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erwinsvow · 6 months

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𝐜𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐞, 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐬

summary: aaron hotchner is a lot of things. in love with you is one that you never saw coming.

word count: 7.1k

author's note: bau!reader + hotch is my favorite combo ever. i haven't written and posted in, like, two years so please be nice :) i've written so many other versions of hotch but this one just wrote itself. inspired by the amazing @luveline and so many breathtaking hotch stories and isabel (alisdas on ao3, not on here anymore i think :( ) who wrote of terrible coffee and late-night rides which i think started all of this and my immense aaron brain rot when i read that fic, like, three years ago. enjoy!

This was wrong, Aaron thought to himself. He seldom committed acts that others might say were wrong, or argue they could potentially be wrong, but this was different. Aaron felt wrong, a feeling he was not used to.

“I’m worried about you, that’s all,” you had said quietly on the jet early one morning. You two were sitting across from each other on the flight back from the team’s latest solved case, an excruciating long ride home from the coast of Oregon.

Your book laid open on your lap, unread and a bookmark tucked between the earlier pages. The spine was cracked, like you’d read it a hundred times before. He knew that wasn’t true though, it was just a used novel probably from the thrift store around the corner of your apartment.

You had told him once, back when you first started—back when he was still married and you were less affected by this job—that you liked finding used (pre-loved, you call it) books and picking the most worn out ones to take home. You said it means that someone used to love this book.

It felt wrong because you were too young for him, and too innocent to be mixed up in his life. What could you know about his thoughts? About the love of his life that divorced him and his son he only sees once in a while.

The rest of the team makes jokes with you, in particular JJ and Penelope. He’s even heard Emily pitch in, about your not-so-secret fondness for your boss. For him.

Back when you had first started, it was nothing. Passing glances, working extra hard to please him and earn his praise—which was never given out generously. He hadn’t even taken the time to notice, never paid more attention than any other member of the team. What he did notice was your work ethic.

Being among the youngest of the team had instilled a drive in you to prove your worth. You always stayed an hour extra, came early, and spent nights working the case even when you were yawning every few minutes. The most attention he’d given you back then was commenting that you’d had a good insight into the unsub, commending you on well-written reports and briefs, and offering you a cup of coffee when it was just you and him left in the sheriff’s office. He’d be rereading seemingly endless pages of the case reports and you’d be diving headfirst into the victim’s lives.

Your specialty was always understanding why the victims did what they did, figuring out their routines and ascertaining important details from their personal belongings. He was used to you flicking through diaries and boxes of mementos that were once treasured by another young girl, not so much older than yourself.

He’d be lying if he hadn’t thought it was impacting you—reading through the journals of dead women who had been very similar to yourself, with similar hopes and dreams. It was depressing, he knew, and yet if you were bothered by it, you didn’t show it in the slightest. At least not to him.

And back then, he’d never notice the sweet smile that always graced your face when he was asking you if you’d like coffee. You’d shake your head no, and take sips of water between your yawns. You didn’t even tell him that you don’t drink coffee until a few months later, after he asked if you’d ever like a cup when he offered. He can remember it clearly even now.

“Actually, Hotch, I don’t drink coffee.” Your cheeks were tinged with color like you were embarrassed to even be admitting this to him.

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner? I would have stopped asking three months ago.” If he sounded stern, he didn't mean to. The burning on your face deepened.

“I didn’t want to be rude. I drink tea though, but I didn’t think to mention it. It’s not as easy to make.”

“Well, let me know if you need a cup of hot water then.”

You had smiled at that, and he had turned around to take another picture on the bulletin board. He smiled a little too.

“You don’t need to worry about me,” he said, maybe a little too gruffly. He didn’t mean it, again, but it just came out that way. He thinks some part of him is trying to warn you to stay away before you get too close.

“We’re all worried. You went through something really big and didn’t tell any of us and even if you don’t care about us like that, I care about you. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Aaron’s gaze casts around the rest of the jet. Derek has his headphones in, staring out the window and trying to resist sleep. JJ and Emily are playing cards—they should be sleeping, but they had a little too much espresso a few hours before. They’re too far away to hear you and Aaron speaking, but he notices JJ’s eyes darting over every once in a while. Spence is asleep, and he realizes that’s why it’s so quiet. Dave is reading a book, too, but he’ll stop and interject into JJ and Emily’s conversation.

He looks back at you, sleepy-eyed and wrapped in a warm, boxy pullover from your alma mater. He thinks a little bit too much about you these days, and he can’t get it to stop. He shouldn’t profile anyone on the team, they have a strict moratorium on that, but especially not you.

You, who never fails to try to make anyone feel better when they’re down. You, who doesn’t make it seem like you’re analyzing their behavior, but rather observing and offering comfort in hard times. You remember everything the team tells you about their likes and dislikes, never forgetting a birthday or special occasion. He can distinctly recall fresh chocolate chip cookies on Derek’s birthday, carrot cake from the Italian bakery Rossi loves to celebrate when his latest book became a bestseller, and a new knick knack for Penelope’s office after a particularly brutal case.

You say it’s all in passing, but he knows it’s not. You’re trying your hardest to keep the team together in the little ways, strengthening bonds that extend beyond coworkers. You want to fit in and be accepted, and you worry so much that you won’t. This is your way of trying to show that you’re a part of this team too, not just the new girl and one of the young ones.

Aaron blinks twice. You’re looking at him expectantly, and he wishes you wouldn’t. All he’ll do is disappoint you.

“You don’t need to worry,” he repeats. “I’ll be fine.”

“I wish you wouldn’t say that. Why is it so bad for us to worry about you?” You look like you’re starting to get upset—it hurts Aaron more than he realized it would. It’s not bad for the others to worry, it’s bad for you. If you get attached, if he lets this get unprofessional, he doesn’t think he’ll ever forgive himself. Hurting himself is one thing; hurting you is another entirely.

“Let it go, Agent. Try to get some rest.” He looks out the window. He can see the sun coming up, and realizes he hasn’t slept since the night before last. He still needs to drive home—not really home, he remembers sadly, his empty apartment— and work on reports before he can even see Jack. He doesn’t think resting now is a good idea, and yet his body is so tired.

When he looks back, you’re reading your book again but your eyes are really paying attention to the words on the page. You’re just skimming, and blinking rapidly, and he realizes then he’s made you tear up.

His phone goes off—Haley, and he feels guilt building up in his chest, almost overwhelming him. He steps away to answer and talks quietly. He doesn’t want you to overhear and worry even more. When he comes back to his seat, you’ve fallen asleep. He takes the book from your hands gently and puts the bookmark in, closing it and resting it on the seat beside you. He watches you sleep and wonders if he’s making a mistake trying to hide from you. He thinks, and not for the first time, that you see right through him.

The plane lands an hour and a half later, and everyone is beyond exhausted. Even Spencer, who normally doesn’t need much energy or caffeine to start talking fast about something interesting he noticed about this case and this unsub, is unusually quiet. They’re all running on fumes, staying up two nights in a row profiling and then catching the unsub with the latest victim at one in the morning, and then boarding the jet soon after.

Aaron makes a decision, everyone can work on their notes from home and the report is due no later than day after next. Derek pats him on the shoulder and says no one is to call him for the next twenty-four hours. JJ and Emily exchange a laugh. Y

ou, he notices, though he wishes he wouldn’t, go up to Spencer and talk with him quietly. When you’re done, he beams at you and you at him. He wonders what you two talked about when they’re all heading out, listening to Spencer ramble about how the unsub’s use of his childhood spots as disposal sites offers insight into the abuse of his youth. Prentiss tells him to save it for the report.

He and Rossi are walking back to their cars when Dave speaks up for the first time.

“You’re wondering what she said to him, aren’t you?”

Aaron stops for a moment.

“You should know better than to profile me.”

“Oh, I’m not profiling. This is just me being observant. You should stop fiddling with your ring finger when you talk to her. It’s a dead giveaway.”

“Dave, I don’t need to tell you that this conversation—“

“I know, I know. I won’t mention it again if you don’t want me to.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

“See you tomorrow, Aaron. And by the way, she offered to write his notes for him if he wanted. He said it’s hard for him to write about unsubs with schizophrenic tendencies and she said she can try to help, if he wants. That’s all. Let me know when you’re ready to talk about this.”

Aaron gets in his car and doesn’t stop thinking about you the entire ride home.

You wish you could make it stop. The way you feel about your boss. It started so long ago, it’s almost a part of you now. Aaron is stern and his disposition is frightening, to the say the least. But only at first, you’ve realized, after so many late evenings spent discussing the case with him, breaking down the tiniest details, and him paying attention to your every word when you discuss the victim’s demeanor and behavior to try to figure out what had really happened.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, you thought. You had gone to the overpopulated state school with the hopes of entering the medical field. You were a true empath, and there was no one’s suffering you couldn’t relate to, no one that you wouldn’t try to make feel better. All your life, people cried on your shoulder while you offered up words of comfort. And because of this, everyone thought you were a shoo-in for nursing or medical school, where you could help people through the worst days of their life.

All it took was a few days at the hospital where you had been working, a string of murder victims being wheeled in one after another, for you to reconsider your life’s work. None had survived the incident, but the killer let them live just long enough to be seen by the doctor, who then had to declare them legally dead.

Something about the victims seemed familiar to you, how they’d all come from wealthy families and were sliced up in their expensive clothing, expensive jewelry and watches smashed to bits instead of being stolen. You mentioned it to one of the officiers, who told someone else, and somewhere in that chain of events, your insight helped them catch the killer.

It was then, you thought, that maybe you should be working on the other side of these situations. Stopping the killer before it ever got to this.

Then you’d done a one-hundred and eighty degree spin on your career, electing to pursue becoming an agent. You had been young, and motivated, and you chose to overlook when everyone told you this job might become your whole life, leaving no time for a husband and kids and a family.

You had ignored it all, working your way up from the local field office to child crimes in just a year and a half. The transition out of sex crimes to homicide was disturbingly hard, because at least before you’d had a victim to interview. You were no expert, not yet, but a unique asset altogether, combining a true mission to uncover the best in each victim, and figuring out their behavior patterns from bedrooms and diaries.

It was a unique skill-set, acquired mostly because a lot of traumatized children didn’t offer much to go off of. You had to turn to their childhood homes, toys, and scribbles to figure out what had been going on in the first place.

You reflect often on why you decided to leave child homicide when news spread that the BAU had an opening for one more agent. Truthfully, you hadn’t considered it at all, since you were more than happy with your current position and coworkers. You were solving cases, delivering justice, and bringing whatever comfort you could bring to grieving families.

In fact, you had been requested specifically. You, out of a hundred or more well-established, intelligent agents that could be a huge asset to the team. You were never special, and you didn’t like to think of yourself in that way either, but you couldn’t deny how good it felt to hear that the team wanted you.

And when you transferred over, everyone was so nice. The team was inviting, they respected your opinion, and especially in cases with younger victims, they revered your knowledge. You felt included, and invaluable, and as hard as you worked, you wanted to work even harder.

Your boss was a brilliant agent and profiler, and so hardworking that you wanted to do anything you could to make his workload a little easier. You wrote the most detailed reports, so he would have to edit them as much.. You offered to pick up extra briefs, so he took home a couple less papers. And no matter what you did, acknowledged or not, you knew you were making the kind of difference you’d always dreamed you would.

Aaron—he was only ever Aaron in your head, and Hotch the rest of the time—liked you as an agent, and it made you happy. A little happier than you should be, considering he was happily married with a toddler and a perfect life outside of work. It was almost wrong, but it didn’t stop you from trying to impress him with your work ethic.

You always put aside your other feelings and focused on the team, and somehow in all of that, you felt like you were finally making your difference. You were close with the team and close enough with Aaron, that you hadn’t been worried to start that conversation on the jet now that all these circumstances were changing. Haley had asked for a divorce and he hadn’t muttered a word of it to anyone.

He’s so tired, you can see. You wonder if everyone else notices it too, or if it’s just you observing so closely. He has dark circles now, because he never sleeps, always working, and the furrows on his forehead are seemingly etched in and permanent. He misses his wife and his son, and you know it, and maybe it’s wrong to care about your boss so much that your heart hurts when you see him glancing at the framed photos of his family on his desk, or the tiny polaroids in his wallet, but you do. You think you’re in love with Aaron Hotchner, and you don’t know how to make it stop.

You’re gonna get hurt, you remind yourself every now and then.

Aaron and Spence have just come back from the prison, where they had an encounter with Chester Hardwick that they won’t really talk about. You’d been with the rest of the team in Indiana, and then two days later in Oregon.

Aaron and Haley were divorcing, and it hurt him so much, you knew, because it wasn't for a lack of love. It was a lack of time, a shortness of hours in the day. He couldn’t be the husband Haley wanted and the father he thought Jack needed while being an agent for eighteen hours a day. It hurt you too, seeing him like this. You wish he felt better.

The days and weeks seemed to blend into months. Somewhere in between Hotch’s divorce and JJ’s pregnancy, you had become complacent with your relationship with Aaron. Walking in together from the parking lot, leaving together at the end of a long day—usually alone and sometimes joined by Emily or David. Sometimes you’d have a frothy drink from a nearby coffee shop in your hand—to which you always hear, “My coffee’s not better than that stuff?”

“It’s not coffee, remember-”

“I know, you don’t drink coffee. That stuff is full of sugar. I don’t need you bouncing off the walls like Reid and Garcia too.”

You laugh, and then you wonder if it’s because he really cares or if it was just a passing comment. You share a lot of little moments like that.

When his eardrum was nearly blown out after New York, you almost offered to drive back with him from Ohio to Virginia. It was instinct, because you just didn’t want him to be alone. You had exchanged a glance when he handed you the plate of brownies from the victim’s mother, and you knew he had read your mind. But he didn’t say anything, and you left it at that. You’re not nearly stupid enough to think that your boss reciprocates your feelings for him. Hell, most days you don’t even know what feelings you have for him.

Your seats on the jet are almost permanently fixed; near the coffee machine towards the cockpit. You sit across from each other, and sometimes you don’t even speak. He’ll bring you a cup of hot water, and he doesn’t ask if you need a tea bag from the make-shift coffee station, because knows they’re in your go-bag.

When it’s his weekend with Jack after two weeks of back-to-back cases, Aaron is always working on the reports on the jet. It’s because he’s trying to reduce how much work he has to do at home, and even when everyone’s fallen asleep and your eyes are close to shutting, you get up and make him a cup of coffee. He’s never once told you how he takes it, and he doesn’t know if you’ve seen him make it either, but somehow you know, and it’s always right. When you offer him the steaming paper cup, he looks up at you with an entirely new look—something you’ve never seen before. You two don’t exchange so many words.

He says it all with his eyes, sometimes, even when you’re not looking. It’s gratitude. (When you get off the jet a few hours later, you tease Morgan about his snoring. Derek asks you where his cup of coffee is, and you shove his arm so hard he almost drops his bag.

In the end, it was you who had figured out there was something wrong with the Reaper’s last few victims.

“Why would a nineteen year old girl date her teaching assistant?” You had questioned, looking through a file that everyone’s eyes had already seen. “An honors student, a freshman, I mean, none of this points to an illicit affair with faculty. She knew it was against the rules and her roommates said she’s never so much as skipped class.”

“That could have been because she wants to see him,” Derek interjects. “If they were truly in love like Foyet said, she’d take every opportunity to be with him.”

“But in an environment where no one can know you two are together? I mean, if she was in love and close to getting engaged, wouldn’t she tell her best friends? Her parents? How many teenage girls keep something like that just to themselves?”

The pieces of the puzzle that had once fit together so nicely were coming undone. It felt like the blink of an eye, from catching Foyet to him escaping. Everyone was on edge, no one more than Aaron, and your empathy still knew no bounds. Where you had once been able to focus on work and dedicate all your thoughts to the cases, you now were distracted and distant. Every other thought was about Aaron, as wrong as that might be.

Canada had been something else entirely. It was difficult for the entire team to fathom, but nearly impossible for you. You had lost your temper twice—something you’d never done before— and thrown up when the team discovered all the shoes. JJ had run after you but in the end, Aaron was the one who found you outside.

“I’m sorry, JJ, I’ll be fine—I-I just need a minute,” you breath out, chest heaving and tears brimming.

“It’s okay,” Aaron says, “take your time.”

You turn around so fast, your breath catching, and you hate this situation. You could never hate Aaron but you hate this, you hate that he followed you and that he’s seeing you like this. You look weak, after two and a half years of trying to prove to him that you’re strong—strong enough to handle this job, do what needs to be done, and not cry at a crime scene.

“I-I’m sorry, I-”

“Why are you apologizing?” He doesn’t sound mad, or like he’s belittling you, and you don’t know why that’s what you expected. This is Aaron, your Aaron, and even though he’s not really yours it doesn't seem to matter much right now.

“I’m making a scene. I-I shouldn’t be throwing up on the job or screaming at those unsubs or anything else-”

“It’s okay. It happens.” Aaron says it so concisely, you almost feel better for a second. Isn’t this what it’s always come down to? You need Aaron like air, and somehow he always knows what you need to hear. He doesn’t treat you any differently compared to the others but it feels different today. You can’t describe it in words. If JJ or Morgan had followed you out here, you would have said the same things, but you wouldn’t have felt this way. Like if you crumble here today, Aaron will be there to pick you up.

“Take your time, please,” he repeats. “I know you think you have something to prove to me, but you don’t. You’ve proven it already, to all of us. Admitting that all of this gets to you isn’t a bad thing. That’s what separates us from them.”

At that moment, a dam bursts. Tears flow down your face like they haven’t in so long, as long as you can remember. You think you should feel embarrassed, crying in front of your boss, but Aaron takes you into his arms and you can’t remember the last time you felt this safe. Cheesy, you think, but this is everything I thought it would be and more.

You’re not sure how long he holds you there, but eventually once the front of his shirt is covered in your tears and he offers you a tissue (Does he just carry this around waiting for one of us to cry?) and you head back together. This is the embarrassing part, you think, bracing yourself and biting your inner cheek. But if the team is judging you at this moment, they certainly don’t show it.

You join JJ and Emily inside the house, who ask you if you’re okay when you sniffle for the last time. Spencer asks you later, on the way home. Derek tells you to call him if you need anything. Dave tells you, “You’ll be okay, kid,” and somehow, you believe him. Penelope texts you once on your phone, checking in and promising a distracting, gossip filled girl’s night out soon.

Aaron walks you to your car, and says goodnight. You’re delusional, you think, once you're back at home. You’ve taken the longest, hottest shower imaginable and your record player is emitting the scratchy sound of your favorite Beatles album. You’re in a big shirt that’s getting wet while you brush your freshly cleaned hair and all you can think about is how it felt to be wrapped in Aaron’s arms a couple hours ago.

You are delusional, you remind yourself. You’re checking your phone every couple minutes like a love-sick teenager. You think Aaron’s going to call you to check in, you almost feel it in your bones. You leave the ringer on incase he calls later—maybe he showered and sat down to work on some reports before sleeping. You fall asleep thirty minutes later, exhausted down to your bones, and wake up startled by your phone going off. In your sleepy delirium, you answer without looking who it is—assuming it’s Aaron.

“Hotch?”

“Hey, sorry it’s JJ. We have another case, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, JJ, um, okay, I-I’ll be there in ten. Text the address, okay?” Your cheeks burn at the slip.

“I sent it just now. Listen, I’m sorry, but can you try Hotch’s cell? I called and texted and he’s not answering.” You feel your stomach turn, first because Aaron isn’t answering and he always answers, and second because JJ thinks he’ll answer if you call.

“I’ll try him now. I’ll call you back.”

You try him twice while changing and another time in the car. Your only explanation is that maybe he went to see Jack and put his phone away, but even that doesn’t check out.

When you get to the scene, you inform the others about Aaron not answering.

“Alright, let’s split up for now and I’ll keep trying Hotch,” Derek says. They don’t seem that worried, and maybe that lulls you into not worrying either. After all, they’ve known him a lot longer than you have.

You end up with Spencer and Emily at the doctor’s house, combing through patient files Garcia sent over. There’s tens of dozens, and even though you want to go with Emily to Aaron’s place to get him, you know your experience with kids and in the hospital is vital. You and Spencer start working, but something feels off. You just can’t place it.

In the end, you attribute it to your nerves from the last case. Your fear of embarrassing yourself carried into today, and even though you know no one judged you for losing it in Canada, the feeling lingers. Spencer answers the phone from Emily and says that Hotch was busy with something at the bureau that now requires Emily too. In the end, you and Spence figure it out just in time. Your body is so tired, it hurts, and then on top of that, Spencer gets hurt. You can barely process what’s happening, and you don’t feel better until the doctor says it’s through-and-through.

“God, Spencer, never do that again,” you say, your hands wet with the blood from his wound. You wipe it on your clothes, thinking you’ll change soon.

“Guys, guys listen to me, something’s happened to Hotch.” The blood drains from your face and your breath stops in your throat.

“What?”

“Emily told me not to say anything until we got the unsub, but he’s in the hospital.”

The next hour is a blur. You all show up to the hospital, and Emily is talking to a bunch of agents. Their faces are blurred because you can hardly think straight.

“Em? Is he okay?” your words must be coming out frantically because everyone’s looking at you like you’re about to crumble.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t say anything because I knew we wouldn’t be able to think straight about the case, I know it’s wrong but-”

“Is he okay?” You didn’t mean to cut her off, it just happened like that. Your mind is so clouded right now with a petrifying vision of Aaron dying alone on the floor of his new apartment that he hates so much, while you were waiting for a call for him.

“He-he hasn’t woken up yet.”

You sit on a chair by Aaron’s bed. He looks like he’s sleeping, and a part of you had always wanted to see him like this. It would be comforting, if he actually was sleeping. You’d imagined it a little differently—you thought for sure he snores and sleeps on his side. You always notice sleep lines only on one arm when you guys have just woken up and continue working on the case. You stare extra hard when he rolls up the sleeves of his dress shirt on particularly hot days. Everyone would moan and groan about another case in the heat of Texas or Arizona, but not you.

It seems like those memories were a million years ago.

When he wakes up, everyone pours in and it distracts you for a few heartbeats. When they realize what Foyet is actually after, the terror is apparent on everyone's faces. You realize how long it’s been since you last saw Haley and Jack when they finally step into the room. You and Emily leave to give them privacy.

Later that night, you’re back in that chair. Aaron wakes up for a few minutes at a time, and when he finally stays awake, he notices you.

“How long have I been out?”

“Thirty minutes. Give or take.”

“Is there water?”

“Yeah, yeah.” You scramble up to get the pitcher and pour him a glass. There’s a straw too, which you put in the cup and hold still for a second so he can drink.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah.” He can see all your emotions on your face. It doesn’t take him long at all, not anymore. You’ve been crying and your clothes have blood on them. He’s alarmed again.

“Is that your blood?” he asks, swallowing hard.

“No, no, Hotch. We had a case, the-the unsub shot Spence. He’s okay though, it just got on me and I haven’t been back home to change yet.”

“Why don’t you? Go home?”

“I didn’t want to leave you.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I let you go home alone yesterday and look what happened.” You smile meekly at your own joke, hoping he appreciates it. He lies still though, not smiling.

“I think you should go home. Get some rest after everything.”

“You know, Hotch, only you would tell me to go home and rest up when you’re the one who’s currently in the hospital.”

“I just think-”

“Do you want me to leave? If you do, I will. I swear.” There’s silence between you two for a moment.

“No.”

“Good, because I wasn’t going to.” The corners of his mouth turn up a little. You barely even notice it. “I can’t leave now. I don’t want you to sit alone here.” You should stop talking, you think to yourself. But you don’t. “You know yesterday, I got home and the whole time I sat there wondering if you were gonna call my cell. I even turned the ringer up all the way so I didn’t miss it. And I know that’s stupid because why would you call me? But I had this feeling. And now all I can think is why didn’t I call you?”

“Don’t think like-”

“Don’t think like that? Yeah, I knew you would say that. But if I had called you like I wanted to, and asked you to come over like I wanted to, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. But I didn’t because I was scared and I don’t want to be scared anymore. And I know this is the last thing you need to hear right now, but I guess I can’t hold it in any longer.”

You want to clamp your hand over your mouth. Your favorite cheesy rom-coms have infiltrated your brain, and you can’t fathom how stupid you must sound right now to Aaron. He’s just almost died and the kid who was the last to join his team is declaring love for him on his hospital bed. But it won’t stop coming out.

“Can I tell you something Aaron? I mean, more than I already have? Emily said she didn’t tell me you were hurt because she knew I wouldn’t be able to think straight about the case anymore. About anything, anymore, if I knew you were missing or that you were hurt or dead. And I’ve been trying to hide it for so long, because I know you don’t need any more complications in your life right now, but, I think I have feelings for you, Aaron.” Hot tears stream down your face. You try to stop them but you can’t. They’ve been building up for two years.

“Please don’t cry. I don’t have a tissue for you this time.” You smile through your tears, but your entire body is still tense. It’s because you’re still expecting bad news, still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Do you want me to leave? I can call Emily, she’ll sit with you if you don’t want to be alone.”

“I don’t want you to leave. And you don’t have to tell me these things, I already knew them.” Another few tears drip down your face. Aaron’s chest hurts more than it has ever before. He thinks back to your conversation on the jet that day, when you told him you cared about him and he hadn’t said much of anything at all. “I hope you know that I have feelings for you, too.”

“You mean you care about me and the team?” you question half-heartedly. You think you’ve already gotten your answer. “I mean I care about the team a lot. And I care about you more than I should, more than what’s right. More than a superior should care about one of their agents. And I think if this hadn’t happened, I would have called you last night. Not because of the case, because of you. Because I need to make sure you’re okay.”

Your heart thumps uncomfortably in your chest. Aaron reaches out his hand a little, and you take it into yours. You sit like that for a long time, and you know there’s so much else going on, but a small part of you sighs in relief. Aaron is okay, and he feels about you how you do about him, and maybe everything will be okay in the end.

The months after Haley’s funeral are tough for everyone. It’s weird going to work and not seeing Aaron. Sometimes you inadvertently make a cup of coffee how he likes it and have no one to give it to. You started drinking some, even though it tastes bitter and terrible, it makes you feel close to him.

How stupid is that, you wonder one day, sipping the coffee and looking over files with JJ. If the rest of the team thinks you're stupid, they haven’t shown any signs of it yet. You’re sure they mostly feel bad for you and your pathetic behavior. You’ve gotten sloppy because you can’t stop thinking about how Aaron is doing.

You and the team will go visit him and Jack at his new place. You make cookies, snickerdoodle for Aaron and oatmeal raisin for Jack.

“What kind of a kid are you?” you questioned, helping Jack scribble in his Captain America coloring book. He’s munching on a cookie while you try to figure out what part of the shield is blue and what part is red. “I mean, who likes oatmeal raisin cookies at the tender age of 5?”

“I did,” Spencer says, taking another one out of the tin.

“You don’t count, genius,” Morgan says, and then directs his gaze at you. “And I mean come on, no chocolate chip for me? None at all? That hurts.”

“I made you some like two weeks ago! I have a job, you know,” you fire back. Aaron laughs, eating the snickerdoodle after dipping it in milk. It’s so domestic, you feel yourself staring. You only turn away when he catches you looking.

When he comes back, you wonder if it’ll ever feel normal again. That silly routine you two had, the chairs on the jet near the coffee machine that you still sit in, walks to your car.

At first, it just feels strange. So much has changed yet the team’s dynamic remains the same. You get through cases with the same ferocity you had when you first started, eager to prove your worth again. Your reports detail every detail and then some, and you stay even later than Aaron some nights. You need something to focus on, and your cases seem like the best option. The other option is to have another conversation with Aaron about your feelings and you think you might die if that happens.

When it finally does happen, it’s plenty embarrassing. You were so sure about your theory about this unsub, so sure that he would confess if he was confronted about his crimes and reminded of the humanity of his victims—three little kids, all under ten. Maybe that’s why it bothered you so much, and that’s why you stormed into the residence even though the rest of the team was screaming at you not to. In the end, you talk him down, but Aaron runs in behind you anyways and nearly spooks the unsub into suicide.

“You do not have the authorization to make calls like that,” Aaron yells at you, and though you had once thought you would die if he yelled at you, it’s all too easy to yell back.

In that moment, when you had known what would happen, dealing with your area of expertise, he stormed in and questioned you and your abilities as an agent and as a profiler.

“I don’t need authorization, I knew what would happen, and I knew how to talk him down without this ending in gunfire—”

“I don’t care what you think you knew. This is a team, and we don’t make decisions that jeopardize a case without agreeing on it!” “You mean you have to agree with every decision I make? I had it handled, Hotch, you almost blew that whole thing up because you didn’t believe in me!”

“That’s not what this is about,” he fires back, and it feels strange to be yelling at you. He can’t recall the last time he’s ever done this. The rest of the team is just packing up in the police station, trying not to overhear but not really having any choice in the matter.

“Yes it is! You don’t trust me! Not to make decisions for this team and for our cases, or for anything. You just proved that back there. You don’t trust me.” It’s happening again. Tears brew in your eyes. They spill down before you can stop it. Aaron softens before your very eyes at the sight of them. “Stop! Stop feeling bad just because now I’m crying, they’re not tears for you, they’re angry tears and I can’t control it-”

“Of course, I trust you.” His voice has dropped from a yell to just above a whisper. “How could you think that I don’t?”

“I’m not stupid, Aaron. I know what I’m doing. My plan was going to work and you shot me down in front of everyone because you didn’t believe in me,” you say between tears. “Nothing’s changed.”

“And what do you think would happen if you stormed in there and I lost you too?” His voice is gentle. You hadn’t noticed that he was so close to you now. You can see the eyelash on his cheek and feel the heat radiating from his body.

“That’s not what this is about.”

“That is exactly what this is about. You think I don’t trust you, so I won’t let you walk into a confrontation alone? That I think you don’t know how to profile, how to handle these unsubs, so I get into a screaming match outside a crime scene? Tell me, does that check with any of my behavior in the years I’ve known you?”

“I don’t know, Hotch, I don’t profile you.”

“You call me Hotch in front of everyone, and especially when you’re upset with me. When it’s just us you use Aaron. You know how I take my coffee even though I’ve never told you, because you pay attention even when no one else is looking. Cases with children affect you the most, especially when it takes us longer to work them, because you think you should be quicker and figure out the unsub faster since you worked with kids before joining the team. You remember the little things everyone says because you don’t want them to think you’re not paying attention to them. You cry about cases when you feel like there’s something more you should have done, even though there’s nothing else any of us can do. And you cry about me the most of all, that time on the jet, in the hospital, and just now because you think I don’t share your feelings. You think I know all this because I’m profiling you, but it’s not. It’s because I pay attention to those whom I love.”

Shell shocked. You are shell shocked at Aaron’s speech, eyes wide and mouth open. You’re sure the rest of the team, hidden behind a bulletin board and the conference table is much the same.

“I’m going to kiss you now. And that’s the end of the conversation about me not trusting you, okay?” You nod dumbly. Aaron’s lips are sweet and taste like his coffee—black, with two sugars. You feel another tear falling but it’s only because you hadn’t expected any of that.

“That took long enough,” David says from behind the partition.

and voila <3

#spent my sunday writing this while rewatching season 3 #putting off prep for my grad school interview b/c this is so much better <3 #hope everyone likes it #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotcher imagine #hotch #hotch imagine #aaron hotch fanfiction

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stellarsagittarius · 11 months

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☀️Sun in Synastry - How this person lights you up ☀️

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Their Sun in your 1st House Synastry

Sun is the illumination. Sun is attention and the core of our essence. When someone's Sun falls in your 1st house, you can expect this person to completely transform your outlook on life. The Sun person will show you new ways of being, they will show you traits about yourself, they will be like a mirror to you. Their love language will be to motivate the heck out of you. This person will encourage you immensely to be a better person. They will teach a lot about who you are. Your mindset will expand and grow with this person's presence. They will hold you down in your darkest times, and will fly together with you in your best times. Expect a lot of compliments from this person, a lot of deep talks where you touch the very ways of being authentic & being yourself, a lot of admiration for the person that you are! You both will relate to each other immensely and will grow together as two individuals. The Sun person will feel like they found a person worth sharing their life with, because you two are so similar in so many ways. There could be a little bit of competition involved, but rest assured if this is a healthy relationship, you won't have to worry.

Their Sun in your 2nd House Synastry

This is kind of materialistic, but this person is actually so whipped up for you, that they can't really focus on anything else. This person is extremely attracted to how you carry yourself, what your beliefs and focus on life is, what it is that you do with your body, your possessions, how you act, etc. This person has a whole dictionary about you built in their heads. This may sound a bit obsessive, BUT it's in a good way. Because this person simply adores the way you carry yourself. They are attracted to how nicely you put yourself together, your habits and values, they are super inspired by that! You can expect this person to gift you a lot of things that they might want to be a part of your aesthetic. They might be super touchy, especially in healthy romantic relationships, the Sun person will love to adore your body, make you feel good about yourself, see you enjoying the experiences they give to you ;) . You will feel like they constantly have their eyes on you and even from a far without seeing it you can just tell that they were peeking glances at you. You will feel super adored and cherished by them. And they will make sure to do whatever it is that will put a genuine smile on your face.

Their Sun in your 3rd House Synastry

This person will be extremely talkative around you. Even if this is a very shy and introverted person, you can very well expect their talkative side to come out in your presence! They will naturally feel like expressing their thoughts to you. And they will feel like found an amazing companion with whom they can discuss anything and grow their minds in plenty of ways. You both will share a lot of deep conversations, ideas that you both will bond on, and you can expect plenty of similar opinions on plenty of things. The Sun person will open up to you in plenty of way and you will find a buddy with whom you share a lot of similar ideas and interests. This is not extremely romantic, like the cases where the couple is super intimate or involved in each other's lives. This is more lighthearted and about a very beautiful friendship built on common interests. This person's love language is to speak what they feel about you, they are very honest and don't really sugarcoat anything. You can always expect to have a good laugh with this person about anything. They will be super goofy around you.

Their Sun in your 4th House Synastry

When someone's Sun falls in your 4th house, you can really expect a sense of intimacy and closeness with that person. This person will feel like a home that you always wanted to return to. You both will build a very deep sense of attachment and closeness with each other. The Sun person will feel very seen in the presence of the house person. They will like they finally found a person who understands them to a great length. You both will be very active when alone. Expect a lot of quality time together where you both just spend as much time as you both can simply understanding each other and feeling comfortable in each other's presence. You both will share a lot of "secrets", in a way where the Sun person will only open up truly with you. You will see a very emotionally charged and vulnerable side of the Sun person. They will feel like you can just 'get' them for no real reason, and therefore sometimes they might feel a bit hesitant or shy with you. Their love language is to spend time alone together where you both create this safe space for each other to express whatever you both feel. You can also expect almost this baby like behavior from this person because they just feel so safe with you!

Their Sun in your 5th House Synastry

When the Sun falls in the 5th house in synastry, an undeniable sense of joy and creative expression permeates the connection between two individuals. The Sun person becomes a radiant source of inspiration and vitality for the house person, igniting a profound sense of playfulness and enjoyment in their presence. There is a natural harmony and synchronization between the energies, fostering a deep emotional connection and a shared zest for life's pleasures. The house person experiences a magnetic pull towards the Sun person, as if they have found a muse who understands and appreciates their unique talents and desires. When someone's Sun falls in your 5th house, it's like you've found your own personal ray of sunshine. The Sun feels naturally themselves in your presence. Since is at home in the 5th house. This connection thrives on quality time spent together, nurturing a sacred space where they can openly express their deepest emotions and create lasting memories. The love language between them is a fusion of passion, creativity, and genuine companionship, creating a tapestry of shared experiences that celebrates their individuality and brings out the best in each other.

Their Sun in your 6th House Synastry

When someone's Sun falls in your 6th house in synastry, it's like having a dependable partner who's got your back. This person brings stability and practicality to the table, making you feel supported and grounded. They understand the importance of getting things done and staying organized, which meshes well with your need for routines, and a stable life. Together, you make a great team, always ready to lend a helping hand and push each other to achieve your goals. You appreciate how the Sun person sees your efforts and values your attention to detail. You'll find yourselves spending a lot of time working together, tackling tasks and creating a sense of accomplishment. Acts of service and practical gestures are their love language. You both show each other that you're reliable and committed to help each other in whatever situation. This is a good aspect for co-workers and if you both are working on something together, like managing a home and kids! The Sun person will show you ways to have better routines or they might totally change your lifestyle. You both make an awesome team!

Their Sun in your 7th House Synastry

With someone's Sun in your 7th house, you will experience a deep sense of commitment and closeness with them. The Sun person will be like your soulmate, your perfect companion. You will find that all the qualities that you seek in an ideal partner, are presented in the Sun person. With this placement, you both will feel like each other's ride or die, or partner's in crime. The Sun person's love language is to spend a lot of quality time together, literally being together, and just supporting each other in whatever. This is a very ideal placement for romantic relationships because the Sun person becomes this perfect other half. The 7th house is all about "the others." Sun will help you feel fulfilled in this relationship, will teach you a lot about relationships and making a relationship itself work. You will learn to depend upon each other in a healthy way, to communicate your needs in a healthy way, and to learn how you can be there for someone through the thick and thin. There will be a lot of joy and playfulness in this relationship. You will feel like you found you soulmate, or a person that just simply gets you!

Their Sun in your 8th House Synastry

The 8th house, especially in Synastry is super intense and deep. Because the 8th house is all about bonds, secrets, transformation and rebirth. It's all about what you share with someone else. Therefore when someone's Sun falls into your 8th house, you can expect to share an extremely deep connection with them. And by deep, I don't mean just deep talks, this is a whole mind, body and soul deep. This will bind you to the Sun person on a whole new level. You both will feel super involved in each other's lives. The Sun person will illuminate your secrets, your deepest darkest side, all your shadows. You will feel like a completely different person in their presence. They will show you parts of yourself that were so deeply buried within you. This person's love language, honestly is just anything that exist to make you feel loved and better. The Sun person is so infatuated, so intrigued by your essence, that they can't help but be involved in anything and everything that you do. They don't hold back. This relationship might get obsessive sometimes for the both of you, but remember to always trust each other first and foremost. You both will thrive in environments when both of your needs are met equally.

Their Sun in your 9th House Synastry

When someone's Sun falls into your 9th house, you can truly expect this connection to be full of excitement and growth. This is the type of couple that will explore the world together, have adventures, make plenty of memories, teach each other so much about life, and these two might even change each other's philosophy/outlook on life while in this relationship. The Sun person feels super interested about learning your philosophy on life. The Sun person looks up to you as this wise soul who can teach them a lot about life. You will feel like the Sun person is this curious soul who is always eager to learn something new about life. With this aspect you can expect a relationship filled with a sense of adventure, any kind of. You will have more fun with the Sun person than you have had with any other person (unless they have their Sun in your 9th house as well). Sun's love language is to make memories with you, any kind of. They would love to go on adventures with you, travel with you, make beautiful memories with you. Anything with the Sun person will feel super thrilling. This might turn into a restless energy where both of you can't catch up with each other's need to live their life to the fullest. The Sun person will be your greatest teacher about life.

Their Sun in your 10th House Synastry

The 10th house is the highest point in the sky, and having someone's Sun there tells us that they will be an extremely influential person when it comes to our public image. The Sun person is naturally the person who other people consider you to be. Your social mask will be even more illuminated by the Sun person. They will shine bright, when they are around you. People might be immensely drawn to their presence in your life. This also symbolizes that the Sun person will play an important role in your career and public life. They are someone who gives you much more publicity than you usually get or if you are an introverted person they make you become super social and interactive with others. Sun will also make you feel more confident and bold than usual. You will feel a heightened sense of ambition, recognition and power. This is kind of giving, "Whenever you will be remembered/talked about by others, some way or the other the Sun person's name will follow up." The Sun person will bring you lots of growth in your career field, and they will almost be like a mentor. Romantically speaking, the Sun person loves to show you off, praise you for your achievements, and they love it when people see you both together.

Their Sun in your 11th House Synastry

The 11th house is all about networking, dreams, hopes, long term plans, etc. This is the most social house. When someone's Sun falls in your 11th house, you will find that they are present in every one of your social interactions somehow. Sun person will be very popular among your friends and networks. The Sun person will give you a heightened sense of going after what you desire. They will truly be your biggest cheerleader. You will feel like you found you best friend who is with you on every step of the way while you set out to fulfill your hopes and desires. They will help you immensely along the way, perhaps by guiding you with the right steps to take or by introducing you to people who can help you immensely. The Sun person will feel like a beautiful star around your presence because you share with them your plans and hopes. They will feel like you value them a lot because they are like this guiding light in your life. Sun's love language is to include you in their own dreams and plans, to always encourage you and be there for you as a helping hand whenever you aspire for something. You will find a deep sense of fulfillment in this relationship because Sun will help you realise a lot more about your own ideals of life.

Their Sun in your 12th House Synastry

12th house is the most "hidden in plain sight" type of house. Often times the Sun person will express themselves in such subtle ways that will make you wonder if they are really expressing themselves or if it's just you. This relationship is build on very subconscious clues and those unrecognizable signs. The Sun person activates this intuitive side of yours where you can just perceive what's up with them or why they are behaving the way they are. A heightened intuition is a keyword here. The Sun person finds you to be very mysterious, and someone who they cannot really understand just by looking at the surface. The Sun person feels a lot of intense thoughts/emotions whenever you are around. And you feel super attracted to them because they feel like this ball of light that has lit up your darkest house. This person might make you loose your mind upon how intensely obsessed they make you feel with them, and vice versa. There is a sense of very strong connection on the spiritual side, therfore it's also a very karmic house because this type of intense connection will tangle you both very deeply with each other. You will feel like an unexplainable attraction towards them, and you will be fascinated by who they are as a person.

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#natal chart reading #astrology readings #sun in synastry #synastry chart reading #Synastry sun #future spouse #relationship astrology #Synastry love reading #astrology

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thatgirlie-diaries · 6 months

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Academic tips that work for me

Hello girlies! This is a post that I have been delaying for like 2 weeks, but now it's time or me to post it. In this blog I will give you all the things I do to keep myself getting high grades and maintain the "intelligent" persona I have worked for since I started studying my college career and fortunately others see me this way now.

I do not study hevy or know a lot about studying methods, I am more into "smart work > hard work" kind of thing

My personal tips

This are my tips being an auditory person focused on being effortless

Understand your learning style: Are you visual? Auditory? Or kinesthetic? By knowing this you can apply studying methods that are efficient for you.

Pay attention to your classes!: I think the main reason I slay effortlessly my exams is because of this so I only need a quick study. You will be saving future time since your study sessions will be lighter because you will remember lots of the things.

Participate / Ask questions: It's easy, you will get points with your teachers as a great student, plus you will get your questions solved.

Put your on a place you can't see it so it doesn't distract you, for classes or when you need to study / get work done.

Study in a place when you feel comfortable, it can be at an cafe or at the library, even in your bedroom at a desk, what matters is that you feel comfortable and that you get the feel of "this is a place where I can study / do my assignments" and not feel lazy or uncomfortable by "x or y" reason. As a plus, keep your space clean and only with the necessary at sight.

Use music that doesn't distract you and you vibe with: Listen to music that doesn't have lyrics, but that's a basic by now. What I recommend you is to listen to music that you just vibe with to get your desired mood and motivation. In my case, I listen to videogame soundtracks since it makes me feel relaxed or to classical music because I fee like "that business girly", either way music helps me concentrate.

Romanticize your studies: This can mean different things to all of you reading this post, I am talking about making your academic journey fun and pleasing rather than streesing! Some ideas are having cute stationery, take cute notes, act like one of your fav academic characters, have study playlists, drinking coffee, go to the library or to cafes, dress cute for school, read, light candles, watch "study with me" videos and study vlogs, create a pinterest board, stablish academic goals, etc.

Do your homework when you have free time at school / college or do it as a first thing after your schedule, this will help you save time. Think about it, if you do it while having free time at school / college you don't need to do it at home. And if you need to do it at home, if done as the first thing, you will either way get so much free time and can focus on other tasks or activities freely.

Be organized: Have a bullet journal or use an app to keep track of your subjects and assignments. By this you will remember and keep in sight upcoming deadlines and events.

Take care of your academic relationships: I make sure that the people inside my circle of friends are girls (mainly, but boys too) who I feel comfortable, have fun with but also are similar to me in the sense that they take seriously her studies and are good teammates. Outside of them I also focus on other potential classmates that are intelligent and have similar values. There is no need to bother on the ones who don't attend classes, are irresponsable and don't even know what are they doing in the course.

Take care of yourself: Ask yourself? Will it be worth it while not sleeping enough, having a poor diet and exercise? By not letting yourself rest or have fun from time to time? By not practicing self-care? By not practicing any hobby or taking the time for your interests ? Please take care of yourself, girl, this is the lowest part of the pyramid. The reason to care is not only your wellbeing, but also because having a poor lifestyle can have bad effects for you that also affect your performance, and we won't like that.

Now go and slay your academic year / course! 𑄽𑄺ྀ

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heartfullofleeches · 6 months

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Carnis [Yan Experiment] General Hcs

A little post exploring the character of my new love Carnis Warnings for Cannibalism, Self Harm and Murder.

• Carnis is a lab made Human/Cow Hybrid created with regenerative abilities for the purpose of organ harvesting to be used on ill patients and as a source of food for the population. A shy, anxious creature who only wants to be loved. They are one of around a dozen successful experiments and the only S ranking Hybrid with meat a similar quality to prime Angus beef. The project was shut down by higher ups after complications and the still living subjects were to be sold to the highest bidder. Through biting through their chains and the aid of a third party Carnis was able to escape before the auction. They are presumed to be deceased.

• Carnis knows very little about the human world. As they grew, it was imprinted into their impressionable mind that all they are is livestock. Due to this idea, Carnis may grow upset or feel they are worthless if Reader rejects their offers of fresh meat. They both reject the notion all they are is meat, and clings to it as their only way to get what they desire. Carnis believes love to be a reward for them to gain by doing everything in their power to prove their worth from sacrificing their flesh to keeping a tidy house.

• Carnis prefers they/them pronouns, but as long as they are treated well name/pronouns does not matter to them. She/Her and It are the only ones they don't like as the former doesn't feel right and the latter reminds them of their time in the facility.

• When under extreme bouts of stress, Carnis bites/claws at their skin sometimes until they see bone. The easiest way to negate these reactions is by holding their hands or if they are wearing something that belongs to reader as their scent calms them down and they would hate to get their blood on something that belongs to them.

• Carnis is not aggressive by default nor do they typically rely on violence to get their way, but if they see anyone attack Reader in any form they have little control on what their body tells them to do. This can be something as harmless as a friend teasingly pushing them. When enraged, Carnis will not stop until the threat is neutralize or if Reader is able to smooth them in time. Their teeth and nails are their primary weapons which they will use to rip out the jugular and face of their target. Will cry like a baby afterwards and immediately seek Reader for comfort for what they've done

• Carnis has a habit of repeating words they say and parroting what others say as well. This majorly stims from learning most of their vocabulary from researchers and guards they interact with. They have been shunned for this feat in the past and often try to think deeply before they speak with unfamiliar persons, but with Reader they are at their most relaxed and thus their speech is relaxed as well.

Another thing they only allow Reader to do is touch their hair, horns and tail. Their hair is the only thing that doesn't naturally regenerate which leads to them valuing it more than anything below Reader and their horns and tail have just always been a touchy area considering majority of the population don't have either. Playing in their hair or rubbing their horns are sure-fire ways to smooth them or help them fall asleep during restless nights.

• Junk Food and Candy has always been a luxury to them as their former caretakers withheld them a treats for compliance which is why they attempt to woo Reader with both. It is their go to method of cheering reader up when they are down - keeping various candies and treats on them at all times. Their idolization of sweet and treats runs so deep one reason they may fall for Reader is them just giving them a piece of chocolate.

[That's all for now! I'm literally so obsessed with this little sweetie so there will be more]

#yandere oc #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere headcanons #yandere insert #yandere blurb #yandere #Carnis my oc #yandere hcs #yandere hybrid

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elysiansparadise · 2 years

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Juno: Your guide & love story

⚵ Juno [3] is an asteroid that represents marriage and compromise. It’s said to show your soulmate or the person you are meant to be with. Personally I believe that is the person with whom we can have a long term commitment, since it’s the asteroid of commitment after all. It is worth mentioning that having this asteroid in a certain sign will not show you the sign of this special person, rather the characteristics. In this post you will read a short description of that special person, by sign, house and degrees. Likewise, we will explore the meanings of the aspects with some planets, I will also talk about some minor aspects. Entertaining purposes, please enjoy. ⚵

🟫Juno in Aries: Gifted with the most ardent fires, they are characterized by being a passionate person once something catches their attention. They give the impression of being a wandering person, someone who is more ruled by the heart and by his ambitions, someone with a lot of motivation and drive to achieve everything they set out to do. Mind of a champion, attitude of being the best version of themselves and unshakeable self-confidence. They love the idea of dominating, of commanding and leading those they love most to imminent victory. They stand out for being a quick person, of thought and action, they do not waste time second guessing and questioning if that’s what they really want. You stole their attention from the first moment, their intrigue only grew and since they saw your will and your personality they knew you would be the one. They are not into metaphors and hints, they always speak with the truth from the heart, they will never make you doubt, they will dispel your doubts and insecurities speaking from the most direct truth that you have ever been able to hear. But don't let this make you lower your guard, because they will love to surprise you, catch you off guard to make you live the funniest and craziest moments of your life. They will always keep the flame alive, they will feed your curiosity as much as you did with them in the beginning. They will be a warrior willing to fight for you, to defend you from whoever and whatever.

🟤Juno in the 1st house: It is a person very similar to you, it will be someone with whom you will connect quickly because you will quickly see that they have similar tastes, opinions and way of seeing life. It will be a very devoted person to you, and in the same way you towards them, perhaps in such a fast way that you will think that you are rushing. They will be one with the other and will take each other into account when doing something meaningful. They will be someone with a lot of confidence in themselves, they are going to be authentic, independent and with a very well developed sense of identity. They’ll help you to be more real, to love yourself as you are and to show yourself proudly to others.

🤎Juno in 01°, 13°, 25°: They can give you the first impression of being very dominant, bossy and self-confident people. They seem to think and act at the same time, that they have no doubts and that they are quite active. You may be a little intimidated when you first meet them. They give you the impression of being very blunt, you can see the passion through their eyes.

🟫Juno in Taurus: Their stability is something that many envy, but that entire facade was compromised when they met eyes with you. You caught the attention of a person who seems to have everything in life, money, a great job, a good reputation and an attractiveness that makes anyone sigh so that even their breath is able to graze their skin. They overflow sensuality and elegance, and hide a hot and romantic soul behind that serenity. They don't know when they began to wish they could hold you in their arms, protect you from the world and give you everything you need, since you quickly became the only thing they feel they need. And that idea will not be easily erased or diverted from their minds, not even if a family member or close friend does not like you, they are willing to fight against the current and make the greatest investment of their lives to make you as happy as possible. They are a calm and patient person, they will love to listen to you and spend time with you, touch you delicately, treat you with the attention and gifts you didn't know before and give you all the time you need. Respect and loyalty are guaranteed with them. They had always looked for something in the long term, even if their appearance can make you think that they have passed from heart to heart, it is not like that, since they are very selective, they are in relationships only with people with whom something stable augurs for them. You finally came into their life, they knew the wait was worth it.

🟤Juno in the 2nd house: They will be a stable person both economically and in their personality. Likes to be a provider and give you everything you need. Understanding in business, and focused on making a lot of money, they will give you a lot of stability in all areas of your life. They will fill you with gifts and attention. They will be somewhat reserved and want to protect you from anyone. They will be people with a calm and quiet lifestyle, they will want to have a cozy and luxurious home by your side. Things can happen slowly and you could meet them at work or after finding a job. They will trust you a lot and you will give them a sense of peace and relaxation that they have never felt before.

🤎Juno in 02°, 14°, 26°: They can give you rich vibes, of being a classy, elegant person and in general with lineage. You can see them as somewhat premeditated, reserved and careful with what they do and say. You may think that they don't need anything. They will immediately give you vibes that it is a provider person. They are sensual and very attractive to you.

🟫Juno in Gemini: You will see someone peeking out from behind the windows of your eyes, curious and attentive to you. Intrigued by your personality, how you behave and speak. They will be very intelligent people, whom you will not be able to decipher easily, but they will decipher you, and more quickly. Tricks under their sleeve? Yes, they will have many. With a friendly, sociable and communicative personality, do not be surprised to see that they make acquaintances very easily, but do not be confused, because only a few are able to be their close ones, their cunning covers social parameters and you will notice that it is easy to them to, behind those jokes and good treatment of people have an ability to read what is behind them. Full of charm, they will love to tease you, joke with you and provoke as many emotions as possible in you. Soon they will be surprised, because they see in you someone different from the others. And without having suspected it, you have deciphered something that they never expected, the key to their heart. They will leave this playful, mischievous and joker facade only to show you the deeper one. You will become their favorite person in the world, someone they love to spend every day with, someone they want to be around. Unexpected calls, messages, they are going to show you that they want to keep you in their life. They want to make your life something zero monotonous, something entertaining and maybe, just maybe ask you to let them hold your hand until eternity. Be one with their favorite person in the whole world.

🟤Juno in the 3rd house: They will be very curious and love the idea of learning, traveling and connecting with people. They may be very intrigued by you. For them it will be very important to maintain a constant and fun communication with you, they will be afraid of boring you and will do everything to surprise you. They will talk a lot about you, as much as you about them and they will always be in each other's minds. You can start spending time together on an extended basis faster than with other people from your past. They will be very witty, joking and intelligent people. They will love to win you over and can be very verbal with their feelings, but they will always keep the emotion going.

🤎Juno in 03°, 15°, 27°: They give you vibes of being a somewhat chaotic person, full of charisma and a very strong social charm, however they also make you think that very few people know them seriously. You may think that they talk a lot or that what they say is very interesting. You may think that they are intriguing and that there is some mystery to them.

🟫Juno in Cancer: Every time you enter the room their heart jumps with excitement, the nerves consume them and they get a little nervous. They can't help but worry about you, want you to always have what you need and try to make you happy every moment. They feel a strong dedication towards you, a desire to take care of you at all times and make it very clear that you can count on them, that by your side you will always have them ready to take care of those emotions in which they only find beauty. They will love to look at you and their gaze may scream at you how crazy you make them. They will be very open with their emotions and will create a calm and comforting atmosphere for you in which both of you can share your deepest and most complex emotions. They will listen to you carefully before even getting upset, they will feel an enormous affinity and emotional connection with you. Their hearts will scream at them to take the step, and it will want to confess everything they feel. They will make you feel like a child again, they will win your heart much faster than the rest and there will be a strong trust between you and them. They will give you all their support and will always be there to encourage you, take care of you, hug you and love you unconditionally. They will perfectly understand your emotions and will be your comfort place in case things do not go as you expect. They will want to form a home with you, they will be clear about it long before you. They want a lovely home, children, or lots of lovely pets.

🟤Juno in the 4th house: With this person you will feel that you can be that version of yourself that nobody sees or the one that you do not easily trust people. They will be a very intuitive, attentive and caring person, being with them will feel like finally finding your home, someone who understands you perfectly and loves every side of you. They will be very sensitive, private, loving and caring of you. They may be family-oriented people, attach great importance to their family or to the idea of starting a family with you. They will feel that they have known you for a long time and you will feel the same. They can be a very traditional person when it comes to having a relationship and committing.

🤎Juno in 04°, 16°, 28°: You may have them in mind even after you have met them, they will stay there for a long time. They will give you the impression of being an attentive, sweet person and an old-fashioned gentleman/damsel. You will see in them a charming and caring person. They will give you the impression of being emotionally very stable.

🟫Juno in Leo: They will not be able to take their eyes off you, they see a radiant glow in you, something that leaves them stunned and although they do not want to admit it, it makes them a little nervous. They hide these nerves very well, as they want to show you how daring and confident they are. People are easily drawn to them, because they are quite charismatic, funny and have a big heart. People usually admire them for how skilled they are in a certain hobby or for their social skills. Others will admire them but they will admire you, they will see in you the brightest star in the cosmos and they want to fill your life with more light and happiness. They want to be your strong partner that you can rely on, with whom you feel protected and by whom you always feel supported. They will be your biggest fans and you will be their biggest fan. They will love to show you off to people, talk a lot about you and will always let you know how proud they are of you. They will be passionate, romantic and love to give you lots of compliments. Their loyalty will be something you will notice quickly, they do not want to disappoint you in any way, they want to show you that they are the best version of themselves and that they want to keep improving to make you happier. They will be a king/queen and they will see in you the perfect partner, someone to love madly and admire a lot. They will love to surprise you and tell you behind all those jokes, how crucial it is to have you in their life. They are going to adore you more than you can imagine.

🟤Juno in the 5th house: They stand out in their field, can be well known and loved by many people. They’re admired by many due to their talents and abilities. They are fun people who are not afraid to take risks to follow what they are passionate about. Despite their powerful and charismatic appearance, they are very romantic and thoughtful people in love. They will inspire you as much as you inspire them, you will be their muse and will make your life more exciting and entertaining. Will love to make you laugh and make you feel the most loved and desired person in the world. They will shower you with compliments so much to the point that you will blush. They aren’t afraid to take the first step.

🤎Juno in 05°, 17°, 29°: You will see in them a talented, charismatic and socially skilled person. Their charm will catch you and you may like their smile a lot. You will see them as a very funny and fascinating person, someone authentic and very creative. You will see them as someone very attractive, daring and without fear of approaching you.

🟫Juno in Virgo: They will find themselves thinking of you, it will be something usual now, part of their routine. It will be easy for them to remember your details, your perfume, your phrases, your occurrences and your oddities. They look cute to them. They do not want life to be complicated for you, because you make them see life with better eyes, you add shine to their days. They see in you a constant and reliable person, and they want you to see in them the same. They will seek to let you know that you can trust them, that they can advise you and that they want only the best for you. They will be very serious on the outside, but even you will be surprised by how crazy and funny they can be, especially if you are in the room. They were so used to loneliness, but now that time alone, they prefer to split it in half to spend it with you. They enjoy the little things with you, being by your side watching a movie, sleeping by your side, holding your hand. They see it as something valuable. They want to work hard to make you feel proud, to make you feel that you chose the right person, because after thinking about it and spending a lot of time with you, they know for sure that you are their person. And do not think that once they have you by their side they will leave the details, they will fight daily to keep your love. They may not be the most verbal about it, but they will love to let you know with actions. They will communicate with you always, they will know how to listen to you like no one else.

🟤Juno in the 6th house: They are very hardworking and devoted people with what they have a purpose for. They can be waiting for something exciting to happen in their lives and you will be that spark that motivates them to go out and be the freest version of them. They work hard for what they want. They will seek to help you in everything you need, you will be their weak point and sometimes it will seem difficult for them to refuse when it comes to you. They feel a deep devotion towards you. With them your life will have more peace and stability and their lives with you will be filled with light and joy. They will guide you and celebrate your achievements as their own. It will let you know that you will always count on them.

🤎Juno in 06°, 18°: You will be struck by how much they take care of their hygiene and appearance, they will make a very good first impression on you. You would think that they are very reserved and mysterious, as well as hardworking and constant. Their responsibility will make you admire them. You will see them as an independent person and willing to help anyone.

🟫Juno in Libra: Meeting them will feel like a caress from the universe as it says, "I heard you." Their sweetness and attention will fill you with happiness and emotion that will make you wake up motivated every day. They will treat you with a delicacy that will soften your heart, they will be attentive and interested in you. You can see them as a wonderful person, but they will see in you other levels of charm. Endowed with a fairly huge charm and attractiveness, a willingness to treat all people fairly and a heart of gold willing to give you all of themselves. They will have a balance between mind and heart, they will seek to understand you and they will hate fighting with you. It is very likely that you make them want the best version of themselves. Romantic and detailed, they will make you try different forms of their love, but always a stable love that you can trust. You will make them a little nervous even if they don't seem it, you will have them wondering what will be the perfect moment to tell you that they want a life with you, by your side, that they see themselves pampering you, loving you unconditionally and letting you lay your head on their shoulder. They will give you the most honest and devoted proof of love that you could ever have. Their life and yours may have been upside down at a certain point, both of you will feel that after meeting each other, there is a balance and a light of hope. It will feel like that breath you finally take after you've felt yourself sinking.

🟤Juno in the 7th house: They will seem to be the partner you always asked for and wanted. Although at first you see many differences, both ta like ying and tang will complement each other and form the strongest and most dedicated duo. You will be one with them. They will love every corner of your body and every facet of your personality, they will treat you as you always wanted to be treated and you will see in them the love of your life. They will love spending time together and many would say that they are hardly apart from each other. They will take you into account and seek to quickly include you in their lives. Loving and very romantic with you, even if they seem very distant to others.

🤎Juno in 07°, 19°: Their appearance, friendliness and way of dressing will catch your eye. They will give you the impression of being your type from the beginning. They will be balanced, polite and very loving. They can be very affectionate with you from the beginning. You may think that they are a very dual person that knows how to connect with many different people.

🟫Juno in Scorpio: At first they won't understand... Why do they suddenly want to connect with you? Why so fast? Many questions will run through their minds. You intrigue and excite them like no one has ever been able to. They can't get you out of their mind, even on the nights when they are most tired, they will feel an immediate fascination and intrigue towards you. They want to meet you all. head to toe They will not like to see that another person tries to reach your soul, that will make them somewhat competitive, which will disconcert them more. They don't know how but they will love you intensely, with devotion and throughout their lives. They will not hesitate to give everything for you. They have a hard time trusting other people, opening up and feeling interested in someone else, precisely for that reason you are someone valuable to them, they see in you a person with nuances, complex and very interesting. They want to see you, complete, not only your body, but also your soul, they want to read you, they want to explore you, your light sides, your dark sides. Love has not been an easy field for them, but when they meet you, they will know that they want to try and give absolutely everything. Without fear of losing, without fear of falling. They will be very passionate, deep and emotional. At the beginning, the biggest mystery of your life. In the end who provokes the most intense feelings in you on such a level that no one else has been close to, that would give you the certainty to stay.

🟤Juno in the 8th house: They will bring many changes to each other's lives and after meeting they will change a lot, especially them. You will meet them after a facet of your life changes [when you move, get a job, after a death, etc]. The attraction will be immediate, but both will be cautious about it. They may have a problem opening up, but once they get close there's nothing they won't talk to you about. You will provoke in them so many emotions that they will not know how it is possible. They will love you with such intensity with which they have never loved anyone. They will seek to bond emotionally and spiritually with you. They can be somewhat jealous and protective of you.

🤎Juno in 08°, 20°: They will give you the impression of being very attractive, observant, reserved and somewhat intense. You will feel intrigued by them quickly and you will not be able to take your eyes off them, they will like that because they will be the same. They give you the impression that they are hiding something or at least one side of them.

🟫Juno in Sagittarius: Life didn't used to have so much color before... well, they already saw it with good eyes, with enthusiasm and desire to explore it, but they never thought of vacating the passenger seat until you arrived. There is something about you that adds excitement and a unique touch to their lives. They are very nice people in the eyes of others, fun and adaptable to life situations. They stand out for their intellect and extensive knowledge of complex things, a desire to explore and discover new places invades them, as well as a curiosity to know everything that they are passionate about and everything about you that seems new to them. They are very wise people who know how to have fun and make you a happy person, they take being in good times and bad times very seriously. They come from distant lands and never thought they would be so fascinated with someone who comes from many kilometers away, they will not be afraid to settle down by your side, because you satisfy them in every way. They will give you your space even if that indicates missing you a little, they easily adapt to what you want but they will make it clear to you what they also want. They will joke with you until dawn, they will share stories, dreams, ideas and experiences, they will love to explore every corner of your mind and every pore of your body. You make them feel like the luckiest person on the planet every time they look into your eyes, the sparkle in your eyes inspires them and your smile gives them the greatest comfort and joy in the world. They love having found you among so many people in the world.

🟤Juno in the 9th house: Being with this person can bring you many changes and rethinking the kind of life you lead and want to lead. You can meet them during college, a trip. They can be people who like to travel or they can even be from another continent, country or city than you. They are people older than you but jovial in appearance. They radiate a lot of positivity and have a lot of knowledge and wisdom. You can feel a very deep and spiritual connection with them. This person is curious and funny and likes to. They will teach you many things, they will give you your space and make your married life interesting. They will seek to fill you with positive & new experiences and a lot of happiness.

🤎Juno in 09°, 21°: You can like them very well from the beginning. You will think that they are funny and very intelligent at the same time. May give you the impression of being a very deep person, someone who sees things in a unique way. You will see them as someone who can teach you many things, who can guide you and who will always be there to make you feel happy.

🟫Juno in Capricorn: There are very few things that catch their attention or make them reconsider their priorities, but they just can't stop thinking about you. Despite taking their time to make things happen between the two of them, they are clear that they want something with you, that you are what they want and they know perfectly well that they will fight hard for things to happen between you. Older than you, in age or maturity, they will be very patient and love to shower you with gifts and attention. They are not the most verbal but they will show you with facts. They will take their promises seriously and will hate to disappoint you. They are people who project a lot of power and ambition, want to go far and stand out for being very productive. They will take you seriously and want to be taken seriously, they don't waste time and they see in you a valuable way to use it. They are people who do not commit quickly, they take their time and it is very likely that they have had few formal/serious relationships. They will work very hard to give you a life full of comforts, that you do not lack anything and guide you in anything you need. They won't let you do all the work, in fact it's more likely that they'd rather do all the work, anyway, they'll be a team to them. They don't want you to stress, they just want you to enjoy and have a good time. Despite this, they admire your will and how hard you work. They will be very proud of you and they will show it to you.

🟤Juno in the 10th house: Professional people, well recognized and highly respected, their priority before meeting you will be work and doing something productive. They will seek to constantly improve the relationship. They will admire you a lot and put you on a pedestal, fill you with love through gifts and spending time with you. They may be somewhat reserved at first, but you and others will have no doubt how much they love you. They can be people in a position of power or people at a very high point in their lives. You will meet them at work, after getting a job or thanks to work [for some it may be their boss]. They will be very committed and will take the relationship seriously from the beginning.

🤎Juno in 10°, 22°: Will give you the impression of being older than you, more mature or at least more stable. You can think that they are serious, that they are focused and that they don’t waste time with silly things. Both [you and them] may be looking for something serious from the start, they will take their time to see if they can open up, so you may perceive them as reserved.

🟫Juno in Aquarius: You came into contact with the forbidden fruit, the one that provokes in you the most complex sensation of all, love. In a way so unique that none of the others made you simultaneously touch the pinnacle of paradise nor the most fiery depths of the mystery that succumbs in the catacombs. They give you the feeling of freedom, that feeling that someone finally loves every pore of your skin, every side of your personality, even what you rarely show. They love your complexity and do their best to understand you and be on par with you. Don't be surprised to see them become interested in trying something new just because you like it or because it's something you're passionate about. They will seek to connect with you through everything that differentiates them from you. They are sociable, independent, somewhat rebellious and innovative, they are not afraid to question the past and expand your mind by showing you everything you don't know. Their carefree and indifferent appearance can confuse you, but the reality is that they carry with them an intensity that they do not usually feel for anyone. They are a fixed sign after all. Taking this into consideration, you will see in them an iron loyalty. They are people who do not commit to what is not worth it, but once they do, they can be very steady. They will love the idea of being with you, because you don't control them, you love them with the same madness with which they love you.

🟤Juno in the 11th house: They will be a very different person from you, but they will share many opinions, aspirations and dreams. It will be someone who will encourage you to fight for what is most valuable to you, they will inspire you a lot to be authentic, because they will love everything about you, including your rarities. You could meet through mutual friends, on the internet, while traveling or after making a change. They will be lighthearted and highly intelligent people. They are an independent person, but despite that they form friendships quite easily or at least like others easily. For them both are important and there will be no dominant role in the relationship, they will let you be you and won’t impose things on you.

🤎 Juno in 11°, 23°: You may think that there is something weird about them, but that will make you feel more drawn to them. They are a type of person that you have not met before, it will be very different from all the people you have met. They’ll give you the impression of being somewhat indifferent and independent. Friendship can happen very quickly between you.

🟫Juno in Pisces: Their mood changes completely once they have the opportunity to interact with you, being with you makes them feel calm and you are their greatest inspiration. They are very intuitive people who seem to detect when you feel bad, they will seek to help you in everything they can and heal and take care of your heart. They will feel an instant connection with you, but the intensity will be such that they won't know what step to take. They will be fascinated by your appearance, your personality and how you make them feel. They will be very sensitive and expressive with you and will be willing to sacrifice many things for you and your well-being. They'll smile if you smile, they'll cry if you cry, they seem too connected. They both know what the other is going through and seem to be the person who knows the other best. You can spend hours and hours talking with them about so many things that cross your mind, they will listen carefully and even enjoy spending a moment with you even if it is in silence. Regardless of their personality traits, they will become dreamers, idealists, and hopeless romantics in their relationship with you. They will give you complete freedom and will be there for you every step of the way, holding your hand and telling you that everything will be alright. Your presence can be comforting to each other. You will be their dream come true, they will be your miracle, both will believe that everything is possible with the other.

🟤Juno in the 12th house: Tendency to introversion and to keep a lot for themselves, they are not very open with other people, but they will be an open book for you. Both will read behind each other's thoughts and emotions. They will feel a very strong and special connection with you, they may be afraid to open up with someone again so they will do it step by step. They seek to help you in everything they can, heal your wounds and help you love those sides of you that you don't want to see. They will be very devoted to you and will give everything with intensity. It’s likely that you dream of each other even before you meet. Their love is long-lasting and you can feel that you know them from before/other lives.

🤎Juno in 12°, 24°: You may get the first impression that they are from another planet, that they are in their own world and that there is some mystery surrounding them. You would think that they are complex, empathic and very fascinating. Their beauty may be something you have not seen before. They will be kind and delicate with you, they will seek to connect with you in a genuine way.

🤎Juno in the 00°: This person will give you the impression of being the epitome of what you have always wanted. You will feel deep inside that they are the right person and both can find themselves thinking a lot about the other. They will be a committed person who will know exactly what they want from this connection, they will be clear with their intentions, they will not send you mixed signs. They will be charming people who will make a great impression on everyone.

⚵ Over here we are going to talk about their personality and traits [both positive and negative]. Since this is an asteroid, the orb of aspects is not wide, nevertheless is not too tight since it is one of the main asteroids. In this case the orb of aspect is from 0° to 4°. It applies to conjunction, trine, sextile, square and opposition. I decided to separate the positive aspects and the quintiles and biquintiles because the latter show the talents of this person. ⚵

🟫Positive aspects with Sun [Conjunction, Trine, Sextile]: They will be charismatic, funny and charming. When you meet them, it will be clear to both you and them that you want to commit. They are very devoted. They will be a warm person who will fill your life with much joy and happiness. They are people with a lot of will, sense of humor. They know perfectly well who they are and are usually very sure of themselves. Very noble, they will seek to share a lot with you. You can be similar to them in many ways.

🟤Tense aspects with Sun [Square, Opposition, Semi-square, Sesquiquadrate]: They are people who do not want to depend on anything or anyone, they could seem very closed to the idea of love and commitment at first. They can give the impression of being somewhat sassy, bossy or arrogant. They are more likely to be on the introverted side. They struggle to show themselves as they really are, because it takes time to trust them to do so.

🤎Quintile or Biquintile Sun: Incredible leaders that know how to command. They also have a talent for expressing themselves in a unique and charming way. May have talent for acting or public speech, excel in activities that allow them to be noticed.

🟫Positive aspects with Moon [Conjunction, Trine, Sextile]: They are emotional and warm people, although a bit reserved with this side of their personality. They protect and delicately care for what matters to them. They are in touch with their emotions and usually express them in a healthy way [especially trine and sextile]. They have an excellent memory and enjoy having lots of details with those they love. They are sincere and share with you their memories, memories and experiences. They are very creative.

🟤Tense aspects with Moon [Square, Opposition, Semi-square, Sesquiquadrate]: They have trouble opening up to people, especially emotionally. They seem to be much more rational than emotional and tend to try very hard to control their own emotions. They are not very gentle with themselves. They are not very verbal with their displays of affection, it is difficult for them to feel close to people.

🤎Quintile or Biquintile Moon: Don't be surprised if they're good at home and family, home repairs, cooking, or even parenting. They have a natural ability to read behind your emotions and can have unique ways of comforting you. Great advisers and quite creative people.

🟫Positive aspects with Mercury [Conjunction, Trine, Sextile]: They will be a very communicative person, they will seek to talk to you constantly and their talks will be fluid and fun. They are very curious people who will love to learn more and more about life, more and more about you. They will feel that they connect a lot on an intellectual level. They will be rational and very practical, as well as clever and fun. They will have a lot of knowledge in various things. You can talk about everything with them.

🟤Tense aspects with Mercury [Square, Opposition, Semi-square, Sesquiquadrate]: They can be very nervous people, their mind can be their worst enemy. They have difficulty communicating or at least initially, they do not easily share what they think. They prefer to listen rather than speak. May be a bit moody. They overthink constantly. May get distracted pretty easily. They question their ability as a partner a lot even if you are happy with them.

🤎Quintile or Biquintile Mercury: Excellent and talented communicators, both verbally and in writing, they move you with their words. Smart and quick learners. They easily connect with others. Ability to strike up a conversation with anyone.

🟫Positive aspects with Venus [Conjunction, Trine, Sextile]: They are very attractive, graceful and charming people in the eyes of others. They always try to be friendly. No matter how serious they look, they are very loving and romantic, somewhat hopeless romantic in fact. They dress very well and take care of their appearance. They love unconditionally and devotedly. They seek to marry for love, a love that makes them jump with happiness and makes them very excited. They are very detailed and splendid as partners.

🟤Tense aspects with Venus [Square, Opposition, Semi-square, Sesquiquadrate]: They may have trouble feeling attractive or desired. May have issues related to love, such as mistrust or fear of being cheated on. Sometimes they may feel that they do not deserve some tokens of love. They constantly criticize themselves. They set very high expectations of themselves, and people often do too.

🤎Quintile or Biquintile Venus: Possible talent for the arts, a great eye for detail and design, very good taste. Ease to be liked by other people and stand out for their charm and good manners. Talent for finances and as administrators.

🟫Positive aspects with Mars [Conjunction, Trine, Sextile]: It is very likely that they like to take the first step and with you it will not be the exception. They are people with a lot of confidence in themselves, they are not afraid to take risks if they consider it worth it. Courage defines them perfectly as well as courage, they will always defend what they love. They are very active and have a dynamic and busy lifestyle. They are very spontaneous with their displays of affection and it's worth mentioning how passionate they are.

🟤Tense aspects with Mars [Conjunction (yes, it’s neutral so it may apply in here too), Square, Opposition, Semi-square, Sesquiquadrate]: They tend to be constantly defensive, have a hot temper and can be a bit impatient [on a lesser extent if it is an earth sign]. They have a strong desire for independence and hate the idea of asking for help. They may have had problems working as a team. They are very active and it bothers them to feel unproductive.

🤎Quintile or Biquintile Mars: A like and talent in some sport because they are competitive and active people. Talent as leaders, they know how to make decisions quickly and effectively. They are very skilled in practical things and have quick reflexes.

🟫Positive aspects with Jupiter [Conjunction, Trine, Sextile]: They radiate a lot of good vibes, they are quite wise and positive people. They enjoy advising and making happy those they appreciate the most. They will love to travel and see new places by your side, they will be travel companions and can greatly expand your mind. They will be an optimistic person who will motivate you when you feel low. Both of you will feel much happier, more optimistic and positive after getting married, you may even feel luckier in other areas of your life.

🟤Tense aspects with Jupiter [Square, Opposition, Semi-square, Sesquiquadrate]: They will be people very different from you in terms of personality, beliefs or lifestyle, but they will respect the differences. They have a great need for independence. They can be either very optimistic or very pessimistic.

🤎Quintile or Biquintile Jupiter: Easy to learn other languages or about other cultures. Extensive knowledge and intelligence. An excellent sense of humor that easily adapts to that of others without losing its essence. Talent for teaching.

🟫Positive aspects with Saturn [Conjunction, Trine, Sextile]: They will provide you with a lot of stability, they will be very committed and devoted to the marriage, they will take it seriously and seek constant improvement in the relationship. They will enjoy spending time with you and your relationship will become their highest priority. They will be someone very hardworking and skillful in their work. They are very organizers and planners, they don't want you to worry about anything. You can always rely on them.

🟤Tense aspects with Saturn [Conjunction (yes, it’s neutral so it may apply in here too), Square, Opposition, Semi-square, Sesquiquadrate]: You can get married late or after the return of your Saturn. They are very self-critical people and somewhat workaholics too. Prone to stress easily and may not see things with the most positive eyes. They work very hard but tend to doubt their abilities, are quite secretive and do not allow themselves to be vulnerable.

🤎Quintile or Biquintile Saturn: Extensive knowledge in real life issues (business, economics or politics). Great organizers, talent to plan and carry things out due to their patience and perseverance. Excellent leaders and bosses.

🟫Positive aspects with Uranus [Trine, Sextile]: You will meet them when you least expect it and they will change your life for the better. They will be very independent, social and original people, they can be a bit eccentric but that is what gives them a charismatic touch. They are very spontaneous people who think about a future with you, they are excited about how things can progress with you. The opinion of others does not matter to them. They prefer to be authentic and do things their way.

🟤Tense aspects with Uranus [Conjunction, Square, Opposition, Semi-square, Sesquiquadrate]: They may feel that they don't connect with others easily, as an outsider, as someone who is constantly ostracized or pushed away. They prefer to be on their own. They are a bit nervous, they think a lot about the future and they can worry a lot about it.

🤎Quintile or Biquintile Uranus: They have original ideas. Great sense of humor accompanied by a great intellect. Easy to make friends. Good for computer science, photography or science. Could have a unique ability [i.e. see or hear better than average].

🟫Positive aspects with Neptune [Conjunction, Trine, Sextile]: They will be an altruistic person who will help those who need it most. You can feel with them a great spiritual connection, a very deep one. They will be very compassionate and healing for you, they can help you in many areas of your life in a selfless way. They will see much for your emotional and spiritual happiness. They are sensitive and kind to people. There is a mutual admiration and charm for each other, you can sacrifice a lot for each other.

🟤Tense aspects with Neptune [Conjunction (yes, it’s neutral so it may apply in here too), Square, Opposition, Semi-square, Sesquiquadrate]: They are very hesitant about the idea of commitment, they feel that they will not be able to find someone who wants to connect in the same way that they do. They are people who idealize a lot when they are in love and give everything madly, that's why they fear. They don't see the flaws in the people they love.

🤎Quintile or Biquintile Neptune: Artistic talents [especially for music and painting/drawing or esoteric talents are very likely, strong intuition. Prediction. Talented for swimming or practicing activities in the water. Healers and wise counselors.

🟫Positive aspects with Pluto [Trine, Sextile]: Loyalty is everything to them, they take marriage seriously and don't commit unless they know they want to do things right. They are very honest and do not keep secrets from their partner. Marriage will make them feel powerful and very different, they will be a new and improved version of them, just like you. They are very intense with what they feel and very reserved with what happens within their relationship, for them there is only you and them.

🟤Tense aspects with Pluto [Conjunction, Square, Opposition, Semi-square, Sesquiquadrate]: They have a strong desire to connect deeply with someone, but are afraid to open up and be violated. They could have been betrayed. They are very suspicious of the intentions of others. They may be somewhat jealous and fear being abandoned, cheated on, or mistreated.

🤎Quintile or Biquintile Pluto: They have talent and skills to lead, work under pressure and withstand crisis. They are decisive. They have a strong intuition and seem like real lie detectors. Great capacities of observation and analysis.

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writingquestionsanswered · 4 months

Note

this is, in my opinion, a heavy question, and i understand if you won’t answer.

how do i know if a very loaded, traumatic scene is correct for the overall story? where does the line between ‘trauma for the sake of trauma’ and a traumatic event that is needed to effect a character a certain way and to convey a message fall?

Knowing When a Traumatic Scene is Gratuitous

"Where does the line between ‘trauma for the sake of trauma’ and a traumatic event that is needed to effect a character a certain way and to convey a message fall?"

You answered your own question, actually.

Does the traumatic event affect the character in an important way? Does the traumatic event help to convey your story's theme or message? If the answer to one or both of those questions is "yes," it probably isn't gratuitous.

Another good way to tell is ask yourself, "Would the plot still make sense if the traumatic event is removed?" If the answer is "no," it's not gratuitous.

If you're still not sure, I think it's worth doing a little brain dump deep thought and really analyzing your answers. Why did you choose to write this scene? What does the scene make you feel and why? What do you want it to make the reader feel and why? If you find yourself struggling to answer these questions, you may have written the scene for the wrong reasons. Or, if your answers anything like: because it was fun to write, because I enjoy hurting this character, because I needed some drama, because I wasn't sure what else to write... these are all signs the scene is gratuitous. Additional questions: What are some of the things this scene accomplishes in the story? Are there other ways these same things can be accomplished? If you have trouble listing things that the scene accomplishes, that's a red flag. If you can list list things the scene accomplishes but can also list alternatives, that's also a red flag.

Finally, think about why you feel like you're the best person to write about and explore this particular kind of trauma. Is it something you have personal experience with? Have you had a different but similar experience that you feel offers an interesting and helpful view of this particular trauma? Do you feel that your exploration says something about the trauma that will benefit people who have been through it, and/or help those who haven't to understand it better? If you're not writing from a place of experience or similar experience, have you done a lot of research to make sure your portrayal is authentic and not harmful? Have you enlisted the help of a knowledgeable sensitivity reader who can vet your portrayal?

I hope that helps!

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pitchsidestories · 3 months

Text

Nothing's New II Jill Roord x Reader

masterlist I word count: 2216

warnings: mentioning of ACL injuries, hurt, comfort

a/n: as always this is just fiction. Your feedback is always appreciated, based off this request.

When the diagnosis arrived, you were horrified. The three bad letters no football player ever wants to hear. An ACL rupture. The same injury you sustained just a few weeks ago.

Since you already had your surgery done and were no longer on crutches, you took it upon yourself to take care of your injured girlfriend like she did for you. You set a tea cup down on the coffee table in your living room and gave Jill another pillow so she could be as comfortable as possible as she rested her knee on the sofa.

“Okay, are you comfy and ready, Jill?“, you asked gently. Jill just nodded once; “Yes…“ Carefully, you sat down next to her and took her phone in your hand. You started scrolling through all the unread messages she had gotten since the diagnosis. Touched by all the kind words, you started to smile as you read the first few messages to her; “Alright, Viv says you got this.“

“Of course, she did…“, Jill sighed, hinting at the fact that her team mate in the dutch national team was already back playing. “And she’ll be there when you need to talk or just want to have a good cry.“, you continued in hopes that this would cheer your girlfriend up. Jill just pressed her lips together to a straight line; “Thats’s sweet.“ “I agree. Do you want a break or hear from another person who reached out?“

To your surprise, she nodded in your direction for you to continue; “No, keep going.“ “Shanice wants to remind you that she’ll be always there for you and you’re going to win this battle. And she ended on that she loves you, Jilly.“, you read the next post. Finally, a smile tugged on the corners of her mouth; “That’s so Shanice.“

“Agreed. On the photo she has a camera in her hand. I guess it’s worth to remember that the next months are still worth capturing in photos. The beautiful and the ugly.“, you gently reminded her. Jill shrugged, not excited to talk about her hobby; “We’ll see about that.“ You reached out, placing a hand on top of your girlfriends; “At least you said something similar to me… almost a month ago.“

The dutch football player locked eyes with you and admitted; “Sorry, I was underestimating how different it feels when it actually happens to yourself.“ “It’s okay, really. I just wish you didn’t have to go through it as well.“, you replied unhappily.

Softly, Jill rubbed circles on the back of your hand with her thumb; “At least we’re going through it together I guess.“ “That’s true.“, you agreed, while your girlfriend took the phone from you with her other hand. Placing it next to her, she decided; “I think that’s enough for now.“

“Okay.”, you agreed quietly. The forward placed a soft kiss on the top of your head: ”Thanks.” “You’re welcome.”, you mumbled leaning against her upper body as she wrapped her arms around you, trying to comfort you both.

She took a deep breath before trying to articulate how the messages affected her:” It was sweet of them but..” “But it’s all too much at the moment, right?”, you ended her sentence in an understanding tone. Exasperated Jill went through her hair with her free hand: “ I don’t like to be pitied.” “Did you pity me?”, you asked her cautiously.

Looking down at her fingers the Dutch woman admitted:” A bit.” “See?”, you looked up to her, her looking so miserable made your heart break again. Slowly she tried to explain herself: “I mean it’s like the injury that every female football player is scared of.”

These words ignited a fire in your stomach which made you jump off the sofa:” Yes, and still, no one seems to care about that!” “The players and the fans care.”, your girlfriend disagreed. Her response didn’t seem to calm you down it only made you more furious with what was currently happening:” That’s nice but it doesn’t stop them from happening, right? Don’t misunderstand me, the support from their side is great but it needs to be more researched when it has been in the past!”

“You’re expecting too much. We’ve just won the fans over for our sport. Until medical departments and brands will acknowledge it, it might take a long time.”, your girlfriend reminded you. “And so many things have changed since we started playing football professionally for club and country.” “Yes, in good and in bad ways.”, Jill commented cooly.

Hearing that you couldn’t help to remark bitterly:” True like with the club world cup? Is it something we really needed? More games and less downtime? We see it even the men do their ACLs more recently and that might be because they play too much aswell.” “It’s because they try to commercialize everything. FIFA and UEFA only care about the money they can make with us.”, the blonde scoffed.

In frustration you shook your head:” But we’re humans not machines!” “Looks like they think differently.”, Jill pointed out cynical. More hopeful you continued:” But the protest is rising so maybe things will change for the better.” “Doesn’t help us right now anyway.”, the forward whispered, an amused smile was playing on her lips.

Irritated you observed that change in her face:” Exactly why are you smiling now?” “It’s just how can be such a small person be so full of rage?”, she shrugged with her shoulders. Promptly you protested:” I’m not small.” “Yes, you’re.”, Jill teased you, the grin on her face deepened by your immediate reaction.

Pouting you replied:” No, you’re just tall.” “I’m not that tall.”, the fellow football player answered while thinking about her height compared to Bunny’s. Her remark made you roll your eyes:” Sure, love.”

“Not my fault that you’re tiny.“, Jill shrugged, unimpressed. You shook your head with a slight smile; “Rude. But whatever makes you smile I guess.“ “Doesn’t matter anyway. We both tore our ACLs independent of our heights.“, your girlfriend commented with a nod towards your knee.

You suddenly remembered a text message you got earlier that day and swiftly changed the topic; “Alex asked earlier today if we want to travel with the team to the Tottenham game. What do you think?“ Jill took a few seconds to contemplate your suggestion, before slowly nodding: “We could at least support the girls, right?“ “Yes, definitely.“, you agreed, trying to keep the excitement out of your voice. “Yeah, we’ll go.“, Jill said decidedly. You smiled; “Alright. I’ll tell Alex tomorrow.”

Just a few days later, you both were seated in Tottenhams stadium on Brisbane Road. Right before their warm-up, your teammates came over to say hello. Alex Greenwood pulled you both into a quick hug; “Hi girls.“ “Hello, Al.“, you smiled warmly at your captain. “How are my left and right ACLs?“, she grinned, pointing towards Jills knee brace.

“We’re okay. Weirdly, that little one is not as furious in front of her team mates like she was before.“, she replied with a laugh. Alex raised her perfectly done eyebrows; “Oh, was she?“ You grimaced; “Please, Jilly!“ Your girlfriend deliberately ignored you and continued; “She was really upset about the situation surrounding ACLs.“ “It’s understandable though…“, Leila Ouahabi joined the conversation. “Thanks, Leila.“, you smiled.

With curiosity, Alex turned back towards you; “Have you thought about using that anger for something?“ “Actually, I did. I’m going to do an interview about it next week.“, you admitted, your cheeks blushing slightly. Your girlfriend shrugged next to you; “Couldn’t stop her from doing that.“ “That actually sounds like a good idea.“, Kerstin Casparij agreed enthusiastically.

Esme also chimed in with her soft voice; “I agree. The more players say something, the more likely things are going to change.“ “Yes, Leah talked to the Telegraph not long ago�� the more voices, the better.“, Lauren Hemp added. Laura Coombs tried to lighten up the mood by ellbowing Lauren in the side; “I’m surprised that you even remember that I sent you that article.“ “They are mean to me, y/n…“,

Lauren pouted with big innocent eyes. “No, Coombsy is actually proud of you, Hempo.“, you tried to mediate the dispute. Laura laughed; “I am!“ “Oh, okay.“, Hempo said, still looking warily at her team mate. “It’s an important topic and we have to stick together.“, Laura concluded. You nodded; “Exactly.“ Your conversation was interrupted by Alex clapping her hands; “But now we’ve got to play, girls.“ “Good luck, girls. We’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines.“, you called after them as the group of football player started to disperse.

Gratefully Lauren turned around to look at you: Thanks.” “We’ll win this for you guys.”, Kerstin promised you and Jill. Cheerfully Esme added: “Oh yes.” “Just go play.”, your girlfriend chuckled. In her captain mode Alex wrapped her arms around the two younger players: “Okay, that’s enough girls, you should listen to Jilly.” “Yes, mum.”, Lauren rolled her eyes.

The game started and as you and the tall blonde took your seats your heart sank at the sight of your teammates playing:” I missed them.” “The girls?”, she asked with a sad feeling. You could sense that she went through the same mixed feeling watching the match unfold in front of your eyes. Quietly you replied:“Yes.” “I know they’re the sweetest.”, Jill admitted.

Hearing her saying that you began to ramble: “They are. I’m glad you joined City in the summer even though I know you wanted to go to Barcelona.” “I mean everyone wants to play for the best club, right? But I’m not sure I would have felt as loved there as I do here.”, the forward said seriously. Her fingers and yours were intertwining, making you both feel grounded, as you recalled: “True. Lucy and Keira love it there..” “Yes, but I love it here.”, the Dutch woman reassured you pulling you back into the moment.

When your team scored in the ninth minute you started cheering loudly:” Oh my god, they scored!” “Yes, girls.”, Jill clapped happily. Apologetically you bit your lip: “Bunny will score another one. I’m sure of it. Sorry, I didn’t want to.” “It’s okay.”, she told you, rubbing your back to keep you warm and calm.

Manchester City was dominating the game when they scored the next goal in the second half, you couldn’t help to be moved at what was happening on the pitch: “Look what Hempo is doing.” “Where is she going? Oh my god. That’s so cute.”, Jill exclaimed. Meanwhile Lauren was holding up a Roord jersey making sure they were thinking of her.

After the match the blonde forward was hugging your girlfriend:” Jill? Have you seen it?” “Hempo, you stood right in front of us, of course I saw it.”, amused the Dutch woman shook her head. With a bright grin on her face Leila put an arm around her friend:” Yeah but I get you Hempo, one can never be sure when Jill is with her girlfriend like is she looking at her or at the pitch. One can never be sure.”

“Oh, shut up, that’s not true. I’m always looking at the pitch.”, Jill answered blushing. Immediately Esme was there to defend Laurens statement:”No, it’s true!” “You’re both right but Jill do you want to take a picture with us celebrating the win?”, Alex changed the topic. Smiling Jill agreed to it: “Sure, why not?” “That turned out perfect.”, Leila beamed looking at the photo they made together. Hempo chirmed:” Best team ever.” “Come on girls time to catch the bus back home.”, Alex reminded you all.

During the drive home you were cuddled up with your girlfriend watching the Arsenal game against Liverpool when Vivianne scored you couldn’t help but to jump up celebrating it:” Viv’s goal was amazing.” “Careful.”, worried Jill pulled you back to your seat. Your cheeks turned red:” Sorry, I was just so happy for her.” “It’s okay but you still got to be careful.”, she replied softly wrapping her arms around you. Into the warmth of her you whispered:”I’m good.” Before you slowly fell asleep.

Cheekily grinning Lauren asked:”Esme, do you have that on camera?” “I do.”, the blonde defender laughed. Curiously Jill turned around to face the two younger teammates:” Were you filming her reaction to Viv’s goal?” “Yes.”, Esme confessed. Smirking the forward wanted to know from them: “Can you send it to me I’d love to send it to Viv?” “Already done.”, Lauren waved it off.

With that answer the Dutch lifted an eyebrow up: “Seriously?” “You’re welcome.”, the English defender giggled. “Thanks, I guess.” Innocently her fellow England teammate:” Can we take a photo of her sleeping?” “No. I don’t trust you to not post it.”, Jill decided. Leila couldn’t help but to tease her:” You’re so overprotective of her.”

“Oh come on, guys.”, your girlfriend sighed frustrated. Quickly the Spanish defender continued:” We’re just joking, you two are cute.” “Will you let her sleep now then?”, hopeful Jill glanced at your teammates. In a low voice Esme gave in: “Okay, fine. Sleep well, y/n.”

Nothing new was the rise of ACL injuries but you’d never get tired of the warmth and love the mancity girls had for eachother.

#Spotify #jill roord #jill roord x reader #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso fanfics #woso one shot #woso community #woso #manchester city women #leila ouahabi #alex greenwood #lauren hemp #esme morgan #oranjeleeuwinnen #vivianne miedema #jill roord imagine #mancity women

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endthedream · 6 months

Text

hygge

pairing: model!niki x photographer!reader

summary: meeting at a time where the both of you need a supportive person the most, a beautiful friendship (or more) rises from similar struggles.

words: 6k

story colour: gray

notes: I know this story is shorter than the other ones but I still feel a bit awkward writing about Niki. I tried my best tho and hope all of you can enjoy this story! <3

masterlist of 'enhypen as jobs'

Hygge

noun

a quality of coziness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being (regarded as a defining characteristic of Danish culture).

If there was one word your father would describe you with it would be ‘vivacious’. You have always been full of life, walking around with a smile on your face and appreciating the small, little things in life. He called you a ray of sunshine, touched by the angels, and graced with the gift of never-ending happiness. He said you were his inspiration, his muse, his realization of how magical the world can be, and how there is always good in bad. He said you were everything he ever wished for in life.

He used to tell you stories about his travels around the world, places that he captured with the lens of his camera and people he remembered in his heart. Your father told you everything about the world, the cultures, and the unimaginable love he felt when he visited those places. How inspiration was at every corner, how he could see beauty in the tragedies of the world and how everything he felt changed him. He was just a little boy, when he thought he knew the world he never even saw before, but when he came back, he was a man, full of knowledge and respect.

One place he still carries deeply in his heart is Denmark. Not only because it is a beautiful country, so full of wonders and stories, but also because there was one thing he learned from his visit, one thing he still carries with him. ‘Hygge’ is what it is called. A word he now lives by. A word with a greater meaning that inspired the way he was thinking. Hygge is finding happiness in the little things in life. He was the one that taught you from when you were a child that happiness is made out of those small little moments rather than just grant events, finding magic in the ordinary, commonplace, imperfections. You think that he was the one that turned you into the vivacious person you are today.

Your father stopped traveling the world when he met your mom, but his love and passion for photography stayed. He sent his pictures to every agency, working his way up until this point. Until he started taking pictures of the most famous people in the world. It’s not something that he originally wanted or planned, but it is definitely something he enjoys. Because instead of traveling to meet people around the world, he invites them to his studio and takes photos of them. He has met dozens of people without even having to leave town.

It’s been two weeks since you ‘officially’ started working for your dad. You have been helping him at his studio ever since you can remember, and when he offered you to work for him full-time, you couldn’t say no.

Much like him you love photography, always taking pictures of everything and everyone. It has become your thing, your passion as well. And while working at your dad’s studio isn’t the kind of photography you originally wanted to do, it is a start that will hopefully take you far. Like him, you want to travel the world, appreciate every single country and capture everything you see with the lens of your camara. You want to have a blog where you can post those pictures and write about the experiences you have during your travels. You want to inspire people to follow their dreams, to pick up a camera and express themselves, to find who they really are. You want to be able to close your eyes, take a deep breath and know that the moment you open your eyes again, the view that will wait for you is worth every single dollar on this planet.

“You are daydreaming again.”, you can hear the voice of your father right next to your ear, making you snap out of your thoughts and turn around to him. He is grinning from ear to ear, arms folded.

“Sorry.”, you say, showing him a sheepish smile before looking back into the computer right in front of you, showing a picture of a woman who came in her just two days ago. “I am almost done with editing though. How do you like it?”

Your father leans down, eyes skimming over the picture for a few seconds before looking at you again. “I like how you enhanced the colors of her dress, but I think it’s too dark. We wanted to go with a more tropical, summery vibe and now it looks like fireworks on a stormy night. Brighten the picture and see what you can do to get rid of the white dots in the background.” You never said working for your dad was easy. He is your loving, kind, devoted father, but he is also a businessman. He knows what looks good and what doesn’t and whenever he takes the pictures, he has an exact vision of how it has to turn out.

“Oh, and we also got a last-minute photo shoot for tomorrow. I think this is your chance to show off your photographer skills.” In an instant you spin around in your chair, eyes wide and mouth hung open.

“What? But dad, I’ve never taken professional photos before. What if I mess up the shot and you will get a bad reputation?” Until recently, photography was a hobby to you, just capturing small things you saw while taking walks, taking pictures of your friends and family or sometimes even creating abstract pictures, but never have you ever done it professionally. Not with an expensive camera or twelve lights around you or with a model in front of you. God, especially not with a model that has probably high expectations in you.

“Y/n, sweetheart, this is a good opportunity for you. And I will just be two rooms away, if you struggle or have any questions, you can always get me. But you will never make it if you don’t step over your own boundaries. How will you travel the world and capture everything with a lens, when you can’t do it right now? That’s how you learn it and that’s how you grow within it. Don’t see this as a challenge, see this as an opportunity to come out big into the world of photography.” It’s quiet for a moment, you taking the time to think about your fathers’ words and your father taking the time to study your face. He knows that this is a big step for you, but he needs to push you over your own boundaries and help you over the fear of failing.

“Okay, yeah, okay, you are right, dad. I can do this. Who will I have the photoshoot with?” Placing one hand comfortingly on your shoulder, your dad smiles proudly at you. You love that look on his face, the love and pride radiating from it. It fills you with joy and the determination to always give your best in every situation. It has made you turn into the efficient and hard-working person you are today.

“His name is Niki Nishimura. He is a model from Japan, and I thought that this would be perfect for you since the two of you are the same age. I think that you will be able to hit it off perfectly.” There is something in you that stops for a second. You have heard of Niki before from girls in your class, have seen the covers of magazines he is on and commercials on the tv. He is popular, well, more than that actually. Niki is the face of the most well-known brands, walks on fashion week catwalks and on top of that is known for his sweet and polite personality. He is the whole package, and you are going to meet him tomorrow.

“Are you okay?”, your father asks you after you’ve been silent for a while. “Do you know Mr. Nishimura?”

“Know him?”, you say, voice suddenly rising. “Dad he is so popular. Everyone knows him. How do you expect me to do a photo shooting with him when he has literally been on every single magazine I see? How am I supposed to keep my cool when he walked for fashion week in Paris? Dad, this is a huge responsibility, I can’t do that.”

“No, you cannot change your mind now. Y/n, what happened when you said ‘Yeah, dad, you are right. I can do this. Thank you for giving me this wonderful opportunity. You are the best dad in this whole world, and everyone should be jealous because they don’t have such a kind, loving, fantastic, talented, handsome father like I do.’”, he says, mimicking your voice in a high-pitched tone, and you can’t hide the small grin on your lips.

“First of all, that’s not how I sound. Second, you are so full of yourself.” You dramatically roll your eyes as you let your head fall into your arms. “And third, that was before I knew the photo shoot was going to be with the freaking Niki Nishimura. This changes things, dad, this changes things drastically.”

“Y/n, stop being so hard on yourself. Famous or not, that boy is still a human being. He is the same age as you are, so don’t think of him any differently. This is the first lesson you have to learn in this kind of work. Celebrities are humans too. They are just known by more people, but they go to the toilet like you, and they probably also do dance parties in their room late at night when they think their dads are asleep.” Your cheeks turn red as you hear the last sentence, not having known that your dad actually heard you dancing late at night in your room before. But before you can open your mouth and defend yourself, your dad continues. “They are like you and me, sweetheart. So, don’t worry, okay? If anyone can do this, then you. I believe in you, with all my heart.”

Your hands are shaking as you set up the camera. The lights are already on and directed right at the boy in front of you, who is currently watching you with attentive eyes as you fiddle around with the tripod. You were aware that Niki is known for his respectful personality, but when he walked into your dads’ studio, you didn’t expect him to be this… shy. He really seemed like a little boy who lost his parents in a supermarket. Niki was barely able to mumble a quick hello to you and tell you his name.

“Are you ready?”, you ask him, looking up at the boy who quickly- almost as if he was caught doing something wrong- looks down at the ground, nodding his head. “Okay, I’m just going to fix this light, since I think it makes you look to pale, and then we can start.”

Without waiting for an answer, you walk over to the softbox, changing its position a bit.

You are so caught up in your head that you get startled as you hear the boy in front of you start to talk. “Your hands are shaking.” It’s a simple sentence, a simple statement, but it makes you stop in your tracs. You look up at him yet again, noticing that he has taken off the sunglasses he has to wear for the shoot. There is something in his eyes- softness, you think- that makes you feel comfortable, less nervous.

“Yes.”, you stutter, clearing your throat a few times. “I’m nervous. This is my first time doing a real photo shoot, and I’m… just terrified that I will make a mistake.” Niki just nods at your words, taking a few seconds to look around the room, which gives you time to take in his outfit for this shoot. You haven’t really looked at him closely, not wanting to make him uncomfortable in any way.

He wears an all-black outfit, black slacks with a black shirt underneath a black blazer. The red and white collar of his shirt gives the outfit the finishing touch, hinting just a bit of color that is needed to compliment him. He looks amazing, dashing, like he is out of a movie- a James Bond movie probably. And you realize you have never seen a more gorgeous person in your whole entire life.

“I’m sure you will be doing just perfect.”, he says, giving you a tight-lipped smile at a thumbs up. You have to scoff slightly at his try of encouragement, showing him the same tight-lipped smile, before continuing to change the position of the softbox.

Somehow your hands are even more shaky as you stand in front of the camera again, your breaths come in shallow, and your vision become blurry. You have to close your eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm yourself down, trying to remind yourself that it’s just a photo shoot and that Niki is just a normal boy. But it doesn’t work, your mind is spiraling with all these bad thoughts and can’t stop them from coming over and over again, attacking and breaking you into pieces.

“Hey, are you sure you’re fine? You look like you are about to faint.” You hear Nikis’ voice, but it is somewhere in the distance, you can’t grasp if it is miles away or right beside you. The world starts turning and you really think you might actually lose control over your whole body.

“Yeah.”, you can hear your own voice, but you can’t feel your lips moving. “Just… just give me a second.” You stumble backwards, eyes still closed and somehow you land right on your behind. You don’t open your eyes, still too afraid of how your surroundings look. You don’t even flinch when you feel two hands taking yours.

“Listen to me, okay? Just follow what I am saying.” There it is again, Nikis voice. There is a mix of concern and determination in it, but you don’t have time to think about that any longer. “Breath in, and out. Again. In and out.” You continue this pattern for a few minutes. Niki guiding your breaths and you following his orders. And you can slowly start feeling yourself calm down.

When you open your eyes again, the world has stopped spinning, your heart beats at a normal speed again and your hands stopped shaking. Niki is sitting beside you, watching you carefully. “Thanks.”, you just mumble, letting out a long and deep sigh.

“No need to thank me.”

There is a comfortable silence surrounding the two of you, and for a moment you forget that there is someone sitting right beside you, until Niki speaks up again. “Did that happen to you before?”

You shake your head, letting a hand glide through your hair. “No, never. I think I was just worrying too much about everything that my body just couldn’t handle it anymore.”

Niki nods slightly, eyes fixated at a point in front of him. “I used to have panic attacks all the time. Before photo shootings, before catwalks, before pretty much anything.” You look at him as he speaks, seeing the pain on his face as he remembers past moments. “I was nervous, terrified of messing up, of not being good enough, of failing every single person in my life. Those thoughts never left my mind, and I did not know how to stop them. I felt helpless, and I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, afraid they might laugh at me or think I am a pathetic little boy.”

“What did you do to change that?”, you ask him, attentively listening to him and hanging onto every word that was coming out of his mouth.

“Well, I started believing in myself more. Because why would people book me for modeling, if they didn’t think I was good at it? I started telling myself that I am good enough, that I made it this far, because I am good at what I am doing. Believing in yourself is always the first step to a healthier mindset.” You watch as he nervously picks at the skin on his fingers, before continuing. “And then I started telling myself that we are all just tiny little humans on a tiny little planet in this big universe. Why would I waste my time caring about my looks, or the way I walk and talk, when nothing of that is important? I mean, it is important, but you know what I mean. It seems like nothing compared to the universe. Why should I care about the opinions of others, when I will probably never see them again in my life? Why would I give my precious time to people who will just waste it, if I can surround myself with nothing but happiness? After all, we are all just little humans having dreams and hopes, having a life of our own and chasing one thing. Happiness.”

There is a silent tear rolling down your cheeks as you hear his words, but you quickly wipe it away before he can notice it.

“And then I started to talk to people about my thoughts, and it helped so much. Other models told me about their worries, about their problems. And suddenly, I didn’t feel alone anymore. I felt understood, like someone tuck me into bed with a warm blanket and kissed my forehead.” There is a short moment where you both smile into the distance, caught in your own heads, before Niki directs his gaze back at you. “I’ve seen your dads’ work, that’s why I wanted to come here and get my pictures taken by him. And when he told my agency about you, his prodigy daughter, I knew that if a person as talented as him recommends you do the photo shoot with me, then you must be just as talented as he is. When I saw you today, saw the way you took so much care of the equipment and about every single person on this set, I knew that I wouldn’t want anyone else to take photos of me. You just have to believe in yourself more, trust yourself and your abilities and stop the spiral in your head. Stop thinking and just do what you love to do.”

“So, I went up to him and told him to get lost. I mean he is famous, yes, but that doesn’t give him the right to treat other people like that. Especially since my dad was having a photo shoot with him. Like be grateful that at least someone is taking pictures of you.” Niki laughs at your story, long having forgotten the hot chocolate in front of him. After your panic attack, Niki proposed a little break, so you took him to one of the best cafés in town.

“It’s so good that you gave him a piece of your mind. Sometimes fame really gets into peoples’ brains and they start thinking they are above anyone.” You nod your head, smiling at him widely and taking a bit of the cake you ordered. You close your eyes, enjoying the different flavors melting on your tongue. And when you open your eyes again, you find Niki staring at you, a fascinated look on his face. You show him a questioning look, swallowing another bite of your cake.

“I find it fascinating.”, he says, fork poking his own cake. “The way you seem to soak up every single small thing in life. Just a second ago, you looked like you were soaking up the flavor of this cake with your whole body. On the walk here, you stopped walking just to watch a bee on the flowers of the flower shop we passed by, and your eyes were actually sparkling. And it’s the way you talk about things, especially your dad. You have this way of making me feel like I was actually there with you throughout all your little stories. It’s just fascinating how much someone can enjoy life and all its little wonders.”

There is a faint tint of blush slowly creeping up your cheeks and you quickly try to hide it by covering your face with your hair. “Do you know the word hygge?” Niki shakes his head at your question, waiting for you to continue. “It’s a word from Denmark and it basically has the meaning of enjoying the small things in life and finding happiness in them. I learned it from my father and been living by it all my life.”

“That is so beautiful.” You can feel the air shift. Niki lowers his head, fork dropping beside his cake. “Sometimes I feel like my life is moving so far. I have to be somewhere new every single day. I rush from one place to another without having time to appreciate the stuff I get to see and do every single day. Everything moves so quickly, and I feel like I can’t just be a simple kid, living a simple life. I have to be a mature role model who knows everything and behaves perfectly at all times. I had to do that since I was fifteen. And it’s just… exhausting. Sometimes I just want to stop time and be… me. I want to appreciate things, stuff myself full of food until I’m nauseous, play pranks on my friends without being titled as mean. I want to act goofy without being called childish, even though I am still seventeen.”

Sniffling down your tears, you reach over to grab Nikis’ hand. “Listen to me, Niki. You are the bravest, most talented, kind-hearted person ever. Life isn’t treating anyone fairly, but we should not let that decide our whole future. If you really want to enjoy life to its fullest, then do it. Take a break, talk to your management or something like that. If you really want something, you can always get it, if you want deeply want it. People will always have something they won’t like about you, because they are jealous and miserable, but just remember that you don’t know those people and you never will. So, don’t let them decide who you are, and definitely don’t let them have power over who you want to be. Life is too short to waste it, and we won’t stay young forever. It’s important to enjoy every single little thing before it is too late.”

There is a single tear rolling down Nikis’ face, but he catches it with his thumb before it can land on the table. He takes a few breaths, calming himself down, before looking into your eyes again. He shows you a sad smile, the hand that is still holding yours squeezing in an appreciating manner. “Thank you so much for telling me all that. You don’t know how much this means to me, Y/N.”

“Don’t thank me for something like that, Niki. I just said what you needed to hear a long time ago.” A few seconds of silence fill the air, Niki just looks around, trying not to think too much about your words. He doesn’t want to tear up yet again. “Okay, before any of us will start bawling their eyes out, how about you finish your cake, and I will take you to a cool place?”

Nikis’ eyes widen at the scene in front of him. The towns autumn festival is known for being breathtaking, decorations of pumpkins, leaves and mushrooms everywhere, a fairy’s wheel laced with moos and fairy lights, games you can play at every corner and a big campfire where people laugh, talk, sing and grill marshmallows. Niki doesn’t know where to look first, his eyes trying to take in every single little thing at once, before eventually landing on you, again.

“This is, wow, Y/n, this is the coolest thing I have ever seen.” You smile brightly at him before tugging on his sleeve, silently telling him to follow you. You walk up to a stand selling waffles, smiling at the elderly guy.

“Hey, Mr. Kim. Can we have two waffles, and please give them a bit of extra chocolate sauce, my friend here has never tried your waffles before.”

“Y/n, my dear, anything for you.” Niki and you both watch as Mr. Kim prepares the waffles, adding sprinkles on them and even an extra amount of whipped cream. Before you can take out your wallet to pay, Mr. Kim shakes his head violently. “No, it’s on the house. You have never brought a friend here before. Enjoy the waffles, okay?” With red cheeks you nod at the kind man, taking the waffles from him and walking to a free table with Niki.

“So, you never brought a friend here, huh?” You can hear the teasing tone in Nikis’ voice, but you are too ashamed to look at him. It’s not like you never wanted to bring a friend here, but it just never felt right. Friends weren’t really a permanent thing in your life, having had too many bad experiences with them. And whenever you had a friend that you started to trust, you always felt like they would destroy this magical festival for you. But with Niki it was different. You just felt so comfortable with Niki, so understood. Niki is different than anyone you have ever met, and after his confession earlier, you just knew that you had to share this with him. You had to share this beautiful place with him.

“I never really had friends. Whenever I did, they only seemed to like me because my dad is somewhat known. They wanted to get some fame as well. So, I just stopped looking for friends. You are the first person I feel like could actually like me for me, you know.”

Niki smiles at you, for the thousands time today, taking a bite out of his waffle. “I already do like you for you, Y/n. And I really appreciate it that I am the first person you bring here. But I just want to say that, wow, these waffles are amazing. I feel like I’ve been kissed by an angel, like I am at the beach hearing the waves softly crash against the sand, like I am floating on a cloud, like I am a changed man.” You laugh at his words, holding your stomach and tipping your head back. Niki watches you, eyes trained on your face, and he realizes how much he loves being the reason for your laughter. “Like I want to marry this waffle, that’s how good it is. And then we have little waffle children running around, spreading sugary joy all over the world. And then me and this waffle will watch those waffle children grow up and have waffle children themselves. We will sit on the porch, in little rocking chairs and watch our waffle grandchildren play in the front yard.” Tears are flooding down your cheeks from laughing at his words. There are people staring at the two of you, but you don’t care, you just live in this moment together.

“And that cloud looks like a cat eating ice cream.” The sun is setting painting the sky in different shades of pink and yellow, as you stop at the top of the fairy’s wheel. This is your third time riding the fairy’s wheel, not caring about the amount of money you are spending on it. You subconsciously hug the unicorn plushie Niki has won you earlier- after at least twelve tries- tighter to your chest as you look up at the sky with him.

“Oh, and that cloud looks a big popcorn bucket.” Rolling your eyes at the boy sitting beside you, you can’t help the grin that creeps itself up on your lips.

“You are so bad at this, Niki.” He just chuckles at your comment, eyes focusing on you again. “It’s not a popcorn bucket it is obviously a dragon drinking a cup of Pepsi.”

“Okay, this is the first one that I cannot see, Y/n. How is this a dragon? It is just a big blob, nothing more.” Gasping at his words, you shake your head in disappointment at his lack of creativity.

“How could you say that about Mr. Dragon. Has he done anything to you? No, he hasn’t. He is just enjoying his Pepsi, and you are insulting him like that. I cannot believe you right now.” Niki tips his head back in laughter, wiping at his eyes.

“Thank you.”, he says between laughs, voice raised a few pitches higher than normally.

“For what?”, you ask him.

“For this day, Y/n. This has been the coolest day ever, and all that thanks to you. I never had so much fun, I never laughed so much and so hard. I swear my belly and my jaw hurt from laughing so much.” There is this happiness, this pride, filling your heart as you hear his words. You have never felt this way before, never had someone tell you such sweet words, and thanking you for company. You swallow your tears, blinking a few times up into the sky, before you can face him again.

“You’re welcome, Niki. I hope that you can have many, many more days like this one in the future with a lot of people all over the world. Because that is what you deserve.”

“Well, I hope I can have many more days like this as well with you, right? After this day we won’t just pretend we never met, we won’t just become strangers, right? This day will lead to an amazing friendship that will last until we are old and gray, right?” You smile at him, scooting over to him and softly taking his hand in yours.

“Of course, Niki. I won’t let you leave. You are stuck with me now.” You grin brightly at him, squeezing his hand appreciatively.

“Oh, no. I take back what I said. You scare me.”

“Nope.”, you say. “No take backs, Niki. This is only the beginning.”

“So, if you are that confident in our friendship? Will you do the photo shoot with me now?”

“Those photos are amazing, Y/n. God, I am so proud of you. You did everything just as I imagined it to be, even better actually. I knew you could do it.” Your father wraps you into a tight hug, holding you against him and a bright, proud grin on your face. Pride fills your entire body as you hear those words out of your father’s mouth. You have been editing those pictures, making them perfect, for the past few days, night and day, and knowing that it turned out amazing, was worth all the stressful hours.

“Thanks dad, but I don’t want to have all the credit. Without my muse I wouldn’t have been able to pull everything off.”

Your dad breaks the hug, giving you a stern- not serious- look. “Your muse, huh? I heard Niki and you got really cozy at the autumn festival. You can’t fool me; I have eyes and ears everywhere. I tell you, before anything he becomes your boyfriend, I want to formally meet him first. I want to know everything about this boy and then I will decide if he can date my precious daughter.”

“Dad!”, you complain, cheeks redder than the tomatoes your dad is growing in his garden. “It’s not like that. I mean not yet. We are friends, dad.”

“Yeah, but if, sweetheart, if he becomes your boyfriend, I want to meet him first.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Let’s just get out these photos.” With one last smile in your dad’s direction, you walk back to your desk, the pictures of Niki still on your screen. But before you can do anything, your phone ring tone breaks the silence in the room. Smiling as you see Nikis’ contact, you open the text message he sent you, seeing a picture of him at a zoo somewhere in Japanese with the caption ‘Enjoying the little things right now and thinking about you. I’m already counting down the days till we meet again’.

Holding the phone to your chest, you can’t help but grin like a lovesick idiot. Life is great, it’s hard and exhausting sometimes, but it’s great. And you can’t wait to continue enjoying the small little moments it gives you with Niki by your side.

Bonus

“Only three more days.” Nikis’ voice says through the speaker of your phone as you look at the screen of your laptop.

In three days, it will be the fifth time you and Niki will attend the autumn festival in your town. It’s already been five years since you met, five years since you grew up together and five years since you started to enjoy the little things in life together. It still feels surreal to you, having him by your side for such a long time now.

“Three more days till I see you again, Y/n.” The excitement in his voice is evident and it warms your heart, fills it with so much appreciation for the boy on the other side of the planet. Niki is currently in Paris, attending his last fashion week for this year, and you are in Thailand, one of the countries you always wanted to visit. You have taken thousands of pictures, talked to hundreds of people and learned so much about their culture. It has been a dream, these past few weeks, and you wouldn’t trade this experience for anything in this world. But part of you misses your home, misses your dad, and misses Niki. You had one of the greatest times of your life, but you are ready to go home again.

“I can’t wait to see you.”, you say after a while, closing the laptop, grabbing your phone and sitting down outside on your little balcony. “God, I’ve missed you so much, you don’t even know.”

“Aw.”, he coos. “Are you getting emotional my sweet tiny little baby.”

“I take my words back.” You can hear his laughter through the phone, smiling at the familiar noise that became your favorite sound over the years. “But all jokes aside, I really do miss you, Niki.”

“I miss you too.”, he says, sighing softly after his words. “But it’s only three more days, right? We did five months before, so we can easily do three more days.”

“Those three days feel longer than the five months though.” You wrap your jacket tighter around yourself, slightly shaking in the cold evening wind. It’s times like this that you long for him the most, that you wish he was by your side. Traveling has shaped you in so many ways, helped you find who you really are and taught you so much about the world, but it also made you realize how much you value having a fixed place to stay, to settle down. It made you realize what you really want.

“What are you thinking about right now?”, Niki asks you, shifting from his position on his hotel bed. You can almost imagine him, messy hair, make up stains still left on his face and his SpongeBob pajamas on.

“You, I’m thinking about you. And us. Our future.”, you answer him honestly, eyes raised up into the deep blue sky.

“This is only the beginning.”, he whispers, voice low and deep with emotions. “This is only the beginning of our forever together, of our hygge together. It’s crazy to think about that sometimes, you know. The fact that we came into each other’s lives at a time where we needed it the most, and the fact that we made it so far. It’s crazy, but so indescribably beautiful. I can’t wait for these three days to pass by Y/n. And I can’t wait for every single day to pass by with you by my side. This is only our beginning, Y/n. And I already know where we can start together.” Niki stops his sentence, taking a small breath, making you anticipate his next words. “In Denmark.”

#enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen imagines #jake enhypen x reader #nishimura niki imagine #nishimura riki #riki nishimura x reader #nishimura niki #enhypen niki #enhypen niki x reader #enhypen niki imagines #enhypen niki fluff #niki nishimura imagine

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spacelazarwolf · 9 months

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Hey, I saw a post from another tumblr user that you are a Zionist and spreading false info about Jewish people being excluded from pride parades and I don't know what a Zionist is (they just said it was nationalist) but I enjoy your blog and wanted to ask you about it directly to understand better whats going on if thats okay? Im not anonymous in case you want to privately answer or tell me youd not want to discuss. 💕

first, i wanna thank you for being respectful about this, and for asking this off anon. this tells me you're asking in good faith, so i'm happy to answer.

i've had to state numerous times on my blog that i'm not a zionist bc people love to slap that label on any jew they disagree with, which is exactly what's happening in this situation. they disagreed with what i said about a lot of jews not feeling comfortable at pride because of the pervasive antisemitism in queer spaces, and several queer events banning the jewish pride flag because it "looked too similar to the israeli flag" and decided that made me a zionist. it happens a lot bc ppl know that that word is very taboo in activist spaces, and labeling you a zionist is a surefire way to get you kicked out of a lot of progressive circles. interestingly (said with a huge dollop of sarcasm) this rarely happens to gentiles.

zionist is also a pretty useless word for determining what someone actually believes, because depending on who you ask their ideologies can range from "i think that jewish people should be able to live in the land that is currently israel and palestine alongside palestinians and other indigenous groups" to "i think that only jews should get to live in that area and we should kick everyone else out." and as you can imagine, there's lots of people like me who agree with the first statement but vehemently disagree with the second. it's become somewhat of a dogwhistle, to the point that alt righters popularized "zio" as a slur, which was then picked up by leftists (because there is also a huge problem with antisemitism in leftist and non palestinian gentile-dominated antizionist spaces.) one of the events i mentioned in the first paragraph deleted a tweet using this slur.

the person you're probably talking about also claimed that i, a genderqueer trans man, am a misogynist, because i said that jewish masculinity is very culturally different from white masculinity and that i find a lot of comfort in it. they cited a bunch of problems with misogyny within the orthodox community, despite the fact i'm not orthodox or even ashkenazi. what it boiled down to is that they disagree with the takes i have on anti transmasculinity, and they needed something else to pin it on.

so in the future, if you see someone accusing a jew of being a zionist, take everything they have to say with a bucket full of salt and do as you did with this ask and go ask the person what they actually believe. sometimes you'll find their beliefs actually don't line up with your morals and you can unfollow, but the vast majority of the time you'll find that they just said something someone didn't like and it was the easiest way to discredit them.

in general, i don't share my opinions about zionism/antizionism on tumblr because that's not what my blog is centered on, and also i oppose the expectation that jews should have to disclose our opinions on zionism in order for gentiles to determine whether or not we are worth listening to. i also have a lot of thoughts abt how the focus on anti-anything makes it easier for activists to weaponize that activism against marginalized people, but that's an entirely different post.

anyway, i hope that answers your question, and i will probably pin this ask somewhere on my blog since i have been asked this a few times now and it seems unavoidable since ppl just won't drop it.

#ask avishai

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mysterycitrus · 5 months

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Jason is my blorbo, my favorite, wretched, little guy and I love him so much. And I love all your posts about him! SO tired of people watering down his character, especially at the expense of other characters. Namely Dick and Tim. I know you're probably tired of talking about J so no hard feelings if you ignore this but I'd love to hear your thoughts and Dick and Jason's relationship. Past, present and where you'd like to see it go in the future. If anywhere. (Also your art is so, so good!! I especially love how you do faces and your coloring)

i actually really enjoy unpacking their relationship. it makes me think about that quote from diary of a wimpy kid - "you're my brother, but you'll never be my friend." idk how they should be written in the future because i think jason needs to be removed from gotham until he grows his personality back, but here's my thoughts on their brains -

from jason's end, there's so much resentment. a large part of his post-resurrection motivations come from the idea that bruce has dishonoured his memory and failed to grieve him, because bruce won't let him or anyone else kill the joker and therefore bruce doesn't love him. bruce rejects his manifesto for fixing gotham, bruce rejects his violence, bruce rejects his politics. would bruce have rejected dick if dick had done this? in jason's mind - no. dick grayson has shackled himself to bruce and is drowning with him. jason does not see that he has also chained himself to bruce and thrown away the key.

it's also worth mentioning that in outsiders 2003 and batman and robin 2009 (when written by winick), jason still fundamentally respects dick's abilities and experience. he think he's weak because he tries to suppress his anger, but i don't think jason would carry that same heavy, debilitating misery from seeing tim or cass or damian - people he was denied knowing by dying, and thus "replaced" by. jason, in some capacity, values dick as an ally. he trusts that dick, for all his flaws, is not a vengeful person (and i'll get to that).

there's a degree of what if there too - both dick and jason lived through a very specific period of bruce's life, which is the period before jason was killed. no one else (aside from babs and alfred) knows what that was like. no one else understands bruce, in that way. they have seen him before that grief in a way no one else who followed can. they're both poor kids brought into wealth. dick transcended into a legacy, and was then discarded. jason was, unconsciously, a tangible replacement for dick (and for robin), but died before bruce had the chance to leave him behind.

by comparison, we see dick reach out to jason, consistently. i'd say that unlike bruce, dick is a pragmatist. he frequently works with murderers. he ran the outsiders. he has, and will continue to, make calls that will questionably result in someone's death. to be clear, that is not the same thing as being a murderer - i think the guilt of that comes very close to killing him - but while he's an inherently optimistic person, i'd say he has realistic expectations for people's behaviour. it's what makes him so efficient as a tactician.

they're also very similar - they respond differently to anger, but they are both explosive. dick doesn't seek retribution on his own behalf, but he will lose control for the people he loves (which includes jason!). going to bat (haha) for jason, and jason then hurting the people he protects (tim, damian, the titans, etc), that's a line jason's crossed. dick won't ever stop swinging out to grab him, because he'll never let anyone fall, but that does not mean he'll be kind when they reach the ground

#when i finish my jason + dick brothers fic ohohohoho.... then people will see my vision #dick grayson #jason todd #nightwing #red hood #batfam #dc comics #the ask and the answer

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honey-beann · 11 months

Text

Background Noise

rk boys (Nines, Connor, Sixty) x Reader Smut

Word count: 4,244

It was a beautiful morning, especially for Detroit, and Connor was feeling almost too content, watching the birds fly past the window above the kitchen sink as he sat comfortably at the breakfast bar.

The new house was perfect, notably different from the apartments he had lived in prior, and he found himself feeling so at home within it that he was filled with a joy he had only experienced once before, in an entirely different situation.

He allowed his mind to drift back to that night, your pretty dress, your ecstatic grin, and the calm waters lapping gently against concrete and wood sticking out clearly in his mind, even in memory alone.

Unbeknownst to the outside world, he examined his calendar internally, his LED briefly blinking yellow before calming back down to blue almost immediately as he checked just how long it had been since that wonderful afternoon.

He startled a bit (though he hoped only internally), at the realization that it had already been two months, and made a mental note to pick up some flowers to commemorate the event.

He had only just begun considering what type of flowers, when he heard his name get called from the speakers of the laptop that sat on the countertop in front of him.

"Do you have anything to add, Connor?"

Connor fixed his eyes on the screen and smiled politely at the speaker as well as the many college students who sat uncomfortably in their cramped desk seats a few hundred miles away at NYU, where he, Markus, Kara, North, and Simon were currently giving a lecture over video call.

"I'm sorry, I must have gotten lost in thought for a second, what was the question?"

Connor could see North cast the section of the screen he was taking up on her end a brief glare, but Kara, who had been the one to ask for his input in the first place, just smiled easily and waved his apology off.

"No problem. It was just about android-human romantic relationships and how the laws surrounding them are believed to change in the next few years. Markus mentioned his plans to have marriage legalized, and North spoke on the amount of negativity that these relationships face outside of the legal system, but I thought you might be able to provide some extra insight, if you felt comfortable."

Connor gave a slight nod, his smile returning to his face as he turned his attention back towards the large crowd of students, who, despite having been required to attend for credit, all seemed rather invested, though that was hardly any surprise given the speakers present.

Ever since the revolution, Connor and Markus in particular had gained a significant deal of notoriety due to both the rolls that they played, and the romantic relationships they had.

Markus had now been in his relationship with another android for a few years now, and Connor had been in his with a human for around the same amount of time, and people found that to be immensely interesting.

Here was Connor, the deviant hunter, a former prototype android designed for detective work, dating a human as if that were the most natural thing he could possibly do, and honestly, the media ate that up.

There were photos of you in the tabloids, articles about you posted online, and you were both criticized and adored by androids and humans alike for your relationship with Connor, even after all these years.

Of course, there were many other juicy aspects of your romantic life that the media loved to fixate on, but Connor hardly thought those were worth bringing up now, unless he wanted to complicate things extensively.

So instead, he chose to give the simplest answer he could without making it seem as if he were against the idea of speaking on his personal relationship (because he most certainly was not, in fact, he thoroughly enjoyed talking about you whenever an opportunity presented itself).

"Well, in my experience, android-human relationships are very similar to those shared between only humans and only androids. There are a lot of stereotypes, like that android lovers are superior, or that human partners can connect easier, but truthfully, I think most of these concepts are contrived by those who don't accept these relationships as legitimate and seek to weaken them because of that."

Just as he finished up his statement, a student raised their hand, and Kara, as the moderator, was more than happy to call upon them.

"Yes, you in the front row?"

The girl seemed nervous as she spoke up, but even so, Connor was able to make out her question easily.

"So if these stereotypes that Connor mentioned can be eliminated or lessened to a certain degree, can we anticipate the legalization of android-human marriage to occur shortly thereafter?"

Markus was quick to respond,

"Well, the legal system doesn't necessarily depend on these stereotypes being less prevalent, but it would definitely help our cause. That being said, I believe it won't be long now until android-human marriage is legalized, and that seems to be the consensus among many in the U.S. There has been a significant increase in the number of android-human betrothals within the past year, and I think that points to a general agreement that non-regulated marriages will definitely be legalized in the near future, it just depends on how long it takes for the government to recognize that from a legal standpoint."

Connor nodded in agreement,

"The data trends towards a general air of acceptance at the idea of legalizing these marriages. I myself proposed to my fiancee just two months ago with the expectation that in a slightly lengthened wedding planning time frame, the legalization process will be completed."

Soft murmurs echoed out among the crowd at this, as very few people were aware of your engagement (though the media had spoken frequently on the sudden addition of a rather expensive looking ring to your every day outfits).

Connor fought back a slight grin of amusement at the surprise that his words had caused, choosing instead to turn his attention towards the class's professor as the older man asked a question about android unions in the workplace, something that was much more in Simon's wheelhouse than Connor's.

He listened intently as his friend and colleague spoke in depth on the issue,

So intently in fact, that he neglected to notice the bedroom door opening until it was too late for him to do anything about it.

Out you walked, donning only an oversized dress shirt, slippers, and underwear, your hair mussed up, and your expression still rather drowsy as you made your way across the living room and into the bathroom, fully in frame of the camera you were all too unaware of for the majority of your trek.

Connor bit back a chuckle, his cheeks tinted a slight blue color as he admired via his screen how lovely you looked in your pajamas despite your immense lack of effort.

Of course though, he wasn't the only one to notice, and when you walked back through towards your bedroom after using the bathroom, there was a strong silence present from both the speakers as well as the audience, all of whom were rather distracted by the intrusion. Finally, clearly hoping to move on for the sake of time, the professor cleared his throat and spoke up through the newly awkward atmosphere.

"Excuse me, Mr. Anderson, but I believe there is someone in the backgrou-"

He cut himself off suddenly when an arm reached over from just out of frame and pulled you in toward it, shock clearly written across your face as you were yanked straight from view, yelping at the unexpected tug.

"Er, is everything alright?"

The professor spoke quietly now, his brow furrowed in confusion as Connor offered him a polite smile and nod,

"All is well, I believe my partner simply forgot about our professional arrangement this morning and neglected to use the other bathroom upon waking up."

"But who was-"

"As for the individual that removed her from the camera's view, I'm unsure if that was the rk800 or rk900, but I can assure you that our fiancee is entirely safe."

The crowd remained silent for a few moments as a great deal of the students took in what was for them, new information.

Of course, some larger fans and smart speculators had been able to piece together the relationship you shared with Sixty and Nines, but most people chose to ignore the complicated question of your romantic life beyond you and Connor.

After all, in the eyes of the media, Connor was a big sweetheart, while you were his equally innocent and adorable life partner, and how could they ever push that image out if they speculated that you were also engaged to both the rk800 model that had tried to kill Connor and Hank prior to deviation, and the rk900 model who had been strictly designed for military use when it came to hunting down deviants?

The short answer was that they couldn't, and as a result, the already rarely posted images of you and either of your partners who weren't Connor struggled to gain much traction, meaning that not many people believed, or even knew the rumor about your romantic relationship with all three men.

Except recently, you'd all sat down and had a conversation about this topic, which had ended with one strict viewpoint shared by all four of you:

Your relationship was not a secret, nor was it something to be ashamed of, and there would be no more comments leaving that up for interpretation.

The silence continued for multiple additional seconds beyond what Connor himself would consider awkward, until a student loudly cleared their own throat before slowly raising their hand, to which Kara responded by calling upon them in a manner that was almost hesitant.

"So uh, have android related marriage benefits been considered yet?"

North was quick to jump on answering that question, but even still, Connor couldn't help but feel his attention drift towards the situation just outside the range of his camera.

He couldn't quite make you out without making it obvious that he was looking in your direction, but he could clearly see Sixty's back as he caged you in against the wall, arms on either side of you while he leaned down to capture your lips in his in a manner that was no doubt ravenous.

He and Nines had both been out of town until just before Connor had began setting up for his prior arrangements earlier that morning, and if the android had meant what he'd said over the phone the night before last, you were likely in for one hell of a two month engagement celebration.

Connor attempted to turn his attention back towards the lecture, ignoring the growing pressure between his legs as he turned up the volume slightly, eyes fixated almost too intently on the screen.

Suddenly though, he was forced to hold back a wince as you stumbled back into the view of the audience, cheeks pink, lips bruised, and hair even messier than before as you struggled to avoid Sixty's attempts at grabbing you again with a laugh that was distant to the mic, but sharp in Connor's ears, igniting a spark of adoration in him at the sound.

He watched via the screen in front of him as you backed further into clear view with Sixty following confidently, a predatory grin at his lips that immediately let Connor know that the android couldn't care less whether or not those on the video call saw him.

Now more than a little bit enthralled by the chase as well as the sparkle of excitement he could see in your eyes, Connor kept his gaze trained on the scene playing out on the screen, a slight smirk fighting to show itself as he watched you start to lose your balance after being forced to raise a leg to stop your feral fiance from grabbing at it.

You shrieked as you fell back, catching yourself on your palms as you tried desperately to scoot away from Sixty's grip, though your efforts proved futile when he wrapped a nimble hand around one of your ankles, tugging you towards him and eventually just out of frame once more.

Soon afterward Connor heard the familiar sound of your feigned pleas for freedom being muffled against Sixty's hungry lips as they claimed your own for the second time that morning.

It proved to be very distracting.

Though, not nearly as distracting as you backing your way into frame once again moments later, palms flat against the floor behind you as you kicked playfully at Sixty, still doing your best to win the game of chase he'd started despite your obvious enjoyment.

You were fighting a grin as you continued to move backward, using your hands as leverage to pull yourself along faster even as Sixty followed on foot, which gave him a very clear advantage.

Repressing the urge to calculate how long on average Sixty tended to play with you before choosing to halt his typically lengthy games of cat and mouse, Connor shifted his gaze back towards the audience, hoping that the scene in the background wasn't the reason their gaze was so affixed to the projector screen in front of them.

Unfortunately though, the android's attempt at placing his regard on something that wasn't his fiancee's rather amusing struggle was squashed by the notable visual of a new figure entering the frame.

This definitely didn't help his cause, and he was almost certain that the crowd couldn't have possibly gone without noticing it either, as Nines made for an incredibly imposing figure under any and all circumstances.

That being said, you had clearly gotten very comfortable with his presence throughout the years, because you didn't even notice that he was there until you'd accidentally backed into his legs.

And by then, it was far too late.

Connor watched, artificial breathing paused as you slowly looked up to see Nines standing behind you, eyes slightly widened as you took in the sight of him. The android cast a brief glance over to the video call that his predecessor was on before shifting his gaze toward Sixty, who had his hands in his pockets as he smirked down at your helpless position between him and the rk900.

You were laying with your back pressed against Nines' body, one leg extended outward while the other was bent at the knee, as if you had been mid struggle when you'd finally stopped.

You let out a tiny squeak of fear, one that Connor barely managed to make out above the sound of North's voice, as without warning, Sixty knelt down to run a hand slowly up your leg before wrapping it loosely around your calf, his gaze hungry in a way that Connor was certain you were all too familiar with.

Nines, on the other hand, crouched behind you, his torso unyielding against your back as he ran a hand up from your straightened leg to your throat, where it briefly curled and squeezed before loosening, though it notably did not move away as he lowered his mouth to your ear.

Connor attempted to make out what he was saying, but in the end, it was your reaction that held his attention more than anything else.

He watched your muscles tense and your throat bob as you leaned into Nines' touch, nodding softly as the android in question smirked against your neck before he slowly stood, guiding you up with him and walking you backwards and out of frame once more, Sixty following eagerly.

There was a distant clamor that Connor was almost certain came from the counter of the bathroom sink, and then suddenly, his LED was flashing yellow with an incoming call from a familiar rk800 model android.

Connor swallowed thickly, briefly ensuring that the attention of those participating in the lecture wasn't on him before he answered hesitantly, the sound of your muffled whimpers instantly filling his ears and forcing him to hold back a shiver as he shifted in his seat, suddenly very uncomfortable thanks to the increasing strain within his pants.

"Shit."

He murmured under his breath, inhaling sharply as Sixty chuckled in response, a teasing lilt to his tone as he spoke,

"You hear that pretty girl? Connors decided to say hello in spite of his little arrangement, isn't that sweet?"

Connor tensed at the sound of you gasping on the other end of the line, a keening whine slipping past your lips at Sixty's taunting words, which he continued to utilize mercilessly.

"What was that, Princess?"

He pressed,

"I don't think he can hear you."

From Sixty's end, Connor was able to make out an oh so familiar squelching sound followed by a sharp cry that he knew for a fact belonged to you, your head falling back to what he imagined was the mirror behind you with a dull thud.

Connor flinched slightly at the sound, but assuaged his own worries with the knowledge that neither Nines nor Sixty would ever allow you to get hurt in their presence.

And clearly the injury wasn't anything severe, because mere moments afterward, Nines spoke up,

"Why don't you tell Connor how good it feels, hmm? We don't want him to feel excluded sitting all alone out there."

You whimpered at Nines' cruel tone, but opened your mouth to speak regardless, your breaths so hurried that Connor could hear them easily.

"C-Con..."

You whined out, and the sound of his name leaving your lips immediately had the android in question holding back a groan, his LED flickering briefly as he sent Sixty a message.

After doing this, Connor waited patiently, until finally, the receiving android let out an audible chuckle, humming softly as he spoke,

"Well isn't this interesting, Connor here is asking me to narrate your little... Predicament for him."

Sixty paused for a moment, allowing his predecessor to better make out your soft pleas before he continued, voice full of a mocking amusement that he had mastered the use of ages ago.

"Does that sound nice, Sweetheart? You want me to tell him how hot you look all spread out for Nines' fingers? How fucked out your expression is when we haven't even taken you properly yet?"

There was a brief silence for a moment or two, but Connor was quick to deduce that you must have nodded, because Sixty gave a short chuckle before he spoke up again,

"That's right, Baby, you look so fucking pretty when you take what we give you. Does it feel nice?"

You gave a shrill cry of bliss in response, and the next time that Sixty spoke, it was to Connor directly, his voice barely above a growl,

"Fuck, you really should see her, I don't know if she's ever been this wet before."

The loud squelching sounds in the background only served to cement Sixty's statement as truthful, and Connor had to mute himself so no one would hear the heady groan that was pulled from deep within him as a result.

"And she's desperate too, already begged Nines to fuck her before you could even answer the phone."

Connor heard his successor chuckle softly in the background before the squelching increased in intensity, followed shortly thereafter by your rushed pleas for more, which fell from your lips like a waterfall.

Connor then heard Nines give a sigh that was a bit too close to a growl for him to ignore, before suddenly, the squelching stopped entirely, replaced immediately afterward by the sounds of zippers being tugged down and clothing hitting the floor.

To Connor's surprise though, the next thing he heard wasn't some sharp cry or plea from you, but rather Nines' harsh tone as he spoke up for the second time that morning,

"Since you just can't seem keep your mouth shut on your own, you don't mind if Sixty helps you, do you, Sweetling?"

You whimpered shakily, but spoke up nonetheless, no doubt knowing the punishment that awaited if you didn't,

"N-no sir."

You whispered out, and Connor could all but hear Nines grin as he hummed softly before finally replying,

"Good girl."

And the next thing that Connor heard was a loud curse from Sixty, who let out a strained laugh immediately afterward, as if surprised by his own exclamation.

"That's it, Princess, open that pretty mouth just a little more for me,"

And a second later, he groaned heavily again, hissing through his teeth before he spoke up,

"Shit, that's it, Baby, just like that."

Connor held back a moan as he imagined how desperate you must have looked in that moment, spread out for Nines with Sixty's dick stuffed down your throat as you took them both eagerly,

It was almost enough to make him whimper at the thought alone, suddenly all too ready to end this video call once and for all.

Distantly, he could make out a new voice asking a question, but all that he could do was pray that it wasn't for him, because there was no way he could muster up the strength to say anything coherent knowing that his beautiful fiancee was being absolutely ravaged in the next room over.

Connor tensed slightly at the sound of your muffled groans, stifled by Sixty's length as you took everything that both he and Nines gave you, which was apparently about to be increased according to the latter individual.

"Did you want me to fuck you, Little Dove? Is that what you were begging for so shamelessly?"

Connor inhaled sharpy at the sound of your replying whines despite the rather large obstacle that was keeping you from speaking properly, which, judging by the noises that Sixty was making, likely wouldn't be an obstacle for very much longer.

The android in question was growling out your name, fucking your mouth with so much force that you would occasionally gag around his thickness, which only served to bring him closer and closer to orgasm.

"C'mon Baby, take me, just a little more and I'll come right down that pretty little throat of yours."

You whimpered weakly around Sixty's cock, and something about that sound must have struck the android as particularly ruinous, because mere moments afterward he was fulfilling his previous promise, hand in your hair as he rode out his orgasm with a harsh groan of pure bliss.

Connor, recognizing the familiar sounds of Sixty reaching his end, was more than a little bit eager to hear what would come next, and was not let down by what followed, because immediately after Sixty had backed away and leaned against the wall to get a better look at your fucked out expression, Nines took the opportunity to push into you, having removed anything that might get in the way of that a long time ago

You gasped immediately at the unexpected fullness that followed, and Connor could hardly restrain himself as Nines began thrusting in and out of you, hands on your ass as he set an absolutely brutal pace right from the get go.

"N-Nines!"

You cried out loud enough that Connor could hear you both through the call and through the bathroom door, making him immensely relieved to note that he was still muted, because he really wasn't sure how he could ever explain away the sound of his future wife getting fucked by her two other partners in the next room.

Nines chuckled darkly at your exclamation, and unbeknownst to Connor, pressed his thumb against your clit as he continued to take you fast and rough, quickly building you up to your orgasm with practiced skill, all while pushing himself straight to the edge as well.

"Fuck"

He hissed out between clenched teeth, hands gripping your ass hard enough to leave bruises as he drove into you, savoring every little sound you made for him as he did so.

And then, he said something that nearly made Connor snap.

"Do you want me to come inside of you, little one? Fill you up the way that Connor always begs to? Would you like to feel it drip out of your aching cunt and down your thighs for hours to come?"

His voice was like gravel as he spoke, strained and broken up by the occasional grunt or curse, but even still, it provided Nines with the reaction he so desired.

You gave a sharp cry upon hearing those words leave his mouth, and immediately, Connor knew that you were coming, voice haggard and body quaking as Nines dragged your orgasm out of you ruthlessly, until finally, he too came with a groan, filling you with his artificial seed just as he'd promised he would.

And that imagined visual, of you dripping with Nines' come after he had said such filthy things to you, things that Connor had long since made clear he desired, had him sending Markus a brief message about some contrived emergency before he all but slammed his laptop shut, stalking towards the bathroom with a clear purpose in mind.

This was indeed going to be a very long 2 month engagement celebration for you, and Connor would make sure of that far beyond anything you'd ever experienced before.

masterlist

AO3

#dbh connor x reader #dbh nines x reader #dbh sixty x reader #dbh x reader #dbh x reader smut #dbh connor x reader smut #dbh nines x reader smut #dbh sixty x reader smut #dbh smut #c: nines #c: connor #c: sixty #rk900 x reader #rk800 x reader #dbh rk bros x reader smut

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thedarkdisgrace · 1 month

Text

Thread analysis from my twitter about soukoku & Dazai specific stuff in this DA art since people were interested in my thoughts on it lol reminder it’s my personal interpretations on it.

This is part 2 essentially of the original post. This focuses just on Dazai and Chuuya.

Alright, so I’ll just start by readdressing a point from my other post just for convenience for people who didn’t see the other post. You can reread this or skip down to my newer points. Red thread typically symbolizes those who are destined to be together.

Dazai has the red thread of fate wrapped around his neck. Chuuya has one end & it's wrapped around his wrist, that seems to symbolize he's holding Dazai's life in his hands. It’s also wrapped around the wrist where Chuuya has his childhood scar, the one proving he’s human.

An obvious link to their shared humanity to me, despite they, themselves, not believing in their own. But it’s no surprise Chuuya holds one side of Dazai’s life, we all know they're inexplicably linked & fated. Chuuya is always there to save Dazai & Asagiri said he's the only one who understands Dazai always.

But it's interesting the other half of Dazai's string is first wrapped around his own wrist before continuing to Aku. This essentially saying Dazai holds his own life in his hands. Which obviously seems super accurate since we know his biggest enemy is often his own mind & the hole inside his chest that he has a hard time filling. It's where his suicidal tendencies come from. But essentially, Dazai's life is held only by Chuuya & then himself and I love that detail.

Moving on. Another thing I found interesting about Dazai in this art (& in DA in general) is that he is wearing an all white suit with a black inner shirt. While Chuuya is in his typical black outer coat & white inner shirt.

I believe this choice serves to emphasize the “yin/yang” of their relationship. The red thread bounds them together while their individual natures complement/complete each other, making them whole. Dazai seems to often see himself/his soul as truly dark by nature even as he lives in the light now, so it seems fitting.

He utilizes his darker nature to *protect* the light now, as he understands the darkness (the villains) that come for those in the light. I touched on that above as well.

Chuuya is the opposite but also similar. Chuuya having a “lighter” soul/heart by nature despite being shrouded in darkness. This is showcased in his fierce protective nature of those he cares for as well as the city he protects. His intense, unyielding belief that, despite all he has been through, people are *worth* suffering for, they’re *worth* protecting.

This in contrast to Dazai when they first met who believed “nothing he could pursue is worth the cost of prolonging this life”.

Chuuya believes people are worth it even while still living in the darkness (which it’s important to note dark doesn’t equal evil, everyone is grey and everyone has a role to play).

But even while living in it, *despite* it, he still holds onto his light. His humanity. Humanity is a consistent theme between Dazai & Chuuya.

They both end up making the other feel human, feel alive. Even their abilities are almost named *for* each other.

Chuuya’s ‘no longer human’ when corruption takes over, until Dazai brings him back to it. (Just to be clear, Chuuya is human. That was confirmed).

Dazai is ‘the tainted sorrow’ that Chuuya is able to awaken from that sorrow with his very nature, his vibrant showcase of humanity. I believe it’s his relationship he was able to form with Chuuya that not only kept him alive (“Chuuya convinced me not to die yet”) but also opened Dazai to the possibility that there *are* people worth it out there. It’s why he was open enough to form his relationships with Oda and Ango.

But despite their struggles, despite their methods even, they both are trying to protect what they can. Both have the capability of acting in the light & dark in equal measure.

Essentially, they’re both made up of different light & darknesses but they end up completing each other.

It’s also interesting they put Chuuya on Dazai’s “good” side. The side Dazai’s see the light with. Kinda shows you how Dazai views Chuuya.

—

Something else about Dazai’s clothes, he seems to be wearing a yellow ribbon on his “darker” side. Which I find very interesting given the yellow wrapped ribbon normally represents suicide *prevention*.

Yellow in Japanese culture also tends to represent courage, which is also fitting, it even used to represent role models.

(This next part I’m definitely reading too much into it but I still found it fun and interesting!)

But moving to the next interesting pieces, Dazai is holding an apple in his hand on his “darker” side. Given Dazai talks about apple suicide (+ being called dead apple) it seems these 2 pieces are at odds with each other.

The apple in this context representing death/suicide while the ribbon represents life/prevention.

But Dazai is holding an apple in his hand on his “darker” side. Given Dazai talks about apple suicide (+ being called dead apple) it seems these 2 pieces are at odds with each other.

The apple in this context representing death/suicide while the ribbon represents life/prevention.

So in this art, is the idea of apple suicide representing a dark irony? Dazai seeing death as good fortune? Or is the apple only representing the more surface level contrast of death with the ribbon being life? I think that’s up to interpretation.

Small side note, Chuuya’s hat being placed over his heart is definitely deliberate. The hat that helps protect his humanity, the hat that helps offer Chuuya some control, sitting atop of & covering his heart makes sense. It’s almost as armor, protecting his “light” as it were.

Now to talk about Dazai being the only one “awake” as it were & the specific eye that’s uncovered.

The fact it's the eye that used to be covered in the PM is an important choice. Especially given the eye that was open with the PM is closed.

Dazai seems to be seeing more of the good now, maybe even is starting to see the true value in light.

However, it's only because of his dark past he's been able to survive & help save the ada multiple times. I believe that's why it's *that* wrist, the wrist helping covering that eye that was open while in the mafia, that is bound by the red thread of fate.

That wrist being wrapped up symbolizing how he partly holds his own life in his hands (along side Chuuya holding the other part). His fate is bound by *both* his sides, the light & dark in equal measure.

Dazai holds one side for his own life because not only is he his own worse enemy but he ironically (sadly) can't live completely without that dark side of him.

It's the part that wants him to end his life but it's also thanks to that side & what he went through that he can survive so well now & help others. It’s allowed him to understand the villains they face. Of course his past is a tragedy, but what we go through makes us who we are. At least he can use it to save people now.

Another point, (this more of a stretch) the overall theme here seems to be fate, since the thread of fate is predominately featured.

Dazai being the only one with his eye open, the only one awake, could also mean he knows something about their fates that no one else does.

Maybe since his “light” eye is open it’s a good thing. But it could possibly even be linked to the book, either that he knows more about the book & what it contains more than everyone else or (& this is a much bigger stretch) that he may even have read/seen briefly a piece of the book

Maybe whatever the reason is part of the real reason he picked up both Atsushi & Akutagawa & formed shin soukoku. Because for all his & Chuuya’s might, they need something *specific* for what’s coming. Something only shin soukoku has & we already know Atsushi is connected to the book.

Plus the thread of fate is linking them *all* together here. Some more connected to each other obviously, soukoku together & then sskk + kyoka. But again, this last part is very much a stretch but it’s just something fun to think about.

I hope all this made sense. Like i said, this is all just my interpretations so take it as you will. Everyone is free to have their own interpretations & opinions. I definitely went a little overboard & went deeper than just the art itself but oh well lol

If you made it this far, I hope you enjoyed my interpretations! Again some are deeper than originally intended & some are much more a stretch but thanks for coming to my ted talk lol

#bsd dead apple #bsd analysis #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #dazai #soukoku #bsd #skk #chuuya x dazai #bungou stray dogs #akutagawa ryuunosuke #atsushi nakajima #shin soukoku #daz

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meowmeowmeowmeow4x · 15 days

Text

Dark Blue Moon and the Suffering Sun Chapter 15

I can't believe we're at 15 already :O

MASTAPOST

Danny looked at Damian. Damian looked at Danny. They looked at the smoldering remains of the Atlantean barracks, the scores of soldiers whose feet were frozen to the floor or to each other, bearing incredibly precise scorch marks from the wrist ray (maybe he should take confiscate that soon). They looked at the retreating soldiers, some of whom were openly sobbing. Danny looked at the helmet Damian acquired from their poor Atlantean victims, and the bow and arrow strapped over his chest. He looked at the overflowing satchels full of plant-based food they had plundered from the town. The unluckiest of them sported Damian-shaped bite marks on their exposed skin, a very painful reminder to not enter the kid’s personal space.

“You said we were just gonna get a map.”

Damian crossed his arms and honest-to-god pouted. Or scowled. It was a scowly pout. “It was not my fault you lost control over your powers.”

Danny’s face went blank. “Who was the one who demanded to see the seahorses and stick around even after we got what we needed?”

And you know what? Danny could honestly admit the seahorses were pretty cute. Was it worth risking their lives? Probably not, even if with Danny’s powers, there wasn’t much risk to them at all. It was the principle of the thing.

Damian at least had the decency to look a little embarrassed. “Is it truly my fault if I wish to admire our planet’s marine biodiversity up close?”

“Yes, Damian. Absolutely.”

“It matters not. Besides, the Atlanteans deserve what happened to them.”

Now that excuse wiped the deadpan off Danny’s face, leaving him in open-mouthed disbelief.

Damian continued. “We have done nothing to them, and yet they regard our mere presence with fear, and take up arms despite there being no hostility from us.”

Danny looked back to smoldering ruins. Granted, it was just a barracks and a few watchtowers, but still. The Atlanteans fear of them was starting to feel a little justified. Did the first settlement Damian raided yesterday suffer a similar fate?

He ran his hands down his face. Scratch the bloodthirsty theory. He was beginning to think Damian intentionally got them caught to have an excuse to wreck the Atlanteans. Then there were the weapons. One look at Damian’s satisfied face as he looked over the destruction practically confirmed it.

Man, kids really were menaces, weren’t they? Maybe he should’ve thought more carefully before agreeing to travel thousands of miles alone with this chaos kid. Was it the siren instincts? Youngblood was similarly unhinged. Maybe it just released his inhibitions.

His distress must have been visible, because Damian tutted once his silence went on too long. “I was being merciful to them. With my skills, I could have easily gut them like the fish I very reluctantly eat, but no longer have to thanks to having plundered their food stores.”

“You know what? I’m not gonna even try to unpack all of that. That’s a job for my sister.” The elder siren patted his shoulders. “Get on, we’ve got places to go.”

Damian beamed as he swam around Danny and latched on, head held high. And honestly? Danny would be an absolute hypocrite if he said he didn’t absolutely enjoy whooping the high and mighty bigots a new one.

“Hey B.”

Bruce could hear the strain on Tim’s voice. Even now, the boy was clacking away at the Batcomputer. He probably hadn’t taken more than a five-minute break.

“Tim.” Bruce said. He considered his next words. He was never one for talking much. It had become difficult to emote strongly after that night in Crime Alley.

“Still hacking into the GiW, and going over missing person cases. Haven’t found anything. I’ll post you when I do.” Tim said, all in work mode. Bruce sighed.

“Thank you, Tim, but I know it’s getting late at home. When was your last break?”

Tim didn’t say anything, but Bruce could practically hear the pout.

“I know you’re worried. I am too, but the Batcave will still be there in the morning.”

Tim hummed, still defiant to the last. “We’re losing valuable time. I can handle it. I handled Damian’s… everything. This is nothing. I’ve only been awake for sixteen hours.”

And wasn’t that half the issue.

Bruce took a deep breath. Countless hours of miming with Alfred, and talking to cardboard cutouts of his children.

“I’ve been worrying, Tim.” Just calmly. Just ease into the words. Don’t freak Tim out or scare him away.

“All you ever do is worry, and now it’s Damian so you’re worried even more.”

“I’m…” The lump in his throat grew. It felt like breaking glass to push through. “I’m worried about you.”

Silence on the line.

Bruce continued, stumbling into dark. “H-How are you feeling right now?”

A chair scraped on the other end., followed by retreating footsteps. “Nope. Nope. Not doing this.”

Bruce’s stress hiked. “Wait, Tim!”

The footsteps stopped, although Tim remained silent. Words, words, words, words. What did his manual say about this kind of situation?

“Thank you. I know you and Damian haven’t been on the best terms. But it… It’s…”

Bruce rapidly flipped through his manual, before deciding on the right word, before Tim could get away. “It’s… I’m proud of you. I always have been. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

The footsteps resumed, twice as fast as before. Bruce could barely make out muttering about coffee hallucinations. That was good, was it? Bruce looked over his checklist over and over again. Surely he hadn’t missed something?

Maybe he needed to review his notes before talking to Dick…

Arthur Curry, better known to the world as Aquaman, regarded the messaged sent to the palace from the Pacific frontier. The kingdom had benefitted immensely once the zeta system and advancements in instant communication allowed for him to easily communicate with every corner of the country in seconds.

The contents were worrying. Very worrying, in fact. He would almost have dismissed it as impossible, if he weren’t keenly aware of how much damage a clever enough child could do. Memories of the various Robins’ exploits around the Watchtower flashed through his mind, giving him goosebumps.

Never again.

It was a luxury which appeared unable to be afforded to him, as an attendant entered the room and handed him a second message, bound in twine and seaweed. Arthur thanked her, and opened the letter.

Another raid by the same child, this time accompanied by a young teenager. A young teenage siren. The local barracks destroyed, several watchtowers toppled, and food stores plundered. The two sirens fled soon after. About thirty injured personnel, but no casualties, and no civilian injuries either, thank goodness.

It was one of the strangest raids parties he’d ever seen. Usually siren pods descended on vulnerable border towns like a landslide, bringing dozens or hundreds of warriors charging through the countryside, pillaging farmland and razing whole buildings to the seafloor. Arthur transitioned to the archives to continue his research, pulling thousand-year-old records from their carefully preserved cases. His earliest predecessors had seen countless deaths to these war parties, before the Atlantean military was formalised and modernised.

The raids also occasionally took hostages. Sometimes adults or the elderly. Usually children. Arthur’s heart ached at his most vulnerable subjects being stripped away from their families. Those hostages taken were often never seen again, even as Atlantean forces made repeated incursions into siren territory to search for them. They would always be repelled back before finding any.

But one pattern was always clear with the raiders. Although those barbarians took Atlantean children for whatever sick purposes, they never brought their own children to fight. Some of his people believed they didn’t even have children, that they spawned spontaneously as fully formed spirits of destruction and rage.

It looked like those theories were untrue. But what circumstances could produce such a strange result? The first report only described a single siren child, who looked to be about five years old or so by Atlantean standards. The second report confirmed the reappearance of that child, now in tandem with a teenager who still appeared very young. Were they brothers? The reports stated the older one had translucent white and black skin, almost like glass, to the point where even his internal organs were faintly transparent. The younger siren sported a dark green coat, and golden fins and highlights. Neither before or after they struck did the soldiers ever catch a glimpse of an adult.

Could they be orphans? Arthur’s heart panged. Even if they were technically his enemies, he hated the fact that children were the victims of this continued conflict. Despite attempts to work out a peace treaty between his kingdom and the sirens, it could never work out. Atlantis was one kingdom with one king, but the siren pods spent as much time squabbling between themselves as with Atlantis.

Outside of their age and lack of supervision, the children also sported another deviation: Their choice in weaponry. While the capital invested in preferred to traditional weapons, favoring especially polearms like the spear, trident and javelin. Siren war bands in the past favored the bow and arrow, using their superior speed to outmanoeuvre and outrange Atlantean soldiers. Many men and women were lost to their feigned retreat tactics, to the point where every new recruit had to be drilled again and again to never pursue ‘retreating’ sirens.

The elder of the two raiders fought with only his magic, firing icy beams and throwing spears of ice. This was where the duo was most similar to typical siren warriors, contrasting against the disciplined and measured sorcery taught to Aqualad and others his age.

What was alarming was how the younger boy fought. He slashed at one poor soldier who got too close with a sword in his first attack. Mauled six others with his teeth in the second. At ranged he wielded a strange contraption on his wrist, capable of rapidly firing concussive energy beams that let him suppress and disrupt soldiers triple his size.

The sirens were never interested in technological development in the same way as the Atlanteans did, and never had they possessed a weapon even close to as advanced as the one sported by the tiny child.

Arthur’s eyes furrowed. Could it be that some third party was supplying Atlantis’ enemies? How long before another army gathered, before the kingdom faced another existential threat like Pariah Dark had once posed?

Arthur’s Justice League communicator vibrated. The king of Atlantis picked up the call.

“Arthur.” It was Bruce. “This is urgent.”

“What do you need?”

“What information has your kingdom got on sirens?”

“What a coincidence, because I’ve just received two new reports from the Pacific frontier…”

“… As for this Phantom character, the culprit of the attack seems to match your description perfectly.”

Bruce furrowed his eyes. He marked the location where Phantom had last struck. The boy was heading south, along the California Current. For what reason? Was he migrating according to his needs as a species, or was he searching for another haunt? Was he going further south or would he turn west once he neared the equator and follow the current there?

Six months of stalking a human town, fighting off other sirens, only to abandon it once the GiW came out in force, and then start marauding Atlantean settlements out of nowhere? Something extraordinary had to have happened. According to Arthur, Phantom had never been seen by his soldiers before. Perhaps Phantom had completed whatever goals he had in Amity, and was transitioning to his next move on Atlantis.

Phantom was young, or at least appeared young. Likely no older than fifteen. The fact that no records show any similar pattern of behaviour ruled out the possibility of it being some kind of coming-of-age ceremony. It seemed Phantom was an outlier among his species.

If sirens travelled in pods, then where was Phantom’s?

“It’s funny you mention that, since he wasn’t alone. There was a tiny child with him. I think he was about five years old or so. The boy carried weapons like a warrior, and blasted my soldiers with energy beams from a futuristic wrist gun. I’ll sent you the sketch the commander sent me.”

Bruce confirmed his receipt of the sketch. His eyes widened.

Emblazed on the gun’s side was a very familiar logo, a flaming blue F for Fenton.

The conversation ended soon after, with Arthur promising to forward him translated copies of the reports.

Bruce clasped his hands, holding them tight as he pondered (not brooded, despite what Dick insisted).

It seemed Phantom’s lack of morality couldn’t sink further. He had manipulated Amity Island teenagers into assisting him, and now he was leading what was basically a toddler half of Damian’s age into dangerous battles against trained soldiers.

Bruce’s will hardened with righteous anger. This Phantom was barely fresh off his last crime before preying on another child. He had to be stopped.

Suddenly he had three children to save now.

Please be ok, Damian…

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