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#but it wouldn’t? i Love my friends but. i am sad here and i was sad in scotland and i was sad in cambridge and. i will be sad wherever i go
shitouttabuck · 3 months
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what do you do when the girl you spent the better part of the last decade in love with calls you up to tell you they dumped their girlfriend and quit their job and would you like to go spend a couple weeks on a beach in greece with them because they miss you and love you (not like that) . and you miss them and love them (not like that. anymore) and you’re probably not getting into grad school anyway and even if you did you can’t keep moving countries to start over because that doesn’t fix things and you could use the money you have saved that you were gonna put towards tuition to buy a plane ticket and sublet a beach villa instead. because you miss them and you love them and you’re tired of missing them and loving them has always felt good and you never feel good anymore and whatever maybe you can just have a lovely few weeks in fuckin greece and just. that’s enough you don’t have to try more than that they go back home and you stay on a beach in greece for as long as anyone else will remember . hypothetically. you should do that, right
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d0d0-b0i · 1 year
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it’s weird how much lighter my life feels now. not that i don’t have any issues (because there are many in my life, as i am sure there are in yours), but they’re just so much more manageable than they were a year ago.
​what’s more; i love myself now. i may not be perfect. but i am trying my best, and i can tell that i am! i see myself in the mirror, and sometimes i just examine myself, and my features, and i smile. i feel so much more authentic when talking to people, not worrying about how they view me, because i don’t have to anymore. i wish i could’ve told 15-year old me just how good it’s gotten so far, i know that he would’ve loved hearing about the shitty sideburns we’re growing out right now :’)
#it gets better :)#i used to think that transitioning medically wouldn’t lessen the sadness and depression i felt#and to some degree it is still there since t isn’t a cure all#but by the gods it is so much fucking easier to deal with everything#when a major reason for my mental health being the way it was has been abated#it’s like the fog cleared enough for me to actually see the road i’m driving on#instead of assuming blindly that i won’t crash#once i get top surgery.#idk. i wonder if things will be even easier?#i’m almost a year in and already my life feels so much brighter. yeah there’s problems with keeping the house. and yeah#i don’t have an income yet and i don’t know if the internship will even be in the cards for me#but. i just feel that everything will work out. enough for me to enjoy the time i have here :)#sorry i am being sappy but god! i love and i love! so much now!! i feel so much and i enjoy nearly every day despite the Issues#the world is getting worse but still i find reasons to love and live#so maybe one day it will get better? maybe one day my love will have helped even#if you’re reading. i love you. even if you’re just a follower#even if we’re mutuals that haven’t talked before#i think about you often. i wonder where my oldest mutual went after they stopped posting years ago#i don’t think i can forget. and i love you. and i wish i. could give you a hug. we all need one from time to time#i love the friends i’ve made and the friends i’ve had. i love. and this past year has opened up my floodgates of emotion
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marimogf-archived · 7 months
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gimme some sugar, i am your neighbor!
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synopsis: asking your neighbor for a baking ingredient leads to you getting a different kind of sugar.
genre / au: smut, tiny bit of fluff, neighbor!toji inspired by this tiktok (op's story has a different storyline, this fic is inspired by part 1 only!!)
contains: EXPLICIT CONTENT (MINORS DNI), afab!reader, slight dom!toji, protected sex, slight dumbification and dacryphilia, use of petnames (doll, sweetheart, baby etc.), mentions of food; wc: ~4.2k
happy reading, i hope you enjoy! and as always, reblogs and feedback are appreciated!! <3
PLEASE READ MY DNI BEFORE INTERACTING!
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everyone who knew and loved you was aware of the fact that you loved baking. every birthday, anniversary, company party would only be completed by one of your baked goods.even your neighbors could tell. at least once a week, the hallway on your floor was filled with the sweet smell of pastry and baked goods. this weekend wouldn’t be any different. 
as the clock ticked in your kitchen, you went through everything needed for the cake in your head. scanning the ingredients you got the evening before, your eyes widened when you realized that you forgot to buy sugar. 
shit.
it was sunday, everything's closed and the cake for your best friend’s birthday had to be done by today. 
thus, you had no choice but to ask your neighbors for help, hoping they had some sugar you could ‘borrow’.
you had moved here months ago, but hadn’t introduced yourself properly since you were so swamped with work. this was gonna be awkward. 
like a sad dog, you took your keys and trotted over to the neighbor’s apartments, starting at the one farthest from you in hopes of someone being home. but no one opened their door and so you were forced to walk down the hallway, ringing every bell to no avail until you reached the apartment right next to yours. you rang the doorbell with ‘fushiguro’ written in sharpie over the button, your hopes already deflated. 
“coming.”
the deep voice on the other side of the door surprised you, it sounded younger than you had thought. you lived in a somewhat quiet neighborhood, most of the neighbors looking like they either had families or were close to retirement. 
another thing you didn’t expect when the door opened was to have a fucking greek god in front of you. 
he leaned against the doorway, beefy arms shown off in a tank top that looked entirely too small to be his size, accentuating his tiny waist. his legs were exposed in tiny grey sweatshorts that left little to the imagination as you tried not to stare at the dickprint that had your mouth run dry. 
“what is it, doll?” he smirked, watching you lightly jump at getting caught ogling his physique. 
“uhm, hi, sorry to disturb your afternoon. i’m the neighbor next door and i seem to have forgotten to buy sugar for a cake that needs to be done today. i just wanted to ask if you’d have some to spare, mr. uhh…” you looked at the bell sign again, ”fushiguro?” 
you almost didn't dare to look him in the face. he had an aura about him that made you feel like a giddy teenager in the presence of your crush. 
“toji is fine, doll. but yeah, i have some,” he mumbled, a smirk ever present on his lips. as he turned in the doorway, he motioned for you to follow. “come on in.”
you hesitantly followed him through the doorway, taking off your slippers and entering his living room. looking around, his apartment seemed nice and smelled like his cologne. but it looked too clean, almost sterile, as if no one really lived here. 
‘seems like he isn't home often’, you thought to yourself. 
he rummaged in the kitchen and returned to you with a half full bag of sugar. “you can take it all, i don’t use it much and it’d be a shame to waste it.” his smirk never seemed to cease. as you took the bag, you actually faced him properly. admiring his sculpted face, the little scar adorning his lips and the green eyes staring you down. his black hair was falling into his face, making his eyes seem impossibly darker. you thanked him quietly, turning to leave when he spoke again. “don't you wanna stay a bit? i'd like to get to know you a little more, doll.” 
you faced him with heat rising to your cheeks. “maybe another time, i’m somewhat in a rush.”
“at least tell me your name, sweets,” his gruff voice sent shivers down your spine and tingles from the top of your head. 
“it’s y/n.”
“alright y/n, save me a piece, will ya? i’d like to have a taste of your cake.” he winked. you nodded nervously, thanking him. you turned to leave and hurried out of his apartment to your door. 
barely able to slide the keys into the lock with your shaky hands, you almost slammed the door behind you, heavy breaths rocking your chest. you grinned to yourself. 
you had lived in this apartment for months, barely alive between work days and using your off days to recharge even just a little bit, mainly with a vibrator between your legs and a stranger’s voice in your ears as you listened to audio porn. you'd sometimes hear tojii's deep gruff voice, along with louder giggles from a different girl each time, as they passed your door to go to his apartment. the moans that followed shortly after the door would slam shut were loud enough for you to groan and lose sleep over during work nights.  
you’d hear the girls whine and cry out for him to go harder, faster, deeper. and you'd be left wondering what the appeal about him was but now that you knew what he looked like, he might just become your new fantasy. 
enough distraction, you had a cake to bake. 
now that you had all the ingredients, you mixed together a beautifully sweet batter but in your haste, you measured a little too much for your smaller baking pan.  
‘oh well, i’ll just make some muffins out of them,’ you thought to yourself. maybe you should take some to your neighbor to thank him for his kindness later. 
buttering your pan, your batter slipped right in with enough space for it to become nice and fluffy when baking. you rummaged through your drawers, searching for your muffin pan. when you found it, you lined the pan and put the rest of your batter into the little paper frills. 
once every drop of batter was distributed evenly, you pushed everything into your oven and set the timer. you cleaned up and did the dirty dishes in the time the baked goods were filling your apartment with their sweet smell. 
the timer rang and you took out the cakes and muffins, letting them cool down while you slowly prepared the icing. after a while, your baked goods had finally cooled down enough to put the icing on without it melting.  adding a few decorations and chocolate chips on top, you put your hands on your hips triumphantly with a proud grin. your best friend would love it. you were sure of it. 
looking out the window, you saw the sun beginning to set and hurriedly put a few muffins onto a plate to bring toji. looking down at yourself, you realized that you were covered in bits of batter and icing and decided to look a bit more presentable in the face of your hot dilf neighbor. 
maybe you could get lucky? you genuinely hoped so. 
you took a very quick shower, just to get the sweat off and have your body smelling nice. you slipped on your underwear as well as some shorts and a tight shirt that accentuated your chest. you hurried to get out of the door, nearly forgetting your apartment keys in your haste. 
you rang toji’s doorbell for the second time that day and yet, you still got surprised at the sculpted man standing in front of you. 
“already back for more, sweetheart?” he grinned as his eyes traveled down your body and settled on the plate in your hand. 
“i couldn't save a slice since the cake’s for my best friend but i had some batter left over and made muffins?” you offered the plate to him, a slight tremor in your voice from being in his dominating presence again. 
he chuckled and opened the door wider. “that's nice of you, come in. i’ll make some tea and we can taste them.” 
you put the plate down on the kitchen counter and again, let your eyes drift across the apartment as toji started to prepare the kettle. 
“so what do you do?” you asked, cautious and nervous, not wanting to overstep his boundaries. you heard a deep grumble from the man as he snickered. 
“unfortunately, i can't tell you that, princess.” your cheeks heated up at the pet name. 
“is it dangerous work?” 
“mhm, wouldn't want you to get caught up in it. my friend gave me his apartment for the time until i finish my assignment and then i’m gone. but if your muffins are good, i might consider coming ‘round more often.” 
the kettle whistles and he pours the hot water over the tea to let it steep. he grabs the mugs and turns around to face you. toji set them down on the coffee table in the living room and motions for you to bring the muffins over and sit. 
his massive hands made your muffins look like legos as he took one and bit into the soft baked dough. 
“mmmh so good,” he murmured as he closed his eyes in delight. “they’re delicious, y/n. you should make it a business.” 
you smiled, thanking him. you took one as well, taking a big bite. you didn't notice the icing on your cheek nor the crumbles that accumulated on your chest. 
you sure as hell didn't notice how intently toji was watching you as you took more bites. or how he inched closer to you. 
“you got a little something there, doll,” he uttered and you gasped as his lips touched the skin right next to your mouth, sucking the sweet icing off your skin. 
“t-toji…” your voice shrank into a whisper as his lips traveled to your jaw and down your neck, delivering a gentle bite. just enough to lightly bruise the skin. 
soft whimpers left your mouth as he stopped to lick the skin on your décolletage, collecting the soft crumbs on his tongue. 
you set the unfinished muffin down and let your hand tangle in his hair, gently tugging on it. he lifted his head, creeping dangerously close to yours - that same smug grin on his lips.  
“the muffins are good, but i can think of another way you can thank me.”
your face heated up and your eyes flickered between his and his plush lips. 
“i’m gonna kiss ya now. is that okay, love?” he gently inquired, calloused thumb brushing over your cheek. 
you nodded and pulled the straps of his tank top, getting him closer to you as your lips met his in a hot kiss. you could feel his lips stretch into a sly grin as his hands found your waist, using his strength to pull you on top of him. his big hands were on your hips now, following your movements as you started grinding on him. the kiss deepened, his tongue sliding across your bottom lip and you parted your lips willingly. toji sucked on your tongue lightly while his hands were massaging your breasts through your clothes. you moaned, your hips moving more desperately against his now apparent bulge. you could feel how big he was and you wondered how the fuck he was gonna fit. 
your worries melted away when he pulled back from the kiss, his mouth now attached to your jaw, kisses trailing down your neck. you could feel his teeth on your collarbone, threatening to leave a mark and you whined. “not there please…” 
you felt him smile against your skin and he left a soft kiss. “don't want anyone to see? in that case, i’ll mark you where only i can see, yeah?”
your hands tugged on his tank top and you leaned back a little to let toji pull it over his head, discarded somewhere out of your vision. he was an absolute delight to look at, abs chiseled, pecs round and a delicious v-line and a happy trail of small black hairs leading to the pot of gold. your hands slid over his warm skin and you lightly traced your nails over his erect nipples, eliciting a groan out of him. this time, your lips were on his neck and you sunk your teeth into his collarbone, the exact spot where he had wanted to mark you. he moaned, his deep voice sending electricity straight to your cunt and you clenched around nothing. you could feel your panties sticking to your pussy, but as much as you wanted him to fill you up, you wanted to feel him in your mouth first. so you slid down his lap as you marked him up some more. 
“yeah doll, mark me as yours. gonna show it off,” he smirked proudly as you settled on your knees between his thick thighs and looked up at him through your lashes. god, that sight was enough to almost make him cum in his pants like a teenager. you realized he wasn't wearing any underwear when you saw his wet tip through the leg of his pants. toji lifted his hips a little to let you pull down his tiny shorts and his fat cock twitched as your soft hand made contact with his skin. you let out a soft gasp at his sheer size and pressed a soft kiss to his base. his hand immediately settled into your hair, the other arm thrown over the back of the couch. 
you felt so intimidated by his size but you still took his leaking red tip into your warm mouth, tongue lapping up the salty pre-cum. his head was thrown back and the grip on your hair tightened. toji had to really control himself to not immediately cum in your mouth. 
you slowly started to take more of him, your hand stroking whatever you couldn't reach while the other caressed his thigh. the low grunts from the man above you sent shivers down your spine and you felt proud, knowing that you were the reason he was in this state. you continued your movements, looking up at toji with his eyes screwed shut, face and neck flushed. his hips moved to gently thrust into your warm, wet mouth and the sounds he made were just music to your ears. you moaned around his thick length, trailing your nails across his thighs, which made his thrusts a bit harder, leaving you to gag and slobber all over him.
after a few more thrusts, he pulled you off his dick by your hair, panting whilst sweat coated his skin. a thin trail of spit connected your lips to his cock, the tip now an even deeper red. 
“fuck doll, that mouth of yours is too good, almost made me cum too fast,” he groaned as you stood up, pulling off your shirt and unhooking your bra. his fingers pulled the waistband of your pants, sliding them down your legs along with your panties. he smirked at the sight of the wet spot on the fabric. toji got up and pushed you onto the couch before his lips were on your chest, fingers toying with your sensitive nipples. your back arched towards him as he gently pulled on your buds and you let out a whine. “toji please, wanna feel you inside.” 
“not yet baby, need to prep you right,” he mumbled against your skin, tongue poking out to swirl around your nipple. “wouldn’t wanna split you in half.” 
he continued licking and sucking until your hands were gripping his hair, pulling him away, before switching to the other breast. but not before marking up your pretty boobs with his lips and teeth, making you whine again. as his lips engulfed the sensitive bud, you desperately tried to grind against him, trying to get some kind of friction against your leaking pussy. he gently slapped the boob that was not in his mouth, muttering “be patient doll” and you could feel him grin against your skin. when he deemed it enough, toji let go of your chest, making his way down your tummy, leaving a trail of marks on his way.
you pushed the hair out of his face, his forehead slick with sweat as he tried his best to not cum as your pussy came into view. you were already so wet, you parted your legs so willingly and he hasn't even started. toji gripped your thighs as he kneeled between them, his lips against your hot skin making you moan wantonly. you couldn't even form words, you just wanted to feel him. 
“what is it, doll?” he teased, as a particularly hard bite into your flesh made your back arch and he swore he saw your cunt leak even more. 
sitting up on your elbows, you looked into his green eyes staring into your soul while his lips were anywhere but where you needed them. “make me feel good, please, toji, i need you,” you panted. 
he was just waiting for your command. his lips were on your pussy in an instant, tongue lapping up your sweet juices. 
my god, he could just get drunk off your smell, your sounds, your taste. you fell back and your hands were in his hair, hips moving against his mouth. as his tongue was circling your clenching hole, he moved his head from side to side, his nose rubbing against your clit just right. you could feel the orgasm coming, you could taste it. “i’m gonna- cumming, i’m cumming toji, ah- fuuuuckkk!”
you were pretty sure the other neighbors could hear you but you didn't care, his mouth just felt too good. 
“cum for me doll, make it messy.” his words pushed you over the edge, his nails leaving moon-shaped indents in your soft skin. you saw white behind your eyelids as your back arched. toji lapped up your slick as he let you ride out your high on his mouth until you pushed him away, overstimulation clouding your mind. 
“nuh-uh y/n, i’m not done with you just yet,” you heard him chuckle before you felt a finger slide into your tight cunt with ease. your hips moved on their own accord as you basically fucked yourself on his finger. “fuck, that's so good,” you huffed, still processing the previous orgasm. 
“yeah? my big fingers feel good in your slutty pussy?” he murmured, so desperate to fuck you silly but knowing that if he didn't prep you, you'd split in half on him. he slid another finger in and after a few thrusts in and out, even a third. you squirmed and gripped his hair, sweat running down your skin as you felt your second orgasm wash over you. toji could feel you clamping down on his thick fingers and he curled them to press against the spongy spot that made your back arch. a soundless gasp escaped your lips. he grinned and his other hand slid onto your lower tummy, thumb circling your clit as he watched your face contorting in pleasure. 
“come on, sweetheart. make a mess, cum on my fingers,” was all he needed to say for you to come undone. you gushed around his fingers and he watched as your cunt twitched uncontrollably around the digits. 
“fuuuck baby, you're so good for me,” he mumbled, sliding his fingers out of your hole with a lewd squelch that made your stomach twist in pleasure. he rose again, pushing his slicked up fingers between your lips and you sucked on them greedily, not breaking eye contact with him. he felt his dick twitch and he pulled his fingers out of your mouth. “you drive me crazy, doll.” 
you giggled as toji pushed his hair back with a sigh. he grumbled under his breath as he looked through the pile of clothes on the floor, searching the pockets of his pants for something. he found what he was looking for, carefully ripped the condom package open and slid the latex on his painfully hard cock with a hiss. he then sat on the soft couch, patting his thigh as he invited you to straddle him. 
“oh so you were prepared for this,” you laughed and he grinned back at you. “i was betting on it baby, could see the way you were undressing me with your eyes earlier.” you felt your cheeks heat up at the comment, feeling embarrassed at being caught. 
you, though, were a sight to behold right now. sweat made your skin glisten, your chest heaving as you were coping with having two mind blowing orgasms pulled out of you in a matter of minutes and your face was just so fucked out, he wasn't sure if you were even in the same realm as him. your thighs were on his hips and he helped you lift yours as you aligned his dick with your hole. you moved your hips against his length, lubing up the shaft with your juices before slowly and carefully sliding onto his cock. 
toji bit your shoulder gently as he tried not to bust immediately at the tightness that engulfed him. he groaned into your ear and your hands gripped his shoulders, your nails leaving marks on his skin as you felt yourself splitting in two as you slowly sunk down his length. you felt so full and you hadn't even taken him all the way yet. his grip on your waist tightened, you were sure he'd leave little bruises at how hard he was gripping you. 
“fuuuckkk baby, how are you still so tight?” he rhetorically asked while you babbled at how full you felt, how big he was and how good he was feeling inside you. he bottomed out with a small thrust and you let your head fall into the crook of his neck while he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer and caressing your skin. you slowly moved your hips, grinding against him as soft sighs and wanton moans of his name left your lips.
he got drunk off the way you were wrapping around him and the way you were completely dumb off his cock. his lips found your neck again, spurring you on to move your hips a little faster, a little more. 
“come on baby, you're doing so well f’me,” he whispered right into your ear and you cried out his name, wanting to make him proud. your cunt was dragging along his cock so deliciously and soft moans left him as your velvet walls engulfed him over and over. soon enough, your muscles were growing tired, your movements getting sloppy and he adjusted his seat, with his dick still inside you and grabbed your ass to harshly thrust up. his tip was hitting your cervix in a delightfully painful way and you felt yourself getting closer to yet another orgasm.
toji felt you clamp around his length, muttering “fuck, you're trying to snap my dick off baby. you're gonna cum again? gonna make a fuckin’ mess on my cock, hm?” he teased you, one hand sliding down for his thumb to sloppily rub against your swollen clit. your whole body shook, mindless moans and babbles leaving your lips.
“fuckfuckfuck, m’cumming,” you almost screamed at this point, his proud smile only egging you on as white ecstasy washed over you and he slowed his thrusts down to ride out your high. tears pricked at the corner of your eyes, some even escaping and he caressed your cheek with his thumb. 
“oh baby, you cryin’ because i’m fucking you so good? your pussy is made for me, doll. you're doing so well f’me,” he cooed, sounding almost condescending. you nodded, completely fucked out and pretty much unable to speak. you cried out when he started thrusting faster, lewd slaps of his balls against your ass - pap pap pap - with every move. he was so close too, his hands gripping your shoulders as he used you like a fleshlight, listening to your raspy whines, your nails clawing at his shoulders.
you were gonna cum again, whether you wanted or not, he would make sure of that. and soon enough, as you felt his thrusts getting sloppier, your pussy clenched around him again, cumming harder than before as he fucked up into you just a few more times before burying himself to the hilt and cumming into the rubber.
he lazily thrust a few more times to ride out his orgasm and he slowly lifted your hips to slide out of you with a lewd squelch and you whined at the empty feeling. he traced little figure eights on your back as you came back to earth after being fucked into oblivion. you slumped against him and he stroked your back, chuckling when you started giggling, euphoria taking over. 
“thanks for the sugar,” you laughed tiredly, tracing your fingers over his pecs. 
“anytime, sweetheart. i’ll always have some on standby for ya, just say the word.”
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a/n: FIRST FIC IN ALMOST 3 YEARS LET'S GO!! this is quite self indulgent because i love to bake LMAO. big big BIGGEST thank you to @jabamin for proofreading and helping me with this <3. gonna tag @kazushawty as well since i feel like she might enjoy this and also because i used her tutorial for headers and it worked perfectly!! i'm so happy with how it looks! :3 tagging @etherealxmaya as well 🫶🏼💗THANK YOU FOR READING I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!! <3
© marimogf 2023 — all rights reserved. please do not plagiarize, translate or steal any of my works.
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yyoati-cas · 1 year
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#okay I’m gonna spill some tea since it’s anonymous here#my love triangle is literally INSANE#if you’re not up to date basically I kinda had this crush on this guy and girl and then the guy (they’re both also like my besties)#told me he liked the girl I kinda had a crush#so I was sad but then girl started giving me hints she liked me (like constantly holding my hand and cuddling) and I talked it out wi#th the guy in question and he was fine that something was happening between us he would get over it#like a month me and the girl are rizzing each other#but nothing really happens so I am direct and basically just am like what is going on between us#and she texts me like I don’t like you like that#sorry#so my heart is broken because i really didn’t expect that (still somewhere think she DID like me because of how she acted but isn’t ready fo#r a relationship (which is fine yk but I wish she would’ve been honest then))#anyway we decide to just remain friends#i think I’m over I think I’m free#i talk it out with the guy and we laugh like she friendzoned both of us lol#there is a shift in our dynamic after that#my feelings for him return like a speedtrain#he is flirting with me tremoundously saying he loves me (then joking like not in that way but also saying that if he liked me he wouldn’t te#ll me)#next week I’m going to his place for a sleep over#IN THE SAME BED#it’s just the same as with the girl (yes I also laid next to her)#and this guy is excited goddamn#he also will just not stop bringing up th fact that various people think we’re dating#he was like I’m gonna make your parents think we’re dating by giving you a kiss on the forehead#anyway pray neither of them see this#but god oh dear#this is thee most insane love triangle I’ve ever heard of#delete later
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cosmos-coma · 3 months
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My Sun, My Star
A/N: I'm so weak for Winter soldier Bucky. I cant wait to write more of him, I love this sad guilt ridden man.
Pairing: Winter Soldier!Bucky x Reader
Words: 6756
Warnings: Breaking and entering, Minor violence, Injury and Blood, Winter soldier Bucky, GN reader but also Pregnant reader, mild language, I'm not sure if this is fluff or angst or both??
Summary: You wait up late for your boyfriend Bucky to return from his mission, but it isn't Bucky who finds you.
Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue | Bucky Masterlist
Like what I do? Consider buying me a Coffee!
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Your eyes blinked slowly, heavier with each passing second, yet you still managed to open them once again. Glancing at the bright white numbers of the digital clock you watched it change to 1:46 AM, causing a groan to pull from your lips. Bucky was supposed to be back tonight (yesterday technically) from his latest mission, but he still had yet to show up at your shared flat. 
You checked your phone again, the lack of notifications mocking your tired eyes. You let out one more sigh before you turned off the mindless babbling of the TV and stood up to get ready for bed. You were sure Bucky wouldn’t want you waiting up so late in your current condition anyway, he had been harping you about getting enough sleep and water and everything in between.
“I’m only four months pregnant, Bucky. I’m fully capable of staying up late” You had said to him. 
“Five months, Doll, and it’s about your cortisol levels. It’s not good for you or the baby, and it could lead to them being underweight” he said, reciting exactly what the doctor had told him during your last checkup. 
“Four and a half,” you argued as you stuck your tongue out at him, “and she was talking about getting chased by a bear kind of stress, not staying up to watch Bake Off.” 
You snorted at the memory of just earlier that week, a small smile coming to your face as you went through your nightly routine. You continued to check your phone here and there as you went, “Did you get back safe? How’d your mission go?” you had texted two hours ago, yet it still remained unread and unanswered.  
‘Maybe one more quick text wouldn’t hurt,’  you thought to yourself as you typed out the simple message and hit send. 
“Stay safe, okay? I love you.”
You sighed as you set the phone down, “it’s okay, everything is okay,” you assured yourself as you pulled one of his large hoodies over your head, enjoying the way the hem brushed against your bare thighs and the sleeves threatened to swallow your hands. “He’s a former assassin and a super soldier! Nothing is going to happen that he can’t handle,” You stated firmly to your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes remained unsure despite your voice’s conviction, but you did your best to ignore it, focusing instead on the achingly tired look they held. 
“Yes, I know. It’s finally time for bed, little one,” you mumbled sleepily as you felt your baby kick against the walls of your protruding belly, being quick to climb between the layers of blankets and lonesome sheets. “Fuck, that's cold…!” you swore quietly as your bare legs hit the icy fabric- having gone unwarmed by your personal space heater and super soldier.
Thankfully sleep came easily, the thought of waking up to Bucky’s sleepy, scruffy face only further urged your body to wind down so the moment would come sooner. 
----
Bucky’s phone buzzed again in his bag, lighting up with your smiling face as your text displayed on the screen, but nobody reached down to check it, as everyone found themselves in a far more urgent situation. 
“Keep him busy, Rodgers! I just need one more minute!” Tony yelled as he dug through the equipment in the quinjet, “For fuck’s sake, who organized this last?” 
“What do you think I’m doing…!” The blond grunted with a justified hint of frustration,” Sam? Any help??” He shouted with a pointed look, telling more than asking as he struggled to restrain his thrashing friend. A swift metal fist flew toward his already battered face, barely giving him time to duck out of the way and attempt to restrain it again. 
“Honestly? Seems like you’ve got this one,” Sam said, holding up his hands.
“SAM.” 
“I’m coming..! God, can’t either of you old men take a joke?”
No one knew exactly what happened, Bucky had gone off on his own in the Hydra base they were exploring. It was supposed to have been recently abandoned, something about the agents leaving in an urgent rush that left files upon files sitting out in the open. It was supposed to be a simple mission; everyone goes off in teams, gathers what they can, and makes sure there are no surprises. But Bucky assured them that he would be fine to go on his own, he hadn’t had a sign of relapse in over a year, and he would only be picking up what looked important. A simple job.
He should’ve listened. 
It was when he didn’t return to the jet with the rest of them that they started to get worried. 
“So, where’s the Manchurian candidate?” Tony jested, looking at his watch. They were supposed to leave maybe 10 minutes ago, not terribly late by any means, but enough to start getting worried about Bucky’s quietness over the coms.  
“Man, come on.. ” Sam sighed at Tony’s joke as he crossed his arms. 
“Bucky?” Steve tried calling over the coms, ignoring both of his teammates, but the line remained all too quiet. 
They found him finally in the basement level of the office building, old discarded computers lining the walls along with cabinets upon cabinets of old files and other equipment. He hadn’t even realized it was a trap until he stepped right into it, triggering a switch that had the computers and hidden speakers flashing images and sounds that assaulted his senses with fragmented memories long forgotten. 
He should have listened. 
Sam had found him first, on his knees in the middle of the floor with hands desperately covering his ears, trying to block out the incessant noise. Hauling his teammate to his feet, he rushed back to the jet, calling everyone off from their search before anything else could be sprung. 
At first, they thought he might be fine- quiet, but fine. He had given them a small smile and a wave of his hand as everyone tried to check in with him, taking a seat as the jet took off to go home. It had all seemed relatively normal until they were halfway back and the unseen battle inside him must have taken a turn. 
“Got it!” Tony yelled as he pulled out the dart gun, aiming quickly as he fired two shots into Bucky’s chest, readying a third as he waited and watched for the tranquilizers to finally take effect. It was slow as Bucky continued to struggle against the drug’s drain, his body and mind turning into slow-moving molasses. Low grunts emanated from his throat as the last of his strength ebbed away, leaving nothing but forced sleep in its wake. 
“Was two really necessary?” Steve asked as his shoulders finally relaxed, the strain and worry now temporarily over. 
Together they dragged the drugged-up assassin into the jet’s small quarantine area for the remainder of the trip, satisfied only when they heard the mechanical locks slide into place. It wasn’t much, and they knew that and if he really wanted to there would be no stopping him from getting out, but it was something- enough to give them a few seconds of preparation if nothing else.  
“I’m not giving a super soldier only a single dose, you two metabolize things like this way too fast and I’m not taking any chances with the Tin man over there.”
Bucky- no, the Winter Soldier, seemed to still be out of it when they finally landed, sat up and leaning against the wall, head slumped forward just as they had left him. 
“Alright, let's just get him into one of the holding rooms for the night. We’ll work on resetting him-” Tony lifted his hands as the two men glared in his direction, “- on ‘fixing him up’ as soon as he’s been secured.” 
Sam shook his head as Tony corrected himself, taking notice of the lit-up phone in Bucky’s bag, buzzing with an only recently delivered message. Sam had quickly become one of your closest friends after you were introduced to the team. He was one of the few people Bucky trusted with his life and between his sarcastic jokes, his incredibly loyal nature, and his willingness to give Bucky shit whenever he deserved it, you knew very quickly how great a friend he would be. 
But now his stomach twisted as he saw your name flash across the screen, the alert quickly minimizing itself as it joined the other messages you had sent that night. How was he gonna break this to you? The last thing you needed was a bunch of unnecessary stress on your shoulders, but it’s obvious you were beginning to worry over their late return. Sliding the phone back into its rightful place Sam told himself that he’d call you once they had things more figured out.
“Heart rate still seems to be resting. With any luck, he’ll remain knocked out until we get inside,” Tony relayed as he monitored the Soldier’s vitals and pressed the button to open the heavy quarantine doors.
The doors slid into their resting positions with a soft click. 
As soon as that click landed on sensitive ears, vibrant blue eyes shot open. Sparing not even a second, the Winter Soldier surged forward from his seat, not nearly as far gone as he left them to believe. With the element of surprise, the Soldier easily knocked past his teammates, throwing his body weight against them and knocking Sam and Steve off balance, leaving him a good headstart as he dashed out the jet’s open door.
“Fuck, Bucky- Wait!,” Steve swore as he stumbled out behind him, having to use his super soldier speed just to keep pace. But between the settled darkness of the night, and the winding alleyways the brunette stuck to, Steve was left falling behind in no time. “Shit,” Steve swore as he slowed to a stop, looking around for any sign of his compromised friend. 
However, the streets lay barren, the fluttering of moths in the streetlights the only sign of life on the entire block.
---
The heavy thud of his boots echoed against the alleyway’s pavement. He wasn't sure where exactly he was headed as his silhouette slunk between the warm light of the streetlamps, but part of him- a currently repressed part of him- knew that safety was bound to be just ahead. 
His heart beat smoothly as he kept his pace, every other step falling in time as he rounded the corner. Blindly, he let himself be led by instinct and his feet maneuvered the city’s countless paths with a mind of their own. They slowed before a little apartment building and as those emotionless eyes looked up, he knew this was it.
The lateness of the hour had almost assured that no one was around as he slipped inside, footsteps padding up the stairs before stopping at the third floor. His heavy boots left nothing but wet prints in their wake as he wandered down the hall, impossibly silent, as even the notoriously creaky boards dared not announce his presence. 
The closer he got, the more the back of his mind itched, as if something- someone- was begging him not to go any further, but he refused to listen; he knew this was where he was meant to be and where he would find what his body was so inexplicably drawn to.
With each step his head turned on a swivel, looking for the sense of safety and familiarity that the other half of him seemed to find here- and desperately wished he wouldn’t discover. Just as his foot was about to take another step he stopped. ‘No. Here.’ His gut told him, turning to the door. 
His door.
Your door.
The former assassin bypassed the lock with ease, quickly slipping in before shutting the door behind him. A dim light illuminated the living room, the little lamp you left on for him casting its orange glow over his surroundings as he surveyed them.
A few mugs stand beside the sink, framed photos dot the wall and side tables, and a veritable nest of blankets lay across the couch. It was obvious someone had been here, and recently. A deep breath pulled into his lungs, causing his head to tilt to the side in contemplation as an unfamiliar scent hit his nose, something just as earthy as it was sweet and speckled with distant notes of… him?
“Hmmph”  
His sensitive ears picked up the soft grunt from down the hall immediately. His shoulders squared and tensed as his body leaned into a defensive position. Cautious fingers pulled the knife from his boot, ready for whatever may come at him as he approached. 
The sounds of soft breaths lead him to a door left ajar. Light just slipped past the curtains into the darkened room. Badum… Badum… Badum… a heartbeat pulsed in his ears as he took a step closer, leaving the door open and letting further light fall onto the source of the noise. 
His wolfish gaze ran down your form as you lay there on your back, swallowed in the extra fabric of the old sweatshirt. Your hand rested casually over your stomach as your other one squished gently against your cheek. Your legs lay bare to the world after having kicked the overbearing sheets away, leaving just a glance of your underwear for him to take in.  
“Mmph” You grunted again as you shifted, your face now turned to him as that earthy scent of yours gripped him like a vice and refused to let go.
Your sweet sleep became interrupted though- much to his dismay- as the phone on your nightstand began to light up and buzz incessantly. Still, as a statue he watched as you groaned, propping yourself up on your elbows as you went to check what your device could possibly want at this ungodly hour. 
With one loose fist, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes away, blinking consciousness back into them until you saw Bucky’s illuminated figure before you, standing tall and quiet as he watched you intently. 
“Bucky..?” You couldn’t hide the grin that spread across your face as you saw the familiar face of your lover lit up by the bright light of your phone screen. But the longer you looked the more you noticed.
His eyes were all wrong, his gaze was devoid, that’s the only way you could put it. Devoid of meaning and humanity, it seemed every gaze- every movement- was a means to an end. Empty… save for a flicker of fear; It was probably the only thing in those eyes right now that registered as human. The fear of someone who was lost, unknowing of their purpose, and confused as to why your gaze was made his cold heart falter.
His expression was flat and stoic, save for the knit of confusion that pulled his brows together. His stance was tense and prepared, the discrete knife still glittering in his hands as he took another step forward, his head slowly shaking in response to your question. 
A gasp caught in your throat as you finally understood. Glancing at your phone you saw it was Sam who was calling, undoubtedly trying to tell you what you now already knew.
“Soldat…” You whispered, trying to hide the way his name sent shivers across your skin. Your phone went black then, as you didn’t pick up in time and you were left blind by the sudden darkness.
 You and Bucky had talked about what to do if you found him like this, “You call Sam and Steve, Okay? You find a place to hide and you stay far away, no matter what you hear. There’s no reasoning with him,” He had told you.
So much for that
Your phone lit up again with Sam’s urgent call, its revealing light sending ice down your spine as you saw the man nearly standing over you now, just a hair’s breadth away.
Your hand rose slowly, shaking as you tested a reach for your phone, stopping dead in your tracks as he let out a disapproving grunt. Your head nodded slowly as you gulped, returning your hand to your stomach as you watched his gaze finally shift away. 
With unbothered calmness, he looked toward your phone to see Sam’s face and name scrawled across your screen. Wordlessly he reached over and pressed the ‘decline call’ button, cutting the call short and leaving you two in perfect silence once more. 
Panic began to rise in your throat as his gaze turned back toward you, darkened now only by the lack of light. With slow movements the Winter Soldier reached out, putting the knife away as he crouched down, as if trying to attract a skittish animal. 
Your whole body tensed as his reach came closer, eyes screwing shut as you waited for the worst, “Please… Just don’t hurt her…” You whispered, fear and desperation rattling your voice, just as it did your anxiety-filled body. 
But the pain never came. Instead, the cool touch of metal fingers ran down your cheek, barely denting your flesh as he relished in its softness. Your eyes peeked open cautiously, as his fingers moved along the slope of your jaw, tilting your head up as he came to your chin. 
His eyes had changed, you noticed, instead of being a harsh blizzard, they had now settled into something more human, something warmer and… yearning? 
“Soldat..?” You questioned as you watched his lips part, his senses focused only on the way your body reacted to his touch. You were sure he could hear the rapid pattering of your heart beneath your ribs, its pace only increasing as his fingers moved down your neck and to the exposed collarbone in your loose neckline.
“Красивый [Beautiful]...,” was all he could reply. It came out so soft you weren’t sure you heard it at first, it’s quiet reverence meant for your ears and your ears only. “Из-за тебя он чувствует себя здесь в безопасности...? Замки дерьмовые, видимость слишком высокая, но ты… [Are you why he feels safe here…? The locks are shit, the visibility is too high, but you…]” He continued, quiet and unbothered as if he assumed you couldn’t understand him. 
“He’s been bugging me to get better locks all week…” you replied with a huff, quickly shutting up as his stare found your eyes again. Between Bucky’s ramblings in the night and Natasha’s tendency to only gossip in Russian, you had made an effort to learn it; You were still learning, and your pronunciation was shit, but your understanding had gotten far better. 
“And you have a good ear…” He spoke in English this time, the vague hint of an amused smile pulling at the assassin’s stern lips. You couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever done that before. If that odd little smile had been seen by anyone else- anyone still living that is.
A breath of relief left you as your lips stretched to mimic his, the tension easing out of your body a little by little.
His metallic touch continued to linger, running down your covered chest until it settled on the waistband of your underwear, the cool metal trailing across your ticklish skin. 
“Ah, wait, Sol-” You jumped at his touch, grabbing his wrist, despite knowing you wouldn’t have the strength to stop him if it’s what he wanted.
But instead of dipping his fingers lower, he simply tugged the oversized hoodie up, gathering it over your chest and exposing the firm baby bump concealed below. His head tilted to the side as he listened to the tiny heartbeat that fluttered in your belly as well as the thuds of its little movements against your skin. Slowly, still with that inkling of a smile, he turned to look at you, his hand hovering just above your vulnerable midsection as if awaiting permission. 
Heat rose to your cheeks as you hesitated. On one hand, you felt a surprising amount of calm under the assassin's touch, his need for your approval only increasing your sense of security. But on the other hand, Bucky would never be able to live with himself if something happened to you or the baby, accident or not. 
“Oh. I-” 
CRASH.
You nearly jumped out of your skin as were cut short by the loud noise. The door to your apartment slammed open, surely breaking the hinges with the sheer force of it. Over a dozen heavy boots stormed into your apartment as the lights turned on, flooding your senses and forcing the Soldier’s attention elsewhere. 
Your hand found his instantly, the heat of his calloused skin a comfort to you just the way Bucky’s was, especially as it squeezed around yours just the same. Sitting up properly now your sweatshirt swallowed your pregnant form once again and you peeked out to see just what was going on. 
Through The Winter Soldier’s defensive stance in front of you, his knife is now drawn once more, you watched a small armed group, covered in black tactical gear raid your home, all guns pointing towards you- or more accurately- the former assassin attempting to shield you. You recognized the symbols on their vests as the team’s secondary security force, having even met a few of them over the years. But where was the rest of the team? Where was Sam, and Steve, and Tony?
“Step away from the civilian!” “Put your hands in the air!” “Sir, drop the knife!” They all shouted, overlapping with each other as each of them rushed out their demands. 
“Don't shoot! It’s okay! It’s okay!” You rushed.
You tried to slip your hand from his, but he only held fast, “Soldat, please… It’s okay, just do what they say… They don’t want to hurt us. Please,” You urged, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, 
His defenses faltered as he listened to you beg him to stand down. It wasn’t the usual begging he heard in his line of work, and coming from your lips had his walls cracking in an unprecedented way. 
He shouldn’t have looked back at your eyes, wide and pleading, as they shook his walls further. Moving slowly he turned, kneeling before you despite the way the armed group yelled at him not to. You just held up your hand to them, pleading for them to be as gentle with him as he was with you. 
“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” The warm flesh of his hand came up easily to cradle your face and a small smile pulled at him again as you leaned into his large palm. “Я только что нашел тебя. Я не потеряю тебя снова так быстро[I’ve only just found you. I will not lose you again so quickly]. ”
Your heart both swelled and pained for your Soldier. You looked into his eyes and saw a sense of certainty, a sense of knowing, you hadn’t seen from him earlier. “Oh… my soldier, my star,” Your fingers entwined with the hand holding your cheek, ”You can not lose me in any way that would last…” You whispered to him past the shouts, the commotion, and the tension, like you were the only two in the room. 
“Sir, put the knife down!” A young squad member called again, his voice far more concerned than his superiors. You didn’t recognize him or his number and you figured he must’ve been new. His gun trembled in his hands as he shouted again, but as the Soldier failed to move and the kid’s finger unexpectedly twitched, there came a sudden- 
BANG.
“Ah-!” Your face twisted with pain as you pulled away, “Fuck…!” Your hands instinctively grabbed your leg, clamping over the shooting pain in your calf that hit you- well- like a bullet. 
You winced again as you pulled one of your hands back, the raw skin of your leg angrily letting you know that it did not like being brushed against. Warm, wet crimson covered your fingers as you looked down, becoming slightly dizzy at how much had already covered your palm. You were thankful it only seemed to be a graze, but the burn you already felt and knowing you were losing blood had your stomach lurching in uncomfortable ways. 
Concern painted the assassin’s expression as you recoiled away from his doting touch, but as the unmistakable warm, metallic smell curled into his nose, his expression darkened dramatically. What was once kind, curious blue eyes now saw nothing but red as he caught sight of the wound slashing across your skin. His jaw set firmly, almost audibly grinding his teeth as he stood and turned to the young kid. 
You looked back at the newcomer as you tried to breathe through the pain, the horrified look on his face telling you that he knew he was a dead man walking. His face went ghost white as the super soldier stalked toward him and through even worse trembling hands he raised his gun to shoot again. 
“No…!”
A sickening thud rang out as the bullet hit the assassin square in his good shoulder, getting lodged in the muscly flesh. His shoulder jerked back at the force, but it wouldn’t stop his stride as he closed the gap. Another shot rang out, but with the solid vibranium arm now covering the barrel it did little to help this poor dumb kid. Snatching him by the neck, you watched as your assassin held him up until his feet kicked uselessly in the air. 
Every gun immediately trained on him and with their proximity you knew they wouldn’t miss a fatal shot if it came to it.
“Stop! Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! Soldier, put him down!” You yelled as you maneuvered towards the edge of the bed. “Please, don't shoot, I can fix this!” you continued, trying to convince yourself as much as you convinced them. Familiar voices joined in on your plea as Sam and Steve finally entered the picture, urgently trying to talk down both the Winter Soldier and the secondary security team. 
“Bucky, It’s okay... Just put the kid down, alright?” Steve tried to reason with him, “He’s new, he doesn’t know what he’s doing yet.” Steve tried his best to stay calm and patient, but the young man was beginning to change colors now. “Bucky, put him down before you do something you can’t come back from.” But Bucky’s ears were deaf to the outside pleas and the Winter soldier refused to listen.
“Ah..!” You whimpered as you tried to stand and approach the commotion. The pain in your leg reached new heights as you tried to put weight on it, causing you to tumble to your knees almost immediately. You clutched your belly, hoping the sudden jostle wouldn’t upset the baby too much as you tried to get up again. 
“Hold on, Y/n. Stay down for a minute so we can wrap your leg…” Sam asked of you, moving over to help as soon as he saw the blood on your hands, “You’re losing plenty already.”
“No, I have to…. I can’t let him get hurt,” you argued, pushing away his helpful hands as you tried to stand again. You heard the crashing thud and rushed voices as you shakily got to your feet, leaning all your weight on your good leg. As you looked up again you came eye to eye with worry-filled icy blues.
“Sol-”
“Мое солнце  [My Sun]...” He interrupted, his metal arm snaking around your waist to pull you in possessively and away from those who threatened your safety. On the other side of the room, the nervous kid now coughed and wheezed for breath, but you were just happy to see he was still alive. 
“Please just listen to them. You’re already hurt, don’t get yourself killed…” you pleaded, your hand barely brushing over his bleeding wound before pulling his hand to your rounded belly. He tried to keep his expression steady, but you saw the way his eyes widened slightly as he looked down. “She needs someone looking out for her and I can’t do this on my own. I can’t keep away all the dangers of the world…” Your forehead rested against his as you tried to shift your weight, whining as you gave up and moved back. You couldn’t deny that this part of Bucky was her father too, even if he had been hidden away for ages, she was still his too. Whether Bucky would see it the same way you weren’t sure, but right now you were just concerned with making sure he got out of this alive. 
“I can’t do this without you…” 
The silence felt deafening as he considered. He never had to think about other people relying on him, not like this. His orders had always been to leave no threats, to finish his job and move on, no matter the cost to him. But the pain in his soft, fleshy shoulder was getting harder to ignore. The way his blood-soaked shirt clung to his arm now climbed to the forefront of his mind as he watched your big eyes stare back at him, desperate to understand. He was between a rock and a hard place. 
“I’ll be right beside you the whole time..” You assured him, “We both will, but please let everyone get us some help.” 
A gentle nudge pushed against his palm as his thoughts swirled around him, snapping him back to a single line of thought and he knew then. Defeat laid heavy on his shoulders as they slumped, accepting what must be done., “Мое солнц [My Sun] …”, He said, “Если вы так хотите, то я не буду жаловаться [If it is what you wish, then I will not complain].” 
You couldn’t tell just how long you had been holding the breath you let out, your muscles relaxing as he finally held his hands up. The security squad began coming forward with an array of cuffs, but it was Sam who stopped them this time, glancing back at you for confirmation as he assured them that they could take it from here. Despite the arguing and the hesitation, they seemed to relent, shifting their focus now to their injured colleague. 
Both Sam and Steve looked tired but relieved as they turned to the two of you, bloody and pained in your current state. Though they weren’t quite better; both of them looked like they had been the unfortunate punching bag of a certain super soldier mere hours before. Sam had bruises lining his arms from where he was surely blocking blow after blow and Steve smiled a bit with his busted lip, dried blood still stuck in the corner of his mouth.
“Let’s get you two to the tower…” 
----
The journey to the tower was quiet, your soldier never letting you out of arms reach as you all boarded the armored truck, and made your way up the tower and to the lab. 
Doctors tried to treat the both of you, but as soon as anyone dared to come close your assassin was right there to growl them back. They’d hardly be able to get past his possessive hands even if they could manage to get close, his touch keeping you pulled beside him at all times.
“Soldat…” you warned him, but he was too preoccupied gathering the medical bag they had been dropped. Coming over to you, there was no warning as he scooped you up from the ground and set you on a table to get to work. 
“Oh-!” You exclaimed as you held onto his strong shoulder, quickly getting plopped back down on the corner of the cold metal table. A shiver ran down your skin as you shifted against the sleek table, watching as practiced hands scoured through the medical bag, producing everything he needed as he went about fixing up your leg wordlessly. 
You were beyond thankful for the haze of the (baby-safe) painkillers as his fingers slid over the raw flesh. Despite the gentle numbing of the painkiller your fingers still lay tangled in his hair as he worked, only tugging in discomfort as the gauze wrapped tightly around your leg.
"Thank you..” You said when he finally finished, moving back to appreciate his work before giving it a satisfactory nod. His eyes had grown distant again, bits of confusion and uncertainty swirling in the storm of his eyes, and you reached out to stroke your thumb across his cheek. His stony cool expression remained as you touched him, his mouth staying a firm line as he instinctively leaned into your palm. You watched him for a moment before you continued, knowing that his thoughts must be far away.
“It's your turn now, big guy.... your shoulder is still seeping and you can’t keep losing blood like this," You urged him just as you had on the ride to the tower. He had refused to listen then, letting nothing else occupy his mind until he knew you were fully taken care of. But now as you sit safely before him, the only looming threats being Sam and Steve who seem to haunt the hallway outside, he finally relented.
You moved to stand, needing the angle to effectively dig out the bullet still lodged in his muscles, but he held you still with a single large hand on your shoulder, "Stay," he urged you with that low rumble of his. His eyes lingered on yours, ensuring you would do as he asked before he began to move again, gathering the supplies you would need.
He slid his bloody shirt off, revealing the weeping wound beneath and the scars of many wounds past. You expected him to stand in front of you, maybe sit so you could take care of him, but that didn’t seem to be the important thing right now.
He climbed up onto the cold table where you sat, curling onto his side with his back facing the door so his wounded shoulder sat closest to you. His head lay in your lap with a look of unmatched serenity as he pressed his forehead against your rounded belly. And there he rested, quiet and unmoving as he took his quiet moment. But he was far too exposed like this, far too trusting of “threats” lurking outside, and he almost reminded you of Bucky again. Was Bucky fighting to come back…? Was the Winter Soldier trusting you to watch his back? … or was he accepting of something you weren't sure he knew yet?
"Are you sure? It's going to be harder to take the bullet out this way. I don’t want to hurt you more than I have to," you tried to explain as you pulled out the forceps.
But he simply shook his head, "I know my time here is short, my Sun..." he said with an even tone, no semblance of fear to shake his voice, "Please let me enjoy it like this…."
Your voice caught in your throat as he answered, his blunt acceptance and knowing catching you off guard. You wished beyond anything that you could soothe him, to tell him no one was going to hurt him or take him away again. But you wouldn’t lie to him, so instead you said nothing, Your words rasping as you replied, "Of course, My star…."
The room was quiet as you worked, the only noise the sweet mumblings from your boyfriend's lips as he filled your baby’s ears with loving promises. His body let out a grunt and a soft squelch as you finally tugged the crushed bullet out. Pain creased his brow but his words never faltered and neither did the nudges or kicks he got in reply.
Carefully you cleaned up the blood, packing the wound as best you could, but you were sure Tony and his team would be redoing it soon nonetheless.
A sigh escaped him as he heard you putting away your tools, "My Sun?" he asked.
"Yes?"
“Is it time…?”
You cast your eyes downward, looking into those confused and swirling blues as they watched you with unbridled hope.
You nodded, wiping away the tears that welled in your eyes, “It’s time…” you whispered.
He nodded, thinking quietly as he looked down at your belly again, his hand smoothing over the skin he’s exposed, “Will I see you two again…?” 
Your heart broke at the slight waver in his voice, “Oh, my star…” you said, resting your palm against his cheek, “It’s just like I said, ‘you can not lose me in any way that would last’. I’ll see you again and again, in this life and the next,” you assured as you leaned down to kiss his temple, a small smile forming at the corners of his lips. Tears blinked from your eyes as you continued, “I don’t know when, or for how long, but you will see us again. You can always come home to me, and I will always be there to welcome you.” You leaned, slow as not to scare him, and kissed him gently as he turned again to look at you.
 It was awkward at first, but you didn’t mind, you couldn’t imagine the last time the Winter Soldier had felt such gentleness, let alone a kiss. 
But the moment was ripped away as the door opened, Steve, Sam, and Tony all standing in the doorway. “We’re ready for him,” Tony said simply, “Let's get this started so my lab techs can go home….” 
-----
You watched behind thick glass as Tony and his team of technicians attached various wires and machinery to Bucky’s body. Sam and Steve’s hands lie on your shoulders, trying to comfort you as you watch them finish tuning and placing everything. You watched as his blue eyes stared vacantly at the ceiling, as still as a statue as he let them do their work.
“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to watch this…” Steve tried to comfort you, but you only shook your head. 
“No… I promised I’d see him off,” you replied, then thought with a pause, “Despite all the warnings Bucky gave me I’m happy I got to see him face to face…” 
“Well, it helps that he wasn’t trying to beat the shit out of you…” Sam mumbled, getting an immediate nudge from you right in one of his bruises, “ Ow…okay, point taken.”
You smiled and shook your head. It was true though; despite the fear, blood, and death that dripped from his moniker, despite the pain you endured in his presence, you would do it all again. Bucky had hidden this part of him from you for so long, only ever showing you half of his face. And though you know he wouldn’t like it, you’re happy to finally see him in full light- to know and love him completely as he’s meant to be.
Tony says something that’s hard to make out through the glass, but you see him give a thumbs up to you all so he must have been ready. He moved to the switch, hesitating for a moment to let you say a quick goodbye. 
Your Soldier’s eyes found yours right away, but there was no trace of sorrow for you to see, no discomfort or fear. In fact, he seemed almost excited; excited and hopeful that when he saw you next he’d have a bundle of joy to look forward to as well. 
“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” you watched him say beyond the glass.
“I’ll see you again, My stars. I’m sure of it…” You replied with a soft smile.
He had just enough time to smile softly back at you, an image now pleasantly etched in your brain before Tony flipped the switch and the reset procedure began. 
You covered your eyes quickly as Bucky’s body began to convulse, his strained grunts and shouts breaching containment despite the way he tried to hold it all back. The sounds of pain continued for minutes, but it felt far longer. Though, it wasn’t until it got quiet that you began to worry. 
“Is it done? Is it over...?” You asked the men on either side of you, afraid to peek past your hands for fear of the worst.
“Doll…?” you heard the familiar voice call, gritty and rough from its recent use but still carrying that same soft tone he used with you.
Your heart swelled, “Bucky...?”
_____________
Taglist: @writingmysanity @simpxinnie (sorry I forgot to tag!)
It's been a while since I've written for our favorite sad man, so if I've missed you/you want to be added to the taglist, DM me to let me know!
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twinsarekeepers · 4 months
Text
“This isn’t the Arch, seaweed brain. You’re not pushing me into the stairwell again.”
First of all, LINE DELIVERY?? Leah Sava Jeffries is an ACTRESS because ‘seaweed brain’ is actually so corny and it would simply feel like fan-service if they included it earlier or in another context but this was so natural and I was so swept up by all the other amazing things happening that I was excited about it but also keyed into the rest of the scene.
But the way this perfectly displays her fatal flaw. She will not let this boy trick her again (spoiler: he does). She was caught off guard at the Arch because she wasn’t familiar with his game but now she’s ready. She WILL die for him and that is final.
“Yes, I am.”
This was CRAZY?? Percy Jackson #1 mentally unstable man because how is he determined to win every ‘sacrifice myself’ off with her? And he says it to her face too. He does not care for the games anymore, he’s fully telling her that he needs her to live.
“I’m not going to let you this time. It doesn’t work that way!”
This made me so incredibly sad. Annabeth is still thinking in transactions. She’s thinking about how he made a sacrifice in the Arch so it’s her turn now. This is how relationships work. This is how every relationship she’s had works. She literally can’t comprehend how he doesn’t see it that way. How he could be selfless enough to sacrifice himself for her TWICE. How he could care about her enough to believe she deserves it even after she was the reason they were in the Arch in the first place (my baby my baby say it with me now you’re my baby).
“It’s why you’re here!”
“Excuse me?”
This was so soft like I just *screaming crying gif*. The last time she said ‘excuse me’ to him she was pissed off about him bringing up Athena but now she’s just confused and sad. Like, she trying to figure out what he means by this. Does he think she’s so heartless and robotic that she’d just let him die for her own gain?
I also love how they don’t have her say ‘what?’ because it just adds this extra layer of how Annabeth has trained herself to be more mature in everything she does, even her language, because she believes that if she’s not perfect, she’s not worthy of love and affection and maybe even existing (literally sobbing wtf).
“When I was choosing my team, I told Chiron I needed someone who wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice me if the quest required it. He agreed. That was you.”
I was confused at first about this because I thought Annabeth knew Percy thought this about her until I went back and watched the choosing ceremony again. He’s definitely keeping his voice lower as he speaks to Chiron and both Chiron and him are raising their voice as they address the other campers so makes sense that she wouldn’t have heard him.
But also, this just adds so much to literally everything. Because, in the beginning, Percy didn’t think him and Annabeth would become friends. He genuinely did think that she would sacrifice him if she had to and he thought he’d be able to curb it. He thought he’d be able to fight Annabeth if it came to it because she might choose the quest over his mom and he couldn’t allow that.
But now here he is, after getting to know her, and seeing her vulnerability and bravery and strength and courage and wisdom and passion and everything that makes her so beautiful and wonderful and amazing and his friend. She’s his friend and she’d never betray him. She’d never sacrifice him. She’d rather sacrifice herself before she ever did anything to harm him.
And he’s apologizing to her. Listen to the way Walker says the last line (again, THE ACTING). It’s literally a confession because he feels so bad that he ever believed that about her. And now he’s making her do it. He’s making her do this thing that he once thought she’d have done without hesitation. He’s thinking about the Fates cutting that string and he’s thinking about his own words to Chiron and how Chiron agreed and he’s thinking about how Annabeth said that prophecies aren’t always clear and he fully believes that he’s figured it out. This is fate. Annabeth would sacrifice him and complete the prophecy. She’ll be the friend that betrays him but not because she wanted to and he will fail to save what matters most, his own life.
This entire exchange was very insane. It’s my Roman Empire. I can’t stop thinking about it because it shows their motivations and their viewpoints and their internal struggles so so so well like I can’t even … I’m having a malfunction.
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multific · 10 months
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Black Quill
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Mattheo Riddle x Reader
Summary: You never liked Umbridge, but who did? The woman was miserable and cruel. Her power in the school grew day after day.
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You knew about her pen, you heard the tales from other students long before you entered detention.
Seeing the smirk on her face, the power-hungry bitch handed you a piece of paper.
"Now, Miss Y/L/N, today we are going to learn a really important lesson."
You felt a shiver run down your spine, now you didn't feel so confident.
Earlier that day, you were late for her class, and on top of all of that, you even said that her dress as ugly, detention was a given at that point. But you didn’t care.
However, what she made you write was something way more sinister.
You were prepared for a 'I must not be late' or 'I have to respect my teachers' but not this.
You only felt a tear escape your eyes when you left the room, you weren't ready to give her the satisfaction of seeing you cry.
You headed back to your room, not wanting to see anyone but of course your friends had another idea. You ran into all of them in the corridor. You assumed they have been waiting for you.
"Ah! Y/N! Finished with detention are you?" Asked Theodore as he was the one to first see you. Mattheo, Pansy, Theodore and Draco were all there, just chatting.
"She made you write with that pen?" Pansy asked and you could only nod.
"I cannot believe they are letting her do this! It is torture!" spoke up Draco.
You stood next to your boyfriend who offered you a warm smile, you smiled back but you could tell he was worried. He moved his arm around you as he smoked and you leaned into him, smelling him and just having him there did help you calm your nerves.
Soon, all of you decided to head back to your dorms to sleep but Mattheo followed you into your common room.
"What did she make you write?" he asked and you turned around to look at him, you opened your mouth to say something but couldn't. "I always know when something is off, and you have been hiding your hand. If it was something simple, you wouldn't hide it in front of me and your friends."
You let out a long sigh before moving your sleeve and showing him your hand.
You watched him closely, you watched his face as sadness turned into anger.
Pure rage.
---
"What?" you asked Umbrige, looking at her in disbelief with the quill in your hand you looked up at her..
"You heard me Miss Y/L/N, start writing." she said as she took a seat at her desk.
"But I-I am here because I was late to class, not b-"
"Stop it. Start writing," she said as she started to sip her tea looking at you with a disgusting smile on her face.
---
"I will kill her."
"Mattheo please." you grabbed his arm as he tried to leave, turning him back to look at you, he was angry, you have never seen him this angry before. "I don't want to be alone." you said, voice barely above a whisper and you knew, this would work, he would stay and hug you. 
And that is exactly what he did.
You felt so safe in his arms, not even the burning of your skin and the words on your skin could distract you.
'I must not love a Riddle.'
But you did. You loved Mattheo and nothing will change your mind, not the pain, and not Umbridge.
You knew this wasn't the end. You knew Mattheo more than anyone. 
After all, when you two started dating almost two years ago, he promised to you and to himself that he will never let his last name be a burden to you.
He will have his revenge.
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Taglist: @fleursirvart @greenarrowhead @thisismysecrethappyplace @sincerelyfan @theoneanna @aestheticsandmarvel @rororo06 @castellandiangelo @destynelseclipsa @spilledinkindumpster​ @capsiclesdoll @puknow​ @alwayshave-faith​ @alex12948​ @lxdyred​  @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl​ @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @praline357​ @trshngyn​ @avengers-r-us​ @violet-19999​ @top1bbgloak​   @manduse​   @jacalineiscomingforyou​  @mandoloriancookie​ @noname2246​
~Masterlist~
ˇAO3ˇ
DO NOT STEAL, REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS
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dazai-ritualist · 1 month
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How about yandere! Alastor (human) with a reader who ran away from him... Reader and Alastor are married out of obligation (because of the decade), but what no one counted on was that Alastor really fell in love and was obsessed with his wife, but the reader didn't ...because of work and his secret (that he killed people and devoured them) Alastor hardly spent time with the reader.. Reader then began to fall in love and have a secret relationship, without Alastor knowing.. . So even though reader didn't want to hurt Alastor, since she saw him as a friend (more than her husband), reader ran away with her lover and passion... Leaving behind a very angry Alastor... (reader doesn't know what Alastor It's true)... What would happen?
NO ONE’S BETTER THAN I AM
— the feeling of a fresh love— oh, how wonderful. you only wished that man would have been alastor, just so that he wouldn’t have hunt your true love.
— hey pals 🔥🔥!! i took manipulation tactics from my social studies class and mother gothel, did i do well? HAHAHA :]
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being married to alastor, the radio show host is quite the sensation in your town. you grew to be quite a local celebrity, many women even attempting to befriend you to get closer with your husband.
although, because of your marriage, many assumed you were a woman of many talents and high intelligence. but, unfortunately… it appears as if you have the perfect life; beautiful home, wonderful husband, a comfortable life— and, while most of it is true, it is still very far from the truth. the sad truth of it all was that this was a marriage of convenience
it was the only thing that made sense. you and alastor were close in age, you were both still single, you refused to marry a man as old as your father, alastor simply wished to rid himself of the many women throwing themselves at him, and you were already quite close to him since your parents were close, it was the best-case scenario.
when both of your parents had learned of the news, that alastor proposed to you, they were more than delighted. alastor’s mom immediately welcomed you into the family as one of her own, and alastor had grown to be fond of your father.
in front of cameras and watching eyes, alastor played the role of a loving husband well; keeping you safe with an arm wrapped around your waist, giving you his coat in cold weather, and speaking nothing but lovely worship in your name.
you played the ‘doting wife’ role surprisingly well too. the only thing that was different was alastor didn’t stop the act when you were behind closed doors.
‘what if someone is spying on us, hm? they may reveal our little secret to the media!’ that was his excuse. and your reason to let him kiss you, hold you against his chest, and even join you as you bathe occasionally. it always felt weird though. to you, alastor was nothing more than a friend, even something like a brother. doing all these intimate and romantic things with him, it felt wrong.
and even despite all the intimacy, you still felt lonely. here in your large house, you felt lonely; cooking a dinner for two, eating as one, and always having to leave the pot simmering over the stove, so that it’s still warm for your husband. warm for him up until midnight, when he’d usually come home— sometimes even returning home later…
and, on these late nights, you’d remain sleepless. what could he be doing? his radio broadcast only lasts up until 9 in the night. could he possibly be engaging with a mistress of sorts? doing all kinds of scandalous things before returning to your bed, bringing your back close to his chest and resting his face on the nape of your neck.
although it was unlikely… considering how you always wake up to a love letter from alastor in place of where he should be in your bed, but nonetheless, it didn’t stop those thoughts.
eventually, life began to grow boring… chores day and night before going to sleep again— it was just a boring cycle that filled your life with despair and simply just making you miserable.
that is, until you met eugene. quite the handsome man, he may even be a model! you ran into him when he was in a luxury shop, inspecting various items for purchase.
his fuzzy eyebrows, his big brown eyes, and his charming and gorgeous american smile— it’s hard not to fall for such a man.
it started off so innocent; just meeting him to shop together, then it escalated into lunch together, and then that night…
alastor brought you to the club where mimzy performs at, and just by coincidence, eugene had been there with some of his high school friends. under the influence of alcohol, alastor had climbed up the stage and danced with mimzy. laughing at your silly husband, you pointed him out to eugene as well.
and, in that moment he turned you around and kissed you. you tensed, fearing the sudden infidelity; how media would cover this kind of news for months. oh wait… everyone’s wasted, aren’t they..?
your breath heaved in fear, eyes darting to your husband, not even glancing at you— that was when you melted into his kiss.
after that night, the two of you had made an agreement to rendezvous every now and then at your house while alastor was still busy as ever at ‘work’.
and as these meetings with eugene became more and more frequent, the two of you may have… fallen in love. despite that, you still felt guilty; cheating on your husband who has done nothing but be a gentle and loving provider, how could you repay him like this?
but, then again, it is simply a marriage of convenience… alastor doesn’t love you, he couldn’t possibly… the two of you are best friends! so, if you told him, would he mind?
still, you couldn’t possibly risk it. this isn’t a relationship that will last long if the two of you keep it a secret, you have to find a solution soon.
“run away with me.”
“what?! are you insane?!?” you frowned at your lover. “you need to get away from him, and you’re too scared to tell him, aren’t you? it’s the perfect solution.” he argued back.
“alastor… won’t accept it that easily… he’ll probably try to hunt us down, then take me back…” your nose scrunched in fear at the thought. “isn’t it worth the risk, my love?” he took your hand in his, placing a gentle kiss on your fingers. “ah, f…fine…”
a week later, that was when you decided to leave. you packed a suitcase filled with your belongings. honestly, it was not much. most of the things in the house were bought by alastor before he had married you.
you were just about to leave, your lover right outside the door with a getaway car, prepared to leave your life in new orleans behind when your husbands voice stopped you.
“going somewhere, my love?”
“alastor! w-what are you doing up?” you jumped, turning around to face him. “i’d like to ask the same thing, my sweet darling. why do you have a suitcase and a car waiting for you?” he grinned wide, tilting his head.
“ah— i was gonna go out of state for a surprise for you…” you lied, breath shaky. “were you now? was this surprise that i’d never see my beautiful wife ever again?” he scoffed, walking over to you and grabbing you by your chin.
“did you think i’d really be so ignorant as to not know when my own wife is sneaking out? especially to meet other men…” he raised an eyebrow. “alastor! t-this isn’t what you think it is…” you frowned, tears building up in your eyes.
“oh, my dear, how pretty you look when you cry…” he smiled, taking a finger to wipe your tears and putting his finger against his tongue. “fine then, leave your loving and sweet husband behind… just know that— i’ve already corrupted you for any other man to enjoy. no one will love a divorcee, will they?” he moved his hand to cup your cheek, gentle despite his harsh words.
“i’ll let you have your fun, darling. soon enough, you’ll realize that there is no man who can love you better than i can.” he pulled his hand away from you, moving to your hips and leaving a lasting kiss on your lips.
unlike how he usually is, this kiss was harsh, possessive, and brutal. so devoid of any love, it was a pure, unadulterated obsession.
“i know what is best for you, darling. i’ll see you home very soon.”
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thepersonnamedsam · 4 months
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do you think we’re best friends in every universe? - ln4 & gzd
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pairing: lando norris x the genz!driver
summary: y/n asked lando, if they’d be best friends in every universe
word count: 500
warnings: none
note: a little drabble about the current tiktok trend :)
masterlist / taglist
„Lan, do you think we’re best friends in every universe?“, she asked the older boy. „Huh?“, he had asked back.
„Do you think we’re best friends in every universe? I saw this trend on TikTok“, she explained.
„Let me see“, Lando demanded. y/n stretched her arm out to give Lando her phone. „That’s a sad one, but there are happy ones“, she said as she showed him the video were the F1 drivers all had different best friends.
Lando laughed his typical laugh and said: „I definitely wouldn’t say ‚what’, I‘d probably say ‚huh‘.“ She laughed, as that was the exact thing he’d said when she asked him.
„Do you think we’re best friends? Seriously“, she asked one more time.
Lando tugged on his Ferrari shirt and looked at her Mercedes gear. „Yeah, I think so, even if we aren’t enemies on the track, I think we’d be best friends.“
y/n laughed a little, her heart swelled a little at his words. „What do you think, do we drive for different teams in different universes, do we even drive in Formula 1?“
His shirt changed to a McLaren one and hers to her own team. „Maybe, maybe I’ll drive for Ferrari and you for Mercedes“, he laughed. She nodded her head, wondering how’d it be to drive for one of the big teams.
„And what if we don’t even drive in F1? I mean we met here“, she dragged out. „I think we’d still find a way to meet.“
„I mean, we met on a Saturday in a bakery, don’t you remember?“, Lando giggled. They were sitting on the floor in a two bedroom apartment. „You’re right! London, 2021, a tiny little bakery, you ordered a cinnamon bun and I got a raspberry tart!“, she excitedly said.
„And look where we are now! I mean, you’re an engineer for Red Bull Racing and I am a professional Golf Player who even participated in the Netflix Cup with Pierre Gasly“, he added.
„I think we’d always find a way back to Formula 1“, she sighed. Lando‘s light blue shirt matched y/n Williams shirt. „Do you think we’d be teammates too?“, he asked.
She shook her head no: „I don’t think we’d always be teammates, but always best friends, right?“
Lando nodded as he handed her a pint: „Always my pub bestie.“
„Maybe not always pub besties, but maybe even best friends since birth“, she smiled. „You weren’t even born in the UK, how would we be besties since birth?“, he asked.
„But I was“, she exclaimed. „Don’t you remember our mums meeting in the hospital?“
„Fuck, yes you’re right! Besties since birth, my god.“
„I know everything about you, Lando Kinder Norris“, she giggled and pushed him away.
„Do you think we’d be together in another universe?“, he asked shyly.
„I think I love you in every universe“, she said back and drew more figures on his naked torso. „Good, I don’t think I’d be able to live without you“, he sighed. „Don’t worry Lan, I’ll always be with you, one way or another.“
„Don’t you dare eat that worm!“, y/n in her bird from squealed. „And what if I do“, Lando challenged. „I’m gonna pick your feathers out“, she dared. „Ohh now I’m scared“, he taunted and ate her worm.
„What if I was that worm“, she whined. „Then I’d have you in me all the time and forever.“
Lando laughed and said: „Yes, y/n, I think we’re best friends in every universe.“
°°°
@ironmaiden1313 , @topguncultleader , @biglittlesecret , @gulabjamooon , @lovelyy-moonlight , @peachyplumsss , @mistrose23 , @copper-boom , @love4lando , @champomiel , @serenityleah , @iloveyou3000morgan , @angelwithoutmywings , @elleeeee21 , @youkissedareaderinthedark , @mikauraur , @thybulleric , @lpab , @fdl305 , @mellowarcadefun , @teti-menchon0604 , @vildetry06 , @bibissparkles , @aurora-maria , @lunnnix , @sya-skies , @Buckywifeyy , @dakotali , @rechtrecht , @noncannonships , @1eclerc16 , @pitlanebabe , @sopheeg , @avengersheart , @thatsadsmallchild , @peachiicherries , @idkiwantchocolatee , @callsign-scully , @mehrmonga , @badbatch-simp24 , @lissyontour , @din0nugs , @elliegrey2803 , @gay-for-victoria-de-angelis , @10vely-yutazen , @daggersquadphantom , @azriel-the-shadowsinger , @i-love-scott-mccall , @mikauraur , @heartmetaphor , @darleneslane , @ellswilliams , @thxtmarvelchick , @nataliambc , @dontjudgeabookbythecover , @hockeyboysarehot , @thehistoryone , @zimm04 , @woozarts , @mellowarcadefun , @deephideoutmolkshake , @grimeslvrr
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orikiys · 9 months
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✿ ✿ 〞voicemails with chan after an argument
✰ genre : angst, romance and fluff in between
✰ pairings : bf!chan x fem!reader
✰ word count : 0.8k+ words
CHAN | minho | changbin | hyunjin | han | felix | seungmin | jeongin
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one 𖨂
hey, my beautiful girl. how are you? it’s not the same without you by my side. the house looks wrecked and so am i. i am so so sorry baby for snapping at you last night. i. . . didn’t mean it. i swear. it all happened because of me and my work, and i do accept that. just come back please? i know you’re at your friend’s house but i won’t force you. ever. i just hope we can talk this out thoroughly. please? i love you very much. always know that, yeah? and i’m only a call away if you need me. good night.
two 𖨂
so i didn’t receive an answer back. does that mean you’re going to stay there for a while? alright, i respect your decisions. i always do. you know that right? anyway, today sucked. i kind of twisted my ankle while practising and i tripped over a charger and hurt my chin. it sounds painful but it was even more painful when you don’t reply to my messages, or to my calls and even my voicemails. i fucked up and i know that very well. i may sound selfish but i want you with me. i need you when i wake up and when i sleep. i want to see your face when you smile at me. how long has it been since i last saw you? over 2 weeks i suppose? if you’re listening to my voicemails, let’s meet tomorrow at our usual spot. at 3 i’ll be there. i’ll wait for you even if it takes forever.
three 𖨂
you eventually did show up. to be honest, i was surprised. i didn’t expect you to show up. but i’m glad you did. but i’m not very glad that you almost didn’t speak any other words except for ‘i need time’ and ‘alright’. it was pretty sad. then i realised how bad i must’ve hurt you for you to act this way. and i’ll say sorry a million times if you want me to. i regret ever letting you walk away like that. if only i had tried harder in our relationship we wouldn’t be at this stage where we’re unaware whether we’re together or not. i regret not understanding you earlier and spending my days at the company, rather than with you. i even started taking time out to come home early, at 8. just like you wanted. i even began sleeping on time, but i can’t help myself to fall asleep that easily without thinking how lonely you used to feel when i wasn’t here to hold you or to even talk to you. i regret everything, baby. i really do. i hope you’re happy, not skipping your meals and sleeping for good hours.
four 𖨂
i noticed something fall out of your wardrobe, and even though i respect your privacy, i couldn’t help myself. it was a letter. a letter presumably you wanted to give me, but you couldn’t. and it would be a lie if said i didn’t sit on the floor crying as i read the letter over and over till i had it memorised. you always wanted to write me letters didn’t you? what more do you have up your sleeve? how long are you going to keep impressing me and making my heart flutter like that? you might think i’m being a little too extra today, but it’s true! you can’t just go away after making me fall that deep for you. it’s been three weeks now. how long am i going to be punished? just answer me once. please.
five 𖨂
when i tell you i almost fell off the couch, you won’t believe me. but i almost didn’t believe my eyes when i saw your voicemail. why would you ever be sorry baby? you have all the right to be angry at me. i deserve it. but don’t think you did anything wrong. you just did what you thought was right. and sometimes, it’s better that way you know? like if you wouldn’t have gone away i would just return to my schedule again. i wouldn’t have realised where i was wrong. so don’t blame yourself, okay? as i said before, i’ll wait.
six 𖨂
so this is gonna be the end of all the angsty voicemails as you just called me saying you’ll be coming home tonight. i’ll prepare a welcome dinner for you along with some kisses if you would like. and hugs too perhaps? i am just on my way to clean the house and myself too. since i didn’t shower today, so i’ll see you in about 8 hours. i’m very happy that you’re coming back babe. i love you so much. and i, thank you, for giving me a second chance. i’ll be waiting for you, my love.
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haknom · 1 month
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NEVER AGAIN — SIM JAKE
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SYNOPSIS: fake dating your best friend to get back at each other’s exes was one thing, but falling in love without him liking you back? never doing that again.
PAIRING: fake-bf!jake x gn!reader
WARNINGS: unrequited love and angst. WORDCOUNT: 672 words
NOTE: wasn’t even supposed to be sad LMAO but if i ever write a fic on this… don’t be shocked.
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“YOU’RE GRIPPING TOO HARD, IT HURTS.” YOU WHISPERED, PLACING YOUR HANDS ON TOP OF JAKE’S.
“Oh, my fault. Is this better?” He asked softly as you nodded at the looser grip. His hands gently held your waist as you wrapped your arms loosely around his neck
The two of you moved to the rhythm of the song that played in the banquet hall.
Honestly, you and Jake weren’t a serious couple. Both of you were previously friends who decided to come together and make your exes jealous.
Which only helped to explain why you two were each other’s prom date.
“Do you even know how to dance?” He asked, hinting at the way your feet continuously stumbled over one another.
“Hey. Yes I do.” You said, narrowing your eyes at the boy in front of you.
“Just not like this…” You mumbled.
“Yeah, right.” He teased while scoffing. He stopped his movements and adjusted his hands that rested around your waist.
“Here, follow my movements.”
Jake’s voice was clear and tender as he took a step to the left. You looked at him confused and he nodded his head with a smile.
“Just follow.” He whispered while moving again, causing you to look at your formal shoes and his black Oxford’s.
You followed the path he created until you two were moving in sync.
“See, it isn’t that hard.” Jake said as you hummed in response and smiled.
You were actually having fun for once.
A few moments of silence passed through the space between both of you, but luckily, it wasn’t awkward.
It was comforting.
However, it wasn’t long before it was interrupted.
Jake looked up at the sound of chuckles and grimaced at the sight.
“Don’t you feel annoyed?” He asked as you looked up from the ground.
“What?” You replied, confused. He cocked his head at the two who danced with one another and smiled at each other like there was no tomorrow.
You shifted your gaze to where he stared. Turns out, he was referring to your ex and ex-best friend.
Usually, you would feel a sharp strike at your heart when you saw the two together, but right now, you didn’t.
“Not really.” You replied, eyes still on the two, causing Jake to look at you with knitted brows.
“What do you mean?” He asked.
“Even if she was my friend for most of my life…” You paused, looking back at the boy.
“So were you,” you explained, “I might’ve lost a friend and a possible lover, yet I’m not as phased anymore.”
“Because I might’ve fallen in love with you,” was what you wanted to say last, but couldn’t.
“Because I still have you, right? That’s enough for me.” You said instead, not wanting to make things awkward.
He was probably still hung up on his ex-girlfriend, and judging from the way he rolled his eyes when he saw her and her new boyfriend together, you definitely weren’t wrong.
“Well, I am.” Jake said in a harsh tone as you tilted your head in confusion.
“I still hate seeing those two together.” He explained, his hands tightening around your waist again.
“Jake, too tight.” You winced, trying to shimmy out of his grip.
“Oh, right. Sorry.” He apologized with a sheepish laugh.
Yes, the sound made your heart flutter, yet you knew anything you did wouldn’t have an affect on him.
“Here, let’s take a break. Would you like something to drink or eat?” Jake asked, removing his hands completely.
It would be nice to get a break from your heart constantly thumping at an immense pace.
So, you nodded at his request in agreement. He flashed a smile at you once more before leaving to visit the serving table as you returned a more awkward one.
Once he was gone, you looked over at your ex and your ex-best friend, then at Jake’s ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend and sighed.
Wow, was this what unrequited love felt like? If so, you hated it.
Never again.
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335 notes · View notes
digitaldiarystuff · 4 months
Text
Misunderstood
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summary: You and Jude go on a late night drive when he gives you a present and you freak out
pairing: Jude Bellingham x Y/N
genre: angst/ fluff
————
When Jude had to bail on your dinner date you were pretty bummed. You realized his schedule was hectic and you couldn’t meet everyday but tonight you put so much effort in your looks and felt sad. You didn’t even bother changing your dress and went straight to depression mode bringing out ice cream as dinner. You were halfway into the rom-com you were watching until your phone started buzzing.
“Hey baby.” you said a little sleepy.
“Hey love, are you at home?”
“Where else would I be Jude, of course I’m at home.” you sarcastically said.
“Okay then come out.”
“Are you here?” you exclaimed ecstatic about meeting your boyfriend. You missed him so much and desperately needed him to hold you.
“Yes Y/N just come out here.”
“But where are we going, all the restaurants are closed.” you said realizing it’s well past 2 a.m.
“Just come to me.” he said and hung up. Rude, you thought but the excitement to see him was too much that you grabbed your coat and skipped like a little girl to his car.
“I missed you so much.” you said as soon as you were seated and reached out to his side to hug him. He always brought comfort to you.
“Oh my god baby you look unreal.” he said as he’s eyeing you without shame. “And I’m here looking like a homeless man”
You chuckled “I don’t think homeless people wear Prada.”
“Some of them do, no seriously I saw one of them the other day full on rocking Givenchy.” he said and you felt all your stress lifting. Jude always made your mood go up immediately.
After that he reached for the back seat and grabbed some takeout.
“I know you skipped dinner so I brought you some.” he said and you smiled seeing how well he knew you.
“You’re the best.” you said as he started driving to a spot where you could overlook the city and eat in peace. Even though Jude’s career and his social life was a little much sometimes, these calm moments were your favorites. Just you two enjoying each other’s company with no distractions.
As soon as he pulled up, you grabbed the Chinese food from the packages and gave him his chopsticks. You ate and talked about your day and the things that bothered you since you were both drama queens. This was a fun conversation you had everyday, you told each other everyone who made you mad and gossiped about them.
“And then he said I should eat less because I gained 0.5% fat.”
“Oh no he didn’t.” you fake gasped and laughed. Jude was so extra sometimes.
You spoke for a few more minutes until you remembered something.
“Oh god, what am I even gonna get your mum for her birthday? What if I choose something hideous?” you panicked and Jude calmed you down saying how much his mum loves you and would love anything from you.
“But since we’re on the subject of presents.” he said and opened the console in front of you.
“I got you a little something.”
You noticed the blue bag immediately. It was Tiffany, and small. You felt your heart beating and started panicking. Your friends made some jokes about you being already married with Jude since your relationship was going on for 2 years and strong but you always avoided the subject. Coming from a broken household, with separated parents, you were always afraid of marriage from a young age. Jude knew that and respected your ideas though he always said he wanted to spend eternity with you.
But seeing a small box in a Tiffany bag has made you anxious, surely Jude wouldn’t propose to you right? You knew that but you couldn’t hide your horrified expression as his burrows furrowed.
“You don’t wanna open it?” he asked.
“Jude, what’s in the box?” you asked warily.
“Baby, open it and see.” he was confused about your reaction.
“Jude I need you to tell me what’s inside it. Please.” you begged getting more and more agitated.
“Y/N what’s going on? It’s just a gift, I saw it in the store and thought you’d love it.”
“What is it?”
“Y/N what are you so pressed about? This isn’t a complex situation, you grab the bag open it and thank me. Why are you acting weird love?”
When you said nothing, he snatched the bag from you and opened it himself.
“It’s just a fucking necklace, I’m not proposing to you.” he laughed a little trying to lighten the mood until he saw your face.
“Y/N I”
“I’m sorry Jude, I’m so sorry.” you started sobbing from guilt. You freaked out about nothing and have been rude to Jude. He immediately realized what’s going on and you could see his eyes fill with guilt as well.
“Baby, shh it’s okay. It’s not your fault I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.”
“No no it’s my fault, I freaked out on you. I’m sorry, I’m just a weirdo who doesn’t appreciate you enough.” he held you against his body and helped you calm down. After your sniffles stopped he leaned back and held your cheeks to make you look up at him.
“Y/N you don’t owe me any explanation, I love you with all your weirdness and flaws just like you love me. I want to spend my life with you, you’re it for me with or without a big commitment and ceremony. I want you next to me but would never push you, I’ll always be with you.”
You smiled at him and realized you’re the luckiest girlfriend ever.
“Thank you Jude, for everything and for the record I want to spend my life with you too.”
He kissed you with love and you happily reciprocated.
“I can’t believe you thought I’d propose like this. You really don’t even know me at all.” he said looking offended and you giggled.
“Now let’s see this necklace, do you want to put it on me?” you said and turned your back to him as he pulled it and clasped the back. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry you’ve ever laid eyes on.
“But you do know me.”
“Of course I do.” he said and kissed your temple after seeing the pendant on your neck.
418 notes · View notes
seeingivy · 28 days
Text
sisters
ryomen sukuna x f!reader
**part of my best friend's (older brother) fic
previous part linked here
TW: minor mentions of violence/parental abuse!! also this is suggestive pls read at your own discretion!!
--
“so did i grow another head or are you meeting up with sammy later?” 
“what? how did you even know about that?” 
sukuna lazily leans against you, still half asleep, as he breathes into your neck, a string of unintelligible noises coming out of his throat. you can tell that it’s still too early for him – and that your racket or your absence must have woken him up. you reach up, running one of your hands through his hair, before pressing a halfhearted kiss to his cheek and returning to your typing. 
“google calendar.” sukuna responds. 
you smile. 
“i didn’t realize you actually looked at that.” 
sukuna reaches forward, slamming the screen of your computer down, as you roll your eyes and lean against him. 
“sukuna.” 
“you can study in bed, y’know.” he responds. 
“that’ll distract you, with the typing and the shuffling of papers and all that.” 
“well, it’s already fucking distracting when i wake up and you’re not next to me, so…same shit.” 
you roll your eyes. 
“stop being dramatic. i could easily spend the weekend at my own place and you’d sleep just fine.” you respond. 
“no, i wouldn’t. you basically live here now, i’d obviously notice if you just disappeared.” he deadpans. 
you pause, clutching your pencil in your hand, before spinning it around in your palm. you can feel sukuna lean off of you, your silence clueing him in, as he now intently stares at you with his brown eyes, drowning in irritation. he’s clearly awake now. 
“what are you thinking about?” he asks. 
“nothing.” 
“well, it’s certainly not nothing. and i’m almost positive it’s something annoying because you’re not telling me.” he responds, poking into your cheek. 
you sigh. 
“should i be paying rent? because…i really am here all the time…s’kind of unfair if you’re the one paying for the place when i stole all of your closet space and your bed and –” 
“you’re making it sound like you’re such a nuisance to me. contrary to your beliefs, i actually love that you’re using my closet and that you take my jackets sometimes. and in my opinion, the only place you should be is in my bed anyway, so.” 
sukuna can tell that you’re not really buying it. 
“can you let me cover our groceries? i literally eat all of your food too. and –” 
“it’s our food. i made it for you.” he complains. 
“i’m probably emptying out your bank account and you’re just letting me. you should just –” 
sukuna reaches for your legs, before sliding you sideways on the chair so that you’re facing him. and he takes his residence in between your legs, cupping his hands around your face, and angling your chin up so that you’re looking at him. 
“you’re about to graduate. how about…you start splitting rent with me when you aren’t living in your dorm and you’re officially living with me? it doesn’t make sense to pay for two places right now.” 
you bite down on the softness of your cheek. 
“are you…asking me to move in with you?”
“you already live here.” he deadpans. 
“no. but then we’d have to put me on the lease. i’d-i’d actually live here live here.” 
“well, were you really thinking about moving back home? you would hate that.” 
“i mean no. but i was going to look for an apartment and roommates and –” 
“i have an apartment right here. i would be a great roommate – i feed you and i kiss you when you’re sad, which seems like a win win to me. but if it feels too fast for you to move in with me in a few months, that’s okay with me. i will help you apartment hunt if it comes to it.” 
you frown. 
“do you think people will judge us for moving in together so fast? i mean, by the time i graduate, it’ll only have been like…like half a year? and we still haven’t –” 
“do you think it’s weird?” 
“i mean, no but –” 
“what other people say doesn’t matter. if you want to live here when june comes around, that’s really no one else’s business. i’m not going to murder you, i won’t be a bad roommate, and that’s kind of all that matters.” 
you smile. 
“do you want to live with me?” 
“you. already. live. here.” he responds. 
“no, but like. joint lease. like actually living here. you know you won’t be able to break up with me for like two years because we’ll be stuck here, right?”
“well, i was obviously not planning on breaking up with you, so that won’t be a problem, will it?” 
you pause. 
“i guess not.” 
sukuna gives you a satisfied smile, before dropping his hand from your face to the chain hanging around your neck. you can’t help but feel your cheeks warm as he admires the little charms on the necklace he gave you, running his fingers over them. 
“what?” you ask. 
“you’re still wearing it.” 
“are you crazy? i have to wear this forever now. i’m never going to take it off.” 
“okay, but…i do take mine to get cleaned every few months so you will eventually have to take it off.” 
you roll your eyes, as you bring one of your hands up to his, and squeeze. 
“so…i’m taking your big avoidance of the question as a confirmation that you really are seeing sammy later?” 
you sigh. 
“yeah. i’ve been trying to make plans with her for two weeks and she was finally able to pencil me in.” 
sukuna pulls up the chair next to you, sitting on it backwards, as he leans his chin against the back of the chair. he’s playing with the rings on your fingers, twisting them back and forth, as he listens. 
“okay, but why? do i have to roam around in the mall at the same time as you guys just to save you in case she’s a bitch?” 
“don’t call her a bitch, sukuna.” you groan. 
sukuna’s eyes widen, as he jokingly presses his hands to your face and starts shaking your head. 
“who are you and what did you do to my girlfriend?” 
you swat his hands off, as you narrow your eyes at him. 
“stop it! i’m just…trying to be nicer to her. you should be too, she’s still my sister.” 
“wow. what brought on this sudden need to reconcile with the devil?” 
“sukuna!” 
“okay, okay, i’m done.” 
you pause, leaning your cheek against the cold tile of the kitchen island. it bites into your skin, the shrill cold making the hairs on the ends of your arm stand up. 
“you know how we hate that yuuji is so…so one track minded when it comes to you and me? how he kind of pushes his own feelings into what he thinks about us and that…that a lot of them are really immature things from when you guys were kids?” 
“yeah.” 
“it would be hypocritical of me to hate yuuji for doing that when i do the same thing to my own sister.” 
sukuna raises his eyebrows. 
“do you?” 
“i think so. i’m just…i don’t know. i feel like dating you has made me more self aware.” 
“well, obviously. i’m the epitome of emotional intelligence.” 
“shut up! i was just saying because…well, i know why yuuji harbors so much dislike for you now that you’re dating me.”  
sukuna pauses, leaning forward like he’ll almost miss it if he isn’t close enough to hear it. 
“he thought it was really careless when you left for europe, that you just thought about yourself and no one else. he thought it was really unfair because he still needed you to be there for him and you weren’t anymore.” 
sukuna can feel the guilt pooling in his chest. 
“but now that i’m dating you…and i know why you left, i feel like he’s really immature. i know that yuuji needed you but you were still a kid too. it wasn’t your responsibility to take care of him and he can’t get mad at you for that. you were your own person and you picked what was right for you.” 
sukuna reaches forward and cups one of your cheeks. you lean into the warmth of his hand, before pressing a kiss to his palm. 
“that’s why i hated sammy. that she would try to be fake and act like she was the best, when i knew she was getting drunk every weekend in highschool. i…i was always embarrassed because really, i just wanted her to take care of me the way you took care of yuuji. but that wasn’t her job and really, she still did that when it really mattered, anyways.” 
“what do you mean?” 
“that time i told you about, where i got caught in that car with mazzy and got in trouble. they called my mom, but…but sammy was the one who picked up. she was the one who came and got me and i had to tell her everything. i was expecting for her to tell me what everyone kind of did at that time, that he was a bad guy so what did i expect from being with him?” 
“but?” 
“but she just took me home and told me to take a shower. made me a really nice dinner. it meant a lot to me at the time, i-i basically started sobbing when she handed me my food because it just felt so nice to be around someone who just wanted to take care of me. she never even asked me twice about it, just…just kind of did what i needed.”  
sukuna presses a kiss to the top of your knuckles. 
“we’re older now. i want us to be better and just…be friends at least? i don’t know, i just think i’ve been really unfair to her when i’ve never even stopped to ask her if she needed anything from me.” 
“well, you can start by asking her today.” sukuna offers. 
you smile. 
“yeah. yeah, i can.” 
sukuna leans forward and presses a kiss to your forehead. 
“so what i’m hearing is…i’m the best, most self aware boyfriend ever who –” 
“oh, calm down, narcissus. just when i think your ego can’t get bigger you go and start staying stuff like that.” 
--
you wait for sammy across from the little donut shop at the mall. you get a set of two donuts – a maple bar for her and a sugar one for you – as you swing your legs over the bench and rehearse your little script in your head. 
it felt a little evil given the conversation you had with sukuna earlier in the day, but you had a favor you desperately needed to ask her. 
and surely enough, she comes right on time, hands shoved in her pockets as she gives you a halfhearted smile. you jump up, unsure if you should hug her or shake hands and then there’s too much of a pause when you don’t say anything. 
“are you okay?” she asks.
“hm? yeah! yeah. how are you? also, i got you a donut. and it’s maple, your favorite! and –” 
you pause – too much. but she fills the silence. 
“you’re rambling.” she states, as she plops down on the bench. 
she shoots you a grateful smile as she picks up the donut from the box, perfectly wrapped in the napkin, and takes a bite out of it. you mimic her motions, maybe scarfing down yours faster than you should have, from the nervousness. 
she hates you. 
“jesus. is this the first time you ate today? do i have to slap sukuna for not feeding my little sister properly?” 
sammy reaches forward, an annoyed look on her face, as she wipes away the sugar around the edges of your mouth – and you shoot her a grateful smile, that she halfheartedly acknowledges, as you lean back on the bench. 
“how’d you know about sukuna?” 
sammy rolls her eyes. 
“kisa. she was going on and on about how the ryomen sukuna is dating sammy’s little sister. half of the town knows by now, including the moms, who are planning to invite you to some big dinner where they start talking about your wedding.” 
“huh? my what?” 
“you should thank me, bitch. they were actually talking about your grandchildren and i told them that they need to tone it back fifty notches or you both won’t ever talk to them again.” 
“well, sukuna definitely won’t if they say that.” 
“tell me about it.” she responds. 
you shoot her a grateful smile, heart warm that she had thought to advocate for you in the slightest, as you prep yourself to say your entire spiel. 
“i asked you a question. is he good to you?” sammy asks. 
“what?” 
“sukuna. is he good to you or do i have to mutilate him?” 
you smile and she returns it back, leaning back in her chair and hiking her legs to her chest. 
“really good. i really love him.” you respond. 
sammy smiles. 
“i know.” 
“what do you mean you know?” 
“first and foremost, that poor kid has been so hopelessly wet in his pants for you since he was like a kid. do you remember that one birthday where he got you a bike that he built from scratch? second, i did hear him call you a pretty girl that one dinner he came to right before you started chewing him out.” 
you cringe. 
“oh god. we’re not actually like that – i was being really stupid that day. i just…” 
“no, it was really funny. he came back looking like a kicked dog when mom asked him to leave.” 
you smile. 
“i bet.” 
you pause. you had to be honest. 
“we actually don’t fight that much, that was just one of the rare times. i just got kind of jealous. of you. when the moms were suggesting that you date him and you were buying into it. i thought he was actually going to do it and i just…got irritated and yelled at him. and trust me, i was even worse when we got home before i calmed down, so…” 
sammy scoffs. 
“i don’t want to date your boyfriend.” 
“i know! it…it was my problem. i clearly have issues with insecurities, especially when it comes to you because of how the moms were sometimes, and i know that it’s my fault.” 
sammy raises her eyes.
“what?” 
“well, i don’t know. i mean, i feel like i’ve had big problems with what people have thought of me since i was a kid. but i always felt like they liked you better, and that because they liked you they couldn’t like me, and sometimes it made me resent you. and it was unfair, because, because…that’s not really your fault.” 
sammy sighs, before demolishing her donut by splitting it in half. 
“well, that’s not entirely true.” 
“hm?” 
“that’s not true. sometimes…i did do it on purpose. sometimes, i got a kick out of the fact that for once that…someone liked me instead of you.” 
“you’re kidding.” you deadpan. 
“i’m really not though. because you tend to forget, that i didn’t have friends like you did when you were a kid. you met yuuji the first day we moved into that house. sukuna basically followed you around after that. the three of you were friends and…and i was never included. so if the parents were the ones who liked to be around me, then…then that’s where i was going to be.” 
you pause.
the worst part of it was that sammy was always your dad’s favorite. and he’s the one who picked up and left. 
“you forget that your best friend before yuuji was me, y/n. i’m sorry that i was a bitch to you and maybe made some of your insecurities worse…but you did it to me first. i wasn’t exactly mature at that age so i just…that’s just what i did.” 
you lean back, unable to stop thinking about it now. that when you and yuuji wanted to go to the park, sukuna was always the one who took you guys – and that sammy was the one who stayed behind. how you really can’t remember a time where it was ever the four of you, but hundreds of times that sukuna had followed behind you and yuuji under the guise of taking care of you. 
and then you feel horrible. because every time you got drunk in highschool, yuuji was always there covering for you, making sure that you made it home safe with water and aspirin in your system, when you almost always found sammy half passed out on the porch before you had to drag her back into the house before your mom noticed. 
that maybe, sammy knew exactly how to take care of you that night she had to pick you up, because it was exactly what she had been longing for someone to do for her. 
“i’m a really shitty sister, aren’t i?” you ask.  
“yeah. but i am too, so…can’t really blame yourself there.” 
“are you? because…because i literally abandoned you.” 
“and i took it out on you and your friends after the fact so, relax. we’re both shitty people, it’s not a big deal.” 
you pause. you suppose that she’s right. 
“i was going to ask something really cheesy but i know you’d get really annoyed.” you state. 
sammy curls her nose up in disgust. 
“like what?” 
“well, i was going to ask if we were going to be friends now? and –” 
“you exercised the correct judgment. that’s disgusting, y/n.” 
but then sammy brings her hand up and rests it against the top of your head, before brushing the stray hairs around your face to the backs of your ears. and you smile, feeling so oddly taken care of that it makes your heart warm. 
“god. he really is good for you, isn’t he?” 
“who?”
“pablo picasso. obviously, sukuna.” sammy responds, tone bitingly sarcastic. 
“why do you say that?” 
“dunno. we’re hanging out right now. talking about our feelings. if he makes you realize that you’re jealous of me and indirectly makes us talk about our…whatever…then he must be good for you. that and the fact that he’s been obsessed with you since forever so, he must be on top of the world.” 
you smile. 
“i don’t know. i kind of thought that some part of me was…ruined after what happened back then. like i came with this big thing that someone else would have to come to terms with if they were going to be with me.” 
sammy glares at you, but you can tell that it’s laced with concern. that she thinks you’re being stupid. 
“what?” 
“i just mean. i always knew i’d have problems from my past relationship in my current one. and that maybe someone wouldn’t love me enough to be patient, because i would struggle so much.” 
sammy sighs. 
“but?” 
“but, he’s so patient. sammy, sometimes i don’t even know what i did to deserve him. he’s…he does things just because he knows they’ll make me happy, even if he hates them, and…and he’s always so understanding about everything. he never pushes, he’s always so sweet and just –” 
“it’s what you deserve.” 
“what?” 
“it’s what you should have had the first time.” sammy states. 
you pause.
“yeah. but it almost makes me more grateful for him now. it’s almost like…i had to know the bad to really appreciate the good? and it makes it sweeter? i don’t know, i obviously wouldn’t have wanted it to happen if i had the choice, but i’m just really…really grateful for him.” you respond. 
“i’m sure that means the world to him.” 
“what do you mean?” 
sammy nearly cringes. 
“well, you know how his dad was. i’m sure it makes his entire life that someone actually appreciates him.” 
you nod. 
“i was going to call him after this actually. tell him that if he ever hurts my little sister, who is my friend now, i’m going to cut his dick off. but…same for you. sometimes i forget how much he suffered at the hands of his dad when he was little. he deserves good just as much as you do.” 
you feel a shiver down your spine. on a topic you had yet to broach with sukuna. on the times that he’d fight so bad with his dad that he’d spend the night at your house. and the rare occasions where his dad would raise his hands on sukuna and when you had to watch your mom ice his skin from the door of the kitchen. 
“you’ll cut my dick off?” you murmur. 
sammy snorts. 
“shut up. you know what i meant.” 
sammy pushes up off the bench, as she gestures for you to join her with her head. 
“so what did you need my help with?” sammy asks. 
“huh? how did you know?” 
“you’re annoying. you’re going to be nice to me but you’re also going to ask for a favor.” sammy states. 
“okay, i’m sorry! but i really can’t ask anyone else, all my friends are all…weird about me and sukuna dating so i can’t just be like oh…oh come buy lingerie with me because i have no idea how any of it works.” 
sammy raises her eyebrows, fighting the urge to laugh, as you shove her. 
“shut up. you’re such a bitch.” 
“you guys already hit a short fuse that you need to spice things up? he’s such a dog.” 
“what? no, no we haven’t even done it yet.” 
“what?” 
“well, we had a whole talk. and now that we’ve waited for so long, i want it to be special. for me and him, and…and i want to feel good, okay? not that i think it’ll make me feel good but i just mean it would be nice to do something like that.” 
sammy links her arm in with yours, turning on your heel towards the direction of the store, as she keeps laughing. you can feel the embarrassment in your cheeks, irritated, as you elbow her in the side one again. 
“stop it!” 
“i’m sorry! that’s actually like really cute and fucking romantic. but i can’t just stop laughing at you saying you don’t know how lingerie works.” 
“it looks so complicated online. just so many…straps and stuff.” 
“okay, okay, relax. my girlfriend loves this type of shit, so i’m basically an expert.” 
you try to hide your shock – at sammy saying she has a girlfriend – as she drags you into the store and basically shoves you into a dressing room. 
and surely enough, you leave the mall with a light pink set that she insisted on buying for you and a box of condoms that you swiped on your way out from the convenience store across the street. 
--
sukuna comes home to dim lights and the faint smell of lavender. and shockingly enough, you serving dinner, perfectly plating and garnishing it with the little minced greens. he quickly decides that it’s his favorite sight – your eyebrows scrunched in concentration, drowning in one of his old t-shirts. 
you feel sukuna’s arms wrap around your waist, as he sags nearly his entire weight around your back, and sighs heavily into your shoulder. 
“hi doll face. what’s the occasion?” he murmurs. 
you smile. 
“does there need to be an occasion for me to do something nice for you?” 
“yes. you’re cooking dinner, which is haunting, baby.” 
“fine. you can starve then.” 
sukuna laughs, before pressing lazy kisses into your neck, and loosening the buttons around his collar. 
and throughout the course of the dinner, he can tell that you’re nervous. it would be a little off putting a few months ago, but he knows better by now – that you’re clearly going to ask him something important or say something big to him. and naturally, with how impatient he was, he was going to weasel it out of you. 
“how was sammy?” sukuna asks. 
you smile. 
“good. she said she will cut your dick off if you hurt my feelings.” 
sukuna snorts. 
“i expected as much. did you give any thought to the apartment?” 
“yeah. it makes sense and…and i really don’t care.” 
you reach forward, pressing your hand into the warmth of his cheek, and feel your heart flutter at the smile he gives you back. you can feel the nervous anticipation pooling under your skin, entire body warm at the thought of him sitting across from you. 
“i really love you, you know that?” you whisper. 
sukuna narrows his eyes at you, the whisper of a smile still on his face. 
“are you sure you’re okay? we can talk about anything that’s bothering you if –” 
“no. no, nothing’s bothering me. really. i just really love you.”
sukuna shakes his head, the lightest pink dusting his cheeks. 
“you silly girl.” he scoffs. 
you smile. 
“i love you more. don’t argue back because you won’t win.” 
you shake your head, before reaching into the lining of your underwear, for the condom that you tucked into your skin. and you place it flat on the table, before looking up at him. 
“wow. you’re serving condom for dessert? at least tell me it’s flavored.” he asks. 
you groan, which earns you him a laugh from him. 
“they come flavored?” 
“yeah, but…but it’s weird so don’t buy those. also, don’t buy condoms. that’s my job.” 
“i don’t know how you initiate these type of things!” 
sukuna laughs, before cupping your cheeks with his hands. 
“you’re like a cavewoman. initiating sex by giving me a condom. no foreplay? no kissing?”
“i mean, obviously. but like…we always kind of get close to it. i just wanted you to know that i was ready. and that i…” 
sukuna grins and it’s enough to make your heart drop to your stomach. 
“that you what?” he whispers. 
“you know.” 
sukuna shakes his head, as he reaches for your waist and pulls you off the chair, and starts dragging you towards his room. 
“i don’t know, y/n. you have to tell me, princess.” 
you feel your cheeks burn, as you press your hands to your sides. 
“well…i want you.” 
“is that right?” 
“sukuna.” you whine. 
sukuna locks his hands around your waist, as you lift yours around his neck, nervously crumpling the fabric of his shirt in your hands as you look up at him. 
“i’m done teasing. you just make it so easy, baby.” 
you bite your lip. 
“well, i kind of like it. so you…you don’t have to stop.” 
sukuna smiles, before leaning his forehead against yours. 
“more of that, okay? you tell me what you like, more importantly what you don’t.” sukuna whispers. 
you nod. 
“safe word.” sukuna states. 
“um…worm?” 
sukuna rolls his eyes. 
“and what if i wanted to call you my pretty little worm? then what?” 
“if i take all my clothes off and you even think about calling me a worm, i’m never speaking to you again.” you respond. 
sukuna laughs, before giving you a nod, and leaning forward to close the distance before you. you can tell that he’s moving slow, tiny steps backing you up before you fall back onto the bed, and he’s hovering with his necklace dangling over you. 
and his voice is quiet as he peppers kisses into your cheek and neck, so soft it makes your stomach rumble. 
“just so you know, it does hurt the first time. need you to tell me, don’t feel embarrassed. and i –” 
“i know. i know, i will.” 
sukuna smiles, before hooking his fingers under the fabric of his t-shirt, before he carefully pulls it out from under you. and maybe it’s the sheer embarrassment that you went out of your way to buy lingerie – but you pinch your eyes shut when you catch the realization in his eyes. 
“up.” 
his voices comes out more gravelly than you’ve ever heard it, as you open your eyes, skin burning, as you give him a confused look. 
“sit up, doll. let me look at you.” he whispers, this time more fervent. 
you oblige, sitting up on the edge of the bed, as he kneels onto the ground, hands fixed on your waist, as he looks up at you. you cringe, shrinking your shoulders together, as you look down at him. 
“too much?” you ask. 
sukuna scoffs. 
“are you fucking crazy?” he responds, tone dripping with disbelief. 
sukuna stands up this time, pulling you up with him, as cradles your face with his hands, eyes so sickeningly sweet that it makes you smile. 
“my perfect girl. what did i do to deserve you, huh?” he murmurs. 
“what?” 
“the dinner, the candles. this fucking set you bought. you ruin me, you know that?” 
you shake your head, as he drops his hands, admiring the lace. and he lifts one of his fingers, making the gesture for you to spin, as you oblige, and get a barrage of kisses in response. 
“i’m obsessed, you know that? with this, with you, with your smell.” 
you smile, pulling his face out of the crook of your neck, as you shake your head, and he takes the hint to slow down. you relax into his arms, nervously toying with the buttons on his shirt, as you calm down, trying to ease the nerves, as he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead. 
“i’m guessing you…you like it?” 
“like it? i love it. it’s special to me.” he murmurs. 
you look up at him, as he drops his gaze to yours, lovingly running his hands through your hair. 
“really? you don’t think it’s cheesy right?” 
sukuna shakes his head. 
“s’really special. never had someone put in this much effort to make me feel special. i was supposed to be doing all of this for you, y’know? was planning it all out too.” 
“really?” 
“yeah. was gonna get you a whole weekend getaway for your birthday. whole rose petals on the bed and everything.” 
you laugh. 
“what the fuck is so funny? it’s romantic.” he complains. 
“no, no it’s so cute! but you have to let me be the romantic too sometimes. i wanted to do all of this for you…and me too. i mean, i just –” 
“i understand, princess. you’re perfect.” sukuna responds. 
you pause. 
“you can tell me if you don’t want this right now. i know i made us dinner and made it a whole thing with the outfit, but really, you don’t have to oblige just because i –” 
sukuna responds by closing the distance, lips warm against yours as he pushes you back onto the bed, for a second time. 
--
sukuna brings you two advils when you’re soaking in the bath. you can still feel your blood pulsating under your skin, the tiredness seeping into your bones as you lean back against the tile, with the warmth of the water relaxing your muscles. 
and you can’t help but feel your skin burn when he walks back in – unable to stop thinking about how his head was just nestled in between your legs, of all the sweet nothings leaving his mouth, and the gentle way he carried you here after running the bath for you. 
he crouches down by the side of the tub, holding his hand out for you as you oblige. he lifts the cup to your mouth, refusing to let you hold it, as you down the pills.
“i can’t hold my own glass now?” 
“it's aftercare. shut up.” 
he makes the motion to stand up and you reach out, slapping your wet hand around his wrist and pulling. 
“you okay?” 
“yeah. yeah, but can you stay?” 
sukuna nods, as he sits flat on the tile of the bathroom, leaning his head against the side of the bath. he was intent on giving you the time to process and relax, despite the fact that he wanted nothing more to stay there, to possibly never leave your side again, and is pleasantly surprised by your request. 
“bath okay?” he asks. 
“yeah. thanks. for the pills too.” 
“promise it’ll hurt less next time, yeah?” sukuna murmurs. 
you nod, poking at the little indents of his dimples. you can’t help but admire him, the lightest sheen of sweat still stuck to his forehead, at the arch of his back and the tattoos littered over his skin as he lazily places his hand in the water and lets the soap run through his fingers. 
“did you like it?” sukuna asks. 
“are you a nut job?” 
“i mean, what did you like? just so i keep it in mind for next time. s’my job to make you feel good, y’know?” 
you smile, before feeling your chest ache. 
“all of it.” you respond. 
sukuna shakes his head. 
“nope. specifics.” 
you lean back, absentmindedly running your hands through his hair, as you think it over. 
“well, i liked it when you would hold my hand. it made me feel really comfortable…and when you would ask before doing something different.” 
“uh huh. what else?” 
“um…the stuff you called me.” 
sukuna grins. 
“like what?” 
you groan. 
“you know…the usual stuff!” 
“you like it when i called you my good girl, right? when you were taking me so well?” sukuna asks. 
you can tell that he’s trying to irritate you and lightly splash the water at him. 
“sue me! i like to be praised by my boyfriend!” you respond, glaring at him. 
sukuna shakes his head at you, before reaching for your hands and pressing kisses to your knuckles. the spots he marked on your neck are starting to purple up now, as he reaches down for his own that you left. 
“i liked it when you did this.” sukuna responds. 
you smile. 
“i’ll cover it up before you go to work tomorrow.” 
“i liked all the pretty sounds you made. i go insane when you say my name.” 
you shake your head, before splashing the water at him. 
“quit it.” 
“really. i love it all. i love you.” 
you deflate. sammy’s comment from earlier, the harsh memory of him with his eye purpled over on your dining room table, runs through your mind, as you lean forward, and press a kiss to his shut eyelids. 
“yeah, yeah. i love you too.” 
sukuna smiles, before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the top of your knee.
--
next part linked here
taglist: @porridgesblog @k0z3mee @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @sweetenertea @skzismyhome @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @shotenvinsoot @itzmeme @gojoswifeyyys-world @cutiejg @chilichopsticks @ghostreadersthings @charlie-xo @whoami-72 @heijihattorisgf @megu-meow @complexivelovely @multiplefandomthings @hoebuns @lzaj19 @glossygreene @ramluvr @sureconfused @najaemism @manduse @imhorn1help @gamergirl5125 @r0ckst4rjk @invisible-mori @isaacdaknight @gyros-cum-sock @wishmem l @suftsunshine @i0099 @cowgirlikets @haitanibros0007 @stuffeddeer @yoontaedotin @ec3lipsy @armani78 @awkwardaardvarkforever @kereseth @leave-rae-alone @ruruvia @princess-ackerman @jjkwritingss @lilkiwikiara @opchara @telepathicheartss @starriesworlds @raechu11 @exprimidordefresas @nxxrxm @aalloochaat @strangehuman101 @tzutology
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Text
Night in Velaris
Azriel x Reader
Summary: While going for the first time to a ball in Velaris, you met Azriel, with whom you feel an instant connection.
a/n. Hi! My second fanfic is here, it’s exciting :)! I would really appreciate if you tell me if you liked and your opinions about it! I hope I don't dissapoint anyone! Any advice would be appreciated. And please, remember English is not my first language.
Word count: 1k
Velaris was the most beautiful city you’ve ever seen. You wonder why in your five hundred years this was the first time you saw it, but then you remember how your family treated you, never allowing you to pursue your dream of traveling all Prythian. When you could, you left your family house and started visiting as many places as you could. That’s why you were now in that city on the Night Court, and you couldn't stop looking at everything around you. It was astonishing. You met some people there and they were all very nice to you; you felt really comfortable there. Almost like you could stay there for your whole life, you think.
“Hey, Y/N! Why don’t you go with us tonight?” The girls you’d met earlier were talking about a ball hosted by the High Lord and the High Lady. They were really nice and you were comfortable around them, so you thought about saying yes.
“I’d love to go, but what am I gonna wear? I don’t have any fancy dresses with me! Also… I’m not from this Court… are you sure it wouldn’t be a problem?” You started feeling sad because you already pictured how beautiful it had to be. The place, the dresses… you already had all in your mind.
“Leave the dress to us! And no, no problem. You’re in Velaris now, you have to come! Please?” You laughed and decided to go. You trusted them and you wanted to experience a ball here!
Everything was better than you could imagine. The dress? The most beautiful dress you had ever seen. The place? Magnificent. And the atmosphere? Indescribable. Your friends had helped you get ready for the ball, and you all had an amazing time doing it. You’ll miss this place and those girls when you leave, you thought to yourself. You almost want to cry at the thought. It’s the first time you get so attached to a place and to the people you’ve met.
The music started, you started dancing with your friends, having the most fun you’ve ever had. Suddenly you feel someone staring at you, but you didn’t know who it was. The night continued with you having fun and feeling that stare on you all the time. 
You needed a rest, too much dancing! You saw a free chair and you sat there, hoping for a little rest. You started looking around, looking at the people dancing and having fun. That’s when you saw him. The most beautiful man you’ve ever seen, sitting in the opposite corner of the place, looking at you. You stand up, realizing it was him the one looking at you all night. You feel like you have to talk to him, so that’s what you do. 
“Hi, I’m Y/N.” You smiled as you talked to him. He stared at you, like if he couldn’t talk. After what felt like an eternity, he answered. “Hi, Y/N, I’m Azriel.” You didn’t know who he was, having in mind the fact that you weren’t from that Court. He smiled, and you thought you were dead. It was the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen, you could look at him for as long as the Mother wanted. 
You two started talking about everything and anything, your friends and dancing quickly forgotten. The conversation flew like you knew each other forever. He told you about his family, his two brothers and their mates. You told him about your family and how you decided it was time to grow apart. You shared interests with him, and it seemed you had a lot in common. The night was almost finishing, but you didn’t want to leave, you didn’t want to get away from Azriel. 
You saw your friends waving at you, a signal that they were leaving. “So… I should go… Those are my friends and I came here with them.” “Oh, I see…” He looked almost… sad, like if he didn’t want you to leave. And you felt the same. You looked at him as if it was the last time that you were going to see him before saying goodbye and turned around, ready to leave with your friends. 
“Wait!” You turned around and  saw him staring at you, nervous, like if he didn’t know how to tell you something. “I… I would like to see you again. If you want, of course.” He was blushing, avoiding your gaze, fearing the rejection. He wanted to see you again. He wanted to see you again!!! “Yes!! I mean, yeah, sure.” It was your time to blush. He chuckled and looked at you, with hope in his eyes. 
“So… I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 6pm? Is that okay?” You were surprised. Did he really want to see you that soon? You smiled and nodded, telling him where you were staying. You looked at him, again, not wanting to leave. You looked back at your friends, who were looking at you, shocked that you were talking to the Shadowsinger himself.
“Well… goodbye, Azriel!” You kissed his cheek and ran away to your friends before he could say or do something. He couldn’t believe what just happened, but he wasn’t going to complain. In fact, he would replay that innocent kiss again and again in his mind until he saw you again. Azriel thought he couldn’t erase your beautiful face from his mind even if he was tortured. 
When you arrive at your friends, blushing and giggling, they keep staring at you with eyes wide open. “What?” You start worrying; you don’t understand anything. “Was he one of your exes? Is he a bad person? Girls, what’s going on?!” 
“Y/N, you really don’t know who he is?” One of them asks, and you try to think if you remember him from somewhere. “No?” You even question yourself. 
They look at each other, shocked, and then start to laugh. “Y/N, he is Azriel, the Shadowsinger of the Night Court. The high’s lord brother.” You opened your eyes. “You’re joking, right? Oh my god! I probably embarrassed myself! Oh my god, oh my god, OH MY GOD!” You were definitely panicking. You looked back to where he was only to discover he was looking at you too and smiling. That instantly calmed you.
“Girls, I have a date tomorrow”. You definitely didn’t plan to leave that Court in the nearest future.
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auroralwriting · 4 months
Text
gorgeous
bella ramsey x fem!reader
synopsis: your co-stars just can’t keep their mouths shut about your celebrity crush
guys i fr don’t know if i am back but i love bella so here is this for you all much love <3
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“okay, guys, let’s answer some questions!” your co-star, rocky, called from the couch where his phone was propped up on the cushion.
something you and your costars loved to do was go live on instagram. it was a good way to promo your movie and interact with fans. plus it was really fun to goof around with your friends.
cole pushed himself up from the floor and walked over to where you were on the chair, just in frame. he sat on the arm and slung his body over yours. “let’s see, got any good ones?”
“favorite scene to shoot?” rocky asked, squinting his eyes to see.
“guys we can’t spoil the movie!” you laughed along with the others. “but let me just say, any scene with these two is the best.”
cole leaned forward to see. “celeb crush?”
“mines zendaya. tom’s a lucky, lucky man.” rocky shook his head in sadness, all whilest smiling.
“i don’t have one,” you responded as cole and rocky looked shocked.
“uhm, yes you do!” cole yelled.
rocky immediately snitched. “she loooves the last of us, especially when ellie-”
“okay!” you yelled over top of them, “but we all know cole loves emma stone! maybe a little too much.”
“hey!” cole responded, “gwen stacy was my first ever crush! i love emma stone!”
the topic moved forward from there, but little did you know the fans did not.
it didn’t take long for ship edits, tags, and more to be spread across all of social media. as soon as the love ended, it was all you could see. you just hoped that bella wouldn’t see.
-
the night of the infamous golden globes finally arrived. you did your best to work with your stylist on your look. both co-stats thought you looked drop dead amazing, so things were going pretty well.
the press was the fun part. doing interviews was so much fun. sometimes there were challenges or games.
“so, miss l/n, anything you can say about the movie?” your interviewer asked.
“sadly nothing i can say would be acceptable. there’s so many spoilers! this movie has so many twists it’s hard to keep up.” you smiled with a giggle.
your interviewer laughed. “so, on a more personal note, let’s talk love.”
“well, there’s no love here. i’m completely and utterly single, as sad as that is,” you made a tear drop fall down your face with your finger.
“well i hear a special someone is here tonight, bella ramsey would sure be a nice fit for you!”
of course this would happen.
“psh, bella would not be interested in me.”
“are you sure? didn’t you see their tiktok comment?”
tiktok comment? what comment? as far as you knew, you’d checked every edit bella was tagged in, but of course that wasn’t possible. there were hundreds.
the interviewer passed you a phone with the comment up.
@/bellaramsey: 😍
the edit wasn’t even of your comment, just a normal, plain old edit of you.
“it seems bella maybe takes more notice to you than you assume.” the interviewer said.
the interview ended and as soon as you found rocky and cole, you told them what happened. they also looked shocked but encouraged you to follow it through.
and of course bella would be here tonight. why wouldn’t they? the last of us was nominated..
right as you were walking in, you could hear people telling bella’s name on the carpet. as much as you wanted to look, you were being told to go sit to make room for the other celebs coming off the carpet.
you didn’t see them at the after party. you were chatting with some friends, sadie and olivia, when you saw sadie’s eyes drift behind you.
you turned around and saw bella approaching, and god, did he look amazing. their hair was in a bun, glasses, a maroon suit to go with it all. maroon was a good color for him.
“hey, y/n, it’s nice to meet you!” bella smiled, hand out. you didn’t even notice sadie and olivia walk away.
“bella, hi! yeah, it’s lovely to meet you too,”
shaking hands made you more nervous than anything ever. touching their skin was a whole new level.
“i’m sorry the last of us didn’t win tonight. it really deserved to.” you empathized, truly wishing bella had won.
“it’s alright, we’ll have many more chances i’m sure. you look stunning, may i add. literally, gorgeous.”
your face flushed at bella’s words. “oh! thank you, you look very gorgeous as well.”
“i saw your instagram live,” bella blurted out. you immediately put your face in your hands and groaned. bella was quick to grab them and remove them. “hey, no! it’s alright, no need to ruin your pretty makeup.” again, you blushed. “i just wanted to say, again, i think you’re gorgeous. incredibly, and you’re so talented and funny.”
you smiled brightly, not moving your hands from bella’s. “thank you. uh, sorry if this is forward-”
“i was thinking movies?” bella asked. “sorry, i just thought it would be more comfortable than a dinner with the paps. maybe at someone’s place, with pizza and popcorn?”
“yes, i’d love that!” you felt your insides rush with glee.
bella smiled wide, “awesome, great.”
you two stood in a brief silence, not wanting to leave each others company. “would you like to meet pedro?”
“would i?!”
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tommyspeakycap · 8 months
Text
shopping
jay loves you so much he actively enjoys being dragged around dress shopping
jay halstead x reader tooth rotting fluff x
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“What do you think of this one?” You ponder, running your fingers over the fabric of a dress in the millionth store you’d dragged your boyfriend into. You had left the finding of a dress for your friends wedding pretty last minute and so far, despite the fact Jay would attested you looked drop dead gorgeous in every single one of them, you were still declaring that you hadn’t found one that looked good on you.
“Why don’t you try it on?” Your boyfriend suggests, attracting your frazzled attention to him. When your eyes land on him there isn’t an ounce of annoyance towards you. Men notoriously hate doing things like this, following their partner around shops. Jay’s missing the game today, he’s probably knackered from working constantly and you wouldn’t be surprised if he was thinking of elaborate ways he could kill you and make it look like an accident right now just like many men stuck shopping with their partners have done in years gone by. Boyfriends before him to you and other women across the country have moaned and groaned the entire way around, asking repeatedly when you would be done and genuinely considering leaving you there.
Jay had not murmured so much as one complaint.
Jay Halstead is probably the best boyfriend in the world. He drove you here, he reacts with the same adoration with each and every dress you walked out in. Your boyfriend - not probably - unarguably, is the best boyfriend in the world. Only whilst you’re trying on a million dresses will he fiddle about with his phone, but the second you emerge to show him, his phone immediately goes away so he can direct his full attention to you again. He even carries the dresses you’re going to try and will lift them out of your reach when you try to protest. The only thing he’s threatened you with so far is that he would rip one particular dress clean off you and have you in that dressing room if you weren’t careful.
Ever the gentleman, Jay Halstead.
You had never had a love like this before.
All of a sudden you’re overcome with guilt, a frown falling onto your face. On duty or not, your boyfriend is a detective immediately a frown of his own appears across his beautiful features, concern furrowing his brow as he notices your face falling. “Baby,what’s wrong? You’ll get something. And besides, you know I think you look amazing in all of them.” Jay soothes softly as he takes a few steps towards you in concern at the sudden sadness written across your features. “No it’s not that,” you sigh, “You never get time off and today you have and i’m dragging you around half the stores in Chicago. I’m so sorry Jay, we can just go and i’ll come back another time.” You hurry to grab the other two dresses he was holding for you and stuff them back onto the rail they came from while Jay simply stood still and cocked an eyebrow.
“Jay?”
“Are you finished?” He taunts, prompting you to furrow your brows. “Am i finished wha-“
“Do you really think i would rather be anywhere else right now?” He asks, almost incredulously as if he cannot believe that you would ever even consider the fact he would want to be anywhere other than with you. “No matter what we’re doing, i’d always rather be with you. I mean what kind of man would complain about watching his hot girlfriend trying on hot dresses all day?” Jay reaches up to cup your cheeks, smoothing his thumbs over the soft surface. “Seriously honey, I’d spend the rest of my days doing this if i got to do it with you. Now let’s get you that perfect dress so i can rip it off you in two weeks eh?”
You snort a laugh, cheeks flushing bright red. “Oh detective Halstead, you are so getting some tonight.”
~~~
“Okay, okay, okay.” Jay hears your voice and finishes off the text he was sending. “What about this one?” He casts his eyes up to you and back at his phone to lock it quickly, but the device nearly actually slips right out of his hand as he attempts to do so. His head snaps back up to you as he stuffs it into his pocket. “Woaaah my god.” He breathes, eyes wide as you blush under his gaze. “Jay…” you trail off, crossing your arms over your chest. Jay has loved all of the dresses so far, so this reaction you assume is just over exaggerated because he wants you to feel good.
If only you could see inside his mind. It’s like some kind of primal alarm has gone off. Jay feels himself building up a little sweat as he blinks a few times to confirm that you are really stood in front of him, really his girlfriend and really that fucking hot. “Seriously, (y/n). I literally don’t have words. If you don’t chose that one we are definitely getting it anyway.” His face is as serious as it is when he’s at work, eyebrows raised to add to his insistence. “This one is my favourite,” you agree bashfully. It is very obviously your boyfriend’s favourite too. The brunette is doing his thing where he’s become a little bit lost, like someone’s reached inside him and spun his head.
He had very effectively been knocked from the unshakable hardened police detective and reduced to a boyfriend who’s adoration for his girlfriend beams right out of him. It’s as though love hearts have appeared in his eyes, heart fluttering at the sight of you giving him a little twirl. Jay’s mouth is dry, his stomach flipping.
The only thought in his mind is that he wants this forever. Your silly little ever-so-slightly timid showing off of outfits, your blushing grin when he compliments every little thing about you, his spinning head, his thumping heart and the knowing he is the one who gets to take you home; all of it. He wants it forever and only with you. He wants to spend all of his forevers totally enthralled by and entirely speechless because of you.
“Perfect. I’ll meet you at the register?” Jay finally speaks, trying not to trip over his own words. You nod with a giggle, making a show of swaying your hips a little extra because you know he’s watching you walk away. One of Jay’s favourite cheeky little phrases to recite comes to mind as you do so, and you know he’s muttering it to himself know. ‘I hate it when you leave but i love to watch you walk away’.
You’re quick to change back into your own clothes, aware Jay is waiting for you and if left alone in a shop too long he will find something to buy for you that is more expensive than you need or start to worry you’ve been the victim of a spontaneous changing room hostage situation. “Any luck?” The older lady manning the dressing room asks you sweetly, immediately forcing a big cheesy grin onto your face at the thought of Jay’s reaction to that dress. You’d had quite a lot of luck recently, you thought. You had gotten lucky with Jay, and you knew that better than anyone else. He was the love you had dreamt of and had been almost certain you’d never find.
“Yep, think i found the one.” You reply, holding the dress up for her to see. “If you don’t mind my saying.” She begins softly before casting her gaze out onto the shop floor to spot Jay before she turns back to you, “I really think you have. He’s one of the good ones.” Jay is just stood there, holding the bag with your new shoes in one hand and your coat tucked under his other arm waiting patiently for you to return so he can wrap his arm around your shoulders and press that kiss on your temple the same way he always does to greet you. Her lips are tugged into a genuine smile. “Brings back your faith in love a little. We don’t see many as good as him.” She adds quietly, watching your eyes cling to the man you love so much. “I don’t think there are any like him.” You admit sheepishly. When you meet her eyes again it’s like she can see right through you. Had you not been so wrapped up in him, you might have humoured the idea that people even outside of your circle can actually tell you Jay were just meant to be.
“I best not keep you any longer, he might burst.”
Despite her joking, you both know the tall brunette doesn’t like being away from you. This lady does not know you and nor does she know Jay, but just by observing for mere moments the way you interact with each other, she knows what everybody knows when they see you together.
How truly and deeply in love you both are.
These moments with him, mundane and boring as some might see them to others, are fleeting for you and Jay. His job keeps him as busy as any job really could. He doesn’t get to come shopping with you as often as he’d like, and Jay is nothing if not hyper aware that he does not always have the luxury of time to treat you how he believes you should be treated.
If anything, he spends a significant amount of time worrying and beating himself up about the time he doesn’t get to spend with you. He’s conscious of the fact that he doesn’t ever get to whisk you away on weekend getaways in case his job needs him or that he doesn’t treat you to fancy dinners as often as a man with a simpler job may be able to. He doesn’t always have the time to hold you in the mornings or fall asleep by your side. Jay Halstead will beat himself up until the day he dies about the fact he cannot shower you in his love the way he wishes he was able to.
In the very same breath, you make sure every worry and fear he has ever had about not being enough for you is squashed before he ever even thinks it’s showing. He is far from insecure about your relationship, but he is nothing if not aware of the fact you are deserving of someone who has more time for you.
To you, it is the mere fact that he makes time where time literally doesn’t exist that matters most.
Whether he has half an hour of a lunch break or no time at all, he will always find a way to make sure he’s texted you, ‘I hope today is treating you well baby. Love you x’. Every day, without fail. When he misses a dinner he will scramble in that front door all puppy eyes and more broken hearted that you could ever be that he’s missed it, with flowers slightly damaged from how quickly he tried to get home and grovelling apologies you accept in the form of a gentle, love soaked kiss on his lips. His apologies are always accepted. How could you ever hold a grudge when you can see his pain in those pretty blue eyes. On your worst days, he will find a way to wrap his love around you tight enough to squeeze all those broken pieces back together. How could you ever be angry when he tries so hard, you know the effort he has gone to in order to stop work from consuming his life the way he once did as a younger, single man. He is there, present or not. He is always there and you know he loves you because he shows you in ways even you haven’t come to fully know. When a case hits a little to close to home he’ll crawl into bed in the middle of the night and he will not let you go. When he knows you are fast asleep safe in his arms, he mumbles about how nothing will ever harm you so long as he’s around. In the time you do get to spend together, you feel so much love that it could last you a lifetime.
You never ever want to be without Jay Halstead.
“You know how much i love you, right?” You mumble softly with your head tucked into his shoulder, waiting in a patient and comfortable silence in the line to pay for your dress. “Course. Why do you ask?” Jay mused, tilting his head a little to look at you. “Dunno, just wanted you to know it’s…a lot i guess.”
“You guess?” Jay teases, jostling you playfully against his side. “You guess?”
“Jayyyy,” you whine, swirling yourself out of his grasp. Your boyfriend throws his head back with a loud chuckle, eyes crinkling the way they do when he’s genuinely happy. Only you can make him smile that way. “I’m trying to be sweet!” Your protest makes him laugh harder.
Before you could even get your phone on the card machine to pay, Jay had already done it and was thanking the man behind the desk. You were pretty much stood guffawing at him, highly displeased that after a day of being dragged here there and everywhere, he was now paying for the clothes you needed. “Now i’m trying to be sweet.” He retorts. “Come on pretty girl,” he rolls his eyes playfully at you, “Lets get out of here eh?”
You always fear you don’t remind him enough that you love him more than words could ever say. Jay on the other hand couldn’t believe such a ridiculous thought could ever come from such a smart woman. He feels your love every single day in every single way.
With your fingers linked together, you and Jay strolled off towards his truck. Jay has this weird feeling in his gut today. He hasn’t been able to put his finger on it all day. Only when he looks over at you in the car, one hand in yours and the other on the wheel, that this feeling is contentment. It’s peace. Just the feeling of total relaxation for the first time in his life. It is you. You are his peace, his lifeline, his home. No matter where you are.
And maybe it’s a little bit of nerves, brought on purely by the little box wrapped in tissue paper and buried under some of the clothes you had bought. Being a gentleman wasn’t the only reason Jay had insisted on carrying your bags.
He was going to propose tonight.
And then he was going to spend forever loving every single little mundane moment you get together for the rest of his life.
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