#my family just vacationed in hawaii and im living in a moldy trailer
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god wants me to kill myself sooooo fucking bad lately lol nice try bitch im queer
#you dont even fuxking know#the number of. literally impossible coincidences that have taken place to make my life just so much shittier lately#i have been sooo strong ive written like two dozen text posts just bitching and bitching about the sheer fuxking insanity of it and i only#posted like one of them im doing so good being so strong#that said i want to fucking die today lol this shit is melting my brain#it just never ends#the past two weeks have just been... so bad lol#i havent been able to see my bank balance in weeks i just know im so in the fucking hole it doesnt even matter#i havent had a working phone in a month#my family just vacationed in hawaii and im living in a moldy trailer#and the physical and mental health just go and go and go#and the mold grows and groes and grows#my friend offered me a top of the line pc for free and it felt like offering a homeless guy who loves music a grand piano#like yeah lemme just keep that under the bridge downtown where i stay lol#itll be fine#its like all the nice things id love to experience are dangled just out of reach of my fuckin cell bars lol#might fuck around and get addicted to a third substance in light of hope being a fool's errand in a truly random universe#life isnt guarunteed to get better no matter how long you wait or how hard you try actually and that is a hard fucking truth for everyone#alcohol is free and can keep your mind off how much mold & dust you breathe daily & breathed in the past 2 years & thats also a hard truth#also reading this i need to clarify in case anyone else reads this shitsheet. i do not want to vacation in hawaii. colonizer shit#what i wouldnt fucking do for just a week up by priest lake tho :(
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