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lanabuckybarnes · 2 months

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Empty words.

This has been in my drafts for a bit but it's rotting my brain. I’m sad so I’m making everyone else sad.

Fluff with a sad end. I’m not that good at writing angst.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Insinuated character death?

ALWAYS (Sequal)

┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

It was no secret that Bucky had the heart eyes for the little nurse who had just transferred. The way her bright eyes were permanently blown wide giving her that scared little doe look or the way she still looked adorable covered in someone's blood, he couldn’t decide what had made him fall into the jaws of love.

Or maybe it was that time she’d saved his ass, yeah, it was probably that.

Bucky had been out on the frontline when a single wrong move had cost him, a bullet lodged itself straight in the shoulder, only a centimetre from his beating heart. For 3 days he’d been out due to an infection racking his body, punishment for not seeking adequate treatment once it had occurred but when he awoke with a startle and his eyes laid on her soft-looking features he decided that maybe almost dying was worth it.

What he didn’t expect was for his pretty little nurse to be so damn stubborn when it came to his advances.

For the entire time he was in the infirmary he’d tried to wow her with that silver tongue of his, from promises to take her dancing to much more sinful ones— he’d tried it all and she still said no. This would be harder than what he thought.

After having to be practically kicked out of his infirmary bed she’d started receiving small gifts. A single rose appeared first and she’d inhaled its soft scent with a smile before placing it down to complete her paperwork.

A small collection of ration chocolate was next, a sweet gesture that she’d gladly gulped down late at night while reading her favourite novel.

Her favourite though had to be a beautiful handwritten note, the contents filled with words that no other man could ever think of much less write it down. His words were poet-like, she could feel herself begin to swoon.

Eventually, the anonymous sender had bucked up the confidence to deliver his letters by hand, who would’ve guessed it would’ve been the smart-mouthed Sargent? They’d finished that night on the grassy hills of the base, a flask of malt between them, his thick coat around her body while she rested her head softly against his shoulder.

┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

The next time they’d found time to meet it was hot, far too hot. The men had stripped down, their military coats strewn about the camp and their shirts unbuttoned. Not Sargent Barnes though. He had a date and he intended to look the part.

What a horrible mistake that was.

She’d gotten away early from her duties at the infirmary. They walked along the beach, the sun high in the sky, it was killing him but he’d be dammed if he let her see.

When she turned from her conversation to look at him, a giggle bubbled from her throat.

“Buck you’re sweating, take off that coat.” The collar and back of it were a deep brown from his sweat.

“Ah ah, I gotta look good for my lady” he retorted, truthfully, he was exhausted under those layers and she refused to let him get sunstroke because he was trying to impress her.

Her fingers made quick work of the gold embellished buttons, popping them one by one before setting her sights on the belt. He couldn’t help but grin.

“You know if you wanted me naked, all you had to do was ask Sweetheart” he teased letting his thumb and forefinger pinch her chin- she returned his affection with a sweaty hand to his face, pushing it away softly.

He’d placed his coat on the sand and guided her to sit, following suit just after. They spoke for a while before Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed, she was squinting in the sun and he didn’t like when she was uncomfortable in any way.

“Here” he mumbled removing his hat and placing it gently atop her head. Although he’d acted nonchalant about the whole gesture, he couldn’t bear to hide the true effect it had on him.

He’d leaned forward slowly, placing a large hand around the back of her neck and swallowing her words in a soft kiss. Their first ever one together.

“Makes me happy when you wear my clothes” his voice hummed against her lips, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Yeah? Why is that?” She’d asked with a shy giggle.

“Yeah… it lets me know that you are mine” he replied, sealing their mouths together again, this one full of raw passion and love.

┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

The barracks celebrations were in full swing, the reason long forgotten about after a few wines. Bucky had come from nowhere, his big stumbling body now stood in front of her and her friends.

“Hey, sweetheart!” He slurred, his body moving extremely quick for his drunken state, swiping her up from her chair and into a tight embrace. The kind that got tighter the more she struggled.

“Are you having a nice night Buck?” Her hands thread through his short fluffy hair, absentmindedly scratching at his scalp.

“Mhmmm” he hummed, a big jolly smile decorating his handsome features.

“Ladies” he turned his attention to the immaculately dressed women, bowing his head slightly in an expression of greeting.

Where had his hat gone? She found herself wondering.

“Do you mind if I steal this beautiful little lady from you? Just for a dance” he didn’t wait for their response, whisking her away.

There was already a handsome crowd of men dancing to the sweet romantic tunes on the radio with their ladies. They fit in perfectly— Bucky’s inebriation never seemed to affect the precise steps of his feet.

She could just about make out the words falling rhythmically from his lips. He was singing.

Bucky lay his forehead on hers, his feet not faltering, even after the song had long finished he never stopped swaying them.

“You..” his voice was slightly rasped from the whiskey “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me” he eventually whispered.

“Bucky-I”

“Shhhh shhh sh. My girl.” He cut her off, grabbing at her wrists to wrap her arms around his neck. To bring her closer.

“Come on Buck, let’s get you to bed” her words cut the quiet air between them. She had to pry herself from him, his face had melted into a pout. It was as though she was looking at a kicked puppy.

His face didn’t change the whole journey back to his tent.

Most of the men had passed out from their drunkenness but the men who were huddled together playing cards happily pointed her in the direction of the Sargent’s cot.

Making quick work of his clothes, much to Bucky’s drunken amusement. She’d pushed him to lie down and rolled his thin cover over his frame.

She pecked at his forehead, whispering a goodnight before standing to leave.

“Stay…” his hand has caught her wrist. His voice sounded small, almost broken. ‘Was he upset? Was it about his mission tomorrow?’

“I don’t want to go tomorrow, I finally have someone to look forward to. I don’t want to lose you” he sniffed, watching as her frame sank to sit on the edge of his cot.

She smiled sympathetically. Letting her hand come up to his cheek and smooth over the skin, collecting a stray tear on its travels.

“I know baby, but It’s your last mission. Then you can take me back to Brooklyn” she’d answered. She wished to continue, she wanted to say more, to comfort him more— no words would come out.

“I fucking love you” he groaned receiving a soft pat on the chest as she pretended to be angry at him.

“Hey now potty mouth, that is no way to talk in front of a lady” he practically hollered with laughter at that, the sound filled with amusement and disbelief.

“There is no woman in the world that would’ve done the things you’ve done to me and still think she was a lady” he joked, the men behind them laughing along with him.

“Sargent James Barnes” her tone accusing but she couldn’t hide the way her lips curled into a smile.

They’d sat in each other’s presence for a while before she stood, finally convinced he’d fallen asleep.

“Baby?” He asked, the words quiet, whistling the air.

“Yeah?”

“When I get you back to Brooklyn, I’m going to marry you so quick”. She could feel tears springing to her eyes at his confession, a confession she hoped would come true.

She leaned forward quickly, capturing his lips by surprise in a passionate kiss. His lips moved sloppier than usual but he kept up with her.

Pulling away gently she looked into his big blue eyes, no other emotion but love swirled through them. She pecked his lips for a final time before speaking.

“Come back to me James”.

“Always”.

┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

She’d been sitting at her desk when Steve had entered, a solemn look on his face.

“Steve, hey. Everything alright?” She’d asked with a smile. She took notice of the coat and hat in his hands, her heart fell first, it knew before the rest of her did, he didn’t have to speak.

“I’m sorry” Steve choked, setting down the items in his hand and turning to leave.

His hat, his coat but not him.

Not Bucky.

┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

I’m trying to practice writing angst but it’s so harddd.

Why oh why must I want to write sadness when all I can write is smut.

Hope you enjoy.

#bucky barnes #bucky x female reader #bucky x reader #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky fanfic #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #marvel #40s bucky #fluff #angst

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captainremmington-13 · 21 days

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𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖚𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖔𝖋 𝖉𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖊𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙

show!Luke Castellan x daughter of thanatos!reader

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the image above or any of Rick Riordan’s characters/world-building.

⚠️Warnings⚠️: swearing, mentions of death, making out (not NSFW), a small argument, mention of a sexual joke but it’s not even actually said

A/N: this may be my favorite chapter so far

“I…I think you’ve got the hang of it, angel.”

“Yeah,” you laughed under your breath, wiping the sweat from your forehead. “Me too.”

You were standing in a clearing in the middle of the woods, at least a half-mile from any civilization. You were surrounded by shrubs, flowers, and grass, all of which you’d killed just by extending your hand and wiling it to die.

It had been two days since you’d first discovered this new ability. You and Luke had made it to Nevada without many problems, only encountering a few weak monsters during the train ride. You were more concerned with figuring out the powers that had randomly appeared.

Luke had been nothing but supportive. He continued to prove himself as your greatest ally, and an incredible boyfriend.

He had lead you to the quiet spot in the woods where you currently resided, doing his best to give you pointers regarding how to experiment with your powers. Neither of you had any idea what you were doing, but you assumed that if you were careful enough, you’d be fine.

And you were. You’d successfully gotten a grip on your ability, which you’d nicknamed “the death thing”. You knew that you had to channel some form of extreme emotion for it to work, whether it was anger, fear, or hatred.

If you could control those feelings, you could control your powers.

Luke walked towards you, a small smile on his face. He gave you a quick kiss, and handed you a bottle of Gatorade.

“I’m so proud of you, angel.”

You grin, taking a big gulp of the energy drink. “Thanks. Honestly, I’m pretty proud of myself too. I almost passed out the first couple of times, but I realized that if I don’t overcompensate and channel more of my power than is required, I’ll be fine.”

Luke rubbed your back gently, and took the Gatorade bottle once you were done drinking. He finished it quickly, and placed it back in his backpack. “I’ll recycle this later,” he said, most likely to himself. It was an adorable habit he had, talking to himself to ensure that he remembered things.

“So,” you leaned down and grabbed your own backpack, along with your weapon. “Back to traveling?“

Luke nodded. “Yeah, but there’s no public transport that’s going directly to where we need to be. So…”

You smiled, linking arms with him. “Let me guess. You’re gonna steal us a car.”

“Right as always, baby.”

You blushed, looking up at your boyfriend. Somehow he was cute and insanely fucking hot at the same time. You knew that he would tease you for getting flustered, but you didn’t mind.

After all, when you did something he found attractive, he would get just as lovesick.

So it all evened out eventually.

Thanks to his knack for thievery, Luke managed to steal a nice Mercedes-Benz. You made yourself comfortable in the passengers seat, flipping your boyfriend off when he called you a passenger princess.

“You’re the only one out of us two who can drive, Castellan,” you said snarkily, popping a piece of candy in your mouth. “Unless you wanna let me drive without having any practice, you’re gonna be the designated chauffeur.”

Luke rolled his eyes, but leaned over to give you a kiss. Thankfully, the light was red, or else you would’ve definitely ended up in a car wreck.

“You’re lucky I love you so much, angel,” he said, giving your thigh an affectionate pat. “I wouldn’t let anyone else boss me around like that.”

You giggled, placing your hand over his, which still rested on your upper leg. “I’m honored to be the only person who can give you orders.”

He smiled cockily. “You should be.”

It was your turn to roll your eyes. “You’re so arrogant sometimes, you know?“

“At leadt it’s warranted,” he replied, speeding up the vehicle slightly. “I mean, I am pretty fucking awesome.”

“You sound like a dork.”

He snorted. “Okay, how else am I supposed to word it?”

“Maybe something more like ‘I’m an insanely good swordsman and a dangerously hot individual.’ It’s more obnoxious, but at least it’s not as awkward-sounding.”

Luke smirked, his lips curling upwards. “Dangerously hot, hm? I can imagine you drooling over me internally. I wouldn’t mind you doing it externally, though-“

“Castellan!” you shrieked, slapping him on the arm. “What the fuck has gotten into you?”

Your reaction only made his expression more smug. “I could make a very dirty joke, but I have a feeling you’d throw me out of the car if I did.”

You shook your head, avoiding his intense gaze to attempt to subdue the heat rushing to your cheeks. “You’re impossible.”

“You love me, though.”

“Yeah, I do, unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately?”

“I’m kidding, Castellan. You know that I love you, and only you.”

Luke’s grip on your thigh tightened slightly, sending a warm shock through your body.

“That’s much better.”

________________________________________________

Several hours of driving later, you and Luke were sprawled out in the roomy trunk of the Mercedes-Benz. It was wide enough that both of you could lie down without feeling too cramped. A couple blankets covered you both, insulating the body heat you radiated.

“Luke?” you whispered softly. “You still awake?”

You heard him groan quietly, and roll over to face you.

“Yeah, angel, what d’you need?”

Maybe it was the sleepiness getting to you, but you practically melted at his caring words. “You’re not close enough to me.”

He let out a short laugh, and immediately placed a hand on the small of your back, pulling you flush against his chest. “That better?”

“Mhm,” you murmured, your body finally relaxing now that you were in his arms.

“You ok?” he asked, stroking your hair softly. “I know today was a long day, I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

“I am,” you replied. “But it was worth it. I can finally stop freaking out about the death thing. I’m just concerned that the other campers are gonna start seeing me as a monster again once they find out about it.”

“I doubt that your closer friends will,” Luke said reassuringly. “I know for sure that Annabeth and Chris will treat you the same.”

“I suppose,” you said. “I’m still gonna try to avoid using the death thing when I can. It’s pretty safe at camp, there should be no reason to use it.”

“Makes sense. And if anyone gives you shit about it, let me know. I’ll mess them up real good, I promise.”

You smiled, bring your face closer to his. He cupped your cheek, and pressed his lips with yours. The kiss was slow but heated, and you could feel the romantic tension rising rapidly. Luke’s hands, which were calloused and slightly rough from years of training, slipped under your tank top, rubbing circles on your back with his fingers. It felt so fucking good. The combination of his soothing touch and his soft lips, which were now placing kisses on your jawline and neck, was practically driving you insane.

Luke let out a quiet sigh, moving his hands down to grip your waist gently. He pulled his mouth away from your neck to whisper, “Is this okay?”

You nodded quickly. “Please, please don’t stop.”

Luke immediately resumed kissing your neck, moving down to your collarbone. Your hand wandered towards his hair, running your fingers through his curls.

For what seemed like hours, you and Luke exchanged kisses and loving touches. You swore that nothing, not even the Isle of the Blest, could make you this happy.

Finally, you felt your eyelids get heavy, and your mind become fuzzier and slower. When he noticed this, Luke removed his lips from your skin. They were slightly swollen, but as pretty as ever.

“Time for sleep, angel,” he said lovingly, pulling the blanket tighter around your bodies. “If you have nightmares, don’t hesitate to wake me up, ok?”

You hummed in agreement. Snuggling closer to Luke, you closed your eyes and let out a deep sigh.

“G’night, Luke. Love you.“

“Love you too, angel.”

________________________________________________

At the crack of dawn, you and Luke were on the road again. You only had about a day left of travel before you reached the Garden.

As you finally crossed the California border, you decided it was time to start brainstorming a plan to steal a golden apple. Winging it would be a stupid idea, especially because of the fearsome guardian that protected the magical tree.

“We could create a diversion,” you suggested. “I’ll distract the dragon, and you get the apple. Then, we flee before we get our faces melted off.”

“No,” Luke said firmly. “You’re not putting yourself in that much danger by dealing with a full-grown dragon.”

“Luke, I can handle it. Besides, I can fly, I can lead it away from-“

“You can’t out-fly Ladon. He’s incredibly fast, you’ll be killed within minutes.”

You huffed. “Why does everything in our lives have to be so damn complicated?”

Luke reached out to grasp your hand. “Angel, I understand where your frustration is coming from, trust me. But let’s try to focus on the task at hand, so we can come up with a rational plan.”

You averted your eyes from him, feeling slightly embarrassed at your small outburst. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Luke said, keeping your hands entwined. “I think it would be best for me to be the distraction. I’ll deal with the Hesperides and Ladon. Try to have a friendly conversation with them, pretending to just be interested in admiring the tree. Then, as soon as I see that you have the apple, we’ll retreat.”

“That sounds like a decent idea,” you said. “But what if we can’t retreat fast enough?”

“Then we fight.”

“I don’t like our odds. Besides, it would make Zeus and Hera very angry.”

“Since when did you care about how they felt?”

“I don’t! I just don’t want their wrath to get us killed, that’s all.”

“Fair enough.“

There was silence for a few moments, as you both struggled to come up with a better solution.

Then, you spoke.

“I’ll teleport us out of there.”

Luke let out a short bark of laughter. “Good one, angel.“

“I’m not joking. I did some research a couple months back, and my fath-I mean Thanatos can teleport. That’s how he gets around the world so quickly to collect souls. I think that if I try hard enough, I can-“

“No!” Luke snapped, making you recoil slightly. His face softened immediately, his expression molding into one of guilt. “I’m sorry, angel, I didn’t mean to yell. I just…I don’t want you dying because of a quest Hermes sent us on. You deserve to live a full life, and if it got cut off because of me-“

“Okay, okay,” you cut him off, looking down at your feet. “I get it. Forget I mentioned it.”

Luke sighed. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to lash out like that.”

“It’s fine. I know you just want me to be safe.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “But I’ll try to keep my temper under control. I don’t ever wanna take my anger out on you.”

“Me neither,” you admitted. “Especially since I know it can have some really dangerous consequences.” You rested a hand on his forearm, looking at him lovingly. “I promise I’ll try my best to avoid getting hurt, but you better keep yourself out of trouble too.”

Luke laughed, giving you a teasing smile that made your heart flutter. “Is that a threat?”

“Maybe.”

“You don’t need to threaten me to get me to listen to you, baby.“

“Oh I know,” you replied, giving him a playful grin of your own. “All I have to do is bat my eyelashes and give you a pleading look, and I have you wrapped around my little finger.”

Luke’s cheeks turned a pale shade of pink, making you smile wider. “Where’d you learn that from?“

“Lola and Layla from the Aphrodite cabin. They’ve promised to teach me all their tricks eventually.”

He huffed. “You’re gonna be the death of me one day, you know that?”

You giggled, resting your head back against the headrest of the car seat. “At least you’ll die happy then.”

Luke chuckled, glancing at the sign overhead that read 300 miles to San Francisco.

“Yeah, I’m sure I will.”

taglist: @orionspaperwork, @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @marvelescvpe, @lovingjasontoddmakemewanttocry, @louweasleymalfoy, @stars4birdie, @stargurl-battleship, @daughterofthemoons-stuff

Thank you for reading! Pls let me know what you think in the comments!!!

Ok so I decided against adding another monster fight in this chapter, I just REALLY wanted to write fluffy stuff instead💀💀I promise there will be more action in the next installment

Let me know in the comments if you want to be added to the taglist!

#luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan imagine #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #luke castellan x you #luke castellan series #pjo tv show #pjo fandom #pjo #pjo series #rick riordan #demigods #thanatos

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pricesbeltbuckle · 3 months

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Hello!!! I'm a recent follower and just wanted to say I absolutely **adore** the stuff you write and I've binged your entire blog 🥹💕 If you're up for it, could you write something with Ghost where he meets a woman who's *just like him* personality-wise (wary of strangers and untrusting)? (headcanons encouraged!) Thank you so much for all you've written so far, please keep going and have a great day! ☺️💕

Twin - Simon 'Ghost' Riley

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Violence?,Guns?,Fluff

Ghost has always been wary of strangers, he doesn’t trust anyone…But you. When he first met you he could tell, you were just like him.

So a couple years later you guys move in with each other, more so you move into his house so you can look after it while he’s deployed but when he comes home he takes you out to dinner.

He noticed what you noticed, a lady at the bar staring you down like she was telling someone something on the phone about you.

“I don’t trust-” “I know. Just ignore er’ probably talking trash. Look at those split ends.” You nearly spit out your drink as you let out a laugh you leaned over and then you heard it. A gunshot that JUST missed you.

Ghost quickly picked you up and ran to the back of the restaurant. What the fuck happened on that mission?

“I knew something was off!” “How are you not fucking terrified you nearly got shot!?!” “Dad used to be a cop, been to the shooting range a couple of times-Not the point! How the fuck do we get out of here?” Ghost rolled his eyes

“Right..There’s that window right there? If we crawl out we should be fine. Will probably take us around the back.” You nodded, “You should probably go first and also tell Price about this later…” He went out the window and reached for your hand and pulled you out and carried you down the block.

“I will tell Price, can you call an uber?” “Yeah thank god we didn’t take a car I would’ve been so pissed.” Ghost scoffed. “You’re like a mini me.” “Shut up, no I'm not..” You finished up with the uber and Ghost passed the phone and it was Price.

“Jesus, are you okay? Ghost told us what happened-” “Blonde hair…Split ends like 5’4? Brown eyes. Does that help?” “Oh-Actually yeah thank you..” You talked for 5 minutes then handed the phone back. Thank god the uber showed up, you get bored quickly.

Ghost and you like the same shows,foods,And you practically have the same emotions. It was like you were just the female copy of him. It was terrifying how accurate your emotions were.

“Si! Can you get me-” “Chips? Got it.” “Thank you!” You didn’t know how he knew but he did and you loved that.

You guys did buy a german shepard, his name is Rocky and at first Ghost didn’t want him but he trained the dog to attack on command so now he likes him.

You both love coffee. BLACK coffee. It can never have anything too sweet in it or you’ll both hate it.

Has definitely listened to all your playlists and loves them, lets you have AUX cord a lot.

One time on an undercover mission he let you drive all of them to the designated spot they needed to be able to see the target at.

“God, I hate these missions.” Soap complained and Price rolled his eyes. “And I hate you Soap, were here lower your voice!” “Okay mini Ghost.”

You glared back at him from the front seat and Ghost turned around and tried to tell him in a hand motion to shut up!!

“We can end this early and I will come back there and kill you myself.” “I-You know what my bad I’m sorry Mrs.Riley.” You turned your attention to the window and watched for the target. You liked the ring of “Mrs.Riley”

“You know what Si-” “Yes, we will look at ring’s later.” “Okay good, at that one store-” “Yes the one at the mall you like.” Soaps jaw dropped.

“You aren’t married?” “We are by paper and have been for 2 years, we just have to do an event and get rings.” Ghost spoke up and you smiled a little. You loved this life no matter how crazy it really was.

YAYYY I LOVED THIS!! MAKING AN AU FRFR!!!!!! 😻

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pikapeppa · 5 months

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Karlach/Dammon: Burning Blue

A wish fulfillment fic to answer the question: what if Dammon was the lucky guy to break Karlach's ten-year celibacy streak?

NSFW smut, ~7500 words, from Karlach's precious POV. This takes place the same night that Dammon makes Karlach very touchable again. 🥰 Read here on AO3 instead.

*****************

I’m nervous. Gods, I’m fucking nervous. No, no, don’t be nervous, Big K, you’ve got this. It’s nothing you haven’t done before! It’s just a good old-fashioned come-on, that’s all. Just a good old-fashioned invitation for Dammon to do the beast with two backs with you. No sweat, nothing to worry about, no reason to feel like your engine’s gonna thrum its way right out of your chest.

Ugh, fine, I’m nervous. I’ll admit it, all right? I’m nervous. But how can you blame me? It’s been a decade since I laid a finger on another living soul. One who wasn’t a hellspawn or trying to kill me, I should say. Yeah, the Avernus kind of laying-a-finger-on-someone is really not what I have in mind right now.

All right, there he is. I mean, of course he’s there, it’s his smithy setup in the barn, where the fuck else would be be? Shit, I’m so nervous. What if he says no? What if he doesn’t want to hit the bedroll with me? I might just crumble up into a pile of ash on the spot if he turns me down…

Ohhh, no you don’t. No more doubt. Not another negative word, you hear me? We’re doing this. Come on, soldier, shape up, be confident, all right? Just be your usual big beautiful bold badass self, just like Brynn said. Back straight, head high, tail-barb up: come on, girl, you can do this.

“Dammon! Hi! How’s the hammering going?” Nice, good start. Solid greeting, nothing weird about that.

“Karlach!” he says. “You’re back. I thought you were off to camp for the night.”

He’s smiling at me. Gods, does he ever have a nice smile. It’s like his whole face gets lit up with sunshine. And those eyes? Phwoar. I wonder if anyone’s ever told him how pretty his eyes are. Like two big blue jewels. Or like lightning turned into jewels. Wait, what’s all this nonsense I’m saying? I think I’ve been spending too much time with Gale. Ha, saying something would be a good idea right about now, wouldn’t it?

“Yeah, I’m back. I was wondering, do you — are you done for the day?” It looks like he’s done for the day. His forge is still hot, but it’s just coals now rather than a big old fire. Gods, I hope he’s done for the day.

“Yes, I’m just finishing up,” he says (yay!). “Did you need something repaired? I can rekindle the fire, it’s no problem—”

“No, no, all good. Everything’s tip-top, thanks to you. Listen, I was wondering: d’you want to have a drink with me?”

His whole face lights up, and my gods, I swear: if I had a heart, it would’ve done a fluttery thing like something from a romance book. “That sounds great. Let’s go on inside.” He hangs up his apron, and then we’re heading to the inn.

Yes! First step done, we’re off to a cracking good start! Here we go, inside the inn for a drink, just me and Dammon. How great is this? I mean, not that it’s not wonderful being with Brynn and Wyll and all the rest of those adorable little dumplings, but there’s something special to be said about being alone with just you and the person you’ve got mad horns for.

Here we are, at the door to the inn — and Dammon touches my shoulder. “Go ahead.”

He’s touching my shoulder. His hand, that strong callused hand on my shoulder. He’s touching me, he can touch me, and it’s all thanks to him. Gods, I want to ride him until the sun comes up.

Keep it together, Karlach. Stay cool until you find out if he wants this too. Ha, stay cool! I can sort of almost do that now! Enough for touching, at least, which is all I want in the world right now, and Dammon is touching my shoulder, and… and I should probably get inside the inn now.

I step inside — quick little rub of Darkmaw’s paw for luck. Ooh, Jaheira is still awake, I love her, she’s so damned cool!

Dammon leads me to one of the tables near the bar. “What can I get you? Wine? Beer? The beer is even cold, thanks to Jaheira—”

“Cold beer? Sign me the fuck up!”

He smiles — ugh, swoon! — and off he goes to the bar to find some beer. And here I am, sitting at this table, happier than the happiest clam that ever lived in the sandy banks of the Chionthar. Ha, that was a funny line! I mean, I think it was funny. I bet Wyll will, too. I’ll have to tell him about it — maybe he can add it to one of his stories!

Gods, this inn is nice: all candle-lit and quiet since it’s nighttime, real cozy-like. Perfect for telling a certain smith that he’s one of the kindest, warmest, most wonderful people you’ve ever met and that you fancy his pants off — literally, if he wants it that way. Ohh, I’m getting nervous again. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s going to be fine.

Dammon comes back and sets down two steins. “Are you all right?”

“I’m better than all right. I’m fantastic.” I lift my stein. “Cheers to you, Dammon. For everything. I really mean that.”

Another killer smile. “Cheers back to you, Karlach.” He taps his stein to mine, then brings it to his mouth, and I do the same — ohhh, beer. Cold beer, my gods, I’d forgotten exactly how good this was! I take another swallow and another — okay, honestly, I am so thirsty. And now I’m out of beer, and Dammon is smiling at me, and no, no, I can’t throw myself at him across the table, I can’t.

He chuckles and puts down his stein. “Can I get you another?”

“Naw, I’m good,” I laugh. “This was great, thanks.”

He nods and rests his elbows on the table (hellooo, rolled-up sleeves and forearms). “So what did you want to talk about? Do you have questions about your engine?”

“No, it’s not that.” No fucking way am I thinking about that right now. “I wanted to ask if, um…” Don’t be nervous, girl. You’ve got this. “You said before that I was — that I’m… touchable. Very touchable.”

Oh no, his smile’s fading. “Yeah, I did. I’m…” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’m sorry about that. Maybe I crossed a line…? This is a big — a huge deal for you, I know it must be overwhelming, the last thing you need—”

Wait wait wait! “Hang on, slow down. You think you crossed a line?”

“I… didn’t I? That’s not what you wanted to say?”

“Hells, no!” Woah, voice down, there are people sleeping in the room next door. “Are you kidding?” I say (quietly). “If that’s what you call crossing the line, I want you to cross all the lines.”

He looks gobsmacked now, which is really fucking cute. “You do?”

“Yeah, I do. I really, really do. If you want to, I mean. I don’t — I mean, I know I’m a lot of heat to handle, but I…” Fuck, my engine feels like it’s roaring. Please, gods, let him want this too. “I want to be with you, Dammon. I… It’s been so long since I was with anyone, and — and now that I can be with someone, I… I want it to be you.”

He doesn’t say anything. He’s staring at me like a fish, actually. Oh fuck, am I totally off base here? Noooo. “No pressure, though! No — I mean, if you’re not into… If I’m jumping the hatchet here, that’s totally fine, it’s not a problem—”

“No!” he blurts. “It’s not that. Believe me, Karlach, it’s not that I don’t want to. I mean — what I mean is that I…” He’s smiling again, thank all the fucking gods. “I would love to be with you, actually. I just… I can’t believe it’s me you want.”

I would love to be with you. I would love to be with you. He said that, right? Those were the words he said? Dammon the amazing smith with the amazing sinew-y hands said that to me, right? Oh shit, he’s still talking.

He gestures at me. “I mean, look at you. You’re Karlach. The Karlach, the destroyer of demons and devilspawn. You’re a hero.”

Oh my gods. Is that really what he thinks? “Wha—? Oh come on! It’s not like that.”

“It is like that,” he insists. “Haven’t you spoken to the kids? Mattis and Ide and them? I mean, I know you have, but you know they worship you, right? You’re like a goddess to them.” He looks around like he’s checking for spies, then lowers his voice. “Honestly? I think you’re better for them than a goddess, because you’re real to them. You mean something to them, Karlach. You’ve given them someone to look up to. That’s no small thing for a group of tiefling kids with no parents to look up to anymore.”

Fuck, I’m gonna cry. He doesn’t even know about Mum and Dad, and he hit the nail right on the fucking head.

He touches my hand — oh fuck, he’s not just touching my hand, but holding my hand. Turning my hand over on the table, his fingers sliding over my palm, his fingers curling into mine like he did right after he fixed me… Gods, my entire throat is full of fucking tears.

“I would love to be with you, Karlach,” he says in the softest voice. “If you’re sure this is what you want.”

Oh, hells. He’s going to make me weep. Swallow it down, soldier, gulp those tears down! “Let’s get outta here. Will you come back to my camp?”

“Actually…” Ooh, what’s this cheeky look on his face? Cute! “Would you be interested in a bed?”

What? No way! “A bed? You’ve got a claim on one of the beds here?”

“Sort of. Me and the other grown-ups have a rotation with one of the rooms upstairs. Taking turns having a little peace and privacy for a night.”

“You and the grown-ups?”

“Yeah — well, we offered to the kids, too, but they want to stay together on the main floor, where the Harpers are. Can’t really blame them, either. But anyway, um, what I was trying to say is, um.” He clears his throat. “If you’d rather use a bed than a bedroll, there’s—”

I’m already on my feet. “Bed. You and me. Now.”

He smiles — gods, that brilliant smile. And he’s on his feet too now, we’re heading for the stairs — oh my gods, he’s holding my hand again. Dammon is holding my hand, his fingers are between my fingers, how fucking nice is this? How long have I been thinking about this — no, dreaming about this? Easy, Karlach, keep those tears in your eyes.

He gives me a little smile as we walk up the stairs. “Fair warning that it was Rolan’s turn in the bed last night, so it might smell a little magical.”

What! Is that a thing? Gale and Brynn never said that was a thing! “Really? What does magic smell like?”

“Oh, no, I — I’m just joking.” Dammon smiles and rubs the back of his neck. “It was a bad joke. Sorry. Pretend you didn’t—”

I kiss him. How could I not kiss him? He’s so — oh, gods, he’s kissing me. His lips, my lips, his hands in mine, we’re — we’re kissing, we’re kissing! Dammon the smith is kissing me, and he’s… Would it be naff as all the hells if I said he was dreamy? Fuck it, who cares if it’s naff? He is gods-damned dreamy. As much as his hands are callused, his lips are so fucking soft, and I’m… I am melting. I swear, I’m melting, he’s making my lips melt apart like a hot knife in butter, he’s touching his tongue to mine… Gods, his hands though? How he uses them? This is fucking magic. His thumbs are sliding over my wrists, his palms skimming up my arms, over my shoulders, oh gods, oh gods oh gods…!

His hands cradle my neck, and his tongue slides into my mouth, and I’m — I’m… I can’t think. I can’t think, I can’t — I can just feel. I feel him: his lips his tongue his hands — how close he is, the nearness of his body to mine, I feel… fuck, I feel everything, every touch of his fingers and every stroke of his tongue, and I — he — shit, was that me? That little kitten-y sound: was that actually me? I’ve never made a sound like that in my life.

He breaks the kiss, presses his horns to mine. “Are you all right?”

I’m a puddle. I can’t talk. I just nod.

He smiles (arghhh, as if I’m not melted enough already!). “You’re burning blue,” he whispers.

Huh? “Huh?”

“You’re burning blue.” He rests his palm on my chest — oh shit, I really am burning blue. I… I’m burning blue but — but I’m not burning him!

“You’re…” My hand’s fucking shaking as I press it over his. “You don’t feel that? Not even a little singe?”

“Not even a little singe.” His eyebrows do that little mischief-quirky thing. “I told you, I’m good.”

I laugh. I can’t help it: I’m as giddy as a kid on her birthday. “Oh ho-ho, boy, you don’t know what you’re doing by saying things like that in a voice like that.” I step closer to him.

His gorgeous smile gets even bigger. “Or maybe I know exactly what I’m doing,” he says, still in that voice — oh, gods yes, his hands are on my neck again, so callused and so fucking gentle—

“Ahem.”

Fuck, Jaheira’s right behind us! “J-Jaheira! I mean, uh, ma’am!” Shit, should I bow to her? What should I do? She’s looking at me!

She smiles — the Jaheira is smiling at me! — then tilts her head. “Karlach, is it?”

She remembers my name! Snap to attention, soldier! “Yes ma’am, that’s me.”

She nods to Dammon too. “Dammon. Good evening. Let it be known that no one begrudges you your fun, but perhaps you should have it elsewhere that isn’t right at the top of the stairs. The only stairs that leads to the upper floor…?”

All right, now I’m going to melt from embarrassment. “Of course! Right! Uh, right! Uh—”

Dammon cuts me off, thank fuck. “Sorry, Jaheira,” he says. “We’ll get out of your way. Out of the way, I mean.” He takes my hand again, and I’m following him down the hall to one of the rooms: a simple little room with a nice cushy-looking double bed.

He leads me inside and closes the door. We look at each other. And we just crack up, we just totally — we’re both laughing like loons, just laughing so hard I can hardly fucking breathe. Augh, my ribs are starting to hurt, I’m laughing so hard!

“Here, sit down,” Dammon chuckles. He leads me over to the bed, and I let him guide me there.

Then I push him down and straddle him.

His gorgeous eyes get big. “Oh! Are you—”

I kiss him again — gods, he’s so delicious. Soft lips, hot tongue, strong hands: oh, I could just die for the touch of his hands. They’re circling my waist, they’re gripping my hips, they’re curling around my thighs… Fuuuck, gods, I’m sparking. Feels like everything’s sparking, like everywhere he touches is shooting with sparks, and I can’t… I can’t wait. I can’t wait anymore. I need more, I need his fucking hands, I need his hands on my skin.

I rip off my top and chuck it on the floor, and his baby-blues drop to my tits. “W-wow. I—”

I grab his collar and I shove my tongue into his mouth — fuck, his tongue tangling with mine: mm, just imagine feeling that sweet tongue in other places… Hellfire take me, I need this man more than I need air.

I climb off of him and start unbuttoning the ol’ trousers, and he grabs my hands. “Hey, hey. Easy, Karlach. Slow down. You don’t need to rush.”

Easy? Slow down? He’s kidding, right? It’s like I’ve never known the meaning of the word. “I…” Fuck, I’m breathing hard, I’m breathing so hard, and every breath feels like it’s making me hotter. Easy, Karlach, slow it down for him.

I gulp down a breath. “I hear you, soldier. But I have to tell you, I… Sometimes it feels like I’ve only got two modes: off, and on-on-on. I don’t…” Damn it, Karlach, breathe. “You might need to show me how to do this slowing-down thing.”

He smiles, and I swear, something inside of me absolutely melts. He’s got this way about him when he smiles, like his smile makes his face softer even when he’s showing his teeth, and it just… It’s such a special smile, you know? Like the way it feels when your mum watches you eating your favourite meal that she made? That’s how Dammon’s smile feels, and I swear on my life, if I still had a heart, it would be swelling up to five times its normal size.

He shifts off of the bed. “I’m happy to show you,” he says, and gods save me, he’s using that voice again. “Maybe I can start with…?” He gestures at my trousers and gives me a can-I? kind of look.

“Yes,” I say loudly. “Fuck yes.”

A big brilliant smile, and then he’s — ah, fuck yes, he’s undoing the buttons on my pants. He’s popping the buttons one by one, not even touching me as he does it, but I swear to all the gods, watching him do this is making me hotter than I’ve ever been in my life. And that includes when Zariel first put this fucking engine in my chest. No, don’t think about Zariel, forget about her.

Dammon pops the last button, then looks at me. “Can I take them off?”

“Please. Rip them off for all I care!”

He grins — gods, he’s a stupidly beautiful man. He’s pulling down my shabby trousers now, finally, pulling the damn things down over my hips and my ass and — oh. Oh my gods, oh my gods he’s kneeling in front of me this is not a drill!.

He sighs. “Karlach, you’re… really beautiful, you know that?”

He’s kneeling in front of me. Dammon is kneeling in front of me. He’s looking at me, his hand is curled around my ankle, and — oh, fuck me, his tail-barb is tracing my calf, his tail is coiling around my calf. His tail, his hand, his — even just his beautiful blue eyes on my skin: he’s seeing me, all of me, my bare fucking skin that nobody’s seen for ten fucking years.

“Are you all right?” His tail-barb strokes my knee, his hand squeezes my calf — fuck, I can’t cope with this.

I grab his shirt and pull. “Please, I — please, Dammon!”

He stands up. “What’s wrong? What can I do?”

I kiss him again. I know, I know, I keep fucking doing it, I keep sticking my tongue down his throat, but he’s so… I… Fuck, his hands are on my hips, on my back, he’s — shit, he’s stroking my shoulder blades. His fingers are tracing over my vents like it’s the most normal thing in the world to touch a woman with fucking vents in her skin, and I’m… I feel so… It’s like I’m full, my chest, my tummy, it’s like I’m so, so full — but it just reminds me of how empty I’ve been for so long. And I need him to… I need more. I have to have more. I need him to remind me of how good it is to feel this fucking full.

I grip his collar. “I need you naked. Right now.”

He laughs: argh, that laugh, how soft it is, how sweet! “I thought you wanted me to show you ‘slow’.”

“You can show me slow with your kit off.” I know what I sound like, I sound desperate as all the hells, but I do not fucking care. A river of blue heat is running through my veins, and my skin is fucking vibrating for more: more of him, more of his skin touching mine — gods, I want to slide against him like we’ve both been fucking greased.

“All right,” he chuckles. “You talked me into it.” He takes off his scarf, then starts taking off his vest, and I start working on his belt. I’m just helping, right? Just being a good old helper, that’s me. Ha, his belt is off, his vest is off, just a pesky shirt and trousers now — oh-ho, he’s a fast one with the shirt, we love a man who can strip like a fast-changer at the circus! It’s just the trousers left now. I grab for his laces —

Oh yes, he’s kissing me. His hands on my neck, his tongue so fucking sweet and slow in my mouth — gods alive, kissing is fantastic, so fucking fantastic it’s unreal. He’s pulling me close, his hands on my hips and his chest — fuuuck me Dammon, his sternal ridges are rubbing my nipples.

I can’t fucking cope. I can’t fucking cope, I can’t think, it feels so fucking good, I’m making that noise again like a hungry kitten begging for milk…

He peels his lips from mine. “See? I knew you could do it.”

“Do what?” I whimper. Yes, I whimpered like a kitten, all right? Whatever, shut up about it.

“You’re going slow,” he says in that voice. “You’re doing it right now.”

I’ve not a clue what he’s talking about. I’ve never felt less slow in my whole fucking life. “What do you mean?”

“My trousers,” he says. “You stopped trying to take them off.”

I burst out laughing. (It’s mostly hysteria, I’m fucking telling you.) “It’s not ‘cause I want to stop! I just can’t, uh…” Oh gods oh gods: his tail. His tail-barb is caressing my butt and giving me shivers — gods, what a life! When was the last time I got a shiver about anything? — oh my fucking gods, his tail is twining around my thigh.

I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I’m alive with desire, I’m so fucking alive, and all he’s doing is curling his tail around my upper thigh. But his tail is so close — he’s so close, the smooth heat of his tail curling so fucking close to where I’m burning so hot…

That kitten noise squeaks out of me again. “Dammon, please…” I stroke his chest — my palms on his chest, my fingers on the ridges of his ribs, I’m touching him. I’m pressed against him from thigh to chest, I’m pulling him closer with my tail, I’m petting the ridges of his back and his shoulder blades — ooh, he’s got wingtips!

“You have wingtips!” I gasp. “Aw, how lucky are you? My mum always said these were good luck!”

He laughs that precious little laugh. “My grandmother said the same. Said it means I’ll be able to fly in my next life.”

“Aww, I love that. Makes me extra-wish I had a pair myself.” I trace the sharp little hooks with my fingers, then keep running my hands over the ridges of his back. Damn, skin is amazing. It’s really an amazing, amazing thing, and nobody even bothers to think about how amazing it is. Skin and muscles, too, like these nice wiry ropes of muscles in his upper back and his arms… Phwoar, his arms are bloody fit. I mean, of course they are, he’s a fucking smith, but still: I didn’t realize just how damn fit he was under his clothes. And these veins in his forearms? The way they pop, and the burn scars on his forearms and his hands? He might even have more scars on his arms and hands than I do, which is saying a hell of a lot.

Hellfire fucking take me, he is gods-damned beautiful. The scars, the ridges of his spine and his sternum, the wiry muscle of his smithy’s bod — not just his body, either, but his jaw, his nose, that heart-melting jewel-eyed smile…

Oops. Embarrassing. I went totally silent while I was touching him. “Sorry. Went into my own little world for a minute there.”

Another soft laugh. “Don’t even think about being sorry,” he says, and he lifts his hand… Ohhh, he’s touching my cheek. He’s holding my cheek in his palm, just cradling my cheek like it’s a baby bird… How long has it been since I’ve had a hand on my cheek? A nice hand, mind you, not a blood-covered clawed hand trying to gouge my eyes out. Too fucking long, that’s how: too fucking long with no caring hands to touch me or hold me or hug me when things got fucking rough. But that’s all over now, thanks to Dammon. I can touch and be touched, I can kiss and be kissed, I can climb this rip-roaringly gorgeous man in front of me, and I swear to every god that’s listening that that’s what I’m going to do all night long.

I kiss him and pull him close with my hands and tail. I stroke his spine with my tail-barb, I lick his tongue like it’s the sweetest thing in all the realms, I rub myself against him like I’m some pent-up kid who doesn’t know what they’re doing yet, and it all feels fucking fantastic. And he’s touching me too, his claws scratching my neck so super-gently while we kiss, his hands on my back, my hips — wowee, his hands on my ass! I want that, yes more—!

He palms my backside and pulls me tight to his body — fuck, he’s hard. He’s hard he’s hard he’s hard, I can feel him rubbing against my ladybits through his trousers — augh he’s still wearing trousers, fuck my life upside down!

I break from his kiss. “Take your trousers off,” I beg. “Just take them off already, all right? I need them off, I can’t — I really really want them off!”

“I’ll take them off. It’s all right,” he says in this dreamy calm-soothing voice, and his tail starts uncurling from around my thigh—

Fuck fuck fuck oh my gods yes his tail is sliding between my legs. It’s — fuck, his tail, he’s petting my cunt with his tail, it’s sliding between my legs and stroking me as it unwinds from my thigh and oh my gods it feels so good, how am I supposed to survive—? “Mm ah fuck!”

His tail is gone. His arms are around me. “Was that okay?”

I am fucking gasping. “You tease,” I choke out.

He laughs, his lips close to mine. “Not a tease. I’m going to carry through, I promise.” Mmm, he’s kissing me again, he’s so fucking yummy, and he’s untying his trousers and I’m vibrating and I can hardly keep fucking still—

He pushes his trousers down and his cock is out. His cock, it’s hard, he’s hard — oh my god his cock. It’s gorgeous. I mean, it’s a cock, cocks are always a little funny-looking, I don’t know how folks who’ve got ‘em can cope with them, but Dammon’s is out and it’s gorgeous — fuck me yes he’s stroking it I want to do that.

I push his hand away, replace it with mine, and he gasps. “Ah—”

I kiss him. I’m stroking him, I’m walking him back toward the bed, he falls onto the bed and I’m climbing onto him and gasping into his mouth and stroking this thick pretty cock of his—

His hands are in my hair. “Karlach, slow down,” he gasps. “Slow down for a minute, all right?”

Fuuuck, fuck fuck, I can’t. No, I have to, I have to slow down for him. “Help me,” I beg. “I don’t know how.”

“It’s all right,” he pants, and he presses his horns to mine. “Just breathe with me for a second, okay?”

I nod. Breathe, I can do that, that’s totally something I can do. Just breathe. I close my eyes, I feel the sweet ridges of his horns against mine, I feel his breath tickling my lips because he’s breathing too, I feel — woah yes, that’s his tail. His tail-barb is tracing my lower spine, tracing lower still — eep he poked my bum!

I burst out a laugh. “You rotter!”

He laughs, too: fuck me, I adore his laugh. He’s laughing against my lips, his tail-barb is gliding down over my bum… oh fuck, it’s moving down to my thigh, around my thigh, drifting between my legs, is he going to—? Oh gods Dammon please yes!

“Yes!” I gasp — fuck, his tail, he’s petting my cunt with his tail oh my gods I’m going to explode.

“Easy, Karlach,” he whispers. His hands cradle my neck, perfect callused hands, fuck his tail is petting me, caressing me, touching parts of me that I’ve been dreaming of being touched for years — ah yes that’s the fucking spot right there, right there fuck right there yes!

“Dammon,” I mewl — yes, I fucking mewled like a cat, I’m mewling and my back is arching like I’m a bitch in heat, but really? That’s exactly what I am. I’m in fucking heat for this man. I’m burning for him, burning for more of this, burning alive with his tail petting that red-hot little button of love. Dammon’s breathing hard, too, his fingers gripping my hair and his hips moving under me while his tail-barb does its work between my legs. It’s like he’s getting desperate too, so desperate that he can’t keep still while his tail is petting me, and I love that he’s getting desperate. I want him to unravel just like I’m doing now. I want to hear him moaning, I want to see him bucking his hips for more, I want — I want him so badly, I want this so much, it’s happening right now and I still want it like it’s out of my reach. How does that make any sense? Why am I longing for something while it’s happening right now, right here, with this insanely beautiful man I’ve been fantasizing about since I first clapped eyes on him?

Oh fuck, why am I getting emotional?

He strokes my hair. “Hey, are you okay?”

Oh gods, there’s a moan to his voice already. He’s breathing hard like he’s the one being touched, like he’s the one who’s getting tail-fucked more perfectly than even my best fantasies — ah, fuck me, his touch, the way his tail is rubbing my clit just right, it’s so — he’s so, so fucking perfect, he feels so right, this feels so right: Dammon’s hands in my hair, his body under mine, his tail petting my cunt and his lips breathing into mine… My gods, I’m so… he’s so, this is, I’m… fuck, I’m so close, I’m getting closer, I’m going to fucking blow I’m going to—

Yes. Yes yes yesyesyesfuckmeican’tbreatheohmygods kiss me Dammon fucking kiss me—

His tongue in my mouth. Moaning, is that me or him? No idea, who cares, I’m a fucking inferno. Everything sparking, like lightning under my skin and scorching my throat in the best fucking way, all because of him.

His lips leave mine. His voice, husky and soft. “You all right?”

I whimper. Still vibrating. No words, can’t talk. Need him to fuck me.

He strokes my broken horn, strokes my cheek. “You’re burning blue, Karlach.”

I sure fucking am. Burning blue, burning alive in ways that I didn’t think I ever would again, and it’s all because of him. It’s all him, it’s Dammon — his sunshine smile, his jewel-pretty eyes the colour of a summer sky: I’m burning blue, all because of him.

I nuzzle his ear. “I’m going to ride you until you see stars, soldier.”

He laugh-moans. “Yes please. I’m all for that.”

He’d better be, because I can’t hold back now. I can’t do slow now. I am on, on-on-on like I’ve never been before, and I’m sitting upright on his lap and I’m stroking his cock while he grips my thighs — gods I want to taste him, I want his come in my mouth, no no I’ll save that for later, I need him inside of me right fucking now—

Fuck yes he’s inside me fuck yes. Dammon is inside of me, and he feels like fucking heaven.

He groans, and it’s the prettiest sound I’ve ever heard. “Gods, Karlach!”

I take it back: hearing my name like that is the prettiest sound I’ve ever heard. I stroke his chest — beautiful chest, beautiful ridges of his ribs — then I brace myself on his abs and start fucking him hard.

He groans, arches his neck in a way that makes me want to bite him (ha, don’t tell Astarion!): oh, my sweet fucking gods, he feels amazing. His cock is driving into me so hard, so sweet and hard that I’m making noise with every stroke, and he’s making noise too and gripping my thighs — ah, his tail, it’s coiling around my forearm in a way that makes my tummy flutter, and his eyelids are fluttering too like he’s really letting loose, which I love to see. I love seeing him like this, I love seeing him looking as good as he makes me feel, and fuck does he ever make me feel good. His thick fucking cock, the hot driving punch of it reaching so deep… Holy fucking hells, I missed this, I missed it so fucking much, and it’s so much better than I remembered. Dammon’s solid body under mine, his strong smithy’s hands on my hips and thighs, his tail squeezing my arm like the way he holds my hand, and those eyes: his beautiful eyes, the way he’s watching me under his half-lidded eyes while I ride him like my life hinges on his cock… Fuck me, did it ever really feel like this? Was it ever really this good?

Wait, wait a second: was sex ever this fucking good before?

I’m staring at Dammon now. Just staring at this kind and gorgeous man who’s filling me up within an inch of my life, and I… I don’t know that it’s ever been like this. I don’t know that it ever has been this good before. Sex is always great, don’t get me wrong, but it’s never… My gods, it’s never been like this. It’s never felt so… so close. So right. Fuck, it’s never felt as right as it does right now with him — how fucking weird is that? We’re in an abandoned inn in a place that’s been cursed to the shadows for a hundred years, and it’s somehow the most right that I’ve ever felt while being naked with another soul.

Wait, though: it gets even weirder. I’m with Dammon, an infernal smith who I might never have even spoken to if it wasn’t for the engine in my chest — the engine that’s slowly burning me alive. If I didn’t have this damned thing in my chest, I wouldn’t be here with him. We wouldn’t be here together doing this.

I’m having the time of my fucking life right now with the most wonderful man I’ve ever met because of something that’s going to kill me.

No, no no no, stop it brain, don’t think about it—

“Hey.” He’s sitting up on one elbow — no, he’s pushing himself upright and reaching for my cheek. “Hey, hey now, are you okay—”

I kiss him. I shove my tongue into his mouth and grip his neck, and I fuck him like there’s no tomorrow. I fuck him like this is it, like this is the only chance we’ll have and I have to show him how much this means, how good this is and how good it is because of him, because it’s him, Dammon: it’s Dammon’s body under mine, and his hand and his tail holding me, it’s all him, and I need him to know that there’s nothing I wanted more in this world than to be with him.

He breaks from my lips with the most incredible groan. “Ah, Karlach—”

I nuzzle his ear. “I want you so bad, Dammon. I want you more than anything.”

He groans again — gods, if only you could bottle a noise and keep it for later. “I’m all yours. I promise.”

My gods, what a promise. What a thing to say, what a thing to hear from someone who’s so fucking good. And now I don’t know what to say, my tongue’s a knot, my throat’s getting thick — gods, just fuck him already, just wring the pleasure out of him like he did for you.

I fuck him. I’m riding him hard. I’m bouncing on his beautiful cock and staring at his beautiful face while it crinkles up with pleasure — come for me, Dammon, I want you to. I really want him to, I want his come more than anything in the world, I want him to let it all go inside of me — oh yes, good boy, he’s getting even harder, he’s getting harder inside of me oh my gods fuck I know he’s going to come—

“A-ah, please, y-yes—!” He kisses me, Dammon is kissing me, his tongue thrusting into my mouth and his hand firm at the back of my neck, he’s shuddering and pulsing deep inside — yes, I can feel him giving me his come, and I want it all. I’m fucking hungry for it, for every last drop of him, every little bit of proof that this was me and him together: Dammon and Karlach, Karlach and Dammon, two hells-touched tieflings finding our little place of light among the shadows.

He breaks our kiss and presses his horns to mine again. “Gods,” he pants. “Gods alive. You are… incredible.” He laughs, this husky I’m-out-of-breath-because-I’ve-been-fucking kind of laugh, and I swear I’d give my unbroken horn to be able to hear that laugh every day for the rest of my life, no matter how long or short it is.

He leans away a little and strokes my hair. “How are you feeling?”

Gods, look at him: he’s perfect. He said I was burning blue, but I swear on my life, his eyes are incandescent. They’re the brightest, most electric blue I’ve ever seen in my life, and it’s like they’re scorching my soul, branding this amazing moment deep into me so that it’ll never be forgotten, no matter what comes next.

Fuck, I feel so full. I’m so… my chest, my throat, my entire fucking soul feels full. Oh no, my eyes feel full too, oh no — don’t do this, Karlach, don’t you dare.

“I—” Oh fuck, I’m sobbing. I’m sobbing? Why now, why?

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Come here, it’s okay.” He’s tucking my head against his neck — oh my gods, I’m falling apart. He’s hugging me, his tail is stroking my back like he’s comforting a child, which is funny ‘cause I’m weeping like a baby. No, not weeping: I’m fucking bawling. That’s fantastic, Karlach, that’s just great, let’s just bawl all over the gorgeous smith while his cock is still in me.

Okay, that’s kind of funny, but… Fuck, I can’t stop crying. It’s all just coming out now, everything, all the stuff that’s been going on: the tadpole, my engine, the shadow curse and how fucking awful it is here, Lae’zel almost dying at the crèche and Mizora being a fucking bitch to Wyll and Astarion making his snarky little jokes like he’s not dead-scared of Cazador. I’m just fucking sobbing, I’m howling for me and them and everything, and more stuff keeps coming out: Gortash, Zariel, Avernus, Mum and Dad — everything, it’s just fucking everything, it’s all the things, so much shit I haven’t cried about for years, and it’s all coming out on poor Dammon because he’s hugging me.

Dammon is hugging me. He’s just hugging me while I cry all over him, hugging me tight like I haven’t been hugged in fucking years, and I don’t know if I can stop.

I do stop, eventually, when it feels like every tear in my body is on his neck instead of in my eyes. When I finally stop crying, he speaks. “Are you all right?”

Gods be damned, his soft voice, his hand petting my back… He’s going to make me cry again. “I’m okay,” I say. “Stuffy, but okay.” I lift my head — eurgh, yep, lots of tears and snot on his neck. Real attractive, Karlach, really sexy stuff.

“Sorry.” I wipe my face real quick and start wiping his neck. “Sorry. That’s gross. I’m so sorry—”

“Don’t be sorry,” he says. “You needed that. There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Oh hells, now he’s wiping my cheeks… Did someone make this man on purpose to turn me into the world’s meltiest puddle? He’s wiping my cheeks and looking at me in that so-soft way with his beautiful soft eyes… Oh boy, I’m a goner. If I wasn’t already all fluttery for him, I’m a total loss now.

He strokes my shoulder. “Do you have to head back to your camp?”

No way. I don’t want to go back. I want to stay here with him and make this night last forever. Don’t say that, though, you’ll sound like a limpet. “I can stay for a while,” I say, all casual-like. “If you want, I mean. I — unless you have to sleep? You probably have to get up early for the forge—”

“No, no,” he says quickly. “I can get up whenever, that doesn’t matter. Either way, if you — if you don’t have to get back, maybe…” He clears his throat — aw, he’s looking shy! Why is he looking shy? “Maybe you’d like to stay the night? With me, I mean?”

He wants me to stay? He wants me to stay! “Yes! I mean—” Oh gods, I’m laughing now. “Yes. I’d love to stay with you.”

He smiles — oh gods, that killer smile. He’s going to destroy me with that smile before the night is through, I swear. “Great! That’s — that’s really great. Okay.” He laughs a little and strokes my arm. “Maybe I can take my trousers off, if that’s okay with you?”

“Your—?” I twist around on his lap to look — ha, oh shit, his trousers are down around his calves, and he’s still wearing his boots!

I laugh and climb off of him. “You didn’t take them off? Bit eager, are we?”

“Me? You didn’t give me a chance! So much for slowing down.” He’s grinning now as he pulls off his boots, and he’s so damned pretty that all I can do is smile back at him. Gods, I really am a goner.

He drops his boots on the floor. He’s totally naked now, naked and warm and perfect, and I don’t want to waste another second not touching all of that perfect naked skin.

I straddle him and wrap my arms around his neck, and he smiles and strokes my hip. “Back for a second round already? I’m game, but I’ll need a little more time.”

I press my horns to his. “Dammon, I…” No, Karlach, don’t say it. Don’t tell him what you’re feeling, it’s way too soon. It is too soon, right? It’s too soon to know if this is just lust or if it’s something more, right? Something so much more, so much bigger that it feels like it’s filling my entire damn body… I can’t know yet for sure that this is what I think it is, can I? Fuck, I’m breathing all shaky. Stop it, K, don’t cry again, just don’t.

He strokes my neck — gods, his magical hands on my skin, I can’t get enough. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “Take your time. Talk when you’re ready.”

I nod, and I kiss him. For the dozenth time tonight, I’m kissing Dammon, melting under his soft lips and tasting his tongue and feeling every inch of my skin coming to life under his hands, and I can’t be fucking bothered with talking. Who cares about words or talking or even thinking when there’s this, when there’s him? Not me, that’s for sure. All that matters is being here with Dammon, skin-to-skin with him like all my hottest dreams, and I don’t give a shit about anything else.

Tonight, I’m burning blue for him. And that’s all that fucking matters.

#karlach/dammon #karlach x dammon #heartforge #dammon bg3 #bg3 dammon #karlach #karlach cliffgate #karlach bg3 #bg3 karlach #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 fic #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fanfic #pikapeppa writes

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krmy2386 · 1 year

Text

I Hate Love Songs

Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Reader

PLEASE DON’T STEAL!!!

Be kind🙏🏻

Word count: about 1,400 😅

I did a poll. He won. Here it is❤️! Based on the Kelsea Ballerini song.

I hate Shakespeare and Gosling and cakes with white frosting

Two names in a heart-shaped tattoo

Rooster loved love. He grew up admiring the stories he heard about his father and mother’s love story. He loved romance and grand gestures. Today he stood by his Godfather’s side as he finally married the woman he loved.

As watched Maverick and Penny’s first kiss, his eyes wandered to his own love sitting in the church next to a teary Phoenix. Poor Y/N was almost physically cringing at the large display of affection. Rooster had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing.

Rooster knew he and Y/N had very different ideas of showing affection. Rooster wanted to serenade her at the Hard Deck and show off that he found the love of his life. Y/N was far more comfortable with little acts of affection. Like cooking dinner together or holding hands in line at the grocery store. She knew that they were in love, and to her that was all that mattered.

Later that night, the entire team looked on from their table as the bride and groom finished up their first dance.

“They look so happy!” Phoenix gushed.

“Yeah. They’re like Romeo and Juliet brought to life, but with a better ending.” Joked Fanboy. The whole table laughed and agreed.

Y/N couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Romeo and Juliet were idiots.” She said defiantly. Rooster just smirked to himself and thought, ‘Here we go.”

The entire table looked at her in shock.

“What do you mean?” Coyote asked, “They’re the most iconic love story!”

“I mean exactly what I said. They were idiots who put their entire families and friends through unnecessary pain, when literally all they had to do was talk to their families and they would’ve been fine.” Y/N explains.

“Hate to be the one to break this to you Doll, but their families hated each other. It was kind of a major plot point.” Said Hangman cocky as ever.

“Yes it was,” Y/N, full attention now on Hangman. “And if you read Act One when they meet at the Capulet’s party, Tybalt sees that Romeo and his friends are there, rushes off to attack them, and who stops them? Juliet’s dad. He actually mentions that Romeo is the least offensive of the Montagues and tells Tybalt to back off. If they had just talked to the Friar, then their friends, then family in that order, they would’ve been fine. Not dead.”

The entire table was silent. Hangman was speechless.

Rooster, trying not to laugh, interjected, “What she means is, Mav and Penny aren’t exactly like Romeo and Juliet. Now that we settled that, Y/N come dance with me.”

Bradley grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dance floor before she could argue.

Y/N tried to look annoyed, but her facade dropped as soon as she saw Rooster’s adorable smile. He was so happy.

“Sorry if I offended your friends.” Y/N said completely sincere. She knew she could come off a bit much sometimes.

Rooster actually let out a laugh that time.

“Don’t be! Their faces were priceless!” He said almost proud of how confidently she defended her opinion.

Y/N shrugged, “I guess. I just feel like I sucked the happiness from the table. Like they were all on some ‘wedding day high’ and I killed their buzz.”

“You’re over reacting.” Bradley tried to assure her.

“Oh really?” She asked, “ Then why are they all staring and whispering?”

Rooster, tactful as ever, spun around to see that Y/N was right. The entire team was looking at them like they had two heads.

“They just,” he started then sighed, “they just don’t understand us.”

Y/N looked in to Bradley’s eyes and smiled.

“I know they don’t.” She said. “It’s hard for me to comprehend sometimes too.”

“What?” Rooster asked.

“Just how much I love you.” Y/N said smiling.

I hate pink hearts with glitter and Valentine's dinner

And roses just die in a week

We were drunk when we met so we don't know our anniversary, woops

“What are we doing here again?” Hangman asked.

Truthfully he wasn’t really listening earlier when Rooster offered Starbucks to whoever would go with him for an errand. He just heard the promise of decent coffee.

“I need to get a gift for Y/N. It’s important!” Rooster said, regretting ever asking for help.

Hangman snorted a laugh, “What’d you do? For get your anniversary or something?”

“Hard to forget when you don’t have one.” Rooster said bitterly.

“What?” Hangman asked, “Bradshaw I may not be the expert on relationships but I do know that everyone of them has a start date.”

Rooster sighed, he hated that Hangman was technically right. “We have a start date. The problem is we were both very drunk and we don’t technically remember it.”

Hangman couldn’t contain his laughter, “Finally something to prove you two don’t have a perfect relationship!”

His words caught Rooster by surprise. He thought everyone wrote them off. Even Phoenix asked him how serious they really were. She claimed that Y/N ‘didn’t act like she even liked him.’

“You really think that?” Asked Rooster.

“Well, yeah.” Hangman said as if it were obvious. “Look Bradshaw, based on what I’ve heard, you two may not act like your parents but y’all definitely act like mine. My dad wasn’t a real touchy-feely person and my mom most definitely is. They balanced each other. Like you and Y/N do.”

Rooster thought he was hallucinating. How was Hangman the one who understood them the best?

“Thanks Seresin. That means a lot.” Rooster said, genuinely.

“Don’t get used to it, Bradshaw.” Hangman jokingly replied, “Now, let’s find your girl a non-anniversary gift.”

I hate love songs

The old and the new

I hate love songs

But I love you

When Bradley suggested they pick a day and declare it their anniversary, Y/N was apprehensive.

She had no problem with the idea of an anniversary. She just didn’t think it was necessary to pick one at random. She knew that they would have one eventually. They two had spoken at length about getting married and their future together. So why randomly pick one instead of just waiting for the real one.

Once she saw how excited Bradley got at the idea of celebrating, she decided to try to embrace it and make it the best she could.

They stayed home, Y/N’s choice, and then went to bakery to pick out cupcakes before driving down to the beach for a late night picnic, Bradley’s choice.

What she wasn’t expecting was a fully set up cabana tent, candles and fairly lights. She should’ve known he’d do something a little extra.

The two sat together on the beach and ate their desserts.

“This is perfect!” Y/N said leaning on Rooster’s shoulder.

He just smiled. ‘Nailed it!’ He thought to himself.

“But,” Y/N started, causing massive confusion to cross Rooster’s face, “there are still gifts!”

Y/N handed Bradley a small box.

Bradley tore into it like a kid on Christmas.

He was stunned by what he saw.

“I thought I lost these!” He shouted, “You tricked me!”

Y/N busted out laughing.

“I know! I know! I’m sorry!”

They were Rooster’s, well technically Goose’s sunglasses. They were horribly scratched, and broke one day at training. Bradley was distraught. She had them sent off to a special repair shop to restore them.

“They should be back in all of their 1980s glory.” Y/N stated proudly.

Bradley slipped them on and grinned, “They’re perfect! Thank you!”

He leaned in and gave her a quick peck.

“Now your turn!” Bradley was so excited he almost threw Y/N her present.

Y/N carefully opened the box to reveal a locket that had the outline of a rose etched into it.

“You say not to get you flowers since they just die so I found a way to get you one that won’t.” Rooster explained.

“And if you open it,” Bradley reacher for the necklace, “There’s my favorite picture of us.”

It was from Maverick and Penny’s wedding. Fanboy and Payback were incredibly drunk and dared Rooster to kiss his own girlfriend. Ameilia happened to get a picture of it.

“I love it,” Y/N could feel the tears coming, “Put it on me?” She asked.

Rooster helped fasten the delegate necklace and place a kiss to her neck.

Y/N turned around and gently grabbed Rooster’s face. “I love you Bradley Bradshaw. More than anything.”

It was Bradley’s turn to get teary-eyed, “I love you to Y/N! More than you could ever imagine.”

TAG LIST- Thank you for the encouragement❤️

@luckyladycreator2

@b-bradshaw

@t-rexs

@rosiahills22

@vienna1644

@timbradfordsboot

@blue-aconite

@barbiegirlbaby

@ahopelessromanticwritersworld

@wanniiieeee

@insomniac23

@xinsonyax

@goawayi-mreading

@daughterofthereaper02

@a-reader-and-a-writer

#bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x female reader #rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster imagine #rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw x oc #top gun maverick #rooster top gun #hangman top gun #thank you #jake hangman seresin #top gun

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bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky · 2 years

Text

House Call | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Hi, friends! I've been wiring a lot of angst lately, so here's a nice fluffy one for you :)

If you like my stuff throw me a reblog 🥰

Warnings: fluff, mentions of medication, sleepy Bucky

------------------------------

A quaint, adorable cabin appeared almost like magic as Bucky turned down a private dirt road. The house sat secluded beneath massive sycamore trees, their leaves aglow with the colors of fall. The whole thing seemed too good to be true, too picturesque to even be real. Neither you nor Bucky could believe that Clint had such a gorgeous place, or that he was nice enough to lend the house out for the long weekend. But he’d done so without hang ups- except one.

He made you promise that your trip wouldn’t include sex on the kitchen counter of his vacation home. “Oh, come on!” Bucky elbowed Clint in the ribs, “I’ve been looking forward to kitchen counter sex for weeks!”

But after the four-hour drive, neither you nor Bucky felt like doing the deed. You’d left right after your final meeting of the day, hoping to beat the rush hour traffic- with no such luck. The two of you sat in a bumper-to-bumper nightmare that seemed to last an eternity. People honked and cursed at each other as tempers flared, but you and Bucky were in your own little world. With anyone else at the wheel, you would’ve been fed up after the first hour.

But being with Bucky only brought you happiness, even if you were trapped in gridlock traffic. You’d been missing him terribly lately, seeing him less and less as things with the Flag Smashers came to a head. But now that the situation had calmed down, Bucky was all yours.

“Hey- gimme that”, Bucky narrowed his eyes at you with faux-annoyance and snaked your bag from your hand, “I got it, sweets”. You rolled your eyes at him like you always did, but his chivalrous tendencies made you feel special. He always insisted on carrying your things and offering you his coat as though it were still 1940. And you let him. You loved his sweet, old-fashioned nature. He was thoughtful and polite, and always always put you first.

“Thanks, Buck”. Pressing up on your tiptoes, you left a kiss on his cheek, “Such a gentleman.”

Like always, Bucky opened the door for you and insisted you enter first. When Clint had described the place as “charming”, he wasn’t kidding. It was cozy and warm with a welcoming air that drew you in immediately. Soft blankets, warm wood, and a massive brick fireplace combined to create a perfect getaway. An overwhelming sense of comfort wrapped you in a hug as you thought about sipping hot cocoa by the fire with Bucky. Laura had obviously furnished the space with heaps of love, and managed to create the perfect space for a long weekend away.

“Oh my god, this place is adorable”, you turned to Bucky, excitement setting your eyes alight. “Can we live here? I think we should live here. I don’t think Clint will mind”.

Bucky covered his face and let out a booming laugh, “yeah, doll. I think Clint would love that.” He couldn’t wait to spend a few uninterrupted days with his best girl in the secluded cabin. He missed you so much that it actually hurt. Being away for so long caused a physical ache in his chest that he swore would kill him if he spent one more day without you. He wanted to curl up in front of the fire with you in his arms and make up for all the time he’d spent without you by his side.

“How about we change into comfy clothes and get the fire started? Let’s get cozy, Sarge”. You shot Bucky a wink and snatched your bag from his shoulder, “I’ll be back in a sec”. Once you located the perfectly decorated master bedroom, you dug through your bag for your pajamas. Nothing sounded better than shedding your work clothes and slipping into something comfortable. These days, your sleepwear consisted of old shirts of Bucky’s, and Bucky was more than happy to give them to you. He loved seeing you wear his clothes. It made him almost as happy as his dog tags resting around your neck.

He’d been nervous to give them to you at first, fearing it was maybe too old-fashioned. But you’d accepted them without pause and threw the chain around your neck before Bucky could even blink. From then on, he never saw you without them. They rested comfortably on your chest no matter the occasion- you wore them proudly.

Just as Bucky knelt in front of the fireplace, your voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Shit shit shit shit shit,” he heard you mutter from the bedroom. Instant alarm set him on high alert. He flew to the bedroom with his heart in his throat, fearing he’d find you in a pool of your own blood. But when he finally burst through the bedroom door, there was no blood in sight. You sat on the edge of the bed with your bag on your lap, your hands digging through it with like a dog in search a buried bone.

“Is everything alright, doll?”

“What?” Your head snapped in Bucky’s direction, “Oh, yeah. I’m good”. You forced a smile to your face that made your cheeks ache, but Bucky saw right through you.

“Are you sure about that, sweets? Cause you just said ‘shit’ like eleven times.”

With a huff, you conceded. “It’s fine- it’s not a big deal. I just forgot one of my meds, that’s all.” You threw Bucky an overly casual shrug, “my bad”.

But Bucky wasn’t going to allow you to downplay the issue, “Which one?”

“The one for my anxiety. But it’ll be fine. We’re only gonna be here for four days- missing those doses won’t kill me.” Once again, you diminished your problem. Bucky knew how important it was for you to remember to take your meds, and how shitty you’d feel if you missed four days’ worth.

“But isn’t that the pill that gives you, um…the brain thing? When you don’t take it, I mean. It gives you ‘brain buzzes’?”

Regardless of your situation, you couldn’t help but laugh. Bucky was just so sweet, so innocent and cute. “Close!” you laughed, “Brain zaps. I get brain zaps if I go without it for too long.”

Bucky‘s brow furrowed. He’d been with you long enough to know that four days without your medication was plenty of time for the brain zaps to set in. Thousands of thoughts crowded his mind as he tried desperately to find a solution to the problem, but you were in the middle of nowhere, four hours from home. He couldn’t run to the apartment and grab your pills or pop out to CVS and speak with a pharmacist about getting you four days’ worth of meds. All he wanted was for you to enjoy your little getaway, but the brain zaps threatened to ruin everything.

“Buck, you’re getting all worried. I can see it in your jaw…” You took Bucky’s face in your hands and gently massaged the tight muscles in his jaw until he finally released the tension. “This isn’t something to get upset about, I’ll be fine. I can push through! I went like two weeks without my meds once- I’ll live through four days.”

Bucky’s arms wound around you as you leaned into his body. He was always so good to you, so dedicated to taking care of every little thing. He wanted every moment you spent together to be more perfect than the last, and if you were going to be miserable without your meds, he needed to find a way to fix it.

A strong yawn took hold of you as you flicked your eyes toward the clock. “Come on, Buck. Let’s just go to sleep, okay? It’s late and we’re both tired- we’ll do fun cabin activities tomorrow”.

Regardless of the worry settling in Bucky’s stomach, he couldn’t help but smile when he saw you in your pajamas. You looked so perfect in his shirt, and his dog tags peeking out from beneath the collar was almost too much. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have you. When he’d finally made you his, he promised himself that he’d do everything in his power to make you as happy as humanly possible- and he was determined to keep that promise.

“I’m so glad we did this”, you crawled into bed and dropped a light kiss to Bucky’s lips. “You need a vacation. And I- I’ve really missed you…”

Bucky pulled you in close to his body, wrapping you in his strong, protective arms. Each time the world needed saving, it robbed him of his time with you. And while he hated the Flag Smashers for a long list of reasons, depriving him of his best girl took the number one spot.

“I know, sweets. I hate that I was away for so long, and I know I didn’t get to talk to you much while I was gone…” Bucky sighed as a twinge of guilt crept into his chest. He did his very best to communicate with you when he could on long missions, but free time was hard to come by. And if someone tracked his phone to get his location, he’d be dead before you’d even read his text.

“Buuuuuuuuuck…” you almost nagged him. You wriggled free from his grasp and took his face in your hands, pulling him so close that the tip of his nose brushed yours. “You don’t have to apologize- I know what to expect when you’re working. The only thing I care about is that you come home safe.”

Bucky’s forehead fell against yours, and his eyes fluttered shut as you ran your thumbs over his sharp cheekbones. These were the moments he missed most. Of course, he missed your museum dates and the long, sensual showers you shared- but nothing could quite compare to this. He missed the quiet intimacy. He missed hearing nothing but the sound of his heart and yours, beating almost in sync. Being away from you always knocked Bucky off-kilter, leaving him feeling eschew and unbalanced until he saw you again.

“I know, doll. I just- I want you to know how much I miss you when I’m gone. I don’t ever want to leave you- my job is just…different.” Bucky knew he could never make it up to you- all the time away and the days or weeks spent without contact. He knew he nearly stopped your heart every time he came home slick with blood and nearly dead.

“I know it’s hard on you, doll”.

“It’s hard on me? Buck, I’m not the one saving the world-”

“But you worry the entire time I’m gone. And then you worry when I come home hurt. And I know you’re always wondering when I’ll have to leave next. It takes a lot out of you.” Bucky knew you too well. He saw right through the casual shrug you threw his way, the small smile that tried and failed to hide just how emotionally exhausted you were.

He knew just how hard you worked to keep things together while he was away. If the situation were reversed, he’d be incapable of carrying on as he waited for you to return home. But you managed to keep a brave face, to support him and care for him in a way he never imagined.

Bucky never let an opportunity to express his gratitude pass, “I just want you to know that I notice. And I appreciate you- so much, baby.”

Without words, you migrated your head down to his chest. If Clint allowed it, you’d permanently move into this quiet, cozy cabin with Bucky. The two of you would live out your days in the warm peace of the deep forest and the crackling fire.

“Well, I love you, Buck. I’d do anything for you…” And with that, you drifted off to sleep. Having Bucky all to yourself in the safety of the small cabin set your anxiety as ease, ushering you to rest. For the next few days, you didn’t have to worry about Bucky’s next mission- or whether it would be his last.

Bucky smiled down at you as his fingers gently weaved in and out of your hair. “I love you, too, doll”, he knew you couldn’t hear him, but never dared ignore a chance to tell you. He laid like that for a long while, just admiring your serene expression and your sleepy sounds.

Just like you’d said, you’d do anything for Bucky. And he’d do the same for you. And so, with you lying fast asleep on top of him, Bucky made his move. He slowly snaked himself out from under your body, careful not to wake his best girl. He haphazardly threw on his clothes and laced up his boots before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead- a kiss that held a wordless promise to return before you woke. A strange appreciation for his Winter Soldier training cropped up as he stalked through the cabin and arrived at the car without making a sound- at least it had been good for something.

It was only a four-hour drive to the apartment- and that was with traffic. He figured he could make it there, grab your meds, and return to the cabin before you even stirred. He could then slide back into bed with you, satisfied that the brain zaps wouldn’t prevail.

But he underestimated just how tired he was, how long and winding the back roads near the cabin really were. And the drive simply wasn’t the same without you. He missed holding your hand and kissing at stoplights, listening you sing along to one of the many playlists you made him. But the dark, quiet ride was worth the exhaustion and boredom. He needed this long-awaited weekend to be perfect. He knew you’d been white-knuckling it for a while, watching from the sidelines as things with the Flag Smashers boiled over. You deserved to enjoy yourself.

Bucky sped through the night, determined to get you what you needed before sunrise.

Morning light bathed the bedroom in a golden glow, gently rousing you from your sleep. But you weren’t ready to get up just yet- you and Bucky promised to sleep in this weekend. With a quiet groan, you rolled away from the sun’s annoying rays, and planned to bury your face in Bucky’s chest. But after scrounging around with closed eyes for Bucky’s safe embrace, your search turned up empty. The sheets were cold and the room quiet, completely void of the quiet whirring of his arm.

“Buck?” you called into the quiet house, but received no reply.

A familiar dread settled into your chest as you crept through the silent cabin. It didn’t happen often, but there were times in the dead of night that Rhodes or Agent Hill needed Bucky last minute. They’d land a jet nearby and abduct him from your side- at least, that’s how it felt. He’d leave you a handwritten note in his sloppy, scrawling cursive, always saying that he didn’t want to wake you. He’d give you all his love and apologize for leaving yet again, and with a broken heart, you’d add his latest letter to the pile.

As you moved through room after room, you still hoped for the best. “Bucky?” you called again, struggling to keep it together. And just as you resolved that he’d left in the middle of the night to go save the world, a quiet whirring caught your attention. The sound instantly granted you peace.

You rushed around the corner and into the living room, only to discover a sleeping Bucky. He lay slumped in an armchair snoring quietly and wearing one unlaced boot. The other sat abandoned on the floor next to his car keys and jacket, painting a very strange picture. But as you struggled to make sense of the scene before you, a small orange bottle caught your eye.

An all-encompassing warmth eclipsed your senses as you stared down at him- the kindest person you’d ever known. Bucky’s massive hand gripped the anxiety meds you’d left behind, safely holding them to his chest. He was just too good- too sweet, too thoughtful, too selfless. No one had ever cared for you like this. No one had ever made you feel so loved, so seen. Bucky offered you all of his love, all of himself. He hated being away from you, but devoted all of his time to you when he was home. And this weekend trip was no different. It was his life’s mission to take care of you, and he’d done just that.

“Buck…” you whispered, “Bucky, baby, wake up”. Your hand cupped his cheek and traced his cheekbone with your thumb, pulling him gently out of his slumber.

He blinked a few times as he struggled to orient himself in the unfamiliar space, but your touch brought him all the clarity he needed. “Hey, sweetheart. Good morning…” he leaned into your touch and granted you a sleepy, dopey smile. Nothing was ever as cute as Bucky in the morning, with his disheveled hair and tired eyes.

“I um, I got you this…” Bucky presented you with your bottle of medication, “I didn’t want you to have brain zaps”.

Sometimes, Bucky was unbelievable. He was too good to be true. But he was true, and he was yours. “This is so- thank you. Thank you so much. You’re always so good to me.”

“I just wanted you to have a perfect weekend,” Bucky dropped his head forward, resting it against your abdomen.

“With or without brain zaps, this is already the perfect weekend. All I want is to be with you, Buck”. You ran your hands gently through his hair, scratching your nails gently against his scalp. “But I can’t thank you enough for this. You didn’t have to…but I really really appreciate it.”

Bucky gazed up at you with a love drunk grin. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy and safe and comfortable. He’d drive eight hours in the dark every night if it would make you smile. He always felt like he dropped the ball, like he was abandoning you to do SWORD’s dirty work. But the look on your face said everything he needed to hear.

“Here, let’s get you to bed”. With a gentle tug, you pulled Bucky’s remaining boot from his foot. “What, did taking off the first one tire you out? Was that the straw that broke the camel’s back?”

Bucky’s groggy laugh came out a low rumble, “yeah, guess so. I was just gonna get back in bed with you, but… you wouldn’t believe how tiring it is to take off a shoe”.

With both of Bucky’s feet free from their boots, you helped your super soldier from his armchair. And even though Bucky was the one who’d only slept for a total of half an hour, he insisted on carrying you to bed. His strong arms held you close to his chest, pressing your body against his heartbeat. You knew the sound so well it sometimes felt like your personal metronome.

Bucky stripped out of his clothes and finally crawled into bed with a deep sigh of relief. He’d thought about this moment from the second he pulled away from the house. “Get over here, Barnes”, you offered your arms to Bucky and allowed himself to rest his massive body atop yours. His head fell against your sternum and before you knew it, you’d both drifted off to sleep. You remained locked together for a long while, making good on your promise to sleep in.

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mytragedyperson · 7 months

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Thoughts I had while reading TCF chapter 10

The idea of little 5 year old Raon Miru being so desperate to escape his tormentors that he cuts into his own life force still makes me so incredibly sad. The idea that in canon there’s a world where Raon Miru not only died, but was killed by Choi Han. Can you imagine if Choi Han found out that this could’ve happened. I don’t think he’d ever forgive himself even if Raon 100% would. God this book has some sad moments, but even the novel within the novel is so sad. I know that’s a doomed world but this is actually insane. I also feel like this book does a really good job of exploring the butterfly effect or something similar. Literally one person changed, was transmigrated into the world, but because this Cale was different he made different choices, and each small choice he made, caused another change, some smaller than others, but all ultimately leading to their victory. Let’s talk about how him saving Raon changed a lot. For one thing, I don’t think, without him, he would’ve known Alberu was a dark elf. He might’ve been told or found out, but it would’ve taken longer, and he might’ve reacted differently. Because he had Raon, he knew Alberu was using magic to change his appearance, and had an aura or something that was different to the rest of his family. Then, in the forbidden forest, Raon recognised the dead mana or something, so when he next met Choi Han, he told Cale or something. Sorry, I’ve not gotten to that point in my reread yet so I might be misremembering but that was the gist. But his lack of a bad reaction to Dark Elves, allowed him to meet and form some sort of alliance and bond with them, while also improving the bond he had with Alberu. And there are so many other times where Raon or one of the kids were helpful, and The Birth of A Hero world didn’t have them. In fact, that could’ve been the start of the world being doomed, those kids, and Taylor, and Paseton dying. Just by bringing Kim Rok Soo to this world, things changed, but he had no real way of knowing, when he saved these people, the impact it would have, the knowledge it would give them. He just didn’t want to see kids, or anyone else, suffer. And just by refusing to let people suffer or die if he could help them, he gained allies, and resources, and information that they didn’t have in The Birth of a Hero, or if they did, they learned it too late. The fact that having one person change, the fate of the world changed. Each small choice, each small change, each time he does the thing he decides to do, it leads to a much bigger change and a much bigger impact later on, even if just because now all these people he’s helped have a common ally that they trust and respect. God I could and probably will go into more detail about this later on, but yeah. Moving on for now.

Also Choi Han was right that the dragon’s eyes being full of pain and sorrow but its mouth still smiling is sad. This is his first time being outside the cave he was kept on, he’s seeing the world for the first time, but he’s lost his rationality. He’s happy to be free but he hurt and lost himself in the process. And then you imagine Raon Miru (that means happy dragon, right?) the same adorable little dragon that threatens to kill everyone and destroy everything if anything happens to Cale. It’s heartbreaking, that’s heart breaking. Cale needs to hug Raon extra tight for me because he deserves all the love and affection, plus extra for the version of him that never got any.

I’m so happy Cale went out of his way to save Raon. Like, he didn’t have to do that, he chose to and it was the right thing to do, but so many other people would’ve probably not cared. This is another example of Cale being a good person and refusing to admit it. Let’s keep note of that, misunderstandings, every time someone just doesn’t question something, honestly everything, let’s just keep a note of everything. It’s not even like he can say this is selfish because he doesn’t plan to keep him, he literally gains nothing from this if everything goes according to plan, and he doesn’t care, he does it anyway. Also him saying that he can use the kids to justify adopting them will never not be funny, adorable and kinda sad, because he can’t admit, even to himself, that he just wants to keep them around.

I forgot this was still the interview scene. Damn, a lot of shit is mentioned in this scene, like from the scene with Hans before the interview to the end, we get a lot of information.

Also, the interview being about whether Choi Han can protect people and then the job actually not requiring him to. Beautiful. That thing I said yesterday about the interview scene being good for Choi Han because it gives him someone who believes in him and respects him still stands. But his first job more or less being an escort mission of find and bring these two people to me, with the two people being capable of protecting themselves? It takes the pressure off Choi Han to have to protect them and builds his confidence and belief in himself, while also providing him with a support system of some sort. And Cale doesn’t intend for this but it happens. And the fact that Choi Han, not only succeeds in the job, but also helps save the other wolf children? That probably did wonders for his confidence, for his belief in himself. Ugh, it’s so good.

Also, Cale claiming in his thoughts, to himself that he’s just gonna let Choi Han, Lock, and Rosalyn deal with the terror incident, only to make a whole plan to stop the attack. He’s so good at scamming people he even scams himself. That’s beautiful.

And then he makes it a secret between just them. He’s essentially telling Choi Han he trusts him with this more than anyone else. No wonder he can never get rid of Choi Han after this. And the best part is he doesn’t even realise he’s doing it, he doesn’t know the impact it has on Choi Han.

Also Choi Han is just kinda precious in a way I can’t explain. Like he seems like he needs a hug, but specifically a hug from Cale and his kids and Rosalyn and Lock. Tbf the entire Calefam kinda needs a hug.

Also for some reason I just got the image of early days!Hans hearing from Deruth he has to give Cale more money and just cursing in his head the entire time he goes because what is he even doing with all this money? He’s not spending it all on alcohol, he’s not drunk enough for that? He hasn’t been back to Billos’ shop and then remembering hearing from someone that Beacrox saw him buying a fuckton of bread and medicinal herbs and going into the slums and being like did he really spaen that much money on bread? How much bread did he buy to be spending that much money? Also why does Deruth give him his allowance in gold coins and cheques exclusively? No wonder he doesn’t wait for change and just says keep it, that would be a bitch to figure out for everyone involved. Also I’ll be honest I don’t get how cheques work in general but, like, he goes to three different bakeries for bread, and I know he paid for that with coins, was that first gold coin for the rest of the week? It was, right? Because otherwise my question was gonna be how does using a cheque at 3 different places work but the answer to that is it doesn’t, right?

God I love Ron just tormenting Cale with lemon things. And then he gets Beacrox and I believe later recruits Hans to help keep it going even when he’s not there? Or maybe Choi Han? I can’t remember who but I know he told someone to do it while he was looking for information on Arm. Maybe one of the kids? That would explain why he didn’t just say he doesn’t like lemon things. I don’t know. I’ll revisit this when I rearead that bit and remember who it was. Ron’s already admitted he knows something’s up. I feel like this is an attempt to figure out why he’s changed at first and then it just becomes their thing.

Also his plan to foist everyone off on Choi Han has already failed because Choi Han already knows he’s not leaving Cale, not if he can help it. So, sucks for Cale but, sorry, you’re already stuck with the troublesome people. But in all seriousness that’s probably for the best because they all need each other.

I’ve finally finished this chapter. I’ll be back with my thoughts with my thoughts during chapter 11, if I have any.

#tcf novel #tcf #trash of the count's family #lcf #lout of the count’s family #calefam #cale is a good person #cale henituse #choi han #deputy butler hans #raon miru #calefam needs a hug #choi han needs a hug #raon miru needs a hug #oblivious cale henituse #cale henituse in denial #ron molan #beacrox molan

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pumpkinpie59 · 7 months

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while everyone likes to crap on leo/rai (for good reason) and on apritello for being cringe ig

i feel like one thing every 2012 ship has a problem with is pacing

yes i mean every ship

it’s clear that the 2012 writers don’t rlly know how to commit to romantic subplots so they either go the “they are super into each other right off the bat so there’s little build up” angle or the “will they won’t they,, but we’ll never show them actually get together” angle

i’m not saying these are atrociously bad or anything but it can be really annoying in the long run

apritello is the entire reason i got into 2012 when i was 11 lmao so it got stale for me when the show focuses less and less on their development since they didn’t want to commit to an actual subplot after the bigfoot fiasco. they both grow, sure, but it’s pushed to the background and we never see them talk about it. instead we get a kiss in a non-canon music video ://

dw apritello i still love you

with ramona, while it’s incredibly sweet how in love they are, the pacing of their first episode was ,,,, bad lol. the first time i watched it i was so underwhelmed i was like,,, this gets better?? right?? and it did but yeah i think that first episode for sure needed tweaking.

and more mona would’ve been great too. she needed some character exploration outside of her relationship with raph,, like having her talk more with the other characters her age (i would kill for april and mona content). i’m not saying she doesn’t have depth. she does. but a lot of it gets pushed to the background for her dynamic with raph.

they just didn’t even try with mikey and renet i’ll be real. they threw renet in there as a love interest and then kept making her and mikey kinda go in circles with their interest in each other. they’ll be cute and close in some scenes and then renet will act like she’s just humoring him while mikey kinda forgets about her when shini shows up.

i think renetangelo is cute to some extent (tho i do dislike 2012 mikey a bit so that doesn’t help) but time travel romances are automatically rlly hard to write well and since 2012’s romance writing is already messy, they weren’t going to do well. and renet herself is automatically more interesting when she’s not interacting with mikey. like her platonic dynamic with leo?? adorable. my favorite renet is 2003 and she’s not a love interest and she’s so charming!! renet is just a fun quirky friend of the turtles.

y’all know i love a lot of tmnt love interests so the fact that i prefer renet as a friend prolly says a lot about how she should be written gjdkdk

i don’t wanna talk about leo/rai much, but other than the glaringly bad i/ncest issue (both siblings and cousins), they just weren’t very good as a romantic dynamic either?

like yeah i’m biased bc lotus is the only leo love interest i will ever accept (and also leo/rai is gross lol)

but like ,,, with karai, leo saw her as an escape from being a leader so he can explore his rebellious streak. which is interesting! but unlike with lotus, leo was willing to betray her behind her back, and karai was willing to manipulate him to do what she wanted him to. but okay that’s getting off topic. back to the pacing,,

season 1 gets a pass for me since i actually love the pacing of season 1 alone (like honestly, after the cousin reveal, there wasn’t any romance up until season 2 from my memory,, and even before that after karai betrayed leo and the other brothers found out, leo wasn’t into her,, it was his brothers who were making fun of him), but afterwards, season 2 onward,the timing of leo/rai moments were always a slap in the face bc they were always. ALWAYS. right after they acknowledged her as family THRJEKSJDJDKSK

but yeah i think pacing is the worst problem of 2012 ships :p

obviously some other problems too, like sexism lol. but pacing is most glaring for me

#im ranting idk #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #pumpkin stuff #tmnt ships #apritello #apriltello #tmnt ramona #raphmona #renetangelo #shiniangelo #shinangelo #anti leorai #i aint actually tagging the ship yjdjdjsk

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chenfordspiral · 1 year

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A Chenford Thesis on 5x10

Hi, hello. It’s me again! I’ve taken my time with this one because the creative juices just wouldn’t quite flow the way they often did with my little essay for 5x08. I’m surprised I actually managed to get this done before 5x18 ultimately kills us all. That might’ve actually given me the necessary push to finish this because I know I won’t be able to focus after Tuesday.

Kinda surprised I wrote this at all. Because I was not planning on writing anything but the thing for 5x08. But here we are. You've all given me enough reason to get over my fears and just do this.

So, let’s get started.

Previously on The Tim&Lucy Show – uhm, I mean, The Rookie: Tim asks Lucy out on a date after they’ve finally admitted their feelings for each other.

That can only mean one thing now: Date night is finally here!

I love everything about this opening scene. I never would’ve expected to get a rom com like montage of Lucy and Tim stressing over what outfit to wear for their first official date.

I get giddy every time I see this scene, seriously.

They’re such different people, but in this moment, they do the same thing. They’ve cleaned out almost their entire closets trying to find the right thing to wear. Tim’s wearing the same pants the whole time, but cannot for the life of him decide on the right button down.

Meanwhile, Lucy has pulled out all the dresses she’s worn that signify important moments in their journey. The green dress from Angela & Wesley’s first attempted wedding when Tim asked her to save him a dance before it all went to hell but also gave us one of the most significant Chenford moments that had them realize there might be something more between them (I love that hug).

The dress from the horrendous double date with Blondie and the WIP, where they spent the entire time talking to each other instead of their dates.

And then the dress she wore to Nyla’s wedding when they finally had that dance he still owed her and told her she’d be the arresting officer on future reports (she’s always been more important than his career).

But none of those dresses are right for this occasion. It’s time to pick something that’s new. Because this is a new beginning. She just can’t decide which outfit she likes best.

And then there’s our boy Timothy again. He’s finally frustrated enough to stop trying on different shirts and gets his phone. I don’t know what I expected, but not what happened next.

Because I never would have imagined that Tim Bradford would stress so much that he would need to call his best friend to calm himself down. And said best friend just happens to be the woman he’s going out with.

Yeah, I love him. I love them.

I also love the little pout Lucy makes right before her phone rings. It’s so adorable. She goes to grab her phone, slightly nervous when she realizes it’s Tim who’s calling her, because she’s not even close to being ready to leave. “Hi, I’m almost there” she says, as she stands in the middle of the chaos she’s created trying to find the right thing to wear.

But Tim catches on immediately. “No, no. No you’re not” because he knows her too well. Lucy grins a little guiltily at being caught, “No, I’m not, sorry. Uhm, are you?”

“No!” Because of course he isn’t. He wants to look perfect for their date. They both do. They’re both stressing so much. And I love it. “Look, does this restaurant have a dress code?”

I’m sorry, Tim. You’re asking her about the restaurant? Were you not the one who planned it? Or did you just google ‘most romantic restaurant in town’ and go with it?! Either way, he’s so indecisive that he needs to know if there’s certain expectations from the restaurant. Or maybe he’s just asking Lucy what she’d like to see him wear even though he’s the one who planned everything but is now so flustered that he needs her advice.

Am I thinking about this too much? Probably. Anyway.

“Uhh, no. I mean, you could wear cargo shorts, if you wanted.” Ha, as if, Lucy. He would never. But he’s intrigued now. Come on, we all know he knows she’s teasing him here. “Really?” he asks, taking the bait. Or pretending to, anyway. “Yeah, I mean. What does it matter as long as you’re comfortable?”

“Nice try. That was clearly a test. And you should know better than to test the master” he says while grinning like an idiot. And Lucy just laughs while he says it and fondly rolls her eyes at his, really their, ridiculousness.

“What are you wearing?” You did not just ask that, Timothy. I know he means it as innocently as possible, but in any other context this would sound very… suggestive, you know. And we already know Lucy’s answer to this before she can say a word: she doesn’t know. Just that she has a lot that she’s already discarded as ‘no’. And she tells him as much.

To which he responds “Well, we are running low on time. Traffic’s getting ugly.” How long have they been married again? Oh, right. Legally speaking, zero seconds. Emotionally speaking, basically since the day they met. “Yeah, I know. It’s – it’s silly. I just need to make a decision…” Yeah, Lucy, you do. But don’t feel bad. I’m not convinced Tim’s made a final decision yet, either.

“Ah, yes. The green dress. It is decided.” “Great. I’ll… I’ll see you soon.” “Okay. Bye.” I am losing my mind over how soft their voices are here. And look at those smiles. I. Am. Melting. All the nervousness seems to have faded away for a bit. They’re all soft smiles and excitement now. They can’t wait to start this new chapter of their story.

Lucy takes another look in the mirror after hanging up the phone, still smiling. She likes that dress; she likes the way Tim gave her a once-over and appreciated her in it. And she could hear it in his voice that he remembers how she looked, too. So, this seems fitting. Right?

“No. God.”

I’m cackling. Come on Lucy, you’ve already tried on everything you have in your closet. What are you gonna wear?!

Now, before I even get into this next part, let me just say this:

I apologize if their first date falls a bit short here. As much as I love this scene, I also kind of hate it because I still get very uncomfortable watching it. I can feel the awkwardness through my screen and it’s making me feel weird. I keep looking away, talking to myself to cover the dialogue or just skip parts of it entirely because I can’t get over the weirdness.

That being said, I will try my best to get through it at least once so I can do this justice, because it’s such an important part of Chenford’s story. But, again, apologies if it feels a bit off at times.

So, here goes nothing then.

We finally get to see what they’ve decided to wear. Tim‘s in the same button down as he was when he called Lucy. Now he’s got a nice suit jacket over it, looking pretty handsome. And Lucy, my girl. She chose a dress. Wow. That’s… revealing for a first date. But she looks absolutely gorgeous (yes, I have a girl crush).

But aside from looking great in their outfits, they look very uncomfortable as they sit side by side in weird silence that’s occasionally filled with the most awkward and unnatural small talk we’ve ever seen between them. Come on, are you actually talking about bread?!

I can’t help but cackle whenever I see Tim brushing away what I consider to be an imaginary breadcrumb to keep busy. Well, when he’s not checking her out in that gorgeous dress. Can’t blame him though, cause I am definitely looking, too. Respectfully, of course. Just like he is. He almost looks shy when he does it, actually. God, I love him.

I’m not going to cover all the small talk here because that would be too painful for me, but I will say this. I think most of us were expecting an awkward first date, I even wrote it down somewhere right after the winter finale aired that I wanted it to be awkward. Didn’t think it would make me feel that embarrassed and uncomfortable though.

Well done, TR.

But it makes perfect sense. It is going to be awkward and weird when you transition from best friends to lovers. Even more so after spending months barely talking to each other after basically breaking up. They will need a bit of time to find their way in this new relationship. Yes, they know everything about each other. But being together romantically is new; it’s different. It’s a complete 180 compared to the previous few months.

But once they do find their way, it will all be worth it. Because they’re going be so good together.

Lucy finally breaks the awkward silence and weird small talk. “Why is this so weird? We’ve literally eaten together hundreds of times.” “Because… our other meals only ever held the promise of being shot at afterwards. You know. And not, like, naked time.”

Timothy?!

I. Am. Cackling. Again. But I can’t help it. Lucy’s reaction is just so priceless, and his expression when he realizes what he just said is sending me. I’m definitely having a good laugh.

And yeah, his comment here is less than ideal and we can see that he regrets it as soon as the words are out of his mouth. Ok, he kind of regrets it. Look at that head tilt, shrug, and little smirk after Lucy’s ‘are you serious?!’ response. Yeah, he wants it. But it breaks the tension and the awkwardness. They can finally talk to one another.

They’re finding their way.

Also, can anyone blame him for going there? He knows how their “undercover” kisses went. She basically jumped him, repeatedly. It’s not too far-fetched to think that this might be happening after they’re done with dinner. But Lucy pretends not to know what he means. For now.

“Please. I mean, we’ve seen plenty of naked people after we ate.” “Yeah, that’s… that’s not what I m–” “No no no, I know. I know, I know. I – I feel like I might… I need – I might just need you to reset your expectations a little bit.”

Look how his attention is immediately laser-focused on her and what she has to say. He doesn’t wanna miss or misinterpret anything she has to say right now. He knows this is important.

“You’re not gonna see me naked for… a while.”

Clearly, she doesn’t know that he already saw her bare back and literally short-circuited in Vegas. Mh. Maybe it’s a good thing they won’t be going there for a while. Gives him more time to mentally prepare himself for it. Anyway.

I admire the way Lucy isn’t afraid of voicing her wishes here. She knows that she can be open with Tim in a way she hasn’t been able to with anyone else before. She already feels secure enough with him to let him know what she wants without fearing that he’s gonna leave. Because she knows he respects her and won’t judge her for what she wants. Or doesn’t want, just yet.

“I mean, I don’t wanna rush into that. I wanna take things slow.”

I love that she wants to approach this relationship differently than what we’ve seen of her with previous relationships before. Because everything with Tim is different. Because Tim is different. He’s, what I like to call, her first and only love.

We’ve never seen Lucy in love with anyone before. We’ve never seen her heartbroken over someone she dated. With Nolan, she was frustrated that he could end things with her so easily. With Emmett, she was mad that he didn’t break up with her face to face. And with the WIP, she was the one to do the dumping. And she never called any of them her boyfriend for a reason.

The only time we saw her heartbroken was when she thought Tim didn’t want her in 5x02. Maybe even in 4x21 when she thought he wanted to marry Blondie and she saw him fake-propose (still hate you for that, Timothy. But can I actually hate someone I love?).

So, we know this is different for Lucy. And she knows it, too.

Right now, she wants to take this slow. She wants to do this right. Have this date, then a second one, then their first real kiss without the pretense of UC work. “I just don’t think we should jump into bed together just because we know each other so well. I mean, do you –?”

Because this is “the most important relationship in [her] life” after all. She wants to enjoy just finally getting to be with Tim. She wants to make sure she cherishes every single one of those early moments of what will be the last relationship of her life. When you know it’s gonna last, why rush?

And I love that Tim is so easily on board. He doesn’t question her wishes, doesn’t pressure her into anything she’s not ready for (unlike a certain former WIP). He’s accepting her pace. “Agreed.” Because he understands. She might not want to go there just yet, but he knows it’s in the future. Because he knows he’s the most important person in her life. There’s no question that this is serious for her. She just wants to do this right.

And look at the way he’s looking at her while he listens. I’m melting over here. He’s so damn smitten, my heart can’t take this. Again, I love him. Imagine this said in the way Rachel says it in ep 7x04 of Friends. That’s usually what I mean when I write that.

“Yeah?”

You can hear the relief in Lucy’s voice and see it in her eyes. Happy that he’s understanding, that he’s okay with the way she wants to do this, and she didn’t miscalculate how he’d respond. Yes, there might’ve been a small part of her that was a bit scared that he wouldn’t understand. But at the end of the day, Tim’s always respected Lucy and what she has to say and wants. That’ll never change.

Their first little moment of normalcy is interrupted when Tim hears the door to the restaurant open and looks over and then around himself. What are you doing, Tim? Focus on the woman sitting next to you, please. Lucy of course sees how he’s suddenly started squirming in his seat and looks over her shoulder.

She has a little smirk on her face when she’s turning back around, already suspecting what he might be afraid of. “Are you worried someone from the station’s gonna walk in?” “What?” “You are!” “No, I…“ “Wow.” Yeah, she’s kinda enjoying his unease.

But he’s a bit, well not exactly annoyed, but definitely not happy, either. “What are the odds?” As Lucy gestures ‘who knows,’ they’re interrupted yet again by a loud crash from the kitchen. They both look over, trying to figure out what’s going on. I really appreciate that Tim’s not annoyed at what’s happening but defends the staff because they’re working in a stressful environment.

But because they’re cops, Lucy is on alert. Should they do something? Nope, says Tim. Let it blow over on its own. But it doesn’t. It takes a turn for the worse. Because of course it does, it’s Chenford’s first date and they cannot enjoy a moment of peace.

Now, why does Tim have his gun and badge with him, on a date? Well, he’s a creature of habit, he needs to be prepared for every possible scenario. Still didn’t expect that part though. But I gotta say, thank you. Cause they’re one badass couple (couple!!!), working in tandem to get the situation under control and helping the chef.

And yes, I clocked Lucy’s little touch to Tim’s arm (and it’s the second one in this entire scene already!) right before they stood up. Once more proving to me that physical touch is definitely one of her love languages.

After it’s all handled and the guy is in cuffs and the chef’s wound is taken care of, Tim and Lucy look at one another. “What are the chances of someone from the station walking in now?” Aaaand, cue the lights, the cops have arrived. Well, busted. And Tim is more than a little frustrated at how this night has turned out. He just wanted to enjoy finally being able to go out with Lucy.

He turns back around toward her and, holy. That barely-held-in laugh from Lucy as she looks at him? Dying. She’s enjoying this, because come on, it is kind of hilarious.

Before, she was joking that the odds were in their favor and there was no chance in hell anyone they knew could walk in. But now it’s actually about to happen. And their names are most likely gonna be on the police report. So people will know they were there together. Having a romantic dinner. Or trying to, anyway.

This should be interesting.

Also, I’m seven pages in, and I’ve only covered the first two scenes? No wonder this is taking me forever to write. It can really only get worse from here.

It’s the next day, and we see them standing together, secluded and removed from the hustle of the rest of the bullpen, deep in conversation. They immediately stop talking when Officer Jan (hi!) walks by. And I need to point out Lucy’s little pose as she tilts her head to the side in greeting. I cannot stop laughing whenever I see it. It’s so adorable and so freaking Lucy.

Once he’s passed them, Lucy starts talking again. “Okay, we can’t deny the facts. We were both at the restaurant, it’s in the police report.” “And all we know is that the witness reports mention the fact that we were sitting together.” “Yeah.”

Yup, there it is. Both names in the police report, countless witnesses that can attest to them sitting together… this is bad. Because they both know that what they’re doing is against the rules and they don’t seem to be in a rush to tell people. Or be ready for it.

See, this is one of the things that surprised me about them getting together this early. And the way they did. Usually, Tim is a stickler for rules. Him dating a subordinate officer in his direct chain of command? And one he once trained, no less? That’s definitely not following the rules. He doesn’t often go against his sense of duty. I assumed this to be a big obstacle and a reason for Tim not to go for it.

But here’s the big but.

He’s always been willing to follow his heart instead of his head when it’s about the things and people that matter more. When it’s about the people he loves. Especially because he’s not a big fan of change.

His world changed and shifted dramatically after he realized that he was in love with Lucy. When he pulled the plug on their professional partnership. When he was single again and had to see the woman he loves with someone else, thinking he had no chance whatsoever. Same for early season 1 Tim after Isabel left.

There was no stability for him other than the job.

And I don’t think he’s ready to face the fact that something will have to change eventually. And who can blame him? He’s looked for stability his whole life.

“This is not strange,” Lucy says after looking around the station again. “Co-workers eat together, it’s a thing.” They do. But not when it’s just two of them and they’re dressed the way you two were. That and the ambiance screamed ‘date’. “At the most romantic restaurant in town?” Most romantic restaurant in town? Wow, look at you, Timothy. Going all out for your woman. Mister “I’m not trying to be romantic” proving once more that he is, in fact, a big fat romantic at heart.

And Lucy gets it: “Right.” They really can’t deny why they were there together. After another look around the bullpen, Lucy tries a different tactic. “Well, I mean. We could come clean.” You could what? Lucy!

I did not see this coming. And Lucy being the one to say it? Yeah, she really is in love. We know she’s not opposed to keeping a relationship a secret. She never even considered coming clean about being with Nolan years ago. And they were peers, basically. Not subordinate and superior officer like her and Tim.

But I’ll repeat myself: Tim is different. Everything is different with him because for the first time, Lucy is actually in love and is therefore okay with telling her boss. Well, her boss’s boss, technically. She seems to be okay with all the potential professional change and backlash.

“Are you ready for that? Are you ready for Smitty’s commentary on us… dating or the ooh’s every time we walk into the roll call room together?”

Okay, so much to unpack here.

First: clearly, Tim was not expecting this from her either. Look at how he looks at her right after she says it. He’s seen how Lucy likes to keep the guys she dates at arm’s length. (But that’s because none of them were you, Timothy.) Second: it’s kind of hilarious that he would assume Smitty of all people to be the one most likely to make fun of them (he won’t, btw). Third: Lucy NOT freaking out about Tim saying they’re dating?

Nope, I’m not squealing with joy over here at all. They’ve had one ‘barely-qualifies-as-a-date’ date and Lucy is perfectly content with labeling their relationship. Then again, she already called him her most important relationship before they were together, so I guess it makes sense that she’d be okay with it.

But I’m still overjoyed that she’s so content with it all.

And lastly: I’m sorry Timothy. But once you disclose your relationship, chances are pretty slim to none that you’ll be walking into roll call together again. You’re her superior; dating each other while still working together can’t actually happen, at least not while you’re in the same chain of command. Something’s gonna change. Seems like he’s a bit in denial here, because, again, he’s probably not fully ready for that professional change that has to happen eventually.

And now Lucy also doesn’t seem too happy about that anymore, either. “Or we could lie.” But interesting that that wasn’t her first thought. And then it’s like a switch flipped after she said lie, because now she’s coming up with a cover story for a UC stint about drug dealers in the restaurant which just so happens to have required Tim’s help.

One little flaw here, at least for me. You two have barely talked to each other for months, but somehow, he’s the one you asked for help? Interesting. Would that really be believable? But Tim’s on board. Because at least it’s something plausible, kind of. “Not bad.” “Thank you.” Oh, they’re so cute in this moment.

And the moment gets interrupted by Nolan, thank you very much. All he says is “Morning,” and suddenly Tim and Lucy are rattling down their cover story. Hey, my loves. He just said ‘morning’. No need to explain yourselves when he literally hasn’t asked you anything. And Nolan is as confused as I am: “What?”

Because really Lucy? Even though Nolan didn’t ask, aren’t you supposed to be good at lying and being convincing when telling a cover story? If he were more perceptive in this moment, he would’ve caught on immediately and you two would’ve been busted.

Their attention is turned towards Celina and Aaron, who they can hear talking and laughing in the roll call room. They briefly discuss if anything’s going on between them before Sergeant Grey’s knocking on his office window to get their attention. Nolan excuses himself after Grey motions for Tim and Lucy to come join him.

And yes. They look guilty. And apprehensive. Maybe even a little scared. They share a brief look before making their way over. And Tim, ever the gentleman since Lucy became his rookie, is the one to open the door and let her walk in ahead of him (thank you Eric Winter, for insisting to be the one to open the door. Nice continuity!).

But oh boy, does Lucy look even guiltier now that she’s standing in front of Grey. Tim actually looks kind of okay, but he’s already bracing himself for bad news. Also, I absolutely love that their stances mirror each other here.

Now, we all saw the sneak peek before the episode aired, but it always surprises me again how Grey just goes in for the kill shot without warning. “I think you know how I feel about co-workers dating.” Yup, so they’re getting busted, right? And they think so, too. Look at how they immediately turn toward and look at each other.

I won’t recite all of Grey’s speech here, but there are a few things that are pretty important. “How power dynamics can skew things” – that is for sure a not-so-subtle hint that they need to think about their obvious imbalance of power. And that he suspects there’s something happening between them.

And watch their reactions to that. They’re clearly uncomfortable, Tim especially. Because he doesn’t want anyone to think he’s abusing his power to force Lucy into a relationship with him. We all know that’s not what’s happening, but people can be bitches. And they might also assume that she’s going to receive special treatment from him because she’s sleeping with him.

The entire time Grey is talking, Tim and Lucy can’t seem to stand still. They keep fidgeting with their hands, looking at each other for reassurance. Waiting for the shoe to drop.

“Feelings are bound to develop. But we can’t afford a hint of impropriety.” “We couldn’t agree more.” It’s we. They’ve been together a matter of days, but it’s already we instead of I. They’re in this together. No matter what. Tim isn’t letting her go because of some work issues. Have I mentioned that I love them?

“Look. I don’t wanna be the old guy interfering with people’s lives. Especially their love life. But –“ Oh, here it comes.

But then it doesn’t. Because for now, Grey is done with what he wanted to say; now, he’s switching gears. It’s no longer about Tim and Lucy, but Aaron and Celina. And it totally was about them before – he wouldn’t have had to talk about the power imbalance if it had been about Aaron and Celina from the start.

Because, come on. He totally knows there’s something going on that wasn’t there before. He’s had a front row seat to Chenford since the day they met. He’s seen how they’ve evolved from rookie and TO who barely knew each other to best friends. He’s seen the looks and the glances. He’s seen how they’ve always gravitated toward each other, yet how distant they’ve been since Lucy came back from UC school. He saw how uncomfortable they were when he told them to ride together again. And suddenly they’re totally at ease with each other and smiling?

Yeah, he’s not blind. But he’s willing to let them be (for now) and come to him whenever they’re ready. Because they deserve to be happy.

He’s seen them at their best and at their worst. But he’s never seen them at their happiest until now. So, he semi-subtly lets them know that they need to consider the work issue at some point, and rather sooner than later. For now though, he just wants them to talk to Aaron and Celina about the problems of dating a cop.

He’s totally picked the right people for this… “Oh, the irony,” as Tim so eloquently puts it after they’ve agreed to talk to them and left Grey’s office. Also, I have to mention how they turned around to look toward Aaron and Celina in complete sync. They’re so in tune with one another… I love it. And he opened the door for her again. I love you, Tim. Yes, I know I know. You’re Lucy’s, but a girl can dream.

They briefly talk about talking to Celina and Aaron and how awesome that’s going to be. “Can’t wait,” Tim says. Because that’s a disaster waiting to happen. He doesn’t talk about personal stuff in the shop unless it’s with Lucy. And Lucy can’t in good conscience talk to a fellow female officer about not dating a cop when she’s currently dating one herself.

But Lucy wouldn’t be Lucy if she didn’t find a way anyway. So when she spots Nolan across the bullpen again, she immediately says she’ll get him to do it and walks off. Leaving Tim a bit annoyed, because “That’s cheating!” But Lucy doesn’t care and simply giggles as she walks away.

Also: height difference! Lucy looks absolutely tiny next to Tim in this shot. Okay, she always does. But with the way she looks up at him, she looks shorter than usual. And I’m loving it.

Update: I’m now eleven pages in and only halfway through the Chenford parts of the ep. No, I don’t have a problem at all.

Moving along. Tim and Aaron are out patrolling. Tim looks over at him and gives in. He has to ask. Grey told him to. “You and Celina dating?” And Aaron is as surprised as anybody would be when Sergeant ‘no-personal-life-in-the-shop’ Bradford starts a conversation about personal stuff.

I love these two together. And this scene does not disappoint, either. Aaron says it wouldn’t be a problem for him and Celina do date, as cops date all the time. But it’d be different if they were in the same chain of command. He points out all the issues I mentioned above: people assuming she’s dating an SO out of duress, him making decisions based on the relationship. In short: “It’d be a nightmare, man. One of us would probably have to transfer to a whole different station.”

And Tim’s super uncomfortable. Because that’s not where he saw the conversation going. He didn’t want to hear about all the issues he and Lucy inevitably have to deal with for the second time that day. He’s literally squirming in his seat, a bit of panic written all over his face before he deflects. “Forget I asked.” Conversation over.

Because he still doesn’t really wanna think about the inevitable. He and Lucy can’t keep working together. No matter the fact that she’s no longer riding with him. He’s still her direct superior. Something will have to change. Again, that’s not something Tim’s a big fan of.

Later on, after hell has broken loose, Tim and Lucy stand between a shop and the SWAT van, looking around, taking in the scene of chaos because one of the bank robbers has taken a hostage. This is now the problem they need to solve. But they take a brief moment to talk anyway.

“Remember this morning? When dating in secret was our biggest problem?” Lucy asks while they’re surrounded by numerous cops. And body cams. Subtle, real subtle. “Feels like a million years ago.” “Yeah. Did you talk to Aaron?” “Ya.” “And?” “He neither confirmed nor denied.” “But?” “But, he pointed out that it wouldn’t be problematic because he’s not her superior and doesn’t fall in her chain of command.”

“Oh.” Yes, Lucy looks a bit sad here. But I don’t think it’s because she’s scared he’ll break things off. He’s already made his decision when he asked her to dinner. Twice. It’s more about the fact that once again, she’s reminded that they won’t be able to continue working together anymore. And just like Tim, she’s not ready for that inevitable change yet.

But as soon as Tim’s phone pings, alerting him that he has their hostages phone number, they’re both right back to business. Lucy doesn’t hesitate to back Tim up as they’re taking cover behind a shop door and he’s talking to the hostage and their bad guy.

Despite all the issues pointed out by Grey and Aaron before, Lucy and Tim still manage work together seamlessly. They don’t let their relationship become an issue here. Lucy doesn’t tell Tim not to go ahead with his plan even though it’s dangerous and she’s scared for him. She knows he has to do his job.

They’re both focused on the job.

Even when Tim and Aaron are dangling off a rooftop in their shop later that day, Tim is focused on his job. He’s not letting Aaron risk his life for him. But Aaron knows there’s something – someone – waiting for Tim to make it back safely. “You go out first. […] Sir, with all due respect, Lucy will kill me if I let you die, so I’m dead either way.”

Aaron, I love you. He knows there’s something between them. He’s been the one closest to both of them in recent months, at least while on the job. He’s seen their interactions. And whether or not he’s aware they’re together now – he definitely has his suspicions – he knows one thing for certain: Tim and Lucy are in love. And willing to do anything for the other person. But he makes Aaron leave the shop first, anyway.

I know we all want cute, worried moments between Tim and Lucy and maybe expected one in this episode after that incident. But it makes sense not to show it, at least here. Because it emphasizes that they know the risks of the job. Just like they did with the hostage situation. Does that make it easier? No, of course not. They still worry about each other. But they don’t need those interactions after every near-death moment.

(Would love to see some in the future, though. 5x18?)

Instead, it’s easy bantering here. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t die. You owe me a re-do on our date.” “It’s what gave me the will to live.” Gave me the will to live. O. M. G. Timothy! In a moment when he was staring death in the face, he only thought about needing to make it out to take her on another date. She makes him want to live, people. She’s his reason to live.

Okay, I really need to calm down before I keep writing. Wow.

“In my mind I’m hitting you right now.” “That’s good to know.” Oh, how I love their bickering. They’re still them.

Despite all the professional issues that were not-so-subtly pointed out to them today, they still don’t seem to care much, yet. They’re gonna enjoy themselves before they have to worry about any of that somewhere down the line. So, second first date under what appear to be Christmas lights it is. Yes, I’m going with Christmas lights here because in my world, this date happened in late November/early December-ish.

Because what is time in The Rookie universe? If they can’t keep a timeline, I’m making my own and running with it.

I swoon every time I watch this scene.

It’s the way they sit together, each having one foot on the other’s chair. There’s no tension, they’re completely at ease and relaxed. It’s so perfectly them to not have this do-over at some other fancy restaurant but at a food truck instead. Is that a traditional place to have a date? No. But when have they ever done anything the ‘traditional’ way?

Falling in love with your former rookie or TO is already pretty non-traditional. But it’s not like they could’ve stopped it from happening.

“Streets of Vietnam. That’s where we ended up. So I guess this is our first date.” “Mh, last night was, for sure.” Wasn’t she the one to say they needed a re-do for their first date in the scene before this one? Now it’s suddenly not the first, but the second? Interesting, Lucy. I see ya.

“I mean, it’s a better story for the grandkids.” Grandkids?! Lucy, you keep surprising me in the best way possible. They’ve been on one date that can barely count as such, and she’s already happy to talk about something that’s decades into the future.

Because she sees a future with him. She wants that future. She already feels secure enough to know that that’s where they’re headed. And she’s totally fine with that. Lucy ‘commitment phobe’ Chen is ready to spend the rest of her life with Tim. And that thought just completely ruined me. Again. (One of these days, my family might just have to write ‘death by Chenford’ on my tombstone.)

And Tim is as surprised as I am. “We’ve got grandkids now? Nice.” I love this for him. Because now he knows for certain that that’s something in the future. Yes, again, they’re years, decades away from that. But Lucy just confirmed that that’s what she sees for them. That that’s what she wants with him. They just started dating, and she already can’t wait to tell the story to their grandkids.

Tim will finally be able to have that future that he’s always dreamed of. He doesn’t have to settle for anything less than what he wants.

And Lucy’s laugh after he says ‘nice’. Oh, she is the cutest. And look at him. Man, they’re just so happy. No, neither one of them was expecting to have this kind of conversation during their second date. Sometimes you just say things without thinking them through. But then you get an unexpected yet wonderful answer in return, and it doesn’t matter anymore.

Now the only thing that matters is that they’re already on the same page.

He’s still smiling when he turns in his seat a bit and then sees nothing good. “Do not break into that car.” He’s so exasperated. He just wants to enjoy this little date with Lucy, can’t people leave them alone and commit their crimes somewhere else, far away from them?

But instead of getting up to arrest the guy, he simply gets out his badge (again, he doesn’t seem to go anywhere without it) and yells: “Hey moron!” before showing off said badge, and effectively scaring the guy away. And I’m cackling at Tim’s disbelieving headshake. Because it’s so Tim.

Lucy seems to be a little surprised that he would just let him get away without even trying. “You know he’s just gonna break into a car in a different neighborhood.” Because she knows that he’s usually cop first, everything else second.

But, once again, like at the end of 5x08, Tim and Lucy are the only thing that matters in this moment. “Well, then some other cop can arrest him,” he says when they’re finally turned toward each other again. Tim Bradford letting a would-be car thief go so he can enjoy being with the woman he loves?

Some things really do matter more.

Look at him looking at Lucy with such adoration. Have we ever seen Tim look at her like this before? I know we have a few good moments prior to this, but this is a whole other level. He doesn’t have to hide anything anymore. He can finally show her how much he adores her. Because now he knows it’s reciprocated.

And it’s so beautiful. Because Tim fell in love. But he would’ve kept his feelings to himself for as long as he thought he was in it alone. Hell, he probably would’ve taken them to his grave if she hadn’t blurted out how she felt in 5x08. No matter how much he wanted to explore this thing with her, he was keeping his distance, because he couldn’t take another rejection; and she seemed happy.

But now he gets to openly show his love. Or as openly as you can when you’re keeping a relationship a secret. But: he doesn’t have to hide it from her anymore. His cards are on the table, her cards are on the table. Hiding from each other and their feelings is in the past.

He leans toward her, cradling the side of her face with one hand to close the distance. But he’s also giving her enough space and time to stop him if she’s not ready. But she is. They’re both ready to do this. Look at the way they both smile into that kiss. Urgh, they’re so cute. So in love.

And, omg. Tim’s other hand on her thigh? He’s not really someone to show a lot of affection, much less in public. But here he is, touching her wherever he can because, well, now he can. He’s allowed. No, he didn’t ask but he’s keeping it respectful and without making Lucy feel uncomfortable.

She knows he’s not one to do this too much, so maybe she’s actually enjoying it quite a lot. She is, after all, a pretty physically affectionate person, which we’ll get so see even more in the episodes after this one. It’s definitely one of her love languages (damn, I already said this once, haven’t I?). So she probably loves that that’s reciprocated.

They finally close the distance and share their first kiss. Their first real kiss. The last first kiss they’ll ever have, because we all know this is for keeps. Nothing and no one will keep them apart, I am sure of it. They’ll face every and all challenges together from here on out.

And it’s so different from all the kisses they shared under the guise of undercover work. It’s not as heated, not as tension filled, not as obviously passionate. But it’s so sweet, so romantic, so tender. And for once, it’s actually real. And filled with all the love they feel for one another.

For me, this is the perfect first real kiss for Tim and Lucy. Nothing fancy, nothing over the top. Just the two of them enjoying themselves outside in front of a food truck in a super sweet and yet romantic setting. And no matter how many times I’ve seen this scene already, somehow it gets even sweeter with time.

We’ve only gotten a tiny glimpse into the Chenford dating-era, but we can see throughout the entire episode that they’re still their bickering, teasing selves. And I love that for them. And here’s a semi-lengthy explanation as to why.

Every once in a while, my mind just wanders to little Tim never getting the kind of love from his father that he deserved. How is a child supposed to know they’re worthy of love if they have to endure so much pain and abuse?

He thought he’d found it in Isabel. But she broke his heart, too. She left him in pieces, arguably even more broken than ever before.

Every relationship has given him reason to think he’s unlovable. That he’s not worthy. I admire this guy for risking his heart again with Lucy. Because it’s been used and abused so many times before.

There’s always so much wonder in his eyes when he looks at her because a part of him still doesn’t fully believe that this kindhearted, empathetic ball of sunshine actually likes him as much as he likes her.

And there’s the relief that he’s finally found the right person. The one who will love him unconditionally. The one who already does. The one who gets him like no one else has before. The one who doesn’t give up on him. The one who takes care of him even when he doesn’t want and has never asked her to.

And Lucy. She hasn’t had an easy childhood either. Yes, it was completely different from Tim’s, but she has her own scars from the emotional trauma inflicted by her parents who’ve always made her feel like she wasn’t good enough.

She said it herself once. Nothing she’s ever done was enough. Not her grades, her friends, her boyfriends, her professional choices, or any choice at all, it seems.

And with her romantic partners it’s also been pretty devastating. No, she was never as invested as she could’ve been, because she’s never actually been in love. But there’s still some form of trauma from that, too.

So letting herself love and be loved is as difficult for her as it is for Tim. And yet, it happened. Because Tim has never made her feel like she’s not enough. Yes, he constantly challenged her and made her doubt herself as a rookie, but that was necessary in order for her to become a good cop. It was to help her be better, not belittle her like her parents did.

She’s basically been taught to second guess every decision she’s ever made since she was a child. But Tim’s let her learn to believe in herself and her abilities. “You don’t let anyone ever tell you you can’t do something,” he said to her on her last day of training.

Because he knows she’s capable. It took some time, but he’s learned to trust her abilities and her choices. He’s simply learned to trust her. With everything. And more than he’s ever trusted anyone else before.

Sure, they’ve had their ups and downs, and he’s been an ass toward her in the beginning when he was lost, but ultimately, she knows she can trust him with everything, too.

Because, just like she is for him, he’s the one who gets her like no one has before. Who takes care of her no questions asked. Who believes in her. Who doesn’t give up on her. Who loves her in a way she’s never been loved before.

They both have enough reasons to not let themselves trust anyone with their heart. And yet, here they are, together. Completely at ease and truly happy for the first time in forever, maybe their whole lives.

Because they’ve earned each other’s trust; tiny brick by tiny brick by tiny brick, they’ve let themselves trust each other and fall in love.

Finally, they’re with the one person who they can be themselves with. Who won’t judge. Who will support them and stay by their side no matter what. Who they can trust wholeheartedly. Who accepts and loves them the way they are. They’re finally with their person. They don’t have to change to be and make each other inexplicably happy.

If soulmates do exist, Tim and Lucy definitely found theirs in each other. And I admire them for doing this together.

My everlasting gratitude to everyone who took some time out of their day to read, comment, reblog and/or like my Chenford thesis on 5x08. You’ve made it so much easier for me to use my recently found inspiration and keep writing. I hope this lives up to expectations and you enjoy this as much as the one for 5x08. And as always, a special thank you to @escapismqueen for her patience as I complained about my writer’s block (wow, I can actually say that now), asked questions about grammar because English is confusing, and for encouraging me to keep writing in the first place. Hope this is a nice little surprise for you tonight.

#chenford #the rookie #lucy chen #tim bradford #now back to (im)patiently waiting for 5x18 to air #time has not gone by fast enough #but at least i had enough time to write this and post before the ep #two more days!!!#it's gonna be wild but epic #they're gonna kill us all #because it's about chenford and java and duicy #love how they've given away nothing yet #they just confuse us more each day #back to real life now for like a day or two #a chenford thesis

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csprslvt · 9 months

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you and i , and her. pt 11

Chapter 10

Summary: Abby was getting closer and closer and you were falling deeper and deeper for Ellie. Reader wants nothing more than to enjoy the limited time she has left before Ellie realizes the truth and she looses everything.

Warnings: Descriptions of violence and gore, foul language, lots of death, mentions of clausa phobia and confined spaces, mentions of vomit.

You’d both decided to look throughout the entire building. Someone had been here, there were bodies scattered around and when discovering one that has probably upwards of six arrows inside of her.

“Leah,” Ellie spoke.

“She was there when Joel was killed”

You reached down, searching her pockets.

“There's nothing on her.” you concluded.

Ellie dug through duffel bag, searching for something useful, a radio sounded

“Six, this is Two, do you copy? Over. Six, acknowledge, over.”

Ellie ignored it, she had a wad of photographs in her had similar to ones you had found.

“y/n.”

“Hm?”

“It's all of them” You watched Ellie look through each polaroid, pretending like you didn't recognize each one of them. And holding in the urge to vomit when you say an image of Owen and Abby smiling.

It still hurts, feeling replaced. In a way you wanted to run into her strong arms and forget about everything. To restart but you turned on Abby the same way you meant to turn on Ellie. You and Ellie killed members of the WLF. People you were once so associated with. But you never belonged with them. You always stuck out. Abby made you belong. With Ellie, it was like you were already supposed to have been there the entire time. Jackson was closer to home, Ellie herself was your home now.

“That's her,” Ellie said grimly, at the same photo of Abby and Owen.

“That's the one who killed him”

You took the photos from Ellie, she was staring a little to sadly at them.

“Three down right?” “Three down.”

“Six, this is Two, do you copy?” The radio rang again

“Support unit India en route to the TV station, repeat support unit india en route–”

“Shit.” You’d muttered.

“Yeah, we should get going” Ellie replied

You started to walk out of the area, and asked, “ Well…shes dead, how do you feel?”

You already knew the answer.

“I'm pissed we couldn't talk to her.”

To that you sighed.

“Yea but she didn't hurt Joel. It would’ve been pretty fucked up to make her talk”

In the distance you heard another one of your ex-comrades, "Keep your eyes open!”

“God fucking dammit” You exclaimed

“Get down! Spread out, we could still have scars in this building. Watch each other!”

“How are we gonna get out of here?” You said to Ellie

“Someone get to the radio and call this in now”

“On me” Ellie responded.

Another WLF soldier spoke, “What are you doin?”

“Cutting them down” one spoke back

You looked down over, “Down below” You mumbled quietly. There were bodies hanging, infested with flies and maggots. Older bodies. They smelt rancid. The work of someone else.

“Make sure the building is clear first”

“I'm not leaving them up there!”

“The fucks cutting them down gonna do? Go!”

There was no speaking after that. A soldier wandered his way upstairs to where Ellie was holding a gun. But you knew Ellie, you knew how she could be when she wanted someone dead. You trusted that she would take care of it. Hiding behind a wall, Ellie was crouching under a table, with a look in her eyes you only saw at times like this. She was focused on her goal; to take someone's life. But it never occurred to you to fear her, the look she gave you was only of adoration, she wouldn't hurt you, at least not now. Not while she was oblivious. Not while she had no reason to.

Ellie came up behind one of them whispering, “Shhh. Shut up”

She was ruthless.

But you weren't afraid. You watched her and even as she slit the throats of people you once saw everyday, you wanted her. And to realize it in the midst of a murderous rampage was strange you'll admit but when have you ever done anything normally?

You followed her down the stairs and you could see nothing but her strength as she picked them all off like flies. Eventually you were brought back to reality escaping through a window you'd found. You thought it was safe until Ellie yelled,

“Oh fuck! y/n, we gotta run!”

“Trespassers! Over there!”

“Who?”

“I dont fucking know! Just shoot them!”

It hurt to run, your heartbeat in your ears and your chest was shrinking in on itself, but you couldn't stop it. You had to endure and survive.

“Don't stop! We gotta lose them!” You uttered, breathless and tired, you kept going. Eventually you both ended up in some tunnels. Ellie secured the door.

“It'll work, keep going”

Outside you could hear voices of the WLF wanting to find a way in. You were focused on the air, spores were visible.

“Masks on” Ellie said slowly, you both pulled them on.

Outside there was more gossip on your whereabouts, dumbass soldiers incapable of tracking you down.

The farther you went the thicker the air got, spores congregated in the air. The squeeze through the tunnel was a tight one. And you felt a little claustrophobic but pushed those thoughts away.

The WLF couldn't find you, but the walls were covered in growing organ-like remains. Infected had to be here.

It looked alive, like it was beating and breathing and pulsing. It was the part of the parasite that disgusted you the most. Living organs, with no host growing on inanimate objects. And it was everywhere.Ellie pushed through a gate and you loyally followed her. You spotted a clicker and nudged Ellie, it was down below. The WLF had apparently found an entrance because you could hear them being ordered to put their masks on and sweep the area.

“God damn it” Ellie cursed

“So which is it? Scars or trespassers?”

“What are you deaf? Jo clearly said-”

“Quiet! Clickers, watch yourselves”

“Why fuck do these trespassers matter? Scars just lynched the whole place! We should leave them down here for infected to eat.”

“Nah they killed Mike I need to return the favor”

Well Mike was a clueless dickhead. He should've been more careful. That guy was always bad at spatial awareness.

“Look behind you.” a quiet mumble to Ellie

A clicker stood, unmoving with its weight on one side of its body. Almost as if thinking. If they even had the brain to do so. Ellie stabbed it and the red ridges on its body made you feel dirty from sharing the same space as it. They were so nasty when you really looked at them. Raw muscle under rotting skin, fungal-like growths on their bodies, gurgling noises when they breathed. You would need a long,long shower to feel clean again after walking around in such a contaminated space.

It was dark, the lighting was red as if brightened by red LEDs. The fogginess of your mask didn't help the impaired vision. It would've been frightening alone. But right now, you would make the most of the comfort Ellie brought you to fend for yourself. Something you grew more and more accustomed to. The dynamic with Abby you had was more as if she was protecting you. Possessive and overbearing, she wouldn't let you lift a finger when with her. Then it was endearing but now it restricted you from fully knowing how to fight alone. But you didn't want to think of when you would eventually be alone again. Without Abby and without Ellie.

Ellie and you separated, suffocating and slitting the throats of each of the WLF. Coming behind them so they didnt see or recognize you. Giving them no time to react before they choked to death. Ellie seemed different though.

“Are you okay?”

“Yea. Thanks” She said with a short tone to her temper

“Els?”

“I'm really tired.”

You looked for a way out, Ellie came across a paper with “Jules” written on it. Flipping it over there was a lengthy letter. She ignored it. Distant screams were heard. You smiled, those WLF soldiers were being eaten up. It was slightly humorous.

“The fuck?” Ellie sounded disturbed and you almost laughed at her tone. The deprivation of sleep was clearly getting to you.

Ellie discovered a body and suddenly nothing was funny anymore. It was the condition it was in, totally devoured.

“Have you ever seen anything like this?” you questioned

“Bloaters have acid spores but that didn't sound like a bloater. Whatever the fuck their fighting we should let them kill each other”

You were both growing desperate to find a way out. Feeling like mice in a trap, the need for air made you restless. Wandering close to Ellie you longed to hold her hand. But now you had to focus on making it out of this tunnel.Ellie didn't seem to want to be touched right now either. Crawling through a tight space, you could see commotion under you. A creature, someone that had been infected for a very very long time stood. It was bare of skin, pink wet tissue and puss excreted from its pores. Abrasions and boils covered it from head to toe. It’s mouth is wet with blood.

“Holy fuck.” Ellie was observing it and fear shone in her deep green eyes.

“I've never seen one of those things” You said as if it was some sort of alien, that never was human.

Continuing on, Infected came your way when you dropped to the ground again. They were runners so you shot them, no time for stealth. There was just so many, and you were both so tired, yet oneward you fought. There were large bodies of the bloater like infected on the floor.

“Shamblers, is that what they called them?”

“Yea” Ellie told you, “ Where do they come from?”

“I dont fucking know but theyre disgusting” The look of them made you queasy. You wanted out.

Bodies were everywhere the farther you went. Covered in torn exposed muscle, you cringed

“Ugh… look at those acid burns”

“No, i'm good I'll pass on that”

There was a garage door, you prayed it was a way out but a shambler waited for you on the other side. They were fucking ugly, the fact that they were naked with bulging bellies and disjoined limbs affected you even more. You took it down despite exhaustion wondering how they came to be. The amount of infected was overwhelming like they had been down there a long time, waiting for prey. Starved, rabid.

Once they were lifeless on the ground, you kept going until a runner attacked both you and Ellie, getting her on the floor and she fought to protect herself.

“Ellie!” You were quick to get it off of her.

“Get off you fucker!” You screamed, your nervous system driven into fight just for her.

Finally it was dead but terror ran through you when you looked back up at Ellie. Her mask shattered on one side.

No, no, no, no,no. You can't lose her, not on these terms.

“Here we can share mine” You went to take it off and Ellie roughly grabbed your arms stopping you,

“No, no no!” she shoved you against a wall.

“What?” You were confused

“Dont take it off!”

“What? Ellie?”

She pulled off her own and you let loose a scream, it was sharp and loud, vibrating in your throat. Involuntary, filled with panic. You struggled against her.

“Stop! I'm not infected!”

“No but you will be Ellie please-”

She held your hands. “I'm immune!”

“I'm not coughing, do you see?”

She had a point, she breathed the spore air effortlessly, shaking she stroked your knuckles trying to get rid of the crazed look in your eyes. You didn't need any further explanation because her being immune is exactly what you wanted to hear. That she wouldn't turn and you wouldn't lose her so early.

“Fuck, y/n. Shit”

You turned to where Ellie was looking. The shadow of a horde of runners.

“Can you run?”

“Yea.Yes” You nodded

“Lets fucking go. Go!”

You dashed for the escalator stairs, Ellie had your back. You'd never run so fast in your entire life. By some miracle there was another gate and it grinded up infected like a human meat grinder when they ran right into it.There was a theater nearby so you headed inside. Sitting on the couch while Ellie barricaded it.

When she sat by you, you ripped your mask off and stared, processing new information.

“You can breathe spores.”

“Yea.”

“And you're not gonna explain that to me?”

“y/n I dont know. I'm immune and I've known since I was bitten when I was 14” She rolled up her sleeve, “This tattoo covered a chemical burn I inflicted on myself to cover the bite.”

You stared. And suddenly every fear you had of losing her struck you like a stake to the chest. You threw yourself into her arms, clinging as if she would turn any second.

“Y/n?”

“You fucking scared me.” You mumbled into her shoulder.

“I'm sorry.”

The next moments in her arms, the world fell away. It was just Ellie holding you while you grasped at her shirt. Needing to be closer. To feel her.

#ellie x reader #gaming #eventual smut #fem reader #the last of us 2 #angst #abby x reader #abby anderson #ellie tlou2 #ellie williams

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whorkn33 · 2 years

Note

could i request childhood friends to lovers headcanons for nagito?

Hell yeah, no problem!

warnings: spoilers for the DR 3 anime, Hope and Despair Arcs

Knowing Komaeda from early childhood means you’ve seen him through it all.

You were there when his dog passed, you were there after the plane crash, you were even the first one to notice he was missing when he got kidnapped in middle school

Needless to say, you worry about him. Constantly.

You know his luck cycle almost as well as you know him, so you try to always be prepared.

You carry around first aid kits, you set up his phone so he could send you his location if anything were to happen, and you come running every time it goes off, which is about once a week.

Usually it’s an accident, but sometimes he really does need you, and you’d rather check and make sure than end up losing him.

With how attentive you are every time he needs help, he’s bound to feel selfish, like he’s taking up too much of your time.

He wants you to have time with your other friends without him interrupting. You’d be surprised at how much trouble he gets into without calling you.

And of course, with how much you fawn over him, always checking his arms and legs for scrapes and bruises, telling him that none of it is his fault, he was bound to catch feelings for you.

He never said anything about it. He didn’t have to.

You know him well. You knew before he did. But you were quiet.

It wasn’t that you didn’t return his feelings, or you were worried he would reject you. You simply knew words weren’t needed.

Your first kiss was shared with him on the day he got his acceptance letter from Hope’s Peak. You were so happy for him, knowing how much he adored that school, you couldn’t restrain yourself.

What you didn’t know was he received a medical diagnosis that same day - one he hid from you immediately.

He felt that after everything, that was too much. He just wanted to spend the time he had left living his dream. That included you, but you had to be happy.

He didn’t want you to worry about losing him anymore. He didn’t want you to cry over realizing that there was no way to prepare for this, nothing you could do that would help now.

He was trying to protect you, even if you wish he would’ve told you.

He told you about his classmates at length, going on and on about how amazing they were.

The two of you would curl up together and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself, practically drooling at times over their displays of talent.

You were starting to feel just a little jealous when he got suspended, so you simply took it as a chance to spend more time with him. He would walk you home after school sometimes, holding your hand and making you blush.

When his suspension was up, you were more than a little worried. You’d heard about the riots from the Reserve Course and you didn’t want him to end up getting hurt. Before he left, you asked him to be safe.

Those were your last words to him before the Tragedy.

You managed to survive along with a handful of your neighbors, but you couldn’t find Komaeda. The worst thing you could think of at that point was that he was dead. You never could have imagined him being part of the apocalypse.

From the moment you saw his face on the news, you knew something was wrong. It was a feeling deep in your gut, but nobody else believed you. They had no reason to.

When you heard about the Future Foundation, you jumped at the chance to get in. Of course, you started off doing little more than filing papers and transferring documents, but by the time the survivors of the first Killing Game were free, you were the one picking them up from Hope’s Peak.

You had been pushing for the rehabilitation of the Remnants for over a year, and Naegi overheard you and asked about it. So you explained your history with Komaeda, how you knew something was wrong and you had to help him.

Not long after, Naegi vanished off the face of the Earth. No foundation member could get in contact with him, Kirigiri, or Togami.

This went on for a little over a month, until you finally tracked him to the deserted Jabberwock Island.

Naegi was waiting when you got off the ship. You had to stop the other foundation members from advancing to give him a chance to explain.

As he described the events of the Neo World Program, you realized where this was going.

Hinata was still working on waking the other Remnants, and you pulled some strings back at HQ to ensure the Island got regular shipments of all the necessities.

You asked about Komaeda every time you went, and every time got the same response from Hinata. Not yet.

Then, you got caught in the Final Killing Game. You were cornered by several armed guards, trying to think of a way out, when suddenly a convenient pile of rubble crushed them.

You glance up to the pile the rubble came from, and your heart stops.

Komaeda’s smile is the same as the last day you saw him. He’s older now, and so are you. But that’s your Komaeda.

“Long time, no see.”

#nagito komaeda #nagito komaeda x reader #nagito komaeda headcanons #headcanons #dr #danganronpa #sdr2 #super danganronpa 2 #anon #request

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bilbao-song · 10 months

Note

Can you share some of those screenshots from your jeff collection??

djdkfkdkd i mean!!!! sure lmao. this will include nine billion screenshots so i’ll put it behind a read more or whatever (also sorry this took so long but i had to kind of sort through these/make selections/shittily censor names of people who aren’t like. celebrities in their own right)

some notes just so no one can clown on me: most of these are from random internet people; i have a bunch of articles as well but the screenshots here are mmmmostly coming from the comments i’ve managed to hoard over the last few years. i lurk in facebook groups on my fake account and whenever i’m not providing my unsolicited input and dissolving pointless fights between strangers i am screenshotting cute shit. anyway, many (most?) of the non-article anecdotes are ppl who i am like, BASICALLY certain are telling the truth. but there are a few where it’s like…idk. they’re all harmless enough that believing it won’t hurt anyone even if it’s not true lmao but as a general rule yeah yeah yeah people can say whatever they want on the internet, etc., whatever. that’s ur disclaimer

i'm also ANNOYED bc there were a few more i would have liked to include here but apparently i'm not as organized as i thought

anyway!!! yeah half of these are just people talking about meeting him lmao but there are a few things from articles andddd idk. Other Things. but without further ado!!!:

adorable

this guy (in the above screenshot which i didn’t crop properly sjckdkfls) is from the band starbuck, so no shitty censoring for him. there was another thing where he elaborated on the whole story but i may not have screenshotted it? :(

this one just killed me tbh

^ this one is MEAN but also like. cute. poor baby. Random People were like, debating whether or not this is true but i have no idea who this person's Source was so. the world may never know

this whole article is just some silly goose material

okay and the following are ones that come from like. trusted sources lmao

^these two are by the same woman who comments occasionally. it's extremely cute bc she kind of adores him i think. same

this lady tells this story plus a few other lil things pretty often. she's always like "my mother thought he was a lovely boy and he was." my heart. ur mom had good taste

^ THIS ONE in these last two is a confirmed Friend and talks about him a lot. i have so many thoughts re: the first thing but i’m not sure how to articulate that

this one isn't that entertaining but i just thought it was sweet lmao. people were fighting with each other within the group (so like. the usual basically) and i think he kinda misunderstood what was happening. understandable bc half of the people in there seem to be recreationally insufferable. but! oh well very Cute

anyway!! there's definitely more but i don't want to spam too much and some things i just haven't saved unfortunately :( there have been like. multiple stories of ppl hunting him down at his house in the 80s and talking to him for extended periods of time (that sounds sooo unsafe tbh but then again i'm biased bc i will hide if someone rings my doorbell and nobody even knows who i am). those were all very cute and even though that’s kind of a lowkey stalker vibe it does make me like, hmmmm would’ve been nice to be born earlier!

also i have one thing where somebody was like...sharing a post card he apparently sent to their now-deceased relative in the 70s. it was sooo cute but i feel kind of weird about reposting it (even tho it was shared publicly tbh...) but if anyone's eager to see it let me know and i'll send it privately. there are a FEW things of that nature where i'm just like 'this is cute but posting it would seem Weird'

anyway! i hope that was sufficient :^)

#there are a few particular ones i would’ve liked to include but i can’t find them haha :(#anyway #why do multiple of these involve ppl vagueing about bob dylan #jeff lynne #electric light orchestra #elo #anon #e*

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cowboyhorsegirl · 1 year

Note

omg evren please say more about tonynat on some sort of mission where they need to fake date!! <3

@meidui, you've never known this because i have unfortunately never gotten around to answering any of your asks before, but you always send the best ones <3 I started writing this response back in May and couldn't ever figure out how to write the last scene between tony & nat, but I've taken a crack at it now in the hopes that you can enjoy this insane infodump of meta & a bit of fic before you move on to healthier and happier things :)

!!!!!!!!!! ahhhh yes gladly !!!!!!!!!!!!

(and sorry this took so long i hope you don’t mind that I wrote you a novel lmfao)

((Also I’m going to talk A LOT about IM2 but bear in mind that it's been about a decade since i've watched it so if I misconstrue anything please let me know!))

First of all, I absolutely adore Tony and Natasha separately, and I think had they been able to interact more in the MCU canon they would have served to ease each other’s insecurities and curb their more self-destructive tendencies. There’s undoubtedly a lot of parallels between their histories and their motivations for choosing to be heroes:

they’ve got a lot of red in their ledgers, so to speak

they’re trying to even out the scale of all the harm they’ve done

they place the blame of those harms squarely on their own shoulders even though they are both–to varying degrees–victims of the systems they were a part of when enacting that violence (I will say I feel this is much more true in Nat’s circumstances with the KGB than in Tony’s with the US military-industrial complex, but the case can be made for him too what with Tony’s enduring addiction and mental health issues stemming from his relationship with his father who expressly expected him to take over the company [sidebar: i would make the case that tony does not and has never liked building weapons as these are not things that he chooses to do with his engineering prowess in childhood or at MIT, and while he is leading SI he acts out in ways that in my view indicate he’s deeply unhappy with his life and is trying to numb the pain] + the way he was manipulated and ultimately almost killed multiple times by Obadiah)

traumatic medical experiences involving painful, life-changing surgeries AND loss of bodily autonomy

But! There’s also some similarities in how they try to cope with these burdens. For example, they’re both extremely competent at what they do and in a perpetual state of trying-to-prove-themselves (this tends to function more internally for nat and more externally for tony) so their default mode is often to obscure what they feel/think in most situations from everyone but an extremely select group of trusted friends as a means of concealing emotional vulnerability. They are also both prone to throwing themselves into an unhealthy work/life balance because there’s always something more they specifically could be doing to help and it seems as though neither of them can bear to forgive themselves for inaction if their involvement could have saved even one more life regardless of the personal cost.

(That last point especially *COUGH endgame COUGH*)

So in my opinion they would’ve come to be able to recognize these habits in each other at a level of familiarity that Rhodey and Pepper do for Tony or that Clint does for Natasha, but in a shorter time period. Furthermore, because they see themselves in each other, I think they’d be much more discerning over when is the appropriate time to push the other hard to treat themself better because a coping mechanism is becoming overly destructive and when they should give the other a bit more leeway because, yeah, what you’re doing right now probably isn’t the most healthy way for you to process things in the moment but I understand where you’re coming from and I know that if I try and get you to work through things too quickly or in the way i think would be best I might accidentally end up pushing you farther away. I’d rather you be overworking and/or emotionally distancing yourself in my orbit so I can be here for you when you come up for air.

I’m going to put the rest of this under the cut because i haven’t even gotten around to the point of your message lmfao (thank you so much for the ask btw !!!)

However! The crux of the issue is that, for all of their similarities and potential compatibilities, Tony and Natasha first met when Tony was dying (stressful in its own right but in Tony’s case, it specifically ties directly back to the aforementioned medical trauma + previous near-death experiences) and Natasha was undercover on behalf of SHIELD collecting intel on him for a superhero initiative that he did not know anything about and did not know he was being considered for. They don’t really get the chance to engage and interact in good faith because of the inherent nature of “Natalie’s” mission, but I think that the sources for potential long-term mistrust go a bit deeper than that superficial subterfuge.

Natasha in this situation is manipulating tony to gather information on him and denying him full control over medical decisions, and he is not privy to this prolonged, imbalanced dynamic until much later. Plus, Natasha’s own assessment of Tony is that he is not fit for the Avengers, but that Iron Man is. I feel this could be interpreted by Tony as Natasha suggesting that SHIELD reassign someone else to pilot the suit, further digging into those previous harmful thought patterns for tony that he’s only as worthy as the weaponrymachines he builds, no one values or wants him as he is, people are going to force him to relinquish his creations if he doesn’t give them up voluntarily and with a smile with the now added bonus of: this suit makes me feel like my life is worth living again and now they want to take it away from me because I’m not good enough for it.

As is, this setup makes total sense for their first meeting: Natasha is an agent and a damn good one and Tony is a very powerful man who people are regularly trying to pry information/resources/technology/expertise from by any means necessary.

The problem lies in the fact that these two are then tasked with being on an elite superhero squad where they have to place very complete trust in each other and I just don’t really see that happening without some intense heart-to-hearts about what went down in IM2. Now, as we stated before, these are two people who are very reluctant to open up and share their internal strife even with the few people they’ve developed trusting relationships with over the course of years, so I don’t imagine they would willingly offer that painful transparency to each other.

It seems that the ideal conditions for this sort of conversation to take place would call for a mission requiring only Tony and Natasha to work in an extremely close capacity with each other that involves high stakes and high emotions and in which the success of the mission lies critically in their ability to improvise off each other in order to hide in plain site using the cover of an innocuous personal entanglement.

I sense a fake dating mission!!!!!!!

(Bonus points if the context of the mission harkens back to the one or both of their previous traumas.)

So, to FINALLY get around to the point of your ask, my ideal tonynat fake dating mission would serve the primary purpose of allowing tony and nat to work through the events of IM2 and develop their friendship. This would have to involve recognizing the many similarities they share regarding their motivation to undo the violence and harm that they both wrought in their previous lives and then using that foundation of recognition to build trust and eventually camaraderie and understanding!

And because this is my personal dream tonynat fake dating mission story, the secondary purpose would be to make steve jealous and have an early-onset Feelings Realization™️and/or tony-induced Gay Awakening© because i have perpetual stevetony brain rot and I simply cannot engage with any story without figuring out a way to shove a stevetony plotline into it🤪

The time: the nebulous space after AI/IM3 but before CA:TWS.

The place: a foreign nation with a highly advanced technology sector (I’m thinking either Singapore or Japan or Germany).

The mission: identify and infiltrate a corporation that is suspected to be funneling technology and product to [INSERT VILLAIN ORGANIZATION HERE] [PROBABLY DOOM LOL].

I imagine it would start with Fury assembling the Avengers to brief them on the situation and the long and short of it is this: a weeks-long mission that will involve Tony and Natasha attending a technology expo abroad to figure out who is supplying [VILLAINS] with their tech, infiltrate their operations, gather intel, and collect evidence. There should be no reason to expect any flashy shootouts, Fury insists while leveling a one-eyed glare at Tony, but Clint and Steve will rotate 4 day surveillance shifts on the helicarrier which will be hovering nearby over international waters and Bruce and Thor will be on call in case they do need back-up.

One last thing: undercover identities. Trying to conceal Tony Stark’s identity would be like trying to sweep an elephant under a carpet–Hill has to talk quickly to cut Tony off from reminding them all again how he managed to stay under the radar in Tennessee for a week and if it’s so damn hard for him to go undercover then how come the powers that be at SHIELD couldn’t find him in Buttfuck Nowhere, USA?–but it doesn’t matter because he’ll be able to blend in effortlessly at this conference under the guise of exploring new opportunities for SI to diversify its ventures in the tech sector.

Natasha, on the other hand, will need something a bit more involved. She’ll be attending as Nadine Roman, an aspiring model and Stark’s latest conquest, Fury explains while Hill drops a file detailing the persona in front of Natasha.

At this, the energy in the room shifts a bit as Steve, Bruce, and Tony all have subtle, but undeniable reactions to this news. Bruce frowns slightly, as if trying to imagine what this scenario would even look like. Tony’s eyes slip over to Steve and his smirk falls for just a moment before snapping back into place, albeit looking a little bit more forced than before. As Steve tries to clumsily disguise his own surprised expression, he remembers seeing a story in the news recently about Tony and Pepper’s split as he had been flipping between the international news section and sports.

“So…I’m going to fake date Triple Imposter over there?” Tony finally offers into the silence.

Fury considers him for a second, and is just opening his mouth to respond when Natasha–still studying her file to get the rundown on ‘Nadine’–says “Yeah, if you can handle it,” eliciting an unapologetic snort from Clint where he sits beside her.

Cut to the actual mission, and by all appearances ‘Nadine’ and Tony are technically pulling it off with no issues. Not like it’s hard, really, Red is a literal pro at undercover operations as Tony is quite well aware of having been on the receiving end of one of them. She slips into the role of harmless arm candy flawlessly, batting her eyes and smiling coyly over her bare shoulders at egotistical corporate executives with an almost surgical precision. Her flirting and the prestige that accompanies her temporary status as Tony Stark’s companion gains her access to secret meetings and lowly-lit offices where she fades into the background, making herself known and forgotten with equal efficacy.

For his part, Tony is providing the perfect cover for Natasha to work off of. He parades her around the first day, every bit his ostentatious self to make sure everyone gets the image of her on his arm cemented in their minds. He pretends to be too tipsy to notice when his date seduces men right behind him while skillfully avoiding the drinks that keep getting shoved into his hands. He schmoozes with global industry leaders who make him want to tense his body in disgust, but he forces himself to relax, fielding unwanted touches and unearned familiarity all while trying to pry information out using his own forms of deception and sleight of hand.

It’s strange Tony thinks playing this game again. It hasn’t been all that many years since this was his real life, though it feels like it’s been lifetimes. Considering how many near-death scares he’s had in the past few years, it may as well have been several lifetimes since the last time he’s flounced around one of these conferences with some nameless darling of the night on his arm and one too many drinks in his blood and a desperation to be outside of himself, even if just for a moment, even if he had to kill himself oh-so-slowly to do it.

Oh right.

In all the madness that’s been Iron Man, the ecstasy of building something to do good for a change coupled inextricably with the immense mental toll of his recent heroics, it had been easy to let himself forget what it had felt like to live with the shackles of a duller but more persistent type of misery around his neck.

It unnerves him, too, how easy it is to slip back into this life, but he supposes he had been born and built for it. It’s practically muscle memory or an instinct hardwired into his DNA, so deeply ingrained in him he couldn’t cut out the rot no matter how badly he might want to.

Tensions build as the days pass, until one day while Natasha is off trying to uncover potential industry connections to [VILLAIN ORGANIZATION], it happens. Tony’s in the middle of a conversation that he hates about the merits of private-sector civilian surveillance. But, because he’s Tony Stark and he’s smarter than all of these sleazy business fucks put together, he finds himself dominating the discussion. And, because he’s working this goddamn mission right now, undercover in plain site, he’s arguing for it. Arguing the merits of private sector civilian surveillance.

He finishes the point he was making, met with painfully unsubtle nods of approval and he can practically see the rusty gears in the brains of his so-called contemporaries trying to figure out how quickly they can relay what Tony’s just said to their own company boards.

He knows he’s lived this exact scene at least a hundred times before at no less than a few dozen past expos. He’s never been able to observe the charade so clearly before, though.

As he’s turning away from the crowd of executives surrounding him, Tony doesn’t register that instead of sipping at the glass of water he’s been nursing all night, he’s raised it to his lips and forcefully thrown his head back to drink until his brain realizes that the burn he expected to light a path down his throat hasn’t come yet.

Muscle memory. Just like all the worst parts of him, the parts he will never be without.

Horror dawns on him as he slowly lowers his arm, and the breaths start coming fast and shallow while the cold, cold weight of hysteria begins to settle in his chest, freezing him from the inside out.

I need a drink he thinks for the first time in a long time, and that… That scares him. Because he could do it, it would be all too easy to start again here, now. Someone would no doubt be thrusting another drink innocuously into his hands soon enough because of course they would, he’s Tony Stark and Tony Goddamn Stark is a drunk. Ever since that first drink in the dark of Howard’s office when bourbon branded his mouth with its awful liquid fire and his father branded his soul with a taunt Tony never stopped repeating Stark men are made of iron Stark men are made of iron Stark men are made of iron.

The next few seconds seem to collapse and stretch simultaneously around Tony as if he has suddenly found himself suspended in the middle of a black hole. There’s a slight tremor to his hand as he sets the now empty glass down. The conversation is still moving around him: attention snaps back to him and predatory smiles greet him in excess before he’s even finished turning to face them again. A thought passes through the haze in his oxygen-starved brain that he’s about to be eaten alive, consumed whole and used up so thoroughly that there will be nothing left. It’s so asinine that for a brief instant mounting distress gives way to sharp disgust at the momentary lapse of rationality.

A light hand settles on his shoulder, and Tony’s entire body tenses under the phantom weight of a much heavier grip. Someone else used to know how to spot the onset of his little outbursts once. A friend, a desperately trusted father figure, or so he had deluded himself into thinking once because he had wanted that, had wanted anyone to notice when he was trapping himself inside his own brain again and maybe even to care enough to bring him back down to earth when he did.

Panic seizes Tony’s heart in an iron grip, and it feels like Obie’s hands inside him.

Natasha looks up at him, but he doesn’t catch the expression on her face, eyes zeroing in on the spot where he had just set his empty cup down. On the table, someone has helpfully cleared the glass and set down a complimentary martini on the corner of a napkin.

It’s all a blur of a crashing martini glass and his own breath and blood loud in his ears and his body on autopilot getting him the hell out of there because yes, yes this is bad but if he doesn’t leave now it’s going to be worse. Vodka drips down his hand as he practically runs out of the hall back to the refuge of their hotel suite and he hasn’t even thought about the consequences, the damage control until he hears Natasha’s voice light and unbothered and a second later a round of raucous laughter from the crowd he’d just had eating out of the palm of his hand and then the door slams shut behind him and all he thinks about is the path back to the hotel.

When Natasha slips into their rooms later that night, Tony doesn’t waste any time deploying his own damage control strategy, but not so he can manage appearances in front of the men waiting to pounce on him once more on the expo floor. He can’t really bring himself to care less about keeping up appearances with them, and it won’t matter after tonight, anyway.

“I’m going back to the helicarrier. I’ll be much more useful there running surveillance and the suit is always available in case you need it.”

Natasha tilts her head and raises one eyebrow pointedly as she silently considers Tony’s words for a moment.

“No.” She says firmly, with a tone that would have ended the discussion before it even began were she not talking to a man whose stubbornness was outmatched only by the magnitude of his lack of self-preservation.

“Excuse me?” There’s just the slightest edge of panic to Tony’s voice, but even that small crack is threatening to collapse the entire facade.

“I need you here. There’s no other part of this mission where you’d be more useful.”

“That really isn’t your call to make,” Tony says brusquely, getting up from where he had been sitting in their lounge and walking over to face the view of the nighttime city skyline as it shines through the massive windows.

“It’s not yours either. I wouldn’t have taken this mission if I didn’t know you could do it, Stark.”

“Why?!” Tony bursts out, expression crumbled when he spins around to meet her head-on. “What changed Natasha? Two years ago, YOU said I was a liability, so what exactly has changed?” His chest is heaving with the effort of catching a breath, eyes wild and body frozen still against the backdrop of the city lights, held captive under Natasha’s assessing gaze in a way that’s so much more restricting than even the bounds of social convention he broke to escape the expo floor an hour ago.

For a few, awful seconds, Natasha’s face is totally blank as she stares back at Tony and he wonders desperately for a moment if she’s evaluating him in real-time, if she’s writing the mission debrief in her head right now about how Tony Stark has shown himself unfit for espionage, unfit for combat, unfit for superheroics, unworthy of so much more than just the Iron Man su—

“I did.” Her voice shatters the spiral he had just begun to fall into, sympathy written in the downward tilt of her mouth and the way her eyebrows draw towards each other, wrinkling the skin between them. Tony is so abruptly, acutely aware that this is an emotion she’s choosing to let him see, but unlike the way she had laughed airily at the jokes made by the businessmen at the conference downstairs or their first interactions together when she had still been Natalie, this is not an act. The masks have all dropped.

“What?”

“ I changed. I made the wrong call about you.” She slowly makes her way over to him.

Tony breathes out an incredulous laugh, one hand coming up to rub his face. “You’re really going to try and convince me that I’m not everything you wrote in your report to Fury? After what you saw down there?” The words are quiet in the still air between them.

“What did I see? Tell me why I was right.” She raises one hand to lower his from his face, not letting it go once she does.

“Isn’t it obvious? This… all the— the schmoozing and the grandstanding and the— God, the weapons. It’s like I never even left the industry, it all comes back so easily. That’s who I am, who I was raised to be. You saw it down there, I know you did. Please don’t— don’t lie to me.” He swallows heavily around the last admission, the unspoken again echoing louder than if he had just said it.

“I don’t know,” Natasha starts, a small smile forming on her gorgeous red-painted lips. The shade matches the color of the tie Tony wore today. She had hidden a microphone in the knot before they left earlier this afternoon. “Doesn’t seem like it comes all that easily to you. I imagine we’d still be down there schmoozing and grandstanding together if it did.”

A beat of silence passes before Tony breaks into a startled grin, Natasha’s smile growing in response to his. “I always forget that making jokes is something you do,” he admits, chuckling softly.

“Looks like we’ve still got a lot to learn about each other then.”

“Guess so,” the words just shy of a whisper as he finally pulls his hand from Natasha’s gentle hold and breaks their gaze to look away.

“Tony,” she says, resting one hand on his cheek to gently guide him back. “The man on this mission? That isn’t you. Maybe it was, once, but I know it isn’t now because I see you choose to be better than him every day. To do better than him. That’s who you are: the choice you make, over and over, every day, to be better.” Her eyes flicker away for just a fraction of a second, almost imperceptibly, if Tony hadn’t been hanging on to her every word, eyes fixed on hers. “And I… I wouldn’t hold yourself responsible for the person you were raised to be.”

He takes in a shuddering breath, unsure how he found himself here without any of his social armor. How Natasha disarmed him of his usual tactics, avoidance and distraction and redirection, he isn’t quite sure. But there’s a trust he feels blossoming in his chest as she cradles his head in her hand that pushes fear at bay, and he knows he should be wary, trusting the spy, but there’s a haunted edge to her expression that makes Tony think that, for once, perhaps he isn’t the one who stands to lose the most if he falls headlong into trusting.

“It’s too much,” he admits, “pretending to be who I was. It— it reminds me of Obie, and drinking, and… it’s just a lot. A lot to deal with alone.”

The corners of her eyes wrinkle tenderly as she smiles warmly at him. “It’s an act, Tony. You know this. You’re the only person who can do it, exactly because you’ve done it before, for so long. You fooled me didn’t you?”

His lips quirk up at the quip, he imagines that he’ll never quite get over how bizarre it is to hear Natasha banter with him like this, but it doesn’t much matter as long as he gets to experience the delight of her humor again.

“And Tony?”

“Yes?”

“I promise you, you’re not alone anymore.”

—

as far as the steve b-plot goes i’m thinking that steve would initially be feeling a sort of vague discomfort that he can’t quite pin down a reason for so he eventually just decides ‘oh you know what Nat is right and i’m probably feeling lonely and should try dating again after this mission is over’. but then he starts to see tony and nat acting more and more comfortable and affectionate and intimate with each other during the expo in a way that feels…. not so fake anymore and discomfort intensifies into a weird sort of frustration and anger and ultimately he realizes it’s jealousy and he spends a few days stewing in the helicarrier watching tony dazzle natasha in front of god and probably some villains and everyone else on the expo floor and he’s like this is so weird am i jealous of tony?? I don’t like nat like that she’s a great friend but i only see her as a friend and then one day on the ninth day of his latest shift because he’s started insisting to clint that he extend his rotations (clint is very on board with this bc as far as missions go this is literally a cakewalk to him & Nat and he promptly peaces out to go raise his secret family) steve’s watching the surveillance footage of the expo and he sees tony laughing so genuinely as he and natasha demonstrate an iron man gauntlet and he’s so enamored by tony’s joy and the way he squeezes his eyes shut and presses his lips together into a smile because he physically can’t contain his amusement and his laugh lines deepen so beautifully and he’s like oh. OH. i’m not jealous of tony i’m jealous of NATASHA. Because she gets to make tony laugh like that and touch him and be his and it’s all for a mission of course it is but what if it isn’t?? Because steve’s never seen tony laugh like that before and that was all for natasha and cue steve-centric shenanigans as he works through his gay pining for tony stark while simultaneously convincing himself that tony and natasha are now in a real relationship and angsting over that too. i feel like this would eventually resolve itself by nat and tony somehow getting themselves in danger as they finally hone in on their target and steve has to go save them and he’s carrying a bruised and bloodied tony stark out of his makeshift prison and tony is so delirious with gratitude that he kisses steve and steve feels guilty about THAT bc even though he’s elated he’s like ‘oh naur :( tony is cheating on my best close friend natasha with me and how could i do this to her’ meanwhile natasha is completely oblivious to this whole pity party steve is throwing himself and tony has literally been asleep in a hospital bed for 17 hours and thinks he dreamed that kiss when he wakes up steve thinks he’s in a love triangle but it’s literally all in his head bc he’s an emotionally constipated idiot but damn it if he isn’t tony’s emotionally constipated idiot

#if it's all the same to you i'm going to hang on to your 1872 ask a bit longer :)#signed sealed delivered #meidui #tony stark #natasha romanoff #mcu #meta #fic!#evwrites #scribbles #tonynat #plus a dash of #stevetony #bc it's me and of course there's stevetony

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