realizing that maybe I am just some crow who does not like labels. or at least using too many

Democracy Into The Classroom

If I’m going, to be honest, I have to admit that democracy is a topic I have never given much thought to. Prior to watching the documentary called What is Democracy? by Astra Taylor, I’d say the only thing I knew was that democracy is a system used to dictate politics and allow citizens to vote for the platforms that they believe will make their country better. I find the topic of politics to be a messy and intimidating place to explore. I dislike the dualities and extremes that exist within politics and the tension that it can create between people. 

When it comes to voting in a democratic society, I have witnessed the hearing of two sides that people often hold. One side is the belief people have that voting won’t make a difference and the other side is that voting is crucial to being an active citizen. In the middle, I assume there lie folks who are just uneducated and even uninterested. If I take a look at my own involvement in politics and democracy, I can remember only a handful of times that I have voted in the past ten years. Mostly because of a mix of the things I mentioned above.

Although in the past I may not have actively sought out information on local politics or global politics, I have always been someone who when presented the information through education or conversations with others, shows interest in listening and learning. Sometimes this has led me to do further research of my own to further educate myself on certain topics and other times I was happy to listen and learn at that moment, but not interested enough to go deeper. 

Throughout the film What is Democracy? it’s discussed that democracy is supposed to protect the well-being of all people, both rich and poor, and provide justice for everyone but in reality, many people are being left out, especially people of color. And that voter suppression is a real thing. This made me reflect on Canada’s democracy and voting rights. The requirements say you must have proof of legal Canadian citizenship, be of 18 years of age and show ‘acceptable’ proof of identity and address. This excludes those who are permanent residents of Canada and who contribute to the economy and society. I read further about voter suppression affecting Indigenous citizens of Canada's accessibility to voting poll stations. To me, these two examples aren’t at all inclusive of what democracy should be. 

As I become more aware of political issues and further my understanding of what democracy is, I am beginning to think about what this means in relation to the education system and my part in it. If democracy is to be defined as it was discussed in Astra Taylor’s film: Protecting the well being and justice for all people; then I feel as an educator it is beneficial to bring democracy into the classroom and build a democratic envrionment where all students voices are equally heard and supported. An article from Edutopia talks about a democratic classroom as a safe and inclusive place that is co-constructed and promotes social responsibility and engagement with oneself and others. I feel that this kind of environment fosters many positive characteristics that tie in with Dewey’s ideas on progressive education; self-expression, growth, positive relationships, collaborative learning and community building. And this is the type of environment I hope to support as a future educator.

If there is one thing I am certain of when it comes to the kind of society that I want to live in, it is a just one. I might still feel that my vote doesn’t matter or that the worlds problems are too complex to be solved, but despite those feelings, I still have a burning desire to be a part of the good in the world. So although I do not label myself to be a political person, I recognize that my values and beliefs do align with certain political ideas that dictate the way I choose to live my life. And I aspire to bring the kind of world I want to live in into my classroom. 

I was sent this screenshot by someone telling me that the author of this post was using it as “evidence” that Zuko is selfish and disloyal to the Fire Nation, while Azula is selfless because of her loyalty to the FN, and was asked to answer the question: is Zuko selfish?

And I just have to say that this post is written in phenomenally bad faith, especially if it’s supposed to be proof of Zuko’s supposed selfishness.

So let’s get into it.

Zuko’s quest to capture the Avatar is certainly selfish, because his motives are based around what he thinks it will gain him (his father’s acceptance), but hardly for the reason this person seems to think it is.

As Katara says to him in Ba Sing Se, the fact that Zuko is willing to destroy the world’s last hope for peace if it means he achieves his goal is selfish, but pitting him against the Fire Nation “cause” hardly proves Zuko selfish, since destroying the world for its own gain is literally the Fire Nation’s goal.

That’s the first point that needs to be made. Loyalty to a regime that is built on selfishness and hate cannot be said to be selfless in any sense of the word. So the idea that Zuko is selfish for being disloyal and Azula is selfless for being loyal to a fascist regime where she exists in the top %1 is completely backwards.

Second, although Zuko’s motivation for trying to capture Aang before Zhao is selfish from a worldly perspective, it’s also pretty backwards to label him as self-interested and disloyal to the Fire Nation because the reason he wants to capture Aang before Zhao is because this is literally the mission he was given by his father, the Fire Lord. Ozai gave Zuko this mission as a punishment for what he saw as disloyalty, and convinced Zuko that it was the only way to redeem his honor.

Zuko is motivated entirely by proving his loyalty to the Fire Lord. And since the Fire Lord has total authority over his nation, loyalty to the Fire Lord is loyalty to the Fire Nation. Moreover, Zuko is convinced that this is the only way that he can be loyal to his nation, because in all other ways, he is considered by his father to be a failure.

Zuko isn’t motivated by personal glory here, he’s motivated by a desperate need to prove that he’s not a failure to his country and his father, and he believes this because this is what Ozai’s abuse conditioned him to believe.

Zhao accuses Zuko of disloyalty but he isn’t calling Zuko out on anything. Zhao believes Zuko is disloyal because that’s what Ozai said Zuko was, and he also knows that this is a trigger point for Zuko and he wants to push his buttons. Zhao himself is being pretty hypocritical here because he dismissed Zuko’s quest for the Avatar as foolishness until he realized that Zuko had actually found something.

And this is where we get to the cognitive dissonance that is characteristic of both abusive people and fascist regimes. “Disloyalty” as defined by Ozai is not obeying and being a failure, so Zuko has to bring back the Avatar. “Disloyalty” as defined by Zhao is Zuko holding back information so he can achieve the mission Ozai sent for him. Ozai most likely sent Zuko on this mission in the first place on the assumption that it would not be achievable, and Zhao also thinks this until he realizes that Zuko has actually discovered something.

I’m sure that if Ozai found out that Zuko tried to impede Zhao from capturing Aang he would brand it as disloyalty, but I think Ozai also purposefully sent Zuko on an unwinnable mission AND was prepared to punish him for “disloyalty” for not succeeding even though that was exactly what he expected him to do. It was only luck that Zuko ended up finding Aang in the first place, and that’s one of the reasons why Ozai restoring Zuko’s honor feels empty in book three.

And here’s the thing, which I’ve said before in response to these bizarre Ozai/Fire Nation apologist takes. You don’t owe any loyalty to anyone who doesn’t have any loyalty or respect for you.

That’s what Zuko eventually realizes, and it’s what he’s beginning to realize as early as here, in the third episode, as seen in his outburst at Zhao calling his father a fool if he thinks the world will follow him willingly. If he thinks people will fall in line by being subjugated by terror and violence.

Zuko knows on some level that he’s stuck in an unwinnable situation and that his father and the FN are wrong, even if he can’t really articulate it yet. Kids are smart, and they know when adults are putting them in unwinnable situations. They also know right from wrong. Kids become frustrated when they can’t do the right thing, and when they can’t please an unpleasable adult that has authority over them, and this is very much what Zuko is doing here. The harder he tries to beat Zhao, the more “disloyal” he is to the Fire Nation; the more Zhao is able to best him, the farther he is from proving his loyalty to his father.

This is actually one of the ways the show sets the groundwork early on for Zuko’s redemption by

1) showing us that the Fire Nation is not worthy of Zuko’s loyalty

2) Showing Zuko being put into increasingly impossible and contradictory situations due to his attempts to remain loyal to the Fire Nation; eventually “screw this I’m out” starts to look more and more like a better idea.

Zuko already knew this, of course, even before the series began, but he buries it deep because of the need for his father’s love. It’s why he stood up in a war room full of adults and demanded to know how the leader of his country could knowingly send loyal soldiers to their deaths. What happened to those soldiers is entirely a parallel to what Ozai did to Zuko.

It’s amazing but also terribly ironic that so many Azula “fans” don’t seem to understand this, either, and try to prop up Azula by showing how loyal she is to a cause that, in the end, destroyed her, as it would have done to Zuko if he hadn’t gotten out.

Zuko is loyal to Iroh because he knows on some level even at the start of the series that Iroh is the one person who isn’t going to gaslight him or manipulate him or hurt him while telling him it’s for his own good. The one person who doesn’t feed him the fascist lie of personal glory and destructive nationalism and instead offers him truth, love and acceptance.

Azula I guess is “selfless” if you consider that her entire sense of self is tied up with pleasing her father, as Zuko’s was at the beginning, but that’s not an admirable trait, that’s just being abused. 

As far as being selfless in her loyalty to the Fire Nation, again, she’s in the top %1 and considers herself as having the right to rule and the right to conquer other nations in the name of the Fire Nation. So loyalty to the Fire Nation is about what she gains and what she believes is her right. From a personal standpoint she is entirely self-centered, as she is cruel and manipulative towards others and sees them in terms of how she can use them. That’s the main difference between her and Zuko, that Zuko actually cares about others, although he tries to shove this impulse down at the beginning of the series, whereas Azula’s cruelty and disregard for those around her that she exhibited in childhood grew as Ozai fostered it.

okay y’all listen up:

if you came to freeform’s siren for the ot3 or if you just loved the ot3 and are Not Okay™ about the current turn of events with the show, I have a show that will be a balm for your battered soul:

leverage

here are some of the perks:

ragtag team of “ex” thieves using their skills to take down the rich and powerful (white men)

epitome of the found family trope (this show basically CREATED the trope, I’m legitimately serious, deadass I believe they were the ones that truly created it) (edit: obviously I’m exaggerating but you catch my drift)

C A N O N polyamorous relationship made concretely canon by the last episode (although there are themes of it throughout the entire series)

also lowkey highkey the writer has been writing fanfiction for the ot3 on ao3 for the past decade but won’t say what his handle is. and no, I’m not even joking:

“villian” of the week storyline that never gets stale

after every con they make sure to dramatically gloat in the background, just in sight of their corrupt mark(s)

there is never a boring episode. no dips in content quality.

the writers didn’t believe in cliffhangers for season finales. they believed if you had to rely on shock factor or cliffhangers to keep the audience you weren’t doing it right

the Smart™ character is Alec Hardison, a black foster kid turned greatest hacker in the world. he loves and respect his nana above all else. (his first major crime was making the bank of iceland pay for his nana’s medical bills). he is PROUD geek (“age of the geek, baby”) and is can be emotional and there is nothing wrong with that (no toxic themes of black man hyper masculinity here, people). he is allowed and is unapologetically himself and on MANY occasions described (by his ot3 partners as well as the rest of the team) as the smartest man they’ve ever known. he is canonically romantically involved with parker for the last two seasons but he is also coded to be in a budding relationship with eliot (no toxic heteronormativity here either)

parker, canonically the greatest thief in the world, has many characteristics of being neurodivergent (possibly autistic) but is N E V E R made fun of or treated differently by her team because of this. she has trouble with emotions and connecting with others and was originally set up as the crazy, quirky girl character but the show was quick to set her up as SO MUCH MORE than that. her team helps her feel again after a rough, childhood and she learns to grift like a pro. shes baby and I’d die for her. she’s extremely smart and is built up to be the next mastermind of the team. her two love interests accept her for who she is and love everything about her. she is also bisexual (DONT @ ME I WILL TAKE THIS TO THE GRAVE THERE WERE TOO MANY HINTS AT IT)

eliot spencer, the hitter. basically is the brawn of the group that takes the hits for his team and fights if there is trouble or if they can’t just get in and out stealthily. started off as an 18 year old soldier with an idealized view of the world, slowly got involved with dubious military involvement and eventually turned into a hit man for hire. made many questionable choices but he eventually got out of that life. he HATES guns and when in fights, always takes his opponent’s gun away, dismantles the clip and throws it off to the side. despite all of this, he is N E V E R ONCE the toxic white manly man with a tragic past trope. never. yeah, he’s made major mistakes. yes, he has a tragic past. but that doesn’t define him. he attones for his past and tries to be better but it’s not a major plot point to overwhelm the viewer with manpain. he sometimes sleeps with other people but always cares about his lovers and pays attention to them (also lowkey sometimes the gender isn’t mentioned about past lovers so 👀👀👀 it’s Noted™). he is sure of himself and has the emotional stability that we wish bucky barnes would have. he teaches the women in his life how to fight and protect themselves. he loves cooking and uses his passion for it to teach parker how to feel (because cooking made him feel again after his terrible past). he’s so IN LOVE with parker and hardison- those heart eyes can be seen from the fucking MOON

sophie deveraux. grifter. english accent. EX art thief (“why does no one take that seriously!!!). wants to be an actress but cannot act for her LIFE unless she’s breaking the law. the mom/aunt of the group. she’s sexy, not just for her age- she’s sexy, period. she talks parker through grifting situations and teaches her how to interact with other people. I’d trust her with my secrets, but not with any valuables.

nate ford. the mastermind. an ex insurance agent. his son died after his company wouldn’t pay for his treatments. became a drunk, but the team gave him a reason to live again. his alcoholism could create problems for him, but it’s not glossed over at all in the show and is constantly addressed. he could be a dick and they didn’t excuse that. he and sophie have a relationship that takes three seasons to finally become something, and in the end after a lot of dancing around it becomes a healthy, loving relationship. he teaches parker to be the next mastermind, but doesn’t DREAM of leaving until he’s sure his kids parker, hardison and eliot will be good on their own. he could have easily been the broken white man trope but wasn’t. also, his “let’s go steal a _____” sctick never gets old- the bigger the thing they steal the better it gets, I promise.

literally, this is the best show of all time. it has it all: taking down rich white men, the found family of your DREAMS, a canon ot3

message my sideblog @leverage-ot3 for any questions or comments. you won’t regret watching this show, I promise.

(I’m tagging some other fandoms as well that I think might enjoy this show)

IMPORTANT EDIT:

the show aired from 2008-2012 (five seasons), but the show runners have reached a critical rage point about corporations today and have RENEWED IT for a sixth season (and possibly more)!!!

Ah yes I see and like your interpretation of Hardison’s overcompensation too (mine may have too much projection lol). I don’t know if I agree that the show “did Hardison dirty” but I also don’t know if that’s an Internet phrase that has a special meaning I don’t know!

I guess most of his backstory was focused on his Nana and the foster system but I wish we had a Significant Person from his post show up like for the others. (But hey! Breanna may help with more backstory and such in the revival!!)

I think I really just disagreed with the implication that those two episodes were bad characterization for him/didn’t fit his characterization because I liked how they extended (the ice man job more so than the gold digger job though, I think the gold digger job would have been better if it was pulled back a season or two). But re-reading your post/tags I’m not sure you actually said the episodes were bad characterizations and I may just be reading too much into it!

(As to Nate (disclaimer that I actually like him to a degree just not as much as the others but I don’t hate him as much as some) I think he kinda does that with the whole team but only with their skill set. The problem is he’s mentally defined Hardison’s skill set as “everything” which while complimentary would also be very stressful for him)

(Also about Parker tipping: I know right!! She was so separated from “normal” for so long that I can see her just not realizing things like this. Sort of like how in that one episode she seemed so surprised and sad that the man’s debt was from oncology (and then deleted it). She has all the compassion but not all the knowledge needed to apply it)

TBH a part of fan analyses is projection bc it colors each of our perceptions a little bit differently! this is why i love discourse bc as much as i love to defend my opinion, it’s just that: an opinion. and i also find that putting myself in someone else’s shoes is a great way of either confirming or editing my own thoughts so thank you for sharing your thoughts tbh

I AM ALSO HOPING FOR BREANNA TO FILL IN A LITTLE MORE ABT HARDISON but i also don’t want her to fall into the trap of being a tool to fill in hardison’s story line, you feel me? like i don’t want her AND hardison to both have the pitfall of having undeveloped backgrounds lmao

and i may have said bad characterizations i think? tbh i should read through those again and edit for clarity but anyway rather, i think it’s more apt to say inconsistent characterizations rather than Bad. bc hardison is still, for the most part, hardison. there’s just inconsistencies (in my eyes at least) that don’t make sense since they’re characteristics that seem to only show up in those episodes! i think i need to sit down and force myself through those episodes a few more times to really put my thoughts into words BUT YEAH - not necessarily bad, just very inconsistent and Weird to me.

YOUR PARKER COMMENTS KILL ME I LOVE IT SO MUCH ITS SO SO SO TRUE, like she was under socialized as a child bc of what her past in the system and what archie did to her and if you’re raised up AS a thief, there’s not a lot of time to teach morals or compassion in a morally dubious field like thievery. like she didn’t really even know WHY she was stealing only that it gained her money and it was fun to solve problems. it’s just like sophie realizing that stealing art still had a seedy underground that got people hurt despite it not being like eliot’s job where he was doing the hurting you know? once they both looked past the immediate gratification of the Self they realized that they could do something to help others.

Thank you so much for the Namor content and allowing us to ask all kinds of Namor questions. If you don’t mind me asking: what’s his MBTI and what would you say are the key things to know about him personality wise if you were a stranger who just happened to cross paths with him & wanted to strike up a convo. at one of these restaurants/events he seems to like (at least I think he does) to frequent.

Hello! And you’re welcome! I’m always open to answering questions as best I can. I know I discussed this once with a mutual but it was a while back so I took a MBTI quiz again for Namor and it says Namor is a Logistician ISTJ-A. I have included the explanation of this under the cut and tried to cross out things that didn’t really fit with Namor’s character.

I think the key things to know about Namor’s personality is:

- He hates cowards and bullies. Basically people who abuse their power over others is also someone he would hate. Also he hates Nazis.

- He dislikes people who don’t respect him and get in his space or touch him without permission.

- His mood shifts a lot even in conversation, so be ready for these changes especially when he gets angry.

- He is compassionate even if he doesn’t show it all the time.

- His compliments are very roundabout unless he is trying to woo someone then he is all poetry and dramatics.

- He likes doing stuff and having fun, so he is very adventurous.

- He is loyal and protective of those he deems as “his” whether it be friends, lovers, or family.

Basically he’s a salty grumpy charred on the outside and a little gooey on the inside, undersea marshmellow.

If you were to cross paths with him in a public setting I think it would depend entirely on who the person is, if it’s a commoner person Namor might ignore them, if its a person of importance then he would acknowledge them. He is very slow to make friends so that won’t happen right away. Flattery and compliments are usually the best way to go because he does like having his ego stroked. Hope this helps!

Logistician ISTJ-A

The Logistician personality type is thought to be the most abundant, making up around 13% of the population. Their defining characteristics of integrity, practical logic and tireless dedication to duty make Logisticians a vital core to many families, as well as organizations that uphold traditions, rules and standards, such as law offices, regulatory bodies and military. People with the Logistician personality type enjoy taking responsibility for their actions, and take pride in the work they do – when working towards a goal, Logisticians hold back none of their time and energy completing each relevant task with accuracy and patience.

Logisticians don’t make many assumptions, preferring instead to analyze their surroundings, check their facts and arrive at practical courses of action. Logistician personalities are no-nonsense, and when they’ve made a decision, they will relay the facts necessary to achieve their goal, expecting others to grasp the situation immediately and take action. Logisticians have little tolerance for indecisiveness, but lose patience even more quickly if their chosen course is challenged with impractical theories, especially if they ignore key details – if challenges becomes time-consuming debates, Logisticians can become noticeably angry as deadlines tick nearer.

Associate With Those of Good Quality if You Esteem Your Reputation...

When Logisticians say they are going to get something done, they do it, meeting their obligations no matter the personal cost, and they are baffled by people who don’t hold their own word in the same respect. Combining laziness and dishonesty is the quickest way to get on Logisticians’ bad side. Consequently, people with the Logistician personality type often prefer to work alone, or at least have their authority clearly established by hierarchy, where they can set and achieve their goals without debate or worry over other’s reliability.

Logisticians have sharp, fact-based minds, and prefer autonomy and self-sufficiency to reliance on someone or something. Dependency on others is often seen by Logisticians as a weakness, and their passion for duty, dependability and impeccable personal integrity forbid falling into such a trap.

This sense of personal integrity is core to Logisticians, and goes beyond their own minds – Logistician personalities adhere to established rules and guidelines regardless of cost, reporting their own mistakes and telling the truth even when the consequences for doing so could be disastrous. To Logisticians, honesty is far more important than emotional considerations, and their blunt approach leaves others with the false impression that Logisticians are cold, or even robotic. People with this type may struggle to express emotion or affection outwardly, but the suggestion that they don’t feel, or worse have no personality at all, is deeply hurtful.

...For It Is Better to Be Alone Than in Bad Company

Logisticians’ dedication is an excellent quality, allowing them to accomplish much, but it is also a core weakness that less scrupulous individuals take advantage of. Logisticians seek stability and security, considering it their duty to maintain a smooth operation, and they may find that their coworkers and significant others shift their responsibilities onto them, knowing that they will always take up the slack. Logisticians tend to keep their opinions to themselves and let the facts do the talking, but it can be a long time before observable evidence tells the whole story.

Logisticians need to remember to take care of themselves – their stubborn dedication to stability and efficiency can compromise those goals in the long term as others lean ever-harder on them, creating an emotional strain that can go unexpressed for years, only finally coming out after it’s too late to fix. If they can find coworkers and spouses who genuinely appreciate and complement their qualities, who enjoy the brightness, clarity and dependability that they offer, Logisticians will find that their stabilizing role is a tremendously satisfying one, knowing that they are part of a system that works.

Strengths & Weaknesses

Logistician Strengths

Honest and Direct – Integrity is the heart of the Logistician personality type. Emotional manipulation, mind games and reassuring lies all run counter to Logisticians’ preference for managing the reality of the situations they encounter with plain and simple honesty.

Strong-willed and Dutiful – Logisticians embody that integrity in their actions too, working hard and staying focused on their goals. Patient and determined, people with the Logistician personality type meet their obligations, period.

Very Responsible – Logisticians’ word is a promise, and a promise means everything. Logisticians would rather run themselves into the ground with extra days and lost sleep than fail to deliver the results they said they would. Loyalty is a strong sentiment for Logistician personalities, and they fulfill their duties to the people and organizations they’ve committed themselves to.

Calm and Practical – None of their promises would mean much if Logisticians lost their tempers and broke down at every sign of hardship – they keep their feet on the ground and make clear, rational decisions. Peoples’ preferences are a factor to consider in this process, and Logisticians work to make the best use of individual qualities, but these decisions are made with effectiveness in mind more so than empathy. The same applies to criticisms, for others and themselves.

Create and Enforce Order – The primary goal of any Logistician is to be effective in what they’ve chosen to do, and they believe that this is accomplished best when everyone involved knows exactly what is going on and why. Unclear guidelines and people who break established rules undermine this effort, and are rarely tolerated by Logisticians. Structure and rules foster dependability; chaos creates unforeseen setbacks and missed deadlines.

Jacks-of-all-trades – Much like Analyst personality types, Logisticians are proud repositories of knowledge, though the emphasis is more on facts and statistics than concepts and underlying principles. This allows Logisticians to apply themselves to a variety of situations, picking up and applying new data and grasping the details of challenging situations as a matter of course.

Logistician Weaknesses

Stubborn – The facts are the facts, and Logisticians tend to resist any new idea that isn’t supported by them. This factual decision-making process also makes it difficult for people with the Logistician personality type to accept that they were wrong about something – but anyone can miss a detail, even them.

Insensitive – While not intentionally harsh, Logisticians often hurt more sensitive types’ feelings by the simple mantra that honesty is the best policy. Logistician personalities may take emotions into consideration, but really only so far as to determine the most effective way to say what needs to be said.

Always by the Book – Logisticians believe that things work best with clearly defined rules, but this makes them reluctant to bend those rules or try new things, even when the downside is minimal. Truly unstructured environments leave Logisticians all but paralyzed.

Judgmental – Opinions are opinions and facts are facts, and Logisticians are unlikely to respect people who disagree with those facts, or especially those who remain willfully ignorant of them.

Often Unreasonably Blame Themselves – All this can combine to make Logisticians believe they are the only ones who can see projects through reliably. As they load themselves with extra work and responsibilities, turning away good intentions and helpful ideas, Logisticians sooner or later hit a tipping point where they simply can’t deliver. Since they’ve heaped the responsibility on themselves, Logisticians then believe the responsibility for failure is theirs alone to bear.

Romantic Relationships

Logisticians are dependable through and through, and this trait is clearly expressed when it comes to their romantic relationships. Often representing the epitome of family values, people with the Logistician personality type are comfortable with, and often even encourage traditional household and gender roles, and look to a family structure guided by clear expectations and honesty. While their reserved nature often makes dating Logisticians challenging, they are truly dedicated partners, willing to devote tremendous thought and energy to ensure stable and mutually satisfying relationships.

Happiness and Moral Duty Are Inseparably Connected

Blind dates and random hookups are not Logisticians’ preferred methods for finding potential partners. The risk and unpredictability of these situations has Logisticians’ alarm bells ringing, and being dragged out for a night of dancing at the club just isn’t going to happen. Logistician personalities much prefer more responsible, conservative methods of dating, such as dinner with an interested coworker or, in their more adventurous moods, a setup organized through a mutual friend.

Logisticians approach relationships, as with most things, from a rational perspective, looking for compatibility and the mutual satisfaction of daily and long-term needs. This isn’t a process that Logisticians take lightly, and once commitments are established, they stick to their promises to the very end. Logisticians establish foundations, fulfill their responsibilities, and keep their relationships functional and stable.

As their relationships transitions into the long-term, Logisticians gladly see to the necessary daily tasks around the house, applying the same sense of duty to their home life that they do in the workplace.

While this may not translate into particularly exotic intimate lives, Logisticians are dependable lovers who want very much for their partners to remain satisfied. It takes patience on the part of more adventurous partners, but if different activities can be demonstrated as equally or more enjoyable than those already within Logisticians’ comfort zones, they are perfectly capable of trying something new.

However, emotional satisfaction can be another matter. While Logisticians are able to provide surprisingly good emotional support, this only happens when they realize that it’s necessary, and there’s the rub. Logisticians are not naturally receptive to others’ emotions, not unless they are stated clearly, and a partner usually only says “I’m angry” when it’s too late to address the initial grievance.

Let Your Heart Feel Their Afflictions, and Give Proportionally

People with the Logistician personality type can get so caught up in the belief in their correctness, in “winning” arguments they thought were about facts, that they don’t realize their partner may have viewed things from a perspective of consideration and sensitivity. Especially with more sensitive partners, this can be a huge challenge for the relationship. Ultimately though, Logisticians’ senses of responsibility and dedication set the tone, and they spare no effort in noting to this distinction moving forward, the consequences having been demonstrated as real.

While Logisticians’ staid approach may seem boring to some, there is an undeniable attractiveness to it, though felt perhaps more by respect and admiration than emotional passion. Logisticians’ shells hide a strong and quiet determination and reliability, rare among other personality types, which can benefit even the flightiest personalities, allowing them to stay connected to the real world while still exploring new territory. Partners who share the Observant (S) trait are the best fit for Logistician personalities, with one or two opposing traits to create balance and to expand Logisticians’ sometimes overly isolated world, such as partners with Extraverted (E) or Prospecting (P) traits.

Friendships

Logistician friends are not spontaneous. They are not talkative, or particularly playful in their affection. What Logistician friends are is loyal, trustworthy, honorable and dependable. Others may come and go with the ups and downs of life, but Logisticians stay by their friends’ sides no matter what, with a deepness of commitment that other types may not even believe is possible.

True Friendship Is a Plant of Slow Growth

Logisticians are a very methodical personality type, and this loyalty isn’t given away lightly. Often slow to make friends, Logisticians usually end up with a smaller circle, but they consider that circle to represent a promise to be there for the people they care about, and Logisticians’ promises are not easily broken.

Expressing emotional affection isn’t one of Logisticians’ stronger skills, but they nevertheless find ways to show it. As Socrates said, “To be is to do”, and Logisticians’ follow-through, their willingness to take action as a show of support, stands in for their words.

These actions convey a sensitivity that many fail to see, but it is a quality that Logisticians’ friends come to admire and depend on in the long years of their friendships.

But all of this sounds terribly serious, and indeed it only shows the one side of Logisticians and their approach to their friendships. The other side knows how to stop being quite so staid, and especially in the company of joyful and talkative Extraverts (E), Logisticians enjoy relaxing and having fun with a good discussion about work, life, and current events.

People with the Logistician personality type don’t like conflict, and this applies to how they select their friends as well. Seeking out friends with similar principles and opinions, Logisticians most often befriend other Sentinels personalities, who are likely to share their perspective and world vision. While they are unlikely to become friends with substantially different types – it simply takes too much energy to bridge the communication gap – Logistician personalities still recognize and appreciate others’ strengths and qualities.

Knowledge Is the Surest Basis of Happiness

In fact, as if to prove the point, Logisticians almost always have at least one Intuitive (N) friend in their inner circle, despite the disconnect the two perspectives bring. These are very much relationships built not on mutual understanding, but out of respect for their mutual differences. Logisticians marvel at Intuitives’ breadth of thought, being very much in tune with their own intelligence, while Intuitives admire Logisticians’ realism and dependability, something they are often hard-pressed to find in themselves. Knowledge, as always, is the great equalizer.

Parenthood

As parents, people with the Logistician personality type are often the most comfortable. Their sense of responsibility and honor blends well with a tradition that has been in place since time immemorial: to raise one’s children to be respected, contributing members of home and society. As with most commitments, Logisticians do not take their roles as parents lightly, and will make it their work to ensure that this tradition is upheld to the highest standard.

This doesn’t always come easily for their children though, as Logisticians tend to be strict, with high standards and expectations. Logistician personalities establish stable, clearly structured environments for their children, always with an eye on helping them to develop a sense of place in society, and to fulfill useful roles.

A clear sense of hierarchy is a part of developing this identity, and Logisticians work just as much to ensure an appropriate respect for authority as they do with family and societal structure.

All this loyalty, devotion and structure are of little use though when Logisticians’ children need the warmth of emotional support. While Logisticians can be sensitive towards those they care about in their own way, it’s hard for younger children and especially adolescents to recognize this tough love for the love that it is. Often Logisticians need to rely on a more sensitive partner to fill this role and mediate between rational purpose and the more ethereal sense of emotional well-being.

Success Is Owed to Our Parents’ Moral and Intellectual Teachings

People with the Logistician personality type are strongly principled, valuing patience and hard work, qualities children often struggle with. Nevertheless, Logisticians’ children are expected to meet these standards and share these values, for their own good. This approach often bears its fruit in the long run, but Logisticians must keep in mind that their approach creates natural barriers and distance that often leave their children wondering if they’re on the same team.

Taken too far, or with mutual stubbornness, this may even set in as a permanent state in the relationship, something both Logistician parents and their children ultimately regret. It is best for Logisticians to embrace and hold to their own values, but to also recognize that each person has their own goals, and to meet their children halfway in attaining theirs. Combining their natural devotion and purpose with this flexibility in support of their children’s own vision leads to a sense of mutual respect and accomplishment that any Logistician parent would be proud of.

Equality and Diversity: Mothering Difference, Making Art

I have been slow to talk or write about race and diversity because of feeling vastly ill-qualified to do so. I’ve felt I should shut up, listen and let people who do not identify as white, straight and able-bodied do the talking and the writing. But recently I have come to realise that branding myself as ill-qualified feeds into the idea that ‘white’ is all-pervasive, as if white is so much the norm that it isn’t even a race, so what would I know about it? As if I am not part of the problem. I have done enough listening now to understand that structural racism is, in large part, for white people to undo. Just as patriarchy is not only for women to solve, and if you are a wheelchair user then the issue is not your lack of able-bodied legs but the lack of lifts inside the building. As the co-leader, with Lizzy Humber, of a movement called Mothers Who Make, which claims to be for ‘every kind of mother and every kind of maker,’ I think it is probably time I asked whether this is true – are we doing it for everyone, or only a privileged few?

Immediately, it’s complicated. For a start motherhood is a colossal category, so catering for ‘every kind of mother’ is a fantastic and preposterously ambitious claim. We like to try and list them: biological, adoptive, surrogate, foster, expectant, grand, great grand, single, bereaved…..is just the start of the list. Part of the reason for the movement existing at all is that motherhood itself has an ambivalent status in relationship to privilege. ‘Pregnancy and Maternity’ are ‘protected characteristics’ according to the Equality and Human Rights commission but this only covers a mother until 26 weeks after the birth. The remaining 26 plus years of raising the child do not count. I remember at one of the first Arts Council meetings I had with regards to Mothers Who Make, the ACE officer with whom I met said to me, only half-jokingly, “So are you to blame for all the funding applications I am now receiving that include childcare costs?” Whilst being a primary carer is slowly becoming recognised as an access issue, motherhood, the ACE officer explained to me kindly, is not a disability. Becoming a mother is a chosen privilege, not an inherited challenge. You were not born with it, instead, you were the one that did the birthing. This is true, and also not the whole truth. For me, it is true that being able to care for and raise two human beings feels like a huge honour. It is also true that my experiencing and naming my mothering as such is probably a result of my own white, middle class upbringing. It is a result of my having my children in my late 30s and early 40s. But even whilst owning my middle-class-ness, I object to motherhood being framed as a kind of lifestyle choice, as if children were a nice accessory, to be obtained if you wish. Motherhood is not always chosen. In teenagers and young women motherhood is often associated, not with privilege, but with deprivation. And then there is the fact that if motherhood were a lifestyle choice it would be a fairlly terrible one – hours and hours of unpaid, undervalued labour that does nothing for your cultural capital. Meanwhile, for some, missing out on motherhood can be a source of lifelong grief. Like I said, it’s complicated. And that’s just the mothering. Then there’s the making….

When I started Mothers Who Make I decided on the word ‘make’ not just because of the alliteration with the word ‘mother.’ I decided on it because I hoped it would be more welcoming to more mothers to use an everyday verb like ‘make’, rather than a fancy noun like ‘artist.’ You can make a bed as well as a book. You can make it through the day. Make a mess. Make mistakes. Make a difference. Even so mothers are still all too ready to exclude themselves: “Oh, I don’t feel I can come at the moment, I’m not really making anything,” is something I have heard time and again from potential participants and I have to work hard at convincing them that having made some soup is as valid and valued in a MWM meeting as having put a painting on the wall of Tate Modern. The verb ‘to make’ comes close on the heels of the verb ‘to be’ in defining who we are: we are human makings – creatures that create. I have always said that if you understand the need for a group called Mothers Who Make to exist then you can come – i.e if you want to be there, you are welcome. But is that enough? Is it enough to say that anyone can join in if they like? Based on our limited statistics to date, the answer is definitely no- it’s not enough. At present we are predominantly white (96%), straight (85%) and non-disabled (85%) (Stats from 124 equality and diversity monitoring forms, not from on our online community of nearer 3000). To be in a position to have heard of the group at all, to identify with it, to want to participate, to feel able to go through the door of an arts venue (in a pre-pandemic era), I fear already necessitates a certain level of privilege. So, what to do? There is an overwhelming amount to do, but as a start Lizzy and I have put out a call for feedback and am holding two meetings to focus specifically on how to begin to extend and diversify MWM’s reach (for more details see under this blog), and already I have received some incredibly useful responses. Right now, I want to draw on and explore three strands of feedback.

The first (thanks to Lucy Bell) was that MWM’s vibe – in terms of the images we put out, verbal and visual, and the culture of the group – leans towards what is often referred to as ‘attachment parenting.’ Our intention is to hold spaces that are non-judgemental and that do not condone or condemn any particular style of mothering. There is no right answer as to how to mother, how to make or how to manage the extraordinary challenge of doing both. Everyone has to do what is right for their particular circumstances, and their child/ren, and we recognise that ‘right’ even for an individual is an always changing work-in-progress. Part of the point of the network is to share and make visible to one another the enormous range of the answers that people explore and live out. However, in large part because my own solutions to the conundrums of mothering have been attachment parenting ones, I believe this has impacted the vibe of MWM and agree that, if this is not your style of parenting, it might make you steer clear. 

The second piece of feedback (thanks to Zoe Gardner), was that MWM’s spaces, in person or online, often invite ambiguity, asking people to wear double identities, and therefore to blend or blur them. It implies in its name a relationship between mothering and making, a mucky mixture of selves and practices. I think this links back to the attachment parenting point – again I recognise it in myself. It’s what I do – I breastfeed my children, whilst typing my blogs sitting on their bedroom floor. I co-sleep with them and with my notebooks. I have carried the children in slings into rehearsal rooms and meetings. Both my mothering and making styles have been thoroughly messy, emergent and have involved much merging of spaces, tasks, beds, books and more. I strongly suspect that this tendency in me, which has in turn, to date, influenced the messaging of MWM, is connected to my relative privilege: if the gates are open to you, then you can afford to experiment with taking the walls down, rearranging the boundary lines; if the gates are closed to you, then messing with the walls isn’t necessarily an option, and might well be off-putting.

There is a further twist in this however- whilst many of these practices now seem white and middle class, their recent origins are most definitely non-western. A key text, written in 1975, which fuelled the whole attachment parenting movement, was The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff. Liedloff was inspired by her time spent living with the indigenous Yequana people in Venezuela. The Yequana carried their babies in slings, co-slept with them, breastfed on demand. MWM’s principle of holding spaces that are ‘adult-centred but child-friendly’ is directly linked to one of Liedloff’s key observations of how the Yequana raised their children in the midst of adult activity, as opposed to segregating them off into child-centred environments. I was born when the Continuum Concept first came out, when carrying your baby on your back would have been identified, by most in the UK, as something a woman from Africa might do, not a practice done by a white woman in Oxfordshire (my mother). Jump on forty years and, if you google images of ‘baby on back,’ the first one that comes up is of a white man with an Ergo-baby sling, a white baby inside it, standing smiling in his garden. This feels like dangerous and difficult territory. This shift could be framed as western culture growing more diverse, or as an act of appropriation, or both. Whichever it is, it adds to the complexity of the picture, which brings me to the third piece of feedback.

           It came as a question on Facebook (thanks to Wendy Thomson) “Are we in white knight/ saviour behaviour mode?”- are non-white mothers, for example, doing just fine, thank you very much, with their own groups and support networks? And then there was also a response (thanks to Kit Whitfield Thomas) “I don’t think it is white knight mode, just manners. What is the alternative? – not trying to include us and assuming we should just sort it all out ourselves?” And along with this Kit made a request not to assume anything, a request, as a mother of a SEN child, for an acknowledgement that “no experience of motherhood is universal”. I think these are all vital questions and requests. We must keep inviting but be alert to our manners – the manner and the mode of the invitation, to keep making and holding space for, not the universe, but the countless, complex, diverse versions of experiences within it.

           These three pieces of feedback have helped me to begin to think more deeply about diversity and equality, inclusion and exclusion in relation to MWM and beyond. Mothers Who Make already excludes – it is explicitly not for everyone – the clue is in the name. I have been challenged on this point repeatedly, most often with the question: “What about fathers?”. My response stems from a belief in specificity and difference. Equal does not mean ‘the same as.’ It may mean having the same pay, the same rights, the same access to opportunities, but it does not mean having the same experiences or identity. For now there needs to be a movement called ‘Black Lives Matter’ not ‘All Lives Matter,’ which doesn’t mean white lives don’t matter; and there needs to be a group called ‘Mothers Who Make’ not ‘Parents who Make,’ even though there are many creative fathers who also need support. Some lives that have not been deemed to matter, need to be visibly valued right now. Some experiences that have been marginalised need a special, protected space. Even in a utopian future, I am not sure the aim should be a world where we no longer need these groups and movements that hold space for specific differences, such as the black, the trans, the queer, the disabled, the maternal– and of course within each of these categories are a thousand further differences. My utopian vision would not be of a colour-blind world, in which no one notices race anymore, but rather one involving ever sharper vision. One in which people would see everything, every colour, pattern, nuance, every difference in ever greater detail.

           For the second time this year I find myself reaching for my copy of the parenting classic, ‘Siblings without Rivalry’ by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. One of its chapters is headed “Equal is less:”

“To be loved equally….is somehow to be loved less. To be loved uniquely—for one’s own special self—is to be loved as much as we need to be loved.”

Back in February I quoted this same line within a blog about rivalry. I wrote,

“Yes, this makes sense. Equal is still in the paradigm of quantity. Equal implies that you could have more than me, even if we have the same. It explains my children bickering over identical chocolate bars – they both have exactly the same, and that, in the end, is not enough, not what they want. They want their differences, not their same-ness…as long as we remain in the world of quantities, of equal signs, then there is always an implied risk that one of them could lose - minus, subtraction, less, loss.”

Often ‘equal’ connotes a measure-able amount which results, I believe, in this fear of scarcity. The phrase ‘equal access,’ seems more useful. It is not the gold, but the access to the gold, that needs to be shared. This may seem like a crazy distinction, but I think it is important – it makes equality a dynamic process not an amount, the swaying of the scales, not the stuff weighed out in them. My children are not equal, they are not static, not quantifiable. As a mother, my job is not to treat them the same, but rather to recognise and celebrate their evolving, see-sawing differences. In a way their differences are the gold, and it is plentiful. Diversity involves a generous kind of maths – multiplication – always more. Equality and Diversity monitoring forms, however, involve more difficult calculations- our differences are boxed,tracked and stacked into statistics in pursuit of everyone having equal access. It is hard to keep the sense of equality as a dynamic process when faced with those forms. So, whilst they are a critical tool on a vital quest, I think we also need to keep doing the other sum- the one so long that it never reaches the equals sign but we know the answer to it is infinity – a glorious inventory of our never-ending differences.

As is recognised in the work of Abraham Maslow, in Marshal Rosenburg’s Non-Violent Communication, and in many spiritual traditions, if you go far enough with detailing the differences, patterns begin to emerge – we start to connect up, to equal one another at the deepest level of our needs. “Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a green field,” writes Rumi, the 12th C Sufi poet, and once we meet there, there is another inventory to be found, a list of the fundamentals to which we all require and deserve access: food, shelter, rest, warmth, autonomy, play, love……the complete sum of our same-ness.

           For the last month my daughter has wanted the same bedtime book. Unprompted she has had her four-year-old finger on the pulse of the world’s process, for she has asked me again and again for ‘Mix,’ by Arree Chung. It is a beautiful, witty picture book, that I would recommend to anyone wanting to talk about difference and race with their children. It opens:

“In the beginning there were three colours: Reds, Yellows and Blues. Reds were the loudest, Yellows were the brightest and Blues were the coolest. Everyone lived in colour harmony, until one day when a red said, ‘Reds are the best!’….”

The colours decide to divide – to live in separate parts of the city. But then a Blue and a Yellow fall in love, and, contentiously, the first interracial marriage takes place. A mixed-race child is born - they call her Green. Slowly the other colours are inspired- more and more mixing follows, until at last they give up on segregation. The final line is my favourite one in the book: “The new city was full of colour. It wasn’t perfect, but it was home.” I love that the happy ending is imperfect – it makes equality dynamic again, not a final prize possession but an unfolding multi-coloured process.

Meanwhile, Mothers who Make will continue to hand out equality and diversity monitoring forms. But alongside these, we will also start to interrogate and diversify the kinds of images and words we use, the places we advertise ourselves, the venues with which we work, the range of events we hold, in an effort to make ourselves more genuinely accessible to mothers and makers of every kind. Right now, I have, not so much a question of the month, as a request to put to you: I want to know about how you are different. I want to know about what you need. I want to know how to access you and how you might best access me, us, MWM. This is a fourfold invitation: you can write to me with your feedback via email - [email protected] . You can come to one of the diversity meetings happening this month (details below). And you can fill in our equality and diversity form so we can gain a more accurate picture of our network: https://forms.gle/wgDm335c1zQbaKer7  

Lastly, you can do this: go beyond the boxes- go as deep as you can into your difference. Whether it is your ethnic identity, your neurodiversity, your sexuality, your gender, your disability, your child’s disability, your mental health challenges. Articulate it however you wish. Maybe it will be a list, an inventory. Maybe a letter. A photo. A drawing. A song. Be as specific as you can. Name all your identities, all your differences. This is a creative injunction - I believe it may in fact be where making begins - tracking your difference, your way of accessing the world, as the origin of art.  

Our diversity-focussed meetings, via Zoom, open to all, are on: Thursday 9th July 1-2.30pm BST and Tuesday 28th July 10-11.30am BST. Children are welcome too. Email [email protected] if you wish to attend.

I'm just a foreign faction. Irreconcilable conflict at parties I feel like a chain reaction but sadly i don't know where it started

PART 1: THE BASICS

·         What is your full name?

Nyah Danielle Woods

·         Where and when were you born?

Nací el 17 de mayo de 1991 en Drammen (Noruega) pero viví la mayoría de mi vida en Vestfossen, un pequeño pueblo de no más de 4000 habitantes.

·         Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

Mi padre se llama Alan y trabaja como carpintero en un pueblo del interior de Noruega, conoció a mi madre, Camille, en Inglaterra cuando ambos tenían veinticuatro años y se casaron al año siguiente. Mamá estudió para ser maestra de primaria y se jubiló el año pasado, así que ahora se dedica a la jardinería y a cocinar los mejores pasteles que he probado en mi vida. No sé si siguen enamorados, lo más probable es que no, pero se quieren lo suficiente como para cuidarse y preocuparse por el otro. Muchas veces deseo encontrar a alguien que me haga sentir la mitad de segura de lo que se sienten ellos. Parece imposible, la verdad.

·         Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

·         Tengo una hermana menor, Genevive. Tiene veinte años y vive aún con mis padres. Siempre nos hemos llevado bien aunque ella es mucho más agradable que yo, ha estudiado Historia y ahora da clases en la escuela del pueblo. No sé cómo soporta vivir allí, a su edad lo único que quería era mudarme a la ciudad y conocer a la mayor cantidad de personas posible.

·         Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

·         Ahora vivo en Drammen con mi gata, una ciudad de setenta mil habitantes, a unos 47 km de Oslo, lo que la vuelve aún más increíble porque puedo disfrutar de la tranquilidad de la pequeña población pero huir a la gran ciudad cuando tengo ánimos. Suele hacer mucho frío y cada vez que sale el sol se siente como si el día fuera a ser increíble, no importa que suceda. También hay una vasta cantidad de árboles lo que permite hacer hiking y un lago precioso que da al Fiordo de Oslo.

·         What is your occupation?

·         Tengo un pequeño bar, así que mi ocupación es servirle bebidas a la gente y algunas veces…algo más que bebidas. Sin embargo me gradué de abogada hace unos años aunque nunca ejercí; también pinto, de vez en cuando logro que alguno de mis cuadros se venda por más de 1000 coronas noruegas (algo así como cien dólares)

·         Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

·         Me siento como niña de primaria contestando esta pregunta, cómo cuando intentabas que aprendieras a describir personas. Creo que mido 1.57-58mt. y peso como 52 kg o algo así, tengo el cabello oscuro y lo suelo llevar trenzado y suelto, mis ojos son de color marrón oscuro, casi como esos caramelos de café que suelen darte cuando te vas de viaje. Tengo un par de tatuajes, creo que siete, distribuidos por las piernas y los brazos y algunas cicatrices en las manos porque cuando era pequeña solía tirar muchos vasos al piso y terminaba con heridas debido a los vidrios.

·         To which social class do you belong?

·         ¿Clase media? Gano lo suficiente como para alimentarme, vestirme, salir y darme algunos gustos. Supongo que clase media…a baja. En fin, pago las cuentas y me sobra algo.  

·         Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

·         Soy alérgica a los mariscos…y los odio.

·         Are you right- or left-handed?

·         Diestra.

·         What does your voice sound like?

·         Nunca me había puesto a pensar en esto. Creo que tengo un tono de voz regular, ni muy agudo ni muy grave…no lo sé, sería más sencillo grabar un audio que describir como sueno.

·         What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

·         Fuck.

·         What do you have in your pockets?

·         Un par de monedas y un papel de caramelo.

·         Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

·         Bueno, no me gusta que los platos estén sucios y no soporto que la gente no se tape la boca al estornudar o toser. Creo que eso es todo.

·          

PART 2: GROWING UP

·         How would you describe your childhood in general?

Fue bastante entretenida pero creo que como toda infancia tengo material para trabajar en terapia. Mis padres trabajan muchísimo para poder llevar comida a la mesa, pero los fines de semana solíamos pasarlos los cuatro juntos, íbamos a hacer senderismo o a pescar. También solíamos acampar con mi hermana en el patio trasero y salíamos en las tardes a juntar flores para mi madre.

·         What is your earliest memory?

Uno de los pasillos de mi casa de la infancia, estaba pintado de color verde oscuro y tenía colgados en las paredes algunos retratos de mis abuelos.

·         How much schooling have you had?

Primaria, secundaria y Universidad. The Full pack.

·         Did you enjoy school?

Sí, era bastante interesante.

·         Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

En casa, investigando y luego viviendo en la ciudad, tenía una amiga que trabajaba en un bar y me consiguió un puesto…de ahí en adelante comencé a preparar tragos para todos.

·         While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

Creo que no, eso lo hizo todo más difícil porque de alguna forma tuve que decidir y armar mi propio camino.

·         While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

Mis padres y mi hermana. La familia de mi mamá vivía en Inglaterra y la de mi padre del otro lado de Noruega así que las visitas no eran seguidas.

·         As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Carpintera como mi padre.

·         As a child, what were your favorite activities?

Jugar con mi hermana y pasear por el campo cuando comenzaban a florecer los árboles en primavera.

·         As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

Era bastante tímida con la gente que no conocía pero siempre fui muy creativa e intentaba sobresalir en lo que me proponía.

·         As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

Para nada, tenía unos tres amigos y nada más. De todas formas eso era una cantidad importante teniendo en cuenta que no éramos más de trescientos en la escuela.

·         When and with whom was your first kiss?

Fue a los quince años con uno de mis mejores amigos de aquel momento. Estábamos sentados en un banco en el parque frente al colegio y…simplemente ocurrió. Fue bastante incómodo porque yo pensaba que lo que había entre nosotros era una simple amistad.

·         Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

No, no lo soy. Tuve mi primera relación sexual al comenzar la universidad, fue con una chica bastante más grande que yo, pero me encantaba…era muy graciosa y me prestaba la suficiente atención como para que me sintiera especial. Fue bonito, raro, inesperado, pero bonito.

·         If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

Bueno…creo que todos sabemos que sucede conmigo. Y realmente no me gusta hablar de ello. Si bien he descrito mi vida como la vida de cualquier persona, el vecino de al lado, la chica que te gusta que se sienta frente a ti en matemáticas, claramente mi existencia no es normal. Aunque me encantaría que lo fuera.

 PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

·         What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

La muerte de mi mejor amiga. Se llamaba Sydney. Tampoco me gusta hablar de eso.

·         Who has had the most influence on you?

Mi madre. Y probablemente Jodie Foster…miraba sus películas de pequeña y me preguntaba como una mujer podía ser tan atractiva. ¿La respuesta? Eres lesbiana, Nyah.

·         What do you consider your greatest achievement?

¿Seguir viva?

·         What is your greatest regret?

No haberle dicho a Sydney cuanto la quería…desperdicié mucho tiempo intentando saber si era seguro decirle lo que sentía por ella.

·         What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

Además de hacerle maldades a mi hermana menor…creo que todos hemos hecho algo malo siendo lo que somos. No me atrevo a decir qué pero algunas noches no puedo dormir pensando en ello.

·         Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

No. Sé cuando correr.

·         When was the time you were the most frightened?

Cada vez que Whispers o alguno de sus aliados se aparece siento que estoy maldita y que mi existencia puede lastimar a las personas que quiero.

·         What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

Ese primer beso con mi mejor amigo. No pude verlo a la cara por un par de semanas.

·         If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

No descubrir que estaba mal conmigo, creo que hubiera preferido tener esa sensación de angustia toda mi vida a saber que estoy conectada con otras personas de la forma en la que lo estoy. Era más fácil vivir en la oscuridad que no soportar la verdad.

·         What is your best memory?

Mi cumpleaños número veinte. Hicimos una gran fiesta, fuimos de bar en bar toda la noche y terminamos durmiendo en la terraza, nos despertamos cuando el sol nos dio en la cara y volvimos a salir de fiesta porque éramos jóvenes y estúpidas.

·         What is your worst memory?

El funeral de Sydney.

 PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

·         Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

Pesimista

·         What is your greatest fear?

Que le pase algo malo a alguien que quiero.

·         What are your religious views?

¿La verdad? Ya ni sé.

·         What are your political views?

¿Izquierdas?

·         What are your views on sex?

Divertido, genial, interesante, siempre y cuando las dos personas (o más) estén de acuerdo y se sientan seguras.

·         Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

¿No lo somos todos? Creo que si mi vida o la de alguien que quiero está en peligro…es algo que podría pasar.

·         In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

No lo sé. ¿Destruir al planeta? ¿Abusar de los demás? Hay demasiadas posibilidades.

·         Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

Me gustaría pensar que sí pero a la vez siento que es una forma de no sentirnos tan solos…aunque teniendo en cuenta mi situación, no estoy realmente sola casi nunca.

·         What do you believe makes a successful life?

Querer y que te quieran. Quizás poder pagar las cuentas y tener suficiente como para viajar y experimentar cosas nuevas. No lo sé, supongo que varía a medida que vas creciendo. Pregúntame en cinco años.

·         How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

Soy lo más honesta que puedo, intent no mentir a menos que sea extremadamente importante hacerlo, sin embargo me sigue costando abrirme con la gente, siento que todo el mundo puede lastimarme, que es estúpido confiar en mi posición.

·         Do you have any biases or prejudices?

Los hombres son idiotas…¿prejuicio? Nah.

·         Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

Sé que varias preguntas atrás dije que estaría dispuesta a matar si estuviera en peligro, pero a la vez siento que me niego a hacerlo. Ya he dicho que es todo muy confuso, me gustaría pensar que soy lo suficientemente inteligente como para no ponerme a mí ni a otros en riesgo y así evitar una situación como esta pero...¿qué tan segura puedo estar?

·         Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

Cualquier miembro de mi familia.

 PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

·         In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

Suelo ser amable de primeras, probablemente bastante fría o lejana, pero amable. Me cuesta confiar en las personas así que no es fácil para mi mostrarme cariñosa o cálida, recurro al humor para romper el hielo pero naturalmente mantengo mis vínculos bastante superficiales.

·         Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Mis padres y mi hermana, creo que la respuesta se da sola.

·         Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

Mi madre, me sorprende que haya dejado su país, a su familia y se haya lanzado a una aventura con mi padre siendo tan joven y sin tener ahorros. Puede que se vea como una estupidez pero yo no fui lo suficientemente valiente como para hacerlo cuando debería haberlo hecho.

·         Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

Tengo amigos…no mejores amigos. Se llaman Hannah, Mikaela y Johan, los tres viven en la misma ciudad que yo y nos vemos de vez en cuando, generalmente dos veces al mes cuando el trabajo no está ahogando a alguno de nosotros. Los  conocí a los tres en la universidad, ellos sí trabajan de abogados.

·         Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

No.

·         Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

Sí. De Sydney…nunca se lo dije y cuando quise hacerlo fue muy tarde.

·         What do you look for in a potential lover?

Que sea inteligente, compartamos ciertos valores, no le moleste que tenga conexiones a cada rato…aunque probablemente nunca le cuente esto último, me quiera y respete y...no lo sé, que sea honesta y comunicativa.

·         How close are you to your family?

Muy cercana.

·         Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

No. Ni siquiera tengo pareja…y no sé si quiero hijos, me da un poco de miedo.

·         Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

Mikaela, tiene auto y dinero…y probablemente me ayude sin preguntar para que es el efectivo.

·         Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

No, creo que soy un objetivo muy obvio como para que alguien me proteja si intentan hacerme daño.

·         If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

Mis amigos y familia…quizás algún sensate…no lo sé, honestamente.

·         Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

Whispers. Esa fue fácil. Obvias razones.

·         Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

·         Evito el conflicto pero si es necesario…discuto. Y por lo general, gano.

·         Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

No. Me gusta pasar desapercibida.

·         Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

No, demasiado  ruido. Sé que es bastante ridículo teniendo en cuenta que soy dueña de un bar pero bueno, ahí me dan dinero.

·         Do you care what others think of you?

Un poco, no me gusta que la gente piense que soy una mala persona o que sientan que no soy de fiar, aunque sé que me lo gano siendo tan desconfiada y cerrada. Prometo que soy más suave de lo que se ve.

 PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

·         What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

Pintar y escuchar música en mi casa. Sin dudas.

·         What is your most treasured possession?

Un anillo que me regaló mi madre para mi cumpleaños número veinticinco.

·         What is your favorite color?

Verde oscuro, como el color de los pinos.

·         What is your favorite food?

Pasta  con salsa o una tarta de manzanas.

·         What, if anything, do you like to read?

Me gustan las novelas de misterio o policiales, también disfruto de las historias de terror.

·         What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

Escucho música constantemente, así que esa es mi respuesta instantánea. Pero disfruto de ver películas o series cuando estoy en casa, no tanto ir al cine porque hay demasiadas personas. Los museos también son divertidos, evito los grandes grupos y me paso horas allí adentro.

·         Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

Fumo, no demasiado. También bebo... Quizás un poco demás. Me gustaría manejarlo un poco mejor, creo que se puede volver un problema en algún momento.

·         How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

Trabajando. Es uno de los días en los que mejor funciona el bar.

·         What makes you laugh?

Vines... Y mis amigos.

·         What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

Que juzguen a las personas por su orientación sexual, aspecto físico o la cantidad de relaciones o vínculos sexuales tengan.

·         What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

Tomar un calmante y meditar hasta que me caiga de sueño.

·         How do you deal with stress?

Whisky.

·         Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

Mitad y mitad, por lo general si planeo demasiado las cosas salen mal.Principio del formulario

·         Final del formulario

·         What are your pet peeves?

Que me roben comida del plato y hagan ruidos con las uñas.

 PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

·         Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

Me despierto, me lavo los dientes mientras pongo la cafetera a funcionar. Desayuno, me cambio y busco mi teléfono para salir a caminar un rato, hago las compras del día, almuerzo y me baño. Luego me voy al bar y limpio, preparo todo y abro. Pateo el trasero de algunos borrachos y cierro el negocio como a las dos o tres de la mañana antes de volver a mi casa y caerme de sueño. No me gusta que mi rutina cambie pero ya sabes, las conexiones suceden.

·         What is your greatest strength as a person?

Me adapto y sé lidiar con los problemas aunque en principio pueda abrigarme. En algún punto encuentro un botón que me pone en modo resolutiva así que corrijo lo que haga falta y sigo.

·         What is your greatest weakness?

Mi miedo a abrirme, lo que me hace parecer fría y extremadamente desconfiada.

·         If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

No ser sensate.

·         Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

Introvertida.

·         Are you generally organized or messy?

Organizada en mi desorden.

·         Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

Soy buena en: Hacer tragos, pintar y escuchar problemas ajenos. Soy mala en: hacer amigos, organizar fiestas y confiar en la gente.

·         Do you like yourself?

Sí.

·         What are your reasons for being an adventurer? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…)

Supongo que saber que lo que haga puede lastimar a los demás. No creo que las razones cambien si tengo público o no.

·         What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

¿Sinceramente? Solo quiero vivir tranquila.

·         Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Próxima pregunta.

·         If you could choose, how would you want to die?

Durmiendo.

·         If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

Tomar whisky, abrazar a mi familia y tomar whisky con mi familia.

·         What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

Ser amable y honesta. Sé que es difícil porque no dejo que me conozcan lo suficiente pero espero que sean esas cosas.

·         What three words best describe your personality?

Calmada, resolutiva y sensible.

·         What three words would others probably use to describe you?

Fría, despreocupada y generosa.

How does one build a good self perception? I’ve been hating myself for the past couple of yrs, mostly bc I feel like an ugly nobody with no friends, and people don’t see something therefore I’ve just learned to accept that I am gonna be like this forever bc I’ve put in so much effort yet I’m still like this and people don’t see how much I’ve improved bc some of them are shallow bitches. I feel like a 2 compared to the 9s and the 10s around me.

i think the first step towards developing a good self-perception would actually to examine how you interact with the world, what kind of template you use to make sense of things around you, and how that affects in return the way you see yourself. from your message, i get that you’ve convinced yourself that everyone is rated on a scale from one to ten, and that’s the first thing that you need to get rid of: the assumption that people’s worth can be quantified by a pseudo objective scale. there is no objective scale to measure if people are on the “upper half”, the “worthy half”, the ones that take the cake, the ones that win at absolutely everything in life, the ones that are validated because their shell is seemingly more attractive than yours, the one that are just more interesting in general and so since they’re above the average mark they must be better thank you and that’s what you should strive tor. now i get that there are beauty standards at play here and many other external, structural influences weighing down on you, but who said you had to play the game? who told you that you had to use shallow parameters to describe yourself, and others while you’re at it?

another thing is that to build a good sense of self, to have a good relationship who you are at your core (even if you don’t know who that is, but we’ll get to that later), to build a partnership with yourself based on self-respect, you need to stop outsourcing what determines your innate worthiness to others. i understand your anger and your frustration. why can’t other people just GET that you’re trying to best to conform better to the ideals society beat us up with? why can’t they see that you’re trying to comform to the parameters of their game? if yu think like that, you’ll never achieve anything good for yourself. i personally think that seeking validation for fleeting, superficial, ever-changing characteristics will only lead you to keep on chasing a chimera. externalising the source of what makes the foundation of your self-perception will only lead to disappointment and a warped sense of yourself. and it truly does not need to be like that.

to begin with, i’d totally get rid of that self-disrespect you’ve got going on. you’re neither ugly, nor are you a nobody, and even if you think you don’t have friends, everyone has at least one person who thinks positively and fondly of them. sometimes, in the depth of our misery, we forget about them, but you would be doing everyone a disservice by consciously ignoring their presence, because they deeply care about you. maybe you don’t see it because you’re so deep in your self-hatred that you cannot possibly fathom that any fool could actually love you (as a friend or otherwise) but it’s just your brain doing an inside job on yourself. positive reinforcement will lead to positive results. negative reinforcement has a very real, observable impact on the chemical composition of your brain and your thought process, and the more you do it, the more you’ll fulfill the damning prophecy that you’ve crafted because of many reasons, but partly because you think lowly of yourself. it’s a vicious circle that you need to break out of. so even if it feels fake and dishonest at first, even if self-deprecation is a defense mechanism you’ve built to cope with how harshly the world treats you, even if you want to hide from yourself, BE KIND TO YOURSELF. i don’t believe you’d call anyone an ugly friendless nobody, because i believe you’re a kind person, but you haven’t shown any compassion to yourself in a long time, and you’ve forgotten how to treat yourself gently and with sympathy. it’s hard to shed years of social conditioning but i’ve been through that and it becomes easier and easier everyday. you have to hold accountable for your negative thoughts: every time one pops up, you must stand up to this harsh, cruel voice in your head and tell it that you’re in fact a good soul, a beautiful soul, because you choose to be that and to act in such manner, that you are a somebody with a voice that matters despite what has been thrown at you for years, and that you will not keep yourself down, even out of spite.

i’d recommend you do some soul-searching and assess as objectively as possible what you think makes a good person, a person who can live at peace with themselves, a person who won’t be swayed by superficial standards that are meant to keep you subjugated and in a state of self-hatred (probably to sell you something whether it’s a product or a lifestyle or an ideology). fostering respect for yourself will only reinforce positively the fact that you are innately worthy. you are someone, and it is up to you to define who that person is, and how they’re going to interact with the world from now on, and how they’re going to respect themselves, protect themselves from the ugly negative voices around them, and love themselves enough to know at their core that they deserve the very best, from themselves and from others. nobody could ever do it for you, it’s something that has to come from within, but it can certainly be helped by the warm and kind presence of other people who SEE you even when you can’t. i don’t know you and i don’t know what you’re dealing with and from whom but since we’re both on the internet, and you’ve reached out to me, i think it is possible for you to foster a community on here that will remind you that you’re not on a scale, that nobody ever is, and that means that you can be who you want to be, and that nobody else can decide that for you. because this is not an easy road with no bump and no obstacle! you will falter, and you’ll pick yourself up, because you’re resilient and you know that you matter. that’s the kind of self-perception i think would be sustainable for you to foster, and that will allow you to connect with your environment in a healthier way. i wish you the best of luck and if you need any more help, hit me up.

Then it Wasn’t

Here is my Montgomery De La Cruz AU

Yes it’s probably cheesy, but whatever. I have ideas for the next part so let me know if that’s something you want to see.

Thanks!

(Not my gif. Awesome job @marleenaalexandra​)

There was no way I  wanted to go into my Junior year the same way I left Sophmore year. As in, a nerdy, somewhat oversized, average, virgin.

Unfortunately, there was only two of those things that had quick fixes and if I got even a B in a class my dad would kill me. Possibly literally.

----

 After a brief panic attack, followed by positive affirmations to myself, it was decided. Sounds like the man-made virginal concept was gonna go. Come hell or high water I was getting laid before the school year started.

----

Fast forward a week and I was going -- willingly -- to one of my first real high school house parties. Jessica Davis was having a back to school “get together”. I mean, it wasn’t that I’d never been invited out of spite or anything. I’d been asked by some kids throughout the last couple years. Just never felt inclined to go. But with my new school year resolution… It was this or nothing.

-----

This party is absolute madness, and there is no way I dressed correctly if these girls are anything to go by. My too-big plaid shirt and leggings didn’t show near enough of .. anything compared to these sloshed, but admittedly, pretty, decent girls. They seemed to delicately toe the line between “hot” and “slutty”. Meanwhile I was cornering the market on lumberjane chic. Fuck me.

No matter, I was gonna land some dick (do people even say that?? Jesus Y/N.) if it was the last thing I did. Speaking of --

“Hey there. Looking lonely. I figured I’d see if you’d like a drink or a dance?” asked a vaguely familiar, black haired boy.

“Actually, I’m trying to get some tonight So, no alcohol Consent and all that..” I rambled; catching myself with another internal scream of how ridiculous I was to say that out loud. 

Tommy, yes that was his name, took in what I said. His eyes grew wide while a, admittedly creepy, smile stretched across his face. This had to be a feat all on its own since he was on the scrawny side to begin with, and his face was pulled sharply down his long face anyhow. Overall, he was attractive enough though.

“Oh really,” he laughed into his cup of who-knows-what.

I took is momentary distraction to force the tomato color from my face and neck. “Wow. Sorry, that sounded terrible!”

“No!” he spluttered over his cup. “I mean, that’s really why most people come to these things anyway. Right? At least you’re honest.”

“Yeah,” I grimaced. “To a fault sometimes. You’re, uh, you’re Tommy right?”

“Yup. Foster.” he said as he gestured up the stairs past the throng of grinding teens. “Whatcha think?”

After taking a second to recover and remember what he was getting at, “Oh! Sex. Yeah. Uhm, okay. Why not?” (God dang it.. ugh.)

“How romantic,” he drawled with his lips pulled up on one side while he took my hand and led me to the stairs.

We made it to the top of the stairs and rounded the hall only to be stopped by someone stumbling out of the bathroom. 

Not looking as they fixed their fly, a tall body collided with mine, but large hands reached out to catch me before I fell backwards.

“Jesus!” I yelped as my shock turned to annoyance. “Oh… it’s you.”

“Y/N? What are you doing at an actual fucking party, and sneaking up the stairs no less!?” chuckled none other than my irritating neighbor since infancy, Montgomery De La Cruz. But his snickering faded when he looked over from me to the boy who still had a grip on my forearm. “With..? Foster?”

“It’s a party Monty. We came, we saw, and now we brought the party up here man,” interrupted Tommy holding out his hand for a “celebratory” fist bump. Bro style.

Apparently, that wasn’t going to happen.

“Party?” sneered Montgomery looking back to me. “With him? No. No, Y/N.”

I backed away as he reached out to pull me to his side of the hall. With furrowed brows I growled, “Excuse me?”

“Yeah dude. We’re fine,” piped up Tommy as we tried to bypass him to finish finding an empty room.

“Y/N, this is your first party, and I think you’re drunk. I’ll tell the guys I have to go, and I will take you home,” urged Monty with a hand out to stop Tommy from walking even one more step.

“No Monts. I haven’t had anything stronger than a Cherry Dr. Pepper asshat.” I threw back at him as my whole body tensed up.

Tommy just stood beside us gaping like a fish out of water. Probably assuming all kinds of things and none of them were true.

“Ya know Y/N.. maybe I should just go..?” he let the statement bleed into a question more directed at Montgomery than me.

In return, Monty fixed him with a look of incredulous irritation, “Yeah Foster. Probably a good idea.”

And just like that, snap, Tommy Foster rushed back down the stairs with his proverbial tail between his legs.

“What the absolute fuck Cruz?!” I yelled.

With the first sign of my rising voice he started herding me further down the hall, and away from the stairs.

“What do you mean, ‘What the fuck’,” he asked in a stage whisper. “You finally get the lady-balls to come to an actual party and you book it up the stairs with that fucktard first thing??”

After that I was livid.

“That fucktard?” I practically screeched. “That-- that guy was my best chance at getting laid tonight Montgomery.”

“Getting laid? Since when-- What? That’s why you came?” he spluttered.

“Duh.” I spat while I rolled my eyes so hard I thought they would get stuck up there. “Why? I can’t be looking for a good time? Isn’t that why you came? Why you always party? Ya know what-- Maybe that isn’t why you come to these fucking things. But it isn’t like I have dudes lining up down the block or dick flying at me from all directions twenty-four-seven--”

“I--” he tried to interject, but I was past heated and moving onto the tear-filled frustration of someone trying to explain their deeply ingrained self-consciousness.

“I’m not going into another school year as the frumpy-- nerdy-- virgin De La Cruz!” I cried. “Even if I am the only one that knows I’ve changed; something’s got to give, and there is only one of those shitty defining characteristics I can do anything about right now. And you ruined it. We start school in five days asshole!”

“You just ‘need’ fucked Y/N?” he asked after a stint of silence while he tucked a wet piece of hair back away from my face. “Could have just said something a couple years ago. I could’ve just hopped the fence. No worries birdy. I can give you a hand… Or two.”

UNDERSTAND SELF

CHAPTER 1 I choose one philosophy to reflect my personal self his also David Hume why i choose his theory because I believe that there is no self, that also l known that there is self if I experience in our environment and the contents of their experience I will find that there is only think that I know my entities it about my impression and ideas about impression is there is basic of me that I experienced such I hate people and feel love my family and some, joy ,grief, pain cold, heat a simple and individual impression that they call my self where my self are totality experience conscious life and the ideas is defined however, are my thoughts and images from my impression so they less of lively and vivid and Hume is argues that it cannot be from any of these impression that the idea of self derived and consequently there is no self. Everything will also happen our every step to become and a survivor but we need to use our self or using our mind but why I believe that there is no slef because I don't to that who I am if not people to know me but if I'm using and impression and ideas I know that there is my self where my belong but every person are different collection of perception. I know every person have own believe if how to know the self why I'm also looking forward to seeing everyone because I want to find my self to my family, friend and also God, since when I was young I reflect this theory for my past young because everyone talk me that if i know my self I said no i don't know who I am why I can't believe that I know my self because the truth is for me there is no self then I never find where is my self going if I'm being immature or if didn't control my self to everyone saying but in looking forward to being satisfied what I have done to me now and also for always my family guide me and include my friend for all advice i believe that there is no self for me. CHAPTER 2 I reflect my personal self to sociological perspective of the self because human behavior is influenced by group life. Like me I have my own behavior to influenced to other it all about Good side and bad side but me i see to people my false side to not judge others.But also oneself is formed through interaction with other people groups or social institutions. This chapter draws my principles ad concepts of the sociologist to Foster student understanding because sociology wants every student to know what about sociological perspective, like me I have lots of understanding about he principles and perspective so that the impacts of being me a human and self-improvement and self-understanding for to know who you are and what you are , for me who you are if I reflect my personal self I about that is defined that who I am and if iknow myself being my impression and ideas and to understanding of the self to relationship in watching my self to others relationship and the what you are it's reflect to what about me and my history and how to handle my self being and matured, peparatory stage when I was young defined that what happen my young past the person around me, especially family members with my daily interaction this stage when I was young are just preparing for role-taking and the next stage is play stage when I was 3to5 years old to start me to communicate through language and others symbols and I learns how to make everything and last stage is game stage when I begins to early school years when I'm 8to9 years old to understand not only my own social position and rounds tem this time, they can have a more sophisticated looks pople and my ability to response to numerous member the social environment doing this stage and my self is now present. CHAPTER 3 Recognize what the field of anthropology can contribute to the understanding of the self and how understand culture and self are complementary concepts. This chapter is self embedded in culture I reflec my personal self because of culture being an own believe and being a Filipino and I practice among my different society reveal ways how around my society culture , self and identify in the desire to come up my better understanding of my self, and everything here around our life is more on temporary so we need to accept everything what you have because it's important the thinks that ishare my ideas to others na want my help an our nature is the is individual potential and nuture yo referring to our social cultural environment and cultural factors have significant influence on the development and self-awareness among individual within society. Personal naming is important me is to individual a person and him o her and social group such as a family and special ceremony. CHAPTER 4 This chapter is psychology perspective I reflect of the self according William James that the self is concept the me-self and i-self. The me-self is reflect to my soul of a person and my mind it's called my pure ego and the i-self reflect to the self that knows who he or she is which is also called my thinking self, because my personal experience the concept divided into sub categories , the material and social self and spiritual self.the materials self is sometimes I need to be an material self because Self reflection is like looking into a mirror and describing what you see. It is a way of assessing yourself, your ways of working and how you study.Reflecting and composing a piece of self reflective writing is becoming an increasingly important element to any form of study or learning. Chances are you have lots of beliefs about yourself and other people. You use these beliefs to help predict why people do what they do. If someone yells at you, you might forgive them because you know they are under a lot of strain. Or, you might mistrust them because you think that this person is always angry at you. Or, you might even think that—deep down—they are an angry person who should be avoided. CHAPTER 5 This chapter refers to wetern and eastern self tah there are a roles The term ‘self’ refers to an individual human being, along with their body, mind, and in some cases, the concept of a ‘soul’. The western view of the ‘enduring self’ refers to the notion that “you are the same person you were earlier in your life. In other words, it assumes that we humans are selves that endure through time. So, despite the many mental and physical changes that may occur during our life, we are essentially the same ‘self’ throughout our many developments. While western traditional has, for the most part, accepted and championed the idea of an ‘enduring self’, the exact definition and characteristics of this ‘enduring self’ are diverse. However, the Enlightenment philosopher David Hume and the founder of Buddhism, Siddhartha Gautama, both rejected the idea of an ‘enduring self’, even going so far as to claim any concept of a ‘self’ is an illusion. In this essay, I intend to examine the two different views and state my own thoughts on which viewpoint is more compelling. we completed that the person was trutly and for personal self and are 4 types of Western concept of self that's cognitive universe, a dynamic of awareness, emotions, judgemental and also our action. CHAPTER 6 I reflect the physical self to my personal self it is because refers to the body that function such as breathing, walking eating,and sleeping an others experience. I experienced all that things because of physical self and Also all people are their ability to act and move an ding what you want l, but me I'm ado in him I is all my body image because apperance my height, skin color, hairstyle and faces are all change Appearance refers to everything about a person that others observe why is your to your self , we know that every person has self-esteem, my self-esteem also how me to treat and like respect sometimes I am confident but sometimes I am shy it's depends his or her our worthy side. People are own beauty , me I have my own beauty the beauty is not refers the out side self but it is inside self because physical selfthe body is modified to everyone. CHAPTER 7 This chapter is sexual self why I reflect this because of my reproductive system being a female person and also it's definds between attraction and love and human rights and being adolesce we to be aware what is about the sexual and sex characteristics is primary that also present of birth we all know ta are first is on child birth next is secondary sex characteristics is all about to develop during our onset of puberty this think is also know like me I'm the stage of secondary to know about sex but it's ways BaD and good to use this the reproductive system a system of sex organs design for reproductive and sexual function. For my female reproductive system is composed of the clitoris the vagina and every this has can also part of my body reproductive system all people are experience the attraction to others things first is you attract the person or you love someone because of what his doing you and how you treat and every person has become and adolescent grow and a mature they make new pattern of relationship and commitment with other people. CHAPTER 8 If you do not like what you see in the mirror which reflects your reflections, then we are reflecting upon something else, as we do. Just remember that what you often find displeasing in others are issues within yourself coming to light, especially when it manifests as anger that is off kilter to the format played upon your view. Dear ones, what i reflect upon becomes what mirror in my soul cord. So if you do not like yourself and others and always find indifference, it may be time to re-calibrate what I are reflecting on with my attention. Just remember this, all beings are fragments of the SUPREME SOURCE that is experiencing itself as an endless amount of individuals becoming. Know that the mind is a great part of our personalities and we are able to consciously experience this as a fragment that is a cinder in the making of combustion of the SUPREME, into the fires of magnified experience and perfection in time and journey in all forms. When you know this, that all is ONE in consciousness and it is the duty of the mind to make it see that you are separate, you will understand that when LOVE comes from the embers of me being, you take on a new light that I see reflected in the mirror, and so will another view you from me inner radiance. The point is do not need to stay stuck in a downward spiral. Me have the free will to knowledge to amplify my presence by the power of love, clarity, and union to the SUPREME SOURCE which you are a part. The universe will provide you all that I need, but not more unless are clinging onto money and objects to fill your sense of worth sometime we need to be and helpless to others because not all the time that we have by more on money or others things. CHAPTER 9 This chapter is the most morning, I thank God for giving me another day, for the gift of life and all gifts of nature. Truly, all around me comes from God who has created everything. ... Nature is the mirror for which God reflects Himself so that I could recognize Him and His glory. Human life itself is a great miracle and everyday this miracle happens every minute across the globe. God is manifested in the beautiful sceneries of nature, from the mountains to the seas to the universe to the birth of a child. I see the purpose for which God has shared His splendor and presence in me through these wonders of nature. It is because He wants me to get close to Him, to know Him better, and to love Him more. He is telling me that He is everywhere and that He is always there when I needed His help. Nature is the mirror for which God reflects Himself so that I could recognize Him and His glory. When problems arise I would usually commune with nature to seek refuge watching the waves and listening to the waters in the beach or go mountain climbing and see the world from above. Just by appreciating God’s handiworks is enough for me to see life much better amidst the uncertainties that lie ahead. God communicates through our environment. From the beginning, God has created this world for us to nourish but now we neglect this duty and could possibly face annihilation as it is slowly happening this very moment. Taking this walk with nature enriches my spirituality because nature itself is spiritual and Godly since it is not made by man. This walk is a learning experience that strengthens not only my knowledge about God but most of all my faith in God. Through this walk I came to understand that the future of mankind depends solely on the condition of our environment. The Almighty has given us paradise but we have turned it into a swamp. In nature, He has provided us with the necessity to live. We need to develop and use the resources wisely but we have come to abuse these resources for our personal gains and hasten the destruction of our environment. Is this how we repay God for giving us this earth so we could live in His presence? The simple message I received from this walk with awareness is that this world will end if we fail to stop the exploitation and cruelty to our surroundings. It is very unfortunate that our planet has come to this and we are now experiencing the effects of pollution and global warming. We contributed much to polluting the earth but at the same time we can solve this problem by changing our lifestyle and way of thinking that nature is God’s gift to us. However this awareness did come easy because for many years I did not really see the value of nature in my life. I have taken for granted its meaning just like clothes that you can dispose of and buy a new one. In this time of modernization, I find it difficult to feel God’s presence. I am too distracted more often by the new technology and commercialization that I forget He existed. CHAPTER 10 IF make my own word before I relfect my personal self to political self I know is not more people around here is want to hear the issue of our country but it is important that every pilipino are know and to aware that what happens there nation, but people are having own isyus but it different between the issuess of our country I reflect to my personal self because in our house having an president it is my father and vice president is my mother an me and my brother and sisters is a senators to follow the rules of head. As much as we tend to presume that unbalanced power is a bad thing, the reality is that the stability of human societies through history and around the globe rests on just such imbalances. And personal interest occupies an uneasy yet always central motivator in the exercise of that power. In some ways, it is hard to even conceive of power in terms other than in some unbalanced sense. After all, if one person possesses the ability to compel someone else to do something, then that represents an imbalance in itself. There’d be no compulsion if the person compelled didn’t accept the authority of the other. Which highlights the difficult balance we need to try and find as human societies if we are to balance some sense of social justice with the sort of systemic efficacy we must aspire to if our states are to be run with reasonable efficiency. CHAPTER 11 This is the last chapter I reflect to my personal self about digital self no one can persons has not using digital because everyone has own digital technology number of people are digital people, being digital means directly or indirectly we are dealing with computers.So it becomes important to have a safe channel for the things that we do digitally.But till date nothing is 100% secure in the digital world, yes we humans have developed very secure equipments but still everday a new way of creating problem is also being developed at the presents the use of technology is essential for individual survival that having a time limits a for me technology is one of important to our life because it is the ways to communicate your friend and family like me I use that I'd becoming important for individual and how to organize to a good ways for using digital, they allow the users to keeping touch, connect with people and be updated on the activities and whereabouts of others want to do happen to have a copy of the invoice and I will send using digital intimate communication with families and friends.

↳ Oh, wow, is that HENRY CAVILL? Never mind, it’s just GEORGE AVERY, the 36 year old PANSEXUAL WEREWOLF ALPHA. I did hear that HE is GENEROUS & CHARISMATIC but also really FIERCE & STUBBORN. In the great war, HE is on the AVERY side. I guess we’ll have to wait and see. (Riley, 25, PST, they/them)

— ** hello, lovelies! i’m riley and i’m very, very excited to be here and write with all of you. george’s backstory is probably the most up in the air out of all of my boys at the moment so it might be a bit sparse but i can at least get some basics in the works. 

— george is, above all, a gentle man. it goes quite directly in contrast with his position in the family pack, and it’s something he goes out of his way to conceal when the need arises. those close to him are more than aware of his gentleness, his genuine desire to help the people around him in spite of himself or his feelings on the matter he is a genuinely selfless person ( something i imagine has gotten him into trouble more than a few times in his life ). his role as alpha is one he has always been prepared to embody, but being prepared for it has never made it any easier to deal with. 

— being alpha hasn’t been the easiest thing in the world for george - he wants nothing more than peace for his family and for his brother-in-law’s family ( no amount of rivalry between their packs has curbed the genuine respect george has developed for adam and it pains him in ways he rarely admits that their families are at one another’s throats yet again ). even as war rages around them again george spends the time he’s not devoting to actively protecting his pack to poke at the edges of the wright pack in an attempt to understand the animosity that set the conflict ablaze yet again. it’s been slow going and he gets less information than he’d like with every attempt but he’s determined to glean something helpful. 

— in spite of his inclinations towards kindness as a knee jerk reaction to most situations, george is not a man to be trifled with. he protects his family fiercely and has come very near killing people for them on multiple occasions ( though, thankfully, in his mind - he has yet to actually do so ). he’s a firm and decisive leader, and hopes that his pack-mates find him to be effective and to be someone worth following. he makes it clear that he would do anything for any of them at the drop of a hat, and he intends to live up to that as long as he is capable of doing so. 

— in addition to the war providing him with more headaches than it does much else, it has given george an opportunity to see his younger sister again - in spite of the fact that marlo’s pregnancy has left him with a sour taste in his mouth if only because his worry for her has skyrocketed and he’s not always the best at expressing his feelings when pressed. whether he feels capable of readily admitting it or not he knows he’d do anything for marlo and her unborn child and if it were to come down to something happening to them or something happening to him he wouldn’t hesitate to throw himself into the line of fire.  

— and that’s about all i’ve got at the moment but i’m sure more will come to me as i write this massive doofus so here’s some basics below this and feel free to shoot me a message or like this and i’ll come to you!

BASICS

Full Name: George Cameron Avery.  Nickname(s): Georgie.  Age: 36. Date of Birth: 26 July, 1983. Zodiac Sign: Leo. Place of Birth: Avery Compound, Catskills Mountains, New York.  Ethnicity: Caucasian.  Nationality: American. Gender: Cis male.  Sexual Orientation: Pansexual.  Religion: Agnostic.  Occupation: Avery pack Alpha.  Language(s) Spoken: English, enough Latin to understand incantations, French, German, Spanish ( he has a thing for learning languages ).  Accent: His accent isn’t as strong as it could be, and he goes to great lengths not to let one slip out. His speech is very purposeful and very measured and unless he’s drunk or upset he doesn’t have much of an accent at all. 

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Face Claim: Henry Cavill.  Hair Color: Dark brown.  Eye Color: Blue. Height: 6′1″. Weight: 203 lbs. Build: Strong, athletic.  Tattoos: A piece going across the back of his right arm featuring a wolf & mountain scape ( pictured here ), a full geometric sleeve tattoo on his left arm ( pictured here ). George often wears long sleeved shirts and only the fact that he rolls his sleeves up to his forearms or elbows reveal his tattoos at all to people outside of his friends and family.  Piercings: None.  Distinguishing Characteristics: His size, and his smile are his defining characteristics in his mind. 

FAMILY

Father: Joseph Avery.  Mother: Hazel Foster.  Sibling(s): Levi, Marlo, and Micah Avery.  Pet(s): None.  Financial Status: Upper-middle class. Definitely well off, and definitely comfortable. 

Art, Feminism, & The Distribution of The Sensible

 It has taken me quite a while to actually write anything on this blog, not really due to a lack of ideas or a lack of inspiring and transpiring events, but I guess mostly I wanted to take the time and be able to define the dimensions of what I aim for this blog to be. Define its boundaries and scope of focus. Perhaps its also because I did not want anything I post here to be of an academic nature, but where I can successfully export my perspectives without really sounding like I’m submitting a paper to a professor.   However, in terms of defining the focus of this blog, which might simply be transmitting my perspective to you, the reader, this blog cannot be but an extension of myself. So here, I’m going to write from the first person perspective. I hope that to you this seems valid enough as reliable information, but the self as a vehicle of experience, for me at least, is anything but negligible.

Also, shoutout to Naeem Inayatullah of Ithica University for importing the narrative approach to political science.

  As a precursor however, I would like you to take the time and look at a paper entitled “Neoliberalism As Creative Destruction” by David Harvey. This should really help you understand where I am coming from as an individual. But do keep in mind that despite me in the future or the past sounding like a left-wing marxist geographer, I am not.  I am in fact neither a supporter of the capitalist way of life, nor the socio-economic, post-capitalistic arrangement that Marx has presented in his Manifesto. I am simply myself, perhaps in terms of background a Humanist... but aren’t we all? 

 A point to stress here is the current cultural phenomena of extremes. For some reason, the polarization of thought and ideology seems to be the status-quo of our times and generation. I am someone who would like to belong to the middle path. 

 Now to get to the point behind this post and why I have asked you to read Harvey’s paper. Neoliberal capitalism is best described as the shift from an industrial based economy, to one that is mostly characterized by the service sector industries. Therefor this calls for a shift in the nature and qualifications of the workforces required to run such economies, and ultimately to populate their cities. To make a long story short, major cities across the globe compete amongst each other to attract as many members of the “creative class”  as possible to empower their industries. The creative class is the term used to describe the modern service sector workforce, mainly graphic designer, app developers, architects, writers, photographers, lawyers, gig industry execs, and overall modern service providers. This activity automatically changes the layout of a city. Gentrified neighborhoods, galleries, art spaces, installations, film exhibitions, speciality coffee shops, and artsy food concepts come in to fill the urban geography. This has previously been described by Sharon Zukin as “pacification by cappuccino”.

 The point I try to make here however is not to describe this shift, nor the socio-economic gaps that are produced through the need of low-wage service sector cohorts and middle to upper class entrepreneurs. Basically baristas and CEO’s. I’m writing this to describe a slight crisis that arises with art and culture being owned or introduced into the realm of state-led enterprises.  Some have described this to be the death of art with regards to the traditional function and definition of the role art has played in the social and cultural sphere. 

Art, whether visual or theoretical, be it a book, a sculpture, a painting, a photograph, or a film, has always participated in shaping what is described generally as “The Distribution of The Sensible”. Lets just call it the realm of the ‘taken for granted’, or socially and culturally accepted notions and activities as, well as modes of thought of a certain society. Art has always navigated on the boundaries of this realm, challenging its norms and its taboos, presenting the internal unheard struggles of the unheard, and representing an outlet for the expression of their experiences. This was not simply limited to the excluded or the impoverished,  but the right of each and every single individual. Art was a valid way to say what could not be said, to contest and to reconsider, to hold up a mirror and allow everyone to take a closer look at their blemishes and open pores. Yet with a state owning art, validating it, empowering, and ultimately, utilizing it as a capitalization opportunity, art is automatically stripped of all of its characteristics as well as its power. Art looses its voice and influence by simply gaining the recognition and normality from that which considered it novelty and abnormal.  

 Today we have art biennials curated by cities through their local authorities. They specify spaces for galleries, times and dates for events, as well as showcase certain artists to be celebrated and presented as the trend setters and pioneers. This applicable to all fields of artistic format; fashion, film, tangible and intangible. The problematic that arises from this dialectic is the control of the expression of art itself, and what is brought to light and left in the shadows is then decided by the hegemony. This could very easily be influenced by agendas, approval and disapproval bestowed by unknown committees. Yet art is not allowed to speak out upon it, resistance becomes illegitimate because art is recognized and now operates within the distribution of the sensible as to previously operating outside of it. You have been recognized, therefore you are not allowed to complain. We have heard your voice and provided you a platform. Thats basically what this procurement entails. 

 Another issue that comes to hand under this light is the over saturation of artistic expression on display everywhere, in every nook and cranny, in every alley and street.. all commissioned.. all artificial.. that really neutralizes the viewer to the impact and meaning of art. I find myself being less interested and less amazed... let alone less curious when I look at art these days. Have I always been this way? no.. not really.. I have noticed myself change however..it was exciting in 2011 up to 2014 when things were really gearing up towards the cultural turn.. but its 2019 now and not much has changed... and in 2019 I find myself incapable and indifferent.

 If you wish to understand this better, the work of professor Jenny Edkins on protests and governmental expansion could be of aid. I have personally had the pleasure and honor to be taught by her under a few modules. What Edkins basically states is the following; if a certain faction of the population who feels oppressed or excluded decided to demonstrate or protest their struggles to the state, the state itself, by recognizing their protests and answering their requests automatically expands its control over the different cohorts of a said population. This faction now can no longer use its voice to demand a certain right, but another representative may do so, yet only once. I have theorized something close to this which I call The Morbid Loop of Misconduct that I might discuss in the following posts.  

 This ownership and capitalization of such fields to be utilized as bait for branding cities and determining their respective levels of ‘coolness’ has reached its limits with testing my tolerance when feminist initiatives got introduced into the mix. We have recently celebrated the International Women’s Day... congratulations by the way... yet many businesses have gone to utilize this day as an opportunity to brand themselves as understanding and co-operative, as good listeners.. as celebrators of feminism.. in order to increase sales and foster public attention. I can pull out so many examples from my instagram feed but there is one photo that I deem appropriate in explaining what I try to describe, a post entitled: Man Visibly Upset After International Women’s Day Post Doesn’t Get The Likes He Banked On. (https://www.instagram.com/p/BuwFxPEFmBQ/)  It was intended for a meme.. yet to me it described anything but a laughing matter.... perhaps memes might be art’s last frontier.. who knows.. we’ll let neoliberalism decide.    The ownership of feminism by the socio-economic hegemony, and currently in the pipeline LGBT discourse, is going to bring about a new frontier of markets. The market of civil right attraction. 

On a second thought though, this is nothing new. The ownership of the state of feminist discourse has been used throughout history for not so human-centered nor humane reasons. If for instance we take Marx’s following statement, “the executive of the modern state is but a committee for managing the common affairs of the bourgeoisie” .. the truth of which I will deal with in a later post, we come to understand that feminism has been used to further service the machine of capitalism and lubricate its gears and cogs for more efficient outcomes since its ownership by state policy. Take for instance the insane push for women in the workforce. Now I am in no way against women having jobs or earning their own living, running businesses, or running countries even, however what we need to address is the socio-economic frameworks within which these ideas were introduced and the outcome that results from this push. The popularization of careerist orientations has many negative impacts on the social fabric itself. This is not simply in the sense of conservatism and maintaining tradition, but disabling cultures when resisting epistemological occupation. Sadly, women have been utilized by this new mode of radical feminism and made to think that they are the patrons of such movements when they are indeed the victims. 

Another example is Edward Bernays’ 1929 “Torches of Freedom” movement. The man was a PR freak and put the natural instinct of social impact and cultural roles that all humans have to service a monstrosity of an industry. You know the story, it was culturally frowned upon, and considered a taboo, for women to smoke in public spaces. It was this whole discourse on a cigarette being another phallic  symbol and a symbol of men’s power... but basically as far as tobacco companies were concerned, half of the population were a potential market they weren’t tapping into. Along comes Freud’s grandson, and rebrands cigarettes as the torches of freedom, asking women who were posing as suffragettes to march in a protest with lit cigarettes as a move to display the power of the feminine.  

Everything that the state has done after obtaining ownership of feminism towards this “cause” has been of the same nature. But what needs to be kept in mind here is that the state in this sense is the collective of corporate. After all what is the purpose of a city? What is the current modern purpose of having an economy? It is to circulate capital through it as efficiently as possible with the largest market share that a state can muster. Read Saskia Sassen’s The Global City for a better perspective. 

 Anyways... im tired of writing this.. I hope you get the point. 

Neoliberal capitalism never fails to surprise me with its creative capacity for destruction. 

 This post might seem to be of no use.. but it was just me letting off some steam. This is what this is all about... letting off some steam.

The 100 Most Important Things To Know About Your Character

Part 1: The Basics

    1.- What is your full name? 

Hello, I am Leonardo Luna Mendoza but most people call me Leo.

    2.-Where and when were you born?

I was born in Madrid, Spain on a story night. It was July 26 and the year was 1998 which makes me 20 years old as of right now.

    3.-Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

My mom’s name was Rosalia Mendoza Hernandez and she was a nurse. She was a very sweet person who loved flowers, specially gardenias. She was a really good cook, she learned from my grandma but she never really taught me. She hated spiders with passion but never crushed one and I loved her with all my heart. She died when I was 11, after fighting cancer for a year. 

My father name is Roberto Luna de la Rosa. He is a military man, very strict and kind of an asshole. We never got along, he is very distant and he was very cold. He had good parenting moments but in general....I don’t know. He divorced my mom when I was two, he moved to America and I only began to see him again after my mom passed.

    4.-Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? 

I don’t. My mum never remarried and my dad had just one more wife but they didn’t have children. So for the first five years of my life it was just my grandma, my mum and me. Then my grandma found herself a husband. We moved to Mexico then and it was the four of us until my mum died. Then my dad came and we moved to America. It was quite.....Lonely.

    5.-Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

Currently, I live in New York. My apartment....Well, it’s not mine really....But it’s in Manhattan. It’s my boyfriend’s place so, you guessed, I live with him. His name is Sebastian Moran. He is an idiot and I love him with all my heart. I can’t picture my life without his grumpy ass. He is the sweetest and most dangerous man you’ll ever know. We also have a kid....His name is Son. And well, he is not officially ours. We are his....Foster guardians. He is the most pure soul on this earth and I will protect him with my life if I have to. I love him very much.

Oh...and we have a dog. His name is Bullet and he is a pitbull, he is a grey dog with white paws and he is the kindest creature. He is Sebastian’s and he is a service dog but now he works as a service dog for all of us, really.

    6.-What is your occupation?

Right now I work at stark Industries as part of the security team. I need a career change though cause um....Well, I can’t take a bullet for someone any more. I didn’t really care before but now....I have a lot to lose, you know?

    7.-Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

Jesus Christ....Okay um....I’m 5′11″ and I am 170 pounds, I think? It’s been a while since I last weighted myself. I have light skin with moles in various places; my hair is dark brown and my eyes are the same. I like to dress mostly casual, I would say it’s very....Street fashion. Tho I like to clean up nicely every once in a while. I have roses as tattoos on my the biceps of my right arm and a skull on the inner part of my elbow on my left arm. I have a scar on my my left arm, a bullet wound on my right shoulder and another scar on my right thigh. I’ll happily call myself handsome and I am lean though muscular.

    8.-To which social class do you belong?

Well.....I used to be middle-lower but now I am more right in the middle.

    9.-Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

I am allergic to penicillin and I have nails on my right arm from getting my wrist broken. It hurts when it gets too cold which is a pain in the ass but nothing I can’t handle. I also suffer from some ptsd, I suppose. And insomnia. Bullet helps me with both.

    10.-Are you right- or left-handed?

Technically, I am ambidextrous but I lean towards using my right hand.

    11.- What does your voice sound like?

I believe I have a nice voice. Usually I am very soft-spoken, I think. My voice is a little higher in pitch than most man, I guess.

    12.- What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

I tend to curse a lot more than I probably should. I’ve been trying to curse less since we have a kid at home and all that. I also tend to speak in Spanish whenever I get really mad or excited or I’m simply tired of English.

    13.-What do you have in your pockets?

In my...? Um...Let me see...Gum, a lighter, a pocket knife, cigarettes, my wallet, an old receipt from the ice cream shop near the park and my phone.

    14.-Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

I am great with knives and guns. I am a terrible cook and I hate doing the dishes with passion. I used to drink more than I do now and I smoke on occasion. I tend to make my knuckles crack a lot and when I’m restless, I bounce my leg. When I am anxious I scratch my arm a lot and leave it all red though I don’t do it as often any more. I think that’s it?

can... u answer all of em? if u dont wanna then answer 1-5 pls

YES I WILL ANSWER ALL OF THEM..... for u my luv

1. Name one way you break lesbian stereotypes?

well for one i’m not a cis woman, so that’s a start, plus i dont know how to fix anything and i’ve never moved in with my partner right away... i do, however, own a shit ton of flannel

2. Who was the first girl you remember having feelings for?

my friend frankie sue hughes!!! i will always remember her and her name; she was the person who made me realize that a) i could/did like girls, and b) i have a lot of love for redheads and girls with pretty voices

3. Who’s your favorite gay animal?

bears!!! i am reclaiming the mama bear as a lesbian symbol of courage, strength, and protectiveness of their lesbabies

4. Do you have a girlfriend?

yes!!! her name is alice, she builds aquariums, her favorite animal is a snow leopard and she has a red poodle named lucy!!! she’s also adorable and i love her to pieces

5. Define love in 5 words or less

admiration for someone like you

6. What characteristics do you look for in a girl?

charm, humor, passion for the things they like, and honesty

7. Do you participate in lesbian clubs or events?

i dont really know any around me, but if there’s any local lesbians in my area sign me the fuck up to meet them!!

8. What’s your situation with being out?

out ‘n proud, babey!!!

9. Say some things you love about your crush/girlfriend?

she’s got an eclectic set of pets!!! i love hearing about her fish and spiders!!!

10. Do you want to get married?

yes!!! wife me up babey

11. Do you want to have kids?

YES!!!!

12. Who’s your favorite historical lesbian?

jodie foster!!!

13. What’s your favorite song about lesbians?

either jenny by the studio killers or rebel girl by bikini kill!!

14. What’s your favorite book about lesbians?

fun home!!!

15. Who’s your favorite lesbian character?

yara greyjoy from game of thrones!!!!

16. If you live in a country where gay marriage is legal, where were you when it was legalized? Did you do anything to celebrate?!

i was with my friend frankie (mentioned above) when it was legalized in iowa back in 2007; she was the one who told me about it!!! i just was really happy about it

17. If you could meet one famous lesbian (dead or alive) who would you pick?

sapphos!!!! she could help me write a sick love poem

18. Have you ever kissed a girl?

yes, and more than one in fact

19. Do you have any favorite lesbian positivity blogs?

wait those exist??? WHERE ARE THEY

20. Who was your first real life crush?

FRANKIE

21. What is one thing you think your school/ place of work could do to create a safe environment for lesbians?

idk, the places i inhabit do a good job being allies for everyone

22. Have you ever been to a gay/lesbian bar?

only a gay bar, and it’s not great for lesbians. just twinks. only twinks. 

23. Do you know any lesbians outside of the internet?

yeah!!! thank god. im friends with many lesbians, but i wish i knew more

24. Describe your ideal gaycation?

going with my gf to chicago to look at the world’s largest aquarium and go to all the museums and kiss a lot in a nice hotel

25. Do you listen to any lesbian musicians?

im actually friends with the lead singer of the former band Lipstick Homicide, so i listen to them lmao

THANK U MY LOVE

A Tale of Two Parmaks (or the big write up on my crazy versions)

In thinking of multiverse and character stuff, I thought this would be a good opportunity to familiarize everyone with the two big versions of Parmak that I write. He isn’t super fleshed out in the books, but I think that there’s still somewhat of a consensus on defining character traits both physical and mental/intellectual/emotional that make up the heart of him. I know that in both my primary iterations of him there are some characteristics which diverge sharply from what most people imagine he’d look like/think like/act like. There are a few short things I’ve written where I think he remains “canon” Parmak but those are definitely the minority.

So, without further ado, may I present:

C132 Parmak and C147 Parmak

(Yeah, I totally ripped off Rick and Morty for this)

The idea for those not familiar with the show is that there are various multiverses where alternate versions of the world/characters exist. It’s a pretty common theme in sci fi but I took the universe designation format from that show. Just as a reference, in the show it’s generally accepted that the “Primary Universe” characters are C137 so I definitely will not be using that number :)

C132 Parmak: This Parmak appears in my serious and dark/dramatic stories. I’m working on an ambitious series of backstories for his life in this universe. Right now these start with “If” and are going to continue through [upcoming as of 5/24/18] “The Downward Spiral” and others. Parmak in these stories is intersex- having characteristics of both sexes. In this universe I had envisioned Cardassia as having a detailed spectrum of sexes (Known as the Ba’zan Spectrum) which range from what we would approximate from Cis Male at one end to Cis Female on the other. I won’t get too detailed with that in this post but as a note, Parmak is “X210” which means that his primary body characteristics skew slightly female in appearance (ie the hip to shoulder ratio, slightly more feminine ridges, a bit of a softer voice etc) but as far as biological sex are closer to the center of the two.

The reason that this characteristic and matter of his sex gets such detail is because it’s a critical part of this Parmak’s identity. What I mean is this: I wrote this character to reflect a bit of myself. In the Cardassian records systems and medical systems etc he’s not considered male, he’s defined by this designation. But he considers himself male and refuses to be defined by the sum of his biology. As a trans male I wanted this part of him to be reflective of my own feelings and experience. (Yeah I know, confusing avatar- think of the Cyrelia J pseud like Conchita Wurst) This Parmak has spent his life with different expectations and prejudices being pushed on him because he refuses to call himself anything other than male. He’s rejected from his petition to study medicine before he gains a sponsor, he’s slandered and objectified by people he encounters, and he encounters a lot of pressure to conform. In spite of that he refuses to be anyone other than who he knows himself to be.

This Parmak is from Nokar. He was a physically “abnormal” child in that he is an albino (in the Cardassian sense), he has poor eyesight, and has kyphosis (a spine curvature which can be very minor to a pronounced hump- my cousin was born with this so that’s where the concept had originated from. Scoliosis, that thing they test for in schools is a spine curvature on the other axis). He’s terrified of his own reflection and has no desire to know what he looks like. He’s actually very attractive. His main drive and passion in life is medicine. When he was a teenager there was a plague of a mutated Yarim Fei which struck his village and everyone but him died. He spent months burying those who died while simultaneously trying to cure them with his own limited medical knowledge. He realized later he wasn’t infected because of his mutated genes. This really shaped his life because when he was able to devote himself to medicine he worked tirelessly for a vaccine on that and other diseases.

His passion and unique talent is in pharmacology and chemistry. This gets a bit “too perfect/sue-ish” but I like it so it’s not likely to change here. He’s like a magician/alchemist when it comes to his ability to mix up serums and drug compounds. It’s a highly coveted almost genius ability and one that Tain wants like oxygen. This Parmak was involved sexually with both Tain and Garak. He’s afraid of Garak’s eyes because of Tain’s induced illusion ability. He was soft spoken but fearless and was taught by his foster father Vakem Parmak that the Doctor’s role is to survive at all costs, be unbreakable, and so he was raised from his late teenage years to his mid 40s to withstand poisons and torture of an extreme form. It had only ended when Vakem Parmak died. Shortly after that he was recruited by Enabran Tain (albeit not exactly willingly). It made him arrogant in his abilities until Garak broke him. That combined with his experience in the work camp changed him.

In the present day, he’s kind but pragmatic. He’s aware of his own shortcomings but he still has a “survive at all costs” mentality due to his upbringing. The Parmak family credo which he lives and dies by is “one for a hundred” meaning for every life taken he must save a hundred. He’s unbending in this assessment. He still has his quirky sense of humor, he still refuses to look at himself in the mirror, and he doesn’t understand why people find him attractive as his own self-image is still poor. He has few hobbies because his life is work be it medicine, advocacy, raising a family, or self assigned “missions”. He enjoys reading and gardening but really has to be dragged into leisure because he doesn’t understand it. His life has taught him that life isn’t leisure only survival and work so he’s not very able to relax.

He’s a tireless advocate for the Northern Continents and northern rights and he has far less moral limits than I would imagine canon Parmak to have. He’s willing to kill to save but he works to heal the disenfranchised and protect those who need him most. He also has a warped pain tolerance because of his foster father’s training and enjoys being hurt- he doesn’t ask for it or seek it out, but he was conditioned to have that response when it occurs so that’s been used against him. I guess you could say he’s a bit of a broken Parmak.

Stories featuring C132 Parmak are: “If—“, “The Downward Spiral”, Invictus, and Inside a Dream” so far

If you like your Parmak closer to Julian ethically, more “light” than “dark”, and much less twisted then this isn’t the Parmak for you :)

On the opposite end we have:

C147 Parmak: This Parmak appears in all my humor/crack/lighthearted stories. His sex is irrelevant to the character unlike C132 Parmak though for reference he’s usually male in this iteration unless otherwise stated; so far in every story but “The Power of Three” he’s been cis male. This character borders on being a parody so I would encourage most to take this one with a grain of salt because he’s not meant to be a serious representation of Parmak. A lot of his traits come about because of silly late night conversations or “what if” jokes. The biggest example would be his cock obsession. For me this is more of a running gag because I imagine it to be so far off of real Parmak canon and behavior that it’s just silly. I find all sorts of stupid things amusing.

He had a happy childhood in the North, has living parents, and only moved South to study medicine for the adventure of it. He’s usually near lifelong friends with Garak (as this Parmak appears primarily in AUs) and occasionally it’s a friends with benefits arrangement. He appears as various types of doctors/healers but in the Extraverse he’s a yoga instructor as well. I’ll probably branch out his professions as I write more for him. He likes to wear his signature hair beads (silly fanon thing of mine) and often says outlandish things “unintentionally”.

He has a massive hoarding problem and he loves pop culture. You’ll find his space (car, house, office, etc) full of records, CDs, books, bumper stickers, old bottles, and anything he finds interesting. In some universes this includes a massive sex toy collection This Parmak loves taking pictures and loves music. He comes across as oblivious and spacey. Some of that’s genuine, some of it’s played up a bit because he likes seeing people smile and he likes spreading positivity. He loves yoga and tends to be super flexible and fit (sometimes in teasing contrast to the C147 Garak who’d rather lounge with a cocktail). This Parmak also loves television, Queen, and Columbo. He’s incredibly adventurous and has a devious little smirk. He’s a voyeur and a closet sadist (in a playful sense- he doesn’t enjoy actually hurting people).

He’s a bit of a bad driver, is into conspiracy theories in a big way, and is into alternative medicine and new age ideas. He’s more the “Hippie” part of “Hippie Lizard”. He absolutely loves sex and could be considered shameless but he’s proud of this and infinitely creative in that realm. I might even make him a sex therapist one of these days since I think he’d be good at it. As a side note, his companion C147 Garak is much the same. He loves games and stories and “cute” things though he seems rather unaware that he himself is one of those “cute things”. He likes to wear his sunglasses perched on his head while still wearing his glasses. Fun fact- his sunglasses aren’t prescription and he never actually wears them as sunglasses.

He’s a good listener, emphatic to the max and is comically strong while being pretty slim and unassuming. Sometimes he’ll also have the congenital stoop of C132 Parmak but not always. He dresses very free in the summer and bundles up like the kid in A Christmas Story in the winter. He has a strange obsession with tentacle porn and stopped consuming sugar sometime in the early 2000s. He’s pretty much everyone’s friend and can be outspoken and opinionated (especially on obscure things). He totally grows on people even if they don’t like him much at first and is always a brilliant doctor and ethically upright and kind character.

Sometimes he’ll appear in contemporary Cardassian fics/drabbles so some of the more Earth centric traits will be missing but everything else will pretty much hold true. The sex thing also holds for anyone in the C147 Parmak verse including Julian and Garak who are usually the 2 other constants. This too is actually kind of personal for me. It’s a lens through which I see the world. Maybe it’s because growing up I was like listening to Howard Stern since I was 7 and had a lot of exposure to that sort of thing. It’s difficult for me not to sexualize things and interactions and in my writing I tend to be super sex driven. Since my RL doesn’t even remotely reflect that activity I enjoy expressing it through fic even if the C147 Parmak and others get kind of caricature-ish.

Stories featuring C147 Parmak are: The Extraverse, Lizards Melt in your Mouth (epilogue 1 not 2), The power of Three, and the drabble Fine Print

So if you don’t like your Parmak to be an over the top extra dick magnet then steer clear of this Parmak :)

As a side note “A Gift for My Darling” has a mirror Parmak that’s a combo of both these Parmaks while being kind of completely insane.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read, and I hope this enhances everyone’s experience with my stories. I’m always super appreciative of anyone reading and giving feedback. I’m kinda of like a sponge... but not the Seinfeld kind haha

I’ve been debating if people might prefer that I tag either version of this character for ease of filtering so any feedback on that either by reply or DM would be much appreciated!