the funniest thing that’s happened to me recently is that someone seemingly tried to update my pronouns on the medical system but accidentally made it so that my actual name is now “They Them”

Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurted my feelings

I just wanna die

I'm not like actively suicidal I just. Don't. Wanna. Be. Alive. I'm so tired and I wish I wouldn't exist. Sometimes I wish to have a terrible accident so I could die without people being angry at me and be finally dead (because I'm a coward to do it myself)

I just want some fucking peace. I wanna stop feeling

Why it's so hard to understand that I handle feelings differently, I experience them more strongly. And sometimes I can't tell you exactly what's wrong because I don't know either

What its like having quiet bpd:

It’s weird to get older and have relationships with your toxic parents change into something where they like forget about how they treated you as a child. I pretend like everything is normal and to some degree I believe it now a days but once those symptoms start acting up and your reminded huh yeah childhood f*cked me up

I wanna burn down every single bridge I built cause I’m tired of being the only person that makes sure it doesn’t fall apart

when you're having a hard time and trying to reach out for support and suddenly you're a child again hearing "i'll give you something to cry about"

when will i ever just be loved, to be loved. because someone wants to love me. because someone cares about me and wants to care. i’m so sick of feeling like a burden and a chore. i just want to be loved, i try to be worthy of it so fucking badly.

Oof

I can literally feel the emotional disregulation pumping through my veins

can we skip to the part where i’m healed and nothing bad ever happens to me again