OK SO I FINISHED BG3 thoughts and stuff under the cut (spoilers obvs) . Pals and mutuals that played feel free to comment it with me, and also wyll enjoyers pls do interact fkfkdk

SPOILER about the ending

-Ok so i was playing a good tav dwarf paladin romancing wyll, got my team of wyll/lae'zel/karlach, but lae'zel felt like the real main character of this story and honestly its what she deserves.

-got orpheus and turned him into a mind flayer sorry bro. and then the emperor gets angry and fights with the baddies. like gosh this guy sucks

-saved the day yadda yadda and lae'zel went away to guide her kind and LOOK SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER i was so sad but i knew it was what she wanted but IT PAINS ME

-then gale leaves me to become a god, and then astarion gets attacked by the sun and runs away and im like wow this ending is such a downer everyone is leaving me

-AND THEN. KARLACH.......

-Ok so i cried like a baby like. i fucked up i dont know what i did wrogn i cant believe karlach is gonna die im SOBBING

-But wyll is like "WE CAN LIVE ALL FIGHTING DEMONS IN HELL" and got the coolest shit ever of these 3 going on adventures like you dont know HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS ENDING!!! im so happy aaah TOT

-then there is the epilogue and it's the cutest thing i can hug shadow heart and halsin and karlach :_) tried with astarion but i dont know if its impossible or i had him too low (every companion loves me but he finds me acceptable fgoihdgfjiodgio) anyways i wanted to hug all my friends

-gale is a god and like good for him but im like ??? damn we dont see his mission or anything he does this all off screen?? i wanted to see his struggles and stuff idk i wanted to see the FEELINGS

-anyways idk if i got a bug or something but when i get to talk with people about what i am doing is just me and karlach and 0 mention of wyll idk why TOT let me talk about my romantic companion pls

-also i had like 2 options to talk with romanced wyll and way more conver with astarion wich again i didnt even have very high on his love for me (i do love him and my chara frienenemy status tho) but why only 2 options for wyll i wanna talk with him moreeee at the end

-he did blow me a kiss it was the cutest thing tho

-Again idk if i got a bug but i never get anyone commenting on my relationship with wyll and i know the companions gossip about karlach and probs other charas >-<

-i heard a friend who had to kill karlach to get to see her gale ending so i tried in another save to see what happened (it was awful btw) and that was the only way to get an extra scene of wyll telling me to go for mizora and having other people aknowledge him in the epilogue (just with jaheira it lets me say wyll, with astarion and shadow heart they gave me answer like "oh im with my lover" and such instead of by name)

-i am a big fan of wyll but not so much of wyll missions, like they are fun to play but gosh i wanted the cool FEELINGS moments like lae'zel, shadow heart, astarion and karlach had, i feel he is straight up a classic hero tale and i want to see this man overwhelming with feelings of all the stuff he suffered. also more stuff with the dad idk i couldnt even tell him im with his son that could had been cool

-gale also feels like ???? he didnt have a proper mission and was like off screen wich is a bit weird to me ??

-my fav chara is wyll and then second lae'zel who is perfect 0 notes on her 100% increible. Then Do Not Make Me Choose for the other origin companions i cant. I love them so much. I didn't like astarion at first and i was like "really this is the man all my friends and everyone is obsessed about??" but then act 3 arrived and i was like Ah. I Get It Now. I would say my less fav is gale but because i didnt bring him anywhere so next game im def paying him more attention.

-anyways i could have some notes but in general i fucking loved this game so much TOT

Ramattra x (human)F/Reader

Summary: After joining Overwatch Ramattra learned not all humans are bad, or maybe its because you are there as well and Ramattra is fond of you.

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Ramattra doesnt know what to think anymore. He hates Human more than anything in this world and yet he cant find himself to leave Overwatch to return to the Null Sector. Lost in his thoughts he strolled around in the Overwatch Base Not caring where he goes. It didnt take him long before he bumped into someone. "Watch where you goi-." Ramattra stopped mid sentence after seeing who he bumped into. It was (y/n). He just starred down at you watching you how you fix your hair that went infront of your face.

"Oh Hi Ramattra. Sorry for bumping in you." You said with a small smile on your face watching the Omnic seeing what he will do next. "No I am the one who should apologize. I hope you arent hurt." He didnt understand him. If it would have been someone else he wouldnt care If they are hurt or not. If it would be someone else he wouldnt apologize for anything. "No im not, thank you for wondering. Well i'll see you later i have to go and bring Winstons the latest reports. See you" and after that you walked past Ramattra continuing on your way.

Ramattra couldnt help watching you leaving so soon. For some odd reason he wanted to continue talking to you. He didnt understand him why he thought like it. Your smile is still on his mind. You always have a smile on your face no matter who you are with. But why does he wish you would only smile at him like this why does he have the need to memorice it so badly.

"Is something bothering you, Brother?" Ramattra jumped a little hearing a voice next to him but he doesnt need to look who it was. "No. Just lost in thoughts you could say." He looked down to the Omnic Monk ready to continue his walk. "There is no need to lie dear Brother. Please tell me what it is" "If i knew it myself i would tell you" it was true He doesnt know what is wrong with him. On one side he hates all humans so much for the suffering they caused and yet he met the Overwatch agents who accept for who he is and not what. And then there you who is always nice to him, who always shows him your beautiful smile, who helps him no matter with what, who is willing to repair him after a hard Mission. "Your mind is clowed by many things, am i right Brother?" Zenyatta never really saw Ramattra Like this. So confused of what is going on in His head. Usualy he knows what He wants, how He gets it and who needs to be harmed If needed.

"Are you thinking of the last Mission you had with the others?" Zenyatta placed a Hand on Ramattras arm looking up at him hoping for an answer. "The Mission isnt it" No its not the Mission but rather who was on the Mission. They were on Kings Row to get a payload with important things on. With him were Lena, better known as Tracer, Angela, Ana and (y/n). (Y/n), she was the reason they got it Last second before Talon got it. With her around it never gets boring. She always jokes at least 3 Times on a Mission.

"I swear Ram, If you dont stop being so grumpy i'll Go get Sombra from Talon so she Hacks you" Ramattra didnt know why but he laughted at her silly threat. "You wouldnt dare." "Ohh but i would" He could hear the joking ton in it knowing she wouldnt do it in the first place.

"Its (y/n). No matter what i do she always returns to my mind. No matter how hard i want to hate her and be disgusted by her i cant, No matter how many times i try to push her away, i shortly long for her presence and no matter what has happened i just wish to see her Smile." If He could Ramattra would turn red after everything he said. He feels humiliated talking like this about a simple human. " Ah i understand now what is troubling you, Brother. You have started to get feelings for her. But nothing to be afraid of." 'you got feelings for her.' 'you got feelings for her.' that one sentence repeated itself so many times in Ramattras head he lost counting.

"You should tell her, Brother." "What? No. I can not do such a thing." Truth is he can but he is to scared to see her reaction. Maybe she will laught at him, maybe she will run away from him or worse maybe she will hate him. The thought of all these things are enought to make Ramattra fear win over. "You should. I have a feeling she wouldnt reject you and when did my feelings ever betraited us." "Well If i must be honest there was this one time-" before Ramattra could finish His sentence Zenyatta gave him a small slap in his arm. "If you wont do it i will dear Brother." If Ramattra could show emotions his face would be in full shock.

"Alright. I will do it myself." Either he would embarrass himself or Zenyatta does it and when he can chose he would do it himself. He excuses himself and went on search for (y/n). It took him a while to find you but he eventually did. You were sitting in the chilling lounge. A place where the agents could go to relax a bit after Missions. With you were Hana and Lena. Ramattra saw the three females chatting other something that he couldnt make out. Ramattra walked over to them and stopped a bit behind them. "Excuse me, but i need to speak with (y/n). Alone." He didnt wait for an answer. He took your hand in his big one as gentle as he could.

Outside of the room again Ramattra turned around looking down at your small figure still holding her hand. "Is there anything you need, Ram?" (Y/n) asked him using her nickname she gave him once while in a Mission. "Yes there is something i need. I need to tell you something." Ramattra wasnt sure how he will confes to you what he should tell her. "Well im ready to listen. Whatever it is i try my best to help you." after that you smiled at him again. The same smile he would do anything to see it everytime on your face.

" (y/n) i must admit im Not the best when it comes to this so i try my best. What i need to tell you is that-that i adore you." he took a small Talk break studing your face. So far He didnt saw any sign of fear or disgust so that is a good thing. "I adore all little things you do. I adore your smile. I adore your laught. I adore how you play with your hair when you try to focus in a Mission or any task you have. I adore you for you are. I believe it is even more than just adortion. I love you, (y/n)."

Even thought he Just waited a few Seconds for you to say something it felt like an eternity. What gave him hope was feeling how your soft hand took his one back and hold it. "Ramattra, thats so sweet of you to say. Do you really mean all of it?" " Every single Word" Ramattra than saw how you stand on your tip toes trying to reach his face. He bowed meeting you half way. He was confused to why you would do it until he felt your soft lips in His face plates. In full shock he didnt move just looking at you smiling like a child in Christmas.

"Well Ramattra, i must admit that i do as well love you." He thought he misheared you. But looking at your face He only saw love and honesty on it. He wrapoed his arms around you spinning you around. "You dont know how much it means for me to hear this from you" you couldnt Help yourself but to laught at his behaviour. He may look like a big mean and grumpy Guy- Well omnic- but he surly can act like a child. "Lets go some where privat to spend some time together alone" "Of course, my dear" and with that you and Ramattra went out of the base to spend the rest of the day together.

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This is my first oneshot for Ramattra. I hope it turned out good. Maybe Ramattra seems a bit ooc. But i still hope you guys enjoyed it.

try not to be mentally ill challenge literally impossible okay right theres the thing??? (ramble? not really a vent im not feelin bad SKJFS maybe rant is better)

its like a "damned if i do, damned if i dont" situation. if i dont say anything i suffer in silence and it eats away at me until i forget or i feel better, and if i say something then it just makes it WORSE. i do not know how to. cope with this KSJDFS

like i know damn well communication is key, but all the times ive communicated about this sort of thing, it just.. people see me a certain way. they see me as broken, depressed, traumatized, MENTALLY ILL. its so. fucking annoying its like this pity i hate it because i dont need to be pitied

i remember _ used to say that about me, the thing about bpd is for a lot of borderlines, yr symptoms are worse when yr in a relationship, and that was the case for me, i was like. MISERABLE i was crying every day and trying desperately to get any sorta love from him (that wasnt just on me tho, he was so shitty fr) and he used to be like.. wow, you really are just broken and it? ?? my brain at the time would mistake that weird half assed pity for genuine affection cuz he basically kept me tied to him but ? he wouldnt date me or show me affection often unless he wanted to like. do e-rp (which is why i hate that shit so much now SFKJF sad i used to love roleplaying) but he didnt want me to date anyone either like i HAD an option. not a very good one but still and i asked assuming he didnt care about me and the answer would be yes, but no he said he wasnt comfortable with me dating someone else. so HE could date whoever he wanted cuz he wasnt gonna date me, but i couldnt. i told him at the time how unfair that was and he was just like "i know..." like he couldnt give me a solid answer why it was hell cuz he was my FP so i had to listen to him in my head. its so. GUHH he sucked ass im so glad i barely think of him anymore

its just like. you try and share hey im gonna be vulnerable rn and let you know that im in some sort of mental distress and i wanna communicate that, but

people dont get it!!! because when it comes to bpd theres no.. theres not really valid reason!! like in MY head there is, but not to anyone else. so for everyone there isnt even a reason for me to bring it up and that just make me look even more crazy its. I HATE ITT no one understands unless theyre borderline too its so. frustrating man

i dont want people to see me like that, i hate it so much id rather just never tell when somethings bothering me cuz eventually ill get over it until it rears its head again yknow? its wack asf

i need an output for those heavy feelings, cause i feel like i'm about to burst

Just why?

I really have complicated feelings towards NANA

I hate it, but i also love it. It touches something so deep inside me, i cant explain it.

But there are events i will never be able to acknowledge. For me, that story ends long before Nana and Ren had their last fight.

Rens death is pointless, he already went through a lot, he suffered to hell and back. He showed us his weak side, but was never able to show it to his most precious person.

When we finally see a little hope and Ren stops with the drugs, his reward is death?

Thats it?

Did he really had to die to make an even bigger impact? or bring more drama to the story? For characters development?

This work is already full of grief, you get no moment to breathe.

Its already enough, we went through a lot together with the character, please why couldnt they finally get their more than well deserved happiness?

its not enough that his mother abandoned him and that he had to grow up in an orphanage.

its not enough that he shoulders so much responsibility, such a heavy burden.

its not enough that he is alone most of the time, especially when he is at his lowest. (i'm glad Reira was with him alot of times..)

its not enough that he cant live without Nana but also feels guilty because he write songs for Trapnest, especially for Reira.

its not enough that Nana rarely or almost never shows Ren how much she really loves him, or that he could rely on her.

its not enough that he is kind to everyone and tries his best for everyone.

is it still not enough, that this fragil soul almost breaks under the pressure?

And when he finally tries to become stronger, his life got taken away.. and not only that, he dies with feelings of guilt, he dies without making up with nana, he dies without having his dreams fully accomplished.

it would have had a much bigger impact

if he could have had accomplish it

if he could have become stonger

if he could have made up with Nana and finally both could try to communicate what they have both kept inside their hearts.

Let him have his freedom, his happiness, let him be himself.

He's the most unfortunate character in this story.

When you almost reach what you have longed for, does one die?

Its not fair! (yeah i know the world is not fair, dont gimmie that shit!)

Takumi should have died!

He doesnt care for others, he only cares for himself or his "castle"

He is a rapist

he is abusive

he is to blame for Rens condition and death

he is to blame for Reiras mental health

he would do anything to accomplish his goals

he even uses his kids

he is a cheater

he doesnt have even a little bit of good inside him

he is a toxic motherfucker scum who should have died, because everything would have been better!

Reira would finally be set free from her love for him & his claws

Shin and Reira could be together, they could heal each other and become happy

Hachi and Nobu would be happy together

Ren wouldnt be under pressure

Rens mental health would be much better

Ren wouldnt have died

Ren and Nana would -with time& help- be happy together

Nobu would be free and happy

Hachi would no longer be with a cheater and could be happy

Reira could even live her life normal, like she always wanted

Nana (im sure of it!) wouldnt have changed so negatively

I'm sure there are many more reasons why it would have been better if it were him instead of Ren. Takumis is literally the personified devil.

If he wouldnt be there, everyone would have been more happy. I dont say that all problems would be solved but they would definitely be more happy and less problems, 100%!!!

Everything started to go south after this bitch face appeared.

He knows how to use kind and weak characters like Ren for himself.

If he would care for anyone beside himself, then please explain why:

He didnt do anything even though he knew Ren did drugs?

Didnt do anything to help? Like give him a longer break, call Nana or WHATEVER! Just help you fucking asshole, you know him long enough!

wouldnt have let Ren drive to get Reira back!

He would manipulate Hachi, Reira and literally anyone else?

provoke Nobu even though he knows that Hachi is finally happy with him?

Uses his son to make Reira sing?

Its so devastating. that whole work is just sad.

I dont want a future, where Ren is not with Nana or Nana not with Ren.

I dont want Shin without Ren

I dont want Nobu without Ren

I dont want Reira without Ren

I dont want Yasu without Ren

I dont want Hachi without Ren

I dont want a NANA-World without Ren!

I dont want anyone of them being happy without Ren.

If this is a sorrowful story, then go ahead and make it even more sorrowful! let all of them suffer until their end until their last breath and never ever forget Ren.

I cant bear a future of Hachi with her kids, Yasu, Nobu and Shin coming together, waiting for Nana - who might never come- without Ren.

I wish Nana would have treasured the time she had with Ren more. She was just so busy with herself that she didnt even see that Ren was about to break.

If she would have made more effort.. just a little but.. just imagine how happy Ren would have been?

He never forced her to do anything or be anything she wasnt.

He treasured her, never looked or thought of another women.

He showed her more that once with words and his actions, just how much he loves her, how important she is to him and that he is the same as her - that he could never live without her.

She took him for guranted and didnt appreciate that he was there for her soo so many time. Why couldnt she be there for him, when he needed her the most?

Why did she let her pride and stubborness win?

/Theres so much more i wanna write but also, i'm at loss for words.

I just want Yazawa Ai to make everything that happened a dream which Hachi has. And in reality everything is fine.... just please..

Hello, I was unsatisifed with a lot of background things happening in DN and the way PD wrote them, and here are the two main things i wanna share with you: pregnancies and worldbuilding (?).

Tbh, i was a bit sad, angry and pissed off with the way PD handled pregnancies in the DN series. For a series that's so "forward", "not following the crowd", and "make rules for themselves", these characters are all always so stuck in the past even when they shouldve already moved past THAT past. EVERY DAMN COUPLE had to have children, and somehow, outsiders' opinions of their relationships, even after getting together, still mattered a LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH. Understandable that some opinions could affect them because how could they not, no matter how much they wanna say they wanna do whatever they want, they still live in a society, and that society is the highly judgemental, political, and corrupted town, Thunder Bay. Considering that they still have feelings and could be affected by hate comments etc., they just cannot always act like it didnt affect them, like the way rika thought michael would leave her because she couldnt get pregnant and how that also relates to her "worth" as a woman, especially in a heavily judgemental society like TB, where even when a lot of them wre "progressive", a big part of the community were still holding up to traditional values of what women are, should be, should do etc. They're not living in some wonderland or some shit like that, ok fine, BUT what i dont understand is how these opinions wouldve affected them so much even after getting together for YEARS, and even worse, they just never really communicate about them, butthen they fight, fuck, and just got over it as if every thing is fine all over again. So whats the point of that dramatic infertility announcement in conclave then? Stupidity!

Every time we got something good for the characters' progression, PD always had to ruin it by regressing the progress of their characters, and worse, these characters don't even talk about what they want or expect from each other in their relationship. Not one, even KaiBanks, the seemingly "most mature" couple in thes series. The immaturity of these couple were on another level! This was one of the aspects of DN that unsatisfied me the most. I HATED how reductive PD made pregnancies and child planning look in DamonWinter's story. Like they have a litter of children, while being emotionally, mentally and financially irresponsible adult themselves, and ijust couldnt enjoy any kind of child-related things in this series honestly. Not even WillEmmy! Why cant we just have couple who take their times to get to know each, settle down everything first, then be fucking mature adults and plan their future together? This "reckless live to the fullest" sounds so bonkers, because it doesnt involve the horsemens and their wives anymore, theyre bringing their kinds, who are INNOCENTS (!) into this world and lifestyle without thinking about it further. The only person who had put a thought (even a little bit) towards this issue was Will and that says a lot because he wasnt even always sober before Nightfall! It was clear even when he wanted Emmy in his life, and his implied thought rpocess of taking revenge on her, that he couldnt just force her to live his lifestyle, or even bear his kids, because it's not just gonna be Willemmy anymore, it's now WillEmmy + their kids + their nephews and nieces + the others now. Everyone's live couldve been on danger and some innocent couldve suffered. Because of this, I feel like DamonWinter are just so immature and selfish as a couple and parents because its always about what THEY want, but not what the CHILD needed (before winter got pregnant), like they never really thought things through in a longer run, and feeling everything and having fun, is all they cared about at the moment. Damon never really thought about building skills and get a job like a mature responsible adult and partner until Winter reminded him, and im just so done! I love that that Damon's hater ask pointed out his incompetency because i so agree with them, and i think this is one of the aspect of his (and others') incompetency. They just think like children, and they do not have the maturity of a grown adult who has to work with others around them, it's insufferable! On the other hand, i also think thats why each of them were writter so diffrent yet similar with one another because they needed this balance. Not evryone has to be the same, as an individual, they had their weaknesses, but as a family, theyre perfect for each other.

As for my other own personal in depth unsatisfying feeling about the pregnancy aspect of this series, i just cannot stand to read rika's big ass meltdown about her infertility in conclave, and this does not come from a place of lack empathy about her situation, rather it's because of the way PD wrote it. In fact, i was FUCKING LIVID with the way PD was so quick to just label Rika as the one who was infertile, when there were no medical checkups done on Michael, as if the responsibility or for a lack of a better term, "fault" for infertilities all lies on the shoulder of the women-here, and it's Rika. Sure, her period cycle was fucked yada yada yada, but from the start, i always read it with an implication that it's rika who had to deal with all that pain and shame, and this is definitely a heavy blame on the writer because PD couldve literally balance it out with michael's possibility of being the one who was infertile instead, or made rika said something to michael about doing body checks or checkups as a married couple, but PD. NEVER. DID. God! This was why that whole infertile thing was so infuriating to me. Also, If PD already knew that rika was already handling with so much responsibilities with people around her, why on earth would they put more stress on rika's shoulder? Rika was in college (probably full time and on her last year, yeah), so she probably had a lot of things to prepare for, then she had the fane empire business to take care of, the mayor election campaign, being an NBA's star's partner making time in her pact schedule for michael (she's probably gonna have to be dealing with a lot of press not just for her main job, but also for this NBA thingy too), travelling from one place to another for college and business, oh and she's a fencer, works at the dojo, a local town campaigner, a sister who checks up on everyone etc. so why the hell would preganancy at the age of 22, mind you, would be so important when she already had so much on her plate, and she hasnt even reached her mid-twenties yet? It's FOMO, but the way PD wrote it made it felt so weird to me, and it shows rika's immaturity (understandably so) of dealing with sensitive issues that a lot of women around the world had to go through, instead of a woman who we could sympathise or empathise with for going through all of this at 22. And that's the thing, Rika was already dealing with a lot, didnt even really talk to michael because she was worried for his career (but she could talk to KAI OF ALL PEOPLE and damon? Huh?), and now PD just had to put some unnecesaary implied cheating drama and stupid plot about infertility here? For what? For the drama? The infertility conversation didnt get solved with sensitivity or further couple planning, it just went over their head, and suddenly, OF FUCKING COURSE RIKA HAD A MIRACLE BABY BEFORE SHE TURN 33, OMG SHOCKING!!! I'm so tired reading these books with suden pregnancy tropes, because a lot of authors just cant write this trope very well, so it always comes off immature, romanticised and insensitive to others. Some people dont even enjoy reading this trope for whatever reason that is, so this plotline just ruins their story further. I just can't stand the silly logistics of it all. Like Miss Girl, you're 22, sit down! Rika couldve used that time to built her skills to be a good aunt, a competent political debater, a businesswoman AND a politician so that she could be an amazing women figure in their family for herself and others, and then run the Fane empire and the mayor thing slowly so we can see her like Banks' short scene in nightfall's epilogues dealing with some political stuff, but noooo, it all just happen at once and we're supposed to but that? Like she doesnt even have the BASIC SKILLS to run a town, why dont PD start from there first? I think if she was given more trainings and drills, she can make a great politician in the future, but unfortunately, we never got to see that.

And that's the thing, even if rika IS the town's sweetheart, what kind of town, with the majority of people there being people with high profiles, political connections and corruptions, would just listen to this 22 year old girl preaching about "kindness" when all she did, was just being family to a bunch of similarly privileged new adult pranksters with a history of crimes and "not fitting in" with the rest of the crowd? Do they not understand how political agenda or advertising work? Thats not how politics and organised systems work! If i was a resident in Thunder Bay, rich as fuck i couldve bought almost anything in this world like (Gabriel Torrance), i would not even pay a single mind to rika or the horsemen, in fact, i would usurp her position and gang up with some other locals in town, just for fun, to piss the them off. Like What happens to voting systems? It just doesnt make sense. They treated the town's safety and mechanisms like it's a child's play and not some serious and dangerous political business that requires working with so many people from so many different industries so that a town could work fine. Every time rika opened her mouth to talk to her workers or people in conclave, i swear i throwed up a bit in my mouth because of how cringy it was. That Ninja comment by Damon was even cringier. If PD wanted to convince us with this IT Thunder Bay couple of the successful Michael, the NBA player and the own sweetheart Rika, the TB Mayor + business owners couple bullshit, they gotta make it make sense you know. I GAGGED when they threw that engagement party in kill switch, then damon dissed them thinking "what the fuck is this all" because that was the first time ever that i agreed with damon lmao! It's really not on rika at this point, i noticed, PD was just always shit at writing logistics, because they're a very idealist writer. As long their idea works, nothing else matter and that's why, all these important logistics seem to fly out the window in their every. damn. book. in this series. And somehow they always got their redemption arcs and turned out to be Mary Sues and Gary Stus by PD, even Damon! Oh, please! Anyway, I just know by now that if i wanna enjoy PD's books (aside from birthday girl), i gotta turn off my thinking hat so that it wouldnt ruin my fun of reading their books. (Don't even get me started with Alex's jobs because aside from MichaelRika, Alex's was the most unbelievable among them all, but one thing i liked about her story was that she was childless, like YESSS GIVE US SOME RICH SUCCESSFUL AUNT CHARACTERS yk). PD did a great job at the fall away series, the hellbent series, and birthday girl's worldbuildings though, so maybe they should just stick to writing about middle class suburban characters who just mind their own business, and not high profile people who's about to rule the world.

What do you think about this? Or have this part of DN series never really interest you much?

Hellllloooo! I’m laughing because you said “background things” so I was expecting things that happened in the background plots but then you listed worldbuilding, which to me is pretty significant. I don’t know why, but that got a chuckle.

I mean, to start with, I think I agree with you on most of your points. For me personally, this is not a series that’s meant to be dissected and analyzed to the degree at which we’re doing it. Once you start pulling at strings, it all comes crashing down. Our MCs are all “morally gray” but for the “right reasons”. They always get what they want and always come out on top. When I go into their world, I try to turn off my head and just have fun. I find that’s when I enjoy it the most.

But yeah. I’ve thought out it in terms of “what in the world is this. This wouldn’t work.” and I've ranted about it plenty too.

Re: the pregnancy the issues you brought up - I also didn’t like that everyone had kids at the end. I didn’t take issue with the lack of planning, but that could just be me. I also didn’t mind that none of them chose to remain childless. I feel that most people grow up knowing they’re going to be parents, or at least get to that point in early adulthood. It’s not so much a question of if, but more of when and who with? And I think the latter is the most important question to answer. I’m happier knowing that these people had already committed to each other before having children.

I was upset because CC introduced the idea that Rika and Michael couldn’t have children of their own. I was intrigued with the idea that this couple, the first couple we followed, wasn’t going to get everything they wanted. So much as worked out for them, but this big thing…that’s being withheld? I was intrigued with where this was going to go. I would have been super happy if M&R had committed to the idea of being childless and focused on other aspects of their very full lives (as you brought out) and then Aaron came along. I would have even been happy if, after Rika voiced her concern, Michael calmed the situation down and reassured her in some way. His immediate reaction seemed to confirm the reasons why she didn’t tell him in the first place, not to mention his reaction to her confiding in Kai (are you not all family? Doesn’t she get to have as strong a bond with him, as with any of the others? Why does he get all your suspicion? It’s hardly fair.). But if he said he didn’t care about any of that, he just wanted her and their lives, whatever came at them without going to the other extreme first, then I could have dealt with them adopting. I didn’t like how Athos came into their lives though; just so perfectly plopped into their laps.

Basically, I wanted to see Rika and Michael struggle. Or know that they struggled and got through it together, before getting everything they wanted. But it was all handed to them and that made me mad. It also upset me that it felt like the message was “a child will fix a marriage” or “children are needed for a happy family”. There didn’t seem to be any creative thought for what a family could look like.

I personally didn’t have a problem with Damon having a big family. Honestly, that makes the most sense to me. Though at the end, with Emmy, it did feel like a rush to fit all of the couples having at least one child, but then that also kind of makes sense. Will was 27 by the time Indie was born. He’s not a young parent by any means, and all his friends already had children. If he wanted his kids to grow up with them, then he didn’t have time to wait. I also think when you consider the age gaps with Kai and Banks kid’s (11 and 5) and Will and Emmy’s kids (9, 5, and a mystery but still young), then they probably did some planning. And they probably didn’t have to do as much planning as you’d think. They’re financially secure and own their company. Money isn’t an issue for them. They live in a small town and their kids will go to private school, so picking a good neighborhood isn’t necessary. They live around extended family and have hired help, so who’s going to watch the kids in case of an emergency is settled. The only thing they’d really have to think about is raising children, knowing the kind of enemies they’re going to have, but there’s always risks to anything involving children, so it’s either do or don’t. What I liked was that they were committed to being parents. It didn’t just happen and now they have a kid they didn’t want or an unexpected, unhappy accident. That would have been sad.

I mean, I agree that they should have thought it through before becoming parents – it seemed for the narrative that Banks and Winter were sort of…surprised to be pregnant? Like they didn’t think it could happen or was going to? (And wasn’t Winter also on birth control when she became pregnant with their second? Or am I making things up again??) But who knows, maybe they did discuss it and we didn’t get that part of the story.

None of the guys thought about getting jobs; privilege gives you that kind of freedom. Michael only wanted to be a pro-athlete. The others didn’t even know what they wanted to go to school for. Kai figured it out in prison when he had no choice, Damon thought he was going to inherit his father’s empire, and Will probably thought he was going to work for his grandfather in some capacity. Or travel until he couldn’t anymore. All of them were immature.

I thought Rika said she went to the doctors, but I could be wrong. Not picking up CC for that. Anyway, I didn’t pick up on Rika accepting the blame of infertility. I think society places a lot of responsibility on the woman to bear children, so it didn’t strike me as odd that she would assume she was the problem. This is probably something a lot of women go through and might have felt relatable to some readers. And I have no desire to be a parent, so the level at which she was distraught over telling Michael didn’t hit with me, but I assume for someone who does want to be a parent, Rika’s reaction and handling of the situation might also be relatable. No idea. And when people are so wrapped up in their emotions, their reactions to things aren’t always right. I just know how I would have liked the situation to be responded to when emotions calm down, and I didn’t get that. So ...

Rika and Michael’s communication and trust issues, especially around Kai, are one of the issues I brought out in another ask. They really need to get those sorted out; it was getting ridiculous.

Overall, the first time I read CC, I got the impression that the infertility issues might have been something PD brought in from their real-life experiences. Maybe not them personally, but someone they knew, served as the inspiration (But that is just a guess and I have no way of knowing. I could be completely off). And then at the end, they wanted Rika to have a child, so we got Athos. Later, it all works out for them and Rika gets to experience pregnancy, so we get Aaron.

It’s one of those things that yeah… it can happen in real life. But should it happen in this story? Does it add or take away something? I felt this plot point took away something from the story.

As far as Rika becoming mayor, this point had me scratching my head and laughing because yeah…she was still in college, or recently graduated, and she has all those other responsibilities on her plate. I mean, I don’t really care about her age. I’d look to Parks and Recreation, because wasn’t Ben mayor of his town at like…18 or somethin? But then he was bad at it because of inexperience. So yeah, Rika becoming mayor and then being good at it felt like overkill, for reasons you said: other members of community, more mature and experienced members, would be going that position of power, and also, she would be inexperienced in that sort of leadership role.

Which is why I always assumed she got the position through intimidation. Specifically through the Torrance’s name. Say what you’d like about Damon, I wouldn’t want him breaking into my house to “earn” my vote for Ms Fane. And let’s not get started on Bank’s taking control of Gabriel’s empire. Banks and Damon totally got anyone who challenged Rika to back down, and then pushed her into position so that they could all control the town and do what they wanted.

So Rika standing there and gaslighting herself “we’re not really criminals” is hilarious to me. Yes. Yes, you are. You are a criminal. You will be a corrupt mayor. Just because it’s “for the good of the town” and not just yourself doesn’t mean what you’re doing isn’t shady and corrupt. But sure, keep lying to yourself.

I don’t remember the Ninja comment but I’m sure it was cringe and I’m choosing to forget it.

But like I said, this series was just supposed to be fun. We’re not meant to think deeply and make sense of it. Just turn off your brain and enjoy the ride. Anything more than that, and starts to fall apart.

This is bittersweet but not even in a decent way and, not gonna lie, im pissed.

Im happy for Cleo, and Kaleb, im happy Josie went to Belgium even if the fact that there was no closure with Finch is at least questionable- Finch wasnt just a rebound, she was important to Josie and they really cared for each other and Finch was a huge support for Josie to come to terms with herself and her darkness, you wont be able to convince me she wasnt important enough to Josie to at the very least get a letter or something-, im happy Caroline is finally in charge like she should have been from the beggining, im happy Jed and Ben didnt get added to the long of list of bury your gays. There were moments in there that made me smile.

But, dude. Wtf.

Landon is to be forever in Limbo. Shut up. Him saying he finally has a home and somewhere to belong is such a slap in characters face too. He did find a home in the Salvatore School! He found a home with his friends, with his found family. He belonged, and having him say that is just a cheap try at making this decision less cruel.

And Jed. They had him loudly explaining to Ben that being a wolf was a part of him, that he didnt view it as a curse, that he liked that part of himself and his pack and being an alpha and they then? just?? take it from him??? What the actual fuck. The disrespect. Yeah, they didnt bury the gays, they just assasinated the character and backed away from what Jed had grown to be in a way that doesnt make logical sense in story and trusted that giving him a happy ending with Ben was enough. And its not. Im really happy to see them happy together, but its not.

MG got reduced to only Lizzie. He might as well not have developed at all through the seasons. He doesnt even get time with his friends in the end, no matter how close he and Kaleb were, no matter that he actually had other things going on apart from getting with Lizzie.

Which brings me to Lizzie. I know this was the end. I know they really really liked mizzie and wanted them to be endgame. This still didnt work. It still didnt make actual sense. They backtracked Lizzies development for it. They backtracked MGs development fot it. They even backtracked the progression of plot fot it. It feels out of character and it suffers for it.

And what the fuck was Alarics ending? Do they realize that just because they have the other characters say in universe how amazing Alaric has been thats not enough for the audience? At this point do they care?

Im not pissed about Jen not being there, even if i wanted her there. They didnt get renewed, and we all knew that meant there would be loose ends that they couldnt possibly tie together in time, and we were okay with that. But this wasnt it. This was throwing the progression of the story out the window in favor of putting their favorite characters and dinamics front and center one last time even if that meant screwing almost everything else. This was screwing the characters they didnt truly care for and adding insult to injury by having the story and the characters themself act like it made sense. Landon in limbo didnt make sense even if he said it did. Mizzie didnt make sense just because Lizzie and MG confessed their love for each other. You dont make the plot work, you just piss off the audience cause we see what youre doing.

And generally id say write the story you want to write. But this is show. This is the 4th season. You have an audience, and you know it. Youve expressed that you care about said audience too, even if it was just to keep people invested. If you respected the audience like you said, this wouldnt just be about the story you want, with all your self indulgence and preferences for one character or another. But it was. Cause you dont actually care for the audience. Or logic, apparently.

I will remember the good. I just wish there wasnt so much bad too, in the very end of this series i honestly enjoyed.

The U.S is interfering in my home country and I refuse to quietly sit back and let this happen

The Pakistani prime minister Imran Khan was voted out due to threats from the U.S. I am urging you all to read and share this as our voices are being silenced in most media. 

This is an extremely bold claim and one i dont want to believe but there is enough of a motive and evidence to show this took place. I would like to preface this with the fact that i have done alot of research into the past, the present and the current situation as best as i could, i cant say its completely unbiased as its shaped by me living in pakistan while the past regimes were active and with all of my extended family still living there and experiencing all this first hand but that is precisely why im talking about this. 

Imran Khan has been extremely important for our country and protests have burst out globally in response to his undemocratic take down, why? well heres some highlights of his reign as prime minister:

He INTRODUCED HEALTHCARE

he initated a program that paid people to plant trees and managed to have MORE THAN A BILLION TREES PLANTED 

especially promoting planting fruit trees whenever and wherever to the general public (which is an extremely smart move as if they grow to start giving fruit thatll be a free source of food tho the only source of this information is my memories of a speech he had during a summer a few years ago and my mom also being interested in planting because of this)

ONE OF THE BEST PANDEMIC RESPONSES ON EARTH i am not joking despite our country being the 5th most populated country on earth:

i am talking lockdowns for short periods of time when necessary, giving out money and rations during these lockdowns so already doing more than the US did with a tiny fraction of the budget

Focused on minorites more than any PM in recent history before him, restoring and allowing sikhs and hindus to finally visit their holy places that exist in Pakistan after previous governements had them shut down

PUSHED FOR RENEWABLE ENERGY declining coal plants and starting a couple of dam projects

Focused on education!!! education for the poor and the ones the rich were extremely different (i would know, i lived both) and he made a system to fix that!! all the way up to high school!!!

i couldnt find sources for this one but there were news reports and physical videos showcasing free to use housing for people visiting out of town that couldnt pay for a hotel like at railways, its hard to fake actual buildings that didnt exist so im bringing this up

Fought back against the massive amounts of islamophobia and heading talks at UN centered around the extremism against muslims, some reporters say he was the first and perhaps only muslim prime minsiter or political person to do so but i have no source for that so take that part with a grain of salt

And this is just a highlight reel of the stuff he managed to accomplish, he had even been discussing programs to pay the unemployed which would be amazing, my own parents thought it was a bad idea but it shows how much he puts our people before anything else!!! He is nowhere near perfect but he tries and has done alot of good and that is so much more than we can say about our previous governments!

Now he has been thrown out of our government, how? The parties asked to commence a no-confidence vote against him in parliament. But amongst themselves, not the population. That already feels extremely undemocratic as thats based on what the parliament wants and going against what the people want but it gets worse as before it could take place he revealed a letter sent to the government by the U.S essentially saying that if he is not kicked out through a no-confidence motion and if Pakistan doesnt cut ties with others, he and Pakistan will suffer. THEY SENT A THREAT LETTER. Due to laws he cannot share the letter itself but some agencies confirmed its legitamacy. And while the U.S denied this the one delivering the letter dodged any questions about that meeting thus cementing some legitamicy to this claim. A day after the meeting where the letter was delivered, the opposing parties applied for a no-confidence motion to take place!! He asked for the motion to be shut down as its coming from outside forces aka the U.S, and the parliament was ok with it but then those same parties took it to court (which according to some sources is technically not how the government runs in Pakistan, the court does not weigh in on matters of the parliament usually but i cannot verify this) and they set up shop in the middle of the night out of nowhere to have the motion played out and so he was kicked out. 

In his place came the brother of a previous prime minister, a convicted criminal who is supposed to be in jail who is hiding out in london after lying about being sick and being allowed to travel out of country to recover. He was only allowed a few months and it has been years, even his passport has expired oh but his brothers first task was to get him a diplomatic passport because of course the brother of a criminal is supporting a criminal. 

So far they have increased the massive amounts of inflation that Imran had been holding back, despite their entire media campaigns against him being that he ‘mismanaged finances and has increased expenses’ aka being a complete hypocrit and have silenced people against them by robbing and/or arresting them and also setting up blockades and creating entire media blackouts so as few people as possible can learn of the protests. And yet these protests have still managed to be some of the largest in our history. 

I am not the kind to speak up online, instead choosing to share views from people with closer or better perspectives. However, due to the near complete silence i’ve seen in most media except for when I’m actively seeking it out, i have no choice but to talk about this. 

This is why im making this! I have not seen media talking about this beyond Imran Khan being thrown out and the allegations but it is necessary!! Our demands are simple, either take the allegations seriously or some international forum to weigh in or do a re-election and let the people decide. If anyone has any contradicting information or things to add on feel free to respond though i ask you to have sources as well and I will do my utmost best to give you an informed response through research and with sources. There are no support channels that im aware of that you can donate to, all i ask is that you all spread awareness of what is going on in my country, share this, respost this, share this however you please just send the message across the internet and make everyone aware of what is occuring. We refuse to be slaves to the US, we refuse to be puppets thrown about as they choose!! 

Another week, another lonely struggle.

And we know i've found the whole experience so far to be extremely depressing in the lonliness of ways.

Where to begin...?

So week 26, 14 to go. I still have alot to do alot to be scared of.

Part One - Opinions Wont Keep You Warm At Night

I obviously have some female trauma as previously mentioned. So while for years I always knew if I had a baby boy he'd be named "Oliver Jensen" now my compromise when you add a father into the scenario became "Oliver Joseph" and that was okay but girls names I only ever considered Max. It wasnt a girls name and it didnt remind me of anything bad. It's what I could live with. Now this came up for discussion and I still hated everything so Max become Maxie because I do not like Maxine as a name and again Maxie I can live with. Middle names where a struggle i was even going to leave it blank but I decided fuck public opinion my guy is Gary Payton II and she can be "Maxie Payton" so thats the name. And I'm already sick of the court of public opinions on the subject.

My aunt made a maxi pad joke immediately.

My partners grandmother turnt her nose up and asked what the other opinions are as if it was going up for vote. Didnt like being told there were no other options.

My own grandmother true to form first got upset that my mother did a gender reveal in a family group chat. Then called the baby Maxine anyway and got pissed off when my mother corrected her and went on a tangent how we all name our children names we never intend to use and then couldnt accept that "maxine" is not going to be used at all, the birth certificate will say Maxie and be her legal name. And this was just another of her arguments for arguments sake cos at Christmas when she tried to look great in front of her friends she decided to announce she'd already brought soaps. And I said "thanks but I wish you'd have asked me because we've decided we would use a certain type of soap and lotion considering the skin conditions that run in the families." Which turnt into her losing her marbles about being ridiculous to wish that on your child (i certainly dont wish for it but i'd rather spend an extra few bucks on safe options than deal with an uncomfortable baby if they do happen to have sensitive skin.) And that my generation is ungrateful. So shes not speaking to me at all.

Which brings us to Part Two - the UNgrateful dead.

I'm definately grateful that people want to buy so much stuff for us. But sometimes it feels like you dont get to pick anything your child is going to have. Like people buy so much clothes that you feel like you cant buy anything that you like cos you have so many already or someone brought a baby bouncer that you feel like you now had to use even though you'd seen one you would have preferred. Or like my grandmothers argument over soap and feeling like you cant even have an opinion on goddamn soap! Its so overwhelming. Sometimes you really just want to say no thanks and get what you actually like but social convention bullies you into taking things and smiling through it. I get it you're excited but I used to be too before you all crushed my spirit.

Part Three: Give Me Novocaine

There's no 'one size fits all option' for pregnancy. But everyone still wants to tell you to do as they did and you'll be fine. It very clearly does not work that way and quite honestly my body and pregnancy just don't seem to gel. I've been sick since week 6. Its week 26 and I sometimes am still running off to vomit. So you get all the people who tell you what you should be doing instead as if you havent googled it yourself and tried the whole damn list. Some people just have to suffer through. There's no magic trick for them to fix it. Its absolutely okay to just say sorry it sucks for you without trying to demand your trick is the greatest trick of all tricks. I get alot of pains. Leg pains, back pains, hip pains, vaginal pains, ive never carried this much weight before pains. Again, i'm trying things to feel better, i walk around, do weird stretches, compression aids but you still have people who wanna tell you you're wrong and they are right and it grinds my fucking gears. Here's reality, if I walk around too much i get exhausted and sore, if I sit too much? Exhausted and sore. If i stretch something hurts. There's no winning in this game and I cry alot when I'm alone.

So the sickness thing improved, I've still never had a craving, i still dont have a good relationship with food all I know is that this baby in fact hates things.

Bread thats not white, bread crust, salad, cheesymite scrolls, anything deep fried.

Honestly quite alot of the things i normally would eat, plus the things doctors tell you not to eat. Its hard for me to eat these days and i have no passion for it now. So to face the high possibility to have gestational diabetes was crushingly devastating. To take even more food choices away from me is fucking hard.

So i'm completely alone again to feel defeated. No one gets it again. You just quietly go through the motions and it's hard fucking work. You're not supposed to sit in your scrappy nursery crying by yourself.

on top of that i also have to admit that every single bad experience i've had this past year + few months with people were all really my fault

i literally cannot blame someone for not knowing they were making me uncomfortable and hurting me especially when i encouraged them so much

i had a very bad night yesterday at sagu's boyfriend's house and this night her other bf was here while i was putting on my makeup and he was like mostly joking around but instead of telling him to stop i was just. honestly straight up encouraging him to make me as uncomfortable as possible. not directly but i know he couldnt have possibly known i was feeling pretty awful. neither could the guy last night when i willingly went to his house and said "yes im staying the night" and gave zero signs that i actually wished i was anywhere but there, because deep inside that's not true and i wanted to make myself feel bad so much that instead of asking him to drive me home i stayed in his room sitting on the floor next to the outlet because i felt too uncomfortable and unsafe to sleep. if i actually didn't want to feel unsafe i wouldn't keep coming back to people who treat me badly and couldn't care less about me, i wouldnt have accepted marcus's proposal, i wouldnt keep making new meeff accounts and wandering away from my friends and trying so hard to make the shadiest looking guys in any given place notice me. no matter how you look at it im the only reason i keep having really bad experiences every other week.

except for this time, which i guess is what makes it so infinitely worse and scarier and more traumatizing and its why i have been cryiing in anger and disgust and shame and why the moment i walked into a safe place those memories were instantly blocked and repressed and maybe even entirely forgotten. ive been actively looking for awful things to happen to me and ive put so much effort into making myself as vulnerable and easy to hurt as possible to satisfy my own desires that i forgot how it feels to experience things i actually don't want as opposed to things that would be terrible in any other context except for this very specific one, where even though i feel awful, its the kind of awful that brings back a certain sense of comfort and possibly nostalgia.

this, somehow, makes the whole situation so much worse. to think that all this time i thought i was re-living my early childhood in a way that would help me get over it when in fact i was just suffering for no reason and now that i got to experience what it really was like back then i realize it is as absolutely devastating and horrifying as i thought. i should have known because it hasnt even been that long. in fact, sometimes i randomly feel really bad and immediately know why. i should have known my silly little attempts at making myself the victim of several different things do not feel the same as actually having something really bad happen for real. i guess i just thought i was over it and it didnt hurt me anymore but i only felt that way because i was intentionally putting myself through it. in conclusion im so stupid i regret everything i dont want to ever leave my house again im in pain i want to sleep i want to go back in time i want to have never been born but i also know none of this will stop me from going right back into doing everything i just said i regret

today was the first time ive seen you after all the things youve put me through. october 28th was so long ago but today i felt like you never left. it felt so casual seeing you but not feeling your lips touch mine or feeling your body against mine while you hug me felt so odd. its when i realized i am still used to your touch. even being with other people, i still think its you. i still feel your hands against my body. i am not able to kiss someone else without thinking its you. its so weird to me because i dont even want you back. i just want the memories back. i miss the feeling of being with you all the time. the feeling of you being a place where my soul is at peace. no matter how much youve hurt me i still feel that comfort while thinking of you. i am just hurt so bad. my heart still aches when i think of the good old times. i hate that you were there during the best time of my life, where everything was so good and right. when i felt nothing but pure happiness. i am glad i was able to spend that time of my life with the person i wanted the most back then. you were everything i ever wanted and needed in my life. the only good thing that actually made me happy and feel loved.i hate that my heart still aches so bad for you. i hate that i want the old you back. i hate that all the promises you made were fake. i hate that it had to be that way. why couldnt we be happy together if that was the only thing keeping me sane. why do i have to suffer and lose the only person that gave me hope for something in my life. i dont know why you did what you did but i hope you loved me at least for a bit. i hope at least one “i love you” was real and genuine from you. i know i made you happy and i know i meant something to you, but why do you have to be so self destructive and ruin every good thing in your life. if only you had some hope for yourself and your future, maybe we wouldnt have to be where we are now. i just hope that someday you will still think of me as the person who only loved you for being you. i hate that i couldnt give you the happiness you actually wanted. i am so glad i brought out the best version of yourself at least for some time. i didnt know seeing you again would make my heart ache this much. i always imagined it bringing me some peace, but i dont think it did. you made my mind such a mess that no one is ever going to fix. seeing your face up close after such a long time made me realize how much i loved all you little imperfections. how i always noticed all the little things on you that made me fall in love with you more and more every time i saw you. i hate that i will never get back the person you were before. i hate being the person who saw who you truly were, the version of you no one has seen before. i saw all the good things that are hidden inside of you so deep even you not knowing they exist. i hate memories so much, i hate that they remind me of us. just us being together alone. i hate that i still remember the feeling of hearing the words “i love you” from you. i hate that i remember every kiss on my body. i miss the times where it was being about love. where you actually cared for me and made all the plans about our future. every day i am being reminded of your touch, or the times when you brought me comfort. i truly despise reality and that you cant be the one to wipe away all those tears that are streaming down my face while i am writing all of this, like you did that one night. in my head youre still the man i will always love so much to the point where i would grab the moon and bring it down for you if thats what made you happy. i only wanted to see you smile and feel safe around me and i am so glad i got to experience all the little things with you. some things will only stay there in our memories buried deep down in our hearts only us two will remember. i hate that you werent my forever.

Tender - Azriel x reader - Pregnancy fic. Fem! reader. LONG!!! 

Prompt -  Hi! I just read most of your imagines, and i loved them!  You have me as your faithful follower, I don't comment much because English is not my first language. Could you write one where az manages to perceive that reader is pregnant right in the middle of the war?

You woke to yelling. Not screaming. Not fear or pain, but battle cries that you'd grown to love. They made your blood sing in harmony with the Illyrian voices. It made your heart hammer in your chest, and your muscles tense - ready to fight. Azriel groaned beside you, curling around your waist like a vise. You managed to break free from his muscled arms. Pale light shining through the tent tinted his shadows a light gray. They wrapped around you, drawing a chill down your spine. The war cries grew louder. "Get up. It's time." You shook him, pulling on your light armor. He covered his face with his hands, and did not leave the cot. He groaned again when you pulled the blanket off his mostly naked body. He was never a morning person.  Cassian rushed in when you were putting the last of your gear on, and Az froze. His grip on his pants went white knuckled. Cassian's face was pale, and before he could say anything Azriel was hurriedly pulling on the rest of his clothes. Your stomach dropped at the sight of the Warlord. "It's a diversion." You said, voice hollow. Cassian's slight nod was enough to make the breath leave you. "It's going to be fine." Azriel grunted, pulling his tunic over his head. "We just need to move the troops. Get Rhys here." He waved a hand at his brother dismissively.  Cassian grabbed Az's wrist.  He forced the male to look at him, to see his worried eyes. You tensed, ready to defend your mate even against Cassian's might. "Rhys is on the battlefield already. We're on our own." His voice was low, and the warning in his eyes was enough to make the hair on your arms raise. Azriel pulled away from him, slowly.  He began strapping his weapons belts on, pushed his hair back and sighed. "Where do you need us?"   The air was cold, and the howls of battle echoed across the hills. Azriel's shadows curled around your legs, comforting. Then they slithered their way across the valley where the battle was beginning.  + You could barely raise your sword by the end of it. The mud had been the most challenging part of the entire fight. The enemy horses had done a good job of making obstacles when they fell in the mud, lame with broken ankles and necks. You wished to put them out of their misery, but there was no time. The forces seemed to come in waves. Like a test against your small unit.  Few were lost from your side. The dewey grass steamed in the morning light, carrying up the reek of enemy blood with it. You wiped your face, trying to get the taste of dirt and blood out of your mouth. Sharp stinging pain seared your ribs under your arm. You hissed. Then, you felt the warmth of your own blood. You swore, and looked for a medic that wasn't tending to wounded on the ground.  Some Illyrian bodies were being lifted away, high into the air for burial at their homes. You dared not take a healer away from more critically injured soldiers. You nodded grimly to the ones that you passed. They were covered in blood, and yet still gave you fierce grins when you went by. They respected you. More than any other Illyrian Female before you. It was sad, but you hoped to forge a new path for other females of Illyria. You held an arm under your side and limped your way out of the mud. The packed mess inside your boots made moving your feet hard. You couldn't wait to shower.  You spotted Cassian far down the field, and watched as he raised his sword high over his head. Your stomach twisted in pity for the suffering animal under him. You looked away before you could see the lifeblood drain from the horse's neck. He sent a blessing to the Mother for the animal, and continued on to the next suffering soul that would meet its end via his blade.  + You hadn't seen her in a long while. Too long for a friend, but she gave you that same look she always did when she saw you hobbling up to her for help. Jeva was your favorite healer, and one you knew could keep a secret. She was round, and her voice was light and comforting. She smelled of nutmeg and berries. Something you had appreciated about her since you had met. "What is it this time?" She waved you inside, holding the tent flap open for you while you dumped your battle stained gear on the wood hutch beside the entrance.  The tent was light and airy, filled with small plants of different varieties and cluttered with boxes and books everywhere. Her desk and bed were shoved to the corner, and a long wood table took up the majority of her area. As if she had known you were coming, she already had potions of different types laid out on the end of the table. "Probably nothing." You said, pulling off your armor as gingerly as you could manage. The soft light flickered and changed to a harsh beam when she laid you down on her exam table. "I'm not supposed to be healing anymore you know. I'm retired." She clicked her tongue at you, earning a pained grin. It was hard for you to bother a healer for any amount of time for something that you were sure was so small. But something about it stung too much for it to be just a scrape. And you knew Cassian would lecture you about it being infected if he saw through your mask to the pain. Az would force you to see one anyway as soon as he learned of it.  "You know I wouldnt be here unless I had to be, Jeva." You said through your teeth as she cut away your muddied undershirt.  "Oh, I know. That's why I have my best potions ready." She laughed, then paused. Your shirt lay limp on the table. Her eyebrows knitted together at the sight of your open wound. "Is it bad?" You asked, craning to try to look for yourself. She held you down.  "Metal. Fragments are still in here, likely why it hasn't healed yet." You relaxed at that, grateful that it wasn't worse. "Thank the Mother. Az would have yelled all night." You rolled your eyes, and sighed as she started working on you. The first part was always the worst. The stinging hot potion that made the nerves around the wound numb.  "One-" She began her countdown, then poured. You growled at her, gripping the end of the stained table hard enough to crack. "Easy..." She warned, and smoothed down your hair. She knew how to take care of her patients, that was certain. You relaxed as the stinging eased. The dull ache that it left behind turned into a bad memory.  "I'm going to extract the blade then we can close you up. Simple and easy." She picked up her tools and began tugging away at your side. You could have fallen asleep with the relief the numbing potion brought. And with her humming in the air around you, it was a struggle not to. The time seemed to pass quickly, but when the clank of the metal tools jolted you from your dozing, the tent was lit in orange from the sunset outside. "Relax, we're going to close it up now. Once the potion wears off you will still be sensitive." She placed her hands over you, and the familiar warm vibrations of her healing magic set in. Then it stopped abruptly. You cracked open an eye, then narrowed your brows at her. "What is it?" You said gently, then again when she didnt reply. She stared at you, mouth agape. Her eyes locked to yours, even when you sat up to demand she tell you what the problem was. "Am I dying?!" you took her hand gently, in case she was going to push you away.  Then she started laughing, her hand gripping yours back. The warmth glowed in your palm, the light radiating out from it was starkly contrasting the tent walls bedecked in orange. The light she emitted shot through you, and you felt the wound tingle, and seal. You stared at her in shock. That amount of healing power was incredible. Especially for field medics.  "Youre not dying, no..." She waved a hand, fanning herself. Her eyes were glassy with tears. She sniffed and clutched your hand tighter. "Quite the opposite, darling." She pulled you in for a warm hug.  + You spent the rest of the evening with Jeva. Until she got a hurried message about student healers needing help on the battlefield. You stayed in her tent as long as you could manage with the ringing in your ears. You stared and stared at the mirror across from you, showing you the bloodied warrior that you wanted to be. That you wanted to stay.  The warrior that carried the Shadowsinger's child.  The thought made tears sting your eyes. You refused to let them fall. You had been ignoring his tugs down the bond for well over an hour. You knew he was concerned, but you couldn't bring yourself to shout back down. The only thing that echoed in your mind were Jeva's words "You're pregnant..."  Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.  You nearly punched her when she told you she wasn't joking. The only reason you even believed her was because of that powerful zap of healing she sent to you. That she sent to scan your body and make sure the fetus was okay before you even knew about it. You could barely hear half the words she said as she told you your options.  You roiled with the thought now. The Mugwart she left on the table was daunting. You desperately wanted her back. Jeva would be able to deliberate with you. You knew she would tell you to do whatever makes you happy. You knew that. But you wondered how ethical the choice that made you happy was. Bringing a child into a world of war seemed cruel. Even if it made you happy. You distantly noticed Azriel as you passed him, walking to the forest edge just passed your tent. Worry laced the bond between you. You tried not to show anything back. But you knew he felt the tension, the void there. "Where the hell have you been?!" Azriel's eyes were furious when you passed him, his wings flared out slightly. You couldnt even look at him with anger back. Your emotions ran wild. You were frozen, and as numb as the potion Jeva had given you when she began removing the blade.  "Do you know how worried I have been?! I sent Cassian to-" He tried to grab for your hand to stop you, but you flicked him away. He stopped for a moment, stunned. Then returned with more energy than before. That yawning abyss in your bond was growing darker with shame, worry and anxiety. His shadows roiled around him as he caught up. "You dont get to-" "Azriel..." You stopped in the edge of the clearing. The small meadow was silent in the darkness, not even the monsters of Prythian dared roar tonight. Your mind did all the roaring you could handle, anyway. You tried to focus on the swaying grass, on the soft smell of wet bark and pine hanging in the air.  "Dont try to excuse this I need to know you're okay and-" He stormed in front of you, ready to burst with rage. His fear always made him angry. And for good reason after losing so many close to him.  A tear ran down your cheek, your face burned hot with hundreds of feelings at once. Fear, pain, shock, joy, hope.... elation. You wanted his children. You wanted to help raise his child. You wanted to see Azriel be a father. You knew he would be the best damn Illyrian father there had ever been.  The thought hit you like a well placed punch.  He saw your paleness, your tears and stopped his yelling. You fell to your knees, the mud splattering all around you. You wanted to lay down. Lay down and think about the implications of carrying his child. Would it be good for the baby to be born at all? Just because you wanted it didnt mean it needed to happen. You knew that Jeva would give you a potion to extract it without hesitation if it was what you wished. "I'm-" You choked out, fighting the panic that flooded you. Your mind roiled with the conflict of your mind and heart. It turned you into a muddied, dark ocean on the bond. A turmoil that he couldn't see past. If you were an ocean, he was your lighthouse on the cliffside. Signaling you home.   His eyes darted to your body, to your hands and how they wrung together in front of you. "I'm sorry. I just-" He sighed and took one of your hands. "I'm sorry." He kissed the back of it and brought his forehead to yours. He normally needed a lot longer to cool down after a fight, but seeing you in tears shocked him out of his pride. "I shouldn't have said that... I know you can take care of yourself." his voice was low, and he ran a hand comfortingly down your back. A hysteric laugh bubbled from your throat. It sounded like a sob. You didn't know exactly which it was. He sat back and pulled you into his lap, despite the grass being dewey and damp. He rocked you there for a few seconds before you had to tell him. Before he could be too close if he didnt want you anymore. The doubt crept into your head, and the nerves ate at you. Your heart raced, you could feel it in your neck. "Azriel..stop." You pushed away from him, to catch his beautiful dark eyes. They were painted in a silver hue by the moon above. You took in his face, the curve of his cheeks and lips for possibly the last time. You had to consider the worst possible outcome. You braced yourself for the rejection, for the pain of his reaction. You knew it had to come out. You knew you had to say it now or you never would. Your stomach flipped over and over.  You opened your mouth, a soft sob wracking out of you before you began. He froze. Went utterly still, his shadows even stopping for a second before whirling faster than before. Your eyes went wide. His nose flared, eyes narrowed. He held you closer, sniffing at your neck. He pulled back and his eyes were even wider than before. His mouth fell open when you nodded. "I'm-" "Youre-" his face went through a whirlwind of different emotion. Then, he broke out into a small laugh. He couldn't stop. You felt the tears running down your cheeks and didnt bother to wipe them away. "Honey... I'm sorry." He stopped laughing suddenly. "What do you want to do?" His eyes were masked, his expression the most serious you'd ever seen him. His aura on your bond seemed to go completely gray and still, as if he didn't want you to see him. He masked everything. In preparation for whatever you decide. The gesture made your heart squeeze in appreciation. You stammered, resting your forehead on his. "I dont know." You muttered, voice cracking. Then, he was wrapping his arms around you in a smothering hug. When he pulled away, he cradled your face in his hands. The hands that had seen so much cruelty in his life. The possibilities of the same thing happening to your child made your heart race. "I'm here for whatever decision you make." He brushed your cheek with a thumb. You nodded and let him hold you like that for a while. Quietly rocking back and forth with you in his lap. + You were near falling asleep when the war cries rang out again. Illyrians howling for their leaders to join them. Another onslaught of death coming their way. The calls were distant, but Azriel tensed the second he heard them. Your blood went cold. He buried his face to your chest, as if he wished he could hide there. "I'm not going." He said when you tried pushing him away. "I wont leave you." He promised, locking his muscled forearms around you. The echoes of battle cries faded. He stroked your hair, and traced his fingers along your back. Then he swore. "Let me take care of this." He said, voice edged with anger. Nerves pricked at your stomach, but you stood, wobbling on your feet slightly. He took off into the night sky painted in silvers and blues by the full moon. Then came racing back down right behind Rhys. the high lord took one breath and then he was hugging his brother. Azriel shoved him off, and they shot into the night sky. Well, Azriel did. He dragged Rhys with him. Grunts of pain and fleshy sounds of punching rang out.  You followed them high into the air where they had their conversation. Your wings led you around them with ease. "Stop fighting and use your words, boys." You warned. You recognized Azriels growl and smiled to yourself as they broke apart. Rhys adjusted his tunic and cleared his throat. "I need you there. Cassian is handling the Western front, the others need a leader."  Azriel began protesting against the high lord. "I cant with my mate-" "I know it feels impossible right now but-" "I will not, Rhys-" You set your jaw. If they wanted to fight over if you needed protection or not, you would take the option off the table all together. "I'll go." you said, voice strong since hearing Jeva announce what grew inside you. Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant. You shoved the thoughts away as far as you could. They both turned to you, horror striking Azriels features. "Absolutely not. No." Heat and rage flared down the bond. It made you want to defy everything he said. You locked eyes with him and glared. Rhys glanced between you with tense shoulders. He cleared his throat. "It would be a good compromise, Azriel. You can go together to the Eastern front. Think about it." He placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and gave him a grim smile.  "I wont say a word." He said, summoning the darkness around him then winnowing away. Azriel's cold eyes made him look like a statue. "Let's go." He said, and started circling lower. Back to the meadow.  "I'm going, you cant stop me from following you." You said, expecting a fight. He said nothing. You were met with that silence that drove others crazy tryin to find out what he wanted from them. The bond seemed to snap taut, then go into a relaxed state. He was hiding. You knew it, but would rather have silence and peace than him trying to fight you again.  He walked you back to the tent, and exhaustion took you under before you could remember him laying down with you. You hoped it it was exhaustion, and not whatever the baby was doing to you. Despite your best efforts, you couldn't resist the urge to cradle your belly while you slept. There was no bump, but it felt like the most natural thing to do now that you were aware of the being inside you. You slept hard, and awoke to the breakfast bell chiming. The sounds of slow footsteps marching through the mud kept you awake. Azriel was gone, but the candle on the table was lit. A note lay there waiting for you. His messy scrawl made you smile, the familiarity of his writing reminded you of the notes he would leave you when he had to leave early for meetings with Rhys. "Back by nightfall, lover. A guard is at the tent, ask her to bring you anything you need. -A" You peeked outside the tent to see Jeva there, her long fur coat shimmering in the morning light. Her breath clouded in front of her when she gave you a soft smile. "Good morning." She pulled a muffin from her coat. "Your favorite." She winked, and you pulled her inside. She had a fire roaring by the time you finished your food. "How are you not freezing?" She complained, blowing into her hands to keep them warm. You brushed the crumbs from your shirt and really took into account the changes you'd noticed lately. How hungry you'd been, how tired after the easiest days.  "Do you know... How um..." You gestured to your stomach. She gave a small smile and nodded. "Only a month or so." She said quietly. You stared at your stomach, as if waiting for something to answer you. To give some sort of affirmation that Jeva was right. She continued warming herself by the fire, and soon the tent was filled with her warm chestnut smell. Cassian entered the tent when you were starting to doze off again. The wool blanket on your lap reminded you of a time when you first met Az. Your heart squeezed at the memory of those long nights shared together by a fire. Taking your turns on watch duty. You shook yourself from the memory. Cassian froze. His face scrunched up at the sight of you. The scent, you realised. You swore to yourself, and Jeva only nodded when he looked to her. "Youre pregnant?" He asked breathlessly, and you could smell the fear and excitement coming from him. In fact, you could smell the smoked meat on his breath. And the cold air that clung to him from outside. It was refreshing, like a cool drink on a hot day amid the dry heat inside the tent. "I'm sorry, I shouldnt have.." He ran a hand through his hair, trying to remain focused.  "Its okay, Cass. What's going on? Az left me this note." You handed it to him. His lips moved as he read it. He went white as bone. Your stomach dropped.  + Azriel had gone in the night to take out the entire eastern flank with a small group of Illyrians. You felt your world skittering away as Cassian told you. Your vision went blurry, and tears fell, dripping on your hands that clenched the wool blanket.  "He's on his way here now. He had to answer to Rhys first."  Cassian waited for you to say anything. But your lips just couldnt form the words. The hurt, anger... the betrayal you felt for him going to battle without you. And defying a direct order from his high lord like a fool. "I suggest you leave before Azriel comes back. It may get messy." Jeva spoke for you, and you were grateful. You gave Cassian a nod of thanks before he turned and left. The cold wind that blew in from the door gave you goosebumps.  "Take it easy, you dont want to be too stressed." Jeva handed you a mug of tea and gave you a small squeeze. You could smell Azriel before he entered. Jeva shot him a glare, but said nothing. "I'll be in my tent if you need me." She promised, gave you a look that said 'find me after' and left. Azriel took off his armor plates one by one. A bit too slowly to be considered normal. Stalling. You said nothing. You let the tension roil out of you, let it hit him down the bond. Like a wave getting ready to break. He rolled his shoulders, stretched his wings.  The mask he wore cracked when he saw your fists balled in the blanket. "I couldnt risk you... or the babe." He tried to hide the fear that shone through. The fear of his mate or child being hurt in battle. He wouldnt be able to stand it. The fight was needed, anyway. He needed to get out his instincts to protect protect protect.  You said nothing. You let that looming wave grow larger. He sighed, and sat at the end of the cot beside you. "I'm sorry. I needed....I needed to get my head straight. I should have told you. I'm sorry." That wave crashed, not on him though. Internally, guilt and fear melting in on yourself. "I cant lose you, we... We cant." You said through your teeth, trying to hold back the tears that begged to spill over. He tried his best to hold back his surprise. "We?" He asked, a small smile playing on his full lips.  You gave him a grim smile. "If you're...ready to be a father. I like imagining you, with my child."  "Our child." He said with a bubbling laugh. You laughed with him, and it turned to hysterics.  He wiped tears from the corner of your eyes. "We're going to have a baby?" He cradled your face, looking into your eyes. You took one of his hands, and placed it on your flat belly. "Yes. We are." You said, voice quivering.  He wrapped you into a hug, and you cried together in the cot. 

It’s all for his sake - Endeavor and the Sunk Cost Fallacy

My hero academia 301 is a pretty interesting chapter, but for me, the most notable piece of it was how Endeavour reacted to the realization that Touya couldnt surpass All Might.

upon realizing that his son might not be able to do it because of inborn physical limitations, he immediatly stopped his training, which frankly was the responsible and adult thing to do. 

This stint of real parenthood did not last long however.

After taking the matter to a doctor, he is flat out told that not only cant Touya achive what endeavor wants, but it is a direct result of his incredibly selfish and irresponsible attempt to play god, by trying to breed the “perfect” hero into being.

It is how you react when you lose however, that shows who you really are, and endeavor illustrates that very, very well.

Upon being told in no uncertain terms that his attempts at Breeding an heir failed magnificently, producing a child that was not capable of resisting his own immense power, but also admonished by his doctor for even attempting it, and adviced not to try again, Endeavor instead doubled down, while focusing on the child he screwed over from the start with his attempt at genetic manipulation.

It was all for him you see. Endeavor doesnt use those words, but that is how he spins it here. it was all for Touya, all for his sake. if i stop now, then Touya was all for nothing, a mistake, im doing this for my son.

if im doing this for my son, then im not responsible for any of this.

his wife however, calls him out on it, as she understands Touya much, much more than endeavor does. or rather, she sees him fully as a human being, instead of as a thing, a weapon, a failed attempt at an heir.

Unlike Endeavor, Rei is able to see the way this all is affecting her son. She is able to see, and understand that Touya has fully accepted what Endeavor wanted him to be. a stronger, and better version of himself. however, unlike Endeavor, she only cares about him as a person.

Endeavour by comparison isnt completely uncaring about Touya. like most abusive parents, he does possess love for his offspring, but it is forever tainted by the fact that however much he might care, or not care about Touya, any familial love he has for his son is tainted by the fact that to Endeavor, he is a failed experiment, a failed heir, not his child. 

He is the golden child that Endeavor was building up as his true and only heir, who he breed, trained, and molded to for that single purpose, and now that he’s reached a point where he cant continue that legacy.

so, its time to abandon him, and start over new, despite literarily having just learned how stupid this plan was, and that it can, in fact, go completely wrong, with a quirk that will fuck over the person he brings into the world.

Of course, Endeavor doesnt use those words to frame it. there is no way to pretend to be a hero, if you phrase it like that after all. Intead, this is the words he uses.

this is a very important series of panels for a great number of reasons, some that can be debated, argued, and we will probably never know the full truth to the questions because this is a series published in 2020′s shonen jump, and there are things that probably wasnt gonna fly with Hori��s editors, if it was the case.

but lets start with what can not be debated. Endeavor’s words here.

“If we want him to give it up, then we have no choice... Touya... Cant surpass him.”

These are very telling words, and however you believe The third and fourth children of the Todoroki family was concieved, there is not denying the meaning of what he’s saying here.

The only way that my son will stop being an idiot and fall into line, is if we have another baby. that is the only Right way to move forward. it is morally right, because if we dont do this, then he’s going to destroy himself.

there are two ways to interpret this scene.

The charitable way is to read it as the fact that he used Rei’s oldest son’s mental state as a justification of guilting his wife to have a third child, to give this attempt at a superpowered breeding project another shot, despite the fact that they now know that this can lead to a child who is essentially born crippled from his own powers, and despite the fact that Rei obviously understands the effect of them continuing this insanity will have on their oldest son.

the uncharitable way to look at it, is that he used this as justification for flat out raping her, and forcing a third, and then later a fourth child on her.

I personally believe the last one, given a number of factors shown in this chapter(the way this page is framed, the fact Rei obviously didnt want a third child, given she predicted exactly how touya would react, the way her eyes would latet turn when she looks at who is presumably touya which really brings to mind how she would later react to her youngest son’s face after her mental breakdown, etc.), but i’ll frankly admitt that withouth a direct quote from Hori, its impossible to know for sure one way or another. 

either way however, this is a very good example of Endeavor both being influenced by, and using Sunk Cost Fallacy to justify bringing another potentially crippled child into the world for his own, selfish goals.

sunk cost Fallacy, is a mental reaction to when you invest more time and resources into a project, that you becomes so emotionally invested into said project that you will continue to invest into it, even if it reaches a point that it becomes clear that the resources you put into it, far, far outweighs the potential gains you can achieve.

because if you give up after having invested years, and years of effort to breed, raise, and train a kid, and then all that effort was absolutely wasted. hence he choose to keep going, despite having learned what a terrible idea this is.

He doesnt care about the fact that his next child might be even more crippled than his firstborn, he doesnt care about his son’s actual wellbeing. he cares about the fact that if he doesnt continue this insanity, then not only will he not achieve his dreams, but everything he did to get to this point was for absolutely nothing.

and endeavor cannot accept that. and so long as he can justify breeding more children into the world, and there being any chance they might inherit both quirks perfectly, he doesnt care about anything else.

and the moment he realised that this kid wasnt gonna cut it either, he did it again. it is not a coincidence, that the age gap between Endeavor’s second, third, and fourth children were all 3-4 years apart. because thats the age where you can usually tell when a quirk will manifest or not, as established earlier in the series.

While she isnt brought up directly by Endeavor as a justification, it is very telling that Endeavor decided on having a third child, only after his second child was old enough that he could tell that that there was no chance she could take the place as his heir instead.

So, he had his third child, and as time passed and it became obvious that he wasn’t gonna be able to fulfill Endeavor’s goals either, he dumped him, and instead breed a fourth child into existence.

and finally, he struck gold. he did it. he produced Shoto.

everything was finally worth it, and now, everything would be absolutely fine. the cost fallacy had reached its end, and it was now all full sails ahead.

except of course it wasnt.

His oldest son, now in middle school, had been raised from birth to believe he would surpass his father, only to be thrown away, and getting to see his father try to replace him, not once, but twice.

frankly, this scene is probably my favorite in the chapter, because it goes to show Endeavor’s mindset. Natsuo made a point that their father completely ignored his older children. and he did... from Natsuo’s perspective. however, having a more thourough picture of things, we can clearly see that this wasnt the case with Touya.

Endeavor genuinly cared for Touya, enough that once he got that child he tried to breed into existence 4 times, he genuinly wanted him to just abandon trying to be a hero. he genuinly thinks of himself as a good dad here, wanting his son to abandon the mission he set out for him before he was born. of course, with context, this heartwarming scene is incredibly sad and insidious, because we understand why Endeavor got so attached to his oldest child. because he WAS the golden child. he was the child Endeavor genuinly cared about, and invested in, and trained personally with great warmth and enthusiasm.

And not only did he abandon him as a failed project the moment he realized he wasnt gonna live up to his ridiculous standards, but he literarily created 2 more kids to try and replace him, just as his oldest son was old enough to understand what exactly his dad was doing. over the course of this chapter, we get to see Touya’s start as a 5-8 year old, his deteriorating mental state over the years, until he finally seemed to reach the breaking point with Shoto’s birth sometime in his middle school years 12-15. 

Endeavor is in this scene, just not capable of understanding why Touya so desperately wants to become a hero, when obviously he isnt physically able to do so. he isnt able to understand that he is 100% to blame for the fact that his son is having a full emotional breakdown after literaly being replaced by his siblings. 

In other words, Endeavor genuinly think’s he’s a good person. a person who has made a few mistakes along the way sure, but a person who was always justified in the end, and now that he’s having to face the fact that as dabi would later say “The past never dies” and has to face the aftermath of his inane attempt to play god for the pettiest of reasons, things simply arent going to work out.

He isnt going to have a happy family, who can now put the awful early years behind them, he put way too much effort, caused too much suffering and sacrificed too many years of his life for this not to work out as he wants.

after all, if he walks away from this project now, and lets Shoto have a normal childhood, and decide for himself, with no pressure from him, wheter or not to become a hero, then the sunk cost fallacy will have reached a negative end. it will all have been for nothing.

and we know he did eventually double down on this mentality, literarily beating into Shoto that he WAS going to become a hero, and there was not but’s or no’s about it.

there was no way that Endeavor was EVER going to let things be for nothing. His treatment of his older children could not be for nothing. His treatment of his wife could not be for nothing. His treatment of Shoto, and the way he beat him black and blue to train him, could not be for nothing.

Because if it all was for nothing, if everything he feels guilty about was for absolutely nothing, then he was in fact, a bad, bad person, who had no justification for anything he ever did.

enhypen x short!reader

pairing: enhypen x short!reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: how enhypen would react to a short reader!!! this was requested btw i hope u guys like 😁 ive written separate headcanons for sunghoon and jay before but i wrote more here anyways 😏 THERES A COUPLE CUSS WORDS IN HERE

———————

HEESEUNG:

okay lets get this straight

hes literally the tallest member in enha

and then ur the shortest in ur friend group

POWER COUPLE ⁉️⁉️⁉️

im literally crying bc when u guys are standing facing each other heeseung is just looking straight over ur head LIKE UR NOT EVEN IN HIS LINE OF SIGHT

and THIS is why he always has his arm around ur shoulder or he makes sure ur holding onto his arm or smthn

HE WANTS U TO BE WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES BC SOMETIMES HE CANT SEE U☹️☹️☹️

and when hes practicing he likes to bring u up to dance with him

like he holds ur hands and u just try to 💃🏻🕺🏻💃🏻 with justin bieber playing in the background

“i cant dance heeseung u know this” u stare up at him

“i know just vibe to the music~”

he finds it hilarious so hes giggling the whole time u two do a little jiggy

AND THEN HE GETS ALL SOFT AND TURNS U AROUND TO BACKHUG U AND FACE THE MIRRORS and he watches u guys sway back and forth slowly to the music

he loves the height difference and hes always looking at it in mirrors

JAY:

*takes a deep breath* ... JAYYYYYY‼️‼️

he probably mentioned how short u are a couple times when you first met but i dont think he would be the type to constantly point out ur height and tease u or smthn

BUT!!!!! he loves it

alot of clothes you like are often too big for you and hes like

I Am Here To Rescue You From Distress, My Love

Ur so thankful for him!!!

he loves finding clothes for you

shirts arent a big problem its mostly the pants

AND HE LIKES BUYING U PLATFORM SHOES

he says “u look so good”

Jay ur superman 🔥

idk he just thinks ur so cute

he likes to stare at u like 🥰🥰☺️☺️

❤️_❤️

Jay has such big heart eyes for u AAAAAA

when u two are in the kitchen u arent able to reach the high cupboards

SO HE BOUGHT U A HELLO KITTY STOOL

one time he stood on it and was like “y/n look”

you literally almost broke your neck trying to see him because HE WAS SO HIGH IN THE AIR

so high u were like “u got enough oxygen up there⁉️⁉️”

and then he said “u look like an ant” and he started dying at his own joke

But he never pulled that stool stunt again bc u attacked him viciously🤗🤗🤗

JAKE:

Wait im crying already

everytime i write about jake i have to take a break

hes literally too much for my heart

Okay

HE GIGGLE.....

he GIGGLE!!!!!!!

HE GIGGLES AT EVERYTHING U DO

Hes so obsessed with u its not even funny

he probably loves u more than u love him AND HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE BC HES JAKE SIM

His favorite thing ever is when sit in between his legs and ur back against his chest yknow

when u guys watch movies he feeds u popcorn like that

IM GONNA SAY THIS FOR ALOT OF THEM BUT

Head Pats!!!!!

He pats ur head alot or ruffles ur hair alot

and hes just so gentle with u

Ur like his little baby >_<

HIS BIG JACKETS WAIT

Jakes big fluffy bulky jackets

he wants u to wear them

and he

he zips them up all the way and puts the hoodie over ur head

and he just dies of laughter

Ur standing there like 🧍🏻‍♂️

“its getting hot in here jake”

you tried to flick the hood off but the chunky sleeve mixed with ur short arm was not a good combination so you couldnt even raise your arm

That made jake lose it and he just fell to the floor in tears😭

but seeing him so happy made u 🥰☺️ kinda so its okay

SUNGHOON:

Hello hand holder

i say this whenever write for hoon

but this guy🤝🤝🤝

Get those hands ready yall

mmm okay

he probably calls u shorty whenever he teases u

Rude ass 🙄

ur like “😐” and hes like

“im sorry” *attacks u in a very messy and unmannered hug to the point where u fall back onto the couch and almost break ur leg*

i bet he holds stuff up in the air so u have to jump up and attempt to get it😭 so evil

but he doesnt like seeing u suffer for too long so he gives it to u after like 5 seconds 😁

he teases u alot but when ur out in public hes like Bodyguard Hoon

Hes not letting anything happen to u!!!!

once again HES HOLDING UR HAND AT ALL TIMES

one thing he says he doesnt like but we all know hes lying is when u like to jump on his back and force him to give u a piggyback ride

he just accepts it

one time u fell asleep on his back and he was like

“uh y/n”

silence

yeah he eventually plopped u on the couch which woke u up

SUNOO:

Sunoo thinks ur so adorable 💧_💧

like u two could just be sitting next to eachother watching something

and u have ur legs pulled up to ur chest and ur arms wrapped around them with ur chin on ur knees

you hear him giggling to himself

u look over like ......🤨 “what”

“nothing y/n *giggles again* ur just so cute”

ur like Staaaaawwp and u push his shoulder

and then he pushes u back

AND THEN U START FIGHTING

Play fighting ****

u guys laugh so much 😭😭

sunoo likes to talk about you alot

to everyone

literally everyone

to the boys: “omg y/n fell trying to reach the garlic LMAO”

to his mom: “y/n went up to this guy thinking it was me and pushed him it was so funny”

to his instagram: “how did y/n fit through my neighbors doggy door and why”

PLEASE when u two have arguments for fun

u go jump on the couch so u can be taller than him

and u just stare at eachother before bursting out into laughter

he loves to show u off aaaa “heres y/n” ☺️☺️☺️☺️

JUNGWON:

EXPECT TEASING AT LEAST ONCE A DAY

Please i think id cry if i was friends with jungwon (AND NI-KI)

he play too much 😫 he actually has no chill

“can u reach this y/n? or should i carry you *evil laugh*”

but besides from the teasing he adores u so much

and theres some things you arent able to do

But hes so happy to do it for you!!! he loves feeling like hes doing smthn for u

He always has this proud dad look on his face whenever u literally do ANYTHING

u could literally pick a twig off the ground and jungwon would go 😊 thats my y/n

he likes to massage ur legs when ur just chilling on ur bed or smthn

hes got one hand massaging ur legs and his other hand massaging his own legs

“i’ll make us grow taller y/n!”

“what??? you don’t need to be taller jungwon, i do!!” u snatch the hand hes using to massage his own leg and plant it right back on ur own legs

he starts laughing really hard and u think ur the president of comedy now 🔥🔥

he likes feeling tall when hes with u

but he also likes being babied 🙁🙁

Plz give him head kisses and cheek pinches

NI-KI:

This kid is literally a titan

and hes crazy

picks u up BRIDAL STYLE and starts running around the room like an animal

like WHAT ???????

he says its because you’re the only THING around and he needs the exercise

and this kid is a teaser too😫😫

“y/n can you hand me the cereal up there? oh wait you cant”

you turn around like What the hell did u just say...

yeah he got a smacking that day

NO BUT SOMETIMES HE BE TAKING THE JOKES TOO FAR AND RIGHT AFTER HE SAYS IT HES LIKE

“im just kidding i didnt mean it”

Anyways

ni-ki is also very sweet

he offers piggyback rides and makes u little gifts

one time u got a cramp from being on ur tippy toes too long

he was laughing at first but then he saw ur eyes welling up with tears and he ran to u really fast 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

ALSO WHEN U HOLD HANDS you both always stare bc THE SIZE DIFFERENCE PLLLZZZSSMMMNXX

heres an analogy

ni-ki hands : whale :: y/n hands : seahorse

LITERALLY U CANT EVEN SEE UR HANDS ANYMORE

they just vanish into thin air and u guys think its peak comedy

“whered ur hand go y/n 💀”

Ruby and Blake need a place to stay, so Weiss invites them over to her house. However, neither bug is aware of Weiss’ nefarious intentions… to win them over as her girlfriends!

“Thank you again for letting us stay here,” Ruby said as she brought in hers and Blake’s travel bags. “You have no idea how much this means to us.” 

“Its not a problem.” Weiss motioned Ruby to follow her to one of the guest bedrooms of the manor. “How long do you and Blake plan to stick around?” 

“However long it takes for the two of us to clear things up with the General. Since he suspended our huntsman licenses, there’s not much we can do.” 

“What did you two do?” 

“I… we… may have assisted with a rally in Mantle that turned into a riot.” 

Weiss sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. It was moments like these that she had to start questioning why she loved the two and kept pursuing them, but deep down, she knew she loved them because of who they were as people. That they always wanted to help those that couldnt always help themselves and were always trying to protect others. No matter how much trouble they managed to get into. “Why am I not surprised?” 

“Because you know we cant keep letting the faunus in Mantle suffer like they do,” Blake said as she walked in behind Ruby carrying the last bit of luggage they had for their trip. “And despite what the General thinks, we didnt start the riot and actually tried to stop it.” 

“I know, but still, at the rate you two are getting involved, it wouldnt surprise me if you end up arrested.” Weiss stopped at the guest room and opened the door for the pair. “You both can stay here for as long as you need. Klein usually gets breakfast ready at seven, so if you do end up waking up later than eight, you’re on your own. Do not burn down the kitchen again.” 

Ruby rubbed the back of her head nervously. “It was an accident last time. Besides, Blake has been keeping me from using the kitchen lately.” 

Blake shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Dont worry, I’ll keep Ruby from burning anything down again.” 

“That’s appreciated.” Weiss smiled at the two and started to walk away. “Dont hesitate to ask for anything if you need it. I’ll make sure Klein brings something for you two to eat.” 

“Thank you.” 

Weiss walked off to the kitchen, her smile dropped and a sigh left her lips. No matter how close she was to them, she never could tell either of them how much she loved them. Every time the words would get stuck in her throat and she’d freeze up like a deer in the headlights. 

“Miss Schnee, are your guests settled in?” Klein asked. 

Weiss nodded. “Yes, they are.” She paused for a moment, a thought came to her. “Klein, would you mind bringing them some food? Dont worry about drinks, I’ll make sure to bring them something special from our cellar.” 

“Of course, Miss Schnee.” 

Weiss smiled and quickly made her way to the wine cellar and pulled out a small vial from her skirt pocket. The person she bought it from claimed it’d allow for her to find her true love, and while she didnt fully believe it, she still was intrigued by the idea of seeing if it actually could work. She quickly uncorked one of the wines and poured the contents of the vial into the bottle and closed it back up using a glyph to seal it. She smiled as she made her way back to Ruby and Blake hoping they’d finally see just how much she loved them.

Watched Saw 1-3 & thought of smth.. I genuinely believe that Amanda was better of dying in her trap. I don't think that she ever deserved to be there but what John did to her was far worse a fate than death. I genuinely believe that Amanda thinks this too and it's one of the reasons why she rigged her traps in 3 to always kill. I think she believes she shouldve died and that surviving from a saw trap doesn't fix you and is just worse than dying. Maybe thats like what the lore is am I'm just realizing that now but eh.. Just some food for thought ig

HSJDJFNG ok most times when ppl say my fave character should die i would disagree but no like youre right unfortunately. if the only 2 options were for amanda to be groomed by john or die, i think at least towards the end of saw 3 even amanda wishes she had just died back then...

i do think one thing thats very interesting is amandas extreme will to survive yk? she did what barely anyone could; i havent looked at the exact numbers but very few people actually do survive jigsaws games. the fact shes always been so desperate to cling to life is definitely something i think john admired + something he wanted to use for his advantage. also like... thinking about this, her will to live, it makes you think abt her decision to shoot lynn at the end of saw 3. i can think abt it from a few angles but my main ones are "she did believe john + knew they would all die, but couldnt bring herself to risk john knowing what happened. she was acting on a suicidal urge and had essentially given up" vs "she didnt believe john, and the reason she shoots lynn is because shes too terrified of john learning the truth. she'd rather betray him again than possibly face the full wrath of john". honestly i pingpong between these, going back n forth. it really is something im curious about and think about a lot! i do genuinely think she was terrified of john though, and believed if he found out amanda was complicit in gideons death, whatever he did to her would be so much worse than dying.

(side note , im PRETTY sure john knew of amandas involvement in gideons death? at first when i wrote this i was 100 percent sure and now i actually talked myself out of it a bit x_x i was thinking she was picked to play because john knew of her involvement but actually.. i feel like john would have mentioned it in the tape? but idk.. and maybe the trap ripping her mouth open could have had something to do with like.. irony about her asking her ex bf to get the drugs? IDK. these are thoughts fresh off the dome)

ALSO WHAT YOU SAY ABT HER RIGGING..!! is one of my top theories!! i genuinely do think she believed she had been reborn at first, and feverishly devoted herself to john, but i think it only became clearer and clearer to her how fucked up and unfair jigsaws games are. she clearly believed adams involvement was unfair, she was ridden with guilt over it and i think killing him to save him was a main catalyst in her losing herself + her will to live. then you have the gas house, she saw nothing but violence and suffering in there and clearly got a first person POV that no one was getting better, people were only suffering or hurting others. like she saw how close xavier got to winning!? if daniel hadnt killed him he might have actually won! at least in her eyes he didnt grow from this. he was cruel and violent and chose to hurt others when it was never needed. man didnt even do his own trap. 😭 + eric matthews whole shit?? he didnt change. or grow. he was violent and cruel as well. and of course her own personal hatred + fear messed with her in regards to him, hes the reason shes even here yk..?? as fair as amanda knows, jigsaw ONLY targetted her because she was am addict. and she can solely blame eric matthews for that happening. the was she collapses in pain after the fight. i just think amanda was really letting it sink in, just how badly her life was turning out 😓

but yeah basically i think her making her traps unwinnable because she didnt believe anyone actually changes from them (+knowing it can make you worse) is a super compelling theory and i honestly agree. i could honestly see it as an act of mercy on her part. ntm all her traps (iirc) killed their victims instantly, whereas john would leave people to just die of thirst in dark rooms 😐. honestly all amandas traps were pretty kind in that regard 😭

.....also also i DO think amamda had the potential to be rehabilitated even during saw 3 when she was at her most detatched and unhealthy, i know she could have been saved if there was any effort put into it on someones part, but i seriously do not believe that the police department + courts would show her any mercy for being a jigsaw accomplice. like. at all @_@. and i think serving more jail time instead of getting actual mental health aid, would only serve to make her that much more hateful and withdrawn and violent :( its extremely sad imo. amandas story is so compelling to me because at pretty much every turn, if she had just been shown more kindness, is someone had just stepped in sooner, maybe things wouldnt have ended up the way they did :( but no one really cared about her, save for the small kindness that adam showed her in the hallway.. and that was too late 😥

im rewatching doomsday (comps of all povs of course) and. yeah i just.. feel bad for the lmanburgians. i dont know how i could just. say these people deserved it, when they all sound, panicked and desperate and so so fucking sad. long long ramble under the cut as i recount the events and pick out a bunch of little things

even the day before then is painful. ranboos panic room. ranboo and tubbos talk (tubbo admitting that hes wrong, saying he believes that history is repeating itself and trusting ranboo because he believes in his loyalty), fundy showing the ring toss. tubbos surprise at being told to kill dream before stating that quackity would be in control if he didnt (god, did he plan to fail?). tommy being so so excited. everyone playing ring toss and cheering on jack. tommy still believing in tubbo. tubbo panicking. ranboo and tommy and techno talking, ranboo giving them info. dream placing walls and quackity instructing tubbo on where to kill dream. dream lying about the community house. the entire community house debacle. just, everything.

and then doomsday itself. having to frantically get there because it started early, tubbo only having diamond armor to protect him, fundy standing still after he sabotaged them. tubbo and ranboos genuine despair about the apiary.

tubbo eventually going nonverbal and actively putting himself in danger, not even moving away from techno at first and getting in the way of the firework launcher. tubbo trying to save tommy from the fireworks, ponks broken "dont come over here!" after she was trying to save his cat, tommys face falling and desperate attempts at convincing techno, ranboo going "its all gone", niki spiralling and silently burning down the tree, quackitys pure anger. all the death messages.

jack going "what is there left to protect", tommy brokenly trying to accept that its gone as tubbo and quackity blankly do accept it. jack going "i lost everything again". tommy desperately trying to understand dream, on the verge of tears as he asks why dream didnt just hurt him. his low health and food as hes unable to do anything anymore, his quiet gasp as he spots ghostbur, tubbos tiny shake of his head when dream says dream and tommys story wont be over.

tubbo and quackity breaking the repeaters. ghostburs "i didnt even know we were fighting". ghostbur finding out phil let friend die, hes pained "phil? but i- i gave, i gave phil to look after. and dream found me friend, and technoblade said we were friends", tommys pained talk about technoblade. "we were never his friend. to him, all of this was just an act of politics, an act of clout and a-a social ladder, and you won't remember. tubbo you will, and to you big q, this was a friendship. but to technoblade, this was a ladder. and techno climbed to the tippity talk. do you wanna know the only way you can go? on the ladder? -- and once you reach the top of the ladder tubbo, you can only go down."

quackity asking to sing the anthem again, him strumming as ghostbur sings (and tubbo and tommy joining in). ghostbur forgetting the second verse because it blew up. quackity remembering it, them stumbling through it. tommys "tubbo? im so so sorry", tubbos quiet "its okay." the four all singing together. tubbo looking at the lava with an ender pearl in his hand, tommy correcting quackity and going "our l'manburg". ghostburs speech about friend, about people not taking him seriously just because he has memory loss.

meanwhile.. phil and techno were laughing. cracking jokes. phil mocks them as he spawns withers on the apiary, going "ohhh noo not the bees!". techno shouts at tommy and shoots at him and tubbo. he kills jack and doesnt even notice that it was one of his lives lost. jacks death itself proves that it doesnt take any particular intent, doesnt have to mean anything to the killer. techno and phil were willing to kill people. it would be foolish of them to act as if there were no risks in the terms of canon lives, especially with phil. phil doesnt take ghostbur seriously, treats his despair as an opportunity to drill in a lesson. the most either of them lost was some of the dogs and used up potions, fireworks, and wither skulls

and then theres dream. dream whose been harming the l'manburgians since the beginning, who had taken tubbo hostage, offered eret a chance to betray them all, who had been the man in tommys walls and offering money to tubbo and jack to try and get them to destroy things, who tried to get tommy to kill tubbos villagers. dream, who took tommys discs over and over, who killed tommy twice in one day, who stopped caring about his friends that loved him and were so so loyal. dream, who helped schlatt and pushed wilbur deeper into his spiral, who even then tried to manipulate tommy.

dream, who helped destroy l'manburg the first and second time, who took advantage of tubbo so he could have a premeditated kidnapping of tommy. dream, who abused tommy, physically, psychologically, emotionally. dream, who degraded tubbo and had taken ranboos memory book (which btw, since ranboos memory loss counts as a mental disability with the memory book as his aid, thats dream taking the thing that aids ranboo in dealing with his disability).

dream, who had been the reason l'manburg was created. dream, who got to destroy l'manburg three times. dream won. and techno and phil dont regret it, dont care.

maybe l'manburg was never meant to be. and sure, it started with stealing and an attempt to monopolize on potions but. that wasnt even l'manburg then, was it? it was just wilbur and tommy having fun. l'manburg came after. after the police hurt them. l'manburg started as a silly little revolution, led by a naïve man who thought he could win wars by saying no. it was a place for a family, a place for them to escape from dream. it was a place to try and escape the harm of those outside the walls. it was meant to be safe, even if those against them made it hard to be. it was made from love. it was meant to be happy. it was a symphony, however unfinished.

so. i don't know. i just feel, bad. they never really won, did they? tragedy after tragedy, death after death, destruction after destruction, betrayal after betrayal, hurt after hurt. and now what's left of them, really? out of the founders, erets doing the best and even shes doing awful, forever trying to make up for what he did. tubbos paranoia led him to developing nukes in a desperate attempt to stay safe, because he was taught to stay quiet and keep his emotions to himself, because his death was "justified", because nukes and walls and weapons are the only way he can feel safe anymore.

tommy went through months of abuse, lost all of his lives and suffered upon coming back, suicidal but unable to bring himself to do it because limbo is worse, feeling lost and like he has no family anymore other than wilbur, who he knows is hurting him but cant bring himself to leave, who loved lmanburg so so dearly and only wanted a home, still doesnt have one (tommy from everywhere, tommy from nowhere at all). niki who loved lmanburg and wilbur so much that it hollowed her out and made her bitter and shes so used to being spoken over that all she can think to do is raise her voice and get pissed, who cant see wilbur as a good person anymore because shes hurt and hasnt truly recovered and she doesnt know how to cope without being angry.

jack manifold feels forgotten, hes lost all his lives and crawled out of hell and no one truly noticed, he doesnt even believe that niki really cares, hes desperate and has made his purpose to be spiteful and angry because he cant deal with the emptiness that comes when he realizes theres no point. fundys desperate to have friends, family, a partner, anyone thatll love him, anyone thatll keep him safe, slowly killing himself with cigarettes and disowned because of giving too little too late, because he was too little too late.

and wilburs lost himself. spiraling, paranoid. a young, naïve man who wanted to fight swords with words, who wanted to impress his father, who wanted a nation of his own to feel safe, who was so effected by erets betrayal that he cant trust anyone but himself, whose possessive nature eats him from the inside out, desperate for control and unable to let go of the only person he knows loves him unconditionally

all because outside forces kept pushing, kept destroying, kept ruining them and hurting them and traumatizing them and taking away their homes and pets and loved ones. and i just. cant feel happy for the ones that hurt them, i cant feel victorius, triumphant, any of that. i just feel bad that the l'manburgians never got to be a family. i know they arent the best people but shit, i love them anyways, love them because theyre flawed and because theyre *people*, people who tried so so hard and got pushed so so much and. fuck, i cant be happy that the people who loved nature and play fought and laughed by campfires and read poetry and re-enacted theatre and loved each other and wanted to *live* (even if they were willing to die, if it meant giving everyone else a chance).. lost. they lost.

canonical years of work down the drain in one day. records of history gone, now only remembered in full by a traumatized teenager who was taught not to talk about his negative emotions, and even he misremembers some parts. they didnt even lose fairly. they had no chance. they couldnt have prepared for withers, for tnt rain, for the hounds. they were poor, weaker than their opponents, sabotaged by one of their own. thats.. tragic.

doomsday was a tragedy. i cant agree that it was deserved. i cant agree that they had it coming, that they deserved to lose homes and pets and limbs and lives and land because they werent the greatest people around.

a small country of less than 10 people (at both creation and destruction) now a giant crater in the ground, remnants of a parisitic egg taking over the land. and it wasnt even lost fairly. three people were stronger than an entire nation, even with all of its allies. two anarchists working with an abusive tyrant. so, no. doomsday wasnt deserved. people dont deserve tragedy. there were better ways, i truly cant be happy that the way chosen was violence. i cant.

l'manburg's citizens deserved better. they really did. the ends dont justify the means. and god, am i fucking tired of "justice". if justice means choosing violence over love and respect and caring about those less strong than you, i dont wanna hear about it. fuck that man, id rather love and be loved than constantly give a shit about making up for hurting others by getting hurt, thats stupid and cruel and i cant see it as okay on a moral level. not when the people that got hurt deserved to be loved and cared about and protected and *talked to* instead of constantly shot down.

of course for the narrative i can enjoy violence and characters getting hurt and i do like how "real" it all is, the despair and dissonance in tone and how terrifyingly messy it all is. out of story perspective- honestly rather cool even if it makes me feel bad. in story perspective- holy fucking shit no that wasnt deserved and god i hope everyone hurt will be able to heal and learn to love and be loved again because thats such a terrifying thing to go through. from a detached pov i can appreciate the insight into everyone involved and i like the plotlines that came from it, but from a compassionate pov i just wish the l'manburgians were allowed to be happy and treated as equals so they didnt have to go through all of this