#and when that day comes I will not apologise for my actions nor for who i become
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Lose Control (Aegon x Niece!Reader)
Summary: Aegon knew it would never work. But did he care? Of course not. You were one of few members of his family who didn't look at him like he was a failure. Was it love? He didn't know. But he never felt whole without you.
(Based on Lose Control by Teddy Swims)
TW: She/Her pronouns, canon-typical incest (uncle x niece), afab reader, alcohol consumption, alcoholism, oral (f receiving), fingering, semi-public, innuendo, profanity.
Words: 2,985
kēlītsos = little cat, kitten
I apologise now, but this isn't a 'happy' ending.
Something's got a hold of me lately. No, I don't know myself anymore.
You were off limits, Aegon knew that. The fact had been drilled into him by his mother time after time. His niece, the only one who looked at him with some modicum of love or affection. He didn’t know if you felt the same, but he could pretend every time you would smile at him, or your hands would linger against his just a moment longer than needed.
But how could he not want you? You were beautiful. He didn’t care about the rumours that surrounded your parentage. Those dark curls, eyes so brown they could be mistaken for black. All the things that people used to paint you a bastard, he found to be the most beautiful things in the world.
His thoughts were consumed by you, even when you weren’t around. Everything reminded him of you. The more he thought of you, the more he remembered he couldn’t have you and the further he sank into his cups.
The day you left for Dragonstone with your mother had broken him beyond belief. Wine and whores barely fill the void you left behind.
Feels like the walls are all closin' in. And the devil's knockin' at my door, whoa… Out of my mind, how many times. Did I tell you I'm no good at bein' alone?
Aegon stumbled back into his chambers. The third night this week that he’d spent drowning his sorrows in some dingy tavern. Word had come that your mother was returning to King’s Landing with you and your brothers. The petitions for the seat at Driftmark were to be heard, and your brother Lucerys’ claim was being questioned.
Aegon would see you again, and it terrified him.
He was embarrassed of the kind of man he’d become in your absence. A drunk, chasing whatever skirt he could. Fear set in, knowing you’d see him like this.
The morning of your return had come, but Aegon couldn’t bring himself to leave his bed. He was a mess in so many ways. The scent of wine still lingered on his breath and skin from the night before. Sun streamed in through his window, and he quickly sunk back under his sheets.
But his peace was short lived, the door to his chambers slamming open and the harsh words of his mother filling the room. Aegon groaned, it wouldn’t be the first nor the last time his mother would ever berate him this way. But he was in no mood for it.
The sound of her admonishments faded to muffled noise as Aegon tried to rub the sleep from his features. But his actions seemed to only antagonise her more. Heavy limbs rolled from his bed, gripping the sheet around his body as he stood.
His mother’s tirade stopped at his movement, her words faltering.
“I will not apologise, for it falls on deaf ears. Now if you don’t mind, I fear I require a bath.”
Aegon grumbled, wanting nothing more than to escape Alicent’s harsh words.
He ignored anything else that came from her lips, walking away and towards his thankfully, already filled bath.
I lose control. When you're not next to me (when you're not here with me). I'm fallin' apart right in front of you, can't you see?
You didn’t want to be here. None of your memories of the Red Keep were particularly fond. Well, save for a few. The times spent with your uncle, Aegon, would always bring a smile to your face when you thought of them. When he would sneak to your chambers, cakes in hand, demanding you come to the gardens with him. Why?
Because he missed you.
Back then, you thought little of it, simply thinking your uncle was being kind, as an uncle should be. But when you think of those moments now? Heat filled your belly and a blush bloomed on your cheeks. The evenings spent curled up next to him beneath a tree in the royal gardens, lips sticky from the cakes he always brought, his arms wrapped tight around you and your head on his chest. Those moments had seemed so innocent then.
The reactions of your mother told you now, that they were not. The way your mother had demanded you stop sneaking out in the evenings with him – how spending time alone with any boy in such a way was unbecoming.
But Aegon was the only one who didn’t tease you about your dark hair and eyes – you knew the rumours well enough. Instead, he told you how pretty you were. Comparing your eyes to embers and your hair to the finest chocolate.
Now, you stood at Jace’s side, listening to your mother talk to some lord or another.
“I’m surprised you haven’t tried to sneak off to find Aegon.” Jace whispered, only earning an eye roll from you. Your brother was one of few aware of just how much time you had once spent with Aegon.
Luckily for you, he’d never told your mother. As far as Rhaenyra was concerned, the moment she’d forbade you from spending time with your uncle, you had stopped. Instead, you had simply hidden your meetings better. Swearing your brother to secrecy when he caught you one night.
You ignored Jace’s comment because no answer you gave would keep that smirk off his face. Finally, after what seemed like the longest time, your mother turned and gave you and your brothers permission to spend some time to yourselves before the petitions. You didn’t miss the sideways glance Jace gave you as you hurried away.
I lose control. When you're not next to me, mm-hm. Yeah, you're breakin' my heart, baby. You make a mess of me.
He was washed, dressed, the alcohol feeling like it was seeping out of his skin as he wandered through the corridors. He had no destination in mind, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into his bed. But he also had no desire to listen to another of his mother’s verbal lashings against him . And even more so, he was terrified of seeing you.
Would you hate him as he is now? Would you be embarrassed of him?
Aegon was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the footsteps coming towards him, his eyes trained solely on the stone floor before him. So, when he collided with the soft form of another person, he was knocked near off balance. As he scrambled to stay upright, he was greeted with a very familiar head of deep brown waves.
“Uncle?”
Your voice. A voice he had imagined hearing time and time again for the past six years. But when you said his name, he finally met your gaze. The faintest of smiles finding his lips, while his eyes remained just a little glazed from the wine he’d already consumed.
You were here. You were here and you were as beautiful as ever. The deep red of your gown makes those warm curls even deeper in colour. It was only when he felt your hand on his arm that he realised he hadn’t spoken a word.
“Do I render you speechless still?” you smiled; your hand rested on his forearm.
“Always, kēlītsos.” He smiled, watching you blush at the name.
Kitten, so called for the way you always used to curl up next to him, safe under his arm. A sweet name that now had your cheeks hot. It was the way he said it, voice lower than you remembered. But you could smell the faint scent of wine on his breath, and you now realised that the stories of his love of alcohol were true.
Six years had changed you both in more ways than one.
Problematic. Problem is I want your body like a fiend, like a bad habit. Bad habits hard to break when I'm with you.
Aegon hadn’t paid attention to a single word spoken during the petitions. He could care less about who inherited Driftmark. His eyes never left you. He didn’t care who saw him staring. He didn’t care if you saw him staring. Seeing you again had awoken every feeling for you he’d once had. And then some.
He’d ignored his mother when she demanded he leave the wine alone. He couldn’t handle court sober, never mind having to stay away from you. Now, the room swayed just a little, but the fog on his brain was a welcome distraction from you.
The petitions had gone as well as expected – if seeing Lord Vaemond beheaded was expected. The whole family was on edge, but Aegon was comfortably in a wine induced calm.
So, when you walked in, arms linked with Jace, he had little control of the expression on his face. Disgust at the sight of you so close to your brother, a closeness that had once been reserved for only him. He filled his cup again, no amount of wine in the world would likely make him feel better now.
You sat in the only available seat, between Jace and Aegon. You tried to catch your uncle’s gaze, but he seemed to be looking anywhere but at you and it made you feel ever so slightly hurt. Had you done something to upset him?
Problematic. Problem is when I'm with you, I'm an addict.
The supper ended swiftly the moment your brother hit Aemond, provoked of course. The two princes had never been close. You stood with your mother; fists clenched as you watched Aegon pin Luke to the table. There was no love lost between the uncles and nephews, but seeing Aegon treat Luke that way infuriated you.
You stormed from the hall, ignoring the shout of your mother. It was only then that Aegon released Luke, shoving the boy away and drunkenly hurrying after you.
He’d fucked up and he knew it.
He could hear the clack of your boots on the stones, and he knew where you’d be going. The gardens. Your haven, one you once shared with him.
“I don’t appreciate being followed, uncle.” you called out, stopping just short of the entrance to the garden.
Aegon was quick to stop behind you, the wine making him unsteady. But he wasn’t going to miss this chance to have you alone.
“You are drunk, Aegon.”
The accusation, while true, hurt coming from you. Embarrassment flooded him as he tried to find an excuse. But the words went silent on his tongue. He was drunk, yes, but not as drunk as you seemed to think he was.
“It is a common occurrence for you now, I hear. Wine and whores?” Your voice wasn’t as angry as he expected, but having you know such things about him made him sick.
“Nothing more than distractions for a life that is quite tedious.” Aegon replied, doing his best to hold your gaze, blue meeting brown for the first time truly in six years.
“And what makes your life so tedious, I am sure there are many who would revel in the life of a prince.” You answered, turning to continue your walk to the garden, knowing he would follow.
And follow he did, wanting nothing more now than to be in your presence. A presence he’d missed. A presence he’d craved for six years. Even if you seemed frustrated.
“You know exactly what…” he snapped back, the wine loosening his tongue just a little. There was a chance this would be the last time he’d see you, knowing the state of the family, and he wasn’t going to waste a moment.
“Six years without you, kēlītsos, has been a very long time.”
You stiffened at that. Was he blaming his problems on you? You stopped dead, turning on your heel to face him, watching as he stumbled when he stopped short of colliding with you.
“And you think it has been easy on me?” Your words came out quieter than you thought, your anger failing as you saw the sadness in his eyes, eyes that had once seemed so bright now seemed sallow and hollow.
“I did not want to leave. My home is here, with you.”
Aegon froze, chewing on the skin of his lip. Any anger he’d felt slipped away almost instantly. You hadn’t wanted to go. Those words sparked the smallest ember of hope in him. Maybe, just maybe, you felt as he did.
“I have spent every moment of those six years missing you.”
He heard nothing else, the wine in his belly fuelling his emotions beyond his control. His rough hands finding your cheeks, pulling you to him as he kissed you. The kiss was messy but reciprocated. Mere seconds passed before you curled a hand into the fabric of his shirt and pulled him tight against you. A kiss filled with years of love, passion… and lust. Aegon’s hands moved from your cheeks to your waist, pressing his body against yours as he backed you towards a nearby wall. Thankfully the gardens were quiet in the evenings.
You only pulled away to catch your breath, remembering quickly that Aegon had been drinking. As had you, but Aegon had consumed far more than you had.
“You are drunk, Aegon…”
“Not so much that I am unable to think clearly.” He replied, wanting nothing more than to kiss you again.
His hands played with the fabric of your gown, keeping your body pinned between his and the wall. He couldn’t let you go, not now. Not without knowing if you felt as he had all this time.
“Tell me you don’t want this, and I will go.” He whispered, his forehead now resting against yours.
You wanted to tell him you didn’t because it would be easier down the line. Easier to lie and break his heart now than be truthful and have to leave him again. But you did. By the gods, you did. While you’d loved him for longer than you could remember, love was not on your mind at this moment.
“I want this…I want you. I always have.” Your breath fanned across his lips as you spoke, body inching closer on instinct.
Aegon closed the distance, his kiss gentle though his hands now gripped your waist hard. The red fabric now fisted tight in his hands as he slipped his thigh between your own. Your body responded naturally, heat flooding you as his lips slid down to your jaw then your neck. He knew he couldn’t go so far as to take your virtue, but he needed something.
And I need some relief, my skin in your teeth. Can't see the forest through the trees. Got me down on my knees, darlin' please, oh…
Your breath hitched as he bunched your gown in his hands, fingers pressed against the fabric of your small clothes. A touch you’d only dreamt about. Wondering what it would feel like to have him touch you so intimately.
The reality had your mouth dry and your flesh searing. Hips canting to meet the deft movements of his fingers. His face buried in your neck as you sighed out in pleasure. You shouldn’t be doing this, and you knew it. All you could focus on was pleasure, not right and wrong. Your own hand soon found the hard length in the front of his breeches, palming him slowly.
Aegon wanted nothing more than to feel you. To commit those soft sounds to memory. To feel your skin on his.
“Aegon…” you breathed, your hands finding the mess of silver waves atop his head.
His name had never sounded so perfect, and he wanted to hear it again. His hands kept a grip on your waist as he dropped to his knees before you, ignoring the confused glance you shot down to him. You soon had your answer when his nose brushed against the fabric of your small clothes, his hand gripping your thigh as he lifted it over his shoulder.
“What are you-“ your words fell silent as he mouthed at you through your undergarments, his name a moan falling from your lips.
Your hand found his hair again, wanting nothing more than for him to keep going. And when his fingers tugged the fabric aside, bearing your flesh to him, all sense was lost.
“So delicious, my sweet girl,” he cooed, licking a hot stripe between your folds.
No man had ever touched you this way, and you wanted no other man but Aegon to touch you this way again. A dream, of course, but one you wanted so desperately. And he lapped at you like a man starved, groaning against your skin at the taste of you, the sound enough to have pleasure shooting up your spine.
And soon the knot in your belly snapped, hands tightening in his hair as you panted his name. Aegon only stopped his ministrations when you pushed him away. With a final kiss to your inner thigh, he stood.
“You are mine, kēlītsos, and you always have been.”
I lose control. When you're not next to me (when you're not here with me). I'm fallin' apart right in front of you, can't you see?
Morning had come. You didn’t remember returning to Aegon’s chambers but that was where you woke. Wrapped in his arms and feeling safer than ever. It would not last. It never did. Shouts from outside the door told you that. And the door crashing open, revealing the furious face of your mother made it crystal clear to Aegon.
You were off limits. He knew that. He’d hoped it would change. But when morning came, the harsh words directed at you by your mother told you it never would. And his dreams become nightmares as you leave him again.
I lose control. When you're not next to me, mm-hm. Yeah, you're breakin' my heart, baby. You make a mess of me.
#aegon ii targaryen#aegon x reader#aegon the second#aegon targaryen x reader#reader insert#aegon ii x reader#aegon ii fic
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7 WEEKS AND 3 DAYS. 𝜗𝜚
(´∀｀*)ε｀ ) ౨ৎ N–sfw content !! ; Dom!Scaramouche + Sub!FReader ➜ cws: angsty, toxic relationship, asshole scara, abuse, one sided love(?), kitchen sex, getting ghosted, unprotected sex, raw sex, manipulation, reader gets pregnant. ᡴꪫ
꒰ † ੭ — I do not condone these actions irl, this mostly shows how the reader is in a toxic relationship but can't get out of it. Also this is my first time done this type of a lyric fanfic!!
Scaramouche, who wouldn't know him? He was a popular guy. Though he wasn't a nice guy, a delinquent. Had the worst friend group, and slept around a lot. Any girl would die to have a night with him. So what happens when he starts hanging around you? You brushed it off thinking he just wanted to have a good fuck with you. All your friends had warned you about him, how bad he was. You mostly ignored him. Detentions and parent calls, very normal for him, not like his parents cared. Doing drugs, partying, and bullying sometimes.
All my friends say "fuck you".
But could you ignore his sweet words? holding your hand as you two watched the stars. How could you ignore his promises as he kisses the back of your hand, you of course fell in love with him. Hands on your waist as you sat on his lap, your arms wrapped around his neck. The kiss was passionate, not like some low effort kiss. Oh, how much you loved this man. That night you confessed to him, his face brightening up as he landed more kisses to your face. Laughing in his arms till your stomach hurt.
But I can't help but love you.
You let him into your house, even gave him a spare key. Went on dates, you forgot what everyone said about him. This is true love, he was nothing like the rumours. Daily texts and phone calls, missing each other even though you two meet daily. He even opened up to you, about his family. But once you both slept together, things started to change. You felt like he was spending less time with you. You thought it was because of how busy he was, you'd always stay awake at night, waiting for him to come back. You were so worried. He'd see your texts very late, whenever you asked to go out with him, he'd always make an excuse.
And even though you ran me out dry.
When he'd come home drunk, he'd sometimes hurt you, calling you a possessive bitch for questioning him so much. But would still apologise to you with tears in his eyes, promising he wouldn't do it again, cradling you like some child who's scared. You'd forgive him at the end, maybe he just had a bad day or was in a bad mood, it's alright, everyone has those types of days. It'd still happen, everytime. He got jealous very easily too, and wouldn't let you talk to other guys. Maybe now you're seeing his true colours, but he cherishes you so much, right?
"Fuck, Y/N, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I swear this won't happen again, don't be scared okay? please."
I still think you're a decent guy, Why?
Hands wrapping around your waist as he leaves trails of kisses on your skin. Bending you over the kitchen counter, “Forget the food, sweetheart. Let me make it up to you.” His cock thrusting into your cunt, it hurt, but you stayed quiet. He was never gentle with you, always leaving bruises. He shoots his load in your cunt, making you all warm and dumb.
On the rare days that he visited you, it would always lead to sex. You wonder if he sees you as nothing but an object. Silly thoughts, he's just showing you his love.
I should've caught him by his last name
You were pregnant, what a happy news. Maybe this will fix your relationship? You hoped so, desperately wanted him to look at you with the same eyes he once used to. Scaramouche never replied to you nor picked up your calls. Had he ghosted you? no this wasn't supposed to happen, he's just busy, right?
Tears fell from your eyes as you waited for your husband to come back, which he never did. Ah, what a dumb fucker you are, of course this was all a game. He didn't want to love a single person, he just wanted to have relief. What a shame your kid would never be able to see his father. Would he look just like scaramouche? You dreaded the thought.
You still believed that scaramouche loved you, at least you did, every moment.
It's been seven weeks and three days.
#dom character#sub reader#genshin smut#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact smut#genshin x reader#genshin x female reader#genshin x y/n#genshin x you#dom scaramouche#scaramouche smut#scara smut#scaramouche x y/n#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche x you#scara x y/n#scara x reader#scara x you#𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐄'𝐒 :: 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 (ᵔ◡ᵔ)#genshin angst#genshin impact angst#scara angst#scaramouche angst
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You owe me (pt. 2) ☆
Mafia!Jungkook x psychologist!reader x mafia!Taehyung (slightly)
Summary: His efforts seem pointless. But when it comes to jealousy, anger and you, he just can’t help himself. And neither can you.
Warnings: yandere!Jungkook, dubcon, stalking?, breaking and entering, mention of murder, mention of other types of crimes, angst, weapons (a knife), cursing, male m, descriptive smut, angst
Wc: 7.4k
A/n: Thank you guys so much for all the feedback on this fic. Since so many wanted a part 2 I made a part 2! Hope you like it!
Disclaimer: This is 100% fiction. I am in no way saying that this is how any member of bts would act. Nor do I condone the actions detailed in the story. This is purely for entertainment purposes only. If any of the warnings trigger you, or you’re under 18 ¡do not read! I’m not your mother, and I don’t take any accountability for what you decide to read online!
Parts: | 1 | 2 |
Your back felt a sudden relief as you finally laid down in bed. It had been a long day. A very long day. A new patient took up almost all you time. Taehyung Kim. He was being charged with robbery and murder, and his lawyer had hired you to potentially give him a diagnosis that could help him in court.
You had to assign some of your other patients to a few of your coworkers, just to make time for him. But this is what you love doing. You wanted to help. Especially now, after what you learned about your entire career. You wanted to prove yourself. You knew you were good.
You turned off you lights and put your phone on the nightstand. Finally you were in the comfort of your own bed. Ready to fall asleep and dream the night away. Trying not to think about how early you had to wake up tomorrow. You had finally found a comfortable sleeping position after squirming around a bit. You felt all your muscles relax, starting to recognise the slow fade of sleep.
But suddenly a loud noice filled the room. Your body tensed again, jumping at the sudden sound. You rolled your eyes as you turned around, annoyed at yourself that you forgot to turn on ‘do not disturb’. Your phone screen lit up in your face, you squinted at the bright light hitting your eyes. You managed to decipher a message from an unknown number. You didn’t open it, writing a mental note to check it out tomorrow. If it was one of your patients they would have to wait until the morning. It was almost unprofessional to answer a text at 1 am.
You entered the doors to your workplace, expecting to see Erin behind the counter smiling at you.
“Good morning, Erin.”
You said like you always do. You halted once you saw her sitting there, not smiling, not saying anything. She just looked at you with a concerning look. Before you could ask her what’s wrong you looked over at the waiting chairs. You had seen a person in your peripheral view, something that was odd considering the office wasn’t even open to patients yet. You quickly understood what was going on once you saw who was sitting there.
“Good morning, Doctor.”
His familiar voice filled the dead quiet room. It had almost been a year since you last saw him. He had not contacted you after the incident in your office. You had almost, almost, forgotten him. But there he was, looking the exact same as you remembered him.
“Mr. Jeon.”
You stated. Not really knowing what to say. You were caught off guard by the whole situation. Some naive part of you thought that he had gotten what he wanted and would leave you alone. Forever.
“I thought you had stopped calling me that. Aren’t we more intimate at this point?”
You sighed at his question. Looking over at Erin for a second to see if she understood what he meant.
“He said he wanted to see you. I told him we wer-“
“It’s fine Erin, Mr. Jeon can be quite persuasive.”
You interrupted her as she started to apologise for letting him in. You looked back to him. His classic smirk was plastered on his face.
“I have an hour before my first patient arrives.”
You said and looked quickly at your wristwatch, before starting to walk down the hall towards your office. You heard his footsteps following behind you.
Once inside your office you took off your jacket and hung it up before sitting down behind your desk. He was quick to sit down on the sofa. A sense of deja vu washed over you.
“Why are you here, Jungkook?”
He looked confused by your question.
“You didn’t see my messages? Or my voicemails?”
It was your turn to look confused, as you couldn’t remember getting any texts or calls from him.
“Maybe you were asleep, I don’t know.”
He shrugged. You remembered the message from last night. The one you didn’t bother to read. You picked your phone up from your bag, turning off ‘do not disturb’. Hundreds of notifications from the same number appeared on your lock screen.
“You were the one that messaged me last night?”
You asked as you opened your phone.
“So you did read them?”
He asked in excitement. You shook your head at his question, too focused on your phone. You opened iMessage and hit the top notification. A series of long paragraphs of text appeared.
“I didn’t think it was you.”
You mumbled as you scrolled upwards trying to get to the start of what he had sent you.
“Listen, I’ll just tell you. It feels weird to watch you read something I poured my heart into.”
You looked up at him, before you put the phone down on your desk. Crossing your arms over your chest.
“Be quick.”
He thought for a second about where to start and what the most important things to tell you were.
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m ready now.”
The room went quiet as you waited for him to continue. He didn’t.
“What are you talking about?”
You asked confused.
“That’s the brief version of it. You told me to be quick.”
You rolled your eyes at him.
“I think I need a little more than that.”
He smiled at you like a child telling a joke for the first time. He leaned slightly forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“I’ve seen another psychologist. He’s helped me a lot. I’m doing well, I’m not some self absorbed dick, I’m not so angry anymore. And I’ve gotten to know your father as well. I’ve done my end of the promise, now it’s your turn, y/n.”
He got serious at the last sentence. Shifting his eyes from the innocent doe, to the man you remembered from your last meeting.
“You went to my father?”
You asked in shock, not caring for whatever he said after that.
“Yeah. Might as well get to know my future father-in-law a little better while I fulfilled my promise.”
You let your head fall down to your hands, and let out a long sigh. Visibly showing him that you were upset.
“I’m happy you’re doing better, I really am. But I did not promise you anything. Definitely not to marry you.”
His eyes changed again. You could tell he was upset.
“Don’t you think you owe me that?”
He asked slyly, cocking his head slightly to the side. You shook your head.
“You can’t hold that over my head forever. It’s not fair!”
You answered strictly.
“I’m not holding it over your head, baby. I’m asking you.”
“Well, then my answer is no. I don’t owe you shit. Now get out of my office.”
You answered quickly. Wanting him to leave so you didn’t get too upset, and started making bad decisions again.
“We don’t have to get married right away, or not at all if you just want to be my girlfriend.”
He offered. You suddenly stood up from your chair, pointing angrily towards the door.
“Out.”
You said.
“I don’t care if I owe you. I don’t care if you’ve gotten better. You’re still a mobster, you’re still a murderer and you’re still a sociopath. I could never date you. I could never even be friends with you. Don’t you understand?”
You ranted when he didn’t leave the sofa. He shook his head and kept his eyes on the floor.
“It’s him isn’t it?”
He asked, still not looking up at you. He was frightening like that. You felt the same fear, you felt the first time he talked to you like that. He was showing his true colours.
“Who?”
You asked carefully as you sat back down again. He looked up at you with anger and jealousy in his eyes.
“Your new patient. The jailbird, you spend a lot of time with him.”
You rolled your eyes.
“Yes, and? He’s nothing but my patient.”
“Are you sure? I’ve seen him on the news, he’s quite attractive. Just your type.”
You scoffed and gave him an offended look.
“Yes I’m sure. Who are you to accuse me of having an affair with a patient?”
“Because you had one with me.”
You sighed.
“We did not have an affair.”
You stated, not daring to look him in the eyes.
“Then what do you call it?”
The room got quiet. To be honest you never thought about what you would call it. You didn’t want to think about it at all. It went against everything you stood for.
“Please, just leave.”
You said, you felt your eyes getting watery for some reason. Maybe it was because you were scared, or surprised. Or maybe even sad to see him again.
“I can tell you’re upset. We still need to work things out. Can we talk sometime? Not here, somewhere not so formal.”
You looked up at him again. His eyes were soft, he seemed to really care that you were affected negatively by this. For some reason you found it endearing.
“You can come to my place, we can talk and-“
“There’s no way I’m voluntarily going to your place.”
You interrupted him. He looked down in defeat for a few seconds.
“Please, y/n. I just want to show you that I’m better. I want to show you all I’ve done for you. I don’t want to argue with you.”
He said softly. His eyes were also teary now. You hated yourself for getting affected by his feelings. You hated that you thought this was a tender moment.
“Do you promise that we’ll only be talking?”
You asked. Not knowing why you were agreeing to this in the first place. Maybe you were naive, but it seemed that he actually had changed. Even if he still was delusional and obsessive.
“Of course, I would never do anything to harm you. I love you.”
He said, slightly excited. The room got quiet once again. You had silently agreed to meet him at his place.
“I’ll send you the address. I’ll see you on Thursday.”
He said, before getting up and walking out the door.
“Wait-“
You tried to say, but he was already gone. You wouldn’t be able to make it on Thursday.
You sat down at the table, waiting for the guards to bring in Mr. Kim. This week had been stressful. Not only because of your case with Mr. Kim, but also because of all your other patients. It was hard having time for them while handling such a big case as his. You had to work overtime the entire week, and you were exhausted.
“Good afternoon, y/n.”
He said as two guards brought him in. He had learned your first name quickly, and refused to use your title or last name.
“Hello, Mr. Kim. How are you?”
He smiled, and waited to answer until the guards had chained his legs to the table and left the room. You never felt unsafe being alone with him, even if he was a convicted murderer. His hands were always handcuffed, the same with his legs, so he couldn’t reach you. You knew the guards watched you from outside the big tinted glass. It allowed you to lower your guard, and treat him like you treat your other patients.
“I’m doing amazing now that you’re here.”
He said and smirked. Like Jungkook said, he was attractive. His hair was always combed back, and the all grey clothing actually suited him. He had some kind of lightning tattoo that went up his neck, due to his clothing you didn’t know if he had any more of them.
“How are you, sweetheart?”
He asked back. Still keeping intense eye contact with you.
“We did talk about not calling me anything but my name, do you remember that?”
You asked him strictly. He chuckled.
“It’s hard not to call you something you are, don’t you like compliments?”
You started taking off your coat. It was cold when you entered, but with two people in the little room it was too warm to keep your wool coat on.
“We’re not here to talk about me. I’ve given you permission to use my first name, that’s all.”
You said as you draped the coat over your chair. You looked back at him, he wasn’t looking you in your eyes anymore. This time his eyes were focused on your exposed cleavage. You hadn’t worn low cut tops with him yet, only oversized jumpers due to the weather. You suddenly became very aware of yourself and pulled your top up, trying to hide more of your cleavage. His eyes went back to your face, and you decided that you would wear something less revealing next time.
“Whatever you say, y/n.”
He put extra pressure on your name this time. You gave him a small smile, before you looked down at your notes.
“Why don’t we start were we ended things? Do you remember what I told you I wanted us to talk about?”
He sighed, but nodded.
“My teenage years?”
He asked. You nodded back at him.
“I was a good teenager, I didn’t do drugs, I came home before my curfew, did well in school.”
He memorised.
“But I did like girls. I really did. It was my weakness.”
He said, quickly flickering his eyes down to your cleavage again.
“Why do you say it was your weakness?”
You asked, writing it down in your notes. He started smirking again.
“Since I was such a good teenager, I stayed home a lot. After I did my homework or studied for tests I didn’t have anything to do. Until I found porn.”
He let out a groan, almost like he was in pleasure just by the thought.
“I would spend all day just jerking off to random girls online. Whenever I saw a pretty girl outside I would go straight home and jerk off to her too.”
You felt yourself getting a bit uncomfortable at his bluntness, but didn’t say anything to let him continue. You focused on your notes instead.
“It would take up my entire day, I felt crazy at times. And now that I don’t have anything to do, I find myself doing the same in my cell.”
You nodded, still looking down at your notes. Not wanting to look at him while he talked about something so intimate.
“But the only one I can think about is you.”
He said almost as if he was out of breath. You finally looked at him. And saw that one of his hands had slid under the waistband of his trousers.
“Come over here and sit on me, baby.”
He moaned. You didn’t know what to do or say, you froze. The door opened and two guards came in.
“No- please! Y/n! Please fuck me! I need you. I fucking need you so bad!”
He yelled as he was practically carried out of the room. You sat there speechless, in the now empty room.
“I think it’s best for him to have a male psychologist, I can no longer treat him.”
You called Mr. Kim’s lawyer the minute you sat down in your car. You told him what had happened.
“I’m sorry this happened to you.”
He said back.
“I’ll send all my notes to the man you’ll appoint.”
“Thank you for your help, Dr. Y/l/n.”
You said a small goodbye, before you hung up. While you were driving home you started to think about what happened today. You felt useless and it felt unfair. Why did you have to end up in all kinds of mess. First it was Jungkook, and now Mr. Kim.
Jungkook. You had completely forgot that you were supposed to meet him today. You sighed. Meeting him was the last thing you wanted to do. Maybe it was better to just say you forgot if he contacts you again. Since your session ended earlier than expected, you would actually have time to eat a proper meal and go to bed at a reasonable time. And with Mr. Kim’s case being transferred to someone else, you could finally use all your time on your normal patients. Even if the day had been horrible, you still had a massive weight lifted off your shoulders.
You walked up to your door, struggling with your keys to find the right one. Once you found it you put it in the keyhole and twisted, hearing the familiar click. You reached for the door handle and attempted to open it. But it didn’t budge. Did you not lock your door this morning? You twisted the key the other way again, and thought that it must be the exhaustion taking a toll on you.
When you finally were inside your own house you took off your coat and hung it up with your bag. You took off your shoes and looked at yourself in the big mirror you have in your hallway. You looked down at the white low cut top. It wasn’t even that low, but a part of your cleavage did show. In what felt like a fit of rage you took it off yourself. Hurriedly lifting it over your head and throwing it on the floor. You never wanted to wear that top again. You stormed over to the kitchen. You needed something to drink, you were so thirsty. So thirsty that you failed to notice the man sitting in your sofa. You swung the fridge door open, grabbing a carton of orange juice and downing what was left of it.
“Rough day?”
A voice emitted. You jumped and your heart started raising. You looked over at the sofa where the voice came from. Jungkook? Jungkook. You quickly ducked down behind the counter, remembering that you were only in your bra.
“What the fuck are you doing in my house?!”
You yelled at him. You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream, you were so confused. What was going on?
“Y/n, calm down! Please.”
You heard him get up from the sofa, taking hasty steps towards you. Your fight or flight instinct kicked in and you suddenly jumped up again and grabbed a knife. Pointing it towards him. He quickly halted, putting his hands slightly up in front of him.
“Come on, it’s just me.”
He said, leaning his head to the side.
“Exactly!”
You said, slowly moving away from him.
“Why are you here? How did you get in?”
You yelled at him, firmly holding the knife between the two of you.
“Baby, please calm down.”
“How can I calm down?! You broke into my house!”
He sighed, and went quiet for a moment.
“Put the knife down, you know I won’t do anything to you. Please, let’s just talk. That’s why I’m here.”
He said in a calm voice. You shook your head, you felt like you were going to have a panic attack. This was all too much for you. You threw the knife onto the kitchen counter and covered your eyes. You started crying. You were so overwhelmed. From the situation earlier today, to Jungkook suddenly appearing in your life again, to just the pure exhaustion. You needed to cry. You couldn’t hold it back anymore. You couldn’t put up the facade you usually do. And suddenly you felt two arms wrapping around you. He hugged you. And for a moment you leaned into it. You felt safe in his arms. It comforted you. It reminded you of when your father hugged you after your first boyfriend broke up with you. It was like knowing that someone cared for you when you felt as if the whole world was against you. Until you remembered who was hugging you. Because it definitely wasn’t your father. And the reality of you standing in just your bra with someone that broke into your house hit.
“Get off of me!”
You suddenly screamed, and started pushing his strong chest. Tears still streaming down your face.
“I hate you! I fucking hate you, Jungkook! My life has been a nightmare since the minute I met you!”
You screamed at him with all your lung capacity. Your throat got immediately sore.
“You’re fucking crazy! And I’m tired of playing your fucking games!”
He took several steps away from you, but you walked after him. Pointing your finger in his face.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you?! How can you be so fucking awful?! You’re an awful person!”
He continued to stay silent through your fit of rage. Letting you ride it out.
“I hate you.”
You said, calming down but still crying.
“I hate you so much.”
You said taking a deep breath. You wiped your tears. He didn’t say anything. He just stood there. Speechless. You adverted your eyes to the floor.
“Please leave. Can you please leave me alone? Please, just-“
You started, continuing to wipe your tears. You had resulted to begging him to leave your life.
“I can’t do this anymore, Jungkook. I can’t.”
He grabbed your chin softly, raising your head up to meat his eyes. He was also crying. He silently kissed you. And you let him, too exhausted to do anything else. He pecked your lips, before walking away. He left you there, all alone in your kitchen. As you heard the door close behind him you fell down to the floor. Continuing to weep.
After a month of silence from your former patient you felt content. It had been a month, and there was no sign of him. Your life had gone back to normal again. It was definitely a good thing to tell him exactly what you meant. This time you had been harsh on him, to make him understand you were definitely not interested.
After three months you started thinking that maybe you had been too harsh on him. Maybe you should’ve eased him out of your life. Not gone all crazy on him. But he didn’t contact you, and you were definitely not going to contact him. So telling him that you were sorry was out of the question.
On the fourth month you thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to contact him. Just to tell him you were sorry for being mean of course. He was really attached to you in his own weird way. Getting rejected by someone you had planned out your entire life with must be hard. What if he had gone back to his old ways? What if your rejection caused him to live in agony? To fall into depression?
On the fifth month you found yourself standing in the lobby of his hotel. If you were going to apologise, you were going to do it in person. That’s way more genuine rather than over a text. You definitely didn’t want to see him again, but anything for a real heartfelt apology!
“I’d like to see Mr. Jeon, is he here?”
You asked before the receptionist could say anything. He smiled at you.
“Is Mr. Jeon expecting you?”
He asked in a costumer support voice. You shook your head.
“No he isn’t.”
You answered short.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t give you access to his suite if he’s not expecting you.”
You rolled your eyes. You knew you had to lie.
“He’s not expecting me, but I’m his psychologist, ok? I need to talk with him, it’s important.”
You said in your serious voice. Shoving your business card in his face like you were a cop.
“I’m sorry-“
“You will be sorry if you don’t help me out here.”
You hit your palms onto the counter before you. The man slightly jumped at your action.
“Look, I’m not asking for the fucking key to his nightstand, I just want to know his room number for gods sake!”
You were starting to get annoyed at the poor man just trying to do his job. He looked quite frightened at your outburst. He thought for a second, before he nodded.
“717.”
He simply said. You thanked him and hurried over to the elevator. Once you reached his door you stopped yourself. Was this really the right thing to do? Maybe you should just leave, he wasn’t your concern anymore. Why weren’t you happy he was out of your life? Why? Why? Why?! The door suddenly opened, and you were sucked out of your thoughts. A man stood there, a familiar man, but not Jungkook.
“Hello, sweetheart.”
He said with a smirk on his face. He quickly pulled you into a hug. Letting his hands drop dangerously low on your waist. He took a deep inhale of your hair, letting out a small groan. It gave you instantly chills in all the wrong places. You tried pulling away from the incredibly awkward hug, but his grip on you was tight. He decided when the hug ended, but stayed close to you. Resting his hands on your hips.
“Let go of me! What are you doing here?”
You asked him and tried to get som distance from him, pushing at his chest. But his strong grip on your hips didn’t loosen.
“What are you doing here is the real question. A pretty woman like you shouldn’t be in a hotel like this.”
“Get off of me!”
He smirked and leaned in closer to you again. Whispering in your ear.
“Why don’t you come with me to my room? I still can’t get you off my mind, sweetheart.”
Someone cleared their throat loudly next to you. Taehyung reacted immediately. Jungkook. You looked at him, but he didn’t look at you. His eyes were focused on Taehyungs hands, planted on your hips.
“She said ‘get off’.”
He almost growled. Taehyung smiled, but removed his hands. Putting them defensively up in the air.
“Sorry, boss. Just had to catch up with my psychologist. She’s the girl I told you about.”
Taehyung started. You were in shock. They knew each other?
“I know.”
He answered and looked at you for the first time. There was a sort of a melancholy feeling in his eyes.
“You know it all, man. I’ll just-“
“Leave.”
Jungkook finished his sentence for him.
“Yeah, leave. I’ll leave. Nice seeing you again, y/n. We have to meet up sometime.”
“That won’t be necessary.”
You answered quickly, not taking your eyes off Jungkook.
“I won’t take no for an answer, baby.”
Taehyung said and stepped closer to you again.
“Yes you will, now leave.”
Jungkook said strictly.
“Okaaay, I’ll leave. Whatever.”
He said and walked away. You followed Taehyung with your eyes, watching as he disappeared into one of the rooms down the hall. When you looked back at Jungkook, you discovered he had been staring at you the entire time. You felt anger building up inside you.
“Don’t tell me this is what I think it is.”
You said, you almost sounded hurt.
“It’s not like that.”
He answered. You rolled your eyes at him. He didn’t exactly sound convincing. You had no intention of apologising to him anymore.
“Let me guess, you didn’t hire Mr. Kim to ruin my case so I could run back right into your arms? It was just a convenience that you were waiting for me when I came home, right?”
You asked in a sarcastic tone. He went quiet. You scoffed and turned to walk away. He grabbed your arm harshly so you couldn’t leave.
“I didn’t, I promise. Let me explain, please.
You sighed.
“Let me go.”
He shook his head.
“Y/n, just come-“
“Let me go.”
You interrupted him. After a few seconds he listened to you, and let go of your arm. You stood still, contemplating if you should leave for good this time. Instead, you slipped passed him into his room. His suite was huge, it was more like an apartment really. Modern with expensive furniture and paintings scattered around the room. He had a lot of money, you knew that, but you didn’t know it was to this extent.
“You better explain-“
You were suddenly caught off guard by his strong arms turning you around and embracing you in a tight hug.
“You came back to me! I knew you would! Oh, I’m so happy to see you again, baby!”
He said in a boyish tone. It was a sharp contrast to his interaction with Taehyung. You weren’t able to immediately react, getting lost in the feeling of his arms wrapped around you once again.
“Stop it, Jungkook. I’m still angry with you.”
You said and wiggled out of his hug. He looked at you with hurt in his eyes as he saw you brushing off imaginary dust from your skirt.
“I understand. Sit, I’ll get you something to drink.”
He said and walked out of the room. You did as you were told, sitting down on his white cashmere sofa. He came back with two cups of tea, placing them carefully on the glass table before sitting down beside you. You didn’t say anything, you waited for him to say the first word.
“Just uh- please just listen to me ok?”
He asked and looked at you. You nodded.
“I didn’t exactly plan this. Taehyung was stupid enough to get caught and ended up in prison. I told my lawyer to get you on his case. I knew a case like that would be amazing for your career.”
You shook your head disappointedly.
“I’ve told you I don’t want your help. Why-“
“Listen, y/n. Please just let me explain.”
You sighed and crossed your arms, but you stayed silent.
“Anyways, after a while he confessed to me that he was in love with you.”
You watched his entire body go stiff at his statement. He clenched his fists in jealousy.
“You know I’m willing to go lengths for you to succeed, baby. But- I had to stop him. I refuse to let him have you like that. Especially when we weren’t even talking to each other. So that night I sent you all those messages.”
He unclenched his hands and put his hand carefully on your knee.
“I knew he would do whatever I told him to, so I said if he got you out of the case I’d get him out of prison.”
“So you asked him to jerk off in front of me?”
Jungkooks face changed drastically. He did not seem pleased about the new piece of information you just gave him.
“He did that?”
He asked, his tone had changed from apologetic to dangerous. You nodded. His grip around your knee tightened. You put your hand over his, to show him that he was hurting you.
“I’m going to fucking kill him.”
He said looking you straight in the eye. Another set of chills ran down your back. You knew he meant it. It was not a loose threat.
“This isn’t about him, Jungkook. You pushed him do it. And then you broke into my house, expecting to be treated like some kind of hero.”
You pushed his hand off your knee. He started staring into the air. A million thoughts running through his head.
“I don’t understand how you can’t see that your behaviour is insane?”
You stated. He was still being quiet.
“You need to stop.”
You said a little calmer, trying to comfort him.
“I did.”
He said and looked at you.
“I did stop, because that’s what I thought you wanted. But now you were the one that came to me.”
He caught you off guard. It was your turn to be quiet this time.
“I’ll always do what’s best for you, because I love you, y/n. I don’t care how insane I sound or look to you. But why are you here if you think that of me?”
You looked away from him, knowing you had no rebuttal.
“You called me an awful person, you told me you hated me. And I can take it. But I can’t take another rejection from you! I just can’t!”
He raised his voice now. He was getting emotional.
“I’m sorry.”
You said so lightly it was almost a whisper. He stopped ranting and the room got quiet.
“That’s why I came here. To tell you that I’m sorry.”
You looked back to him again. His eyes were big and filled with so much love. You had never seen him like that before.
“I’m sorry I said I hated you, and that you’re crazy and an awful person. None of it true.”
He nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact with you. You became quiet again.
“Is that it?”
He asked carefully. You nodded, shifting awkwardly in the sofa.
“Yeah, I should probably leave.”
You said, taking his hint. Preparing to walk out and never seeing him again.
“No.”
He said, and shifted towards the end of the seat.
“No, not like that.”
He said in a hurry, and took ahold of you hands. You looked confused at him.
“I didn’t mean for you to leave. Don’t leave.”
He sounded almost desperate, clinging onto your hands. You nodded and gave him a short smile.
“What I meant to say is, is that the only reason you came here?”
You thought for a second. Was saying sorry the only reason you came? That’s at least what you told yourself. But at the same time you felt like you owed him more. You didn’t know what you felt. You had been an emotional wreck for months now.
“Yes.”
You answered. Trying to keep cool and not overthink the entire situation. You didn’t want to see him, you had to. Because you’re a good person. That’s all. That’s it. But it didn’t feel like it. It definitely didn’t feel like it. It felt like you longed to see him.
“You’re lying.”
You were ripped out of your thoughts by his statement. You shook your head defensively.
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
You opened your mouth to argue back, but he spoke first.
“If it was a clear ‘yes’ you wouldn’t have to think about it. I know you better than you think, y/n.”
He repositioned himself so he could look right at you.
“Come on, ask me anything about yourself and I’ll tell you.”
You looked briefly at your wristwatch.
“I don’t know, maybe I should leave.”
“Just give me a chance, y/n.”
He said.
“If I don’t get it right I’ll let you leave.”
You rolled your eyes playfully at him, but still turning more towards him, accepting his offer.
“What’s my mothers name?”
You asked. He gave you a knowing look.
“Come on, that’s easy. Give me something that isn’t on Google.”
You let out a small laugh.
“You didn’t say her name though.”
“Christina, now give me something good. Something deep.”
You smiled, but had to think for a second.
“When did I loose my virginity?”
His smile turned to a smirk.
“You were 16 at Mae’s birthday party. You were drinking, and her boyfriend August hit on you. He took you to her bed and fucked you right there. No wonder Mae isn’t your friend anymore. You’re a bitch.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at him. Deep down it was scary that he knew something so intimate in great detail, but for some reason you were having fun with his little game.
“Ok ok. But now it’s your turn, when did you loose your virginity?”
He let out a nervous laugh at your question.
“This quiz isn’t about me.”
He stated and pulled his hand through his hair. You tilted your head slightly downwards and looked at him through your lashes and with a pout.
“I think it’s only fair that I know your story, since you know mine so well.”
He smiled at you, but looked away for a few seconds. Contemplating if he should tell you or not. When you saw him shy away, you suddenly felt as if you were digging into something he wasn’t comfortable sharing.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
You said, and placed your hand on top of his. Your fun voice was toned down to your regular speech again.
“No, I’ll share it. No worries.”
He said and looked back to you. You nodded and turned completely towards him. Crossing your legs and resting your arm on the backrest of the sofa, ready to hear his story.
“My first time was around one and a half year ago, in your office, with the girl of my dreams.”
He said dead serious. You snickered at him, thinking he was joking. But he didn’t laugh.
“You can’t be serious.”
You stated, he nodded proudly.
“Why wouldn’t I be, like I said you’re my dream girl. Why would I waste my time on others when the only one I want is you?”
He asked rhetorically. You crossed your eyebrows in confusion.
“You’ve never had sex? Ever?”
You asked in shock. His image did not fit the virgin title whatsoever.
“Once. With you.”
You smiled, but shook your head in disbelief.
“You can’t be serious. You probably have girls throw themselves at you.”
His hand found your knee again. This time it was placed a little further up.
“The only one I want is you. I waited for you because I knew you would be worth it. Because I love you.”
He said in a low tone, slightly stroking the inside of your thigh. The two of you were close, so close that you were aware of the proximity. The tension in the air got thicker and thicker from the power of his last words. His face started moving slowly towards you, and you gave in. Meeting his lips. The kiss started slow, but he was quick to rush it. Grabbing your neck to deepen the kiss. You were suddenly overwhelmed by the reality of what you were doing, and pulled away.
“We can’t do this.”
You simply said. Focusing on your hands on your lap. His hand went to push a strand of your hair out of your face.
“Why?”
He didn’t sound angry or impatient. He sounded like he cared. It was so much different from the first time the two of you shared a moment like that. He had really changed, and that was the problem.
“I’m not your patient anymore, y/n. I don’t want anything from you.”
You looked up at him again, and he caressed your face in a loving matter.
“Except for you of course.”
His face got closer again, but this time you didn’t kiss him. You abruptly got up from the sofa, and opted for looking down at him instead. You took a deep breath.
“You’re not doing anything wrong by having sex with me. Again, I’m not your patient.”
He said a little bit louder, trying to calm you down.
“I can’t have sex with you because I’ll fall in love with you.”
You couldn’t believe those words came out of your mouth. You had been in denial this entire time, but you knew yourself. This would not end well. You couldn’t bare to fall in love with someone that would ruin your image and reputation. You just couldn’t. He looked at you like you were some kind of god. Like all his wishes were finally answered.
“Why is that a bad thing?”
He asked, you shook your head.
“I can’t let that happen, Jungkook. It’s going to ruin my career.”
You sat back down, leaning your elbows on your thighs and your head in your hands.
“I have done nothing but help your career. Why can’t you just trust me?”
He put his hand on your back, stroking you lightly. You looked at him again.
“Please, trust me y/n.”
Fuck it, you thought, before you caught him off guard with your forceful kiss. He was quick to get the memo, kissing you back with the same hastiness and lust. You found your way onto his lap without breaking the kiss. Once you were straddling him, you felt his already hard cock grinding against you. He was desperate for you. A muffled groan escaped his lips when your hand went down to remove his belt.
“Wait.”
He said as he pulled away from you. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were wet and plump.
“Let me taste you.”
It sounded more like a question than a statement. His whole aura was so different from the needy rough man you remembered from the last time.
“Please.”
You got off his lap, taking your top off slowly. Watching him as his face turned in awe of the sight of your tits. His eyes were only on you as you shimmied out of your skirt, letting it pool on the floor. You laid down on the sofa, spreading your legs for him. He quickly removed his shirt, before getting on his stomach. His hand ran slowly down your abdomen, before he reached your slit. He split your lips with the same hand, before he dove right into you. You could tell he was inexperienced, but the rapid use of tongue on your clit sent waves of pleasure throughout your body. You let out extra pound moans whenever he would hit a good spot, and luckily he was a quick learner.
Once he had the hang of it, his hand moved down to your vagina, pushing two fingers in. Your back arched at the speed of the overstimulation. Feeling your orgasm approach quicker than usual. You grabbed his hair, pushing him deeper into you, preparing for your release.
“Don’t stop, Jungkook! I’m close.”
He moaned by your words, the vibrations making you tip over the edge. Your legs closed in on him, locking him in place. As you rode out your high. Once you had calmed down, you let go of his hair. And his face popped up from between your legs. He climbed on top of you, kissing you passionately. You tasted yourself on his lips.
“God, you’re so fucking hot.”
He said in between kisses and moans.
“I almost came just from eating you out.”
He started fiddling with his belt, but you stopped him. Placing a hand on his chest carefully.
“Let me.”
You simply said, before he moved off you. He sat down again, and you crawled onto the floor. Seating yourself between his legs. You looked up at him as your hands slowly traveled up his thighs. He was even more flushed now, his hair sticking to his forehead. You could tell he was impatient. Flicking his eyes between your hands and your eyes.
“Please, y/n.”
He uttered with a heavy breath. You smirked up at him, finally reaching his belt. You took your time with it as well. Once it was open, he was quick to pull down his pants and underwear. Letting his cock spring free. You got on top of him again, slowly lowering yourself onto his cock. He jerked up the second he felt your pussy on him. His thick cock stretched your walls out, and a moan escaped both your lips.
“Just relax, I’ll take care of you this time.”
You said in a low voice, placing your hands on his shoulders. His hands went straight to your ass, giving your cheeks a tight squeeze. You kissed him gently before you started riding him. His head fell back in pleasure once you started your movements. Bouncing up and down his cock. His hands dug deeper into your skin. He filled you to the brim, and every bounce felt amazing.
“Fuck! I’m not- gonna last long.”
He moaned and looked back at you. You then leaned your hands backwards onto his thighs. Your head fell slightly back as you moaned at the new angle.
“Y/n, slow down!”
He moaned as his hands moved to your thighs. Trying halfheartedly to stop you. But you didn’t stop. And suddenly you felt him coming inside you. His hips lifted you up, as he released himself. And when you felt like he was finished you stopped. You rapped your hands around his shoulders as you fell onto his chest. The room got quiet, the only sound being your heavy breathing.
You weren’t able to think about the consequences of your actions at that point. You only felt satisfaction and lust. And maybe even love…
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Enemy's cruelty
Author's note: Hello, I know that I've been away for a long time and I'm sorry for that but I needed some time away. Recently I came back in the app and realised that I never posted this part so this is my way to apologise for being inactive for so long. I hope you will enjoy this.
Pairing: Ubbe x Reader.
Genre: Mini!series, drama, angst, slight romance.
Summary: You are planning to leave Ubbe after the news you received.
Warnings: Violence (emotional and physical), mentions of strangulation, mentions of marriage and strong language.
My enemy and me masterlist | Nemesis's wish |
History had always had this odd tendency repeating itself.
The first one was Ragnar Lothbrok. He cheated on his wife with princess Aslaug – Ubbe's mother – and she showed up on his doorstep with child – his child. Lagertha had no choice but to leave him. After all, that should be the actions of everyone who had a little bit of dignity left in them.
History is the greatest tutor. It taught you that being a great man, doesn't have to mean that you are an equally great husband.
The sons of Ragnar had a long legacy behind them from the past coming from their father and from the future because they were destined to score great achievements matching their father's reputation or even overcoming him. Though they were famous about their battle and political exploits, when it came to their intimate relationships things were completely the opposite. All their glory were coming in contrast to the infamous rumours surrounding them.
To be honest, the loyal husband didn't exist – or it was extremely rare to exist among them. It was a common secret that they had their affairs in the lands they were raiding, but it was only because they wanted someone to warm their bed for some nights before they come back to their families.
You had never cared about Ubbe's affairs. In fact, you wished something like that happened because you wanted to be free away from this who you hated passionately. But never guessed that the day your wish came true would come. Also, you would never believe that you could feel any other feeling than hate or disgust or anything bad about this awful man.
This was the worst thing that could happen and it did happen at the worst time possible. Ubbe and you had started developing weird feeling for each other – but probably it happened for the best. You were only in the beginning of feeling less abhorrence about the other person and luckily you were back on same terms before you would disappear from Kattegat for good.
Thinking about taking your child and walking away made your heart clench in your chest. You didn't want young Ragnar to grow up apart from Ubbe. You wanted them close, but you couldn't keep them close anymore. You couldn't stay and be more humiliated than before. It wasn't right neither for you nor for your son.
You knew you had to leave immediately and you would when the boy would recover from the flue. He was better the past three days – the fever was almost gone.
The same as Ubbe. Ubbe was barely around. You two couldn't stand each other in the same house. As you were informed by Torvi, he was having restless nights at Great Hall in the company of his brothers.
He wasn't seeing Margrethe anymore.
He barely talked to her.
He didn't talk at all to you.
You didn't talk at all to him.
The only moments his tired hoarse voice made it in your ears were when he was talking to your son, but even then you didn't want to hear him at all. His voice was irritating you even more than before.
You didn't want him around, but you couldn't keep him apart from his son – not when you were about to take him away from him in a matter of days.
You were trying not to think – especially not for him and not when he was around. It was even worse thinking about him and sensing his presence being in the same place as you were.
It was one of those moments, Ragnar was laying on his father's lap and was listening carefully to the stories Ubbe was telling him about his father and the cities they had raided. Ubbe was speaking about his family's legacy proudly and your son was looking at him magnetized. It felt like he was hanging from each word coming out of his mouth.
You dared to dream about a total different life for a damned second, but you erased that bloody thought from your mind the following one. There couldn't be any other alternative life that Ubbe and you could live happily married with Ragnar. You were meant to be at each others throat.
You turned around and pretended to clean your already cleaned house because you didn't want to look at him anymore. You didn't even want to breathe the same air as him.
It was all back to normal – you were back to hate him. The only difference was that after all these events you hated yourself more than you hated him. You were at fault more than he was because you let your guards down. Even for a little amount of time you let yourself change your feelings. It wasn't a wasn't a great change but still it was enough to get hurt.
Hopefully, you wouldn't get to be around him anymore if everything worked according to your plan. You didn't really like the idea of Ragnar growing up without his father, but you couldn't stay. You had been enough humiliated so far because of him and his mistress.
You would have left sooner if it hadn't been for your sick son, but he was getting better now. If your plan worked right, you would be away from this place in two nights from this moment. You would grab your son and leave at dawn before the any fisherman or merchant saw you. You had even paid some fisherman a great amount of gold to let you sail on his boat in the nearest town and there you would find your way alone.
Your mind was so absorbed in your thought about your escape plan that you didn't notice Ubbe and your son moving from the bed. Ubbe stood up and had the child on his lap before placing him inside his crib. After that he came behind you, standing there uncomfortably without saying a word. When, in fact, Ubbe wanted to say something – anything.
You almost startled when you faced him so close to you, but you didn't do any action that would let him notice. It had felt so long since the last time you were facing each other this close – the last time you had fought about his child with that girl. This time didn't feel any different.
You were standing facing each other without speaking, but there were so many unsaid things between you. So much tension that both of you couldn't unsee the fact that it existed.
Before, in moments like that – when you were staring at each other – you were throwing blades at each other. It felt like a whole single combat between the two of you. The first to take his eyes away from the other was the one who lost the battle. But this time, it didn't feel like it.
The anger and hatred were participating as any other time. Only now, another emotion was there too, in addition with the other two. It felt like guilt, coming from both sides for different reasons.
Though Ubbe was the one to blame for the best part of this situation they were put into. It would be only fair to let her go without any word and he knew it himself deep in his heart, but it was hard to accept it – to deal with it. They weren't in the best of terms ever – in fact not even close to good ones – but she had never left or had done anything to humiliate him in public. Their personal matters were kept to themselves within the walls of this house – though it was a common secret that they weren't getting along. Apart from that they kept themselves civil in public and in front of his family even though they knew everything about them.
Ubbe cleared his throat first. He had been wanting to say something since the moment he set his foot in the house, but couldn't form a word. But he knew that he couldn't keep himself from speaking. He had to say something – it felt now or never. Ubbe wanted to clear his position, to apologize. He knew that you wouldn't let him do so.
You were a proud woman – he knew it as he knew that you wouldn't let him say anything about the matter that would be keep things civil between you. In any case, this would end up bad, like it always did. You would fight again and this time it might be worse than the other times because this time you had something really serious to argue about.
"The child seems better." This was the only thing Ubbe managed to say.
You rolled your eyes at his statement and felt your blood boiling. It felt like he was in disbelief that you managed to take good care of your son and he was healthy all over again. You were mad at him for all the other situation with the slave girl, but him undermining you was worse than cheating.
"Did you believe that he wouldn't?" You tone was harsh and bitter. At the sound of it, Ubbe's expression changed. His features hardened and his jaw was clenched. The battle had started once more – like any other time.
"Would you blame me for that? It isn't like you are the most caring person around." His tone was matching to your own which enraged you even more than before. You had all rights of Midgard to be angry and he was trying to turn it to you being a bad mother because you were mean to him.
It wasn't like you didn't know it – you knew that your actions towards him wasn't kind but the opposite. But you weren't this way to your son. Ragnar the Younger was your only comfort, your only companion. The person who made you like your life when you hated it more than ever.
Your love for him was sincere. How could it now be, he was your only child even though he was also the son of your nemesis you couldn't feel any less love for the person who grew inside your body and got out of it. He was yours and you adored him.
"But your whore is, right?" You felt like you were going to strangle him to death with your bare hands. After your words, you didn't even wait for an answer of his or any movement, you were mad and you wanted to take it out of you without pressing your hands on his throat. You had never did something like that – you had slapped him, yes, but your hands never went further than that. "If you believe that she is, you are stupid enough. I have learned not to underestimate any rival of mine and I certainly haven't underestimated you or her. How could I underestimate a slave girl? Slave girls can do anything to get them out of the low position they are and be in power and when they manage to free themselves, they want more and more." A fire was dancing inside the color of your eyes. You were mad and you couldn't keep the words from getting out – you didn't want to keep them.
Ubbe didn't get to say anything. His eyes were glaring directly inside your own burning eyes – his gaze was no different than yours. He didn't answer and you after a short breath you started again with the poisonous words.
"It's so easy to notice that she is a gold digger after your status. Just by looking at the way she has all of you – the sons of the mighty Ragnar Lothbrok – wrapped around her little finger you can say it. You fools have sincere and true feelings for her – how pathetic. But I won't blame you, you can't choose who your heart belonges – unfortunately. Just don't ever judge me again. You can't because you don't me." One long breath again. Your eyes always on his – sign of you believing every word that came out of your mouth. Ubbe was listening to you, preparing for his own little speech.
"I won't deny that I am a cruel woman – I know I can be harsh and bitter, but that's how I grew up. It wasn't easy for me either. I am not a thrall, but all my life it felt like I was. My fate – it seems – is controlled by men, treating me like an object they can use to secure some kind of alliance or a womb that's only use is to produce heirs. But I am a woman – a person." You almost tear up, but before even your tear came make it further than your eye you manage to wipe it away.
When you finished, Ubbe was running his hand through hair, ready to speak himself.
"You speak a lot without really knowing what you are saying – yet your words is your truth. I am not saying that life was kind to you – I can't know what has happened to you before I met you, I can only assume. My life hasn't been kind as well. Everyone is expecting extraordinary things from me because of my father – a father that was never there for me. Most of my life I've been only with my mother – who was never really there – and my brother – Bjorn. If it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't be the man I am." Ubbe was starting calmly and yet so intensely.
"As for Margrethe, don't judge her you don't know her the way me or my siblings do. The problem is between us – it had always been there. We are the people to blame about the tragedies of our lives. You and I have made mistakes and the worst of them all was our lack of interest in hearing to each other. You had problems and I had mine when we married and we let those problem tear us apart. Both of us haven't been the ideal person for the other, but here we other stuck with each other having a conversation that had to be made a long time ago.
"We fucked up our lives with our bare hands and now after all this time of failing ourselves we are called to deal with the consequences."
"You fucked up our lives big time." Your words came out in the most selfish way possible when his own were spoken wisely and reasonably. That was Ubbe people knew and loved.
"Me, alone? As if you are a saint." His bitterness was back, but it wasn't enough to make you stop. You were mad at him.
Yes, his words were right. You were the authors of your destruction and downfall, but his doing – his intimate relationship with her and the aftermath of it, their child – was the worst part of it and was his own doing. He had tore you apart and signed your end. He couldn't say it was both your doing. Well, partially it was, but Ubbe was the one to take the most of the credit about it.
"I am not, but I wasn't the one who humiliated you by sleeping and impregnating a thrall. Be the reasonable man you claim you are and accept the amount of the blame you have, along with the consequences that follow." You spoke calmer than before and took first your eyes away from his. You moved away from him to the crib of your son to check on him. He was asleep, luckily you were calmer than usual and he was able to take his nap.
"This incident is just the tip of the iceberg. We have equal amount of blame for the rift in our marriage." He continued behind you in a tired tone of voice.
Your eyes moved away from the small form of your son and moved to the much larger one of Ubbe. You rolled your eyes once more frustrated. You were done by this. You knew what you had to do to stop all these arguments and drama – you were going to leave just a couple of days had left for you to endure Kattegat and Ubbe.
"Which marriage are you talking about? There's no marriage. You destroyed that." You weren't yelling – just scoffing. But your words, you damn well that wasn't the entire truth. It would be the whole truth if you said that you both destroyed your marriage with your foolish actions.
Your scoffing made Ubbe even more than he was. He moved towards the table and sat down on one of the wooden chairs. You stayed at your former position. You were standing close to your son's crib in front of him.
"You are my wife and that won't change even though both of us would like that." Harsh and calm tone, enough to make your blood boiling for once more. Your lips pursed in a thin line and your jaw clenched.
"Yeah, I forgot you would love to free her and then marry her." Your own tone was an ironic one when you referred to her.
"I intend to marry her regardless."
Your eyes turned to meet his – his blue ones were already gazing you. It was one of those rare moments he caught off guard. For a moment or so you thought that you misheard him, but the fucking expression on his face told you otherwise – told you that you heard clearly his words.
"What?" Your voice wasn't louder than a whisper.
"I'll take her as a second wife of mine. I would tell you under different circumstances, but I have to realize that there would never be ideal or even better circumstances between us. So, yes, Margrethe will be my wife and she will give birth to my child." The whole time Ubbe was speaking, his eyes were studying you – your eyes, your expressions, everything.
You managed to take a couple of steps away from the crib. You couldn't even form a word, because you couldn't process his words.
"Your first and only wife you meant to say."
"You are my first wife."
"I am not your wife anymore."
Your whole conversation was happening – surprisingly – in the most civil way possible. No bitterness, not poisonous words, nothing. The first and hopefully the last time.
"This conversation goes nowhere. You are way too stubborn to understand a couple of things and I have a tone of fucking stuff to deal with. If you decide to calm down before the marriage, good. If not, then I'll take matters in my own hands the way I know." Ubbe stood up from the chair and moved towards you not too close, but not far enough.
"Don't do anything impulsive for your sake."
Low voice, quite threatening and eyes gazing deep in your soul. But you would never let him notice that. You were eyeing him the same way – you would never back down to none especially him.
"I am not afraid of you." Your voice was challenging and for the first time after days a vicious smirk formed on his face.
Ubbe leaned towards you, his hot breath fell on your neck. He took a sip of your scent before any word came out of mouth.
"Maybe not at the moment, but you will be." His voice was soft – softer than ever. Yet that was definitely a threat.
You didn't get to answer to that because he stormed out of the house, leaving you behind confused and angry – definitely not afraid.
The days felt insufferable. Each was another torment for you. You couldn't even step out of the door of your house, everyone was pointing their fingers at you, gossiping about your husband's offspring with the slave girl. They were mocking you – something that you proud self couldn't accept. You glared at them but that wasn't enough to restore your dignity. The only thing that would help your reputation would be to leave him for good and never ever step a foot on this damned grounds.
And the big was finally there. You were only an hour away from your freedom, but your heart was aching. It felt wrong and apart from this another strange feeling were eating you up alive. You felt like you shouldn't leave with your son, but this wasn't an option. You were out of options indeed at the end of the day.
You didn't bother to wake up Ragnar. You wrapped him in a thick fur and put your own black cloak on.
The sheet of snow on the ground and the roofs of the houses was thick. It was very cold this time of the night out there. You shouldn't be out, but you had to make it in the dock and leave to save any little dignity you had left after your husband's achievements.
You walked like a shadow in the way that led on the dock. Your weird feeling was getting stronger and stronger at each step you took towards the directions you wanted. It felt like your heart was trying to warn you not to go – not to leave Ubbe – but your mind was telling you otherwise. You had to leave, to get in that boat and move away from Kattegat.
Eventually, you made it on your destination and took off the hood of your cloak, but something felt off. Things didn't go as you planned them to.
Two men were standing in front of the dock and there wasn't any boat close enough. Moreover, the fisherman you had paid to help you was nowhere to be found. You were watching them like a hawk, trying to study them and find to get away somehow. There was no way back to Kattegat.
You turned around to step back – not to your house – to the forest. There should be a way to escape from the forest. However, when you did turned around, your eyes widened when you spotted Ubbe eyeing you with two men standing next him. Both of them were his brothers – Bjorn and Hvitserk. You couldn't read his face, but you knew by heart that he was angry and tried to hide it under this mixed expression.
Before you even thought about anything to say, Ubbe had already started walking in your direction. You couldn't really anything – you didn't need to. Both of you knew that this was the only right thing to do for the sake of your dignity, but Ubbe would never let you slip away in the middle of the night with his son on hands. Once Lagertha had managed to leave his father and Bjorn had gone her. Ubbe couldn't let you take his eldest away. He couldn't bear the thought of his boy growing away from him.
"I told you not to do anything impulsive, but per usual you didn't listen to me." Ubbe whispered to you when he was just a breath away from you. His hands wrapped around your son's little body and pulled away from your hands violently, waking him up by the way he pulled him.
The boy started crying and you yelling.
"Don't touch him! Give him to me! Ubbe!" You were yelling at him as he was walking at the other way around towards his brothers. You tried to reach him and take your son back, but the two men you saw earlier grabbed you by force by both of your arm and didn't let you approach. You were hitting them and were trying to break free but they were far more stronger than you. "No! No! No! You can't do that to me, Ubbe! NO!" You were yelling crying. Your son was crying as well on Hvitserk's lap. You sank on your knees, still trying to break free and reach your son. "You are a monster! I fucking hate you!"
Hvitserk was trying to calm down your son, but he couldn't unsee your state.
"Ubbe, maybe you should—" Hvitserk tried to reason with him, but Ubbe stopped him using both words and movements of his hands.
"Don't get involved in that, Hvitserk. This is between me and my wife." Ubbe's voice was stern as his steps were bringing him closer to your wrecked form.
"Your former wife. Former." You spitted as he was kneeling in front of you. He clicked his tongue inside his mouth when he heard you.
Swiftly his hand pulled your face by your chin and your eyes met – yours were burning full in tears and his had gone darker, they had the darkest shade of blue you had ever seen. Shortly after your eyes met, his hand moved from your chin to your throat. It wrapped around your neck so firmly that you almost couldn't breathe, but you didn't care at this point. The worst part of this situation you were into was your son's crying – it broke your heart. You wanted to reach him and caress him, sing to him and calm him down.
"You are my wife. Mine. Like it or not this is the way." Ubbe was speaking in hoarse and stern tone all the time. He was imposing and serious. "Now you have two options here and that's because I am a generous person. If it was for another man, you wouldn't have the option to see your son again, because you would be dead or worse." He left your throat and ordered his men to help you stand. At first you resisted, but eventually you did as he said. Ubbe stood up as well and for once more you were facing each other.
"Your first option is to leave. You are free to go where ever you like away from Kattegat – away from me." He started say and motioned to his men to set you free – something they did instantly.
You frowned you couldn't believe your ears. There has to be something there he wasn't going to let you leave just like that – not after all this chaos.
"But my son stays here. You will leave and never lay a foot on Kattegat. You will never see him again."
At the sound of this, you felt your heart clenching. It was like he had stabbed you with his knife directly in your heart and then ripped it out of your body. You couldn't leave your son behind and never see him again.
"No, I can't do that! You can't do that!" You cried and gazed only at your son, but Ubbe's hand wrapped around your jaw tightly and forced you to look at him, when you tried to look back at your son he didn't let you. He kept your face stable at your former position.
After your words, Ubbe smirked.
"So this leaves us with the second option. You will stay here, be my wife – my loyal wife – and you will move in the Great Hall with me. You will accept my marriage with Margrethe and give us your blessing. Also, you will never try to harm her or my child or else you will never see Ragnar the Younger again. That's a promise." He continued and left your face. After that, he moved back to his brothers who were watching the whole scene without talking after Hvitserk's attempt to reason with him. "I'll give you a second to think about your options. Think about it well."
Ubbe took Ragnar on his hands trying to calm him down himself, but he couldn't – Ragnar was still crying.
You approached them – tears were falling like waterfalls from your eyes – and opened your hands for Ragnar. Ubbe didn't give him to you even after he saw the boy's hands lifting towards you – he wanted you.
"You won't get to touch my son unless you choose correctly."
Before you mumble your answer, you wiped your tears from your soaking cheeks.
"Everything will happen as you wish. We will go to the Great Hall and I'll give you my blessing for your marriage. I'll take care of your wife and your child. Just give me my son. Please Ubbe." You hadn't felt more humiliated than this moment ever again. Even when you learned about the slave girl and her child, you didn't feel like this.
He let you have your son. When he brought him on your hands, you let your tears fall freely. You closed your eyes and smelled his scent. After that, you placed a long kiss on his forehead.
"He is my son and don't you dare think of doing something like this again, because next time I won't be this generous to you." Ubbe whispered to you and you didn't answer.
As long as you had Ragnar on your hands, you didn't care about anything else. Neither your dignity nor who Ubbe slept with. You were defeated for good. You had lost the war of your life. Your life had no meaning apart from your son. You were nothing more than a mother. Ragnar was all that had left in your life and you would give it to protect him – or end with the worst way possible whoever dared to harm him.
The following day you moved in the Great Hall, earning scoffing and mocking looks from the people in it – even the queen had a weird look on her face like she was questioning the choices you had made and your approval for Ubbe's second marriage with a thrall. The people who knew were the only ones who showed quite the sympathy, but still they were on Ubbe's side. You had no allies in this place. You were on your own as you had always been.
"Welcome in the Great Hall." The queen was the one to welcome you first. You didn't even pretend that you were glad about it, didn't even bother to force a fake smile on your face.
"It's good to have you here. Maybe you could help us with the preparations of the wedding." Margrethe was the one to speak next. She approached you smiling. Your gaze met the one of Ubbe's who was already on you, expecting your answer to his bride. You knew better than to cause a scene.
"Sure. It would be nice." You spoke, earning the laughter and mockery of Ivar. You couldn't blame him though. If it wasn't for Ragnar, you would scoff at yourself for your foolishness.
The day of the wedding was even worse than anything you had to endure so far. Maybe that was the worst day of your life and not the day of your own wedding to him. This day and the day you tried to escape with your son had been marked on your memory as the worst day of your life – you couldn't really choose which one had been worse than the one. You only knew that on those days you had been humiliated and violated in the worst ways possible.
You used to be a proud woman – now you were the exact opposite of that. You were dishonoured. You felt small and vulnerable in public, but kept trying to not break in front of the prying eyes. They had disgrace your honor, but you would never let them see how much it affected you.
You wore one of your finest dresses and put on your best of efforts to keep forcing fake smiles on your face. Your hair was braided on a tight bun. The dress you wore was black unlike the bride's white.
You were the first one to walk down the aisle and notice everyone. It was an open wedding – all Kattegat participated to confess your public humiliation, but you kept your forced smile there and waited for them. Ubbe and Margrethe followed shortly after you.
Everything was blurry for you until the Gothi asked who would give the bride to her husband. You forced a smile and without a lot words you gave her the ring made of gold Ubbe had picked for her. Then, the priestess blessed the three of you with the blessed blood of the sacrifice and it was you who had to give your bless about their union next, before the Gothi would bless the ring and Ubbe would put it on her finger.
That was the most difficult part of it. You weren't hurt about the fact they were getting married – you couldn't be. Ubbe had treated you the way your father did and that was enough to had the same feelings for him as you had for your father – to despise him. They treated you like one of their possessions, like an object. You wantes to believe that even the person he were towards you – Ubbe was different from him. But eventually they were all the same.
Margrethe lifted her hands which were inside a wreath and you touched it. You wanted to destroyed the moment your hands touched it, but you didn't do that. Instead, you freed her hands from and let it slip on the floor.
"You are free." You looked at her with your fake smile and tears threatening your eyes. Tears that you would never let them fall. You were stronger than that. Apart from relying on your own strength, you had asked Frigg herself to help you endure this. "Go, marry my husband... with my blessing." You paused for the shortest of breaths and touched your hands with Ubbe's and Margrethe's. After that you were enough not to remember the rest of the ceremony.
A feast came after this parody of a wedding. You were seated on the right side of Ubbe and Margrethe on the left. You didn't really payed attention to the conversations in the Hall, neither tried to start one. You were seated on your chair drinking ale from a curved horn.
You were quiet until Lagertha – or Earl Ingstad – approached and sat down in the empty chair next to yours. You smiled politely at her and fake. By the look on her face you were sure that she could say whether or not that smile was sincere. She knows more than people would like to.
"I have a question for you, though I know the answer myself." She started and got all of your attention on her.
"What would that question be?"
"Why did you blessed this union? Why did you stay?" Her voice was soft along, but her gaze sharp. She was studying you – reading your mind. "You and I have more in common that we would like. Once I was in your place as well. I know the feeling."
You took a long sip from your drink and worked on your answer for some seconds. You weren't going to say the truth – you weren't going to mention anything about that night. You wouldn't like to be called a coward, but better a coward than a childless mother. After all, you were there because of Ragnar the Younger, not because of Ubbe.
"Not all of us are as strong as you."
Lagertha seemed pleased by the way you chose to answer. Her hand reached for yours and she leaned closer to you. Her voice was softer than a whisper – you barely heard her – and when her words made it in your ears you were surprised.
"Yes, because you are stronger. No woman would let herself be disgraced in such way because of the love for her child. I – I didn't. When I left Ragnar, Bjorn didn't choose to come along, but eventually changed his mind. A son should be close to his father – yes – but no mother must be away from her child." Her words made your heart clench. As one mother to another she could understand your agony and pain for your only child.
A true smile formed on your face and you gave it to her, before she retreat to her original seat.
The rest of your night went by the same way it did before Lagertha showed up. Ivar would leave his offensive remarks which didn't really bother you anymore. Hvitserk wouldn't be in his usual mood due to this marriage – something like yourself. Sigurd didn't really seem offended or affected by Ubbe's choice to marry the girl. Bjorn was Bjorn – he was his usual self. After all he was the only one who never had or seeked any kind of relationship with her.
When you retreated to your chamber, you found Ubbe having Ragnar on his lap, talking to him about one more story of his family's saga. When he spotted you, he left the chair he was sitting and came closer to you, giving you the child.
"You were unexpected today." Ubbe noted and you almost let a bitter chuckle leave your mouth.
"I didn't have a choice." You spoke, looking only at your son. The only time you decided to look at him was to ask him about something. "And why are you here, anyway? Isn't your wedding night? Shouldn't you be with your new wife?" There were more than a question – more than you intended to ask – but it came out naturally.
Ubbe decided to avoid the answer you gave him after his remark and focused on your questions.
"I wanted to see my son." He said casually tickling with one of his hands your boy, making him jiggling and laughing. You smiled at the sound of his angelic laughter. "And you." This time his voice was much softer than any other time. Your eyes met and you tried to focus back on your son and not on the fast rate of your heartbeat.
"Ragnar is fine, I am fine. Go to your wife." You said quickly turning your back.
You were walking through the room, caressing your son's back. That was one of your desperate attempts to put him to sleep. He was upset the nights away from home – your former home. He wasn't used here and he would refuse to go to sleep.
"You are also my wife."
You sighed harshly when he reminded you – like you could forget when he was around all the time. Or you could forget when you were giving your blessing to wed another. Or when he forced you to stay. Or—
A soft knock on your door was enough to stop all your thoughts and prevent you from giving him any answer. Ubbe opened the door himself and revealed Hvitserk.
"Sorry to interrupt you." He spoke looking at you and you smiled at him.
"You don't. Ubbe was just leaving."
"Yeah, that was exactly the reason I came. We are expecting you. Don't be late." He whispered to his brother, but not low enough for you not to hear them. You didn't even want to think about the topic of their conversation, but you could imagine – much to your displeasure. Your mind was getting there not following your attempts not to. After these words from brother to brother, Hvitserk turned to apologetically. "Sorry again."
"Goodnight." You muttered and he winked at you. Ubbe closed the door, but not before he overheard your whisper to yourself. "I suppose that it will indeed be a good night." You laughed to yourself and he did the same as he closed the door behind his brother.
"We—" Ubbe started saying awkwardly. A hand was at the back of his head, scratching him skin. You stopped him, before he could even form a second word.
"No need to tell me anything. It's your personal life." You told him quickly, raising one of your hands – the one which wasn't holding the child – to stop him.
"You are part of my personal life." His voice was hoarse and calm for once more. As he was speaking, he was moving towards you for once more.
"I am part of your chores. I suppose." You smiled. One more real smile that evening. He smiled as well.
"No. Do you want one truth?" Ubbe was whispering now. He had stopped right in front of you. Your son was the only thing who kept you apart.
"Only one?" You kept whispering as he did.
Both of you were smiling.
"Just one."
"Go ahead, say it. I promise I won't tell a soul."
"Good. Coming back to you had always been my top priority since we met."
Your whole conversation was made of whispers and smiles – like a sacred prayer. One that was so sacred and holy that shouldn't be heard from the other. Your first and only silent one without yelling or anything loud.
You hadn't noticed how close to each you were standing until you stopped talking. All this closeness felt uncomfortable.
You took your eyes off of him and looked at your son – he was asleep. You smiled at the sight.
"He is asleep." You told Ubbe softly enough not to wake the boy.
"Yeah – um – I should probably get going." He was saying awkwardly as you were placing your son inside his crib.
"Yes, I think you should. Goodnight." You muttered and smiled uncomfortably at him.
Ubbe took a few steps back and mouthed a rushed "goodnight" before he was out of your door.
You felt yourself smiling at the memory of your previous conversation, the most real in all this time you knew each other. The only one which didn't end up in a fight or happened within one. The most calm and yet the most intensive you had.
If only this was the beginning and nothing had happened before that.
You moved you head in an attempt to remove these thoughts. Ubbe was in Margrethe's chamber with Hvitserk celebrating their first night as a wed couple and before he had forced to stay in Kattegat and suffer under the roof of the Great Hall.
Things wouldn't change with a couple of romantic thoughts. After all, any time you had one of those things had the tendency to become even more wild between Ubbe and yourself. As far as you stayed in the comfort of your chamber – away from everyone and their drama – you were safe.
Your child was the only person you needed around and Ubbe was the opposite – the person you definitely hated to have around. He and his new wife were the people you wanted to avoid and you were going to try.
Tag list: @bruher, @utterlyhopeful-fics, @hypocritic-trash-baby, @fofisstilinski, @brianochka, @thelirofnorthlands, @malamistka
#vikings ubbe#ubbe imagine#ubbe ragnarsson#ubbe lothbrok#ubbe#ubbe x reader#vikings au#vikings x reader#vikings imagine#vikings fic
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Hey, as a long viewer of your anti iroh posts, which, as a person who just recently watched ATLA, I have a very controversial theory/headcanon based on my knowledge of general psychology (not a psychologist so disregard if incorrect) and perspective of Iroh's character and by the attitude of his fans that can possibly get me hate messages and even death threats. So I came to the conclusion that Iroh expresses an uncomfortable character of NPD or particularly a certain "sub" that you will, being Benevolent/Vulnerable Narcissim.
Iroh loves to present himself as "wise, kind and fatherly," but his actions showcase the total opposite, and his supposed identity appears far more shallow and self-centred. He never properly mentors or shows to really know Zuko. Instead, he simply uses Zuko to serve as his act of penance, which is why he never meaningfully teaches Zuko to become a better person or to realise that his father is at fault and that his sister is not his real enemy. But no, instead, he lays off to do the bare minimum. He shows less to no remorse for Zuko's predicament that was caused by him for not standing up to his brother when he was banished. Nor does Iroh show any for Zuko's victims. Instead, Iroh operates under the mindset that supporting Zuko and making him Firelord will accomplish his penance. His lack of care for Azula is precisely because she is an obstacle not just for Zuko but for his "penance" as well.
It's also interesting the lack of self-awareness that Iroh has. He calls Azula crazy for doing what he did for decades. The only difference is that Azula genuinely cares for her nation while Iroh doesn't really care except his glory. He sent his son to the front lines to fight his own battles for him, which isn't that different from Ozai's treatment of Azula and Zuko. Oh, and at the finale, what does he do? Send Zuko and Katara into danger while abandoning them to satisfy his selfish desire. Of course, as you mentioned, he also doesn't live up to his own "wisdom" instead using that wisdom to appear smart and confuse others. Because in all honesty, Zuko NEVER applies any of Iroh's suppose wisdom because Iroh doesn't ever think to teach BLUNTLY to Zuko, like any basic teacher can look at Iroh and already have their hands in their face, but of course the further issue is that instead of applying basic healthy logic, Iroh instead utilises the toxic sibling rivalry to manipulate Zuko into becoming his "perfect" son. Zuko becomes a better person despite Iroh not because of him, Zuko's "metamorphosis" (aka breakdown) is the best example of how unhealthy Iroh's parenting is.
Iroh is also shameless when it comes to his mistakes. He never feels guilt or apologises to June for his blatant sexual harassment. He has no shame for being friends with the Rough Rhinos or assisting Zhao in the further conquest and bloodshed of the Northen Water Tribe. He never thinks or comes clean with his crimes against the Earth Kingdom, instead choosing to profit off the very same people he victimised. He never apologises to Zuko for being a shitty mentor/Uncle.
Iroh reminds me of ALOT of narcissistic so called "benevolent" or "vulnerable" people who will appear kind and even express self hatred but only for further validation and without taking risks or responsibility whatsoever for their mistakes, instead blaming others or doing "good" little things to create a narrative that they are "saints" and that people who disagree or despise them are "crazy or evil".
This might be far-fetched, but when you consider that to this day, the majority of ATLA fans have been juiced in this narrative that Iroh = 50 year old warmonger is a Saint who should be worshipped and that Zuko should be "thankful and grateful" of said Iroh, and that Azula = 14 year old abused child soldier who did the least messed up things and is the youngest member is demonised for being "crazy" and even Aang gets treated inferior to Iroh, well it already feels right at home with typical narcissistic narratives
I've had similar thoughts myself, but I really don't like applying medical diagnoses to fictional characters living in a very different society, so I never quite articulated them. Certainly Iroh seems to be an extraordinarily self-centered person who puts major effort into pretending not be so self-centered.
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Satoru Yotsumura appreciation post🙏
The former founding member of the Order & Emeritus Professor of the Japan Clear Creation (JCC), who is now forced to live as a fugitive after his banishment from the JAA.
He was also... a loving husband and father; a family man.
Yotsumura's backstory was pretty tragic I'm sure we can all agree. Up till today, I'm still amazed at how Suzuki-sensei was able to stir my emotions solely with the flashback illustrations of him & his family. The narrative we got wasn't much, yet Sensei established in just one chapter how dearly Yotsumura loved & cared for his family. How precious they were to him. Indeed, pictures do speak thousands of words.
During the scene where Yotsumura was falling into the river after Shishiba defeated him, his thoughts were shown to be of Amane, Shishiba back in the days (with his ponytail), followed by lastly his wife Shino. I still wonder if the order matters here, and I personally think it does. Honestly speaking, I really liked this bit about seeing Shishiba appear in his thoughts as he was "dying". It shows just how important Shishiba must be in his life too, aside from his son and wife. Note that present tense "must be".
Of course he's important, cuz otherwise why would Yotsumura have invited Shishiba over for dinner & let him meet his family? He was pissed when Asaki, a high-ranking JAA exec & probs the no. 3 at that time, brought up about Amane -to the extent that he even threatened to kill him. And yet this cold-hearted, blonde ponytail dude got invited over to their home for dinner & had the honour to meet his family. Not only that, Yotsumura even begged Shishiba to help look out for his family if something bad were to happen to him. This goes to show that he must have had a high level of trust in Shishiba. (And if I'm not mistaken, he trusts Sakamoto too since Sakamoto knew about Amane as well.)
It's unfortunate that Yotsumura was robbed of his chance to be an otherwise great father to Amane while the little boy was growing up. This man even got betrayed by the one woman he loved so much & trusted. And then he got framed by the organisation he was working for. When his trusted apprentice came to seek for the truth, Yotsumura neither defended himself nor provided an explanation or the true story, instead he told Shishiba to not ask questions & that his job was just to kill.
What goes around will truly come back around. Yotsumura made his life off killing other people and, unlike Sakamoto, he chose not to leave his assassin profession -which is a big mistake on his part cuz it goes back full circle to himself & his beloved family. I can't imagine how painful it must have been for him to kill Shino, but being the loving & caring dad he is, he did not hesitate & finished her off cuz that meant saving his own son's life; an innocent child. This aside, what actually made me sick to the core is seeing how Shino showed no remorse until her last breath; she didn't even apologise for her actions. Which means, she truly married Yotsumura to serve her own purpose in the "revolution" that she's a part of. It's insane.
When he first met Shishiba, Yotsumura taught him that, in order to survive in their world, one should surround themself with people whom they're fine with dying. But after it got revealed he has a family of his own, Yotsumura added, "The key to surviving in this world is your dedication to protecting what you care about." I think this is bittersweet especially with what fate had in store for Yotsumura. He preaches both ideology, so it seems, and at the back of his mind he might have already been ready for anyone around him dying, though it's certain that he'd go extra lengths to prevent that from happening. And yet fate has arranged for him in such a way that he would end up losing everything. (Which, once again, shows that assassins are better off alone & have no families.)
Well, not really everything actually cuz thankfully young Amane was still alive back then & Yotsumura knew that he can't put his loved ones in danger so he had no choice but to leave his precious son behind & continued on to live his life as a wanted man. Even if it means Amane would remember him as a deadbeat dad.
Yotsumura has gone thru so much hell. And now he's working behind-the-scenes for Nagumo, who unexpectedly rescued him from death & has offered him a pretty decent deal. Hopefully… Yotsumura would be able to reunite & live with his precious son Amane again -as Nagumo had promised. I'm absolutely sure Amane would love for this chance too🙏
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back to life
Jinyoung didn’t deserve to be believed, being misunderstood was his punishment for not being able to help his friend when he would have needed it. He felt like he could have a redemption only if he finished school without anyone talking to him, so why... why did you want to see him when he wanted to be invisible?
➳ Characters: high school senior!Jinyoung x female reader/you
➳ Genre: high school au, coming of age, real-life bittersweet
➳ Words: 5.2k
➳ Warning: due to the connection to the CIX story films, there will be mentions of Yonghee's suicide attempt, bullying, violence, minor character death (Seunghun's mother), blood, hospital visits, plus panic attack, insomnia and a lot of guilt, negative self-talk on Jinyoung's part, reader has a non-specified digestive disorder, so please, do not read the story if you feel triggered by such topics!
➳ A/N: This was a story that I came up with even before the Save me, kill me MV and the following story films (ep. 6-10) were released, so there are parts that do not cover the story films, yet this is my general interpretation of its lore, plus additional fictional parts. Hope you enjoy it! ❤️
➳ CIX taglist: @wccycc, @dat-town
Jinyoung knew that he deserved the glares, the stares, the malicious whispers behind his back. If that was what he had to bear for what he had done (or hadn’t done) to Yonghee, then so be it. He could never suffer as much as his friend had done so.
He deserved it, he knew that, he deserved it all.
So he kept his eyes on the ground, avoiding the endless sea of judgemental faces, shut his ears to block out the noise of rumours, and kept his emotions at bay to prevent further bursts of fury to unleash onto someone who didn’t deserve it. After all, if he had just been kinder to Yonghee, if he had just treated him gently instead of using violence, maybe this would have not happened… If… In this world, ifs didn’t amount to anything. They couldn’t bring back the happy memories they shared, they couldn’t turn back time prior to the tragedy, and they couldn’t magically bring Yonghee to consciousness. Despite the fact that the boy was still alive, the heart monitor beside his hospital bed indicating that his heart hadn’t given up, the doctors weren’t that positive regarding his condition.
“He fell from such a high building…”
“He lost so much blood…”
“The fall was rough, he hurt himself badly…”
As if the boy hadn’t struggled enough before, he was still in so much pain, and seeing his body attached to all those wires, oxygen mask on his scarred face, impossibly white sheets covering his injured body, Jinyoung felt even worse. Whenever he visited his friend in the hospital, whenever he looked at Yonghee’s face, he was reminded of their last encounter, and it was enough for him to want to scratch at his skin for it was too unbearable to deal with the consequences of his own actions.
Even though Hyunsuk had tried to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, Jinyoung didn’t believe him. After all, Yonghee had jumped the day he had pushed him to the shelves, yelling at him, asking if he had been crazy to want to hurt himself over a bad grade. He could never understand the obsession of Yonghee’s parents regarding their son’s good grades, let alone how much it impacted the boy since he himself had never been a good student, nor had he tried to be one.
If he could have just been a bit more empathetic, if he had just opened his eyes to the signs a little earlier…
Jinyoung felt the rush of guilt creeping into his veins, taking over his heart and mind, and he welcomed the feeling almost like a familiar visitor by now. He balled his hands into fists, his nails digging deep into the flesh as he tried to let it wash through him, let it drown him. He wanted nothing more than to drown in this feeling, but reality always brought him back to life - this time, it was you.
“Oh, sorry,” you apologised hastily as you noticed the boy sitting on the floor between two bookshelves, and he looked up, albeit a bit hazily. It was as if you had woken him up from a stupor, he still didn’t feel like his senses were his, his surroundings were real. It was always like this when guilt pulled him under.
He kept quiet, waiting for you to break eye-contact or outright leave this particular section of the school library that he had found to be quiet, so he could hide here while the others were having lunch at the canteen. Not that he had a good appetite these past few weeks, but bearing the watching eyes of others while eating would have been too much, all too much. So just like before, he was a coward, and cowardly chose the easier path - running away.
After transferring schools, somehow rumours followed him, and now everyone here thought that he had killed a student aggressively at his previous school, and he had only managed to avoid juvy because his parents were rich and bribed the jury. While in reality, Yonghee’s case was classified as a suicide attempt for now, and the boy had neither died, nor had Jinyoung been the bully in his case. Not that it mattered when his friend was still lying in bed, still in a coma.
“Do you mind if I join?” You inquired instead of leaving, and confusion brought Jinyoung back to the here and now. Why were you trying to join him when he was a so-called murderer? And why did you bring your lunch box to the library? Did you not eat at the canteen like the others?
He merely looked at you, unfazed, and only spoke up when you didn’t leave.
“Why? Don’t you believe what they say about me?”
“I don’t,” came the answer immediately, and the fast response took the boy aback. “If you had indeed killed someone, and your parents would have bribed the jury, they would probably not want anyone else to know about the bribery, so word wouldn’t have gotten around. Besides, you would probably not be as lifeless as you are now if you had indeed killed someone in cold blood,” you explained thoroughly, your tone almost diplomatic. Ah, now he knew who you were - not by your face but by your voice. You were the top student of the other class, and you went to English classes together. You were always the one who had to give the right answer when no one wanted to speak up.
“Why believe in my innocence when you don’t even know me?” Jinyoung protested, not letting the topic drop. He didn’t deserve to be believed, being misunderstood was his punishment for not being able to help his friend when he would have needed it. He felt like he could have a redemption only if he finished school without anyone talking to him, but instead, looking down on him, and labelling him as a murderer.
So why, why did you want to see him when he wanted to be invisible?
“I know prejudices are scarcely right, and besides… you are in my usual hideout place,” you remarked as you pointed around you. Jinyoung could have believed that the autobiography section of the school library wasn’t that frequently visited, but for you to have it as your usual hideout place meant that you must have frequented it.
Jinyoung found himself unable to say anything to that, and you took that as a sign of approval, so you lowered yourself down and sat on the ground, your back to the shelf opposite of the one Jinyoung leaned towards. You were at a decent distance from each other, but the boy still felt oddly bare given the visibility. It was as if he was afraid that you would get to know how torn and broken he was if you got any closer. Which you didn’t, thankfully.
Instead, you opened your lunch box, and took a bite from your seemingly homemade food. You stared at the books in front of you instead of looking at him, and he was both relieved and frustrated by this. All of this just for you to sit there to eat?
On the other hand, Jinyoung knew that he had no reason to question you. Not you out of all people. So he just let you have your lunch in peace while he was slipping back into his own self-destructive thoughts, glad that they didn’t change. Someone like you might have believed that he was innocent, but Jinyoung knew very well that he wasn’t. If anything, he might have been the worst of them all. Even Seunghun could forgive Yonghee after what had happened to Seunghun’s mother, but why couldn’t Jinyoung move on from that day and wish for his friend to wake up?
Because he knew very well that he would need to face him, and he wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t sure that he would ever be.
Jinyoung should have known that when you meant that the autobiography section in the school library was your hideout place, you meant that you went there frequently, but he didn’t give it too much thought. In fact, he didn’t really give anything too much thought apart from how he should have been there for Yonghee, and how much he wished he could have turned back time to make everything right.
On the other hand, you did come back day after day, and the boy didn’t have the heart to send you away, nor did he find a different hideout place when students were all over the building and the schoolyards during lunch break, so there was nowhere else to hide. Here though, no one bothered you. To be precise, Jinyoung was bothered by your presence at first, but since you didn’t push him for answers, you just greeted him when he showed up or vice versa, and finished your lunch in silence, he couldn’t find a reason to be bothered by you. He merely didn’t understand why you weren’t bothered by him.
“Why don’t you eat with the others?” He found himself asking once, eyes narrowing as his eyes found yours. You blinked a few times at him as if you were surprised that he had actually asked a question from you, and gulped down your food before answering.
“I don’t have any friends, and I don’t want anyone to comment on my food. I have enough of that on school trips,” you sighed out, your voice carrying an all too familiar emotion - bitterness. Raw, deeply personal, and fragile. Bitterness wasn’t a feeling that he had been familiar with before, but now, if one emotion could embody what he was going through, it would be this one big mess of bitterness without seemingly an end in sight.
The boy assumed that you would leave it at that, but you didn’t. He found that he didn’t exactly mind.
“I have gut problems, so I need to bring my own food, but they make fun of it as if I chose to eat this way. You don’t realise how isolating it can be when you can’t eat the food that others eat, but here, no one bothers me,” you added as you looked around the huge, still shelves of books that could indeed not ask stupid questions, let alone judge her for spending her lunch break here. He could understand the sentiment well.
“That’s ridiculous,” he snorted in disbelief, but your lips trembled and sadness moved into your eyes, so he felt the need to add. “That they make fun of you for that, I mean. It’s not your fault,” he justified solemnly, and your shoulders easened as if you had been bearing a weight for so long that had just come off now.
“You’re the first person who says that at school.”
Jinyoung was about to open his mouth, but he couldn’t utter a word. It had never been him who had caught onto someone’s change in their body language or who was said to be the most empathetic. After all, if he had been, Yonghee wouldn’t have laid in a hospital bed… So for you to voice out that he was the first one who took your side, he didn’t even know if he should have protested or shared that it was only natural in his eyes.
He closed his mouth, and looked down at his own intertwined fingers - ones that pushed those away who wanted to keep him close, ones that pushed Yonghee away quite literally when he should have needed help the most. He felt himself going back into his usual spiral of destructive thoughts when your voice pulled him out.
Again.
“Where’s your lunch? Aren’t you eating?”
He was so surprised by the question that his eyebrows elevated and his eyes widened. He was sure that he seemed pretty dumbfounded because you let out a short-lived yet beautiful (thus fragile) giggle, and explained that you figured out that he was here during lunch break because he didn’t want to eat with the others. However, unlike you, he didn’t have food with him.
“I don’t feel like eating.”
“You should. You need the energy to bear all the weight of those malicious rumours,” you pointed out almost gently, giving him a small smile before turning back to your food and proceeding to eat.
You didn’t say a word afterwards, nor did he, but now he wasn’t sure whether his lack of response was because he didn’t find it in himself to tell you that he didn’t care, that he was fine, that he deserved it, that you didn’t know anything, or because he was awestruck by the fact that someone cared. That you cared whether he ate or not, whether he was affected by the malicious rumours or not.
That you cared about him in the first place.
Jinyoung wouldn’t deem it a habit, but you still came back day after day, and he did come back day after day as well, and somehow you fell into this unfamiliar rhythm of silences filled with occasional, more or less vulnerable questions, and his heart was open to answer them. Even when you inquired whether he didn’t want to fix the broken watch around his wrist and he said that it was a friend’s, so he didn’t want to, he didn’t mind telling you, and you didn’t push for more details, so he left it at that.
He didn’t admit though that the watch was Yonghee’s, and that he found it with a torn glass lens on the rooftop of the school - from where Yonghee had jumped from. He had picked it up alongside the boy’s phone, and selfishly kept the watch, so that it could remind him of the only time that mattered - of his friend’s lifespan; so that it could be a compass for him - to show where he was supposed to go; so that it could be a guide for him - to indicate what he was supposed to do, what was the right thing to do. Such as not beating up the bullies at his previous school even though he had wanted to.
You also shared how tough it was to constantly live up to the expectations of your parents, teachers and classmates, and how you were always supposed to give the right answer even if you were an outcast, even if you were ridiculed for your health problems, even if you were never enough. Hearing that, Jinyoung couldn’t help but be reminded of Yonghee (when wasn’t he reminded of his friend, honestly?), but you seemed to be floating above all the criticism well.
When he inquired how you managed, you shared that you worked with a therapist, and the boy was surprised both to hear that and to hear you admit that, yet you confessed that asking for professional help had probably been the best decision of your life. You knew either way that school would be over soon - as you were seniors -, and you hoped university would be different. Besides, you hoped that you would meet people who could understand you like you had found Jinyoung.
The boy was never one to feel touched, but when you confessed that you deemed him someone who could accept you for who you were, he felt immensely moved. He was overcome with this inward urge, this deep want to keep you safe that was just so jarring, he felt like catching his breath while only staying still. Yet, he couldn’t tell whether it was because he didn’t want history to repeat itself or because he genuinely wanted it to stay this way. He was, as always, torn, and he wasn’t sure whether he could get an answer to his turmoil of emotions.
Nevertheless, when you didn’t come to the library for a few days, Jinyoung immediately jumped to worrisome conclusions, and he even went as far as to ask from your homeroom teacher whether you were absent because of an illness or because something had happened to you. The elderly man reassured him that you caught some bug, so you would probably come back a few days later, and unbeknownst to him, he was relieved, lungs working to full capacity again, heart quitting those crazy palpitations he had while worse and worse scenarios were going through his head.
Interestingly so, the next time you met wasn’t even in the library, but at the sports day event where everyone was supposed to participate, at least as spectators, and he found you sitting alone on the bench of the grandstand, so he headed towards you.
You looked up as he approached, and there was a small smile hiding in the corner of your lips as you realised who he was. Upon the sight, he was yet again overcome by that feeling of protectiveness. He knew that just as much as he could make you smile, he could hurt you as well, and he didn’t want that, but he didn’t want to run away either. Not from you. Not from someone who didn’t push him for questions, who didn’t care that he didn’t talk a lot about his past, who didn’t care that odd rumours were spread about him.
Besides, his internal turmoil in the past few days prompted him to appreciate the time you two could spend together, and so he wanted to keep these times within an arm reach, he didn’t want them to slip through his fingers, to crush and burn, and be just a faded, bitter memory in the future of what ifs and could haves.
So he took the first step towards you, and then the next, and before he knew it, he was sitting beside you, both of you watching the currently playing students on the field.
“You didn’t come in the past few days,” he pointed out matter-of-factly while still keeping his eyes on the football match. He saw from the corner of his eyes that your shoulders tensed a bit, and you audibly took in a deep breath before answering.
“Yeah, well… I wasn’t really feeling well. The meds that I’m taking for my gut suppress not only the harmful stuff but the beneficial bacteria, so I’m more susceptible to illnesses. It’s not the first time it happened either,” you concluded a bit bitterly, and he could hear the hurt in your voice. Though you tried to mask it, though he had not always been good at picking up on the signs, he could tell that your condition bothered you - the fact that you were tending to one illness while leading the way for others.
“Are you feeling better now?” Jinyoung inquired genuinely after clearing his throat, and looked at you just in time for you to look at him. As your gazes connected, something inside of him burst, and it flew through him in waves of warm, comforting reassurance. Just the fact that you were beside him, seemingly safe and sound, lifted such a heavy weight off his shoulders, he felt like he could breathe again.
At least for the lifespan of this conversation.
“Yeah, I think so. Don’t worry.”
“I didn’t,” the boy tried to protest immediately, but you narrowed your eyes as if you were trying to decide whether to question his words or not. In the end, you did speak up.
“The homeroom teacher told me that you asked about me. He thought I was tutoring you or something like that, and that’s why you asked about me,” you replied without batting an eye, however, Jinyoung couldn’t bear to look at you anymore. Instead, he looked away, finding the currently running boys on the field much more interesting.
The truth is, the boy didn’t know why he was embarrassed about the situation. Worrying about someone after what had happened to Yonghee was still an unfamiliar feeling to him. He didn’t even know he was concerned about you until you didn’t show up at the library, but if there was one thing he had learned from the past few months behind him, it was that he couldn’t take anything for granted. Or anyone, for that matter.
“Anyways, do you want to exchange contacts? At least, I can tell you next time if something like this happens,” you suggested warily, breaking the silence that fell upon the two of you. Jinyoung slowly shifted his eyes from the field to you, but you were looking down at your intertwined fingers, your phone resting under your hands.
“Sure,” he found himself saying even though he wasn’t sure that it was him speaking. Even you were a tad bit surprised that he had given it so quickly, but either way, you exchanged contacts before you were called for a jogging race and needed to leave him behind.
Nevertheless, as you were walking down the stairs, you halted and looked back over your shoulder, directing a gentle smile in the boy’s direction. Whenever he saw you smile like that, the only thought that he had was for how long you could smile like that before he would paint it with agony and hurt, before he would ruin your blossom of affection, before he would break the heart you held out to him.
“Thank you. For worrying about me.”
Your voice broke through the overwhelming mass of his own destruction that was ready to bring him down anytime, and suddenly, in that moment, his heart whispered something else: maybe your smile was one for change, one for hope.
Jinyoung knew that they all blamed themselves for what had happened to Yonghee, and they had all changed since their friend had tried to commit suicide. Byounggon, for one, had dropped out of school altogether after he had realised that he had no power as someone who lived alone on a rooftop, abandoned by his parents, struggling to make ends meet with school and his part-time job. He had started working full-time instead. Seunghun, who had aspired to become a dancer before, had given up on dancing after he had not been able to go back to the practice room because it always reminded him of how his mother had died. He was completely lost for now. Hyunsuk, who had always tried to do well at school - to gain his parents’ love and his father’s attention who lived far away since his parents’ divorce - had started dropping in rank, even going as far as attempting to steal because he could no longer tolerate who he was, and how the supposed-to-be perfect Yoon Hyunsuk had not been able to help his friend because he had been blinded by his own suffering.
And Jinyoung, well… He had changed schools, but his guilt followed him everywhere. His parents said that they didn’t even recognise him anymore, but Jinyoung couldn’t either. Whenever he looked into the mirror, he saw his friend’s face as he had grabbed Yonghee by the collar and pushed him to the shelves, and he wished he could break the mirror, punch the glass until his knuckles bled, scream at the top of his lungs until he became speechless. The truth is, he felt like a part of him had died on the day Yonghee had jumped from the rooftop. Living was painful, but sleeping wasn’t peaceful either. He was constantly tormented by nightmares, and not even the sleeping pills could help - they helped with actually going to sleep, but not with chasing away his nightmares.
He wasn’t one to believe in miracles because he had tasted the bitterness of life, but you, you seemed to shine some light in the darkness. A kind of light that warmed him but also scared him at the same time. What if you were suffering in silence, and he wasn’t able to help? Again. What if he was to hurt you, either literally or figuratively? Again. What if he couldn’t take care of you? Again. The thought of anything happening to you made his already agonising days even more frightening. Staying away from you seemed as much of a bad idea as getting closer to you. He was truly lost in his sea of emotions, he felt like drowning.
And just when he thought that he was doing better, he realised that the hardest part was still left: letting go of the guilt when his friend’s state was still uncertain. However, if you hadn’t told him to think from Yonghee’s point of view, he would have never realised that Yonghee would want him to be happy. Yet, he had a panic attack once when you were in the library and he got a message from Seunghun saying that Yonghee’s heart had stopped for a while, but they had managed to resuscitate him. Afterwards, words just spilled out from him, and it was like an avalanche: sweeping everything up into the air, raging through slopes and destroying anything that got in its way.
Jinyoung told you that he blamed himself for everything, and that he was the reason his friend had still not woken up, and you let him speak until his mouth ran dry, until his words bled together, until his heart was finally brought out from the shadows, put in front of you to hold and decide whether to break it or tend to it.
You seemed to decide on the latter.
“It’s hard to say for sure at times like this, but usually, a decision like this is more about a handful of different things coming together at the wrong time, and consequences seeming daunting. Your friend might have also wanted things to be different,” you mentioned tentatively after you had let him tell you whatever he wanted. He figured that you had a feeling that if you interrupted him, you would hold him back from sharing the whole story, and he was sure that it could have gone down that way because he wasn’t one to talk about his emotions, especially not the ones regarding Yonghee.
“I don’t know…”
“He might have been happy while you had been together. It might have given him strength to hold out for so long. Something in him still wants to fight,” you reasoned gently, your words rolling off like drops of rain on a tranquil night just between fall and winter.
These were just words, mere syllables put together, but Jinyoung was struck, he felt his heart clench, his mind flooded with the memories they had made in the movie club, flashbacks of Yonghee smiling, the twinkling eyes of the boy, the childish giggle of his… and in that moment, Jinyoung realised that his mind was clouded by all the pain of the past few months, and he couldn’t see the joy, the care, the happiness before… It was as if everything else had been erased from his life apart from his wrongdoings and the events that followed Yonghee’s fall.
And in that moment, he found himself collapsing like pillars of a building that gave in to the massive weight on top of them, and cries broke out of him. Ugly, raw, heart-wrenching sobs that you didn’t try to muffle, you didn’t try to calm down, you merely let him like it all out.
And for that, he would always be thankful because he felt like he had been holding out for so long, he had tried to keep it all together before because he couldn’t crumble, he couldn’t cause more pain to others around him, but maybe it wasn’t about being a burden to others, it was about being human.
After so long without being in the same room together that was not the hospital ward, the four boys got together to read Yonghee’s letter, back at the music club of their old school. To be precise, Jinyoung and Byounggon’s old school. And you were right, Yonghee confessed in his letter that the only happy times he had were the ones he had with the four of them. Damn it, you were right.
No wonder tears were shed, words were exchanged, and after watching the movie they had worked on together, Jinyoung felt like something mended. It was as if with Yonghee’s fall, they had all fallen apart like broken pieces of a vase because there wasn’t a glue anymore that held them together - there wasn’t Yonghee there to keep them together. Yet, now they were together like this again. For a while after what felt like eternity, they were themselves again. It felt like maybe they forgave themselves. Not entirely but maybe forgiveness wasn’t as far as they had thought so.
And coincidentally, the next morning when Jinyoung was at school, zoning out during Maths class, he received a message in the groupchat that Yonghee had woken up. He didn’t think twice, he disregarded the exclaims of the teacher, the stares of his classmates and ran through corridors, streets, hallways, hopped on and off buses until his legs could give in and fall to the ground beside Yonghee’s bed.
Byounggon was already there, but through the waterfall of his tears, Jinyoung couldn’t see what state the boy was in, he could only see Yonghee's face breaking free from the stern lines - the ones that made him resemble a statue for so long - and his eyes - wide and bright as usually - focusing on him.
“Jinyoung…” He muttered quietly, and his voice - the one he could only listen to in videos on his phone before - seemed both familiar and brand new. He couldn’t believe his ears. His friend had not only woken up, but he also remembered him. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he added, voice raspy and words a bit uncertain, but the message was there, and if Jinyoung could fall even deeper, he would have.
“Thank you…. Thank you so… much… for coming back,” Jinyoung cried out, interrupted by his jarring sobs. Yonghee’s lips curled upwards slowly, and Jinyoung found himself smiling with him through his tears. Gosh, just how easy it was to smile again.
He didn’t know what he would have done if Yonghee’s heart had given up for good, but now, he knew that he wouldn’t take anything for granted again. Not his friend’s silent plea for help, not his parents’ support towards him, not his friends’ care, not the smiles and laughs and jokes, not the silly little nothings and the “I’ve told you so” sentences, and not you as well, not the chances he had been given to feel alive again, not the friends he had mended his relationship with again, and not the bond you two had created. He would cherish all of it as much as he could, and make sure that he would voice it out. Because he now knew that life was so precious, and despite it being hard on the living, it might have been more difficult on those who had left or chosen to leave.
Something within him gave in, and he felt like his lungs were working on full capacity, but not because he couldn’t breathe - but because he was ready to welcome more air, more life. He was coming back to life bit by bit.
A/N: If you or someone is in need, don't hesitate to reach out for help! A list of worlwide helplines can be found here.
We are never alone.
I want to clarify that I believe one could be a support to a person struggling, but it's still the person in question who has to find the will in themselves to keep going. So I purposefully didn't make it into a romance-focused story where the reader "saves" Jinyoung because Jinyoung needed to forgive himself and "save" himself, but the way the reader supported him, showed him a different way of life and put things into a different perspective helped him tremendously to deal with everything that he was going through. They both helped each other, to be precise.
In my story, I wanted Yonghee to wake up from the start, but only after the boys forgive themselves, yet in the story films, I think there might be a different ending regarding Yonghee's condition. However, we can see the boys slowly coming together and moving on in their own way, and I wanted to showcase that same kind of hopefulness by the end of the story.
I'm super proud of CIX for having such a storyline, for taking it so seriously and for showcasing all the different ways a person can deal with such things and find some salvation. Super proud of them for their acting, too!
As for my story, I know it might not be able to do the storyline justice, but I hope it could spark something in your nevertheless. Thank you so so so much for reading it!❤️
If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for CIX or for other bands, consider signing up for my taglist here.
Hope you have a lovely day/night! Take care! ❤️
#cix#cix scenarios#cix imagines#cix x reader#cix x you#jinyoung#bae jinyoung#jinyoung x reader#jinyoung x you#jinyoung scenarios#jinyoung imagines
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When Our Castle’s Fell (Vladimir x Reader)
It was routine. Every century people fought for their ranks. Fail to make a ranking and you're out.
When you're out...well it was the end of the line. This far into the war against the Volturi and the Egyptian coven being a little too close for comfort, well no one wants to be in that situation.
Vladimir was alone in his Chambers, concentration buried in theories, an attempt to anticipate the Volturi's next move. Suddenly, he was aware of a presence. "We'll win." You said softly.
"You should announce yourself. That's bad manners." Vladimir replied, continuing to focus on the parchments in front of him.
"Apologies." You said quickly, leaning off of the archway of the door and entering the room, moving to his side. "I thought it rather redundant since you'd know I was here anyway." You explained.
"Regardless, manners will take you far." He responded.
"Pardon me for prying but, is that battle plans?" You asked.
"Indeed it is." Vladimir nodded. "The Volturi rebels are gaining numbers." Vladimir pointed to a circle with symbols in the middle. "They're going east and have encountered the Egyptian coven no doubt. Stefan believed they'd be wiped out by the Egyptians yet they're still here and growing in numbers." Vladimir furrowed his brow.
"Is that us?" You pointed to the large circle covering the map.
"Yes...this is how much territory we inhabit and our numbers, a significant difference as you could probably tell."
"No." You winced at your response, looking at him almost meekly.
"You do not know how to read, do you?" Vladimir asked.
"Nor write." You added.
Vladimir rolled his eyes. "One day, you ought to learn."
"Hm...likely not enough time for that." You said quietly.
"How so?" Vladimir paused, quill hovering.
"I might not make it past noon tomorrow." You replied quietly.
A heavy silence filled the room.
"Such an attitude won't help you. You might as well take off your own head if you're going to brood." Vladimir finally said.
"I apologise." You said quietly.
"To whom? Yourself? That's the only person you're failing." Vladimir responded. "You're replaceable, it's your responsibility to remain alive and prove yourself worthy. The better fighter you are, the more you earn your eternity. Don't listen to Cyrus either. Luck will only get you so far. I don't give a damn what the fool says." Vladimir finished and you cracked a smile.
"Of course. Better safe than sorry." You agreed.
"Exactly. I don't understand why some of your peers can't do the same." 'Because I actually like listening to you talk.' You thought to yourself.
You admired Vladimir. He was a very impressive man. He caught your eye almost immediately and you were yet to look away. Although Vladimir was spoken for and you certainly weren't going to step out of line. You couldn't be sure what would have killed you first. The fury of Vladimir or the fury of his mate. Both had a frightening reputation and you didn't want to cross either of them. "Maybe so, but they certainly have more to show for your wisdom than I do." Vladimir sighed before rising to a stand.
You felt a quick but light slap to the face. You blinked cupping your face as you looked shocked by Vladimir's actions.
"That. That's your problem." He said simply.
"You struck me..." You said with disbelief. "...why?"
"That doesn't matter. Why comes later and I hardly touched you! The problem is that you didn't hit back!" Vladimir insisted.
Your expression contorted to horror. "You're my leader! I couldn't-"
"That's the problem! You care too much. You don't want to hurt anything beyond the humans you feed upon." He spoke with exasperation. "Stop caring so much! Those who attack you aren't going to care, why would you!?" He finished and you sighed with a nod. He was right. He grabbed your wrist tightly and pulled you closer to him, against his chest. "Give a damn about your survival. I'd hate to see your journey cut short because of an insufferable nobody like Roderick." Vladimir said icily.
"Ah yes, he's quite the handful." You heard another male voice and both of you turned to see Stefan leaning against the door just as you had been.
"I hope you're not giving our little friend some advantage, Vladimir." Stefan grinned. "Some will think that favouritism rumour is true." He teased. "Favouritism? Explain." Vladimir stepped back and crossed his arms.
"Rumours are going around that you favour me over most of the g-" Stefan cut you off.
"Now, now, dear. Be honest. The rumour is that he favours you over all of the guards." Stefan chuckled.
Vladimir rolled his eyes. "What childish nonsense, (Y/N), you are dismissed." He said with a flick of his wrist.
"We hope to see you victorious tomorrow, (Y/N)!" Stefan called back as you hurriedly took your leave. "Your life depends on it!" He added cheerfully before turning back to Vladimir.
Vladimir sent him a cold look in response to Stefan's smirk. "Can I help you?" "You're really going to continue hiding it aren't you?"
"You are over-stepping your bounds." Vladimir said icily. "Take caution in what you speak, such silly things to could have very severe consequences."
Stefan moved closer to Vladimir. "Calm yourself, I only referred to the soft spot you have for them."
Vladimir scoffed. "Even for that, I should have your head." Vladimir replied coldly.
"Does she know?" Stefan asked lowly.
"Who?" He asked.
"Who else? Your mate, Vladimir." Stefan replied.
Vladimir paused. "She knows enough."
"Well you both seem to be unbreakable."
"Just because we are mates doesn't mean she has to be pleased." Vladimir remarked.
"Well (Y/N) is still walking around, head intact and as clueless as ever so I'd take it as a good sign. Besides if they do lose tomorrow. Well that problem solves itself, no?" Stefan asked.
Vladimir grimaced. "Don't speak such things."
"Don't tell me you're worried for them." Stefan tilted his head.
Vladimir glared at Stefan.
"I'm not making assumptions to your expense, friend."
"I'd appreciate if you let this go." Vladimir said.
Stefan sighed. "Fine, fine." He looked at the parchments on the desk. "I still don't understand how they've gotten passed the Egyptian coven." Stefan mused. "It's clear their gathering numbers."
Vladimir crossed his arms. Although I can't help but feel the most recent change has been when..." Vladimir trailed off.
"Go on." Stefan waited intently.
"All I wonder is, what on earth did they find in England that has given them such confidence?" Vladimir finished.
Many of the coven gathered from far and wide to see the battle for ranks. All found it nothing short of entertainment to the the lowest scamper for survival as most around the world did. The less you had, the less you were worth-a dynamic that throughout history would see empires rise and fall.
There were yells of excitement and cheers as your opponent, Roderick, made quick work of you. This would be an easy fight. Of that, all were certain. Roderick had you in a headlock and tugged harshly at your hair.
"Go on! Cry for help like a helpless damsel in distress." He grinned maliciously. "Vladimir isn't going to save you. No one is going to save you."
Something about his words stuck with you, like the sensation of your gut dropping.
Vladimir's words came to mind. He said it himself, you treat everyone above yourself and don't want to hurt anyone. How many would give you the same treatment?
You had been in this coven long enough to know the answer to that is no one. Stop trying to be nice. He's going to kill you and no one is going to save you. You spent so long fighting the very instinct that would keep you alive and if you didn't let instinct take over now then you were going to die.
You kicked at the back of his knee. Roderick buckled as he hadn't expected the blow- not from you.
Vladimir leaned forward in his seat which was noticed by Stefan on the other end of the line of leaders as well as his mate beside him. She frowned slightly sharing a glance with Stefan's mate. Vladimir couldn't look away, nor could anyone else at your sudden change, the tables turned quickly.
Like something within you snapped, you didn't hesitate to attack with such speed and force that you overpowered Roderick, keeping Vladimir's training and advice at hand.
With a hiss you tore off Roderick's head, his body falling to a crumpled heap on the ground. You tossed his head to the side as you fell to your knees with relief. The under-dog victorious.
The crowd roared in excitement and cheers.
Some were stunned to silence at the unexpected victor. You looked to the leaders unease but a fire in your eyes that warned anyone about messing with you.
The leaders rose to a stand, clapping. Some like Cyrus and Stefan were smirking, others remained stone-faced but clapped regardless. Some were clearly shocked such as Vladimir and Stefan's mates who clapped.
None seemed more pleased than Vladimir. Whilst his smile wasn't as wide as others, the look in his eye was one of pride.
You lay down breathing an unneeded sigh of relief. You had earned your place and managed to stay alive in the process. For another amount of time, you wouldn't have to find out the consequences of being decapitated. It wasn't known if the end would be exile or flames devouring your body piece by piece. Like many, you hoped to never find out.
When you were dismissed from the battlegrounds you were stopped by Vladimir's mate. Perhaps fate had other plans than letting you live after all.
"You fought well." She didn't let on any emotion beyond her intense rigid stare. "In all honesty, I don't think I did. I got lucky. He didn't expect me to fight back and I can't blame him, because I didn't expect to fight back either." You replied. "Nevertheless, you were victorious and remain with us. You've proven yourself worthy to be here." She countered.
"I appreciate the kind words, my lady." You bowed your head.
"I understand your desire for my approval." She said bluntly.
That was like a kick to the gut in itself.
"You need not worry. Despite our heart's desires, you've shown great respect for me. I don't take that lightly." She folded her hands before her.
"Of course." You nodded. "I don't want any trouble and I admire your input to the coven. That comes before everything." She nodded, reaching for your shoulder and squeezing it.
"You're admirable, (Y/N). That's a divine quality to have for someone so young." "Thank you, my Lady." You bowed your head.
"Vladimir will be very proud of your improvements. She looked over your shoulder. "I believe that he's quite eager to tell you that."
You looked over your shoulder to see Vladimir approaching with a smile.
"At last! I have hope for you yet!" Vladimir clasped his hands under his chin, eyes gleaming with glee.
"Just as I was saying, Vladimir." His mate agreed with a small smile of her own. "I believe with some more training that you could climb the ranks fairly easily. Your precision you've shown today is certainly above standard for the lowest rank.”
"All in due time, my love, all in due time!" Vladimir replied.
"You have impressed us greatly on this day. I would advise you to keep this up." You nodded with a quick bow.
"Don't disappoint me." He warned you before taking his mates arm into his. "Come, we have fresh humans awaiting us." He grinned menacingly at his smirking mate.
"Farewell, (Y/N)." Vladimir's mate said as she allowed herself to be tugged by Vladimir.
All seemed as it should. All was well and then it wasn't.
The Volturi's first attack was hard hitting, the Romanian covens numbers dwindled greatly and there were even bigger losses.
Stefan was one of many leaders to lose their mates. Vladimir kept his mate close at all times, frightened of losing her too. The coven quickly worked on expanding the coven once more, covering the losses and then some.
However, time ran short.
The second Volturi attack was swift and it seemed they sought their advantage to be the element of surprise.
Fire surrounded you and climbed everything in sight, spreading quickly. Structures collapsed and war continued among the blaze.
The Volturi were stupidly brave to approach the castles walls but to everyone's horror, despite being out numbered, the Volturi were holding their own thanks to two small newborn vampires.
A boy with his hands and a girl who seemed to cause pain just by the mere glance.
The girl could buy the boy some more time and together they had brought a full army to their knees.
The others of the rebellion made quick work of the Romanians army as they simply dropped to the ground after touching a black mist coming from the boys hands. The Romanian coven had never seen such a thing and it deemed it as witchcraft. What kind of monsters were these two...?
They certainly looked very young but an age couldn't be determined. They looked like they would have been married off by now and raising young but their was something about these two vampires beyond their gifts. They looked like children themselves to an extent. They looked pleased with themselves, the blonde girl more so than the boy. He looked slightly uneasy. However, the two wouldn't go anywhere near where the fire touched. They clearly knew something about vampire life.
Like many others, you found yourself submerged in rubble.
Many were made quick work of before the could escape and what's left of the coven decided to scatter. You quickly pushed your way out of the rubble, fire crawling closer to you.
Suddenly you were grabbed and your head snapped to the one who grabbed you.
"Get up! Move now!" Vladimir barked at you, dragging you out of the rubble. The second you were stood, you fell to the ground, screaming in agony. Vladimir was stunned for a moment, confused by the action. His gaze darted in ever direction looking for a clue. He found one.
The blonde girl was a few hundred yards away, smiling at your agony. Vladimir chose not to attack, much against his instincts and instead grabbed a long plank of wood that was ablaze. He threw it towards the blonde who's expression turned to fright. She shrieked and was gone in an instant as your yells died down.
Vladimir tugged at you once again. "Come! We have to go!" He ordered.
The destination wasn't known, but the idea was to keep running until someone fell off the edge of the earth if need be. When you did stop you asked the dreaded question you didn't think you could stomach the answer. "Where's...where is everyone else?" Vladimir and Stefan turned to you sharply. "Else?" Stefan, repeated icily. "We're all that's left! There is no one else!" He bellowed, anger for the coven he lost and pain for the life he had lost too.
Your eyes widened. "No but...there has to be... it can't just be us... what about-?" You cut yourself off quickly as Vladimir leaned upon a tree.
His head lowered as he pressed his hands against the tree bark.
Some of the bark crumbled under the force of his fingers as the man was almost doubled over, his jaw tight and eyes shut. Realisation hit you hard. If Vladimir's mate wasn't with him then that likely meant she didn't make it.
You swallowed hard, your eyes darkening by the second to match theirs. Tears would have spilled if your body could produce them.
"What happened?" You mumbled brokenly.
Vladimir gripped the tree tighter before lashing out in rage and despair for his fallen mate. He punched at the tree until it toppled.
"We need to keep moving." Stefan insisted, tugging you forward. "Vladimir." Stefan demanded.
"Who the hell are those brats!?" Vladimir demanded, almost feral. "Where did they come from!? I demand to know!"
"We can't stay here!" Stefan snapped. "Tăcere!" Vladimir hissed.
"She is dead and if we don't keep moving, so are we!" Stefan argued. "If you don't move now I will rip you apart myself and we'll take the pieces with us!" He barred his teeth as the two growled.
"Please! Please, stop! We...we need to go! We can't turn on each other!" You pleaded.
The two stopped, glaring at each other.
"If not for yourself..." Stefan growled out before his hand darted out and yanked you forwards roughly. "Then do it for them. They haven't had a chance to live, do you want their death on your conscience too?"
"I will rip out your tongue!" Vladimir threatened.
"They are nothing to me!" Stefan retorted icily. "They aren't to you so if you want to keep them alive then you damn well move or rip their head off before the Volturi do it for you!"
Vladimir grew quiet, staring at you.
"Please..." You begged quietly. "...let's go."
After a moment of heavy uncomfortable silence Vladimir muttered lowly. "Nu tu...nu tu." His hand shot out, tugging you from Stefan's grip and pushing you in front of him as he turned.
"Move." He ordered quietly, when you tried to look at him.
"We're right behind you." Stefan muttered.
Tăcere - Silence
Nu tu...nu tu - Not you...not you
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Take My Hand, Wreck My Plans | t.s.h.
Pairing: Tom Holland x fem!hiking guide!reader
Synopsys: Finally free after a particularly demanding project, Tom is looking forward to enjoying a well deserved holiday of sweet idleness… until a local hiking guide catches his attention, throwing all his purposes out of the window.
Word Count: 10.277k
Warnings: English not being my first language, disgusting fluff, a pinch of angst because it’s me, shameless love at first sight, an easter egg maybe, Tom being stupid~
Group Masterlist
Tom Holland Masterlist
General Masterlist
A/n: I’m super late with this one, but here it is, my work for @tshwritersnet’s summer writing challenge! While I’m not the biggest fan of how the result turned out, I had a lot of fun writing this (what can I say? I thoroughly enjoy having my leading men, especially Tom, do foolish things in the name of love...) and I really hope you will like it! 💜 please, consider letting me know what you think, feedback is always greatly appreciated! 💜
After leaving for college, coming back here for your summer holidays had become a religion for you, and even after so many years, the Bed and Breakfast owned by your uncles still remained one of your favourite places, with a special mention to its garden: you practically considered it the ‘symbol’ of your childhood, given all the time you had spent playing in there, waiting for your parents to come home in the evening.
It wasn’t a grand or highly renowned one, but it was beautiful and the same could be said about the building itself. It was a quite ancient edifice, no one would’ve given it the light of the day on a first look, but everyone fell in love with it the second they walked through the door.
The familiar rich scent of roses and jasmine, the very same ones your aunt had planted with your help, blended perfectly with the citrus aroma of the trees thriving in the backyard. It was so intense and captivating you could smell it from the outside, your heart growing at least two sizes because of that.
You were home.
And you were in a good mood, your heart still on cloud nine after having convinced itself you had met the love of your life on that very same day. Granted, not knowing his name nor how to find him again might’ve been quite a substantial hurdle – in hindsight, getting hit by Cupid’s arrow had made you kinda stupid –, but you didn’t want to think of bad things now: this was a small place, you could get lucky again…
But you were digressing.
“Hey, old man!”, you greeted cheerfully, bursting into the hall with a toothy smile and open arms, ready to crack your poor victim uncle’s bones with one of your devastating bear hugs, just like you had done with your aunt. It was the bare minimum after not seeing them for so long.
But your excitement died as soon as you took in the scene in front of you: no less than six strangers and a blue Staffy, most certainly a family, standing right by the reception desk, each one of them interrupting their current actions to turn their heads in your direction all at once, a surprised – which was an euphemism – look on their faces.
“Oh…”, was all you could let out, your palms beginning to sweat like crazy.
They had to be a last minute arrival, and you were pretty sure they hadn’t even booked their stay, since your aunt had reassured you that you were not going to bother, since there were no planned check-ins for the rest of the day. Which was the reason behind your rather informal – now turned ridiculous – entrance…
And then, of course, there was your uncle, the only one who didn’t bat an eyelash, too happy to see the niece he loved like a daughter to care. “Kiddo!”, he exclaimed, waving his hand with enthusiasm, and you thanked your good star that he didn’t call you ‘frog’ the way he did when you were a prepubescent girl who read too many W.I.T.C.H. comics.
“Come over”, he gestured for you to get closer, then returned his attention to his guests, quickly apologising for the abrupt interruption.
They all graciously reassured him, the older man – the father, you assumed – even making a joke on how hard to deal with young adults could be. Not exactly your kind of humour, to be honest, but so be it: you weren’t in the right state of mind to pay the due amount of attention to it.
Also because, in addition to all that was going on in your mind, you had also recognized a certain face among that group.
It was the cute guy you had met at the beach only a few hours earlier, those big soft brown eyes and the cute unruly curl falling back onto his forehead forever engraved in the back of your mind making it impossible to forget about him.
To be fair, you also remembered the impressively sharp jawline and his insanely gorgeous hands, with long fingers you would’ve loved to fit a glove, but those were way less romantic details to mention when ranting to your best friend about an idiotic circumstance of love at first sight, in which chatting with him for only a few minutes had felt like knowing him all your life.
Oh shit, from frying pan into the fire…
“I’m sorry…”, you gulped, quickly looking for an excuse to vanish as soon as humanly possible. You had been wishing to meet him again and that was what Fate had planned for you? You refused to believe it.
“I-I didn’t mean to interrupt, I can come back later–”
“It’s alright, dear”, the red-haired woman kindly smiled at you, and despite your previous gaffe, it was a nice gesture that didn’t appear as if she was doing it out of pity. It was a simple thing, but at least it reduced your discomfort a little.
You returned her smile, trying to figure out why she looked kinda familiar as well, even though you were pretty sure you had only met her son… in fact, all of the family (dog included, of course) was giving you that unusual vibe. The cute guy himself had given you that unusual vibe on that very same morning…
“y/n is my niece”, your uncle announced proudly, throwing an arm around your shoulders when you finally reached the desk.
You opted for a simple bow of the head as a silent way to say hello, not really wanting to worsen the situation. You had been lucky, better not to push it.
“Enjoying your holidays, young lady?”, the older man asked you and the faint hope you had of ceasing to be the object of the conversation turned to dust in front of your eyes. Because if you knew your uncle well enough…
“Not really”, he chipped in, jumping at the occasion to promote you. You loved him, you really did, and you understood he was doing it for your own good, but sometimes he really couldn’t read the room…
“Apparently, keeping her nose stuck in books for almost an entire year isn’t enough”, he continued. “She has to spend her summer getting lost in the woods.”
“I’m a hiking guide”, you rushed to explain, understanding your uncle’s intentions: he had purposely formulated a weird sentence just so that he could get you to talk and clear things up. Typical of that side of the family. “It’s my summer job.”
You were trying your best not to look directly at him, but your willpower seemed to keep failing you every once in a while: as a consequence, you didn’t miss the way his eyes went wide and his head snapped up, the curls bouncing adorably, when you mentioned your seasonal activity.
“We tried to convince her to work here with us: she’s great with clients, but it would’ve been a waste”, your uncle added, the slight regret in his tone mixing with pride. “These places need a good guide and she knows them like the back of her hand”, he announced, patting right between your shoulder blades and almost taking your breath away. For a not-so-young-anymore man, he was still quite strong.
“Authentic autochthonous blood here.”
You elbowed him in the ribs as an affectionate little revenge, your interactions with him and the surprisingly interested looks of the numerous family easing your pressure: maybe they weren’t thinking of your stupid entrance anymore.
“What can I say? I learned from the best”, you replied, not wanting to take all the credit for it, since he had literally taught you everything you knew.
“That’s music for my ears!”
Your head turned, following the direction of that voice, the movement way faster than you would’ve wanted it to be.
The guy you had met at the beach stared back at you, carelessly pushing one of his brothers aside to take a few steps forward. “I’ve literally been pestering my entire family to come here for that”, he said, the statement earning him a few perplexed blinks and tilts of the head from the rest of his family.
Not that you noticed, of course, far too gone in the hypnotizing fantasy his soothing voice elicited in your mind. Fuck, were you really that gullible?
Tom, on the other hand, noticed each single one of them.
“What?”, Harry questioned, arching an eyebrow. “Hiking?”
“Didn’t you say th–”
But Sam’s sentence was brutally cut off by an overly enthusiastic Tom. “That I’m dying to hit those paths”, the eldest declared firmly, his chirpy tone releasing a secret threatening aura in its echo. To anyone but you, of course. “I can’t wait. I love hiking!”
That wasn’t a lie: Tom loved being active and spending time outdoors, even better if immersed in nature.
However, he had just finished working on a pretty intense project that had taken a huge physical toll on him: the role had required him to lose quite a lot of weight and to look lean, almost fragile he would have dared to say, so he had been following a strict diet and significantly reduced his gym time.
And ever since he had set foot back home, he had been pestering his entire family – that part was painfully true. Only not about hiking. Hell, he didn’t even know the place they were going to was famous for its hiking paths up until now.
The only request he had made while they were still choosing where to go, was ‘a quiet, silent, private place, so preferably a small one, thank you very much’. He had barely paid any attention to Harry’s announcement regarding having found ‘the perfect place’.
“It has mountains, and the sea, and it’s quiet and then there are hiking paths and there’s a small Bed & Breakfast that might be just right for us, though I suggest not booking in advance, so our presence there doesn’t get leaked even before we get there or some shit like that…”
Tom had mindlessly hummed his approval, then stopped listening to him after ‘quiet’, the only word he really wanted to hear, completely missing the part that would’ve caused his healthier and much more energetic self to freak out from excitement.
For the last couple of days, his favourite topic had actually been how he would’ve spent this whole vacation doing absolutely nothing, sleeping in his bed, sleeping on the sand, sleeping on pool rafts, even sleeping on the flight to get there, which of course he had done.
That was what he had been pestering his family about, because Tom craved sleep. The dark bags under his eyes, his sagging shoulders and the lack of strength in his movements could testify it.
He hadn’t even resumed working out, a well deserved period of immaculate rest being all he could think of, so it was needless to say that he wasn’t prepared to walk in the slightest, let alone to hike.
But this was Fate reaching out, serving him the perfect occasion on a silver plate and how could Tom refuse it?
The smile you gave him felt like a thousand fireflies – not butterflies, fireflies – got released in Tom’s chest, filling it with such warmth and light it almost brought tears to his eyes. He was so whipped he couldn’t even tell himself to get his shit together.
While he was struggling not to pat his own shoulder for the brilliant idea his brain had just come up with, you were undergoing a similar type of struggle, the only difference consisting in the reason moving it: you needed to be serious, to look professional and reliable, while all you wanted to do was jump up and down for the entire hall giggling like a little kid and revelling in your unexpected luck.
After that, you were no longer going to complain about Fate’s plans regarding your sentimental life.
You cleared your throat and raised your chin, taking a step towards him. “Well you’ve found the right person, Sir”, you said, holding out your hand to him, the confidence in the gesture masking the fact that you were hoping it wouldn’t get sweaty.
The cute boy from the beach – he was so pretty you might’ve believed he was a merman, your mind briefly fleeting back to that local tale about a girl finding her soulmate to be no less than the King of the Ocean – smiled back at you, reaching out and squeezing your hand with no hesitation.
“Tom”, he introduced himself. “Please, call me Tom, y/n.”
Your name on his lips, his fingers touching yours, the hint of wink he sent your way… it was too much to handle.
As soon as your hands parted, your left one came up to your lobe, pretending to fix something about your earring, while in reality, you were just playing with it. It was an old habit of yours you had never found the way to get rid off.
From the outside, it looked like nothing but a casual mannerism, but you knew it was your heart’s personal method of letting your brain know that you were fucked.
Tom, you repeated it in your mind, looking forward to whispering it in the dim-light of your bedroom, later that evening, lying on that tiny mattress with your hand right above your heart.
Tom…
You could already picture that, practically witnessing yourself connecting those letters to every fibre of the muscle, tailoring its beat to that single syllable, while surrounded by flowers scent and inebriated on the enchanting afterglow his presence had gently laid upon you like it was a golden veil.
… and okay, to be completely honest, there might have been some room left to slip three fingers into your panties.
And honestly, no one could’ve blamed you for it. Not when he was standing there, with that charming smile, those dimples and that accent and–
Wait a second.
… and that was when it clicked.
Holy fucking shit, you were talking to Tom Holland.
“This is by far the most idiotic thing you’ve ever done.”
Tom rolled his eyes at Harry’s sentence, deeply offended at his brother’s lack of faith in his brilliant strategy. “Wow, thanks for the support.”
“I beg to differ”, Sam spoke up as he lazily pushed the shopping cart to keep up with the others. Tom was the one who had dragged them there, but of course, he had to be the one doing all the work. Of course. Because his movie star brother needed to buy things, but was ‘too tired’. Of course.
“See?”, Tom gloated, satisfied that he could rub it in Harry’s face. “That’s how a supportive brother’s supposed to act!”
Too bad this time he hadn’t taken into consideration that Sam might have been his brother, but he remained Harry’s twin, after all…
“He hasn’t done it yet”, Sam pointed out. “So, I would say this is the most idiotic decision he’s ever made.”
Tom’s smirk fell from his face all at once, like the corners of his mouth had been hanging by thin threads that his brother’s betrayal had brutally cut off. The other spawn of the Devil’s silent, yet eloquent bragging gaze added insult to injury.
Yeah, those two were definitely made of the exact same wicked, dreamless, heartless substance. So much for sibling’s love and brotherhood.
“Okay, fuck off. The both of you”, he spat, turning his back to them.
“It’s not our fault you’re a div”, Harry said simply.
“That’s it”, Tom raised his voice, as if that could silence him, at least in his mind. “I’m done listening to you.”
All he got in response was a scoff and a dry: “As if you ever bothered to…”
“And look how good that turned out to be for me”, Tom quipped back. “I’m famous, rich, and hot.”
Harry rolled his eyes at him. “Don’t forget modest.”
“Keep that attitude and I’m firing you.”
“Fine”, Harry agreed smugly. “Good luck figuring out which foot goes first when walking.”
“The one that will be shoved up your ass if you don’t quit it.”
Before Harry could reply and somehow make it even worse, Sam decided that it was time to stop making fun of the idiot his brother and actually try to knock some sense into that thick head of his. “Tom”, he intervened, trying to make clear that he was abandoning every hostility. “Come on, mate, you’ve met this girl once–”
“Twice”, Tom corrected him as if he had just heard an unspeakable profanity and Sam had to fight many urges all at once: resorting to annihilating sarcasm was on top of the list, but slapping his brother senseless was a close second.
“Okay, twice, if we count this morning”, he conceded, struggling to sound and appear calm: dealing with a stupid love-sick – had he mentioned insanely stupid? – full-grown adult while coming from a family which wasn’t exactly known for being slow to anger was exhausting. And he wasn’t even the eldest.
I’m too young for this shit.
“But still”, he tried to reason with him. “Don’t you think this is a little too much?”
Tom stopped abruptly and turned around, a terrifying determination burning in his eyes. “Nothing is too much when it’s about true love.”
Like he hadn’t even heard that, Harry ignored him completely: he had already made the wise choice of no longer being involved in this. He was on vacation, too, for fuck’s sake!
Sam wasn’t of the same opinion, his jaw dropping to the floor, his heart skipping a beat and not in the good way. “Oh my–”, he wheezed, running a nervous hand through his locks and tugging at them, and regretting not joining – more like running away with – Paddy as soon as he had announced he would go to the beach. “Tom, you don’t even know her!”
That didn’t impact Tom’s judgement in the slightest, a dreamy smile making its way to his lips, something that would’ve made his entire fandom go over-the-moon crazy, but that only scared the shit out of Sam.
“I have the rest of my life to find out.”
“And what if she doesn’t like you?”, Sam argued. “You know relationship aren’t made by just one person, right? It could happen.”
A few creases formed on Tom’s forehead, his smile giving way to a focused expression, indicating that, as much as he liked basking in the fantasy of you keeping him forever, he was actually taking that hypothesis into consideration.
“Then I know I’m never gonna love again”, he concluded after a while.
No, Sam wasn’t just scared, he was horrified. He stood there, watching Tom walk away, unable to take another step, as if his soles of the shoes had been glued to the floor. Until Harry passed by him with the cart.
“That was from Big Fish”, was all his twin muttered with a shrug of his shoulders, when he looked at him in a silent cry for help. “The ‘rest of his life’ bit, I mean”, he explained. “He wants to act like this crazy-for-love hero and he’s not even original…”
Sam looked at Tom, then again back at Harry, a disheartened expression on his face. “Have you ever seen him like this?”
“Frankly, I hoped I’d never have to.”
“I’m serious”, Sam insisted. “I’m worried.”
“And I’m disgusted”, Harry said in a plain tone, picking up an item and examining it, seeming totally detached from what was going on in a way that made Sam feel torn between shock and envy.
“Right”, Tom spoke up, catching his brothers’ attention. “Here we are.”
Sam gulped, afraid to ask what ‘here’ implied, but in the end he found the courage to do it. What could be wrong in a glimpse of hope? “What are we looking for?”
“Hiking equipment.”
“I give up.”
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckingshit.
If someone had seen him – and thank God they didn’t, because it was so early that basically no one seemed to be around yet –, they would’ve thought Tom was running for his life. Which, at least in his perspective, was nothing less than the absolute truth.
He was almost going to be late. This was supposed to be the most perfect day, the date of a lifetime, the start of a completely new era and he was almost fucking going to be fucking late. Fuck.
And on top of that, Tom felt like he had never committed so many stupid mistakes one after the other. That was a new kind of sad record.
Only the night before, he was convinced he had prepared every single detail to perfection: brand new hiking shoes, comfortable clothes, sunglasses, his beloved Knockemstiff cap – for good luck –, sunscreen… still, he had somehow found the way to mess up.
The sleeping time had been so little he wondered if he had slept at all, and he was pretty sure the answer was no, since he couldn’t remember doing anything else that wasn’t daydreaming of the upcoming encounter. And of you, of course. Which, while in the moment sounded indeed very tempting, had turned out to be an unfortunate choice.
Said unfortunate choice had sent him into a spiral of desperation the second he had discovered those dark bags under his eyes: it had taken him an urgent FaceTime call with Rachael – with a lot of patience on her part, despite the ungodly hour –, almost thirty minutes and a good amount of concealer to finally stop looking like a bunch of bullies had ganged up upon him.
But as soon as he had fixed that problem, another one had come up: the time to get ready was significantly less than he had originally planned, and everything had been rushed, if not straight up forgotten.
So now he was going to face a hiking trip in the sun without a hat, sunscreen, nor glasses, having skipped breakfast, and with shoes that would’ve been the ideal, but were still in their stupid full break-in period.
The only positive thing was that his backpack was very light… the sole reason behind it being that half of the stuff that should’ve been there wasn’t.
His muscles were begging for mercy, his lungs quite not so figuratively on fire, like every breath was filling them with unbearably scorching air. But still, he didn’t slow down, pushing his body to its limit.
No. No, he couldn’t fuck this up.
Then he saw it: a cute lilac bucket hat was the first detail that brought your figure into view and his heart swelled inside his chest. You had your back turned to him, but Tom knew it was you even before he got to see your face, and not just because you had previously made plans to meet up at that time and place.
He didn’t know how to explain it, but he just knew from that small detail. Something foreign, yet inexplicably familiar – was he getting a Peter tingle in real life? Was this the sign that he had been playing Spider-Man for too long he was letting it consume his existence? –, was somehow making him aware of your presence in a way that he had never experienced before, as if you had been an extension of his soul, or more appropriately, he had been one of yours.
… or maybe he was just projecting because he was so worn out he was getting delirious. That could’ve been a valid explanation.
His crazy run gradually died out, morphing into a more relaxed walk: he had made it, he had got there on time, now he just needed to act like he had everything under control. Like he hadn’t been on the verge of a panic attack up until a few seconds earlier.
Tom quickly fished his water bottle and some tissues out of his backpack, using them to freshen up a bit before approaching you. It was hot, and he was going to get sweaty anyways, but first impressions did matter.
He ran his hand through his hair a couple of times as a final touch, then, after deciding that it could do, he inhaled deeply – he definitely needed it – and cleared his throat.
“Hey!”
You promptly turned around and if the word ‘radiant’ had been a person, your photo would’ve been slapped under the term definition on the encyclopaedia.
“Hey there!”, you waved at him, your heart bouncing happily like a kid having the time of their life on a trampoline. “You okay?”, you asked as he got closer, the slight red flush on his cheeks not going completely unnoticed by your eyes, despite the bubble pink filter clouding them.
“I’m great!”, Tom nodded as convincingly as he could – acting classes, baby – then rapidly looked for something else, a different topic to occupy your attention with. “Sorry if I kept you waiting.”
“Oh no, it’s fine”, you reassured him with a light shake of your head. “I just got here.” That one was a blatant lie, since you had arrived there almost half an hour in advance.
You wouldn’t have considered punctuality to be one of your strong suits, but anxiety usually compensated it quite well and that was exactly what had happened, with you waking up on your own thirty minutes before the alarm.
There was no need for Tom to know that, though.
“So… ready?”
“I was born ready, darling”, he confirmed, subtly waggling his unruly eyebrow at you and your stomach joined your heart on that carousel.
“Good, loving the spirit.” And loving that cute brow. “Wait…”, you paused, detecting the absence of something from his attire. “Where’s your hat?”
“My hat?”, Tom echoed you, transforming the initial gesture of touching his head into a less suspicious scratch of the back of his neck. “Oh… I didn’t bring one.”
“You wanna go back and get it? Or we can stop and buy one?”, you offered. “They sell them right–”
“No”, Tom cut you off, maybe a little more harshly than he wanted to. “Nonono, I’m good.”
“Are you sure?”, you made another attempt, not wanting to put him at risk. A hat was one of the first things you always suggested to bring and you distinctly remembered doing the same while giving him instructions. It worried you a bit that he hadn’t followed your advice. “The sun is quite strong today.”
“It’s okay, darling, really”, Tom insisted, trying to convince both you and his mind. He couldn’t have you think of him as an idiot who kept forgetting stuff right and left. Which he was, by the way, but he absolutely couldn’t let that happen. That was when he decided to go all the way with it.
“Hats have been kinda bothering me, lately.” His heart broke a little, his beloved collection of hats of any sort wincing in pain because of that betrayal. But they would have to endure it, he decided: in case the room in his heart hadn’t been enough for you, he would’ve made more in his closet.
“So, don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine.”
“Oh… okay.” You weren’t exactly persuaded, but that was your word against his, and you didn’t wanna come off as overbearing. “Well, as long as you wore sunscreen, you won’t have any problems”, you informed him, positive to have ended that exchange on a good note. “Shall we go?”
Tom remained frozen for a few seconds, his lips getting thinner and turning upwards as his mind travelled back to the brand new bottle of sunscreen sitting still unopened on his nightstand.
Then he finally snapped out of it. “Lead the way, darling.”
Surely, it couldn’t be that bad, right?
It was the absolute fucking worst and he wanted to die.
His brother’s voice kept replaying in his mind, a bunch of ‘This is suicide, and not even that figuratively’ and ‘I told you so, idiot’ fighting for dominance carrying the banner of regret and shame.
If his morning tour-the-force had been a challenge for his body – Harry had teased him about contacting Vogue and proposing a the idea of a ‘GRWM while I’m in a Rush’ video –, this hike was straight up annihilating it, to the point he started to think he would disintegrate by the end of it, turning to dust and leaving no trace behind.
Okay, maybe that was a bit too much, but he was pretty sure his feet would start bleeding anytime soon.
The only easy part about that pretence had been interacting with you: with every passing minute he felt himself falling harder and harder. From the outside, no one would’ve been able to tell that the two of you weren’t close friends, but instead two strangers spending time together (alone) only for the second time.
Chatting with you felt as natural as breathing and that did nothing but improve his first impressions, confirming you were it for him. You had to be.
And he would’ve loved to talk with you even more – he didn’t really know if that could be physically possible, but whatever –, hadn’t it been for his current shortness of breath.
Thankfully, once you reached a lovely little meadow – ‘careful, there are fairies here’ –, you proposed a water break and he gladly accepted. Playing it off as if he considered it a reasonable idea and not a desperately needed lifesaving miracle, ça va sans dire.
So you used the remaining of a fallen tree as a bench, sitting a tad closer than necessary and facing each other, Tom with his feet on each side of the trunk and you with your legs crossed.
You looked nothing short of adorable, slightly tired, but in a satisfied way and completely at ease, your inner dryad spirit thriving now that you were in your element.
“Everything good?”, you checked in on him.
Absolutely not, but you’re worth it.
“Fantastic, darling.”
And just right after he said it, his water ran out after two sips. And he cursed himself for the umpteenth time because he didn’t have a another one.
“Uhm…” You bit the inside of your cheek, internally debating whether you should say what you wanted to say or drop it, afraid he might be weirded out by it. “Y-you want some of mine?”
Tom blinked at you in total disbelief, his gaze traveling from your eyes, to the opened bottle you were shyly handing him, to your lips and starting all over again. Eyes, bottle, lips, eyes, bottle, lips, eyes, bottle, lips…
Were you aware this was an indirect kiss?
His stomach did an Olympic somersault, pushing him down a spiral he was convinced he had finally abandoned: he felt like a bloody inexperienced teenager all over again. If sharing a bottle with you had such effect on him, how could he even fathom the idea of locking lips with you?
He was full of hope and courage up until a few seconds before, but where were they now that he needed them the most? Were they going to forsake him again at the crucial moment?
Unbeknownst to him, you were freaking out just the same, if not even more, your – conveniently back to a fifteen-year-old status – mind having the time of its life on the sappiest rom-com ride you could think of.
It’s an indirect kiss, it’s an indirect kiss, holy shit it’s an indirect kiss.
A seducing little voice came up from the depths of your brain, suggesting you to just go with it, skip the indirect stage and be as direct as you could. You silenced it, heart shrinking in the process.
“I can’t”, he refused, despite every fibre in his body yearning for it. “How are you going to–”
“I’m doing fine, and we can fill them up again later”, you countered, dissipating his doubts. “There’s also a natural spring where we are going.”
Tom gulped. “A-are you sure?”
“I wouldn’t have said a thing if I wasn’t.” That sweet, kind determination and the encouraging smile you shot him destroyed all his defences, effectively making him cave. The detail that he was dying of thirst was yet another factor that played in your favour.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t even mention it.”
He brought the bottle to his lips with such reverence he could’ve been mistaken for a pilgrim drinking holy water from a sacred relic. It was strange, but also cute, the instinct of pinching his cheeks and kissing him all over his face getting harder to be fought.
To distract yourself, you took a look around like you knew precisely what to search for. In fact, you did: whenever you escorted people on that path, the meadow never failed to be one of your stops, the view from there being one of your absolute favourites.
“See that spot over there?”, you extended your arm and Tom’s eyes followed the direction of your finger pointing at the top of a hill, where the ivy-covered rests of an ancient, majestic building towered over the valley.
“Yeah.”
“It’s an old manor”, you told him, turning back towards him and dropping your hand. “Well… what remains of it. But it’s really beautiful, one of the gems of this place. There’s even an old legend about it.”
Tom tilted his head to the side, curiosity causing his eyebrows to arch and his eyes to go round.
Just like a little puppy.
“What’s it about?”, he asked, genuinely interested. During the brief time the two of you had spent together, he had discovered that he liked listening to you. More specifically, he deeply enjoyed how invested you could get when talking about something you loved.
He could only wish one day you would talk about him in the same way…
“A doomed love”, you murmured with a wistfully fond tone, as if a wave of inexplicable nostalgia was washing over you.
“Many centuries ago, that castle was built to celebrate the union of two old families through marriage”, you began your tale just the way your aunt always did. “It was a lucky match, and, most importantly, it wasn’t forced upon them, which was the exception in times like those. The families thought of it only after they noticed how fond the kids were of each other. And took the decision when they witnessed that fondness grow into love.”
Tom just nodded along, getting lost in the new memories evoked by the sound of your voice. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was the suggestion, maybe you were just particularly good at enrapturing people with your stories, but your words came to life in his mind.
You were laughing, dragging him by the hand, purple silk floating around you like you were a flower as you ran down a hall that seemed never-ending.
He begged you to slow down, and in all response you just teased him, accusing him of getting old.
Next thing he knew, he had you backed up against a wall, your hands in his hair as his lips devoured yours, only stopping to implore you to accept him as your husband.
“Promise me”, he heard himself say. “Promise me you’ll marry me.”
“I already have, My Lord”, you reminded him, bumping his nose with yours.
“Promise me again.”
“Only if you promise me first.”
“They should’ve lived there after getting married… but, right on the day of the wedding, he got called to war. Some say it was because the king wanted him dead, so that he could have his young bride all to himself. He was a disgusting little man, and it seems he did shit like that quite often.”
Your narrowed eyes and the hard line of your mouth conveyed clearly how you felt regarding that particular character – or person – and Tom couldn’t help but to agree with that sentiment, anger bubbling up in his stomach for that injustice like he had been the one wronged by that king.
He could see them clear as day: the tears staining your immaculate white dress while his own were burning in his throat…
The castle was already surrounded by soldiers who, officially, were there to escort him, but in fact, had to make sure he wouldn’t escape. And he had to leave at first light.
There was nothing the two of you could do.
“Would you run away with me?”, you sobbed.
“After the ceremony, the couple disappeared from everyone’s sight. Later that night, a maid found them, naked and cuddled up under the willow they had planted together when they were kids. They had taken those few hours for themselves, making love and exchanging wows…”
You murmured that last part like it was something dear and intimate to you and it sounded so similar to the plea you whispered in his ears.
“Please, come back to me…”
It was the first time he had touched you, and he knew all too well it was also going to be the last. Deep down, you knew, too.
“I will”, he mumbled on your lips. “I will.”
Only not in that life. It was painfully clear that he was going to meet his demise on the battlefield, and not at the hands of a feared enemy.
“It’s time to go, my love…”
“And then, he had to leave at dawn. Not even a week later, he died, after getting injured during battle.” Just like it had sent him in the past, now your voice brought Tom back to the present, pulling him away from the flash of a stabbing pain erupting in his chest, like someone had just…
“The girl refused all of the king's gifts and resisted all his lures, and eventually retired to a nunnery, where he couldn’t touch her. He broke his neck trying to climb up to her window.” You couldn’t hold back a little devilish smirk while saying that.
Tom unconsciously mirrored you: the old fucker had gotten what he deserved.
“But, even if they were miles away, they both expressed the same last wish: to be buried there under their tree, so that they could reunite in the afterlife”, you concluded.
“That’s…” Tom wanted to say something deep and meaningful, but nothing came to his mind other than a single adjective. “… sad.” He had no other way to say it, and frankly, he saw no point in forcing himself to come up with something different. Yes, it was a simple word, and it was enough.
“It is…”, you confirmed with a sigh. “There’s a silver lining to it, though.”
Tom hardly imagined how such a miserable story could have a silver lining, but that didn’t reduce his interest. And mentioning it had brought hope back into your eyes, so it had to be true.
“Legend has it that if a proposal takes place right under the willow, the wedding is gonna be an extremely happy one. Because the ghosts of the two lovers are gonna do everything in their power to protect the union they didn’t get to experience.”
That’s it, we’re definitely going there next.
“It sounds nice.” His own brain slapped the front of his head at how lame his response was. ‘Nice’. He had tried to control himself and his reactions so much it turned back against him.
Great job, Tom. Fucking great job.
“Yeah, that’s why my mom proposed to my dad there”, you confirmed, finally getting up and stretching your legs, preparing to walk again, fully reinvigorated by the hopeful ending that connected your family to that old tale.
Tom slowly felt all the blood abandoning his face: the pause had lasted so little and, by the looks of it, you seemed a bit too interested in that castle up on the hill. “And that’s where we’re going?”, he asked, trying to buy some extra time.
Had you changed your mind last minute? As much as he loved the idea of you guiding him to a super romantic place, he wasn’t entirely sure he could handle it right now.
He stood up as well, anxiously waiting for the verdict.
“Oh no”, you shook your head, the wonderful movement of your head giving Tom some life years back.
Thank God.
“We’re doing something easier today.”
Easier?, Tom thought, gaze falling to the ground as he scratched his nape. He really needed to get back on track with his training. Before his last project, he would’ve faced that path with his eyes closed.
“We’ll be back in the late afternoon, that would take the whole day and a night of camping.” As soon as the words left your mouth, you both nearly sighed in delight, the invitingly romantic scenario of sleeping next to each other under a sky full of stars slipping past your logic walls.
“But it can be our next adventure if you feel like it.”
“Are you implying you want me to propose to you, darling?”
His dashing, pearly-white smile caught you more off guard than needed: one second you were looking – more like gawking in pure adoration without an ounce of shame nor self-respect – at him, and the next one you were tripping over your own feet the way kittens did because their little legs were still too short.
Absolutely pathetic.
But Tom had no time for your self-deprecating thoughts and stupid metaphors, because the instant he saw you losing your balance, he bolted towards you – the sudden rush of adrenaline shooting through him enough to make him forget about his current suffering, at least for a few moments –, a hand encircling your arm and the other one gripping your waist, effectively stabilizing you.
You let out a gasp – whether it was for the scare, his prompt reaction, or the feeling of his big, strong hands on your skin, you thought it was less humiliating not to find out – then forced yourself to laugh to shake all of that off.
“Not my most professional moment, huh?” You spoke before he could, quickly jumping at the occasion to change the subject dominating your mind.
The ghost of his question to check if you were alright was still laying on his slightly parted lips, but you blatantly ignored it. “Guess I’m a little out of shape”, you cackled, while the embarrassment was eating you alive.
Then you realized he hadn’t let go of you yet, so you rapidly freed yourself from his hold, clearing your throat and mumbling an awkward ‘thank you’.
“Every time I return here, it takes me a couple of days to fully get back on track”, you explained, taking a couple steps back. But then you saw how that innocent joke could’ve been perceived as the truth.
“Just kidding, I promise”, you clarified. “You’re safe with me.”
You were expecting a dry remark, a polite tight-lipped smile that had the word ‘incompetent’ written all over it, or maybe even the request of going back and getting a refund… but none of that happened.
Tom lightly tilted his head to the side, his eyes watering a bit, just enough for the sunlight to make it look like they were precious obscure gems, the tenderness you met in them making you weak in the knees.
“I have no doubt I am.”
“Here we are”, you announced, turning with a joyous smile and widening your arms, proud of that place like you had been the one helping Mother Nature design it. “Amazing, isn’t it?”
You resumed your hike, both still a bit shaken by the unexpected feelings that break had carried along, but refusing to bring them up, the unspoken agreement making your shoulders lighter and your hearts heavier, granting you a short-term relief that was, by no doubt, destined to fester and degenerate into pure torment in the long run.
“Yeah…”
Amazing, indeed.
“This is where the legend wants the lovers to have shared their first kiss.”
This time, instead of Sam’s voice, Tom had Harry’s ringing in his ears: he had exposed his Big Fish quote and now – the irony – he was in a scenario that might’ve looked like it had just popped out of that film and incorporated into that wonderful panoramic spot, the daffodils spreading until the edge of the cliff, their bright colour a vivid contrast to the azure blue of the ocean.
The pics he had found online while organizing the perfect plan didn’t make it an ounce of justice. However, he had to give credit to his past self: it truly was the ideal place for a first kiss.
“Stunning.”
You giggled at his comment, and even found the courage to take his hand, guiding him towards the centre of the field.
Tom just followed your lead, adoration shining in his eyes, your fingers intertwined with his giving him a sense of completeness he hadn’t felt in a while. Maybe for literal centuries.
It might’ve sounded cheesy, but you looked like a fucking celestial vision. Tom had never been a religious zealot, and yet he could’ve sworn he had never been closer to an episode of mystical ecstasy.
“Stunning…”, he murmured breathlessly, and he wasn’t just saying it to compliment you, he truly meant it.
You stood there among golden flowers that swayed in the gentle breeze reminding him of little ladies in waiting attending to their queen. And then there was the ocean, glistening behind your lovely figure, its colour a perfect mirror of the clear sky above.
Tom could’ve sworn he had never seen anything or anyone that mesmerizing, that wild untouched scenery representing the perfect frame for the masterpiece that you were, the lilac hat making you stand out even more.
“You okay?”
It was weird: you were so close, and yet your voice sounded like it was coming from so far. But bloody hell, you were so pretty even with a concerned look on your face…
What on Earth could you be concerned about?
“Stunning…”, he repeated a third time in a faint voice, a dopey smile altering his features.
“Tom…” You let go of his hand, cupping his cheeks instead and he instantly melted into your touch.
Your heart sank to your stomach when you felt his skin burning against your palms. “I-I think you should sit down”, you stuttered, trying to think straight.
Fuck, he was not okay, how could you not have seen it?!
You grabbed him by the shoulders, needing to get a reaction out of him. “Do you want some water? I can go and get it…”, your voice broke, tears gathering in your eyes and getting caught in your lashes like pearls of dew. You were doing nothing to hold them back.
But he kept silent, his dark chocolate eyes staring at you, but slowly starting not to see you anymore.
“Tom?”
I’m back, my love…
The last thing he could register was your terrified scream of his name right before his body hit the ground like a bag of rocks.
“Tom!”
“Tom…”
“Tom? Oi, are you awake?”
Someone was shaking his shoulder, someone else was holding his hand, and he was lying on something soft that had every bone and muscle in his body sing joyous hymns.
Tom slowly blinked his eyes open, adjusting them to the light and taking in the surroundings of his room back at the B&B.
“He’s awake”, Paddy stated.
“Tom, darling”, his mother gasped, reaching out to stroke his hair. “Thank God…”
“Mom?”, he croaked out in a raspy voice. “W-where…” He knew where he was, so he probably needed to ask something different. “What…?”
“You… you fainted while you were hiking”, she informed him.
“What?”, he repeated, propping himself up on his elbows, two concerned Sam and Harry entering his field of view.
Nikki and Paddy wasted no time in helping him seat up, making sure he wouldn’t lose his balance and fixing his pillows, so that he could rest against them. His mother offered him a glass of water that he gratefully chugged down in less than five seconds. It didn’t help him much, but it was something.
Still processing what was going on – and it wasn’t easy with that pounding headache – Tom took a glance at the mirror hanging on the wall… and wished he hadn’t as soon as he did. The person staring back at him was his spitting image and at the same time, somehow appeared completely different.
The skin of his face and neck was an unhealthy shade of red, and no matter how much cream they had applied, it looked – and felt – like sandpaper, so dry that it was starting to peel on his nose. Not to mention the disastrous situation his hair was in, making him resemble an unkempt cat more than an actual human being.
Tom turned towards his family again – he could’ve sworn Paddy was there with them, but now he was nowhere to be seen… weird –, his brows furrowing interrogatively.
“H-how…?”
“Exhaustion because you were in no shape to do it?”, Sam spoke up before the others, his tone halfway between worried and mocking. “A fucked up sleep schedule you still have to fix? Sunstroke because you forgot to put a hat on and wear sunscreen, despite being pale as a ghost? I’d say you are spoiled for choice.”
Ghost…
“Where’s y/n?!”, he urged, feeling his whole body starting to tremble.
“In the hall, you moron.”, Sam scoffed. “You have her to thank for being here.”
You had saved him… at least that told him you were okay. That whatever he was going through had spared you.
“That poor girl…”, Nikki recalled, her voice laced with compassion and gratitude. “She called us and then carried you back so that your father and Harry could meet you halfway… she looked so scared.”
She carried me back?
Sam glared at Tom. “You probably gave her a belated heart attack.”
Harry couldn’t hold back a snort, managing to find humour even under such circumstances. “When they say aim for the heart…”
“You’re lucky you didn’t hit your head.”
“Is he, now? That probably could’ve made him smarter.”
“Boys, please–”
“I have to go to her!”, Tom yelled all of a sudden, breaking the calm reigning in the room.
“Fuck no, you’re not.”
“Sam!”, Nikki hissed, fearing that an aggressive approach might make her eldest son even more uncooperative. “Tom, I don’t think that’s a good idea”, she tried to be the voice of reason. “You should rest–”
“No, I have to go and see y/n–”, Tom trailed off, and with a newly found vigour that surprised him first and then all the others, he discarded the covers and jumped off the bed, not even noticing that he was barefoot.
Dodging Harry, he stumbled upon the door, grabbing – or rather throwing all of his weight – onto the handle. He was ready to bolt down the corridor on his still wobbly legs, but the sudden appearance of you, standing right there in front of him, stopped him dead in his tracks.
“H-hey…”
You looked so small, so fragile and broken he felt his soul screaming at him to wrap his arms around you, hold you tight and never let you go.
“y/n…”
“Paddy must’ve told her.”
“I was wondering where he was…”
Not again. Don’t lose her again.
Two pairs of hands grabbed him just as his legs gave way, your terrified face slipping away from his vision while he almost sank into the floor.
“Holy shit!”, you jumped, immediately moving forward to do something. “Do you guys need help?”
“We can take it”, Sam grunted, struggling to handle his deadweight of a brother as him and Harry carried him back to the bed. “No worries.”
“Yeah, it’s fine”, Harry echoed.
You fumbled restlessly with the lilac hat in your hands, finding it hard to believe them without a doubt, Tom’s limp body digging a hole in your heart.
And it was all your fault…
Nikki stood up from her chair and came to your side, touching your shoulder. “It’s alright, my child, you’ve done enough”, she tried to calm you with a motherly tone. “Did you get some rest?”, she checked, gently guiding you inside the room.
You nodded absently, your eyes fixed on Tom who was recovering from his temporary faint, focusing om what was around him for the second time in less than five minutes.
He held his breath when he saw you and realised you were there, and that you were as real as he was.
This time, you didn’t greet him, remaining still as a statue.
“Uhm…” Hadn’t he already been the same colour of a lobster, Tom was sure he would’ve blushed violently, but now he couldn’t even tell the difference depending on how hot his skin felt, since it was constantly burning the way it usually did whenever he would get a fever. For that, he wasn’t going to complain: yes, he looked hideous, but at least his embarrassment wasn’t written all over his face, for once.
Unbeknownst to the both of you, Nikki’s attentive gaze bounced back and forth between you and her son, eyes narrowing and lips pressing together to hide the hint of a smile.
Tom coyly turned to his family. “Could you guys give us a moment?”
Sam was about to question if that was appropriate, considering his state, but the silent look Nikki sent his way spoke volumes: ‘Don’t’.
So, they all nodded and quietly left the room without a protest. Only Harry felt the need to… well, be Harry.
“Don’t be fooled”, he warned you, fake-whispering. “He’s never this nice.”
Tom rolled his eyes so hard his head hurt, but chose not to comment on that, not letting his brother get to him.
“Please, have a seat”, he told you, gesturing weakly.
Much to his surprise – and he meant it in the best way possible – you made the bold decision to ignore the chair and instead sat on the bed, right next to him, your knuckles brushing against his, the soft noise amplified by the deafening silence.
You chewed down on your lip, then took a deep breath. “I know it might sound like a stupid question, but… how are you?”
“I’m good”, Tom nodded slowly, preferring to avoid any sharp movements. The effect of your presence was still stronger than his discomfort, though, a cheeky grin climbing its way up to his lips on its own account. “Not my best angle, I’m afraid, and I don’t have a lighting technician to make my face appear unbearably handsome, but I’m good.”
You didn’t laugh, your shoulders sagging and your head dropping between them.
“I don’t know how it…”, you babbled, your fingers torturing the hat. “How I couldn’t… fuck, I feel like an idiot.”
“What?” It was the third time he was asking the same question in less than five minutes: he really didn’t like that feeling. Just like he was appalled of hearing you say such things about yourself.
Why were you feeling like an idiot when he was the one who had originated that whole mess?
“I should’ve paid more attention, I should’ve noticed that something was off and that you weren’t okay.”
“I’m an actor, darling”, he sighed. “Deceiving people is in my nature.”
Oh…
So he didn’t like you.
“Yeah, and keeping them safe should be in mine”, you argued, voice breaking on the last syllable. “Fuck… I’m sorry.” A sob shook your chest and you let go of the hat to bury your face in your palms, feeling the waterworks were about to start. “I’m so fucking sorry, this was all my fault…”
“No, y/n, no!”, Tom exclaimed, reaching out and grabbing your shoulders, preventing you from standing up like he knew you were about to do. In fact, in the heat of the moment he drew you even closer. “Please, don’t say that. Don’t even think about it”, he pleaded as your front brushed against his, your breaths mixing together. “I’m the one who made a mess and pretended everything was fine, you couldn’t have known! You saved me.”
“Still…”, you stubbornly objected, your hand resting onto his chest a not so convinced attempt to tone down his sudden burst of emotion. “I should’ve–”
“No, y/n, please, listen to me.” He cupped your wet cheeks, handling your face with the same sweet care you had used towards him right before the accident.
“I wasn’t in the physical condition to go for a hike. Before I met you, my plan was to sleep throughout the entire vacation. To give you the idea, those shoes I wore were brand new… I got them right for the occasion. And this morning I skipped breakfast, I forgot to put sunscreen on and left my hat and sunglasses at the hotel and I overslept and I was running late. And I refused to buy a new hat because I didn’t want you to think I’m an idiot who keeps forgetting his own stuff… not to mention that the reason I barely slept last night is because I kept daydreaming about today and how I had to do my best to impress you… this was all my fault, not yours.”
By the time he was done with his monologue, he was out of breath and, despite not having uttered a sound, the same could be said about you.
Your parted lips slightly distracted him for a second – maybe more than a second –, but then Tom came back to his senses and did the right thing, letting go of you. He didn’t really want to, but he had to.
“You…” After his revelation, your thoughts were running wild, so fast you couldn’t keep track of them all. “… you wanted to impress me?”
“Uhm… yeah.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, then pushed his hair out of his forehead, the rebel curl falling back into place just to spite him. “I wanted to get you to say ‘Oh, I can see myself going out with him’ or some shit like that.”
“… why?”
“Because I like you”, he answered candidly, leaving your lungs yearning for air.
“What?”
“Yeah, I’ve had the biggest crush on you since we first met…”, Tom confessed, cringing immensely at having to call it a crush, but he didn’t have much choice, did he? It wasn’t like he could just go: ‘Oh yeah, our first date wasn’t even over and in my head we were already choosing the flowers for your wedding bouquet while I was getting lost in the daydream of a past life with you that would make us soulmates’… no, that wasn’t even an option.
“Not at the hotel, but–”
“At the beach”, you completed the sentence for him with a soft smile.
“You–?”
“I remember.”
He had told you he’d just got there with his family, but that he needed a moment to himself. You had offered to leave, yet he had asked you to stay.
“A-and I wanted to get to know you, but like an idiot I didn’t even ask for your name or tell you mine…”, Tom recalled, not at all proud of himself. “But then we met again and… call me stupid, but it felt like destiny. And when you mentioned you were a hiking guide, that felt even more like a sign.”
“A sign?”
“Yeah…” Tom felt like he was a kid who had just made a mess and was now accounting for it to his parents. “Think of it: you and I, on our own, walking side by side in such beautiful scenery. Spending time together, getting to know each other…” He remembered how he had described everything to his brothers within those same walls that were now witnessing his humbling defeat. “And then reaching a panoramic spot…”
… that would’ve been perfect for our first kiss.
“So, let me get this right…”, you tried to put order in your thoughts. “You did something you don’t like–”
“No wait, I do like hiking”, he rectified. “I just… wasn’t in the right shape to do it, I guess…”
“So you forced yourself to go through all that… only to spend time with me?”
“And now everything is ruined”, Tom whined pitifully. “I look hideous and in these conditions, hiking will be off-limits for me…”
He would have to give up on the haunted ruins, there was no way in the World his family was gonna let him go there or even step in that direction. It was all over.
“You know you could’ve simply asked me out, right?”
“Yeah, but now I won’t be able to join you and spend… wait, what?” He stopped, registering what you had just told him. “Wait, what?”, he repeated, incredulous. “You mean you would’ve said yes?”
“I means I would still say yes…”, you corrected his sentence, wiggling your eyebrows at him. “But for now, I think you should rest. I could show you the roses and jasmines I planted with my aunt, though, I’m very proud of them.”
He was too stunned to speak, not believing his unapologetic luck, and his jaw literally dropped.
“And you could use this.”
With his mind unable to summon a single coherent word, Tom just followed the course of your actions as you picked up your hat from your lap, smoothed its wrinkles and then placed it onto his head, leaning forward and bumping the tip of your nose with his and then even going as far as kissing it, while doing so.
“You look pretty in lilac.”
A/n: Yeah, that was sappy af and I’m not even sorry about it hehehe~ thank you for reading, love you! 💜
Taglist: @thollandsdarling @hunnybunimdun @namoreno @nocturnalms @vendettaparker @wildxwidow @mn-jun @thisisparadisemylove @belovedholland @blankspaceblankday @inthegetawaycarwithtaylah @mrparkerwillseeyounow @indouloureux @hemlockhearts @obsessed-with-a-fictional-man @melodicheauxxo @seolaseoul @peteprker @peetahpahkah @marajillana @yeetzel @brooklynscherry-z @liltimmyst @jahayla-parker @moniffazictress11 @spideysbae @vibesdontlie @raajali3
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#tom holland#tom holland fanfiction#tom holland x fem!reader#tom holland x hiking guide!reader#tshwritersnet#event:summerchallenge#tom holland angst#tom holland fluff#tom holland smut#tom holland imagine#take my hand wreak my plans
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honestly, i think cancelling yunjin is so stupid. it's one cup of starbucks.. and buying/drinking starbucks or mcdonalds or anything does not necessarily mean that the person who bought it supports israel. You call her ignorant when ur literally cancelling people over food and other stupid stuff."oh but they support israel!" let me ask you something, is boycotting actually doing something? Theres little evidence on how boycotting has affected anything, and the only thing thats happening is annoying people. I feel bad for the people, and i dont support israel, but its so fucking annoying seeing this happen. Grow up. ive literally seen ppl who supported palestine start hating this whole thing bc of the countless petty and annoying things.
i was thinking about whether i should answer this or delete this because i knew there was going to be someone who would say this exact stuff at one point after i would say i won't be writing for yunjin for now.
let's break it down :
I am NOT cancelling her, nor have i mentioned anywhere that she should be cancelled ( i think cancel culture is a whole lot of toxicity which is another topic) I am merely disappointed in her actions because she has faced this situation before and tell me one thing, if she had faced this same thing before and that time she responded accordingly ( which was deleting the post and apologising actually) would she not know how this would affect her/look abt her viewpoints? Also the fact that Jake from Enhypen ( her co-worker mind you.) apologised immediately after being called out for consuming st@rbucks on live is saying a lot too isn't it?
One starbucks...i can't even think of how stupid this statement is. She's a CELEBRITY. Her influence matters! Why do you think they do advertisements and shit with them?!
It's not just food! It's multinational companies directly funding these terrorist groups that commit genocides! st@rbucks and mcdon@lds are apart of these MNCS! And before you come and say the SK starbucks is not associated with the American one, they are still paying for using the brand name.
No one's claiming she's a zi0nist, but considering the fact that there's literally a hybe boycott going on rn due to them working with 🛵( a very raging zion!st who has literal proof of his support of isr@el as well as messaging pro-palestine armys is very telling) her still buying is obviously going to be showing a lot about her ignorance ???
and don't get me started on boycotting not working because if you lookup on twitter there's enough proof that these companies are pulling strings to literally gain sales that are dropping drastically!
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the main issue comes when this is turned into a fuckass fanwar instead of simply calling these idols out for consuming these products. stop defending her actions when clearly she is aware of everything going on ( she's literally the most online member in lesserafim, she has a coworker who apologised for consuming st@rbucks, there's trucks that are in front of that damn hybe building to urge them to stop working with 🛵) and the people you're talking abt hating this thing are hating it because fans like you are being so tone deaf and blindly defending these idols, turning this into fanwars!
all you had to do was search abt this instead of blindly accepting her actions but instead you choose to come into my inbox telling me to grow up.
i don't mean any malice or hate towards you, but please, look into why exactly people are calling her out, don't lose your moral sense over this. i hope you are able to see the issue soon enough. have a good day.
#[ mail 📬 ! ]#i knew this would happen#i don't care if you don't support this stance#feel free to block/unfollow#but i just have one thing to tell you#don't lose your morals#not buying is so easy#you're literally saving money#just yeah#that's all#thank you
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"Thua really said "I respect your love!" and went on to disrespect the shit out of it."
As some Twitter users pointed out, Ayan hinted at some things about Thua to his mom when they were at the cafe at a time where Thua wasn't publicly out, especially to his parents. And you can see him panic briefly and brush it off/divert the subject. Especially when he was suffering inner turmoil in regards to his stepfather telling him to he more "manly". Obviously Ayan didn't know this, but still.
He may have indirectly/subconsciously learned that it's ok to out someone if it's for the "better good", as that was the example Ayan set for Thua.
It doesn't make it any better, of course, but remember that they're highschool students (17/18 yrs old) who typically don't think before they do shit and they're not the best at empathy.
It was, essentially, a tit-for-tat situation where I truly believe Thua wasn't doing it out of malice, but just that he may have learned- or interpreted (incorrectly)- that outing someone was fine if it's for a "good cause" or if you have "good intentions".
And I'm not defending Thua, but people shouldn't view the situation from their own adult, mature point of view and pass judgment from a mature perspective when the characters are not adult or mature. And this is not negating that what Thua did was shitty, but Ayan hinting/teasing at stuff to someone's parents wasn't good either... Ayan was doing it with good intentions, but so was Thua 😬
Hi, sorry for taking a bit longer to answer. It got busy and I wanted to answer properly. So this will be a long answer.
TLDR: I mostly agree with your points. Ayan crossed the line, too, yes. But it is in no way comparable to what Thua did. They are all flawed in a way but I think that's good. It makes them real and human. Still, we should discuss their flaws.
Full and detailed answer in the following. This is obviously my opinion and interpretation of things.
I don't want to come across as haughty or anything. I fully agree with you that one shouldn't forget that these characters are teenagers and are not mature yet, so they might do foolish things. But that doesn't mean that their actions cannot or shouldn't be judged. And at the end of the day, this is still fiction... Still, considering that the show is meant as social criticism and a paint a realistic picture of what it is like to be a queer person in Thailand, discussing the show and taking the plot serious, is very much justified.
Good intention often cause quite the harm, this goes for adults as well as for teenagers.
I rewatched the scene at the coffee shop just to be sure and Ayan doesn't hint at Thua being gay at all. He didn't out Thua nor did he say: Your son feels uncomfortable around his step-dad! And still I think Ayan crossed a line to meddle in Thua's family business. In that point, I agree with you. At least, Ayan knows this himself, he says it out loud and apologises for it.
However, I cannot quite see Thua's good intentions. He wanted everyone to stop lying? For what? He wanted the curse to stop? He continued it. His motivation is a mess.
I am a teacher so I work with teenagers and I see it up close how teenagers often do things without thinking it through. For many teenagers around that age things are mostly black and white/right or wrong and they often cannot see the consequences of their actions to a larger extent. This is a simple neurological and psychological fact about how the brain and thinking develops with age. It is entirely normal - as you also said. But especially because of that it is NECESSARY to teach and educate teenagers of where the line is and what consequences follow when they cross the line. And further, more often than not, certain actions or opinions are neither right or wrong. It is difficult to grasp that different opinions both have the right to co-exist and that some questions do not have a definite answer. There are many things that exist in a grey area.
Thua considered what Akk was doing as wrong and drew the conclusion that he should face punishment for that. Lying is wrong, covering up is wrong. A wrong must be put right, so he does that by exposing everything without considering that lying isn't always bad (it really isn't, if you are a Kant follower, we can only agree to disagree on that one). He doesn't consider WHY people acted the way they did. He doesn't consider that for a long time Akk did the curse because he believed he was doing the right thing as well!
He simply considers his definition and understanding of right and wrong as the correct one without having all the facts. This is immature and age-appropriate in a way. I can forgive that.
But outing Akk and Ayan was in no way necessary for Thua's goals. It was unnecessarily cruel and served no purpose at all. I do not get why Thua should have said that. That's why I was mad. A person who suffered under homophobic bullying exposed Akk and villainised him by adding that he was in a relationship with a guy.
Thua doesn't even consider anything he has done as crossing a line neither did he apologise. He is facing no consequences for his actions so far. We have seen Akk suffer TERRIBLY under what he has done. He feels the whole weight of the curse. Thua is completely fine after having outed his closest friends publically, exposed one of his friends who will most likely lose his scholarship because of it, which means effectively ruining his life. And he is fine? Don't get me wrong. Akk has to face consequences for what he has done. But the fact that he was pressured into it has to be considered...
The beauty of it all is that the characters in this series are flawed because they're human. They feel real this way. But all the more reason to address their flaws and discuss them.
#phew that was long#sorry i feel a lot for this series and im very opinionated#the eclipse#thanks for the ask#anon#thai bl#kanthua#akkayan#ayanakk#the eclipse meta
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wishes
loki x !fem! reader
requested by: @lauralestrange7
summery: after a fight with thor, loki thinks about his first and only love. and how he wishes it would of turned out differently
The smoke and smell of blood was still lingering in the air as the avengers arrived at stark tower. All were tired, hungry, and overall fed up with the situation, but nothing else could go wrong right? Wrong. The plan was for thor to take loki back to asgard to serve his punishment by the hand of their father however due to unfortunate circumstances involving heimdall and a recent flu that had been pestering asgard for the past week, the bifrost would be out of maintenance for a while. Which unfortunately for all the avengers meant that loki would have to sty in the stark tower under extreme surveillance. Great.
A few weeks past as each avenger would take turns guarding loki, none old talk to him except for thor d even that was only to berate him. However one day, he took it a bit too far.
‘brother you have to learn, there are consequences to your actions. Your lucky that I could even convince tony to give you a room, if it was up to him and the rest of the team you would be rotting in the basement right now. You should be even more grateful that fathers punishment has been postponed, norse knows what his rage will make him do’ thor droned on.
‘not my father’ loki said, with no emotion nor interest in his voice as he flicked through the pages of his book. Thor rolled his eyes and scoffed at his brother. ‘wonder what she would think of you now, thor mumbled under his breath. Loki was suddenly very interested. ‘oh? And who might ‘she’ be dear brother’ loki dared, slowly standing, almost like a lion trying to intimidate his next meal. Thor noticed this and suddenly felt the need to challenge his brother back. ‘you know who loki. Imagine how disappointed she would be-‘ ‘i’m warning you thor..’. loki said with a dark look on his face, staring at his brother. ‘oh please lady y/n would-‘ ‘DO NOT DARE BRING HER INTO THIS’ loki roared, his voice scratched fist clenched and face wrinkled with utter rage. Silence flooded the room, the only sound being loki’s rapid heavy breathing. Thor stood in a state of shock for a second until he realised, of corse the wound was still fresh. This was the love of his brothers life. ‘i’m sorry brother, that was…low of me’ thor apologised slowly.
Lokis back a now turned to thor ‘ get out’ loki said almost brokenly. ‘loki i-‘ ‘LEAVE’ thor tried but was promptly cut off by his brother. Thor thought it bet to not make the situation escalate any further than needs be and slipped out the door silently.
Loki miserably made hs was over to his temporary bed and found tat his mind couldn’t stop racing as he stared at the ceiling. You had once been the love of his life, and on many ways still was. You were apart of the warriors and were great friends with thor as children, but even closer with his little brother loki. Most of the warriors (thor included) tended to stay clear of loki and his habits of mischief, but you found him enticing and wanted to know more about the little raven haired boy. You and him made quite the pair, he would make you laugh with his tricks on his brother and you would protect him from his brothers heavy handedness. You two had basically spent your entire childhood as best friends.
Now, in the present, loki found himself daydreaming about his fondest memory’s of you two together, much like your first kiss.
‘I hate these silly dresses’ you mumbled, trying to get the frills to go the right way so you would feel somewhat comfortable, you were used to being clothed in armour so dresses were a rare thing to wear. You were currently at a royal asgardian ball, you hadn’t wanted to come in the first place but, being a warrior of the palace, it was mandatory you do which was normally ok, the music was good and it was usually a good time when you had loki to natter with. But unfortunately for you the music just seemed too loud for your poor head to take tonight and there wasn’t a loki for the far as I could see, leaving you awkwardly standing near the dessert table. ‘having a good evening m’lady?’ a deep voice purred in your ear. Letting a sharp gasp of surprise out you spun round to glare at loki as he smugly looked at you in amusement. ‘oh? Did I scare you? I deeply apologise’ he said with not an ounce of apology in his voice. ‘dick’ you said spinning away from him with your eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. Loki suddenly got a bit concerned as well as confused, usually you would reply back with some snark comment but then would greet him with a smirk of your own, however this time was different. He then realise that of corse this party was just too much at the moment, he had to admit it was for him too that’s why he had chosen to stay in his room for the majority until his mother came to fetch him with a scolding to ‘be more social’. ‘would you like to join me on the balcony? I cant stand to be around these snobs much longer’ loki whispered as quietly has he could given that the music was still blaring strong. Realising what he was doing, your face softened in gratitude ‘norns please, If I stay here any longer my head might explode’.
And with that, you two slithered out of the grand glass doors onto a quiet balcony which aloud you to view the beautiful palace garden. Finally, you could hear yourself think. Hours seem to fly when you were in loki’s company when You two joked chatted and even gossiped about the other Warriors. But as time passed the mood seemed to shift, to loki you looked like more of a goddess than he was, the way your hair was perfectly placed, the way the moonlight shined on your face giving you an iridescent look. ‘your gorgeous’ loki whispered barely loud enough for you to hear, but you did. Your snorted as you lazy leaned your arms on the balcony ‘yeah sure ok loki whatever you say’ at first thinking he was just messing around with you as per usual but as soon as your eyes snapped to his half-lidded love filled ones you instantly knew he was dead serious.
He gently took your hands in his, soft enough so that you could pull away but it was still comforting in a way. ‘y/n no one has ever given me s much joy as you do, when im with you time just seems endless, like nothing else matters. No body can understand me like you my dear…please grant me the honour to be yours.’ loki said in the softest voice you have ever heard. And for the very first time in which you have known loki you genuinely didn’t know what to say or do. So there you stood, mouth agape and unmoving, frozen in shock. Its not like you didn’t want this, quite the opposite actually, you had been dreaming of starting a relationship with loki for years, you were honestly just too amazed that he felt the same. As the seconds felt like hours and still nothing had had been said, loki took this as a signal that you were going to reject him. ‘i’m sorry…’ he whispered pitifully as he let go of your hands and started walking towards the grand glass doors, most likely going to mope in his own self pity. Suddenly your hand shot out to grab his ‘no! erm no, wait please…’ you sputtered out desperately. Loki turned around with a glimpse of hope in his eyes ‘loki…of corse i’ll be yours you stupid snake’ you said breathily with hooded eyes and a crooked smile. Suddenly, loki grabbed you by the waist and spun you in delight, you both giggled until loki smashed his lips against yours as you both melted against each other and at that moment you wished you could just pause time. Loki gently placed you down as you both pulled apart breathlessly.
From that day on you two would do anything and everything together, you decided to try to keep it secret from his family and the warriors but eventually it was impossible not to catch on considering you were all over each other all of the time.
And it was so good, until it all went terribly wrong.
As years passed loki became more and more obsessed with his father and the thrown, you could tell he was changing and the day his father went into the odinsleep and he was given the thrown, you had had enough.
‘loki. We need to talk’ you stated sternly, but that was just a mask for how miserable you were for what you knew was about to come. ‘ah..my queen..can you believe this? All ours. All mine. Finally.’ Loki rose from his golden thrown and looked around, taking in his new found riches. ‘loki your obsessed, please…why don’t you just take a break from the thrown? We can get away from the palace for the weekend, maybe stay in a quiet cottage just to ourselves, yeah?’ you desperately tried to persuade him. However loki felt anger rising up in him ‘what? But..this was us! For you! And now what? You don’t want it? You just want me to throw this away!’ loki tried to look intimidating, but it never worked on you. You physically deflated but on some level you knew that would be his answer, and you knew what you had to do as a result. ‘loki…im sorry, but I just can’t watch you do this to yourself. If you really truly love me, ill be waiting. Goodbye loki.’ And with a heavy heart you turned around and walked out of the thrown room. you wouldn’t let him see it, you needed to be strong, but as soon as you got to your bedroom you completely collapsed and cried to your hearts content. Loki meanwhile, hid his heartbreak with anger, the tables were flipped, statues smashed and was all round chaos. Loki sat on his new found thrown plotting his next plan against hi brother to destruct himself from the urge to completely break down.
And now, loki sits sobbing into his bed wishing pleading that he could turn back and change time, that he ran to stop you, to hold you in his arms, to run away with you forever. But that will never happen. You could never want him after knowing what he’s done, what he is. ‘i’m so sorry my love..’ he whispered longingly as he drifted off from exhaustion.
Little did he know a certain asgardian warrior was praying that she would be in his arms once more.
authors note:
ahhhh my first request and fanfic! im so excited its unreal. thank you so so so much for requesting and i hope its too your expectations! i decided to add in a bit of childhood friends to lovers if you don’t mind, i’m a sucker for that trope 🤭 how you enjoyed! luv ya! 🫶
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Can I ask for some past league with 10. “I can’t lose you.” 👉👈
missing past league hours
PERCY HI IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG STUFF HAS BEEN HAPPENING I DIDNT FORGET
I could never forget past league
P.s I completely apologise in advance for tearing your heart out, I don't like it any more than you do-
"I can't lose you"
Past league universe
~~
"How long until you can make your excuses and return with us to England, petit prince? The days away get harder every time we leave you behind here with that pig who calls himself your fiancé-"
"Ah, I am not as free to go from here as some, ma chère. I would be missed."
"I will miss you if you stay here, Claude."
"Do not pout at me. You always find excuse to come back to France despite the danger. We shall not be parted long, and you know it." He seals the words with a gentle kiss on the other man's lips. "I don't know how I would live without you, Gaspard."
~~
"Please just be safe, Vic."
"I'm not incompetent, brother. Contrary to what the world believes, I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself."
"Look, I don't doubt your capabilities. Its your more... reckless tendencies that worry me. We both know that I've long thought it'll be what ruins you." Algernon sighs deeply and takes another drink of his wine. "Remind me why I allowed you talk me into letting you lead a mission and leaving me behind."
"Because you have the most wonderful wife on God's earth waiting for you across the Channel, and she'd never forgive us if we let you get yourself killed."
~~
"It's a trap," Gaspard realises, his breath catching in his throat. "We are surrounded."
"Go, Claude!" Victoria makes the command without hesitation. "Run to my brother and bring help before we are all done for!"
"I won't leave you both!"
"You must, Claude," his lover pleads. "It's the only way!"
"Don't take too long, or we'll all be for it," Victoria says grimly as he goes, drawing her sword.
~~
He arrives too late. Claude has raced to Algernon and back, barely stopping to explain or catch breath, and he's still too late.
Victoria, pale and shaking, is cradling a body.
A body that lies completely limp and unmoving.
"No!" It takes him a moment to realise that the cry is his own, his knees buckling of their own accord, leaving him to crawl, rather than walk, or even stumble, across the now blood-stained cobblestones of the Paris street. "Open your eyes, you fool," he whispers desperately. "Your tricks aren't funny. You need to wake up now-"
"Claude." He ignores Victoria, continuing his quiet pleas for Gaspard to just wake up, taking the cold hand in his own. "He loved you, Claude. He made me swear to tell you. It was what he wanted you to know, above anything else."
"He can tell me so himself! You will wake, Gaspard, you must! If I cannot beg it of you, then I will command it-"
"Claude, we need to move him." The voice comes from behind, accompanied by Algernon's hand on his shoulder.
"Please, we just need to wait, just another minute, and then he'll wake up-"
"The shot practically hit his heart." Victoria gestures vaguely, as if to emphasise the point. "Nobody could survive that."
"He could! We just need to get him help, something-"
"Its too late for that. He's gone." The tears are falling before he even registers that they're there. He can barely hold his own weight, resting his head on the fabric of Gaspard's shirt. The absence of a heatbeat is what finally breaks Claude's spirit.
"Please don't leave me," he mutters onto the blood-soaked shirt. "I can't lose you. Not now. We're supposed to- we were going to be happy, you and me, in England-"
This time, when he is coaxed away from Gaspard, he complies. Algernon starts to lift the body, but clearly struggles; he is not a particularly large man, nor a strong one, and Gaspard was usually relied upon to be the muscle of the league. Something about the sight forces Claude's body into action, and he helps Algernon to support the weight. It takes a moment for Victoria to move, her eyes scanning the red stains that almost entirely saturate the pale fabric of her breeches. She feels her brother's eyes on her as she manages to stand, even more so when her legs threaten to give way.
"Just shaken up is all," she explains for his benefit when she is fully on her feet.
Victoria doesn't tell him that the blood isn't just Gaspard's.
They've lost enough today.
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If you don’t understand why people are upset… think about something you’ve worked hard on and are proud of, then think of how you would feel if someone went “yeah, nope” then proceeded to point out things they didn’t like about it really loudly so everyone could hear. I can guarantee it would make you feel like shit and you would be upset with them.
This is why people are upset.
When you reblog, we see it and everything added.
You don’t have to say “this was terrible” to rip something apart. You don’t get to decide whether or not you’ve insulted someone and you certainly don’t get to imply nor ask if the writer is sensitive when you’re called out for your words. You take ownership of your actions and you apologise.
You clearly have a lot to learn about this platform and community but I strongly suggest you don’t reblog to remind yourself you don’t like a story.
First of all, I apologized to the writer. Second of all, people ask and I answer, simple as that. I am not blaming the reader who question me regarding my reblog, but simply saying that I have no intention of pointing out my detailed thoughts in the first place. And third, I would very much like a detailed response regarding to any of my stories, as long as they are based on facts and intend to start a peaceful conversation in the first place, even if they don't like my stories. To be honest, I would very much like to know what my story is lacking and if there's anything I can improve in the next story. Yes, I admit I am new and don't know the implied rules around here, and yes, I will keep the comments to myself when I come to a writer and a story.
And we all operate out of our experiences. I certainly don't know why I can't state the reason I don't like the story at the beginning, since it is perfectly okay back in the platform where I wrote. And if this is the implied rule of tumblr, I will accept it.
Like I said, I don't know why my actions are viewed as attacking the writer and the story, and if I knew comments of "don't like" will be viewed as insult and responded with "rude", I certainly wouldn't reblog in the first place. But thank you for your peaceful communication, I appreciate your calm and collectiveness, and your suggestion is helpful.
Hope you'll have a good day.
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i definitely agree that the portrayal of billy in some fics is not true to the character (ie. him being portrayed as some soft good person without even having character development) but i also feel that he was a deeply complex character- he had no support system at all, and recognizing the abuse (not only physically, but emotionally and verbally as well), he was in survival mode pretty much all the time- now that DOES NOT excuse his actions of cruelty on other characters- and this is not supposed to exonerate him or anything- but he didn’t really have the same understanding as we did (dramatic irony) in scenes like when he found max at the byers (and he was already revved up by Neil, and still in that toxic mindset)- again this isn’t meant to be a sympathetic pull for his actions- it’s just a seeing his perspective kinda thing… i just feel like it might not be fair to just simplify it down to him being a totally heartless villain of a person— considering that when El was able to break through to him and show at least an ounce of kindness he did fight against the mindflayer and end up dying for it, apologizing in his final breaths- also just from my perspective i don’t think Max hated him entirely- she was obviously distraught and upset when billy died, and during the sauna test scene- i think things might have become at least a little less turbulent (not perfect by ABY stretch) between seasons two and three- and she’s really affected by his death as seen in s4– idk ig where i was coming from was that maybe if he did have a sister she could at least possibly be some sort of support system for him and that might affect the fabric of his character even if just a little bit (the way he shows affection would definitely be much different than a lot of people normally do and i think he’d definitely not be like openly affectionate hardly ever) i don’t think it would change his terrible attitude, nor his initial distaste against max and susan- i just think he might have cared for a sister at least a little bit— idk im sorry for this whole essay omg 😭😭
Don’t feel like you have to apologise at all for sharing your opinion. I mean, at the end of the day, every character is gonna mean something different to people watching the show.
I genuinely don’t believe a sibling would change him but I’m no authority on any of this, I’m just basing it off experiences of my own (with a person who has a Billy personality minus the physical abuse from his parents backstory). I mean it’s not like every character I love is like wholesome and absolved of wrong doing lol, I’m not trying to say that there’s anything wrong with relating to Billy’s storyline. I’m just saying I don’t know if he would have been changed by a bio sibling.
Headcanons are brilliant cause I can say I don’t think so and you can disagree and both opinions are totally valid. (Honestly feel the same way about canon too lol).
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“Bakery literally got pissed that she started using a blanket for a back drop the way she does like bffr 😭 She finds the tiniest things to get mad about thinking everyone wants to be exactly like her”
i’m not even ashamed to post this non-anonymously because i literally haven’t done anything nor do i have anything to hide. you mustn’t have viewed my 50+ long stories about bandage last year if you think i’m mad over a simple backdrop and changing her theme? it feels like talking into an empty void of nothingness everytime i have to repeat myself. do you forget the fact bandage literally faked and edited dms about me to herself pretending i was ableist and said a slur? do you forget she never once addressed that when me and my friends had to prove she did an extremely terrible editing job on those dms? do you forget the fact she somehow found my vanilla depop that i never posted to any of my accounts and went through my likes and saved products and added them to her own depop to see what i was thinking of purchasing/saving to my cart? do you forget the fact i forgave this girl and was kind to her even after she continued to copy me and even have the audacity to dm me saying “i know you did something like this a few days ago so i hope you don’t mind me doing it too” and gave me absolutely zero credit for my idea, just a lousy dm being like “oopsie i completely copied your post but you forgave me so i guess i can now!” (sarcasm btw, but that’s what it felt like.) do you forget the fact she lied to thousands of her followers saying she “found her childhood porcelain” doll at her grandmas house that looked eerily similar to mine and then it turned out she actually bought it in goodwill??? do you forget the fact she put the items i bought in her own wishlist and later admitted publicly that she did that just to “get at me”??? the endless harassment, stalking and almost imitating my whole online existence was why i’m mad. scamming over $200+ dollars from people in the community including my friends is why i’m mad. playing victim and finding an excuse for every terrible action she does is why i’m mad. she messaged me yesterday and even admitted she took inspiration from my account, so stop defending her. fair enough if she changed since the last time i posted about her on my stories, but i am not going to sit here and let my whole personality be dictated by an anonymous loser on the blog. if you can tell me something i did that makes me so fake, bitchy or whatever else you want to call me without mentioning the bandage situation or me not wanting to see children being shared indirectly to kink account stories, then fair enough, I’ll take the hate, but i literally haven’t done anything to anyone. i can understand if you hate me for removing you during the bandage situation, but i was very distraught and anxious during that time and blocked some of my mutuals that saw the stories and still interacted with her, which i do regret as i lost a few good mutuals over that, but again i was paranoid and tired of what she was doing, I apologise. but other than that, y’all really have absolutely no reason to hate me unless you’re bandage or someone who enjoys seeing posts with minors as young as 15 being tagged to kink accounts. i am literally just here to post cute things and talk/interact with my friends. stop trying to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be upset about when it comes to bandage. i tried so hard to be her friend and forgive her both times when she apologised, because that’s all i can want to do - be friends with people and share things and just exist in a community together. and btw, i’m not admin, and anon was right, i am irish and i do live in ireland. admin posts at around 4 to 5am my time, and since she’s american i am assuming she’s around 5 to 6 hours behind me. i have to get up at 6:30am every day as i work as a support therapist for active drug users, i quite literally don’t have the time or energy to consistently post on here. no hate to admin whatsoever i think she’s a lot nicer/understanding than the previous admin.
(submitting parts of the texts bandage sent me last night, i covered names and personal information but she admitted to copying, scamming and “taking inspiration.”)
Even if the abuse is true which it could be, she still did you wrong.
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