My depression points to my not knowing how to lose... What is more, the disenchantment that I experience here and now, appears, under scrutiny, to awaken echoes of old traumas, to which I realise I have never been able to resign myself.

My depression points to my not knowing how to lose...

Nevertheless, the power of the events that create my depression is often out of proportion to the disaster that suddenly overwhelms me. What is more, the disenchantment that I experience here and now, cruel as it may be, appears, under scrutiny, to awaken echoes of old traumas, to which I realise I have never been able to resign myself. I can thus discover antecedents to my current breakdown in a loss, death, or grief over someone or something that I once loved. The disappearance of that essential being continues to deprive me of what is most worthwhile in me; I live it as a wound or deprivation, discovering just the same that my grief is but the deferment of the hatred or desire for ascendency that I nurture with respect to the one who betrayed or abandoned me. My depression points to my not knowing how to lose – I have perhaps been unable to find a valid compensation for the loss? It follows that any loss entails the loss of my being – and of Being itself. The depressed person is a radical, sullen atheist.

Julia Kristeva - Black Sun: Depression and Melancholia. Columbia University Press; Reprint edition (1989).

Losing my mind at seeing Twitter Discourse where a girl talks about being a waitress and how sometimes people don't acknowledge her or reply to her at all when she speaks to them and how it feels dehumanising and all the people in the replies are like UM. SOME OF US HAVE /SOCIAL ANXIETY/ You're literally an evil person for wishing people would treat you with bare minimum decency :/ like idk how to tell you this but if a waitress asks how your evening is while she's taking you to your seat in a restaurant and you're gonna pretend saying "Fine, thank you" is a horrific arduous task like. Maybe you're just a massive cunt? Maybe you're just an insufferable fuckwit?

Seeing things that remind you of the past and boost your anxiety at a random moment is so exhausting… but maybe one day that feeling will fade and I‘ll feel fine about it!

twishy kiss!!!!

The absolutely overwhelming stress of driving somewhere you've never been before.

If you're cold, he's cold. Put him in your pocket

I can relate to this

POV u throw a pokeball and this comes out 🤠

The materiality of the unconscious is made, not of learning, but of things said to the subject, that have hurt him, and of things, impossible to say, that make him suffer…Unconscious memory parasites the living [being] and alters its potency.

The materiality of the unconscious is made, not of learning, but of things said to the subject, that have hurt him, and of things, impossible to say, that make him suffer.

As soon as man speaks, he is submitted to the question of his truth and his most intimate identifications come to respond to the paradoxes of his link to what he says and to what has been said to him. The materiality of the unconscious is made, not of learning, but of things said to the subject, that have hurt him, and of things, impossible to say, that make him suffer. The opposition between the principles of the nervous system’s functioning, arising directly from the laws of biology and physics, and the register of another causality for founding psychology, is thus posed. Unconscious memory parasites the living [being] and alters its potency.

Éric Laurent. Uses Of The Neurosciences For Psychoanalysis. La Cause Freudienne no. 70, December 2008.

why are you and your drawings so cool 😭🙏

afdsasdfasg thank you !! irl ppl would laugh at me being called cool lol - Have a ghoap as thanks <33

growing up with a perpetually anxious primary caregiver is such a mindfuck. that shit will rewire your nervous system

Sketches for a fic I wrote. Domestic SoapGhost and Uncle Ghost with Joseph. 👀

just. ugh. youll say “i am experiencing something that is a literal textbook symptom of the disorder i have” and nts will tell you youre making it up and its obviously not a real thing

to the poor (or otherwise financially unwell) person reading this, please don't beat yourself up about how you spend your money. especially if you're disabled or come from a not-well-off family.

it's not wrong to buy fast food if it means you eat. it's not wrong to make indulgent purchases if it means you're happy. it's not wrong to get things to make your life easier. it's not wrong to buy something to comfort you. it's not wrong to get new clothes, especially if what you have is old or doesnt fit well. etc. etc.

you're doing the best you can under an oppressive system (ie. capitalism). and odds are reducing your spending won't make you financially stable (which sucks but still). life is hard enough. don't make it harder by beating yourself up over something that ultimately is not your fault. it is not your fault.

day 147

psychically induced chronic illness squad