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#and i can count on one hand the amount of times ive seen her cry in my life
bl00dw1tch · 1 year
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Am i. Emotionally unavailable?
#horse.txt#todays rambl brought to you guy the guy on grindr who said that i seem to have problems with intimacy and it shook me so bad i had to ghost#having a case of the Realizations. sigh#i just#fuck#ive always been told that im an old soul and that im super mature and open and that my issues with intimacy are Just abt romance#but then this mfr had to go and pry and make me realize it definitely is Not just limited to that#i talk so fucking much i was so willing to believe that im actually ok with meing emotional with people but thats not true is it#i just like to overshare. specifically because it feels like being intimate without actually saying anything of importance#so its like. its helps me lie to myself#my mom. i dont hate her for it but i knows shes a big part of all of tgis. because of course she is shes the only constant ive ever had#and i can count on one hand the amount of times ive seen her cry in my life#and even then. only one or two fingers. if#memory issues aren't helping#dad was emotionally unavailable too of course. my feelings about him are a whole nother thing though#point is im kind of crying my eyes out right now because its becoming increasingly obvious that im fucked up in too many tiny ways#to live a normal life. but theyre so small that nobody would every listen to me try to explain that thats why i am this way#i want intimacy i want to feel seen i want to feel understood but thats so hard to find even for normal people so what hope do i have#no motivation no dreams no fucking nothing#vent //#sorry. this was supposed to be lighthearted but#yknow
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theamberwriter · 3 years
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Always Be My Hero [Pro! Eijiro Kirishima]
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A/N: I read THIS by @dreamy-writings and was inspired to write this, lol
Warning: Angst, cursing
Pair: Pro Hero! Eijiro Kirishima x gn! Reader
Word Count: 1.6k+
*~*~*~
"Oi, you need to talk to shitty hair," Katsuki snapped, throwing a bunch of flowers on your bed.
Mina sat on the edge of the mattress, took your shoulders in her hands, and gently shook you. "Please, [Name], Eijiro has gone off the deep end."
"I'm sure just Ei is just a little stressed," you tried to sound soothing. "He's been working a lot -"
"We wouldn't be here if we didn't think it was serious," Denki urged.
"He's going to hurt himself," Katsuki growled. "Don't need both you idiots out of commission."
"We know, after everything, we shouldn't be bothering your healing time. But…. Eijiro needs you." Mina hung her head in defeat. 
Just what was going on? When your fiance was home, he was as cheery and bright as you'd always known him. Was he different at work? With his friends?
"Shitty Hair thinks this -" Katsuki gestured to your broken arm and leg, the bandages around your head, your sprained ankle and broken ribs, the numerous bumps and bruises, the multiple hairline fractures and surgery incisions, and the antibiotic drip the hospital sent you home with. "Is some how all his fucking fault. That damn idiot won't listen to us! He's been working the hell out of himself. Spends hours beating himself up."
You felt like you cracked in half. Like a bit of you shattered. Not the ones from being thrown into buildings and trampled on by a giant villain. But deep down in an untouchable place. You felt like you broke apart. 
Knowing you caused your beloved so much anxiety and stress had boiled up in him. Maybe you should've seen it. But he was just so happy. Glued to your side, helping you bathe, helping you get to the bathroom, changing the bandages on your head - assuring that he still thought you extremely attractive, even though you were going to have a hell of a scar going from the middle of your hairline down under your left ear. He was always smiling and joking when he was with you.
"The wheelchair they gave me is in the closet," you muttered, eyes on where your hands were balled around the blankets. You had to be strong. Normally, Eijiro was your rock. Now the tables had turned.
Mina pulled out the wheelchair while Denki and Katsuki helped get you out of bed. Luckily you'd asked Eijiro to help you into sweatpants and a decent t-shirt before he left for work. You asked for one of your shoes to put on your uncasted foot (which was wrapped in an ace bandage instead). Then unhooked the IV and pinched the line. The bag was nearly done anyway.
"I'm ready when you all are," you muttered. A silent tremor passed through the room. Then you all were out the door.
In his agency training facility, Eijiro was giving all he had to a punching bag. Sweat poured from the hardened ridges in his skin. He felt the solid bag meet his fists, but none of it was satisfying. None of the hits eased the guilt.
No amount of punching had shaken away the image plaguing his mind. You lying in bed, barely seeming to hold on. The doctors said you had internal bleeding, a concussion, then listed off all the broken parts. A bit of himself broke with each word.
Eijiro had bawled hysterically when the doctors left and he was alone with your unconscious body. He gripped your hand, begging to anyone who would hear him. Asking them to let you pull through. That, in exchange, he'd get stronger. No matter the cost.
Eijiro was determined to keep your spirits up. To not let you know how much he'd been suffering. You couldn't imagine the wells that wanted to overflow the first time your eyes opened. The first kiss you gave him after waking up. He felt like bursting, you'd been returned to him.
In exchange, he'd train himself raw. He'd push himself past his limit. It didn't matter what Katsuki, or Tamaki, or even Fat Gum had to say. Eijiro was going to protect you next time. For now he'd train. Then go back to you at the end of the day with a smile, no matter how much he hurt or how tired he was. Coming home to you, hooked to an IV and barely able to move around the house - that image drove him.
Eijiro had been so excited to have you home. But every time he looked too long at your casted arm, or uncovered the puckered gouge on your head. Everything reminded him he hadn't been there to help. To save you. Deku had been, he lifted that gargantuan off you like a pillow. Eijiro didn't think he'd ever have been able to do that. So he was going to train until he could.
You hadn't complained once since you'd been home. Only grateful when you'd gone out a few days after to greet your fans. There were so many who thanked you for saving them. Each felt like a bit of a hit to him. You'd saved all those people and he didn't even manage to save you. Was he truly a hero if he couldn't protect those he cared about?
It didn't matter to him that he was a five hour plane ride away when it all happened. Eijiro had gone to do some publicity stuff with other heroes. He had to hear it from an insensitive reporter who asked how he felt knowing his fiance was in the hospital. But he hadn't. He didn't know. His fellow heroes outraged at the question and Eijiro was on a plane back to you within the hour.
He swore he'd be there next time. That he'd never let anything like this happen again. Eijiro had gone in the plane bathroom and had a good deep cry a few times. When he saw the videos, read the articles, saw all the people asking Where was Red Riot? He hadn't been there. He'd let down the one person he never wanted to. It broke his heart into a million bits. He didn't think he'd ever be able to repair himself.
Eijiro cried as he punched. No one would be able to tell through the sweat. But each and every punch got harder, and so too did his tears.
Pitying looks were passed your way as Katsuki pushed you through Eijiro's agency. You stopped in briefly to talk to Fat Gum. He looked so put out and desperate. He said he'd tried everything. But everyday, Eijiro had been in the facility's gym. Working himself until he bled or passed out. 
Katsuki pushed you, Mina and Denki in tow, down the halls to the gym. You heard the blunt hits long before you saw the doors. Each one grating into your mind. You were never going to forget the hot guilt that bit at you with each thud.
Katsuki pushed you to the gym door way. It was empty, except where your beloved stood hardened to the max, shirtless. You saw a bit of blood dripping from his back. The punching bag was losing sand and stuffing. A defeated one laid in a lump on the floor already. You watched a long minute. Then you realized each grunt turned more into a cry or a wail.
You turned to Denki, and held out your hand. He gave you the crunch he'd been carrying. Luckily the arm and the leg you'd broken were on the opposite sides of your body. You hauled yourself up, your friends helped steady you. Then you limped your way across the gym. Finally, you came into view in the mirror in front of him.
A few spots on Eijiro's face were bleeding. His eyes were blown out. His features scrunched up in….there wasn't a word strong enough to explain the pain. The anguish. The despair. His eyes met yours and, all at once, he broke down. 
Eijiro collapsed to his knees. His quirk finally releasing him. Sobs still wracked his shoulders, they shook violently. But his sobs were silent now. Though you didn't miss the tears that dripped onto the floor.
"Eiji," you cooed and lowered yourself to the floor.
He shook his head. "You….sh-should be-e….hom-m-me. He-healing."
"You need me more." You put a hand on his shoulder. Eijiro latched on to you. You didn't care about the blood, sweat, or tears, or how much sitting that way hurt. You just needed to get him to breathe now.
"I -" he hacked. "I'm not strong enough. I'm not….I'm not manly enough. Even now. What if you get hurt again - or worse? Because I couldn't….I can't…."
You shook your head and kissed his damp hair. "Eijiro - honey, listen to me, it wasn't your fault. Really. This was me being overconfident. It was my own fault. You're an amazing hero. Thousands of people look up to you. You have to stop beating yourself up. You're being the best hero you can be. And I love you for every bit of who you are. No matter what happens to me, you'll always be my number one hero."
Eijiro sobbed harder, gripping you closer. You didn't complain at the protesting throbs of pain screaming all over your body. You sat a while longer. When he was finally feeling better, he carried you back to your chair. Then he took a quick rinse in the shower before pushing you home. Your friends had prepared everything for a movie night when you got back; movies, drinks, takeout. 
You could see the relief in their faces.
You still caught him giving you long, guilty glances. You would only lean over and kiss the look away. But you could never know the weight of what you said. He wanted to eat, sleep, live, and breathe by that creed.
You'll always be my hero.
~
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wedreamedlove · 3 years
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[FIC] Dandelion
Rating: G Characters: Li Zeyan/Reader Word Count: 1589
Prompt: Hi! I really like your writing 🥺! Thank you for your hard work❤️❤️! If you don't mind can I request a headcanon about Victor when MC is hospitalized because she is fainted due to her overwork, and when she gain her consciousness she try to leave the hospital because she is worried about the important filming at her office, but Victor chase her and make her back to hospital's bed? I will really happy if you grant my request 🥰🥰
A/N: Thank you for your kind words! I ended up writing this in my usual 2nd person perspective but the experiences are of the MC in the game. If that bothers anyone, oops, you can re-imagine this to be written in 3rd person perspective.
Something like fuzz encroaches at the edges of your vision and your head feels like it's filled with cotton. None of these are good signs and, to be honest, you know you're at your limit after working 60 hours for the past three days.
You're able to get away with this—as well as the enormous pile of energy drinks on your desk—only because Anna is away on a business trip for another project, meaning no one else in the company dares to make you take a break. Oh, there are people who make gentle suggestions to rest but none of them can budge your determination to perfect this important contract you had accepted. Last minute changes had been added to the outline and so, to ensure everything is still on schedule, you have to pull this insane work schedule.
But you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to finish looking through the last 20 pages of this document in front of you.
You rub your forehead to stave off the building tension in your head and reach out with your other hand for a drink. However, your hand only bumps into empty cans around you and you grimace as you realize you have to make another run to the nearby convenience store to buy more drinks.
When you stand up to do just that, extreme vertigo assaults you and your last thought before your vision goes black is 'Oh... this isn't good.'
#
You wake up to an extremely white ceiling.
It's pure white.
It's so white that, for a second, you morbidly wonder if you really overdid it this time. But then the rest of your senses make themselves known and you smell the antiseptic scent of a hospital, you feel the crisp sheets below your hands, and you think you hear someone breathing.
You turn your head to the side and your gaze collides into eyes the color of steel. It's Li Zeyan, and with an incredible scowl no less.
"You're awake."
You struggle to sit up and swing your legs to the side of the bed, but he places a large hand on your thigh immediately, obstructing your movement and pressing you down.
"What do you think you're doing?" Li Zeyan's voice is clipped. Uh oh, someone isn't happy.
"I have to get back to the company."
He gives you an incredulous look. "Do you realize what state you're in?"
His words make you notice you're in a hospital gown and there is an IV drip attached to you. You wince slightly at the sight of the needle in the back of your hand but another thought soon takes over your mind.
"Wait, how long have I been here? Did I miss the deadline?" Your voice rises in desperation and there's a suffocating weight on your chest when you think about how all your earlier work might amount to nothing.
"Idiot, how are you still thinking about work? You truly don't understand your condition. You hadn't had any proper sleep or food and the amount of energy drinks you were drinking was dangerous. Even though you're still young, if you continue like that you could do irreparable damage to your body. You—" He cuts himself off and his eyes widen. "Are you... crying?"
You reflexively reach up to touch your cheek and your fingertips come back wet. You blink and Li Zeyan's figure goes blurry as more tears well up in your eyes.
"Sorry, it's just a physical reaction. Don't mind me. You can keep lecturing. I'm listening," you choke out through a tight throat. Frustration, embarrassment, and mortification strangles you.
You roughly wipe at the tears, wanting them to stop right now before you see the exasperation in Li Zeyan's eyes. Intellectually, you know he's right and you don't want it to look like you're crying to get him to go easy on you. There have been many times where you feel childish and inadequate compared to him and so you don't need to come off even more as a baby throwing a tantrum.
But the tears just won't stop. Your shoulders shake with the effort you use to suppress your sobs.
A hand holding a tissue box appears in your lap.
"Cry it out."
You shake your head like a rattle drum.
"... What haven't I seen?" Li Zeyan's voice is low and even, and it's when he places a hand on your head that your last resistance crumbles.
You hunch over, automatically trying to stifle your gasps, but you end up crying your eyes out anyway.
You cry, and cry, and cry. You cry about the pressure of the deadline. You cry about the fear of not being able to make it. You cry about the anxiety and worry over whether you're doing enough or whether you're good enough. You cry at how hard it is to be be a successful adult.
The entire time you can feel the soft pressure of Li Zeyan stroking your hair.
Eventually, you calm down enough to start pulling wads of tissue out of the box to wipe your eyes and blow your nose as the last of your tears trickle to a stop. All your emotions feel raw and sensitive, but you have to admit you feel a lot better.
Li Zeyan takes your dirty tissues before you can say anything and tosses them into the wastebasket below the bed. Then he levels an unreadable gaze on you and, just as you're about to squirm and open your mouth, he speaks first.
"Why are you working so hard?"
"Huh?"
"No one pushes themselves like this unless there's something very important they're trying to achieve. So, what is it for you?"
"... You're going to think I'm dumb."
He stares at you flatly and you can see that he's clearly thinking it's a bit too late for that.
You look down at the hospital sheets and pick at a loose thread. "I want to catch up to you."
"Idiot." He actually scoffs out loud but continues before you can decide how to react to that, leaning back in his chair. "Do you know why I created Huarui?"
You blink, caught off guard. You know it isn't a family business and that he started the company when he was in his final years of university. But did he ever say why he created it? Because he could? Li Zeyan standing at the top of the world seems as natural as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, so you never questioned it.
He sees your confusion and explains, "I was looking for the girl who saved me when I was a child. I searched for her for 11 years."
Your childhood memories are still vague but you do remember the more recent memory of the film set where you and Li Zeyan had been tricked and how you jumped in front of Li Zeyan to shield him. You can almost feel the ache and burn of the lightning strike again if you think hard enough.
Li Zeyan continues to look at you, his eyes calm without any ripples. "I built Huarui and made it rise to the top because I thought that, if I stood in the highest place I could think of, then she would have an easier time finding me. Of course, the position itself also allowed me to increase the extent of my search for her."
"In the end, I did find you."
A wry smile flashes across his face, so quick you doubt your eyes. "Yes, you found me first, and so my choice wasn't the wrong one."
You know he's trying to tell you something but, try as you might, you can't figure out how the current conversation connects back to the previous one. As the silence grows, you see exasperation appear in Li Zeyan's eyes before he sighs lightly.
"Now, after all these years and efforts, do you think I would walk away? You only need to reach out and I'm right here, waiting for you."
His words crash into you, bringing with them a sudden epiphany and new perspective. You reach out without a thought, as if to touch him and make sure he really is there, but then you realize how silly that looks. Before your hand can drop though, he covers the remaining distance and grabs your hand, wrapping your entire hand within his and entwining your fingers together. The familiar warmth and steady strength makes your eyes sting again and you drop your gaze to your interlinked hands, not wanting him to see you cry again.
You finally realize you've been mistaken all this time. You were being crushed by your own expectations and desires to stand beside him. In your head, you imagined him to be walking ahead of you, his back growing smaller and smaller. But that isn't true at all. Yes, he stands in front of you, but he isn't moving. Instead, his body is turned to yours and he's holding a hand out towards you, waiting for you to take a step. If you fall, he will catch you. If you take a firm step and grasp his hand, he will take another step forward and wait for you there.
"I'm not going anywhere." The words were low and solemn.
"Mm."
Against all odds, you both found each other again and so there is no way either of you will leave the other.
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starions · 2 years
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"no, sorry, you laughed.. ive never seen you do that before, it's pretty" i forgot the exact sentence as i was typing I'm so sorry.....
"no, sorry, you laughed.. ive never seen you do that before, it's pretty" for percistair :)
1219 words (this got away from me)
fluff? first encounters? kind of?
Alistair heaved his sword out of the darkspawn��s corpse with a grunt, watching the lifeless body flop over with a thud. Though he shouldn’t be, he was surprised by just how many darkspawn were in the Korcari Wilds, and this close to camp too. Whether or not this was a real Blight was uncertain—though Duncan was sure of it, and Alistair trusted the man with his life—but one couldn’t deny that the amount of darkspawn here was overwhelming.
The journey to gather darkspawn blood and the Warden treaties was tiring but necessary. The recruits Duncan found helped—somewhat. Ser Jory, a trained knight, was startled at the first sight of the darkspawn, yet soon began hacking them down with ease. Daveth, it seemed, picked up some fighting skills from his years as a pickpocket, and was useful in taking out the grunts of the pacts.
The girl—Percy was the name—had Alistair worried for her. She held onto her twin daggers like she’d never touched them before, and was constantly shaking like a leaf. She wore her armor awkwardly despite it fitting well, and Alistair couldn’t count on his fingers how often he’d saved her from being stabbed to death by a darkspawn sword.
In all honesty, if the Joining didn’t kill her, she might die out here in the Wilds. She was nobility, not trained for a life such as this. Duncan picked her for a reason, though, and he had to respect that decision.
Nevertheless, the group pressed on deeper into the wilds. Often Alistair would check over his shoulder to check on the girl, though she never met his glance. She’d spoken less than a handful of words to him in the small time they’ve known each other, and always had a distant, empty expression in her cold blue eyes. Alistair had heard little of exactly what transpired in her family’s castle, but he knew enough to know that it had traumatized her deeply.
The deeper they walked through the wilds, the more jittery Ser Jory became. “Perhaps we should turn back? We have the blood, and it doesn’t seem like the treaties are here. We should go back. Let’s go back.”
“Quit your whining,” Daveth shot back, “aren’t Grey Wardens supposed to be all high and mighty and brave? You don’t think your pretty wife back in Highever would think you a coward?”
“It’s not cowardly to admit we are walking into a death trap! We got what we need; we can tell Duncan we didn’t find the treaties! What good are we if we die in the wilds, huh?”
“I don’t plan on dying here, ser knight. You on the other hand might if you complain any louder; the darkspawn might think you a crying babe and say ‘Oh! Here’s lunch!’”
The group was stopped now, Alistair and Percy watching the two. Alistair with annoyance in his eyes—he never knew what to do when he led—and Percy with nervousness in hers. She wouldn’t say it aloud, but she agreed with Jory.
Jory’s hand fell to the hilt of his sword. “Do you think I’d let a pickpocket speak to me like that? Have some respect for a knight of Redcliffe!”
Alistair watched as Daveth took a step toward Jory, hand reaching to grab a dagger that was strapped to his back. “I’d sooner respect a nug than a man who abandoned his pregnant wife.”
“Enough!” Alistair said, stepping in between the two with his own sword drawn. “Our task was clear. We return three vials of darkspawn blood and the Grey Warden treaties. We cannot settle for anything else. Is that understood?”
The two men let their arms fall with a huff, and even Percy was taken back by the tone of his voice. It felt like she was being scolded, and she was not the one causing any issue.
Alistair sheathed his sword, running a hand through his hair. “Maker’s breath. You two have me acting like some sort of Chantry sister. Do I need to adorn the robes and recite the Chant of Light as well?”
The two recruits glanced at each other before shaking their heads no.
“Good, because if it comes to it, I will. And my good robes are in the wash.”
The sound of Percy giggling made Alistair look toward her, eyebrows raised in shock. Not that he would be shocked at any woman laughing at his jokes—though it was seldom they did—but he had never seen her smile, let alone laugh. It was a delightful sound, like bells, something beautiful that didn’t belong in the darkness of the Korcari Wilds.
Percy noticed his expression, and her face immediately fell. “What?” She said meekly. “Is something the matter?”
“No, sorry, you laughed… I’ve never heard you do that before,” Alistair said, wincing at his own awkwardness. “Let’s get moving then, the temple that Duncan said the treaties would be in should be just ahead.” Alistair hoped she wouldn’t notice his change of topic.
Percy did notice, unbeknownst to him, but stayed quiet as the group trekked forward into the depths of the wilds. She didn’t know what to make of Alistair, just yet. He was funny, kind, and knew how to lead this small group of recruits, though Percy could see how uncomfortable it made him. He also didn’t pry into her life, even though she knew he knew at least some of what transpired. She appreciated that, at least.
Soon, Alistair was leading the pack, and Percy wasn’t certain she wanted to be walking with Daveth and Jory. They weren’t like Alistair; if she fell behind, they wouldn’t wait for her to catch up. She assumed they forgot she was even present. Instead, Percy picked up her pace to catch up to Alistair, much to his surprise.
He said nothing, though he wanted to, and occasionally glanced at the girl as they walked. Finally, the silence became too much to bear for Alistair, and he cleared his throat. “It’s pretty.”
Percy perked her head up with a hmm?
“Your laugh,” Alistair said, chuckling nervously. “It’s pretty. I’m, ah, I’m glad one of my bad jokes made you laugh.”
Percy blinked in shock, then gave a shy smile. “Oh, thank you,” she paused, “and it wasn’t that terrible of a joke. I’ve heard worse.”
“Oh, you don’t know how relieved that makes me,” Alistar said. “To know there is someone out there with worse humor than I, well I think that just made my day.”
“I know something that will make your day even better.”
“What’s that?” Alistair said with a smile, glancing down at the smaller girl. It dawned on him that this might be the longest conversion that’d had with each other, sad as it was. He had never seen her smile that wide; it made his stomach burn.
“I have an extra pair of Chantry robes you can borrow.”
Alistair’s face broke into a full smile and he laughed so loudly even Daveth and Jory shared a glance. A fleeting thought came and went in Alistair’s head as he gazed down at Percy, with her face covered in blood and grime, apples of her cheeks red and a smile that made her eyes crinkle. If any of these recruits survived the Joining, he hoped it was her.
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Top 10 Controversial Horror Films That Are Famous For All The Wrong Reasons *gags* *cries*
At the beating heart of horror is offence.
From that undeniable sense of something not being quite right, to the CGI-blood-spurtin’-adrenaline-fuelled scenes that leave us shaking in our boots, horror pivots on the knife edge of controversy.
It’s used to drive plots. It’s used to drive hype. And at the end of the month, it drives studio executives to the bank.
Horror films can be traumatic enough. But there are some films that bear the cross of controversy more than others. There are some films that have been branded as so damaging to their potential viewers that merely circulating copies of the film is illegal.
And yet their infamy has forged cult viewership. What was once shielded from us has now become ‘must see’.
Today we are going to be counting down horror’s most controversial films and what made them quite so topical.
*I’m going to star the ones that you can actually watch without getting traumatised. Some are controversial not because of their content but because some religious or political groups disagreed with them*
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#10 - The Blair Witch Project (1999)*
Let’s ease in with a classic - a classic you can watch without sleeping with the light on.
In this found-footage flick we see a team of film students as they explore a local urban legend. But what they find leads them to unknown and ungodly territory.
The problem with this film is that it was marketed as a true story. No, not based on a true story, a true story. Yep, they claimed what we were seeing was real, found footage of some teens going mad as they forage deeper into mysterious woods.
IMBd went so far as to report that the actors were dead. Then, the movie studio super-charged their efforts to confirm to the public that not only was this film 100% real, the three main actors were still missing. The parents of the actors then started receiving sympathy cards.
There’s even a mocked up website that perpetuates these claims. 
#9 - Night Of The Living Dead (1968)*
Time for another not-too-disturbing film.
This is the original zombie apocalypse film saw a group of Americans attempt to survive an incoming attack of the undead while trapped in a rural farmhouse.
But the Motion Picture Association of America wasn’t too happy about it. The film rating system was yet to be in place, allowing children to also show up for an afternoon screening and be greeted by a 97 minute montage of extreme violence.
“The kids in the audience were stunned. There was almost complete silence. The movie had stopped being delightfully scary about halfway through, and had become unexpectedly terrifying. There was a little girl across the aisle from me, maybe nine years old, who was sitting very still in her seat and crying”
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#8 - Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)
In this psychological film, we watch a random crime spree take place at the hands of a couple serial killers. Loosely based on real murderers Henry Lee Lucas and Ottis Toole, its controversial reputation was founded on the gore ‘n’ guts screened in the movie.
Whilst it didn’t receive much attention from the public, various classification boards across the world ensured new versions edited with certain scenes - often involving sexual assault and necrophilia - removed for viewers.
In 2003, the BBFC (the UK classification board) finally allowed the uncut version to be released and Australia followed suit in 2005.
#7 - I Spit On Your Grave (1978)
It’s the original rape-revenge flick. And it managed to piss everyone off.
Originally titled Day of the Woman, it tells the story of a fiction writer who exacts revenge on a group of four men who gang rape her.
Despite its pro-women claim-to-fame, the 30 minute rape scene begs to differ. Furious debate surrounds its feminist label as a film that forces the audience to endure rape from a female perspective and long-winded violence against men (something which is often reserved for women in horror). Regardless, the graphic violence earned it a steady ban in Ireland, Norway, Iceland, and West Germany.
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#6 - Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)*
You don’t get many controversial Christmas films. They typically stick to a cookie-cutter plot ‘n’ purpose every holiday season. But there are no strong women who need to rediscover the meaning of Christmas here.
Instead, we see a child traumatised by seeing his parents murdered on Christmas Eve go on a seasonal rampage as an adult.
A week after its release in the early 80s, it was pulled from theatres due to backlash. Marketing was focused on a Santa Claus killer with adverts often airing during family-friendly TV programmes and meant numerous children developed a phobia of Father Christmas. Large crowds protested cinemas with one notable protest involving angry families singing carols at the Interboro Quad Theater in The Bronx.
It was only in 2009 - 25 years after its original release - that a DVD of the film was first made available for purchase in the UK.
#5 - Psycho (1960)*
This legendary film follows the disappearance of a young woman after her encounter with a strange man called Norman Bates, one of horror’s most iconic figures. The controversy that would engulf this fim lay not in the violent attack on an innocent woman or even the disturbing content of the film.
Oh, no. It was because of what the leading lady was wearing.
In the opening scene of the film, we see Janet Leigh wearing nothing but a bra.
*gasp*
This racy attire was emblazoned across promotional material, meeting Hitchcock’s high standards of creating controversy around the movie. There was a no late admission policy for movie theaters, and the posters told viewers “Do not reveal the surprises!” to maintain a mysterious aura around the plot twist.
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#4 - The Human Centipede (2009) (all of ‘em)
I’ve watched a lot of horror films, in case you couldn’t tell.
I’m used to watching a scary movie, shaking off the anxiety, and moving on with my life. But there are some that stayed with me. I only watched the trailer for the first movie, and it legitimately traumatised me. It gave me quite a severe, sudden bout of a depression for a solid month when I was 13.
Throughout horror’s goriest franchise, we see an evil doctor and amateur mad scientist attempt to sow several people together into a centipede-like chain from mouth to anus.
*retches*
At the heart of promoting the franchise was controversy. Tom Six, the director, forced a narrative that claimed from the first film that this was "100% medically accurate". He even alleged a Dutch doctor helped inspire the film, confirming that with an IV drip, this was entirely possible.
Although it didn’t receive furore that amounted to serious censorship or long-term banning, it was infamous for having its viewers vomiting in the cinema aisles.
The second film, however, was subject to much more severe controversy and could not legally be supplied in the UK until 2011 due to its heavy focus on sexual abuse, more graphic violence than the original film, and it’s pretty vile depiction of a murderer that was intellectually disabled.
Audiences were used to the graphic nature of the franchise by the third and final release. As the least-controversial and least-enjoyable film according to critics, it barely made a dent in the horror community.
Good riddance, I guess?
#3 - Faces Of Death (1978)
I’m not sure I’d recommend this one per se - but I will give it credit for being an interesting project.
This documentary-style film is a montage of footage of people dying in different ways. As a result of its very graphic and very real content, it was banned and censored in many countries. Only in 2003 was it released on DVD in the UK after a scene was cut featuring dogs fighting and a monkey being beaten to death.
Germany, Australia, and New Zealand followed suit, reversing their bans and releasing edited versions.
However, 7 years after its release, the media revamped its interest in the film after a maths teacher showed it to his class at a Californian high school. Two of his students claimed they were so traumatised they received a costly settlement to reimburse their emotional distress. Things took a darker turn a year later, when a 14 year old bludgeoned a classmate to death with a baseball bat; he claimed he wanted to see what it would be like to actually kill someone after watching Faces of Death.
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#2 - Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
This Italian film’s title alone hints towards two frightening things: flesh-eating humans and genocide. In this found-footage movie we see an anthropologist lead a rescue team into the Amazon rainforest to find a group of filmmakers that went missing.
The rampant graphic content including sexual assault and animal cruelty showcased in the film (7 animals were killed during filming in some pretty horrific ways) led to it being banned in 50 countries.
Some also alleged that a handful of deaths seen in the film were real, as were the missing film crew. In fact, the actors portraying the documentarians signed contracts that stopped them appearing in motion pictures for an entire year to maintain the illusion of reality.
And only 10 days after its premiere, the director was charged with obscenity and the film confiscated. All copies were to be turned over to the authorities. There are currently a range of versions that have been edited to varying degrees and are allowed for circulation.
#1 - A Serbian Film (2010)
No.
Nope.
Don’t do it. Don’t watch this film.
A Serbian Film follows a retired porn star who agrees to feature in an “art film” for some cash. Little does he know this film will include rape, incest, pedophilia, necrophilia…
Just don’t watch it.
It is still banned in South Korea, New Zealand, Australia. It is supposedly a parody of politically correct films made in Serbia that are funded by foreign groups and allegedly speaks openly about post-war society and the struggle for survival.
*shakes head*
Off to have a 3 hour shower, brb.
If you, uhhh, liked this post please like and reblog.
And if you want to hear more about horror and the supernatural every week hit follow!
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mediocre-writerr · 3 years
Text
the nights [leah rilke]
leah rilke x reader
part 2 of 3:00
requested by anon: omg can we please get a second part of 3:00 where the girls come up with an escape plan and when leah goes to her room and she’s not there. she finds her hooked up to sedatives and did get sick like she was scared she would LETS CONTINUE THIS ANGST TRAIN
warning: mentions of overdose and ptsd
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*not my gif*
“Isolation isn’t that bad,” you remember telling yourself that every time back before the island.
For example, whenever you said no to a party and they’d tease you about you would just say: “Isolation isn’t that bad,”
Turns out it is.
You don’t know what happened, but your PTSD got worse. The amount of times Dr. Fader was sending nurses in to sedate you was becoming more time than you could remember.
But as they kept coming in the less it started working and the more doses they started giving you.
You don’t remember what happened, but the entire day you were feeling a little uneasy. You had a bunch of dizziness, difficulty breathing, and felt cold the entire day. So you tried your best to fall asleep and for the first time ever you fell asleep peacefully. Little did you know, that your life was on the line.
The facility hallways were dark at night. After taking a page from Leah’s book the girls all snuck in napkins and shoved them in their doors. Everyone except for you, who apparently missed the memo because the girls were now on their way to grab you and get out of the shit hole.
Leah remembered putting the napkin there to allow you to walk in and out freely. But with your state of mind it was a lot harder for you to remember simple things.
She pushed open the door to see your room empty, even checking the bathroom to make sure you weren’t in there, but came up empty.
“Where is she?” Fatin whispered.
Leah shrugged, “I don’t know, but I don’t have a good feeling about this,”
“You never have a good feeling about anything,” Rachel pointed out and Dot smacked her arm, “What? I’m not lying,”
“We don’t have much time Leah, we got to find her if we want to get out of here,” Dot mentioned.
And for some reason the blue eyed paranoid brunette just knew. The aching feeling in her stomach just seemed to be proving her point.
She left her room in a quick dash leaving the other girls far behind, “Leah, wait,” Shelby whisper-yelled as the girls followed suit.
The brunette was already far ahead, walking as quickly as possible to the medical center. She peeked her head around the corner and made sure that there was no one there. Before entering the examination room.
And there you were. A IV hooked up to your arm and a ventilator covering your beautiful face. Leah let out a shaky breath rushing over to your side immediately, her face filled with tears.
She let out a small cry when she noticed a tube in your esophagus and a small machine sucking stuff up out and into this small bag.
“Baby, what happened?” she whispered, brushing the hair away from your face as she watched your sleeping face.
There was no way she could leave the facility now, not with you in this condition.
“Leah! How could you leave us-“ Toni was about to scold her when her eyes landed on your condition. The blue eyed girl turned towards her friends with tears pouring down her face.
“What the hell happened?” Fatin questioned.
Leah let out another muffled sob, “I knew. I knew she was struggling and I just wanted to be with her and stay with her, but they took her away. I knew she was going to be sick. I should’ve been with her, I should’ve,” she whispered over and over again.
Shelby rushed to her side, pulling her close and holding her. The two grew close ever since the incident where the blonde decided to cut her hair and have a small breakdown.
Dot just stood there in shock, horrid flashbacks started filling her mind from when her dad was sick. But she snapped it out of it as quickly as she could rubbing at her eyes.
She scanned the room for some type of chart and found one right by the door. As she skimmed over the chart she realized her mouth opened agape. All of the girls were sitting around your bedside or trying to console a now sobbing Leah.
“What happened Dot?” Leah asked, noticing the somber look on her face.
She didn’t quite know how to say it, but she tried her best, clearing her throat, “Y/N’s in a coma right now,” and that’s all it took for Leah to sob even louder, despite the crack in her voice Dot continued, “She was given too many shots of sedative liquids to the point where the higher does caused her to overdose,”
“They’ve been sedating her?” Rachel asked, “Like we’re in some fucked up asylum. Have they done it to anyone else?”
Most of the girls shook their head, but Leah nodded. It only happened to her twice, but never as more times as you experienced it.
“Agent Young found her unconscious in bed,” Dot whispered.
“I should’ve been there with her,” Leah mumbled.
Shelby wrapped her arms around the girl, “You couldn’t have known,”
“But I did. One night Agent Young got me out of my room to help her because her PTSD caused a panic attack. I knew she was gonna get sick and Dr. Fader came in and took me away. He wouldn’t let me stay with her and the next thing I know she’s in a fucking coma!” she explained.
“We can’t leave now guys,” Toni brought up, “Not with the state that she’s in. I don’t know about you guys, but we have lost way too many people to lose her too,”
“She needs us,” Fatin whispered.
There was a clearing of throat by the door. Everyone’s head snapped to the side. There Dr. Fader was, disappointed again at the sight of all of them out of their room.
“Why are you guys here? How did you even get out?” he asked, but none of the girls were going to answer, “All of you need to leave right now!”
“What are you gonna do, huh? Sedate us to the point of overdose like you did Y/N!” Toni screamed.
“See now that’s not fair, Y/N was struggling with some major anxiety and PTSD, she needed something to help keep her calm,” he explained.
Dot scoffed, “You’re a doctor, right?” he only nodded, “Then you should know that sedatives are highly addictive and your body gets used to them the more you use. You practically set her up for this!”
“I should’ve been there with her,” Leah finally mumbled, yet again, “I should’ve fucking been there with her!!”
Everyone seemed to shrink at the sound of her screams, “My girlfriend is on the brink of death because you wouldn’t let me stay with her. She didn’t need sedatives she needed me, she needed us!”
The girl collapsed back into the chair that she was once sitting in, lying her head on the edge of the bed. She grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers together, your skin was cold against her warm ones. She squeezed your hand tightly.
“Love, please, I’m sorry. I should’ve been there, I should’ve been there,” Leah kept mumbling to you.
“There’s no harm in this,” Shelby tried to explain, “We just want to be here to support our friend and make sure she’s okay,”
“I’m sorry I can’t do that,” he snapped his fingers like an ominous villain in one of those classic movies.
There were five nurses with needles in their hands and bigger agents with them. Agent Young was nowhere to be seen. The agents wrapped their arms around each girl.
“Hey get your hands off of me!” Fatin screamed as the liquid was being shot through her.
Toni and Dot were putting up a fight even elbowing the agents in the face, but at the end of the day it was no use, “Fuck you!” Toni yelled before going limp along with Dot.
Every girl seemed to be out for the count when arms wrapped Leah to steady her. She flailed in their arms, “No let me go! Please! Just let me stay with her! Fuck!”
No one was listening to her though. She placed a small kiss against your cheek, trying her best to push off the inevitable doom.
“I’m sorry, I should’ve been there,” was all she could get out.
Isolation isn’t that bad.
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viking-raider · 4 years
Text
Bound - Part 14 *repost*
Summary: Henry’s called all your family on the way to the hospital and helps you settle in when you finally get there. The labor is really hard on you, but, Henry does everything he can to make you comfortable and support you. Henry, cuddling, playful bickering and listening to sappy songs, is what helps get you through and in the end, your and Henry’s daughter is finally born.
Pairing: Henry Cavill/Reader
Word Count: 3,783
Rating: PG-13 - Fluff, Arranged Marriage, Pregnancy, Protective!Henry, Protective!Kal, Pain and Comfort, Labor
Parts:  Pt.1, Pt.2, Pt.3, Pt.4, Pt.5, Pt.6, Pt.7, Pt.8, Pt.9, Pt.10, Pt.11, Pt.12, Pt. 13
Author’s Note: The Henry and Kal protective train keeps on rolling! I really love writing this story, there’s so many places I can go with it!
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Henry had called his family and yours to let them know you were in labor, as he drove you to the hospital.
When you were admitted and shown to your room, Henry helped you undress and get into the hospital gown. You sat up in the hospital bed, letting the nurses put in an IV port and everything else they needed to do to make sure your labor and delivery went smooth. Your OB came in a little while later to check on you, see how you were doing and to see how dilated you were.
“It looks like you've just dilated to three centimeters.” She told you, waiting patiently for the contraction you were having to subside. “So, you're officially in active labor and it's just a matter of time until its time to push.”
“How long can that take?” Henry asked, curiously, rubbing your arm as you relaxed.
“It varies, it can be as short as three hours or as long as five. But, all mums are different, especially new ones.” She explained to him. “We'll check how dilated you are in two hours, and go from there. Do you have any other questions?”
“No.” You shook your head at her.
“Nope.” Henry smiled, squeezing your hand. “How you doing, babe?” He asked after the doctor left.
You turned your head and cracked an eye open at him, giving him a look. “What do you think, Witcher?” You asked, smirking.
“I think, you're doing really well.” He blushed, pressing your knuckles to his lips.
“Well, at least one of us does.” You chuckled, pressing your free hand to your stomach as it slowly started to firm up again. “What did your parents say?” You asked, taking deep breathes and preparing yourself for the inevitable.
“My parents, Charlie and Heather are booking a flight to come out here.” He told you, rubbing your back as you leaned forward through the pain. “Your mom and Luke are doing the same thing.”
“Cool.” You said, letting out a long breath.
Henry got up and grabbed one of the wash clothes by the sink in the room and wet it with cold water, sitting down on the edge of the bed, he gently wiped the sweat from your face, pressing the cold cloth to your forehead, the sides and the back of your neck. You smiled softly at him, you always loved how caring and attentive he could be, the amount of love and affection he showed you never creased to amaze you. Henry smiled back at you, resting his hand on your flushed cheek and leaning forward to kiss your forehead.
“Can I do or get anything for you?” He asked, setting the damp cloth aside.
“I'd kill for a cuddle.” You laughed, grinning.
“Shove over, then.” He laughed back, motioning at you with his hand.
“Are you really?” You giggled, surprised.
“You want to cuddle, we'll cuddle.” He said as you rolled onto your side and carefully laid down next to you, draping his arm over your side and gently caressed your belly.
He kissed the back of your shoulder as another contraction came, rubbing your tense stomach, shushing you as you whimpered and whined in discomfort and pain, pressing your back against his chest and grabbing at his hand, squeezing so hard you felt his joints pop and he grunted at the pain, but he didn't pull it away, you needed it more than he needed you to not break his hand. He kissed the back of your neck, when he felt your body go slack against his, wrapping his arm around your torso and hugged you back against him, curving his legs into yours, so you both laid in a near ball together. He picked up his head a few minutes later, when you started laughing.
“What's wrong?” He frowned, rather concerned that you were laughing so hard after a contraction.
“We're spooning.” You laughed, tears dripping down your face.
“Yeah, you wanted to cuddle...”
“I know, but...” You panted. “You're the big spoon, I'm the medium spoon and Lily is the little spoon.” You explained, and started laughing afresh.
Henry pressed his forehead to the back of your neck, and started laughing with you, grinning into your back. “I didn't even think of that.” He chuckled, pressing his lips to your spine.
“I've seen a lot of things.” Your OB said, walking into the room. “Spouses cuddling in bed, is one of them. But, I've never seen them laughing, while they cuddled.” She grinned, chuckling herself.
“Sorry, she made a funny observation.” Henry laughed, shaking his head and getting up.
“It's quite all right.” She assured you both, pulling on a pair of gloves. “Laughing during labor is actually very beneficial. It helps relieve tension, increases air intake and therefore increases oxygen intake, and helps give the full benefit of your endorphins, nature’s painkiller.” She explained, sitting on the edge of the bed, and started checking how dilated you were. “Five centimeters, you're half way there, y/n.” She praised you, smiling brightly.
“Thank god.” You sighed, resting your head back on your pillow.
“Just a little bit longer.” She assured you, then went to make her other rounds.
“I'm going to go get a drink, you want something?” Henry asked, standing up and patting his back pocket to make sure he had his wallet.
“Ice.” You told him.
“Just ice chips?” He made sure.
“Yes.”
“All right.” He nodded, kissing your temple and going out. “Mum!” He grinned, getting off the elevator on his way to the cafeteria.
“How is she doing, sweetie?” Henry's mom asked, hugging him.
“She's doing amazing.” He smiled, hugging her back. “She's five centimeters now, so a few more hours and the baby will be here.”
“How are you holding up?” She asked, rubbing his arms.
Henry took a deep breath, held it for a long moment and let it out, his shoulders dropping. “I'm scared shit-less, I don't know if I'm ready to be a dad. I don't even know, if I'll make a good one.” He raked his hand through his hair and looked down at his mom, reminding her of the little boy that would call her crying everyday at boarding school.
She rested her hands on his face and smiled up at him. “You are going to be an amazing father, Henry. I know you will, and so does y/n.” She assured him, kissing his cheek. “What room is she in?”
“She's in room 18C.” He told his mom, hugging his dad as he came up behind her. “Where's Charlie and Heather?” He asked.
“They're at the hotel settling the kids in, they'll be over in a bit.” His mom told him, pressing the up button for the elevator.
“All right, I'm going to get a drink and y/n some ice chips, so I'll meet you up there.” He said and went down to the cafeteria.
“Marianne!” You grinned as your mother-in-law came into your room.
“Y/n.” She smiled at you, throwing her arms around your neck and kissing your cheek. “You look glowing, love.” she told you, brushing your hair out of your face.
“That's very sweet of you.” You blushed, smiling at her.
She laughed, patting your cheek and moving out of the way so Henry's dad, Colin, could hug you next. You all talked, Marianne would hold your hand and use a cloth to wipe your face, while you had contractions, talking you through it and offered her support to you, Colin got you some water and tried to stay quiet and out of the way. Henry finally came back up to the room with his drink and your ice, he kissed your temple as he gave the ice to you. He'd been detained by Charlie and Heather arriving, they'd left the kids at the hotel with a friend to watch them. They all stayed in the room with you and Henry for a while, before the contractions got to be too much, then removed themselves to the family waiting room down the hall. A nurse came in and gave you a shot of Pethidine in thigh, to try and help with the pain, since you were refusing a epidural.
“You're doing so good, baby.” Henry encouraged you, rubbing your back and shoulders as you stood bent over your hospital bed. “I'm proud of you.”
“Easy for you to say.” You panted. “You're the one with the cock.” You told him, flexing your back and shoulders.
“I know.” He smiled, not taking anything mean you'd say personal, knowing it was just the pain and exhaustion talking, it was something he'd learned to expect from the baby books and birthing classes. “I'm still proud of you.” He told you, moving back and letting you pace the room.
“Thanks, Puppy.” You sighed, pressing your hands to your back.
Henry grinned as you held your arms out to him, wiggling your fingers for grabby hands and he crossed the room to you, letting you rest your arms on his shoulders, hands caressing the back of his hair and rested his hands on your hips, you started to sway together, like you had back home.
“How about we set the mood?” He grinned at you.
“Oh, lord.” You smirked. “Leave it to you, to wanna have sex on the maturity ward.” You teased him as he moved away.
“No.” He blushed, going into the baby bag he'd packed.
Henry pulled out a small speaker, turned it on and opened a music app on his phone, pulling up the labor playlist you and he had put together over the last few months, pressing play. You laughed, hearing Tell Me Baby, by the Red Hot Chili Peppers start to play, softly.
“Tell me, Baby, what's your story?” You smiled, singing the song to him as he rested his hands on your hips again and you put your arms and hands where they had been on his shoulders and in his hair.
“The thing we need is, never all that hard to find.” Henry sang back to you, grinning.
“Run for cover, my sense of fear is running thin. Undercover! Just like a candle in the wind, Tell everybody, tell everybody. Brothers, sisters, the ending is coming.” You sang to Henry, resting your forehead on his and closing your eyes. “Ohhhhh...We are fallen, we are fallen...Ohhhhh, We are fallen, we are fallen. Now, we're just gonna ride it out.”
You chuckled and rested your forehead on Henry's shoulder as Paul Anka's song Put Your Head On My Shoulder, started to play. Henry smiled, caressing the back of your hair and pressing his lips to your temple, shushing you as he felt the warmth of your tears drip onto the skin of his neck as a particularly hard and agonizing contraction tensed up your body.
“You're so close, Nugget.” He whispered into your ear, as you just let yourself have a moment and released all your pain, exhaustion, crankiness and just the general feeling of really being over being pregnant, in a good cry. “Two more centimeters, a bit of pushing, and it'll all be over. We'll have our beautiful daughter in our arms, and it will be worth it, I promise.” He purred, his lips brushing against the cove of your ear and wiped the tears off your face. “I love you, y/n. I am so proud of you. You're going to be an outstanding mother, because you are a phenomenal wife. None of this has been easy, the last two years, for us. Being shoved together by our parents, our first year, the divorce...”
“That lasted ten minutes.” You groaned, throat tightening.
“Still, it was hard.” He whispered, pressing his lips to your ear. “Then, you getting hurt and what happened after that. I know, this pregnancy hasn't been easy for you either. But, we got through it, Nugget. Both of us, together, as one, and we can get through this. Together.”
“As one.” You said, softly, relaxing and feeling better. “I love you, Henry. So much. You're going to be an amazing father, just like you are an incredible husband.” Henry rested his head on your shoulder and the two of you stood there at the foot of your hospital bed, resting against each other, swaying and rocking to the sound of the playlist that was still going, streaming out All of Me by John Legend. How insanely appropriate.
“Henry.” You whispered, almost soundlessly.
“Y/n.” He whispered back, rubbing his hands up and down your back.
“I have the very strong urge to push.” You told him, gulping. “You might wanna get the nurse.”
“All right, let's get you into bed then.” He said, very calmly, and guided you back to bed, making sure you were comfortable, before going to the nurse's station, to tell them you had the urge to push.
A nurse came into the room and check your cervix, finding you were now fully dilated. Things got chaotic after that, Henry rushed out to the waiting room to tell his family that you were getting ready to do the real work, then came back to you. You gripped his hand, super tight, nails digging into the top of his hand, but his focus was on you, using his other hand to mop the sweat from your face.
“You'll be all right.” He said, seeing the fear, you finally let show. “I'm right here.” He told you, gripping your hand with both of his and touch his forehead to yours.
“Don't go.” You panted, and let out a painful groan and whimpered.
“I'm not going anywhere, sweetie.” Henry smiled at you, brushing your sweat damp hair out of your flushed face, looking at you with most tender expression. “You're stuck with me.” He chuckled, starting to shake as emotion and adrenaline kicked in, it was finally hitting you both.
This was it.
In a matter of moments your sweet little girl would come into the world, and life as you both knew it, the life you and Henry screamed, fought, slipped, clawed together, shattered, redefined and created, through it all, was once again changing, for something so much more precious. It was never going to be the same. The world outside would look so different to both of you, seen through the eyes of parents wanting to protect and nurture their child, at any and all costs. This was the last puzzle piece to the picture, and the picture in a whole was so blissfully beautiful and bright.
You threw your head back, every inch of your body drawing tighter than a piano wire, and screamed, the veins in your neck showing as you did. The pain of the contractions now was unbearable and you really regretted foregoing the epidural, it was too late now to get it, too. So, you went to the next best thing, your hand trying to find out how much pressure it had to exert to break Henry's hand, which you so far hadn't achieved, thankfully, and yelling.
“Holy fuck!” You snapped as the nurse helped you bend your legs, getting into position for pushing. “You have to get her out of me, NOW!” You yelled, tearing at the sheets beneath you with your free hand. “Don't you fucking laugh at me, Henry William Cavill, or so help me God!” You threatened him, as he chuckled at you,
He didn't exactly find the situation funny, you were in agony and trying to birth his daughter. But, even being the hot mess you were right now, sweaty, flushed, crying and seriously pissed off, he still found you irresistibly gorgeous. He did find it humorous that you busted out his full name, yelling at him like he was your child, that was being naughty.
“Is this what our daughter has to expect, when she's in trouble?” He asked you, between contractions and smirking at you.
You rolled your eyes and your head in his direction, making him laugh yet again. “I swear, Henry...” You didn't get to finish the sentence as another one hit, and Henry decided to drop it.
“Are you ready to push, y/n?” Your OB asked, positioning herself between your bent and open legs.
“I was ready to fucking push; nine months, a week and three days ago.” You told her, straining against the pain and resisting the urge to push, until she told you too.
“You've been keeping count.” She said, amused and shaking her head. “Let me have a quick look, and we'll see, if you're really ready to push.”
“Fuck me!” You howled, arching your back and whining.
“Y/n.” Henry smiled, shaking his head at your choice words during the contractions. “Our daughter's first word is going to end up being, fuck.”
“Oh, fucking go to hell, you little shit!” You barked at him, purposely putting several cuss words into the sentence. “You say, fuck, more than I do.” You accused him, making murderous eye contact.
“Geralt!”
Henry instantly blushed, a huge and shy smile on his face as he dropped his chin to his chest to hide it. “More than fair.” He mumbled, still to shyly embarrassed to look you in the eye again, or any else in the room for that matter.
“All right, y/n.” The doctor cut in, smirking at your and Henry's banter.
She usually had the wife screaming at the top of their lungs about how much they hated their husband for doing this to them, or angry that they were touching them. But, she rarely saw you and Henry not touching throughout the long seven hours you'd been in the hospital, with some rather painful laboring, or arguing with each other.
Bickering, yes.
But, that's not the same thing. It rather impressed her, and part of her wished more of her patients and spouses were like you and Henry, it made her job a million times better; since she didn't have to play referee between them and goalie for the baby.
“I think, we're on time to push.” She told you, getting comfortable between your legs. “All right?”
“Yeah.” You nodded, out of breath.
“You need to calm down now.” Henry whispered to you, in a gentle voice, petting your hair and caressing the side of your face with his knuckles. “Just focus on your breathing, clear your mind as much as you can and stay relaxed, and calm.” He coached you, so focused on you, that the pupils of his blue eyes were like pin pricks. “I'll be right here with you, the whole time, you have nothing to be afraid of, or worry about, all right.”
“Minus, pushing a whole human out of my body.” You said, trying to put the humor you actually felt about it, in your voice, but failed. Luckily, Henry got the jest of what you were trying for and kissed your cheek.
“Y/n, the next time you feel the need to push, whether it's during or after a contraction, do it.” the Doctor instructed you. “When you do push, I want you to hold it for five, then relax. All right?”
“Right.” You nodded, taking deep breaths in and out.
A few moments later, the very strong urge to push happened and you did what the doctor said, pushing down and held it there as she counted. One....two....three....four....five. Then, relaxed again with your eyes rolling shut, you were so exhausted and spent, and you'd only just got to the hard part. Another urge, another push and count to five, relaxing again. You did it several times, Henry praising you from your side, the doctor encouraging you from down between your legs.
“This is the most fucked up ab workout, ever.” You groaned, relaxing after another push.
“Soon, you'll have better abs than I do.” Henry joked back, wiping a cold cloth across your face.
“You can keep them.” You snorted, grunted and starting pushing again.
“You're doing fantastic, y/n.” the Doctor smiled. “I can see her head, so she's starting to crown.”
“My Princess, already.” Henry grinned looking down, but could see anything with your gown in the way.
“You are a fucking sap.” You chuckled, shaking your head and bearing down again.
“That I am.” Henry smiled, rubbing your back through it. “I have my Queen, and now I'll have my Princess. What more could I ask for?”
“You can ask her to come out faster.” You retorted, letting out a deep breath.
“That request might be filled in the next two or three pushes.” the Doctor told you.
“Two.” You told her, stubbornly.
“Then, make them good.” She remarked, looking up at you and smirking.
“Challenge, accepted.” You smirked back, and when the next urge came, you pushed as hard as you could.
“Little bit more.”
You took deep breathes in and out, in and out, staring up at the ceiling and preparing yourself. It wasn't any different than being on the track. If you could take a nasty fall on your bike and get up, and walk it off. Then, you could give one hell of a last push and welcome your daughter into the world, asking her what took so long. Henry could see the wheels turning in your head as you laid there, waiting for the next push, and knew that that one could be the one to do it. You'd grown exhausted and highly stubborn, a combination that made you dangerous. You slowly closed your eyes, feeling the urge start to build in the base of your stomach, spread up your spine and take control of your mind. Taking a sharp breath in, tensing every muscle you could and bared down with all your strength. Then, felt the incredibly strange wet swoosh from your core, a great pressure relieved in your stomach and let out the breath you were holding and laid back down.
A moment later, the absolutely magical sound of a babying crying filled the room and you knew everything was all right in this new world, feeling Henry's lips on yours and hearing his excited voice, you dozed off for a few minutes.
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marvelgurl · 3 years
Text
Off-Limits: Part 7
Characters: Tom Holland X Reader Osterfield (eventually), Harrison Osterfield
Word Count: 3270
Warnings: Language, Angst, Fluff, 
A/n: This is Part 7 of the Off-Limits series. I am going to start off by saying I am not a dancer, in any way, shape or from. That being said if the dance part of this fic doesn’t make sense I’m sorry, I did try my best to make it make sense. What I can say is that I love music, I am very passionate about it as well. Hopefully that will make up for the “dance” writing. (probably not though)
I used choreography from this video (not all of it but small bits)
Song: Inner Demons By Julia Brennan 
Tags are Open for this series.
As always Feedback is always welcome. Good and Bad, it really does helps me.
Also Sorry for the super late upload. I hopefully will have part 8 uploaded on time.
Tumblr Masterlist  Series Masterlist
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“Tom…”
You looked around for him, but all you saw was your mother sleeping in a chair next to your bed. You could have sworn you heard his voice.
Great I’m hearing things. You let out a sigh as you thought to yourself.
You closed your eyes, throwing your head back onto your pillow. You brought your hand up to your face, as you tried to rub it across your face you realized that it was harder than it should be. You opened your eyes to see your hand was wrapped in gauze. You couldn’t remember what had happened. You started freaking out a little bit. The machine that was next to you started beeping loudly, which wasn’t helping you at all. You covered your ears as best as you could.
Your mother woke up to the noise, she looked over to see you grabbing your head. She came over to you, she put her hands on the sides of your face.
“Y/n, honey you need to calm down.”
The door opened, nurses and a doctor came rushing in. They were moving around checking everything. One of the nurses put something into your IV. You opened your eyes to see your mother looking at you, you focused on her and slowly your heart slows back to a normal rate.
“Mom…” You felt like a child again, tears welling up in your eyes. You grabbed her arm to pull her closer, she just held onto you.
Harrison and Tom came running through the door. They had seen the nurses and doctor run into your room. They were prepared for the worst. Once they saw that you were awake a sigh of relief washed over them. Harrison came up next to your mother and hugged the both of you. After a few moments you all let go, tears were threatening to fall from all of your eyes.
You looked up to see Tom standing close to the door. You made eye contact with him, only to realize he was on the verge of crying as well. Then you started thinking about what you had heard. Did he actually say those things or was it all in your head? What about Nadia? You quickly looked away from him once your doctor started speaking.
“Well, not exactly how I thought you would wake up, but I think I can speak for everyone when I say we are glad your awake.” Everyone agreed.
“You just about gave me a heart attack Y/n.” Harrison gently pushed your shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I woke up to…” You stopped yourself, you looked towards the door at Tom and back down again. “I can’t remember what happened. I saw my hand all wrapped up and I just freaked.”
Tom couldn’t help but think that you had heard everything that he had said. He really hopes that you did because he meant every single word. Now he just needed to figure out whether or not you would even allow him to come back into your life.
 “Y/n, there are somethings I would like to discuss with you.” Your doctor looked around at your family and Tom. “Is it okay to speak with everyone in this room?”
You looked over to Tom. He was about to leave when you spoke up.
“Ye… Yes.” You had a feeling you knew what this was about. It was time for it to come out. It’s time for the truth to come out.
“Okay.”
The doctor had Tom move over to where Harrison was, so that it was easier. He went over to his computer. Pulling up your file, before turning back to the four of you.
“You came in about a month ago for a checkup, all of your levels were where they should be. Yesterday we did some blood tests when you first came in, now they are way below where that should be. You are severely malnourished. I am also positive if I were to have you stand on a scale you would have lost quite a bit of weight. Not to mention the damage to your liver, from the alcohol.”
You had put your head down when he was talking to you. You could feel everyone was staring at you. You let out a shaky breath and you brought your legs up to you. You were trying to make yourself as small as possible. You could feel yourself starting to retreat. Trying to get away from this, but now it was time to talk.
“I lost myself.” You looked over to your mother, Harrison, Tom before looking back at your hands. “I haven’t been eating very much, some days not at all. I sleep too little or too much, not finding joy in the things I used too. I definitely not talking about my feelings when I should have.”
“Y/n.” Harrison put his hand on your shoulder. You didn’t look up, you just kept talking.
“I let my mental health deteriorate and it took a massive toll on me physically as well. I was starting to slowly pick myself the fuck up. That was until yesterday. I saw Luke and it all just started coming back.”
“Why didn’t you talk to someone?”
“I couldn’t. Not with how things were. I was trying to do it by myself. I’m sorry.”
Your doctor started talking to you about treatments and he strongly suggested that therapy would be helpful. He wanted to keep you for a couple of days, to make sure that you stay on the right path. He left you with your family and Tom for a while. He had other patients to go see but he would be coming back to check on you.
You called your boss to let her know that you couldn’t come into work for a few days. You let her know what had happened. She was more than understanding, she was happy that you were okay. She told you to take as much time as you need.
After you got off the phone with her, everyone sat there in silence. They were in shock and didn’t know what to say. Your mother had to go to work, she hugged you for a little while then kissed you on the top of the head. Tom got up to take her home, but Harrison stopped him once again. He whispered something to him before leaving with your mother.
“Y/n...”
You looked up to see him getting up to move closer to you. He stopped just before getting to your bed. He was looking down at his hands.
“Tom…” He looked to you. “I need to ask you something.”
“Okay.”
“Were you talking to me when I was out? I heard your voice, but I don’t know if it was really you or just my brain trying to mess with me.”
“Your brain wasn’t messing with you darling.” He moved a chair to sit right next to your bed. Once he was sitting down, he grabbed ahold of your hand. “I was talking to you. I don’t know how much you heard of what I had said, but I can tell you that everything I said was completely true.”
“Damn It Tom!” You took your hand back. “You can’t say things like that, you have a girlfriend.”
“No, I don’t.” He leaned back in his chair.
“What? What happened to Nadia?”
“We broke up the day after I helped you home from the pub. I was just so focused on you all the time. Like I said earlier I fell in Love with you a long time ago. That wasn’t fair to her, and I couldn’t do that to her. We talked about it for a while, and we decided to break-up.”
“Tom… I can’t do this.” You could see tears welling up in his eyes, and you could feel them in your eyes too. “I love you, but I need to figure things out. I need to get back to myself before I bring someone into this. It wouldn’t be fair to you at all.”
“Darling I understand.” He grabbed your hand again. “I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to lose you again. Not in my life or…” You squeezed his hand.
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
You pulled on his arm to get him to stand up, you pulled him into a hug. You just held onto him. Eventually you let go, but just to move over. Tom laid down, pulling him into you. The two of you just stayed there long enough to fall asleep.
With the amount of damage, you had done to your body, you had to stay in the hospital for a week. You had a fair amount of visitors while you were there. Your boss came to visit you a few times, some of your coworkers came to see you as well. Your favorite visitors were the Holland boys. They were there the most. You hated that they had to see you like this, but you were happy to see them.
There were times that you were alone. Those were the worst moments; you hated the quiet. You could only watch so much television. You were going stir crazy by day three, but you knew that there was no way they were going to let you go home. You were able to talk your doctor into letting you go home at the week mark. He only allowed it if you had someone at home to help you and make sure you are staying on track. Harrison was more than happy to stay with you.
Harrison and Tom came to get you from the hospital. When you got to your flat, you were hesitant to even walk in. From what Harrison told you about that night, you didn’t know what to expect. The boys saw your hesitation.
“Y/n, Its okay. We are here for whatever happens.” Harrison put his arm over your shoulders before pushing open your door.
“okay…”
You slowly walked into your flat. Making your way through, there was an uneasy feeling coming over you. especially when you got closer to your bedroom. You stopped in front of the door, taking a deep breath before turning the knob and pushing it open. When you flipped the light on you were expecting the worst, but to your surprise it looked like nothing was out of place.
You looked at the dresser and you saw a different lamp, a new jewelry stand and a new bottle of your favorite perfume. You also saw scratch marks in the wood, you slowly traced along them with your finger. Your memory of that night started coming back, it looked like someone had cleaned everything up as well. The glass and the blood were gone. You started feeling the bubble slowly coming back. You stopped and just started breathing. It calmed you down enough to keep going,
You looked over to your bed where you had left the photos, but they weren’t where you left them. Instead, they were made into a collage. When you got closer, you saw some other photos, and notes in there too. Photos you remember throwing away when you were upset. You climbed onto your bed, taking it off the wall. You sat down and just stared at it, there were some photos in the collage that weren’t even in your box.
You saw the notes were from friends and family. Your heart was so full of happiness that once again you started crying. You can’t believe that someone would do this for you. you pulled the frame close to you, you just hugged it.
You didn’t notice was the boys standing in the doorway watching you. They were both smiling. Tom wanted to make you feel more comfortable when you were able to come back home. He talked to Harrison about it, then they put his plan in motion. Harrison was the one who cleaned up the blood and replaced the things on your dresser. Tom reached out to some of your friends and asked them to write notes to you. He also searched through a bunch of photos to find the right ones. He made sure to leave space around the edge for you to add more in if you would like. He was just so happy that you liked it.
You look up to see the boys, then set the frame down on to your bed. You got up and walked over to them, pulling them into a hug.
“Thank you.”
You guys spent the rest of the night talking and watching movies. It was like old times; you were glad to have them in your life again. You didn’t want this to go away. You were fighting to stay awake, instinctively you curled into Tom’s side.
“I think it’s time for someone to go to bed.” You felt a small chuckle go through him.
“No, I’m awake. I’m just resting my eyes for a second.” You could hear Harrison laughing too.
“Oh, is that what it’s called. What about the snoring?”
“Warming up my vocal cords?”
“Alright. Let’s go.” Tom stood up, grabbed your hands to pull you up. You let out a groan in protest.
“Tom, I want to stay out here.” You looked up at him trying to give him puppy dog eyes and you pursed out your lower lip ever so slightly.
“That’s not fair darling.” He looked over to Harrison. “A little help here mate.”
“Nope, I am staying out of this one.” Harrison put his hands up. He just smiled at the two of you.
“Fine, you win.” He let go of your hands, but he moved to a different seat. He just gave you a smirk.
“Rude.” You keep eye contact with as you moved over to Harrison and placed your head on his shoulder. “I guess us Osterfield’s need to stick together.”
“Y/n, you really should go to bed.” Harrison looked down at you.
“I guess I am a little tired.” You stood up sending Tom a smirk before walking to a closet and pulled pillows and blankets out for the boys. You placed a set on the couch next to Harrison and placed the second on Tom’s lap.
“Goodnight boys.” You walked to your room, closing the door behind you. Tom was right you needed to sleep. You were exhausted, it seemed like as soon as your head hit the pillow you were out.
Tom and Harrison just watched as you went to your room.
“Ugh. Your sister is going to be the death of me.” He just threw his head back.
Harrison just laughed at him. “Come on mate, just get some sleep.
After a couple of days, you decided to go to the studio. You needed to clear your head. Your boss had given you a key, so you could work on your solo piece. You don’t know how much you would accomplish tonight but you still needed to try.
Harrison and Tom tagged along. They wanted to make sure you got there safe. They also just wanted to hang out with you. After getting inside the building, you lock the door behind you guys. You didn’t need to turn on the lights, there were emergency lights along the hall. They were spaced out enough that it lit the whole thing up.
You went to the changing room, quickly changing into the clothes you had in your locker. You walked to the main studio and flipped on a few lights, before heading to the control booth. The guys just sat along the wall; they didn’t want to disturb you too much. Turning on the system and plugging in your phone. You still haven’t picked a song, which is the worst. That should have been the first thing, but nothing was sticking out to you. You decided to just let your music play, hopefully something would just come to you.
You walked out to the center of the studio and just laid down, laying your arms out to the side. Half of your body was in the light and the other half was in the shadows. You closed your eyes, breathing in and out, just listening to the music. You were trying to feel every beat. You wanted the music to do all the moving for you. You wanted to let go of all the control you had and just be in the moment.
The boys started recording you. This was the first time in a while that they saw you dance. They watched you closely to see what you were going to do next.
Slowly you began to move, you kept your eyes closed the whole time. As you sat up you kept your head back and slowly rolled it around till it was faced down. Your hair fell down off your head and surrounded your face. Letting your arms drag behind you, while pulling your legs in, making yourself sit Criss-cross. Your hands moved to cradle your head; you moved your head from side to side. Taking your right hand, moving it across your body to your left knee, pulling it up. Quickly letting go, you move your right hand behind you to prop yourself up. Then swinging your right leg around, causing you to pull yourself up slightly. Your body ended up in the dark part of the studio. Your right foot was now flat on the floor, causing your leg to be in a 90-degree angle, while your left knee was on the ground.
You put your elbow onto your knee and your chin into your hand, before throwing your head back. You bring your arms around to brace yourself, as you move your body to the ground. Once you hit the ground your left hand is extended out above your head, while the right is keeping you propped slightly off the floor. You move your legs up slowly so that you are almost in the fetal position, but before your legs could even hit your stomach you threw them out.
Moving onto your back. You planted your feet on the ground, lifting up your pelvis, while your hand grabbed at your shirt like multiple people were trying to pick you up by your shirt. Then you dropped your pelvis back down and lifted up your torso up and down, almost like you were doing half sit-ups.
You worked through the rest of the song. Just letting your body do everything.
You could hear the music coming to an end, quickly you ran over to the booth. You grabbed your phone and paused it, it had two seconds left in the song. You were just staring down at your phone out of breath. Your hand came up to cover your mouth, you could feel yourself getting emotional again. You backed up to the wall and sank down. You pulled your knees to your chest and buried your face in them, your arms just wrapped around your legs to hold them in place.
The boys came running after you. when they say you on the ground, they were worried that you were going to have another anxiety attack. Harrison kneeled down in front of you, he placed a hand on your shoulder. You looked up to see his concerned face. You smiled at him and placed one of your hands on top of his.
You sat there for a little while, eventually you just felt emotionally drained. You got up and took your phone, turned everything off. You went and changed again, then you left.
Off-Limits Tag list: OPEN!
@aidinniram
@houseofflufff
@justafangirlduh
@shrutipatel08
@thevelvetseries
@bella03riv
@call1800coochie
@adriannauni 
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punksarahreese · 3 years
Note
hi hello could i maybe get "I don’t wanna die this way" for lone star? please hurt me however u choose
Hello^^ you certainly can 😌🌸
Don’t want to (die) | Marjan Marwani
Canon; A call goes awry and no one was expecting this outcome
Prompt: “I don’t wanna die this way”
Word count: 1515
CW: mentions of dying and medical emergencies
Send me prompts from the Penelope Scott lyrics list
***
It’s not a call that Michelle was ever expecting to get, or maybe it was something she just prayed would never happen. No amount of manifesting would prevent this, though, and Owen’s frantic tone over the radio had her heart dropping.
“Ladder 126, EMS needed immediately at our position,” Michelle wasn’t prepared for the words that followed, “Code 26.”
Injured firefighter, EMS required.
That had Nancy rushing for their bags from the rig, throwing them on the gurney as quickly as she could. Michelle was already running ahead, calling back for Tim to stay there and look after their patients, her own bag bouncing against her thigh with every movement. She cursed under her breath as she stumbled, worry for her crew clouding her awareness. Code 26, not an uncommon code in this line of work but certainly not one she had heard for a while. The last time she did must have been when TK was shot, which had been a whole other kind of chaos.
“Who?” she didn’t have any time for panic as she tried to depersonalize from it all, a hand falling on Judd’s shoulder to get his attention. The man looked at her through his visor, worry etched into his face as he pointed to where most of the crew was crowding around. This was just supposed to be a normal fire response, a small apartment complex with a fire on the third floor, and she was sure everyone had evacuated on time. She was only gone from the main scene for ten minutes, helping parents find their children and checking people for smoke inhalation and minor burns. They hadn’t had a firefighter injury in a while, this was such a minor scene she wasn’t sure how it had even happened. Judd seemed to be questioning the same thing but she didn’t have the time to consider how much his memories were haunting him at that moment.
“Marjan…”
Nancy had caught up with her by then and she nudged her Captain forward, though when their eyes met Michelle could tell she was just as worried. She could feel the pit of anxiety gnawing away at her stomach, her friend’s life at risk here. Still, they had to be smart about this, Marjan needed them and they would have to wait to feel later.
“Captain,” Michelle bounded over to the others, “What happened?”
Owen turned to look at her, standing up properly from his previously crouched position. Mateo was on the ground, looking like anxiety incarnate, and beside him was Marjan. Laying on the sooty asphalt with her turnout coat nowhere to be found and she looked worse for wear. Instead, her long sleeve was exposed and Michelle could see blood seeping from somewhere and covering the white fabric in a nauseating amount. She was on the ground with them in seconds, leaning over Marjan before Owen had even managed to speak.
“The ceiling,” it was TK who spoke instead, “She went back to get a kid… the building was unstable.”
“Someone decided it was a brilliant idea to take off her coat and cover the kid with it,” Judd interjected, “The smoke was disorienting and we couldn’t get to her in time. The lobby ceiling fell.”
Michelle was nodding but all of her attention was on Marjan, shining her penlight in her eyes and sighing when her pupils reacted properly. The woman in question was watching her weakly, her breathing unsteady but she was still alert enough to know what was going on. There didn’t seem to be any head or facial trauma, which was a relief, but her main worry was her abdomen.
“BP is high and she’s tachy,” Nancy told her as she leaned over with a stethoscope to confirm, speaking gently to Marjan before she did anything. Michelle was glad Nancy was there, her caring nature always helping to soothe their patients.
“Marjan, let me know if this hurts, okay?” She didn’t lift her shirt for the sake of her privacy and instead palpated the injured area over the soaked fabric. The gentle pressure had her crying out almost immediately, arms jerking up to cover her stomach. It was very un-Marjan like in nature, since she was always fearless and hated to seem weak. Michelle apologized gently but her concern was only rising with that reaction.
“Abdominal guarding and tenderness,” she turned to TK, “What fell on her?”
“A chair from the upper hallway along with a large chunk of the ceiling.”
“Damn,” she looked to Nancy again, “Notify the nearest hospital that we have an incoming patient with blunt force abdominal trauma. Looks like a couple broken lower ribs and I’m worried about her spleen.”
“Alright.”
“Request a female trauma surgeon if possible,” she added before looking back down at Marjan, “You with me, Mar?”
Never one to appear weak even on death’s door, Marjan nodded as much as she could, “Mhm.”
“Anything else hurt right now?”
“How a-about eve-everything…” she let out a shaky laugh, which only made her wince as it jostled her ribcage. That only solidified Michelle’s assumption about fractured ribs, which usually caused a rupture of the spleen in cases like this. She hadn’t seen anything pressing during her secondary assessment but she was worried about other internal injuries or shock setting in too fast.
“We’re going to get you on the backboard then, okay?” she motioned for Mateo to stand and grabbed the board from on top of the gurney, passing it over to Paul so he could slide it under her from his side. She crouched by her shoulder, catching her attention again.
“We’re going to roll you onto your side, you know the drill.”
The transfer was painful for everyone, with Marjan unable to hide her agony at being moved in such a way. They hated seeing her like this, knowing they were only causing her more pain, but it was necessary. She cried out as they slid the board under her body, allowing Michelle a second to check for any injuries on her back. Getting her up onto the gurney was less of an event, though her stats had dropped enough in the move for Nancy to get worried.
“Captain Blake,” she said, “BP dropped and O2 stats in the 80’s.”
“Okay, we need to get going, I’ll run oxygen in the bus.”
With that they transferred her across the parking lot, back to the safe area that had been designated for the civilians to gather. Tim was waiting among them, rushing over to ask what had happened. Michelle was preoccupied with talking to Owen, trying to tell him as simply as she could how her prognosis looked.
“She’ll need a CT to confirm but I think there’s a good chance her spleen ruptured,” she told him, “I know you needed to move her from the building but I do hope you all didn’t jostle her too much.”
“We were as careful as possible but I couldn’t risk anyone getting trapped,” he rubbed a hand over his face, “Take care of our girl, Michelle.”
“We’ve got her,” with that she hoisted herself into the back of the ambulance, beside Nancy who was already getting the oxygen mask situated for Marjan. Tim checked from the front to make sure they were ready and then started the rig, lights and sirens on the second they pulled out of the parking lot.
Michelle busied herself with starting an IV in her arm, knowing she would need fluids if they wanted to keep her stats relatively stable. Her oxygenation had improved but her blood pressure was still worrying, not to mention how thready her pulse seemed when Michelle pressed her fingers to her wrist momentarily. That was never a good sign, especially with the way her eyes unfocused and her response to stimuli had decreased.
“Marjan,” she leaned a bit closer to meet her glassy eyes, “You stay awake for me.”
“T-trying…” she murmured, “Hurts.”
“I know,” looking at her crewmate she asked for a dose of morphine that would hopefully help until they got her to the ER. Nancy administered the painkiller as quickly as she could, reminding Marjan that she was doing well and they would get her help.
When the other woman leaned towards the front to ask Tim about their ETA, Marjan reached out weakly. She caught Michelle’s hand, making the EMT look at her with concern.
“I-” she took a shaky breath and tried to blink away the tears that clouded her vision, “I don’t w-wanna… die this way.”
“Hey, don’t say that,” Michelle told her firmly, “We’ve got you. You never let anything stop you before, Marjan, you can get through this.”
“M… Michelle?”
“I’m right here, Mar.”
“I-” her sentence never finished as the firefighter’s eyes rolled back slowly, unable to properly hear Michelle’s words of panic as she noticed what was happening. Marjan tried to stay alert, she really did, but the pain was too much. She felt like she was suffocating, the heavy weight in her abdomen slowly radiating up her body. She could feel hands on her, knew Michelle was with her, but she couldn’t focus. The only thing she was aware of was the aggressive beeping of the monitor that preceded her descent into unconsciousness.
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marswritingss · 4 years
Text
karasuno and nekoma’s manager with an ed and selfharm
req: um hello 👉🏼👈🏼 I saw you were doing emergency requests and, unless you're uncomfy with it, could i request karasuno and nekoma comforting their manager who has an eating disorder (anorexia) and/or self harms? ive been going through a tough time with my ed and self harm. if you feel uncomfortable writing this, its totally fine i understand! have a good day/night 💕
me: ofc baby! i’m glad you trusted me in this and i hope you know that you’re amazing and deserve to be happy. keep on going, if you’ve hit the bottom now you can only go better :)) if you ever need to talk just dm me or send it here anonymously :)
warnings: eating disorder and self harm,,, but it all ends up being fluff bc baby here needs it
oh god i’m here after finishing it i might have made it too angsty shit
also yes i’m still working on my other requests but as you’ve seen this is an emergency req and somehow i managed to pull out some ideas while i was taking a shower and come up with something as fast as i could
btw i feel i focused more in the ed part than in the self harm part so if you want me to rewrite this i'll do it gladly! <33
another note: at first i had written one paragraph in female, and i obviously had to change it, but i didn’t know how to change female volleyball team to something neutral, so i just created this miyagi under 18 volleyball group where you happened to play :))
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karasuno
– ok what happened is that you used to do volleyball, though not in highschool, but in a group, because you had forgotten to sign up for the club and when you realised, it was too late
– but uH
– well
– it happened that you had to stop playing it because of an injury on your first year of highschool (you were a second year)
– kiyoko knew you because her cousin was friends with you, and when she learned that you did know volleyball, she didn’t hesitate to ask you to join her and yachi
– so there you were, one month after recruiting you, you had developed friendships with everyone and the whole team adored you
– but they didn’t know about your habits, and the pants and jacket you wore everytime to the gym covered enough to not look suspicious
– so daichi didn’t think there would be a problem about organizing a trip to the beach
– at first you were going to turn the invitation, but the look yachi, hinata and noya gave you made you bit your inner cheek and say yes
– well, you could always stay under the umbrella and read something, and maybe even talk with tsukki or ennoshita
– the point is, you weren’t going to show your thighs, much less take a bath. and you didn’t have a problem! your body had no reserves of fat, which made your body not be able to preserve any heat
– i’m pretty sure i read that you can’t preserve heat in your body which makes you grow more hair somewhere but if i’m wrong please call me out
– if hinata or yamaguchi asked you why were you wearing long jeans, you could just tell them you hadn’t shaved that day
– your plan was going to be alright, you had it under control
– so the day arrived.
– you were in a hoodie and jeans, just like you planned
– i mean, it wasn’t even summer, the volleyball idiots just happened to be too warm to be able to go to the beach in may
– so there wasn’t anything odd
– or so you thought
“pfff are you going to make a sandman y/n?” asked tsukki
“oh, no i-”
“yeah y/n! it’s too hot to be wearing hoodies!”
“oi! let her wear what she wants” said daichi
– bless him tbh
– so you sat in your towel and started thinking
"you have it all under control” you muttered to yourself, not knowing ennoshita was listening
“what?” he asked
“oh, it’s nothing” you brushed off
“stupid! you almost discover yourself!” you scolded in your mind
– appart from that. no one seemed to know anything
– so you sent the thought to the back of your mind and took out a book
– ahh it was a nice day
– you hadn’t had to eat anything and the coke you had had earlier was enough to keep you up so you didn’t have to ingest anything else, and you hadn’t had any urges so your wounds from yesterday were already healing
– but
– somehow, the temperature started rising
– and, without thinking about it, you rolled your sleeves a bit up
– suga almost fainted when he saw, and ennoshita had to keep him from going there and lecture you
– you hadn’t noticed any of this so you kept reading
“we should see how y/n behaves and talk to her accordingly” told ennoshita to suga, who nodded
– when you realised you had rolled up your sleeves, showing your skinny arm and some of your wounds, you panicked. but no one had told you anything, and you knew that if anyone knew they would’ve told you anything, so you reminded yourself to be more careful
– oh, how wrong you were
“do you want some onigiri, y/n?” kageyama asked, handing you one. it smelled amazing, and you had to dig your nails on your palms before denying
“no thanks” you said with a smile
“but these were made by my mom!” said hinata “you have to try them out!”
– one bite didn’t hurt, did it?
“yes it does” you told yourself
– you shook your head and told them you were going on a walk
– hopefully they’d be too distracted on eating that they wouldn’t think about it too much
– and tsukki, of all people, asked if he could go with you. you didn’t want to leave suspicions so you accepted
– you didn’t know, but he had realised that the amount of food you ate was too little, even for him, and that sometimes you seemed to make faces when noya would drag you by the arm
– so when he saw the two moms of the team panicking over you, and your rolled up sleeves, he confirmed it
“ennoshita-san, sugawara-san, i’ve seen you’ve realised about y/n... habits” he said. ennoshita looking at him in surprise. “i was thinking about talking to them later, since they’ll probably run away as soon as the two simpletons bring the food”
“mmmm” nodded suga. “be careful though, we don’t really know about how far the situation has gone”
– so there he was, walking with you asking himself how to bring the topic
– you were thinking about what excuse to use if he happened to know, when you felt your legs fail and almost drop you
– this looks like a tsukki hc wtf i’m sorry hol on
– anyway so this guy ends up dragging you and saying things you can’t even focus on because you don’t have the energy
– hinata and noya panic and ask if you’re going to be okay
– daichi calms them while suga and asahi help you sit down
“what happened?” asks 
– you’re about to pull off an excuse when ennoshita talks lowly enough so only daichi suga asahi and you can hear
“can’t you see?” he says you think he’s disgusted but he’s actually worried and mad that no one had realised before “y/n isn’t okay, they haven’t eaten yet, and the wounds in their arms are affecting them
– you felt your tears appear
– suga tried comforting you by rubbing his hand in your back
“it’s okay, we’ll figure something out” he said
– then you started crying, and hinata panicked for the second time and ran to hug you
“i’m sorry i’m not enough” you said between sobs. you were frustrated with yourself and started to feel the urge to rip off the skin that had formed in your wounds
– both suga and daichi looked at you, while hinata hugged you tighter, as if you were going to leave
“what do you mean?” asked kageyama, he was behind asahi, who had been looking at you with pity
“i don’t want your pity” you thought, asahi smiled at you even though you probably had sent him a death glare
“i’m...” you started, but shut yourself as you didn’t know what to say.
“oi! y/n!” called tanaka, a bit harshly. daichi stiffened as he thought how tanaka was sometimes too brute with words “you’re beautiful as hell!” he said punching the air
“heck yeah!” said noya, jumping “you’re the most beautiful person i’ve seen!”
“y/n you’re so cute! when you enter the gym is like whaaaam and... uhhh” started hinata “and booooooom” he said flailing his hands around
– you laughed a bit
– daichi smiled relieved
– maybe the pair knew how to handle
– that day ended up you getting hugged by everyone and ennoshita staying with you while wathcing noya and hinata bully tsukki splashing water to him while yamaguchi screamed ‘tsukki!!!!’
“you know y/n,” he started. asahi was on your other side “you can always count on us” he said while smiling “you helped us getting back to volleyball, even though you were still on your club and probably thought some coward first years wouldn’t be worthy. i think we owe you that one” he said. you remembered that. he had stumbled across you, the intimidating first year setter who had saved the current Under 18 Miyagi prefecture Volleyball Club from lacking a setter, how you had heard sometimes. ah, you missed these times. you hadn’t entered the shit hole that was now, and your mood had always been bright.
– you smiled and muttered a “thank you”
– now, noya and tanaka keep track of you and how you’re feeling while ennoshita asks you how are you everytime your class ends, since you were in the same class.
– the third years now take turns to compliment you everyday. and i mean EVERY day
“hey y/n! you look very pretty today” says asahi while blushing. behind you, daichi and suga give him a thumbs up
“damn! these stats look really neat!” says hinata
“y/n was the one arranging them boke, of course they look neat” says kageyama
– everyday team hugs
– kiyoko hugs>>>>
– yachi ends up offering some of her food, but never complains nor pushes you if you’re not feeling like eating that day
– after a while, you start feeling way better, and even build up the courage to ask for help, which makes sugamama proud
– tanaka defo cries when you announce you’ll be visiting a therapist two days a week
– this turned to be ennoshita and tsukki hcs i’m so sorry-
nekoma
– so kuroo, being the eighty years old he is (and sometimes kind of a mom, even tho the official one is yaku), he always reminded everyone to eat their food and drink water, and being so persistent, he thought everyone took care of themselves, especially their precious manager that tora had been whipped by when he knew nekoma did in fact have a manager
– but oh, boy
– he didn’t know about your problems with food and how you punished yourself
– kenma already knew about it. he had found you in the gym bathroom when you were purging (ik the ones who purge are more tended to be bulimic, but i really didn’t know how to make this happen, sowwy) after eating for the first time in twenty hours a few months ago, but he had promised to not say anything as he knew these things weren’t to take lightly
– but he did check up on your mood and asked you if you felt better or worse than the day before
– he did in fact, felt bad about not being able to help you in any other way, but he genuinely didn’t know how to talk about it properly with you and he didn’t want to hit a nerve
– kuroo surprisingly hadn’t discovered anything, even though you weren’t the most secretive about it and he was quite intuitive in these topics
– until shinzen training camp
– the coaches had decided to pull a two weeks training camp, somehow, and, as always, your team was invited
– you weren’t worried, you had already gone through two years full of training camps and you were a pro at choosing the food at the cafeteria with the least calories, usually giving half of it to yukie
– the first week went alright. kenma kept sneaking to the sidelines to ask you how were you feeling that day, and yukie ate the halves of your food. so far, training camp was going quite well. you had had only felt a few urges you could perfectly satisfy by sinking your nails in your thighs, and brush it off as nervousness
– however, the second week was a complete disaster
– your thoughts hit you like the bus hit regina george, and ended up almost banging your head against the wall in order to shut down those feelings, and it only had been two hours since you had woken up
– as soon as lunch started, you felt like puking when you felt the smell of the food. not even the low calories noodles could shut the feeling
– so you ended up almost having a panick attack, which you were able to stop as soon as you felt the familiar numbness that had taken over your body countless times
– but you still ran away to calm yourself in a less crowded place
– the third years were worried. although they had been with you three years, they had never seen you run with such look in the face, and ended up sending kai to ask you, since they didn’t want to crowd and overwhelm you
“y/n?” asked while blushing because he was entering in the managers bathroom (bless him)
– he found you swinging yourself in the last bathroom, trying to block everything in your surroundings. there were tears in your eyes, now pressed and closed, and you were hugging yourself putting your forehead (which i wanna kith bc YOU DESERVE THE WORLD OKAY) against your knees and your face between your legs. you hadn’t seen him
– he didn’t move as he didn’t want to scare you, you seemed really really distressed, you were hyperventilating and rubbing your ahdns up your arms, trying to find some heat
– when you felt better, although you were still shaking, you saw him, smiling fondly in aim to ensure you that everything was going to be alright
“s-sorry...” you said, looking down. he looked at you like asking what were you talking about. “i... i uhhh... i ruined your lunch... sorry about that”
“oh! don’t worry about that y/n, how are you feeling right now?” he asked, he had crouched down to hug you and look at you, and was now rubbing the back of your hands in a really soothing way
“i don’t really know...” you said, lost
– and the other barged down but more lowkey
“y/n! are you okay? are you feeling alright?” asked yaku, looking at you worried
“yakkun” said kuroo, warning that he was in fact, acting out of his motherly instints and overwhelming you
– so you stayed there with them feeling more and more calmed until you built up the courage to get up and walk to the sink, where you splashed your face with water and let the cold of it relax you. you felt like you had to explain a few things, even though you had the feeling that they knew already
“i owe you guys an explanation” you said
“it’s okay y/n, you don’t owe us anything-”
“kuroo, i do” you said, sharply. you were familiar with them, and they had already seen you changning yourself (don’t even ask about this, it just happened in your first year when you hadn’t hit rock bottom and still felt alright with your body, so you hadn’t mind when the managers changing room was locked and you changed on the club room). but it didn’t mean they weren’t weirded out when you started pulling down your pants, showing them the scars and wounds that covered most of your skinny thighs. 
– they were confused, and then, when they connectted the dots, concern took over their faces
“y/n...” said yaku, hugging you. it was weird by the fact that your pants were down, but you really didn’t mind at this point.
“it’s alright” you said, but the tears streaming down your face again said otherwise
“how much has this been going on?” asked kuroo, not sounding with an angry tone, but more of a concerned one.
“um...” you rubbed the back of your neck “ i started feeling the urges in the middle of the second year...”
– yaku tightened the hug, warming you
“it’s okay, you can count on us” he said
– when you felt better, lunch had already ended, but kenma had kept a tray with a bit of everything for you in case you needed something, which you did, but didn’t want to eat.
– but the look in kuroo’s face and the warming hand that kai had placed in your back made you feel better and helped you push down the feeling of grossness, so you took a bit of a few things
– the third years stuck around you the rest of the week, sending smiles or reassurance everytime you felt negatively
– none of the first years know anything, but kuroo has imposed a rule of not talking about certain topics such as body types or calories, and yaku ripped the posters of girls in bikinis off the walls of the clubroom
– tora doesn’t know the full story, but he now praises you (as he should) and is more careful with what does he say
– kenma keeps asking you how are you doing, with the addition of fukunaga looking at you with platonic love eyes (i hope y’all know what i mean or ima end up embarrashing myself-)
– kuroo tells you facts about health that make you feel better
“y/n, did you know that stress can give you bad headaches? take a relax day today” says one time, that day, practice ends up early even though it’s saturday (usually the toughest days) and the whole team goes walking around the city (kenma and you pet a cat and lev get shit on by a pigeon)
– shibayama hugs you daily, to which lev joins and inuoka and tamahiko
– the team helps you when you start your medication, and don’t hesitate to sit you down and take your duties when you feel low and have to take a rest, and when you tell them they don’t need you, yaku says “but we want to” heroically, and hands the stack of papers to kuroo
 – aaa you (we) love them so much,,,
– hope i made you feel better! i’m still hesitant about some parts, but i wanted to finish it a soon as possible so i’d be able to post it hihi
– i’m still saying, if you need to talk or feel low, don’t doubt to dm me! i’m open about talking about anything, and i’d love to help in anything that’s possible 🥺. reminder too that you are loved and deserve to be happy, despite what you think! you’re beautiful and you don’t need anyone’s approval to feel as valid as the rest. you’ve got this! <3
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dokidokey · 4 years
Text
a million for one
summary: it’s you, mirio, and his thoughts on a quiet hospital room after sir nighteye’s death.
pairings: togata mirio x reader
crossed off: face touches
genre: angst, hurt / comfort
warning: character death, self-blame
word count: 2,606
notes: second entry for @bnhabookclub​’s hero camp bingo event! here’s mirio for you and i hope you like it!
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“Aren’t you going home?”
Mirio breaks the silence that’s been choking you for the past two hours now with a question he’s asked you more than three times in the last forty minutes. You feel the tingling annoyance itch at your throat but swallow it down, putting in mind your boyfriend’s state.
“No, Mirio,” you sigh, adjusting yourself on the uncomfortable chair beside his bed. “I’ll be here as long as you are.”
He continues to stare at the ruffled blanket draped on his lap, lips barely moving and voice barely audible as he says, “I don’t even know how long I’ll be here.”
Your heart breaks some more. After you got a call from Bubble Girl earlier informing you that Mirio, and his mentor, Sir Nighteye, was admitted to the hospital due to the injuries the mission had given them, you immediately hopped to the vicinity. It took you barely ten hops to get to him, thanks to your Quirk enabling you to jump high and far.
Mirio looked battered when you stepped in his room, eyes closed and breathing even and looking so peaceful you’d think he was dead if not for the steady rise and fall of his chest. His tranquil state was a stark contrast to his physical appearance though. There were bandages wrapped around both of his arms and legs, and what you could see from the neckline of his hospital clothes, there were bandages wrapped around the expanse of his chest too.
Your usually calm and mellow Mirio looks distressed even in his sleep, the subtle creases on his forehead and eyebrow a direct giveaway. The dead silence filling the room didn’t help with the worry and anxiety bubbling in your stomach and you’re trying so hard not to cry, hand slowly inching their way to hold Mirio’s unmoving ones and the other pushing his disheveled hair back only to reveal more gashes on his forehead.
You could have lost him today. You could have lost the love of your life. He walked in on that mission with a signed death certificate and it’s even a miracle how he’s here right now, breathing and alive but barely looking like it.
Kissing his forehead softly, you settled on the chair beside his bed, still grasping his hand tight as you brought it to your cheek. Despite your close bond with the Big Three, but most importantly Mirio, you never heard even a whisper of this secret operation to save a girl. She must be so special to have Pro-Heroes and UA students risking their lives for her.
Mirio woke up almost an hour after you got there. You first felt the slight twitching of his fingers, gradually closing in on yours and gripping your hand. You’re on your feet immediately, reaching over to press the button beside the table on his bed to alarm nurses that he’s awake.
He groaned as his eyelashes fluttered open and shut for a few seconds, adjusting to the bright lights of the room. He wasn’t aware he was holding your hands, much less about your presence, until he turned his head and found you staring at him.
“Y/N?” He croaked. It’s like Mirio was surprised by how raspy his voice was because he furrowed his eyebrows right after.
You stood up, squeezing his hand before letting go, much to your dismay, but you need to get him water. While you were filling up the glass, Mirio slowly pushed himself up to sit, face crumpled in pain from the strain on his muscles.
“What-?”
“Shh,” you hushed him, handing him the glass of water. “Don’t talk yet, drink up first.” He did so, downing the whole glass in three gulps. Handing it back to you, his barrage of questions started up.
“What are you doing here?” He asked, voice still scratchy against his throat. He looked at the cord of IV connected to his hand, eyes following it all the way up to where the bag hung. He looked at you again as you stood in silence beside the chair. “What-?”
The look of panic on Mirio’s face startled you. He gasped out, the sound seeming to catch in his throat and then he’s flinging the thin blanket off his lap. You watched as he threw one foot down, then the other, then his hand gripped the tube and threw it away harshly.
“Mirio!” You screamed in horror. He didn’t spare you a glance as he limped off toward the door. “Mirio! Where-? Calm down, where are you going!?”
He was huffing when you ran after him. “Mirio,” you bit out harshly, grasping his face in your hands to make him look at you. Whatever you were going to say died in your throat as you saw the tears welling up in his eyes. You’ve never seen Mirio so broken like this in the span of three years you’ve known him. “Calm down,” you whispered, thumb brushing against his cheek ever so softly.
“I- I need to see Sir,” he rasped. “I need to know if he’s okay.”
Oh, yeah. Of course. Sir Nighteye. Mirio had told you countless times about Sir Nighteye. The shine in his eyes and the sound of his voice when he talked about his mentor was something exceptional. That much shows just how much Mirio holds the Pro-Hero in his heart.
Despite your better judgment, you nodded, smiling softly at him as you let his face go. He studied your face before going for the door only to come face to face with a surprised nurse.
“O-oh,” she stuttered, looking up at Mirio wide-eyed. Your boyfriend barely gave her the time of day before pushing past her. An appalled yelp escapes her as her eyes widened some more, looking at Mirio’s limping figure, then at you. And you, well, you pushed past her to follow Mirio, another yelp left behind.
“Sir! Ma’am!” She cried, hands reaching out to your arm. “What are you doing!? Get back inside, please!”
Her pleas fell on deaf ears as you ignored her, eyes trained on Mirio. When he almost fell due to his injured leg, you shrugged off the nurse’s arm to aid him. He huffed against your hair, blowing off stray strands.
“No! What are you doing!?” The nurse was behind you then, hands hovering both of your bodies, not sure if it was okay to touch you or where to touch you.
Mirio grunted before throwing a glance her way. “Where is Sir Nighteye’s room?”
“H-huh!? No! Get back inside, you need to be-”
You swear this nurse will kill you before any villain ever could. You rolled your eyes and sighed. “Ma’am, please, just tell us.”
She looked so conflicted as her eyes darted back and forth between you and Mirio. After dejectedly telling you where, she proceeded to panic again as you two went on your way. After taking a left turn, you saw the other end of the hallway and behind a large clear glass of the room, you can identify All Might’s figure and Midoriya, the boy Mirio told you enthusiastically about just weeks ago.
You felt Mirio’s grip on your arm loosen as he limped off faster toward the room, the bright red number on the on the door glaring at you. The nurse tried to grasp Mirio’s shirt to hold him back before entering the room but to no avail. If not for the situation at hand, you would have laughed at the distressed look of the nurse. You left her outside, following Mirio inside. Mr. Aizawa was there too, and also Bubble Girl, standing quietly at the side.
“Sir!” Mirio’s voice boomed in quiet room, going straight for the bed. His knuckles almost turned white as he gripped metal railings on the side.
Sir Nighteye barely looked alive with an oxygen mask and disturbing amount of tubes connected to his body. There was a large bandage on his chest, where the tubes are connected. It hurt you to look at him with Mirio by his side, crying his heart out to the person he looked up to.
Sir Nighteye’s voice was hoarse and hollow against the oxygen mask strapped to his face. “Mirio. . . Forgive me.”
You didn’t have the heart to watch what was unfolding before you. Slapping a hand to your mouth, you quickly turned away when Mirio’s tears fell, shoulders shaking so badly as he listened to Sir Nighteye’s last words.
The deafening sound of Sir Nighteye’s heart giving away left you cold. A doctor and two nurses went inside, and you took that as your cue to leave, feeling sick to your stomach as you waited for Mirio outside. The nurse you two left alone was still there, looking at you with a frown as you leaned back on the wall.
It’s not long before Mirio was outside. Pushing yourself off the wall, you’re met with red, puffy eyes. He looked seconds away from falling apart so you took him in your arms, guiding his head down to your shoulders. He let out a nerve-wracking sob before his arms wrapped around you, fists closing in on your clothes. You let him cry on your shoulders like that, with the nurse standing across you both awkwardly with a melancholic look.
It’s been two hours since that. After he calmed down, the nurse assisted you back to his room and checked his vitals, as well as reattaching the IV tube he ripped out. He’s been in the same position for two hours now, and you’re worried.
“Mirio,” you call him but he doesn’t even budge nor show any signs of acknowledgment. Sighing, you push yourself up from the chair and walk over to his bed, sitting on the edge and facing him. “Hey,” you say softly, caressing his cheek. “Talk to me.”
His gaze lifts momentarily to yours, then he’s looking away. He even jerks his head away from your palm. “Just go home. Rest up,” he mumbles.
“No,” you huff, situating yourself better on the bed so your leg won’t go stiff. “I’m staying here with you and you’re going to tell me what’s wrong.”
Mirio breathes heavily before flitting his eyes back at you. You gently brush the stray hairs away from his eyes. You love Mirio’s hair like this, soft and down. You can’t sift through his hair when it’s all gelled up.
“If only I’d- If I was stronger, or faster, or smarter. . . Maybe Sir would still be alive, you know?” He whispers, voice as hushed as the wind in the seas.
Your hand falls down to his cheek once again, delicately grazing his cheekbones. “If he saw it, Mirio, there was nothing you could have done. Or anyone else.”
“But Midoriya- he changed it. He changed the future Sir Nighteye saw of him. He did what I can’t do.”
“Mirio,” you say softly, catching the lone tear that fell from his eyes in a quick swipe. “There are greater things coming your way. I’m sure Sir Nighteye knows that. Everybody knows that. Don’t blame yourself because nobody is blaming you. What’s important is that the little girl is saved, and she’s safe.”
It’s like Mirio suddenly has the world on his shoulders, looking at you ruefully. “As great as someone without a Qurik can go.”
There’s a gasp from you that shook your whole body cold. Without a Quirk?
“What?” You cry in alarm, both hands now on his face. “What do you mean without a Quirk? Where’s your Quirk?”
Mirio then explains to you the bullet that had hit him. It was something Overhaul made, which was originally made up of Eri, the little girl’s Quirk, Rewind. It horrified you to hear such story. A little girl with barely any knowledge of how the world works was putting up with a life like that? And for exactly how long? You can’t even understand the nightmare the poor little girl went through.
You understand whatever Mirio’s feeling. If put in the same position as him, you’d do the same thing for Eri.
“I’d never let that kid go,” Mirio mumbles, once again staring off into space. “I’ll never. . . Until that kid smile, I’ll never let her go.”
Your heart warms at the thought of Mirio taking care of Eri, despite not yet meeting her. As he breathes out his mission to make Eri smile again, you slowly intertwine your fingers together, smiling at the look of purpose glimmering in his eyes. It shakes you, seeing Mirio regardless of being Quirkless as determined as he was when he still had his Quirk.
And maybe Mirio won’t be able to save a million people like he wanted to, but for sure Eri’s smile might equal that, if not more.
You dive in for a quick kiss, soft on the lips, with a softer smile, hands on both sides of his face. “Go get that kid back,” you whisper after the kiss, eyelashes against his. “Your Quirk doesn’t define you. Whatever you weren’t able to do to save Sir Nighteye doesn’t define you. What you always have in your heart, that’s what you are, Mirio. That is the most important thing. No Quirk could ever amount to that.”
He breathed a light laugh at your face. “Thanks, Y/N.”
Neither of you saw the beet red nurse staring at you through the small window of the hospital door, about to walk in with Mirio’s meds but stopped when she saw you two in a quite compromising position. Who was she to interrupt?
The next day, Mirio decides to introduce you to Eri. Your heart almost burst in joy at the sight of the little kid sitting idly on the large hospital bed, sipping a box of apple juice. Her wide eyes looked up at Mirio with such wonder, along with Midoriya, who was sitting in front of her. When Mirio beckoned you from the door to step inside, there’s a smile plastered on your face as you tiptoed towards her, hand in a light wave.
“Hi, Eri-chan,” you beam. You studied the child as she stares at you with the same light wonder in her eyes. Mirio, who was sitting on a stool, wraps an arm around your waist as you stand by his side. You see Eri’s eyes follow the action and giggle lightly. “I’m Y/N, Mirio’s. . . friend. He’s told me about you.”
Eri’s lips part in a small o, lowering the juice box in her lap. Hair long hair is splayed out behind her and there’s a small horn near the center of her hairline which is absolutely cute. How is this kid this impossibly adorable? And Overhaul had the guts to scar this little kid? You’re pretty sure you won’t be able to meet another heartless motherfucker as worse as Overhaul. That kind of inhuman behavior would be so hard to top.
Mirio proposes an idea, with the School Festival nearing, if ever Eri can watch. There’d be lots of fun activities to have her entertained and it’s a shot he’s willing to take to try and make Eri smile.
When the event came and you’re standing near the stage with Mirio and Eri in his arms during Midoriya’s class’ performance, 1-A’s flashy disco lights had nothing to Eri’s smile, all sunshine and sparkles. Your heart soars along the song, as elated as Mirio, who was crying as he stares at Eri’s blinding smile.
This may be Mirio’s greatest save yet, and you’re the proudest you’ve ever been of him.
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blackbriarsparrow · 3 years
Text
The Ballad of Shimura Danzo (taken from: Born from Winter Ash)
The Ballad of Shimura Danzo Arc I (Born from Fire)
 No mercy.
It is the phrase that Shimura Danzo grounds into the malleable skulls of his burgeoning army of adolescents. Danzo walks tall with his hands clasped behind his back, squinting through the noonday sun as he watches the young boys in the training arena. He has a favorite. An indomitable youth with moonlit hair; a trait, no doubt, given to him by the gods. They have a habit of marking their favorites and Danzo has learned to recognize the signs.
The boy is naught but nine years old, and already he is fast and strong. He listens with eager ears and watches with careful eyes. His movements in the arena are meticulous, and he has yet to be defeated by an adversary. He is a tolerant warrior, and Danzo is most impressed with the youth. He watches him use the bamboo Shinai to knock his opponent off his feet. Obito lands on the ground, the air whooshing from his lungs as he stares up at Kakashi and holds his injured ankle. “Breathe, Obito,” Kakashi reminds him. “On your feet.” He offers his comrade a hand.
Danzo strikes Kakashi on the back of the wrist with the flat edge of his dagger. The crack is loud enough to draw attention from nearby sparrers. Kakashi inspects the smarting welt on his wrist. He looks up at Danzo with a frown on his face and anger flaring behind his lucid eyes.
“We do not help our enemies, Hatake Kakashi. Why are you offering this boy your hand?” Danzo slides his dagger back into his holster and looks at the boy expectantly.
“Obito is not the enemy, Hersir. He is my comrade.”
“And how will Obito become the best warrior he can be if you are always there to carry his weight? Obito relies on you too much. You only think you are helping him Kakashi, but you are indeed enabling him to be weak.” Danzo leans forward, leveling his gaze with Kakashi. “If Obito is to become strong, you must show him no mercy.”
Kakashi frowns at Danzo, and Danzo sees the wheels of thought turning in his mind. Danzo thinks he is getting through to the lad, but Kakashi believes in a different code and no amount of manipulation on Danzo’s part will cause Kakashi to change his mind.
“Finish him,” Danzo instructs.
Obito, lying on the ground with his elbows propped beneath him, looks up at Kakashi with parted lips.
“Hersir?”
“Make him fight for his spot, Kakashi. The Black Army does not tolerate weakness. Make Obito prove that he belongs here.”
Kakashi does not move. His hand tightens around the Shinai.
“I said,” Danzo repeats, “finish him.”
“He’s wounded–”
Before Kakashi can finish his sentence, Danzo lunges and reaches for the boy’s Shinai. He wrenches it from his hand, but Kakashi leaps when Danzo swings. He rolls to the ground, scooping up Obito’s abandoned weapon and uses it to parry off Danzo’s swift attacks. Kakashi is very small compared to the Hersir, but he is fast and strong for his age. He manages to block each of Danzo’s strikes, but Danzo leaves no room for Kakashi to present a countermove.
Danzo means to teach the boy a lesson. If he will not do as commanded, Danzo will break him until Kakashi’s will bends to his authority. He strikes the boy hard in the ribs, and Danzo is sure he hears them crack. Kakashi’s face pales, but he does not let go of his weapon. The boy plants his feet, leaving his right side wide open for the strike. Danzo sees the opening and he means to take it.
He would have taken it, that is to say, but the boy pivots and brings his Shinai down hard over the side of Danzo’s head, right above his ear. Danzo’s vision blackens at the edges and stars crackle and sputter like fireworks in his head. He feels the ground beneath his knees. Suddenly, Kakashi is the same height. The boy is looking at him with wild fury and Danzo knows he has struck a chord.
“No mercy,” Danzo pants, wavering on his knees.
Kakashi cries out and brings the Shinai across Danzo’s mouth. He manages to break a tooth and the taste of hot copper spills over Danzo’s tongue. He falls to the ground, laughing as he spits blood onto the dirt floor of the arena and smiles.      
The Hokage sees everything from her window.
Arc II (Born from Ash)
Malodorous smoke spans across the night sky and shouts and cries from the burning village are heard through the blackened trees. The white-masked man thrusts a small bundle into Danzo’s arms and he expects the thing to cry. Ash from the stable fire rains down through the gnarled bare branches of the surrounding trees, settling like freckles on the babe’s small, heart-shaped face.
Danzo looks at the girl; the crown of her head adorned with soft pink curls. He thinks her family named her adequately; for her hair is the exact color of Sakura blossoms. Oddly enough, the girl’s pink hair is not her most notable feature… She is gazing up at him with eyes so green Danzo is forced to think of the spring-time forest after a rainstorm. They are the eyes of a witch; so wide and so bright – undoubtably given in favor by some infernal siren goddess. The child’s birth was prophesized by the gods, after all, and Danzo seeks to use her gifts to exact his revenge on the accursed Black Army.
He thinks only of his success as he climbs into the saddle of his war horse, tucking the babe within his cloak as he rides out into the night with his men following close behind.
The baby never cries.
Arc III (Forged by Iron Will)
Sakura is ten years old when Danzo begins training with her. He looks for signs that her powers will manifest, but he sees nothing. She is a good warrior. Smart and capable; a force in her own right. She is small and works hard to prove her worth in the training field. The boys don’t take it easy on her, but Sakura never yields and she does not complain. She shows determination in the face of adversity. Danzo cannot help but see the parallels between she and his former favorite prodigy. It is for that reason Danzo chooses to watch Sakura from a distance. He does not wish to be reminded of Kakashi. With any luck, it won’t be his blade that cuts Kakashi down when he takes his final strike against Konoha.  
His plans are shaping up nicely. His army is growing, and he is building allies outside of Kumoga borders. It will still be years before his army is ready to take on the Konoha elites, but he will test their strength and determination before he sets his plans to motion. Sai shows promise with his mage abilities; a very useful trait that Danzo can’t wait to exploit. He trains more careful with these Kumoga’s warriors. He can’t risk getting ejected from Kumoga before his plan comes to fruition.
The Raikage knows nothing.
Arc IV (The Birth of a Phoenix)
The night sky turns red, a mirror of bloodshed, from all the lives that were lost in battle. There is a thick haze, choking out the stars so that no light shines through. It is a cold, unforgiving night. The wind howls with the death mourners and smells of frozen copper.
Danzo counts the warriors that return home and he notices that Sakura is not with them.
Sai is injured. Omoi supports most of his weight as he carries him through the village gates. “What happened to Sakura?” Danzo asks.
Sai’s face is a ruin of blood and tear tracks. He works his jaw, but he cannot say the words that are stuck in the tangled nest of his throat.
“She fell,” Samui answers beside them. “I saw a warrior from the Konoha village stab her in the side. She’s… gone…” Samui’s words are barely a whisper.
Danzo clenches his fists and thinks of what a pity her wasted life was. She never came into her Healing powers and yet Danzo feels her loss like a swift punch in the gut. He tells himself it is because he won’t get the chance to use her against Konoha.
His mind involuntarily conjures images of the babe with big green eyes and he remembers that she never even cried when he took her from her home…
Arc V (Born from Retribution)
The warriors from Kiri are heedless. Danzo admires their stamina and thirst for blood. They are a savage nation, behind the progression of time, and easily persuaded with gold and marauding. They lack a strong figurehead and Danzo effortlessly slips into the role. They follow him without question and are eager to strike the Black Army.
Danzo does not tell them that most will not return.
The Black Army is strong. They will survive this particular attack.
Danzo tells the Kiri army how to get onto the mountain without being seen. He instructs them to take whatever strikes their pleasure in the raid. “Burn the village to the ground if you must,” Danzo tells them. “You will only have a chance at penetrating the barracks if you draw out the warriors. Our goal is to weaken them.”
“Lord Hersir,” one of his men addresses him. “Our attack will only serve to anger them. They will come looking for us when it’s over.”
Danzo presses his lips into a thin line. This one is smarter than he looks. “We want them to attack Kiri,” Danzo says, enunciating each word with careful articulation. “The rest of the Kiri army will be here waiting for them. My allied forces will join in and the Konoha elites will be severely outnumbered.”
Danzo doesn’t say this aloud, but he is uneasy that he hasn’t received word from the clans surrounding Konoha. He suspects The Spy of the North has intercepted his messenger hawks. No matter. Danzo doesn’t need the alliances of those neutral clans. With half the Kumoga army under his wing, the warriors from Kiri, and allies from Waves, the Black Army won’t stand a chance against him. As long as they march on Kiri, Danzo will take them at the river crossing.
The Black Army will be his for the taking.
Arc VI The Down-spiral of a Hersir
After the fallout, Danzo leads his newly split forces into the woods as night falls like a cloak behind him. They left so many wounded, but it is of no concern to him now. Those who stayed behind in Kumoga are now his enemies. Danzo made himself perfectly clear: join him, or forever be ostracized. After he takes the Black Army, he will eradicate what’s left of the Kumoga warriors and leave the nation completely defenseless.
Danzo works his hands into fists, grinding his molars.
Sai chose to stay behind.
Years of training flash through Danzo’s mind – all the effort and special attention he paid the boy was all for nothing…
Danzo has never feared the gods, but he wonders now if this is his punishment for taking the child prodigies from their cribs so long ago… Sakura died in battle and Sai, his most notable progeny, had chosen to stay behind with the wretched, poor excuses of Kumoga warriors. Sai wasn’t even Kumoga! Perhaps he should have been honest with the boy about his true lineage, but Danzo could not tell him of his interference… After all, he had needed Sai to trust him.
All for nothing, Danzo repeats over and over, like a poisonous mantra that coils through his mind.
It is of no matter, Danzo tells himself… their losses will be of no consequence; the plans of attack are already placed in motion. The Black Army will be his in a fortnight.
Danzo’s hand trembles as he leads his army through the woods.
 https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13781683/1/Born-from-Winter-Ash
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rosesatsunrise · 4 years
Text
losing and feeling
(a/n: knsjdgskgja okay here’s my first public fic i guess, i wrote this at two in the morning because i was feeling sad so... this happened i guess. it’s originally self-indulgent so some of it might not fit your ideals and i’m sorry about that, lol! anyways hope you enjoy!)
KEY: (y/n): your name | (y/l/n): your last name
WORD COUNT: 3,269 words
PAIRINGS: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader
SUMMARY: bakugou katsuki wanted to have a lifetime of memories with you, so how is he supposed to deal with it being cut short?
WARNINGS: angst, swearing obviously it’s bakugou 
___________________________________________________________
weak in the knees. i couldn’t see through the blur of tears, i couldn’t hear through the gut wrenching sobs of my friends. the screaming. the screaming wouldn’t stop.
“you have funny hair!” her eyes made me restrain myself from shouting at her. they were so beautiful, i got lost in them immediately.
“(y/n), sweetie, that’s not a nice thing to say! i’m sorry honey,” the girl’s mother sounds tired.
this couldn’t be happening. i think i was the one screaming, but i couldn’t tell. i couldn’t hear my own voice.
“you still have stupid hair.” (y/n)’s eyes are still so beautiful. i stared at her, feeling my glare soften without wanting it to. she just did that to me, softening me until i didn’t know what it felt like to be anything but happy when i was around her. 
i felt someone’s hands on my shoulders but i felt so numb that it didn’t register. everything was so loud. everything was so dark.
“i need to tell you something.” (y/n) was standing in front of me, her hands stuffed in her pockets. she was nervous, i could tell, but i wasn’t really aware of it as i tried to distract myself from the butterflies in my stomach. 
“oi, fucking say it then.” i grumbled in response.
“i really like you, bakugou. like, as more than a friend.”
“i - huh?”
“i really fucking like you!” she shouted. her voice cracked. “like i want to date you. i’m sorry if i’ve fucked up our friendship, i just thought -”
“i like you too,” i managed, saying it out loud for the first time. the words rang through my head as i realized how true they were. the feelings i had been trying to hide from all this time, defined by a few simple fucking words.
“oh! oh. wait, seriously?” 
“yes, idiot. jesus.” i flushed really hard as she slipped her arms around me and pulled me in close, kissing me softly for the first time.
------
“katsuki?” 
she was mostly asleep, wrapped in my arms. i had my face buried in her hair because i liked the smell of her shampoo. she was pressed against my chest and her voice came out muffled. i had one of my hands under her shirt to draw shapes on her bare back, because i liked to be touching her.
“yeah (y/n).”
“i lied. i really like your hair.”
i couldn’t control the smile that lit up across my face. i hated how incredibly soft this fucking girl had turned me. i probably looked like an idiot, grinning widely all because she said ‘i like your hair.’
“i love you.” i whispered, hugging her tighter. then i realized what i had just said. the first time i ever told my girlfriend i loved her, and it was this. all because of this domestic bliss that had overtaken my life.
“i love you more.” (y/n) sighed, and i felt her breathing even out as she fell asleep. fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck. i was so in love with her.
------
“tell me the truth!” her voice was cracked, strained from the screaming. her eyes were puffy from crying. it hurt me so much to look at her so upset, to know it was my fault. “tell me why you keep doing this shit, katsu!”
“we should break up.” i blurted, my voice loud. it cut through her panicked rambling. i watched all the emotion drop off her face. (y/n) just stared at me. hiding again. i could see all the pain in her eyes, and it cracked me open.
“fine.” she whispered. “fine. do whatever the fuck you want. goodbye, bakugou.” 
watching her leave, hearing the door close behind her made my heart break. the emotions, the walls she had broken down, started to put themselves back. i stumbled to my bed, numb and emotional. i had done it because i wasn’t good enough. i couldn’t support her. i wasn’t affectionate enough. she needed a certain level of affirmation and love from someone, and i couldn’t give it to her. 
i cried.
------
tension built up in my stomach, like stoking a fire, every time i saw her. she purposefully made me jealous, i knew it. when she would play with deku’s hair or flirt with todoroki or poke kirishima’s muscles i had to look away and try not to scream.
but this was it. this was the last straw. she hugged him, deku, the way she only hugged me, so i left, my hands shoved in my pockets, ignoring the tears running down my cheeks. 
“can i talk to you?”
i stopped, not needing to turn to know it was (y/n). she sounded upset, but then again when was she not upset?
“fuck off,” i grumbled.
“you’re the piece of shit who broke up with me, bakugou. i think you can listen to me for a few minutes.”
i wiped desperately at my face, trying to get rid of the tear tracks. i turned to look at her, meeting her eyes, and the fury written on her face was immediately replaced by panic. 
“hey, are you crying? you never cry. what’s wrong?” she cupped my cheeks, catching the tears that would not fucking stop falling. why the fuck would they not stop? 
“yes, i’m fucking fine.” i tried to sound as threatening or harsh as usual, but it was hard to do when she was holding me again for the first time in months and i was fucking crying.
“tell me what’s wrong.” (y/n) begged, swiping at the hot spots where my tears congregated with her thumbs. 
“this,” i breathed. “this is what’s fucking wrong. because i still fucking want you, more than i’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life.”
“so why did you break up with me?” (y/n) asked, searching my eyes. 
“because i’m not good enough for you. i can’t give you the physical affection and emotional connection you need, because i’m just a self centred piece of shit who can barely deal with my own emotions! especially the fact that i’m terrifyingly in love with you. you are my only fucking weakness, (y/n). i can’t - i don’t fucking know.” i said it all very fast. the things i had bottled up for weeks when we were dating and after spilled out like a dam finally breaking.
“bakugou katsuki!” she cried. “why the shit would you not tell me these things? how long have you been keeping all of this in?” 
“months.” i sighed. 
“katsuki,” i heard the shake in her voice. she was about to start crying. “you can’t keep these things to yourself, it’s not healthy! i - i love you so much, no matter how much of an idiot you can be. and i - look, i know i need a lot of reassurance, and physical affection, but you just sitting next to me counts as both of those. little touches, your hand on my back, letting me lean on your shoulder, those are reassuring as well as touching. you gave me everything i wanted and needed. losing you was hard as fuck on me, so i was overly touchy with everyone i saw.”
“is that why you hugged deku like that?” i croaked. 
“yeah. yes. i’m sorry. i just missed feeling your chin on top of my head - it was so protective. made me feel safe.” she mumbled. 
i let my self-control tumble away. i had built it up all these months without her, because it felt like dangling off a cliff with my little finger everytime she was looking up at me, even with angry eyes. 
i wrapped my arms around her, pulling her in for a tight hug, letting the smell of her perfume come back to me. she was shaking with tears as i held her. 
“i love you,” i grumbled. “i love you, i’m so fucking sorry, princess.”
“i love you more.”
“i love you most.”
black is a depressing colour. (y/n) had once said it made me look even paler, making my eyes and hair stand out more. but she also liked me in a suit. i felt the sad smile drift back across my face as i stared at the tux she had made me buy. 
the funeral was next week. (y/n) had passed away a full month ago. 
the days had passed like molasses. when the words were spoken, when i heard her shout how much she loved me at the top of her lungs, i knew she wouldn’t be coming back. two hours later i found her, and sobbed over her body. she was gone then, and i felt all the tears i had held in for most of my life come spilling out. i cried for so long and so much that i passed out from dehydration and lost my voice. i ended up in the hospital with an iv hooked up to me. i remember kirishima whispering that they couldn’t deal with losing me too.
at first, i spent my days wrapped up in my bed, wearing the hoodie she stole from me, the one she always washed with her laundry detergent. it still smelled like her, and i sobbed my heart out. 
eventually, i went completely numb. i sat on the couch, flipping through the television channels. i accidentally ended up on a memorial for her, showing an interview she had done once, after a huge rescue. i was standing next to her, and i was looking at her with an embarrassing amount of love. that was the night i proposed to her.
sometimes i wondered if her death was faked. it was a (y/n) thing to do, and she had been threatened by a high level villain. it would be a great way to get him off her back. 
i had dreams about her coming home, telling me it had all been a ruse to save her life and would’ve put me at risk if i’d known. then i would gather her in my arms and sob against her shoulder while she assured me she wasn’t going anywhere.
those dreams never came true.
“i don’t really want a big wedding,” she mumbled, pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes. 
“you okay, my love?” i asked, leaning over her shoulders.
“hmm? sorry, yeah. i just - it’s not about you or anything, i just still don’t know if i want to get married. i’ve seen so many examples of bad marriage. it’s just a piece of paper.” she sighed, tilting her head back so she was looking up at me. i snuck a kiss before she shoved me off her, laughing.
“well, fuck them.” i crossed my arms. “they clearly never loved anyone as much as i’m in love with you, idiot. you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”
“but no kids.” (y/n) held up a pointed finger at me.
“no kids,” i held my hands up in surrender.
“yes dog.”
“yes dog.”
“i love you,” she smiled, her big wide smile that always made my heart race.
“you know i love you, stupid.” i reminded her, pulling her to her feet, and hugging her tightly. 
someone gave me back the ring i’d given (y/n). it hadn’t been a big engagement ring or anything, just a pretty carved band that she always wore on a chain or on her finger. when they gave it back to me, i cried again. 
we never got married. 
“we just can’t agree on the fucking date!” she groaned. 
“i’m sorry. i just don’t know why you want to get married in august. it’s hot as shit and i don’t want to deal with that!”
“but december, katsuki? fucking december? that’s like, my least favourite month! plus, we’d have to compete with christmas and new years.”
“well what are we supposed to do?”
“may?”
“may?” i blinked.
“yeah. spring is pretty too. and it’s not super hot either.”
i sighed, pausing to think about it. “may it is.” i whispered, and a smile glowed on her face. 
“i love you!” she tackled me in a hug, covering my face in kisses.
“stop! personal space, shitty woman!” i shouted, laughing as she did it. i slipped my hands to her waist and pulled her against me, which stopped her. 
“i love you more.” i whispered. 
“i love you most,” she grinned.
i spoke at the funeral, of course. i kept it as short as i could so i wouldn’t cry in front of them. i listened to ashido and midoriya talk about (y/n), and to her mom speak about her best memories through tears. i felt numb.
about two months after her funeral, kirishima asked me why i never went to see her tombstone. i said it was because i didn’t fucking want to, but in reality it was because i was scared. i was scared to see her name on that stone and know she was gone. there was no coming back from that.
my therapist, who i was forced to see but i also went to because i needed someone to talk to, told me i should probably go, because i was living in this stupid place of hope, believing she might come back. 
i sat in my car in the parking lot of the cemetery. i knew where (y/n)’s headstone was, but i was scared to go look at it. i was listening to the music filter through the radio.
“i like this song, katsu.” (y/n) was leaning over me, her hair falling in front of my face like a waterfall.
“so? what’s it to me?” i scoffed.
“get up! we’re gonna dance.”
“we’re gonna what?” i asked, standing up and following her. she turned the volume up on the speakers, and reached for me.
“we’re gonna dance!” she exclaimed. i sighed, giving in easily. i could’ve held my ground, but she was so beautiful i couldn’t think straight.
i circled my arms around her waist, and she intertwined her fingers behind my neck. we swayed slowly, side to side. i admired every inch of her face.
“what?” she grinned. “see something you like?”
“obviously. that’s why i proposed, stupid.” i grumbled.
she blushed, and i smiled. i liked knowing i could still make her flustered sometimes. i pulled her closer, resting my chin on top of her head, and she leaned her head on my chest. 
we swayed some more, and i listened to the music and felt her breathe.
“thank you. for being my hero.” she breathed.
i closed my eyes, this time relishing in the grin that spread across my lips.
i locked the car doors as i walked towards the hill where the willow tree she always pointed out when we drove past was planted. i pushed my hands deeper in my pockets as i felt the nerves bubble in my stomach. 
i was looking at a piece of stone, and it shouldn’t have made me cry.
but it was my last name. not (y/l/n). bakugou was written on her tombstone. i felt my knees weaken and i dropped to the ground, heaving with sobs as i wrapped my arms around myself. 
“you’re so against tradition. are you going to take my name?” i asked.
“do you want me to?” (y/n) tilted her head to the side, searching my eyes.
“yes.” i said honestly.
“then of course i will. i’ll take your last name.” she smiled. “i’d love to be a bakugou, katsuki. because i love you.”
i reached out to touch her hand across the table. she intertwined our fingers, glancing back down at her mission briefing. 
it took a long time for me to clear my vision. when i did, i took a while to sit in silence, reading her tombstone over and over. 
“i miss you.” i said out loud. i almost flinched at the sound of my own voice, but once the words were out of my mouth, it all came out.
“these - months without you have felt empty. i miss falling asleep next to you, or having you beg me to make dinner because i’m the only one who can cook. i miss you forcing me to do shitty things that i was scared to do on my own.” i wiped aggressively at my eyes. 
“this is so fucking stupid. fucking - i wish it had been me, sometimes. but then i think that it would be you, sitting here alone. crying. it would’ve been worse. but i can’t fucking do this, princess. i can’t do this without you.” i glanced up at the sky. i had never felt more weak in my whole life. so empty. there was a physical piece of myself missing without her, and there was nothing that could replace it.
“i never got to see your dress.” i clenched my hands into tight fists. “your beautiful wedding dress… i remember the look on your face when you came home with it. ‘if we’re gonna do this, we’re doing it right’ you said. so that meant i didn’t get to see your dress until i watched you walk towards me.”
“i feel like this is my fault. if i had taken the patrol route that night, instead of you, you might still be here. i might be married to you by now.” i had to squeeze my eyes shut to try and suppress the tears again. “i fucking hate this. i fucking hate that i can’t fucking do anything! i promised i’d always protect you. i promised i would be your hero. i fucking love you! i’m so sorry i couldn’t save you, (y/n)… i’m so fucking sorry!” i choked on my sobs, covering my face with my hands.
“why do you always hide your face when you cry?” (y/n) asked softly. “you don’t need to pretend you don’t feel things, baby. you’re the love of my life. let yourself feel your emotions.”
“i have to be strong.” i told her, keeping my voice as angry as possible. “i have to.”
“why?” she asked bluntly. “what valid reason do you have to force yourself to be emotionless and strong all the time?”
i didn’t have a response for her. i stared into her eyes and just waited. for her to tell me why that was wrong, why i should be letting myself feel.
instead she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me against her the way i did to her when she cried. i let myself be comforted by her, just this once. her hands ran down my back in a calming motion. 
“i can’t really get mad at you for it.” (y/n) sighed. “i do it too.”
i glanced at her, holding her gaze as she wiped my tears away. “but you don’t have to hide from me, katsuki. i promise.” 
the nightmares varied after that. she was really gone, i guess, and once that settled in i managed to force myself back up in the morning to train. things fell back into place, as i trained harder, fought harder. i was determined to not let anyone die the same way (y/n) had. 
and she never came back. i never fell in love again, because i was so scared that i wouldn’t be able to protect them again. i let myself hide behind my emotional barriers again, the ones she had broken down, and i stayed there.
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slowlydrowningme · 4 years
Text
Under the Bright but Faded Lights
Title: Under the Bright but Faded Lights
Rating: T
Word Count: 1546
Warnings: Description of kidnapping and injury, minor mentions of blood and violence
Pairing: Damian x fem!reader
Prompt:  18 and 22 for Damian Wayne x fem reader (Pinterest prompt lost #1) please! 
“You are weak with love for her.”
Notes: Apparently I have issues writing fics that are mostly the requested pair.  I don’t know how this turned into what it did, but there it is.  Fun fact: I started this fic three different ways before I settled on this one.  Good times.
Tags: @this-is-what-makes-us-fandoms
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things are fuzzy when you come back to your senses slowly.  The pain in your head isn’t surprising and neither is the wet, sticky feeling on the side of your head.  The cold is seeping into your skin through the material of your jeans where you’re sitting on the damp concrete, hands pulled above your head secured with chains if the clinking noise is anything to go by.  Your shoulders are sore and your ribs ache with each breath, but other than that you seem to be relatively unharmed.  The pounding headache was by far the worst part.
And it was made worse when you finally decided to open your eyes.
“Y/N…thank god.”
“Di-Nightwing?”  You can barely make out he outline of the man sitting across from you, but the voice and color scheme are unmistakable. “What happened?”
“What do you remember?” Blinking your vision clear, you try to remember the events leading up to that shadow appearing in your bedroom.
“Dinner with a friend,” you say in leu of saying Damian’s name because you don’t know who has you and what they know.  “A movie and then a walk home.”  It had been Damian’s night off and he had decided to take you on one of the most cliché dates ever because Dick had recommended it and you had found it amusing. He would do anything to see that lovesick smile on your face and the whole family (and you) knew it.
“Where did he grab you?”
“He?”
“Deathstroke.”  Well, damn.  “Where were you?”
“At home.  I had been there about ten minutes.”  The lenses of Nightwing’s mask closed and you knew he had drawn the same conclusion.  Long enough that Damian would have been well on his way home.  “But…I never sent the text.”
The text that you sent every night before slipping into bed and drifting off for the night.  The text that would be replied to immediately if Robin wasn’t patrolling.  The text that you would see the reply to when you woke up the next morning if he was. The text that was sent because you had once told Damian how your mother said her biggest regret was not getting the chance to tell your father she loved him one last time before he died in the car accident when you were ten.
“He’ll notice then.”
“Yeah,” you breath out, blinking slowly as your head starts to fog up again.  “How long have we been here?”
“Me, a couple of hours. You, maybe an hour tops.”  Damian would have definitely figured something out by now.  Whether he had figured it was foul play was still up in the air.
“Hey, N?”  You struggled to keep the slur out of your voice, but the startled look on his face told you that you had failed.  “I’m going to pass out again now.”
“Hey, no!  Y/N?!  You need to stay awake!”  Nightwing called out, but he already sounded like you were listening from underwater, so you knew it was a pointless cause at this point.
The next time you came to, you are still chained up but there’s the distinct sound of fighting in the room with you.  A gun shot going off pulls you out more quickly than the previous time.
“You should have killed me when you had the chance, kid,” the deep voice of Deathstroke, aka Slade Wilson, draws your attention to where he and Robin are engaged in a fight.  A quick glance reveals Nightwing is almost out of his manacles, tossing worried looks between the fighting pair and you.
“Y/N!”  Nightwing relaxes slightly in the shoulders when he notices your eyes are open again.  But that is short lived when another gun shot goes off and something sharp hits your cheek.  You flinch and gasp when the pain in your arms is brought back to your attention.  
You’re aware you haven’t been shot, but you definitely took some kind of shrapnel to the cheek and it stings. But it just serves to remind you of all the other aches and pains that have only gotten worse since your last bout of consciousness.
“Ow,” you muttered, blinking back the bite of tears.
“Jesus,” Nightwing swears, doubling his efforts to get out of his restraints.  It’s a moment later that both of his arms are falling to his sides and he’s crawling over to where you’re slouched.  But your eyes are on Robin and Deathstroke.  You had seen Damian fight plenty of times and every time you’re able to marvel at the terrifying beauty of it.  But he has a katana and Deathstroke is wielding his guns.  
“No, help him.  Help Robin,” you gasp out when Nightwing reaches up to pick the lock securing your hands above your head.
“No.  He’d never let me hear the end of it if I didn’t get you out of here first.”
“Please help him.” But you know your request is in vain because Nightwing is shaking his head and reaching above you still.  Your chest is tight with fear as you keep your eyes on Robin as he focuses on Deathstroke.
“The others are here,” Nightwing says quietly as you feel the grip around your wrists release and he’s gently guiding your arms down.  He’s careful with you, but you aren’t trained to compartmentalize the way they are and the pained cry escapes your dry, cracked lips.  There’s a flurry of movement when the others crash into the room and you flinch at the commotion before leaning into Nightwing as he shifts to protect you from what’s happening on the other side of the warehouse.  
“Get her out of here,” comes a growl that is sadly all too familiar these days and just, how did knowing Batman’s voice become your norm?  “Nightwing, now!”  The order is clear and Nightwing tenses with it but doesn’t argue.  Instead, he loops an arm under your legs and around your back, lifting you easily as he stood.  
“Leslie is waiting at the Cave.  Take mine.” Red Hood shoots Nightwing a glance over his shoulder before taking a shot at Deathstroke.  
You want to argue. You want to fight them all to get to Robin and make sure he’s okay, but the fog is coming back and you’re not certain how much longer you’ll be able to hang on.  But you fight it because Hood’s ride is a motorcycle and you’ll need to hang on for the ride to the Cave.
Thankfully, Nightwing seems to know you’ve only got a little bit left in you and straps you onto his back before you’re flying a breakneck speed to the hidden entrance.  But you’re out again before you enter and when you come back to the world, you’re laying on a bed in the med bay of the Cave and Damian is sitting next to you.  You hand, that doesn’t have an IV attached to it, is held tightly between both of his, his lips pressed to your knuckles as he watches you blink awake.  There’s no hiding the fear in his eyes, or the relief at seeing you awake, so you give him your best shot at a smile.
“Hey,” your voice is rough and you can guess that you’ve probably been out for a fair amount of time given the texture of it.
“Thank gods you’re all right,” he whispers in response, leaning forward and kissing your forehead. You close your eyes and hum in response. “I was so worried.  When you never sent the text,” he explained, leaning back to sit down again.  He kept his grip tight on your hand, placing his lips back to your knuckles.
“Slade?”
The darkened expression tells you all you need to know.  Escaped.
“What did he want?”  There had been no exchange between the two of you other than the butt of his gun connecting to the side of your head, so you couldn’t be certain outside of your connection to Robin.
“To make a point.  He failed.”
“He was never going to kill me or Dick, was he?”  Damian let out a snort and shook his head.
“No, he’s too fond of Grayson.  It’s disturbing.  I think he only takes him to prove he still can,” and wasn’t that disturbing.  But you were still glad that Damian’s oldest brother had been there to keep you calm and watch out for you.
“Dami?  What point was he trying to make?”  The question is quiet, and you’re worried about the answer, but you also know you need to hear it.
“You’re weak with love for her,” Slade ground out as he blocked a blow from Damian, throwing one of his own that was easily blocked by the other man.  “Your grandfather would be disgusted with how weak you are.”
“You are wrong.  I’m strong because of my love for her.  For all of them.  That is where my grandfather was wrong.”
“It doesn’t matter. He was wrong.”  The smile he gives you is enough to put out the fire of fear in your belly and when he releases your hand to place his hands on either side of your face so he can press his lips to yours sooths the remaining doubts.
“I love you, My Prince.”
“And I you, Beloved.”
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madbucker · 4 years
Text
Silhouettes | Daryl Dixon.
Eventual Daryl Dixon x female reader.
IV.
Season 1.
MASTERLIST.
Loosely based on the song We Will Become Silhouettes by The Postal Service.
Summary: Y/N follows Rick to Atlanta. They find a group willing to help them.
Warnings: language, gore stuff (twd style), mentions of death, mentions of domestic abuse. Will add more warnings depending on the chapter’s content. Let me know if you think it needs some other warning!
Word count: 3.6k.
Author’s note: First things first, I’m not a native English speaker, so bear with me! You can send me a message or an ask pointing out some mistakes so I can edit the post. Also, it will help me learn the language, so don’t hesitate! Had this in my drafts for a few days. I hope you like it! ♥
Gif’s not mine.
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“Morgan…” You couldn’t find the right words to express how grateful you were. You looked at Morgan and Duane with conflict showing in your eyes: you were happy and hopeful that you were going to find your sister in Atlanta, but you couldn’t ignore the anguish, the heartbreak of leaving them. Every second counted, and waiting a few more days could lower your chances of finding her alive, but those two had saved your life. What if leaving them lowered their chances of making it to safety? Even if you weren’t suited for survival, having someone else around could make a difference.
“Go, this is your chance. We’ll meet again, soon.” Morgan took over as if he knew how much you were feeling at the moment, embracing you not only with his arms but with his words.
Yeah, we’ll meet again, you thought. Your mind softened for a couple of seconds when you felt another set of arms hugging you tight from your side. You had only known them for a couple of weeks, but that was a lot when the world was the way it was. Weeks felt like a lifetime for you, and so it did for the men that had taken you in.
Men, because Duane was far from being a boy. It was sad, he deserved to live the rest of his childhood like you did, or like his father did. He had to, forcefully, become brave, strong, and even cold sometimes.
“We’ll meet again in Atlanta, or somewhere else, I don’t know, but we will.” You said as they let go of you. All you could do after that was forcing yourself to smile reassuringly.
“Now go and help Rick find his family too.”
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“You can't leave me here... Not like this. You can't, man. It's not human. Come on, don't do this!”
Merle’s voice was faint as you ran down the stairs with everyone else. Their names were blurry in your head, the adrenaline making you forget about everything but the fact that your life was hanging by a thread.
But Merle, oh, you would never forget his name.
He was the type of person you were afraid to run into, back when you were alone. You were glad Rick was there to put him in his place, even though that hadn’t shut him up. 
Finding other survivors had its downside, you guessed, but not all of it was bad.
They told you that they had a camp, that they had people. The blonde woman’s younger sister was one of them, and they said they had children, too. Maybe it was too good to be true, but since Atlanta was overrun by walkers, then that was the best you had.
Walkers, that’s what they’d named them: because that’s all they did, they were the empty carcasses of what used to be a beautifully complex human being. They just walked, and bit, and killed.
You feared your sister was one of those, roaming around the city. That thought hadn’t left your mind since you first realized how bad things had gotten there. What if she had gone to Atlanta, seeking shelter, but found her death instead? You knew you had to get out of the situation you were in before you made any decisions. The camp didn’t seem like a bad idea, you could stay there temporarily and visit the city a few more times until you found her. Maybe even bring back supplies to thank everyone for letting you stay. That was if you made it, survival was still something new, something you had to train for.
Safety in numbers felt like your best shot. 
You didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings until you got inside the loading dock, your eyes were fixed in what was in front of you. A walker could’ve gotten you from your sides and you wouldn’t have noticed until it was too late. You were lucky enough to get to safety.
So was T-Dog, who at last second caught up with you, right before you heard Rick banging on the door.
You sat next to the two women, hugging yourself with your trembling arms. You were agitated and couldn’t catch enough air to say what you knew everyone else wanted to say.
“Hey, T-Dog,” you moaned once you could stabilize your breath, “where’s Merle?” you almost barked the asshole’s name. He looked down to his knees.
“I dropped the damn key,” he growled, angry and ashamed.
“Well, shit.” You whispered, making sure nobody heard. Merle had it coming, that was clear, but T-Dog didn’t have to carry with the guilt of leaving a man to die just because he happened to be… the way he was.
“Best not to dwell on it. Merle got left behind. Nobody's gonna be sad he didn't come back... except, maybe, Daryl.” One of the men commented. You lifted your head and locked your eyes with his, your heart starting to beat faster once again. If for some reason Merle had someone who cared for him, then they had to love him. That was a difficult man, the one you had met back there… It must've taken a huge amount of patience and devotion to want him around for more than a few hours.
If he actually had someone who cared for him, you were completely fucked.
“Daryl?” you hesitated to ask, not sure if you wanted to hear the answer.
“His brother.”
The scenario was so beautiful it was truly unbelievable. You were stepping out of the dock when Rick’s drowned cry caught your attention. Looking forward, you saw a kid running to hug him, followed by a woman. You quickly figured out Rick had found his family, making your heart flutter. In the shithole you were in, you figured those things were a sight to be seen, something that didn’t happen every day, so you let yourself enjoy the view.
You knew Rick’s son was young, even younger than Duane, but seeing him there made you realize how fragile he was.
Innocent, scared, too little to live through those times. And for a second, you forgot that a few hours before you thought you had no purpose left. Not finding your sister, seeing how one of the biggest cities in the country had fallen… you had started to think that there was no use in trying so hard to survive when you had nobody left.
But there he was, Carl, and there were more kids in the camp. Maybe you could do more than just survive. Trying to help them live their lives with as little worry and concern as possible was better than giving up.
“Why on earth did you leave the apartment?!” A loud, high pitched scream echoed through the camp, and it didn’t take long for you to spot her, running to you.
Her. Mayra. Your sister.
When her body slammed into yours, you fell backward as you hugged her tight, trying not to let her go, as if she could slip away from your arms at any moment. You stayed on the ground trying to take in every detail you could. Her shaky breath, the way her hair felt on your skin, how her fingers were uncomfortably pressed between the ground and your shoulder blades. Her small cries as she tried to find the exact words to say.
“I was looking for you!”, at that point, you were sobbing, not even thinking about the people whose eyes wandered from Rick to you two.
“And I was about to go back home looking for you!” She cried, steadying her breath before standing back up. You followed her actions, your sight never leaving hers.
You weren’t sure how long it had been since it all started. Weeks, for sure. Months, too, although sometimes it felt like decades.
Suddenly, her eyes widened and she scanned her surroundings, fear creeping in her. She put both of her hands on your shoulders and lightly shook her head, still searching for something, you couldn’t guess what.
“Did he die?” She questioned firmly. You didn’t answer, had someone else gone to Atlanta that hadn’t made it? Someone who died before you found the group? She couldn’t be talking about… 
The entire world fell on top of you. You had just discovered your sister was alive and had also just found out you left someone she cared about behind. “Did Merle fucking die?!”
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The fire warmed your legs and the frog legs tasted so, so good. You hadn’t eaten anything freshly cooked in such a long time, it felt unreal. You were focused on your food and on Rick’s story, it was the first time you heard him talk in-depth about what had happened. He seemed happy, and the bags under his eyes were more subtle. His entire demeanor had changed.
“They found me…” your sister’s voice interrupted your trail of thoughts. You had a conversation pending; one that the both of you decided to ignore so you could enjoy the feeling of being back together, “... the Dixons, I mean. Merle didn’t want me around, Daryl didn’t either, but he was too kind to let it show. Thank God we found the group, like, a couple of days after I joined them.” Her eyes were lost in the flames as she spoke. She knew it hadn’t been your fault, there was no way you would leave him on purpose. “But I was about to die, Y/N. I felt the walker’s teeth on my skin, it tore the fabric on my shoulder. I just accepted it, didn’t fight back, didn’t try to escape.” She looked at you, and you realized that nothing meant shit anymore… life at that moment was constantly being on the verge of dying and knowing that the people you loved could die at any moment, too. Nothing could ever go back to what it used to be. “And, then, a freaking arrow went through the walker’s head. Clean, just like that, and it fell on top of me. I had never seen death in first person, you know. I had lost my friends after a dozen of those creeps came out of nowhere, but I didn’t see them die, I just heard the screams.”
She was your little sister, you hated to hear her that way, so hopeless and surrendering to death. 
“You’re safe now, these people know how to fight-” you stared, but she stopped you before you could finish.
“I know. But one of the men who saved my ass isn’t safe. Yes, he’s not the kindest, nicest, or most selfless man, but I owe him.” You knew that feeling too well. You owed Morgan and Duane, you owed Rick, and Glenn, and so many people. None of them had behaved the way Merle did, but not only Mayra owed him, you did too.
Nodding, you sighed and looked at her in the eyes, reassuring her you would do something to get him back, anything you could.
“Hey, Ed, you want to rethink that log?” Shane’s loud demand made you jump slightly. Your sister nudged you on your side with her elbow and signaled you to look at Ed. She had been suspicious about him and you both had talked about it a few hours back
“It’s cold, man.”
“Then join us or put it out, we don’t want to be seen…” you spoke, managing to sound as nice as you could. You didn’t want to start anything, but you knew how dangerous it could get. You had to avoid loud sounds and bright lights. But Ed, as expected, ignored you.
“Yeah, the cold doesn’t change the rules, does it? Keep our fires low, just embers so we can't be seen from a distance, right?” Shane continued.
“I said it's cold. You should mind your own business for once.” Ed’s answer has was harsh, you could tell he would be hard to deal with, but not everything could be perfect in such a numerous and diverse group. Everyone had different stories to tell, some of them were more tragic than others.
Shane got up and walked steadfastly towards Ed and his family’s fire, “Hey, Ed... Are you sure you want to have this conversation, man?”
“Go on. Pull the damn thing out. Go on!” Ed bossed and his wife pulled the log out of the fire almost immediately, not questioning his husband’s command. It was sad and frustrating, but knowing that stepping in could cause the wife and the little girl to get hurt forced you to stay in your place. Shane seemed to be handling the situation. He was like some sort of leader in the camp, and he had been around those people for so much longer than you, he knew what to do. At least that’s what you told yourself in an attempt to find comfort.
You saw how Shane spoke to Ed’s wife and their daughter, but you couldn’t hear what he said as the group had started a conversation to fill in the silence.
“Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon? He won't be happy to hear his brother was left behind.” The man -whose name you learned was Dale- questioned, deciding to talk about the elephant in the room. 
“I'll tell him. I dropped the key. It's on me.” T-Dog’s shameful tone showed up once again.
“I cuffed him. That makes it mine.” Rick followed. It couldn’t turn into a competition of who was brave enough, who was the most selfless, or who was willing to sacrifice themselves.
“We were all there, it’s not a competition, any of us could’ve done something-” You intervened, hoping you could bring into the conversation the fact that you were planning on going back, but Glenn interrupted you:
“I don't mean to bring race into this, but it might sound better coming from a white guy.” You hated it, but if Daryl was as bigoted as his brother, then Glenn was right.
“I did what I did. Hell if I'm gonna hide from him.” T-Dog stated, completely convinced of facing the consequences.
“And we keep on making a competition out of this. We all should be there and say whatever we have to say.” You said in a determined tone. You were all responsible, one way or another.
“Look, Y/N… maybe I can tell him?” Mayra whispered as the rest kept on debating who should speak up.
“I don’t know how it could help…” You said back. Yes, Mayra knew him better than you, but she hadn’t been involved, she didn’t have to.
She opened her mouth to protest, but T-Dog’s words captured your interest instantly:
“My point... Dixon's alive and he's still up there, handcuffed on that roof. That's on us.”
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When the fire was out and everyone got into their tents, including your sister, you still sat on the same log as before. The scenario felt strange, almost unknown to you: outside at night, under the cloudy night sky, and still not unsafe. It had been so long since you felt immortal and undefeatable, just like any other girl your age felt... like nothing could happen to you, not ever. You missed it. But beautiful as that night was, the imminent danger thickened the air.
You felt your eyes growing heavier each second. You were ready to go to sleep, so you got up and started to walk to the tent you and Mayra would share, but the sight of someone on the roof of Dale’s RV made you stop on your tracks.
Shane was keeping watch, and you wondered if he did it each night, or how had they arranged the shifts. He looked tired and the look on his face was anything but friendly.
“Hey, want to switch?” You asked approaching the stairs and climbing up, not waiting for an answer. Once you got off the stairs, your eyes wandered through the trees and landed up in the sky. If he kept watch every night, then you knew why. The view wasn’t mesmerizing, you had seen more beautiful countless times before, but the air up there was lighter, and the breeze, soothing. 
“Sorry ‘bout Ed today.” Shane ignored your question. You sat down next to the chair he was sitting in.
“Don’t be, he’ll pay for what he’s doing to his family someday. Soon, I hope.” You looked up and realized his eyes were lost somewhere in the horizon. He looked tired, and if you read more into it: defeated. “Go to sleep, I’ll stay. I want to.”
It came as a surprise to you: that was all he needed to hear. He didn’t protest, he got up, handed you the shotgun and left. You didn’t know if he would be able to get some sleep, at least he could try to.
But what you did know was that you weren’t suddenly concerned about the sleeping schedule of a man you had just met. You were desperately in need of being alone. Being around so many people was something you had only dreamt about, at least for the last weeks, and although you felt the luckiest you had ever felt, the safety you had found allowed you to put your feet back on the ground.
Everything had happened so fast. You almost died, and more than once. You met people, they saved you, you left one of them to die, you found out Mayra was alive and safe, Rick’s family was with her… and you still had to figure out how to break the news to Merle’s brother. 
You were going back to the city, too, as if everything that had happened wasn’t enough. You’d do it for your sister, and for the men who saved her, as questionable as they were.
And suddenly, it clicked.
The bag. The guns.
You had to remind Rick. It could save the group from an attack from walkers, or from other people. That way you knew somebody else would go back with you and you would actually have a shot of coming back alive, even if they despised Merle.
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“Merle! Merle! Get your ugly ass out here! I got us some squirrel! Let's stew 'em up.”
You had just finished hanging some of your clothes to dry when an unbothered and loud voice caught everyone’s attention. From their wide eyes, you could tell who had just gotten back. Merle’s brother, Daryl, sounded, moved, and acted just like him. It wasn’t just the accent, but his words, how his presence made everyone uncomfortable… you could tell they were expecting him to snap as soon as he found out. Behind him, Shane and Rick looked and nodded to each other. You approached them, determined to be a part of it even if hell broke loose.
“Your brother was a danger to us all, so I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked him to a piece of metal. He's still there.” Rick got to the point with no rambling.
“We locked the door, he’s safe from walkers.” You dared to look at him in the eyes, but regretting it as soon as he opened his mouth.
“Hold on. Let me process this. You're saying you handcuffed my brother to a roof and you left him there?!”
“Yeah.” Rick stepped in front of you, and without skipping a beat, Daryl attacked Rick, who shoved him off. 
You took a few steps back and spotted your sister, who was just getting out of the RV. Her eyes widened and her mouth hung open as soon as she realized what was happening: Daryl, Shane, T-Dog and Rick were yelling at each other. She stood in her place, everyone in the camp knew well not to intervene. Shane had Daryl on a chokehold as Rick explained to him that he wanted to have a calm discussion, which seemed to force Daryl to give in. Shane let go of him.
“What I did was not on a whim. Your brother does not work and play well with others.” Rick kept going. At that point, you guessed nothing could actually calm Dixon, he was still breathing heavily.
“It's not Rick's fault. I had the key. I dropped it.” T-Dog cut in.
“You couldn't pick it up?” Daryl snarled.
“Well, I dropped it in a drain.”
“If it's supposed to make me feel better, it don't.” 
“Hey, I told you, the door’s chained with a padlock. There’s no way walkers could get to him.” You repeated, trying your best to be concise and get to the point: Merle was still out there. 
“And who the fuck are you?” Daryl took a few steps forward and stared at you in the eyes. You weren’t scared, but it did take you by surprise. You stumbled back and raised your hands, putting them in between you.
“She’s my sister, Daryl!” Mayra’s shaky voice made him turn around. You couldn’t see his face, but hers was filled with heartbreak. She felt she had failed him, as if she had broken an unspoken promise. Daryl faced you again.
“Funny, huh? How I saved your sister but you left my brother to rot.” He growled. His voice low and irritated.
Your eyes jumped from Mayra to him. You straightened your body and took a deep breath. He was right. You felt miserable, and you couldn’t imagine how hard it was for Mayra, you knew you would have to do something as soon as she told you her story.
“I know, that’s why I’m going back there. With or without you.”
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aylaspeaches · 3 years
Text
Thoughts
A fic going through the multiple thoughts Atlas has a day 
(fair warning Atlas cant think about just one thing at a time, his brain is everywhere, so the topic does change quite a bit)
Word count: 905 words
Its pretty short, and was mostly a workout for me, cause im just now getting back into writing <3
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Everything was so cold, like a blizzard, ever since she left me, my heart has been in capsulized by the freezing cold, of past memories. She didnt necessarily leave me, she just, died. Slipped off a ledge, down into the ocean, I tried to jump, to hop to get to her, but by the time had drowned myself in the ocean, I saw her. Dead, her body punctured on a rock. All that, for the fact of her using magic, All of that, just because she was trying to treat her son? was it my fault. 
The thought in itself haunts me.
Was it my fault my mother was dead? its been over 8 years but the thought, keeps flickering back in my brain, and I fear it might emerge again as a roaring flame, like It did to me as a child.  If I hadn’t gone out to play with that deer, in the freezing cold, if I wouldn't have gained a fever, if I didnt get worse so she didnt have to treat me with her magic, would she still be alive?
I shove the thought from my mind.
I was his fault, If he didn’t add that damn law to the village we wouldn't have both almost died, that terrible, insolent, sorry excuse for a father.
That stick was so far up his ass, and at this point, it was more like some solid cock, the the generals cock that he was obviously sucking to keep his place in court.
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He wasn't worth it, thats why I cut him out of my life.
And none the less, I had Ruth. the morning always excites me, another day another trip, another probably meeting a hot stranger at a bar and sleeping with them because I have no self control. The uge.
Everything goes well till I sleep. I dont like sleeping, my dreams are always tainted with agony, the same pattern, over and over again, it always starts out with my father telling me no one would want me, then cuts to me and my mother being chased and then. This time it was different. When I ran off the cliff, to get my mother, I could see myself as well. Me, now. Jumping off, my magic guiding me over the stream, it was, different, from the rest, I didnt wake up screaming, begging for my mother this time, which was, nice, to say the least, and I felt this overwhelming warmness.
I felt safe.
I got that same feeling when I met ruth, she's been the only thing ive had since I was young. So tall, so broad, she looked like she knew how to scare the crap out of any guy who pissed her off, and she was always sweet to me.
She’s trustworthy., I know that cause the first time she met my father she threatened to castrate him and shove his dick down his throat. The look on his face was amazing and ive never wanted to hug someone so badly in my entire life.
I feel so bad for her, she acts so strong and tough, but i’ve seen her cry. She cried when she saw me injured, she cried when she realized couldn't have a kid. She always treats me as if im just her partner, her friend, but sometimes you can tell she has that motherly love. It breaks my heart to see her like that.
But only I know about that, she refuses to tell anyone else, she doesnt want them to see her in pain, in agony, and I hate it cause I can, I can see all of the sorrow she tries to hide. To me, she kind of is a mother, she always looks out for me, protecting me, caring for me, comforting me. She cares.
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Y’know, I always hated labels, its so hard to conform to them, I mean, ive settled on being gender fluid so people stop asking me how I identify, but, that still doesnt supplement for some people.
I guess, considering how im “masculine” appearing, men just assume im a guy, that is, until they find out I have a pussy, its so funny, the bizarre look on their face when they realized I didnt have a dick. Not like I dont have a strap y’know, rude.
I guess, I hate labels because it makes me feel like I have to conform to a box that I just don’t fit in. I don’t like the whole gender concept cause it makes me feel like I have to conform to male, or female, masc, or fem presenting, can’t I just be a human being who can do magic and shit? I guess, there is places where I dont get those questions, where I can be me freely with no questions asked, but my job makes me go to the absolute shitties places, where all the misogynistic assholes who cant keep them hands to themselves, and LOVE to ask those questions, are. It sucks.
I can't even count the amount of times ive told I guy wasn’t in the mood and I had to stab his fucking hand so it wouldn't roam around my fucking ass. There is nice places, but I, never get enough time, to visit the nice places, only stuck going to the “we’re fucking asshats” places.
I honestly just wish I could go home.
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