#and to have an opportunity for either some closure on it for them or just . a chance to fuckin fix it
Note
[ b52 ] how would they describe themselves in as few words as possible? @/Toji 🤭
🐝 * ― 𝑪𝑶𝑪𝑲𝑻𝑨𝑰𝑳 𝑸𝑼𝑰𝒁. ( send one or multiple of these to learn a little more about my muse(s). )
He's the type of guy you'd have to press to do it, and if you manage to not annoy the ever living hell out of him in the process, he'd likely describe himself as a man too tired for anything, but still does shit anyway . If you do annoy him, though, he'll likely just give one-word answers : Diligent . Stubborn . Prideful . That sorta thing .
If you managed to get the real answer out of him, though, he'd describe himself as too fucked up . He's a man too fucked up who fucked up too much . He's desperate . He's remorseful . But he's also wholly selfish, and knows that what he wants he'll probably never get because of that, and of course much more . Again, he's a man who fucked up a lot .
If you really enforce limiting his words, though, and were still getting a legitimate answer, he'd just describe himself as sorry .
#mailbox : letter answered#known mailer : scintillate-stars#💔 ( blog lore )#i'd tag meta but :p#the way i tend to describe him though is a man who very much just wants his kids back in his life#and to have an opportunity for either some closure on it for them or just . a chance to fuckin fix it#it's the one damn thing in his life he wants to fix and it's the one thing in his life that has him describing himself in the ways#i answered above#the other shit he does beyond that is simply habitual and comforting because he'll only do shit he already knows#though now it's just . not at all good always but he can't help that it isn't because all the good shit he had all disappeared#at one point you might've been able to hear him describe himself as changing .#that he was a man striving for change because he found better in life#but now . well .#he's just sorry#can't exactly say that in a few words though and literally none of this answer is a few words but#i have many things to say is all (￣y~￣)╭#also none of this is at all to describe how he feels about like . everything in his life . like#he doesn't regret or feel sorry about all the shit abt gojou and getou and riko#he's family-oriented in the sense that he wants his family to actually be a damn family .#<- megs and miki i mean . since his wives are dead and there's no way in shit he's talkin' about the zen'in's ever#that's why he'd describe himself as selfish though :p he knows having a family likely isn't a reality for him now#let me stop talking though clearly i can't get prompts saying y'all want a few words AKLSDFMS#i swear i don't intentionally go against it it's just hard for me to stop myself 😭😭
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Cherry Bomb (pt. 3)
Remus Lupin x f!reader, James Potter x f!reader (mentioned), Sirius Black x f!reader (mentioned)
warnings: smut, p in v, i think it’s protected atp idk, fingering, underage smoking, very dom remus, long af but omg i’m so in love with it
summary: the last part of your plan is far harder to achieve than the first two and it’s far more complicated.
word count: 5k
a/n: ahhh here’s the last part (i think?) anyway sorry it’s long i got carried away but ugh i love remus so much. sorry if my characterization is off, ever since atyd i see him as sarcastic. yeah i love this, hope you guys do too :)
~~~
Out of all the marauders, Remus Lupin was by far the most liked. He was quiet, but not invisible. He was the most sensible out of all the boys and the most polite. Though he did tend to be witty and sarcastic, he was kind at heart. But he was also the hardest one to get close to. Quiet, reserved, beautiful Remus with his nose always stuck in a book. There was always something about him that made girls fall fast. But that was the thing. It was always so easy to fall in love with him. So, if one ever wanted to shag Remus Lupin, they would have to deal with the consequences of loving him. Because he was nothing like his mates. He didn’t shag just anyone. No. He had to choose you. And to be chosen by him was the biggest accomplishment and the biggest curse. Because once you get him, you will never want to let him go.
~~~
Avoiding two of the marauders is nearly impossible. Each corner you turn it seems you run into one of them, or both. And each time their eyes find you they show the same expressions. Confusion. Frustration. Perhaps even a bit of sadness. You debate throwing away the entire plan daily. It’s unfair, the way you’re playing with their minds. But the lingering knowledge that you’re so close to completing the plan entirely keeps you going. Because surely, all your hurt feelings can’t be for nothing.
Right?
You speak to James only once after your shag in the broom closet. It’s a week or two after, he’s been chasing you around, and you’ve been avoiding him. But you decide he deserves some amount of closure. Sweet, lovely, innocent James. You find him alone in the library and take your opportunity. The way he smiles when he sees you approaching makes your heart ache terribly and regret fills your stomach.
“Y/n I’ve been trying to catch you, how are you?” He asks once you’re close enough to hear his quiet tone.
He looks so happy, you feel sick.
“Yeah, I just you know… haven’t been feeling too great,” you lie.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Sit if you’d like, I’ve been attempting to study for the potions test. Aren’t you good with potions? Could you help me possibly?”
You inhale deeply. You could really use a cigarette right now. You’ve broken things off with guys before, but this feels different. In the other cases, you’ve had reasons. For this case though, you have none. James is innocent in all of this. It makes you nauseous.
“Listen, James,” you start, your voice soft. “What happened was great, I enjoyed it a lot, but it was a mistake. I like you, you’re very sweet, but I don’t think we should do anything else.”
Watching his face fall is by far the most horrid sight you’ve ever seen. All the happiness fades fast and leaves behind a bitter frown. He looks down at his papers, toying with his quill.
“I see…” He looks back up, a fake smile on his lips. “That’s alright, it was fun. I’m not really looking for anything serious like that either, so I understand.”
You swallow hard. “I really do like you James, believe me, but it’s just not the right time for this.”
“Don’t worry about it, it’s fine.”
“And...” You pause for a second. “You won’t tell anyone?”
He nods. “Not a soul. This will be our little secret.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course.”
“Well then, I’ll let you get back to your potions. Thanks for... everything.” You give him one last smile before turning on your heels and making your way out of the library.
You almost put an end to it right then and there, but then you see the tallest marauder walking down the hall with Peter. His hands are in his pockets, his book bag slung over one of his shoulders. For a split second his eyes meet yours as the two of you pass each other.
He gives you a small awkward smile.
Fuck.
~~~
To catch Remus Lupin alone you must take the risk of losing your house some points. You wait a week before making your move, for safety. After your conversation with James, the only marauder to pay attention to you is Sirius. He’s still set on telling everyone that the two of you shagged, but thankfully, not many people believe him. Not even his best mates.
It’s a very quiet night when you sneak out after curfew. A night you know one particular prefect is doing rounds on his own. You wander through the castle quietly, making sure to avoid the areas in which teachers lurk. Goosebumps form on your skin, you should’ve worn more than a tee-shirt and sweatpants, but you needed to look casual.
As you’re about to turn a corner, you spot Filch. Panic surfaces inside you and you quickly turn around and run as quietly as you can down the hall. You take a few turns and just as you’re about to relax, you hear a voice.
“It’s past curfew, what are you doing out here?”
Your heart stops for a completely different reason.
It’s him.
You turn to face him and shyly smile. You watch his face change as he recognizes you.
“Oh, it’s you.” He narrows his eyes. “Off to shag my mate again, are you?”
“I never shagged him,” you reply, crossing your arms over your chest. “And I’m out for a completely different reason.”
“What reason is that?”
You shrug. “Personal reason.”
“Ah well, hope it was worth losing your dear Ravenclaws ten points. Get back to your dorm before someone else catches you,” he says, turning away from you.
You watch as he walks down the hall, not giving you another thought. You would’ve replied sarcastically if you could speak for that matter. Once he disappears, all you can do is shamefully make your way back to your house's common room, now understanding why James likes being a chaser.
~~~
Some time passes before you get Remus alone. Each time you see him during the day, he’s accompanied by one of the marauders and you can’t sneak out during his rounds again because your fellow Ravenclaws were not pleased. You’re smoking behind the castle when you happen to finally catch him walking alone. You immediately take your chance.
“Lupin!” You call out to him. You get up from the bench you were sitting on and walk to him.
Thankfully, he stops walking and turns back to face you. “Y/l/n. Is there something I can help you with?”
You can tell from the tone of his voice he’s trying to be polite; it makes your insides warm.
“Yeah, actually there is. I was wondering if you could help me with my transfiguration essay. You’re the smartest lad in the year,” you answer, taking a small puff of your cigarette. You hold it up to offer him a hit, he shakes his head.
“Those things will kill you,” he says. “But I suppose I can help a bit. I assume you’re free right now?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Let me take a look.”
A smirk forms on your lips, and you let out a breath of smoke purposely into his face. “Take a girl to dinner first.”
He swats the air, fanning away the smoke. “Are you going to show me or not? I have things to take care of.”
“Sorry.” You hate the way your face burns. “Come see.”
The two of you make your way to the bench and you take out your essay. Truthfully, you are already finished with it, and you think your work is good. But much to your dismay, only a few seconds after he starts reading it, Remus takes out a muggle pen and begins crossing things off.
“What’s wrong?”
“Your spelling is shit, and you’ve contradicted your argument at least twice already and I’m only on the second paragraph,” he answers, his eyes glued to the paper. “Maybe if you spent more time studying than shagging and smoking, you’d have this information down. We reviewed it a few weeks ago.”
You scoff. “I have not been shagging.”
“Sure,” he mumbles, crossing off another sentence.
“I swear, Sirius is mistaken.” You lie.
He turns his head, his green eyes meeting yours. “Who said I was referring to Sirius?”
Your breath catches in your throat, and you cough due to the smoke. Is he talking about James? Your heart rate increases, and anxiety flows throughout your body. Did James tell? You catch your breath, your eyes meeting his again. He looks unamused.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t shagged anyone in months, not that it’s your business,” you say.
“You should really practice more on your lying; you are shit at it.” He hands your essay back to you and stands. “I left a few notes of some things you should change, but my biggest suggestion is that you reread the textbook, and perhaps find some more... enticing quotes. Is that all then? Like I said, I’ve got some other business to tend to.”
For a few seconds, all you can do is stare up at him, your mouth hung open ever so slightly. You previously thought Remus Lupin to be a timid boy who went along with the rest of the marauders because he couldn’t say no. Now though, you realize all those assumptions are wrong. He’s quiet, but not timid.
“What do you know?” You question.
“Quite a lot, thanks for the chat.”
Before you can even think of a response, he’s already walking away. You can’t let him slip away again.
“I’ll get it out of you Remus Lupin if it’s the last thing I do!”
He turns his head over his shoulder and chuckles, the sound sending warmth straight to your core. “We’ll see.”
And just like that, he’s gone, and you’re left flustered with rosy cheeks.
You did save the best for last.
~~~
Falling for the third marauder is easier than anything. Almost unconsciously, you begin to fail classes so that he can help you with work, you learn his route around the castle to see him at least once a day, and you sneak around the castle some nights, but he always ends up finding you somehow.
One night, a little over a month after you’ve started your game, something unexpected happens. You’re out after curfew once again, tiptoeing around the castle to see where the tallest prefect is when he appears from behind you. Like usual, he crosses his arms and clears his throat, making you quickly spin on your heels to face him. How does he always sneak up on you?
“How many times am I going to catch you before you start following the rules? I’m sure your fellow Ravenclaws aren’t too pleased with you,” he says. You look up at him, a genuine blush on your face. He narrows his eyes. “You want me to catch you, don’t you?”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
You look away nervously. The plan never involved gaining real feelings for any of the marauders, yet here you were. Standing in your sleepwear after curfew with your heart racing in your chest at the mere sight of one of them. Though you try to deny it, you know deep down you’re crushing hard, and you know it will only end badly.
“I uh... I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m just on a little stroll back from a smoke that’s all,” you reply after a few seconds, your hands anxiously fiddling with one another.
He rolls his eyes. “Listen, I don’t know what your objective is or has been, but whatever it is it’s not going to happen.”
“Remus I-”
“Sirius, I understand, he would sleep with the giant squid if it had tits. But James, really? He may be more of an... active person than myself but he has far more feelings than you think.” He takes a step forward; he towers over you. You swear you can’t breathe. “You may have fooled them, but you don’t fool me. I can see right through you y/l/n and you’re sick.”
You move backward; he follows each step. “You... you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I?”
Your back hits a wall, panic rises in you. Your eyes fall to his hands, and a bit of relief washes over you when you see he’s not holding his wand. But then another thought takes over. Is he going to hit you? When you look back up, he’s only inches away from you, his hazel eyes piercing down into yours. He places one of his hands on the wall next to your head. You can hear your heartbeat in your ears.
“I didn’t mean to cause any trouble, really. I’m sorry,” you mumble, your words genuine.
“So, what was your goal then? To shag all of us and take your pick of who’s best? Peter would’ve been far easier than James you know,” he replies.
“It was just a stupid idea, I don’t know. It didn’t mean anything deeper I swear.” You’re rambling now, the threat of tears evident in the burning of your eyes. You try your hardest to keep any from falling, you can’t cry in front of Remus.
He sighs. “You’re lucky Sirius is oblivious, and James is trusting. If they knew the truth, you’d have the whole school against you.”
“Wait, they don’t know?”
He rolls his eyes again. “Of course not. If they knew you’d be getting hexed almost all day every day.”
“Then how do you know?��
“I notice a lot more than people think. Did you honestly think no one saw you go up to our dorm with Sirius that night at the party? And did you honestly think none of us would notice James’s change in attitude? You think you know more than you actually do,” he explains.
For a few seconds, the two of you only stare at each other. You don’t know what to think. You should’ve known this would happen. Someone was going to catch on. You wish you had never done it. Any of it. Everything would be so much simpler if you’d simply stayed the quiet Ravenclaw girl who never interacted with the marauders. But you can’t go back, no matter how much you wish you could. You can only make it right moving forward.
“I’m sorry, truly Remus.” There’s so much more you want to say, but you can’t. You can’t fathom the words.
“If you’re truly sorry, stop. I won’t be the next pawn in your game,” he says, his voice slightly lower than before. You watch the way his eyes shift, the way he licks his lips, and moves his head down so he’s almost eye level with you. Your breath catches in your throat. “I suppose I pity you though because you and I both know this has become more than a game to you now.”
You turn your head, but he grabs your chin and forces you to look him in the eye.
“You fancy me.”
“I-”
“Don’t try to deny it. Like I said, I can see right through you.”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s over now,” you whisper, a tear nearly escaping one of your eyes.
He inhales deeply and you notice his eyes trail over your body for a moment before meeting your gaze again. “You’re right. It is over now.”
He lets go of you and backs away and for the first time since encountering him tonight, you feel like you can breathe normally. You stay on the wall, silently catching your breath as he walks further down the hall. But just before he’s about to turn a corner, he looks back at you.
“Or perhaps it’s simply my turn to play with you. Oh, and that’s twenty points from Ravenclaw. Goodnight.”
You fall asleep with his words burning in the back of your mind, and an ache between your thighs.
~~~
After that night, everything is different. You try to avoid them all and go back to the way things were before, you really do. You scribble out the page in your journal with their names, you keep your head down in the halls, and you skip the parties they host. It’s Remus who’s begun playing. Somehow, he continues knowing where you are and appears at random times. Whether you’re studying in the library, and he just so happens to need a book from that section, or you’re out by the lake with your friends and he walks by. You know it’s intentional, but it still manages to leave you hot and bothered each time.
“I thought you said the plan was off?” Your friend says one particular day when the two of you are eating lunch.
You look at her, confused. “It is.”
“Then why has Lupin been staring at you this whole meal?”
Instinctively, you look across the Great Hall and immediately catch those all-too-familiar hazel eyes. He doesn’t look away, at least, not for a moment. He stares at you with no shame, and even from the distance you can sense something different from the look in his eyes. Before you can fully figure it out though, he turns his attention back to the other three marauders.
“Did you shag him?” Your friend asks.
“No, I told you what happened,” you answer, focusing your attention back on the food on your plate. “I wish he’d stop.”
Your friend laughs. “Nah, you don’t.”
You hate how she’s right.
~~~
Nearly two months have passed when you finally confront Remus.
You’re sitting in the astronomy tower, a cigarette between your lips, and a scowl on your face. You can’t take it any longer. Wasn’t he the one who told you off? Wasn’t he the one who told you to stop the games? He was. You know it. So, why has he kept it going? He had said that it was his turn, but that was many weeks ago. How long did he plan to keep this going? You let out a cloud of smoke, frustration taking over your body at the thoughts.
“How many points shall I take off tonight? Forty? Fifty?” You feel him sit next to you, but you refuse to look at him. “You haven’t been out after dark in a while though, I’ll give you that.”
“What do you want Lupin?” You ask, annoyed.
He chuckles. “What do any of us want really?”
You look at him with a straight face, hating the way butterflies take over your stomach at the sight of him so close to you. Despite the scars on his face, you find him more beautiful than any boy. More than James, even more than Sirius. There is something so extraordinary about Remus you can’t explain. You wish it would go away.
“Why can’t you leave me alone?” You question after taking another drag from the cigarette.
“I haven’t spoken to you in over a month, I don’t know what-”
“Yes, you know what I mean.” You cut him off. You exhale your last breath of smoke and throw the cigarette off the tower. “I’m trying to leave this all in the past and move on like you said but you’ve made it quite difficult.”
“Seems you don’t like the taste of your medicine love. It’s hard, isn’t it? Trying to avoid someone when they always seem to end up exactly where you are. It gets rather annoying, doesn’t it? Especially when you secretly enjoy it,” he replies.
Your eyes meet again and that familiar trouble to breathe begins. He’s looking at you in a way you don’t know how to feel about. It’s not like Sirius’s drunken stare or James’s needy stare. No. This one, though the same lustful, is far deeper.
“Just tell me what you want Remus,” you eventually say, your voice lower than before. “What do you want?”
“I want you to get out of my head. I want to look at you and feel nothing. I want everything to go back to how it was before you decided to fuck with my friends and me,” he answers.
You swear your heart stops for a few beats. “Then let all of that happen.”
“You think I haven’t tried?”
You stay silent.
“I never wanted this, any of it.”
You look down. “I know.”
“Don’t do that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Merlin, I give up, you win y/n. You bloody win.”
You’re about to ask what he exactly means, but he acts faster. In the blink of an eye, his lips are on yours. You can’t grasp it at first. You’re kissing Remus Lupin; Remus Lupin is kissing you. The boy who unintentionally caught your heart is kissing you. It’s unbelievable, it’s undeniable, and it’s far from underrated. You don’t hesitate to kiss him back, even through your initial shock.
His hands cup your cheeks, his thumbs stroke your skin ever so gently. You wrap your arms around his neck, one of your hands toying with the hair on the back of his head. He’s a good kisser, very good. That’s why when he parts your lips, you protest.
“Why did you-”
“If we’re going to do this, you have to promise me it’s not a game anymore y/n.”
Your head is fuzzy from how intently he’s looking at you. “I promise Remus, that game has been over for a while.”
“You swear it?”
“I do. Do you?”
“Of course.” There are a few seconds of silence before he sighs, one of his fingers now playing with a piece of your hair. “We have to keep it secret.”
“I know,” you say.
He brushes the piece of hair behind your ear, the intimate gesture sending tingles throughout your body. “I don’t want it to be a quick shag either,” he adds.
“What do you want it to be then?”
The smile he gives you makes your stomach flip. “More.”
~~~
More from Remus Lupin is everything.
After that night, the two of you begin something you don’t exactly know how to name. You would call it a secret relationship, but the thought of that gives you a stomachache. The two of you don’t interact during the day, at least not where anyone else can see. He passes you in the hall as if you’re a stranger, but the second he catches you around a corner in an empty hallway he showers you with affection. And at night when the two of you sneak off, he touches you in ways you never thought possible.
He shows you so many new places in the castle you never knew of. Secret passages, secret rooms, all of it. You never question how he knows all of it, you only hold his hand tighter as he guides you. When he suggests a more secluded place to meet, you of course agree. Though, you never expect that place to be the shrieking shack.
“There’s no way you’re serious,” you say. The two of you are outside, near the Whomping Willow. You make sure to stay out of its reach. “The shrieking shack? That place is haunted, the ghosts don’t even go there because of how scary it is.”
“Obviously I’m not Sirius love, you only shagged him once,” he sarcastically replies, rolling his eyes to emphasize his joke.
“Remus.”
“The shrieking shack is not haunted, believe me, that’s only a silly rumor made so that people won’t go to it. Me, James, Sirius, and Peter go all the time. It has a bed, and given our activities I say we utilize that,” he explains.
You bite your lip. “Are you positive?”
He moves a bit closer to you and places a hand on your shoulder, leaning down so he’s at eye level with you. “You know I would never let anything hurt you, you can trust me.”
“Alright, but how are we supposed to get there so late? It’s in Hogsmeade,” you question.
He chuckles. “Haven’t you learned by now the marauders have many secret ways?”
“Yes, but we’re not in the castle right now how are we to- Remus don’t go any closer you’re going to get hurt you-” You pause, your mouth hung open as you watch the whomping willow go completely still. “How did you...”
“Secrets love, now come, it’s getting late,” he says, holding a hand out to you.
You don’t hesitate to take his hand and follow him into the tree, nothing else is said.
Surprisingly, the walk isn’t too long. It’s dark, gloomy, and a bit cold, but it’s not terrible. At the end of the tunnel, there’s a door. Something in Remus’s posture shifts, almost as if he’s anxious. You squeeze his hand to try to reassure him of whatever he needs, he gives you a smile through the dark that makes your cheeks warm.
The shrieking shack isn’t big, not at all. It’s a simple building with a few rooms and a short staircase. Remus brings the two of you to what you presume is the bedroom though the only indicator is a mattress, blanket, and pillow on the floor. There’s a small fireplace in the room as well, shockingly full of wood and some candles placed near the mattress. The entire shack is creaky and dusty, but you don’t mind. As long as there’s no ghosts, it’s perfect. Remus lets go of your hand and moves to start a fire. You sit down on the mattress and light the candles around.
“What do you guys use this place for?” You ask.
“It’s just a place we come to sometimes when we don’t want to be around other people,” he answers. His back is still turned to you, you could stare at it all day. “Sirius was the first one to discover it wasn’t haunted.”
“Oh? How did he find that out?”
“He’s always been the bravest out of us, though I think he just wanted another rule to break.”
You chuckle. “That sounds like him.”
He finally stands and turns to face you, a bright fire burning behind him. “You would know, you shagged him.”
“Oh, shut up,” you say as you slide off your shoes.
He begins to walk to you. “Can I ask you a question?”
“This context doesn’t seem good, but yes you can,” you reply.
“Be completely honest, out of the three of us, who’s the best?”
He’s standing right in front of you now. You look up at him, a coy smile on your lips, and begin to untie his shoelaces. “You are of course.”
“For some reason, I think your answer is biased,” he says with a laugh.
You trail your hands up his legs after he steps out of his sneakers, stopping once you reach his belt buckle. It quickly gets undone. “What would make you say that?”
He laughs again. “Just a hunch I guess.”
Your moment of control is taken fast when he pushes you down on the mattress, his lips attacking yours. It isn’t a lie though; he is the best. Unlike with Sirius and James, you share such deeper feelings for Remus. Each time he touches you, you practically melt into the palm of his hand. He’s caring. He’s gentle, but rough when need be. Though the two of you argue sometimes, it always is resolved with a hug, a kiss, or a shag. So, in the simplest of words, Remus Lupin is the perfect boy in every way.
All your clothes are discarded quickly, his too. He kisses you deeply as he uses his fingers on you. Sometimes you wonder where he’s learned all his skills from, but even thinking about him with another girl has started to make your stomach hurt. Instead, you focus on how good two of his fingers feel inside you. They’re so long, so slender. More than once in class you’ve been completely distracted by the sight of his hands, specifically his fingers, even more specifically when he’s wearing rings on them. They feel just as you imagine, extraordinary.
When you cum, you’re moaning a mess into his mouth, your body shaking. He milks every last bit of your orgasm out of you before stopping. You watch through heavy lids as he sucks his fingers clean of your cum, the sight makes you audibly groan.
“I need you,” you whisper, running one of your hands through his hair.
“Do you?” There’s something in the tone of his voice mixed with the way he’s looking at you that makes your heart ache in your chest.
You nod. “In so many ways Rem.”
“Promise?”
“Always.”
He moves inside you slowly at first, but he finds a decent pace after a few minutes. Because of his height, you weren’t at all surprised at the size of his cock. It’s by far the biggest you’ve ever encountered and the best. Though sometimes it leaves you sore, it always leaves you in a daze of dopamine.
Remus struggles to keep his head at your level as he fucks you. He presses soft kisses to your forehead, one of his hands intertwined with yours. You’ve never felt such intimacy in your life, it almost makes tears form in your eyes.
“Tell me you’re mine,” he says, his voice shaky. “Even if it’s not true.”
“I’m yours, Rem, completely,” you reply. His hips meet yours harder, and you moan. “All yours I’m all yours.”
Neither of you lasts much longer than that.
In the aftermath as the two of you hold each other, he rests his head on your chest. You run your fingers through his hair softly, the sound of his breathing like music to your ears. It’s at this moment you realize just how deeply you care for him. You hate what you did with that silly plan, but you don’t think you’d change it. If ending up in this moment only came from the plan, you’d do it over a million times.
“Is this real?” Remus asks after some time.
You sigh and press a kiss to the top of his head. “Yes. This is real.”
And so, it is.
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𝓐𝓭𝓿𝓲𝓬𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻
pile 1 -- > pile 2
pile 3 -- > pile 4
my masterlist<3 . paid readings
Howdy my beautiful souls✨ I'm officially back! It feels like it has been forever since I last worked on a pac for y'all! Thank you all for the messages wishing for my health, I am feeling much better. Today we will be looking into advice you need to hear! I might be a little blunt so keep that in mind. Remember to meditate, take a deep breath, and pick whatever pile calls to you the most. My readings are meant for everyone, no matter what sexuality or identity you are. Since this is a general reading, make sure to take what resonates and leave what doesn't. Credit to @chachachannah for the divider!
Pile 1
Cards: Ace of Pentacles rx, Page of Swords, The Devil, The Star, King of Wands, Seven of Cups, Two of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles
Back of the Deck: Page of Wands
There is a lot to go over here Pile 1, you may have been going through it recently or things may feel pretty chaotic for you right now. For you guys, there are somethings you may be turning a blind eye to and opportunities you haven't been taking. Right now you need to take some time to plan and TAKE ACTION! Think about what you want and what you need to do to accomplish this task. And while this is time for action, be careful not to overwhelm yourself with responsibilities, or rush into anything without properly thinking it through. You may be putting yourself down, thinking whatever you want is impossible or out of reach, it isn't. In fact, I heard it's right in front of you or hidden in plain sight. There may be negative affirmations that you are either hearing from yourself or someone else and it is only pulling you further from your goals when you listen to these words, absorb them, and view them as fact when they aren't. You need to keep in mind the power of words and how they can not only effect you, but the people around you. I heard "when you go around with a loser mentality, you are only going to get a loser result" so even in situations where you feel like you are going to lose or that something won't be successful, you need to try to think positive anyway. I know that isn't the easiest request, however, actively reminding yourself of your positive affirmations and staying determined to keep trying when things get hard can take you further than you ever thought you could go. Use your creative brain and I heard be willing to use your heart in certain situation. With the Seven of Cups, there may be a situation or even a person around you that isn't what you think. Be aware of signs that things don't entirely add up or make sense. For some of yall, this is going to be about a travel destination or someone may be offering something that isn't real. With the Devil energy, you may have an unhealthy addiction to something, for some of you I am hearing your phone or social media (who isn't now a days). You may have been consuming too much media and it is really taking a toll on you. Whatever the addiction is, this can go two way for you, you can take the proper action to help yourself or keep hurting yourself by not getting the help you need. Pile 1, you have so much potential and abundance that can be coming your way if you would just believe in yourself!
Advice Cards:
Be bold. It's time to lead forward!
Release what you do not need. Let go of some extraneous aspect of your life
It's time to challenge old beliefs!
Release all attachments that do not serve you
Complete the project or task. Something is calling for closure
Create an internal structured frame of reference and stay focused
Channeled Songs:
Pile 2
Cards: Knight of Swords, Temperance, The Empress rx, Nine of Swords rx, Knight of Wands, The Emperor, Ace of Wands rx
Back of the Deck: Ten of Wands
For my Pile 2, we need to talk about how you see yourself and your own self-confidence. I actually feel like this group is divided into two groups, some of you need to work on your confidence and how you interact with yourself. You may be putting yourself down and you need to stop it! You have wonderful energy Pile 2 and deserve love and compliments just as much as others! You just need to see what everyone else sees. You are refusing people because you may have been taught that complimenting yourself shows signs of selfishness and narcissism, something along those lines. It isn't true, you are talented and strong and deserve all the compliments and praise you receive! For the second group of you, I actually want to say to keep it up and don't give up! You may feel a little out of inspiration and creativity but you may just need time to process your thoughts and really figure out what you need to do! Stay confident and positive in your work! I heard this confidence and outgoing nature is your greatest ally. In the moments that you feel like you can't get anything right and things seem impossible, remember who you are! You are that bitch! The sky is the limit for you Pile 2. You can do it, you just need to trust in yourself, beware of last minute nerves that sneak up on you and make you doubt yourself. Also don't be afraid to take bold action and maybe even trying your hand at a leadership position, you have what it takes you just need to believe in yourself. I think that is a big message here for my Pile 2s, believing what you want is possible and just doing it. I know that sounds like a hard task but I really feel like for my Pile 2s, you guys don't even realize your potential and it almost physically hurts me. Some of yall also need to take a step away from worrying about your appearance, it is only hurting you in a really unhealthy way. My Pile 2s are so beautiful inside and out and shouldn't forget that. You may need to work more on your divine masculine energy, regardless of your gender. (There is a little similar energy to Pile 1 so if you felt called, please do read Pile 1)
Advice Cards:
It is time to take appropriate action
A rite of passage allows you to move forward into new realms
Weigh your situation carefully
Give yourself your own approval
Create a plan and take the first step
Give up resistance in your current situation
Channled Songs:
Pile 3
Cards: King of Swords rx, Nine of Cups rx, Page of Wands rx, Nine of Wands, Two of Swords rx, King of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Eight of Wands rx
Back of the Deck: Five of Wands
I think for my Pile 3's, you need to stop being so strict on yourself, I am also hearing that you need to surrender to something. There may an event or situation that you have been avoiding for a long time now and spirit is saying that it's time to face this and accept the result. This may be something that you feel pushes you farther from your goals or you are just afraid of the unknown of the situation, something along these lines. I am hearing that even if the situation seems like it is bound to end badly, the result isn't going to be as bad as you think, it may even end with a pretty good result! I am also getting that for some of you, you are going to or are currently facing a tough decision that is making you stressed and anxious, especially if this decision feels really important, I think spirit wants you to follow your heart with this decision. With the King of Swords, I feel like following what seems logical in this may have a more harmful result then you would have liked. But also remember that you have time, with this decision but also just in general. There is time, life feels like it moves very fast but it may help you to take some time to slow down. I am feeling a breeze and I'm seeing you in nature, feeling a nice breeze blow through your hair. You may want to connect with nature more, I am hearing for some of you, you may just need to take a little walk. I feel like for my pile 3's, you may want to be more generous with yourself. If there is something you have been thinking about buying, buy it. If you have something you've felt would be selfish of you, be a little selfish. I think you need to spoil yourself a little more. I am hearing especially going into this new year. Life is too short not to take some risks is what I am hearing. I'm also hearing some of you need to be a little more delusional lmao. Some of yall should listen to some subliminals, this might be a little helpful in some of your situations. I also want my Pile 3s to beware of conflicts with others, I am hearing some of you could be nicer to the people around you or that you may need to work on admitting when you are in the wrong.
Advice Cards:
Control is an illusion. Surrender and allow the Universe to guide you
Align your body, mind, and spirit with your heart
Create a plan and take the first step
It's time to realize the blueprint of your soul
Be aware of your inner messages
Be adventurous. It's time to go for it!
Channeled Songs:
Pile 4
Cards: Page of Swords, Four of Pentacles, The Chariot, The Hanged Man rx, Knight of Swords, Justice rx, Nine of Swords rx, King of Swords
Back of the Deck: Nine of Cups
There is a lot of swords energy for this pile! The swords has a lot to do with communication and possible conflicts in that. I think for a good amount of this pile, you guys need to work on how you communicate but mostly with how you communicate with yourself. I feel like you guys may be putting yourself down and saying things to yourself that aren't even true, and some of you even know that they aren't true. You guys need to realize that you are stopping yourself from achieving things, I don't care how many excuses you may have. Some of yall are manifesting and trying to say all the positive affirmations to bring the things you want to life, however you are forgetting that positive affirmations are only a part of manifestation. One of the most important parts is to actually put in the work to get the things you want. The things you want aren't just going to fall into your lap, you need to push yourself and try new things to get what you want, even if it seems scary at first. Like, I feel like you guys may be telling yourself things to delay taking action on your passions and it's not bringing you any closer to your goals. Which is sad because we have the Nine of Cups at the back of the deck, your dreams are a reality and can come true! For some of you I feel like it won't even be that far from you but you are delaying it! I can see the visual of you feeling like you have chains attached to your legs, these chains representing your past, family, doubts, all of it, they feel so heavy and scary. But what you don't realize is that these chains aren't holding you down at all, you have the power to push through and move forward. I am also getting for some of yall, you may have just went through a bad breakup or ended some sort of relationship, take it how it resonates. But I feel like a lot of you are holding onto this person and want some sort of closure from them, and spirit is saying that there just isn't going to be some closure, at least on their end. Sometimes we meet people, and they break our hearts and some people don't have the emotional maturity to deal with it in the rights ways and that person isn't you. It can feel empty and sad not to get closure on some relationships but what's stronger and harder is to know to walk away when things are getting bad. There will be people that come into your life that will treat you better, that person just wasn't that person. You guys need to remember that you are smart and wise and soooo powerful!
Advice Cards:
Hold your life from a sacred viewpoint. Witness the universal picture
The issue at hand is about reflection. What is the mirror showing you?
Put your tasks and goals in order
Something you've planted is coming to harvest. Results are forthcoming!
Boldly imagine what you can do and be
You are ready to receive your fortune. Be miracle minded!
Bring something new into your life!
Channeled Songs:
Thanks for tuning in₊‧.°.⋆🫧•˚₊‧⋆.
#tarot#tarot reading#pac tarot#pick a pile#pac reading#pick a card reading#tarot reader#spotify#pick a photo#general tarot reading#advice tarot reading#pac tarot reading#Spotify#advice#divination#free tarot reading#tarot card reading#free tarot#tarot readings#tarotblr
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A Peep Into the New Year: 2024 Pick a Pile
Disclaimer: Happy New Year! We’re looking at something to reflect on from the closed year, experiences you may have this year, and a theme for 2024. The experiences are not necessarily in chronological order! Tarot readings are not replacements for professional advice. I’m reading what I see and feel in the current energy, which can change. Your thoughts, energy, and actions are what creates destiny, not the reading!
pile 1⛧pile 2⛧pile 3
pile 4⛧pile 5⛧pile 6
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Pile 1:
Something to Reflect On [Nine of Swords rx, Keeping Up]: hello pile one! You guys really struggled with mental health or neurodivergence last year or for a few years leading up to this year. You may have adopted a defeatist attitude or found it incredibly hard to progress in life. Day to day tasks to take care of yourself may have been difficult. Reflect on the ways you have faced this challenge, even when it seemed impossible. Some of this pile has overcome this. For example, if you had depression, you may no longer be depressed (or it’s not as severe). Others of you are still fighting, but you’ve still exerted a great effort to keep afloat and face anxieties. You should pat yourselves on the back for the ways you’ve advanced—the ways you’ve kept yourself alive even when it was hard. There is a forward momentum you’re carrying into the new year, and it was created with much effort.
A Peep into the New Year…
You guys will be presented with something from the past, and you will have to choose whether to invest your energy into it. This could be people, past situations you never got closure on, environments, and especially habits. The main thing about this opportunity is that it seems like you guys’ first thought will be to jump back into it. Maybe it “feels” right so you don’t think about it much, or you’re so used to doing it that you just go right along with it the second you get the chance. This situation seems very interesting from your perspective; there’s a strong pull towards it. The cards are not really indicating that this is a definite good or bad thing, it seems neutral or like it can go either way. The card to especially focus on is “impulsiveness.” Regardless of whether this is good or bad, make sure to think about your actions before agreeing to anything (Tiwaz emphasizes making sound decisions). Reflect on ingrained habits and thought patterns that you feed into without a second thought. Impulsiveness can also refer to the nature of the situation; an opportunity may come out of nowhere. How we invest our energy determines who we are and how we grow. We are more likely to remain in old mindsets when we constantly give energy to what has already ended, and only you can decide what from your past belongs in the future. [Impulsiveness (Mars in Aries, 1st house), Curiouser and Curiouser, the World rx, Uncertainty rx, Tiwaz rune]
For some time , you may find yourself absorbed in spirituality or developing new beliefs (for many of you this has already started). This seems like a positive change, however it may take up a lot of your time. You may use your inner or spiritual world as an escape; many of you feel dependent or stifled in a situation. You are being encouraged to dream big (for physical reality too), and use this time to thoroughly plan for life and yourself. Make sure there is a balance between being absorbed in your inner world, and sometimes coming out of that shell to make your dreams real. At some point in this journey you may feel very restless, and that can prompt some of the impulsive behavior mentioned above. Don’t judge yourself for moving too “slowly” or having big dreams, but still make an honest effort towards balancing those dreams/beliefs with reality. You’re also encouraged to maintain balance in how this plays out in your relationships. Don’t despair if someone doesn’t understand you, but also don’t take someone’s word as gospel just because you feel an affinity with them. [Vision (Sun in Pisces, 12th house), Use Your Time Well rx, nine of pentacles sideways, Justice]
There’s a lot of hope and knowledge surrounding you this year. You’ll be interested in making dreams reality and will want to pursue something new for yourself. I say “for yourself” as there’s an emphasis on this being centered around you. You may approach things with the best-case scenario in mind; this will serve you well. There’s opportunity to be recognized as an individual or for something you do, or this is a hope of yours. There may be interest in physically going somewhere to seize this opportunity (more so farther destinations or longer trips). You will be geared towards learning new things (especially in higher ed or a similar place), working towards recognition of your skills, or starting a personal project. If there are issues at home, I see you or your relatives remaining positive in the face of this adversity (this may also be a familial opportunity, or a family member might receive public attention). You may feel a little lost [in the sauce]. If you’ve delved into spirituality, you might feel disconnected or unsure of your new beliefs. This could be a period where you have to focus on your own ingenuity, wits, and can-do rather than giving it all to your belief system. This can also apply to family. There may be decreased communication with them, or someone moving away. However confusing, this is a more fortunate period of the year. [Optimism (Moon in Sagittarius, 9th house), the Moon, Nature Communication rx, Publicity (Jupiter in Leo, 5th house)]
Overall Theme for the New Year [the Empress, Defense (Mars in Taurus, 2nd house]: the year is going to put you in situations where you’ll have to sit in your confidence and inner security—or develop this—especially to hone impulse control. There are tangible blessings to experience, but you may find yourself being questioned or challenged by those around you, and you yourself may feel antsy to get what you want right away. Rely on your endurance and resilience to get through uncertainties or challenges as you go towards your goals.
The Empress dons her armor with her few loyal knights by her side. Though she is under siege, she rides into battle smiling. Victory is obviously in her hand. After many bloody hours, the sun sets on the quieted field. The Empress stands tall on her hill, ever smiling, ever the empress, barely scathed. The sun glints off her helmet as it settles beneath the horizon.
Possible examples (but not limited to…): an ex contacting you or trying to rekindle, old friends wanting to hang out, going back to places you used to frequent, snooping on or investigating someone’s social media, someone from the past starting an argument or pettiness against you, sudden travel opportunity (especially for school), living with parents or a partner, wanting to move out, pressure to get a job, spiritual scammers/predatory spiritual teachers, family strife, getting accepted into a program, publishing art or research, seeking a career in the arts/academia/spirituality, a new spiritual practice or a leap in pre-existing abilities (especially divination and clairvoyance), meditating frequently, interpreting dreams or lucid dreaming, family on the news, building your portfolio or resume
Extra Details: a change in sleep patterns (going both ways, some could be sleeping less due to increased energy and some of you are finally resting more after a period of poor sleep), mental hospitals, marine biology, Jupiter or Mars as a very prominent planet in the natal or 2023/24 solar return chart, bright colored eyes, high hopes, charm casting, spiritual businesses, loves cartoons or wants to be an animator, brothers, the Star may be a significant card for you or both 2023 + 2024 may be very healing years, moving to a coastal/lakeside area (or wanting to), 12th house profection yr
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Pile 2:
Something to Reflect On [Acquisition (Sun in Taurus, 2nd house), the Star]: hi pile two! You can reflect on how your relationship to the physical world has changed. It seems finances or another form of physical comfort was a big focus last year. You’ve either made big strides in these areas or you’ve done healing work on your mindset (for example, focusing on gratitude and optimism about what you have and want). This could refer to your body as well, if you’ve healed or learned better ways to cope with a condition. Or, it could refer to how you physically relate to others, in any kind of affectionate relationship. Now’s a time to see how changes in your outlook have granted you comfort and opportunity, and congratulate yourselves for any big gains. Many of you have sacrificed other parts of your life for this, and now it’s time to focus on how you can increase wellbeing in all areas instead of just the physical.
A Peep into the New Year…:
Some of the year will be particularly good for work or school. You will naturally excel in these or things will flow more smoothly. Especially if you have to pay attention to a lot of details, or if you provide a service to others. However, you may feel disconnected from your environment. For many of you, this refers to the natural environment, but it could also refer to the world or other environments you frequent. This will be a natural byproduct of whatever you’re pursuing at the time (school/work/etc). You could feel trapped or restless, possibly wanting to quit. If this is referring to the world at large, you may feel guilty or defeatist, like no humanitarian or environmental efforts you do will ever be enough. It’s important to take care of your mental health—much of this is from anxiety rather than reflecting the world around you. Bringing something natural into your home/workplace could be beneficial (plants, stones, seashells etc), as well as decorating with things from home if you feel homesick. You may enjoy gardening (especially veggies). Find parks or natural areas where you are, or spend time intentionally finding things you like about your surroundings. If you feel stuck at home rather than away from it, any small thing to change your scenery could help (going outside more, switching your lounging area, etc). Some of you may feel disappointed if you can’t make a long trip somewhere, but consider if a short trip is possible. If you feel humanitarian guilt, volunteering with an immediate, tangible effect can be encouraging (litter cleanup/soup kitchens etc). [Discrimination (Venus in Virgo, 6th house), Nature Communication rx, the Wheel of Fortune, Eight of Swords]
You guys are giving imposter syndrome. You may be in a learning environment where you feel like you don’t belong. You’ll go through the motions and try to adapt through every situation. You might feel like you have to keep your wits about you or always be prepared to say the “right” thing to keep up an image. This can make you feel out of control. But, you’re supposed to be learning; you’re not supposed to know everything. Allow yourself space to grow and make mistakes; don’t depend on someone else to give that or take it away. Feeling anxious or uneasy during a learning curve is natural and doesn't mean you’re a fraud or bad person. Most everyone experiences this. Establish a sense of inner security, or take time to remind yourself of things you’ve aced. For a lot of you, this may be about intimacy; you may feel nervous about navigating closeness with another. You may be more likely to notice everything you’re doing wrong or feel awkward about your performance in the relationship. Communicate with your partner! With the Influence card, your words may come across particularly sweet or sensical during this time, so don’t be afraid to talk about how you feel (whether with a partner, coworkers, teachers, peers, etc). You can learn much from others. [Bluff (Jupiter in Gemini, 3rd house), the Emperor rx, Kenaz, Influence (Mercury in Libra, 7th house)]
Finally, I see this pile going through an extremely transformative period. This seems to not be from anything directly identifiable; you may not be able to place where this transformation started or what spurred it. This is likely an internal change (that’s not to say external ones won’t also occur, but the cards are pointing to your inner world). You might wake up one day and realize you’re very different, or that you’re changing but don’t know why. This transformation could be centered around your beliefs or self concept. For example, you may feel like you’re stepping into your power, or like you’ve remembered who you and the people around you are. For those that believe in past lives, you may remember a pattern that’s played out in other lives, or you may remember someone in this life has been with you in another. For many of you this could be influenced by a relationship, but mostly, this is about some change of power within you. The cards are neutral; this can play out in any way. Because of the “manipulation” card, it’s important to make sure that others are not taking away your freedoms and that you’re maintaining a sense of authority over yourself. You may not notice a change at first, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take control of the transformation once you do see it. [Manipulation (Jupiter in Scorpio, 8th house), Choices rx, Eight of Wands sideways, Past Lives/(the Moon)]
Overall Theme for the New Year [Status (Jupiter in Taurus, 2nd house), ten of swords rx]: if last year was focused on material security then I see this continuing in the upcoming year. Either way, the year will bring attention to your physical world and the blessings it has to offer. You will not only be focused on security, but also be prompted to enjoy what you have already created, especially if you began projects, jobs, studies, or other ambitions last year. You may find more comfort in material things than usual, such as a lot of shopping or eating new foods (it may be easy to overindulge!). Many of you are on the younger side getting your first “real” or serious job, so this may be excitement caused by a stable source of income. There is recognition for what you tangibly contribute to your environment. You will be valued in the groups you’re in or will feel empowered to find such a space. If your job or studies involve a lot of verbal speaking (such as public speaking, pitching ideas), this in particular could be very beneficial or encouraged (this makes some of you anxious, it’s ok!). However, this extends to all forms of communication. If you are in a committed relationship, your partner may also experience similar blessings. Make sure to clearly communicate with them and keep an eye on power dynamics in the relationship. This year will prompt you to re-evaluate what you’ve carried from your past, though I feel this is the distant past. Like mindsets you started developing in childhood, but this can extend to past lives if you believe in them.
The monarchs stand on the balcony of their castle. On one side they can see a vast green hill rolling towards the woods. On the other side, their small but stunning kingdom. Their hearts swell, because they have built this kingdom with their own two hands. They have helped put the people’s homes together, they have farmed food themselves. It has not always been easy to safeguard a kingdom against the shifting forces of nature, but they’ve done it. Dawn illuminates the fruit of their labor.
Possible examples (but not limited to…): missing your hometown, living in an urban area/spending all day indoors and wishing to be in nature, troubles going back home (for example, wanting to go back but your family telling you to keep at it), living on your own for the first time (especially at a distance from family, some are wanting to study abroad), volunteering, mutual aid, community work, humanitarian jobs (non-profit?), crystals (some of you do a spiritual practice with crystals at night?), feeling uncertain about beliefs, working on a team or group project, relationship or work anxiety, a “frog in pot” situation (a situation that degrades so slowly that you don’t notice), recognition in school or work, changing your self beliefs & self concept, a change to self esteem, past life memories/spiritual work, working on relationship confidence, developing parts of yourself you’ve neglected (especially anything set aside while working on physical security), big life events that are outside your control but have a direct impact on you, career/academic advancement/promotion, internships, a work crush or relationship from a job (careful lol), or a relationship with someone you once worked with, visiting loved ones at work, nostalgia or deja-vu
Extra Details: basketball, football, STEM or business (for STEM i’m getting technology or tech-business), family home is two stories and/or on a property with a large yard/backyard, recognizing people from past lives, fairytale love, Mercury as a prominent planet in your profection year or solar return, a romantic or intimate relationship carrying over from this year to the next, manifestation/law of assumption, friend or partner who works as an artist, some of you like the little mermaid or mermaid stories (or you feel like Ariel), a partner in a noticeably higher position/financial status than you and may live with them (you guys in particular should pay attention to power dynamics)—yall please LEAVE if somebody “decides” you should not talk to or go out with your friends & family (even if those people are bothersome to you that’s YOUR decision to make)
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Pile 3:
Something to Reflect On [Investigate, Justice sideways]: hello pile three! You are being called to evaluate how you allocate your energy. Most of this pile puts a ton of energy into specific tasks to the point where they don’t have a lot left for themselves or other areas. Specifically, I am getting most of you may be taken advantage of by the people in your life, and that this isn’t something you readily notice. This varies per individual. People might ask a lot of favors from you, and because you think it’s your duty or obligation, you always fulfill them. Maybe this is a family member who expects you to always be there to do certain tasks no matter what you have going on (a lot of you seem to have a really stern guardian figure). This could be a partner who places a lot of emotional or domestic burdens on you. It could be a workplace. Whatever the situation, the main message here is to think about it, but then reflect on it again. I think a lot of you aren’t as critical of this behavior as you could be, which is why you have to really evaluate if the ways you spend energy are detrimental to other areas of life. As Justice is sideways, some of you are not necessarily in such a situation, but now is a good time for you to evaluate how balanced you really are. Either way, you are also being prompted to really think about what you’re going to do if adjustments are needed; don’t fly off the handle or impulsively react.
A very specific message is some of you may be victims of shady or criminal behavior (already happened). I’m not getting anything huge, but you’re asked to really find the facts of the situation and not blindly accept convenient stories. Some of you may live with others and may have noticed a lot of your items or money going missing? I don’t usually write out the phrases on the oracle cards, but yours says: “look closely, ask questions, think before acting.” Some of you may be part of ongoing investigations, in which case this is referring to that.
A Peep into the New Year…:
There is a mental transformation, almost an awakening of sorts. This will be a development of your inner guidance, intuition, or sense. You will be pushed to see that you can in fact trust yourself, and that you have enough wisdom (or the capacity to develop it) to navigate life with your own will. The imagery on the cards with your rune suggests an integration. I feel this part of your mind has always been present, however you may be the kind of person to frequently second guess yourself or to think your own ideas/advice inferior to others (or perhaps others have tried to mentally dominate you and replace your ideas with theirs). Whatever your situation, your inner “knowing” and wisdom will be coming forth to join your conscious decision-making skills. But, it seems you will mentally resist this, or that this period may be confusing to you. You may feel scatter-brained, anxious, or confused a lot (if this becomes very distressing then I encourage you to access any accessible mental health resources). Perhaps you feeling this way is actually what is going to trigger the transformation. You will need to give yourself a lot of grace to evolve your mind. You may try to logically find solutions to problems or continue using old thought patterns, but this period is going to push different ways of thinking you're not used to. For example, if you always try to make very rational choices, you may need to think creatively or factor in gut feelings to arrive at a good decision. You may find yourself being questioned by those close to you who don’t understand your thinking, and this may require diplomatic communication. Overall, your mental activities can guide you to a good place, but it’s a matter of trusting your own guidance—even if others belittle your ability to think for yourself. [Flattery (Venus in Gemini, 3rd house), Guidance, Dagaz, Queen of Swords rx]
I feel this experience is related to the above and for many it will co-occur; I also see a period where you have mental resistance up. The ideals, compromises, and decisions you have chosen to live with will be under a magnifying glass. Mental routine and comfort will be challenged as you re-evaluate what your beliefs are, especially about yourselves. What are your values, what can you endure to live a more fulfilling life? Some of you have a tendency to get or stay in situations where external forces (mainly people) have a lot of control over your life; codependency. If so, this energy is related to that, especially if this describes your family life. There’s a lot of stubborn or slow-moving energy here; many of you may try to dismiss the questions or changes that are knocking at your door. You may use the physical to distract you, like your daily routine or job. At the same time, if you aspire to change, you may have to defend yourself against others a lot. This could encourage that slow-moving energy, as you may feel tense if challenged by others. Overall, this is a time of endurance. Allow slow, steady adjustments to your mindset + reality as you determine who you are and what you want. [Resistance (Mercury in Taurus, 2nd house), Forget Who You Are rx, I Want to Be a Queen rx, seven of wands]
Lastly, I see you will eventually be called to act upon the ideas you have developed during your transformation—putting your plans into action. With Mercury in cardinal Earth paired with the knight of mind, there will be a drive and ambition to realize the reality you’ve been pining for. The energy here is that no matter what, you're committing to the course you’ve set, regardless of people or obstacles. This time period will pass judgment on what you've been contemplating for so long—the reality you have been imagining yourself in during the more stagnant parts of the year (and maybe last year as well?) While I do feel like most of this will be coming from your own willpower, with the major arcana, you may be presented with some kind of opportunity or circumstance that will further empower you. This may come after you take the first steps to move towards what you want. This could be about pursuing something in your career or material path, but I think it will extend into any part of your life that you've spent a ton of time thinking about. This period will remind you that dreams are not necessarily reality, yet they guide reality once you are ready to do something. If you did experience tense relationships with family or others throughout the year, I see you getting more of a handle on this and feeling more prepared to take on their challenging words (not that you have to keep going back and forth with these people). [Organization (Mercury in Capricorn, 10th house), Fighting, Judgement, two of wands rx]
Overall Theme for the New Year [Idealism (Sun in Aquarius, 11th house), the Hanged Man]: this year is about radical changes in perspective. Not only can you dare to dream, but you can also dare to make those dreams reality. Your mind is precious—protect and use it as much as possible. You may have had a complicated relationship with your desires & dreams in the past. Maybe others' pessimism affected you, and 2024 will prompt you to challenge limiting beliefs you’ve absorbed. This is a year where you realize that your hopes don’t have to detract from real life, they can be the seeds. Friends and community are especially significant in your 2024 energy.
A smile sits on the face of this philosopher, though this is not a title they chose for themselves. The symposium has hushed into suspicious and questioning tones, eyes on the philosopher who has not even said much at all. But what they have said, well, where do they get off? Their ideas are certainly not from here. They speak of a fantasy world where things are better than they are and the status quo is rudely disregarded. Where equality and fairness are true and not only words. The wise men furrow their brows and think, “foolish youth.” The philosopher explains nothing more; what is understood does not have to be explained. But, the seeds are sown. Quietly, in the hearts of the eternally foolish, the design of a better world is constructed.
Possible examples (but not limited to…): feeling called towards a job or interest but others around you not agreeing, feeling pulled towards many different directions, unsure of your “calling,” realizing something you want for yourself, changing your beliefs (especially about your role in the world, or about social expectations such as gender roles?), or a period where you’re interested in new beliefs but you try to deny this interest. Standing your ground, finding strategic ways to communicate with those around you (including ways to keep plans to yourself). At one point (or now) you may be wanting to escape or move far away, but later in the year you may actually lose interest in this or want to move somewhere that’s not as far. Career developments or planning, personal projects, applying to jobs or networking (part of this may feel discouraging or stagnant but don’t lose hope!), you may feel more connected to animals or nature this year (especially if you live in a wooded area), starting a business (especially with friends—crafts/handmade items? Or you might go to artists fairs & markets), working a “not as serious” or part-time job while you plan for a business/career, saving money
Extra Details: naivety, law enforcement or court case, some of you have info about a case you have not brought to the investigators? (I’m not giving legal advice here lol it just came to mind). Specific family member that’s very domineering (especially over you), though I am getting this is a pattern in your other relationships too (for some this person has no/almost no water placements in their natal chart? They could have very bright blue eyes). You may bite your tongue a LOT with this person but this is changing for many (possibly some arguments with them). Some of y’all really like peanut/nut butter 😭? Interest in the arts (or another field that’s not respected) that you’ve never seriously pursued, hiding your interest in artistic or “childish” things, coming from a conservative culture, the main one doing housework, having to be very observant of someone’s behavior to know the “right way” to talk to them so the conversation doesn’t go south? This pile has a way with words, like you naturally phrase things figuratively or poetically. “The time is now bitch, the time is now!! The war’s already started!!” Breaking Bad? Nature themed or inspired art. Mercury may be very important or aspected in the natal chart (possibly solar return as well to a lesser extent). 11th house may be prominent too
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Pile 4:
Something to Reflect On [the Tower, Queen of Pentacles]: hi pile 4! In this past year or the one before, something major shook up your life. Something shook your sense of security to the core. It challenged the notion of control, and you’ve had to rebuild it from the ground up. This feels like something that came out of nowhere, a life event that you know could happen to anyone but you either don’t expect it to happen to you when it does or it’s something you can’t plan for (like a sudden death/illness, breakup out of nowhere, houselessness/kicked out, I keep thinking you felt “dethroned”). As the Queen of Pentacles came after the tower and this pile had a very calming energy when I connected to you, you guys have started to or already come to terms with what happened. You’re picking up the pieces and getting back on your inner throne, though many of you are still dealing with the fallout of these circumstances. You guys should appreciate how far you’ve come in your inner world, or at least your amazing and impressive endurance. I don’t know why but there’s an emphasis on complimenting your endurance lol, the word “honorable” came to mind. This pile seems to have been through something incredibly hard (maybe on a physical level) that a lot of people would have folded under. Some of you had an opportunity to get out using shady means (like cheating or harming others, going against some kind of morals) and in the end you decided to stay by your integrity. This pile should really appreciate themselves, as you’re the one who has carried yourself through the tough storms.
A Peep into the New Year…:
At least one part of the year, if not the whole year, will feel jam-packed with a lot of different things happening. This is a blessed time where by your own willpower, abilities, and individuality, you’ll be able to receive something beautiful. I hear “convenience,” so, very convenient opportunities may come your way. Someone else could help arrange a blessing, or something could come into your life that makes it easier, but this is because of who you are as a person. This period may feel like a dream, like the Sun coming out after the clouds held it hostage. Things will happen that will help you to feel reconnected with life and the universe—your role in the scheme of things—and they may happen close together. This may be a little disorienting, so try incorporating some grounding practices into your life, or something that addresses feelings of disconnect (ex, meditation). I am also seeing a relationship focused on sensuality. This is new for most of you and may be with someone you already know. The relationship may begin with the help of someone else (maybe someone introduced you). This doesn’t seem to be the main event though; this relationship is one thing and the blessings I was talking about are another. Throughout everything, it’s highly emphasized to maintain your individuality. Either through the relationship or other things happening, you may feel the need to change yourself, or feel like a cog in the machine. The new developments could feel tiresome or too much for you. On a physical level, it may be a lot (especially if you have a job including manual labor/moving things). Not only do you need to take care of your body + needs, but also remember your uniqueness is needed. You’re not a spare part; you don’t need to be shaped to conform like others. Growing and changing is great, but the greatness comes from authenticity and the beauty of your specific path. Not from making yourself something you’re not. Alternatively, you may already be living like this and grow tired of it. [Fortune (Sun in Leo, 5th house), Existence, Such a Curious Dream rx, Romance (Venus in Taurus, 2nd house), Conditioning, Exhaustion]
Possibly related to the tiredness I mentioned, there may be a time where things seem totally out of your control—as if the wheel of life is turning and not waiting for you to catch up. There are bigger forces here, like institutions or other people that have control & importance over you. For example, higher education, local/state governments, the legal system. Something will stress you out, possibly news or the lack of agency you feel. This seems like a life pattern for this pile; it could trigger old feelings of lacking control. The unique qualities you have are what helps you move through these times, not what hinders you. The last card says “you will make it through this.” This period is bringing a cycle to the end (ten of swords was on the bottom of the deck); don’t catastrophize. The wheel of life is constantly turning, but you are also part of the wheel. I don’t know what it is about this pile but over and over your cards are pointing out how your individuality and the unique way your life has played out is your strength through all things (one of your cards says “there are not many like you!”). There may be a few things going on during this period that you have to juggle or prioritize over something you really wanted to do. A kind relationship with yourself is your foundation to face the world. The relationships around you will also be important, and may be one of the things making your life feel odd at this time (this news could be developments in a friend’s life). Maintaining bonds, internal and external, will create small blessings as you work towards peace. [Friendship (Moon in Cancer, 4th house), You Are Rare and Free, the Emperor rx, Shine Bright Like a Candle, Raidho rune]
Not every single oracle card referencing relationships I’m soo 😭. In fact, in every experience I read for you guys, something came out about relationships or loving someone. So obviously lol, companionships of all kinds are a large focus. This person (or people) will challenge you to close one of the constant cycles in your life—something regarding communication. Many of you have struggled to authentically communicate, possibly in regards to whatever it is about your individuality that keeps coming out. Maybe you tried to downplay or pretend in your relationships, and this has perpetuated a toxic loop (ex, if you are disabled, you may have downplayed the level of support you need). Your relationships will prompt you to be true, to see if you are up to the task of presenting yourself with all your lumps & bumps and saying, “here I am,” instead of, “don’t look at me.” They will also prompt you to rethink the role you play in healthy communication. You might have downplayed how you felt about others, like pretending to accept things you weren’t okay with. How this plays out will be different for everyone; maybe you will be with someone who understands you easily for once. It could be someone who understands you as long as you actually say something. Or, you may have to speak up for yourself and work through that struggle. Whatever the case, there’s an opportunity to grow through care & intimacy. You got another Sun card—the most fortuitous suite in the deck—so there’s a positive connotation to your bonds. With the Sun, Venus, and Moon all here (and the 2nd, 7th, and 9th house), I think these will be very compelling or fulfilling. You may interact a lot with someone who expands your worldview. But, even if someone is so close they feel telepathic, remember to still communicate and be conscious of cycles! [Acquisition (Sun in Taurus, 2nd house), Flirtation (Venus in Sagittarius, 9th house), Companionship (Moon in Libra, 7th house), Knight of Swords rx, the World]
Overall Theme for the New Year [Beyond Illusion, two of wands]: there's a strong emphasis on “dream-like” feelings this year. You may feel disoriented in the currents of life. You can either put your focus into the ever-changing external world and try to find your footing in those currents, or you can develop your stronghold in your inner world. By turning inward and looking at yourself without the outer noise, you can figure out what makes your soul feel good. You can learn more about yourself, what you’re capable of, and continue to develop security that cannot be washed away by what people say or do. When you only focus on the external, you focus on reacting. When you focus on the internal, you simply are, and you find the source of things.
A stray wanderer stands at the crossroads of themselves. To go left is to dream, where all the world resides. To go right is to wake up, to be with oneself, but not alone. Neither road promises soft steps nor uncalloused feet; a journey it will be either way. The wanderer is not hurried; all of eternity unfolds at the crossroads. They sit in the fork of the path and meditate.
Possible examples (but not limited to…): international travel, a tiring job (especially physically), shedding personas, increase in meditation, dreams, or spirituality, journaling/returning to journaling. A new lover, friends w/ benefits, or increased physical affection in a current relationship, someone giving you something or helping you to show appreciation, an arranged date, challenges to enjoying new things (ex, you travel but feel discouraged by how tiring it is due to health issues. So instead of telling those who want to be with you to go without you, maybe ask for a day of rest once you arrive). Going on hikes, camping, new activities in nature. Developments or news about something with the government or legal system (some kind of welfare, legal case? ), someone close moving away (especially for school), deciding to be friends instead of partners (this theme came out twice, you may flip flop between romance & friendship), very specific but someone you know may be worried about doing time or may get out of prison. Having to prioritize responsibility over a hobby or relationship, applying to school or for government assistance. Relationships that brings financial blessings or gifts, shedding old beliefs about relationships
Another very specific message: you may start or be in a relationship with a barista, bartender, or waiter. They may have an interesting relationship with money, like being very frugal or super generous. They may have a stocky build, very active (or you are and they contrast that). Even if they work with alcohol some do not drink at all. They may drink black coffee or tea instead. Some of them hoard.
Extra Details: living in a car, more life experience than other piles (age wise there are more people in their 30s+), house fire or having to escape your house in the past, partner suddenly kicked you out, living with parents, frosted flakes? Wanting children (or more) but unsure how this will work. Getting back on one’s feet, feeling excited or anticipating (especially about a job), health issues affecting work or that you got from work. You could think poetically/ metaphorically. A strong, solid, compelling energy when you embrace yourself. Don’t be flippant with birth control or protection even if you think you’re not fertile, especially with new, untested partners. Azealia Banks (212), Nicki Minaj. Strong Leo and fixed placement energy [at least in 2024], a person very in-tune with nature or who works with the environment (this could be you but seems more like someone you’ll get to know. Park ranger?) Wearing or using something special at work (an accommodation?). Disabilities, chronic illness/injuries (especially cerebral palsy or burns). Adult or spooky cartoons. Getting out of prison, probation, halfway house. The Lich (“I am the ceaseless wheel”), visual arts/making crafts (wanting to go to school for it; struggling to make time). Not completing or struggling in education, reading & speaking troubles (stutters?). Feeling perceived as uneducated or ineloquent, so you come up with unique ways to be understood. The way things go- beabadoobee (might remind you of your communication troubles).
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Pile 5:
Something to Reflect On [Endurance (Sun in Scorpio, 8th house), Resistance (Mercury in Taurus, 2nd house), Knight of Cups rx]: hi pile five! You guys really had to defend yourself last year? Or this is a trend in your life. Earlier in the year (or life) you expected and sought support from loved ones but in the end you had to protect yourself from those people, or you were in a struggle with them. Either because of incompatibility or underlying issues (mental, emotional, etc) you had to rescind your relationship with them, or they became an adversary to you. This could represent a breakup (any kind) or family relations, but one to two people in particular are getting highlighted (such as a love interest and also a parent figure). You should appreciate how you’ve shown up for yourself and survived—congratulate yourself for being strong even when you shouldn’t have had to be. Especially because this experience seemed to be very transformative or harsh. But, also analyze the ways this could've pushed you into a shell. There may be harmful habits you picked up in order to survive (especially in communication, for example being very defensive, closed off. You might struggle with snapping at people or feeling attacked).
A specific message for some is you may have spent a lot of time pursuing someone who didn’t want you. You expected them to eventually come around if you kept at it? And you are called to reflect on different aspects of that, such as respect for your own time and others’ boundaries.
A Peep into the New Year…:
A portion of the year will be defined by communication or having a lot of ideas at once. This has to do with a conventional institution: school, jobs, marriage, religion, etc. You might be thinking of tons of different things you want to do but find it hard to settle on one or know what’s needed to accomplish your goals. There’s a lot of energy but not necessarily a lot of focus, more so planning, brainstorming, & communicating. These ideas might be centered on how you can be of service to the world, your life path, or how you can pursue a conventional route while putting your own spin on it. A specific message for some is you could want to pursue something that’ll help animals/the environment, or a humanitarian role (this could be anything from veganism to getting a non-profit job, etc). You may receive news about an engagement or marriage. If the institution does refer to religion, you could be very vocal about your beliefs at this time, but might get mixed responses. This may cause tension in the family or social circle. [Excitement (Mercury in Gemini, 3rd house), the Hierophant, Messages for a Rabbit, The Right Way rx]
Most likely related to the above, there’ll be a period where you decide to part ways with tradition. After much thinking, you may find something you thought you could pursue or endure is not for you—even though it’s what’s expected of you. This may be isolating, or you ‘ll feel weird compared to those around you. Or, you might spend more time with people who understand your decisions and self-expression—people who also broke away from tradition. This will be a sensitive time; you’ll be more in tune with your emotions and the emotions of others. Old feelings can surface, particularly of abandonment, loneliness, and disappointment. This could be very overwhelming, so take extra care of your mental and emotional health. You might grieve experiences you will no longer have now that you are committing to going a different way (example, you might feel left behind by friends who are going to college if you decide not to do that). Feel what you need to commit to your path. There could be a slight struggle in truly letting go of whatever this is, especially if it’s a belief system. Also allow yourself grace, patience, space, and empathy in getting used to changes. [Empathy (Moon in Pisces, 12th house), four of pentacles sideways, We’re All Mad Here, the Hierophant rx]
After dealing with others'/society’s expectations of you for so long, and even your own expectations of yourself, you may suddenly charge forth, revitalized. You will be empowered to make a life for yourself with your own two hands. Something about your body is significant; whatever path you decide on may include some kind of physical work (ex, hand-made art, modeling, physical labor etc, could also refer to moving & travel). If you are pregnant or get pregnant, this is in reference to your labor or last trimester. Shortly before this period you will feel you are carrying a burden that's not yours to carry. This can be others’ expectations, or it could refer to any duties you have been maintaining but don’t have your heart in. When you enter this time period, you may have a flare of indignation or feel upset that you've been living according to what others say and not your own truth. Hone this feeling into productivity. Example, if you feel angry that someone doesn’t believe in your art, make more art! You might also have a surge of confidence and stand up for yourself like never before, though be careful not to waste energy on those who refuse to understand. Whatever your case is, this will be a time to embrace your own truth and let go of those who seek to live through or control you. You will be setting out on your own in some way. You’ll break free of those ideas once believed to be your own, but now are clearly things others conditioned into you. You will seek freedom from the burden of not being yourself. [Birth (Venus in Cancer, 4th house), Enterprise (Jupiter in Aries, 1st house), Keep Your Temper rx, ]
Overall Theme for the New Year [Believe, Ostentation]: this year will challenge you to believe in yourself more. It’s not that this will get much easier. It’s your own constant effort showing that no matter what, you can rely on yourself. That your worth is far greater than what others think—you can accomplish what you set your mind to. Some of you may be afraid of following your own path due to material hardships. This is understandable, but whatever is giving you anxiety, know that building inner security is what enables people to make big leaps. Your emotions will be incredibly important guides for you this year. Learning to accept and maintain your emotional state will be part of what shows you your own unshakeable foundation. If you put in the work towards loving and supporting yourself, you will be flaunting (boasting even) self-confidence like never before.
The monarch rides through the streets of their kingdom, head held oh-so high. Is this the notorious royal descendant, are the rumors all true? Whispers and strange glances spread down the road like wildfire. Everyone wants a look—a taste—so they may judge this stranger themselves. They certainly have heard the terrible stories and fearful feats attributed to them, and if they know what’s good for them they’ll clear the air. But the monarch says nothing to anyone. Should they hold their head any higher, they will surely hurt their neck! There’s no need to explain anything, nor do they need to make a fancy show of themselves for the people’s opinion. Their crown is their confidence; it ripples around them like silk. The power in their gaze explains everything anyone needs to know.
Possible examples (but not limited to…): applying to universities or jobs, building a resume, changes in beliefs about your role in the world, environment, or ecosystem, changes in spiritual & religious beliefs that put you at odds with others, changes in diet, brainstorming careers or majors, taking a non-traditional route in school. Leaving a religion or similar system, standing up for yourself against loved ones, a new project/business/art form/career path, graduating, moving away or moving to another relative’s home, getting pregnant, if you are or get pregnant then you may be especially emotional during your second trimester, making a medical decision for yourself, cutting people off (especially toxic family), writing a lot (you may write letters or lots of notes too), growing out of a childhood belief, starting a job (especially part-time, or as a supplement to something else)
Extra Details: black holes, red hair or red as a common color in your style (also green), communion, wanting your suffering to be recognized, cheerleaders, high school students, spending time (especially Summer) in the countryside and by the ocean (sea creatures are significant. Some of you may want to go vegan/vegetarian but are struggling because you love seafood?), a relative (mostly female) who lives in a more rural area you can go stay with, really liking animated movies, especially animated fairy tales or the anime fairy tale? Might also like zombie media (shows etc) or feel like a zombie. Detail-oriented rather than big-picture focused, might tend to just say or blurt out whatever you want, Catholic stigmata?
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Pile 6:
Something to Reflect On [ten of cups rx, the Emperor]: hi pile six! Last year there was a disappointment, loss, or ending with a loved one, or someone in your support system. This could be anything from a breakup, to a family death (found family?), or feeling a lack of fulfillment with those around you. You had to remain strong through this loss of connection and fill the void it left. You could’ve felt like you were drowning in the emotional turbulence you endured (literal drowning is significant to some). You could’ve also felt lonely and like you had to be strong for whoever was left. Even though this doesn’t make the disappointment or grief easier to bear, please appreciate how you show up for yourself and others.
A Peep into the New Year…:
Possibly related to the above message, you’ll be shouldering a burden that’s not entirely yours to carry. There’s a situation that’ll be unfair or unbalanced, and this will take a toll on you. This could be a legal case, something law-related like a will, inheritance, contract, or something where stipulations are involved. Or, it could be something where you feel you’re getting the short end of the stick and having to take on a duty that’s hoisted on you. If you recently had a death in the family, this is likely related to the aftermath (a funeral or burial? I heard “bury”). Through ideas, communication, or ingenuity (it could be your own or someone else’s), balance will be restored to the situation. This will likely involve letting go of something you were making yourself do (I hear “promise,” you may have to rescind a promise that’s become toxic?). This felt very stifling and anxiety-inducing, but a good outcome is on the horizon. Your word may carry a lot of power in this situation, which may be why you ultimately get to decide if this carries on in your life or not. [Influence (Mercury in Libra, 7th house), Law is not Justice rx, the Burden, the Sun rx]
For a portion of the year, financial & material achievement will be of greater importance. More stability or success can come in. If you have a job or business, you may have positive developments if you put in effort. However, there’s something in your life that’s pulling on you, or there’s some kind of dependent relationship related to this material success. For example, building your savings by living with family. Or, there may be something that’s taking a lot of your attention and making it hard to focus on your success. However, it seems any situation that makes you feel dependent or dissatisfied during this period will encourage you to put even more energy into advancing. Despite stability or comfort, you’ll be focused on going your own way or working towards goals. You’ll seek to protect what’s important to you by putting more of yourself into it. If you have children, they could feel more dependent on you at this time, or you could feel more responsibility towards them. This can also refer to the relationship with your own family. Pregnancy may be more likely. No matter the case, this period will be one of renewal where you’re focused on building up for the future. You may be less inclined to share your plans with others, despite the attention you receive. [Riches (Saturn in Capricorn, 10th house), 9 of pentacles rx, the Chariot, Berkano rune]
Finally, there’s a part of the year where you need to safeguard your own interests. The message came out a bit choppy but I will try my best to convey it. For some or all of the year, you may experience a surge in confidence and a sense of knowing. This could be in general, or it could especially be confidence placed in a person. Either way, the message I got was “be careful once you’re confident.” There will be events placed along your year that will differentiate between confidence, impulsiveness, and arrogance, but when you feel very sure, all of them can seem the same. Make sure to always use your wisdom and not just confidence alone as your guide. Don’t think yourself above others, don’t be a braggart, and don’t make impulsive decisions because you think the consequences won’t happen. This could be a message about yourself, or it could relate to someone challenging something you hold dear. What I’m saying might sound silly because I don’t think you’re the type to be haughty, if anything this pile is understanding of reality based on your experiences. So that’s why I’m trying to convey that I think this is something you would normally never think about, things you might take for granted. This can include your trust in someone or something to do with your body? An inheritance, or something you receive(d) through family, including a home. You are being asked to put in an honest effort and cover your bases instead of bluffing through situations. Example, make sure your inner security is based on yourself and not on someone being there to give it to you. Make sure you pay attention to your body’s needs instead of assuming you’ll feel perfect. Especially if a genetic condition runs in your family, pay attention to that. There are two Saturn cards in this part of your reading. Put in the honest work, protect yourself, be patient and fair without impulsiveness, and you can sail through choppy waters. [Inheritance (Saturn in Scorpio, 8th house), King of Cups, Risk (Saturn in Aries, 1st house), Uncertainty rx]
Overall Theme for the New Year [Manage To Be Glad, Nauthiz rune]: create your own happiness; don’t allow external circumstances to dictate your entire wellbeing. This year is about life lessons and effort. Embrace these as part of everyone’s path—including yours—and you won’t struggle against the tide. Going down too-good-to-be-true shortcuts and overindulging in fantasy both come with consequences later. Be attentive to your needs and not just your wants. Most importantly, be aware that your actions create short and long-term effects; just ignoring the future does not undo the ripples of your decisions. Be mindful of how you treat yourself and the kind of reality you create for future you.
Witch—that’s what they call the one in the woods. Perhaps you’ll see them at their doorstep, dressed in all black, petting the cat in their arms (surely a familiar). Maybe you’ll see the candlelight burning into the late night when one is up to no good. But are they a witch? They are wise and avoid missteps by careful planning. To an outsider it’s magic, but to the witch it is only common sense.
Possible examples (but not limited to…): resolving funeral/end-of-life matters (for a recent death), resolving ongoing legal questions or troubles after feeling anxious, carefully reviewing contracts or agreements, choosing yourself or to withdraw some of the care you give to others, speaking up for yourself or finding your voice, needing a vacation, living with family, movement in the family home, wanting a different job or career, taking care of family or children—or being taken care of, making a leap towards a material goal, setting up plans or money for the future, being recognized at work or by peers, super specific message but you could go on a lot of walks (specifically late at night) with a close friend or partner, spending time in a different house than usual, close friendship or needing friends for emotional support, friends w/ benefits, pregnancy-related scares or other sudden news about one’s body, saturn return, finding out you didn’t really know someone, a pattern from the past replaying, receiving inheritance, someone challenging a relationship
[18+ only message] For any that do SW, be very mindful of your circle and clients, as well as who gets your pictures, as there may be some jealous or revengeful energy surrounding that. For others that don’t do SW but may send 18+ pics, the same applies. Take wise precautions regardless of who gets them.
Extra Details: the ocean, trauma regarding water (but still drawn to it at the same time?), Yellow by Coldplay, diamonds, crystals (especially yellow ones?), Poker Face by Lady Gaga, South America (especially the northern part of S America like Colombia), Roman Holiday? Law school or firm, body dysmorphia, inheritance from a father figure (could be a grandpa—very thick round glasses, bald on top with feathery white hair, tan, very thick silver mustache, wore long sleeve button up shirts a lot, smiles a lot, gave you money, liked coffee a lot?), Neville Goddard, blood disorders or inherited disorders, chromosomal? Saturn as a prominent planet in the natal chart, solar return, or profection year (could have also been prominent in the chart of whoever passed recently), being the responsible or older child
🎆
#tarotblr#free tarot#free tarot reading#intuitive reading#shufflemancy#channeled message#channeled reading#collective reading#pick a card#pick a number#pick a picture#pick a pile#tarot#pick an image#pac#pick a reading#pick a photo#pick a deck#oracle reading#oracle cards
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One thing I really liked about the Scott Pilgrim anime is that Gideon is the only one who remained evil.
Yeah, he got a depression arc, and he got a girlfriend who's scary enough to not take his shit and for him to actually respect her, but he's still evil. He still fully intended to blow up a theater to get back at someone. He got his CEO position back, and we all know that that's only an opportunity for him to be more evil. And if the end credits scene is to go off of, he's got plans.
But the other exes? They got closure. They got character development. They got to move forward. Because they honestly... weren't that bad.
Matthew Patel, who had the biggest glowup, was literally just a middle school thing. Yeah, Ramona ditched him and was kind of sucky, but it probably wouldn't have lasted anyway. And like she said, he didn't really get "evil" until high school, and by then he'd already moved.
Lucas Lee? Maybe he had some mild toxic tendencies when he and Ramona dated, but from what he saw, he was actually pretty sweet during their relationship. In the comics, he's honestly the most reasonable of the exes, deciding to actually have a chat with Scott before Scott convinces him to grind to death. And he didn't do anything to Ramona to make her break up with him---she just dumped him for Todd.
Todd Ingram, while being a little bit obsessive---and based on the comics and the anime, a compulsive cheater---didn't seem that horrible when they were dating, either, unless you count the "punch the hole in the moon" thing. He and Ramona broke up because of a long-distance thing. She went off to college, he went back to Envy. Bit of a douche? Yeah. Actively horrible to her? Not really, honestly.
Roxie Richter, our incredible half-ninja lesbian, is arguably the best out of Ramona's exes. She and Ramona had a genuinely healthy relationship, they actually got along great, and Roxie deeply cared about her... and Ramona straight-up broke her heart. When you look at it, Roxie really is the only ex who fully did nothing wrong. No erratic tendencies that caused Ramona to decide to cut her out, no behaviors that Ramona probably knew would become problematic unless she split. Roxie was sweet, she was Ramona's bi awakening... and Ramona didn't like her as much as Roxie liked her. The whole situation was just mass miscommunication, and it's totally understandable why Roxie is still bitter down the line. Unlike with the others, Ramona's fully in the wrong, which is why they need to reconcile first.
Kyle and Ken---okay, in the comics, they were amazing villains, and it's kind of a crime that they keep getting shafted, but honestly... I get it. Their relationship with Ramona wasn't actually that complicated. They were players, she played them back, they resented her for it until they got over it. Of course they're the exes that are kind of the masterminds in the anime---along with Old Scott---and of course they're the exes that are the most chill.
Gideon, on the other hand, is the only ex who can only be described as a full-on bastard. Out of all seven of the "evil" exes, Gideon's the only one who Ramona outright says was abusive. In the comics, beyond just starting the league, he controlled her and Scott's mind and straight-up imprisoned his own ex-girlfriends, fully intending to do the same to Ramona. He's also the only ex who was defeated by both Scott and Ramona, and it's the most satisfying thing to see him fully get his ass kicked. It's fully unsurprising that his backstory in the anime was that he was an incel who nobody liked, and he got dangerous once he got money.
So of course, when all of the other exes are getting cool redemption arcs, moments of self-actualization, coming-out moments, and instances of actually befriending the heroes, Gideon's the one who stays an asshole. He has a fall from grace and becomes a loser, the girl who he winds up with is also evil and thinks him being evil is hot, and at the end of the series, they're a villain power couple, emphasis on villain. Gideon learned to treat his girlfriend with respect, and probably moved on from Ramona... aaaaaaand that's it. He's still a dick. He's still an evil mastermind.
So... yeah. The Scott Pilgrim anime is great, as are the comics. Check 'em both out.
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So why's BB!Skystar like That? I'm not looking for a justification or excuse mind you, and I understand he completely refuses to better himself, but not even someone like him is born evil.
I'll get to his origin and tell you exactly how he grew up, but lemmie be clear about something. I don't think people respond to what they experience in a proportionate, 1:1, "hard times go in, bad guy comes out" sort of way.
People aren't bread and yeast. We don't follow a recipe for "becoming a bad person." You don't add trauma and then from there they choose to be a bad person because of their pain or not. No one is born evil, and the other side of that coin is that EVERYONE has the capacity for it.
Extremely privileged, charmed, blessed people with wonderful home lives can also become awful people. Violent, demanding, murderous ones. The "why" is "choice."
That answer's not satisfying because we want it to be deep and interesting. Like it makes it "mean" something, or adds some kind of "logic" to it. But you won't get it.
EVIL is simple. It feels good to get what you want. It feels good to hurt the people who keep it from you. POWER is even simpler. It is the act of making others do what you want. It's as simple as childish entitlement, indifference, or spite. Gratification that outweighs guilt.
If you're looking for some grand tragedy, you won't find it here. Nothing he went through was particularly unique and there was no grand ideology at play. His dad vanished when he was young and so did Gray Wing's. The Tribe dealt with a famine and several people died, including members of Bright Storm's family.
The only thing special about his birth and upbringing, in particular, was that he was quite privileged from the start.
Clear Sky and Gray Wing in the Tribe
From their very birth, both kits were welcomed and celebrated. They were destined for greatness from the start. Their mother was Quiet Wing, a direct descendant of the Stoneteller, Half Moon, and the father was a respected leader and political figure, Tempest Sky.
(This was before the Tribe would eventually become three camps, "Wards," united by a river. Tempest might have been considered an early leader of such a Ward.)
The older kit, a perfect image of xeir mother, was said to be the inheritor of her legacy as a relative of their founder and holy speaker. Xey were named Gray Wing. The younger, who would surely become the natural leader his father was, got the name Clear Sky. In their language, Koof Yaawrl-- Not just a sky without clouds. A perfect, flawless sky.
The two of them grew up with great opportunities. Connections are everything to their culture, and they had their pick of any amount of interests they wanted a paw in. The hunters would happily bring them along if asked. The crafters had extra patience set aside just for them. A good deployment of a mew and baby eyes could get them some extra scraps at dinner. Everyone wanted to make their little mark on such special, talented kits.
Clear Sky was a little general type. He wanted to be a leader right away. He loved hunts, he loved being in charge of other kids, he loved the way people listened to him. He wasn't familiar with the word No and was almost always the top banana of a group of other children. Even if they were older.
(Gray Wing in contrast was more of the game-creator, the "old soul," the kid who got along better with adults than other kids. Less of a leader and more of the guru, good at networking and settling disputes between people.)
While they were still kids, Tempest Sky vanished.
He was missing for days, and was assumed dead. There's plenty of ways to vanish in the mountains, but no remains were found. The Stoneteller tried to contact his spirit over and over to confirm his death, and he never came. So it was most likely that he just... left. Or maybe was taken.
Either way, they didn't really get closure for it. It was an awful thing to happen to a little kid, and Clear Sky took it really hard. A while after that, their stepdad entered the equation. Stone Peak wasn't big or strong or special, he just made their mom happy.
Gray Wing LOVED this man. After some friction, him and Stone Peak became excellent friends. They had a deep sense of respect and camaraderie. Clear Sky hated this. It was like Tempest Sky was being replaced before his eyes.
It was years before Stone Peak and Quiet Rain had a litter, well into Clear Sky and Gray Wing's adulthoods. It burned Clear Sky a new one to think that she was moving on from his father, who could still be alive. Maybe it's part of why he was so willing to throw his half-brother out into the snow, that fateful winter.
When Jagged Peak and Fluttering Wing were about half a year old, there was a terrible drought. It wasn't "overpopulation." It was a bad season. NOTHING could have stopped it. Lots of cats died.
Fluttering Wing was one of them-- along with some of Bright Storm's immediate family, Fox Claw and Petal Claw's mother during a hunting accident, and many more.
At the height of this drought, the southern river's level was so low that it became a scorched, crackled path with only a wet scratch of mud running along the middle. This dry riverbed beckoned to be followed downwards, until the water could be found again. THIS is the "Sun Trail;" a path carved by the sun.
It was Gray Wing the Wise who interpreted this as an omen. Xey believed it was their ancestors showing them the way to safety. The rest is history.
But the bottom line is...
Skystar's upbringing wasn't a supreme tragedy. He faced adversity just like everyone else, but he'd NEVER bring up the privilege that he had when he was young as something unfair to be examined. Tempest being a respected leader whose connections gave Clear Sky lots of opportunities is only spoken about in terms of Clear Sky being a "born leader" or "coming from greatness."
All of his charisma, his achievements, his command over other cats, that's all something he's "worked for." All of the adversities are examples of how strong HE is, in contrast to other cats, even if they went through the same exact struggles.
Why is he the way he is? Why is he so controlling? Why is he violent? Because he will take what he wants, and no one can stop him. He likes power more than he cares about the consequences of treating people poorly, so he cries "unfair!" if you take his toys away.
Stand by him and the rewards are sweet and delicious. Deny him what he wants, and he will crush you. He chooses how he treats you based on how much he likes you, and at the rotten heart of his behavior, is the simple choice to be this way.
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I was thinking about this while falling asleep last night so I want to try and untangle the web Bad has been spinning to better understand what he’s doing cuz in some aspects it seems completely random and disconnected
Bad’s plan rn is to disseminate a bunch of different - at times contradictory- information across the island and watch how it spreads. The goal of this is two fold; to discover who is trustworthy and to find the (probably unknowing) federation spy.
His plan began way back with the magma cube prank. At the time he said he wanted to pin the prank on the fed to turn everyone against them but… the way he went about it didn’t make sense? Giving a cube to everyone at once pretty much confirmed it was a prank - fit recognized that immediately - as well as writing the books in French and Portuguese. Not to mention Tina would clock him immediately since he pulled this prank on her before. So what was the point?
So Bad could watch/listen to the islanders as they tried to figure out who it was. Many of them immediately clocked bbh for a number of different reasons and he confessed to several different people (mainly the French) that it was indeed him. He could watch the web of information spread to discover who talked to who and who could keep secrets.
Over the last few weeks Bad’s been much more subtle with this. He’s told conflicting information about various things to a bunch of people - telling some people he is the one responsible for the mines at spawn and others that he isn’t - and the web has just gotten more and more complex.
Then on top of all of this, he’s testing people with very specific and unique obstacles.
Bagi’s test was the first one I noticed several days ago and is what got me paying closure attention. Bad pretty much explained it yesterday but I’ll recap. He knew Bagi was worried about him so he told her he was seeing a ghost (which was true) and asked her to keep it a secret. She did not - as Bad predicted - and you can tell in the conversation that Bad knew she didn’t and was giving her the opportunity to come clean - which she did. He praised her and thanked her out of no where for keeping this secret (I thought this was weird at the time, the way he was talking, and this is why) and she told him that she didn’t. This proved to Bad that Bagi was more interested in being honest then trusted which meant that she passed the test.
The next obvious one is Baghera. Bad is testing Baghera’s resolve and trust. He showed her Ron knowing full well that Baghera could have turned on him and tried to interfere but he trusted that her sense of justice and care for him would balance out and that she’d find a solution where they both would be happy. He knows he is hurting her but it’s necessary in his eyes.
Then is Forever. This one is a bit more tricky. I don’t think Bad has really started testing Forever before the gun theft. This felt like an improvised test to see how far Bad could gaslight and push Forever before Forever gave up on their relationship. The gun was returned before we reached that point but there was another immediate point of contention that - again - was out of Bad’s control. Tubbo. Forever correctly believing Tubbo that bbh kidnapped the worker was the pay off for Bad’s previous abuse. Forever doesn’t believe a thing that comes out of Bad’s mouth anymore. The nail in the coffin for this test is Forever thinking that Bad is ill and needs to be saved, which means Bad is probably never going to bring Forever into his plans like he did Baghera. Forever wants to save him but Bad doesn’t want to be saved. He walked into this hell with eyes wide open and it’s far too late to turn back.
Aypierre’s test began yesterday. Not only did Bad “confess” to having a fed worker in his custody, he also tasked Aypierre with spying on Tubbo. Bad trusts the French as a whole more than anyone on the island (I’ll come back to foolish in a minute) and he knows that Aypierre, Antoine, and Etoiles would either be ambivalent or positive about the man in Bad’s basement. Bad would never straight up confess to this crime “I would never touch the federation” but he’s willing to confirm their suspicions. He also told Aypierre to be wary because someone is protecting Forever and… I’m pretty sure this is a lie. A lie to test what Aypierre does. Who does he tell. If the feds find out and start snooping. I think Aypierre’s test is to prove without a doubt if he can be trusted/who he trusts and that he isn’t a fed plant/hasn’t been bugged.
Lastly, and most interestingly, we have Foolish. Foolish is the only one Bad has told everything to. Sure, it’s through three layers of obscurity and metaphor but these two only know how to communicate through mind games. Bad knows how intelligent Foolish is and he knows what Foolish wants. Yes Foolish is a snitch but he has no loyalties to the fed, only to his family and himself. Foolish would be the obvious spy but Bad knows Foolish is just chasing the rush of excitement and entertainment and that watching Bad stop holding back is prime time entertainment. He knows Foolish will eventually turn him over to the feds but that’s what Bad wants. Foolish will be up front about it and will want a front row seat so if Bad gets arrested without the fan fair, then it proves that someone else is the puppet (if bad gets arrested at all)
Lastly lastly, I think Bad has caught onto the fact that the federation doesn’t want to touch him. First giving him a slap on the wrist for griefing the presidential office then warning workers to stay away from him instead of removing him as a threat. Bad wants to push them. Ever since Tubbo spilled the beans about the worker going missing, Bad has been acting so much more suspicious and threatening than before. He’s intentionally making himself look more guilty without out right stating that he is guilty. The federation has to know it’s him right? They have all the pieces they had to have been able to put it together so why? Why haven’t they acted?
Well, Foolish promised Bad he’d be getting arrested soon and Bad keeps making himself look more sus to Tubbo who has a friend in the fed - who resembles the exact person Bad wants to nab - so Bad is also probably keeping an eye on Tubbo if he snitches (which he did lol). If the federation continues to do nothing that’ll give Bad massive leverage over them while also giving him another mystery to solve.
Bad said his plan is almost complete, he just needs a few more pieces to fall into place before he can find the puppet and follow its strings back to its master. I have no idea what’s going to happen or what pieces need to fall into place but i am so curious to see what he does next. Is capturing Fred still part of his plans? Is he still banking on getting put in jail? How is he going to narrow down who is the puppet when he hasn’t tested more than half of the server? Hopefully we’ll get some answers today.
#qsmp#crimson speaks#badboyhalo#I am eppy#because I was think about this all night#XD#there’s probably things I missed#but that’s fine#I’m excited for today#this web he’s spinning is so fascinating#he’s a spider trying to catch a specific fly#but he doesn’t know which fly is the correct one#and he isn’t afraid of trapping/hurting innocent flies in the process#he’s so messed up#and I want him to keep getting worse#lmao
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Love is a Learning Curve
Past! Kate Bishop x GN!R
Yelena Belova x GN!R
Love is a Dagger (P1)
The long awaited P2 I was never going to give, but people wanted closure to the angst I guess 😂 | WC: 3,638
Kate woke up with a start, her body flopped back into the mattress regretfully, her arm covered her eyes to lessen the throbbing ache in her head. The blinds being open the root of the issue as the sun permeated into her already sensitive eyes. Drinking the night away was once an easy feat for the archer, but the closer she gets to the middle of her twenties the more she'd noticed it's losing its flair for fun.
——
Stumbling ungraciously out of bed she made her way to the bathroom and made herself a bit more human by taking a shower and getting dressed for work. Then she made her way downstairs to find nothing to eat, it threw her off because normally you'd have filled her up a thermos, and made her something to go, but she only shrugs, and rushes out the door to make sure she now had time to stop for a bite.
It wasn't all that strange an occurrence, on the rare occasion you did miss the opportunity to prepare her for her day, so she thought nothing of it, you were likely running late, and she assumed that had something to do with her partying last night so she didn't mind at all.
Her day flew by without any messages from you either, but she never checked them much anyway so she didn't notice. It wasn't until her phone rang on her way out of the office that she knew something must've been up.
"Hello?" she answered with slight hesitation, unsure on as to why the blonde was exactly calling her. "Kate Bishop, it's Yelena."
"Hey, yeah what can I do for you Yelena?"
"Are you coming to pick up Lucky?"
Kate's brows furrowed, because yes, technically Friday was her day to collect the dog from Belova's Doggy Daycare, but usually you just willingly picked up her slack. "Where's Y/N?"
The question was more so a thought she was having that ended up directed at Yelena, who simply cleared her throat, a sure sign that she knew something was up, but didn't wish to say.
"Yelena..." she was more desperate this time, and the blonde sighed, "Told me they were not going to be able to pick him up today, but I saw some suitcases and boxes in their car Kate."
"Oh."
"Yeah, they said today was your day to get him, but I guess it must've just slipped your mind," Yelena said with a nervous chuckle to follow, it was clear as day to the blonde that you just left your mutual friend without so much as a word shared, and though a part of her is rooting for you for finally putting yourself first for once, the other feels bad for the raven haired girl who's likely biting back tears at the news.
"Here, how about I take him home with me tonight. It's been awhile since him and Fanny had a playdate anyways."
"Thanks Lena, I'll get him in the morning."
That night Kate ordered in, and nursed a bottle of red wine until the buzz lulled her to sleep. When she awoke the following morning to find you'd yet to return her rose colored glasses fell.
Her strained eyes began to study the living room, and as she took it in she found any piece of you she once had was gone. All that had remained was a cherished framed photo of you, her and Lucky at Fanny's first birthday party.
Kate was racking her brain for a reason, anything she could come up with besides the glaring truth that she just didn't want to face. For the last year she'd been taking your love for granted, and it's true what they say: you don't know what you have until it's gone, and now she's just meant to live on like you don't exist.
The note you hid in your dresser drawer said just that when she stumbled up to your room.
"Dear Kit-Kat,
I'm sorry I couldn't face you, but it's best for us that I left without a trace. There's nothing left for us, you don't love me anymore, and I have held on to delusion for as long as I am willing.
If I had approached you I know you'd have tried to tell me I was wrong, that you did still love me, because your heart is too soft, and I would've clung to that hope until it failed me.
Love is a perilous thing really; I don't regret our journey, but I do regret staying this long. It's about time I set off to find what's out there for a loner like me, and for that reason I have disconnected my phone and gone off the grid.
I'll love you forever Kit-Kat, and I hope you are able to find someone who makes you happy, and who'll share their last slice with Lucky."
Kate's tears soaked through the crumpled paper, messy lines of blue ink began to run, distorting the message of half truths. Reading it hurt her tremendously, seeing that she'd made you believe she'd been stringing you along out of obligation, and not out of love was hard to read. It wasn't true, right? She loved you with all of her heart, but yet she took your presence for granted, and now she's all alone.
You actually left her (Just like she'd left you).
—
The archer had been neglecting her work for months as she scoured all over the city for you. Nothing was available to help her. You were apparently an expert at disappearing, because there wasn't a single trace of you anywhere.
It was pathetic really, she ran the most well known security and surveillance company around and yet she couldn't track you down.
With time, Kate realized that you were right.
The love she had for you faded until it was nothing more than words you say to protect the others feelings, but it also hadn't completely died. Kate was desperate to find you, to atone for all that she'd done to you by using you as her personal assistant instead of her lover.
Even if she lost touch with you, she knew that what she did likely distorted your view on love. The girl couldn't live with herself if she just left you to think that love is only a hopeless cause.
When things were young, and fresh it was like magic, and she wanted you to remember that. To look passed her betrayal, and the feelings of inadequacy she left behind in the hollowed heart that hardly beat in your chest anymore.
She needed you to know that her love for you might’ve devolved into the platonic, as is the case when people grow, but it’s still there In enough of a capacity that she won’t give up.
Kate was a mess, and in a way you were too.
You thought that getting a cottage out in the beautiful countryside of Norway was the way to go. Far away from the life you once lived, and the perfect place to enjoy your solitude. Then the loneliness set in against your will, and so you'd set off to find a furry companion.
At the shelter you saw a young pup that'd taken a liking to the elderly cat. He'd yap in her ear, and she'd purr in response, it was clear her ears were not functioning well anymore. You decided two for the price of one was great.
Simon showered you with love and affection whenever you entered the home, even if you'd only stepped out to get the mail. Then Posey, when she felt like jumping, would meet you in bed to cuddle and purr against your chest.
It worked, but only as a mask for the problem at hand really. Your foolish heart longed for a love like you'd once known. One full of passion and joy over the loveless mess it had become.
Still, you persisted and lived as if nothing was wrong. That was until Yelena had found you, and damn near broke your door off it's hinges.
"Y/N Y/L/N!" She shouted loud enough that you'd left the security of your room, blanket around your shoulders as you'd just woken up at her unexpected, rather rude interruption.
"How did you find me?" You groaned, and she ignored your question, opting to scour through your cabinets until she found some glasses. “Better yet, how did you even get inside?”
Yelena barked a laugh, insinuating that your question was ridiculous. Then she briskly swung her arm around and handed you a glass that was far too full of booze for a morning sip.
"It's nice to see you too, now drink the vodka, we have lots to discuss my dear old friend."
Yelena told you all about Kate's demise, and it broke your heart into pieces thinking she was actually this torn up about your departure. Then you remembered she relied on you to change her clothes some nights and the ache from being used had returned even stronger.
"If that's all, I think you should be going."
“Y/N, she wants you to come home.”
“This is my home Yelena, the only one I’ve ever known. Feel free to tell her that when you go back and offer her my location. Now go.”
You were being harsh with her, you knew that and most of you regretted it, but you also felt like you were being backed into a corner. As if Kate’s problems were always going to be yours.
“I understand leaving her, you deserved better, we all told you that.” Yelena pondered aloud, her voice uncharacteristically small. “But leaving all together? That was hard to stomach, I lost both of my closest friends in the blink. You off grid, and Kate to her grief. When is it enough passed on pain for you to forgive her?”
You went to lash out, to try and get her to see it from your end, but then you saw her hand shake as she gulped down the rest of her bitter vice without ever looking up. Not that she needed to, you could hear the sniffle she failed to cover up with the scuffing of her boots.
“I didn’t think I would be missed,” you softly admitted, your ties to Yelena, and the rest were through the connection of Kate. Never a part, only ever an extension of the friend group.
Or at least that’s what you had always thought.
“I felt your absence immediately,” she voiced though her voice quivered. “Your visit at the kennel every day was what made me smile.”
“I-.”
“There was no more happiness with you gone.”
The way she spoke made your heart warm with an affection you felt was foreign for her. There had never been any indication that she wanted you, or that you meant that much to her before.
“Yelena, what are you doing?” You stumbled back into the wall when you saw her rise to her feet faster than necessary. Her body out of her control, and under the influence of alcohol led her to stumble until she caged your body in.
“I wanted you first.” You were shocked to see the honesty in her eyes, booze goggles or not she was being sincere and you felt an urge to kiss her lips as they pouted familiarly. It was a common expression of hers whenever you’d have to go, you always thought it was for Lucky since she loved the retriever so much, but a part of you always wondered if it meant more.
But you had Kate… Even now, you had her to consider. “Lena, w-we can’t,” you stuttered as her cold hand held your face. “I understand.”
Before she could pull away with her wrong assumptions you wrapped your arms around her waist and buried your face into the crook of her neck. Yelena would never deny you comfort, not even when you just shattered her heart, so she hugged you back rather tightly.
“You’re going to be okay Y/N,” she whispered in her thick Russian accent, and your hammering heart felt like it was about to burst at the offered tenderness. “I’m here for you.”
You pulled away and cupped her cheeks with a teary smile, eyes shining with appreciation. Your lips pressed to her cheeks, and she looked at you utterly confused when your eyes met.
“I was saying, we can’t do this… yet.” Yelena’s eyes went wide and you kept your smile. “I can’t let you kiss me when I’m still trying to forgive Kate, it wouldn’t be fair to any of us.” Yelena’s heart beamed, the notion that all you felt for Kate now was a tainted love in need of a life altering cleansing made her hopeful.
“So you’ll come home?” You shook your head and wore a broken smile, fear encasing your heart as you realized you couldn’t do that. “I’ve built a life here Lena, I have space for you, but I can’t return to the stagnation of the states.”
“No, I know that,” Yelena refuted. “I just mean to make the amends with Kate Bishop, and to collect my things and Fanny who’s at Kate’s.”
“Does she know you’re here?” She shook her head. “No, but I think she knows deep down.”
“What about the kennel?” Yelena shrugged, and smiled wide. “I’ve got nothing in the states worth living for if you’re not by my side.”
“Then I will agree to a half day in New York.”
Yelena squealed and you cupped your ears while glaring in her direction playfully.
“I’ll be back for you in the morning then Y/N! We have Tony’s private jet, and Happy’s at the hotel I’m going to be staying at tonight.”
“You’ll do no such thing, I have a guest room. I’ll just have to clean it of the cat hair since I don’t usually have other humans over.”
“You sound like you’re an alien,” she laughed, then began to head to the door to collect her bag, and that’s when it dawned on you. “How’d you find me?” Yelena stood in the doorway with a knowing smirk on her face, and tossed her thumb backwards to the people outside.
“I guess we’re sharing a bed then,” you mused while waving back to the grinning redheads. Of course, she involved the FBI’s hottest couple.
—
The following morning came with butterflies fluttering beneath the pads of fingertips that lightly pressed into the skin that your crumpled up night shirt had left exposed. Yelena’s body was pressed into yours so tight you were sure there’d be a layer of sweat amongst the fabric.
“Good morning pretty one,” Yelena rasped, her voice thick with sleep, and Russian inflections. The butterflies must’ve began a rave because you could hardly focus on anything but the way that her simple words made your stomach flip. “Goor morning darling, are you hungry?”
“I’ll make breakfast,” she announced, body scrambling for the door, but fortunately for the sake of your cottage Wanda was there with a teasing smile and greasy spatula. “No need Miss. burns houses down while making eggs.”
“It was one time!” Natasha snorted from a far away room, “Yeah, one time too many! Mama was so mad about it that she moved back to Russia the second you turned eighteen.”
Yelena turned back towards you and ran into your open arms. You could feel her pout against your skin, and for a second you were imagining her firmly kissing the skin instead.
“They are so mean. I am happy to leave.”
“We’ll visit them,” you answered the silent question, as sarcastic as she was, you knew that her sisterly love for Natasha was unbreakable. The same could be said in reverse, those two have been inseparable since you first met them.
“Okay, thank you.” You ran a hand up and down her back for a few seconds, then the sound of your rumbling tummy brought you both to the dining area where the food was still piping hot. “You two could move in as well.”
Natasha threw you a glance that said she’d do it in a heartbeat, but Wanda was less inclined seeing as their kids, and Pietro were in the city.
“We’ll visit, I promise,” was all she offered, then silence followed as you all got ready to go, and made your way to the airport. Once on the jet you chose to lean against the blonde, and take a nap to silence the screams of your mind.
At the airport you hugged the couple goodbye, and let Natasha threaten you as any good big sister would when you were taking her little sister across borders after one day of being sort of involved. The redhead knew that she could trust you, it’s not like you were strangers, but she was also the one who once held a crying Yelena when you fled the country, and once prior when Kate asked you to be hers first.
Once the lot of you parted ways Yelena drove you over to Kate’s. You told her to go get her stuff, and though she was hesitant she knew you had to do this part all on your own.
You knocked on the familiar door, it was a hair too light as your fist had stalled mid thrust. It still managed to gather the woman’s attention though because it swung open before you could even begin to knock again. Kate’s body crashed into yours, and you reflexively caught her and held her as she cried loudly into your chest.
Without a moment’s hesitation you brought your conjoined bodies back over her threshold and guided her onto her couch. Kate wanted to hold on, but you left no room for her to try. A moment of comfort was all you could spare, and she knew it was selfish to expect more.
It was silent, Kate stared at you as you sat in the recliner you’d had to swipe debris from.
“I’m sorry.” You pursed your lips, humming a low tune as you absorbed her empty words.
“For who?” Kate flinched at your response, it’d been ages since she last heard your voice, and the chill it carried now was heartbreaking.
“You,” her lower lip trembled, and your anger softened a smidge at her obvious remorse.
“If I’d realized what I was doing, I wouldn’t have ever let it get so far that you felt like you had to run away from your entire life.”
“I didn’t run away from my life, I happily left yours Kate. Nothing about tending to your every whim was a life I ever dreamed up. Did you ever consider that the only thing I was running away from was you? That life with you had become so difficult that I had no choice but to drop off the face of the Earth and retire?”
“You are making it seem like I ordered you around,” she bit back, a bit offended by the animosity you’re throwing. “You willing fell into a role that never should’ve been. You were my partner, I know what I did was fucked up, but I would never have hurt you on purpose. Let’s not forget that you never said anything. Just left me a note one day and vanished.”
Silence fell as you were faced with the other side of the truth. You stayed and lived with the hurt of being forgotten, but in another turn you never fought to be seen either. Literally, there was never even a discussion, you just handled business separately, and cared for her wholly.
A relationship without communication is nothing more than two bodies out of sync.
“You’re right,” your tense shoulders deflated, and tears that fell from your eyes were wiped away by a gruff tongue trying to comfort you. “Hey Lucky boy, how have you been?”
“He misses you.”
You pet him for a very long time, trying your best to calm your nerves before you were to face her again in the less tumultuous light.
“I still love you Y/N, no longer romantically, but there’s still so much of me that loves you.”
Her words of a love never lost were actually comforting, hitting a nerve that very well would’ve been catastrophic just a day prior.
“I’ll love you forever Kit,” you gazed into her eyes, and smiled warmly, “You taught me so much, and when it was good there was no questioning that love had a purpose in life. I hope you find someone worth remembering.”
With your peace found you stood up, and, and pulled her into a strong embrace. The two of you swayed for a few seconds, then you pulled away and headed for the door.
“I’ll never forget you Y/N, I’m sorry I ever did.”
Kate watched as you picked up a green leash, and her mind caught up fast. “I hope you two are happy together. Invite me to the wedding please, I wouldn’t want to miss such a joy.”
You smiled to yourself while hooking the leash to Fanny, and left the apartment with a final lighthearted comment. “I’ll try not to forget.”
Kate smiled too, and fell back onto her couch.
There’s no one right way to love someone else, but you both knew that near the end of things you only loved the other in shades of wrong. As you drove back to the airport, your hand in another’s you realized that giving up was never the answer, but at the time it was necessary.
Love is a twisted game, sometimes you lose, sometimes you win, but no matter what, either outcome came with a journey of life lessons.
——
#natasha romanoff#wanda maximoff#wandanat#kate bishop#kate bishop fic#kate bishop angst#kate bishop imagine#kate bishop x female reader#kate bishop x you#kate bishop x reader#kate bishop x y/n#yelena belova#yelena belova imagine#yelena belova fluff#yelena belova x y/n#yelena belova x you#yelena belova x reader#yelena belova x female reader
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slowly || e.m.
summary || you see eddie again after your break up, and all that was in his mind was wanting you back. part two to broken hearts, but can be read alone.
author’s note || thank you for all the love for my last fic, i hope you enjoy this concluded series!
warnings || sad!eddie, breakups, crying, angst, rage, swearing, happy ending
masterlist
Five months.
It’s been five months since Eddie—fucking—Munson decided to stomp all over your heart and leave it there to rot.
Five whole excruciatingly painful months.
“You saw him when dropping off Mike and Lucas?” You nodded at Robin. She leaned her elbows against a movie shelf. “What did he say?”
You sighed, placing some VHS tapes back onto their rightful stands, “that’s the thing, Rob, he didn’t say anything. I tried to talk to him. I wanted him to say something, but I was left with radio silence.”
Robin stared at you with a frown before a sigh puffed out of her lips. “Do you think he wanted to say something?”
You turned around to face her this time, but your eyes locked on the cheaply tiled floor. “Honestly? I don’t know. Something was slightly off about him, but I don’t really know if it was that.”
Robin opened her mouth to say something, but then the bell that was attached to the front door rang through the store.
"Welcome to Family Video." Her eyes slightly widened by the customer that was starting to approach the two of you.
“Um–don’t panic, but it’s Eddie.”
Your eyes widened, nearly dropping the VHS that was in your hand. “What?” You whipped your head around, and lo and behold, there he was.
Battle jacket, ripped jeans, reebok sneakers, silver rings, and frizzy hair. If it weren’t for the fire-burning rage that built up slowly like a furnace inside of you, you would’ve swooned. As of right now, though?
You wanted to rip his fucking head off.
“Robin—I—please, I can’t—” At this moment, you needed Robin to be your savior. After the run-in with him the other day, your heart couldn’t take it anymore, nor could you really afford to be fired for shoving a VHS tape down someone's throat.
But she shook her head. As much as she wanted to help you, she knew you needed some type of closure. Eddie dumped you out of the fucking blue. It left you absolutely broken, scarred, and a shell of your own self. If he was here to see you, then that means he really did want to talk.
You tried to grab onto her forearm, as a desperate plea, but Robin was already walking away. “I hate seeing you so unhappy. I mean, shit, have you really talked about anything other than Eddie since you saw him again?”
Damn Robin for always being right.
“Talk to him. It’ll be okay.” She was already near the break room, leaving the two of you alone. You turn around, hands subconsciously playing with the Family Video employee vest.
“Oh—uh—hey.”
There was a beat of silence.
“Hey.”
God, the air was thick. It felt like it was clinging to your skin as the ringing of silence hung in the air. You took it as an opportunity to take a look at him—a good look.
Frankly, he looked like shit. His hair was all over the place, the rim of his eyes was red, and his style was completely out of place. It looked as if he had just grabbed clothes and them on.
Although, to be honest, you knew you weren't a walk in the park either. Shit, you worked at Family Video with your two friends and a matching green vest to match.
He continued to just stare straight ahead at you. Silence. Pure jarring nothingness.
“Do you need a movie or something?” This time he shook his head, surprise resting on your features at a response. He looked panicked, though, as if he was a deer caught in headlights.
And he felt panicked. He was jittery, heart pounding against his ears, and hands practically shaking against his thighs. He walked into the Family Video with a mission, desperately wanting to fix the void that was swallowing him whole.
After seeing you that day, he finally threw away that moldy blueberry muffin that sat on the counter for months after you had made it for him. But he didn’t throw it away because he was getting over you and finally letting you go.
He threw it away because he was determined to mend your broken hearts. Some day, you’d make those blueberry muffins for him and stuff the batter into his mouth as his legs swung against the kitchen counter.
And it was now or never.
“Listen, I—I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.” Before you could even respond, he rushes, “I know that an apology doesn’t mean jack or shit, I know. I guess, I–I just, I mean, I love you. I love you so fucking much, and I’m so goddamn stupid.” He pulled at the ends of his hair in his own frustration. “After everything, I thought that I was pulling you down. I thought that—I thought that I wasn’t worth saving that day in the Upside Down, I–”
He stopped as he saw a tear leave your eye, not even realizing that his own had traveled down his cheeks. He wants to hold you. He wants to brush those tears out of your eyes. He wants to caress your cheek and press you into him.
“I thought that you didn’t love me, Eddie.” Your voice cracked. His heart sank into his stomach, his hand finally reaching out to yours. You shook your head at him, “You are everything, Eddie, okay? I would drag you out of that goddamn hell hole fifty times if I had to. You are worth saving a million times over.”
He licked his lips before closing his eyes, gently squeezing your hand. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Your chest fluttered at the fond nickname, your heart squeezing at the loss of what once was.
“Look, I’m not,” you pause, letting out a long sigh, “I don’t forgive you. I-I can’t forgive you, not yet. You hurt me, Eds. You let me think about all the reasons why I wasn’t good for you, w-why I thought you didn’t love me.”
He lets out a breath, tears already pricking his eyes again. He knows he fucked up badly—royally. But that small sliver of hope burst through his chest, feeling it all the way down to his fingers.
“But—” you let out a breath, “with time and both of us working on everything, we can slowly fix it. We can fix it.”
He pressed a long, gentle kiss against your temple, closing his eyes in both sadness and aspiration. “I can do slow. it’s my new middle name.”
For the first time in a long time, you smiled. “Don’t get too carried away, Munson.”
~
ppl who wanted to be tagged :) @urlivingdeadgirl @frankieclone @snoopwashere @unknownthingslmao
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson angst#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson#stranger things#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things 4#stranger things vol 2#eddie munson x fem!reader#stranger things angst#stranger things x reader
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I heard people are mad because they feel like August should be apologizing to Simon also, and I think that’s like, a no-brainer because of course he will – – he’s changed now. He’s not the same person who did that thing so – – we saw him suffer and now he apologized to Wille whom he knows and then – – I’m sure when [August and Simon] meet, he’s going to talk to [Simon] about it too.
Linnéa Roxeheim, director of S3 eps 5& 6, PRP interview
59:00-59:22
(– – used for legibility, the redacted phrase is 'you know')
So...this kind of seems to confirm something I've been thinking since I watched the season: the lack of apology from August to Simon feels less like an intentional, character-defining writing choice and more like a mishap overlooking or even retconning the August-Simon conflict.
Some thoughts under the cut.
That conflict was one of the central building blocks and driving forces back in S1. Simon wouldn't have ended up selling drugs if it wasn't for August looking to buy, Wille wouldn't have found out about August's finances and been able to use them against him, and Alexander would not have been framed to save Simon. And for that matter, August's eagerness to pin the blame on Simon was likely fuelled by the fact that he wasn't just a sosse sleeping with Wille, but also a constant thorn in August's side. Someone who had even physically roughed August up at one point.
Still, I do believe August's decision to post the video mainly concerned Wille. I've written about that too many times to rehash it again; let's just take his dismissive reaction when Sara says Simon is distraught in S1E6 at face value. And that made perfect sense for his character, considering his only moral code at the time was (elite) loyalty.
However. From S2 on, the history between August and Simon has been sidelined, and the focus has been on the conflict between August and Wille.
We didn't see Simon suffer any more daily consequences from the video in S2. He could already sing karaoke in Bjärstad without people giving him dirty looks, and both the rumour mill at Hillerska and the hate comments online had stopped. Not being allowed to sing his song at the Jubilee was a concrete consequence, but even that felt more like an obstacle for Wilmon and an opportunity for Wille to stand up for them. Simon and August barely even interacted over the season - but at least Simon did refer to Sara knowing everything August had done to him in the gun range scene, so that was something.
I had hoped for the August-Simon conflict to be picked up again in S3. Even if the writers wanted to focus on other relationships and tensions, to me, it felt too essential to pass up. It would have been a clear sign of August learning the accountability and empathy that he needed to grow, and it would have also provided some much-needed closure for Simon (and tied the series together as a whole). I guess the writers felt differently.
Even though the focus on Simon getting hate on social media again could have provided an easy tie-in, the vile hate messages focused on his and Wille's relationship, as well as him being a POC. Apart from Linda's comment in the settlement negotiation, I don't think the video was even mentioned once in all the hate comments we saw. There was no indication of the media or the public having dragged it back up either (or asked who filmed and leaked it, but that's another matter entirely). Nor were there any references to Simon having already received some hate after the leak - on the contrary, it seemed like he was completely blindsided by all the vitriol. I do realise that the scale was much bigger this time around, but still.
Circling back to the August-Simon conflict, there's also another aspect that is easily overlooked. Namely, that Simon himself actually seemed pretty content to just put all his dealings with August to rest after the settlement was finalised. The only time the two of them even interacted after that was all about Sara. It could have also been an opportunity to show Simon's own feelings, but that didn't materialise.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Simon could still use that apology, but I never got the impression that he needed it the way we fans needed to see it. Based on S3, you might even think their only source of conflict was Simon coincidentally being on the video, and when that was settled, Simon was okay just moving on with his life.
Which brings me back to the ending.
I always figured that August was portrayed as genuinely remorseful towards the end. Yes, I would have liked to see more of his growth and development (even just showing his reaction to the sale of Årnäs instead of having Simon say that Wille said it was a fitting punishment would've worked wonders)... But the authorial intent seemed to be that he had already taken enough steps. His and Wille's reconciliation was as sincere as anything could get, with Wille not forgiving him as such but agreeing to move on, start healing, and even wish each other well. Wille was sincere when he congratulated August upon graduation and tapped him as the next king, thinking he was well suited for the job (it's the narrative that frames it as a sort of punishment, not Wille).
Crucially, Simon doesn't seem bothered by this. If both Wille and August had truly just ignored the harm caused to Simon and reconciled amongst themselves, with Wille essentially giving August the position that everyone but August still thought was all August ever wanted...while Simon was still hurting and needing the closure of an apology...well. That would actually make Wille look like kind of a terrible partner even right at the end, which clearly wasn't the intention.
We can't be sure if Wille told Simon about the reconciliation when they talked at the lake, but Simon will still know that Wille stepping down means August stepping up, and he is happy about it. Wilmon are off to start a new chapter in their lives, and we don't get the feeling that the lack of an apology to Simon is left as an unresolved issue between them (or between them and August).
So...yeah. I guess I'm just trying to point out that this seems to be another example of a previously important plot line being dropped from S3, and to a lesser degree, also another example of execution vs. authorial intent.
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And she had no fear
There are many reasons why I love (Don't Fear) The Reaper, and none of them have to do with being a legend. Chasing glory will never get you far.
Friends get you far. Love does.
Most of those reasons have to do with how I roleplay my V and what makes more sense for her to choose at the end of it all. She knows that Panam would ride to hell and back with her, same as Rogue would for Johnny, but she'd rather not let anybody else die in her wake. A further reason (a bigger one) is that V doesn't want to surrender her body to Johnny for what could be her final hours. After all they've been through, however, she doesn't want to spend them without him either. They've been through hell and high water together. She had taken his hand, she had become like they are.
CDPR gave us many opportunities to bond with Johnny throughout the game, be it through casual (or not-so-casual) dialogue or by giving him closure with some of his friends and ex-lovers. None of that is enough to unlock this ending, though, and in my opinion that's one small, brilliant detail (among many) in how Johnny was written.
You see, this man had his own way with people for a long, long time. And when they realized what brand of asshole he was, they turned their back on him--which, hey, fair. Now there's this merc he screws over just as he did everybody else who cared about him, and she rightly gives him shit for it. V knows him better than anybody else at this point (Johnny is a literal witness to that knowledge), and yet, she finds it in her to give him another chance. The last one, sure. But nobody had done that before, knowing what she knows.
It's no wonder that the ending in which he trusts V enough to storm Arasaka tower with him, on their lonesome, is only possible when V shows Johnny she trusts him enough not to blow his last chance at friendship.
So yeah, there are a lot of reasons why I absolutely love this ending, and most of them are sappy. Sorry, this was meant to be a funny one. Let's get on with it: Did you know that the Arasaka guards at the HQ will get more scared the longer you fight hordes and hordes of them without going down? I've compiled most, if not all, of them.
They're fairly confident in the lobby. A random merc just strolled in like it was a supermarket, no biggy. Shit starts to get real when the random merc manages to make her way down to netrun operations control.
The sheer panic in their voice is conveyed even through text. Yelling about needing backup, covering fire--wondering how the fuck she's still standing against a building full of Arasaka soldiers. They're not just scared, they're bewildered.
By the time V reaches the tower's mainframe, they know they're not getting out of there alive. Some kind of demon has been unleashed in Arasaka HQ, and they're cannon fodder.
I have to give it to CDPR: They wrote one hell of an end for V's story--both the meaningful trigger and the mission itself, full of little details that make it feel viscerally real. The relic eating away at what's left of V's body while she's still in it; Johnny's help and support, for the first time letting go of the snarky façade; tasting the fear of your enemies in their voice as you perform a feat never seen before. There's no going back if you flatline--it's an all in. You, and the tech that was designed to replace you, fighting side by side against impossible odds.
We all know there are no happy endings in Night City, and Cyberpunk 2077 is a tragedy in three acts. But I would be lying if I said that there is no happiness at all in some of the choices we make, the causes we fight for, or the ways in which we say goodbye.
All in all, I'd say this is a pretty good one.
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My Issue with The Infamous Louis Panel
I think y’all know exactly what I’m talking about so let me just dive into it.
Aside from Louis being a total hypocrite and being involved with the very livestock business HE came from, this panel had the potential to completely change Louis’ character and (possibly) his influence on the Beastars plot but this panel is NEVER mentioned again. You could cut it from the entire plot and it literally wouldn’t impact the story whatsoever.
So next to it making Louis no better than the carnivores that sold him as livestock (or pretty much exactly like them!), it’s probably the most uselessness panel in the entire manga! (Or one of the top ten worst plot points from the story, whatever you wanna call it)
That all being said, here’s how I approach it in my fanfics…Completely ignore it! I acknowledge and include Louis being involved in and witnessing some illegal stuff while boss of the Shishigumi, but just the drug and meat dealing/eating and cannibalism on his part.
Now, here’s what I think SHOULD have happened with this panel:
Have an entire chapter dedicated to it and it showing Louis’ shock and horror that the livestock business is somehow still active, demand the immediate release of the poor kids in it, and then use his status as the Shishigumi’s boss to find out how he ended up being sold as livestock and where his birth parents are.
OR! This but Louis has time to really think about it and weigh his options: Chose his own survival and truly become a predator animal, just like carnivores or try to save those children and risk his own life in doing so (I was convinced the Shishigumi would kill him if he attempted something like that when I first read the manga and I could see a similar situation happening here too-albeit maybe it would have been whoever runs the livestock trade or it’s customers).
Side thought: If Louis were forced into it (meaning he didn’t want to be part of the livestock trade and tried to have it shit down but was told he could be killed/eaten if he didn’t), he could have had a total identity crisis and feeling immense guilt and (possibly) a real bonding moment where members of the Shishigumi try to comfort him and reveal that this is what life in the Black Market is truly like: That everyone is prey that can be killed and eaten at any time. A place to kill or be killed.
In either scenario, Louis would be forced to re-think his entire belief system and previous convictions about what it means to be predator and prey animals and which side he’s on. This could have also been a chance for him to truly come to terms with his past and find closure for what had happened to him, which arguably could have been just as impactful (if not more so) than Louis meeting Ibuki and the Shishigumi.
TLDR: That panel of Louis selling kids as livestock is completely useless and is a terrible missed opportunity for character growth and serious angst.
#beastars#beastars manga#beastars thoughts#beastars anime#Beastars louis#louis Beastars#More of me ranting about things I dislike about my favorite anime lol#beastars ramblings#beastars shishigumi
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20 questions for writers
I was tagged by @pia-writes-things (ty!!! ❤️)
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
46!
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
703,271. Which is, um, a lot.
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Good Girls (formerly), HPI (formerly), and l'Art du Crime. There's also a random bit for les Combattantes, and one GG fic has a shared universe with Graceland. I'm very mono-fandom lol.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Take A Dip
It's All Coming Back To Me
It Hurts When I See You Struggle
Love And War
We're Living In A Powder Keg And Giving Off Sparks
Unsurprisingly, these are all GG fics, although I don't think my kudos ranking is accurate because most of these were impacted by the great kudos-bombing gate from 2020 so it's hard to tell what's actually my most kudo-ed fic.
5. Do you respond to comments?
Absolutely. My secret goal is to keep the conversation going back and forth for the longest possible time because I love the opportunity for a good ramble about my writing 😈
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I wanna say Ad vitam æternam (L'art du crime)? I mean, it's literally an MCD fic, so, not that merry... Also if I remember correctly, Always lost in the sea (HPI) doesn't end on a very hopeful note either.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I don't know? All of them? None? I generally tend to go for happy open endings with that extra bit of bittersweet so I really couldn't tell. But hey, maybe the ending to that thing I'm currently writing actually is the happiest of it all, because oh boy, things do get cheesy at some point 🥺
8. Do you get hate on fics?
No at all! Unless you count that one person who commented on several chapters of whichever long GG fic I wrote just to point blank hate on Beth character lol
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Of course I do (in English only), I like my porn toxic and desperate and angsty with just the right amount of power play and mutual hatred. Basically, I write hatefuck 😂
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
Not really, no... I've tried a couple of times, but I think I'm better at/more interested in mimicking existing interactions than inventing a dynamic between characters who never met canonically (and also, boy the kind of SETUP you need to justify some characters crossing paths... it's just too much work). I'm more of a cameo/easter egg kind of writer, so once in a while I'll allow a character from another fandom to pop up in a fic and say hi, but it's really a blink-and-you'll-miss-it kind of encounter.
I guess my craziest attempt would be that Crazy Ex-Girlfriend / Good Girls crossover that I never finished though, cause like, super different moods?
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I'm aware of but I don't really attempt to know
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes! By myself lol. I once posted a fic in two languages before acknowledging it was a hell of an additional work 😭
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Kinda? We never finished nor even posted it but at some point we shared a quite unhinged co-writing story with @whiskeyjack and @00gangfriend00 and it was a lot of fun 🥰
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
You... you guys have that? You don't just live by your Ship of the Moment just to instantly forget about it and hop on the Next Ship when it shows up? I'm sorry but I don't think I have one of those.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
What a trap question!!! 😂
It's All Coming Back To Me, obviously. Look, I really really want to finish it, not even for me at this point, but for the 120-something people who subscribed to it, for the faithful readers who still leave me comments every now and then hoping for closure. I know how it ends. I have it partially written. I just don't seem to know how to write for Good Girls anymore, and getting my head back into it feels like such an insurmountable load of work, I just- I'm trying, ok?
But like, if someone's interested in helping, or even writing that ending based on my notes (and getting full and proper credits for it obvi), just let me know! I'm really open to it 🥲
16. What are your writing strengths?
Probably dialogues? I've been told many times that my dialogues feel very close to the original, and the thing is, I write about TV shows and I have a very good ear so I think I catch quite easily the actors' voices and tones and mannerisms in my head, so every time I write down a line, I play it several times in my mind with the character's voice to determine whether they would say it like that or not. Looks like it's not working so bad.
Also I *think* I'm not too bad at stream-of-consciousness inner monologues. At least it's one of my favourite things to write so there's that.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Action scenes (that includes sex lol). Filling the gaps between the important parts. Descriptions. Setting up the scene.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
Like, featuring two different languages inside the same fic, or writing in different languages? I'm not sure I've ever really written the first one? I guess I find it a bit clunky, occasionally I've written scenes that included a character whose native language wasn't the one of the fic, and I'd give them a line or two if that's relevant to the plot (for instance, if characters are lost somewhere in another country, I can add a line/dialogue in another language for comedic effect. Or it can be a way for a character to whisper something for themselves), but the logistics are quite nightmarish, you gotta either assume your audience knows the second language, or translate the lines in the author's note, or have another character translate it in a way that doesn't sound too articifial, that's really really tedious haha
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Good Girls.
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
You think I know that? Out of FOURTY-SIX??? Lol. Get out.
Tagging: @sdktrs12 @joeyjoeylee if you're around @riosnecktattoo @humanbra @hemerae-ramblings @sothischickshe @asteraceae-blue
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Fic: Proposal
Fandom/pairing: Glee, Kurt/Blaine
Event: December Klaine Fanworks Challenge 2023
Words: ~2200 words
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Blaine proposes they try something new sexually. Somehow, that turns into a proposal of another kind.
Notes: This is part of my Mormon!Klaine universe. It takes place after Out of Eden, which I am still in the process of posting to AO3. It’s among the likely possibilities for their future.
* * *
They collapsed against the mattress, shades of pink and mauve blotching their skin. Wow. They were getting good at this. Really good. And it's not like they'd had that many opportunities to tune their skills, what with this party and that get-together and this church activity and that double-date with Tina and Mike—not to mention that Blaine's mother was always around and the cats were constantly vying for Blaine's attention.
But now here they were, together, no one in the house except for them (and the cats,who were asleep in the sunroom). They had so far used their time together very wisely, starting with kissing and proceeding with stripping and then a slow, langorous session of licking and sucking, tapering off back to kisses when either of them got too excited, and that was its own kind of paradise, just being able to hold Blaine and make him shiver with even Kurt’s more demure touches.
Their desire had ebbed and troughed, ebbed and troughed, until finally they surrendered to the ascent. Kurt took Blaine’s cock into his mouth as he moved inside Blaine’s, and Blaine made an eager sound, sucking harder on Kurt, and he let Kurt take more of him, and more, until Kurt’s nose almost touched the downy pubic hair on Blaine’s balls.
Mmmm, Blaine groaned, his tongue moving on Kurt’s dick like he was trying to say something, and then another, mmm-hmmm, but he didn’t pull away to give his praises clearer enunciation. He just curled his fingers into Kurt’s buttocks and drew him deeper into his mouth until the head of Kurt’s erection was nestled tightly between Blaine's tongue and the top of his throat, and then it was Kurt’s turn to mmm-mmm-mmmmmm and he was glad he didn't even have the choice to use words, because what words could he possibly use to describe how good this felt, to be here with Blaine in sacred privacy, giving and receiving pleasure?
Blaine was on his back and his legs fell open, revealing the dimpled closure between his buttocks. He moved rhythmically, tilting his pelvis in tiny thrusts to better move his cock in Kurt's mouth, spreading his legs wider, lifting them up, up, up so that his knees were behind Kurt now and his feet were above Kurt's head, barely in his peripheral vision. The dimpled closure became less closed, its wrinkles smoothing out slightly, and Kurt suspected that Blaine was putting a show on for him, that he was exposing this vulnerable place because he wanted Kurt inside it.
The first time Kurt had fingered Blaine, it had been at Blaine’s lead, Blaine moaning as he pressed his own finger against his hole and said, “Kurt, let me show you how I need you.” And he had done exactly that: shown Kurt—not just with his finger but also with the way his shoulders flushed and his bottom lip quivered and he let out a delighted gasp as his finger pushed in. He had let Kurt watch him touch himself in this most intimate way, and Kurt had felt so beautifully overwhelmed by how hot Blaine was and the privilege of seeing him spread out like this, giving himself over to desire without shame. And then he became even more overwhelmed with want and love and goodness as Blaine took Kurt’s hand and guided him into that lubricated heat.
In that private moment between them, in the sharing of their hallowed lust, something inside Kurt melted—some bitter, jagged piece of him full of fear and shame—and washed out of him, never to return.
Kurt didn't need Blaine to guide him now. Even with their scant opportunities for intimate encounters, he was starting to understand the intricacies of Blaine’s body language during sex. And he knew by the way Blaine was exposing himself what Blaine needed: He needed Kurt to stretch him open and make him feel things he hadn't, until Kurt, known his body was capable of feeling.
Kurt slicked his fingers and pressed against Blaine’s closure until it gave slightly, transforming from closure into opening, and then gave more, letting Kurt's fingertip sink slowly in by degrees, and Blaine sighed with pleasure, and he clenched around Kurt's finger and relaxed and clenched again, and as Kurt moved in further he was no longer the one pushing—no, Kurt was being pulled, being dragged hungrily into Blaine’s body by the muscular strength of Blaine’s desire.
Kurt slid in and out, in and out, sometimes gently and sometimes roughly, keeping time with Blaine’s mouth on his cock, letting Blaine set the pace of their explorations, until Blaine's moans grew more and more desperate, his mouth gasping around Kurt’s hardness, sucking frantically and then going lax, too distracted by the things Kurt was doing to his ass to concentrate with the single-minded focus he usually approached blowjobs with—but Kurt didn’t mind, because Blaine was so hot when he got like this, wanton and needy, lost in the pleasure Kurt was giving him.
Oh Kurt, I need, I need, I need Blaine cried, and he took Kurt back into his mouth, its heat tighter and wetter than Kurt had yet experienced, and then Blaine was bobbing frantically over Kurt’s shaft, his fingers digging into Kurt's thighs, his ass clenching, and everything was moving in perfect time, they were moving together, their thrusts and moans coaxing each other into higher and higher states of pleasure, and Blaine was so lost in it he didn't whisper a warning or try to pull Kurt off when he was about to come—and that was hot, too, that Kurt was learning to detect the signs on his own now, to detect the unique way that Blaine's cock swelled and his ass clenched and he whimpered, yes whimpered, out of desperation and hope and abject need—and Kurt gave even more to his lover, encouraging him to let his body do what it wanted, because Blaine’s body was beautifully and rightly made and its desires were good, so so good, so lovely, and Blaine was lovely, and he became somehow even lovelier as he arched against the bed and came with a muffled cry—so overwhelming in his loveliness that Kurt vaulted into an orgasm that he’d forgotten he’d even wanted, so lost he’d been in experiencing Blaine unfold.
Kurt rolled onto his side as his breath began to slow and placed his hand on Blaine's chest. “This is perfect,” he said. “I needed this.” It was like being back in their little apartment in Germany, when they could pretend they were the only two people in the world. They had five whole hours to themselves, and their phones were on silent—with only Cooper's number set as privileged, so that if for some reason he and his mother were to return earlier than planned, they would get plenty of warning. That wasn't likely, though. Kurt's mind boggled at all the things they still might do today.
“Me too.” Blaine kissed Kurt’s forehead. “And just think, we've only used up one hour.”
“Mmmm,” Kurt hummed happily. “What would you like to do with the other four?”
“I really, really want—" Blaine said, with a heat that should have been impossible so soon after their shared orgasms “—I really want you to fuck me.”
This particular desire of Blaine's was no surprise—even without the fingering, it was something they had talked about a number of times—but the immediacy and earnestness in Blaine’s voice sent a rush like intoxication through Kurt’s body. He wondered if this was what it felt like to drink champagne. Before Blaine, he had never expected another man to want him this way. But here Blaine was, after all those years of Kurt pushing down his own desires, shaming himself over them—here Blaine was, once more telling him, The things you long to give are good, and I long to receive them from you.
And oh, how Kurt wanted to give this. He had spent many, many hours upon returning from his mission remembering the blinking heat he had only gotten brief glances of in their Ingolstadt apartment, fantasizing about being inside it, about Blaine's body clenching around his shaft, about them fucking in fields and hot tubs and mussed-up sheets; and he’d only had The Joy of Gay Sex for two months, but already he’d lost count of how many times he’d come while looking at the pictures of men fucking each other in different positions and imagining that it was him inside Blaine.
Kurt wanted it. But he also loved to tease Blaine. “Don't you think we should save something for marriage?” he laughed.
Blaine didn't laugh. He looked at Kurt thoughtfully. “Are you afraid? That it's going to far? Or too fast?”
“Oh,” said Kurt. “Not at all. I mean, maybe it’s faster than I expected, but it has been a long, long year. If you’re ready, Blaine, then I am.”
Blaine smiled at Kurt softly and gave him a peck on the cheek. “You're so sweet. The sweetest boyfriend ever. But maybe you're right. Maybe we should wait for marriage. I mean, I don't regret anything we've done, and I want to do so many more things, but … Maybe there is something to saving part of yourself for the wedding night. I guess we don't have to throw out the baby with the bathwater.”
Kurt felt his heart sink. Why had he made that stupid joke? He had no idea when they would ever have the chance to get married. It might be years, and depending on the state they settled in, and maybe not even then.
“So,” Blaine said, sitting up against the headboard and pulling Kurt up with him by the hands, clutching them eagerly, his face lit up like he’d just walked out of a bowtie factory. “I think we should get married. Now.”
“This afternoon? Is it legal in Arizona?”
“I don't mean this afternoon, I just mean—”
“It's not legal in Ohio or California, either,” Kurt said, trying to be patient, but feeling the joy of their solitude begin to fray. The realities of the world were infringing on the space they had made for themselves.
“Cooper said it’s legal now in Arizona. But I just keep thinking … ever since we talked about driving to Salt Lake to visit the temple after Cooper goes back to L.A. … I keep thinking, if we were any other returned missionary couple that's totally crazy for each other and can't wait to begin a life together—I mean, a straight one—we would probably try to get married while we were there. That's what I keep thinking about. How I want to be married to you, now and not later. And obviously we can't get sealed in the temple, but it would still mean something to me to get married while we’re there.”
Kurt didn't know what to say. He was blindsided. He was giddy and confused and trying to follow the logic of everything, but also he didn't need to follow the logic, because something about it made so much sense. He squeezed Blaine’s hands.
“I mean, ideally, I want to have a wedding with our friends and family there, but it’s going to take time until that can happen. And I know our situation isn't perfect now, either, and there are a lot of things we need to figure out about our living situation and my family and school and the church and everything else, but that doesn't matter to me—because after spending a year apart from you, the one thing I don't need to figure out is that I love you and want to be with you no matter what, and I want to do that as your husband.” Blaine swallowed heavily, and his eyes were glowing with unshed tears but they were smiling, and his whole face was bright with joy, and he was looking at Kurt as if just getting to share the same space as him was an incomparable blessing. “So, what do you think, Kurt? Will you marry me?”
Kurt was breathing rapidly and there were tears streaming out of his eyes and he had not expected to get proposed to today, and if he had known it was coming he would have been able to come up with a hundred and three objections for why now was not the right time. But Blaine was looking at him so earnestly, and he was right—their lives were a complete mess, but waiting wasn't going to make them any less messy—or, in any case, there would always be enough mess to justify it not being the right time or the right place. But Kurt loved Blaine. And he knew, in his heart of hearts, that they belonged together and made each other better people, and that God had brought them into each other's lives for that very reason. And sure, Kurt could delay, but he didn't want to delay. He was, for all intents and purposes, already married to Blaine in his heart.
“Yes. Yes!” Kurt said, gasping and crying and so, so happy. “I will, as soon as you want. I’ll marry you.”
#december klaine challenge 2023#day 7: hall#mormon!klaine#wowbright writes fic#klaine fic#klaine fanfic#klaine fanfiction
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ATLA LIVE ACTION RANT/MANIFESTO
After watching it I started typing and couldn't stop. Sorry it's really really long and probably not very coherent.
(Since I wrote this, Big Joel put up a vid on his side channel talking about his thoughts on the first episode and he had a lot of points I agree with so watch that too if you’re interested) <- eta: ok jk sorry it already got taken off youtube it's only on his patreon now
I really dislike starting the story with the beginning of the war. It's like they don’t trust the audience enough to care about the protagonists without laying out all the Big Important World Context out right at the start, or they don’t trust us enough to understand non-linear storytelling. I’m trying really hard not to just hate on changes simply for being different than the show I grew up with, because god knows I have my own issues with it. There are scenes that are nearly shot-for-shot, line-for-line remakes of the original, which makes the parts they change really jarring and frustrating. I don't mind the way they combined some episodes or storylines or changed some details, like, June being the one who hits on Iroh instead of the other way around, but other changes just feel like they either miss something fundamental (to me) about the characters or the story or are just… arbitrary, which is almost worse.
One thing that REALLY frustrated me right from the start was that Aang wasn’t actually trying to run away. He goes flying to “clear his head” and gets caught in a storm coincidentally right as he says “ok Appa let’s head home”. Why? Everyone treats him like a coward anyway. Everyone is way meaner to him than in the cartoon about something that, in this version of the story, objectively was not his fault. Why? In the cartoon, he feels intense shame that he wasn’t there for everyone, even though he was twelve and about to be taken from the only person that wanted him to have a childhood, and he got so overwhelmed and scared by what the world expected from him that he tried to run away from it. In the live action, he gets to reunite with the spirit of Gyatso, who says, “you couldn’t have done anything if you had stayed. You just would have died,” (paraphrasing bc I can’t be bothered to give it more views just to get exact quotes) which is fine, I don’t think he needed a spirit world reunion with Gyatso but I can accept it. But if that’s what that gives Aang closure, what is the point of changing him to be less responsible for disappearing? In the cartoon Katara is the one who reassures Aang and helps him process his guilt, representing the people of the present who he can still help. The live action has the voice of the past, the people that he’s ‘failed’, reaching forward in time to absolve him of any sins. And remember that in this version he literally was trying to go home. It just feels like they’re trying to remove moral complexity from his character.
Less importantly (except to me maybe) I think that showing us the Air Temple pre-genocide removes impact of seeing it for the first time in the cartoon. I loved Aang hyping it up to Katara and Sokka, unwilling to believe that it could have fallen. It almost makes the viewer think maybe some of them could have survived in secret. Then, the contrast between his idyllic memories and reality start to sink in. It was an incredibly hard-hitting moment, dulled in live action by the audience having seen exactly what happened to the temple already (including an incredibly hamfisted “you can’t beat us while we have the power of the comet!” line from who I think was Sozin.) I think Momo is pretty cute though.
Another thing that pissed me off was the way they handled the Agni Kai: They combine Zuko's duels with Zhao and Ozai into one, where Zuko not only fights back against his father but gets an opportunity to deliver (presumably) a winning blow and hesitates. This choice weakens important aspects of his backstory and, to me, flattens his relationship with Ozai: 1) That he was never a prodigy firebender like Azula, feeding the inferiority complex that Ozai fostered 2) The Agni Kai was meant to be public humiliation, meant to teach Zuko ‘respect’. It was in front of hundreds of people, and it was a thirteen-year-old child against a full grown firebending master. Zuko prostrates himself and begs his father for mercy. His refusal to even fight embarrasses Ozai by exemplifying the 'weakness' Zuko's mother 'instilled' in him. In his duel with Zhao, Zuko makes a conscious choice to be merciful despite Zhao telling him to “do it” and kill him. Despite knowing how the fire nation views it as weakness, as cowardice, especially in this specific setting. It foreshadows his later choices, and shows his innate kindness. Combining the two duels doesn't allow us to see that parallel nor that growth. Reducing his act of mercy to a mere hesitation in the moment of victory, furthermore, reduces his agency.
In fact, the adaptation softens a lot of Zuko's role as an antagonist, giving most of his actually villainous actions from the cartoon to other characters. They keep him capturing Aang in the South Pole, but Zhao leads the attack on Kyoshi village, they remove the episode with the pirates (s1e9), combine aspects of episode s1e15 ‘Bato of the Water Tribe’ with ‘the Blue Spirit’ (s1e13) and ‘the winter solstice’ (s1e7/8) removing three instances of Zuko capturing or attacking Aang in favor of one with Zhao capturing and Zuko rescuing him. But I guess they add a fight in Omashu. Look, this is inevitable as a result of combining 20 episodes into 8. I don’t really mind streamlining a lot of these episodes, nor removing others (having episodes like ‘the great divide’ and ‘the fortuneteller’ only referenced as rumors Zuko hears in a bar is cute, to be honest), though the change to the Bato episode where Sokka merely has a flashback of his father implying he thinks Sokka is an incompetent warrior is a really unnecessary and bad change, to me. But they took out almost every instance of Zuko posing an actual threat to Aang and replaced it with one fight scene in Omashu. To me, what it feels like is the show runners know Zuko is going to become a Good Guy and thus they don’t want to make him act too Bad.
On the topic of Kyoshi island: giving Aang a reason to go there aside from wanting to ride the giant Koi, whatever. Removing Sokka’s chauvinism, okay, I guess. But it ends up replaced with extremely awkward flirting between him and Suki that feels motivated by nothing beyond each being the first non-relative young adult of their preferred gender either one has ever met. Whether or not you want to have Sokka start off sexist, and that could be a whole conversation on its own, him humbling himself enough to ask Suki for instruction was an important moment of growth for him that he doesn’t really have in this version. And they don’t even put Sokka in the dress and makeup!!! BOO! Also minor moment but I think it’s also sus for the show to have Suki remove her makeup as soon as it’s time for her to be a love interest and then just not wear it again. BOO!! She looked really cool though. It’s not like I think her first appearance in the cartoon is full of depth or whatever, and I think the cartoon turned her into a cardboard cutout as soon as she became a love interest, but it’s like the live action clipped through a wall straight to my least favorite parts of s3 Suki. It’s just disappointing. I also don’t like Aang being able to just talk to Kyoshi and his other past lives so easily but that might just be my cartoon-purist talking.
I didn’t mind putting Jet and Teo into Omashu, even though I think Danny Pudi’s ‘I had no choice’ justification for working for the Fire Nation holds up less well when he’s in a position of privilege in an Earth Kingdom stronghold as opposed to protecting a community of refugees in an isolated air temple. I don’t think they needed to add the Cave of Lovers plot from season 2 into the mix though. Not only that, but to rework that plotline so that 1) Aang isn’t even there, 2) it’s Sokka’s idea to put out their lights and follow the crystals, 3) that’s not actually The Solution 4) badgermoles can sense…. Emotions???????? Sorry that’s so fucking stupid it makes me angry. They include the legend where Oma and Shu learned earthbending from the badgermoles, so why would these giant creatures have learned to sense human emotion instead of the pre-existing explanation from the cartoon: sensing the world through the earth. You know, the thing that connects them to Toph’s earthbending. I guess setting up stuff as far away as… next season… isn’t important. They used the stuff from the season 2 episode “the swamp” for aspects of the winter solstice plot anyway, which is where Aang originally had a vision of Toph and thus was able to identify her as an earthbender in spite of her appearance. I guess they can come up with something else, but it’s just a decision that feels arbitrary. Sokka could have had his flashback without the spirit vision, but since this is before he meets and loses Yue they needed something, I guess. At this point I’m describing these changes not necessarily because I think they’re inherently bad but because I want to describe how fragile this jenga tower is getting, and how unnecessary they feel.
Ultimately it’s like… the things they’re the most faithful to are all the most surface-level easter egg references, while missing or changing the actual soul of the source material. Gran Gran gives the opening monologue word-for-word because Fans Will Get It. They include Bumi’s rock candy trick and lettuce leaf joke but make him resentful and angry at Aang for no reason I can understand. Sokka isn’t sexist anymore, he just has issues where his dad apparently thinks he ‘shouldn’t have lives in his hands’. Ozai is… wait- is he tearing up while he scars Zuko’s face?
I know we all love Daniel Dae Kim but we did not need Ozai so much this season, let alone Azula, let alone Mai and Ty Lee. We especially didn’t need a scene where Ozai praises Zuko to Azula while belittling her. For the record, because people defending this scene seem to think the issue is that the rest of us fail to understand that Ozai is playing his children against each other: That is not the issue. It’s that he did not play his children against each other in this specific way. He uses Azula to show Zuko how much he fails to measure up and threaten his position as heir, and he uses the example of Zuko’s failure to keep Azula in line. If she’s good enough and Zuko is bad enough maybe she’ll become heir. After all, that’s what happened to Ozai and Iroh. They are allowed to change this dynamic in adaptation but personally I think it’s a change for the worse, and the shot of tears in his eyes as he abuses his son lends credibility to an interpretation that maybe he does want Zuko to succeed. Lol. The cartoon focuses on Iroh’s reaction, his inability to watch, instead of Ozai’s… emotional conflict? Or whatever.
Katara and Sokka getting stuck in the spirit world as a replacement for their fever in The Blue Spirit is fine, I think condensing that plot and the winter solstice works decently. It’s fine that they changed Aang’s motivation for finding Roku to be getting info on how to save his friends instead of getting crucial info about Sozin’s Comet. After all, they clumsily introduced that in episode 1. It’s honestly fine (Read with as much cope in my voice as you want.) Combining that with Zuko’s half of The Storm is also…. Okay, even if I’ve already described why I don’t like how they adapted Zuko’s backstory. What frustrates me is that The Storm parallels Aang and Zuko’s backstories in a way that works really well with the events in The Blue Spirit. In fact, they’re back-to-back episodes. But the live action has moved Aang’s backstory to the beginning of the first episode. So instead of getting to see how they’re both constrained by the roles and times they were born into, and how heavily others’ expectations weigh on both of them, we have to have Aang explicitly spell it out for us. Rewatching these two episodes of the cartoon I was just really struck by how efficient the storytelling is. All Aang has to say after he’s saved Zuko is that he misses his friend from the Fire Nation, and that he wonders if he and Zuko could have been friends if they’d been born into a different time. All Zuko has to do is attack him in response. Because we’ve just seen why they can’t be friends in this time, in this world. The live action has to create some plot point about Aang having stolen Zuko’s diary, and Zuko having researched Airbender culture or something. They bond a little bit over brushes before Aang goes like ‘why don’t you turn against your family?’ The conversation (before that part) is cute, just like, not a good replacement for trusting the audience.
I guess once we’ve gotten this far it doesn’t matter much that Katara and Sokka have been captured by Koh, because of course they were. Yeah, they changed how it works, yeah, now he steals your face once you’ve succumbed to despair or something. Whatever. At this point it feels like nitpicking to point out that what made Koh so scary was that he would steal your face if you showed him any emotion at all. Who cares anymore.
^ok I wrote most of that before having seen the last two episodes, which cover the last three episodes of the first season of the cartoon. Dude it got even worse somehow. It’s been a couple days and my friends and I rewatched all of s1 of the original show in the meantime.
First of all, the changes to the dynamic between Hahn, Sokka, and Yue were completely inexplicable to me. Yue gets nominally ‘empowered’ in the sense that she’s no longer trapped in an arranged marriage to a total shithead, but at the same time they made Hahn seem like a… genuinely good guy? He’s humble, asks Sokka for his expertise, and nobly accepts that Yue broke up with him. When asked about it, Yue says ‘he’s great, he’s just not the guy of my dreams’, before kissing Sokka. (They also reveal that she was the sexy fox spirit that flirted with Sokka in the spirit world —I didn’t mention it before because I didn’t think it mattered at the time— so I guess we are meant to believe that Sokka is the boy of her dreams. Which we know from these two and a half conversations that manage to be way less cute than the awkward/shy flirting from the original show.) Even if they wanted to completely change Hahn’s character, Yue’s conflict in the original show was between her heart and what she saw as her responsibility to her people. They could just as easily have kept that element: that she isn’t in love with Hahn, but that for Political Reasons can’t just break things off. That’s way more interesting! But I do love a forbidden romance, so maybe that’s just me. The adaptation does say that they were at one point betrothed, which raises more questions than it answers. If both of their parents were anticipating this marriage so much that they set it up years in advance, why were they okay with her just breaking things off because she didn’t like him like that? Are arranged marriages in the Northern Water Tribe (I’m so sorry I forgot the name they gave it in this adaptation) purely meant to be love matches? There’s no financial or political element at all? Even for a princess? Whatever. Hahn still dies, this time it’s just offscreen. This time I’m actually a little sad for him, if just for his wasted potential.
They actually take out the engagement necklace stuff altogether, including the history between Pakku and Katara’s grandma, and the story of how and why she fled. I don’t really know why but maybe they thought “you lost the so-called love of your life to backward practices” was a weak reason to change his mind. So instead they have it that he doesn’t change his mind but it turns out Katara doesn’t need a master anyway because she’s already good enough to be a master! Despite not having been able to waterbend ‘more than a thimbleful’ before meeting Aang, and us not really getting to see her train at all. Gran Gran gave her the waterbending scroll she stole from the pirates in the cartoon, so I guess we can assume that contained everything you’d ever need to know. She loses the fight but wins the hearts and minds of the people. The women of the tribe support her when she goes against Pakku and go “we want to fight too!” Oh, did I mention this is all after they realize the Fire Navy is at their doorstep, so it’s less a fight about the right to learn waterbending than about the right to fight in war. And then again the issue of Katara needing to learn from Pakku is sidestepped by her magically being good enough now on her own. I don’t actually mind the change to include other women from the North standing up against sexism but to be honest I don’t understand taking out the betrothal stuff. It was a deliberate parallel in the cartoon- women trapped in loveless arranged marriages and also forbidden from learning any waterbending aside from healing. But whatever, it’s a choice. I can live with it.
What I don’t like is the way they’ve undermined Katara’s journey in season 1. Aang teaches Katara how to waterbend at first, and she also doesn’t learn to heal on her own before an elder shows her how to do it. In the cartoon, she’s been trying and figuring things out on her own all her life. Her hunger to find someone to teach her is a major motivator for why she wants to go to the North Pole. We see her struggle, get intensely frustrated and jealous that Aang picks up waterbending more naturally than she does, and work really hard at it. Her dedication and hard work are what Pakku eventually praises about her when he teaches her. He compares her to Aang, who is naturally talented but distracted. This is after an indeterminate amount of time, but whatever, condensed timeline, 8 episodes, whatever. We don’t even see Aang waterbend at all this season, which is kind of wild to me. I guess if you take out the Summer Solstice Comet deadline to master all four elements (which they did) Aang doesn’t really need to rush. Instead they kind of just have Aang have a thing of like “I have my friends to help me” which is….. ok….. Oh wait, is this why they don’t care that much about foreshadowing Toph? Are they just not gonna bother having Aang learn the elements and just have her show up and join them for whatever reason? Is that why they just totally removed ‘The Deserter’? Wait sorry, I’m assuming they’re planning that far in advance at all, my bad.
Okay also like I have to talk about this because it bothers me so much. Zhao was handled so badly. Whatever, have a Fire sage just give him the moon/ocean spirit exposition in a flashback instead of the way it unfolded in the cartoon (I guess we’re already not bothering to set up the great library since the gaang already met wan shi tong, I guess that’s… fine… Appa can get captured a different way, if they’re even going to bother with that plotline in season 2. If they’re even going to do a season 2.) Sure, the moon and ocean spirits are only in the physical realm and vulnerable for ‘only one night’ now as opposed to permanently. Zhao knows this but not that they’re fish. Okay. Whatever. Blah blah blah. Those are personal nitpicks. But what really gets me is that in the end, Iroh and Zuko kill Zhao. Or rather, Zuko doesn’t finish him off, Zhao tries to attack when his back is turned, and Iroh finishes him off (similar to the way their Agni Kai in the cartoon plays out.) In the cartoon, Zhao and Zuko are fighting, Aang-as-Ocean-Spirit grabs Zhao, and Zuko reaches out to try and help Zhao, which Zhao refuses. He chooses to meet his fate at the hands of the spirits he provoked rather than swallow his pride. This is such a good conclusion to Zhao’s character! The live action also fails to set Zhao up as a formidable firebender, which is also not strictly necessary but I think complements other elements of his character well. His first episode in the cartoon includes the Agni Kai between him and Zuko, establishing Zhao both as a firebending master and as someone who values his ambition and pride above all else. In s1e16, ‘the deserter’ we see him as the embodiment of fire’s destructive hunger: he is baited into destroying his own ships in his desire to “win” his fight with Aang. He gloats of how his siege of the North Pole will earn him a place in the history books, and to win he is willing to kill the moon, against Iroh’s exhortations. In the live action, we get a weird revelation that he was working with Azula, and she was the mastermind behind a lot of his plans? Huh? He also “reveals” that Ozai was only ever using Zuko to “motivate his sister”, which is both incredibly heavy-handed and completely redundant. I guess I should mention that the finale has a couple scenes thrown in where Azula is doing firebending training to pass some kind of arbitrary Test Ozai has set for her, while Mai and Ty Lee watch and tell her that her dad is like, being way too hard on her and she knows he’s manipulating her right? Thanks girls!
Anyway, I guess since the live-action completely removed the golden child/failure dynamic between Azula and Zuko we needed something to replace it. The “my father always said Azula was born lucky. He said I was lucky to be born” line summed up that relationship dynamic nicely. Oh well, who needs it. Instead Zuko is good enough to have beaten Ozai in a duel at 13, but Ozai decided he was weak for hesitating. Meanwhile Azula is struggling to meet his expectations. He banished his heir on a mission that, for the last hundred years, was considered a complete dead-end, so that he could, uhhhhh, Motivate her when he miraculously started succeeding. Masterful gambit, sir. Okay sorry to harp on that again. Back to Zhao. Actually, what else is there to say. He has a couple funny lines but he’s just not the same guy at all on either a superficial or deeper level. It’s so disappointing. It’s also just a really weak choice to make Iroh and Zuko responsible for his death. Maybe they couldn’t figure out how to make the special effects look good when the ocean spirit picked him up. It just misses the point of Zhao’s ultimate tragedy, to me. The man so lacking in self-control, so ambitious, so assured in his own superiority, that he saw the spirits themselves as his prey. To be destroyed by the forces he tried to destroy is so poetic! Instead let’s water down Zuko’s mercy and Iroh’s pacifism.
This is all I can remember at this point aside from nitpicks. Do I think the Koh vs Kuruk backstory needed to be spelled out like that? No. Did we need to almost have Momo DIE to get Sokka and Yue to the oasis? Not really. I don’t think the way Zhao “assassinated” Zuko in the live action made as much sense, but we took out the pirates so oh well.
When you get to a certain point I guess the question becomes ‘how much can you change in an adaptation and still call it an adaptation’. What do adaptations owe to their source material? Where does the spirit of a story reside? If the same plot beats happen, does it matter if characters are different? If the characters are faithful, does it matter if events are moved around? If the destination is the same, how much does it matter how you get there? What do I personally want to see in a ‘live-action’ adaptation of Avatar, this show that I loved so much growing up? Well, assuming that “don’t make one” isn’t a possibility, I would have preferred they follow more in One Piece’s footsteps. That adaptation wasn’t perfect either, and it condensed around 100 chapters of manga into 8 hours, but it really felt like it got the characters right. Avatar had a tough job too, but it condensed 7 hours 40 minutes of cartoon into 8 hours of- wait. No. Well at least we got the cabbage merchant.
#u guys dont even know how much the original shaped my adolescence....#for that reason i was probably the most annoying person possible to watch the remake with#thank u to my friends
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For Secret of the Primacy: I don't know if anyone else has asked this, but does Optimus accept Megatron's request? If he does, how to the other Decepticons and Autobots react? If he doesn't, what is Megatron's reaction? Does Optimus take his time to answer?
(Feel free to delete this if someone has already asked/requested something like this.)
Ah yes, an excuse to write for this au. Fantastic.
Previous part here.
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Megatron's offer was a... delicate thing for Optimus to consider. Megatron was his life long foe. Adhering to his request and coming to the Nemesis was akin to stepping into a burning building and praying to any watching higher power that a beam didn't drop on his helm and kill him. But failure to comply was not only an emotional risk, but also a lost opportunity. If he went with Megatron, he would potentially gain access to Decepticon data as well as information regarding his Sire. It was a win for him, and yet it left him suspicious. What did Megatron want?
Out under the stars, Optimus considered in silence until he decided to simply ask.
Optimus: What do you desire from me in return.
Megatron: As I already said, I wish to know more of your origin.
Optimus: You know everything of relevance. What is it you truly seek?
Megatron: Confirmation, or perhaps closure. I am not unfeeling, Prime.
Optimus hesitated, his logical processors left running through countless scenarios as he contemplated. This could end horribly very very quickly. And yet... the offer of information and the chance before him could not be overlooked. Megatron would have killed him already if that was what he wanted. The warlord was looking to gain something from their interactions, and Optimus highly doubted keeping him as a hostage was the full plan. He was, at his core, replaceable. Not to mention if need be, he could still do severe damage to the Nemesis before being brought down.
It was a logical and relatively sound offer. Thus, Optimus requested a day to prepare, and they went their separate ways with a place and a time to meet. Optimus returned to his team and informed them that he would be going on a week long scouting mission and due to the distance, would largely be out of contact. Ratchet wasn't pleased, Arcee wasn't either. Bulkhead and Bumblebee were confused more than anything. But none present wanted to deny Optimus what they assumed was a poor attempt to ask for some alone time. To them, there was no other mech who could use a break more than their Prime.
Ratchet prepared Optimus some rations and requested an update daily. Arcee slipped Optimus a hidden blade to keep in his arm guard in the event that something happened. Bulkhead patted Optimus on the back and wished him well, and Bumblebee gave his Sire a hug. It was a simple but heartfelt farewell for what the team assumed was a simple trip. Guilt plagued Optimus's mind as he elected to not tell them of his plans. They would never allow him to leave, at least not with Megatron. This he needed to do alone. It was dangerous, but in the worst case scenario, he could always call for a ground bridge, or even fight his way out. He'd been on the Nemesis before, and he could hold his own for a limited amount of time against the Decepticons. Megatron was a mech of honor when he felt like it.
It was risky, but there was much to be gained... at least, that was his hope.
He made his way to the designated meeting point even though he knew the team would worry the moment they saw his signature moving far faster than it should have. Once he was at the meeting place, Megatron emerged from a ground bridge and beckoned him to follow with a smile. It was unnerving and Optimus quietly readied his hidden blade just in case things fell apart. However, after venting deeply, he followed Megatron through the portal with only a quick message back to Ratchet.
[[If this doesn't work, I hope you will forgive me. I want to know the truth, and if all goes well, I will gather other vital information as well. Thank you for everything Ratchet. I pray that I will return to you soon.]]
With his message sent, Optimus followed his enemy and stepped aboard the Nemesis. Unease rattled his spark as Megatron smiled and led the way to the Command deck. Optimus did not know what he should have expected, but a vial of sedatives to the neck was not on his list of potential outcomes. He wheezed and his vision blurred, but before he lost consciousness, Arcee's gifted blade found its mark, slashing across Megatron's face even as Optimus was forced into recharge.
When he returned to consciousness, he was strapped down on an examination table and a series of cables connected to his processors through ports normally well hidden. He was too sluggish to move and his whole frame ached. All he was able to do was listen as Megatron began to make plans with Shockwave and Knockout.
Megatron: Does he possess the correct coding?
Knockout: Surprisingly, yes. Despite his physical age and maturity, his coding has not completed its development. He could still theoretically be moved from one frame to another-
Megatron: Excellent. Get that relic out of him and prepare to transfer his spark to a protoform. Ensure the protoform in question is adequately adjusted.
Knockout: My Lord, I will gladly obey, but you must realize that tampering with the relic is highly dangerous! Not to mention moving him to a new frame could cause incredible stress-!
Megatron: What are the issues that concern you, Doctor?
Knockout: The Matrix is tied to him. Trying to remove it could kill him! If you want him dead then by all means go forward with this plan, but if you want a live Prime, he needs that relic at least until I can create a stabilizer to replace it.
Megatron: Very well. Leave the relic until there is a way to remove it. Anything else?
Knockout: He may have the correct coding, but putting him in a protoform is just asking for all sorts of mutations. He needs a stabilizing element, a CNA contribution of some sort considering there are no hot spots for him to go roll in.
Megatron: Then find someone aboard the Nemesis. I want him and that relic dealt with before the cycle's end!
Optimus watched in horror as Megatron grinned down at him. Knockout simply sighed and raised a blade with a murmur about not wanting to damage such a fine frame.
Optimus Prime finally came to fully understand just what his Sire endured as he was picked to pieces for a purpose he did not know. Memory faded in and out as the Doctor worked, but all the while Optimus recalled searching for Ratchet, desperately hoping the mech who treated him so tenderly would come save him. His attempts to call to the team were fruitless, and in his moments of awareness, he noted Knockout had removed his tracker or otherwise blocked the team's ability to find him. He was stranded and alone.
What a foolish decision it was to come to the Nemesis. He regretted it more with every moment and only found himself aware enough to actually process data once more when he came online in a far smaller frame. He was without many features, his new body not yet adjusted to his CNA. The Matrix wrapped around him almost like a ribcage in order to fit his small form. But aside from a few familiar features such as his finials, he also noted a few smaller adjustments, namely the duel datacables that he sensed distantly on his back.
He could not speak, he could not act. Alone and weakened, all he could do was go limp when Soundwave and Megatron came to look him over.
"He has accepted your CNA well. Take care of him Soundwave. Orion's sparkling should be preserved at all costs. I refuse to allow his memory to fade."
Soundwave collected Optimus and carried him as if he weighed nothing. Optimus, having endured his forced reformat, merely groaned. Of course, Megatron was not to be trusted. What a fool he was to even believe in a vague concept of honor. Megatron was always obsessed with his Sire. Was it really a surprise that he would try to claim what little remained of Orion Pax? He was lucky to be alive...
Soundwave took him away, and before Optimus knew it, a new schedule formed for him. He did not fully understand, but the warlord, seemingly drunk on whatever the dark energon did to him, had fully devoted himself to preserving that which remained of Orion. Megatron held no love for him. Instead, the Decepticon instructed Soundwave to tend to Optimus. That tending came... with adjustments. Every cycle he was trained in the craft of the spymaster and dutifully educated in the ways of the original Decepticon creed. Soundwave was not loving or affectionate, but he was a devoted teacher.
Cycle in and cycle out, Optimus obeyed. He couldn't fight, not when his very frame seemed so frail. He could not trust his limbs, nor could he trust his mind without wondering if his thoughts were influenced by the Matrix or Soundwave's teaching. He'd fallen for Megatron's trap, and now he remained until the warlord grew tired of him. He could only hope his team were safe and that they could continue the fight without his aid.
Locked on the Nemesis in a frame not his own, Optimus learned. And given time, he learned one important skill.
He learned to bide his time and scheme.
#transformers#maccadam#transformers prime#optimus prime#team prime#ratchet#megatron#alternate universe#knockout#soundwave#secret of the primacy au#angst#slight horror#I did my best with this#sorry if my thoughts make no sense I am rather tired
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