#i cant mess up my mental state before something so important | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blues824 · 2 years

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hiii hii !! I hope you’re doing great and taking care of yourself! I actually wasnt sure if requests were open but if by chance they are, could I request all the brothers from obey me and their reaction to a shinobu!reader?? It made upset seeing mc being killed in lesson 16 but imagine before belphie could even lay a finger on them, he suddenly cant move because of the poison mc sneaked in

thank you so much and im super sorry if requests arent open ^^”

This is an awesome idea! Thank you for your request!

Lucifer

He’s taken aback by your friendly and cheerful personality. Until he finds out it’s a facade when you start teasing Mammon with a cheerful tone. Nice one, Y/N. You tend to mislead others by your little trick and tend to go in for the kill when they’re at their weakest.

However, when the events of Lesson 16 occur, your true colors show. Your intense hatred for demons of any kind comes through. Before Belphie could even lay a finger on you, you used your sword before he had any chance to register. After you slashed and paralyzed him, you told Lucifer that you specialize in poisons and antidotes and when Belphegor calms down, you would gladly give him the antidote.

He notices that your hatred goes so far that you are always in a constant state of anger and pain. You went to a Devildom therapist to talk about it and possibly try and help your mental state. You told them that you lost your sister, your parents, your students, and the families of the employees of the manor. Of course, since you are an exchange student, the most important pieces of this info go to Lord Diavolo, who then tells Lucifer since you are staying with the brothers.

You are then forced to tell Lucifer all about what you were like when you were younger. He loves hearing the stories, especially with how soft and airy your voice is. Your temper seems to be through the roof when someone makes you get to that point of irritation, though. More times than one, Lucifer has had to pick you up and carry you out of the room so you would have a chance to calm down.

Now, for your Demon Slaying abilities, Lucifer stands intrigued. Your sword seems to act as a stinger and inject poison into your opponent. He will definitely ask you a few questions here and there. You explain that you makeup for your lack in physical strength by putting some type of lethal poison on your blade to kill a demon.

Mammon

Mans was completely fooled by your sweet and kind demeanor. He wouldn’t suspect anything was going on because he’s kinda dumb. He will find out after you literally pick on him for messing up on something supposedly easy to do.

When the events of Lesson 16 occur, Mammon sees who you truly are. He sees that you show no hesitation when it comes to defeating demons. Of course, you didn’t kill Belphie, you left him paralyzed with the poison you selected.

From then on, he notices the slight strain on your everyday smile. You will poke at and tease him to have a bit of an outlet of your anger. After you get further into your relationship, you tell him all the pain you went through to get to where you are today. You tell him that you’re always so angry, and it’s not very healthy for you.

When you tell him of all the pain and suffering you went through and how you bottled it all up with a smile, he hugs you. He’s glad you told him, because now he can help. As rude as he can be, he will be genuinely kind to you and you alone.

As for your demon slaying abilities, Mammon first wanted to make a profit off of them. Then you held your blade at his neck with an intimidating smile on your face and politely said no. He had never been so scared of you before. But he is impressed by your outstanding abilities.

Leviathan

You remind him of the insect hashira from the anime ‘Help! Rip-off Michael Jackson turned my sister into a demon and now I’m trying to find a cure for her!’ You even look like the character! You act the exact same, so he can predict what’s going to happen.

Nothing could prepare him for the events of Lesson 16, though. One second, he saw Belphie go for your neck, the next he saw you with your sword out and Belphie was on the ground paralyzed. You told everyone in the room that the next time something like this occurs, they will wish that they were only paralyzed.

He already knows about your hidden rage. He will become a tad more understanding whenever you tease him because his brothers tend to do it whenever they are upset. After you get far enough into your relationship, you tell him about all the excruciating pain you went through. He can tell you’re always so angry, so he suggests video games as an outlet.

He will hold you in his arms while whispering to you about how proud he is of you and how much he loves you. It will be one of the few times where he puts his insecurities aside and focuses on someone else. He knows that right now you need him, and he will do his best.

As for your demon slaying abilities, he’s not jealous. I mean this seriously. He will definitely record your training because he finds it so cool. He will edit a photo so that the background is blurred and will put it as his lock and home screens.

Satan

He knew there was more to your story than you let on. However, he had trouble piecing together what it could be. You were good, Y/N. However, it was his move to get you into an impossible checkmate. He noticed how your mood always slightly wavered when something upset you.

When the events of Lesson 16 burst in like the FBI, he was able to catch a glimpse of all the pent up rage and anger. He could always sense it, being the Avatar of Wrath and all, but he never got a sense of how much. Even he has never been so angry. You leave his youngest brother paralyzed and you have your sword out… you also have an eerily calm expression on your face.

Once he gets a sense of how deep your frustration and anger is, he tries to give you different options as an outlet. Often, he will read you into a peaceful sleep as a way to calm you down. When you tell him about all the pain you went through, he will also be angry. Angry that someone as sweet as you had to go through so much character development.

He will, like I said, read you to sleep. You will lay your head in his lap as he reads in a soft voice and runs his fingers softly across the back of your neck. There will be times where he uses magic to recreate a mini version of the story.

As for your demon slaying capabilities, he stands very impressed. He never knew humans could do something like that. The more you know. He will definitely bring his hobby of photography along and take pictures of your training. He will most definitely save them as progress pictures.

Asmodeus

He loves your style! The haori and the inspiration from butterflies! It’s so elegant in such a cute way! He will definitely create his own haori to match you. That aside, he is completely oblivious to what lies underneath that happy and cheerful mask.

When the events of Lesson 16 play out, Asmo couldn’t believe you were capable of something like this. One second, Belphie was lunging out towards you, the next, you had your sword out and Belphegor was paralyzed. Asmo could only stare in absolute shock.

When he gets a sense of all the rage you hide within you, he will suggest spa days to try and calm you down. He will give you soft shoulder massages to relieve all the tension from the day. He will put Lo-Fi on in the background to set a relaxing atmosphere.

When you tell him about all the pain and suffering you had to go through, he’s not too surprised. Everyone has dark secrets. However, he will not allow you to blame yourself for anything. He will hold you in his arms until you feel better (although he might not let you go even when that happens).

As for your demon slayer abilities, he finds them so awesome. You look so graceful while training and he can’t help but take a few pictures of you for Devilgram. He would totally make matching workout outfits and he will be doing a few workouts with you. He hates sweating, but he likes the long-lasting effects.

Beelzebub

Mans is oblivious to the true beast that lies within you. You are a very good actor, with a great fake smile, and he’s kind of naive. He often teases his brothers too, so he might join you every now and then. He has no idea that you take your anger out on those close to you.

When the events of Lesson 16 unravel themselves, he’s torn. He loves you, but he loves Belphie too. As his twin lunged at you, you took your blade and slashed at him. And then he couldn’t move. Beel didn’t know how he should feel at this moment.

When you calmly tell everyone in the room that if something like this should happen again you’d dip your blade in a more lethal poison, he finally sees all that you hide. He gets a sense of all the anger you keep hidden away from everyone. It’s not healthy to bottle it up, Y/N! :(

When you tell him about all the pain and suffering you went through in your life, he will hold you closer. He will whisper sweet nothings into your ear whenever you wake up from a nightmare to get you back to sleep. He knows what it’s like to lose someone close to you, he used to have nightmares as well.

As for your demon slaying abilities, consider Beelzebub your new training partner. He sees that your training uses exercises that work out muscles that he’s never considered before. Plus, he sees how graceful you look when training and hopes he could do something like that.

Belphegor

He knows that you are hiding pure hatred behind your smile. He did the same thing to you, after all. You are essentially the same. He tricks you by reading you like an open book. He will let you rant on and on and you will help him escape.

When Lesson 16 occurs, he feels betrayed because you betrayed him after he betrayed you. Like, you weren’t supposed to do that. You paralyzed him with your sword so fast he never stood a chance. Then you whisper that you knew he was going to betray you at some point in such a chilling way.

After all of this is ‘resolved’ (we never forgot, Belphegor), you both kind of just trauma dump. You tell each other the pain you both have gone through. The loss of his sister and falling from Heaven. Your sister dying at the hands of a demon and the loss of all your friends’ families.

You two can often be caught wrapped up with each other in a peaceful nap. Each of the brothers have at least 17 pictures because it was too cute to pass up the opportunity. He will hold you close and use his powers if you have a nightmare. He knows how your past can haunt you.

As for your demon slaying abilities, he stands impressed. When he finds out the extent of your capability aside from paralyzing him, he will be intrigued. He won’t participate in your training, but good for you, Y/N.

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nothorses · 3 years

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hi so im a mostly closeted genderqueer trans boy in high school (i’m a junior) and i have something of a dilemma going into the new school year. last year was distanced and i spent most of it as my deadname, which is what i’ve always been in school, but i had a mental health evaluation thing when i had an extreme break down and ended up coming out to the school psychologist and she kind of hooked me up by sending an email to all my teachers basically saying “the student on your rosters as [deadname] will be attending classes as [chosen name], thank you for respecting his identity” which was truly great (before that i was attending as my first initial since i kept that the same, but some people knew my old name and addressed me by it since they assumed i still used it). the thing is all that i did in being ~out at school is that my name on zoom was my own name! i didn’t talk out loud if i could help it, and since not many people really knew me at school to begin with there weren’t really a lot of people who knew i was actually trans, and i guess that means i was pretty much stealth. but considering that i cant get on testosterone or start binding until i move out from living with my transphobic parents (which won’t be two years) and school is going back in person, i cant exactly keep passing as a nondescript name on a screen who in my classmates eyes probably is a cis guy, i’ll be myself and my actual self isn’t someone who anyone looks at and thinks of as anything but a girl. so. i guess just.... going into this school year i have to either go back into my shell and be closeted and deadnamed again, or be out to other kids for real. one of my only ~friends is a stated trans ally but also pretty weird about it (she’ll say things like “i think “he” used to be a “she”” and things like that) and im really nervous about coming out to her, and even if my friends were fine, it’s still just kind of scary being one of the only out trans kids at the school and im worried about the automatic spotlight it kind of puts on me as opposed to being a nondescript no one. so i guess just... advice for coming out? or do you think it would be worth it to stay in the closet? would love your advice.

Hey! Sorry it took me so long to get around to this, I've been a little swamped these last few months.

I think in the end, whether you come out is something you need to decide for yourself. I can give you a few questions to ask yourself, though:

Do you feel safe coming out?

What are the realistic possible outcomes of coming out? (Or: what's the best case scenario, the worst case scenario, and the most likely scenario?)

What will it feel like if you don't come out? What will be the mental health impact of not coming out, and can you realistically bear that? (And conversely: what will be the mental health impact of coming out, and will it be worth it?)

Do you have support systems you can go to in either scenario? Who are they?

What will coming out "look like" in this situation? Who are you coming out to, and who are you keeping it from, if anyone? Can you realistically maintain boundaries between the people you're out to and the people you aren't?

If not now, when?

In terms of "how", I tend to recommend the same general formula:

Decide who you're coming out to: think about when you plan on coming out to which groups of people in your life (friends, family, work/school/etc.), whether/how you can maintain lines between those groups, and who you will need to tell first in order to both prevent any offense, and ensure your own safety and support networks. Think about the advantages of coming out in group settings vs. in private, depending on the people involved.

Decide the "medium": are you coming out in person, over text/email/call, in a group post, or individually? Again, think about who will "need" certain things (old-fashioned grandparents might take offense to emails over in-person conversations, for example) and weigh that against what you need, and what will feel safest for you.

Draft a script: prepare you words (or bullet list some points) and spend some time thinking about what you want to cover, how you want to come off, etc.

Say the words: don't dance around the topic and try to convey things through implications. Be clear and concise about the language you are using, and want to be used for you.

Know (and say) your intent: why are you telling them this? Why now? Think about the things you want to change, the support you want/need from them, and make sure they know those things. Don't leave room for them to dismiss your identity as unimportant. You can use this as an opportunity to persuade them to support you, too ("I just care about you so much and want you to be involved in this very important part of my life <3").

Give them space to process: let them know you understand if they don't get it right away, that you know it's a learning process, etc. Give them room to think and feel what they need to think and feel, ideally without you there to bear the brunt of it. (I also usually tell people I don't mind if they mess name/pronouns/etc. up as long as I know they're trying; I do care, but it's the easiest way to avoid having to comfort them about screw-ups, and it avoid arguments and ill will.)

Provide resources: don't let them go looking for information on your identity that will lead them down TERFy or transphobic rabbitholes. Have some relevant 101 materials locked and loaded, and provide them in whatever way makes sense for the context (then or later on).

I hope that's helpful! Best of luck, anon; I know this is a scary thing to go through, but you're not alone here. I hope you make the best choice for you and your mental health, and I hope it goes well either way. 💙

#advice #coming out

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obsessive-ego · 3 years

Text

Beetlejuice cant tie a tie

I got a little off topic, but we get to it eventually

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Nsft mentions and bonus

A day off like any other, your phone buzzes to life at 11am, you groan at the sound, but you cant sleep all day, even though you really want to. As you shift to turn off your phone, you feel the familiar dead weight, you huff.

"Beetlejuice"

Ever since you let the ghoul into your home he has made it a habbit to sneak into your bed with you, at first he would leave before you woke, but now? He just makes himself at home, claiming that your bed is so comfy and warm, and way more lovely then the couch, honestly you didnt mind, his pajamas were clean, and he kept his hands relatively to himself, and lets be real even if you protested he'd still do it, just something you got used to over time, and enjoyed, as much as you wouldnt admit it, sleeping with another person did help you sleep at night, but you weren't exactly ready to open that can of worms.

You nudge the demon

"Beetlejuice let go"

The ghoul had you trapped in his arms, wrapped tightly around your waist, as his face was buried in your hair, his legs tangled with yours, the demon was spooning.

You squirm again, this time a tad more aggressive.

"Keep wiggling like that sugar and you'll give me a boner" he groans, more mockingly then anything else.

"Let go so I can turn off my alarm and start my day" you huff

Beetlejuice tightens his grip around your waist.

"No can do sweets"

"Beej please, I need to be an adult today"

"Oh babes, you can EASILY be an adult in bed~ but fine, if you must" be dramatically let's you go fawning hurt, you simply roll your eyes as you take your new freedom and leave the bed to reach your beeping phone on the table across the room.

Following your example, beetlejuice gets up too, and with a simple snap of his fingers his black and white pajamas were replaced with his trademark suit, the ghoul straightens him self out, adjusting the jacket and tie as if he had somewhere important to be.

You couldnt help but feel a tad jealous at that, to be able to get ready for the day in a second, something like that could shave a good amount of time off your mornings before work routine.

You usher the demon out of your room stating you needed to get dressed, though he did plead to stay and help, as always, you only replyed that youd take a rain check.

Reemerging from your room, dressed and ready to enjoy your day off, you head to the kitchen to make some coffee, your morning routine was simple, normally beetlejuice would chit chat with you as you made breakfast for the two of you, but it was strangely quiet, you havent seen the ghoul since you ushered him out of your bedroom, normally this ment he was hiding and getting ready to scare you, a regular occurrence.

Now something as simple as making toast and coffee now had you filled with anxiety, why did he always do this? You know why, he thinks it's funny. Your anxiety was short lived when a little note flutters down from the ceiling in front if your face, instinctively you grab it

'Babes, off scaring, saw you got new neighbors, be back soon~ xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo'

You sigh in relief knowing that bastard wasnt gonna mess with you today, yet you couldnt help but smile at all the xs and os, corny, but that was him wasnt it.

Like any other day off you try to catch up on house hold chores, and with beetlejuice out and about you can actually get stuff done, nothing against the ghoul, hell you loved having him around, it was just hard to be productive with someone so chaotic under foot.

...

Your day off went by pretty productive, you here you were, enjoying the peace and quiet, with a cup of hot tea and a book you've been meaning to read.

"HONEY I'M HOME"

Beetlejuice appears from literally nowhere in the center of the room you were currently residing.

you nearly jump out of your skin at the sudden outburst, no matter how many times the ghoul burst into your home that way, it always startled you.

You regain yourself, and with a small laugh you sigh "welcome home B"

The tips of the demon's hair turn a soft pink, something as soft as 'welcome home' from your lips sent him, how lame, a big bad demon from hell, getting all warm and soft from just a little breathers kindness, yet, he wouldnt want it any other way.

The ghoul is quick to slide next to you on the couch "ya miss me toots?~" he cooed leaning in and making an exaggerated kissing face, you snorted out a laugh and gave him a shove.

"Knock it off B, and yes I missed you, but I was more productive without you, so~" you laugh

"OH Y/N you are so mean, you would rather me be away so you can do boring breather stuff, then have fun with the sexiest dead guy you know? How cruel" the ghoul pretends to be hurt.

You laugh again "Beetlejuice, you're the ONLY dead guy I know-"

"Therefore the sexiest" he countered giving you a wide toothy grin

"You got me there I guess" you laugh and give beetlejuice a shrug.

As the laughter dies down you notice how roughed up your friend really was, more so then usual, more dirty, shirt slightly untucked, new holes in his jacket and pants, his tie undone, loosely hanging around his neck. Yes the ghoul was messy, but it looks like he lost a fight, and hell with his powers he could clean up in a second, maybe he hasnt noticed?

"Beej? What were you up to today?" You ask shyly, you didnt exactly like to butt into what the demon did in his spare time, mostly because if he wanted to share it with you he did it with gusto.

Beetlejuice freezes for a second, the shrugs

"The usual, messing with your neighbors, why?"

You gesture to his messed up clothes

"OH, yeah, new guy down the hall fought back, you should have seen it babes-"

You sigh, not that you needed too, but you worried about beetlejuice, what if he got into a jam he couldnt get out of.

"What's up sugar?"

You flinch, beetlejuice must have caught in to your expression.

"Do you need a hand straightening up?" You mentally slap yourself at that suggestion, he can magic himself back together why would he need your help?

Glancing back up to the demon's face you swallow hard, plaster across his mug was a love sick dopey grin, his most and beard now sprouted pink patches.

"Please~" he purred, a word you rarely herd from the ghost.

You nod, slowly you start with the tie, grabbing on to the two pieces, you swear you saw the demon flinch, slowly but surely, you tie a simple tie, years of doing it for yourself for forced formal occasions, guess the info stuck.

You gently strengthen the knot, paying more attention to what you were doing, rather then who you were doing it for, if you were paying attention to beetlejuice you would have saw his wide eyes staring so intently on you, both hair and scruff completely pink, a soft smile plastered across his face.

"You know babycakes I would just LOVE to have you yank on my tie more often~" he purred

You flinch at the comment, being brought to reality by that delightful gravely voice of his, you stutter out a soft noise, unsure how to respond in your frazzled embarrassed state.

The demon continues "have ya drag me around, mmmhmmm, have my sweet little breather in charge"

You unable to think of a response, just sit in front of the demon, hands still gripping his tie, staring back at his face.

"I have to say I've thought of it often"

You DID yank the ghoul by the tie alot, to make a point and or get him to your level, him being taller then you.

"My little y/n riding me, using my tie as a leash, you being fully naked, while I'd be full clothed, sounds like fun maybe we should- urk"

That was a step too far for you, as hot as the idea way, it was till too much and too embarrassing, with a quick movement of your hand you tighten the ties knot around the ghoul's throat, as if to strangle him, not that he needed to breath, it did shut him up though.

"Harder baby" he croaked

At least you thought itd shut him up.

You let go of the tie and get off the couch, taking a step back.

Beetlejuice laughs, his soft pink hue shifting back to his default green.

"Oh sugar we done already? Not only are you kinky, you're also quick to finish" he snorts out a loud laugh.

"Cant we have one nice moment?"

"No"

You sigh, little frustrated with the ghoul's ability to ruin just about any moment, as if the ghoul sensed your mood, he was quick to jump to his feet and pull you into a side hug, you huff, still being a tad annoyed with him.

"Alright sugar, ya twisted my arm, not more dirty stuff tonight, I appreciate your help with the tie, how bout I return the favor?"

You quirk a brow, return the favour without saying something dirty? You didnt think the demon COULD do such a thing.

"Heres what I'm thinking doll, me, you, and the new neighbor down the hall, I'm gonna show you how I got messed up to start with, and play your cards right babes and I'll let ya tie me up again~" the ghoul winks at that last line, regardless of the innuendo you smile.

"Alright BJ I'm game"

The ghouls gives you a wide toothy grin

"Its showtime".

Nsft bonus

Later that night when you were dead asleep beetlejuice couldnt help but dream of you sitting on him wearing nothing but a coy smile as you rode him, he being fully dressed with his cock freed from it prison and being buried in your warmth.

You bounced up and down, yanking his tie, half for balance half cuz of the sound he made.

With a delightful dream like that, the ghoul did not last very long,

#beetlejuice x reader #muscial beetlejuice x reader #rambling

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backtobackbakubabe · 4 years

Text

I’m Gonna Make This Place Your Home

Bakugo X Reader

Runaway reader finds a home with Bakugo. But will trouble follow?

Warnings * This one is a little heavier than stuff I have written in the past. Kidnapping and mentions of abuse.

Words: 3676

*****************************************************************************************************

This was the third night in a row he had woken up in a cold sweat. This had been happening periodically for months but it had been happening more frequently lately. It was the same dream over and over again. It would always start as a normal dream but before he knew it, there was a girl maybe a year or two younger than he was. She was always dressed in the same shitty dress. Her hair wild and tangled. But nothing was more haunting than her eyes. They were so sad and scared. She was always reaching out to him, her lips moving but no noise coming out. He desperately wanted to know what she was saying, but he never got the chance. He’d always wake up panting and angry.

It didn't matter what time it was he always got up after that and went for a run. There was no going back to sleep after that. Those eyes were burned into his brain. Every time he closed his eyes he could see that scared look, and it crushed him.

He didn't even know this girl. At least he didn’t think he did. He read somewhere that your brain can’t invent new people so all the people in your dreams where people you had seen before.

Was she someone he had saved in the past. No he would have remembered her, he could tell she was pretty even if she was underfed and covered in dirt. Was she someone he saw in a movie or on TV? That had to be it. The only problem was he had been so busy with hero work he hadn't had the time to relax and watch anything in months. He was in his first year as a Pro Hero and he was working relentlessly to make sure everyone knew his name.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and took a look at the clock. 4 am. Fuck he had only been asleep for a little over two hours. He rubbed his temples. He had to report to work in six hours. Maybe he should just go in early. If he’s going to be awake he might as well get paid for it.

He sluggishly got dressed and drained the rest of his coffee. Thank god today was supposed to be a short day anyways. He didn't know if he could make it through another 24 hour shift.

The ding of the elevator sounded louder than usual, and in his exhausted grumpy state he took it very personally. As if the elevator knew he was tired and wanted to taunt him.

He walked over to his desk and threw his bag that held his costume onto it before slumping into his chair.

“Wow. dont take this wrong way. But you kind of look like shit.” He looked over to the cheery as hell red head that he usually would consider his best friend, “How the hell am I not supposed to take that the wrong way?”

Kirishima rubbed the back of his neck, “I mean you just look tired is all. Speaking of which shouldn't you be asleep right now? Your shift doesn't start until 10. I know you’re punctual and all but four hours early seems a bit extreme.”

He leaned back in his chair attempting to rub the exhaustion from his eyes, “I’m fine. I have paperwork to catch up on before my shift starts anyways.”

Kirishima gave him a concerned look, “You hate paperwork man. What’s really going on?”

He debated for a few seconds if he should say anything, but then decided it might help to actually to talk about it with someone. “I’ve been having these weird dreams... Theres always this girl-”

“A girl! ooooh is she pretty?”

He gave the red head an annoyed look.

“Oh right not important. Continue. Sorry.”

He rolled his eyes, “Yes she is pretty. Anyways. She keeps popping into my dreams. It looks like she needs help but I can never hear her. She’s dirty and way too skinny and I dont know.. Its just messing with my head.”

Kirishima seemed to ponder on that for a bit, “Do you recognize the girl? Like is she someone you know?”

Bakugo sighed, “No, at least I dont think I do.”

Kirishima nodded, “What is she doing in these dreams?”

“I dont know. I guess she’s reaching out to me. At least that’s what it looks like.”

Kirishima brought his hand up tp his chin as if he was Sherlock Holmes solving a case, “Why dont you take her hand then? If she’s reaching out to you, it must mean she wants you to right?”

Bakugo threw his hands up in defeat, “I dont fucking know! Even if I wanted to it’s not like I have complete control over my dreams. I’m asleep for fucks sake.”

Kirishima rolled his eyes, “Alright grumpy gills. I think you need a nap. And this time if any girls happen to stroll through your dreams at least try to hold their hand and see where that gets you. Alright? I’ll handle your paperwork and come wake you up when it’s time for your shift.”

He wanted to argue but even after 3 cups of coffee he was utterly exhausted. He couldn't work like this. Kirishima was right. He needed a nap.

He curled up on one of the couches in the break room and fell asleep almost instantly. His dreams started out normal enough. Nothing odd in any way and then out of no where. There she was. Reaching out to him. Her eyes terrified, a silent scream on her lips.

He was supposed to do something. What was it? Oh yeah. He slowly reached his hand out to hers. It seemed to go so slowly as if he was moving through molasses. His muscles hurt from the effort of forcing his arm up to meet hers.

Finally his fingers brushed against hers... and he heard it.

Her voice rang out loud and clear. “Help me Ground Zero! Please!”

He gripped her hand tighter, “Who are you? What do you want?”

The girl started to cry, “No time for that now. They’re onto me! Where are you?”

Bakugo flinched, “I’m at work at All Mights new agency.”

She nodded her head in understanding and for the first time ever she left before he woke up.

Next thing he knew he was being shook awake, “Come on man time to get up! Tell your dream girl you’ll call her back later.”

He shot straight up, “I did it...”

“That’s great..... what did you do?”

Bakugo stood up his body coursing with adrenaline, “I touched her hand... and I heard her! She asked me for help and asked me where I was.”

Kirishima looked at him like he had lost it, “Alright crazy pants enough of that. You know its a dream right? As in it’s not real. This is real, we are real, and you’re really about to be late if you dont hurry up and get changed.”

Bakugo spent the rest of his shift on high alert. He looked around every corner to see if you were there. You were real. He doesn't now how, but he knows that to be true. He knew he couldn't say that out loud without sounding like a escaped mental patient but his heart kept telling him you needed him.

Your voice played on an endless loop through his head. It drowned out everything else including Kirishima's annoying consistent ramble.

The day flew by faster than usual which Bakugo was extremely grateful for. He was practically running out the door with Kirishima yelling after him about meeting up for drinks later. Yeah that wasn’t happening.

He had taken all of three steps out of the building when he was being tackled. Well tackled wasnt exactly the right word, because that would imply that he fell, which he did not. Instead he lost his balance for a second before turning to see the source.

It was her. It was you.

“Shit shit shit. You’re real. I knew it! What are you doing here? Who are you?”

You looked up at him with desperate eyes, “Get me out of here. They’re after me! I promise I’ll tell you everything just please get me somewhere safe.”

He looked around to see if anyone was watching, but no one was around. He grabbed your hand and started walking towards his apartment, “I only live a few bocks from here. Think you can make it that far?”

You nodded. If only he knew how far you had already come to find him.

Soon enough you were being dragged through the door to his apartment. He lead you to the kitchen table and immediately began to pace back and forth in front of you. He suddenly stopped and looked at you, his eyes boring into yours. “Alright are you going to tell me who the fuck you are and what the fuck is going on?”

You flinched a bit at his angry voice but quickly reminded yourself that he was good, he wouldnt hurt you. You composed yourself the best you could under the circumstances, “My name is Y/n. I was kidnapped as a child by a group of villains. They have been using my quirk to their advantage for years. I finally managed to get out and come find you.”

He pulled a chair up so he could sit and face you, “Okay but why me? Out of all the people in the world why me? How were you in my head?”

You looked down into your lap where your fingers were gripping the hem of your dirty dress, “My quirk allows me to enter people dreams. I'm a dream walker. But it cant be just anyone. I have to have seen their face and I have to know their name. I was a child when they took me. I didn't know any better. I thought they were my family. It wasnt until I got older that I realized how wrong what they were doing was. They would have me enter peoples dreams to get them to confess things, gain information, plant ideas... One day I fought back and tried to reach out for help. The only problem was I didn't know anyone... everyone I knew was a villain. All the people that I had visited in dreams before wouldn't listen to me. And why should they. I betrayed them. I entered their dreams, and stole their private information. Even if they wanted to help, I had no idea where I was... there was no way for them to find me.”

He reached out and took your hand in his, “I’m so sorry that happened to you.... but you still haven't answered my question... why me?”

He may be a bit insensitive but he still had no idea who you were and he didn't want to run the risk of this being some weird twisted trap.

You wiped a tear from your dirt stained cheeks. “One night I snuck out of my room t- to try and get something to eat.... and the news was on, on the tv in the kitchen. It was an interview with you. I saw your face and I heard the name Ground Zero. That’s all I got before I was being dragged back to my room and was pumped full of so many drugs so I couldnt use my quirk.”

You were shaking now, “I dont know why and I cant explain it. But I felt a weird connection with you. Every day I repeated your name over and over again through my drugged state so I wouldn't forget it. I kept telling myself you were going to save me. Finally I was able to push through the drugged haze to reach out to you. To walk into your dream.”

Bakugo’s head was spinning, “Is that why I couldnt hear you? Because you were drugged?”

You shook your head, “No, I have to have permission to truly be in someones head, you had to touch me, to acknowledge me before I can talk to you.”

He took a deep breath, “Well I’m sorry I didn't do it sooner.... So how did you get here.”

You started messing with the hem or your dress again, “They decided to move me to a different location. Said I was being too difficult and needed to be taught a lesson. I jumped out of the back of a moving van. I didn't know where I was going but I found my way to the city and asked the first person I saw for directions.”

Bakugo was leaning towards you now, completely invested in the story, “Why didn't you go to the police?”

You sighed, “I dont know who to trust. They have moles everywhere. I cant risk showing up on a police report. They’d find me.”

He nodded for a few moments thinking it over. “Ok.... well... I have a spare bedroom you are more than welcome to use. It looks like you need some food and it smells like you need a shower. The bathroom is down the hall, do you like spicy food?”

Your eyes widened, “Does that mean you’ll let me stay?”

He huffed, “Well I’m not going to fucking kick you out to rough it on the streets! Now do you like spicy food or not?”

You shrugged as you tried to hold back the relieved tears that threatened to spill out, “I dont know. I’ve never had spicy food. I was only ever fed white rice. Sometimes if I did a good job they would add chicken.”

He gave you a sad look, “Alright so I’ll go easy with the seasoning. Take your time, relax and I’ll get you some clean clothes.”

You nodded as you walked carefully over to the bathroom he had pointed out earlier. You were almost too scared to touch anything. You didn't want to do anything that would make him change his mind.

The shower felt so good. You couldnt remember the last time you had, had a shower. It had to have been during what you called your cooperative phase. They were so nice to you then. Before you realized they were all monsters. You had a nice soft bed, your own bathroom, and so many books to read. When you fought back everything had changed.

You could see all the mud and dried blood swirling around before it went down the drain. You decided then and there that this was goodbye to your old life. If you could even call it a life. It was all going down the drain as well and you were never going back.

When you finally stepped out of the shower there was a warm looking hoodie as well a a pair of shorts and boxers sitting on the bathroom counter. The hoodie hung down to your knees and you had never felt so warm and fuzzy. You didn't know it was possible for an article of clothing to feel... safe.

You walked out into the hallway and could hear hushed voices, you panicked. Had they already found you?

“Dude I heard the shower running and you’re cooking... you definitely have a girl over! Who is it?”

“Will you shut up! She’ll hear you!”

“You DO have a girl over!”

“Will you just fucking leave already? I promise I’ll tell you about it later. Tell the director I won't be able to make it work for the next few days. I’m uh.. sick.”

“Sick huh?”

“Yeah I’m sick... sick of your shit, now leave!”

You couldnt help it you giggled. It sounded so weird but it was undeniably a giggle. You felt a weight start to slowly lift from your shoulders.

You waited until you heard the door shut before leaving the safety of the hallway and joining Ground Zero at the diner table. Your mouth started to water and you stomach rumbled, it all looked so good. You looked over to him, unsure if it would be rude to just dig in.

He froze with a spoon midway to his mouth, “What? Are you waiting for permission or something? Fuck that just eat.”

Your eyes lit up as you started to drain your bowl or soup first, immediately followed by mountain of noodles. It all tasted so good, “Thank you so much Ground Zero. This is delicious. You are an amazing cook.”

You could see him blush a bit before shoving another bite into his mouth numbing a quick, “It’s Bakugo.”

You both sat in an awkward silence, eating until you were both fat and happy. When you finally decided you were done you leaned back into you seat. “That had to be the best meal I’ve ever had.”

Bakugo stood up and started collecting the dishes, “Dont take this the wrong way but it’s not like your pallet was all that expanded before.” He could see hurt flash over your features briefly before you schooled them back to neutral. He tried to salvage this conversation, “But dont worry I’ll try to stay away from cooking rice. I have a feeling you've had enough of that.”

You smiled as you stood up to help, “Here you cooked, the least I could do is clean up.”

He took the plate that was in your hand, “Maybe next time... You’ve had a shower, you’ve been fed, now you just need to get a good nights sleep.” He gestured over to the hallway. “The bedroom at the end of the hall is mine. The one thats closest to us right now it the guest bedroom and the they're connected by the bathroom. I’ve been told I snore so I will apologize in advance for that. Go ahead and make yourself at home. There’s a tv and everything.” When you didn't move he gave you a light hearted nudge in the direction of the bedroom. “Honestly dont worry about it. I got it from here. Go get some sleep.”

You weren't used to someone taking care of you and it made you feel suspicious. This was too good to be true. But you were also too tired to dwell too much. For the first time in a long time you were clean, full, and you actually have a bed to sleep in. Besides Ground Zero was a hero. Theres no way he’d do something to hurt you.... right?

You tip toed over to your new room and marveled at how comfortable the bed looked. You pulled your pants off, opting for just the hoodie and boxers. Burrowing into the covers with your pile of comfy pillows beneath you, you practically hummed in comfort. You rolled over and saw Bakugo through the bathroom. He was also getting ready for bed in the dim light of his bedside lamp. He gave you a soft smile before closing his door.

You weren't necessarily a fan of closed doors. You cant lock a door that isn't closed after all. But you felt safe none the less. You knew he was just in the other room. So you found yourself drifting off.

You were back in your old room. Nothing but a bucket and a stained pillow so thin it may as well have just been a pillow case. You could smell the contents of the bucket in the corner and it made you want to puke. It was freezing but all you had for warmth was the thin tattered dress you wore. Your body hurt from how hard you were shivering. The pain in your stomach the worst of all. They hadn't fed you in a few days. Saying only good girls deserve food. You huddled further into yourself as you heard the deadbolt to what may as well have been your cell click. Someone was coming in. What do they want? The big guy walked in. The one with the crooked nose. “Time to take your medicine.” You thrashed around and tried to resist but he just held you down, laughing that sickly laugh that would haunt you forever.

“NO!”

You shot up in bed. Your face was soaked with tears. You felt a strong grip on you shoulder. You swung into the darkness and felt your fist connect with something solid.

“Oi! relax its just me. You were having a nightmare. Thought I’d come wake you up.”

You rubbed your eyes, “I’m so sorry I didn't mean to wake you.”

He turned on the lamp on your nightstand, “It’s okay, it’s not like I have to work tomorrow anyways....” He was lost. He wanted to comfort you but he didn't want to crowd you. He also just met you today and shouldn't have such a strong urge to wrap his arms around you. But he does and he doesn't know how he feels about it. “So... do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head, “I’d rather not. I just want to forget all about it...”

Bakugo nodded, “Thats fair... well if you need anything I’ll be right through there.” He pointed through the doors to his room.

You bit your lip as you mustered up your courage, “Do you think you could... I mean you totally dont have to... but if its okay with you... could you... possibly stay with me until I fall asleep?”

He quirked an eyebrow at you, “Uh... sure. I guess. That’s fine.”

You quickly snuggled back into your side of the bed and he got comfortable on his. He took a look at your sleeping face and felt his heart start to ache. You hadn't needed to tell him about your nightmare because you had already shown it to him. You had subconsciously pulled him into your dream and he had a front row seat to the horrors of your past. He reached out and brushed a stray hair away from your sleeping face. He’ll be damed if anyone tried to hurt you again.

#bakugo #bakugo katsuki #Katsuki Bakugō #bhna bakugou #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #bnha #bnha fanfiction #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugo imagine #mha #mha imagines #mha bakugou #mha x reader #my hero academia #mha x y/n

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babysizedfics · 4 years

Note

ok i have two (2) asks and i will send them separately but number one (1) do u think roman uses humor to cope with things when big because like. i relate to roman too much in general but also i really really relate to ur roman in this and i do that way too much because its easier so i was just wondering if that was a thing he did? and if it were to be a thing he did how do u think the others would react? like im self deprecating but is roman? idk sorry rambling 🐝

this turned into a long post exploring romans characterisation so thank u bee anon!!

i think Roman uses humour sometimes but mainly i think its can just be described as acting out? like acting proud and big

i keep saying when roman feels small he acts big and that has nothing to do with being little - when roman feels inadequate and embarrassed and sorrowful (small) he acts loud and proud and confident (big) and stands taller and puffs out his chest - this doesnt mean everytime he is proud he's hiding insecurities, he does it when hes actually happy too. its just like he's trying to force happy on himself by acting like this when hes sad

i think the times he makes jokes are more when he feels awkward. i said before when theyre big and roman wants to support virgil he holds his hand, but he blurts something random or makes a loud joke as he does it to try to distract from the action because its obviously a vulnerable move and he doesnt want anyone to dwell on that

i really don't think my roman is very self deprecating, he acts very proud but most of that is real, he really is pretty full of himself. and he actually has never talked down about himself, he feels bad when hes frightened and he can sometimes think hes stupid but its not that intense and he never voices these things and definitely never makes jokes abt them

he just hates feeling anything less than regal and strong so if he feels scared he feels weak and he pretends to be bigger and more confident because he hopes it will chase away the inadequate feelings, and it does help him a little bit - sure he needs to talk through these feeings to work through them but actually standing taller and being extra big brotherly and protective of vee to distract from his bad feelings does make him feel better in himself and reminds him that even if he feels sad and not very glittery he's still the same brave prince roman

its actually a pretty healthy thing for him i think, since he does talk about his feelings if theyre really bothering him - take chapter 5 of LABD where he sighs dramatically and virgil asks what wrong and roman immediately rants about how he wants to do a valiant act for vee. or in chapter 8 where patton asks him whats wrong and again he sighs dramatically then immediately admits that he's scared the family will split up. he might act out to try not to look weak and sad but he doesnt actually hide his feelings

also it makes him feel safer to know that the others still see him as strong and brave even when he feels down and small

the others do all notice, romans not exactly subtle.

big virgil tends to scoff and fondly calls roman a dumbass or a sap and accepts his hand holds or suggests they do something fun if roman clearly needs a distraction - it's also to make sure roman isnt around logan when he's like this (i'll talk more abt that in a bit)

and baby vee doesnt really notice he just likes that his big brother is babying him more and will subconsciously latch onto him at these times (i think without knowin, vee actually picks up on the fact that roman needs to baby vee to feel better and vee gives him all his attention)

patton thinks its kind of cute that roman preens like a peacock and gets more flamboyant and loud and confident, though he also makes sure to give ro a lot of attention since he clearly needs it - he tends to big roman up like if he's little he'll say things like 'you're such a brave little prince' 'what a big boy you are' 'you're a really great role model for your baby brother roman!' - he highlights the fact that roman is the bigger older brother because that makes little roman feel proud and happy

logan is the one who doesnt take too fondly to it tbh - he doesn't hate it, and he would never ever judge someone for their coping mechanism, but the two tend to clash most when roman acts more cocky (don't tell them but it's because theyre both full of themselves and neither likes to feel threatened by someone else acting more important)

logan also doesnt have much of a filter and will outright state that roman is clearly acting out due to feelings of inadequacy, and that only makes roman lash out with nicknames and mocking logan because sure he loves attention almost always, but when the attention is on how he is messing up he cant stand it - this tends to result in arguments between lo and ro

virgil hates it whenever anyone argues - including himself, he gets shaky from fear of confrontation - it sets of his anxiety and he will actively keep logan and roman away from each other if he notices roman is overcompensating with his ego and pride. he is of course hypervigilant and clocks onto romans weird moods pretty quickly and either gets roman to hang out with him or, if roman is busy or doesnt feel like it, he'll keep logan preoccupied

roman and logans relationship is an interesting one, it's very turbulent. little roman looks up to mom logan a LOT and is a little bit intimidated by him because he thinks his mom is really cool and clever. he can sometimes feel almost scared of logan, though not a lot, just in the sense that he knows logan has a lot of say in what is good for vee's regression and he's scared one day logan will decide roman is one of the things that is not good for vee and will split them up (this is a recurring fear of roman's that's consistent throughout all of the fics: he's scared he will lose his brother - because he already experienced that once)

and when roman forst became a little, logan was actually a bit confused and sceptical, he didn't know that you could be a little without mentally regressing and couldnt figure out why roman did it. it obviously gets resolved before LABD since he treats roman like a kid then, but their relationship is still a little bumpy. they really get into their roles and love playing together and logan does treat the boys as equally 'real' littles, roman still gets bedtime and affection and rules and stuff, but sometimes the facade breaks a little and they both remember that theyre still just adults, theyre still logan and roman who otherwise would never act like this together.

theres a moment in LABD chapter 8 where logan is tickling roman, its very joyful and cute, then a bit later theyve stopped, ro is on his moms lap and vee says he wants to play with roman. roman is reluctant and strokes his fingers along logans arm which is hugging him - he doesnt want to give up this special time with mom because mom is almost never this physically affectionate with him. but logan immediately gets roman off his lap and leaves and its because he suddenly realised 'oh this isnt a child, this is roman, adult roman who is very aware of the fact that i just tickled him and pulled him into my lap'

so logan gets self conscious that adult roman is fully aware of how different and affectionate logan acts as mama logan.

anyway yeah i REALLY went off track im sorry 😳😳

#little/big insights #little/big concepts #asks #🐝 anon #long post

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monzterzack · 4 years

Text

aight i read the whole manga SO NOW I GET TO TALK ABOUT MUTSUKI TOORU AND HOW YALL PISSED ME OFF FOR MISGENDERING HIM AT ALL TIMES

Tooru Mutsuki from tokyo ghoul: re is a trans man, this is established early on, and no you cant ignore that part of his personality when u want to make your weird sexualizing edits of him you WEIRDOS

And i say the fact that tooru is trans is fundamental for his character arc, i would even say its a key aspect of it

To begin with, im going to say ishida is .... not good at writing queer characters, he downright sucks BIG TIME like.... jesus christ man he sucks so much at it and that was really detrimental for tooru's development as a character

BUT REGARDLESS HE REMAINS TRANS AND IDENTIFIES AS MALE, from begining to end of the manga

Now tooru seems to have a bad case of severe ptsd and trauma, and he is an abuse survivor, and all of this got mixed with his gender identity (as sometimes happens), so everytime he identifies as a "girl" in the manga it is heavily linked to his decaying mental health and not as something he feels proud of

As a trans man myself i can understand that, sometimes when im having bad episodes i start questioning my identity and switching back pronouns to "prove if im really trans or if im a fake" which seems to be the same thing tooru is doing cause it seems to only add more stress and push further his breakdowns

He is dissociating so hard and going back to how he used to be, he seems to also black out and commit horrendously violent acts due to said dissociation and the lack of a support system

He also seems to be gay, and taking said feelings as proof that he is "A female"

I want to say no girl ever refers to herself as "a female", specially with the implications that is something.... negative, but i used to do that before realizing i was trans, so thats that on that

So tooru seems to have fallen really REALLY LOW, his mental health is a mess, he got tortured so much he lost his damn marbles and he seems to be in a dissociative state since that point on

He has a baaaaad obsession with his professor, and its shown that is cause haise (kaneki) was the first to respect him as a person and as a man (he seems to be one of the only ones to use tooru's correct pronouns during the whole series) and later on is revealed this obsession is also brought due to haise triggering tooru's dysphoria this one time he entered the bathroom and he hadnt bind himself yet

The "rejection" brought by that event seems to have been a big part of tooru's obsession with haise, to the point he goes like "he thought my body was disgusting and that i was disgusting" which is a feeling that i can relate to, and its understandable then why during his mental breakdown he seems to be obsessed with obtaining haises romantic feelings and "approval"

Im not going to pretend like he is a cinnamon roll and he did nothing wrong.... cause he did.... he did everything wrong, but im gonma add nuance and said "this poor guy got so much bad luck he was abused constantly and no one really check up on him so how the FUCK WERE U EXPECTING THIS TO TURN OUT?!?!"

Also as further proof, his decaying mental health seems to be directly linked to multiple characters misgendering him and sexualizing him (torso, his father, even urie misgender him) and he seems to he repulsed all around by being the object of desire of others so maybe dont do that

He also haves some sick fantasies where he hypersexualize himself but only if haise is involved, and he seems to be completely out of it when they happen (another proof that he only sees himself as "female" when he is dissociating)

The strongest proof seems to be after his squad finally confronts him, he seems to have a lot of disgust and hate towards himself as all the reality of what has happened to him and what he has done settles down inside him, and he gets.... not well..... straight up suicidal (again another feeling i can relate to) as he admits he just wants to go back to when he was happy with the others, you know.... when he was accepted as who he was and he felt respected and safe.... not constantly misgendered and treated like eye candy

And then once they reach the final scenes, the happy endings, he cuts his hair short and remains identifying as a man, taking control back and seeing as lucid as he was in the start

SO I DO TAKE PERSONAL OFFENSE THAT EVERYONE KEEPS CALLING HIM A GIRL AND YANDERE AND "OMG SHE IS SO CRAZY AND SEXY LETS DRAW HER IN MINI SKIRTS AND ROBES WITH HUGE BAZOONKAS"

Cause the whole story he seems to be in so much pain, even saiko tells him "if all of your recent actions were your decision why do u seem so miserable" and its stated that identifying as a girl brings him so much pain and it PISSES ME OFF THAT EVERYONE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT HIM AS A GIRL CAUSE I CAN FUCKING RELATE TO HIS SUFFERING

AND I KNOW IM 3 YEARS TOO LATE TO THIS MANGA AND ITS NOT RELEVANT AT ALL bUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME GOD DAMN IT

Pains me so much that everyone dismisses his identity cause he is a trans man and "if he is a trans man that means he is basically a woman right?" When even the damn story shows that he is in pain for not being seeing as he is so BY FUCK SAKE IM WRITING THIS ANALYSIS

I read 70 fucking chapters in one sit to tell you to respect tooru as a man or u will be eating my FIST

#thats all #tokyo ghoul

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brightokyolights · 4 years

Note

I just saw your tags on the "harry was oppressed" post. Might elaborate on that when you are not tired? How Zayn was oppressed? His relationship to ot4. Other celebrities? I love your thoughts!

*cracks knuckles* buckle your seat belts folks we’re in for a wild ride here lmao.

also for context *here* is the post this anon is referring to

I think to start off i should just make a little disclaimer, everything i am going to discuss will be based in my biases probably seeing as I am also a brown British Pakistani person who is Muslim. Zayn has been someone that especially when i was younger I looked up to and was very essential in my journey of learning to love and accept myself and my culture tbh. It’s cheesy as hell but it’s true and i think this is important to know before I go into this more because like I said i am definitely biased towards him. Another thing is that I’m just going to be discussing my personal opinions and also my memory is not very good so i will probably miss out a lot of other things that happened/could be discussed. please dont take this as anything more than just. my opinion.

A thing that really opened my eyes to racism and especially the racism in the 1d fandom was the day that zayn left. I dont think thats what the post above was about btw and ill go into that but i kind of just want to talk about this. The day he left was. a severe mess. Not only because it was obviously upsetting but because of all the bs that people were spouting about a situation that absolutely no one had any context on. the statement that was released on facebook gave us nothing. literally just stated that zayn was leaving the band and the accusations and hatred people were directing towards zayn when we didnt know what actually fucking happened (and still dont might i add) was disgusting. people accusing him of being selfish and how they hated him and why he had to ruin everything. Accusing him of using mental illness as an excuse and lying about it and so much more. i had unfollow more than half of the people i followed that day. it really opened my eyes to the fact that these were all thoughts and opinions people had underneath it all and zayn was fine as long as he was part of 1d and giving people what they wanted. which was essentially being the token in the group and once he wasnt providing that anymore? people turned and people turned fast.

i think its also important to point out the flip side of it and that was zayn stans saying that 1d were nothing without 1d etc. i want to talk about why this was different from ot4 stans hating zayn. of course it wasnt nice to see or hear EVERYONE arguing with each other. i hated it so much. but i think what people failed to realise was that when it comes to situations like this you need to look deeper and think about all the nuances of the situation. zayn stans being happy about zayn leaving the band and saying 1d was going to die i did not agree with. anyone who knew me then and knows me now knows that i am a 1d stan regardless (preferably ot5 but i supported 1d until the end even as a 4some) BUT these opinions were rooted in his mistreatment in the band and the racism he was having to face as a result of being in the band etc etc i apologise for not being a person who can better describe and explain this situation but hopefully you are getting the picture. when fans were hating on zayn. with no context with nothing. that was based on racism. point blank. the amount of tweets FROM 1D FANS talking about how he was leaving to join isis and how upset fans were gonna be vulnerable and join etc etc all this deplorable bs. and he had to deal with comments like that throughout his whole time with one direction and i imagine even now.

Another thing id like to talk about is who zayn stans at least from my point of view usually were. For me i remember when i first got into the fandom i actively made the decision that i didnt want zayn to be my favourite because i didnt want to be a stereotype and this was a point in my life when i still tried to shun and push my culture down because i was ashamed of it. it was only as i slowly saw that zayn was considered as cool and hot and everyone else liked him that i kind of understood that maybe. being brown was alright and it was something cool and that maybe i was cool. it sounds fucked up and honestly i dont even know if i want to be admitting this so adamantly but argh if it helps someone understand then maybe its worth it. (mortifying ordeal of being known eh?) anyways i noticed as i engaged more in fandom and looked for more diversity, more fans like me, majority of non white fans were also... zayn stans. and honestly it makes sense because we all tended to flock towards the closest diversity we could find it seems. im not saying that there werent white zayn stans and that the other boys didnt have non white stans but i just wanted to point out this trend. so when you also take this into account and the fact that on the day zayn left it was majorly... white stans who were criticizing zayn it puts it in perspective for you. majority of fans who still like and support zayn are also not white.

there is a lot more to do with fans but hopefully thats enough of an insight and you can understand the kind of vibes that were present during 1ds prime and what not only zayn had to go through but also as a result the racism we ended up having to deal with as well tbh.

now!!!... something i dont really like talking about lol so this will probably be short but the other boys. so as far as i can remember liams always been kind to zayn since hes left (no surprise there <3 also please correct me if im wrong), niall was kind of indifferent/didnt say anything really, and then there was louis and harry *awkward smile*. hahaha. from my memory i remember when asked about what the most difficult thing was about zayn leaving harry said ‘the paperwork’ which was *awkward smile* and he also kicked that monkey mask/pinata? i cant remember with naughty boys face on it and honestly im sure theres more but his overall reaction to zayn leaving was kind of not caring and maybe being slightly nasty which :) with louis there was the massive twitter fight which literally tears my soul in half so lets not go into that haha and honestly other things where it maybe seemed like he was upset with zayn leaving as well. honestly i am a bit in two minds about these reactions because at the end of the day we dont know what occurred behind the scenes and we probably never will as much as we can speculate or whatever. not to mention that this 10th anniversary it seems maybe everyones on good terms which, who knows really im going to try be optimistic. i think whats important to note about heir reactions is that we dont know anything about their situations but the problem was really how fans reacted tbh (btw i forgot to mention earlier this is about basically everything except for harry and the nb thing. that is inexcusable). the boys reactions were understandable but the problem is that fans of course vicariously are influenced by the boy they stan so when one of them acted a certain way of course that ended up reflecting in fandom and resulted in more racism etc.

another thing with zayn was that there were many files leaked with like promo or whatever basically describing what kind of role the boys would take on/ their image etc. and of course all the other boys got things like bubbly/funny/charming etc and zayns descriptors? moody, mysterious, dark horse etc etc like from the inception of 1d zayn has been victim to racist stereotypes being pushed on him. and i think this is where harry comes in because of course the image pushed onto him was also extremely harmful and i definitely dont think we should not talk about that but often you'll see that... thats all that is talked about because people are uncomfortable admitting racism and talking about it.

When i mentioned other celebrities my point was basically just that while ive only talked about zayn in one direction this... is so present among any and every fandom. 5sos, Little Mix, Fifth Harmony... any fandom you can think of, i promise you it is there. racism in fandom is a real thing and a big problem and honestly this is why i always say representation is so important. and when i say that i mean everywhere!!! because if I didnt seek out non white fans to follow then maybe i would’ve had a completely different perspective on all of this.

The thing is also that a lot of this is just stuff that we’ve been able to get our hands on and also fan analysis and theories etc. there is probably so much more to talk bout or go into or stuff we’ll never even know about. I’ve kind of had to make peace with the fact that with celebrities you just really don’t actually know anything about them.

I think i’ll end this here if there’s any more questions you have about anything feel free to ask! and again this is all just my opinion but hopefully i’ve been able to help answer you <3 have a nice day and i hope youre hydrated!!!

#ask #anon #1d #zayn #long post #i also have links to posts for proof of how zayn was treated on the last day if youd like but i thought id simplify #and just talk about what i though #there really is so much more that can be said

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leedrop-angel · 5 years

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Fight and make up

This is a story I was thinking of before I made this blog, and was completely comfortable writing, but now that I have this blog, and am super comfortable to write, I'll do this story, and someone else I gave the prompt to, and they said they're gonna do it so watch for @ticklish-sides for when they do it as well :D ( and read there other stuff, there really talented)

Lamp( Roman, Virgil, Logan, Patton)

Logan and Virgil fight, and won't make up, so Roman and Patton step in and do their thing (YES ITS A TICKLE FIC) but it starts off sad just so yall know

~~~~~~~~~

"I DIDNT MAKE HIM HAVE A FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH DAY LOGAN" Virgil screamed, Logan came to him fuming cause the video was late for everyone cause Thomas had taken a mental health day, Patton and Roman didn't mind, but Logan was now off schedule and that pissed him off. Roman heard them arguing, and Patton went next to him, worried.

"YOUR HIS MENTAL HEALTH, YOU MADE HIM MISS THIS IMPORTANT FUCKING VIDEO, MAYBE IF YOU NEEDED THE DAY YOU SHOULD HAVE DUCKED OUT LIKE BEFORE" Logan shouted, both were fuming at this point. And Patton and Roman seen it was getting worse and had to step in, "guys calm down" Patton spoke up, but was ignored "WHY, SO YOU CAN BEG ME BACK, IF I LEAVE YOUR WORDS WON'T WORK TO GET MY ASS BACK" Virgil now had tears in his eyes, but Logan wasn't gonna lose this was, "NOBODY NEEDS ANXIETY. MAYBE YOU AND YOUR MENTAL HEALTH SHOULD GO BACK TO THE FUCKING DARK SIDES WHERE YOU BELONG!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH"

Roman shouted, seeing how that one broke Virgil, but all Virgil did was throw his new hoodie at Logan and ran off to his room, both angry and sad, Logan took the hoodie and threw it away, stomping to his room, feeling the same. "This isn't good Roman, they have never fought like that, what do we do!?!?" Patton said, scared they won't make up. " Don't worry Padre, I'll talk to Logan, you talk to Virgil, let's try to get them back before a duel starts" and with that, they went to help there person

~~virgil+ patton~~

Virgil was trembling with rage, he had tears down his eyes, and something he didn't ever wanna bring back, his old black hoodie, and a black shirt, soon while deep in thought about Logan's words, Patton came in " hey kiddo, how you doing" Virgil looked up, then at his wall mirror, " this is how" was all Virgil said, before he punched his mirror, shattering it, and getting glass in his hand, but he didn't care, Patton though screamed at that and goes into his bathroom, getting the first aid kit and tweezers. "Virgil you didn't need to do that!" Patton slightly yelled and took his hand, getting the glass out " that's how I feel Patton, I showed you instead of tell you. Why are you here anyway?" Virgil spoke, sadness in his voice. And Patton finished at his hand before speaking again. "You need to come with me, you and Logan need to-"

"DONT SAY THAT NAME IN MY ROOM AGAIN" Virgil yelled before Patton could finish. "I have nothing to say to it, if it wants to apologize to me, then I'll talk, but till then, I don't want its name spoken in this room" Patton could tell Virgil was extremely unhappy, they always knew cause if he was mad at you, you where a it to him. And Patton sighs, "my shadowling, please. He made a mistake, you both need to talk it out" Patton begged, but Virgil stayed strong, "keep it away from me, it doesn't deserve to speak around me, now please leave Patton, I Wanna be alone..." And with that Patton sighed and walked out hoping Roman got farther than him

~~~~~~

~~roman and Logan ~~~~

" Logan?" Roman walked in as if walking on eggshells, but logan was stress cleaning with his own room, “I'm not talking to him roman, so don't even try to talk me into it”. was all logan said as he fixed his bed, but roman refused to listen,” I will not leave till I get you to apologize to our resident emo!” but logan just rolled his eyes, “he should apologize to me, he messed up our schedule, and now everyone is mad at Thomas for missing the video” but before roman could say anything, logan snapped, and a robot came over and pushed roman out of the room.

~~~~~~~~

Patton and roman met back up, both obviously upset, “any luck padre?” roman started already guessing on that answer, “no, and I guess the same for you princy?” and all roman did was shake his head, “please just give me time to think of a way to get them together, ok pops,” and Patton nodded listening to roman.

a week went by, and logan and Virgil refused to be in the same room, hell, Virgil hasn't even left his room to eat or anything, but before Patton could try to go to the room and fail at talking to Virgil again.roman took him aside with a huge grin. “ Patton I got a great idea, ill get Virgil, you get logan. take them to the imagination, but don't tell them that the other is coming. ok?” and Patton just smiles and nods and takes there plan into action.

~~time skip~~

roman and Virgil where the last to walk in, but when logan and Virgil saw each other, they both stared at each other. both wanted to talk, but both wanted the other to start. but before anyone could leave, roman and Patton snapped, and soon vines came from the ground and grabbed both Virgil and logan legs and arms, the arms pinned to the ground as the vines turned into stocks, and the vines kept their arms above there head. “ Patton, what is the meaning of this”

“ROMAN GET ME OUT OF THESE” was all that came from both boys said, as they struggle to get free, but both of them realized they were trapped. “ you guys are not getting free till you make up,” Patton said, and roman nodded

“I have nothing to say to it” Virgil started and suddenly bit his lip, feeling a vine graze his side as it took his hoodie off. “ and I can't talk to someone who cant help Thomas” logan stated and squeaked as he was stripped of his socks, feeling the vines slither up his feet. “ the longer you don't apologize to each other, the longer this will be, but you both won't last long, so start talking” roman said, but no words where said. but soon both boys squeaked, feeling vines slither under there sleaves and wiggled under there arms, Virgil bit his lip, and logan puffed his cheeks up to stop the giggles, but it was true, the longer they stayed quiet, the worse it got. roman and Patton just watched, waiting for them to make up.

“tick-tock boys, roman said and the vines went down to there ribs, and logan was the first to break, giggles started to come from him “ nohohoho this ihihihis worse!!!” logan giggled, struggling more, but Virgil didn't giggle yet, “ihihihi won't stahahahart” but soon Virgil started to tremble, but soon he broke into laughter, as his belly was attacked next, but logan laughed as well as the vines attacked his feet, “guys come one of you start, it will just get worse” Patton squeaked and Virgil was the first to start. “IHIHIHI DIDNT STAHAHAHAHAHRT IHIHIHIT”

It stayed like that for 5 minutes but soon both of them where cackling as there feet, bellies, belly buttons, ribs and pits where attacked, and both said this a the same time, “IHIHIHIHIHIHIM SOHOHOHOHOHO SOHOHOHOHRHRHRHY” and suddenly it was all over, they where both let go, and soon in such a tickly daze hugged each other as it was over. “would you guys wanna go to your rooms, or st-” before Patton could say anything, Virgil and logan fell asleep, hugging each other, and roman just made a king-sized bed appear under them, and him and Patton just went on the bed, and just started there cuddle pile, everyone happy that they where back together. no more fights.

#tickle blog #tickle #lee!virgil #lee!logan #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders

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the209social · 4 years

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Feelings

12:00am 05.04.2020

I’ve never been the greatest person at controlling my feelings. Especially when i like someone. After i tell a guy that i have feelings for him, I tend to make things complicated and awkward when he doesn’t reciprocate. I have a difficult time separating friendship from love when i fall in love with someone. This doesn’t happen very often because I guard my heart very much. It’s been broken so many times, yet sometimes i wonder if i was the cause of all those heart aches. Could i have spared all those tears by simply changing the way i reacted or looked at the situation, when a guy didn’t feel the same love for me?

I recently confessed my love to a man that i had fallen very much in love with. He’s a very good friend of mine and i developed feelings for him as time passed. I’ve never fallen in love for a man like him. He has a lot of qualities that i see potential in as a long term relationship. Don’t get me wrong, he also has his defects, and many of them, but i look past them because of the love i feel for him. It’s never easy telling someone you love them and opening up your heart and soul. There are a lot of factors that prevent us from telling someone we love them. Years ago i learned that keeping your feelings in only hurts yourself. We are afraid that the friendship will change and things will become awkward or they will stop talking to us. It’s not easy opening up, especially when you are very close.

Well if you’re wondering if he felt the same way for me after i bared my soul in a long 3 page letter, the answer is no. I got a really dry text stating, he would rather keep our friendship the way it was. Those were very hard words to hear, yet this time around i didn’t take the rejection to the heart. My worry wasn’t that he did not feel the same for me. My true worry was that he would feel uncomfortable and start pulling away. I value his friendship so much that i was terrified of losing it more than anything. I accepted his answer and respected his wishes. Recently i was able to hang out with him and his friends. I was able to be around him and honestly put my feelings aside. I didn’t find it difficult to be in the same space with him. I must admit that it brings me joy to still have him as a friend. The way i process things has grown very much. I didn’t always process things so simply. I use to let it affect me and my mental health. Usually i would be in tears, heart broken because this guy, that i love so much doesn’t love me in return. Now that i look back, i find it a bit ridiculous.

I came to the realization that there is no way you can make someone love you. You could literally be the only person in their life that cares for them and they will still not see your value as a potential love interest. This is where having control over your emotions comes into play. I remember how i would always tell Romeo how much i loved him but he wanted to keep the relationship as a “friends with benefits,” kind of deal. I would always get sad, cry and get depressed. He had a diamond (me), but he was scared of its worth and found more value in simple rocks. My mistake was being so damn adamant in wanting him to love me. I should have just simply offered him a friendship with no benefits and things would have been better between us. So when i confessed my love to my new dear friend and he did not reciprocate, i said to myself, “i rather still have his friendship than lose this man that has been there for me in many areas of my life, as i have also been there for him.” This time around i told my broken heart, “its okay, you will fall in love again.”

There is only one thing that has been bothering me so much. Before i told him how i felt i noticed that he has stopped texting and calling me about a week prior. He took longer to answer text messages and he was short and rude in the way he replied. I didn’t pay much attention at first. I did notice that he was going out more with a group of friend that he has, but i didn’t think that was odd at first. Then one of his friends told me that he had moved in with this group of friends and it all made sense to me. Before he was living there, he would text or call me a couple of times a week and ask if we could hang out. Not only was i happy that he wanted to spend time with me because of the way i felt for him, but simply because i enjoyed his company very much. We would bake cookies and watch movies, have sleep overs (as friends) go hiking, go out to eat. He always called or texted. Now that he’s permanently with his other friends i guess he no longer has a need for Me. The last time he invited me to do anything was on his birthday, about a week ago, but before that he hadn’t text me for almost two weeks. Days have gone by and i don’t know anything about my dear friend. Maybe, even though, he said that he wanted to stay friends, at the end of the day he felt weirded out by me. I worry so much for him because i can see him make small bad decisions after another. Yet i said to myself, i’m not his keeper or guardian, he has to learn on his own and i’m not his savior. That was something that was hard to accept, because when you love someone so much and care for their existence so much, you want to see them prosper and make the right choices.

But i’m also tired of being so available for these guys that use me while their lives are a mess and once things look good and life going well for them they turn their backs on me. Romeo and Damian (also known as Habibi) played me and tossed me out like an old rag, and now my dear friend seems to be doing the same as well. I miss my friend. He was truly like my best friend to me. We did almost everything together. To be honest, when he told me he only wanted to be my friend, i set all those feelings that caused me to love him aside and crumbled them up and tossed them out the window before it was too late and i couldn’t change the way i felt for him. That doesn’t mean that i don’t worry, but when i go on social media and i see that his friends post him it makes me a bit jealous, (not in a romantic way.) Im jealousy stems from when he’s been down and out, and cant find solace in his life, i have been there to hold his hand and give him a shoulder to cry on, two loving arms to hold him from breaking. Meanwhile these friends barely gave a fuck, yet they have more importance. Can it be because i don’t party every night and offer him alcohol? Because that the one thing he said he wanted to get away from and change, yet there he is, somehow back in that mess. Am i over reacting? My gut feelings tells me no and my gut has never been wrong. Anyways, i decided that i’m always the one reaching out. When i was talking to Damian i was the one who constantly attempted to set up times to met and hang out, (that 99.9% of them never happened.) I learned so much about valuing myself from him. I said never again. Damian and i are friends now. Yes i invite him over to social gatherings at my place but i learned to only invite once and let go. As for my dear friend, i decided that i’m not reaching out for him. Not because of pride, but simply because i am valuable and he needs to understand that. Every morning i wake up wanting to text him, “i miss you friend 😞” and i stop myself. I have already proved to him that i love him with all my heart and soul, and that i’m also a faithful friend willing to bend over backwards for him. If he wants to throw it all away for god knows what reason, then i can’t stop him. I honestly believe that losing his friendship would hurt more than him not loving me in return.

Time will only tell, but in the mean time my dear friend is constantly on my mind. I worry about him a lot and my family is constantly asking about him, because they like him. Friends that we have in common also ask me about him and all i can reply to them is “i don’t know.” That is honestly the saddest answer i have ever give about a person, and it breaks me. On a positive note i have been channeling my feelings into a more healthy lifestyle. A couple days ago i got so drunk, among other things that i’m not very proud of, and the next morning my mind couldn’t cope with the downer i was having. I had a full anxiety and panic attack just thinking of my friend, my past, my feeing. I wanted to rip out of my skin and run away. I hadn’t had anxiety like that since my time with Romeo. So i decided that at the moment i want to give up alcohol and any substances that alter my way of feeling. I need to be in control, now more than ever. I decided to work on my health and get back to my 2013 body. I plan on doing it in a more slowly and healthy way. There are still many things on my mind. I worry about my dear friend all the time, but now i just don’t let it bother me. I’m sure my friend will reach out at one point. Let’s just hope he doesn’t take too long and i that i don’t reach a “i don’t care” level like i did with Romeo and Damian, because there is no turning back after that.

1:02am 05.08.2020 (took me a while to write this one, i was battling with all the emotions that live inside my mind and soul)

#feelings #love #friendship #jealousy #self worth #sad #just friends

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swampgallows · 5 years

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i relate to a lot of the posts about adhd but when i take online tests and stuff like that i dont think it’s exactly me. i feel like a lot of my behavior is the result of trauma because i will want to get started on things but then i just... don’t. i do try to do things when the mood strikes because that’s really the only way i do anything, unless i have a very pressurizing deadline (like i am in physical pain, or i am being yelled at or otherwise forced).

i always did exceptionally well in school; in fact, it’s the only thing i ever learned to do well. once i got to college i really unraveled in my last few years because everything felt pointless. even stuff i would want to do and want to get done just felt like it didn’t matter. i felt constantly pressured by my parents about whether or not i was doing anything important. i always felt like i wasn’t good enough. i never feel like i am good enough. i dont finish artwork or even start it because i know it’s going to be shit and i hate doing it because i know i do it just so i feel productive. nowadays i feel pressured to make art not because i enjoy it but because i have to show proof that i deserve to exist, basically.

ive been unemployed almost two years now and i have done nothing. i have been living every single day trying to be as small and minimal and out of the way as i can be, partially due to my shame in contributing nothing and also in order to avoid my mom and her suffocating depression. i have had a couple of leads and i have struggled very hard to do some things myself. i am more comfortable with driving than before but it’s still difficult. i haven’t driven in a month because i have nowhere to go. even to drive and get food, i feel awful for spending money when i don’t make any. and i am always chastised when i leave the house, even just to take out the trash, so the pressure of having to sneak out to go anywhere or do anything also deters me.

i guess what i relate to the most with adhd is the seemingly innumerable hurdles i have to jump just to do basic things that really shouldn’t require permission. unless something is immediately demanding my attention, i dont shift focus to it at all. yet i seemingly hear everything.

my brain has been so foggy lately it’s hard to even put thoughts together to write this. i feel so much pressure all the time from all sides of my life that i wish i could just implode and disappear. when my dad came home from work yesterday he slammed the door and shouted “i’d like SOME kind of contribution” or something to that effect, and my mom started apologizing for not doing the dishes and shit like that. but i knew what he meant was “I’m the only one making any money and having to provide for you lazy sacks of shit and i’m 71 years old and want to retire.” so i just didnt say anything. dad is fucking pissed because he had to pay thousands of dollars in taxes and even though i was a dependent with zero income i still owed the state 6 dollars. he’s also pissed because the house is always a fucking mess and my mom and i are just at home all day.

living in my mom’s mess is probably not helping anything either. there’s so much physical clutter that it causes mental clutter. sometimes i wonder if she might have adhd. i dont know what i ‘have’. i dont really care about being diagnosed with anything; i just wish i could get my life on track and figure out how i can want to start living and want to grow up.

i feel like being ace has also really deterred me from wanting to grow up because all i know about adult life is fucking relationships and marriage and kids and shit (just yesterday my dad said he dreamed that i was the first to have kids, despite my sister dating her shit boyfriend on and off for 4 years and them living together etc.). i know there’s like a career and shit like that but i just have nothing to look forward to at all in terms of an adult life or a future. theyre like “you can do whatever you want!!” but i dont even want anything anymore.

it’s too risky to want anything. it’s just too hard. and it hurts to think about wanting anything knowing i cant get it or that it isnt realistic. ive only focused on entirely imaginary scenarios for that very reason. i can be comfortable knowing it will never happen.

i wish i had a new therapist. i wish i could just disappear forever

#blathering

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anuknowha · 5 years

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Till Death Do We Part// Chapter 8, Selena’s Window

Yolanda sat there in her cell, marking yet another day on the wall. It's been over 24 years, over 8,760 days from when she was first convicted for her heinous crime. It felt like time would constantly move slow, the clock in her room would tick slowly, second by second passing. The ticks would be loud at some points, and at others, they would die down. Those sounds of the clock would ring through her ears and almost drive her mad. It was too constant, it was as if it were something she couldn’t get away from. Time itself was a constant reminder for her, it made her remember her mistakes. It made her remember when she killed Selena.

Currently, at her place on the floor, she was staring at the bunk bed in front of her that was always dormant. They refused to partner her up with anyone, she didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve the company, she was meant to be alone. It pissed her off, she hated it but she knew this was the placed she earned in this world.

A curse left her breath as she was called out of her cell for lunch. She had forgotten what time it was. She looked outside her cell and there was a guard, standing ready with a key to unlock her from her prison so that she could be taken to me the mess hall.

“Come on Saldivar, its lunch time.” the guard beckoned as she grabbed her wrist roughly and led her to the cafeteria.

This was the only time that she was able to see other people, but she wasn’t allowed to communicate with them. She would watch them from a distance, as they would look in her direction and spit in it. And speaking of spit, she has been spit on multiple times by other inmates who even knew she had went to far. It didn’t matter what they did, or how long they were in for, they all hated her, despised her, all except a couple. The few who were supported were marked as “crazy”, they would sit as close to her as they possibly could; winking and smiling at her every time they passed her cell, or even just to get food.

They thought it was brave to the star out, they were always jealous of her fame and fortune.

“What does she have that I don’t have? A pretty face? I had one hell of a face before I was stuck in here, I could’ve been a star.” “She didn’t deserve to be so successful. I’ve seen girls prettier than her and she still got to the top of the charts.” “She ain’t make it look that hard, I bet anyone of us could’ve done this. We could’ve done this.” “Hell yeah we could’ve. Waste of time to think that she was going to actually see the end of her career. Thank goodness we had Yolanda here to stop her.” These were some of the things that had been said about her. They wanted to show their support. In their eyes, she was the most successful person there, she actually achieved something that most couldn’t or even feared to do. And with that they cheered her on, and worshiped her like a god.

It wasn’t always the same set of women, after all she’s been here for 24 years and not everyone was still there. Her first group was out on parole after her 9th year there. Second group was gone about a year or two ago. This third group seemed like they were here to stay, well at least one of them was. She was one of the girls from the last group, and older woman, placed back here because she decided to murder her boyfriend. The first time, she was in here for bank robbery. This woman just didn’t know when to quit, but Yolanda wasn’t surprised. She actually grew quite fond of her. And when her security walked away she would move to their table, admiring her admirers and listening to them talk about her success. She would laugh with them, and enjoy listening to their stories of how they ended up here and what they plan to do when they get out, no matter how violent their decisions were. But when her guard came back she rushed back to her lonesome table, wondering how long it would take before she could talk to her “friends” once again. It was the only thing she enjoyed, and it was the only thing to make her feel powerful.

After she finished her sandwich for today, her guard took her back to the cell that she hated. It was her home, and although it was now only 2 o clock, she was tired. She climbed into the bottom bunk and curled up, grabbing the pillow tightly and sighing into it. To be honest, she regretted everything, being part of the fan club and even meeting Selena in the first place. She wish she never knew about her, and maybe, just maybe she still would’ve been out living her life today.

She continued to think about the thing that landed her in this prison of life, one that she would more than likely spend the rest of her life in. She didn’t expect to be out for parole, even when the time comes, she was expecting everyone to never forgive her. If she got out, everyone would despise her, she won’t be able to get a job, and she’ll be struggling to maintain herself. After all, she was going to be over 60; almost old enough to get her social security and yet she wouldn’t have worked in over 30 years. She was going to be broke, she was never going to regain her life. And with that, she tried to clear her mind.

At dinner, she felt strange, she felt as if something was different, as if someone was watching her. She was slightly paranoid the whole time, watching everyone in the dining hall as they walked past her to their tables. It seemed like no one was paying her mind, and not even her biggest fans were looking in her direction today.

“I think her being in here as made her a little crazy.” one teased as she lifted her index finger to her head and rotated it in a circular motion.

“She’s been in here so long, what do you expect?” another one said.

“Maybe she’s just tired. Sometimes, when I don’t get enough sleep, I start acting a little crazy. You know, a little insane. Sleep is important for us.”

“Yeah, yeah, we know.”

“Should one of us go to check on her?”

“Nah, she’ll be fine by tomorrow.” the oldest woman at the table said as she turned in her direction and made a heart with her hands.

Yolanda just sent here a smile and a nod as she sat down the rest of her food, unable to finish due to the mental discomfort and the feeling of unease that tugged at her stomach. Needless to say, she was ready to head back to her cell.

Later that night, after the guards went home, she was slowly entering a relaxed state. She got comfortable as she laid down and turned towards the wall. She closed her eyes and drifted off into a sleep slumber.

At a quarter to midnight, she woke up, feeling like someone was staring directly at her. She looked outside the cell, and there was no one, the lights outside her small room were all off. The small light in her room was still shining pretty bright.

“H-hello?” she muttered out, only to receive no answer.

“Hello?” she mumbled out once more.

“I see you’ve aged quite a bit, must be the stress. You know, back when I was a singer, there was a lot of stress coming from being famous. But, I guess, being infamous can still put the same amount of weight on you. I wouldn’t know.” a voice came from inside the room.

“Who’s there?!” Yolanda jumped, sitting up in her bed, she looked around only to see nothing.

“You don’t remember me? That kind of makes me sad.”

“Who are you!? Show yourself!”

Selena looked down at her from the top bunk. She gave her a smile of both anger and disgust. “Hola bitch.” she stated.

Yolanda let out a scream, one that no one could hear. She continued to scream, before hopping off the bed and running as quick as she could to the other side of the room. He back pressed against the wall.

“You can’t be here!! You’re dead! I killed you!!”

“That you did, perra. But guess what? Since I was an innocent soul, I ended up exactly where you thought I would. In heaven, somewhere you’d never make it to. You know?” she giggled.

“This can’t be real!”

“You’re right it can’t be. It shouldn’t be, but it is, and here I am, in the flesh. My whole body, live and well with not a single bullet wound.”

“B-but how??” Yolanda swallowed hard.

Selena rolled her eyes.

“I just told you how, I’m in heaven.”

“No, I mean how did you get here?! Back to earth!?”

“That, is something I don’t know, but what I do know, is that I am back and I am well.” Selena said hopping down from the top bunk and basically floating to the floor.

Yolanda was still shivering in fear, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing and it was hard to even comprehend.

“You seemed surprised to see me.”

“Yeah!! Because you’re dead! I killed you!”

“You did. And how many years ago was it again? About 24? It's been a long time, and I bet you don’t even care.” Selena hummed as she took steps closer.

“I-I-”

Selena gets face to face with her murderer and looks her in the eyes.

“You’re not so strong without a weapon, without a gun to protect you huh? I mean look at you, you’re cowering in fear, afraid of what I might do to you. And honestly you should be.”

Yolanda grabbed the closest thing to her and threw it at Selena. It went through her, just like it would a ghost. She swallowed hard, her saliva almost getting caught into her throat.

“Trying to hurt me again? I don’t think you’ll find that as successful as you think. Too bad too, this would be a great time to prove how powerful you are.” Selena paused.

“I despise you for what you did. You killed me in cold blood in jealousy, for what? What did I ever do to you? I gave you a job, a home, and somewhere to be yourself, and how do you repay me? You murder me, right when I was hitting my peak of success, my peak of happiness. And not once did you dare to apologize. Not once did you regret anything that you did. Not once did you bring yourself to ever think about the consequences that you would bring about by taking me out. I lost my friends and family because of you, and they lost me. And it's all your fault.”

“L-look Selena, I didn’t mean to- I was just trying to-”

“Quiet!! I don’t want to hear it. You killed me! You took my life away from me!! I was happy and you just snatched it from me because you were being selfish!!” Selena said, tears forming in her eyes.

She tried not to cry but she couldn’t help it. Ghostly tears fell down her cheeks as she balled her fists in anger.

“I wanted to have kids! I wanted to start a family! I wanted to continue making my mom and dad proud, you don’t understand. I don’t expect you to understand. I really don’t” Selena shook her head and relaxed her hands.

“I’m sorry Selena!! I’m so so so sorry!! Please! Forgive me!! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to end your life like that! I was just being jealous, I just was angry that I might be forgotten or left behind by you by the time that everyone knew me.”

“I wasn’t going to forget you. I’m better than that; I’m better than you, and I always have been.”

“Selena!! I’m sorry!! Please!! Please forgive me!! I didn’t mean it!! I really didn’t mean it!!”

“Yolanda, I can’t. You did it, and you have to own up to it and you know this. I was trying to be there for you, just like I was everyone else. I wanted to make sure you were happy, that you were satisfied with your job. I wanted to see you succeed in life, just like I did, and you didn’t have to be famous to do that. You just needed to be happy, you needed to be content with what I was giving you and I was giving you everything. You had a lot of my attention, my time, and my love. You were in charge of my fans. You were to help me while I helped you. You were to be my best friend when I’m on the road but you didn’t appreciate it. It was never enough for you and I should’ve saw it in your eyes, I should’ve seen the anger and rage that ran through you for who knows how long? But you know, I tried to look past it, I was better than that. You know this, everyone knew this and that’s why they’re all pissed at you. They knew I didn’t deserve this. But what should I expect? Trust no one I guess.”

“Se-” Was the only last syllable she could mutter out before Selena cut her off.

“Vete a la mierda.” Selena said as she turned her back to Yolanda and walked away, disappearing into thin air.

Yolanda clenched her teeth, trying not to cry. She felt regret stab her in her stomach and she felt angry at her past. She fell to her knees, scraping them on the dirty cell floor. She screamed loud, her hands gripping tightly at her hair and yanking roughly, pulling strands out. She continued to screech, which echoed through the area that she was sitting in. She could feel herself slipping, wishing that she could take it all back.

The lights flickered. Before it stayed on for the rest of the night, this time, it was just a lot dimmer.

Chris was sitting in his room, his guitar in his hand as he strummed a few strings. He hummed a melody to himself, it was one that belonged to one of his ex wife’s songs. He let a long sigh escape his lips.

It was getting late, and he had been up all day trying to think of something to write, but nothing came to mind. And the longer he sat there with his instrument in his hand, the longer time slipped away from him and before he knew it, it was 1am.

“I wish Selena was here. It's been so long…”

He felt his heart ache. He felt empty inside once more, and that’s probably why he divorced his last wife. No one could replace Selena, no matter how hard he tried. He hung his head in dread.

“Bebe?” Selena’s voice came in a whisper from the other side of the room.

“Selena?” he lifted his head up to be faced with Selena standing in front of him, an enormous smile on her face.

“Selena!” he jumped up from the bed and embraced her in the best way possible in a warm loving hug.

“I missed you so much Chris.” she said, her smile fading only some.

“I missed you more Selena.” he said as he pulled away from her some, only to pull her into a deep, passionate and loving kiss.

Their hearts were beating a thousand miles a minute as they held each other in an embrace. They felt so warm and comforted.

“Wait, how could you be here!? I thought you were dead!?”

“I am dead, sadly… but… I found a way to travel here, and I knew I needed to pay you a visit.”

“Mi amor, its so late... “

Selena laughed and pushed him gently. She took a look at the clock.. “Its only 1 in the morning.”

“Pretty late to be visiting someone don’t you think?” he laughed.

“Fine!” she said pushing him harder so he falls back onto his bed in a fit of laughter.

Selena crawls on top of him and pulls him into another kiss, more passionate than the one before. Their kiss lasted for minutes before she pulled away.

“I’m sorry Selena.” he tried to fight back tears.

“About what love?” she said, questioning his worrying expression.

“I found someone else… but we got divorced! But we do have two kids… I’m so sorry.”

Selena got silent and felt something that she would assume, if she wasn’t dead, would be heartbreak. She shook her head trying to shake the feeling and gave a soft sigh.

“I didn’t expect you to stay single forever, and it wasn’t your fault I died. I just hope you were happy as long as you were with her.”

“I was, but I was never as happy with her as I was with you.” Chris mumbled.

Selena kissed him once more, wiping his tears away.

“Chris, I just want you to be happy, I don’t care how it happens. I don’t want you to just be caught up on me. I’m gone, and I can’t come back in any other way but this one. And it's not permanent. I don’t even know how long I can be like this until i have to return back to heaven but I wanted you to know how much I love you, and missed you.”

“Please don’t leave again.” he almost whimpered as he gripped her wrist.

“I have to, I’ve been on earth for a few hours now and I don’t want to miss out on talking to my family. Don’t worry, I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Selena… I love you.” he said, tears continuing to stream down his slightly swollen cheeks.

“I love you too Chris. Say “hi” to the kids fo me.”” she said as she started to fade, her voice zoning out along with her.

Chris sat there, in his room in disbelief, but he soon began to smile. He wiped his tears away and laughed some as he realized that this was the happiest he had ever been in a while.

Soon enough, Selena was in her brother’s house, who was fast asleep. She planted a kiss on his forehead and rubbed his shoulder before leaving out. She then went to go visit her sister who was preparing for bed, and gave her a pat on the shoulder and a hug from behind. Her sister turned around and saw nothing and continued to prepare herself for sleep. Selena knew she would return a better time, when everyone was active and awake so that was she could spend quality time with them.

Lastly, she went to go visit her parents who were sitting in the living room watching tv. She appeared right in front of it.

“Hola mama, papa.” Selena said grinning.

Both her parents sat up and looked at her, wiping their eyes to make sure they weren’t dreaming.

“Selena!?” they shouted in unison as they both got up and ran over to hug her.

“You can’t be real!!” her mom screamed in disbelief.

“I am mama, I’m in heaven, but I managed to come here so that I can see everyone.”

“You mean you already visited Chris and your siblings?” her father wondered.

“Yes, Chris was awake writing music but my brother and sister were sleeping.”

“We just can’t believe you’re here mija! We’re so happy to see you!”

“Me too mom, I’m so glad to be able to see you again. Both of you, here alive and well. It's been so long since I’ve been able to have the embrace of my loved once and I wish it could stay that way.”

“I wish it could too.” her mother was tearing up,

“No, please don’t cry mom…. I know this isn’t forever but I’ll be back I promise and I know you’ll both join me in heaven. I’ll just keep coming back until you do, as much as I can,as often as I can. I promise.” Selena said as she started fading away.

“What’s happening?!” her father screamed in a slight panic.

“It's time for me to go I guess. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here that long. I’ll be back. I love you both, I always will… make sure you tell Marcella and Abraham that I visited them last night, and that I’ll return soon.”

“Bye Selena! We love you!” they said together as her father hugged her mother trying his best to comfort her.

Selena waved and blew them a kiss as she became nothing. Completely gone from earth’s surface.

“Selena! Selena wake up!!” the brunette shook her new friend’s lifeless body in worry.

“Selena!” She shook her harder, as she watched Selena finally started breathing again.

She gasped and opened her eyes. She sat up, almost as if she was startled and looked her friend in the face, giving her a big tight hug. She took a second to gain her breath, her chest heaving and her heart racing.

“I’m fine Lisa. Its okay, I’m perfectly fine.”

“Thank goodness…” Lisa sighed as she clinged to her friend’s clothing.

“How long was I gone…?”

“About 5 hours. I thought I had lost you. I wasn’t expecting you to be out of it for so long. What even happened…?”

“I-I’m not sure…” she said pulling away and scratching the back of her head. “I was able to visit my killer, and I was able to get in contact with friends and family. I was so happy to see Chris… and mama and papa.”

“How…?!” Lisa’s eyes widened in wonder and speculation.

“It must have something to do with concentration and thought…”

“I didn’t know we were capable of traveling to earth.”

“Me neither, not until today anyway. But, I don’t think I can do it again. It took a lot of energy and it was super stressful.”

Lisa grew worried and hugged Selena once more, the warm embrace comforting her as they sat there together.

“I want to know more, but I rather not have you talk about it. I don’t want you hurting or worrying.”

A knock at the door suddenly came and they looked at each other in wonder.

“Who is it?” Selena shouted.

“Um… its Mac Miller.” the voice behind the door said.

“Who?” Lisa asked.

“Mac Miller, the rapper.”

“We don’t know any Mac Miller.” Selena responded.

“That’s fine… but I just wanted some help… please? I was just wondering where we were and how’d I get here? Lemme in maybe?”

“Fine come in.” Selena sighed as Mac opened the door and walked in.

“Me too” a second voice came from what seemed like out of nowhere.

A dark skinned man with dreads and an accent walked in. He took a look around, slightly confused about his surroundings.

“I don’t know where I’m at either... “ he drifted off. “Oh, and I’m Bob Marley!”

Lisa and Selena sighed to themselves as their new focus was now on the two men in front of them.

Taglist: @lennonwhipped @rogers-flowered-blazer @caviarandqueen @caminc91 @sweet-mother-love @peacelennon

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wonjays · 6 years

Text

Hear Me Out

↣ Woo Wonjae

↣ Requested

↣ Fluff & Angst

Some people claimed that it was easier to get feelings out of a rock than Woo Wonjae but you would be the first to disagree. After two years of a steady relationship both of you had moved in together. Your friends constantly teased you about how slowly you progressed, but it suited both of you.

You know those days when you get up on the wrong side of the bed and cant seem to shake to bad luck and terror that follows you for and unnecessarily long tome? It was one of those days. It started when the hair straightener left a charred mark on you locker this morning followed by sour milk and Weetabix. Wonjae had left for tour three weeks ago and was due back last night but didn’t show up, you presumed that they had gotten back late and that he crashed at one of the guy’s houses but a text would’ve been nice.

Your day didn’t improve. After sending Wonjae a quick text letting him know that you were looking forward to seeing him later you headed out to catch the bus. Upon arriving at the stop you realised that you there were delays in the service and it would subsequently result in you missing your first lecture.

After a long day you arrived home to wonjae’s suitcase in the hallway and smiling to yourself you entered the kitchen hoping to see him. Only you didn’t. What greeted you was what could only be known as a post apocalyptic silence and a mess. Giving him the benefit of the doubt you presumed he was asleep and you proceeded to clean the kitchen.

Two hours later he resurfaced from the bedroom and made his way over to your perch on the couch and you stood up to give him a long overdue hug. Enveloping you in his arms and pecking your forehead he exhaled deeply into your neck. You missed this. You missed him. More than you'd like to admit.

After making your way back to your bedroom for the night you woke up entangled in the sheets, legs intertwined. He stirred next to you turning towards you mutter a quiet “good morning baby”. Smiling in response you gave him a short kiss on the lips before snuggling into his chest, falling back asleep.

When you woke up again, you were met by an empty bed. Getting up and heading in the direction of the living room you saw Wonjae shrugging on a denim jacket.

“Are you heading out?”

“ The guys need me in the studio”. He replied blankly hand on the ready to push it open. Standing there perplexed you questioned him again.

“But you're only back from tour, how can they need you already? I thought we were going to spend today together, I made plans”

He responded with a roll of his eyes and muttered “well you shouldn't have y/n.”

He slammed the door behind him leaving you in a state of shock. What had gotten into him? He was never like this. You knew how important his music was to him, but he was just back. Quickly texting one of your friends you organised to meet her in a coffee shop down the road not wanting to be alone while you were feeling like this.

You didn't realise that when you arrived home to a quiet house when wonjae returned from tour that it would become the norm. If he was there, he would be asleep, otherwise he was in the studio.

After two weeks you decided to confront him about it, you hadn't seen him in days. Waiting up for him to return from the studio, you occupied yourself with rehearsing what you were going to say. You were interrupted by the door opening and wonjae stepping inside.

“What are you doing still up?”

“I wanted to see you. We have to talk”

“I’m tired can we just do it in the morning” he said. Pulling off his hat and jacket heading a-line for the bedroom.

“I would've waited but you would be gone”

“What do you want y/n?”

“Why are you doing this? I never get to see you. You're gone in the mornings, you dont come back until all hours. This isn't how a relationship works Wonjae, I feel like a stranger, at most your housekeeper”.

Stopped in his tracks, Wonjae turned around to face you. “So thats what this is about? You know my music is important to me, if you cant respect that then you're not who I thought you were”

You felt like laughing, did he actually have the audacity to accuse you of that. Getting more worked up, with your voice slight louder you replied, “Are you actually serious? You know more than anything that I understand that but this relationship is not working, I know you love music but you're supposed to love me too. For God’s sake we live together and I hardly ever see you, especially since you came back from tour.”

Simply shrugging he replied, “Well maybe we moved in too soon”. Kicking off his shoes he stepped into the bedroom.

It took everything in you not to burst out into tears on the spot but you couldn't help the one stray that slipped out.

Acting on impulse you began to pack up your things, grabbing a few t-shirts and pairs of jeans from your wardrobe sneaking a glance at wonjae sprawled out on the bed, searching for even an ounce of regret that may be sketched onto his face but nothing to find.

After dialling your brother’s number you waited patiently for him to arrive and pick you up. As he pulled up you sank into the car seat and he didn't question it. He knew something was up but not to push it.

You woke up the next morning disorientated and checked your phone, at the back of your mind was the hope that Wonjae had texted but you had no new notifications. As the days merged into weeks your brother let you stay with him, rent free.

On the way back from college you phone dinged with a message for Jay, inviting you to the after party of the release of his new album on Friday.

Letting out a soft chuckle you responded to the text. After Wonjae was signed you became quite close to the others, Jay in particular and you knew that despite not really wanting to go, you should.

As Friday rolled around you became more and more unenthusiastic anbout the party, but pulling yourself together, you left the house.

After ensuring a man that you were in-fact on the VIP list, you made your way up to the bar to order yourself a drink. Afterwards, drink in hand, you went to go and find jay whilst being pushed from side to side by the masses. After a while it all became too much and you decided to head out onto the balcony for some much needed fresh air.

Leaning across the balcony, looking down at the crowds below, you felt a presence come up beside you. Not needing to look up, you knew it was Wonjae, you could sense it. So the two of you stood in silence for a while. Both of you enjoying the peace and neither wanting to break it. He took out a pack of cigarettes lighting one up and taking a deep inhale. After a minute or so Wonjae began to clear his throat.

“Look y/n, I really dont know where to start”

You knew he was struggling but decided to let him suffer. Out of spite.

“I know I was an ass, and that I made a dick move," you let out a short exasperated breath, “or a few of them, but i’m really sorry. On tour…” he paused before continuing again, “ on tour, it was mental , playing for all the crowd, al the people supporting us, it should have been reassuring but it wasn't.” You wanted to look up at him , encourage him to go on but you knew that it would only put him off. You needed to hear this, and he needed to admit it. Not only to you, but to himself too.

“I felt burdened. All the others have so much experience. They were all helping me along and I couldn't help but feel like a liability. I knew that I needed to work harder. I thought that the only way I could do that was to lock myself in the studio and hope that some magic came out of it. I took what we had for granted and I feel horrible about it y/n. You have to believe me.”

After he finished, he gave you a minute to digest it all.

“Why didn't you text?”

Letting out a deep sigh he answered.

“I tried. I tried so hard but every time I typed something out it was wrong. I figured that you were at your brother’s house so I went there once.”

This was news to you.

“He opened the door but you weren’t home. After that I knew that it was a get out of jail card. If you had’ve been there I wouldn't have known what to say. I still dont but I just decided to tell you the whole truth”

“He never told me.”

“I told him not to.”

You leaded on the banister for support. You didn't know what to do.

“Please, y/n please. Just give me one more chance. I need you.”

Letting out a deep breath you whispered his name. Without a second thought, you turned on your heel and walked out. Just like you had done before.

A week had passed since you encounter at Jay’s party and there was little time when he didn't occupy your thoughts.

It was a Saturday evening and you brother had gone out for beers with his friends so you had the place to yourself and were looking forward to kicking up your feet with some Netflix.

That was until there was a knock on the door. You figured it was the same guy who was called every week without fail to try to sell you new kitchen appliances with a rather shady business card. But upon opening the door you found wonjae stood outside with a bag of what smelled like Mexican and a bottle of coke sporting a cheeky nervous smile.

“You hungry?”

#khh #woo wonjae #AOMG #jaypark #kpop #kpop imagines #ohh imagines #khh imagines #khh scenarios #imagines #scenarios #woo wonjae scenarios #woo wonjae fic #woo wonjae imagines

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actualbird · 6 years

Note

yo you totally made me think about low empathy michael and it like totally makes sense and i think about it a lot when i listen to two player game bc ye like he OBVIOUSLY cares a lot about jeremy and he loves him and like jeremy's stating his problem and michael keeps saying the same solution cause like "that's the answer bro, don't be down" bc he cant wrap his head around the emotions and connect w them that well so in his mind he's just saying this completely fool proof solution i love this hc

yo i got this ask while balls deep in three books of discourse analysis i could only understand by like 10% but because of that was in the mood to just. keep thinking my brain in circles.

so heres a stupidly long answer cataloging canon instances of michael being low empathy af/exhibiting other traits related to this. along with like, characterization to extrapolate from that (at least by my own personal interpretation. obligatory disclaimer that how i see characters is not law, this is just My Take).

but before that, im gonna define some terms outright so we’re all on the same page. empathy is a person’s capability to understand and feel what others are feeling. basically how well you can put yourself in somebody else’s shoes. this shouldnt be confused with sympathy, which is feeling compassion, pity, sorrow etc. for another. empathy is recognition/replication while sympathy is more on the caring about it. here i focus on empathy and the lack of it.

im not an expert on Anything but speaking from experience as somebody who has very low empathy, this causes some complications. when you dont feel what others are feeling, sometimes you dont notice other people’s feelings at all. this results in stuff like bluntness, trouble reading social cues, insensitivity, etc. all things that 1) may happen unintentionally, 2) can be worked through via healthy communication, 3) are not inherently bad, just a result of how one reacts to external emotions and 4) things i totally think michael exhibits because hes a low empathy goblin i love with my whole heart.

let’s get right into it. in more than survive, right after jeremy and michael discover their boyf riend backpacks, this exchange occurs

this seems pretty normal at first glance but it is the first instance of what seems to be michael’s go-to pattern for when he notices his best friend is feeling down, which, at least, kudos to michael, he very obviously noticed jeremy’s feelings. hurrah! so his process for how to fix this goes a little like “step 1: notice jeremy is upset. step 2: cheer jeremy up! step 3: unknowingly kinda mess up step 2“

jeremy is upset about the backpacks but then jeremy provides an out with something supposedly positive. michael latches on to it. it turns out to be negative. michael tries to salvage the situation by cheering jeremy up! by giving him a cool science fact! hell yeah! except it’s a shaky save at best because he does call the both of them losers but in an “it’s okay :D” way.

all in all this is nothing really, just some friendly fast paced banter between best friends. whats important here is the 3 step pattern aforementioned because it 1) shows that michael Cares about his best friend and tries to make things better and 2) is BASICALLY the entirety of two player game

TWO PLAYER GAME is such a BOP and, at its core, is a song about how michael has got jeremy’s back and vice versa. but tpg is also textbook the 3 step pattern with added sprinkle of unintended invalidation. ive briefly spoken about tpg before so this might look a lil familiar but at its gist:

like you said anon, in tpg jeremy tells michael a problem he has, and throughout the course of the song, he continually makes it known that hes upset and has a lot of issues. step 1 has been achieved: michael knows jeremy is not doing too hot. time to do step 2: cheer him up!! and what better way to do that than to think positive with his trademark line “guys like us are cool in college” like, over and over again. because….it makes sense for michael. things might suck now, but just keep swimming yeah? it’ll be better later.

but it’s not better now and thats what jeremy actually needed validation on. michael thinks the solution is to look to the future but jeremy has his problems bothering him in the present. for all that michael says this is a two player game, he’s unintentionally dismissive because he doesnt understand that this isnt something that can be fixed with a simple “look forward to two years from now” mentality. neither of them are in the wrong, really. theyre just not on the same page.

onwards we go to something else entirely. the chili fries

this is a RIDICULOUSLY SMALL MOMENT but it stuck out to me because imo it is pretty obvious that jeremy says “leave me alone” because hes bummed and is being dramatic, but michael takes it literally and uses the opportunity to skedaddle and get his sweet sweet discontinued soda. im aware michael had to be gone for plot reasons and also the discontinued soda is foreshadowing for the mtn dew red, but taken at face value, this is something that happens a lot w/ low empathy: things are taken literally.

jeremy is upset. jeremy said to give him some space. thats cool, i’ll go for a bit and come back with something neat that might cheer him up—hey, where’d he go?

and now let’s jump to something everybody and their dog knows about. michael in the bathroom. except not really. because mitb isnt what interests me so much as what happens before.

pre mitb is very, very interesting. before i say anything i’ll be clear in saying that literally nobody had even remotely a nice halloween night, it’s a disaster for everybody involved, but keep in mind that jeremy goes into the pre mitb scene immediately after the clusterfuck that is do you wanna hang and also getting chased down by a sloshed but aggressive jake. many people have said this before me but i’ll say it again: jeremy was not doing well. at all.

and this is where michael fails step 1 of his pattern. he doesnt pick up on this at all. michael is kinda stuck in his own head right now. hes pissed. hes confused. hes betrayed. he cant understand other people’s feelings and now he has to deal with his own too. his head is a melting pot of AGH and he takes it out on jeremy. yeah, he tries to help jeremy, but he doesnt do it very well. it’s all very accusatory, and jeremy just had a terrible night, so jeremy lashes out.

teenagers are bad at emotions but theyre not bad people for it. //cue mitb notes, we know the drill

to the play!!!

recap for maximum contextualization: jeremy realizes the squip is bad fucking news and wants it gone. michael makes an entrance with the one thing that can kill it. and then this happens

AIGHT okay so the whole “i need an apology” scene is obviously played for comedy, and it does a good job at suddenly diffusing the end of the world stakes with some more down to earth teen friend drama but that aside, this scene is a good candidate to be listed under the definition of the phrase “bad timing” because michael, holy shit. BAD TIMING. like great timing for humor but bad timing as a human being.

here we have jeremy clearly in possessed distress and michael has the antidote but he only wants to give it on a condition. it is absolutely a dick move. yeah, michael is is valid for wanting an apology, but not at this moment with the current stakes. this is michael thinking pretty selfishly. hes stuck in his own head and his own thoughts. he cares about jeremy and wants to help but…this apology important to him. it’s easy to get stuck on things like this when you cant empathize with others. the low empathy means that the only feelings you really get to really interact with are your own, so theres a tendency to focus on them. sometimes even at inopportune moments.

unintentional asshole-ery behold. in fact, this can be pushed even harder by this snippet in the score of be more chill that had some lines from an earlier draft.

the fetus version of michael makes an entrance is hilariously low empathy, oh my god. this happens while jeremy is rolling around on the floor fighting an invisible-to-everybody-else squip and this is the first thing michael says. it’s positively dickish.

SO with that done, a little bit can be extrapolated in terms of characterization. i think michael is low empathy so the dominos fall. michael is terrible at feelings. hes got a tendency to get stuck in his own head and not see what others are going through. his emotional periphery is abysmal, hes like a horse with those things that stop horses from looking to the side. in spite of all this, he still has a lot of love and good in his heart and he tries his best to show that in the ways that make sense to him. post-canon, the rift between his brain and jeremy’s brain can only be bridged by a big healthy heap of communication where michael learns that what makes sense to him isnt always what makes sense to other people. hes a good kid. he can do it.

of course this is, again, all my take. the fun thing about transformative work and fandom is that all interpretations are valid and there will always be somebody out there who agrees. or disagrees. but on this blog, this is my michael. or at least one aspect of my michael. //shrug

ANYWAY im glad you like the hc anon!! ive obviously got a lot of feelings about it since i used your ask as an excuse to aimlessly ramble for, holy shit, 1.6 k words lmao. i hope you have a good day!!!

#be more chill #bmc #i spent too much time typing this so it's getting tagged #if i had to type all this you have to scroll past all of it. ive never used a readmore in my life #i havent written most of this into fic yet but i want to. desperately #hc

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hopesanpedro · 5 years

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Createurs - We Exist

I have the pleasure of being in the presence of talented and passionate artists and musicians most of the time and it’s, for me, is one of the best things in my life. Friends, I call these people.

Last Saturday, one of the bands I looked out for in the past years launched their first album – We Exist. Createurs, which is apparently the French word of creators which is already so beautiful when you think about it in itself, is a collaborative band telling the stories of the monsters not just under our beds but also the ones inside our heads, even the ones that are chasing us, through the music of different people. They have also collaborated with different visual artists for each of their song and those artworks were also featured in the lyrics booklet with their CD.

We Exist album has 12 well-written tracks that speaks of the eerie, the enchanting, the damned, and the mystery of the entirety of life. Yes, life.

Now, I’m not going to pretend like I’m some music expert and give you guys a review of their album. I am, however, going to share with you my thoughts on each and favorite lyrics from the tracks in it.

1. Pancake (Re)Mix

This one’s a little too close to my heart. Remember the artworks I’ve mentioned earlier? I made one for them and it was for this song. I think this is the most outright cheesy song they have in their album. But even so, it wasn’t the corny kind. I described this one as “colorful” when I first heard it. It’s exactly the reason why I was careful on putting too much color in the artwork, I didn’t want to take the colors from the song – I wanted it to be as serene and innocent as the song.

“Flying with time just to witness your smile. And I, oh I’m falling down tonight”

We all know the feeling of being all chummy giddy soft inside like we swallowed a whole damn litter of puppies and they won’t stop making you melt from the inside and that’s what this song makes you feel like – kilig. Oh young, new, love.

2. Tides and Lifelines

Okay, just reading the title you’d get an idea of what this song is about. This song reminds me of a lyric from one of my most favorite band ever ever; “love is watching someone die”. (fine it’s from What Sarah Said by Death Cab For Cutie). I think this is one of the songs Createurs wrote and it speaks about mortality and how we deal with it.

“We’re the bullet in each other’s gun, shoot the angels that would take us apart”

Just read those lines. I don’t want to even think how hard it is to be so desperate and helpless in trying to help someone so dear in the brink of death. Ouch, I’m just gonna go and cry for a while.

3. Teragram Carnivale

“Shadows fall on rooms like this, where the sun and the moon collide, with your eyes that once were my carousel rides”

I feel like we all can relate to this song in some way. It has to be relevant to every one of us at some point in our lives. We all wanted to believe in something that has grew its root around our hearts and got a little too caught up in the roller coaster rides. I think this song brings you back to that particular time to make you realize that the past never changes and they never go away. Definitely in my top 3.

4. Facemask

I think I’ve played this song one too many times when they uploaded this on spotify before. Mostly because of its catchiness and its angst. Lol sorry I know, I can’t think of a better way to describe it. You can actually feel the song’s anger and disappointment wrapped in some sort of vengeful feeling.

I liked the lines “You’re only fooling yourself, messing everyone’s head. A catfish, a sly dish, the culprit, gets blown kiss”

In this digital era, anything and everything can be edited or lied about and it gets sickening when someone or a group of people manipulate others by lying to them about important things. Technology is a beautiful thing if used for good, but there is some greed in humanity that uses it for something else entirely.

5. Trigger Warning

“It’s the beginning and it’s the end. When all the light has been set, a warning when night is at best.”

I feel like this song was supposed to be in the beginning? It would have been nice to have heard this intro to all their haunting songs, both in a good and eerie way. It’s like the ones you hear when you watch a horror movie that gives you chicken skin and cool fog kinda vibes. It’s a mood setter, a look into the mirror of our own self. It asks you to look inside and acknowledge that you are one of these monsters you are so scared of.

6. The Curious Life of Mr. Hyde II: The Mexicat

This song is still in my everyday playlist. It’s been there since I’ve met Rain the night they played for WAT Up the first time and I got sucked into their music. Oh god I have so many favorite lines from this song!! It’s about mental issues and it perfectly sings the chaos that is in one’s head. They wrote this to try and explain how complicated it is to be in the state of unstable mental health in a very poetic way.

Here are my top 3 lines (YESS BECAUSE I CANT CHOOSE OKAY?? ☹ ); “The colorful imagery of dancing audacity”, “Conversing with my demons, addicted to the tone”, “I haven’t got a martini or any kind of whiskey, But baby you’re my margarita, drunk in love with you”.

Welp. Let’s just say I love the entire lyrics ugh

7. Pianocktail

OH THIS! I love this one. This reminds me of my other favoritest band forever – Panic! At The Disco. The story within and the sophistication in this one is something that’s imprinted into my fanatic heart (awow).

“The taste has never been this condescending. A drink to be made by the one and only pianocktail!”

Ah, there’s nothing more tripping than an uncertainty for something you’ve had for so long.

8. Chat Box From Alaska

“She’s a part-time lover and a beautiful liar, plagued with her broken words and empty promises. Cornered by the pillars of her comfort and embrace, making out with someone better, someone smoother, someone tastier”

I feel like this song is basically for fuck girls who manipulates people for sex by leading people on and leaving them just as fast. I think the last part of this song was written by Rain as a poem years and years ago? Nevertheless, it ended the song so smoothly.

9. Awful Things the Moon Saw

This song makes me think of obsessive lovers or past ones that refuses to let it go. Maybe it’s also us when we hold on a little too tight on something that’s already slipping away.

“Well you know you’ve got me haunted by your scent, Now I find myself begging and falling for you more and more.”

It is also kind of a lullaby to me for some reason, I can sleep soundly with this one playing hehe

10. St. Cecille

This one’s also in my playlist since I’ve first heard it. I think I read the story behind (or at least heavily connected) this song, written by the vocalist. He has a lot of passion, idk ask him. JK!!!!

"Rhyme our thoughts in this waltzing dreams. Time stops when you are around. You’re the one I’ve been talking about on the song of roads and hearts”

I wish I can share with you guys the link to the story but I’m not sure if he’d like that. Anyway, this love song is right up my alley – mysterious, magic, and love? Hell yas.

11. Bloodstream

All I can say about this is that I am so excited for the story to come out because I want to look more into it. Twilight’s werewolves just left the building.

“Chaotic, poetic, and overly narcissistic. Hypnotic, agnostic, but slightly optimistic. Out of the forest to Manila fucking buses. It’s a tale about a man who waltzed among carcasses.”

It’s a midnight story!

12. Stellar Memories

The first song, besides the ones I’ve already heard before of course, that caught my attention in the album was this one. It’s a desperate attempt to preserve something we believe in and wish for its memories to last up to our end.

“Set up the fire and let’s dance around the house. Then watch it burn down like the dreams we fought so hard to get. If this is it, hope higher, ‘cause we’ll hide from the world and never make a….”

I feel like this is the best song to end the album with because I didn’t want it to end and I just kept it on loop for all its entirety because I liked each song.

I’ve already wrote a (lengthy) Instagram post about their well thought branding and packaging but I also want to commend them for the bomb line up and organized launch! Page Four Production reminded me so much of the first gigs of WAT UP and made me miss the team. From promotions to media exposures, to the materials! I look forward to attending gigs they’d come up with!

I won’t ask for more releases so soon because I want to savor this album and all its stories. I’ve already heard the Part I of Mr. Hyde and it’s Createurs’ gift to everyone who attended their launch so if you are curious, wait for the next album maybe it’d be included there.

This album will always have a special place in my heart. It’s definitely worth the long wait. Congrats, Createurs!

Listen to them on Spotify and follow them on their social media pages to be updated!

#hopesanpedro #new music #createurs #night life #we exist #art #music

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iamtaekooked · 6 years

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Stardust || Pt 2 || JJk

Genre: Soulmate AU! Red string of fate au!

{Part 1 here }

Word count: 4.5 k

Summary:

You didn’t believe in soulmates until you lay your eyes on Jeon Jeongguk, the younger brother of your best friend’s husband. That is when you see the red string which begins encircled around your pinky and ends in his.

A/N: Right so I am just going to leave this here. I don’t even know if this is good enough! but for the sake of my mental health I hope you guys like it :)

Summer of 2013, Vienna

Graduating feels like such an accomplishment that you decide to reward yourself.

“Lets go to Vienna” you announce one day while lying on the sand at the beach, being subjected to gawks and stares by your friends. You figure that after graduating your life would become mundane, the boring 9-5 every single day with no opportunity given to enjoy the few moments of beauty life spared.

You watch the shocked looks on their face fade into those of happy smiles as soon as they see the reasoning behind your sudden announcement. The last trip of freedom you dub the journey and spend all your savings on buying tickets to Vienna. With an almost empty bank account, but a full heart you begin on your journey . Youth and impulsivity is such an overplayed concept and so shamed but there is a certain beauty in taking risks. There is a certain thrill in letting go of all preconceived notions, beliefs, expectations that you cannot help but feel a little rebellious.

Your initial few days consist of you lounging around in your hotel room due to the jet lag but as your body adjusts to the change you begin to venture outside, exploring the beautiful attractions the place has to offer. You don’t waste a single second after that holed up in your room, but instead spend even the early hours of dawn in the hustle and bustle of the city. Some days your accommodation is a bench in some random park, and some days you find yourself passed out in some night bar, with lipstick smudged and hair a mess.

Your friends don’t bother you much, even though it is a group vacation because they are aware how important your space and freedom is to you. You explore the cityscape sometimes by yourself, and sometimes by making acquaintance with a local and getting more benefit and enjoyment than you could have with a commercialized guide.

You are having the time of your life with your worries pushed to the back of your mind and the sole purpose at present being rebellious in your youth and charm that you find yourself drawn to a music festival.You drag some of your reluctant friends to the concert with the bribe that you would later do what they wanted and quit being picky.

Though you will never understand the language, the music itself is enough to drown you in a state of euphoria. You sway to the music like a person lost touch with sanity and let your mind drift deeper with the adrenaline pumping through your veins. The music vibrating through the surrounding space isn’t the only encouragement, for the beer you have been sipping on for the past two hours also contributes to your current state.

You don’t feel drunk, but you do feel buzzed enough to let loose and enjoy your time. Raising your arms above your head you move your body with the thumping music, and feel it hit your chest. Your feel it hit your ears with a force and you drown into the music once more. But your ecstasy is short lived when someone accidentally spills their beer on the back of your shirt while trying to pass through.

Irritably you turn around to scold the person but stop short when you find yourself faced with a handsome young man. Your body begins to burn up in his presence and you feel like a fire has been ignited in you, the soaking shirt already forgotten. Maybe your mind is playing tricks on you because of the alcohol but you could swear you saw a spark of fire in his eyes. Or maybe its the light reflecting that gives the illusion but whatever the case may be, his eyes are as deep as the ocean and filled with so much wonder and passion, you find it hard to look away.

You two stand staring at each other in the midst of the vibrating music, and dancing sweaty bodies. He is the first to break out of the trance as he apologizes for ruining your shirt and quite possibly your night. But you refrain from telling him that he has possibly made your night instead of ruining it. You feel a pull towards him, but its not lust. Its not physical. You feel it in your bones, you feel it in your stomach, you feel it in your chest and its the kind of feeling you get when someone takes your breath away. You feel drawn to him and you cant help it.

So you smile in return and shake your head, acknowledging his apology but also conveying your forgiveness. He extends his hand forward the intention being an apology and an introduction.

Your eyes travel the expanse of his forearm and you see a vein bulge, which causes you to gulp. You quickly make haste and look away, placing your hand in his. You feel something similar to tingling you’ve read about in books, but its not the same thing. It’s like an itching sensation that travels up your arm and ends in your spine. His hand is gentle, wrapped around yours and his fingers slightly rub the skin of your palm.

He nods and slips his hand out of yours and in the moment of parting your fingers brush against each others before both of your hands fall at your sides. It reminds you of cheesy movies, and romantic poems. His eyes suddenly divert to his hand as you watch his face take on a shocked expression for a split second and if you hadn’t been watching, you would have missed it.

“Everything okay?” you ask in concern but when he smiles and nods, you feel it slipping away being replaced by a sense of happiness.

He takes you to the back of the wide open space where the music isn’t as loud and its easier to have a conversation. Finding a good spot to sit on, you take a seat next to him, ensuring some distance remains between you two. Its not because it makes you uncomfortable but because you know that you might end up doing something you shouldn’t. And for some reason you get the sense that he wouldn’t stop you either , and if his gentle stares and stolen glances are any indication he is interested too.

He is a stranger and you don’t know what to ask him. If he was someone else you might have started a conversation but with him you cant seem to find the right words. He is a stranger but this stranger makes you spell bound. You realize you can’t look at him for longer than two seconds because then your stomach flips and nervousness builds up. At least before him, you want to put up a confident front, no matter what goes on inside.

He breaks the silence first.

“Are you travelling or do you live here?” he looks at you, but the moment your eyes meet he is the first one to look away. You find it cute that his face flushes red, and he fidgets with his fingers because then you don’t feel so alone with your feelings.

“Just travelling. Wanted to get away” you stop yourself because you find words at the tip of your tongue that are dangerous to divulge to a stranger. That too a handsome stranger.

He nods, and takes a sip of his beer side eyeing you again. You chuckle at his naivety.

“You?”

“I thought I would find my soulmate here” his laugh sounds like a mocking at his own words. But his straightforward answer takes you by surprise.

“Did you?” you ask, your heart sinking because you didn’t want him to have a soulmate. If he did then it would somehow hurt you.

It was absurd because you knew nothing about the man, yet you felt an inexplicable connection to him, a connection you couldn’t explain in words. It was this white hot feeling. The feeling to hold him, to kiss him, to have him and to call him your own. It was the feeling of your soul calling out to his as if they were lovers in a past life. It was as if an invisible object tethered you to him in some way and at some point during your reverie you thought you lost your mind because it couldn’t be possible. Was this what they called love at first sight?

Soulmates didn’t exist and the people who claimed they did and claimed to have found one had simply turned to wishful thinking and hope because imagination and hope always masked away the pain. Because to remain sane, people would turn to all sorts of things to keep from falling apart.

“Yes” he whispers his answer but he isn’t looking at you while confirming your worst fear, instead he is looking out into the distance towards the stage where the band is playing.

“Oh” you reply and take a sip of your drink to swallow away the lump growing in your throat.

“Oh..” he mimics you

Turning around at the same time your eyes lock. You look away first but you can still sense his eyes on you.

“Stop looking at me like that” you whisper taking a sip of your beer to soothe your parched throat

“Like what? This” he moves even closer and you can feel his breath hitting your cheek.

“So do you really see the crimson string then?” you ask him trying to normalize the tense atmosphere because it feels like you will explode from all the emotions you are trying to hold back

“Yea I do. But its twisted on itself. That can’t mean anything good” he sighs through his nostrils looking solemnly at the ground, finally letting some distance fall between you two for which you feel bitterly thankful.

“You’re lucky you are one of the few people who can see it”

“It can be a curse you know because I see it everywhere, but when it came to me its tangled up”

You nod in understanding of his point of view.

“Maybe that just means you will find your soulmate sometime in the future again. Maybe its a test of your love” you beam at him, and he reciprocates the smile.

“Yeah maybe”

“Does your soulmate know?”

“I am not sure” he smiles at you, looking straight into your eyes.

Your brows furrow at his vague answer because neither is that a yes nor a direct no. But you refrain from pushing because you know its none of your business and some lines should never be crossed.

While you are busy looking out towards the stage in some distance, he is busy looking at you. His lips are turned up at the corners in a slight smile.

“What will you do if you find your soulmate?” he asks so suddenly that your automatic response is to tilt your head in confusion

“I don’t know” you chuckle and his heart drops. Your response isn’t what he expects but he pretends to be okay with it.

“What if he’s handsome? Like me?”

You laugh before responding. “Well aren’t you one for subtlety”

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you looking at me” he teases and his bashful tone causes your cheeks to heat up.

“You’re right. I have been looking at you. So what?” you try your hardest to hold eye contact with him despite the anxious feeling rising in your stomach

“So I think you like me” he playfully smirks

“What if I say I do?” you arch an eyebrow in question surprised at your own confidence. But you know you are confident because he is reciprocating the subtle playfulness behind your words. It gives away his interest and if he hadn’t been so complying to your coquettish ways you wouldn’t have been so open.

“I don’t think my soulmate would like that very much” he tries to hold in his smile and you watch his lip quivering but he covers it up by pulling his lip between his teeth.

“Would you like it though?”

“I don’t know. Do you want me to?” he smiles lopsidedly and you know he’s turned the tables onto you

“You have a way with words you know?” You look away and let your eyes fall to the ground

“You don’t sound that impressed though” he flashes his eyebrows

“Thats because I am not” you lie but you have no choice because you he cant know how he makes you feel. He already has a soulmate.

“Sure if you say so” he shrugs but its clear that he knows

“What are we doing right now?” you narrow your eyes at him in curiosity

“Talking?” his tone raises at the end making the statement into a question. But even behind his question you can tell he is being a tease since he knows exactly what you mean.

You look at him with your eyebrow cocked up and head tilting to the side.You know he knows. And he knows you know. But neither of you wants to say it.

Its flirting at its best and neither of you is in the mood to give up. But you are hit by the icy realization that he has a soulmate. For some reason that hurts. Its fucked up because you don’t even know him and yet you’ve cultivated some kind of feeling for him and its definitely not in the platonic end.

“Would you tell me if I asked you your name?” you look up at him and he breaks out into laughter.

“Depends” and your brows furrow to relay your confusion.

“I mean I don’t want to tell you my name if it happens that we never meet each other again. How about we settle on being nameless strangers who bump into each other on a whimsical night?”

The proposition doesn’t sound bad at all because you know that you are probably never going to see this man again. Knowing his name would just make it that much hard to forget him after your time with him is over. Its always been easy for you to forget faces rather than names so you whole heartedly agree with his idea.

“Nameless strangers it is” you nod in approval and the blinding smile on his face is back.

“Tell you what if we ever meet again in this life I’ll tell you my name and then you’ll have to go out on a date with me” his eyebrows are raised in question, but you know he is being playful about it because there is no way you would ever see him again.

“What if we’re married by then, you know to different people?”

“I doubt it, but okay” he shrugs

“Why do you doubt it? You can’t see the future can you?” You joke and he is quick to catch on. “No. But how do you know we will be?” You sigh in response because he’s turned the tables again. He really does have a way with words.

“Why a date?” your curiosity and increasing interest get the best of you because his proposition is mysterious at best.

“Doesn’t the story always end with the guy asking the girl out on a date?”

You shake your head at his naively romantic logic but you cant refute it either because a part of you wishes to see him again and take him up on his offer.

“Fine. If we ever meet again lets go out on a date” you extend your hand forward and he takes it, sealing the deal in place.

As if remembering something you fumble in your pocket and when you pull your hand out, clutched in your fist is a piece of paper. You extend your fist in his direction and open it revealing the crumpled piece of paper.

“Take this” you open your palm fully laying out the paper flat.

“What is this?”

“Its my favourite poem. It fits your situation. You should have it, as a symbol of hope and all you know for your future” he stares at the paper in your hand and then back at you. At your nod he takes the paper and reads over the inked words, a smile growing on his lips in recognition of the similarity between the words and his circumstance. You don’t whether you give to him as a keepsake to remember you by and maybe one day find you again or whether you really want to him to keep it as a symbol of hope.

“It does fit. Thank you” he carefully folds the paper neatly and places it in his pocket.

Then you say goodbye to him because your friends drag you away as night falls and your flight has to leave. You say goodbye feeling crestfallen because although it was a short lived meeting you became fond of him.

Present Day

You stare at him and it feels as if time has come to a standstill. The night when you had abruptly left, there was a certain pain behind the goodbye so much so that you chose to forget about the it all together rather than let him remain a fragment in your memory ; as part of the countless people you had encountered in your life. Simply put he wasn’t just a single encounter to you, he meant something you couldn’t define or identify.

So you let him get buried deep into your consciousness and until this night you never thought you would remember him again. You never liked the idea of soulmates before, but now it had a certain appeal because fate brought him back to you again. Like a sense of deja vu, the feelings you felt the night you met him for the very first time resurfaced.

He smiles down at you, and you see the fire in his eyes once more. But this time you are not buzzed and you know that what you are seeing is real.

“I remember now. We talked about your soulmate” you look at him and once again the empty feeling from that night makes it way into your heart, the cold spreading like a chill through your body.

“We did” he chuckles and nods his head at the ground.

“What happened?” and as you utter these words your heart feels heavy like it had all those years ago. Nothing has changed since then.

“I found her, but she still doesn’t seem to know who I am and who she is”

“She seems a bit dumb” you laugh to try and make the atmosphere feel less tense.

“Speak for yourself”

“Hmm? What?”

He didn’t know if it was the many years he spent apart searching for you or if its was this sudden wave of overwhelming emotions rolling over him.

“Do you seriously not see the string?” he brings his pinky up and you stare at it for a few moments slowly shaking your head at being met with nothing but his finger. But then you abruptly stop when you see a flash of red appearing around his finger. You gasp in shock as you see it tied around around his little finger and as you run your eyes along its length you stop when you see it ending around your finger.

Then everything begins to fall into place. The unexplainable allure you felt towards him all those years ago and once again now. The feelings of bitter disappointment at the mention of his soulmate, and the itch to keep him in your sight begins to make sense. Its because he is your soulmate and all these years you were blind to it.

“Di- did you see it that night?” you pause “In Vienna I mean”

He nods and immediately guilt washes over you. You even gave him your favourite poem and now you realized how ironic and mocking it was.

“Why didn’t you say anything”

“You asked me if I had found my soulmate but at that time I didn’t even know what that meant. I just saw this red piece of thread between us and I didn’t think it meant anything because you couldnt even see it. Until today atleast I didnt think it meant anything”

“What do you mean?”

“You see that poem you had given me. I had lost it. I misplaced it in some library book and I went every day to the library to check whether it was there and it wasn’t. I went every day for the past 3 years. Every single day and I didn’t find it until today when I saw it in one of Hyung’s journals. I don’t know how it ended up there but I remembered you said to think of it as a symbol of finding my soulmate in the future. I did” he then pulls out the piece of paper which has turned a bit yellow and torn on the corners.

“If you came to me with a face I have not seen, with a voice I have never heard, I would still know you. Even if centuries separated us, I would still feel you. Somewhere between the sand and the stardust, through every collapse and creation, there is a pulse that echoes of you and I”

You feel tears pool in your eyes as he reads the poem. You chuckle feeling bittersweet because the poem really fits your story.

“See I told you it fits” he steps forwards, placing his arms behind your waist and pulling you closer. He rests his head against yours, gently caressing your cheek with his fingers and wiping the stray tears on your cheek.

“I found you. Again” he presses his lips against your forehead in a soft feathery kiss that causes a tumultuous response in your stomach but you don’t care because he’s found you and you’ve found him.

“Took you long enough” you press your hands against his letting them lace together.

“Oh come on babe, look whose talking. At least I tried. You didn’t even try. You forgot me” he accuses you but the playful tone in his voice is evident.

Out all all the words he said babe stuck out the most so it felt best to make some sort of comment on it.

“Seriously. Babe? Isn’t it a bit too early for all that. Besides we don’t even know each others names. Remember?” You look at him questioningly

“I am Jeongguk and I am crazy in love with you. Happy?” he extends his hand.

“I am y/n. And I cant believe I have cheese for a soulmate because thats the cheesiest thing anyone has ever said to me” you place your hand in his, and he gently squeezes it. Just as you had assumed your body begins to burn, and a tingling warmth spreads from your head to your toes and it almost takes your breath away.

“Aren’t you forgetting something else?” he looks at you questioningly, but at the same time he is trying to bite back the smile that threatens to break out.

“What?”

“That date we talked about. Babe” he adds at the end.

“Isn’t this date-y enough for you? And seriously.. babe again?” you give him a look that speaks of your disbelief at his boldness but then thats nothing new. He was probably born like that and you wouldn’t be surprised if ends up confirming that statement.

“I didn’t know you were the traditional type. Fine how about sweetheart instead of babe. Plus this is nothing y/n I would give you the world” he tries to contain his smile at your expression which conveys your dislike and disgust; a scrunch of the nose accompanied by a frown. You really can’t believe he is that cheesy.

“Just give up already” you laugh and he presses a kiss to your cheek.

“No” then he kisses your other cheek. “Never” he places a kiss on your nose. “Babygirl” he lays a soft peck on your lips

You suddenly remember his flirtatious ways and cannot help but ask him about it.

“Why did you flirt with me that night despite being unsure of what the whole deal meant?”

“Just because I wasn’t sold on the long term deal back then, doesn’t mean I wasn’t attracted to you-” he pauses and moves closer to your ear. “Babygirl” he finishes with the word which makes your cheeks taint a bright shade of pink.

“Are you sold on the long term deal now?” you hold your breath for his answer.

He ponders the question for a few moments looking heavenward with his eyes scrunched in question.

“Hmmm… Too bad for you babygirl even if you wanted to get rid of me I am not going anywhere” he shakes his head

“You might not but what if I fall for someone else” you tease but your smile falters when you see the expression on his face darken abandoning all traces of the playful smile earlier.

“Then you are just ensuring that person’s end. Don’t make me a killer y/n because I want to live a long life with you. Together” he adds after a small pause and the smile is back on his face.

His response elicits a laugh from you and he watches with something akin to admiration and fondness in his eyes. The way your eyes crinkle when you smile and the sound of your laughter fills his heart with so much warmth. It sounds like music, feels like home and tastes like love. So he stands still and revels in the beauty that he thinks in your presence and your existence. And for a moment or two he wishes time freezes so he can look at you to his heart’s content. So that he can memorize every detail of your face until it is as clear as crystal in his mind.

In that moment he wishes to shower you with all the love he had kept safe in his heart for the day that he finally meets you again.

The familiarity and the normality of your flirtatious conversation fills you with a sense of deja vu. It happened before in Vienna and its happening again.

Your stomach erupts in butterflies as he smiles down at you and the image resurfaces in your head like a distant memory, a distant dream hidden away. You are hit with the realization that you fell in love with him that night not knowing he was your destined partner.

But maybe that’s what being soulmates is all about ; feeling drawn to the other person even without the knowledge of who they truly are. Maybe that is the pull of the thread connecting him to you. For the man you had yearned for in a different place, in a different time, under different circumstances was once again stood in front of you.

“Look” he whispers as he looks down at your hands and you watch in awe as the thread unwinds ,slowly unknotting , and in the process binding your love.

“This reminds me of another poem. Wanna hear it?” he groans as he throws his head back.

“One poem caused me enough problem. I don’t want another one”

“Its really poetic and beautiful, hear me out”

He loves you too much to say no and the look of childlike joy and excitement on your face compels him to comply. So he wraps a tight arm around your waist and looks at you with such love and fondness that it makes his heart quiver. He walks beside you as you recite the poem :

“I don’t know how you are so familiar to me or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place, some other existence”

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