#he should've been shown as the small child he was
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i see this jason todd who actually looks his very young age (instead of the 30yr old man that comics like to portray)
and feel my heart breaking just imagining bruce beating him up, almost killing him, mind-breaking him, and just overall being a total piece of shit father towards him.
a huge chunk of the reason why people don't view bruce's actions towards jason as abusive or wrong is because jason doesn't look his age. he's drawn to be this 35yr old father of three who looks even older than dick (and way too on par with bruce) that people see their fights as one between batman and any of his regular rogues. when they fight, it just looks like batman is fighting a man his age and not an actual young person. it doesn't look like batman is fighting his son who's barely even drinking age (and who def wasn't drinking age in utrh). their fights are portrayed in a way that eliminates the very real power struggle between them.
this applies to jason's entire character as well. a lot of people don't sympathize with how he died or his actions as robin or his fights with the other bats because he doesn't look his age. he always looks older and scarier than everyone else. tim has many sympathizers from the titans tower incident because jason just looked like a grown man fighting a 12yr old (even tho i disagree, tim was built and like 17 lmfao).
anyways, i just wish comics would actually draw jason to look his age, which literally ranges from 19 to early twenties. he's young- so young, and it's so annoying to see him drawn and written as someone older than even bruce.
#the way everyone in jason's robin run saw him as this adult despite him being 12-15#like what the fuck#just because a child has experienced more than the average adult doesn't make him any less of a child#it's like the typical groomer thought process#if jason was shown younger in arkham knigjt for example there'd be less people calling him whiny#they showed 15yr old jason's torture scenes like he was a 25 yr old#he should've been shown as the small child he was#it would've put more perspective into how cruel and fucked it was of the rogues to torture a literal child#and then bruce almost killing him in rhato...#now imagine if jason looked his age there#honestly this all just feeds into the idea that jason feels too small for his big body#imagine being this tiny kid growing up and then dying and coming back to life as this tank#arghhhhh!!!!!#jason todd#red hood#batman#jason peter todd#bruce wayne#jason todd deserves better
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hello! How are you? I see your requests are open? If it's alright, can i request some angst, but with a happy ending because I'm too damn soft🥲 Fem Tav being absolutely devastated when Astarion confessed but also that he was originally manipulating and using her? I never see anyone writing Tav being upset over that, like she's in love with him, but is rightfully angry and upset with him and just sobs while avoiding him for a while? 🥲
Hi hi anon! I'm good, thanks for asking <3 I hope you're alright too!
I love this idea so much aaaaah! I had to start writing pretty much immediately ahaha
Thanks so much for the request, I hope you enjoy it <3
🤍 Feel Better 🤍
Pairing: Astarion x Tav
Word count: 1.7k
Tags: angst with a happy ending, some mild anxiety, arguing, Tav says a few not so nice things maybe
"I care about you."
It's true when you say these words to Astarion. At least you think it's true. At least it was true just five minutes ago.
You're pretty sure it's still true.
You pull Astarion into a hug, and aren't sure if you do it because you want to hug him, or because it feels like the right thing to do.
He hesitates for a moment, but puts his arms around you as well. You're overcome with a wave of happiness that he hugged you back, then sadness that he just admitted to having manipulated you, then anger that you were dumb enough to fall for it.
When he holds your hand, you see a glint of sincerity in his eyes. But you're not sure you can trust your own judgment anymore. Part of you wonders if he actually means it this time.
You know it wouldn't make sense for him to lie again, right after confessing his last lie and admitting that he felt bad for it.
But it didn't make sense for him to lie the first time either.
You've been defending Gale when the others were mad about his secret, and he wasn't sleeping with you. You tried to stand up for Wyll when Mizora showed up, and he hadn't shown even a hint of interest in you. You sided with Karlach and helped her deal with the paladins when you didn't even know her yet.
In short, you've been doing your damnedest to protect the people around you, not because you wanted anything in return, but because you're all in an unfortunate situation, just trying to stay alive, and you believe it'll be better for all of you to help each other. You would've done the same for Astarion, without him ever doing so much as touch you.
Your thoughts cause unease to rise within you, getting worse with every second. Once he lets go of you, you excuse yourself, rushing off to a quiet place, out of view from the others.
You sink to the ground, leaning your head back against the wall as your vision goes blurry. Before you even notice it, tears stream down your face and you suppress a sob.
You feel betrayed. Astarion played with your feelings just to gain a benefit from you, with seemingly no care how it would make you feel. You should've gotten angry at him, told him off for manipulating you, screamed at him for hurting your feelings.
Instead, you gave him a hug and said you care about him.
Underneath the anger and hurt, your feelings for him are still there, maybe stronger than ever. If you could just move past this, maybe the two of you can be happy together after all.
It makes you feel like a child, thinking that you're in some kind of fairy tale romance. But you're not the protagonist of a storybook, and you're starting to have serious doubts that Astarion is the prince who will sweep you off your feet and bring you eternal happiness.
And yet, that small part of you makes you decide to stay with him for now and hope everything will work out for the better. You're not sure if you're naive, stupid, or if Astarion really is worth trying, but you trust your gut feeling, even when your brain is telling you to break things off immediately.
Still, you can't help feeling hurt over everything that happened, so over the next couple of days you pull away from Astarion. It's not your intention, but whenever you're close to him, you start to feel dizzy, sick even. You feel your chest tighten and a knot form in your stomach that gets worse the longer you're around him.
You used to not get enough of being close to you, now it feels like your whole body recoils against his presence.
Astarion doesn't seem to notice that anything has changed -- Or if he does, he doesn't show it. If anything, he's become even more affectionate with you.
He's been seeking out your touch more often, giving you occasional hugs and stealing kisses from you. They make your heart beat faster, but you can't tell anymore if it's because you love him or because it sends your brain into overdrive each time, wondering if he's doing it because he wants to be close to you or because he wants to keep you hooked so you won't turn away from him now.
You hate that you have to question him. You hate that you feel like you can no longer trust him when you blindly would've put your life in his hands just a few days ago.
To make things worse, life has decided to hurl even more struggles at you while you're dealing with your feelings.
The Shadow-Cursed Lands have been getting especially cold at night. You try to stay as close to the fireplace as possible, but it feels like the darkness sucks away any warmth provided by the fire, so you're left shivering and wishing you could lie in a warm bed with several blankets instead.
"Wanna cuddle a little for warmth?" Astarion's voice catches you off guard and you almost flinch when you notice him standing beside you, watching you shiver and grasping your arms.
"Not that I have much body heat to give off, but, you know… I could be there for you in spirit." He continues, giving you a smile that looks almost a little shy.
You're hesitant at first, but something about the way he looks at you plugs at your heartstrings. You can't resist him, not when he looks like he's sending silent prayers to the gods that you'll agree.
"Yeah, sure. At the very least you'll block off a bit of the cold, right?" You say, earning a chuckle from him.
"I'll do my very best to shield you from the cold, darling."
He settles down facing you, wrapping one arm around you to pull you closer to his chest.
You try your best to relax, but your body still tenses around him, even when you try to just swallow down your feelings.
You lie in silence for a while, until Astarion sighs.
"Is everything alright, dear? You've been acting a little off lately. I wasn't sure if I should mention it at all, but to be honest, I am a little worried." His tone is serious, void of the usual playfulness in his voice.
Damn it. He noticed.
"It's nothing, really," you say, hoping that he'll drop it. Instead, he just looks at you, sceptical.
"Are you sure? You can talk to me, you know." He frowns brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "It's just," he hesitates, like he's unsure of what to say, "I feel like you've started avoiding me ever since I opened up about my feelings. So, I've been thinking, maybe I misread the signs and you actually never wanted to move past… Whatever the hells it was we had before," he rambles. Then, a little quieter, he adds, "You know, I've never done this whole relationship thing, and I really don't want to make a fool of myself by pursuing someone who doesn't like me that way." He lets out a nervous chuckle.
Oh hells no.
"Make a fool out of you?" The words break out of you, louder and angrier than intended. "What about me, who made a fool out of herself the whole time thinking you actually liked me?" You should stay composed, calm yourself before you say something you regret, but at that moment, all the complicated feelings you've been having swirl together and explode within you. "You didn't stop once to think about that, did you? But when it's about you having to deal with something unpleasant, suddenly it's a problem. Don't you think that's a little selfish of you?"
By the way Astarion looks at you, you'd think he'd just been slapped. Then he averts his eyes and you feel his hands tightening, gripping the back of your shirt.
"Right," he sighs. "I deserve to be called selfish, I suppose."
Astarion takes a deep breath, his jaw clenching as he thinks about what to say next, before he relaxes it again. "I know what I did to you was wrong. I manipulated you and you didn't deserve that. At all." His voice quivers a little as he continues to speak. "And I know it's no excuse, but this is what I've done for two centuries. Manipulate people to avoid getting hurt. I have no damn idea how to navigate a relationship with someone who isn't trying to make me suffer at every turn, or someone who I know will meet a terrible end because of me."
He looks at you again with a pained expression. "I really do care about you, despite what I've done, you know? I didn't intend to care about you, but you crushed all my intentions just by being your wonderful, amazing self. And if you're willing to give me another chance, I promise to make this right. I promise I won't ever try to deceive you again. I want to be someone worthy of your love and I'll do what I can to be that kind of person."
This time you're absolutely certain that he's sincere. There's not a sliver of doubt in your mind about that.
You don't even realize that you haven't said anything in a while until you notice Astarion grow increasingly nervous, looking at you like he expects you to cuss him out and tell him to leave any second.
You grab his hand and press a kiss to his palm. "I am willing to give you a chance," you say, seeing the instant wave of relief rush over his face. "I know you're new to all of this, and I know you've been through a lot. I should've talked about this sooner instead of just avoiding you. And I shouldn't have yelled earlier either. So I'm sorry as well."
Astarion presses his forehead against yours, pulling you into a close hug. "So things are good between us now, right?"
You nod, leaning in to kiss his cheek before nuzzling into his chest. "Yeah, everything's alright."
Title inspired by this
#astarion#bg3 astarion#bg3#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate astarion#astarion x mc#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#i really struggled picking a name for this but ig that's it now lol#some day I'll pay someone to name my fics for me /hj#side quests
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How sweet
child!Riddle x child!reader
yes lets forget how dead this account was until now💀 Half way through writing I forgot I was writing for child!Riddle but everything works out in the end yeyyy -K.
✧|: Riddle being salty cuz he doesn't want a babysitter tutor at home so he's really mean to you at first but then you start doing all these really nice things that makes Riddle want to cry in a good way and now he doesn't know what to do.
༶•┈This will be part one (1/2?)
When Riddle thought all was lost, that he could never get to taste a sweet strawberry tart nor play outside with his friends ever again, his mother hires a... tutor? and you're the same age as him? like he's supposed to care, if anything he's even more displeased!
After the recent incident, young Riddle really couldn't think his life could get any more restricting than it already is. He can't play, he has to watch what he eats, he has to keep up with his academics, and now his mother's hiring a tutor to keep him company when she's not around?
"Do I really need this...?" It's been a few days since then, yet Riddle still couldn't bring himself to look her in the eyes, not after what he did. He didn't want to anger her any further. "You certainly have a long way to go until you can gain my trust back, and what better way to show me, than with this." She gestured to you at her side, posture straight with a slight smile on your face.
The young boy has heard of you prior before your arrival from his mother. You as well have been placed in the same position as Riddle, yet unlike him, you didn't seem to dislike the idea of having to work twice as hard for both him and yourself. If anything, you looked very much delighted to be here.
With a small bow you then began to introduce yourself, but all Riddle was able to focus on with your voice fading out was the slight ringing in his ears that grew louder by time.
"Now, do try to get along."
.
A week has gone by. A week of you constantly pestering Riddle to work twice as hard. A week of extra papers piled up on his desk. A week of the very thread of his patience finally on the brink of snapping, or in short,
it was a week of pure torture.
Again, Riddle really didn't understand why you were needed here. He was doing just fine by himself, save for what happened and for the very reason WHY you are present here in the first place but he's changed! He's already been enduring this far without complaining, so surely that was enough proof he no longer had any ulterior motives in changing his daily routine his mother has given, right?
"You should've completed these papers by now."
And again, your annoying voice cuts of his train of thought. "You shouldn't be slacking, I've been given strict instructions to make sure you finish these on time", you say while taking the paper Riddle just finished and replacing it with another.
"I'm not some immature child, you don't have to tell me every time, my oh so annoying Tutor, and for one, I dont need a babysitter either." Despite the initial fear of his mother finding out he's been speaking to you in this disrespectful manner, (unbeffiting of the rosehearts name) this is the relationship you've made from the one week spent here together, and besides, you're both the same age! 'Formalities shouldn't be taken that seriously', Is what you said, but Riddle already had no intentions of refering to you in any high regard (because of his newfound bitterness with a hint of saltyness for those around him).
"Hey! I already told you to think of me more as your study buddy! I have my own homework to do too you know."
"You say that and yet you continue to nag at me like an old lady, how irritating."
"It's not nagging, I'm simply looking out for you."
Yeah right. Despite the happy display you've shown at your first meeting, Riddle knows it was all a play, that you're only here because you were forced into this position. With a sigh, Riddle finally finished the last of his homework, stretching his small arms up into the air to signal his victory over the sheets of problem filled papers.
"There, I'm finished. Now will you give me this time for myself or will you continue on with this pointless conversation?" With that the playful look on your face disappeared, and in it's place you let out a small laugh, but it lacked any sense of glee, accompanying it was a sad smile.
"I thought the conversation to have been... nice. You don't often come to openly chat with me, even if it's for things relating to outside of your academics. That's why your mother- I mean, that's why I—"
The chair scraped the floor as Riddle shot up from his seat, giving you a look that clearly showed his distaste for the topic you took on. You never broke eye contact as tension soon began to build up. It was moments after, Riddle finally chose his next choice of words, and did they stung, cutting deeper than any paper cut you've ever received. "Let me make one thing clear," your breathing was becoming heavy, but you hung onto his every word, "If you think being my tutor would give you some sort of privilege to speak to me like we're close, as if we're actually friends, then please leave."
You could only watch as he promptly made his way towards the kitchen, probably wanting to be anywhere away from you, is what you think. Sighing, this may come to be more difficult of a task than you expected, but you weren't just going to leave like what Riddle wanted. You've already made it this far into a week with him, so you're not going to give in and give up. Afterall, Riddle is your friend, you just need a bit more time in order to help him see it. To accept you were there for him.
You caught onto his final words, and that only was the beginning.
"I've had enough of people expecting me to be better,"
'You're a Rosehearts for our Great Seven's sake! this shouldn't be difficult for you to do right?!'
"To have others cut into my life without warning when I tell them not to, only to leave once I've been caught,"
'You can study later, come on let's play, and eat all the sweets we want in the meantime!'
"I need at least one person to do their job correctly, so make things easier for me, will you?"
#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#y/n#twisted wonderland x mc#twisted wonderland x yuu#twisted wonderland#riddle rosehearts x reader#riddle rosehearts x you#riddle rosehearts#kishira writes
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What do you think Sephiroth's life would've been like if Hojo had been a good father?
Hojo's ability to be a "good" father is automatically compromised given that Sephiroth is a human experiment. If he were a "good" father, he wouldn't have subjected his unborn child to alien cells that would later impact his entire existence. Sephiroth would've been a normal child and grown up away from the Jenova mess and SOLDIER.
But let's say Hojo does go through with Sephiroth's conception and later has a change of heart about his son. He's still an asshole who commits unspeakable atrocities to the adults that should've been in Sephiroth's life, but he decides to take a lighter approach to Sephiroth's upbringing.
• He would've let Sephiroth enjoy childish whims such as fairytales, toys, candy, etc. He would've even indulged him, using unscientific terms like "magic" from time to time to define perfectly explainable concepts.
• He would've let him see the outside world. My assumption is that Sephiroth was kept confined to the labs and some places in the Shinra HQ, so in this AU Hojo would've let him experience the world and befriend children his own age.
• He wouldn't have done whatever torture he was canonically putting Sephiroth through. He wouldn't have put a cap on the dissection completely, but he wouldn't deliberately subject his son to pain.
• Hojo would've shown him love as any parent would, and in whatever way that's natural to Hojo. Maybe he would've been capable of physical affection, or performed small acts of kindness like brushing his hair, offered fatherly advice, meaningful conversations, that sort of thing.
• Sephiroth would've grown into a happier, more well-adjusted man with a genuine bond with his father. The care he received would've fostered a sense of loyalty and devotion to their little family, since it's all he has.
• But Hojo, being Hojo, would still lie about his mother. He would continue to hide the truth about Lucrecia and the details surrounding the Jenova project, insisting that Jenova is his mother, and she did indeed die during childbirth.
• Sephiroth's curiosity and yearning for his mother doesn't go away, it's just lessened because he loves his father and knows that he would never lie to him.
• And then that dreaded mission to Nibelheim happens. It unfolds just as it was always meant to.
• Sephiroth finds himself locked in that library for a week. And he reads everything. Everything.
• Except this time, he comes out—seemingly—fine. He's a bit tired, yes and he could use some food and water. But it's nothing that can't be taken care of on the trip back to Midgar.
• The first thing he does when he's back home is go see his father—like always.
• Sephiroth greets him with the sharper end of the Masamune. He watches as the blade impales his loving father who he spent his whole life trusting and idolizing, the father who lied to him. He watches as Hojo succumbs to the blow.
• Then he turns and leaves.
• He burns the Shinra building to the ground, taking Midgar with him in his fit of rage as he incinerates everything.
• And he goes back to his mother. After all, Jenova is his one true parent, and she would never lie to him.
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The Moon and Sun (Big Sib Reader x Gon/Killua)
Ch 14: A Protector's Failure
Synopsis: You recall everything that's led you up to this point. The good and bad, while the boys try their best to cope with your temporary absence.
An: This is a skipable chapter because I know some people can't stand a backstory chapter. But it does give some insight on our insert's actions.
Key: 🌑☀️🌑☀️=pov change from Y/n to the boys. 🌘🌘🌘🌘=Transition between Y/n's memories/present
-----------------
Rushed footsteps could be heard throughout the forest. The little pitter-patter reverberating off the trees. A child no more than five being the source of the sound. Pushing her body the fastest it could go.
Unawares of the unforeseen threat giving chase. Slowly closing in from above. All at once the being descended down on her, tackling the child down to the floor. The both of them tousling on the ground from the force.
"Got you Kari!" The being announced.
Another kid. This one a bit older with a prominent gap between their teeth.
"You're getting better, but still not fast enough," they continued before helping the other one up.
"You were cheating, Y/n! You used your nen!" The younger one whined out.
"Duh. You should've been using your nen too. You would've been able to sense me coming."
The older one playfully bumped the other's shoulder. Giggling at the way she turned her head and huffed.
"C'mon, we've been away long enough. Let's head back to the village before they start to get suspicious." Taking the smaller one's hand and starting to lead her away. But there was a small tug pulling them back.
"Do we have to go back right away? Can't we stay here a little longer?" It sounded hopeful from the small girl.
"You know how Fathe-," the older one shook their head. "You know how Reik gets. We can't keep him waiting."
But a feeling of dread lingered in the air. Something foreboding in it.
Almost like a warning.
🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️
You quickly jolted up. Breathing heavily as you came to. Catching your disheveled reflection in the puddle in front of you. (Having chosen a small cave to fall asleep in last night.)
That dream.
Why that one?
Why now?
You didn't want to see it. You didn't want to see her. You were already pushed past your limit, and now this? It was so frustrating you let out a scream. Your poor vocal cords straining once again, not yet fully healed.
God damnit.
Goddamn everything.
You forced yourself to calm down, remembering where you were. The NGL. You'd been here for about a week now. Only three more to go until you saw your boys again.
You didn't want to leave the boys behind, and part of you still wished you hadn't. That you had just stayed instead. But it really was for their own good.
You were no longer capable of keeping them safe. The altercation with the cat chimera ant had shown you that. You weren't good enough to protect them anymore. So it was decided you needed a safe place to train without distractions.
Without risking either one of them getting hurt.
And while that was your main reason for leaving so abruptly, it wasn't the only one. The blue hat tucked away in your pocket was another.
Kite.
You searched everywhere for him when you first got here. Tracking the faint trail of his aura all the way back to the place where you were attacked. Making sure to lower your heart rate in case that same ant detected you.
But all you found when you got there was blood. Caked and dried in splatters on the dirt. Too much for any living person to lose. You couldn't help but throw up at the sight.
Disgust and grief mixing together as you heaved up everything you had. There was no way he could've survived that. Even if he did manage to defeat that thing, he would've lost too much blood to just walk away.
And judging by the malicious aura barley in reach of your en, it was still out there.
You'd run away like a coward.
Like you always did.
And Kite paid the price for your selfishness.
You clutched his hat tightly as you recalled the sight. The little specs of blood on the brim were yours, but it may as well have been his from the way guilt seemed to consume you the longer you stared at it.
Another person you cared about dead because you wanted to protect your own life.
Maybe that was why you dreamt about her. A reminder that this wasn't the first time you'd run away so callously. Or maybe it was because of that stupid old man. Calling you by a name you'd long discarded, forcing you to remember the atrocities attached to it.
You didn't like remembering, but it was getting harder and harder to avoid doing so. You deserved to suffer, and maybe your mind decided torturing you with the past was the way to do it.
You shook your head to rid the thought. Now wasn't the time to feel sorry for yourself. You still had a long way to go before you were combat ready. Before you could stomach the sight of blood.
Although, you couldn't help but wonder how Gon and Killua were taking it.
You sincerely hoped they were doing fine without you.
🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️
The sound of glass shattering echoed throughout the small home, startling Gon awake. There was a splintering sound of something bigger hitting the floor. Followed by a few curses.
That definitely wasn't right.
He quickly got up and rushed towards the living room. Eyes widening as he identified the cause for all the commotion.
Killua.
And he looked very upset.
Raising up something else to break before Gon stopped him.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
The small assassin didn't answer, fearing that if he did, he would once again break down.
"Where's Y/n?" Gon tried again. Knowing that there was no way you wouldn't have gotten up to comfort Killua.
But despite his good intent, it seemed that wasn't the right thing to ask right now. Killua walked over to the table and sat down with his head in his hands. Letting out a shaky breath as he eyed the crumpled up note he found earlier.
The boy in green following his line of sight and picking up the note to read.
Dear my little moon and sun,
By the time you're reading this I'll have returned to the NGL. I truly am sorry to have left without saying a word, but I have my reasons. I need to work on my own skills and strength so that what happened with the cat chimera ant never happens again. It's something I need to do by myself, no matter how much it pains worries me to leave you two by yourselves. I know you two of you are dead set on proving yourselves through Netero's game, but I could care less for that old geezer's instructions. Nevertheless, I know you'll both succeed in taking those two other game pieces. That you'll both improve your skills drastically. I have complete faith in you, so when the month's over, I better see your faces cross the border! I'll be waiting until then.
Apologies, Y/n.
Oh.
He understood now.
Though he wasn't angry with you like Killua. Just disappointed that you'd once again chosen to do this by yourself. A hunch that you still didn't trust them. Seems his instincts had been right after all. He looked over towards his best friend, frowning at the defeated look he had.
"Why...Are we not enough for them to stay?" Killua's voice was quiet, a drastic change from his previous frustration.
Then his despair returned to anger. Hands clenching and body lightly shaking.
"Do they just hate us!?! Were we really that terrible that they decided to leave again!?! Damnit Y/n, why do you keep doing this!?!? Why do you keep running away!?!?" Frustrated tears now running down his face.
"Was yesterday just a cover up!?! All of it, just pretending like they weren't going to leave us!!!"
Because you'd been smiling so much yesterday.
Joking around, tucking them into bed, giving them a goodnight kiss. Was all of it just so they wouldn't have suspected anything?
'Your friends will leave you.'
No, not you. You were supposed to stay. You were supposed to be here right now. You were supposed to be his big sibling.
A hand on his shoulder stopped his frantic thoughts.
"They weren't faking. They probably didn't know how to tell us." Gon tried to explain. It was what he figured anyways.
Because you didn't have to comfort him last night. You didn't have to put him back to bed. And the way you hesitated when he caught you sneaking out.... Conflicted like you didn't really wanna leave.
How could any of that have been faked?
But Killua wasn't fully convinced yet.
"That's just the thing, they don't trust us enough to tell us anything! How do we know that this time they're telling the truth!?!"
It hurt.
Not being able to trust the one person that was supposed to keep him safe.
Did you really go back there to get stronger, or did you leave to find Kite?
Because clearly you seemed to prefer his company over theirs.
"Think about it," Gon started.
"Y/n said they're going back there to get stronger. Do you know what that means? It means they're gonna fight. And do you what that means?"
If you planned on fighting then...
"They're going to break their promise...to keep us safe." But was that really why?
Killua didn't know anymore.
"If they really did leave for good, then why would they leave a note? Y/n is waiting for us. They're counting on us to get stronger. I understand why you're upset, I wish they would've told us too. But if there's one thing Y/n isn't, it's someone who doesn't honor their word."
And for whatever reason, those words started to ease the doubts eating away at him.
"How are you so sure this time?"
"Killua, they almost died just to make sure we were okay first. How can you not be so sure?" It was stated as a matter of fact.
And now that he said it, Killua felt like an idiot.
Yesterday was just you trying to have one last good day before you left. You probably thought you wouldn't get another chance. That you might die in the NGL by yourself.
It was real.
And so was everything else before that.
"You're right.... But I still haven't forgiven them. They can't just keep leaving like this. It's-"
"Worrying. I know." Gon agreed.
"How do you think they're holding up?"
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It was raining again.
Pouring down in endless buckets. And the first good rain of the year usually meant...
Today was officially your birthday.
You must've been 20 by now. Maybe 21. You don't really remember anymore. Not the official date anyways. But the one thing you did remember was that it always poured heavily, and you hated it.
You hated it for ruining your fun when you were a child, and you hated it now for stalling your training. Once again stuck in some small cave to avoid getting wet. Left with nothing but your thoughts to entertain you. How unfortunate that they kept drifting back to the one thing you didn't want to think about.
The Mizaki Clan.
Your 'family.'
You blamed Netero for bringing them up. You blamed yourself for continuously screwing up. You blamed the clan for putting you in this situation in the first place.
A part of you was grateful for what they gave you, at least during the early years. Another part of you respected them for the opportunities they've given so many. But the biggest part of you hated everything they stood for. The part of you that would never forgive them.
Fuck it.
You were tired of fighting the thoughts away.
Tired of repressing memories that would just come back twice as strong.
It didn't matter anymore. No one was here to see you break anyways. You could be weak if it was with yourself. Relying on your own comfort like you always had.
The Mizaki Clan, a clan of skilled hunters. The duties of each respective member being divided into three categories: Trapper, Tracker, and Trader.
Most were orphans who'd been found and taken in. Few had been outsiders married in. Even fewer were born into the clan. For all the shit they put you through, they were anything but discriminate when it came to accepting new members.
You were an orphan. The story goes, you were found in the backyard of an abandoned residence. The man who found you, Reik, was the current clan head. But at that time he'd barely taken over the reigns.
To you, Reik had been your father. And the truth was the same for others around your age. You'd believed he was a compassionate yet stern leader. Someone to be respected and loved at the same time.
Oh how wrong you were. A naive and foolish child.
Turns out the story of your upbringing had been a lie. You'd found out the truth because you witnessed it happen to someone else firsthand.
It was at the age of seven you found out. The age where everything started falling apart. When the illusion of blind devotion started to fade away.
You'd been assigned a mission with a few others. Reik had been among them. The targets had easily been disposed of. Of course they were, they were ordinary people who happened to cross the wrong person.
When your group went to leave, a wailing sound filled the air. It was only a matter of seconds before the source of the crying was found. Father had discovered a small child hidden away inside a closet.
Who, upon finding the baby, met your eyes and told you, "It's our job to make sure we finish off our targets. No matter what, for the good of the clan. But it's also our responsibility to handle loose ends.
Our client only specified a man and a woman. Therefore this child is our burden. A baby is pure. Born without the sin of their parents. Do you understand, little one? None of this is personal."
The phrase became one you hated. "It's nothing personal." It was very personal.
Looking back on it now, he didn't have to take that baby in. He didn't have to take any of them in, yet he did. It had you thinking that maybe, somewhere deep down, that man actually felt guilt and remorse for what he did.
Then again, he always justified his actions with them being for the good of the clan.
A small part of you couldn't let go of the man you'd perceived him to be. Didn't want to believe his actions had never been out of kindness, but necessity.
You wanted to hate him, and you should have.
But you were just sad if anything. Frustrated that he was up on a pedestal that couldn't be questioned. Because if it was, they'd end up like you.
Like Kari.
Your Kari. Your little sister that had been taken far too soon from this world. Eyes such a light brown they were almost golden. Hair a fluffy mess of curls.
It was your fault she was gone.
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At the age of seven you were what most would call an absolute demon. Always getting into fights. Always biting people and using the gap between your teeth as leverage to sink them in deeper. Always showing off.
Today had been one of those days.
You'd just come back from retrieving a special object. Your goal was to turn it in to either Reik or a fellow trader. You'd decided on the later, strolling through the dirt roads of the village.
What was the name of the person you were supposed to see? Winnie? Winfred? Wonka? Eh, didn't matter anyways.
You were gonna make a pitstop first and pay a visit to your favorite old codger. Kari was sick after all. Perhaps some sweets would make her feel better. And he was the only one with a working oven.
Your thoughts were interrupted by a harsh shove to your shoulder. A few other kids shoving past you. Laughing as they raced away.
You turned your head towards where they came from, watching as an old man tried to give chase. However, he was out of breath after only a few steps.
"Old Mr. Beuru?" You mumbled.
"DAMN BRATS! YOU'RE LUCKY I AIN'T AS YOUNG AS I USED TO BE!"
Your mood immediately dampened. You gave a sigh before focusing your eyes in the distance. Three mischievous auras on your radar. You summoned your nen towards your legs and took off towards them.
It was only a matter of seconds before you caught up. You gave a jump to land in front of them and glared.
Three teenage boys. Who would've guessed?
The ringleader glared right back, popping what you assumed to be candy into his mouth.
"If it isn't one of Father's favorites. Whaddya want? We don't have time to chattering around with a diaper baby."
His two buddies snickered at his remark.
You took the first one as a compliment. Being one of Reik's favorites meant you had a good shot of becoming the clan head one day. That you were a prodigy.
The second one you wouldn't let slide. You'd already outranked these fools in both physical and nen combat. But sure, you were the baby.
"Hand over what you took." Your voice was ice and your aura was authoritative. But it did little to deter them.
"Tch, like we're gonna give you any. You know how hard it was to con that old man?"
That was all the information you needed. You were hot headed by nature. Someone who strikes first, asked questions later.
At least, that was how you used to be.
In the blink of an eye, you'd used your Caster's Net to hog tie the boy's lackies. Your anger being palpable as you tackled the third. Pushing his face in the dirt and using your nen to pin him.
"GET OFF ME!" He screeched.
"THEN GIVE BACK WHAT YOU STOLE!"
"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" He then tried to throw you off. Using his own nen to find some leeway. But as you observed, you were indeed stronger than him.
"BULL! WE'RE MEMBERS OF THE SAME COMMUNITY! IT IS MY BUSINESS WHEN YOU DECIDE TO GO AND PICK ON ONE! NOW GIVE IT BACK!"
"HE HAD IT COMING, NOW GET THE HELL OFF!!!"
"GIVE IT OR I'LL-"
The threat died on your tongue as you were hoisted up. Your nen dissipating from the shock.
It was how you found yourself being interrogated by Father. The altercation causing quite the stir in the village. He questioned the three boys first.
"What was the reason this fight started? You know fighting within the clan is looked down upon. Even more so to be feuding with a member below your age group."
The trio wasted no time coming up with a lie.
"They just jumped us. We were minding our business when they came out of nowhere." The ringleader answered.
Unawares of the eyes focused in on his aura.
"You swear that's all that happened?" Father asked.
"Uh huh. If you ask me, they need to be kept in check."
If looks could kill, you would've ended his life ten times over.
"I see. Now, Y/n what do you recall happening?"
"I was just coming back from my mission and I saw the three of them running away. Mr. Beuru was chasing them so I assumed they did something. And I was right. They stole from him. They even admitted it."
If there was one thing you despised most, it was liars and thieves. Unbeknownst to you, in about a decade that would change to hunters.
Reik looked at you thoughtfully.
"So when they wouldn't hand over what they stole, you decided to get it by force?"
"Yup."
"Fath-Reik, they're lying!"
But he'd already found out the truth. Your aura had been convicting, untainted by deceit unlike the three boys before him.
"You boys should know by now that you can't get anything past me. Please return what you've taken. I promise your punishment will be more lax if you do."
The decision shocked the three boys. But even so, they wouldn't go down without a fight.
"It's no fair! You always side with them!"
"Y/n told the truth. You did not. Am I to side with a thief and a deceiver? You three will spend two days in isolation. Do I make myself clear?"
The trio's pockets were emptied out. Small bags of hard candy found in them. You watched as they were hauled off to the Room. Sticking out your tongue as they passed you by.
You figured isolation was an appropriate punishment. Two days without light, food, and water. Served them right.
You made your way back towards the main village, carrying the bags of sweets. Turns out the person they were stolen from was the one you had been on your way to see.
You knocked twice on the door before entering. The old man looked up at you surprised.
"Guess who just got three jerks in trouble?" You jazzed your hands, causing Beuru to let out a disappointed sigh.
"What was Reik's punishment?"
"Two days of isolation. They were really annoying too. Anyways, here." You held out the bags towards him.
At that, he smiled.
"Glad my day wasn't ruined after all. You know something, Y/n?"
You gave a hum.
"You might be the only kid I can stand. You've still got sticky fingers though. Now, you know what you hafta do if you want one of my deserts."
Because Old Mr. Beuru had to beg Reik for an oven. The only one in the entire village, just so he could bake to impress the old lady he liked. And she'd been the only one he baked for until you came along. His conditions had ranged from various trivia during the time he was growing up.
With that being said, you started humming up an old tune. Then danced in a way that was completely old-fashioned.
"I already had Shura play the Charleston several times, so I'd say I'm a pro now." You bragged, promptly falling flat on your butt afterwards.
The old man laughed, bagging you up something that looked chocolate. His expression turned serious as he handed it off to you.
"Speaking of Shura, don't tell her about what happened here. Okay?"
"Why not, she worries about you, you know?"
"That's exactly why. She's all grown up now. She doesn't need to worry about me when she's got her own life going on."
It was something you didn't understand at the time. Not wanting your child to worry about you. But you sure as hell understood it in the present.
"Now get back home. Isn't your sick sister waiting?" Beuru jested.
"Yeah, yeah. See you around, fossil," you threw over your shoulder as you left.
"Die in a hole, gremlin."
When you'd returned to your home, you had to dodge several of your peers to make it to your room. Most of them wondering what happened with you this time.
You never liked how quickly word would get out.
It didn't matter anyways. Their opinion on you didn't matter. The only one whose you really cared out was...
"Hey, Kari. How's the cold coming along?"
Said girl peaked her head out of a pile of blankets before ducking back down.
"I'm dying. This is the end for me. Remember the Alamo."
You walked over to her bed snickering. Harshly pulling the covers down as she shrieked.
"The Alamo, huh? You've been spending too much time with Deshin."
She pouted up at you. Fighting in a tug of war to cover herself again.
"You've been spending too much time with Deshin. I heard you got in a fight today."
"Yeah cuz' they made me mad. Don't you wanna know why?"
"No." She replied.
You pinched her cheek in retaliation, grinning at her noise of protest.
"Fine. Be that way. It's not like I went out of my way to bring you something special. Me? Never."
Kari quickly shot up at your words. Honey colored eyes beaming as you dropped the bag into her lap.
"You do love me!"
"No duh. You better share!"
Now Kari hadn't been a prodigy like you. In fact, she was the exact opposite. She was way behind the rest of her age group. Not even capable of reading the auras of those around her.
Tracker was off the list of what she would become.
She had a basic understanding of nen and was an enhancer from what you gathered. But she had trouble fighting. Severely lacking when it came to speed.
That scratched Trapper too.
You figured she would've been a trader. Then again, she wasn't very good with people. Most of the one's she interacted with treated her less than because of her weak nen.
She just didn't really fall into any role of the clan. And that made her a target for the older age groups. It's why you met in the first place.
If there was one good thing that clan taught you, it was that your family didn't have to be blood related.
You stood up for her, and ever since then, she'd been one of your own. Your little sister by choice. You'd done your best to coach her. Slowly helping her make improvements in her strength.
And while she was improving, it wasn't fast enough.
That night, the two of stayed up watching the stars. Intertwining hands and making signs while you ate whatever sweet Beuru had made.
It wasn't too long after that things started falling apart.
Your clan hadn't been made up of just any hunters. They were all Blacklist Hunters. Doing unsavory work in the shadows to keep the clan mostly isolated.
Children, like you and her, were trained from the age of three and up to perfect their nen. Prepared by the age of twelve to take the Hunter Exam in order to properly provide for the clan.
Always for the good of the clan.
But in the meantime, most kids with advanced nen would shadow the adults on their mission. You were one of three who had that privilege. The others being your 'best friend' and a girl a year older than you.
It was one of these missions you'd just been selected for. However, you had a condition if you were gonna help out.
Kari had to come with you.
It was more of you wanting her to get experience than it was because you wanted to spend time with her.
Nevertheless, she was allowed to come with you. Your task was to locate an undercover crime boss from his picture. Hers was to be there to catch him when he got scared out.
Finding the man was easy. Based on his stature and preferred traveling habits, you were able to find him in a week. Following the cruel and murky aura all the way to his hideout.
The easy part was done. The hard part would soon begin.
"If you see anything, act. Don't be scared, okay?" You ordered the small girl.
She nodded in return.
With that, you took off with the others in your group. You'd immediately been shot at as you entered. Dodging from side to side and trying to find some cover. Luckily, one of the people you were with had a reflecting ability. Nearly cutting the size of goons in half.
The rest worked on fishing out the leader. Two of the potential targets started running towards the exit. You were only fast enough to catch one. Cracking their skull on the pavement with a kick as the other escaped.
From Kari's perspective, she saw a man fleeing. And remembering your words, used a weak strand of nen to hold him down.
"Please stay still mister. It'll only be worse if you don't." Truthfully, she didn't want to kill anybody. She was counting on you to take care of it, like you always did.
The captive struggled against the bind before begging.
"Please! What is it you people want!?! Money??? I've got plenty! I can send thousands if you let me go! Little girl you don't want to be doing this!"
Kari closed her eyes and raised up her foot. Preparing to end his life. For you. She was gonna do this for you and nobody else. Only here because you stuck your neck out for her. She didn't want to tarnish your reputation.
Then the man said something. Something that completely stopped her in her tracks.
"I HAVE A FAMILY, PLEASE!!!"
She opened her eyes shocked. It was never really something she thought about before. These targets they'd been pursuing had still been people. People with lives and loved ones.
Was it really justified ending their lives?
Was a clan built on blood really something to be proud of?
Who were they to determine if someone should live or die?
It made her feel icky the more she thought about it. Someone paid for this man to die. Or rather, they paid for him to suffer. The rule: No witnesses, no survivors had been a Mizaki invention. He didn't have to die.
So then why were they doing it?
And with her newfound revelation, she released her nen from the man. He hardly spared a glance back at her as he ran. She barley felt your confused aura from behind her.
"Why did you hesitate?"
She jumped at the sound of your voice. Figuring you'd be angry she let him get away.
"It didn't feel right." She justified.
You could only scrunch your face in confusion.
"Why not? He was the guy we were looking for. If you didn't want to kill him, you should've just held him down for me or one of the others."
"It's not that...I didn't think it was right for him to die."
It was an odd thing for you to hear. Of course it was right. It was for the good of the clan. But Kari was younger than you. She wasn't used to this. It made sense that she wouldn't understand. You knew she would in time.
"Then I won't bring you in on any more 'people' missions. Okay? But right now we have to find that man before the others find out. Messing up means a punishment from father."
But it was too late. A thud sounded ahead of you. One of the others had already caught up to your target. And they didn't look too happy about it.
"YOU ALMOST LET HIM GET AWAY! I WANNA KNOW WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!" An older woman lectured.
Before Kari could take the blame, you stepped forward.
"It was me. I miscalculated and he slipped away. I'm sorry."
You always did this. Always vouched, always protected, always accepted the responsibility. And Kari hated it.
It wasn't fair to you.
Yet she said nothing. A fear that if she spoke, she'd be banished from the clan or worse.
She looked on regretfully as you were seated in front of Reik for questioning. She could do nothing except hope you'd be back soon.
Meanwhile, you were sweating buckets. You didn't like lying to Father. He could see through anyone with his eyes.
"Back here in less than a month? It's not like you, little one. From what I gather, you let the target go. Is that correct?"
The air felt tense...But you wouldn't give your sister up that easily.
"Yes, Father. It was my fault we almost lost him."
You were kneeled down before him with your head bowed. Trying to make yourself appear smaller.
"Really? Someone with as much precision as you let the target get away? This hasn't happened to you before. Were you distracted? I'm aware that Kari was with you."
You tensed up, already knowing you'd been found out. But you were stubborn, no matter the odds.
"She was. But I was alone when he got away. She had nothing to do with it."
Your aura was heavy with deceit.
"Y/n, tell me the truth. Kari was the one who let him get away, wasn't she?"
"...No, it was me. It was my fault."
You flinched as you saw him raise a hand in your peripheral. You were surprised when it cupped your cheek, guiding you to meet his eye.
"You should know I'm very proud of you. Not many would stick up for those they cared about when facing punishment. You have a loyalty that runs deep. A quality that makes for a strong hunter."
But as quickly as the warmth came, it was taken. The hand cupping your cheek moved back and slapped you. Your head turning from the force.
"But you out of everyone knows you can't keep things from me. I accept nothing less than the truth. This isn't a matter of stolen goods, this concerns our clan as a whole. I'm disappointed that you would jeopardize that."
The left side of your face was numb. A dark handprint already forming on your skin.
"I'm truly sorry." You quickly placed your head on the floor and put a hand over your heart.
"I didn't mean anything by it. I swear I didn't. Please find it in your heart to forgive me."
"Of course I forgive you, just as I have forgiven those boys. But you still have to face your punishment. The one meant for Kari."
"Yes, Father."
"A week in isolation with the bare necessities. But before you go, I want you to think about something. You risk everything for that girl. You suffer for her. Lie for her. But what has she ever done for you besides get you in trouble? Your loyalty is everlasting and patient, but how much more will she put you through without anything in return? That is all. I hope the week will fly by for you."
You didn't know what to feel at the moment. You'd been praised for protecting Kari, then questioned on if it was the right thing to do.
You loved her, and she loved you.
Right?
She was always there for you when you got back. She always stayed up with you to watch the stars. Always engaged in silent conversations with you.
But then again, Kari never went on any missions you didn't. She never got tired like you and would stay up way past when you fell asleep. She only learned sign language because you found the book on it. She never really got you anything like you had through bartering.
You always covered up for her.
But you did it because you wanted to, not because she asked.
Everything you did for her, you never expected anything in return. Nothing except her support.
Was she supposed to be returning all these favors?
Were you going about this all wrong?
Father seemed to think so.
And maybe it did make you bitter that you were alone in the dark. Maybe you were upset that she didn't finish the target off simply because she didn't want to. Maybe you were upset that she kept blowing the chances you gave her.
Maybe you were tired of doing so much for so little in return.
But it wasn't as black and white as you were lead to believe. As soon as you'd been sentenced, Kari made her way to Reik.
"Is Y/n gonna be okay?" She asked.
"Y/n is facing a week of isolation in your place. They were very adamant on doing so. You should feel so fortunate to have someone who cares that much about you." It was said lightly.
But Kari couldn't help but feel like something malicious was hidden underneath.
"Why so harsh a punishment? It really wasn't all that bad."
She froze as she was met with small glare.
"It could've put our clan in danger. No witnesses, no survivors. If Y/n gets it in their head that it's okay to let our targets go, then they'll do it more frequently. They'll start to lag behind their age group. Right now they have a good chance of taking over the reigns when they're older.
I understand you two are close, but I fear your influence might make them soft. Make them weak. Perhaps it's for the best you two are less involved. It's for the well being of the clan that they don't fall behind. You understand that, right little one?"
And Kari's heart just about broke.
She had never viewed Reik as a father figure. He'd never been as kind to her as he was with you. And now that he verbalized he felt she was dragging you down, she could only dislike him more.
He didn't love you. He didn't love any of you. He just viewed you as a tool to get ahead.
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To say Gon and Killua were shocked would be an understatement. They knew that Palm was 'weird', having met her only once. But this was just absurd.
Apparently her nen ability allowed her to find and contact Bisky, of all people. Saying she did a little research. Whatever that meant. They were too weirded out to ask.
But it might've been for the best. Bisky had helped them out before. She'd been the one to help refine their nen attacks. Surely she could make them strong enough to defeat Morel's students.
Her first reaction upon seeing the boys again was anger. Hitting the both of them over the head for even thinking about completing their training in just a week.
Her next response was confusion. Noticing a very familiar presence was missing.
Yours.
"Hey boys, where's Y/n?" She questioned.
She was sure you left with them. Maybe something happened. And judging by the sulking expressions they wore, something did. Both of them deflating at the mention of your name.
"They didn't die, did they?"
Gon's head quickly shot up. Shocked and in disbelief that Bisky thought you'd die so easily.
"No! Y/n would never! They're just gone for the time being."
"So dead."
This time it was Killua who spoke up, not wanting any further confusion.
"They're back at the NGL with our other friend. Y/n's training and probably looking for him. We…We got ambushed back there. Which is why we need to get as strong as possible quickly."
Bisky nodded, getting a grasp on the situation. She knew you were a bit flaky from your reaction on Greed Island, but maybe that could work in her favor.
Give these boys a little more incentive to push themselves.
"That's even more of a reason you should take training seriously. What do you think is gonna happen when the month's over and you don't show up? They'll be disappointed is what."
"Is it really gonna take a month?" Gon asked.
"Kite's back there, too. The sooner we get both of them out, the better." He justified.
There was something determined in his eye.
But it took more than determination to win battles. Especially up against hunters that had plenty of experience. It was best to take things slow and use up all of the available time.
It'd help them out in the long run.
"A month for sure. Now let's get started! We're going all the way back to the basics!" Bisky announced, causing grumbles from both boys.
You were strong enough to hold out for a month, right?
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It was a murky day when you were released. Humid and cloudy. You hated it. Your footsteps lagged towards your home. You didn't think you wanted to see her right now. You'd spent so much time thinking about what Reik said.
So much time wondering if it was all true.
You hesitantly opened the door to your shared room. The creaking of the door signaling your arrival.
You were surprised to be engulfed in a hug. Why were you surprised? A mess of curls tickling your nose. You hesitated to wrap your arms around her.
"I missed you big sib. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you were in the Room for so long."
You just couldn't find it in yourself to be mad at her. No, she hadn't intentionally left you in the trenches. And you truly were a sucker for anything she did. A crumb of her affection and Father's words faded just like that.
"I missed you, too. Anything big happen while I was gone?" You already knew the answer.
"No. I've been completely bared from shadowing. That's about it...Oh! Shura said she'd play your favorite song when you got out. The one about fall."
She beamed up at you. You couldn't help but smile back.
"Really? How about we go see her right now? I'm sure she's still outside since it hasn't rained yet." A nice melody on the piano was just what you needed right now.
"And if she's not, can we just walk around instead?"
"Sure...But first I have to see Father. I need to get my next assignment before I get rusty."
You grabbed her hand and prepared to pull, but she didn't budge. You looked back at her in confusion.
"Something wrong, Kar?"
"That man isn't my father, and he's not yours either." Her tone was angry. Eyes glaring down at the floorboards.
It shocked you. She was never mad at anything. You didn't even register her words fully.
"What? Are-Are you okay? I know he's not really my dad, but-"
"You know what he really thinks of you? Of us? He thinks I'm a burden to you. He thinks of you as a tool for the clan. It's not right."
Her same words from that night.
But it only made your two loyalties clash. Your respect for Reik and your love for Kari.
"I don't know where all this is coming from, but please stop. You know you're not a burden to me. I love you. And I already know what I am. My purpose is to do what's best for the clan. To get stronger for my people."
She gaped at you for a moment. Then frustration radiated off of her.
"AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT!?! YOU MEAN NOTHING TO HIM AS A PERSON, AND YOU DON'T CARE!?!"
You could feel your own frustration start to increase.
"I didn't say that. I said it's my duty to get stronger for my people. Father sees my potential as a way to do it. That doesn't mean he doesn't care about me!"
She gave a cruel laugh.
"You're in denial! He doesn't love you! Why can't you see that!?! You're so brainwashed you can't even see what he has you doing! He's making you kill people!!! Normal kids don't do that!!!!"
"Well we're not normal! We're Mizaki! The best of the best! Sometimes that means getting our hands dirty! It's how it is! Why can't you see that!?!?"
"BECAUSE IT'S NOT RIGHT! THESE PEOPLE HAVE FAMILIES! THEY HAVE OTHERS WHO CARE ABOUT THEM! WE AREN'T IN THE RIGHT TO SAY WHO LIVES OR DIES! THINK ABOUT IT! WE DON'T HAVE TO KILL ALL OF THEM! IT'S DEAD OR ALIVE, NOT DEAD! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE SPARED SOMEONE WHO WASN'T A BABY!"
"WE HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY! IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL, SO WHY ARE YOU TREATING IT LIKE IT IS! GOD WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!!!"
Your eyes widened when you realized what you said. It was too late to take it back. You could tell by the tears now streaming by her face.
"Kar, you know I didn't-"
"I hate you."
Your blood ran cold. You didn't know how to handle this. She'd never said that to you before. And sure you had your fights, but never like this.
"You don't mean that." Your voice was pleading.
"I hate you. Just go away. Run away to Reik like you always do. You love him more than me anyways."
She pushed past you and out the door.
You could only stand in the center of the room. Mulling over everything that was said. Crying softly as you realized she meant every word.
She really did hate you, didn't she?
You should've kept your mouth shut. You just had to go and ruin everything.
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You threw up for the fifth time today. Already two weeks in and you still couldn't do it. You still couldn't stand the feeling of blood.
You managed to desensitize yourself some when it came to seeing it. The blue blood, at least. You didn't think you could handle red blood.
The feeling of it splattering against your skin or landing on your clothes was enough for you to panic. Collecting the rain and using it to rub your skin clean. To wash away the sticky liquid from your face.
Scrubbing away until your skin was raw. And even then, you still felt filthy.
Your ears picked up a whirring sound. Something was flying towards you. You had a good feeling you knew what it was.
You could feel the bloodlust before you saw the ant. It looked at you with a hungry expression. You were so damn tired of killing these things.
Trying to take out your frustrations on them, only to feel even worse after. It didn't help that you felt two more incredibly malicious auras awaken during the week.
Two more royal guards.
And you couldn't do a damn thing about it unless you wanted to die.
For now, you kept yourself busy with the weaker ones that approached you. Thinking you were easy prey.
"See that line," you said as you pointed to a straight line in the dirt.
"As long as you don't cross that, I'll let you live. I don't care what else you do." Your voice was tired, but healed.
It didn't sting anymore when you spoke.
"You think you can scare me? I'll eat your flesh from your bones!"
The ant lunged towards you. With a snap of your finger, it's body was left hanging in front of you. Dead in a matter of seconds.
You released your nen and watched it fall. The blue spittle from its mouth landing on your shoe. Your stomach immediately churning in disgust.
Make that six times.
🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️
The days seemed to fly by with Bisky's rigorous training. Gon and Killua were already two weeks in. Two weeks of forcing themselves to keep ren as long as possible. Two weeks of fighting Knuckle immediately after.
Two weeks of worrying about you.
It was the middle of the afternoon and they were still struggling to maintain their Ren. Going on the second hour when small thuds sounded at the window.
It was raining, and heavily by the sound of it.
Both boys immediately lost all the fight in them. Giving up on maintaining their aura and looking dejectedly outside.
The rain.
You always smelled like fresh rain.
Something that had been odd, yet comforting.
It was like they just couldn't escape your presence. Unable to focus on training anymore now that they had been reminded of you. Missing you even more now that they couldn't avoid a scent so reminiscent of yours.
"Hey! What's the matter with you two!?! Training isn't over yet!" Bisky scolded.
But neither of them paid her any mind. Instead, watching as it continued pouring outside. Wondering how you were doing out there.
Did you have some shelter from the rain?
Were you warm?
Had you been able to find something to eat?
Things they were sure would have been laughable to you.
"Can we take a break? Just until the rain stops." Gon asked, earning a confused look from Bisky.
"Why? You know we don't have time to be wasting. We only have two weeks left."
She couldn't, for the life of her, understand why now of all times they would want to take a break .It wasn't like they were training outside in the rain. And even then, she'd still make them work.
"You wouldn't understand. Either way, we don't feel like training right now. Not while it's still raining. We won't be able to focus," Killua explained.
It's not that he didn't trust Bisky, but the reason was just too embarrassing to tell her. Especially with Palm eyeing them from the kitchen.
"Fine. But don't expect any breaks for two days, got it?"
The duo nodded, relieved they'd been allowed a small moment of peace.
Killua quickly went to crack open a window. Allowing the sound of rain to be more prominent throughout the small home.
Gon went into the room that had been yours. Eyeing the messy sheets with a bittersweet feeling.
They'd spent about a week taking care of you here. Making sure you wouldn't die of blood loss. That you'd make a full recovery. And then you'd let in a hurry.
He grabbed the comforter you wrapped around the two of you that night. Dragging it out to the spot Killua had chosen.
The both of them sat down, tossing one side of the comforter over to the other. Basking in the warmth it brought along with your scent.
Almost like you were here, giving them a hug.
🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️
It was only five days after your fight that you'd been assigned to shadow another mission. You didn't get a chance to apologize. She'd avoided you too well for you to even make the effort.
But you thought hard about what she said.
You didn't have a problem if Reik didn't really care about you. At the end of the day, he was a mentor. Made to make you stronger. And if that was the extent of your relationship, then so be it.
You only cared about if Kari loved you, and the longer it took to make amends, the less likely it would be.
The thing you really took to heart was her accusations towards the way the clan was ran. She was right about them not having to always kill a target.
She was right about many of them having families. You'd heard so many pleas that you eventually became desensitized. Maybe you could prove a point. Maybe you did have a choice and the clan just went with the easiest one.
It was just your luck that Deshin was shadowing with you. A boy your age with a mixture of black and white hair. Thus the nickname you gave him: cookies'n cream.
He was your rival in a sense. Always competing and pushing to out do each other. It became a friendship built on mutual respect. You argued and teased each other, but that's what kept things interesting.
Your assignment today was to stop anyone inside the building from escaping. A mundane job but considering you took the blame for the last guy escaping, it was only fair.
You scanned inside the building with your eyes as the others went in. It was a decently sized house. You couldn't help but pity whoever was inside.
You'd never done that before.
You watched the relaxed auras inside become overrun with fear. The little blimps of life disappearing one by one. A few screams here and there.
Then you saw one approaching the exit. It was a woman who appeared injured. Blood trailing down her head as she ran.
You quickly intercepted her. Her frantic aura calmed a bit upon seeing you.
"Oh, sweetie. You have to get out of here now. There are bad people inside. We have to run while we can, c'mon!"
You hesitated as she extended a hand out to you.
There was so much sympathy radiating off of her. Motherly, was the feeling. A stranger that was warning you about your own people.
It was dumbfounding.
Father never had this much softness in his aura when he addressed you.
The screams from the building started to quiet down. The woman only further urged you to come with her. Was that guilt you were starting to feel.
A job was a job.
But maybe, things could go differently this time.
"I'm really sorry, ma'am. But there's a bounty on someone who lives here. We have to take in everyone by association no matter what. Please don't take this personally."
She looked at you like she hadn't heard right. Then her panic was full force once again.
She let out a yelp as you summoned your nen to restrain her.
"Please! Please don't do this! My son, he's inside! Please, if you have any humanity at least let him live!"
You couldn't handle her pleas anymore. Using your aura to knock her out. This....This all felt wrong.
You knew if her son was an infant, he'd be fine. Maybe, she would be fine too.
You startled as you felt someone from the group approach. Another older woman. She looked between you and your still breathing captive.
"Why is she still alive. You have your orders."
You glanced down at the lady. Remembering Kari's words.
Dead or alive. Not just dead.
"Why...Why can't we let them live? Why can't we just leave?"
Your superior looked at you like you just grew two heads. Her surprise was replaced by a scowl.
"Because Reik said so. You know better than anyone else we can't hesitate. We have to finish the job we were given."
She moved towards your captive, pressing her shoe against her face.
"No don't-!"
'SMASH!'
A harsh stomp combined with a booming crunch as blood poured from what once was that woman's head.
"You've become soft, Y/n."
But all you could focus on was the blood pooling under that woman. She didn't deserve this. You could have saved her. You could have let her go.
The crimson liquid eventually reached you. Grazing the boots you were wearing before you stepped back. A feeling of disgust and something scared guided your actions.
Your eyes never leaving the body. Then all at once you felt vile start to rise in your throat. You quickly turned away and started heaving over a bush.
Shaking with tears brimming at the corners of your eyes. An innocent person's blood on your shoe. Dirtied and tainted.
You were tainted.
The woman watching you only scoffed. You were acting like a toddler in the middle of a mission.
You felt a hand reach out for you and shrugged it off.
"Don't touch me!"
You backed away and were met with a very concerned gaze.
"Woah, gap-tooth. Are you okay?"
It might've been the only time Deshin showed actual concern for you. But that was because you've never acted like this before. You weren't fazed by the sight of blood. Or at least you hadn't been.
You were supposed to be one of the greats, just like him. But right now, you were weak.
"I-I need to go. Right now."
You made a move to leave, but were stopped by a firm grip on your wrist.
"Is this about the fight with Kari? She told me you two got upset with each other. Maybe you just need a break. You're probably just stressed."
This was not stress.
This was a horrific revelation.
"Please, not right now." You were about five seconds away from crying. And then your reputation would be ruined. If it wasn't already.
You'd already been disgraced in front of your peers.
"Then let me walk you back. You're not in your right mind to go by yourself." Deshin could be just as persistent as you.
And this time, you appreciated it.
You gave a nod before scampering away. Going as fast as you could through the trees. Deshin was hot on your trail. Helping you when you would mistep.
You made it back to your home by daybreak. This time, jumping up to your window instead of going through the inside.
You didn't want to deal with anyone else right now.
You fell into your room, collapsing on the floor. Finally in the comfort of solitude, you broke down. Skittering towards a wall and throwing off your boots.
They were tainted.
"Dirty. I'm dirty. I'm gross! I'm gross I'm gross!"
You were sobbing openly now as you hugged your knees to your chest.
"Dirty Dirty Dirty!"
You were unaware of your surroundings at the moment. Not noticing worried honey colored eyes watching your breakdown.
She may have been mad at you, but she'd never seen you cry before. She'd never seen you this broken before.
What did they do to you?
What did they say?
She took small steps towards you. Inching closer and closer until she could reach out and touch you.
You let out a scream feeling arms wrap around you.
"NO! DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T!"
But the hug was tight. A head rested on top of yours despite the struggling.
"Shhh. It's okay. I'm here, Y/n. You're here with me." Kari tried to soothe.
You froze up at the sound of her voice. The feeling of her folding your fingers over and over again to sign out 'safe', helped calm you.
You sniffled as she continued to hold you.
"You were right. We don't have a choice. I tried. I really did, but they just killed her. Ari made me watch. I-I-I felt the blood under my shoe. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
She didn't like the way you cried harder. She didn't like how she was right. She hoped deep down that she was wrong. That maybe she was just jealous about the attention you gave Reik.
She wished that was the case.
If it were, then she wouldn't have to watch her big sibling break right in front of her.
"I'm sorry, for saying that I hated you. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to get mad at you. Maybe if I hadn't, you'd be okay."
You shook your head against her.
"Not your fault."
Then your next words came as a shock to her.
"We have to get out of here. I don't want to be apart of this anymore. That lady, she wanted to help me, and I got her killed. I don't wanna do it anymore. I don't want to hurt people anymore."
You wanted to leave.
And so did she.
But it was practically unheard of to leave the clan unless it was for business. Could the two of you really do it?
"Hey, Y/n?"
You clutched her tighter in response.
"Promise me. You have to promise me you won't listen to them anymore. Not to any of the superiors and not to Reik. Okay?"
Her pinkie intertwined with yours.
"I promise." You whispered.
"Now can we do one more? A real promise this time."
She summoned her faint nen into her palm. You couldn't do anything but follow suit. Still in a daze from what happened.
"Let's promise that neither of us will ever fight or kill another human being again."
You nodded. Pulling back to look her in the eye. Taking a breath before starting the chant.
"On this day I do declare, it's on my nen that I swear."
A burning sensation tingled on your wrist. By the uncomfy look on Kari's face, she felt it as well.
You two would find a way out of here.
Without hurting anyone else.
🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️
Week three, and Gon was already on his way to fight Knuckle. Killua had stayed behind to have a talk with Bisky.
Lucky, she was probably gonna give him some secret pointers.
Nevertheless, he approached the usual spot. A small huddle of dogs surrounded the Beast Hunter. You would have definitely liked Knuckle. You probably would have argued with him first, but you would've come around.
Just like with Kite.
He hoped the both of you were still okay.
"You ready, kid?" Knuckle taunted as he stood up. The dogs around him whining at his lack of attention.
"You bet! Today for sure, I just know it!" Gon did in fact not know it. But he was hopeful he was getting better.
Then the thundering started.
And the rain once again followed suit.
It'd been doing that a lot lately. Maybe it was the universe playing a cruel trick. Whatever the reason for the murky weather, it didn't matter.
He lost all his fire anyway. Shoulders dropping and expression glum.
"Geez, you look like somebody just died. Are you sure you're good to fight? Not that I care or anything, punk!" Knuckle tried and failed to hide his concern.
It didn't hurt to give him an honest answer.
"I'm sorry Mr. Knuckle, but it looks like our fight's canceled."
"You scared of the rain or something?"
"No, nothing like that. It's just…the rain reminds me of my big sibling. You see, right now they're waiting in the NGL for me and Killua. They left to train, same as us. And neither of us can focus now when it rains. We just start thinking about them and if they're okay. If they've found our other friend there.
We just miss them. I really miss them. So I hope you don't mind that I can't fight you now. I really don't mean you any disrespect." Gon looked at Knuckle expecting to see him angry.
Instead, he was sniffling and wiping his eyes. When he noticed Gon's staring, he gave a halfhearted glare.
"I'm not crying, so don't you go telling people I am! I just have something in my eye! Now go on home and get a good night's rest! I better not see you out here when it rains ever again! You'll *sniff* catch a cold!"
Gon held back a laugh as he walked away.
"Okay! I won't! Thank you Mr. Knuckle!"
🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️
You couldn't find any information on people who'd left the clan. Not even an old excerpt. Like the thought never occurred to anyone. As if it never happened.
Soooo, you resorted to just asking around. Your first attempt was old Mr. Beuru.
"Hey, dinosaur. I've got a question for you."
He swatted at you with an old dusty news paper.
"Yeah, well spit it out, demon. I open in ten minutes."
"What happens to people who leave the clan?"
He froze. All the color draining from his face. For a brief moment, you thought he was having a heart attack. You could feel uncertainty start to rise within his aura. You couldn't help but notice the worry there as well.
"Get out of my store." It sounded cold, but his being was regretful. Like he didn't want to be doing this.
"It's just a question. It's not like-"
"Get out and stay out. Don't ever come back here. I mean it, Y/n."
He'd never used your name before. Not unless he was serious.
It stung.
"Geez, fine. Not like an old man like you would know anyways." You left disheartened.
He wasn't joking. He didn't want you to come back.
And as he watched you leave, he sunk into himself.
"I really wish I could help ya, kid. But it's best if we both forget you asked that. I'm already at risk by not reporting that in, and who knows how many you've already asked. I have to look after my own.
May Reik have mercy on your soul."
The next few people you asked had similar reactions. All going deadly silent before turning you away. It must've been a taboo subject.
You decided there was one more person you'd question: Shura. One of the nicest people you've ever met. You knew she'd help for sure.
You followed the sound of light piano strokes. A feathery voice accompanying it.
"He’d take a very nice lady and talk her down small, till she fits in the palm of his hand.
Keeps his love on the shelf, only thinks about himself.
And that’s a cold-hearted man~"
You wasted no time shoving yourself to the front. Elbowing anyone who got in your way.
She stopped playing just in time to see you.
"Ms. Shura! I've got something to ask you! But in private tho because people keep acting weird!"
She laughed at your remark. Giving a playful roll of her eyes before addressing you.
"Only you, Y/n. Please make it quick. You know how restless everyone gets. You included." She got up and followed you a little ways away from the small crowd.
"Now, tell me what's on your mind."
"I already asked your dad if he knew, but he was just a grouch about it. And so are a lot of the people I've asked. I know you won't be though. Okay here goes.
What happens if someone leaves the clan?"
And like clockwork, she paled. Looking at you with panic.
"I can't-I'm not sure-" she stuttered for a response.
"Oh honey, just what have you gotten yourself into to. How many people have you asked?"
"Dunno. Like ten."
She took a shakey sigh. Grief radiating off of her.
"... Those who leave the clan are thought of as traitors. And because they hold our secrets, they have to be...."
There was so much sadness in her eyes. All of it directed towards you.
"They're dealt with the way we deal with targets. And talks about leaving are treated like treason. The punishment is the same.....I-oh, Y/n. You can't stop by here anymore."
You were once again being pushed away. And this time you wanted to know why.
"Why? Is there some penalty for talking to me now?"
"Sweety, I've already said too much. You have to go home right now. Please, it's for your own good."
That caught your attention. Were you putting her at risk by talking about it? What did she mean by for your own good? You didn't get the chance to ask as she quickly backed away.
Leaving you standing confused.
You reported it all back to Kari, who had just about as much luck as you. With no other conclusion other than the both of you would die if you were caught, it was time to devise a plan.
You waited two weeks. Learning the paths each individual would take during both the day and night. Who would come and go.
With the recent change and in weather, you decided a rainy night would be the best chance. Nobody would be out. And if they were, you'd be able to handle them.
"Hey, Y/n. When we get out, you promise we'll stay together?"
You gave a wide smile at her question.
"Forever and beyond. But we gotta have some basic goals, don't you think? Let's have a big house!"
"And a dog! I want a puppy." She added.
You nodded excitedly.
"Ooh! I've got a great one! Let's go to one of those amusement parks! I wanna ride the big circle! I heard you can see everything from the top."
"I think they call that one a Ferris wheel. But yeah! Anything else?"
"Not that I can think of. But I have a feeling we'll come up with more."
It was one of the last interactions you ever had with her. One last bit of peace before everything went wrong.
You waited for the thundering sound of rain. Cracking open your window when it was in full force. You jumped down, bracing your legs against the force.
'Now you.'
You made exaggerated signs so she'd be able to see.
Kari gave a brief nod and jumped. You caught her with ease. Setting her down and making sure to have a firm grip on her hand.
"We walk. They might suspect something if we run." You whispered before leading her forwards.
You two moved in silence. The rain masking any potential audible steps. So far so good. You were about halfway through the village.
You were really gonna do it.
You were really gonna leave.
You could feel your heart beating in your chest. Both out of nerves and excitement.
"It's about time. We were starting to wonder when you'd try to leave."
The both of you froze. Angry and disappointed auras surrounded the two of you.
You shouldn't have asked around.
You shouldn't have tried to get information.
You really should have took Beuru's reaction as a sign.
Maybe then you wouldn't be here so afraid. So terrified of dying.
But you had a responsibility. You had something to protect right now. As long as she got out safe, you'd accept whatever happened to you.
You could feel her fear. See her shaking.
"Well, what'll it be children? A swift death or will you run?" A man questioned.
You tensed up and prepared to make your move.
'Guard up.' You quickly signed.
You felt Kari engulf her body in her aura, then released your own. Pouring all your ill intentions to make it stronger.
The feeling of it caught the people in front of you off guard. Some falling down from the force.
You took that as your opportunity to run. Using all your nen into your legs and pushing them the fastest they would go.
You could sense others falling in pursuit. Barley dodging any projectiles sent your way. You prided yourself on your speed.
It was good to know that all your training had paid off. You'd urged Kari in front of you. Making sure she was ahead of everyone.
A bullet whizzed by your check.
Not good.
"Keep running! Look at me! Look at me!" You ordered. Her frantic eyes meeting yours.
"Don't stop! Not even for a second because if you do, we're dead! I'll be right behind you, Kari!"
With that you turned on the heel of your shoe. Coming face to face with a very familiar person.
"I knew something was up with you, but I never would of guessed this." Deshin sighed out.
"Maybe if you tell Father what happened, he'll spare you. Both of you. I don't want to fight you"
You took a step back from him.
Was this what you sounded like to Kari?
Oblivious to anything not under Reik's eye?
Taking his word as absolute.
"Then don't fight me. Just back off and let us go."
He flashed you a hurt look before you lunged forward. You just couldn't risk it. Not when the two of you were this close.
Your first made contact with his stomach. The attack surprising him. Not ready to block it off with his nen.
You raced after Kari as he crumpled to the floor.
"I'm sorry."
You practically leapt over the gate, following after the faint trail of Kari's aura. Your hopeful look replaced by sheer terror when you reached her.
Reik had his hand around her neck, dangling her off the floor. He met your terrified look with one of disappointment.
"Naughty children, dealing with the consequences of their actions. Look at you? Are you frightened?"
You started trembling at the intensity from his aura. So malicious and cruel. So cold and unforgiving. You wouldn't feel another one like it until 13 years later.
Your eyes unable to look away from the sight. Kari watched with panic as you took a step backwards. Then three.
"Y/N!!! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!! YOU PROMISED!!!!" She struggled against the tight grip around her neck. Hopelessly kicking her legs in an attempt to get free.
Reik observed your cowardly actions with disapproval.
"Fine then, be a coward. Flee if you're so desperate to 'live.' Run if you're going to run. Use those eyes of yours to forever watch over your shoulder. But no matter how fast you are or how far you go, we will always be able to find you. Whether it be a whisper of your name or a spark of your aura, your fate is sealed."
A sickening 'snap' reverberated throughout the forest.
You didn't even get the chance to see her body hit the floor. Already fleeing as fast as you could. Pushing your legs the fastest they would go and then some.
You didn't stop for a whole day. Collapsing on the ground when you felt like you were far enough. You stayed on the floor unmoving.
Most likely you were going into shock.
You made no move to get up, even as you were shivering from the cold. Your clothes completely soaked through.
You laid there cold and now hungry.
But you didn't move, not an inch….
Because you deserved to suffer for her death.
You knew you were in the alleyway of some city, but that was all. You knew nothing aside from that. Your mind unable to process everything that just happened.
The first few days ended up with you reaching for Kari, only to find out she wasn't there.
It took you about a month to come to terms with your current situation. And when you did, you cried. You sobbed until your eyes and throat hurt. She was gone. She was gone and you couldn't even have a proper burial for her.
You were free, but at what costs?
🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘
The first year you tried to make an honest living. Asking around if anybody had food or water to spare.
You learned very quick the world wasn't too kind to street rats.
If you weren't ignored, you were yelled at for bothering them.
It got to the point where you were so hungry, you stole an old loaf of bread from a dumpster. The owner of the establishment catching you in the act.
He chased you down, along with some other men. And due to your malnourishment, you didn't have to strength to outrun them.
Instead, curling into a ball as you tripped. Clinging onto to only food you would have in days.
Pain.
Excruciating pain.
Your first response when they started kicking you was to get up and fight back. But as you sat up and caught one of their legs, your wrist started burning.
Your promise to Kari.
You wouldn't have minded breaking it. You had no use for nen now that you'd been exiled from your clan.
But it was the only thing you had left of her.
So you endured it.
You let them beat you down until they got tired and left. Your bread smashed flat.
You weren't even hungry anymore.
🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘
By your fifth year running from city to city, you gave up on trying to survive honestly. What was the point of being a good person anymore? You already had blood on your hands.
You used your speed to your advantage, stealing the money from wallets and purses in order to feed yourself. Using whatever was left over to buy yourself cheap clothes.
Occasionally you'd steal those too.
You weren't living anymore.
You were surviving.
You had nothing except your life and the promise attached to it.
🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘
About ten years in, you stole something that would become your golden goose. An old game cartridge with a ring. The name of it: Greed Island.
You remembered hearing about this. Some hunter dude made it. And from what you recalled, it was a very rare game. Going for billions at auction houses.
But you stopped caring about money years ago. No, what you were interested in was what the game did.
It teleported people inside.
Away from the real world.
You'd finally be able to stop looking over your shoulders. You wouldn't have to worry about maintaining your zetsu.
So you went to one of those bidder places and promised you'd beat the game. Choosing whatever three cards they wanted if you were able to play.
The idiot, of course agreed.
And you'd spent two years there. Isolated because it was better that way. Card raiders showing up every now and then. But you showed them why it would be wise to stay away from you.
Terrifying them to the point they avoided your little territory. And you were content to live that way. Content to spend the rest of your days there.
Until the boys showed up.
And now you were here.
🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘
You just couldn't do it. You couldn't kill these things without triggering your hemophobia. And if you couldn't work past that, then all the time spent here was a waste. You were useless if you couldn't even stand the feeling of a drop of blood on you.
You knew there would be much more when it came time to face the queen and her guards.
Damnit.
If only there was a way for you to fight from a sizeable distance. One that wouldn't risk anything touching you. One that wouldn't exactly count as you fighting.
A weapon was out of the question. Not unless you could use a bow and arrow. And even then, you had precise calculations, aim not so much.
You weren't exactly a manipulator and trying this late in the game would be futile.
Maybe you could conjure something?
You were good at visualization. You were sure of that, even if you were a little rusty. So what then?
What would you conjure?
"Hey, Y/n! Guess what I found for us!" Kari shouted. You'd closed your ears from the noise, but were more than happy to go along.
"What'd you find?"
She lifted up the floorboard and revealed two small marionettes. A rusty clown puppet and a burnt ballerina.
"Get that out of the room right now. There's a 95% chance they're possessed." You lectured, not even bothering to touch them.
"They only look like that because I found them in a burt down farmhouse. It gives them personality. Please, can we keep them? We've never been allowed to have real toys. Please?"
And as always you were a sucker for her.
"Fine. Which one's mine and which one's yours?"
"You can have the ballerina: Shika. And I'll keep Henry."
"You give out the most horrendous names, I swear. But thank you for finding these for us."
Yeah.
Henry and Shika.
Puppets with strings.
They could be operated at a distance. And you had seen them plenty that conjuring would be a breeze. The only catch though…
Could you make them physical before time ran out?
You didn't get a chance to try it out before you were surrounded by ants. Probably a squadron if you had to guess.
"The line. Don't cross it." You warned once again.
But did they listen?
They never did.
You got up to one again use your Caster's Net. However, things just wouldn't go your way today. A fog rolled in. No, not a fog.
Smoke.
So thick you couldn't see through it. And neither could the ants judging by their confused sounds. You quickly focused your eyes to find their auras, not wanting to be ambushed.
Yet the second you did, a portal opened up under you. You fell to the ground of a small room along with the ants.
The light in there was blinding. Like a hospital room. Then you heard a voice. A familiar voice you hadn't heard in years.
"Alright, let's see if any of you prove to be a good warm up."
That old geezer.
Of course the association sent him in.
Why wouldn't they?
You didn't have anytime to control your aura before it erupted. An anger so thick, it was suffocating. The ants near you collapsing on the ground as you made your way to the front.
Netero's eyes went wide when he realized that aura was coming from you.
"So you made it after all. I thought for sure you would have stayed with those boys."
"Cut the shit. Let me out of whatever this is and I'll have the pleasure of never seeing you again." You knew you were probably being too mean. But damnit, he sanctioned and allowed the things Reik did.
Were you not supposed to be upset with that?!?
"Still rude, I see."
Your aura only intensified at the remark. You took a deep breath before calming down. You were being an idiot. Overreacting after finally letting your memories resurface.
Holding a grudge against Netero but not against the man who killed your sister?
Pathetic.
You needed to ne smart about this. Not become overwhelmed by your grief and frustration.
"Just get me out of here. I don't have the time to be upset right now. I have to be training."
At this, the old man quirked a brow.
"Training? These ants must be tougher than I thought."
"It's not the regular ants I'm worried about. It's that damn furry." You mumbled. You'd get that cat bitch back if it was one of the last things you did.
"Hey, old man? Let me ask you something. Why do you continue to associate with that man? You know what he's done. What he's still doing. Why are you still friends with him?" You wanted to know. To have bit of closure on that chapter of your life.
You figured if they hadn't come for you now, then you truly were free to live. That didn't mean you wouldn't be careful still.
"It is not my decision to associate with your-with Reik." He corrected before continuing.
"It's the Hunter's Association. I have no control over what they rule in favor of. But I suppose no one ever told you that. Not at your young age."
"I was seven. And now I don't care enough about hunters to ask around. I just wanted a straight answer, and now that I have it, get me out of here." You sounded drained.
By the dark circles under your eyes, you looked drained too.
"Very well then. I wish you luck out there."
"Suck an egg old geezer."
You remembered meeting the old man when you were younger. Reik introduced you as a prodigy, like he always did. Based on that, Netero challenged you to a game.
One he would have later challenged your two boys.
If you could take the ball from him, he would make you an honorary hunter. And back then that'd been your purpose. Your one goal.
So you played along. Almost swiping away the ball several times before giving up. You'd liked him back then.
But your perspective of all hunters had been soured since then. You didn't want anything to do with them.
And it would have stayed that way had you not met Gon and Killua. They'd shown you once again that hunters weren't all that bad.
That it was just some people who could be terrible. It didn't matter what they were. You'd changed a lot since you were a kid.
But now, you were starting to become the person you were.
The one who loved to be around their peers.
The one who loved to joke around and laugh with their loved ones.
The one who loved living instead of being forced to survive.
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Fun Fact #15: Y/n isn't a fan of sour foods. 'Why is it spicy' reaction
MASTERLIST
Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekataylorgriggs
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An: Sorry it took so long! We should be getting the alternate chapter for decisions in a few days. Maybe two??? Also for chapter fifteen, I present you with a choice 😏
#hxh#hunter x hunter#hxh x reader#hunter x hunter x reader#hxh x y/n#hunter x hunter x y/n#gon x reader#killua x reader#mayhaps a kite x reader???#big sib reader#older reader#found family#x reader#platonic
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Since the Oda and Adam duo post seems to have gone over well here are a couple other duos with potential that get rotated around in my brain after midnight:
Akutagawa and Aya - I've posted about this before. Continues the trend of unwilling and tired young adult begrudgingly looking out for a loud child who consistently runs headfirst into trouble. Bonus if he becomes so done with the situation that he just wraps her up in Rashoumon and carries her like that while Aya screams in outrage. (Bonus bonus: I think they could bond over the respective treatment they have endured at the hands of those who should've been proud of them.)
Lucy and Kyouka - No one thinks they'll get along and it looks like maybe they don't...? The energy is really awkward? But they still choose to spend time together? Actually, they like each other, and any awkwardness or harsh comments are only out of blunt factual observation (Kyouka) or obliviousness (Lucy). One day, they show up to work with matching accessories in their hair. (Also I think they'd be a great balancing act, personality wise. Lucy's very imaginative and Kyouka's quite grounded but both could really help each other regain some of their lost childhoods in that Lucy has lots of cool ideas she never got to do and Kyouka is bold enough to get both of them to try.)
Kyouka and Dazai - ENTIRELY self-indulgent. I want them to get into mischief together. I want Kyouka to show Dazai pictures of all the bunnies she pet. I want Dazai to encourage her into believing she can be good and supporting her no killing philosophy (with a sharp pang in his chest every time he sees her dedication and the serious look in her eyes) but then like. Show her how to commit minor crimes with no trace. He decides one day to take her to a festival and guilt trips Kunikida into letting them both go and Kunikida is forced to relent because aw, that's really sweet and then he turns around and his wallet is gone.
Fukuzawa and young Yosano - It's sad time. I really want to know how she adjusted. And yes, I like the idea of seeing how she was with Ranpo too but I really want to see her with Fukuzawa. He must've shown her the ropes. Helped her get her degree? Made her feel comfortable again and confident that she could heal and not just wound? It's just interesting to me because it would have to be a completely different approach to the one he took with Ranpo and he's not exactly a natural at parenting, much as he tries. I think there's nothing sweeter and more tragic than this man, a master swordsman and former assassin, who has decided fairly recently to open his heart to others, looking at this small, damaged child and thinking "I don't know how to help you." And then helping her anyways. As best he can.
Kunikida and Higuchi - The true "I am so exasperated with everyone in my workplace" duo. An omake introduced the concept that they vent to each other online and I think that's hilarious. They find out each other's real identities and panic for a moment and get hostile and then remember that this is the only other reasonably sane person they have spoken to in months and go get coffee and complain about their jobs.
Teruko and Atsushi - Okay, this one is actually possible. Not much to it other than I think they'd work really well together. They'd kick ass. They could kick my ass. I'd thank them for it. (Actually it's also got something to do with Teruko seeming jaded and older and Atsushi being the offset in that he's younger and naive but also something something she couldn't torture him because he went to go check on a child and something something they both made bodily sacrifices - Atsushi's many injuries and Teruko's surgical modifications - and repeatedly get hurt using their power to protect civilians... I want to know where her character is going because I don't think she's convinced by the DoA's mission and I think a part of her still wants justice... remains to be seen I guess.)
#ahgvjdfn this got long#feel free to comment any duos you think would be fun i love seeing others' ideas 👀#bsd#bsd akutagawa#bsd aya#bsd kyouka#bsd lucy#bsd dazai#bsd kunikida#bsd fukuzawa#bsd yosano#bsd higuchi#bsd teruko#bsd atsushi#storyrambles
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mission accomplished [ scaramouche x reader ]
twelve | trial day
prev masterlist next
in a blink of an eye, a month has passed, and the day you've been quailing from finally comes. question is, have you even prepared for this moment?
warnings: swearing, overthinking, mentions and appearance of the fatui harbingers (dottore, arlecchino, childe and pierro), kaeya is hinted as pierro's son (not canon) (y/n shoots a shot lmao), comfort
a/n: woohoo i feel pretty good about this chapter!!! this one is pretty longer than the other ones so i hope everyone enjoys reading it lol i had a lot of fun writing this, happy reading!
grammatical errors may occur so please let me know if i've made any mistakes!
you woke up the next morning alone on the couch, with a blanket half draped over your body.
scanning through the room with tired eyes, you realised that, scaramouche, wasn't here. you stood up from the couch, checking the hallway and his room to see if he was there, but he wasn't.
he's probably on an errand or something, you thought to yourself.
the only thing scaramouche left behind before he went out was a small sticky note on the coffee table, saying that he'd be out for a quick run.
well, you guessed it'd be nice to take a nice shower before you start your day.
on another note, maybe you should've just continued sleeping on the couch.
“the court declined your proposal.” a gruff voice said on your laptop screen.
you sighed upon hearing that the court have refused your proposal to push back the date for a trial you're involved in, once again. “please check it thoroughly again, lieutenant. who knows you've read it wrong.” you pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration.
the man in the screen deadpanned. “i'm not that old, y/n. i still have pretty good eyesight.” he huffed. “you can check it yourself.” he said, sharing his screen to show the response from the court.
you took a moment to read through the letter shown on your laptop screen, and as soon as you saw the word ‘unfortunately’, you stopped and groaned in defeat, leaning back to your bed frame.
“can you believe this? i– i'm literally stuck being undercover here! how in the world am i supposed to get to court for this... this stupid trial!” you exclaimed frustratedly, eyes twitching at the thought of having to leave from undercover for the whole day. it'll be worse if the trial keeps getting dragged on, you'll quite literally die.
“is... there any other way we could ditch this or something, pierro? i can't just leave from being undercover!” you looked back at your screen. “and scaramouche is a witness for me, he'd have no choice but to follow me for that trial.”
pierro sighed on the other line. “sorry y/n, there's nothing we can do about this. i'm sure this is very hard for you, since it's of late notice.” he paused, looking at your complexed expression.
“we'll try our best to fill in for you and scaramouche when you two are away for the trial. i could send out childe or arlecchino to be on campus for awhile, just to look out in case anything happens.” pierro said, writing down some notes on a paper.
the usual busy background of the precint behind him surely never gets old. the people walking back to back, the holding cell full of suspects, and whatnot. it's been a long time since you last went undercover, so looking at your co-workers doing their normal routine at the prestigious precint you truly love makes you feel a tad bit homesick.
“...fine.” you replied after a short while.
“is scaramouche there with you?”
you scratched your head in response. “um... he went out for a run, i think he'll be back soon–” your sentence was interrupted when the sound of a door being opened and closed was heard, footsteps slowly becoming louder and clearer by the second.
“nevermind, he just got back. you want me to get him?”
a nod from lieutenant pierro was all it took for you to shout scaramouche's name, surprisingly it took less than a second for him to rush and barged in to your room.
“what? did something happen?” he asked through heavy breaths. he was clad in a tank top and a pair of joggers, glistening with sweat.
you raised a brow. “nothing happened. lieutenant just wants to speak with you.” you said, moving your laptop to his direction for him to see that you were currently on a call with the bearded man.
he sighed. stepping closer to your bed, he sat at the edge of it, making you grimace.
“ew, what the hell! get your sweaty ass off my clean bed, you jerk!” you yelled at the ravenette while bringing up a hand to push him off, though you instantly regretted it the moment you got in contact with his bare shoulder that was full off sweat.
you yelped, quickly wiping off his disgusting sweat from your hand on his dry joggers. he swatted your hand away and sent a death glare, gritting his teeth.
“i'm barely on your bed, idiot! and i'm not that disgusting, it's just sweat!” he retorted, making you roll your eyes.
you crossed your arms and looked away from him. “it's your sweat.” you pressed. “anything about you is revolting.”
“and yet you slept on me last night.”
your eyes widened at his sentence. “wha–”
pierro cleared his throat on the other line, making the both of you turn your heads towards the laptop screen. “good, you two didn't forget me. anyway, as i was saying...” he trailed off, glancing at the notes he's written. “the trial's gonna be next month, i'll let you know a few days prior so that you two can be prepared.” he said, looking back at you and the ravenette.
“i do not condone on making you skip your undercover duties, but i think we can have it covered. i'll have to send some of these guys here to fill in for you two for the time being.” he continued, while you and scaramouche listened to him intently.
“we're driving there ourselves?” you asked the white-haired man in the screen.
he was typing something on his keyboard before responding. “you can drive halfway there, we'll meet up somewhere and pick you two up. i don't want to risk people finding out where you're off to, and i want you to not let anyone follow your car, got it?”
scaramouche nodded. “copy that.”
“...okay then, that's all i have to say. any of you got any questions?”
you slightly raised your hand, in which made the ravenette next to you scoff, mumbling about how you're acting like a high school student, but you paid no mind.
“yes, detective, what is it?” he asked, urging you to continue.
you lit up at his reply, making you the more confident to ask your next question. “is kaeya still–”
“nope.” he said flatly with no expression on his face.
you grumbled. “worth a shot.”
and next thing you know, it was already the next month.
you spent the last 4 weeks doing nothing but being miserable, dreading on the trial date you've been trying to avoid all these months. it really surprises you how time flies so fast, and how it's already been 3 months since you started going undercover.
maybe it is true when people say that days pass on more quickly whenever you wish for it to be slower.
the clear afternoon sky definitely does not make up for the blues you've got right now. the breezy wind blows through the colourful trees as you got ready for the trial.
you looked at yourself dressed in formal attire through the mirror in your room, fixing up small details to make your outfit look as neat as possible.
sighing, you went back to pacing around the exceptionally small room, biting your thumb nail anxiously. your thoughts start getting bundled up the more you think about the trial.
isn't this too fast?
what if he's not guilty?
are you even mentally prepared for this?
what happens when the judge doesn't press charges?
what will you do when the man who almost took your dear life walks out free?
the voices in your head get louder. if's turning into when's, questions getting longer and longer by the minute, it's fucking you all up. it's wrecking your mind into small pieces that you can't even help to fix back. the voices become clearer, repeating dreadful questions every second.
are you ready for this?
how will you do?
what if you mess up?
why do the worst things always happen to you?
the sound of a knock brought you back to reality.
“y/n? you ready yet?” scaramouche asked from the other side of the door.
you stopped pacing around. “oh, uh... i'll be there in a sec.” you muttered, not even knowing if scaramouche heard you or not.
are you ready?
the same question repeated in your mind.
yeah.
maybe you're not.
“took you long enough.” scaramouche said, leaning on the wall in front of your door with his arms crossed.
you closed the door behind you. “it hasn't even been a minute.” you rolled your eyes despite scaramouche not being able to see as you had your back to him. turning around, your eyes immediately landed on his indigo ones that were already staring at you the moment you got out.
you took a quick scan of his attire. dressed in a simple black suit, blazer unbuttoned and necktie slightly loose, he stood before you. he isn't even dressed well, you thought. letting out a sigh, you walked over to scaramouche.
hands landing on his collar and necktie, you helped him fix his tie. “you can't even be bothered to fix yourself up properly, can you?” you chastised, loosening up the tie a bit before pulling it down again to tighten it.
he was pulled forward in response to you pulling his tie, making him breaths away from you. surprisingly you didn't notice, considering how you paid no mind and continued your ministrations, now fixing up his crooked collar.
his breath hitched the second you stepped towards him, and for a moment he couldn't quite remember how to breathe. the faint smell of your perfume filled his nostrils due to the proximity you two were currently in. his hands were hovering over your hips, too frozen up to even move.
buttoning up his blazer, you fixed his attire for one last time before you retracted your hands, looking up at him with a small smile. “there we go.” you said, patting up his shoulder.
you stepped back and exited the hallway, calling out for him to follow suit, not even minding how you've quite literally took his breath away.
one of his hands hovered over his mouth in disbelief, the colour red slowly creeping up his ears from being flustered.
what is this feeling?
the drive to the agreed location was fairly quiet, you and scaramouche just sat in silence. the radio to his car wasn't even on. you were scrolling through your phone in boredom while the ravenette was focusing on the road.
before completely heading off, you two have made sure to check whether anyone was following by looking if there were any cars behind you at every turn scaramouche made. luckily, there weren't any, and the road wasn't busy like always.
childe and arlecchino were assigned to take care of things at campus while the both of you were gone. you've known them long enough to know that they're great detectives and that they'd do a good job at taking care of your work, after all pierro was the one who assigned them, you surely have no doubts.
right?
“we're here.” scaramouche said, pulling up at... wait, what?
“...dottore's house? why is this our agreed location?” you asked dumbly, looking at the doctor's house from the driveway you were parked at.
you didn't know where you were headed to, since pierro only sent the location to scaramouche as he was the one driving. you only realised it was dottore's house when you caught glimpse of the dark turquoise roof of the house, his signature colour outstanding every other house in the neighborhood.
dottore isn't a police officer like the most of you are, but he's a close acquaintance of pierro, and he's usually the one who treats everyone's wounds and injuries whenever needed, so you could say he's a friend. keyword, could.
a knock on the window to your door made you jolt, moving your gaze to person outside the car. you pushed the button on the door to roll the window down, while still continuing eye contact with the person behind the clear window.
“my favourite person in the world!” dottore exclaimed after your window was completely down, waving at you with a mischievous smile.
“ugh, great, now i have to deal with you.” you said shortly after, a deadpanned look on your face upon seeing the man before you. “why do we have to be here?”
dottore brought a hand to his chest. “you wound me, y/n. i thought you'd be more than delightful to be greeted by yours truly!” he said dramatically, a hurtful expression plastered on his face.
you turned your head to scaramouche, mouthing a 'can you believe this guy?', in which scaramouche responded with a simple shrug. you groaned, looking back at the man with light turquoise hair, sending a death glare towards him.
“come on now, i'm not the bad guy here.” he brought up his hands in defense. “pierro thought it'd be a great idea to make my place where we pick you up, looking at how i'm not exactly affiliated with the police department. people wouldn't suspect me at all.”
you grumbled. “ugh, you of all people...”
you didn't exactly dislike dottore. you just have an ounce of hatred towards him because of something he did back in the day, but you wouldn't press it now.
if you had an enemies list, he'd totally be third, scaramouche being number one on the list without a doubt. second? this one dude who kept on stealing your parking spot at the precint. he must be having the time of his life right now with you being gone.
a honk of another car made the three of you look towards the sound it came from. pierro was sitting in the passenger seat of a honda jade hybrid car beside yours with his arms crossed, a sour look on his face, probably from waiting for too long.
“well, looks like that's our sign to get going.” dottore quipped.
if you think your usual car rides with scaramouche were awkward enough, then this is way worse.
everyone in the 6-seater car was silent, not even uttering a single word. dottore was the one who was driving, and due to how he's kind of a reckless driver, pierro had personally given him a lecture on how he should be focused on the road. now he opted to just drive in silence, instead of his usual jamming-through-blasting-music self.
pierro on the other hand was sitting at the passenger seat, eyes overlooking the scenery in front of him, while occasionally glancing at the back through the rear view mirror.
the back is where it gets exceptionally awkward. you were very much shocked when you were greeted with the tsaritsa sitting in the front row seat once you got in the car, you didn't think she'd be coming along. the captain usually likes sitting alone, so you decided to just cramp at the back row with scaramouche, despite his many attempts on making you sit next to her.
the court was quite far from dottore's place, since the trial is being held to the nearest court from the prison the prime suspect was placed at. all five of you sat in silence, minding your own business, until the tsaritsa herself speaks up.
“how's the case going for you two?” she asked, not even sparing a glance to your seat.
you looked at scaramouche first to see if he wanted to answer, and of course he didn't. you rolled your eyes at him, before answering to the captain. “it's going quite alright. though it's kind of been slow these past two months, it'd be nice if we had a bit of a breakthrough.”
the tsaritsa perked her head up at this, slightly turning her head back to look at you. “oh? would you like my help on that?” she questioned, raising a brow. “i can always work on getting some connections from that campus, and maybe host something big to see if anything happens. i certainly did not win an award for being the best captain in the police department for nothing.”
scaramouche knitted his brows, scoffing at her. “you've had connections this whole time? why didn't you use that first thing before making us go undercover?”
she brought up a hand to cover her mouth in embarrassment. “oh dear, i must have forgotten... my apologies.” she simply said, but from the tone of her voice, it was clear that she did not sound sorry in the slightest.
the rest of the car ride was silent once again.
while everyone else were doing their own thing, you were busy being bundled up with the emotions that's been crashing down on you since this morning. the unforgettable thoughts and thousands of imaginable scenarios keep lingering your mind, despite trying your best to not just burst out and have a breakdown.
why you? of all people?
why do you have to go through so much?
what have you ever done?
do you deserve this?
all you've ever wished the whole time growing up was to succeed on getting the dream job you've helplessly worked hard for, but now that you did, was it really worth it?
if it wasn't for this tedious career, you wouldn't have gotten shot and broke your leg. if it wasn't for this stupid position, you wouldn't have to stay in the hospital for months just to be treated to physical therapy for half a year right after you got discharged. and if it wasn't for this shitty job, you definitely wouldn't have to face the man that has made your life miserable ever since that one night.
so you asked yourself again, was everything you've worked your whole life for even worth it?
your thoughts were interrupted when a pale hand caught yours.
looking up from your head that was hanging low, you fixate your now glossy eyes to the man beside you. instead of his usual scowl face, you were greeted with a worried look.
“y/n, you okay?” he asked, voice barely a whisper. he did not want other people in the car to turn their heads back to him if they heard him asking such a question, loud and clear.
you blinked, unknowingly letting a tear fall down your cheek. he quickly brought up his free hand to wipe it away. “are you sure you're ready for this?”
you let out an airy chuckle. “honestly...? no.” you whispered, looking down to your lap. “everything just feels so... fast, y'know?”
scaramouche hummed, caressing your palm with his thumb. “look— i've got you okay?” he reassured, tilting your chin up with his other hand to make you look at him.
“‘we can go through this together.’ ” he quoted. “that's what you've always said to me whenever i was going through hard times. i'm guessing it's my turn now to say the same to you.” scaramouche remarked, putting up a faint smile for you.
you smiled at him in return. “yeah, that's definitely something i'd say.” you replied, the lingering thoughts slowly drifting off your mind from his sappy words.
“so, what do you say? we go through this together?” he asked you softly, making you brighten up.
you grasped his hand that was holding yours. “like we always do.”
the same question comes back to you once again. but this time, it came with an answer.
is everything you've poured your whole life for worth it?
if it means that you get to meet amazing people on your daily job and doing what you love, then the answer to this is a simple yes— it definitely is.
if you wanna know what a jade hybrid looks like you can watch it here lol
the tsaritsa is the goddess of love for a reason hehe
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#h✧˖—mission accomplished#genshin impact#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche#genshin#genshin impact imagines#genshin x you#genshin impact x reader#scaramouche fluff#genshin scaramouche#genshin impact reader insert
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what are your thoughts on the hsmtmts finale? I found it to be so disappointing :/
oh, I have so many thoughts.
first, let me preface this by saying I'm both a Portwell and a Rina. I really liked Rina's dynamic in season 1 when they first introduced it and I was here for it until they threw in Portwell. And then the narrative kind of told me Gina isn't Ricky's number one choice/priority but she is EJ's number one priority, andshe wasn't even a choice to him! She was the only person he was even thinking about at the point. I ate that shit up. They were so cute together and their relationship was built on such a great friendship. But I did also like seeing Ricky pining over Gina and realizing his feelings for her...I just hated that they couldn't just let him wrestle with his feelings for a while, he had to put EJ and Gina's relationship down (and he was kinda weird/rude to EJ at times in order to push the narrative of Rina...idk some quiet, semi-secret pining would've been nice to see). also just in case it isn't already clear...I am an EJ girl first and foremost. Idk why but I just liked him so much from the start of the 1st season for some reason. I also adore Ricky, but he drives me crazy sometimes tbh.
in no particular order, here are my thoughts on the finale:
I'm still in shock that Ricky said "I haven't read the full script yet" on the day of opening night of the show. was that supposed to be funny? cute or something? Why was Gina not mad at all about that? It's also kinda hypocritical of Ricky bc he was telling Jet at the beginning that he needed to practice his lines and show up and be a good Hans for Gina since it's her first lead role and I'm supposed to believe the same Ricky (who is apparently in love with Gina) didn't take the time to read the whole script and at least learn the name of the kingdom for her? Did he never run lines with her or anyone for that matter, have a conversation with anyone about the show, or even show up at rehearsals? I mean I'm pretty sure they would've said Arendelle plenty of times during rehearsals, so I feel like he should've known that.I know it was a small scene but seriously? Is this supposed to make me like Ricky? The narrative is confusing me.
I am so happy Miss Jenn was there! The kids needed her support and it just wouldn't be a finale opening night without her there. I kinda wish Mr Mazzara had shown up too but it's fine, I'm not gonna die on that hill. I thought Miss Jenn would talk to EJ, give him advice and stuff and then tell him what a good job he did at the end but unless I'm crazy or accidentally missed something...she didn't really do that. she was too focused on Nini and forgot about her tallest child
I thought it was a really nice send off for Nini, and I liked that she brought the lottery ticket for Ricky, it was a sweet little reminder of their friendship and how they've grown up together and of their relationship, and it also showed that they've let each other go. Although Ricky did look kinda shook when he heard Nini was there and was really upset over the idea that he didn't get a card from her...but I guess it might've been more bc of their friendship than the romance part. It did make me stop to wonder though, is he truly 100% over her (which I had been certain he was until that moment)
not gonna lie, I'm kind of sad that we didn't get to see any of Jet as Hans. I was actually kind of excited to see that and idk why, so I felt a little let down by that. I mean, we got to see Kourtney's Let It Go moment (which I loved and she sounded so good) and Carlos singing In Summer, which Frankie Rodriguez absolutely nailed and I loved it. But it would've been really interesting to include the Hans/Anna "if only there was somebody who loved you" scene.
loved the conversation between Big Red and Ashlyn. I realized she was feeling awkward bc she was trying to figure out how to tell him about her summer of discovery but for a full minute I was really confused and thinking she was wanting to break up with him/not feeling it with him cause the dialogue was a little confusing and I was like is this for real??? But then Big Red made his little "you're the one for me" confession and they were both happy so phew not a break up. Also, I love that this storyline showed ppl the concept that you can have a crush but that doesn't mean you don't still love your SO/doesn't take away from your feelings for your SO. not sure why they seemed to forget about this as it could've applied to the Portwell/Rina triangle but okay...
I had so much hope built up for a moment where EJ would get to sing his own emotional ballad, fall apart a little and have a moment, even if it was by himself, like the other characters have gotten and I don't know why I ever thought the writers would think to do that...but yeah I kept hoping for it anyway...when he started to walk away from the group huddle right before Everyday I thought he was gonna burst into a banger of a song as he walked away and then Corbin Bleu started singing and I was like oh, okay I guess we're ignoring EJ's feelings. Also the fact that he was so done he was just going to straight up walk away and no one was like "EJ where are you going?" "come back" "we're proud of you EJ" "how about a round of applause for our director" or "EJ are you okay? you look like you're going through it"
I loved the scene where EJ called his dad, I was starting to think they were just ignoring/had forgotten about that plotline so I was glad to see it given its moment. Matt Cornett did SO good in that scene...the emotion was unmatched and I was tearing up. I liked that Val was there and he wasn't having to deal with it alone, but at the same time...where were his friends? Did none of them notice his dad wasn't there? Gina even asked him about his dad whether he was worried about that and she didn't think to check back in with him about it? Also just the fact that he basically said he only felt comfortable having Val there with him...so he had to squeeze in the phone call during the show so she could be with him and didn't feel like any of his close friends from school would provide the support he needed in that moment? Not Gina,not his so-called "brother", not his fucking actual cousin, not a single one of his best friends that he brought to camp to spend time with???? I hated that the show just...jumped over that with no moment for EJ to tell everyone how they've made him feel. He just had to sit there and put on a brave and happy face for them while he was crumbling. And then the fact that his dad straight up hung up on him??? I knew his dad was a douche canoe but damn. That was harsh. It was really nice to see that little moment between him and Val afterwards, where she just kinda held him and he cried a little. It's pretty brutal though that after that, he had to go back to the show, put his Sven costume back on, and go back on stage AND he did it all without having an emotional breakdown. I really thought he was just going to either straight up not go back to the show at that point (although it makes sense, as a final fuck you to Cash, that he went back and finished what he started extremely well and didn't let his dad see that he had really gotten to him).
Corbin Bleu saying "what team?" really made my HSM loving heart happy and 4th grade me was shaking in her boots. I also kinda love the Corbin Bleu redemption arc (even though it's clearly only bc he's going to be in s4 in a more positive capacity). Although I do find it hard to believe that Corbin kicked Channing out, and likely the entire situation was explained to Disney/the doc producers yet they still allowed Channing to edit the documentary??? Also on this topic- am I really to believe they edited, cut, and produced an entire show in 1 month???????
Kristoff Lullaby...at first I liked it, the way they began it with Ricky singing the words but EJ and Gina sharing meaningful stares from opposite sides of the stage. It started out as such a nice reminder of the very real feelings still lingering between them (despite Ricky being between them and everything that means for them), of the fact that EJ didn't want to break up, and it kind of took me back to the cute friendship they had that they built their relationship on, despite EJ obviously noticing the tension and feelings between Ricky and Gina...and then Ricky had to make eye contact with Gina at the end, and EJ's heartbroken face...he was already sad enough as it is. maybe that look was part of the show? bc in that specific scene in the musical, Kristoff (Ricky) is singing to Anna (Gina)...so maybe that was just choreography and we are all interpreting this incorrectly. I kind of wished they hadn't done that with that song...I was hoping it would be more about Gina and EJ and they would realize they need to have a convo and then talk about things, like how even though they love and care about each other very much they're better off as friends and she should've been honest with him about Ricky, just a simple "I'm really sorry for doing this to you, you don't deserve it...I've been struggling with my feelings for Ricky for a while now and I thought I was over it, I thought you were my person...but now I think you're better off without me, I'm just going to continue breaking your heart because I don't know what I want anymore and I really need to figure that out first before I involve someone else's heart" period. If I was writing this show, I would have added a moment like that for them, so that Rina getting together at the end wouldn't feel so weird and abrupt. Also bc she and EJ never actually got closure (as evidenced by what EJ said/how he reacted in that final scene).
that whole This Is Me moment was kinda weird? I would have liked it more if the entire cast was singing together but it ended up being the little girl's solo with the cast doing back up and it was sort of just a weird sequence. I'm also just salty that they gave the little girl a song and not EJ. What a huge missed opportunity bc they could've written a really amazing ballad for him about being alone (although you're surrounded by ppl/your friends) and about breaking up with Gina, feeling like a failure in your dad's eyes and never living up to anyone's expectations of you, something like "All I wanted was to be good enough for you" or "what do I have to do to be good enough for you?" or "I broke my heart and tore myself apart/trying to make you happy/I destroyed myself for you/burned my house down to keep you warm/now I'm cold and alone/is that good enough for you?" or all of the above building up to an ending of "I'll never be good enough for you/but I tried everything/yeah, I was the best man I know how to be/and that's good enough for me". A golden opportunity and potential completely wasted. I'm so mad. Also, EJ bursting into "When There Was Me And You" would have also slapped (either they should have paused the Kristoff Lullaby scene had him sing it at that point, or the final scene should have been EJ singing it . They really flushed so much potential down the toilet.
Honestly every single song from HSM2 went to waste this season, they could have thrown ALL of them in- Work This Out in the first episode when they all arrived at camp and hated how rustic it is...and can you imagine EJ and Ricky singing I Don't Dance at some point? would have been hilarious. And Gotta Go My Own Way? Would have been PERFECT. Not mention EJ singing Bet On It and getting the angry dance sequence. Soooo many wasted opportunities.
Why did EJ have to do to curtain call in the Sven costume? I thought as the director he'd get to pop after curtain call separately and get separate applause/recognition. Literally every musical and play I've ever been to has had a moment after the cast does their bows where the cast makes sure the director (and tech ppl/crew, and orchestra if there is one) get their own applause from the audience at the end...it's theater etiquette. It's just weird that that didn't happen for EJ, after the big deal they made out of him directing the show. And then literally no one told him "good job" or anything like that, never mind "I'm proud of you"...they were all focused on the actors and congratulating them...and I know they had no way to know what happened with his dad, but I just thought since they all know he's spent the last 2 weeks putting all of his time, effort, and focus into it (and they know about the letter from his dad) that they'd be like "no matter what your dad thinks, we're proud of you" (Gina should have said that!). He didn't even get flowers or any other director thank you gift...just nothing. No one was proud of EJ, no director applause moment or appreciation of any type and I just thought that was messed up. Especially because you know he was already sad knowing he had graduated and they're all going to have a year of school going on without him...and he basically got a preview at camp that they can and will go on without him without even really missing him (and Ricky essentially replaced him). He basically got told by everyone, including his own father that they don't really care about him (not literally just looking at it from his pov). It was just really sad to see and I don't even know what the point of it was? Like what is his storyline from here and what was his storyline from this season supposed to be if it lead up to THAT? He just wants to matter and be important to someone! And it probably doesn't even have to be romantic at this point!
Lastly, the final scene...I found it (and the finale in general) kind of underwhelming? The premiere red carpet thing was weird and it felt like a dream sequence or something, and then from there we jumped into them watching the premiere trailer thing which they all had to know was a load of fake bullshit. I want to know what happened in that one month bc EJ still seemed really angry and upset about Gina, and he was kind of surprised-but-not-surprised by what was revealed about R*na in the trailer. Were they trying to reconcile their friendship or something? Because the look on his face of betrayal and hurt was so sad. I wanted to like the R*na scene, I really did...but it just felt cheap and flat and didn't have the power I wanted their first kiss to have. And the speech she gave....what. the. fuck. So she's been in love with Ricky the whole time (and apparently knew it) which in itself implies she didn't really have those type of feelings for EJ, but then add to that the "you're not a maybe to me" I could not take it seriously after she said that. I think what she meant to say to EJ was "you're a maybe to me, so I'm making up excuses to break up with you". First you have the audacity to piggyback off something EJ said to confess your feelings to Ricky, and then you're gonna say that to him? Was EJ still within earshot? It just felt like Ricky and Gina were putting EJ down (and for what??? it was unnecessary). Also why did I sit through 8 episodes of Ricky freaking out about telling Gina his feelings, being scared to do it, and all the drama about that convo between him and Carlos and him dead set on telling her before the documentary aired for him to NEVER TELL HER his feelings??????
Also remember when we were all arguing about whether it was okay for Ricky to *fake* slap EJ, even if he "deserved it" or whatever? Well I'm glad they let EJ answer that argument for us. He is the bigger person and took the high road, even though no one would have blamed him if he did. I do not know why he called Ricky his "brother" though? Like some brother you've got there. Worse than Conrad and Jeremiah Fisher. Also it just makes everything they did to EJ worse bc camp and the theater are both his second homes (bc his dad sucks) and he frequently refers to the Wildcats as his family, but his "family" doesn't seem to give a shit about him.
Overall, but especially the ending, it all felt weirdly out of character and overly dramatic and like over the top...I know it's always been over the top and dramatic but this felt off and different than usual. It felt like a weird fever dream. I am convinced they were still acting dramatic for the documentary and at the start of next season it will be revealed (Corbin even said they were showing them the trailer before the premiere thing started and people came in to "get their reactions". which makes me believe they were being filmed and they knew it). Idk I just don't know anymore. I do love the concept of season 4 though so I'll probably watch it just for the HSM cast and nostalgia. And also I'm already this invested might as well finish lol
#hsmtmts#hsmtmts 3#hsmtmts season 3#ej caswell#portwell#ej caswell protection squad#ricky bowen#gina porter#i'm sorry bc this ended up being way way way longer than I intended#there's just so much to talk about and unpack here!
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182 Days of TPN - Day 153
Chapter 153: "Coward"
I dunno why but I'm kinda bummed Norman's kill happened off-panel. Yeah it wouldn't feel right to see one one of the sweetest boys to take a life but that's exactly why it would work so well under his WM persona. And I just wanted to see Yverk perish, honestly. I don't like him. At least we got to see Norman attack Vylk in the second season, which is better than nothing, I suppose.
Norman would know that eradication is certainly not the only way to achieve peace if he would stop sounding like a broken record and listen to Emma's idea about the new promise and using the evil blood to save the demons. Also, I love how surprised the Lambda boys are upon hearing Emma rejecting Norman's orders/suggestion so easily. Her short & quick response is a nice callback to when she refused Ray's idea to leave all the GF kids behind back during ch4.
The WM facade that Norman is so confident with means nothing when our girl knows him so darn well, even to the point where he's lying to himself about his true feelings.
Gotta say that I prefer the anime's take on this panel much better as well. Definitely makes me feel sorry for this sad, terrified child more than a chessmaster with a god complex.
The manga does toss a whole bunch of flashbacks our way though so that does help pull some heartstrings here. I can also never remember that Norman & Vincent had the chance to meet casually while at Lambda. For a while I thought they only communicated via the rubix cube their entire time there. The Lambda staff should've never let these boys socialize.
They're both pretty stubborn when it comes to their own ideas but Norman has gotta know to yield once Emma has her heart set on something. You can't go against our leading lady. And how convenient that there's now a clear path between all the dead demons so she can march her way right up to him.
I love her so much for calling him out like this.
This trio is so darn precious with how much they care for each other and see each other as equals aaahh! Ray's words kinda remind me of ch178 when Norman said they would refuse to cross over to the human world if it means that Emma would have to sacrifice herself. And ch27 with Emma's famous speech about how they'll all live together and won't accept a future unless everyone is part of it. Look at that, all three of 'em having their own moments.
I don't even care if the anime switched up Ray's lines, it feels more personal to him when he draws on his own experiences and their relationship to remind Norman who he really is. I also love that someone is shown to be frustrated with Norman's actions. Emma is too, deep down somewhere I'm sure, but her voice is a lot more calming and hopeful during this scene, as usual.
Can't praise the anime for too long though since it doesn't include Ray offering his hand out to Norman like the manga does. (though perhaps it took inspiration from the following chapter since we don't see his hand there either when this moment is shown again.)
Anime also leaves Ray out of the hug for whatever reason. Maybe to match this chapter's extra page of Emma comforting a small, crying Norman, but c'mon, trio hugs are the best kind of hugs! (even though I personally prefer the hug shown next chapter a little bit more.) I can appreciate how the anime had Norman's hood fall down once Emma caught him as he fell to his knees, kinda like how his entire cape flew off here.
Favorite panel/moment:
Yeesss sweetie! Put that boy in his place!! I imagine she would've been just as angry if she had learned any sooner that Ray was sacrificing their siblings back at GF, so he's lucky all he got was a death glare in ch15.
Their faces are SO ADORABLE HERE!! HELP! I LOVE THEM!
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What are you thoughts on GT Goku, GT Vegeta, GT Bulma, GT Krillin, GT Gohan and GT Chi-Chi?
GT Goku: Its dumb that he was wished into a becoming a child for most of the series. And what's dumber imo is that he even behaves like a child for most of it because the writers wanted to recapture Goku as a kid again. His personality as SSJ4 is cool & I think thats why ppl like SSJ4 so much. Its a huge physical and mental contrast to what we see GT Goku as most of the time. And that contrast makes people like it because it makes Goku an adult again who takes things more seriously but also is a bit careless as he shows off his strength. Ya know, like Goku was in DBZ. Its a return to what we wanted. (But those are just my thoughts.)
GT Vegeta: From what I can remember, I actually like him a lot. He feels like he progressed after the End of Z when he was more laid back. But I didn't like how much of a background character he was at first, then they rehashed Majin Vegeta with Baby Vegeta (rehashed Saiyan Saga Oozaru Vegeta a bit too). Then I think he just gets beat up by Hellfighter 17 after that. He wasn't really useful until the end and even then there wasn't much. I dont think the writers knew what to do with him since he was a calmer Vegeta. Also, how he gets SSJ4 doesn't bother me. He needed to be exposed to certain rays of light or energy, so Bulma created a means to expose him to that. The part I disliked was that he turned Golden Oozaru then pretended to be out of control & attack Goku. Why? Why play around at this point? And since he has always had control over his Oozaru form, why was he a Golden Oozaru for any amount of time longer than less than 10 seconds? He should've turned SSJ4 almost immediately. Another thing I didn't like was him crying about losing another home (this may be a English dub only thing). It makes sense for Vegeta to be upset about Earth being destroyed, but he didn't care for his home planet at all nor did he care about his own race. He wouldn't miss Planet Vegeta. And if he did care about that stuff, why didn't he talk to the growling Nappa that came back to life? He just kills him again. I don't think the writers knew what they wanted to do with him and kinda made a mess. A small mess, but still a mess. They didn't know if they wanted Vegeta to be stoic, caring, unfeeling, ect.
GT Bulma: I honestly don't recall much about her. She was okay from what I remember. Seems like she was relegated to a background character like others were. Being a background character works for some due to their personality, but it doesn't work for all. Like Tien. He works as a background character but he is more interesting as a foreground character. Same goes for Piccolo because both are stoic. But Bulma? She is Miss Personality. Not to mention she is a genius and could be involved in all of the adventures of GT. But they divided Bulma's characteristics into Pan, Trunks, Bra, & Marron then put Bulma in the background.
GT Krillin: Was used as a background character for most of GT, so his death wasn't impactful to me despite me being a Krillin fan. Plus the way his family treated him was terrible and out of character. They just killed Krillin for "nostalgia" reasons & it was sloppily done. His deaths mattered so much before in DB & DBZ because he was in the story and active and built relationships with other characters. GT didnt do any of that so his death felt cheap & forced. It was essentially turning Krillin into a random background character that is being shown for 2 minutes in about 5 episodes. The anime staff at that time weren't very good at character portrayal nor knew how to involve characters.
GT Gohan: He was okay but was also placed in the position of background character but not as much as Krillin was. He could have been used much more. Like him going with Goku on space adventures as they said he was going to do, and Gohan doing a little something against the Shadow Dragons (specifically Omega Shenron) would have been nice. Also, his relationship with Piccolo was kinda non existent unless you remember their friendship from DBZ. That could've been shown more during the Baby Saga.
GT Chi-Chi: I honestly don't remember much of her. But if my memory is right, she was shown more than Krillin. I remember she thought SSJ4 Goku was handsome. I think its more so because Goku was in an adult form again. Idk... Not much I have to say about her.
The problem with GT imo was that if you weren't named Goku or you weren't a Saiyan, then you got pushed to the background. The problem with Super imo was that if you weren't named Goku or Vegeta, you got pushed to the background but not as much as GT did to non-Saiyans.
One reason DBZ is still better than GT & DBS is that other characters did things. They were involved in the story in some sort of way. This is why I dislike GT & the DBS manga so much (DBS anime handles non-Saiyan characters better). GT & the DBS manga really push everyone to the side besides the Saiyans, but more specifically if they aren't Goku & Vegeta. Not to mention how OOC they make certain characters. But in the DBS manga's case, most characters are OOC (even Goku & Vegeta at many points).
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"You took care of me, you were my Batman. But you knew him longer, you loved him longer. With that amount of love in comparison to me, you should hate me"
"It's not a competition of sorts. You loved him too"
"...I know and I hate myself for it"
Dick stood up from his sofa, approaching where Robin had shown up at his window without warning.
"Damian, he wouldn't want you to hate yourself. No one wants that for you"
"Why... why does everyone insist on caring? Pennyworth's life has far much more value than mine, I killed him. I should be in Arkham rotting away, yet you all say otherwise and it's not true. I killed him Richard, I didn't do anything, I merely watched as his neck was snapped"
"Damian. No one could have stopped that outcome"
Robin's eyes widen and he turned to look at Dick before taking off his mask and his breathe came out wobbly.
"Dami, hey look at me-"
"NO! NO! YOU FUCKING IDIOT JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! FATHER SAID HE COULD HAVE STOPPED THE OUTCOME, I'M HIS BLOOD SON SO WHY COULDN'T I BE AS GOOD AS HIM TO SAVE PENNYWORTH?! YOU ALL LOVED HIM AND I DON'T DESERVE TO BE HERE! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, I WOULD DIE AND GO BACK TO HELL A HUNDRED TIMES BEFORE I LET PENNYWORTH DIE! I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT! I HATE MYSELF AND NO ONE ELSE DOES AND IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! I SHOULD BE HATED BY EVERYONE AS WE SPEAK, YET ALL EVERYONE DOES IS TELL ME THAT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING AND THAT HE WOULDN'T WANT THIS OF ME. I HATE MYSELF RICHARD! FOR EVERYTHING! I DESTROY EVERYTHING I TOUCH AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT PENNYWORTH. SIX FEET UNDER WHILE A DEMON STILL ROAMS THE LIVING! I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET HIM DIE! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME THAT NIGHT, NOT HIM, NEVER PENNYWORTH! I... I should've died... I should have fucking died if that meant he could live longer. Anything for him... but I failed and I deserve to be hated for such failure. For even a moment... if no one were to say it then... then I'd know it's me. I have to come to the terms that I really couldn't do anything that night... I don't want to do that... I don't want it to be set in stone that he's really gone... I can't do it"
Damian dropped to his knees sobbing harshly "I can't do this anymore... he's really gone. I couldn't do anything, I wanted to... but I couldn't"
"Damian, can you hear me?"
"I killed him... I just wanted to be a hero"
"Damian"
"I wanted to be better than mother and grandfather made me to be. Then I saw Pennyworth... he felt like my real grandfather and I failed him the time he needed me"
"Damian you're rambling and running out of breath. Look at me"
Damian looked at Dick and Dick almost froze at the sight. Damian's eyes were bloodshot and he looked like more of a child then he ever has before, he looked like he lost everything, he was on the edge of it all. Then out of Damian's mouth came a fragile small voice "I'm sorry... please don't hate me, don't leave me alone. I don't want to be hated, I'm scared of being alone again"
Dick was holding Damian tight, rocking slowly as Damian's body went limp with the exhaustion catching up. "He was always there for me... when father forgot my birthday, Pennyworth was with me... when I needed anything, Pennyworth was there... I'm alone in the Manor and father blames me for Pennyworth's death. I didn't mean to... I didn't want to let anyone I love get hurt... I didn't mean to cause Pennyworth's death. I want Alfred back... I didn't mean to kill you Alfred, I'm sorry... I'm sorry"
Dick ran his hand through Damian's hair over and over "Rest now Damian. I'm here for you, when you wake up everything will get better in time. For now, rest"
.
Dick woke up in the middle of the night when he heard the constant shuffling to his side. Damian was silently crying, no noise, just the tense shoulders and hugging himself tightly gave that away. How many times has Damian blamed himself? Not wanting to get over the death he thought if he was blamed by somebody else then he could use that to move on... but he can't, because it's not right. Damian didn't deserve it. Dick wrapped his arms around his small frame and after a few minutes Damian loosened his grip and his shoulders went down. A small content smile on his face as he let himself thrive in the warmth as he murmured.
"Alfred... I love you"
Dick's heart shattered for what felt like the fourth time today.
#damian wayne#damian wayne has feelings and he wont admit it#dick grayson#robin#bruce wayne#batman#alfred pennyworth#tw death mention#it is done#now excuse me I'm going to go cry in the corner and rock back-and-forth in agony of what I've done#enjoy the angst#I will donate everyone a dollar for the hospital bill of a broken heart
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so ive been rewatching season one to muster back muse, and i just think theres a lot to talk about in the scene where macphail and marisa have their talk in her study. specifically with this part of the scene:
i was devastated that we didn't have marisa's criticism of macphail saying she should've given lyra to the magisterium in TAS, but i think they did do so partly here, specifically in how marisa responds to hearing lyra standing alone with the magisterium priest outside, and the several things that would've gone through her head especially with the context of macphail's threat. you have the obvious, ie. marisa having her work threatened, and as a result appearing fiercely territorial of both lyra and her home which, in her eyes, he's shown blatant disrespect towards through his actions. you have the fact marisa knows they're aware of the affair, and that the less they know about what marisa is doing to keep lyra with her, the better.
her anger is palpable here, especially in the way that she looks at / approaches him once lyra leaves, and i just think that part of that stems from the fact she knows incredibly well the possibilities around what could've happened had she not been there to send lyra away. the implication that one of the men from an institution she knows is responsible for horrendous abuse towards people, especially young women and children, had imposed himself over and tried to intimidate her child in her home as if he had any right to speak to her in the first place.
her commentary on the church and the abuse that people, especially children were put through is so, so important, not only as a general commentary for the reader but for marisa as a character and the abuse she would've witnessed and experienced herself throughout her time with them. its a subtle thing, but i just appreciate the fact that if that was the intention, thorne / ruth / etc were planting small seeds for marisa's character in the setup and the acting for early season one.
#tw abuse#tw religious abuse#tw sa mention#episode 2 is by far my favourite to pull apart for things like this because its one of my favourite overall#the heavy divergence from book events while still staying faithful to them was so strong in the early episodes#so this and the scene where marisa asks lyra about heights are some of my favourite contributions the show gave us#› isms . ‹ study .
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hi, what are your thoughts about how Wulfgar's ptsd was represented/addressed in Spine of the World?
[[ Hello and sorry for the suuuuuuuuper late response! 😅 When I first got this message I wanted to answer it when I had sufficient time and clarity of mind to properly address it. Unfortunately, life has a pesky way of getting in the way of hobbies.
In a general sense, Wulfgar's PTSD is not very well represented or addressed in Spine of the World. The way that Wulfgar is portrayed during that time paints a poor and stereotyped picture of individuals suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. No small part of it felt like Salvatore was just throwing in any negative behaviors that he could think of, or perhaps saw on TV, rather than having done any actual research on PTSD. Although people with PTSD can certainly be prone to to behaviors like abuse of alcohol and other substances as well as manifesting violent outbursts, other aspects like the misogyny that Wulfgar displayed aren't typically associated with PTSD. Those sorts of perspectives stem more from indoctrination and/or cultural shaping. Although it's mentioned that Wulfgar supposedly got those perspectives from his barbarian tribe, the Tribe of the Elk, misogyny isn't something he displays until his PTSD episode. This isn't to say that traumatic experiences can't cause someone to be misogynistic or misandrist, it makes very little sense for Wulfgar to have been misogynistic based on what he'd experienced. All in all, it felt like he was being villainized more than anything else.
Wulfgar's PTSD was handled even more clumsily by his "dear friends" than by the author portraying it. Their solution was to literally leave him alone, with Catti-brie even attempting to fuck him out of it. Then, when Wulfgar attacks her because she tried to do him while he was asleep and having a nightmare about his time in the Abyss, Wulfgar is the one cast in a negative light for attacking poor, sweet, innocent, hot as fuck Catti-brie. It's like that action justifies the people who are supposed to be his family completely abandoning him.
I do need to note that Wulfgar's PTSD is portrayed poorly, however compared to Salvatore's later handling of PTSD, it's stellar. During the Rage of Demons storyline, Drizzt gets infected with magically-induced PTSD. During his time with this magical PTSD, the narrative is very much one of, "oh poor baby Drizzt, no one has ever had it as bad as he, please cry for him and want to hold him". Drizzt's magical PTSD goes away as quickly and conveniently as it came: through magic. Salvatore claimed that infecting Drizzt with PTSD was meant to show people who suffer from mental illnesses that it's not a stigma, but the problem with that reasoning is this: real people don't just magically get PTSD, and they certainly don't ever just have it be magically taken away again. Salvatore's handling of PTSD with Drizzt is downright offensive to anyone and everyone who's had experience with mental illness. Many people do not become cured from their mental illnesses, rather it becomes something that they've learned to make a manageable part of their lives. Despite these people having to still endure episodes of suffering, Salvatore acts as though the amount of empathy and kindness that should be shown to those people are what Drizzt was entitled to as well.
Another example of Salvatore's poor handling of PTSD that is actually ongoing to this day is what he does with Artemis Entreri. Unlike with both Wulfgar and Drizzt, Artemis' PTSD is never even acknowledged. We know that Artemis has PTSD because of what he has gone through, and what he becomes as a result of these experiences: being sold by his mother, years of being molested as a child, years of passed around as a sex novelty among the priestesses of Lolth, over seven decades of enslavement by the Netherese, just to name a few. Salvatore should've just stopped at the child molestation thing with Artemis, but he didn't, instead using Artemis as the go-to to heap more and more torturous experiences on. And yet, despite all of these, it’s just swept under the rug how it’s affected Artemis. We get glimpses here and there, but Salvatore is so keen on making his self-loathing be about how he used to kill people for a living, so to Salvatore, the way that Artemis should recover from his PTSD is to undergo “redemption”. I’ve stated my feelings on this subject before so I’ll grab a quote from my review of Starlight Enclave:
Finally, the subject of "redemption", which Salvatore seems entirely too fixated upon while apparently possessing a rather narcissistic definition of what it means. Redemption stories are popular, but they're also horrifically overdone, and prone to being done badly. What Salvatore does with it is worse than Blizzard's Sylvannas redemption arc. Entreri and Doum'wielle certainly have things that they could atone for, but "redemption" in the context of the Drizzt books seems to mean becoming more like Drizzt and the Companions of the Hall. "Redemption" is less about making amends, and more about conformation. In Entreri's case, apparently it means that someone who was sold as a child by his mother to an adult whom repeatedly molested him, who grew up without trust or love and with expertise at murder as his only metric of self-worth, who spent over seven decades as a slave, has to become besties as quickly as possible with the very people who had deemed themselves worthy of deciding his fate while assuming they knew everything about his background. He isn't worth anything unless he becomes just like them and would sacrifice everything without thought to protect them. "Redemption" in the Drizzt books apparently means to wantonly change everything about yourself for the sake of Drizzt and his companions, to suddenly abandon trust issues founded on a long life of painful experiences, to speak of deepest traumas before an assembly as strangers despite only having been able to talk of it to a single loved one in the past.
I honestly don't know why anyone would want this, as Entreri has become a less and less interesting character with each book. In a way, he's back to being what he was when we first meet him, back then he was likened to the Lolthite drow, now he might as well be a CotH clone, not really standing out from certain groups of people aside from his skill, which in Salvatore's world in shockingly common. Frankly it seems like every community has at least a few dozen highly-skilled folks, sometimes just hanging around in taverns. Indeed, a big part of what makes Starlight Enclave so flat and uninteresting is that the characters have what in art is called sameface syndrome. It doesn't matter that the text tells us that Jarlaxle is clever or that Entreri is being sarcastic, in the end, those become tiny insignificant details when all share the same core tenets. After all, we quickly realize that they'll give everything to help Drizzt and do everything they can to emulate Drizzt. Even Kimmuriel, the psionicist with the almost alien mindset, is not spared this treatment. Salvatore asserts that Entreri has "grown in soul", but what I see is the greatest tragedy done to a character in years.
I suspect that Salvatore stumbled onto Entreri by accident and was surprised by how popular he'd become, but instead of taking the opportunity to learn, research and consult about how to develop such a character that resonated so much with those that felt alienated by Drizzt, he instead took the lazy route and bent Entreri into the only thing that he apparently knows how to write. I could go on for pages about how damaging the message conveyed with Entreri's "redemption" is to readers with their real life traumas, but I don't have pages, so I'll just leave it at this: even within Starlight Enclave, Entreri's character isn't consistent, and I don't mean about how he never had Khazid'hea but it's apparently canon now that he had. Please, Bob, consult people with the appropriate experience. You can't make this stuff up. If you're going to write about it, you owe it to your readers to do it well. I suspect that my entreaty will fall on deaf ears, as there's a section of the book dedicated to lecturing about how intent matters. It's so meta, and so pathetically transparent. Yes, intention matters, but it can't be the end-all that the lecture wishes it is, it can't even be a significant factor in the consideration of the most important matters. In those matters, execution is important. If I hit someone with my car, regardless of if I meant to or not, I'd still be going to jail for a very long time, which is as it should be. Intent matters, but what comes of it matters so much more.
In conclusion, I’ll swing back to Wulfgar in Spine of the World. Yeah, it isn’t great, but I’d gladly take that handling of PTSD over whatever bullshit Salvatore is doing these days. ]]
#Artemis Entreri#Wulfgar son of Beornegar#legend of drizzt#Forgotten Realms#PTSD#ama#ooc#glorfy-the-bright-haired-ellon
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Hold Out Your Hand And I'll Reach For You Too
Chapter Three • *******
Word Count: 1,447
HOYHAIRFYT chapter collection
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A Moment In Time
-
He was running, running far away from the latest town that turned on him. Why didn't they like him? Why did every town always turn on him? Why was it only a matter of time before he was running again? Running, always running. He was so sick of running.
Trees passed around him as he tried to get away, tried to lose the people following him. He risked a glance behind and didn't see anyone, didn't hear anyone. He should've been paying more attention to where he was going, to where he was running to.
His quick speed halted suddenly and he groaned into the dirt. He twisted back and saw his foot had tripped over a root. Looking back forward as he gingerly picked himself up, a bit of fear flooded his gut.
A peculiar clearing, deep in the forest, no animals to be found, no noise, and an odd indescribable feeling to the air…
He hadn't had much of an education, he knew how to read, so he must've had an adult in his life when he was a small child —though he didn't care to think about any of the reasons why they may no longer be there—, but anything beyond that that he knew was from the books he borrowed… without permission, and from whispers he'd heard.
And there'd been plenty of people warning their children about the fae. How basically no one came back. How the lucky few that did —who had warned people what to look for, what to be wary of— how they weren't actually that lucky at all.
There wasn't anything wrong with them per sé, but they were different, changed. Not themselves.
So no, he hadn't done hardly any schooling, but he knew a fae circle when he saw one.
"Well well well," Something said, startling him, but it paid him no mind. "What have we here? A human? It's been a little while since one of your kind has come to see me. Can I have your name?"
He wasn't quite sure he understood why, but he knew one wasn't supposed to do that.
"Um, no."
The fae seemed unbothered as he laughed. "Fair enough I suppose. How about a little deal then? What is it that you want? I can give you a wide variety of things."
"I… I don't want to have to run away anymore, I don't want to starve, or worry about where I'm going to spend the night. I want all my physical needs taken care of."
"And in return for your physical needs taken care of —as well as a humble room with a bed— for as long as you are responsible and do the chores I ask you, you'll give me your name?"
"Yes."
"Then according to the conditions that have just been laid out, you agree to the deal?"
"Yes, I agree to the conditions of our deal."
"Very good. Then to seal the deal give me your name and then I am so obligated to provide you with everything as so stated."
"My… my name is *******."
The fae smiled, lips stretched a bit too wide, something odd that couldn't be described in his eyes. "Well, it's nice to meet you, *******.”
-
He was taken back to the fae's mansion of a house and given something to eat. Though the fae had watched him the entire time with that strange expression still on his face.
They went up the small kitchen stairs and through several hallways, until they got to a small room that was tucked away in a corner of the building, and so he was shown the room that was to be his.
It had a wooden dresser that was only a bit scratched up, a little nightstand, and a twin size bed with a red blanket folded up at the foot of it.
"We're going to go see if the worker has some clean sheets."
"Um, okay."
He followed the fae out of the room still a bit anxious, with him it was probably for no reason at all, but mentally patting himself on the back.
He'd gotten himself a room and food, and that's all that mattered.
They twisted around and around until he was a bit dizzy and knew there was no way he would be able to find his way back to his room by himself. Just how big was this place anyway?
"Uh, is there something I can call you, sir."
The fae glance back at him, and for a second he wondered if he was going to be in trouble.
But the fae just looked back forward, continuing to walk on as he said, "I suppose you may call me 'G'."
"Okay, thank you."
They turned one final corner as G muttered, "Ah, at last."
This caught the attention of a man who, judging by the green scales on one side of his face, was of dragon descent.
He wore a black bowler hat, dress shoes, and slacks. He had a gold chain that linked the two sides of his caplet together and when he moved to tilt his hat to G, it could be seen that the underside of the caplet was the same shiny yellow as his gloves.
"This is… well, let's just say he works here. Ask him any questions you may have about the residence and the like. He's more than a little knowledgeable about the place and its contents."
"Hello, you may call me Dee." Dee held out his gloved hand and he hurried to shake it, more than just a bit surprised by how strong Dee's grip was.
"Well," G said, "I'll leave it to you to make sure he stays where he's supposed to, and learns anything important here that he might need to know."
"Yes, sir," Dee replied, cold with no emotion in his voice. As soon as G had left he turned a curious yellow-gold eye to look over the new arrival, his brown eye still surveying the bookshelf he was at. "So, what am I to call you then?"
"Um, I guess you could call me… anxiety?"
"No, too long. I'm calling you Anxie."
"Oh, okay. So… what's it that you do here?"
"Anything and everything that is required of me."
"Wow, super specific. Great." Oh, wonderful, he'd just met the man and he was already fucking it up with his casual sarcasm. That was just perfect.
Surprisingly enough though, Dee just laughed a small quiet laugh. "Oh, I like you. I think we're going to get along just fine."
-
Anxie had quickly gotten to know the other person there and, despite —or maybe because of— their often debates, they'd become something akin to friends.
They were having another one of their increasingly common sleepovers, staying up a bit later than they should've —especially considering how early they needed to get up for chores— just talking or reading, either silently to themselves or aloud to each other.
They'd only known each other for months, but Anxie trusted Dee implicitly and it was nice, not being lonely.
Though sometimes his anxiety in his gut said something bad was coming, not to trust, that someday all these memories with Dee would turn rotten and he would only look back in grief, but then again, his anxiety had also been worried about the morning doves attacking him from across the backyard that afternoon, so he didn't always trust it.
They were both tired and tired of reading so they just both laid in Dee's full-sized bed for a while, looking up at the wooden beams that ran across the ceiling.
Dee looked over at Anxie, a soft smile on his worn, tired face. "I want to tell you something."
"What is it?" Anxie asked, his own smile forming, granted a bit lopsidedly.
"Don't tell anyone, but… my name…"
Anxie felt his eyebrows rise in shock. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. I trust you with my life. You understand that names are just that."
"Yeah, I'm beginning to."
"So you promise not to tell anyone?"
"I promise."
"My name is Janus."
"It's very nice to meet you, Janus. I— I would tell you mine too, but I don't think my name really fits me, I don't like it. Never had."
"Oh, well, maybe one of his books will have a more fitting, edgier name you'd rather have."
"Yeah, maybe."
"We can look tomorrow."
"That'd be cool. I think I'd like that."
-
And they'd found him a name. In a worn small book, they'd found it. And that was Virgil's name. And he would never let anyone, not human nor fae take that away from him.
-
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Hello! I don't know if you have character limit or not. Can I request Childe, Zhongli and Xiao with a s/o that come crying to them because they being chased by someone that want to hurt them?
If you can't do all of them then just do Zhongli, please~. Thank you
Note: It totally didn't take me frickin' months to get to my requests. So sorry about this anon
But I hope you like what I've written for you!
Synopsis: Chased by someone into the arms of your lover...how will they react?
Warning(s): F l u f f, Some violence(?), a bit of Angst (Nothing involving the characters though), A bit of favoritiúm shown towards Xiao and Childe ùwú
Tartaglia: Debts Owed
:: Your family owned a little sewing business. Not too big nor too small. Just a humble little side job that was the family's gem! Or...at least it used to be until your father could no longer make the payments. The debts just kept going up and up and up, leaving you feeling lost and hopeless even though you knew you could easily go to him.
No.
You wanted to handle this on your own but...after being caught off-guard and forced to run with seemingly no end in stop? You wished you had asked for help.
~
~
Your heart hammered against your chest. Sweat dripping down your face as your entire body ached and pleaded for a break, you had been running for hours it seemed with your pursuers hot on your trail, each time you thought you had lost them, thinking it was safe to take a break and catch your breath, they had always managed to find you seconds afterward.
It was getting beyond exhausting.
Like running through a maze that had no end, only meaningless hope.
"L-Leave me alone!" You cried out, your pace beginning to slow down before you heard the sound of footsteps once more.
Though a tear slipped down your cheek at the painful thought, you continued running once more.
You wished you had asked your lover for help earlier on when the debt started to get out of control. His pockets seemed to be deeper than anyone's with mora and he was always so generous with it when it came to you!
When you went out on dates with him? Never did you have to worry about how you were going to afford all the lavish gifts he'd spoil you with, never did you have to ask 'Can you afford all this?'.
You should've asked for help.
"Got you!"
A scream erupted from your parched throat as you felt someone grab onto your clothes from behind, pulling you towards their body where you quickly felt a knife at your throat.
"Now...about that debt little- SHIT!" They suddenly screamed as you bit into their hand, using the last of your remaining strength to push their arm away from you and to put some distance between yourself and your assailants.
Your eyes were as wide as a deer's, scared and panicky as you realized there was nowhere else to go whilst you barely had the strength to continue onwards. Slower and slower you got...the very act of moving backward was a pain until...you felt a hard chest against your back.
Quickly, you squeezed your eyes shut, afraid of what they may do until...you heard a familiar chuckle and a comforting pat against your head.
"There you are, dear! You had me so worried, I thought you said you'd be earlier for our date." Your lover, Tartaglia, said as he lightly scolded you.
Yet, as you turned to look up at him, his usually light and carefree blue eyes with dark with the intent to murder.
Thankfully, it wasn't directed towards you.
"But...I can see that your reason for being late is understandable." He continued before he walked in front of you and took out his bow with a heavy sigh.
"Come now, gentlemen! For tonight? You'll be thankful for death after I'm through with all of you."
Xiao: Waking Nightmare
:: For the last few nights or so, you've been plagued with terrible nightmares.
Nightmares of you dying to figureless black mists with red eyes and claws so sharp they could cut steel like butter. The sounds they let out when they found you were absolutely horrific to hear, the mixture between screams of anguish and such madness that would make a madman look sane.
Yet, you were the lover of the Yaksha Xiao, the one who used to be known for eating dreams and was a force to be reckoned with in battle. Constantly, when you had yet woken up from the same nightmare. He'd comfort you and tell you that it's just a dream. That he's right there beside you and will never let any such monsters lay a finger on you.
You had always believed him.
At least, until those dreams had become reality.
~
~
You could hardly believe your eyes you saw them. The monsters from your dreams.
For a moment or two, you assumed yourself to be hallucinating, that what you were seeing across the river as you let your feet soak in the cool waters after a long day's work, but...it wasn't. You had figured that fact out very well once you had heard the near-deafening sound of their scream before they suddenly tried to rush towards you.
That's how you came to your current situation.
Running until your legs nearly gave out, all the while you screamed for Xiao until you were nearly blue in the face. Yet, it seemed that he wasn't coming, for on this day? The sun seeming to disappear more and more behind the horizon by every passing minute whilst you quickly found yourself out in the middle of nowhere with no building in sight it seemed?
The thought of giving up...it'd be so much easier.
Not to mention, the nightmare always ended the same. You'd trip on something like some klutz, continuing to call out for your lover's name although you knew good and well that he wasn't coming to your rescue. Maybe a few tears would slip from your eyes all before you'd feel a stabbing pain in your chest and then...you woke up.
The same instances happened.
You tripped.
Called out for Xiao a few more times as you continued to back up away from the creature.
A few tears slipped from your eyes.
Now? Now came the stabbing pain...
Yet- it didn't come.
You dared to open an eye and looked up, your hand feeling the tip of someone's shoe before your eyes widened whilst you heard the creature hiss and screech in fear.
"X-Xiao...?" You whispered, your voice raspy and shaky as you looked up at the Adeptus.
"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner." He apologized, his soothing voice not matching the fury in his eyes.
"I-It's fine-" You barely had time to finish your sentence before your lover rushed at the creature, wielding his spear effectively and quickly against the mysterious mist as it uselessly swiped and screamed at the Adeptus.
It was almost embarrassing how quickly the monster fell at the feet of Xiao, letting out one more scream before it was stabbed, disintegrating into black ash on the ground.
He let out a sigh as flicked the creature's blood from off of his spear before kneeling in front of you and placing a kiss on your forehead.
At least this nightmare had a good ending to it.
Zhongli: The Price For Knowledge
:: From time to time, you'd like to accompany Zhongli to his meetings and conferences, people seemingly from all around Teyvat wanted to come and speak to him due to his excessive knowledge about historical topics. Even when it pertained to things that happened thousands of years ago before people were even on Teyvat!
It was almost as if he was there to witness it himself.
You, of course, knew he was an Archon but...to protect his wishes and wants about wanting to live amongst the people as a normal person. You never breathed a word of his godhood to anyone.
So...it begged the question.
How did someone manage to find out?
~
~
You crossed your arms stubbornly as you looked up at the man, eyes full of fire and glaring right at him. You were just walking through the streets of Liyue, basket in hand and ready to go shopping for ingredients to make something special for your husband tonight! The sun was shining and a smile was on your face, nothing was going wrong until he came along.
Asking and demanding to see your husband in an effort to figure out exactly how he got his precise answers and who he was.
First, it was a kind question, you kindly said you couldn't answer that.
Next, it was harsher, so you gave the same response in a harsher tone.
Now? Now it reached this point, where the both of you were screaming at one another and glaring daggers at each other.
One determined to get information and the other determined to protect said information.
"If you don't tell me-"
"You'll do what sir?" A familiar voice said from behind you before you couldn't help but let a proud smirk come onto your face, the look of shock and nervousness coming onto the man's face making you scoff in your head.
It payed off to be the wife to an Archon.
#genshin impact#genshin xiao#genshin zhongli#genshin tartagalia#genshin fandom#genshin headcanons#genshin imagines#genshin x reader#creative writing#writing#genshin smut#imagine#anime fandom#anime#genshin fanfiction#genshin fanfic#fanfic#fanfiction requests#fanfiction
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The Waiting Game
Mando/Din Djarin x GN Reader oneshot
Book of Boba spoilers - episode five and six.
Ultimate masterlist. Star Wars masterlist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're sick and tired of waiting for him, all you ever did do was wait for him. Wait for him to come home, wait for him to contact you, wait for him to fly the ship, wait for him to tell you he's okay. You hated waiting for him, and you finally reached the point of no return.
Why should you be waiting for him? He had been gone for hours now, all alone and on a mission to find the child; his kid. Well at this point it was easier to say your kid, after all, you became permanent crew when the little guy joined.
You knew you should've gone with him, blast him for getting that ship and blast Peli for persuading him. She never like the idea of you going off into battle, a pretty face like yours shouldn't see war was what she said on that first meeting. Damn her for being such a good ally.
But you needed to see that little green bean of a creature, just the one time, even if it only lasted for just a moment. You hadn't let the feeling of jealousy go when you saw the Jedi take him, though you knew he would be safe. Where was possibly safer than the arms of a Jedi?
But you still couldn't hide the disappointment within you, not fighting to let him stay with your little family just a moment longer. You knew why Din was doing this, he had to see Grogu again. That little womp rat had wormed his way into both your hearts.
So here you sat, back on the dirt planet of Tatooine. A lot of sand, you hated sand; it was course and got everywhere. Peli was off doing god knows what, her yelling distant but easy enough to make some sense of.
You looked up towards the blue sky, so simple and boring just like the rest of this planet, you had no idea why Boba wanted to rule such a place. The people were nice enough, they had shown you and the Mandalorian enough respect on the few visits here, but you wouldn't say this is the type of planet to settle down on.
He was definitely taking too long, he said he'd be quick and in a supped up ship like that, he should've been there and back within an hour. What if something happened to him? What if something had happened to Grogu? You'd never be able to live with yourself.
"Would'ya quit ya worrying, you're makin' me all tense." Peli groaned, a dirty rag in her hands. She came to sit next to you on a lone crate, dusting her hands before dropping the rag to the floor, "He'll be back in no time, if I know Mando, he'll be zipping past some planets or somethin'. Gettin' a good feel of the engine."
"I don't know, Peli. He's been gone for an awfully long time, he promised he would only see the child. What if something bad-"
"There ya go again! Listen, (Y/N), nothing bad is gonna happen to him. He's safer than a droid in a glass shop."
You turned to her with a brow raised, sometimes you could never figure Peli out, you marked it down to her years spent with droids as her main source of companionship. Turning back to the empty lot, you huffed another sigh, you're sick of waiting.
"Peli?" she hummed beside you, picking at the dirt in her nails, "You got any more ships?"
------
"You. I didn't expect to see you here." Mando raised from the bench the droids had made him, his blaster raised to the figure amongst the bamboo shoots. Ashoka stepped forward, a daring smile on her lips "I'm an old friend of the family."
Mando sat up fully now, tucking his blaster away, "I thought you said you weren't going to train Grogu?" he didn't look back at her, instead, he focused on the droids piling rocks on top of the hill. Ashoka followed his gaze, moving to join him by the bench, "I'm not, Master Luke is."
Din pointed his stare at her, though his helmet was emotionless, Ashoka couldn't help the small chuckle that fell from her lips. He studied her for a moment, content that their second meeting wasn't because of a fight. He dipped his head down, tugging on his hands as a stream of questions flooded his brain.
"Then what are you doing here?" his voice was raspy, it was the only question he could muster. Ashoka hadn't let her eyes fall from the droids, dissecting them closely as they slaved away under the modest heat, "That's my question for you."
"I'm here to see the kid."
----
You thanked the stars Peli was a junkie, a constant supply of well-put-together ships for the taking. You knew where Din would be, thankful the Jedi had told you of his location the moment he has settled down. The ship wasn't nearly as fast as the one Din possessed, but you weren't far away by any means; just a little longer and you'd be able to see the pair you longed for again.
It wasn't long until you could see the planet before you, a giddy smile on your face. With eager hands you drove down, scoping the planet out before you eventually found Din's ship; he was still here. You landed only a few feet away from him, practically launching from the ship to hold Grogu once again.
You followed the dirt paths and the sound of machinery, coming into contact with the droids. You watched with wonder in your eyes as they built structures taller than your expectations of the island. You could hear movement and hushed voices not far from your position, deciding that this could be them, you tracked on.
"This is what you get for making me wait, Djarin." you huffed under your breath.
On closer inspection you could see the outline of Din's armour reflecting in the light, you loved when it did that. Besides him was the Jedi you had met before, you had her smile ingrained in your memory, she was such a nice person.
"I just... I wanna give him this."
"Why? So he will remember you?"
"No."
You could only make out a little of their conversation, too busy focusing on the shadows on top of the hill. There he was, the little green bean himself, just sitting there with his master. God, you were so proud of him, going off on his own to train and become a space wizard.
A part of you longed for him to return home, wherever that was, but the rational side knew this is where he belonged. You watched in awe as he sat opposite Skywalker, barely making out the little raise of his hand as he focused on his surroundings. You wondered if he could sense your presence here, no doubt he could feel Din, the kid played favourites.
"If you are set on it, then allow me to deliver it." you're brought back by Ashoka's voice, her calming, dipped voice. You step forward, slowly, careful not to make a sound. Ashoka knows you're there, she can feel the confusion surrounding you, feel the love you feel for not only Grogu but for the Mandalorian who stood in front of her.
"I came all this way. He's right there." Din sounded so defeated, possibly the most disappointed you've ever heard him. His thumb stroked the cloth that bundled the kid's gift, tugging on the Grogu-like shape. Your heart screamed for him, it reached out of your chest to comfort the man.
"Din," you softly whispered, stepping closer to the pair, hands bundled close against your chest. Din turned around, his back stood straight as he repaired his wounded stance, "(Y/N), what are you doing here?" he stepped towards you, casting a quick gaze back to Grogu on the hill. Seeing as though he was safe and content, he rushed to you, holding you in an embrace that said more than words.
"Din, what does she mean? Why can't we see Grogu?" tears started to blur your vision, you felt pathetic yet justified. He was your child, your responsibility, you should be free to see him as you please. Din could only hold you tighter, wondering the very same thing.
"Grogu misses you a great deal." Ashoka's words broke you both apart, Din's arm was secured around your waist as you leant against him for support. Although your lips formed words, no sounds came from them, "W-what?"
"If he sees you, it will only make things more difficult for him." Ashoka cast her eye to the ground, the tips of her toes forming small circles in the dirt. She couldn't face seeing the two of you like this, two parents heartbroken. You shared a glance with Din, his helmet already turned to you, waiting for your answer.
Grogu, your sweet, sweet Grogu.
You knew his place was here, with his kind. The Jedi would look after him, you knew that too. Yet, you couldn't help the dread that filled you, knowing you'd be leaving this planet without him, that you'd go back to Tatooine empty-handed. You hated waiting, you couldn't wait. Grogu aged so differently compared to you, by the time he's 100 you could be dead, never to see him again.
That part of you longed for him, longed for the days where it was just you, him and the Mandalorian. Aboard the Razor Crest, travelling amongst the stars, exploring new planets together, as a family.
"(Y/N)" Din's voice brought you back to reality, you found yourself staring off at the hill. Grogu was in Luke's arms, he seemed happy here like he belonged. Finally, you shared a nod with Din, the tears never seemed to stop. He understood you well enough by now, knew you inside and out. Months spent in the confines of his ship, smushed together on a single bunk when you were both exhausted after a long mission.
He turned to Ashoka, arms still embracing you, "Make sure he's protected." The Jedi shook her head repeatedly, taking the small gift Din had brought for Grogu in her hands. The pair cast one final glance to the hill before treading back into the bamboo forest, following the dirt path back to the temple. You held Din's hand the entire way, cheeks rosy and nose sniffling with sadness.
"I'm sorry we couldn't see him," Din spoke, holding your hands as you stood in front of the ships. You shook your head, a weak laugh falling from your lips, pulling a hand away, you rubbed at your eyes "No, it was silly to think we could, I mean, he's got all this stuff going on...I wouldn't want to be a bother."
"You wouldn't have been a bother, cyar'ika. It doesn't feel right, he's a foundling under my protection, I should be there-"
"Din, you heard what Ashoka said, he's a padawan now." You wanted to cup his face, feel your thumb scratch the remnants of his beard. Instead, you enveloped your palm flat against the curve of the cheek, the metal cold to touch.
"I just- we came all this way." he sounded so broken, your heart ached for him. You felt his thumb begin to rub the soft skin of your hand, you replicated his actions, "I know, baby, I know. We'll see him again one day, I'm sure of it."
"C'mon, ner kar'taylir darasuum, we need to get back to Tatooine." he pulled away from you, heading towards his ship. You threw your head back like a child, a deep groan coming from within you, "Do we have to? I hate it there."
"(Y/N), I made a promise to Boba; he has my word."
"But the sand," you tried to justify, waving your hands to the sand stuck to your boots. You could hear Din's modulated laugh, the sound similar to static, "My word, ik'aad. I must honour it, it is the-"
"The way, I know, I know." you waved, heading to the pile of rust Peli lent you. Even if this trip was for nothing, you knew Grogu was safe and even if he couldn't see you, you knew he felt your presence. Now you just had to wait.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Translations:
- ner kar'taylir darasuum - my love
- ik'aad - baby
- cyar'ika - darling
#star wars mandalorian#mandalorian x reader#star wars the mandalorian#mando fanfiction#the mandalorian#star wars#fanfic#fandom#fan#oneshot#fanfiction#reader#fluff#pedro pascal#din djarin x reader#din djaren#grogru#mandalorian and grogu#luke and grogu#ashoka tano#luke skywalker
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