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aspecpplarebeautiful · 2 days

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im having a crisis and i was just. hoping for some insight!! if this isn't the place to ask feel free to ignore and delete!! thanks

i think i might me aro but i'm not sure. i'm 17 and i haven't felt any romantic atttraction (ever? i can remember ONE time in elementary school but literally.. i barely remember) but oh lord. i want to. i've dated people but not because i was attracted to them and i asked first, but because they asked me and i thought it might work out. i'm not sure if anyone can be... involuntarily aromantic? so i thought i would ask. many thanks.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time, Anon. If you haven't experienced romantic attraction, or possibly did once, but a long time ago, it is possibly you may be aro. Sometimes people do start experiencing romantic attraction in their late teens or very early 20's, but the older you get the more likely it is you're on the aro spectrum.

If by involuntarily aromantic, you mean people who really don't want to be aro, but who's experiences can be described as being on the aromantic spectrum, than yes, that does happen. Some people do have a hard time accepting themselves, especially since we live in a society that pushes the message that romance and romantic love are incredibly important and fulfilling (sometimes the most important and fulfilling) experience someone can have.

That said self acceptance is possible, the first step is rejecting that messaging. It helps that it's not true, while romance and romantic love are an experience that some people find important and fulfilling, it's far from the only one, and it's not one that's been important to everyone. Similar to things like religion, having children, having a passion (for example creating art, helping animals, etc), etc. There are things in life that give people feelings of meaning and fulfillment, but what those things aren't always the same for everyone. Even alloromantic people (that is people who are not aromantic), often find it helpful not to look at romance as the be all and end all since that's just not how it is for everyone, and also it creates a lot of pressure that can lead to unhealthy relationship balances. Romance is a thing some people enjoy and get a lot out of, but it's not the only thing.

The other part is learning to see aromanticism not as something that's about limiting yourself, but instead about giving yourself the freedom to do what's right for you. Aromantic describes how you feel internally, but it doesn't mean you can't do what you want if it's what you actually want and enjoy. For example, if you want to date people romantically, you can still do that. You mentioned you've already tried dating a few times, if you've enjoyed that experience or found those relationships fulfilling, you can keep dating.

On the other side of things, if you didn't enjoy dating, aromantic as a label is there to tell you it's OK to not enjoy dating. There are other types of life partners (Queerplatonic Relationships for example) if having a life partner is important to you. Or maybe you want to focus on other kinds of relationships (it's a myth that only romantic relationships are deep or meaningful, or that nobody values platonic relationships). Or maybe there's something else entirely that's important to you that you'd rather focus your energy on. Sometimes I look at being romance avese (so not just aromantic, but averse to romance on top of it) like not liking chocolate. Some people treat chocolate like it's the best food in the world, better than sex, etc. Some people just don't like the taste, and no matter how much they try and foce themselves to eat it, they'll probably never have that same experience as the people who love it. But there probably is other food they enjoy or other things that give them joy. It's OK to just not like chocolate or to find it just OK.

So even if you're just questioning, and even if you do start experiencing romantic attraction eventually, I would recommend trying to learn these lessons. And trying to see aromanticism as more of a neutral outcome rather than something to be afraid of. Remember too that no matter what you can do what you want, and if you do enjoy romantic relationships, and want to keep doing romantic things you can. If you don't enjoy romance, you will find things and relationships that do matter to you.

Seeking out media with aromantic characters (you can google book and podcast recs for a decent selection), or seeking out aromantic blogs, spaces, etc. can also help you see aromanticism in a more neutral and less scary light as well.

And of course if you have more questions, or want to talk more, this ask box is always open.

All the best, and good luck!

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squuote · 9 months

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realizing that maybe I am just some crow who does not like labels. or at least using too many

#crow thoughts #sorry this is about queer stuff tehe ^___^#but fr I’ve kinda decided that queer is enough for me. like I’m comfy with aro and enby as defining terms #but in terms of my overall sexuality queer is enough for me :-)#honestly while this is about queer stuff I think this also can be used for an sort of identity label for myself #I think I’ve just come to the conclusion that I hate being put inside a defining box for others to assume of me #aside from the ones I actually want to be in #finding out I was aro was kind like one of the best things for me in terms of identity #cause I’ve never rlly given a shit about my sexuality. if I think someone’s cute I think they’re cute #if I don’t think they’re cute then I don’t think they’re cute! simple easy and flows just right for me #in the end it doesn’t matter because to me that aspect of myself is tiny like it doesn’t rlly define me that much #I’m glad to have any identity that allows me to push away the forceful nature of heteronormativity #same with being nonbinary! tho that one was an easy fit hehe #but I’ve also been thinking about other identity stuff as of late too. not just gender n sexuality #like religion and the whatnot. you know the deal #and like yknow what? nah you don’t get a defining term on that personal shit #you don’t get to know why I like calling myself a crow or my religion or whatever other personal shit I got going on #I’m just me. just foster. I’m not one defining characteristic I’m just me #I’m more comfortable with myself than I’ve ever been in my life. I know myself and I will continue to learn more #but I’m comfy not telling anyone until I wanna mention it :-)

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goyayato · 4 months

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a list of cool website i found and use

radiooooo.com- pretty much you can listen to any music any place in the world and also... you can choose any TIME. Sometimes a person just likes to listen to russian music during the 1970s yk? (i recommend btw)

onelook.com (thesaurus)- can't seem to find the word you're thinking of? What the hell is that blanket that you only use for the couch/living area??? Oh wait- a throw. Go check out onelook, it has definitely saved me time for my writing.

datayze.com- CALLING ALL WRITERS, or i mean if youre gonna have a baby too ig this would work. datayze literally will help you find a name for your oc! And if you already have a name it gives you alot of good info you may want to know about your oc'c name. Or you could always make a name by mixing two together, like you can... on datatyze.

bandcamp.com- I cannot for the life me explain this website but TRY IT OUT, YALL. You can find alot of underground artists or new songs :D

mix.com- kind of like tumblr? but kind of like reddit? but also kind of like twitter? what im trying to say is that it's called mix for a reason. It takes cool things from multiple different websites and compiles it into one website, really cool when you're into a really specific fandom sometimes.

lab.nationalmedals.org- tbh idk, it's pretty and cool. it's pretty cool. i used to play this a lot.

worldchatclock.com- i use this for some of my friends that i volunteered with online to find a perfect time for us to meet. It finds a time where which you and up to a few people in different time zones can find a perfect meeting time.

earth.nullschool.net- so ive been getting back into flying my kite and this has been a life saver for my time.

radiogarden.com- i made a whole post about this website, uhh just look it up or try and find the post- im sorry im getting tired pLease

(I have like 2 other websites but i am not going to log into my old school email to try and find the bookmarked websites)

HONORABLE MENTION (actually i did this on purpose. best for last yk?)

azejournal.com- HELLO AROS AND ACES OR BOTH!! THIS IS THE WEBSITE FOR YOU. This is full of cool poems, stories, personal experiences, etc, about being aro or ace or both. I am literally in LOVE (no romo) with this website, it makes me feel more understood sometimes. Also I just love seeing us as a minority having a safe space to make and post creatively.

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tavyliasin · 5 months

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Villain-Fucker Angst Hours

Good timezone, darlings~ Are you ready to get all up in your feelings? No? Me neither, loves, but here we are regardless so the words are going to flow as they usually do... This is focused on Raphael from Baldur's Gate 3 and his fandom, but the latter section can easily apply to any villain fandom.

Self-Analysis of Devil-Fuckery, Or Why Do I Adore Raphael When He Is Very Obviously Evil: A Short Essay by TavyliaSin (Who Still Cannot Name Anything With Less Than A Full Paragraph) ((NSFW)) (((Game Spoilers)))

The following may discuss heavier topics, but without specifics, so whilst it should be safe for most to read without triggering any difficult memories please be aware of Raphael's entire vibes, the content and context of his story, and I'd also like to mention that this isn't a "woe be us for we are terrible people" piece, it's actually more about:

"There is an inherent kindness and warmth to much of the Raphael fandom, and I think there could be some common threads behind that, pulling us all in closer in a comforting blanket that we wrap around each other to keep out the cold of the world."

So, what in the nine hells am I on about? Well. Raphael-fandom is a wild and wonderful place to be. The rest is in sections, so feel free to skip through to what you feel is relevant to your interests. I am so prone to waffle I should open a restaurant~

Who Are Fans Of Raphael? What Do They Want?

We are feral, unhinged, all sheets to the wind "I want that devil man, carnally, and there is no force in all the planes that could stop me". There's the vanilla to the extreme and every level in between, tops, bottoms, versatiles, Doms, subs, and switches - there are a whole lot of people who would love to get their hands on either (or both) of Raphael's forms, for a simple smooch or something far more spicy~ [edited in] To add on to this, not all of us even desire him in a sexual way, for many it is romantic, soft, or even just the rather pleasant thought of spending an evening with drinks by the hellfire because he would be fascinating company. Aces, Aros, and AroAces may all find themselves well within the devilish corners of fandom too~ which is a whole other essay~ [end edit] So, I see you. I'm one of you. Extremely loud and utterly hingeless in my fan appreciation for Raphael. He's one of my favourites to write about, I seek art of him, and the same goes for his mirrored other half, Haarlep, who I arguably love more despite there being far less content of them in the game.

And the Fandom? The Vibe?

From my experience in the Raphael Fandom areas, we have a very deep and abiding understanding of consent, respect, and treating each other with an absolute and uncompromising kindness. We've had talks about keeping each other safe in fandom, exchanged details of people we have encountered who need to be avoided, even shared details between moderators of different fandom servers to pre-ban people proven to be creeps and/or art thieves. We've also discussed consent, including the issues with it in the game, and how areas of the story can only really be considered dubious at best and could easily be triggering for people. And these discussions have been open, honest, fair, and with the acknowledgement that most of us love these scenes anyway. So there's a sense of care that runs through everything, behind the horny-posting and fan content, behind the endless thirsting after our favourite fictional characters. We have a depth of kindness that warms my sinners soul every time I see it.

What Does This Have To Do With Self-Reflection, Raphael, or Villainy In General?

Well let's look at Raphael. He's a villain, obviously. He's manipulative, devious, and inherently evil by his very nature. He keeps Hope chained in his basement, constantly subjected to endless torture. There's also mention of how Gortash was sold into his service at a young age, clearly not an enjoyable experience given the other details and how things turn out (particularly as Raphael would need Gortash's own plans to fail entirely in order for him to succeed in his own and get that crown). And as fans, we accept that. We don't sit making excuses, or trying to say "well actually Gortash is a little shit and Hope probably deserve it", and we don't shy away from or conveniently ignore those darker sides of him with malicious intent to enable more evil to flourish. What I noticed, when I allowed the thoughts to continue, is that there is a theme here.

If Evil Can Be Loved Then So Can I

That's the core. Of course, darlings, I am not claiming to be a heinous monster. I certainly do not have a laundry list of crimes that would make the devil himself say "Uh, that's a bit much." But I sure as fuck treat myself like I do sometimes. You see, I think a lot of us have that tendency, to judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else. Our patience, understanding, and forgiveness for others runs deeper than the Mariana Trench, but when it comes to our own flaws? One minor mistake and we think ourselves to be the worst beings ever to disgrace the earth. Thus, the villainy we see reflects how we are treating ourselves. So by loving and accepting all of those things that should be terrible, hated, we are actually learning that no matter how poorly we think of ourselves that we can be worthy of that same love and acceptance. We are extending the affection we are unable to show ourselves to someone we see the worst parts of ourselves amplified within. And that's why villains attract the people with the most kindness. The most forgiveness. Because it takes someone with a truly huge amount of empathy to find love for the embodiment of evil.

Or, IDK, maybe villains are just hot and we're too far down to care.

But wait, before you go!

THERE'S SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT.

All of this is about FICTION. We should never be accepting of the kinds of evil we see in the game irl. We do not owe anyone kindness if they do not show it to us.

What is hot in fiction is not always OK IRL.

Look after yourselves out there, remember that consent is key in all things, and please do try to learn to love yourselves, darlings, you are worthy of it and you should judge yourself by the same standard you judge others. If you are in doubt, if you are worried, if you feel afraid - reach out, talk to someone. There are many who will listen.

Treat yourself as you would treat a friend. You deserve that much.

Oh, and all Raphael fans who understand kindness are welcome around me, any hour of the day, I adore our little fandom circles and would gladly collect all of us together. I'm following a lot of you as soon as I find you, like hunting shiny pokemon~

See you in Avernus, my darling Little Mice, may we all find joy in the Cambion's Embrace~

#baldurs gate 3 #raphael #bg3 raphael #villain fucker #personal reflection #analysis of the inner mind by a complete amateur #listen the thoughts get loud then I write them down darlings it happens all the time #love yourself please #you are worth more than you give yourself credit for #and keep loving those villains! it's good for you!#be kind to yourself #and be kind in the community #did this even make sense? well it's there now so tough #DMS are open for fellow fans with excellent taste~

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purgatory-if · 7 months

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demo (tba) | faq | masterpost (you are here.) | art cred @aykaypee

You’re in danger, and every fiber of you knows it.

You’re sure, by now, that no matter what you do you won’t be able to stop it. Maybe that’s a good thing.

...This is the end.

You wish you had something that would remember you.

... YOUR life is a mystery to you when you wake up in the sunny fields of Purgatory. Apparently death isn't supposed to be a full memory wipe to the soul, but that's no problem, right? There's usually some sort of record kept of this kind of thing. If not for special cases like yours, then at the very least for organizational purposes. You're told all of that, assured that nothing is wrong and that this jsut 'happens' sometimes up until the moment they look for yur death and find nothing to speak of. Nothing of your life, either, just to make a bad time even worse.

Without knowing anything like this, it's safe to say that it'll be impossible to pass on. The underworld isn't built for fringe cases like you and even if it was, not even knowing who you were is disconcerting at best and cause for crisis at worst.

So alright. It shouldn't be too hard to find out how one person died, right? Detectives and story characters do it all the time- and now you have all the time in the world.

You should, anyways.

... FEATURES include:

play as a seriously unlucky pc whose cause of death depends on which route you decide to pursue

be whoever you want to be! standard for ifs nowadays; things such as pronouns, general appearance, personality all that jazz

8 romance options (mostly fem/non-binary, 1 option you can choose the gender of) and the ability to play as aro and/or ace

at least 4 poly romance routes!

love me some good vanity stats! vanity stats

get recruited (read: forced) into a 9-5 where time isn't real

beat up time

really symbolic mythology! i could write a goddamn essay on these fuckers

... PURGATORY is recommended for players over the age of 15, though I’m not going to police what you do on the internet. The game will contain major character death and death of all kinds, what is probably sacrilege, memory loss, fantasy violence, potentially sexually suggestive scenes and dialogue (hi ama.), morally dubious behaviour, and more. In-depth content warnings for each chapter and specific routes will be released at a later date.

... 'MAIN' CHARACTERS

THE DIVINE.

Angel (prns selectable) / Witty, charismatic, more than a little bloodthirsty, there's a certain volatility about someone who is Fate embodied. While they take their time on the many, many field missions necessary for stability in the multiverse or whatever very seriously, they'll put their restless passion into anything if it catches their eye for long enough.

Achlys (they/them) / Death itself, stoic and sharp and more than a little intimidating, it's hard not to let their mere presence get under your skin. While it would be nice to say that's not an intentional effect, the only unintentional thing about them is the fact that they're down here, of all places. They seem to be making the best of it.

Esme (they/them) / An angel in what is certainly an analogy for hell, classic, isn't it? They're little more than a shambling mess in a skirt if we're being honest, oh so scared of any shadow that moves in the corner of their vision. They truly do wear their heart on their sleeve, which seems to be an invitation for some to try and stop its frantic beat.

Amaterasu (she/they) / Don't let her meet your parents, is the only advice I'd give, because she'd be gunning for at least a threesome by the time starters are served. Unflinchingly forward and seductive, they're horribly charming in the most impermanant of ways. There's nothing she'll shy away from trying sooner or later, it seems, in or out of the bedroom.

THE MORTALS.

Viviana Alatorre (she/her) / Businesslike. Some people really don't change when they die, and going to this office just means you see the sun less on your coimmute. She doesn't appear to be dead, or alive, something in the middle. Out of everyone here, she's probably the most terrifying. Even more than the death god, probably because she's actively working towards terror.

Ailbhe Kahinu (she/it) / There's nothing that troubles Ailbhe, and it wouldn't be concerning if she was... y'know, dead. In the face of certain terror, it faces things with a shrug and a sigh. At least she's good-natured about this whole thing, being dragged down here by both her girlfriend (Vivi) and her sister (Rahley). The prices here are better than aboveground, anyways.

Rahley Kahinu (she/her) / Rahley's been compared to a robot more than one time, and while the comparison probably wasn't in good faith that doesn't mean it was necessarily wrong. She's intensely focused on her work, and her skill in that department seems to have drained her ability in things like basic conversation and empathy. So it goes.

M Blankenship (prns selectable) / Previously called 'Hit 'N Run' in the world of roller derby, the violent nickname seems odd on someone as cheerful as M. They act as a sort of tour guide for souls entering the Underworld proper instead of hanging around Purgatory, and it's hard to say their easy extroversion makes them anything worse than great at their job.

THE CONSTANTS.

Stratos C. Lusse (he/him) / The eternal guide to Purgatory for souls lost, souls found and all who are inbetween. He seems to have been here the longest--minus all of the deities, of course.

Octavia Hardin (she/her) / The part-time guide to Purgatory. She seems more likely to throw your soul into damnation if you cross her or anybody she cares about. Stay on her good side!

Salem Astor (she/her) / She would be a romance option if I had the energy to code in a shop feature. But I don't. So she runs free through the city.

Abbadon (prns selectable) / Personification of the past. If anyone can help you figure out what the hell happened to you, then they should be the one to go to. Sometime in the next 5 centuries would be ideal.

Maliel (prns selectable) / Personification of the future. Again, probably someone who can find out in a second what you'll know when you figure out this mystery, if you're able to find them at a good time. The woes of being a primordial deity.

...and more! Probably. Co-workers, pirates, other deities but this is running long.

#if: intro #interactive fiction #if game #if wip #choice of games #interactive game #twine game #twine if #interactive novel #twine wip #purgatory if #masterpost

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prince-liest · 2 months

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I’m a sex-repulsed ace, and reading the latest chapter of 666 (as well as your analysis here on Tumblr) made me realize that I have been subconsciously thinking about MY OWN sexuality from an allo perspective? And that it has kinda been messing me up?? Like, ever since I learned that sexual attraction was actually a Thing and that it’s Important To People, I had been carrying around a fear of being deficient in some way and not being able to love to the same extent as allos. (1)

Even though I know logically that’s complete garbage and totally untrue, I felt left out of the loop because people seemed to care strongly about this thing I couldn’t even imagine. Whenever it looked like a relationship might happen I panicked for a reason that I couldn’t understand. But now I’m starting to realize that it’s because I was subconsciously terrified of an ‘ulterior motive’ behind the other person’s reasons for wanting to be with me. (2) That part of the reason they even cared was because of something I don’t experience. So thank you, because this realization just clicked into place while reading your work. The thing is, this way of thinking was just internalized in such a way that I didn’t even realize it was there until literally this week. And I think you’re right; one of the main reasons behind that is because I’ve always consumed media written from an allo perspective. (3) If ace/aros are shown at all, they’re depicted as “lacking” and their character development usually revolves around being “fixed” by the story. When I was ~10 years old my mom sometimes let me watch the Big Bang Theory with her (looking back, maybe not the best decision). Anyways, there was one episode deep into the series where Sheldon (who for the past nineish seasons was probably the closest thing to mainstream ace rep) has sex with his girlfriend for the first time. (4) Afterwards, he says something along the lines of “that was better than I thought it would be”, and it’s presented as a Very Good Thing and a big step in their relationship. I think a lifetime of stuff like that makes it very easy to internalize aphobia and feel like the lesser part of the relationship. Or to feel like the other partner is making a huge sacrifice to be with you. That got wayy too long, sorry. All that was just a lot of words to say that I appreciate you. Take care of yourself!(5)

The portrayal of asexuality that you see in media being almost exclusively as you described is very tedious to me because it presumes that something is inherently lacking in aro/aceness rather than that feeling of "lacking" being something that is induced by societal norms. Actually, one of the things that I find additionally alienating is that fandom spaces specifically have been getting better and better about ace characters - but got damn does fandom not jive with aromanticism. Like, a character doesn't want to fuck? That's becoming a liiiittle more fine, it's 2024, we stan consent. But not shipping someone romantically?? Not so easy, now.

I'm glad that my work has been something that resonated with you in this respect! Alastor cares a lot about his reputation as a demon but is pretty blatantly a person who could not possibly give less of a shit about being "wrong" for not being experiencing romantic or sexual attraction. The explanation Viv gave at one point for his own understanding of himself (that he thinks he's just "waiting for the right woman") actually stuck out to me a lot because it's a very "well, nothing is wrong with me for not feeling anything, it's the world that's failed to produce a suitable person" perspective.

But having that kind of confident perspective of your own rightness in the world is really not often portrayed in media, or even in fandom, which even ten years ago was still in the throes of standardizing "Oh, no! Me, gay? These feelings are so wrong!" style m/m content and is honestly not that far off from essentially that for aro/ace characters.

Anyway, all of that is to say that there's not yet much out there that doesn't frame allo/amatonormative values as the default that "even aro/ace people can (and should want to) achieve," and that it's really fun to write a fic that is unequivocally from the perspective of a character who is aroace and doesn't see it as even remotely a fault in himself. Does he have moments where he's a little confused and trying to process how things fit for him? Absolutely. But he just doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who thinks he owes romance to Vox of all people, hahaha. I've written him trying to conform to allo/amatonormativity more with Mimzy, because I think the social standards of their time could push him into it, but Vox? Absolutely not, he does not respect Vox enough for it to even enter his mind.

And then, on the other hand, writing it from an aroace perspective centers the way that romantic and sexual interest can feel like a betrayal of a good thing. With a character like Alastor, it frames romantic and sexual attraction the same alien way that we usually see aromanticism and asexuality framed as.

In the end, this is just one of a plethora of different experiences that aro/ace people can have, but it's one that I really wanted to see represented more, so I'm very happy to write it. I'm glad that you're enjoying it!

#ask #personal #Anonymous #long post #t #aroace #ace #he cares about Vox at this point!#but that's. not really the same as respecting him.#anyway this next chapter is important to me because it's very #how do I put this #“this was okay at the moment but that doesn't mean he's okay with it overall and forever”#“and it does not mean that they've 'progressed' their relationship to the point where Alastor being aroace is a 'nonissue'”#“(feat. ofc the heavy implication that it was an issue in the first place)”#ANYWAY. SOMETIMES I HAVE A HARD TIME EXPRESSING THIS IN NON-FIC WORDS #SO HOPEFULLY THE FIC AS IT CONTINUES SPEAKS FOR ME. I AM GLAD THAT IT HAS SPOKEN TO YOU SO FAR <3 THANK YOU!!#sexuality #my writing #hazbin hotel #this is a hot button topic atm and it took me a minute to write a reply #that didn't seem like it invited discourse lmfao #actually I still feel weird posting my opinion this strongly oops OH WELL

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bloggingboutburgers · 4 days

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Wait I'm actually crying because the other day I read one of your comics about your qpr and I can't remember which one but I couldn't stop thinking about how cool it would be and how much i liked the idea of a non-romantic or sexual kind of relationship with someone, but then I kept thinking "but you do experience attraction and have desired a romantic relationship with someone before". I kept on thinking this until at one point I tried to remember when I actually wanted to be with someone and couldn't come up with anything. Yeah, I've had feelings for people before (I think- still figuring that out) but when I thought about us actually being together it just didn't feel right at all. I kept trying to find evidence of romantic attraction but it just wasn't there. I've kinda "denied" being even just ace for awhile because of internalized homophobia, and it took me awhile to finally realize that yes, I am aro/ace, and I onoy realized thid after much internal debate and afyer readung your posts. Basically your comic helped me learn and accept myself instead of hiding because I'm scared people won't accept me. Thank you so so much :) (and sorry this is so long haha)

Aaaaaaa thank YOU for telling me that!!! It makes me so happy if my comics can help someone out in that way, and I hope figuring yourself out in that way also makes YOU happy TwT

Despite being in my 30s I realized I was aroace at 14, but I feel I might be more of an exception and it just being due to me being very persistent, inquisitive and having a strong sense of identity. 'Cus yeah, seems society does a lot (accidentally or not) to not let anyone ever know that asexuality and aromanticism ARE a thing, and beyond that, ARE valid, and beyond that, that YES, you can be happy with those orientations. It's made so hard to get to a place of self-knowledge and acceptance, so it's no wonder people need a while to figure themselves out!

(...And yeah the whole "Oh you experience positive feelings for someone? THAT'S ROMANCE! Wait, negative feelings too? THAT'S ROMANCE ACTUALLY! Feelings of mild interest in general? THAT'S ROMANCE! EVERYTHING IS ONLY EVER ROMANCE!" thing definitely doesn't help either.)

So... Yeah. I'm really glad this could help, and I hope knowing this about yourself will help you not force yourself into boxes you don't actually fit in in the future... And find the right boxes for you if that helps, of course.

I really wish you the best TwT

#anon #aromantic #asexual #aroace #this makes me so happy

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green-enby · 10 months

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Heyo! Have you watched Koisenu Futari (恋せぬふたり, Two people who can't fall in love) yet? It's a great series, just 8 episodes long! I binged it in one day :) [smiley]

It focuses on two aromantic asexual people living together. This is a little appreciation post, containing some thoughts that it evoked in me as an aroace.

If you don't want spoilers, please don't read!

It's so relatable how Sakuko keeps blaming herself all throughout the show… Insecurity stemming from societal expectations that dictate romance is for everyone, and that people who don't date are somehow "failing" in life; I think this affects allos as well.

When I broke off my romantic relationship, I too felt like it had been my fault, for not having been a good enough partner, for not being able to love them in the same way they loved me.

To finally learn that you are not "defective", that there's other people like you…! I love how the two MCs don't grieve their lack of attraction; Sakuko is perfectly happy discovering she's aroace. She and Takahashi are living their "best life" together.

Sure, many aroaces do wish they were allo, and that needs to be represented too, but this series to me really shined a light over why they want that: it's because amatonormativity is rampant in the world, not because lacking attraction is inherently sad. The main conflicts in the series stem from the clash between allo society and the aroace experience, after all. I think that's neat! It gave me a good dose of aroace joy—while still showing the hurts that come with it, realistically—and I really needed it.

I didn't expect her to come out to her family so soon, but whoa, that was intense. Her mother's negative reaction is what all people who exclude a-spec people from the LGBTQIA+ community should see, to understand that we face the same issues they do.

I haven't come out to my parents as aroace yet, and watching this made me realize how awful it actually feels to be in the closet. I somehow hadn't realized I am. I've always felt safe coming out to them as other things, as bisexual back in the day, and as trans non-binary.

It might be because my confidence disappeared when they reacted badly both times, but this coming out feels almost impossible.

Comparing it to coming out as bi, it's really not that different: if you're bi, you're promiscuous and date too many people; if you're aroace, you're a prude and cold-hearted. If you break away from the status quo, you're wrong either way.

But at least, most people do eventually understand the bi experience, if they understand same-gender attraction, and fuse it with straightness, even though it's a flawed method.

With aros and aces, instead, it's such an alien concept for an allo, which makes it way harder to come out and have to explain to them how to deconstruct allo-amatonormativity. It's exhausting. Thankfully, there's people like Kazu who are actually willing to learn about us. That gives me hope.

I feel like it's super eye-opening to find out the concept of romance didn't even exist in the past. Pretty sure that in Europe, it originated during the Middle Ages from the ideal of chivalry. So it's really just a social construct, and opting out of it shouldn't be so controversial!

It's just a set of pointless, annoying rules like having to kiss eachother, having to say "I love you", and doing it all a set amount of times, otherwise it's not good enough. What if we don't want to? What if it doesn't come natural to us? If it's just a social construct, fuck it, I'm not adhering to that! We do whatever makes us happy!

Even in the series itself, Sakuko too goes through a heartbreak, even if it's not the romantic kind: she valued her friendship and future cohabitation with Chizuru above all else, but Chizuru abandoned her, because of romantic love. It's not true that aroaces have it easy.

Like our MC, we have to deal with fear that we'll come off flirty when we're just being friendly, confusion over concepts that we feel we should understand, shame over the fact that we're different, fear of loneliness, frustration and pain that we'll always come second to our friends' romantic partners, or even trauma from a relationship or sexual encounter that we didn't really want. I could go on and on.

These last scenes really got to me. Especially the second one… I admit that I cried, when she had to turn her down, and it seemed like her aromanticism had ruined their relationship. It hurts that the way I am could seriously harm someone I care about. It hurts that most people work differently and that they can't help it, and that we can't help it either. I don't like being put in that position, to cause someone a heartbreak. I have with my ex, and had to watch them spiral down… It was horrible.

Still, I wouldn't change my orientation for the world. I'm confident in my identity, I love being aroace.

In the end, we can all reach our full potential, reach a point where we feel fulfilled and that we're living our best life, find ourselves a family if it's what we want, have our dream job and house. Being aroace doesn't condemn us to a life of unhappiness. That's what this series left me with by the end; it gave me so much hope for my future.

(I'm aware I'm coming off as a bit toxically positive here haha, sorry if I'm striking a bad chord; I'm just in a really good period right now, and riding this wave for as long as I can! Hopefully I can rub it off someone else as well.)

That said, I really loved this j-drama, it was funny and relatable and emotional, I wished it had lasted longer! It seems like the author isn't even aroace herself, so I'm amazed at how good the representation was! So much thought and research has gone into it, and it shows; the result is amazing.

Thanks for reading my scattered thoughts about this! 🧡💛🤍🩵💙

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twosoulss77 · 2 months

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I don't know who needs to hear this, but you are allowed to have a favourite ship, canon or not, out of a particular show.

Shipping is just a way for artist and what not to explore different dynamics, or even their own. That’s why I believe we should let people enjoy what they like, without forcing our own image of a certain spectrum into them. Especially cause shaming those people, for trying to explore their identity through art, might cause actual harm to them or cause them to not enjoy doing what they like anymore, bc of hateful comments from someone who hides behind a fake identity to hate on a fictional ship, which in itself it’s a very sad and pathetic way to live, but just cause your life is miserable doesn’t mean you need to make others people’s life miserable you know. Go touch Grass when you feel like being a dick!!!

As an AroAce fellow with no desire for a sexual relationship, I applaud and adore all those people making content of my fav husbands, let it be a fics smut or just normal fluff, I love it all SO MUCH Hazbin Hotel ep 5 changed my whole chemistry, and Say what you will about radioapple / appleradio, but I will always be entertained by the idea of Lucifer angrily doing acts of kindness for Alastor because it's what ‘Charlie would want’, and Alastor being a stupid ‘Bambi’ and try to wiggle himself out of it at the beginning, but then realise that he actually doesn’t mind the king of hell company at all. Both slowly growing to actually tolerate and maybe even like being around the other. Exchanging snarky remarks in a more playful way, playing music together, telling dad jokes, hating on the same delusions glorified iPad …like there is so much potential there that it’s crazy how much it pisses people off. It might be cause I am a sucker for Enemies to Friends to Lovers, but by God if that isn’t the best trope.

I know there will be some smart people out there, that are gonna be like “Alastor is ace”, but so are half the people who ship him!!! I hate when people make assumption on us, on who and how we want to love. I might not be interested in participating in sexual stuff myself, but that doesn’t stop me to explore my own ace-spectrum with these two characters, who if they wanted to could and would kiss each other, Cause for one I says so, I have the power to make that happen *insert hysterical laugh* And second It was confirmed that Alastor is a repulsed Ace, but would also be down to date someone if they were strong asf, (Confirmed in a stream, take that with a grain of salt) still makes this ship more possible than others.

Al being Aroace, doesn't mean he can't date or have sex, he's just not all that interested in it, but that could also derive from the fact that he hasn’t found the right person yet, so it doesn’t feel important to him yet. (fun fact aromantic wasn't the part of my struggle accepting that I was aroace it was actually accepting I was ace bc of my hyper sexual tendencies)

Also Alastor being aro just makes radioapple infinitely more funny to me, or any relationship with him for that matter. He is just this 7 feet tall demon with zero interest in romance, but always managing to find himself having beef with someone, possibly a guy, and act like he is either about to kiss or kill him XD

I really needed to get this off my chest and I absolutely mean every thing I said in here. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes, but you'll be surprised to see how much happier you will be when you stop focusing on what other people are doing and instead focus on what you like.

Thanks for listening 😊💜

#aromantic #asexual #radioapple #appleradio #hazbin hotel 2024 #hazbin hotel alastor #ace in the hole #radiostatic #hazbin hotel #alastor altruist #lucifer morningstar

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lurkingshan · 4 months

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10 Things I Love About Ossan's Love Returns

Y’all. Y'ALL. I am stunned right now. I am verklempt. I never thought I would end up here. But here I am.

I bounced hard off the original Ossan's Love. Like, hard. I DNF'd and immediately memory holed just about everything I knew about it. But people I trust (namely @isaksbestpillow and @twig-tea) said this new series was an improvement on the original, and that I didn't have to go back and try rewatching the first series to dive into this one. So of course I, a jbl devotee, had to give it the old college try.

AND TO MY SHOCK AND AWE, I LOVE IT. This show is excellent. This is Japanese media at its absolute best, showcasing the precision in writing, directing, editing, and acting that they can reach when they are firing on all cylinders. This is the kind of comedy only a Japanese production can get right, because it requires a mastery of all these elements that you just can't get in less mature filmmaking industries. This is the best example I have ever seen of this kind of broad comedic style grounded in real stakes.

So let me tell you why this show, which is available for the international audience on Gaga (and with subs coming from Sirii, as well!), is worth your time:

This is a story about an established relationship between adult characters. Y'all know how I feel about the dearth of this we get in drama! Maki and Haruta have been long distance for four years and are moving in together to start their married life as this show begins.

The writing is unbelievably strong. Everything that happens matters, the characters always make sense, and the jokes are genuinely so fucking funny.

Kurosawa, or Chief, as I refer to him, is one of the funniest characters of all time, in any drama. The way this man had me laughing out loud in every scene! I felt like I got a workout.

This show is a feat of editing. I have been watching a string of shows recently that are getting hamstrung by bad editing, so let me tell you, it was a true pleasure to watch a drama that executes editing tricks so deftly and with such an eye toward sharpening its story and enhancing its jokes.

It has excellent female side characters. We have Chizu, my favorite lady bestie who is here to whip Haruta into shape at all times, and Chuoko, an actual archer who also has her own little romance going, and Haruta's mom, an unbothered legend who just wants to eat her food and get to her dates with her boyfriend.

There's a mystery! Next door to Haruta and Maki are two creepy mfers (brothers?) who are Up To Something. Or not! I don't know but I’ll find out!

We are getting an actual dialogue about gay marriage. Haruta and Maki consider themselves married, but have no legally binding contract and have not yet had a wedding, and they talk about this and their feelings about it often as they are negotiating their lives together.

We may have some aroace rep happening?? This is still pending but my radar is pinging hard for Takegawa to join the incredibly shortlist of explicitly aro and/or ace characters in bl.

DID I MENTION THIS SHOW IS FUCKING HILARIOUS. I cannot overstate the number of times this drama had me straight cackling in three short episodes. I had to get up and do some laps to walk it off.

The show is extremely well paced and I trust it not to waste my time. No small thing in these bl streets! The odd episode order (9) and tight pacing of each of the first three episodes tells me the creators of this show know exactly what they are doing and how much time they need to execute their vision.

This show is airing live for the next six weeks and I strongly encourage you to watch it and come join the fun with us!

#ossan's love returns #ossan's love #japanese bl #shan recommends #10 things #shan shouts into the void

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arotechno · 1 year

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the way the aro community talks about attraction is inadequate

Disclaimer: The following is in no way intended to invalidate, shame, or "call out" anyone for using whatever language or terminology they see fit to describe their own experiences. This is about community-wide trends and pressures, rather than individual choices.

As an aroace, I've never felt a particular desire to label other types of attraction I may or may not feel. Identifying as aroace is a way for me to express my disconnect with what society at large views as healthy, normal, valuable, and aspirational; that is, a committed, monogamous, sexual and romantic relationship. I don't want those things. I'm not able to even understand them. But by and large, beyond that, I don't find the framework of different types of attraction very useful at all.

This is the fatal flaw of the split-attraction model in its most advanced form: it's predicated on the idea that there are distinct types of attraction that can be qualified and quantified in neat and tidy boxes. Just as there are people for whom romantic and sexual attraction cannot be separated, there are many (like myself) for whom the very concept of attraction breaks down more and more the more you try to categorize it.

Here's the thing: relationships (of any kind) aren't inherently predicated on attraction, just as they aren't necessarily predicated on love. We can understand, as a community, why an aro person might have a successful romantic relationship despite not feeling romantic attraction, or why an ace person might enjoy engaging in sex even if they are not sexually attracted to their partner. Attraction does not equal action. So why, then, must we make the assumption that everyone must categorize their feelings in terms of attraction at all? This is how we end up with terms like queerplatonic attraction, which warps the original definition of queerplatonic such that a QPR becomes something predicated on a separate kind of attraction that is more unique and special than "regular" platonic feelings, rather than being a broad type of non-romantic relationship that is deliberately built and developed by the people in it based on their own personal needs and desires, and not necessarily based on some ephemeral type of attraction.

This sort of trend towards hyper-categorization is extremely frustrating to someone like me, who doesn't view their relationships or their feelings for others in terms of attraction at all. I'm not platonically "attracted" to my friends, I don't think. I love them platonically (deeply, unconditionally, almost like family), but naming it as attraction makes me almost uncomfortable. Others may not feel that way and that's fine. It's no skin off my nose how people choose to talk about their own feelings. But the implicit expectation in a lot of aro spaces is that you will label your attraction, your feelings, your experiences, your desires, your orientations according to such-and-such paradigms, as if we can wordsmith our way out of simply understanding one another. As if the diversity of aromantic experiences were something we need to break down and quantify.

All of these things are socially constructed. Sex, romance, love, relationships, attraction. That doesn't make them not real, but they are not divinely granted concepts with their own inherent, easy-to-understand taxonomy. We make up the language necessary to describe complex and diverse human experiences as best we can, because it's the only way. But what is absolutely crucial to remember, as a crucial tenet of aro activism and beyond, is that none of these models work for every single person, and needn't be prescriptive.

#not putting this under a readmore. read my post lol #aro #aromantic #aro community #intracommunity #qpr #queerplatonic #aro terminology #long post #op #i'm doing hot girl shit (posting hot takes about models of attraction)

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obsolescent · 10 months

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Talkin’ Foolish

Pairing: Leon x AFAB!GN!Reader

Summary: You reminisce on some memorable moments with Leon

Content Warnings: AFAB reader, adult themes, mentions of sex and sex toys, no gendered language, pure corniness and Leon being awkward and goofy as hell.

Author’s Note: This is so…I don’t know what this is but I wanted to have a break between the angst I’ve been writing. This is inspired by things my fiancée has said/done to me, lmao. I hope you enjoy it!

Words: 1,022

Read on Ao3

You’re used to it by now. Well…Maybe not.

There’s still some things that Leon says that makes your brain feel like it’s buffering, dial up tone and all, stuck on a loading screen as you try to catch up to what he’s said. You’re still surprised at what his mind conjures up.

He’s always had some cheesy, corny jokes he likes to use, but sometimes there’s some outta pocket, off the wall, quirky phrases and sentences he’s strung together, that you wonder how anyone could think of. Though you quickly realized it’s best not to underestimate Leon and his beautiful, unique mind.

There’s a few times that stick out more so than others.

Like one time, it’s late at night. You’ve eaten dinner, cleaned up the kitchen. Cookware, plates, utensils all put up. You’ve both settled down on the couch to watch whatever’s on, finding a movie you’ve both settled on.

You’re snacking on some candy, a sour kind, ones with those sugar crystals. Unfortunately, a few of those crystals stick in the back of your throat, causing a coughing fit. You’re quick to get it under control, sipping on some water until it starts to die down. Leon leaned towards you, patting your back. “Sorry, just got something in my throat,” You tell him, able to finally get the words out. Now that he knows you’re out of harm’s way, Leon’s concerned expression turns into a smirk. You raised an eyebrow at the change, a silent question. “Damn, baby…Would love to be in your throat.” Your jaw drops, cheeks turning redder than they did while you were catching your breath. “Excuse me?” You splutter, trying hard not to show that you did, in fact, find the joke funny. He throws his head back and guffaws, tears forming in his eyes. “Sorry honey, I couldn’t resist!” He gets out, before pulling you into a hug, kissing your scarlet cheeks.

Another time, it’s when you two are bare in bed, his hands exploring every inch of your body. You’re on top, pussy rubbing against his cock, from base to tip. Your head is thrown back, enjoying the sensation until he suddenly grabs your hips and lets out a pained grunt. Snapping your head upright, you look at him with concern and ask, “Everything okay, darling?” “F-fuck. It’s…Everything’s alright, baby, keep moving for me.” You raise an eyebrow, but do as he says, continuing your movements. Falling back into the feeling, you begin to moan and grab your chest, while involuntarily clenching down on Leon’s cock. “Damn, baby!” He chokes out, grabbing your hips again, this time lifting you up from his lap. “Grippin’ my shit like Loctite!” You just stare at him for a breadth of time, wide eyed, before cackling with laughter. He soon joins in, both falling into a laughing fit.

You’re thankful for times like these during sex, being able to laugh whenever a mishap or something comical occurs.

Another moment you can recall, you had received a package, a new sex toy. A vibrator you had been eyeing for some time, waiting for a sale to occur since it was quite pricey. Finally purchasing it, you were eager to get it out of its packaging and see it in person, excited for the time ahead where you would be using it. Pulling out and plugging the charger into the wall, setting the toy on your nightstand to charge. At this time Leon decides to enter the room, curious about the box, himself. Looking at your form bent over the nightstand, he comes up behind you, seeing you fiddle with the toy. “Ah, I see you finally got that cooter buzzer you’d been looking at.” “A what?!” You shrieked. Spinning around, mouth agape with face ablaze. “What? Don’t like the name I’ve given your toys?” He asks, smirking. “You are not calling them that!” You retort, jabbing a finger into his chest to emphasize. He grabs your wrist and pulls it up towards his face, kissing your knuckles. “Well…Can I call them whatever I want as long as I use them on you?” He questions, grinning now. “N-no! I mean…Maybe…” You stutter out, wondering how he can be so awkward and yet so seductive at the same time.

Now, the last thing that comes to your mind isn’t really something he said, but did.

You had grabbed some dirty laundry out of the hamper, taking it to the laundry room to begin a load for washing. You toss the pile into the washing machine, going to check the bin in the bathroom for any more clothing. That’s when you noticed you had dropped a shirt in the hallway, the piece falling out of the rather large pile you held. Bending down to pick up the article, Leon walks into the hallway. “Heh, my turn,” he says, thinking about earlier that day when you had swatted him on his ass as he bent over to grab a pan from the cabinet. His hand pulls back, giving you a firm smack on the behind. You squeal, the momentum from his slap tipping you forward, causing you to lose balance and topple over. “Leon!” You screech, trying to find purchase albeit none around. Leon tries to catch you before you fall over completely, unfortunately, he isn’t fast enough.

“Oh shit, baby! I’m sorry!” He says as he’s pulling you up from the ground. “Are you hurt?” He asks, moving your hair from your face to search for any abrasions. Your eyes like daggers, you glare at him, gritting out, “No…But you’re about to be!” “Oh, fuck.” He mutters, before escaping and dashing off, you hot on his tail. A chase ensues, ending with him turning around and grabbing you. He picks you up and takes you to your shared room, you squealing over his shoulder. Tossing you onto the bed, tickling you until you’re both laughing and panting for breath. He sighs, leaning down to give you a kiss. “Love you, you little rascal,” he says. “Love you too, rapscallion.” You chortle, kissing him back.

There’s never a dull moment in your house.

#o fics #leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x gn!reader #leon s kennedy x gn!reader #resident evil #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy drabble #resident evil x reader #resident evil smut #resident evil fanfic #resident evil x you #leon kennedy x you #resident evil fanfiction #leon kennedy fanfic

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snowysobsessions · 4 months

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"Do I Have A Crush?" Quizzes as an Aromantic

In a previous post I had mentioned that I love taking "do I have a crush?" quizzes as an Aromantic. What I didn't share in that post was all of my findings from taking basically every quiz on that topic I could find. This is gonna be a bit of a long one, but I hope it will be an enlightening one!

Being an aro and taking these quizzes is pretty interesting. Because I do get plushes, which for me share some qualities with crushes, but are a completely different experience as a whole. For lack of a better equivalent, I have used my plushes while taking these quizzes. This will become relevant later on.

Anyway, here are my findings:

1. The target demographic for these quizzes is teenage girls. Well, the majority of online quizzes are intended for teenage girls. But these ones are especially designed for teenage girls. It's often painfully obvious by the way they are written, the answers available, and the scenarios provided. About crushes specifically though, this makes sense. Most people have their first crush during their teenage years. So the next logical step is to be curious about these new feelings and take an online quiz to figure out what's going on. Why only girls, though? Hard to say. It could be because they assume boys generally feel more confident in their romantic interest and thus would have no need for such a thing. Worth noting it was very hard to find a TRULY gender inclusive quiz. There's tons of wlm and wlw, but almost nothing for mlw or mlm. And if you're nonbinary or your crush is nonbinary, good fucking luck. The vast majority of them rely on some sort of gender stereotype. So many of these are clearly written from the perspective that you are a cishet woman interested in a cishet man. In multiple quizzes I have actually found typos where instead of using they/them, they accidentally use he/him in one question, almost like it had been up for a few years, then someone edited it later and missed one. A freudian slip if I ever saw one.

2. Practically all of them assume you are currently attending high school I understand that this is the time when most people get their first crush... but there are people who only crush on celebrities and fictional characters until they are an adult. This is not an extremely uncommon occurrence. So as you can imagine, there are a lot of questions that ask about how you interact with this person at school. Usually the addition of "or at work" feels like an afterthought. Some quizzes I've come across don't even consider that an adult might be taking the quiz. Like the question just openly states that you are at school.

3. They frequently assume that your crush is NOT someone in your friend group. This is probably the most interesting one to me personally. Because I myself cannot get a plush on someone until I've known them as a friend for at least three months. And I know plenty of non-aro people that need to get to know someone as a friend before developing romantic feelings. It's just... such an oddly specific assumption, y'know? They don't even consider that maybe this person is already in your friend group (unless you are talking specifically "do I have a crush on my best friend" quizzes). They just doesn't consider that the way you feel about someone can change over time. It's love at first sight or you will never feel that way about that person, I guess. (I think this is more teenager shenanigans. Because "am I about to enter a relationship with an abusive guy" doesn't appear to be the concern. Just that both or either friend group might not approve...?)

4. They generally assume your crush is a stranger or someone you do not know very well. Related to the previous one, this one is kind of weird to me. I understand the concept of love at first sight, but these are "do I have a crush" quizzes, not "is this love at first sight" quizzes. Almost every quiz I took had a least one question that assumed you had fallen in love with someone you have never spoken to. And often for answers on other questions instead of including an "I'm on the fence for how I feel about this person" option in the answers, which would be pretty logical to include, they have an option that says "N/A because I don't actually know them." However, the "do I have a crush on my best friend" quizzes are an exception to this. Instead they often assume you are spending every single free moment of time you have with this person.

5. If you have a crush on your best friend, you have either terribly misinterpreted you feelings and theirs, or they will never feel the same way about you. Um, yeah... I guess some people just can't tell the difference between romantic attraction and just being really good friends. But an important note: I think in some cases there's definitely outside pressure saying that two people "should" be in a romantic relationship simply because they are close platonically. Making those people question how they feel. Hence the existence of these quizzes. I can definitely feel that pressure while taking them.

6. They assume that your friends are all a certain type of person and your relationship with them is very specific. So here's the common assumptions I found across most quizzes:

Your friends are the type of people that are very invested in the love lives of everyone in that friend group. (And also outside of your friend group...)

Your friends are the type of people that will tease you about your romantic interests instead of being supportive.

You talk frequently about your love interests, love life, or lack there of with your friends. (Before you say "What? Everyone does that!" Not everyone does that.)

You are the only person questioning your feelings, everyone else is certain you have a crush.

Thankfully a teenage friend has informed me that this is 100% a teenager behaviour that happens all the time. Although I have seen cases where women under the age of 25 can also do this. I would go into detail about each of those but I think how these are not good assumptions to make is pretty self explanatory. You don't know me, you don't know what my friends are like, stop saying your experiences are universal. I will say blindly trusting the quiz taker's friends is not as reliable of a choice as it sounds. Sometimes people will just call any fond feelings for someone, platonic or not, a crush. And they sometimes will insist that person has a crush even if they say that they do not have a crush and simply want to be friends. And after awhile it can get to your head and feel like the only opinion that matters.

7. They assume this person is someone who you know/you regularly see in real life. In every quiz I took they asked at least one question that I could not answer because the plush I was using for all of these is someone I only know online. Specifically, it was some variant of "how often do you stare at them?" I understand this is a defining part of having a crush for most people, but I was rarely even given the option to say that this person and I are not regularly in the same room. Okay, let's say a teen girl gets a crush on a boy on from another school during like a sports game. She cannot answer this particular question truthfully either because imagining how often you'd stare at someone you met once if you were regularly in the same room with accuracy is not easy.

8. They assume you have the biggest crush, as anything less could lead to negative results from the quiz. Because I do not experience the same feelings, sometimes answering these questions truthfully is very difficult because my options are usually like this:

Q. If your crush asked you to hang out, how would you react?

OMG YES YES YES!!!

Well, we hang out all the time (as friends) so this is just a normal Tuesday for us.

I haven't even introduced myself to this person so they literally cannot ask me to hang out.

I'd make an excuse to not go.

And none of this is even close to how I feel about my plush. Or even about my friends. I cannot answer this question with 100% honesty. Legitimately, I've felt like I've gotten "you don't have a crush" results for the simple reason that I am not head over heals for my plush. Often it was either "every thought in my mind is of them" or "they're alright, I guess." But you can see how only the first option, with the most intense feelings, suggests that you have a crush. The other three options are either completely neutral feelings or suggest dislike. And since that's what people are taking this quiz to figure out, almost everyone is going to pick the first option. It might as well be just "would you hang out with your crush if they asked you, yes or no?"

So these quizzes are built on the assumption that you do, in fact, have a crush. You just want those feelings validated.

"Okay that's great Snowy, but what results did you get from these quizzes as an aromantic?"

Well, I didn't write down exact numbers since there were so many quizzes I took over about an eight month period. Some of them I took multiple times months apart and got different results. But I'd say about 60% said I had a crush, or was likely to have a crush. And 40% said I did not, or it wasn't likely to be a crush.

The funny part?

When I took some of those I didn't have a plush on anyone at the time. I was just using how I felt platonically about a close friend as the "crush." And while this did sway the results, it was not by much. Turning it more into a 50/50 chance.

No plush, no sexual attraction, they are JUST my friend. And yet, the results screen tells me I am deeply in love with them about half of the time.

When I said they assume you do have a crush, I really meant it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, I have actually made my own "do I have a crush" quiz that hopefully avoids doing everything I just talked about. No assumptions about the person you may have feelings for, no assumptions about your friends, no assumptions about you, who you are, or why you are taking it in the first place.

It's password locked since I'd like to get results strictly from people who find this post on Tumblr (for now). So type in this word when prompted:

conformity

Thank you for reading all the way to the end. I spent a long time with all the research and writing so it means a lot to me. 💖

#long post #aromantic #crush #romance #quiz #quizzes #uquiz #do i have a crush?

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 2 months

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I'm 15 and I've never been in a romantic relationship, no one has ever expressed having a crush on me, etc. Some of my friends have never been in relationships while others have several exes, but in my daily life at school I pretty much never encounter romance of any kind directed at me, so I usually forget it's even a thing.

It feels weird to me though when I see other aros/aces online talking about fending off constant flirtations, love confessions, crushes, etc when that's literally never happened to me? And even though I'm more than fine with that, it makes me feel like something's wrong with me because I've never had anyone behave like that personally. I don't want to date, but I want to be *likable*, and given how much emphasis society in general places on romantic attraction, the lack of romance in my life feels like it reflects poorly on me :P

Yeah, I do think it's someone normal/common to want to be perceived as attractive, even if you're not actually interested in any kind of romance/sexual situation with other people. Though I would say that:

a. Being asked out or frequency of being asked out isn't necessarily a reflection of how attractive you might be. There's a lot of factors that go into being asked out like aproachability, the kinds of situations you're in/people around you, etc. For example a lot of aroaces aren't really connecting to people in a flirty/mutual attraction kind of way (though sometimes this can be misread), and aren't asked out as often because of that. Some people are very attractive, but kind of intimidating and get asked out less for that reason, etc. and

b. your self worth isn't determined by how attractive you may or may not be. When determining self worth it's important to focus on the things you can control. Value yourself for the things you do. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you can't control, or often even know, how another person is perceiving you in that context. It's fun to know if people do find you attractive, but remember that you're a cool and interesting person in your right no matter what and that matters more.

All the best, Anon!

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idyllic-affections · 1 year

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HELLO!! YOUR BAIZHU WITH CHRONICALLY ILL READER IS THE BEST THING THAT'S EVERY HAPPENED!!! I've never seen a blog that does only platonic things, and as an aroace person, IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY! I wasn't too sure if you requests were open or not, but I was wondering if you could make either some headcanons or a fic where the reader (from that series) has a flare up or gets sick and Baizhu takes care of them? I'm unfortunately sick right now (just in time for when my final school assignments are due, slay 😍) but found family and hurt/comfort are literally the best thing ever, and, if put together, I'm pretty sure will cure me /j. If you requests aren't open, then please disregard this message!

Anyway, I gotta go sleep before the fever messes up my brain (if it hasn't already); so good bye, and thank you again!!

a slip of the tongue.

summary. how does baizhu care for his junior herbalist when they fall ill?

trigger & content warnings. flu-like sickness, lighthearted mentions of death.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. hurt/comfort-ish. baizhu & reader. 1.1k words. they/them pronouns for reader. this post is an expansion of invisible disability? it's rather visible to me & contains vaguely implied spoilers for baizhu's story quest.

author's thoughts. hello lovely!!! thank youu <3 i am slowly collecting people that like this series like how i collect shiny rocks. its great to get a request related to it. i hold this series very dearly, so please (and this goes for everyone reading this!) never be shy to send thoughts about it or requests related to it. anyway, i love catering to aroace folk, you all are so special to me. im on the aro spectrum myself, so i get it. i know from experience that it can be super frustrating looking for fanfic content that's non-romantic. please remember to take care of yourself! i totally understand the feeling of needing to finish final assignments while being sick. me and you are in the exact same boat LMAO... my requests are always open btw! ive no intention of ever closing them. in the end, i went with our poor reader being sick rather than having flare ups, since i already briefly touched on that idea in employee benefits.

how does baizhu care for his junior herbalist when they're sick and out of commission?

baizhu is most often the first to know when they're sick or otherwise unwell. he's so impossibly attentive to their bodily condition, simply because their health is partially his responsibility. he's their teacher. what kind of mentor would neglect to take care of their apprentice? a bad one, that's what kind.

(he also feels somewhat indebted to them—even though they're chronically ill, they're always doing anything they can to help him recover after his "secret art" treatments. even though he's the doctor, they've helped care for him on more than one occasion. he has to return the favor whenever he can. just because he's older doesn't mean he gets to freely take advantage of their kindness.)

if he's not the first to know, he's the second, because the only instance where he wouldn't know first is if they woke up ill at home.

he'll always end up being the second to know, at the very least. someone will inform him of their condition, whether that be a parent or a sibling or another family member. sometimes a friend of theirs may tell him, such as xingqiu, chongyun, hu tao, or xiangling.

in hu tao's case... she may be distrustful of him, but she does tell him when they aren't well. [name] is a childhood friend of hers. she cares about their health and, surprisingly, doesn't want to put them in the ground just yet!

even though she dreads the path they've chosen to walk down... she still cares for them, very much so.

(junior herbalist!reader's lore drop is finally here?!?!?)

regardless of how baizhu finds out, they'll end up being cared for at the pharmacy.

though he could prescribe them medication and let them be taken care of at home...

he often wants to care for them himself.

gui has asked why in the past, and baizhu really has never had a good answer for him.

he's really not sure why he wants to be the one to monitor them. perhaps it's because it gives him a sense of calmness and reassures him that they're recovering well.

after all, if their condition were to rapidly decline for any reason... he could fix it.

(to some others, his concern might seem overprotective. unnecessary. however, something as simple as the flu has been known to take lives. he worries that, because of their chronic illness, they may be more susceptible to a severe case than others are.)

he has the means to save them if something like that were to happen, and undoubtedly, the life of his sweet and kind apprentice is one that deserves to be saved and protected.

perhaps it's also because it seems to put qiqi at ease; baizhu's noticed that she gets fidgety in [name]'s absence during work hours, but when they're ill and being cared for at the pharmacy, she functions very well and often even remembers to check on them herself.

sometimes when they have a fever, qiqi may sit by their side for minutes at a time and just press her little cold hands on their forehead to cool them off. she also ensures that they stay hydrated.

both baizhu and gui find this behavior very endearing. qiqi cares deeply for her big sibling (despite the fact that she's technically older...). her bond with them is something very special and sweet to bear witness to.

bubu pharmacy's work environment is familial and tightly knit by nature, so it isn't too hard to imagine that something would feel wrong if one of the four herbalists were gone for whatever reason. even those who don't work there are affected by the absence of one or more of the pharmacists.

overall, baizhu takes very good care of them when they fall ill.

he monitors them closely, hand-crafts their medicine depending on what they need, makes sure that their fluid intake is maintained...

he dotes on them tbh.

"Ugh..." they groaned, blearily blinking up at their mentor. Baizhu's hand against the feverish skin of their forehead was cold; they couldn't help but lean into the gentle touch. "Bàba?"

He didn't point it out. He hardly even acknowledged their words, as if he were somehow used to it. He only smiled, hand stroking tenderly over their disheveled hair, taming the defiant strands no doubt caused by restless sleep. "So sorry to wake you, dear."

Even Changsheng was quiet—she only hummed thoughtfully from her place around Baizhu's neck. Normally, she'd find something to tease them about (usually because they started it!), but now... she seemed to know that it just wasn't right to tease them in their hazy state of mind.

Gui was quiet, too. He was surprised. He had never heard them address their mentor such an... informal way, let alone with familial terms. He did once briefly think that the dynamic they had with Baizhu was awfully family-like, but...

It was still unexpected.

"Come, now. It's time to take your medicine again, and then you can go back to sleep, okay?"

Gui watched, still silent, as they hummed in absentminded acknowledgement, rubbing their eyes ever so slightly. It didn't seem to help them come to at all; their gaze was still distant and unfocused and they didn't even realize how they addressed the doctor. If they did... they'd probably apologize, embarrassed, but they showed no such emotion. Baizhu gently guided them into a sitting position, rubbing small circles on their back.

Gui handed the cup filled about halfway with herbal medication off to the doctor. Baizhu gingerly guided it to their lips, knowing very well that the guidance was needed; they looked half-asleep sitting up. Archons know they were in no condition to successfully do it themselves. They took the medicine without so much as a whine about its bitterness—they only grimaced slightly after swallowing. Gui supposed that they never really were one to complain about it, even when fully coherent. 'I think it would set a bad example for others if I complained,' they once told him. 'Plus, it's not like Dr. Baizhu gets some kind of sadistic pleasure from giving medication to me, so there's no reason to complain. It's herbal. There's nothing to be done about the taste... I know he doesn't like taking it either. Hehe. It's kind of funny, actually, like we're hiding some kind of company secret. Herbalists who don't like the taste of herbal medicine.'

It was only after he left the room with the doctor that he pointed it out:

"They called you bàba."

"Hm?" Baizhu hummed, turning to Gui. "Oh. Yes... [Name] has done it quite a few times, actually, whether that be because of fever delirium or a slip of the tongue. I don't mind it. It only means that they feel safe enough to be vulnerable here. Qiqi has done it a few times, as well. Those two are only children, so... it is to be expected."

Gui then smiled, nodding. "It's cute."

Baizhu couldn't help but agree, his lips tilting upwards into a little smile himself. "It is."

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

#aphelion's headcanons 🌸#: [ the junior herbalist! 🌸 ]#favoniuslibrary #astronetwrk #platonic genshin impact x reader #platonic genshin #platonic genshin impact #platonic genshin x reader #platonic baizhu x reader #baizhu x reader #genshin impsct x reader

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bloggingboutburgers · 1 year

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Ahhh, what the heck, your comics are so cute??? 🤣

I'm kinda curious tho (as a fellow ace)—and only if you don't mind my asking?—how you and your partner met/figured out your QPA. Because I've tried the whole... get to know people in person thing, the online dating thing, and it just... doesn't make sense. 😵‍💫 How does one find a platonic life partner in what often feels like an ocean of straight amatonormativity..? 😅

Thank you so much for the kind words!^^

I feel like my partner would be wayyyy better suited to answer that one since they're the one who suggested to be in a QPR in the first place! But to be perfectly transparent and factual I guess I'll explain the step-by-step:

I wasn't looking for anything specific, to begin with, I was very content to vibe on my own with friends and family as support. (The aro-aceness in me helped in that sense, I believe)

My partner and I started off as online friends that just got along very well and talked a lot about common interests, as close friendships work typically, at least for me

We're both ace so we talked a lot about that, and about what works for us and what doesn't

About a year and a half after starting to talk online, they suggested trying out being in a QPR. My clueless ass had no idea what that was, how that worked, and was pretty much a mess about it, but also down to try, so there we went.

It worked for us. It felt like a nice and comfy type of relationship to be in.

About six months after that we met up IRL for the first time. Vibes were very much verified IRL too.

We started out with a pretty high level of boundaries but have built up more intimacy (both in terms of physical and what we're willing to talk about vulnerably) over time. It's always been done in the form of a suggestion, in a "would you vibe with that, because I would, but if you wouldn't let's not" sort of way. It's been developing pretty naturally and smoothly.

We're still long-distance to this day because we live in different countries. We're considering marriage, mainly as a means to an end, in order to be able to stay in the same place without one of the two risking being kicked out after a while. But ironically, before that necessity even dawned on us, on our first meeting, I was the one who'd blurted out "I've never wanted to marry anyone but if it were you, I think I could". I'm still baffled I could even blurt something like that out, but I did, so I'll stand by that.

No idea what the future has in store, and if we'll stay like this permanently or not, but I don't think it'd be earth-shattering if it did end – but it IS looking pretty good as it is now, and it's good that it's nice now. It's definitely a vibe.

Hopefully that can help a little? TwT But yeah, I wasn't trying in the first place to get any kind of relationship like that, so I guess my original situation is slightly different... Either way I wish you all the best and I hope you can find something that works for you!!

#iiiii just totally lucked out tbh #saemir #queerplatonic relationship #qpr #queerplatonic #i oughta draw how my partner and i started that out at some point #cus yeah god was i dumb

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