#and for some reason even just addressing it makes my pain not feel so bad.. less inflammation
Note
I have come with yet another angsty ask! *bows dramatically*
(I dont know if youre planning to put this scenario in one of the bad endings so please feel free to ignore or omit some details)
MC dies (Hurrah!) ROs go through MC's stuff, or if OOC, Oswin goes through MC's stuff and give other RO a letter/finds a letter addressed to them. According to MC's hobbies/skills they might find a weapon, a scarf/cape (needlework mc), random trinket (trade mc), recipe for favorite food of RO (baker mc), etc. MC wrote the letter in case they die and wanted RO to have a piece of MC to remember them by.
What would the RO's do with the gift? How would they honor MC's gift? Would they use the gift everyday or as often as they can? Would they store the gift in a precious box and take a peek at it every now and then? Would they just shove it as far as they can because just the sight of it hurts them so much?
Love lots to you author <3
Every time I see you in my inbox, this is the mental image of you I get:
So, at the end of my tale there won't be "bad" endings necessarily - there definitely could be, and if my mood takes a dramatic downturn…well, maybe MC won't be safe after all (kidding, it saddens me to think of them perishing after everything they go through). Anyway, the MC will have choices and each choice has its ups and downs - and consequences. Depending on how you reason with them, they may seem like bad endings (if that cheers your twisted little heart up).
Starting out with a gut-punch right away with this one…I'll write these with the context that they were together a long time - partnered up, had a family if they wanted, etc…This wasn't after a short-term relationship sort of deal - which makes this infinitely worse.
After this, I may need to hold back on any MC death scenarios for a while, lol. My widdle heart is very much attached to them. Even though I'm technically the one that keeps, like, torturing them...but, ignore that.
Oswin: Has a penchant for keeping these things with him. He'll carry MC's weapon for the remainder of his life - he'll wear the trinket - stitch the item into his clothing - make this recipe every week. It must be near him at all times. He waits for the day they can be reunited.
Zahn: They hoard it, keep it in a safe place and look at it frequently. If it's a recipe, they learn to cook it. Everything else they need to touch often. They press it to their face and speak to it. It hurts, but they need to.
Duri: They want to…but they can't stand to look at it. It's too much. They have it in a box they hold as sacred. The box they can touch, feel the presence of the item within without reopening their grief. They can honor MC by going to the places they dwelt together, knowing that a part of their spirit still clings to them.
Rune: Their memento stands at the center of an ornate private shrine. Its setting is in the finest stone and metals that money can buy. They make themselves see it. MC's memory will live on through their pain. They sit at the shrine, light candles and play their lyre, dedicating songs to their love until they can sing together again.
???: "You always did have a way of shining light into my darkness."
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inner mantras are so powerful if you let yourself really tap in and believe in that mantra
#i keep telling myself pain is a mindset and out of context thats so silly. right#but im learning physical pain is linked with mental stress so I keep checking in with myself: is something really stressing me out?#and for some reason even just addressing it makes my pain not feel so bad.. less inflammation#okay well im gonna be real i think me smoking more recently has also helped with the inflammation but. lol#im sober rn tho and the pain that made me feel hopeless on fri/sat feels so manageable today..#im so grateful for having a body that heals itself and a body that tries its best to help survive ♥︎#who do you thank for that? your mother? some type of god? your body itself? all i know is.. im so grateful#txt#things that sound deep when your out of it tag
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What really pisses me off when people are like. No child should be friends with an adult; it’s (insert word/phrase that has been misused so much it’s kinda ceased to have meaning to me anymore) is… My older friends? Even though I’m 28 and yknow. An Adult. Have literally saved my life. Like not only do they have more knowledge about how things work (like Medicaid and food stamps and student loans and resumes and and and all the other shit nobody bothers to teach you and can be hella confusing/nearly inaccessible unless you Know but is hella important/can really fuck up your life if you’re not careful) and like…more experience so when they tell you “it’s gonna be hard, but you can handle it” or “I know it looks scary, but it’s not that bad and I promise you’ll get through it” or “it doesn’t matter if don’t graduate college, look at me. I didn’t. I’ve got a stable, well paying job. It’s not impossible to be comfortable without a college degree. And look at (other friend who is sitting right next to them), they worked their ass off for a double degree and currently not using it! You’ll be okay, you’ll figure it out.” your brain can actually believe them cuz yknow. They’ve been where you are. They have that life experience. And they’re not gonna lie to you because they love you and respect you too much to do that.
Like I don’t want to make it sound like friendship is a commodity, but older friends and intergenerational friendships can be so extremely valuable, especially to vulnerable younger people in abusive households. And I don’t even mean like in that they can offer you a place to crash cuz not every friend is gonna be able to do that and that’s OKAY. But maybe they can still help you in other ways. Even if it’s “just” holding your hand and validating your fears while you cry your eyes out but reassuring you that they believe in your ability to work through it. They believe in *you*. (And yes, I REALLY appreciate the same sentiment from friends my age and it’s also extremely helpful and I love them so very much. But it just sorta hits in a different way coming from an older friend. Not in a way that’s better or worse. Just different.)
Also something something seeing that you have a future when you can’t see past the next year or six months is just. So fucking reassuring.
Also. Older friends are just plain fun. I love my older friends and my life would be so much poorer without them. So yknow. Fuck people that condemn intergenerational friendships.
Also also something something something ‘fuck you for making me feel terrible/paranoid about wanting to offer my own experience to those younger than me. To help them in any way I can. As another fantastic and dearly beloved friend says. “If you start sounding like my mental illness, YOU are the problem and maybe need to re-evaluate some things.”’
#ignore me#im just all up in my feels about that time my friend twisted around from the passenger seat of the car to hold my hand and comfort me while#I was crying and terrified about the upcoming semester. that said it IS actually not good that you’re having panic attacks and chest pains#just thinking about going back. and was so kind and understanding and calm and she listened and held my hand. or the other friend who grew#up with little financial security. worked two jobs to pay her college tuition because her parents just didn’t have the means to help her.#and now she’s married to a surgeon and EXTREMELY financially secure and because of her own experience she is just soooo. im gonna pay for#your dinner because I can and it won’t affect me or stress me at all and I want you to save your money. and if you need money for some#reason just let me know and we’ll figure it out because I have the means to help in this way and I’m gonna do it dammit and if you need to#or the friend that sincerely told me to call her if I needed someone to talk to. even if it’s the ass crack of dawn or 3 in the morning.#or my friend (my Person) who when I asked if it was okay to tell my cousin her address while visiting her so my cousin could pick me for#dinner. said ‘of course you can. this is your home too’ (home as in your safe here and home as in you are loved here and home as in you will#always be welcome here.)#like…just. intergenerational friendships guys#they are literally lifesaving#don’t deny young people these friendships#but as someone who has also been the Older Friend#don’t make them feel bad for just loving and caring about another human being#that’s what we do. that’s what humanity is#i scream into the void#personal
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Magda's Princesse
Hardersson x Child!Reader
Part of The Big Adventures Universe
Summary: A look back at your birth from Magda's perspective
Magda is already at the airport when she gets the call. She recognises the caller ID instantly and a smile appears on her face as she answers it.
"I'll be there soon," She says," I'm just about to get on the plane."
"You need to call Emma," Is what Pernille answers.
Magda's just about to get her ticket checked. She stops. "What?"
"You need to call Emma," Pernille repeats," And tell her that you'll be sitting the next few games out. You're busy."
Magda, for some reason, is feeling especially stupid because she just can't quite grasp what's being told to her. "But I'm not?"
"You are!" Pernille snaps before she lets out a groan of pain," Because I will be damned if I push your baby out and you run back to England a few days later."
Magda slumps into her seat in shock. "But...You can't be having her now! She's early!"
"By two days." Pernille sounds like she's gritting her teeth. "I'll send you the hospital address. I don't care how you do it but if you miss this, Magda, I will not be happy."
The line is dropped.
Magda is a tight ball of worry the entire flight. She's drunk two glasses of wine to ease her worries before cutting herself off in case she accidentally drinks herself into a coma before getting to the hospital.
She's one of the first off the plane and through border control. It takes half an hour to get her luggage and then another to find a taxi that will get her to the hospital.
Fischer is waiting outside for her, guiding Magda inside without little fanfare.
"She came to visit us at training," Magda's national teammate tells her," And then she went into labour."
"And the baby?"
"Fine so far," Fischer replies," Nothing to report."
Magda bursts into the room and attaches herself to Pernille. "Am I late?"
Pernille gives her a look. "Does it look like you're late?"
No, it certainly doesn't and Magda breathes a sigh of relief. "I think I scared Nilla. I left all my luggage with her."
"She's got spare keys," Pernille replies through deep, calming breaths as she works through another contraction," She can take your stuff to my place."
"Is it bad?" Magda asks sympathetically, letting Pernille squeeze her hand," The pain?"
"I've been told it will get worse," Pernille says," The nurse said I'm only five centimetres dilated. We could be here for a few more hours. Have you called Emma yet?"
Magda shakes her head. No, she hasn't. She was a bit preoccupied with making sure that she didn't miss the birth.
"We have time," Pernille says," Call her now and tell her."
●～●～●～●～
It's early in the morning when you make your appearance.
In solidarity, Magda does not go to sleep even though Pernille tells her to multiple times. She doesn't because if Pernille is suffering then it doesn't stand to reason that Magda gets to relax.
She's glad about it too because you come very early in the morning and if she was sleeping, Magda is ninety percent sure that Pernille wouldn't have been able to wake her up.
But you arrive with a lot of fanfare and even more screaming.
The doctor looks at you before turning around to get your weight from the nurses while Magda mops up Pernille's sweaty forehead and pulls her in for a gentle, loving kiss.
"You did it," She whispers," She's here."
Pernille, still exhausted, manages a smile. "She's here."
"For the mamas," The doctor says in stilted English.
He passes the bundle into Magda's arms.
You're finally quiet, swaddled securely in the baby blanket your parents had picked out for you weeks ago. You're staring up at her, with wide unblinking eyes. Your mouth is open and sucking on the air, rooting for milk already.
There are wisps of hair on your head and Magda gently unwraps you. You whine a little at the loss of warmth but quieten instantly when you are laid on Pernille's bare chest.
She looks down at you with a soft look. Her finger came up to stroke your cheek. You turn your head, lips searching for milk but catching her finger instead.
She coos at you as you suckle on her finger, eyes drooping shut.
Pernille looks up at Magda, who has her camera out and has already taken pictures she knows are going to be framed on the wall of her London home.
"She's here," Pernille says again with a watery smile.
"She is," Magda replies. She joins Pernille on the bed and gently strokes your little wisps of hair. "Look at her. We've done so well. She's so sweet."
"You make beautiful babies," Pernille says with a smile.
Magda laughs. "You can't say that to anyone. I've already gotten annoyed with the teasing about me knocking you up."
"Mm," Pernille laughs too," But you did knock me up. I've got the outcome right here."
Your eyes are open again, blinking to adjust to the light and your new outside surroundings. You suck more heavily on Pernille's finger.
"I think she needs a feed," Magda says.
●～●～●～●～
They're discharged from hospital the next day and Magda hovers incessantly when they take you back to Pernille's apartment.
Your nursery has been set up for weeks now, in anticipation when Magda had last visited and raided the local IKEA, building everything herself.
You're dressed up snugly in a bunny onesie, your feet kicking as your finally placed in your crib - which had been immediately moved into Pernille's room when it became clear that neither she nor Magda wanted to be separated from you.
"Hi, princesse," Magda coos.
You kick your legs again.
"You're so pretty, yes you are."
You're kicking becomes more repetitive as you stick your fist in your mouth.
"Look at those legs go. You're going to be such a good addition to Sweden when you're older."
"You mean Denmark," Pernille rasps. She rubs her eyes, having just taken a quick power nap. "I'm not raising my daughter to wear a Sweden jersey."
Magda rolls her eyes playfully. This conversation had been happening ever since they found out Pernille was pregnant. "We'll see."
Pernille picks you up gently, supporting your head before guiding Magda to the rocking chair, slowly placing you in her arms.
Magda leans down to kiss your head and breathe in your unique newborn smell. She smiles. You stare up at her.
A camera sounds and Magda doesn't even have to look up to know Pernille is grinning.
"That's getting framed," Pernille says," I think I'll put it on my bedside table. So I can remember this moment with you and the princesse."
"We need to give her a name soon," Magda says as Pernille crouches by the rocking chair and pulls the onesie's hood up onto your head, making it look like you have floppy bunny ears. "We can't keep calling her the princesse."
"Mmm." Pernille's finger strokes over your cheek. "I know it wasn't on the list but I like y/n."
"y/n," Magda repeats," Is that your name? Are you a y/n?"
You kick your legs out, catching Magda in the ribs.
"That's a pretty powerful strike, princesse. I think she's giving us her approval."
Pernille's eyes are so full of love that Magda almost bursts into tears. "I think so too. y/n Harder-Eriksson."
"y/n Eriksson-Harder."
"We've got another day before the trip to the embassies. We'll argue about her last name later," Pernille says," What matters right now is princesse has a name now."
"It's a very pretty name."
#woso x reader#hardersson x reader#magdalena eriksson x reader#magdalena eriksson#pernille harder x reader#pernille harder#woso community#woso imagine#woso fanfics#woso#The Big Adventures Universe
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I got a good feeling about "The Acolyte"
Not even kidding. Like, I've spoken before about why I'm wary of it.
George Lucas' Star Wars is something that intentionally has black and white morality, rather than shades of gray. Those movies are meant for kids and projecting a "gray" morality onto them then proclaiming it was George's vision all along is doing so in bad faith.
The narrative of the Prequels doesn't frame the Prequel Jedi in as negative a light as Leslye Headland, Dave Filoni, etc etc do.
See here for more details, but bottom line: yeah, a show that has a darksider as the underdog is bound to demonize the Jedi (who are the actual underdogs in the Prequels), and obviously that rubs me the wrong way.
BUT.
The trailer looks fucking cool. It really really does.
youtube
And more importantly? I've done some research... and Leslye Headland is ticking a lot of good boxes, in my book.
1. The Acolyte won't be a 10-hour movie.
I've criticized Disney Plus shows before, explaining that a big source for most of their issues is that these series are being structured as "long movies" rather than, y'know, actual shows.
But in this interview with Collider, Headland addresses that: it'll be a series. Not a long movie that you need to watch across four weeks.
Thank God. You have no idea how much that comforts me. Finally a showrunner who's, y'know, actually running a show.
And this goes hand in hand with what she told IGN, here, about how she's going about building suspense.
Yes! Exactly! That's how it's supposed to be!
Like, compare this to Baylan Skoll's storyline in Ahsoka.
In no possible way was that emotionally-fulfilling. For 8 episodes we had no idea what he was after, and the season ended where we still don't know. What does he want? What is he after? Your guess is as good as mine, it's something Mortis-related.
So yeah. Maybe getting the Emmy-nominated trained screenwriter on board to run this was a good idea.
2. Maybe the Jedi will not be as demonized as I originally thought.
Don't get me wrong. 80% of what she says about the Jedi makes me cringe. It's the typical fan's interpretation and y'all know I disagree with that interpretation.
It's painful to see her refer to the Jedi as an institution (not how the Prequels' narrative frames them) and to see her frame "Balance" in the "oh there's so many of them and just two Sith, that means the Force is out of balance" meaning... but at least she acknowledges the Jedi are a benevolent institution.
They're not an "elitist force hiding in their ivory tower" as others have described the Jedi.
Moreover, there'll be a variety of Jedi POVs, many personalities.
Yord Fandar, is described as a strictly by-the-book Jedi Knight and guardian from the Jedi Temple, is an overachiever and a rule follower.
The question now becomes: will the narrative frame him as "your typical Jedi" or is it just this one guy? I'm hoping it's the latter.
I also like how her reasoning goes re: Jedi drawing their lightsabers.
Which explains the hand-to-hand combat seen in the trailer.
This teenager is coming at Carrie-Ann Moss with a dagger, of course the Jedi won't draw her saber.
3. She's a fan of Star Wars... but a screenwriter first.
You can tell in the interviews she's a fan. She's using words like "BBY" and "EU" casually. In the above-linked interviews she's bringing up the Nightsisters, Timothy Zahn, The Clone Wars, she mentions she has a tattoo of Ralph McQuarrie's concept art of Leia, the High Republic books, etc.
She's done her homework. She's a fan.
But the vibe I'm getting from these interviews is that she's weaving in these various lore-elements in a more organic way, rather than in the "fan-servicey" way Dave Filoni has been doing in his shows.
The references and Easter Eggs will be there, but the narrative won't bend over itself just so you can get it. Crafting a good story comes first, and Andor is a beautiful illustration of why this is true.
Which is why I was never bothered about one of the writers never having watched Star Wars before getting the job. You need those fresh eyes when you're tackling something of this scale.
That makes sense to me. Maybe it's because of my own screenwriting experience, but yeah. That out-of-the box perspective is precious.
And like, obviously, that writer watched the films eventually, but for some reason everyone who bitched about Headland omitted that detail and opted for a more bad faith interpretation.
Hm. Wonder why.
Maybe it's the same reason that months ago this clipped audio circulated socials without context, in which she debates whether Star Wars only came from George Lucas and only Lucas is the key.
The FULL context of that interview reveals that she's actually:
debating the "autheur director" myth and positing that it was achieved by a collective of excellent filmmakers and craftspeople that George was skilled and smart enough to recruit...
the studios now think it's a simple as hiring one guy and throwing money at him, because they have no idea what the fuck they're talking about. See Napoleon (2023) for example.
Yes, she also does a jab to the Prequels, which speaks to the generation of fans she's a part of... but overall she's giving Lucas props whilst also stating an ideological difference, that's it!
George is a proponent of the "autheur" theory, Leslye isn't.
However, guess what, in like half the talks George gave post-selling Star Wars? He's giving shoutouts to everyone who helped make the first film, even remembering their names.
So I'm not even sure he'd vehemently disagree with Leslye, in fact they'd prolly have a conversation about it and immediately bitch about how stupid studio executives are :D
But that's not as incendiary, is it? Again, the more I do the research, the more it feels like the reason most of these influencers are hating on her is purely sexist.
I mean, on IGN she's even acknowledging that she does plan on taking stock of fan reactions for Season 2.
It's not a guarantee that she'll incorporate the feedback, but at least that's more consideration than, say, JJ Abrams or Rian Johnson gave the fandom.
She's even bringing the moral ambiguity that the Gray Jedi-loving edge-lords love so much.
"No, she's a woke feminist! Anything she does is evil! Eww, girls!"
🙄
Needless to say... I'm gonna give it a shot.
I think it's gonna be a good show, I think it's gonna be a solid story.
I'm crossing my fingers that they won't as biased against the Jedi as it seems they'll be. Even if they are... if it's still an enjoyable experience, I'll gloss over it.
As @gffa states in this post:
Worst case? It's not a story from George. I can dismiss it from my headcanon without a moment's hesitation :D
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a non-comprehensive but pretty long list of specific things about the baby is you that i think are good or make it good art in some way
The specificity of “what the fuck are you doing on the ground writhing in pain”. I feel like a more normal thing to say would be something like “Are you okay???” It’s very This Gun That I Have In My Right Hand Is Loaded
The layered voices when dave denies being pregnant
The fact that john’s immediate next question after “who’s the father?’ is “who’s the baby?” as if that’s in any way a question that makes sense
Woooooo….. police sirens police sirens…… wooooooo……
John meowing fully unprompted
The extremely Homestuck-specific euphemisms throughout
“I’m not even born yet, that’s not fair!”
Karkat showing up out of absolutely nowhere
Karkat voice “I must be the…. mmmmmidwife.”
Karkat immediately interrupting the unfolding baby situation to sing a little song about his hatecrush on john
Rose’s VA’s ooc lines just kind of thrown in there at what initially seems like random but if you pay attention it makes a certain kind of rhythmic sense
The reveal that rose is pregnant being followed by a betrayed “Rose!” said by both dave and rose
“Suck that bitch’s dick!” “I’m going to—That’s not what I’m doing! That’s the opposite of what I’m doing!”
Hearts. And minds. And souls. And hearts.
The genuinely catchy sung section of the rose rap
The slant rhyme of serengeti with spaghetti
Dave basically turning to the camera to say “incest is bad” before immediately proposing to his sister
The pathos of rose’s confession that she lied about being pregnant, followed by dave’s extremely flat, emotionless reassurance
“Being pregnant might be against the rules of the MSPA forum but shipping us together is not, for some reason”
Bro showing up to provide a new conflict now that all the rose stuff is resolved
The conflict being specifically that he wants to eat babies
“He’s never tried to eat my babies before” implying that there were previous babies
Bro’s forbidden technique being just “words that rhyme with themselves” and then him almost instantly fucking it up
“Actually, a fight sequence was entirely unnecessary, so it was deleted, and what happens is that in the end, it turns out Bro was a robot, I mean… it was just complex, given the fact that this is a normally simple story about, you know, like a thirteen year old boy giving birth to his bre—best friend. It didn’t fit the archetypes, so I’m going to move on to the next song, and you can just… chillax a little bit.”
KC Green (the guy who made This Is Fine and I Guess and a bunch of other well-known images used as memes) being there completely unexplained to lead a sing-along. Like it makes sense historically but in the album itself it just kinda happens
Andrew hussie being directly addressed by name just to really drill in the fact that this is pointed commentary
The very confident implication that babies are a different species entirely
compiled because @420technoblazeit doesn't know how to appreciate this masterpiece
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As someone else who's in the process of burning out just surviving, and has lost sight of why I enjoyed art in the first place, would you be willing to share some of the things you've tried to get back on your feet? Super glad that you're doing so much better, btw.
First: It's actually become a job for me to help artists reconnect to their art through my mentorship workshop with everything I have learned, and I consider myself very good at it. I've been doing it for about 4 years now. If you or any other artist would like direct help with recovering from burn out please check out the service page of my website and testimonials from previous clients.
To answer your question:
A lot of my own personal stabilization just came as a result of wanting the experience of making art to be comfortable. It wasn't a choice anymore. After my father passed I relaxed for about 3 months -- longest I went without drawing in my life since I started freelancing -- and when I sat back at my desk I just couldn't make myself work under the same pressure. I'd try to force myself to draw and it made me want to cry instead. I quickly learned I could only create if I felt comfortable and drawing felt gentle, so I had to accept moving forward if I wanted to continue being as productive as before I needed to find a way of working that eliminated stress or using will power, which means working in a way that was renovated from the ground up. I couldn't go back. How I was making art was over. I needed it to be repaired. I had no idea what that looked like, so it was truly trial and error.
A fact about me is I have a very high sensory/pain threshold naturally (I also recently learned I was autistic over the pandemic, imagine that has something to do with it) so I've always been historically bad at ignoring my physical limitations because I rarely felt them unless my body broke down on me, and when it did I treated myself with annoyance and forced myself to work through it. I'm talking like no sleeping for 3-4 days straight, or coming home after a kidney stone to finish a comic page still shaky on pain and morphine and then feeling bad at myself for being lazy. To say my old work habits were highly self abusive is an understatement. So when I started addressing everything that was an inconvenience and uncomfortable, it ended up correcting everything I was ignoring or failed to consider a problem until it was past due.
To cut a long story short, a list of material changes to my life that improved my health:
I got medicated, finally. I'm extremely bipolar. Always have been. Drawing between periods of oscillating between feeling divinely invincible vs ideating suicide every waking moment vastly became easier to manage.
I got glasses. I'm farsighted, but it was never a problem for me since I could see fine -- ooor so I thought. Turns out when you're farsighted you're focusing constantly without even realizing it. Turns out getting glasses gave me 80% of my mental space back so I suddenly had more energy, generally more awake, and more focused. No one talks about farsightedness so I had absolutely no idea I was burning myself out physically just being able to see. Worth mentioning!
Started seeing a massage therapist and a chiropractor regularly. I always thought of those things as luxuries, not necessities. Which was extremely stupid. Maintaining my physical body through directly working out kinks in it became something like brushing my teeth or showering -- it's just something you do to make sure health and hygiene isn't making you dysfunctional and rotting you. My body no longer breaks down.
For the same reasons as above, maintained seeing my therapist regularly even if I felt fine or had no issues to work out. I realized I was always quick to end support as soon as I felt I didn't need it anymore (again treating it as a luxury) so making the space in my life for mental/emotional check ins kept my head organized. My therapist is bewildered by me and has no idea what to do with me because she feels she's not doing anything. I just tell her by me making the space for me to explain myself at all, even if all I was doing was describing how I was fine, was the help. She's great.
Got a cappuccino machine. May seem stupid but being able to make gourmet coffees from my kitchen every morning really genuinely improved my life and mind more than getting medicated.
Got a dog. He's amazing. I love him. Very warm and loving companion, and such a gentle soul. He keeps me out of my head and gets me prioritizing walks every day, so my vitamin D intake increased massively. I don't have the luxury of staying in bed for 3 days straight in my depressive episodes anymore. I have to make the effort to leave it at least twice a day to walk and feed him and play with him. Like most people, I'm terrible at prioritizing for myself but will move worlds for those I love no matter where I'm at.
For personal habits I just reflected a lot on why I felt I had to will myself to draw when drawing is something I love doing most. It made no sense to resent doing what you devote yourself to doing. I changed -- and still changing -- my mental framing in how I think of working on art for it to be something I'm eager to do, not obligated to.
Hope this was educational.
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i’ve been sitting on my thoughts for so long but i just have to get this off my chest. i don’t like to yuck ppls yum so if you like e/riel pls scroll away nd keep having your fun it’s not my problem. however some of y’all can get mean as HELL and as an elucien i have to get this off my chest. (also warning for gwynriels i’m with y’all i defend y’all here however i do go in a bit on az in this so fair warning). i truly have no idea why e/riels cling so hard to the azriel bonus chapter in acosf because that chapter, more than literally anything else in the series, proved to me that e/riel is absolutely NOT going to be endgame. let me explain:
1. it is explicitly stated that azriel did not think of his relationship with elain outside of a sexual nature. i think some ppl get kinda annoyingly puritanical when trying to make this point when it’s like 100% certain lucien had sexual thoughts of elain too. the point isn’t the thoughts themselves. the difference here is the explicit mention that he didn’t consider anything with her outside of that.
2. the point above ^ is further exacerbated by the fact that az did not give a flying fuck if he killed elain’s MATE. even if elain hasn’t accepted the bond, it would still be extremely painful for her based on what we’ve seen with rhys, feyre, and even rhys’s parents (who weren’t good for each other, yet we saw how rhys’s dad lost it when she died). now of course us lucien lovers know damn well he would never in a million years call a blood duel to try to claim elain (and fuck u rhys for saying that, i usually have your back but come ON you are not the only male who can respect their mate’s autonomy). but az doesn’t know that!? in fact seems to agree with rhys that he could. ppl argue on who would win that fight — my opinion hinges 100% on if powers are fully unleashed but that’s not the point at all. no matter WHO wins, elain is going to feel responsible for someone’s death. of course it wouldn’t be her fault if men decided to be fucking stupid, but with the little we know about elain shows that she would feel so guilty if that happened. but azriel doesn’t seem to give af that anyone fighting to the death over her is the last thing she would ever want. not only did az not think of elain outside his fantasies and therefore not fully care for her, but he doesn’t seem to even KNOW elain in this chapter. now, i could go in on this in acosf as a whole. but i’m keeping it to this chapter alone.
3. and further on THAT point, az doesn’t really give any reasoning on his interest in elain outside of this insane “three brothers/three sisters” thing he fully pulled out of his ass. tbh i almost thing this is sjm’s way of addressing the fan theories on that. now i get it to some extent from az’s pov — seeing his brothers happy with these sisters must fuck with your head after you’d all been bachelors together for 500 years. especially considering how he’s felt unworthy of love his whole life and this seems to support that insecurity of his. i get that it makes him feel ostracized from them, and that he’s now an outlier not being with an archeron. i get that. i do. i sympathize with him here. however that does not change the fact that he isn’t speaking of elain like she’s her own individual here — hell he fully calls her “the other”. i think part of this conversation was him being frazzled, i give him a bit more grace than some do (tho he pissed me off BAD in this scene), but we were fully in this man’s head. did he give us a full reason why he liked elain besides his brother’s mates and his sexual thoughts?? they would’ve at least crossed his mind when rhys was grilling them if sjm was trying to set up her next romance here. as it is, we have literally nothing to imply azriel actually likes elain herself and not the idea of being closer with his brothers.
4. az has kinda a habit of ignoring the reality of the women he’s attracted to in some way. he has his own version of them in his head that he puts on a pedestal. now i could do a whole psych eval on this man and how he thinks he’s unworthy of love and therefore only allows himself to have feelings for women he knows/thinks he can’t have. but to focus on this chapter alone, my points above ^ about how he doesn’t really think of elain outside his fantasies/bringing him closer to his brothers and not really understanding her pretty much wraps it up there. i mean he even talks about how he thinks his scarred hands don’t belong on her because she’s so perfect in his eyes. that’s not love, that’s obsession and it’s unhealthy. he clearly thinks himself below elain and ignores that she has her own flaws too.
5. aaaand i saved the biggest for (almost) last….. GWYN. this is a genuine GENUINE question. why in the fucking hell. would sjm make half the chapter focusing on az & gwyn if she was teasing e/riel. like that makes no sense. not to be annoying and mention chekhov's gun but that idea applies to relationships too. i’m sorry but she couldn’t be more explicit about her future romances. you could argue “oh well it’s because there’s gonna be a love triangle”. y’all. elain has. elain has a mate. there already IS a love triangle. there was absolutely no reason for her to bring gwyn into this chapter other than her preparing us for a future relationship, literally none. especially with all the romantic subtext (hell not even subtext, just TEXT). gwyn getting him to talk about himself so easily when he’s so quiet usually, him taking the idea of making her happy and he “buried the image down deep, where it GLOWED QUIETLY” (which SCREAMS mating bond to me but even if it’s not it’s clearly something he cherishes deeply), the SHADOWSINGERS SHADOWS SANG FOR HER!?
6. the fucking necklace regifting. oh it’s bad. OHHH ITS BAD. when the girls realize it’s gonna be SO messy but im hoping sjm doesn’t go the stupid cat fight route bc neither of them did anything wrong. az did. i’m sorry i’m dunking on him so much in this post i rlly don’t hate him i just think he needs like decades of therapy (which tbf don’t we all) which i unfortunately don’t think sjm is going to give him before giving him his romance. but even the biggest azriel lovers have to admit that this was insanity. a few points on it here. first, if it’s so easily regiftable then it couldn’t have been that well thought out in regards to elain. say what you will about lucien’s gifts, even argue that he gave her jewelry too. but elain was actually shown wearing pearls. az’s gift seemed shallow to me — it was something pretty, and elain’s pretty, and it had a flower, and elain gardens. it’s clear lucien put SO much more thought into his gifts, whether he succeeded or not (which i need to remind y’all — we still don’t know. maybe she liked the gifts maybe she didn’t, but regardless she acted the way she did bc of her feelings about the bond, not the gift). and azriel has spent so much more time with elain than lucien has. if that necklace really felt like elain to him, he could’ve kept it or returned it. but nope. buddy gave it to a whole other girl bc he could easily associate it with someone else. he clearly felt some special pull towards gwyn too, going out of his way to give it to her. he had ONE meaningful conversation with her. i already discussed the quote earlier that makes me think mating bond personally. but no matter what, him giving her the same gift he gave someone he was pursuing romantically is a clear sign of what’s to come (and probably a setup for some sort of drama that i don’t think im mentally ready for).
so there we have it! why i think that the bonus chapter thoroughly proves that e/riel is not going to be endgame. i honestly think it’s possible they might be a thing for a minute (tho i could also see this being the closing of that chapter), but i don’t think it’s going to last. sjm just gave us too many blatant hints that elain and az would NOT work together long term, and that azriel in particular is more suited for someone else. i might’ve missed some points bc there is SO much that goes down in this tiny chapter so lmk if there’s other stuff you picked up on!
#elucien#gwynriel#acotar#acosf#acosf bonus chapter#elain archeron#pro elucien#pro gwynriel#gwyneth berdara#azriel#anti e/riel#lucien vanserra#elain x lucien#gwyn x azriel
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Doflamingo, Love, and Arrested Development
This is mostly just me paraphrasing other Doffy metas and comments I've made but I kinda feel like the real tragedy behind Doflamingo's warped psychology kind of gets missed by people who focus more on his trauma in and of itself and get lost in discourses about having sympathy for characters despite their complete lack of morality and disregard for everyone (perfectly possible), or whether Doflamingo has any redeeming characteristics or genuine concern for anyone or anything outside of himself (he doesn't).
Doffy's story is fundamentally a tragedy, but not because of his childhood traumas or how drastic and painful they are; plenty of One Piece characters experience severe abuses or incomprehensible loss, but they're ultimately stories of how to find hope in the face of the incomprehensibly traumatic, or the salvation/redemptive power of love. Even characters who don't necessarily see their goals fulfilled (see Fisher Tiger, Pedro, Ashura Doji, EGGHEAD SPOILERS etc) aren't fundamentally tragic ones in the way that, say, Ace is, in that they die having fulfilled their goals to the best of their ability and knowing that people will carry on where they left off, even if they don't get to see the liberation they hoped for. Rosinante's story isn't a tragedy because he dies satisfied that he's given hope to someone he loves deeply (and to some extent tried to make amends for some of the guilt he clearly feels for participating in an institution that ruined that child's life).
Doffy, on the other hand, is a never-ending downward spiral from day 1. He was indoctrinated by evil people from birth and never has it addressed (his parents, for all their talk about living more simply than the Celestial Dragons, NEVER actually say "slavery is bad" to Doffy when he asks them why they don't own people any more and I have my own theory on why), who then suffers unbelievable trauma and has his sense of loss–both of his "birthright" and his innocence/ childhood–weaponized for evil. And he spends the rest of his life in this semi-permanent state of arrested development and violent entitlement. He can't have the station and privilege of the Celestial Dragons to... own slaves and live in luxury, so he builds a kingdom where HE reigns supreme and everyone who crosses him is killed or enslaved as a toy. His mother dies and he kills his father, so he assembles a cult-like "family" to try and compensate for the one he's lost/destroyed, but he doesn't and likely doesn't know how to love them in any meaningful way beyond being possessive of them and seeing them as extensions of himself (e.g. he's willing to kill anyone who makes fun of Pica because no one's allowed to antagonize his "family", but he also orders Monet to do a suicide bombing in Punk Hazard, and he's willing to sacrifice one of them for the eternal life surgery, etc). I think that might be why, even though he should know Corazon has every reason to hate and fear him, he's still so eager to take his brother in when they reunite as adults–he shouldn't trust him, and he eventually comes to suspect him of treason, but he's desperate to have a family and Corazon is emblematic of something he wants but can never have because he's a cruel stunted person who knows nothing but entitlement and violence and cannot process the idea that anything has value or merits selflessness and sacrifice.
Everything Doflamingo does is defined by trying to replace or compensate for the family and privilege he was "supposed" to have, but he doesn't love anyone or even understand how real love works because he's been taught to have no regard for human life and all he knows is that love = absolute servitude, that his interests are ultimately more important than the wellbeing of his "family" members, and that betrayal means death. And far be it from me to sympathize with a fallen aristocrat's deranged revenge power fantasies, but it does demonstrate how oppressive institutions inevitably deprive their own beneficiaries of some of their humanity, and consequently fuck them for life. Doffy craves genuine affection and has had his capacity for it permanently stunted by his former class station and indoctrination.
This craving for love combined with an inability to actually feel it in any meaningful way factors into why he's so obsessed with Law, who he kept hardcore projecting onto in the flashbacks and who he expected to turn out just like him. His brother chose Law over Doflamingo and even his undercover mission out of love, and for all his traumas and hangups, Law can find his own crew and friends who he cares about, and he's able to live on and find meaning even after losing EVERYTHING because Corazon genuinely loved him enough to die protecting him. Doffy, on the other hand, is doomed to a loveless, misanthropic, cruel existence where he tortures countless people to compensate, but he can't replace what he's lost and he'll never find it. It's not what Corazon would have wanted, but Law fighting for and honouring Corazon's memory in everything he does enrages Doffy, who will never be able to understand why they cared for each other so deeply, and why both of them are integral to his downfall.
#one piece#trafalgar law#straw hat pirates#donquixote doflamingo#donquixote rosinante#corazon#one piece meta#dressrossa
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I get sad thinking about how during ichigo and grimmjows fight in hm. Particularly the moment when he see sees orihime's terrified reaction to his mask. I think he considered her previous trauma with acid wire ofc, but how must he have felt when orihime looked at him like that? She was the girl who managed to make friends with everyone and empathized so deeply with even her enemies, let alone her closer friends. And she was looking at him, completely frozen with fear, and he hated being the source of it. It just makes my feelers hurt so bad for some reason :(
i think the great thing about this fight is that it lets you empathize with both ichigo and orihime without diminishing either of their feelings, which is just. good writing. i'd go so far as to say this fight is also superb because of how it manages to address many overarching themes at once: a) ichigo's human-hollow struggle that keeps rearing its head every now and then b) orihime's complicated relationship with violence c) grimmjow's twisted desire to feel validated by ichigo, who he sees as his own mirror d) ichigo & orihime's long-term struggle to cross the chasm that separates them and meet in the middle.
a lot of people focus on orihime's fear here, but the truth is, ichigo himself was afraid of his hollow and was NOT confident about his ability to control it. when he tells orihime not to be afraid without his mask on, he looks at her and smiles. with the mask, he doesn't even make eye contact. when he accidentally does make eye contact later on in the fight, it crushes him, and the beauty of this fight is that it's all carried out through body language. his heart sinks, and so does yours, if you're invested in the fight. ichigo's entire arc so far has been about mastering this side of himself that he's desperately afraid of losing to, and now the person he's protecting is afraid of him, too. he begins doubting himself: what if grimmjow is right? what if he really did just come here to fight?
if you look at orihime's side of things, she's not wrong either. orihime's entire arc was about self-doubt at this time. she was never really sure of her worth to others, so how could she be sure that ichigo, who's reiatsu is rougher and darker than usual (just like her dead brother) was fighting for her? she does eventually realize her effect on him with a little help from nel. but in the end, nel's testimony doesn't matter much either because orihime realizes she would love ichigo even if he wasn't fighting for her. she just doesn't want him to get hurt.
lucky for us, grimmjow isn't right and it's obvious that ichigo did indeed come to fight him—if only to protect everyone and take orihime back home. fighting is ichigo's means to an end. his reaction to orihime is our indicator of that. the great thing about this fight is what it tells us—that if ichigo was this affected by orihime's face, then it means he truly didn't come here just to fight. that nel's cheers did nothing to grab ichigo's attention, but orihime's first broken whisper did. that having orihime nearby reminds him of what he's fighting for, which is something that literally saves his human life when he's in vasto lorde form. he left his heart with her, just as she did with him before she left. if we began this journey with rangiku saying ichigo needs orihime, this arc shows us how. this fight shows us how. yes, orihime's fear caused him some pain, but none of us can deny how cocky he got when she cheered for him, either, so it goes both ways :D
#i loved this volume very much & now that we have lust & horn of salvation their arc is complete :))))#each ichihime moment has got to be seen as a conversation with other ichihime moments#and that's when you realize how nicely their romantic subplot has been fleshed out over arcs#personal biases aside i dont really understand calling IH rushed when they're the one part of the story that WASN'T rushed#every arc gave them a new status quo to navigate and among all the canon married couples#they're the one we spent the longest time with - even compared to ren&rukia#like sorry for waxing poetic about it i'm sure everyone feels this way about their favorite ships but i loooove IH <3 they're so good#asks#ichihime
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Meaningless Suffering ≠ Consequences: An SPOP Rant Analysis
so one huge argument i've seen from SPOP fans, when it comes to Catra's redemption is that “she got tortured and mind controlled by Horde Prime. she almost died at his hands. therefore, she faced the consequences of her actions.”
now.. could this be considered a consequence of her actions? the important question here is: why did Catra get punished by Prime? for going against his rules and freeing Glimmer. she got punished for doing one good thing. this was the consequence of her doing something right. if anything, she would be more discouraged to do good in the future, because the first time she does something good, she almost gets murdered for it.
but i digress. i've seen this trope be used with quite a few characters in media. the other example of this i want to talk about is Marcy from Amphibia. (spoilers for Amphibia below)
in the s2 finale, Marcy is revealed to have stranded her friends Anne and Sasha on Amphibia on purpose, because she didn't want to be alone. while this wasn't as bad as any of the shit that Catra pulled, it was still a fucked up thing to do. Marcy deliberately took Anne and Sasha away from their home and their parents, for her own selfish reasons.
like Catra, Marcy also has abandonment issues. her parents had informed her that they had to move and Marcy was terrified at the idea of having to leave Anne and Sasha behind. but that was still not an excuse for what she did.
not long after her secret was exposed, Marcy gets stabbed by King Andrias while trying to escape Amphibia. she doesn't die, of course, it's still a kid's show.
but to make things worse, she gets possessed by the Core later on, which is shown to be an extremely painful and traumatizing process (which they barely touch upon later). and then they show in a flashback that Anne and Sasha used to ignore Marcy and make her feel lonely, when this was not touched upon earlier in the series. in fact, Anne was shown to be very caring and attentive to Marcy up until this episode.
at this point, it's clear that the writers are trying to make the viewers feel sorry for Marcy. if they keep adding reasons why she's so miserable and traumatized, maybe the viewers would forget what she did to Anne and Sasha. right?
there is a small scene in s3 where Sasha questions why she should forgive Marcy, but it is quickly fixed by Anne telling Sasha that she should forgive Marcy. there's also a moment of realization for Marcy but even that is done in such a cliché and lighthearted manner, where the severity of her actions aren't addressed. and that's it. Marcy is rescued, she apologizes, and is immediately forgiven.
but then again, like SPOP, the last season of Amphibia was trashfire. i refuse to believe that people genuinely liked that season, it was so badly written and ruined everything that was set up prior to it.
anyway, let's come back to SPOP. it's clear that the writers of SPOP were also trying to do the same thing. put poor catgirl through the wringer, have her almost die and come back to life and voila! she is absolved of all her crimes.
for those of you who are still not convinced, let me try to make a real world comparison. let's just say i'm someone who bullies or abuses people. one day while getting home from school/work, i get hit by a car. i get grievously injured and go through a lot of pain. heck, maybe it even leaves some kind of permanent disability or injury.
is that a punishment for my actions? you can call it karma, but let's be real, karma doesn't exist. it's just a coincidence. and you bet i'm not going to wake up in the hospital thinking “this must be my punishment for abusing people”. if i really am an abuser who has no remorse for my actions, a random accident isn't going to change my mind.
and that's what happened with Catra too. she didn't consider Horde Prime's torture as a consequence of her actions. if anything, she used that as an excuse to mistreat Adora and the others even more. it's clear that she pitied herself for what happened. and everyone else pitied her, including the audience.
imagine if the good redemption arcs were written this way. imagine if, instead of working through his issues and facing actual consequences of his actions, Zuko was just tortured and traumatized even more by Ozai, and the Gaang just forgave him because they felt bad for him. yeah, people wouldn't be praising his arc anymore. or they would, who knows. i know i wouldn't be praising his arc.
because this is not the way to redeem a villain. the only way to redeem a villain is to have them face consequences of their actions and work for forgiveness. to show them consistently trying to make up for what they did and trying to be a better person, not because they want to be forgiven or accepted by the heroes, but because it's the right thing to do.
#spop critical#spop salt#spop criticism#spop discourse#spop#she ra#anti catra#anti catradora#anti spop#anti c//a#antic//a#anticatra#anticatradora#anti amphibia#amphibia critical#amphibia salt#amphibia criticism#amphibia discourse#amphibia#long post#tw abuse#tw death
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One thing that still gets my blood boiling is some people telling the traumatised students to just 'get over it', leave their abusers, or to hurt/kill their tormentors as if it's a walk in the park. Um, hello? That's not how trauma works.
Yeeeah, I find that kinda iffy as well 😬 I don’t feel that it’s quite “right” (for lack of a better term) to judge/compare people’s (/character’s) pain resulting from trauma, or to tell them how they should “fix” said trauma or whatever bad situation they may be in.
**Please note: the rest of this discussion will include mentions of victim blaming and gaslighting; please proceed with caution.***
The problem with doing any of that (even if it is done out of concern or a desire to help people) is that it comes off as like… belittling the victim or downplaying the problem at times?? Like, if you compare traumatic experiences, it can imply that one is “lesser than” or isn’t as serious as the other when the circumstances are just as serious to each victim. (I see this happen most commonly with Vil and Azul; they both experienced bullying in their youth, but for whatever reason people tend to think Vil somehow had it "easy" compared to Azul.) That’s so disheartening and invalidating for any victim to hear. It makes them feel isolated and alone, because the people around them are implying their circumstances aren’t that bad. In reality, it’s not up to onlookers to decide how distressing or disturbing an experience is to someone else.
Telling them what to do is just as unhelpful because it takes away the autonomy of the victim, and the advice given is often unrealistic and unable to actually be carried out. (As another example, the advice I see most often is "Jamil should have just told Kalim he was unhappy with his position and Kalim would have helped him; rarely do fans consider that the Viper family's livelihood would be in jeopardy and Jamil would live in perpetual shame and guilt if he dared to speak out.) How can Jamil and Leona just “get over” a whole life of being put down? How can Riddle just walk out on his mother when he doesn’t have any means to support himself and struggles to even talk back to her? How can it be said that Vil has it better than Azul when both of them were clearly hurt by the bullying they received as children? How can one rush Idia’s grieving process or Malleus’s struggle to accept change and mortality? And if any of them are encouraged to act out in violence, what are the repercussions of that?
We oftentimes forget that, despite Twisted Wonderland taking place in a world with nonsensical elements like magic, the way it chooses to address problems is actually very much grounded in reality. For example, the end of every main story episode isn't really "the end" or a "resolution". Those terms imply that the problem is over when the episode is when it's really not. We proceed in the story with an awareness that the characters we saw last time are still struggling with the trauma they had before. They aren't "fixed" just because they were given good advice or they were beaten in battle until they came to their senses. Their problems didn't magically poof away, the victims are still working on overcoming their horrific experiences and not letting it have power over them. This is a very realistic depiction of trauma and how victims live and have to cope with it in their everyday lives.
A lot of the things the OB boys experiences are things that people irl have as well. This is, in part, what makes them such memorable and relatable characters, and why people may look to them for comfort or to help cope with their own trauma--so they don't feel alone. At the same time, it is because of this closeness and relatability that it can be hurtful when others make comments that talk down to the OB boys and their trauma. It's not always discussed in a mindful manner. Sometimes it's spoken about in a way that sounds like victim-blaming or gaslighting. It's almost as if to imply, "look, it's actually SO easy to fix your problem, so the fact that it has gone on for as long as it has is actually your fault", or, “you're in a much better situation than Person B is, so be grateful!” Unfortunately, it's reflective of behavior demonstrated in real life, with people either doubting or not believing victims,or acting like they know better than the person who has actually gone through something traumatic.
Whether you find yourself relating to the OB boys or not... Whether you have experienced something you deem traumatic for yourself or not... I think it would be nice if we were just a bit more respectful when it comes to talking about these matters 🥲 It shouldn't be a competition where we're sitting around ranking whose trauma is "the worst" (I have literally been sent an ask like this before and it made me extremely uncomfortable💦) or giving unsolicited, unrealistic advice the characters couldn't actually take. We can realize how damaging their individual experiences have been for them and wish them all the best without putting down others' experiences or talking down to them in the process.
#twst#twisted wonderland#Leona Kingscholar#Azul Ashengrotto#Malleus Draconia#Idia Shroud#Riddle Rosehearts#Jamil Viper#Vil Schoenheit#disney twisted wonderland#notes from the writing raven#tw // gaslighting#tw // victim blaming#advice#Kalim Al-Asim#Scarabia
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As someone who’s experienced and gotten mental trauma from being verbally bullied and/or verbally peer abused in my life-
I honestly dislike how bullying and/or peer abuse is handled in Warrior Cats.
I’ll list some examples here. Please note though that some bits of the series that I mention here I have NOT completely finished reading and/or fully remember, with those parts being filled in from the fandom and/or wiki, so I apologize if I mention any information here in a incorrect and/or wrong way.
Example One: Tallstar’s Revenge
Shrewpaw taunts Tallpaw and calls him “Wormpaw” in order to take fun of Tallpaw’s heritage of his parents being tunnelers. He also unsheathed his claws once while training with Tallpaw as well.
And after Sandgorse - Tallpaw’s father - dies, and tries to go into the tunnels due to the fact that Tallpaw’s father was $h!tty towards him because Tallpaw’s training to be in a Moor runner instead of a tunneler-
Shrewpaw literally says to Tallpaw - a grieving, mentally unwell cat - that literally no one would love or miss him if he died or was gone.
Like- I know that Shrewpaw was also grieving his mother, and probably blamed Tallpaw for death, but’s that’s NO excuse for him to say that to Tallpaw, especially since Shrewpaw himself know the crushing grief and anger of losing a parent.
Your grief does NOT excuse your shitty actions and/or willingly stating bad and harmful $h!t towards others.
But for some reason, instead of the narrative of the book as something not excusable and/or at least putting weight on it to the point that Shrewpaw acknowledges how bad he was to Tallpaw and gradually work his way into being a better person (towards Tallpaw)-
The book instead makes him somewhat like “What? Huh?? I was only teasing you. I didn’t know you were hurt by my bad treatment towards you! :(”
And the book just went along with it and Talltail just believed that awful excuse and just forgave him for that? For some reason??
Example Two: Fire and Ice, and Into the Wild
Sandpaw was a rude bully to Firepaw, insulting and talking badly about him and being xenophobic towards him.
That is until after Fireheart saves her life within Fire and Ice, and Sandstorm grows as a character and treats him nicely after that traumatic and/or mind-changing event occurred.
And it, indeed, does make sense for her character, since she probably internalized and believed the xenophobia within the clans and her viewing Fireheart in a different light after literally saving her life (despite how $h!tty she was him), so her changing her behavior towards him does make sense, and I like that she grew as a person and/or character from that experience.
However, despite this, it does NOT excuse her behavior towards Fireheart when he was a apprentice, and please correct me if I’m wrong about this, but despite how bad she treated Fireheart in the past, he just…forgives her quite quickly and calmly within Fire and Ice after she treats him kindly?
Because I would honestly like it if Fireheart was still quite at least still a bit bitter towards the Sandstorm past treatment towards him, to the point that has to process his disliking of her and/or Sandstorm gradually proves that she’s a better person towards him before they’re chill hanging out with each other.
Example Three: Leopardstar’s Honor
And the fact that Leopardpaw literally gained TRAUMA from Skypaw nearly DROWNING her, to the point that Leopardpaw couldn’t even SWIM in the WATER without being reminded of the fear and pain she felt (possibly nearing drowning) when Skypaw suddenly pushed her head underwater.
And instead of Leopardpaw feeling connected to her mentor to the point that she reveals this traumatic event that occurred and was caused by Skypaw with Skypaw being rightfully punished and/or condoned for it, and her mentor and Sunpaw helping Leopardpaw learn to process and/or overcome that trauma that Skypaw gave her-
Skypaw NEVER gets punished or at least properly addressed for what she did to Leopardpaw, and her mentor - or at least her friend - does NOT learn about what happened to Leopardpaw, resulting in them to believe that she has a average cat dislike for water instead of a fear of water from a TRAUMATIC EVENT that occurred to Leopardpaw.
And while yes, while I suppose there’s a chance that this is probably something that’s a more realistic and/or capable thing to occur within real life-
The fact that this trauma that Skypaw caused Leopardpaw to have wasn’t properly addressed and/or dealt with in a way that honestly doesn’t feel good written honestly…quite irks me a bit.
Of course, I’m NOT surprised that the Erins weren’t able to treat this subject good and/or with proper care (and probably with the most of the serious subjects that they put into their writing)-
I still honestly can’t help but feel quite irritated and/or upset about it, especially when such a sensitive and/or serious subject (that’s already undermined and improperly addressed as h*ll) within a book series whose readers are or at least includes literal CHILDREN isn’t properly treated and/or presented that good (or even decent.)
Please note once again that my knowledge of these parts within the series may not be complete and/or as accurate as they should be, so if I stated or mentioned anything wrong and/or incorrect correct here.
I’m so sorry if I didn’t properly word and write anything well within this confession either, I’m wrote this with zero sleep yet at around 2:15 am - 3:00 am. I’m also sorry if I overreacted to some of the information within this confession as well.
Thank you for reading this rant, and I hope that you have a good day and/or night today.
.
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Flame and Water, Chapter 11
Ship & Trope: Kyojuro x Fem!Reader (Water Pillars Tsuguko) / Slowburn
Warnings: canon-typical violence
Word Count: 1871 Words
pinterest board of Flame and Water
crossposted on AO3
Masterlist of Flame and Water
Kyojuro didn't know how to act towards you for several reasons after that one specific evening when he was struck, or more like you had set his heart ablaze, with love. It was impossible for him to see you in any other light and yet he tried his best to appear as he always had. It just backfired. He was either too loud or too quiet. Both of his behaviors made you raise your eyebrows in surprise, and the only thing he could do in that moment was to turn his face away as it was reddening under your attentive eyes. And these eyes of yours were so beautiful even if he felt caught by you. As if you were able to look into the depth of his soul.
But that wasn't the only thing that troubled him. He remembered your terrified face during your first meeting and the image still haunted him. Even if you had explained that he wasn't really the cause of it but his father was, it didn't really make it better. He was a Rengoku and proud of it. That meant he also looked like a Rengoku, like his father and their ancestors before and so would his descendants. The last thing he wanted was that his appearance might scare you or bring you bad memories. Or anything negative. He wanted to be with you, bring you joy and see this beautiful laugh of yours again.
But that also meant he had to finally address this issue between you and his father. With his decision to want to talk to you first, he walked along the engawa when he heard your clear laughter. His heart jumped at that moment, and he walked in the direction of the sound and saw you chatting happily with Senjuro. You both laughed at something he couldn't hear from the distance, but that did not matter. He just used that moment to watch you standing in the daylight and how you showed the excited Senjuro a movement with the bokken. Your gentle smile beamed brighter than the light that shone on you, and in general he thought that your smile suited you better than your silent and stoic expression that you had had in the beginning. You had come out of your shell and Kyojuro could only hope that he might be the cause for it. He fervently hoped so.
"So, what were you two laughing about?" Kyojuro walked up to you and looked at you both intently.
You and Senjuro exchanged looks and then started giggling. "Oh nothing, it's just something between me and Senjuro."
"Really? Senjuro? You don't want to tell me either?"
But the younger Rengoku just smiled and shook his head. "If Y/N-chan doesn't say it, then I won't say anything either."
Y/N-chan... What would he give to call you by your first name. What would he do to hear his first name from your lips. He tried to gather his focus back. There was an important matter to discuss. "L/N-san, there's something I'd like to discuss with you."
It was as if Senjuro understood so walked back inside, saying he's going to make some tea. You both looked after him before looking at each other again. "Yes, Rengoku-san?"
Perhaps he could fulfill this one wish of his and- "Please call me Kyojuro." He saw the endearing blush in your cheeks. "I'd like to take up the subject with my father..." He saw your smile fade and your face stiffen. He could have slapped himself for bringing back that terror in your eyes again. Even regretting and being pained by your stiffened body language, it was still something that needed to be addressed. Especially if he harbored those kinds of feelings towards you.
~~~
You weren't happy about the situation you were in now, but you did it for Kyojuro. You saw it in his eyes how important this issue seemed to be for him. How important it was that you know more about your past and that his father wasn't the murderer you thought he was. You had looked at him in disbelief, but his words made sense too. You must face him, face your past even if it was uncomfortable.
So, you sat with a tense posture behind the shoji door now and heard how Kyojuro addressed his father in the room behind the shoji. At first, he didn't answer him, then he gave a gruff answer, the wording of which you did not understand.
But what you caught was the pain and disappointment in Kyojuro's next words. You remembered what his greatest desire was and how this man destroyed it with his harsh words. The desire to open the shoji door and reach for him to give him comfort was greater than ever, but you held back and took a shaky breath. He had asked you to wait for him behind the door until he came to get you and not a second earlier.
"Father, it's important. There's a person here who wants to meet you."
"I'm not interested in your girlfriend! When will you get it?!" You heard glass shatter and inevitably flinched, grabbing your nichirin sword tightly. No, calm down, nothing is ever how it seems. Water changes too... A mantra you kept saying to yourself, but you knew that it would not help much as you must face the confrontation. You had to face this fear called Shinjuro Rengoku. If not for you then for Kyojuro.
Kyojuro didn't correct him and started again. "Father, please, it's important to her. She knows you from back then and-"
"Are you deaf?!" You could hear the drunkenness behind the words and suddenly some footsteps. "I don't give a shit who's there!" He opened the shoji door and a tall man in a traditional yukata robe towered over you while looking down at and on you.
You couldn't breathe as your whole body froze. The menacing aura that emanated from him was the same as back then. Your instincts cried out: Flee for your life, but you were in such a state of terror that you couldn't help but look up at this intimidating man while you gripped your blade.
"Are you trying to attack me in my own house?!" He saw you gripping your blade, taking a threatening step towards you but instead of getting into an attack position, you backed away, startled, and landed on your butt, practically crawling backwards. Your face reflected pure and sheer terror. Shinjuro didn’t expected this reaction and stared, surprised, into your wide-open eyes and in that moment, he remembered the little girl from back then. The same eyes that had looked at him the same way.
It was sobering for him to see you like this and he took another step, but not to threaten you again, but to help you up. But you were so full of adrenaline and fear that you followed your instincts. You got up at his next step and ran. You didn't even realize that you had crashed into another person and knocked them over. You also didn't notice how the freshly brewed tea got on your clothes and scalded you. The familiar pain was secondary, you had to flee and get away from here. You ran stumbling out of the house, heard shouts, but you didn't care. You just ran.
After a while you allowed yourself a quick glance back to see if anyone had been following you, but that was enough for you to not notice where you were running, and you banged your head against something hard. Before you knew it, everything went black, and you knew no more.
"Shit..." Shinjuro ground out through his teeth. Kyojuro had seen the chaos evolve before his eyes, and regret spread through him. He didn't wait for his father's reaction and was about to run after you, calling your name, when he saw the surprised Senjuro on the floor just collecting the fallen tea pot and mugs on his tray.
"Senjuro! Are you hurt?" He knew the tea was boiling hot and was concerned accordingly.
"N-No, I don't think so, Aniue." Senjuro looked down at himself and not a drop of the hot tea had landed on him, but not much had landed on the tatami mat either. "I-I think Y/N got the most of it."
Kyojuro swallowed hard, your fear and panic must have been so great that you didn’t even realize that you had been burnt. He quickly ran after you and couldn't see you anywhere, when he suddenly saw a few passers-by in the distance who were gathering around something. A bad feeling spread through him, and he approached the crowd when he saw you there unconscious. He felt his heart clench. Your hakama, which you wore in your free time and during training, was covered in tea and he knew at that moment that you must have been scalded. He carefully knelt down and picked you up, weaving through the crowd of people to get you out of there and to safety. With hasty steps he went back home when he was suddenly approached by an old lady whom he recognized as his neighbor. He saw her worried gaze wander between him and your unconscious body in his arms and offered her help.
Kyojuro sat and waited nervously behind the shoji door of the extra room where he had laid you down on a futon. It was thoughtful of his neighbor to look after you, since they were a household full of men. He was very grateful to the old lady for her help in this regard.
While he was waiting there, endless feelings of guilt arose in him. This was all his fault. You only gave in because he wanted you to. He shouldn't have pushed you and now you were hurt, and it was all because of him. He should commit sepukku!
His dramatic thoughts were interrupted by the gentle sliding of the shoji door and hope gathered in his eyes when he saw the old lady leave the room.
He got up immediately, but she gestured for him to stay seated and sat down next to him.
"Is Y/N okay? Is she awake?!" He was impatient in his concern and wanted to know how you were doing.
She explained that you were merely unconscious from hitting your head and that it was nothing major, but when it came to your burns, she fell silent and Kyojuro looked at her questioningly.
"Young Rengoku, there are severe burns on her legs."
His eyes widened. "Just from tea?!"
She looked at him and shook her head. "No, they are old – as if they came from a big fire. That's why there wasn't much to see, but I put a balm on the red spots with a special herb. I left it next to her."
Kyojuro heard her words but still lingered on the first part. He remembered talking to her in the butterfly mansion and how they had opened up to each other. Sadness overcame him, it seemed that you hadn't told him everything about yourself. You were not only scarred mentally from your past, but also physically.
🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥
Big thanks to my lovely friend @desi-the-blue-eyed-kakushi for beta reading and editing❤️) I am open for discussions and critique. All likes, reblogs and replies are highly appreciated! AND A BIG THANKS FOR THE 300 FOLLOWS!
Taglist:
@krillfromsky @kingmultiverse404 @deepressed @nelissecrectplace @yomoya-girl @theycallmemrsbarnes @roninishere @beelzmunchkin @kyojurismo @stuckinthewrongworld @lynnw @love-me-satoru @felix99999l @noarawriteszr @strawberrymm @rye-flower @demonslayeranimex @kittenssss-blog-blog @hanatsuki-hime @kxthxrinx3180 @thatw3ird0 @lovely-nayiq @annie-napier @cole-silas @inonezu-808 @witchy-scribblings @drowsydoggy @anjox
#sunnys work#flame and water#demon slayer#demon slayer fanfic#kimetsu no yaiba#kimetsu no yaiba fanfic#kny#kny fanfic#kyojuro rengoku#shinjuro rengoku#senjuro rengoku#kyojuro x you#kyojuro x y/n#kyojuro x reader#kyojuro x oc#rengoku kyojuro#rengoku shinjuro#rengoku senjuro#rengoku x y/n#rengoku x reader#rengoku x you#rengoku x oc#kny x reader
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I think the House pfp makes me like you a lot more, lol. /srs
We love our very problematic but extremely, sometimes painfully, unflinchingly honest and mostly accurate portrayal of (SPOILERSSSSSS) canon ASPD. Tbh, one of the few accurate portrayals I've seen and the only one that doesn't cover it up with "but he's a good person" or "but they learn to love and change their ways and no longer are like that yay they're cured" or pair the representation with a side of demonization. Special interest infodump below:
We know House does bad things, but in light of that, the show forces you to stare in the face the questions: What does it mean to be a bad person? If it's your intentions, do your bad actions not matter? If it's your actions, do your intentions not matter? Does the effort not to hurt people in spite of your pain and trauma and maladaptive worldview not matter, no matter how hard you try, if you fail? How many failures is considered "being human" and how many makes it "being a bad human"? Does a good or bad person even exist with how fluid and nuanced life and human nature is? Can you, as a fellow flawed human, define a good or bad person and if so what gives you the right? The show demands you look at this man with low empathy and learn to feel for him whether you like it or not. And so many prosocials completely misunderstand the show and paint him as the antagonist when the entire point of the show is (imo) to humanize the people you shove into the "bad" box. Also hhhh I hate the people who say "House is autistic that's why he acts like this!" Nope nope nope he is literally diagnosed with ASPD. Do I think he's got autism too? Possibly, but I think he may understand social cues, body language, subtext, etc too well for it to be that. I would personally guess ASPD+ADHD+MDD. One of his major specialties is dissecting the social boundaries not because the doesn't understand them, but to show the blind spots they leave, the disservice they do us. He knows what he does is against the norm, he knows he doesn't speak like the people around him and he knows how to do it right. He just *doesn't* because he finds value in removing that and finds no value in others' opinions on him. He knows he is seen as terrible and does not care to change it, not because (imo) he was not accepted as a person but because he was traumatized against people as a whole. See also, MIA and unknown father, questionable mother, shitty stepfather, and all the things he hints at but does not tell us outright. House is a lot of things, but socially unaware is not one of them, and whilst there are autistic people like that who are prosocial, I think the show addressed this clearly in the early episode of the autistic (they used the n*zi term but I will not) child who gives him the PSP or gameboy or whichever it was. House sees some of himself in that child, but it is clearly addressed that it's not quite right - that House relates but does not seem to click properly with being autistic. However, in the "soci*path" patient episode, House heavily struggles to separate himself from her, and finds himself repeatedly coming up empty on reasons they aren't the same. In fact, when he finds out it is reversible, it seems to me like he is simultaneously glad to have figured out the puzzle - and maybe to save her from his suffering - and distressed and jealous that she gets to get out of this. She will get to meet people who did not know her that way and be like them and feel like them and feel like one of them. Unlike in the autism episode, the characters around him seem to believe he has it as well. If he is autistic, he has ASPD as well - diagnosed in fact.
It's such a damn good show.
You did not ask for my (as restrained as possible) infodump about House, MD but you activated my special interest trap card.
#house md spoilers#dr greg house#house md#gregory house#I will live and die by my love of this show#and I have not finished season 8 yet#and I am not ready no matter how it ends#tho admittedly season 8 does kinda suck only in comparison to the rest of it#aspd-culture-is#aspd culture is#aspd culture#actually aspd#aspd#aspd awareness#actually antisocial#antisocial personality disorder#aspd traits#anons welcome
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I lost my best friend on Sunday.
Life feels sad ever since. Sitting on my bed and not having her immediately come to my lap, or waking up without her weight and warmth on my legs feels excruciating. It's like having a lump in your throat that never leaves, or like being kicked so hard in the stomach that you're out of breath. Only this feeling is constant.
I oscillate between the terrible feeling that a massive part of my life is missing and the comforting sensation that I've accomplished my job in giving her the best life I possibly could. A sense of relief that she got to spend her last days with us, near me and her last minutes in this life in my room, in my bed (or her room, her bed, that she was kind enough to share with me).
Ugh… the only certainty we have in this life is the one of death, either way, I'm still always impressed at how much it hurts. Of how unprepared we are to deal with the excruciating reality of not having someone we love anymore. Of how in one minute they're here, and in the next they're not. Our brain struggles to process this fact. Yet, we keep going because that's all we can do.
Blume, I'm just so glad we've spent SO much time together throughout the years because I have all these nice pics of you. I'm happy that at least I could tell you everything I had to tell you in these last days. Even if it was hard, even if i couldn't help crying while holding your tiny little paw. But when you looked back at me with your big yellow eyes, I knew you were understanding me.
Even if you couldn't understand exactly my words, you were feeling the energy I was trying to convey to you when I told you that our love and connection is so strong that it overlaps the meaningless barriers of life. When I promised you our love is so strong and unique that it will make us meet again. Souls that connect this much, find their way to each other, one way or another. We are bound to meet again, in this life or the next.
And if you can see my pain rn, I hope it serves as evidence of how much I loved you, of how much you've meant to me, of how thankful I am that you chose me as your human. No other animal has ever done that to me before. Between a house with five people, with no evident reason, you chose me. It's been always hard for me to see myself as worthy of good things, but I keep thinking that if you loved me, if you saw little details in me that gave you comfort, maybe I'm not that bad.
So I'm gonna keep going and every time that life feels hard and hopeless, I'll think of you and keep going for you. Because if you trusted me, maybe I should trust myself too. Because I know that's what you've wanted.
In regards to tumblr, I need time. I will get better, I will address things and will accept this lost as I slowly get used to a life without her. But I need some days.
And to be honest, if I'm taking something from this time I've spent away, is that I haven't been dealing with tumblr and content creating in the best way lately. I've been neglecting my own feelings and mental health and attributing my worth to what I share or how much time I spend here. And this isn't healthy.
There are so many things out there we end up missing if we're too stuck in this mindset. A whole world around us that we go blind to. I will be back soon. But I need a few days. I hope you'll all understand ♡
Meanwhile, stay with these silly pictures of her. I couldn't go anywhere without her following me around and I couldn't take a mirror selfie or in fact any picture at all without her showing up in the bg, so there's plenty!
Rest in peace, my love. I will forever love you. Thank you for loving me when I thought no one else could ♡
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