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lizzieraindrops · 1 year

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Destiny is a story about shapes and grief.

I think I may have figured out Destiny. I don't think the primary conflict between the Light and the Darkness is the philosophical issue we thought it was.

I got thinking about it after all this talking, with many others but especially @jazzhandsmcleg, about the way all of The Witch Queen DLC and its 4 seasons have had overarching narratives surrounding trauma and cycles of violence and grief, and the way the Darkness and the Light are characterized by their different approaches to it.

In TWQ, Savathûn is given a true second chance for her species in the Light. But as Ikora points out, she struggles to break free of the learned patterns of the Darkness, continuing the pattern of deception and violence.

Same with Season of the Risen - it’s the Warlords and Dark Ages all over again, but this time it’s the Hive. It forces once again to ask: what does it mean to be given a second chance if this is what you do with it? Temper this with Saladin’s story about the girl from the Dark Ages who he protected, but who became a cruel mortal Warlord in her own right. Crow objects to the mental torture of the Hive Lightbearers and he tries to break from the cycle of interspecies violence, but unintentionally ends up continuing it by killing the Psion and heightening tensions between humans and the Uluran.

Season of the Haunted!!! Literally, the entire thing is about confronting your traumas and greatest fears and the worst parts about yourself and beginning to heal them, making something better from them. Completely changing the game by turning Nightmares that torment into Memories that guide you. Crow with the memory of Uldren, Zavala with that of Safiyah, Caiatl that of Ghaul - and most importantly, resolution focuses on how they, specifically have been held back from healing by their self-incriminating Nightmares. It challenges the cycle of continuing violence on a very personal level. Eris even has patrol dialogue describing the a Nightmare as a thing of pain craving only more pain: "Such is the cycle."

Season of Plunder brings up the very same questions on a much higher organizational level. It gives us Eido and Eramis taking very different jaded vs. new-hope approaches to the legacy of the Whirlwind, asking: can we change? Are we defined by generational trauma forever? Can we continue to grow and change for the better even though it can never be undone? Though Eido is clearly young and naïve, we're clearly given the opportunity and narrative nudge to sympathize with her desire and hope for growth and redemption, both for the Eliksni overall, and for Eramis in particular.

And we're not even done with Season of the Seraph, but it already goes incredibly hard asking the same questions, again from a more personal angle. How far, and through how many generations is trauma transmitted? From the Bray family to Rasputin, to Felwinter to Osiris to Ikora – how do we fix this? How do we fix this? How do you defeat an enemy who IS war itself? What can you do to end an endless cosmic cycle of violence?

Go back and back and back in Destiny's lore even back to D1, and the majority of conflicts seem driven by this cycle of grief and revenge and violence. The entire line of humanity's war with the Hive goes back through Oryx's grief for Crota and the First Crota Fireteam and Eriana-3's grief for her wife Wei Ning. Even the Hive siblings' pact with the Worm Gods, though manipulated by Rhulk, was driven by the pain and grief they endured for themselves and their people, and wanting to escape that cruel pattern. The entire predicament of the Eliksni and their conflict with humans is driven by the trauma and grief and loss of the Whirlwind. Even Caiatl's empire, a conquering force that would be highly regarded by the sword logic, now must reckon with the same kind of loss in the Fall of Torobatl.

How do you escape this cycle and stay free of it?

I think, this year, we are finally seeing the beginnings of an answer.

I can't highly enough recommend the TWQ Collector's Edition lorebook (page scans & transcript) and The Hidden Dossier (page scans & transcript) that immediately follows it. What I've been calling Ikora's theory of "memory and grace" that she develops through the course of these two lore books is a balanced philosophy of memory/Darkness and grace/Light (which honestly deserves an entire post of its own). I think it clearly points toward the final resolution the story of the conflict between the Darkness and the Light.

In light of this, something in the Calus part of the new Lightfall CE lorebook (images, transcript) really jumped out at me.

“The doomed and the damned left the record of their downfall in the OXA. Your star got its name from the oldest myths in that archive. And when your mother told your father that story…the star became your name. A prayer that all will go as it must…and the way it must go is struggle.” “Aiat.” Not a word in Ulurant or any other Cabal tongue. “But Caiatl means something else..” “Yes. ‘It may not always go as it needs to go.’ A good name for a soldier." "A strange name for a daughter," I say. "Your father chose it for your mother's sake. Out of love."

And because the parallel is so overwhelmingly striking, I am once again going to reference philosophy/worldbuilding from the Young Wizards universe, which has great resonance with Destiny lore and which Bungie has been long aware of and has even been referenced in Forsaken-era canon lore.

“all the fair things skewed, all the beauty twisted by the dark Lone Power watching on his steed. If only there were some way he could be otherwise if he wanted to! For here was his name, a long splendid flow of syllables in the Speech, wild and courageous in its own way—and it said that he had not always been so hostile; that he got tired sometimes of being wicked, but his pride and his fear of being ridiculed would never let him stop. Never, forever, said the symbol at the very end of his name, the closed circle that binds spells into an unbreakable cycle and indicates lives bound the same way.” [...] “Nita bent quickly over the Book and, with the pen, in lines of light, drew from that final circle an arrow pointing upward, the way out, the symbol that said change could happen—if, only if—and together they finished the Starsnuffer’s name in the Speech, said the new last syllable, made it real.” Excerpt From: Diane Duane. “So You Want to Be a Wizard, New Millennium Edition.”

CAIATL’S NAME IS LITERALLY THE UP-AND-OUT SYMBOL.

I know I'm probably only talking to the handful of Destiny players from the (very small) Young Wizards fandom, but what you need to know is that this moment is pivotal and sets up the series-long theme of hope for an eventual exit from the cycle. It's the incredibly small, overwhelmingly improbable possibility of a second chance, a new start for the Lone Power, the source of all strife and suffering, who itself is driven by loss and pain. A concept of extended grace that is inherently tied to the philosophy of the Light.

“Billions of years, it took. All the redemptions there have ever been went toward this; from the greatest to the least. And finally in the fullness of time you came along, and took my role, of your own will, and woke up a race powerful enough to change the whole Universe, and gave them the fire.” She glanced up at the mobiles and smiled. “How could he resist such a bait? He took the gamble: he always does. And losing, he won.” [...] “The Defender reached down and put a hand into the shadow. “And we are going where such matters are transcended… where all his old pains will shift. Not forgotten, but transformed. Life in this universe will never have such a friend. And as for His inventions… look closely at Death, and see what it can become.” The long, prone darkness began to burn, from inside, the way a mountain seems to do with sunset. “Brother,” the Defender said. “Come on. They’re waiting.” Excerpt From: Diane Duane. “High Wizardry New Millennium Edition.”

This is the devil’s second chance, its homecoming. Grace among the memory. How do we heal this? By fixing it. By making and TAKING that opportunity of grace.

Likewise, Destiny is shaping up into its own universe’s story of this Reconfiguration, the remaking of everything that exists through the act of a second chance, both offered and taken, with full awareness of the irreversibility of harm already caused.

Destiny isn’t the story of the light and the darkness fighting each other. That happens, but that’s not what it’s ABOUT.

It’s “And I know exactly what we are. We’re best frenemies with a history of intense mutual hurt and messy reconciliation, leaving a deep tenderness as well as an almost impenetrable knot of scars. What could be simpler?” (Chalco)

It's “For so long, I believed peace was beyond my reach. No more. I have found it in guiding others down the same path that saved me. But… I might allow myself to want more than peace. What, I am not certain. Is joy the word? Might I find that again?” (Eris)

It's “Second chances… hm. Turns out I've been using mine wrong. I thought being a Guardian was my destiny. That wielding the Light for good was the most I had to offer. But it's clear now. This is what the Traveler chose me for. I was reforged in the Light for a purpose. To remake something dead and gone… into something beautiful. To learn how to forge something new from what we were. Everything Uldren did to the Reef, the Scorn… Fikrul. I have a responsibility — no — a calling to make them whole. And… I can't replace Cayde. But I can cover his old patrols — maybe organize the Hunters a bit, if they'll let me. Clean up some of my mess. I don't know if I can fix everything Uldren left broken… but I can try.” (Crow)

We aren’t defeating the Darkness. That’s never what it’s been about. It’s about breaking the cycle of trauma and grief with memory and grace. We're transcending the Final Shape, but we're not here to destroy it or become it. We’re harmonizing the Darkness and the Light into a sustainable balance to create something new from the wounded remains.

We're here to heal the broken relationship between the Winnower and the Gardener.

That's all that it is, in the end. They had a falling out, and now they hurt, and they hurt each other, and everything else, forever. Breaking free from that cycle begins and ends with them.

Is that fair? No, it's not.

But Destiny is – unhingedly, brilliantly, paradoxically – a FPS game about how to stop killing each other, growing ever more into a framework of restorative and reparative justice.

The story says, we are all culpable, we have all done awful shit and have endless potential to do more awful shit – AND, most critically, we all have the potential to do better (grace). AND, the act of making the conscious choice to do so and letting that happen is the only way for things to get better (memory).

The Collapse happened and it was horrible, the Red War happened and it was horrible, the Great Disaster happened and it was horrible, Twilight Gap happened and it was horrible...AND?? HOW ARE YOU GOING TO RESPOND? The Whirlwind happened and it was horrible! The Fall of Torobatl happened and it was horrible! Your species' Choice was stolen and you became the most prolifically violent killers in the universe and it was and is horrible! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

Are you going to make it more horrible? Or are you going to make it BETTER????

Are you going to fight for the Final Shape, or for the gentle kingdom ringed in spears?

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donnatroyyyy · 3 months

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Jason Todd’s death storyline was perfectly executed because they killed him figuratively (killed his innocence) before actually killing him. It’s a tragedy because he died in two separate ways. And the reason his resurrection is just as much a tragedy is because only one of the things killed can be brought back and it wasn’t the thing that made Jason who he is (his innocence and kindness).

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stewyhosseini-bf · 11 months

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they are literally brothers that's his little brother man!!!!!! you don't get it!!!!!!

#long post #ok is this proof that connor likes kendall the most? no i guess #obviously this is being selective but i'm telling you watch all of those scenes and you will know what i mean #obviously he loves shiv and rome as well but the fact that kendall not only got the least votes but SO MUCH LESS than the other two #like no.. you guys don't get it he loves him :( that's his little bro!#also these are not all of them i could only fit 30 images. more in the reblog #obviously he loves shiv and rome but also shiv is like very very mean to him 99% of the time lmao. and roman's nicer than shiv #maybe but still not very nice. he still loves their ungrateful asses! but you can def see him being warmest towards kendall #in the way they just interact with each other idk. always hugging always patting him ... that's his little bro!#mostly i'm just mad over ppl so unanimously deciding it's not kendall . none of you get it >:(#connor roy #kendall roy #roy siblings

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foryouwereinmysong · 6 months

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“Now and then, I miss you / Now and then, I want you to be there for me / Always to return to me,” (...) It’s a passage where Lennon’s yearning for McCartney intertwines with Paul’s mourning for John, a shared grieving for the partnership that defined both their lives. link

"Now and Then" is 81-year-old Paul McCartney finishing a song of John Lennon, who has been gone for almost 43 years.

But it is also 15-year-old Paul finishing a song of the boy who wandered around Liverpool with him, talking about their future and love of music.

It is 18-year-old Paul finishing a song of the guy who picked him as his partner and took him to play nightclubs in Hamburg.

It is 20-year-old Paul finishing a song of the lad who wanted to write song after song with him.

It is 23-year-old Paul finishing a song of the man he made history with.

It is 24-year-old Paul finishing a song of the soulmate who shared his visions.

It is 26-year-old Paul finishing a song of the person who serenaded him eating a cupcake.

It is 31-year-old Paul finishing a song of John, who loved him in his own way.

And it is 39-year-old Paul finishing a song of the friend he just lost.

gif source

#yeah sorry #long ass post #I am really deep in my feels about the song coming out #and now we know there'll be a music video with unseen footage #I'm just not ready #I don't mean to negate Ringo's and George's contribution with this but I really feel this song is mainly Paul trying to fix something #now and then #john lennon #paul mccartney #the beatles #john and paul #mclennon

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deeply-embarrassing · 1 month

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it is, i fear, incredibly serious

#yellowjackets #shauna shipman #jackie taylor #jackieshauna #making shauna feel used when she thought you loved her means DEATH #i WILL make a long ass post about the big ass parallels between jackieshauna and adam/shauna

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ianthoni · 7 months

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Buddy, that video it´s just so sad to watch. Now we can understad why Anthony is reassuring Ian at the end, like you said with his words, but not only that, he pats him on his back too, and then you can see even Shayne wiping his nose, I mean, we can all agree that he is a very empathetic person, you can confirm that with other videos. idk bud, that video got me a lot

EXACTLY. OFC i can't be for sure for sure but the evidence is there! Shayne looks so conserned too. And Anthony's touch to comfort him. Anthony literally says we don't wanna see sadness under Ian's eyes!! Like idk it just break my heart but also I'm happy he cried. Idk how to explain this but i feel like for a LONG time Ian holds all this feelings and sadness inside without sharing it with anyone. Because he had to be the boss but also he had to be the big bro to everyone. There's a video of him out there trying to comfort Courtney and Olivia that video literally brokes my heart every time I see it cause Ian himself has no one to comfort him. He can't say he's anxious he can't say he's sad he had to be strong for his crew but also his friends. These people never left his side even when Anthony did. And he thought he couldn't abandon them. But while all this happened he had no one. Even after mythical got them he didn't have anyone he was the boss. Now that Anthony comes back I feel like he hit that emotional button where he can't hold inside anymore. I watched him close since Anthony came back and even analyzed his eyes to body language (I'm not parasocial istg) and it always looked like he was trying SO HARD not to break. And I feel like these old memories were too much for him to handle in this video. He finally broke apart. Which is NOT a bad thing. I feel like after this it'd be easier for him to open up to Anthony and Shayne and his friends. I feel like this was like a rusty old lock that was waiting to be broken and he finally successfully broke that. Now he can express himself more. Idk if that makes sense but it is in my head.

YOU CAN LITERALLY SEE SHAYNE LOOKING AT HIM AND TRY TO ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED BUT HIS FACE LOOK RED TOO

And Anthony comforting him. Saying he doesn't wanna see sadness in Ian's eyes again 😭

And this is the Courtney Olivia video i talked about.

#smosh #ian hecox #that's a long ass post i hope tumblr would post it without a fail #anthony padilla #this is by no means me going thats exactly what happened its the truth or anything this is just me analysing shit i saw #ianthony #shayne topp #shaynian #☀️🔍#courtney miller #smoshcast #smosh family #shayian #asks and answers #only frann

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halluciniwaynia · 29 days

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my other favorite aspect of being into wtnv in 2024 and onwards is that there’s a decade plus of fandom content to go through and a decade plus of ideas and people being changed by the series to experience. it’s generally pretty rare to have that kind that kind of experience with something that was popularized in the zenith of the internet becoming centralized, when people were moving from places like MySpace, geo cities and personal websites to formats like tumblr (and for wtnv’s earlier history, deviantart). (The only other fandom I can recall with a property still updating that would fit this bill is homestuck btw) it’s a transient experience of enjoying someone else’s ghosts, of a childhood/teenagehood/young adulthood you never got to experience and history you never saw for yourself but felt enough for it to mean something now. it’s the raw, unfiltered joy of what is almost nostalgia for something you never cared about until very, very recently, and realizing “oh my god the podcast is actually really good on top of it”

#welcome to nightvale #welcome to night vale #I was aware of wtnv through an ex friend a very long time ago but given they were kind of an ass and I didn’t yet have #a reason to listen to wtnv/a long-standing podcast)#I never did #but now I do and it’s partially anthropological and also curiousity for something that #defined a lot of internet culture without being explicitly mentioned or talked about until like #recently. with the tumblr sexyman polls I mean #personal post #wtnv

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best-enemies · 10 months

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remember when the doctor and missy literally had this exchange?

doctor: two hearts.

missy: and both of them yours.

like... it really happened. i keep re-reading it. i made it my blog name. i think about it all the time. and i still can't believe it happened. we really got this. this is insane

#thoschei #doctor who #no but you don't GET IT #missy aka the master said her hearts belonged to the doctor #i mean DUH WE KNOW #but SHE SAID IT. OUTLOUD.#did i dream of this? like.#she wasn't even acting (because she was hiding her identity at the time) i just know it #we all know it #the point of this post is: holy shit the master literally admitted her love for the doctor #whoever says missy didnt mean it is getting their ass beaten #i didnt even get to the part in the cemetery where the doctor kisses missy #and she looks at him with the most desperatly loving eyes i've ever seen in my life #like my girl was dying of love what the fuck how long HOW LONG had it been since they last kissed #had they EVER kissed??#and we don't even talk about the fact that missy reached for the doctor's lips with her own and GRABBED HIS ARMS #IT'S THERE IT'S IN THE EPISODE #FUCKING HELL #no the actual point of this post is that i'm having a mental breakdown over thoschei #almost 10 years since those episodes and i'm still not over it #i won't ever get over thoschei like #i cant keep typing i just wanna scream

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definitelynotshouting · 26 days

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“The universe sings,” Grian said.

He sounds vaguely distant- like he’s speaking from hundreds of blocks away rather than right next to Mumbo.

He turns on his bed, slow halting movements, to face him.

“Did you know?”

Mumbo can only stare.

“…Sings?” He asks. He shifts on his chair.

Grian seems to want to nod, but aborts the motion halfway, and hums instead.

“Yeah. The code. It sings, if you listen close enough,” Grian mumbles.

Mumbo opens his mouth, then closes it again.

Grian exhales a long breath, and his eyes drift close.

“Can you hear it?”

Mumbo watches the way Grian’s chest rises and falls, shallowly, slowly.

He closes his eyes, and strains to hear.

He hears- Tango out in another room of the house, pacing circles around the kitchen. Mumbo can tell it’s Tango by the shuffle in his walk.

He can hear birds outside, twittering. Wind rustling through branches. An animal- a pig, maybe, trotting along some grass.

It’s quite calming really- but he doesn’t hear singing. At least, he doesn’t think he does?

When he opens his eyes again, it’s to Grian staring right at him.

Mumbo exhales in one sharp breath- he didn’t realise he’d stopped breathing- and meets Grian’s gaze.

“Did you mean like, actual singing or- or was that metaphorical? Because I can’t hear anything other than trees, mate,” he says, only half-joking.

Grian huffs a small laugh, and shakes his head.

“Nah, it’s not really singing-singing. It’s music, though. You’ve definitely heard some of it- discs. That’s the easiest way to hear it. But that’s- so few of what’s out there. There’s more music, if you know how to listen for it,” he hums. His eyes close again, and he leans more into the mattress.

Mumbo pauses, and thinks on that for a moment. Music discs, huh? He supposes it seems plausible, that there’d be more music out there.

But then why has he never heard it? Mumbo doesn’t ever recall hearing ‘the code sing’. If it’s tied into music discs, then is it naturally generated? Is hearing it a ‘watcher thing’?

Mumbo glances down at his hands, traces lines of dirt under his fingernails.

He nods, though Grian can’t see it anyway. He makes some vague ‘see you later’ comment he can’t bother to think about, and carefully gets to his feet.

At the doorframe, he peers back.

Grian lies there, breathing steadily.

Mumbo turns and leaves, closing the door behind him.

////

headcanon that the minecraft soundtrack can be heard in the code, but only if you're 'in harmony' with it. cue other headcanon of watchers being very aware of the code

HEY ANON. ANON. I ADORE THIS HOLY SHIT I FUCKING LOVE THIS HEADCANON???? The idea that the universe is constantly singing to itself, and you can hear that through the Greater Code if you really carefully listen, is something i lowkey want to canonize SO BADLY holy shit. And this is such a lovely snippet too, im always such a sucker for deeply layered conversations like this.... i adore how youve given so much depth to the sentence "the universe sings" and the implications of how and why Grian is hearing it so much right now. [THROWS UP BLOOD] IM OBSESSED.......

Also this Mumbo dialogue especially is on point youve done such a good job of capturing his little speech patterns :] STUNNING JOB ANON IM SO FLATTERED U WROTE THIS!!!!! I really think i might canonize this concept just for how absolutely amazing it is, im utterly obsessed with it

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #art for me #<- litcherally cannot remember if i have a specific fic for me tag or not IG I'LL FIND OUT ONCE I HIT POST...#THE IDEA THAT TJE SOUNDTRACK ARE SONGS THE UNIVERSE SINGS TO ITSELF.... IM GOING BUCKWILD #i mean its already canon the universe SINGS but u KNOW my ass is gonna be listening to the full soundtrack #tears in my eyes as i picture grian listening to it.....#i hope its okay to yoink this anon bc im enamoured with the concept truly #gods and the idea that the music discs are specifically fragments of the universe singing that you can ACTUALLY HEAR....#i like to think that like. making music discs is p much like making custom ones the way theyre doing it #but sometimes. sometimes you find treasure discs #or you fashion it from the remains of a creeper.. and you get a little window into what the Greater Code sounds like #weeping forever and ever that u wrote this for me im saving this in my special little works inspired by hunger au folder rn #❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#fic recs #long post #txt

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vellichorom · 14 days

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okay so i virtually never talk about the fnaf fixation that has plagued me since 2015, but i think some of you are lying when you say there's anything more than 3-5 games. what are you talking about, fnaf 3 was the last one, or possibly fnaf 4.

what the hell is a henry emily or a security breach. yeah you sure are breaching that security aren't you

( i am gaslighting you; i know what a henry emily is & i know what security breach is, i simply think it is for the better we disregard them )

#twinkie talks #i lost track of where the lore was going after the silver eyes & the books became prominent honestly #i mean fnaf 4 was a pivoting point as it was but god damn #it took me. YEARS to realize who henry or charlie or whomever you are talking about is #sorry this got spurred from suddenly reading a catalogue of fnaf discourse after a long day #babygirl i have all kinds of fnaf takes you would hate to hear #including but not limited to! i don't care about the daycare attendees remotely #LIKE. okay no they're honestly cute little extras to an already bloated story & they're interesting in of themselves #i wonder about that dynamic. but otherwise. i miss the classic animatronics #where are they i have not seen them in years. does anyone care #anyway random ass posting AS usual

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carbonateds-oda · 6 months

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ppl hate texting aku cuz all his msgs always give off the most ominous foreboding aura ever like it just radiates through the screen shit feels like ur texting the grim reaper to find out when ur going to die

#he doesnt even mean it to. dude just texts like a centuries old vampire #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd akutagawa #akutagawa ryuunosuke #akutagawa headcanons #just realized I haven’t posted abt aku in a long ass time

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uncanny-tranny · 1 year

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Me in 2016: You know, saying things like "trans rights are human rights" doesn't necessarily mean that person is safe around trans people. In fact, sometimes people still have unchecked bias against trans people, and that can be clouded by them saying that trans rights are human rights. It can prevent them from fully looking into their own preconceptions about cissexism and trans people.

Me in 2023: Oh, thank gd this person said "trans rights are human rights," I was worried they also abhorred trans people

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #transphobia #transphobia tw #you know i still kind of agree with the 2016 statement but that comes with the caveat that at least they're fucking saying that...#....our rights are human rights. so long as their actions also reflect that i have way less of a problem with that statement than before #but it's crazy just how awful it's gotten in some ways #bruh i was worried a hisotry youtuber i somewhat liked was an anti-woke chud...#..and then i was proven wrong when he blatently posted support for trans people so good for him!! always happy to be proven wrong (genuine)#can statements like TRAHR be used disingenuously to put a false sense of secutity in them? yes sure... but also...#...don't immediately jump to that conclusion *unless* they have shown their ass about it #note that when i say 'anti-woke' i mean how conservatives belolieve woke means things they don't like #NOT the meaning of woke that originated in Black spaces and AA(V)E #hopefully that clears any confusion?

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comic-sans-chan · 8 months

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I adore how unhinged Garak is about the people he likes, because there's this theme of them being similarly unhinged. Like that colleague from the Order in Second Skin that he had to shoot and was like, "Aw :( ...Well Anyway" about. Or like Tain and Mila, both crazy bitches, imo. Or his last remaining contacts on Cardassia who he called up in In The Pale Moonlight who were all down to raid the Dominion’s underwear drawer at the drop of a hat. Like that's what Garak is used to. He likes excitement, he likes a bit of malice, he likes some cunning. And that's part of what makes Garashir so goddamn funny is Julian is actually a bit of a cunning, malicious little shit sometimes. If you watch the series knowing Julian's an augment, these moments come up all the time where it's clear he's fucking with people for his own amusement. Taking people for a bit of a ride just to see what happens. Then ofc there are all the gross incel fuckboy moments, but.

I just love the idea of Julian going on some insane borderline villainous monologue about something or other and Garak sitting there with hearts swirling around his head. Don't get me wrong, Garak loves Julian for his goodness first and foremost, but Julian's not perfect and I think that makes the ship so much more interesting because I can't really see Garak finding most of Julian's worst flaws anything but thrilling. We go on about Garak loving Julian's infodumping and argumentativeness, but after the augment thing comes out, I think he equally enjoys watching Julian play dumb with people and Knowing he's playing dumb. It compliments his own Just a Simple Tailor routine so perfectly. They're just normal men. Just innocent men.

#i don't think julian's ever malicious about it to be clear #i think it just ended up being something that happened kind of inevitably because he already had to play dumb anyway #and it became one of the only ways he could really get any kind of enjoyment out of an otherwise miserable process of hiding himself #it's a sad lonely habit he got into #and it does bite him in the ass a lot. i think julian hates being underestimated A Lot #for obvious reasons (his parents are lunatics)#so... maybe it's a little mean of him sometimes #he has kind of a temper anyway. and it's a harmless way to let off steam #you can kinda tell after his augment secret gets out he becomes a lot more sarcastic #i think that's what his mind has been like for a long time #going a little off the rails here but julian's parents always acting like they did him some huge favor #meanwhile this is julian's every day experience now #just being so smart it's innately isolating and miserably lonely #he's not just mad at them for killing jules #he's mad at them for creating julian #my posts #garashir

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all-thestories-aretrue · 1 year

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There are many jokes floating around the shadowgast nation about the nature of Caleb and Essek's relationship (eggplants and winky faces abound), and most of them are good natured and perhaps true (eventually or at some point). I find most of them entertaining and sweet, but some of what I have stumbled across post-reunion have highlighted that it's only a joke up to a certain point to me.

Please keep in mind that everything in this post is my opinion and my opinion only. I'm not asking that anyone agree with me. This post is mainly for me because I felt like I needed to make it.

I have seen several comments/posts/tags in many different places talking about Essek and Caleb and that scene in the reunion, and describing it as horny or saying they can't keep their hands off each other or following up that conversation with sexual intimacy. I know a lot of these comments or conversations are not malicious or ill-intentioned, and I understand that people are excited for the first new content in nearly 2 years.

But, one thing I have appreciated about Critical Role is the variety of sexuality and genders represented, including various asexual and aromantic identities. Essek is confirmed by Matt on Twitter to be demi (romantic or sexual is unclear to me so it could be taken as either. If anyone has any other sources I would greatly appreciate them). As someone who identifies as aspec, I deeply appreciate the representation that Critical Role has given me.

The shadowgast scene in the reunion was not sexual to me. It's only been six months since the end of c2, which granted, I have not completed yet. As of this writing, I am in the middle of episode 133. Whatever is going on between Caleb and Essek is still very new, especially for two people who thought they would never have love. An aspect of being demi is that it takes time and closenes and a strong emotional bond for romantic and/or sexual feelings to develop. Six months, to me, feels like an incredibly short time for those feelings to take root for Essek even if he is on the path of developing them.

Seeing people make light of Essek's sexual attraction or feelings for Caleb or treat them as common place or casual, even innocuously, has made me feel as though this aspect of Essek really is ignored or forgotten about sometimes. Not by everyone nor, I would even doubt, the majority. Maybe not intentionally or maliciously or maybe it's a lack of understanding about demisexuality or aspec identities.

This is a feeling I have had for a while, and I mean this about nothing in particular but rather a sum of the parts I have encountered over the months.

In addition, I think Essek's sexuality can be overshadowed by how sexual Caleb can be/is. He makes comments throughout the entirety of the campaign that directly or indirectly reveal his sexuality, and that part is clearly important to him, even if he has not acted on it in a very long time.

I am not saying that Essek is NOT sexually attracted to Caleb or that their relationship does not involve sex at some point or at the time of that scene. I do think, at the very least, that Caleb and Essek would have a conversation about it as some point, and I find it likely it would turn sexual. At the very least, Caleb is attracted to Essek. Liam has confirmed that. I would guess those feelings are a combination of romantic, sexual, platonic, etc.

But I cannot imagine, and again this is my opinion, that feeling sexual attraction or acting on it for the perhaps first or second, maybe third time, is not a life-altering moment for him, let alone acting on it. From what see of his character, he's extrmely gaurded, extremely lonely, extremely shameful. Showing his emotions and attraction to Caleb, or to anyone really, is an extreme show of trust and vulnerability, and I don't think it should be taken lightly.

Treating it, at least in those early months, as though it is common or casual, something taken for granted, feels, to me, as though it undermines the importance and gravity of Essek's feelings, whatever they may be. Further, it undermines aspec identities, relegating them to sidelines if it is even acknowledged at all. I feel as though a lot of the jokes ignore Essek's demisexuality and how integral it is to how he builds relationships and interacts with people.

As someone who is aspec, I find it disheartening to see these sort of jokes and offhand comments being circulated about a character who is confirmed, canon aspec whose identity centers on deep bonds that take time to develop. Applying sexual under/overtones to scene where a small chaste kiss and an innocent pet name are shared feels like, in a way, a forced sexualization of a new, developing relationship that may never turn sexual.

There is such little aspec representation in media, and Critical Role does a fantastic job of showcasing a variety of aspec identities which is so, so rare. To turn around and have the fandom ignore or disregard these identities (intentional or not) that the cast and crew work hard to incorporate feels bad. It makes me feel as though I still have to fight for my identity to be seen and understood by people who, theoretically, support and want to understand and respect various identities, who claim to love Essek and Caleb and their relationship. It hurts.

I have spent a lot of time convincing myself that I and my sexuality belong in the queer community, that I deserve to have a voice, that I deserve to be respected and heard. With my feelings about Essek and his demisexuality, I didn't feel right standing by any longer and remaining silent when these portrayals were bothering me.

I am not asking anyone to change their opinions, to agree with me, to change the fic they write, the art they draw. The Critical Role fandom is beautiful and amazing and absolutely incredible. I have met so many kind, caring, wonderful people since joining. It's an experience unlike any other. But, I needed to make this post for me and anyone else who was feeling like me.

#critical role #shadowgast #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #mighty nein reunited #mighty nein #cr2 #oh boy am i inviting the disk horse by posting this???#probably 😬😬😬#but this is something that has been bothering me for a few months and the reunion just confirmed it #please be kind if you choose to interact #this is not meant to be mean or ill intentioned toward anyone #i just needed to get it off my chest #if one other person who feels similar sees this posting it will be worth it #i understand my own experiences heavily influence my opinions here #but really the cr fandom overall has been so welcome and wonderful and kind #its been amazing!#thank u for reading this long ass post if you make it to the end #oh boy i am nervous about posting this #which is exactly why i feel like i should post it

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mochiiniko · 5 months

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READ CLIPBOARD NOTES GRAHHHHHHH

#rhythm doctor #somehow this didnt take too long to find in my gallery !!#also im reminded of a bunch of rd art that i just forgot to post 💀#mmmaybe ill post them its just that i want to fix some of them before i do #(me and my perfectionist artist ass at it again)#fun fact this was initially based on a song i heard #and i went “oh paian :D” but uh #then i realized the song had a different meaning from what i thought it was so i immediately dropped the idea LMAO #chiimo art shenanigans

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spider-man-2o99 · 1 year

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so, then, what IS up with miguel o’hara’s moral backbone?

lol sorry if y’all’re sick of my 2099 soapboxing. anyways.

while i understand where the reading of “miguel is a morally bankrupt evil scientist and his spider-man is just a violent shitheel” comes from, i just... really can’t ever get behind it, based on what we see in the text of SM2099 v1 (1992-1996) itself.

like, don’t get me wrong-- from our first introduction to the guy, we very quickly learn that he has been a cog in the machine for one of the 2099 imprint’s Big Bads, the ruthless megacorporation in charge of the United States’ East coast: Alchemax.

..but. like.

the whole point of his origin story is changing that. the initial catalyst for his Spidering--getting roofied by Tyler when he tries to quit his job--would not have happened if he had no moral compass to speak of.

narratively, it’s less that miguel himself is changed, after he gets his powers, but that his perception of the world has changed.

just-- just bear with me, yeah?

see, for a lot of his life, miguel was a perfect cog in a shitty machine, and he did everything he was expected to without even thinking to stray from the path set down for him by his biological father and by alchemax overall.

and, then, suddenly, that’s all ripped from him in an instant. and miguel’s left floundering in the water.

he’s no longer on the winning team-- more than that, he realizes that he probably never even was on the right side of things, to begin with.

miguel o’hara’s most-quoted line is his response to the infamous “great power,” bit: Great responsibility? No. With great power comes great guilt.

he’s repressed, and he’s a hypocrite, but a guy can only turn a blind eye so far when something he knows is wrong is happening right in front of his face.

as soon as it’s even suggested to him, he immediately steps out of line and tries to put his foot down on absolutely not using a human test subject for his personal spider-man project. when stone brushes him off and makes them go through with human testing anyways, and then the subject dies, miguel doesn’t hesitate to turn up his nose and walk out right then and there on the spot.

his reward for it, of course, is an ice-cold dose of Reality.

from there, his blinders get pulled harshly off his face, and mig realizes that he really doesn’t want to keep being the person that he has been. his life has been wasted sitting idly by and letting bad things happen because all he knows is helpless compliance, right up until he goes and gets himself The Fly’ed into spider-man.

and once that happens, and he Realizes it, he starts to fight back.

that’s how the run is kick-started, in the very first three issues!

the first ten issues of spider-man 2099 (1992) follow miguel stumbling from a very sheltered life, having been thrust head-first into navigating a world that is not only deeply, deeply unjust, but also wants him very, very dead.

he don’t got a dead uncle to motivate him! all he’s got it his own fear and an inner desire to use his new abilities to try and make the world a better place.

hell, the first time he put on the costume, ol’ miggy boy wasn’t even doing so for the purpose of becoming a superhero in his off-time-- it was just an old spare in his closet that he threw on in a desperate attempt to Not Fucking Die as a bounty hunter tracked him to his home.

it’s only later on, after he’s had time for it all to sink in, that miguel realizes that he can actually meaningfully help the people who had been cast aside by the same society that had previously lifted him up above them.

as much as he whines and bitches and moans about it, he never seriously considers throwing in the towel and hanging up the costume for good. he may hate what has happened to him, but he never once seems to hate what he can now do with his powers, vis-à-vis challenging injustice.

mig’s often stuck between a rock and a hard place, what with the kind of world he lives in. it’s why he don’t work well when he’s stranded away from his dimension. peter can get his villains locked up just fine and dandy, but miguel’s world isn’t like ours like that. it’s brutal and it’s very very much established across the imprint that earth-928 (marvel 2099) is a kill-or-be-killed place to live.

despite how people harp on him not having a no-kill rule, miguel honestly hasn’t even killed enough people to count on one hand; the first was completely by accident, even, and the second told him to his face that if spider-man let him live he’d just keep being a cannibal gang-boss because no one else ever has or would try to oppose him.

is killing people the answer? not if you have any other option. but. mig ain’t a friendly neighborhood superhero. he’s just doing what he thinks is right in the moment while scared absolutely shitless for his life most of the time.

now, i don’t mean to defend his every action--miguel o’hara isn’t a saint, and, good god, but he’s made some questionable choices--but. at the end of the day, he’s still shown throughout the run to be trying to be better.

and, i dunno. maybe i’m just a sentimental little sap, but a story about somebody who finally “wakes up” and struggles to build a life worth being proud of after years of having shut down from heavy early-life trauma? that hits, man.

hits real close to home, to be honest. learning to Live after so long simply Surviving is fuckin’ hard, man.

#spider-man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara #meta #my meta #comic analysis #atsv #itsv #spider-man #marvel 2099 #marvel #across the spider-verse #talking tag #yarfs this all up on ur laps and skitters away into the night for ever #all this long long post is to really say is just. yknow.#just because they never said the words ''post-traumatic stress disorder'' until the 2010s it doesn't mean he wasn't Coded back in the 90s #slaps roof of spider-man 2099. you can fit so much goddamn Coding in this guy #call me whatever u will but i gotta underline i'm NOT in love with this man he is simply my dark mirror reflection of self #sm2099's my Special Interest i gotta lotta thoughts abt it #'dude this is super biased and opinionated' well. yeah. why do u think i point that out all the time? im coverin my ass for a Reason #always do your own research and take away from a piece whatever you want to take away from having experienced it etc. etc. etc.#this is My Blog where I natter on and on and on abt what i Wanna in between the metaphorical scrapbook-making experience

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