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#i dont know where im going to live in two months
rigaudon · 1 year
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I am holding myself together by a fucking thread and I just want it to break so i can get a break.
#i want to not be the fall guy for literally everything. i want some fucking nuance and to not be blamed for other people's actions#as well as my own. it's fucked up that im being told that it's both my fault for how i treated other people (valid and true)#and also being told that it's my fault for letting other people treat me the way they did and that i'm responsible for their actions too#just. so. tired.#just so tired. so. so. tired.#and people will see this and get mad at me and then that's my responsibility too#i want my animals to be okay#i want to be able to make rent and not owe my friends and family money#i dont know where im going to live in two months#i just want someone to care about me for me and not for what they think i should be#as if i am wrong or broken the way i am#why is forgiveness and understanding afforded to other people#while all i get is blame. always blame. it's my fault. i should have known better. the way i think or feel is narcissistic and fucked up.#over and over and over.#i dont want to leave my bunnies#my therapist does a lot of testing for autism and suggested i get tested myself#which i balked at initially because. idk. i don't... really like putting myself in boxes#but i brought it up with her this week and she gave me a referral to some places.#i dunno. maybe i'm desperately looking for something that people will actually take seriously#rather than telling me having adhd isn't an excuse for me to not be able to converse like a normal perspn#and that i can't have accommodations because 'that's how life is and it's not fair to everyone else to make exceptions for me'#the things i do for people i care about go unnoticed or get taken for granted#and i spend my whole life living to make other people happy/comfortable and compromise myself for it#and then when i advocate for myself i am being selfish and 'not everything is about you'. and just a complete rewriting of the things i do#i'm so tired. i'm lonely. i don't feel like im allowed to try and make new friends or reconnect with old ones#i should be posting this on my sideblog#fucking overwhelmed. the world is hopeless and im just going through the motions and keeping it all in because my feelings are inconvenient
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oatbugs · 9 days
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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samwisefamgee · 1 year
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god wants me to kill myself sooooo fucking bad lately lol nice try bitch im queer
#you dont even fuxking know#the number of. literally impossible coincidences that have taken place to make my life just so much shittier lately#i have been sooo strong ive written like two dozen text posts just bitching and bitching about the sheer fuxking insanity of it and i only#posted like one of them im doing so good being so strong#that said i want to fucking die today lol this shit is melting my brain#it just never ends#the past two weeks have just been... so bad lol#i havent been able to see my bank balance in weeks i just know im so in the fucking hole it doesnt even matter#i havent had a working phone in a month#my family just vacationed in hawaii and im living in a moldy trailer#and the physical and mental health just go and go and go#and the mold grows and groes and grows#my friend offered me a top of the line pc for free and it felt like offering a homeless guy who loves music a grand piano#like yeah lemme just keep that under the bridge downtown where i stay lol#itll be fine#its like all the nice things id love to experience are dangled just out of reach of my fuckin cell bars lol#might fuck around and get addicted to a third substance in light of hope being a fool's errand in a truly random universe#life isnt guarunteed to get better no matter how long you wait or how hard you try actually and that is a hard fucking truth for everyone#alcohol is free and can keep your mind off how much mold & dust you breathe daily & breathed in the past 2 years & thats also a hard truth#also reading this i need to clarify in case anyone else reads this shitsheet. i do not want to vacation in hawaii. colonizer shit#what i wouldnt fucking do for just a week up by priest lake tho :(
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wtylas · 1 year
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im going through a very heartbreaking thing rn and theres no way to explain it without seeming deranged.
#lasi.txt#so basically: followers of this blog will know that i like the young avengers#you may also recall that theyve been living in my brain for around 2 years now#that is the topic of this post: my daydreaming#the version of the young avengers in my brain was created on purpose i think. it was supposed to be a mcu version of the ya#because i started daydreaming about them when wandavision released and i learned about tommy and billy#the original version of this was very embarassing. notes on it live in my notion. the lineup included harvey keener and many champions.#in the past 2 years that 'storyline' has remained: everything going up in my brain is a show#there are 2 seasons where season 2 is divided into A and B and there is a movie#but also i imagined so much with my lineup. thats where my daydreaming kicks in.#my characters went through everything i went through in the past 2 but as actors in their show#in doing so they became entirely different characters and little versions of me. and theyve been with me. for two. full. years.#this isnt out of the ordinary to me. before this i have 3 different daydream stories that all stuck with me for months#these are constant daydreams. im always thinking of the same little people for months at a time.#but recently a new story has taken over. its a new story im developing#i like thinking about this new story a bunch but one day i realized that i wasnt thinking about the young avengers#something about that shattered my soul inside. these characters that live inside my brain that i will never write anything with are ME.#i dont want to lose them. but this is just a natural process that my own brain.#but i dont want to move on all of a sudden. there is so much that happened in my head with the young avengers#im fighting my own brain trying to bring back things my brain itself made but that my brain itself is trying to take away#i will probably think about the jewel guard (new story) for a few months if not years. but god..#and im not thinking of them anymore and i keep trying to and i just cant. im losing them#the feeling of my characters (that are not even mine) being taken away makes me want to throw up#these characters were ME. i gave them EVERYTHING. i gave them my fears and they turned them into confidence.#and let me remind you: this is all in my own brain.#goddddd. this is why the base text of this post is what it is cuz i really do sound crazy omg#there really is no way to explain all of this without sounding crazy
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k0kichiimagines · 1 year
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my dad has threatened to kick me out so many times it equally means nothing and worries me constantly at the same time LMAO
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straawberries · 4 months
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I AM GOING TO BE KICKED OUT IN 6 MONTHS AND I AM NOT MAKING MONEY FAST ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO AVOID HOMELESSNESS
hey girls its me again. ill.. try to keep this brief? as brief as i can atleast.
if you havent seen my previous posts, hi, my name is delilah, im an autistic transgirl system with ptsd thats living in an abusive household where im barely fed and am constantly miserable, and to top it all off, the second my birthday hits on JUNE 1 2024, i am going to be kicked out. i want to make around $2000 dollars before then, but i only have about $350 right now. at my current rate, i wont be able to reach my goal, and i dont know how im going to get housing if i dont. to repeat in big text so people pay attention:
if i do not get about $1700 more in donations before june 1 2024, i am going to be homeless.
im trying.. really hard to not give up but its looking bleak. because i live in a small town in texas where everyone knows that im an autistic trans loser, ive been unable to get a job, and ive been forced to do this. i dont enjoy being forced to rely on other people's kindness, but its the best and atp really the only option i have.
C*SH*PP - @delilahswagga
P*YP*L - @delilahkill
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i make pixel art too! dm me if youre interested, i do most things including furries/anthros, humans, chibi/dolls, backgrounds and scenes, and small animations
a lot of scams claiming things like this have been going around, so ill talk about myself some. click the readmore if you want to read that.
i have a really big love for performing, i fell in love with theatre years ago and performed the addams family musical as fester about a month ago as my biggest role on stage yet, and right now im in the process of getting ready for antigone as teiresius. i love music, and its one of my life goals to learn as many instruments as possible, and currently i own quite a few, though my favorites are my two ukuleles and my super cool electric guitar. i have 8 partners at the moment, and i have a very big desire to one day live with as many of them as i can. i pride myself on being the best partner i can be, and its been my goal to make all my partner's lives better (and i think ive been doing a good job at it :3)
i love cats an extreme amount, ive never had a cat myself (because my dad is insane and hates cats and tries to hit cats with his truck) but being around cats makes me super happy and always makes my anxieties go away, even when im having an anxiety attack or a panic attack. i really hope i can get a few cats one day, and i want to give them all silly food names :) my fursona is kind of a reflection of that, her name is bagel. some cat names ive thought of are mochi, chili, Supreme Pizza, or maybe french fry :)
im not sure if ill be able to achieve any of my goals if i dont get the financial support i need. ive been.. really close to giving up recently, but i dont want to have to do that, so im going to fight like this for as long as i can.
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avengersassemble123 · 4 months
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Princess
PAIRING: Dad!RAN HAITANI X Mom!READER, (DOMESTIC AU, PARENT AU) RAN AND READER ARE IN THEIR 30S. Genre: Fluff, Slight angst, Heartwarming, Slight crack at the end.
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You and Ran had two cute daughters, Reina, your eldest who was 4 years old, and Rimika, your newborn of 10 months.
You had picked up your kids from your parents house after you returned from work, after which you changed them into their nightwear and pajamas, serving them their dinners, before putting Rimika to sleep. As you put Rimika to sleep, you noticed your other daughter no where in her room, making you confused. After making sure your youngest was asleep, you walked into the living room, only to find your daughter, sitting on the couch with her legs spread, her blond small braids on her shoulders, her arms crossed, staring at a distance with a pout. You'd never lie that you two made exceptionally cute kids, but you had to figure out what was going on in your daughter's mind.
"What's on your mind sweetie?" You said, as you sat beside her on the couch, folding your legs up on the couch, your one hand resting on the top of the headrest, where you leaned your head against, while your other hand poked your daughter's cheek.
"Nothing..." Your daughter mumbled, the pout still not leaving her face, making you snort, "Are you sure? You can tell me if something's troubling you, okay? Im your mama, and ill help you no matter what, and so does daddy. So dont be shy or scared to tell us anything, because we are here for you."
"Okay.." Your daughter mumbled, making you more confused. Reina was an energetic and cheerful girl, but also surprisingly mature for her age. So it was an obvious surprise seeing your cheery baby be quiet and calm.
You two stayed in silence for a few moments, as you continued watching TV, since you were waiting for your husband to return home and have dinner together.
You could see Reina take glances at you, opening and closing her mouth for a few seconds. You didnt want to force her into telling you, as you wanted her to develop the trust for you from within her. After a few minutes you heard your daughter speak.
"Mama"
"Yea?"
"Why does Dada spend so much money?"
You looked amused at your elder daughter, Reina, as she looked cute with her head tilted slightly, eyebrows furrowed curiously.
"What do you mean?"
"Well...today at school, Mimi said that her mom scolds her for asking too much toys, and that she needs to grow more big and be a good girl to get more toys. But when i ask Dada to buy me something he gives me what i want. Does this mean I'm a bad girl?"
You then fully turn towards your daughter, lowering the voice of the TV, before speaking, "No sweetie, thats not completely true. Yes you need to be good girl and grow big to get some much cooler toys, but Dada buys you stuff because he loves you very much, and just wants you to be happy and see you smile."
Listening to this, your daughter's eyes sparkled, as she crawled and sat beside you, "Really?"
"Yes really"
Reina then put a finger on her lips in her thinking pose, as she sat facing towards you on the couch, "Why does Dada love us and Uncle Rindou so much then?"
You took a deep breath, thinking of how to exactly answer this question, "That's because when Dada was just like you, he didnt have anyone to love him and uncle Rindou, just like how Dada loves you. Thats why Dada gives you big warm hugs so that you know that he will always be there for you."
Reina crawled towards you more, as she hugged you by the waist, making you hug her as well, as you soothed her hair with your one hand. You decided to let her stay awake this time, as you knew she wanted to see her dad.
After half an hour, you heard a jingling of keys, before you saw the lilac haired man walk in, exhausted, his eyes glimmering as soon as it fell on you and your daughter.
Reina broke from your grasp, before rushing towards her father, yelling 'Daddaaa' as Ran kneeled down to catch her into a hug.
"Heyy Princess, I missed youuu." Ran said, as he picked her by both his hands and hugging her tightly, as you walked towards the father daughter duo, "Okay Reina, let Dada clean himself up before you yammer his ears out."
After Ran came out of the bedroom freshened up, he saw his daughter sat on the kitchen counter talking about her favourite cartoon, while you readied both of yours dinners, humming and replying to her conversation in between.
As Ran walked towards the kitchen, Reina spotted him, squealing and telling him to pick her up by signalling him by her wide open arms. He picked her up, balancing her by his hip and one arm, while the other held his plate, as you two settled on the couch.
As you three talked with each other, Reina twiddled with her braid, before asking,
"Dada i want to ask you something."
"What is it princess?"
"Does your Mama and Dada love you?"
You both looked at Reina surprised at the sudden question before looking at each other, wondering how to answer the question, before Ran took deep breath, looking towards the TV for a few seconds, before audibly exhaling, "Well sweetie, i dont have a mama or dada."
Reina tilted her head in confusion, "Why not dada? Where are they?"
"I don't know sweetie. Me and uncle Rindou don't know where they are."
"Why?" Reina prodded.
"Because my Mama and Dada didn't want me and uncle Rindou, so they threw us away."
Ran was used to it and was in terms with it since him and his brother were young, so he said it casually as if it was not a big deal. Reina pouted sadly, as she stopped twiddling with her blonde braid.
"Awwww" Reina said sadly, as Ran nodded, as he continued eating his food. "I know right. But now i not only have uncle Rindou, but your mama, Rimika and you as well now."
Reina stayed quiet for a few seconds before innocently looking into Ran's eyes.
"I want you Dada."
Ran stopped mid bite, as you both looked at her in surprise.
He could feel himself becoming warm, surprisingly feeling his eyes blur slightly, as he put down the spoon on his plate before tugging his baby towards him, "Come here pumpkin." Ran cooed, hugging Reina tightly as Reina reciprocated the hug, as she buried her face in his chest. Your heart swelled with warmth as you heard your daughter's heartwarming words, and the warm interaction between the father and daughter.
Ran and Rindou had to work their asses off before they were one of the toughest delinquents in Roppongi in their teens, and they were happy and enough with each other. So they didnt bother with their parents' absence majority of the times, but that also meant them having lack of parental affection as well.
Ran never thought about his future much until he met you, making you one of the few people he cared about, asides from Rindou and some of his friends. And now you gifted him with two beautiful daughter with equally beautiful hearts. And hearing his daughter's words, he never knew that such her few words would make him so vulnerable and loved, as if his inner child had been healed.
"I want you Dada. I love you."
"I love you too, so so so much princess, more than anyone can imagine." Ran said as he showered her face with kisses, not breaking the hug, as you rubbed your hand soothingly at his back.
"Dada will always be with you and would fight any bad guys trying to hurt my princesses."
Reina giggled as she was showered by her dada's attention and kisses. After finishing your dinners, Reina played with you both, as she kept on chatting and talking about her day in school, and how she got a star in her hand by the teacher for good job. Soon, unsurprisingly, she felt sleepy as she let out a yawn, making Ran moving to pick her.
"Dada i wanna play with you more."
"We'll play tomorrow. Now you're very sleepy."
"Awww I'm not. Pwease Dada." Reina whined as she wrapped her arms around Ran's neck and pulling him down, as she sat on the floor, whining, but her sleepy eyes saying otherwise.
"How about you go to sleep now and Ill tell you a bedtime story."
Reina blinked, as she thought about the offer before nodding and letting Ran pick her up, as she buried her face on his shoulder.
As he settled Reina in her bed, Ran told her a fairytale bedtime story, as Reina listened closely, before she felt her eyes droop.
As Ran saw her fall asleep, he soothed her head by his hand before kissing her on her forehead. He then kissed lightly on Rimika's forehead before walking out of the kid's room, and entering both of your's master bedroom, as you readied yourself to sleep.
As you both got on the bed, you had a slight smile on your face, as you placed a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, you okay?"
Ran looked at her, "Yea, in fact, im more than fine." Ran smiled genuinely, which made you kiss him on the cheek.
"im glad. Reina really does love you a lot, sometimes even more than me which makes me jealous. A complete Dada's girl. I wont even be surprised if even Rimika would favor you more." You joked, as Ran snorted lightly, as you both sat leaning against the headboard of the bed.
"Well its the Haitani genes, baby? What did you expect? Im the cooler parent obviously" Ran smirked, making you playfully roll your eyes.
We sat for a few seconds in silence, before Ran spoke up, "I was thinking of taking a holiday from work tomorrow, and spend some time with the kids. Ill inform Rindou about it"
"I think thats a good idea as well, its been a while, and Reina and Rimika did miss you a lot. But inform Rindou now, because we both know damn well you wont wake up early in the morning, and even if you do, you'll become a grumpy old man."
Ran rolled his eyes, at your comment, reaching towards his phone by the bedside table. "You are just proving my point the more you roll your eyes."
"Watch your tongue woman." Ran glared playfully, as he texted Rindou about his leave, before setting the phone aside, wrapping his hands around your waist, as you switched off the bedside lamps and laid down on the bed to sleep. Ran snuggled you towards him, your back towards his chest, as you could feel his chest moving.
"By the way, you need to stop spoiling your kids more. We already have a mini you in the form of our eldest daughter, and if you spoil her more, she's gonna turn into a brat."
"What wrong with a mini me? Im great."
you turned around, facing him, your eyebrows raised, giving him a 'really' look, "No offense, but i cannot let our daughter inherit your personality of all people."
"I have a great personality woman, what are you talking about. Im charming, fun and easy going."
"You have a shitty personality."
"Oh yea? Bold words coming from the woman who married and had sex with this personality, not to mention, have two kids."
You rubbed your fingers at the bridge of your nose as you sighed, knowing he had a point, as Ran smirked, his droopy eyes lit up in amusement.
"Fine, just dont spoil them too much. As it is Reina has started throwing tantrums more than usual, i dont want her to continue like this."
Ran raised his eyebrow amusingly, as he calmly and jokingly spoke, "Reina doesnt throw much around me though?"
"Of course she won't, she knows you'll give her anything you want."
"And that i will always do, no matter what. She's my little princess after all."
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cosmicpoutine · 1 month
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leaving a lil rant here :]
I love Tim and his ships sm. Me personally, I only really ship TimKon. Those two are perfect for eachother and have so much clear queer coding that it’s crazy, and they have dialogue that’s just. gay shaped.
I also get TimBart, I don’t ship it romantically but I get why people do!! Tim and Bart are close as well, and the balance they get between ‘depressed tired wet cat’ and ‘living breathing embodiment of adhd’ is great.
I also get TimBartKon, they’re a trio. They are always a trio, so many people like to bring up how TimKon has so much coding and one of the big examples they use is when Tim tried to clone Kon. You know who else he tried to clone? Bart.
The only Tim ship I don’t get is TimBern, or any ship involving those two. When Bernard first appears, he’s Tim’s bully. He actively makes fun of tim and puts him down and then that character is forgotten about until Tim comes out as bi, then they just rework his character and go “haha guys this is his boyfriend not bully ygs are crazy” and just forget about all the bad stuff Bernard did? Reworking a character is great and all but, it just feels a bit weird and out of place for me. There’s always going to be that certain toxicity for TimBern, at least for me.
homie... bully??? im flabbergasted- im speechless- im jason todd (dead)
okay, im gonna start off by saying you have all the right to not ship them, and im not here to defend timbern as a ship. im here to defend BERNARD DOWD.
first thing bernard does is give tim advice about teachers, and he clearly says they're gonna be good friends.
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if bernard was a bully, tim wouldn't hang around him so much. besides, i hate it when people place tim as a helpless little boy who would get bullied. he has put himself in situations where he looks weak on purpose to keep his identity safe, but he's not a victim at all. tim is a social butterfly because he's really good at masking and reading people.
not to mention, both bernard and darla push tim a lot because they're trying to get him to open up and be closer to them, but he keeps pushing them away. tim is a professional liar.
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and when tim has to quit robin and start hanging out with normal people, he invites bernard over.
and bernard is acting relatively normal, and he wants to play video games and talk about how hot tim's stepmom is.
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bernard is a normal teenager who has no idea one of his friends is the hero he's so obsessed with. he even shows concern for robin dying and makes up an entire conspiracy theory about batman havin a robin orphanage. you can tell he's afraid of robin being gone for real because at this point they haven't seen robin in months bc tim retired.
i dont know what about all of these interactions gave you the vibe that he's a bully because all i see is a normal teenager teasing his friends and being jealous tim gets more bitches.
im not saying that bernard was never mean or weird around tim, but he definitely wasn't actively bullying tim.
bernard is obnoxious and cocky, yes. but thats just because they wrote him as a real person. he's the school's chameleon, maybe even a little bit of a loser, too. he knows everyone but keeps a safe distance so that he doesn't get pushed into a box. im not sure if, at this point, he was already in a cult or being indoctrinated, but when we see his parents and the dowd home in tim drake: robin that just doesn't look right.
also homie talk about "forgetting all the bad things bernard did" (which in my opinion is none but okay lets follow that logic) everyone forget about all the bad things batman did to tim, he was not a kind and loving mentor, he was cruel to both tim and steph. we forget that batman was kind of an asshole to damien in the beginning. all those things are forgotten for the sake of the batfam.
in conclusion: we're just so used to the idea that superheroes can only ever form strong friendship bonds by having near death experiences together that we forget that the secret identifies exist and that the people who know them by their legal name also means a lot to them. after all, these people are the reason why they're heroes.
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skinny dipping // theodore nott x fem reader
playlist: skinny dipping - sabrina carpenter
"itd be so nice right? if we could take it all off and just exist and skinny dip in water under the bridge"
summary: y/n and theo have known eachother their whole lives but when sorted into different houses and fears of unrequited feelings take over , they lose their bond- but not really.
no real skinny dipping just the song LMAO its metaphorical , ravenclaw reader , use of y/n , fluff , childhood friends wtih obvious feelings
masterlist
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it was just any other weekend on the hogsmeade trip when you heard the barista of the small cafe you sat in call out his name.
"theo!" she said , placing down a black coffee and moving on to serve more people , but you left your eyes burning holes into the cup.
until his hand went to grab it , giving a quiet and dull thanks before moving over towards the tables , where you sat - not noticing you yet.
you quickly moved your eyes away and pretended to be busy when his body turned in your direction , your acting cut off by your name being called in a voice you could hardly recognise.
"y/n?" he said as you looked up to see him stood infront of your table.
you took your time to study his face , he looked so different it was terrifying , he wasnt the same eleven year old boy you were attached to. but you werent so suprised by how he looked , you always watched him from afar.
"hey.." you let out softly , smiling at him anxiously.
it seemed weird to be anxious around your best friend , except you werent really best friends anymore , just two stanger with memories. memories you can never forget.
"we go to the same school but ive not seen you in ages!" he said excited by your appearance.
"really cause i see you everyday" you chuckled as he laughed too , sitting in the chair in front of you.
"yeah well you know i have bad eyesight," he shrugged with a bright grin.
"how could i forget , having to read everything at a distance to you as kids was a daily occurance" you both laughed as you forget all of your past worries.
"no seriously , its really good to see you , i dont know why we stopped talking anyways!" theo smiled.
you sat in silence for a second , you knew exactly why. the second you gained feeling for theodore at the end of first year you immediatly ghosted him for the next 5 years- and here you are now , sitting opposite the boy you never really got over.
"yeah...well how are you theodore?" you gave him your best smile.
"merlin dont call me that , its theo or dory , remember the name you came up with when we were 5!" his eyes sparkled in the nostalgia.
"i still have no idea where i got that nickname from," you both laughed.
"anyways , im okay. i was having a bit of a shitty day but its better now ," he replied.
"oh really , what happened?"
"nothing just boring studying for exams and my friends were all busy, but i guess it was fate that i came in here," he grinned at you as you felt your heart melt. this was exactly why you stopped talking to him , he could make you go crazy and not even know.
"yeah , so you could run into your shy ravenclaw friend you havent talked to in 5 years," you laughed.
"5 years 1 month and 12 days," he said as your laughing ceased, "i counted the days , i....i really missed you."
your whole demanor softened as you watched him stare down at your coffees unable to hold eye contact , "theodore i wouldve talked to you sooner if you said you wanted to talk .i know i kinda iced you out but im always here."
"i know bella , i just guess something changed that day , you...changed," he said softly.
"yeah well you did too theo , not talking was best for us , we needed to grow and be our own people," you reached out to hold his hand , not realising your seperation had effected him.
"i kinda lied when i said i hadnt seen you , i...well i find you every day, to make sure youre okay," he admitted with a maroon blush across his cheeks, "i guess i hoped you looked out for me too."
"of course i did, i still do. just because we dont talk doesnt mean you arent important to me theo."
he stared into your eyes , seeing his sadness begin to fade and be replaced with a fond adoration as you gazed back in the same haze. looking at him in this way didnt help with your unrequited-
"i love you," he whispered never once breaking eye contact.
your jaw dropped in suprise , "t-theo do you mean..."
"i love you and i always have , the day you stopped talking to me i think a part of me died or something. do you not realise how my friends seem to bully everyone but you? how im at all of your quidditch pratices and games? do you not wonder why no guys approach you? they all fucking pity my unrequited pining," theodore dropped his head and let go of your hand , frustration building up.
"theo," you gained his attention as he hesitantly brought his eyes back up to meet yours , "i love you too, more than words could describe. i guess i just thought youd never like me that way so i left you alone. i couldnt deal with my own feeling and i let it out on you im sorry-"
"dont say sorry bella," he said softly as he held the side of your face , tracing his thumb across your cheek softly, "water under the bridge?"
you smiled at him , holding the hand that rested on your blushed cheek , "water under the bridge."
stream skinny dipping by sabrina carpenter
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astra-kamari · 2 months
Note
Anything Aang or Sokka related!!
I need my fix I just want some Aang or Sokka fluff please and thank you(there is not enough💀)🙏🙏!
So real for that-there really is not enough.
Im going to make this place your home
Summary- After the war you have no where to go so Sokka takes you to the southern water tribe and tries to help you find your nee home
A/n-Was listening to home by philip philips and got inspired, kind of all over the place but here ya go.
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The war was over. That was it-you had won. You still couldn’t believe it, Aang took away Ozai’s bending-Zuko was fire lord, all was right.
Except that it wasn’t. You had no where to go, nobody to go home to. All of your family was dead, and you didn’t have friends outside of the Gaang.
They were all so exited to go home, why wouldnt they be? They had something to go home to. You were happy for them, you really were. It just hurt that they wouldn’t need you anymore. You would all go your separate ways and you’d be alone again.
You were on a balcony at the fire nation palace, full, and with clean cloths for the first time in who knows how long. You looked out at the sky and sighed. It hurt knowing they would all leave, everyone had their own lives.
Aang was the literal avatar, leaving to help where he could.
Suki had gone back to the Kioshi warriors.
Zuko was a very busy fire lord, trying to rebuild in Ozais wake.
Katara and Sokka were going to rebuild the southern water tribe.
Thats what hurt the most, Sokka was going to leave you. You had seen it coming, nothing lasts forever. He had a life to get back to and he would leave you behind. You let a tear fall down your face, looking down at the ground.
“Y/n?” You hear from the room behind you. “Y/n!”
You turn to greet an ecstatic Sokka, quickly wiping away your tears.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere! We are all going to go-“ he stoped as soon as he saw your face.
“Whats wrong?” He asks calmly grabbing your hand.
“Its nothing don’t worry about it” you say smiling up at him.
“Hey, no. No, dont you do that.”
“Do what” you ask innocently.
“That, pretending your feelings dont’t matter, pushing them aside. I’ll ask again. Whats wrong.”
You just look up at him, you weren’t ready to break, not yet. You rushed forward and hugged him, burying your face into his neck. Tears threatening to fall once more. You two stayed like that for what seemed like forever. You didn’t want to let go, you were scared he was going to leave you for good.
“You know the Gaang is waiting for us?” He says as you look up at him.
“Really? Why?”
“We are all going to take one last ride on Appa, before we separate for a few months.”
“Thats great! Lets go” you say putting your smile back on. At least you could pretend that your world wasn’t crashing down on you.
He pulls you back, “i know that theres something wrong, but we can talk later, when your ready.” He gives you a kiss then pulls you down stairs to the rest of the group.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
This was it, the day you were dreading. Evryone was going to leave today. And you still weren’t sure where you would go. You didn’t want to go back to roaming the earth kingdom, but thats all you’d ever done. Town to town, what else were you supposed to do?
You were standing in the balcony once again, looking at the ships waiting on the beaches to take your friends away. You hear a door behind you. You turn and see Sokka, all his bags packed, either an unreadable expression on his face. You weren’t ready, you had been mentally preparing yourself for this moment, and you still weren’t ready.
“Y/n? Um, we need to talk” he said nervously. “Everyone leaves today, im going back to the south pole…”
“You dont need to say it”
“I dont?” He looks surprised.
“No, ive seen this coming. I knew you would have to break up with me and go back to your tribe.”
Now he just looked confused. “Break up? Wait you want to break up?”
“No! But i thought thats what you were going to do? Dont you have to go back to your people?”
“No! Well yes, but no! Thats not what I was doing.”
“Oh”
“Yeah…”
It was quiet for a minute.
“So” you pushed.
“Right, so um.” He took a deep breath. “You know how you dont have anywhere to go?”
“Yep, thanks for the reminder.”
“Thats nit what i ment- i just. Doyouwanttocometothesouthernwatertribeandstaywithme?” He rushed out in one sentence.
“What?” You laughed.
“Do you want to come and live in the southern water tribe with me?” He looked up nervously at you.
You were shocked. Was this really happening? You didn’t have to be alone! You must have been stuck in your head because he cleared his throat.
“You dont have to of course. I was just thinking-“
“Sokka-“
“That it would be fun and-“
“Sokka”
“And you didnt have anywhere else to go-“
“I-“
“And I’ve already checked with katara and my dad and they’d love to have you-“
Sokka!”
“There and it would be awesome so-“ you kissed him-the only way to get him to shut up.
You pulled back and looked up at him. “I love to”you smiled before pulling him in again.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
After a week or two of sailing, you had finally reached the southern water tribe. To say you were exited would be an understatement, with all of the stories Sokka told you, you couldn’t wait.
Sokka walked up and hugged you from behind. “You exited?”
You turn your head and kiss him on the cheek. “Of course! What are we gonna do first!”
“Well first we need to unpack” he says laughing as you pout.
“Where am i gonna stay?” You asked, you’d thought about it a lot and didn’t want to overthink anymore.
“My hut..if thats alright? Of course we could have another one made for you, if you’d prefer?”
“Your hut sounds perfect.” You smiled, you were happy to finally have a home.
You and Sokka got all unpacked and went out for a walk. The ice was beautiful like you’d never seen.
“I was thinking, maybe we would go see the-.”You looked up to him. “Actually it’s going to be a surprise.”
“Sokkaaaaa.” You whined “you know i hate surprises!”
“This will be a good one i promise.”
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
You and Sokka left when it was dark and no one was around. You quietly tip toed out of the village towards huge glaciers.
It had been a while of hiking and you were starting to get tired. “Sokka how much farther?”
“Not far just trust me.”
You hiked in silence until he stopped looking up at the sky. “This should be good enough”
You looked at him puzzled. He laid down and pulled you down with him. You rested your head on his chest, happy with the surprise.
“Look up.” He whispered. You looked up and saw thousands of lights dancing through the sky. So many colors, alls different shapes and sizes. There were colors you had never dreamed of, it was breathtaking.
“Sokka it’s beautiful.” You whispered, captivated by the beauty. You both lay there for a while in a peaceful silence.
Until Sokka sat up, pulling you with him. You were so close your foreheads were touching. “I know you never felt like you’ve had a home.” He says as he gives you a kiss. “But im gonna make this place your home.”
And you never felt alone again.
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luvhughes43 · 8 months
Text
daddy? | dad!trevor zegras x reader
luvhughes43 masterlist🌙
request: Could I please request a Trevor fic? Maybe taking place rn where he posts a picture of his girlfriend and their two freshly born twin girls? Like he kept his gf and the pregnancy a secret but decides to just announce I after they are born and everyone sort of losses it? Could just be fluffy but for a little more angst the public reacts badly because he is somewhat young and his public persona doesn’t scream “responsible dad” to them.
trevorzegras
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liked by ynuser, jackhughes, jamie.drysdale, and others
trevorzegras 03/08/23 💗💗
tagged: ynuser
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jackhughes best kept secret of all time
jamie.drysdale dad
jackhughes daddy
liked by trevorzegras
ynuser ❤️❤️❤️
user11 who let trevor fcking zegras get them pregnant😭😭😭
user44 FRRR😭😭😭😭 
user38 trevor has..k..kids… and they’re not mine? this doesn’t seem right 
user99 i’m sorry is anyone else concerned for these kids? like trevor is so unserious and he’s also in the nhl.. like how is he going to take care of them? he can barely drive a car and now he has TWINS?? with a girl weve never even seen either? he probably got her pregnant during a 1 night stand and is just now taking responsibility because he can get attention from it...
user73 ??? do u know trevor personally? maybe yn likes her privacy? u don’t know their lives. i’m sure he’s a great dad. u don’t have to be so hateful over people you do. not. know.
user61 uhmmm… okay…
user12 what ?
user61 he’s barely 22 how’s hes gonna be a good dad? to twins no less. boy only cares about hockey and his weed😭 he’s not gonna be a father to nobody’s kids even if she is really pretty😭😭😭
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a few months later...
ynuser
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liked by trevorzegras, jackhughes, and others
ynuser nothing but smiles🫶
tagged: trevorzegras
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trevorzegras my whole heart❤️
ynuser we love you so much!
_quinnhughes the cutest kids
liked by ynuser, and trevorzegras
user88 quinn hates trevor but he loves the kids😭😭
_quinnhughes the kids haven’t done anything wrong
trevorzegras ?? what i have done wrong😭😭
_quinnhughes be annoying❤️
user55 awwww😭😭😭😭🫶🫶
trevorzegras
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liked by ynuser, colecaufield, lhughes_06, and others
trevorzegras the babies are growing up🥲❤️
tagged: ynuser
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ynuser theyre getting so big🥹🥹
trevorzegras i need them to stop growing fr
jackhughes can u bring them over soon? they dont like when i watch bluey without them
user22 JACK A BLUEY STAN CONFIRMED???
trevorzegras jackhughes 🫡🫡
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ynuser
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liked by trevorzegras, jamie.drysdale, jackhughes, and others
ynuser mom and dad night out🥂
tagged: trevorzegras
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trevorzegras my love❤️
ynuser ❤️❤️
jamie.drysdale please go out more so i can babysit the kids
trevorzegras its not even fair they behave so well for u😭
ynuser jamies the baby whisperer fr
user10 STOPP jamie babysits for them?? thats so cute wtff
user41 notice how hes on his phone.. yeah he doesnt like her at all😭
ynuser he was taking pictures of me? lol
user11 u guys are so cute together im ngl lie😭
user87 MOM AND DAD
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blarshwritezz · 18 days
Note
hi if u dont mind i would love a mafia x male spy reader (gn if you ur not comfy with that) so the mafia boss pretends to be the mission partner for the reader just for fun he almist kileed the reader on multiple occasions but the reader misunderstands and thinks that the mafia boss was just helping him albeit in a weird and rather violent way and although reader has a suspicion that his partner (the mafia boss) isnt who he says he is due to skme odd similarities between him and the target of his mission (that being the Mafia boss) and the fact that his partner could easily waltz in notorious criminals manors and party and one day everything just clicks for the reader and they try to escape but the mafia boss knew thus so he kidnapped em and the live happily ever after (idk how to end this so just do what you deem fit ty!!!)
(oh yeah its fine if ur not comfortable or just don't want to make my request im not paying you so you hqbe no obligations to do so remember to take care of yourself <333 /p)
(and if i could could i become 🦀 anon)
Yes! Welcome, 🦀 anon!
Yandere Mafia Boss x Spy Reader
M yan x gn reader (sorry, I prefer to do gn for non-nsfw asks)
TW - general yandere behavior, drugging, implied kidnapping
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Your mission was simple, at least on paper. Simply gain intel on a notorious mafia boss. But if it was that easy, you wouldn't have been working at it for so long.
It didn't help that your partner for this mission was...unusual. Not a bad guy, really, just strange. Sometimes you almost thought he was trying to kill you. You'd often catch him staring at you. You even felt his gaze when you swore no one was around.
Not to mention, danger was ever prevalent around him. He always managed to save you, though. But his face did often look rather annoyed...you just assumed he was one of those people with a really bad rbf.
But it was also suspicious how he was able to so easily and casually waltz into the homes or parties of very high-profile people. People you'd never be able to get near without months of careful planning. Maybe he just had good connections?
But all these coincidences were getting a bit too...convenient. If you needed to get in somewhere, he got you in the front gate. If you needed something, he miraculously had it only a day or two after at the latest.
And worst of all, you still haven't managed to track down this damn mafia boss! It didn't help that nobody knew what he looked like.
"Maybe he's right under your nose." His deep voice startled you out of your thoughts. His arm was wrapped around your shoulder, holding you close. Despite his cold exterior, he was pretty touchy and clingy. But...sort of sweet. You were glad to have met him, even if this mission was looking like a bust.
"But where? Where haven't we checked?"
"Well, our organization may be high security, but not impossible to infiltrate for a man like that." Was he implying that one of your own coworkers could be your target? Impossible!
But...now it all seemed to come together. Those coincidences...weren't just coincidences. He really has been right under your nose this whole time.
No wonder he could go wherever he wanted and get anything he desired. He had power and influence...more than you thought.
"I-Impossible! Our organization has the highest security possible! I'd know if someone like that could be...beside me..." It was a sad attempt to cover up your newest theory, but also to try and reassure yourself. If this was true, then you weren't as good of a spy as you thought...
You got up, or tried to at least. He kept his grip tight on you.
He knew.
"I can't just let you go now. You know my identity. So I'll just have to keep you as my newest little toy." In seconds his arm lowered to prevent you from moving your arms as he quickly used his other to cover your mouth and nose with a rag.
Chloroform.
"Just sleep...Be a good pet and I'll be sure to reward you very well..." Despite your struggling, sleep soon took you. No one ever heard from you again...no one but him, of course.
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I'm sorry, this one feels so rushed and short, I was having a tough time getting inspired 😭
Forgive me, 🦀 anon, for I have failed
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nr1chaedickrider · 5 months
Text
???
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i got this idea MONTHS ago, i got finally motivation to continue this small drabble, read on your own risk, toxic!namochaeng (chae is kinda the nice one in this?), innocent!reader, idk if what happens here is 100% consentual, thigh riding, exhibitionism,use of drugs (im not an expert on this topic so dont cry if this is unrealistic) stay away from drugs pookies and also maybe this is the only time ill write something like this idk idk! im experimenting with my writing style
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It was stupid, it is stupid.
Maybe you're just stupid for listening to Chaeyoung when she said "Come visit us in our apartment, I got something we can use. Unless you're scared."
And actually, the goal was just to make new friends at the university, but you didn't think you'd be standing in front of the door of an apartment that's quite far away from the university. A pungent smell hits your nose and you frown. Should you really be here? Was it really a good idea to be standing in front of an old apartment at 11 pm where three women you hardly know live?
But you can no longer think about it as Nayeon opens the door for you, a grin on her lips.
She yells through the apartment,
"Chaeyoung! She really came!" Nayeon lets out a giggle, the only thing you can make out is Momo in the background, you think that's her name, giving Chaeyoung $20.
"We made a bet, looks like she's about $40 richer now," Nayeon says, pulling you inside before slamming the door. She runs to Chaeyoung and gives her $20 too, you think you've never seen her so happy.
"Do you want to join us too? Or would you rather stand there?" she says and laughs, Momo laughs too, Nayeon takes a sip from her beer. You shake your head and walk over to Chaeyoung and sit down on the floor. Now it really hits you.
A joint, four lines of cocaine, and a few cans of beer are on the table.
"Oh," is your only reaction as you stare at the substances.
"I'm Momo, we're not in the same class but I study sports," she says, an actually nice smile on her lips.
"You already know Nayeon, you two have English together right?" Chaeyoung asks, you nod and Nayeon immediately starts laughing out loud.
"Don't be shy dear..." she holds the joint to her lips and slowly takes a drag, she exhales and a small cloud of smoke forms. She looks at you and holds the joint out for you to take a drag.
"Ehm... I-"
"Are you telling me you've never smoked a joint before?" Chaeyoung asks as she looks at you both, Momo just quietly sips her beer. You nod and look at the floor, Chaeyoung laughs a little, but then pulls you onto her lap and takes the joint.
"I can show you," she says, and at that moment it feels like she's the normal nice girl from your art class who you might have a little crush on. You nod.
"I'm going to take a drag and blow the smoke towards you, you inhale it, okay?" You nod again.
You watch as her plump lips touch the joint, she takes a puff, and as announced, she blows it towards you, you inhale it and cough, Nayeon pats your back to help, Momo comes closer.
Only now do you realize what the situation is actually like, you on Chaeyoung's lap, on her bare legs because she's only wearing shorts, Nayeon so close to your right, Momo to your left. You feel yourself blush and everyone starts laughing at the sight of you being so confused.
"Try it yourself now..." Chaeyoung says and hands you the joint, you look at her, then at the small joint between your fingers.
"I don't know..." you say and look away, Nayeon grabs your chin, but somehow so gently. She lifts it up so that you're forced to look atleast to one of them. Your eyes fall on Chaeyoung. Nayeon comes closer and whispers in your ear,
"You don't want to let us down, do you? We're your friends." she whispers, but loud enough for Momo and Chaeyoung to hear, both grinning and nodding.
"She's right, we don't want anything bad for you, a little fun never hurt anyone" Momo says, you look to the cocaine on the coffee table.
"What about this...?" you ask, Chaeyoung laughs.
"I don't know if we'll get to that today" she says, you nod slowly.
You take the joint between your fingers and bring it to your lips, slowly taking a drag, your eyes water slightly and you have to start coughing as little puffs of smoke come out. Nayeon caresses your back, Chaeyoung your thighs, her cold hands on your warm body sends a shiver down your spine.
"Well done," she says, you feel yourself getting a little dizzy, but you try to ignore it.
"See, it wasn't that hard," says Momo, taking the joint out of your hand as she takes the last puff.
You suddenly feel a finger on your skirt, you look at Chaeyoung and see her smile, again the one she usually only showed in class when you were working together. You smile slightly too as you relax (you're not sure though if its because of the smoking or because you feel safe..),
Nayeon's hands are on your waist, she moves you back and forth on Chaeyoung's lap, you hold a hand in front of your mouth to keep your voice down, Momo starts kissing your neck, her lips moist and soft.
"Don't hide your moans, pretty girl.." Chaeyoung says, taking your hand away, she lets you hold it as she tenses up her thigh, adding extra stimulation.
Momo's hands move down to play with your tits through your thin shirt, your nipples getting hard immideatly, making Momo let out a breathy chuckle.
Nayeon keeps her attention to rocking your hips back and forth on Chaeyoung's thigh.
"You're doing so good" Chaeyoung says as she watches you, the praise making your head even fuzzier than it already is.
You feel your body going a little limp, hoping that is normal while smoking. You moan quietly while holding onto Chaeyoung's hand, your body twitching when your clit hits her thigh in a certain angle.
"Are you close baby?" Nayeon asks, you nod as your grip on Chaeyoung's hand gets tighter, making her giggle a little. Nayeon begins to move you faster, like a little toy with no ability to move on its own.
You bite your lower lip as your moans get louder and you feel yourself getting closer, Momo praising you as she pinches your nipple and kisses your neck, biting it a little to leave marks.
"I'm-" you start saying uncohorent things as you cum onto Chaeyoung's thigh. Twitching and gripping her hand until you slowly stop moving and fall down on her chest, passing out immideatly.
"We should've been friends earlier.." she says and the other girls agree with a smirk, looking at the untouched cocaine.
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twipsai · 4 months
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god, this took me DAYS to make, but i finally finished my interpretation of Dedf1sh and Paul throughout the years!!! some notes under the cut lol
2015
Ahato and Marina are childhood friends, Marina was even there for her when her parents passed. Marina helped her take care of Paul when they were growing up to the point that Paul considered her a second big sister. this, of course, changed when
the two worked on music together when Ahato wasnt working (which she got increasingly busier up until she left to go to kamabo), and the melody for Chopscrewey and Crush were made by them during this time!
while Paul was a musical genius, he did struggle in school quite a bit as his creative drive often overwrote his working drive :P
the skull/octo logo is a logo they made for themselves for when they got to the surface and formed a band together
Ahato dropped out of school to work full-time to support her and Paul (which,,, isnt very uncommon for octarian families)
2017
the Kamabo sanitization program (tm) requires patients to remove strings such as shoelaces and hoodie strings from their clothing to reduce the risk of them trying to strangle themselves or each other, which is why Ahato doesnt have shoelaces
Paul didnt go to the surface until he was recruited to Sashimori, and started living with the three of them
Ahato has amnesia, she knows she had a family, but cant quite remember who they were or where she even came from. most of her memories are muscle memory, which is why she remembers how to make music and such
Ahato cant hear anything around her-- she wont become out-right aggressive when approached like most sanitized octos are, but she will be a little jittery and on-guard
2022
im not really prepared to say too much about Ahato/Acht here bc of how little we know about her role in side order as of writing this (1/7/2024)
Paul has mostly moved on from trying to find Ahato, while he does wish they could be reunited, a lot of his memories of that time have become fuzzy... he wouldnt be able to recognize her face if he saw it.
Ahato's dress got ripped when she first left kamabo (which was a few months after octo expansion)-- she found some red thread to stitch it up and lace up her shoes! :D
on that note, the addition of more red in her design is to symbolize how more and more memories of her life are resurfacing-- same thing with being able to see her eye on her visor
also her eye is supposed to look like a turret from portal lol
Paul regularly commutes from inkopolis to splatsville-- i think he went crazy for the alterna tracks when they were first recovered lol
andddd,,, thats it!!! if you have any questions about my headcanons for these two, feel free to ask in my inbox!!! though i dont have EVERYTHING fleshed out yet, im still waiting for side order to release before i figure it all out ^^;
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thelov3lybookworm · 6 months
Text
To Love and Cakes
Summary: Y/n is the daughter of a flower and gardening tools shop's owner in Velaris. When he gets sick, y/n makes her father take some rest and looks after the small shop herself. But she is new to all this as her father never let her work a day in her life.
One day, as she's looking after the shop, a red haired high fae comes looking for gardening gloves as a gift to someone. Y/n helps him, and learns that he is a frequent customer.
Due to his frequent visits, they soon develop a bond. More than friends, but not lovers.
Yet.
•○●⛦●○•
Tw: i dont think there are any but still, here we go. elain being a sour and jealous mate even though she's been sailing on the elriel ship, a few curse words and all. Can't think of anything else, so let me know if i need to add anything.
A/n: this thing has been in my draft for faxing months. This is, to me, the best work of mine. This is my baby. I LOVED writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it.
(ps. even if youre not a lucien girlie, try reading it. i have a secret agenda to make every one of you creatures a lucien simp, just like im trying to make @artists-ally a lucien simp)
(also, the scene towards the end where reader is dancing was inspired by one of the fbaa books, if it seemed familiar or you were wondering)
t'is a long one children, Enjoy!
•○🌑○•
As Y/n finished walking around the store, cleaning, she thought back to the morning two days ago.
She had just woken up and was walking towards her father's kitchen for breakfast when she heard it. A cough. She quickened her pace, entering the kitchen to find her father bent over, his body heaving from the coughs.
She rushed to him, helping him to the nearest chair. When she bought him some water, he smiled up at her gratefully.
"How many times do I have to tell you to take some rest, father? Why won't you let me help you?"
"I might be getting old, but not that old that I need to rely on my daughter to help me earn. Unless you are trying to steal my shop?"
"Father!" She said, exasperated, even though she knew he was just saying that to irritate her. "You are staying home till you get better. I'll take care of the shop."
"But you don't know anything about it." At the glare she gave him, he finally conceded. "Let me help for today atleast. Show you how to handle it. I promise I'll rest."
She had come to visit and stay with her father for some days, having just quit her previous job, searching for a new one. They were well off, the house that Y/n lived in owned by her. She had wanted to see if her father needed any help around. Which he didn't. He wasn't very old and ill by any means, he just didn't know when to stop. That's why she had already made her father agree to closing the store earlier and taking the weekends off.
As Y/n put away the cleaning equipment in the back of the store, the bell above the door rang, announcing the arrival of a customer. As she hurried to the front desk, she caught a glimpse of the beautiful male that was waiting from behind a shelf.
He had dark crimson hair cascading over his shoulder that looked like fire, with one russet eye and one that was a golden metal one, which was whirring. A scar marred the skin surrounding that eye and trailed to his jaw.
Y/n quickly averted her gaze when she realised she was staring. He hadn't yet noticed her though, looking around the shop. She stepped out from behind the shelf and cleared her throat.
He turned to her at once, giving her a warm smile.
"Hello. How can I help you today?" She asked with a small smile.
"I'm looking for enchanted gardening gloves."
She wracked her brain for the location of said gloves before perking up. "Right this way." As she led the way, he followed a respectful distance away. To fill the silence, she spoke up. "Are you from Night Court? You don't seem like you're from here."
"Yes. I'm from... Autumn Court." His hesitation was evident, and Y/n didn't push.
"Here we are." She said, stopping in front of the gloves stacked neatly on a shelf. She left him alone when he nodded.
She began sorting out her desk, her father's, really, which was near the entrance to the shop.
By the time she finished, the male was done with his browsing and bought out the gloves to the desk to pay for them. The whole ordeal went silently and quickly. With a word of thanks and a 'good day', he was on his way.
•○🌑○•
Lucien's pov.
He stared at her. His mate.
He wondered if, under other circumstances, she would have not despised him. Could she have ever loved him the way others loved their mates? Would the two of them be together if there was no cruelty in this world?
He answered those himself.
The first one? Probably.
The second one? Maybe.
The third one? No.
Because, if there was no cruelty in this world, his love, one his father had killed, would not be dead. Jesminda would be alive still. And if she was alive, he wouldn't care for anything, even his own mate.
And maybe that made him an asshole, but he couldn't bring himself to care as he stared at Elain smiling at the Shadowsinger from the corner of the room, nursing a glass of whiskey.
He looked around the room, his eyes landing on the gift he'd bought for her. It was enchanted gardening gloves so her hands wouldn't get cut. Of course, the present had been discarded in a corner, unopened. It wasn't as if she didn't notice the gift. No, he had seen her look at it before placing it aside from her other gifts.
He'd seen her do that, and his heart had been pierced by an arrow. At least it felt like it.
As he stared at the gift, his mind drifted to the shop where he had bought it from. The shop run by the female. He didn't know why, but he couldn't stop thinking about her. She hadn't even said much, but she had simply caught his attention.
He blinked when a loud laugh interrupted his thoughts, looking at the inner circle sitting in the center of the room and having the time of their lives, while he sat in the darkest corner he could find. He knew he didn't fit in here, and that most of them didnt trust or like him.
He didn't know why he had accepted Feyre's invitation to stay for the night when he knew he'd be miserable.
He had thought that maybe, just maybe, they would include him in their fun. At least for one night.
He felt so dumb now.
After a little bit of contemplation, he decided it best if he left. No one was going to miss him anyways.
Quietly, he downed the whiskey in his glass, then rolled onto his feet. He set the glass on a nearby table, then turned towards the door. He walked towards it, his boots making no noise.
As he exited the room, there was no sign of the festivities slowing down. None. He removed his coat from the nearby hook, donning it as he stepped out, the door clicking shut behind him.
It wasn't until Lucien was out of the house that the sounds faltered for a brief moment, but then the laughter started back again, and Lucien sighed, his breath misting in front of him. He stared at the little cloud of fog in front of his face.
He didn't want to go home– if it could even be called that– not yet. The night was still young. Maybe he would go on a little walk around Velaris before he returned to the mortal lands.
He started the trek across the city, walking slowly, letting his mind wander, his eyes seeing everything but taking nothing in. It was like a waste of time, looking at the beauty but not caring enough to appreciate it.
He sighed, making his way through the vibrant market place. The children running around the place, candies in their hand, adults lingering around the place with their lovers and families truly added to the beauty of the festival.
But Lucien's eyes were unseeing, his heart unfeeling as he avoided the running and giggling children.
Someone slammed into Lucien from somewhere near him, and that finally broke him out of the haze that he'd been in.
He glanced at the fae leaning against him, trying to gain her footing in the crowded area.
"I am so sorry. I got pushed–" The female looked up at him, finally stable on her feet. She cocked her head, a smile spreading on her lips. "Oh. It's you."
He returned the smile, somehow easier than it should have been considering the foul mood he'd been. "It's me. I don't think I caught your name this morning."
The lady from the gardening shop grinned, her cheeks rosy, glowing with happiness. "Y/n."
"Lucien." He mumbled, studying her. She nodded, holding out her hand. He took it.
Then they stood there, awkwardly trying to figure out what to say. "Um... enjoying solstice?"
"Yeah." She returned, a relieved expression on her face. "Just left the house after dinner. My father said he's going out with some friends, so I decided to head out for some desserts. You?"
"Not really..." That was not the right answer, but Lucien was struggling to put on his mask of indifference.
"Oh. I'm sorry. Are you alone?"
He smiled ruefully as he looked away. "Very."
After a moment of silence, the lady spoke up again. "What are your thoughts on some cake? Pie? Or maybe cookies?"
Lucien blinked, then glanced at her. "What?"
She grinned, turning away and gesturing with her hand to follow her. Seeing that he had no other reason to haunt the streets of Velaris, he followed her.
She weaved in and out of the crowd, walking with purpose towards her destination. She stumbled sometimes, due to being pushed around by the crowd, but mostly by herself. She seemed to have a problem walking without tripping.
She tripped again, so bad that Lucien had to catch her elbow to stop her from faceplanting. She grinned up at him sheepishly.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes."
"Are you... drunk?"
She shrugged and shook her head. "I don't drink. It's taste is disgusting."
A small smirk made is way into Lucien's face, but he simply nodded at her to keep going. She continued on.
Soon, she was walking into a brightly lit shop, cakes and various baked goods displayed through the glass.
"This is my favourite place for sweets and baked items. It's really good."
She went to open the door, but Lucien stretched out his hand and held it for her. She blinked at him before smiling and stepping in to the warm interior.
"Hello." She greeted the kind looking old lady behing the counter, who smiled widely.
"How are you today?"
"I'm good. How about yourself?" Y/n replied.
"I'm good, I'm good. Just these joints creaking a little extra nowadays."
Y/n grinned fondly. "Maybe you should just get some rest, you old hag."
"Oh shut it. I will rest once I know I have succeded in convincing you to get a partner. Mother knows how lonely you must be."
"I'm not lonely, you old hag. As long as I have you and father, I will never be alone."
"Yeah yeah whatever." Then the old female seemed to notice Lucien, and her eyes lit up. "Are you finally seeing someone?"
Y/n blinked, then glanced at Lucien. Her lips parted, then a flush climbed up her neck. She furiously shook her head, and the old lady sighed.
"Well, hope I'm not dead when you finally decide to interact with others." The female bustled away as other people walked upto the counter to place their order.
Y/n turned to Lucien, her face red, and she gestured to the display of sweets. He grinned when she turned away again. "Choose what you would like to try. I always go for pineapple, but chocolate is also good."
Lucien dipped his head in a nod when she glanced at him to make sure he understood her, and then the two of them went on to get their cakes.
As they were about to leave the shop, the owner of the shop called to him. "Psst. Hey! You!"
When Lucien glanced up questioningly, the lady Y/n had been talking to motioned at him to come closer. He inched towards the counter behind which the lady stood as Y/n talked to another one of the workers.
"What are your intentions for her?" The lady hissed at Lucien as soon as she was sure no one could hear her.
Lucien blinked, taken aback. "What?"
"Don't you dare even think of hurting her. Males have hurt her enough. She is a pure soul, and if you hurt her, then I will carve your eyes out with a spoon. You hear me young man?"
Lucien nodded, dumbfounded. Thank the cauldron though, Y/n decided that moment to walk up to the two of them.
The old lady smiled at her, and then shooed Y/n and Lucien away. Y/n rolled her eyes and led Lucien out of the shop.
She crossed the road and settled onto one of the many benches overlooking the Sidra. She patted the place next to her and he obliged, studying her.
"What were you and the old hag talking about?"
"Nothing..."
Y/n raised a brow but stayed silent as she dug into the treat in her hands.
The two of them sat in silence as they ate, staring at the waters of the Sidra.
Unfortunately, soon enough the two of them were done eating, and Y/n turned to Lucien. She smiled. "Did you like the cake?"
Lucien gave her a smile. A genuine one, one that felt like he hadn't smiled in centuries. He probably hadn't.
"I did. Thank you for making my solstice better."
"I enjoyed the time too, no need to thank me."
And then the two of them parted ways, Lucien thanking her again and her telling him not to worry about it.
Lucien watched her until she had vanished between the crowd, then he turned and decided to walk to secluded place before he winnowed back to human lands.
A soft breeze caressed his face, and he closed his eyes, savoring the cool touch. His mind drifted back to Y/n.
He smiled softly, opening his eyes and leaning his head back, staring at the stars twinkling down at him, as if they were winking.
Maybe... just maybe, not all fae were miserable and hateful.
Maybe there was someone out there, like Y/n, who would not hate him for simply existing.
•○🌑○•
Y/n's pov.
Y/n only had one thought in her mind, and that was to hurry up.
She had been out in the market, getting the things she needed according to the cooking book she had recently bought.
She had decided to surprise her best friend since childhood with a home baked cake, and hence the rush to get home and start the preparations.
The catch?
Y/n was shit at baking.
The few times she had tried to bake, she had either ended with something that was too hard to even be called a rock, or with something that vaguely resembled... puke.
Even thinking about it sent shivers up Y/n's spine.
But back then she hadn't used a cookbook's instruction, she tried to reason with the sane part of her brain, the one that knew this was a bad idea.
Hurry up-
And she smacked into a wall. A very warm wall.
All her bags slipped from her hands and onto the ground as she stumbled back, barely keeping herself from falling onto her ass.
She lifted her head to apologise to whoever she had crashed onto when her eyes met russet and gold. Lucien.
She paused as she watched him cock his head, a little smile spreading on his features.
"I seem to notice a pattern, Y/n."
She lifted an eyebrow as she bent to gather her stuff. He followed. "What pattern?"
She tried to shoo him off by waving her hands, but he either didn't notice or didn't care. "You are always crashing into me. That sounds like a pattern to me."
She scowled, knowing that if her father or any of her friends saw her, they would yell at her for being disrespectful to someone who was helping her.
He grinned, glancing at her as he stood, most of her bags in his hands.
"Do you need any help carrying these?" He questioned when she climbed to her feet too, and she blinked.
"Oh no, it's alright. I'll carry them myself. I don't want to bother you."
"I insist. And it's really not a bother. I have nothing else to do. These are really heavy, let me help."
"You really don't have anything else to do?"
He smiled triumphantly, as if he knew he had won. "I don't."
She sighed. "Fine then. My house is nearby. Thank you vey much."
He shook his head, that smile still on his face. "No worries."
She led him to her house, a peaceful silence between the two.
It wasn't long before they reached her house, and she turned to him, keys in her hand.
"Please come in. Let me make you some tea." That was the least she could do for him.
"Oh no, that is unnecessary, I don't want to bother you. It was my pleasure to help."
"I insist. And it really is not a bother." She smirked, throwing his words back at him.
He shook his head, grinning. "Fine."
She let the two of them in, setting about to get some tea ready. "So, may I ask what you are going to with these?"
When Y/n turned to look at him, he gestured at the bags he set on the counter.
"Because from what I saw outside, these things are usually used for baking."
Y/n smiled. "Yeah. It's my friends birthday today. I was thinking of making her a cake."
"That's great. Do you bake often?"
Her smile now turned sheepish. "No. I tried a couple of times, back when I was younger," -six months ago- "and I damn near brought down the whole kitchen once."
Lucien chuckled. "So now you think you can do it properly?"
She picked up the cookbook nearby and waved it at him. "I will follow instructions this time."
Judging by the amusement in his eyes, she thought he would laugh, but he didn't. He simply extended his hand towards her and asked, "Can I have a look?"
She handed it to him, turning to check on the tea she was brewing.
The sound of the pages being flipped were the only sounds other than her pouring the liquid into cups for the two of them.
When she turned back around, she found him staring intensely at the book, his brows furrowed, a downward tilt to his mouth. She tried to make no noise as she set down the cup in front of him, hoping to not disturb his concentration.
But he glanced up at her, frowning. "This won't work. This is too complicated."
Y/n blinked, taken aback by the seriousness in his eyes and words. "What do you mean?"
He closed the book, setting it aside as he pulled the cup of tea towards him. "Baking is simpler than whatever bullshit is given in there."
"You know how to bake?"
"I helped my mother when I was younger."
"And exactly how many years ago was that?"
His eyes narrowed. "How many years since you baked anything?"
That made Y/n shut up.
She sighed ruefully. "Maybe I'm just not supposed to bake."
Lucien shook his head. "I can help."
She glanced at him. "What?"
He shrugged. "I don't have anything else to do anyways. I can help you bake the cake."
"I don't want to bother-"
"Its not a bother. I would love to help."
Y/n smiled behind her cup as she took a sip of her tea, a warmth spreading through her chest.
"Thank you. I appreciate the gesture." Then, she looked at the redhead for a moment longer before turning away. "And you know what? I am noticing a pattern too."
•○🌑○•
After a day filled with trying to decide on the flavour for the cake, the decorations, making the cake and laughter, it was finally time to sleep.
The party had been perfect, so many memories made, and so many things she could think about.
But no matter what, Y/n couldn't stop thinking about him.
She didn't remember the last time she had enjoyed herself so thoroughly around a male, let alone one she knew nothing about.
And as she went to sleep that night, trying not to think of how his eyes twinkled in amusement when she had dropped an egg on the ground- huffing and puffing- she failed to keep that smile off of her face.
•○●⛦●○•
Lucien's pov.
After the day filled with helping her bake, correcting anything she had been doing wrong and watching as happiness spread across her face when the cake came out almost nearly perfect, it was finally time to sleep.
The day had been perfect, a reprieve from the constant ugly thoughts Lucien had about himself. Memories had been made, though unexpected.
But no matter what, Lucien could not stop thinking about her.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd enjoyed himself so thoroughly around someone, let alone someone he barely knew anything about.
And as he went to sleep that night, trying not to think of how she had jumped around and squealed in excitement- so much so that she had nearly burnt herself by the hot pan- Lucien failed to keep that smile off of his face.
•○🌑○•
Y/n's pov.
Soon enough, Y/n learned that the handsome male with the metal eye, Lucien, was the Lucien Vanserra. The youngest son of the High Lord of Autumn Court.
He frequented the shop after that day they spent baking, him and Y/n becoming fast friends. He'd told her that he lived in the human lands with his friends, Jurian and Vassa.
Recently, she had learned that this Jurian he was friends with was the Jurian from the war centuries ago, the powerful human commander, remade by the Cauldron.
Expect Lucien to surprise a four hundred year old fae who thought she could not be surprised about anything anymore.
Y/n shook her head with an exasperated grin, finishing braiding her hair. She had spent the whole afternoon wondering what hairstyle would look good with her dress for her meeting with Lucien, eventually settling for a simple braid. Few strands framed her face, and she thought it looked better than any elaborate hairstyle she could have done.
Even after six months of being friends with him, he never failed to shock her by telling her things about himself.
He had sent a letter in advance that he would be visiting today, and he wanted to meet with her in their favourite cafe before reporting to the High Lord.
She had, of course, agreed. He was the only friend she had other than the female she had baked for, what with her being cooped up in her home with a book in hand when she wasn't working in the nearby jewellery store.
A knock sounded on the door, and Y/n practically flew down the stairs, taking a deep breath to calm her heart before opening the door.
There he stood in all his glory, smiling at her. The fading sunshine made his hair look on fire, his skin glowing.
"My lady. You look quite...dishevelled." He murmured, his eye twinkling. Y/n frowned, lifting her hand to her hair. It had looked good when she checked it in the mirror. Maybe the braid didn't look as good as she thought it did. In which case, she wanted to go and jump off a cliff.
Before her hand could touch her hair though, Lucien caught it, grinning and pressing a kiss to her knuckles, all the while maintaining eye contact. Y/n blushed.
"When I said dishevelled, I meant you look like you've run a mile. That looks exquisite." He said, straightening and flicking her forehead. "You look exquisite."
"Shut up." She mumbled, shoving his shoulder and stepping out, turning to lock the door. When she had finished, she turned to find him leaning against a pillar of the front porch. He smiled and inclined his head towards the road.
They walked towards the cafe, talking about his past days in the human lands and her job at the jewellery store. How she didn't really care for it and was thinking of taking up something else.
They soon reached the cafe which stood right on the banks of the Sidra and had outdoor seating as well in the backyard, right next to the river. As they settled down in their usual seat in a corner right next to the river, her eyes sharpened on the paper stuck on a nearby wall.
"Hey Lucien? Do you see that?" Y/n questioned, making Lucien glance back at it.
"Yeah. Looks like they're hiring." Lucien's eye lit up as he turned back to her. "You should try." She nodded enthusiastically.
Soon, they finished their food and Lucien was waiting to pay, having insisted on paying while Y/n talked to the hotel's owner. She was quite happy Y/n said she wanted to work there. They finally settled on her starting in two days.
After that, as they were walking home, the delicious smell of freshly baked cakes reached them. Y/n grinned at Lucien who took her arm and walked towards the stand where an old lady was selling small round cakes that were the size of Y/n's palm. They made idle conversation with her while she handed them their treats.
"You two make a good couple. Are you mates?" She asked as soon Y/n took a bite. Which was very unfortunate as she immediately choked on it. Lucien patted her back, grinning as he turned to the lady.
"No, we aren't mates. We're just friends."
"What a shame. But maybe the bond hasn't made itself known yet?"
Lucien shook his head with a sad smile. "That would've been wonderful, really." Y/n's had whipped to him, her eyes wide. Did he just say what she thought he did? Could it be that he... no. That was stupid. He had a mate that he would die for, regardless of whether she liked him back. He would never...
"But I already have a mate." He continued.
"Oh I'm so sorry then for assuming things."
"Don't be. It's not like it matters anyway. She doesn't want the bond."
"Oh mother, that's truly unfortunate. Maybe you could be with someone else? I loved someone in my youth, but he never paid me any attention. Then one day my friend advised me to forget the male. Now I'm married to my friend and I think I couldn't be any more happy."
Lucien looked thoughtful. "That's a good advice, I must say. And I'll definitely think about it." He winked at Y/n, making her blush furiously.
They continued on after that, though there was silence now compared to their earlier mindless chatter. And it was filled with tension. Y/n wrapped her arms around herself, staring into the waters of the Sidra nearby.
As they walked, her mind wandered to what Lucien had said to the woman. Could he really mean what he had said? He wasn't one to joke about such serious matters... but then again, maybe he was jesting.
Soon, they had reached her house, and she stepped up to open the door.
"You want to come in? We can have some tea..."
Lucien smiled. "I would love to if it's not a problem."
As she set about making the tea, he sat watching her every move. Which made her work extremely carefully, wondering if he was judging her. Which was absurd. Because, not only would Lucien never judge her, but also because she never would have cared for something so trivial as someone judging her. So why did she care now?
Because you lov–
She shut the thought down before it even finished.
•○🌑○•
Lucien's pov.
It had been over a month since he had seen his Y/n, and he was already craving her presence. Initially, he been able to go longer periods without meeting his friend. But as time went on, he became more and more enraptured with her and shorter and shorter became the time period between his visits.
The way she laughed on anything he said. The way her eyes would light up when she looked at him. The way he could make her blush by just looking at her. How she would get excited when taking about the newest book she was reading or when she learned something that made her happy.
He just couldn't get enough of her sometimes. All he wanted to do was stay and bask in her presence.
Of course, it wasn't possible, what with his work of going back and forth between human lands and the Night Court, as well as Day Court, where he had been spending some time getting to know his father.
It was a shock when he found out that Beron wasn't his real father, but he was adjusting. She had a big part in his acceptance. And he was grateful for it.
Now, he was going to leave his emissary duties for the Night Court, going to live in his father's court permanently. Which was why Feyre had decided to have the whole of the inner circle and him go out to eat for dinner. Lucien had suggested the cafe by the Sidra for the ordeal.
The place where Y/n currently worked.
He was smiling at his thoughts of her when he knocked on the door of the River House. Nuala opened it, greeting him with a smile before letting him enter. There was already sounds of chatter coming from the living room as he walked towards it. Everyone was here then. Great.
The quicker this was over, the faster he could spend time with Y/n.
He would leave soon, but that didn't mean he wouldn't come back to Velaris. He had important people here.
He had informed Rhys about his departure a few months ago, and had agreed to stay till they found someone who would be willing to take up the duties of Lucien. They were still searching for someone, so Lucien was still the emissary.
•○●⛦●○•
Lucien tapped his leg on the floor impatiently, his eyes constantly flitting between the tables and booths in search of his friend.
It had only been a few moments since he had arrived with the inner circle, but he simply couldn't wait to catch a glimpse of her.
While he was searching for Y/n, he failed to notice the High lord and lady's, as well as the entire inner circle's eyes on him.
He craned his head, and he finally heard that beautiful voice he'd been dying to hear from behind him.
"Good evening. May I take your order?"
He turned his head so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash, but Lucien didn't care as his eyes met those of Y/n's.
Her mouth lifted at the edges, a knowing look in her eyes as she turned away to converse with Rhysand.
His brain didn't process the words being exchanged between the two, he was so busy admiring her.
And wondering when the damn dinner will be over so he could finally talk to her and catch up.
When she left the table after taking their orders, she distcreetly brushed her hand against his bicep, pulling a smile on his face.
Just an hour or so. He reminded himself as he focused on the table in front of him, ignoring the looks of the inner circle, including Elain.
Which wasn't all that hard.
•○●⛦●○•
The time seemed to pass slower, just to torture Lucien that night.
Right when Lucien was about to loose his patience, everyone had finished dessert, and were on the verge of leaving.
Lucien stood, nodding at Cassian and Azriel in goodbye, hugging Feyre and shaking Rhys's hand. Making some excuse- unconvincing, he was sure- about having to go meet up with Vassa and Jurian, he walked away, eyeing the place Y/n had disappeared into.
He knew that she was about to leave, had probably already left, and he couldn't wait to tell her all the juicy stories he'd acquired over his recent travels, as well as the budding tensions between Vassa and Jurian.
The moment he stepped out onto the road, he heard her voice.
"So desperate to meet me fox boy?"
Lucien smirked, turning to find the owner of the voice leaning against a wall. "You wish."
Her eyebrows lifted as she pushed herself off the wall. "Sure. Didn't seem like it was just my fantasy when you were searching around like an eager puppy."
He grinned, though a flush climbed up his neck at being caught red handed. "Just wanted to see you so I could tell you about Vassa and Jurian."
Y/n grinned, throwing her arms around his neck as she buried her face in his neck. He returned the hug in kind, warming up his body a little through his magic so he could ward off the chill in the air surrounding them.
They stayed in the hug for longer than seemed appropriate, but no one was watching anyways. And neither of them cared if anyone was.
Y/n was the first to pull away, smiling shyly up at Lucien.
"You want to get some cake before we go home?" Y/n questioned, beginning towards the general direction of her home.
"I feel like we should make it ourselves." Lucien wiggled his eyebrows, throwing his arm around her shoulders as they began the trek to her home.
She shook her head slightly, becoming redder by the moment as she grinned softly at her feet.
•○🌑○•
It was solstice tonight.
It had been one not-long-enough year since he'd met Y/n.
Lucien's chest felt lighter than it had been in ages.
They had already found a new emissary who they trusted, and so today was Lucien's last day as a member of the Inner Circle.
He was here today to deliver some reports to Rhys.
The sound of utensils and laughter greeted him as soon as he entered the River house, the inner circle being as loud as ever. But as soon as he stepped foot in the dining room, everything went silent, all eyes turning to him.
He smiled at Feyre, nodding to Rhys and pointing to the papers in his hands. He placed the stack on a table nearby, before nodding again to the rulers of Night and turning away.
"Wait! Where are you going? Come have dinner with us." Lucien looked at Feyre, shaking his head.
He didn't want to stay. Not when all that was going through his head was how he would go up to Y/n's door and knock, and how she would open the door suspiciously, those eyes narrowed. But then she would realise that it was him, and she would fling the door open with squeal, tackling him into a hug, laughing. How when she pulled back, she'd realise she was in her pajamas and would self consciously brush herself down, touching her hair. How–
"Lucien?" Lucien winced, coming back to the present.
"I can't stay. I have to go meet a friend."
"Oh. Did you plan a meeting beforehand?"
"Oh no. She doesn't know I'm here. I'm going to go surprise her."
"She?" A gentle and soft voice intoned. Lucien stiffened. The voice he had wanted to hear acknowledge him ever since the bond snapped for him.
He turned to look at Elain, his brows rising as he took her in. She was standing from her seat next to the shadowsinger, her knuckles white from clenching her fork so tightly. Her brows were furrowed in anger, and she looked murderous.
"Yes..." He didn't really know how to answer the question, so he simply watched her.
Rage entered her eyes. "Is this the female you went with that night when we were out?"
Lucien blinked, wondering what was making Elain so angry. "Yes. Exactly that one."
Elain huffed out a bitter laugh. "So is she trying to steal my mate now? She did look like someone who steals males."
For a moment, no one moved. There was so much silence it was deafening.
Almost everyone was staring between Elain and Lucien, their eyes wide. Except from Amren, of course. Nothing could faze the little devil. And Nyx, who waved around a piece of carrot like a sword.
Lucien smiled slowly. "Glad to know your thoughts on my life, mate. I will let her know of your amazing thoughts about her."
Lucien turned away, walking towards the foyer, but just before he turned out of sight, he glanced back, his eyes meeting Elain's.
"She and I were only ever friends, but now that you've said it, I realise that we never were meant to be friends." Lucien smiled slightly, bowing his head. "Thank you."
And with that, he left, ready to meet with his friend.
•○🌑○•
Y/n's pov.
Her solstice had been normal. Nothing great to do. Her father had gone out drinking with his friends, her friends having been busy with their own families. Even the old hag was busy tending to and celebrating with her brother.
She was sure Lucien would also be busy with something, since he hadn't written to her to let her know of his arrival if he was coming.
That left Y/n alone.
But then suddenly, a knock had sounded on the door, and Y/n's heart had fluttered before even knowing who stood on the other side of the door.
After Lucien told her what was going on with Vassa and Jurian, he began telling her of the events that went down in the High lord's home as she got ready to take a stroll around Velaris with Lucien.
Her blood boiled when she heard of the things Elain said to Lucien, but a smile of reassurance from him was all it took for her to calm down.
They were in the main square of Velaris right now, watching the people dance around the huge fire in the centre.
It had become a tradition in the recent years for the people of the city to come together and dance the night away, laughing and drinking and mingling. It was a wholesome event, where younger people would gather around the old towards the end of the night and simply listen to their tales.
This was the first time Y/n was attending with someone else, as usually she would come here alone and sit next to the elderly, watching as younger couple her age danced around and bonded.
The glow from the fire danced in Lucien's eyes, making it look like there was fire inside those mismatched eyes. There was a relaxed grin on his face, one like she'd never seen before. He seemed so careless now, so free, it made Y/n smile too.
"You're staring." He pointed out, his voice barely audible over the cheers and the faeries singing along.
Y/n blushed, but in a sudden burst of boldness, she spoke, looking away. "It would be a crime not to."
From the periphery of her eyes, she found him gaping at her and had to suppress a triumphant smile.
"You know, I feel like the Mother took extra time making you."
He let out a surprised laugh, the sound lighting fires across Y/n's body.
"All that extra time to make me ruined by a fucking scar."
His tone was light, though Y/n could sense a hint of insecurity and sadness under the joy.
She turned to him, watching as the smile slowly vanished from his face at the look in her eyes.
"You are beautiful, Lucien, scars and all. And if I had the chance, I would show you how beautiful they are to me." She let her hand reach up toward his face, ignoring the heat entering his eyes or the way his pupils dilated as she traced the scar that ended at his jaw.
"Beautiful. So fucking beautiful."
HIs eyes fell shut as the music came to an end, and the people dancing around the fire dispersed for a moment.
"Y/n..." He whispered, his hand reaching up to hold hers against his face.
The music started up again, a soft and slower sound than before, more sensual.
This one was for people who were a couple or in a relationship, just a slow waltz to cool down before everyone again joined in a faster, more traditional dance.
"Dance with me."
The words were a shock to her system, and she nodded without even thinking.
It wasn't until the two of them had begun dancing, her arms wrapped around his broad and strong shoulders, their faces barely inches away, that she remembered that this was a waltz for couples, and she and Lucien were definitely not a couple.
She glanced up at him, his eyes already fixed on her. She opened her mouth to tell him, trying to ignore the warmth against her skin from the fire behind her, his body pressed so close to hers in the front.
"Lucien, this dance is for-"
"I know." He mumbled, his eyes smoldering. "I know." He repeated, making sure she understood.
Suddenly, his arms around her waist became more apparent, the way they rested over her lower back. The way the stray hairs that had escaped his low bun tickled her neck, the way his breath washed over her skin when he exhaled.
Y/n's mind was about to either stop working, or remind her of Lucien's touch every two minutes, and honestly, she didn't know which one she prefered.
He never broke eye contact once during the whole dance.
Soon, but not soon enough, the slow music came to an end. And the people that sat along the outer edge cheered, clapping and demanding the couples kiss. And as all the couples shared that intimate moment, Y/n's heart rate picked up, panic clawing up her throat, feeling so many eyes on her and him, wondering what Lucien would do.
She didn't have to wonder long, though.
Lucien began leaning in, making Y/n's eyes flutter closed. She swallowed, licking her lips.
Then she felt his hot breath closer to her face, his lashes brushing gently against her skin as she felt those plump, beautiful lips on the corner of hers.
She felt him smile against her skin. All the while, it was hard to breathe.
But then he pulled away, a flush on his cheeks. If it was because of the heat of the enormous fire behind her, or because he was genuinely flustered, she couldn't tell.
As the faster music started, Lucien grinned wickedly at her.
"Let's dance, my lady."
•○🌑○•
Y/n's feet were sore, but it was all so worth it.
At some point during the night, she had discarded her shoes next to a kind old male who she had known since she was a child.
All the dances after Y/n and Lucien's initial waltz had been fast paced, where everyone changed partners every few moments. It was one of the best things that had happened that night, getting to know new people and dancing and singing along to the top of their lungs.
It was all so beautiful.
She had always thought so, watching from the sidelines. But now, being one of the people she would have watched, it was a whole different experience.
The dancing was supposed to go on for atleast one more hour before the elders gathered and began telling stories. That would go on for the rest of the night.
And so, Y/n decided to get some rest, maybe somewhere on he benches near the Sidra where it would be quiet before returning to listen to the elder's tales.
Listening to loud music for hours was one way to invite a headache.
Y/n began making her way up to Lucien, who stood on the opposite side of the huge fire, but then she paused, simply admiring him.
He had discarded his embroidered overcoat next to where Y/n had placed her shoes, now only in a simple, thin white shirt that clung to his sweaty frame, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
He laughed as he held the hands of a little girl, giving her instructions on how to move. The little girl's tongue poked out of her lips as she concentrated, and Lucien was just as concentrated as her.
Once the current music came to an end, the girl grinned up at Lucien, and he ruffled her hair in return before she ran away, maybe to her friends.
Y/n finally walked up to Lucien, smiling tiredly at him.
"Hello, you."
He smiled back. "Good evening, my lady."
Y/n rolled her eyes at the title. "Shut up."
"Can I not even greet you now?"
"Yeah yeah whatever. I'm going to go sit at a bench, rest a little then return. You coming?"
He nodded, walking over to where his coat lay on the ground. He picked it up along with her shoes then returned.
When she tried to take her shoes from him, he waved her away.
The two of them walked in silence, heading towards the quiet river. Once there, they walked onto the bank and settled down where the place was relatively drier than all other places. Y/n dipped her feet in the cold water, releasing a relieved sigh at the soothing sensation.
Lucien pulled out two packets from the pocket of his coat, tearing open the wrapper and handing one to Y/n. She looked at him, confused.
He simply opened his pack, and then bit into the cake.
"Why do you have these with you?" She questioned, though she began nibbling on the little treat.
He shrugged. "Jurian found these at a bakery in mortal lands a few days ago. I thought you might like it."
She smiled, staring into the water as she slowly chewed.
"The inner circle were in the crowd tonight."
Y/n whipped her head to look at Lucien, but he didn't even seem bothered or interested in talking about the inner circle. He said it so casually, like he was telling her it was night and not day.
After a moment, Y/n spoke. "Was Elain there?"
He nodded, taking a bite of the cake. He took his time chewing before he gave her a response.
"I saw them after the fourth or fifth song. Apparently, they'd been watching since the first song."
Y/n gaped at him.
He glanced at her. "What?"
"Why are you so nonchalant about this?! Your mate saw you dancing with me on a song meant for people involved romantically!"
He blinked, then raised a brow. "And?"
"That might ruin any chances you had with her!"
He shrugged again. "There was never any chance anyway."
"Lucien! You-"
"Look Y/n. It's been long since the bond made itself known. It's been long enough that if she wanted to accept the bond, she would have. And long enough that if she didn't want the bond, she would have rejected it."
"Yes I know but you love her-"
"Let me speak, love. Let me get this off my chest. I never loved her. She didn't give me the chance to. The pull I felt towards her was simply the bond clouding my judgement. The desperation with which I seeked to gain her attention was me simply yearning for happiness. If I had not been so lonely and upset all the time, maybe I wouldn't even have acknowledged the bond if she ignored it too.
"And maybe I am a bastard for that, but I don't know what had gotten over me for the past year or so. I had lost almost all of myself, until you came along.
"You-" Lucien looked at Y/n, his eyes bright "-you made me realise that I did not need another person to make me happy, and that I didn't have to stop being myself for someone to love me. And i will be eternally grateful to you for it."
Y/n shook her head, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall. "Lucien, you deserve to find love. You deserve to have a happy life."
"And I know that now. All because of you."
"But I did nothing." She sniffed, her cake forgotten in her hand.
"You didn't have to. Just simply being my friend and showing me kindness made a significant difference in how I saw myself."
"But what about Elain? What about the bond?"
He smiled. "She can be with anyone she wants now. She wanted to have control over some aspects of her life after having been forced to turn, and honestly, I don't blame her. I would have wanted to do the same if my life had been anything like her."
"And what about you?"
Y/n felt like she knew the answer, but she still wanted to know.
"I do not need a bond to be with someone I love, you know."
"And who is it that you love?"
His smile turned knowing. "You know the answer, don't you?"
"Tell me still. After all, you do love hearing yourself speak."
This was a serious moment, but Y/n felt like if she didn't try to lighten the air by joking, this would become real. And she didn't know if she could handle that.
"I love you, Y/n."
She closed her eyes, telling herself this was not real, that she would wake up soon, and realise this had been a dream. Just like all the times before she had had the dream of being with Lucien and then waking up, all alone in her bed and staring at the ceiling.
But when silence settled around her, him staring at her expectantly, she realised this was no dream.
That someone like Lucien really was in love with someone like her.
She closed her eyes, a tear slipping out of the corner of her eyes. "You don't mean that."
She felt his thumb brushing away the tear a moment before she felt his lips on her cheek. "I do. I am in love with you, my lady. I would do anything to show you how much I love you. To prove to you that I really do."
Her eyes fluttered open, staring into his eyes as he rested his forehead against hers. "Why?"
He chuckled. "What do you mean why? There is not need of a reason for me to love you. I simply love you because you exist."
After a moment, she whispered what she had been dying to scream. "I love you, Lucien. I love you so much."
His smile widened, and he began closing the distance between them. "Then let me be yours."
Just before their lips met, she mumbled. "Be mine."
And her body ignited.
•○●⛦●○•
Her joints were creaking, but the old hag watched, and waited.
She had this primal need to have the little girl she'd watched grow up in front of her eyes find happiness, and she would threaten even the mother if the need arose to make Y/n happy.
But she didn't have to do that, because as she watched, the fire head male leaned in and pressed a kiss to Y/n's lips, and the old hag smiled, giddy with happiness and excitement.
And then she turned away, meaning to hobble back to the solstice celebration in the main square and leave the two younglings to enjoy the night together.
But then she paused, staring at the young female that stared at Y/n and the fire boy she'd fallen in love with.
Slowly, the old hag's brain remembered that this female with soft features and silky hair was the high lady's sister. And in turn, Lucien's mate.
Damn the mother. The old hag cursed, shaking her head.
"Leave them be." The hag ordered the girl in front of her, who turned to her with wide eyes. "They both deserve happiness. Don't you dare think about getting in the way."
The girl in the lilac dress nodded, her eyes becoming watery, but the hag had already begun walking away.
And after a final glance at the giggling couple on the riverbank, the girl turned away, jealousy and relief warring in her chest.
•○●⛦●○•
When Lucien pulled away, his hand still resting on her cheek, she couldn't stop a giggle from escaping. His lips quirked, a little swollen.
"Something funny?"
She shook her head, her cheeks warm as she turned back to the water. "Should we do a toast, my lord?"
He laughed at that, shifting closer to her as he put an arm around her shoulders. "And what will we toast with? We don't have wine or anything."
"We have these cakes." She pointed out.
He lifted his cake into the air. "Alright then. To love!"
Y/n wrinkled her nose. "And cakes!" She said as she raised her hand, and Lucien laughed.
He laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
Carefree and happy.
And Y/n simply watched, admiring.
Loving.
•○🌑○•
Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686 @cassie6392
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certainduckanchor · 4 months
Text
PITIFUL part 1
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pairings: gojo x reader
genre: angst
Disclaimer: Read at your own risk.
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Gojo hate the fact that he's married already. He don't want to be tied with someone at the age of 28. He has so many plans for himself. He wants to be free. But here you are acting so sweet, kind, and timid in front of him, which is he hates the most. Why would you ever agree to be married to him? Is it because he came from prestigious clan? You want his money?
He don't even know you, where you from, or even your name, he don't give a damn. It was his parents and elders idea, practically thinking that it would be best if the strongest sorcerer get married and has heirs.
" why are you here? " he asked you look irritated. Everyday he always asked you that question. Thinking why are you living together.
" because im you wife." you said softly. You heard him took a deep breath. You didn't bother to look at him because you know he hates you. Every single thing about you hates him, well you can't blame. The strongest sorcerer suddenly get married to someone like you. Someone who is far from his status.
" wife my ass! Are you really that stupid and pathetic?" he mocked. Trying to make you mad.
Everyday is like this since you two got married. It was so sudden that no one knew. It was a simple wedding celebration just you and Gojo's clan.
He also made it clear that no one should know that you're married together. Even in school, he specifically told you to stay away from him and you agree. You respect his decision, after all your life is meaningless anyway. You don't want to burden him.
" call me what you want, Satoru. But I don't need to answer you." you simply said not bothering to look at him.
He grabbed your arm which made you look at him. He looks dangerous. He's blue eyes is piercing through your body. It made you shiver.
" what do you want woman?! My money? My body? You want heirs?! Tell me and I'll fuck you right here and now!"
" let me go." you whispered. You don't want to start a fight with him.
" what did you say?!"
" let me go Satoru..." you warned.
" what if I don't? What can you do? You're nothing but a weak woman, pathetic, stupid, bit--"
You slapped him so hard. His eyes widened in disbelief, what you did boils him.
" I-i'm sorry, I-i didn't mea--" you tried to touch his face.
" how fucking dare you!" he grabbed your arm. You cried in pain. It's like he'll break your arm.
" S-satoru please.. l-let me go. It hurts. Please! Please! Just let me go. I'll do anything you want!" your begging. You tried to calm him down. Suddenly he stop, grinning at you. This is what he likes, he likes you to beg for him. He wants you to realized that marrying him is a wrong decision.
" get out of this house. I don't want to see your face." you nod and he leaves. If this is what he wants, I'll give it to him.
You packed your things. Wondering where you will stay the night. Hotel? it's expensive. You dont have much money, even if Gojo is your husband you never touch what's his. So you're only living in your salary. You decided to stay the night in your dorm.
Just a little. You just have to endure everything in this life.
- ff -
" yn-sama. you're late. " the maid bowed at you. She gives you a robe.
You look at the door infront of you. You thought you will finally escape from them after marrying the person they trully want but you can't. You're so sick of them, but whenever Gojo sees you you can't help but feel bad for him. You really don't want this to happened - to ruin his life.
You entered the hell, this was hell from you ever since you're young.
" yn we've been waiting for you." it was your mother. You bowed to them.
" I'm sorry.. there was something i nee--"
" i don't give a damn. So how's your married life with the strongest sorcerer?" she asked.
Every month, every last friday of the month. You were told to report from them about what it's like to live with the strongest sorcerer.
" it was great mother. he's so powerful and a kind person." you lied, still bowing to them. You feel sick, every month you have to make an excuse just to please them.
" that's good to hear. how about heirs? are you pregnant now?" your father asked.
This is their plan, to get you married from the strongest sorcerer, have his money and give birth to him. It was all their selfish desire.
" no father.. Satoru is so busy being a sorcerer and clan leader." you bite your lower lip.
" what?! you're married for 5 months already still no child?" he looks at you angry. Cursing you because for him it's your fault. You mother who was sitting beside him looks angry too.
" why don't you seduce him! Use your fucking mind! We want heirs now!" he shouts at you.
You silently clenched your fist. You're tired from this. Tired from your life. Tired from everything. You just want to die.
" I'll do my best next time father." you whispered.
" you better be or else you know what will happen to you!"
Suddenly the door opened, it was the maids. You know the drill what will happen next. They will beat the shit out of you at the basement.
You let them drag you, you didn't bother to squirm. Hoping this will be the last, hoping you will not survive from this. No one will really cares if you died here, even your husband who dispise you the most.
They lock you up for 2 hours. Whipping and beating your body. You didn't make a sound nor cried. You felt numb, growing up from these beatings made you strong enough not to cry.
After beating the shit out of you. You just dress like nothing happened. Still wondering why you didn't died today. You were used to this.
Is this the purpose of my life? I just wanted to be happy. But why is this happening? Why do I have to endure everything? Is it too much to ask?
When you arrive at your dorm. You locked yourself crying. Everything hurts. You're tired from everything. Maybe it's better if you killed yourself now. That's it. You'll end this suffering.
You stared at the mirror. Smiling at your reflection. Reminiscing your childhood trauma until Gojo Satoru entered your useless life. Gojo was right. Who wants to gets married to a woman like me? A woman who looks stupid and pathetic. A woman who's weaker than him. I'm just a bug in his life, a woman who ruined his life.
You drive yourself to your shared apartment. Satoru was there, for sure. Today you will end ties with him. You're finally giving him the freedom he deserves.
When you arrived at your apartment, you heard a moan coming from your bedroom. Not a surprise anymore.
" Satoru..." you called. His eyes widened and he immediately cover his body together with the woman he's fucking.
" what the hell! why are you here?" he angrily said.
" I'm sorry.. " you started. " Sorry for ruining your life. Sorry because I agreed to marry you. You're right, I'm just a pathetic and stupid woman. I don't hate you actually. Thank you and sorry for everything. "
He was stunned. This is so sudden. The woman in your bed looks confuse too.
" I'm cutting everything we had. Don't worry I'm still keeping your secrets. I wish you a happy life. You deserve so much. " you smiled for the last time. You bowed at him leaving him in the bedroom stunned. He can't believe you did that.
You genuinely smiled to him. Gojo Satoru swears that this is the first time you smiled at him.
You went back to your dorm happily.
Later that night..
They found your body in your dorm, lifeless, full of scars, bruise and wounds. The sound of their cries echoes through the hallway of Jujutsu High. Their beloved teacher yn is gone.
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No proofreading.
P.S. thank youuu @kawaiivillainess98 for suggesting a title ❤️
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