#but imagine my upset when i found out that the first song isn't even on spotify yet bc that part is simply TAI | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

futchgunk · 3 months

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mx. feelings

long post. personal account of transmisogyny.

sitting and reflecting on a really hard (happy) cry and thinking about the threads that culminated this experience.

one of the birthday presents i got for myself was a made-to-order vinyl record of my favorite song "rabbits" from this diy egg punk band called Nurse Joy (xxnursejoyxx). This band was extremely influential for my coming out because i first saw them live when i was invited to a show by my best friend. (who is also goth and trans) These shows were so much fun!! Pre-eponymous nursejoy sets were so high energy and really lively. The mosh pits were energetic and not violent and it was so much fun!! like this was when i really truly felt like i could be. i had been starving for trans visibility in my personal life and i found a community that is so much more welcoming than entry level white collar jobs or craft brewing bartending. i dykegress

My bestfriend (🐝) asked me to see the nursejoy set, i loved their ep "Flop Era" so much I drew fan art of one of their songs. (a really big deal, at the time i was so insecure about my skills as an artist yet so eager to create something, so having an outlet that supersedes my anxiety however temporarily is so nice to have!!) For about a whole year, I was hanging out in the DIY scene just because this band had some fun songs to dance to in the name of trans (nurse) joy!!

This band ended living right next to the place that I had moved last spring. Imagine my surprise when my neighbors were my favorite band!!! I was literally making my tea in the summer and walking over to drink it on their porch. They supported me through when I got framed at work. I was feeling like I had a group of friends.

Last summer, the singer for nursejoy finally graduated college and we had a celebration and they said that they were really gonna push their show house "PF" as a diy label, and everyone that was at the let out after their celebration show was gonna be there. I was so excited for this celebration, I baked a cake for the lead singer. We all got grouped into mini 3 person projects and asked to come up with a show-and-tell by 8/8 (::::)). I like to think of myself as an amateur poet, I was super eager to even said i made something remotely musical, so I did. my group was the only group to present something (we did so by crashing a gig) and I was really happy with the work I produced: a sex-positive risk aware boundary setting rap song. A mouthful, but thats on brand ;;) .

Fast forward to October and the attention to the Palestinian Genocide. Long-Story short: I upset some pro-israel friend of the band who knew was friends with the drummer of nursejoy (also jewish) and the drummer reached out to me to mediate the tension between us. (I had already DM'd and messaged this person and was waiting on a response for weeks, 3 weeks before these messages, 5 after). As a black transwoman, if someone calls cries of prejudice, it needs to be addressed and immediately resolved. So it was just incredibly frustrating, disheartening, and ostracizing to have someone call me anti-Semitic and then have nothing happen. for like weeks. and like this really cut me up bc you should be able to do difficult things like talk to people about the things they said if they made you uncomfortable. You should be able to know that they will hear you and listen.

It felt so terrible to just suddenly be demonized and branded with prejudice and not being able to do nothing about it all. When i was hanging out with 🐝 i cried about how uncomfortable and lonely and helpless i felt with this whole situation. (Being vulnerable and crying has been a struggle with me my whole life, I'm really thankful that estrogen has me able to cry, and I'm glad i can talk to people about stuff that isn't so flowery all the thyme. Some big feelings I cried about was the frustration of not knowing what's going on, to seeing the same the very people who gave shelter and harbor to me avoid my gaze like normies do. I go to the transpunk shows because im so sick of these eyes, the stares, it is the same look on everyones face and they are looking at me like an enemy, AND TO SEE THAT LOOK ON MY FRIENDS FACES. It's so hard to forget that feeling.

I was seriously contemplating not showing up to anymore shows and gigs. I had to remind myself that I show up to shows to have fun, and there are other friends that show up to these shows make these gigs so much more fun. I can think of at least three girls that like to push hard off the top of my head. ::::)

Funny Enough, i had just bought the order of the vinyl in september, before all this shit went down. and i cried to 🐝 about how this album now has a warped and twisted meaning. Now all this attachment i had is feeling like a needle ceiling because I don't like this band anymore. 🐝 and I talk about the universe is clay to sculpt reality from with just our wills and I put a wish that I wish that my best friend could play bass on my record instead of the resident bassist because that would mean so much more to me. We had joked that Bee should be in nursejoy bc having a transgirl bassist is just so perfectly splendid. I wished this thought into the aether, knowing it was just a wish.

Allegations against the current bassist of the sexual assault variety, had nursejoy without a bassist around the same time that they needed to record these vinyls. They asked 🐝 to fill in for their shows and I was so cut up I only saw 1 out of the 2 performances. I was still really cut up that i only showed up to the new years eve gig. (btw i saw the person who started it all but they were 2 drunk to have a real convo).

Fast forward to my time loop. My first time seeing nursejoy with the new lineup. I got to hear my favorite nursejoy song live and experience the annoyance of cops shutting down the gig!! the gig shut down early and we had made our way to my place. I had asked for 🐝's help with listening to my record earlier, bc I was so paralyzed with fear that I couldn't listen to it by myself.

We did listen to it. I have a voice clip of my best friend giving me a shout out and a goth blessing, and proceeding to give me another goth blessing by playing this song that I get to hear whenever I want to. I got so overwhelmed by happiness that I couldn't think and cried happy sobs.

This has been an extremely emotional roller coaster of an experience, and if i wasn't able to talk to other transwomen i would have shrunken inward and become incredibly bitter.

Thank you Bee.

Thank you Snow.

Thank you River.

Thank you Fawn.

Thank you Lily.

Thank you Morrigan.

#radical transgender hedonism

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charlesoberonn · 2 years

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I hate my brain. Last night while imagining fake scenarios to fall asleep to (as you do) I came up with a story concept I really like.

It's called Alice and Karsen. It's about a human woman and her elf husband traveling around the frontier of a fantasy world and getting into misadventures.

Karsen is a violin player and a bit of a nerd and a nervous wreck with bad social skills but a sizable ego. Alice is his fun loving and also competent manager who gets them out of trouble (but also into trouble sometimes). When she was a teenager she was transported to the fantasy world from ours, and was adopted by a loving old couple.

I even had backstory and three "episode" ideas.

The first "pilot" idea is about a town that gets torn down the middle into a civil war because of an election happening back home (home being the mainland compared to the frontier). Each townie is siding with the candidate supported by their home province. Alice and Karsen get stuck in the middle of it all. Meanwhile, the town is in danger because of a band of wild beasts that's on its way.

The second episode is about Alice and Karsen finding another human. This guy is an old man who's been in the fantasy world for over 50 years. He's an electrician who's been trying to bring electricity to this world but failing because the laws of physics work differently here. He thinks he found a substance that could help him inside a creepy abandoned mine. Alice and Karsen help him delve into the mine because they accidentally broke his arm.

Episode three is about another human, this one a young girl, who showed up in a nearby town recently. Everyone there is excited for her because she can do magic and is basically a young celebrity. Alice is excited to meet her, but she's very suspicious of her after that. The girl doesn't know basic facts about Earth and it's possible she isn't quite as human as she seems.

Random facts:

The world is inspired by the American west and the Holy Roman Empire

Karsen has a very difficult song he plays when he's upset because it requires all of his concentration

Alice could and possibly already did kill if it's necessary to protect the ones she loves

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writemywaytoyourheart · 3 years

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Aim For The Heart | Chapter 1: At First Sight

Pairing: hitman!jk x female reader

Genre: E2L, romance, angst, drama

WC: 4.5k

Warnings for this chapter: alcohol consumption, language, stalking kind of? I think that's all lol. Pls let me know if there is anything else I should put.

tag list; @teresaisla @hopekookies @moonchild1 @barbellastyles98 @ggukkieland @mwitsmejk @yukiehyukie

summary; Jeon Jungkook is an infamous hitman, known for his inability to fail at whatever job is thrown his way. At least, up until now. Y/n, a kind-hearted and full of life teacher, is his newest target. Jeon isn't sure who would put a hit on this seemingly innocent girl, but fortunately, that isn't his problem. All he has to do is pull the trigger.

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A bright smile graces your features as you tuck the little star-shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches into a tiny container, just barely getting two of them to fit as you squish them down a tad bit in order to get the lid clipped on.

Then you grab a little tangerine and a cheese stick to drop into your lunch bag along with the sandwiches, counting the number of items aloud to yourself as they make themselves at home and then you zip it all up.

"Th-There we go!" You lift your lunch for the day in triumph.

Your phone startles you when it starts to ring, then you grapple in your purse to find it. You pull it out and answer right before the last ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, girl! Are you ready to go? I'm downstairs." The voice of your best friend comes through the phone and you look at the clock on your microwave. You stare at the little black screen, confused as to why the time isn't showing up before remembering that you were never able to figure out how to display the clock when you bought the microwave three years ago. So, you hold your phone out to look at the time.

6:32

"Oh geez! I didn't r-realize the time. I'll be d-down in a minute, k?" You say, earning a lighthearted laugh from the girl on the other end.

"Take your time, hun. I'm not in any rush."

You thank her quickly and hang up, then you run to your room to grab your favorite pink cardigan and throw it on over your white shirt. As you're hurrying out and grabbing your lunch, you stumble and knock your knee into an open lower cabinet that you had forgotten to close the previous night after pulling a pan from it to make dinner.

"Ouch!" You hiss in pain and rub the sore spot, although it does nothing to ease the ache. Then you grab your purse and run outside, almost forgetting to lock the door. But you remember just in time and clumsily lock it before rushing down the stairs leading to the parking lot of your apartment complex.

Your best friend, Mina, is laughing. You can see her through the windshield as she waves to you. Lifting a hand to wave back, you don't realize in time that your arms are full. You drop your lunchbox and have to crouch to get it again, only taking up even more of your time.

But Mina finds it hilarious and tells you so as soon as you slide into the car and fumble with your seatbelt to get it buckled.

"Honestly, ___. I can't believe you're still single. If I wasn't straight as a board, I'd be head over heels for you and all your shenanigans." She states in a matter-of-fact tone as she pulls out of the parking spot.

A blush creeps up your neck and you try to laugh it off, "D-Don't be silly." You whisper, turning your gaze outside to look at the fluffy white clouds decorating the sky beautifully. You smile and lean your forehead against the glass as you imagine lying on a soft cloud, just drifting in the air.

"If you c-could go anywhere at all, where would y-you go?" You ask Mina suddenly, turning to her. Her eyes are focused on the road but she bites her lip in thought at your question. "Mm, probably Italy. What about you?" She's used to your sudden questions and ramblings, so she smiles when you start to go off.

"I'd wanna go up in the c-clouds. I wanna sit on one and maybe even see a r-rainbow up close! I wonder if I could slide down the rainbow..." Your brows furrow in deep thought. "Or would I f-fall?" You turn to her again and she glances over to see your signature puppy dog eyes that you use when you are either confused, upset, or want something.

Mina turns back to the road, a tiny ache in her heart that she hides with a bright smile, "Girl, you would ride that rainbow straight down into a pot of gold!"

"Really?" Your eyes widen and you feel your heart lift at the image.

She nods and you giggle happily, "You can come w-with me, Mina." You say confidently, your gaze turning back to the sky. "We can sleep in the clouds and slide down rainbows for the rest of f-forever."

"Sounds like a deal."

By the time Mina pulls up to the school, you've discussed everything you'd do up in the clouds and what you'd eat when you're hungry (stardust, you've decided, is the best meal anyone could eat.)

You unbuckle and gather your things. Then you remember something and turn back to Mina, "Oh yeah. W-When are you leaving on your business trip?" You ask a tinge of sadness in your voice.

"This weekend," Mina says solemnly. "I'm sorry I won't be able to drive you for a while. I'll be gone for a month this time."

That makes your heart sting but you manage a small smile, "D-Don't worry about me. I can walk! I'm gonna m-miss you though."

"I'll miss you too, buttercup. We'll hang out this Friday night before I leave the next day. How about that?" Mina asks kindly.

You nod enthusiastically and she smiles, "Ok, get your butt in there before you're late! The bell rings in half an hour and you can't be late on a Monday." She urges you and you nod, hopping out of the car and thanking her again for the ride, reassuring her that you'll walk home from work today.

You blow her a kiss and she laughs as you turn and hurry into the school.

You're all set up only a few minutes before the kids are supposed to arrive, so you go onto Pinterest and look through your fairytale boards, feeling a little spark of joy in your chest.

A couple of minutes later, the kids start streaming through the door, greeting you with the same amount of enthusiasm as you greet them. Your kiddos love you so much that all the other teachers are jealous and they let you know it every day. Of course, you have the sweetest kindergarteners and they're always the best for you.

"Hello, Teacher! Good morning Miss ___! Teacher, look at my new haircut!"

"Hi, Jina! Hello M-Minhhyuk! Kun, your new haircut l-looks so good!" All the kids have bright smiles on their faces by the time they've settled in their seats.

You always start the day off by getting everyone to stand and do a few stretches, then you sing the nursery rhymes you learned yesterday and start learning a new one. You honestly have as much fun as the kids during the school day.

"Ok, l-little ducklings, have a seat!" You get their attention and they immediately oblige. Next, is the alphabet that you guys have been working on since the beginning of the year. Every little one sings it perfectly all the way through and you give them a round of applause and they each get a little punch in their reward cards.

The rest of the day goes by smoothly, with only one temper tantrum thrown and that was resolved quickly.

It's nearing the end of the school day and the kids are all playing during their free time. You're sitting with Ae-Cha, a small and fairly quiet girl, playing with colorful blocks; the both of you competing to see who can build the highest tower. You've learned that she responds well to playing games when there isn't too much talking involved.

You're constantly glancing around the room to make sure everyone is safe and playing nicely and you're always pleased. They've all improved so much since the beginning of school back in September. It's June now and they've all learned their alphabet and how to play nicely with their new friends, along with so many other things. They've really made you so proud this year. You can even hear them reciting the alphabet and nursery rhymes to each other as they play.

Your heart warms at the sound of tiny voices filling the room as they sing. Then you glance at the clock and realize the bell will be ringing in a few minutes. So, you declare Ae-Cha the winner with her foot-high tower of blocks and she beams proudly. Then, you get up and clap three times, "One, two, th-three! Eyes on me!" You singsong, then smile when the kids immediately respond by clapping twice and shouting "One, two! Eyes on you!"

"G-Great attention today, everyone! Alright, the bell will ring soon. Who can tell me w-what that means? What are we doing n-now?" A few little hands go up and you point to the little boy that raised his first, "Yes, Joon Woo?"

"We...Uhm...time to clean up toys...Uhm..." You smile to encourage him and he finishes cutely, "Time uh, to clean up our toys and pack bags."

"Yes! Thank you, Joon Woo. It is t-time for us to clean up and make sure our bags are packed up and ready for h-home!"

The kids start to pick up their toys as you put on the cleaning song that you play every day for them. You all sing along until the room is all tidied and their bags are packed with their homework papers.

You always give them little mazes to do for homework to get their little brains to learn to concentrate, along with instructions on what to draw to show the class the next day. Today, their homework is an extremely easy maze, a coloring page with the alphabet and instructions to draw themselves doing their favorite activity. The kids always love drawing pictures and sharing them with the class and it's a good ice breaker for the shy ones at the beginning of the day.

You always have less and easier homework for the kids on Mondays and Fridays, it just seems fair to you that way. You also feel like it's good for kids to express themselves and be able to share what they like and dislike. You've found drawing helps with communication and creativity for the kids in your class.

The sound of the bell ringing makes a few of you jump, then you hurry to the door. "Alright, ducklings! T-Time to line up!" A few of the kids make quacking sounds as they line up, giggling and talking to their friends.

You smile and open up the door, holding it as the kids walk out in a straight line, some of them still quacking like little ducks.

You lead the kids to the front of the school and make sure they get into the correct line for the bus if they take it. You wave goodbye to them as the kids that take the bus climb on and they run to a window to wave back to you.

The rest of the kids that are left are soon picked up by their parents or siblings. You wave to Ae-Cha, the last student to be picked up. She smiles shyly and waves back before hurrying after her big sister.

After that, you go back to your classroom and finish a few things before packing up to go home. As you're leaving your classroom, you run into one of the other teachers coming from his own room.

"Oh, h-hello Mr. B-Baek!" You bow, missing the ugly sneer on his face as you smile brightly at him. He pushes his glasses further up his nose as he scrutinizes you with his beady little eyes. "You don't belong here, Miss ___." He snaps.

You look at him in confusion, "I-I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"I've waited the entire school year to say this to you. But now that we are nearing the end, I think you should know that you have no business being a teacher at this school. You ought to make the right decision to discontinue your work here." Mr. Baek watches your face fall with a sick sense of satisfaction.

"B-But, why?" You ask, still not understanding.

"First of all, you're inexperienced. You just got out of college last year, am I right?"

You nod uncertainly.

"You're still a child. Why should a twenty-two-year-old girl come marching in here and take a spot that should have been given to someone with more experience? And especially someone like you." He glares at you before turning on his heel and walking away briskly.

Someone like me? What does he mean by that?

You watch after him, feeling a tiny pinch in your chest. You aren't sure what he means, but whatever he's talking about, it sounds like he believes you shouldn't have become a teacher at all. At this school or another. You'll have to ask Mina later because you really have no idea where his rant came from.

Is there something wrong with you becoming a teacher?

You shake your head and laugh it off, "He's probably just had a bad day." You tell yourself as you make your way out of the school.

As you walk home, you sing quietly along with the song in your headphones, a little skip to your step.

You never notice the dark figure across the street, his eyes trained on your every move.

One day earlier...

Jungkook groans as he tosses and turns in bed, searching for his phone to turn the alarm off. He finally finds it and hits dismiss, tossing the phone back down and rubbing his eyes with a tired yawn.

After another minute he sits up and looks out the window, frowning at the sun seeping in and pooling across his floor in a golden river. He stares at a small bird that lands on his windowsill until it flies away.

Jungkook yawns again and reaches up to rub his eyes for the second time. After a few minutes, he's finally able to drag himself out of bed and into the shower. He almost falls asleep again in there, but he manages to make it out after half an hour.

With a towel wrapped around his waist, he makes his way to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of soju that's sitting on his tiny dining table to take a small swig from, finishing off what he'd left last night after his third bottle right before he passed out in bed.

He sighs and grabs a bagel, searching for the cream cheese he swears he saw in his fridge last night. A small smile appears on his lips when he finds it. He snatches it and makes sloppy work of spreading it on his bagel before tossing the leftover trash onto his counter and plopping onto the couch, snarfing down the first half of his bagel in thirty seconds.

Jungkook sighs through his nose as he tiredly chews his breakfast, then he glances down and sees the file he'd left open on his coffee table last night. He swallows the bite he has in his mouth and leans forward to read over it.

Y/L/N Y/N...

Why is that name so familiar?

He shakes his head and flips the file closed, then he leans back on the couch, wanting to spend his Sunday relaxing before he has to get to work on this case. He isn't going to think about it again until tonight.

Jungkook settles down and lays his head on the back of the couch, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

He won't think about it.

Jungkook lays there for a minute, then he opens his eyes and lifts his head, glaring at the closed file on the little table.

He grunts in annoyance and drops the other half of his bagel onto the table, grabbing the file angrily and sitting back again. He opens it and starts to reread everything he's read many times since Friday. There's just something that has felt off since he met with Mr. Ling, but he can't put his finger on what it is.

Jungkook squints at the name he's read a thousand times.

Y/L/N...Y/N...

"Ugh." He rolls his eyes, frustrated at not being able to remember where he's heard that name before. Then he looks at the occupation.

Teacher at Sunshine Kindergarten.

His brows furrow again, much like they have each time he's read this. He's never had a hit on a teacher before, let alone a Kindergarten teacher. That's such an odd target...

Most of his targets in the past have been sleazy business owners, rapists, leaders of gangs that have terrorized neighborhoods for years, even other hitmen. He's never had a problem with those jobs, but there's something about this one that's telling him to be careful.

Maybe it's because he knows nothing about his client, except for the large sum of money he must have due to the pay he's been promised. Other clients of his were more than happy to explain why they wanted him to do what he does. They never paid him until after the job was done, either.

That leads Jungkook to believe that this guy (or girl) is desperate for his services, convincing him to do it with payment before and after. Almost as if Jungkook would refuse after he found out who the target was...

Jungkook flips the page and scrutinizes the picture of the target.

She's very simple looking, Jungkook thinks. The girl in the picture is wearing a white flowy skirt with a blue blouse that covers her whole arms and white chunky tennis shoes. Her hair is in a low ponytail and it seems like she has headphones in as she walks down the street. There's a tiny smile on her face as if she's thinking about something that makes her happy.

Jungkook doesn't find her particularly beautiful, but she isn't ugly either. She's just very...

Simple...

Jungkook shakes his head, his eyes going over the photo and the girl's smile one more time. Maybe she's a double agent? Or a part of the mafia disguising herself as a school teacher?

He can't figure it out.

It doesn't matter much though, the job seems simple enough and the pay is more than he's ever gotten. After looking through everything once more, Jungkook closes the file and grabs his bagel, quickly eating it before getting up to get dressed for the day.

That night, Jungkook lays out his outfit for the next day.

It's all black, but not suspicious-looking. After all these years, he's been able to design the perfect outfits to avoid attention being drawn to him and simple enough so that no one would think much of him if he were to catch anyone's attention.

It might seem simple, but he prides himself on being able to get each part of his job perfectly designed for each case he gets.

Heaven knows it's taken him years to accomplish.

After he's gotten that all figured out, he walks over to his closet and pulls out a small safe. Setting it on the bed, he swiftly unlocks it and looks inside. He pulls out a few things, examining each of them before he sets them one by one onto his bed. Once he's got the items all laid out, he steps back to look it all over.

"I should wait to decide..." Jungkook mumbles to himself. After a minute of staring at everything, he nods and gathers it all up, carefully putting it back into the safe and locking it tightly. Then he brings it back to his closet and shoves it into the darkest corner where it lives.

That can wait.

He pulls his phone out and checks the time.

11:45

"Damn it," Jungkook mutters. He had wanted to get some sleep earlier tonight since he would have to be awake early tomorrow.

He changes into some shorts, then he yanks his shirt off and immediately climbs into bed, not even bothering to shower or brush his teeth. He really couldn't care less with how tired he is. And he hasn't even started yet.

His alarm blares at an ungodly hour as Jungkook groans loudly, resisting the temptation to chuck his phone across the room.

"I hate Mondays." He mutters angrily, setting his phone back on the nightstand far from gracefully.

He miserably drags himself out of bed and into the shower, going through his morning motions almost like a robot. His brain isn't fully awake and it's just on autopilot right now.

An hour later, he's just finishing his coffee, his eyes no longer squinting in exhaustion. Jungkook unceremoniously drops his coffee cup into the sink, promising himself he'll clean it up later, then he sighs as he grabs his black boots, walking to the couch to sit and pull them on. After he's done lacing them up, he grabs the file he's been avoiding like the plague since yesterday morning.

He mutters to himself, looking at the name on the page.

"I know that name."

Then he smacks his forehead to get himself to focus again. He stands up and folds the page with the girl's information and then her picture and tucks them into the inside pocket of his black jacket.

Time to get to work.

Jungkook spots the girl almost instantly, the second she steps out of a black car. He glances at the driver, but can only see a person with shoulder length black hair waving. The girl from the picture has a bunch of things in her arms as she blows a kiss to the short-haired driver.

Jungkook has been here since six-thirty in the morning and just as he was beginning to think she called in sick for work, he's finally gotten a chance to see this girl in person. She looks exactly as he remembers from her picture...plain.

She's even wearing the same white skirt and chunky tennis shoes, although this time she has a different top. Her hair is in a high ponytail this time.

"Well, ___. Nice to meet you." Jungkook mutters, watching closely.

After a moment, the black car drives away as the girl scurries into the school, tripping on the last step before straightening herself out again, then disappearing from his sight.

Huh.

Jungkook stares at the door for another minute, then he makes his way to the stores nearby, knowing he's gonna have to wait until the girl leaves. School for the young kids typically gets out at around three-thirty. So, he'll have to be back here around then.

He's definitely going to need to find something to do to kill time.

Jungkook heaves a sigh of relief when he hears the school bell finally ring.

He hurries from the clothes store he was browsing and down the street a block until he's almost across the street from the school. He finds a good spot where he can sift through some newspapers at a little stand and still have an eye on the school.

After a minute, he sees a long line of tiny children coming out from the school. The girl is with them and smiling brightly. Jungkook thinks he can hear some of the kids quacking like ducks. He tries not to look puzzled as he goes back to talking to the person working the paper stand. Jungkook makes small talk with the old man, still keeping an eye on the girl across the street as she waves to each child that leaves.

If she's some mafia boss disguised as a kindergarten teacher, she's one hell of a good actress.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" The old man inquires curiously.

Jungkook laughs softly and shakes his head, "No. I've been so busy with my work I never got the chance to date."

The man nods knowingly. They chat a bit more and Jungkook finds himself trying to balance talking to the man and watching the girl.

"Well, did you want to buy a paper for the day?"

Jungkook turns his gaze back to the old man and nods, "Yes. Two, please. My neighbor would probably enjoy one as well."

The old man laughs and nods, taking the money Jungkook hands him and giving him two papers, "What a kind young man you are. Someday you'll find a lovely young lady, don't you worry, son. You will realize that work is important, but love is even more so."

Jungkook just laughs and thanks the man, then he opens the paper as he slowly starts walking, pretending to read.

He stops at a bench and sits down to wait. The girl went back into the school a few minutes ago, hopefully, she won't be in there long.

Luck seems to be with him today, because, after only about five minutes, Jungkook sees a familiar white skirt flowing as she skips down the steps of the school.

He folds his paper carefully, tucking it into his back pocket. The girl puts little earbuds in and immediately starts to mouth the words of whatever song she's listening to. Jungkook tugs his black baseball cap down a little more as he follows on the other side of the street.

The girl has a bag decorated with cupcakes and cookies that bounces up and down as she dances a little.

What is she, twelve?

Jungkook watches in confusion as the girl stops to pet a dog, giggling when the puppy licks her hand. She straightens up, then after another minute, she seems to get distracted by something else.

Jungkook looks carefully and notices she's picked up a flower that was laying on the ground, seemingly trampled on. She gently holds it in her hands as she continues on her way. It goes on like this for the next fifteen minutes, the girl waving to people and smiling almost the whole way.

By the time she is walking up the steps to her apartment, Jungkook is dying to just get back home. That must have been the longest most annoying walk he's ever taken while tracking someone. The girl had stopped over twenty times, distracted by something else each time, he's sure of it.

Just to be sure, Jungkook lingers around the apartment building a little longer, but when it seems apparent that the girl is going to be staying there, he finally heads home.

Geez, Jungkook thinks in annoyance as he climbs the stairs that lead to his own apartment. His head is spinning with so many questions while he unlocks his door and yanks his boots off with a groan.

But when he plops down onto his bed in his tiny studio apartment, he just stares at the ceiling, his mind suddenly blank apart from one question.

Who in the hell would put a hit on this girl?

a/n: I hope you guys are liking the setup so far, thank you for all the positive reactions from the prologue!

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beepboop358 · 3 years

Text

How I think the characters will react to Byler when it is officially officially confirmed in the show:

El: once El realizes she doesn't romantically love Mike, she will become an avid byler protector.

El is a badass independent woman with a pure heart of gold. She cares deeply for Mike because he was the first person to show her any sort of compassion, so she will want him to be happy, and after she grows closer to Will, she will want Will to be happy too. El won't understand the societal stigmas around Mike and Will liking each other, since she was raised in a lab away from society and then lived isolated in Hopper's cabin, she has no knowledge of what society deems right from wrong surrounding sexuality and love. She will think other people thinking Mike and Will's relationship is 'wrong' or 'unnatural' is utter bullshit and completely stupid, as she should!

Jonathan: he will be 100% supportive. He knows how Lonnie tormented Will and made homophobic remarks about Will being gay when he was younger. He has always encouraged Will to be himself and ignore what others say, especially what Lonnie says. Jonathan will also be a byler protector.

Jonathan knows Will isn't "normal", he even said Will was "good at hiding" in s1 which has several meanings, and he probably already knows Will likes Mike because of how he immediately turns to look at Will after Mike blurts out he loves El in s3 in Hopper's cabin.

s1 ep. 2: "He's trying to force you to like normal things, and you shouldn't like things because people tell you you're supposed too."

s2 ep. 1: "No I'm serious. You're a freak. But what? Do you want to be normal? Do you wanna be just like everybody else? Being a freak is the best. I'm a freak. Who would you rather be friends with? Bowie or Kenny Rogers? Exactly. It's no contest. The thing is, nobody normal ever accomplished anything meaningful in this world. You got it?"

------(Some subtle queer coding there with the Bowie reference; David Bowie was a bisexual musician, and he also sings the original version of the song "Heroes" that plays after Will's fake body is found in s1, and the lines that play while Mike cries and hugs his Mom are extremely queer coded: "And we kiss as though nothing could fall. And the shame.")

Nancy: It's implied Nancy and Mike are pretty close, and honestly I think she has always suspected that Mike has a little thing for Will. From the look on Nancy’s face when he blurts out he loves El, it kind of reads as like she doesn’t believe him, because she knows something.

s1 ep.7: "I knew you were acting weird, I just, I thought it was beause of Will"

Joyce: will be 100% supportive, and a protective mama bear of Will as always, but also for Mike. Joyce will join the club of avid byler protectors along with Jonathan and El.

Dustin: avid byler supporter. I think he's picked up on how much Mike cares for Will, how Will cares for Mike, and has probably suspected at least something this whole time. Dustin doesn't care about being considered cool he cares about doing what he likes and being true to himself, and that belief for sure translates into how he views his friends as well. He will absolutely support Mike and Will and treat them normally.

s3 ep.3: "Instead of dating somebody because you think it's gonna make you cooler, why not date somebody you actually enjoy being around?" s1 ep.6: "Sometimes your total obliviousness just blows my mind"

Max: She seems pretty perceptive, so she's probably picked up on Mike and Will's 'special dynamics' by now, and we know she's definitely sick of how Mike treated El. She will be supportive of Will and Mike, but mostly she will just be glad Mike isn't with El anymore LOL.

Lucas: I think he definitely notices Mike seems to reallllyyyy care for Will, and that Mike doesn't act the same about El, although he claims too. I think Lucas sees through Mike's bullshit. Look at his smirking face and crossed arms when Mike frantically asks where Will is in s2:

and how he reacts the same way to Mike blurting out he loves El and "can't lose her again" in s3:

Hopper: he will probably want to kill Mike again.

"wait what?! so.. let me get this straight...all that time you were making out with my daughter, you were just...pretending to love her? You lied to her the whole time you two 'dated' yeah? And now you're dating your best friend. Oh god wait, I watched you tell him that asking him to be your friend was the best thing you ever did that night in the shed... Oh you little asshole!"

I can't imagine Hopper being homophobic towards Will and Mike, but I don't see him jumping up and down for them either. He will mainly be upset that Mike dated El when he was actually in love with Will, and not care so much that Mike is in love with another boy, just another person. But once he processes that El is actually okay, he will be fine with it.

Lonnie: is the literal scum of the earth! Obviously Lonnie will hate that Will is gay and dating another man. He will probably make some comments about how he "always knew it" and call Will and Mike homophobic slurs, probably at Will's birthday.

s1 ep.1: "He used to say he was queer, called him a f*g"

Steve: "Oh you two little shits are dating now? But I thought he was into the psionic chick? No? Okay, alright cool. Uh hey have you guys met Robin yet? I think you would get along, you know what I'll introduce you." Steve was so accepting of Robin coming out to him, there's no way he won't have the same kind of reaction for Mike and Will.

Robin: once she gets to actually know them and spend time with them, she will adopt Mike and Will as her gay sons and inspire them to be themselves and help them out whenever they need it. She will also pick up on the fact that they like each other immediately. If we don't get this pairing in s4 because of location logistics, I really hope we get it in s5!!!

Erica: she won't be homophobic, but she just won't care too much.

Karen: will encourage Mike to follow his heart, and like whoever he likes, because a relationship needs real love to survive, and she knows all too well what it is like to be stuck in a relationship with no love, and she doesn't want that for her kids, she wants better for them. She wants Mike to be truly happy no matter what, and she doesn't want to see him repeat her mistakes. Karen will be very supportive of Mike, and probably defend him to Ted.

s1 ep.2: "All this that’s been going on with Will, I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you. I just…I want you to feel like you can talk to me. I never want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me. I’m here for you okay?”

Ted: he won't be as much of an asshole as Lonnie will be about it, but he will probably make some snarky comments.

s1 ep.7: “our son with a girl? *scoffing*”

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forbidding-souda · 2 years

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Forgive me if this is random but could I have some hhhhhh Kaito X Leon relationship headcanons?

Kaito Momota x Leon Kuwata relationship headcanons

yolo my godfather bought me carls jr and the carls jr barbeque sauce tastes so much different and it's in a new package. why. it's kinda yucky. why change it. i'm lost.

-Mod Souda

❤ Kaito is three inches taller than him I would just like to say that off the bat.

❤ Kaito would give him cheek kisses all the time. He's also probably the type of guy to grab his partner by the back of the neck to bring them into a kiss (such a manly thing).

❤ Leon is more interested in the astrology about space rather than like literally anything else. He is the type to wish upon a star (perhaps Kaito could tell?).

❤ Kaito being all into space and stuff makes it so much easier to write songs about him.

❤ In term of sports Kaito will suddenly turn into a team manager and start giving him advice as if he's not literally the SHSL Baseball player. "When you train your form is awful!-"

❤ Whenever girls walk up and flirt with Leon, Kaito just stands there awkwardly and his first thought isn't even jealous it's "why won't they flirt with me, too?".

❤ It'll be hard to get Kaito away from that man. Oh he's at a game? Kaito is watching it. He's at a concert? Kaito is there too. He's sick? Kaito doesn't care, he's still going to be hanging out with him.

❤ Kaito does push-ups with him on his back lol.

❤ Imagine Leon waking up and Kaito is just on the floor next to him in a plank position lmfao.

❤ Kaito is much more likely to lose house keys compared to Leon but I think a few times both of them have lost them and there was no access to the inside of the house.

❤ ^ Leon would have opted to break the window and Kaito wouldn't have stopped him.

❤ Kaito would give dramatic speeches trying to encourage him to go to practice.

❤ Leon does not "hold him back" at all - Kaito is still completely free-willed, as he has found somebody with the same amount of passion and prerogative as he has.

❤ With Kaito, Leon doesn't really have any more need to impress girls, so his motivation towards being a musician has dwindled a little (Kaito might present a like slideshow about how he shouldn't give up on his dreams).

❤ Kaito is extremely nice and open-hearted, which Leon is extremely attracted to. He loves somebody who is supportive (and sexy as fuck-).

❤ ^ Kaito also being oblivious so sexual topics is something that Leon likes a lot since Leon is canonly into like. "pure hearted" people.

❤ Even though Leon is mildly hot-headed, once Kaito gets close to him, he stops being the victim of his outrages. Leon finds a soft spot in his heart for him and would start to feel bad if he ever said anything upsetting (especially with that sad looks Kaito gets on his face).

❤ I think these two are a really good match. Leon has this whole like ulterior motive thing going on with the careers he wants to take, and Kaito is good at analyzing people, so Kaito could just like break Leon's whole aura down in a blink of an eye.

❤ ^ Which he probably does and then Leon gets hella irritated with him LMFAO.

#kaito momota #leon kuwata #danganronpa rare pair #danganronpa rarepairs #danganronpa rarepair #rarepair #rare pair

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aro-culture-is · 3 years

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Well, I'd like an advise or maybe an opinion.

(English isn't my native language but I hope It'll be understandable)

To be honest I could never understand romantic love or sexual attraction. When I was a kid, I used to think that when I'll grew up could understand and then fall in love as everyone does.

When a was a teenager I really tried to feel love. Always and everywhere I heard that I needed it, all TV shows, movies, music, books, even people, everything or almost everything always turned around romantic love, but I couldn't felt it myself. It was like if I were missing something, like I was incompetent, like something about me was so wrong because I simply couldn't, when according almost all people in the universe it's the most important thing. That feel love was what makes a human a human but I couldn't feel it and I was so angry against myself.

Several times I chose a boy I tried so bad feel something, anything. Tried to heard romantic songs and imagined that I felt in that way. Even after "Love is Love" become a popular phrase I tought that I needed get in love more than ever, with anyone while it were love. (Yes, I was silly)

Sexuality wasn't better, I couldn't understood why people, all my friends wanted sex I felt weird, like a child who wasn't mature enough but I had hope that one day I'll could feel it. I remember seen how all teenage series or books main characters wanted sex, how It was so important and people who don't feel in that way were weird or robots but it doesn't matter 'cause at the end they'll get "The right one" and they'll taste how incredible sex is.

"When I'll older, I'd feel all these beautiful things and... at the end I'll be normal" was something I tought a lot when I felt weird, strange and wrong against myself.

Last year I found Aromatic and Asexual Tag. I couldn't belive it but I wasn't sure how I feel aboult it. I'm so scared, too afraid that never I could feel love or have a sexual attraction.

I feel like I'm born without something so important, incomplete, boken.

Hi,

Honestly, these types of messages are always so hard to respond to. I personally never felt bad about being aro or ace, when I used to be ace, and so it's hard for me to relate. The best I can do is to offer some of the reasons I feel okay as myself, an aro individual, and hope that something helps.

To start with, "normal" was a goal I could never reach. Ever since I was very young, other kids always identified me as the outsider. I'm neurodivergent, mentally ill, chronically ill, and agender. Normal kids could run in gym. Normal kids didn't feel weird and unsettled when they were called a girl or boy. Normal kids could nap around each other, and did not worry uncontrollably about having a cruel prank pulled on them if they slept. Normal kids would talk with other kids, and did not enthusiastically spend hours tiling patterns with shape blocks. I was not a normal kid, and I knew pretty quickly that I never could be.

When I first came across aromanticism and asexuality, my response was more or less "oh, neat! more terms in this community that I don't understand." It took another year before I truly took a look at them and had a dawning awareness that they fit me. I wasn't worried about not having romantic relationships or sex - neither seemed like my type of thing. Neither romance nor sex would, in fact, really be my thing up until I was 15.

I had an orchestra concert on my birthday that year. Of course, it always seemed to line up that way - I played in a concert every birthday from my 9th through my 18th. This one would end with my standpartner asking me out - and me saying no, I'm sorry, I'm not interested in people that way. She was very upset, but took my answer at face value. The problem was... she was from a very, very rich family. Every single person I talked to all night, and through the week would tell me I should have said yes - have I seen the clothes she wears? Have I not noticed that they were expensive? (I hadn't, actually.) It didn't matter if I didn't love her - she was rich and I should have said yes anyways.

I carried that with me. I kept talking with her, discovered our highly interconnected friend group, and realized that she was fast becoming my best friend. I introduced her to someone who she then dated, and got her out when I saw the red flags piling up. People kept talking about how I should give her a chance. So... I did. And the emotional labor kept piling up.

TW for discussions of unhealthy relationships, dubious consent in sexual encounters, and mentions of suicide baiting and suicide threats. Skip to bolded green text to avoid this content.

Looking back, there were red flags very early on. She asked only with her hands and took my surprise and physical reactions as consent. She and I were both living in abusive environments and highly depressed - but while I could and would try to bring myself back when I got too far, she wouldn't. She'd discuss how I was the only reason she stayed around - and how, if I left her, she might commit suicide. I soldiered on, dumping emotional labor in.

A boy with a crush on me suicide baited her in hopes of making the emotional ask on me so bad that I'd lean on him and break up with her. After the messy conclusion of that experience - so traumatic that I have PTSD flashbacks around it at times - she determined that she was too much of a wreak to talk to me. I told almost no one of what had happened to me - but I was blamed for her condition and not "helping" enough when it was over a month before she recovered emotionally.

End of TW.

I learned that society thinks romantic relationships are a beautiful thing we should all aim to have. I learned that they could be awful, and society would deem it my fault if it wasn't. Of course, some people had good relationships - but during the near year in which I dated someone who I thought was my best friend and dearest companion, I never felt like she did towards me. I never grew more comfortable with any romance. I just learned how to suffer more in silence and help others.

I like being aromantic. I like being queer. These communities have taught me that I am worth more, and deserve better than to force myself to perform romance for an unrelenting crowd. I've been encouraged to learn more deeply what brings me joy, and to let go of expectations that were never going to bring me joy. I learned that I could redefine what romance and sex and children meant in my life.

I can still support my friends in their romantic endeavors, even if I find it, in all honesty, confusing. I can have sex if I want to, and establish boundaries. Even if I don't want to be a parent, I can always help with child-rearing. I am allowed to be me.

And really? The saddest thing of all was when I couldn't be me, and I had to listen to society even when it meant harm to my well-being.

Not being aromantic.

- mod axel

#not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod axel #long post #oh god that is so long i'm so sorry #uh #advice #followers pls add if you'd like to

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stray-kids-react · 3 years

Text

Doing WAP dance perfectly

(If you don't know what WAP is. It's a suggestive dance with a lot of twerking and grinding.)

Masterlist

...

Bang Chan

° Chan always called you cute, you would try your hardest to be hot... But he'd still see you as an adorable lil bean. You became worried that he didn't see you in a sexual way at all, and decided to see if you could possibly get him flustered by doing such a dirty dance.

° You wore the sexiest outfit in your closet, leaving barely anything to the imagination. You walked into Chan's studio with a large trench coat hiding the treat you had in store for your boyfriend. Noticing Chan was alone, you decided to let the coat drop to your feet.

° Blush crept onto his cheeks, bottom lip bittne by his teeth. It was making a mark on him, until you started the music. That song was too much of a meme to be sexy to him, especially since Felix tried to attempt it in front of him once and gave up half way.

° Even if you looked extremely sexy while pounding into the ground, he couldn't help but giggle by the choice of song. If it were something more sensual and romantic, than he would be on the ground with you. But WAP turned him off quite a bit.

"Chan! I wanted to be sexy... Am I not hot?"

"Of course you are hot, it's just the song."

Lee Know

° Minho is a tease who loves you very much, but is not a fan of that trend. He can't help but cringe when he sees someone do it in public for everyone to see, he doesn't know why but it just effects him a lot in all of the wrong ways. But you didn't know this.

° While he alone in the dance practice room, you walked in with WAP blaring from your phone. You then put it on the bench and began to dance along with it perfectly, the phone was recording everything. Including Minho's uncomfortable expression.

° He was impressed by your hips, but the whole song and trend gave him terrible flashbacks to the tiktok he witnessed before. Even if he wanted to smile, it came off very fake or turned into some mixture of cringe and fake happiness.

° Minho did not want to hurt your feelings, but he truly couldn't help it when you did the WAP dance. You thought he was teasing you and trying to annoy you, and you continue to think that til this day. But he was truly not impressed by that trend that you did.

"I know you secretly loved it, don't deny it."

"Oh trust me, I won't deny anything."

Changbin

° You were trying so hard to learn this dance, you wanted to do it for yourself and to also impress your boyfriend. Even when you failed miserabley, Changbin still sent hearts of encouragement and asked if you could give him another show of it.

° He would be lying if he denied that he didn't get a tiny bit turned on when you pounded into the ground, but he didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable so he didn't tell you unless you noticed or asked him about it. Which you did a couple of times.

° Wonders how your body can move so smoothly while doing such harsh and sexual moves, especially when it comes to the twerking. You challenged Changbin to twerk with you, and you weren't surprised when he was actually pretty good at it.

° Will record the challenge, helping you edit it and re recording it if you don't like the final product. Changbin is supportive of your interests and even if he isn't overly into WAP, he finds anything you do breathtaking. And think your better than Cardi B herself.

"I swear you are better than Cardi B babe."

"Stop buttering me up lover boy."

Hyunjin

° Truly conflicted. He is impressed by your dance skills, but also doesn't want your followers to see you dancing so proactively. He wants to be the only one to see you acting this way, but he also finds it a bit amusing on how serious you seem.

° Your dancing to a song called 'Wet Ass Pussy' and yet your face seems like your doing an interview at the job of your dreams. This will calm his nerves a tiny bit, knowing you aren't doing this to get attention. But rather because you're bored and wanted to.

° Will sometimes hum along to the song while it's playing, getting shy if he reads out the dirty lyrics about sex. Even though it has become more of a meme than a sensual getting it on song, it still makes him flustered because of how raunchy it is.

° Claps when you've finally succeeded the dance, smiling proudly since he saw how hard you worked for a non benefitial trend. Once you posted the challenge, he would like and save it immediately. Secretly watching it while he goes on tour.

"Does it hurt when you hump the ground?"

"You get used to it after a while."

Han

° Knew that you were going to want to do it, you like to try out different trends to see if you like them or not. He just wasn't expecting to see you do WAP so closely, he thought he'd scroll through tik tok and then you'd be twerking on his feed.

° He was scrolling through Instagram when you got up and began to do the dance, he was trying to comprehend what was going on since you did so out of the blue. Became your personal cheerleader when you went into the splits, hyping you up quite a bit.

° Won't see it as a sensual dance, is more impressed than turned on. He'll high five you afterwards, and then 'high fives' your toosh for doing most of the work. You will become flustered with his compliments, giggling as he drums your bottom teasingly.

° Goes through your social media accounts later, to make sure there aren't any pervs commenting degrading things. If he sees any he'll report them, knowing he is the only one to say things such as 'that's some fine peice of ass' to you.

"Baby, are you scrolling my comments?"

"mhm, there are some creepy followers."

Felix

° Tik tok master, already knows all of the moves and probably taught you them. Felix likes to boost your confidence up and become your own personal happiness, even if you thought you looked cringey and horrid in the video, he'd tell you the opposite.

° Won't force you to do it in front of people or even post the video, even though you look amazing he still doesn't mind if keeping it private. Is a protective sunshine who would feel a bit of relief if you didn't post it, but would never ever admit that to you.

° When you were your best friend was visiting, you both decided to attempt the popular trend. She stopped half way through do to laughter, while you kept going. Felix rushed to you from the kitchen, beginning to throw money on you to enhance the laughter.

° If you get embarrassed when dialing one of the many attempts, he'll comfort you and shower you with kisses til you feel better. Over all he is a sweetheart who cherishes your happiness, and he'll do anything to hear your beautiful laugh and see your smile.

"Don't be shy love *kiss* you were great. *kiss*."

"The kisses make me more shy Felix."

Seungmin

° Knew you were on tik tok, and witnessed you attempt a couple of trends, mosy dance challenges. But never expected you to do WAP, you both were generally introverted and were much more soft with each other in public rather than all over each other.

° Even in photos of you two together, the most anyone will see is hand holding. That's why many people were surprised to see you doing such a bold and raunchy dance for many people to see, the reason behind it was a dare from your close friend.

° A staff member showed him the video, giggling as they couldn't beleive what you did. Seungmin smiled, seeing you so confident and bold made him feel proud. He wasn't upset or jealous in the slightest, he was extactic to see you be so confident.

° When he arrived home, you asked him about his opinion on the video. He could tell you didn't like it and were self conscious about it. So instead o replying at first, he embraced you in a gentle hug. Rubbing your shoulder blades as he complimented you.

"You looked stunning in the video."

"A-are you sure? Don't lie to me Seungmin."

Jeongin

° Stray kids knew you for as long as they knew Jeongin, you were his best friend turned lover and they saw you as family. That is why it made it 10x more awkward for both you and Jeongin when Felix noticed your newest post on tik tok.

° You thought you saved it privately, and did NOT want it to be public due to having such an open account with many followers. Your family even followed your account, so this made you nearly pass out knowing many people have already seen this video.

° You immediately deleted the video, even though it was far too late. Jeongin was a bit shy from witnessing you do such a raunchy dance, but he wanted to comfort you nonetheless. His ears were bright pink as you clung onto him, trying to calm down.

° A couple days after the incident, Minho and Han would tease you lightly. Jeongin occasionally joined in, unless he noticed you became very flustered and would then put a stop to the teasing. He still found it adorable how embarrassed you were of the video.

"What if my mom saw this!?"

"... What if she didn't. There is a chance."

#stray kids #kpop #skz scenarios #stray kids reactions #changbin #han jisung #hyunjin #jeongin #lee know #bang chan #felix skz #skz seungmin #skz requests #skz reactions #wapchallenge

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fragileizywriting · 2 years

Note

How does DL!Marinette react to finding out SAS!Luka is a virgin...

i’m imagining there’s a bit of a shock first. she knows better than to sniffing guests— how rude! she’s polite!— so she doesn’t find out until hours later when kitty and the new luka are throwing quips at each other during lunch.

“you need a girlfriend,” kitty sighs as the conversation starts to break into twos. marinette’s always loved when there’s so many people in a house that it’s hard for her to pick which conversation to listen and focus on, but she’s so interested in hearing, well, herself talk. who’dve guessed? “or a boyfriend. whatever. you need to get laid.”

“tell that to my dad,” the younger luka grumbles, taking a sip out of kitty’s straw. christ, he’s so reminiscent but so unique compared to hers— even the way he sits is so different from her luka. he’s so laid back in his chair, legs slightly open, black nails drumming along the table like he’s trying to map out a song, instead of her luka who sits naturally with slightly closed shoulders so he doesn't take up any more space than he needs to, wary of his stray elbows. “he accidentally told everyone i’m his son when i was fourteen, remember? and now i don’t trust anyone to get close to me without knowing they’re trying to be a groupie. ten years of this shit.”

“you have a dad?” marinette blurts out, excusing herself from the other side of the table to sit closer. her two boys, her adrien and luka, are busy talking to an adrien that looks identical, with absolutely no sense of being grumpy. this new adrien is so carefree, so smiley, something so squinty and kind at the sides of his eyes that she knows that her luka is in love with it. she can see the little heart eyes in the pupils of her favorite angel, and she doesn't blame him.

she’s in love with it, too.

she loves adrien and luka in all their forms.

but something about this new, younger, teasing luka keeps snatching her eye.

he grins at her. flat, human teeth shine in his mouth— the snake bites make up for the lack of fangs, something attractive in the way he looks at her through his bangs. “just one. still too much sometimes, though.”

kitty nods hard enough to tempt a pin to come loose out of her neck. “i remember when he crashed your school…”

“awkward. the principal kept kissing my ass for the rest of the year. i didn’t find peace until i switched schools.”

“i’ll say. the amount of screaming when they found out you’re his son? i felt like i was in an anime.”

“who’s your dad?”

“oh,” the young luka blinks, going a tiny bit shy. “uhm, is he not— i mean— i thought i’d have the same dad here.”

“luka— my luka— he doesn’t have a dad.” hard to explain this to a human, but something tells her that they’ll find out by the end of the night. she's itching to get her claws into this luka already, just to see how nice his whines are. but she's polite. and she's collected. and no matter how hard she wants to sniff him all over like an animal, she knows better.

something sympathetic and all-knowing crosses his face. “no way. divorce?”

“awh. that’s terrible,” kitty adds when marinette tries to figure out how to respond. “wait, but he exists here as a famous person! i know he does!”

“how do you—”

“i spotted his CD on the rack,” she points. “he’s here! and famous, too!”

but… she’s pointing at their jagged stone collection. something short circuits in marinette’s brain. “wait, jagged is your dad? but— but you’re— and, and he isn't—”

“i’m half korean from my mom’s side,” this younger luka shrugs. “i take after my mom, which is why no one believes me whenever i say jagged is my dad. she’s from scotland, but our family is korean.”

“so you have a mom, too?” marinette blurts out harder. curse of being a succubus and not being able to keep her tongue in check.

this younger luka frowns. there’s something teasing about it, like nothing actually genuinely gets him upset— just like her luka— but the teasing looks a smidge malicious. a smidge… chaotic. flirtacious. this boy— well, this man— is flirting with her. he’s young— didn’t he say he’s twenty-four?— so he doesn’t look like he’s totally grown into himself just yet. maybe that teasing is false confidence— he works with it. he does. but she can hear how hard his heart beats when he makes eye contact, like he’s scared of her reaction.

what she wouldn't give to know what he's thinking right now.

“well, yeah. i have a mom. i had to come out of someone’s vagina.”

“shut up,” kitty laughs. “you’re being so insensitive. so... badmouthy. why are you being so gross?”

he ducks his head. apologetic? ignoring kitty? their relationship is so fascinating. “hey, is your luka an orphan?”

“i’ll let him answer that,” marinette shrugs. “it’s complicated.”

he takes it with stride. after all, after the absolute mess the whole day has been, there’s not much any of them can do to make it weirder, they came out of a portal in supersuits. they watched the three of them absolutely decimate elysium because of a magical villain, with kitty moving so quick it was hard to see her, running along the counter of the bar and swinging her bo staff around. hell, there’s already another version of her in her own living room— what’s next to surprise any of them? “after my dad outted me being his son, i got no peace. people crawling all over me just to get to my dad— forgive me for being a virgin. hey, speaking of, how do you do it, handsome? from one son of a rich guy to another.”

he’s a— hold on— a virgin? wait.

wait wait wait.

wait.

oh. oh.

ohohoho.

“how is it that your dad is a millionaire but your phone is, like, six years old?” kitty teases, completely ignorant to marinette’s brain starting to leak.

“you know what my mom is like,” luka snorts, going quiet when the younger adrien breaks his conversation to look over. “hey, handsome. how’d you get laid?”

the younger adrien, too, snickers with a roll of his eyes, as the conversation quiets. he's so polite with the way he keeps his hands in his lap, trying not to interfere— oh, but that sweetness in his eyes— it's so uncommon to see it on her adrien's face whenever there are strangers around, but this adrien seems to wear his heart on his sleeve. he's so biteable. “i found a girl who fell in love with me for my humor and decided i was worth keeping around. i didn't pick her up, i am on her shoulder, and i have no plans of coming down.”

“bless you both for going public,” the younger luka flips him off, something dry and biting in his voice as kitty gushes and awhs and everyone laughs. “i know it was hard on you both.”

her adrien's eyes narrow at the young luka, rubbing at his chest. "you three aren't dating?"

"are you insane? you saw the damage we caused at the bar earlier today, didn't you?"

"luka and i are like matchsticks." kitty thinks about it for a second. then another. "matchsticks and a bomb."

"we take shifts with adrien."

"that's not true," adrien quips, turning red. "hush. don't lie, that's bad. luka and i aren't dating."

"there's nothing to be ashamed of," her luka teases. "i think luka's a handsome guy."

ah, but, she's not going to let this go, is she? of course she isn't. marinette doesn't give up a scent trail once she's found one, and this looks... interesting. young luka, being a virgin? she can solve that. oh, sweetheart. she can solve that so quickly.

“you— uhm. you haven’t… with anyone before?” marinette bites her tongue.

“princess,” her adrien warns with a knowing grin.

“hush.” she puts a finger up to cut him off. “i’m just... curious.”

“‘curious’,” her luka muses, rubbing at his chest. oops. what’s the wishes in his chest right now? “uh huh.”

she flicks her pointerfinger towards him, passing it off like she’s just stimming with her fingers, letting a tiny bit of electricity spark from her glowing nails and hit him. not enough to stun— definitely not— just enough to make him grin harder at the way she teases. she locks gazes with the young luka, something sharpening in her eyes when he freezes like he's been caught in a predator's line of sight. “i’m just curious! you’re just so handsome, after all.”

"oh," young luka responds, something darkening across his face. oooh. yummy. "uhm. i— thanks."

new mission. fix that pesky little virgin problem of his.

#speakizys #demon lovin #sorry ghostie this was 1.5k words #uhm. part two coming out soon ig LMAO #izycrossover

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arminbitchlover · 3 years

Text

the moon is beautiful, isn't it? (1)

pairing: connie springer x gn! reader

content warnings: mention of vomit, blood, angst, & death

summary: chapter 138 spoilers / you and connie have been in love for years, falling for each other at the exact same moments. one night, connie tries to hint his feelings towards you on top of utgard's castle, but you don't catch it, so connie shrugs it off. a few years later, during the rumbling, connie decides that it's finally time to admit how he feels.

song recommendations : the swans by: camille saint-saëns, gymnopédie no. 1 by: erik satie, nocturne no. 2 in e flat op.9 no. 2 by: frédéric chopin, and mia and sebastian's theme by: justin hurwitz

word count 4.1k

DO NOT POST/SHARE ANY PART OF MY WORK ON TIKTOK

This is the end.

You lay on the stone floor atop Utgard castle, gazing at the stars while reminiscing on all the memories you made with your friends.

Everything is becoming too much for you; nobody knows how titans are infiltrating the walls if there's no breach, you still have no idea where Eren, Mikasa, and Armin are, and now you're left with no ODM gear to fight in case titans were to take over your refuge.

You feel completely utterly useless.

"It was a good run," You mutter to yourself, feeling the lump in your throat get stronger.

You're not ready to give it all up, your life as a scout was just about to begin. You've met so many people that mean so much to you, especially him.

You won't ever forget when you first met him; Sasha introduced him as her bestfriend and you instantly fell in love with everything about him; his eyes, his voice, his laugh, and his sense of humor, just everything about him is absolutely perfect.

You continue your search for constellations amongst the stars, trying to distract your mind from the harsh reality.

"Hey." You hear a voice come from the door and you turn to have your eyes meet with golden brown orbs.

It's him.

"Connie." You sit up, moving your legs close to your chest with your jacket spread across them.

You feel your face start to heat up as he gets closer to you. You could never understand why he has such an effect on you, he could do the slightest thing and your heart will always skip a beat.

"Mind if I sit?" He walks towards you, one of his hands scratching the back of his neck.

"Be my guest." You gesture on the empty spot next to you, feeling your heartbeat start to quicken as you immediately catch his scent while he settles in next to you.

You glance down and see that your hands are only an inch maybe centimeters apart; god, how bad you wanted to hold it to make you feel better. You look back up, worried that he may have seen but notice that his gaze is fixated on the stars.

"Beautiful, right?" You move your focus back to the night sky.

Almost as beautiful as him.

"Sure beats this shithole," He chuckles.

"Yeah, it sure does..." You trail off, looking back down to the floor while fidgeting with your fingers.

Silence thickens between the two of you, but not the awkward kind when nobody knows what to say, rather the kind that just wants to savor each other's presence. You enjoy it, worried that if you were to say something you might burst into tears from panic, anger, confusion, and sadness.

“...Christa told me you were up here.” He turns to you, sharing a sympathetic look.

“Yeah, I- um told her I would spend some time here for a bit before sleeping.” You take in a deep breath and rub the back of your neck.

You didn't dare overload Connie with your feelings. It wasn't because you thought he would shove them under the rug or tell you to suck it up, but you were fully aware what he was going through as well.

“We’re going to be okay, you know.” He reads you like a book, seeing through your calm demeanor and knowing you were just a ball of anxiety ready to burst at any moment.

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"We're going to be okay, you know." Connie laughs, helping you undo your ODM gear.

"Ugh, I wish! This training will be the death of me, I swear." You giggle and place your gear on the table.

You love the way he makes you smile. Even when your body is on the verge of extreme fatigue and exhaustion, he somehow always made you feel a bit better about the whole situation.

"If it makes you feel any better, we're finally having a hot dinner." He places his gear next to yours and you both walk to the dining room.

"As great as that does sound, I just need to get this gunk and sweat off of me." You feel disgusted with yourself, thinking about the number of hours you spent outdoors in the heat.

"Yeah that too, you smell like a Titan just threw up on you," He playfully jokes, already speeding up his pace as he knows what's about to come next.

"Asshole!" You laugh and chase him down the hall.

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It was strange, you could be on opposite sides of the world, but he always knows if something was bothering you, like an invisible tether always kept the two of you in sync.

“You don't know that, Connie.” Your eyes start to get glossy, looking back up to try and hold back your tears.

You can't understand why everything in your life has to end up so shitty. For once you just want to save lives and be the hero that everyone needed after the Shiganshina incident, but you can't even do that.

“Y/n.” He scoots closer to you, gently pulling your head to his chest as he lightly traces your back.

You hold your breath and become stiff as you hear Connie’s heartbeat. Fuck, you'll never get used to this, no matter how many times it happens. Having him comfort you when everything was going wrong and assuring you not to worry and that it was all going to work out, made you forget all your problems for a moment.

"No regrets though, right?" He lightens up the mood with an inside joke.

"No regrets." You smile and feel yourself melt into his embrace.

You love the way he makes you feel, whether you're upset, sad, frustrated, or maybe just hungry, he always finds a way to make your day not so shitty.

“Why are you doing this?” You ask while you bury your head into his chest, feeling like this is too good to be true.

You feel his chest stop moving and his arm stay still. Silence once again takes over and lingers in the air.

"I mean, after what you found out about your family, I-" He cuts you off.

“I… just really care about you.” And he isn’t lying, he cares about you more than you could imagine.

What you didn't know was that he has been in love with you ever since the day Sasha introduced you as a member of her training squad. He adores everything about you: your voice, your lips, the way your eyes lit up when you ramble about things you're passionate about, and your wits, just everything about you is absolutely perfect.

It didn't take him long to realize he had fallen head over heels for you months ago, but he couldn't tell you. There's no possible way in his eyes for everything to work out if he tells you. He knows the risks of everyone’s lives when it comes to being a scout. He can't bear the thought of becoming more attached to you than he already is and know that he might not have you the next day.

“I care about you too.” You hide your wide grin, relishing this moment for as long as you could.

“Y-You do?” Connie chokes, causing you to pull away and make eye contact.

“Of course I do, why wouldn't I?” You immediately inhale a sharp breath, scared that you may have said something wrong.

‘I need to do it now.’ Connie’s thoughts start to cloud his mind. ‘If this is it, I need her to know.’

“I just… I don't know. Forget it.” He opens up his arm again, inviting you back into his chest.

You brush it off, not wanting to ruin what you already have, and lean back into him. You start copying his breathing, finding comfort that you never thought you would never find again.

You close your eyes for bit, trying your best to memorize everything in the moment. The material of his shirt, his warm skin against yours, the light breeze that hits your face, everything.

“The uh- the moon is beautiful, isn't it?” He quietly stammers, and you immediately feel his heartbeat begin to pound and so does yours.

It can't be.

You know exactly what that means, but does he? Was he just saying that because the full moon that illuminates the hills genuinely looks beautiful? He has to be, right? This night was already beginning to feel like a dream, there’s no way he means what you want it to.

“Yeah, I guess.” You wince as you hear the words fall from your mouth.

You sit in silence yet again, but this time filled with unwanted tension. While your head is spinning with a million thoughts, Connie can't help but feel anger with himself. Why couldn't he just come out and say it? Did you not know what he meant or did you really just reject him?

"It's getting a bit cold, so I'm gonna head inside. You coming?" You put on your jacket, avoiding eye contact to hide the tears that were on the verge of falling down your face.

"Nah, I'm going to um- stay up here a bit." He clears his throat and kees his gaze fixated to the moon.

"Oh alright, well goodnight, Connie." You weakly smile and walk away.

"Goodnight, y/n." He whispers, not loud enough for you to hear.

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chapter 138 spoilers

"Y/n, we need to go get Armin, now." Mikasa snaps you out of your thoughts.

"But Connie? He has to be near here somewhere, I-I just know it." Panic sinks in as you scan through the battle of the titan shifters to find your lover.

"Y/N SNAP OUT OF IT!" You slightly jump and turn to her, her face becoming flushed with red.

"Sh- Sorry, right, Armin." You shake your head, covering Mikasa as she makes her way towards the pig-type titan.

It's been 4 years ever since that night on Utgard's castle and you remember every second of it. A day never went by when you didn't think back to that moment and wonder what could've been if you had said something different, but you couldn't and you hate yourself for that.

Nothing changed between the two of you, if anything you feel a lot closer than before. You or Connie never address that night, as if it never happened, and you were somewhat fine with that. It hurts that your gut feeling of him not having feelings for you was accurate, but that's okay, because you would always still have him by your side even if it was just a close friendship.

"Y/N!" You look behind you and see him coming at you at full speed.

"CONNIE!" You feel a bit of weight being lifted off your shoulders, seeing only one visible injury.

He joins you side by side to defend Mikasa, noticing the number of titan shifters making their way towards you was too much for you to handle.

"Are you okay?" Connie defends you as you briskly check the state of your weapons.

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"Are you okay?" Connie rushes to your side, inspecting the cut on your cheek.

"Yeah, I just have to be more careful with the branches." You wince as you feel his finger graze your injury.

"Well, we're definitely not racing anymore." He looks into your eyes and smiles.

"You're just saying that cause you know I'm better with ODM gear." You giggle and get back up, brushing off the dirt that caught on your equipment.

"You wish!" He blasts off, not giving you a chance to ready up again.

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"MIKASA HURRY!" Your anxiety starts rushing through you, ignoring Connie's question as you notice your blades were on the verge of giving out.

You see her make a quick glance towards you before zooming towards the titan that trapped Armin and quickly slices his jaw open. Before you know it, you see Connie soar in your peripheral vision to the tongue that entangled Armin and slice him free.

"ANNIE!" Connie screams out, making his way back to you and wrapping his arm around your waist.

You feel the tiny butterflies you always get when he's near you and admire his perfections for a second.

"I'm getting us out of here," He assures you as he looks into your eyes, instantly melting all the worry and panic that stirred up inside you.

"O-Okay." You whisper, the wind harshly hitting your face as Connie moves both of you to the top of Eren's titan, getting Falco's attention.

While Falco flies his way towards you, you gaze upon everything that is going on around you. You start feeling overwhelmed again, too much was going on at once. You see Jean and Pieck trying to make their way towards the Founding Titan's head but get trampled by shifters, Annie holding Armin as he recovers, and Levi and Gabi shooting their gun at every titan.

"What is- is happening?" Your voice cracks and you hang your head low with your eyes shut.

"We should've fucking known ever since Eren decided to infiltrate Marley, but it's okay. We're okay." He gives you a weak smile and a slight squeeze on your waist for reassurance.

Falco reaches the both of you and board his back with Levi and Gabi.

"Are you guys okay?" You can slightly hear the concern in Levi's monotone voice.

"Yeah, we're fine," Connie answers, completely disregarding the gash that was dripping blood on his forehead.

"We need to help Jean and Pieck." You chime in, watching them struggle their way to the neck.

"No, we-" Levi cuts himself off when he hears his name being called out by a familiar male voice.

The five of you see a blonde man with only half a body attached to one of the Founding Titan's ribs.

Zeke.

While you see his lips moving, you can't make out what he's saying. He begins waving around his arms, successfully capturing Levi's attention, but in a blink of an eye, he's dead.

Levi decapitated him.

You hear a slight gasp come from Gabi's mouth and immediately see tears start to swell up. You quickly pull her into a hug, rubbing her back as you try to soothe her.

"It's okay, Gabi. We're okay." You whisper in her ear, slightly rocking back and forth.

While you didn't know or care for Zeke much, you know how much Gabi saw him as another father, an uncle.

"I-I need my- my parents." She hiccups into your chest.

You can't imagine what's going through her mind. All of her plans to become a warrior and making her family proud was all gone. You remember what that felt like, thinking throughout your whole life that titans were your enemy and Eren would be the solution for it all, but you couldn't have been more wrong.

"I promise, I'll get them to you." You bury her head into your chest and stay still, forgetting where you are for a second.

You and Gabi share a weird relationship, especially after everything that happened with Sasha, but you were somewhat like the older sibling she never had. You nurture her when things become too overwhelming or when she was worried someone would kill Falco for her doing. It was strange for you at first, caring for someone who you thought was the enemy, but was really just a twelve year old girl who was taught the wrong things, all to be treated as a 'good Eldian'.

"The- The rumbling stopped." You turn to Connie and furrow your eyebrows.

"Wha-"

"He's right, look." Gabi points to the titans that were completely still in place, but the titan shifters were still moving in battle.

Bizarre.

"JEAN! PIECK! GO!" Levi's yell snaps you out of your thoughts, watching him fly back to Falco's titan.

You feel your heart start to pound and chest begin to tighten. This is the moment that would define the rest of your life. If Jean and Pieck weren't successful, then there's nothing left for you. Everything you and the scouts worked for would be done, ruined, over.

"God, let Jean be okay." You hear Connie mumble under his breath.

"He will." You instinctively grab his hand and give him a slight nod.

He nods back and you both turn back and watch Jean soar to the head with the TNT box. You feel him squeeze your hand, becoming more anxious as seconds passed.

"STUPID LITTLE SUICIDAL BLOCKHEAD," Jean screams at the top of his lungs, before setting off the bomb that decapitated the Founding Titan's head.

You keep your eyes on Jean, making sure that nothing is seriously wrong and to your relief, he's unharmed.

"JEAN," Connie cries out, tears streaming down his face from alleviation.

He immediately pulls you in for a hug, causing your face to start heating up. While this wasn't the first time you and Connie hugged, it always makes you feel like it's your first all over again. You wrap your arms around him, savoring this moment for what thankfully feels like an eternity. You feel his body heat radiate against yours, warming you up from the cold winds that coat you.

In the corner of your eye, you see Reiner struggling with the cord that connects with the Founding Titan's head. Wrapping his arms and slamming it to the base of the ribcage, holding it down for as long as possible.

"Shit, it's going back for the head. ARMIN, NOW," Levi commands, stirring Falco to Jean and Pieck.

God you hate what's about to come next. The loud noise, the bright light, the endless destruction that's always created, and the lost lives were things you loathe to witness.

"JEAN! PIECK! ARMIN'S GOING TO BLOW THESE BONES TO PIECES! WE NEED TO GET AWAY QUICK!" Connie reaches his hand out, pulling both of them onto Falco's back as Annie and Mikasa make their way as well.

"But Reiner-" Pieck cuts Jean off.

"The Armored Titan should be able to withstand the Colossal Titan's explosion. And most of all, Reiner's prepared for the consequences."

Her words feel like a stab in the chest to everyone listening. Even though Reiner was a traitor in the beginning of this mess, it doesn't take away the great memories you made with everyone and the thought of maybe losing him too was a lot to take in.

"She's right, Jean. We need to go." You put a hand on his shoulder, trying to give him some type of support as you hope that your words help you too.

"Y-Yeah, of course." He slightly shakes his head as Falco flies away.

While you're hundreds of feet in the air, all of your eyes are glued to the titan shifters, watching Armin's explosion destroy everything in its way, including the monsters that fought you and your friends. Although the sight wasn't pleasant in the slightest, you can't help but notice the pit that you had in your stomach was gone.

"Is this it?" You weakly smile, feelings of ease and nervousness begin to overpower everything else.

You haven't felt this much hope in years. The deaths of your fallen comrades weren't in vain; it meant something now.

"See, I told you we would be okay, y/n." He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, leaning his head against yours.

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"See, I told you we would be okay, y/n." Connie grins as you put on your new Survey Corps jacket.

"Geez, I never thought I would ever see the day." You admire yourself, not knowing that Connie's doing the same thing.

You feel nothing but excitement when the leather hits your skin. All the hours, blood, sweat, and tears you put into your training was all worth it. You can finally be the hero you've always wanted to be.

"Well, here we are." He lightly pats your back and chuckles.

"Yeah, here we are." You hand him his new jacket and admire how great he looks as a new scout.

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"You're always right," You giggle, snaking your arms around his waist and holding him a bit too tightly.

You both bask in each other's presence, enjoying the thought of planning out your new future. As you close your eyes and enjoy the breeze, Connie can't help but adore how perfect you look in his arms. Every time you share a moment like this, he can't help but get flashbacks from that night. He knows how badly he messed up, he should've just straightforwardly said what he always wants to confess to you but he couldn't and he hates himself for that.

He can't recall what number this was for all the times both of your lives were at risk. The times he would forget what his mission was and sought out for you if he lost sight of you. It always takes him back to the same thought, 'You have to tell them before the day comes that you can't.' It's an ongoing battle with his mind and he always comes back to the same conclusion, 'I can't get more attached, not if there's a possibility I could lose them tomorrow.'

But no, this time he feels different, he senses that something's different about this. He suddenly feels queasiness and pulls away from you. 'No, no more hiding it.'

"Is everything okay, Connie?" You feel his body tense up as you give him a concerned look.

"No, it's not, y/n, I've been needing to tell you something, for a while now actually." He scratches the back of his neck and avoids making eye contact.

"What's wrong..?" You trail off, having your mind go a million miles per hour.

"Nothing- Nothing terrible but, y/n-"

"MY PARENTS," Gabi yells out, pointing at the crowd below you.

You and Connie snap out of your conversation, leaning over to the side and see a group of people staring up at Falco.

He lands his titan and Gabi immediately flees into the arms of her parents, Pieck doing the same with her father. You can't help but feel a bit of happiness after all of this, Jean stopped the rumbling, Armin killed off Eren, and all the people you love are safe from this never-ending war.

"We did the right thing, didn't we? I mean with what we did to Eren." You change your focus back to Connie.

"Of course we did, look at the amount of lives we saved, y/n. So, no regrets, right?" He playfully collides his shoulder with yours.

"No regrets." You smile and make your way towards Jean.

Your heart always skips a beat when he says that, you think of it as your own little thing that only you two share. Every time you feel like everything in your life is going wrong, he always reminds you that even if things were to go to shit it would be okay because you have no regrets.

"Can't believe I did that," Jean mumbles, still in a state of shock.

"You did what you had to, Jean." You console him as Connie chimes in.

"Don't bring yourself down, Eren brought this among himself."

You can never forgive Eren for what did over the years. It was apparent from the beginning, but you were to naive and filled with hope to see it. Now, this is different, you lost some of the most important people in your life for his doing. There's no going back from that.

"Y-Yeah, you're right." He brings the two of you in for a group hug, leaving a space in the middle for Sasha.

"She would be proud of us, you know?" You feel a tear run down your cheek as you speak.

Fuck, you miss her so much. All the fun and stupid memories you made with her flash through your mind. All the way back to your first moments meeting her, Connie holding her back from eating all the meat during dinner; to your final moments together, cheering for a successful raid on Liberio.

"She is." Connie corrects you, a smile forms across his face.

"Yeah, she is." Jean starts tearing up, grateful for another day to be alive.

"REINER," Gabi screams, causing the three of you to interrupt your moment and go by the ledge and see something you never thought you would.

You see the centipede that Jean exploded continue to move as if nothing ever affected it. Luckily, Reiner and Armin's titans look unharmed, but you immediately feel the pit in your stomach start to come back.

"See Gabi, he's fine, ever-" Connie gets cut off by another extreme explosion.

You feel nauseous as you see what emerges.

"He-He's alive?" Your voice trembles, all the hope and happiness you just shared obliviates in a second.

Eren's titan.

"No way." Connie gasps, his body starts to shake with fear.

"What do we do now?" Mikasa's voice cracks, wanting everything to come to an end.

You can't believe it. Every fucking time you think that everything will finally work out for you, something always changes. You always end up losing someone, witnessing things that no one should ever be forced to see, and always feel empty in the end.

"We can't let Eren come into contact with the shining thing! Who knows what'll happen!" Gabi tries to pull everyone's focus back into the war and luckily, it works.

"She's right, we have to kill that thing, no matter what." Connie's voice becoming slightly deeper at the end of his sentence.

"Don't you get it? How can we kill a thing that survived Armin's explosion? We need to go for Eren." Levi's command lingers in the air.

"There has to be another way. AGH!" Mikasa starts gasping for air as she starts tightly gripping her head.

Before you could go by Mikasa's side, you notice smoke coming from afar. You don't think much of it, just assuming it was debris from the explosion, but no.

You scan everyone's faces, instantly seeing some of your comrades faces turn into pure terror. This couldn't be what they think it is. This isn't how it's supposed it, how it's supposed to end. It has to be some kind of machine malfunction that's just giving out tons of smoke. It has to be something else than the thing you fear most.

"Isn't this smoke the same thing they did.. at Ragako?" Connie's face becomes overwhelmed with horror and anguish.

"N-No..." You fall to your knees and bury your hands to your face, not being able to come to terms with what's going to happen next.

This is the end.

"Hey, Hey, look at me." Connie's voice never sounding so calm before.

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"Hey, Hey, look at me." Connie wraps his arms around you as tears cascade down your cheeks and soak his shirt.

"Wh- Why her?" You hiccup, feeling your chest begin to tighten and your head spin from hours of crying.

Your best friend's dead.

You can't hug her anymore, tell her any scouts gossip, or scold her when she stole your food. You can't go to her room in the middle of the night and have her comfort you when your nightmares felt too real. She's gone, forever.

"I wish I had an answer for you... shit-" He starts breaking down right in front of you, both of you begin to cry in each other's arms.

You hate this, fucking hate this. You've dealt with the deaths of your squad members and scouts but nothing like the way you feel right now.

You need to escape, you need to get rid of these awful feelings that were eating you up inside, but no matter how much you may want to escape this shithole with the only person you love, you can't.

"B-But we still have each other, right?" Connie's voice trembles, his grip becoming tighter, thinking if he lets go he'll somehow lose you too.

"Always."

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He grabs your chin and leaves your faces just inches apart. All of the yelling and cries drown out as you solely focus on your soulmate.

"No regrets, right?" He wipes your tears away with his thumb.

"No regrets." You barely let a whisper, savoring his embrace one last time.

You feel a hand touch your shoulder and you look up to see Jean, seemingly relaxed.

"So this is how it ends for us." Connie brings Jean into your hug.

"Guess so," Jean replies, acting as if this wasn't the end.

"You know I blame both of you for all this, making me end up with the job of saving humanity." You joke, making the most of your final moment with your best friends.

"Yeah yeah, and take that to your grave." Jean chuckles as he slightly squeezes Connie's shoulder.

Connie glances Jean a confused look, seemingly not aware of the next few seconds. Immediately his eyes widen, finally accepting that this was it for you and him, and he never got to tell you.

"Y/n, there's something I need to tell b-before this is all over. Something I-I should've told you years ago." He speeds up his words, slightly stumbling.

"Yes?" Your heart drops to your stomach and you can't help but wonder if he was going to tell you what you've been waiting for since the day you met him.

"Y/n I-"

a/n : yes, i took some direct quotes from 138 & yes, i switched up dialogue between characters and actions from the book to make more sense with the reader.

#tw: death #aot chapter 138 #aot spoilers #snk spoilers #snk chapter 138 #connie springer x reader #connie springer #aot x gn!reader #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #connie springer x gn! reader #tw: blood #aot x reader

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sckyie · 3 years

Text

song: driver’s license by olivia rodrigo

word count: 2.5k

genre + warnings: angst; swearing, fear of driving, reminiscing in old memories

pronouns used: she/her

a/n: this was orignially supposed to just be an imagine inspired by the song, not apart of the song series but it fits too well to not change oikawa’s song. i also wrote this for @kybabi bc i love her :D n e wayz enjoy :) (part 2)

"So here you're going to turn and he'll make you do a parallel park in the street. You remember how to do that right?" Oikawa asked as he guided you to the next turn. As you turn the steering wheel, you spot a crowded curbside.

"No, can you please please park for me? I hate parallel parking," You pleaded.

"Only because you asked so nicely," He teased.

Ever since you told your best friend that you wanted to learn how to drive, Oikawa never let it go whenever you wanted to hang out. Having you drive him around for practice and giving you tips as you went. He's helped you a ton while you drove around, the only issues you had were parallel parking and merging onto the highway.

"Maybe we should try the highway again," Oikawa said after you two switched seats.

"Are you asking for a death wish?" You joked. "I drive too slow and I'm scare to merge into lanes."

"We can practice on smaller freeways if you want," He asks.

"No," You growled.

It was always a terrifying thing to drive on the highway. You always saw those horrid accidents and feared being in one. Oikawa would always put his hand on your thigh as you merged to calm you down. Just having him be there was enough to get you to get onto the highway. All your fears just faded with him beside you.

Just having this intimate driving lesson with him was enough for you. You grew to fall in love in your best friend. A cliché thing, yet you couldn't say anything. Only you and your girl friends knew about your big crush. It was a funny thing, falling for your childhood best friend. Iwaizumi always joked about you doing so but you never admitted to liking Oikawa. What would that do to your friendship?

Today was the day, it was your test day. The scariest thing you anticipated was finally here. The thing you practiced days on end with Oikawa. The thing that could either make or break you. Today, you'd either come out with your license or you'll be walking home.

The nerves crept up your body like spiders leaving a trail of anxiety webs. You bounced you leg as you waited in the lobby looking out for your driving instructor. As your sweaty palms go to check the time, you notice a text message from Oikawa.

butthead: hey! good luck on your test today!

That's what cooled you down. A simple saying of good fortune will help, right? Sure enough, the test was a breeze, minus the parallel parking as it was the one mistake you got. You happily drove home to tell the news to your parents.

"Have you told Tooru yet?" Your mom asked.

"I'll wait until my actual driver license to prove to him I got it," You smiled.

"You like him don't you?" Your mom gestured to the joy on your face. "I can tell."

"No," You looked away from your mom as she raised her eyebrow. "Okay, maybe but you can't say anything. I'm going to my room now." She chuckled as you dragged you feet to your room.

Two weeks passes and you finally received your license in the mail. You smiled happily down at your new card as you walked outside the school building. You looked up to search for your best friend. Your eyes scanned the courtyard before landing on Iwaizumi. Assuming Oikawa was nearby, you headed towards him.

"Hey Iwa, where's Oiks?" You asked. Iwaizumi raised up his hand and pointed across to the gate. You looked over to find Oikawa talking to Kasumi, a classmate of yours.

"He's asking her to go on a date with him again," Iwaizumi says.

Again? He's done it before?

"Are they dating?" You ask.

"Not yet, Oikawa wants to ask her to be his girlfriend on the date," Iwa explains. "What's that?" He points to your hands as you fiddled with the corner of your driver's license.

"Oh," You said solemnly. "I got my license."

You waved goodbye to your childhood friend before going into he parking lot. Without thinking, you started the car and just began to drive. Out of the school and onto who knows where. Your mind grew blank as you drove.

How could he not mention Kasumi to you? He used to tell you everything but lately he'd been so distant. Maybe that's why he hasn't texted you all week, you thought. Who could blame him for liking Kasumi? She's so pretty and not to mention how smart she is. She's the class representative and she's one of the nicest girls around.

You fell for the one man you shouldn't have. It was too late to even confess how you felt. He was already falling for another while you were left behind. You felt a sharp pain in your chest as you drove by familiar buildings.

The laundromat where you and Oikawa would go to help with the laundry. You both would end up messing around and your parents would have to kick you two out. You and Oikawa would go across the street to the convenience store to buy steamed buns.

He doesn't like you.

The library where you would wait for Oikawa to finish practice so you two could study together. He'd bring you a bottle of tea and some sort of snack to keep you from burning out. Those study dates where you'd stay until the library was closed.

Give up, stop thinking of him.

The ramen restaurant where Oikawa would take you if he won a game. It was a great celebration and you two had made so many memories there. You two had gone there so often, he convinced the owner that you were his girlfriend.

Let him go.

All the feelings you had for him began to ache in your heart as you reminisced in the memories. You gripped tighter on the wheel as you saw an highway exit. "Fuck," You whispered as you merged into the fast lane. Suddenly all those fears you had of driving, just disappeared. You felt this peace as your eyes locked on the long highway. It was like, nothing hurt anymore. Your tensed shoulders relaxed, yet you felt tears roll down your cheeks. You took deep breaths as you drove attempting to stop your tears.

Soon enough, driving on the highway had shifted from a phobia to an escape. Everyday after school, rather than meeting up with Oikawa and Iwaizumi before practice, you'd drive on the highway and on backroads. It was the only thing that kept you sane when you see Kasumi with Oikawa together.

You became accustomed to the fast pace of the highways. Occasionally you'd speed if you felt some type of pain grow in your chest. You'd blast music to drown out any thoughts or feelings you had. You knew Oikawa could never be yours, so why bother crying over him, right? The thought of being around him began to make you uncomfortable. If you kept your distance, you wouldn't get hurt. You wouldn't be considered a distraction.

butthead: hey?

you: what's up?

butthead: it's been a while since i've seen you :( i miss my best friend

you: are you sure you mean to text me or iwa?

butthead: you, y/n i miss hanging with you

butthead: you didn't come to the restaurant after our game

you: i was busy, sorry

butthead: :(

you: i gotta go, ill talk to you later

Oikawa sighed at his phone and looked across the table to Iwaizumi. "Have you talked to Y/n lately?" He asked.

"Yeah, she borrowed gas money from me," Iwa says before slurping his noodles.

"Gas money? She got her license?" Oikawa tilts his head. "How long has it been?"

"A month? You got caught up with Kasumi," Iwaizumi says.

"Hmph," Oikawa huffed as he sipped his drink. He'd been spending so much time with Kasumi that he forgot about you. Or was it, you started to forget about him? He glances at the window behind Iwa and noticed a familiar car parking.

You parked your car across the street of the restaurant next to a convenience store. You quickly got out and went into the store looking for something to drink. As you began to scan the fridge, you heard the door open. "Y/n?" You turned to find Oikawa.

"What are you doing here?" You turned back to grab a soda.

"Iwa came to eat with me since you didn't make it," Oikawa says. "He's still there, did you want to join us?"

"No thanks, I'm kinda busy at the moment," You say dully. Oikawa goes to speak but you had already walked to go pay for your drink. "Later Oikawa."

"Oikawa?" He watched as you left the store and into your car. He follows suit and watched you speed off. Oikawa quickly makes his way back to the restaurant and seats himself disgruntled. "Y/n called me Oikawa..."

"That's your name isn't it?" Iwaizumi raised his eyebrow.

"She always calls me Oiks or Ru, never Oikawa," He says. "Did I do something wrong?"

Iwaizumi shrugged even though he knew the answer well enough. After Oikawa had asked Kasumi to be his girlfriend, your demeanor had changed. Iwa was the first to notice too. Typically, after school you'd see the duo before practice started, yet since you learnt Oikawa had eyes for another, you stopped.

One day, Iwaizumi decided to follow after you when school was over. He trailed behind as you walked to your car door. You pulled open the door handle only for Iwa to shut the door immediately after. You turned to find Iwaizumi with scrunched eyebrows. "What's wrong with you?" He asked. "Why haven't you came by before practice?"

"No reason, I'm just busy," You lied.

"Liar, what's wrong?" He asks yet you remained silent. "I won't tell Shittykawa just tell me why you're being so distant...and also why your eyes are always puffy."

You paused before answering, "I'm just...upset with Oikawa...and Kasumi.."

"Do you..?" Iwaizumi implied. You nod and looked at the ground. "What have you been doing since you found out about them?"

"Driving," You sighed. "Just driving...It's keep me off my mind all week. I bear the fact that he looks so happy with her and not...me. God I'm so stupid."

"Don't say that-" Iwa started but you immediately lashed out.

"It's true! I was too late to confess! And I fell for the one boy I can't have!" You felt tears well up in your eyes. "I can't even drive by certain places without getting upset. I take backroads and I avoid them completely. I hate driving by his house but it's the only way to my own. He just treats me like another fucking fan girl! I'm just so stupid for falling for my best friend." Since that day, Iwaizumi kept to his promise. Not word about your feelings were said to Oikawa.

butthead: hey are you busy right now ?

you: no, what's up?

butthead: can you help me with something?

you: depends

butthead: meet me at the library so i can tell you more :)

You locked you phone and tossed it into your passenger's seat. You looked up to see the light change to green, allowing you to speed into the highway. Your hands rested at the bottom of the wheel as you drove. The slow, lo-fi music surrounded your car as you drove which let you get out of your trapped mind.

It was a crazy thought to think that you and Oikawa were so excited to drive together. Yet now all you want to do is drive alone. You turned up the volume of your music as you merged into your neighborhood. You leaned further back into your seat as you were driving around the suburbs. You glance at the white cars lining one street leading to the library. You scoffed at the sight as a repressed memory resurfaced.

"Why do you like white cars so much?" You chuckled.

"Because they look clean and nice? Sorry I don't like your basic silver car," Oikawa raised his hand to block your face.

"I'm basic? Says the one who wants an automatic," You pretend to throw up to mock him.

"For someone who can't drive yet, you talk big," Oikawa pats your head only to be smacked a few seconds late. Oikawa drapes his arm over you as you walked down the street to the library The entire walk was filled with mocking and talking about the future. "Let me teach you how to drive, that way we could go out together more."

You finally arrived at the library, spotting Oikawa before parking the car. He watches as you easily parallel park and is stunned by how casual you are as you drove. You set out and approach him. Oikawa holds out a snack to you but you politely refuse.

"Let's go inside?" He asks. You shrugged and followed him in. Rather than sitting beside him like usual, you sat across from him. You still had those feelings for him but you couldn't stand sitting next to him. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you anticipated his next words. "I was wondering if you could help me with Kasumi?"

Ouch.

"With what?" You ask.

"I want to give her a gift, right?" He starts. "A gift that goes along with me telling her I love her."

He loves her?

Your heart aches but you decide to move past that. "Isn't it a bit early to say I love you?"

"Well, we were long time friends before we started dating and I feel like it's the right time to, y'know?" Oikawa leans forward on the table. "Can you help me find a gift?"

This feels familiar. Helping him find a gift for a girl that isn't you. It seems like anytime he does have a crush he'd come to you for advice. This is the first time that you didn't want to give into his favors.

"No," You sighed.

"No? Wait why not?" He raised his eyebrows at you.

"Because," Say it. "Because I-"

"Because?" Oikawa tilts his head at your response.

"Because I can't keep doing things like this for you," You stood up and began heading for the entrance. Oikawa followed afterwards as he could see the pain in your voice.

"Y/n, talk to me, we haven't talked in forever. Tell me what's wrong," He says as you exit the library. You ignore his voice and reached for your car door. He grabs your arm but you shove him off.

"Would you just- leave me alone?" You snapped. "I don't want to help you, okay?"

"What did I do?" Oikawa was beyond confused at your response.

"I- You- Ugh! Just go away, I don't want to see you!" Your voice cracked as the suppressed feelings began to rise again.

"Why not!" Oikawa grabbed your arm again, this time you weren't able to break free.

"Because I fucking loved you idiot!" You yelled. Hot tears streamed down your cheeks as you stopped struggling in his hold. Oikawa paused and stared at you in wonder.

"You...loved me?" He asked.

"I still fucking love you! God, I hate you- I just- Let go!" You pulled off him. "I'm leaving. If you try to stop me, I'm never speaking to you again." You wiped your tears as you entered your car. Driving off into the neighborhood, crying at the red lights knowing you could've ruined your whole friendship.

Oikawa watched as you sped off. Those words lingered in his ear as he stared down at his hand where you let go. His mind was lost in thought, how could his best friend love him? Was he that blind that he couldn't see your admiration? "She...loves me?" He thought.

taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @d0llpie @elianetsantana @joy-laufeyson @kac-chowsballs

#haikyuu #haikyu #hq #haikyuu x you #haikyu x you #hq x you #haikyuu oikawa #hq oikawa #oikawa x you #oikawa tooru #oikawa imagine #oikawa angst #hss; sckyie playlist

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