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gamchawizzy · 4 months

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❗️Mutual Aid Needed🦐

Hello hello, I am Woz, I am a trans guy from the global south, and outside of my day job in corporate, I am an artist. I am the breadwinner of my family, and I also get my younger sibling through school.

For a little more than half a decade I have been suffering with bad mental health and suicidal thoughts, on top of trying to keep my family afloat with what I can earn.

I work two jobs to earn money, on top of tabling at conventions to be able to earn extra on the side. I am the one who pays all the house bills, some groceries, often having to send money to my sibling for school and sometimes tuition. Due to the constant pressure from overworking and the abusive social environment I have been exposed to for the longest time, I am now experiencing bodily pains, shortness of breath, headaches, worsening eyesight, and worsened depression as I clock in 10-15 hours almost daily (including weekends and holidays) trying to make ends meet.

I’m humbly asking for your help so I can get proper healthcare, which has been out of my reach for the longest time due to poverty. I was hoping to be able to afford help a few years ago, as soon as I got a job, but ever since the pandemic, the local price hikes just kept going, and going, until the matter was off the table entirely. The biggest reason why I am trying to get this moving now and as urgently as possible is so I can still receive treatment while I am still mentally and physically able to take charge of my own health.

While I’m still more or less able to function well enough to work, I recently escaped an abusive situation, which was one of the biggest causes of my misery. The fallout from this event brought on a severe impact on my mental health and I was subject to a cult-like shunning by my old community. This has caused me to develop suicidal thoughts again, which eventually led to several self-delete attempts, the latest of which almost succeeded had I not been caught at literally the last second.

At the moment I am stable again and in the hands of trusted loved ones, but I still do not have access to professional help and I don’t know how long this stability will last and the next thing might cause me to spiral again.

We already did some research on getting local help and have a plan in motion, all we need now is the funds to carry it out. The bulk of it will be for the initial consultations and possibly medication, and we’re hoping to have enough to get the ball rolling for a couple months’ worth of treatment as I get myself back on track.

The initial process will be the most expensive as I am suspecting to have an undiagnosed condition that I would like to have checked, as well as possible medication. I do not have a disability ID yet (but I plan on getting one once I get a dx on paper), so we may have to pay full price for initial treatments.

Currently, my primary goal for this would be to achieve psychiatric help, diagnosis, medication, and therapy.

If I’m able to save up for a few months of maintenance and still have extra left over, my secondary goal would be to finally get my knees checked, as I have chronic pain and the occasional kneecap dislocation in them. This has been left unchecked for more than 15 years due to both poverty as well as being outright denied healthcare by the adults around me due to them downplaying the problem. I am nearing my 30s soon. While I’m still able to walk and engage in physical activities without the use of mobility aids, I fear that the complications from this condition if left untreated will only take a turn for the worse as I age.

Direct ways to support me:

Paypal:

Ko-Fi:

I have prints! You can pick up some of my art here:

We do not have a set price goal in mind as it will be a months-long process of beginning treatment and maintaining it, but rest assured all funds received will be set aside for the purpose of my healthcare and well-being only.

I still cannot escape many factors of my life that continue to hurt me, but I am hoping that continuous treatment, therapy, and support will help keep me going so I can keep my family fed without me having to worry about my own health.

Any donation, big or small, helps me so much! Even just a dollar/peso helps, shares and reblogs too! PH Moots, feel free to ask for my GCash in private!

Thank you all for reading! I’m always grateful 😭🙏❤

#mutual aid #mutual assistance #reblogs appreciated!! anything helps 🥺#No deadline on this - we are hoping to start as soon as March/April but happy to keep receiving donos 😭#so sorry about all this but yeah it is a big reason why i haven't been drawing outside of work nowadays. so many Bad things added up

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atwas-meme-ing · 9 months

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HEY ALL!!! If you haven't heard, Unity is gonna start charging devs 20 cents per download. Not per sale, but PER DOWNLOAD. This applies to not only big-name games like Hollow Knight and Ori, but also smaller projects that might be free. This includes mobile games made with Unity, Undertale fan games like Undertale Yellow and Deltatraveler, and also, get this: Murder of Sonic! It was made in Unity, and so far, it's still free, but Sega's gonna hafta start charging for it sooner or later- IF they don't decide to take it down completely.

So, on this note, I have 2 things to say:

Get your favorite games NOW. Some devs, like Team Cherry, are talking about "taking their games down" (so much for Silksong- thanks A LOT, Unity!!!). I don't know if that means you'll still be able to play these games- like on Steam, for instance- if you already have them downloaded.

Please, please, PLEASE, support those games that are made with Unity. 20 cents adds up when there's a million downloads, and if it's like a mobile game, where people don't necessarily have to pay for it, that's going to COST the devs money- a LOT of money. I know we all hate the paywalls and "pay-to-win" schemes in mobile games, but let's be real- crap like this Unity thing are the whole reason those paywalls exist! These devs aren't doing this for free, they're trying to make a living! Even if you only spend $1, only 1 time, that is STILL going to be an 80 cent profit over the new Unity costs, and maybe, just maybe, give some game devs enough incentive to keep the game around.

I know Unity has a bad rep because it's easy to use and allows devs to release games that control poorly because you don't have to be good at coding to do it (*cough* Guardian of Lore *cough*). That's why I haven't used Unity, despite having several game ideas in my head, because I don't know how to code (yet), and I didn't want to release a game like that- and now I never will use Unity. But games like all the ones I've mentioned are proof that Unity CAN be used for good games, in the right hands. So please, if you love a game made with Unity, please support it, so the game doesn't go away. Don't send the devs into bankruptcy just because Unity is a money-grubbing so-and-so.

(Oh, I should also mention, for browser-based games, apparently this "per download" thing also includes "per BROWSER REFRESH". So, yeah, please don't blame the devs, support the devs and blame Unity.)

EDIT: It's not quite as bad as I'd thought. I knew Unity had a threshold, but I thought it was an either/or thing- either a certain number of downloads, or a certain amount of money made from a game. And, it's not, it's both.

So free games (like Murder of Sonic) apparently won't be affected.

Here's their pricing schedule once the threshold is met:

It still adds up for the smaller projects, with Unity taking all or most of the revenue from smaller games.

And one thing that's still bothering me: the install threshold is "life to date" and Unity is charging per install over the threshold. So, if a game's been around for years and had a million downloads and has made 200,000 dollars in the last year, they're gonna end up paying that 200,000 all at once.

At least, that's what I'm reading.

So, ok, I was wrong. Free projects won't be affected. But this is still awful, especially when it's first starting out.

EDIT 2 (2023-09-23): They've lessened the fees:

youtube

I'm still not using them. They never had a good reputation- I mean, there's good Unity games, but there's also a lot of bad ones because people can just release games with Unity with no coding experience. I want to make games someday, but I want them to be a good quality, so I'm waiting until I can actually figure out C++ (heck, I'm still wading through HTML, I'm nowhere near real programming languages). As long as I have to learn coding to make something good, I might as well find an engine that I can trust. I hear a lot about Godot. I also think I'll want to look at Monogame, because Monogame was used to make Axiom Verge and Celeste, and it's apparently based on the defunct XNA that was used to make Stardew Valley. Or I'll find something else. But not Unity. I just don't trust them.

#unity #unity engine #unity3d #game design #game development #indie game development #murder of sonic the hedgehog #hollow knight #ori #undertale fan games #deltatraveler #undertale yellow #Youtube

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yuri-is-online · 5 months

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Back with some more thought experiments! This time, let’s talk about the actual worldbuilding of Twisted Wonderland. I mean, this is a completely separate world where fairytales and fantastical things actually exist. It’s functionally impossible for Twisted Wonderland to just be Earth plus some Disney sprinkled on top.

The biggest point that really gets me is that fact that methods to foresee the future exist. Astrology is a valid class in NRC and Yuu suffers from plot convenient prophetic visions. The mere idea that the future can be foreseen should have huge ramifications on how businesses and governments operate. Imagine knowing the effect of a deal or policy before it even happens. Or minimizing crisis by knowing about it before it strikes.

Magic should also affect technological development. We know that there was an age before magic was widespread among humans, thanks to Trein in GloMas. In that sense, I can see how up to a point technological development may be similar… but post-magic the technology should be different due to a different set of limitations.

Language is also an interesting topic. Setting aside things that humans probably can’t event speak like the Fae languages seen in game, what of the languages used in Twisted Wonderland? Would they be similar to Earth as a result of the Disney movies used to create its history? Does that explain why Rook speaks French?

This isn’t accounting for religion either. The Age of the Gods is a thing, drawing from the Hercules movie. That would mean that the Greek gods actually exist in Twisted Wonderland. So how did they fall out of worship? I mean, only Hades seems to be recognized anymore due to the Great Seven, and not even in a religious way.

Look, I’m going to hit the character count if I keep trying to list all of my questions. This is just all so fascinating! And true to my fixation on Yuu, this is all great content for exploring just how alien Twisted Wonderland must feel. Like, Yuu should honestly ask more questions. I don’t buy how easily they adapted in the game.

- 🦐

*cracks knuckles* Shrimp you have brought up stuff I've been thinking about for a hot second, I'm so glad you have come into my inbox ( ๑ ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و ♡

I agree that I don't think Yuu would have adjusted as easily as they are depicted to in game, but this is a mobile app gacha game licensed by Disney so it's not going to focus as much on stuff like that. Luckily that's what we're here to do anyway~ I am going to go through these points one by one.

Point One: Astrology

The most we learn about how fortune telling works in game is from the Scalding Sands hometown event. There is an exchange between Cater, Trey, and Jamil about using coffee grinds to tell fortunes, and Trey specifically says something I think is interesting: we get two really interesting lines:

From what's said here we can tell two things: A) there is a distinct difference between types of fortunes and B) a distinct difference in the quality of fortune tellers. Someone like Cater is correct most of the time with his divination, but not everyone will be making actively relying on it for major decisions. I could absolutely see older kingdoms having a seer employed who a ruler could call on for supernatural advice, but I don't think that would be common practice in modern day Wonderland outside of maybe Briar Valley. Besides, just because you know something bad will happen doesn't mean you will be able to efficiently mobilize your forces in time to make a meaningful difference.

Speaking of which, not to touch on spoilers too much but Leven seems to be implied to posses the ability to actually clearly see the future, and as for Yuu's visions...

Well Lilia says he thought they might have a curse like Silver's (not that he knew why they were dizzy)... and the ability to see the future IS often handed out in Greek Myths as a curse, but well. Make of that what you will.

Point Two: Magi-Tech

The way technology works in Twisted Wonderland is a bit vague. From how Idia talks, I think there is a distinct difference between technology and magitechnology, with Idia specifically specializes in the latter. I actually went a really long time thinking that since Yuu hadn't a single trace of magic on them they wouldn't be able to ride a magi-wheel because of how Deuce talks about it syncing with your own magic and what not. Even magicless people in Twisted Wonderland don't seem to be completely magicless, they just don't have enough of a mana pool to actually cast a spell.

I think it would make sense to suggest magic and magitechnology probably affected Twisted Wonderland's development in the same way the silicone chip did ours, but the key difference would be that if you put too much magic into a device most humans can't use it. That would bring up a completely separate set of setbacks and issues... while there might not be a difference in the type of things built their internal construction would definitely be wildly different.

Part Three: Language

I think the easiest answer to this is yes. We know there is a "common" language that most places now use... I like to headcannon that language as being unique to Twisted Wonderland but I have seen some people think it is probably English. Which brings out my scrunchy face because the prevalence of English in our world is because of the British Empire... which never existed in Twisted Wonderland.

Rook speaks French because one of his favorite plays is set in Fleur City/the Shaftlands... which as a side note. In his Vampire card vignette he names the play that made him like Neige so much: Kingsroad~ The Sword to Become King!~ which is literally the Sword in the Stone based off of the little song he sings from it. I have been going crazy since GloMas thinking about if this suggests that King Arthur is french in Twisted Wonderland or if Rook is referring to another play... personally I think he's from Sage's Island but that's a crack for another post

Part Four: Greek Myths and Religion

There doesn't really seem to be any religious presence in Twisted Wonderland at all. It's unclear if Hades was ever worshiped or if he was just referred to as a god due to his perceived immortality and power. Given that there is something called the Jupiter group... and the Shrouds are a branch of the Jupiter family... AND that the Titans you fight in Chapter 6 are yelling about getting to and killing Jupiter... I think that it's highly likely there are events in Twisted Wonderland's history that correlate to the stories of the Great Seven, but didn't necessarily involve the Great Seven themselves. It's just that those events are remembered as having been done by them... for some unknown reason. Not to be conspiratorial... but do we have any proof they ever actually lived in Twisted Wonderland at all? (━＿━)ゝSure there are relics and things, and there are apparently paintings in the Land of Dawning Meusuem, but where did they come from? How old are they? I don't need sleep I need answers, is this a primary or a secondary source about the Queen of Hearts Riddle?

The End

I also wish Yuu would ask more questions, but I get why they don't :/ this is a gacha game blah blah blah but also. I don't think Yuu knows what questions to ask, there's a lot of stuff about life you don't think about as being abnormal until someone looks at you funny and I think Yuu realistically does a lot of that, but if you put every single instance of that into a game it would get very exposition heavy very fast. Luckily you, I, and everyone reading this have massive brains and can talk to each other about it!!!

#<3 asks #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst yuu #twst theories

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rin-and-jade · 1 month

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Welcome to the World! : A Starting Guide for Alters

This guide's purpose is to help either new formed/split, or those recently risen from dormancy, or the unregistered/unrecognized alters to get one step closer to functioning at the outside world!

It'll be one long rundown, click below to start right away, see you on the flip side.

From here on, what will be mentioned are things to assess some potential problems, questions, and self-discovery prompts. It is recommended to follow the flow of the guide, but if you necessarily need to skim to a certain section, this table of contents will help you:

table of contents

The beginning - Introduction

Things to look out for - potential problems to assess - Mobility - Gender & Species unalignment - World confusion

Starters - self discovery questions

How a system works - lite educative version

Closing - last notes + extra materials

The beginning

Nice to see you here, in the flip side! Now i know you have lots of questions on hand right now, and why you might be reading this as first thing's first; it's because i am here to help prepare yourself in many different aspects that cannot be learnt/figured out in such a short amount of time unless it is assisted with an experienced person.

If you haven't know what's going on up to this point, along with the kind of situation you're in, first off, you're a system.

Yes, thats right, system is a word for a collection of many parts within one body and you are also a part of it. This can mean you'll hear other kinds of accent inside head, and feeling + liking fully different things, as well as possessing different levels of certain skills and memory. More or less, this belongs to the qualities of a Complex Dissociative Disorder,, where there are types like DID, OSDD, Polyfragmented, etc.

This happens because of how dissociation can wall up barriers between other facets of yourself that stops some level of communication or complete it's integration when bad things happen in early years, leaving them mainly separated and self-autonomous; they're known as 'alters' but i personally love calling them as 'parts' or some might go with words like 'headmates' or 'facets' or even 'members'.

This isn't enough to explain the disorder itself, but i hope it suffices in explaining your situation! Feel free to check some extra system details if your gang has one, let's get to the next section.

Things to look out for

Just a quick warning and a reminder, if you are rather new or have not been actively out,, there is a high chance of having issues with limb coordination, control, and balancing. Other than that, the off-putting sensations you feel such as wrong type of species, height, gender, or even the world being foreign from how you perceive it can make things scary and overwhelming.

Fear not, as i also have the solutions for all these:

Handling poor mobility: First off, take a good moment to recognize your length of the arms, legs, learn the shape of your palm and fingers, and to every corners of your body. Start holding some simple objects like mugs or pens, remember how it feels to grab something with your fingers and gauge your grip strength, experimenting when you squeeze or loosen it. Then start interacting with the objects with both your hands, attempt to twirl it, or hold it in different positions and turns. You can also go for a test walk and sway all your joints to get a better picture of your movement range, practice makes perfect in easing your balance and momentum, it is normal to stub or be wobbly or clumsy at first, so take it easy okay?

To manage unalignment: It is hard to feel comfy if it is not the right height, especially for non-human aligned parts, so using props or any equipment or accessories can give you some sense of comfort (you can even walk on toes if you do need to feel a bit more tall, but don't over do this). Since fully eradicating this is impossible, doing anything in your power to lessen the discomfort is the best thing you can do,, there are also phantom limbs which basically means the extra body parts you identify with does not exist. This can be remedied by applying some gentle pressure to think that it is attached to your main body or use your imagination to satisfy that missing limb. for those not being aligned with the gender, if the body is feminine but you are masculine; try investing or search for a binder. If a binder is out of reach, wearing oversized, or baggy clothes, or hoodies will do the trick. And a boyish clothing style and short hair style if possible too. If its masculine in a feminine instead, using more girly oriented clothing style and do your nails, or any activities that affirms feminine aligned gender. I am very sure there are silicon chest pads but not in terms of where it is being sold at, so try to find them if it's available in your area. When neither and is androgynous instead, try searching for gender neutral clothes that are also neutral colored like grey/black/brown. There are many inspirations of this type of fashion so use the internet to gain inspirations on making your own androgyny look, you could even use make up to contour your shape of face. Now, for the ones who walk in hind-legs, get some platform heels/shoes/sandals/boots. You can find a flat one or the slanted one to match your needs. The idea is the slanted part of the shoe and the thick base gives an impression of canine/feline foot balance and for those who have hooves, respectively. (honestly, paw printed socks will do too, i hope) Lastly, to manage claws, or fangs, try using fake nail art of your color, or attach a fake vampire teeth guard, respectively. For symbolic means, you can even consume foods that are juicy and red, like meat cooked in medium,, or if you want the more vegan option: watermelons, or gummy that represents meat or grubs or just by being red to represent blood.

Getting used to the world Start learning how technology works--phone, laptop, kitchen tools, vehicle if any, and anything else that are often used. Make sure you practice enough to easily operate them, and learn how to use the internet and helpful plural apps or websites such as Lighthouse or start using Simply Plural. Try many foods to enhance culinary awareness, identify lots of other objects and the geography of your area to navigate and understand better. Touch many kinds of materials to train your sensory processes. You could also invest in watching shows and try a variety amount of activities to deepen your understanding of life. Explore different kinds of subject that you are particularly interested on, and lastly, never be afraid to do and try new things! This will guarantee you to seamlessly function with anything the world has to offer.

For starters - Self Discovery

Do you have a name?

do you what's your age?

What's your gender?

What are your pronouns?

Do you remember anything, and how much?

Do you seem to retain some past knowledge?

Can you describe what you look like? (Includes species)

Do you find the outside world familiar or foreign?

Can you state your bio name, family, or any important info?

Is it possible to describe yourself identity/vibe wise? (crucial part to tell apart fragments from splits and from holders that do not embody a personality)

What role could you fit as? (a host, protector, etc. Search for alter roles)

Do you like the outside world? Will you have a chance of being out more often? (to gauge how often one will front)

Have any likes and dislikes or preferences/hobbies?

For the bullet points you couldn't answer, take this as a sign to start searching! It will take some time, but you can ask help from anyone and even me when needed.

How a system works

A system works in communication (be it internal or external) and switches that also often have a specific trigger to call out someone else. Sometimes, though not a must, will have an innerworld that facilitates as a place for everyone to meet and interact.

These things are crucial for cooperation, because you'll definitely need that in order to navigate the world and adapt accordingly.

Communication

There are many kinds of communication styles, sometimes a mix of some or have all of the above,, whatever style you have, make sure to use it to the maximum. There are: via images, via abstract vibes, via emotions, or via direct (verbal) internal thoughts. Some do not have any internal communication, so external ones would be things such as keeping notes or write in a diary or any app for text editing.

Keep in mind that the clarity of communication fluctuates due to various factors, stress as one of them. So it is important to know that it will not work in a constant 100% at all times, use this awareness to strategize if, somehow, you have lost contact with the others.

Trigger & Switches

It is something that elicits a feeling that belongs to a part, which in return, can 'wake' or call one to co-con or front. There are negative and positive charged triggers, and i suggest you to explore what are your potential triggers.

The relationship with trigger and switches is, depending on how strong it is, can cause a switch to happen, where you will be swapped out by another one who got 'called' upon. This mechanism is for adapting to different kinds of situations, and these certain triggers are the key to ensuring the right part handle it's respective job as needed.

Switches can be very subtle, or slow, or obvious, or in a snap. This fully depends on how your system is made to handle problems on hand or when in stress, as sometimes it can cause rapid-switching, or the opposite, being stuck or locked in front. Sometimes, they also cause physical symptoms.

System terms - Basics

Fronting - the alter who has full control of the body, and performing tasks. Co-front - the alter, who have awareness between the outside and inside world, as well as able to control the body though not as complete as the fronter. Co-conscious - the alter who have awareness of the outside world, and spectates, and does not have any direct control of the body. Passive influence - when an alter's specific traits or likes/dislikes leaked to others and/or at front, that changes the initial reaction to be more blended with the other one. E.g. A like fries, B is there and likes spicy sauces. So now, A is craving to eat the fries with something spicy, even if A has no interest when it comes to spiciness or sauce.

For closing

Practice makes perfect, this is everything you need to know to hone your knowledge before finally stepping outside with complete freedom, where you can start anywhere you'd like, and to resume your collective's path to functionality and well-being. It's okay if things didn't go well at first try, and remember to reach out to people who you could trust as it'll help you progress faster!

I am aware that this guide still have a lot of room for improvement, so any requests or feedback will be added here for future viewers! This guide will be subjected to constant updates with even more sections being discussed on, or added touch of details. I will also add on my own posts here to serve as additional knowledge that is related to this topic:

Types of amnesia

Are you a Shard, Fragment, or Alter

Types of subsystems

Front-stuck, and how to deal with it

Physical switches

Comorbidity

Being blurry

Starters to system foundations

How comorbidity affects plurals (ADHD & Autism)

Dealing with the sense of faking

The person who needs to give their back a break, - j

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #sysblr #plural #system stuff #jeducates #jsaid

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xjulixred45x · 8 months

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Suguru Geto x Disabled! Reader

Sinopsis: Geto's S/o is a Disabled Non-Sorcerer

Reader: Neutral/Female

Genre: Headcanons

Warnings:small divergence from Canon at the end, friends to lovers, soft Geto, Reader is DISABLED (Which type of disability will not be specified, but it is one that makes mobility difficult, which could be using crutches, lack of limbs, wheelchair, etc. I will try to be vague about it, to cover as much as possible), Reader gets to receive BULLYING (NOT FROM GETO! Japanese society is considered very inclusive and everything, but people with disabilities don't have a very good time), some Soft yandere Geto? More like how he would act if something like that really happens in canon, Angst with Fluff. LONG POST

okay, I figured that you and Geto could probably be either 1- neighbors or 2- having gone to the same school (before being a Sorcerer obviously).

Be that as it may, Geto has known you for a long time, since you were young he remembers to give you a hand when you couldn't on your own (whether pushing your wheelchair/reaching for your crutches).

He always felt that he naturally gravitated towards you, he thought it was because of his belief that Non-Sorcerers needed protection, and in your case it was more serious, because of your disability, he felt that he had to take care of you.

but he soon realized that that wasn't really the reason, because despite your cadences, you were really capable, you were smart, creative, you had a good academic and even motor level, so he felt calmer in some way, knowing that he wanted to be with you to Bc of YOU in general.

Thus a beautiful friendship was born.

Geto was a very fun friend to have around, especially because, in general, he was very attentive so that you didn't feel left out.

It was like that even when they were little, if there was a game where you couldn't play, he would change it so you could be in it too. Translated to today, if he saw that his teammates were leaving you aside, he would intervene to assert yourself.

God forbid someone made a bad comment about your disability around him☠️

Geto didn't tolerate that shit.

For the same reason, when he went to Jujustu High, he was a little worried that you didn't have anyone who had as much experience helping you as he did, although at that moment you reassured him and wished him luck in his "new school".

...yes, at first you didn't really know what Jujutsu High was, you always had the feeling that Geto had certain strange qualities, but you just thought he was eccentric.

(Geto definitely ate several curses that tried to get closer to you or your home over the years)

Although Geto helped you with what you will need, he also wanted you to do things on your own so that you could have more capacity and generally feel more "normal" so to speak. obviously things that wouldn't make you uncomfortable.

That's why you had a lot of confidence in yourself, even when he left, it was another reason why I thought you would be fine without him. that someone else might be able to take care of you.

and at first, everything seemed to be going well! You continued going to high school, getting weekly updates from Geto (whether in person or via text), and everything felt almost unchanged. except that...

You realized that, apart from Geto, no one else dared to talk to you now. It wasn't even because you didn't try, people saw you (with a strange expression) and said goodbye immediately.

and you tried MANY times, again, and again, and again, and again, but always the same, they saw you and walked away in a hurry, with that expression on their faces.

That was your story during the first part of the year, where you also identified the feeling behind those faces.

disgust.

"It's normal" they used to say when you complained to someone "if you can't keep up with others, they'll leave you behind or you'll isolate yourself, you're not trying hard enough."

That just made you feel worse obviously.

but you didn't dare to share that part with Geto, not when you saw each other and he was so happy to see you and tell you about his classmates (normal classmates, apparently), especially a "Satoru" who always appeared in his anecdotes, it was nice to see him this happy.

You didn't dare to break his bubble with your "meaningless problems" so you only talked about the academic part and things at home, and he believed it.

In a way, these outings were what helped you stay sane, because the loneliness of the first year was overwhelming.

but the second year was worse. much worse.

They already knew that you wouldn't do much against isolation, so they took a step further, aggression.

At first they were typical comments from someone ignorant (not necessarily malicious) but they escalated to hurtful jokes and more unpleasant comments as time went by.

although at least one or two people took pity on your situation and started helping you when you had problems with your disability (previously, most of the time only teachers did it). and you talked about them as "friends" (although they were barely acquaintances) when you hung out with Geto, thus managing to elude his radars for another year.

that's what you thought, Although Geto began to notice certain changes in your attitude in the second year, he thought that maybe these "friends" could be toxic friends, which made him ask you out more often.

You even got to meet his teammates! Satoru and Shoko. Although you felt that they were leaving some things... out of the conversations, they were fun, especially Gojo, you understood why Geto was so delighted with him.

Even at one point when Geto left them alone with you, they continued talking to you about the most normal things, even joking that Geto talked about you every now and then at school, as if they were insinuating something...

but Geto returned before they continued with that.

Does anyone remember that scene where Geto and Gojo are riding a bike together? They'd probably try that on you, with a LOT of precautions Obviously, but you'll get it done somehow (is this even physically possible? Don't ask) and WOW it's almost like flying.

this would happen a couple more times in the second year, while you weren't even HALF as close to Shoko and Gojo as Geto, they were definitely good people that you enjoyed hanging out with. almost friends, so to speak.

While things at your own school weren't getting better, but at least they weren't trying anything besides verbal bullying, a part of you feels like you should have expected it.

Your family was not happy about this, they were much more aware of your situation, but since there was no physical damage, they couldn't do much, and you didn't want to waste their time.

The bullying would continue even if you changed schools, you knew it. they knew it.

At least you still had Geto and that helped you cope with everything.

That was until the third year, where everything went to hell.

That was the first thing Geto noticed.

He decided to be honest with what he did at Jujutsu High, even if he didn't give all the information, now everything made MUCH more sense, it's the first thing you remember from that year.

The third year was a blur, what started as typical school bullying turned into direct physical violence and more direct grievances.

hide your things, throw them in the trash, shake you and pull your hair, make rounds to push you, pinch you until you cry, hit you with a ruler-

Everything escalated so quickly that your family decided halfway through the year that you would no longer go to school, but instead study at home.

How so, you never told Geto this, mostly because you only let him tell how he was doing lately and if he asked, you would just tell him some family drama story.

This time he didn't buy it from you.

And to make matters worse, your relatives accidentally spilled the beans on HIS parents.

There was no escape, you had to tell him.

and surprisingly he wasn't mad at you. not at all.

Rather, he was angry that he didn't ask more deeply, knowing that there were holes in your story, and maybe help you through the whole process.

but he settled for comforting you and giving you a hand now that you would be more within reach than before.

If your family had some business to attend to and couldn't take care of you, Geto would offer. Obviously they were skeptical at first, but they realized very quickly that there was nothing to worry about.

Those days it would practically just be the two of you doing things like kids your age, playing some games, watching trash TV, taking a break from the outside world.

Geto also ends up learning even more about your condition to be able to take better care of yourself these days, although he believes that it is best to ask your family for advice since they are the ones who interact with you the most during the day and know best how to treat your specific case.

Although you also care a lot about him, even if you don't fully understand his "job", you don't want him to neglect taking care of you.

You only make him fall even harder, honestly.

If you are even an "unofficial couple" at this point, Geto is very careful with you, in the sense that he does not want the world of Jujustu to reach you in some way.

Maybe that's why he doesn't share much of what he does in Jujutsu High, not only because technically he shouldn't, but because he feels that if he tells you EVERYTHING he would be tarnishing you in some way - it's just that you're so friendly and cute! He wants to keep you always like that!

Then, when he is spiraling down, you are the first to notice and try to talk to him, but at first he seems to avoid you :(

Maybe it doesn't last long (maybe a week) before he comes back (practically running) and apologizes for it, he just can't handle seeing you hurt because of him :'(

He also continues to show worrying behavior, when he talks about the Non-Sorcerer for example, you can see the HATE in his eyes when he talks about them, saying frankly creepy things, only to completely turn around and say that it doesn't include you, you're different, you are good.

You try to talk to Shoko and Gojo but you don't have their contacts, and you honestly don't know if it's a good idea to ask Geto for them in his current state.

and one day... it just happens, the last straw.

and Geto disappears for a time, a time that seems eternal.

and the last thing you remember about it is already being in the cult. without having an idea of how or when, but you were already there.

but...do you feel strangely safe?

As You could, you leave the comfortable room that you wake up and search for any clue that tell you what they hell just happen.

Your family is also with you, but unlike you, they are much more bewildered by the whole situation. Everyone is dressed in strange clothes, well, except for you, you have clothes quite similar to what you wear at home.

When you least realize it, Geto is with you, by your side, asking how you feel (as if he hadn't just fucking kidnapped you all), he's different, you notice, he's much calmer.

although he looks noticeably more irritated when talking to your family (he even goes so far as to call them "monkeys").

and basically explains to them WHY they are all here.

You are an exception to his rule, and your family can stay as long as they take care of you (because he wouldn't even let some stranger or "monkey" take care of your condition).

You don't understand much of what he's talking about, but that seems to be his intention. and is again incredibly gentle when addressing you.

Being with Geto is a delight, even when he's evil, you know he's up to no good, but there's little you can do to stop him. So you do what anyone would do, accept their advantageous situation.

Besides, it's not bad at all.

Geto introduces you to the family, who although they were VERY skeptical of you at first, grew fonder of you much faster than they want to admit.

Except for the twins, they already had you in high regard because of how Geto talked about you.

Now that he has the resources, rest assured that he will get you things to make your condition more manageable (if he doesn't get some Sorcerer who can alleviate the symptoms, but he will still get them for you just in case)

YOU. ARE. SPOILED. ROTTEN. It's not even fun now, before young Geto would have done anything so you could stand on your own or walk towards him, but nowadays it seems like he doesn't even want you to move a muscle. Just stay on his lap and let him pamper you.

That's another thing, it becomes considerably more Clingy. He respect if you don't want to have contact due to sensory overload, but the man is literally SHAKEING when he can't even give you 3 hugs.

You also become more chubby, he insist that you should eat more to be more healty(Even insist on spoon feed you if youre having a Bad day). Maybe he just don't want to see you in a sickly state like in the School days(he still has a Little guilty for that).

Don't misunderstand, if you want to improve your condition, Geto will give you all his support (and that of the family alongside yours, they are your cheerleaders🤣), any progress is an achievement.

Do you know those videos of paraplegic brides who walk to the altar (even if it's with a support)? If you do that with Geto (whether the evil one or Teacher) he will most likely start crying (from happiness and pure love)

Your family went from = completely approving to = HATING HIM WITH ALL THEIR SOUL. Geto is the same, but he realized that it would put you in a bad mood if he referred to them as "monkeys" (at least in front of you), so they made a "Cold War" pact, they only say things to each other when you are not close.

Like:

*You:Go shopping with the twins*

Geto:(make sure youre gone)MONKEYS

Your family: INSANE, LUNATIC, UGLY, KYS--

if we're talking about an AU where Geto doesn't turn evil (aka, free therapy) IT'S ALL FLUFF.

Mimiko and Nanako LOVES YOU!(independent of the AU) and will definitely defend you from any idiot who thinks making fun of you is "fun"

(in canon no one would even dare to look the wrong way in your direction thanks to Geto's protection)

In general he is much more open to letting you do things.

He is still cuddly, but at a "normal" level so to speak, he can die at any moment despite being (along with Satoru) the strongest, so he greatly appreciates the moments with you and the girls.

He often goes with you with Shoko, who becomes something of a close friend of the family.

Gojo makes many many MANY "lovebird" jokes when the two of you are around, or when Geto calls you to check on you, you can hear Gojo mockingly affectionately.

"I'm going to get you a divorce lawyer for your birthday.""fuck you Satoru"

In general, Geto sees you as someone precious, and that your disability (apart from not preventing you from being a capable person) only highlights your soft and friendly personality despite everything, how you approach life, sincerely he just wants to take care of you.

He loves you very much regardless of your abilities.

Shares, reblogs, and comments are very welcome!

#headcanons #fem reader #neutral reader #jjk x y/n #jjk fanfic #jjk geto #jujutsu kaisen geto #jujutsu no kaisen #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu geto #geto x reader #getou suguru x reader #jjk #jjk x reader #geto suguru #disabled #disabled reader

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otdderamin · 1 year

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Fiction C2 Post-Campaign Essek’s Mobility Aid

I appreciate that Matt didn’t want to make Essek disabled and fall into the disabled villain trope, but as a disabled person I love the idea that Essek’s floating is a disability aid and that ableism played a role in isolating him and pushing him into over-achieving at all costs. Essek’s such a complex character, I don’t think he falls into simple tropes like that.

Story

After Essek goes on the lam, he often has to walk without magic. He was partly lying about floating being a trick he got stuck with as an expectation. It was also that, but the real reason he learned to do it was the debilitating joint pain he developed in early adolescence. Having to walk again rapidly exacerbates it again, with an extra century of age on top.

He tries to keep it to himself since he was accused of faking it as a kid, punished for it, pushed harder, or excluded for not keeping up. Especially compared to his athletic brother. The doubt in his overall ability was one of the things that had pushed him so hard to prove himself at every turn, and ultimately led him to some really awful behavior he didn’t want to return to. But eventually, it becomes so debilitating he can't hide it. At least not from Caleb.

He'd get to Caleb’s house and more than anything just need to sit down and rest. The pain was cascading into general nerve pain that made all touch into an over-stimulated agony. A silent internal war from nerves that want no sensation, and a heart that wanted the soothing grounding of being held by this man who somehow loves him so deeply. But the pain in his face and the flinching he can’t stop eventually give him away.

Caleb is gentle with him and understanding. He opens up about the torture Trent put him through with the embedded residuum. Going to class with long sleeves pretending to be fine when he could barely hold a pen. Sometimes the scars still have a stabbing ache. How lonely it was when touch of the only people who knew and cared was too much. They talk about inadequate pain scales. There is comfort in that shared understanding.

They brainstorm what Essek could do. On the road alone he can still float. It's cities that are the problem. For his safety he already tries to stick to solitary remote research but supplies and contacts are always needed. They consider different mobility devices. Essek's only hesitation is that the ones that meet his needs would be expensive, custom, and distinctive, making them more identifiable even as he changes disguises and personas and could give him away. The same reasons why he's had to give up the sleek and fashionable clothes he loves for plainer ones people don't notice.

That leads them to the idea of modifying Essek's floating magic to essentially function like a series of braces. He could still look like he's walking without aid, but the magic would take the actual weight off his joints. It proves trickier than just floating, with more concentration and more exhaustion, but it’s harder to detect and easier to disguise to keep his cover. It’s harder to keep his balance this way and does find a plain cane makes it much easier, even if it rarely supports his weight to protect his arms.

Caleb asks for Essek's help with a second kind of slower cover. Now that he knows the floating was a mobility aid, can Essek teach it to him so that Caleb can teach it to his disabled students and others in the community? It could help many of them with quality of life (especially the Academy's inaccessible buildings). And over time if they teach the technique and encourage it to be retaught, it will be less unique and identifiable. One day it will be safe for Essek to float in public again, and he'll get his best mobility tool back.

Slowly things get easier. Essek is able to travel more easily again with fewer bad pain days and come back to the house of green beans without wanting to collapse. The brace magic gets easier for him to manage over time. It’s still a little easier to use a cane, but he can forego it for short periods if he needs the extra stealth. Caleb and Essek teach both the floating and the bracing and find each works for different disabilities and injuries better. It takes some decades for it to be widespread, but his floating technique is eventually widespread enough as a mobility tool that it’s safe to use. While he still prefers floating, he uses both with different personas to throw off the trail.

Every time he comes across another disabled person using this magic he developed in his room, alone in pain and trying to hide through an impressive trick, and now commonplace, it’s a reminder that for all the lives he hurt causing the war, there are now many others his magic has helped to live fuller more accessible lives. And that is a great comfort through the rest of his life.

#critical role #critical role fanfiction #Essek Thelyss #Caleb Widogast #Shadowgast #Disability #Disability Fanfiction #fanfiction #critical role C2 post-campaign

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an-spideog · 4 months

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this is a more general question that may have been asked before, but do you know of any resources or combination of that would help with learning in a similar way to duolingo? the easy access, repetition, and spoken word was extremely helpful with the beginnings of russian, italian, & irish for me but then they fucked everything up

Sorry for the delay on this one, I don't really have a good answer for you. In general there's a lack of high quality resources available for Irish. I made a post talking about why not to use duolingo and what you can use instead, but they're not really equivalents as much as other paths.

I'm not aware of any good apps which provide comprehensive teaching of Irish along with good pronunciation, but some of the stuff in that post may be helpful.

Oh this is gonna sound like such cheesy self promo but honestly I forgot I made this until someone reminded me of it today lmao. I made an anki flashcard deck for Irish, it features nearly 1000 of the most common words in Irish, if you like flashcards and anki you might find this helpful since it does have the repetition and the spoken word aspects (and unlike duolingo it has recordings of native speakers, not their bad TTS).

Anki is kind of annoying to use for some people, it's a bit confusing and has some setup time, but it's really powerful and can be really good for helping you get that initial vocabulary to move on to watching tv and reading books. (Also you can use it on mobile, the iOS app is expensive but the website works fine on phones).

For this deck I picked the words from a dataset of TV subtitles, so the words are actually common in everyday speech (I've seen a lot of Irish word frequency lists which just don't line up with speech), and it has recordings of each word along with definitions, example sentences and recordings of the example sentence. I also ordered the deck in such a way that the simplest example sentences are near the start and you should be able to understand the examples sentences (mostly) with only the words you've done up to that point.

The deck specifically uses Galway Irish, which I don't actually speak myself, but it's more common on the tv show Ros na Rún (and a lot of Irish TV in general), so it was easier to get clips of it.

There's a load more notes about how I made it on the deck page

#gaeilge #irish language #gaelainn #learning irish #resources #making this deck involved like 3 months a spreadsheet and a lot of artisanal sentence picking

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sightkeeper · 6 months

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I stumbled into Chosen Faces recently and I think you tell an exceptionally high-quality story - thank you for sharing it. The premise of Aziraphale being a non-angelic eldritch being seems rare in Good Omens fanfiction, and you built an impressive supporting world around it - rather than just plopping some tentacles into the original story. I am also impressed your characters retain their main attributes despite the darker and weirder tone.

I was wondering - why did you choose a non-angelic eldritch Aziraphale, not a non-demonic eldritch Crowley? Of the few edritch fanfics I know of, I have never seen a non-demonic eldritch Crowley - is it because an eldritch angel feels more disturbing?

Very sorry to reply to this so late - mobile is very bad at displaying when there's new asks!

I'm quite happy that you're enjoying the story! The reason I had the story go as I did was for a couple reasons:

1) I tend to fixate on Aziraphale more, and I enjoy stories from his viewpoint because I think his moral struggle is very interesting.

2) I started this story during lockdown, and I really wanted to work on a story where someone who had every reason to be callous and monstrous instead learned and chose to be kind instead.

As for why other people tend to do the same, I couldn't tell you! Other than sweet and harmless looking things being terrifying is great fun!

#asks #Ran Writes #whoiscrowley10000 #chosen faces au #I love answering questions c'mon mobile why don't you just ping like direct messages do

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headpainmigraine · 5 months

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The "discourse" after the arm scene in the Falcon and the Winter Soldier just really drove in the point that able-bodied people really will gleefully violate the autonomy of disabled people, and amputees, if they think they "deserve it"

Yeah, of course you can be punished for not being a good cripple by having your limb removed.

They think it's okay to remove a cripple's prosthetic if:

they betrayed a friend

they hurt someone's feelings

they need reminding that they OWE A DEBT

they get in a fight

they scare someone else

they have mental health issues that might make them unstable

the prosthetic could be a "potential weapon", you know, like a normal person's fist, or a toy gun

the manufacturing company doesn't agree with how you're using the prosthetic, or your morals, or your lifestyle

the cripple is using it for "questionable purposes" - you know, using their arm or leg or hand or foot or any other prosthesis for "questionable purposes"

they're in the way

you have emotional trauma

lol, if they're a threat to your precious government, sorry, I can't do this anymore

But no worries, it's fine to remove someone else's limb as long as you don't take it with you!

Also, the prosthetic belongs to whoever made it, not the user, and so the manufacturer can remove it and take it back whenever they want and that's a good and reasonable thing (doctors agree!)

It's difficult to make an artificial limb, the materials cost a lot of money, they DESERVE to take the prosthetic back if they feel like it because they OWN it. They worked hard to engineer it, they earned that.

(Forget, as well, that not all amputees or people with limb differences even WANT a prosthetic. Medical professionals always push 'looking normal' over 'feeling comfortable' and 'being able to do things'. Oh no, how will they be punished now!)

Also, people with prosthetics can never, EVER, criticise the company, medical professionals, or the government, or they forfeit their limb.

Only GOOD Cripples Deserve Prosthetics!

Removing someone's limb is a perfectly normal and fine reaction to them being a dick, or if you just don't like them as a person.

I also like ableds telling disabled people to "stop projecting onto Bucky!" like these people don't want representation in the media for themselves.

This is why we need cripplepunk.

Able-bodied people genuinely think the provision of and access to basic aids and assistance are linked to the moral quality of disabled people. That they SHOULD BE linked.

They really think "bad" disabled people are being punished, or should be punished by having their mobility removed.

They really believe a disabled person who isn't "good" doesn't deserve autonomy or assistance or fucking prosthetics.

These people can't even see why it's wrong when they see it happening right in front of them on fucking TV.

#cripplepunk #prosthetics #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws #bucky barnes #ableism #yeah this again #i'll stop being angry when people stop being ableist

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quicksilverster · 1 year

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[😇] crashing ❈ yoon jeonghan

⋆⑅˚₊✎ prompt(s): crashing by illenium, bahari

⋆⑅˚₊✎ genres: a whole lotta fluff, a bit of angst, acquaintances-to-lovers!au, college!au, roommate!au.

⋆⑅˚₊✎ description: Five times Jeonghan crashes at Yejin’s apartment, and the one time she crashes at his.

⋆⑅˚₊✎ warning(s): mentions of alcohol

⋆⑅˚₊✎ pairing(s): yoon jeonghan x kang yejin

⋆⑅˚₊✎ word count: 3.4k words

⋆⑅˚₊✎ a/n: A fic I turned into a short story and into a fic again because I recently got back into SEVENTEEN. This is old, 2021-early 2022 writing, but I’m going to post it anyway because it wasn’t that bad (IMO) + I like this story. (i also apologize for the banner quality cuz it's been literal years since i made one for a kpop dude)

one.

The first time Jeonghan crashed at her place, Yejin was alone in her apartment, working on her essay.

Her roommate Aera wasn’t home; she was at a party or club somewhere, getting drunk and dancing her limbs off. Yejin could practically see her limping the next morning, the product of a crushed foot. She was alone in her room, sipping from a mug of warm tea as she added words in Times New Romans font onto her document. The only source of light in the room made its presence known through the glaring screen in front of her, illuminating her worn face. Melodies from her Spotify window and the clacking noise from her fingers drumming the keys were the only sounds in the room, accompanied by Yejin’s tired breathing. She leaned against the back of her chair with exhaustion, her brain fried like a skillet.

Yejin was jolted out of her reverie when the sharp rapping of knuckles against her front door resonated into her ears. Aera usually arrived home after 2 a.m. during one of these crazy social events, meaning the person at the door could not be her. The knocks were rather composed, too, given by one with a sober mind. Begrudgingly peeling her eyes away from the screen, Yejin slid her arctic feet into her fluffy slippers and headed to the front door. Gripping the door handle tightly, she swung it open to meet a familiar face, a smile frozen across his face as a result of the wintry atmosphere outside.

“It’s 11 p.m., why are you still awake?” Jeonghan bustled into the apartment chattering like a mother hen. He scrutinized her fluffy lavender pajamas and wide eyes behind her glinting spectacles. “I understand that you have work and stuff, but sleep is important as well.”

Yejin blinked blankly, watching Jeonghan tut over her apartment with a watchful eye, and dropped an overnight bag on her couch. “Um,” she managed after a few flummoxed seconds. “Uh, what are you doing here?”

“Aera sent me here,” he shrugged, carding his messy locks back. “She wanted me to make sure you’re doing your essay diligently instead of scrolling through Instagram or whatnot.”

“So you’re sleeping over?” Yejin raised a doubtful eyebrow.

Jeonghan scratched the back of his head. “Well, Aera said she might not be back until tomorrow morning, so she wants me to keep you company.”

Aera was currently dating Jeonghan’s best friend and roommate Seungcheol, so she was well acquainted with the young man in front of her. However, that didn’t mean she was entirely comfortable with the idea of him sleeping over in her apartment.

Jeonghan seemed to comprehend Yejin’s indecisive expression, for he placed his hands in the air. “I won’t do anything suspicious, I promise. Aera just doesn’t want you to be alone here.”

“Okay,” Yejin said, slipping her earbud into her ear as she continued her assignment. “Make yourself at home, I guess.”

Jeonghan grinned a broad, boyish smile, before plopping onto the couch and pulling his phone out to play a mobile game. Within a few minutes, he had fallen asleep. His snores accompanied the already existing sounds in the room.

Yejin eyed him from her workstation, her lips punctured as she wondered what her roommate was up to.

two.

“I’m perfectly fine being by myself,” Yejin said with as much patience (which isn’t much) as she could summon from the inner depths of her heart. However, her roommate was making it particularly difficult to be nice.

“I told you a hundred times, you need human interaction!” Aera said as she shoved her feet into a pair of heels, ready for yet another party.

“Easy for you to say, you social butterfly.”

Aera grinned proudly at the nickname she was bestowed with. “Thank you!” She said, bowing for extra effect.

Yejin fought the urge to roll her eyes. “Jeonghan hardly counts as human interaction.” She poked the yogurt cup in her hand with her spoon, denting the fragile base of the plastic. “Whenever he comes here, he only lounges over our couch, steals our snacks, and plays with his phone.”

“It’d be nice if you both become friends.”

“Doesn’t Jeonghan have a girlfriend? Are you sure it’s wise for him to be here?”

Aera fidgeted in the spot, her eyes ricocheting from the door and to her roommate. “If you put it like that, probably not.”

“You just want me to interact with him because he’s your boyfriend’s roommate.”

“And he’s a nice person, and you need his company,” Aera added hurriedly. “Now can I go? I’m going to be late.”

“Fine,” Yejin said. Aera bolted as soon as the words left her roommate’s mouth. Yejin shook her head almost endearingly as the front door slammed shut.

Half an hour later, Jeonghan materialized in her doorway with a messy hairdo and a plastic bag filled with boxes of food. The former was the result of the displeased weather outside, but Yejin couldn’t think of a special occasion that would warrant takeout.

“I heard you have an exam coming up,” Jeonghan placed the plastic bag down in front of her laptop, the smell of it tantalizing Yejin’s stomach to growl. “So I got you this.”

Yejin eyed the plastic bag, her fingers tingling to reach out and devour whatever was inside in a single gulp. She glanced upward and stared into Jeonghan’s eyes. It was difficult to maintain contact; his eyes were obsidian in color, as dark as black holes. If Yejin stared for too long, she’d get sucked in.

“What are you getting out of this?” Yejin asked as politely as she could, though a trained ear could detect the venom hiding within.

Jeonghan leaned in, his disorganized chestnut side-swept hair falling over his eyes. He fixed the navy blue backpack strap hanging from the side of his shoulder as he bent down to stare into her eyes. Yejin held her breath, intimidated by the sudden change of atmosphere.

“Your friendship,” Jeonghan ended cheekily, a boyish smile curling on the corners of his lips.

“Ha,” Yejin muttered weakly, running her hand through her long hair.

“You’re a very smart student, Yejin,” Jeonghan reached out to fidget with her laptop screen, pushing it close before pulling it up again before it could involuntarily shut down. “But it’s okay to take a break sometimes, you know. When you’re done with that assignment of yours, let’s play Monopoly.”

“Monopoly?” Yejin frowned. “We don’t have Monopoly here.”

“I noticed,” Jeonghan commented in a pained tone. “How can you not have a Monopoly board in this apartment? You and Aera are disappointments. Here,” he dropped his backpack on the floor and pulled out a Monopoly board.

Yejin raised a brow. “You brought a whole Monopoly board with you?”

“Yes, for this very special occasion,” Jeonghan said proudly. “Eat your food, and then tell me when you’re finished with your work. I’ll wait for you.”

Despite her protests, Yejin’s heart fluttered a little at his words.

“Okay,” she mumbled.

Jeonghan smiled and threw his body over the couch, unaware that he left a certain girl’s heart hammering violently against her sternum.

three.

A knock dragged Yejin’s attention away from her book and towards the door. Setting the paperback page down on the coffee table, Yejin stretched her sore back as her guest knocked on her door again.

“Coming,” she said, peeking through the eyehole to check. Her eyes widened a little when she recognized the mop of brown hair and swung the door wide open without hesitation. Jeonghan fell forward like a piece of domino, but luckily, Yejin caught his shoulders before he could collide with the ground.

“Get up, you’re heavy,” Yejin inhaled, catching a whiff of alcohol. She coughed, startled. “Oh, crap. Have you been drinking?”

“It was Aera,” he mumbled, his legs flailing behind him. He groaned as his palm flew to his temple. Yejin laid him gently on the couch and rummaged through her drawers for painkillers.

“What were you doing with Aera?” Yejin asked as she placed a glass of water and some tablets on the coffee table. She peered down at Jeonghan’s head from the side of the couch as his body took up the rest of the comfy furniture. From her vantage point, she could see the elegant curves and slopes that made up Jeonghan’s face. He was, indeed, handsome. She threw her gaze away in case he saw her staring, but he was too drunk to care.

“Some party,” Jeonghan said, his voice so soft that Yejin had to guess what he said through his closed lips. He had an arm over his eyes, and his voice sounded strained. Yejin raised an eyebrow.

“Okay,” she pulled at his arm to get him to sit up. “Come on, you need to drink this.”

“I don’t have a headache yet,” his words were slurred as Yejin attempted to yank him to his feet.

“You look like you have a headache. Trust me, Aera’s my roommate.”

“Can I confess something?” Jeonghan swiftly rolled over onto his stomach as he shot Yejin a smile. Or a smirk, more like, judging from the lopsided curve on the right side of his mouth.

“Okay?” Yejin gulped, feeling her cheeks pinking at the casual smile he offered.

“I actually like you,” he laughed, a bubbly note ringing through the silent air of the apartment.

Yejin froze. “What?”

“It was two years ago. I saw you at orientation and developed a crush on you. Surprising, eh? And I only saw you once but I fell deep. In love, I mean. I forgot about you, sort of, when I didn’t see you again for a very long time. And then a few months ago I saw you in the library and learned you were my roommate’s girlfriend’s roommate. You can imagine my shock.”

“Jeonghan, you have a girlfriend,” Yejin reminded him, feeling a stinging in her eye sockets.

“Yeah, I know,” Jeonghan laughed, his eyelids closing halfway through. “Funny. If only I went out more, socialized more, you know. Maybe I would’ve met you. Maybe I would’ve been dating you right now.”

“You sound so confident,” Yejin said, reaching out to press her palm against Jeonghan’s cheek. Just this once. One time, then I’m never going to do this again.

“I mean, maybe. I don’t know,” Jeonghan leaned into her hand and his lips brushed the heel of her palm. Her breath hitched and she swallowed. “Do you like me?”

Yejin grimaced, her lips embracing her teeth. “I don’t know.”

Jeonghan kept his firm gaze on her eyes, but she looked away within seconds. A sigh escaped his mouth and he leaned against the couch.

“Of course, you don’t.” He peeled Yejin’s hand from his cheek. “I’m sorry for coming here.”

“It’s alright,” Yejin said, running her fingers through his hair. “I don’t mind at all.”

“I really like you,” Jeonghan repeated, his voice fading into a soft laugh. “I just…”

A snore left his throat, and a tear escaped her eyelids.

four.

“I want you to be gentle with Jeonghan,” Aera said as she shoved her heels into her shoes.

“What do you mean?” Yejin asked as soon as she pulled the pen from between her teeth. Normally, she’d tuck the piece of stationary behind her ear, but that space was currently occupied by her black-rimmed glasses.

“Something happened,” Aera answered vaguely, averting her gaze from Yejin’s scrutiny.

“To him?”

“You’ll see for yourself.”

When Jeonghan came along, Yejin immediately understood what Aera meant. His fluffy swept hair was even more disgruntled than usual, vaguely reminding Yejin of a thornbush. There were dark circles under his eyes that were almost the shade of his onyx eyes and his lips were chapped and scarlet in some places, but Yejin glanced away before he could catch her staring. Despite how exhausted he looked, he still managed to smile at her.

“I’ve never seen you wear glasses before,” he said.

Yejin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, swallowing nervously. “Yeah, well, I usually prefer my lenses.”

Jeonghan exhaled, a rough, guttural sound that shattered Yejin’s glass heart into a thousand fragments. “I broke up with Stacey.”

“Oh,” Yejin closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Jeonghan laughed, an empty sound that undulated as he flopped face-first onto the couch. “I’m sorry about last time and for… for being here. I don’t know who else to go to.”

Yejin pursed her lips, wondering if Jeonghan still remembered his confession. Did he remember that he told her he liked her? Did he remember how she placed her palm on his cheek? Did he remember the sound of her heartbeat and the warm emotions thumping in rhythm with her blood?

“Do you want a hug?” she asked, surprising herself.

Jeonghan watched her, a small smile materializing on his face. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

Yejin accompanied Jeonghan on the couch and allowed him to sink his head into the dip of her shoulder. They stayed that way for a while as Yejin allowed Jeonghan to take the warm comfort she offered him.

“I saw her,” he mumbled into the collar of Yejin’s sweater, “with another guy. It’s only been a week since we broke up and there she is. Dating again.”

“Maybe… that’s her way of recovering?” Yejin asked meekly.

“Maybe,” Jeonghan exhaled and Yejin could feel his breath on her neck. “But it still hurts so much, you know.”

“Yeah,” Yejin stared out at the dark sky. “I know.”

“Can I…” Jeonghan shifted to a more comfortable position, keeping his head on Yejin’s shoulder and his arms around her torso. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Sure.” Yejin pulled away to grab a cushion on the floor and positioned it under Jeonghan’s head. “Not a problem at all.”

Jeonghan looped his fingers through Yejin’s hand, and she didn’t pull away. Instead, she rested her head against the couch and watched his chest rise and fall.

five.

“What’s he doing here?” Aera frowned.

“No, the question is, why are you still here?” Yejin responded.

“I live here!” Aera threw her hands into the air incredulously.

“She’s kicking you out,” Jeonghan snickered. “She wants full ownership of the apartment and the cat and the refrigerator full of your delicious food.”

“We don’t have a cat.”

“He’s the cat,” Yejin jabbed her finger in Jeonghan's direction.

“Ouch,” Jeonghan used his hand that wasn’t occupied with holding a yogurt cup to slam the right side of his chest. “That smarts, Yejin.”

Even the way he said her name made her stomach soar.

“It’s true!” She argued, hoping that her cheeks remained their normal hue. “All you do here is sleep and eat our food. Just like a cat.”

“I meant,” Aera began, flapping the air when Jeonghan opened his mouth to argue, “that I haven’t even left and yet you’re already here. You usually come after I’m gone.”

“We’re having a movie marathon today,” Yejin said. “We’re binging the Larry Hatter movies.”

“Ah, that’s a classic. Have fun, you two.”

“Do you have the popcorn?” Yejin asked as the front door slammed shut.

Jeonghan snorted. “Of course I brought the popcorn. And the candy. What’s a movie marathon without candy?” He grabbed the tubs of popcorn and the colorful plastic bag and plopped onto the couch next to Yejin with a huff.

Larry Hatter and the Thaumaturge’s Rock flashed across the screen in front of them, but Yejin could only focus on the side of Jeonghan’s face. She watched the colors dance over the soft angles of his cheeks, garnering a blush on Yejin’s cheeks. Suddenly, he was watching her, but she didn’t look away.

“Is my face much more interesting than the movie?” Jeonghan laughed, a smirk dancing over his lips. Yejin fought the urge to slap it off his face.

“Why do you like coming over here?” Yejin answered with a question, her head slightly tilted to the side.

Jeonghan paused, watching her as Persephone scolded Roland for pronouncing a spell wrong on screen. Yejin watched the emotions swirl behind his irises, unable to discern any of them.

“Because you’re here,” he said.

Yejin nodded, trying not to smile at the vague answer. “Mhm.”

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not making fun of you.”

“You’re smiling,” he poked her cheek and Yejin fought the urge to lean into his hand.

Remember, he just got out of a relationship. Don’t do this to him.

“So what, you’ve taken away my right to smile now?” Yejin huffed.

“No,” Jeonghan assured, throwing his head back in a laugh. “It’s just that I can’t control myself when you smile.”

Breathe.

“Okay,” Yejin shrugged. She tightened her grip on her bowl of popcorn and kept a steel gaze on the movie, making sure to ignore Jeonghan’s stares and his hands.

+ one.

One bad thing kept happening after the other.

Earlier that day, someone knocked into Yejin while she was going up the stairs and she fell, scraping her knees against the pavement. They burned like an inferno and Yejin had to bite her lip to prevent herself from crying. The person who shoved her didn’t even spare a second glance her way; she walked home limping. When she arrived home, she checked her phone and discovered that she attained a superbly low grade for one of her essays. She also received a message from one of her friends that his dog ripped apart a book that she lent him. To make matters worse, it was one of her favorite books; a book her mother had given her on her fifteenth birthday.

It was too much for Yejin to handle.

Aera wasn’t home—where was comfort when you needed it—and no one from her family was picking up. Yejin’s face was buried deep into her right palm as another hand pressed her phone against her ear.

Please, Yejin thought as the phone continued to ring in her ear.

“Hello?”

Yejin’s balloon heart sagged in relief.

“Hi,” she swallowed. “Can I come over?”

Jeonghan’s response was immediate. “Yes.”

That was how Yejin found herself in Jeonghan’s apartment, snuggled against him on the couch with a warm mug of hot chocolate. He was playing a game on his PS5, but his arms were around Yejin like a large, comfy teddy bear. She leaned against his chest, hearing his heartbeat in sync with hers.

“Thanks,” she mumbled to him, and she could feel his heart pump faster.

“Any time,” he answered, pulling her closer to his chest.

Yejin continued to watch the characters and graphics flash across the screen. She sipped her hot chocolate as she placed her hands on one of Jeonghan’s hands, momentarily distracting him from his game. He recovered quickly and twisted his thumb so that he was caressing her palm.

“Jeonghan?”

He hummed in response.

“I think I like you.”

Jeonghan froze and his character died. He turned to her, ignoring the flashing message on the screen that spelled GAME OVER in red capital letters.

“You think?” he asked, voice cracking at the end.

Yejin shook her head quickly. “No, no. Not think. I do like you.”

She squirmed nervously; he was still at a loss for words. She vaguely watched his throat gulp as he swallowed.

“Really?” he asked, his voice raw and vulnerable.

Yejin understood why he was so hesitant. He had recently gotten out of a relationship—he didn’t know if he was ready to give his heart to someone else after losing it not too long ago.

“You don’t have to give me an answer right now,” Yejin assured, squeezing his wrist. “I’ll wait—”

“Yejin.”

Yejin glanced at Jeonghan’s serious expression; his jawline is firm and stiff and his eyebrows are slightly wrinkled. He stared at her for a while, deep in thought, before he leaned in to kiss her.

Her eyes fluttered shut in response. Jeonghan’s lips were slightly chapped but soft and gentle. She was frozen for a while, her mind unable to process what was happening at first. Then Jeonghan pulled away, and she grabbed his collar to pull him into her.

“Yejin,” Jeonghan said breathlessly, his hair tousled as he held Yejin in his arms. “I don’t want you to think I’m only using you as a rebound; I like you, from the bottom of my heart. Can I be your boyfriend?”

Yejin laughed at the innocent question and reached up to tuck one of his curls behind his ear. She leaned up to peck him again.

“Yes.”

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undercoverpena · 7 months

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Hey Jo, I hope you don’t mind me asking you this but I wondered how you deal with fic popularity (both having and watching others)?? I’m struggling with feeling bad and just wanting to quit. If this feels uncomfortable to answer don’t worry xx

hi anon! i'm sorry you're struggling a bit and feeling bad, just wanna give you a hug! i don't know if i'm the best person to ask this, but i'm gonna give this a little go.

as a concept, i try to remind myself not to get bogged down with numbers, because they're a fickle thing. they change with the wind, sun and the rain. because your worth isn't equated to your notes/followers/popularity.

it's important to remember that there are times fics will do really well because of the tropes, the pairing, the timing - and not the quality of your work. you can sometimes just write one thing and it gains traction, and another time write something in the same style, and it doesn't. the other thing is, some fics grow. they take time to bloom and find their audience, and that's okay too.

fandoms are also different sizes. so you can never compare numbers on numbers, because in one fandom the people reading/engaging may be different to another.

i think i did a post on this a while ago - but my tags are all wonky so i can't find it (watch me find it when this posts) so i can't link it.

but, i know it's super easy for me to say "don't get bogged with numbers", and "try to focus on how you felt writing it" but somedays, even i look at things and wonder to myself what i've done wrong. it's normal, natural - i'm sharing something, and i'm critical and i want to deliver good things to lovely people like you. however, i think you'd tell me that my worth is also not attached to my followers, my notes or my popularity. but it's easy to tell someone else that, than yourself.

and, more importantly, me delivering good things doesn't equate to notes. sometimes, what someone else loves and thinks is a 10/10 is going to be different to another.

because what makes fandom so cool and good, is that it's varied.

people want different things. people write different things. and i preach this far too much, but you just need to find your people - or if you have, give them time. some people are snowed under with tbr's and others are trying to bury their issues in writing (talking about myself here), and others are just trying to juggle too much that their tumblr is less active.

the main thing i hope you takeaway, other than your worth not being a number, is that you have to find and remember why you love what you do. and if you don't know or can't remember, remind yourself.

go back through your work and read it - preferably in a different browser or something (so it looks different to you) and enjoy your own writing. pick out quotes, bask in what you've created. you are your first fan, the person you should write for first. so, be a fan. celebrate yourself. give yourself a pat on the back or a high five, because look, it's fucking hard creating, and it's even harder sharing it. and on top of that, fighting imposter syndrome is hard, fighting dark clouds and rainy days is hard. it is. i can't pretend it isn't.

i can't pretend it doesn't hurt when you stare at your published piece and your brain begins to wonder what you went wrong (for whatever reason that is, whether it's numbers or just something else). because it's normal to look for validation that you did a great thing and it hurts when you don't get it. but, you have to curate your experience - you have to do the things above:

remind yourself you're worth is more than a number

love what you do first. i recommended to someone/people recently to copy some of their fave lines into a document when they're editing so they can be like "fuck yeah, i did that"

also @trulybetty pointed this out to me (and it's been a god send) but on mobile (and on desktop but it's messier) you can filter out your activity. on the top left there's "all activity" but if you click it, you can filter out likes, mentions etc. and for me, i've filtered out likes, which means i can see more of the comments, reblogs (with the hashtags) and mentions - so not only do i not miss anything, but also i'm seeing more of the things that make me smile. it's not a slight on likes, but sometimes it hides all the good things that get buried.

i hope in some small way some of this is nice, and it helps. but if not, just remember you're not alone, we're all human, and you deserve to be here, and pls, pls continue writing and don't quit.

#jo: writing advice #asked and answered #anon

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