Tw for vague csa/abuse mention

Sometimes, yeah, I "get off to" the fics I write. And I definately like hearing that other people enjoy them, because I think everyone deserves things they enjoy and it truly makes me happy to provide a little of that for others.

But the reason I write what I write is so my brain has a place to spin out scenarios to try to make it okay. And by that I don't mean the things that happened to me. By that I mean the fact that I exist as someone who those things happened to. The fact that I live every day with the rammifications of one man's evil decision, wrapping themselves up and weaving themselves into every aspect of my life. And when I write I come at it from all angles- including sexual because I was a prematurely-sexually-awakened kid and that can make a person's relationship with sex a little confusing to say the least- to try to figure out how to live with it.

Fic writers don't write to normalize abuse. We write to normalize suvival. And survival isn't always pure and pretty and fluffy. I was not healed by a wholesome loving relationship, I was not healed by friendship or forgiveness or by trying to banish all darkness from my life and mind. I am healing myself by looking it in the eye. By getting elbows-deep in the darkness, letting it coat my skin again now that I am grown and safe. By forgiving myself for the tracks it left in my mind and body, accepting that it is part of my story and trusting myself to keep me safe.

That's what I'm trying to normalize. That it's good you survived, and it's okay to be "messed up by it". You are normal, and your existence isn't bad or tainted or dirty or wrong. You are good and innocent. You deserve to be here and you deserve a full, satisfying life with all the things you enjoy in it.

✩ what attracts them to you? ✩

꒰ pile one ꒱ ꒰ pile two ꒱ ꒰ pile three ꒱

PILE ONE !

you are very passionate and physically alluring to this person. they see you as someone who is out of their league and maybe even out of reach, but they still want to approach you. you could have rejected this person or not shown much interest which only made them want you more. this person sees that you always try to do the right thing and that you like to keep your energy balanced as much as possible. you know when to give them attention and you know when to withdraw yourself from them. they are attracted to you because you don't seem to show too much emotion on your face, but you express yourself in different ways through body language, words and eye contact. you're difficult for this person to read, and they enjoy trying to decipher you and your movements. they are attracted to how mature and grounded you seem to be compared to their own energy. this person could be a bit impulsive and move very quickly, but you slow this person down and your energy is calming and chill. they're also attracted to the fact that you get a lot of attention, and that you know how attractive you are. they like that you look like you could get anybody you want, but you take your time with people and you don't like to have just anyone in your energy, no matter how attractive they are to you. what attracts this person is that you ward off many offers and opportunities from others, and that you demand respect and have very clear boundaries and expectations.

PILE TWO !

your creative endeavors is what attracts this person to you. they are attracted to how witty and creative you are, and how it seems like it takes little to no effort for you to create. they're attracted to the way you express yourself and move your body. this person is very physically attracted to your body and the way you assert yourself in the world. they're attracted to the fact that you express yourself with no fear of judgement of others; you're not afraid to make mistakes and you'd rather be in flow rather than worry about seeming perfect. you do things in silence without saying much to others, and this is very attracted to them. they can't help but wonder what it is you're doing, what you're working on and what moves you're going to make next. you're unpredictable to this person and this is very attractive to them because they like to be left wondering and guessing. this person likes that you don't tell them everything, you reveal bits and pieces of yourself over time and you're like a flower that's constantly blooming and opening up in their eyes. they also like the way you work with others and you don't seem to be in competition with other people because you're so sure of yourself and you're not operating from a place of insecurity or envy. you know your worth, your potential and you're extremely sure of yourself and where you're headed.

PILE THREE !

this person is attracted to the fact that you walked away from them. this person could have a big ego and they may not be someone who people often walk away from, even when they should; so it was a shock to them that you seemed to walk away without a second thought about it. this person could be seen as a wish fulfillment to others, and you seemed to treat them like you didn't care if they were in your life or not. again, this was a really big shock to them and caused them to view you in a completely different light. now, this person is seeing you as their wish fulfillment and they're currently working on a plan to get you to see them the same way. this person is attracted to you because they weren't able to break your heart or bruise your ego. this person could have attempted putting you in a place to compete for them or chase after them, and instead of doing this, you simply adverted your attention elsewhere. you're standing on business and making it clear that you're not interested in that type of energy. so, now, this person is completely destructing their behavior towards you and is currently working on approaching you in a different way. this person sees you as a challenge that they are more than happy to accept. you really shook this person up and gave them an ego check and this is what attracts them to you.

One of the issues you run into when you're not allowed to express anger as a child, is that you're no longer able to get angry. When you're in a situation that should evoke rage, you instead feel fear, anxiety, panic, or grief, emotional hurt and helplessness. You end up operating a body that cannot feel or express anger. The only times you do feel angry is when you're directing it at yourself, it comes as a form of self hatred, and desire to cause pain and injury to yourself. Because this is the only way you would have been allowed to be angry, only way it was safe, to direct it at yourself, same as everyone else is doing constantly, teaching you that it's normal and expected.

Growing up like this means that all of the anger from your childhood keeps getting stored into your body instead of externalized, and you still cannot get angry when the situation demands it. Instead, when you're being disrespected and injustice is served in your face, you can either feel helpless and lost, or the frustration you feel irritates you so much you cannot stand it. Your body is not used to feeling anger and doesn't know how to process it. Instead it feels like you're going to explode, restless, endlessly irritated and at a complete loss on how to handle it. Because you never learned how to handle anger, except to take it out on yourself, and you might be driven to just keep doing that, forever.

Taking a stand for yourself and confronting whoever deserved your anger might still feel terrifying and all of the insane things that happened to you as a result of childhood anger might get triggered. You might feel too frightened to confront them because you can imagine all sorts of ways it could come back to hurt you - this person could try to get you fired, for example. They might smear campaign you and get you evicted, they could threaten you with something or blackmail you, they could destroy something of yours, spread rumors, hold a grudge and do thousand times worse to you. Those are thoughts evoked by memories of childhood, where abusive parents threatened and did any or all of these things, including torture, in order to keep you from expressing anger.

However this person is hurting you right now, unprovoked, and getting no resistance. From that, they're learning that they can keep doing it, with zero consequences, because you've already been broken and cannot fight back. That is a dangerous situation to be in too, even if it is impossible to predict whether this person is insane like your parents and will try to get revenge for any bit of resistance for their abuse.

I had situations where I would be pushed over the edge and allowed my anger to come out at someone - and people would sometimes complain about it, but they would usually back off, and I would regain my peace of mind because I created a consequence for disturbing it. Anger, however, doesn't feel good. My body is not used to it so it makes me incredibly tense, stressed, frustrated and upset, and it doesn't go away for several days, even weeks sometimes. Because scratching the surface of it evokes the repressed childhood anger which is almost unbearable with how giant it is.

Human body can learn to process anger, it can feel better, more powerful and more in control because of it. It can protect you without inflicting damage to others. It doesn't make you anything like your abusers, who let their anger out at someone who wasn't their equal, had no way to fight back, and did not deserve any of it. Your anger creates boundaries that keep you safe, it doesn't exist to torture others for existing.

It's easy to fall back into the place where you don't want to be angry, and try to be accommodating and allowing of injustice, just so you don't have to feel frustrated and afraid. I often fall back on it too, just wanting to live and have peace. But life around other people often doesn't allow it, and sometimes anger is necessary to send a message of what boundaries will not be crossed without a consequence. Anger is not a bad feeling, it is an act of self love. It comes out to let you know that you've been treated unfairly and it's there because it's telling you that you matter. That treating you unfairly is something to get mad about.

Your best version - Pac reading

Who is the best version of you? Let's meet that powerful person. Also I think everyone should read image 5 and 6 ♡

1

Hermit rv | Page of wands | Seven of wands

The best version of you is someone who is not afraid to surprise people and break people out of their box with her/his wisdom and her presence. The depth of the ocean and the darkness she has to dive into no longer scare her. She has already faced her own darkness. She is now completely herself and has embraced that precious being inside her.She is one with people and approaches them at a necessary distance, without exceeding her own boundaries and the boundaries of others. She is not afraid to explore, she is not afraid to re-integrate with her childish and unique side, to fall again, to re-experience. She knows wisdom. She was completely washed in its waters and slid on its waves. She is not afraid to fight against life (to become one with its nature) and to absorb its warrior spirit. She is strong and healthy. She doesn't care how she looks on the outside and has already overcome a lot. She is a superior soul.

2

7 Of cups | King of swords rv | Ace of swords

She/ he is royal. He knows exactly what he wants and what he will get. Complex roads and detours don't mean anything to him. Someone who can create his own path and break down walls. He has completely transcended the mind and its difficulties. He is someone who does not give in to mental challenges. A disease cannot destroy him. He knows what he wants. He's a problem solver. He can communicate with spirits because he knows that he is a spiritual being. He is smart and knows how to use information. Life's complex puzzles are an easy game for him. He is noble and maintains his integrity. It does not reduce its value to anyone. He has different abilities and can create something that never existed. This could be anything. He can see a color that doesn't exist at all. He can cook a dish he has never tasted before. He is a warrior of the mind. Distracting fogs do not scare him

3

Wheel of fortune | Strenght | Hermit

She/he is a earth angel. He brings his power and might wherever he goes. He's not fragile. He's not afraid to cry. He brings luck to people and wherever he goes. He turns the wheels himself. He has love for helping people and adding a new color to their lives. He knows the wilderness well. He knows hurt people's egos. He knows this world we come from and its sharp rocks well. He follows God and the path opened by him. He brings his healing touch to the souls injured along the way. He then returns to himself and continues on his own selfless path. The best version of you is such an incredible person. He doesn't like to be in the spotlight and knows how superficial it is (and it's okay to be in the spotlight) that what matters most comes from within and happens sincerely. He knows that the most real thing is sincerity. He knows well the depth and power of that heart and love.

4

6 of cups rv | 5 of cups rv | Ace of cups

He is someone freed from the shackles of the past. He knows that a new future is created by erasing the past. He is not afraid to go into his past and heal all his wounds by confronting them. He's strong and he's getting stronger. He is not stuck in that darkness and knows that what is best for him is not through revenge. He follows the path of love and puts his ego aside. He is a loving part of god/universe. She is strong and knows that god/universe knows what is best for her and will show her the way. He is taking his lessons and learning. When something happens to him again and again, he knows there is a lesson to learn from it. He is intelligent and learns from his mistakes and the mistakes of others without judging or condemning them. He gives love to those around him and is aware of the power of kindness, but he does not refrain from protecting and defending himself. He knows. Love is the greatest protection.

5

Six of cups | 6 of wands | Queen of pentacles

The best version of you is your current version. The person who overcame all those difficulties in the past, the person who cried and laughed, the person who loved and hated, the person who created and destroyed, all the cells that make up you, all the air you breathe and everything that makes you who you are. Love him because he is the best you and that person will never be in this world like this again. You are the best version of yourself.

6

Ace of cups

The best version of you is the person who gets up from bed every morning and combs her hair. The person who doesn't give up and is not afraid to look in the mirror. He has accepted even the smallest flaws and does not pay attention to anyone because he knows that everyone keeps and covers their own secrets. He is a person who works for his dreams and is not afraid to dream.The best version of you is the person who is human. Of course he is aware of his soul, but he is also aware of his flaws. A person who loves and respects animals and other living creatures. Person who opposes depression. A person who is afraid. Crying person. Jealous person. The person who hates. The person who laughs and feels.

enha as your ex/when you break up

warnings: enhypen is kind of manipulative (?)

#jay ─ ¨*• ☪︎

he tries his best to avoid you, because he doesn’t want to see you. not cause he hates you, or feels resentment, he’s scared to see you happy without him. he looks up your socials late at night to see what you’re up to though. he’s curious, but he’s afraid to see something he doesn’t want to, like you following more boys than he is or you soft launching another guy.

#sunghoon ─ ¨*• ✦

he avoids you in person, especially because you’re in the same friend group. but he stares when you’re not looking. he notices how prettier you’ve gotten, how more confident you seem and he realizes maybe it was him holding you back from you being at your prime. as much as he secretly misses you, he has no plans in getting back together with you.

#heeseung ─ ¨*• ✮

is very much a lover boy, so he doesn’t see you with anyone but him. can’t accept the fact that you’re actually over, so he often shows up to your house or randomly gives you your favorite snacks or sends a text. “i thought you were broken up?” asked your friend, watching hee walk away after handing you a water bottle and your favorite snacks.

“we are.”

#jungwon ─ ¨*• ꕤ

isn’t your ex.. but he is. you don’t have the title of being his “girlfriend” anymore but he still comes over, you still go to his games, and he still kisses you goodbye. you don’t complain, because you still love him, but you wonder if he is just keeping you around because he’s bored when he was single.

#jake ─ ¨*• ♡̶

the only one that healthily creates boundaries and allows you time away from each other before even deciding to be just friends. it works for a while, the dynamic, until he sees you getting closer to gunwook and he no longer wants anything to do with you. he cant handle seeing you do things with gunwook that you did before with jake.

#sunoo ─ ¨*• ✿

acts like he doesn’t care, but you’re all he thinks about. you didn’t end on the best terms but he still loves you so much. he talks to girls the second you break up because he just needs to get over you. it doesn’t work though, because he finds himself looking through all your pictures you have together in front of his new date.

#ni-ki ─ ¨*• ✧

he also tries to seem like he doesn’t care but anyone 3 feet away can tell how affected he is by it. he’s not himself and surprisingly calls you at 1 in the morning begging you to give him another chance. as much as you don’t believe its a good idea, you fold instantly and he spends the night in your bed.

[a/n 🎀:] thank you for reading! feedback is always appreciated :)

“are we…” ; kazuha, ayato, alhaitham, & tartaglia

details — here on another agenda of listening to songs, reading the lyrics, realizes how it would sound so good on a fic, and boom! slapping it on a character i think would suit it; basically, songs and tropes as some genshin men

characters — alhaitham, ayato, kazuha, tartaglia (w/gender-neutral reader)

tags — a sprinkle of angst, some of them are out of character, nothing happy is going on (my life relates to it) ; headcanons/scenario

words — 1558

note — getting back to writing so sorry if this fic seems shitty, i’m trying to get my style back by reading the fics i wrote. also i’ll be mostly writing in lowercase now bcs i’m typing on my phone

waiting ; unrequited love — kazuha (bags by clairo)

“can you see me? i’m waiting for the right time.”

kazuha settles on a boundary between you two, standing close behind it, afraid to take a step and cross. and though he was a man who had no fears and wouldn’t let anything hold him back from attaining what he wants, he was scared of going past the boundary as if he would be treading the path of misery once he chooses to do so.

there is always the urge to touch you, the desire to feel your skin underneath his fingertips and unbeknownst to him, his hand would act on its own—he would reach out, his fingers stopping close to your skin before immediately taking his hand back once the realization of his actions had sunk inside his head: “what is it?” you have asked him upon noticing his actions and he could only shake his head before saying, “there’s something on your hair.”

he has this strong sense of denial whenever he does something for you or says something to you, reasoning the flowers that he gives from time to time as an act of friendship and appreciation or the poetry that he creates with you in mindbut he keeps hidden was just because you were too beautiful to not have your being expressed in words and written in poems—

—and every single day, in each morning that he wakes up, he strongly believes that his feelings for you had already dissipated into thin air as if it never existed in the place but only to see your stupid smile and mesmerizing eyes and having himself fall in love again. oh, the amount of times he convinces and tells himself that he’ll avoid you from then on only to have himself basking in your presence later on: “this is the last time,” he tells himself.

there are only two states he would end up in if he decides to go further the line, without you and with you, and he wasn’t stupid to not know that he’ll only have the former happen to him.

he would rather have you close to him and yearn for you despite being so near than the heartbreak and admiring you afar.

“it’s not like you’re in love with me or anything, right?”

toxic ; unhealthy relationships — alhaitham (cry by cigarettes after sex)

“saying you’d wait for me to stay, i know it hurts you.”

you don’t have a toxic relationship with alhaitham nor did you have a healthy one but instead it was miserable, simply one-sided. however, it wasn’t like that at first, he wasn’t like this at first when you two would decide to start over again and create a fresh new page of your love story only for it to end in the same way.

he was good, was great, was wonderful—was. you don’t even know how it got to this point. how did the gentle and sweet murmurs of love and compliments turn to endless shouting and fights at every chance you two get? alhaitham, despite already having raised his voice at you on several occasions, had never raised his hand at you but nevertheless, it doesn’t make anything less hurtful.

“let’s just stop this, i’m tired,” it was clear, it was obvious that the only solution for this wretchedness was to simply just stop and end everything, to cut yourself off him but it doesn’t seem to happen. alhaitham, who possesses such great knowledge and intelligence to know the answer to nearly every problem, never seems to understand that. moments of begging, of asking for forgiveness, for a chance that you always give him, that you always provide him outright, seemingly served and topped with the syrup of your tears and blood.

he only loves you when he’s about to lose you, you know that. you weren’t blind but perhaps you were dumb with that but he loves you then, right? if he really does love you at those moments, then perhaps he did love you right from the start and he just never realized it—it was an endless cycle of gaslighting and making a fool of yourself, finding the reason and making logic out of his actions and words.

it was hard to lose him, you were too used to his presence always guiding you, helping you, and encouraging you that the moment you lost him, you just never seemed to know anything—like a child that was just taken out of the womb, you knew nothing, even yourself. it was a clear fact that you were nothing without him and without you, he was nothing.

“what happened to us, alhaitham?”

convenience ; arranged marriage w/ one-sided feelings — ayato (you’re losing me by taylor swift)

“i wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological people pleaser.”

it was a marriage of convenience—oh, how you hated the word itself. it feels like a painful slap on your face whenever you hear it being used along with the word marriage, one that would leave a burning mark on your skin.

ayato tried to be a good husband, he tried, really. even when he would come home late, he would always have something to give you. despite not having that many conversations and seldomly seeing each other outside the dining room and bedroom, he would still treat you rather kindly and gently, even when you spend most of your nights alone in a bed that was too large for one, you never felt lonely (perhaps you do, you just don’t want to face it because then you’ll realize that your good husband wasn’t good at all); “i apologize, my dear. here, i bought you something on the way back.”

perhaps all of those acts of kindness and sweetness are his way of saying sorry but what’s there to say sorry for even? was it because he failed to arrive for dinner every time or was it just the whole marriage experience overall?

everything was built on convenience, the only time you two would talk to each other is when it’s needed and the conversation you two will have would end rather shortly and the only time he would touch you in a way that makes you feel loved and cherish—making love—is when it’s convenient for him; you were just never a priority, not anything of importance in his life.

what hurts even more is that ayato isn’t even doing any of this because of a boundary that you two had made but rather there was really nothing in between you two, nothing, not even a speck of dust could be found in the distance you two had.

ayato wasn’t even in a state of turmoil, he wasn’t in a position wherein he had to choose something, to sacrifice, to risk something, it’s just that you were there—you were convenient and not because he chose to choose you over anything else. you were easy to woo, easy to hold, easy to fool.

did he really lose you when he never even wanted you to be his in the first place?

“isn’t this convenient for the both of us?”

pleasure ; one-night stand turned to friends w/ benefits— childe/tartaglia (k. by cigarettes after sex)

“we had made love earlier that day with no strings attached, but i could tell that something had changed how you looked at me then.”

it was simply a relationship that was born out of pleasure; created with the foundation of desire, lust, and need. formed in a single night to escape the reality of the misery of your own lives and consistently being nurtured like a seed that was dropped into the soil and naturally taken care of by the rain and sun—it all seemed natural, him inviting you out for dinner, enjoying your time with his stupid jokes and flirty remarks that is luring you to another night of passion just to wake up with a note and a cold bed the next morning.

and there are times you wish to disappear from his life, to stop whatever you two have, and simply just release yourself from his grasp and though he also wishes for the same, childe always holds onto you so tightly as if he never wants you to leave, as if he always want you to stay even if he knows that he’s hurting you, even if you’re just hurting each other; somewhere deep inside his bones, in the crevices of his mind, he doesn’t wish to see you with someone else other than him despite the fact that he wants you to be happy; “stay with me,” he had told you as he kissed and held you.

but childe was a romantic, he always shower you praised in and out of the bed, he was sweet to you; a gentleman with his words and actions. he was lovely, so breathtaking, so poisonous and it wasn’t hard to love him. and he was well-aware of how your gaze seems to linger at him, how there’s something swirling and drowning in the depths of your eyes, and he was well-aware of what it was. and yet, he chooses to ignore it—was it for the good of himself? for you? either way, he can’t have himself falling.

had you known that night with him would end up in this way, you wouldn’t have taken his rough yet gentle hand on that night.

“what’s there for me to stay for?”

© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.

Sun in Signs

The Sun sign in astrology represents a person's core identity, ego, and the essence of their character.

Sun in Aries

Sun in Aries individuals have a fiery and dynamic personality that comes with its fair share of strengths and challenges. On the positive side, these people are natural-born leaders, brimming with energy, enthusiasm, and a go-getter attitude. They're not afraid to take risks, and their determination is off the charts. They're adventurous and thrive in competitive situations, often pushing the boundaries to achieve their goals. Their straightforwardness can be refreshing, and they're known for their honesty and authenticity. However, his same boldness can sometimes tip into impatience and impulsivity. They might rush into decisions without considering all the consequences and can have a bit of a short fuse when things don't go their way. Also, they may struggle with listening to others' viewpoints, as their assertiveness can sometimes overshadow empathy.

Song : King's Affirmations by Iniko

Sun in Taurus

People born with the Sun in Taurus are like the dependable rocks of the zodiac. On the positive side, they're known for their unwavering determination and reliability. When they set their sights on a goal, you can bet they'll see it through, no matter how long it takes. They're patient as all get-out, which can be a blessing when others are losing their cool. Taurus folks are also practical and down-to-earth, making them great at handling their finances and building a stable, comfortable life. Taurus has a stubborn streak wider than a bull's back. When they dig in their heels, it's tough to sway them, even if they're heading in the wrong direction. Their love for comfort can make them a bit lazy and resistant to change, causing them to miss out on new opportunities. Plus, their attachment to material possessions can sometimes veer into materialism, making them a bit possessive.

Song : Circus by Britney Spears

Sun in Gemini

Sun in Gemini individuals are like a two-sided coin, always flipping between their challenging and positive traits. On the sunny side, these folks are the life of the party, chatty and sociable, making friends faster than you can say "Gemini." Their curiosity knows no bounds, and they're quick thinkers, always ready with a witty remark or a clever solution to a problem. But, flip that coin, and you'll find their challenging side. Gemini Suns can be scatterbrained, easily bored, and prone to gossip. They might struggle with commitment, flitting from one interest to another like a butterfly. In relationships, their duality can be a blessing or a curse, depending on the day. So, with a Gemini Sun, it's a mixed bag of tricks, but there's never a dull moment when they're around. I have also seen that the sun in Gemini people have a lot of hobbies and things they like to do in their free time.

Song : Clumsy by Fergie

Sun in Cancer

Having the Sun in Cancer means these people are incredibly nurturing and empathetic. Their strong love for family is what makes them amazing. Their intuition and emotional depth make them great listeners and friends, and they often have a deep sense of loyalty and dedication. They're also creative and have a vivid imagination, which can lead to wonderful artistic endeavors and a knack for creating a cozy, inviting atmosphere in their homes. In a nutshell, Sun in Cancer folks bring a whole lot of heart and warmth to the table, even if they have their share of challenges. These individuals can sometimes be a tad too sensitive, wearing their hearts on their sleeves. They're prone to mood swings and may retreat into their shell when faced with criticism or conflict, making communication tricky at times. And their strong attachment to family can sometimes lead to them being overly protective, making it challenging for loved ones to have their own space.

Song : Luna by Iniko

Sun in Leo

Individuals with the Sun in Leo possess a natural magnetic charm and a zest for life that's hard to miss. On the positive side, they exude confidence, which often translates into leadership roles where they excel. Their radiant charisma draws people in, making them wonderful friends and partners. Creativity flows through their veins, making them shine in the performing arts or any field where self-expression is key. However, the challenges lie in their constant need for attention and admiration. This can sometimes be perceived as self-centeredness or arrogance. Their strong-willed nature can border on bossiness, as they prefer to be in control. Striking a balance between their desire for the spotlight and consideration for others' feelings can be their life's ongoing challenge. These people can shine anywhere and anytime.

Song: Me too by Meghan Trainor

Sun in Virgo

People with the Sun in Virgo are like the detail-oriented perfectionists of the zodiac. On the bright side, they're incredibly organized and practical, the type who'll always have a plan. They're reliable, the ones you can count on to get things done right. Their sharp minds make them excellent problem solvers and analytical thinkers. They are really calm and like to observe their surroundings. They pay attention to the nitty-gritty, making them superb at any task that requires precision. However, their quest for perfection can sometimes tip over into nitpicking. They might be a bit too critical, not just of themselves but of others too. They're the kings and queens of worrying, always thinking about what could go wrong. Striking a balance between their high standards and a more relaxed approach to life is their lifelong challenge.

Song : Girls like me don't cry by Thuy

Sun in Libra

These people are all about balance and harmony. On the positive side, they're the peacemakers of the zodiac, always striving to keep things fair and pleasant. They've got an innate sense of justice and are fantastic at seeing both sides of any situation. Plus, they're charming as heck and can charm the socks off just about anyone. They know how to rock every outfit and hairstyle. They love art, beauty, and all things aesthetically pleasing, often having a great sense of style. However, the flip side is their indecisiveness. They can be so focused on avoiding conflict that they sometimes struggle to make decisions, even the small ones. They might also bend over backward to please others, sometimes forgetting their own needs. They might struggle with expectations. They act how they're expected to rather than being their own self. Sometimes they might come off as "Fake" according to some people.

Song: Scars to your beautiful by Alessia Cara

Sun in Scorpio

Sun in Scorpio people are a real enigma, let me tell you. On the plus side, they've got this intense, magnetic vibe that draws people to them like moths to a flame. They're passionate and fiercely loyal, making them amazing friends and partners. When they set their sights on something, they go all in, and their determination can move mountains. They're like a detective in their own lives, digging deep to uncover hidden truths, which can be a superpower in relationships or any mystery-solving situation. Their intensity can sometimes come off as intimidating or even a bit obsessive. They don't do anything halfway, which can lead to power struggles or jealousy in relationships. They also have severe trust issues. It's all about finding that balance between diving deep and not getting lost in the shadows. They also have a tendency to hide things. And they'll rarely ever invite you to their place.

Song : Heathens by Twenty one Pilots

Sun in Sagittarius

People with the Sun in Sagittarius are like adventurers of the zodiac. They're all about exploration and expansion. On the positive side, they're enthusiastic, optimistic, and love a good adventure. They have a thirst for knowledge and are always eager to learn something new. Their sense of humor is infectious, and they're great at lifting spirits. They can sometimes become restless or overly blunt in their honesty. They can sometimes seem tactless because they value truth over sugarcoating. Commitment can also be a bit tricky for them, as they often crave freedom and don't like feeling tied down. So, they're a bundle of fun and adventure, but sometimes they need a little grounding. They have a hard time taking orders from people. They are the type of people who'll Quit their 9 to 5 job and start their own business on a random day because they got bored of their routine. They'll never do something they don't love as a career.

Song : price tag by Jessie J

Sun in Capricorn

People with the Sun in Capricorn are like the ultimate goal-setters and go-getters. On the bright side, they're responsible, practical, and hardworking individuals. They're the ones who'll climb the career ladder with determination and discipline. They've got this natural sense of ambition that's admirable. They're reliable friends and partners, always there when you need them. But they can sometimes come off as too serious or even a tad bit workaholic. Their drive for success might make them seem a bit distant, and they can struggle with letting loose and having fun. They also find it difficult to talk about their feelings. And they'll always prioritise their career/job/profession over anything else. They have mad respect for their work and do it with full determination.

Song : High Hopes by Panic! At the Disco

Sun in Aquarius

People with the Sun in Aquarius are a unique breed. On the upside, they're the free spirits of the zodiac, always marching to the beat of their own drum. They're innovative thinkers, often ahead of their time, and they love shaking things up with their progressive ideas. They are also humanitarian.These are the friends you want for stimulating conversations and brainstorming sessions. They're super open-minded and accepting of others' quirks. They can sometimes come off as aloof or emotionally detached. They value their independence fiercely, sometimes to the point of seeming distant. They might even be seen as a bit rebellious, challenging the status quo just for the fun of it. However I have also seen people dislike them for no apparent reason. Maybe it's because they are so different and others have a hard time understanding them.

Song : Yosemite by Iniko

Sun in Pisces

People with the Sun in Pisces are like the dreamers of the zodiac. Honestly I think they should be fantasy writers. On the positive side, they're incredibly compassionate and empathetic, always willing to lend a listening ear or a helping hand. They have this innate ability to understand the unspoken emotions of others. Their creativity knows no bounds, often channeled into arts, music, or imaginative pursuits. They're like a sponge, soaking up vibes and feelings from their surroundings. But, there's a challenging side too. Their sensitivity can be a double-edged sword, as they easily get overwhelmed by the harsh realities of the world. Sometimes, they might struggle with setting boundaries and end up feeling drained. They find it difficult to live in the "practical World".

Song : Jericho by Iniko

𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 .˚

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐰𝐞?

Hello beautiful souls and welcome to another intuitive pick a card reading. Today we will be looking at what’s so special about you that makes you drop-dead gorgeous. I hope to be able to bring you some delight feelings and contentment with this reading. It’s quite long so as always please let me know if this resonates with you in some way. I’d be happy to know if you enjoy my works. Likes, reblogs, comments and follows are highly appreciated. Thank you ♡︎

✰ masterlist • paid services • tips & donation

© 2023 Crystaldivination | All rights reserved.

how to choose your pile. take a few deep breaths & look at each piles separately. Which pile sparks an interest in you? Which pile do you feel called out to the most or reminds you of something? Take your time and come back later to it again if you can't seem to choose.

The piles

from left -> right

Disclaimer: this is a general reading which may or may not resonate with you. Take what resonates and leave out anything that doesn't. Feel free to choose another pile if you'd like.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄: 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐀 𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐄.

La feminine mystique

Hello pile 1,

you’re so powerful. Let me tell you what I mean by that. You possess an enormous energy in you which seems to have no limit. This can be an extremely powerful force that can benefit you in the long run if you know how to use it wisely and it seems like you do. Other people often feel "intimidated" by you. They feel compelled to respect you and treat you with dignity. You attract attention without meaning to. For some of you this confidence may stem from what you’ve been through in your past. Your experiences shape and form you to be the person you are now and you know it. That’s why you’re proud of yourself, proud of the strength you’ve gained from your pain and always carry yourself with pride. You don’t let others step on your boundaries and your well-established values. Other people can sense and see this attitude coming from you even if you don’t openly express this directly. You make a statement with your presence. You subconsciously challenge other people as well especially men. You radiate an energy that’s just as bright and powerful as the sun or hot and passionate as Mars or dangerous and brooding like Pluto. You don’t sit around waiting for a prince on a white horse to come to your rescue, you dive into the challenges and face them head one. You stand up and get things done and you do it YOUR WAY. You don’t give in to anyone even if it means to hurt someone’s feelings if you truly believe in something firmly. You’re daring and sassy. You’re words might be harsh sometimes but the truth hurts so for you your bluntness just simply means that "It’s better to get hurt by the truth than to hear sugarcoating false lies". That quality of yours makes you admirable in the eyes of many although for people who is more on the traditional side (referring to the fixed gender roles of masculinity and femininity) they could see you as being too intense, overwhelming or over empowering but that’s okay because you’re not here to please or fit anyone. You know your worth and you’re not afraid to face any criticism because that’s part of life. You’re familiar with that but you couldn’t care less for you’re the one who create your own reality.

To conclude what makes you so special is your renowned sense of self and self-confidence. You believe 100% in yourself. You know what you want and know how to get that bag. You’re just a girl boss and most importantly you’re priceless. You don’t give away too much from yourself yet enough to show who you are. You represent real womanhood and stand for feminism. You’re the mysterious femme fatale who’s giving everyone weak knees. It’s giving successful business woman/entrepreneur vibe. You’re such a win overall.

[Astrology placements] Leo, Scorpio, Aries, Capricorn, Virgo, Pluto-mercury, Pluto-ascendant, Mars-asc/mc, Pluto/Mars/Neptune dom or influence

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤, 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏 ♥︎

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐖𝐎: 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑

A supernova

Hello pile 2,

you’re well-liked for a reason. You’re charming and always outrank others with your tenderness. Your kind demeanor and attitude just make others mesmerized by you. You put others above you and never seem to really want the "prize" of being the best everyone is looking for. You surpass all superficiality of this world. Jealousy, competition or intentionally stepping on others to get to where we want is not a solution for you. You dislike that. You believe in a peaceful and harmonious world. Hostile, judgmental attitudes create a negative, pessimistic picture of the world we live in so you choose to be kind and fair. You see that relying on one’s ego and be full of greediness won’t do anyone any good. People really notice this difference in you hence most might see you as superior to others. You’re so empathetic that people can’t help but want to protect you. You’re very balanced in your way. You care for others but never forget about your own needs. You’re always so put together and professional when dealing with other yet you can relate and connect with them on a personal or emotional level as well. You just have a knack for being sociable. You’re diplomatic and gentle. Others might view you as a soft or even obedient kind of individual but you know when to stand up. For yourself and for others. This makes you admirable and respected by anyone. You very much stand for justice and righteousness. You believe everyone is the same regardless their race, status or anything society would judge a person by. You’re definitely a pacifist. People love you and most importantly they believe you. They believe in you and your power to change the world FOR THE BETTER. A world where everyone can live in peace with each other, where there is no useless competition or harmful intentions. Your picture of a beautiful place where one live harmoniously together and function together as one is a desirable wish for many who believe in togetherness and the collective.

To conclude what makes you so special is your sense of purpose. You call out for a meaning to live and exist in this world. You impress other people with your vision of a world filled with love. Love for oneself and others by being kind. And indeed people who are truly kind have the ultimate leverage. If you give without expectation of getting anything in return, you've won. The obvious benefit of being kind, honest, and loving to others is to affect positively those around us. If you respond with kindness, all the hate will be defused. You only force yourself to be bigger than the negativity. If given the choice, most of us would prefer to be in the presence of a person with a humble spirit and YOU are one. Your energy and vibe reminds me of Marilyn Monroe’s.

[Astrology placements] pisces, cancer, libra, venus-Pluto, sun-venus, moon-Jupiter, venus/sun/Jupiter dom or influence

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤, 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐 ♥︎

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄: 𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐍.

A rebel

Hello pile 3,

let me start by saying that you’re so innovative. You have the craziest ideas but they are all so forward thinking. People see you as a genius most likely. People might even call you "mad" because of your weird ideas but you probably easily prove to them about it. You’re the definition of an intellectual and knowledgeable individual. What makes you superior to other people is that you know you’re different from them and you embrace this so well. You may be proud in nature but never arrogant. Your easy-going attitude is what attract a lot of suitors. Eyes are being laid on you all the time. You’re the cool and fun sis/bro in the hood. What’s unique about you is that you create or like have a different form of expression and you know how to get your messages across using different amount of mediums or modalities. Your different perspectives makes you incredible interesting in the eyes of other people. Furthermore you’re a very good debater. You have your own visions and you’re all about evoking a revolution, changes and progressiveness. You’re most likely known for being a shock factor. Your purpose might be here to literally disrupt the system that we live in now. It's like actually you don't want to do it the same way it's been done before so you create something completely new. You might see that it’s because our evolution is changing and you feel like you're in a role or a position to bring in new strategies for a good cause. You have your own moral spine. You’re strong enough to rely on yourself and do everything on your own. You don’t need help from anyone yet you’re not scared to ask for help when you need it. It’s very admirable to have this kind of balance in you. You’re not trapped, bound or driven by your own ego. If it serves the intention for a new growth and more developed world you’re ready for everything to make it happen. You’re a warrior. You break the norms and find way to improve society like no one else does and that’s for everyone in it not just a certain percent of people. People see you as a source of inspiration. You walk your own path but never alone.

To conclude what makes you so special is your inventive skills and mind. You stand out from the crowd because you own your uniqueness and new ideas. You don’t shy away if you or your different views aren’t being well-received by others. You stay true to yourself while being understanding of them and accepting their differences and opinions. You just continue to do your own thing. It’s really giving Gen Z vibe.

[Astrology placements] Gemini, Aquarius, Sagittarius, Uranus-nn, Saturn-Pluto, Jupiter/Saturn/Uranus dom or influence

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤, 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑 ♥︎

© 2023 crystaldivination ── all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, edit, alter, or redistribute my work. Plagiarism in any form is prohibited.

pick a pile: "Your true colors - (2/7) Orange"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read a message for you from the color orange, the second of the 7 rainbow's colors. in this serie of readings about the rainbow's colors, I will try to channel about your true colors, so to help you look inside and see your most beautiful self, appreciate yourself more and hopefully provide some type of guidance if necessary. as cindy lauper would say: "your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow", so let's look at them and hear what they have to say to you and how they (you) can help you look at things in a more positive way.

orange is the color of meditation, simplicity, compassion, excitement, joy, adventure, sensuality, pleasure (sacral chakra)... in this reading, I'll try to analyze this side of your character.

you can find the other colors' readings in the pacs list in my pinned post

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

You are someone stimulating, happy, funny, but somehow you don't always tell everything that's behind that. You should be more vocal about your needs in any area of your life. You should ask for more. If you fear being labeled as needy, that's not the truth: people call you needy when they cannot handle their own needs too or were taught to not ask cause they dealt with people unable to provide/meet their needs as well. We're humans, we all have needs. Don't be afraid to ask. The worst that can happen is getting a "No" but it's nothing you haven't dealt with, right? You can survive that, you can ask for something else and get it instead. And it's fine. Maybe, it'll be even better than what you are asking for, who knows (maybe asking and getting a no will lead you to a different path, a better one even). But you'll know for sure instead of tormenting yourself over a matter without even asking for it. You can also compromise if necessary. And you can also be the one saying "No" and standing your boundaries. Try to be more in touch with yourself, to be more yourself also when you deal with others. To be more true with yourself and your needs too, to accept your needs first and foremost, cause you may pretend you don't actually need help or support when you actually do. Be in touch with that side of you. So don't be scared of being too much for anyone, you're not. You're not too much. Ask back for what you give, balance the energy in you. At times we tend to overdo things, to hide ourselves, to make things more complicated than they really are. And we help creating regrets and resentment as well this way. Be more simple, just ask or talk instead of letting fear and stress take over. You are allowed to ask and talk. Actually, you should. Do not wait for others to ask you or address you something. Not everyone has your same emotional depth or empathy, or can always read your mind, sometimes people just need to hear your words to answer you accordingly and meet your needs (and it's not out of selfishness or cause they hate you, they're just different and dealing with their own things too). Be more in touch with yourself to help them help you too. Meditate more. It will help you deepen your relationships with yourself and others. I think that's something you want, also in love/physical acts, if applies. You can have what you want, just be more simple in your approach to it. Simplify things, simplify your life instead of complicating it by overthinking and worrying (not easy at times but... try maybe). You have already all the answers inside of you, don't be scared to hear them and pour them out. Be your whole beautiful self.

song: fallin' all in you | shawn mendes

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pile 2

You know your complexity, you know your worth and you know you are probably called to leave a footprint somewhere in this world. I think you're not afraid of trying new things, of escalating mountains and generally reaching higher. You also know when it's time to take a timeout for yourself, when you need to focus on something or not. You know when it's time to change, you're pretty much a meditative person. You're kinda brave too. But you're also very giving. And you're higly supported by your Guides and Angels and ancestors too. I think you know about your worth as a spiritual being, about your worth as a soul that brings light into this world but at times you tend to forget that or you happen to have many spiritual awakenings (and tower moments) that may mine your beliefs and self confidence. Reconnect with your body and listen to it. I know it sounds weird cause we're mentioning about spiritual things (we're gonna talk more specifically about this side in another color's reading I hear) but our bodies hold many more answers than we're aware of. For example your body may show you through tiredness how hard your soul is working to change, how much you're changing inside without being aware. Give your body rest when this happens. If you're having specific physical needs, try to meet them. There's nothing wrong. Touch and caress yourself, explore yourself, meditate inside and outside. Don't grow separated from your body (as it may happen when you concentrate too much on your inside world and maybe healing too). Remember to hug yourself and compliment yourself on your look and your abilities everytime you can. Don't let yourself grow thirsty for compliments and accolades, you deserve them, start giving them to yourself anytime you need, anytime you realize you've done something worth of that (and it could even be just getting out of bed on a tough day: it doesn't have to be anything "big", what we consider little things are big too if we put under the right light -see yourself as you'd see a friend). Also never be too harsh on you, look at all you've done: your worth never depends on a single bad day, be lighter. Get closer to you with love. Be more curious about who you are on all levels, especially be more curious about your body, do not separate from it. Again, know and listen to your body and don't be scared of it and what is telling you. Do not keep it at a distance, it's part of you. It always tells you about how you do on a mental level too: bodies can help you let our emotions and feelings out; in fact, if we store them inside without acknowledging them, our bodies will feel that. And they may even start hurting (eg. think about anxiety and how your stomach may feel bloated during an attack). Try to always acknowledge your feelings and what you go through, so to be more positive and of help to yourself. And to others too, if you need. Try to let go of stress as much as you can. And yes, I mean in that way too. Try to balance yourself more between physical and mental/soul state. You're already a blessing for everyone able to meet you, be it for yourself too.

song: back at one | brian mcknight

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pile 3

[it's gonna be a little nsfw -just the topic itself-, so up to you if you want to read it or not: I'm just leaving this here phrased in the most general way cause this reading is for everyone] You may have fears or insecurities revolving around the physical aspects of love. It could be something you don't want to deal with consciously or unconsciously (maybe cause of a trauma/fear of intimacy/self doubts...), or are afraid of cause you're unexperienced (and you may fear others' judgement). I want to remind you that it's up to you if to get there/open that door, and know that side of yours without being scared of it and understand why you're seeing it as "negative"/"dirty" (maybe because of your upbringing) or just plainly avoid that because you don't feel ready (yet/at all, maybe something happened and you need to stay away from it, that's fine as long as it doesn't hurt you -if it does, seek help please). It's okay. It's only your choice, if the case, also how you wanna experience it, when and why. Do not let anyone tell you what it is about or how you should behave/think about it ever. It's your own personal world until you willingly decide to share it with someone cause you trust them/you feel like or any other reason. Take your time. Do not let anything or anyone rush you into it. Remember that not because your friends (or this person you like) have already experienced something in that area while you haven't, you should feel any less. You're you and you're perfectly fine even if you don't want to deal with that yet/at all (no matter your age: you have time, don't worry you will never get to experience that cause of how others will see you; if someone loves you and craves you they will not care about your experience). You are lovable anyway, however you are and whatever you believe in. And you can love who you want to (this reminder esp. for the lgbtq+ people here feeling caged by others), you can try anything you want to to. Nobody can judge you or your decisions/choices or story. Just take time to know yourself, whenever you'll feel like. You're a very funny, joyful, giving, gentle and also adventurous person and it's beautiful to be with you, to spend time with you not just as lovers. You don't have to change anything unless you really feel that need (but not to please anyone else). And remember to always change at your own pace and for yourself. You can choose which kind of adventures to sail on and when/how. If someone wants to rush you into something and kinda triggers you or wants you to choose fast, it's never for your good but only theirs. Never regret saying no and choosing yourself first. Never fear being judged by someone that can wait for you and give you space and helps you, never fear being judged by yourself either (do not pick up others/society's words, they're not you). And remember others judge you only because they project their fears and false beliefs onto you, they aren't judging the real you (they can't). Let them talk and move to someone better. Move back to yourself. Lastly (not sure for who, but it came up...): never compare to those movies/actresses/actors/models, those are just society's expectations or movies indeed. IRL all is different. You're hot as you are for any lover of yours. Believe in your power, it's all about confidence in yourself (even pretended until you really believe it): that's the only trick you need to know as you're already perfect. Take a breath.

song: sometimes | ariana grande

Hey! You write for Sabo? If u do... can you write Sabo x Marine reader? This man needs more attention

Bound by Justice Sabo x Marine! Reader

My love, I'd write just about anything for this man.

Babes, we are adding another husband to the list!!

Ngl, I think he's a real cutie, and in a perfect world, Sabo and Ace are protecting Luffy like the good big brothers they are.

This is a request from my Follower Fridays: Requests from followers are posted. If you have a story request or anything you want to ask go ahead and do so on this day. Just make sure you send them in early so I can get to it in time. If you send something the day of I might be able to make it happen.

Don't be afraid to send me any requests my loves and if you are waiting for the next installment I have my masterlist posted!

Like usual, never be afraid to hang out in the comments. I love your feedback and snort up all the love you show. <33

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Here are some relationship headcanons for Sabo and the marine reader:

Mutual Respect: Despite being on opposite sides of the conflict, Sabo and the marine reader share a deep respect for each other's beliefs and principles. They admire each other's dedication to justice and are willing to put aside their differences to work together when necessary.

Intellectual Equals: Both Sabo and the marine reader are intelligent and quick-witted individuals. They engage in lively debates and discussions, challenging each other's perspectives and broadening their horizons in the process. Their intellectual connection strengthens their bond and fosters a deep sense of understanding between them.

Shared Values: Despite their different allegiances, Sabo and the marine reader share many core values, such as compassion, integrity, and a strong sense of duty. They both strive to make the world a better place in their own way, and this shared purpose forms the foundation of their relationship.

Unwavering Support: In times of need, Sabo and the marine reader are always there for each other. Whether it's offering a listening ear, providing moral support, or standing by each other's side in the face of danger, they never hesitate to lend a helping hand.

Opposites Attract: Sabo is fiery and passionate, while the marine reader is steadfast and determined. Despite their differences in temperament, they complement each other perfectly, balancing each other out and bringing out the best in one another.

Secret Admirers: Both Sabo and the marine reader harbor secret feelings for each other, unsure if their affection is reciprocated. They often find themselves stealing glances when they think the other isn't looking, their hearts fluttering with each fleeting touch and meaningful exchange.

Forbidden Love: Theirs is a love that defies societal expectations and challenges the boundaries of their respective worlds. Despite the risks and obstacles they face, Sabo and the marine reader are determined to fight for their relationship, refusing to let anything stand in the way of their happiness.

Growth and Development: Through their relationship, both Sabo and the marine reader experience personal growth and development. They learn to see the world through each other's eyes, gaining new perspectives and evolving as individuals in the process.

Shared Adventures: Whether it's fighting side by side in battle or embarking on thrilling adventures together, Sabo and the marine reader make the most of every moment they spend together. Their shared experiences strengthen their bond and create memories that will last a lifetime.

Hope for the Future: Despite the challenges they face, Sabo and the marine reader remain hopeful for the future. They dream of a world where their love can exist without fear or prejudice, and they're willing to do whatever it takes to make that dream a reality.

ON WITH THE STORY!!!

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The moon hung low in the sky, casting an ethereal glow over the deserted streets of the coastal town. Sabo, shrouded in the darkness, moved with the grace of a shadow as he watched the marine outpost from a safe distance. His mission tonight was crucial, yet his thoughts were unexpectedly drawn to her.

She was a force to be reckoned with, a marine with a fiery spirit and a heart of gold. Sabo couldn't help but admire her from afar, her dedication to justice both inspiring and captivating. It was a dangerous game he played, allowing himself to be drawn to someone on the opposite side of the conflict, but he couldn't deny the pull she had on him.

Meanwhile, at the marine outpost, she paced the dimly lit corridors, her mind racing with thoughts of the day's events. Her encounters with the notorious Straw Hat Pirates had left her questioning everything she thought she knew about the world. But amidst the chaos, one thing remained clear to her: her unwavering commitment to protecting innocent lives, even if it meant defying orders.

As she rounded a corner, she caught sight of a familiar figure lurking in the shadows. Instinct kicked in as she reached for her weapon, ready to confront the intruder. But as the moonlight fell upon his face, she recognized him instantly.

"Sabo," she breathed, her voice a mixture of surprise and disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

Sabo stepped forward, his gaze meeting hers with a mixture of determination and something else, something she couldn't quite place. "I could ask you the same thing, Marine," he replied, his voice low and steady. "But I think we both know the answer."

She felt her heart race at his words, a flutter of excitement mingled with fear coursing through her veins. "I won't let you interfere with our operations," she said, trying to sound stern despite the uncertainty in her voice.

Sabo chuckled softly, the sound sending shivers down her spine. "I'm not here to cause trouble, I assure you," he said, taking a step closer to her. "In fact, I could use your help."

Her brow furrowed in confusion. "My help? With what?"

He hesitated for a moment, his gaze searching hers as if trying to gauge her reaction. "There's someone I need to protect," he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. "Someone who means everything to me."

She studied him for a long moment, sensing the sincerity in his words. Despite everything, she couldn't bring herself to turn him away. "Lead the way," she said quietly, her resolve firm as she followed him into the night.

As they made their way through the deserted streets, Sabo couldn't shake the feeling of unease that gnawed at him. He knew the risks of involving her in his mission, yet he couldn't deny the sense of relief he felt having her by his side.

Suddenly, a commotion up ahead caught their attention, drawing them towards the source of the disturbance. As they rounded a corner, they came face to face with a familiar figure: Luffy, the infamous Straw Hat Pirate.

Sabo's heart clenched at the sight of his brother, battered and bruised yet still defiant in the face of danger. Without hesitation, he rushed to Luffy's side, grateful for the marine's presence as they worked together to fend off their attackers.

Amidst the chaos, Sabo stole glances at the marine, marveling at her strength and determination as she fought alongside them. He couldn't help but admire her, her fiery spirit a stark contrast to the darkness that threatened to consume them all.

As the dust settled and their enemies retreated into the night, Sabo turned to the marine, a newfound sense of gratitude and respect burning within him. "Thank you," he said softly, his voice laced with emotion. "For everything."

She smiled at him, a glimmer of warmth in her eyes as she returned his gaze. "Anytime," she said, her voice soft yet resolute. "After all, we're on the same side, aren't we?"

Sabo's heart swelled with affection at her words, a sense of belonging washing over him like a wave crashing against the shore. In that moment, he knew he had found something worth fighting for, something worth risking it all for.

As they stood together in the moonlit street, a silent understanding passed between them, binding them together in a bond that transcended the boundaries of their respective worlds. And as they walked into the night, side by side, Sabo couldn't help but feel grateful for the unexpected twist of fate that had brought them together.

______________________________________________________________

This is also posted on the a03 account by the same name. I also have a sexy Ace x Straw-Hat! reader posted in the masterlist! Please go check it out!

Please check out my other works and leave likes and comments, they really help. Drop a follow as well if you please. Don't be shy to leave me a little reblog if you want.

Seen you soon my loves!!~ <<33

SELF-CONFIDENCE 101

7 things you can do to boost your confidence

1. Stand against your fears 🌸

Your fears exist within you, and they have no actual power over you without your consent. Understand the beliefs behind those fears and eliminate the roots by working on your self-concept. Self-concept is the concept you hold about yourself.

Be gentle with yourself, and don't be afraid to reach out for help if you think you need one

2. Dress nice and comfy 🎀

Psychologically speaking, appearance can have a huge impact on your mood and how people perceive you. There is this saying in my native language that goes like "People greet you with looking at your clothes and say bye looking at your intellect"

Make sure you set your boundaries straight even energetically.

If you look/dress nicely, you will automatically feel confident.

Don't let the clothes wear you, WEAR THEM instead

3. Body language 🧝‍♀️

Having the right posture can make you feel confident.

You can get to know your body in front of the mirror too

Go ahead and have fun

Everyone on the outside is your servant, your slave, ready and able to do your will. - Neville Goddard

4. Get physically active 🏃

Moving your body/working out releases neurotransmitters like dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and acetylcholine, reducing anxiety and depression.

Take care of yourself both physically and mentally

5. Commit to yourself 1st 👑

If you want to feel confident, focus on YOUR OWN talents and hobbies.

You are YOU, and that's why nobody can become YOU.

Commit to yourself and to your hobbies because at the end of the day you are your own source of happiness

6. Stop trying to fit in 🌙

Don't try to match the room's energy, INFLUENCE IT

It's not your business what other people think about you

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF? And what do you think about them?

7. Imagination creates reality / Self-concept 🧚‍♀️

See yourself as the most successful person in your reality. Put yourself in your best form

How do you look?

How do you talk?

How do you walk?

Answer to these questions, and you will automatically enter your desired state

What traits do you think Sirius is attracted to? Like what would his ideal type be like?

(don't be afraid to go into extensive detail about it 🩷)

His ideal type... James.

Actually, it might not seem obvious, but for Sirius, it's important that people accept him for who he is. He might not realise it, but that's the filter for whether he'll have close relationships with someone. Showing complete acceptance of him as a person, without trying to change him, and genuinely loving him for who he is – that's the first thing that needs to be in a person. Otherwise, Sirius just won't open up. So, it's either full acceptance and liking Sirius just the way he is, or à la poubelle (And this is despite his deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy and the desire to be useful)

The second crucial condition is that the partner must earn Sirius's respect. RESPECT. Sirius must want to respect them. See them as an equal partner, no less.

Despite Sirius showing care for those he loves, I don't think he'd be attracted to someone who needs to be protected all the time. Sirius cares for the weak (like animals) and those under his protection (like Harry), but his understanding of caring for Harry is specific—it's not motherly care like Molly's, it's about providing resources and opportunities for him to become stronger and overcome challenges. Sirius has a deep-rooted aversion to human weakness in general (this isn't the case with animals because they genuinely depend on humans, but in Sirius's view, humans always have the potential for action rather than just having pity parties. It's a deep respect for the concept of being Human, for their ability to make choices and their potential. He believes that Humans are capable creatures, and it's only individuals choose to give up their agency, which diminishes the very idea of being Human. This is a pretty tough and harsh view of the world, but you can see it in him right from his first appearance in PoA.)

I see two types that could attract him (of any gender), one he'd simply get along with and spend a lot of time with, and the other who could be with him for the long haul.

The first type is easy-going, cheerful, able to handle his mood swings, finds his humour amusing, and can pull him out of the occasional melancholy he falls into. Someone interested in many things, active, and an engaging conversationalist. They don't create drama or get overly emotional if Sirius does something "wrong". This person can easily and flexibly navigate Sirius's boundaries just by being themselves. They're open-minded and free from stereotypes and limitations. They don't take offence at Sirius's jokes and humour; they take everything lightly. In general, they're airy, flexible, confident, attention-grabbing, bright, cheerful, and not overly concerned with questions of morality and correctness, but fundamentally a good person.

The second type is someone quite tough and strong. Also not inclined to drama or hashing out relationships, but with very firm boundaries. If they have a quarrel, it's a real fight, not just shouting. Sirius is definitely drawn to strength in another person, and there's potential here for serious relationships and to hook Sirius for years. This person is a bit edgy, and there should be something dark about them? I don't know how to explain it correctly, they shouldn't be evil or morally wrong, but they're definitely not a soft, tender flower. Very independent. They won't sigh over Sirius and won't look at him with puppy-dog eyes, but they'll definitely express their desire passionately. They're equals in everything, or maybe even better at something. Perhaps this person should have some unusual interests. Very passionate. Very. They have an animalistic sexuality. Sirius is more submissive in these relationships. And they might not be exclusive and could date others simultaneously, but they'll always come back to each other.

And the third type–James.

Well, alright, there might also be a fourth type, someone calm, thoughtful, perhaps with some challenges in life and difficulties that they faces stoically and without complaint, etc etc etc, but I'm tired of writing, sorry. I'd love to read your versions!

Wandee Goodday - Ep 2

Dee and Yak are such an interesting couple: they both have unresolved love problems with other people, and yet together they have created a surprisingly normal and mature relationship that is based on honesty, openness, communication, clarity about expectations, personal freedom, sexual freedom, respecting boundaries. Dee and Yak are now in a place many couples never get to be! Of course, this may change the moment their feelings for each other begin to complicate this now comfortable situation. I'm a bit afraid of the appearance of a lack of communication, creating false scenarios in their heads, trying to keep a distance, or, ugh, noble sacrifice 😶 Please don't.

I really like how Yak tends to care for and help Dee. I also liked the scene when Dee dried Yak's head with a towel, it was very domestic and very "old married couple", simply nice and casual 💖

I really liked how Dee explained why he didn't want to kiss, how Yak didn't laugh at him or make a big deal out of it, and how elegantly he got around this rule by giving him a kiss that was much, much more romantic and amorous than kiss on the lips 😘😘 And I REALLY liked the fact that Dee, despite the his reservations and rules, did not protest at all about receiving the necklace and being kissed on the necklace once it was on him. But maybe he didn't realize the meaning of this gesture, after all, Dee IS very inexperienced, as evidenced by his 8-year-old crush, the way he behaves in clubs (😬) and the way he simply accepted Yak's necklace, which he never parts with and which is his even a sort of his trademark without a second thought 😭 Oh Dee… my sweet, sweet Summer child 😭😭😭

I love how sensitive Yak is to Dee's moods, how he always KNOWS when he's sad.

Ter's conversation with Dee and the way he behaves makes me lean towards one of the earlier theories, that Ter knew exactly what he was doing and he was seducing Dee. That it was just not too friendly behavior, misread by Dee. When Ter insists that Dee give him what he wants, he holds his hand tenderly and it is a physical manipulation like wiping his mouth earlier. I won't even comment on the world's oldest manipulation: "if you love me, do something for me" and I'm so relieved that Dee didn't give in to it right there. After the first episode, we debated whether Ter was doing it all consciously or whether he was misunderstood, but now there is no longer any doubt that Ter was manipulating Dee. Someone like him certainly would notice his younger colleague's infatuation, which he consciously fueled with gestures clearly associated with seduction, instead of creating distance. Plus, he could have said no to Dee in a much gentler way, without damaging his self-esteem or their relationship. This is very reminiscent of the situation in other series - My Ride, where the older doctor consciously kept the younger one infatuated with him.

Anyway, this series is so much fun, so many pretty boys, and when I see Dee and Yak together I have two reactions: 1) 😍💖🥺💞✨🔥

and 2) officer! these two right here, please arrest them, they're so fucking dumb 🤡

EDIT: Check out the newer version here, which has juicy new spicy content and two new characters (Harriman Gray and the Captain)

I saw something similar posted by @undeadgayboynes and was inspired to create my own. Which Combs character would you date?

Thy’lek Shran (Star Trek Enterprise)

‪Pros: Strong sense of justice, good at what he does, sexy, energetic. He’ll fight for what’s right and he’ll protect you with his life. He has a soft side and he’s not afraid to show it.‬

Cons: Hotheaded, a bit rash.

Anton Mordrid (Doctor Mordrid)

Pros: Fights evil, lives a quiet life. Financially stable. Has a romantic streak. Is an all around sweet guy who will bring you breakfast in bed and read to you. He teaches you wizardry.

Cons: Absolutely tragic sense of style.

Chaz (Dead Man Walking)

Pros: Is objectively very cute. He’d risk his life for yours without question. He works past his fear to achieve his goals. No doubt a snuggler big on showing affection.

Cons: Is a bit whiney, possibly has the plague. Tragic taste in nicknames.

Crawford Tillinghast (From Beyond)

Pros: Brilliant scientist and inventor. Submissive and sweet. Romance with him would be chaste and old fashioned. He’d do his best to keep you safe. Cute little guy in a big sweater.

Cons: Sexually repressed. A bad luck magnet. Despite his best efforts, trouble finds him.

Andrew Paris (Phantom Empire)

Pros: Strong sex appeal. Wears the tightest pants in existence. He wouldn’t object to spontaneous adventures. A relationship with him would be impulsive and quirky.

Cons: Any girl who flirts with him is a legit threat. He’s a slutty, wanton little strumpet.

Bill Knight (Felony)

Pros: Handsome, charismatic crime fighter. Eager to hop in bed with you if you show a smidgeon of kindness toward him. He whimpers very prettily. He’s quick and agile.

Cons: He is a total hazard. You’re in the line of fire if you hang with him. He may break into your house. He’s flown through an absurd number of windows.

D-Day (Fortress)

Pros: Adorable, good with machines. There’s kindness in him. He will risk his life for his friends. A relationship with him would consist of tentative, shy, and guarded advances.

Cons: He is easily led into dangerous situations. He needs a dentist. Hes in jail.

Weyoun (Star Trek Deep Space 9)

Pros: Ethereal. Obscenely sexy. Knows what he wants and how to get it. If he chooses to be devoted to you, he’ll be loyal unto death. Loves to have fun, and loves to tease. Kinky.

Cons: Religious nut. Can’t appreciate art, food, and many simple pleasures. Manipulative.

John Reilly (Castle Freak)

Pros: Handsome DILF. He wants to improve his life. Repentant of his sins, affectionate.

Cons: Touch starved, desperate, directionless, alcoholic, and when he falls off the wagon he falls all the way off. He also comes from a family of lunatics so there’s that.

James Wilkins (Hunter S07E13)

Pros: Sensual as fuck. Life with him would be a roller coaster ride of sex and danger. Tattoos, leather, fast cars, and he can’t keep his hands off you.

Cons: He’s a thief and a murderer. He’s attracted to women more dangerous than he is.

Milton Dammers (The Frighteners)

Pros: Once upon a time he was probably a sweet guy. He wants to rid the world of evil so desperately that he’s sacrificed his own sanity to do it.

Cons: He’s a broken man. He’s completely lost his grip on reality. He’s scarred, scared, troubled, and no you can’t fix him.

Herbert West (Reanimator)

Pros: Definitely handsome. On some level he wants to do something great for humankind. He’s capable of affection in his own bizzare way. Life with him would certainly never be dull. Despite his abrasiveness he’s got an undeniable magnetism.

Cons: Morals? Never heard of ‘em. Healthy boundaries are a non starter. His definition of intimacy likely won’t be aligned with yours. He will latch onto you like the codependent, murderous, evil little gremlin he is until one or both of you is dead or in jail.

reality is the freckles on your face and the feathers on my dress (Vertin/Schneider)

Schneider understands the gesture perfectly. A heavy anchor buried in the soil that prevents them from flying away. She looks back up and counts her lord’s freckles again.

Schneider has a way to keep herself grounded in reality.

***

One, two, three, four, five-

“Does chicken sound okay for dinner to you?”

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten-

“Schneider? Are you counting them again?”

Oh. Schneider stops her counting. Whoops, looks like she's been caught again. Her lord is pouting now. How adorable. The girl in the red feather dress shrugs but her lips curl into a mischievous smile as she places her elbows on top of the counter. “My apologies.”

Vertin sighs. “Does it count as one if you're going to do it again?”

Schneider lets out a soft laugh. “Not quite my fault, they're much too cute to resist.”

The Timekeeper blushes red and shifts her gaze to look at the surface of the kitchen counter. Adorable. An expression from the usually stoic Timekeeper that's purely reserved for Schneider’s eyes.

This time, Schneider can't help herself as she slides off her spot and settles close to Vertin, the top of her head nuzzling the white-haired girl’s neck. A moment later, she feels Vertin’s hand finding hers just under the counter. It feels warm.

“I don't understand what's so fun about it though,” Vertin says, her free hand coming up to gently brush against her freckled skin.

Schneider hums in contemplation. She's had an answer ready for months now. A perfect, simple answer that does what it needs to satiate one’s curiosity without revealing too much. As much as Schneider trusted Vertin with her body and soul, this one secret is one she doesn't dare reveal. 

The more you keep your wish a secret, the more likely it is to come true.

Her wish is silly, ridiculous, and maybe even stupid but she keeps it close to her heart. Besides, no wish is truly stupid when it comes to her beloved Vertin.

***

She doesn’t quite remember when it began. Perhaps that moment when the storm ravaged the air surrounding them, as she felt the otherworldly rain droplets flying up from the ground beneath her feet, as she felt herself fading away with Vertin’s distraught expression above her. Schneider had smiled then, her heart had felt joy. Joy over Vertin’s eyes being the last thing she saw and her promise being the last thing she heard. But, another part of her felt lonely, guilty, angered. She did her best to keep them hidden as she wanted her smile to be what Vertin saw, not her pain. Then by some miracle from the universe, they were reunited. It had been a rare blessing as the universe is so rarely kind to someone like her and her bloodied hands.

The first few months were hard. It was hard to find balance, it was hard to get used to everything, it was hard to find proper boundaries and limits. When you’ve spent your entire life seeing black and red flags, green feels unnatural, wrong, odd. Vertin had been afraid to let Schneider out of her sight, terrified of her disappearing again and Schneider had been paranoid that this was all just some sick dream meant to torment her, that the Vertin in front of her was nothing but an alluring illusion in her afterlife. The universe isn’t kind to someone like me so this isn’t real, she thought. There were days in between where she felt like she shouldn’t get close to anything, especially the one she loved so dearly. One touch and it’ll all disperse like dust.

One night, Schneider woke up alone, light rain creating an odd lullaby just outside the walls. The sheets next to her were cold and Vertin had been nowhere in sight. She felt her chest tightening and her breath coming out in pants. It’s all a lie. A dream. Everything around her felt uncomfortable and suffocating, the rain outside sounded like droplets of blood falling onto the cold, hard ground after the fire of her gun. When Vertin entered the room again, glass of water in hand, Schneider thought she was seeing a ghost. Even as her Timekeeper held her close, it still felt so unreal and dream-like. Schneider’s eyes lingered on Vertin’s worried expression. 

She always thought that her lord’s little freckles were so cute. They were often hidden under the shadows of her hat, but they were so cute nonetheless. It always made her look just a bit more childish and younger. Oh, have a few disappeared? Or maybe new ones have appeared?

One, two three -

Vertin’s arms were warm.

Four, five, six -

Her words of comfort were lovely.

Seven, eight, nine -

It wasn’t a dream.

***

“Schneider? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Oh. Has she been daydreaming for too long? Vertin must’ve caught the slightly dazed expression on her face. Schneider smiles and squeezes her hand, an assurance. Vertin’s shoulders relax slightly and that is when Schneider catches her lord’s fingers touching the tip of one of the feathers of her dress. She barely feels it and Vertin pulls her touch away quickly soon after.

Schneider understands the gesture perfectly. A heavy anchor buried in the soil that prevents them from flying away. She looks back up and counts her lord’s freckles again. One, two three -

It seems like she’s still here, in her beautiful and very real reality. The warmth around her hand is real, the ghost of the touch lingering on the feathers of her dress is real, Vertin is real. 

I’m real too.

“Schneider?”

She couldn’t resist at that point. Her lord is pouting again so how can she not lean forward to press a light kiss against her lips? When she pulls away, her lips curl into a satisfied smile while Vertin’s cheeks grow bright red. Her beautiful reality. One that she will live and be happy in. When time decides to erode her existence like it already did once, she hopes it’s one where she's lived a long life with her beloved at her side.

“It’s fun, my lord.” Schneider grins. “I wouldn’t want them to suddenly get stolen now, would I?”

(in case tumblr ate it) jance, 17 🥰

yes it seems it did😔 here's what i was going to reply to you haha

tysm for your request jo 💜💜💜 i really enjoyed writing it!

also posted to ao3 here

He may not have known him for very long, but Jan has never seen Nace this nervous before. Yes, he had been shy when they first met (though Jan was shyer), yes he had been on edge before his first gig with them, yes he’d been quiet in the studio while they were recording Carpe Diem. Now, though, he isn’t tense and reticent, as he usually is when he’s anxious. No; he’s pacing up and down in the heavy silence of the RTV’s dressing room wringing his hands, jumping every time any of the others say or do anything, fiddling with the hem of his jacket, smoothing down his hair obsessively. These are nervous tics Jan has never seen from him before and it’s making him restless too. Watching Nace, he is filled with the urge to go over and wrap him in a crushing hug, as though he can leech away all his stress and anticipation with one touch.

Jan is used to taking comfort in Nace’s presence. He knows too that Nace takes comfort in him. They’ve been slowly exploring the something between them for the past few months, unable to hold back despite the knowledge that entering a relationship with a bandmate can get messy. He doesn’t want to rush things, doesn’t want to rock the boat, to overstep a boundary and cause an explosion. But he can’t sit here and watch Nace get more and more wound up with nerves just as they’re meant to go on stage.

Before he’s quite decided what the plan is, Jan suddenly finds himself standing. The other four all turn to face him and he almost shrinks under the combined weight of their attention, but he’s desperate for a moment alone with Nace, so he steels himself and gestures vaguely at Bojan, Kris, and Jure.

“You three, out,” he says abruptly, not quite able to make eye contact with any of them. He expects some kind of resistance, perhaps from Bojan, but they all obey him without a word, and he watches them leave in his peripheral vision from where he’s looking at the floor. There are a few brief moments after the door swings closed behind Kris in which neither Jan nor Nace say anything, and then Jan turns around. 

Nace looks somehow even more nervous now it’s just the two of them; he’s holding onto the back of the chair next to him as though he might fall over without its support. At the sight of him, Jan no longer has any qualms about what is needed and he crosses the floor without a word to gather Nace into his arms. Nace relaxes into him immediately, holding him tightly back, tipping his head down so his forehead is resting on Jan’s shoulder. They stand like this for several minutes, impossibly close and yet not close enough. Jan hopes that Nace is as calmed and reassured by the contact, by Jan’s warmth and familiar smell, as Jan is by him. He only loosens his grip when Nace stops shaking and steps back far enough that they can see each other’s faces, though he keeps his arms slung around Nace’s neck so he can’t pull too far away.

“Want to talk about it?”

Nace opens his mouth to answer but can’t find the words. Jan doesn’t interrupt, just gives Nace time to formulate what he’s trying to say. It takes a few long minutes, but eventually Nace is able to articulate himself. “It’s the first project I’ve worked on with you guys,” he says slowly, eyes downcast. “What if the fans don’t like my influence on your sound? What if they don’t think I fit your image?”

Jan leans in and bumps his forehead reassuringly against Nace’s. “Fuck the fans,” he says lowly, and it startles a laugh out of Nace. The sound makes something twist in Jan’s stomach. He loves hearing Nace laugh, loves the way he has so much joy to share and isn’t afraid of expressing it. “I mean it,” he repeats. “We like the way you create with us, we love this song. If our current fans don’t like it or don’t like you, then fuck them; we’ll make plenty of new fans through Eurovision.” 

Neither of them are as ambitious as Bojan and Kris are regarding fame or global exposure, but they all decided to go on this journey knowing that was the plan. Jan’s always been in it for the music; the unparalleled joy of creating music, those magical moments on stage when he becomes the music. But he can’t let Nace be afraid of their Eurovision journey before it’s even started.

Nace is still anxious and Jan can tell. He wants to address the other question Nace had posed, to reassure him, but now it’s his turn to be tongue tied and nervous. He wants to tell Nace how attractive he is, how his smile makes Jan’s heart skip a beat, that he wants to map Nace’s skin with his tongue and teeth, that he’s desperate to learn how to take him apart with just a few touches. But they’re taking it slow, trying not to rush into things, even though Jan knows his traitorous heart isn’t listening to reason.

So he does the only thing he can to ensure his tongue won’t betray his feelings; he steps back into Nace’s personal space and kisses him fiercely.

No matter how many times they kiss, Jan knows he will never tire of it. His entire universe at this moment is the heat of Nace’s mouth, the taste of him, the way he’s threading his fingers through Jan’s hair and sliding a hand down his back to pull him closer. Nace is pliant under Jan’s hands and tongue, willing to cede all control and let Jan do what he wants to him, and what Jan wants is to take him apart, to make him forget all traces of his nervousness for their upcoming performance. But they’re in their shared dressing room, where their bandmates or frankly anyone else could walk in, and as desperately as he wants to let go of all his inhibitions, he knows that would be far too reckless, and so, reluctantly, he pulls away. They’re both panting and a little unsteady on their feet, and Jan opens his eyes to take in Nace’s flushed cheeks and kiss-bruised lips. Willpower alone stops him from leaning back in to finish what they’ve started, and he can see clearly in Nace’s face the same desire.

“Was that a good enough distraction?” Jan asks, his voice unexpectedly husky.

“It wasn’t bad,” Nace admits breathlessly, and Jan can hear the smile in his voice. After a few long moments, Nace releases his tight grip on Jan’s shirt and steps back far enough that they can see themselves in the mirror. All Jan can think is that they’re lucky they haven’t gone to hair and make-up yet; they’re both so dishevelled that it’s obvious what they’ve been up to even without any telltale traces of smudged foundation. Nace reaches up to smooth down Jan’s hair again, and Jan leans instinctively into his touch. “I think we’ve got a different problem now,” Nace says wryly, and Jan is inclined to agree. Bojan, Kris, and Jure will surely be back any moment now and they’ll be sent off to hair and make-up; they can only hope their racing hearts will have time to slow before they’re called on stage.