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emsgoodthinkin · 4 months

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As long as I’m with You

Steve Harrington x You (short)

Summary: Steve wakes up to another bad night you’ve had this week

Warnings: hurt/comfort, talks of poor physical and mental health, doctors, suicidal ideation, medication use, drug use, chronic health issues, BPD if you squint, disabilities, use of the word “girl” x times, negative self talk, mentions of sex, angst, fluff~~

This is based off my own experiences and inspired by my pal Morgan’s version; feel free to check hers out

Tick tick tick

The clock strikes 12 and then 1, 3, 5am in the morning, no sleep no rest it’s an every day cycle. The same shitty cycle.

It’s a new year, but not a new you.

Sitting in your walker in front of the excruciatingly bright television screen, high as a kite, everything in existence running through your mind 100 mph, sometimes the weed helps the pain. Sometimes it induces it or even makes it worse. Right now it’s doing nothing for you. Looking over at your loved one sound asleep. You don’t want to bother him with your whines or crying. So you just sit there silence, tears rolling down your cheeks; while you watch some bullshit on YouTube.

Sniff Sniff

“Baby?”

Shit.

“..yea?” you say in a whispered tone

“Are you ok? what’s wrong?”

“Ah, you already know”, you’ve used that line probably over a million times

Steve comes along your side expecting a few dried tears, but his eyes widen when he’s sees the collar around your shirt bitten, snot dribbling down your mouth and throat, crouching down, he lies his head onto your thigh looking up at you, “Talk to me sweetheart”

“No.”

“Hey, I know you’re hurting”—

“GOOD FOR YOU! Congratulations you know I’m hurting, you know I’ve been hurting for fucking years. I’m glad you’ve acknowledged it unlike some people”you sniffle getting up in a hurry to take a piss as he follows with sad eyes leaning against the door frame

“I’m fucking tired, I’m so goddamn exhausted nobody will ever know what I’m dealing with!”, you say wiping your ass not bothering to wash your hands, “I can’t do anything I can’t run, I can’t jump, can’t go to the stupid, fucking grocery store without one of those motorized carts.. my back hurts, my fucking knees are throbbing, stupid fucking nerves won’t calm down FUCK! It’s not like I can get in the bathtub to calm my muscles down. Nothing is helping! No medication, no PT, no injections, no nothing! Why?? am I just resistant to any source of help or treatment? I-I can’t even lay in the goddamn bed to sleep. That’s all I have left is rest!! What is rest!? I don’t know what the hell that even is”

“I know baby I know”—

“NO YOU DONT STEVE, all you know is what you see. I wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy, my worst enemy to feel what I feel. That’s how bad it all hurts. The most evil, sick and twisted person in this world, I would never wish this upon. I just..”, getting dizzy you collapse on the bed sobbing into your own hands, then eventually into Steve’s shoulder as he rocks you, tears spilling from his own eyes—

“Nobody cares, nobody wants to help me. nobody cares unless I’m rich and can afford to give them any and ALL the things off my back, but I can’t. Even with the money you make it will never be enough to help the poor girl who’s too young to have any kind of issue. It’s “all in my head” I’m just fucking crazy. I could break my own neck and still be told it’s only from anxiety. Nobody cares just”—

“I care” he exhales

“It doesn’t matter if you care, all your care is useless, all your help is worthless to me because it gets me nowhere. Nobody’s love and care gets me nowhere. It’s nothing all but fucking false hope. Don’t you get that? None of you still to this day seems understand that. Stop praying for me to get better. It’s never going to happen. I can’t take it anymore.. I just wanna die! All I wish for is to die but, I can’t even have that. It’s like all of you want me here, to live and suffer for the rest of my life for y’all, it’s not fair, fuck that”, your trembling, body in fight or flight

“Don’t say that, you know I’d do anything to take your pain away”

“It doesn’t matter what you’d do because you’re not a doctor. You’re not a professional, you can’t help me get better.. sucks to hear but it’s the truth Steve..fuck”—

Steve’s really trying not to beat himself up over your words, he knows you’re in pain, it comes from a place of anger, frustration and fear

“I have all these pain medications I could easily take all at once, so I’ll never have to wake up in this position ever again. Why can’t I do it huh? I could end right here right now you never have to suffer again, but I just d-don’t; If anything, I’m the most selfless person for staying alive for YOU just so I can be alive but in pain all over again for YOU!”, your tone getting higher and higher in pitch

“I-I’m sorry.. I wish I knew the right words to say baby”, he’s trying his best to stay strong for you

“You’ve got to be sick of me, tired of me. All I do is cause more money to come out of your pockets, more exhaustion, more burdening, more crying, more everything bad for you. You already deal with your own shit. I do nothing but make your own mentality worse, hell you’re making your own self worse being with a person like me. A broken and useless excuse of a human being. You deserve somebody who can go hiking with you, go to the beach, travel with, who can do the bare minimum. Can’t even fuck you properly—

“STOP! Stop that right now” he shouts

You freeze because he’s never raised his voice at you, atleast not on purpose at such a vulnerable time

“I hate it too. You know it hurts me to know that you hurt and I’m sorry that I can’t take the pain away from you. My sweet, sweet girl I’m so sorry that nobody has given you the chance to hear your voice, to help heal you..but I’m gonna make you the same promise I make you almost every single night. As long as I’m with you, I will try my best with all my power to make it a little bit more bearable for you to be here, and I am so grateful that you are still here and choose to be here with me for us to be together. I know you hurt, but as long as you’re with me, I’m going to do my best to put a smile on your pretty face, beautiful sunshine of a smile because you’re my sunshine.. y-your smile gives me life did you know that?”

You nod. He tells you all the time

“I- I’m tired for wishing to feel ok for my birthdays, every Christmas. All the shirts and posters you got me for Christmas? I haven’t even touched them yet, you know why? Because the selfish person in me doesn’t give a fuck about none of it. The only thing I care about and want and NEED is pain relief and that’s too much to ask for isn’t it? Apparently wanting to be better in the world it’s too much to ask for”

“You deserve to feel better”, he says while his hand travels up your back to rub your tense neck, “You deserve to be free from all of this and I can’t give that to you. You’re not selfish baby you’re hurting. I love you for you. I knew what I was signing up for, and if I didn’t want that I wouldn’t be here right now with you. I know the sacrifices Ill have to make, the tears I’ll have to shed, the strength it’ll take me to pick you up when you’re down, but I fell in love with you, how you are, and who you are”

“Who are you kidding Steve, you don’t even know who I am. The real me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish you met me when I wasn’t sick then maybe you wouldn’t be so stressed out a-and.. and,” you start sobbing again, it’s all too overwhelming

“Hey, hey look at me, no. I met you at the right time. You need me just as much as I need you. You may not think you’re worth nothing but you’re worth everything to me. Yeah you have a good and bad days..—

“I’ve had nothing but bad days for the past few months Steve”-

“I know, I see it, I hear it and I witness it, I may not can feel it, but at the end of it all, you still love me. You’re still here. You still want to cook for me. You still get up to brush your teeth and I’m so proud of you for still trying to care for yourself. That’s the biggest job you’ll ever have, and it’s been a very hard job hasn’t it?

You nod, as he nods with you

“Yeah, it has, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I want to provide for you. I want to take care of you. You’re my girl, you deserve so much and as long as I’m with you, I will try every day, every hour, every second or minute, to make sure you know how loved, how great and how amazing you are. How great and amazing you’re doing for yourself and for me. How strong you are”—

—“im tired of having being strong all the time”, interrupting him

“I know you are. You are so strong for being on this earth, even when you don’t want to be. I wouldn’t ask for anybody else, you’re it for me always. Will you continue to let me try to make it better for you every day? To take care of you?”, he squats in front of you, cupping your wet cheeks, kissing your forehead

“But Stevie.. you know you’re getting your own hopes up because nothing you do helps either and I feel like a piece of shit for saying that because”—

“I know what you mean, you don’t have to be sorry. I understand you may not have hope but I do. All my Hope goes towards you and it always will. You are the most important thing in my life. I’m not gonna give up on you, on me or on us, ok sunshine?”

..”okay”, you repeat rubbing your temples

“Head hurt, darling?”

“yes”

“From crying too hard?”

You nod, looking away in shame, “It’s okay, I’ll get your Migrane cap from the freezer and i’ll set your pillows up how you like, just sit tight”, he says it standing then pausing at the doorway, looking over his shoulder, “I love you”

“luv you—

“Hmm? What was that, I couldn’t hear you” he exclaims

“I said love you gosh.. shut up”, you barely crack a smile

That was enough to get him through the rest of the night.

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x disabled!reader #steve harrington x ill!reader #tw sui talk #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x gn!reader #tw sick mention #mental health awareness #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x chronically!ill reader #steve harrington x sick reader #steve harrington angst #stranger things #joe keery #chronic pain issues #bpd #spoonie

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scrapraptor · 1 year

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I have crippling ibs

#dinosona #scalie #dinofursona #chronic pain issues

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moss-opossum · 2 months

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It’s okay to have low pain tolerance.

It’s okay to cry because your pain is at a 2 out of 10.

It’s okay to have higher tolerance for certain types of pain and lower tolerance for others.

It’s okay to be upset that your pain makes you dissociate, but not know any other way to deal with it.

Chronic pain is awful, period. Everyone who deals with it deserves compassion.

#moss-opossum #disability #chronically ill #chronic illness #disabled #physically disabled #chronic pain #chronic health issues

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voidmire-system · 2 months

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shout out to clumsy people.

shout out to people with coordination issues.

shout out to people with dyspraxia.

shout out to people with apraxia.

shout out to people with muscle weakness.

shout out to people with paresis.

shout out to people with paralysis.

shout out to people with arthritis n/or joint deformities.

shout out to people with chronic pain whose pain makes it hard to control their movements.

shout out to people with chronic fatigue whose fatigue makes them hard to control their movements.

shout out to people with balance issues.

shout out to people with other conditions that make hard to control body n/or movements.

shout out to people who are undiagnosed n struggling with control movements.

it's not your fault. it's not your carelessness. you deserve support n accommodations. you shouldn't be judged or mocked. you deserve respect. your struggles deserve respect.

#positivity #disability #disabled #coordination issues #dyspraxia #apraxia #actually dyspraxic #clumsy #arthritis #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #learning disabilities #developmental disabilities #neurological disability #neurological disorders #repetition #repetition tw

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eyeofthenewt1 · 1 year

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chronic pain

#ashton greymoore #critical role fanart #bells hells #gesture drawing #Ashton having real visible cracks coming from his head and chronic pain can actually be something so dear to me #-a person with chronic headaches and migraines who also feels like their skull is a brittle stone being picked at with hammer and chisel #Is Ash gonna become my my new projection blorbo like Caleb was a couple years back? Tune in next time to see..#Would make sense honestly tho cause trauma was my biggest issue back then and chronic pain is now so....#annathenewt art #my art #critrole

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phireads · 1 year

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Please reblog if you can so I can get a larger sample size

Feel free to put any clarifications in the tags (I’d be very grateful) <3

#mine #polls #not books #disability #disabled #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #physical disability #physically disabled #spoonie #spoon theory #cerebral palsy #mobility issues #physically impaired #christine miserandino #spoons #out of spoons

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desultory-suggestions · 8 months

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I know that when you’re struggling with your disability it’s easy to tell yourself that you’re acting entitled, that you’re lazy, that none of your peers or friends or coworkers need to rest so much or need so many adjustments to get through the week. Truthfully, no they don’t need to! Because they are not you, they are not experiencing what you are. Try to quiet the comparison in your head telling you to live up to standards set for the abled. You know what you need, and a good first step in dismantling shame is reminding ourselves that we cannot be measured by anyone else.

#disability #chronic pain #chronic illness #health issues #self worth #shame #chronic illness shame #disability guilt #suggestions #positivity #self love #mental health #self care

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tittyinfinity · 5 months

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"You're so lucky that you can get paid to sit at home and do nothing" is something I hear from family members & people online.

Okay, let's say you're not disabled at all. No health issues. You've somehow tricked the system into believing you're disabled (not possible).

Would you still trade your job and salary to live off of $600-800 a month?

Would you give up your house, your car, your hobbies, the ability to buy gifts for yourself & others, and ALL of your savings, just for the "great benefit" of sitting in bed all day?

Do you really think it's that great?

Now, add health issues to all of that.

Not only are you stuck at home, but your body hurts every time you try to move, lights and sounds can send you into a meltdown, you can't even make it to the bathroom without nearly passing out the entire way there. You're always too fatigued, too dizzy, or in too much pain to do basic activities. You can't cook for yourself more than once or twice a month. Fast food is expensive. You can't keep your place clean or even get yourself to shower regularly. You can't afford your hobbies – even just buying a video game is 10% of your income for the entire month. You don't get to buy yourself (or your kid/s) nice things. After paying bills, you have almost nothing left for necessities and gas. Your car breaks down? It costs 50%-200% of your monthly paycheck. You want new clothes? You got the thrift shop, clearance section at walmart, or ordering cheap things from horrible places like Temu, Shein, or Wish. You want a place to live? You won't be able to afford to live alone until you get approved for housing assistance after waiting 5 or more years on a waiting list. And either way, bills are gonna be more than half of your monthly paycheck.

Does all of that sound like a privilege?

And do you REALLY believe anyone would try to fake a disability for that?

Get mad at the system that underpays you, not at disabled people who are paid well below a sub-minimum wage just to "sit around" and feel like shit all day

#the examples i gave just mentioned my own health issues #i dont know what it's like to experience other people's disabilities so i can't speak on those #but anyone is welcome to add stuff if theyd like #disability #chronic pain #.bdo

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body-of-ouches · 2 months

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Hate hate HATE that feeling where your body is just going "something is Wrong" and you're like "ok what is it" and your body is like "that's none of your business 🤫😉"

#got that prickly skin and achy lower back that sometimes means imminent infection #we love having immune system issues #chronic pain #chronic illness

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emsgoodthinkin · 8 months

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Tw vent

You know what’s really, really hard?

Having chronic health conditions along with your parents also having them..

along with only one parent working.. along with my (black) dad always getting fucked on his pay… along with living check to check

Along with him, not allowed to work overtime anymore..along with them, both, breaking down body wise, along with having to try to take care of myself..along with always being poor … along with my broken down bodied mom taking care of her sick narcissis ungreatful parents along with me… not her taking care of herself bc we just can’t…

along with hardly having food.. fucked up car problems … constant gas issues with appointments… constantly canceling appointments because your car is broken down and you can’t afford new tires. ..toilet paper..? constant stress on our bodies. stress kills people. And all of our hearts have been having lots of pains…

Along with seeing my parents get more and more tired and stressed and fucked over by people… even our BILLS trying to take and take more money that we don’t have… sometimes he has to skip out on going to work bc of no gas that’s fucking SAD. PATHETIC

Along with having a partner who is all the way across the world and it’s not like you could have any stress relief, with them because they’re going through stuff too and work alot and they live too far away to even comfort you

Along with always having to lose your teeth only at 22 years old, because you can’t afford to get root canals or to get them fixed

They say money, can’t buy you happiness, but… it can make you more comfortable less stressed and mentally ill if you could afford the things that helped you, but you just can’t… ever ever

Miracles never happen for us. We’re just the unlucky side of the family. Nobody helps us out. Meh used to bad luck

#bad deck of cards #shit life #financial issues #who’s god?#chronic pain issues #money problems #ldr problems #poor #parents #health care #no help #it’s whatever right?#health problems #mental illness

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ghouljams · 6 months

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Was talking in the tags about Gaz with aches and pains and I was reminded that athletic tape is a thing and just.... Gaz taping his shoulder when it starts aching, something he doesn't let anyone know about save for Price. No reason to get medical involved when he can patch himself up just fine. Besides he doesn't want anyone trying to get him out of the line of duty. It's really just from holding position for long stretches. He doesn't know how Ghost manages to sit for days watching a target down a rifle scope, hours of it set his muscles on fire. But he doesn't want to seem weak, it's hard enough being Price's golden boy, people are already looking for weaknesses to pick at. So he does it all himself.

Except he always has trouble taping one stretch on his back and it's not something he can ask for help with from anyone. Except maybe you. He shows up at your door and hustles you back into your room with a few quick glances around the barracks hall. You sarcastically invite him in and he just tosses you a roll of athletic tape, strips his shirt off and turns his back to you. It's not exactly an order, he hasn't asked anything, but you can see where the tape should fit against his carefully laid web, so you tear a piece off the roll and lay it over his skin. Maybe you take a moment to smooth it out and check the rest of his work, not feeling the firm muscles of his back or admiring how well built he is.

It's a short moment before his tee is back over his head and he's plucking the tape from your hand, kissing you cheek with a, "let's keep this between us, eh love?" and you don't know how to respond to that. When did you become "love"? Why did he kiss you? Is that where you are with him? Can you barge into his room now? You feel Gaz brush past you, hear your door open and close, hear him whistling down the hall. Should you be reading into this? You're not going to read into this, or you might explode.

#cod x reader #x reader #kyle garrick mw2 #kyle garrick x reader #kyle garrick #kyle gaz garrick #gaz x reader #gaz mw2 #gaz modern warfare #gaz cod #chronic pain #ghoul speaks #as someone with chronic pain and hypermobility issues Gaz I FEEL YOU #Gaz dislocating his shoulder as a party trick and Soap nearly vomits

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