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for-ests · 8 days

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Suffocation: Gojo Satoru x Reader

Suffocation MLIST Summary: Time spent apart from Gojo means time spent with the students. That is, until your powers awaken. ps,, new chapter leaks?? we are so back!!! <3 Wc: 6, 500

The two of you, in fact, never got the chance to talk about it. You had fallen asleep on the couch, this time without him but with the students and your brother. As Gojo passed the common room on his way out, he thought about waking you to say goodbye. But you looked so peaceful leaning against the armrest, with Yuji curled beside you like a kitten.

The fact that Nobara, let alone Megumi, felt comfortable enough to do the same made Gojo's heart swell. All of them leaned against each other until it fell on you, your arms once spread wide but now curling into your chest, a peaceful smile spreading across your dream-filled face.

All he could do was pull out his phone and snap a picture, hoping he would get close enough with you to show it someday. To really make you understand that you were the missing piece in all of their lives. You would be a great mother. You would be a fantastic wife. You were everything and more.

Time did not matter; only the impact did. And what a crater you would leave behind.

What was this feeling?

Gojo allowed himself to steal one more look at you before returning to the duties he dreaded. It was convenient to be the most powerful sorcerer for once, as he deliberately teleported back to leave a present on your vanity, praying you would miss him as much as he would miss you in the next few days. Hoping you would understand.

When you woke, Gojo was already gone. And as you checked your phone later in the morning, you found his message.

Annoying ass teacher guy:> Will be back in a few days. Don't miss me too much, princess.

He imagined that since you were around the students, you would try to hide your blush as well as you could before typing back a witty reply with ease.

Yuji’s sister </3:> And if I miss you too much?

Annoying ass teacher guy:> I don't want you to be sad, but that might make what i'll do to you even more special ;)

Yuji’s sister </3:> you flirt

Annoying ass teacher guy:> check your desk

"Ugh!! Nanamiiiinnn!" Gojo sighed dramatically, flinging himself next to Nanami on the couch. It was idiotic with how anxious he was for your reply.

"What Gojo?" he grumbled, tersely flipping the page of his book.

"I won't see her for three days!" he whined. "Will she remember who I am?"

"The fact that she texted you back should be your answer," Nanami sighed, dismissing his friend's behavior as another joke. He didn't even know who Gojo was talking about, as he had already tuned out the teasing and nonchalance all morning. "Keep in mind we are here for work."

"We're done with work for the day, so you dont have an excuse to not listen to me."

Nanami put his book down, heaving a sigh. "Fine, spit it out."

A long silence passed as Gojo gathered his thoughts, deciding to start from the beginning. He didn't know if Yuji had said anything to Nanami yet about your arrival, but it didn't matter. Gojo wanted to talk about you; hell, he needed to. Just to think about something else, anything to get your face out of his mind. Talking about it had to help, right? His emotions were always bottled up, but this feeling… this one, was unlike any other.

Plus, Nanami had always been good with women. Advice shouldn't hurt, even if he was seeking it out from the person who would be harshest with him. It was needed.

And so, Gojo decided to ramble as he described your arrival, abilities, relation to Yuji, and what the two of you had already gone through in a week. The last thing he added was your beauty, which was definitely worth asseverating.

"She's all I can think about," he repined.

Nanami deadpanned. "You've only known her for a week," he said without thinking, but then really reflected on how Gojo was acting, how he talked about you, and how he said your name. There was a deep yearning, carefully covered with humor and dramatics. Had he ever seriously cared for a woman this much before? Nanami couldn't think of a time. Gojo was his usual, over-dramatic self, but Nanami noticed the differences. It was in the way Gojo moved, the slight uncertainty in his eyes, and how relieved his body language became once he finished his tangent.

Even just the description of you intrigued Nanami. Yes, it was astonishing to hear that Yuji had a sister and even more surprising to discover you had unique, undocumented cursed energy.

"You think the flowers were too much?"

"You bought a woman flowers?" Nanami's cold demeanor cracked into one of surprise. Then, he awkwardly cleared his throat to cover. "Absolutely not; flowers are a very safe choice."

"Seriously, is it that surprising?" Gojo sighed in defeat. "Why is everyone so surprised? I went on dates all the time, I know how to please a woman!"

"Not that you couldn't do it, but chose to."

That caused Gojo to fall silent. How his friend was able to read him so clearly was astonishing in itself. He was right, and that's what bothered Gojo. He had walked through life expecting never to feel this way, as he didn't have the time or energy to keep a woman by his side long enough for it to be worth it, let alone labeled. But with you, he wanted to. All he needed was for you to say yes.

Watching Gojo's eyebrows furrow, the realization spreading across his face, Nanami continued. "I know you've been with women before, but it actually seems like you deeply care for her. In the decade I've known you, I've never seen you like this."

"There's just something about her." Gojo twirled his phone between his fingers. Staring off into the distance. "I don't know what to do."

"Why wouldn't you know what to do?"

Part of Gojo was still determining whether he should allow himself to entertain the thought of you. Was this smart? Was he being fooled in a way he never thought possible? It was hard to trust, but you had never made him uneasy. Sometimes, you only need to look at a person to understand their intentions. And yours were pure.

But Gojo had been fooled before. All that distrust came flooding back as he thought of your unique ability. You somehow slipped past his infinity, and it frustrated him. He had let his guard down around you without realizing it. It was as simple as breathing when you were near. You weren't just beautiful and kind; you were also powerful. A road that could prove treacherous if he didn't play his cards right, not just for him but for everyone who relied on him, too.

"I've never felt this way before."

"And why are you making that seem like a bad thing?"

"Have you ever pictured me with a woman by my side?"

"I sure hoped and prayed that there was someone who could put you in your place."

Reluctantly, Gojo finally asked the question that mattered most. "What if I hurt her?"

"You probably will, but that's just how relationships go sometimes. Especially with a life as complicated as ours. Whether she can handle it or not, is up to her."

Gojo soaked in Nanami's words, ultimately concluding that he was worrying too much. If it was meant to be, it would. Right?

Everything eventually worked itself out, and he hoped that it could end in you being his alone. What wishful thinking.

"You know what Nanamin?" Gojo glanced over at his friend and coworker. "You're right."

And once Nanami saw that mischievous smile spread back across Gojo's face, he knew everything was back to normal. He shook his head, the slightest smile threatening to grace his lips. But Gojo knew he was hiding it when the corners of his eyes crinkled.

"Why do you look so smug?"

"I just can't believe that someone is willing to date you."

"You are so mean!" Gojo whined again, standing up from the couch and walking sluggishly to the exit as if he had been physically wounded. "I'll prove you wrong, Nanamin. Next time we meet she'll be in love with me."

And then, his phone pinged a message from you.

Y/N<3:> I love it, Satoru.

Curious, you wandered back into your room after breakfast. His message had left you operating at half capacity from the anticipation of it all. As soon as you opened the door, your eyes darted to your desk, where you found a bouquet of roses. The most beautiful bundle you'd ever seen.

There was a vase with a note attached. Picking it up with one hand, the other thumbed over the soft, ruby petals. As you finished the note, a permanent smile spread across your face for the rest of the day.

Keep the vase beautiful. As long as you're here, you won't go a week without flowers. - Satoru

One day turned into two, and you couldn't configure why it made you sad. It really shouldn't. Gojo's absence should be acceptable to you, but the longing in your chest told you otherwise.

Yuji claimed he was just on an emergency assignment and assured you it was normal. None of the students or staff seemed to bat an eye at his absence either. It allowed you to settle in without distractions and gave you more free time to befriend Yuji and the students. They trained with you, taught you what they knew, and refused to leave you alone for over an hour. In fact, they made your apartment their new hangout spot. They claimed it was cozy and smelled good, and you were too nice to refuse their company.

A gigantic beanbag had been brought in, and they were taking advantage of your Nintendo Switch games while you skimmed through a textbook peacefully on your bed. The campus library was a perfect resource, filled with specific literary curse techniques you couldn’t find elsewhere. You were learning so much, not just about jujutsu but also about yourself and your abilities. If only you could uncover the link between them all.

The sound effects of Mario Kart and the focused grunts of the students filled the room. The race ended, and Yuji sighed in defeat. “Are you sure you don’t wanna get in on this, Y/N?” he asked, head falling to the beanbag as he stared at you upside down.

“I need to study!” you chuckled. “Maybe next time?”

“Gojo should be back tonight, maybe he’ll join.” Megumi shrugged, already forcing the three of them into another tournament. You couldn’t help but perk up slightly at the mention of the white-haired sorcerer. He hadn’t told you when he’d return, and you couldn’t deny how badly you wanted to talk with him.

“But he always wins!” Yuji groaned.

“Oh?” you snorted. “So you only want me to join so you can beat me?”

Yuji snapped his head up, laughing nervously. “No I promise!”

Sticking your tongue out, your eyes returned to the textbook in your lap.

Nobara watched you closely before the match started, and your reaction to the mention of her Sensei confirmed her suspicions. Your sudden smile was also a dead giveaway.

“I bet Y/N would join if Gojo was here~” she teased, snickering to herself.

That definitely interrupted your train of thought, and you immediately became flustered. At least one person noticed something was going on.

“What makes you say that?” you squeaked, mentally smacking yourself for how obvious you sounded, cheeks already beginning to burn. There was no reason for you to be nervous about it. Yes, Gojo was their teacher… but you were an adult and had no previous affiliation with him to make it scandalous. A relationship with Gojo might only be weird if Yuji was uncomfortable. Would he be? Were you thinking way too much about it?

You were definitely jumping to conclusions. Gojo probably didn’t feel the same way about you. Gifts could only get him so far. His nickname for you and how he touched you didn’t necessarily mean he wanted what you did.

Then you remembered what he did to you before he left. And your anxiety spiked once again.

“You like him, do you not?” Nobara pried through a lighthearted laugh, even if she couldn’t understand. The thought made her want to barf. You were way too good for him. But her Sensei had his perks, and maybe, just maybe, he deserved someone like you in his life.

Fuck. You really wished Gojo was there to do the talking, to make it seem like a joke, to deflect the accusation with his ridiculous and ambiguous humor. You were so unsure about everything, but especially Gojo. You didn’t know him well enough yet, you didn’t know the students well enough to put a label on anything. “I mean…” you trailed off, trying to sound nonchalant. “What's not to like?”

Megumi facepalmed, knowing what was about to happen.

“You like-like Gojo Sensei?” Yuji asked in confusion, almost dropping the switch remote.

Your hands shot up in defense, growing frantic and flustered when all three students craned their heads to stare at you. “I dont know?”

“Oh my God,” Megumi sighed in defeat. “She does.”

“Really?” Yuji blinked multiple times, glancing at his friends and then back to you, wondering if he’d been too oblivious to realize. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

“You both are so dumb sometimes.” Nobara pinched her nose. “Who do you think got her those roses on her desk?”

They all turned their heads to look at your desk, which, in fact, still displayed the flamboyant bouquet of red roses placed neatly in a glass vase. It was so obvious. Of course, Nobara would notice something like that.

“It’s not what it looks like…” you tittered, wanting to run into your closet and hide from the embarrassment of it all.

“I assumed it was just a friendly welcoming gift!” Yuji fussed in response to being called dumb.

“Red is the color of love, idiot,” Megumi sighed.

Yuji slumped further into the bean bag, releasing an even more exasperated sigh than Megumi. He wasn’t upset about it, only frustrated that he wasn’t the first to notice and ask you about it. Days passed, and nobody said a word about something so important. Gojo liked you? Like that?

“Have you kissed?” Nobara pried further, desperate to hear the gossip.

You didn’t reply, trying to hide the bashful smile that threatened to spread across your face by biting down on your lip. You did more than just kiss, but you would keep that to yourself. Even if you didn’t say anything, what you felt was displayed in your expression. Why were you so bad at lying?

Nobara threw her head back with a cackle, nudging Yuji in his side. “How do you feel Yuji? Gojo likes your sister!”

Your brother seemed to ponder for a minute longer than you hoped for, but all he did was shrug and admit, “I’m surprised,” he said, but then smiled at you with kindness and understanding in his eyes. “If that’s what you want Y/N. I’m okay with it.”

“Really?” Your mouth dropped open. “It's not weird?” you asked none of them in particular.

“I don’t think it's weird,” Megumi finally butted in. “Gojo can be a good person when he wants to be.”

“Yeah!” Yuji beamed at you, thinking it funny that you would consider his feelings in the matter. “You don’t need to worry about how I would feel. You’re my sister, but only as of recently. You deserve to be with who you want!”

What a gentle, kind, and loving soul your brother was. How could he be so sweet at such a young age? It had taken you far longer to open yourself up, to trust, and seek happiness. He made it seem easy, as if he hadn’t endured his own trauma of death and separation.

“Thanks, Yuji.” You smiled back at him, relaxing back to your previous, unbothered demeanor. “I’ll take that into consideration.”

“That’s it?” Nobara sighed. “No more details?”

“No more details.” You scrunched your face at her teasingly. “Once I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Boooooo,” she jeered, picking up a remote and leaning back toward Yuji. “At least we have something to blackmail Gojo with now,” she whispered loud enough for you to hear.

Yuji chuckled at that, and so did Megumi. They all continued to play their game, and you went back to reading your book. You smiled as you scanned through the lines and jotted down notes about domain expansions. According to Gojo, they were a rare occurrence, but it was wise to be as prepared as possible. You remembered as much as you could about his—how awakened and alive you felt. A cursed spirit would be a different story, though. And you preferred to not think more about it just yet. You only hoped you would never be trapped in one.

About to turn another page, you felt that all too familiar rush of dread.

No…not right now. It was too soon.

A gasp left your lips, and you went rigid. Before you could even think to warn Yuji, Megumi, and Nobara of what they were about to witness, the upper portion of your body violently snapped back into the bed.

The headboard smacked against the wall loud enough to alert the students. One breath was all you could take before a sudden coldness infected every portion of your body. Then, you began to cease, all control of your body vanishing.

“Y/N?” Yuji immediately shot up from the beanbag, followed by his duo. They all rushed to your bed as if sensing the pressure in the room change. The candle you had burning blew out as Yuji scooped his hands under your head, trying his best to cradle you. “What’s wrong?”

“Is she okay?” Megumi barked, eyes wide in concern. Nobara’s eyes shot to the now-smoking candle.

A few more spasms ricocheted through your body, and you grit your teeth in an attempt to relax. All you needed to speak was a few strained sentences. Your body was so stiff, and you could feel your hands clench. Your eyes started to droop before you could stop them.

“N…Notebook…” you stuttered, trying to gesture to the only one sitting on your desk. “And quill!” you forced out. It clicked without further explaining for Megumi, and he snatched them and brought them to you.

Yuji, on the other hand, was frantic, shouting your name over and over again. Nobara was reaching for her cell phone, yelling about calling an ambulance.

“Normal!” you cried out, shaking uncontrollably. “It's normal…” You went limp in Yuji’s arms and were finally able to rush out what you needed. “Don’t call anyone–” you strained.

It wasn’t a typical seizure; you knew it. Your body contorted in ways that looked painful and unnatural, and you knew you were scaring them. This was the first time you were losing control in front of others. Tears started gathering in the corner of your eyes from the fear of it all, from the judgment and the embarrassment.

Then, your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you ceased again. It would continue to happen until you picked up that stupid quill. You felt helpless, not just for yourself but for your poor brother, who was now about to witness just how strange you really were.

The last thing you felt was Megumi sliding the quill into your enclosed grip.

Gojo felt the shift before he opened your door, the gifts he brought back for you and the students falling to the floor as he burst through it, freezing as his eyes settled on your contorted body. You were utterly still, the only part of you moving was your hand, metal tip scribbling against the paper. The sound of it was abhorrent as if every etch foretold destruction. Invisible dread hung in the air, undoubtedly coming from whatever prophecy you were weaving.

But your eyes were what scared him. They were completely rolled back into your head, so much so that the blood vessels looked as if they were going to burst. You suddenly began to twitch violently, making Yuji gasp with concern, making Gojo rush to your side, dancing along a frantic line.

“Gojo Sensei!” Megumi turned to him with wide eyes. “What’s happening?”

“It's okay!” He approached you as if he was in a trance, and the students moved aside. He didn’t know if you were okay if this was normal or expected. You had only summarized these episodes briefly.

Once he was at your side, his knees gave out. He felt almost paralyzed, gazing at you in such apparent pain and unable to think of a way to fix it. This was an undiscovered form of cursed energy. He tried desperately to scan through his memories for one instance of something similar but came up with nothing.

“She was fine just a second ago,” Nobara muttered in shock, glancing around as if she could solve it and relieve your predicament.

“Did she say anything before?” Gojo asked, eyebrows knitting with worry.

“T-That it was normal,” Yuji said, standing behind Gojo with a worried, distraught expression, noticing how his Sensei’s eyebrows furrowed as if he, too, was at a loss for what to do. Yuji couldn’t recall a time when Gojo was confused, let alone displayed such concern.

Gojo relaxed slightly but still reached out and adjusted your pillow to support your neck. At that point, he didn’t care if his students watched him reach out and caress your cheek. He was so worried. It didn’t matter if you had warned him about something like this. The way you twitched and gasped and the tears that still poured from the corners of your eyes made him furious.

Glancing at the notebook that your quill was scratching erratically on, Gojo still found it blank even as he used his six eyes. “I saw her last prophecy. But I can't see anything yet. I think she has to finish,” he whispered, grasping your other hand to let you know he was there for you.

Faintly, your pinky finger twitched against his palm, curving around his own finger before going limp again. Then, you twitched, a loud gasp heaving from your throat.

“Something is coming,” was all you said, eyes still rolled back before you shot up into a sitting position. It seemed impossible, but you began to scratch faster as your cursed energy burst to life, almost engulfing the entire room. All-consuming was the green aura, and the surprise of it all caused Gojo to jolt back. Nobara yelped in fright.

When everyone glanced back at you, they realized the notebook was floating, so were you and the loose items around you. And now, your eyes were glowing. Your aura was so unique, so rare. It was calming when it should be everything but.

The quill left the paper and began to brush more fluidly, calmly, and peacefully into the open space around you. Trying to focus, Gojo started to understand what you were actually doing. As beautiful as it was, the Kanji began to flow together to cast a spell. An ancient one, not a prophecy.

It felt like a mirage, as if Gojo was stepping through a rainbow. Beautiful colors, your beautiful face. The depths of your soul. The parts of you he craved to know. He saw flashes of you, moments that hadn't happened yet but felt like they were meant to. Your smile, your kindness, loyalty, and trust. Love was what it was. And he had so much of it to give. He would die for you in a heartbeat; he would do anything to keep that pretty smile on your face. He imagined himself holding you, imagined how amazing it would feel to call you his wife—he saw himself getting down on one knee, that expensive ring sparkling from inside a black velvet box. With tears streaming down your face, you nodded furiously. “I love you so much, Satoru.”

“Gojo what are you doing?” Megumi’s voice interrupted his vision, tinged with panic and warning.

The promised future vanished as quickly as it came, as Gojo realized he was holding your face, and you were holding his. No, not just his face; the fingers of your left hand were curled around his blindfold, and your right hand had begun to tug at the knot. You had almost slipped past the infinity that protected his soul. And you would have done it with ease.

Surprised, Gojo tugged his head back. And at the loss of contact, you gasped. A cry left your lips as the cursed energy you released shot back inside of you, snapping your body back to the bed. The silence that followed was deafening, and all anyone could hear was the sound of their pounding hearts, trying desperately to clear their minds of the haze your aura commanded.

The students and teacher all glanced at each other with dazed expressions. Glossy eyes and opened mouths proved that all of them had seen something, not just Gojo.

“What did you see Yuji?” Gojo asked, snapping back to reality faster than them. He knew you were okay by the steadiness of your breathing but was still cautious to get too close again.

Your brother blinked, still trying to comprehend what he’d seen. It felt so genuine and authentic like it had happened before. “I was sitting next to Y/N at a large dinner table. We all were…toasting to something. I don’t know what, but I was so happy. She told me how proud she was to be my sister. There were others there too but I couldn’t see their faces. You were on the other side of her, Sensei.”

Gojo’s eyes snapped to the others, taking note of Yuji’s explanation. A different vision, but similar to his—both of their visions highlight a relationship to you.

Megumi could feel Gojo’s gaze on him, knowing he’d been asked a question, but couldn’t muster a response. He knew he looked like a deer in the headlights, sort of how Yuji and Nobara both did. But instead of being able to explain what flashed through his mind, Megumi just swallowed hard in hopes of distracting himself from the pang in his chest.

There was no way, just no way. What had he even seen? Was it the future? Was it something he wanted and didn’t even know? All he knew was that the mirage had cracked the second he called you mom. Megumi had called you mom. There were no words to describe the feeling that constricted at his throat and prevented him from speaking. What he saw was you resting under a tree, nestled between his demon dogs and reading a book. They had grown a liking to you, just as he had.

“I need them for training, mom,” Megumi called over, rolling his eyes.

“But I’m so comfy!” you whined, and the dogs snorted in agreement.

“When you’re done, please let me know.”

What did that even mean? How did that happen? Regardless, the gaping hole of belongingness cracked open further. And as Megumi ruminated over what he’d seen, he was left even more confused.

“We were shopping for…clothes…” Nobara finally said, but stopped before finishing. She intentionally broke her Sensei's focus after noticing the turmoil and confusion in Megumi’s eyes. The unanticipated vision was confusing her, too. The two of you had been shopping for baby clothes. And as she thought harder, she realized you had a slight baby bump poking through your sundress. The floppy summer hat you wore could not conceal the happiness in your eyes as you looked at her, wondering which outfit she thought was the cutest. After she gave her advice, you replied, “You’re gonna be the best auntie ever.”

Was this a glimpse of the future? And if so, did the others have a similar premonition like hers?

Dazed, you finally opened your eyes. The overhead light blinded you, only for a moment, before you remembered where you were and who you were surrounded with. Tears slipped past your eyelids before you could stop them. There were so many emotions and questions racing through your entire body that it would be impossible to properly formulate them. You were shaking still, feeling like you were being chased out of an incredible high. A high that reached its peak and was crashing down, leaving you distraught and fatigued.

“I’m sorry!” you choked out between gasps, feeling like you were suffocating, sitting up to see all of them staring at you with apprehensive eyes. “I-I’m sorry—”

“It’s okay,” Gojo immediately rushed back to your side, grasping your failing hands and pressing them softly into your lap. “Take a deep breath. It’s okay.”

Nodding furiously with tears streaming down your face, you inhaled sharply, his touch instantly soothing you.

“Slower.” Gojo nodded. “It’s okay.”

Feeling the pounding in your ears start to fade, you swallowed, mustering a sad smile as you glanced at him. He looked so worried from what you could see on his face, and it made a peculiar hollowness reside within your thoughts, realizing you had ruined his arrival. Your surroundings were different, too. Your books and supplies were strewn across the floor, along with presents at the entrance to your room. Had Gojo brought home gifts?

“I don’t know what happened. That’s never happened before.”

Your expression of paranoia explained enough to the white-haired sorcerer. Was that look in your eyes one of guilt? What could you possibly feel guilty for? Were you afraid he wouldn't believe you?

“I believe you,” Gojo whispered, releasing his hands from covering yours. He hesitated, wanting to comfort you more, but relented. You probably needed your space anyway. There was no clear answer for what just happened, and you were nonplussed, looking to him for answers he couldn’t give you. At least, not immediately, but he would try his best.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Yuji questioned as he crossed the room, taking the opportunity to comfort you now that Gojo backed away. “Are you hurt?”

Remaining silent as Yuji gave you a hug, Gojo watched the two of you interact, mostly Yuji fussing over you, asking over and over again if you were okay. “No, no, I’m fine.” You tried your best to smile at your brother.

“Are you sure?” Gojo pressed further, recognizing the uncertainty in your eyes. This was a shock to everyone, Gojo especially, unsure how to feel about the glimpse into his future. Was it wise for him to know something that important? His feelings for you were already passional, and he was undeniably infatuated with you. A seer with comparable powers hadn’t been born in centuries, so the validity of your visions was unknown. But, visions were more tangible and easier to understand than prophecies. Was this a promise or a hint? Could it be changed based on the choices he made?

“Do you remember what happened?” Gojo finally asked after a stretch of silence.

Shaking your head, you looked over at the notebook beside you. The energy was palpable, and it was coming from it. You pushed it across the bed and nodded at him to take it. Part of you was scared to read its contents, from the impartial images that flashed through your mind, from the inexplicability of it all and the lack of understanding. What scared you the most, though, was that you were certain. What you saw was going to happen eventually. You didn’t know when or how it would happen, but it would. None of your predictions ever failed to come true.

Scanning the words, Gojo sat down on the bed next to you. He seemed calmer than you, acting like what he witnessed was an everyday experience. Somehow, it helped settle your thoughts. If he wasn't worried, there was no reason for you to be either. The trust you were developing for him only resonated deeper.

The students huddled around Gojo, trying to peak over his shoulder for a glimpse of the cursed energy.

“Let me see it!” Yuji whined.

That managed to make you laugh through your nose.

As soon as the sky is colored green,

The chosen one will realize their blindness

Souls will clash and die, but love will blossom

Children of clans from old fight demons that seek redemption,

The day the king returns, all hope will be lost until she aw—a. A. Awake. Awaken—अहं भाषा वदामि। त्मरक्षा एव वास्तविकशक्ति

संरक्षण-संरक्षण-आह्वानम्-नरके मृत्योः च मुक्तं अवगच्छन्त

रक्षणार्थं आह्वानम्-नरकेभ्यः मृत्योः च मुक्तम्

Death rebirths life

You saw what you'd written, the look of bewilderment on their faces, and the deafening silence that followed. Snatching the journal from Gojo, you brought it closer to get a better look.

“What language is that?” Nobara asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“It’s sanskrit,” Gojo replied lowly, confusion lacing his tone. Something odd was definitely happening. Only the oldest spells were written in that dead language, long before humans gained a proper understanding of what jujutsu entailed. He couldn’t understand all the words, only bits and pieces, referencing the oldest spells recorded in history.

“I-I don’t understand.” Your eyes glossed over with worry. “I don’t know Sanskrit.”

“I think only a few people do,” Megumi added.

“It looks like something hijacked your prophecy.” Gojo pointed out, noticing the green color fade from your cursed energy into something black and ancient. He pointed at one symbol. “This means I create.” He moved down the line. “And this means protection.”

“A protection spell?” Nobara muttered.

This felt too familiar, and the revelation was on the tip of Gojo’s tongue. Long ago, there was a clan of witches comprised entirely of women. Remnants of their bloodline still remained, but it had been hundreds of years since they were in power. Most of their history remained undocumented, but they specialized in prophecy and ancestral magic. Gojo skimmed through his memory, trying to recall the last written prophecy from the supreme.

Gojo looked at you, and it clicked into place.

A low, sinking feeling settled in your stomach.

“I need to speak with Y/N alone,” Gojo said to the students, not leaving room for debate. His tone was so firm that they reluctantly scrambled for the exit without protest.

Yuji glanced back at you hesitantly. Concern was engraved in his expression. He mouthed, text me before shutting the door behind him. You and Gojo listened to their footsteps scurrying down the hall, and he didn’t turn toward you until he heard all of their doors click shut. The scarcity they left behind was apparent, and you were growing nervous about what he would say.

“Do you know anything about your family history?”

All you could do was shake your head.

“I had my suspicions that you were more powerful, but now I’m suspecting you’ve been chosen as a conduit. What happened during your episode is called an emergence.”

Your demeanor stiffened. “What does that mean?”

“It could mean a lot of things. There hasn’t been a seer of your potential for centuries. There’s definitely a mix of bloodlines happening, as Yuji is Sukuna’s vessel and can remain in control of his body. You on the other hand, the eldest daughter, might be a descendant of a long-defunct clan that hasn’t been in power since Sukuna’s defeat, which they helped aid in. You are clearly vulnerable when you’re recording your prophecies, and I believe the Sanskrit was one of your ancestors taking that opening. I only know that it could be a protection spell, but we should have it translated just to make sure.” He paused. "

“How do you know this?”

“It’s only a theory so far. But the gift of prophecy is yours alone. The words you wrote… Will come true, all things considered,” Gojo trailed off, losing his train of thought. He wanted to tell you what you’d shown him and that the students had clearly seen something. But he didn't move; he barely even breathed. Ruminating over how beautiful you looked in that vision almost stopped his heart. He wasn't trying to be funny or flirty. He looked just as concerned and embarrassed as you, wishing he had the answers as always. But it seemed that only more questions arose when it came to you.

Gojo’s body language seemed conflicted. Maybe you were more spot-on than you assumed.

“Won't they?” he pried.

“I hope not.” You glanced away, only remembering the words of demise, scribbled over and over again before a dead language emerged, further adding to the confusion of your connection to this life. If Gojo's prediction was correct, it would strengthen the hopeless feeling rising in your chest that your entire life was a lie. How you now looked at yourself was anything but satisfactory, unaware of the promise of a better future that Gojo glimpsed.

A gift, like he said, but also a curse that you would never wish upon another. Every day that passed made you question if foresight really was a blessing.

All Gojo could configure was how tired you looked. A lifetime of information had been dumped on you within an hour. Instead of being hard on you like he initially promised in that bar, he wanted to comfort you. But that defeated look in your eyes spoke volumes of what you really needed.

There was no rush. At least, not yet.

"Why don't you get some rest,” he whispered, standing up to peel the covers back for you. “I’ll find a translator later.”

Sighing deeply, you glanced up at him before relenting, letting him pull the covers over your body. You watched Gojo as he stacked your books on your bedside table, tidying up what had been misplaced.

A part of you wished he would stay. And perhaps he would have if you asked, but the second your head snuggled into your pillow, the world started to fade away.

"Thank you, Satoru," you whispered faintly.

"For what, princess?"

"Everything." Was all you mustered in your enervated state. You really wanted to thank him for his willingness to help you, for not abandoning you or being afraid. For taking care of your brother, for not giving up, and for making you feel butterflies in a world of darkness and despair.

Turning off the lamp on your bedside table, Gojo watched your eyes flutter shut. He leaned down and pressed a kiss against your forehead. You hummed in response, the corners of your lips upturning sleepily.

He wondered if you saw the future as he did, speculating whether or not you wished for his presence the way he did yours. Regardless, he failed to express that you could rely on him no matter what and that you would never have to suffer alone again.

That may be the most potent form of love he could provide.

∘∙∘☾𖤓∘∙∘

Tags :) @aetrimis @ihatethisbye @that-one-enthusiast @ti-mame @torusmochi @azgucci @getosfavmonkeyy @allisonbaelfire @gojoslefttoenail

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru #jujustu kaisen

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daydark4k · 9 months

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Going on a bit of a rant here about some problems ive noticed about bootwt.

I feel like it's become increasingly exhausting to be in this community, and ill explain why because i have left it behind.

A lot amazing work has been done by the community to make it a safer space for minorities, but in a way this has put the community on a pedestal. It feel like everyone is expected to be an activist or they are a bad person nobody wants around.

There's a huge difference in being an ally, and an activist. An ally is someone that will speak against shit when they come across it, do their best to educate themself, stand behind people in every way they can.

An activist goes a step further and seeks out ways to make change. Organizing charity events, going out of their way to educate others, uplift voices and being constantly posting about issues as they come out. Taking on the problems of others is not an easy thing mentally especially if you have your own issues.

Are you a bad person for not making a twitter post when some shitty cc says a stupid thing again? Bigotry is constantly happening and will continue, no matter what the community is like. But, if you were to watch the news, get overwhelmed and have to turn it off instead of tweeting about it, you wouldnt be a bad person right? The victim on the news could have their entire life changed by a tramatic event and you cant even have the decency to watch and give your empathy?

There's this overwhelming crushing expectation in this community of being an activist or else you dont belong. If you dont post wishing a happy holiday, happy heritage month, your deep supportfor the people that were discriminated against, then you dont care. People do it like its a checklist. it's not enough to simply care silently. It feels very performative as an outsider. It's always makes me feel so awful for watching ranboo and wanting to be a part of the community. The guilt is horrible. But if im not kept up with all the bad parts of it, im not doing it right.

There is also ableism. If you are uneducated or make a mistake speaking over minorities because of social issues you might experience, even if you try to be better it's held against you forever. These mistakes are valid and wrong. It's very important to have the attitude to improve yourself and see your mistake. As long as you are trying, why do people feel the need to kick you out of your safe space? I am not active on social media but i have seen this happen to many in the community.

I just hope for a space away from the hell i deal with. I just want to see and share silly art.

It's absolutely amazing the efforts of bootwt to make a good place for everyone. People work so hard and im grateful and amazed at what they have done. Racists should be bullied away. Ignorant people who do microaggressions but are willing to be educated and be better should be educated. Jumping people does not help anyone, help people realize their mistakes.

I hope the community continues the amazing work they have been doing. But lessen up on the expectations of others to also be activists like them. Communities are made up of all kinds of people. Everyone wants different things, some people need an escape from constant negativity. We should try to get along, point out each others mistakes and become better. Not put the community on the highest pedestal expecting everyone to be the same.

I hope this doesn’t come across like im a bigot trying to justify myself. I was really scared to post this but if I’m the only one who feels this is a problem just ignore me

i originally wasn't going to respond to this, but i want to break down some of this and explain it because i feel like i know what you're trying to say, but there's a lot of stuff in here that is misconstrued.

"It feel like everyone is expected to be an activist or they are a bad person nobody wants around"

you are not a bad person if you aren't an activist! i hope no one feels obligated to always be on the front lines fighting with people to make change. ranboo's community in the recent months has been one of the most active communities i've been in when it comes to rooting out bad people and making sure they know they're not welcome. if you feel unwelcome, why? you say it's because you don't want to be an activist. you don't have to be! but sending support and love to people who need it isn't activism. being educated and constantly evaluating yourself and your biases isn't activism. that's a part of living in the world we were born into that's entrenched in horrible bigotry that's been taught and ingrained since birth. ignoring these things doesn't make them go away, and the least you can do is acknowledge it and work to not continue the cycle of pain that so many minorities are subjected to. You say the community is supposed to be a safe place. how is it supposed to be safe if there are people who get away with saying and doing horrible things? its not enough to not be racist, ableist, antisemitic, sexist, homo/transphobic etc. you have to be anti- all of these things, and have a genuine love for the people who are affected.

if you feel like these things are too much emotionally for you, you are more than welcome to step away. no one expects anyone to be on the internet 24/7 or to always engage in the negative topics. hell, i've stopped talking about certain ccs and stopped constantly criticizing their actions because i know they wont change. i recognized it isn't healthy for me and there's no point to it. but when it comes to support, to making sure that everyone knows that bigotry isn't welcome, that is a very important aspect of a community. that's the DEFINITION of what a community is! and, if those of us who have followings and have thousands of people who look to us as a reflection of ranboo, don't do these things? how does that look from the outside? at this point it doesn't even correlate to ranboo anymore. me wanting people in bootwt to be educated and respectful people doesn't exist only in the online community, it exists in real life too. i want others to be aware of the impact they have on others. I would think that any fan of ranboo's would want that too, considering its one of the biggest things ranboo advocates for his fans. to be good people.

you correlated being an ally and being an activist, and you said that "An ally is someone that will speak against shit when they come across it, do their best to educate themself, stand behind people in every way they can." is that not what the community has constantly asked for? that's all minorities are asking for. you just described the community! then you say "There's this overwhelming crushing expectation in this community of being an activist or else you dont belong. If you dont post wishing a happy holiday, happy heritage month, your deep support for the people that were discriminated against, then you dont care." isnt that just being an ally, by your definition???? wishing people happy holidays to respect their culture and important days, and standing behind people who have experienced discrimination so they know they are loved and those hurtful things aren't welcome here? if you miss something or are late, that's normal! even if you after the fact say "hey, sorry i missed it but happy x hope your day was well" maybe one person will see it and will feel seen.

"it's not enough to simply care silently." im going to be completely honest. no. no its not. its not enough because being silent ALLOWS bigotry to exist. im going to link this article i researched specifically for this post, because it explains how silent racism works and is ingrained in our society

"It feels very performative as an outsider. It's always makes me feel so awful for watching ranboo and wanting to be a part of the community. The guilt is horrible. But if im not kept up with all the bad parts of it, im not doing it right."

no one expects anyone to always be caught up on which new cc was racist. we want people to be able to recognize bigotry and uplift the people who are hurt. to say, both online and in real life, when its safe: "hey, that wasnt cool, that hurts people." you shouldnt feel bad for wanting to be apart of the community. people are allowed to want to be apart of it. its a fun place to be sometimes! but also, people are allowed to distance themselves and not forgive some of the bad things they experienced.

"There is also ableism. If you are uneducated or make a mistake speaking over minorities because of social issues you might experience, even if you try to be better it's held against you forever. These mistakes are valid and wrong. It's very important to have the attitude to improve yourself and see your mistake. As long as you are trying, why do people feel the need to kick you out of your safe space? I am not active on social media but i have seen this happen to many in the community."

i do agree with you on this one. I don't like how the internet holds grudges. people aren't allowed to change and things they did are always held against them. BUT. on the other hand, if you have hurt people, those victims are not obligated to forgive you. this is a balance that isn't easily achieved in a large community, much less so on the internet. these are things that happen in all communities and its not fair sometimes.

at the end of the day. if you don't want to be an activist, then don't be. if you only want to see art and funny bits, mute terms. the more that these things are discussed and called out however, the easier its going to make it for the future. i don't think its fair to blame hurt people for making you feel bad about yourself. that's something you need to reflect on yourself and recognize why you feel that way, whether it be guilt or ignorance.

im not gonna be responding on this any further, go ham in the comments with thoughts if you want

have a nice day!

#long post #eclipsing #this is just a giant word salad i hope i got my feelings across #i think youre angry at the wrong thing and should direct your anger to the actual bad people. not those who just want to feel safe

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donnerpartyofone · 6 months

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i find you unimaginably cool and ive expressed to you before on anon the sentiment that i feel a deep kinship towards you for how you speak so candidly abt your own stupidity (pls dont take that as me calling you stupid) bcuz i feel exactly the same way abt my own stupidity and hate when ppl try to talk me out of it but ANYways i just saw your post abt writing a novelization of splice and i am literally reeling. i love that weird ass movie so much and i think writing a novelization of it is one of the most off the wall and amazing things ive ever heard of. i hope that you will share when it is published bcuz i cannot wait to read it. pls know that someone out there understands you (or at least understands you as best as someone can thru this parasocial lens of tumblr and how you choose to share yourself there) and that someone out there thinks you are basically what i hope i can be when i grow up. thank you for sharing. thank you for articulating yourself as well as you do (i too have the itch to tell you you are not stupid but bcuz i know how it is i wont do it but besides that, i think you are one of the clearest and most well articulated writers ive ever encountered online or elsewhere). sorry, this all feels insane to type. im off two tallboy ipas and i just think youre great.

Dearest Correspondent,

Oddly enough, just the other day somebody liked an older post of mine, and when I clicked on it to remind myself of what it was, the next post down was your last message. Anyway, thanks! The whole novelization business is really funny. Do people even know what they are anymore? I didn't know anybody still made them until I was hired to do SPLICE. I used to get them from the drugstore sometimes when I was a kid because my parents were very uptight about what I watched, but they wouldn't be caught dead restricting anyone's reading habits. During my initial conversation with the SPLICE publisher, we kind of bonded over our memories of the CHILD'S PLAY 2 novelization, of all things, that seemed to help me a lot in addition to my ideas about what SPLICE should be like on paper. I tend to think of novelizations as just another piece of merch, but when you write them, I don't know, like you really have to live out the movie in your mind over and over again to figure out what the characters are experiencing physically, environmentally, how their emotional experiences affect their bodies, etc. You have to fill in the blanks of what they think and sense just enough to make your transcription convincing, while staying within certain bounds to honor what the filmmaker meant to say. SPLICE started as kind of a lark for me, and then almost immediately it became extremely personal; when I was nearing the end of my first draft I thought, "OK, well, I guess everyone is about to find out how insane I am." I was afraid it just sounded "crazy" and wouldn't be what the publisher was expecting. But after I turned it in, the surprise encouragement I got from actual-Vincenzo Natali was pretty amazing, so maybe it's good! Maybe you really CAN'T tell how crazy I am, and it's just very entertaining. You'll have to wait and see.

Parasocial relationships are tricky, huh, especially here on tumblr dot com. The best thing you can do for yourself is just be very aware that they are happening within you, a test you seem to have passed. I think a lot of us come here seeking understanding of our weirdest parts, but the more you put out there to find the people who get what you're saying, you simultaneously get a lot of reminders that most people have no idea what you're talking about. There will be people who seem to hate you because they've misunderstood you, and there will also be people who love you but whose interactions prove that they have absolutely no idea what you're communicating. I recently culled a bunch of followers because they were just creating a lot of noise, even though they may have meant well, and I was losing the clarity I needed to keep doing this. I started to see every post as a worrisome opportunity to find out how poorly people can possibly read me, and suppressing the urge to re-explain myself every day was becoming exhausting. And ironically, around the same time, I was briefly mutuals with one of my favorite bloggers ever, and just as I thought we were becoming chummy, they unfollowed me. I didn't freak out, actually I just unfollowed them back because I was concerned about being annoying, but I did have all kinds of Thoughts about this event. I have spent a lot of time reviewing what my projections were about that person, and what my personal investment in their narrative says about me. I think there could be something good to get out of this audit, even though the whole episode is sort of embarrassing. But Tumblr definitely gives you a lot of opportunities to examine your own filters, clean them out once in a while, and get to know yourself a little better--even if other people seem to be getting to know you a little worse! You just have to stick to your own course and see what comes of it.

Uh. What the hell was I saying. I don't know! But I appreciate your messages, I feel "gotten" by them. Some of the follower upheaval recently did involve the way that I process my experience of my own stupidity out loud on here--like I know that sometimes folks are trying to be helpful by contradicting me whenever I sound "negative" (read: realistic), but being told (by strangers) how to feel about yourself and that you're wrong about your own experiences is actually really awful, confusing, frustrating, and undermining. So I don't mind being reminded that my signal is coming through for at least some people. I hope you're doing good this holiday season. I wonder what beers you had, they sound fun!

Good tidings to you,

PS Isn't "on here" a weird phrase? I always feel like a primate when I say it, but I have yet to find a different phrase that conveys the same thing as accurately.

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moodr1ng · 2 days

Text

lengthy discussion of ed treatment/management under the cut but nothing triggering or specific

i think its funny that im like.. (i believe) very good at giving advice regarding eating disorders to other people.. like, i will often give detailed, multi-paragraph, nuanced advice and information on dealing with eds and give people lists of ways they can reach for help, advice on managing disordered eating behaviors as best as possible, reassurance that yes, what theyre describing is a real ed, yes they deserve help, no they dont need to get any sicker to get help, ill frequently ask people who are down on themselves or ashamed bc of eating disorders to let me have faith in them on their behalf/let them know that im proud of them even if they arent/reassure them that they are never alone with this even in the worst part of an ed when it feels like youre the only person this fucked up on the planet/celebrate their wins and improvements if they have no one to be proud of them/etc. and none of this im saying to congratulate myself like.. i am somewhat educated on this topic, i like being able to use that to help out people, im not doing anything extraordinary or praiseworthy, i just have a certain level of skill/knowledge in handling eds and so i feel its sort of a responsibility i want to take on to put that to use.

but the point is.. i can do all this for other people but when it comes to myself? i dont follow any of my advice. my relationship to food is terrible and so is that to my body. i know all this stuff, i have all these nice things to say to other people - and i can't apply any of it to myself.

and though i always encourage people to reach out to medical professionals, to nutritionists, to therapists specializing in ed, to hotlines, to ed clinics.. i have been let down by every single one of those. my nutritionist told me my eating problems are a psychiatric issue and therefore she simply couldnt help me in any way. my psychiatrist listened to me describe my ed and had no advice bc he doesnt specialize in this and cant help me. the ed clinic in my city wouldnt offer me treatment bc they only take extremely underweight patients. a nutrition/ed support clinic a friend recommended wont take me either bc im not overweight enough. i contacted an ed hotline, set up a phone appointment with the hotline worker, and got ghosted. every avenue of help i have found has said "i cant help you" or "i wont help you". and yet here i am, still telling people to seek professional support and hoping they have better luck than me..

idk. sometimes i just feel phony, yknow? like, here i am giving people all this reassuring, in-depth, affirming advice that sounds like.. wise or like i know my shit right, and then you go look at my post history on the same account and theres my post about my relapse and how profoundly i hate myself and am disgusted with myself. it makes me feel like.. me still being in the deep of the ed devalues my advice. you peek under the curtain, and the guy who talks like he has it all figured out and can help you is just as lost, scared, ashamed and miserable as you.

not sure what im trying to say. just. think about this regularly ig. i wonder how i wouldve fared in a world where i didnt get rejected from returning to the psychology course, in a world where i become someones therapist - would i have too felt like an absolute phony, a poser, if i had become a therapist while being this mentally unwell? idk. maybe. it doesnt matter now, anyway.

#97 #ed tw #ed m

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raicheu · 1 year

Text

03.11.23

This year i told myself i would learn to love myself more. To actually explore the intricacies of me and learn to see it from different angles so that i can accept myself for who i am.

The more i learn about myself, the more i find myself crying. I find myself wishing, begging to be someone else but me. I ask myself why i even have the attributes that i do because they dont do anything for me. They show how weak i am, how easy i can lose myself and how hard it is for me to stand up to life.

I know life is worth living because i find myself in a small second moment where i feel absolute love for the world- for who i am and what ive become…and that keeps me where i am, but im scared one day i wont be able to like it anymore. That second moment won’t happen again and i wont know how to like myself.

I realized that i want to be shown affection, that i care too much and constantly need to seek approval and love from other people in order for me to gauge my own self worth. I learned that i can look at my body and ask myself why did i let it get to this point, why couldn’t i get into working out like others do. Why it’s hard for me to say no to certain cravings while others can cut it off like cold turkey. I care too much about other people because i hope deep down that they will care about me as much as i do about them. But i dont want to admit that i need help. I tell myself things are temporary until i suddenly want to make a permanent decision. And then i somehow convince myself that life is worth living- and the cycle repeats. When will it end? When will i look at myself with love and adoration instead of seeking it in other people?

#personal #03.11.23

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winter-cheshire-writings · 2 months

Text

Echoes and Experiments : Chapter 2

"A what?”

“I have set you and Albedo up on a date, dear Mie.” Lisa cooed. “At Angel's Share.”

“For Archon’s sake Lisa.” Mieko let out an exasperated sigh. “What in the world possessed you to do that? I've only known Albedo for 8 months.”

“Well you're clearly smitten with him. And you two see each other more often than even I see you.” She chuckled. “And I think he'd be good for you, Mie. Albedo is smart enough to know how to treat someone on a date.”

“You're so insufferable.” she sighed at her friend, shaking her head. She glanced at the dress she'd brought with her. “I don't know why I let you talk me into these things.”

“Ah, see, you do like him~” Lisa cooed happily. “Quick, quick, go and change. He'll be here to get you in an hour. I'll help you do your hair up too~”

Mieko stared at Albedo as he stood there in something other than his usual uniform, eyes wide. He looked absolutely darling, she felt her lips curve up into a big smile. “You look amazing, Albedo.”

“I… Thank you. You look quite nice as well.” he replied, cheeks pink. “I am unused to this…”

“It's fine, it suits you.” She said. Lisa shooed them off, Mieko sighing. “I'm sorry Lisa dragged you into this. I know it's awkward.”

“It's alright. I… Since it's with you, at least I know it won't be terrible… I don't usually like taverns.”

“Neither do I. But a certain someone should be working tonight, so I know we'll at least have company.”

“Someone?”

“You'll see.” She chuckled. When they arrived, a head of red hair greeted them. “Diluc~”

“Mie?” He looked confused. “And Albedo. What are you doing here?”

“Let me explain.” She smiled. After hearing it and getting their drinks started, Diluc sighed. “And so pardon me if I aggressively drink a bit tonight, since Lisa managed to irritate me and make things weird.”

“You two could just treat it like an outing… Or like its business.” Diluc stated. Mieko tilted her head. “You two ARE friends, right?” He asked.

“We are.”

“Then why is it awkward? Lisa is just being pushy. Take that as you will.”

“... Diluc. You're a genius.”

“Hardly.” He scoffed, placing their drinks down in front of them. “Don't forget to eat.”

“I won't, I promise.” She smiled at him. She and Albedo talked and had a better time than they expected, sitting at a corner table with their drinks. They both nursed them slowly, but Diluc kept an eye on them to see if they wanted anything else. When they finished, Albedo paid their tab and walked her home.

“Thank you for a wonderful evening.” he extended his hand to her.

“Thank you, Albedo.” She replied, smiling and offering her hand, cheeks burning as Albedo kissed the back of it.

“Try and rest. I will see you again soon, Mie.”

“Y-Yes, I'll see you soon Albedo.” She said softly, going inside before standing at the door, her heart pounding in her ears. She lifted her hand to stare at where his lips had touched her. She shivered, taking a deep breath. “Damn it. He really is perfect.” she shook her head. “Don't get complacent, Mieko. You can't get lost in the feeling of happiness…”

—

Albedo stared at Mieko as she leaned back against his work table. Had he heard that correctly? He was certain he had. “You dont mind at all?” He asked. He had asked her to pursue a relationship with him as an experiment. He expected a no, or for her to be taken aback. He expected something, maybe a demand of it has to be real or something like hed gotten before from other people in the past. But instead she said something else.

“If you promise not to toy with my heart, Albedo, then I will agree to that.” She repeated. “I don't have much experience, but I at least know I can treat you right, as a partner. Or at least I hope I can…” She corrected herself, Albedo smiling.

“Thank you… I may come and seek you out more often, then.” He said offering his hand to her. “Could I ask you for a favor?”

“Of course.”

“Could you help me perform an experiment?”

“Oh, of course. What kind? Will we be fighting monsters? Gathering materials?”

“Um, well… I wish for you to pet my head.” He said softly.

“Pet your head?” She asked. “Of course.” She smiled, Albedo's heart jumping a little at such a cheerfully expression on her face. She lifted her free hand to his head and gently pet him, slowly escalating to teasing out his ponytail and running her fingers through the loose hair behind his head. “Forgive me if this is too much… Your hair is so soft.”

“Not at all.” He replied quickly, clinging to her hand. “It feels… Really nice.” he added, smiling as she continued without him instructing her to. “May I do the same to you when you're done?”

“Of course.” She said, cheeks red. As she pulled her hand away, Albedo began to touch her hair, teasing his fingers through it after she undid the red ribbon at the end of her braid.

“Your hair is very lovely… and the color is stunning.” He said, making more verbal observations as he touched her hair about the feeling and the length. When his hand brushed her ear to tuck her hair behind it, she shivered, Albedo quirking an eyebrow. “My apologies. Are you sensitive there?”

“Y-Yes, quite.” She replied. “But its alright… I don’t mind.” She looked at him, smiling. “Thank you for asking. You're very kind.”

“I try to be, in instances like this.”

“Oh, have you had many relationships before?”

“A few. But they were merely trials.” He stated. “It never lasted long.”

“Oh… I’m sorry for asking.”

“Don't be.” he smiled at her. “Would you mind if I sketched you?”

“Not at all.” she smiled back. “Whatever makes you happy, Albedo.”

—

Mieko walked down the street, carrying a box. She had made something for Albedo to try, and caught a hint from Lisa that he was at the Alchemy Stand. She walked over and saw a man with brown hair talking to Sucrose. “Oh, Miss Mie!” Sucrose smiled. “Welcome. Are you here to see Mister Albedo?”

“I am. But I also came to craft something.”

“Miss Mieko, you know how to use an Alchemy Table…?” Sucrose asked.

“Yes. My grandmother taught me the bare basics.” She smiled. She placed the box down and pulled out a small vial with some shards in it. “I found these laying around my house. So I thought I'd see what I could do with them.” As Mieko used the crafting table, a certain ashy blonde emerged from the store room in the back, eyes widening to see Mieko standing there and using the crafting table.

“Amazing Miss Mieko.” Sucrose smiled as Mieko inspected the piece she'd just crafted.

“Thank you, Sucrose. But like I said, this is just something I picked up from my grandmother.” She turned to see Albedo, smiling. “There you are, Albedo.”

“Mieko. How nice to see you.” his smile made her heart race, but she did her best to hold it down.

“Here. For you.” she picked the box up and handed it to him. “As promised. One new recipe, including Valberries and Apples.”

“Oh, that was quick. Thank you. Let's take a break then, and share it.” he said, Sucrose smiling at them. “Sucrose, Timeaus, I assume you two can mind the shop?”

“Of course, Mister Albedo.” Sucrose nodded, Timeaus agreeing.

“Hey, Mister Albedo? Where's that shopkeep with the braid?” Timeaus asked as Albedo walked out from the back.

“Oh, you must be talking about Mie. She has been working herself too hard recently, so I made her go and sit down. I'm sure she's not wanting to sleep, but at least I know she's physically relaxing a bit.”

“Oh. Are you two close?” Timeaus asked.

“I haven't known her for long. But we are courting.” Albedo said in response, Timeaus nearly dropping the box.

“Courting???” He asked. “Mister Albedo, you're… Dating???”

“Yes. Is that surprising?” He asked.

“Ah, no, but… Where is she resting?”

“On my chair. Where else?”

“Mister Albedo… That chair is hardly comfortable enough to use as a place of rest for a lady…”

“It isn't?” How strange. Mieko didn't seem to complain.”

“Mieko?”

“Albedo??? Is that you? I'm in the kitchen.” Mieko called back, smiling as Albedo walked in. She had her back turned because she was doing dishes, glancing over her shoulder at him. Her eyes went wide when she saw him standing there, offering her a bouquet.

“I brought you some Cecilias… I hope you like them.” Mieko took the flowers, cheeks pink.

“How did you know Cecilias were my favorite?” She asked in utter disbelief. She hadn't told him that they were her favorite, only that they were her grandmother's favorite.

“Oh, they are? I'm glad I picked the right flower, then.” Albedo smiled softly. She was about to answer, but her stomach growled, causing her to turn redder. “Mie, did you skip lunch? Don't worry. I believe you should take a break, though. I also brought Sunshine Sprat, if you're hungry.”

“Y-You don't have to do all that.” She said. “I know its an experiment, so you must be trying the textbook good boyfriend behavior, but…” She felt bad for him treating her so well, as well as because her heart hurt. He was so impossobly perfect to her.

“Perhaps then… You could do me a favor as compensation?”

“A favor? Of course. What is it?”

“I needed someone's assistance with an experiment. I believe you would be the best for the job.” He stated. “As you know textiles and materials well, I wanted some assistance in testing a new fabric dye made of alchemical compounds.”

“Oh. A fabric dye…?” She nodded. “Of course. I'll gladly assist.”

“Good. Then if you please, take your payment first so you have some energy. And we can begin the experiment.”

Albedo walked into the workshop one day, looking irritated. His expression wasnt that different, but it was enough for Mieko to notice. As he walked over, she offered her arms to Albedo, the blonde staring before walking closer. “The experiments are not panning out as I had hoped.” He explained.

“And that's alright. These things happen sometimes.” She said, wrapping her arms carefully around him and holding him for a few moments before loosening her grip. “Come.” She lead him to her couch and sat, patting her lap. “Lay your head down and rest. You're clearly needing it.”

“I don't want to trouble you.” he shook his head.

“It's not trouble. Please. I insist.” Albedo nodded slowly in response before moving to sit. Mieko helped him tease out his braids once his hair tie was removed, then eased him to laying down on her thigh.

“This is quite comfortable.”

“Is it? I'm glad.” She smiled down at him. “Rest as long as you like. I'll stay right here.” She said, gently running her fingers through his hair as he laid there. Albedo's eyes began to slide closed, and once he was asleep, Mieko removed her hand from his hair so she didn't wake him. She watched him sleep for a short while before turning her attention to her notes on the side table, scribbling some things down and relaxing for a while. They had really gotten into their routine, going to see one another when they wanted. Sometimes for favors, sometimes just for the company. They had gotten to learn one another's habits very well too. Mieko glanced down at Albedo, smiling sadly. “It’s so unfair… That I'm so aware of how much I wish this were a more organic relationship with you.” she whispered. “But you'll truly never feel this way for me. You just put up a good front, for the sake of the experiment…” She put her pen down and sighed. “Maybe just for a little while… I could pretend to be happy? Is that asking too much…?”

#winter-cheshire-writings #genshin oc x canon #genshin albedo #genshin impact albedo #genshin impact #albedo x oc #oc x canon #echoes and experiments #mieko - oc #miebedoship

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beelstoecrust · 3 years

Text

Reading you based on your obey me Kin

i will be ruthless and im not holdin back!! ok now say it with me😈

Lucifer

I kin Lucifer and I have a hard time reaching out to my friends for help even when i know i need it. I don't want people to get worried about me so i mask my issues and help everyone with thier issues, completely disregarding my own needs for a break. in the end i feel alone because regardless of saying im ok, i want someone to truly sit with me and ask me if im ok, but i fear that moment because im not used to dealing with my own issues

Mammon

I kin Mammon and i just want to feel seen and loved. sometimes i do stupid/dumb things to get the seratonin that comes from making people laugh. i feel like no one ever listens to me and it makes me feel insignificant and like the last one to get picked. i truly want to be myself and fear that if im not the odds one out by doing little dumb things people will think im essentially worthless and most likely think im borning. I have a hard time talking about my feelings and want to so desperately, that if i do i won't know what to say or where to start due to the many emotions i've bottled up throughout my life

Levi

I kin Leviathan and i have very bad anxiety. i have a difficult time making friends and part of that reason is bc im scared they already hate me or want nothing to do with me. I know my interests are different from what is considered the norm but i so desperately want to talk and ramble about said interest for hours to someone who will at the very least listen. I get bashed about the things i like by my family and although i dont show it, this hurts me deeply. I lock myself in my room and indulge myself in my favorite things bc each character makes me wish i had certain aspects of them and makes me wish i lived an interesting life but bc of my anxiety it's extremely hard for me to do so. Im also used to being the last one picked and often assume i will always be the last one picked no matter how many times im reassured and deep down i want someone to relish in my own interests with me and truly love and care for me

Satan

I kin Satan and i have a horrible realtionship with my father. I Loathe my father and the tension arises every time we a near one another. A part of me feels terrible that i loathe my father because i know he has his own mind and emotions and i want to forgive him for what he's done but in the end I know it's fruitless to forgive him bc he has put me through alot of pain and hurt. i wish things couldve been different and we couldve had a normal bond. I also hide my emotions very well and am ashamed of ever feeling angry bc it makes me feel like i am horrible person. im also not used to affection and have only ever seeked or felt genuine affection from my pets. I also fear as if i have no personality and that im boring.

Asmodeus

I kin Asmo and i feel like i need to act confident around others in order for them to like me because im too scared to show people my insecurities because i fear they will never view me the same again and leave me in disgust. I want everyone to like me and I also can't handle when someone doesn't want to be my friend or doesn't like me bc i feel if there's something wrong with me. the need to act confident and cute all the time makes me oblivious to the fact that my insecurities shine through at times and make me even more oblivious to the fact people like me for who i am, insecurities and all

Beelzebub

I kin Beel and i have some form of sepreation anxiety towards my favorite person. i often get a sudden fear that something bad will happen to my fav person even though everything is ok. I get made fun of or scolded by my eating habbits and it makes me feel absolutely terrible because i'm trying. i also care very deeply for my family/friends and will do anything for them. i place unnecessarily guilt onto myself and perfer to do so, so that no one else has to bear the burden.

Belphegor

I kin Belphie and i act as if nothing matters but i secretly am very worried and care alot about my friends/family. I also stay up very late because i feel like i have no control over my life during the day and for some reason i feel like staying up late gives me some kind of control. I also hide my emotions with a sarcastic tone and usually think about the the mistakes ive made in my past while i cry in bed. i dont ask others for help emotionally and i want someone to care and listen to me as well as to relish in a calm peaceful life.

/Undatables/

Diavolo

I kin Diavolo and i fear that telling ppl i care about them isn't enough to get the message across so i constantly gift people things in hopes to show them i care. i also fear gifting things too much drives people away from me, i also dont get included much with friends and feel as if i have done something wrong. i also feel very upset when a fun time is over because the feeling of happiness goes with that moment, so i constantly throw little parties and whatnot to relish in the joy but feel upset once it's over. i can also read people well and get put on edge or very cautious when i cannot read someone

Barbatos

I kin barbatos and i constantly take care of others never once letting myself take a break. I hide my emotions behind a smile in order to not worry others and because i dont want dont ppls sense of depency on me to be ruined. i rarely let myself take breaks bc i fear that i wont be there for the person i care about when they need me.

Solomon

I kin solomon and i usually supress my emotions to hide the fact im not very used to being shown affection and that im not as confident as i seem. I also am a very private person but the fact im so secretive makes me disliked by some bc they think i dislike them. i also wish my friends would include me in more events with them and when they dont i bury myself in an activity to hide the fact im upset about it

Simeon

I kin simeon and i want to know and make sure they everyone is ok. i know just how to push and pull people's buttons but i wont abuse this because i care about those people. i'm also very hard to read and perfer to give people advise rather than answers to their problems. The constant taking care of others makes me forget that i also need time to just myself. It takes alot and i mean alot to anger me but once it happens it's not very pretty.

Luke

I kin luke and I want to take care of everyone and often forget to take care of myself. People often dont take me seriously and so i often i find myself baking as a coping mechisim bc it makes me feel in control of little things. I also have a hard time admitting that i care about others and i'll unknowingly show my affection that i do care about them by giving them little gifts and advice. im also very oblivious to certain topics and are i get mad when i get left in the dark about certain topics.

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hermit-god-au-pog · 3 years

Text

[OLD AND MAY BECOME NON-CANON LATER ON] Got some short stories for ya’ll!

After much struggle i managed to think of some more lore based prompts for some short stories! They’ll be under the cut!

One of a conversation between Helsknight and EvilXisuma, the other of an interaction between TFC and GeminiTay! What can i say im a sucker for these two. The stuff is only slightly proof-read by myself so sorry for any mistakes in grammer or if things sound weird lol

Anyway, I hope ya’ll enjoy! And if i need to add any tw’s just say! I dont think i will though! Long post under the cut though

EX&Hels have a conversation

“So let me get this straight,” Helsknight sat up in his seat and leaned on the table between the two” You’re not considered a hels hermit at all?” Evil Xisuma rolls his eyes but chuckles at the other, he doesn’t blame him for not knowing, hell the only ones who probably knew were him and Grian’s little buddies.

“No, I am not a hels hermit like you. But, I work very similarly. Me personally, I’m the axolotl’s evil clone according to my code. But, and I can’t speak for the others, I still fill up the role of why a hels is created.” Helsknight slowly blinked at the other and rose an eyebrow.

“What is that supposed to mean exactly?” Evil X let out a snort at the other’s question.

“Well basically, Hels exist for one reason, to keep the gods, or hermits as we know them, in check. Granted they’re all too nice to do anything we’d do, but the point still stands. Hels are here to counteract the hermits, and the Axolotl doesn’t have a hels per say because I exist. But that’s not stopping the void from making a hels version if need be.” Helsknight leaned back and crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at Evil X.

“Ok, so because you already existed, the void didn’t make a counterpart for the admin. But what do you mean it could make another? Why would we need a third Xisuma?” Evil X tapped his chin as he thinks of what he should say.

“Well, let’s just say the void has already planned for that” Helsknight could feel the shit-eating grin the other was giving him. But Evil X gestures to another person in the room. Helsknight, begrudgingly, decided to look, and see’s what the other was talking about. There was a turtle Xisuma sitting at a bar, but he looked almost vacant, like an NPC almost.

“Now, I’ve never talked to that guy, and based on the interactions they’ve had with others, he’s entirely just a placeholder, an NPC ready to be coded into action.” Helsknight turned back to Evil X who was looking at him now.”But unless something happens to me, I keep the role of a ‘hels counterpart’ even though I’m not a hels.” Blinking, helsknight picked up his drink, downing the rest of its contents, this was a very weird conversation they were having but, informative. Then something struck him.

“You said something about others earlier” Evil X feigned innocence and confusion, making helsknight growl.

“Earlier this conversation! You said ‘ But, and I can’t speak for the others, I still fill up the role of why a hels is created’. There are others who aren’t technically hels hermits on the server?” Evil X snorted then started laughing. Helsknight slammed his hands on the table and stood up.

“No! I’m serious! Who the hell are the others?!” After Evil X got done with his laughing fit, he pretended to wipe away some tears.

“You really are dense my friend” before the other could reply, Evil X continued” The only ones I personally know of, are actually Grian’s-”

“You said that using plurals, does Grian seriously have 2?” Helsknight looked at the other bewildered as he nodded.

“Indeed he does my friend. I don’t entirely understand it myself. One calls themself NpcGrian, or NPG for short, the other one calls themself Robot Grian or RG for short. And between us, RG is definitely the eviler and smarter one of the two. He’s probably the one considered the hels version.” Helsknight slumped back in his seat and rubbed his temple, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Alright, to get away from that confusing topic, you said hels were made to counter the gods?” Evil X nodded.

“Yee-p” popping the p at the end, Evil X leaned forward.” All the gods being together in one space can be seen as quite a dangerous predicament, and if they ever decided to team up and rise up for some reason, no one would know before it’s too late. So to try and stop that, keep the gods on their toes and aware, the hels were made. You were one of the first to become sentient and seek out your counterpart actually”

Helsknight looked at the other for a moment then realized something. Something that didn’t settle right with him.

“How do you know all of this information? I’m pretty sure not even Xisuma knows this crap.” Hels rose an eyebrow as the other’s expression got darker behind the mask he wore.

“Let’s just say, being locked in the void for ages gives you some free time. And the ability to look through your and your clone’s codes, even though I was never able to edit them.” Huh, well that made sense.

TFC helps Gem out/aka being a god is overwhelming

Sometimes, to really appreciate the world you live in, you just gotta walk around. Taking in the sights of what the world holds and what your fellow hermits have made. And honestly, TFC is usually blown away by how talented the hermits are. He may not be much of a builder himself, but he’s happy they’ve kept him along the way nonetheless. Little ol’ miner TFC, walking amongst godly builders, figuratively and literally.

Sometimes on TFC’s walks, he’ll come across other hermits, not often, but it’s always pleasant when he does. TFC admits, he should get out to talk to the others more, but he can’t help it. The mines make him feel at home. But today, walking into one of the newer hermits areas, he had a bad feeling in his gut.

Deciding to stray from the path TFC decided to look around the area, a bit more in dept. And low and behold, once getting close to one of the new hermits custom trees, he heard soft, stifled crying. Like they were trying to cover it up. Eyes softening, TFC went over to the home next to this wonderful tree and knocked, before letting himself peek inside.

GeminiTay sat in the corner, her head snapped up and it was obvious how overwhelmed and tired she looked. TFC gave a slight smile and walked inside, closing the door gently. Gemini watched tensely as TFC walked over, his pickaxe he used as a cane clicking with every step. But, TFC sat down next to her and softly asked.

“Would physical touch help this situation or worsen it?” Seeing Gemini’s tears starting to well up more, TFC opened his arms, offering her a safe space. And she took it. Gemini scrambled to get up and hug the other. She didn’t know why his presence felt so...comforting, but it did, and once she started the hug, the floodgates were let loose. She couldn’t hold back her tears even if she tried.

TFC held the young girl close, gently rubbing circles into her back as her whole frame shook and twitched. TFC did notice the leaves that moved like butterflies flying about in the home. He semi-watched them as he comforted the hermit in his arms, taking notes on the situation.

Once TFC heard the girls’ cries soften and as her body became less shaky, he decided to start talking.

“I understand if you’re too overwhelmed to talk right now, but was this panic caused by some aspect of your godly nature?” TFC waited patiently, and when he felt a soft nod on his shoulder he let out a little sigh.

“You are one of the newest gods in general, not even to the server, have you been taught anything more than the basics yet?” a small shake of her head.”So you’re not yet in tune with who you are and the powers you possess, and due to that, something within you snapped, and you started hearing noises or voices, am I correct?” TFC could feel Gem tense like he had just read her mind, but she gave a soft nod. TFC looked around at the leaf butterflies, more seem to have gathered.

“Are the voices still present? Have they gotten any louder or more intense?” With the soft nod, TFC was starting to understand a bit more. Gently sitting Gemini up, he made the corner they were in into a cozy one full of blankets and pillows.

Gemini then watched, rubbing her slightly puffed-up eyes, as TFC started to gather the leaf butterflies. Once he got a good amount he gently set them free outside. And the more he let go, the less overwhelmed Gemini felt. Once most of the creatures were out TFC made his way back over and sat across from Gemini.

“Ready to talk?” Gemini nodded, sniffling and wiping away any stray tears. Taking a deep breath Gemini starts talking.

“So...So I was just doing my normal routine, today I decided to do some enchanting. But then my tree, my /tree/ started talking to me and I got confused. So I went over and put a hand on the tree.”Gemini paused, breath hitching again. TFC gently held one of her hands, reassuring her to take her time. After catching her breath, Gem continued.

“And..And then I...And then I heard all these voices and cries. Some were asking me for help, some were..thanking me? Some were crying, some cheering...But they all came at once and I couldn’t shut them off. Then I started hearing more despair than anything else and I... I couldn’t do it. My body got all fuzzy! And my eyes got blurry but different from tear blur. I felt my body...change. And so I ran in here. And I only started to feel my body go back to normal shortly before you came..” Gem panted softly when she was done, her tears back and starting to fall again. She was looking down at her feet.

But when she felt a soft big hand on her cheek, whipping away her tears, she looked up. TFC gave her a gentle smile, a reassuring one, and, it honestly helped her more than she would have thought.

“That my dear was your body being forced into its godly form. Every god has one, but most prefer not to be in them, as they can be taxing after long uses. But they’re nothing to be afraid of. You just went into it unwillingly.” Gemini nods softly, following along so far.”And if you would like, I can help you learn how to go into it and out of it, at will. I’ll do it with you.”

Gemini thought about it for a while. She didn’t know how long, but TFC never rushed her into deciding, only waiting patiently, giving her time to think. But, if she learned how to control that form, maybe it would be less frightening if this ever happened again. Gem then looked at TFC and gave a quick nod.

“Yea, ok. I, I want to learn how to control this...godly form of mine. But you’ll do it with me right?” TFC nodded and scooted so that they bot sat criss-cross, knees touching each other. TFC then gently held both of her hands.

“Ok, to start off with, think of why you became a god, and what you’re the god of. Think of what that means to you.” Gem nodded, closing her eyes as she held TFC’s hands. Furrowing her brows a bit Gemini thought.

Thought of the event that lead her to be a god, why she did what she did. She thought of what that event meant to her and why she would do it again. And she felt the tension in her shoulders released. Gem then thought of what it meant to be the goddess of the forest, what the responsibility and future actions might hold for her.

“Good, you’re doing great” TFC’s voice rang through her ears.”Now hold onto that feeling, clutch onto it, cherish it. Once you’ve done that, let go. Let yourself feel your body change, let it morph and melt into something new.”

Taking one more deep breath, Gem followed his instructions. The feeling her ‘job’ gave her, the hope she had for herself, and so on, she held it close to her heart, and let herself stop caring about the mortal plane for a bit. And she felt herself change. Like what happened earlier, but less jarring and harsh. She felt her body almost melt, felt it slither around while being on one spot. The feeling wasn’t unpleasant like it was before. It felt like shifting over in bed, something familiar.

“There we go, you’ve done it, you can open your eyes.” Cautiously, Gem opened her eyes, and instead of being met with the soft grandpa from before, there was a whole new person. They looked like TFC but also now. They had more sharp edges and the particles of different ores around them were very present, and they radiated the energy of a god. He reached over and cupped her cheek.

“How do you feel?” Gemini thinks, she looked down at her new self, realizing how much bigger the two were now. She looked at all the leaf butterflies, not being as scared of them now. She felt power coursing through her, the whispered of the plants and tree’s outside. But now that she’s not in her panicked state, it was a lot more comforting. Gem felt a soft smile form over their lips. Looking up at TFC she felt warmth in her chest.

“Now that I’m not panicking, it feels nice. It feels warm, and I feel stronger.” TFC nods, looking pleased.

“Now, let’s go back to normal shall we?” Gem nods and puts her head down, closing her eyes again.

“Now, recognize your form, recognize the power coursing through you. Hold that feeling, and imagine yourself tucking it away for later. Let yourself relax and let your body morph once more” And once again, Gem tried her best to follow along.

And next time she opened her eyes, the normal TFC sat in front of her. Looking down at herself, Gem saw her she was back to normal. Smiling Gem leaped up to hug TFC. Hugging back TFC gently pet her hair.

“Now, let’s get you to bed, You need some rest after all that. Tomorrow we’ll talk more about this stuff ok?”

And with that, TFC and Gem got comfy in the small comfort fort TFC had made and Gem fell asleep. During the afternoon Bdubs came to see gem, but finding her and TFC sleeping, he just smiled fondly and closed the door quietly. Informing the server not to disturb the two for the rest of the night and left the sleeping duo to rest

#hermit gods #hels hermits #helsknight #evil xisuma #tinfoilchef #geminitay #HGAU facts #i mean these short stories add on a lot to the lore of the au #and sorry ive been inactive #real life sucks lol #but i hope someone enjoys these stories haha #gems godly outfit is in the works btw!#as well as mumbo's #i might so some stuff with ijevin soon though #i miss the slime boi

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fluffymcu · 4 years

Text

Letting Loose

Part SIXTEEN

This series is TICKLE related.

Series Summary: You’re the little sister of the one and only Captain America. You’re also the youngest girl on the team, so that automatically makes you the avengers’ little princess. And they spoil you as such. They have become your amazing family and you don’t know where you’d be without them. This series will show random adventures and fluffy events in the daily life of the reader and her family, along with an unexpected turn later on as you read.

A/N: I’m so excited to be writing this series! This is my first time writing one and I’m a bit nervous but I hope it all goes well. :) Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 3,525

Previous Next

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2 weeks have passed, and the confession was mutually forgotten. Things had gotten back to normal. This morning you had woken up with a strong urge to prank. It happened sometimes. You began to think of who would be your next victim when you recalled an incident that occurred yesterday when you were playing kickball with the team in the backyard. You grinned evilly and jumped out of bed, brushed your teeth and went downstairs to eat breakfast with the team.

It was about 11:45 when you decided to go ahead with your plan. You wanted Peter to join you but when you went in his room to check on him, the sleepy head was fast asleep. You rolled your eyes with a smirk and proceeded to head into the changing room, where everyone’s suits were.

It was hard to miss the big red and blue shield that was laying against the wall next to your brother’s suit. You grinned as you grabbed the shield and made your way to your room. You had a plan to paint it a nice green and white, with a sunflower replacing the star.

It was when you were carrying it through the kitchen that Steve walked in. You both stopped in your tracks, looking at each other for a few long seconds. Your eyes were slightly widened and his were deeply narrowed.

“Y/n,,, what are you doing with my shield?” Steve slowly asked, confusion masking his features. You slowly put the shield behind your back as if it wasn’t too late already.

“...Nothing!” You chirped, feeling nervous already; but then you remembered the reason why you’re doing this. “Just thought I’d give this a little makeover since you kept purposely hitting me with the ball yesterday.” You said, smiling extra wide. Steve raised his eyebrows at you, tilting his head down with his jaw slightly dropped.

“Oh, so that’s how you’re gonna play.” He chortled.

“You started it!” You giggled accusingly, holding the shield tighter in your hands. Steve straightened up with a hum, looking straight at you with a mischevious glint in his eyes.

“Well. Then I guess I have to finish it too, don’t I.” He quipped, smirking when you quickly got the message and booked it to your room and immediately went after you.

You were letting out nervous laughter as you ran as fast as you could. You could hear his heavy footsteps thundering behind you and it made all the nervousness pile in your stomach. You could already feel the ghost tickles on your sides and it didn’t help at all. You took the long way to your room, hoping all the turns in the hallways would throw him off but unfortunately he was still gaining on you.

“Steve plehehehease!” You pleaded, getting closer to your room. You could hear him chuckling behind you and you tried to run even faster. You were sure you weren’t going as fast as you normally can, but the heavy shield was slowing you down just a bit. When you got to your room, you dropped the shield quickly so you could turn to close and lock the door but Steve quickly barged in and scooped you up. “NOhohoho pleheheHEHEASEE! HAHAHAHA!” You burst into laughter as Steve wasted no time in digging deeply into your sides. He smirked at your attempts to get out of his hold by flopping around like a fish.

“Enjoying your date with the Tickle Monster Y/n?” He teased, sitting on your mattress and lifting your shirt to blow a very ticklish raspberry. You hung your head back as you cackled, helplessly pushing at his head.

“NOHOHO! LET ME GOHOHOOO!” You squeal, shaking your head. Steve gasped loudly and grabbed you under your arms and slammed you onto the mattress, pinning you with his weight.

“You’re not?!?!” He asked incredulously. You were giggling uncontrollably, very aware that his hands were still under your arms. You kept your arms firmly pressed to your sides, your laughter going up an octave at the fact that he wasn’t even doing anything. It made you extremely nervous.

“STEHEHEVE STOHOHOP IT!” You screamed in hysterics. Steve laughed along with you and shook his head.

“I’m not even doing anything yet!!” He laughed, suddenly blowing a raspberry on your neck to catch you by surprise. You shrieked and shrugged your shoulder up.

“LIAHAHAHAR!”

Steve giggled and began to move his fingers that were trapped under your arms. You threw your head back as you laughed, not being able to kick your feet out because of his weight on you. “I can’t believe you’re not enjoying your time with Tickle Monster! I must be doing something wrong.” He hummed, pulling his hands out and getting off you briefly to grab your legs. You squealed as you tried to kick your legs out of his grip but it was no use. “Maybe this’ll change your mind.” He smirked before gripping your ankle and using his other hand to squeeze your thighs.

You began to let out deep belly laughter as you twisted all around your bed, begging for him to stop. “STEHEHEHEVE PLEHEHEASE I CAHAHANT!” You yelled, shrieking when he dug his thumbs into your hips.

“But this is so much fun! And I still need to get your belly and your feet!” He giggled, skittering his fingers under your shirt to attack your belly. You instantly brought your knees to your chest out of reflex and squealed. Steve always knew exactly how to tickle your belly. It was always gentle but he would find a way to make it tickle like hell. Your laughter was going hoarse and you began wheezing more often, so Steve decided to give you a minute to breathe. You sucked in as much air as you could, and when you mostly recovered, you tried to wiggle out from under him. “Ah ah ah.” He scolded, bending down to nibble at your neck to stop you.

You squealed loudly and shrugged your shoulders. “OKAhahahy okay okahahay!” You giggled, panting as he leaned back again. “Plehehase no more, I can’t tahahake it!”

“What’s the magic word?” he smirked.

“Plehease!” You said.

“Nope!” Steve yelped, nibbling at your neck again and blowing a raspberry.

“AHAHA! NOHOHOOO DONT DO THIHIS!” You pleaded.

“What’s the magic word then, y/n?” He asked again. Why did he have to be in such a playful mood today? You hummed, desperately seeking for a word that could possibly be it. Steve began to lightly drag his fingers up and down your sides to make this more unbearable to you. You arched your back and tried your best to stifle your giggles. “I’ll give you a clue. It’s sssssss...”

“SORRYHYHY!” You yelled. Steve laughed and got off you.

“And are you gonna steal my shield again?” He asked, raising his brow at you. You shook your head letting out residual giggles.

“Nohohoho. I prohomise.” Steve smiled fondly and kissed your forehead before picking up his shield.

“Apology accepted then.” He said with a smile and left your room. You sighed in relief and laid on your bed for a couple more minutes to regain your strength.

“So not fair.” You sighed exhaustedly.

----

About half an hour later, you were in Peter’s room helping him clean up. His room was a mess and Tony said he wasn’t allowed to go patrolling until it was clean. You had offered to help him clean up and he had gladly accepted.

In 20 minutes, you both had finished up and his room was looking even neater than yours. You both high fived and helped him get ready. “Thanks again, y/n/n. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

‘Yeah no problem. You got enough web fluid?”

“Yep!”

“Okay. See you later, and be careful ok?” You said, watching as he lifted his window up and crawled out.

“I will. Bye!” He smiled before jumping off the building and swinging away. You sighed and made your way to the kitchen to get a snack before going up to your room and reading a few pages of the new book that Bucky had gotten you on a mission.

-----

As you were reading your book, you suddenly feel the walls tremble a little, and the possessions in your room start to shake. You look up in confusion, since that only happens when the Quinjet lands, and even then it doesn’t usually tremble so much like this. No one was on a mission either, so you were confused as to what that could be.

You stand up and go to your window, pulling the curtains away and look outside. Your eyes widen and you gasp loudly. “No WAY!” You yell, sprinting out the door and down the stairs.

As you race past the kitchen, Steve is sitting at the island. “Hey y/n/n, look who’s-”

“I know!!” You squeal and run outside to the landing site, squinting your eyes at the strong wind that the ship is blowing as it lands to the ground. The Milano! The door to the ship drops down and reveals the best team in the galaxy (don’t tell the avengers) “PETEEEER!” You yell as you run towards the ship to meet Star Lord. “Kid! Long time no see!” You greet everyone, especially Gamora and Drax. You haven’t seen them in years!! Ever since you were 7 years old. You notice someone else is in the ship after you say hi to Rocket, and you ask who she is.

“Hello, I am Mantis!” She says, giving you a weird smile. You smile back and giggle. “Hi Mantis. I’m y/n. Your antennae are so cool!!” You say, watching as her face lights up. At this moment, Peter swings in and lands not too far from the ship.

“Hey guys, I’m back. What’s going on here?” He asks. “Wooooah. Are you guys the Guardians of the Galaxy?” He asked, amazed. The team then subtly tries to pose in a heroic stance as a team, looking off into nothing.

“Why yes. We are.” Quill says, taking a step closer to Peter, offering his hand. “The name’s Peter. Peter Quill. People call me Star Lord.” Peter shakes his hand with a grin.

“That is so cool. I’m Peter too! But my last name is Parker.” He says awkwardly. You giggle at the exchange and watch as the rest of the guardians introduce themselves to Peter.

“Are you guys staying the night?” You ask hopefully. Peter smiles and nods.

“Yup! We’ll stay a night. We need to be on our way by tomorrow morning.” You’re a bit disappointed that it’s such little time, but you’re happy that they’ll be at least staying a bit.

While the guardians go inside to greet the team, you, Peter, and Ruby Anne stay behind with Mantis and have fun asking her questions and stuff. You take her close to the trees where Wanda grows a nice garden with lots of flowers and you all sit down at a bench to talk. Mantis goes on to talk about her home planet and how she helped the guardians defeat Ego. It was all so interesting and Peter was geeking out about how there are so many other life forms in the universe.

“Wow. I wish we could travel to all the planets.” Peter hummed. “Ooh. It’d be so cool if like, there were other universes but they were like, the same. you know? Like in each universe there was you, and Tony, and everyone. And there would be like, a bunch of Spidermen, one in each universe you know? And there would be some way to like, cross universes and meet up with all the Spider people. And we would all look like different people and get our powers in different ways but still have the same powers. That would be so cool.” He said, leaning back on the bench.

You nodded, raising your eyebrows. “That would be cool.” You sighed.

“Yeah, too bad that’s a far fetch. I doubt there would be more than one person who happened to get but by a radioactive spider.” Ruby sighed. You and Peter hummed in agreement and bobbed your heads.

Bucky called for all of you to come in after that. “Guys! Dinner’s ready!”

“Coming!”

----

You all ate at the table, catching up with the guardians and filling each other in on things and having a lot of laughs. After dinner, you helped Pepper clean up and do the dishes. Rocket had reached the computer room and somehow managed to play Peter’s soundtrack all over the compound. You didn’t mind though, it gave you something to hum along to as you cleaned up.

----

As you were fixing up your room a bit for the sleepover you, Pete and Ruby Anne were going to have, Peter poked his head through the door and smiled. You returned the gesture and motioned for him to come in.

Peter walked in slowly, taking a look around your bedroom. “It’s changed much since I’ve last been here. You’re so big now!” He said smiling fondly, taking a seat at the edge of your bed.

You smiled widely and hopped on your bed, leaning your back against the headboard. “Yyyup!” You say smugly. “I’ve changed a lot since then.”

Peter mirrors your smirk and tilts his head. “Are you sure? You seem the same: small, sweet and cuddly.” He teased, pinching your cheek. You groan with a deep blush, crossing your arms.

“Well, I’m not! Like I said, I’ve changed a lot these past few years, I’m not the same person I was.” You say tilting your chin up.

Peter looks away with a small grin, shrugging his shoulders. “Awww well that’s a shame. I remember when you were so innocent and kind, and when I’d used to play hide and seek with you, and give you piggy back rides, and I’d used to give you raspberries on your belly,” He chuckled at the memory. “You used to love those.”

You shrugged as if none of it mattered, but of course it did. “Well, I’ve moved on from that.”

“Really? You sure? You’re... not even ticklish anymore?” He asked, with a tone of voice that even after all these years, you still recognized as dangerous. Still, you couldn’t just give up now, you could still win this. Right?

“Nope. I grew out of that.” You say, a confident smile gracing your features.

“Is that so?” He asked slowly, staring at you intensely through slightly narrowed eyes. Then he quickly looked away, nodding his head as if he was processing your words before quickly turning back to you. “Well,,,, a little bird just happened to tell me something of the opposite.” He hummed, raising his eyebrows at your “crap’’ face before attacking your belly. You shriek and fall into hysterics, sliding down the headboard and trying your best to curl up into a ball. “Oh, you were so right. You definitely outgrew this.” He smirked, scratching his fingers right above your belly button.

You were already lost in laughter, letting out all kinds of squeals and giggles, halfheartedly slapping at his hands. “PLeheheHEHEASE!” Peter laughed along with you and slipped his hands under your shirt, expertly drilling his fingers in between the ribs, making you yelp and arch your back, your laughter booming out of your chest. “NOHOHO NOHOT MY RIHIHIBS!” You squeal, throwing your head back in ticklish agony.

Peter chuckled and kept it up. “Why not the ribs? Huh?” He asked and lifted your shirt to nibble your lower ribs while holding your wrists to the sides of your head. You startled cackling, kicking your legs out desperately. You couldn’t even yell out protests since all that came out of your mouth was laughter.

Peter sat up and started attacking your neck, scratching under your chin, making you let out loud squeaks. Whenever you’d try to grab his hands, they’d quickly go to poke your belly, surprising you every time, then going back to your neck. “Ihihihi CAHAHahahant!” You giggled, feeling your muscles turn to mush. Peter found it adorable.

“Awww, I’ve missed your laugh! It’s so cute!” He said, blowing raspberry after raspberry on your belly like he used to do. This made your laughter hysterical again, making you desperately push at his head.

“STOHOHOHOP IHIHIT!” You squealed, sucking in as much air when he sat back for a moment.

“But you used to love these! When you were a baby you’d always laugh and say ‘Again! Again!’ You’d never get enough!” He smiled, chuckling when you blushed deeply again.

“NOHOHOT ANYMOHOHORE!” You cried. You do. You actually do. Peter smirked and blew one last raspberry, relishing in the sound of your adorable laughter before sitting up and leaning to the side.

“Aww, ok ok fine.” He says, grabbing you and pulling you into a hug. You were still giggling, making yourself limp in his arms. Peter chuckled and rested his head on yours for a bit. You finally caught your breath and closed your eyes with a relaxed smile on your face. You both stayed there for a few more moments before you spoke up.

“I’ve really missed you.” You say, hugging him tightly. Peter looks down at you and smiles. “Thank you for coming over and staying the night.”

“Of course,” He starts. “I missed you too Squirt.” He shifts a bit to lay against the headboard, taking you with him. “I know we haven’t been coming to visit regularly, and I’m sorry for that. I’ve missed a lot of years of your life.”

“It’s okay.”

“But it’s not. I’m sorry. We’ve just been so busy, trying to escape bounty hunters, Nova Corps, old enemies, even.... even family. My dad. Then so much other stuff came on and... time flew by.” He shrugged sadly. “That’s not an excuse but, I just don’t want you to think we didn’t come back because we didn’t wanna see you. We love you so much.”

You looked up and gave him a reassuring smile. “I didn’t think that. It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re here now.”

Peter smiled gratefully and stroked his fingers through your hair before there was a knock on your door. Gamora showed herself in and smiled at the 2 of you. “Hey. Mind if I borrow Peter for a bit?” You shook your head and got off his lap, letting him stand up. You grabbed his arm to tell him something discreetly.

“I’m glad you two are finally a thing.” You whisper, wearing a small smirk. Peter returns it and nods.

“Me too. An unspoken thing but,, we’ll get there.” He said, waving off the last part before joining Gamora. You smiled slightly and sighed before going down to the kitchen for a bit to hang out with everyone.

———

“Are. You. Ready.” You started, standing next to Peter whole narrowing your eyes at Ruby Anne who was standing a few feet from you. “For the insanely dramatic, extremely extraordinary, inevitable fun you’re about to have on your FIRST sleepover?!?” You asked her with excitement. Ruby smirked and nodded slightly.

“A bit underwhelming but, Great!” Peter shrugged, pulling out a thumbs up and turning around to pull out a stack of UNO cards.

After some games, the three of you found yourselves bundled up in blankets watching a movie together before falling asleep until the next morning.

——

After breakfast, you all had to say goodbye to the guardians, as they were about to leave. Everyone said their goodbyes, and you walked up to the team with a sad frown. Peter patted your head before pulling you into a hug after you said bye to Gamora,Rocket and Drax. You hugged him tightly and closed your eyes.

“I’m gonna miss you.” You sighed. Peter smiled lightly at you and rubbed your back.

“Don’t worry y/n/n. Now that everything is settled down a bit, We’ll come to visit a lot more often. I promise.” He said. You smiled at this, flashing your teeth and nodded.

“Ok! I can’t wait.”

Mantis called you from afar, making you step over to her. She pulled out a sort of large smooth rock with googly eyes glued on and a sprout taped onto the top. You giggled at the sight and looked up at her.

“I deeply appreciate the time you spent with me out in the garden. So I went to one of the offices and gathered some supplies to apply these little eyes to this nice rock I found outside. So I made this new little friend for you. As a parting gift!” She said, smiling widely at you.

You felt a warm feeling inside as you gladly accepted the rock. “Wow... thank you Mantis! It’s so cute! I shall name him.... Stick.” You nodded, watching as her face lit up even more.

“That is a wonderful name y/n! I hope to see you again soon.” She said before joining the guardians on the ship.

“Bye!” You waved.

You watched the Milano leave into the sky with a smile on your face, already excited for their next visit.

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p3bble2 · 3 years

Text

I hate myself. I’m a fat ugly pig who no one loves.

Anyways… I was feeling like relapsing with sh again so I went to look at other peoples sh to help the feeling pass… stupid and weird I know… but then seeing all the b100d and how deep others went made the urges stronger. Yay😆😕

I have so much homework to do but like I have no motivation😔😒 but like obviously I’ll get it done on time because I’m scared of failure 😫

Like no one even notices how hurt and broken I feel. I have good grades that’s why right? People with good grades and pays attention aren’t actually struggling? Hahah yeah..

Sometimes I feel like I’m just faking it… like what if I don’t actually have depression, anxiety, or and ed? Like I haven’t been diagnosed for and Ed because I lie. Like what if I’m just seeking attention? It’s like I hate being the center of attention and talking but I just want someone to notice..? I don’t know maybe I’d still rather be alone and unnoticed..?

Bruhhh does anyone know how to restrict without eating so much.. that made no sense but I don’t know how to phrase it. Like I’ve been eating to much these last few months and I’ve gained. I fucking hate myself. Please give me advice😞 AND DONT FUCKING TELL ME IM GOING TO HURT MY BODY AND ITS BAD FOR ME!!! I DONT CARE! IM SO TIRED OF THIS UGLY FATTNESS! I need to lose weight before I go visit my cousins. And I need to being skinny to feel good about myself. I need to be skinny so people will like me. I just want to be liked by some pretty person💔

Bro my mom just texted me saying she made brownies💔😒 fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Perfect timing am I right…🙁 but I’m not going to have any because I at stupid ugly fat pig and need to stop saying I’ll restrict tomorrow and start right now and actually follow through.

Anyways tips are appreciated😊 I know basically all of them but they aren’t working for me sooooo please have good ones. Also send me mean sp0 or something because I deserve to be put down for being fat and ugly.

Oh I also got my nose piercings and my parents still don’t know🤪

Damn I’m sorry that I just went on a rant like that😂😅 anyways if you read this far thank you❤️ I hope you are having a decent day❤️ bye for now. Oh and sorry for all the spelling errors if there are any. I was typing fast and literally can’t type for the life of me🤪

Edit: if y’all want me to post what I eat I can. Mostly so I can hold myself accountable and if I eat to much I’ll be embarrassed and be stricter on myself. 😭💀 or and maybe comment some easy work outs I can do because I’m been to tired to move and do any which is dumb. I’m a lazy fat pig🤪

#anna miaa #anorexik #buliima #bulimiii #bulimik #tw self destructive behavior #tw eating things #talk of sh #TW sh

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hela-avenger · 4 years

Text

poison & wine- part 18

Author: hela-avenger

Word Count: 1523

Summary: Prince Loki of Asgard is in need of a date to take back home. That’s where you come in with a task of your own to make the whole trip with an insufferable prince worth it. Too bad that things don’t always go as planned and you end up giving more than you can take. Fake-Dating AU.

A/N: And so it begins... I hope you enjoy this part! If you’ll like to be tagged please send me a message! Thanks for reading everyone!

poison & wine masterlist

The ride to the bifrost seemed longer this time around. You assumed it had to do with the nerves you had in what laid for you ahead. The answer you seek was very close to your reach. All you had to do was take that leap and hope something catches you.

You reach the golden dome on the end of the bridge and dismount from your horse. You pray that the horse doesn’t wish to run off and leave you behind seeing as there was nothing to tie him to in order to keep him there with you.

“Stay,” you order as you scratch his snout. “I’ll be back in a few.”

You step away and make your way inside not surprised to find Heimdall already greeting you with a nod. He remained straight and on guard as if he saw you as an opponent at the moment.

“Heimdall,” you greet with a nod of your own. “I assume you saw me coming.”

“Indeed, I did,” he responds.

“Then I assume you also know what I came here for.”

“Yes, I do,” Heimdall answers. “I cannot give you what you seek, Lady Y/N. My loyalty is to King Odin.”

You take a deep breath as you stare at the man in front of you. Loki had warned you that this would be the case but you still had to try. If he couldn’t give you a name, maybe he could point you to the right direction.

“Fine, then why don’t you answer some other questions I have,” you state. “You know what I am. You knew the moment I came to Asgard.”

“I knew before even then,” Heimdall clarifies.

“You did?”

“I see everything,” he reminds you. “I’ve known of your existence since the moment you were born.”

“Then why didn’t you say something?” you ask. “Do something? I was alone down on Earth not knowing what I was for a long time.”

“You were safe,” Heimdall explains. “You made a life down on Earth and you posed no threat to those around you. There was no need to sound an alarm.”

His explanation makes sense but you couldn’t help but still feel wounded by the realization that someone had known about your existence and had decided to ignore it.

“If that’s the case then why not warn someone when I got here?” you ask. “I’ve been reminded that my existence here is life-threatening. If you intend to keep me and others safe, then why not say something now?”

“Because your life is not in danger here,” Heimdall states. “There is no need for you to worry.”

You pause at this declaration.

Frigga and Loki had warned you that your existence was troublesome in the case of inheritance. That was the sole reason you were in danger. If Heimdall states that you are safe then that means your father must have no other heir besides you.

“That would have been nice to know a few days ago,” you sigh out. “Would have saved me the trouble that I’m in now.”

For the first time since you arrived, Heimdall cracks a smile.

“Yes, you and Prince Loki are quite amusing to watch.”

You can’t be surprised that he knows this secret of yours too but even as he says it out loud you are startled by the revelation.

“Why haven’t you told King Odin about our fake courtship?” you ask. “Seems like something you should warn the king about.”

“That his son is rebelling under his rule?” Heimdall offers with a shake of his head. “No, there is no need for me to do so as I know the king suspects of it too. This isn’t the first time Loki’s done something of this sort nor will it be the last. Besides, I am invested in seeing how this recent trick plays out for him as you are certainly not making it easy on the prince.”

You can’t help but laugh at his response. The All-Seer was confusing you more and more in the short time you’ve spent with him. Under all his regal professionalism, he seemed to enjoy the amusements of everyday life. Particularly yours it seems.

“I understand that you can’t tell me who my father is,” you state getting back on track. “But you must at least give me some semblance of a clue to find him.”

“I don’t know what information you seek of me.”

“My father, he’s a part of the royal court if he’s able to travel across the realms, right?” you ask, receiving a nod from Heimdall. “What is his role? His title?"

“I am not at liberty to say.”

“Fine, can you tell me why he went to Earth in the first place?”

“I am not at liberty to say.”

You let out a sigh unsure of what questions you could ask that would offer you some semblance of an answer.

Sensing your frustration at the moment, Heimdall speaks up.

“Try to ask more personal questions,” he offers. “Perhaps then I can give you an answer.”

“Ok, that’s helpful,” you comment. “What…”

You forego asking another question about your father’s role in Asgardian society and instead ask one you intended to ask him.

“Why didn’t my father come back for my mother and me?” you ask him. “Did he even know about me?”

“Yes, he knew of you,” Heimdall answers, finally giving in to you about something. “His intention was always to come back to you.”

“Then why didn’t he?” you ask next.

“I am not at liberty to say.”

You let out a sigh at his response trying to figure out what else to ask.

“He’s not some sort of prisoner, is he?” you ask nervously. “That’s not the reason everything is so secretive about him.”

“No, that’s not the case,” Heimdall answers. “Your father was a good man.”

You can’t help the way your heart drops at hearing the last sentence.

“Was?” you ask, hoping he misspoke. “He was a good man.”

Heimdall nods confirming what you feared most.

“He was a good man.”

You can’t help repeat the simple sentence as you tried to convince yourself that this was indeed true. That all of your efforts had come down to this one revelation; your father was a good man.

“I’m not in danger because he’s…” you falter, unable to say the truth out loud. “Because he’s…”

You can’t help but repeat the conversation in your mind. Solving the puzzle that Heimdall had laid out for you to solve.

He had spoken in the past tense this entire time. He had been keeping an eye on you because he was the only one who knew that you were left alone in the world with no one to take care of you.

“All this time, I thought something kept him,” you whisper. “And then Loki told me… told me I might be in danger and so I thought that maybe he was married and had a family to take care of and I was fine with that too. But… but you… I should have known… I should have at least considered this possibility but I didn’t… I didn’t want to.”

You feel the burning in your eyes and the panic settling within your body. It’s becoming hard to breathe and the last thing you want is for Heimdall to watch you break down.

“If you’ll excuse me,” you stammer out. “I need some… I need some air.”

“Lady Y/N…” Heimdall calls out to you but it’s too late. You’re already running out of the dome.

You don’t know where you’re running to and the tears in your eyes blind you further in the path you decided to take. The tightening in your chest becomes painful and as hard as you try to breathe the pain doesn’t lessen.

It doesn’t take long for you to fall. The act was inevitable. Your body throwing itself across the air.

In a moment of last-minute clarity you realize where you were and what you were falling into. Your eyes clear and you catch sight of the stars scattered around that are unknown to you. Perhaps falling into them couldn’t be the worst thing to happen to you.

“Y/N!”

You’re caught before being able to be embraced by the illuminated darkness. You're pulled into safety and without realizing it your breath returns as your feet settle onto stable ground.

Your eyes find Loki’s as he stares down at you in concern. He kept his arm around your waist unwilling to let you go. It was as if he knew what you had intended to do and was refusing to let you try again.

“Wouldn’t want to fall off here,” Loki tells you. “I’ve made that mistake once before. Don’t recommend it.”

You don’t know how to respond to that and the emotions that you had forgotten amidst the chaos manage to return with no haste. Your eyes are flowing with tears and you can’t stop yourself from clinging to Loki for some hint of comfort.

Surprisingly, he allows it.

poison & wine tag: @damalseer @just-the-hiddles @jessiejunebug @nonsensicalobsessions @smollest-soybean @assassinoftheworld @readerbandit @doyoufeelikeayounggod @strangemcuvlogs @ha-tep @i-dont-know-eiither @gene-king @day-dreaming-fox @bn-studies @is-it-madness @sigyn-njorddottir @devilbat @victor-criss-bish @skinny-macncheese @musicconversedance @baby-bunnyxn @fandoms-allovertheplace @marvelloonie @jinxjinxednova @queenmuahaha @accio-boys @eternalqueensworld @umlvk @roger-the-reindeer @punkrockhufflefluff

Loki Tag: @unicorniorosacomefrutillas @thesilentbluesparrow @oddly-drawn-muse @josiehosiedaninja @hp-hogwartsexpress @sadwaywardkid @wolf-lover74 @sizzlingbarbarianglitter

All Works Tag: @jmb959 @astudyoftimeywimeystuff @hellocookiecutter @steve-rogers-personal-hell @buckybarnesyard @not-zari-tak @strangersstranger

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jedimasterbailey · 3 years

Text

A sneak peak into a future chapter of my Barrisoka Post Order 66 fic. This is how I imagine Luminara and Barriss’s final conversation with each other before the bombing going. Below is a flashback Luminara experiences in her Imperial cell. Mom Lumi and daughter Barriss is the hill I’m going to die on. Link to the fic below if you aren’t already reading!

Flashback

They’re sending you away again, aren’t they? And I won’t be coming with you?” Barriss concludes in an annoyed tone surprising the older woman walking beside her.

Luminara had just exited the Council chambers with her next assignment. She and Master Vos were to go to the jungle world of Drongar to investigate suspicious Spearatist activity involving a medicinal plant known as bota. Quinlan was going in Barriss’s place so that she can help with the sick and injured. Barriss’s healing gift was proving itself more valuable each day as the beds continue to fill up with no end of the war in sight.

“And this frustrates you?” Luminara questions gently, sending calming waves of the Force to soothe her Padawan.

“Yes it does, actually.” Barriss answers sharply, causing Luminara to stop in her tracks.

“Barriss, this isn’t like you. What is it?” Luminara asks placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder.

Barriss chews her lip, “I’m afraid Master.”

“Of what darling?” Luminara presses with a reassuring squeeze.

“Can we go somewhere more quiet?” Barriss pleads gesturing to the many Jedi that walked past them in the halls.

Luminara nods and guides them in an empty meditation room where they could speak in private. The Jedi Master then motions for her apprentice to take a seat on one of the mats on the floor to which she complies. Once both women sat down, Luminara offers Barriss a warm smile.

“What’s on your mind Padawan mine?”

Barriss struggles to maintain eye contact, “Master... I think there’s something wrong with me.”

Luminara’s heart skipped a beat, “What do you mean? Are you feeling alright?”

Barriss slowly nods, “Yes, I just don’t want you to go. I don’t know how much more I can take.”

Luminara deflates seeing how distraught her apprentice looked, “Tell me what’s on your heart Barriss. It hurts me to see you this way!”

Barriss steadies herself, “This war...it’s really taken it’s toll on me. The constant fighting, the death, it hurts me Master. I’m physically okay but every day I just feel myself slipping away. I hardly eat anymore, I can’t sleep without seeing people die... people I love...and they keep sending you away and I worry about you and...”

Barriss then broke into tears immediately causing Luminara to embrace the girl, rubbing soothing circles on her back as she cried.

“It’s okay Barriss... I’ve got you... Let it all out...”

And for several minutes thats how Master and apprentice stayed. While Barriss released her pain, Luminara sucked back tears of her own in order to stay strong for her Padawan. Since the war began, Luminara has despised Barriss’s involvement in it. She knew Barriss’s heightened sensitivity as a healer would make being deployed into battle difficult thus she considered bringing the idea of removing Barriss from the field to the Council. But Luminara knew that Barriss would not allow for it. It would undoubtedly hurt the young woman’s pride and possibly do more damage to her emotional health.

Luminara just couldn’t risk hurting Barriss in any way.

That’s why Luminara spent so much time over preparing for their missions. She wanted to do everything she can for the two of them to be successful, which is why their campaign on Geonosis was such a painful blow. Barriss was more than happy to utilize her photographic memory for an important assignment but it was Luminara’s plan that nearly cost the Padawans their lives. Had Barriss and Ahsoka perished, Luminara knew she would never forgive herself. She remained calm for Anakin, but little did the man know that she was falling apart on the inside as well. As much as her colleague wanted to deny it, Luminara didn’t want to give up on Barriss either. Losing Barriss would have shattered her beyond repair.

Barriss’s breathing then become more labored alerting her Master that a panic attack was underway.

“Breathe with me Barriss, stay with me. Deep breath through the nose in 3...2...1...” Luminara says before breathing deeply herself.

Barriss does as instructed and instantly grew calmer as she synchronized her breath with Luminara’s.

“That’s my girl...” Luminara whispers, kissing the top of Barriss’s head and combing her fingers through her hair.

After a moment of silence Barriss confesses, “There’s something I’ve been keeping from you...about the time I got possessed by the Geonosian parasite.”

Luminara winces at the memory, “Tell me...”

“There was a moment where I was lucid before I went unconscious, where the worm wasn’t speaking for me. I begged for Ahsoka to kill me and she told me she couldn’t and as grateful as I am... I remember feeling disappointed. I wanted to be free of the pain.” Barriss explains before Luminara pulls her chin upward.

Misty violet eyes locked on blue, “Do you still feel this way now?”

Barriss shakes her head, “No... but I fear it may happen again if something doesn’t change.”

Luminara cups Barriss’s cheeks, “Trust me when I say that I feel that same way you do about this war and our involvement in it. The Council isn’t always right, but I’m afraid our hands are tied on this one. It is up to us that we stand up for the millions who can’t defend themselves against evil. Remember what I told you when you kept having nightmares about Geonosis?”

Barriss smiles, “You mean about finding the light?”

Luminara beams with pride, pushing a stray bang from the girl’s face, “It’s always there like I’m always here. Barriss I love you and I promise that when this is all over, we will get you the help you need. I think it’s best we seek Minding services for you, maybe even some other treatment options too to help you cope. There is no shame is seeking help with needed my Padawan. And of course, I’d go with you because Force knows I’m not perfect either!”

The two women then shared a much needed laugh.

“Promise me something Barriss?” Luminara asks touching foreheads with her apprentice.

“Anything my Master.” Barriss says taking Luminara’s hands into her own.

“Stay strong my love and please if you need to talk do not hesitate to contact me. No matter the day or time, I will answer if I’m not in battle. You’ve been so brave through all of this and I’m so grateful you’ve opened up to me. When I come back, you will be receiving a couple tattoos for your courage. I couldn’t be more proud of you. “ Luminara professes before finishing with a proclamation Barriss could never see coming, “You will be a Knight very soon Barriss. You have grown into a far greater Jedi than I could ever hope to be. It will not be long before the Council sees you the way I see you.”

Barriss was speechless, but Luminara was able to see the happiness written all over her Padawan’s face. With another peck on the cheek, Luminara bids Barriss farewell.

“I have to get going now. Dont forget what I’ve said, I love you Barriss.”

Barriss then pulled them both up and gave Luminara the last hug the Jedi Master would ever receive from her Padawan.

“I love you too... May the Force be with you Master.”

#luminara unduli #barriss offee #barrisoka #star wars fanfiction #my work

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high-warlock-of-brooklyn · 3 years

Text

This is one of the previous anons who sent another ask, but since it canbe triggering, I’m putting it under the cut

TW Depression, mental health problems

Every word you said is true, every suggestion you gave is the one I should be working on.

But *deep sigh*, I can't talk with my family , they are already fighting their own fights, already are more than needed occupied with things, and I can't increase their issues. I know I won't be a burden to them , you are never a burden to your loved ones, but I still can't , I can not when I know how it will go and how they would react and everything. They love me so much that thy would be more stressed than me. Also ,I am very very very bad at expressing myself even to my closest ones. There are things that no matter how much I try, the words never come out. Idk what force pulls me but it always win.

Actually tbh,i never really try , cuz the reason I am like this is because of things that happened in the years I lived till now( I am 20) , I never knew that events that heppened had affected me until last to last year. I thought and thought and thought , and then when I connected the dots I could see how it all started and still continues. I can never talk about it with family though they were part of it,they were there all along , they went through same, but no never. The events that occured in my childhood were not normal, they were a bit messed up. I went a lot of mental stress . There are events from my childhood that I remember like they happened yesterday. Tho i dont remember how I felt but the pictures are enough to know that that whats shaped me and made me who I am today. They are the reasons I am reserved, bad at expressing emotions, insecure, and much more i don't know about.

But what I hate the most is that now whenever something small happens it makes me sad as hell. And whenever I am sad and someone comes to me, I feel a smile forming on my face. Now my body automatically does things to hide everything. And I have become so good at all these that I sometimes doubt that is this even real what I feel or am I just faking it.

Trust me I know , i need professional help but I can't. I am fine dealing with my mental stress alone. The only time I find hard to gather myself up is when I am crying. It is so hard to cry without making sound.

I know things are bottling up and it may end up bad but I will fight , I have to fight on my own .Though I won't win , and I won't ever give up.

Whatever I told you it is in the best way possible and there is much more than this. There are some things I am yet to accept . It is messed.

I know you want to help and I really appreciate it from bottom of my heart.

Thank you listening to everything. Thank you so much.

Hi Anon.

First of all, the whole thing about ‘you are never a burden to your loved ones’ is very misleading despite the intentions of the statement. No-one is free of burden. In truth, we should say ‘you are worth the work, because you are loved and cared for’.

You are right, your family has their own responsibilities and they are fighting their own fights. But you should know, that you are part of that fight too. You’re helping them every day in those fights, and it’s very important to know that no one fights alone. They don’t, because they have you to help them. It’s only fair that you have support in your fights too. It doesn’t make it problematic, it doesn’t make it a problem, it just makes it a fact of any relationship, familial or otherwise.

And it’s very much okay to be bad at saying what you need, and that’s why communication is so important. You don’t have to say entire essays every time you talk. Just saying that ‘I need a hug’ is better than saying nothing. Even hugging without saying anything is better than nothing.

It’s such a terrible feeling to look back at your life and see exactly how things went sideways, even though you can’t do anything about it. You’re the same age I am, and trust me when I say, it fucking sucks. And you’re right, no one has gone through the things you have. I’m autistic, and the same family events couldn’t have affected my family the same way as me, even though they went through the same thing. But that doesn’t make either of our struggles any less valid. Your hurt and pain and the shit you go through every day is valid. And I’m sorry you have to go through it.

Our trauma defines us a lot. Especially if it’s left unresolved. I hate loud utensil noises because it triggers the memories of my mom being furious with rage. It’s a very small thing to be so afraid of, or to do all the things I do to avoid it. But that doesn’t make my trauma any less valid or important. Some days all it takes is one dismissed wave of a hand for me to break down completely, but that doesn’t mean weakness. It means there are a lot of hurt and pain and issues left to fester for a long time without any relief. If you keep cranking up the pressure without letting it out, then it would find ways to escape anyway. Small things triggering you means your mind is exhausted, and needs a break.

No one can force you to seek help, all I can do is to ask you to do it. But if you choose to fight alone, then you can at least fight smart. I’ll advise reading up on your problems, it’s always better to know how things work than diving in blind. And learn to anticipate your tells, how your mind feels before you’re completely exhausted, how your body reacts to a certain trigger. Those are always helpful.

I want to give you a hug and I hope you know you are loved and appreciated, and please know you are not alone, and asking for help is okay 💙

Take off your burden on or off anon

#asks #anon asks #tw depression #tw mental health issues #tw depressive episodes #tw depressing thoughts #take off your burden on or off anon

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wrestledwiththegods · 4 years

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I see you do yandere requests and 💦 so what do you imagine the darker papas and Copia are like?

Okay. So. Without going too deep into it, in the time between me writing my original rules, and getting this ask- I had a long and meaningful conversation with a friend about yandere and how a lot of its hallmark traits resemble stereotypes of certain mental illnesses. How this has been harmful to those groups, the stigma, etc. Please know this is not me talking down about your ask or saying you cannot enjoy that content, but I've decided to not write that specific thing for my hcs.

That being said, I am still MORE than happy to write villainous or "darker" hcs that dont involve that specific "obsessive" yandere feel. If that makes sense.

Sorry I hope you still enjoy this!

Also note: most of these have multiple outcomes depending upon certain factors. Ill be tagging anything villain or "darker" as darkau so people can blacklist!

Papa Nihil is a mad king type of villain. It's his world, baby, and maximum hedonism is the goal. He may be older but that does not at all stop him from seeking pleasure even at the risk to his own health. Fucks everything that moves. Holds parties to an extravagant degree. Definitely the kind of bad guy to monologue about past exploits and deeds with the turn of his hand like they weren't horrible things to do. We all (read: other people who aren't him) have to make sacrifices for the church. When he first sees you, you seem like a fun new toy, so to speak. "Cute" is the first word to come to mind.

Likely he first tries to buy your affections. A wolfish smile on his face as he asks if you want a taste of the good life. You two could have some fun. Yet even if you say yes, he soon finds its not enough. Why? He asks himself with a frown. He tries harder, takes more of your time if you let him. You get pulled away from work to have meals with him. He actually asks personal questions about *you* that normally he wouldn't give a shit about in a plaything. But you're not just one of those silly siblings of sin he plays around with.

He hasn't felt this way in a very long time. Its the most serious he's felt in a long time. He still wants to fuck around and basically be his worst self, mind you. But he wants you to be at the top with him. You two can burn brightly together, taking in the best of what his awful actions have bought you. This is if you say yes. If you say no… he smiles. No hard feelings! You'll never be forced to do anything you don't want. It's like he turned off his personality at the drop of a hat. You'll still get gifts after that. Feel his eyes on you around the church. The parties get louder, his screwing around more apparent when you walk in a room. Still, you'll feel his focus on you and nothing else. Almost like he's anticipating for you to change your mind. He'll be waiting.

Papa I - Papa I has always been assumed to be the least threatening of the Emeritus family. He likes to garden, kept to himself after getting off stage. Much of his real "work" is private, you see. Whether it's preparing a poor lost lamb for a ritual after they had betrayed the church for some personal gain. Or slowly and intricately cutting into their skin sigils for the Morningstar. Hes even been known as the best if you need a torturer (although thankfully it is rarer in these days).

You probably take his notice when you express interest in one of his many poisonous plants- lily of the valley. Only if ingested, he tells you. But if you think those are beautiful, he has a lot more he can show you- his private collection.

Its shortly after that you find your duties reassigned to his office. Its out of nowhere, but definitely a step up. The way he phrases it to you is that he needs more help with the garden as one of his previous assistants needed a change of pace. And from what he's heard of you plus your interest, you seem perfect for the job! Really, he just craves to be beside you. Listen to you chatter as you both work the soil, see the sweat roll down your neck on hot days-

The difference between Papa I and everyone else on the list here is that he probably won't make a grand move or gesture. He pines. Hopes that you'll see his feelings and his darkness and love all of it. But deep down he knows how unlikely that is. That one day he'll show you the beauty of ritual hands on. See the blood glisten oh-so-beautifully on your skin. He still sighs happily thinking on it.

If you never express feelings for him, he basically devotes himself to making your life better, in his perspective. Changes your work schedule so its timed well for you to get a good night's rest. Looks out for things you might *need.* If there is anything you want to learn, he's more than happy to show you himself or help you get the resources you need. When it might get bad is when someone expresses interest in you, or you to someone. Ah… well. They're just not good enough for you. Not in his mind. He'll tell you rumors he's heard. Talk to them directly to get them to back off. He has an entire checklist in his mind that they have to meet. Pretty much no one will.

If someone does (its possible but unlikely), however, he feels his heart break. He still pines. And longs. But he lets you go to that person. After all, no matter what horrible things hes done, he wants you to be happy. His heartache is worth that.

Papa II- Papa II as a villain is actually a lot closer to the steteotypes and rumors about him normally- ruthless, cold, and seemingly doesn't care about others. He has this anger deep in his core that is never fully expressed. Truly, he is a sadist in that he usually enjoys the pain of others at his hands. Likes helping out on those rare occasions torture is a thing with Papa I in the lower underground sections of the church. Always seems like hes looking for someone to punish, and usually in a very unpleasant way. Yes, this has extended to death if he deems the "crime" severe enough. The sadism extends into the bedroom for harsh "games"- however he's not a monster when it comes to sexual partners. Still gives them aftercare, even if its a tad on the unfeeling side and more out of obligation.

It probably wasn't just one thing that put you in his sights. He noticed you one day probably doing something kind and kept running into you. He likes picturing your heart racing when you see him, like prey in the face of danger. Over time he starts developing a fondess that he can't quite deny. It's strange. Its been so long since he's genuinely felt this way about anyone, he doesn't know how to react at first. So he pulls out some stops. You get letters, at first, delivered by a ghoul. Later they come with expensive gifts he thinks you'll look good in or enjoy. You should wear it. It pleases him so much to see wear something he got you. Its sort of a subtle claim in his mind. He does expect replies delivered to a certain ghoul or place. Eventually the ghoul comes and there isn't a letter. You're being summoned.

He asks you straightforward to be his prime mover. He's honest in his intentions that he wants you exclusive only to him. He would give you the same if you asked. In fact, he would give you almost anything if you asked. At first this might all seem business but you might notice the slight flush in his cheeks, the unusual hesitation in his voice- little tells. Also the fact he's never asked anyone to be his prime mover, as far as you know. If you say yes, you find he's more gentle when its just the two of you. He has this warm smile in bed you'll catch. He kisses your forehead softly and its this aching tenderness. When others are around, no one would ever know.

If you say no, you are dismissed and he thanks you for your time. Its as if you don't exist to him after that. He just… walks past you like a ghost. Won't acknowledge you if you were to say anything, though I certainly wouldn't. Basically the walls he let down for a brief moment are back up and reinforced. It hurts to see you around, but hes stronger than that. There are things to do in the church. He'll take out these feelings on someone else.

Papa III- As a villain, Papa III is a siren. He's beautiful, says all the right things and pulls lost souls down to the depths with him. On a quick glance, he just seems like someone very devout to the principles of the church and/or hedonistic party guy. His favorite thing to do is lure new people to the church, have them do horrible things and then offer shelter from the other world who will no longer accept them. All with a cute wink or a few silver laced words. This applies to his relationships. He moves fast and likes whoever is interesting at the time- platonic, romantic, alliances. If he decides you're not fun anymore, you get a kick to the curb if the former. The latter usually just ends up to some horrible fate. He thrives on people wanting him so badly they would do anything.

Which is why you as a concept is frustrating. Likely he's already picked you up as someone to have around as a casual fuck or in his "entourage", so to speak. He doesn't fuck around when he wants someone. But you've lasted so long, held his interest. There's a shitty little mercurial part of him that keeps denying what should be obvious. Some days he thinks he'll get rid of you in the morning. Other days he thinks how he can't live without you. He probably has his epiphany when someone else suggests it might be time for you to go. His reaction is filled with anger and aggression. The person seemingly disappeared the next day.

Suddenly he'll be a lot more affectionate. Act like you're his partner in how he conducts himself instead of a follower. All his other sex partners are dumped but not replaced. He asks you be exclusive and practically fucks you to oblivion when you agree. He took after his father in the wolfish smile department. That's what you get from him if you start questioning any of this. Why wouldn't he? You're his favorite. He loves you. The truth of the matter is, even if you didn't love him back, as long as you don't betray him- it stays like this. He adores you and wants you at his side.

If you had answered no to any of it in the first place, he would have gone on without a thought. Oh well!

Papa Copia- Copia is pulling all the strings. He has been for quite a long time. That's why he's papa now, no? Everything and everyone is bent to his will, at least for now until they need another reminder. He's had others killed or just plain framed to get them out of his way. But through it all, the shy and incredibly awkward mannerisms he exaggerated to put peoples guards down, were the most real around you. In gatherings in the church he'd find himself staring, quiet and calculating. He'd slip into fancies about what it would be like to have you romantically. Something about you makes him feel… like an ordinary man. The vulnerability made his heart race and dangle over an imaginary precipice.

Once the new Papacy is official, he comes to you, privately. No, you're not in trouble, he smiles and gives a nervous laugh. He has a proposal. He wants you to be his prime mover. His jewel above all others. If you accept, you'll be treated like royalty in the church. Hanging on his arm at events where no one would dare to touch you or speak ill of you. Sometimes when you're alone he just likes to hold you. Out of all the terrible, rotten things on this earth, you're actually his. Once he realizes he can trust you, he tends to have more vulnerable moments. Things he's probably never told anyone. No matter how stained his hands, he will make sure you are never hurt.

However, you're free to tell him no- He'll be shocked, perhaps try to charm his way. If you still say no, he leaves to think on it. As much as it pains him, if he cannot have you, he would rather not see you at all. He's not going to kill you or hurt you though, no- you might think so for a moment when you're pulled into his office with Imperator behind him. Instead he tells you with some regret that you are to be transferred to another church. He'll miss you, as will the members of the main church of course. But you're needed elsewhere. That's it. As if it was just routine. The next week you leave and he watches you from a window, something in his chest aching. You are his soft spot. And he can't risk having that exposed if he can't have you.

#darkau #ghost hcs #papa nihil #papa i #papa ii #papa iii #papa copia #copia #sooooo i misread until i got done with half of them and added a romantic element WHOOPS #ghost hc #ghost 18+

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