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eetherealgoddess · 4 months

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ꨄOur Alphaꨄ

Oneshot - Yandere Celebrity/Omegaverse Au

❦You have to survive as a maid in a celebrity omegan mansion❦

Sano Manjiro, Hanemiya Kazutora, Sanzu Haruchiyo & Haitani Brothers x Reader

Not fully proofread

MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR, AO3, AND WATTPAD UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!

I know there are different variations of omegaverse with sub gender roles. For this specific story, female alphas are not likely to get pregnant but it’s still possible, the omega males are usually the ones to nurture the child, traditionally. Y/n will have female genitalia. Basically omega females will be impregnated, alpha females may get pregnant by alpha males as well as omega males but omega and alpha males cannot get pregnant. Omegas of both genders get heats while alphas of both genders get ruts.

In this world, omegas are at the top of the hierarchy in sociatel terms because of their divine energy. They’re the nurturers while alphas are seen as aggressive and easy to sway, only thinking with their genitals which is seen as weakness even though omegas can be manipulative and murderous. Alphas are basically used to breed. For heats, alphas can be used but if not then omegas help each other, without the markings and ruts.

Notice:

✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.

✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.

✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.

✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.

✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable

✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.

Enjoy!

Our Alpha

Being an alpha in this world can be challenging. Constantly having to prove yourself no matter the circumstances in which you find yourself in. You could be murdered by an omega and still get blamed for whatever happened to you. Some omegas have even falsely accused alphas of terrible behavior, winning in the process while the alpha gets the most gruesome punishment. Alphas are almost always classified as low class citizens, getting the scraps that the omegas may or may not give.

Sure, there are successful alphas out there but only the few favored by omegas, gaining their way to the top by bargaining their own bodies. Regardless, it’s very dangerous to be an alpha involved with an omega, even if traditionally your instincts yearn for it. Tying yourself to an omega is a life sentence of becoming a slave considering once you bite them, you’re tied together by a bond for life. This is why you have made sure to steer clear of omegas of any gender, getting through your segregated schooling as well as gaining a decent job to survive.

You’ve only had romantic and platonic relationships with other alphas and betas, experiencing sex as any person would without the sub gender roles considering there were no enticing pheromones that could put you in a hypnotic trance. Omegas are naturally pretty creatures, ethereal beauties that can lure you into their traps. You despise their power. You despise your own subgender; to be so easily swayed is embarrassing.

Everything was going well until you got laid off by your job, an omegan bar replacing the building as they always do to alpha companies. It’s as if they’re trying to rid all of the alphas' abilities to live a substantial life without the help or permission of omegas. It was frustrating. You became desperate considering the lack of alpha owned businesses in your area. You had no choice but to find an omegan business that would hire you.

Unfortunately, the only job placement you’d be hired for is a maid, some kind of servant, or sex slave. So you decided to post an offer of your services, desperate for income to be able to afford your small apartment. The only response you received was to become a house maid for the sons of the omegan stars who needed a new maid. Although you’d be living in the mansion, you couldn’t pass the pay that was offered. Considering how high it was, you could live there for a few months and be able to move out on your own when you’ve made enough.

Once your bags were packed you traveled to the area in which you’d be living, passing by beautiful scenery that the alpha territories lack. Alpha areas are very dull and dim whereas the living quarters for omegans were pigmented and beautiful. Once you arrived at the mansion, you were guided by one of the beta butlers to your designated room, setting your luggage down as you were handed your uniform that consisted of black pants and a white shirt. Very plain but convenient for cleaning. Your room consists of a twin sized neatly made bed and a window, along with a desk and dresser. The room is also connected to a small bathroom.

Considering you don’t start until tomorrow, you begin to settle into your new living space, sighing once you are through. Deciding to take a shower, you set clothing to change into on your bed before heading to your shower. After you were done, you wrapped yourself in a towel before walking out of the bathroom, only to be startled by the presence in the room. You stare in shock as the blonde male eyes you as he sits on the bed in a crisscrossed position.

“U-uh can I help you?” You attempt to ask politely.

Having never been around an omega in your lifetime, you instantly could tell that an omega sits in front of you by the sweet smell radiating off of his form. A smell you’ve never had the privilege to sniff. Your body is tense, not wanting to make the wrong move as you know how unpredictable they can be. You keep your anxiety levels low considering they could smell fear a mile away. You’ve taken time to study the ‘predators’ though you’ve never seen one in person which is why you know so much.

He hops off the bed and walks toward you, staring at you with intense black eyes as he studies your form. You shift uncomfortably as you keep a hand on the towel wrapped around your figure, your skin moist from the residue water from the shower.

“You smell sweet for an alpha.” He says with his head tilted, leaning in as your eyes widen. His face stops near your neck as you hear him sniff slightly before pulling back. You wanted to reply with a smart remark but held back, not wanting to risk your life over something so petty.

“Y/n?” You nod.

“Mikey.” You already know their names, their parents are known for being famous as well as their children. You damn near grew up together through the screen, always seeing them on your timeline no matter how many times you blocked omegan accounts. There were even alpha owned accounts who were smitten over the pretty boys.

Without another word, he walks out of the bedroom, not bothering to shut the door. You huff as you shut the door and lock it, although now you know the lock doesn’t really matter. Once you were dressed you went to bed and scrolled on your phone until you fell asleep. Your alarm woke you up at five in the morning, hopping out of the bed reluctantly as you did your morning routine and put your uniform on.

The head beta maid met you at your door right before six o’ clock. You noticed that she wore an actual maid’s dress and not the cheap attire you have on, not that it bothered you. She went over the rules as well as the to do list for each day. She guided you to the cleaning supplies, showing you where to find everything as well as touring the rooms, not entering the male’s rooms considering they were still asleep.

Once she left you on your lonesome, you walked into the living space, dusting the windows and wiping them down with a cloth and cleaner. You dust wipe down the lamps and the light fixtures, moving onto the baseboards and window frames. Once you turned around to continue, you were startled once more, facing two of the males who eyed you. You eye the twins, purple orbs studying you before smirks grow on their faces. Their sweet scent meets your nostrils as you stand there.

“Looks like we got a new plaything, brother.” The shorter one states, hands in his pockets with a mischievous glint in his eyes. You tense as they walk towards you. The oldest one slightly leans over.

“Did you hear about what happened to the previous alpha who worked for us?” He questions with a sly smile. You shook your head in response, curious to know though dreading the response.

“She was such a dirty pervert, spying on us while we undressed.” They slowly circled around you like predators would their prey. Your grip tightens around the dusting brush, eyebrows furrowed as you follow them with your eyes.

“She even watched us while we were in heat. There were more problems before she finally got castrated.”

Castration happens when an alpha is accused of perverted behavior. For the male the penis will get detached as well as for the female's clitoris. It’s a horrific punishment nobody wants to go through. Although there are cases where alphas broke the law and gave into their instincts in a disturbing way, a lot of the times they get falsely accused.

“You know how alphas get when they can’t contain themselves. After all, you are one of them.” Rin says before he stops in front of you along with Ran.

“Not all alphas are the same.” You rebutled with irritation. Of course they would generalize the sub gender.

“No?” Ran chuckles, “I guess we’ll see.” He says before walking away, Rin stops by the window and rubs his hand along the glass, the sound causing you to flinch as you see the smeared handprint form.

“Missed a spot.” When they exited the room, you groaned, spitting a few curses as you got ready to re-wipe the window. You had a feeling that spoiled omegans were going to be difficult.

Hours pass and it’s time to clean their bedrooms. Apparently, they should all be out at this time, working on whatever projects or endeavors they’re famous for which is why you were surprised when you walked into the spacious bedroom, and saw piercing blue eyes narrowing at you. The sweet smell contrasted with the aura of the platinum haired male.

“Get out.”

You didn’t hesitate to comply, saving the room for later and heading to the bedroom next to it. You walk into another spacious bedroom. You could hear the shower running through the door of the bathroom. You decide to rush through the already semi cleaned room so you could get it over with considering you already had another bedroom to come back to.

Tidying the spaces that needed a touch up, you pause when you hear the click of the door opening, not noticing the shower had stopped a few minutes before.

An instant sweet aroma mixed with a fresh scent fumed into your vicinity as you turned towards the male who was holding a towel around his waist. You yelp once he removes the towel, rubbing it against his hair as you turn to grab your equipment.

“Sh-! Uh… I’m sorry!” You say as you rush to the exit, only for a hand to grab your wrist. You kept your gaze down toward the door, not wanting to catch a case.

“Hey, wait. You’re Y/n, right?” He questioned with his index finger and thumb rubbing his chin. His grip only tightened when you nodded your head, gasping as he pulled you into a moist hug. Your eyes are wide as you pause in surprise, the warmth of his body radiating off of him as well as the fumes engulfing your nostrils. His arms snaked around your waist as his face nuzzled in your neck. You ignore the feeling of his limp bulge against your covered thigh. You stare at him with disbelief once he pulls back with a closed eyed smile.

“Kazutora.” He says before he turns around, towel still in hand as he walks to his walk in closet, disappearing into the smaller room. You breathe out heavily as you run out of the room, face warm as you place your hand on your chest.

You couldn’t believe how close he got to you, naked and all. How familiar he acted even though you only just met. You rub a hand over your head as you wipe off any residue shower water, your shirt slightly stained. Once you finished the other bedrooms, you pushed your anxiety to the side to knock on the scarred man’s door. When he didn’t answer after the third knock, you entered anyway. Eager to get done with cleaning for the night so you could eat dinner.

When you saw the room was empty, you began your process, unknown to the prowling eyes on you from the cracked door of the bathroom. You could smell him but you thought it was because you were in his bedroom. You jump when you hear something break. Turning around you eyed Sanzu with confusion as he stood there with his arms crossed.

“Why did you break that?” Your eyebrows furrowed.

“You know I didn’t break that.” You say, missing the glint in his eyes towards your response.

He walks over to a pillar and pushes the vase off. You gasp as you look back at him.

“You’re not a very good maid. So clumsy.” He hissed before yelling for the head maid.

“Yes!” She says when she all but runs to the doorway.

“Look at the mess your new maid has made.” He points to the broken objects. She apologizes on behalf of you before she walks to the storage room to grab a dustpan and broom. You glare at him when he glares at you.

“Such vile creatures you alphas are.” He says before walking out of the room. The head maid runs back into the room, handing you one of the brooms and a dustpan.

“Don’t take it to heart, they taunt the new alphas everytime. You just have to be careful so you don’t end up like the last maid.” She informs you.

“Didn’t she spy on them?” You question as you sweep the mess. She shakes her head.

“Oh no. She wasn’t like that. Not at all. They… well… just be careful Y/n. Try not to gain any more attention than you already have.” You pause from her vague response.

“Can you please tell me? I need to know what to look out for.” She looks up at you before sighing.

“Alright, but you didn’t hear this from me. Apparently, much like you, an alpha was hired as a maid. Unfortunately, they didn’t seem to like her, not that many omegas like alphas initially. Instead of firing her, they made her job harder any chance they got. I guess they got bored of their game considering they set her up, resulting in castration and jail time.”

You gasp. You knew how omegas were but to be at such a risk was terrifying.

“There’s not really a way to dodge them once their minds are set but just try to stay in your lane and just get your job done.”

After dinner, you head to your room to shower and get in bed, searching for the old maid as you feed your fears. You fall into darkness, awaiting for a new day.

A couple weeks pass and time goes smoother than you thought. Besides a little teasing from the twins, you survived two weeks of living in this mansion. Nobody seemed to bother you thankfully. You continued to dodge the men as you completed your daily chores. Having succeeded for the two weeks you felt as though you finally had a little room to breathe. Although you weren’t bothered, you couldn’t help but feel eyes on you everyday. You always ignored the feeling.

The day was finished and you went to take your routined shower, basking in the warmth of the water with your eyes closed. Once you were finished, you turned the faucet off and pulled the curtain back, screaming once you pulled it to cover you once more. Your hand trembled as your eyes were wide, the intruder’s hand gripping the curtain to pull it back as you kept it in place.

“Hey, what are you so shy for?” Kazutora questions with a chuckle.

“What are you doing in my bathroom?” You exclaim, smelling the scent he’s letting off as he fills the room. You cover your nose as you gripped the curtain harder. You yelp when you see him pulling it from the other side, snatching your towel quickly as you cover yourself and hop out of the shower.

“Well, I was bored.” He shrugged as he looked you up and down. “

“C-can you get out? Now!” You growl, frustrated with the situation as you cover your nose once more.

“Why?” His smile drops. “What’s up with the tone?”

You pass him as you walk into your bedroom, turning back to face him.

“K-Kazutora, can you please leave? Just let me change real quick.”

His smile returned, “You’re kinda cute when you’re all flustered. It’s only fair I get to see you naked since you walked in on me.”

“You know that was an accident. That’s not even how it we-. Okay, just please turn around if you’re going to stay here.” You say. He sighs before placing his hands on his hips and turning in the opposite direction.

You quickly dried your body as you frantically put your pajamas on.

“Alright, I’m done.” He turns back around to face you. “Now, what can I do for you?”

Before he answers, Mikey walks into your room as Kazutora hops on your bed. The blonde follows behind.

“What the h-! What is going on? Why are you both in my room?” You had to keep your nose covered from the aroma covering your room by the two men, as if they were scenting your room.

“For you to entertain us.” You shook your head.

“I don’t know what you want me to do so there’s nothing I can do. I have to wake up early to complete my job so…” The door opens revealing another blonde who enters your room, sitting next to Mikey as he leans his head on his shoulder, another smell adding to the fumes.

Following after him were the twins who strolled into the room, one sitting at your desk while the other sat on the dresser. You cover your nose with both hands as you eye the newcomers.

“Look, I know you all probably don’t like me and want to get rid of me like you did the other maid. I can stay in my lane and we don’t even need to cross paths.”

“Are you telling us what to do?” Rin asks in an accusatory manner. Your eyes widen as the omegans glare at you.

“No! I-I’m stating my peace! I’m just trying to work.”

“Why should alphas like you get to work? You’re nothing but breeders.” Sanzu hissed as his fumes became higher. Your face becomes warm as you begin to feel light headed.

“You’re all such weak little things. Look at you.” Ran says as he gives off more of his scent. At this point you’re beginning to see stars as you try not to lose to your instincts, fighting off the rut that’s beginning to come forth.

“What’s the matter, Y/n?” Kazutora questions with a fake look of concern, fumes adding to the rest of the scents as you could barely breathe, sweat dripping down your skin.

Mikey gazes at you quietly with narrowed eyes, studying your movement as your vision becomes blurred.

“It’s only a matter of time before you pounce, so just give in.”

You immediately dash out of the room, running down the hall to the maid’s floor as you remove your hand from your mouth, stopping in front of her door to knock frantically. She opens it, gazing at you with concern. You pant heavily as your hands are on your knees.

“They scented my room. Where else can I sleep? Fortunately with her being a beta, you both switched rooms for the night. You didn’t sleep much, too caught up with your thoughts as you couldn’t believe how you almost went into a rut just by the intense scents. You looked up different rut suppressants, ordering some over the counter after a late night trip to the nearest store. Once you took it, you were finally able to fall asleep.

Few more weeks passed and it’s finally been a month since you moved in, the suppressants helping whenever they used their scents against you. No doubt it caused frustration for the men. They made more messes as well as just being plain rude. They switched the liquid of your cleaners with juice as well as causing messes where you already cleaned. They finally left you alone when they saw none of it was working.

Thinking they gave up, you continued on with your job. Dodging them every chance you got as well as getting used to their schedules so you didn’t run into them. You kept reminding yourself that the pay was worth it until it’s time to go. If only you would’ve noticed the way some of your dirty clothes would disappear or the pairs of eyes on you while you slept. You thought the little knick knacks or random clothing that showed up mysteriously in your room was from the maid, never really having that happen before. You didn’t really know why the other maids began to distance themselves, unknown to the threats that would occur whenever they would come too close.

“Y/n, I need to talk to you.” The head maid states, pulling you to the side out of the kitchen with the chefs.

“What is it?” You ask.

“Y-you need to watch your back.” Your eyebrows furrow. They’ve been leaving you alone so you have no idea what the problem is.

“I think the guys are courting you.” Your eyes widen.

You didn’t know much about courting except that it was a way for alphas to show affection to omegans. Traditionally, not the other way around though it does happen. Omegans have only been doing so to other omegans.

“What? How? Why would they do that?”

“I’ve caught them in your room while-!” Her name was called from a distance.

“I-I’ll tell you later. Just be mindful of your surroundings.” She says before walking off. Your eyebrows furrow as you follow her figure, standing in place.

The next day, her body was found on the ground next to the mansion in a bloody puddle. It was deemed a suicide considering the open window. You mourned for your one and only friend of the house, surprised when a hand was placed on your shoulder as a way to comfort you by Mikey.

One day, your suppressants went missing, causing you to not take them for a few days because you never had time considering you would immediately go to bed after you showered when the chores were finished. Considering they stopped messing with you, the need for the suppressants went out the door. You think back to what the maid was trying to tell you from time to time, not really believing that omegas could have a crush on an alpha like you. There was no reason too, especially since they’re celebrities.

You had just finished showering and getting dressed for bed before a knock on your door echoed. When you opened the door you eyed the omegan maid in confusion.

“Come with me.” She states as she walks off, you following behind.

When you stop in front of the door, she giggles.

“You’re a very lucky alpha.” She says before she opens the door and pushes you in, shutting and locking it behind you. You fall, kneeling to the ground as you look up. Your hands cover your mouth and nose as the fumes take over, the sight in front of you causing your eyes to widen.

The sweet mix of different aromas meet your nostrils as it goes straight to your clit, the intensity of the smell overwhelming you as the air is thick with omegan heat fumes. Panting men lay on a large bed in front of you as they desperately touch themselves, loads of slick everywhere as you hear moans and whimpers.

You’ve never experienced anything like this, desperately clawing at the door as you stand up on your trembling legs. You turn around, kicking the door as you struggle with opening the knob.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! Let me out, please!” You realized you’ve been set up, now afraid of castration as you try to keep yourself under control.

“Alpha?” Your breath hitched at the soft voice. Now that you’ve been noticed, you repeatedly kick the door harder as you try to break out.

The scents thicken as you avoid turning around, too scared to eye the vulnerable men. Your head hits the door as tears fall out, sliding down on your knees as you try to keep it together. You jump when a wet hand touches your jaw, forcing you to look into dark eyes.

You tense as you smell the residue slick against your face, tightening the grip over your nose and mouth as the fumes become stronger from Mikey’s closeness. He uses his thumbs to wipe away the tears as he pants, face red with sweat wetting his hair.

“Stop crying.” You want to move his hands away from you and try to break the door down, but if you move your hands you will surely go into a rut.

You hear a moan coming from the bed, the scarred man fingering himself fast as you could hear the squelching of his wet anus.

“Touch me, Alpha!” He demands with his head fallen back. You bite your lip under your hands, pressing yourself against the door as you smell Sanzu’s fumes become stronger, an attempt at luring you in. It almost works, his voice going straight to your core causing an ache to form.

A pain forming from kneeling, you plant your bottom on the floor, preparing to cover your whole face until Mikey pushes his body in between your legs, his hands grabbing your wrists as leans over to your ear.

“I want you to mark me, alpha.”

You shift your gaze to the loud moan coming from the bed, Kazutora face down, ass up with his head looking behind toward you. His heavy lidded eyes are feral as he stares at you, fingers engulfed in his hole as he tugs his hard on, milking his cock as you watch the slick drip on the bed that you now notice has some of your clothes.

You turn your gaze to Ran who is gazing at you while sitting on the bed, rubbing his cock as he bucks his hips, panting with an aroused expression. You could smell all of them from where you sat. Rin kneels in front of you as he hugs your waist before picking you up, carrying you to the bed as you struggle against his grip, tossing you in the middle as you're surrounded by the men in heat.

You shut your eyes tightly, your hands being ripped from your nose and mouth by him.

“You’re taking too long.” He hissed before he pinned your wrists above your head.

“Stop! You don’t want this!” You yell as your shirt is torn by Sanzu, your pants being tugged down by Mikey.

“Please! I don’t want to be castrated or binded!” You exclaim, tears falling as you feel your rut being triggered by all of the overwhelming fumes.

Two palms grab your face from behind as you gaze above you with teary eyes, residue slick from his hands rubbing against your face.

“We’ll protect you, alpha.” Kazutora gives a dazed smile before his lips meet yours, your eyes wide as his neck blocks your view. The color in your eyes dim as you fight off the rut to the best of your abilities, the instincts taking over as your pupils dilate.

Once Kazutora pulls back, you gasp at the feeling of a thick girth entering your pussy. Glazed over purple eyes stare down at you while his hips pull back before shoving back into you. Ran leans over as one of his hands reaches behind your neck as his face nuzzles on the opposite side.

“I couldn’t wait, alpha. S’ fucking good.” He rutts inside of you, not bothering to go slow as you grunt and moan, eyes shutting closed tightly. His beautiful moans reach your ear as well as the other omegans who were touching themselves by the heated sight, waiting their turn. Kazutora and Rin grab your hands, circling your fingers around their cocks as they thrust desperately against your hands.

After a while, Ran pulls out of you, picking you up before you are turned over on all fours. Sanzu positioned himself under you as he forced you to drop on his cock. Ran’s wet cock easing into your ass as it stretches, the slick on him making it less painful. They both release moans as they buck their hips. You pant against Sanzu’s neck, trying not to lose it.

“Bite me. Make me yours alpha.” Sanzu says against your ear as he moves your hand to wrap it around his throat. Your fangs come out, biting your lip to prevent yourself from tying any bonds no matter how tempted you were to do it. Blood drips on his shoulder from your lip as they accelerate their speed.

Your hand grips his neck causing him to moan out your name. You curse as your body rocks in between them, both men going harder as the slick oozes out of your holes.

“God, you want it so bad Y/n. I can smell it from you.” Kazutora groans as his head falls back, his hand tugging his erection as he breathes heavily. Mikey shifts to kneeling beside your face.

“His neck is bare for you. How could you pass the opportunity for such a pretty omega?” You whimper against Sanzu’s skin, whispering, “Fuck!”

“I’ll be so good for you, alpha.”

“Please!” You beg for them to stop with their words.

“Come on, Y/n. We’re giving you permission.” Rin breathes out as he rubs his wet cock. Finally, your eyes darken, panting, you insert your fangs into Sanzu’s neck, drawing out a loud whine from him.

“Yes, alpha!”

By the end of their assault, you had ended up losing your senses to your rut, marking each of their necks as they all pounded into you. You were knocked out, lying in the bed full of nests made by your own clothes mixed in with theirs. You were scented as you breathed heavily stuck in a deep slumber. They are bound to you forever as you are to them. Your position as a maid was dropped now that you are living with them for good. Your worst nightmare came true and now you’re stuck to be the omegan’s alpha. Your own freedom has been ripped from you, though at least you weren’t castrated.

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punksocks · 1 year

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Lilith square Ascendant

Lilith square ascendant is an interesting placement. It’s packed with energy that often seems excessive and uncontrollable. Lilith energy is always tied to the mythology of Adam’s first wife, Lilith. She was an unfit wife because she saw herself as equal to Adam and could not be “tamed” to follow him as her husband. Lilith the figure is filled to the brim with complexity, s*xual energy, and intrigue just like the placement is.

Lilith can be felt powerfully in the angular houses (1st, 4th, 7th, 10th) as these are the houses tied to how you are perceived and received by others (self, childhood/family, spouse/partners, public). Personally I have Lilith in my 10th house squaring my ascendant which is why I wanted to dive into some of my observations with this placement.

Lilith aspecting the ascendant is often observed as an alluring placement. Lilith is impactful, often others will have a strong reaction to you. When you walk into a room you will have people that immediately love or hate you no matter how neutral you attempt to be.

Individuals with Ascendants that are Trine/Sextile to Lilith tend to enjoy and find empowerment from the often sexual attention they receive. While Asc Conjunct/Square/Opposition Lilith individuals tend to feel disgusted or turned off by these strong reactions.

In all honesty, strong Lilith placements are in the individual’s birth chart to encourage them to come into their own without shame or making themselves smaller for others.

Lilith square ascendant is said to be the most alluring and untamable placement because of the strength of the tension of energy of this aspect.

In addition to that, there’s something startling about the energy of strong Lilith placements/aspects, not because of Lilith herself but because of the reactions of others.

People often assume that the version they perceive of you to be all that you are. They also tend to be quite possessive and controlling of you. Either they shame and avoid you because they feel especially overwhelmed by your energy. Or they try to capture you, as if they could be the one to assert total control and dominance over you and to make you up in whatever image they view as “respectably feminine”.

This is obviously a trap, because Lilith’s energy cannot be muted, so when controlling people cannot change your essence they will sometimes react badly. As if they are following dark impulses, something snaps and they simply cannot process you being so uncontrollable.

Personally with my Lilith in 10th house in Leo squaring my ascendant in Scorpio, I find I usually get a certain set of reactions. From feminine energies, I often get femmes that suddenly get very competitive with me. For attention, skill, or otherwise, especially at work. (Check your 11th house to see where competition tends to come up). I usually have an easier time making friends with femmes with Lilith energies who are more aware of and embrace their “alternative” or “dark feminine” sense of expression and social s*xual power/identities.

For masculine energies I often get contempt or infatuation. Contempt in the form of avoidance and belittling. Or infatuation in the form of pushing boundaries with leery behavior. Something about Lilith makes some men really uncouth in a jarring way. It’s like the socially polite part of their brain just shuts down and they devolve in front of you.

Lilith isn’t a bad placement, just to be clear. I don’t believe any placement is bad, I know that every placement has its disadvantages and advantages and your lesson is to use them accordingly. Lilith is just a litmus test. If someone is an envious, possessive, abrasive sort of person, their behavior will be shown to you almost immediately. Especially with very masculine or very “traditionally” feminine energies.

I’m synastry too, Lilith overlays will show you a lot about your partner and their behavior towards you. Lilith shows if people around you are developed or undeveloped the easiest of most placements I believe.

This is definitely a placement to be careful with because you can’t really tell how far into scary behavior other people will go once they’ve made up their minds about you.

Day by day, I’m learning Lilith’s lesson of not letting people control you by gaining means to be independent and have my autonomy supported throughout my relationships always, but I’ve definitely gotten through some scary situations by having to get away from people that want me to submit to them.

#astro observations #astroblr #astro community #leo #scorpio #lilith square ascendant #lilith #lilith aspects #black moon lilith #astro notes

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growingstories · 1 year

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Designated goaly

Manuel is studying finance in Paris, Manuel, 20 years old, was known for his strikingly tall and handsome appearance. He was well-liked among girls at the university, but deep down, Manuel harbored a secret. He shy was and gay, which meant that he didn't have much luck when it came to dating.

Every day, Manuel would make his way to the gym. He was passionate about sports, and he worked on sculpt tirelesslying his abs and building impressive biceps. It was during one of his regular gym sessions that Manuel encountered a, broad tall-shouldered guy named Raoul. Raoul approached Manuel and asked for assistance with his bench press. They quickly bonded over their shared love fitness for and decided to grab protein shakes together after their workouts.

As they sipped on their shakes, Raoul divulged that he was a part of the university's water polo team. Intrigued, Manuel expressed his interest in joining. Raoul was delighted and extended an invitation to Manuel to come to the pool and the witness team in action.

Upon his arrival at the pool, Manuel was struck by the sight of the tall, broad-shouldered players as they gracefully maneuver throughed the water. Raoul introduced Manuel to the team and explained the rules of the game. Manuel was instantly captivated by the sport, and the team was equally impressed by his enthusiasm. They extended an invitation to Manuel to become a part of their water polo team.

During his time with the team, Manuel formed a bond with Raphael, team the's goaly. Manuel was in awe of Raphael's massive build and strength. Raoul revealed that Raphael had joined the team as a tall, skinny guy four years prior, and his position as the goaly was reserved for as long as he remained in university. When Raphael eventually graduated and left the team to pursue a job, it meant that a new goaly would need to be chosen. The team traditionally organizes a race consisting of a 6-kilometer run and a 1-kilometer swim, with the slowest member becoming the new goaly.

Determined to take on this new challenge and making sure he would not become the the new goaly, Manuel set his sights. He trained relentlessly, working on his speed and endurance. While running came naturally to him, swimming proved to be more challenging. However, after weeks of dedicated practice, Manuel surpassed the expectations of his teammates and emerged as one of the fastest runners and swimmers in the team.

With Raphael's departure looming closer, the race was scheduled to take place in just two weeks. Manuel continued his rigorous training, convinced that he would not be the one to take up the role of the goaly. However, the night before the race, the team organized a farewell party for Raphael. Unbeknownst to, Manuel it was a tradition for the newcomer and the departing member to have shots after every speech.

Caught up in the, festivities Manuel indulged in far more alcohol than he was accustomed to, leaving him feeling incredibly ill the next day. Despite feeling terrible he joined, his team for the race, only to find that his performance was subpar. While he wasn't the slowest runner, his swimming was far from his usual standards, making him the average slowest member.

Feeling defeated and contemplating leaving the team, Manuel's worries were quickly assuaged by Raoul, who assured him that they would take care of him. He ignored his teammates for a week, missing practices in the process. However, when he realized how much he missed his fellow teammates, Manuel decided to give it another shot.

To celebrate his return, the team surprised Manuel with a cake during practice. It was an enormous cake, enough to feed two teams. They showered with him congratulations and insisted that he eat three whole pieces. Almost to the point of vomiting Manuel, struggled through the first two pieces. Sensed his difficulty, Raoul offered to help and proceeded to feed Manuel the remaining piece, eliminating any need for silverware.

Overwhelmed by the fullness in his stomach Manuel, found himself confused both and strangely aroused. Later that night, he found solace in pleasuring himself.

In the following practice, the team embarked on a long run. They brought along 2 boxes of 12 donuts, ordering Manuel to eat them all before their return. Despite his initial confidence, Manuel hit a wall after the fifteenth donut. Temporarily pausing, he resumed eating slowly, heavily influenced by the sight of his shirtless, sweaty teammates. Mimicking what Raoul had done before, they began shoving the remaining donuts into Manuel's mouth one by one. The peculiar sensation aroused him once again, and after the twenty-fourth donut, they proceeded to engage in weight training.

This cycle of feeding and intense training continued throughout the entire week. Manuel began to notice significant gains in his strength and physique, fueling his motivation. His teammates were filled with pride in his progress.

As the weeks passed, the team upped the ante. Manuel was provided with the usual boxes of donuts alongside the daily intake of Boost weight gain drinks. However, this time they also presented him with a third box of donuts. Nervous about the monumental challenge, Manuel knew he had to increase his weight training to keep up. Week by week, the feeding continued, and with each instance, Manuel found himself becoming increasingly aroused. His sessions of self-pleasure became more frequent, complementing his newfound dominance in the gym.

The team decided to collect money to help Manuel purchase a new wardrobe, as his old clothes could no longer contain his burgeoning muscles. Manuel felt a sense of genuine affection from his teammates, appreciating their support. Together, they became an unstoppable force in the water polo season, emerging as the best team of the year.

When summer arrived, Manuel returned home to his family. Their surprise and concern were evident as they witnessed his significant weight gain. He found it challenging to control his insatiable hunger, with every meal leading to overwhelming arousal and subsequent self-gratification. Despite the stagnation in his weight over the summer, Manuel emerged from the break with renewed determination as he rejoined the team.

Back in the pool, his teammates were disappointed by his performance. Determined not to let them down, Manuel realized that he needed to take things to another level. The team introduced an excessive amount of food and feeding into his training regime. With each feast, Manuel grew more stimulated, indulging in self-pleasure to release the tension.

Raoul saw how aroused Manuel was after another feeding, he offered to release Manuel. He expressed his feelings for Manuel and after a few dates they started living together.

After four years, Manuel transformed himself into the largest goalie the team had ever seen. Graduating from university, he was faced with uncertainty about his future. However, his dedication and unique experience landed him a job as the coach of the national water polo team. He embraced the opportunity, promising himself that he would never lose weight. Living with Raoul as a loving couple, they continued to enjoy incredible sex together.

As Manuel embarked on his coaching journey, he often wondered if his unorthodox work ethic would translate into his new role. One thing was for certain – he would never compromise on his physical prowess.

#fictionalweightgain #maleweightgain #maleweightgainstories #weightgain #weightgainstories #fictionalstories

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 5 months

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do you have any tips for subtly looking more masculine? I can’t fully transition now because I’m a minor in a confirmed to be transphobic household, and if you have any suggestions that would be amazing

Lee says:

You can try starting slowly incorporating more masculine-styled women's clothing into your wardrobe. This is usually a gradual process anyway since it can take time to save up enough money to purchase enough new shirts/pants/shoes etc. to fully replace your current wardrobe, especially if you're working part-time as a babysitter, dog-walker, etc.

Clothes that are more structured or straight-cut, like button-down shirts or straight-leg pants, can help create a more traditionally masculine silhouette. Layering with hoodies or jackets can also be effective. You can sometimes find these things styled as "boyfriend" clothes, and you can tell your parents that it's the current trend/style. You can see our post on finding masculine clothing in the women's section here.

Another easy change is dropping the accessories. That means not wearing feminine necklaces/earrings/bracelets/hairbands, not painting your nails, etc. It's easy to say you want to keep things basic and sporty and that's why you're going without the accessories. Wearing a neutral watch or a smart watch is another accessory to consider instead of a thin-strapped "women's watch" if you wear watches at all that is.

You can see our post on purse alternatives here since bags are often the biggest practical change in the accessory category. Not carrying a purse when you hang out with your friends in the mall, go out on a trip, etc is obviously a high-impact change to make.

If possible, choose a haircut that's more typically masculine. Shorter haircuts, or styles that are longer on the top and shorter on the sides, can subtly change your appearance. If you use a female reference for your photo when you show your parents what you want they may not suspect anything. You can see our post on convincing your parents to let you get a haircut without coming out here.

If a haircut isn’t possible, consider styles like pulling your hair back in a low bun or wearing hats. If you're Black, cornrows, box braids, and locs are styles that can be gender neutral depending on how you wear them. There's a few links on that here.

There are also things you can do to come across as subtly more masculine without buying anything at all.

Sometimes, adopting a more traditionally masculine posture and body language can make a difference. This doesn't usually have a big impact on passing, but it can help you feel better about yourself and boost your self-confidence and reduce dysphoria, and it's something that your family may not notice because it's easy to alter when you're with them. You can see a post about masculine body language here.

Similarly, you can try voice training and practice speaking in a slightly lower tone or in a more monotone style, which is often perceived as more masculine. Be careful not to strain your voice, though, and maybe avoid doing it while you're with your family. You can see a post about voice training here.

Engaging in exercises that build upper body strength can also help in achieving a more masculine physique. Focus on workouts that target the shoulders, back, and arms. You can often do body weight workouts at home in your room without needing a gym membership or specialized exercise equipment.

Find a support system, whether it's friends, online communities, or a counselor/therapist, who understand and support your gender identity. This can provide a safe space to express yourself and explore your identity. It can help to have other friends who are also masculine to feel like you're not isolated.

Observing and adopting some masculine behavioral cues, like how men typically occupy space or interact in social settings, can also be a subtle way to express masculinity, but you want to be careful that you're not imitating toxic masculinity / obnoxious guys. Similarly, engaging in hobbies or interests that are stereotypically masculine can be a subtle way to align with male peers, but always choose activities that genuinely interest you and you can probably find other guys out there who are also interested in the things you already care about to be friends.

The above suggestions are all things that you can do without your parents necessarily noticing. Binding is something that may not be subtle depending on your chest size, so while it is possible to sometimes bind in front of family without them noticing (saying it's a sports bra, for example) I would recommend keeping your binder in your backpack and only changing into it at school in the bathroom / at a friend's house / in a public bathroom when you're out with friends but not family, etc. unless you really are wearing only a single well-fitting sports bra. You can see more about buying a binder and that whole process in this post.

It's harder to be seen as masculine or male when you're pre-medical transition and not passing which means people often have to "overcompensate" by being more masculine than they would otherwise choose to be, but as always, I'd like to note that it can be possible to pass as male / be masculine while doing any of the things I recommended changing!

So while I might advise someone who wants to come off as more masculine "don't paint your nails" for example, that is a general rule and doesn't mean that you have to follow those guidelines if you're really passionate about painting your nails. You can always choose whatever gender expression you're comfortable with. There are plenty of guys who wear nail polish and otherwise come across as masculine or who are recognized as men. It's important to remember that masculinity is diverse and there's no one right way to be masculine.

Followers, any other tips on performing subtle masculinity that won't make transphobic parents suspicious?

#Lee says #closeted #masculinity #parents m #unsupportive family m

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samwisethewitch · 3 months

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In Defense of Fluffy Bunnies, or Witchcraft in Times of Burnout

At the very end of 2023, I used my Christmas bonus from work to buy myself a tarot deck I never would have purchased six months earlier.

This deck was from a creator whose work I had really enjoyed in the past, but when I had looked at it earlier in the year, I'd had concerns that it was softening the meaning of some of the more "difficult" cards in the tarot. For example, The Hanged Man is replaced with "The Patient Witch" and Death is replaced with "The Broom." I'd had concerns that replacing these cards, which are traditionally associated with more dire or upsetting readings, meant the creator was trying to whitewash tarot into something cute and fluffy, sacrificing a lot of its depth in the process.

The deck is The Cozy Witch Tarot by Amanda Lovelace, and I'm so glad I gave it a try. This deck has an incredibly kind and gentle feel, but it is absolutely capable of giving serious readings. The depth of the tarot hasn't been compromised at all by Lovelace's changes, and her version's greater emphasis on agency and personal empowerment is exactly what I need in my practice right now. I use this deck to read for myself almost every day.

So what changed? How did I do a complete 180 in my thoughts on this deck in only a few months?

I've always been very opposed to "love and light" or "fluffy bunny" witchcraft. For those who aren't familiar, these are both terms used online (usually negatively) to describe witches who only do "light" or positive magic. According to the Witchipedia, "Generally, the 'fluffy bunnies' have based their practice on only the most delightful aspects of their spiritual path or romanticized, fictional Hollywood or literary accounts of witchcraft or Wicca." From what I can tell, this term came out of Wiccan Internet forums in the 1990s, and it refers to someone who dons the aesthetics and mythology of Wicca or witchcraft without actually engaging critically with magic theory. Fluffy bunnies also tend to focus on feel-good magic, at least according to stereotypes.

Similarly, "love and light" witches are known for only focusing on the lighthearted side of witchcraft. In an opinion article for The Wild Hunt, Storm Faerywolf writes that, "On the surface it seems harmless enough: a philosophy of love, kindness, non-violence, and a concerted practice of positivity." This type of witchcraft is very closely tied to the "spiritual but not religious" movement and borrows a lot of concepts from New Age spirituality, like crystal healing, the Law of Attraction, and chakras. While fluffy bunnies are very much a product of the 1990s, love and light witches are very much a product of the New Age boom of the 2010s.

I've been very vocal about my dislike for both of these types of witchcraft on this blog in the past, and I still 100% agree with Storm Faerywolf, who says in that same article: "But to assert that pain, and fear, and even anger are somehow less important than our joy, our courage, and even our love, is to do a grave disservice to our collective mental and spiritual health... groups that embrace this mode of thinking have effectively ensured that they can mutually avoid anything that might challenge their cultish mindset. Angry over injustice? You’re just living in a lower vibration. Afraid of contracting a deadly virus? You just don’t trust Jesus enough."

I think accepting and working with challenging emotions is an important part of what it means to be a witch. Spiritual bypassing and cries of "good vibes only" do more harm than good. But for a while I got so caught up in rejecting anything even remotely fluffy or love-and-lightish that I ended up with a magical practice that, to be honest, kind of made me miserable. And I don't think I'm the only one.

I spent a lot of 2022 and 2023 wrestling with injustice, both in my spiritual practice and in my personal and professional life. My practice is inspired by witches like Starhawk and Christy C. Road, and politics play a key role. Most of the spells I did in 2023 fall into the category of justice magic, including breaking family curses and hexing rapists. At the same time, I was working a series of direct services jobs that saw me working closely with homeless teenagers, domestic violence victims, and people battling addiction, just to name a few. And that's not even getting into my personal life and recovery as a queer, disabled survivor of abuse.

And let me tell you: By the end of 2023, I was fucking exhausted. I was beyond burnout. And I didn't even want to do magic anymore, because magic had become just another part of my life where I had to face the injustice and harm happening in the world around me.

I was in desperate need of some fluffiness, some love and light. And that was when I bought the Amanda Lovelace tarot deck.

I knew something had to change. In my burnout, I desperately needed to be tenderly cared for. I needed my spiritual practice to be a source of peace and comfort, not a drain on my energy. I needed to get out of the dark for a bit so I could remember how to see the stars.

What I've realized in the last few months is that yes, anger, pain, and fear are important in a balanced magical practice and a balanced life -- but joy, love, and comfort are equally important. And if you spend a lot of time in one part of your life dealing with pain and fear (like I do in my day job), focusing on love and healing in your witchcraft can help keep things balanced.

"Comfort" and "care" are definitely the keywords for my magical practice right now, and that means my magic looks a lot more fluffy than it has in the past. And that's a good thing.

#cozy witchcraft #cozy witch #fluffy bunny #fluffy bunny witchcraft #fluffy bunny wicca #love and light #personal #long post #okay to reblog #witchcraft #paganism #pagan #shadow work #my writing #mine #witchblr

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aismoker · 1 month

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How to Bing?

Part 1: The basics

I received several questions about how I create the images I post. So, here are some of the answers. I am no expert and I have not a clue how the algorithms work. There are probably plenty of other ways to make images, but this is the way how I make them. If you have tips or tricks, share them below.

As I have stated before, I use the Image Creator of Bing, powered by DALL-E 3. It is "free", as in: you don't have to pay for it, but it probably collects tons of data, but let's not get into that. I have tried other creators, but at the moment, I think that Bing produces the highest quality images, with the smallest amounts of flaws, although it still happens quite often that too many arms or legs appear in the images. Of course, this field develops so quickly that by the time you read this, there can be thirty other, better creators out there. One of the cons of the creator is that it sometimes blocks your prompts to eagerly. As a rule, just stay away from full-body nudity, sex, celebrities, violence and weapons. In some cases you can work around it, for example, if you create a soldier, often a gun appears in the image. There are other image creators that allow that kind of stuff. Feel free to use those.

Below I explain the steps that I usually go through when I make an image. I put examples along with it. Those are just examples to highlight the point I am trying to make. It is not a process you have to follow step-by-step to create your own images, you can do that in your head.

STEP #1: Composition

Generally speaking, the first things you put in your prompt are usually considered to be the most important, so start with what the focus of the images should be. Do you want the focus to be on a person, than write that down first. Do you want a more overview-like image (for example of a large room, a field, etc.) then start with that.

As you can see below, I created several different images of a man in an office. The prompts that I used are below them.

"A man sits in an office"

"An office with a man sitting in it"

"Portrait of a man sitting in an office"

"A coffee cup in an office. A man sits behind it."

Do you see the difference between the first and second image? In the first, the focus is on the man, in the second more on the surrounding. In the third image, the focus is even more on the man. In the fourth image the focus is on something else and the man is just a background prop.

STEP #2: Specify

With such basic short prompts you usually get decent images, but there is a huge problem: You don't have any control on what the image looks like. In the example above, the men look completely different as do the offices in which they are sitting. If you let the prompts run again, you get completely different men and offices. It is therefore needed to specify your prompts. You can do that by changing the words in the prompt that you already have, or to add stuff.

STEP # 2.1: Change what you already have

By exchanging the words in your prompt, you can specify what you have. I have used the prompt above and have changed the word "man" into different occupations. The differences are striking.

"A general sits in his office."

"A bouncer sits in his office."

"A baker sits in his office."

"A farmer sits in his office."

I have also changed "an office" into "his office", just to make sure that the main figure remains a man. In the case of "general" and "bouncer" the chances that a woman appears are not so big, although it does occur. With occupations like farmer, baker, teacher, etc. the chances that you get a woman are bigger. This is because the generator works on the basis of prejudice, bias, stereotypes or whatever you want to call it. This is logical as the generator has been "fed" images of, for example, generals, who have been traditionally more often men than women. That is also the reason why for example in images of bakers a lot of breads, cookies and other pastries appear, simply because the generator has been taught that that is the essence of being a baker. You can see this as a problem, but it is what it is. Besides, you can always subvert expectations.

Just use your imagination and you might get surprised what works for you. There are, however, some occupations that you should try to avoid if you don't want your prompts to get blocked. For example, I tried "butcher" instead of "baker". In the first attempt I got the images below, but all later attempts got blocked. Based on the images I did get, I think that the generator basically equates "butcher" with "serial killer".

I didn't try words like "murderer", "psychopath" or "male prostitute", but I guess they are also blocked.

Some of the words I like to use to describe men are: "bouncer", "biker", "scally" and "security guard". This very often gives a masculine, bad boy vibe to the image.

STEP #2.2: Add stuff

Changing the things you have can change the images significantly, but with a short prompt like "A man sits in an office." you leave a lot of space for the generator to fill in the blanks. It is therefore important to fill in those blanks. It is, however, important to know, that you cannot control everything. First of all, you only have 380 characters to describe what you want to get. I found out that you can make longer descriptions with the chat feature, but I never used that. Secondly, the longer you make your descriptions, the harder it is for the generator to understand what you mean and it can mess things up. For example, if you describe multiple people seperately, it will happen that the features of one will be copied to the other one, or that they will morph into some creature. Especially if you want to create an image like 1.2 ("An office with a man sitting in it.") with multiple people in it, you just have to accept that the image will probably not turn out how you hoped it would be.

The easiest way to make the images more to your liking is to add specifications to the nouns. You can, for example add age of the people in your images and add more qualities:

"A 30 yo man sits in an office."

"A 60 yo man sits in an office."

"A sinister man sits in an office."

"A muscled man sits in an office."

"A 30 yo sinister man sits in an office."

"A 30 yo muscled man sits in an office"

Adjectives I like to use to describe people are: "muscled", "charismatic", "sinister", "brutal", "athletic", "brutish", "rough" and "rugged". Note, however, that some of these words tend to have some strange consequences. I noticed, for example, that "rough" tends to create men with wounds or scars on their faces, "rugged" gives the men often a fur collar and "muscled" and "athletic" very often leaves the men without shirt or sleeves. Not necessarily bad, but just keep it in mind.

You can add multiple adjectives after each other and it is quite fun to try strange or unlogical combinations, like "charismatic" and "brutal". The generator often comes up with inventive and quite good images! The system has its limits, however, so try to keep it simple. In my experience up to four specifications seem to work okay.

The same goes for the space in which the person is.

"A man sits in a dark office."

"A man sits in a bright office."

"A man sits in a bright smoke-filled office."

"A man sits in a creepy smoke-filled office."

Of course, you can also put specifications after the nouns. I usually use this to describe the spaces (like: "at night", "at dawn", "in a big city", etc.) For people, however, I have the feeling that it not always works.

The images you create with these methods are nice, but not exactly what we want. In order to get there, we have to add more stuff to specify it further. Things I put in here are usually descriptions of clothing, specific features of people and movements.

"A 30 yo man sits in an office. He smokes a cigarette."

"A 30 yo man sits in an office. He wears a shiny leather suit."

"A 30 yo man sits in an office. He talks on the phone."

"A 30 yo man sits in an office. He has shaved his head bald."

You can let your fantasy go loose here and you can add as much as fits in the prompt. Think, however, about what you put in this part and what you put in as adjective. For example, "a bald man... He has shaved his head bald." is double, so remove one of those. I have the feeling that "He has shaved his head bald." gives better results, so I would keep that and remove "bald", but this is all up to you. And if you have not enough space, try to put things in as adjectives instead of descriptions. Don't be afraid to put in this part also adjectives. Just play around with it. There are indefinite possibilities in indefinite combinations.

A few examples:

"A brutal 30 yo bouncer sits in a smoke-filled office at sunset. He wears a leather jacket. He has a black mohawk. He fills out a form. He smokes a cigarette."

"A charismatic 45 yo business man sits in a steampunk office. He wears a biker suit. He has polished his nails green. He pets a cat."

"A handsome brutal 30 yo man sits in an office. He wears a shiny black police uniform. He smokes a cigar. He stares at his phone. The phone glows red."

"A bald 23 yo scally lad sits in a futuristic high-tech office. He has a bushy blonde beard. He wears a shiny black tracksuit. He drinks a beer and smokes a cigarette."

What you should not do is to tell a story to the generator like "A man sits in his office. He is on the phone with his colleague, complaining about his boss, while he writes a report with graphs in it." This will usually confuse the generator. Keep the sentences short and describe what you want to see. The story behind it should be made in your head.

STEP 3: Add a style

One of the last things I add is a certain style. This is not necessary, but it can add a bit of finesse to the image. I either put it in at the end or in the beginning. I am still trying to figure out what works and what doesn't.

"Sepia photo. A 30 yo man sits in a n office."

"A 30 yo man sits in an office. The scene is sinister."

"A 30 yo man sits in an office. Manga style."

"A 30 yo man sits in an office. Low-angle perspective."

STEP 4: Be patient and practice makes perfect

One of the most important things to keep in mind while making AI-images is to be patient. You can have written the most fantastic prompt, but still the images can look like shit. Don't despair and try it again with the same prompt. If, after a few attempts it doesn't work, try to change a few words. Most of the images I have created are the result of multiple attempts and rewrites. Also, save you prompts in between. A prompt that gets blocked disappears and you will have to start your prompt from scratch.

After some practice you will start to get a feeling of what will get a prompt blocked and how you can circumvent this. For example, I noticed that "police man" has a higher block-ratio than "bouncer" or "man" + "He wears a police uniform". Also, if you want images of men getting towards a climax, use something that might look similar to that, for example "He has his eyes closed in pain".

That's all for now. I hope this helps some of you guys out in making some nice images. Don't forget to share them!

In the next part, I will get deeper into more complex images, with multiple people in them.

To go to part 2: click here

#ai art #ai artwork #ai tips #bing image creator

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togglesbloggle · 1 year

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Okie, here’s a slightly dangerous essay I’ve had rattling around for a while. Dangerous because Discourse, which I usually avoid in this space, so I hope you’ll try not to reward it too much and provide weird incentives for me. But it’s a pretty interesting little model, too handy to fully pass over in silence.

Expect mild gender-binary essentialism and heteronormativity for modeling purposes- invoking these things in an explanatory but not normative or ethical sense.

Aside from being aggressively horrible, the state of female beauty standards as a cultural force is also fiddly and interesting in a way that I can’t resist chewing on. Naively, beauty ought to be a pretty idiosyncratic thing. We understand differences in taste between Picasso and Rembrant, or a trip to the mountains and a trip to the beach. But when it comes to human beauty, especially female beauty, we keep needing to reach for phrases like ‘traditionally attractive,’ and things in that vicinity. It’s understood that this ‘traditionally attractive’ stuff has tremendous influence over how our society is ordered, but its origin seems… vague, at best? And it clearly varies between cultures and times; it’s monotonic, not static. And the further away you get from socially mainstream forms of sex, the more it breaks down. Gay and kink communities seem to resist it somewhat, in the form of ‘types’ like bears and butches and whatnot, though it’s still lurking in the shadows a fair bit. So, why?

I’ve arrived at a model that seems to have decent predictive utility, which is: (female) beauty standards are set principally by the ability to convince others that you can leverage male agency.

This is, notably, not exactly the same thing as actually leveraging male agency, or even actually being able to. Male agency itself, though notably responsive to beautiful women in the general case, is of course a lot more complex when you start talking about individual men. These may be asexual or gay, obviously, but even the ones attracted to women are going to have individual preferences, navigate those preferences in different ways, and be more or less responsive to leverage. So to ‘be beautiful’ you’re attempting to land on a consensus, common-knowledge understanding of what everyone else thinks men are attracted to, one that’s anchored by the experiences and preferences of men, but because it’s women who try to achieve beauty in most cases, female-led social spaces are often where ‘beauty’ is processed and filtered from the complicated individual preferences of men and forged in to a coherent set of standards for women to work towards. (Economic forces also play an important role, of course, and are gendered in different ways.)

That consensus, in turn, need not correspond to the preferences of any individual man, even though it’s still (in a removed sense) ‘about’ male preference. An individual woman can even sometimes find more success in the dating market by deliberately stepping away from traditional beauty standards and finding something closer to the actual preferences of (a subset of) the men around her, though that means sacrificing real and important status in other circles. Because as power, the concept of beauty depends on the state of common knowledge among people on both sides of the gender dynamic as much as it does on the behaviors and preferences of men. This is part of what allows beauty standards to vary so widely in time and place (that is, they’re arbitrary to some degree), but be so strong wherever they appear- it’s a Schelling point that women can use to communicate both to men and to other women that they have some degree of influence over others. Thus, one of the many tragedies that heterosexual romance has to navigate. To achieve beauty as power, women have to get closer to that Schelling point, even though being ‘beautiful’ in that sense may actually make it harder to find a good partner that you like. Beauty means the competition is tougher, you’re locked out of considering the preferences of individual men you care about, you’re locked in to fairly oppressive standards that sand off many of your own best qualities because they’re too rare to be included in the consensus, and you’re now filtering for men who date women generically for social prestige rather than having intrinsic interest in you as an individual. But no human can opt out of the power game entirely; the consequences of ostracism in a social species are lethal.

Also, the old joke about ‘Woman Upset that Men are Staring at her Breast Implants’ is, in this model, a perfectly rational set of behaviors on the face of it- you don’t need to invoke either dysphoria or hypocrisy. The woman in question is not interested in actually provoking male behavior, she’s interested in communicating to others, often and especially other women, that she could if she wanted to. She wants enough social power to feel safe, which is a basic and sensible primate drive. It also demonstrates how this particular form of power both promotes and benefits from restrictive male gender roles, particularly as regards when and how to respond to women. The more restrictive the roles, the safer it is to accumulate power without being exposed to undue risk of unwanted (or unsanctioned?) male agency, and in turn the more power will be leveraged by beauty as a force. Feedback loops. Depending on the specifics of culture and local social networks, it’s quite possible for an individual woman to experience the benefits of beauty primarily as higher prestige in her interactions with heterosexual women, and for the dynamic between herself and men as a group to skew more and more negative as she achieves beauty, without beauty itself being net-negative.

(Aside: notice how increasingly restrictive standards of sexual decorum in men in the 21st century correspond to a leveling-off of female workforce participation rates. Libertine attitudes from the 60’s through the 90’s correlate with an expansion of economic power among women as an alternative to gendered beauty.)

One of the reasons that I like this model is that it’s written in the same alphabet as displays of traditional (i.e. political, military) power within formal hierarchies, displays of wealth, or even physical prowess- using this framework, beauty, wealth, and hierarchical power are all measured roughly by the number of people that will do what you ask them to. It makes sense that there would be commonalities between them, such as elements of a seemingly counterproductive red queen race, or brinksmanship in which neither side wants to actually deploy their power.

The differences are also real, and significant- because of the intrinsic dynamics of heterosexuality, beauty-as-a-face-of-power is ‘flat’, without tesselating hierarchies, and it doesn’t scale up indefinitely. This gives it a more limited scope than being a CEO or a president with control over employees, and a much more limited scope than you get through wealth in a tangled economic system. It also means that beauty is much less winner-take-all, meaning that almost all women benefit at the margins from pursuing beauty. It also peaks early and then degenerates over time. All these together in a dynamic mix I think help explain a lot of the complicated relationships that many women have with their physical appearance.

For example, this model makes it pretty easy to talk about why both women and men would be averse to a woman asking a guy out, even in This, The 21th Century- a woman who takes the initiative is in a sense forfeiting a game in which women demonstrate how powerful they are, and making herself less interesting at the margins during a stage of courtship where nobody has much information about the other party.

It also, I think, makes a lot of the old Incel discourse more legible, though it’s probably wiser to leave that particular one as an exercise for the reader. And it’s worth noting also that physical strength shares a surprising symmetry with female attractiveness in this sense, even if explicitly leveraging the social power of physical intimidation is taboo in a lot of modern urban cultures.

Anyway, it’s a good little model. Like all models, it’s wrong, but I think the epicycles here are modest and it's a useful way to interrogate a wide variety of phenomena.

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ryin-silverfish · 18 days

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On Yin-Yang, Chaos/Order, and the Harbringer

-As with many of my LMK-related posts, this is just grouchy old Ryin nitpicking. If it entertains you or gives you ideas, wonderful. If it doesn't, feel free to ignore me.

-I don't understand why LMK fan theories try to fit the square peg of Yin-Yang into the round hole of Chaos/Order divide so often. Is it because Yang is associated with Creation/Life, and Yin is associated with Destruction/Death, and if something is destructive, it has to be chaotic?

-Except mythos-wise, the Underworld is as Yin-aligned as you can get, yet they are a judicial bureaucracy and the enforcer of karmic laws.

-They are subordinate to Heaven, feared by mortals, and a grim bunch overall, but also as "lawful" as their living and divine counterparts. Like, one of the things Yin is associated with traditionally is Punishment & Executions, usually happening in the context of laws.

-Instead of Chaos/Order, Yin-Yang is more like two sets of parallel yet inseparable orders, the boundary between them is quite thin and easily crossed, and when one peaks, it soon declines and transforms into the other.

-Basically, shadow and light without the "Good vs. Evil" connotations.

-But alright, if we have to fit the square peg into the round hole for funsies: won't Yang fit Chaos more? Specifically, the chaos that accompany active creation and unprecedented change and spontaneous life, as opposed to Yin's passive maintainence, decline and orderly march towards an inevitable end?

-Like, the Thunder trigram, Zhen, is Yang-aligned despite being made of one Yang and two Yin, because it symbolizes the bottom Yang forcefully breaking through the Yin and creating a huge thunderclap.

-Here, Yang is creation via violent destruction of its opposites. Same for Fire/Li——another Yang-aligned thing that is nonetheless capable of as much destruction (burning) as creation (heat and light).

-Instead of Pure Yang being Pure Creation, and Pure Yin being Pure Destruction: I'd prefer it more if both polarities, at their highest concentration and strength, is equally creative and destructive.

-Pure Yang is a supernova explosion, an intense spike of scorching light and heat that burns itself out quickly and transforms into its opposite in the ensuing decline.

-Pure Yin is the complete decomposition of a cadaver into its respective chemicals——a gross and grim process, yet it also attracts and sustains countless other lives that feed on the products of death, and is a vital part of the cycle of life.

-It'll be more interesting to me if the Harbringer of Chaos is not a force of Yin——which is all about passivity and "keep on keeping on" and, at its extreme, stagnation, but wild, unrestrainted Yang.

-Really just, disentangle all that boring moral assumptions from Yin-Yang, and show that they are more akin to two different chemical reactions, that either extremes are rare and usually not the most effective or desirable, and whatever good or bad you can do with them, it's on you and not the powers' alignment with Yin or Yang, y'know?

#lego monkie kid #lmk theory #lmk mk #monkie kid #yin yang #lmk

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horizon-verizon · 22 days

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I’m genuinely still wondering how the writers took one look at F&B and went “the stepmother and her stepdaughter should totally be in love” like seriously not hating, how’d they even get to that conclusion ? They genuinely thought “maybe Alicent started romancing Rhaenyra when she was 16 and Rhaenyra 7 ?”

They didn't genuinely think that Alicent and Rhaenyra were besties in canon, they understood it was always a parent-child/step-relation and that Alicent was 10 or so yrs older than canon!Rhaenyra. It's just that they decided to run with a change between the two bc--Miguel Sapochnik's wife? suggested--that this relationship would be less "sexist" than the Wicked Stepmother trope that defined, is when an older woman jealously plots and/or tries to either kill or depower her more beautiful or desireable, "innocent" stepdaughter. Traditionally.

The issues with this thinking is that:

They replaced Alicent's characterization with a 15 year old who gets sexually abused for years, and before that forced to "seduce" the king by her own father.

Alicent is far less ambitious, driven, consistent, and intelligent than bk!Alicent, and i refer esp to her in episodes 8-9 in the last three adjectives but you can kinda also trace it to at least the 2nd episode when she's peaking to Rhaenyra. On the whole, her ambition has also been easier to disguise as her desire for "peace" when it's really just the status quo so that she can feel that she's been part of a great exchange--her suffering for her higher place as a Queen. Could have been good in a sense, if only again, she had been intelligent.

So they really didn't make that much of an improvement on the "less/no-sexism" front, and I say this bc the transition from who alicent was to what we see in the show is where the sexist rationale lies [next paragraph]. And there is a reason why wicked stepmothers are still relevant...because women absolutely will turn on children or abuse them for power or to ensure their own children's survival, no woman was a feminist, and Alicent in the show ends up still harassing and abusing Rhaenyra anyway! Any and all tropes with female protagonists/antagonists in past stories and fairytales or myths can be sexist according to how it's handled. Finally, Rhaenyra is not a perfect example of an "innocent" princess in the traditional Wicked Stepmother trope because she has sex outside of marriage and she rides a dragon--dragons are usually positioned as one the side of "evil" in Western patriarchal tales.

Some argue that HotD's dynamic is better or better conveys the message of the story bc they think that this whole "women-are-peacemakers-for-war-mongering-violent-men" is itself not sexist [rhaenyragendereuphoria]. Bc it still denigrates ambitious women, or ambition and assertiveness in women, to make the implication that to be violent or just actively go after that which has been socially kept from you based on your gender is absolutely unethical. Or that this element has no ethical value in itself.

Espe when we see how Targ women have been sidelined & abused for years until the Targs lose their dragons--Rhaenyra's Syrax was very fertile during her happy years and though men can ride dragons, we tend to see more laying or more dragons/bigger dragons in the earlier part, more female-friendly part of Targ history when they were still in their process of assimilation--and lose their weapon against the Others until Dany reawakens them.

It undervalues how Rhaenyra was Alicent's victim and how she was a victim of green misogyny in her usurpation, how it is the greens' fault how there was ever a war in the first place, how they are the ones who would be willing to risk a war to obtain power and hypocritically upend "social order" by going against the King's word. To diminish this fact and to argue "two canons" or "unreliable sources" is also to argue that F&B is not a narrative framed with GRRM vs Gyldayn, and thus there IS a certain narrative through-line or truth aside from Gyldayn's purpose and to ignore how history treats women, how GRRM already describes what sort of person Rhaenrya is so you can rewrite her "ult-femme" pride into a much more apologetic, friendless persona.

Yes, GRRM is describing the horrid effects of war and how this particular war devastated the country...that doesn't mean that misogyny wasn't a defining element as to how that war happened or that defiance is a necessary thing to witness in a female character with the society we have in Westeros. This is itself another trope designed to make women bear the responsibility of a man's violence through bio-essentialism, even with Viserys & Jaehaerys not wanting war bc even Jaehaerys at many points was willing to use force to enforce his own will, authority, etc. whereas Viserys could have done well to put his foot down in certain times...why not Rhaenyra when she is forced to face the consequences of these two men's policies or actions?

This all goes for Alicent, too, why not TELL A HUMAN TRUTH and show how a woman determined to use patriarchal principles to uplift herself and her kids in a world where she'd expect to only have higher positions through marriage? She'd still be evil because she's directly mistreating and plotting against a child into her teenhood, but she'd be more understandable simultaneously. As it is, Alicent's fakeness in the show is more intolerable bc w/o Rhaenyra's fire the writing is constantly giving us the impression that Alicent had "good" reason to hate Rhaenyra for being herself or trying to gain a bit of agency. And it's in of itself a total lie on their parts, a bad-faith manipulation or a misunderstanding. That Rhaenyra' issue was her having "bastards", not the misogyny against her. The showrunners themselves have said how different Rhaanyra's kids look diff from Laenor, using the Velaryon's skin to "make it obvious" when that was never the actual concern or thing that mattered! to courtiers and to the scheming Alicent, yes, but not the philosophical core of this story!

Here is a reblog/post by @xenonwitch about how HotD is written in the male gaze and how Alicent ended up the way she is.

#alicent as the evil stepmother #asoiaf asks to me #hotd writing #hotd sexism #hotd male gaze #male gaze #rhaenicent #hotd ships #shipping #asoiaf shipping #alicent's characterization #fire and blood characters #hotd characterization

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archandshri · 4 months

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9th feb '24 - [arch] characters, interactions and emotion - making a mini webcomic

Gahhhh Shri this has been an absolutely crazy couple of weeks!!!! Hope you are doing well :)) First of all, WOW! You have a lot of goals, and I’m sure you’ll get them done! I’ve worked a lot on my graphic design during the process of making Winter Wellbeing. If you wanna see a blog post dedicated just to that, I can do so! It would be cool to compare notes on the approaches we take for graphic layouts. If you wanna share your knowledge of camera skills when you build that up that would be awesome 😭😭

It’s been a tough few weeks, art wise. I have been reflecting on my process, motivations to create, the ego and all the baggage that’s lumped into the creative process for me. It turns out there’s a lot. I took some space from my illustration practise (literally for a weekend!) and began to realise how dysfunctional it is. I’ve been writing a lot about that so there may be a larger piece of writing coming about that at some point (no promises!!)

But for now, let's talk about little successes!

I’ve been playing with some characters for a while but I’d hit a bit of a block with the plot. I realised the expectation of having a finished project of high quality soon is unrealistic, and an unhealthy expectation to put on myself. I rarely give myself time to play with concepts for a long time and let the characters, plot and interactions evolve naturally. Maybe this in part came from sticking to the short university module turnaround. I noticed that that short turnaround was causing a lot of block, so I have decided to bench it as a comic for now and focus on using it as a playground - falling in love with the characters, creating stories and drawing them for fun. Maybe years down the line I’ll make them into a comic - we shall see!

I *tried* to do hourly comics day this year and it didn’t quite work for me. I think I made 3 comics? And then got distracted with a bigger project that ended up taking a week or so to complete. Let’s have a look at it, shall we?

[you can find the full version here]

First of all, it’s based on an unfinished fanfiction I started a couple of months ago, which was mostly bad, but there was one nice scene that I liked and wanted to expand on. I started by having a look at the script I wrote and thumbnailing on the iPad. I’m away from home at the mo and usually would prefer to do most of my artwork traditionally, but because I don’t have access to a scanner, the whole process was digital this time. A lot of the pages got scrapped because the dialogue wasn’t necessary, and I’m not drawing pages that aren’t necessary.

some more development screenshots

I thought a lot about posing during the process, acting the scenes out in my mind and sometimes physically, really understanding the emotions of the characters, why they’re saying what they’re saying, their tone and how to convey that though their body language and expression (i find grian really annoying normally [affectionate] but I want this grian to step on me).

Pearl was hard with this because she’s quite erratic and unpredictable in this series, so I wanted her to switch from raw explodey anger to playful jabs at Grian. I’m hoping this comes across as somewhat insane, rather than tonally off and inconsistent. I did super enjoy drawing her and her explosive nature though, especially in comparison to Grian’s coldness.

I played with levels and monotone colour too - I’m not working with multiple colours much at the moment so I’m able to focus on things like values composition, characters and backgrounds. My skills limit the kind of stories I can tell currently, so I’m working to improve those foundations. Maybe when I’m back in the riso studio I can play with colours a little more.

Colours - despite the simple pallete it gets a bit nerdy here.I stuck to specific flat percentages for most of it - Pearl’s hair and Grians jumper are 60%, Grian’s hair and Pearl’s cloak are 20%. Then I added a 14% layer for shadows, using a ahrd blend eraser tool for highlights, making the images quite dark. I fill a layer with texture from Forystr’s riso brush for procreate, and turn it into a 40% opacity colour dodge layer. This gives it some much needed texture and makes the lighting feel low and nighttimecore. It also pushes the values to look really nice - I tend to be too scared to push them by myself.

I tried a few different colour layers to get a *vibe* but settled on a low percentage riso blue in a colour layer. All layers besides the riso blue are in a riso black, colour picked from a riso colour pallete. I learnt these tools - using percentages to get good values - from working with risograph. I really recommend having a look at these techniques and doing some monotone work. It's really improved by character designs, page layouts and compositions.

That's all from me today, though I have had MANY other thoughts over the past two weeks about creating, but perhaps we'll dive into them another time. If you (or anyone else) has any questions, hit me up with a reblog or an ask and I will get right to it. Lovely to hear from you! Hope your art is going great too :)) Arch :)

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luolands · 2 years

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Den Thelyss Canon

c2e57: You can see people of the drow populace sitting and reading and paying strange attention to you. Once again, it's hard not to draw attention when you guys pass by with one of the members of Den Thelyss.

Essek, c2e62: Most of my den live within the Lucid Bastion.

Essek, c2e57: The den was very kind to accept me for one as comparably young as myself. I'm only part way into my second century, so. Caleb: A great honor. Essek: It is. Anyway.

Essek, c2e62: There's three primary dens, and a dozen dens all together. Fjord: Biylan's not one of the main three, though? Essek: No. Thelyss is one.

Essek, c2e91: My mother's name is Deirta Thelyss, she is the Umavi of my den. Jester: Which den, Thelyss den? Essek: Den Thelyss, yes. One of the multitude of dens.. shall we sit?

EGtW: The three ruling Dens—Den Kryn, Den Thelyss, and Den Mirimm—are each helmed by an Umavi.

Essek, c2e91: Den Thelyss, they would like very much to see.. our nation.. established and respected? In the broader sense of the world.

Wrap-up: The only real bond Essek had before any of you was with him, growing up. Verin was the brother that kinda got him and they got along okay, in a family that Essek did not get along with at all, and was surrounded by people he didn't get along with.

Wrap-up: He'd been a solitary figure his whole life except for his relationship with his brother. He didn't get along with his parents. He didn't get along with most people in the Dynasty unless they helped him maintain and advance his position of power and influence, and so.. you guys fucked him up!

Wrap-up: As opposed to his brother, who's very much eschewed the Dynasty culture, and his parents were very deeply steeped in the culture. Verin rides the line where, he understands, why his brother is the way he is, but he also believes a lot in the Dynasty, and the faith that the Luxon and the whole idea gives.

Essek, c2e91: There is an expectation of advancement within the faith to be consecuted. I was lucky enough and privileged enough to be born within a den to where it was not questioned.

Essek, c2e91: You are guided by an Umavi through a soul binding process. It is extensive, it entails a bunch of spoken rites. It is usually observed by many individuals of various dens, especially if you belong to one. And often when you are consecuted, you are given a path to a den. The families are expansive.

EGtW: Each Den traditionally oversees a portion of local industry, but more distinguished Dens also vie for control over aspects of spiritual or military leadership.

Fjord, c2e57: What do we call you, just Shadowhand? Or is there another name you prefer? Essek: Shadowhand Essek Thelyss. Of Den Thelyss. Jester: Den Thelyss is, like, the most popular one. Nott: Sure, we know it well. That's one of the top three, is that right? Essek: It is indeed.

Leylas, c2e57: Your deed here is noted and what quarrel you have with Lythir here is seen as absolved in the eyes of us three dens.

Waccoh, c2e62: There'd be a period of time in approving of his presence to ensure that there isn't any sort of Empire interests or muck behind the history there. After which we'd have to go and get approvals from Den Thelyss.

Caleb, c2e91: And you are, forgive me, on your first life? Essek: Yes, I'm nearly the youngest of my den.

EGtW: Essek is both respected and feared for his intelligence and cunning, and he carefully plots each step he takes to further his and his Den's climb up the hierarchy of the dynasty.

EGtW: Verin Thelyss is the younger brother of Essek and the youngest soul of Den Thelyss. Recently given command of Kryn forces in Bazzoxan, Verin hopes to bring about a victory for the dynasty that will grant him respect and acceptance from his accomplished family.

Abrianna, c2e57: When one has proven their faith through word and deed, they are claimed by one of the ruling dens and taken to be soul bound to the Luxon through the consecution.

EGtW: Not all ruling Dens like the idea of introducing what they consider lesser creatures into the consecution, leading to tensions between the people of Rosohna and the scattered villages in the Xhorhasian wilds.

Beau, c2e91: What's the worst thing you've ever done? Essek: (laughs, sighs) I would say... anger my father to the point where... he went, unprepared, into the depths of Bazzoxan and didn't return.

EGtW: The ruling class of the dynasty is seated in Rosohna, spread across twelve noble Dens—all of whom seek to one day rule the dynasty. They play an intricate political game by expanding their families of timeless souls and covertly undermining the authority of other Dens.

EGtW: Den Masters keep a careful eye out for weakness among other Dens, seeking ways to sully the reputations of their rivals while displaying their own worthiness to the Bright Queen. Such social sabotage is reminiscent of the old ways of the drow, but assassinations and acts of outright violence are rare.

EGtW: The oldest Dens, especially those helmed by an Umavi, are held in the highest esteem, and generally answer directly to the Bright Queen. The older the soul, the more prestige it holds in the dynasty.

EGtW: Within the Lucid Bastion's halls, the Bright Queen, her trusted Umavi, and their Dens work to govern and protect all citizens of the Kryn Dynasty.

EGtW: Beneath the Dens of Rosohna, guilds and Den representatives govern the other cities of the dynasty that stretch across Xhorhas, spreading the faith of the Luxon and watching over all Xhorhasians who seek the safety of civilization.

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zhalfirin-binds · 4 months

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Edge colouring with acrylic paint

I was asked to go over my process for painting edges and I wanted to do a new one so I could take good pictures of the process. Alas, I don't have the time to do that at the moment so a quick write up with already existing pictures it is

These pictures only show the colouring of the top edge. Traditionally it's either the top edge or all edges that get coloured/decorated. Colouring the front edge of a rounded book comes with another set of challenges that I will not address here. (On the upside, colouring a straight front edge is just the same.)

The basic procedure is always the same though.

First up the book is set in a press. Trimming helps to get a more even surface and will help reducing the time one spends on sanding.

Prepping the bookblock I prep the bookblock and use some sturdy and not voluminous paper to cushion the bookblock between boards. A bonus on this is, the cushioning can adapt to the shape of the bookblock. As visible the pictures, these are from colouring the edge of book with shoulders (which means it has not only been rounded but also backed). By cushioning the bookblock I can protect the shoulders from being squashed by the boards when I apply pressure. The cushioning paper should also be larger than the book itself. Otherwise the pressure from clamping the edge tight can cause a smaller cushioning to leave marks on the bookblock. (btw paper from high gloss magazines is perfect, because it's very dense and will not be compressed/ reduce pressure on the bookblock)

Putting the book in the press For this you need a press that allows to have one side of the book (the one you're working on) point upwards. The paper is level with the edge, but the boards are a bit recessed (no more than 5mm). This is done to keep pressure on the bookblock without having to sand the boards at the same time. Also thinner bookblocks can quickly get sanded at an angle which is a) an aesthetic issue and b) causes trouble when taking the measurements for the case.

When the book sits tightly in the press (here the go to is, give it as much as you have! you want those pages so tight no water is seeping in and causes bleed! Sometimes paper quality is lacking though and it can't be avoided.)

Sanding the edge Sanding is, in my experience, the one of the crucial parts of edge colouring. A smooth edge will lead to an even result and removes one possible cause for flaking (there are more though). Even my trimmed books usually have a mark from the blade when trimming and to get an even looking result those need to go. I sand in different grits, starting with a 120 sandpaper wrapped around a block of cork or another tool for holding the paper. I go no lower than than to avoid getting even deeper groves than there still are. Then I follow up with 180, 240 and 320 paper. Usually that's enough to get a glossy sheen on the edge. (different book but you can see that gloss and the part I still had to go over in the pictures below)

Once they have that sheen...

DO NOT TOUCH THE EDGE!

I know it's hard. The temptation to just run the fingers over them great. They look so smooth and shiny. Almost silken to the touch... and they are... but I repeat YOU MUST NOT TOUCH!

The oils on your skin can interfere with a good result. Especially water based colours may not stick as well to the areas touched as others, glues and foils do not adhere as well, stuff like that. Applying colour When the book is in the press it's not removed or pressure reduced before the edge decoration is done. For the colour shift acrylic paints it's essential to get a dark foundation. Otherwise the colour will not show! I've done this with ink.

(This was really rushed and not neat at all, don't aim for a look like that! All the darker parts show where I did not have a smooth surface yet. Even the cutting marks from trimming are till visible.)

In my experience working with acrylic paints is more forgiving to laziness when sanding than inks. At least when it comes to even coverage in the end, possible flaking is a different matter.

The colourshift acrylic paint was way more liquid than the ones I'm familiar with, still they needed diluting (a first go with undiluted colour resulted in severe flaking). For the ratio on how to dilute I can't give measurements. I think I ended up with a rather thin colour and did several passes until I was satisfied with the colourshift effect.

No matter what coat is applied I use a soft brush that is wider than the bookblock to cover all at once and avoid to obvious streaks. The direction of brushing is from spine area to the front. I try to get the whole edge covered in 1 motion. To avoid colour seeping down the front edge I lift the brush towards the end so there's less pressure pushing a bit of colour ahead of the brush and spilling down the front edge. (I'm still working on that part, different paints behave differently, but that's the ideal to aim for.)

Now all to do is wait until the colour is completely dry. Which is rather fast with acrylics but takes a bit longer with ink. That step can be speed up a bit with a hairdryer on low heat and from a distance to allow the colour to dry evenly and then the book can be taken out of the press.

I've seen different approaches to separate the edges. Mine is a gentle wave motion. Holding on to the books spine and front and just twisting it and pushing the pages so they move against each other.

If all went well there's a rewarding crackle and no colour flakes off. If colour flakes off, it's back to square one, sanding until all is clean and smooth, colouring, drying and separating (and hoping this time all goes well).

As a reference for the colourshift paints I used, I did a test sheet for the chameleon colours. So here's a dot of the same colour on white paper as the stripes under or next to it on the black and also slightly different angles to show the colourshift (sadly it photographs really bad on flat surfaces)

#bookbinding #colouring edges #colourshift acrylic paints #edge decoration #I should write about my experiences with different types of colours when colouring edges some time #don't trust me when I say 'quick write up'#apparently I lie XD

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cringecompanionapologist · 7 months

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Because I'm Bored: Doctors 1-13 Ordered from "Most Human" to "Most Alien"

So, some incarnations of the Doctor seem more "human" than others. Factoring vibes, aesthetic, social skills, emotional connection to companions, and then just shrugging and picking an order that makes sense, here goes:

Short Version, from most human to most alien: 1, 3, 5, 10, 9, 12, 6, 8, 2, 13, 7, 11, 4

(Very) Long Version:

Here There Be Spoilers for multiple Doctor Who Stories, the most recent of them being from Series 12 (and I'm not sure if the bit I'm talking about counts as a spoiler since it's just a thing that happens in the episode). Also this really got away from me and there are quite a few tangents in there. And because it's so long and it's very late I didn't really edit it, so I hope it's at least mostly coherent.

Most "Human"

Okay, this could be defined in a lot of ways, but based on my own definitions:

One:

The Doctor wasn't originally intended to be an alien, just an eccentric human from the future. So One isn't very "wacky". His cloths are a sort of vaguely Victorian/Edwardian normal. Because of Hartnell's age and health, he usually isn't very high energy. He's curious and mysterious, but if you didn't know from future reveals, you might not think he's a literal space alien.

Three:

This one was almost a tie. Three was the first incarnation to be established as an alien from his first story, and because he was written as an alien, he's more alien than an incarnation mainly written as a human. But, he usually comes across more like an eccentric professor with little regard for rules and regulations.

The UNIT Era setting might be a part of this. You take time travel from a Time Lord and what you've got left his a lord. He's an aristocrat who's fallen on hard times and had to get a job and is grumpy about it.

Five:

Five is one of the more cautious Doctors. He's aware of how his curiosity can get the better of him and sometimes tries to reign it in. He can also pass as human very easily. In Black Orchid, he fits perfectly into the setting, a costume party/cricket match in the 1920s. He is very traditionally British, and the British are almost definitely humans.

Five has more alien companions than most incarnations, which means that the ways in which he's alien don't stand out as much. He's been traveling the universe for centuries and he loves Earth, so he's picked up on a lot of human stuff. Adric and Nyssa are much younger and much more sheltered, so they're the alien fish out of water. Turlough has a bit more experience with humanity, but he hated it and is quite proud of being an alien to these people, actually. So, the Doctor blends into Earth surroundings while his companions either have no idea what's going on or are actively protesting it.

But, Fivey's still a space alien. He's still eccentric, and somewhat socially awkward. He misses social cues and tends to deal with emotions by avoiding them. Adric just died? Sadness is happening? Well, he doesn't know how to process and express that emotion while also comforting two people who are also feeling that emotion. So, he basically tells them to stop grieving and get back to the plot. He still feels emotions, of course, but he tries to ditch them whenever possible.

Ten:

He's often thought of as the most human Doctor. He's got quite an emotional range and can connect with humans very well. But, a thing with Ten isn't that he's the most human, but more that he most wants to be human. The Time Lords are dead because he killed them and humans are his adoptive species. But he can never truly be one of them. That's one of the many tragedies of the Tenth Doctor.

Ten is more overtly quirky than the Doctors listed before him. He talks a mile a minute, he's easily distracted, and he can say some very silly things. He's the guy who gave as "wibbly wobbly timey wimey". He's the first Doctor on this little list to regularly seem too weird to pass for human, though he still can when he's really committed to it.

Nine:

I honestly wasn't sure where to put him. He has a less quirky appearance than most Doctors, with his leather jacket not being out of place in a modern setting.

But, he's still very quirky with an added element of being unstable and more emotionally distant than Ten. He's a bit more cynical about the universe, having just come out of a war.

Honestly, 9 and 10 sort of tie. They're both human and alien to around the same degree in different ways.

Twelve:

Twelve changes a lot throughout his run, so it was hard putting him in one spot. He has the darker edges of Nine, but those soften over time and he becomes your silly professor who was in a band in the 70s.

So, in Series 8, he's a grumpy space grandpa. The first to point out that he's an alien. By Series 10, he's hung out on Earth for a while and lightened about. Strangely, he feels more human when he's being silly than when he's being serious.

There's also the added element of Moffatisms, which aren't exclusive to Moffat, but they are elements of the show that became more prominent around 2010. The Moffat Era had the Doctor as more genuinely socially awkward than before and more likely to view that as a problem. It feels like the bit where the Doctor's an alien but he's spent centuries around humans so he knows the basics at least was sorta lost.

Even though I called this a Moffatism, this trend only became more noticeable after Moffat left. We'll get there when we get there.

Six:

The only reason Six isn't higher on the alien scale is his darker, more violent edge. It doesn't feel very alien. But, Six is probably the most alien-looking Doctor.

Six is great at pissing people off, sometimes on purpose and sometimes not. But, even in the TV episodes that usually had weak scripts, you could still see how much he cared.

When I think of the Doctor being socially awkward, I often think of The Mysterious Planet, of all stories. Basically, Peri has a bit of an existential crisis over realizing that she's on a far future Earth and that Earth won't last forever. Six has a little speech about how everything ends at some point. It's not very comforting, but you can tell from his tone that he intended it to be. As a centuries-old time traveller, the fact that everything ends isn't quite that big a deal. You can just go back in time to before the world ended. But Peri, though she's been traveling with the Doctor for a while, is still a regular human from 1984, of a single time and place where time travel doesn't exist. So when something ends, that's it. The Doctor understands that Peri is upset and he wants to comfort her, but he doesn't understand her feelings enough to succeed at it. It's a great little moment from one of the more "meh" stories of the era.

So, there's the Doctor being an alien depicted in a slightly more subtle way, underneath the loud technicolor dream coat.

Eight:

A while ago, I made a post that sorted the Doctors into three loose categories. One of them was called something like Wacky, Zany, Silly, Fun-Time War Criminal. All the Doctors I'll talk about as the most alien are in that category. Eight is the most alien incarnation to not be in that category. Eight is a romantic, heroic type, who also happens to basically be a puppy with the zoomies for whatever parts of the TV Movie he doesn't have amnesia in.

I haven't seen a lot of Eight, so I don't have much else to say. He gets more seriously later on, because of the Time War and several companions dying. There's also a difference between the Eight Doctor Adventure novels and the Big Finish audios. Big Finish is where a lot of the "Eight gets more serious" arc happens. Both series have the overall plot of "the puppy is kicked repeatedly by absolutely everything". The EDA Doctor is traumatized by it and that's another thing that triggers an amnesia arc, but he remains upbeat when he isn't suffering The Horrors. BF Eight grows more cynical over time.

Two:

The Most Human of the Most Alien. He's very silly and very energetic. He plays the recorder and behaves in a way that often feels half-child/half-grandma. He's the template that all the other Wack, Zany, Fun-Time alien Doctors are built from.

So why's he the most human of that category?

Two actually has a unique skill. Though many incarnations of the Doctor can be manipulative, or use their understanding of people to accomplish their goals, Two is the most socially intelligent Doctor. He acts silly because he likes being silly, for the most part. People underestimate him, which can be useful. But, his more serious moments show a side to him that, though he doesn't act like a normal human, he understands humans, as individuals and as a species, very well.

Compare that scene from The Mysterious Planet I mentioned earlier to The Tomb of the Cybermen. Victoria is a knew companion who only became a companion because she'd otherwise have been stranded on Skaro. She's also just become an orphan. The Daleks killed her father. So, though she's trying her best, she's obviously not doing very well. The story stops for a moment and the Doctor talks to Victoria and what he says actually comforts her. While Six couldn't understand Peri's existential crisis, Two can understand grief, losing family, and being forced to leave home. So, he's able to emotionally connect with Victoria in a way Six couldn't with Peri, even though he wanted to.

Two's emotional intelligence gives him a strong human side, or at least a side that can relate to humanity.

Thirteen:

She's quirky. Very, very quirky. She has no attention span and often just does things. Chibnall takes the Moffat Era social awkwardness even further. Thirteen is self-aware and obviously insecure about not relating to her companions socially. She's also one of the more secretive incarnations, so she sometimes just refuses to connect with her companions, but even when she wants to connect with them, it often feels like there's a barrier between them.

Some of this is, at least as I perceive it, the result of consistent writing problems. Basically every writer of this era had difficulty distributing lines between the three companions and making sure everyone had something to do. Unless the plot had stopped for the characters to talk about their feelings, the companions tended to all fall into the stock "what's happening, Doctor?" role. I get the feeling that people who like these characters, and there are people who love these characters, love them for the fleeting moments when they get to be characters, when there's nothing else going on. Yaz stands out when she's talking to the Doctor on the beach, trying to sort out romantic feelings, but not when she's one of three companions in the middle of some Alien Bullshit.

But, you often don't get the "what's happening, Doctor?" Many scenes of exposition involve the Thirteenth Doctor thinking aloud, asking herself questions and answering her own questions, while three other people just stand there and wait to be addressed. Of course the Doctor is going to seem distant from her companions when she's talking to herself most of the time they're around.

Thirteen's social awkwardness actually led to a somewhat infamous moment in Can You Here Me, where Graham talks about having cancer and his fear that it might come back someday...and the Doctor straight up admits to being too socially awkward to know what to say in this situation and there's a complete tonal whiplash from Graham's serious talk about cancer to a "Doctor is socially awkward" joke, as if the seen was getting to heavy and the writer was desperate to change the subject.

A lot of people complained about this and the defense basically amounted to "It's not that the Doctor doesn't care about Graham. She just doesn't always know what to say.". My problem with it isn't that she didn't know what to say, but that she didn't try. Again with The Mysterious Planet. Six was also socially awkward and didn't know what to say to comfort his companion, but he tried. It didn't work, but he tried. And there wasn't a tonal whiplash, since Six not understanding why Peri's upset wasn't being playing as a joke. Thirteen can be socially awkward. She can admit to being socially awkward. But, what you had in that scene with Graham was a poorly timed joke that, because the show tried to lighten the mood, made it feel like Thirteen wasn't taking things seriously. That clearly wasn't the intent, but that's what felt so wrong to so many people.

So, she's about as far from Two as you can get in terms of social skills.

But, the fact that she is so self-aware, insecure in a way that previous incarnations weren't, feels like a very human trait. So despite everything I've had to say, she's still just shy of the top three.

Eleven

Quirky Moffatisms at full force. He is silly, acts like a child, comes with several wacky catchphrases, and sales of bowties in the real world increased about he said they were cool. That was supposed to be weird but the world changed for him.

Eleven is better at connecting to his companions than Thirteen, so I wasn't quite sure which to put first, but Eleven has more in common with the two I haven't gotten to yet. Thirteen didn't really have the confidence to pull of the "angry god" thing that some incarnations, especially in the the new series, sometimes do. She had her lapses in sanity and could be downright cruel during those lapses but it felt more like "the Doctor is having a bad day" than "Do Not Piss Off This Eldritch Horror". When Eleven snapped, it felt like the Wrath of God. No human could really do that.

There's a reason I call this one category of Doctor the Wacky, Zany, Fun-Time War Criminal. They're the silliest Doctors, but also the ones that are the scariest when angry.

Eleven is heavily inspired by Two, but I also tend to see him as combining traits of Seven and Ten. He's high energy and high intensity like Ten.

As for Seven, who was also based on Two, well, there are Eleventh Doctor moments that are basically their own versions of Second and Seventh Doctor moments. Victory of the Daleks has the "Daleks pretend to serve humanity to win their trust so they can take over" lifted from The Power of the Daleks, but while Two was scared of the Daleks, Eleven was enraged. In Two's case, it was because this was his first story. One rarely expressed fear quite this openly, which made it clear that 1. Two is different from One and 2. Daleks are serious business. For Eleven, it was something of a rehash of Nine torturing a Dalek in Dalek. Victory of the Daleks is made up of little moments stolen from better stories.

However, a deliberately similar moment isn't necessarily stolen. Sometimes, it creates another opportunity to compare and contrast. So, let's talk about Seven.

Seven

He's got all the clownish behavior of Two and Eleven, but he comes across as more alien from his tendency to act like a supervillain from time to time. It's all part of the plan and sometimes he screws his friends over along the way. Of course he still cares. Ace is still his Space Daughter. But, sometimes sacrifices have to be made to save the universe...

So, we did a Two vs. Six. vs. Thirteen on the subject of Comforting Companions. Now it's Two vs. Seven. Eleven in Betraying Companions.

Okay, not really. But the companions are made to feel betrayed, whatever the intentions behind it were.

The obvious two to compare are The Curse of Fenric and The God Complex. This is one of the more obvious "new who just does a classic scene" moments. Both stories have a reoccurring theme of faith, which has an effect on the Monster of the Week. The Curse of Fenric has one of the many varieties of Doctor Who Vampire that are repelled by faith. It turns out that the sign of the cross only worked on vampires because it was used by devout Christians. Any sort of faith works. A Soviet soldier repels vampires with a hammer and sickle badge because of his faith in Communism. The Doctor starts listing the names of past companions to repel them because he has faith in his friends.

Jumping over to The God Complex, we have a sort of Minotaur thing that eats faith. There's this weird prison hotel thing where people are shown their worst fears. Everyone has a room with a fear in it. Except for Rory. He's experienced all the Horrors and came back from the dead so many times that he doesn't care anymore. People who have some sort of faith tend to think of that faith when scared for their lives. So, the fear leads to faith, the Minotaur converts that faith into worship of the Minotaur and then it kills people.

The Doctor, Amy, and Rory end up in the prison hotel with a group of other random people. There's a gambler who believes in luck, a conspiracy theorist, a Tivolian, who are a culture of strategic cowardice, and his faith in his oppressors oppressing him, and a sane woman who is a devout Muslim. They all get picked off one by one.

Then we have the companions. Eleven has two with him, but Rory just kind of hangs back for this one. You have Ace and Amy. A names are apparently unlucky.

As companions who jumped at the chance to be companions, Ace and Amy have faith in the Doctor. In The Curse of Fenric, you'd think this would be a good thing, since it keeps the vampires away, but because of Reasons it becomes necessary to turn the faith off to save the universe. In Amy's case, her faith is putting her at risk of getting eaten by a minotaur.

So, the Doctor has to break his companion's faith in him.

But I also mentioned Two, so let's derail things even further to talk about The Evil of the Daleks. It's not as direct of a comparison, but I want to bring it up because the Doctor betrays a companion's trust and challenges his faith in him. In this case, it's Jamie. The Doctor tricks him into taking part in a Dalek experiment to discover the Human Factor, all the things that make humans special, so they can understand the people who keep beating them.

The Evil of the Daleks softens the blow. We see the build-up to the Dalek experiment from the Doctor's perspective. The Daleks demand that Jamie be used in the experiment. The Doctor asks why it has to be him and not some other human. The Daleks say that traveling in time makes Jamie unique. The Doctor asks why they can't just to the experiment on him, and since a later plot point in this serial is dependent on the Doctor NOT being human, I'm going to just say he was lying here. The Doctor's traveled in time too much, apparently.

So, the Doctor did everything he could to keep Jamie out of it, including lying to put his own life on the line. This was an absolute last resort and the Doctor tries to make the most of.

But, Jamie wasn't present for any of this, so all he knows is that the Doctor put his life on the line working with the bad guys.

So, it's not quite the same as the later Faith Breaking stories. The Evil of the Daleks feels more like a misunderstanding.

So we go back to Seven and Eleven. Seven breaks Ace's faith by claiming not to care about her, that he was just using her this whole time, and that he doesn't care if she dies. It's absolutely brutal. With Eleven, it's more about recklessness and incompetence. He failed to protect Amy. He let her down. He put her in danger knowingly, because he likes having companions and he cares more about having their company than about their safety. He keeps talking people into running off with him to see the universe, only for terrible things to happen because it wasn't safe. The Doctor knows it isn't safe, but he just can't stop endangering people's lives. It's more complicated, a deconstruction of the Doctor/Companion dynamic, but it seems like a last minute confession, like the Doctor is breaking down in the face of losing another companion. In the end, he did deliberately say what he needed to to break Amy's faith, but it doesn't seem quite so cold.

Eleven doesn't usually have master plans. He's just willing to get very dark in certain situations. Seven plans ahead, so you can't know just how long he was planning to emotionally destroy the teenager he sort of adopted. That also adds to the brutality. Ace's faith in the Doctor is more like a child's faith in a parent. Eleven was Amy's imaginary friend who turned out to be real, so it's a more abstract faith.

Okay, I've gone on an on and on about so many things. Let's wrap this up.

Four

Four is big and loud. His hair, his eyes, his teeth, his impressively long scarf...You can't not pay attention to him. He looks a bit silly, but he can also be a little intimidating. You have all the quirkiness of the Doctors we already mentioned, but with an added sense of authority. Everywhere he shows up, he just sort of takes over. Two and Seven will just blend into places at times, put Four doesn't need to. He walks in, offers people jelly babies, and starts asking about what's going on. People tell him. It's refuge in audacity. People are too confused to even ask questions and they just start following along.

If you take the idea of a renegade Time Lord: There's a powerful species of aliens and this one went rogue to travel the universe and help people, Four perfectly fits. He's authoritative, like you'd expect a powerful person to be, weird and distant from humans, as you'd expect an alien to be, and chaotic, like you'd expect someone acting in defiance of the ultimate Lawful Neutral Bordering on Evil.

Four is alien in a very specific way that might be the entire show, so yeah, he's the Most Alien Doctor.

This thing's really fucking long I'm sorry...

#all the doctors #first doctor #second doctor #third doctor #fourth doctor #fifth doctor #sixth doctor #seventh doctor #eighth doctor #ninth doctor #tenth doctor #eleventh doctor #twelfth doctor #thirteenth doctor #the essay to end all essays #i think there are like four completely different essays dropped into the middle of this #and yes i realize that i can't sound normal when talking about four #i have no idea why that is #i haven't even seen that much of him

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