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bananami · 4 months

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A little couple's trivia with Nanami proves that he knows you all too well.

I did use the term wife and she/her pronouns just as a brief cw. The whole thing is just fluff. Nanami is in love with you. That's the whole things.

(I am delulu and in love with this man. Hope this helps us all heal. He is alive and well and no one can convince me otherwise. Also I love including Gojo's dumbass in everything. Also Yuji is a sweetheart and Nanami's son basically.)

"Please?" You're practically begging your husband, who doesn't seem to be budging.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Yeah Nanamin-"

"Don't call me that." Nanami cuts Gojo off immediately.

"But Yuji calls you that!"

"That's different." He glares at the white haired man like he's trying to eviscerate him with just his eyes. "And I'm not playing some stupid game just to prove how well I know my wife." He tries to pay attention to the paperwork in front of him again, wanting to finish it before 5pm. Because there was no way he was working overtime again today.

"Scared?" Gojo baited him. "Afraid I'm gonna ask you a question that's just too hard?"

"Gojo, there is nothing you could ask me about my wife that I wouldn't be able to answer."

A few of the students sat around watching the two go back and forth, inevitably waiting for Nanami to either get so annoyed that he walked away, or to take the bait. They hoped for the latter.

"Prove it! Or you forfeit your marriage."

"That's not how that works."

"C'mon Nanamin, it's just a game." Yuji gives the blonde sorcerer a sincere smile, hoping to lighten the mood and sway his decision just a bit.

"Don't call him Nanamin, Yuji- OW." Gojo is cut off as Nanami reaches over and smacks him in the head with the papers in his hand.

"Don't tell him what to do." Nanami sighs and rubs at his temple. He looks at the clock, then at you. It's the look in your eyes that gives way to his final decision. "Fine. You have until that clock reads 5, and then I'm taking my wife and we're going home."

Gojo wastes no time. "Who is your wife's favorite person? And think before you say yourself because-"

"Itadori. Next question."

"I'm your favorite person?!" Yuji jumps from his seat, latching his arms around you for a hug. It's obvious from the way that you smile and hug him back that Nanami is probably definitely right. You had a soft spot for the kid since you met him, playfully telling everyone that you and Nanami had basically adopted him since he arrived at Jujutsu High. Nanami would probably never verbalize it, but you could tell he felt the same about the boy.

"Ok, ok. Next question." Gojo thought hard before coming up with it. "How does your wife take her coffee?"

"She doesn't drink coffee."

"Yes she does, I bring her some like every morning."

"And she gives that coffee to me because she doesn't like it."

"You're telling me I've been buying you coffee this entire time?"

"I make her tea every morning when we get to work. You hand her the coffee, we trade cups. I don't understand how you've stared right at us when we do it and you somehow haven't noticed."

"Ok, then what tea does she drink?"

"Earl Grey, three sugars, a little bit of milk at the top. She'll say she's ok with English Breakfast or Lady Earl Grey if they're out of the regular. She's not, she's just being polite. She'll drink half and throw it away when she thinks no one is looking."

Gojo groans, not having as much fun as he thought he was going to at the beginning of all of this. "And I just bet you have a contingency plan for when your wife doesn't get her tea, don't you?"

"Of course I do," he ignores the even louder groan from Gojo, "I walk across the street to the cafe that sells her favorite pastries and I buy her five because I know that she'll want to share with her students and she'll try to split one with me even if I refuse. They have teabags they leave out so long as you're ordering something. Earl Grey, always in stock."

"Adorable." Gojo rolls his eyes.

"You're so smart, Nanamin!" Yuji jumps in. "Let me ask one! What's her favorite color?"

"Yuji, that's too easy."

"Yellow."

"Ohhhh, mine too," Yuji says, "why yellow?"

"Because it's-" Nanami stops mid-sentence and looks at the clock, like it will give him an excuse. Almost. "We don't need to worry about the why, that wasn't the original question."

Gojo perks up, clearly realizing he'd struck a nerve. And he was ready to work it. The red dusting across Nanami's cheeks told him everything he needed to know. "Are you embarrassed, Nanami?"

"Shut up, Gojo."

"Or do you just not know the answer? It's ok if you don't, I guess you just don't know your wife as well as you thought you did."

"If you don't stop talking, I'm going to tell everyone about the one time in high school when you and Geto got caught in the-"

"OK!" Gojo turns back to the students and motions them toward the door. "Time to go! Don't you all have something better to do? Go be little trouble makers somewhere. Go TP Yaga's lawn or something. Get out of here."

He'd ushered everyone out except Yuji, who stayed behind to wait for you and Nanami. The boy shyly looked away as you kissed Nanami's cheek before standing up, stating you just needed to grab your bag before you could leave.

Yuji waited for you to exit the room before he asked. "Is it because of your hair?"

Nanami sighs. "What makes you think that?"

Yuji just shrugs. "She loves you. Answers don't always need a complex reason."

Nanami can't help the smile that graces his face. "You're a smart kid sometimes, you know that?"

"That's why I'm her favorite!" His goofy nature is back in an instant. "Can I come over for dinner again tonight?"

"Of course you can."

"Can I stay over?"

"If you'd like to."

"Can I pick the movie we watch?"

"Don't push your luck."

#jjk fluff #jjk headcanons #jjk x reader #nanami fluff #nanami x y/n #nanami kento #nanami x reader #jjk nanami #nanami x you #kento nanami #yuji itadori #jjk itadori #papamin

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phantom-of-the-501st · 2 months

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Thoughts on TBB 3x5: The Return

General Summary: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

*stares at sheer number of bullet points in phone from this episode*

I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY THIS WEEK!!! PROPER ANALYSES MAY BE BACK!!!!!! (if I have time because I have so much to do D:)

ECHO'S IN THE THUMBNAIL!!! *cue biggest freakout I've had this season*

I genuinely let myself believe that we weren't going to see Echo this episode because I was so desperate not to get my hopes up. I though they were going to try and sort out some stuff between Cross and the other Batchers before bringing Echo into the fold but he's back!!!

The lighting is so pretty 😍

THEY TOOK CROSSHAIR TO PABU

HE'S TARGET TRAINING WITH AZI I'M GONNA CRY

The shaky hands are making me so upset 😭

But I'm glad that they're exploring something like this. It isn't just a case of Crosshair losing his spot in the Empire, it's about him being faced with something that affects his ability to be a sniper in all situations. His purpose was not the Empire, it was being a soldier, and that's what he's afraid of losing.

"IT'S ECHO!" Absolute mood and the only appropriate reaction to Echo being in an ep

THE HUUUUUGGG 😭❤️

Okay this may already be one of my new favourite eps

*replays hug 5 times before continuing with the episode*

"No hug for me?" "Depends on how good your intel is." Echo is defo still a little wary but the fact that the sass and sarcasm is strong between them is giving me life

There's been a lot of discussion about the parallels between what Echo went through and what Crosshair went though and I think that this is a perfect demonstration of the dynamic that stems from that. Echo knows what it's like to have your mind taken and to be used as a weapon against your brothers. He knows what it's like to not instantly be trusted. And because of that he has a leniency with Crosshair that the other Batcher don't. He isn't completely trusting but he's more willing to give Crosshair some grace because he understands better than the others.

"Especially without Tech" I'M RUNNING ON BARELY ANY SLEEP AND HALF A CUP OF COFFEE YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME

"I'm older than you are, little brother." The script for this episode is the greatest thing ever and I genuinely can't tell you how much the sass is giving me life rn 😆

Less than 10 minutes in and this episode is already killing me

WE'RE BACK AT THE OUTPOST 😭😭😭

CROSS IN THE ARMOUR AGAIN AAAAAAAHHHHH

Echo being the mediator in the group feels so appropriate

I adore how much focus Echo is getting this ep. They didn't bring him back and give him nothing, he's absolutely serving this episode and I am obsessed! 🤩

I'm in love with the fact that the Batch now just have a family pet

"I guess it served it's purpose." "Huh, sounds familiar." Initially this feels like a jab towards Cross but I don't think it is. That statement applies to all of the clones: they served their purpose and then they got ditched. It may have taken longer for Crosshair to accept the fact that the Empire didn't like him, but it is a statement that applies to every clone post Order 66. I think that that is what Echo is getting at: not a direct jab at Cross, but a general statement about something that Crosshair has finally come to terms with

MAYDAY'S HELMET KILL ME NOW AAAAAAHHHH

Mayday meant a lot to Cross and I think it feels particularly poignant now. He's back with his squad, but they don't all trust him. Crosshair could probably do with someone like Mayday right now, someone who trusts him enough that Crosshair doesn't feel as alone as he does.

Omega trusts him, and Wrecker is kind of there (as is Echo), but Cross still doesn't feel like he's home. He's missing one of the few friends he had.

Also, this is just evidence that Crosshair isn't the cold. heartless bastard that loads of people wanted to label him as 😌

Crosshair moving the helmets is such a simple thing, but it's so meaningful. The helmets were discarded and left in a heap, which represents the exact attitude the Empire had towards the clones. Picking them up and laying them out gives them a small amount of dignity.

It reminds me of the burial of the clones that died in the crash at the end of the clone wars. They may be in a remote location where they won't be visited, but they haven't just been left in a wreck, discarded. They were given at least an ounce of respect by their brothers and that is what Crosshair is giving to the clones at the outpost

Slight interval as I realise just how much I wrote down about this episode and just how much I have left to write 😵‍💫

Sensors down? That doesn't seem like that's going to go well

THE TOOTHPICK IS BACK!!! ❤️

"So yes, I did betray them, after they betrayed me."

This is all what it boils down to: they both feel betrayed. The thing is, both Hunter and Cross' feelings are valid, but they need to talk through why they made the decisions they did so that the other person understands. It's complicated because there isn't a good or bad side right now, they just won't listen to each other, nor will they talk things through because they don't trust the other person enough to be honest about their decisions.

"She went through what she did because you failed" OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH

I'm not angry at Cross. Don't get me wrong, it's brutal and harsh and a dick move but Crosshair is getting defensive because Hunter is being confrontational. They're both messing up here. I can guarantee that this is going to cause discourse among the Hunter stand who are going to get pissed at Cross, but you have to understand that his actions make sense. They're not good (in the same way that Hunter really needs to ease up) but it's behaviour that makes complete sense.

We know that Crosshair's way of defending himself is to be an arsehole. He puts up walls and he lashes out. And Hunter rn is mostly stewing in his own self-loathing (which is why Crosshair struck a nerve).

Hunter is likely taking his self-hatred out on Cross and trying to shift the blame so that he can tell himself that it isn't his fault. The problem is, it's making Cross defensive, so Crosshair is pushing the blame back and sticking Hunter where it hurts. They're both stuck in a toxic cycle.

Oh dear (I literally wrote down nothing else here. This was just my reaction to the giant worm)

Echo is so on it in this episode and I love it! ❤️

Oh shit bye Hunter

This season looks so pretty and the animation is gorgeous ✨

The worm reminds me of that thing from HTTYD2 👇

GROUP HUG

"And I don't even see any blood this time. That's progress" ECHO I FUCKING LOVE YOU OMG 😭

On a side note, we talked about how Echo's humour and sass kind of deteriorated after Skako Minor but it's coming back in full swing! It shows how comfortable he's become and is evidence that he's healing 🥲🫶

Echo talking to Omega actually has me crying. He's so fucking supportive!!! 😭

"There might just be hope for us yet" followed by a shot of the ice vulture flying towards the light. It's a good way of showing Cross' journey away from the darkness of the Empire and back towards a place of healing.

Okay so this episode just means like... everything to me. The humour was on point, the emotions were on point. We got some good content from every member of the Batch. ECHO CAME BACK!

I'm just so obsessed with this episode omg

AND BINGO UPDATE!

#one of my top 5 tbb eps #absolutely incredible]#the humour #the emotion #all of it was on point #10/10 #the bad batch #tbb echo #tbb crosshair #tbb omega #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #the bad batch spoilers #tbb spoilers

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pengemis-receh · 3 months

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Since my previous posts talked about elementals. I want to write an essay about them from my perspective and possible theories and headcanon I gathered so far. It might not be accurate so fill me in if you want to add or correct some of it. I love open discussion ^^

I've seen some people thought that in the early season, all elementals had not have characteristics but changed after Halilintar's incident.

Boboiboy's emotions under circumstances not only triggered the true self of available elementals, but it also awakened the other elemental powers as well(hence how the rest 4 were born) like what anon said here.

This is gonna be looooong ted talk so I have to spilt this in two parts!

What I want to talk about is how interesting their character development throughout the series. Starting with the original trio!

(That 3rd picture lasted for a few minutes... I didn't even notice their communication at first. :'()

Their development was that drastic in the youth era. The unstoppable "the fun, the serious and the tough one"(edit: more like, "The Striker, Tacklerer, and The Goal Keeper in soccer terms. Don't ask why I thought about this a lot) which sparks Boboiboy as the hero of Pulau Rintis. But, it's starting to decrease during Galaxy onwards.

I know I know they need to blend with the others as well. (They got most of the screen time in every series after all). I already talked about it here.

(People say this year indirectly the reunion of this trio I guess? Windara and Gentaraju animated arc? ...

but... aaah well... my head's spinning right now >_<)

Halilintar/Thunderstorm.

What more to say about this person? haha, I've already talked about it from anon in the first link I put on before and this one.

But still, from the very first moment he arrived till today, I am almost certain my hypothesis then and now is coming true. Being just created as "the cool, serious" side of Boboiboy, This 'talk less, do slash more' guy unknowingly becomes the tsundere eldest due to his tragic incident.

He is such a supportive person behind that murder mask. Seeing rare moments that he actually cares for others whenever he can is an absolute miracle. God, the season 2 comic and Sori continuingly showed his soft side from youth era. wtf my 12-year-old me is screaming right now! aaarghh! :3

(But that face in ep 5 when he's strangled lmaooooo X'D)

Taufan/Cyclone

One of my favorite things that I know about him is he enjoys whenever he's out. He truly loves all the thrilling fights, if not get the vibe, he instantly goes into a bad mood. Every poster I saw about him, always with his smile and never faded. That's why I was shocked when I saw his decision in Windara's arc. Finally, the man he always wanted to be, bravely giving it all in one v one fight. I'm so proud of him! T^T

His easygoing attitude reminds me of a certain hedgehog I knew hehe...both resemble the wind itself right? :] (I need to draw them in June)

Leading the Troublemaker trio is always fun to watch. And the fact that he looks at Hali as his role model is really cute! Despite him and Hali being the first two elements who had civil fights before, a bit sad these two are independent on their own from Galaxy onwards :'(

Gempa/Quake

Gempa got me confirmation that he is the leader of the elementals from the very first fight till now. I can see why he has the closest resemblance to Boboiboy himself (hence the hat position :] ).

To be fair, Gempa is the only elemental that I see no difference with Boboiboy. And with being one of the strongest elementals(with embedded two giant stone hands), he sure is a low-profile person and easily blends with other elementals. Now I know why he gets the title "Mama Gempa". He is unknowingly taking too much care of every elementals like a family ^^)' .

Even tho he's the last power to be introduced(in this trio) and sometimes people see him as a lone wolf in the group, he's natural at giving orders. The others actually listen to him and get scolded if they messed up! Like how parents do! X'D

How about the Temper Duo?

(Why monsta didn't put this dialog to Sori? :''(( )

How fitting the theme song of movie 2 titled Fire and water as well? Hehe.

Being the first two powers to be fused(the coolest name, "Frostfire" :} ), these two are what most people like to call "The polar opposites". The ones that used two hoodies in the youth era(except now only Ice wears it), the ones that had back-to-back introductions (exactly after Fire arrived, water showed up in the next episode, Galaxy season 1 also showcased the exact same pattern), the only two powers survived in movie 2, and even their own original masters lived in the same planet.

I'd say if these elementals do be brothers, these two were most likely born twins. (I know I may be late to this headcanon but hey why not? :/)

Blaze

The gremlin boi who got more screentime in sori than his partner. I absolutely adore this boy in Galaxy onwards. His wild and reckless traits are always the main attraction whenever I watch his combat style. I still think since season 3 and movie 1 He should've gotten a brass knuckle type as a weapon than the fire disc. He's a close combat brawler, right?

Anyway, he might be the one who hasn't changed much since his youth until now. In fact, I'd say he is a pretty consistent character from the start. Only gets wilder and cheekier to his fellow elementals tehee~. But that's the beauty of having a friend like Blaze. If done right, Blaze could shock you with his kindness and care deeply for others. Just like how he did with Duri once he accidentally broke Duri's plant in one of Boboiboy's official posts. (Sori ep 3 and comic made my day lmao)

Ais/Ice

If I can relate to one elemental, I choose Ice. He likes to eat yet is frightened to get fat like he did in his youth era; a very sleepy person; also an introverted person but he is confident when surrounded by his closest circle. And most of my friends are usually the Blaze type. So I can understand how to handle that person ^^)'

Ehem. Ice's first tier, Air/Water, got me confused at first. Mainly how he summons his power. Somehow Ice fixed that issue. Making his right arm purely made of ice is genius. My headcanon is every weapon or power he uses comes from his right arm. His cannon comes from his right arm, the same as the bow & arrow one. Even so, many scenes contradict that(Boboiboy is an ambidextrous guy).

Can I say I'm glad from Galaxy onwards he's a bit more open than in his youth era or just me? This doesn't count during the transition mode. All I see now is that he showed more emotions than Hali. (Also whoever decided Ice's tears become snowflakes, I salute you sir)

Last but not least! The Photosynthesis duo!

(I talk about this scene before but holy shit this scene is always mesmerizing to watch)

Duri and Solar were also made me adore them if not because of season 2 & Sori. Okay, I have to confess first to avoid misconception:

I was disappointed when Duri and Solar showed up in movie 1.

My selfish youth still took some time to get used to with Fire and Water in season 3. And all I think was negative reactions when Duri and Solar showed up. That's... also the reason why I went on hiatus.

Luckily, hence the word "was" I put it there.

I'm very grateful that they reset his watch back to start, so then they can at least make a proper debut with both Duri and Solar in Galaxy series. I much prefer that method. (That last episode was truly huge, I'm shocked they went that grand)

Therefore, Sori could continue to make the audience know better about these two! Pretty creative I'd say! I can see why the last three episodes are fan favorites. Me personally love eps 5 & 6.

Duri/Thorn

The most unique symbol to draw to, Duri truly shines in galaxy 2 comic and Sori. His debut in galaxy 1--oh wait, in Eid Fitri's short video after movie 1 made me confused with Taufan at first. Even though he's got more screen time than Solar, Duri still surprised people with the recent series. Who knew his childish and clumsy features could do unverbal damage to enemies by his words? Count me in! He might not do that to his friends and families, but he will delightedly do so with Solar :D

And thanks to Sori, I can now differentiate between Taufan and Duri more clearly. His design in Sori especially the last three is my fav. I love what Monsta did the effects on his arms. Since he doesn't has a signature weapon, they create a 2D flash-winded green leaf around his arm like a coil. That is a very cute detail for Duri.

A bit surprised when every elemental went to serious mode in Windara's arc, only Duri still managed to find fun in the battle. Heck even Taufan dropped his smile during that.

Solar

Being the trump card of the group, I can see why he is the last elemental to be introduced, both in movie 1 and galaxy series. The hardest one to obtain his 2nd tier that requires proper research and pure luck, Solar's traits are also what makes him interesting. To be honest I didn't expect his characteristic to be like this, at all. And somehow very matched with his design and attack as well. Every aspect is strangely in synch I'm astonished. (Adding a visor to his 2nd tier is uhh *chef's kiss B=) )

Also, I love that his attacks use his finger that's also kinda easter egg of the famous "Ray Gun!" shot attack from Yu Yu Hakusho(look it up, there's a live-action ver if you want to know the short ver of the series. The anime itself is legendary to all weebs out there).

Regardless of his limited screentime in every series. I'm very much grateful Monsta treats him equally. His timing in Sori is exceptional and his popularization bursting successfully. My only hope he didn't get cut in Windara and let all elementals showed up. When was the last time Boboiboy did that without splitting to 7?....

... Well if you count heptasplit part, the last time he did that was in Movie 1. That's 9 years ago.

Now we're done here? Nice! Onto the theory part in reblog!

#boboiboy #boboiboy galaxy #bbbg #bbbglxs2 #I want to make gif but my laptop and phone couldn't keep up anymore #Rip my files...#I'm not done yet!

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tf-lover · 9 months

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Commissions!

Hey all! I've decided it's about time I open up writing commissions, so here's a little post detailing how it's going to work!

First off, sending me a message is going to be by far the easiest way to contact me about comissions, NOT asks. I'll want to talk you you a little about the idea before we go any further (see rules 2 and 3 below), so start there and we can figure out what's going on. Secondly, as I've already mentioned, please check out the rules below. Details on pricing is at the bottom (rule 4) so keep that in mind when getting in contact.

How many commissions I take on at once will depend largely on the level of interest and my own writing mood, but I'll try to keep an update either on this post, on my pinned one, or in my bio as to if I'm open to them at the moment or not.

Anyway, without further ado here's the rules for commissioning me. Make sure you read them!

Rules:

1. reserve the right to say no to commissions.

Regardless of the reason, I may not give one, if I say no it's a no. Maybe I don't like the idea, maybe I'm busy with life or other commissions, maybe I'm just not in the mood to write at the moment or am working on new stories. Don't constantly hound me asking if I've changed my mind, I will just block you without hesitation. (Use common sense here, if you want to politely ask again if my time/mood was the issue I'm not going to bite your head off.)

Also, please keep in mind I have a life outside of this. If you message me asking about a commission and I don't respond straight away I'm probably just busy or asleep. I will reply to everyone that enquires though, it just might take me a second.

2. Be creative, but realistic.

Requests that just say "Turn me into a jock!" will likely get a no. Make it a little more interesting, come up with a plot or throw some more tf's in there. Not that there's anything wrong with a good jock tf, but there's only so many I can write.

Be realistic about the length too. I can't fit a hugely detailed tf AND a plot in 1000 words, it just won't happen. I'll leave some examples of rough length linked below so you have a rough idea.

500 words (Caption Series - The Wrong Trousers)

1000 words (Caption Series - Tailored)

1500 words (Shifting Gear Part 1)

2000 words (For Men)

3000 words (The Morning After)

If you're insane super generous and want examples of longer pieces than that I'll happily refer you to some.

3. Things I won't do.

Some of these go without saying:

Underage

Feet

Bathroom stuff (watersports, scat etc)

Hardcore pain/violence/rape

Chastity

Hyper/non-realistic sizes

Animal tf's (furry stuff welcome though)

Heavy female focus (gender tf is fine in either way, but I'm primarily a MALE tf author)

Celebrity tf's (more below on this one)

Don't ask, I won't write them.

As mentioned, I don't generally do celebrity tf's. "Turn me into Chris Evans!" style stuff. As much as there are a lot of very attractive celebrities, it's just never really interested me to become them specifically; original characters are usually more my thing. There is of course some flexibility with this, so if you're not sure you can always ask. If the idea is good enough (and the guy hot enough) maybe I'll make an exception, the worst I can say is no after all.

4. Payment & Delivery.

I charge £0.04 per word, which is equivalent to £40 per 1000 words, or £20 for 500 words. Payment is via PayPal, in full, up front. I won't start writing until I've been paid.

In terms of delivery, I write in Google docs, so will send you both a viewable link to that document and a pdf of the final thing provided you give me an email to send the pdf to. Otherwise you can save a pdf of the story yourself from there.

5. Images & Posting.

Final word on images included in these. You're welcome to bring your own you'd like me to write around. If not, I'm happy to attempt to find one's I deem appropriate for the particular story if you'd like me to, but I make no promises. If I can't find something that works or you don't like the selections I offer I won't go to great lengths to find something. These are writing commissions in the end, so keep that in mind.

I'll also include a word on posting these commissions here. If you specifically don't want me to post yours please let me know at some point during the process, otherwise I may post some of them here and there when I feel like it after they've been delivered. If you're happy for me to post the commission but would like to remain anonymous (i.e. not tagged in the post) do let me know as well. This one is an easy one to forget, so I'll follow up with you on posting after I've delivered it.

- Tf Lover

Also, for those of you that don't want to or can't commission me, you can also tip me here on Tumblr, or over on ko-fi (link here)! You don't have to of course by any means, but any support people want to throw my way is always welcome.

#not a story #tf commissions

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calmlyy-chaotiic · 5 days

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Hello ockins/fictionkins

i need advice

(tw for mentions of fictional abuse, violence, and related trauma)

I'm trying to figure out if I'm an ockin or not, and I could use some input. This is gonna be a long post so check under the cut for the info.

So, the oc in question is Leona. She was originally created back when I was a teenager (a few years ago). She was made as an avatar/player character for the game Pokémon: Legends Arceus. At the start, she was basically just me, but cooler. Typical sona type thing. Fast forward a few months, and I start changing her story, eventually creating this whole dark au of the game and giving her a bunch of trauma and all that jazz.

I got... VERY attached to her, very quickly. Thinking about her all the time, coming up with new details, rambling about her. More characters joined her story, and she formed bonds with them.

I'm starting to realize that she might be a kintype of mine.

Since I've been writing her, I've gotten moments where it feels like I AM her. I know what she feels, how she views the other ocs in her story, how she reacts to her trauma, and I sort of... share those feelings. I'm terrible at explaining things, but it's more than just "getting to know the character" like I've seen other writers talk about.

As she's gotten attached to her friends and her family, so have I. It's like I see them as MY family, and not just because they're my ocs.

For example: there's a character named Ricochet that was originally going to be her best friend. Purely platonic. I was in one of my "Leona moods" where I was thinking like her, feeling like her, etc. That's when I started wondering if there were any romantic feelings towards Ricochet, and BAM. I could SEE her face, picture her voice and her laugh, and it felt like I was genuinely in love. However, I only feel like this when I "am" Leona.

It probably sounds stupid/weird, but I don't know how else to explain it.

Another thing that I think about a lot is this one time my mom was jokingly asking me questions and talking to me like I WAS Leona, and calling me Leona, and I got this HUGE dose of euphoria. I don't really get species euphoria, and normally I'd dislike being referred to by a feminine name, but it felt RIGHT

Now, onto the problems with her being a kintype.

Leona is a violent person who does bad violent things.

She has violent urges.

When I "am" her, I sort of get them too. It's a lot like what I imagine some predator therians deal with, like wanting to bite people or hunt things? (I'm a canine therian, but I've never gotten urges like these for any kintypes before Leona)

Also, Leona has a lot of trauma and mental problems (namely familial abuse and ptsd) that I don't have, and I feel like by "being" her I'm disrespecting people who actually struggle with those things

Another thing I feel like is weird is that she is a cis woman, and a lesbian, and I am neither of those things?? I'm a genderqueer guy, I prefer masc terms, and I'm omni, so??

Finally, outside of when I'm getting "shifts" for her (if that's even what these are), I don't act like her at all. We still have some similarities left over from her being a past sona of mine, but otherwise there's nothing.

So, ockins!! Fictionkins!! What're your opinion? Is it plausible that I'm an ockin? Do I just have something deeply wrong with me??

#ockin #fiction kin #asking for advice #finding kintypes

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saintavangeline · 2 months

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hi! i hope it won't come off as nosy, but i got really interested when you said you've been diagnosed with bipolar, and adhd on top of it... mainly because i have adhd, and for the past month i've been waiting to get a bipolar diagnosis confirmed, since my psychiatrist is suspecting it. i don't know anyone who has it and it feels a bit lonely to sail this boat, would it be okay if i asked you a few questions? (feel free to skip if you don't want to answer them!)

overall i just wanted to ask, what are your main symptoms and how does your adhd get worse with experiencing episodes? & are you able to experience remission with your current treatment (that's mostly for adhd, if i remember it correctly)? and also i just want to quickly say im insanely proud of you for managing to survive, and, despite all the difficulties, still finding your voice in music 🤍🤍

Hi! I don't mind these questions at all - I know firsthand how isolating and difficult it is to navigate these illnesses and especially when you're waiting on a formal diagnosis. Having adhd and bipolar (and in my case.. also a recent autism diagnosis) together can be incredibly difficult, but on the plus side, people with these disorders usually have some of the most creative minds in our society. So.. yay to that part of it's any consolation!

1. My main symptoms are lethargy/fatigue, ruminating, anxiety, issues with starting and completing tasks, impulsivity, memory issues/forgetfulness, poor time management and keeping a routine, mood swings, and (this is one I feel so so awful about and I'm trying so hard to work on) changing topics mid convo/interrupting.

2. When I experience episodes, I definitely feel like my ADHD exacerbates my symptoms. When I'm manic, I am go-go-go, do not eat for days, possessed and riddled with creativity and pull all-nighters frequently. It's like I'm on some sort of bender but my drug is creating things or getting really involved in a special interest or hobby. I'm also able to get a lot done and accomplish things I normally struggle knocking out. When I reach my depression cycle, ADHD paralysis keeps me immobilized on my couch or in my bed for sometimes entire days. I struggle to even get up and bathe.

3. Unfortunately no, I have not experienced remission. However, I will say that taking stimulants has helped numb out bad feelings when I'm low, and somewhat stabilizes me during mania. I don't feel AS extreme of mood shifts when I'm on stimulants, but it doesn't completely stop my symptoms.

4. I have tried other medications for treating bipolar in the past, and I have had horrible experiences with all of them, and some new trauma around coerced medication so finding something that will work is currently off the table for me in terms of drugs. I advise you be careful and trust your gut with whatever you're given. If you feel like something is wrong, you DO NOT have to keep taking it. And don't let anyone pressure you otherwise.

And thank you so much! Life has been incredibly hard and sometimes I am genuinely fighting for it, but my mania cycle is about to kick in finally (it always does around this time of year) and I'm ready to kick off LOL

I wish you the best of luck in your mental health journey, and props to you for advocating for yourself 🤍

#ask 🥀

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studentbyday · 6 months

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hello, i drafted an aesthetic studyblr post for today, but didn't feel like posting it bc today is an ugly rant kind of day. (more kermits under the cut)

AAAAHHHHHH STUPID FREAKING WINDOWS- 😩😫😭🤬🤬🤬 so i was working on my laptop for these past few days which uses a different ms office version from the computer i switched to today and all my work was LOST!! 😭😭 all the notes i took on OneNote (at least it was just the psyc notes i had done on the laptop - idk what i would do if biochem or mol bio notes were lost. i'd probably cry for real) and all the work i did on that biochem paper? GONE!! my brother uses LibreOffice so i finally switched to that (altho their UI isn't that nice). at this point, i might as well switch to linux (unless that would cause unforeseen problems if i still sometimes do work on windows? idk) 😅 any recs for free notes apps that have a small learning curve and are OneNote-like?

the STRANGEST part is, some of the notes and lost files came back as i was working?? i didn't do anything and i *swear* i wasn't seeing things, so like, WTF??? not that i'm complaining. i hope the entire week of psyc notes i lost comes back. if not, i'll probs rewrite them if i have time. i hope i have time. i really hate this.

also, good thing i didn't like the way i wrote the biochem paper so far. i rewrote the thing in a google doc instead just to be safe and i like the way it flows much better now. AND!!! it's super annoying that i had to do this, but my handwritten notes on the main article i'm basing my paper on were confusing me. like, in terms of the flow of the biochemistry. so i basically rewrote those notes, doing this huge web in paint and idk if i could've done that on the first read instead of the way i did it. i hate feeling like i've done double work.

after rewriting the paper (i'm not even done yet - there are several things i wanna add yet and some facts i wanna clarify) and my notes on the article for said paper, i was exhausted. i tried to switch gears by reading the instructions/background for the biochem discussion post due tmr (that i was supposed to write today 😒) but i don't get it. it's like i didn't cover lipoproteins at all! i don't remember anything! what am i here* for if i can't remember anything?!

update: i answered 1 question for the discussion post. i still have to answer 1 more but i need to finish reading the background info first.

ALSO! i was supposed to study for 6+ hours today. i have no idea how long i actually studied bc i kept stopping and starting the study with me video and i worked through the breaks anyway, so the dinging timers were just annoying.

*"here" as in at uni, studying, although if in the right mood, it could also expand to my entire existence 🙂 (luckily i'm too angry rn to feel philosophical 😒)

okay, let's try not to end so sour. good things that happened today:

physio exercises ✅

skincare ✅ (i have added lip balm to the list asides from lotion bc the chapped state hurts 🙁)

mol bio quiz ✅

journal ✅

tomorrow will be better. and if it doesn't start out right, imma fight it until it is and i won't be defeated 😠

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cimarraskylark · 9 months

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I figured that, since I've said so many things about Cimarra and Aymeric, it's only fair to give a bit of a background to their relationship. Afterall, it'll be a while before we get to this point in the fanfic, definite slowburn that it is. 😅🤣 I promise to not give out any important spoilers though. Hehehe...

Ahem. Where to begin? Well, Aymeric falls in love first, while it takes Cimarra longer to fall and realize it. She's hesitant to, based off of past experience and witnessing the way her village was. But Aymeric is patient and unwavering in his pursuit, slowly wooing her while showing his determination to commit to her. Cimarra eventually falls, but doesn't realize it until she finds that the rage which arises for his sake is of the same level as for those she considers family. It then takes her a bit to come to terms with it and finally admit that she returns his feelings.

Cimarra desires to have a lover who will stay, not leave. She wants the long-term, not just for a moment or a night. It stems from how Viera males come only when needing to mate, then leave again. So, she has a slight distrust, subconsciously believing that anyone she tries to get involved with will just leave. Looking after Hadrian, she simply uses the excuse that she "doesn't have time" when they ask why she's still alone. Her protectiveness of Hadrian also makes her very selective.

Not only does she not want a man who won't stay, but she's afraid of it happening, and so either doesn't let it reach the relationship point or leaves first. Often times, she doesn't let it start at all. And so, when Aymeric approaches her with sincere and genuine intentions, she isn't quite sure of how to handle it, afraid of it coming to nothing anyway.

Phew... that was a lot... and a bit heavy... Hmm... How about a future snippet from A Warrior's Saga to lighten the mood? Let's say... Cimarra and Aymeric's first meeting? 😏 I'll hide it for those who don't want spoilers, but for those who do read it, enjoy! 🥰

(Oh, some may ask when Cimarra falls for Aymeric. And to that I say...

...Hehehehehehehehe.)

"Cimarra turned at the sound of a door opening. The first thing she saw was a pair of striking blue eyes. When they met with hers, she found herself surprised at her own thoughts.

He’s got honest eyes…

It took her a moment to be able to look away and take in the rest of this new arrival. A tall Elezen, he had short black hair with a bit of wave that framed his face. Her gaze caught on the single blue crystal earring hanging from his left ear before moving on to take in his armor, adorned with gold plating and accents, interwoven with black cloth and a sapphire blue robe.

She quite liked the ensemble, though she oddly found herself following the lines of blue all the way back up to his eyes.

The pondering of why could wait until later though.

Haurchefant watched Cimarra with great interest, noting how her eyes hadn’t left Aymeric since he’d walked in.

“Commander Leveilleur. It is both an honor and pleasure to meet you,” he greeted Alphinaud. Then his gaze flicked back to Cimarra before centering on Alphinaud. “I am Aymeric, lord commander of the Temple Knights.”

“Alphinaud Leveilleur, at your service,” Alphinaud said with a smile. “Your reputation precedes you, Ser Aymeric. I think we will find that we have much in common.”

Aymeric gave a nod. Finally, he was able to have a legitimate reason for his eyes to linger on the one who’d caught his attention since he’d entered the room. Golden hair shimmering with silver flowed over her shoulders, partially pulled back and decorated with three white flowers. But some strands still drifted around to frame her face and enchanting blue eyes.

So absorbed in her was he that Aymeric failed to notice Haurchefant’s amused grin off to the side.

“Speaking of reputations,” he said upon finding his voice, “yours towers over us all. Does it not?” It was not hard for him to see why. Her reaction intrigued him. She did not blush, as he might have expected. Instead, one of her long leporine ears twitched while merriment faintly glittered in her eyes.

Aymeric forced himself to glance at the taciturn Temple Knight standing beside him so he wouldn’t be caught staring.

“It does indeed, Lord Commander.”

Haurchefant nodded happily in agreement.

His gaze returning to Cimarra, Aymeric chose to admit a slightly embarrassing secret to her, wondering what her reaction would be this time. “I am not too proud to admit that I have followed your activities with an interest bordering on fascination. Full glad was I to learn that you would be joining us.”

Now, this did slightly surprise Cimarra. She blinked a few times, confused by the odd feeling in her stomach. The way he looked at her so steadily, so focused, made her wary. But his soft smile and warm aura lured her in.

While Cimarra was struggling with herself in a state of confusion, Aymeric broke the silence before it could grow awkward.

“Now then, shall we begin?”"

#ffxiv oc #viera #the characters tell the story i just write it #wolmeric #wolship #wol x aymeric #aymeric #I can't get enough of these two #why are they so cute #i still need to find a ship name for them...

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unseededtoast · 8 months

Text

Rectify | Bucky Barnes

Part 31/37 | Part Thirty, Part Thirty Two

Summary: I've lived every day for the past five years looking over my shoulder. I knew they'd come for me, it was inevitable. I was foolish to think I could outrun my past. It's followed me everywhere I go, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Never would I have anticipated that the shadows would lead me to the light.

Bucky Barnes x OC

Series Warnings: Discussion of human trafficking, alcohol consumption, graphic depictions of violence, sexual content, discussion of suicidal thoughts.

a/n: Hi everyone, thank you for checking this out, I appreciate any and all support! This series is also posted on Ao3 and Wattpad if you prefer those formats/platforms! This is a completed series, and it's going to take some time for me to transfer it to Tumblr, so please bear with me!

It hits me like a brick wall as I realize this could be my last night spent with him.

I wake up to bright fluorescent lights in my eyes. I squint and move my head side to side, I don't know where I am. Restraints hold me to a table when I try to sit up. The last thing I remember is being on the ship fleeing from Sokovia. I hear a door open and someone walks in. The table starts moving and puts me in an upright position. Fury is standing in front of me, arms crossed. I know I didn't leave him on good terms. He scowls at me,

"You have a lot of explaining to do, Averina." He breaks the silence. I swallow, my throat hurting from being dry.

"I can explain everything." I say, voice raspy.

"There will be time to explain, they're putting you on trial." He says.

"Who is?" I ask. I knew when I made the decision to help Wanda and Pietro escape that this was a possibility.

"Shield is. You'll be detained until the council comes together. You could be facing the rest of your life in the Raft."

"The Raft?" I ask, never hearing of it before.

"Max security prison out by Riker's." He says. He takes a few steps closer to me.

"All I have to say is that you better have a damn good explanation." I look into his eye before he turns and walks away.

I close my eyes as he walks out. When I explain what happened who knows if they'll buy it, they might still choose to lock me up. I know in my heart I did the right thing, at least I'll be going to prison with no regrets.

Someone else walks in and I open my eyes. Steve stands in front of me, scowl on his face.

"I don't even know what to say to you. I mean what happened?" He asks, obviously not happy with me.

"Bruce called and said Tony had done something with the gem and that there were rogue robots coming after us. I had to protect them all." I give him the abbreviated version of the whole story.

"And what was that with Bucky on the ship from Sokovia? I saw him kiss you." Is this really what he's concerned about right now?

"Steve, with all due respect I think there are bigger issues to focus on than my relationship with Bucky." This should be the least of our concerns right now and I'm baffled that it's even being brought up.

"I'll be on that council, just so you know." He says and turns to walk out.

"I figured out how to undo the programming, by the way. It's almost complete." He stops for a moment before walking out of the room completely. I hope he comes to his senses and votes logically during the hearing.

Almost immediately after Steve leaves, Bucky comes in. Finally someone I'm happy to see. I smile at him, and he smiles back but I can tell his mind is preoccupied.

"What happened?" I ask, trusting him to tell me everything.

"Well, we made it to the ship. Your arm got totally dislocated when I pulled you up and so they sent you here. They had to screw your arm back into the socket." He says and I nod.

"Well hey at least you're not the only one with a metal arm now." I try to lighten the mood a bit. He smiles and shakes his head,

"Only you could crack a joke when everything is going to hell." He says tenderly.

"Things going to hell is nothing new to me." I say and he sighs,

"Adalyn, I'm going to be honest with you. It's not looking good. They're putting you on trial and Tony is campaigning to put you away for life. There was talk about putting me on trial too but Steve struck a deal with Tony if they benched that." He looks into my eyes and things really start to set in.

"I mean I did commit crimes, Buck. I can't just expect to get off scot-free. If they do put me away, Wanda will undo everything. She has what she needs. I had the book and flash drive in my suit, you'll need to find that and destroy them." I say, giving him instructions in case I never see the light of day again.

"If anyone should be on trial it's Tony. He's the one who caused Sokovia's destruction." Bucky says with anger in his voice.

"Tony has money and connections, he'll never face any time." I say. Though it sucks, it's true.

"Yeah. Anyway, I'm here to get you. You're instructed to stay in the room until the trial." He says and undoes my restraints. He helps me onto the ground and out the door. I feel the pain in my shoulder. My arm is in a sling, which helps alleviate some of the pressure.

We walk quickly to the room to avoid the glances and glares from the others in the building. I can tell most of the people here are likely rooting for me to be put away. Hopefully if I can get my side of the story out they'll understand.

Once we get to the room I sit on the bed and Bucky locks the door. He runs a hand through his hair and sits next to me. I don't know what there is to say. I lean against him, and he puts an arm around me, being cautious to avoid my injured shoulder. If I am put away for life I'll probably never see Bucky again. I soak in the feeling of having him near.

"I don't want to go to prison." I say, the full effect of what might happen hitting me hard. I know I'll be in there with a clear conscience but I don't want to be away from Bucky. I don't think I could live without having him, I can't be without him again. He means too much. After all we've been through it can't end like this.

"We could run away. Disappear, like we never existed." He says. It sounds like a good idea, but I know it could never last long term. I look up into his eyes,

"You know that isn't sustainable." I say. He brushes my cheekbones with his thumb.

"We can make it work. Adalyn I can't live without you." He says and I see his nose turn red, he's holding back tears. With my good arm I pull him in for a hug.

"When is the trial?" I ask.

"First thing tomorrow." He says next to my ear. I know we're working with a limited timeframe. There's one last thing to do before I might get sent away.

"Go get Wanda and see if you can find the book and flash drive. We'll undo it here and be done with it finally. If I am sent away, at least I know you'll be okay and the Soldier is dead." I say and he backs away from the hug.

"Are you sure?" He asks, I nod.

"As long as you're ready." I say and he stands from the bed. He gives me a wordless nod and leaves the room. I stand from the bed and start nervously pacing. This isn't quite how I imagined this would go, but at least it's getting done after all this time.

After a few minutes the door opens again and both Bucky and Wanda walk in. Wanda smiles at me and the air in the room feels heavy and somber. I take a deep breath. I walk up to Bucky and look into his eyes, seeing the fear in them.

"Whenever you're ready we'll do this. It'll be okay, I'll be with you the entire time." I grab his hand and he squeezes it. He leans down and gives me a kiss, I feel the emotion and passion in it. I kiss him back with equal enthusiasm.

He breaks away from the kiss and brushes some hair behind my ear. He bites his bottom lip as he looks over my face. He gives me another quick kiss and then nods his head.

"Let's do this." Wanda hands me the book and flash drive. I place them on the bedside table and go to Bucky.

He sits on the bed and I kneel in front of him. I take both of his hands and hold them tightly. I can see that he's scared, I would be too if I were in his position but I know this will work. Wanda walks behind him quietly and takes a few breaths while she closes her eyes.

"Are we ready?" She asks, accent thick. Tears well in my eyes, along with Bucky's. He grips my hands, and I feel a tear trickle down my cheek.

"I'm ready." He says and keeps his eyes trained on me. I see Wanda behind him start to conjure her magic.

I don't give Bucky any indication of what's happening, I don't want to worry him. I smile and try to put him at ease the best I can. His baby blue eyes close as Wanda's magic touches his temples. His grip on my hands tighten, his metal hand almost crushing mine but I ignore the pain. His needs are more important right now.

I anxiously watch as Wanda works her magic on Bucky. Silently I say a prayer, hoping this goes smoothly. I know once this is done I'll have to say the words to make sure the Soldier is truly dead. I watch as Bucky's face contorts and relaxes, his eyebrows twitching every few seconds. I bite my lip, the waiting is unbearable.

Suddenly, his face is still. Wanda's magic starts retracting itself from his mind. I watch with wide eyes. This is the moment we've been waiting for. Wanda opens her eyes and has an unreadable expression on her face. The silence in the room is deafening. Bucky's grip on my hands goes lax and I watch eagerly, waiting for him to open his eyes.

His blue eyes shoot open and stare straight forward before landing on my face. I can't tell what's happening.

"Bucky?" I ask, more tears threatening to stream down my cheeks. What if something went wrong? He blinks a few times and stays silent, still looking at me.

I worry that it didn't work and he's having an adverse reaction. The simulation showed it would work, and it never failed me for the many years I used it. Tears spill onto my cheeks as my mind starts spiraling.

In the blink of an eye he stands and grabs me by the waist. For a split second I worry that he's the Soldier and that I might be getting killed. However, he spins us around and I see the look on his face, bliss. He sets me on the ground with the widest smile I've ever seen, the brightest twinkle in his ocean blue eyes.

"Adalyn." He says breathlessly. I smile as he leans down to kiss me, the taste of my tears intertwining with our lips. I break away and know there's one last step before we can truly celebrate. I lightly push him back onto the bed and he looks at me with confusion. I wipe my eyes and sigh,

"There's one last thing. I have to say the words to make sure it really works." I say and his face falls flat.

"Let's just get it over with." He says and I nod. I nervously crack the knuckles on my hand and stand in front of him.

"If for some reason it didn't work, I know how to control you. You won't hurt anyone, I promise." I say. He nods and sets his jaw tightly, staring straight. Wanda takes a few steps back. In my native tongue, I start the sequence I'm all too familiar with.

"Longing." I say, his face remains stoic.

"Rusted." My accent becomes more prominent. It's been a while since I've spoken in Russian, especially these cursed words.

"Furnace." His face remains still.

"Daybreak." I say, increasing the speed that I deliver the words. I'm feeling hopeful. Usually at this point he starts reacting to the programming.

"Seventeen." Still nothing.

"Benign." I see his jaw twitch. I pause, waiting to see if anything is going to happen. He doesn't seem to be struggling with anything at all.

"Nine." He licks his lips, still staring straight ahead.

"Homecoming." He turns his focus from the wall to me. I see life in his eyes.

"One." I say, feeling a smile threaten to show itself on my face. I don't want to get too hopeful just yet. There's one more word.

"Freight car." I say. I hold my breath and watch, our eyes locked on one another.

Breaking the tense atmosphere, Bucky stands and once again pulls me in for a hug. His body shakes and I feel wetness soak through my shirt. It worked. It really worked. We pull away from the hug and we're both crying. Tears stream down our faces as we kiss one another.

"You're free. You're finally free." I say, a sob coming over my body. My hands shake with excitement as I hold his face endearingly. I see Wanda back out of the room quietly. Bucky holds my face in his hands, his eyes red and streaming tears.

"I love you so much, Adalyn. You're my saving grace." He says and kisses me. My tummy flips as I hear his words. I kiss him back.

"I love you too, Buck." I say and he rejoins our lips. He's careful of my shoulder, and is gentle as he lays me down on the bed. He hovers over me, lips still attached.

His lips travel from mine, to my jaw, down to my neck and sends shivers down my body. He licks the sensitive skin on my neck and travels to my collarbones. His hands are firm on my waist, my body ignites with heat. I lean my head back against the bed and savor the feeling.

I feel his lips lightly suck on the thin skin covering my collar bones and a soft moan leaves my lips. His fingers travel from my waist and lift the hem of my shirt, exposing my skin to the cool air. His lips leave my skin as he hovers over me,

"Are you sure you want to?" He asks, lips plump and red. I nod my head, knowing I've never been more sure of anything.

"Yes, please." I say, wanting to feel his lips on me again. Without another word he trails kisses from my jaw, down to my neck, past my collar bones until he reaches my chest.

He places soft, tender kisses on me as his metal hand slides under my shirt and teases one of my nipples. A shiver comes over my body as my back arches into his touch. The coolness of the metal sends a feeling of pure bliss through me. My breathing picks up as he continues to tease me, his lips leaving wet marks over my chest and torso.

He slides my shirt up and over my head seamlessly. I watch as he admires my body, his usual bright blue eyes a shade darker, his pupils dilated. I lick my lips and wish he would return the favor for me. With my good hand I tug at the bottom of his shirt and he smirks,

"You want this off?" He asks and I nod my head. He stands straight and pulls it off, his perfectly toned torso on full display. I see the scars around his arm, nothing I haven't seen before. I've seen Bucky shirtless a number of times, but never in this context.

He tosses the shirt onto the floor and hovers over me again, our bare torsos touching each other. I arch into the contact and use my good hand to pull him down to me. I kiss him sloppily, feeling my body pulse with need and lust for him.

I wrap my legs around his waist and move so that I'm on top of him. His hands hold my waist and I lean down to kiss his jaw. His stubble tickles my face as I litter his jawline with soft, wet kisses. I feel his fingertips dig into my skin with each kiss. I grind my hips into his and moan as I feel him underneath me.

I kiss down his neck and flick my tongue on the spot he reacts to the most. He pushes my body down onto his, and I close my eyes in pleasure. I wiggle myself down to rest on his thighs and place a line of kisses down his torso. He tangles a hand in my hair and I look up at him as I lick from the top of his pants to the middle of his abs. He throws his head back onto the bed and his chest rises and falls quickly as he pants in pleasure.

I grind my hips on his thigh as I put my fingers in the waistband of his pants. He bucks his hips up and lets me pull his pants down. He's fully exposed and I waste no time. I lean down and put my mouth on the tip, my hand on the base. I start moving my hand up and down with my mouth, tasting his saltiness on my tongue. I hear a soft moan come from him and I smirk, happy that I'm pleasing him.

His hand tangled in my hair tugs lightly as he moves my head up and down. I take as much of him in my mouth as I can, and flick my tongue on the sensitive spot right underneath the tip. I feel his legs tense up and he moans again, tugging on my hair.

"Come here." He says through his heavy breathing and I move so that my face is above his. He moves his hands to my waist and flips us over so he's above me. He places sloppy kisses on my body, working his way down. He puts two fingers in my waistband on either side and slides my pants down. I feel the cool air hit the heat of my body.

His hands grip my hips and he kisses down from my belly button. I close my eyes and lean my head back as I feel his tongue on me. I push my hips into him, needing him closer. His tongue flicks up and down over my most sensitive part and I can't help but to let out a moan.

I feel two of his metal fingers slide inside me, causing me to gasp. One of my hands tangles in his long hair, keeping his face in place. His fingers pump inside of me, and I feel myself become more and more aroused. He continues this for a few more moments before he takes a break and comes back to me, his face above mine. I kiss him, tasting myself on his lips.

I reach down and grab him in my hands, pumping my hand back and forth. His eyes flutter, his lips wet from me. I guide him to where he needs to be and rub his tip on my clit before he slides inside of me.

We both moan, the feeling is indescribable. I feel myself grip him as he starts moving his hips back and forth. I bring my lips to his neck and flick my tongue back and forth, causing him to moan once more. I feel for his metal hand and guide it to my neck.

I show him how I want to be choked, and he applies pressure to the sides of my throat. He uses his other hand to hold the headboard. I feel the pleasure all over and moan out loudly. His hips grind into mine, hitting my sweet spot just right. I wrap my legs around his waist and look into his eyes, my mouth open and panting.

I see his eyebrows scrunch together as if he's focusing. I take my hand and move it to my chest, teasing myself. I moan again as I look into his eyes, his pupils grow wider. His lips fall open as he pushes himself into me over and over again.

As his hips keep hitting just the right spot over and over I feel my legs tense.

"Just like that, right there." I moan out, feeling that I'm close. He continues his fluid movements, pushing into me and hitting all of the right areas. I throw my head back onto the bed as my legs tighten around him and I clench around him over and over.

I feel his movements become less and less rhythmic until he pushes himself deep into me. He moves his metal hand from my neck as both of his hands grip my hips. I feel him twitch inside of me and I can't be bothered to care. It all feels too good to think straight.

We both breathe hard as he finishes inside of me, and I moan again as he slides out of me. He rests his head in the curve of my neck and I remove my legs from around his waist. I move over on the bed so he can lay next to me, and he does.

We lay silently next to one another. He kisses my forehead and pulls me close, so that my head is resting on his arm. I look into his eyes, happier than I've ever been before. I cup his face in my hand and run my thumb over the stubble on his jaw.

"I love you, so much." I say quietly. He leans in and kisses me, the two of us soaking in the moment.

It hits me like a brick wall as I realize this could be my last night spent with him.

#bucky barnes x oc #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky #bucky fanfic #hydra #bucky barnes fic #james buchanan barnes #marvel #steve rogers #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #the winter soldier #winter soldier

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goddevouringserpent · 10 months

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@kim-ono tagged me to do this several days ago but I haven't really been on tumblr lately (I'm so strong I deserve so many prizes for ignoring the urge to abandon work in favour of Microblogging Platform) so I've only just seen it. oops

Currently reading: Technically—if we're being extremely generous and stretching the meaning of the word "reading" until it's some sort of fucked up taffy or perhaps bubblegum—I'm reading Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. I started it near the end of May, put it down when I fell EXTREMELY ill in June, and never got around to picking it back up because I have a lot of work to catch up on that keeps piling up no matter what I do. (Which, on one hand, great, money for me; on the other hand, I'm so tireddddd, I want to read something for pleasure and not out of obligation :diosmio:)

Currently watching: Still going through Star Trek: TNG! When I'm over at my mom's we watch it every night at dinner; we're on... season 5, I think? Aside from that, I have yet to finish Wayne's latest Fin Fin stream, largely on account of—again—having precious little time to myself, and when I do finally have some time to myself either I'm so mentally exhausted that I can't focus or I end up deciding I'd rather spend that mental energy on other things.

Current obsession: In terms of interests, Elden Ring continues to reign supreme. I like other things well enough, even Iove them, but ER holds my attention like nothing else can. I'll sink hours upon hours upon hours into that game and to me it only seems like minutes have passed. The day the DLC finally releases is the day I fall off the face of the Earth for a month because I'll be too busy playing. (Although I heard that it's set to come out in Q1 or Q2 2024, instead of this year, which is devastating news to me; more likely than not I'll be in college by then and therefore extremely pressed for free time.)

And also a mixture of replaying VTMB and talking to Joy about DiscOCs VTM AU and vampire concepts has put me back in a very VTM mood. Not quite an obsession yet. But oh I am thinking.

The rules say to tag 9 people so uhhh lemme think. I'm not sure who's done this and who hasn't since, again, I haven't actually been on here a lot recently, and also not sure who's alright with me tagging them, but (absolutely zero pressure btw): @hate-not-wanting-a-name, @asordidbarwere, @nwfairy, @slavonicrhapsody, @1aim2kill3, and uhhh anyone else who wants to do this! (and feel free to say I tagged you! in fact that'd help me know who's OK with me tagging them for dash games going forward hahaha)

#Maia speaks #thank you for the tag Bee!! 🖤#I love dash games and being tagged in them hehehe they're always a lot of fun

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maccas-strawbi-sundae · 4 months

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✨💗 December 💗✨

♥ I got accepted into my course! It starts late next month, three days a week so hopefully I can go back to working outside of study just to help out my partner in regards to income (so long as it isn't customer service). I've been so anxious, I attended an info session with my partner and it would seem my class is primarily on the younger side and as we have to work on one another for practice it made me even more stressed.

♥ I am slowly getting around to trying all of the Muscle Nation products! I have been really unwell physically so I have been doing the minimum honestly.

♥ I picked out my wedding dress which surprisingly wasn't too bad of an experience? I had always expected the worst being someone on the bigger side e.g: nothing will fit, nothing will look flattering on me, I'm going to never find anything I like etc. Well, I did find something I like and ironically, it is by the same designer of the dress I originally fell for but, could not have as nowhere in the state where I live had it. I'll include a photo below but, for anyone who is interested in the finer details, the dress is the 7177+ by Stella York and the dress I had fallen for was the 7322+ by Stella York. Both dresses have a similar flow in terms of applique and design aha (you can also partially see my sternum tattoo hence the pink being visible on my chest).

♥ I had to cancel my rescheduled tattoo appointments as they were not feasible in terms of time (they were booked for days in which I'd be studying as, at the time I hadn't heard back) or money as I had all these things come out of nowhere all at once but, my regular tattoo artist thankfully was understanding as always and is willing to hold onto the designs for me for when I am able to come in.

♥ One of the more tedious tasks this year has been cleaning. It is an every day task but, I've always struggled with cleaning (outside of just regular dump whatever in the bin kind of cleaning). I can organise things but the actual take the time to clean has always been difficult for me. I get these odd moods now and again where I will spend hours cleaning, even deep cleaning appliances. Thankfully I had that happen today, I'd been wanting to clean out the fridge properly before Christmas and today that happened, I got down, pulled out all the shelves and cleaned it all, got in all the grooves and hard to reach spots too. I then spent some time doing all the dishes that were by the sink, re-organised all the cupboards and finally worked on the bedroom. It honestly came at a much needed time. Tomorrow I aim to organise all my clothes as this time of year I do a cull on clothes to donate.

♥ Alongside the cleaning, I've been trying to sort out what can go into storage (I have a storage locker, it costs $250AUD a month in rent) as our bedroom has been piled up with boxes but also little knick-knacks for a while not to mention my limited edition Care Bear plushes (which I keep in the box). I am part way there, just need to see when it can all go out to storage as my partner chose to put majority of his presents for me out in the storage locker.

♥ I think everyone tends to experience some kind of stuff around with grocery shopping for Christmas, unfortunately I am encountering it this year. Due to financial constraints it has been picking and choosing when and where can we get X, Y and Z. There is still 14 or so items that are needed (most go hand in hand for certain dishes) on my end since I cook every Christmas. This year there will be less than what we had last year however, we are attending my family's Christmas lunch this year so all that I'll be cooking is the dinner aspect but of course, a trifle will also be done up.

♥ Wedding planning is on the minimal side at the moment but, I've been thinking of having a sunset theme for photos e.g: people wear colours of the sunset so that when we take photos everyone stands out with different colours of the sunset. I think it would look really pretty. Oranges, yellows, pinks, purples and blues too. I actually have to order in a dress for my younger sister to try which is a really pretty 'dusty' blue.

#mental health #weight loss #health & fitness #personal #life #life update #ASD #autistic adult #studies #me #wedding #wedding dress #picsart #green #aesthetic

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cosmic--static · 2 years

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mk after getting dumped back into the "listen to the amazing devil way to much each day" phase, i gotta finally share my interpretations(analysis maybe?) of The Horror and the Wild Album. i'm gonna line the song youtube in the title of each song so that you can listen to it if you haven't heard it!

It's a little wordvomit-ty so be warned, this is gonna be a long one.

everything's below the cut!

Overall, the whole album seems to be about relationships of some sort and feelings for others (not necessarily the romantic kind!). I've seen other people say it's about love n stuff like that too so.

The Rockrose and the Thistle

Starting off with the plants in the title!

Cistus, or as we know it here, Rock Rose, is known to have certain medicinal properties! It can help with healing small external cuts and also help uplift your mood. Also, Rock Rose is said to symbolize strength, most likely because of its hardiness.

In terms of its properties, Thistle is also pretty good for your health, including being good for the immune system and bone health. As for its meaning, Thistle also seems to represent strength and courage.

Something probably unrelated but interesting I noticed while looking for information on both plants is that they both can be found in Mediterranean countries

Right off the bat, there's no "music". To me, it sounds more like winds howling at the top of a cliff or something, which fits with the first few lyrics "When you call to me asleep // up the ragged cliffs I scramble".

"A single thread hangs limply down // and I breathe not now, not now // and I find you all unwoven // trying desperately to sew // and I know the kindest thing is to leave you alone"

This song sounds like the narrator has just found someone they love grieving. Whether they are grieving a loved one, or perhaps the loss of a piece of themself, they are grieving and it isn't pretty per se. They're falling apart and the narrator doesn't know how to give comfort to this person, or the person isn't receptive to it. Despite all that, the narrator will stick by this person's side "and you'll wail, you'll scream, but I'll never stop // 'Cause it's all that I have left"

Then, "I wake and hear you calling // and up those cliffs I climb // and I find you with a thimble weeping // May I, I ask, may I?" The narrator is now being let into the person's walls, the next lines have the person give the narrator the thimble " 'Cause you've no clue how to sew" to sew them back together.

The Rock Rose and Thistle both symbolize strength, endurance, loyalty, and such, this song, to me, is about that exactly. Grief and loss are terrible to try to get through, but it's easier if you have someone you trust to help pull you back together.

The Horror and the Wild

I am normal about this song(lie). I have always listened to this song and thought of it as becoming more than what was expected of you. Being better than the adults in your life as a child thought you to be. It's the coming back to old family members who belittled you for something or another and showing them how you were successful not because of them, but because of your own strengths. It's being better than the things people say behind your back. ANyway, to the actual song.

"They thought us blind (we were just blinking) // All the stones and kings of old will hear us screaming at the cold"

"Think of all the horrors that I // Promised you I'd bring // I promise you, they'll sing of every // Time you passed your fingers through my hair and called me child // witness me, old man, I am the Wild"

These parts feel a lot like the realization that those people didn't believe in you, and the anger towards them that they thought so little of you. "How bold I was, could be - will be -- still am, by god, still am" You were strong before, you are strong now. Everyone is strong and the fact that you can't stand up against people sometimes doesn't make you weak.

"Welcome to the storm, I am thunder // Welcome to my table, bring your hunger"

This is someone standing up for their younger self. This is someone saying that they are more than just their parent's child. This is the dinner scene from Arcane where Jinx shows that she isn't Powder anymore.

Wild Blue Yonder

The lyrics for this one are hard because they intertwine so often.

"Without you(you) I'm stronger(you told me I was younger) I'm no longer (that I was) // Filled with wonder // How wrong you were"

I love how this song sounds more like a conversation at times. We start off with what sounds like reminiscing on old selves/relationships/conversations. Almost like laughing at how absurd things seemed years later.

"Let's wander, till the fuckers demand an encore // Flirting (wasn't flirting) // At the back of a bookshop // Come and rip off my socks like you're blasting the locks off of a bank vault. // Halt! // This time we're done for"

It's hurried love, love that both partners know won't last but are having fun indulging in. Like a little summer fling or something. The song is upbeat and fun sounding but there is an air of melancholy. The Greek word for love, Ludus, fits perfectly. It's a playful love.

There are parts of the song that sound genuinely affectionate or have that "falling in love" feel, almost turning the overall feel into a falling in love with your summer fling and just wanting to have a good time now so you won't regret it later.

The overlapping and talking over each other adds to the sense of unfamiliarity, but there's enough flow to show that they aren't complete strangers

Welly Boots

Welly Boots! Basically, they're just rain boots from what I gathered (correct me if I'm wrong). The beginning of the song talks about an oncoming storm and someone who has lost their welly boots.

"What's it like, the children ask? // It's just like falling snow, I am above you, // And I love you, don't you know // That I'll be with you all along, as long as you are kind // To those who are not strong and cannot find their scarlet welly boots"

I've always attributed this song to losing someone. Not necessarily loss as in death, but it could be a friendship that fell apart, the strained relationship between a once happy family. Any kind of loss.

"If only you could hear my voice // But you are screaming far too loud to hear me swear // Just because I left doesn't mean that I'm not still there"

All of our relationships affect us in some way. The impact of a relationship doesn't go away just because that relationship is gone. Pieces of those people and those relationships stick with us.

"And when you scream I’m not alright // And throw my picture at the wall // ‘You were supposed to be my light // And keep me safe against them all // How could you leave me here' you’ll scream // And louder, I’ll scream back to you from that unknown // And say // I know you’re strong enough to do this on your own"

This is the part that makes me attribute this song to loss. When someone you are close to leaves you, things may feel hopeless. The screaming back from the unknown that you are strong helps some people keep moving. To get back up and move forward. Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting.

There's a time skip in the song and the person still misses the person they lost. They feel hopeless again but

"Just when you're about to give up every hope you have you turn around // Perches by the stairs, someone's gone and left behind // A brand new pair of scarlet welly boots"

Welly boots are lost in the beginning of the song, introducing the loss. But welly boots are lost or left behind at the end only to be found by someone else. I can't really decide if "you can help others that are experiencing loss to help heal" is actually what I get from that, but it's what I'm going with for now. It calls back to the beginning also with "as long as you are kind //To those who are not strong and cannot find their scarlet welly boots".

I also love the beat drop after "Just because I left doesn't mean that I'm not still--" [Guitar and Drums kick in] "--there" Its completely unexpected when first listening to the song because it's so mellow and from the Rockrose and the Thistle we know the Amazing Devil isn't afraid to do a whole song that's mellow and practically a monologue.

Farewell Wanderlust

This song is filled with stuff about self-love, or the lack thereof. Self-loathing, bad anxiety, imposter syndrome.

"You don’t know it yet, but I’m the cupid of things // That you just didn’t get, that you struggled to say"

"Every time that you fumble, I’m the laugh from the back // When you think about him, my wings start to flap // When you make a mistake, my feet lift from the floor // And when you lie there awake every night love, I soar"

Every time there's a mistake, they start to feel good about themself, they feel like they might fit in, there's a voice in the back of their mind that says they aren't good enough. This is a struggle with self-worth and trying to convince yourself you're good enough.

"Farewell Wanderlust, you’ve been oh oh so kind // You brought me to this party but you left me here behind"

The wanderlust blocks out the anxiety, the self-loathing, and such, allowing you to do something without overthinking it, but when the high from wanderlust wears out, everything else creeps back in. Panic, anxiety. People ask the person if they're alright in the song, and at the first opportunity, they leave even if it might seem rude.

"I promise you I’m not broken // I promise you there’s more"

Welcome to the turning point of the song. The stomping down the anxiety, battling back against the hatred. This is saying I am more than this.

"Goodbye to all my darkness, there’s nothing here but light // Adieu to all the faceless things that sleep with me at night // This here isn’t makeup, it’s a porcelain tomb //This here is not singing, I’m just screaming in tune"

I love the last few lines of that quote so much. I love the "I'm not singing, I'm screaming in tune" because it feels like it's saying this is my story, I am screaming out my feelings even if they don't fully make sense.

Fair

The way this song feels like a letter to a loved one pouring your feelings out because you can't articulate them. Because you struggle to be sure of yourself, but you're so sure of them.

"And he adores her, he watches her get dressed as though she’s hurtling through time // Oh darling please be mine"

Have you ever fallen in love with your best friend? Yeah. This song feels like that. The growing up together and not noticing when exactly it happens, but eventually realize that you could just, exist in their presence forever.

"Oh how oh how unreasonable // How unreasonably in love I am with everything you do"

Send this song to the best friend you're in love with challenge!

There are so many small lyrics that just scream best friends. The jokes, the being comfortable with each other.

"I’ll spend my days so close to you cos if I’m stood here // Then I’m stood here // And I’ll stand here // I’ll stand here with you"

Back to just being able to exist in their presence. Yeah. This is Philla, the Greek word for love that involves friendship. Friends to Lovers type beat. This is staring at someone and smiling and deciding that this is the person you're going to love.

That Unwanted Animal

The stark contrast between this song and Fair is mind-blowing. Everything clues me into thinking that this is an unhealthy relationship, toxic love, and just generally obsessive love. The imagery is violent most of the time and the animal is fear-inducing.

"You try so loud to love me // But I cannot seem to hear."

It sounds like a relationship that no longer is love. As the song goes on, things get more and more negative, then "the creature creeps inside"

"The scratching grows so loud // Because that unwanted animal // Wants nothing more than to get out"

I would say that the creature, the animal, is the unspoken feelings of both the people in the relationship. It's clawing its way between them, things are unpleasant.

"Be good to me I beg of him ... // ... And he replies 'no no, not I'"

In short, the relationship isn't great. As the song progresses from the beginning, things get more and more negative, violent, and toxic.

Marbles

"I’ve held your hand since nineteen seventy nine, // You were in a band - still am - yeah but back then you had hair and your smile was so sublime // And I chipped my teeth on every joke you cracked"

This is an aging love. Growing old together but still loving each other and having fun. There's so much banter in this song, but so much affection. People changing together and poking fun at each other but still finding each other attractive. That's what makes this song beautiful. It's like hearing about someone's parents or grandparents who still very much love each other.

"The flat we rented was a palace for my queen // If by palace you mean that asbestos and beans from a tin, and the gin that we brewed in the bathtub // You sang ‘do you think I’m sexy’ And oh god I really did."

"And I'd sink to the floor, what’s the point anymore, // And you, you’d reply with a glint in your eye // (And you, you’d reply with a drink in your hand) // Saying ‘I don’t know, but I’m here, I’m all yours, dear heart don’t cry’"

We get playful, we get caring and loving. This song has it all. It's like reminiscing while sitting on your roof to watch the sunset. I love the familiarity of it.

Battle Cries

For our last song, I'm starting with a line from the middle of the song.

"This isn’t a break up dear heart, it’s a season finale."

It's a breakup song. Not in the typical sense of a "breakup song" where they're salty and stuff, but rather they've figured out that they're better just as friends.

There's so much these two people have gone through together, they're happy with each other, but not in the romantic sense. There's a lot of reassurance and uplifting in this song.

Along with the platonic love, I also see it as two people who have been through a lot, finding comfort in each other

"But that creaking you hear in my bones is not pain, it’s applause"

#I started this at 3am #its now 8am #the amazing devil #TAD #joey batey #madeleine hyland #the horror and the wild #the horror and the wild album #music #pov i make analysis of a whole album at 3am #my computer is almost dead now #almost 2.5k of my wordvomit #cosmo rambles #ty to crei for being my dot connecting buddy as we looked through the lyrics of the whole album

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isekyaaa · 11 months

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Things I've learned from Kaveh's hangout (spoilers):

Kaveh can do complex math in his head

He has very nice handwriting and will annotate a book better than the book itself

He is well aware of the fact that he used to, and still may, be idealistic due to his sense of guilt

When it comes to disagreements regarding decisions, he's the kind of person that'll bitch to your face and call you unreasonable, then would turn around and meet you the next day with ideas on how to make your ideas work

He is not completely blinded by idealism, nor by practicality either. He understands the importance of objective things as well as subjective

He understands the motives of different people and is willing to try and convince them on their terms

He's very easy to please

Tighnari has a good sense of smell

Tighnari is not the type of person that resorts to affection and soft care when he notices you're down. He'll say you look like shit, ask you outright if you feel like shit, and then will invite you over to hang out. He'll also scold your friend if he notices they did not take proper care of you when you're in your depressed state lol

Tighnari apparently knows about birds too, not just mushrooms

Cyno's dad likes telling lame jokes too

Alhaitham knows who Collei is and was willing to help come help Tighnari come up with a very reasonable curriculum for her

He also will straight up cross out conjecture an author wrote in their published books if he thinks it's stupid

The Akademiya allows students to write in the books located in the House of Daena

Now some extra thoughts.

While I am not an artist myself, I do understand Kaveh's work process of bitching at unreasonable demands and then doing his best to make them work. While one can say this is because of his ideals and that he views the demands of others as more important than his own (to which Alhaitham mentions at one part), I personally don't think that is completely the case.

I think when you love your job, you're always wanting to improve. You want to see if you can make the impossible possible, even when it causes you a lot of stress. There's nothing more liberating than struggling for hours and days on something and then finally finishing it to meet all or most of your expectations. There is joy in challenges and in a satisfied customer. They do touch on this a bit in the hangout that while Kaveh's job does cause him a lot of stress, he wouldn't be stressed if he didn't love it.

Overall, when Kaveh is viewed in the light of Alhaitham, he becomes a dramatic pathetic broke nag that lives in Alhaitham's house. He becomes the babygirl that everyone wants to dote on, the subject of many hurt/comfort stories of a depressed man. Kinda similar to how Diluc is viewed in light of Kaeya. Emotional issues galore.

This hangout shows that Kaveh, though temperamental, is actually quite reasonable. While he does tend to question whether he's being punk'd a lot, he's not in denial regarding his weaknesses or motives. He's aware of his faults. While he seems like the type that gets fixated on little things, turns out he's actually fixated on the bigger picture. He sees how different factors play together to create a unified meaningful whole.

If you ask my personal opinion of where he is now, he's the kind of person that is in a good place, but easily drops down into negative habits when faced with trouble. This isn't due to some personal weakness or insecurity, but mostly just an aspect of his personality. The reason why I say he's in a good place despite falling many times is that he is self-aware of his unhealthy habits and has introspected deeply about them.

I can't really say that Kaveh is any type of extreme. He loses sight of things. He loses sight of himself. He will indulge in unhealthy habits when he's in his moods. But to me, it doesn't seem like he indulges in these negative moods to his detriment. While he may self-sabotage from time to time, he does not show an addiction to that negative state.

If anything, he is just the kind of person that needs someone to help recenter him when he gets into those moods, similar to how the traveler did in his hangout. And once he recenters himself and is able to think clearly again, he starts to move forward once more.

#analysis

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fimproda · 9 months

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Yes I read Zoya's one it was awesome, I sent an ask too. I hope you write the scene as I loved how you wrote the smut for the acotar ones and I'm curious on how you see their dynamic, do you see them as gentle and caring or more adventorous and rough? only bedroom or more locations like Nessian?

Also I read you were thinking on expanding the gwynriel one, I like that possibility, it was very sweet. Also I liked the part where you touched Gwyn's trauma in Constellations

I said it once and I'll say it again: Gabrily were easily the horniest couple in TID, and it only makes sense that they'll keep on being horny for the duration of their lives; so, I see them voicing their desire and acting on it in a variety of moods and locations.

Strictly speaking about this future smutty OS, I still don't know how I'll write it, as most of my Rated-R scenes come to me in the heat of the moment, and only a handful of them are pre-ordained (like the Nessian scene in Constellations, chapter 5, where I kind of needed them to be in the bathtub).

Moving on: speaking of Constellations, I'm truly happy (and pretty proud of myself, I have to admit) that you liked the way I tried to come to terms with Gwyn's trauma in chapter 4. If I've understood correctly, there's an ongoing discussion in the fandom about this very thing, since apparently some people don't approve of fanarts and/or pieces of fanfiction where Gwyn is depicted while enjoying sex. It's just... I can't even get started on this topic, or I'll become unhinged in a matter of seconds.

If I had been a lesser person, I would have responded to each and every one of them with a link to the aforementioned chapter, or even just borrowed Moana's words: "I spent years sitting on my ass, studying tome after tome after tome, practicing for countless hours, and then finally getting my degree... only to be told that I am worthless and females don’t deserve to have sex without pain."

(Of course, here Moana is talking about another aspect of the problem, but you know what I mean.)

Alas, I don't like to advertise my works when unprompted, so I just scoffed at them and scrolled on. Some people don't deserve to be engaged in conversation, as they usually don't have the necessary skills to conduct one.

Back to Gwynriel: yes, I can now confidently tell you that there will be a Gwynriel long after Constellations is completed. To be honest, I'm thinking about turning it into a Gwynriel/Elucien (working title In the shadow of the sun, for obvious reasons), or writing an Empire of Storms/Tower of Dawn type of complimentary (?) story. What's certain is that Constellations is going to have an epilogue in addition to its nine chapters, and this epilogue will sow the seeds for the upcoming narrative.

Hit me up if you want some snippets and/or if you'd like to try and predict what's going to happen!

#ao3 writer #read on ao3 #ao3 fanfic #ao3 #fanfiction #fanfic #writers on tumblr #my writing #writeblr #gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #azriel #gwyn x azriel #pro gwynriel #nessian #nessian fanfiction #gabrily #the infernal devices #the last hours

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theoldaeroplane · 10 months

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jouwnaling

had a really, really nice day yesterday, was just in a lovely mood all day. I think it may have been related to the fact I did not get high the night before, so I'm going to try to test that theory and dial my usage down. I really enjoy weed and think it has a lot of benefits, especially for neurodivergent folk, but I'm recognizing that I used it as a way to cope with my situations last year. I'd like to wean myself off it a bit and be more present now that my life is starting to not suck. Still gonna keep it around for fun and really bad ruminating though. Weed makes it so much easier for me to hang out with people in person for a long time, and to go into overstimulating spaces.

Been having tons of fun rotating my version of Link in my brain for Antebellum (the WIP name of my LoZ fic). He has so many problems. He is a dumb motherfucker. I'm also consciously putting a lot of things I've been struggling with into this story, both to process them for myself and to give the fic, you know, that extra layer of authenticity, relatability? It's nice, I'm excited to be excited again. I'm gonna fuck up that elf boy so bad.

Had my second yoga class last night, it was nice. I'm not sure if I can afford to keep going but I'm going to try to. In a way it feels silly to pay for something I could technically do for free at home with a YouTube video, but I think the atmosphere makes a significant enough difference to be worth paying for.

Finally made a vet appointment for the dog. She needs her shots and I can't put off the fact she needs dental surgery any longer.

I really, really need to reopen commissions, but I still feel burned out on art. I'm trying to make some adoptables and YCHs as a middle ground. Haven't had a lot of success there yet. That said, I've been putting a lot of my energy into cleaning up my house and taking care of myself. The house is coming along really well, and hopefully soon I'll have it leveled out enough to make it a nicer space for my creative endeavors.

I applied for another job this week, one totally out of my field and experience: house cleaning. It's not something I'd ever considered, but I found the listing by chance and it occurred to me that a job where I just clean and listen to podcasts sounds like heaven. Especially for my autistic ass. No constant stream of customers. No dress shirts. No repeatedly explaining terms and price sheets. Just show up and clean. I'm sure such a job has its own frustrations (hard on the body, exceptionally gross houses, telling people when something is not in my job description, driving a lot), but, like. My current job---while I genuinely like a lot of the work, and I really love my boss and coworkers---the customer service aspect is killing me, the dress code brings back bad memories, and even though I'm working full time (over full time, even, I'm there 8:30-5 because I take a thirty minute lunch break) I'm not making enough to fully support myself. I keep getting sent home early because there's nothing for me to do, and my boss is only a regional manager and has been very forthcoming with the fact I am already at the absolute highest end of the payscale for my position without taking on more responsibilities.

The fact that I can be working full time and still have to rely on a side hustle, and even THEN can't put anything aside for savings, is awful. I can't do more hours, I can't take on more responsibilities, and I can't get a second job. Any of those things would seriously compromise my mental health and I have to take care of myself. I've always dreaded it when I'm asked to take on more responsibilities at my jobs. I don't want advancement, I don't want to manage anyone (I can barely manage myself!), I don't give a shit what my title is. I want to do my work really well, get paid, and go home.

And the cleaning job, at the absolute lowest end, still pays about 5k more per year than my current position.

So, currently, yeah, housecleaning sounds like a dream job. Show up. Clean. Leave. Repeat. The company in question also has glowing employee reviews on Glassdoor, with the worst things being "could pay better" and "sometimes there's favoritism." I don't have any qualms about """being a maid""" on like a social level or whatever. I like the idea that I would be making a tangible difference for individuals, instead of printing out hundreds of advertising mailers that are going to go directly into the trash. I finding cleaning very satisfying. I like the idea of not sitting around bored because there's no customers and nothing to do and I'm not allowed to have my phone out, and then getting sent home early so I miss out on half my pay for that day. And so much less masking! My god! It sounds like paradise!

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but sometimes that's because it really is better grass.

So. Hoping to hear back about that soon. I filled out a questionnaire thing for them yesterday that seemed like it was basically checking to see if I was a narcissistic sociopath or not. I have a weekend without any Special Events happening for the first time in like a month, just my tabletop games and my volunteer work. My clothes and bedding are all washed, I got most of the dog piss smell out of the carpet from when I was too exhausted to take her out often enough, and I cut my hair. I have a writing project again. I've been making new friends and reconnecting with old ones. I adore going out to the barn every saturday. My therapist says I'm doing really, really well. Everything's coming up Corgi, for now. Fingers crossed :)

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