#That was kinda fucking gay of you bee
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You ever lean into your enemy and give them a seductive smile as you handcuff them just to roundhouse them in the face because Bumblebee has
#Finally finishing up rid#That was kinda fucking gay of you bee#rid15#tf rid15#What is there ship name?#Steelbee#Look I don't ship it with any ounce of seriousness but you gotta admit they have their ✨moments✨
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HAPPY BIRTHDAYYY may this day bring u a great deal of joy (and tuvoks!)
Thank you!!! Here's a Neelix for ya. This was drawn while I thought repeatedly about that scene where Neelix said he researched Vulcan holidays and specifically brought up the one where people got all oiled up and chased each other around only for Tuvok to go "That's a pagan holiday" and Neelix replied "It'd be good for morale."
#Neelix: -scrolling through Vulcan holidays- mhm mhm mhm.... -gets to the one that has the maximum hedonistic sex potential- Oh ho ho!!!!#Neelix !!!! Take off those busted ass sneaks Tuvok is losing your number as we speak!!! Neelix nooo!!!#Neelix & Tuvok have phone calls which open with 'this won't take long' or 'one quick question' and last an hour#(Opening) Tuvok: If I may? I have a question about this planet's currency. / Neelix: Oh no problem Mr. Vulcan~!#(Ending) Neelix: -reading through so many laws- WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE!??!? / Tuvok: -dodging phaser fire- Fuck You.#Q&A#smilesobrien#I hope you have a very good day as well!!!#bee doodles#Neelix#Neelix & Tom are both guys who would literally have gay sex and somehow call it 'just bro things'#Only Tom is angsting about it and Neelix is just kinda chilling#Harry and Tuvok are NOT attending#Neelix: Voyager's crew should have an orgy. It'd do WONDERS for morale!!
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So apparently I'm really good at drawing Hunter and now I want to post my doodle dump-
#artists on tumblr#bee speaks#toh#the owl house#hunter toh#hunter wittebane#hunter clawthorne#HUEHEHEU I LOVE THAT TAG#anyways would anyone be interested???#hunter is my new poor little meow meow and i relate to him on a spiritual level#Luz too (especially in that episode where whe talks to Amity about her dad)#(i do that same thing every year)#uh but aside from that#i cant wait for s3 shshfjgk#kinda upset it was cut short though 🤬#fuck you disney#anyway#i drew like 6 hunters while watching Dana's be gay do witchcraft stream (and i actually am currently still doing so)#so id like to post em dhfshjfky#bee's toh tag#YEP ITS AN OFFICIAL TAG HERE NOW MUAHAHAHAGA
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lesbian movies I've seen so far (review based on my tastes)
I'm going to give my opinion of the lesbian movies I've seen so far and I'm going to give them a score from 1 to 5 stars :3 it may contain some spoilers
Bound(1996)
For the year this movie was made, I was actually surprised by the END of it(fuck the obsession with killing the protagonist). I didn’t really have much faith in it by how it stars, but man, I was so surprised, I loved it, be gay do crime. ★★★★☆
Gia(1998)
God, this movie is my new roman empire, I didn’t know about Gia’s story, but the ending of the movie DESTROYED ME. the scene where shes talking with Linda and she says: now we have all the time in the world, I was so moved by it, I loved it. It’s currently one of my favorite movies.★★★★★
Lost and delirious(2001)
ugh shakespearean shit, this movie touches more than one of us when it comes to the experience of liking girls. I liked it but I felt like there was a lot of wasted potential that could’ve made it great, tbh i just wanted Paulie to be happy; the fact the Piper Perabo is in it helps the score too. ★★★☆☆
D.E.B.S.(2004)
ITS THE BEST FUCKING MOVIE IN THE WORLD, GOD. I actually hated this movie before watching it ‘cause I thought it was some dumb comedy, but god, when I gave it a chance it BLEW ME AWAY. If you want to see some lesbian spies enemies to lovers shit watch debs. ★★★★★
My summer of love(2004)
Personally, I HATED this movie kjj, I didn’t really get ANYTHING at all, like it felt like everything was just too rushed??? like when did they even fall in love lol? Gets points just for Emily Blunt. ★★☆☆☆
Imagine me & you(2005)
Piper Perabo again and Lena Heady THE WOMAN. This movie is ART, my fav movie, it’s beautiful, comfort movie af. The true don’t let your husband keep you from meeting your future wife. ★★★★★
Loving Annabelle(2006)
This movie was made for all of us who once liked a teacher or profesor. I liked it quite a lot, but I feel like seize it’s true potential. Personally, I choose to think that the alternative ending it’s the true one lol. ★★★☆☆
Bloomington(2010)
Again for us that like fantasizing about our teachers. I like this movie but again, I feel like they didn’t really make the most of it jskdja annoying af bitching about the same but yeah, it bothered me. Anyway, i liked the movie, and I didn’t like the ending at all,I felt bad for the poor teacher :c. ★★★☆☆
A perfect ending(2012)
I know a lot of people hate this movie and think it’s shit, but I personally love it lol. Idk I remember that when I watched it it got me super emotional and i liked it a lot, dont care what anyone says to me it’s a good movie. ★★★☆☆
The girl king(2015)
★☆☆☆☆
Didn’t like it at all, boring af, i didn’t really get it, idk, i was expecting more. ★☆☆☆☆
First girl i loved(2016)
Im fond of this movie, it was one of the first ones I saw, the ending just made a me a bit frustrated, but I liked it, Brianna Hildebrand with a wig funny as hell. ★★★☆☆
Disobedience(2017)
Rachel Weisz and McAdams DAMN. Great movie, I liked it in all aspects. Although the ending wasn’t what I expected I still liked it. ★★★★★
Tell it to the bees(2018)
Mmm I think this movie is kinda meh, like it’s okay but I feel like it lacks something for me to like it, tho I didn’t get the ending, like I don’t understand the decisions each one took. ★★☆☆☆
Ammonite(2020)
Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan!!!! I liked it but I didn’t love it, I never got to understand if Mary hated or loved Charlotte. The ending got me frustrated!!! ★★★☆☆
Crush(2022)
The kind of movie you gotta watch after Gia, I liked it I thought it was silly, like very much teenage romcom sort of shit, like the Kissing Booth but for lesbians. ★★★☆☆
You can live forever(2022)
I think this is a great movie, interesting story, I wasn’t expecting the whole ending sequence, what Marike says to Jamie destroyed me, in my head theyre the young version of the Disobedience ones. ★★★★★
Booksmart(2019)
GREAT MOVIE, very entertaining and funny, I liked it quite a lot, it’s perfect to watch it with friends. Gigi is just like me fr best character ever. ★★★★★
#wlw#sapphic#lesbianism#movies#wlw movies#lgbtq community#lgbtq#queer#queer community#lesbian#woman#booksmart#bound#gia#rachel weisz#rachel mcadams#saoirse ronan#kate winslet#piper perabo#rowan blanchard#angelina jolie#debs 2004
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top kishibe hcs with amab reade. pleas.😅
domtop kishibe w subbot male reader hcs,,, nsfw
ㅡbro... imagining this dude as gay after pining after a lesbian woman is a lil funny to me,,, kishibe forming a crush on his lil 'busy-bee' assigned to division 1 - he in his 50s, and you in your mid 20s... what a surprise right ??? to be put in division 1, and not 4 with the other youngsters? you must have defined skill - like really. why the fuck else would you be put in division 1 a lil late, huh??? makima meddling with your love lives.. and so, your strained awkward relationship with the older man slowly, wordlessly kinda progresses to an unspoken relationship... like, you're most definitely his and so not allowed to flirt w anyone else and he's yours, so not gonna flirt w anyone else,,,
ㅡi keep mentioning but its just diff scenarios, shh. but ,, grabby kishibe. feel like if you got any sort of chub, chest / arms / tummy, he'd be groping at that shit,,, cant stop imagining kishibe in upright doggy style. bro humping into you from behind and groping at ur flesh n jerking you off ,,, hnngh
ㅡi love imagining old dudes w liekk,, mild feminization,,. kishibe w his boyfriend - you, telling him he's so pretty and hes so lucky he has such a gorgeous boy of his bouncing on his cock because it makes him feel like such a man,,, gripping yr hips and gently guiding you up and down, mumbling praises in that gruff ass voice that make your core all tingly n tense up,,
ㅡkishibe being a dirty old man n huffing a pair of ur underwear stashed away in his pocket dirty w ur cum...,,,, i wanna say he wouldnt be able to do it too much cuz he might get hard but he's a guy who knows how to hold himself back from doing so. so,,, imagining kishibe inhaling a pair of ur underwear before taking a hefty swig of his flask. Errmm pervert.
ㅡor ,,, calling your hole a pussy,,, saying that ur so tight, must be cause you like him so much as he fucks into you,,,. egotistical n a lil arrogant! maybe,, him saying something about how you have such a big dickㅡnot as big as hisㅡbut you clearly dont know how to use it,, gently taking it in hand and jerking you off as he pumps in n out. bro taking advatange of ur age difference and at times treating you a little stupid just to make fun of you ,, just a lil,,,
ㅡimagine he's pretty big on cockwarming,,, since he is gettng up there in age n all, might not be able to get it up and all... so in either hole, mainly mouth... knees supported by a pillow,, his prick laying on your tongue, your head buried inbetween his legs without complaint and nearly dozing off with the comfort of his dick and scent of his sex filling your brain. at his desk, his little office in his home... fiddling with his computer, absentmindedly petting your head while you softly suck at his soft prick,, yeah,,,
ㅡkishibe unintentionally being all touchy i feel like. ,,, hugging you from behind or having a firm grip on ur shoulder as he leads you or merely walking next to you some place. acts of service as love language. Mayhaps.
ㅡalso having to chill w him while hes drunk. heavyweight getting drunk and you having to soothe him and letting him be all uncomfortably touchy w you wordlessly.,, he's a mature, pretty straightforward guy,,, but i love imagining him being all perverted n shit ,,, holding your hand and guiding it to his groin but sternly saying no ur not gonna do shit with him while hes drunk and ur coherent but then it ends up with him grumbling in the nape of your neck while humping against ur ass. yeah.
bro .,, makes me so shy,,
#csm =͟͟͞͞★#x male reader#male reader#sub male reader#bottom male reader#csm kishibe x male reader#csm x m reader
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hey bestie -
https://twitter.com/anan91186/status/1711376017745653848?t=RdRHuZ2otifU5Kstcdmn3g&s=19
any thoughts abt this? 😇
i hate her so bad HER SMIRK... HER HAND... I THINK SHE SHOULD DO THAT TO ME— and i'm making yuj g!p here bcs come on... ya'll know why. sorry if this dragged on i'm kinda obsessed... this might as well have been a fic 😭
hhdhhsdjxn being the dancer that's paired up with her and you're so shyyy bcs how could you not? ☹️ ahn yujin was so much prettier up close, and the thought of her putting her hands on you really just got your mind reeling... so much so that you ended up spacing out in the middle of practice bcs you were thinking of a lot of things and got scolded by the choreographer, which yujin witnessed when she took a walk out of the room and saw you pitifully standing in front of the choreographer with your head down,,, apologizing to yujin about the whole thing and promising her that you will not fuck up starting from now, and she was so nice about it!
yujinnie offering to practice with you more after everybody was gone,, you insisted that she should rest up so she could have energy for tomorrow's practice but this girl was so persistent—she didn't want to leave you alone 😳 "ghosts walk around here at night, unnie, did you know that?" she teased while poking your sides, smiling widely at the way you froze up at the thought she's so 😭 she's silly but she gets all serious once the music started! and you work so well together too, the two of you just overflowing with charisma and chemistry 🫣🫣
"yujin-ah, if you hold me so gently like that, nobody's going to be convinced that you're in control of me." you joked bcs yujin has her hand wrapped around your neck, but really she was just touching it, no grip whatsoever 😭 yujin's gay ass blushing, but you don't notice bcs she covers it up with an awkward laugh, "aha, well... how tight should i...?" she asks, pulling on the sleeves of her sweater nervously,,, taking her hand and putting it around your neck again, "let's see what looks best! go on." you were saying with a smile?? yujin didn't know whether to think you were insane or just purely oblivious 😭
"g-go...?" yujin was so nervous??? she was pretty sure she had the 'upper hand' earlier, what happened??
you tilted your head, smiling innocently at yujin before saying the words that made her knees turn to jelly. "choke me, yujin." seriously, what the fuck happened????? regardless, and despite her flustered state, yujin does what she was told! she tightens her grip on your neck, albeit slightly. you nod at her, telling her to continue on. she does it again, and now it was getting difficult to breathe.
yujin had to admit that you breathing heavily while clutching the sleeve of her sweater was a major turn on,, her eyes darken the longer her hand was on your neck, she so loved that sick look in your eyes that told her that you were into this entire thing too,, she suddenly pulls you closer?? her face so close to yours, eyes scanning every feature in your face, and yujin was so sure that she was going to kiss you... until you started tapping on her wrist. and then she goes back to sweet baby mode and releases your neck from her grip, "are you okay, unnie?" she was very worried :(((
"y-yeah! that was really good, yujin-ah." you turned back to the mirrors in an attempt to hide your red face,,, but it really was too late bcs yujin already knew you liked all of that 😭 restarting the music and still working amazingly together despite the awkwardness that now settled in the air, and then comes that part... which yujin somehow messed up?? so you had to do it all over again, and again, and again... eventually, it was getting tiring 🫢 but neither of you were going to give up!!
getting to that part again and oh.. yujin's thoughts got the best of her,, and it didn't help that you looked way too good in your crop top so she ended up getting way too into the choking part,, her grip was the tightest it's ever been and fuck she looked so hot looking down at you like you were some kind of inferior thing she can just toy with 😵💫 you let her pull you close enough to her face again, her breath fanning your face and her eyes so fucking focused on your lips,, but see... you didn't want to stir up trouble at such a time so you tapped out again,, "i think we got this part down, yujin-ah." you said with a forced smile,, christ you wanted her so bad,,
"u-um..." yujin fiddles with the hem of her sweater awkwardly,, she was so different from the girl you saw merely seconds ago?? and for what reason?? guess you'll never know bcs she bolted out of the practice room without a single word, leaving you confused,,,
little did you know, poor yujin ran to a small empty room to take care of her little problem! you, her sweet and lovely (y/n)-unnie, proved to be too much of a cute thing to her gay little brain so of course... she got a boner while choking you 🫣🫣 reaching down to try and jerk herself off as quickly as she could bcs she never rlly learned to calm herself down without masturbating until she got a sick ass thought before she could touch her dick underneath her boxers 👀 you were the one who did this to her, so you should be the one to help her out right??
yujinnie making her way back to the practice room with a clouded mind 🫣 the only thought occupying her brain is fucking you until your knees were weak... and the want only intensified when she saw you stretching on the floor of the room,, you immediately smile at yujin upon seeing her and stood up. "there you are! i was wondering if you went home without me... should we pack it up?" you asked, approaching her and oh you looked so cute :((( with your smile, your soft eyes, and the pure excitement in your voice... yujin couldn't wait to ruin you 🫢
your bag being close to the wall... and yujin backhugs you as you stood up,, "yujin-ah?" you asked with a laugh,, you could feel her dick poking your ass but you didn't want to comment on it bcs it's not like you didn't know she had one! "since i helped you perfect the choreo, you should pay me back, unnie." yujin grinds on your ass slowly, her breathing deep and low,, and see... you weren't about to reject her now that you knew she felt the same way as you did... so what else could you do but press back against her? and put her hands on your tits??
😵💫 yuj relentlessly thrusting her dick in your cunt as soon as both of you have pulled your pants down,, you moaning loudly helplessly while yujin pounds you from behind,, her cursing right at your ear about how tight you were, how much of a slut you are for her, and how well she would ruin you tonight,, we all know yujin is huge, so her dick was a tight fit in your pussy but at the same time, it felt so right being filled so full like this 🤤🤤 yujinnie spreading your cheeks and watching as her cock disappeared inside your cunt, only coming out even more drenched from your slick...
mmdhdjkfsk yujin reaching for your neck and pulling you back to her,, her ears tingling bcs of the noises you made as she choked you,, "u-unnie... wan' me to come inside you?? i want to... wanna breed your pretty pussy and make you my little slut... w-want that, too, unnie?" and having to nod bcs you couldn't rlly talk 🫠 yujinnie pressing your face against the cold wall while she continues her assault on your pussy,, just using you like she would use a toy,, slapping your ass until it turns red and she leaves marks 😫
her grabbing your waist and holding you down on her cock as she comes inside you,, painting your insides with her warm cum and filling you up nice and full,, getting pissed at the way her cum leaked out of your pussy as soon as she pulled out... so she fucks it back into you with her fingers??? and it gets sooo messy bcs she uses both her hands, one to finger you like crazy and one to toy with your clit,,, it all felt overwhelming but way too good so you opted to stay still while yujin fucks you all over again,, "unnie's got to come too..." she was saying, biting on your shoulder while you writhed against the wall, fuck 😵💫🥴
shsdjhkdkj squirting all over her fingers, and yujin doesn't even stop there :((( she keeps thrusting her fingers inside your cunt as you came, only pulling out to hold you close and keep you from collapsing bcs you felt light-headed :((( yujinnie sucking on her own fingers just to get a taste of you and her moaning in satisfaction?!!! definitely reaches over and shoves her fingers inside your mouth, a mix of her drool and your juices occupying your taste buds 🫣
the two of you definitely fuck during and after every practice after that 🤭🤭 always making up excuses to stay behind after everything is done... and never getting any actual practice done bcs yujin gets busy dumping her cum inside you for hours on end until midnight 😍
#ive smut#ive x reader#ive imagines#ive x fem reader#ahn yujin smut#ahn yujin imagines#ahn yujin x fem reader#ahn yujin x reader#yujin smut#yujin imagines#yujin x reader#yujin x fem reader#girl group smut#girl group imagines#girl group x reader#g!p ive#g!p idol#g!p yujin
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Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 22
chapter 38:
1. “"Right, so, your stylist?" Marlene asks, settling in as they continue to sway. "The one who looks like a fucking goddess? Yeah, so get this, she says we're friends…"”
james and marlene gossip sesh <3333333
2. 😧 MCGONNAGAL??????????
3. wait i think mcgonnagal is good. i’m pretty sure she’s from the phoenix. i’m not sure. i’m hopeful. i’m so hopeful
4. aww huey is kinda sweet. i like that’s he’s reg’s breath of fresh air when it comes to talking to the hallows
5. reg, i understand your anger, but please don’t make one of the only good sponsors feel bad
6. jealous james >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
7. “"I like your tea," James offers. "Maybe I'm biased, but it tastes better than anyone else's. What do you do to it?"
Regulus hums and lightly says, "I spit in it."
Without missing a beat, James replies, "Ah, that explains it."”
😭😭😭😭😭
8. “"Would you—" Regulus chokes on another relentless giggle, gasping a little. "Wait, would you actually drink my tea if I spit in it, James?"
"Love, I would let you spit directly into my mouth," James announces with absolutely no shame in his tone whatsoever.”
😭😭😭😭 james i love you
9. awww i love that barty is the most consistent part of reg’s life. i love barty
10. 😬 riddle is unconvinced in their love story. i- yikes
11. okay, right, mcgonnagal is good. thank god
12. dorcas wants to keep marlene out of the war, but only one of them has had a pov so far, so i’m not hopeful
13. oh shit marlene sounds hot
14. also, to add in, i’m so fucking glad there’s like no homophobia (that we know of) in this world
15. i do NOT want dorlene to be a tragedy in this universe
16. 😟 she gave back the ring. AHHHH
17. oh no. shit shit shit shit shit what did riddle do
18. “Riddle didn't even grant the liberty of leaving bodies behind for them to bury.” 😟😧
(but also, orion and walburga were dicks, so like, i’m not sad, just scared)
chapter 39:
1. aww regulus finally invites james in for tea
2. “On the day he accidentally kills a bee while tending to his flowers, he goes through the five stages of grief in less than an hour, which has nothing to do with the bee and everything to do with Vanity.” STOP! THE VANITY MENTION HURTS TOO MUCH
3. “When Regulus wants more time with him, he adds bagels, which James has now unconsciously been Pavloved into thinking of as his favorite food for that very reason.” STOP THATS SO GAY
4. sirius being dramatic about james and reg liking each other is TOP TIER in this fic, in the most realistic, aggravated, obnoxious, and completely loving way
5. BWAHAHAHHAHA JAMES GETTING A PIGGY BACK RIDE FROM SIRIUS IS GOLD
6. oh shit, (i’m not the best comprehensive reader, but i should have figured this out sooner), but from sirius’ perspective, he has to do the back and forth with remus his whole life. he doesn’t have the knowledge that i do, that a war is coming and they’ll finally get a chance to live together. he thinks he only gets to see remus once a year for two weeks at a time. this- this shit is heartbreaking yall
7. “”I watched him stand to his feet and tip himself into a river of blood in an act so tender that I'll never again be able to look at him with anything less than pure love. Every other member of the Black family, including you, fought and clawed their way home to their family, oftentimes to a family that never truly made them feel loved at all. Regulus? He fought and clawed through that arena, the entire time, for James. He's far more gentle than anyone gives him credit for."”
y’all, i’m crying over this. this is so lovely. effie is right, and i’m crying over how right she is
8. 😒 i know what’s coming. riddles a bitch. a right bitch. he’s gonna announce that previous victors are competing and i’m PISSED
9. so far, all three potters offered reggie food. they’re so hospitable, i love them
10. “He hasn't forgotten what it is to long for James. He still knows what it is to want him so badly that he'd be willing to kneel at the altar of James Potter and beg; he'd drop down on his hands and knees and crawl if that's what it took, if that would prove his devotion. He is the manifestation of longing built up with nowhere to go, and he craves, he yearns, he covets.”
both of them are so down bad
11. omg reg is so horny. his inner monologue is literally only like “”””“rip my clothes off please, read my mind and rip my clothes off”””””
12.AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I KNEW IT WAS COMING! BUT IM SO MAD!!! FUCK RIDDLE
13. effie is a queen. she is a godsend. and i’m so upset right now
14. not effie making them promise not to volunteer, and immediately james and sirius arguing over who’s gonna volunteer for her
15. i’m seething. i’m pissed beyond belief. i’m so angry it’s indescribable. my babies are going back into that arena. honestly, fuck riddle
#marauders#regulus black#james potter#fanfic#jegulus#sirius black#effie potter#euphemia potter#sunseeker#starchaser#dorcas x marlene#dorcas meadowes#marlene mckinnon#crimson rivers
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Headcanons for all the survivors gender/sexuality
Wilson- Just Kinda decided he was gonna be a boy when he was like 8 and his dad was so desperate for an heir that didn’t want him dead to rights he just kinda let it happen. would fuck anyone but at the same time is not interested at all
Willow- Butch-ish but more in a tomboy kinda way. genuinely likes wearing skirts and more feminine clothing but doesn’t really think she deserves to? if that makes sense? (She doesn’t really feel like a genuine legit girl) hardcore lesbian.
Wolfgang- Very traditionally masculine but in the “My job is to protect and take care of everyone” and not the “im a man so I can do whatever I want” type way. Gay but could totally be in a lavender relationship/marriage and have no problems w/ it
WX-78- Born a cis female, figured out early on that wasn’t right but couldn’t change it until they were an adult. Transed their gender but then figured out being a male wasn’t right either. eventually found someone who felt similarly and abandoned their flesh for the machine. solidly aroace. they’re triple a (agender, asexual, aromantic) just like batteries
Wickerbottom- cis female and “traditionally” feminine, has never felt the need to explore or question it. Used to be married to a man who was secretly gay and looking for someone similarly emotionally unavailable. He has since passed but left wicker a small fortune so. alls well that ends well ig
Wes- kind of a stereotypical femme twink. The kinda gay whos loud and proud and will hit you with a brick if you have a problem with that. feels obligated to help the others try and figure themselves out- esp the ones who are more in denial abt it
Maxwell- I think the idea that max is trans and Jack is cis and they turned out looking the exact same is hilarious. Technically the only ppl who knows he’s trans are jack and charlie- their parents just think he’s a masculine woman and everyone else knows him as a man. Bi and so so weak for bears and gently bossy women.
Wendy- Non-binary but still in the process of realizing it. Does not give a single shit abt romance but would totally be qpp with Webber once they know what that means.
Woodie- Probably Not Cis but has too much religious trauma to even dare questioning himself. He’s like JUST accepted the fact that he’s gay (still thinks hes going straight to hell but we’re working on that) so ynknow baby steps. baby steps. Deffo has a shit ton of body dysphoria due to the wereforms tho
Webber- Since spiders work a lil different in the constant (probably more like bees) there are like three genders Webber could potentially see themselves as. Drone, warrior, and queen. During his childhood he thinks of himself mostly as a drone but as he gets older and his sway over the spiders increases they’ll shift into seeing themselves as more of a queen. But other that he’s pretty much whatever non-spider gender is most convenient. Definitely bi.
Wigfrid- her gender is… strange. What she outwardly presents is her character’s way of presenting herself so ig I see her as kinda fluid? Idk valiant-valkyrie if ur reading this you can probably do a better job of explaining it. you are the defacto wigfrid authority. Definitely lesbian but once again will do whatever the role requires
Winona- Solidly butch lesbian. Definitely a caretaker and a protector but in the butch kinda way and not the femme kinda way. if that makes sense.
Wurt- Butch but hasn’t really realized it yet. does not think human genders apply to her bcs she’s a merm and will 100% be king when she grows up. baby lesbiab. her and wilba’s eventual union shall bring peace to the pig/merm kingdoms once and for all
Wortox- human genders do not apply to him. They are whatever is most convenient at the time. Fluid like loki and bugs bunny.
Walter- if xenogenders existed back then he would totally be like pupgender/buggender. Non-binary but has no problem being called a boy/man. Would be fine with any prns but people have only ever used he/him for him. Probably going to be a monsterf*cker when he grows up.
Wormwood- He is plant. Plants have sexes but no genders and wormwood is intersex anyway but they kinda just chose the first option presented to him once he found the others. Loves all but has absolutely no interest or idea about non-plant reproductive activities.
Walani- Yknow that “as a girl who’s a gross dude men who are fancy ladies are my best friends”? Yeah that’s her and Warly. she’s the emotional support golden retriever to warly’s high-strung cheetah. Lesbian but like. endearingly loser lesbian who’s only ever smooth when she’s not trying to be.
Warly- as mentioned before he is very much a guy who is a fancy lady. Would probably do drag if he had the chance and would 100% be the baddest bitch who makes all the men question their sexuality. Gay and european.
Wanda- doesn’t have time for all that gender questioning bullshit she just wants to kiss women.
Wheeler- Solid futch, leans more feminine or masculine depending on the situation. Woman-leaning bisexual, has probably fucked someone wife and inadvertently caused a divorce.
Woodlegs- pretty solidly cis male but 100% an embarrassing old gay grandpa. Doesn’t know much abt the terminology but is incredibly supportive and was definitely a homewrecker back in the day. Probably got out of at least one arrest by seducing the naval officer meant to bring him in
Wilba- high femme and definitely a baby lesbian. I do really like the idea of her being trans just because why not so why not. She and wurt are fat femme x fat butch once they grow up
Wagstaff- born as a girl but realized he hated it and made attempts to transition early on. Eventually ran away to America to fully transition. Non-binary too but hasn’t realized it yet and just thinks that everyone feels weird when someone calls them mr or sir. men-liker and old man yaoi certified
Wilbur- yes I’m doing the monkey. Gender is a strange concept to him, so he just kinda calls himself male bcs apparently he is? He doesn’t really understand it but it seems to be pretty important in human society so he’ll do it if it means he gets respected as an actual person and not just some sideshow.
#fizzy rambles#don’t starve#dst#dst wilson#dst maxwell#dst willow#dst webber#dst wx78#dst wendy#dst wes#dst wickerbottom#dst winona#dst woodie#dst wortox#dst wormwood#dst warly#dst walter#dst wanda#dst wagstaff#ds Woodlegs#ds wilbur#ds wilba#ds walani#ds wheeler#dst wigfrid#dst wurt#dst wolfgang#once again tagging eveyone bcs fuck you baltimore
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ooooobliiiiigaaatory sso post because new dark rider design dropped! erissa (not sure why they didnt just keep elise or change it to eris? but that's ok!), the remake of chiyo, just dropped, and... she's white! interesting. there were a lot of ways sso could've saved the dark riders fumbles. there were a LOT of those fumbles, but the one i hammered on the hardest was chiyo, because i myself am japanese, and immediately know a bad design when i see one. likewise, i'm pretty spot on with calling how that character will most likely be written, and can make a few good solid guesses. i will say, i feel lots more in common with sabine, and am against the way they designed someone i could relate to and then painted them staunchly as a villain; likewise with all the dark riders, this may be sso's most diverse group yet, and they are villains. HOWEVER. at that point, they had already put them in-game, and now all i can hope for is some good old fashioned childhood "everything ends up fine" writing that shows these characters some love and perhaps sways them from their homocidal ways.
back to erissa.
why was chiyo's design racist? well, it wasn't just her. most of the dark riders were handled poorly. to be honest, i've talked SO much on this blog about why chiyo was such a bad design that i simply don't want to rehash it. was it the worst i'd ever seen? no. but putting in those stereotypes to a game children -- WHITE children -- play is like teaching children to hit bees nests for fun. it's pointless and hurtful to everyone.
SO: what do i think of erissa? she's cute! i like this design way better than the last.
that's it. whole idea. i think the colors are more comprehensive, i like the crochet details, i think the hobby horse looks a little silly but i kinda like it. overall, i am happy.
now you're probably wondering, "what, so sso can't make non white villains!?" and the answer to that is 1. don't be stupid and 2. of course they can. but they better put just as much effort into the rest of sso. they don't, though. our only buff woman is alex, who barely counts because she's kinda small as fuck in game. that leaves Sabine, who's more buff. her character is nonwhite, visibly has arm hair, and until proven otherwise, is nonhuman. not only that, she's evil. that sends some pretty strong messages, and, side tangent, but to anyone too goofy or too stubborn to see how that's a problem, i'm excited to see how the children in YOUR family turn out, be it yours or other family member's. will YOU teach them what racism is and why it exists and the complexities of it that people scoff at that allow it to continue to exist day in and day out, or will you let them play all the other games that DONT revise their writing, where the good characters are straight and white and every other type of "normal" and the enemies are gay or nonwhite or both? anyway. i hope you see my point.
"children will experience this stuff ANYWAY!" sure. why add to it?
"oh, so you're pulling a save the children thing? so what, you want everyone to be th3 same?" no. i want them to take chiyo's design, make her clothes look better, make her default state not like a mouse, and put her in the game as sso's like. only japanese character. i'd fucking love that! do you know how little representation there is for weird japanese girls? we dont got dick or shit. it'd be so fun to have a slightly redesigned chiyo as an npc, i'd totally fucking adore that! different clothes bc i think her past design was a little. ourgh. it'd be fun and cool if they made her like, a budding emo? omg that'd resonate with so many people i'm sure, and the purple hair is already suited to it. black hair would also be cool, though. do you see what im saying here, though? context is everything. im sad sabine is a bad guy. im sad every white girl who plays this game gets someone to relate to. i guess i too really relate to and like anne, but that's where the similarities end. it's easy to say "why does race matter?" in a sea of white people if you're white, but it can get lonely playing any video game if you're not white. sso is one of the best games ive found in terms of trying to really add diversity (although im still waiting for updated fat npcs), and that's why i weighed in so heavily. it matters to me. i love this game. i think they've done so much good with it recently, i'm really just beyond impressed and in love.
i think erissa is a good design.
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~got bored so i put the winchester gays and their angel "buddies" in an incorrect quotes generator~
PART TWO BESTIES
~~
Adam, ordering coffee: I’d like a light roast.
Dean: You're kinda ugly.
~~
Cas: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.
Michael: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.
Gabe: Fuck you.
~~
Sam: Oh my Gabe.
Dean: Don't you mean 'oh my god'?
Sam: You worship your god, I'll worship mine.
HELLO- IM DYING RN-
~~
Michael: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one you'll be fined.
Dean: Heck.
Michael: You're on thin fucking ice.
Michael: Oh no-
~~
Michael: If I had a face like yours, I'd put it on a wall and throw a brick at it.
Gabe: If I had a face like YOURS, I'd put it on a brick and throw a wall at it.
~~
Michael: What's my sexuality?! I don't fucking know! I'm not straight, and that's all that matters. Well, maybe that's unfair to the straights. Some of my best friends are straight! Well, one of them. Well, I know them, and Dean is perfectly tolerable person in small doses!
~~
Cas: Dean, you're an asshole, man.
Dean: You are what you eat Cas.
CACKLING SOBBING ON THE FLOOR DYING OH MY CHUCK-
~~
Michael: A mouse!
Dean, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.
Gabe, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!
Adam, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.
Cas, gasping: It's Ratatouille!
Sam: His name is Remi, dummy.
Michael: I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window... what is wrong with you people.
~~
Michael: *standing at the top of the stairs* What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase?
Cas: I accidentally fell down.
Gabe: DEAN PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay THEIR part of our rent!
Sam: Cas bet me fifty bucks that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than they did falling down it, so I slide down the banister to get my money.
Adam: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by Sam.
~~
Michael: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?
Cas: We're chopsticks!
Michael: Well... that's cute!
Michael: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?
Dean: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.
~~
Dean: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’
Sam: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.
~~
*Dean dies in a game with ships*
Cas: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.
Cas: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.
Gabe: Legend has it that Dean still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks.
Dean: Of course I do.
~~
Adam with a gun to Sam's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven?
Sam: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.
~~
Cas: A butterfly! Hey, little guy, gal or nonbinary pal!
Michael: Can a butterfly be nonbinary?
Cas: I mean, maybe? I don't judge.
Adam, staring dreamily out of the window: Ah, have you ever imagine having butterfly wings? Then-
Gabe: Then it would be inconvenient as fuck. Your wings would smack every doorframe and your clothes would have to have holes in the back.
Dean: Also, your wing's paper thin, so even a six year old aimed a NERF gun at it would... Yeah...
Sam: *sips coffee* According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a-
Adam: No, nononono. You fuckers have already shattered my dream, you don't get the fucking privilege to make that reference.
Michael: Also, it's about a butterfly, not a bee... Why would you make that reference?
Cas: You clearly have not lived with them long enough.
~~
Dean: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.
~~
Cas: I have seen a lot of murders in my time, and all six of them were today.
~~
Gabe: Hey guys! I drew everyones soul!
Sam: Why is Michael's a monster?
Michael: Gabe, you forgot Sam's! Its only an empty space!
Gabe, proudly: Exactly
THE THING ABOUT SAM'S SOUL IS CANON OMGKBVERIUERKJ-
~~
Sam: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along?
Gabe: What did you just say-
Sam: Foetons! *Laughs*
Gabe: Wh-what?
that is a terrible joke i love it
~~
Dean: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey!
Cas: But I'm a vegan.
Dean: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.
~~
Gabe: No, this is not a mess. You know what I consider a mess?
Cas: Your life?
Gabe: I- well yes, but-
~~
Gabe: And here we see Dean and Sam in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh.
Dean: Gaelic bread.
Sam: Grueling brad.
Dean: Ha ha, glamorous beans.
~~
*when sam has no soul*
Dean: Sam, you need to react when people cry!
Sam: I did. I rolled my eyes.
~~
PART 1
PART 3
#spn#spn incorrect quotes#supernatural#supernatural incorrect quotes#dean#castiel#destiel#sam#gabriel#sabriel#adam#michael#midam
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Chicanerous - Jimmy McGill/Male Reader (NSFW!)
jimmy brings you to meet his brother chuck. though due to chuck's homophobic behavior towards jimmy in the past, jimmy wants revenge. he has you wear a vibrator to chuck's house and sneakily controls it in front of him.
tags/warnings: vibrators, sex toys, voyeurism, exhibitionism, referenced homophobia
anatomical terms: none! (this was completely unintentional so if you're a cis man/amab enjoy ig lol)
words: 3,115
ao3 link
author's notes: i hate you chuck mcgill 😌
“Forty bucks.”
“No.”
“Fifty.”
“Jimmy, I’m not doing this.”
“…Forty-five.”
“Did you just go down?”
“Oh, good, you are listening!” Jimmy laughed, “But seriously. Fifty-five? C’mon! It’ll be the easiest money you’ve ever made… and the sexiest.”
That was probably true, but it’d also be the most humiliating and mean-spirited way to earn a quick buck. You refused yet again. “Jimmy, no. I’m not going to harass your brother like this. I’ve never even met the guy!”
“Trust me, you’re not missing much. Chuck’s a…” Jimmy paused and tried to think of a nicer word than ‘asshole’. “Let’s call him an acquired taste. If you have a taste for mothballs and bigotry, that is.”
“Bigotry?” You questioned. “Oh, god, don’t tell me-”
But he told you. “Raging homophobe! Jesus, when I was like 14, I told him I think I like boys and girls, and he practically dragged me by the ear to our local church for confession. He said he was doing me a favor by not telling our parents. Can you believe that?” Jimmy scoffed, but there was a profound sadness oozing out of his pores. He sniffled and cracked his neck; you hoped it wasn’t to choke back tears.
You could see the pain in Jimmy’s demeanor and empathized with him. “Really? God, that’s so fucked, I’m so sorry. And he never apologized?”
“Are you kidding?! He thinks he’s the Messiah!” Jimmy dropped the box he was holding on the table and paced around your living room. “The ever-infallible Charles McGill Jr.! He thinks I’m the one who needs to repent for living a sinner’s lifestyle. He really goes above and beyond, y’know. Hates the sin and the sinner.” He plopped down on your couch and sighed.
You sat down next to him and put an arm around his back. Concerned, yet confused. “Why do you still talk to him, then?”
“His condition.” Jimmy explained, “He can’t take care of himself, so he needs me to brave the electricity-ridden world for him and get him what he needs. So, he kinda has to keep me around. That’s the only reason he’s even agreed to meet you.”
That tracked. A homophobe who pushed his younger brother to pray the gay away would probably not be too kind to said younger brother’s boyfriend. “So… what, he only cares about you because you keep him alive? That’s shitty. Fuck him.”
“Fuck him, indeed.” Jimmy concurred, “You know what? Nevermind. Don’t even worry about meeting him, honestly. I shouldn’t have even brought it up. No sense in bringing you over there if he’s not gonna like you, anyway.”
That gave you an idea. If Chuck wouldn’t like you on your best behavior, why bother with pleasantries? If he was going to think you were a degenerate pervert regardless of what you did, why not have a little fun and hit a homophobe where it hurts? Fuck turning the other cheek; take the upper hand.
“...I’ll do it.”
-
You squirmed in the passenger seat of Jimmy’s two-toned Suzuki Esteem. The vibrator wasn’t invasive, but it made its presence known. It was hard to sit still with it inside you. You needed friction.
“Well, someone’s got ants in their pants!” Jimmy chuckled and killed the ignition. “It’ll probably sound more like bees once I turn it on, though.” He fished a small remote out of his pocket and pressed the power button. A singular vibration pulsed through you, making you jump.
“How loud does this thing get?” You asked.
“It probably won’t be too obvious at first since it’s under your clothes, but he’s definitely gonna hear it once it really gets going. Now, let’s rap for a second.” Jimmy put the remote back in his pocket, unbuckled his seatbelt, and faced you. “No matter how loud it gets, you don’t hear it, I don’t hear it. We lie through our teeth and make Chuck feel like he’s going crazy. You get me?”
You got him, “Yeah, sure,” though there was an obvious hole in his plan, “But, like… if it’s vibrating, I’m gonna be, like… moaning and stuff like that. Wouldn’t he notice that?”
Jimmy waved you off, “Cover it up, if you can. Make whatever excuse you gotta. But if you can’t or he starts to question you, I’ll step in. You’ll be fine. You ready?”
“I guess.” You unbuckled your seatbelt and stepped out of the car. Jimmy locked it and squeezed behind you, making his way to the mailbox.
“Gotta put all your electronics in here. Anything with a battery can set him off. He’ll know if you forget something.” Jimmy loudly proclaimed as he opened the mailbox and stuffed his phone, watch, and keys inside. When he was done, he grabbed you by your hips and whispered in your ear. “He’s watching.”
Your eyes scanned the front of the empty-looking house, and sure enough, you saw two fingers pulling the blinds apart, and disgruntled eyes peering through them. You flinched, and hastily dug in your pocket for your phone. “Jesus…” you grumbled. “Fifty-five bucks for this, right?”
“How’s about forty-five and the best head you’ve ever gotten?” Jimmy kissed the back of your head as you closed the mailbox.
You spun around and flicked his forehead. “Nope. Fifty-five. And don’t act like you’re not gonna give me head regardless.”
“Oh, you know I will.” Jimmy smiled at you. Some tapping on the window broke up your intimate moment. Chuck was getting impatient. “Coming!” Jimmy called out and grabbed your hand, leading you up the walkway to Chuck’s front door. He stopped you in front of a metal pole. “Ground yourself.”
“What?”
“Just tap the thingy.” Jimmy demonstrated by tapping his finger on the pole, and you did the same. Having grounded yourselves, you were ready to enter. Jimmy knocked on the door, and Chuck answered with faux hospitality.
“Welcome! Jimmy, good to see you, as always. And, uh… what was your name again?” You could tell he was fighting to fake a smile for you.
You reminded him of your name and offered your hand to shake. “Pleasure to meet you. Jimmy’s told me so much about you.”
Chuck hesitated before grabbing your hand, as if being gay was contagious. Physical contact with a homosexual was sure to poison him with an unquenchable craving for cock and balls. Nevertheless, he persisted, taking your hand in his and offering a limp, wet noodle handshake. “Oh, all good things, I hope?”
“Of course!” You lied.
“Well, come on in.” Chuck stepped aside and allowed you to enter his delusional home. “I apologize for the darkness. Jimmy informed you of my condition, I presume?”
“He did, yeah. It must be tough to live with,” You answered with mock sympathy, in reality you couldn’t give less of a fuck about his living situation. It’s not like you’d ever be invited over again after today. Still, you tried to come up with a compliment. “You seem to be handling it really well, though. I’d imagine you have to get pretty creative. I don’t know what I’d do in your position.”
Jimmy swooped in to back you up. “I told you he’s a smart guy! Managed to build a life for himself in the 21st century without any tech whatsoever. I don’t know anyone else who could solve a problem like that.”
Chuck forced some laughter out, “Ah, well, I do what I can to get by. Please, have a seat.” He gestured to the couch, where you and Jimmy sat down. He situated himself across from you, and folded his hands in his lap. “So, how did you meet my brother?”
“Well, actually, I-”
Click
Bzzzzzzzzzzz
You should’ve seen that coming, but you didn’t. With no warning, Jimmy had ignited the vibrator, which was now rattling against your sensitive walls. You gasped, but faked a sneeze to cover it up.
It was on the lowest setting, so thankfully Chuck didn’t notice the noise. “Bless you.”
“Thank you…” You replied. Already, your nerves were on fire. You knew Jimmy wouldn’t rush out the gate guns blazing, but this was much harder than you expected it to be. You couldn’t imagine you’d keep up the charade for very long. It took you a while to catch your train of thought. “We, uh… I work at the…” You swallowed a moan, ”...the nail salon, where he lives, and I… I saw him come in one day, and, like… I just kinda… shot my shot, I guess.”
Chuck raised an eyebrow. “You seem tense. Are you feeling alright?”
You nodded, hoping your body wasn’t shaking as much as the toy was. “Nerves, sorry.”
Jimmy slung an arm around you and hugged you from the side. “He’s just a little anxious, that’s all. He wants to make a good impression.”
Chuck nodded, content with that explanation. “Right, right. Well, I must say I’m not… thrilled, that my brother is with another man, but I hope that-”
Click
That son of a bitch. Jimmy turned it up. In the middle of Chuck’s sentence. You had no time to stall your reaction, groaning audibly and grabbing Jimmy’s leg for support.
“You feeling alright, babe?” Jimmy asked, brushing some hair out of your face as you leaned into him, his other hand tucked into his pocket with the remote. “Jeez, you’re all red. You took your meds today, right?”
If anything, you appreciated Jimmy’s ability to lie on the spot. There was no medication for you to have taken. It was bullshit, all the way down. You let him lead, your dance partner in the tango of dishonesty. “I… I thought I did… Today’s Wednesday, right?”
Jimmy gave you a concerned, sheepish look. “Today’s Thursday, honey.”
Click
“Oh fuck,” You moaned, and upon realizing where you were, slapped your hand over your mouth and apologized to Chuck. “O-Oh my god! I’m sorry! I-I don’t mean to be rude.”
“It’s… quite alright,” Chuck replied, his skepticism slowly inching upward. “Would you like some water?”
Jimmy answered for you. “Water would be great, thanks. He gets dehydrated easily.”
As Chuck stood up to get you some water, Jimmy pressed the button one more time, making the vibrator buzz harder and louder. Finally, it was enough for Chuck to hear.
Chuck winced, his face contorted in pain as he stared you both down. “Is that… Is that a cell phone?”
Jimmy hugged you closer to him and stroked your hair, pretending to comfort you through your “symptoms”. He gave Chuck an incredulous look. “What? What’re you talking about? Do you hear something?”
“Y-Yes, actually. I hear something… vibrating… like a cell phone.” Chuck grimaced and grit his teeth to bear the pain. “Jimmy, I thought you told him.”
Jimmy went on the defense, “I did! Chuck, I swear, we put all our devices in the mailbox. There’s nothing here that could be vibrating. Are you sure that’s what it is?”
You backed him up, “Y-Yeah, I don’t…” and took a deep breath to maintain poise, “I don’t hear anything either.”
And Jimmy scored the goal. “And he has great ears, too. He’s got perfect pitch. He’s actually in school to be a classical pianist. So if he doesn’t hear it, I kinda gotta take his word for it.”
Another lie. You couldn’t play piano to save your life, but goddamn, Jimmy could play anyone to save his.
Chuck wasn’t backing down, though his composure was starting to slip. “I-I’m serious. I hear something vibrating. Are you telling me you two seriously don’t hear that?”
Jimmy sighed, pitying his brother and his circumstances. “Chuck, buddy, no one else hears what you’re talking about. Just… How about you just go in the kitchen for a bit, take a breather, and maybe it’ll be gone when you come back?”
Chuck didn’t answer Jimmy. He scurried into the kitchen and away from the offending sound.
Once he was sure Chuck was gone, Jimmy switched the vibrator off, finally giving you a moment to breathe. He kissed you on the cheek and whispered to you, “Isn’t this fun? You’re doing great.”
You giggled and kissed him back, “It’s… definitely exciting. You’re a genius.”
“I know, I know. That little piece of plastic is making you feel real good, huh?”
“Yeah…”
“Not as good as me though, right?”
“Not by a longshot.”
Chuck returned with three glasses of water, one in each hand and cradling the other under his arm. “My apologies for that,” he said as he set the glasses down on the table. He took his seat once more. “Well, Jimmy, I hate to say it, but you were right. I don’t hear that sound anymore, and I feel perfectly fine. I wonder what that could’ve been.”
Jimmy picked up his glass. “Are your coolers good? Maybe you ate some spoiled food and it’s giving you hallucinations. That’s what they say happened in the Salem Witch Trials.” He took a sip and set it down on the table.
You did the same, chugging half the glass in one go, playing into the easily dehydrated lie.
“No, no, the coolers are fine. I don’t think that would’ve done it.” Chuck drank some of his water and turned his attention to you, hoping to steer the conversation away from his ailment. “So! You’re a classical pianist?”
You gave him a timid smile, unsure of how you should be acting due to your medical condition that Jimmy decided you had. “Y-Yeah, I, uh… Been playing since I was three. I’m a senior at UNM.” Lies upon lies, you hoped they were as good as Jimmy’s. But if not, he’d have your back.
Chuck smiled, warmer than you expected from him. Were you actually impressing him? “Well, that’s wonderful! I’m a huge fan of classical music. My ex-wife was a violinist.”
Jimmy butted in, “And a damn good one, at that! I guess McGill’s are drawn to musicians, huh?”
“Thank you, Jimmy.” Chuck said with a heaping spoonful of sarcasm. “You know, I actually have a grand piano here. Not to put you on the spot or anything, but do you think you could play-”
Clickclickclickclickclick
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Jimmy McGill was trying to get you killed.
Or, save your ass, because if he hadn’t intervened, you would’ve been pressured into bullshitting your way through a Beethoven sonata.
Or, make you cum in front of his homophobic brother, just to fuck with him.
Or, and most likely, all of the above.
He’d cranked the vibrator up to max, making you cry out in pleasure, and Chuck in pain. Thankfully, his brother was somehow louder than you were.
Chuck covered his ears and shouted, “Agh! It’s back! The buzzing! It’s back!” He jumped up and ran to open a cabinet, where he apparently kept large sheets of tinfoil to wrap himself in. As he put on his Chipotle burrito cosplay, he put the heat on his brother. “Jimmy, whatever you’re doing, whatever… device you two brought with you, just turn it off! Turn it off and get out of my house!”
“I’m not doing anything, Chuck!” Jimmy stood up and shouted over all the commotion, rushing to Chuck’s side. “I still don’t hear what you’re talking about! Where is it coming from?”
Chuck whipped his body around, the foil crinkling with his movements, and pointed a shaking finger at you. “Him! It’s coming from him! He’s got something on him, and I hear it! Don’t tell me it’s nothing!”
“He doesn’t have anything on him! I checked! He’s got no devices, doohickeys, gadgets, gizmos, nothing that could make that kind of-!” Suddenly, Jimmy froze, his expression melting to one of pure fear. You figured he’d get the letter for his Oscar nomination soon enough. “Oh no…”
“What?! What is it?!” Chuck panicked.
Jimmy hurried back to where you were sitting on the couch, and laid his hand on the left side of your chest. “It’s his pacemaker… It’s going crazy.”
It took everything within you to not burst out laughing. Or moaning. You bit your lip and let Jimmy do the talking as you rocked your hips back and forth on the couch cushion.
“His what?!” Chuck yelled the obvious question. “He’s so young, how the hell does he have a pacemaker?!”
“That’s none of your business, Chuck!” Jimmy grabbed your shoulders and pressed his forehead to yours. “I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t think it’d be a problem. I’m gonna take you home, and you’re gonna take your meds, okay? You’re gonna be okay. Come on, upsy-daisy.”
Jimmy hoisted you up off the couch. The vibrator had done a number on your balance, and the new angle had it pressed up into just the right spot. You collapsed into him and moaned his name, not even trying to hide it anymore. “Oh, Jimmyyy…”
Playing it off like a champ, Jimmy shushed you and walked you towards the door. “I know, I know, sweetheart. It’s okay. You’re gonna be fine. I promise.” He opened the front door, and turned to his brother one last time. “I gotta get him home. We’ll talk later, Chuck. See ya.”
Even after the door was closed, he kept up the act as he walked you to the car, just in case Chuck was watching through the window. “There we go, almost there. We’ll get you home, baby boy, don’t you worry.” He opened the door for you and even buckled you in. When he walked around to his side, he saw Chuck peering through the windows again. He got in the driver’s seat, turned the car on, and sped down the block, past Chuck’s limited field of view.
Once Chuck was out of sight and out of mind, Jimmy turned the car and the vibrator off. He grabbed you and started kissing all over your face like a madman.
“That was amazing! Baby, you were perfect! You are a star! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Jimmy praised as he hugged you tight and kissed anywhere he could plant his lips on you.
You laughed hysterically, tickled pink from the thrill and your boyfriend’s cheesy affections. “Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome. That was crazy! What am I again? A college student with a pacemaker that’s training to be a classical pianist? How the fuck did you come up with that?!”
Jimmy laughed too, wiping tears of joy from his eyes. “Ah, a magician never reveals his tricks. I’ll get you the cash when we get back.” And like the magician he was, you didn’t see the sleight-of-hand of him reaching into his pocket. “But first…”
Clickclickclickclickclick
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
“How’s about we finish what we started?”
#bcs#better call saul#bcs x reader#better call saul x reader#better call saul smut#better call saul imagine#better call saul headcanons#better call saul hcs#jimmy mcgill#jimmy mcgill imagine#jimmy mcgill smut#jimmy mcgill headcanons#jimmy mcgill x reader#jimmy mcgill hcs#saul goodman#saul goodman x reader#saul goodman imagine#saul goodman headcanons#saul goodman smut#saul goodman hcs#brba#brba x reader#breaking bad x reader#breaking bad smut#breaking bad headcanons#breaking bad hcs#breaking bad imagine#breaking bad#brbabcs
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gravity falls queer headcanons, just for funsies <3
i'm gonna put these under a readmore actually because Wow There Is A Lot More Shit Than I Expected. gaze upon my based ass gender and sexuality takes at yer own risk /j
Dipper
i think the general consensus in the gf fandom is that he's transmasc. and as a trans guy i LOVE this hc!!!! but i Also love to see dipper portrayed as other trans identities. like... tgirl dipper is also a favorite of mine, she holds a very special place in my heart. nby or genderfluid dipper even!!! i could go on, but bottom line is he is whatever i want him to be at any given time <3 as for his sexuality? probably some flavor of acespec but he's personally unlabeled, previously questioning but i figure he eventually decided it's not worth his time trying to find a label that fits. he definitely likes people of all genders though
Mabel
mabel is ABSOLUTELY the sorta person to aggressively hoard gender labels and pronouns like a crow collecting shiny things. crunch has ALL the gender and ALL the pronoun. in fact, sometimes it makes him kinda sad when someone who knows bee goes by all pronouns exclusively uses "she" for fluff (not that this happens often!!! a quick glare from the grunks and the offender is put in their place lol). she lovessss femininity and actively embraces it all the time but it's not ONLY a girl- xey id as an autigender xenocollector girlboy and also as pan and nebularomantic!!!! boom probably knits their flags into all cake's sweaters too >:D
Ford
previously identified as a binary trans man, but after spending three decades in another dimension and interacting with different species with other perceptions of gender, they now id as transmasc nonbinary. he doesn't mind he/him or they/them but he also likes neopronouns! (better believe ford has neos in languages you've never even heard of!!!) especially space-themed or science-themed ones. him and mabel definitely get along over using neos btw. also rift is demiromantic, demisexual and gay :) he was overjoyed when they found out about the ace/aro spectrum- because for a long time they felt like the fact that they only seldom felt attraction meant something was wrong with sol.
Stan
trans nonbinary man who isn't picky with labels. while him and ford are both transmasc and nonbinary, he has a VERY different experience with it than his brother- he's very much a man, except she also likes to be a woman sometimes just for fun. stan probably spent a lot of time in his youth trying to be hypermasculine so he could pass better and fit in but now he Doesn't Care and just has fun confusing people by being a grumpy old guy who's also a lady sometimes. prefers he/him but genuinely doesn't care if people use other pronouns for her. also my man is bisexual as FUCK, mostly equal attraction to all genders but plays up his love for women a lot becausee... growing up during the 60s will do that to you i think.
BONUS ROUNDDDDDDDDDDD
Soos
unlabeled sexuality, genderfluid and/or nonbinary with left bro in the words of one wise anon on tumblr dot com. uses he/him but other pronouns are fine too
Wendy
abrosexual transmasc tomboy with no desire to medically transition. likes to present as masculine but only sometimes. gets along with stan over gender fuckery! uses she/he
Pacifica
transfem lesbian, mainly uses she/they until mabel introduces her to jewel neopronouns and ruby immediately steals them
Fiddleford
greyromantic, bi and polyamorous binary trans man! like wendy, he's never cared much for the idea of medically transitioning. uses he/it but doesn't mind other pronouns
Bill
aromantic, asexual and agender babey. uses any/all pronouns, though people usually default to he/him, which she doesn't really mind either!
#probably gonna use these from now on whenever i post abt these guys#ferret rambles#gravity falls#dipper pines#mabel pines#ford pines#stan pines#soos ramirez#wendy corduroy#pacifica northwest#fiddleford mcgucket#bill cipher
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Yknow I feel like I should have a main post where I share my Milgram opinions/verdicts (thought of this bc i was writing my sister's opinion on the milgram characters). So I'll go character by character.
Will anyone read this? I don't know but its here
Haruka: I relate to him a bit (shitty mother, intrusive homicidal thoughts, neurodivergence). I def feel bad for him but hes still really guilty in my mind. I just think the whole killing for attention thing is a really dangerous mindset you can't just get out of, especially if you're being told you're not in the wrong. And it definitely seems like he doesn't actually feel bad for the girl he killed, just feels bad because people are mad at him for it. Idk. But I enjoy his dynamic with Muu a lot, even tho its toxic i just think its really interesting. But I wish him the best and he deserves a hug. His songs are mid tho (/hj i like them)
Yuno: I love her personality and I think shes so fun, but I honestly don't think about her a lot compared to the others. But I love her and specifically enjoy her dynamics with (obv mostly in fan content) Kazui, Mahiru and Fuuta. Her and Fuuta are such a good platonic ship (romantic is fun too). Innocent vote, obv. I like her songs, but Tear Drop moreso than Umbilical.
Fuuta: Oh my god I wonder what I think of him. In all seriousness he's a major hyperfixation of mine at like every given moment. I adore him and i think he deserves better and to be innocent. Like he feels so guilty for what he did and he didn't know any better, everyone around him was encouraging his behavior and praising him for it. But then it got too far and all his friends abandoned him and blamed him like. Poor fuuta :( and he's like 100% right when he says him and es are exactly the same. On another note, major fan of 0309 (romantically, but either way works), and also love his dynamic with Haruka, Yuno, Mahiru, Amane and Es. His songs are both in my top three (backdraft being #1)
Muu: Tied for my fav character(? Fuuta might beat her idk) I love her personality and vibe and everything just ❤️❤️ queen shit. And her queen bee design is gorgeous. Typically my favs are men but shes one of the first women ive hyperfixated on this much. Again, love her dynamic with Haruka, not from a like. healthy relationships could make the characters better standpoint, but from a story perspective its interesting. But yeah guilty. As for her songs, INMF is my #2 and i like After Pain
Shidou: Honestly I used to be kinda indifferent about him and just found him to be boring but then I rewatched his voice dramas and read some fics and I like him more now. I feel really bad for him bc he went through a really shitty situation which he felt he had the power to change and was stuck in a shitty moral dilemma bc of it. And in the end he did shitty things to save those he loved and it didn't even matter. He feels so guilty and doesn't deserve it. Innocent <3. Also romantic 0507 ftw (0506 is cool too). Him and Amane are silly too. As for his songs i like them, but they're not my fav
Mahiru: i like her, but im not too like. invested in her ig. But i feel bad for her :( she just wants to feel love and like. clearly she did something wrong but she didn't know she was. She never intended to hurt anyone. So innocent. Unless we find out she like. did something really fucking bad then maybe guilty. But in I Love You it implies it was a mutual toxicity so it probably wasn't something super terrible? But anyway. I love her with like all the characters cuz shes just so fun to see interact w others, but specifically with Yuno, Fuuta, Shidou, Amane and Mikoto.
Kazui: Hes so fun i love him. Like all he wants is to be honest and be himself but he feels pressured to lie and then finally he tells the truth and his wife fucking kills herself like- jeez- poor guy. Like following the gay theory, i get why she mightve done it (imagine being told the romance you built your entire life around for like 20 years was all a lie, and that your husband never actually loved you and just pretended to and every time you kissed or something he was just pretending like. that sucks poor hinako) but its so awful that he had to go thru that. But anyway innocent, kazui come out we accept you. And stan 0507. Song wise cat is easily #4 but. half is ok ig
Amane: Yknow i love amane but I also hate her and i think part of that might be the fandom? idk. I feel sorry for her bc she grew up in such a shitty situation but also i think shes beyond the point where we can uninstill those ideologies. Like shes 12, not 5. And amane says it herself that she has as much of a free will as everyone else and that her decision to kill/stay in this environment should be valued. Not that i think she should remain in this abusive situation, but she's not just some innocent kid whose being manipulated, she knows what she's doing. Hence, guilty. I don't think either vote will change her or anything so im voting with my honest opinion. As for dynamics, i love seeing her interact with all the other prisoners, but especially Shidou and Fuuta.
Mikoto: I love mikoto a lot but im so on the fence about his verdict. Ive been voting him innocent but theres still a part of me thats like. debating it. Bc he shouldn't have to be punished for John's actions, and it sucks that that's the situation hes in, but its that or more murders are left to occur. The main reason i say innocent is under the idea that John could go dormant or just stop fronting as much if we reduce mikoto's stress (like he says will happen i think). But hes so complex and fun i love mikoto. Specifically i love romantic 0309 but also his dynamic w the smoking group and mahiru. Also i love his songs.
Kotoko: I love her but also fuck her for hurting fuuta (and mahiru too but mainly fuuta). She annoys me bc she was so quick to almost murder several people based on a preliminary verdict that was made using little information. Like she knew this wasn't a concrete verdict, but attacked them anyway. I get her ideology of "kill people who evade justice to protect the weak" but only when they've actually done bad things (ie. the guy kidnapping the little girl). But when she doesn't know what they did and knows the person accusing them doesn't either???? Like bruh. But i like her character shes fun. I like seeing how she interacts with es and everyone she attacked. And songs, harrow is okay and i really like deep cover.
Whew im done.
#this has been in my drafts for a hot bit so im posting it#milgram#haruka sakurai#yuno kashiki#fuuta kajiyama#muu kusunoki#shidou kirisaki#mahiru shiina#kazui mukuhara#amane momose#mikoto kayano#kotoko yuzuriha
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Hi there! @look-at-those-niceass-rocks and I are back on our bullshit with some unhinged movie-night quotes, this time with the first Descendants film. Previously, we've had some shit to say about Rise of the Pink Ladies and Julie and the Phantoms. This is the first actual movie we've watched for these movie-night quotes, so it's a long one. Buckle up, and enjoy the ride!
Bee: "Elected king"? That's not how democracy works.
Bee: How is he inheriting the crown if his dad is still alive???
(Note: For those not aware, hi, I'm a costume designer and technician, I usually have Things To Say about costumes, including the following Several Minute Rant)
Me, two minutes into the movie: PAUSE, okay I have opinions here
Bee: Okay?
Me: Okay so this is a fitting, right? I appreciate the big stitch lengths, that's accurate, but this should be a mock-up, with muslin! Why is it made of the fashion fabric???
Bee: This is riveting
Me: Why are his sleeves finished off? Where are the pins? Is that a hand back stitch???
Bee: *cackling*
Bee: YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IN THE DIVINE RIGHT OF KINGS AND DEMOCRACY
Me: Why did they give Ben a bust dart? Does he have tiddies???
Bee: TRANS BEN???
Bee: I'm gonna take a drink every time you go on a costume rant.
Me: LISTEN
Bee (@Evie and Mal): So they're lesbians, right?
Me: OH HO HO, YOU'D THINK SO WOULDN'T YA
Bee: You said Kenny Ortega did this, right?
Me: Yep!
Bee: That. SO very tracks.
Evie: *flirting*
Bee: Ahhh, performative heterosexuality!
Me: Her love interest is so [HUSBAND]-coded; you're gonna lose your mind
Bee: Ah yep, Kenny Ortega choreography
Bee: IS THAT FUCKING KRISTEN CHENOWETH???
Me: YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT???
Both of us, anytime Carlos is on screen: He Baby
Bee: I bet AO3 had a field day with this franchise
Bee: Ohhhh, look at that shitty marching band, let me at 'em- NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE PLAYING THOSE INSTRUMENTS
Me: *wheeze*
Bee @ Audrey: Oh THATS a lesbian
Me: I COULD GO ON A RANT and I won't until we have more context!
Me: Look, Evie's love interest is a dude but I choose to believe that he's a he/him lesbian so it works
Mal: And I totally don't blame your grandparents for inviting everyone in the whole world but my mother to their stupid christening!
Me: Look, christenings were public events! They had to go out of their way to tell Maleficent not to come!
Bee: Right! Like it was more work to have someone find her to tell her not to come! She would've stayed away if you just kept your mouths shut!
Me: Not to victim blame, but don't fuck with the fae if you don't want the fae to fuck with you
Bee: No I'm victim blaming in this one instance, that was fucking stupid
Doug: Hi-ho...
Bee: Oh god he is [HUSBAND]-coded
Carlos: Die, suckers!
Me: Let Carlos say fuck!
Bee: He would say it constantly
Jay: *ninja kick through the door*
Bee: Dumbass
Carlos: *trying to help Jay up*
Me: *sobbing* He baby!!!
Bee: He wants to help his brother!!!
Bee, already tipsy: I think every time we say "he baby" I need to drink water
Me: Hnng I remember being obsessed with Mal's outfits as a 14yo but looking at it now as a costume designer, I can't tell if I still love it or if I kinda hate it.
Bee: Lemme take a drink and you elaborate.
Me: There's something kinda off-putting about it and I can't tell if it's because it reeks of 2015 Disney Channel-which is not a bad thing!-or if I just don't think the design works.
Bee: It looks like they were going for scene but didn't really know what scene was
Me: I think we should also take a drink whenever we say "that's gay"
Both: STOP BEING MEAN TO JANE SHE'S SO CUTE
Ben: *trying to convince Carlos Dude won't hurt him*
Me: For the trans!Ben headcanon, I know that's just a weird fuckin' seam on his shirt, but it looks like a binder
Honorable mention: Us constantly screaming at evie that she's allowed to be smart
Bee: Hey, [HUSBAND], Wanna come see a character that's you coded???
Evie: *making clothes*
Me: THAT SEWING MACHINE IS SEXY
Me @ Lonnie: I wouldn't call that cool hair
Bee: Oh now she's cool, she ripped her skirt
Mal: I think it's time Benny Boo got himself a new girlfriend
Bee: Girl he is right behind that door
Mal: *wipes Lonnie's tear*
Bee: LOOK AT HER FACE, see that? That was a gay awakening
Me during Did I Mention: Guess what
Bee: Huh?
Me: That's not him singing
Bee: *gasp* They Troy Bolton'ed that man
Bee: There are. Not enough trumpets in this band
Me: Nerd
Talking about the Maleficent movie and how I've never seen it
Bee: Oh god, you would've been like. 12
Me: Or 13 depending on the time of year!
Bee: It came out in May
Me: ...Okay yeah I would've been 12
Bee: I can do math!
[HUSBAND], distantly: Citation needed!
Bee: HEY!!!
Ben: Is this your first time?
Bee: HUH???
Me: What was he trying to accomplish here? Like he didn't tell her they were going somewhere they might need swimsuits, was he trying to get her in her underwear???
Bee: If it wasn't a Disney movie I'd say yes
Me: Horny teenage boy
Ben: *shirtless on the cliff*
Me: Good for him, he's had top surgery since the last scene
Maleficent: Still doing tricks with eggplants?
Bee: Idk, ask her husband
After the cover of Be Our Guest
Bee: What. Was that.
Me: I know
Bee: That was so bad!
Me: I promise the other covers are better
Me: I hate Mal's costume in this scene
Bee: Drink!
Me: The purple on her blazer matches too perfectly with her hair, there's no break in the silhouette
Bee: Oh yeah, I see what you mean
Me: I get what they're trying to do with the lighter palette, but I'd swap the blue and purple, personally
Queen Leah: My daughter was raised by fairies
Me: That was your own fault
Bee: Nowhere in that curse did it say you couldn't raise her
Insert the TEN MINUTE interlude of me dying over the obscene fit of Ben's suit:
(Please note: A) his jacket sleeve is caught on his elbow, which is what's causing that FOUR INCH exposed sleeve, B) who wears a pocket square and no tie? C) the buttons are STRAINING because the suit hasn't been tailored properly, it's way too small, you're the future king and I expect better from you okay you CANONICALLY have people tailoring your clothes, and while we're on buttons, D) NEVER button both buttons on a suit jacket! If the jacket has two buttons, the top is buttoned and the bottom isn't. If it's three, top is button sometimes, middle is always buttoned, and the bottom is never. Also: Unbutton when sitting or doing physical activity, such as croquet. This has been Levi's useless button PSA)
Honorable mention: I showed my mentor this picture the next day and he gasped like he'd been shot
Jane: He's never gonna make a villain a queen
Me: WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU!
Bee: WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!
Me: she's not ugly, she just has a fuck ass bob
Bee @ Beast: Oh why'd they give him glasses, now he's hot
Mal: How do you know that??
Ben: because I'm listening to my heart!
Bee: Gay
Mal: I'm listening to mine too
Bee: DOUBLE gay
Bee: I love how you can soo very see all these frozen people moving
Maleficent: *Dragon Time (tm)*
Bee: FOUND THE BUDGET
Jane: Guess I did get pretty lucky in the mother department
Me: Speaking of mothers can someone please catch the lizard
Bee: PLEASE
Side note, my internet was wigging out and the stream kept freezing, particularly during Set It Off
Me, struggling with the connection: And what if I cry
Bee: Limping toward the finish line
Me: What if I cry and commit arson
Mal: You didn't think that was the end of the story, did you?
Bee: Well that was fucking ominous
#disney descendants#descendants#mal bertha#evie descendants#carlos de vil#jay descendants#ben florian#unhinged quotes
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okay but the other anon could have worded it nicer but I kinda agree with them. it's great you're gay and secure in that but making so many posts about it alienates us who are just here for lestappen and essays
This is not about me but still draws me insane. Who fucking cares why you're here? It's somebody's blog on tumbler. You didn't pay for the subscription on lestappen magazine. Person who runs it may decide to make it about bees on random Thursday and it's none of your business. Oh but I like essays but don't like other stuff. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Really who taught you that you could open your mouth (or fingers) and demand or forbit somebody something in their personal spaces. Who taught you being such an asshole. Its almost unbelievable how arrogant and selfish and uneducated people could be.
It's not just on this blog. I think social media algorithms so perfectly create content bubbles on other websites that people have lost touch with the fact that not every piece of content is made specifically for them. I see real entitlement in ao3 comments recently which makes me so upset, because every author on ao3 is creating purely for passion. Your favourite author posted a fic for a ship you hate? You don't have to say ANYTHING! Just click off it!
#asks#anon#i am currently lestappen subscription magazine but my interests will likely change in the next five years and i don't owe anything
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Obey Me As Tumblr #12
Satan: Do you ever get the urge to clean your entire room and then 5 minutes after you start you’re like nah son and you just lay on the floor
•
MC: I get bloody noses a lot and I can usually feel it about 30 seconds before it starts dripping. Today in class my nose started to bleed but right before I turned to this very religious boy who sits next to me and whispered “hail Satan” as my nose started to drip. He freaked and fell back and hit his head. He had to go home for the rest of the day.
Satan: You’re amazing
Lucifer: Well done
•
Leviathan: If corals get stressed they die so if I was a coral I would be dead
Mammon: What do coral even get stressed about?
Barbatos: Current events
Leviathan: Get out.
•
Belphegor: What if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when you touch them?
Solomon: How stoned are you right now?
Satan: Was that a fucking pun?
•
Beelzebub: I was waiting on the pizza delivery guy to call me to say my pizza is here and when my phone rang I accidentally answered with “pizza?” instead of hello and he replied “yes this is pizza.”
•
Mammon: What is a baby worm called?
Lucifer: There is no term for a baby worm. It is just called a worm.
Diavolo: This makes me sad, I’m calling them squigglets
•
Mammon: My younger brother was trying to express that someone died with his very limited vocabulary and what he finally said was “his ghost fell out.”
It’s been fucking me up all week
•
Mammon: When you feel your clothes fresh out of the oven
Mammon: OKAY SO I REALIZED I USED OVEN INSTED OF DISHWASHER BUT I KINDA FORGOT WHAT IT WAS CALLED AND USED THE NEXT BEST GUESS I COULD THINK OF
Beelzebub: dishwasher
Belphegor: Washing machine.
You’re referring to a washing machine
Asmodeus: Pretty sure they meant a dryer
•
MC: Why don’t humans have a specific noise that means “there are bees let’s leave immediately” why are elephants more advanced than us
Solomon: We do have a specific noise, it sounds like this:
“there are bees let’s leave immediately”
•
Mammon: Please don’t touch my thigh my dick will rise like Apollo 13
MC: But Apollo 13 exploded
Solomon: That’s the goal
•
Satan: Windows 8 can suck my dick
Simeon: I can’t believe how far technology has come
•
Asmodeus: I don’t understand why people use Gaylord as an insult. Maybe I want to be lord of the gays. Bow down to me.
•
Mammon: You just jealous of me that I fuck 20 x more girls than you
Leviathan: 20 x 0 = 0
Simeon: He sank the boat he was working on just to kill the captain
•
Belphegor: Why isn’t eleven pronounced onety-one
Thirteen: I’M LAUGHING SO HARD BECAUSE I THOUGHT OF 22 AND I SAID “TOOTY TWO” OUT LOUD AT 4AM OH GOD
Luke: Threety Three
Mammon: Fourty four
Mammon: I have realized my mistake
•
Simeon: Right now a baby is being born
Right now someone clogged the toilet and is running out of the bathroom as fast as they can
Life goes on
Solomon: Hopefully this is not the same person
•
Satan: I just walked past two of my brothers in the living room and one of them said “I don’t think they’re right-handed or left-handed, they’re just dogs.”
•
Solomon: Crystals for banishing someone: any of them if you throw them hard enough
•
Beelzebub: I think now that we’re in the 21st century we can stop villainizing the witch from Hansel and Gretel. Some kids ate her house. She gets to eat them. It was a fair deal.
•
MC: When I was a child my cat died and the only way I could rationalize it was drawing her being crucified because I went to catholic school and I thought that just happened to everyone when they died
Raphael: I can’t comment on this just fucking look at it
•
Leviathan: It’s weird to think horses were ever ‘prey animals’ because what fucking predator looks at a 8 foot tall ENORMOUS beast with pitch black devils eyes, terrifying teeth and extremely powerful legs and thinks ‘yeah let’s go attack that one’
Satan: Well moose are still prey animals so
Asmodeus: That’s fucked up, a moose is like a horse with extra weapons
Michael: Would you rather they be predators
Mammon: SHIT SHIT SHIT IM SO SORRY
#obey me as tumblr#funny obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me simeon#obey me diavolo#obey me asmodeus#obey me satan#obey me solomon#obey me belphegor#obey me leviathan#obey me beelzebub#obey me barbatos#obey me luke#obey me raphael#obey me mephistopheles#obey me thirteen
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