#best dating sites for over 50
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we need to talk about Inprnt.com
Following a really good post with more screenshots and evidence by @dynasoar5 i'm going to talk about my own experiences with @inprnt and why I am about to put my shop on indefinite hiatus from Monday the 14th of August.
First of all I'll say that since starting my print shop last year it has been a significant help to me financially - I was able to not worry about affording car insurance or motor tax (together commonly over a thousand euro) when I bought my first car, for example. I am immeasurably grateful to anyone who chose to buy one and I treasure all the pictures I've been sent of my prints hanging up on people's walls. Right now they are displayed in a real (if small) art exhibition in my home town.
(top right print is not from inprnt though)
They're great prints. Never had any complaints about them. But here's what's going on behind the scenes.
Earlier this year, around March or April, Inprnt sales started increasing in regularity. I'd made as much as $600 a week during previous sales when I made proper promo posts here, but with this increase in regularity, I felt that I couldn't make promo posts every single week. And then one day, I'm not sure when tbh, the sale just never ended. It just didn't stop having that "Ending soon! 15% off your order" banner at the top of the site. Right now it says "Final Hours: $5 Worldwide shipping and save up to 35% off your order!" and not even for a second do I believe in this final hours bullshit. It's been 'final hours' for weeks now. Months, even.
Why is this a problem? Well, how tf am I meant to make a promo post for a sale that is always "ending soon!!" and then never ends. One week it'll say "this weekend only!!" and then when the weekend is over, the sale banner just changes its wording and the sale doesn't end. I can't promo this, it makes me look like a liar and a skeevy salesman by association! It makes the site look like it's 1 week from crashing and burning, and the site owners are just scrabbling to suck as much money from artists as possible before they drown.
And they are sucking money from us. To peel back the curtain, Inprnt money can only be transferred to my paypal account 30 days after the sale is made, just in case the order is cancelled and refunded. This means I used to make one withdrawal every couple of months, when there was enough build-up of money to make it worthwhile. It also forbids withdrawing any sum under $50 btw. I would make a withdrawal request and then, after a 10 business day wait, it would reach my Paypal account.
Not anymore! The past few withdrawals have taken over a month to complete. They are straight up keeping my earnings from me for longer the agreed period. This was my last fulfilled withdrawal:
Note the date.
Almost two months.
And here is the latest withdrawal request that still has not been fulfilled.
It's coming up on 1 month and if the pattern continues, it could literally be November or December by the time I fully clear all sales.
So what's going to happen to my print shop? Because my art is currently being exhibited with a QR code linking to the shop, I can't close the shop this week. Instead I will close it on Monday the 14th of August, next week. That means that on the 14th of September, I can withdraw all of the remaining money without having any left over. My account balance will go to 0 and stay there. Although I'll de-list my prints I will leave my account there, because at the end of the day I don't want to leave Inprnt. It still offers the best artist margins and as I'm now unemployed after graduating, the additional support is such a load off my mind. So this is a chance to wait and see - if they improve their services, I'll happily re-open.
It's a big deal to me because selling prints is sort of my ideal life as an artist. I never had the attention span or self-discipline for commission work and I found that it left me creatively stagnant. I always want to try new things, new concepts and ideas, and being able to think "yeah, people will like this as a print" while I experiment is honestly very reassuring. And I know that in going on hiatus, it'll break a lot of "buy a print" links in my circulating posts. Oh well lmao. If you want to buy a print right now - go ahead, it might be your last opportunity. Another way to support me would be to check out my ko-fi for once-off donations or some nice sketchbooks/comics/book samples you can buy, or subscribing to my Patreon.
As of right now, Inprnt owes me $381 (the unfulfilled request submitted above for $186.60 and my current standing balance of $194.80 which takes 30 days from each transaction to clear).
#it's so god damn insulting u know. even redbubble threw its shitty payouts directly into my paypal asap#inprnt
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Feminism has always, always had a history with Racism and White Supremacy - particularly in a way that promotes fascist leaning "Protection for Me and Mine" type "activism".
There have always been several Upper Class, White, Women at the helm of Feminist movements and it is something Poor, Working Class, Women of Color have been vocally criticizing since the First Wave.
I mean, US Americans, did you not learn about Sojourner Truth? Have you not read "Ain't I A Woman?"? It is one of the most famous early accounts of the racialized nature of gender. It perfectly highlights the way the social aspects of gender have always been barred from People of Color in a way they aren't barred from White People in a firsthand historical account.
Women's Suffrage, and subsequently the First Wave of Feminism was an actively Racially Segregated movement. White Suffragettes intentionally campaigned for themselves and themselves only because they thought that campaigning for Black, Immigrant, and Indigenous Women would undermine their own movement. They did not seek liberation for women, they sought the Systemic, Institutional Power of their White Male Peers and they got it - by intentionally leaving Women of Color behind them.
This is most evident in the fact that White Women received the right to vote in 1920, but Black Women did not receive the right to vote until 1965 with the Voting Rights Act. Almost 50 years later. That is over half a lifetime. This was also only approximately 2-3 years before Radical Feminism and the Second Wave began around 1967~1968.
If you think racial segregation and racism in the Feminist Movement ended with Black Women's suffrage and completely dissipated within the two years it took for the Second Wave to pick up it's feet, you are naïve at best and actively racist yourself at worst. The Women's Liberation Movement / Radical Feminism have always been White Woman's movements riding the coattails of the Suffragette's racism.
Look at the website for the Women's Liberation Front. WoLF is one of the original Radical Feminist organizations. It was founded in the late 60's and is one of the largest Radfem organizations to date. Now. Look at their board. Look at the photos of women they choose to include across their site. Look at the women who are speaking at their events. Beyond one or two token Black Women, it is a sea of Whiteness.
You know who is a special advisor to WoLF and the founder of the group "Standing for Women"? Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull, aka Posie Parker. Kellie-Jay is the woman who popularized "Woman means adult human female" as an anti-trans slogan. Kellie-Jay is also real good buddies with - you guessed it! Neo-Nazis and White Supremacists!
WoLF also takes money from the Alliance Defending Freedom, (ADF) a Right Wing Christian Organization, and it's members have worked directly with the Heritage Foundation, a Conservative organization founded during the Reagan Presidency.
Radical Feminism as a political movement cares about the lives and held power of White Women under the guise of "Women's Liberation" in the exact same way as their foremothers, the Suffragettes. It's a foundationally White Supremacist movement. Black Feminists, Indigenous Feminists, Immigrant Feminists, and Colonized Feminists have been talking about this for over a century but it falls on White ears so why would they listen.
#original post#long post /#anti radfem#anti radical feminism#anti terf#feminism#feminist#anti racism
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If They Had Dating Profiles
Format modelled after Bumble
So many profiles either disgust me or make me laugh so here it is
All characters have been aged up to 18 or above for this btw
Dormleaders
Riddle Rosehearts
Pictures: His top pic is his passport photo, he’s wearing the full suit, tie and blazer and his hair is perfect. The rest of the pics follow this pattern.
About Me:
My name is Riddle Rosehearts and I intend to date with the intent of marriage so if you are seeking “something casual”, please swipe left.
I will not tolerate smoking, drinking in non-social settings, an untidy presentation, inappropriate language, or any of that “fwb” nonsense. Thank you.
My Basics: Has every category filled out except for height
Leona Kingscholar
Pictures: Only one photo and the angle is tilted upwards from his chin while he’s lying down, it’s also kinda blurry
About Me:
fwb or chess
My Basics: Mf only has his height filled out
Azul Ashengrotto
Pictures: His top pic is of him cutting the opening ribbon to his restaurant and the rest are perfectly tailored, photoshoot level pics of him doing things like signing papers, wiping his glasses or casually leaning against an expensive car
About Me:
Proud owner of the restaurant, Mostro Lounge, the product of my blood, sweat and tears.
If we have our first date in my restaurant you get a 50% discount on all items 😊.
My Basics: Pretty much everything is filled out
Kalim Al-Asim
Pictures: A really cute pic of him doing the thing where he’s standing in front of the Eiffel tower and pinching his fingers to make it look like it’s in his fingers, the rest are of him with dorky filters on or more travel pics at famous landmarks
About Me:
HIII, im a hugee extrovert and i love love LOVE going to partyz so if you wanna come too just hmu!! lookin to go on dates but if you wann just hangout i don’t mind either ^^
I LOVE spoiling all my friends and family with gifts so get readyy HEHEHEHE
My Basics: Yup filled out
Vil Schoenheit
Pictures: Literally the best pictures you can find on the site, you probably won’t believe it’s him until you meet him irl, they’re that gorgeous. If Azul’s was photoshoot level, Vil’s is AI generated level
About Me:
Yes, I am the real Vil Schoenheit, if you don’t believe me, the photos I’ve used can’t be found anywhere else on the internet.
My MagiGram is vilschoenheit_real
My Basics: Only a select few are filled out for privacy reasons
Idia Shroud
Pictures: Only one and it’s an anime character
About Me:
hmu on valo lsersss lmaoooo @ is nekurasamurai
pls swpe right if ur a gamer uwu
My Basics: Nothing is filled out but gender and height
Malleus Draconia
Pictures: Black screen with red edges you can tell he accidentally took a pic facing away from him and his finger was in front of the camera
About Me:
is this the text to speech function oh hello child of man i am cooking looking for a suitable spouse that will rule over the valley of horns thorns with me thank you
My Basics: N oth ing
#twisted wonderland#twst#twst headcanons#riddle rosehearts#leona kingscholar#azul ashengrotto#kalim al asim#vil schoenheit#idia shroud#malleus draconia#twst riddle#twst leona#twst azul#twst kalim#twst vil#twst idia#twst malleus
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.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ VENUS VICTRIX ... THE THRID FULL ALBUM !
Venus Victrix is the third full album of the fictional South Korean girl group VENUS. The album was released by Flowerbank Entertainment on December 18th, 2023. Before the release of the highly anticipated album, the girls released two pre-release singles, "DRAMA" and "I AM THE BEST," both getting two weeks of promotions and being met with widespread praise. With a total of twelve songs, VENUS would promote "THE BOYS", "UNTIE", and "BYOB (bring your own bestie)" for three months.
Venus Victrix has a total of 12 tracks, with all the girls having writing credits on every song. The tracklist is nearly entirely produced by other people as Venus decided to take a step back from producing for the time being, with the exception of "Making The Bed," which is written, composed, and produced by Chloe.
Long-time creative director Adrian Reyes produced a majority of the album alongside Ideal Music producer CLOSURE AKA Zion of Arm Candy, THATZTY AKA Tyler of Sunlite, Piper of SNS, Yuki of SNS, LULU formerly of ALLUME, SOOORA AKA Sora formerly of ALLUME, TSUISON AKA Noah of DeepDive, DOWN2LEE AKA Finn of DeepDive, and most notably Lee Chang.
The girls were given the honor of picking a song from the Flowerbank Vault, choosing "I Love You" out of the 50 songs within the Flowerbank Vault. All money earned from the song will go to his mother.
TRACK OO1. THE BOYS
TRACK OO2. I AM THE BEST
TRACK OO3. DRAMA
TRACK OO4. UNTIE
TRACK OO5. I LOVE YOU
TRACK OO6. BYOB (bring ur own bestie)
TRACK OO7. 7SECONDS
TRACK OO8. THAT GIRL
TRACK OO9. WE'LL TALK LATER
TRACK O10. THROUGH YOUR WINDOW
TRACK O11. TALLY
TRACK O12. MAKE THE BED
Venus Victrix, received an impressive number of pre-orders, indicating its widespread appeal. Within just six days of the pre-order period starting, the album had received over 800,000 pre-orders, and by December 12th, the number of pre-orders had reached one million. Out of these one million pre-orders, 670,000 came from Korea, while 340,000 were from the US and Europe. Moreover, a limited edition vinyl of only 18,888 copies had sold out within days, further highlighting the album's popularity. As per the latest reports, the album had accumulated 1.2 million physical sales worldwide by January 12th.
The album debuted at the top spot of the Gaon Album Chart and broke the record for first-week sales on Hanteo among girl groups. It sold an impressive 590,000 copies in just one day after its physical release date. Gaon Chart would go on to announce that Venus' album received an official million certification after selling over a million copies in South Korea on January 22nd.
Undoubtedly, their highest performing album yet, VENUS, would be virtually unavoidable for the three months they were promoting, whether it be their songs being played on the radio or their faces on billboards; Venus was everywhere. Citizens would dub this era "The Venus Virus" as it seemed everyone and their mothers were listening or talking about the group during this time.
Venus was gaining popularity not only in South Korea but also worldwide. Venus Victrix made its debut at number two on the US Billboard 200 chart, with a total of 110,000 album-equivalent units. This includes 81,000 pure album sales, 26,000 stream-equivalent sales, and 2,000 track-equivalent sales.
Pitchfork would go on to rank the album 8.1 out of 10, making it the second highest-rated album on the site. "Venus not only pushes the boundaries of K-pop with their stellar vocal performances but also elevates the genre with 'Venus Victrix.' The album's catchy hooks and dance-worthy tracks are complemented by lyrics that delve into deeper themes, making it a standout release in the world of pop music."
Multiple Youtubers would go on to review/react to Venus Victrix. Music reviewer Anthony Fantano would be the first to review the album, giving it a 7.8 overall.
"While 'Venus Victrix' has its merits, I can't help but feel there's a missed opportunity here. The vocals and lyricism are commendable, but the overall sound lacks a certain adventurous quality. It's a solid 7.8, but I expected a bit more risk-taking from Venus."
Twitter's favorite reactionary Zach Campbell would go onto react to "The Boys" music video, heavily praising the girls and the song for it's energy and visuals. Unlike Fantano, Campbell would go on to become a darling amongst Constellations.
"This music video is like a visual feast. [...] Venus is playing in a league of their own!"
Most notably, AJay Delux would post her video "Venus Victrix - First Listen." just two weeks after the album dropped. Her review of the album was very positive, praising the girls for their vocal talent and versatility. Sena and Jiah would go on to post the video on their stories, thanking her for her review and mentioning how much they love her videos. AJay would go on to rate the album a 8 out of 10.
"Alright, that was a wild ride through Venus's 'Venus Victrix.' The vocals and lyricism held it together, and the diversity in sounds across the tracks kept it interesting. I'm giving this a solid 8 out of 10. Venus delivered the fun pop with meaningful lyrics they promised."
OO1. LOTS of interactions with other idols, especially for TikTok! Venus tends to stay in their bubble most of the time, but this time around, they really put themselves out there! Even bliss was socializing more, which is something constellations haven't seen since FOREVER. They mainly did the "BYOB" challenge with other idols, but for a few (mainly girl idols, lol!), they did the "UNTIE" challenge, which constellations ate up!
OO2. The long promotional schedule seemed to confuse a lot of fans with how fast-paced the industry seems to be nowadays. "I felt like we missed out on an opportunity with Burn The Witch by only promoting it for such a short period of time," Creative director Adrian Reyes would go on to explain at a press conference, "Things move too fast, and I want to change that. Venus is supposed to not be like other groups, which is why we went with what I feel is a proper promotional schedule. If it was full up to me, I'd promote this album all year." And while a majority of the internet knew what he was getting at, disgruntled K-pop stans on Twitter took this as an opportunity to frame Venus as "Pick Me's" and "Not Like Other Girls," which caused a multitude of fan wars on the site. None of the girls use the app, so they didn't see or care.
OO3. For the three-month promotional period, they will promote a different song and b-side for that month. For Dec-Jan, they promoted "The Boys"; for Jan-Feb, they promoted "BYOB" and concluded promotions with "Untie" in March. This gave fans an insane amount of content to be and look forward to, making sure none of their fans were bored. Even then, they still caused problems on every social media site they could.
OO4. Through their reality-styled web series, "VenusVentures," they would give their fans an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at the making of Venus Victrix. However, the chaos backstage would turn out to be more entertaining than anyone expected. From funny bloopers during dance rehearsals to unexpected moments during the photoshoots, the web series was a hit, with many of the clips taken from the show going viral.
One of the more notable clips to go viral was a clip of Baebi and Chloe arguing over what they're going to have for dinner after they finished filming.
"I want a fruit bowl," Baebi would snap at Chloe over her shoulder, who would huff and flip her hair over her shoulder, looking annoyed as usual.
"I want Thai food. You always want nasty fru-"
"And action!" The director would shout, cutting the girls' fight off. Both of the girl's expressions would change in a split second, their annoyed ones being wiped away and replaced with fierce and confident ones, and the intro to The Boys would play. The clip, while not only hilarious, showed off the girl's professionalism and dedication to their craft.
OO5. Though there were A LOT of fan events organized by Flowerbank, one of the most notable ones would have to be the art gallery they put on. Venus invited Constellations to submit their fan art to Flowerbank to be displayed in a "Venus Gallery" as well as hold an art competition where the winners would receive not only VIP tickets to their upcoming tour but also to have their art incorporated into Venus' official merch, and also $10,000. The members of Venus personally selected the three winners. The event became one of the most special and heart-warming events between constellations and Venus, causing much buzz and conversations around all corners of the internet.
OO6. Though the girls are known for their versatile concepts, the music video for "Through Your Window" surprised many fans with its controversial yandere concept, which was a bit surprising due to the song's light and almost mystical sound. The visuals, though beautiful, depict the girls stalking their love interests and presumed murdering him after they see him talking to another girl. "We could've gotten Venus as fairies, but instead, we got them killing men," one fan would tweet, though another fan would quote the tweet in defense of the video, saying: "I would actually like to see Venus kill more men idk why yall are complaining," causing an internal fan war. Though the video's concept was questioned, the girls acting and visuals were highly praised, and a selfie of Bliss with blood splattered on her face soon joined the "the most annoying mfs have this picture as their icon" list.
OO7. Of course, it's not a Venus comeback without some drama. Chloe's iCloud would be hacked, leaking multiple pictures of her with a lesser-known actor, Jeon Juyeon. What really caused controversy around this was not the fact the pair might be dating but that Juyeon was Chloe's long-running fansite "CozyChloe," having over 50k followers on his fansite Instagram account. This blew up the internet essentially, causing just a shitstorm for literally everyone. The rumors only got worse when Juyeon went on to deactivate CozyChloe and private his personal account. Chloe would catch a lot of heat for this, a lot of people saying she's abusing her power as an idol and taking advantage of her fans. Though their relationship was never confirmed, Chloe would go live on the official Venus account, issuing an apology in front of the infamous "apology wall" at Flowerbank Entertainment.
OO8. More importantly, they'd collaborate with Tate McRae! Venus would release an English version of Untie with Tate on it, even performing the version with the pop star a few times. Most notably, they'd perform with Tate on the show with her acting as a six-member, causing a lot of jokes and memes between the two fandoms. While Tate was in Korea, Venus would make her an honorary sixth member, letting her stay in the dorm and taking her to their favorite restaurant. While the collaboration was a bit sudden and off guard, many people found the girl's bond cute and wholesome. The vlogs, including Tate, would go on to reach a collective 12 million views.
OO9. The outfits for Untie would come under fire by religious organizations, saying the outfits were too promiscuous and revealing for television. At first, the girls would ignore the accusations, but once the internet caught hold of them, it blew up and was impossible for them to ignore. "While I don't agree with them, I do understand why old people would think a strappy tank top is promiscuous," Sena would go on to say when asked about the controversy, "I think it's important as artists that we're allowed to express ourselves even if that means showing our shoulders. So, I guess don't watch it if you don't like it. It seems kind of easy. We're adults. I thought we knew that." And she'd give a cute smile and a fingerheart, causing the audience to laugh.
O10. Towards the end of their promotions, VENUS would announce their third world tour! In April, the girls will travel to 22 countries, performing 66 shows all around the world. This will be their most extensive tour yet. The tour was announced via a promotional video posted to their YouTube channel. The video was set in a cyberpunk setting, with the girls dressed in sleek and futuristic outfits while walking through a city, being the only ones in black while the citizens are dressed in white. "Do you feel different?" The girls would ask in various languages, such as Korean, English, Thai, Mandarin, Japanese, and Vietnamese. The video ends with all five of Venus in front of a massive screen that is surrounded by little screens. The screens glitch for a moment before flashing white, the phrase "(IM)DIFFERENT." appearing on all of them, revealing to be the name of the tour. It's a short video but effective. In the description was a link to VENUS' official website, where tickets will be sold.
.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ OUTFITS #1 ... THE BOYS !
.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ OUTFITS #2 ... BYOB (bring ur own bestie) !
.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ OUTFITS #3 ... UNTIE !
#╰ * venus : discography ⧽ burn it to the ground .#ficnetfairy#fictional idol group#fictional idol community#kpop fanfic#idol oc#kpop oc#fake kpop oc#kpop au#idol au#kpop addition#idolverse#oc girl group#bts addition#fake kpop girl group#fake kpop idol#oc kpop group#stray kids addition
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You know, I thought we were done with the ageism in fandom thinking that its purely for teenagers? Because it doesn't help anyone to have the attitude of this (now blocked) anon. People don't stop having passions and being fans of things just because they get older. Fandoms thrive BECAUSE older people put in the effort to MAKE them thrive. Do you really think that 100k word perfectly written epic fanfic that you adore so much was written by a 16 year old? Because I guarantee it was more likely to be written by a 35 year old mother of 2.
That amazing cosplay of your fave character you saw at a recent comic con that took phenomenal skill and probably a good deal of expense to look perfect wasn't put together by a 17 year old high schooler, it was perfected through years of passion into a hobby that more than likely required a full time job and a savings account to afford.
That amazing fanartist who has the BEST art of your OTP that captures their likeness in a really gorgeous style? They weren't born with that talent. It takes years to develop a personal art style, and capturing a persons likeness in art is a skill that has to be nurtured. The best artists are the ones who've had years to develop their skills. They aren't school kids. I have had mutuals on this site for a decade now and I have seen how much their art has improved and become absolutely beloved. These are people who at their youngest are in their late 20s now. Most of my mutuals are in their 30s, some of the best fanfiction writers I know are in their 40s and 50s. The meta writers I know are also in my age group. Hell, do you think teenagers run AO3? You'll be surprised just how many "old people" make the best fanworks. If you removed them from fandom spaces, I guarantee you would remove most of the talent, because no offence to you kids, but that talent is something that is nurtured over time, and time and aging go hand in hand i'm afraid.
The people who make fandoms what it is, the ones running events, pouring themselves into analytical posts, providing the best fanart, coming up with the amusing memes and textposts that go viral? Do you REALLY think they are all school kids? Fandoms are made up of PEOPLE, and newsflash assholes, people AGE.
This attitude always amazes me. There isn't an age limit in fandom. This isn't fucking Logan's Run (bet you the kids won't understand that reference) and honestly if these kids genuinely think they need to give it up and quit at a certain point in their future I just pity them.
Fandom thrives because of the older people that have nurtured it for years and carved out a space where younger people can enter in comfort and safety. Which are only possible BECAUSE older people built online fandoms and continued to put in the work to keep them going. If we all had to stop caring and leave fandom at some specific cut off date, the fandom landscape would be a vastly different space - and probably a lot worse for being predominantly run by hormonal teenagers - heh, I guess it would be a lot more like TikTok and we all know how dreadful TikTok has been for fandom so far. If nothing else that alone proves my point.
At the end of the day, no one can stop the passing of time. Even the horrible children who send adults nasty anons. Eventually, they will be the "fandom elders" and receiving their own anon hate from a future generation of brats, I personally can't wait to be the very old lady laughing at them when that day inevitably comes.
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Wymack looks between them, then says, "One more thing: if the press hasn't caught on yet, it's inevitable that they will. Browning told me the steps they were taking to hide your name, but if anyone followed them from the hospital to the hotel they'll put it together. It doesn't matter that the bus wasn't on-site; if they saw any of us changing rooms they'll follow us to you.
"You looking like this," he motions up at his own face, "will be all the answer they need. The FBI can ask them to take your safety into consideration before they start running articles, but since you revoked their protection I don't know how much weight their word carries. Figure out as soon as you can how far you'll let them push and where you want us to draw the line."
"It's generally best to give them the answers they want," Allison says. "If you satisfy their curiosity they won't have to resort to more forceful methods. Besides, the press serves the fickle mind of public interest. They can't focus on you for long. Something else will distract them."
"General public, maybe," Dan says, "but Exy fans'll remember long after everyone else has moved on. They're going to drag the other teams into this and let them say whatever they like about you. It's going to be our freshman year all over again, but worse."
Day: Sunday, March 10th / 11th*
Time: 10:50 PM EST
*Due to the Leap Year, I have opted to highlight the day rather than the date to keep the events in occurrence to the 2007 year. I will continue to mark both days accordingly.
#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#tkm#the kings men#the foxhole court#andrew minyard#palmetto state university#psu foxes#andreil#on this day in aftg#otdiaftg#palmetto state foxes#otdi all for the game#nora sakavic#the foxes#on this day in all for the game#kevin day#nicky hemmick#aaron minyard#coach wymack#betsy dobson#abby winfield#matt boyd#dan wilds#renee walker#allison reynolds
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In August, a swarm of hopeless and horny romantics on Reddit disputed the pros and cons of Bumble, the dating app that requires women to make the first move.
“Besides barren wastelands like [Plenty of Fish] crawling with bots, scammers, hookers, and psychos, this app has to be the worst,” one user posted.
Said another, “Lots of fun conversations but ghost city when trying to get a number or plan a date.”
Other Redditors openly shared how they met their partners on the app, but the consensus was unequivocally clear: Bumble, like the majority of dating apps currently on the market, is bad. “If Bumble is the worst dating app, then what’s the best alternative—Tinder, Hinge?” asked one user. “They all suck so which one sucks the least?”
After a decade of swiping left and sliding into DMs, many people are now longing for a simplification of the dating pool. As with so much about the internet, online dating made everything accessible all at once and turned socializing into something of a competitive sport. Waves, swipes, likes, and roses embodied the desires of a generation of users ravenous to find connection however they could.
But the glow has worn off, and there is growing sentiment among young people that dating apps, once considered the future of romantic connection, are broken.
Facebook Dating is all old people. Raya is full of posturing. Hinge, which bills itself as the “dating app designed to be deleted,” conceals its most attractive daters behind a $50 monthly subscription (or, at least, that’s the theory according to a handful of TikTok users). As for Tinder, the app that revolutionized online dating when it launched in 2012, it “has become the dating air, or maybe the pollution, we all breathe,” writer Allison P. Davis observed last year, reflecting on the Olympian level of difficulty modern dating presents for many people thirsty for connection.
Dating app disillusionment is felt most strongly among college students, according to a new study from Axios and research firm Generation Lab. Most are forgoing regular app usage (79 percent) in favor of in-person connection, a fact that seems at odds with Gen Z’s innate gift for virtual expression on platforms like Snapchat and Twitch.
“Dating apps promised a quick fix to the messiness of love,” says Carolina Bandinelli, a professor at the University of Warwick whose research focuses on the digital culture of love. “Their promotional narratives spoke about reducing love to a simple procedure. Dating apps promised a love that ‘works.’ But they do not ‘work’ as they are supposed to, yet they create the expectation of love as an efficient business. Users get frustrated with this.”
That young people in college are choosing to forgo digital connection is not as shocking as the study suggests, says Paul Eastwick, a psychologist at UC Davis who specializes in the nature of attraction. “College students are in the fortunate position of being surrounded by many similarly aged peers, and their social networks are in a constant state of flux. Online dating sites and apps are typically going to be especially useful for folks whose networks feel frozen and who don’t have as many opportunities to meet new people through friends of friends,” he tells me. “So it makes sense.”
The culture of online dating will continue to evolve, as it has over the past decade. Although many young people are taking a more traditional alternative to apps—while also relying on options like Date Me docs—that has not stopped Gen Z from being vocal about the culture that surrounds modern relationships.
Since the publication of her 2008 book, Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus, Kathleen Bogle, a sociologist at LaSalle University in Philadelphia, says the biggest evolution in dating culture was prompted by women, who have brought more transparency to the dating process. “Platforms like TikTok have created space for women to upload videos talking about their issues with the hookup culture, such as not getting what they want relationally, feeling used, the double standard, and, in some cases, the lack of sexual pleasure for women,” Bogle says. “In previous decades, women may have felt this way but only talked about it with their own friendship circle, not online to thousands of followers.”
Online dating is now a multibillion-dollar industry. From 2016 to 2021, global subscription rates for apps increased by 81 percent. Analysts predict that despite market saturation and a current decline in user growth, companies will pivot to monetization by any means, a move that could further spoil what people believe is an already poor user experience.
The current techlash is a byproduct of the environment dating apps have contributed to over the past decade. We are inching toward what Bandinelli refers to as a period of post-romantic love in our digital society, where conveniences such as dating apps play a hand in rewriting “the ethical codes of love with the objective of building a notion of love deprived of pain, loss, and negative emotions.” In this new notion of love, if it should even be called that, the human experience that characterizes dating, its highs and lows, is flattened through machined exchanges.
In a quest to streamline romantic connection, it seems we are losing all that makes it worthy of pursuit. “With new technologies, there is always a period in which they seem to take over what was in place before,” Bandinelli says of then and now. “Then there is a counterforce, and people want to retrieve what seems to have been lost.”
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How 60s Zines and Fandom Led to a Novel Series
One of the biggest parts of organized fandom in the 1940s-1970s were fanzines centered on adventure and scifi writer Edgar Rice Burroughs. Xeroxed and passed around in manilla envelopes in the mail, the organized fandom included fan art, articles, fan fiction, and essays passed from person to person. The big fanzines were the Gridley Wave, ERB Dom, the Oparian, and Burroughsania (fantasy writer A. Merritt and the Weird Tales writers had fanzines even at this late date as well, like Amra).
I heard a great description of Edgar Rice Burroughs fans and the fandom around him: they’re like the rest of us, except even more so. This could apply to the extremely right-brained, detective novel approach they took to the source material. All fandoms have people in them that do this, of course, I would never say otherwise...but I’m telling you, nobody did it quite like they did. As an example, ERB fandom in the 50s very precisely calculated where Tarzan grew up, based on the flimsy clues of the text, that his family’s steamer was out several weeks from Libreville. Based on calculating the average 1889 steamer’s range in two weeks, along with overlaying existing maps of the Central African Republic (today’s Gabon), they were able to figure out where he grew up very precisely. This was typical of the kinds of things they did. It reminds me less of the usual activities of fandom, and more like Heinrich Schliemann using a copy of the Iliad to discover the supposed site of the city of Troy.
It’s incredible how ahead of its time that all was, because the culture has only now caught up to what they were doing in the fifties in ERB fanzines. Today, the appeal of a lot of conspiracy theories floating around is that they are participatory, almost like some kind of ARG, like Ong’s Hat and the John Titorverse. Which pop music videos have clues put in them by the Illuminati? Can you guess which of the Hollywood Sickos was secretly replaced by a clone after being executed in a secret trial? It’s fun because you can play along at home! A lot of true crime podcasts and the communities around them also have this “figure out the mystery yourself” appeal, which is why the families of unsolved murder victims absolutely dread being covered by a popular mystery podcast. The future is in the back and forth model carried out by Edgar Rice Burroughs fans in the 50s.
It’s no surprise Edgar Rice Burroughs has fans like this. He had an absolute domination over the pop culture of the early to mid 20th Century. He, not Fitzgerald, not Hemingway, was the best selling novelist of the 1920s. ERB was, in particular, a favorite of two audiences that no longer are reliable customers of the book and publishing world: working class men and young boys. This makes sense, since his works were adventure Walter Mitty daydreams, the male equivalent of romance novels. The fact that young boys are no longer reading is, incidentally, one of the most disastrous and under-researched social phenomena of the present time. I am who I am today because I dreamed and imagined.
The biggest of the Fanzine writers had to be Philip Jose Farmer, who later became a professional writer, a name you’ve probably heard if you’ve been following this blog. Farmer, when he was a full on writer, wrote biographies of Tarzan and Doc Savage that treated them as living people. For example, Farmer’s Tarzan biography was so intensively researched that he calculated that one incident in Jungle Tales of Tarzan could not have happened, as there were no lunar eclipses visible over the Central African Republic between 1908-1909.
What I think is forgotten, however, is that Farmer’s incredible borderline fanwork was merely standing on the shoulders of giants when it came to the right-brained ERB fandom of the 1940s-1970s in Burroughs Bulletin and Gridley Wave. Many of the ideas in Farmer’s biography of Tarzan were long-standing theories in the fandom, so often repeated they gain a strange secondary canonicity, for example, the theory that Tarzan had two different sons, and the John Clayton Jr. captured as a baby in Beasts of Tarzan was different from the one who became Korak the Killer in Son of Tarzan. None of this was new to Farmer, he was a latecomer.
In particular, Farmer wrote an entire novel series was written based on an essay written in 1966 in the fanzines. This essay was “Heritage of the Flaming God: An Essay on the History of Opar and Its Relationship to Other Ancient Cultures” by Frank J. Brueckel and Michael Winger, and used to be referred to as “fanwank” but today would be called “Meta.”
The essay was about one of the most awe inspiring locations in the Tarzan series, one no film version as yet has done justice to: the Lost City of Opar. No film version has yet got across the grandiosity of this incredible ruin in the heart of the African jungle, a colony of Ancient Atlantis abandoned in Central Africa, a city of colossal masonry that almost seemed made by gods. It was a city of peacocks, and apes, gold and diamonds....but also the degenerated inhabitants, the women of which were beautiful, the men were feral, bestial Neanderthals. In an ancient ruin made by their ancestors, the Oparians run like children playing murderous games in a haunted house.
The queen of the city was La, a high priestess of the flaming god, a beautiful, seductive, uncanny sorceress who might be the only true rival to Jane in Tarzan’s affections (and who some fans prefer), who’s icy queenly exterior hid vulnerability and isolation. She was sympathetic and lonely one moment, cold, pitiless, and murderous the next. She was far more than just the evil seductress, but possibly the most complex character of the series, and she got a huge fan response. After all, It isn’t just women who like sexy sympathetic villains, you know.
Edgar Rice Burroughs always preferred Tarzan to get with La of Opar (a sentiment I’ve found to be almost universal among ERB dom), and even had the Germans kill Jane off in Tarzan the Terrible to make it possible. Reader outcry was so harsh at Jane’s death, however, he had to bring her back the very next novel. Tarzan found out her “death” at the hands of the German Army was faked and she was merely a prisoner of the Kaiser’s high command in East Africa. It is easy to see why La would have this towering, monumental stature in the Tarzan novels that she returned three times and almost literally replaced Jane as Tarzan’s wife. In an adventure series that flirted at the borderline edge of fantasy, La was the most “out there” element, a sorceress who was implied to be immortal and ageless, with the blood of Ancient Atlantis in her veins, and to disobey her was to die.
Brueckel and Winger’s 1966 essay on Opar’s origins argued that the mother culture of Opar, Atlantis, was actually an island inside an interior continental African sea, an extension of Lake Tchad, and they used ancient flood data to support their idea about the continental interior. They further argued that Opar’s genders have such different appearances because of the introduction of Neanderthal DNA on the Y chromesome alone. Further, in their lengthy fan speculations, they connected the ancient interior African Atlantean civilization to the other great lost cities encountered by Tarzan, including Athne and Cathne, Tuen-Baka, Kuvuru, and Xuja, all of which had similar traits: cyclopean abandoned cities of great antiquity, worship of a flaming god, human sacrifice, absence of the bow and arrow, and matriarchal rule. Atlantis was the source of the Flaming God religion. They further argued, fannishly interconnecting everything, that the Kuvuru immortality elixir was in the possession of that mother culture, and was the explanation for the beautiful La’s immortality. They also argued that the reason all these cultures did not have the bow and arrow was a religious taboo.
All of this was very impressive stuff, especially for 1966, even for fanwank, though I confess a lot of the geological proofs went over my head.
This essay about the origins of Opar and the Flaming God was so well remembered that fan turned real deal writer, Philip Jose Farmer, wrote a series based on their speculations. Set in the ancient prehistory of Africa, he wrote of Opar at its height, when it was a minor mining colony of a forgotten African civilization on an internal sea in 10,000 BC, just like in Bruekel and Winger’s description. His novel series was Hadon of Ancient Opar, published in 1975, and PJF acknowledged Brueckel and Winger’s fan essay as the primary source of inspiration, which he turned into a book series.
If you need convincing this meta was an inspiration for PJF’s book series, take a look at his map used in the series for their ancient civilization, which was a matriarchy with a sun worship religion with still surviving Neanderthals as a lower class. He even had a woman named La there, who may have been the ancestor of the La of Opar...or perhaps, the actual immortal La herself (the book leaves this open to interpretation). Always keen to have series cross over, PJF also mentioned the lost African cities of H. Rider Haggard and connected them with Burrough’s, which is a surprisingly good fit, since Haggard’s lost races also were matriarchies with a religion of sun worship.
When I heard the connection between this fan essay and PJF’s book series, I had to track down a copy of Brueckel and Harwood’s essay for myself. I was able to find one for sale by the Historical Society of Oak Park and River Forest on the outskirts of Chicago, Illinois. They have a lot of pride in Edgar Rice Burroughs, who was born there, and they have many rare and old things for sale related to ancient fandom of the 60s. To my surprise, when my order arrived, I got a copy of the Historical Society of Oak Park, IL newsletter, and a personal addressed letter from the historical society librarian. I was so surprised by this that I actually called the Oak Park Society up to thank them, and had a pleasant chat with the kindly librarian about their collections of ERB memorabilia and fandom. All in all, a pleasant ending of an investigation into one of the oldest fandoms, one that, like Opar and the beautiful, immortal La herself, still lives in a hidden corner of the world.
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this has probably already been talked about lol but i was trying to find the puppets website for funsies and instead came across this really odd rabbit hole??? full story under the cut so i don't clog the dash or anything
so for context i have the ecosia extension installed and when i typed in "the last shadow puppets" and nothing came up i was like Hmm ok sometimes the results can be 50/50. so i hit a recommended search at the bottom that threw in the word "website" and the first 2 results were wikipedia and the domino page but the third was theageoftheunderstatement.com.
the immediate thing that threw me off was that the first sentence on the page is "Like monthly car insurance site prudentplus.com these guys are different." What. there's like a whole description of the band (which is out of date now cause the page is from 2010) but then underneath it, there's a whole thing about fast food delivery insurance (???) and how to get it, what the best way is etc etc. the prudent plus comment does have a link that leads to the insurance company in question and from what i can tell it was still active as recently as last year.
at the veeery bottom of the taotu page is "search here for uk short term cover" which has another link that leads to another page on the site about car insurance for foreign drivers. this has another link like 3/4 of the way down the page that leads to a different site that from what i can tell hasn't been updated in over a decade (at the very bottom it says copyright 2006/13).
its worth noting that if we hop back to the main page there's a box on the left side with all the songs off of taotu listed as well as a link at the bottom that leads to a page about no deposit car insurance in the uk. every song leads to a different page on the site describing the storyline of the song (and mv, if it has one) as well as the sound of the song. most of the song pages lead to different insurance things. standing next to me leads to disqualified driver insurance, calm like you leads to lorry insurance, the chamber leads to builders / business property insurance, only the truth leads to architects / beautician liability insurance, black plant leads to convicted driver insurance, and the time has come again leads to personal liability insurance.
at the bottom of the home page is the name peter marsden. initially i just tried searching his name up but then i realized the answer was right in front of me and i searched it up with "prudent plus" slapped on the end. sure enough, a page on the prudent plus site came up introducing the staff, including a man named peter. at least at the time the "about us" page was set up (idk if its still updated) he was 71 and "has an obsession for creating images of cars, people, monsters and other strange objects and beings in unusual, and sometimes impossible, environments." very cool peter!
i didn't check all the links on the songs because i didn't think there'd be much there but my only guess for the website's existence is that the insurance people saw the popularity of taotu and decided to make a page about it while promoting their insurance stuff. outside of that i have no fucking clue. maybe they're just big tlsp fans. good on you peter
#the last shadow puppets#tlsp#taotu era#this was just.#the strangest find#idk if its much of a rabbit hole in the first place but i still think its neat#like a little piece of internet history
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Directory📝
→PSA/Intro! (read b4 u have a bitchfit)←
The name is Piqt and this blog is 18+. My playstyle features the lifestyles that stray away from the typical "happy-nucleur-family-in-windenberg" type stuff and instead sheds light onto the other side of the pond. I'm on Windows, play with almost every pack due to a beautiful thing called ✨piracy✨, been in the game since the month it released (in case you need to reach out to someone seasoned for troubleshooting), and am currently using 5+ GB of cc/scripts.
WCIF friendly and I hope I can actually help you in that regard through my shitmix of a folder!
Going forward, since you will encounter content in this pinned post that some in the community have had literal tantrums about, I would like to state ✨EA is a leech, delivers broken content again and again for a loaded price and doesn't deserve your morality✨ and I, as someone who has been pirating since 2005, will keep pirating it's content and advocating for others to do so. In the terms of me sharing my own + others mod folders, I also give 0 fucks about someone losing .3 cents of ad revenue as I believe internet ads are literal acidic dogshit and shouldn't exist.
→Tags for this blog←
#thebuildtag [my own builds]
#thescenerytag [scenery edits]
#thelifetag [portrait/life shots]
#thememetag [meme/shitposts/glitches]
#favbuilds [builds i love by others]
#favcontenttag [content i love by others]
The Masterposts!
◤Anadius's Twitter (site in bio)
→Kinda speaks for itself. Kudus to this guy for his work & time in creating such programs for our community!
◤Blogger who compiles DLC content made BGC by various creators
→An absolute godsend before I got the courage to tell EA to go fuck itself and just rip their entire game + all their packs. These creators are absolutely amazing for doing this♡
◤Sims 4 Mod Manager
→Vital in any scenario when sorting mods/cc due to it's access of all the thumbnails, but you just gotta have this if you're gonna download someone's 50+ GB mod folders like I tend to do. Kudos to this guy as well for an amazing, user friendly program!
◤Sims 4 Price Call Out
→A while back I made a post calling out the insane price EA makes for content that lacks its worth + is almost always broken upon release, leaving us to fix it. This post is updated every few months and is there to show you just how much your paying for assets that lack functionality + are bare minimum in terms of design.
◤Paysitesmustbedestroyed + TS4Rebels
→Both sites hold cc content that is blocked behind paywalls.
◤My personal Mod Folder + recommended/best scripts↓
→*take note as its been a few patches since I made this list and folder, both could be out of date though as of today (04/04/24) it works- check with creator pages/popular conflict detectors if worried*
Mod Folder (5+ GB)
Script List w/ links
•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡
Though this blog is mainly a simblr-story type blog, it will also feature CC I find appealing + reblogs of other simmer's gameplay. If you find yourself ever with a broken game, need to find CC, or just need basic troubleshooting help, shoot me an ask/PM and I'll try my best to help!! Also, though it's pretty abandoned, my older storylines are over on insta @ hoodsimz if you want to check it out
#ts4 simblr#simblr#ts4#ts4cc#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#sims 4 cc#ts4 story#ts4 cas#the sims 4 community#the sims 4 gameplay#thepinnedposts
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Sterek Fic Recs PART4 <3
I realise not many people see these fic lists that i make but those that see them and read them i appreciate you, MUAH <3
(also the majority of these are by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas) because their work is just so good i couldnt help but read all their works)
I Was A Teenage Werewolf by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas)
456K Words // Chapters: 50/50 // Hits: 199K // COMPLETED
//Explicit//
Stiles just knows he's going to get lost in the woods. There must be a Laura Palmer reference in there somewhere.
A fork in the road retelling of Teen Wolf where Stiles is the one to get bitten.
2. Pretty Melody by thepsychicclam
30K Words // Chapters: 1/1 // Hits: 80K // COMPLETED
//Explicit//
Stiles hasn't seen Derek in six years, so when he shows up at the bar where Stiles works, claiming to be some indie rock star, Stiles can't believe it. Stiles has even more trouble believing that he and Derek are about to have a one night stand.
Soon one night turns into two and three, and seeing Derek causes old wounds to open for Stiles. As Stiles reconnects with Derek, he finds himself painting things he's been avoiding, and he thinks maybe he'll finally start to heal.
3. Beastly Lover by M4nEat3r
18K Words // Chapters: 19/? // Hits: 31K // UNCOMPLETED
//Explicit//
Stiles signs up for a werewolf dating site and meets someone, but who he ends up with isn't who he expected.
4. All The Better To Smell You With by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas)
9K Words // Chapters: 4/4 // Hits: 11K // COMPLETED
//Explicit//
A post-break-up Stiles finds himself standing on the front step of the rebuilt Hale house. He needs a place to stay and Derek has always accepted him as a member of his pack and one of his best friends. The only problem is, now that Stiles is seeing clearly, he's suddenly realised that maybe he never got over the pesky crush he had on a certain sourwolf and being in the same space is just going to make things awkward.
Or is it?
5. Four Day Drive by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas)
5K Words // Chapters: 1/1 // Hits: 5K // COMPLETED
//Explicit//
What happened between Stiles going to arrest Derek and when they arrive in Beacon Hills. This fic posits a previous sexual relationship between Derek and Stiles while Stiles is still underage hence the tag.
6. A Teenage Love Song by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas)
155K Words // Chapters: 26/26 // Hits: 73K // COMPLETED
//Explicit//
Stiles is sick and tired of how much he fucks up. His dad is disappointed, his step-mom judges and his step-brother can do no wrong. It's not that he doesn't love them, he just gets so tired of being different. Now he's being moved lock, stock and barrel to Beacon Hills aka the town his mom grew up in so they can go live in his grandma's house and his father can get him back on the straight and narrow.
It's going to suck.
7. Permanent Fixture by linksofmemories_archive
80K Words // Chapters: 4/4 // Hits: 434K // COMPLETED
//Explicit//
Derek is Scott's older brother. Stiles is Scott's best friend. Derek is falling in love with Stiles. This is a bit of a problem.
#teen wolf#sterek#derek hale#stiles stilinksi#teen wolf cast#sad stiles#sad derek#sterek fanart#teen wolf season 1#books and literature#stiles fanfic#derek hale deserves nice things#stiles and derek#stiles x derek#void stiles#teen wolf stiles#alpha derek hale#hurt stiles#sterek fluff#slow burn#slow build
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“I’m not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it’s just a layover on the way to Gaytown,” Carrie Bradshaw famously said in the offensive, misinformed 1998 episode of Sex and the City in which she dates a bisexual man. These words are still painfully seared into my brain. How could a sex columnist, a character written predominantly by gay men, have such a limited view of queer identity? Nearly ten years later, a 2016 episode of HBO dramedy Insecure sees Molly (Yvonne Orji) finding out that the man she’s seeing, Jared, nonchalantly had a sexual encounter with another man. After exposing her biphobia to her friends, another character declares Jared to be gay. Ultimately, Molly and Carrie both decide, despite the chemistry and their attraction, that they could not get past their own compulsory monosexuality to continue dating a bisexual man. Why does television, a medium primed for long-form character development and storytelling, continuously fail at representing bisexual men?
Twenty-five years after that infamous Sex and the City scene, bisexuality (for the purposes of this piece, I am using bisexuality as a term that encompasses all people with the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender, including those who identify as bisexual, pansexual, fluid, queer, and more) on television has made significant strides—from young-adult programming like Euphoria, Riverdale, and Gossip Girl, to adult dramas like Game of Thrones, The Magicians, and obviously, The Bisexual. Bisexuality is no longer relegated to a very-special episode, and is slowly leaving the realm of bad, misinformed jokes. According to GLAAD’s 2021-2022 Where We Are on TV report, queer representation on television is at an all-time high. After two consecutive years of decreases, bisexual representation increased by one percent over last year: nine non-binary characters, 124 women, and sadly, only 50 men. Fifty may seem like a solid number at the outset, but consider the quality of these representations. Aside from a few stand-out examples, like Nick Nelson (Kit Connor) on Netflix’s much-loved Heartstopper, many are relegated to supporting and recurring characters, at best, and stuck in tropes, at worst.
Maria San Filippo is an associate professor at Emerson College whose research focuses on screen media’s intersections with gender and sexuality. In 2013, she published The B Word: Bisexuality in Contemporary Film and Television, a pathbreaking monograph on the state of bisexual representation in both mediums. “Bisexuality was only beginning to be central and recurring, rather than peripheral and episodically one-off or short-lived,” she said over email. “Bisexuality’s representational legibility has been expanded; it’s less easily deniable as ‘just a phase’ when bisexuality becomes an ongoing character trait.”
Broadly speaking, on-screen storytelling has struggled to construct bisexuality in ways that reach beyond the word landing at the butt of jokes or framed through the lens of disgust and abjection. Nowhere does it fail bisexuals more than television, a site of endless discursive possibilities. Television’s long-form narrative offers unique opportunities to watch sexuality unfold over time, but rather than exploring and showcasing every permutation of bisexuality, bi men on television are far and few between.
“Bi+ male representation has always been the biggest challenge,” San Filippo said. “Bisexuality threatens heteropatriarchy and phallic authority, and so must be hidden or, if acknowledged, desexualized and disparaged through mockery or else hypersexualized as in porn (and even then bisexuality is rebranded as ‘gay for pay’).” She said it’s not unlike the uncommon sight of male frontal nudity on screen, which she explores in her 2021 book, Provocauteurs and Provocations. “Dan Levy’s character David on Schitt’s Creek is one high-profile example of recurring, more nuanced male bi+ representation,” she said. “We need more.”
The phallic authority, as San Filippo calls it, is not as threatened when it comes to the representation of bisexual women characters, who were more than double as numerous in the 2021-2022 television season. Nate Shu, a bisexual comedian based in Boston who spoke with me over Zoom, suggests that feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey’s work on patriarchal ideologies in film still applies here. Mulvey’s seminal 1975 essay, “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema,” uses a psychoanalytic lens to look at the way women have been depicted in film primarily for the pleasure of the male viewer. She coined this theory the male gaze.
“Lesbian and bisexual characters are more attainable when they’re female because there’s something for male viewers to hold on to,” he said. “A bisexual woman is still an attainable woman to a straight man, whereas a bisexual man is both a threat and an anomaly.”
These conventions are sewn into the fabric of on-screen storytelling, a part of the canon of cinema that queer storytellers are working hard to reform. But despite this hard work, bisexual stories are still too-often made palatable to viewers through a handful of storytelling tropes: the coming out story, reasserting the status quo of a relationship or identity, or hinting at a character’s dishonesty or shiftiness (it pains me to bring it up, but Frank Underwood on House of Cards is a great example here).
The CW’s 2015 musical-dramedy Crazy Ex-Girlfriend showcased one of the more fleshed-out bisexual men on television, Darryl Whitefeather, played by Peter Gardner. His unapologetic musical sequence on how he’s “Gettin’ Bi” was an audacious and refreshing moment for a middle-aged character embracing his sexuality—despite his entire storyline being framed around coming out. We tend to see these coming out narratives again and again, to the point where it begins to feel like viewer manipulation. The coming out scene will only lead to the catharsis of Heartbreaker-level tears if it feels earned through a character’s arc of self-suppression and pain. However, the gay blueprint has already been established, and thus the coming out story is relatable and palatable, rather than depicting a character already living their truth.
Shu, who identifies as bisexual and biracial for the sake of alliteration in his comedy (as opposed to pansexual, a term to which he more closely relates), asked me poignant questions: “What is queer representation? Having a character make an off-hand comment and it’s never acknowledged—that is a queer character, but it’s not a queer story.” His ideal bisexual representation allows characters to be authentic people living outside of constructed narratives that are more viewer-friendly like the coming out story. He could only name one example of an Asian bisexual character on television that he felt somewhat seen through—Magnus Bane, played by Harry Shum Jr. on the Freeform supernatural drama Shadowhunters. “It’s tough to get out of the boxes of what culture, film, and TV have defined for decades,” Shu said.
Marvel has been a site of critique around its inability to flesh out queer characters in an authentic way, awkwardly suggesting that all superheroes are heterosexual. The 2021 Disney+ series Loki made headlines for a 20-second scene where the titular character confirms his bisexuality after admitting he has been with princesses and princes in his past. This kind of casual bisexuality has become more commonplace in the streaming era, to the point of forgettability: Bill Pargrave on Killing Eve, playing Eve’s MI5 boss until he was eventually stabbed by murderess Villanelle, also identified as bisexual in a passing conversation. Other examples include Joe MacMillan (Lee Pace) on Halt and Catch Fire and the titular character (Tom Ellis) on Lucifer. Does the off-hand knowledge of a character’s sexual fluidity, without an in-depth exploration of his sexuality, qualify as queer representation? Perhaps a better question would be, does it make bisexual viewers feel seen and understood, and add to monosexual viewers’ understanding and empathy of bisexuality?
At the end of October 2022, Kit Connor came out as bisexual in a bitter tweet after months of being hounded and online bullied by Netflix Heartstopper fans, some of whom accused Connor of queerbaiting for playing a bisexual character. The fall-out made me wonder why any actor, let alone a bisexual actor who may still be processing or figuring out his sexuality, would want to play a bisexual character in the social media age. “I think some of you missed the point of the show. Bye,” his tweet read.
Not to center myself in the discourse, but I can’t help but wonder how a more thorough cultural understanding of bisexuality would impact my own dating life as a gay man, what the dating pool might look like if there was a more rigorous acceptance and visibility of bisexuality and fewer “discreet” men refusing to send you photos of their faces on dating apps with fear of being outed in their real life. The latest 2021 Census data coming out of the United Kingdom suggests there are currently nearly as many bisexual-identifying individuals as gay and lesbian survey respondents combined. These numbers feel hopeful, to me. Previous generations grew up dissatisfied by the range of representation on television, leading to iconic shows like Pose that shifted the course of television at the intersections of queerness and race. I can only imagine what the landscape will look like in 10, 20 years as the bisexual-identifying Gen Zs—the queerest generation yet—make their way into creative fields. We’ll have to watch and find out.
#bisexuality#bisexual community#lgbtq community#lgbtq#bi#support bisexuality#pride#bi tumblr#bisexuality is valid#lgbtq pride#bisexual#bi pride#bisexual nation#bisexual pride#bisexual education#bisexual youth#support bisexual people#bisexual men#respect bisexual people#bisexual rights#tv#bisexual representation#bisexual men exist#television#bisexual heart#heartstopper#nick nelson#Loki
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Closer
Pairing: Werewolf Benjamin “Benny” Miller x f!reader
Word Count: 16k+
Rating: M for mature - 18+ only!
Warnings: My normal warning here BUT I will add on that this one does take some dark turns, minor torture, brief mention of possible SA (nothing described or graphic), blood, werewolf things (and werewolf smut) described and mentioned. If that’s not your jam, then don’t proceed! Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.
Notes: Big thanks to @mermaidxatxheart for listening and bouncing ideas. And another BIG thank you to @wyn-n-tonic who completely changed the outline of this fic with a few simple ideas. You’re a genius!
I had you all vote on whether to have this as a really long one shot or broken into parts. It was a really close poll but the final vote was to have it as a really long one shot so that’s what this is. HOWEVER, I am adding in numbered breaks so if you need to leave and come back, it will be easier for you to know where you left off!
**Reader is ethnicity inclusive despite stock photo bias
**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!
Benny Masterlist
General Masterlist
Moving to Red Feather Lakes, Colorado after graduating was the best decision for me. My parents didn’t understand why I couldn’t move back by them, no matter how many times I told them that I would never find work as a farm veterinarian in a city.
I also needed the change of pace.
College was fine, the dating scene? Not so much. I’d have been better off trying to date my couch than the pool I seemed to be fishing from.
I realize that Red Feather Lakes is an extremely small town, but honestly, that’s what I need. I’ve felt so disconnected from people for years, despite being surrounded by them. Maybe I’d find what I need here.
I could always move if I had to.
The job vacancy came with a house, on-site clinic, and land on the outskirts of what the locals called “town”, which was really a small strip of buildings facing each other. This is where most of the businesses were located aside from mine. The previous vet was retiring and had placed an ad in the local paper, which had miraculously ended up online, buried beneath thousands of job posts. Lucky for me, I had a very specific search filter and found the listing, calling the phone listed as soon as I googled Red Feather Lakes, Colorado.
Dr. Smith had been the town’s big animal veternarian for well over 50 years. Everyone knew him, even the animals, and they all loved him. I would have some big shoes to fill. He was moving to Boulder to be closer to his kids and grandkids, leaving me his house and property, along with his business. He admitted to me, with a tinge of sadness, that none of his kids had the same love of animals that we did, so no one wanted to take over the family business.
“Oh and uh one more thing, miss….stay out of the woods at night. Especially around the full moon.”
I chuckle at his obvious jest. Except, he doesn’t smile in return.
“Are you serious?”
His face darkens, somehow aging even more. “I am. No matter what you hear. If things get…bad, you can call the Sheriff.”
Well, that’s ominous.
“Promise me, miss.”
“I..I promise?”
He seems to accept this with a nod of his head. He shakes my hand and then turns to head to his truck outside, waving to me as he takes off, the trailer he rented bumping along with the dirt road that would lead him to the main road in and out of town.
The wind blows through my hair as I stand there watching his truck fade into the distance, the sounds of some livestock all that I hear over the breeze in the trees. Turning back to the house, I sigh and get to work unpacking, making a list of anything I would need to get in town as I’d make a trip in the morning.
--------
The grocery store is more like a general store, having limited choices and random things scattered about. Their bread section has to be a joke - there’s only once choice and that’s the standard, highly processed, white bread. Staring down at the bread, I wonder if I should learn how to make my own-
“Don’t buy that crap. Head to Saltman’s on the end of the strip. That’s where everyone gets their bread.”
The voice is deeper, a hint of a drawl to it and when I look up to match a face to the voice, I nearly choke on my own spit. Big blue eyes stare down at me from one of the most handsome men I think I’ve ever seen. He’s got to be about 6’3? 6’4? A mess of dirty blonde hair comes down around his ears, wavy and curling out at odd angles from under the baseball cap he wears. Facial hair matches his regular hair color, making him look even more ruggedly handsome than he already does, with his biceps straining at the sleeves of his shirt.
“S-Saltman’s?”
He chuckles and I think the world stopped spinning for a moment when he flashed that smile.
“Don’t tell me you haven’t stopped by Saltman’s yet.”
“I-I’m new to town.”
His warm smile makes my cheeks grow hot.
“I could tell, sweetheart.”
“Am I that obvious?”
That earned me another chuckle.
“No…well yes but it’s more that I’ve never seen you before. Small town.”
Duh.
“Oh. Right.”
He studies my face for a moment and I’m sure he can see the heat on my face, definitely can hear my heart pounding through my chest under his gaze.
“I think you need a town guide.”
“I get the newspaper.”
“I meant me, but yeah that would work too.”
“Oh! I’d love you! Love that! Let’s do it. TOUR! The tour, uh thing.” Why they hell can’t I remember how to have a conversation?
My stuttering doesn’t seem to phase this man. In fact, I think he finds it…endearing?
“Alrigh’ well once you check out here, I’ll take you on a tour of town and let you know what to get and where. Name’s Benny, by the way. Ben Miller.”
I think I tell him my name. I assume I did because he repeats it back to me and I nod with a dumb grin on my face. He heads out of the store, assuring me he’d be back after running a quick errand. Once he’s out of range of me, I feel like I can finally think again. What the fuck was that? I’ve never felt like that about…well about anyone before. Knowing my luck, he’s the town bachelor that sleeps around.
Not that I’d object.
True to his word, Benny returns just as I finish paying, helping me load the few bags I have into the back of my truck, anything cold going straight into the cooler I’d brought. He takes me around town, showing me the bakery, the butcher, and that there’s a farmer’s market every Saturday on the edge of the town strip where farmer’s come to sell their produce and homemade goods. He helped me gather up what I could from the remainder of my list and asked if I needed any help getting them back home.
“Oh I couldn’t impose any further.”
“If it was imposin’ I wouldn’t have offered.”
“I live out of town. I won’t ask you to drive all the way out there.”
He cocks his head and looks at me. “Wait…you’re the new vet? Takin’ over for Dr. Smith?”
“That’s me,” I say with a strained tone, lifting the last of the items into the bed of the truck.
“But…you’re all alone out there.”
“I appreciate the concern, but I’ll be alright.”
“I could come and make sure it’s all…safe? For you?”
Now it’s my turn to cock my head at him.
“I really do appreciate it, Benny, but I think I’m ok. If I change my mind, I imagine I could find you.”
He nods, giving me a small smile. “You could. Or you could just take this.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bit of paper and a pen, scribbling down something before handing me the paper. Looking down, I see his number.
“Did you just give me your number?”
It’s his turn to blush, red creeping up his beautiful face. “I..I only meant in case you need..somethin’.”
“Something.”
A man pokes his head out of the shop next to us and calls for Benny, breaking whatever spell he held over me.
“I’ll see you around, Miss.”
“I hope so.”
When I get back in my truck, I bang my head on the steering wheel. I hope so? You’re such an idiot oh my God.
--------
Benny turns out to be a Godsend.
Not only did he help me that first day, but he helped me assemble furniture and move things around, cleaning up the office to accept new patients (sick and injured animals wait for no one), and just being there. We became fast friends, well friends that I definitely think about fucking but that’s besides the point. I’m not willing to ruin the one good friendship I’ve made in the couple months that I’ve been here. It’s not that I haven’t tried to make friends - it’s just hard to when you’ve had your hand up a cow’s ass all day, trying to help it give birth.
That night though, it happened again.
The sounds moving around outside remind me of wolves, except they can’t be. It sounds much, much bigger. The first night I heard this mysterious sound outside, I remembered the warning Dr. Smith had made just before pulling out of my driveway.
Stay out of the woods at night. Especially around the full moon.
Ridiculous. The man is old, he probably heard some of the horses shuffling around and the sound bounced off the house weird.
But then it happened again. And again. And sometimes, a cow or 2 would go missing or end up mauled. When I told the local sheriff, he just got quiet and told me to “Let it be” and that my clients would understand. I argued of course, but he was right - every single client accepted it and waved me off, mumbling something about “insurance”.
This time though, the sounds move closer to my house, as if whatever is moving around outside is scoping me out, trying to sniff out my insecurities.
It’s late and I’m tired though. I’m probably making it up. Still, the uneasiness in my stomach doesn’t abate, the hairs on my arms standing straight no matter what logical sense my brain is trying to tell me.
I mention this to Benny when we meet for lunch the next day. His reaction is odd - he stiffens, staring almost through me as he asks me a zillion questions.
“I don’t know, Benny, it’s happened a lot. I mean, I’m probably making it up right? A mountain lion or something got the cows and my brain is trying to process the sounds I hear outside, especially with being alone out there.”
“We do have…wolves…in our woods.”
“This was more than a wolf, Ben. If it was a pack, I’d still be surprised. This sound sounds huge.”
“Would you mind if I came to take a look?”
“I got rid of the dead cows, but yeah sure. You’re welcome to. Then you can tell me how crazy I’m being.”
Benny follows me back after lunch and takes a long walk around the perimeter of not only my house, but my property. It’s almost as if he’s trying to sniff out whatever seems to be going on, but he comes up empty handed.
“Well Detective Miller. Any thoughts? Or should I commit myself?”
No smile. Shit.
“Bad joke. I’m sor-”
“Somethin’ is goin’ around but…just stay inside at night, ok? You got a gun or somethin’?”
“I’m sorry?”
“A gun. Somethin’ to protect yourself with? You should, bein’ out here on your own.”
“Uh…I think Dr. Smith left one. Hold on.”
Grabbing the shotgun he’d left me, along with a box of shells, I hand Benny the gun. He inspects it, making sure it’s good to go and even offers to teach me how to use it, giving me a few makeshift lessons. He goes out to his truck and returns with a smaller box of shells, handing them to me, a heavy weight behind his eyes.
“If you hear that sound again, use these. They’re for uh…big game.”
“Oh really? That’s cool. Thanks Ben!”
“Welcome…listen, I gotta head back home but please stay inside at night? No matter what? And call me if you need anythin’.”
“What if I just need a night cap?”
“I’m bein’ serious.”
“So am I.”
He stares at me for a few moments and that feeling I got when I first met him flares to life. Honestly, it never stops when I’m around him, like I’m drawn to him, like he’s the only person in the world.
“Promise me.”
“Ok, ok. I promise.”
Without hesitation, he pulls me to him, wrapping his long arms around me, engulfing me in his warmth, his scent like pine and dirt and something more primal. He’s never hugged me before and I’m not even sure what to do as my brain seems to be malfunctioning. I manage to wrap my arms back around him and I swear he sniffs my head before backing off, waving as he heads back to his truck and heads back into town.
-------------------------------1-----------------------------
The next few nights, all is normal and quiet as it should be. Maybe Benny put his scent over everything and it turned the animals away.
Chuckling to myself, I head into town and stop at the market to pick up something for dinner. Groaning at the limited choices for a dinner for one, I finally settle on something and head back to my truck. Before I pull out, I see Benny a few stores down, chatting to Maria, the town hair stylist, who is drop dead gorgeous of course.
I have no right to be jealous, insanely jealous, and I know that. But still, seeing him smile at her as she twirls hair around her finger just hurts.
Men.
Wallowing in my own self pity throughout my sad dinner, I finally decide to get out for once. Usually my trips into town consist of food and errands, never really branching out. I never really have the time. But tonight? I’ll make an exception.
Sitting at the bar of the only bar in town, I take a sip of my Jack and Coke and look around. It’s pretty full for such a small town, but then again, it may be the only place to be social outside of the local church.
I reach the bottom of my glass, ice pushing against my lips, and I pathetically wonder what Benny is doing tonight. Or who he’s doing. Fuck, I hate feeling this way. Before I can decide if I want another drink or not, a muscular, tattooed arm reaches out from right next to me, flagging the bartender down.
“She’ll have another.”
I open my mouth to say that she can in fact order her own drinks, but then I remember why I’m there. Turning towards the man who ordered me a drink to thank him, my voice gets caught in my throat. He’s tall, maybe an inch or so shorter than Benny, longer blonde hair that’s just able to be tucked under his ears. Tattoos line his arms and one up his neck, the bottom disappearing under a tight, white shirt. His eyes are pale blue and a smirk tugs at the corners of his mouth. By all accounts, he should be handsome. I should be flattered this man picked me out of everyone here.
But I can’t shake this feeling, this uneasiness creeping throughout my stomach. Odd, because it’s the exact odd feeling I have when whatever is creeping around my house is-
“You looked thirsty.”
He looks at me for a response and I feel like I need to give him something. But all I want is to leave his vicinity.
“I…I’m good, actually.”
He chuckles and a chill goes up my spine, fanning out to my limbs.
“You’re the new farm vet, right? We haven’t officially met yet. I’m Will.”
I’m trying to swallow back my uneasiness around him. I’m used to having to fend off creepy people with bad vibes but this is…this is something more.
“I am.” I tell him my name and he leans closer to me, all of my flight or fight response going to FLIGHT FLIGHT FLIGHT!
When he’s closest, I swear he smells me, which makes me want to vomit. But then he’s pulling back, my new drink in his hand which he offers to me. Planting a probably shaky smile on my face, I take it, his fingers brushing mine, cold tension rushing through my hand and shooting up my arm. I don’t take a sip.
“So, what do you do for fun, doc?”
“Oh, I’m not fun. I mostly just work.”
“Ah come on. You’ve gotta let loose sometime.” He sits on the stool next to me as I set the drink on the bar, trying to hide the fact that my hands are shaking.
“Really, I’m good. I’m sure there’s plenty of women here that would love your attention.”
I can feel his eyes raking over my body, studying me.
“Maybe. But you’re the most interesting person here.”
“Just what a girl wants to hear. That’s she’s interesting.”
He laughs, his head tossing back with it, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat and I take advantage of the momentary pause in his study of me to stand up.
“I”ve gotta use the bathroom.”
Will shoots his thumb over his shoulder. “It’s back through the hall.”
I know his eyes are on me as I navigate the crowd, like a hunter stalking it’s prey. I have to get out of here. I can’t stay in this bar, not with him here. Lucky for me, there seems to be more people here and I’m able to make way to a group of them that happen to be heading outside. Safety in numbers, right? Except, when they get outside they turn in the opposite direction of my truck.
Shit.
I decide to go for it, hugging the building and heading around it towards the side, glancing over my shoulder to check that Will hasn’t come out to find me, when I collide with something very warm and very solid. I don’t need to look up to know who it is.
“Benny!” I gasp out and he grabs me, preventing me from falling flat on my ass in the dirt parking lot. Once I regain my balance, I throw my arms around him. I can feel him stiffen slightly under my embrace and I wonder if I’ve crossed a line-
“Hey, it’s ok. Ssshhh….are you alright? You’re damn near shakin’ out of your shoes.”
“I-I- there was a man hitting on me in there. Something about him is just…wrong.”
He stiffens again. “Let’s get you to your truck. Where’r you parked?”
He escorts me around to my truck, gently taking my keys from me when he sees the slight shake still lingering in my hands. “Let me drive.”
“But what about your truck?”
He waves me off. “I can get it later. I know the bar owner, he won’t mind.” Benny helps me into the truck, closing the door and quickly moving around to the driver’s side. He slides the seat back and hops in, making sure I’m good before he starts the drive back to my house.
“Did anyone touch you?”
“No.”
“Hurt you?”
“No.”
“Say anythin’ bad to you?”
“I mean…he just said regular guy stuff. I just…it’s just a feeling, Ben. I don’t know how to describe it.”
He’s quiet for a few moments and I swear I can hear him thinking. “Could you try?”
“Try what?”
“To describe the feelin’.”
“I uh…sure-wait. Where are we going? My house is that way.” I point out the window in the opposite direction of where we were heading.
“I know. I’m uh..bringing you to my place. If that’s ok? Shit, I should’ve asked first. ‘M sorry.”
“No that’s..that’s actually good idea. He knew who I was so he knows where I live. Fuck, am I going to be able to go home ever?”
Benny reaches over and tentatively places his hand on my thigh, his warmth and presence seeping through the dark denim I was wearing and helping the shakes to slow and eventually stop.
We ride the rest of the way in silence, Benny allowing me the time to calm myself. His presence though, how can someone light me up and soothe me all at the same time?
When we get to his place, a small, 2 bedroom cabin on the lake, he helps me out and into the home, immediately heading over to start the fire in the stone fireplace that takes up a large portion of his small living room.
“Want some tea?” He offers.
“Absolutely. I’ll have-”
He smiles. “I know what you like.”
Sure enough, several minutes later, when I’m nice and toasty under the big flannel blanket he keeps draped over the back of his couch, he reappears, 2 mugs in hand, handing me mine before he sets his down on the coffee table. And of course - it’s exactly my favorite. Taking a sip, I let out a small moan of thanks and he nods, shifting from foot to foot. I move the blanket back a bit, an obvious offering to cuddle on in, but he hesitates.
“You sure?”
I roll my eyes. “Of course.”
He sits down and slides under the blanket, helping me to cuddle up to his side. As he holds me, I feel the last bit of my nerves melt away, complete trust in this man I’ve only known a few months.
“So what’s the feelin’ like? Were you able to find the words?”
I let out a huff of air. “It’s…it’s like…he didn’t say anything to creep me out. I mean, he didn’t do anything out of the ordinary, really. It’s just his presence? It was like my fight or flight response was turned on to flight the entire time. The way he looked at me, like I was dinner or something. Like, he literally smelled me-”
“He smelled you?”
“Yeah. Like honestly, a whiff. I think he thought he was being slick and hiding it but I saw. I don’t know, Benny. He just…he really gave me vibes like - oh! Sort of like whatever the fuck is crawling around my place….wait. You don’t think it’s him out there, do you?”
Benny is quiet for while, his thinking making me fidget, fingers picking at the blanket. “I don’t think..he… is there, no. It’s probably just the same uneasy feelin’ you get.”
“Yeah but it’s more than uneasy. It’s..it makes my stomach turn, like I’m going to throw up if I don’t get away from him, like my body is trying to crawl out of itself to get away from him, I couldn’t stand to be near him it was making me want to scream and run and just… I don’t know. The complete opposite to how I feel around you.”
“...How you feel around me?”
Shit.
“Uh yeah, you know. You make me feel, um..safe and…shit.”
“Safe and shit?”
“Well it’s more intense than that, it’s just…the opposite feeling…”
“The safe part or the shit part?” I can hear the smile in his voice and turn my head up to him.
“Both parts. You know what I mean, you asshole. You just..make me feel…so…”
Shit what’s happening? He’s looking down at me and I just can’t remember words, drowning in his blue eyes as they flicker between mine and my lips, his face moving closer to mine, the air practically popping with electricity. I close my eyes, more than ready for our lips to finally meet, but instead I feel him pulling back, sliding out from under the blanket, taking his warmth with him.
“‘M sorry. We can’t- I can’t.”
“Why not?” My voice sounds so small but so loud in the quiet of the room.
“It…it would be a bad idea. Us. Together.”
Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.
“Is it because I’m not as pretty as Maria?”
“Who the fuck- Maria? The hair lady?”
“Oh come on, Ben, don’t be shy. I saw you in town flirting with her-”
“Maria and I aren’t anythin’.”
“Ok, sure Ben. I know what I saw. It’s ok though - we’re just friends. We’d be, what did you say? Bad together.”
“That’s not what I meant-”
“I’m tired, Ben. Can I have the couch to myself?”
He stares at me for a few more moments and I can feel he wants to say more, but he doesn’t. Instead, he nods, turning to head down the hall to his room. “You know where to find me if you need somethin’.”
What I hate the most about all of this is that, even though I’m laying here crying, surrounded by his things, and I should be hurt, which I am, the feelings he’s given me since day one are still there, strong as ever, like we’re attached by some invisible force.
Groaning, I roll over and try to sleep. It doesn’t come easy.
-------------------------------2-----------------------------
In the morning, Benny is back to his usual self, determined to keep our friendship intact. Honestly, I can’t imagine my life without him, so I match his energy, throwing a pancake at his face when he cracks some lame joke.
For the most part, our friendship doesn’t suffer, despite having a few more of these almost moments. I know he feels what I feel but for some reason, he’s not allowing himself to pursue those feelings and is not willing, or ready, to discuss it. So for now, friendship and flirting it is.
Will hasn’t approached me whenever I’ve been in town, but for the most part, I never see him. Maybe he only lurks around at night, when I make a point of not being in town. Whatever moves around outside though has come back. Not daily, but enough to have me sleeping with that gun on my side table.
A few months after the bar incident, I’m driving home from town a little late. I finally made a new friend, Aspen, who sighed and nodded at my questioning look at her name. “Yes, like the town. My parents thought they were being funny. It’s not too terrible until you get the nick name Ass.” She was the local librarian and funny as hell. We’d been out having dinner at the one cafe you could, my promise to myself and Benny that I’d be home before dark until someone could figure out what was roaming around outside long forgotten.
“Shit,” I say to myself, squinting down the dark, dirt road as I head out of town and towards my distant farmhouse.
It’s so dark, I nearly pass the entrance to my property, the long dirt driveway almost hidden amongst the brambles and dust flying up from my truck. I turn in, not bothering to lock the gate as usual, in case anyone had an emergency in the middle of the night. It doesn’t happen often but it does happen.
“FUCK!” I slam on my breaks, angling my truck so as not to hit…whatever the fuck is in the road.
A massive pile of the most beautiful golden fur I’ve ever seen is crumbled on the group in a heap. It’s nearly the width of my driveway and if it were to stand up could easily be…maybe 9 feet tall?l Whatever it is is breathing, but it’s having a hard time of it and I can see patches of blood matted up in its fur, illuminated by my headlights.
Without thinking, I jump from my truck, quickly but cautiously approaching the..wolf? This is a wolf? As I walk around the front of the golden fur mass, I see now it has a head and snout, just like that of a wolf. A massive wolf. I have never seen wolves this size. Outside of fairy tale books, anyway.
Gently, I get down on my knees, near it’s head, trying to keep myself in its line of vision. I should be freaking out, running the other way screaming at the sight of this thing but I don’t. I can’t explain it but this wolf makes me feel…calm? Secure? Familiar, almost.
Speaking calmly, I say “Hey there…wolf. I’m going to help you, ok? Please don’t bite me.”
The wolf lets out of a huff and cracks one eye open ever so slightly, scanning my face for several moments before taking in my whole body. From what I can see in the dark, the wolf has blue eyes but what shade I can’t tell, the headlight blocking the small detail. It sniffs the air and I place my upturned hand nearer its snout, feeling a warm puff of air blow across my hand with its exhale.
Apparently I’m no threat because the wolf’s eyes close and a near sigh escapes it and it’s like it visibly relaxes, knowing I’m there to take care of it. I start using my eyes to scan its body…wait…his body, and see there are several injuries that look like it may have been in a fight with something. What would attack a wolf this size?
Another wolf this size.
Shaking my head to get rid of that thought, I speak to the wolf.
“I’ll be right back. Don’t worry.”
Grabbing my emergency kit from the backseat, I drop down by the wolf again, putting on my headlamp so I can direct the light where I need it to go. I’m able to wipe away some of the blood, many of the wounds being more superficial. But there are deeper ones that will need stitches, ones that looks like bite marks from a similarly sized wolf. I know they hurt to touch, but the wolf merely lets out small growls, not directed at me but at the pain, and he doesn’t move, staying still to allow me to help him.
I manage to stitch up the deeper wounds, but he definitely needs more care, probably some scans to take a look inside to check for internal bleeding. Question is, how the fuck am I going to get him to my clinic?
“Hey, wolf. I need to see more of you. Can you walk?” Why I’m trying to ask him to walk when he doesn’t speak English, I have no clue. But something about me helps to calm him and he cracks open that eye again, studying me.
“You’re a good boy,” I say, tentatively reaching forward to give him a scratch behind the ears. His eye closes again and a rumble comes from his chest as he turns his head slightly so I’ll scratch under his jaw.
“Can you walk?” I ask him again, willing him to understand.
He gives me one more look but holy shit he’s trying to get up. I think he understands-
A loud yelp and a huff has him back on the ground. He’s too weak.
“O..k…this is ok. I’ll uh, pull my truck over. I have a lift - we can get you in the back.”
One big eye slow blinks at me as he starts to pant. I think he gets it, so I give him another pat and jump back in my truck, maneuvering it around so the back is as close to him as I can get. I hit the lift button as I get out and hear the creak of the mechanics working to lower the ramp. All I have to illuminate the area is my headlamp, but I’m eerily calm about the whole thing.
“Alright. All we have to do is get you-” I point to the wolf “-on here.” I point to the metal slab that’s fully flat against the dirt. “Can you do that?”
He lets out a small, for him, mfff, taking a deep breath before pushing himself up, shying away from places I’ve stitched up but also other places that I didn’t, which tells me there’s something going on inside.
Holy fuck he’s huge. He manages to get up on all fours and is easily around 6 feet, but he’s slouching due to the injuries. He wobbles and I rush forward, throwing all of my might into his side to help prop him up. He takes a moment acclimate, but manages to take a few steps forward onto the metal lift, plopping down the moment I say “Good boy!”
The metal groans and I pray to anyone listening that it holds together. It’s not meant for whatever this wolf weighs, but it has held a fair amount. Hopping out, I close the gate and run around, jumping into the driver’s seat and being as careful as I can to not jostle the injured wolf too much.
Backing into my office, I hear the metal bolts side in place on the sides of my lift, waiting for me to press the button to pull it out onto the large table. I get all of that in motion while I grab what I’ll need, turning on all the lights and making sure the clinic’s door is closed and locked, all curtains closed.
The wolf is patient, staying as still as he can while I complete my tests, only yelping a few times when I touch some sore places. He does have a couple of cracked ribs and some bruising, and one of his legs was definitely chomped on, but he should make a full recovery.
“I think you’ll make it,” I smile at him, gently scratching his jaw how he likes. Speaking more to myself, I start to say “Let me grab some painkillers for this guy-”
As I tried to move to get the meds, the wolf turns his head and grabs my hand with his teeth. He leaves no mark and it’s not a violent move, but…does he not want pain meds?
“They’ll help you to relax and get some rest.”
He doesn’t drop my hand.
“Really, it would help-”
A sound that I can only describe as a wolfish sound of exasperation escapes him and I can’t help but chuckle. “You wanna suffer then, huh? Alright. Whatever you want.”
He releases my hand and I pet him again. “You are the most gorgeous…wolf?” He let’s out a small bark of affirmation. “You are a wolf then..the biggest one I’ve ever seen, but you are a pretty boy.”
One last pat and I start to walk away when the most pitiful sounding wine escapes him.
“You don’t want me to leave you be?”
Another whine tells me he doesn’t. “Ok, but if you get hungry or thirsty, just…nudge me or something and I’ll bring you something. Ok?”
Another boof tells me he understands. I stand next to the table, calmly petting and scratching his head. That same low, deep grumble coming from his chest for a few moments before his jaw closes around my wrist, slightly tugging me towards him.
“You want me up there with you?”
He replies with another small, gentle tug and I give in, climbing carefully up onto the metal table, grabbing my discarded jacket and putting it down next to him so I can sit on it. I scoot up close to him and he eventually drops my wrist, making small noises until he has me where he wants me, which is right up against his chest, nestled into the side of his neck. He has no injuries where my back leans against him, so I do. He’s so warm and comforting and seems to relax as I cuddle in closer. I can’t explain it, but this feels…right. I feel a pull towards this wolf, almost like I do when I’m around….
—
When I wake in the morning, he’s gone, my body gently laying on my jacket, the only sign of him the stray hairs he left behind, the only thing telling me I didn’t make the entire thing up.
I clean up, making sure everything is back in its place, pulling my truck around front to its regular parking spot by my house. Going about my day, I can’t get the beautiful, golden wolf out of my head, how massive he was, like nothing I’ve ever seen.
As late afternoon approaches, I realized I needed to start cooking dinner as Benny would be over any moment. I shoot him a text confirming his weekly dinner plans with me at my house. He’s been coming nearly every week, tolerating my cooking, devouring my baking, and bringing the occasional take out and alcohol.
Me: Hey - you still coming? I have steak.
…
Several minutes pass, which is very odd for Benny.
Benny: Not today. Have a project. Raincheck?
That’s odd.
Me: Sure. Everything ok?
…
Benny: yeah just won’t finish in time. See you soon
Well, I guess it’s just me then.
-------------------------------3-----------------------------
I don’t see Benny for a few days and his texts are sporadic, telling me he’s in a place with spotty reception. Which honestly pans out because this town has spotty reception even in the best places.
I’m standing in my kitchen, willing the oven to just work already, when I hear a truck pull up. Abandoning the oven, I walk over to glance out the window and see Benny pull up, getting out of his own truck. Throwing open the front door, I stand there, arms crossed, trying to put a mad expression on my face but failing miserably.
“Where have you been, Mr. Miller?”
He grabs a couple of bags from the passenger side and a case of beer, closing the door with a flick of his hip, which makes me squirm.
“I know, I know. ‘M sorry. But I come with gifts!” He holds up the bags and beer, a smile spreading across his beautiful face as he jerks his head to move his hair out of his face.
He walks right up to me, standing closer than is socially acceptable between “just friends”, staring down at me with those beautiful blue eyes and it sends shivers throughout my body.
“What sort of gifts?”
“Mama J’s home cookin’.”
“Did you get pie?”
“Wouldn’t be Mama J’s without it.”
“You’re forgiven.”
He laughs and I move aside to let him in, unable to stop myself from watching him walk into the kitchen. He starts unloading the bags and glances at my open oven.
“Problem?” He nods towards the oven as he continues to pull out food, their delicious aromas filling the kitchen.
“Yeah. Damn thing won’t heat up anymore. Probably will have to replace it,” I shrug, snatchign a hush puppy from it’s to-go container and popping it in my mouth.
Benny glances back at the stove before looking at me. “I can take a look if you’d like?”
“You can look at whatever you want.”
Was that a blush I caught on his face? Before I can be sure, he’s turned away, grabbing the bottle opener from the drawer and popping open two beers, handing one to me. He takes a long swig and I copy him, feeling his eyes glance in my direction.
We eat and catch up, laughing and chatting like normal, finishing off most of the food and beer. True to his word, Benny grabs the toolbox from the barn and plops himself down, poking around the oven for a bit, still chatting with me as I clean up. A loud pop! sounds and I jump, Benny backing out of the oven and closing the door. He turns a few knobs and I hear the oven click on, heating already starting to permeate the room.
“You fixed it!”
A large hand comes up to scratch the back of his neck. “It was nothin’.”
“You saved me from having to buy a whole new one. It’s not nothin’ to me.”
“Whatever you need, I’m your guy.”
The room fills with tension and I laugh nervously to try and break it. “Uh…how about a beer? To celebrate?”
“You got it, sweetheart.”
Benny pops open the last 2 and hands me one. We click our bottles together and drink, some beer leaking out and dripping down my neck.
“Shit!” I say, looking around for a napkin.
Before I can, Benny is there, standing too close, filling my nose with the scent of him, like woods and dirt and beer, his large hands wrapping around the back of my head, his thumb slightly brushing over the trail of beer down my neck. I can feel his breath on my face, the closeness of him, and it’s nearly unbearable. I look up at him, his bright blues finding my eyes, searching my face quickly, as if he’s trying to talk himself out of something he so desperately wants.
And then his lips are on mine, crashing into me like a wave, his scent enveloping me as his tongue pushes at mine, his fingers tightening in my hair as he slightly moans into my mouth. The tension we’ve held between us, the obvious attraction and pull we’ve had towards each other since the first moment we’ve met pops and it lights me up, my fingers grabbing and pulling at the buttons on the flannel shirt he’s wearing, desperately trying to rid each other of the clothes we’re wearing.
Suddenly, he pulls back and tosses me over his shoulder like it’s nothing, chuckling at the squeal I let out on my way up. He makes his way to my bedroom, kicking open the door as he sets me down in front of him, pulling me to him and resuming kissing.
Clothes are pried from our bodies, heavy breathing fills the room as he kisses and sucks at my nipples, pulling all sorts of sounds from me that I’ve never heard before. He starts to kiss further down but I stop him, pulling him back up towards my face.
“I need you, Benny.”
“I need you, sweetheart.”
He pushes in, eyes on my face as my head flies back, whines and moans coming from deep within. He’s the biggest I’ve ever had, but fucking hell I would let him split me open like this again and again forever. I can feel every inch of him, slowly inching his way inside of me. It’s like we’re a perfect fit, always destined for each other. Wrapping my legs around him, my hands start gripping at his arms of their own accord.
And then he moves.
Slowly moving out and back in, letting me adjust but also watching me come undone beneath him, an extra thrust deep inside has me screaming his name in no time, clenching around him as my body tightens and explodes. When I open my eyes, I can see Benny holding his shut tight, his motions becoming more held back.
“You don’t have to hold back. I can take it.”
His eyes fly open and he looks down at me. “I don’t think you know what you’re sayin’, sweetheart.”
“Fuck me, Benny. I need you to fuck me.”
His eyes darken, lust fully taking over and he grunts, pinning my arms to either side of my head as his thrusts pick up, pushing into me hard as I whine his name. He leans down, biting my shoulder and fuck does that feel good, a load moan escaping me.
“Fuck!”
Benny pulls back, letting go of my arms and gripping my hips, flipping me around, my hands slapping down on the mattress. I barely stop bouncing from the movement before he’s inside me, rutting into me roughly and setting a quick pace that lights my entire body up. His large hand is on my upper back, pushing me down into the mattress, his other one with an increasingly harder grip on my hip. I can feel his fingernails digging into my skin, his breathing coming out more like huffs across me, and…was that an actual growl?
Air blows across my back as my skin pimples as Benny pulls out of me quickly, feet padding quickly across the floor and I hear the bathroom door slam shut. I am…confused. I know he didn’t finish but I had assumed he was feeling at least good?
Sounds from the bathroom finally break through my haze of confusion - scrambling, snufflung, groans, and my stuff clattering to the floor. I get up, wrapping the blanket around me and knock on the door.
“Benny? Are you ok?”
A low growl and grumble is my only response, the shuffling and scraping continuing.
“Do you need help?”
No response, but a few moments later, the noises all stop. I open my mouth to call his name, but the door flies open, Benny quickly pushing past me without even looking at me, a mumbled “Don’t feel good” all I can make out as he throws on his boxers, grabs his clothes, and basically runs out the door.
Momentarily stunned, I finally move, making it to the front door when I hear his truck hauling ass down my driveway, dirt flying up and obstructing my view.
What the fuck just happened?
Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt him and cause him to do whatever it was? No, this was definitely mutually agreed upon. And he was the one being rough with me…
I turn to head to the stairs, fighting back the tears that had started build the more I thought about how he couldn’t even look at me, tossing some lame excuse over his shoulder as he ran away from me as fast as he could. He always said we’d be bad together.
And then my eyes land on his jacket, casually tossed over the back of the couch when he had first entered my house, and I can’t help it - the tears start to fall, streaming down my face as I pick up the coat. I look at it for a moment before bringing it to my face, softly inhaling the scent of Benny before I collapse on the couch, crying into the soft fabric.
What did I do wrong?
The smell of him filling my head starts to hint at a memory. A familiar feeling from a very furry, very large patient….
I jump up from the couch, the jacket clutched in my fist as I head back upstairs, dropping the blanket from around my body and taking a breath before I enter my bathroom.
Everything on the counters was now on the floor, some split open and leaking gel and soap all over the floor, obvious skid marks from his feet in the bubbles, which must have caused the shuffling sound I’d heard. The curtain was pulled down, cut in a few places. There were a few deep gouges in my tile floor and some scratches on the sink and countertop. And then I see them - golden hairs, just a few, stuck in the soap all over my floor and a few on the edge of the sink. Things start to slide into place, impossible things, yet I know in my gut that I’m right.
Throwing on some clothes, I run out of the house, jumping into my truck and driving as fast as I could towards Benny’s cabin, images of the fantastical from all the fantasy stories and movies I’d ever seen dancing in front of me.
-------------------------------4-----------------------------
“Benny!” My fist is pounding against his front door, echoing across the front porch. “I know you’re here!”
His truck is in the driveway, parked quickly and haphazardly, the driver’s side door still halfway open, as if he had jumped from the truck rather quickly. The dirt around the open door is distrubed, boot marks and scuff marks litter the ground and lead towards the woods surrounding his cabin.
“Benny - I know….and I’m fine with it. Just…please come talk to me.”
His hearing has to be good, right? Several long moments pass before I feel him, rather than see him, come towards me from the woods. He’s fully shifted, that giant golden wolf I had treated months prior, quietly padding towards me with barely any sound. It’s amazing something so massive could make such little sound, but I suppose that’s part of the whole being a predator thing.
As he walks towards me, I see his body start to shift and sort of shimmer. Not like glitter but more like too many things happening at once, when suddenly he appears directly in front of me in human form, staring down at me with those baby blues I love so much.
“Hey, Ben. You…are you ok?”
He chuckles. “You just saw me change from a wolf to a human and you’re asking me if I’m ok?”
“Well…you did run out of my bedroom rather quickly.”
“‘M sorry about that, sweetheart. I - you did nothing wrong. Fuck you’ve done everything right. It’s me who’s the fuck up - oh shit! I’ll replace your bathroom-”
Now it’s my turn to chuckle. “I’m not worried about it, Benny.”
His eyes find mine again, switching from staring into one and then the other. “Did you mean what you said?”
“Which part?”
“The…you’re ok with-” he gestures towards himself “-everything.”
I take a deep breath, inhaling the cool night air as I let my eyes roam down his-naked- body and back up.
“Especially if this is how you walk around normally.”
He seems to realize he’s naked finally and he smiles. “Didn’t seem to bother you a bit ago…but…are you sure? You’d really want…all of me?”
With one step, I close the distance between us, my hands sliding up his bare, warm chest to tangle in the hair at the nape of his neck, feeling a low rumble in his chest. “There isn’t any part of you I don’t want. I’ve been drawn to you since I first met you, Benjamin Miller. And nothing is going to change that.”
He kisses me then, greedily and hungry, as if no one has ever accepted him, truly accepted him before. He taps the back of my thighs and lifts me as I jump to wrap my legs around him, having zero issues with holding any of my weight. His kisses are needy, but not just for sexual desire. It’s like he needs me, to be accepted fully as he is, and I’m determined to prove my love for him.
Love? Is that what this is?
It has to be. The tangle of knots and butterflies coursing through my body tells me it’s more than primal instinct. The feeling of soft sheets against my back brings me back to reality and it’s only now I notice that my clothes are gone, Benny hovering over me and kissing a path down my neck, pulling such sounds from me that they sound foreign to my ears. He glances back to my face, his full of question and concern, worry that I’m going to back out.
In response, I wrap my legs around him, trying to push his hips forward into mine and to my surprise, he lets me, slowly pushing inside of me while his eyes stay on my face, taking it all in again as if he’s seeing me differently since things were revealed. He starts to set a pace, softer than I thought he would, as if he were afraid to break me. I take his face in my hands and he pauses, waiting for me to speak.
“I’m not going to break, Ben.”
“What?” His voice is restrained, constricted.
“Just…you can be rough with me too. I can take it.”
His eyes darken. “Are you…are you sure?”
“Fuck yes!”
The words barely leave my mouth before he grips my wrists, pinning them to either side of my head and setting a rough pace, fucking me up the bed with each thrust, lighting up my entire body and making my brain go all fuzzy. When I’m able to focus, I look at his face and his eyes flash, no longer the bright blue but an orange yellow, his ears starting to do that weird shimmer thing. He freezes and moves to pull out, but I take advantage of him dropping my wrists to grab onto him.
“Don’t go,” I beg him. I’m not above begging at this point.
His fiery eyes darken and when he speaks, it doesn’t sound like him, almost as if his voice is transitioning to…well, something else.
“I don’t…I can’t…”
“Ssshhh hey, it’s ok. Just…stop moving for a minute. Come here.” I pull his head towards my chest, having him lay it there. He listens to my heart for several long moments and I feel his body relax into mine. When he pushes himself back up, the blue eyes are back.
“That…I’ve never been able to do that before.”
“Do what?”
“Calm myself down from shifting. I mean, I can slow it down, but usually I have to shift. It’s really…difficult to control.”
“Well, if you needed further proof that I meant what I said, then that was it.”
“I fuckin’ love you.”
Silence.
“Shit, sweetheart, ‘m sor-”
“I love you too.”
He smiles, his bright, wide smile that I love so much, and he kisses me, slowly starting up a newer, slower pace as he brings me over the edge several times that night before finally coming himself. We collapse together on the bed, our heavy breathing mixing together in the near silent room.
--------
A month passes before Benny is spending most of his time by me, trying to get all of my patients used to his presence. He’s explained some of his culture to me, and why some of the livestock go missing from time to time. He has to survive on something, and since he’s no longer consuming…well humans, then it has to be whatever else he can find.
“Are there any more like you around here?”
His back stiffens and he stares off for a moment, a hard, pensive look on his face. “Yes.”
I nod, thinking. “Are they what was coming around my house?”
He’s quiet for a few moments. “Yes. Although, sometimes it was me. I was trying to leave my scent around as much as possible. I’d hoped they’d leave you alone.”
“Well it mostly worked. For bits of time anyway.”
He also tells me he can shift virtually at will, although he feels compelled, nearly almost forced to during the full moon. The younger you are, the less you can control it, which is what makes newly turned weres so much more dangerous.
When I asked him if he had a pack, I was half kidding, assuming werewolves were more solitary, sort of like they are in most media. But when he didn’t answer right away, I knew something was wrong.
He quietly told me how he had belonged to a pack led by his brother, Will. Yes, Will, as in that guy that gave me the major bad vibes at the bar that one night. So maybe I wasn’t making it up that he had sniffed me.
“What happened?”
His face gets hard, anger etched in every corner. “I didn’t want to feed on humans any more. Will…disagreed.”
Oh.
“Well that explains why he gave me such bad vibes. I didn’t know he was your brother.”
“Will doesn’t always remember himself. He’s a lot more…he gives into his primal side most of the time. And it doesn’t end pretty for anyone he’s truly set his sights on. Promise me you’ll stay away from him.”
“I’ve been actively avoiding him since that night. No problems there.”
-------------------------------5-----------------------------
Some time goes by and we’ve settled into a nice little routine. Benny still has his cabin and will spend time there, but mostly he’s by me. I know he wants to just be around me but I also know he’s keeping an eye out for me, whether in human form or wolf form, running around in my woods. Probably marking territory or something. Do werewolves even do things like that?
It’s a little late tonight, Benny having shifted and taken off into the woods. It’s getting nearer to the next full moon and I know he gets spurts of anxiety about having to shift with the moon, even though he has complete control of himself around me. He still asks me nearly daily if I’m truly ok with him, always giving me an out if I want it.
As if I could ever leave him. He’s too entwined in my heart, in my entire being. I love this man, all of this man, more than I thought I could love anyone.
I’m just finishing up a late snack for Ben - ok, more like an entire meal of raw steak and potatoes, when I hear the front door open and close. Taking care to not spill steak blood all over my counter, I don’t turn right away to greet him.
“You’re late tonight. Everything ok?”
As I finish my sentence, I feel it. The creeping feeling in the pit of my stomach, the hairs on my arms and neck all standing at alert, my feet itching to run away.
Will.
I’d gotten too comfortable, the gun with the special silver bullets that Benny had given me in the other room of no use to me. There’s no way I’d be able to make it there on time without being grabbed by Will…or worse. But I have to try, don’t I? I won’t go down without at least trying.
“If you wanted dinner with your brother, you should’ve called. I’d have made you one too.”
A dark chuckle sounds behind me, much closer than I thought he’d be. “Who says I’m here for him?”
“I’m flattered.”
That deep, dark chuckle sounds again, rattling around in my brain, which is yelling at me to run.
“You don’t have to act brave. I can smell your fear.”
I pause for a moment, straining to hear anything from outside, any sound of Benny possibly coming to my rescue. Hearing none, I take a slow, deep breath before I move.
Turning quickly, I throw the plate with the 2 bloody, raw steaks on it directly at Will’s face. I have pretty good aim and it hits him just where I want it to, but I don’t wait around to see what he does next. Bolting from the kitchen, I make it through the back family room, nearly to the gun’s hiding place before he’s on me, handing curling around my throat and tightening, pulling me back towards him as he spins me in his grip to face him.
Steak blood trickles down his face, dripping into his lips, his tongue darting out to lick it as it does. His eyes, once a light blue, are dark, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth that’s alluding to more horrors to come. His thick fingers tighten more around my neck, just barely allowing me to breathe as I claw at his hand, knowing there was no way I’d be able to pry his fingers from around me.
“You’ll be my 142nd kill, darlin’.”
142?
“I can see why my brother cares for you. You’ve got fire in you and-” his finger comes up to caress my jaw and it makes me want to vomit “-you’re very pretty. Maybe we can have some fun before I kill you.”
I don’t like how his eyes take on a slight reddish, orange hue as he says fun, that dark glint sending shivers throughout my body, my brain still screaming at me to run, despite my lack of adequate oxygen.
Suddenly his smile widens and he pulls me to him and I think ‘this is it. I’m about to die right now’, when he turns me around and there’s Benny in the doorway, deep scratches across his chest, bleeding slightly but they look superficial. He obviously had been in some sort of fight, but he definitely won. He’s completely naked, but even still, his presence seems to take up the entire room, attempting to dominate over his brother’s.
“Drop. Her. Now.” His voice is calm, but the tone behind it is a warning.
Will chuckles again and if I wasn’t choking, taking in small gasps of air, I’d have vomited from the sound of it.
“I used to wonder what you saw in this..human..what would make you stay away from the pack-”
“You know I left the pack long before I met her. She has nothin’ to do with it so let her go.”
“You can’t live like this. On animal blood. You need to come back to the pack, little bro. You need us-”
“I don’t need any of you.”
Will nods, his fingers flexing across my throat. “I guess you don’t since you have this one. This, human. But if you care for her so much, why is she blank?”
Benny doesn’t reply, the air filling with more tension between the two brothers as I continue to gasp, trying to get more air into my lungs.
“Because that tradition is old and out dated and doesn’t always end well.”
“For the human, you mean.”
More silence. I haven’t a clue what they’re talking about but I do know I need more air or I’m not going to make it, my vision already starting to darken around the edges.
Will leans closer to me and sniffs, smirking as I weakly try to back away from him. “Pity you didn’t mark her, baby brother. If you had, I wouldn’t have her throat in my hand right now.”
His nose pushes into the space below my ear, the space that Benny loves to kiss and nip at, often leaving marks because he knows what it does to me. But Will doing it just makes me sick, tears streaming down my face from the lack of oxygen and being in such close proximity to the man who is set on torturing me to get back at his brother.
Benny makes a slight move forward and Will’s grip tightens, fully cutting off my air flow. I choke and sputter, my fingernails digging into Will’s hands, trying to get him to loosen his grip, my toes barely scraping across the floor as he’s held me up this entire time. This is it. This is how I die -
And then his grip slackens slightly, allowing a small amount of blessed air to inflate my lungs and I gulp at it greedily, trying to get as much as I can.
“Tell you what, baby brother. I’ll give you a choice. You can either take her life gently, bringing you back to the pack. Or I’ll take it. And you know how I like to take my time.”
Well that’s fucked up.
“You’re so fucked in the head.”
Will shrugs. “Guess she’s mine then?”
“No! I’ll…I’ll take her.” Benny’s voice sounds defeated, sad and I just want to comfort him, even with the lack of air.
Will studies his brother’s face, trying to find any trace of a lie.
“Tell you what, baby brother. I’m feelin’ generous. I’ll give you 24 hours to take care of this human or I’m comin’ for her. Deal?”
Benny glances down at me, alarm in his eyes as he takes in my face. “Deal.”
Will releases me immediately and I crumble to the ground, taking in gulps of air as I cough and sputter out. Will calmly walks to my front door, casually tossing over his shoulder -
“24 hours. See you tomorrow, little brother.”
-------------------------------6-----------------------------
Benny is at my side, pulling me to him and trying to inspect me, anger flashing in his eyes when he looks at my neck. I grab onto him, letting the feeling of him wash over me as my breathing levels out. He lets me cry for a bit, the shock of near death rattling me to my core. I’d been so stupid to think Will had dropped interest in me. If only I’d have kept the gun near me-
“Hey sweetheart. Look at me. I need to see if you’re ok.”
I comply, turning my face up at him as his eyes rake over me again. Finding no other injuries aside from my neck, he helps me as I try to sit up next to him.
“Did he touch you anywhere else?”
I shake my head, coughing as I try to speak. “No,” I manage to croak out.
He nods, cradling my face in his hands. I meet his eyes and I see tears swimming in his. “ ‘m so sorry, sweetheart.”
“It’s….ok…” I cough some more when I try to speak.
“Think you can walk?”
I nod and he helps me stand, setting me on the table as he grabs me a glass of water. I drink it down greedily, choking slightly with the speed of my gulps, and he takes the water from me, setting it off to the side.
“We can get you out of town.”
I look up at him, clearing my throat a little. “I doubt…that would…work.” Another coughing fit overtakes me, the pain in my throat making itself known now that the threat is gone.
“Will you let me help you?”
I raise my eyebrow at him. How does he plan on doing that?
“Do you trust me?”
Without hesitation, I nod. I fully trust him, even with the ultimatum his brother just gave him.
He kisses my forehead and then steps back into an area between the kitchen and the living space with the most room. And then, he shifts, his entire body doing that blurring thing from before. His grunts turn into yelps and then he’s standing, gorgeous and golden even in the dark kitchen lighting. He quietly pads over to me and looks at me, his face nearly directly in mine, waiting for my permission, despite having it a moment ago.
I nod again, not sure of what he needs me to do. He leans forward, his nose nudging at my chin, getting me to lift it. I do and expose my neck to him, something most people would find me insane for, but this is Benny. My Benny. He sniffs my neck for a moment and then he licks it, wherever the pain is, where I’m sure the bruising is, he licks. It hurt at first, the wound protesting under his tongue at being touched, but then it starts to dissipate, as if the marks and bruising were healing. After several moments, he stops, pulling back to look at my neck to make sure he got it all. Apparently happy with his work, he steps back into the open space and shifts back, blurring out and back into my vision as he regains his human shape.
He’s standing in front of me, his human eyes inspecting my neck. “I think I got it all. Anywhere else hurt?”
“You…you have healing powers?”
He smiles softly. “I do. I mean, it’s not going to heal more severe wounds, but things like bruises and cuts, it can heal that.”
“Holy shit.”
He laughs and it relaxes me. “Thank you, Benny.”
The smile fades from his face as the weight of what has to happen settles between us.
“It’s ok, Ben. I’d much rather you do it than him.” I squeeze his bicep but his head is already shaking.
“I can’t. I won’t…not anyone, but especially not you. Maybe you can get out of town? Just leave me here and-”
“I’m never leaving you, Ben. Besides, you and I both know Will would hunt me down.”
Benny thinks a moment before nodding, looking defeated. “You’re right.”
The scratches on his chest have already healed, dried blood all that’s left of them. I reach for him and he moves in, pulling me towards him, my cheek against his warm chest as he hugs me, smelling my head.
“What…what did Will mean when he talked about marking me?”
Benny stiffens. “Nothin’. Just an old ritual.”
“What is it?”
“Forget it. I’m not going to put you through that.”
“Well, we might not have a choice. Just…tell me.”
Benny is quiet again, thinking. He steps back from me and leans his lower back against the counter, completely at ease with being fully naked in my kitchen. Not that I’m complaining.
Not the time.
“It’s an ancient ritual for werewolves. Most of the time, we mate with each other, choosing to take a mate that changes with us and knows what we go through. Occasionally, weres have changed humans just for this. Most of the time they were willing. But sometimes, weres would fall in love with a human and they with them. Well, naturally in the beginning, the other weres would get upset and would typically…go after the human. Killin’ them or…or worse. Anyway, the weres worked out a ritual that would essentially grant the human rights, allowing them to remain human but would tell the other weres that they were off limits for feeding or retaliation.”
“That seems helpful.”
Benny takes a breath before continuing. “The ritual would have to show that the human accepts the were in both of their forms. It doesn’t always end well for a few reasons.”
“If they’re both in love, why not? Does one leave or something?”
A pause.
“Wait…what does the ritual entail?”
His eyes don’t meet him and it makes me nervous. “Basically…the were has to mate with the human-”
“We do that all the time-”
“-while in wolf form.”
Wait…what?
“In wolf form?”
Benny nods, still not looking at me. “And when the were…finishes, they bite the human, typically on the shoulder. It makes the mark appear but only weres and humans who have been through the ritual can see it.”
Silence hangs heavy in the kitchen, the old house creaking loudly.
“That doesn’t sound too bad.”
Benny’s eyes snap to mine. “The bite can be painful. I’ve not experienced that bite myself but I have heard from others who have. Not everyone survives it. Apparently, the mark literally burns itself into your skin.”
Damn. “What does it look like?”
“I-what?”
“The mark. What does it look like?”
He cocks his head. “That’s what you’re concerned about?”
“I wanna know I won’t look stupid.”
He doesn’t appreciate my humor. “It’s gorgeous, actually. Sort of shines a whitish, blue color. It sort of twists and turns in a pattern. Every one has a slightly different look to it based on the were and the human, but everyone knows what it means.”
“That sounds pretty cool.”
“You didn’t even ask about the first part.”
“Which part?”
He gives me a look. “The…mating.”
Oh.
“I mean…it’s still just you.”
He shakes his head a little in disbelief. “It doesn’t always end well if the human is female. We can get…intense, during the ritual and you know how big I am in wolf form and-”
“You’re packin’, basically.”
He chokes back a laugh at my bluntness. “I mean, I’m not braggin’ but yes. You can see how that might not always end well for a female human.”
“Maybe. But you’ve got a healing tongue.” I give him a wink and he shakes his head, trying to hide his smile.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“I am.”
Silence again, this time the crickets and frogs getting louder with it.
“There’s one more thing.”
“Of course there is.”
“It’s permanent.”
“Well yeah. Most marks or tattoos are.”
“No, I mean the binding. It’s…it’s for life. Dying happens, and that doesn’t affect it but if we separate on our own, as in not being with each other anymore, the tattoo disappears and you’re not protected. And every were now knows it and would want to protect the secret. It…never ends well.”
“Oh. So basically, I’d be with you for…life.”
“Yup.”
Would it really be so bad? I already know, deep inside, when I really think about it, that there’s no way I’m leaving him. Ever. He’d have to be the one to get rid of me, but something tells me he feels the exact same pull that I do.
He must mistake my silence as hesitance because now he’s rambling. “You know what? Nevermind, sweetheart. You don’t have to do any of this. I don’t want you to get hurt, so I could…You could run and I’ll re-join the pack and keep Will in check. Or I could run with you, but then we’d be always looking over our shoulders-”
I hop off the table and take the step or so towards him, my palms flat against his warm chest as I gently glide them up him, my fingers tangling at the hair on the back of his neck.
“Unless you don’t want me, I’m never going anywhere, Benny. I want to be with you.”
Something in his eyes changes. They soften, a love radiating out from them as he watches me.
“Are you sure? It’s not like divorce is an option really here.”
Smiling, I stand on my tiptoes, my face an inch from his. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life, Benjamin Miller.”
He kisses me softer than I thought he would, gently tugging at my lips with his teeth, responding to my moan with his own, his large hand holding the back of my head.
He pulls back just half an inch. “I promise one day I’ll get you a ring.”
“I really don’t give a fuck, Ben.”
He laughs as I try to kiss him again, giving up on his lips and kissing my own path down his neck. He gasps and I feel him harden against my body, but then I remember - we’re on a time crunch. I pull back from him, my hands coming back to stay on his chest.
“So…how does this…work?”
He brushes some hair from my face, cupping my cheek as he takes a moment to think.
“Well…from others I’ve spoken to, it’s exactly like it sounds. There’s no magic herbs or anythin’.” He chuckles at that. “I’m thinkin’ this may need to happen outside. I’d break the bed with my size and I’m not too sure the floor would be terribly comfortable. The females have all told me it can be…intense. But lucky for you, you have me.”
He pulls my face close to his, his grip on the back of my head tightening ever so slightly. “I’ll get you nice and ready for me, nice an’ wet.”
“Oh fuck,” I gasp out as Benny kisses me, taking the air from my lungs.
“Pretty much, sweetheart.” He chuckles as he pulls away and I follow, nearly falling over.
“Gimme a couple minutes and I’ll set somethin’ up.”
He leaves the kitchen, giving me a quick kiss before he does and now I’m standing here in the silence, the plate of food I had chucked at Will still scattered across the floor. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous at all, but me staying with Benny forever just feels…right. The rest of it? I guess I’ll find out.
I just finish cleaning the floor when Benny pops back in, a small smile on his face as he rubs the back of his neck. “Ready whenever you are.”
He’s still naked as the day he was born, standing there in all his naked glory and it’s all I can do to not climb this man like a tree. Nodding, I dry my hands and walk up to him, my fingers tugging at the hem of my shirt to take it off, but Benny grabs my wrists.
“That’s my job.”
I drop my shirt, his fingers brushing against my skin as he gently strips me of all my clothes, making me just as bare as he is. He takes my hand and leads me outside, the sounds of the crickets and frogs accompanying us as he brings me over to an area near the creek that runs across the side of my property. The ground is softest here and Benny has spread a blanket out over a large patch, making sure that I’d be in the most comfortable place.
“I was gonna bring out those electric candles you have? But really-” He steps back, his eyes dragging over my skin as he grows hard again “-I just wanted to see you naked in the moonlight.”
His eyes darken with lust watching me squirm and he gestures to the blanket, offering a hand to help me sit down. I lay all the way back, shifting my body into the soft fabric below me as he kneels down, hovering over me a moment before kissing me. He pulls back too quick, but before I can pout, he’s brushing his fingers over my cheek, his eyes roaming across my face as his gaze softens.
“I love you so much, you know that, right sweetheart?”
“Not as much as I love you.”
His lips don’t linger on mine as Benny starts to kiss and nip a path down my neck, stopping to pay attention to each nipple, and I can feel his smirk widen with each huff of air I exhale.
He starts to move further down, wedging his broad shoulders inbetween my thighs to pry them open as far as he can, settling down into the blanket as he kisses and nips at my inner thighs, my laughing moans making that lopsided smirk appear again.
Any snarky comeback I may have thought of dies on my lips as he buries his face between my thighs, kissing, licking, and nudging at all parts of me, casually tossing an arm over my mower stomach to keep me from moving. One of my hands finds his hair and I pull it, making him growl into me which pushes me over the edge, his voice lighting me up with my release as I cry his name into the night, my other hand fisting into the sheet beside me. He does this to me a few more times before he pulls back, wiping my off his face with a grin as he stares down at what must be the blissed out look on my face. He runs a thick finger up my cunt and my body twitches.
“Fuck, sweetheart. You’re still so wet, aren’t you?”
I nod, or I think I do. It’s hard to tell with your head feeling all full of pleasure and fluff. I notice the smile start to fade from his face and that’s when I remember what still has to happen. If I’m being honest, I’m not afraid. I just don’t want him to be afraid.
“Benny?”
“Mmm?”
“Relax. We’ll be fine. I trust you-”
“But what if I hurt you?”
“You won’t.”
“But what if I do?”
I sigh, a small puff of air poofing out from my lips. “If I die being gloriously fucked by the love of my life, then know I died happy as fuck.”
That at least got him to chuckle a little and I can see him start to relax some.
“Tell you what - if it gets to be too much, I’ll yell out something. Like…I don’t know…pizza?”
Now he laughs, the smile that I love so much lighting up his face. “Pizza?”
“Yeah. I don’t typically call out foods during sex so…”
“Pizza it is then.” He chuckles once more as he kisses me, quickly standing up, shuffling from foot to foot.
“Could you, uh…maybe flip over?”
“Like on my stomach?”
“Y-yeah. It would make this…easier. I think.”
“You’re making it sound like fucking your girlfriend is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do.”
He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. I toss him a wink and turn over, pushing my ass in the air and my chest down as far as I can. There’s silence for a moment and then the air changes. It’s like I can feel him shifting, the air around our spot igniting with something that I can only describe as magic, as I’ve never seen it outside of, well, Benny shifting.
Soft pads come onto the blanket and I know he’s making noise for me, as he can be nearly silent in wolf form. A cold nose pokes at my ass and I’m about to crack some lame joke, but then he scoots his nose down and starts sniffing, a quick lick across me and my body twitches in response, which I swear he did just to see me twitch.
Giant golden paws appear in my peripheral vision on either side of my head and he nudges at my hair on my back, moving it so he can have a clear bite on my shoulder. Ok, now I’m a little nervous, but it’s more excited nervous?
Soft fur tickles my skin as he sinks closer to me, enveloping me in his scent, filling my nose and my head with it until that’s all I can think of. He warm breaths huff out across my neck and head as he settles down more without crushing me. I’d be the world’s biggest liar if I said this didn’t turn me on.
Then, I feel him. Wetter, than I thought, and warm, more warm that I thought too. He starts to push through my folds, trying to get me wetter, but holy shit the size of him. I have no clue how long, but he’s thick, wide as fuck and now I can see where some of the females have said it’s intense - and why some of them didn’t make it. Especially if care wasn’t taken.
Lucky for me, this is Benny.
The more he rubs himself through my folds, the more wet I get and I can’t help the whine that escapes me, desperate for something, anything to happen. The air is so charged with tension, both sexual and situational, that I swear it’s going to ignite. He pulls back and hesitates a moment, pausing to take a breath before he slowly, slowly, starts to push inside.
I can feel myself opening for him, trying to take him in, my skin stretching itself around him as he pulls out, pushing back in slowly again. He’s giving me time to adjust and I am extremely grateful as this is the most I’ve ever…well, done. My face is buried in the blanket, mouth agape as he repeats the process, and I can feel every muscle in him twitch and strain with restraint. Fuck he’s so large. I don’t know if I can…but I have to. I have to. And what’s more is…I want to.
Somehow, some amount of time later (what even is time any more?) he’s fully seated, or as seated as he’s going to be inside me, and he stills his hips, sniffling at my neck as if to ask how I’m doing. Slowly, I turn my face to the side, my breath pushing hair away from my mouth as I take in some fresh air. I can feel him everywhere, around me outside and touching every part of my inside, fully surrounded by him and his scent and it goes straight to my head, just like that first day that I met him.
“I can feel you everywhere. You’re so..fuck. Just…move or whatever. Please.”
He whines slightly and I nod. “Yes, I’m sure. Please Benny.”
A quick, small nip at my shoulder tells me he understands and so he starts to move, opting to thrust even deeper somehow, stimulating all the spots inside me as he does so.
“Oh fuck! No no, don’t stop!” Benny had frozen when I first spoke..yelled? I think I yelled. But when he resumes his movement, I can feel the pride in his thrusts, happy that he can make me feel good even in this form.
It only takes him 3 more thrusts like this before I’m screaming his name into the night, tightening around him as I come. He waits for me to finish, a huff that sounds just like a chuckle coming from him when I start begging him for more. He starts to relax, his body sinking slightly closer to me, his hips more loose, and his thrusts a little harder. It burns slightly, but fuck does it feel good. My legs start twitching as his massive cock continues to stimulate everything inside me all at once, my body starting to slowly inch up the blanket as he relaxes, realizing he’s not going to split me in half.
Which I’d thank him for if he did.
His thrusts start to speed up, more erratic than before and I grab onto his legs, my fingernails digging into his skin as I scream his name again, feeling him thrust into me once more before he howls, straight up howls, into the night, mixing in with my cries of pleasure.
I’d forgotten about the bite.
His teeth sink into my shoulder, blood seeping out from under them and this time I cry out with pain as he holds his jaws there. He hasn’t tasted human blood in years, which dawns on me as he continues to hold me down, still buried inside of me, his seed leaking down my thighs. He’s so close I can feel his pulse quicken, his breaths coming out more intensely, fanning out across my neck and the side of my face. My body is conflicted, the fucked out side of my brain competing with the ‘get the fuck out of there’ side of my brain.
But this is Benny. My Benny.
“I love you, Ben. You got this.”
A moment later and he relaxes, his jaws loosening as he holds his head up and away from my shoulder. He doesn’t move beyond that and I feel him staring down at my back, waiting for the mark to appear-
Oh. Fuck.
I’d forgotten about the mark too, the memory of Benny telling me that it supposedly burns itself into your skin coming roaring back as my back feels like someone is holding a torch to it. I scream, not from pleasure but from the mark engraving itself into my flesh. I try to move away from it, knowing it wouldn’t make it stop but my primitive brain is in charge and it’s telling me “pain bad. Run away.”
Only, I can’t. Benny and I are still joined, his massive body still over mine as he watches me writhing in pain, unable to do anything to help me. Even though I’m in the worst pain I’ve ever been in in my entire life, my skin being burned and morphed so I can be protected and accepted in this new world I find myself in, even though that has all my attention, I still think how hard this must be for Benny, to sit there and watch me and to be able to do nothing about it. I feel guilty, but another brush of fire to my skin has me screaming louder, my upper body twisting and flailing as my hands grip at anything I can to try and find purchase. And then suddenly, it stops. No more flame, no more pain, but now a pleasant, cooling sensation where the fire had been. My body slumps down into the blanket as I cling to this new feeling, the coolness washing over me as I close my eyes.
I feel Benny pull out from me, my cunt aching and sore from where he had been. My legs are stuck in the kneeling position, but I don’t care, a wave of exhaustion coming over me. Benny, still in wolf form, nudges me to turn over and I slowly, lazily, do, feeling him push my legs apart. The last thing I feel before I fall asleep is his tongue lapping at me, my legs and cunt twitching under it.
-------------------------------7-----------------------------
I wake to the late afternoon light streaming in from a window, shining gently on my face, the curtains blowing in the breeze. Blinking rapidly, I clear my eyes and realize that I’m in my bed on my stomach, completely stretched out on my bed. And naked. Still naked. I don’t see Benny anywhere but I hear some sounds downstairs.
“Ben?” My voice croaks with sleep and I wonder how long I’ve been out. It feels like days.
I hear him coming up the stairs and then he’s sitting next to me on the bed, gently moving hair from my face.
“Hey, sweetheart. How are you feelin’?”
How am I feeling? I take a quick mental scan: my knees are sore which makes sense considering all the kneeling. My back feels…completely fine. But interestingly, I’m not as sore as I thought I’d be between my legs, a distant, vague memory of him licking me coming to me through my just woke up haze.
“Did you…lick me?”
He chuckles, a smile appearing on his gorgeous face as his skin crinkles around those beautiful, blue eyes. “I did, yeah. Healing tongue, remember?”
I hadn’t remembered. “I..think I do.”
“Yeah you were pretty out of it. Completely passed out. But that didn’t stop you from coming again.”
I finally look at him fully. “I did not.”
“You did. Fully asleep. But I know those sounds.”
“Oh my God.”
“It was more of a moan-”
“Shut up.”
“I didn’t mean to. But I had to heal you and well…it happened. ‘M sorry.”
My eyes find his. “Never apologize for making me come, Benjamin Miller.”
His smile widens, any concern he had melting away. “I’ll try to remember that….you hungry?”
My stomach rumbles, answering for me. “I guess so.”
“I’ve just about got dinner made up-”
“How long have I been out?”
“It’s about 8pm.”
“So…like 17 ish hours?”
“Yeah sounds right.”
I nod, not knowing what else to say.
“I’ll let you get dressed and I’ll see you downstairs. Unless you need my help?”
“Nah I’ve got it. If I need help, I’ll yell.”
He gives me a quick kiss and heads out, closing the door gently behind him to give me some privacy. I wait a minute or two, finally convincing myself to get out of bed. I feel a little sore, but other than that, I feel pretty fucking great. I grab some clothes from my closet and head into the bathroom, digging through a drawer to find my hand mirror. Gripping it, I turn around, leaning my back against the sink as I hold up the mirror to try and see my back.
The mark is…beautiful. A pale white, blue color, filigree lines weave an intricate desgin from where he’d bitten me on my shoulder down my back, a beautiful pattern dancing across my skin. It doesn’t hurt at all, bending and twisting with my movements as if it wasn’t there. I toss on my clothes and head downstairs, Benny yelping when I smack his ass before sitting at the table where he’d set down a plate with a sandwich and some chips for me. I devour it all, listening to Benny chat idly about anything and nothing, him smiling when I asked for another. After I ate that sandwich too, Benny takes my hand and waits for me to look at him.
“I…I need to apologize to you. I almost lost it last night and I-”
I wave my free hand. “Don’t worry about it, Benny. I knew you wouldn’t.”
“I almost did.” Shame washes over him and I place my other hand on top of his.
“But you didn’t, Ben. It’s so close to the full moon and you hadn’t had human blood in so long. It was a bad position to be in. Well ok, not all of the positions we were in were bad that night.” I give him a wink and he smiles, nodding at what I said.
“Fuck you felt fantastic. It’s so different. Good different. I’ve never…not in wolf form.”
“Not even another wolf?”
He shakes his head. “Nope.”
“Well now I feel honored.”
Benny leans forward to kiss me, but the kitchen door flies open and Will strides in, anger and fire in his eyes as he looks between me and Benny. No words are exhcanged but Benny stands, shifting his body slightly in a defensive manner, trying to block me from Will.
And that’s all it takes.
Will launches himself at Benny, knocking him off his feet. They fall to the ground, rolling around punching, grabbing, and growling at each other. I scramble back, nearly tripping over the chair I knocked over as I try to get to the other room where the gun was, the one with the silver bullets. Why didn’t I have this thing glued to my side?
I hear a giant clatter, turning to see Will throw Benny into my fridge, the metal door bending like it was made of paper under his body. He crumples to the floor. I know I shouldn’t be looking, I should be running for the gun, the only way I can save us, but as I turn, swallowing my scream, Will is on me, his fingers twisting in my hair as he grabs it and yanks back, pulling my back flush against his heaving chest. His strong arm moves across my body and pins me to him as I squirm feebly under his grip. He turns, facing me towards Benny who is still on the ground, shaking his head and looking up at his brother in horror.
“No, Will! Please don’t!” Benny holds his hands up in a treaty pose, but Will simply laughs, ice flooding my veins at the sound.
“I told you, baby brother. Either you take her life, or I will. You made your choice and now, you get to watch.”
“No!”
In one quick, fluid movement, Will shoves me to the ground hard, twisting my body so when my back hits the floor, the wind is knocked from me. I watch in horror as Will shifts above me, his pale fur and red eyes staring down at me not even 2 seconds after he’d shoved me to the ground.
And then, he’s on me, his jaws clamping down on my neck, my scream and his snarl, coupled with Benny’s screams of anguish the last thing I’ll ever hear in this life.
Except, nothing happened. I felt no pain, no teeth penetrating my skin. I realize the scream I’m hearing isn’t mine or Benny’s but Will’s, his body contorting back to that of his human form. It’s not pleasant to watch. No longer the quick shimmer, but his body bending and snapping back into place, like some twisted puzzle cube. Once he’s back in his human form he collapses to the ground, heaving into the hard wood floor. I look over at Benny who, to my shock, was smiling.
“What..the fuck…did you do to me?” Will yells at me, spit flying from his mouth as his body twitches with what I assume are pain spasms.
“I- me? You’re the one who attacked me!”
“You fucking BITCH!” Will closes his eyes, the air around him briefly shimmering before it fizzles out, leaving him in his human form. He tries this a few more times, but the shimmer is gone.
“FUCK!”
Benny pulls at my arm, helping me to stand and he motions for me to back up. I comply, completely dumbfounded as to what was happening. Benny leans down, Will lifting his head shakily, his body still twitching occasionally.
“No more wolf for you, big brother.”
“What? What the fuck are you talkin’ about?”
He leans closer, his smile widening. “You tried to bite a marked.”
Will’s eyes widen, pure shock on his face. “She’s…marked?”
Benny keeps his eyes on Will but turns his head slightly to me. “Show him.”
I turn my back to them and unbutton my shirt, moving my shoulders so the top shifts down my back, exposing my only-visible-to-weres-and-others-like-me mark. Will starts speaking under his breath, steady chant of “No no no no!” getting louder and louder.
“You tricked me!”
“I didn’t do anythin’. You came in here and attacked. You never even gave me a chance to say anythin’.”
I turn back to them, having finished buttoning back up my shirt and now it’s my turn to be shocked as I see Will, muscly bad boy Will, crying, tears streaming down his face.
“It…it’s gone?”
“Yup. No more shiftin’.”
Will dry heaves, tears splattering on my floor. “What…what do I do now?”
“Well first, I’d say you need to get some pants on. But after that? Do some real deep soul searchin’. Because you’ve taken a lot of lives, and most unnecessarily. And you’re about the feel the weight of that.”
Will crumples into a heap on the floor, crying in anger and loss. Benny stands up and backs away from him, triumph on his face at finally defeating his brother. As much as I dislike Will, down to my core, my caring side kicks in and, against my own better judgement, I walk towards him, gathering up his clothes that were scattered. I fold them nicely and gently place them down next to him before walking back to stand with Benny, who studies me as I lean into him.
Will lifts his head, glancing over at the neatly folded stack of clothes and then looks at me, all trace of spite and hatred towards me gone, fully replaced by what I’m assuming is a new feeling to him.
Fear.
EPILOGUE:
Benny takes over as leader of the pack, since his brother is no longer able to shift. He declares that humans are off the menu and to his surprise, everyone agrees. They hadn’t liked Will’s vicious ways but were too terrified of him to say or move against him. They take to their new lifestyle and their new leader quickly, and it’s not long before my kitchen, and my property, are filled with now welcome sounds of them padding around, howling and having a great time. Some of my patients still go missing, but, as usual, no one complains.
Benny officially proposed to me about 2 weeks after our final confrontation with Will. He says the only reason he waited that long was because the ring he wanted for me took that long to custom make, and that was with the jewler prioritizing him because he owed Benny.
We got married in a small ceremony on my property, just family and the pack, whom my family just adores. They all love Benny and are thrilled that I finally met someone and that he’s a good person.
As for Will? He stayed with us for a couple of weeks, Benny helping him to work through his transition away from being a werewolf. He still has to come to terms with what he’s done in his life and that’s a task I don’t envy. Benny gave him his cabin, away from Will’s place where he’d be reminded daily of what he lost due to his ways. I still don’t like him, but I tolerate him for Benny.
And yes - Benny and I do rhomp around, in both forms. After all, who wants to waste a husband who has a healing tongue?
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20 questions for fic writers
Tagged by @bbcphile 🥰🥰🥰
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
site says 21! (I also have 50+ on ff.net from when I was younger, and uhhh idk how many that I shoved into my dreamwidth/livejournal never to see the light of day again.)
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
619,848
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Currently Mysterious Lotus Casebook! (Although I might sneak something for Love and Redemption or Scum Villain.) I am mostly a writer in the Final Fantasy XIII fandom, although I have spent years in Code Geass and Merlin fandoms. Before that, it was Fullmetal Alchemist, Naruto, Harry Potter, and Star Wars.... loads more.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Leave Me Your Starlight, Code Geass fic Nunnally-centric time-travel fix-it
Five Minutes, FFXIII fluff oneshot featuring Noel and Hope
World Enough and Time, Code Geass AU post-apocalyptic rewrite
First (and Second) Impressions, FFXIII modern babysitting AU Noel/Hope
Lost in a Moment (lost in a song), Mysterious Lotus Casebook post-canon fix-it casefic
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I try to! I'm, um. I'm really bad at it. In that I will attempt to respond to everyone in the first few days, but then I get distracted doing/writing something else and I am so tunnel-visioned that you won't hear from me until a week later and then I feel bad about taking so long to respond. Also I am very, very bad at responding because while I love love love seeing comments, it's just happy reactions and incoherent noises from me. How do I words to translate my appreciation???
6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
...probably everything I wrote as a kid? I have very different ideas on angst nowadays, but I guess while I was writing it... between Gedächtnisse (FMA fic) and Sound of Silence (HP fic), I guess!
Newer stuff might be between The Other (FFXIII fic) and Test Subjects (FFXIII fic).
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I write a lot of fluff pieces nowadays! But overall, probably Something About December (FFXIII fic), since it's a Christmas fic or Family (FFXIII), which was written to give Sazh more support in the third game.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Once, someone pointed out my join date on the website and asked me why I was still writing fanfiction.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I have, but generally don't. Even most of my ships are closer to gen than not. I'm closer to the repulsed spectrum of ace, but I do like attempting to write all sorts of things.
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
Yes! Love them! I've written a good handful-- but the craziest one was when I was... 10? 11? and I wrote Orions'Ka on a notebook and when I typed it up, it was well over 60,000 words. It had absolutely everything I loved back then.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not by a person, no. By website bots, yes.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
I have had... people ask me if they could translate my fics? My answer is always yes, but I don't recall seeing it anywhere.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I had an entire online journal with my best friend back in middle school.
14. What's your all-time favorite ship?
...MXTX ships, maybe? I don't feel particularly strongly about ships most of the time, only about characters, who I will ship around for the fun of it. But for MXTX pairings, that just doesn't feel right. They just belong together.
15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
....my old Harry Potter stuff, I'm sorry. Not a fandom I got back into again.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I've been told it's characterizations! And descriptions.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Everything else. Confidence, I guess. Also energy and interest. And once I overcome those, plot.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
...me, or fics that do that? Because I've seen fics do that, full on paragraphs of dialogue in the original language but descriptions in English, and I don't understand.
But if it's just... an important word, a statement, something the fandom would normally understand kept in its original language because there's just no good translation in English for it, then it absolutely works. Some things don't translate well, and fans usually like learning more about their canons. I personally try to keep things mostly in English nowadays, though, but I slip time to time.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Star Wars. I was in the single digits age, and wrote an introspective ficlet on Luke and Leia's feelings about how the original trilogy's ending, sitting together on Endor to watch it all burn.
20. Favorite fic you've written?
...I don't know if I have one. I either tend to be proud or hate what I've written, depending on the day, my mood, wind speeds, and cats.
Currently I want to say Lost in a Moment, because I finished that recently and I had so many doubts about it so I'm proud I got through it.
Tagging... omg, anyone who still follows me all the way from FFXIII days and writes, or all the way from the Gundam Wing days gosh.
but also @seventhstrife, @rhystheceo, @teekettle, @adriannasharp @tunnelofdusk 🤭 ya'll suffer through my random selection because I know you guys are writerssss
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• headcannon dialogue prompts •
.•…………………..•⊹•…………………..•.
{ please remember none of these are mine, all credit goes to @pompompts @omgjasminesimone @degreeinsimping @finn-writes-stuff @captainsophiestarkwriting @retvenkos }
.*•…………………..•⊹•…………………..•*.
{ 1 } — “oh please, who’s going to stop us?” , “the police”
{ 2 } — “and why would i do this for you?” , “because you love me?” , “not enough- fine!”
{ 3 } — “who let you look so cute today?”
{ 4 } — “this is unfair!” , “i can’t help the fact you’re terrible at mario cart”
{ 5 } — “since we’re dating, does that mean i can hold your hand whenever i want?”
{ 6 } — “i’ve been looking for my hoodie-“ , my hoodie, you mean?”
{ 7 } — “i’ve always wanted to come here with you”
{ 8 } — “this song reminds me of you”
{ 9 } — “oh no! my head! it’s conveniently falling into your shoulder”
{ 10 } — “shut up and kiss me already”
{ 11 } — “you seem like you want ice cream”
{ 12 } — “you love me?” , “i always have”
{ 13 } — “i know it’s not the best but-“ , “i love it”
{ 14 } — “who knocked you up?” , “that would be me. hi, nice to meet you”
{ 15 } — “fine, but i’m only doing this for you”
{ 16 } — “i can’t leave with you crying like this”
{ 17 } — “i’ll protect you, with my life if it’s necessary”
{ 18 } — “…when are you coming home?”
{ 19 } — “are we really just friends?”
{ 20 } — “are you drunk?”
{ 21 } — “you’re bleeding!”
{ 22 } — “ i never told you, but i was falling in love with you”
{ 23 } — “did you just propose to me?” , “i think so, yeah.”
{ 24 } — “i’m gonna strangle you.” , “you can’t even reach my neck”
{ 25 } — “even after all this time, i never stopped loving you”
{ 26 } — “i don’t know what i’d do without you”
{ 27 } — “i’d do anything for you”
{ 28 } — “you deserve someone who values you”
{ 29 } — “look i’m not the brightest tool in the…toolbox”
{ 30 } — “stop telling me weird stuff in the middle of the night!”
{ 31 } — “you love me right ?” , “normally i’d say yes, but right now i’m scared to answer”
{ 32 } — “i have every right to be worried!”
{ 33 } — “i am fully convinced you never graduated kindergarten
{ 34 } — “i like you” , “do better, aim higher”
{ 35 } — “you make me the happiest i’ve ever been”
{ 36 } — “something is clearly bothering you”
{ 37 } — “well fuck. didn’t expect to be announcing my undying love for you this early in the morning”
{ 38 } — “you’re lucky you’re cute”
{ 39 } — “i can’t stop thinking about you”
{ 40 } — “that’s rich coming from someone who tried to kill me three days ago”
{ 41 } — i can’t get up, you’re gonna have to carry me”
{ 42 } — tomorrow we can go back to hating each other
{ 43 } — “we’re gonna be fine “ , “how do you know?”
{ 44 } — “what are you smiling about?”
{ 45 } — “i can almost hear you pouting”
{ 46 } — “i…i cant believe it’s really you…i never thought i’d see you again”
{ 47 } — “do you believe in love at first site? or should i walk by again?”
{ 48 } — “you’re the only one i trust”
{ 49 } — “have you always been this idiotic?”
{ 50 } — “i’ve missed this”
{ 51 } — “stay with me?”
{ 52 } — “i came as soon as i could”
{ 53 } — “you owe me one”
{ 54 } — “you’re safe - that’s all that matters”
{ 55 } — “of course i chose you”
{ 56 } — “i couldn’t sleep”
{ 57 } — “you were the first person i could think of”
{ 58 } — “you’re insane!, “you love me though”
{ 59 } — “you mean the world to me”
{ 60 } — “everything about you is amazing to me”
{ 61 } — “will you remember me?”
{ 62 } — “it’s three am. What are you doing?”
{ 63 } — “i need a place to stay”
{ 64 } — “i don’t care how tough you are. You can’t ignore that”
{ 65 } — “you need to see this!”
{ 66 } — “it’s just a scratch, you worry too much”
{ 67 } — “so, we’re doing this together, right?
{ 68 } — “lets get this over before i change my mind”
{ 69 } — “i don’t like the way that sounds”
{ 70 } — “you’re in love with them”
{ 71 } — “i don’t want to lie to you anymore”
{ 72 } — “you don’t love me anymore, do you?”
{ 73 } — “don’t leave…”
{ 74 } — “i’ll walk you home”
{ 75 } — “keep talking, i want to fall asleep to your voice”
{ 76 } — “i wonder if this will ever get old?” , “i don’t think so”
{ 77 } — “tell me that everything is going to be okay”
{ 78 } — “where were you?” , “i;m doing the best i can-”, “no. you’re not hearing me. Where were you?!”
{ 79 } — “dance with me?”
{ 80 } — “you need to stop doing stupid shit”
{ 81 } — “hey hey hey, stop crying, uhh. Please stop crying!”
{ 82 } — “you have to choose. Me or them”
{ 83 } — “not you again”
{ 84 } — “shhh stop fussing. I’m just braiding your hair”
{ 85 } — “you always know what to say”
{ 86 } — “everything is temporary. This was simply one of those things”
{ 87 } — “i’m not alot of people’s favourite person”
{ 88 } — “star-gazing was a good idea”
{ 89 } — “don’t talk to me someone might think were friends”
{ 90 } — “do you remember when-” , “oh i definitely remember”
{ 91 } — “...you look like you’ve just seen a ghost”
{ 92 } — “you’re gonna have a really hard time topping this apology the next time we fight”
{ 93 } — “i can’t believe i thought you were a good person. congratulations , you’ve proven me wrong
{ 94 } — “how come i always end up calling you when i can’t sleep”
{ 95 } — { you haven’t been yourself lately”
{ 96 } — “you make me want things i can’t have”
{ 97 } — “no one needs to know”
{ 98 } — “i love you more than i love myself”
{ 99 } — “i can’t lose you”
{ 100 } — “i think i’m in love with you and i’m terrified”
.*•…………………..•⊹•…………………..•*.
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sorry just really in my feelings about the end of the year and an anniversary coming up
You go away for a year. A year to see the world and meet new people in new places. Just a year, you tell yourself. A year that ends.
It’s slow to start, alone in a new country. You’re not as good at the language as you’d hoped to be, declensions clumsy on your tongue. You make it work though, in haltering stop-starts, google translate your new best friend. New school, new teachers, new expectations and all the fear that comes with them eventually settle.
You make friends in this new place, the best friends you’ve ever had if you’re being honest with yourself. They take you to art galleries and hole-in-the wall restaurants and give you recommendations for all the best sites to see. You go on road trips together, discover hidden places off the beaten path and so abandoned it feels like you’re the only people to see this view in over 50 years. It’s late nights playing card games in the living room or helping each other with homework. Runs to the kebab stand down the road, always after midnight but before 2 am. Becoming regulars at a local bar together, so familiar that the workers all wave you goodbye on your final visit. It’s laughter at getting caught in the rain unexpectedly and sharing plates of food until you burst. Potluck nights, clubbing until the sun comes up (with a quick stop for fast food on the way home), running to catch the last train into the city.
You find your spaces, places that you return to over and over again. The Nepalese restaurant around the corner, the one where the owner already knows your order before you’ve finished walking through the door. The coffee shop where you befriend the waitress and she becomes like a favourite aunt who tells you to come back to the shop whenever you’re in town (she still follows you on Instagram). The routine of weekly movie hangouts and walking home together with a friend you don’t see often.
It’s a life built and enjoyed with shaking hands that slowly grow steady. Piles of paperwork completed and filed to verify your right to be there. It’s discovering who you are when things get difficult all on your own, and the love of new friends that catches you before you can fall. Its hopes and dreams built on an expiry date and tearful goodbyes at the airport. It’s knowing that you’ll never all be in the same place again, and having to leave anyway.
You go away for a year. A year to see the world and meet new people in new places. Just a year, you tell yourself. A year that ends.
#reflecting on the weird grief of the last six months and feeling maudlin#might delete later#sunnie speaks
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