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notroosterbradshaw · 1 year

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Miss You Most... at Christmas Time [one shot]

about: Rooster never thought he’d have it all; and as his deployments extend, he feels it all slipping through his fingers. TBE/TRE universe.

word count: 6.3k

part of: The Boyfriend Experience universe

warnings: nsfw 18+, language, angst, smut, fluff.

masterlist.

Rooster watched you nod slowly, your stare blank as he told you it would be another fortnight before he was home. His deployment had been extended yet again.

“It’s already been four months,” you replied unevenly, unable to see any reason in his words. “You were supposed to be home a month ago. You’re going to miss Christmas,” the accusations in your voice light, but threatening to bubble over as you blinked back tears.

He knew. Dear God he knew.

“You know how it goes, sweet girl…” he said quietly, patiently although he felt everything except it.

Yeah, you knew how it was too.

“Is she sleeping?” he asked softly as you nodded.

“Yeah.”

“I only have a few minutes; can I see her?” he begged quietly.

“Of course,” you crawled out of bed and tiptoed to the crib a few feet away.

“I hate that I’ve missed all of this…” he said miserably as you carefully put the phone over your two-month-old daughter’s crib. “I just can’t wait to meet her.”

“I know,” you said quietly, not wanting to wake her, your tenderly sleeping babe. You gently brushed a tuft of hair from her forehead. “She can’t wait to meet her Daddy either.”

He sighed. “Fuck. I gotta go. Can you please give me two more weeks, Momma?” he begged as you looked back at him and could see the tears in his eyes, threatening to spill. Because if this was hard for you, it was a fuckload worse for him. “Please?” his voice watery.

You brought the camera back to your face and nodded simply. He could see the sadness etched all over it and it only made him feel worse. “We’ll be waiting.”

He gave you a soft smile. “I love y-,” the screen went blank before you could answer and if the timing was crueller, grizzling snapped you back to reality like clockwork for baby Bradshaw’s 2am feed.

You picked the little one before she got too unruly and kissed her soft cheek. If there was ever a more perfect face, you realised moving to the rocker at the window and taking a seat, cradling her protectively. You carefully adjusted yourself and she latched, feeding, while you cried to yourself.

“Maybe I’m just not cut out for this anymore…” you sighed as you sat on a blanket in the yard with Natasha a week or so later, the afternoon sun setting and tummy time for the little one with Natasha was happily joining her. “But every time I think I’m ready to leave, I cannot imagine being with anyone else but Bradley, you know?”

Natasha gave a gentle smile from where she lay, your little one staring up at her with her big eyes. “You guys are far too solid for that. I don’t know a man that is in love more than Rooster is with you. And I don’t know a woman who is stronger than you to put up with it.”

“I don’t tolerate it by choice. We agreed he would retire last year after we got married and along came another promotion and he’s just been so absorbed with it all.”

She nodded, knowingly. “It’s all he knows. It’s all we all know, you included.”

“Well, it’s gotta be time for him to learn this little one, right?”

“I agree with you,” she said. “Trust me, he knows. And he will make it up to you. Both of you.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Dawn,” she confirmed. “Are you sure you’ll be okay another few days?”

“Yeah,” you brushed the notion away confidently. “Can’t believe you’re both missing her first Christmas though,” you sighed. “Won’t be the same without you.”

“Yeah, that sucks but I’ll call to see this little angel,” Natasha agreed, kissing her finger and gently pressing it to your little one’s forehead then moved to stand. “I have to go because being around her is making me think I could have one and it’s really not in my short-term plans,” she laughed.

“I’ve recently found out that it’s actually not just a short-term thing,” you joked as she grinned widely.

“Can’t just put it back where you found it, huh?”

“Apparently not,” you laughed and hugged each other. “Thank you for coming to see us.”

“Of course,” Natasha replied. “It’s only a few more days,” she reminded you.

“Yeah, and it’s action-packed. Oscar’s kindergarten nativity play tonight,” you bent down and picked up your little miss. “Wrap some presents, keep Mama sleep-deprived for when Daddy is home, so we will both be exhausted. My God, I feel so old.”

“Well, you look gorgeous, and coffee will keep you going for another little while. I better go, few more errands to go. If you need anything, please call your sister or hell, Jake is in town if you’re really desperate, even for the company, okay.”

“You want me to call Hangman?” you asked her incredulously.

“Yeah, I take it back,” she snorted, bopping her goddaughter’s little nose and began to leave. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas... be safe,” you called after her, waving the little’s miss’ hand. “Bye, Aunty Natasha.”

She gave a big smile, disappearing down the side of the house and out of your gaze. And it was just you two again. You sat on the picnic blanket and rolled to your back, your little girl snuggling into your chest.

“Are you excited to meet Dada?” you asked. “He’s so excited to meet you. I probably won’t get a look in, there’s a new lady in Bradley Bradshaw’s life,” you giggled softly. “You can go to sleep,” you stroked her soft hair and sighed. “Then we will try and keep ourselves busy until Dada gets home.”

Dropping his bag at the door, Rooster called out for you. Your car was in the drive, but the house was eerily quiet. Maybe you’d taken baby girl for a stroll? Were you napping? Not quite the homecoming he wanted, but he was home early, and he wanted to surprise you.

He smiled fondly at the tree in the living room that you’d trimmed with the utmost care, the gentle white lights fading in and out against the golden glare of the afternoon sun flooding in.

He continued through the house, his boots echoing against the hardwood as he entered the kitchen. Nothing happening in there either. He sighed, going to the fridge and eager to taste anything aside from carrier food on his tongue. Beer. Sweet release, he grinned, opening it and tossing the cap on the benchtop, his eyes catching movement in the backyard with you basking in the golden afternoon sun with his baby girl in your strong arms, tracing her skin.

His wife and his daughter.

It was the most beautiful sight he’d seen.

His breath caught as he put the bottle down and stoically made his way to the backdoor, your back to him as he called your name. “Sweet girl, love…”

You froze. You were either finally going crazy, or your husband had wrangled an early return and didn’t tell you… so you’d have to kill him because you knew the house resembled a war zone. Turning slowly, you were on your feet before you could answer him and, in his arms, even quicker. “Oh, my God, Bradley,” you said, the tears that had been spilling constantly since he left drenching into his uniform.

“Oh, baby,” he lifted your chin and gazed into your eyes, thumbing away your tears. “I’m home, sweetheart,” he kissed you deeply. Not hungry, not as desperate as you felt, but forcing the kiss he missed giving you every day since he departed. “I missed you so much,” he said, but you knew he was distracted by the bundle in your arms.

“Want to say hi, Dada?” you asked gently as you heard him give a shaky breath. Maybe you weren’t the only one crying. He nodded.

“Very much,” he replied as he readied his arms for you to guide his infant daughter into them. “Oh, my God. She is the littlest thing. Oh, Momma, she is a rare beauty,” he looked at you and grinned. “I think I’ve fallen in love again.”

You laughed quietly, your hand rubbing an encouraging circle on his lower back and snuggling into his strong bicep. “We did pretty well, if I say so myself,” you had to laugh. “But she’s all you.”

“You think?” he inspected his daughter’s delicate features and she looked at him, a tired yawn escaping her little mouth and Rooster’s breath hitched, enamoured with her little beeps and chirps. She wriggled and writhed, and Rooster looked at you, panicked.

“Can’t get out of this one,” you told him with a giggle. “She’s your problem now, Bradshaw.”

“She’s so beautiful.”

You hummed, a little more in love with Rooster as he gazed at your girl. He was just enamoured. “Shit. I’m gonna have to buy a shotgun,” he realised as you shook your head. “You’re sure we don’t need a gun?”

“Never been more certain of anything in my life.”

“Okay,” he adjusted his posture, and she found his index finger and latched to it in her strong baby grip. “Do you think she knows who I am?”

“She probably knows your smell,” you shrugged, not adding that you’d left one of his t-shirts in her crib so she knew exactly what his scent was. “But she knows you,” of this you were certain. You were surprised as he reached down and kissed you, tenderly.

“I love you. I am so in love,” he said. “Can we just stay out here? Just the three of us?” he asked quietly.

“Of course,” you led him back to the picnic blanket and you lay back down on your back, your boobs starting to get uncomfortable, and you cursed quietly.

“You okay?” he took a seat, crossing his long legs and staring intently at the most perfect face he’d ever seen. His heart raced, but this he couldn’t regulate. He had loved his daughter from the moment you told him you were pregnant, but he’d be lying to say there wasn’t a disconnect with her born while he was serving.

This was a feeling he’d never felt before and he’d never felt so protective of anything in his life.

You used your palms to help lift the ache in your breasts. “Sore boobs. I either have to pump or feed her soon. That’s my life now. I’m a milkmaid.”

He laughed quietly. “Are you in pain?” his gaze dropped to your chest, although he noticed the new swell the second he saw you. He licked his lips and distracted himself. It was not the time.

“Not unmanageable,” you told him. “Do I look different?”

“Yes,” he smiled sweetly. “You are a little curvier, but in all the right places. Fuckin’ delicious, actually.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re lucky you’ve got that face and body, Bradley.”

He giggled softly. “What do you want me to say? Yes, your body has changed. It kept our baby safe for nine months. I’ve always been obsessed with your body, trust me when I say, I am always gonna be turned on by you and cannot wait to explore.”

You held back a smile. “Knock it off,” you warned, body warm under his gaze. You reached for his hand, and he kissed it, both his girls now in his hold. “Do you have any time off?”

He nodded with a small smile. “I put leave in. Until New Year.”

“Oh, my goodness. That will be the longest we’ve spent without work distracting us since our honeymoon,” you said surprised.

He raised an eyebrow. “You got plans for me, love?”

“Oh yeah, I am going to sleep so well and you’re going to do all the overnight feeds and change all the poopy diapers. Get acquainted really quickly,” you teased.

He winked. “Do it in a heartbeat anyway.”

“Famous last words. Famous last… words.”

“You don’t have to come; I know you’re exhausted. I’ll text Annie, we can see them tomorrow or something instead?” you asked going for your phone to let your sister know you were out for Oscar’s kindergarten play.

“No, no. This will mean a lot for Oscar. We’ll go. It will be nice to see everyone,” Rooster replied, bent over and watching his little girl sleep in her crib. He had the dreamiest look on his face and if he kept looking like that, she’d be getting a sibling a lot quicker than expected. How did he get more handsome draped over a crib with a faraway look in his eyes was beyond you but he was divine, and home. That was all that mattered.

“You sure?” you were hoping he’d say he was too tired and then at least you wouldn’t have to convince him to make up a story to not go. He squinted, on to your bullshit. “We’re going to see a lot of the family over the next few days…” you continued.

“Oscar probably worked really hard practising for you all,” said the voice of fucking reason.

“You going for sainthood?” you rolled your eyes, mockingly.

He shrugged. “Well, maybe not sainthood. Fairly sure I’d spontaneously combust if I ever walked into a church,” he chuckled and stood to height. God, you missed his bigness. Noting it, he kissed you, pulling you close, both of you childfree for the first time since he walked in and he held you tightly. “I missed you so fucking much. I don’t think I have ever missed you so much.”

His strong hands made their way down your sides, memorising no the new delicate curves, massaging your hips and groping your ass, bringing your waist closer. He nuzzled at your throat and left wet kisses on your clavicle, and you’d swear, it felt like the first time he’d touched you, heat prickling through your skin. “God, that feels good,” you said, wrapping your arms around his waist, hard and firm under his uniform. He always came home stronger, and you missed the way he held you.

“How much did you miss me?” he murmured into your skin. “Do we have time for each other?” he pleaded. It had been a hard four months and he was desperate to share a release with you. He walked you back towards your bed, sitting you down and easing you onto your back as he crawled over you carefully, his dog tags falling from behind the khaki and begging for you to clutch.

“I’m not back on birth control yet,” you told him gently as his tongue traced your jaw lightly. You were melted butter. “I’m so hopped up on hormones still with breastfeeding,” you barely managed to say, breath catching in your gasp.

“I’ll pull out,” he reassured you, nuzzling and kissing your earlobe without a second thought. He was playing extremely dirty. “God, you feel so good,” he huffed a disbelieving giggle into your skin. “You’re so sexy.”

God, you hated to do this. He felt so good, so hard and was so deserving but… “Bradley…” you pushed him back a little.

“What?” he asked a little surprised, and maybe exasperated.

“You need to head to the store,” you suggested, carefully.

He blinked, his eyes searching desperately between your bodies. “Why?”

“Condoms.”

He sighed and deflated. “Oh.” Shit.

“Yeah…” you tenderly caressed his waves. “Sorry.”

He shrugged, casually. “It’s fine.”

“Will you survive?” you taunted him, grabbing the chest of his khaki and balling them with playfully distressed fists.

“Sue me, I like being able to feel you,” he confessed, rolling his hips into yours, hoping to ease some growing pressure.

“I know, I do too,” you comforted him just like a petulant kid. “We’ve never used condoms. It’s weird to start now.”

He agreed. “Imagine if you got pregnant straight away,” he laughed though you didn’t join him. His cackles stopped abruptly as you pushed him back and sat up, he did the same. “That will not happen. No Irish twins in the Bradshaw household,” he announced quickly.

“No. There will not be Irish twins in the Bradshaw household, Lt. Commander Bradshaw.”

“Lt. Commander,” he repeated, and you could hear in his voice how it turned him on to hear you say it. He watched as you loosened his belt, carefully lowered the zip on his fly and moved your hands to the straps of your sundress, letting them fall. He breathed, hips shuddering in anticipation. “I’ll do anything you want me to,” he breathed as you gently shook your head, steadily moving to your knees.

After four months of thoughts of you and his own calloused palms, Rooster deftly reminded you that he was far too excited and would probably come hard and fast. “It’s okay,” you told him, carefully slipping his incredibly strong cock into your warm hands. He groaned, watching you eagerly. This was the welcome he was expecting, but baby Bradshaw sure made her presence known. He’d have to get used to this change.

“Did you touch yourself when I was gone?” he was desperate to know, imagine it.

“Before the baby, yes. Gotta say, month eight? Horniest time of my life. You really missed out.”

“Fucking hell,” he groaned dismally.

“Oh, you would have loved being you,” you laughed quietly, gently stroking him as he groaned and fell back against the pillows. “I was pretty much insatiable.”

“Tell me more,” he begged.

“I hadn’t needed to use my toys unless we were using my toys, but between the toys and my fingers, I was averaging two, three orgasms a day.”

Rooster could cry as you stopped talking and kissing his neck and pushing him back onto the bed. Your lips continued down his uniform, your slick tongue swirling around his screaming cock. “God, that feels so fucking good,” his voice dropped. “I won’t last,” he reiterated.

“I know, baby. It’s okay,” you told him and hovered to show him just how much you missed him. “Just enjoy.”

You’d never heard Rooster so turned on. The curses, the groans, the firmer clutch in your hair. It felt possessive - not like he’d been away but like he was trying to prove something. “Deeper,” he pleaded, a writhing mess as you dutifully did as requested. “So soft and wet,” he muttered, his hips leaving the bed to fuck your mouth as your tongue did that thing that drove him wild. “Love, I’m so close,” he strained.

He saw the purity in your eyes when you peered back up at him, telling him to go for it as you took him deeper, stroking him at the base.

“God dammit, fuck,” he almost said as an apology, he hadn’t come so hard or long in his life, hitting the back of your throat as you continued to clean up the mess he left as he panted, destroyed beyond the pillows.

His fingers were now soft as he smoothed your hair and you kissed up his body before reaching his lips. He moved your body to him, your bodies tangled in the skirt of your sundress as he kissed you rough, deep and tasting you.

“I love you so fucking much. I wish you knew how much I missed you,” he pressed furious kisses on your face, his arms a constructor around your body.

“I missed you too, so much,” you said, letting him love on you a while longer. He deserved it and you were craving him unlike ever before.

“Are you sure I’ll be able to get a seat?” Rooster asked as you rolled your eyes.

“Rooster, it’s a kindergarten play,” you said, but honestly? You weren’t sure how full the small hall would be. “I have a ticket for you anyway. I always get a ticket for you. Because if I have to suffer through this, so do you,” you added playfully.

He laughed, bouncing on his heels as he pulled the pacifier from his pinkie and put it in his little miss’s mouth, immediately soothing her. He loved the carrier option and keeping her so close to his chest. He knew he was never going to be a stroller kind of guy and didn’t particularly care what he looked like at that moment. “You always get me a ticket?” he said, backtracking. “What do you mean?”

“Well, in case you surprise me and come home early,” you shrugged shyly. “I mean, I always want you to come to these things and the last few years you haven’t really been able to…” your voice trailed off.

“Oh,” he said with a small smile. “That’s really sweet.”

You shrugged as he kissed you. “Paid off tonight.”

“Yes, it shall,” he said darkly, wriggling his eyebrows.

“Control yourself, big boy.”

“Trying, but that blowjob has only made me want more,” he admitted. “A lot more.”

You knew how he’d felt. After you’d gone down on him, he stripped you down, caressed every piece of skin until you were on fire and buried himself between your thighs until you came all over his face. A new development in your relationship and all Rooster could do was figure out how he would manage to get you so turned on that it would happen again. Research was required, he realised. Lots of it.

“Rooster, we are at a kindergarten play, put it away,” you hissed, trying not to laugh. “Honestly, do you ever quit?”

He shook his head. “Nope. Always planning and scheming my next way to get inside you,” he murmured into your ear and you think you about melted. “You’ve never cum like that before,” he reminded you. “Sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Your entire body overheated. “Well, you weren’t the only one pent up.”

He grinned. “Apparently not,” the tease in his voice was merciless. “Apparently... not.”

“Knock it off,” you begged.

He looked so good. He’s showered four months of the carrier off him, shaved, and he smelled divine. He had about two colognes in rotation, and he was wearing your favourite one tonight. If he was trying a seduction angle… it was working but he’d never really needed to try that hard. He was a walking, talking daydream. You figured anything that wasn’t spit up was going to turn you on at this point.

You didn’t realise you were staring until he made a silly face, trying to get your attention.

“Earth to my sweet girl,” he joked, nuzzling your neck.

“I forgot how handsome you were. I never truly forget, but you are just so sexy right now.”

He laughed quietly as he followed your inside and you spotted your family. He took your hand and followed dutifully behind you.

“You couldn’t text and tell us he was home?” Annie accused as your sister and husband reached behind you to high five Rooster in greeting and you politely told her there were more pressing issues when he got home as Ava shuffled to your lap, peering at her little cousin in Rooster’s arms, and you wouldn’t ask her, but you knew Ava had her nose out of joint that she didn’t have all of Uncle Brooster’s attention.

“Uncle Brad,” she whined, making grabby hands at him. The only person in the world that got away with calling him Brad. The only person.

He gave her a gentle smile. “You wanna sit with me? I’m holding your cousin.”

“Here,” you said, “I’ll swap. You can sit next to him,” you offered as Ava shook her head and pointed indignantly at his thighs. You understood the attraction. He wasn’t getting older, he was just getting hotter. You found yourself tracing the shell of his ear without even thinking as he smiled at you and kissed your temple.

“No. With Uncle Bradwee.”

“Yikes,” you muttered. “Ava, honey. Little one is sleeping. Remember how Mom said she needs lots of sleep to grow?”

“Yes,” she said sourly. “But it’s not sharing.”

Rooster bit back his grin. “You’re very popular with the ladies tonight, Roost,” Annie joked.

“Story of my life… before the most beautiful woman in the world settled for me,” he corrected himself slowly with your raised eyebrow and motioned Ava closer to him. He covered her ear and whispered until she was beaming. You were familiar with how that worked but imagined it was nothing like what he would have murmured to you. “Think we can make that a deal?”

“Yes,” she hugged his bicep gently and sat back on your lap.

“What did you say to her?” you asked him quietly.

“Said I’d piggyback her for the rest of the evening, but only after the play and she has to sit still.”

“You’re not happy until kids are falling off you, are you?” you raised an eyebrow that Rooster caught and kissed.

He laughed. “Still the king of the kids,” he shrugged. “They’re on my level.”

“Goofball,” you rolled your eyes as Oscar’s kindergarten teachers stood before the small audience to welcome and introduce the evening.

“Here,” Viper handed Rooster a glass of whiskey and cigar later that night as you fed the baby inside. You didn’t intend to go to your grandparents but you’d gotten a text that your grandmother had cooked far too much food and yourselves and Annie’s family eagerly went over for a free feed. “To whet the baby’s head.”

“Oh,” Rooster accepted the glass. “Thank you, sir.”

“For Christ’s sake, Bradley, you’re married now. You are the father to my great-granddaughter. Call me Mike!”

Rooster bashfully bobbed his head in acknowledgement.

“Happy to be home?”

“So much,” he replied, taking a keen sip. He wasn’t fond of cigars, but he’d humour the old man anyway. “Jesus, this is good.”

“You bring out the good stuff for occasions like this,” Viper reminded him. “You doing okay, son?”

Rooster smiled softly. “Happy to be home,” he admitted. He was exhausted, he was physically and mentally cooked. His eyes were rimmed purple, and his body ached. He wasn’t getting younger and these deployments and the assignments were wearing him down.

Viper sighed. “I’ll ask again. Are you okay, Bradley?”

Rooster regarded the older man and realised how he’d misunderstood him. “Umm,” he laughed, nervously. “This was probably the worst time away. I can’t believe I missed the birth of my baby. I can’t believe I had to tell my wife, repeatedly, that I wasn’t coming home when she needed me the most,” Rooster muttered sadly.

“It’s hard,” Viper concurred, all the familiar.

“I just don’t know if I’m meant for this anymore, sir,” Rooster confided quietly, spying over his shoulder to make sure you weren’t around. He didn’t want you to hear how upset he was, how broken up he was that he didn’t want to do this anymore. He feared if he said it out loud, it would change absolutely everything.

But everything had changed already and he knew he simply was not the same as he was before. Before you, he’d walk onto a carrier and do everything requested of him, no thoughts required. He was now distracted, felt like he was spiralling and could only imagine being home. In the safe arms of his wife and beautiful baby daughter.

Viper nodded. “Having a child at home changes everything. It’s a hard realisation when you’ve done what you’ve done for so long.”

“I knew it would, but not like this. I was distracted, angry. I don’t know if I can keep leaving them. I know my obligation… but my life has changed,” he said. “I’m sick of missing birthdays, Sunday mornings, my bed every though it kills my back.”

“I’ve heard around the traps that Simpson is having a hard time filling a position as an educator/instructor that you might be a shoo-in for. Son, you’ve done your time. The country thanks you. But your priorities have changed.”

Rooster’s eyes shot up. “A role here? Like a 9-5?”

“A 9-5,” Viper laughed as Bradley dropped his eyes. “No. You’ll be drowning in paperwork, I would expect you would be selected for specific detachments, but that’s the calibre of pilot you are. But these months-long deployments could be a thing of the past.”

“Wow,” Rooster said, surprised. “Think he’d let me interview?”

Viper gave Rooster a look that told him he was probably at the front of the queue if he went about it right. Rooster was always going to be taken care of by Mav, Viper and when he was still alive, Iceman. They helped raise him after his father’s death and as he aged, were still there every step of the way, maybe now more so.

“Would it ground me?” He asked warily. That would be the one thing that devastated him. He needed the skies, it was his outlet, his freedom.

“No, you’d be dealing with the new assholes,” Viper grinned as Rooster flushed. Didn’t seem so long ago that Rooster was the new Top Gun asshole. “Think about it. Talk to your wife but if I know her… and I know her pretty well,” Viper chuckled, sipping from his fancy crystal tumbler. “I think she would love seeing you every day. You won’t miss those things that are most precious… as much.”

“We will probably drive each other nuts,” Rooster joked.

“I imagine so,” Viper agreed, patting Rooster’s shoulder. “Just think about it. It doesn’t always work out for everyone, but it may just work out for you.”

Clean diaper, fed and rocked to sleep by her doting daddy, you smiled from the bed as you realised it was the first night anyone else had ever put your baby to bed. You watched as he gently crooned Tupelo Honey and you swore, you’d never been more in love with him, bare-chested with his baby girl in his strong, protective arms. God, you’d missed him. He looked up at you with a gentle smile as he pushed himself to stand and nodded for you to join him.

You’d do anything he asked. “Can you show me how to put her in her crib?” he asked softly. “I don’t really know what to do.”

You nodded. “Got a good hold?”

He nodded. “Yep.”

“Okay, put her in,” you advised simply. He frowned at you. “I had to learn what works, and so will you,” you told him. “Just be gentle. She is in a pretty deep sleep, you’ll be fine. You have a couple of million dollar’s worth of firepower in your hands every day and land on a flight deck with ease, this should be a friggin’ cakewalk,” you kissed his bicep and Jesus Christ, you’d missed his smooth skin. You moved behind him, your hands smoothing across the taut muscles and golden skin. He moaned as he put your little one into her crib, and draped a small blanket over her.

Watching him succeed was worthy of the deep kiss you’d been craving since he got out of his shower, hair loose in tight ringlets, a body more impressive than you remembered it from the last time. You felt insatiable and he really needed to help you scratch that itch.

He smiled against your lips and eased into the kiss. “Did I do good, love?”

“Perfect.”

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling your body tightly to his. “You feel so good,” his strong hands kneaded into the few extra pounds that you hadn’t managed to drop since your pregnancy and Rooster would be lying to say he wasn’t being driven wild by elegant, powerful extra curves he’d come home to. You’d muttered a few times about the baby weight, but he'd never found you sexier. “Come here,” he dropped a little to hitch his arms around your ass and raise your body to his waist. “Yeah, right there. Just like that,” he rested his forehead against yours. “Can we go to bed too?”

“I know you’re so tired,” you told him as he gave his little girl one more affectionate smile in her crib before catching your gaze, his eyes dark with desire. “But I want time with Daddy too.”

He laughed quietly. “You’ve got me right where you want me.”

“Where I need you,” you corrected, his pelvis lowering into your groin, rolling his hips without shame. Your head lolled back, the feel of his body on yours driving you wild.

“I went to the store, I did what was asked of me,” he knew how petulant he sounded, carrying you towards the bed and easing you down. You scurried up a few feet and he crawled between your thighs. “And I need to re-learn this amazing body again.” he lay above you, the warmth in his hazel eyes revealing nothing but adoration and love.

“It’s not exactly in the condition you like it,” you said with a pitiful eye roll. “Definitely not in a condition I like it.”

“Hey, don’t you dare talk about my wife like that, it is exactly how I love your body,” he warned, he kissed your décolletage through the old ratty, threadbare Navy tee. “You look phenomenal. You feel incredible,” he said as your hands laced into his curls, giving them a gentle tug and he grunted. Fuck, he’d missed that. “But you’re a little overdressed,” he noted the addition of the tee you used to wear when it was just you in the house, with nothing much underneath. It would drive him wild and he wondered if it was a professional choice on your behalf.

“I don’t sleep naked anymore,” you confided.

“No?” Rooster asked sadly. “Shit.”

“Maybe when she goes into her own room.”

“Are you telling me… we can’t be naked in here together?” he feared the answer.

“We can,” you stroked his handsome, oh-so-concerned face. “And, trust me when I say, I cannot wait to get you naked.”

“But…”

“I’m just feeling really self-conscious.”

He nodded. “I don’t know why, I think you’re absolutely beautiful.”

“I haven’t gotten into the pool for months. I was too uncomfy when I was really pregnant, and now I simply don’t have the time to. I don’t eat like I used to; I barely have time to shower.”

He broke into a small smile, letting you continue.

“I know this is all incredibly unsexy.”

“You could never be unsexy to me. This is our new normal and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. But I’m here now and I’ll do everything I can to make you understand how fuckin’ wonderful, sexy and perfect you are to me.”

“You trying to get laid, Bradshaw? Because you don’t have to work that hard, big boy. You know I’m a sure thing,” you joked as he laughed, his fondness for you shining in his hazel eyes.

“I like to make an effort,” he said jokingly. He nudged you. “But there is no version of you that is going to disappoint me. Your body is stronger now than it ever was. I will always be a mess for you. Nothing will change that,” he found your hands and gripped them above your head, pinning you down. “Tell me what you need and I’ll give you everything I have, love.”

“As much as I need all the hungry, desperate stuff, because fuck, I do… can we just be here together, slow?”

Primed to joke, but knowing you didn’t need one now, he smiled and nodded, knowing you needed to reconnect, just be one for a while. “I’ll be anything you need, sweet girl. Always.”

Somewhere around 3:30am, Rooster rose to the sound of his little girl whimpering and watched as you sighed, flicking your bedside light on. “Go back to sleep,” you told him as you stretched your tired bones. “You need your rest.”

“It’s okay. I’m awake,” he told you, watching you stumble across the room to pick up your daughter. He eased onto his elbows, watching you slow, methodical ministrations to organise yourself and your body fed his baby. “Do you know how strong you are? You are still as powerful as the ocean, baby,” he said, kind of amazed.

“Literally sitting on a chair with my boob out,” you were too tired to see his humour or affection and yawned.

“You miss your sleep,” he realised.

“I miss my sleep,” you admitted. “This is the most taxing thing I've ever done in my life. No one could have warned me how exhausted I’d be.”

“I couldn’t be prouder of you. I know I need to support you better. I know I’ve been away too much. I know I promised you I’d be home more,” he said softly.

“I know what I got myself in for,” you replied, with a small shrug. “And I know things will change one day.”

He nodded softly. “I never wanted you to do this alone, you know that, right?”

“Bradley, nothing is going to change until it changes,” you didn’t mean to sound so short but it was what it was.

He sighed and slid out of bed, pulling on his boxer briefs and padding across the room quietly and sitting before you, drawing his knees to his chest. “I know how hard it was for Mom to do it all on her own.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I don’t wanna be a part-time dad.”

You sighed as your eyes welled up a little bit. You would be so happy when the hormones levelled themselves out. You’d also be happy for a full night's sleep. And to finish a cup of coffee without interruption. “I don’t want that either.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m not all in. Because I am. We’re married, and we have the perfect daughter. I am so in love with you and this little bubble we have here.”

“I miss you so much when you’re gone. I feel like I’m going a little madder every day,” you said, the tears slipping freely now and he was up on his feet immediately, sliding in beside you on the rocker, holding you tightly.

“Sweet girl,” he cooed softly.

“Only 18 more years of this,” you laughed incredulously through the tears.

“I am right here. I always will be.”

“I know, I just imagined it to be different. You’d be home. We’d do this together. And we’re not and I hate that you’re missing everything.”

“Not hardly as much as me. But things are going to change this year. I’m going to make it up to you. I promise,” he drew a series of light kisses into your temple until you stopped shaking underneath him and relaxed against his strong body. “I love you so much. I will never let anything happen to you. You are my life, and I will do anything and everything every day to make sure you know that, sweet girl.”

When the baby was fed and you’d gotten back into bed, he held you tightly. And when you’d fallen back asleep, he found his phone and opened his email, looking for the job Viper had mentioned. He’d read it a few times, knowing that if he was going to commit to being here for you, it was now or never.

He wasn’t sure if was right or if it would be the answer you were both looking for but as his thumb hovered over the button, he dared no longer and pressed APPLY before he could talk himself out of it.

Christmas Eve, you swore loudly as Rooster stood before you, expectantly.

In khaki.

“Is it Halloween? What the fuck, Bradley?” you removed a shirt covered in spit up and tossed it at the hamper, a bit of force behind your aim. “You said you were on leave until after New Year.”

“I didn’t say anything about expectations on base,” he reminded you softly.

“Jesus Christ,” you muttered. He’d never seen you get so upset so quickly. He knew you were up half the night, but he was not expecting that kind of response.

“I won’t be gone all day. I have a meeting with Vice-Admiral Simpson.”

“Whatever, I don’t care. Use your excuses somewhere else,” you rolled your eyes, the shirt that missed the hamper grating on you and you put it in properly, slamming it shut.

“Calm down, baby. What is wrong?” Rooster had never seen you like this. You weren’t slamming doors and taking it out on hampers even in your worst fights.

“I’m tired, it’s hard doing this alone. This was family time. You, me, the baby,” you reminded him. “And you’re about to go to work,” you accused.

“Okay, okay, I get it,” he said, reaching to hold you as you stepped back.

“No, just go have your meeting. I’ve got stuff to do. The world doesn’t stop revolving just because you’re home,” you snipped, pushing past him. “We need to be at Annie’s for Christmas Eve dinner at 4pm. If you’re not here, I’ll meet you there… or whatever.”

Rooster didn’t bother watching you huff out. He smoothed his freshly trimmed moustache, incredibly pissed off that he ended up in the firing line. Sure, he wasn’t going to tell you he was going to interview for a position that had him home at dinnertime every night in case he was laughed out of the place, but a little understanding would have been nice. He inhaled sharply, calming down and following you but was not ready to explain the email from Cyclone’s secretary about wanting an interview with him asap.

Finding you in the laundry, he stepped into the confined space as you slammed closed the washer. Without asking, he picked you and up placed on you your machine, resisting every urge to joke that this machine had been used for more than just washing in friskier times.

“Don’t do that,” you muttered.

“Look at me,” he said softly, his thumb caressing your chin and he forced your eyes to his. “I am only going to be an hour or so. I know you’re tired, but I’ll come home, you can nap and I’ll put the little one in the carrier and hit the beach, okay? But I have to go to this meeting.”

“What is it, a debrief or something?” you breathed, knowing you were completely irrational, trying to control your mood but even as handsome as he was in his uniform, you weren’t banking on seeing him in it, as promised, this side of New Year.

“Yeah,” he said. “Something like that.”

“Okay, I guess I will see you when you get home.”

“Kiss me, please?” he said softly. And of course, you did, letting him pull you against him tightly. You couldn’t stay angry at him and it drove you mad that it only took those soft puppy dog eyes and you were a keening mess for him. Not much had changed after all this time. “That’s more like it,” he said with a gentle smirk. “I love you. I’ll be home soon,” he kissed your forehead and left.

“I love you too,” you said softly after him.

“Gotta plan,” you said finding Rooster strumming his guitar on the floor in his music room later that evening. He had developed a habit the last few years… shoes and shirts in the house were unnecessary and you thought you might be drooling as you noted the top button of his jeans loose. Baby asleep, Christmas lights your strung across the speakers low… wine in your hands. He deserved a good ravishing. You’d see to it.

“What’s that, sweet girl?” he asked as you put the glasses on the coffee table, barely clothed in a loose tank of his. The sound he made in his throat was unnatural, catching you both by surprise. You giggled quietly, taking a seat behind him on the couch. “Need a minute, big boy?”

“I have no idea what that was,” he admitted, swallowing. “Sue me; you look so hot.” So much skin, side boob... no panties. He couldn’t figure out why you’d even bothered with the tank.

You hummed, rolling your eyes. “To breathe,” you instructed the wine and him as he nodded.

"I’ll try. Jesus, woman, warn a man first,” he muttered, eyes fluttered closed as you lost your nails to his unkempt curls.

“I’m going to pump… then we’re going to enjoy this wine because it’s Christmas Eve.”

“OK – ”

“Then we’re going to have sex. And I am planning multiple orgasms… for both of us.”

Rooster laughed quietly, putting the guitar down and turning gracefully to your face. He kissed you roughly. “I could help you with something that doesn’t require any hands…” he hinted, scurrying before you and spreading your legs wide. “All you’d have to do is sit there and take what I give you.”

“Bradley!” you exclaimed as he wasted absolutely no time giving you exactly what he had in mind.

If there was anything better in life, Bradley Bradshaw had yet to find it. His darling baby girl asleep draped down his chest after an early morning wake-up he eagerly took to as you dozed against his shoulder, enjoying the lie-in. Pretty lucky asshole, he realised.

Annie had handed him the gorgeous eternity ring he’d designed before he left on his last deployment that coincided with your push present (something he wasn’t aware of until Natasha had made a big deal of it during 200 push-ups one afternoon). Not under the tree, but in his side table drawer. He called your name quietly.

“Hmm?” you hummed, linking your fingers with him across the angel on his chest, not all that interested in waking.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Bradley,” you yawned, kissing his bicep but making no real rush to get moving.

“I know we didn’t have much time to talk last night… and I’m sorry again work got in the way.”

“The Navy will always be in the way,” you replied drily. “It’s okay, really.”

“I didn’t tell you about the… debrief,” he chose his words carefully.

You huffed but didn’t answer.

“It was an interview. For a permanent position here.” When you didn’t reply, he continued. “I met with Cyclone yesterday for a teaching/instructor role for new blood. I’ll still be in the air every day, I’ll have a fuckload of paperwork to do, and I’ll probably have late nights. But I get to come to bed with you every night.”

He could feel the tears spill against his skin and he pulled you closer to him, trying not to disturb the little one.

“So, I guess you’ll be seeing a lot more of me…”

“That is so good,” was all you could manage to say.

“I will still be recalled for special detachments – hopefully, nothing like last year.”

“Yeah, could really do without you being shot down over enemy territory,” you told him so seriously he was almost scared. He was most certainly not wishing for the same thing either.

“I understand,” and he knew you or he had absolutely no say on where, when and how he was instructed to undertake any mission he found himself on. All he could promise was he would be safer in future.

“When will you know if you’ve got it?”

“Cyclone texted a few minutes ago, actually,” he said, smoothing his hand down his little miss’ back. He would never get used to this feeling. It was so wholesome, he was almost sick.

“Bradley… did you get it?” you sat up, suddenly very awake.

He handed you his phone in his opposite palm. “He wants me to have time off until the next group commences in mid-January. And he says Merry Christmas,” he couldn’t hide his grin. “You’re very quiet... is this you speechless?” he teased.

“Oh my God, Bradley!” you exclaimed, kissing him wildly. “Congratulations, my baby. I’m so fucking proud of you,” you kissed his lips, tongue snaking in cheekily.

“Thank you,” he chuckled quietly, cupping your cheek.

“I can’t believe you’ll be here every day…”

“I’m going to drive you so mad.”

“Impossible,” you kissed him again. “This is the best news.”

Rooster laughed. “Well, get used to it.”

“I certainly will.”

“Think you’ll be okay? I mean… half your life has been on an aircraft carrier. It will be a hard adjustment. You’ll see your friends less.”

“Coming home to my girls and eating amazing food, with hot water and forceful water pressure? Sharing a bed with you and not some random that snores/farts/jerks off when I’m in the vicinity?”

“Gross,” he wasn’t great at talking up the Navy at the best of times.

“Yeah, think I’ll live,” he reached to kiss you. “I still get to fly, probably in the air more, I may be called away for special detachments,” he figured it was best to get that out there. It would be a fuckload worse if that happened later.

You nodded, solemnly. There was a catch of course, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker.

“What do you think?” he asked softly.

“Best Christmas ever,” you told him, smiling happily, eyes shining with tears. “I’m definitely going to have to go back on birth control,” you said certainly.

“Absolutely. Daily sex is back on your agenda, Mrs Bradshaw. God, I’m so happy to say that.”

“Daily,” you scoffed.

“Okay, five days a week,” Rooster reasoned with a cheeky grin.

“No, no. We can still negotiate daily,” you rolled over properly, and he looked at you adoringly. “Just entering my prime really.”

“You’ve always been in your prime.”

He gently sat up and moved to stand, walking his little girl to her crib and putting her in safely. He watched her, mesmerised, a little more. “Merry Christmas, but I’m sorry, darling heart, but I think this is time for Momma and Dada,” he said.

“You can say our names,” you instructed as he dived onto the bed, bouncing you gently.

“Yeah, I take it back,” he grinned. “Where do you want me? I’ll do anything.”

“Dealer’s choice,” you winked. He brought the good news; you would do anything he asked of you as he pumped his fists in celebration.

“Get on those hands and knees, sweet girl. We’re getting dirty this Christmas morning.”

A/N: the tag list no longer exists. To keep up to date, give @notroosterbradshaw-library a follow x

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demonsandmischief · 1 year

Text

-Chapter 15: The Avengers' Therapist-

Bisexual Female Reader x The Avengers

this story is Rated M for sexual themes

1K Words

The Series Masterlist

The compound was silent aside from the sitcom you had playing on the TV. You sat on the couch with your dinner. There was a heaviness you felt pressing on your chest; the anxiety of not knowing what was going on, and the potential for the people you loved to be in danger.

It had been three weeks since you had seen the Avengers. There was an occasional text. Steve and Clint even called once or twice.

You had tried to distract yourself by tying up all of the loose ends with your business venture. It was going to be a nonprofit, but that created a whole variety of hoops to jump through. You could finally see the end in sight.

And just like any other night, you switched off the TV and dragged your blanket over your shoulders. Tonight, you were going to sleep in Steve's room. You were happy that each of their bedrooms were open because you were able to rotate depending on who you missed the most.

You missed all of them, deeply. Painfully.

----

A few days later you were making breakfast after a run on the treadmill. It was really early, but you struggled to sleep. Every bump and creak of the night made you feel isolated and bothered, even in the secure space.

You had stayed away from the news, but it was inevitable. Los Angeles had been attacked, just like Tony had said they would. While that was awful, the group had been captured. Selfishly, you hoped that meant your Avengers would be home soon.

It was only moments later when you heard the door open.

"We thought you would be asleep," Steve said. He was still in his uniform, once a bright blue now gray. His normally unruly hair was matted to his head. He had a cut next to his lip, and the fabric of his suit was torn and stained a deep brown that only came with dried blood.

"I'm fine, honey," he consoled, seeing the way you were looking at him. "I just came straight here because I needed to see you. I didn't have a chance to get cleaned up."

You felt a rise of emotion, an overwhelming sense of relief that hit you like a freight train.

You sobbed, muffling the sound with your palm.

"What did you do to her, Steve?" Bucky accused. You didn't even notice him come in.

He dropped his bag. He wrapped his arms tight around you, pulling you to his chest. One of his hands stroked your back and the other cradled your head. You clutch his t-shirt with your fists, continuing to cry as his familiar touch and smell surround you.

"Don't cry," he whispered. "We're not going anywhere."

"I missed you so much," you said.

"We missed you more than you will ever know," Steve said, stepping up behind you. You turned, wrapping your arms around him instead.

"There she is," Sam smiled. He held open his arms and you moved from Steve to him. "Look at you. You're looking good, baby."

Your smile was automatic at his cheerfulness. You smeared some of your tears with your palm.

Sam gave you a gentle kiss.

"Where are the others?" you asked, looking at Steve.

"They're coming," he answered. "They had to stop in DC to wrap everything up."

"They're okay?"

"Everybody is okay," Sam confirmed. That was such a relief. You had been so worried.

"Why don't we get cleaned up, and then you can tell us what you've been up to?" Steve suggested. He gestured you back over to him, mashing his lips to yours when you were in reach.

"Okay," you nodded, breathlessly. He kissed your forehead. You smiled, completely happy that they were home. "I'll make you guys some breakfast."

You made a huge breakfast, and it was a good thing you did because the rest of your Avengers came through the door.

Wanda was the first to you. She wrapped around you tightly, and you placed your face in her neck.

She whispered your name, and you realized how desperate you had been to hear her voice.

"I'm so proud of you," you told her. "I knew you could do it."

She gave you a squeeze.

"I don't think we could have done it without Wanda," Nat said. She stepped up behind you, skimming her hand along your back. "This little witch cleared civilians faster than any of us could have on our own. She really saved so many lives."

You could see the change in Wanda, almost like her rain cloud that hung over her had moved away. She seemed ragged and worn down from the battle she just faced, but she needed the chance to prove to herself that she could do it. She needed to get back out in the world.

"It smells so good in here," Clint said, stuffing a piece of bacon in his mouth.

"There's a lot of food. I knew you all would be hungry."

Nat smirked, cupping your cheeks with her hands. She leaned close. "Just a little bit," she teased, brushing her lips with yours as she spoke.

Tony was the last one in, and you went straight to him.

"I knew you couldn't resist," he teased. "I'm like a drug. It's inevitable-"

"Shut up," you told him, placing your head on his chest. His arms secured you tight.

He didn't let you step away. Instead, he took your chin, inspecting your face. His thumb skimmed gently under your eye.

"Dreaming of me, sweetheart?" he asked, and while his teasing said otherwise, you could tell he was worried.

"I missed you," you whispered, feeling your lip wobble. You swallowed down the emotion, exhausted from it.

"I missed you, too," he said, softer. He bent his head to catch your lips.

It only took a few more minutes for everyone to be gathered around the table eating breakfast.

You found your eyes going to that one barstool that you sat at on your first day at the compound so long ago, the day everything started. If only you could see where you ended up. You would have never expected to be more than the Avengers' Therapist.

------------------Author's Note-------------------------

Cue the credits 🥹 Thank you to everyone who read and supported me through this journey.

I know this isn't nearly as Rated M as any of us anticipated. To try to make it up to you... bonus chapter ❤️

Big shout out to my tags. You're the mvps and I appreciate you more than you could ever know.

Don't miss me too much. I have lots of imagines here and stories on Wattpad

@inluvwithfictionalwomen @pancakefan7529 @sugarrush-blush @royalmuffinsworld @ichala @cricket-reader @almosttoopizza @dont-staple-waffles @lilylovelyxo @fishdawgs @lyracarvahall @meeksmusic83 @superchumchum @dracanah @elmontsmile @wolf-phoenix-lover @2234world @thunderinglava @badasswithafatass0 @crookedkoala69 @ilovesebastianstan @youre-amazing-say-it @purpler4shol4ser @imdoingbetternow @alchemxx @bibibucky @simpsformarvelwoman @agustdeeyaa @miaajnielsen @ripofflizzie @sammywammy1 @acornacreacure @marvel-lover-shel @jay-anxiety @athenathewise @fxckmiup @themayzittcha @uselessastheginlasagnaa @fallenlmao

#marvel #marvel imagine #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #tony stark x reader #clint barton x reader #wanda x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #poly! avengers #avengers #avengers imagine

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twitterpated-passion · 2 years

Text

Truth (Sequel to Rumors) | Monster Boyfriend

The next morning was, well you didn't really know how to describe it, but you did know that you wouldn't use any harsh words to describe it if you could.

Orion's arms were wrapped around you, all four of them pulling you close, hands interlocked with one another to keep his claws from scratching you. You didn't want to move and you didn't know if it was sleep wanting to claim you again, or the warmth radiating from the forest god behind you. Either way, your want was non-existent.

So you stay, trying to be as still as you can muster, only readjusting slightly to get comfortable again. However, unfortunately, it was enough to cause him to stir, a low noise leaving him as he pulled you closer, if it was even possible to do so.

You weren't sure if he was aware of the position the two of you were in at the moment, but your thoughts about that stopped when he asked you something, voice heavy with exhaustion, "How long have you been awake...?"

"...Not long," you said, tilting your head up to look at his face. Though, rather than being greeted by a familiar face, you were greeted with his unruly mane covering the half that was out in the open. "The people in the village are going to wonder where I am."

"You could let them believe you got stolen from the monster in the woods," he offered, moving his hand to get his hair out of his face, a piercing yellow eye staring you down. You turned around, eyes watching his arm move to the others, resting on your back gently, holding you in place.

"Do you want hunted?"

"No," he admitted. "But if I make it seem like a sacrifice-"

"Good lord," you said, exasperated despite still being sleepy. "Take me out foraging before you try to steal me away, Orion. Maybe then I'll be a willing sacrifice."

"I did meet you foraging one night," he said, eyes closing as his legs stretched, a noise leaving him as they do. The yellow irises meet you again after a moment, and he pulled his arms from you, moving away to sit up, legs touching the floor outside the little nest of blankets and furs.

You were quick in sitting up with him, hands pulling your knees close to you, eyes falling to the bandages that adorned his waist. "...How's the wound?"

His brows furrowed, finally out in the open with his hair out of his face. When he followed your gaze and made a small 'oh' sound, he lifted a hand and waves it in the air. "Doesn't hurt anymore."

"Quick healing time?"

"Just a god thing, I guess," he said with a shrug. "...Never really noticed."

You let a chuckle escape you, and he gave you a curious gaze. "You said that so casually. Most people aren't gods, you know."

You watched as he smiled at your words and you felt your heart tug, squeezing in a way that you couldn't pinpoint to a singular emotion.

Silence flooded over the both of you, and when his hand inched its way closer to you, making it look like he was casually resting his hand, the tension between the two of you became obvious. You didn't move your hand, but you did talk, voice soft, quiet, "Do you wanna talk about last night?"

"Yea," he breathed out, seemingly relieved you brought it up. You finally moved your hand, encasing it over his as your fingers looped between the gaps of his larger ones, giving it a good squeeze.

"I..." you started, voice already drifting off, "I'm not the only one who sees us in a different light now...right?"

"No...I don't believe so," he said with a shake to his head. "I don't think I ever saw you in the light you may have in the beginning."

You flushed slightly at the small confession from him. "How did you...see me?"

"Well...at first I saw you as a moron. Who doesn't run when they see someone nine foot and more monstrous than them? I surely did a poor job as the forest's protector for you not to run," he said, laughing softly. Your heart skipped a beat at the sound. "But...you kept coming. Over and over. Every night. You looked at me as more than a beast, and I...-I can admit that I was afraid you were only trying to get close to me to lure your village to me in the beginning. But, if you were, you wouldn't have told me anything too personal...like you do. Or you would've told me something fake...something to get me to sympathize with you. And when I found myself admiring the way the moonlight shined down on you..."

Orion stopped talking, voice going quiet as a dark red hue over took his face and pointed ears. "I stopped caring about it once that started happening."

You were speechless for a moment, but only a moment, your hand squeezing his again as he pulled it from yours to lay it down with his palm up, intertwining your fingers correctly. "...I would never do that to you."

"I know," he said, not taking the time to think about it. "...Just a risk in the beginning. I apologize for assuming it in the first place."

"...You always apologize for things you don't have to apologize for." You let out a soft laugh. "It's cute."

"Cute?" You nod with a hum.

"But...if I'm being honest, it actually didn't take that long for me either. Hell, it's only been a month since we started doing this. Not much time in the first place. But I'd say I started to want this like a week and a half in? Two weeks? Two weeks at most." You shrugged, and it was his turn to squeeze your hand. "It was just really sudden, like one night it just snapped and suddenly I just...suddenly I wanted- needed to be around you. I don't think I realized what it was until I started looking at your lips like...a lot."

You pulled your free hand to your neck, scratching the back of it nervously. You didn't know why you were nervous, but you were, and him getting closer only served to make you even more nervous.

Unfortunately though, the nagging voice in your head peeked its nasty head out, telling you that you need to get back to the village. You hated the voice but you hated the fact that it was right even more.

Orion seemed to realize it too after watching your expression drop, his hand giving you a squeeze. "You're still walking tonight...right?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." You flashed him a reassuring smile, watching him stand, shoulders slouching as he did, a single hand of his held out to help you up.

When you took it, he lifted you on your feet with ease, and he perked up ever-so-slightly, moving his head towards the small kitchen that resided in the cabin. "What are you thinking?"

"You need to eat."

"I baked some pastries yesterday," you said. "I'll eat when I get home."

"No," is all he answered with, moving his large figure over to the kitchen before yanking a small cloth from a thin pipe that hung above everything. He laid it down and moved his hand to a basket that looked small compared to him, but that was about all your could see until he held out the cloth, which was tied in a way to hold things, out to you.

"You don't have to."

"I want to," he said, no room for disagreement in his voice. After a moment, you begrudgingly took the tied up cloth, holding it in your palm to untie it slightly.

Resting inside of it were berries, mainly blueberries, but there were some blackberries thrown in with them. "How'd you find blackberries? I'm super lucky if I even find a single branch of a blackberry bush, much less an actual blackberry."

"I have a garden," he admitted, keeping his eyes away from you as he turned around, top pair of hands wringing each other as the second pair of hands rested behind his back.

When his eyes met yours, you smiled at him being uncharacteristically shy, popping one of the berries in your mouth. "I can show you another day."

"Yes please," you answered, smile widening.

Soon after that, you two left his cottage and the fenced area around it, a comfortable silence blanketed over the both of you. You moved the tied cloth to your left hand, your right hand grabbing at his second left hand. When he grabbed it back, a warm feeling bubbled in your chest, and you glanced at him with a soft, adoring look, happy to be able to show it now.

He didn't look at you, cheeks dark with blush as he busied himself with leading you back to your usual meeting spot. Though you had a feeling that your meeting point would be changing to another location soon which was admirably farther, but far comfier.

***

You entered the village quietly, not wanting to cause a scene this early in the morning. If you could just get to your house and-

Someone called your name.

You stopped in your tracks on the way back to your own cottage, turning around before plastering on a nervous smile. When you realized who it was, your shoulders tensed, and all your could do was watch Uri, your best friend, walk up to you with furrowed brows and a worried expression. "Hey, where were you last night? You weren't home when I knocked on your door."

"I was out taking my walk, you know how I am. Decided to make it an impromptu camping trip," you quickly lied, ignoring the guilt pooling in your stomach. You hated having to lie to your best friend, but you know that she wouldn't believe you at all. She was the only other person in the village that thought the 'monster' rumors were fake aside from you.

She narrowed her eyes at you, seemingly scanning your face before giving you a shrug and a small laugh. "Sure you didn't just get lost and call it a night?"

"Hey-!" You said, pushing her gently and laughing yourself. "I didn't call it a night after I got lost."

"But you got lost."

"Oh, yea, completely lost," you admitted with another laugh. "I strayed from the path, like a dumbass."

"Well, I never said you were the smartest person in the village," Uri joked.

"Smart enough to have you as my best friend."

"True," she said with a nod. Her hands grabbed yours and she tugged you to the center of the village. "Come on, Lucas got something on last night's hunt. He's been telling everyone about it."

Your blood ran cold as you gripped her hands, yet you stayed in place, making her furrow her brows and shoot you a confused glance. "...Everything ok?"

"Yea." Lie. "Just...thinking. I'd rather not hear about how big Lucas' ego grew though, gods know it's already big enough."

She nodded. "Yea, but I think it'd be fun to hear, if only to laugh at."

You wished you could laugh at it. You shook your head. "Maybe I'll get him to tell me later, I'm not feeling it. Really looking forward to falling in bed and getting a little more sleep."

"Are you alright? You didn't get sick doing that, did you?" She lifted a hand from yours, pressing the back of it to your forehead. You swatted your hand away.

"I'm alright, mom, just tired. The ground was hard and the stars were pretty, made it hard to sleep." A half-truth. You were tired, but only because it was hard to fall asleep with sore legs and Orion right behind you, snoring the night away. You were lucky you weren't deaf by the time it reached morning.

But even then, Uri didn't give up and she ended up following you to your cottage, wishing you a good early morning before you promptly smiled at her and shut the door the moment she turned around. You felt slightly bad brushing her off like you did, but it didn't last long, the idea of keeping Orion safe finding itself in your mind as you turned around and hit your back against the wooden door.

It took a lot in you not to want to confront Lucas right there and then, but you held off. You knew how people in the village talked. Uri was quick in telling you what they they said behind your back after you ignored their warnings when the rumors first started.

You shook your head, lifting your free hand up to rub the bridge of your nose as you pushed off of the door and towards your kitchen. You were quick in untying the cloth fully to set the fruit in a bowl, just to set the bowl in your fridge for later, when you wake up again. You being tired wasn't a lie at least. Though, you never seemed to be fully awake during the day either. Only at night.

After pushing back your thoughts and ultimately deciding to take care of the Lucas situation later, you kicked your shoes off, not caring to change when you went into your room. As comfy as Orion's furs were, you really needed to introduce him to a mattress, if they even make ones that'll fit him.

And the moment your head hit your pillow, you were out like a light.

***

The rest of the day went like how they usually did. You found something to do that wasn't just browsing the marketplace when it opened, you spent some time with Uri and you didn't end up punching Lucas when he told you the story of how he shot Orion in the stomach. Not that he knew it was Orion.

"Oh, you should've seen it!" He exclaimed when he told you, a laugh in his voice. "It was too perfect. I couldn't see him because he was in the shadows, but I heard him. Oh- I heard him. Must've been a large one, I say, made plenty of noise when he was walking, even snapped a stick."

You cringed internally, making a mental note to tell Orion to watch out for sticks...they never seem to not snap when they're in his path. But outwardly, you only nodded, not looking at him or else he'd be able to see the distaste on your face. He continued anyway, "When I heard that stick snap, I pulled my bow off my shoulders, grabbed an arrow from my quiver and shot. I couldn't see where I hit him, but I did. The loud growl he let out made that clear."

"Are you sure it wasn't a bear," You asked, putting your head in the hand you rested on the tavern bar. "Sounds like you just shot a bear."

"It didn't sound like a bear," he defended.

"Not like you've been near a bear to know what they sound like," you muttered under your breath, clearing your throat to make it more inconspicuous.

***

The only time the day seemed to go exactly how you wanted was when you walked to your spot, listening to the crickets chirping and the plant life that swayed to the night breeze. You sat on the edge of the path and leaned against a tree only to close your eyes and bask in the moonlight, happy that it came back after last night.

And when you heard light footsteps, you cracked your eyes open, looking up as the god- your god, stepped from the forest, a small smile on his face before he helped you up. His second pair of arms settled on your hips as he first held your hands, keeping you still but able to leave if you weren't comfortable. You noticed his bangs out of the way, his eyes vibrant in the moonlight and you got so focused on the soft, but glowing yellow that you hardly heard him say, "Hi..."

You blinked, bringing yourself back to reality before you responded, "...Hey."

"How was your day?" Orion asked, sounding genuinely interested, but you couldn't get past the nervous tension between the two of you, forcing you to only answer with a hum and a shrug. His smile widened anyway. "Same here."

A silence blanketed over you both...until you heard footsteps in the distance. Your heart jumped as it started to pound, Orion pulling you flush against him before he went back into the shadows, bringing you with him. He moved one of his hands from yours and held it to his lips, to which you nodded quickly at.

Then you heard your name. Once, then twice; the second one more questioning as you glanced behind you, twisting your body to look, fighting the gasp that wanted to leave when you saw who was calling for you.

It was Uri, Lucas trailing close behind her. Your eyes widened at the bow in his hand, quiver slung over his shoulder and plenty of arrows sitting in it. "Are you sure they even went down the path?"

"They always stay on the path," Uri said, even thought you told her that you strayed from the path last night earlier in the day. "It's like the one thing they make sure to do."

"Yea, well, they're not here." You stayed still, holding Orion's hands tightly as the hands on your hips held you just as tightly. "Maybe they didn't walk tonight?"

"Lucas just shut up," she said, tone frustrated. "They always walk. What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't know that?"

"Ok," he said, carrying the 'k' for a second or two, "if they 'always' do this, then why did you want to follow them this time?"

"They were hiding something when I was talking to them this morning. And they had a new cloth in their hand, which is weird because they came from the woods." Lucas groaned, and you watched him wrap an arm around Uri's waist through the gaps of the trees. That however, wasn't the shocking part; Lucas was always touchy whenever he talked to people. What shocked you was when you saw Uri lean into him.

A gasp left your lips the moment you processed what was going on and you froze when you saw them stop and look in your direction, Orion slapping a hand over your mouth. You gave him an apologetic look and instead of seeing surprise, or even anger for you being so careless, he just stared ahead, pulling you further back the smallest bit.

Uri called your name again, and the two moved towards the edge of the path, leaves crunching under them when they got closer...off the path. "Hey, if you're here, ya big weirdo, you can say something."

Orion looked at you at that...and the moment he met your eyes it felt like it was the first time you've seen them in forever. You reached up, placing a cold hand on his cheek and smiled reassuringly up at him.

You unwillingly pulled away from him, taking a few steps forward and hearing him take a few steps back, going further into the darkness. The leaves that crunched under every step Uri and Lucas took echoed in your ears and you could only admit one thing to yourself at that moment: you were scared. Really fucking scared. Both for yourself and for Orion.

When Uri shined her flashlight on you, you squint to see past it, seeing both your best friend and Lucas. "Dude, you should've said something!"

"What are you two doing out here?" You asked, practically forced out really. You wanted to move, to get them away from Orion, but you couldn't.

Uri gave you a concerned look, noticing how off you were almost immediately. She wouldn't be your best friend if she didn't. "Hey, you ok?"

"Fine, just...answer the question Uri." Your eyes fell to the hand on Uri's hip, then to the person it belonged to.

The concerned look on her face only served to grow stronger, and she took a step closer. You probably looked awful in your desperate stance, the fear and nervousness inside of you breaking from their dam and pouring itself into your stance, only making it worse. You never were any good at hiding your emotions, you could admit that.

Maybe if it was just Uri there, standing in front of you, you'd be better. Maybe if it was just her, you'd introduce her to Orion. But with Lucas standing beside her, holding her, you felt sick to your stomach thinking about it.

That feeling only got worse when Uri happened to glance up, her eyes widening as she gasped slightly, eyes falling back down to you. He was caught. "...Honey, come over here now. There's something behind you."

Given that the cat was out of the bag, you only nodded. "I know."

Your eyes flitted over to Lucas again, noticing that his hand was off of Uri, but was slowly reaching towards his quiver. The growl from behind you didn't make anything better.

You took a step back. "Don't pull out the arrow."

"I don't know if you didn't hear her, but there is something behind you and it growled, so either you want to die or-"

"He's growling at you, Lucas," you answered, taking another step back. You were so close to him...but so far away. "Don't pull it out."

"You know what it is?" He asked, although you thought the answer was obvious.

"He," you corrected, the nervousness inside of you lessening, but his hand still being dangerously close to his arrows forced you to watch what you said. "Just...move your hand."

"After you tell us what...he is," Uri said, stepping in front of Lucas just slightly, making you focus on her instead.

"Once I know he's not in any danger, I will," you said, tone insistent, and you heard another low noise from behind you. It was softer than the growl from earlier, quieter too, like it was only supposed to be heard by you. "So please. Don't."

Uri glanced back at him, and you noticed a bit of an urging expression on her face, her free hand lifting to pull his from the quiver when he didn't do it after a moment. You gave her a thankful look, and turned around, only able to see his eyes in the darkness, fixed above you and towards the other two.

You held your hand out, reaching for him, only for another, quiet noise to leave him when he sees what you're doing. You pulled your lip in between your teeth before giving him a small, reassuring smile, a whisper leaving you, "...Just for a moment...I promise."

When he didn't react, you thought he didn't believe you...hell, you didn't believe yourself, but he placed one of his on yours, claws gently wrapping around your hand. You walked Orion out, hearing the gasp behind you from Uri as you stopped him just a couple steps shy from where he was. You whispered again, "Thank you."

His eyes never strayed from yours as you noticed his bangs falling back into place, right over his eyes. "He's...he's the monster-"

"He's not a monster, Lucas," you said, looking up at him fondly before turning back around, moving your hand for just a moment before grasping his other one. "And, unfortunately, it wasn't a bear that you shot."

"A bear?" You heard Orion ask, voice low. You shushed him, tapping his hand to add onto it.

Uri stood there, dumbfounded as Lucas' face lit up like the flashlight Uri was holding, a completely and utterly insensitive grin spreading on his face. "I knew those loons weren't bullshitting us! You never believed me, Uri."

Your jaw slacked at the fact that he was excited at this new knowledge, just glazing over the fact that he shot him. You looked up at Orion, and felt as his lower pair of hands wrapped around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

You turned back to your best friend and Lucas, quickly realizing that there was a lack of talking from either of them, both of their eyes on you and Orion. But you didn't let the silence hang around for much longer. "Lucas. I think you owe Orion an apology for shooting him."

His eyes widened and he shook his head. "No way. He was near our village! Had no clue what he was!"

You felt Orion's chest vibrate slightly as another growl left him. You could understand why he did what he did, but if he would just listen for more than a second. "What even is he? Surely you know since you're apparently buddy-buddy with him."

"I am the protector of these woods. A god, if you will." You couldn't help the smile that came at the voice he put on. It was the same one he used the first day you met. The day he tried to scare you into not walking through the woods anymore.

You were really glad you didn't listen to him.

You watched the two, and you knew Lucas wanted to say something, but he didn't. He kept his mouth shut and glanced over at Uri, almost looking relieved when she spoke instead, "...Why'd you keep this hidden?"

You thought the answer was obvious, so you only rebutted with a question of your own, "Why'd you hide you and Lucas?"

Uri opened her mouth, but closed it after a second, glancing over at the man beside her. "Why we hid us doesn't matter right now."

"It does to me," you responded. "Besides, the answer to your question is obvious."

You motioned up to Orion, shooting him a sorry look as you did it, but he didn't seem to mind all that much. "You could've told me."

"You would've never believed me." Looking back at Uri, you watched as the flashlight casted downward, as did her eyes. "We were one of the only ones that didn't believe that bullshit rumor, and you're going to tell me that you would've believed me if I told you that I've been meeting up with a forest god for the past month?"

Orion's hold on you got tighter, and you placed a hand over his, tapping the back of it gently. You ignored the feeling of how new this was to the both of you. It wasn't the time, and you sure as hell weren't one to complain about it.

"I wouldn't have," Uri finally spoke, diverting your attention back to her.

"Exactly. Why would I tell you if you wouldn't have believed me?" You looked over at Lucas again, seeing his eyes on Orion. "What's your reasoning for not telling me about you and him?"

"This isn't about us. This is about you and..." She trailed away, and you felt the nervousness inside of you leave almost immediately, frustration bubbling inside you at her avoiding the question again.

"Orion," Orion said, giving you no time to answer for him. "Answer their question."

Uri only let her eyes flick between the two of you, up then down, over and over. It annoyed you, but that only made you surprised at yourself.

You never got angry at Uri, much less annoyed. You two bounced off of each other so well so there was no need to be angry when you preferred just talking it out. Sure, she frustrated you, but a lot of people did that. It was nothing personal. But you were annoyed with her, letting it fester and boil within you, allowing it to peek its little head out in the open.

You felt overwhelmed by it, however, leaning into Orion further to try and hide from it. One of his hands from his top pair wrapped around your chest, almost like he knew why you were doing it and he wanted to help.

Your head tipped to the side, leaning into his arm and feeling the taut skin against your cheek. "If you're not going to answer, then you can leave y'know. Because as far as I'm concerned, I answered your question."

"Dude," Uri said, "you're not just gonna blow me off after I figure something like this out."

"Then answer the stupid fucking question, Uri," you snapped. "I had a reason for hiding. Why did you? As far as I know, Lucas isn't a god, so, what's your big reason for hiding it? Huh?"

Another tap on Orion's hand. You needed to calm down. This was just going to make everything worse. "I hid it because it was casual."

"Was." You interjected. "That's the keyword."

She groaned and turned to face Lucas, but all he did was take a step back. "Lucas."

"...They have a point, Uri."

'Finally,' you thought, 'some sense from him.'

Orion's other arm wrapped around you, cocooning you in his arms. You relished in the warmth that radiated from him, unconsciously tilting your head back against his chest.

"Fine, you do. I shouldn't have hidden it," she admitted. "But it's not like you didn't have any secrets. Is he the reason you were out last night?"

You paused, eyes dropping to the ground. She let out a noise, something that screamed that it was obvious. "Of course he was. Great. You know we're going to have to tell the village he exists, right? This is something we can't hide from the others."

Another growl left Orion and he pulled you a step back. "You are not to tell those...humans."

"You can't tell them Uri," you said, voice the softest its been for the entire night.

"Then what am I supposed to do? What are we supposed to do? Hide the fact that you're apparently with a god?"

"Yes! That is exactly what we do!" You let out a frustrated groan, your fists digging into your shirt. "Look, I would love nothing more than to share the fact that Orion exists to the village, but I can't. And I'm not going to."

You felt bad fighting about him like he wasn't in the same area, but you couldn't help it at that moment. "Why can't you?"

"How many words do you think I'll be able to get out of my mouth before he's either shot down or I'm run out of the village for befriending a 'monster'? How many words, Uri?" She doesn't answer, which you expected. You'd hardly be able to get out five if you showed him. Both of you knew that. "I hate to be pessimistic about it, but it's just the truth."

She sighed, handing the flashlight over to Lucas as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Then what do you plan on doing?"

You opened your mouth, but quickly closed it, looking up at Orion. What do you plan on doing? You two only really came to the conclusion that you both were mutual in your feelings that day, so there wasn't much planning. And you definitely didn't know how gods dated.

...Were you two dating?

From behind his hair, his eyes met yours, and you gave him a small smile. "Keep it a secret?"

"...It's not in my kind's nature to keep the person we're courting hidden," he said softly. "...But it's not often they court humans."

"First time for everything." You held back the questions you had about his 'kind' and whatever they did to court others...and who they courted. It wasn't the time.

He nodded in response, and the both of you looked back at the two. "Uri, if you love me, you and Lucas will keep this a secret. Please."

She looked at you for a long moment, arms crossed and teeth chewing at her bottom lip before she sighed and nodded. "But figure this out. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Thank you." She nodded again, giving you a small smile before looking over at Lucas, grabbing the flashlight from his hand.

"Let's head back. You should head back tonight. You were lucky no one noticed last night."

"You noticed."

"I'm your best friend, of course I'd notice." Your smile grew when she looked back at you and she looked up at Orion, shaking her head. "...Y'know if someone would've told me my best friend would be with a god, I'd probably slap them."

"That's very you."

"I know. Just be happy I'm not slapping you," she said, lifting her hand as a small wave before grabbing Lucas' wrist and turning around, holding the flashlight out in front of them.

Even when you couldn't hear them, even when you both knew they were gone, neither of you moved, simply standing in silence about what happened.

Until you broke the silence, "...So...that happened..."

"Yep," he responded, far too casual, far too quickly. "...Uri seems...-"

"She's better than how she made herself out to seem, don't worry..." You defended, finding the will to pull out of his arms to turn and face him. "I'm sorry all this happened..."

"Now you're one apologizing for stuff that isn't your fault."

"...I learn it from the best." He pushed his bangs out of the way, flashing you a small, shy grin as you grabbed his hands and pulled him to the path again. "You're courting me?"

"Is that now how humans phrase it?"

"We say dating now. But I like it. It sounds...important."

"It is important. We only court ones who are worthy to court."

"I'm worthy?"

"Very." The lack of hesitation made your heart swell, a sigh escaping your lips. "Although my kind wouldn't really approve of you being human."

"Had a feeling. Guess I'm not meeting the parents?"

"They're far more important than I am...they're also probably dealing with my siblings."

"Other gods I presume?" He nodded. "Well, that's just fine. I don't need to meet them anyway. I already know the one I want to know."

"Charmer."

"I try," you admitted. You glanced at the way you came, shoulders slumping. "...I don't want to leave."

"I'd say you don't have to but..."

"There'll be a point in time where I won't have to go back at all," you said, nodding your head as if you were confirming the future for the both of you. "I'm sure of it."

His smile grew, eyes staring down at you warmly as he bent down, pushing some of your hair from your face before his lips pressed to your cheek. "I shall await the day."

Your chest swelled and you copied his movements, once, then twice, then a third before you unfortunately had to pull away. You pulled your lip between your teeth and smiled, taking a few steps back. "I'll see you tomorrow, Orion."

"I'll be here." You nodded, looking at him for a couple more seconds before turning around and walking home.

You had no doubt that the future between the two of you would be anything less than wonderful. Even if it was the first day of said future.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part one

236 notes · View notes

spookyscarydemonbabe · 1 year

Text

Ralph NSFW Alphabet

A- Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Ralph isn’t the best at giving you aftercare, it’s mainly you taking care of him. He gets tired very quickly afterwards but usually if you mention a bath or a shower with him it gets him interested in helping clean you up. Most of the time you have to take care of him first, petting him and giving him praise to help relax him before he takes care of you. He’ll change back into his pajamas before picking some out for you and asking if he can brush out the tangles he put into your hair.

B- Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and their partners)

His favorite body part on himself is his smile. He thinks it makes him look so kind and endearing and after you tell him how much you love it it’s impossible for him not to love it too.

His favorite part on you has to be your hands. They always feel so soft in his and he loved getting to hold them and kiss the back of them whenever he gets the chance. His favorite thing is when you ask him to pick out your next nail polish color, he feels it’s like an honor that he gets to choose.

C- Cum (Anything to do with cum)

Whenever he cums he gets very nervous, especially if he thinks it’s going to happen too early. No matter what, even if it’s at the right time, he turns into a nervous whimpering mess and he always apologizes afterwards. But the blush he has on his face afterwards is always so adorable.

D- Dirty Secret (A dirty secret of theirs)

Though he hates it when his sister tells him what to do, he loves it when you do it. He’ll gladly do anything and everything you ask of him without a second thought, especially when it comes to things in the bedroom. He likes it much better when you tell him exactly what to do rather than do it all himself. He gets quite nervous when the attention is all on him.

E- Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He has basically no experience. He knows how to kiss and that’s about it, he doesn’t even really know much about making out, it’s just basic kissing that he knows how to do. But he’s very willing and eager to learn.

F- Favorite Position (Pretty self explanatory)

He loves missionary but it’s just because he loves having someone to hold onto while he loses control of himself. He needs someone to keep him grounded and seeing how good he’s making you feel only encourages him further.

G- Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous?)

He can be quite goofy at first but it’s not his intention, he just has a lot of questions about things that happen when the two of you are being intimate. Once he starts to learn more and get the hang of things he wants to be more serious about it because that’s what he thinks you have to do during sex but he really loves it when it’s gets all giggly between the two of you.

H- Hair (How well groomed are they?)

He likes to keep himself groomed, he just thinks it looks nicer that way. Every now and then he’ll grow it out just to see how it feels but it never gets too unruly before he gets sick of it again and shaves it.

I- Intimate (How romantic are they in the moment?)

He can get quite romantic when he needs to be. Which is almost every time you sleep with him. He likes to think of it as something special and so each and every time you have sex he’ll always treat you to breakfast the morning after or if you plan to have it that night he’ll bring you flowers and maybe a little gift.

J- Jerk Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Before you two started your relationship he did it very rarely, maybe once every two weeks or so, but ever since he met you he’s not able to get you off of his mind. It’s not his fault he lets his thoughts go to dirtier places when he thinks about you, but as soon as they start they won’t be able to stop until he takes care of himself. It gets especially difficult when you stay over and accidentally leave some clothes behind in his bedroom.

K- Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He has all sorts of kinks he’s discovered about himself but he had a few favorites. He loves to be praised and told he’s doing a good job, especially when you sprinkle in cute little pet names to make him feel better. He also loves it when you nurture and care for him, he loves to call you mommy and he found out he loves to suck titties for comfort. He just likes to feel loved and cared for.

L- Location (Favorite places to do the do)

It’s insanely rare when you do it outside of his bed or yours, though sometimes you’re able to sneak him away to a spare bedroom at whatever party he’s taken you to for the night. If he gets particularly pissed off at his sister you’re able to convince him to do it in her bed just to get back at her, and he’ll always say yes to that.

M- Motivation (What turns them on)

Seeing you is his motivation. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Each and every time he sees you all he wants is to show you all the love he has to give and he adores that you love all of his goofy antics and still want him enough to take him to bed. Not to mention how much he loves hearing how good he makes you feel during sex. Each time he hears you moan his name it only encourages him further.

N- No (Something they wouldn’t do.)

He refuses to even consider anything too hardcore. He doesn’t like bondage or getting too rough, he’s just a sweet boy who likes to know that he’s loved, he couldn’t bear to have the person he loves treat him so badly and he wouldn’t want to treat you that way either.

O- Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He really has no preference wether he gives or receives, he actually loves getting to make each other feel good at the same time, especially when you sit on his face. He always listens to everything you tell him to do just to keep hearing how he’s doing a good job, and whenever you go down on him he always acts like it’s the very first time you’re doing it.

P- Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He always starts out a bit slow just to get into things but sometimes he’ll end up losing control and getting a bit too eager. He’ll start going as fast as he possibly can just from getting so excited to be making love to you again and you’re not going to complain one bit. But he does get very tired afterwards.

Q- Quickie (Their opinions on quickies.)

He’s not a fan of them. He doesn’t like the thought of having to make everything super quick, he likes being able to have time to do everything so he never really considers them.

R- Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

He’s not one to usually take risks, you’re usually the one who has to initiate it. He gets very nervous if you hint at it but with enough convincing he’ll happily follow you into the coat room at a party for a bit of heavy petting.

S- Stamina (How many rounds can they go? How long can they last?)

He thinks he can only last for one round but sometimes after a notch or two he’s able to go all night, which surprises him just as much as it surprises you. On a normal night he can only last one round but he’s able to last for a while, especially with lots of foreplay, it can last hours if he really wants to.

T- Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or on themselves?)

He doesn’t own any toys and he personally doesn’t love using them with you. He likes being able to make you feel good but they intimidate him quite a bit.

U- Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)

He isn’t the best at teasing you but he loves it when you tease him. He gets all giggly and blushy, especially when you give him little kisses and tell him all the things you want to do together. He can’t wait to be alone with you and show you how much he loves you.

V- Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s quite loud even with just normally speaking so he can still be quite loud in bed. He turns into a whimpering moaning mess whenever he’s under you and he loves it. It’s actually quite fun to see how loud you can make him so you’ll edge and tease him for a bit until he’s begging for you to make him finish.

W- Wild Card (Random headcanon)

When he’s having a bad day all he wants is to be with you and feel close to you. He wants you to hold him and he likes to be cockwarmed while you lay with him and tell him how much you love him. He just likes to feel cared for.

X- X-Ray (What’s going on under the waistband 👀)

He’s not huge but he’s not small either. He’s pretty average, maybe just slightly bigger, around 6.5 inches and he’s got a very sensitive tip. Just touching it while he’s hard is enough to make him cum.

Y- Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It’s kind of the same as how he was with jerking off, it wasn’t very high until hr met you. All he wants is to be with you and show you how much love he has for you and he can’t wait to be with you again. Each time you come over you have to make him wait to pull you right into his bedroom.

Z- Zzz (How quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?)

He gets very sleepy afterwards but he never wants to go to sleep without making sure you’re both all cleaned up and snuggled up in bed. He loves being held so he’ll lay over you with his head on your chest or he’ll want to be the little spoon so you can hold him all night.

#ralph penbury #ralph timewasters #ralph penbury x reader #ralph penbury x female reader #ralph penbury x y/n #ralph penbury timewasters #joseph quinn

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nectaric · 5 months

Text

TOP 10 MOST SIGNIFICANT MOMENTS IN HADES' LIFE:

choose ten moments within your muses' life - moments that have impacted them the most - and explain why. moments can be good, bad, or both. tagging: @ichoric / @aetheryic, @singofus @kallistcs @brokenbow @seekesotsibteadmist @triickst @intothewildsea @madefate @championsofthegate @asoulunbound @heartheaded and you!

10. first spring without persephone. this was when it truly sunk in just how much he had messed things up. it was a period of immense reflection, and guilt, and introspection. hades thought he knew what it was to be lonely before, but this was so much worse. he realized how bad he fucked up, basically, and it impacted his future treatment of persephone significantly.

9. being swallowed. being consumed by your own father and spending your formative years in darkness and bile is pretty shitty, and its left him with some pretty serious issues, fears, and opinions on fatherhood. however, the reason this is so high up on the list is simply because of the distance between hades and this event. it was difficult, but compared to a lot of things that have come after, its… child’s play.

8. early relationships. some of the first relationships hades ever had (pre-persephone, of course) were pretty significant, and shaped his entire view of love and romance. though there’s no proof, obviously, i’ve always headcanoned a lot of “non-canon” relationships during the titanomachy. and one of those is the relationship i’ve imagined hades had with zelos during the war, which started out fairly innocent but turned out to be exploitative and unhealthy. hades was in a very vulnerable space and zelos, intentionally or not, took advantage of him, which really did not help hades’ already fragile sense of self. then there was demeter, who in my headcanon was a very positive relationship for him, one that helped to heal his perception of love, sex, and himself a little bit. after the war was leuce, who despite holding hades’ attention and affection, was not meant to be. i don’t think hades was at all ready for a relationship and therefore leuce did not work out.

7. inheriting the underworld. i don’t think hades was upset about this assignment, because he had always preferred the dark and quickly realized just how much he disliked the politics of olympus. but he wasn’t particularly thrilled either, and venturing into a massive realm, an unruly realm, and trying to make order of it was exciting, but also difficult and isolating. and it is what solidified him as this deity to be feared, not loved.

6. titans 2 (or 3?): so this existed purely in the world of roleplay w/ @ ichoric but it has been no less significant on my hades. he watched his family die, felt their souls ripped away from the world of the living. he was forced into exile, spent weeks tracking down his missing children, running himself ragged. for the first time since his youth, he was in full blown war again, which dredged up a lot of old horrors. the only good that came from this was the rekindling of old relationships, wounds being closed -- particularly with his siblings, nieces, and nephews.

5. getting sober. i think this is one that takes time for hades to come to grips with and fully recognize its impact. he knew how his drinking affected him and his family, and it’s part of his motivation for actually getting sober, but it’s not until he’s sober for a while that he realizes how much better they’re all doing and how much more enjoyable his life is, and generally how much healthier he is. despite the pain he was trying to cover up, he feels happier more often. food tastes better, he sleeps better, sex is better, everything is just so much better and he never believed it could be, but here it is and he’s so grateful for it.

4. the titanomachy. fairly obvious, here, but no less significant. he emerged from the darkness and was thrown into a ten year long war, with no skills, no safety. it was long and brutal and took so much adaptation that it left him with a lot of issues. he was physically injured, abused, manipulated, and left in fear during this time - but he also got to meet his family, make friends, and transition too. so it was a very significant period of time, in good and bad ways.

3. the birth of his children. its kind of hard to rank any one of them higher than the other, so i’m meshing them together. its also hard to compare these to the one below, so imagine that these two are sort of all meshed together. but he adored his children. he never thought he would get to be a father, but then there his children were. he cherished them. he loved being a father. he still does, i should add. but in that moment, he was content. every time one of them was born, he felt more complete. and then disaster struck :)

2. marrying persephone. aside from the chaos this also created and the sheer impact it had on the world around them, marrying persephone is also the source of almost all things good in his life. he adores his wife, grew with his wife, had beautiful children with her. the only reason i put this above the last one is because he couldn’t have the kids without her, so… i guess this wins out.

1. the death of zagreus. this completely threw his entire world into chaos, broke his spirit and tore apart his family, and hades was never the same again after this happened. everything up to this point has been quite impactful, but nothing so much as this. i’ve talked a lot about how zagreus’ death affected him, so i won’t elaborate too much, but there is no denying how much this changed his life and perspective.

#hades.#headcanon.#save.

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delaber · 2 years

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The Colour of Rain (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Part 6

Summary: On the run from his violent past, Bucky has sought refuge in a small town in Mexico where he enjoys the peace and quiet of not understanding a word of Spanish. A peace that is violently disturbed when he runs into the most annoying woman he has ever met.

Words: 1.7K

Warnings: a lil bit of heartbreak

Previous Part | Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Day thirty

Bucky wakes up late the next morning to a stripe of beautiful, warm sunlight hitting him straight in the face. It takes him a minute to understand where he is, but when he sees the flowered wallpaper surrounding him and smells the warm vanilla travelling into the small square room from the kitchen down the hallway, he realises that he is lying on a disappointingly empty mattress in her bedroom.

He can hear her humming happily from the kitchen as she makes breakfast for the two of them, and he can't help but smile stupidly to himself as he puts his hands behind his head and soaks in everything around him from the colourful furniture in her flowered room to the happy sun shining in through the windows, illuminating everything inside of him. He feels it come creeping up behind him; the foreign feeling of happiness, and he realises that for the first time since before the war, he feels lucky, clean, worthy! This has been the best night he's ever had! The way she in her sleep had had her legs wrapped closely around his and had pushed her steady breathing up against his neck when she'd nuzzled into his chest have him wishing he could fall back into her safe embrace and stay there forever. Just lie there and enjoy tiny fingers, soft skin, blue finger nails melting into him as he constantly pulls her closer, closer, closer.

Suddenly missing her more than he thought possible after just a few minutes of being awake, he quickly locates his discarded clothes and follows the lovely humming coming from the room next door.

She's standing with her back towards him, perfectly cute with bare legs and in an oversized white t-shirt that reaches the middle of her thighs but rides up a little when she happily wriggles her hips back and forth to the tune of a song he doesn't know.

"Hey," he clears his throat and pats down his unruly hair as he watches her whip around with a huge smile on her face.

"Oh, hey. Good morning," she breathes happily and rests her hip against the kitchen counter as her gaze travels up and down his body a few times before she snaps her eyes up to meet his again. "How did you sleep?" She grins and shifts the weight on her feet. "- I was just about to go wake you up."

"Yeah, yeah I slept good," he grins at the memory of last night and runs his hand through his hair again, slightly disappointed that his impatience has robbed him of a few extra minutes with her in her bedroom. "How about you?"

"Oh, I've slept fantastic," she bites down on her lower lip with a snigger, leans forward and puts her elbows down on the kitchen island separating them with a warm stare.

"Yeah?" He can't help but chuckle as he takes in her impressed grin. "That's good."

"It is," she agrees and uses the spatula she's holding to point to a plate of freshly made waffles next to her. "I was so excited to finally cook for you that I accidentally made a big batch,” she giggles and his heart nearly stops at her confession, “I hope you're hungry."

"Yeah, starving,” he nods eagerly, sits down on one of the stools at the end of the island and silently watches her pour him a cup of coffee from a pot on the stove before she hands it over to him with a smile. He can’t help but think to himself how weird it feels to be in such a domestic setting; to be waking up to symphonies from the next room, to be handed coffee he hasn’t even asked for, to have someone cook him breakfast. He never thought he'd experience it again. Still, it feels good, it feels natural, and he can literally feel how his heart is soaring like crazy every time he catches her eye.

"Hey - uhm -" she says quietly as she picks at a non-existent stain on the hem of her white t-shirt to avoid looking directly at him, "- I don't really have any plans for today so I was wondering if you'd wanna do something together? Go for a walk or watch a movie or something?" her nervous gaze briefly glances over him and he burns his tongue on the hot coffee in excitement.

“Yeah!” he grins and ignores the numbness washing over his tastebuds, “I'd love to!”

She smiles dreamily, looks down at the plate between them with a cute little chuckle as she continues: "maybe you'll tell me a bit about yourself, then?" She asks while she pulls a waffle over on her plate with the biggest smile he's ever seen. "Apart from the fact that you were in the military, I don't know a single thing about you..." she says curiously and reaches out for the maple syrup to her right.

Her words are sweet. They’re meant as a cute way of flirtation, a positive sign that she wants to get to know him better, that she's invested in him and what little he has to offer but it only reminds him that her company comes at a heavy price: if it continues like this with dates, and kisses, and forbidden touches in the dark, he'll have to open up about himself and tell her the truth at some point. Tell her who he is, and what he’s done, and why he’s in Mexico.

Immediately, he feels his heart clench in his chest. His guts are moving uncomfortably while the smile on his face first freezes, then falters. He can't let her get too close. She can't know. He's a war criminal: brainwashed, dangerous, not to be trusted. A weapon with a conscience darker than tar and she’s the warmest, kindest, most gentle person in the entire world… If he continues seeing her, he will put her in danger. Not just because the code words to control The Winter Soldier are still edged in the cortex of his thick head, but he will have made her a complicit in hiding a fugitive and she will - like him - be hunted down. Fuck, why did he have to be so selfish??? He has to protect her... She can’t know. She can never know. He will rather end it now than corrupt her innocence and have her hate herself when she realises that she almost slept with an enemy of the state.

His sudden lack of words seem to have caught her attention and with a light smile on her lips, she looks up at him again only to have her face fall into folds matching his when she takes in his pale cheeks. "Hey..." she leans forward over the kitchen island and looks at him with concerned eyes, "- did I say something wrong?"

"No," he mumbles lifelessly and puts down the cutlery he'd held in his hands. "I should get going,” he sighs and avoids looking at her.

"Bucky, wait… - what?" He can hear the confusion in her voice, feel her inner turmoil. "…Why?"

"I just remembered that I have plans,” he mumbles.

"…Bucky," she whispers tenderly and shuffles around the table to meet him, tries to reach out to touch him but he slowly backs away.

"I- I have to go," he breathes hard, bites his cheek and fixates his gaze on a spot behind her so he doesn't have to see the hurt on her face.

From the corner of his eye, he can see her staring up at him with a begging look. "…Did I upset you?" she asks, the pain evident in her voice.

"No, of course not," he tries smiling but even he can sense it's half-assed. "- don't worry about it."

Her eyes are big and confused as she takes in the defensive position he's holding. Her gaze travels down his entire body, examines the tense muscle groups before her beautiful eyes reach his face again. "…Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm perfect, yeah," he once again tries smiling as he pulls on his leather jacket and finally finds the nerve to look at her face. "I'll see you around, okay?"

Her chest is rising fast as she looks at him, clearly confused by the hard rejection after the wonderful night they've just shared. "What about... - what about last night?" she breathes hard as she tries to find reason in his behaviour.

"What about it?" He asks as if it meant nothing, clenches his jaw shut to keep the pain in check when she pulls her arms around her chest to protect herself.

I’m doing this for you, he wants to tell her, I don’t want to hurt any more people. Especially not you…

"...Never mind," she replies lifelessly.

It feels as if a million needles bore into his heart when he sees the hurt look on her face as her mouth closes completely shut to stop herself from making an even bigger fool of herself. He has to actively remind himself that this is how it's supposed to be. He should've realised what he was doing with her much sooner.

It's with a heavy heart that he leaves her at the kitchen table and heads for the door. He can hear her heart beating loudly in her chest; it’s hammering wildly and he's afraid that if he turns around, he won't be able to refrain from comforting her so he quickly exits her little blue house and closes the door shut behind him without looking back. Doesn't stop moving until he's on his motorcycle, racing through the city that despite his initial thought this morning is way too sunny today.

He shuts himself inside, closes the blinds to his apartment and spends the rest of the day in bed cursing at himself, hating his weakness for not having pushed her away sooner. He can’t have any soft spots.

He doesn't even find the alebrije in his coat pocket until hours later and when he pulls out the colourful panther and puts it on his bedside table, his stomach hurts even more. As if he's the one evil spirit it couldn't protect her from.

Next part

Tag-list: @elemenhoepe @summerofsnowflakes @theselilwonders @cency @selmachoukri @fictional-l0v3r @siesala @navs-bhat @natbarnes1917 @madwitch7 @goldylions @mysticatto @lesbians4levinson2021 @glxwingrxse @cjand10 @ladyravenclaw @kaaashie @ecolle @real-jane @roses-are-deadly @anxietyandtacos @buuuuuuucky @voidshoutsback @buckysbb @03stepedwa @sonicisnotsober

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes enemies to lovers #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #sebastian stan #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x you #mcu bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #mcu fanfiction angst #mcu fanfiction #enemies to lovers

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plaidbooks · 2 years

Text

Homegrown chapter 9

A/N: Hey y’all! So, this chapter mostly follows Gallowglass and his pov. Lyra will be more in the next chapter! Hope you all enjoy!

Tags: minor talks of injuries, some self-hatred from GG

Words: 1825

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @adowbaldwin

“Well?” Gallowglass asked, his arms crossed. He was leaning against the wall across from the door to Lyra’s room, eyes to the floor.

“Her left shoulder is broken, along with a few ribs and more bruised. She has a concussion and multiple cuts, but otherwise, she’s fine,” Marcus answered, closing Lyra’s door softly, letting her sleep. He’d have to wake her up soon to make sure the concussion didn’t worsen.

Gallowglass nodded, then turned to resume his pacing.

Marcus watched for a moment before tackling the elephant in the room. “Are you really not going to go see her?”

“No.”

“Why not? She needs you now more than ever,” Marcus reasoned.

“I can’t.”

Marcus rolled his eyes. “And why not? Too busy hating yourself?” Gallowglass stopped pacing and glared at his cousin, but Marcus simply scoffed, “I’ve seen it enough with Matthew.”

“I’m not hating myself—not like Matthew does. But I’m…fighting.”

“Fighting? Fighting what? You don’t have bloodrage.”

Gallowglass looked away. “I know that. But…seeing his mark on her, when she’s my mate…. My instinct is pushing me to…exert my dominance, to mark my mate as mine. But that would only hurt and confuse her more. I can’t do that to her, Marcus.”

Marcus thought about this—he imagined what he’d do and feel if Phoebe had been bitten by an enemy vampire. Even thinking about it had him clenching his fists, grinding his jaw.

Even so…. “You can’t just abandon her, not now.”

Gallowglass had no response to that, and he resumed his pacing. Marcus just sighed, then went to grab a glass of water for his new patient.

*************

The first thing Lyra noticed was the pain throughout her body. Whenever she felt like one part hurt the most, another would throb, and she’d wince.

The second thing she noticed was a vampire’s gaze on her face. Fear rushed through her as she thought of Liam watching her sleep. But when her eyelids fluttered open, she found Marcus sitting by her bed.

“It’s just me, Lyra,” he said, nostrils flaring slightly as he took in her scent of fear. “Here, drink this.” He handed her a glass of water, and she took it with a shaky hand. It was then that she noticed her left arm in a sling. Marcus saw her confusion and fought the urge to sigh—he wasn’t as used to her ignorance as Gallowglass was.

“Your shoulder is broken—it’ll be in that sling for quite a while.” His expression softened, as did his voice, “you’re pretty beaten up, so just take a few days to rest, yeah?”

Marcus took the glass from her after she drank her fill, and she cleared her aching throat. “Where’s Eric?” she asked, voice raspy.

“He’s…busy. Family business. I don’t know when he’ll be back.”

Lyra nodded, but the motion hurt her head, and she closed her eyes against the nausea. A tear escaped down her cheek, then another. She missed Gallowglass, needed his calmness to be there with her, to help explain what the hell happened.

“You should rest some more,” Marcus said. “I’ll wake you in a bit to make sure you’re doing okay. And if the pain is too much, I can get you some morphine—it’s a drug that—”

“No!” Lyra objected, eyes flying open. “No drugs, please.”

Marcus’s eyes scanned her face before he agreed, “no drugs, then.”

***************

Gallowglass stood next to Lyra’s bed, watching the rise and fall of her chest. She’d been home for a few days now, and the bruises on her face and body were finally starting to fade. Unbidden, his eyes would trail to the bandage on her neck. Being a vampire bite, it should’ve already healed by now, but Gallowglass knew Marcus had it covered for his benefit.

He still couldn’t bring himself to see Lyra when she was awake. As much as he reassured Marcus that he was having trouble with the bite, that was only a partial truth. The full truth was exactly what Marcus thought it was—he hated himself. It was his fault Lyra had been taken, he just knew it. And then add on that he hadn’t been there to protect her.

Which is why he decided to make his lie the truth. Lyra believed that he was gone on family business, and so, he would leave, asking Baldwin for something to do. That is, if his uncle decided to speak to him again. Gallowglass could still feel where Baldwin had struck him, even if it had healed.

“You killed the only lead we had!” Baldwin had yelled once Lyra was home safely. Then, his uncle had left, heading back to the Congregation.

Lyra’s blood pressure rose slightly, and Gallowglass was snapped back to the present. He watched her face scrunch up, and he knew she was having a nightmare. An urge swept through him, and he took a step towards her, hand outstretched. He wanted to wake her, to save her from her fears, but he stopped himself. With a sigh, he headed for her door.

If he couldn’t save her from another vampire, then he wouldn’t save her from anything, ever.

*****************

The sun was starting to rise when Gallowglass made it to his motorcycle. He was done with this place, with France in general. Every time he was here, it just hurt more. The spirit of Hugh refused to leave him alone, but at least with Lyra, it was bearable.

Lyra…. No, he wasn’t going to think about her nestled in her bed, crying for him. He knew she did, could hear her sobs as he sat in the hallway, just out of sight. He had heard her ask Marcus with every visit when he’d be back.

Today, though, she finally asked, “is Eric mad at me?” It broke his heart to think that she believed his anger rested upon her. So, he’d leave her behind, forever. Let her think of him what she will—hell, it’d be better if she hated him. Even if the thought made his eyes burn.

“So, when do I get to meet my daughter-in-law?” a familiar voice asked from the shadows.

It wasn’t often that someone could sneak up on Gallowglass, but his papai had his ways. Still, Gallowglass was trained to not show his emotions, and he didn’t let his shock show.

“Never,” he replied, not turning from his motorcycle.

Fernando stepped towards him, melding out from the shadows to stand by him. “And here I thought I’d regal her with tales of your adolescence.” He smiled, but Gallowglass knew he wasn’t stupid; he could see what his son was doing.

“I’m leaving, papai,” Gallowglass said, throwing a leg over the motorcycle.

“No, you’re running. Something I find you doing more and more,” Fernando replied, his eyes sad. “I thought you were the muscle of the family. The one people didn’t mess with. Not the one to turn tail when it gets too hard—”

“I’m not going to hurt her,” Gallowglass growled. The past few days, he’s kept his emotions in check, but now that he was having his insecurities shoved in his face, his blood was boiling. “She deserves better than me, someone who won’t get her killed!”

Fernando simply shook his head, his calming demeanor infuriating. “So, is that it? She’s too weak for you?”

“I never said she’s weak! She’s pure, innocent, and she doesn’t need a monster like me to drag her into hell!”

“You’re afraid of bringing her into your world,” Fernando said with understanding.

“Finally, ya get it!” Gallowglass yelled, gesturing with an arm. But Fernando wasn’t done.

“And you’re afraid to join her world.”

He glared at his papai. “What the hell does that mean?!”

“I know you, William—you think through multiple possibilities. It’s how you’ve stayed alive so long,” Fernando said. “Sure, you’re afraid that staying here with Lyra will put her in danger—and you were proven right with her abduction. But you also could take her back home and stay with her in an unnamed cottage, in an unnamed forest.”

Gallowglass let these words sink in, shaking his head slightly, but Fernando continued, “this, of course, would mean that you’d have to settle down. But you’re a nomad, never stilling in one place long enough for anything. You’re afraid to let yourself feel happiness, peace, love. And joining Lyra in her world would mean leaving Gallowglass de Clermont behind, and becoming Eric, which is uncharted territory for you.”

For one brilliant, beautiful moment, Gallowglass envisioned it; him and Lyra outside a small cottage, working in the garden. Her hair and smile are bright in the sun, her eyes full of love and adoration as she laughs at something he said.

A blood tear welled and dripped down his cheek. Fuck, he wanted that so, so badly. But then his insecurities came crashing back in. Could he live with her like that? What if one of his many enemies finds them? What if Baldwin or Marcus call him in through the Knights or family? And what if Lyra learned of his murderous and violent past? He never claimed to be a saint, but he was afraid of the terror she’d have—he got a glimpse of it in that hellhole he found her in, and it hurt so bad, like a dagger in his heart.

“You’re overthinking again,” Fernando said, bringing him back to the present, straddling his motorcycle.

“Too much could go wrong,” Gallowglass replied, shaking his head.

Fernando moved in front of his motorcycle, stopping him from leaving. “Do you think love is easy? Like it’s not a commitment you have to work on daily? No one ever said having a mate was easy! But the point is that you have each other through the downs and celebrate during the ups! For fuck’s sake, William, get your head out of your ass and take advantage of the gift the Gods have given you!”

Gallowglass blinked as if his papai had hit him. All the fight drained out of him, and he was a boy looking at his father once more.

“I’m scared, papai,” he muttered, voice wavering. He slumped forward, wishing that he could cry like a human.

Fernando stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Gallowglass’s broad shoulders and holding him close. “Love is scary, William, but so, so worth it. Trust me, having a mate will change your whole life for the better.”

They stood in an embrace while the sun rose above the hills. The birds started chirping, and the day started anew. With the warmth of the morning sun, a resolve settled on his shoulders.

Finally, when Gallowglass composed himself, he muttered, “ready to meet her?”

Fernando’s face broke into a wide smile, “of course!”

“She’s not your daughter-in-law yet, so don’t call her that, okay?”

Fernando laughed, making Gallowglass chuckle. Then, he led his papai into the chateau.

#gallowglass x oc #gallowglass de clermont x oc #adow #adow fanfic #fanfic #a discovery of witches fanfic #homegrown #my writing

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inoankin · 1 year

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Okay but, with Assad and Carl, a hug prompt like 24 seems like a thing that could easily turn into 21 if you ask me. What with how chronically in need of that kind of thing they both seem to be

this lends itself very well to an idea i had a while ago. hope this is satisfactory!

This Too Shall Pass

Assad shows up at Carl's door in the middle of the night. (Ao3)

____________________

If there’s one thing Carl has ever liked, it’s being alone.

Well, that’s not true. He kind of hates being alone, most of the time, but his whole life he’s preferred to keep people at a distance rather than be vulnerable for even a second and he’s fucking working on it, okay?

That being said, he’s always appreciated the peace and quiet after a long day of chasing horror stories. To light up a cigarette and fall onto his stiff couch, let the exhaustion and nicotine wash over him until he can lull himself to sleep. It’s not luxurious, but it is comforting. Especially after a case like this. Carl takes another drag, holding the smoke in for a moment before blowing it out into the rest of the room. It’s useless thinking about it now—the DNA results aren’t coming for another two days, and there’s not much they can do until then. He’ll just have to wait.

He’s halfway through lifting the cigarette to his mouth when he freezes. The doorbell rings, echoes off the hard surfaces of the empty house before it settles into the cold of the walls. Carl sighs. Leans forward to snuff the smoke into the tray on the coffee table.

When he opens the door, he’s not sure what he expects. A drunken neighbour who mistook this house for their own; a simple package, even though he hadn’t ordered anything; maybe just fucking nothing because some kid thought it’d be funny to play ding-dong-ditch. He doesn’t expect to see Assad. And he definitely doesn’t expect to see Assad shivering, curled in on himself, leaning against his doorway like he can’t hold his own weight.

Carl blinks. “Assad?”

His hair hangs over his face when he lowers his head, voice low and rough.

“May I come in?”

Carl steps back, gesturing a silent welcome. Assad steps inside, steadying himself on the wall before he makes his way into the house. He frowns. Watches from the doorway before a cold breeze rolls in and reminds him to close it.

He follows a few metres behind. A million questions buzz in his mind, but he holds his tongue.

They both come to a stop once Assad reaches the kitchen, fiddling with the coffee maker. He says nothing as it begins to brew. Only holds himself on the counter, breathing deliberate but a bit unsteady; his hair, which he’s been tying back as it’s grown longer, hangs loose and unruly around his head. His grip is white around the edge of the granite.

Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong.

Carl tries to find the words as Assad pours himself a cup. His hand shakes as he holds his coffee.

“Are you… what happened?”

He shakes his head.

“I… I don’t know. They didn’t—I panicked. I should have…”

Carl steps forward. “What’s wrong?”

He trembles so violently Carl fears he’ll drop the mug. He takes it from his hands, setting it on the counter and placing a hand in his arm to turn him. Assad’s face is firm but cracking. It threatens to buckle under the weight of whatever haunts him.

“Assad, kig på mig. Look at me.”

That does it.

Assad tips forward, and Carl grabs his shoulders to steady him. But he isn’t falling.

He clutches the back of Carl’s shirt and buries his head in the crook of his shoulder. His shoulders shake, but he makes no sound. Just shivers in his arms.

His words are so quiet Carl’s half-convinced he’s imagined them.

“Why this?”

He stutters. “Pardon?”

Assad holds him tighter. “Of all—all the times I’ve been shot… why is this the one that scares me so much?”

Something within his chest cracks in two. Slowly, unsure of exactly what he’s doing, he moves his arms to wrap around Assad’s shoulders. It’s tense, something foreign and strange. He’s not sure when he’d hugged someone last. It certainly hadn’t been for their benefit.

Carl fights his urge to push away.

“I don’t know.” It’s a pathetic answer, but he can’t muster anything else. Carl offers it up again, as if putting it in company will make up for its own inadequacy. “I don’t know.”

Maybe he should say more. But he doesn’t know what, and Assad goes silent against his shoulder, so he lets it be. They hold one another in Carl’s kitchen, quiet in each other’s company. Assad melts, little-by-little. Cold, hard edges soften once again, and maybe he shouldn’t say more. Maybe he doesn’t need to. Maybe this is enough.

Carl was never good with words anyway.

“Undskyld—I’m sorry,” says Assad. Still, he doesn’t pull away. Carl closes his eyes and wills himself to do this right. This one thing. He takes a breath.

“Don’t apologise. You can’t handle all your issues alone. Trust me, I tried.”

That earns him a wet laugh. He tries not to celebrate too much.

Assad exhales. His breath tickles the back of Carl’s neck. That strangeness creeps back into his limbs, and he feels for a moment like he’s just come back into his own body.

Assad stiffens a little as well. They stand together in Carl’s kitchen, completely silent.

It’s awkward.

They extract themselves from each other, and Carl puts a few feet of space between them. Assad repeats himself. “Undskyld.”

He takes his coffee again—his hands don’t shake as much as he brings it to his lips. Carl crosses his arms and looks off.

“Um—hungry?”

“No, not really.”

Carl grimaces. He wishes he was better at this stuff.

“You want a smoke?”

fin.

#wanted assad to have some time with the pathetic ball as well #he deserves a little treat #afdeling q #velvet writes #velvet answers #lambentwarg

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sweethurtss · 2 years

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last night, in my half-awake state, I wrote a long rambling post about an RDR2 thought that had been bothering me for a hot second now. the TDLR of it is:

Abigail slept with three of the men in camp AT MOST, not “everyone” like Dutch said

Which, by the by, Dutch is manipulative and a fucking liar. ESPECIALLY when he said that to John, he was just trying to get under John’s skin.

Dutch’s ego has always been way too large. He wouldn’t have allowed John and Abi to be together without pulling some sort of power play just to remind people that she was “his” first. Because lets be real: Dutch definitely feels like he owns the women he’s been with.

And I KNOW the whole camp didn’t sleep with her because I honestly believe they would’ve been throwing that in John’s face at every little provocation - or even just to get a rise out of him since everyone gets on John like that. So the fact that they don’t? yeah. especially the likes of Bill and, again, Dutch.

Like, the canon gang isn’t as sunshine and flowers as fandoms writes them sometimes. They can be rude to each other, and sometimes it’s just teasing, but they also know each other well enough to know how to get under each other’s skin.

Also... Abigail knows men and she’s a lot smarter than people give her credit for. If she knew she was going to run with the gang for even half as long as she does, I don’t think she’d endanger herself by messing around with everyone. That’d be shitting where she ate, and it doesn’t take a genius to know that.

She likely watched everyone and took in the social dynamics before deciding. This feels fairly accurate since we also see that she she stays with Hosea when her and John are fighting/on the outs. And it's more safe for her to do business outside of the camp, at least that way, she can bring in new money to their funds and prove her worth outside of her connection to the men.

Of the three men that Abi did potentially sleep with, it’s likely Arthur, Javier, and the canonical John because the first two are probably the most emotionally mature about their sexual relationships and I think Abigail would trust their temperaments to keep things civil around camp if she ever said no to them.

Everyone’s devotion to Dutch is probably a red flag to her too. She’s always seen through his B.S. to some degree (not all the way through, but enough to sniff out how phony he can be). But that’s EXACTLY why she likely never wanted a relationship with Arthur. His deep ties with the gang and Dutch specifically would frighten her, it would be condemning herself (and later Jack) to the exact lifestyle that she was begging John to get them out of.

(Also, how often did she hear Hosea speak fondly of Bessie? Of the time they left the gang (before his eventual return). I think the epilogue is truly all about them both falling back in love with each other and working towards a better future for their family.)

Because unlike Arthur, John was at least rebellious. He was very opinionated and Abigail felt safe knowing John wasn’t totally indoctrinated and blindly following Dutch's orders, often doing things his own way. And that he even had that freedom to do it to the degree he did.

(Like, I love Arthur so damn much, but the game is literally all about him falling out with Dutch and the gang falling to pieces, and the inevitable doom that comes with being in too deep to save yourself - but still being able to save those around you.)

Abigail just couldn’t ever account for how traumatic fatherhood was for John. And I think she kind of fell out of love with him in RDR2, even when she still saw him as an important factor to getting out of the gang — it’s a dangerous world for a single mother and baby boy after all

Also side note: am kind of loving this idea that John got away with so much in the gang because not only was he a kid when they first picked him up, but because for as unruly and argumentative as he could be, Dutch always thought John was as devoted to the gang as Arthur and Hosea. So when John ran away after Jack was born? That was likely a huge ass betrayal and fed into Dutch’s deepest fears that any of them could turn on him, which we see him accusing Arthur of as early as Horseshoe Overlook (some people even say it happens earlier).

I also firmly believe Jack is John’s, especially since we see John is constantly trying to figure out a way he couldn’t be. But I think she must have fallen pregnant in their ‘honeymoon’ phase, when they were doing everything together and always attached at the hip — because I do think John courted her properly enough, instead of just paying for her services. And we do know that she used to go out on missions all the time before she had Jack, so it doesn’t feel entirely unplausible.

there was likely more but this was the most pressing stuff on my head lol

#// i dont NEED to write a character from this game #// but if I WERE to do so #// it'd probs be her #ooc * mun posting !

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purplesurveys · 2 years

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1482

What did you do last night? Managed and led a major event that I have worked and lost sleep for in the last week alone. God am I so fucking glad that everything’s over – I lost Kimi in the midst of it all and I will forever resent the fact that this stupid thing delayed my grieving process.

In any case, this is the first big, on-ground event I ever led and I’m glad it went well, and even more fulfilling to see your work and your vision come to life despite only having a one-week leadtime to pull off such a grand event.

What was the first thing you thought about in the morning? I took one look at my phone and told Bea and Liara, who were in the hotel room with me, “Guys...it’s really 9 AM?” Hahaha. Your girl was knocked the fuck out after that event. I also immediately felt how sore my throat felt - pretty sure that was because I chugged ice-cold water the night before, after not eating and drinking the whole day.

What are you wearing right now? I have a black tank top and black sweatpants.

When was the last time you got drunk? It may have been two or three Fridays ago, I think. Partying or watching a movie? Uh, depends on my mood. I think I’d almost always pick partying though.

What pisses you off the most? Incredibly unruly drivers. In all my years of driving it’s usually the trucks, taxis, and pickup trucks that act like the biggest assholes of all assholes on the road.

Last thing you questioned yourself on? If my event was really a success, and if I did well managing it, and if the guests had fun. Then again it’s inevitable to have those thoughts when you hold the biggest responsibility over a certain task, so I try not to dwell too much on these thoughts anymore. The event has already ended, and it was what it was.

Bars or clubs? Bars. The food is better and the atmosphere is also nicer and more suitable for catching up with friends.

Where do you want to be at a year from now? Oh dear...a whole year. Maybe in a new job? I’m pretty sure I said this a year ago too and look where I still am now, so I highly doubt anything would change. But on another side of things, maybe it’d be nice to have saved a little bit more? and maybe travel someplace farther. How many kids would you like to have? Two at most would be nice, but I don’t know if I’d still have any.

What is your favorite trait about yourself? I like that I’m loyal.

Anything bothering you right now? My literal entire body is aching after rushing around and carrying my laptop in my arms all afternoon and evening yesterday. I’ve applied a lifetime’s worth of ointment all over my arms and legs once I got home earlier but I think what I’ll really be needing a massage, haha.

Do you like pickles? God no. Take them out of all my meals, please. It’s not a very common addition where I’m from, so my palate never got used to the taste.

When was the last time you got a phone call? Earlier this afternoon when I was driving. So for context, I had bought an all-new extension cord yesterday to bring to our event in case of emergency...then I ended up forgetting about it...anyway, I reached out to the hotel this morning to ask if they could look for it. The phone call I got was them telling me their search turned out negative. :(

Bea suggested I can have the purchase reimbursed anyway by the company, but I told her I wanted this to serve as a lesson for myself, and I’ll just have to deal with the P800 I lost in a day, lol. Where do you work? At home. We do have a physical office, but we haven’t gone back in full since the company grew during the pandemic and the current space isn’t going to fit everybody. We have the choice to work there though, on a sign-up basis.

Who is your favorite football team? I don’t follow football.

Have you ever bobbed for apples? Idk what that means.

Have you ever thought you could do a better job at being president? Nah. I’m terrible at negotiation, which is a crucial side in jobs like that. I’d be pissing off people and whole-ass countries from day one, lmao.

If you could only drink one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? If health effects wouldn’t be a concern, iced coffee.

What’s one food you could eat everyday for the rest of your life? Sushi. Literally any kind of it. Katsu is also quickly becoming my favorite.

You’re in line at Taco Bell, what’s your order? I dunno the names of their items because we have only like two branches here that I know of and I get Taco Bell once a year a most...but I’ll get one of their burritos, whatever they call it.

How many months are there until your birthday? 10 months.

Have you gotten gum stuck in your hair? Once as a kid but the experience had been surprisingly manageable.

Where is your sister right now? I think I just heard her bedroom door open and close so she must’ve already turned in.

Is your handwriting large, tiny, or pretty normal? It gets pointed out a lot that it’s rather tiny.

Are you currently listening to a song? No but I’ve had For Youth playing in my head on reeeepeeeeeat for a while now.

If yes, what song is it? Man I’m always one step ahead...

Do you have a digital camera? Nah. I never owned a digicam.

Do you own any kind of yellow clothing? Sure. I literally had on a yellow skirt yesterday for my event.

What time is it? 12:23 AM. What color are your eyes? Dark brown.

How long does it take you to shower? 5-10 minutes. I take longer whenever I have to have my shaving routine, but for the most part I like to be quick and snappy in the bathroom.

What jewelry do you wear all the time? Oh I never wear jewelry. I usually only would for family functions, but nothing beyond that.

Any siblings? A sister and a brother, yes.

What are you doing tomorrow? I imagine we’re gonna go to mass but I also just want to rest for the whole day tomorrow. I haven’t had a decent rest in like, 9 days...so I do just want to have one day dedicated to absolutely nothing.

What color are your socks? I’m not wearing any at the moment but the last pair I wore was a dark green. When’s the last time you went to the zoo? It’s been like half a decade, I’m sure. I don’t like going to zoos.

What color do you wish your eyes were? I’m fine with the color of my eyes. It’s not like Filipinos can choose anyway unless they were born half-something.

How long is your hair? It’s longer than I would want it to be at this point. It’s nearly waist-level now.

Can others make you cry easily? Not people. But thinking of certain things can send me crying...the most recent trigger these days would be Kimi. I could cry within seconds thinking of him.

Whose house did you last go to? My grandmother’s, last weekend as is our Sunday tradition. We’ll probably head there again tomorrow but I might have to pass. I’m too tired.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? I don’t have anything but a nightgown on. This is from my mom, idk where she got it. Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? Not yet but definitely nothing too suffocating. I’ve had a rough week and all I wanna do is show up for that one-hour church service in something comfy and head the fuck right back home.

How has the past week been? It sucked. I lost my dog and my best friend and didn’t have the time to properly grieve him because I had to work extreme overtime hours to prep for this event that we were given just one week to pull off. It’s something I’ll always feel resentful towards and I’ll never forget the fact that I had no choice but to break down and cry during my shift hours just to let myself process my feelings.

What year were you born in? 1998.

What size shoe do you wear? 6.5 hahahahaha I have tiny feet!

When did you first get your period? I was 10.

Do you like thunderstorms? Yes, I love them.

Do you have a bad attitude? It can sometimes come out but I don’t think I’m overall a negative person. Are you the first born? Yes, you are exactly right. Are you a vegetarian? Nope.

Are you eating? Yeah, I have a cake slice beside me.

#survey #surveys

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stevesfuzzypinkslippers · 3 months

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when i was younger, i was the definition of a troublemaker.

i was unruly, disruptive, misbehaving. i dissociated a lot. i had trouble making friends and forming solid connections in school. seems like the only people i really ever talked to were the teachers who gave me detention, they were actually nice to me albeit yelled at me for being so all over the place. i couldn’t sit still. i talked too much. i talked too loud. at least that’s what all the kids said about me.

turns out all my behavioral problems were linked to something, not just loneliness and countless insecurities. whenever my mom wasn’t being a kindergarten teacher, she was a therapist. i liked to think of her as my own personal therapist. but one time in elementary school, she brought me to another therapist, and after a few tests, they concluded that i had adhd. not the most severe case, they said. still, it was enough to make me think i had a terrible curse. an irreversible infliction.

i spent that night like i did all my other nights after i went to school and successfully failed at making a single friend: cried myself to sleep. i talked because i was lonely. i thought too much because there was nothing else i could do. and it only felt wrong to occupy my time this way.

luckily, this was years ago, and i could also very easily put the past behind me. i matured since then, although my adhd hasn’t completely gone away. and i have a new pastime, helping my mom out in the kindergarten classroom.

“this will help you i think,” she had said to me when i first heard about the opportunity, “since you struggle to make friends.”

“but mom,” i chuckled, “i’m 23. these kids are not even five. how could they possibly love some big dumb freak like me?”

“don’t call yourself that,” she responded sternly, “and just believe in yourself. they’re too young to know how to judge, or to know what adhd is. all the kids’ attention spans are pretty short, anyway. i mean come on. they’re four.”

that was why i called her my therapist. because i knew i could count on her to turn my outlook around straight away.

i quickly became popular in that classroom.

there were two girls who always sat next to each other, emma and ashley, who would always be so excited to see me.

“patrick!” emma would exclaim, looking up from her coloring book, while ashley would simply jump out of her seat, run up and hug my legs. she was a real sweetheart. loved to hug. even if it was a stranger. green eyes and long straight dark hair that her face always seemed to hide behind. emma’s was more short and blonde. and she had blue eyes.

i knew emma lived with her parents are her older siblings, alex and tegan, who were actually twins. tegan was an 80’s-obsessed dancer, and alex liked to play acoustic guitar. they all lived in my neighborhood.

ashley too. she was an only child, but i got to see her mom pretty often. ashley’s full name was ashley amberlyn perry, which was the most regal name i’d ever heard. she was beautiful. her mom was a banker, and she was married to some lead singer of this huge rock and roll band who always seemed to be on the road, on tour. apparently ashley looked just like her dad. her dada, as she would often quipped. my god, did she miss him.

“mommy,” she would say to her mom during drop off, tugging on her arm, “i want dada to see this. can you show this to dada? please?” and it would break my heart how nicely she would ask, knowing it would be an indefinite while before they’d see each other again. rem, her mom, told me that her husband, stevie, loved and missed their girl to death, often bragging about her to his bandmates and showing pics of her to them. always facetiming, always texting. it was hard being a single parent. i felt for rem. but she seemed pretty confident in her abilities.

“miss ruby’s making us color today!” emma would then say (she was the more talkative one), and miss ruby was how the kids knew my mom.

well, every kid except for one.

hannah was my little sister. it actually came as a surprise to us all, when she was born. i was too scared to hold her, so i would always observe my mom holding her from afar. i had a deep fascination for babies when i was a teenager. for some reason. it was more of a random infliction that slowly went away when hannah began to grow up.

yet i often feared that she would see me the way i saw myself. troubled, confused, immature.

but hannah had her own imperfections that made her special to me.

every time i would scan around the classroom, she’d always sit at a table near the corner of the room, all by herself.

she loved to color. she was one of the most imaginative kids i knew. the problem was, she was also one of the more inverbal.

contrary to what everyone thought, she didn’t have autism. she was simply the polar opposite of what i was when i was around her age: antisocial. but don’t let that fool you. on the inside, i knew that she was the biggest angel, the biggest sweetheart, and she had the biggest love for me. mom too.

our dad was really the only one who wasn’t the kindest to us. to anyone, really. we never got to see him much, but when we did, hannah would hide in her room because she got easily scared. give her a break, she was only four.

my mom was trying her absolute hardest to get her to open up more and make friends. but she was stubborn. the only person she ever really opened up around was me.

apart from having attention deficit, i was a pretty basic, average guy. i liked to play video games. i liked to watch late night star wars marathons on saturdays. other times i just liked to be outdoors, sitting under this tree we have in our backyard near the giant pond that connects all the houses in our neighborhood. these ducklings would sometimes crawl up into my lap, and they’d have the cutest squeak. that brought me peace. nothing, no force in the world could possibly disturb it. not even my own negative thoughts. i never seemed to have any when i was in the presence of nature, or children. mom says that was effective in offsetting adhd.

one day i decided to take a seat next to hannah.

she instantly shied away from me, grabbing fistfuls of where her hair hung down and covered her face with it.

“hey,” i chuckled softly, “i’m no stranger!” i glanced over her shoulder and saw that she was in the middle of coloring a page with turtles.

“whatcha working on?” i asked her, hoping she’d tell me.

no response.

seeing the turtles on there made me think of something else.

“did you bring misha today?” misha was her stuffed turtle that she always brought with her to kindie. out of the oodles of stuffies that she had piled atop her bed in her bedroom, that one was probably her favorite.

hannah shook her head.

i frowned and glanced down at the coloring book in front of me, yet to be colored in. someone else was supposed to be sitting here, another kindergartner. yet nobody decided, or bothered, to come back here to this table. it was a little isolated. maybe hannah liked it that way.

i began to grab a couple crayons and color in one of the pages myself.

i hated that i never learned how to color inside the lines. hannah (and all the kids for that matter) knew how to color inside the lines, even at the age of four. and they knew how to color lightly. me, on the other hand, always pressed down to much on the wax, so my colors would always appear darker. “why do you color like that?” emma asked me once. “i’ve always colored like this,” i replied, feeling my face turn slightly red.

“alright class, lunchtime, get ready to wash up!” my mom’s cheery, emphatic voice interrupted my stream of consciousness. “pat, that means you too, bud.” i could feel her gaze over my way.

strangely enough, i didn’t feel embarassed by this, but instead, comforted. it felt like i was back in kindie myself, getting ready to eat my pb&j with applesauce.

hannah had something similar to that, except it was a strawberry purée in a squeezy tube. and she’d always want to eat lunch with mom. i did too, just because i didn’t want her to feel left out or alone. even if mom was there.

“hannah, c’mon, take my hand,” i held my hand out for her as i got up, but she shook her head and got up, walking over to mom on her own.

i sighed and looked down at my half colored turtle, half the color not where it was supposed to be.

i looked over at hannah’s, perfectly neatly colored, lightly scribbled, the colors matching and appropriate.

my eyes flashed back to mine. since when was a turtle red and blue?

back to hannah’s. when my eyes travelled down to the bottom, i saw a small, barely noticeable note written on the bottom, in tiny black lettering:

i want to play hospital at home.

i smiled and wrote right underneath it:

okay, you can be the doctor, i can be the patient.

hannah’s room had a loft attached to it, as did mine. my loft i used for mainly video game console storage, plus my flat screen tv was there. that was essentially my gaming room. in my bedroom i had a few of hannah’s drawings hung up on a tiny bulletin board right beside my bed. they were pretty neat.

hannah’s loft had even more stuffed animals on the one side and a paper sign taped above them on that wall that read “animal hospital.” on the opposite side, there were a bunch of these balloons in a rainbow of colors that you’d find at a dollar store, and a nearly identical sign taped on that wall that read “balloon hospital.” hannah had some of the neatest writing i’d ever seen for a four-year old. it was astonishing. outstanding. but what was cute about the whole concept was, all the stuffed animals and all the balloons had bandages all over them, and sometimes the balloons would “travel” over to the stuffed animal side to comfort the ill and the injured, even though they were injured and ill themselves. (in explanation, the balloons and stuffed animals in hannah’s world were all anthropomorphic.)

hannah loved to play that game. it made me so happy and warm inside to see her living in her own little world, like basking in a dream. that was how she cheered herself up when she was feeling sad. that was her comfort.

i still didn’t know where she got all the bandages from. maybe she raised the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, it was at a perfect level for her tiny hands to grab. and she stuck them everywhere on those poor animals. and balloons. sometimes she’d get some stuck on herself. that was cute to see, i’ll admit.

and i still didn’t know where her fascination for them, or hospitals, came from.

she was a pure, innocent soul.

it absolutely crushed me anytime she got scared of anything.

so what i would do was something that was fat beyond my level of comfort.

as a naturally dyslexic person, i found it strenuous to read, not to mention the inability to focus for more than two minutes at a time didn’t help much either.

yet i liked to sit with her and read to her. she absolutely loved it.

usually the time to read to her came when she got frightened by the dark or storms. that’s what every four year old was afraid of, right?

but there was another special circumstance where i would read to her.

one time, when the kids were playing on the playground, i was too distracted by all the hubbub occurring on the actual playground equipment to notice my mom carrying a crying, red-faced hannah over towards the entrance to the school.

“mom what happened?” i immediately asked. “is hannah okay? where are you going?” and that’s when i noticed one of her kneecaps was red and raw, bleeding ever so slightly.

“oh no,” i whispered softly, expression mimicking my tone.

“watch the kids for me,” my mom told me, right before i offered to help clean up the blood and stick a bandage on the wounded area.

i paid attention to how hannah was holding onto my mom, as if for dear life, sobbing into the crook of the neck with noticeable tears.

i was too distracted by that to notice anything else that was going on.

“watch the other kids.” that command rang in my ear. but none of those kids mattered to me in that moment.

i’d run back inside, following my mom, where they were in the classroom putting some peroxide on the wound.

“patrick, what did i tell you,” my mom sighed exasperatedly.

“mom, i’m sorry…”

“i specifically told you to…”

“i just wanted to make sure hannah was okay,” i replied in a low voice, strung with guilt.

“can you please go back out there and watch them?”

“but hannah…” that was my only thought.

“hannah will be fine. she will be fine. don’t worry about her right now. i’ve got her taken care of. now what about all those kids out there without a supervisor?”

“i-im sorry…” i sighed and hung my head down ashamedly, running back outside to find all the other kids perfectly fine, playing the way they’d been playing.

i glanced back to the entrance to the school. i still didn’t know if hannah was okay. she was still crying. she was still sad.

i rushed back inside.

“patrick!” my mom explained crossly when i rushed back in.

“can i read to her afterwards?” i asked.

“yes, but that’s not important right now, you have a job to do, go do it…”

“i’m sorry,” i whispered, my breath catching in my throat slightly before i headed back out.

when we all went back inside from recess, i located the rocking chair in the back of the classroom, where my mom usually sat to read storybooks to the kids.

right before i was about to sit down in it with a book i’d picked out prior from the bookshelf in the back of the room, my mom called out to me, “not right now bud, end of the day, remember?”

“i was just gonna read to hannah,” i called back.

i could hear my mom audibly sigh. “there’s just no fixing you, is there?”

“mom, i’m sorry, but i just thought… thought it would make hannah… hannah feel better…” i hated that i stuttered whenever i got worked up.

and whenever i got worked up, i always had to force myself out of the classroom.

so that’s precisely what i did.

and i didn’t talk to my mom the entire ride home.

or during dinner that night.

or said good night to her.

i just sat in my room, on the floor, alone.

until i felt a small hand grab mine and a small person sit down next to me.

hannah smiled and me and showed me a book that she picked out from her own personal bookshelf.

“you… you want me to read to you?” i asked, my discouragement slowly fading away.

hannah nodded, a sad gleam in her eyes. “you said you would.”

i glanced down to her bandaged knee, where i could see a small bit of it was still exposed, poorly covered up by mom’s first aid.

i quickly ran out of the room and returned with another bandage in my hand, carefully peeling off the paper back and sticking it on the spot that mom had missed.

“are you feeling okay?” i asked hannah, and she smiled and nodded, squeezing my hand.

then i glanced down to her lap.

“what book did you pick out?” i asked her.

she set the book down in my lap, which was one about a princess who had to live with her evil stepmother and stepsisters.

“here, let’s go into your room,” i said softly, fearing i’d wake mom up.

so we both got up and i took her hand, leading us both into the blush-colored room next door.

i felt like a giant sitting down on her bed, but hannah didn’t seem to mind it.

i opened the book and began reading it to her, slowly, pointing out certain words and illustrations much like mom did when she read to them.

and by the time the book ended, all hannah’s tears had dried up, and the puffiness and redness in her face had gone considerably down.

i glanced back at the cover of the book, noticing the illustration.

“hannah,” i whispered, “would you want to live with evil stepsisters?”

hannah shook her head.

“what about sisters in general?”

hannah shrugged.

“would you rather have an older sister or a younger sister?”

hannah said nothing, but instead gazed outside her window.

i directed her attention back to me.

“would you rather have a sister… or a… or a brother?” i then asked, to which i got another silent answer.

i had to think for a moment.

“would you… rather… would you rather have a… an older brother or a… a younger brother?” i then asked.

this time, hannah cautiously took my hand, squeezing it tenderly, and rested her head on my stomach, shutting her eyes.

“older?” i asked.

hannah nodded.

me?” i looked down at her.

she smiled slightly and nodded, squeezing my hand more. “a patrick,” she whispered.

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