Reflecting on my work in 2022

As this official Hell Of A Year™ draws to a close, I guess it is appropriate to both reflect on what I've been doing this year, as well as do a bit of plugging for work which I am proud of.

So here's a list of some of the videos I made this year, along with some thoughts on their creation and how I feel about them, some self-criticism, some behind-the-scenes, and a little self-congratulation where it is appropriate.

I struggle somewhat with memory and a clear sense of time - to me, time is more of a continuous stream than a series of delineated moments. This is often frustrating - I get lost in it, and when I look back on a list of my work and activities, it is less an experience of "oh yeah, ha ha, that happened" and more of a "wait what do you mean that happened then? And before that other thing? But after that one? What the hell?"

Worst case scenario, it can be kinda distressing, honestly. It feels out of control, anxiety inducing, like I don't have a handle on my life.

... which is an absolutely fantastic tone to strike for a New Year's list of my favourite videos. 2023, woo!

The Boss Designs of Bloodborne Finale (February)

It took me nearly three months after the penultimate episode of the series to finally put this video out. My The Boss Designs Of series is some of the best work I've ever created, at least I think so. It's certainly some of the most creatively fulfilling work I do, and some of the most challenging too.

I try to walk a line between providing a fresh perspective on the games I've played for the series, but not getting contrarian or off-the-wall just for the sake of it. With Bloodborne, I do think I managed some really good critical contributions to the readings of the game, like my reading of the Blood-starved Beast as a self-sacrificing martyr for the beast community of Old Yharnam, which was apparently quite novel, or my crackpot Parasite Theory of Bloodborne's madness.

And I do think I've gotten better and better at editing gameplay footage too, I think I've managed to learn a good balance between joke-edits and continuity and story editing. I always kinda fret on the one hand that the gameplay footage and my live commentary is too boring to stand on its own, and on the other hand that editing in too many jokes and gags would just be obnoxious and tedious to sit through.

The thing Bloodborne nails more than any other horror game I've seen is the sensation of the nightmare. And not just in its visuals or its monster designs or the surface storytelling, but in the push and pull between extremely specific imagery and story beats and complete ambiguity the moment you scratch at the surface. Bloodborne is on the one hand a fairly obvious story about the abuses of organized religion and unethical science, but then underneath that there's also this deep obsession with the violence done to women's bodies specifically, and how that violence spills out and caustically eats into the humanity of everyone who is complicit in it.

And then underneath that there's an exploration of birth trauma, where the Great Ones are parental figures as incomprehensible to the player as parents are to a newborn child, pushing you here and pulling you there and inflicting incomprehensible violations of your bodily autonomy out of apparent sympathy.

And underneath all of that... it's also about how cool it would be to transform into a werewolf, actually. The themes of self-creation and transformation and claiming monsterhood as self-empowerment are incredibly queer and especially apt for trans readings.

It all flows together in this soup of imagery and meaning that I cannot crystalize into a unifying Theory of Bloodborne, no definitive reading, no comprehensive hot take. Which is frustrating when you're trying to create a video essay, but infinitely compelling when trying to think about it.

I don't know that I managed to capture all of that in the The Boss Designs of Bloodborne finale, but I do know that I tried to, and I'm proud of that.

Melina, the Maiden - Boss Designs of Elden Ring #1 (March)

Staying with The Boss Designs of, here's a video about which my feelings have become decidedly mixed. Not because of anything that is in the episode, mind you, but out of a certain disempowered bitterness I've developed about Elden Ring over the course of the year.

I cannot overstate how excited I was for Elden Ring, and how desperately I enjoyed finally getting to play it back in March. It's a brilliant game, an incredibly immersive world, and one which I badly want to return to.

... and then I didn't get to play the game for nine months. It was partly my own mistake - I tried recording an absolute ton of footage for episodes early, playing as much of the game as I could while it was still fresh, hoping to put out a lot of episodes of the series early while the game was fresh and Relevant In The Algorithm™, and also just out of sheer excitement. In so doing, though, I ended up shooting myself in the foot, because as I began to edit episodes together I also found myself feeling more and more distant from the experience of playing.

The pile of footage in front of me, begging to be converted into episodes, became a roadblock of work looming over me, a source of guilt and stress and frustration, that put extra stress on my mind every time I tried to make any other video and which stood between me and getting to play more of the game I have anticipated more than any other for years.

In 2023, I will get back to Elden Ring, I swear to god I will, but in the meantime I am quite happy with how the three episodes I've made of this series so far have turned out.

Also, the new intro song I commissioned from @trewatsonmusic absolutely slaps.

What's the deal with Zeri and Neon (June)

My ambition for the What's the Deal videos has always been to expand them beyond League of Legends (and I have done videos on characters from other things), but being a YouTuber is also my job, and League of Legends is the moneymaking subject on my channel, at least for now.

Not that I resent that. For all that League deserves the criticism it gets, I still insist that it has one of the greatest casts of characters in modern gaming, underserved and ignored though most of them are by Riot Games. There's so much to talk about once you get even a little bit under the surface, and I do feel like I've been doing a better and better job at doing that in the What's the Deal videos over 2022. Zeri, for example, is a fantastic addition to the class warfare dynamics of Piltover and Zaun, especially in her conflict with Renata Glasc and the themes that could be explored through that conflict. And it's not lost of me the extent to which she was a direct response to the xenophobic attacks on Asian-Americans that have surged out of American politics in recent years, either. There is value to proclaiming that someone like Zeri belongs in the worlds of big pop culture institutions like League of Legends, even if (as always) it is the workers at Riot Games making that proclamation, and Riot Games Inc. allowing it because it serves their commercial goals.

I brought in Nickyboi for an assist on this one as well, which is something I want to do more. I want to do more collaboration. First of all because it's nice to offload work to someone else, but also because this job is fundamentally kind of lonely. I'm just a guy in his office making videos 99% of the time, and collaborating with a fellow creator feels like being part of a creative community in a way that solo work and shitposting at each other on Twitter simply doesn't.

And I am proud of the little fanfiction snippets I've started writing in the The Future segments. One of the points of the What's the Deal videos is to communicate to an audience why I'm excited about a character, why I feel like they're worth giving a shit about, and I think those fanfiction segments have done a better job at getting that across than almost all of my character design and animation chatter. Plus, it's nice to flex a bit of creative muscle in that way now and then.

Speaking of which, I still need to write that happier ending for Kai'sa and Taliyah, don't I? I have A Plan™ for that, it's just about finding the time to make it real...

The 15 Most Beautiful Splash Arts in League of Legends (September)

This one is easily the biggest surprise of the year for me. In the latter half of 2022, I took quite a lot of sponsorships - first of all because they were offered (good lord there was a rush of them in August!), but also because I really wanted to save up and pay down debts.

One of the consequences of that was the extreme delay of Elden Ring, but another was that all of a sudden I had to get content out on a very set schedule. Most of my work is done on the steam of Whatever Catches My Creative Attention At The Time, but with a deadline hanging over my head, suddenly I had to find video ideas whether they presented themselves naturally or not.

I feared that a list-video would be a turn-off for my audience, I feared that it would be seen as shallow and tacky, like a 2010s Buzzfeed listicle. I feared that people just wouldn't be interested in the kind of art analysis I like to do, or would find it pretentious to seek meaning in what is - let's be real - commercial artwork meant to promote game cosmetics.

The benefit of a sponsorship is that the video has already made a profit, whether it does well or not, and I thought that in making this video, I was being self-indulgent and "ignoring" the desires of my audience.

Instead, it's one of the best performing videos ever on my channel, and people have cited it as a favorite among my videos quite a number of times.

Which was really... encouraging, honestly. I didn't expect it, but this video really did give me a confidence boost that the things I care about and find interesting do have an audience, even extra-nerdy rambling about League of Legends cosmetics.

Building a Better Soraka (September)

Building a Better is a series title I sometimes regret a little bit, because no matter how much I try to explain in the videos themselves that there is no such thing as a perfect character design and that my revisions and ideas are not meant to be definitive in any way, I always get comments from people accusing me of declaring myself The God of Character Design and sitting in holy judgment over the work I'm critiquing.

To an extent, I guess that's unavoidable on the internet, but... maybe the series title was a bad gamble on that front.

I do stand by, though, that my designs have a reasonable argument that they are improvements over the originals. Arguments that can be interrogated and criticized, but valid, reasonaed arguments, not mere polemics.

Building a Better Soraka was an experiment in creating the series, as instead of working with a single artist to iterate on design improvements, I ended up commissioning more than a half dozen people for artwork and using different renditions to make my argument. It did hurt the coherency of the video a little, I feel, but it did open me up to a much more flexible way to produce videos like it in the future, which I'm happy with.

Plus, I really do like what I came up with here, and I adore the ways that @sabtherobot, @sinizade and @lekyrin executed my ideas and brought their own visions of the character. Soraka is a character who deserves a lot better than the basic design she's stuck with, and whose story can do so much more visually than Riot is willing to allow it to do.

"Not Without You" - the story of Nasus and Renekton (November)

Of all the writing I did this year, this is by far what I am most proud of.

The video itself did not perform very well, nor did I expect it to, but the reactions I saw from the audience on this piece... yeah. That filled a very hungry part of my heart, I'm not gonna lie.

Writing a novel is a life ambition for me, as it is for many people. Actually writing it is a lot more elusive, though, in part because I struggle to feel confidence that my writing would ever hold up to the scrutiny of an audience. I struggle to feel that I would ever be able to connect emotionally with people, that I would be able to make what I feel sensible through writing.

This story proved that I can. Not to a big audience, perhaps, and I certainly don't have any delusions of genius or grandeur. I do not ever expect to be a famous or fêted writer, nor an important one. But... I do feel like with this story, I proved that I can at least be a competent one, which is frankly all I want.

And Nasus and Renekton were grateful subjects, too. Their story is naturally deeply emotional, albeit strangled by Riot's chronic indifference towards their most compelling narratives, and a lot of what I ended up exploring in there did come from a very genuine place in myself. It was nice to touch that part of my soul, and make something out of it, even if it's only silly fanfiction for a silly video game.

I am cautiously optimistic about 2023

Looking back over the videos I made this year, while I have a lot of work that I am proud of, I also see a lot of videos that I think I made less out of a desire to make them and more out of a fear of not making them. Videos that I made because I felt like the audience expected it, because the algorithm demanded it, because rent is always coming due and I am petrified of ever being broke again.

This is normal and natural, it is to some extent just the nature of the creative process under a capitalist market system where your work must always have some sort of price tag. But... I don't want to keep doing it. If I have an ambition for 2023, it is to make more of the videos I want to make, more videos that I only I can make. To give myself a little bit of a break and ease up on the self-recrimination and stress.

I have so many projects I want to get to, and being in my 30s I am becoming more and more conscious that while I (hopefully) have something like twice my current lifetime left to create the things I want, time is a finite resource, and spending it trying to please a website algorithm probably won't do me that much good in the end.

Anyway, some other things I did which I am quite proud of:

Played through God of War: Ragnarök while telling stories about the mythology of my childhood.

Ran around the world of Eorzea, accompanied by some of the funniest, silliest and most generous FFXIV players a man could dream of.

Finished a Pokémon HeartGold Nuzlocke with possibly the most nerve-wracking finish I have ever had to a Pokémon game

Reviewed every single Gen 1 Pokémon

Finished Great Ace Attorney Chronicles 1, probably the let's play with the most voice acting I have ever done. Some of it is even good!

If you've read this far, thank you so much for your time, your attention, your interest and your indulgence. Your 2023 be a good year, and may the tides of history wash gently over us all.

Chara and Classis Sans have an... interesting dynamic. Like, it feels like Chara actually does kinda care about Sans but refuses to admit it and vice versa. Is that intentional?

Yesssss! Chara wants to care about everyone, now that they get this happy ending, but they’ve got a bit of a… grudge against Sans. That’s more than just the frustration of how many times he’s killed them. It was something I was gonna explore a bit more later, but in the interest of getting my thoughts back on track… idk have a look into my Chara Thought Process why not—

In Let’s Try This Again, Chara and Classic get to have a lil moment together. Chara specifically TELLS him part of why they dislike him: “Out of all the monsters I’ve met, you’re the most annoying. You know too much and either don’t say anything about it, as if the issue will just go away, or you rub it in my face.”

They were trying to put out an olive branch, after the whole thing with Red kinda reminded them of their own bio family. But when Sans later followed up with, “Ain’t really a way to fix any of that, maybe. But, then again … it never really happened in the first place, now, did it?” all while smiling almost cheekily, Chara only saw that as more deflecting. Ignoring the problem and pretending it never happened, when it so clearly did. So they left, pissed again.

Chara doesn’t like lying. They’re very straightforward, tell it as it is, no bullshit kinda character in Winged. Keeping everything from everyone, especially those closest to them, is annoying. And it’ll come out eventually, so they’d rather it be on their own terms than from some trauma induced freak out from one of them or, now, one of these stupid alternate people slipping up one day (they’re specifically looking at Ink or Red). I mean, imagine getting a second chance to live with your family, but they’re not allowed to know you’re there? It sucks, they hate it, and Sans was the one to suggest they keep it all a secret. Frisk agreed, albeit a bit reluctantly. Chara didn’t, but they kinda got lumped in cuz it was their only option to stop this constant battle.

They don’t want to hide, they don’t want to pretend all the likely years worth of resets and killing and sparing and emotions and memories and trauma just never happened. And the fact that Sans doesn’t even want to talk about it with them, Frisk and Chara and Flowey, the only people of his world that understand?? (And then have the AUDACITY to be able to go talk about it OPENLY with countless other skeletons this whole damn time when the three of them couldn’t???) They can’t help but hate him for it.

In their mind, he’s holding them back. A happy ending is useless if one of them is still denied true freedom, forever kept on a leash, cuz Sans doesn’t want this perfect peace to shatter. He doesn’t trust his family to not “overreact,” (similarly to what kept him from telling anyone about his wings,) and he doesn’t trust Chara period.

ooh, ask game!! has anybody already sent in #3? :) I'm curious, because you've already covered quite a lot of tropes but maybe there's more you have in mind or would to like to expand more on?

(ask game)

3. Is there any trope/scene you've been wanting to write?

Omg I have so many I would like to write! I'll list a few below.

✧ more oviposition and monster-fucking hehe

✧ very terrifying fuck or die situation in which floyd (or jade) holds a gun to your head while they fuck you. maybe it's loaded with one bullet and they make you play russian roulette for even more trauma-inducing sex.

✧ violent jade and floyd. i know i have written fluffy floyd and soft-ish jade, but i would love to write them brutal, vicious, cruel predators of the sea. predators who kick you in the ribs, spit on you, put out their cigarettes on you, etc etc. just,,,,,,, very dark, disturbed tweels. orz perhaps even a concept in which the twins want to make a snuff film and so they capture you and you have to try with all your might to escape before you're killed on camera.

✧ aliens............. i like aliens a lot. aliens and outer space my beloved!!!

✧ more clinical captivity with idia (especially styx idia)!!!! i'm currently writing a fic with this trope just to feed this really specific craving for styx idia... ;;;

✧ incel riddle........

✧ more overblot writings!!! i feel as if i don't discuss them enough, but there is so much potential.

✧ more angst and unrequited love. perhaps i should even try my hand at writing hanahaki disease.

✧ hypnosis..... (looking directly at jamil).

"WEIRDER THAN USUAL" 🎃🌴💜

Comic coming in 2024. AGE RATING: 15+

The final product will feature themes of abuse, trauma, mental illness, and inappropriate language-- [IE: Swearing]

In the current day and age, somewhere in Florida, never mind where & how long exactly, sits the hidden town of Hollow Heights.

It's not invisible or anything! Just one of those small towns nobody really cares about. People don't really come by unless they're lost tourists with shitty GPS. And there isn't really much to note? It's your standard Florida suburb where everyone knows everyone; full of questionable adults, birds, bugs, casually insane crime, and some pretty cheap-yet-decent houses!

...Oh, yeah. And a magical curse that turns everyone who lives there into MONSTERS!

No one is ever born this way; Pax, Robin, Clinton & Ozzie sure weren't! But despite their looks, all Monsters maintain human brains & minds. And they're actually... pretty normal! 4 outcast teenagers simply doing their best (on a good day) to survive this hell-hole.

No one knows how it started. Most people don't even care anymore. All that everyone around here knows is that that the curse only effects people living in Hollow Heights specifically; and that it's only a matter of time before it gets to YOU.

They've also noticed that Monster forms primarily reflect the individual; they're NOT determined by genetics! In fact, whenever you become a Monster, & develop the powers that come with, there are 3 things the curse seems to always keeps in mind.

Who YOU are.

The things you've gone through.

And how you handled them!

More specifically... they tend to manifest after exposure to trauma.

There is cruelty for all of us. While only 1 in 4 people suffer with a mental illness, I think it is fair to say that everybody faces trauma at least once in their lives. Be it a loss, injury, or being met with somebody who doesn't love you like they should. It is very easy for us to get stuck on these experiences. They can make permanent changes to who we are, to the point where we may not recognize ourselves in the mirror anymore. Scary, ain't it?

And that's it. That's "the curse." It makes for an experience where simply existing begins to feel... Weirder Than Usual. And whether we heal / move on or not is a choice that only we can make, and a process only we can begin.

And while the trauma that induced it never truly goes away, there IS a way to get rid of the curse; and it's not as crazy as you'd think!

You can only heal so much inside of a toxic environment like HH. So the solution is simple: Get out of there. Free yourself & live freely somewhere else; ANYWHERE else! But of course, that's easier said than done. Especially in a world where things like money, power, oppression, and "being a child" still exist.

One of the poor souls trapped here for now is Pax Manalo: a down-on-their-luck martian violinist with strict parents, telekinetic & semi-psychic powers, adorable heart antennae, and a VERY charming & freaky clown boyfriend who swept them off their feet. And for months now, Pax (being the isolated wallflower & hopeless romantic of a 14-year-old that they are) has been certain that Florian Funnyman was THE ONE.

...Until Valentine's Day came around, and Florian puts his girlfriend through the unthinkable. Something so horrible that it broke her heart, changed her life forever, and left Pax wondering if there'd even be a point in ever speaking about it again.

She doesn't want to get in trouble. She doesn't know if she wants HIM to get in trouble. She doesn't even know if anyone will believe her! Especially since Florian & his family have pretty damn high reputations around town. It's a small place, he's only a grade above her, she's friends with his brother, she doesn't have any other good friends--!! and Florian's been keeping a very watchful eye to make sure nobody ever speaks of it.

But as time goes on... Pax realizes that they can't just stay here in Hollow Heights, or dating a guy like him. And that they need help, a support system, to help them through this. And thus, Pax is left no choice but to reach out and connect with the other Monsters around them; and it doesn't take long before she finally meets some kindred spirits along the way.

Kindred spirits who are willing to help keep her safe; Kindred spirits who will support her as she tries to get her life back, learns to better advocate for herself, share their own sorrows with her as well as they face other hardships & all grow together, and stand by her no matter what.

As she finally finds her voice and speaks out about the true monster, and seeks all the justice she can get. 💞

the thing everyone has been asking for (note: literally nobody asked.)..... Ranking The Spooky’s Beasts Based on Spook Factor Based On My Subjective Opinion (under a read more bc this is a mile long + wiki pages will be provided for the convenience of the two people who’ll read this)

Specimens:

Specimen 1: honestly it varies. depending on what pops up And depending on how On Edge I am it can either be a 0/10 or a 10/10

Specimen 2: the choking noises it makes are scary and it’s game over screen is pretty creepy too but. the specimen itself is not too spooky once you get used to it. so, 5/10 

Specimen 3: design is low on the spook factor for me (honestly he. looks kinda cute? maybe I’m just weird) but its movements are Uncomfortably fluid and its speed is nerve-racking + the clicking noises are bone-chilling. 7.5/10

Specimen 4 (Normal Mode): design isn’t really scary on its own and the chase music isn’t scary on its own at all but them combined makes for a pretty spooky chase sequence. 8/10

Specimen 4 (Endless Mode, in the link above): design on its own is horrifying and the chase music on its own is horrifying esp that fucking Ungodly screech at the beginning and them combined on top of how she fucks with your vision makes for a terrible time 10/10

Specimen 5: design doesn’t spook me v much but the noises it makes and how uncannily slow it moves and how it fucks up the interface is pretty creepy, plus its apparent ties to a cult is too 8.5/10

Specimen 6: annoying as a chaser but disturbing backstory, fucked up game over screen, design is based on the Happy Mask Salesman aka is creepy as fuck 9/10

Specimen 7: this is kinda a difficult one but.. the design and chase itself doesn’t really scare me but the fact that it most likely symbolizes mental illness and trauma makes it disturbing so 8.5/10 

Specimen 8: every single thing about Deer Lord terrifies me and I have legitimately had several real nightmares about this thing. 10/10

Specimen 9: still Barely have an opinion on this guy but the way it Comes At You out of nowhere if you don’t move is a decent jumpscare and how little we know about it other than the fact that it Might be a victim of the Imperial Japanese Unit 731 experiments (which were. Let’s Just Say, Very Not Pretty) is disturbing 7.5/10  

Specimen 10: hate the chase but its design and animations are gross and creepy and the chase music is creepy as well (like.. Calming/y creepy which is a trope that hits with me) and the Grand Entrance it makes is fucked up. 8.5/10

Specimen 11: design is kinda low on the Spook Scale but chase music is ominious the noises it makes are scary and the Demonic Cow Pictures it flashes before your eyes are p creepy. 8/10

Specimen 12: to keep it short: makes up one of The most tense and scariest pasts of the entire game imo 10/10

Specimen 13: Game Over screen is p creepy and the fact that it eats whales from the inside is terrifying/fucked up but aside from those everything else about it is Very tame compared to the other specimens and I never really felt anxious during its chase plus it’s more pretty than scary imo 4/10

Unknown Specimens:

Unknown Specimen 1/WHITEFACE: was creepy in IMSCARED, Is creepy here. nowhere near creepy as it was when I was younger but still creepy 7/10

Unknown Specimen 2/Otto the Otter: so I know this one is a joke character and was designed specifically to be Not Scary and its design and chase really aren’t particularly scary and I’m not going to treat like like a serious monster but imo its deep laugh and Glowing Dead Eyes are actually genuinely creepy imo plus its activation music also creeped me out and I really wish it was the chase music. so overall 5.5/10

Unknown Specimen 3/Spooper: on top of the fact that it makes you puke up blood and dead fetuses its chase is probably the most adrenalin inducing chases in the game and plus the music is creepy and the way that he just Slowly turns towards you is creepy too. 9/10

Unkown Specimen 4/Tirsiak: intentionally not very creepy designwise since the dev admitted to being tired of designing creepy characters when working on her but the chase theme is ominous (but also a bop.) and the game over screen where her animals eat you alive and leave behind a pile of gore is fucked up. 7/10

Unknown Specimen 5/Lisa: We All Know How I Feel About This Chase But I’m Judging Her On Spook Factor And Not How Fun Her Chase Is So. imo the build-up to her chase with the threatening notes and increasingly creepy music is Very well-done and her design and animations are pretty disturbing + her chase theme with her wailing in the BG while nothing groundbreaking Is pretty creepy plus her game over screen (which believe me I have seen A Lot) is fucking nasty. so.... 9/10; You Win This Round, Lisa

Hospital DLC Monsters (mostly based on their Endless Mode behavior if they are in Endless Mode): 

Monster 1/Security Guard: pretty much not a threat due to how Incredibly slow he walks but the way he just hobbles around aimlessly in the dark with his Giant Club Hands is hella unnerving 8/10

Monster 2/Body Bag: in general not all that scary to me but the Lead Up to it is well-done and creepy so 6/10

Monster 3/Baby Face: looks MAD gross and the noises it makes sound like a baby choking which freaks me out and the fact that there’s no chase music and that you really only know it’s there when you see it slowly hovering towards you is spooky 8/10

Monster 4/The Hanged Man: don’t care for the chase but design is creepy, music is creepy w/ how it starts with a Feral Roar, the fact that it rapidly teleports after you and doesn’t move an inch is creepy, and the implication that he ate his family and then hung himself in a mental hospital is really fucked up. 8.5/10

Monster 5/Ghost Cow: this thing legitimately scared the absolute Fuck out of me when I first encountered it in the DLC while turning a corner and its design is just. 10/10

Monster 6/Bekka: so in the DLC the way she appears as a tiny beam of light at the end of an endless hallway and just fuckin DARTS at you from the darkness and instakills you when you get close enough is startling enough for a 9/10 but in Endless Mode Bekka is. really nothing special spookwise imo + her mechanic is just plain annoying as shit 4/10

Dollhouse DLC Monsters (See Above.)

Husks: the fact that it’s implied that child souls are locked in them is disturbing and they Are startling when you first spot them hobbling towards you but once you know how to deal with them they become more of an annoyance than anything. 6.5/10

Woormy Charles: incredibly fucked up design, the implication that the child spirit in it is suffering immensely, the fact that he Game Over screen has it ripping you in half via stretching, and all on top of how it literally runs straight at you at 500 MPH? 9.5/10

The Clown: the fact that it Doesn’t actually do anything to you makes it less scary than if it Did do something to you but the fact that it just silently follows you when you aren’t looking is.... Very Creepy To Say The Least and I can definitely see why the child spirits didn’t like it. 8.5/10

Hooked Doll: not Too high on the Spook scale appearance-wise but moves Unnervingly fluidly/fast and its chase in the DLC is anxiety-inducing. 8/10 

Frenzy: Long Story Short: Is Why I Literally Always Keep The Doll Happy At All Times And Why The Moments I Don’t Have The Doll Are Some Of The Most Paranoia-Inducing Moments In Video Game History. 10/10

Miscellaneous (All on this page)

Class Shadows: definitely adds to the ominous atmosphere of the class segment but aside from that there’s really not much else to say 6/10

Violent Deer: Deer Lowkey Terrify Me And Carnivorous Man-Eating Deer Highkey Terrify Me 9/10

Howard: makes for an effective jumpscare the first few times you encounter him (which I’d give an 8/10) but the initial shock eventually wears off after a while. plus I hate the room he appears in so as a whole 5/10

W.A.M: I.... really have no comment or thoughts about this thing and Idk what to rate it I’m sorry

Carl: Design Is Pretty Creepy and overall makes for a good optional spook 8/10

The Virus: No Comment Or Thoughts Here Either

Scare Chair: doesn’t seem like much at first but will induce creepy effects when you sit in it. esp the Weird Faces 7.5/10

The Brain: Once Again, Nothing. Moving On

Nightmares: their designs + how quickly they move are pretty disturbing as is the fact that they represent someone’s PTSD that lead to Spooky being killed 8/10

Clicky: so the first time I played the Dollhouse DLC and I walked into a room and heard a clicking noise while I walked and I had No idea what it was and thought it was just the floor but when I watched an analysis video about the Dollhouse I found out that it was a dead-eyed doll crawling on the ceiling and staring down at me and I didn’t even know and that’s fucked me up ever since. 9/10

and that’s about everyone I think!!

Ok. So I guess The Winchesters is supposed to be the original, organic, Good Timeline ("the True story of how John and Mary fell in love") while all of SPN happens in a split-off, artificial, way grittier Bad Timeline that lead to what Dean sees in 4x03 In The Beginning and which was very likely created by Chuck through time-travel and/or mind-wipes and a Cupid (can they time-travel and mind-wipe? If not, Seraph partnered with Cupid. Actually, just to do that anyway for the lulz) because the first timeline had an upper limit on how much John could possibly mess up his sons if he never had to wonder what creature had killed his wife or work hard to find any info on monsters.

TW!John made hunter buddies and apparently knew about his dad and the Men of Letters. TW!Mary would have told John about the demon deal with Azazel because why wouldn't she? They could have researched the enemy together and gained a fighting chance before those ten years were up . At least one of them could have marked their calendar to not fucking forget the date, too. And even if Mary still died - or John did - neither one would go paranoid over it because hunters being killed by demons is just what happens. That blood ritual and fire otoh? That's weird shit, but at least if you are a hunter/MOL you know where to start your research. You know people who can help you and how to check they aren't demons or shifters or ghouls.

TW!John and Mary got to meet in a totally different genre of show than the one SPN is generally set in. I mean, look at it! It's a peppy teenage RomCom with some mystery and horror elements so the (in-universe) audience can pretend they are in it for those rather than the relationships dynamics... which look rather wholesome, at least going by the trailer. Everyone seems supportive and honest with one another. Even the violence looks cartoonish what with the yeeted demon and the holy water pistol. Nothing gritty or bloody. The special effects look outdated and cheap, but in a deliberate Ghostfacers Effect kinda way because the story takes place in 1972. The orange-ness of everything always feels like an in-joke about the lighting analysts in fandom.

Anyway, I expect the tragedy of this timeline to be that John and Mary didn't get to be the versions of themselves that they first fell in non-Cupid-induced love with, and instead were forced to become the versions of themselves that would later produce Sam and Dean('s childhood trauma).

And if I wanted to go for a real gut-punch, I'd make Castiel that angel who had orders to mess with John and Mary's timeline. Orders that he'd only understand the impact of... well, in several stages throughout the show, though most accutely in S4 (especially E03).

It would explain why Cas became so protective of Dean and fought for him even though he... should have felt zero obligation to do that, and definitely not so early on, if there was no specific reason for it (no, "gay" is not a valid reason for a heel-face-turn of this size). Cause usually that only happens with people he had harmed or thought he had failed in some way (Jimmy, Claire, Sam, Dean, Meg, post-fall angels, post-Leviathan humanity, Kelly, Jack.... Not Crowley though lol). It would also explain why he never seems angry about the brothers' childhood anecdotes, only sad. I'd be diplomatic and stick with "your father was a complicated man", too, if I felt partly responsible for 'complicating' him and inadvertently made my friends' - and especially Dean's - lives way worse.

Though don't ask me who the hell is supposed to play Cas' vessel. How about Misha playing Cas walking around in Jimmy Novak's dad and wearing the worst possible 70s outfit?

Why c!Dream should (and probably will be) redeemed

Hi! I’m bad with intros. You’ve read the title, so, let’s start with the definitions.

In this essay, we are considering the popularized definition of “redemption” instead of the classical one, which is, as per the Oxford Dictionary, “the act of saving or state of being saved from the power of evil; the act of redeeming.” That’s not however the way the word is used in fandom and media.

/dsmp /rp

The definition of redemption I’ll be working with in this essay is not forgiveness by the people who c!Dream has hurt, nor is it removing himself entirely from his past actions, but moreso the decision to change for the better and abandon destructive mindsets for himself and others.

A “redemption” in a narrative sense would be circumstances and a character arc that would allow that kind of healing and betterment.

I’d like to start this off by the fact that being “irredeemable”, in this sense, also doesn’t exist; redemption is a thing of conditions and choice, not of being allowed by someone else. You can’t gatekeep healing from people who seek it, just to be clear, and that even goes for people who have done terrible things.

Since I understand there is a lot of concern for c!Dream’s past actions, here is a post from people who are much more fit than me to speak on the matter, about the way in which they see a possible c!Dream redemption arc.

Another disclaimer, I am not going to be considering c!Dream only from the perspective of c!Tommy in this essay. c!Dream appears in other people’s perspectives and he himself has his own, unseen perspective. As a character, he is an individual person in his own right rather than just the antagonist of c!Tommy’s story, and so I do not have much concern for their narratives intertwining too much should this writing choice occur.

I’d also like to note that redemption is, in this sense, always a positive thing for everyone involved - someone who’s been prone to doing bad things in the past deciding not to do them anymore and try to change, or just simply heal enough to consider it, isn’t going to have a long-term negative effect in any of the characters, but rather the other way around. Healing is an unlimited resource, and the victims do not have to heal first for the person who hurt them to consider being better.

Here’s a well-written thread on Twitter that elaborates a bit to finish off this point, and let’s move on to actually talking about redemption in the context of the Dream SMP, and c!Dream specifically.

Why a c!Dream redemption arc is not only a good writing choice, but in this case the only good writing choice;

c!Dream, as we all know, has been subject to mental and physical abuse to the point of straight up torture by both c!Sam and c!Quackity (to different extents). He has been in indescribable amounts of suffering for the past 74 days at the time this essay will be published. That is six and something times the duration of the entire exile arc in canon.

Whatever the interpretation of his words in prison is, what is undeniable is first of all the fact his mental stability is absolutely crushed at this point, second that no human being could possibly ever deserve to undergo this, and third, his stay in the prison is showing off his humanity and making him out to be sympathetic.

Now, consider this; how would it feel if c!Tommy died at the end of the exile arc? Empty, there would be no catharsis to such an end, especially because of all of the hurt he’d gone through. Objectively, a bad writing choice.

Let’s compare, narratively of course, this situation to the prison arc. Even though I would never say one of them is “better” or “worse” than the other, since both are terrible and undeserved, c!Dream’s current state checks off all of the boxes that would make his death unsatisfying in the storyline; even if people want him gone, there would still be the dissatisfaction at the current build-up and why they even did it in the first place (it really wasn’t necessary to anyone else’s story to make him out as a victim, and yet they did) if they were planning to kill him off anyways. And since the prison arc is naturally meant to induce sympathy, even from an angst perspective it would simply not make sense within the themes and writing of the plot.

So, c!Dream can’t die, and he also can’t stay in the prison forever - the build-up must lead to something, which is logically a breakout. Great… what now?

Well, the Dream SMP prides itself in accurate representation of trauma and mental instability, specifically cc!Tommy and cc!Dream who have pulled it off incredibly during the exile arc.

Now, undoubtedly, after the prison, c!Dream is going to be just terribly traumatized- considering the writers’ past creative decisions, would it make sense for him to play the role of a dangerous, heartless villain in other people’s stories, while completely ignoring the logical fallout of what he’s been through?

In my mind, no. The most possible result is that cc!Dream is going to rightfully portray someone who’s been hurt so much he is broken, scared and tortured into submissions over months of agony and slowly stripping away of his agency, his dignity, his humanity. And that is… not going to be pretty, nor is he going to be in any way the same as before.

After everything, I’d be surprised if he can properly look at shears without shaking. That’s not villain behaviour, that’s the behaviour of someone who needs help.

Which leads me to another point, which is relatability. Believe me or not, there are people out there who heavily relate to c!Dream because they have been through things that allow them to see themselves in the character - abandonment, mental illness, etc. - or who have had destructive mindsets they have struggled to let go of in the past.

To them, as well as to the viewer, redeeming c!Dream could actually be a very good example, showcasing that anyone who has done bad things or has been hurt in the past can learn that it is possible to be better, to move on, to not be stuck in a loop but to actively seek help and then use that support to find the path to healing.

Making c!Dream a better person, who in a way, wins over his past, over his trauma, over the hurt he’s caused, and manages to actually get better… is inspiring, in a sense. It shows that you can abandon unhealthy mindsets, you can find a support group of people who care about you, you can make your life better simply by deciding to be better and then sticking to that, no matter how difficult the process.

This is why I believe that redeeming c!Dream would not be bad writing, but quite the opposite, and that the prison arc is an obvious set-up. Alright, but how does that work with the character? How could someone so widely hated mentally improve in such a seemingly violent and terrible environment? Would it even make sense within the context of c!Dream’s character so far? Well,

Why c!Dream has the capacity for healing and the Dream SMP the ability to provide it;

First of all, let’s remind ourselves that through c!Dream’s entire spiral he wasn’t ever directly given a chance to change. He was regarded as someone to defeat in order to accomplish a happy ending, or as someone who needed to be removed in order to achieve power on the SMP. Ever since the 16th, which is when the corruption of the character is the most obvious, there have been no attempts to reach out or to help him. I do not blame the characters for this - I am simply pointing out that since it has never happened before, we do not know how he would respond, and that, after everything he’s been through, any bit of kindness or compassion towards him will be a new concept he will have to learn to deal with somehow.

This point is especially driven home by the fact that both c!Quackity and c!Sam would often tell him he is a monster who deserves nothing but to suffer, and that what he’s going through is never going to amount to all the hurt he’s caused - basically removing any possibility for ever getting better (because by this logic, he doesn’t deserve support, and he doesn’t deserve to get better) from his line of sight.

He also hasn’t had a support system since shortly after the 16th, when his friends left him over c!George’s dethronement and made no effort to mend their relationship afterwards. c!Dream isn’t used to having allies and people on his side, but to being hated; again, wouldn’t that mean positive reinforcement could very well be all he needs to make the choice?

His bad mindsets - attachments are weakness, ends always justify the means, people will consider you a bad person no matter what you do - have been continuously proven right by his environment, even in prison. Any kind of subversion, plus an explanation as to why they are wrong, could be of great help to c!Dream.

Just another disclaimer; I do not believe c!Dream would change thanks to the treatment in prison, but rather despite it. His mental stability is non-existent at that point, and in order to get better he needs genuine emotional support from the people around him as well as to heal before he can redeem himself.

Alright, but… c!Dream has hurt a lot of people. Who would be fit to help him?

Let’s start off with the worst option and why it’s impossible the writers would even attempt this; c!Tommy.

c!Tommy has no responsibility to help or ever forgive c!Dream - not to say he could. The two, as it is, would drag each other down instead of helping in any capacity, and only make matters worse. The two of them shouldn’t even interact in the best case scenario - the best thing for both of them would be if they got enough healing and support individually that they could live around each other and not get their trauma or toxic habits triggered when interacting for whatever purpose of the plot.

So, if not c!Tommy (and c!Tubbo neither by extension), who could redeem c!Dream?

Well, he can’t do it on his own for sure. Being in nature with animals is nice, but further isolation from other people would merely help with the prison trauma, not with the state of his tendencies when interacting with others. He, once again, needs positive reinforcement from other people for him to heal properly.

There are two main options for this in my mind, and then there’s a few individuals he could also find comfort in, including people from both groups or those unaligned.

1) Kinoko Kingdom

From the people of this new country, c!Dream has never negatively interacted with c!Karl before, he has never hurt c!George and he hasn’t directly harmed c!Sapnap. Although the relationship with his old friend group could be difficult to rekindle, none of them have grudges against him that are too personal, and they have been canonically close friends since the beginning of the SMP, so it would be very much possible to rebuild burnt bridges. They’d be familiar, and with the addition of c!Karl they could be a good source of comfort for c!Dream after he either breaks out or is released from prison - just gotta convince c!Sapnap not to kill him first.

2) The Syndicate

From the Syndicate, c!Dream has never directly interacted with c!Nikki, and from what I know of her character she never seemed to be very affected by his actions - even doing his work for him when he was planning to burn down the L’Mantree. c!Techno is an ally who doesn’t have anything against him, and as for c!Ranboo, here is why I believe c!Dream being in the Syndicate could be positively influential on his character arc as well;

c!Ranboo and c!Philza have had a conversation about change, during which c!Ranboo made it clear he thinks everyone can change except for c!Dream; who, in his mind, is “too deep down the rabbit hole”. c!Philza replied that he thinks anyone can change if given enough time.

… you see what I’m getting at?

c!Dream has been implied to be an ally to c!Ranboo’s enderwalk state (or the state when he has access to his full memory), and hence would most likely not behave negatively towards him at all. While it might make it more difficult for c!Ranboo to deal with his own issues, it might also give him more motivation to get to the bottom of it as well, especially since he now has access to the person who, presumably, started this all. While this is going on, c!Dream would show himself in a much different light than c!Ranboo sees himin, which could lead to confusion, realization of the flaws in his own logic, and hence, positive character development.

Here’s a great post about why c!Techno as a character could be a great asset in c!Dream’s healing process & redemption, and why there is not much need to worry about him not knowing or finding out about c!Dream’s actions.

Of Kinoko Kingdom and the Syndicate, as far as I know, neither c!Tommy nor c!Tubbo have ever been directly involved with these groups, nor are they planning to.

Another important point to make is that, while c!Tommy needs to be kept away from c!Dream in order to heal properly, the same goes for c!Quackity and c!Sam in c!Dream’s case. While c!Quackity has high chances to interact with either Kinoko Kingdom or the Syndicate in the future, there’s an even higher chance, in that situation, that c!Dream would be offered protection, which is also important; there is no healing from trauma without the knowledge of safety, to some degree.

So, this was an essay as to why I think c!Dream’s recovery and redemption (one needs to come before the other, naturally) is not only extremely possible but also could be pulled off well and have a positive impact on both the characters, and the audience.

Also i think the reason why the wonder killers look the way they do is because of the perception of them. People’s perceptions of traumatic events are always warped, some more than others. That’s the reason why some of these wonder killer designs are so wacky. In the beginning of the series, the Acca’s explain that the wonder killers take the place of the girls traumas (or ultimate reasons for why they committed suicide). So far each of the wonder killers have been fairly straightforward (overbearing coach, molester, stalker) but their designs have been really over the top all with the exception of one. 

Put under a read more bc it’s kinda long as i talk about each girls wonder killer/analyze them below the cut!

I think the fantastical over the top elements of the wonder killers is the way the girls bury and perceive their traumas. I’m gonna get a bit lengthy here, but hear me out. Minami’s wonder killer was her coach, however; Minami was very much in denial that her coach was ever bad/in the wrong. She is always apologizing to the coach. The ultimate reason she died was because of the verbal, mental, and even physical abuse she suffered from her coach constantly obsessing over and controlling every aspect of her life. That’s what it looks like from the outside, however; Minami never specifically acknowledged that the coach’s actions were abuse. She always deferred it onto a specific failing she did onto her self (her body changes because of puberty, and instead of accepting it she internalizes it as her fault because her coach said so). This perception of her coach is warped, and so is the coach’s form as her killer. 

This can be said for all the girl’s too. Their wonder killers and the traumatic events that killed them are understood, but not explicitly interacted with. 

Miwa’s killer is her molester, and that makes sense. It’s straightforward that her killer is the man who induced trauma onto her, however; if that’s the case how come in the train car, she tells Momoe that more of her guilt and warped thinking were words echoed to her by her mother? What drove Miwa to suicide wasn’t just her molester (like she initially thought) it was the lack of support she received from her family when she took the initiative to come forward about it. It’s the lack of support from her mother, someone that blamed her and side stepped her feelings (when confronting her wonder killer she was echoing words/reasoning said by her mother). Miwa blames her molester for her suicide and her family’s downfall, but she’s isn’t acknowledging the entire truth behind the incident she suffered from. 

It’s why Mako and Miko’s wonder killer is such an abstract monster with every other superpower under the sun. Their wonder kill isn’t from their own trauma, it’s how they perceived Yuyu felt from their stalker. They don’t know Yuyu personally, they don’t know how they felt before committing suicide, they have a wonder killer that they based on their perception of what it was that killed Yuyu/them. It might also be why the wonder kill stopped attacking them and started dancing to Yuyu’s song. Mako wholeheartedly believes that no fan of Yuyu would incite violence in Yuyu’s presence, and that’s why the monster/wonder killer stopped what they were doing and did exactly that. The killer acts on how the girls understand them to act, because they stem from the girl’s own understanding of their trauma.

Yae’s wonder killer is oddly abstract because she’s the only one that can see her. Yae mentions her friends abandoning her (which might be why the monster wears a school uniform) but ultimately her trauma stems from an extremely warped source and unexplainable perception of what killed her. Ayaka’s wonder killer is the same, I’m guessing he’s an abusive cult/religious leader that took in runaway kids, however she doesn’t see him as a creepy dude. Look at her body language as he confronts her and speaks to her about people loving her. She has moments where she acknowledges him as a loser and fights back, but ultimately she thinks he holds some power over her (which is why he’s in an inflated ego suit). 

And now I know you’re thinking about Kurumi and Aoi. The two girls with the most realistic of the two wonder killers. 

I’ll start with Aoi, who at first glance has a mystical wonder killer. But as the fight continues it’s revealed that the wonder killer, is Aoi herself (her own hair, her own beauty). Aoi’s wonder killer is a mix of the realistic and the fantastical because of two things 1) Aoi says she killed herself due to the society’s unrealistic beauty standards and her inability to stay beautiful, as she’s reached the peak of her youth (which is the fantastical) and 2) Aoi understands that the reason she took her life is because of her own vanity (the reality/realistic). She blames herself for dying due to this desire of hers to be forever beautiful, to die at her prime before she becomes obsessed with her looks/youth like her mother. Her hair, a symbol of her pride, is what she knows kills her, and that’s why it takes the form of her wonder killer. It’s why she cries when Neiru tells her that no one can call her pretty anymore. She’s partly able to acknowledges the truth of what killed her and she that died for such a silly reason. Still her perception is warped because her philosophy of beauty is so deeply ingrained into her psyche. 

And Kurumi. Well Kurumi’s wonder killer is so realistic because Kurumi is able to accurately acknowledge what caused her trauma and suicide. She mentions her friend group turning their back on her, throwing words like knives at her behind her back. She mentions her friends being superficial, which is why the wonder killer is a female student with a blurred out face (signifying that she doesn’t even know who the person hurting her even is, either because she doesn’t know them deeply or because it was multiple different people doing it). Not even that, but while Kurumi has one wonder killer, the killer also took form of multiple other girls (the ones writing die on the locker). Kurumi is one of the only girls whose perception of her trauma is fully acknowledged for what it is. A bunch of high school girls that don’t even know her, that continue to harass her and hurt her with sharp words and insults. 

I’m not saying Kurumi is better than the other girls are identifying what’s wrong. All the girls are right in what killed them. I just think Kurumi has a better understanding of what happened to her and how she really felt. She seems to be really reflective of what happened to her and even gives Ai advice. Kurumi is affected by her trauma, but she’s able to clearly label what caused it. 

Miwa is able to talk about her trauma, but unlike Kurumi, she refuses to interact with it at a deeper level. She never acknowledges how what her mom says upsets her, she only echoes what is said. If she were still alive, it might take her years of therapy to understand how she really felt and how the molestation (which was more of a trigger event) affected her. I feel like a lot of the girls in the show are able to acknowledge, “this is why I died” but they have yet to reflect on how it made them feel and how it might be different from the reality of the situation.

That being said, we could also argue that the wonder killers take on the form of people that have motives that can be clearly understood or imagined. The motives of a malicious clique of teenage girls is easier to imagine and deal with than the warped love of a coach you view as a parental figure. It’s something tangible you can believe unlike a serial molester in a position of power over you and your family. You can understand young girls being jealous over a boy, but you can never understand a saesang fan-like stalker. It’s an easier motive to digest and understand than these societal problems that very much do kill young girls today, which may be why the easier the trauma is to digest from an outsider perspective, the clearer its design is. But that may be another theory for another day, as we see more wonder killers in the coming episodes. 

TDLR; Part of the reason why i think the wonder kills have such odd design choices is because they’re a reflection of how the girls interpret, perceive, and acknowledge their trauma. The better equipped the girls are at understanding and or labelling their trauma, the more realistic their wonder killers are. The more warped the perception of their trauma is, the more fantastical, unrealistic, monstrous their wonder killers become. 

Sparktober Bingo 2021!

Back for a new generation: Sparktober Bingo!

Instead of coming up with an Atlantis-specific list of prompts, I compiled a bunch of 2021 -tober prompt lists into one google doc here. (Links to original prompt lists are on the google doc.) Add in a list of Atlantis episodes and...

How to play:

Choose a “flavor” from the prompt sets below the cut, then paste it into this fandom bingo card generator.

Adjust your browser size til it looks right and take a screenshot, or use the html script if you’re familiar with using html on tumblr. Tag @sparktober​ if you want us to reblog it so everyone knows you’re playing!

  Sparktober Bingo Rules:

Complete a row/column, corners, or a blackout of your card by November 1, or not! Update as you go.

All fan-works are allowed: art, edits, fic, meta... bonus points to anyone who picks the “sprinkles” flavor and goes full mid-aughts by filling their bingo cards with 100x100 pixel icons.

You are allowed to pull multiple cards until you get one that inspires you, and you can also go through the prompt list of your choice in advance to pull out squicks or things you absolutely won’t write. I recommend not googling unfamiliar words from your work computer.

Use the prompts liberally! Episode titles can be treated as the episode or as generic prompts (e.g. “Epiphany” can be for an episode-related fic or a prompt for an epiphany of your choice).

  Flavor descriptions:

VANILLA: Gen prompt lists from Fictober, Inktober, Trektober Gen, and Trektober Trek.

CHOCOLATE: Zesty prompt lists from Trektober NSFW, Kinktober, and Whumptober. The multiple-prompts-per-day from Kinktober and Whumptober have been broken into individual prompts.

CANDY CORN: Fall / holiday themed prompts from TUA-tober.

SPRINKLES: Atlantis episode list (in order, in case you only want to copy certain seasons), along with characters and a few Atlantis-specific prompts.

TWIST: All of the above! (You can also manually mix and match different flavors, of course.)

Text blocks to copy into the bingo card generator are below the cut. Enjoy!!

VANILLA

“I need you.”; “You have no proof.”; “I’ve waited for this.”; “Fine, I give up.”; “I’m not saying I told you so…”; “Didn’t we already have this conversation?”; “That could have gone better.”; “This is it, isn’t it?”; “There’s no right side to this.”; “It’s so quiet.”; “I swear, it’s not always like this.”; “You keep me safe.”; “The things you make me do…”; “Your information was wrong.”; “I like that in you.”; “Not this again.”; “I’m with you, you know that.”; “This was not part of the plan.”; “I feel strange.”; “That’s what I’m known for.”; “What did I say?”; “No promises.”; “This time, do what I say.”; “Is this supposed to impress me?”; “Do you know what time it is?”; “I’m sure this has never worked, ever.”; “You could have died!”; “I don’t have to explain myself.”; “Why are we whispering?”; “Don’t ruin this.”; “Take me with you.”; Crystal; Suit; Vessel; Knot; Raven; Spirit; Fan; Watch; Pressure; Pick; Sour; Stuck; Roof; Tick; Helmet; Compass; Collide; Moon; Loop; Sprout; Fuzzy; Open; Leak; Extinct; Splat; Connect; Spark; Crispy; Patch; Slither; Risk; Meet-Cute; Amnesia; Age Difference; Pining; Sick Fic; Fake Relationship; Accidental Meeting; Epistolary; Secret Identity; Historical AU; Nightmares; Monster Hunter; Reunion; Soulmates; At Pride; Angst; Seasons; Fix-It; Coffee Shop; Movie Plot AU; Kid Fic; Actor's Other Crossover Work; OT+; Getting Together; Only One Bed; Pirates; Making Up; Forbidden Relationship; Tattoos; Halloween; Prime Directive; Lower Decks / Background Characters; Away Mission; Ship's Bar; Aliens Made Them Do It; Observation Deck; Crew with Family; Holodeck; Science Crew; Character Survives; Headcanons; Diplomacy; Decontamination; Trek Crossover; Replicator; Worldbuilding; Redshirts; Sex / Love Potion; Medical Crew; Transporters; Medbay; Interspecies Relationship; Mirrorverse; Uniforms; Mutiny; Stranded on a Planet; Rec Room; Academy Era; Second Contact; Command Crew; Off-Duty

  CHOCOLATE

A/B/O; Soft; Anonymous Sex; Penetration with Object/s; Sleeping; Intercrural Sex; Restraints; In/Under Water; Group Sex; First Time; Possessive Behavior; Dry Humping / Grinding; Overstimulation; Roleplay; Rimming; Stretching / Fisting; Power Imbalance; Food Play; Fingering; Body Worship; Sex Work; Voyeurism / Exhibitionism; Safewords; Technology; Oral Sex; Omorashi / Wetting; Crying; Underwear / Lingerie; Friends with Benefits; Pain Kink; Dirty Talk; Trick or Treat; All trussed up and nowhere to go; Talking is overrated; Sticks and stones may break my bones...; Trust fall; I've got red in my ledger; Touch and go; My spidey-sense is tingling; Coughing up a lung; Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated; Oops, I did it again; Just keep swimming; It'll be fun, they said; That's gonna leave a mark; Under pressure; Feed a cold, starve a fever; On a need-to-know basis; Field care 101; The doctor is in; Just a scratch; Lost & found; That's where the blood's supposed to be; They made me do it; You break it, you buy it; One down, two to go; Hide & Seek; You will go down with this ship; “I'm fine, I prom...”; It's (not) just in your head; All work and no play; Digging your grave; Hurt & Comfort; “You have to let go.”; Garotte; Taunting; “Do you trust me?”; Betrayal; Bruises; Helplessness; Pneumothorax; Presumed Dead; Hospital; Adrift; Torture; “This is gonna suck.”; Crush injuries; Delirium; Recovery; “Please don't move.”; “Now smile for the camera.”; Bitten; Trunk; Bleeding through bandages; Cursed; Auction; Self-induced injuries to escape; Escape; Fallen; Passing out; “Good, you're finally awake.”; “You're still not dead?”; Major character death; Disaster zone; Barbed Wire; Choking; Insults; Taken Hostage; Misunderstanding; Touch Starved; Numbness; Exotic Illness; (Blind) Rage; Flare-Up; Drowning; Made To Watch; Burns; Beaten; Fever Dreams; Scars; Hemorrhage; Doctor Visit; Bleeding; Trapped Under Water; Pressure; Demon; Ransom; Flashback; Flight; Waterfall; Vertigo; Nightmares; Too Weak To Move; Left For Dead; Trauma; Bound; Gagged; “Who Did This To You?”; Pushed; Broken Nose; Hunger; Blindness; “Definitely Just A Cold”; Tears; Ice Chips; Dehydration; Begging; Cauterization; Force; Bees; Aftermath; Dread; Cpr; Stabbing; Solitary Confinement; Blood-Matted Hair; Obsession; Pursuit; Revenge; Hiding; Trap Door; Collapse; Panic; Overworked; Ghosts; Prisoner; Losing Control; Threats; Caning; Mercy; Forgotten; Head Injury; Screaming; Comfort; Self-Sacrifice; Trapped; Near-Death Experience; Regret; Tragedy; Battlefield; Anxiety; Gore; Petplay; Bimbofication; Panties & Lingerie; Bondage; Double Penetration in 2 Holes; Breeding; Humiliation; NTR; Incest; Emeto; Omorashi; Free Use; Crossdressing; Public; Three (or more) some; Daddy & Mommy; Double Penetration in 1 Hole; Distention & Cockbulge; Xenophilia; Shotgunning; Watersports; Pregnancy; Lactation; Waxplay; Grooming; Human Furniture; Feet; Prostituion; MacroMicro; Spanking; Cockwarming; Glory Hole; Somnophilia; Body Modification; Temperature Play; Leather; Size Difference; Sounding; Stockings; Tentacles; Medical Play; Stripping; Orgasm Denial; Master & slave; Scissoring; Titfucking; Frottage; Knifeplay; Formal Wear; Breathplay; Fisting; Pegging; Scat; Beastiality; Fucking Machine; Tickling; Boot Worship; Bukkake; Collaring; Foodplay; Non or dubcon; Feederism; Sensory Deprivation; Oviposition; Clone & Selfcest; Exhibitionism & Voyeurism; Impact Play; Sadomasochism; Bloodplay; Praise Kink; Body Swap; Sweat; Branding; Massage; Role Reversal; Armpit; Masturbation; Inflation; Sex Toys; Burnplay; Menophilia; Stuck in Wall; Deepthroating & Facesitting; Dacryphilia; Hate Sex

  CANDY CORN

Birthday; Sick Day; Autumn; Candles; Plaid / Flannel; Leaf Piles; Sweaters; Baking; Cinnamon; Pumpkin Spice Latte; Carnival; Movie Night; Candy; Graveyard; Black Cats; Goosebumps; Pumpkin; Party; Monster; Ghosts; Witch; Vampire; Traditions; Magic; Mask; Haunted House; Trick; Treat; Costume; Monster Mash; Halloween

  SPRINKLES

Rising Part 1; Rising Part 2; Hide and Seek; Thirty-Eight Minutes; Suspicion; Childhood's End; Poisoning the Well; Underground; Home; The Storm; The Eye; The Defiant One; Hot Zone; Sanctuary; Before I Sleep; The Brotherhood; Letters from Pegasus; The Gift; The Siege Part 1; The Siege Part 2; The Siege Part 3; The Intruder; Runner; Duet; Condemned; Trinity; Instinct; Conversion; Aurora; The Lost Boys; The Hive; Epiphany; Critical Mass; Grace Under Pressure; The Tower; The Long Goodbye; Coup d'Etat; Michael; Inferno; Allies; No Man's Land; Misbegotten; Irresistible; Sateda; Progeny; The Real World; Common Ground; McKay and Mrs. Miller; Phantoms; The Return Part 1; The Return Part 2; Echoes; Irresponsible; Tao of Rodney; The Game; The Ark; Sunday; Submersion; Vengeance; First Strike; Adrift; Lifeline; Reunion; Doppelganger; Travelers; Tabula Rasa; Missing; The Seer; Miller's Crossing; This Mortal Coil; Be All My Sins Remember'd; Spoils of War; Quarantine; Harmony; Outcast; Trio; Midway; The Kindred Part 1; The Kindred Part 2; The Last Man; Search and Rescue; The Seed; Broken Ties; The Daedalus Variations; Ghost in the Machine; The Shrine; Whispers; The Queen; Tracker; First Contact; The Lost Tribe; Outsiders; Inquisition; The Prodigal; Remnants; Brain Storm; Infection; Identity; Vegas; Enemy at the Gate; Ronon Dex; Teyla Emmagan; John Sheppard; Carson Beckett; Elizabeth Weir; Rodney McKay; Jennifer Keller; Samantha Carter; Aiden Ford; Radek Zelenka; Kate Heightmeyer; Evan Lorne; Laura Cadman; Kolya; Chuck; Peter Grodin; Steven Caldwell; Lantea; Ocean; Ancient(s); Richard Woolsey; Athosians; Daedalus; Wraith; Nanites; Asurans; Genii; DHD; SGC; Stargate; Earth; Antarctica; Ascension

 TWIST

“I need you.”; “You have no proof.”; “I’ve waited for this.”; “Fine, I give up.”; “I’m not saying I told you so…”; “Didn’t we already have this conversation?”; “That could have gone better.”; “This is it, isn’t it?”; “There’s no right side to this.”; “It’s so quiet.”; “I swear, it’s not always like this.”; “You keep me safe.”; “The things you make me do…”; “Your information was wrong.”; “I like that in you.”; “Not this again.”; “I’m with you, you know that.”; “This was not part of the plan.”; “I feel strange.”; “That’s what I’m known for.”; “What did I say?”; “No promises.”; “This time, do what I say.”; “Is this supposed to impress me?”; “Do you know what time it is?”; “I’m sure this has never worked, ever.”; “You could have died!”; “I don’t have to explain myself.”; “Why are we whispering?”; “Don’t ruin this.”; “Take me with you.”; Crystal; Suit; Vessel; Knot; Raven; Spirit; Fan; Watch; Pressure; Pick; Sour; Stuck; Roof; Tick; Helmet; Compass; Collide; Moon; Loop; Sprout; Fuzzy; Open; Leak; Extinct; Splat; Connect; Spark; Crispy; Patch; Slither; Risk; Meet-Cute; Amnesia; Age Difference; Pining; Sick Fic; Fake Relationship; Accidental Meeting; Epistolary; Secret Identity; Historical AU; Nightmares; Monster Hunter; A/B/O; Reunion; Soulmates; At Pride; Angst; Seasons; Fix-It; Coffee Shop; Movie Plot AU; Kid Fic; Actor's Other Crossover Work; OT+; Getting Together; Only One Bed; Pirates; Making Up; Forbidden Relationship; Tattoos; Halloween; Prime Directive; Lower Decks / Background Characters; Away Mission; Ship's Bar; Aliens Made Them Do It; Observation Deck; Crew with Family; Holodeck; Science Crew; Character Survives; Headcanons; Diplomacy; Decontamination; Trek Crossover; Replicator; Worldbuilding; Redshirts; Sex / Love Potion; Medical Crew; Transporters; Medbay; Interspecies Relationship; Mirrorverse; Uniforms; Mutiny; Stranded on a Planet; Rec Room; Academy Era; Second Contact; Command Crew; Off-Duty; Soft; Anonymous Sex; Penetration with Object/s; Sleeping; Intercrural Sex; Restraints; In/Under Water; Group Sex; First Time; Possessive Behavior; Dry Humping / Grinding; Overstimulation; Roleplay; Rimming; Stretching / Fisting; Power Imbalance; Food Play; Fingering; Body Worship; Sex Work; Voyeurism / Exhibitionism; Safewords; Technology; Oral Sex; Omorashi / Wetting; Crying; Underwear / Lingerie; Friends with Benefits; Pain Kink; Dirty Talk; Trick or Treat; All trussed up and nowhere to go; Talking is overrated; Sticks and stones may break my bones...; Trust fall; I've got red in my ledger; Touch and go; My spidey-sense is tingling; Coughing up a lung; Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated; Oops, I did it again; Just keep swimming; It'll be fun, they said; That's gonna leave a mark; Under pressure; Feed a cold, starve a fever; On a need-to-know basis; Field care 101; The doctor is in; Just a scratch; Lost & found; That's where the blood's supposed to be; They made me do it; You break it, you buy it; One down, two to go; You will go down with this ship; “I'm fine, I prom...”; It's (not) just in your head; All work and no play; Digging your grave; Hurt & Comfort; “You have to let go.”; Garotte; Taunting; “Do you trust me?”; Betrayal; Bruises; Helplessness; Pneumothorax; Presumed Dead; Hospital; Adrift; Torture; “This is gonna suck.”; Crush injuries; Delirium; Recovery; “Please don't move.”; “Now smile for the camera.”; Bitten; Trunk; Bleeding through bandages; Cursed; Auction; Self-induced injuries to escape; Escape; Fallen; Passing out; “Good, you're finally awake.”; “You're still not dead?”; Major character death; Disaster zone; Barbed Wire; Choking; Insults; Taken Hostage; Misunderstanding; Touch Starved; Numbness; Exotic Illness; (Blind) Rage; Flare-Up; Drowning; Made To Watch; Burns; Beaten; Fever Dreams; Scars; Hemorrhage; Doctor Visit; Bleeding; Trapped Under Water; Demon; Ransom; Flashback; Flight; Waterfall; Vertigo; Too Weak To Move; Left For Dead; Trauma; Bound; Gagged; “Who Did This To You?”; Pushed; Broken Nose; Hunger; Blindness; “Definitely Just A Cold”; Tears; Ice Chips; Dehydration; Begging; Cauterization; Force; Bees; Aftermath; Dread; Cpr; Stabbing; Solitary Confinement; Blood-Matted Hair; Obsession; Pursuit; Revenge; Hiding; Trap Door; Collapse; Panic; Overworked; Ghosts; Prisoner; Losing Control; Threats; Caning; Mercy; Forgotten; Head Injury; Screaming; Comfort; Self-Sacrifice; Trapped; Near-Death Experience; Regret; Tragedy; Battlefield; Anxiety; Gore; Petplay; Bimbofication; Panties & Lingerie; Bondage; Double Penetration in 2 Holes; Breeding; Humiliation; NTR; Incest; Emeto; Omorashi; Free Use; Crossdressing; Public; Three (or more) some; Daddy & Mommy; Double Penetration in 1 Hole; Distention & Cockbulge; Xenophilia; Shotgunning; Watersports; Pregnancy; Lactation; Waxplay; Grooming; Human Furniture; Feet; Prostituion; MacroMicro; Spanking; Cockwarming; Glory Hole; Somnophilia; Body Modification; Temperature Play; Leather; Size Difference; Sounding; Stockings; Tentacles; Medical Play; Stripping; Orgasm Denial; Master & slave; Scissoring; Titfucking; Frottage; Knifeplay; Formal Wear; Breathplay; Fisting; Pegging; Scat; Beastiality; Fucking Machine; Tickling; Boot Worship; Bukkake; Collaring; Foodplay; Non or dubcon; Feederism; Sensory Deprivation; Oviposition; Clone & Selfcest; Exhibitionism & Voyeurism; Impact Play; Sadomasochism; Bloodplay; Praise Kink; Body Swap; Sweat; Branding; Massage; Role Reversal; Armpit; Masturbation; Inflation; Sex Toys; Burnplay; Menophilia; Stuck in Wall; Deepthroating & Facesitting; Dacryphilia; Hate Sex; Birthday; Sick Day; Autumn; Candles; Plaid / Flannel; Leaf Piles; Sweaters; Baking; Cinnamon; Pumpkin Spice Latte; Carnival; Movie Night; Candy; Graveyard; Black Cats; Goosebumps; Pumpkin; Party; Monster; Witch; Vampire; Traditions; Magic; Mask; Haunted House; Trick; Treat; Costume; Monster Mash; Rising Part 1; Rising Part 2; Hide and Seek; Thirty-Eight Minutes; Suspicion; Childhood's End; Poisoning the Well; Underground; Home; The Storm; The Eye; The Defiant One; Hot Zone; Sanctuary; Before I Sleep; The Brotherhood; Letters from Pegasus; The Gift; The Siege Part 1; The Siege Part 2; The Siege Part 3; The Intruder; Runner; Duet; Condemned; Trinity; Instinct; Conversion; Aurora; The Lost Boys; The Hive; Epiphany; Critical Mass; Grace Under Pressure; The Tower; The Long Goodbye; Coup d'Etat; Michael; Inferno; Allies; No Man's Land; Misbegotten; Irresistible; Sateda; Progeny; The Real World; Common Ground; McKay and Mrs. Miller; Phantoms; The Return Part 1; The Return Part 2; Echoes; Irresponsible; Tao of Rodney; The Game; The Ark; Sunday; Submersion; Vengeance; First Strike; Lifeline; Doppelganger; Travelers; Tabula Rasa; Missing; The Seer; Miller's Crossing; This Mortal Coil; Be All My Sins Remember'd; Spoils of War; Quarantine; Harmony; Outcast; Trio; Midway; The Kindred Part 1; The Kindred Part 2; The Last Man; Search and Rescue; The Seed; Broken Ties; The Daedalus Variations; Ghost in the Machine; The Shrine; Whispers; The Queen; Tracker; First Contact; The Lost Tribe; Outsiders; Inquisition; The Prodigal; Remnants; Brain Storm; Infection; Identity; Vegas; Enemy at the Gate; Ronon Dex; Teyla Emmagan; John Sheppard; Carson Beckett; Elizabeth Weir; Rodney McKay; Jennifer Keller; Samantha Carter; Aiden Ford; Radek Zelenka; Kate Heightmeyer; Evan Lorne; Laura Cadman; Kolya; Chuck; Peter Grodin; Steven Caldwell; Lantea; Ocean; Ancient(s); Richard Woolsey; Athosians; Daedalus; Wraith; Nanites; Asurans; Genii; DHD; SGC; Stargate; Earth; Antarctica; Ascension

@nanogrem Yes! Yes I do!! I even mentioned it yesterday and forgot again! Ough

Anyways, let me tidy up the notes I have

Before I get into it, I must add a disclaimer: a large part of the reason I haven’t drawn much for it yet is because I’m still a little hesitant to solidly decide on locations, characterizations, and color palettes, so all of this may be subject to heavy alterations the more I flesh it out! The palette struggle is mostly because I’m torn between only really changing the red and black to white and blue vs just straight up inverting everything. I think that might be cool, but I think it could also run into the issue of becoming really heavily eye strain-y, so as it stands now, just the primary symbolic colors are inverted, while most everything else remains close to the same!

So. It was actually all inspired by the song Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish, of all things. That came on my shuffle as I was walking, and I have a tendency to associate Billie Eilish music with Fells in general, Edge especially, because her music portrays a lot of emotionality in such a cold and quiet way, usually, and has sort of like…an air of tragedy about it that just. Works, to me. But in these specific circumstances, that song doesn’t really fit given Underfell’s colors are predominantly red- but that was where the lights flicked on.

I got this stark imagery of an Underfell Papyrus but with an inverse color palette. Complete with crisp bright blue eyes. Invertedfell. It’s not swapped, everything is inverted.

The Ruins are actually a well maintained place, probably just called something like ‘Old Home’, it’s relatively quiet and calm, the monsters there retreated from the world outside and are mostly just timid and exhausted. Toriel is...cold. Distant. The very definition of thousand yard stare. It feels like she’s looking through you. She wouldn’t help a player through, actively telling them they won’t survive long down here, but when they inevitably make it to her house, she reluctantly lets them in to rest. Still does fight you to get you to stop, go back, or at least stay with her, feeling...a lot of responsibility for not just the children, but the current state of the underground.

Snowdin, a bustling town, probably twice the size of standard Snowdins, lots of people, very dangerous. The dogs are put together, fierce guards, hardly animalistic at all, and they reflect the Guard Captain who resides there. Papyrus is cold, quiet, and scarily calm. It seems like nothing upsets him. Rumor has it he doesn’t experience emotions. Or that, perhaps, his brother experiences enough for the both of them. Sans is a bit unhinged. Intense would be a good word to describe him. Can, and will, pick fights, and he doesn’t tolerate people talking shit about his brother. Has several nervous tics. Always smiling.

Waterfall is basically just a military training grounds. Most of the shops and their residents only survive thanks to passers through, it’s dark, dingy, and above all, strict. Lieutenant Undyne is a miserable monster. After Papyrus defeated her for the position of Captain of the Guard, she became a bit of a recluse. She’s still second in command, but doesn’t leave her house for anything that isn’t work, for the most part. Mute.

Hotland is essentially the testing grounds of the Royal scientist. Both residents and guards alike must be wary, things are always changing, posing threats, but it has a successful drug market since it *is so difficult to navigate. Difficult to catch criminals, too. Alphys is an angry, bitter scientist. One of the few people who will openly argue with Asgore, is self interested, and doesn’t have a lot of patience. Mettaton is mostly her social experiment (she does not take pride in what she’s done to him). He has trauma induced psychosis that is purposefully exploited for “entertainment”.

New Home is next to abandoned. Run down, dirty, mostly people who can’t afford to live somewhere squat there. The castle is still in relatively good condition though. This is of no doing by the King. He’s as unstable, incredibly paranoid. Violent and angry, very difficult to deal with, and “hates” just about everyone.

The important part is that, at their core, they are still all very much the same characters, just inverted. Not swapped with anyone, but their own traits are basically turned inside out more or less.

Some extra stuff specifically about the brothers!

Sans is. Essentially a loose cannon. Basically? He “snapped”, and became so fed up with everything he stopped trying to hide his hand. People know how dangerous he is, and not just because he’s the Judge. His anxiety basically became volatile hostility, and his paranoia gave him permission to act. He will do anything to protect them, and doesn’t make a secret of that. Though he is still generally miserable. They look out for each other, but when they’re alone, rarely interact.

Papyrus. He’s not cruel, not really. He just. Lacks emotionality, basically. He has his priorities, his objectives, a job to do, and a reason. Gaster made them to break the barrier, and if the best he can do is obtain a human soul for it, then that’s what he’ll do. But in the meantime, he’ll keep them alive, and the best way to do that is status. Still secretive, of course, but is a little more straightforward about his strength as well, helps keeping things in line. He can express mildly, but I mean mildly. It’s rare to see anything beyond vaguely irritated, and his “happy” is basically a barely there smile that looks more learned than natural. He’s like a robot, almost, and no one trusts him, not even Undyne. Sans is too fucked to care about trust. If Papyrus randomly killed him one day, it would just be something that happened. He doesn’t care anymore. But that doesn’t impact his motivation. Papyrus would never lay a hand on his brother.

They’re an odd job and a half, really.

But yeah!! I love thinking about them, and how drastically different all of their relationships are. Ice’s nickname is definitely very fitting, but at his core, he is still Papyrus, just because he doesn’t show his emotions doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them… Flowey and Frisk would also be inverted, so it might be…a little trickier to get a true pacifist ending, but it all balances out, in the end! Also…gotta come up with nickname for everyone…

I watched “Happiest Season” and no it fucking wasn’t.

Here’s a review so you don’t have to suffer like I did: if I wasn’t watching it as the host of a movie night, I would not have made it past 20-30 minutes in.

It was very uncomfortable to watch.  I feel like I just spent two hours on a plane with a crying baby.  Except the baby was a homophobic rich white Republican that I was forced to campaign for.  All of the people I watched it with, including myself, found it stressful, anxiety inducing, and deeply unpleasant.  The first thing I did when it was over was warn my best friend not to watch it.

90% of the movie is rich white straight people drama forcing lesbians into the closet.  It’s not fun.  It’s not happy.  It wasn’t enjoyable.  At all.  Watching this was an uncompromisingly depressing and miserable experience.

It was marketed as a romantic comedy and it was neither of those things.   I feel repressed for having seen it.  

Every relationship in this movie is toxic and hard to watch, with the sole exception of two other characters who aren’t part of the family both having much better chemistry with Kristen Stewart’s character than her girlfriend.

Aubrey Plaza playing Gay Aubrey Plaza one of two redeeming things in the movie and she’s in it for about ten minutes, and even one of her scenes was hard for me to sit through (the awkward and dubiously written drag bar scene)  The other 90 minutes are agonizingly drawn out and unbearable.

If you are determined to support this movie because god knows we need more (and MUCH better) representation and we live in a hellscape where money is the only way to ask for such things, press play on it and then take out your headphones and go read a book instead until it’s over.

For your own sake please do not watch this.  

I genuinely can’t tell who it’s even FOR.  If anything about this movie resonates with you, I am SORRY to hear that, because you are probably the lesbian daughter of a very rich white man running for office as a Republican, and watching any of the rich housewife reality shows probably gives you PTSD because those are the kind of people you grew up with.  

And even IF that is the case, spare yourself the trauma of watching your own life and watch something else instead.  This movie will only hurt you.

Nothing about the experience of seeing this was worth it.

Plot spoilers ahead.

The plot is as follows:

Abby (Kristen Stewart) loves her girlfriend Harper (Mackenzie Davis).  But she does not love Christmas.  After a night out together, Harper asks her to join her when she visits her family for the holidays.  Abby says yes, and gets her gay male friend John (that guy from Schitt’s Creek) to cover pet sitting for her. While running a few errands with him, she goes to pick up an engagement ring which looks completely unattainable for a woman who makes a living as a pet sitter.

When they are almost to Harper’s family’s home, she awkwardly brings up that she lied about coming out to them earlier in the year.  They still don’t know she’s gay and they have to make sure the family is perfect and scandal free because her dad is running for mayor or something and one of his donors? campaign manager? is going to be there.  So they have to pretend Abby is her straight roommmate.  They fight about it before Abby very reluctantly agrees.  This is a pattern that repeats until Abby can’t take any more.

The family is like upper-class-Republican terrible.  They are AWFUL people.  The parents treat their children like trophies in a display case, and the children all feel forced into brutal competition with each other to see who the parents will actually be proud of.  One of Harper’s sisters (Jane) is actually an okay person who does nothing wrong, but she’s an aspiring writer who has spent 10 years not finishing her book and she’s played like she belongs in a different movie, and it feels like she’s meant to be seen as the useless layabout sibling, in a cruelly funny way.  

The other sister is a nightmare of a woman (Sloane? I think?) played by a completely unrecognizable Allison Brie.  She’s a lawful evil cutthroat monster who is straight up VICIOUS to the other two, and is especially terrible to Harper, because neither of them even see Jane as competition.  Her own family is the thing she uses to try to be worthy of her parents’ pride and affection.  

The dad is focused entirely on his campaign and is more or less indifferent to all of them unless they aren’t “presentable” and “scandal free” enough to keep his potential donor/campaign manager satisfied, in which case he “expects better of them” until they behave.  The children are like 30.  

The mom is maybe the worst of all of them.  She’s invasive, ignorant in that forceful way where she doesn’t give a shit about anything except her own bubble of reality that she thinks she’s living in and blows past any contradiction to it like it’s not even there, nitpicky about what everyone’s doing, is willfully out of touch with everything she’s told (Abby’s parents died when she was 19, and she spends the movie acting like she thinks Abby grew up in an orphanage made of dirt and never had a Christmas before).  And she will not leave the two of them alone.  She insists it’s ridiculous for two grown women to share a bedroom and gives Abby a room without a lock in a basement that’s bigger than my whole house, while Harper’s room is upstairs.  Everyone is constantly barging into Abby’s room with less than two seconds of notice, which leads to the kind of tension and awkwardness you’d expect.  The first morning, Abby wakes up to Sloane’s children staring at her.

Abby is clearly MISERABLE.  And so are you, because you’re watching this movie.  Abby and Harper are constantly pushed apart by the family, and Harper pushes Abby away while pretending to be perfect and straight for her family.

Her family invited Harper’s ex boyfriend, who thinks they should rekindle things.  Super fun thing that I always love to see in my lesbian media.

While out at dinner, Abby and Harper have another mini fight in the bathroom.  Harper promises she had no idea Connor(?) was going to be there and that there won’t be any more surprises.  They walk out of the bathroom, right into Harper’s OTHER ex, her first girlfriend Riley (Aubrey Plaza, who literally just plays herself and is the only good thing about the movie).

This is the first 20 minutes.

There’s a party that leaves Abby feeling isolated and pushed away.  She goes outside to make a phone call.  She makes regular texts and phone calls to John for support and advice throughout the movie.  He’s terrible at taking care of fish, but he’s genuinely a good friend to her and it’s clear he cares about her a lot.  It’s probably unfair not to say his friendship is the second redeeming thing in the movie.  After Abby gets off the phone with him the first time, Riley comes out from around the corner and tries to be nice, saying she could relate to what she’s going through.  Abby kind of closes off from her and she takes the hint without any fuss and leaves her alone.

The movie slogs on with compounding stress and anxiety and a moment when Abby is LITERALLY forced to hide in a closet and pretend she was sleepwalking on her way to Harper’s bedroom at night.  It MIGHT have been an attempt at a joke?  I’m genuinely not sure because I did not come close to laughing once in the entire 100 minutes of this nightmare.  Harper instead sneaks into Abby’s room while she’s awkwardly trying to get away from Harper’s mom.  That’s where the gifs of the sneak-snuggle from behind the door come from.  Enjoy the gifs because everything that wasn’t giffed is not worth seeing.  Harper spends the night there.

Bright and early, Harper’s mom comes knocking on the door, trying to open it and barge in again but Abby blocked the door with something heavy claiming it was to “keep her from sleepwalking again” (her excuse for being in the closet) while Harper frantically gets almost-dressed and hides behind the door as BOTH parents come to bother them, and the evil sister’s children see her partially dressed through the crack in the door.

Later that day Abby has to go shopping for a present for the “White Elephant” Harper didn’t warn her about.  She bumps into Sloane at the mall, who dumps her kids off on her before quickly leaving.  The kids very intentionally frame Abby for shoplifting by putting a necklace in her bag, and there’s a really awkward and uncomfortable scene with her being interrogated by overly forceful mall cops who are yelling at her.  When she finally gets back to the house, Harper’s entire family now thinks she’s a criminal.

Abby spends the night alone during another (campaign?) party that Harper told her she’d probably be happier getting left out of, and she bumps into Riley on the street and gets to talking with her, still more frustrated by Harper and her family.  She says she needs some alcohol, Riley takes her to a drag bar which gave me really bad vibes and bonds with her there, telling her a bit about her relationship with Harper.  They dated secretly (obviously) in their first year of high school (which implies she knew she was gay before she dated Connor, and used him as a cover).  They would sneak each other romantic notes.  When someone found one in Harper’s locker, she threw Riley under the bus completely, outed her, and said she was obsessed with her so she could go on pretending to be straight.  They bond a bit and seem like they could be friends, at a minimum.  They have a few more scenes together over the next hour (yeah there’s still that much movie left, and if you’re wondering how it could be that bad, you’re welcome for the warning, because I was wondering that too) and they have better chemistry than Abby and Harper by miles.

Eventually Abby becomes so miserable she checks the movie-specific version of Uber to try to go home by herself, but it’s running at holiday rates so it would cost over $1000 for her to leave.  She’s still tempted to do it, and calls John again for advice and says she feels awful, completely alone, and with no way out of this horrible situation.  He gives her some more friendly support.

Abby still needs a White Elephant gift, but has no way to go by herself because Harper drove them there.  So she calls Riley to go with her.  They spend a day hanging out together while Harper is doing some other thing with her dad’s campaign, and Abby makes text excuses to Harper, who then immediately sees Riley and Abby walking by on the street together.  Before she gets a chance to run out and say something, she gets interrupted by something I thankfully don’t remember (I long for the moment this is true of the rest of it).

Riley and Abby bond some more but nothing romantic happens.  The plot only wants them to be good friends, even though their chemistry is really good.

At the end of the day Abby comes in and Harper immediately almost starts a fight with her but they get interrupted again somehow.

I have willed most of the next 20 minutes out of my mind, apparently.

There’s yet another party at this gigantic house because I hate the rich, Abby and Riley talk more.  This is the one with the really gay outfit.  Abby admits to Riley that she was planning on proposing to Harper, but at this point it’s like she’s a completely different person and she can’t tell who the real Harper is.  Riley says it’s probably both of them.

SURPRISE JOHN IS HERE.  He comes in the front door and calls for Abby.  After Abby’s last phone call he arranged for his therapist to do the pet sitting and he drove all the way here just so he could take her home.  Seriously, John has incredible Good Friend Energy.  Yet more awkwardness ensues, while John mixes some awkward flirting with Connor into his poor attempt to come off as straight.  Abby then walks right up to Harper, says “we’re done” and goes to grab some things to leave.  Harper follows her into the room and tries to get her to stay, Abby says she can’t take the hiding and the general misery, the whole experience has been terrible and she’s not sure if Harper is the person she thought she was.  Harper argues for her to stay and says she’s caught between being afraid of losing her family if she comes out and knowing she’ll lose Abby if she doesn’t.  She promises to come out to them as soon as the holidays are over because Abby is more important to her.  They kiss briefly and realize Sloane is in the doorway.

Sloane tries to run to tell the rest of the family because burning Harper’s reputation forever means she’ll be the one their parents love most.  They fight in the many hallways of this stupidly enormous rich people house (this is when “Stay out of it, Sappho” happens) and on the way to ruin her sister’s life Sloane finds her husband making out with another ....campaign person? in the pantry and or closet which is big enough to fit two people inside.   Now Harper has something to use against Sloane.  This family is fucking horrible.  Sloane gets to where everyone else is first, and outs Harper.

Harper tries to swear she’s not gay, and sees Abby watching her.  She silently turns and walks out the door with John.  Harper then grabs a giant painting that Jane spent 100 hours on for the white elephant and smashes it over Sloane’s head and yells at her before falling apart.

Abby and John have another heartfelt conversation where John asks how she came out to her parents, and she said they loved and supported her.  Then he said his dad kicked him out on the street and didn’t talk to him for thirteen years.  He says everyone’s story is different, and Harper was still going through hers, and it was a hard one.  I THINK he acknowledges that if Abby doesn’t feel like she belongs in that story, she shouldn’t force herself to?  But that might have been wishful hindsight.  Abby comes back into the house to grab her things and leave, Harper comes out to her family right in front of her, Abby says it was too late and leaves anyway.  Harper is crushed and the rest of the family starts to see how fucked up they all are.

And then in the span of 7 fucking minutes the parents realize they were shitty to Sloane and Harper and the only reason Jane turned out okay is because they gave up on her, they give a minimal apology to their children, who also realize they were shitty to each other, and then it’s the next day and Abby is there with them, Harper has the ring on her finger, and everyone is magically happy now because the dad turned down his campaign advisor who said she could still work with him if he kept Harper’s “problem” a secret.

Jane’s book becomes a best seller and she’s friends with John now, because he was the only person who seemed genuinely interested in her passion.  He sits next to her at her book signing.  The end.

No, I’m not kidding.

As soon as it was over, I thought, wow that felt like a rushed happy ending that got slapped onto the end with nothing building up to or deserving it.

After further consideration, that gives it too much credit.

Because honestly? after the first hour and thirty five minutes of this hell, Abby and Harper being together at the end is not even something I would consider a happy ending.  I wasn’t satisfied at all.  It DEFINITELY felt like Abby ending up with Riley would have been a better movie.

If I had been told beforehand that a lesbian romcom starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis, and featuring Aubrey Plaza as Gay Aubrey Plaza would have been an absolutely miserable experience that was hard to sit through and nothing but unpleasant to watch, I would probably have been shocked and disappointed.  

But at least I would have not seen this movie.  That is my gift to you.  Please do NOT watch this.

It was marketed as a romantic comedy and it lived up to neither of those claims.  Absolutely terrible movie.  The happiest season of all is one where you don’t watch this stressful, uncomfortable disaster.

sunshine

{he’s so pretty, I physically couldn’t resist myself. here’s some fluff because I’m on edge about the season finale.}

synopsis: after coming back from being captive from the shadow man, connor and the reader have a hard time readjusting to life after the dark. 

reader notes: reader is non gender specific so anyone can read this and also luke’s sister this can be biological, adopted however you see fit! 

warning: anxiety, trauma, a little bit of angst if you squint but happy ending!

It was a bit traumatizing if you were honest, seeing a monster from something you thought only existed in nightmares first possess your boyfriend to torment you and your friends, then slowly pick your friends off one by one. Until it was only your brother and you left. After that it’s all fuzzy, it happened so fast. You barely had time to process anything before you both had acted on everything to save your friends and your own lives’. According to the internet it was trauma induced amnesia. That was the closest you’d get to closure. 

Other than venting to the other members of the midnight society. It wasn’t as if you could tell anyone. They’d barely believe you. Your brother and you tried to explain what had happened to your dad but he hardly believed you. You couldn’t blame him. If you hadn’t lived through it, you probably wouldn’t believe yourself. Due to everything that had happened in your quest to defeat the shadow man, you and all of your friends were grounded. Your parents suggesting that you’d needed time away from each other to realize your wrong doings and make up for said wrong doings. 

You felt trapped. It’d only been three hours of seemingly endless grounding sentence. Your phone, laptop, and remote to your tv had been taken so you’d been left to your own devices for pure entertainment. But you can only stare out the window so long before you want to scream. So you decided to redecorate your room. It was too dark in the corners, and even though the shadow man was gone it was still going to be a long time before you were able to sleep in a dark room comfortability again. Before any of you were able to be okay in the dark again. 

You looked back at the chaotic but somewhat comforting array of fairy lights you’d strung up around your room. Around the doorframe of your closet which was now open so the light could lightly shine into it, then in the parallel corner the lights ran to your desk. Another identical strand wrapped around the mold of the door of your bedroom, then over your bed, and then ending over your dresser. The light yet protective purple blaze felt enough. Enough to temporarily distract you from how bad things had been, in all the chaos you never let yourself break. Here in the comfort of your own room, the fairy lights glowing surrounding you, several tears began to make their way down your cheeks. 

Suddenly there’s a knock on the door, you clear your throat and then get up to open it. Expecting it to be your dad or your brother. There was no surprise when you saw your brother, holding both your phones. “ midnight society meeting, dad’s passed out.” he said handing your phone back to you. 

“who called it?” You croaked out, your voice slightly rasped. “who do you think?” he said rhetorically. A moment of silence washed over the two of you. The only person the two of you had been worrying about since they’d disappeared. Connor. You took a deep breath. 

“He’s Connor, the real Connor. We don’t have to be scared anymore, everything’s going to be alright.” Luke said. You knew he was the real Connor, you felt it. It was this indescribable feeling that you felt once you locked eyes on him. But was everything going to be alright?

“It’s not about Connor, it’s about everything else, i’ve never felt so scared in my life. I honestly have zero desire to listen to scary stories when my fucking life has felt like one recently.” You spilled out to your brother. He was slightly taken aback, that was the most you’d said in the past forty eight hours. After coming home you’d gone silent. Only muttering three word sentences at most. 

“So don’t listen to the scary stories but you have to talk to Connor, you two are miserable without each other. You balance each other out.” he said before giving you space and going back to his room. Once back in his room, Luke texted the group chat that excluded you to let them know that their plan was in motion. 

Lacing up your shoes, you shrugged on a jacket and then snuck out your window. Something you’d picked up from dating Connor. Then making your way to the boat dock where the midnight society meetings were held. When you got to the door you started to second guess why you came, this exact spot was where you watched two of your best friends and her brother disappear. Everything in you was screaming to leave. But something in you was whispering to go in. Pushing past your feelings and the doors you make your way upstairs of the boat dock. 

Looking exactly as it had been left the trap for the shadow man sat still and mirrors surrounding. Taking a deep breath you walked further into the room. Goosebumps rising over your skin, your favorite place had instantly caused your blood to run cold and now everything was different, like it or not. The stairs of the boat dock creaked, you whipped around. Relaxing instantly when you saw that it was just Connor. He made his way over to you. Once he was within arms reach, you launched yourself onto him, having zero desire to let go. Eventually, the hug broke apart. 

“There’s no midnight society meeting is there?” You asked. A shy smile spreads across Connors face as he shakes his head. “ I just didn’t know how else to break you out of your prison ward, plus it wasn’t hard to convince everyone else to help.” he said as he brushed a piece of your hair behind your ear, letting his hand caress your cheek. Leaning into his touch and holding onto his wrist gently. If you could relive a moment forever and ever. Any moment with Connor would suffice, but this one? It would be a shoe in. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You didn’t have to be specific, you both knew what the it implied. Connor removed his hand from your cheek, he began to mindlessly wander the room. You knew he was dodging your question and you couldn’t blame him.

“Do you remember the last storm? My dad had been away for a fishing trip and your dad was at an away wrestling meet with Luke. So you came over to my house because you were terrified of being home alone in a storm.” Nostalgia washes over you as you start to remember that day,  as you started to walk over it had already started storming so by the time you showed up it looked like you had swam there. He’d given you some of his clothes so you didn’t get cold from being soaking wet. 

“Honestly, I would’ve been alright on my own. I just like being around you.” You admitted ready for him to make a joke or two. Turning around, He looks at you and smiles. Connor had a tendency to smile looking at you but who could blame him? 

“After a few episodes of whatever we were watching, we lost power and then when our flashlights were dead you said that we’d be fine because eventually the sun would come up, and the worst would be over.” You both had been waiting for sunshine for several hours before it shines through the windows of the Stevens house hold. Your phones discarded for emergency flashlight purposes but you were so wrapped up in each other you had forgotten they were still charged. 

“When i was in the dark, the only thing that kept me going was that. At first i thought it was him taunting me or something. But it was hope. You saying that eventually the sun would come up and the worst would be over.” Connor had stopping wandering, making his way back to you. Taking your hands in his.

“You’re my sunshine, thinking back to that night and every time i’ve ever been with you it just kept me going. I knew you were going to get me out of there. Cause let’s be honest you’re always fixing my messes.” Laughing at the last part your heart fluttered. 

“I love you.” You jumped straight off that cliff not knowing if you’d be caught or not.

“I love you too.” You were caught.

--

I am really happy with how this turned out! <3

⭐

I've noticed while I'm an angst magnet who occasionally wanders in fluffier directions my niche really seems to be in writing characters with mental health issues and oddly enough I never even intended it?

Jim having anxiety is a given of course, he does in canon, so it's not all that surprising my brain wandered off one afternoon wondering what would happen if he didn't have his support network after being bathtubbed. That one became Ghosts he left behind where we've had stress induced disassociation, dysphoria about his new body plus his fight with anxiety and panic attacks WHICH GIVEN HOW CHAPTER 3 ENDED he's tipping well into breaking point territory making it all the more critical they get hold of him before he completely gives into the monster he's terrified of being. He's fighting it with everything in his arsenal though, the biggest problem is he's been caught in a spiral of awful that is messing with his memories causing him to second guess and has no means of seeing a way out via someone he trusts so it only digs in deeper. Having been in one of these I've drawn on my own experience and they are godawful, this is the perfect storm for Jim to be hit by one and boy is it.

Plot aside in general nobody treats his anxiety as a funny personality quirk or Jim being dramatic, it's completely normalised and steps are in place to help when it has a !! moment which is a rarity in all fiction honestly? There has been a mention that he was on medication but the Darklands incident caused a "hiccup" in how effective they were, Toby mentioning he's particularly worried about that because something really must have freaked him out to not even contact Barbara from past experiences and Claire had been taught some CBT techniques as well. Brain having stupid moments is part of Jim that does not have an easy fix but you can be given means to cope which I hope other anxiety sufferers reading can appreciate. I've seen more than a few that just give him anxiety and either write it badly or he's the only one in the world who seems to and everyone else just ignores it.

Sensory overload has popped up a couple times as well which is another thing I get that does generally need specific circumstances to trigger depending on what your own flavour is. My BIG one is sound and Jim having heightened senses now is discovering how much they suck because it's all new and people are so noisy without realising it. This is part of the reason he keeps bolting for the same place in the woods: It's a lot quieter there and while anxiety brain will still kick off at least so many voices or strong smells from cars and general human habitation that don't seem to stop can't overwhelm his senses there. One less thing to worry about in an ocean of pear shape.

Sliiiight spoiler for As long as there are stars in the sky chapter 3 but Douxie has one here too because of extreme circumstances: Shunted in and out the Void with no warning (Thanks Kanjigar), the existing stress of the situation upped even more by being outted and worry for those outside plus he hadn't realised his bond with Archie got temporarily disrupted so he got slammed HARD with the panic belatedly when back in the Forge. The last was one thing too many, he hit the floor leaving familiar and Zoe to spring into action to ease him through it as it's one of the worst places it could have happened. It's not treated like a surprise to their party because they know him so well and recognise the signs and that it's very different from injury or panic attack because of that all important normalisation again whereas the trolls understandably have no idea . They're gonna need to come up with something suitable to explain it away without anyone finding out they're magic users sure but that is about pat and parcel of the hilarious mess that is this plot.

In Heart of Glass chapter 1 Douxie ended up having a straight up disassociation moment because one of his trauma triggers was (Unintentionally of course) mentioned and his brain just noped out the conversation breaking a pen in the process. How you react when one comes up is unpredictable at the best of times, he ended up going that route because he was already stressed while doing his best to hide that fact as much as possible essentially causing a bsod moment when the limit was shot through in an instant. The thing was even before it happened Archie sensed there was a potential incident waiting to happen and was trying to calm him down which unfortunately didn't work. That said his presence there helped him ease into the other side because even in his worst moments his familiar means safety able to keep alert for danger while being cuddled the shit out of. It had the added bonus of showing how close their bond is as well as just how traumatised the bean is in that verse centuries on without a laundry list of hows and whys.

I'm not sure where it falls under really but there's the touch averse thing that all variants of Douxie I write AU or not share. If it's on his terms or he knows/trusts you it's fine, if it's unexpected or he doesn't know who you are there is always that hitch of panic and looking for a polite out. Why? It can very quickly turn into a grab, the associations of being snatched up by knights or anyone else he's run into over the years remains firmly embedded in the Not Good category. Somewhat ironic when if he's comfortable he's a very touchy person and a hugger but that is of course on his own terms not anyone else's. Some trauma you simply cannot age away from, it’s stuck for life.

ANYWAY TANGENT ASIDE more mental health issues and reactions to trauma being normalised in the world they exist in and given the respect they deserve and not treated like a character trait please. If you can have a character be gay or Trans (Meeeee blatantly hinting Jim is Trans without saying he is is because it'd make no sense to in context is fun) or something like dyslexia without everyone making a big deal out of it you can have someone with anxiety without treating it like "oh they're just anxious lol". I write it myself in the hopes that it might help at least one person understand what it's like or better yet another see somebody writing it that understands what it's like and isn't using it for cheap shock value. I have to put up with all this shit it's about time it does something useful.

Let's talk about Loki:

Specifically, the elaboration of the first episode of the series and its affect on his character. I have a lot of feelings revolving around this guy.

First off, He has never been JUST the villain. From the very beginning, we've seen somebody who's been broken beyond repair. This is a character who grew up his entire life believing he was something he wasn't. In this essay I will-

-Continue the mcforkin essay right here:

Even before he realized his heritage, he was left out. In Thor, The Dark World, it really shows how the Four have always sided with Thor. From the very beginning, Thor has the best; he was values for his beauty and his strength, where Loki was considered offsetting and physically weak. He was a practicioner of magic, far beneath a "real" warrior.

He was never valued and always suspected. Something Mobius noted in their first chat was how he really didn't seem to be born to rule. Everything he did inflicted a different pain and suffering.

Which is all good and dark, of course, but monsters are made.

I think it was in the first Thor movie, when Odin said:

"Your birthright was to die!"

That is when Loki realized. That exact moment was when he snapped and finally, finally realized.... This place, Asgard, it was a home, but it had never been his.

This God of Mischief, God of Sufferage, God of Nothing, he had one person his entire life: His mother.

And then she was killed.

And he blamed himself, then Thor blamed him, then he was once again the monster.

He'd proven to himself and everyone else that he was the villain, and he believed it.

"I don't enjoy hurting people."

How long have we waited for that line?

It's all part if the illusion, his illusion. He hurts people because he feels he has to.

You see the look on his face?

He's enjoying it because he needs it. He just realized he had no destiny, so he's made his own. He made himself up to be the thing EVERYONE WANTS HIM TO BE. He's becoming what they think he is.

Why?

Well, ask yourself: How? How can you fight something when there's nobody on your side?

All his life, he'd been playing a game by somebody else's rules, in the dark, with the tables turned against him. And then, he made his decision:

"Be the witch and know everything."

He was right. He was right from the start.

There was no luck in the world for people like him.

To clarify:

I'm not saying that he's good. Because that would rob him of his identity, and of his relatability. I relate to him for who and what he is, and that's a cunning little bitch.

I LOVE HIS PERSONALITY!

I respect his trauma.

I am stunned by his skill and deceptions.

He is not the good guy, and by the gods, that's amazing.

And then this:

LOKI IS OFFICIALLY GENDERFLUID. Yes, I know it says "Sex Fluid", but Tom Hiddleston and the writers of the show themselves also spoke out on his fluidity and also confirmed it as cannon.

This.

This is amazing.

This complex character, this Icon of Chaos! Is now something j can relate to in even deeper levels. I see my identity here. I am seen. I'm not just a confused kid, I'm a genderfluid god and I've got this man to prove it!

Legend.

In conclusion, Loki. Just Loki. He is a brilliant, cunning, trauma induced, deceptive, sarcastic, badass little bitch and I love him.

Loki.

Shakespearean mc here- what are your thoughts on the different plays? Specifically twelfth night and midsummers night dream since you mentioned characters from those plays plus Macbeth (I’m studying that one in school)

*Cracks knuckles and takes a long, deep breath.* 

Fam I have written entire essays about this for my courses. I have done presentations and powerpoints, not to mention monologues. I have filled journals. You know not what sort of floodgate that you’ve opened. The doorway to my dorkish heart. 

Twelfth Night is my favorite comedy and it was actually the first one I ever saw. The premise behind the show is a farce-like situation, it’s literally one big joke. Viola has a crush, so in order to woo him, she dresses up as a man and goes off to try and convince another woman to date him. Y’know, as you do. But then here’s the kicker - his crush falls in love with the male disguise! I know it’s probably something we all just kind of accept as normal Shakespearian humor at this point, but you must understand how hard Tiny Brandon was laughing when he first saw this, especially since Olivia was played by a friend of mine. (Well I say “friend,” she was a drama coach, but I considered her a friend, so there.) Viola holds a special place in my heart, for being the first protagonist I saw, and I friggin love how she puts it all together immediately and her reaction is just, “I wonder how badly this will all go wrong by the end. Welp! No turning back now!” She’s literally such a mood, and I’m so glad to see her reunited with Sebastion by the end. Speaking of him, I like how he just kind of stumbles upon the plot and passively accepts it. Oliva throws herself at him, and he just accepts. I’ve seen this played multiple ways. In the first production I saw, the guy was bewildered and just kind of went along with it like “Uh...okay?” But later on, I saw a version where my good friend was playing him, and he made me laugh so hard, because he played it like “This total babe wants to marry me. I have no idea why or who she is, but she does NOT need to ask twice.” Also this has nothing to do with anything, but between Oliva falling for “Sezario” and Orsino continuing to treat Viola as a man until they’re married...yeah, this play had characters who were LBGT and didn’t know it. Them’s just the facts. Anyway, I love this little squad, I’d watch a sitcom about them for sure. Oh who am I kidding, the real comedy of this show, the elephant in the room...is Malvolio, and his whole storyline. What a role, and I want it. I wish to play Malvolio before I die. I wish to see fanfiction about him getting revenge on the whole pack of them. I cannot read the cross-gartered scene without laughing. He’s...he’s Percy. He’s literally Percy, right down to how he’s the punch line of the joke, and it’s treated as okay because he’s just that annoying...but y’know I don’t really mind? Like sure, he was wronged. He was most notoriously abused. But it was funny! 

Midsummers is a show that I basically know by the back of my hand by now. It’s one of the classics, it’s like Romeo and Juliet in the sense that it’s one of the shows that everyone had heard of, everyone knows on a basic level even if they hate Shakespare or know little to nothing about his work. And I used to joke that this show was following me. Because everyone was putting it on, and no matter where I went, what company I worked with...inevitably, that show would crop up. If I had any dancing ability or movement training that I hadn’t all but forgotten by now, I would love to play Puck. The ultimate trickster, the ultimate troll. He’s the best. Another classic and cliche plot of course, but that’s because it’s iconic at this point. Like a blend between a soap opera and a farce this time, everything that happens between the four humans in the woods. I love how it’s just canon that Hermia is short, and angry about this. I like how Lysander is kinda witty, “You have her father’s love, Demetrius. Would you marry him?” and y’know, he’s not a bad guy. He does try to get into Hermia’s pants before the wedding, but he backs down when she says no. Demetrius though? He’s a dirtbag. I mean, he’s not as bad as Proteus from Two Gents...but like...are we just never gonna talk about how his love for Helena was artificially induced...and that’s the happy ending? And none of the humans will ever know it? Oh well. There’s also the rivalry between Oberon and Titania, and I always love watching them onstage. They really feel like two deities waging a war, or “playing a game” with each other, with mortals caught in the crosshairs. I believe this romance, I ship it. Titania is a character that I always have high standards for. I expect an amazing performance from her, especially after seeing what my friend Chrissy put in the role. (I doubt you will ever see this, Chrissy, but if you do - shoutout!) Then there's the whole subplot about Pyramus and Thisbe. It’s a little awkward that the production is put on after the whole resolution with the four humans, but I guess it makes sense in-universe. And who cares - it’s always, always the funniest part of that whole show. I look forward to it every time. “This dog. My dog.” 

Don’t get me started on Macbeth. This is my favorite Tragedy and probably my favorite Shakespeare show overall. But it’s not just a Tragedy, it’s a Horror, the very best kind of Horror. A story where the audience is betrayed. The hero that was talked up, named in the show’s title, and introduced as a good man...he does a terrible thing, and it all spirals from there. Leaving the audience stranded, unsure if they’re supposed to still root for him. Not to mention how well this play dives into the psychology of murder. How it changes a person forever, once they’ve done something like that and have to live with it. Macbeth was an ordinary man. He didn’t want to kill Duncan for any personal reason or grudge, it was just because of the obvious reason: Power. He wanted the throne. Sure, every man wants to be king, but once the Witches made it seen attainable, once Lady Macbeth painted that picture in his mind...he made his choice. And it’s so important that he’s ordinary because anyone could fall into that kind of trap. Not to get dark for a second but like...a lot of us have people in our lives who we would probably be better off if they weren’t around. And we probably have at least one person who we could kill and probably get away with it. The monster in the back of the human mind. That is what Macbeth is all about. I know the “Out, damn spot” scene is iconic, but it really demonstrates how different people would respond to trauma in different ways. Then there’s Banquo, who basically figures out the truth but can do nothing about it other than wait for Macbeth to realize he’s a loose end. The mystery of the “third” murderer...and I’ve written essays about who that might have been, too. The hubris of Macbeth not to realize how the witches words could be twisted. I also grew so, so attached to Macduff. The poor guy lost everything, and he was the one who spearheaded the rebellion, and ultimately killed Macbeth. Reading it as a kid, not understanding the line of succession, I remember being so annoyed that he wasn’t made King at the end, because he totally deserved it. Also, as someone else who was, “from my mother’s womb, untimely ripped” I consider Macduff a kindred spirit.