#conversations i should have with my therapist | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pinkpigtailsprincess · 3 days

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💿: Hey, U-Go-Girl⋆.ೃ࿔* 🎀⭐️

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₊˚💿✩; Hey Dolls 2Day we’re gonna be talking about building self confidence/ self esteem and embracing your natural self!! this post is heavily inspired by U-Go-Girl By Lee Hyori Bc honestly that song literally screams CONFIDENCE!! {Long Post Ahead}

DISCLAIMER !! some of this stuff might mo resonate with some folk because of certain circumstances like social anxiety i know bc i literally have social anxiety + agoraphobia and these are also some things ive done to cope with anxiety and stuff like that so don’t even!

⋆🎀˚⊹ PILE 1 ;

Internal > Looking the Part > Baby Steps > Take Up Space > affirmations > body language > Embarrassment

⋆👖˚⊹ PILE 2 ;

External > Cutting People off > Opinions > being desperate > boundaries > compete with your self

₊˚🌺✩ ₊˚⭐️⊹♡ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

₊˚🪼✩ 1; Looking The Part !! ୭₊˚

When you Look good you feel good!! it doesn’t matter what you look like when you’re put together + confident you’re automatically attractive!! 🎀 4 instants everyday even on lazy days always make sure you’re

Showered

Hair Put together

a cute outfit that YOU like

clean nails

fresh breathe

clean skin

moisturized + smelling AMAZING!!

Hot Tips ! ;

when it comes to Hair + Skincare + Oral Hygiene & Outfit personally i recommend Hair > Oral Hygiene > Outfit because when it comes to hair care certain products in your hair product can also have an affect on your skin and when brushing your teeth + mouth wash and scrubbing toothpaste get all over your mouth and water its messy!

₊˚📟✩ 2 ; Baby Steps !! ୭₊˚

For all my folks out there who are shy/have social anxiety/introverted or just need to get out more baby steps is the way to do it i learned this from the therapist so basically i rank things from least to most anxiety inducing (?) like sitting outside or something and i do the smallest task for about how ever long i possibly can and i keep doing it till i progress and start doing harder things !!

₊˚ 🍭✩3 ; Take up Too much Space !! ୭₊˚ (The wizard Liz Inspired)

Never dim your light to make others comfortable when it comes to confidence and being yourself you gotta be unapologetic about it!! you focus should never be on other people and how they perceive you , that literally none of your business and that’s literally a waste of time and draining your own happiness So where that dress,style your hair this way,showcase your true self and fuck how other people feel that a THEM Problem not Yours!!

₊˚ 💬✩4 ; Affirmations !! ୭₊˚

Affirmations Baby!!! Having daily affirmations is a MUST!! not only boost your self esteem and confidence but they will also bring you out of the mindset that your “below the bar” & help you validate yourself without needing outside opinions!!

What i like 2 do it is keep set of daily affirmations i repeat when i wake up & throughout the day and i like to put them all around my space like put sticky notes of mirrors,keep pinterest boards of affirmations,repeat then while getting ready,making a self concept playlist full of songs that make me feel my best etc.!! (P.S Affirmations tapes are TOP TIER)

. . . DYK?

The kinds of media you consumer can sometimes affect your over all mood,self image & mentality so be mindful of the media you consume when it comes to any form of media !!

₊˚ 🍋‍🟩✩5 ; Body Language!! ୭₊˚

SUPER IMPORTANT!! wether you’re in an active conversation or just walking down the street body language will play a huge role in not only how you feel but will also help you be confident & have people be more attracted to your energy

so what were gonna do is swap all of the awkward body language and swap them out!

Tense Shoulders > Drop & relax your shoulders and put them back

Looking down when walking > Hold your head up head

Slouching > Stop slouching and Keep your make straight

When you wave don’t shake your palm > use your 3 fingers in the middle to wave in an half way down and up motion

Sit in the Duchess Pose basically it putting both of your legs together and slant them 2 the right diagonally !!

STRUT YOUR STUFF!! I can’t stress this enough a good runway strut is always on your side i promise you this!! you gotta act like your a famous super model like naomi,shalom,yasmeen,linda etc. you gotta act like your opening for a runway or something and just be FABULOUS!!

₊˚ 🏩 ✩6 ; Embarrassment !! ୭₊˚

I Fully believe embarrassment is a SOCIAL CONSTRUCT like people who are consider “embarrassing” are literally just being themselves and when people see a person being themself they can’t handle and feel this dire urge to “humble” them and

An example of this comes from one of my favorite movies Legally Blonde!! when elle first stepped foot on Harvard campus people were automatically on her tail for just being herself and what did she do?? NOTHING. and thats exactly what you gotta do view their opinion as INVALID and keep doing you!

“Out of Sight Out of Mind”

Hey! You made it to pile 2 Lucky You!

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⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 Cutting People Off .𖥔˚ 🐬

SPOILER ALERT!! The people you surround yourself with can definitely play a role in how you perceive yourself,your individual opinions,how you think & behavioral action due to peer pressure, sometimes toxic people can seep into your social circle and you might no even notice it

Signs You need to cut someone off!

- never supporting you

- repeating the same toxic behavior

- never being happy for you

- copying everything you do

- never fully apologizing

- trying to bring you down for literally anything

- talking behind your back

- trying to leave you out

- is hypocritical towards you

- is in competition with you

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 Opinions! .𖥔˚ 👙

Again like i said people opinions on you is not a you problem its a them problem especially if it’s a negative opinion it doesn’t matter you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone especially not someone who won’t even take the time to know you before making up stupid assumptions! and you sure al hell don’t need to change to fit in with anyone , you were meant to stand put and thats okay

“No Problem i don’t care You’re you I’m me” - Jang Wonyoung

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 Being Desperate.𖥔˚ 🪸

OH GIRL!! Being desperate is embarrassing for you especially if it’s over someone you have romantic interest in unt unt that simply won’t fly with me! if they’re ghosting you,being inconsistent,telling you one thing but acting another way etc. don’t be desperate for someone like that you deserve someone better! people like this probably don’t care and its silly of you to be desperate for their attention & you’re far too special for that

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 Boundaries .𖥔˚ 🛍️

Always have boundaries and never let anyone over step them, if you set a boundaries in a friendship and they keep crossing that boundaries they don’t care about your boundaries don’t let someone continue to disrespect you & your boundaries

HOT TIP . . .

Don’t laugh at jokes that are at your expense

If someone is trying to embarrass you be upfront with them and tell them how you feel

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 Compete with yourself .𖥔˚ 🌤️

See yourself as your only competition always try to out do yourself not matter what in any category even if its doing something productive one day to have a better day than you did yesterday i adapt this mindset with my blog and my self improvement i need to out do myself all the time im the only person i need to compete with!!

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spookietrex · 3 months

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TW: SA, SI

Growing up, all of the really nasty core beliefs that really stuck were taught to me by someone in a position of authority when I was naked and/or vulnerable.

You can't be trans. Trans people are laughable/a punchline.

If you shave above the knee, wear certain clothes (ie yoga pants at age 14), you're asking for it.

If you have any form of a disability, there's something wrong with you and you should hide that and pretend like it doesn't bother you.

That serious heart thing where you stand up and almost pass out and your heart goes up to 150 just going up stairs? That's just anxiety. (Actually a diagnosed heart condition...)

You're not ACTUALLY in pain. You're just lying to get out of X activity.

Oh you're 15 and you've tried to unal*ve yourself at least 10 times and are seriously self-harming?? It's just a phase and you'll grow out of it.

You're a burden on your family.

You're making that up. X family member wouldn't do that.

X stays inside the family and we don't talk about it to outsiders.

The list goes on.

I was helpless then...but I'm not anymore.

I will break these generational curses. I will not be silenced. I am not broken.

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gibbearish · 5 months

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ive seen ppl saying smth in the wider plagiarism discussion to the tune of "don't worry anxious people, it's impossible to accidentally plagiarize!" and i feel like that lacks a lot of nuance that anxious brains like mine latch on to to just dismiss the possibility outright, as well as a lack of life experiences fueling it.

it is possible to "accidentally plagiarize" in that you can read something, forget about it, then a while later have your brain spit the ideas back out without telling where it got them. so of course you just assume they're yours and share them as such, because That's Where Most Of The Thoughts In Your Head Come From! and it both is and isn't plagiarism, you weren't /intending/ to pass someone's else's work off as your own, i'd even say in a way you were just as much a victim of misinformation as your audience. but you very much so did still resuse the work of someone else, even if you don't remember it.

but in my experience, this kind of thing also happens to a lot of people. you tell a friend a joke then wake up in a cold sweat two days later realizing the reason they didnt laugh was because they'd told you that joke a month ago. you reply to a friend's text and after sending you realized you ended it with the same exact phrase as theirs. you're writing edgy poetry and write a line you really like only to see it in a text post two days later saying youve already liked the post. like, it happens. so if it DOES happens and you're just honest and explain, people will understand. something like "oh shit im sorry, i totally have read that, i mustve forgotten and only remembered bits and pieces and just thought they were mine. thank you for letting me know and for the source" works wonders.

people know you can forget things. people won't automatically doubt your apology just because all true plagiarists say it was accidental. HOPEFULLY people can understand the nuance between a genuine remorseful explanation, and a thief who hoped no one would find out scrambling for excuses for why they did it. and those who can't, that's a them problem, not a you problem, you've taken responsibility for your actions as much as you can. they think the answer is simple, that the only thing stopping you from saying "yes i did it on purpose, i knew the whole time and deliberately copied them" is shame/inability to admit to your actions. but sometimes things AREN'T that simple, so imo ppl who are shitty to you for not following the script they made up for you in their head should be ignored

#youre allowed to make up scripts for people in fact good luck stopping yourself since thats kinda just part of how conversation works #is you try to predict how your audience will react to a certain statement #and my therapist actually encouraged me to practice run stuff i wanna talk about in sessions because That Makes It Easier To Talk About #like who cares if it's rehearsed‚ it's still the truth‚ yknow?#however that only applies to the things /you/ want to say. you are the only one aware of this script and the only one who agreed to it in #the first place which is why you plan contingencies into the script #is because you only have control over one character and can only take guesses at what the others might say #if you guess wrong and they do something different that doesnt mean /theyre/ not following the script #it means /your/ copy was a misprint and you filled in the blanks wrong. so do what good actors do and improvise. you'll get back on script #eventually. or not‚ if your guesses devolved into wildly speculative fanfiction‚ but frankly you knew going into it that #most of your script was guesswork so you should be prepared to have to make some things up on the fly #or see again: prepare contingencies #if your guesswork on your copy of the script turns out to be wrong‚ wouldnt it be sooo handy to have a second copy which follows this #version of events much better?#and if not that one‚ maybe this third? how about this fourth? etc etc etc #but really just. when guessing at what others will say. know that you are guessing and dont hold it against /them/ if youre wrong #sorry ik that wasnt super related to the post itself im just also passionate abt that #plagiarism #james somerton

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spiltlove · 11 months

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i’m just a girl who needs her alone time. just me n the empty space pls nothing else

#never thought i’d relate to those people in relationships who have separate bedrooms #but honestly #relatable #I MJSS BEING ALONE #n maybe that’s a sign i should b alone #but like woooo boy is that a conversation i don’t know how to have #i used to have to be around people alllll the time #and ever since 2021 #i can’t stand being around anyone #unless it’s my bsf or my mom lol #idk #maybe it’s self isolation maybe it’s healing #i’ll ask my therapist tomororw #or later today. it is 2am #personal

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totopopopo · 4 months

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Wait I’m 70% sure ocpd is a thing unless you meant it’s not real in the antipsych way not the literal way

i had no idea that was a thing i just used those words to avoid using the term obsessive compulsive disorder bc that’s not something i’ve been diagnosed with or feel like i can claim to have lol

#i’m anti psych too tbh but. that’s not what’s happening here #and after looking it up briefly i think it’s safe to say i don’t have ocpd for sure although i def see some overlap between my experiences #and those described #much more so for ocd like. i would say descriptions of ocd match up with my experience pretty much 1 to 1 lol #but like. none of my admittedly brief conversations with the few therapists or psychs i’ve seen in my life have ever like. cared abt that #cared is the wrong verb lol. none of those conversations have resulted in anyone caring i should say #so like. it’s. probably just anxiety no need for fancy self diagnoses #plus again i’m. anti psych as a field and pseudoscience especially the tiktokification of diagnoses so like.#whatever #but that’s a whole other can of worms #yfeel? ANYWAYS no yeah lol i specifically worded it so as not to mention a real Thing but oops apparently i failed

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princeofyorkshire · 5 months

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me to my mom 4 years ago: i’m bisexual

my mom today: so you still don’t know if you like boys or girls?

#bruh when my therapist mentioned me not being heard she was not fucking lying #she remembers a complete different conversation than it actually was #and i’ll be honest i’m crying while i’m typing this cause i remember it all so perfectly it took me so long to finally have the courage to #say it and she just. heard whatever she wanted to hear #or part of her chose to remember whatever she wanted to remember #so how much of that acceptance was real?#this hit me so fucking hard and she doesn’t even understand why i’m upset #she just doesn’t fucking get it she was like don’t expect me to remember every detail of every conversation i have #well we are talking about me coming out in a household that used to be a little bit homophobic because it was the early 2000s #like it just hurts that she didn’t care enough to remember it #she understood whatever she wanted to cause i NEVER said i had doubts about my identity #or that i didn’t know if i liked boys OR girls #it was always both it was always the big word it was always bisexual #she was the first person i came out to by using that word #i remember the date i remember the situation i remember where we were #and she doesn’t even remember it right #like part of her didn’t want to accept it no matter how supportive she was/is #cause that’s the thing she IS supportive and i should be grateful and i really am but i can’t focus on that. not right now #this is so fucking depressing to me i might be overreacting a little bit yes sure but i don’t care this is how i’m feeling rn #fuck man i don’t know what to do with myself rn #effie talks to the moon

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charmcoin · 11 months

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the cycles The fucking cycles

#pers #having a conversation with my friend that i should genuinely be having with a therapist. but we don't have time to unpack all of that

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lupismaris · 1 year

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No one gets under your skin and makes you feel sick quite like your siblings, and there's no numbness quite like the feeling of having to put a boundary firmly in place with a wide open door for them to walk through should they see it for one

#ive not always been a good older sibling to my brother and i know that. ive owned up for it and apologized and made myself open.#so that we can mend what fractured relationship we have should he choose.#but he fixates on my refusal to play nicely with family that has not done right by me for the whole of my life and bases #the entirety of our potential relationship and the memory of out mother on that on the fact i wont play nice with her kin #because they have not ever fully accepted me save for my uncles which is a new thing. and ive made my boundaries about this clear #and he pushes and pushes and says if we come together as a family it'll ease his grieving and we'll all heal together #but thats just disregarding my own boundaries and trauma in exchange for catering to the comforts of himself and the family #ive given up fighting him on that #but i asked him simply that if he needs me or wants to tell me something to just call me pr text me directly it can be short n sweet #but not to go to our parents. its insulting. ive always answered his calls. even when we fight pr have a failed mediation i always answer #and he immediately made it about how my boundaries are unacceptable so why should he bother #i give up. i know i was arrogant at 26. i know i was. i was probably cruel too. but i had made myself a doormat at the same time.#all i told him was he never bothered to talk to me as my brother or ask my about our mother without the lens of her kin #it was always about them never just about her. it was never about us as siblings just about our aunts and uncles and grandparents #he never crossed the road and came to me and said can we talk about ma and I reminded him of that. never a conversation just #him playing court jester/therapist and ignoring boundaries over and over. and even then i always answered the phone #so i told him he can pivot and change the subject all he wants. but the point of this was that if he needs me i answer.#and should he need me i will answer. but if he continues this behavior of backhanded communication #ill know he doesnt respect me and doesnt see me as his sibling because ive asked him plainly to speak to me #im fuckin tired. you try with people and they just... bait you.#the fact he looked at me and said our relatives are all he has left of ma and im his sibling will never not feel like a salted wound tbh

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#shout out to bad therapist ✌️#u get one more chance my dude before i schedule and cancel my appointment forever or at the end of the session tell u straight up the issue #actually i should start the next session like heres the deal dude but ugh what an exhausting idea #for real he talked for at least half of the session if not more. like ok this is all abt u and its not really helping me #bc u have just decided we have the same problems bc i dont think ur listening to me speak #sure we have a surface level similarity but thsts not really the issue i came in about #like he asked if any interactions with coworkers triggered me and like im not here for things that trigger me so much #its more that i generally cant regulate my mind. but we only had like 2min left so like where tf do i start with that #also he said he thinks the virus is man made and tried to pigeonhole me based on my star sign #like he was like oh yea Taurus women r good at art. and im like well im not naturally art talented i just practiced a lot and got better #and fuck u. u didn't ask how i identify #also he didnt ask what i wanted to talk abt at the start. he just asked abt my thoughts on last time and last time i also felt he wasnt #listening to me so we got drawn back into the same topic. fucking exhausting #also i mentioned having intrusiv e thoughts and i think he thought i meant like im talking to someone i get triggered and then get negative #self talk but like no bro i mean like for no apparent reason my brain decides to torment me with images and impulses that i have to resist #and i half explaned it but he changed the subject like 2 sec later like god damn it dude let me control this conversation #ill fucking tell u what my problems r if u let me fucking talk #just tell me if i have fucking ocd or like wtf that is so i can figure out how to deal with it myself bc u obviously arent helping #unrelated #executive function issues and intrusive thought sthats why i came in so lets fucking focus on that #glad ive had a good therapist in the past bc this is a fucking mess #also glad im generally in a good mood or this would actually b upsetting lol

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lostlovepunk · 1 year

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#currently in a status of going insane when there's people around me #and going differently insane when i am alone #i think i should fucking get a therapist #seems very necessary at this point #just remembered a conversation with my mum where she was like 'when you're looking for therapy you'll probably have to catastrophise :)'#and like. i don't think so #but on the other hand i think she thinks i have mild to mediocre depression with nothing else #for good reason tho #spike spoke

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mxgyver · 11 months

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#besties i'm going to be real honest with you #i am Not™️ doing all that great lately and it's been tough #there's a lot going on right now #and the impending dread of going back to work is making it 100000% times worse #it's not the fact that i don't *want* to go back to work #it's the fact i don't want to go back to my specific job #i'm just really struggling overall and it's hard and i feel so fucking stuck #i miss my friends i miss being a kid and not having to worry about the woes of adulthood #why can't life be so simple anymore #i'm sick and tired of feeling like i'm going to emotionally breakdown at any given point during the day!!!#i just want to be held and loved #but putting myself out there is scary!! and terrifying!!#i am fragile and emotional!!!#should this be a conversation with my therapist? yeah #literally told her today how fuckin ironic it is that all my emotional breakdowns happen *after* my therapy session #like last week? fucking broke down hysterically the day after therapy #today? only a few hours lmao #so yeah things are going great 🤪#anywho... if i seem distant or... off it's not you it's me lmao #sierra speaks #tbd

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rigaudon · 1 year

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I am holding myself together by a fucking thread and I just want it to break so i can get a break.

#i want to not be the fall guy for literally everything. i want some fucking nuance and to not be blamed for other people's actions #as well as my own. it's fucked up that im being told that it's both my fault for how i treated other people (valid and true)#and also being told that it's my fault for letting other people treat me the way they did and that i'm responsible for their actions too #just. so. tired.#just so tired. so. so. tired.#and people will see this and get mad at me and then that's my responsibility too #i want my animals to be okay #i want to be able to make rent and not owe my friends and family money #i dont know where im going to live in two months #i just want someone to care about me for me and not for what they think i should be #as if i am wrong or broken the way i am #why is forgiveness and understanding afforded to other people #while all i get is blame. always blame. it's my fault. i should have known better. the way i think or feel is narcissistic and fucked up.#over and over and over.#i dont want to leave my bunnies #my therapist does a lot of testing for autism and suggested i get tested myself #which i balked at initially because. idk. i don't... really like putting myself in boxes #but i brought it up with her this week and she gave me a referral to some places.#i dunno. maybe i'm desperately looking for something that people will actually take seriously #rather than telling me having adhd isn't an excuse for me to not be able to converse like a normal perspn #and that i can't have accommodations because 'that's how life is and it's not fair to everyone else to make exceptions for me'#the things i do for people i care about go unnoticed or get taken for granted #and i spend my whole life living to make other people happy/comfortable and compromise myself for it #and then when i advocate for myself i am being selfish and 'not everything is about you'. and just a complete rewriting of the things i do #i'm so tired. i'm lonely. i don't feel like im allowed to try and make new friends or reconnect with old ones #i should be posting this on my sideblog #fucking overwhelmed. the world is hopeless and im just going through the motions and keeping it all in because my feelings are inconvenient

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archersartcorner · 1 year

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A WIP of a comic thingy I’m workin on cus I’m impatient. Sometimes you have an OC who’s specifically there to be inserted into universes where Your Blorbo Needs A Therapist. Doc Laanka’s got her work cut out for her with these two…

… kinda.

#my wips #I rly should just be writing fics at this point AHDVSH it’d be easier as far as these conversation heavy scenes go in my head #but also: what if I made my hand hurt by drawing everything individually #laanka again is kinda my universal therapist OC. in whatever universe I put her in she acts as a therapeutic outlet.#in general she’s pretty brain-focused in her studies. she’s usually some kinda neurologist on top of doing psychotherapy.#in ASO her job is primarily psychotherapy but she researches cerebroslugs in her available time. usually oversees individual research teams #she also doesn’t think of them as parasites and is more sympathetic to their existence. a lot of her clients are host&slug who want to-#-explore coexisting together.#which in my head is kinda how Norman and Skip get in contact with her. Norman reads about her and is like ‘oh I’ll shoot her an email’-#-and Skip decides No He Wants To Send The Email so skip just sends laanka an email that just says ‘therapy’. no grammar no punctuation-#-no context. and Norman nearly dies on the spot of embarrassment. Laanka gets back to them within the hour and she’s seen cerebroslug-#-emails before. she knows that’s probably what she’s dealing with. sends back an email like ‘hi anonymous :) yes I do offer therapy.#would you like me to send you some available times I have coming up? would love to know your name as well! - Dr. Laanka Noelle’#Norman decides that he’s gonna send the emails from now on Thank You Skip. Thanks bud HWBDHDH #anyway. I’ll get this done… eventually. I just think my man(s) could use therapy LMAO

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strewbi · 1 year

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nothing is funnier than how quick the girlies move in these 150 page romance novellas. This woman was like “I’ve just been so nervous of men since my horrible husband died, and this kind ranch hand is so reliable but every time he stands up I flinch because he’s so tall! I’ve often wondered if I could ever even feel things like attraction ever again!”

Ranch hand: your lips look like the sweetest berries

this woman, the second she has him alone, and I quote: “WOULD YOU LIKE TO FIND OUT?”

#the last one I read was like ‘how dare you steal me away in the dead of night to this snowed in cabin! You CAD!’#and they’re like having the conversation with her hand on his dick #like you open the book and there’s at the starting shot it’s like they sprint to shake off their traumas so that they can fuck #I love it. I wish mental health and mind blowing orgasms were a matter of just simply out pacing bad vibes. just keeping your knees up.#that’s what my therapist meant when she said I should add working out to my hierarchy of needs #because on the road to mental health you need horse power. I didn’t realize it was about milage.

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barry2018-2023 · 2 years

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v personal post but I feel like it's time I try to get back on meds I'm just so so scared to mess with my brain chemistry bc rn I'm functioning im going to work I'm paying my bills but I'm depressed and I'm anxious and I'm not thriving at all in a way that I feel like rly only meds could help with. but I'm scared of going through the whole thing of trying different meds and different doses and that something might mess with me enough that I totally collapse and lose my job or stop keeping up with the necessities. Like I live on my own now and I have a well paying job and there are more stakes in keeping my mental health stable than there have ever been, so idk if I should just accept the bare minimum and leave well enough alone.

#im so conflicted about it. ive only talked to my therapist about it a little bit #i think its hard for her to have a balanced conversation about it bc she thinks i should go on meds but she doesnt want to pressure me #bc ive specifically stated i dont want to go on meds in the past

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elytrafemme · 1 year

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it’s so strange how many people think i am like an open book about my life? because i feel like that mostly comes from me telling people extremely mild (imo) information and them taking it as a large confession. and like yes i have vaguely alluded to some heavier stuff but it’s like. i don’t know i wish people didn’t go around thinking oh mare doesn’t shut up about her trauma when it’s like the vast majority of events in my life i have never been able to fully tell anyone who wasn’t my therapist and likely never will be able to do that again.

#nightmare.personal #i just wish i could talk about my first relationship #i really do. because it explains so much about me #but it's like. the best ways to explain it are ways that don't really capture it or are too vague #i hate self pity and i do it so often and i know that it's selfish but it's like #i just. there's nobody i can tell?#because i don't trust people who say you can tell me anything because i know there are limits #and if a situation is bad enough for me to have a psychotic break for the first time in my life then i would say like #probably not conversation i can easily make over discord dms you know?#and yeah having my therapist know is cool. if any of the others were around then they would know and that helped a lot #like klav really did help. it hurt but having him there to talk about it or think about it made it easier #but now it's like. god i hate saying this but i wonder if my partner or ex maybe resent? me for it?#because they don't understand it but they must recognize on some level it ruined me #God. i am not going to impulse text my ex about this i WON'T but like.#i just wish people understood because God it's so fucking lonely #with only half the context people jump to conclusions and pick a good and bad one and it was never that #it was a situation that never should have happened #and i can't even tell people the origins of it because i know for a FACT my current friends online or irl would resent me for it #because i tried to play God. and it didn't work.#maybe I do text my ex i don't know. the living one not the one in this relationship i'm talking about lol.#but nobody is ever going to fucking understand it. nobody can absolve me of guilt because nobody knows what i did wrong #and nobody can blame me correctly because nobody knows what they had done #not even them

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