#i AM self isolating and its not something i WANT to be doing and im sorry you're taking it personally and im sorry its hurting you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bibberbang · 11 months

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i dont reblog those posts about how hard it is to have moralizing ocd in online spaces, even though i deeply resonate with them. ironically, i can only talk to 2 people about my ocd, because one of my obsessions is that other people will assume im using my mental health as a shield against criticism if i talk about it. therefore, if i talk about my ocd in any circumstance, my brain believes that i'm already doing something immoral

basically, most of my obsessions resolve around people assuming bad faith of me or that i'm somehow secretly an irredeemably bad person, no matter how hard i try to be good. i am a bad person if i dont reblog posts about serious topics, spend every waking moment thinking about extremely serious topics, or make any social mistakes whatsoever (which is scary because i'm also autistic). i believe that i am irredeemable if i make a small mistake, and i often think all my friends are waiting for me to make a mistake so that they can attack me, and that my life will be ruined if i fuck up. im constantly scanning all my interests (and people i know) for the tiniest imperfections (far beyond healthy amounts of criticism in your interests) out of fear that liking anything or anyone makes me a horrible person. if you dont take a side on this lgbt label discourse, then youre a bigot! im ALWAYS mentally preparing responses and apologies to totally theoretical situations of people being upset with me. i have intrusive thoughts about doing the immoral things that scare me most.

the problem is, *talking about* any of these thoughts invites people who will actually bad faith me. "if youre so worried about this stuff, then you must have something to hide! you just want to avoid accountability!" they make your obsession a reality by accusing you of the exact thing you fear most. none of these thoughts are reasonable or realistic, and i know that. i know that i'm mentally ill. i know logically that i'm as good a person as anyone else. when i actually do make a mistake, i stay level-headed and apologize, acknowledge what i did wrong, and change my behavior

but there is a large part of me that does not want to heal from my ocd, because i believe constant self-monitoring and self-critique is the only thing preventing me from becoming a horrible person

there is nothing i want more in this world than to be a good altruistic human being who is capable of growth, but spending weeks trapped in thought loops analyzing all my behaviors for the smallest signs of a mistake will not help me be a better person. it makes me a worse friend. it drains my energy so that i dont have the mental capacity to actually spend time being kind to others. i reread this post many times while writing it to make sure i didnt accidentally write 6 different slurs. but i can't figure out how to heal. what the fuck do i do about this

this is incredibly hard for me to write about. i'm fighting the urge to delete this post as you read it. i cant stress how debilitating this is for me, it is the biggest hurdle in my life and it sucks away days worth of my time and energy. i will become trapped in thought-loops THE SECOND im not kept sufficiently busy and stimulated by tv/music/my bf/being out of the house somewhere/etc. so much of my life is wasted wanting to be good, that i dont get a chance to actually live the life of a good person

i really hope this post resonates with someone. ive only met a few other people who have this particular kind of ocd, and its extremely isolating. but i want to try to heal from it, and i know the first step to healing is talking about it

#have you ever noticed how i'll add addendums in the tags of my posts where i'll clarify EXACTLY what the post was about?#i do that bc of my obsession that some1 will screenshot something i say out of context and make me look horrible #this is not just a Go Outside problem btw. i know a lot of the examples i gave were internet related #but ive had ocd since i was a child. the other half of my symptoms are health related #like obsessions about emetophobia. or food being contaminated or making me sick. or other physical illness #ppl assume ocd is just washing your hands and not wanting to be touched. naur. i wash my hands a normal amount and i love being touched #so i didnt believe i could have ocd for a long time cuz i didnt fit the stereotype. even though it was incredibly obvious and debilitating #amygdalae #ocd #actually ocd

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pastadoughie · 5 months

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Read over what was going on with anon asks and your posts, and tbh, if you are 16 and you are reaching this kind of critical thinking and actively trying to better yourself through meaningful debates and convos, you are doing god's fucking work from early. I couldn't even begin to form the kind of arguments you are articulating at your age in your posts, so fucking kudos.

I have a similar opinion of sexism being bad no matter the form it takes, patriarchy affects everyone because it imposes roles on everyone, not only women. Breaking those roles on all sides and genders should be the ultimate goal, not try to benefit from the system to become the oppressor.

In any case dude, good luck with the unavoidable influx of people who will misinterpret your posts. Also, your art is hella cool!

i think that alot of ppl just have a rlly hard time like, getting over the gut response to defend themselves when they recieve some kind of serious critisism, like, i think ppl understand on some level that sexism as a concept is stupid, but it can be hard to fully see all the nuances it takes and like, actually recognize it when its subtler

sexism is bad and when i point out that alot of you guys believe ideas that are like, really sexist then thats like, im assuming none of you are like "YEAA SEXISM RUELZZZ!!!! I HATE PEOPLE BASED ON THIER GENDOR" and u rlly rlly dont wanna be lumped into that group

its rlly normal to not wanna be mischaracterized and if you dont self identify as sexist then when someone points out sexist retoric it feels like an unfair and reductive veiw of u

and its like, you really really really need to work past that, im talking abt this stuff because i want ppl to change and be better and if you want that for yourself u have to like rlly chew on these kinds of things

i think what alot of people have issues with is like, relatability in artwork, like "of course im gonna like art with queer women in it more and find it more valueble if im a queer woman" but i think that this points to a really rigid and uphelpful veiw of gender

ive discussed before that, because the mind numbing ammount of biological differences people have theres no actual objective definition of sex or gender, its socially constructed and entirely arbitrary and subjective

i think that labels for sexuality and gender are useful shorthand in our current society though ideally we wouldnt need them, but you need to remember that these things arent rigid

butch lesbian is not a definable group, gay man is not a definable group, they are arbitrary words that mean something different for literally every different person

likewise acting like those meaningless labels somehow make some artwork more or less valueble just points to a bias against people with a certain label

like, the labels dont mean anything they shouldnt change your veiw of a work, if you resonate with a peice of work why does it matter what label is put on it? why does that affect your veiw on the peice?

and yes you are objectively going to relate to some experiences more then others, but i dont think relatability should effect how you value the work, infact id argue seeing perspectives different then your own is incredibly incredibly valueble and, if your disregarding (even subconciously) certain things because theyre made by men then that not only hurts men but it hurts you, it isolates you

maybe i didnt word that perfectly im not always the most articulate but like, i think most of the issues people are having with this are coming from me articulating things maybe not as intuatively as i could or from people refusing to properly engadge with what i have to say

idk, regarding the people accusing me of transmysogeny i just wanna say that like, I AM NOT ALLERGIC TO TALKING TO YOU ABT THIS!! i want to be better and i dont want to be mysogenistic! and if you do see concerning behavior in me i want to be told of it, you keeping these kinds of things to yourself or refusing to engadge with me when i actively am trying to be like, thourough and nuanced about things is just kinda, not productive

#the beast speaks #ask #asks #the-fifteen #retchid opinions

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xiaonyc · 2 months

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Defining my boundaries w social media pt II

The first part here was about sharing work on social media. This part is about consuming and using in general.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁

ᯓ★ Why use?

˖ ࣪⭑ Learning: i have already learned a lot from using this tool. Certain posts have really struck a cord with me and aligned me in the right direction and put me around people i find supportive and exuding a positivity i want to be around more in all realms of life.

˖ ࣪⭑ Self-discovery: Honestly even a year ago, i had very few interests. I was disconnected from my core self. From working on myself in general, I have become more connected with the things I love, like things in childhood I forgot about. When i see images and artworks on these platforms, it rekindles my joy and connects me to things in my childhood, bringing me closer to my core self and the things I want more of in my life.

˖ ࣪⭑ Support and positivity: I used to love working alone, never sharing or engaging. But it can feel isolating after a while. I want to learn to support myself and in turn support others who are here to make the best of their lives.

˖ ࣪⭑ Inspiration: Many times, i have felt inspired to create, to share, to be vulnerable from something I have read or seen.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁

ᯓ★ What do I watch out for?

୨୧ ‧ Negativity (Destructive): There is enough of this in the world and I choose to not be around it.

୨୧ ‧ Low vibrations: Sometimes it is more subtle in which case I will trust my intuition to guide me

୨୧ ‧ Things I don't align with: Sometimes something will just not work for me. I am ok with being different. Difference is what makes each of us unique

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁

ᯓ★ What can I do?

⋆˙⟡♡ Trust my Intuition: ask myself again, is what i am reading constructive? Do i feel light and energized? Or do i feel drained? If i feel the latter, i will take a step back or take any steps to ensure I am around high vibrations.

⋆˙⟡♡ Use with high vibrational energy: If im in a low vibrational state for whatever reason, i need to be careful to protect my energy as this puts me in a vulnerable state. I cannot exude my positive and constructive light if I am in this place, and will only feel things like resentment, jealousy, and negativity.

⋆˙⟡♡ Prioritize my life offline: Social media is a tool, a method of communication. for that, i am grateful. It is digital and takes up no physical space, it can disappear in an instant. So i will treat it as such and know that my physical body, the people in my life i love, and my own growth as a being in this realm of god is my top priority.

⋆˙⟡♡ Choose: Again, i can choose. I am in control of my reality. I do not consent to my energy being taken from me without me knowing. I can choose when to not use this tool, I can choose who I want to be around, and what information I want to consume.

⋆˙⟡♡ Master my mind: Its inevitable that i come across things that may make me angry or that I disagree with. This is an opportunity to do the internal work and become mentally strong. To have an open mind and open heart, and choosing when something is not for me. Maintaining unwavering self-respect and undying self-love.

⋆˙⟡♡ Be kind to myself: This is all a new experience to me, so I will be kind to myself. ♡

#mindset #social media #self growth #self love #self care #becoming that girl #itgirl #girlboss #girlblogging #it girl #positivity #dream girl #self improvement #self healing #self help

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the-s1lly-corner · 8 months

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Slenderman with a s/o who gardens and is really self sustaining? I just want that cottagecore life in the creepy woods with him so badly, flower crowns and all that >_<

Slenderman w/ a cottagecore!partner

i am soso so so sorry it took me so long to get to this ask SOBS ive been bouncing between a bunch of brainrots and kinda just. sitting. im trying to ease back into this acc but!! short post, apologies for that :(!! not proof read im literally typing this on the fly before my motivation burns away

honestly i think this is his type, if weird/funky people arent ! hes really into nature, given that hes a silly forest demon in my hc, natures like his whole. deal

the idea of flower crowns never crossed his mind but hes not going to resist you when you offer him one; in fact i like to think that he keeps it somewhere when hes not wearing it... which isnt often, hes gotta keep up the appearance of scary monster

he presses all the flowers you give him, keeping them stored away in a book

wanna go on a picnic? he cant really... eat traditional people food, but hey as long as youre not opposed to him eating human meat then its all good

this is a joke, he doesnt enjoy eating in front of others, much less in front of you. dont pry or ask, he doesnt like addressing it, doesnt matter if youre a normal person, a crp, a human, or a demon like him; he just doesnt like discussing it

brain blast moment, star gazing. slender may not know the proper names for constellations or which group of stars are actually constellations, but that doesnt matter. hes made his own and hes more than happy to tell you about them... being an isolated forest monster gets lonely, you know? even with the proxy thing

i still stand by my hc of "slenderman is simply a force of nature whos grey but he curses the fact that like everyone else he longs for some sort of companionship, the curse of sentience and longing"

anyways

dont get me wrong, hes still... whack, he doesnt like it when you go out into the forest when theres intruders or when its his feeding time; he doesnt want to make you see that sort of thing... mix of being disgusted with himself and not wanting to scare you off

you could reassure him all you want but theres always going to be that self loathing

moving on

noooo cuz imagine picking mushrooms with him

i admit i know next to nothing about cottagecore stuff but im trying my best

OHOH HE LOVES CARRYING YOU ON HIS BACK, YOUR ARMS WRAPPED AROUND HIS SHOULDERS LEGS AROUND HIS WAIST

loves the feeling of having you close to him, hes touch starved tbh, and it makes him feel like he can protect you like that

makes the best tea, depending on where you hc the location he probably has some plants growing there naturally that he can use for it

ooooooouuuuugh the two of you sitting inside his office, its raining outside. youre sewing something, and hes reading. ooough i love quiet comfortable silence between lovers

gardening is a must, slenderman already tends to care for the forest and keep it in the best possible shape and return what he takes; he will expect you to do the same. only thing he wont force you to do is disposal of... things

hopping back to the plant pressing, he also keeps rocks or other trinkets you give him, this man will absolutely go feral if someone comes in and destroys something. it can be a pebble and thered be blood

oooiugh big mean cold demon whos soft for their small mortal partner

#creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #crp #creepypasta imagines #slenderman imagine #slenderman x reader #slenderman headcanons

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weirdmageddon · 8 months

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can someone explain what “weed paranoia” is?

ive never experienced it, all i experience is like….relaxation, monotropic autism flow state, calms me down enough to not get overstimulated by my own thoughts (i feel more at ease with my thoughts coming and going, i kinda go into free flow thought tunnels without getting hung up or ever spiraling. in fact, the opposite, where it’s like a “catch and release” sort of experience to train of thought most of the time. i mean i’ll still definitely hyperfocusing on something which you could consider getting “hung up” on but thats just normal autism stuff and i feel like i can mine for more deeper insight riches in those hyperfixation tunnels when high.

it also definitely helps me unmask. like my mask is sort of built into my core personality and “self” but i find it hard if not impossible to shut off even when im alone because ive internalized the external social sphere. but THC (i should note im taking Δ9) like…. takes the edge off, and i feel less conflicted about my thoughts? like i’m more confident in getting my thoughts out there without worrying about people judging me for how i phrase things or how hyperspecific im being to my own interests. i feel like i dont have to water things down as much because i dont feel as threatened by judgment externally, and in turn internally

i looked up my question about what “weed paranoia” feels like on reddit and the common answers ive seen were:

generalized anxiety

“everyone knows” / you feel like people are watching or judging you and that youre gonna be in trouble

“You’re very aware of your own actions and existence, and assume everyone else is also.”

heightened self-reflection (for some people this freaks them out??) because different perspective

more vulnerable

but i’m not satisfied with these answers??

i want to know if people who get paranoid have these traits while sober/before getting high. like, is it just non-introspective people getting freaked out because they’re considering their own actions/thoughts and existence? or do introspective people who are used to metacognition also getting freaked out?

are people afraid of confronting their weaknesses that weed makes them aware of? are people who normally hide from truths more likely to get paranoid?

ok so i can only fully know my own mind; that is my reality. i have a habit of assuming people more or less share the same phenomenological experiences in their minds, but since i’m autistic i’ve had to expand this boundary over and over continually reconciling with way more diverging phenomenological experiences than i thought.

so i normally i have thoughts about my own thoughts pretty much at least five times every hour, every single day of the week. i do not experience is not a bad thing, it’s a neutral and even good thing. i think i am insightful by nature and always have been, ive been described as such. i don’t know how normal this is for the average person. weed does enhance these metacognitive thoughts i have to an even higher level, and i feel very, very pulled towards them in a good, flow state way. ive also been told my guarded chilly heart melts a bit and i become more open/vulnerable while stoned but that’s because i don’t feel as vulnerable as i normally do. so i dont hide or clam up as much away from psychological openness or whatever exact shit enneagram type 5 is on

but anyway even without weed i normally feel “outside” of my own thoughts, always judging them from a third person perspective, or even multiple third person perspectives through reframing. so i dont feel like i have a defined or clearly illuminated sense of self. i’m not trying to really “find myself” so much as uncover it. like, it’s definitely there to begin with i can feel its presence, but the specifics are obscured and i’m trying to bring them to light. i automatically isolate logical components from emotional components into their own boxes and rarely acknowledge the emotional box because it’s unhelpful in more circumstances than not so it’s all a pretty clinical process when i make sense of things

because i can do this i’m never afraid of the truth; in fact i actively go in search of it and honestly it feels like THC helps me achieve that on MYSELF and it makes me very satisfied

i also don’t know if what i said is normal. am i comfortable with truths and facing them to an unusual degree over most people, or about the same as them?

i saw this comment and it’s like….. that makes sense with disinhibition of the frontal cortex. i think way too much about the rhetoric and kairos of how im communicating information to others normally, but with these consciously overthinking circuits driving and modifying my social thoughts and behaviors being turned down while stoned, i find i dont care as much. it’s like my conscious autism masking is peeled away, so i feel more content while stoned. and it also makes me more open as a result.

like i said, “i feel more at ease with my thoughts coming and going, i kinda go into free flow thought tunnels without getting hung up or ever spiraling” which is how this guy is describing “going with the flow”

the takeaway is i dont have a negative reaction to when i realize unpleasant things about myself while high. it’s just this neutral acknowledgement. this even goes for physical things that usually tip people off like their heart rate being “too fast” while high. i do perceive it also but theres like no anxiety with it, again just neutral observation and acknowledgement

basically im Actively looking for this

so some questions:

can someone explain what “weed paranoia” is like, taking into account the gist of what ive said? if you experience it do you have any insight into why it happens? does anything ive said have to do with it? do you already have neurotic tendencies (low resistance to stress)?

what does my experience while high + my normal thought processes as ive described them say or imply about me?

why am i experiencing pretty much the polar opposite of the way weed paranoid people are describing anxiety of being judged? or like the thing about my feelings of vulnerability?

am i more comfortable with truths and facing them to an unusual degree than most people, or am i actually about the same as them? am i more introspective/metacognitive than most people, or am i actually about the same as them?

if people who ARE already introspective get high and feel paranoid, why would that happen—wouldnt they be used to uncovering things about themselves? are there other reasons? does one’s sentiment to oneself play into it? neurotic traits?

oomf said “your high is always driven by how capable you are of passively defusing triggers for a bad trip”. the explanation for how well people tolerate THC ive gravitated towards outside of genetics (since my mom doesnt tolerate thc well but i do) is ability to deflect stressful thoughts, or how impacted you are by stressful thoughts in the first place. is this anything?

i hope im describing these things adequately so i can get the answers im looking for lol. please tell me if any of this means anything to you or if its just words

EDIT:

^ to me everything is great and feels significant, but is that because the things that feel significant are themselves good? if weed makes stuff seem more significant (too much dopamine weighs negative inputs too highly), that means it amplifies what’s already there (while also amplifying “noise”). so that tells us about the nature of what is already there in the mind’s contents, then?

so again, question 2: what does my experience while high + my normal thought processes as ive described them say or imply about me?

#stoner posting

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zack-hazbin-blog · 3 months

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HEAVEN TIME!!

Okay sooooo a lot of this was put in place before the show dropped so some of it seems really kind of out there. Sorry. ALSO i am aware that technically archangels are not a high ranking of angel but i am stealing paradise lost canon again for that. So there are the seven (eight if you count luci, another was made after he fell to even out the roster) archangels and then right underneath them are the seraphim and there are lots of seraphim. Also exterminators aren’t heavenborn they are just people who died and then signed up for the program, removal of your left eye is a key part of initiation for exterminators, and they are very knights templar-esque in their uniforms

Adam:

I think hes the most important to start with so. Adam, I do not like him in canon at ALL sorry, in this he’s still kind of a dingus but he’s genuinely quite nice. Funny middle aged divorced man who shows up to meetings late on purpose and dresses like Adam Sandler no matter the occasion,,, hes the embodiment of the Are Ya Winning Son? Meme. Im going with Paradise Lost canon yet again here in that he is head over heels for Eve and only ate the apple after she did so they could get the death penalty together. He is sort of a paralell to Luci in the sense that he is also distant from his family but where with Luci it is a self imposed isolation spurred on by depression with Adam its just that he isnt good at conecting with them.

He and Eve really drifted apart after the Cain incident and, while they are on good terms, they are like super divorced. He doesn’t know how to talk to Abel (who lives close to his mom in what is basically Heaven’s suburbs) and he only gets to see Cain on extermination day, and Cain really just. Doesn’t want to talk to him. So Adam is in a pickle. He was put in charge of the exterminations shortly after he died to kind of just like, give him something to do and he genuinely does a very good job at it. He sees it as getting back at Luci in a way.

Adam hates Lucifer with like his entire being, Adam is a very chill guy, he doesn’t dislike much of anyone, but he hates Lucifer. He hates him for the Eden thing and he also blames him for the Cain thing so any chance he can take to hurt him is good. Unfortunately Lucifer literally could not care less about the sinners dying so. Theres that.

Then canon roles around and suddenly Lucifer’s “daughter” (due to the nature of Charlie’s birth and the fact that Adam has never met her he doesn’t really buy that she’s a sentient being and not just a mouthpiece for Luci) wants to bring sinners into Heaven which is something that just reeks of foul play to Adam, he will not lose his second go at Paradise to God’s least favorite son, something needs to be done. He takes it to Sera (his boss, technically, more on that later) and she gives him clearance to pretty much do whatever he wants (she was not given the full story!!! Just that Luci is “acting suspicious”) so Adam kind of starts. Meddling

He wants to stop the hotel and he wants Charlie dead. Like honest to goodness he wants to kill her. Hes telling Lute (the only other person who knows the full details of this mission) and himself that its for the good of Heaven but really its just some kind of vengeance, Lucifer took his kids, why shouldn’t he give what he gets? Eventually like, season three climax would be the exterminators absolutely wrecking the hotel and like taking Charlie hostage. Adam is having second thoughts when shes actually like tied up and bleeding out though, he like kinda snaps out of his frenzy hes worked himself into and has a little Just A Man from Epic The Musical moment yknow. But whats done is done, no turning back now, right?

Lute:

Lute is exceedingly different that in canon because I wrote all of my stuff for them before we knew anything about them as a character. They are from ancient greece now. More specifically Sparta.

When they died they were very eager to sign up for the extermination program, a warrior at heart and eager to do good. They quickly caught Adam’s eye and they like, surprisingly quickly rose through the exterminator ranks to Lieutenant (Lute) (Nickname that Adam gave them because try as he might he cannot pronounce their (dead)name.)

They are like Charlie’s age, both in the sense that they are both early twenties and in the sense that they are both ~2000, they and Adam have kind of like, almost father and child thing, Adam is the goofy divorced dad who listens to pearl jam and Lute is the daughter who has to listen to it on the way to swim practice.

Lute is very strategical, Lute is very serious, Lute feels like they have a lot to prove (especially being one of the few high ranking people in Heaven who isnt either heavenborn or someone of Biblical Importance) less so than they did when they were new, but the itchings of anxiety are still somewhere in there. They are extremely devoted to Heaven’s cause and Adam, though they are having second thoughts about Adams hostility towards the princess by like, mid season three.

Adam (reluctantly, might I add) sent them down to the hotel for a “diplomacy mission” (spying) for a week or two early on in the season and they found that they actually can relate to Charlie? They both want to do whats best for their people and they both have major imposter syndrome (and they both know Vallie, which is awkward, (vallie was apart of Lutes like, personal squadron, kind of an exterminator elite guard before she fell) Lute and Vallie dont hate eachother by any means but the last time they were in a room together they were literally trying to kill eachother so its. weird) but Lute just, isnt as convinced on the prospect of Charlie being some kind of literal puppet for the devil? Adam shoots down her concerns about this though, hes the devil he is the king of lies and deceit, Lute, thats just what he wants you to think, trust me, I know how he works, Ive dealt with him, its okay.

Also they transitioned while in Heaven and asked Adam to set up their top surgery under the guise of like, improving their combat capabilites (he absolutely knew he was just humoring them, I love and adore him if you didnt know)

Eve:

Eve is so cool. She isnt a major character because she is extremely disinvolved with the workings of Heaven, like, purely by choice. She lives somewhere in like, the Primum Mobile ring and has a garden and likes when Emily or the other Heavenborn visit her. Abel lives somewhere close by and he has some sheep. She rarely travels into the Empyrean (the capital city) and just. Shes hanging out.

She was absolutely the main person behind her and Adams divorce, she just really fell out of it after a while, she doesnt hold anything against him she just. Isnt interested in a romance with him. She also has far less of a grudge against Lucifer than Adam (she blames herself more than anything) and thinks that Adam should like. chill out. (Its not good to hold onto hatred for so long, you know.)(Do you forgive him?)(…no.)(Exactly. He isnt sorry, he doesnt deserve forgiveness, Eve.)

Sera:

Similar to canon except that like, she isnt antagonistic, shes a big cool angel lady who is technically in charge of the exterminations because she is in charge of like, soul circulation. In this au souls who are purged in the Cleanse get thrust back out into the reincarnation zone (hell doesnt know this, Luci never cared enough to ask and there have been no communications between like, anyone else) (heaven souls can also be reincarnated but its a voluntary process, you might ask if this causes like, an imbalance of any kind, with there being far more “evil souls” in circulation, the answer is no, new souls are also freshly created often) this technically puts her in charge of the whole affair, she appointed Adam to help her out and regrets it every day /silly

She isnt keeping the cleanse a secret because in her mind there is no moral issue to keep secret, though it isnt something thats like, advertised, it is perfectly reasonable to think that a lot of people in Heaven dont know about it. She probably would not take well to Adam’s hostility towards Charlie if she knew the full situation but as far as she knows its just a Lucifer plot and she trusts Adam to sort that out. Maybe she shouldnt! He is very biased!

Emily:

Shes also not a huuuggee character, shes one of the youngest Seraphim and the most involved with the ascended soul population as shes the only seraphim to not predate humanity. Shes silly, she likes Adam a lot hes like a funny uncle who your parents dont like. She mostly hangs out in the residential area of the Empyrean just. Hanging out, she doesnt have a whole lot of official duties besides keeping morale up, though teeecchhhniically shes supposed to help Sera with soul regulation by keeping a handle on blessed souls who want to reincarnate by sending them to Sera. Shes also friends with Molly just because I think thats cute.

Molly:

Im including her!!! You cant stop me!!! Shes angel’s twin sister! She is technically the youngest out of the Ragno siblings and also died second, shortly after Angel. She was very close with her twin in life and while she accepts that her oldest brother and father are probably both in Hell shes holding out hope that Angel is just taking a long time to get through Purgatory. (he is not) (shes starting to have less and less faith in this idea)

She lives in the inner part of the Empyrean with her mom and a couple other non-immediate family members that landed up there. Heaven doesnt really have any kind of currency so like, shops arent as much of a thing as like say, markets where you can trade knick knacks for other kick knacks (there is an unlimited supply of goods of all kinds but like, if you want like a handknit scarf and you want to trade a windchime you mde for one just pop down to the market) but she is running a small sort of beauty parlor thing close to the Centrum (basically heaven town hall, where the Seraphim and Archangels get access to the Abode Of God and also just hold other important matters) thats decently popular. Shes very nice if a little overbearing, has a temper though, also a bit of a prankster when the situation permits (something she picked up from Angel when they were kids), absolutely figured out that Angel wasnt into girls a long time before the actual news came out. She deduced this through years of trying to set him up with girls and her efforts turning up squat. Shes very supportive she is still mad at Arackniss for siding with their dad during the Initial Incident.

Micheal:

Hes the only archangel with any like. Major importance. Hes Lucifers twin brother and the highest ranking archangel since Lucis banishment. He was the main force to take down Lucifers rebellion back when that all happened (i hate viv canon he was banished from heaven because he launched a COUP not because he was silly or something. Hes the devil. Stop woobifying him let him have done something bad. He can regret it, he DOES regret it but he is not a poor little victim he started a civil war.) and would probably show up at the end of season three to like negotiate some kind of peace deal with Charlie. He would not have met Charlie prior to this incedent but he really likes her honestly, its been a few millenia he isnt as upset with Luci anymore, certainly not upset with his daughter who has proven to be nothing but virtuous and kind.

But also before this he would show up in Lucifer flashbacks, mainly one where hes arguing with Charlie mid/late season one and it would like be cutting in and out of a flashback to Luci and Micheal arguing about Gods favoritism of Adam and Lilith (very new, having just been dropped in Eden, fighting had not yet occured and Lilith and Luci had not yet met eachother, they would not meet until after Lucifer falls to Hell and Lilith dies as punishement for abandoing Eden) and the argument would be like, Luci and Charlie fighting about the fate of the sinners and the ethics of the Cleanse paralleling Luci and Micheal fighting over Killing The Humans because they Suck and Dad Likes Them More Than Us and it would like culminate in a “They dont deserve to die!” where Charlie AND flashback Micheal say that and Lucifer being like, woah, its happening agaiiiiinnn im messing up agaaiiinnnn shes just like micheal and im going to lose her tooooooo and kind of like. Having a little bit of a breakdown. Hes so mentally ill

Also im assigning all the Archangels colors of the rainbow just because. Luci is red and Micheal is blue. None of the others are especially important.

Okay thats all the major Heaven people!!! I think ill do like. Lucifer and Lilith in a combination post with the various Pets (keekee, fat nuggets, razzle and dazzle, ect.) next, then maybe one on the other Big Overlords?? Ive been reading Shakespeare just for help developing one of them I am very normal. Anyway, as always, if you have any questions please ask, I am more than happy to answer!! byyeeeee love youuuuu <3 <3 <3

#hazbin hotel #hazbin rewrite #hazbin au #hazbin redesign #hazbin adam #hazbin lute #hazbin sera #hazbin emily #hazbin molly #hazbin micheal

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caffstrink · 10 months

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do you have any spare art to share? i'd love to see more and more of your art even the sketches or things you might not find interesting enough to share if that's alright

Yeah i have like.. a lot actually! I usually don't post my commissions, and that's around 80% of my unposted art. Idk i just don't like sharing my personal sketches outside my private twitter? Its not that i dont want people to see them (i do) but bc i feel very self conscious about what i make and social media ironically makes me feel very isolated and alienated, specially after gathering a relatively big following. Everything's so pop or flop nowadays its hard not to feel pressure. Anyway heres some recent ones

Its all ak and clovers? Always has been

I hit image limit here. Anyway im not kidding when i say clovers and ak are like. The last serotonin producing neurons i have in my brain. So when i do have time to doodle i only draw these two. Ive been feeling really bad about being bored of my other characters/settings, and being unable with come up with something new that manages to get me to care about it. Depression am i right

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bioethicists · 1 year

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hi i hope you dont mind this question. i assume because you are anti psych/mad liberation (me too) you probably also get the pro psych reaction of "thats dangerous" and "its not all like that" and the accusation that acknowledging the fact that psychiatric and therapy "care" is so bad will make people quit that care and they will inevitably get worse and it'll be your fault? im an anti psych blogger and this really messes me up because my whole thing is that i DONT want mentally ill ppl to suffer, and thats the whole reason i AM anti psych. and i am afraid ppl will somehow be harmed by me telling the truth or making (evil!) generalizations about psych professionals, etc.

to me it seems incredibly reactionary, usually comes with a moral panic flavor, and is chock full of victim blaming cliches. it seems to me that it hinges on the fear and threat of 1. a Crazy person rejecting treatment and 2. a Crazy person rejecting authority, so again, it seems to be based mostly in stigma. and yet it does seem true and possible that ppl will be influenced in ways that turn out poorly and i dont want that to happen either. and yet again, framing it like "dont tell ppl what health care to pursue" is a misnomer since psych care is simply about social control... and that facade of health care just protects them from criticism in a bad faith way cause it makes you look anti vax adjacent and telling ppl not to see doctors. im not really interested in telling ppl what to do when it comes to accessing psych care, but my general analysis is that: is refusing psych care possibly dangerous? yes. is getting psych care also possibly dangerous? yes.

anyway the main question is if/how you deal with this. both intellectually and emotionally. cause i think its possibly the hardest part of sharing anti psych views in public. it makes me feel guilty and afraid. and i think making splicing disclaimers sucks and is stupid. so idk. thanks for reading.

first of all, i absolutely do experience this + it used to piss me off more than it does now but now it mostly makes me sad. i think you summed it up so well when you said that both refusing + seeking psych care can be dangerous.

part of it is that, the deeper i root into my belief in bodily autonomy, the more i stop punishing myself if someone takes a good faith, well-phrased assertion i've made + spins that into something harmful which i never said or intended. i am very deliberate to only spread information that pushes for expanding + critiquing methods of healing, stressing that my goal is to free people from suffering, not compound it.

i know that some people who are struggling with paranoia or self-destructive impulses read mad liberation talking points (often finding their ways to the more conspiracy fueled or recklessly phrased ones) + respond in ways that end up harming them, like cold-turkey going off antipsychotics or firing their entire treatment teams to take sketchy supplements. it does make me very sad that this happens, because like you said, i want these people to be happy + not suffer.

however, i rarely see comparable conversation about how people take the logics of the psych system and use THOSE to harm themselves. many people with similar traits to those who do what you are describing are just as likely to use the logics of psychiatry to punish themselves or distance themselves from others. they use 'coping mechanisms' punitively by becoming obsessed with 'clean' eating/dieting, organization/academics, being the Perfect Patient. they tell others + themselves that they are neurologically incapable of love or healthy relationships or pleasure. they isolate themselves because they believe they are fundamentally toxic or abusive. they dismiss their emotions as "just symptoms" + actively chastise themselves or try to train themselves out of experiencing any anger towards others or even any negative emotions at all. they admit themselves to psych wards frequently not out of a reasonable concern that they will hurt themselves or others but because they believe they belong in a psych ward any time they are experiencing symptoms. the list goes on.

all of that being said, i do experience genuine concern that people might read what i write + because of self-hatred or intense paranoia, read some sort of mandate or advice that isn't there + end up in more pain. because this exact thing also happens with psychiatry, which the naysayers you describe above are not concerned with, i don't think they're actually worried about hurting people. they are worried about Crazy people Not Getting Help. it comes from a place of paternalism + fear.

another, more positive aspect of it is that i do genuinely believe that many people are not being helped by their treatment teams but think they Have To be in therapy or in a hospital or on meds despite them not helping because that's What You Do. so they have been sitting around waiting for five years of therapy or their seventh ssri to start doing something meaningful. some of them just needed to hear: you don't have to do this; it might not be the right thing for you. i actually think these people are really well-served by hearing about anti-psych/mad lib stuff + them quitting therapy/meds/treatment ends up allowing them to look for other pathways for dealing with emotional suffering.

ultimately, i think mad liberation that focuses on true autonomy + total liberation of all peoples provides a clearer path forward for people to return from these places of intense paranoia or self destruction. i think we are all so used to being deprived of autonomy that, when we first get it back, we often stumble with it or try to provoke someone into taking it away from us. that is just going to continue to happen if we respond to it by making autonomy conditional. a LOT of us feel like we're not allowed to heal if it's not a moral mandate, so hearing that it isn't feels like nobody cares. we have to find new ways of showing that we care which don't involve exerting power over others.

#anti psychiatry #long n rambling sorryyy

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legallybrunettedotcom · 8 months

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Do you have a solution for breaking the cycle of self isolation after you've been made to feel inferior for being a "loser" who hasn't had as many life experiences as you should've at your age? I find it very hard to connect to people my age because im in my 20s and I've never dated. Even if I can get past my own insecurities constantly telling me I'm lesser because practically every single person my age (even the biggest outcasts or people who are less conventionally attractive than me) has been in a relationship and I haven't, people still bring it up and make it clear they find me weird because of it, like you said. I don't wanna be like this my whole life but frankly, its difficult not to choose self isolation when people actively and purposefully make you feel uncomfortable over being a "loser".

i put it under the line because i ended up blabbering too much.

sometimes i break that cycle and then get down a bit and decide to get stuck in it again. i'm the same, i never dated anyone, never kissed anyone and i don't know why. it's not like you can leave the house and yell who wants to fuck and everyone will flock to you. no one ever showed any interest. another thing is i have no friends, like genuinely. i try to hang out with people, but none of them are friends. i'm a proper loser in the eyes of everyone. i don't think there is a solution here that won't include constant heartbreak. it's just a process of endless trial and error until finally something works. or it might not work. like ever. we are both only in our 20s, there is so much ahead of you if you wish there to be. i don't think one should be jumping into the den with lions, but if an opportunity is presented to you, even the smallest one, take it. if you feel afraid or weird about it, learn to recognize that kind of thinking and try to be faster than it and go " ok let's do this, i'm counting 3-2-1 and my final decision is this or that. we're doing this or we're not doing this. end of story. " it's about learning to think less, as stupid as that sounds, but you see around yourself that the happiest people are those who don't think that much, they just do shit. through it you'll accumulate new experiences, new knowledge, new interactions etc. i know it's so easy to get stuck inside your head and only focus on yourself but it's important to practice curiosity, not just in the books, but when it comes to people as well, the person opposite you will always know something you don't.

you mention in the brackets the outcasts and people less conventionally attractive than you. it's the typical thinking of someone who has been insecure their whole life like what do these people have that i don't? envy obviously isn't the healthiest of feelings but it's normal and sometimes it just jumps in front of you before you can be your proper rational self. but i point you right there to those brackets, it seems to me that you do see something positive about yourself. i think all these insecurities that we have are often not genuine but a shield and just this sort of thing of oh let me put myself down first before someone else does. i did that my whole life and i still sometimes slip into it, but then one day i was like wait a second, why am i allowing intimidation? write down your qualities. like don't be humble, try to be as objective as you possibly can be, but also be a bit of a bitch a bit of cunt and write down every positive trait you have. i don't really like this modern self help books sentiment that is just constant repetition of know yourself know yourself you're the center of the universe blah blah it's so selfish and annoying and pathetic, but you do need a starting point, have some fundamental understanding of who you are or at least of who you're not and understanding of everything that you can possibly be and accomplish. if you find security in yourself, everything that you are and your potential to learn so much and be so many things you wish to be, maintaining your openness and curiosity and being less serious about yourself, other people's opinions and these notions of this type of person is a loser and this type is not, won't hurt you.

the human experience is so varied, everyone is learning on the go and there is this idea and concept of normalcy that a lot of people have failed to conform to. simultaneously we're all (for the most part. even those who mock you.) aware that there is no such thing as normal, no right way of living and yet we so desperately seek the conformity and approval and mistake it for community when it all reeks of malice and competition.

when it comes to all these people you mention, sort it out with yourself like ok do i genuinely want to do these things? am i seeking validation from people i don't respect? does this or that feel right to me? i know you don't want to be judged and you don't want to constantly be alone but do you really want to engage with people who don't respect you? like in my head, a good friend won't judge and laugh but will give you some encouragement, a bit of a nudge because sometimes that's all it takes. like i said in the beginning, trial and error. but that is every interaction til the end of your life. whether you're a loser or not. you try, you see ok i like these people or you say ok this fucking sucks and you move on. you get down a bit and then you try again. another thing i said in the beginning is that this might never work. some people never find friends, some people never you know find romantic love etc. it's a possibility and it's not the end of the world. is it an incredibly difficult thing to accept? of course. there is nothing i can say here that will make it an easier thing to accept.

i don't like those condescending posts that start with "you need to do this", you don't need to do anything you don't want to do, but toughen up, put some muscle on you, i don't mean literally, physically, but i think you get my sentiment. i don't think there is anything i said here that is going to be helpful, that is going to offer a concrete solution, because i think you know what the solution is and it's that annoying advice that people always give and i have been given it a million times, of like put yourself out there, you'll find someone, it'll all work out etc etc and it's like omgggg thanks for nothing. and i suppose in a way i did offer you the same annoying advice. no matter in what kind of cycle you find yourself in, the only way out of it is doing that very difficult thing that you dread. a person who isn't afraid can't be brave. try to develop a mantra, a story, a channeling of sorts that's gonna make some things a bit more bearable. i literally repeat a line from a book inside my head. this is how i try to sort out shit with myself. not everything works for everyone.

oh and another thing that helps is getting angry. not aggressive, not physical, not violent, just maintaining a healthy dose of anger inside yourself that propels you forward.

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kedsandtubesocks · 11 months

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WE'RE STARTING SPOOKY SEASON EARLIER IM SOOOOOO EXCITED OMG

okay okay i wanna hear your opinion on pedro boys and what monsters they would be !!!!

LETS START SPOOKY SUMMER OFF RIGHT AND IM SO GLAD ITS WITH YOU BB thank you for sending this amazing ask in 🥺🎃 ✨

Okay…this is something I know we’ve talked about many times in our deep discussions but now that I think about the other boys I’m like “…oh shit” so here we GO LOL

Javi P: a type of were-creature, I love the idea of Javi having the ties to a Texas and Latino based monster and as someone who’s great tia swore she saw the chupacabra and then knowing there’s a monster/beast I’ve heard legend about living in the hill country, theres something familiar and close knit tradition about were-creatures based in local and cultural urban legends that fits Javi’s vibes about being so connected to his home

Pero T: yes he is a peak werewolf but I will say this until I write the fic but he is a lake monster, creature from the black lagoon style, he lurks likes his isolation and is aware to his surroundings. He would do perfect as a lake monster simply surviving as a grumpy hiding monster under the waves

Marcus Pike: DRAGON!!! Grand beautiful majestic creatures that hoard precious things? Marcus is all about the arts and seeing the beauty in everything, those vibes just make me think of him as this beautiful grand dragon that hoards art until he finds you his most precious treasure

Dave York: something demonic, he always reminds me of the Lucifer figure - this perfect soldier who followed orders until he questioned his existence and is now disillusioned and corrupt living on his own terms now

Frankie: my sweet werewolf boy, loyal big and forever protective and will bare his fangs whenever he feels threatens and has a bit of a temper, also can you imagine how COZY HE WOULD BE??

Din: ghost, he’s a ghost that’s simply living in this strange beskar armor but his spirit is so strong and righteous that it stays alive and haunts his armor. But he is tender and speaks with the softest whispers in the wind, like a echo you wonder if you even heard in the first place

Joel: a ghost like Din but a much scarier version, like a spirit of vengeance that is violent and fierce, powerful in its rage but a known protector that watches over anyone who walks home alone at night, he sits in the trees with eyes that are so dark they blend with the night

Jack: Vampire, suave a bit extravagant and luxurious and I only am doing this cause I want him to make all the stupid vampire puns and even has fake vampire plastic teeth he playfully uses from time to time, also can you imagine him slick gelled hair back super classic Dracula style?? 😮‍💨

Dieter: shapeshifter, he’s a man of many faces and many roles that you wonder if he even knows what his true self looks like anymore, goes into how he’s an actor and I think there’s so many layers to dieter that he keeps up to make sure no one truly knows him

Ezra: eldritch space creature, has many eyes speaks in many voices that seem out of this realm but he is kind and moves very gently. He is wise beyond his years and is interested in all things human, but like any eldritch creature it can be tricky and turn on a whim when need be

Javi G: Mothman!! Super sweet and chattery and is kind of an odd ball but simply wants to be left alone in the woods but remains curious about the world around him, holds a certain charm to him but is still a dangerous creature underneath it all

Wow I ramble away with these I’m SORRY

#this was written in my kitchen cause I got POSSESSED ERI #THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO MEEEE #also thank you thank you so much I love you wow #long post #Pedro boys #asks and such things 💌#Eri’s tag 🐝 ✨#e babbles #Pedro boys 🤎

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girlwithfish · 6 months

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Realizing im super fucking lonely. especially lonely rn for reasons i iwll not say. ive always been lonely but it still sucks

im trying to rebuild my sense of internal safety and trust in myself. i realize i do not trust othere or the world and i also do not rly trust myself but at the same time i also have the mindset that i can only rely on myself to a toxic degree.

and also how innate shame has guided my entire life i thought i was just an anxious person w low self esteem and worth which is true but i thought i was just fucked up for no reason and like this is normal its just anxiety like i dont think u r supposed to feel ashamed and guilty for every thing u do and for things u didnt even do ur entire life i feel ashamed the moment i wake up. Its weird and alienating. and also feeling like an alien among a crowd of ppl u intrinsically cannot connect to. and i sound like a bitch when i say this but reading abt how cptsd gives u that feeling of intrinsic difference from other ppl and just further causes u to isolate and feel like there's something wrong w u has been a little like... okay. i guess thats what ive been feeling my whole life and i only realized now its not particularly normal unless if u have some kind of trauma or mental illness but like its dampening my life so much and feeling guilty for existing is not what a healthy person should feel LOL

and anyway i feel my trust in others and my worldview in general has shrank so much lately. i just retreat more within myself for safety

and i also have the innate core belief that i am not worthy my opinions thoughts and wants do not matter and its such a barrier to being my authentic self and being able to have connection w ppl bc i cant even hold a casual conversation anymore or insert my opinions its especially hard lately. i always thought i was just shy and socially anxious which Is also true and then i also thought i was autistic but i guess being more aware of the actual reasons why im so "shy"is like ohh ur not Just shy and u also automatically subconsciously label urself as a worthless and lesser person who nobody will like or value ur thoughts so u might as well obscure urself and not get close to anyone and prevent anyone from knowing u and u have masked urself so well u dont even know who u are to urself.... yay :*

#introspection

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opossum-dyke · 5 months

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Thoughts on self diagnosed autistics (a love letter)

By the way this post isn't made so someone can debate me this is me screaming my feelings into the void

I support self diagnosed autistics, I always will, the reasons are so clear to me. Everything medical, including diagnosis is so damn expensive, doctors so commonly don't believe people or gaslight people, even more so AFABs and people of color... Im not here to debate this.

Any complaint like that people are doing it for attention or taking resources or something??? I just cannot care in comparison to my childhood... Neurodiversity acceptance is in the process of happening, many people knowing their autistic is NOT a bad thing.

I was diagnosed at 9 but it was kept a secret from me until I was 14. And that entire time I thought I was the only one in the universe "like this" I truly thought I was an unlovable freak, I thought nobody would ever want to actually be friends with me (as opposed to fake friends who called me the R slur) all of that was traumatic. I cannot stress how much I LITERALLY thought I was alone in the world, and the self-hatred that came with the ableism I was raised with.

It sent my life on a whole different trajectory just learning that other autistic people existed in the world with me.

And compared to the isolation in my childhood I know many autistic people now, and its wonderful! Truly, I am not alone!

I love you, my self diagnosed siblings!

You bring light into a deep cave I thought I would die in.

I have cried tears of joy many times knowing I am not the only one on the planet with a mind like this.

I adore my self diagnosed friends.

I feel a joy that I never want to let go of from knowing you're with me, knowing you're fighting ableism with me.

And seeing how much change has already happened compared to my childhood full of ableism when my mind was treated like a shameful secret, it's because our efforts together.

I love you, self diagnosed Autistic/ADHD/neurodivergent friends.

I am not alone, and you are not alone either. I will always stand with you.

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cryptic-lily · 1 day

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im gonna be ruminatig over what i made this blog for originally my bad

its been almost five years since ive made this blog and it feels wild now looking back into the server i made for this au and how much ive personally grown and how many people were touched by this good for nothing story really. i cant even remember or think right now the exact appeal of it but it seemed to speak to a lot of people. it felt nice. i miss it sometimees. i know that now im inspired to do things with it again, sadly it'll never gain the same reach or impact as before, as when SFM was on its peak. so many friends ive made then and am still friend with them. crazy how time flies.

i dont know if even any people who are aware what this blog is are still here. i think i'd like to discuss this au with someone but i find myself in deep hole of desire for self-isolation and its not. good. and i also dont want to bother anyone with an au only i care about at this point. i think its all that really matters i guess as long as im having fun. its all it comes down to these days. im just playing with toys.

i think i have a better grasp of what i want this au to be right now, which is good? i have a better idea of what i want to do, so theres hope i can actually do something with it. i might just write a fanfiction accompanied with art but we shall see. not sure if i post it if i do. but its a thought that counts i guess.

#txt

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feelo-fick · 6 months

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Scarab & Prismo & Snufkin & Muddler for the character bingo!

(doesn’t have to be all of these of course. But can be)

I NEED TO KILL SCARAB. ITS A NEED. I NEED HIS BLOOD (<- will weep at any angst including him). HES EVEYTHING HES HORRIBLE HES A WRETCHED THING I HATE HIM HES THE WORST I WILL KISS HIM. AUGH. what the hell.

anyways i find him relatable.. something something vulnerability hard and shit yada yada but ALSO i make weird squawking/squeaky noises when im annoyed and i like to imagine he does that with the chirping... its funny

ALSO THE FANDOM KEEPS MAKING HIM SUFFER AND I LOVE IT AND WANT MORE BUT ALSO OW FUCK THAT HURTS WHY OW OW OW everything about his - concerning - respect (kneel for your life.) for authority (he was only following orders.) and isolation (he was never invited to those parties.) from the rest of. well everyone (he doesnt need them. he enjoys being alone. he doesnt need anyone else. he doesnt want it, he doesnt want it, he promises he doesnt.) is just SO. augh.

and the self sabotaging aspect of it. no one will love you, youve accepted that, so you stop sanding down your teeth. you bite and claw at any attempt to soothe your aches and stroke your spikes down, theyre only trying to find a soft spot near your belly.

your worst fears come true. youll never let it happen again. youll stand straight, youll make yourself seem bigger to scare off anyone who tries to come close to you. which leads to anyone who couldve helped you being dissuaded and backing off. serves them right, you never needed fixing. you never needed anyone. ...the clycle begins again. it aches. why? it shouldnt. that isnt allowed.

they should stop that, stop poking at the weak spots. it hurts to feel. you KNOW its to help. you dont want to be helped. stop it, stop. everyones going to know. they cant know it aches. theyll use it against you. keep kneeling, head lower, arch your back. maybe theyll be amused enough to give you mercy.

...cough. well anyways. im gonna stop here before this turns into a full on character analysis and MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ONEEEE WOO

(youll start to notice a pattern that i express love for characters by wishing to kill them cough)

ANYWAYS MY SECOND HUSBAAND WHOM I WANT DEAD . hes. hes so. i cant.

i honestly love his aesthetic i dont know why. the tv/light/dream shit has a lot of potential methinks. i love the thought of a job swap au where prismo uses light/tech as a way to interact with the world while still being stuck somewhere else... and also the visual funkiness of him being projected onto many many tv screens brings me joy. i want that gender...

also. in general i love it when gods are depicted ss being really mortal-like... like, youre a cosmic being with power and omnipotence over the multiverses you watch over, and yet. you like sandwiches and pools and games and hanging out wih friends and its just. on every level but literal you are mortal and alive and wholly r e a l. but youre not. youre a dream, a projection, youre not even in the dimensions of the people you (love) watch. youre an outsider and its very clear. youre THIS CLOSE to being just like them. but youre not. and you never will be.

youre admired by those who are like you, but you dont really care for it. but those who you do care about either dont see you as anything more than a tool to manipulate the multiverse or see you as too grand to be able to connect with in a way that isnt "you are god and i am not". youre stuck in a prison you yourself control. but a prison is still a prison. people want what you have- how you wished they had it instead of you! maybe then, youd be loved. maybe then, things wouldnt be so ear-deafingly quiet. silence sticks out like a sore thumb in the yearning- the wish to not be alone.

OKAY AM I JUST GONNA DO THIS FOR ALL OF THEM. WHAT THE HELL. MOVING ON.

okay this time im not gonna intensely analyse his character. hopefully.

AHEM . SNUFKIN!!!! my best friend i love him so so much.......... i need to absorb his fucking vibes and gender so hard what the hell. LIKE BROTHER. HOW DO YOU PULL OFF THAT MUCH SWAGGER WITHOUT EVEN TRYING oh and also there are so many things wrong with you are you like okay bud...

i like to think that "omg hes just like me frfr" but the fact that i get so excited about that thought proves that I actually kin moomintroll nsnxjsjjsj WHICH MAKES SENSE. makes a lot of sense

i love how people interpret his personality... and i love seeing all the potential angst/drama/whatever you call it that could pop up because of how avoindant he is... and his relationships with the other characters... the way he so easily distances himself from others while (i know this isnt about him but once you talk deeply about one of them i suppose you cant leave out the other) moomintroll clings a little too hard onto him...

ill be honest im a bit rusty on anything moomin related, so forgive my poor memory + hesitation, but i do love em a lot still!!! no hyperfixation is dead, just dormant, as they say........... havent thought about them in a while but i should really brush up on everyones characters and the way they interact ... would be really helpful for some analysis and application to my own work and- YEAH WHATEVER YOU GET IT NEXT ONE

OKAY SO I HAVENT HEARD TOO MUCH ABOUT MUDDLER (aside from bloom's stuff - bless you bloom) BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT HES VERY RELATABLE AND FUNKY AND I LOVE HIM FOR THAT... button collector.... so me fr............

im quite neutral on account of the fact that (again) i havent seen much of him, but i think hes really neato and also(!) i actually used him as inspo for my sona design... ITS JUST THAT, his design fucks so hard so so hard its such a good design. PEAK. absolute peak...

IDK ! i think muddler is such a nice and cool little critter... i would love to have more content of him!!! i need to know more about him!!! honestly atp someone could tag me on muddler content id be happy to have it... i think id really really love him if i just knew more(!!!) but i dont unfortunately waaah..

#TYANKS FOR THE ASK WOOHOO THIS TOOK FOREVER BECAUSE OF THE ANALYSIS BITS HAHAHAHHAHA #woopee! yippee!!!#thanks heather!!?#no question mark***#anyways i wanna answer your prismo and scarab oc projection ask now that im on a roll with this...#huhuhuhu

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