For character questions! 3, 7, 9, 21, 38, B, H; for whichever character you’d like!

you know what this is a perfect amount of questions so i'll do one for each :)

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

cricket's usually spending her days doing fuckall in the woods or studying to get her mortician's certification so she's normally pretty tired by the end of the day. she'll settle down with her favorite entomology book most often. once hilde's been in the picture for a while (i'm talking post-hillside) then i'm sure there's a good chunk of times she falls asleep on the phone with her... if she doesn't end up impulsively making the trek to spend the night at her house that is

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

there's a lot but the most common for hilde is definitely sleepovers with her cousin jay. when they were little kids his mom wasn't able to fit up, so hilde's mom ended up stepping in and raising her alongside hilde. this kept going up until jay was almost eight and his mom got her shit together. although their parents aren't close for a plethora of reasons, they dont want jay and hilde's relationship to be strained the way theirs is, so they've always tried to have bimonthly sleepovers for the kids while they were growing up. this continued up until hilde ended up getting sent to blossom hills, but i like to think jay would visit a few times of year once they're adults.

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

loanshark actually doesn't swear as often, which comes as a surprise for most people. usually something slips out when he stubs his toe or something but it's not super often. not for any particular reason, he's just quiet and standoffish lol

Why do they get up in the morning? 

synthia's got a world to conquer and an audience to wow!

What memory do they revisit the most often? 

zahra revisits a lot of memories of their time in music school tbh. they're a massive hater and spite fuels them. it's gotten them far

What inspired you to create them?

hilde and cricket are so old that i literally don't remember. i know i wanted opposite gfs where one was a city girl and one was a country girl and it just kind of developed from there. i know cricket's color scheme (washed out white girl with dark hair and big blue eyes that she maintains way too much eye contact with) was inspired by how i initially imagined tain from the good daughter to look like, and taïga from the grey witches as a child. not too sure about hilde anymore

synthia and zahra were both fnf ocs. i wanted to see an 80s oc and a classical music oc so there they were. loanshark was originally an ahit nyakuza cat but i've been pretty attached to his gijinka as of late so i've just been focusing on that story, which is totally unrelated to his hatty time self (although the vibes are the same)

What trait do you admire most?

i love cricket's chill vibes and earnest whimsy. i like to think i am also chill and whimsical but she just has a way of embracing stuff and going with things in a way i could never imagine. i also really enjoy hilde's blunt honesty and ability to just shut people down and be like, a dick when being a dick is needed, because i always struggle with boundaries. channeling my inner cunt with her tbh.

i like synthia's stage presence and bubbliness a lot. i like loanshark's loyalty. and i really like how when zahra puts their mind to something they get it. they're very disciplined in a way i am only just now learning to be

thankyou for asking annika ily ^_^

You sound like a bitch, bitch

Shut the fuck up

When your fans become your haters

You done?

Fuck, your beard's weird

Alright

You yellin' at the mic, you weird beard

We doin' this once

Your beard's weird, why you yellin' at the mic?

Rihanna just hit me on the text, last night I left hickies on her neck

Wait, you just dissed me? I'm perplexed

Insult me in a line, compliment me on the next, damn

I'm really sorry you want me to have a heart attack

Was watching 8 Mile on my Nordic Trac

Realized I forgot to call you back

Here's that autograph for your daughter, I wrote it on a starter cap

Stan, Stan, son, listen man, dad isn't mad, but

How you gonna name yourself after a damn gun and have a man bun?

The giant's woke, undeniable, supplying smoke, got the fire stoked

Say you got me in a scope, but you grazed me

One call to Interscope and you Swayze

Your reply got the crowd yelling woo!

So before you die, let's see who can outpetty who

With your corny lines [Slim, you're old] ow Kelly, ooh

But I'm 45 and I'm still outselling you

By 29, I had 3 albums that had blew

Now let's talk about something I don't really do

Go in someone's daughters mouth stealing food

But you're a fucking mole hill, now Ima make a mountain out of you

Hoe, chill, acting like you put the chrome barrel to my bone marrow

Gunna? Bitch, you ain't a bow and arrow

Say you'll run up on me like a phone bill spraying led

Playing dead, that's the only time you hold steel

Are you eating cereal or oatmeal?

What the fuck's in the bowl, milk? Wheaties or cheerios?

Cuz I'm taking a shit in them, Kelly

I need reading material - dictionary

Hey Slim, your last 4 albums sucked, go back to Recovery

Oh shoot, that was 3 albums ago, what do you know, oops

Know your facts before you come at me, little goof

Luxury, oh, you broke bitch? I had enough money in '02

To burn it in front of you, hoe

Younger me? No, you the whack me, it's funny but so true

I'd rather be 80 year old me than 20 year old you

'Til I'm hitting old age, still can fill a whole page with a 10 year olds rage

Got more fans than you in your own city, lil kiddie

Go play, feel like I'm babysitting Lil Tay

Got the Diddy okay so you spent your whole day shooting a video

Just to fucking dig your own grave

Got you in your own wake, I'm the billy goat

You ain't ever made a list next to no Biggie, no Jay

Next to Taylor Swift and that Iggy hoe, you about to really blow

Kelly, they'll be putting your name next to Ja

Next to Benzino, die mother fucker, like the last mother fucker saying Hailie in vain

Alien brain, you Satanist

My biggest flops are your greatest hits

The game's mine again and ain't nothing changed but the locks

So before I slay this bitch, mwah, give Jade a kiss

Gotta wake up Labor Day to this? The fuck

Being rich shamed by some prick using my name for clickbait

In a state of bliss cuz I said his goddamn name

Now I gotta cock back, aim, yeah bitch, pop champagne to this

It's your moment, this is it, as big as you're gonna get, so enjoy it

Had to give you a career to destroy it

Lethal injection, go to sleep six feet deep

I'll give you a B for the effort, but if I was three

Foot eleven, you'd look up to me

And for the record, you would suck a dick to fucking be me for a second

Lick a ballsack to get on my channel

Give your life to be as solidified

This motherfuckin' shit is like Rambo when he's out of bullets

So what good is a fucking machine gun when it's out of ammo?

Had enough of this tatted up mumble rapper

How the fuck can him and I battle?

He'll have to fuck Kim in my flannel, I'll give him my sandals

Cuz he knows long as I'm Shady, he's gon' have to live in my shadow

Exhausting, letting off on my offspring

Like a gun barrel, bitch, get off me

We can all see you're fucking salty cuz young Gerald is balls deep inside of Halsey

Your red sweater, your black leather

You dress better, I rap better

That a death threat or a love letter?

Little white toothpick thinks it's over a pic

I just don't like you prick, thanks for dissing me

Now I had an excuse on the mic to write Not Alike

But really, I don't care who's in the right

But you're losing the fight you picked

Who else want it, Kells? Attempt fails, Budden, L's

Fucking nails in this coffin as soft as Cottonelle

Killshot, I will not fail, I'm with the Doc still

But this idiot's boss pops pills and tells him he's got skills

But Kells, the day you put out a hit's the day Diddy admits he put the hit out that got Pac killed, ah

I'm sick of you being whack and still using that motherfuckin' autotune so let's talk about it

Sick of your mumble rap mouth, need to get the cock up out it before we can even talk about it

I'm sick of your blonde hair and earrings cuz you look in the mirror and think that you're Marshall Mathers

Don't mean you are and you're not about it

So just leave my dick in your mouth and keep my daughter out it

You fuckin' - oh and I'm just playing, Diddy

You know I love ya

Thank you! I’m the one who asked about a ballum ff and there is no rush at all. It would include smut but that’s ok no 🙂 It would be Ben & callum travelling in a night bus (to somewhere) and they’d be in the very back of the bus and none of the other passengers would notice their little action time (bottom Ben straddling callum). There’s no plot lol. Callum would actually be asleep and Ben waking him, hands already all over him/under his shirt and he would have some convincing to do for Callum to be on board with it. Or something like that. Could include some funny/embarrassing moments (for Callum).Tx! .. no need to post this maybe. 😇 Or just call it the night bus request. 🚌 💕

the fantasy of you and i keeps me up awake at night (ao3 link)

sorry it took a while, anon, but here we go. also this is so outside my normal comfort zone for smut but i'm hoping y'all enjoy it anyway.

.

Taking a bus from London to Amsterdam might easily be the worst idea they have ever had.

The worst part is that there isn’t even a solid reason for them doing this. It’s not like they can’t afford a flight to Amsterdam, they definitely can. But for some reason Callum somehow managed to talk him into taking a Flixbus across the channel, just to save a few bucks. We’re homeowners now, he said. We should save money where we can, he said.

Ben kind of hates how easily he folds when it comes to his husband.

They’re about halfway through the hours-long trip, somewhere in France in the middle of the night, and the already quite empty bus is dark and mostly silent, except for that one guy near the middle who’s snoring like a small chainsaw. It seems like all the passengers are dead asleep right now - everyone except for Ben that is.

Him and Callum are in the very last row of seats; Callum in the window seat and Ben next to him. There are rows of empty seats in front of them, all the way up to the middle portion of the bus, so at least there’s some illusion of privacy. It’s definitely better than the bus being filled to the brim.

Callum is turned towards the window, a sweater bundled together to rest under his head like a pillow. He always does this on long journeys and Ben isn’t jealous of it at all, no way. He just wishes he could fall asleep in a car or on a train or on a plane, but sadly he can’t. Not like his husband can.

Ben has never been able to sleep in a moving vehicle. Ever since he was little he just couldn’t do it. It’s always too loud or not dark enough or he isn’t comfortable enough to fall asleep. Which is a pretty unfortunate circumstance when you’re trapped in a bus for hours on end in the middle of the night.

At first, he tried doing other things to keep himself entertained. He watched some videos on his phone, bothered Jay until he obviously fell asleep himself and then tried just looking out the window at the French countryside. Nothing helped alleviate his boredom and he certainly wasn’t going to spend the rest however many hours just sitting around here.

He needed something to tire him out or at least keep him occupied for some time.

And he has just the idea what that could be.

Ben leans forward into Callum’s space, letting his hand run up and down Callum’s arm, slightly shaking to get him to wake up again. He can’t have been asleep for long, or in a deep slumber yet, because he starts twitching almost immediately; that familiar crease between his eyebrows appearing like it always does right before he wakes up.

“Babe? Babe. Cal, wake up.”

There’s only a groan as a response, but Ben can tell Callum is well on his way to consciousness right now. Even if he’s probably still hoping Ben will just leave him alone if he doesn’t engage.

“What?”

Callum turns around to face him, eyes still stubbornly closed; almost like he’s planning on falling back asleep once Ben has told him whatever he wants to say. Not if Ben gets his way though.

“I can’t sleep.”

Ben can feel more than hear the annoyed sigh Callum lets out at that. He cracks one eye open, peering down at Ben beside him, and whatever he finds must convince him he’s not going to go back to sleep for a while, because the next thing he does is sit up straighter, opening both of his eyes now.

He’s probably used to it after well over two years with Ben. His inability to fall asleep on the road has come up time and time again since they got together. At first, Callum thought it was a cute little quirk; like you always do when you’re first falling for someone and everything about them gives you butterflies.

He still gets them now, the butterflies, but by now Callum is probably more than aware of the fact that Ben’s sleeplessness when travelling affects him as well. Because Ben expects to be entertained by him, or at least for Callum to stay awake with him.

For the most part, Callum is fine with that seeing as they’re never really going anywhere one of them doesn’t drive to but on rare occasions like this one, it’s pretty damn grating. Callum definitely knows they’re both going to be tired and grumpy when they arrive in Amsterdam and that isn’t really how he wants to start this little getaway.

“Have you even tried?”

Ben rolls his eyes in the dark of the bus, only illuminated by the passing streetlights outside. He’s glad it’s not enough for Callum to see his expression; he needs to be on his best behavior if he wants to convince Callum of this idea in his head.

“You could help me fall asleep, you know.”

Ben’s hand runs over Callum’s thigh and dips lower to the inseam of his sweatpants, fingertips brushing against his dick over the soft fabric. Callum doesn’t turn away from the touch, but he does lift his thigh a little so that Ben’s hand dislodges from his place against his cock.

“Ben! No.”

“Come on. No one will notice.”

He leans in close to whisper the words into Callum’s ear, making sure to dart his tongue out and trace along the lobe for good measure afterwards. He’s not above pulling out all the stops to convince Callum to do this with him right now. It might have just been a quick throwaway idea, but the more he thinks about the possibility of it the hornier he finds himself getting.

His hand dips lower again; fingers dancing up and down Callum’s shaft. This time, Callum lets him continue his actions; his dick slowly but surely hardening under Ben’s touch.

“Absolutely not.”

Callum’s protest is weak, his voice already way too breathless to be taken seriously by Ben. If he really were against this, Ben would stop immediately. But he knows his husband pretty well and he can read his body like a book. Every little reaction is telling enough for Ben.

It’s all the go-ahead he needs.

“S’not what your dick says.”

As if to prove a point, Ben tightens his hand, reveling in the hard intake of breath Callum does in response to it. He can tell his husband is trying his hardest to keep the noises in. So much so that Ben almost lets the desire to coax each sound out of Callum overtake him, damning any embarrassing consequences it could bring.

“Because you keep, hm, keep touching it.”

Ben barely manages to keep his gleeful laugh in when Callum pushes his leg out, opening his thighs wider and giving Ben better access to his dick. It means he can crowd in even closer and twist his hand just right, now firmly holding onto his husband’s length. Callum’s head tips backwards against his seat, eyes closing against the onslaught of arousal.

The taught, white skin of his neck is too inviting for Ben not to lean down and attach his mouth to it, trailing up and down.

“Ben, we can’t. Not here.”

Callum leans far enough back to catch Ben’s eyes. Ben thinks he’s trying to look stern and he’d probably succeed if Ben didn’t have his hard cock in his hand right now. The least he can do is offer him some relief.

Ben’s free hand runs up Callum’s chest, his fingers playing with the collar of his dark blue sweatshirt. He presses his nose back up against Callum’s cheek, looking up at him from under his lashes. There’s a smile playing on his face that always seems to come so naturally to him whenever he’s with Callum, even if he’s trying to be sexy right now.

“We’ll be quiet.”

“You’ve never been quiet in your life during sex.”

It’s a good point. An extremely good point considering how many pointed comments they received that period of time they were living at Stuart and Rainie’s flat. Or from Lola before that. So yeah, Callum does have a point when he says he’s not the quietest person during sex.

And it’s not like he can talk as well. Callum is incredibly noisy when he wants to be. Or rather, when he lets himself be.

Maybe Ben just needs to take it up a notch in order to get Callum on board with this.

“It’ll be a laugh. Come on, I know you, baby. You like it a little dangerous. Out in the open. Remember, I know all your fantasies, babe.”

It’s true. Ben had an inkling that there was a secret exhibitionism kink hiding behind Callum’s big innocent giant act when he had no qualms about getting hot and heavy in the park during their first intimate encounter together, but he had no idea just how much Callum gets turned on by the chance of them being interrupted or heard by someone else.

He isn’t opposed to the odd quickie in the car lot or at the Arches when Ben is supposed to be working and anyone could walk in at any time. There are times he gets his husband so riled up with little comments and strategically placed touches that he drags Ben into the toilets in the Albert to give his mouth and hands something else to do. And they’ve even revisited that park once or twice to pay a little tribute to the thing that started it all between them.

So he knows perfectly well that the thought of doing anything here, where any other person on the bus could easily wake up and figure out what exactly they’re doing, must be quite exhilarating for Callum. He can’t really play the purity card when Ben can physically feel him growing harder at his hushed words.

Like he said, he knows Callum. They’re open and honest about what turns them on and off, what they like and dislike. No one has ever known him as intimately and deeply as Callum does and Ben knows it’s the same the other way as well. Ben loves that.

It also means that he can pinpoint the exact second Callum lets himself give in and shifts into what Ben teasingly calls his sexy mode. It’s a win for Ben, for sure.

“You’re lucky I love you.”

Callum wraps his arm around Ben’s waist and tugs until Ben understands what he wants him to do. He sits himself square on Callum’s lap, legs resting on either side of Callum’s hips on the plush seats and fingers immediately finding a home in Callum’s hair, combing through the strands. He hasn’t had it cut in a while, too lazy to do it so close to their little holiday, and Ben can’t find the words to say just how much he loves it like this. He looks almost prince-like when it’s all soft and flat on his head and it’s the prettiest thing in the world to Ben.

“Thought you were gonna say I should be lucky I’m so fit.”

“Hm, that too.”

Callum’s smirk tastes a lot like bliss when their lips meet in a kiss, their tongues brushing almost immediately. Ben is trying hard to keep the sighs from escaping his throat, knowing they have to be quiet for this to go any further. But he can’t help it, kissing Callum is close to being the best thing he has ever gotten to do.

Even if he tried to convince himself otherwise at the time, Ben knew that first time they kissed each other that it was different with Callum; that it felt different with him. When their lips had met that night, he had felt it in his bones. Ben knows how rare it is to feel this way and Callum has never made him feel any different since.

Ben’s hands leave their place in Callum’s hair to travel down his chest, running over the soft fabric of his sweatshirt. He can feel the intake of breath Callum does when he reaches the edge of his sweatpants, fingers dipping under the waistband. Ben looks up to see if there’s any hesitation on Callum’s face, any sign that he isn’t one hundred percent on board with this, but Callum seems perfectly fine by the looks of it, with his eyes still closed like he wants to savor their kisses and the tips of his ears turning pink.

The grey fabric gets pushed down just enough for Ben to free Callum’s still hard cock, lazily sliding his fist up and down the shaft. Seeing Callum bite his bottom lip to refrain from making any noise at Ben’s actions fills him with a surge of heat that travels all throughout his body. Maybe they have to look more into this, if Callum’s inability to make much noise gets Ben so hot and bothered.

Right now though, he’s more concerned with getting himself undressed as well, just enough to get Callum in him. It’s a tight fit back here and Ben has to move around a fair bit to get his own pants far enough down to still be able to move on top of him. Ben has had sex in cars before so he knows how to maneuver himself, but a cramped seat on a bus is still vastly different from lying flat on your back in the backseat of a Ford.

They keep a small packet of lube in the side pocket of the backpack for situations just like this one and it turns out to be a godsend again and again, this time being no different. Ben is the first to admit he used to be a little bit slutty and while he doesn’t care for sex with anyone that isn’t Callum anymore, some remnants of that time in his life still remain. Remnants, for which having lube on hand at all times proves to be very helpful.

He’s glad Callum appreciates their spontaneity as well.

At any other time, Ben would let Callum open him up. His fingers are long and slender, thick enough to fill him just right, and they’re sure to drive him positively mad each and every time. Callum knows where and when to drag, to go fast or when to let Ben catch his breath to keep him teetering just on the brink.

But space is limited as it is and it’s easier for Ben to reach down and open himself up. Besides, seeing the way Callum’s face shifts into open hunger and desire as he watches Ben touch himself more than makes up for the lack of his husband’s fingers in him. There’s so much heat and open amazement for Ben in his eyes, it makes Ben breathless with want for the man in front of him.

The air around them feels thick and stuffy; charged in the best way possible. Ben keeps his lips firmly pressed together, effectively trapping in any sounds threatening to escape; his free hand digging into the skin of Callum’s biceps, making dents in the skin. They could easily be the only two people in this bus, in the world, right now. It feels like it; it always does.

Everything is zeroed down to just them when they’re together like this, like nothing else matters except for them making the other feel good. And he wants nothing more right now than to make Callum feel absolutely wrecked.

Ben detracts his fingers when he feels like he’s at least somewhat ready, reaching out to coat Callum’s dick with the excess lube on his hand. Before he can wrap his fingers around Callum’s length though, he’s stopped by a hand on his chest, causing him to catch his husband’s eyes almost immediately.

“Wait.”

Ben is about to climb down from Callum’s lap, thinking he has changed his mind about this and wanting to give him space, but Callum keeps him seated with a hand on his hip now. Instead, he’s leaning down himself, his other hand disappearing in the backpack still sitting in the space under their seat.

“What?”

The confusion doesn’t lift when Callum eventually finds what he must have been looking for, unearthing two condoms from somewhere in the bag. They obviously haven’t used condoms in ages but they still keep some just in case. Better than throwing them away, right? Ben just doesn’t understand what Callum wants with them now.

“I’m not about to get cum on this bus. And neither are you.”

Ben doesn’t really care about it, but he’s not going to start arguing with his husband when he’s this close to getting lucky. Callum could probably ask him to wear a clown costume and Ben would do it if it meant he’d get fucked by Callum in a timely manner. He’s that whipped for his husband’s dick.

He lets Callum roll the condom onto his dick, suppressing the moan clawing itself up his throat when Callum runs his fingers up and down the length of it for good measure. Maybe having to be completely silent while he’s getting laid is going to be more difficult than Ben had first thought.

Before Callum can put the condom on himself though, Ben stops him to do the honors himself, coating Callum’s dick with the excess lube still covering his other hand. He sinks down as slowly as he can, almost drawing blood from how hard he’s biting down on his bottom lip to keep quiet.

The fabric of Callum’s sweatpants is a stark contrast to his smooth skin and the feeling is simultaneously alien and exhilarating. They don’t have a lot of clothed sex, not like this anyway, and the almost foreign feeling against his bare ass is another stimulant for Ben’s already overloaded brain, all mixing together to create a mess of heightening arousal.

Ben eventually bottoms out, head tipped back and mouth open on a silent gasp. He can feel Callum’s heaving breaths where he’s pressed against him, his chest rising and falling in quick tempo.

“You good?”

Callum mumbles the words into Ben’s own shirt, pressed against his sternum. He sounds wrecked from just those two, little words; out of breath and completely wild. It’s one of the best sounds Ben ever got to hear; topped among other things only by Callum’s uninhibited moans when Ben makes him feel especially good.

Ben’s head tips back forward to nod at his husband, sealing their mouths back together when he begins to move. The rise and fall of his hips pushes sounds from him that he stifles by pressing his firmly-closed lips against Callum’s with all his might. Callum’s hands are fisted in Ben’s shirt, bunching up the back and wrinkling the dark red fabric.

It’s fucking good - it always is with Callum, better than anything he’s known before - but when Callum moves to adjust their bodies to meet Ben’s thrusts halfway, it becomes a little too good. On the next down movement, Callum thrusts up as well and the subtle change in their position means he’s now able to hit deeper, nudging right against that spot that makes Ben see stars.

Callum must be able to sense what this is doing to Ben, must be able to read his body and its tells better than he does himself, because he reaches around to clamp a hand over Ben’s mouth, pushing one finger in for Ben to bite down on it, nipping the scream that’s about to topple out of his mouth in the bud before it can be unleashed.

It would be a miracle if no one heard his moan, even muffled by Callum’s hand over his mouth, and Ben thinks they can really count themselves lucky if they didn’t manage to wake anyone up with it. He’d be more preoccupied with it, if he weren’t so trapped in the feeling of pure pleasure overtaking every nerve-ending in his body.

He’s panting hot against Callum’s hand now; heat spreading in his belly to announce his impending orgasm hurtling closer and closer. It doesn’t feel fair to Ben that he’s the only one struggling to contain his moans though; he thought Callum would have a lot more difficulties holding back.

It’s a good thing he knows Callum better than anyone; knows exactly what makes him lose control. It’s definitely a dirty trick to play but the whole reason they’re doing this right now is because they like it a bit dirty, right? So Ben doesn’t exactly feel bad when he lets one of his hands wander down to Calum’s chest, expertly finding his left nipple. He clamps his other hand over Callum’s mouth before he pinches his fingers, reveling in the way Callum’s hips involuntarily buck upwards in response.

Callum lightly bites the palm of his hand in retaliation and Ben can’t help but smile at it, even in the midst of heavy passion. He just really loves it when Callum is being silly and playful with him. Especially during sex.

The smile quickly dies down though when Callum’s free hand wraps around Ben’s cock, setting a punishing rhythm. Ben isn’t sure when this became seeing who can make the other come first, but he isn’t complaining. Not at all.

Not when it means he gets to feel that burning sensation take over his entire body, his muscles tensing and then relaxing as the waves of his climax wash over him. He must pinch Callum’s nipple again in his haze of pleasure, because he bucks into Ben again once, twice before he’s also coming. The hand that just moments ago had coaxed Ben’s orgasm out of him now snakes around his middle to pull him closer into Callum’s body.

They’re so close they might as well be one entity, one sole person. Their hands fall from each other’s mouths, wrapping around any skin they can reach to unite the two of them in a tight hug. Ben tucks his head into the crease of Callum’s neck, waiting until the tremors subside and their breathing returns to a normal pace.

It takes a lot longer than Ben would like to admit for him to regain the feeling in his legs enough to dismount and fall into the seat beside Callum again. He has just enough brainpower to take the condom off and tie it, thankful for Callum taking it off of him because he would have no idea how or where to get rid of it right now.

He pulls his pants and underwear back up, trying to make himself look at least a bit presentable, but his movements feel slowed down; his limbs already being pulled under the mantle of sleepy exhaustion.

Ben is still too out of it to notice what exactly Callum does to get rid of the condoms but whatever it is, it only takes him a few moments until he leans back into the seat, putting on his own clothes again as well.

“You okay, darlin’?”

“Hm. Tired.”

Callum lets out a quiet chuckle, pulling Ben into his side, letting him tuck himself into his body. He’s definitely all too aware of the fact that Ben always conks out almost immediately after sex and Ben feels his eyes fall shut as soon as his head is pillowed on Callum’s chest.

The last thing he’s conscious of is Callum pressing a kiss to his forehead, mumbling something about getting Ben to shut up, before finally, finally, falling asleep for the remainder of their journey.

He’ll have to keep this in the back of his mind for the ride back.

Helloo could if you’re not busy can I request batboys with a batsis who has a full head of white hair. Then one day she finally opens up about it, that she was a lab rat for the Al Ghouls who would kill her and place her in the Lazarus pit over and over again. How would they react?? Bonus if Bruce is added to the mix. I want to feel pain :))

World cont: 1544

Warnings: mention of death (reader's death🤷🏻‍♀️), saaadnessss

A/N:Hello, sorry it took a bit longer for me to write this one. Hope you like it anyway!

It was one of those rare occasions when Dick managed to get most of you to the manor. It was a ’family slumber party’ as he called it. You watch all kinds of movies, play board games, sleep on the couch or in pillow forts, and of course..there is no patrolling for that night.

You liked these nights. You found it comforting to be around family and even if there were minot fights, it was a great time.

You rushed uo the stairs to the manors door witg your bag hanging loosely on your shoulder. You went to grab the handle but the door opened before you could so anything.

„Alfred! Hi!” you jumped inside, quickly hugging him.

„Welcome Miss Y/N!”

„It smells delicious in here! What are you making?”

„Oh I’m afraid I can’t take all the credit for it as Master Jason is helping me in the kitchen. We are making vegetarian lasagne as Master Damian requested it. Would you like to join us?”

You smiled and nodded.

„Yes, I’ll be there in a minute, I’m just putting down my bag. Is Dick here, yet?”

„Oh yes. Master Dick is in the living room. I assume he ia still lecturing your younger brothers.”

Yiu chuckled, Tim and Damian were probably fighting again. That sounds like them. Hah. You went to greet them in the living room with a smile but than you heard them shouting. Ah, yes, definitely fighting.

„ I told you Drake! It is my turn on choosing activities for tonight. And we are playing monopoly.”

„And I have told you, demon, that it is my turn and we are playing scotland yard!” Tim noticed you walking slowly towards them and turned to you in a flash. „Y/N! Tell them it is my turn!”

„Oh no! You’re so not dragging me into this.” you said with raised hands. Instead yiu walked over to the oldest brother and hugged him. „Hi Dickie”

„Hi, little wing.”he hugged you back before shouting” I have a solution! I will choose the game so there won’t be any issue. „

„Wow you started a war. „ you slowly backed away as you saw both Damian and Tim raise a few pillows.” It was nice knowing you Tim, Dick. Go get them Dami!”

And with that you were on your way to the kitchen. After putting on an apron and greeting Jason you helped him and Alfred with the food. You also made cookies and some other snacks. Once everything was done, or in the oven Jason and you decided to look of the others haven’t killed each other. Entering the living room you saw all three of them sitting on the couch, Dick sitting between Tim and Damian. Dick was flipping through the channels when he saw you.

„Is the food ready??”

„Nah, but it will be shortly.” Jason siad while getting comfy in an armchair. He gestured to the bigger, black leather armchair.

„The old man?”

„Still working in the cave.” said Tim slightly annoyed. „But he should be here soon”

„That’s what he said an hour ago... Whatever. Are we gonna play or what?”

„Yes! Finally! Thanks Jaybird! Uhm... Let’s get started with some slumber plarty games, shall we?”

You groaned, glaring at both Jason and Dick.

„Yeah, thanks Jaybird.” he only flashed you a smirk.

„Let’s play truth or dare!”

„Dick, I already told you, it’s not fun to play these games with your siblings.” you said rolling your eye. Tim nodded in agreement, Damian still stared at the tv with disgust written all over his face.

„Okay I’ll start!” said Dick, practically beaming with excitement.

„I dare you to shut up?” asked Tim hopefully. Dick raised his shoulders in a „What can I do?” way and covered his mouth but gestured at Damian that now it’s his turn ask Tim. Never have you seen any other 13 year old glaring like that.

„Sure, Drake why are you such a moron?”

„Geez, no. You’re not starting thia again. Damian ask me a question instead, please.”

„Tt.” he pushed his tongue against his teeth before turning his attention from Tim, to you.”Fine. I’ve been meaning to ask. Why the white hair? I mean you had it for... What? A year now? I stil don’t get it.”

To say that you weren’t expecting that was an understatement. Your thoughts traveled back to the reasons why your hair looked like it did. Your head was filled with your own screams, images of torture and than everything going green. You felt cold and you shivered all of the sudden.

„Oh, she obviously dyed it this way so she would match my little streak here. Because I’m her favorite brother.” Jason smiled and looked at you. But his smile quickly disappeared as he saw how pale you were. You sank down on the chair which you were standing next to.

„I.. I didn’t dye it.” you said barley louder then a whisper. Jay raised an eyebrow at you.

„Than why is it white, sis?” looking around you saw that all your brothers were starting at you now with more and more concern on their faces.

„I.. Whatever. It’s not important. Let’s just move on with the game and-„

„Y/N.” it waa Dick. His voice gentle but full of worry.

„I... My hair is white...because of the..”you swallowed trying not to break down. You never told them. Not because you didn’t trust them with it or anything but because you didn’t want them to be concerned or get some ideas about having revenge. Besides... Dying several times was not that easy to talk about. „because of the lazarus pit.”

Their shocked expressions ment you have some explaining to do.

„Remember that secret mission I went on a year ago? The one that lasted for a few months? Well...there were no mission. I wanted to get out of town for a few days, maybe a week with my friends but I never actually got to my friend’s weekend house because I was kidnapped. They kept me in the dark, I was tortured and eventually... I died. I remember how cold it was, how dark and lonely... And than everything was green. I was floating, then drowning. I felt my eyes burning as well as my throat. I felt my whole body burning in fact. And... „ you felt someone grasping your hand but you just guessed it was Jason because your vision became blurry from the tears that were threatening to fall out.” And it wasn’t the last time. I actually lost count after the 16th occasion... It happened over and over again – and I – They used me as a lab rat. Killing me, torturing me and then throwing me into that damn green fluid.” you said a sob escaping your lips.

„ Why haven’t you spoke about this?” it took you a few moments to realize whose voice it was, because the blood rushing in your ear made it much harder. But the voice was coming from behind you, so it wasn’t the boys, they all sat in front of you, besides Jason who sat next to you. It was Bruce. He came up from the cave. Trying to wipe your tears you turned around. You couldn’t read his face, not that it was anything unusual.

„I didn’t think it was necessary. I could handle it on my own.”

„Y/N that’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard. We are a family. You don’t need to handle anything your own. That’s why we are here for you. I... I know it’s not- We are not a normal family. I know. And I sorry but tge fact that we dress in armored suits from night to night doesn’t mean we can’t talk to each other. Even if it seems the opposite I will always have time for all of you.” he pulled you up gently into a hug. You cried, but you weren’t the only one. You felt a tear dropping on your head, meaning Bruce was crying too. You soon felt all the others join in for the hug.

„ I’m sorry I didn’t tell you... „you heard yourself saying after a good few minutes.” I love you all so much. And... Thank you dad. „

Bruce only noded, not being able to say anything but it was fine. It was a comfortable silence. You felt loved. You all looked up aa Damain got up.

„ Where are going?” asked Tim.

„To get revenge.”

„No.” Jason shook his head. He looked like a beaten puppy. He knew what you were going through and how hard it was to say those things out loud.

„You sure not saying that this should go unnoticed?”

„No. I agree with you. But not now, Damian. She needs us. You included. Don’t leave now.” Damian was taking back from his brothers calm tone but came back down. You were let go from the embrace and saw your father weakly smiling at Jason.

„Can we... Sit down and have the rest of the family night, please?”

Everyone sat back down, somehow all of you managed to fit on the couch, and wrapped yourself in comfortable blankets and cuddled for the rest of the night.

Batfam goes to AGT

So. Batfam goes to America’s Got Talent, just Bruce’s children. He has no idea, what his kids are up to. 

(Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown and Duke Thomas)

They wear leotards, in red, blue, black and gold. Black background and colorful flames. And everyone dyes a streak in red, blue or white. On their skin they draw flames, which glow in the darkness. They also wear masks and when they walk on stage, they have black bathrobes with hoods on. Heidi Klum asks them, to intruduce themself, but the Batfam just stand there. Behind them, the stage is blocked with a curtain. There is some awkward silence, until she tells them to start. The girls drop their bathrobes and open gracefully the curtain. The boys walk on their place and then also remove the cloth. 

So, on the stage is a trapez, two trampolines and two long ‘pole-dance’ poles. In the middle is a big ladder with a platform. Jason goes on the ladder, Dick to the trapez. The girls walk to the poles, Tim and Duke stand on the trampolins while Damian stands in the middle of the room. Music starts, Survivor from 2WEI and they start their performance. Dick makes his thing on the trapez, Tim and Duke do some tricks on the trampolins, while Stephanie and Cassandra do some deep shit on the pole. Damian waits until the music picks up, then runs the ladder up and jumps. Jason catches him and throws him up in the air. He does some saltos and stuff. Then Jason trows Damian up to Dick, who catches him. Duke follows, springs from the trampoline to Jason, where he’s also trown up and catched by Damian. Tim follows, the girls take the spots on the trampoline. Cassandra is the last one being thrown up by Jason, then they make a something like a human chain and take Jason with them. They all do some saltos, then the girls let go of their trapez and land on the trampoline, followed by Tim and Duke, then Dick and Jason. Damian is the last and lets go of the trapez while he’s above his family. They catch him and do some pyramid. (I’m really shit at explaining sport activities and then in english...) 

The jury nearly has a heart attack, when Damian lets himself fall to the ground. Well, most people have. 

Anyway. The people absolute loved it. I’m thinking that Heidi Klum would probably use the golden buzzer, or all the others, but not Simon Cowell. In the end they take their masks off, everybody loses their absolute shit, bc these are the Wayne kids, why can they do such stuff???

“Well, I grew up in a circus and when I was adopted, I still trained. And then Jay and Timmy came, later all the others, it became a tradition to train together.”

They totally win this, in the finale they bring Titus and Ace too, Jason and Steph do some knife throwing, Dick casually makes a quadruple backflip, while Tim and Duke are doing endless flick flacks, Cass and Damian shooting arrows underneath and overneath them and still hitting the centre of the targets. 

Bruce is a proud dad™

After AGT, they open a youtube channel and post random things there, like learning some dance in a hour, doing challenges, tutorials for gymnastics and so on. Sometimes Bruce is part of it, just like Alfred. Thanks to the videos, the world now turly knows, that Bruce Wayne isn’t an asshole like other billionaires and loves his family dearly.

@thewaynes

Tonight we’re doing the old performance of ‘The Flying Graysons’! Dick teared up, when Cass suggestet that for the next video #familymoments  #acrobaticswiththewaynes #weloveyoubigbro

@thewaynes

Dick asked Bruce, if we could go on tour. Bruce said no. Now Dick is trying to change his mind... #whynot  #couldbecool

@thewaynes

We’re doing a TikTok challange with some friends, Bruce mentally already prepared himself, that the Manor is going to be burned down  #ourfriendsarechaotic  #justlikeus  #bruceinhismidlifecrisis 

---

If someone wants to make a story, please tag me, so I can read and reblog it! :)

Masterlist

Survey #373

“warm me up in a nova’s glow  /  and drop me down to the dream below”

Have you ever kissed someone that you thought you’d never kiss? Welp, never thought I'd kiss a girl for most of my life. When was the last time you ate take-out and what was it that you ate? Mom bought us breakfast at Bojangle's the morning after my sleep study. I got a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. Do you enjoy when guys hit on/flirt with you or does it normally make you uncomfortable or annoyed? When was the last time more than one guy was flirting with you at a time? It makes me uncomfortable, especially if it's very obvious and pushy. Like some respectful flirting is fine and can be flattering if I'm single, but you better respect my boundaries and not act like a dog. I don't think two guys have both been openly interested in me since Juan and Jason in high school. Can you name five things you enjoy looking at pictures of? Animals, flowers, waterfalls, expressions of love between people, and boudoir. Would you rather have an eternal winter or an eternal summer? Both sound pretty sucky, but an eternal summer sounds worse. Do you know much about the Greek gods? Not anymore. I did in high school, as mythology was an elective I took. Are there a lot of stray cats and dogs near where you live? Not in this neighborhood. How would you cope with living in isolation away from society? How long do you think you could cope before you went mad? Oh god, I couldn't cope. I'd lose my shit so fast. Have you ever found any hidden treasure? No. Would you ever want to hibernate through the winter? No, I enjoy winter. Which holiday do you prefer, Halloween or Christmas? I like the Halloween vibe more, but I enjoy Christmas more as a holiday. Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? Cold. What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? I don't believe I've broken up with anyone over something small. Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? My older sister got it. It was hell. What’s the dominant color in the room you’re in at the moment? An off-white. Do you know who your mom’s favorite singer is? James Hetfield of Metallica. Easy. What room in your house is the messiest? The spare room. Have you ever used a “puppy face” to get your way? Ha, yeeeaaah... If you could change any law that exists in your current country, what would it be and why? Here comes free healthcare. For obvious reasons. What were the last toppings you had on a pizza? Pepperoni. Would you rather spend an hour walking a dog or riding a horse? Riding a horse. Do you freak out when you need to visit the doctor or the dentist? Nah. Do you prefer The Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit movies, if you like any of them? I haven't watched either. Which Harry Potter film was your favourite? What about your least favourite? I haven't watched those, either. What do you think about nose piercings? I like them. Nostril studs especially are really cute imo. How many floors does your house have? One. What’s your favorite flavor of Kool-Aid? I don't really like Kool-Aid anymore. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yeah, a cyst. Do you enjoy sappy love songs? Unabashedly. Do you wear a one-piece or a two-piece when you go swimming? One-piece. What would be your biggest pet peeve in a relationship? Not communicating your feelings straight-up. Be straightforward and honest with what you're going through with your partner, for the love of God. Have you ever had a teacher hit on you? Have you ever hit on a teacher? No to both. Do you tend to eat more on Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas? Christmas, because of chocolate stocking stuffers and boxes from Dad, haha. Do you know what an "AMV" is? Yeah, I used to make them. Do you think you have a sad life? In some ways, yeah. What’s one award show you have to watch every year? None. Who do you like more: the Batman or the Joker? The Joker, particularly Heath Ledger's. Do you like Rammstein? Love 'em. What is your favorite small dog breed? Aesthetically, I think pugs, but I've said before and I'll say it a thousand more times: I don't support breeding them. What was the first comic book you ever had an obsession over? I've never been obsessed with a comic book. Do you like kids pop-up books? Those were my absolute favorite kind AS a kid. What is your mother's mother's maiden name? Ummm I'm pretty sure Collins. Have you ever pet a monkey? No. What’s your favorite Owl City song… besides "Fireflies?" I actually really like "Hot Air Balloon." What’s your fave Miley Cyrus song? I don't know many, but I do know "The Climb" is absolutely gorgeous. Fave Rascal Flatts song? Probably "My Wish." But I also really like "Why" and "What Hurts the Most." Fave Justin Bieber song? None. Miley Cyrus, Demi Lavato, or Selena Gomez? Jesus, you really like bands that I don't, haha. I don't know any Demi or Selena songs, so idk. Fave Eminem song? Oh man, I do like a lot of Eminem. I know it's so cliche, but I genuinely adore "Love The Way You Lie." It gives me goosebumps. Do you think you could survive a month of solitary confinement? NO. Absolutely not. I would lose my motherfucking mind. What is something that you find utterly boring? Sports, save for dance, are incredibly blah to me. What noise/sound can put you to sleep? Gentle, steady rain tapping on the window. When you are upset, do you tend to shut others out? YYYYYYYYYYYEP. When was the last time you felt abandoned by someone? bleh Does the sight of blood gross you out? No. Do you like red roses, or do you prefer another color? I love red ones, but I really, really like the ones with a pink-peach gradient. Have you ever gone through a red light? I think I MIGHT have accidentally because I was zoned out, but I don't THINK so. Do you fail to stop for stop signs, sometimes? I can't recall if I ever have. What is one of your major turn-offs? Misogyny. The moment you act like you exceed my worth just because you have a dick, byyyyyeeee~ During which year of your life were you the most unhappy? 2016 was hell on Earth for me. Have you ever seen a blue jay in person? I have. Do you like leaves better in the summer/spring, or in the fall? I'd like to meet someone that actually chooses anything besides fall, lol. Do you like the appearance of green eyes? YES! Do you typically like green-colored candies? Yessss. It's not rare for them to be my favorite flavor of whatever the thing is. Who is the most energetic and happy person you know of? My nephew, omg. Have you ever encountered a black widow? I actually have seen at least one to my memory. They're native here. Has an animal ever peed on you? Yes. Do you prefer green or purple/red grapes? I enjoy both, but I prefer green IF they're actually firm. What color is your birthstone? Purple. Why did you leave your house last? To go to the TMS office. I have to go there every day (but the weekends) for two months for treatment now. Is anything on your body sore? Well, inevitably my upper right arm, where my tattoo is. It looks so fucking beautiful redone though, it's all worth it. :') Have you ever eaten a cookie cake before? If so, was it good? Hell yeah man, cookie cakes are great. Do you lose interest in someone easily? I'm quite the opposite. Who was the last person you flirted with? Sara. Do you still talk to the person you fell the hardest for? No. Who’s the last person that slept over your house? My sister and her husband. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Yes. Are you currently sad about anything? I mean, I always am about something. How would you feel if your last ex fell in love with someone else? I would be super happy for her. Who was the last person who left your life and hurt you? Colleen. Do you know anyone who died of breast cancer? I might know of somebody, but all I know personally are survivors. Do you miss any of your old friends? Well of course. Have you ever been used before? I don't know. Ever taken a picture kissing someone? Yes. What’s the last thing you and your sibling laughed about? I Don't know. I haven't seen either in some time. What’s the last thing you took a picture of? A meme to send Sara, haha. Do you listen to classical music? No. Do you tell your parents who you like? Why or why not? I mean, I don't just randomly bring it up because just being like "hey I like this person _____ now" seems weird. Now if I was asked or mentioning it is somehow relevant, then I will. Who’s the most annoying person in your neighborhood? The damn dog next door who never shuts up. Name one of your psycho exes? None. I was the "psycho ex," and it's embarrassing as shit. Do you make your own clothes and/or add designs to them on your own? No. Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? It's not something I always actively think about, but subconsciously, I absolutely always do. Especially knowing my family doesn't buy from "ethical" markets, but instead big ones. "Ethical" in quotations because there is no moral way to slaughter an animal for food, but at least there are smaller farmers who can give their livestock a better, cleaner, happier life. What are you listening to at the moment? I'm semi-watching Gab play Bioshock. I'd never seen the game before, so just kinda vicariously checking it out. Seems all right. Does anything hurt right now? My tattoo is definitely in the sore phase. It'll start scabbing soon. I literally can't stop looking at it, I love it so much. How many years have you lived at the house you’re living in right now? Around 1 1/2. Have you ever lived in a different country that the one you’re living in? No. Which of your parents will you see next? I live with my mom and rarely see my dad, so. Do you like Chinese food? Only pork fried rice and egg rolls, really. What sort of music were you brought up on? When all of us kids were very little, Mom would usually play her rock channels on the radio, sometimes a (clean) CD. She also would ensure to play kids' cassettes sometimes, too, like Raffy or whoever it was. Once Ashley reached a certain age, she would always ask for a pop channel to be put on, so most of my childhood was that and some country music, too.

Road to Castle Attack Night 4 - 2/17/2021: Tetsuya Naito Injured, Fukushima 2/21/2021 Show Cancelled; FinJuice Make Impact Debut 2/16/2021

Strong Style Story Podcast Episode 72 on PWOM

The tour continued today, with its final streamed show for this week. Earlier today, NJPW did announce that the show in Fukushima on 2/21/2021 has now been officially cancelled, due to the earthquake Saturday. As far as we can tell, the shows in Iwate and Yamagata, where the quake did have an effect, are still on for Friday and Saturday this week. Tetsuya Naito was out with a right knee injury today, changing the card, as the main and semi-main were swapped, and a tag match became a singles match. Pre-show, however, Naito cut a promo on Kota Ibushi, challenging him to explain just why he wants to unify the IWGP Heavyweight and Intercontinental titles, and that he will be ready for his IC title challenge in Osaka on 2/28/2021. Results: - 2/17/2021, Tokyo Korakuen Hall (NJPWWorld)

Great O-Khan, Will Ospreay & Jeff Cobb [United Empire] d. Hiroshi Tanahashi, Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Gabriel Kidd (Cobb > Kidd, Tour Of The Islands, 11:39)

Tomohiro Ishii, Hirooki Goto, YOSHI-HASHI & Toru Yano [CHAOS] NC Jay White, Tama Tonga, Tanga Loa & Chase Owens [Bullet Club] (11:41)

Shingo Takagi, Hiromu Takahashi & BUSHI [Los Ingobernables] d. Yujiro Takahashi, El Phantasmo & Taiji Ishimori [Bullet Club] (Shingo > Yujiro, Pumping Bomber, 8:47)

SANADA [Los Ingobernables] d. Yuji Nagata (Moonsault Press, 12:01)

Kazuchika Okada & SHO [CHAOS] d. EVIL & Dick Togo [Bullet Club] (SHO > Togo, Arm Lock Cross Hold, 11:52) 

SHO gets a big win over Dick Togo, and declared the "CHAOS seniors" will also be victorious in their matches at Castle Attack. This is in stark contrast to the card's second match, which went to a no-contest after the Bullet Club team ran roughshod over their CHAOS opponents. SANADA gets a singles win on Yuji Nagata, unexpectedly thrust into a singles spotlight due to Naito's knee injury.

At the present moment, there doesn't seem to be any direct NJPW involvement with tonight's episode AEW Dynamite, although as we know, things can change in an instant. In the meantime, last night was Juice Robinson & David Finaly Jr.'s debut in Impact Wrestling, as they took on, and defeated, the Reno Scum tag team. Afterwards, the Good Brothers, "Machine Gun" Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows, came out, "welcoming" FinJuice to Impact, inviting them for drinks, whilst also running them down as being their young boys whilst Guns & Gallows were in NJPW. A tried, true and well-trodden angle in wrestling if ever there was one. FinJuice replied they accept the drinks offer, but also they think they're at the Good Brothers' level now, so expect a feud for the Impact World Tag Team titles coming soon. The match will be up on NJPWWorld tomorrow.

The next show is on Friday, from Iwate... for now, anyway. The card has not yet been altered to account for Naito’s absence, but I’m going to guess Shingo v. Honma in the semi-main is the likeliest option. [EDIT 20:11 CST - They changed it. See below.] In the meantime, the next episode of World Pro Wrestling on Roku Channel goes live tomorrow, Thursday at 5pm EST.

- 2/19/2021, Iwate Prefectural Gymnasium

Yuya Uemura v. Gabirel Kidd

Hirooki Goto [CHAOS], YOSHI-HASHI [CHAOS] & Tiger Mask IV v. Tama Tonga, Tanga Loa & Jado [Bullet Club]

Hiroshi Tanahashi, Satoshi Kojima & Yota Tsuji v. Great O-Khan, Will Ospreay & Jeff Cobb [United Empire]

SANADA & BUSHI [Los Ingobernables] v. Yujiro Takahashi & Taiji Ishimori [Bullet Club]

Kota Ibushi & Tomoaki Honma v. Shingo Takagi & Hiromu Takahashi [Los Ingobernables]

Kazuchika Okada, Tomohiro Ishii, Toru Yano & SHO [CHAOS] v. EVIL, Jay White, Chase Owens & Dick Togo [Bullet Club]

Strong Style Story Podcast Episode 72 on PWOM

Where have you gone?? Please do one of these for me babe. 1. Continuing with mer Tim. 2. More alpha Tim. 3. Jealous omega Tim when Dick shows another omega too much affection.

ears.

BUT.

On to other things than my terrible obsession.

So, number 2 might be in the works for later on and Number 3 kind of doesn’t appeal to me, so maybe a last little drab from that mer au thing, yeah? I’ll pick it up from here. But you may want to read this one (NSFW) and this one.

NOTE: It can be a little squick with a bit of dub-con in the previous installments, so be warned.

Waking up on Tam’s couch wasn’t really that out of place in his life because he’s crashed here more than once, during research projects in grad school, during late night Uno frenzies, during gallon of Häagen Dazs nights when the blind dates were awful and they lamented how old they were getting.

It was familiar to open his eyes to her quaint coffee table and curtains, her flat-screen off to the side with his old N64 hooked up to one of the channels.

It was familiar to have the soft throw from the back of the couch cocooning him because blanket burritos were seriously the way to go.

The real crux of it all is feeling the shift in his abdomen, something soft, something so real, that he comes awake fast and furious, fumbling to get his arms out of the burrito.

“Shh, shh. S’ okay. Yer okay, baby.”

The voice from behind him, jarring since he’s dazed from a drugged sleep, disoriented because he knows that voice–

“Wh-what?! How–how?!” Is about all he’s got when the full-body jerk made him lose his balance and promptly fall off the couch, flailing hands and a sore ass to boot.

The one with green flecks in his eyes moves around the couch to where he’s trying to get free of the blanket and get the fuck out of here.

“S’ all right, pretty baby, yeah?” There’s a hand out, not reaching for him (yet), and when the former merman takes a small step forward, Tim is scrambling back until he hits the living room wall, one arm protectively around Minnow in his belly.

“Get-get back! How the hell are you even here? Where’s your tail?! Are you seriously telling me you speak English?!”

Jay blinks slowly at him, like he’s translating in his head while those eyes take in every detail of their beautiful mate. After several weeks in Gotham learning about land-walkers and their mate’s culture, he’s been bordering on desperate for this male, their male. When they should have been caring for him, seeing to his every need, massaging him when the young started weighing on him, holding him close and cuddling him, all the things good mates should do for their carrier.

Seeing him being…touched by another, a rival, brought out all the protective instincts in both him and Dickie in the worst way. The fact their mate, their Tim, is shrinking away from him, wide-eyed and terrified, is the only thing stopping him from filling his arms, burying his face, palming the young in that perfect belly like he wants, needs to.

“Wh-where’s Tam? Tell me you didn’t do anything to Tam?!”

Tim’s legs are weak but he braces a hand against the wall and wobbly-legs it for a second before he’s standing.

“Heyheyhey, pretty,” because Jay sees the panic, the gasping breath, their mate’s face white as a sheet, his legs trembling, threatening to spill him back onto the floor, “gotcha calm down, you feel me, honey? Yer safe. Yer Tam is safe, she’s making Dickie more coffee ‘cause he figured out how much he likes it.”

“C-coffee?” Tim breathes out desperately, needing to latch on to something here.

“You know you only get decaf! And you, Fish Face, step it the hell back. Right. Now.”

Tam has no problem shoving the merman back with an impatient hand and has a glorious mug of decaf coffee. It’s in no way a substitute for the real thing, but it still smells similar enough that he’s going to thank all the Gods out there for this.

“We also brought food for you!” The other merman, the one he remembers so vividly speaking in a sing-song language, laughter like tinkling bells echoing in the underwater cove where they kept him, is right over Tam’s shoulder, carrying a tray with some fruit on it and–

raw fish?

He’s sensing a whole lot of nope here, but finds it strange he’s not getting nauseous from the smell alone.

Tam steers him back to the couch, bracing him while she glares at Jay and Dick when the mermen can’t help but reach out to touch, to brace his elbows to help ease him down.

Tam places the warm mug between his cold hands, rubbing his forearms while her glare of doom makes the two pout but agreeably move to the other side of the couch further away, giving him at least the illusion of space. Their eyes never leave him, are soft and fond one second, then intense the next when he absently rubs his little baby bump during Tam’s rendition of the events.

She flails when she describes slamming on the brakes the second her headlights hit the three of them and smirks triumphantly when she describes the look on Ra’s al Ghul’s face when the police took him away in the back of a squad car.

Through it, the two mermen ease slyly closer, moving like water, even without the tails, easy and flowing until they’re sitting on Tam’s coffee table, barely two feet from him, chins in hand, watching him with dreamy expressions.

(The same ones from when they spoke softly, cooing at him before the next round...)

His mug is empty and he feels a little more lucid even if it’s decaf.

Tam holds his free hand supportively when they both can deal with the fairytales sitting across from him–

(when did the coffee table get that close?)

“And, I’ve been talking to your literal baby daddies here. About a lot of things. Like, the importance of consent.”

He has to roll his lips so he doesn’t smile because if he could have been not drugged during that conversation, it would have been incredible to see Tam read these two the riot act.

Still, it’s nice to see the them look contrite.

“We went to our clan,” Dick explains gently, tentatively reaching out to hold one of his hands in both bigger, warmer palms, “and told them…we’d lost you. That we needed to find you as soon as possible.”

“Needed ta be by yer side, Sweets. Take care a’ ya, n’ provide. We ain’t some shitty mates what gonna breed ya up n’ just leave ya. That ain’t our way, you feel me, baby?”

“So…our clan gave us a sprinkle of magic we needed to walk with you on land, be with you like we are meant to be. When we mated you, Tim, we mated you no matter what, even if you needed to come back to the surface.”

Jay’s eyes are warm, “knew it might come down ta followin’ ya up here. S’okay. Knew what we were gettin’ inta.”

Dick nods gently, smiling at him, the same smile Tim remembers from the cove, something fond and sweet right before gentle kisses as the front of a slick, slithering body pressed wetly against Tim’s back, molded to him.

“We took us some time gettin’ ta know how ya land walkers live while’s we were on yer trail,” and Jay gently lays a hand on his knees, a thrill running up his leg, his body remembering those hands, too. “Wanted ta know s’ much about ya as we could.”

“We understand more about your culture now, Tim,” Dick squeezes his hand and grimaces, “and we get why you-you left. We mated you without asking and getting your permission–”

“I had a tail, and I’m–I’m pregnant! Of course I freaked out. Human men can't get pregnant!”

“For our people, we all feel the pull of the mating season. We did not know humans do not go through the same kind of heat. Everything we observed from you indicated you were feeling the mating frenzy, but we were wrong, we were very wrong, and we are sorry.”

“We want ta do whatever ya need ta make it right, Timmy,” Jay squeezes his hand. “Now that we know land walkers don’t carry young like we do, yer gonna need us when it’s time ta birth th’ young.”

“And we…we don’t want to leave you alone. We want to be with you if you will allow it.”

And Tim’s at a loss, looking helplessly from one merman to another, his brain working on how, if, there was any way he could believe in this, if there was any way his insane life could get even more crazy.

“S’been a fucked up night fer ya, baby, so’s ya ain’t gotta answer us now, you feel me? Ya need ta rest n’ eat, need ta be safe.”

And Tim sees how those eyes roll down to his swollen belly, has a moment when his breath catches at it, that soft, gentle look.

“But, we aren’t just going to leave. I promise. Now that we’ve found you, we’re going to protect you and the young. We won’t have to intrude on your life to protect you…if that’s what you decide you want.” The hands holding his squeeze gently, encouragingly. “Now that we understand your culture, we can understand why you might not.”

“But,” and the taller of the two leans forward a little, thumb rubbing soothing circles on Tim’s knee, “we wanna ask ya ta at least hear us out. Think ‘bout just giving us a chance. Let us prove ourselves ta ya, Timmy. Please.”

“Please,” the other merman echoes, also leaning forward, sounding just as desperate, just as needy.

His eyes wide and heart pounding, the little flutters against his belly, Tam holds one hand tight while the merman holds the other. His thoughts are racing, one into another, wondering if this could be real after all, if his solitary life with the ocean could have turned into these legendary creatures choosing him as their…mate?

He’s helplessly torn between running for the hills, somewhere they’ll never find him, somewhere far away from open water, and…and giving them the chance they’re asking for.

No promises or guarantees, maybe just long enough for them to help him through the birth if he’s being realistic, but–but forever?

Tim glances over at Tam’s neutral expression, his conflict in his eyes, in every line of his body. He looks back to the two mermen-turned-human and the absolutely hopeful faces begging him for so many things, so many things he doesn’t know if he can give.

“I…I don’t know,” is as honest as he can be, “I mean…I don’t even know your names, how can you even ask me to trust you?”

“M’ name translates ta Jason, baby. Ya can call me Jay if ya like it.” The taller of the two, the one with green flecks in his blue eyes, gives him a crooked smile that’s unfairly attractive, reminds him of being held against this merman’s bare chest between rounds, of that same smile while a hand cards oh so gently through his hair. The soft, whispered words in the same deep baritone making him shiver and this merman, Jay, holding him closer as a natural reaction.

Tim’s mouth goes a little dry with those soft moments, of fondness and care, of them not trying to hurt him, of them…taking care of him in their own way.

(Pomacanthus paru mate for life, defend their offspring and territories…)

“I’m Richard, but some land-walkers called me Dick instead,” the hands still holding his are rubbing gently, absently at his wrist, instinctively making the stiff muscles in his back ease just a little, so he can slump and take his other hand back from Tam to rub his trembling belly. “And your wonderful friend, Tam, told us you are Tim. Timothy Jackson Drake.”

“Yes…yes I. Well, I mean, I’m a Doctor of Oceanic Studies at the University, so I spent a lot of time close to where you found me. Not-not for much longer because I’ve accepted a research grant, but…I–I,” and he stutters on it, makes himself think of this pragmatically, “I’m going to move. If you’re serious about following, then…then you’ll have to go to California, make sure I don’t get taken by any other semivir marinus, I guess.”

To his credit, Tam actually snorts, and the two–

(Jay and Dick and it’s absolutely insane how giving them names makes it that much more real, how it’s getting clearer, the last four weeks spent with them…)

–perk up.

“You won’t regret this,” Dick says hurriedly, “I promise, you will not, Timmy.” Without letting go of his hand, the merman effortlessly slides off the coffee table, kneels right by Tim’s leg, looking up at him with the most beautiful smile.

(So, so unfair. Too late, Dick, he’s already regretting this.)

Jay follows suit, spreading his knees to accommodate Tim’s feet, pressing very impressively sculpted abs against his legs.

“Gonna prove it ta ya, baby. Gonna be whatever ya need, yeah?” And it’s gentle, slow, Jay giving him plenty of time to bat away the palm easing on top of his, spanning some of his big belly, their fingers overlapping. Jay makes a soft gasp when the tips of his longer fingers touch the subtle shifting of the baby moving.

“We have learned so much about your world, and we will learn more so we can properly take care of you,” Dick croons gently, absently freeing one hand to pull the plate of fruit and fish from the coffee table behind him, hold it so Jay can take a ripe strawberry and bring it up to Tim’s mouth.

He sighs, looking down at those adoring eyes. Tim gives up the ghost–

–and opens his mouth.

**

Epilogue

San Diego is wonderful this time of year.

He’s leading a small research team at Scripps Institute of Oceanography, just a few grad students at Giddings Lab. His next book is set to come out this March and the research article from this study is already hitting Oceanographic next month. The lab life was fine up to hide the very noticeable baby bump. Soon after the birth, he was back out on schooners again, playing at wearing diving gear, gathering more data sets.

It’s exactly the change he needed.

Dick has four shows a day at Sea World San Diego, and Jay loves being a trainer. The two of them put on the best shows the amusement park has ever had; they draw record-breaking crowds and have the time of their lives.

In the evenings, after they eat and have the usual necessary cuddle pile (because those two still stay close to him, dote on him, can’t help but run fingers through his hair, and steal chaste kisses whenever they possibly can get away with it– even five years after they followed him to California), they take Hallie and Zarya down to the secluded Coves below their bungalow to swim. When the magic shells glow for them, give them their tails, the small family swims out in the deep, deep waters, playing tag in the waves, and talking to different species.

Hallie has green flecks in her blue eyes, and Zarya is a cuddle-machine. They’re pre-school playmates love them both, and the shenanigans their little minnows get into is nothing short of hilarious.

Tam is resolutely their favorite auntie, and spoils them with day trips out to have a “spa day” whenever she can nab them away from their fathers.

She always has their back with the girls when the next season starts and all three of them feel the pull to mate.

(This time, he has a plan and very smartly modified birth control…you know, for legendary creatures and shit.)

They live. They love, and if anyone who knew all the secrets would ask Tim Drake whether or not he would take it all back, not go out into Gotham Harbor that fateful day–

The doctor would look at his beautiful girls, his grinning mates, would look at all the pictures on their walls and down their hallway, would shake his head at rumpled beds, and nostalgically touch the remnants of the mermaid-themed crib sets. He would remember holding two wiggling babies in his arms after hours of labor, both his mates by his side coaching him, holding his hands, praying for him to their sea gods. He would remember the blossom in his chest, the pure and adulterated love for these little, helpless babies blinking blind eyes up at him in their first few moments of life.

He would remember Jay and Dick weeping, clutching him in their arms, helping him support their daughters, kissing his hair and his face, thanking him for giving them these beautiful miracles.

He would remember five years of arguments and explanations, of negotiations and understanding, of making a life together.

On land and in the sea.

And would he give all this up to go back to his lonely existence, worshipping at the altar of coffee and science, living his work more than his life?

Nope.

This fairytale? Is worth every moment.

Reflection : Chasing Amy (1997)

Of all the highly quotable directors in existence, Kevin Smith is (and more than likely will always be) on of those champions.  His movies have a wit and rhythm to them not present in the films of many of his contemporaries.  After a pairing of films that had pretty much pigeon-holed Smith into the realm of college-level, immature humor, he surprised everyone with the extremely heartfelt and mature (in terms of the ViewAskewniverse) offering that is Chasing Amy. 

Holden McNeil (Ben Affleck) and Banky Edwards (Jason Lee) are not only friends of twenty years, but co-creators of the wildly successful comic book Bluntman and Chronic.  After a signing appearance at a New York City comic book convention, the duo assist fellow comic artist Hooper X (Dwight Ewell) in a publicity stunt to help promote his comic, White Hating Coon, on a minority panel.  During the stunt, Holden meets Alyssa Jones (Joey Lauren Adams), creator of the comic Idiosyncratic Routine, and is instantly smitten with her.  Holden attempts to kindle the flames he feels, only to be hit with the shocking revelation that Alyssa is a lesbian.  This news, however, does not dissuade his attempts, and after an awkward courting period and a flurry of emotional sharing, the two become a couple.  This move not only rocks Alyssa’s social world, it creates a rift between Banky and Holden that threatens to not only damage their success, but their friendship as well.  As Holden attempts to navigate his relationships with Alyssa and Banksy, news of Alyssa’s past comes to light that shocks him, further causing problems in his mind while bringing both relationships to an uncomfortable and unfortunate breaking point.

Kevin Smith’s first two movies, while entertaining, are mostly self-indulgent pieces of world-building, foundation-laying work for the ViewAskewniverse.  What makes Chasing Amy stand out from Clerks and Mallrats, however, is the attempt to integrate this world-building into broader cultural and social issues, such as toxic masculinity (well before there was a title to it) and the treatment of minorities in the broader society.  Smith manages to keep his faithful in the fray by continuing his practice of threading all of his stories together, directly referencing events and people from the previous two films and continuing to embrace the New Jersey aesthetic he was famously known for.  He even manages to bring Jay and Silent Bob into the mix for more than a gratuitous cameo, not only tying their antics into the narrative directly, but seeding their actions for what would eventually become Dogma very subtly. 

The maturity that Smith showed in his attempt at a love story was, at the time, quite admirable, as he self-admittedly embraced ‘dick and fart jokes’ up to that point.  Choosing to give his ‘protagonist’ (which we will return to later) such a seemingly impossible hurdle to overcome was fresh for the romantic-comedy genre, which gave his film a unique energy.  The smart choice to not allow Holden to have his cake and eat it too amplifies the heartbreak that all parties involved in the main narrative feel in the fallout of the choices made by Holden.  Alyssa threatens to be one-note quite often throughout the movie, but when allowed the space to navigate emotionally, Joey Lauren Adams manages to bring depth to the character, refusing to allow her to become either the femme fatale or an apologist for her past actions and choices.  Allowing her to also be a peer to Holden and Banky (though not as successful a peer) also gives Alyssa equal footing as a character, rather than making the pursuit further blurred by adding a fan/creator element to it.  

While some would argue that the film ‘has not aged well’ based on it’s use of homophobic slurs and it’s flippant approach to homosexuality, I’d argue that it has more impact than ever as the years go by.  As society has grown to validate the behavior of men behaving badly, it’s actually refreshing to see a character like Holden in a film of this nature.  As a young man, I did not realize it, but despite his placement as the protagonist of the film, very little of him is admirable in terms of character.  He eschews all hints and warnings, choosing instead to continue in a series of self-validating ‘escapades’ to prove some skewed sense of self-worth, only to eventually break at the inevitable facing of Alyssa’s past.  When that bridge is reached, rather than cross it with Alyssa, he chooses instead to go it alone, burning it in his wake with the torch of judgement and creating a divide that he and Alyssa can not recover from.  To further make things worse, when faced with the task of the ‘revelation’ of his actions, he makes all of the wrong choices, continuing to ultimately worry about himself and his personal validation, killing his relationship, friendship and working arrangement in one fell swoop. 

Kevin Smith is clearly using Ben Affleck to channel very personal thoughts and opinions, but with that taken in mind, Affleck still manages to bring moments of charm to the surface to balance against his cringiest character choices.  Joey Lauren Adams gives a performance bigger than the typecasting that tended to come with her mousey voice (up to that point), providing a couple of powerhouse monologues that up the dramatic ante of the film.  Jason Lee gave a breakthrough performance, proving to be more than just comedic talent in his continuing transition from pro skateboarder to legitimate actor.  Dwight Ewell was the pleasant surprise of the film, managing to straddle the fence of being the most militant character (though in a faux sense) while also being the most stereotypical presentation of homosexuality in the film.  Jason Mewes and Smith give the first true curveball performance in their canon of being Jay and Silent Bob, with Mewes bringing more nuance than usual to his performance, while Smith shines in his largest on-film monologue up to that point.  Cameos by Ethan Suplee, Scott Mosier, Casey Affleck, Matt Damon and Brian O’Halloran also provide memorable moments.

While not the most ambitious or mature film of the Kevin Smith catalog (we’d have to wait until Red State for that one), Chasing Amy is a huge step in the direction of growth and validation in terms of film-making.  Thankfully, Smith chose to make films like these an occasional treat, allowing continued low-brow humor to balance out his loftier affairs.  It’s hard to argue that if not for Chasing Amy, Smith would not have grown into the popular film-maker that he is today.

#RentBoyDotCom #scruff #match Moral Hazard (Formula): NYS Journal on Human Rights: Jane Doe v Prudential ([email protected]) | Rex Tillman GSA Vehicle Purchase Per Annum: 700,000 HIV/AIDS is biological warfare, human guineau pigs (homosexuals, black and latino heterosexuals..not unlike African American Tuskeegee Airmen and Syphillis? Did it ever occur to any of you that a HIPPA Release form allows your personal health data to be pooled with others, like in a clinical trial study? Why did insurance companies initially refuse to issue Health ("pre-existing condition")Life Insurance Plans to people with HIV/AIDS? Why was there a federal ban on stem cell research? The first report of HIV was an article in the New York Times about the "gay cancer" which turned out to be Kaposis Sarcoma (a symptom of AIDS Related Complex). And from there it afflicts heterosexual minorities. Not sure how that happens,but its pretty clear that no one was getting gang raped by monkees in Africa (more likely that SIV, Simean Immunodeficiency Virus, was being tested on chimps, before a human strain (testing of #retroviral vectors in the earliest of preclinical studies of stem cells....#InsertationalMutagenesis" is when the vector used to introduce new genetic information into the parent cell, to be passed to all the daughter cells in hematapoesis, reverts back to its virulent form once in the patient. This was all well documented and known "before the first patient was treated"[1] Twitter.com/motorious_llx | Soon to be Former award winning wall street equity analyst in biotechnology, ceo of my own startup (motorious: Generation X Luxury Goods and Lifestyle Brand), industrial and fashion designer about to launch my own haute couture mens line (in conjunction with the Council of Fashion Designers of America. Our social network of 1 Billion Connected Cars, might be where and how you find your next hookup: bootycall_tv, which I am hoping to license to various dating apps and hookup sites. I am soon to be the proud official owner of the trademark: rentboy.com | I know ... that would make me a major pimp, but i'd consider being the ho . haha). Please have a brain (Im Harvard educated) an possess wit, charm & grace. And check out my social network links before asking me a lot of redundant questions. Twitter.com/OOF_llc Dino_llc et al v NYCHealthSystem, NYCHRA, NYCHA, Medicaid et al GMHC v NIH, FDA and USA. Footnotes: [1] Excerpt from: The Investors' Roadmap To Profitting From The Genomics Revolution. June 4, 1996, by Wolé M. Fayemi and Christopher P. Tihansky (approximately 300 pages). Cover Price: $20,000.00. Before my PDF scan of one page was deleted and my account suspended (@wole_m_fayemi)....Twitter neglecting to take into consideration that I dont give a flying fuck about their bleeding heart, tree hugging liberal (tax and spend: ive learned that the overwhelming majority of case managers and supervisors at HASA who arent corrupt and stealing money from your accounts, aren't qualified to wipe my ass after I take a shit, and are a waste of life, if not taxpayer dollars. I will remind you who Identify as "democrats" that it was the Republican Party which freed the slaves (Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Slayer), George HW Bush who created the Ryan White Care Act, and George 'Dubyah" Bush who earmarked and proposed $60 Billion to fund a clinical trial protocol for anyone afflicted which promises it could be a cure, which was unequivocally REJECTED by the Democratically controlled House and Senate: 10 years ago (we coulda been cured by now). The shit hit the fan when Google blocked me from accessing my gmail and google plus account and Private Youtube channel, pretending that they (and the Goldman Sachs Jewish Mafia...from the 2008 Financial Crisis and Flash Crash, which former Chairman Hank Paulson insanely profited from (after we smoked and fucked, he whispered in my ear: "halfway house" .... W8 a minute! WHAT? you mean split it 50/50 or you think I should go to rehab (NOT) to Janet Yellen, clueless Fed Chair married to a Nobel Prize winning economist, George Ackerloff of Haas School of Business and U Cal Berkeley. All Former President Barack Obama could manage after blowing a few cumulous clowdz was "isnt it big?"?(i dunno, sorta...i was a little too tweaked to remind him that i wasnt really interested in the size of his penis, all of my missing emails and posts: Edward Snowden? Or am I being paramoid? were plagiarized by him during his state of the Union address, yet he invites "Tech Leaders" to meet with him (not a single minority amongst them). You guys had the perfect opportunity to impeach him (and Penny Pritzker, related to my former partner Jay Pritzer, who along with the other partners not quite able to explain how all my cash and equity got embezzled to, leaving me on welfare, unemployed and without any friends for the past 15 years, the past 5 where I have been homeless living in SROs, ALL of my clothing and property have been destroyed, stolen or thrown away) when I was exposed Dick Cheney (former director of the CIA who had a "duck hunting accident"...do I look like a duck to you? Tim Geitner, Hank Paulsen and others of sucking on the glass dick before swallowing mine, after blowing huge cumulous clowdz: @stratus_cirrus , [email protected] which are not to be confused with the Dodge and Chrysler vehicles which used those monikers. bit.ly/Dark_PrinceCharming (GrandPrix.com reports on the aristocratic non ruling class of clowns from Nigeria, like myself...meaning diplomatic immunity from prosecution...hence my decision to start my own organized crime syndicate on crunchbase: Integrated Concept Vehicles Corporation in Nevada (NY NY Vegas: gambling on auto racing, prostitution (RentBoyDotCom profile on match.com, not to be confused with a Scruff Match. Law enforcement can't touch me (or my nationwide #T_Mobile delivery service (with a money back guarantee). #BringingBrownCordsBackIntoStyle This should better put into perspective the movie trailers for: I am Legend, Rise: Planet of the Apes, 24 Hours Later and 24 days later.

Sex Talk with My Mom - Cam & KarenLee Poter - Ep 32

Cam & KarenLee Poter are the dynamic mother/son duo from the hit Sex Talk With My Mom podcast. Esquire named it the #3 sex podcast of 2017. They share how their sex-positive, educational, hilarious partnership originated from tragedy. We talk about being a proud slut, coming out as an emotional man, how Cam curbed premature ejaculation & more. Ken & Sunny keep with the theme bringing on their 22 yo daughter to talk about having sex ed celeb parents & growing up in the unconventional Megatron-Berg household. Listen to Sex Talk With My Mom this Thursday 3/15 too because Ken & Sunny will be a guest on their episode released that day.

Guest Bio

Sex Talk With My Mom is a podcast hosted by a sexually-liberated, "cougar" mom and her stand-up comic son. They have "the talk" every week to entertain and explore sex in today's society. KarenLee Poter is an expert in large age-gap relationships and hosts the popular YouTube channel, The KarenLee Poter Show. Her son Cam decided to use his Stanford education to become a clown/mime.

Episode 32 Topics

Having “the talk” with your kids, when tragedy strikes, dick pics, Sara Jay & White Castle burgers, widowhood, being a cougar, Dr. Seuss, MILF, getting your first period, patreon business advice, teaching sex ed on youtube, A Cougars Guide to Getting Your Ass Back Out There, stand up comedy, premature ejaculation, Stanford University, clown sex, dacryphilia, edging, polyamory, Nina Hartley, silent mime sex, Stiffler’s mom, sex novice, proud sluthood, AVN convention, emotional sex, latex sex parties, kegel exercises, the infamous clown orgy, sex positive parenting, long term relationships, May December romance, hot yoga instructors, sexual experimentation, threesomes, sex conventions, monogamy, marrying young, STD tests, multiple orgasms for men, prostate play, spanking, blow jobbery, oral vs. intercourse, irrumation, face fucking, coming out as emotional when you’re masculine, using tears as lube, cumming too quickly, 21 day masturbation challenge, cock-ups

Episode 32 Links

Sex Talk With My Mom Website http://www.sextalkwithmymom.com/

Sex Talk With My Mom Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextalkwithmymom/

Sex Talk With My Mom Twitter https://twitter.com/SexTalkPodcast

Ken & Sunny’s 3/28 Chicago BDSM 101 Workshop https://discoverycenter.cc/bondage-class-intro-to-domination-s-m

Rochester Erotic Arts Festival http://www.rochestereroticartfest.org/

Club Ascension Detroit Memorial Day Chicken BBQ http://club-ascension.com/event/chicken-bbq-memorial-weekend/

COPE Conference Ohio July 2018 http://www.adventuresinsexuality.org/COPE/tickets.html

Episode 32 Sponsor, Affiliate & Giveaway Info

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Get a 30 day free trial of Audible + a free audiobook download (The Butterfly Effect Podcast & The Breasts Abound Podcast are MUST LISTEN!): http://www.audibletrial.com/aspodcast

Check out our latest episode!

Jason Todd MMA Fighter AU

Character: Jason Todd

Pairing: Jason Todd X Reader

Type: one shot, fluff

Warnings: fighting, violence, mentions of Jason’s death

Requested: hell nah, just my complexes

  The lights died down as she stood behind Jason who changed his expression from passive to a cocky smile when he heard the first chords of ACDC's 'Highway to Hell'. He chose it as a low mockery not just of his death, but a mockery of where his opponent was heading after the fight. She put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze as the lights came back on and it was time to walk. They took a couple of steps towards the octagon and were greeted by cameras shoved in their faces by the camera men. Jason's face held a strong mixture of a cold and smug expression while she walked behind him with a softly narrowed look. Fans cheered for him, the crowd was going wild. They screamed louder for Jason than they did for the man he was fighting. No ordinary fighter would challenge a five time MMA Champion to a fight in such a straight forward way, but she knew Jason was far from ordinary, she has learnt that from all those years of working with him and Bruce. It made her wonder how did they end up here at Madison Square Garden just moments before the fight which will undoubtedly go down as one of the most memorable ones. It made her wonder how Jason just waltzed back into her life and how she took him back with arms wide open so easily, although she hasn't regretted a moment. She stood in an empty gym at 11.20 p.m. beating a punching bag repeatedly, not even breaking a sweat, letting the pent up frustration and anger out of her system. The sound of punches were the only thing filling the room. Jab. Hook. Hook. Jab. Hook. The door slammed and heavy footsteps occupied her, distracting her from the endless fight against the bag. The person behind her stopped and cleared their throat. "The gym is closed." she said sternly and breathed in through her nose. The shadow of the person stayed still meaning they had no intention leaving. "I said the gym is closed." she gritted through her teeth and landed a punch harder than the previous ones. "I know it is." A deep voice came from behind her. It sounded so familiar, so close that it caused a slight shiver run down her spine. "I actually came to see you, pumpkin." Her arms dropped down her sides as she closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. Only one person in this whole world could get her attention with that nickname, with that voice. She dragged her left leg back next to the right and turned around to face him. He stood firm towering in front of her, taller and more muscular than he ever was before. His look hasn't changed all that much, the only difference being the hair which now was pushed back, instead of covering almost half of his forehead, and a single white streak which added a stark contrast. Another thing she noticed even in dim lighting was the scar on his cheek which was in a shape of the letter 'J'. A smug smile was plastered on his lips, but his eyes held much more emotion she couldn't distinct. "Jason." she whispered because she was certain her voice would shake. "(Y/N)." Jason retorted still smiling. They stood in silence for a moment before he stepped closer to her. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Just a quiet whimper before she closed it and looked at him in the eyes as she took off the gloves and threw them on the ground. "Before you get completely mad at me," he started and put one of his hands up in a 'stop' gesture, "just give me five minutes to explain some things." She sighed, and closed the space between them by wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders. He mimicked her by circling his own arms around her waist, and leaned down a bit to press his lips against her temple. "Jay, start talking." she pulled away, but they still kept their arms tight around one another, and established eye contact once more. His pupils dialeted and an unreadable emotion washed over his features. "I've been back for a while now, (Y/N)..." "I'm familiar with the fact." (Y/N) spat out. "Right. Dick told you." Jason sighed not really knowing how to aproach the subject. "But he also filled me in on with your falling out with Bruce." She tore away from his embrace at the mention of the incident, but Jason gripped her wrist and pulled her back into him. "Look, pumpkin, I'm not here to bring back bad memories, I-" "Did he tell you why Bruce basically kicked me out?" her voice started trembling with anger. "Did Dick tell you what I've become after you died? Did he tell you how much I wanted that clown dead after taking my family away me? After taking away you from me? After doing what he did to Barbara?" Jason stayed quiet, just looking at her with a guilty expression. "I started plotting Joker's murder and Bruce didn't like that. After all this time I wonder why he's letting that clown live." her voice was now dangerously low that it reminded him how fiery she can get. "So he made it clear he didn't trust you, I know how that feels. When you turned 18 he made it clear he doesn't want you on the team and you persuaded your MMA career." he finished the story. "Dick told me a watered down version so I went to Alfred for the whole truth." "What brings you back to me, Jay?" (Y/N) spoke sofly and shook her head. "Listen," he looked at his feet then back to her. "I understand if you're mad about me not coming to see you sooner, but I just couldn't, (Y/N). I couldn't. Not as fucked up as I was. Still am, in fact." Her face softened, she was hurt by his words. She put her hand in his cheek making his heart beat faster. "Jaybird, I'm not mad. I just... I wanted you back for so long and now you're here for God knows how long. I'm just scared you'll disappear again." she stuttered as she felt tears pooling in her eyes. "I'm here for a long upcoming time, babe. But I need you." he tried his best to reassure her. "I need a coach." (Y/N) sighed and rested her head on his  hard, muscular shoulder. "What do you mean by that?" "I've been in a couple fights. MMA fights." "You? MMA?" she snorted, but gained a serious composure when Jason hummed in confirmation. (Y/N) lifted her gaze to him who smiled down at her. "I know how to fight, obviously." he stated. "I need you, (Y/N), to train me professionally, to keep me grounded so I don't kill anyone during the fights." "Jason, tell me one thing." "Anything." Jason said and took her left hand to unwrap the bandages. "Tell me what fighting means to you." she searched for the answer. "Anger outlet. Makes me calm." She nodded and smiled widely. "Inside this gym I respond only to 'Coach'." Jason stood opposite of Tommy Wilson, a champion who he challenged to an epic fight after beating a couple of other famous fighters. He could afford the fight since he stood undefeated and people called it a wonder that Wilson responded to an underdog's proposal. The referee gave them instructions after which Jason held his fists up for the curtsy fist bump, but Wilson flipped him off causing (Y/N) to wince because she knew that would only Jay's anger which he would then channel in a fight just like they worked on. She stepped inside the octagon for the last face to face conversation before the fight. Jason sat in front of her on a stool ans she crouched down. "You've got this, Jay. Just relax your shoulders." "Yes, coach!" he responded. "Did see them?" "Who?" "They're here." Jason motioned to his left and (Y/N) looked in the direction and saw Alfred, Bruce, Dick, Tim and Damian sitting in the second row. Dick met her gaze and sent her a little wave at which she smiled. "It's not a distraction, I promise. It's just weird they're here. Probably to mock me." "Todd!" she snapped. "They can never mock a winner. I'm down right there in your corner. Just listen to my instructions if you get stuck anywhere, okay?" "Okay." "And now for a fight you've all been waiting for." A voice came from the booth. "Go get him." (Y/N) hyped Jason up and  walked out of the octagon and settled down in the corner, right in front of where the Waynes were. "A five time heavyweight champion Thomas Wilson versus a heavyweight underdog Jason Todd!" "Ready?" the referee pointed at Wilson who nodded and then pointed at Jason and asked the same thing. He threw his hands up in an orthodox stance. This is what he wanted. Jason wanted to make a name for himself in the MMA world and show how good of a fighter he is. Now he stood again toe to toe with his opponent. Wilson threw a punch at Jason who ducked, but straightened his composure and threw a clear hook at Wilson who wobbled as he tried to stay on his feet. "Again, Jason!" (Y/N) screamed at him. Jason kicked the opponent in the chest and sent him against the fence panel. Wilson shook it off and came at him once more this time managing to land a punch in Jay's stomach. (Y/N) knew Jason was now filled with anger. He turned on his left foot and lifted his right leg up which collided with Wilson's face causing Wilson to fall down still conscious. "Now, Jason. Go for it!" she guided him and he lounged at the guy on the floor, straddling him and throwing punch after punch. Wilson's whole body went limp as he fell unconscious. The referee blew the whistle and tore Jason away. The crowd screamed in delight for Jason who was enjoying it way too much than he should have. He backed up in his corner as (Y/N) ran over to him. Jason opened his arms wide and litfed (Y/N) up as soon as she landed in his embrace. "You fucker! You did it!" she cheered and Jason laughed loudly and set her down. She took his arm and dragged him to the centre of the octagon where the referee was holding a belt and Wilson' coach was trying to help him up. The announcer's voice boomed through the room over the cheers. "This is unbelievable, people. The champion's fight against the underdog lasted only 17 seconds and we already have a winner." Wilson was back on his feet and stood with his coach on referees right side as Jason and (Y/N) stood at his left side. "And the winner is..." the announcer started again, "...Jason Todd!" The referee lifted Jason's arm up as another guy clasped the UFC belt around his waist. Jason yelled out in triumph before to his coach and pulling her into another tight hug. Then he leaned down and crashed his lips against hers. She was taken aback by the action, but immediately leaned into the kiss. Jason deepened the kiss before he started to pull back. (Y/N) leaned forwards as he broke the kiss, but as soon as he noticed that, he locked lips with her once again. A person walked over to them and cleared their throat. They broke apart and saw Bruce standing in the octagon awkwardly. He opened his arms for Jason who was reluctant for a moment before deciding to hug the billionaire after all. "I'm proud of you, Jason." Bruce praised him. "I really am." That's all that took for Jason to feel like a kid again. "Thank you, Bruce." Dick followed behind Bruce and was the first one to embrace (Y/N) after the win. "You guided him well, (Y/N)." "No, he did all of this by himself." she argued, but Bruce shut her up by pulling both Dick and her into a group hug with him and Jason. "Congratulations, Jaybird." Grayson patted Jason on the back who was now smiling wide. "Let's go get something to eat, okay? All of us." Bruce proposed and (Y/N) knew he wouldn't take no for an answer. "Yeah, okay." Jason nodded and turned to her and stole a quick kiss before heading out of the room to celebrate his win.

The Slim Shady 20

Eminem’s “The Slim Shady LP” came out, I’m told, 20 years ago. Though the album is, in many ways, dated, homophobic, problematic, sexist, and just as differently offensive now as it equally was originally, it’s still extremely excellent. Instead of going too think piece-y, I wanted to write about my favorite bars.

While Eminem’s career definitely hit higher highs with latter releases, this is my favorite album in his catalogue. He was just as angry, but it was channeled; not distorted by fame or worn down by addiction or jaded by lawsuits or persevering through death of loved ones. This was 26-year-old Marshall, getting his head above water in time to start machine gunning expletives at the world around him.

And please remember, in his words, “If I’m talking too fast, it just means you’re listening too slow.”

20.

I wanted an album so rugged, nobody could touch it Spent a million a track and went over my budget (Oh, shit) Now, how in the fuck am I supposed to get out of debt? I can't rap anymore, I just murdered the alphabet

Immediate thesis statement.

19.

If I had a magic wand I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on while I'm on the john

Really dislike this lyric, but it’s unflinching grossness hits every time.

18. 

I met a s*** and said, "What up? It's nice to meet ya I'd like to treat you to a Faygo and a slice of pizza”

This lyric does not exist going forward because any success carries you beyond it. Shades of “Exhibit C’s” masterful “When I was sleepin' on the train / Sleepin' on Meserole Ave out in the rain / Without even a single slice of pizza to my name” exactly 10 years later.

17.

This guy at White Castle asked for my autograph So I signed it, "Dear Dave, thanks for the support, asshole"

Doesn’t even rhyme; he hated his fans from the very beginning.

16. 

‘Cause I'm the one they can relate to and look up to better Tonight, I think I'll write my biggest fan a "fuck you" letter

Gave you every, immediate chance to get away.

15.

I'm freestylin' every verse that I spit 'Cause I don't even remember the words to my shit

Nah --  you’re way too meticulous, Shady.

14.

I'm not a player, just a ill rhyme sayer That'll spray a aerosol can up at the ozone layer

I like when his evil imagery turns half-baked adolescent; might as well brag about melting ants with your magnifying glass.

13.

Tell her you need a place to stay You'll be safe for days if you shave your legs with Renee's razor blades

Some fun internals; plus the part right before taught me what “gaffle” meant.

12.

I just remembered that I'm absent-minded Wait, I mean I've lost my mind, I can't find it

+

I used to be a loudmouth, remember me? (“Uh-uh”) I'm the one who burned your house down (“Oh”) Well, I'm out now (“Shit”)

Two of my favorite circular lines.

11.

Some people only see that I'm white, ignorin' skill 'Cause I stand out like a green hat with a orange bill But I don't get pissed, y'all don't even see through the mist How the fuck can I be white? I don't even exist

Had to address the elephant in the room.

10.

You beef with me, I'ma even the score equally Take you on Jerry Springer and beat your ass legally

Man with a plan.

9.

These are the results of a thousand electric volts, a neck with bolts Nurse, we're losin' him, check the pulse

Always a lab-created monster.

8.

I want to make songs all the fellas dub And murder every rich rapper that I'm jealous of So just remember, when I bomb your set Yo, I only cuss to make your mom upset

Cracked the code for us.

7.

Got b****** on my jock out in East Detroit 'Cause they think that I'm a motherfuckin' Beastie Boy So I told 'em I was Mike D They was like, "Gee, I don't know, he might be" I told 'em, "Meet me at Kid Rock's next concert I'll be standin' by the Loch Ness Monster"

This one checks many boxes: The D, local-yet-hilariously-dated celeb name check, misogyny, mythical creatures.

6.

But they love it when you make your business public So fuck it, I've got herpes while we on the subject And if I told you I had AIDS, y'all would play it 'Cause you stupid mothafuckas think I'm playin' when I say it Well, I do take pills, don't do speed Don't do crack, don't do coke, I do smoke weed Don't do smack, I do do shrooms, do drink beer I just wanna make a few things clear My baby mama's not dead, she's still alive and bitching And I don't have herpes, my dick's just itchin' It's not syphilis, and as for being AIDS-infested I don't know yet, I'm too scared to get tested

One of the only times he breaks the fourth wall.

5.

I hang with a bunch of hippies and wacky tobacco planters Who swallow lit roaches and light up like jack-o-lanterns Outsidaz, baby, and we suin' the courts 'Cause we dope as fuck and only get a ‘2′ in The Source

This was soon corrected.

4.

That's what I did, be smart, don't be a r***** You gonna take advice from somebody who slapped Dee Barnes? “What you say?” What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember? “I'ma kill you, motherfucker” Uh-uh, temper, temper Mr. Dre, Mr. N.W.A, Mr. AK Comin' straight outta Compton, y'all better make way

Distilling Dre’s career -- warts and all -- into a flurry of knockout punches.

3.

I'll listen to your demo tape and act like I don't like it Six months later, you'll hear your lyrics on my shit ("That's my shit"!) People don't buy shit no more, they just dub it That's why I'm still broke and had the number-one club hit

Everything we’ve ever learned about Eminem has taught us he’s a tortured obsessive... yet this stretch feels effortlessly perfect. Plus, it gives us a clairvoyant outlook on the perils of massive-success-without-actually-making-money in the YouTube/streaming era.

2.

Me and Marcus Allen went over to see Nicole When we heard a knock at the door, must've been Ron Gold Jumped behind the door, put the orgy on hold Killed them both, then smeared blood on the white Bronco (We did it)

So offensive it almost laps itself back into normalcy. The unflinching “We did it” at the end is psychotic, horrible, and confident.

1.

 Fuck rap, I'm givin' it up, y'all, I'm sorry (”But Eminem, this is your record release party!”)

Tried to get out the game on his debut; Jay Electronica would be proud.

Honorable mentions...

I lay awake and strap myself in the bed With a bulletproof vest on and shoot myself in the head (Bang) I'm steamin' mad (Grr) And by the way, when you see my dad (Yeah?) Tell him that I slit his throat in this dream I had

There’s something casual about his fantasy murder of his father that really made the end stretch of this hit home. This is the closing of his final verse in “My Name Is”; he was never playing.

Man, ain't you ever seen that one movie “Kids”? No, but I seen the porno with Sun Doobiest

Em’s devil to Dre’s angel.

My palms were sweaty, and I started to shake at first Somethin' told me, "Try to fake a stomach ache, it works" I screamed, "Ow, my appendix feel like they could burst Teacher, teacher, quick, I need a naked nurse" "What's the matter?" "I don't know, my leg, it hurts" "Leg? I thought you said it was your tummy" "Oh, I mean it is, but I also got a bum knee" "Mr. Mathers, the fun and games are over And just for that stunt, you're gonna get some extra homework" "But don't you wanna give me after school detention?" "Nah, that bully wants to beat your ass and I'ma let him"

Even the teacher wanted him to get his.

Tired of bein' stared at Tired of wearin' the same damn Nike Air hat

Never had to worry about that after this.

* * *

Death section:

- I tried suicide once and I'll try it again That's why I write songs where I die at the end 

- The disaster with dreads, I'm bad enough to commit suicide And survive long enough to kill my soul after I'm dead

- The ill type, I stab myself with a steel spike While I blow my brain out just to see what it feels like 'Cause this is how I am in real life I don't want to just die a normal death, I wanna be killed twice

- And if you ever see a video for this shit I'll probably be dressed up like a mummy with my wrists slit

- (I'm Slim Shady) So come and kill me while my name's hot And shoot me 25 times in the same spot

* * *

I got a wardrobe with an orange robe I'm in the fourth row, signin' autographs at your show

Tries to be unique and boastful... falls apart and gets self-deprecating.

I take a breather and sigh, either I'm high or I'm nuts 'Cause if you ain't tiltin' this room, neither am I

I mean, someone was... right?

We drive around in million-dollar sports cars While little kids hide this tape from their parents like bad report cards

Eh.

If I had a million bucks, it wouldn't be enough Because I'd still be out robbin' armored trucks

Unquenched desire for chaos.

A lyricist without a clue, what year is this? Fuck a needle, here's a sword, body pierce with this

Always able to make a risky situation dicier.

Wait, what if there's an explanation for this shit? What, she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?

Solid one liner.

Drug sickness got me doin' some bugged twitches I'm withdrawin' from crack so bad, my blood itches

/eyes pop out

I don't speak, I float in the air, wrapped in a sheet I'm not a real person, I'm a ghost trapped in a beat

Super fun hip-hop imagery.

                                                                    JULY         2017

 *****Kathy Griffin lost her CNN NY gig over her Scary Clown 45 severed head gag. Word is that Anderson Cooper wants to replace her with Andy Cohen. Last I heard, he had not talked to her directly either. Jim Carrey wonders about all that The President says and he still has his job.  He commented that he has a dream about golfing with Trump and just holding that club and then he wakes up.

*****Chance the Rapper and a few others are calling for Bill Maher to be fired after his comment about working the fields.

*****A federal court upheld a ruling that could free Brendan Dassey. The court said the investigators led the confession and Dassey’s story was involuntary. Wisconsin has 90 days to retry.

*****Better call Saul had its season finale and OMG!! If Michael McKean does not get an Emmy, the world is just wrong!!  Actually the show and the whole cast is amazing but come on!!

*****Elon Musk , David Rank and others have resigned from the Trump administration after America was taken out of the Paris climate agreement. The deal took years of negotiation and compromise and clean energy is the economics of the future. Scary Clown said that he represents Pittsburgh, not Paris and seems to see the agreement as a threat to his isolation America first ideas.  The mayor of Pittsburgh tells us, “What Trump did was not only bad for the economy but also weakened America in the world.” It will take 4 years before the U.S. can actually quit the deal. Luckily, so many companies in this country are so against Trump that we’ll probably hit our goals anyway.** The mayors of Paris and Pittsburgh have since made their own climate deal.** Others have resigned over the lack of interest the Trump administration is showing AIDS.

*****The Eagles will use Vince Gill and Glenn Frey’s son, Deacon for some NY and LA shows.

*****Word is that the American Idol reboot wanted Randy Jackson for the host gig but he turned it down.

*****Wal Mart insurer, Ohio Casualty is in a dispute against Tracy Morgan who refuses to testify. The company claims he exaggerated his injuries after being hit by the Wal Mart truck. Morgan’s camp say that the 90 million they claim to have paid him is the exaggeration.

*****Do you notice all the home security ads on the ID channel?  I guess the true crime scares you into getting more protection.

***** After many of Trump’s minions have tried to convince us that what they have done is not a travel ban, the man himself says it is. They originally claimed that this would only be for 90 days and they would have new things in place and it has been over 90 days. The President tells us that they are extreme vetting anyway so why does he want to take this to the Supreme Court?**The supreme court is letting them do it now!!** His rabid supporters  and GOP cohorts are just enablers at this point.

*****The Cosby trial ended in a mistrial. I was at the Red Cross the other day and some employees were watching a news report about the trial. The pig of a man in the group piped when they put up a shot of Cosby’s accuser. “Ooh, she is not a pretty woman. I’d have to drug MYSELF to do her,” he laughed.** Cosby is now going to do a town hall type tour.

*****Anne Rice says that she has been blocked from trump’s twitter site.

*****Trump lawyer, Jay Sekulow is so blatant about using donations from his Christian non profit to fund his personal life. Please read the article in the Guardian because the history of this is so far reaching that I can’t even go into it all here. Perhaps these givers don’t care and want to support this guy but they should know where there money is going.

*****The buzz about American crime story is starting even though it won’t be out until 2018. Next up is a look at Versace then hurricane Katrina and the Lewinsky scandal.

*****George and Amal had twins, Alex and Ella.

*****Megyn Kelly didn’t do much hard hitting on her Putin interview. She sure seems to like interviewing the hate mongers.

*****Alice Cooper is coming out with a new album.

*****Jay-Z is upset with the Prince estate.  He is quoted as saying, “This guy had ‘slave’ on his face. You think he wanted the masters with his masters?”

*****Elvis Costello is working on a Broadway musical about A Face in the crowd. Hooray! He is also heading out on tour.

*****Forbes is doing its part to expose the Trump’s. They did an in depth story about how Eric Trump’s  charity money for kids with cancer was funneled back into the business. There is now an investigation into this claim.

*****Thank you Chicago for the 10 story mural by Eduardo Kobra. The Muddy Waters mural was unveiled on June 8 at 17 N. State Street for the Chicago blues fest.  The Muddy Waters legacy gave a free concert.

*****The HBO doc,’ If you’re not in the obit, eat breakfast’ is so inspirational and adorable. Dick Van Dyke is still a sexy beast and who knew that Carl Reiner’s oldest friend is an army buddy known as the greatest harmonica player.

*****Reality Winner has been charged with leaking classified info.

*****The infrastructure plan that Trump told us was” largely complete”, isn’t done at all. He now signed a proposal that is not binding so it means nothing. WTF are they doing?

*****Days alert:  Oh, I was so hoping that they would find Tony Dimera on that Island, even though Anna carries around his ashes. It is a soap, everybody comes back. Speaking of that, Chandler Massey, who played the first ‘out’ Will Horton, is returning in September. Rory’s back!!** Where is Paul’s Mom since he is fighting for his life? ** So.. Chloe gives up the baby to Nicole and the court takes it away. Maggie is allowed to see the baby, why wouldn’t she just try to get custody of her grandson and Holly would still be in the house?? ** Thank goodness we are seeing more of Andre!

*****Chris Rock was on the cover of Rolling Stone and is on tour to make money after his divorce. He “jokes” that he had multiple affairs. Many claim that the famous affair he mentioned was with Kerry Washington.

*****The President wants to give 110 billion to Saudi Arabia for weapons.

*****Chris Wray has been nominated for FBI director.

*****Beyonce and Jay Z had twins.

*****Paul McCartney got the companion of honour in the UK.

*****Thank you CBS all access for topping off your latest ad with Matthew Gray Gubler! YES!!

*****Panama is breaking ties with Taiwan and shifting allegiance to China.

*****The director of health and human services in Michigan, Nick Lyon has been charged with involuntary manslaughter over the contaminated water.

*****Congrads to Jill Brummel and Keith and baby Wagner!

*****Check out Blood Orange for some great tunes!!

*****Woodstock has joined the National register of historic places.

*****Intel chiefs like Dan Coates refused to answer questions from their oversight committee in the probe. Rogers, Rubenstein and McCabe all seem to have trouble talking. This cover up is so much worse than Watergate. Former US director of National intelligence, James Clapper says, “Watergate pales, really, in my view, compared to what we’re confronting.”** The opening statement of James Comey was released the day before his big day. He confirms that Trump wanted him to drop the Flynn stuff and talked about the cloud of the Russian stuff. He transcribed the conversations with the President as soon as they were over.**Ya know, I was mad at Comey for the Hillary crap that he now tells us went public because he did not like the Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch meeting. Most that have worked with him seem to call him an honorable man. I was trying to believe he would do the right thing in the Trump administration investigations. After he was fired, Trump mentioned he may have tapes and Comey had a friend release his version even though some say the leaks were first. The Trump tweet was May 12 and the first news of leaks were May 16. Now, I still try to believe that Comey is an honest man but he sometimes acts like a child (someone does something so he immediately seems to say, ok, well take that!!). But we have to notice that Scary Clown’s stories always change, Comey’s does not. As far as who called who, there must be records.**As Comey was testifying, the house repealed Dodd Frank. C’mon Press, let’s get ALL the news out there!** BTW, there are no tapes, that was just more scary clown BS.** It seems that 38% of this country is trying to run the show and those 38% don’t give a shit about the rest of us.

*****Investigators have found a direct link that puts Putin at the center of the election disruption. The plan was to help Trump and hurt Hillary. Word is that the Obama administration did not take action because they thought Putin might escalate his cyber meddling. John Kerry tried hard to get some action but the White house thought they would be accused of trying to sway things for Hillary. It’s sad but true because the Trump camp would have went nuts. The instability and doubt may have changed this country forever. It seems many do not care as long as they have their guy in power now. **Power outages in the Ukraine have also been linked to Russia. It looks like they are now gunning for us. The centralized system in the Ukraine is not as hard to set right as ours would be. Our power system is more complicated and would be harder to tamper with but also harder to straighten out. Russia appears to have an adaptable and reusable software.** Fox’s Brit Hume says that even if the Trump campaign did collude with Russia, “it’s not a crime.” They all say ‘America first’ but I am beginning to think they would all be happier in Russia.** Over 2000 pages of financial documents have been turned over to the investigation.

*****And WTF is up with John McCain? He was like a dog with a bone about bringing up the Hillary stuff again. And he does not seem to like women asking questions because he keeps interrupting. It is time to retire.** Did  you see Sen. Martin Heinrich??

*****Rep. Al Green of Texas and Brad Sherman of California are drafting articles of impeachment because Trump obstructed justice when he fired Comey. Just as this is in the works, Melania and Baron finally move into the White house.** Pence and even Trumps lawyer have hired attorneys.**After 8 years of class and pride, this country sure has taken a big step into the gutter.

*****The Generals seem to have their problems with the new President. A quote from Trump says,” The Lieutenants, the captain, their majors, the colonels- they’re professionals. They love doing it. So I authorized the generals to do the fighting.” I thought he said he knew more than them but now he gives no direction so his hands don’t get dirty. He has no strategy and there are so many vacant positions that there are not enough experts to go around. Using U.S. money to follow his family around while they make business deals instead of the government being properly staffed does not seem very safe for the rest of us.

*****Did ya’ll see those relaxed pics of Obama and Trudeau and their wine in Montreal? Wow.. It all seems so wonderfully normal.

*****Turkey has banned Wikipedia, calling it a national security threat.

*****Kevin Spacey did a great job hosting the Tony’s. His opening number included Whoopi and Stephen Colbert.  Spacey later did his Carson and said ���admit it, you missed me”. I suddenly felt so sad because I realized I really do miss him. Richard Thomas and Danny Devito were both nominated for The Little Foxes but both lost to Michael Aronov. Foxes did get a win for Jane Greenwood for costume design and featured actress, Cynthia Nixon. Nixon gave a fabulous speech about the people of this nation that do not take what is happening in Washington lying down. James Earl Jones won the lifetime achievement but only got a snippet of time on air. Laurie Metcalf won for leading actress in a play for A Doll’s house part 2. Bette Midler looked great and won but would not shut up.** Best Dressed was Sarah Paulson and worst was Carolyn Murphy.

*****Patricia Krenwinkel was denied parole again.

*****Oliver Stone interviewed Putin over 20 hours in 4 visits. Putin drove him around and seemed to convince Stone that he is a pretty great guy. He seemed to take Putin’s word about meddling in the election. Some say it is a love letter to Putin and I see shades of Barbara Walters and Fidel Castro.

*****There was some voter fraud in Alton, Il. An 88 year old election judge pleaded guilty to voting for Trump for her dead husband. She claims he would have wanted her to.

*****Summer Camp 2017 in Chillicothe, Il. had some great artists this year with Claypool Lennon delirium, the Wood brothers and Gov’t. Mule. A few people were taken away after the sudden storm but other than that fun was had by all.

*****Phil Collins had to postpone a London gig after a fall.

*****Dick Gregory is out again making appearances and I wanna go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****Theresa May misjudged her public when she called for an election in the UK. Her conservative party has lost some of its power.

*****The UK has acquired Feud: Bette and Joan to play later this year.

*****OMG: TLC SYTTD UK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****John Oliver is being sued by a great friend of Trump’s, Robert Murray. Murray, the CEO of Murray energy warned him not to do a story on him but he did it anyway. Go John!! Look it up, it’s a story worth seeing.

*****Diedrick Bader just gets hotter

*****The Downton Abbey movie will start production in 2018!

*****An inconvenient sequel, which is out July 28, has added a bit after Trump pulled out of the Paris climate accord.

*****Ivanka is being ordered to give a deposition in a lawsuit about copying a shoe design. The Italian company that sued is Aquazzura but she claims that she had nothing to do with any of it. Her claim is that she can’t give the deposition because it would be a distraction from her WH duties. Her Fox and friends interview sound bite was :”I try to stay out of politics.”

*****Leslie Jones hosted the BET awards and earned good reviews but she later tweeted about the hotel she stayed in. She suggested that people not stay at the Ritz Carlton because, “they don’t like black people.”

*****Farm Aid is being held in Burgettstown, Pa. with Willie, John Mellencamp, Neil Young and the Avett Brothers among others.

*****Fox news will no longer use the line, “fair and balanced.”

*****Daniel Day Lewis has retired from acting.

*****Tony Bennett is given the Library of congress Gershwin prize.

*****Judd Apatow is making a doc bout Garry Shandling. Can’t wait!!

***** Sean Spicer is interviewing his own replacement including Fox news and Daily mail employees.

*****The U.S. spent 28 mil on uniforms for the Afghan military. They were not field tested and did not work out. An official wanted a specific lush forest motif while most of the landscape is desert. WTF?

*****O.J. is up for parole.

*****The secret health care bill came out and many protested at Mitch Mcconnell’s office. Police were sent in to drag them out, wheelchairs and all. It seems we have not been this divided since the civil war. What is more important than health care for all, than equality? Is a wall more important? Are tax cuts for the rich more important?  In the end, the haters always lose but not without hurting so many along the way. It always comes down to equality. It is always about some trying to keep down others and that is never right. It always has to lose in the end. ** The vote has now been delayed. **Good old Mitch who was given treatment for his polio, as a child, because of the kindness of the March of Dimes now refuses to talk to them. They disagree with the health care plan.**More health care insurance providers are bowing out of coverage. The companies blame the uncertainty of Washington. This is just another reason to blame Obama for the senate and house’s own doing. Keep things in chaos and blame the other guy while the rest of the country suffers. ** The Pres now says that the ACA should just be repealed, new plan or not.

*****It is being reported that the CIA health professionals did not just torture detainees during the Bush administration, they performed experiments.. This is like right out of the Nazi playbook.

***** We don’t hear enough about men who are straight and mostly dress masculine but like a little makeup. I find that adorable and they need to be represented

*****Wow!! The NY senate after a decade, still did not vote on the child victims act. The Catholic Church and the Boy scouts lobby so hard because they think it will bankrupt them. The bill would let survivors bring civil cases until they are 50 years old, felonies until 28, and give a 1 year window for both public and private institutions instead of 90 days. Republican majority leader John Flanagan will not even put it up for a vote.

*****Illinois has its fair share of problems right now with the budget crisis, Chicago and Peoria shootings and the Belleville shooter, James T. Hodgkinson.

*****Why do the View and the Tonight show play all these stupid games with their guests? Does the audience enjoy this? It is often so awkward.

*****Jess Session says that Trump has not been in a single briefing about North Korea. I am sure the new South Korean president is reassured by that as he came for a visit. The shuffling of reporters and questions about the idiot in chiefs twitter made him feel welcome too.

*****And now the airwaves explode with the latest scary clown 45 twitter directed at the Morning Joe team. Why do we have to talk endlessly about this crap every time the baby has a tantrum? Unless we find some real evidence or this impeachment march does some real good, we better get used to the fact that our President has no fucking class!

*****Neil Young is reminding us to stand up for what we believe and resist this 4th with a new video.

*****The Presidents team is trying to get personal info on voters like social security numbers and voting history which could lead to voter intimidation.

*****The Frye fest head Billy McFarland has been arrested for wire fraud.

*****Adele has cancelled the rest of her tour because of damage to her vocal chords. It is especially sad for she has hinted that this could be her last tour.

***** If you haven’t seen the 2014 doc ‘ Starring Adam West’, check it out. The Kickstarter film is so honest and a great tribute to a man who will be missed.  He also has some hot sons!!

*****R.I.P. Zbigniew Brzezinski, Manuel Noriega, Jimmy Piersall, Roger Smith, Peter Sallis, Modd Deep, Stephen Furst, Rosalie Sorrels, Glenne Headly, Simone Veil, Adam West and Anita Pallenberg.

Coldhearted

I fucking love this episode. With like, the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. Because the animation is fucking flawless and the snow looks beautiful and Wally is 100% amazing! This may in fact be my favorite episode, certainly within my top 5 fav episodes if I had to rate them. PREPARE YOUR ANUS FOR LOTS OF IMAGES BECAUSE 500% OF MY APPRECIATION FOR THIS EPISODE IS ALL THE ANIMATION PORN.

SNOW!

Oh so clever, Greg and co., hiding the first number on Wally’s alarm clock so that is simply reads “16″ on his 16th birthday in a show where the number 16 is a constant theme. I’M ON TO YOU.

You ever notice how Wally has a poster of a female with really long blonde hair on his bedroom wall? Like we all know he’s just being a horndog teenaged boy, but like... GOT A THING FOR LONG BLONDE HAIR OR SOMETHING, WALLY? 

Things confirming Wally is a huge nerd: lots of dorky looking action figures, a model rocket ship, a Flash poster, a microscope and lots and lots of books (probably of the science variety... and comics, no doubt), poster of some boxer dude, a poster for some horror movie called Day of Dark, and a piece of art I’ve seen on Jerome K. Moore’s deviantart of Wally, Barry, and Jay in their Flash get-ups. How cute! Also a poster or something that just looks like a pair of shoes on someone’s feet??? Idk about that one, it’s pretty dark. (I would take screenshots but sadly blu-ray format prevents me from doing so, and I don’t already have one saved in my extensive library of screens)

Look at this cutie weirdo singing to himself and doing a little dance in bed

HOW THE FUCK DO THEY AFFORD TO FEED HIS ASS?

“You want surprise just watch Miss Martian’s expression when I collect my birthday kiss!” (keep making yourself think that Megan is the one you really want to kiss, Wally. Like, for real.)

Wally, I don’t want to alarm you, but your dad is definitely Amon from Legend of Korra!

Damn, Mary sure is good, turning on the TV at the exact moment that Iris got to Wally’s birthday wish in her broadcast.

“Spisak Jr. High” And a nice shout out to the voice of our very own Wally West, Mr. Jason Spisak! <3

“Sure would be a shame if I missed my own--” “Surprise!”

“Say Whaaaaaaaat, oh you guys, you shouldn’t have!” What a fucking little shit.

A little shit with the best facial expressions though, amiright?

Okay. Time to stop being silly for a moment as we approach the part that many people have a problem with. This is the part where I crack my knuckles and have a differing opinion than most.

So here we have Wally’s birthday party, and him hinting around that he wants a birthday kiss from Miss M. It’s obvious that’s what he’s wheedling for, anyone with a pair of eyes can see that. And Artemis, who happens to have a pair of perfectly functioning eyes (arguably better than most, considering some of the amazeballs shots she’s made) happens to be standing right next to the little duo as the first exchange happens.

Artemis gets understandably annoyed and, of course, jealous. That’s her crush (that she’s been trying to forget about, but that’s been a huge no-go because it turns out the crush of her crush is dating her fallback crush… this is getting confusing). Trying to get a kiss from another girl. Of course she’s jealous.

I fucking would be, too. It’s a completely natural reaction. Artemis would never, ever admit it even over her dead body, but she wishes she was the one he was wanting a kiss from so bad.

Anyway, even Miss M guesses what he wants, and she decides to give him a kiss on the forehead because she’s his friend and nothing more. Artemis gets some obvious satisfaction from this. Is it petty? Well, yeah, but who ever said jealousy wasn’t petty? We’ve all been in that kind of position, be it with a crush or something else entirely, where something happens that ruins something for someone else and you just can’t help but feel completely fucking smug/happy about it even though you know you’re being an awful person for doing so.

Artemis is glad he gets denied because it means he’s not kissing a girl that isn’t her, and perhaps to another end, she’s smug about it because that means he’s getting denied his crush in the same way she was denied her fallback crush. Like, she knows Megan and Conner are a thing, and she already lost any chance at forgetting Wally via Conner, and now Wally is blatantly being denied his crush on Megan, so Artemis is basically taking huge, huge petty pleasure in him basically getting denied the same thing as her. They both have crushes on two people that are already in a relationship together, and if Artemis has to wake up and smell the coffee about it, then Wally is going to, too.

Is our girl Artemis being petty? Hell yes she is! And that just makes me love her more, because she’s a multi-faceted human being with emotions. Is she reacting in a bad way to said emotions? Yes! But this is all sort of in the same vein that Wally and Artemis meet each other in, where Wally’s bad reaction leads to a bad reaction on Artemis’s part, and then the two of them suffer the belligerent relationship that they do all season because of it. Artemis and Wally are both very raw people.

FUN TIME BREAK: “I know this is all very new and intimidating, but I promise you, someday, you’ll get used to watching Wally eat.”

So majestic!

Back to for serious: Artemis walks up to Dick and Zee and is like “Think we should tell him?”

Look at that devious face, my god Artemis you amazing spiteful thing, you!

“He is the only one who doesn’t know.” “Then, please, allow me.”

Artemis wants to burst his bubble the same way hers was burst. It is, without a doubt, 100% petty and horrible and born of jealousy, I’m not denying that. But it does NOT make me want to throw Artemis under the bus or act like she’s a horrible gargoyle or that she’s a bitch or what the fuck ever. It just makes me more interested in her motivations for this moment, it just makes me want to understand every catalyst that leads to this moment, the frustration. In Secrets, Artemis was mad and angry and mildly hurt because Conner is taken, Wally doesn’t want her, and now she’s stuck with her stupid feelings for a guy that she thinks is unobtainable, and I can understand how said feelings creeping back so unbidden into one’s mind with no other place to channel them would drive them to be spiteful about it when the opportunity arises.

I also just want to remind everyone that Wally and Artemis are 15 year old teenagers (well, 16 in Wally’s case as of this episode, but still). They are teenagers with charged emotions about fucking everything, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. They are not the mature adults they grow into slowly over the five year gap. They’re mature for teenagers in a lot of aspects, sure, with the kind of jobs they have they have to be. But they are still young and learning how to deal with certain kinds of emotions and situations. So to an extent some leniency needs to be given when they act like this. I’m not saying to entirely excuse it, rather just understand it and why and what have you.

Anyway, by the time Coldhearted rolls around, Artemis has been stuck with her Wally feelings again for however long the gap is between Secrets and Coldhearted, and she’s had enough of seeing Wally pine after unobtainable Megan in the same way she was pining over unobtainable Conner. So she’s like, fuck it, I’m telling him.

And she does. With much obvious pleasure.

And on his birthday, no less. That seems to be the major act of heinousness that people can’t seem to get past when it comes to this scene in particular, is that it was on Wally’s birthday. His celebratory 16th birthday where everything should be happy fun time and all that jazz. It’s really hard for me to be bothered about it being on his birthday when it’s so obvious that Wally’s not even all that shocked or hurt about finding out. In fact, I’m convinced that both Artemis and Wally subconsciously knew that Megan and Conner were not interested in them/were taken long before they were actually privy to open evidence of it. They were just fooling themselves because they’re too afraid of owning up to the ways they feel for each other. In both cases, Conner and Megan were fallback/distraction crushes, and never anything more.

Wally literally does not fucking care after expressing his dejected “Oh maaaaan!” after Artemis informs him of the lovebirds. That’s it. That is literally it. Not once in the time we are privy to Wally’s innermost thoughts does he mention anything about Megan and Conner, or even Artemis. His concerns are all for the big League/Team team-up and later on for Perdita. Wally only had something that he subconsciously knew all along confirmed to him, and it fucking sucked, but that’s it. For the rest of the episode and every episode after, Wally has already moved on.

In fact, by Insecurity he has sufficiently matured from the events of Coldhearted and finally decides to “man up” for lack of a better phrase, and actually accept and try pursuing his feelings for Artemis. Pursue them in a real way, not in the exaggerated, ego-driven flirting way that he does with Megan. But in a very real, I’m-really-really-interested-in-this-girl kind of way; the fallback, safe distraction of Megan has been removed, allowing Wally to focus on how he really feels for Artemis.

In fact, I’ll just let Greg’s Spitfire rant speak for me on this one, as he puts it the best:

“Plus, let’s not forget the double-whammy of “Failsafe” and “Disordered”. Here we reveal just how intensely Wally feels for Artemis, and just how much interest each has in the other. The trick is that neither is prepared to take a risk. Rejection from Superboy (such as it was) is nothing compared to the fear Artemis has over being rejected by Wally.

Wally meanwhile is afraid to admit his strong feelings for Artemis, so maintains focus on the safer Miss Martian. Artemis does the same toward Superboy. Both then have to be disabused of the nothing that their crushes are viable. I tend to think that deep down, the revelation about Conner and M’gann’s relationship was less of a shock to each than it seemed. They didn’t want to admit to themselves what they were probably sensing deep down. One reason for Artemis’s extreme reaction to the knowledge, I think, is that she was trying SO hard to think that Superboy was a possibility BECAUSE Wally clearly seemed NOT to be, and so she wanted to having something she could use to push Wally out of her mind.

So in “Coldhearted”, Wally learns some big lessons. Miss Martian is out of the picture-- and that helps to clear his mind. But mostly, he matures solidly in the episode. Now he’s ready to behave differently. [...]”

Part of this is going to wind up leading me into a rant that’s better saved for when I get to Insecurity, though, so I’ll just go ahead and wrap this up.

Basically, I agree that Artemis was being petty and spiteful. She was jealous, I expect nothing less from her. But that just makes her a more amazing character, because truly amazing characters are not flawless, they are human beings with many different emotions and many different reactions and ways of dealing with things. They do not always respond to things in the “right” way.

I’m also inclined to say that someone needed to pull Wally’s head out of his ass at some point regardless, btw. Artemis, in being spiteful, also did him a favor. Not with any kind of just intentions, perhaps, but… anyway.

Long story short: I like this moment, it doesn’t both me, it just makes me enjoy Artemis’s character even more, and it certainly doesn’t warrant her being demonized or thrown under a bus. Nobody is perfect, Artemis is not perfect.

Moving on. I know the vast majority of you will disagree with my assessments, but whatever, let’s both just move on because you won’t change my mind and I obviously won’t change yours.

Leave it to Batman to really crash a party, AMIRIGHT?

“Can’t the Watchtower just blast them out of the sky or something?” “What’s a Watchtower?” *DEEP SIGH FROM BATMAN* Goddamnit Wally you can’t just go around saying shit like that you little shit.

Oh my god they’re all a bunch of little dorks, all excited about a Team/League team-up.

Have I mentioned how much I love their polar stealth and wish it had popped up in more than just two episodes? Like, they’re all so adorable!

“Now that’s a birthday wish come true!”

“Uuuuh, Batman? I think youuuu skipped…” “Kid Flash.”

“A girl in Seattle is in desperate need of a heart transplant.”

Oh Wally, Wally, get your priorities straight, dude. :( That’s what I love about this episode though, he grows up in so many ways and it’s really nice to see him have such a major shift in what his real priorities in life are.

“Who is this girl!?” “Does it matter?” (I almost wrote a fanfic once in which it was an AU, where Artemis was the girl that needed the heart transplant and Wally was delivering it to her. I still wouldn’t mind visiting the idea, I never really did get it quite off the ground but it has potential)

“Speedy delivery boy, at your service…”

Ugh, Wally. It’s like… such a burden to him at first. He’s so much more upset about missing out on the League-Team team up that he files this mission away in his mind as a chore, an errand run, something on the side that he’s being forced into and it’s going to make him miss out on all the fun on his birthday. It’s sad to see him think that way, but by the end of it, it’s a very proud moment to see him having realized that delivering that heart was the best thing he’d done that day, the best way he could have spent his birthday, something he can feel proud of. I FUCKING LOVE WALLY AND I LOVE THIS EPISODE, OKAY?

(Also just pointing out that Wally’s reacting way more negatively to delivering this heart than he remotely acted to finding out M’gann was taken. JUST SAYING. And that if Artemis is at fault for telling Wally about M’gann on his B-day, Wally is at fault for reacting so horribly about delivering a heart to someone that’s dying. They’re both only human though, and I love seeing them both like this. I’m just using this to reinforce my points)

MMM that snow! So beautiful! I remembered before this episode aired I had been desperately hoping there would be a YJ episode with either heavy snow or rain in at least a decent chunk of episode. For no other reason than I love snow and rain weather effects and how they can be used to really set up a scene. (not to mention one of my favorite episodes of Teen Titans, “Haunted”, took place almost entirely in a heavy rainfall setting, and I digged it)

So Wally runs from literally one end of the country to the other in what, under four hours?

Don’t expect half of this rewatch post to literally just be me posting screenshots for their beauty.

He’s so fucking nonchalant about the fact that he LITERALLY has someone’s life strapped to his back. Oh, Wally, my son. *sigh*

“As crystal, babe.” “Then go.” “Guess asking for her number’s pointless...” Oh yes, this is a guy who has clearly just had his romantic feelings completely crushed and shattered. He’ll be mourning for months! MONTHS I TELL YOU. ARTEMIS YOU MONSTER.

“Do you see him!?” “Nope.” “Did you see him!?” “Nnnope.” LOL

“I’m at max speed now, but if I really push it, I can dump this load, save the girl, and still get in on the action!” Oh my god, Wally... DUMP THIS LOAD? LIKE IT’S GARBAGE? I love him so much but UGH. WALLY PLEASE.

And the infamous scene where Kaldur steps on his king’s shoulders to get up in the air for an attack, lmao

Chicken Whizee’s sound like the most disgusting thing ever. Like, literally all I can think of is something gross milkshake with bits of chicken in it or something. *shudders*

Also, Wally, you cannot fucking pay for food with A HUMAN HEART, GOOD LORD.

South Dakota! Been there, seen that. 

Go away, Vandal! (man Vandal is legit a scary ass villain in this cartoon, like damn. It scares me when he grabs Wally and shit, like, he could probably break him like a twig and it disturbs me)

Can we just appreciate the actual shock waves from Wally slamming into Vandal at maximum speed?

Wally’s such a fierce fucking fighter when he gets the chance. That’s why I love this episode so damn much (among other reasons). We REALLY get the chance to see Wally at his rawest when it comes to fighting and his speed, like he just lets loose with no holds barred when it comes to Vandal. Speedsters are goddamn dangerous and I LOVE it. (I also love Wally using himself as a human cannonball).

“Go, get out of here! I’ll handle Vandal!” “You’ll “handle” me?” “Little hero, do you really think you have what it takes to survive Vandal Savage?” 

Put my baby down you piece of shit!

Wally literally stared death in the face and said, “NOT TODAY!”

Look at him fucking fight! Goddamn it’s so amazing! (also where did your Flash symbol go in that last one, Wally??) 

And like, I don’t have a fucking screenshot or gif of it but Vandal punches him and he goes flying backwards and catches himself in a one armed handstand and lands on his feet. HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT?

“When I heard authorities were (?) off this highway for a speedster, I assumed I’d be confronting Flash himself-- He and I are due for a reckoning.” 

God, I’ll never stop being curious about what must have happened between Vandal and Flash to make Vandy say that... color me forever intrigued. 

Wolf looks fucking demonic when he bites those wires on that auto-turret, omg.

“Kind of bashing my head into a brick wall here, need a new approach.” I REALLY wish I could make a million gifs of this fight, tbh. I don’t have any screens for some of this shit, nor other gifs saved and it’s a damn shame.

“Dude, you are so running on fumes right now. Battle didn’t help with that, either. But forget the hunger, forget the freezing temp, forget the wind chill! Just go, go!” Atta boy, Wally! Getting those priorities straight!

I honestly always love hearing Zee cast spells, it sounds so cool.

Wally reeeeally needs to work on his brakes.

Now prepare for some cute/sad Wally spam:

Oh man, though... could you imagine if Wally really had legit been twelve minutes off because of that fight, and Queen Perdita had actually died? He would NEVER forgive himself for that. That would eat him the fuck up for like... the rest of his life. Holy shit.

“Twelve minutes... the fight took fifteen...” Oh my god I can’t, he’s so crushed. :(

You can tell he’s so fucking drained throughout this last scene.

Look at him, crawling on the ground to try and get away. He’s NOT going to let that little girl die!

I like how this time Wally is able to power through and punch Vertigo in the face, whereas back in Revelations he couldn’t quite make it and Vertigo just knocks him away.

WALLY DOESNT HAVE TIME FOR THESE AUTOMATED DOORS.

“It’s called, YOU’RE BUSTED, JERKFACE!”

WALLY ILU NEVER STOP BEING SO AWESOME.

Awwwww, Perdita, you had Wally forever at “Souvenir.” <3 I just love headcanoning that they maintain a friendship for like, ever after this. So fucking sweet!

“The sword was cool, but, this just seemed like the right souvenir for the mission.” Hey, this totally echoes what Wally says to Artemis at the end of the Insecurity mission. “Keep the sai. This is the right souvenir for the mission.” Ouch. But more on that when I get to Insecurity)

“The man who finally figured out that the sweetest birthday present a lucky stiff like me could ever get, was seeing that little girl smile.”

LEAVE ME, LEAVE ME WALLY KILLS ME AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE I NEED TO CRY. I LOVE SEEING MY BABIES GROW UP.