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eliemo · 3 years

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Purple Skirt

Summary: Patton and Logan look amazing in their skirts, but Virgil knows he doesn’t get the same freedom when it comes to clothing.

TWs: past abuse, past gaslighting, self esteem issues

Notes: Thank you to @self-taught-mess for giving me the idea to make the skirts angsty. Sympathetic everyone. Taglist at the end

Masterpost

The first time he’d been able to even look at a skirt without wanting to throw up was when Patton had come bouncing down the stairs, looking absolutely delighted in his new suspenders skirt, and Virgil had smiled along with him without even thinking about the memories.

He was so happy and radiant and god Virgil wished he could do the same. The idea of wearing a skirt around the mindscape, never giving it a second thought, allowing himself to be comfortable and confident like Patton could be was...amazing.

Logan had donned a skirt a couple weeks later, wearing it as casually as any other outfit, and he’d barely batted an eye when they had all jumped up to compliment him.

They were all so...comfortable with it. And of course they were, they were allowed to be. They deserved to be. Everyone was, except Virgil. He knew that.

Which is why he had no idea what had possessed him to start wearing a skirt in the privacy of his own room.

It was a horrible idea, and his hands started shaking every time he shut his door and put on the dark purple skirt, but...but he liked it. He liked wearing skirts, and the light side’s outfits had reminded him of that.

He’d tried to wear skirts a few years ago, but the Others had very quickly shut that down, drilling into his brain how selfish and horrible it was to even consider outfits like that an option.

Anyone else could wear a skirt. Anyone else could wear whatever they wanted. But Virgil didn’t have that right. Virgil was disgusting and useless, and he didn’t deserve that comfort.

Besides, they looked horrible on him. He didn’t need to look any more pathetic than he already was. He’d been mocked and beaten and screamed at for forcing other people to see him like that, for thinking for a second that it had been remotely acceptable. They’d made themselves very clear, and they hadn’t stopped until Virgil had understood. Anxiety didn’t get to wear skirts.

Now...now he knew he wouldn’t be beaten if he was caught in a skirt. He knew by now not to assume his family would hurt him, especially not over something so small.

But he’d still be told off. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be wearing something like this, knew it was disgusting of him to even try. Patton and Logan looked amazing but Virgil was...well, Virgil.

Still, after seeing Logan and Patton’s skirts he hadn’t been able to help himself. He was careful about it, only changing once a week at most with his door locked, always when he was sure he’d have time to himself where no one would come looking.

The first few times, he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror, taunts, hate, and repulsion echoing in his head every second the skirt was on. He hadn’t been able to keep it on for more than five minutes.

But recently, he’d started to feel a bit more comfortable. He knew it wasn’t ok, knew better than to risk letting anyone see him, but...with no one around to tell him how disgusting he looked, he allowed himself a few glances in the mirror, and let himself keep it on for longer.

It was comforting, freeing, and...maybe if it was anyone else, it might actually look good.

He should have known better than to drop his guard like that.

Virgil had put his skirt on about half an hour ago, closing himself off in his room until dinner, his usual ripped jeans laid out for him to quickly slip on before heading back downstairs.

He’d gotten too comfortable- too relaxed, lounging on his bed with his music playing and his eyes slipped shut and his head went foggy, losing track of time completely.

“You in there, Hot Topic?” Roman’s call and gentle knocking didn’t startle Virgil like it usually would, and he groggily lifted his head from the pillow, slipping off his headphones. “Can I come in?”

Virgil rubbed sleep from his eyes, pushed himself up on the bed, and waved a hand to unlock his door without a second thought.

He then immediately realized his mistake as soon as the handle started to turn. Shit shit shit--

He scrambled off the bed, suddenly wide awake as his feet hit the carpeted floor, but he didn’t have a chance to get anywhere to hide before Roman was standing in the doorway, eyes going wide.

For a split second, Virgil let himself be overtaken by dangerous, desperate hope. The light sides had pleasantly surprised him so many times already- it was ok for him to make mistakes, it was fine if he dropped something or made a loud noise or talked too much- so maybe...maybe this was ok too?

But then Roman opened his mouth, and old instinct and far too familiar fear took over.

“Sorry,” Virgil blurted as he shrank back, wrapping his arms around himself. “I didn’t...s-sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to--”

“Wait, what?” Roman stepped closer, and Virgil internally cursed himself for flinching. This wasn’t like last time, this wasn’t like last time. “Virgil. Why’re you sorry?”

He shrugged, suddenly hyper aware of the way the plaid skirt hugged his waist, draping just above the knee to show off the black and white striped stockings. He found himself absently tugging at the end of the material.

“I...I’m not--” he cut himself off when his voice grew unsteady, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “I’m not supposed to, but I- I wasn’t going to leave the room. I know I- that I can’t--”

“Oh, Virgil of course you can.” Roman’s voice was soft, always so genuine, and this time Virgil didn’t flinch back when the Prince took another step. “You look amazing.”

Virgil’s shoulders hunched on instinct, and he scrambled to figure out if that was sarcasm in the Prince’s tone, because he’d been expecting something far more hurtful.

“I...you don’t have to, I was just- it was stupid. I- I forgot I was wearing it, I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Roman said, but his smile suddenly dropped. “Oh, Stormcloud you’re shaking.”

Oh. Virgil hadn’t even realized how bad he’d started trembling, too scared to meet Roman’s eyes despite them radiating nothing but kindness.

“Hey.” The Prince held out his hands, and Virgil risked a cautious glance up from the floor. “Come here?”

Virgil let his shoulders drop, but his defenses were still raised, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, always expecting some kind of trap or trick. He still couldn’t help it.

But he let himself close the distance between them and fall into Roman’s chest, letting out a shuddering breath as strong arms wrapped around him, gentle but secure.

“You can wear a skirt, Virgil,” Roman said. “Did you...think I would be angry with you?”

Virgil couldn’t bring himself to speak again just yet. All he was able to manage was a small nod against Roman’s chest.

“Why?” he asked, voice still soft but Virgil thought there was a hint of something defensive. “I wear skirts all the time. So does Remus. And Patton and Logan have--”

“I know.” Virgil took another small, trembling breath. “And you- you all look great. Obviously. Everyone can- everyone can wear whatever, I’m not...I just...can’t.”

Roman pulled back slightly, but Virgil couldn’t meet his gaze. “Why not?”

“Because I’m...I’m gross, and I shouldn’t...I can’t. Not like you guys, it’s not...it’s not allowed. It’s...probably bad for my influence over Thomas or something.. Plus I, uh- I look horrible in most things anyway, so…”

He trailed off, and his heart sank when he caught a glimpse of the look on Roman’s face. He was watching Virgil intently, head tilted slightly, eyes filled with something sad and...and angry.

“I’m- I’m sorry.” Shit, he’d been talking too long hadn’t he? He was being annoying and he was still making Roman see him like this and he probably just wanted Virgil to shut up already. “I didn’t mean to ramble, I’m sorry, I’ll change and then--”

“I’m not upset with you,” Roman said, and Virgil quickly fell silent. “This is...just one more thing they took away from you, isn’t it?”

Virgil shrugged, back to wrapping his arms around himself like a useless shield. He felt tears spring to the corners of his eyes, face burning hot, and he quickly blinked them away.

“I guess,” he muttered. “They didn’t really want me to...like myself. It’s still...hard, you know? To get their voices out of my head.”

He tried not to think about it. He tried to block out the vicious, horrible things that had been said to him every time they’d raised a fist, their words just as powerful as a punch.

They’d hurt him so bad, and they’d worked so hard to make him hate himself as much as they hated him.

He wasn’t going to roll over and accept that. Not anymore. He’d get better now that he had people who loved him by his side. It just...god, it was so hard sometimes.

“I know,” Roman said, and Virgil didn’t think he’d ever heard the Prince sound so grim. “Trust me, Virgil. I know.”

Virgil didn’t doubt that. He dug his foot into the carpet, doing what he could to remind himself that Roman wasn't upset. The prince wasn’t disgusted by him, he didn’t think he was pathetic, and he wasn’t angry that Virgil was making him look at Anxiety longer than necessary.

“Yeah, well. Self esteem is overrated.”

Roman laughed, but he was still staring at Virgil with something sorrowful and uncertain. “Maybe. But if it helps, I think you look absolutely stunning.”

“What?” Virgil scoffed, even as he was sure his face was bright red by now. “N-no, I...I don’t. Look, I can just change--”

“Virgil, have you even looked in the mirror?” Roman asked, and Virgil tried not to flinch because those words had been said to him before, just under very different circumstances.

But Roman was suddenly taking his hands, dragging him (gently, of course) into Virgil’s bathroom, standing in front of the sink and looking in the mirror. It was something he tried to avoid as much as possible, but with the way Princey was beaming at him...for the moment he couldn’t find it in himself to be so apprehensive.

“How long have you had this?” Roman asked, and at Virgil’s blank stare he quickly gestured to the outfit- an older black hoodie over a white shirt, black and white stockings, and the plaid purple skirt.

“Uh...I don’t know, it’s just some clothes. The skirt is kinda new, though. I had to make a new one after my old one was…” destroyed, was really the only accurate way to put it. And they hadn’t even waited for him to take it off. Somehow he really doubted that would make Roman feel any better. “Lost. It’s...it’s pretty stupid, I know.”

“Not at all,” Princey said, and Virgil didn’t know why he couldn’t just give in and believe him. “Just look! You’re beautiful!”

He seemed so excited, eyes brimming with awe and eagerness, Virgil couldn’t bring himself to protest. Even when he was struck with the familiar urge to avert his gaze as soon as he came face to face with his own reflection.

It was just...him. Nothing special, nothing particularly good, just plain, dark and brooding Anxiety. But he’d been taught, over and over and over again, to hate every little thing about himself. Just like everyone else already did.

But that had been a lie, just like nearly everything else he’d been told. The people who mattered didn’t hate him, and they did much more than tolerate his presence.

He just...didn’t know where to start when it came to liking anything about himself.

Luckily, Roman already seemed to be two steps ahead of him.

“You are not disgusting,” he said, completely catching Virgil off guard. “And I swear, if I could I would run my sword through every single person who ever put that thought in your head.”

“Please don’t.” It came out a whisper, soft and pathetic. They’d had this talk before, countless times, but each time it sent terror shooting through his chest. “Please--”

“I know. As much as I want to make them suffer...I would never betray your trust by doing something so selfish. It will always be up to you whether or not I go after them.”

Virgil’s shoulders dropped, relief just as dizzying as the last few times. “Thank you.”

“But I mean it,” Roman said. “They were so, so wrong. We think you’re wonderful, Virgil. We...we all think you’re amazing. I know you don’t see it, but- but we do. And every day you shine just a little bit brighter.”

“Princey--”

“Did you know Patton couldn’t stop crying that first night we found out about what happened to you? He kept it together right until you fell asleep and then he...Logan held him until he exhausted himself. And Lo was...we were all so angry.”

Virgil couldn’t turn around, instead staring at Roman’s reflection through the mirror. “I...I’m--”

“This isn’t a guilt thing,” Roman clarified. “I’m saying we didn’t understand. We still don’t. How someone could look at you and not see someone incredible. You’ve been through so much and we’re...I’m honored to get to meet the person you always deserved to be.”

And, yeah Virgil was definitely going to cry now, fresh tears just replacing the ones he wiped away. But maybe that was ok, because Roman’s eyes were red and watery now too.

“Back to the point,” Roman said with a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his neck. “You can wear what you want. Always. My only request is that you don’t outshine me.”

Virgil snorted, even as uncertainty and apprehension still rested heavy on his chest. “I don’t think you have to worry about that, Princey.”

“Well, I stand by what I said,” Roman announced, clapping his hands together. “You look stunning. And I’m sure the others will agree. Patton will be thrilled to have another skirt-buddy. Why don’t we head down so you can--”

“No!”

Roman had already started for the bathroom door, stopping in his tracks and spinning back around at Virgil’s outburst. He hadn’t meant to raise his voice, but…

But the terror that had hit when Roman had caught him just moments before, the disgust with himself that had just been starting to dissipate a bit...all of it hit full force again at the thought of going downstairs like this.

He wanted to. He wanted to know he could be comfortable and learn to feel ok again so bad. But he couldn’t. There was no way.

“Virge--”

“I can’t.” And now he was going to upset Roman, after the Prince had tried so hard to get Virgil to stop being such a coward. And now he probably was going to be angry- or disappointed at the very least. Virgil wasn’t sure which one was worse. “I’m sorry, sorry it’s just--”

“Hey, it’s ok,” Roman said, with way more patience than Virgil deserved at this point. “I’m not going to force you out of your comfort zone, Emo. Prince’s honor. We go at your pace, and your pace only.”

Virgil stuffed his hands into the hoodie pockets, fighting the urge to pull up his hood. “You’re not, like...mad?”

“I’m not mad, Virgil,” Roman assured, and smiled. “Take your time. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.”

“Ok.” Virgil let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, shaky and small, and once again he wondered what he’d done to deserve this much kindness. “Ok. I’m uh, I’m gonna change. I’ll be down for dinner soon.”

There was no annoyance, no frustration or exasperated eyeroll. Just a nod from Roman and another gentle, understanding smile as the Prince slipped through the door and left him alone again.

For a moment, standing in his silent bedroom with his black jeans in his hands, Virgil considered keeping the skirt on.

He wasn’t...he wasn’t a monster. He wasn’t the selfish, horrible, grotesque villain he’d been taught to think he was.

He had the right to say, do, and wear whatever he wanted. He was just as free to exist and express himself as anyone else in the mindscape.

It was what his family told him, over and over and over again. And it was what he was trying desperately to begin to believe.

But he was almost positive that if he tried to step outside right now he’d have a panic attack before he reached the bottom of the stairs. So he took another deep breath, steadied himself, and changed back into his regular jeans and oversized hoodie.

He wasn’t going to suddenly lose the right to recover if he took his time. There wasn’t a time limit to all of this. And like Roman had said, they’d be there when he was ready.

It was another few weeks before Roman heard a knock on his door, timid and familiar enough for him to know it was Virgil before he pulled it open with a smile.

The anxious side was standing in the hall, arms wrapped around his middle as he shifted his weight from foot to foot, shoulders hunched in a defensive stand and...oh.

He was wearing the outfit Roman hadn’t gotten the chance to see since their talk in his room, complete with the plaid purple skirt that the Prince thought looked absolutely perfect on Virgil.

“Good afternoon,” Roman said, fighting to sound as nonchalant as possible, all too aware of how big of a deal this was. “You heading downstairs?”

Virgil took a minute before nodding slowly, chewing incessantly on his lip, still fidgeting in the doorway.

“Alright,” Roman said, hoping it was at least a little encouraging. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

He could see Virgil trying to compose himself, recognized the slow, deliberate breaths he was taking in an effort to fight against rising panic, and Roman’s heart throbbed at the watery, scared look in his eyes.

“Could you…” Virgil trailed off, squeezing his hands into fists. “Could you come with me? Please?”

Roman softened, and stepped into the hallway. “Of course.”

It wasn’t until he held out a hand, letting Virgil latch onto him and squeeze as tight as he needed, that he realized just how bad the anxious side was shaking. Just like the first time Roman had seen him in the skirt.

As nice as it looked, it was a fairly simple outfit. Roman had worn far more extravagant things, and other than excited compliments from Patton, no one really looked twice.

He couldn’t imagine what the others had done to make Virgil so afraid of being seen in a skirt.

But this wasn’t the time for that. Roman forcefully pushed his anger back down, and squeezed Virgil’s hand in response. He didn’t stop trembling the entire trip down the hall.

When they reached the top of the stairs, Patton and Logan’s voices began to filter in from the living room, and Virgil suddenly stopped, breath catching in his throat, looking to Roman with wide, panicked eyes.

“What...what if they--”

“Nothing bad will happen to you,” Roman said. “I swear it. But we don’t have to do this today if you aren’t ready. Like I said, we go at your pace.”

Virgil’s eyes were glued to the stairs, tense and unmoving, clutching Roman’s hand like he thought it would be ripped away at any moment.

Roman was fully willing to stand here for hours if it meant Virgil would be comfortable, but it only took a few minutes for his breathing to even out slightly, some of the tension in his shoulders coming undone.

“Ok,” he said softly, probably more to himself than to Roman. “Ok. I’m...I’m good. I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry,” Roman promised. “Your pace, Virge. I’m here.”

They made their way down the steps together, slow and steady, Roman letting Virgil move as fast as he wanted, stopping to take a few seconds to breathe whenever he needed.

Logan and Patton were lounged on the couch by the time they made it to the living room, the logical side lost to the contents of the open book on his lap.

Virgil suddenly froze in the doorway, looking up at Roman like he thought the Prince was the only thing standing in between him and certain death.

And then Patton glanced up at the movement, and Roman couldn’t remember the last time the moral side had smiled so wide.

“Oh my gosh! Virgil, you look so good!”

Virgil automatically flinched against Roman’s side as Patton jumped up from the couch, but Roman could see surprise battling with doubt and confusion as he took in Patton’s happiness.

“I...yeah?”

And in the middle of it all, a small flicker of hope.

“Yes!” Patton practically squealed. He rushed over to take Virgil’s hands, and Roman stepped away with one last reassuring smile. “I didn’t know you liked skirts, kiddo! You should have told me!”

Virgil was searching Patton’s face, probably making sure there wasn’t any hint of hidden disgust in his words, before relaxing ever so slightly. “Yeah, I...wanted to try it, I guess.”

“You look so pretty!” Patton was bouncing up and down now, Virgil’s hands still in his. “Don’t you think so, Logan?”

Roman glanced at the logical side still seated on the couch, unsurprised to find a look of pride and quiet understanding.

“He does,” Logan agreed. “The outfit itself is aesthetically pleasing, and the colors suit you very well, Virgil. I am glad you were comfortable enough to try something new.”

Virgil shrugged, cheeks turning a light shade of red, briefly meeting Roman’s eyes with a small, thankful smile. “It’s...it’s whatever.”

“We should have a skirt day!” Patton announced suddenly. “Can we have a skirt day?”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “A...skirt day?”

“We can all wear our skirts together! Do you think we could get Janus and Remus to join us?”

Roman chuckled, beyond relieved for the small smile now beginning to overtake Virgil’s features. “I’m sure you could, padre.”

“Patton, it is simply an article of clothing,” Logan pointed out, completely lost. “Why do we need an entire day dedicated to wearing it?”

“Because! It’s--”

Patton was suddenly interrupted by Virgil suddenly wrapping his arms around the moral side, pulling him close in a tight, almost desperate embrace.

Virgil so rarely was the one to initiate physical contact, as much as he needed it, always terrified of being seen as needy or ungrateful. From what Roman had gathered, Virgil had been told he was too disgusting to be touched in any way other than violent.

“Oh, kiddo.” Despite his obvious surprise, Patton didn’t hesitate before hugging back. “Can you tell me what’s wrong, honey? Did I upset you?”

Virgil shook his head, still clutching Patton’s shirt as he pulled back. Roman wanted so badly to rush over and hold him close when he realized Virgil was smiling through his tears, so clearly overwhelmed but so so relieved.

“No- no, it’s-” he took in a shuddering breath, struggling to get a hold of himself. “I’m...thank you. I just- I love you all so much.”

And then he was covering his mouth with his hand, crying quietly as Patton gathered him back into his arms, squeezing his eyes shut but relaxing further when the other two sides hurried to join the embrace.

Roman couldn’t even imagine the weight that had just been lifted from Virgil’s shoulders, how rewarding acceptance without question must have felt. Especially when for him, every step forward was like climbing a mountain.

He caught Logan sending him a questioning look, but he quickly shook his head. Later. They could talk it out later. Right now…

Right now Virgil just needed the reassurance. And Roman knew they were all more than happy to remind him they would never get tired of giving it to him.

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#sanders sides #past abuse tw #violence mention tw #sympathetic janus #sympathetic remus #sides in skirts #prinxiety #moxiety #analogical #platonic lamp #fanfiction #writing #sympathetic light sides

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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years

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Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 3

Bundy

Cult girl gets some unbelievable news.

Trigger warnings: death, emotional manipulation, discussion of cult leaders Koresh, Jones as well as Ted Bundy

"Who the fuck are you, and what the shit are you doing with my dead cousin's phone?" You said, the slam of the car door audible from the speaker.

"Cheerio to you too, [F/N]." Anna answered.

You brought the phone to your chest to muffle the speaker and heaved a sigh.

"It's fucking Anna." You told Hannibal as he climbed into the car.

He buckled his seatbelt. "Put it on speaker."

You pressed the speaker button. "Froot Loops. Why do you have Theresa's phone?"

"Don't you remember?" She asked. "I took it when she died. Hers had a much better camera than my old one. I thought I told you to update that in your contacts?"

"Oh yeah, I do remember that." You nodded. "The body wasn't even cold and you'd already gotten to grave-robbing."

"Hey, that's my sister you're talking about." Anna snapped. "Show a little respect."

You rolled your eyes so far back into your skull you could practically see your brain cells dying. "Why are you calling, Anna? I'm fairly fucking certain I told both you and grandma to never speak to me again."

"Well, grandma won't be doing much speaking anymore." Anna snapped. "Because she's dead."

You sighed. It wasn’t the first time you heard those words, and it was never true. Faking her death was the hammer in her gaslighter toolkit. Meaning that the desired outcome could be produced just as effectively using a combination of other tools, but none were as efficient as a good old-fashioned bashing. The first time, you went through the whole five stages in ten minutes to really sell that you felt something other than relief at her passing. This time, you didn’t have the energy.

“Did somebody finally strangle her to death?” You asked. “Shame, I would have liked to do it myself.”

“Are you so completely void of human emotion that you can’t even pretend to be sad?” Anna shouted.

“No, because I think this is another one of her manipulations.” You explained. “She probably roped you in thinking I’d believe it if it came out of your mouth. But the joke’s on her, because you’ve been her puppet since preschool.”

“You really are something else, [F/N].” Her voice wobbled, as if on the verge of tears. “The woman who raised us had a stroke and died. That’s not a manipulation, it’s the truth!”

You began to consider the possibility that Anna wasn’t lying. Your voice took on a more solemn tone as you resigned to give her the benefit of the doubt. "A stroke, huh?"

"She died in the hospital." She said, softly.

There was real emotion in her voice. You thought back to that high school production of Legally Blonde, which proved that she was not skilled enough at acting to fake it.

You sighed. The crushing realization that you may very well have been the jerk in this conversation hit you. "So, what now?"

"I know better than to ask you to help out with the funeral." She said. "You didn't come to Theresa's, after all."

The reason you gave for not going to Theresa's funeral was schoolwork. It was a flimsy excuse, but hid your real reasons well enough. Those were much touchier. You couldn't bear the thought of listening to people lie and embellish stories of your cousin's positive influences on people's lives. But you also couldn't bear the fact that at least some of it wouldn't be lies.

You were the one that killed her. Your fiancé chopped up her body and served it to your friends for dinner. Theresa was a sociopath, a narcissist, and plenty other highlights in the DSM-5, but the pain she left after her death was real. It was the most real thing about her. You weren't desensitized enough to face that.

"Good call." You answered, flatly.

"Liam and I will be flying out tomorrow night." She said. "I know I'm in no position to be asking for favors, but if you could come pick us up from the airport-"

"Sure." You answered with a nod. You didn't know what exactly you were agreeing to as you did. Anna's words were just dissipating into the air, hardly reaching your ears.

"Thanks." She said, as emotionlessly as you. That was perhaps the most mutual understanding you'd ever achieved with Anna. And it only lasted a couple of seconds.

That was about as natural a conclusion to the conversation as you could have hoped for, so you hung up.

Hannibal pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. "What are you thinking, love?"

You leaned your head against the window and looked up at the few visible stars. "I've spent so many years wishing her dead and now that it's finally happening, I don't know what to feel."

He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, knowing exactly how to keep you grounded when your mind started to wander off. You rested your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes. He kissed you on the head.

"I thought her dying meant I never had to think about her again." You shrugged. "But now I'm thinking about her and hating every minute of it. And that probably means I loved her. Which is terrifying to think about."

"You think about Jim Jones and David Koresh quite a bit, don't you?" Hannibal asked, squeezing you tight. "Do you love them?"

You shook your head. "That's different. That's academic curiosity."

"But why do we remember them?" Hannibal posited, stroking your arm. "Is it reverence?"

"It's to learn." You answered. "To make sure history doesn't repeat itself."

"Death isn't a sacred thing, my love." He whispered. "Don't feel bad for remembering her as cruel. That's what she was. Don't let anyone forget it."

You chuckled. "Did you know that when Ted Bundy died, a bunch of people near the prison shut their breakers off so the electrocution would be more painful?"

"Interesting." He said, referring less to the fact itself and more to the reason why it came to mind when it did.

"That is to say, I don't actually feel bad that she's dead." You clarified. "I feel bad because I know I should and I don't."

Hannibal pulled you into his arms and placed a kiss on your forehead. "I thought after four blissful years together, you would know you don't have to pretend around me."

You lowered your head. "I guess I'm just scared that if I take off my person suit around you, I'll never be able to put it back on."

"You never need to worry about that, my love." He assured you. “I know it’s scary, but all it takes is a little practice.”

“In that case,” You felt a smile creeping onto your face, so you let it. “I think we should celebrate.”

"Well that can be arranged." Hannibal rolled your hair. "With a bottle of Cava in my office."

You felt a laugh coming on, but it just came out as an ugly wheeze. "That is so unethical. I would love to."

"No," He corrected, opening the driver's side door. "It would be unethical to empty a bottle of wine down that pretty throat of yours without a little food."

"It's the middle of the night, Hanni." You objected, though the rumbling of your stomach told a different story. You slammed the car door shut.

Hannibal smiled to himself, disregarding your protests entirely. "Foie gras au torchon, with a bit of brioche, perhaps?"

"Well that sounds like a proper celebration." You grinned, tightening your grip on your clutch excitedly. “Do you mind if I get cleaned up?”

“Of course not, love, take your time.” Hannibal said, releasing you from his embrace.

You headed towards the house, a little extra spring in your step.

“Oh, [F/N]?” He called out after you.

You looked over your shoulder. “Yeah?”

“That thing you said about Ted Bundy.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m sorry to tell you, but that’s a myth.”

You frowned, feeling kind of stupid. “Shit. I really wanted it to be true.”

Hannibal smiled, reassuringly. “But hundreds of people still celebrated his death.”

#hannibal lecter #hannibal x reader #hannibal x you #hannibal nbc #cult girl #cult girl 2 #tw death #tw emotional abuse #true crime #i guess?

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luminois · 3 years

Text

— 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧;

𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨

𝐰: 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 (𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐩).

𝟐𝟓𝟏𝟑 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬, 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫.

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭.

“s-stop touching me.”

“i’m not touching you. but maybe you wish i was.”

at first you’d hoped he’d been lying, when he said you were going to spend a lot of time together. maybe he just wanted to threaten you and enjoy the fear in your eyes. but hyunjin was exceptionally true to his words, for a demon.

he hadn’t left your side since the day of your first encounter, only leaving when you went to work at the bakery or when the night came and you needed to sleep. you refused to let him in the place you worked and lived in and hyunjin had respected your wishes. which was surprising, according to what you’d been taught about his kind. you expected him to not take your words into consideration at all but so far the demon had been anything but evil. surely flirtatious and malicious in every way, trying to make you sin and reveling in how scared of him you still were, but not vile.

for weeks now hyunjin had waited outside your door in the morning, greeting you with that sly grin of his before following you around as you went on with your day. one couldn't have described him as a lost puppy, though. he walked next to you but a step back, towering over you with his hands shoved in his pockets and red eyes barely leaving the space between your shoulder blades to look straight ahead. you wondered if he was waiting for your wings to suddenly start to grow or just pondering about your most vulnerable spot.

his walk was sure, steady as if he was the one leading the way, and the dark energy radiating from him kept you walking on your toes. sometimes he showed up with red bite marks on his neck or with bruised knuckles or a split lip, at times it was all of them together. you’d thought about asking him what he got up to when he wasn’t with you but in the end you never did. the demon never seemed to have anywhere to be, so you figured he entertained himself with casual mischief you didn’t want to know about. his favorite pastime, however, were surely you.

you felt your cheeks start to burn as you looked back at him. you could swear you’d felt his touch on your back, but his hands were in his pockets as always. you’d been walking closer to each other that day. you told yourself it was all hyunjin, but the truth was that you felt colder than usual and you’d quickly found out that nothing could compare to the warmth coming from him.

“what happened, angel, cat got your tongue?” he said, his fingers now actually brushing the bare skin between your skirt and the hem of your shirt. you flinched away as if you’d been burnt and he chuckled. “it’s not a sin to let other people touch you, you know.”

“it is if the one doing the touching is you,” you muttered.

you walked faster to further the distance between you and him, but the cold clawing at your skin had you hugging yourself and rubbing your arms for relief.

“you’re cold,” hyunjin said, more an observation than a question.

you turned to answer him but your words were instantly replaced by a gasp. with one stride he’d reached you, and with a swift move of his hands he turned you around by your waist. his warm palms sent shivers down your spine, but what made you gasp was the way your skirt had shown what was underneath in the turn.

you glanced around, shame making your cheek turn scarlet red, before hyunjin held you close to his body, forcing you to look at him only.

“the street is empty, angel, nobody saw anything.”

your palms weakly pushed at his chest, trying to get away but aware you couldn’t win against his strength. “how do i know you’re not lying?”

“i wouldn’t gain anything from it,” the demon said, subtly smoothing down the fabric of your skirt. “it would be way funnier to make you believe someone saw the cute, pink little panties you’re wearing, but i’m a gentleman.”

you pondered his words and, against your better judgment, chose to trust him and his seemingly flawless logic, letting yourself relax in his hold. hyunjin’s embrace felt like basking in the sun, his arms gentle flames caressing your skin. you forgot who was holding you as his fingers weaved through your hair, but then realization hit you and you almost hit his chin with how fast you looked back up at him. your widened eyes met his smirk, and your words sounded defeated.

“you saw them, didn’t you?”

“the strawberry pattern is absolutely adorable, but i’ll have you know that my taste is a tad different.”

you could feel your heartbeat in your cheeks from how warm they were, and you’d never felt more embarrassed than in that moment. you tried to get out of his arms again, warmth be damned, and your frustration started getting pent up at how weak you felt when he didn’t budge an inch.

your hand was on his cheek before you could stop it. you covered your mouth with that same hand as you watched his skin become an angry red. the slap had resonated in the quiet street and rendered you both speechless, and now the silence was weighing heavy over you.

for the first time since you’d met him, hyunjin looked surprised, a change from his usually unbothered demeanor. if you’d been scared of him before now you were terrified, shaking like a leaf under his widened eyes and parted lips. what was he going to do to you? all you had against him was yourself, and your delicate human form didn’t offer anything useful in that situation.

wrath. you’d let that first sin take over you and your punishment was looking down at you, with shining red eyes and bruising touches. you silently asked for forgiveness, hoping someone would hear you, and waited.

and then the demon smiled. genuine, thrilled. perplexed, you watched the stamp of your palm become visibly painful and hyunjin’s smile grown at the same time. he looked like a maniac, but the enthusiasm written on his face made him beautiful, too.

“that felt good, right?” he said, now holding on tight to your arms, nodding to himself. “that’s what freedom feels like.”

you gaped at him, trying to get some words of dissent out while you feverishly shook your head. because it had been liberating, and the way your palm was still pulsing from the hit made you feel pleasantly warm, and now you had to choose between lying and admitting you wanted to feel that adrenaline again.

“sorry, am i interrupting something?”

hyunjin looked away from you and towards the source of that voice, which to you sounded blissfully similar to one of a savior angel. you pushed him away and turned around to smile at the newcomer, holding down your skirt.

“not at all! just a friendly conversation, that’s all,” you said, stepping closer. “do you need help?”

the person’s eyes traveled from you to hyunjin, who hadn’t moved at all, back to you again. the redness on hyunjin’s cheek was hard to ignore and you couldn't know if they’d actually seen it happen.

“i do,” they said, still unsure about the whole situation but feeling strangely relieved by your smile. “i’ve been told you help people and i could really use a piece of advice right now.”

“absolutely! i’m always here to help.”

they offered you a small smile and fiddled with their hands, visibly nervous. “there’s this friend of mine who’s really busy and often asks me for help with things like cleaning her house when she’s at work and running some errands for her. i really have no problem helping her out, but i guess somewhere along the way she started demanding i help her instead of asking, and now she gets mad when she comes home and i haven’t cleaned or cooked something for her to eat. i don’t want to lose our friendship, but it’s like i’m working for her for free and it takes time out of the things i need to do for myself, too.”

“i’m sorry that’s happening,” you said, trying to reassure them with a gentle hand on their shoulder. “have you tried talking to her about it, saying that you think it’s unfair and she should stop?”

“i’ve tried to bring up the subject but she just starts to talk about how she’s so tired from her job and it makes me feel awful.”

“maybe you can try again and-”

behind you, hyunjin scoffed loudly, cutting you off. you turned around to glare at him. “i’m sorry, do you have something to say?”

“i do, actually.”

hyunjin walked closer until he was standing next to you, looking down at the stranger with a smirk, making them blush and fiddle with their hands again. “this friend you talk about and do so much for isn‘t your friend at all, sweetheart.”

“hyunjin!” you hissed, the person’s face falling at his words, but he ignored you.

“she’s manipulating you into doing all this stuff for her, gaslighting you when she doesn’t get what she wants, and she doesn’t even thank you for it.”

“how do you know…”

“i’ve met tons of people like her,” he said, now turning to look at you, “and asking them to stop politely isn’t going to work.”

“it could! kindness always pays back.”

“it won’t, and kindness is what got them in this situation in the first place.” hyunjin turned back to the stranger, chuckling at their confused expression. “listen to me sweetheart, a hungry man either learns how to fish or starves to death. use an excuse to stop doing all of this shit for her and in a matter of days she’s going to do it herself, you don’t work for her unless she starts to pay you. and if she keeps being a pain in the ass, start using sugar instead of salt when you cook for her, accidentally set her couch on fire, be incapable on purpose and she’ll beg you to stop ‘helping’.”

you watched horrified as the person weighed his words, actually taking them into consideration, and tasted anger. it was a bitter feeling, clawing at your skin and making it impossible to think clearly. you couldn’t find anything to say to the person to make them forget about all the unreasonable suggestions the demon had given them, and the pent up frustration made your hand ache to hit hyunjin again. instead, you planted your blunt nails in your palms and glared at him.

“that’s nonsense, how could lying and causing trouble on purpose fix their friendship?”

hyunjin rolled his eyes. “when’s the last time you’ve had a friend, angel?”

“what’s that got to do with anything?!” you said, pushing away the thought of your existence in paradise. the answer to his question was that you couldn’t remember a time when you weren’t lonely.

“if you had any you would know that asking politely doesn’t work. what do they do once their friend ignores the problem again? keep asking until she’s so annoyed with them she stops being their friend for good? that’s how you lose people, not how you keep them.”

as remarks kept bouncing back and forth in this argument, where nobody was really willing to listen, the person who’d asked for help felt stuck in the middle. rumors had it that you were great at helping people, but the advice you’d given them didn’t sound like it would bring the situation anywhere. on the other side, this guy’s advice sounded like a solution, but he didn’t look very reliable and he’d earned a slap from an apparently really kind girl like you, so could he really be trusted?

you only noticed they’d left minutes later and glared at hyunjin as you heard him chuckle about it. “what’s so funny? they’ll probably go and ruin their friendship, and it’s your fault.”

“you’re what’s funny, angel.”

“excuse me?”

“maybe intriguing is a better word,” he said before turning around. “i’ll show you something.”

you watched him walk away, certain you were going to follow him. you blinked your confusion away walked fast to catch up to his long strides.

on the rooftop of the abandoned building, you could see most of the small city, a maze of streets who had once been lively. you walked closer to the railing, afraid of the height but too fascinated by the sight. it was an unsettling type of beautiful, you had to admit, but you didn’t understand why hyunjin wanted to show it to you.

“what does-”

“you’re looking the wrong way, angel,” he said and you turned to look at him, a question on the tip of your tongue, but all you managed to do was gasp.

the demon was leaning on the staircase’s wall, a smile playing on his lips, and behind him a graffiti that filled the entire wall. angel wings, so detailed they seemed real, too similar to the ones of real angels to have been made by a human. there were some particular aspects of real angel wings that the human depictions had failed to grasp, but not this one.

you took slow steps and reached out your hand, mesmerized as your soft fingertips came in contact with the rough wall. hyunjin’s eyes followed your every move.

“who made this?” you asked, unable to tear your eyes away.

“humans, but the drawing is mine,” he said, smile widening when you looked at him, surprised. “when i met them they were artists without inspiration, but this helped.”

“you’ve seen an angel’s wings before?”

“i’m a century old, little angel, there’s very little i haven’t seen yet.” the demon twirled a stand of your hair around his finger and then gently pushed your shoulders until your back was against the wall. “but you’re the first angel i’ve ever seen slapping somebody or raising their voice, i didn’t think creatures like you existed.”

“you’re rubbing off on me,” you muttered, warmth spreading in your chest as he chuckled and caressed your cheek with the back of his hand, before stepping back.

walking backwards, hyunjin crouched down to take in the sight of you, in the middle of the graffiti, the wonderful wings looking like they were coming out of your back. “i wish you could see how beautiful this crime looks right now.”

right, a crime. a graffiti that had ruined a public property. but then how come you felt like it made it better? a plain, sad building nobody cared about had been turned into art. how was this hurting anybody, how could this be considered a sin?

“i think… i think this crime makes me happy.”

hyunjin smiled, and you heard his words in the back of your mind. this is what freedom feels like.

do you want to read more?

banner by @blueprint-han

taglist: @sleepylixie @bobateastay @meiiyue @aliceu @softieyn @riel-precious @witchylixie @tulipsandfire @sparklemin @anskiie @tpwkjerii @blackkacchan @fournia @parachuuuus @inlovewithasa @skzshortcake

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css1992 · 3 years

Text

Guilty Pleasure

[Porn AU]

Summary: Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM.

Warnings: 18+, explicit, references to past non-con/rape (not between main pairing, not explicit), daddy kink, Peter in lingerie, references to gaslighting and abusive relationship (not between main pairing, not explicit). The warnings are for the story as whole, not for this chapter specifically. I’ll add more in the future, if needed.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII / Part VIII / Part IX / Part X / Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

“He can’t do this!” Ned slammed his hands down on the counter between them, as Peter took a swig of the cheap wine he bought with the last ten bucks he had in his wallet. “He isn’t even in all of the videos, at least half of the money is rightfully yours!” He kept going, stating the obvious, but Peter just sighed and shrugged.

“I’m not disagreeing with you, Ned, I’m just relaying what he told me: he’s not gonna give me anything. It’s his channel, his equipment, the money from the subscriptions goes straight to his bank account, so it’s his. It’s all his. His words, by the way.” He took another swig of wine straight from the bottle. He had been drinking from a small glass Ned offered him – he wasn’t a pirate – but it soon proved to be too small to quench his pain, so. Yeah. Pirate style it was.

“You have to sue his ass, Peter, he can’t get away with this,” MJ intervened. She was sitting next to him on a stool by the kitchen counter, so he turned to look at her with a deep frown on his face.

“Did you not hear me saying I just spent my last ten dollars on this bottle of wine? I have, like, twenty four cents left in my pocket. And that’s it. I can’t hire a lawyer, I can’t even feed myself right now!” He raised his voice a little, but quickly got himself back under control and apologized. His friends were not to blame for his predicament – they did try to warn him Beck was bad news, he didn’t want to listen. “And you know what? I don’t give a fuck. He can choke on all of it if he wants, the videos, the money, the subscribers, I don’t fucking care.” It wasn’t true, of course. Well, partially. He really didn’t care about the money, videos, subscribers, etc, but he cared about Beck. He would have given everything else up if it meant he could keep him.

Which was stupid of him, of course. But he certainly wasn’t winning any awards for being a great decision maker.

“It’s still not fair. I mean, I knew that guy was sleazy, but you’d think he’d have the decency to at least give you something, you know? You’ve been together for three years, he’s been making money off your ass for almost as long. How could he just fucking kick you out and not give you a single dime? After all the money you’ve made for him? It’s fucking sick, that guy is fucking psychopath if you ask me.” MJ’s face was turning red from anger, which made Peter smile a little. It felt good to know he was loved by someone, even if he hadn’t been the best friend to them for the past few years.

The thought made him close his eyes for a second, guilt creeping over him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d called either of them – maybe on Ned’s birthday, almost two months earlier. They used to be inseparable, the three of them; the three musketeers, as corny and lame as it sounded. For years, those two were the only family he knew, but when Beck came into his life, everything changed.

Stupid fucking Beck.

Peter used to think of him as his own personal super-hero – it did feel like he had come to save him, after all. They met when he was seventeen, he had been living in foster homes for almost seven years by then, after Ben and May passed away. At the time, he was with his fifth family, and there were so many children in that house, so many of them came and went, that their foster parents didn’t really keep tabs most of the time. It was easy to sneak out, and Peter did, often.

He met Beck on one of his night walks – and their first meeting should have raised all kinds of red flags, but for whatever reason, it didn’t. Beck slowed the car next to him, rolled down the window and asked how much Peter charged for a blowjob. Just like that. The teen gasped at first, but when he looked around for a moment, he realized he wasn’t in the most family friendly neighborhood. There were, in fact, some men and women around him who definitely looked like they were there for that, but Peter was in sweats, for crying out loud, and he definitely looked his age – or even younger than that.

His wide eyes must have given him away, because the older man quickly apologized and showed him a charming, white smile. He made up some excuse about mistaking him for someone else and the boy said it was ok. He was going to keep walking when Beck asked what his name was. Then how old he was. Then where he was going, where he ha come from.

Looking back, Peter knew he should have run. He should have left, because there was no excuse for an adult man like him to keep asking a teenager so many questions right after he basically offered him money to suck his dick. But that Peter, that 17-year-old boy, was still a bit too naive. To have such a handsome man showing interest in him – his kind, blue eyes smiling at him, warm and safe – was inebriating. He actually looked at him. And cared. At least Peter thought he did at the time. And he was so lonely back then, even that little bit of attention meant the world to him.

He should have run, but he stayed. Should have run, but got in his car. Should have run, but ended up giving him a clumsy hand job in the backseat, after just a few sweet promises whispered in his eager ears. Beck was so good with words, he could have convinced Peter to jump off a bridge that very same night if he wanted.

They exchanged phone numbers. For weeks, they texted and called each other, until they could meet again. By then, he was smitten. At twenty, he could see how innocent he had been, how trusting and open he was with a complete stranger. A 32 year-old stranger, at that. Ned and MJ, his only friends from school, warned him that it wasn’t okay. That it was weird for a man his age to be interested in a teenage boy, but Peter said they were wrong. He said he wasn’t just a regular kid, he had been through stuff they could only imagine. He was mature and experienced, and Beck could see that, which was why he liked him.

Looking back now, it was embarrassing how wrong he was. Beck was an illusionist. Sad thing was everyone could see the trapdoor but him.

“So what are you gonna do now?” MJ asked, fishing another bottle of wine from under the counter and placing it in front of Peter, who almost cried in gratitude.

“You mean besides crying myself to sleep for the next few months?” He wasn’t really joking. The only reason he wasn’t crying right at that moment was because he had spent almost three hours bawling his eyes out on a park bench close to their – well, Beck’s – apartment, hoping against hope that Beck would reconsider and come after him. When it became clear it wasn’t going to happen, he headed to the only place he knew he could find refuge – even if he didn’t deserve it.

“Yeah, besides that, obviously.” She opened the wine bottle and before he could take it and drink straight from it, she poured three glasses and Peter sighed, defeated.

“I have no idea.” He answered, only slightly surprised that he actually meant it. He had absolutely no clue what to do. For three years, he hadn’t had to worry about money – or anything, really. Beck took care of everything and he just assumed it would always be like that. That he would always have him by his side to take care of him.

He rubbed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Are you going to keep doing porn?” Ned asked, a worried expression on his face. Peter remembered he hated the idea when Beck first suggested it, as soon as he turned eighteen.

People are gonna lose it, Beck said. A pretty little twink and a hot daddy? We’re going to be a hit.

And they were. Their first videos blew up quickly, people were either disgusted by the thought of them together – because of the age gap – or completely enthralled. The haters helped them get more views, and Peter soon learned that there really was no such thing as bad publicity. Beck promoted their videos on twitter, where they accumulated thousands of followers. Peter remembered that, back then, many people sent him worried messages, saying he was too young, that Beck was a predator, that he was taking advantage of him.

In retrospect, they might have been right, after all.

He wasn’t too sure about doing porn when they first started, he knew once they released the first video, there was no going back, there was no way they could ever take it down – the internet was forever. Nothing was ever truly deleted. He wanted to be a dad someday, what if his children ever saw those videos in the future? What would have Ben and May thought? What about his parents?

None of this matters, honey, Beck assured him. These kids don’t even exist yet, don’t worry about them. And your relatives, well… They’re gone, sweetie. You can’t really disappoint them anymore.

So Peter did it. And he was terrified at first, he felt so exposed, people all over the world could see him in his most vulnerable moments, all of him, in every position Beck managed to put him in, in any outfit he thought the public might like, in any setting he thought might bring in more viewers, more subscribers, more money.

Soon, just the two of them weren’t enough. Their viewers wanted to see Peter with other people – other daddies – and Beck saw another opportunity to increase his profit. Peter was strongly against the idea at first, it felt too much like prostitution, which was where he wanted to draw the line, but, again, Beck sweet-talked him into it.

It’s nothing like prostitution, honey, he said. I’ll be there the whole time, I’ll be the one filming and directing, I’ll be the one paying the other actors, all the profits are ours. How is that anything like prostitution? It’s just like what we’ve been doing so far.

So not only there were a bunch of videos of him and Beck out there in the world, there were also lots of videos of him with other men, some of whom were old enough to be his actual dad. There was even one video in particular that he was specially embarrassed by – and sadly enough, that was the most viewed one so far. It was fucking humiliating.

At some point, Peter should have realized it became all about money for Beck – and maybe it had been like that all along, he just hadn’t noticed before. Over the last few months of their relationship, they never had sex just for fun, just for the hell of it. There were always cameras, and lights, and roles to play. Beck never said he loved him anymore. Barely touched him. Barely kissed him. He should have seen it coming. He had been too blind, or just… Didn’t want to see what was happening right before his eyes. He ignored all the signs. The voice in the back of his head telling him something was off.

But anyway, porn. Could he still do it?

“I don’t know,” he answered, finally. He looked at his best friends and sighed with a shrug. “To be honest, it was never something I enjoyed, and I don’t know if I could ever do it without him somehow involved, you know? I did it with him because I felt… Safe? I don’t want to get involved in the actual porn industry, I’ve heard some pretty fucked up stories.” Peter had heard horror stories about other boys in the industry, and even though his own story was no fairy tale, there was nothing so bad that it couldn’t get worse.

“How about Just4Fans?” MJ asked and both Peter and Ned turned to look at her in shock. “What? You guys were pretty popular, right? You won awards and shit, so there must be at least a few hundred people out there who would pay money to see some dirty pictures of you, maybe some short videos. That way you won’t need to go into professional porn and you wouldn’t need a partner, but you could still make decent money. And fast.”

Well, it actually made sense. It wasn’t like there weren’t hundreds of videos of him being fucked raw all over the internet, anyway. A few dirty pictures couldn’t hurt. And besides, it didn’t need to be forever, just until he figured something out.

“That’s… actually not a bad idea,” he conceded, drinking the last of the wine in his glass. MJ sympathetically filled it up again and he mumbled his thanks.

“What do you think he will do now?” Ned asked carefully, and Peter shrugged for what felt like the hundredth time. There was so much he didn’t know.

“Probably keep shooting videos with his new boy-toy.” He managed to say it with a steady voice, but his eyes burned. He still couldn’t believe how… replaceable Beck thought he was.

When he noticed them interacting online a few months earlier, before the boy was even eighteen, Peter was alarmed, but when he confronted the older man about it, he said he was crazy and seeing things, picking up fights for no reason. He always twisted things in a way that, somehow, Peter was the one apologizing to him in the end.

Months later, just weeks after the kid turned eighteen, there he was – homeless, penniless and lost – meanwhile the other guy was probably getting comfortable in his bed. If Peter didn’t hate the kid, he would pity him. In a few years, he would probably meet the same fate.

“Do you think he would take the videos down if you asked?” Ned asked, and Peter scoffed.

“Yeah, right, those videos will still make him a lot of money monthly, he’d never delete them.” And Peter would have to live with the fact that he would always be just one google search away from complete humiliation and exposure. If he ever tried to get a serious job, those videos would stand in the way. If he ever managed to meet somebody decent and good, those videos would be a testament to what sort of person he was in the past. Fuck, some of them were really fucked up.

“So… Should we create fake twitter accounts to trash talk his short dick or what?” MJ was already grabbing her phone and Peter laughed halfheartedly, shaking his head.

“He’s not worth it. Karma will take care of him, I’m sure.” He drank the last of his wine and whimpered sadly. “So… Can I crash with you guys for a few days? I promise I’m not gonna overstay my welcome! I’ll be out of your hair as soon as the Just4Fans thing works out.”

“Of course you can, nerd, stay as long as you need. We’ve got your back, c’mon.” MJ got up from her stool and gestured for him to do the same. “Do you mind taking the couch?” She asked as she headed to her bedroom in the tiny apartment.

“Not at all,” he answered with a sigh of relief, then went to grab his suitcase by the door. Three years together and that was all he had to show for it. A single suitcase with a few changes of clothes, after being kicked out of the house on a cold February night. His eyes burned but he took a deep breath, blinking them rapidly to avoid the tears.

“Then make yourself at home. Our casa es su casa.” MJ placed a pillow on the couch and handed him a thick, warm blanket.

“We’ll figure something out, okay?” Ned clasped him on the shoulder with a gentle smile on his face.

“Okay.” He sighed, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his crushed chest.

He waited for his friends to go into their respective rooms, waited to hear their quiet snores, before he allowed the tears to run freely down his face, replaying everything Beck said to him when he kicked him out.

Before he knew it, he was a sobbing a little, so he buried his face in the pillow to muffle the noise, as he tried to convince himself that things were going to be okay, that he was going to be okay. But at that moment, that was hard to believe.

#starker #peter parker x tony stark

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stina-is-a-punk-rocker · 3 years

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jacqueline wilson’s ‘love lessons’

tw: abuse, pedophilia, characters making Bad Decisions, long unnecessary spiel about my childhood like I’m running a recipe blog

It’s funny how loads of the authors who helped shaped me into the vaguely humanoid being I am today have names beginning with the letter ‘J’; Judy Blume, Jeff Kinney, John Green, J.K. Rowling (yikes, I know) … and Jacqueline Wilson.

I’ve never owned a Jacqueline Wilson book of my own; they were always borrowed from a friend, or from a friend of a friend, or from a friend of a cousin- you get the gist. Her books, for me, come with an entire aesthetic: something reminiscent of yard sales, and reading under the covers with a flashlight, and being lulled into a false sense of security by the deceptively innocent Nick Sharratt illustration on the cover until someone’s best friend gets mowed over.

So I knew what I was getting into when I picked up Love Lessons. I knew this was going to be Fucked Up; and boy, was I right.

(Here’s the part where I warn you about spoilers.)

From an abusive dad to creepy child predator teachers to slut-shaming and victim blaming, this book has it all.

The main character is Prudence ‘Prue’ King, who is homeschooled at the beginning of the book, along with her sister, Grace. Their parents remain rooted in the early twentieth century, and are very strict about- well, everything. No TV, no computers, not a single mobile phone in the house; their clothing worse than the orphans’ from Annie; and their father remains distinctly distrustful of modern institutions like the school and the hospital; and so on, and so forth.

Daddy King suffers a stroke, and has to be taken to the hospital. Meanwhile, Mrs. King (a floppy, spineless woman who lives in fear and awe of her, frankly horrid, husband) sends the girls to school, behind the then invalid Mr. King’s back. Cue Prue and Grace being the freakshows of the school, with their strange clothing and overbearing mother.

Grace manages to make friends, but Prue remains alone. The kids are dicks, the teachers are dicks… well, all of them but one. And that’s the art teacher, Mr. Raxberry (I just couldn’t get over that name; it seems like something you’d name a mythical plant from Pixie Hollow or some shit. I’m assuming it isn’t an actual name, since the spelling & grammar check on my computer doesn’t seem to recognize it), or Rax, as he’s called.

Oh, yeah; Prudence’s favorite subject in school is art, and she’s a whiz at it. This is relevant, because reasons.

And here’s where stuff gets murky. Prue develops a crush on Rax- which is perfectly normal. I’m definitely no stranger to it; I’ve had crushes on my teachers, my mum admitted she used to think one of her professors was cute. And yeah, as I grew older, I grew out of those crushes and now have a markedly more refined taste in men (unless he’s 5’ 7’’, born in ’97 and named Bang Chan, I don’t want him); and my mum married my dad, so I’m assuming she did, too. Admittedly, now that my dad teaches at a university, it’s icky to think that there might be students who have crushes on him- but I digress.

My point is, loads of us have liked our teachers. But I doubt the majority of us have acted on it.

And Prue actively showing her interest in Rax isn’t the worst part. That’s a spot reserved for Rax reciprocating her feelings.

Guess Ezra Fitz and Ms. Grundy (yes, I watched Riverdale; please don’t cancel me) have a new addition to the Creep Club.

The age of consent in the UK is 16, if I’m not mistaken. Prue is 14. She’s just barely become a teenager, and she’s being preyed upon.

Because that is what Rax is. He’s a predator; he preys upon this vulnerable girl who’s never been in a relationship before- hell, she’s never even had friends- her father’s abusive, so she obviously doesn’t have the best experience when it comes to men- she’s unpopular at school, with the students and staff alike- and he lures her in. I don’t care how bloody nice he is to Sarah, or what a good dad he is (well, he’s really not, seeing as he cheated on the mother of his children WITH A BLOODY FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD)- the guy’s a fucking pedophile.

I was staunchly stuck at a yellow light with him; like, sure, maybe Prue thinks he’s flirting with her- maybe she’s looking at this all wrong, she doesn’t know how relationships work- see, he drew a picture of Sarah, too, in his secret notebook- Prue’s just reading into this too much- up until he says he loves her.

Dude. Humbert fucking Humbert. She’s fourteen, for Christ’s sake, and you’re married. You have two children. She’s a child. She’s probably closer to your son’s age than she is to yours.

(This is the part where I bury my head in my pillow. And scream. Extensively, and with passion.)

The book does make some genuinely good commentary on slut-shaming and victim blaming and abusive parenting. And on one hand, I can see why so many people find issue with the romanticization of the when I kissed the teacher trope- but I can defend it, too.

The book is in Prue’s perspective. She thinks she’s in love with Rax, so obviously, she’s not going to throw in some valuable moral at the end- because she’s too young and inexperienced to think otherwise. And sadly, there are loads of instances of child abuse that go unreported because the victims just don’t know better.

What I have issue with is how the school dealt with it, ultimately. Prudence, a child, has to deal with the consequences of the actions of a literal child predator. Sure, Rax ‘clears his name’ by cooking up some bullshit story about how it was only a crush and he didn’t encourage it, but you’d think other adults would know better and, oh, I dunno- dig deeper into it, instead of blaming it on a child?

“She says you told Mr. Raxberry you loved him and he held you in his arms and fondled you.”

Which Prudence denies, because, again, she doesn’t know better. She then goes on to say that they did nothing wrong. To which the adult speaking to her, in this case, the principal, Miss Wilmott, goes on to say:

“I’m not sure that’s entirely true… I feel that there are some aspects of your friendship that could be considered inappropriate.”

FYI, lady, he kissed her- multiple times (not that kissing her once makes him any more redeemable), and told her he loved her, and admitted to fantasizing about running away with her and leaving his family behind. Fun fact: do you know Prudence is underage?

You’d think that Miss Wilmott would maybe give this whole fiasco a favorable ending, but it turns out she listens to school gossip;

“I haven’t been at all happy with your attitude. You don’t seem to understand how to behave in school. I’ve heard tales of unsuitable underwear and then a silly romance with one of the boys in your class. I feel that in the space of a few short weeks you’ve made rather a bad name for yourself… I don’t know whether you intend to be deliberately insolent but you certainly come across as an unpleasantly opinionated and arrogant girl… I can’t help feeling that you’ll be much better off elsewhere. I shall try hard to engineer a suitable transfer to another school.”

And then she comes out with this gem:

“If you won’t leave, then I shall have to ensure that Mr. Raxberry finds another position.”

“No, you can’t do that! He’s a brilliant teacher.”

“You should have thought of that before you started acting in this ridiculous and precocious manner. If I were another kind of headteacher, I would have Mr. Raxberry instantly suspended. There could even be a court case. He would not only lose his job, he could find himself in very serious trouble. Did you ever stop to think about that?”

Girlboss, gaslight and gatekeep. The fucking trifecta.

Also, by ‘another kind of headteacher’, does she mean the kind of headteacher WHO DOESN’T LET CHILD PREDATORS ROAM FREELY WITHIN THEIR HALLS?

This bitch is out here blaming a child, a literal child, for the crimes of an adult man.

The only time Prue seems aware of the fact that Mr. Raxberry is actually a very shit person is her immediate thoughts that follow after she tells Miss Wilmott she’ll take the fall;

I so wanted to save darling Rax- and yet why hadn’t he wanted to save me? Had he told Miss Wilmott it was all my fault, that I’d got a ridiculous crush on him, that I’d made ludicrous advances to him? … I wanted to tell this horrible, patronizing woman how hungrily he’d kissed me, but I couldn’t do it. I loved him. I had to help him.

NO, SWEETHEART; YOU MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT.

And maybe I’m going overboard with all these excerpts, but here’s what Rax has to tell Prue, after school, following her expulsion:

“I let her think the worst of you, the best of me, just to save my skin. I said it was ridiculous talking about a love affair between us. I said you simply had a crush on me, and that I was just trying to be kind… You were brave enough to stand up to me and force me to acknowledge the truth… I love you… That’s why I had to take a risk and see you this one last time. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t care… Every night when I close my eyes, I’ll think of us together in this car and how badly I wanted to drive off with you. I’ll imagine us walking hand in hand at the water’s edge… I wish I wasn’t such a coward.”

(I burrow into the pillow further. I’m trying to suffocate myself.)

And that’s where I think Wilson went wrong. Sure, Prudence getting expelled for something that was completely out of her hands is unfair, and horrible, but it’s real. That shit can happen.

What’s bad is showing Rax in a positive light after all that. If only Wilson had written Rax to not be the Romeo he thinks he is. Make him ignore Prudence, throw her under the bus in front of her face, instead of this star-crossed lovers bullshit it’s made out to be. Show your younger audience that Rax is not a good man. I’ve got a little over two weeks left for my twentieth; I can see why this is unacceptable. But I was a little younger than Prue when I watched Pretty Little Liars, and my only gripe with Aria dating Ezra was that Noel Kahn was so much cuter.

It shows when you scroll down the Goodreads reviews; you’ve got adults giving it one or two stars, and teenagers giving it four or five, with their biggest complaints being, “but Toby was cuter!!!”

Other non-pedophilia related complaints regarding the book include: Prudence being unlikable- which I didn’t really notice, considering she reacted to some people way better than I would’ve, even at 19 (which probably says a lot more about me than it does about Prue, but oh well). Still, Prudence obviously isn’t the most prudent of people- and again, she’s fourteen. Look me in eye and tell me you weren’t an arsehole at that age (unless you’re fourteen now, in which case, I assure you that you’ll look back on yourself someday and go ‘wtf was I thinking’). Bringing up Toby’s dyslexia in an argument was low, though.

There were people who thought the Kings’ almost-Amish lifestyle was exaggerated and unrealistic, but I assure you, it may very well be real. There are 8 billion people on the world- it’s fair to assume that several of them are complete weirdos.

Grace was a sweet character, and I adored her with every fiber of my being. As were her friends Iggy and Figgy. Honestly, I would’ve loved a book about Iggy, Figgy and Piggy’s (mis)adventures too.

#love lessons #jacqueline wilson #teacher #teacher crush #teacher x student #anti ezria #ezria #pretty little liars #aria montgomery #ezra fitz #when i kissed the teacher #book review #books

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volturiwolf · 3 years

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The Volturi Princess - A Felix Volturi x fem!Reader Story (part 2)

No of Words: 5182

Mentions of: Abandonment, Abortion, Anxiety, Blood, Bruises, Coma/Comatosed State, Death Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Physical Pain, Gaslighting, Greece/Greek Language - with translation, Heartbreak, Italian Language - with translation, Manipulation, Murder, Pain, Panic Attacks, Pregnancy, Suffering, Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts, Swear Language, Throwing Up/Puking, Witches/Wizards/Witchcraft

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part 1

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Felix’s POV:

My days in the castle were becoming more and miserable by the minute. I couldn’t stop thinking about (Y/N), she was always on my mind. When there was a mission, I would make myself forget her for a while and would focus on my job. But in times like this, when there was nothing to do in particular, I would stay in my room for hours and hours, and just wouldn’t think about anything else, but her.

It must have been about two decades or so that she left Volterra to “explore the world”, as she said. Time is pretty subjective when you’re supposed to live forever. Yet, I was mentally counting every moment she was away. I was taking mental notes of everything that was going around here, every prank Demetri and I would pull off to annoy either Jane or each other, every important event or mission we were sent to, so I could tell (Y/N) later. I smiled at the thought of her laughing along with me, and then my smile dropped when I realized she may never even come back.

Why would she? Living with the Volturi - with Aro - controlling her life, how she should have looked like, how she was expected to act in every different situation, and, on top of that, pushing her to her physical and mental limits to declare any gift besides strength, speed and tracking must have been exhausting for her. All these years.. All these years of emotional isolation must have affected her greatly.

Aro had never been the most affectionate person I’ve met. When the twins joined the Volturi, and then the Guard, he focused on them exclusively, training and mentoring them every day to develop their gifts. (Y/N) was pushed aside, a lost cause; she would never be the powerful vampire/weapon Aro hoped he acquired all these centuries ago.

He hoped that she would manage to declare a power similar to her mother - an exceptional mind-reader (and shield, as we found out centuries later) or even a new and unique power, given her father’s lineage. (Y/N) never expressed anything “unique” for Aro’s standards, but to me, she was just perfect. We were equally strong and fast - maybe she was even stronger and faster than me, and she was also an incredible tracker, like Demetri, though he could track anyone he has ever met, just by hearing their conscience.

And now, she is gone. She had left me. I caught myself quite a few times thinking what would our lives be like, had I told her how I felt - and still feel - about her. I am pretty sure that she was feeling the same, that she felt our bond, our connection. But, just like her, I never came forward; I was never true to myself, or her; I never told her that I would dedicate my immortal life to her if that meant that she would stay here with me.

And now, I pay for it. I've been drowning in misery and pain. Not physical pain, I could handle physical pain by now. Even Jane’s induced pain was nothing compared to the kind of pain I’ve been feeling ever since (Y/N) left. I felt as if I were a mortal and my heart was ripped out of my body and stepped on. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, though I didn’t actually need to breathe.

Demetri must have heard my sharp gasps for air, as my door opened widely, a terrified Demetri standing under the framework. He stared at my unwell state, and rushed to me, hugging me tightly. I left a few sobs and felt tears that couldn’t come. Demetri did not say a word for a few minutes, stroking my hair with his left hand and holding me with his right one. I held onto him as if I was holding on for dear life.

My mind was just blurry and I couldn’t think straight. Was that what it felt like, being away from your mate? I missed her dearly. All these years, I never told anyone other than Demetri about (Y/N) possibly being my mate, although I think Marcus would probably know already.

As my sobs started coming to an end, I was able to finally take deep breaths, and focus my mind on a particular spot on the floor to calm myself. Demetri cupped my face with his hands, trying to calm me down by saying a few comforting words. To outsiders, this scene may have looked strange, if not weird, but Demetri and I, being best friends for almost one millennium, had that kind of intimacy, and we both liked how open we could be to each other.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them slowly, feeling a bit calmer than I did 10 minutes ago. I needed to feel each moment of my pain; I needed to feel again what it’s like being apart from the only person I ever loved; I needed to remember every moment I was close to her, and then wasn’t.

“Are you feeling better now?” Dem asked calmly, still holding my face. I nodded slightly, and he let his hands fall on his lap. “Were you thinking about (Y/N) again?” I nodded again. I nodded again.

He frequently caught me thinking absentmindedly, or even sobbing slightly, but never a full-on breakdown. He took my quite big hands in his smaller ones, patting them condescendingly. I didn’t want to be pitied by others, but Dem never made fun of me for hurting, never made me feel less of the “evil executioner” I was known to be.

“I don’t know what it feels like, being separated from your mate, so I won’t tell you how to feel or act about it. I just want you to know that you can come to me if you feel down. It pains me to see you hurting, though I understand that her very absence has affected you greatly. I just want you to know that I’m here for you, and I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. You may not see it, but Alec, even Jane, worries about you and want you to be happy. We will all do whatever it takes to see you happy again, even if that means running after (Y/N)..”

My head jolted. I asked him if he was serious. “I’m not lying or joking, Felix. If we have to go after her and bring her back to you, we’ll do it. You’re our friend and we’re your friends. That’s what friends do.”

I couldn’t believe it! There was a chance that (Y/N) was still out there, and my friends were willing to help me find her. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, the Witch Twins felt like true friends to me, and as long as I had them and Demetri, I think I could do anything in this world.

Now, we just had to talk to the twins, and see what they thought of it. I don’t know if we were even allowed to drop off all the missions and duties we had here and go search for (Y/N). I know we had to take the kings’ permission before we could do anything, and I was worried and kind of terrified with the idea of them knowing (Y/N) and I were mates, and how badly in love I was with her.

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Demetri’s POV:

It was just another day in the Volterra castle. I was wandering around, having finished my duties for the day, probably for the week as well - it all depended on the Masters’ or the Twins’ mood for a “sudden, important mission” popping up in my schedule.

I wasn’t the type of person to spend their free time in the library, like the Twins, or in my room, like Felix. I vaguely remember my human life. My family was a typical middle-class Athenian family, and we were lucky enough to own a decent piece of land for cultivation. I would spend hours working on the fields, planning possible expansions and new techniques for richer crops.

I smiled slightly at the memory; that’s basically what I mostly remembered from my mortal life before Amun found me and turned me into what I am today. Before I traveled to Egypt to live with the Egyptian coven. Before Aro found me and converted me to his coven. I didn’t know how he managed to convert me then until I found out about Chelsea’s gift.

But even then, I never actually felt the need to leave the Volturi. I had a good life here; I had great friends; easy access to human blood, thanks to Heidi; I had it easy for the price I paid serving the three Volturi kings.

My train of thought was cut short when I heard quiet sobs. I wasn’t regarded as the best tracker for nothing; based on the volume of the sobs, the surrounding atmosphere, and the tone of the voice coming out, I could easily detect that it was Felix, sobbing in his room.

I run quickly, not caring about anyone walking through the corridors. I reached his door and opened it widely, not caring to wait for a response. I saw Felix sobbing on his bed, his eyes tearless but still desperate, trying to gasp for air, although we don’t really need to breathe. I rushed to his side, hugging him tightly, letting his sobs shake through my body.

I didn’t say a thing for some time, stroking his hair with one hand and holding him with my other, trying to find the right thing to say to calm him down. He held on to me for dear life, and I felt as if he was, once again, upset for (Y/N). His sobs started slowing down and he started taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself. Without thinking, I cupped his face, telling him a few comforting words, watching him close his eyes, and taking one deep breath.

“Are you feeling better now?” I asked him calmly, and I felt myself getting calmer as he nods slightly. I let my hands fall on my lap and asked him what I’ve been thinking about all this time. “Were you thinking about (Y/N) again?” Felix nodded, confirming my suspicions.

I caught him plenty of times not being himself - his cautious, meticulous, present self; the one who was always concentrated and focused on the present. He sobbed often these days, but never a full-on breakdown. This had me worried. I took his hands in mine and patted them, showing him that I understood what he was going through, although I, myself, never found my mate. I told him so, that I didn’t know what it was like for him to be away from his mate, but also that I would never disregard how and what he felt.

I just didn’t want him to hurt; I wanted him to know that I’ll always be there for him, whenever he needed me. And, though he may not actually believe it, Alec and Jane were also worried about him. He may have not noticed it, but I wasn’t the only one who saw that he was in pain.

Alec and Jane also saw that Felix was not his confident, straightforward self anymore, so I told them once what I suspected all along. That the absence of (Y/N) affected him way more than it affected Jane, who was (Y/N)’s best girlfriend, or even Heidi, Chelsea, and Corin, even Renata, who spent most of her time on Aro’s side, being his main bodyguard.

Without thinking clearly, I suggested that we could all go after (Y/N), find her, and bring her back to Felix. His head jolted, and looked at me in disbelief, not being sure if I was serious. I told him I was, and, at this moment, his whole demeanor changed. It was probably the first time after such a long time that I’ve seen him actually smiling, and my undead soul felt at peace at last. We now only had to inform the twins, and, probably, anyone else willing to help.

My only worry was the kings, especially Aro; he probably didn’t know about (Y/N) and Felix’s mate bond, and I don’t even know what he’ll think of it when he finds out. Now, I had other things to worry about; how to get the Twins to come with us and bring (Y/N) back to Volterra.

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“We’re in.” Jane declared decisively, Alec agreed along with a nod, standing close to his twin.

“Are you both sure about that? We don’t know if the kings will allow us to go find her. Heck, I don’t even know if I could track her. I could never track (Y/N)’s mind, like ever. We may be wandering in vain, searching for her in places she’s never been. It may take a lot of time if we ever find her.”

I wanted to be honest with them about the worst-case scenario, feeling Felix slightly squirm nearby. I turned around to face the giant. His face was a mix of pain and anger, his eyes a dark burgundy, almost black from not feeding the past few weeks. This reminded me to get him to hunt soon, whether we left Volterra or not. I turned back to the twins.

“Demetri. You know that (Y/N) is our friend, too. Alec and I would do anything to bring her back.” Jane then turned to Felix. “Whatever happens, we will all stand by your side.” Felix mumbled a small “thank you”, so quiet that only us four could barely hear, still looking down, at the floor.

“We have to go and tell them.” I announced, gulping my non-existent saliva. They all knew I was referring to the three kings, and we all knew the possibility of being denied to leave on this mission of ours.

“Let me handle this. You know they cannot deny me anything.” Jane stated and led the way towards the throne room, full of confidence and reassurance.

It was true after all that Jane and Alec, being the kings’ favourite guards, were not denied anything. (Y/N) enjoyed such privileges as well, being the continuation of Aro’s bloodline, possibly our future Queen, if the kings ever decided to step down from their royal duties.

Within a minute, Jane opened the doors to the throne room widely and stepped in, followed closely by Alec and Felix and I following nearby.

“Jane! Alec! To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing my two favourite children?” Aro almost chirped at the sight of the twins, not even acknowledging Felix and I’s presence.

He has always been too nice to the twins, the Volturi’s most powerful offensive weapons. My gift and Felix’s raw strength are nothing compared to Jane’s ability to inflict mental pain, or Alec’s ability to deprive one or multiple people’s senses at will.

“Masters, the four of us request your permission to leave on a mission. We don’t know how long it will take us or when we’ll come back, but I assure you we’ll be back as soon as we’re done with it.” Jane informed the kings confidently, and Aro’s brows furrowed slightly.

“What kind of a mission, dear Jane? I don’t remember giving you all a mission recently.” Aro seemed curious, as he nodded towards Jane to come closer. Jane obeyed, stepping closer to Aro and extending her hand towards him, who gladly took it into his palms.

A few minutes passed by, with Aro looking nowhere in particular, while he studied Jane’s thoughts, until he came back, and let Jane’s hand slowly out of his own ones. Felix tensed beside me; we both knew now that Aro knows about the purpose of our mission, and that he may also know about (Y/N) and Felix’s bond, as he stared at him with an evil smirk. He turned towards Marcus.

“Is it true, brother?” He asked the melancholic vampire to his right. Marcus seemed unamused, which was quite typical of him.

“Yes. They’ve been mates for quite some time.” He dragged his words.

Aro turned back to us. “And yet, (Y/N) chose to leave Volterra, to “explore the world”, away from her mate. Seems that their bond is not as strong after all.”

Felix was becoming more and more furious beside me. I could sense his distaste towards our master, as Aro invalidated their bond, and probably, him being his granddaughter’s mate. Felix confessed to me multiple times that he didn’t feel worthy of being (Y/N)’s mate; that she deserved a lot more than just an average vampire guard.

That’s why he never confessed his true feelings towards her, only looking at her from afar, and hoping that one day, she would confess her feelings first, so they could be together forever. Neither of them ever confessed, and, with (Y/N) being gone for quite some time now, Felix seemed to have regretted not telling her. Maybe they could have been together now, and he wouldn’t have his heart broken over her absence.

Aro’s voice broke my train of thought. “You have my permission to go find my granddaughter, but, before you go, you’ll have to make a plan. I cannot risk my guards leaving Volterra for too long. You’ll have to decide who will come with you, and you’ll have to be back as soon as you find her. No procrastination. You have three days to plan and make your decisions. Now, go, and make sure you bring (Y/N) back!” Aro waved his hand, showing us our way out of the throne room.

We never thought we had to make a plan to find (Y/N); we didn’t expect Aro to let us leave on such a mission, where we wouldn’t know if we’d even find (Y/N). But he did, and now we had to make a plan. We knew that it would definitely be Felix, the twins, and me, but we didn’t know if anyone else wanted to join us.

Word spread fast because, within a few hours, most of the guards were already trying to help us decide on a plan, whether they could or could not join us on the actual mission. In the end, we decided it would be just the four of us, and we only had to make a plan as to where we would go to search for (Y/N).

We left within 3 days, going down to Sicily, traveling across the sea, to Malta, where we found Renata’s family. When we asked them about (Y/N), out of fear of Jane and Alec, her uncle told us she visited them once, about 20 years ago. “She kept saying how she planned to travel the world, Europe, Asia, America, Africa.. Wherever she could go.” Luca kept saying.

We left immediately after that. We decided to continue with our plan, first traveling across Europe. It wasn’t an easy task; most of the continent was at war with the Ottomans, and the rest was divided into smaller or bigger countries, nothing stable or permanent yet. We passed through North Europe, traveling towards the South, traveling across North Africa, ending up in Egypt.

I met with Amun, almost 700 years after I left him and Egypt for Aro and Italy. He was neither pleased nor surprised. He was rather cautious and guarded due to the Twins’ and Felix’s presence. He didn’t ask me why I left him, but he did invite us to stay in Egypt for some time. We told him we were in a hurry, we had to find (Y/N).

“So, it is true then? Aro’s granddaughter abandoned him at last..”. He grinned.

“What do you mean “at last”?” Felix became upset quite quickly.

“You never realized it before? When Chelsea, (Y/N) and yourself came with Aro and took Demetri with you, I saw it in (Y/N)’s eyes.” We were all confused. Amun continued.

“She looked miserable. She probably didn’t even want to be here, doing Aro’s bidding. She wasn’t made to serve him and his every wish. She indeed passed by a decade or two ago. She apologized for her part in Demetri’s departure, and she stayed with us for about a month or two. I welcomed her because I understood Aro destroyed her life, just as he destroyed ours.”

“What did she want in Egypt?” Felix was becoming more anxious by the minute.

Amun continued his narration. “She wanted to learn about Egypt, the Pyramids, the Pharaohs. She told me she read a lot about Ancient Egypt; how Alexander the Great colonized Egypt and many Greeks have been living here ever since; how the Great Pyramids were built. She just wanted to see all the history from up close. She wanted to experience everything. Who wouldn’t, right?” He grinned again, like the proud Egyptian he was, having seen all of Egypt’s glory through the past millennia.

It was Jane’s time to ask the questions. “So, she just visited? She didn’t say where she was going after she left?”

“She said she wanted to go and visit places. Though, she didn’t say where she would go. I would tell you if I knew.” Amun looked arrogant but cautious. He wouldn’t risk getting on Jane’s bad side, so he chose to tell the truth about (Y/N).

“We won’t be staying then. Let’s go.” Jane ordered and ran out of Amun’s palace, Alec following closely behind her.

Felix stayed behind, and I stopped in my tracks. “If you have her and you lied to us, I swear I will rip you apart with my own hands!” Felix pointed at Amun while threatening him.

Amun didn’t seem to be phased at all. “Believe me, I wouldn’t want to get on Aro’s bad side. I already lost someone important to me.” He looked straight at me, and then back to Felix. “But, if you want to find her, you may want to find Carlisle first. She admired him, for choosing to be more human than vampire. When he visited me last time, he did mention how (Y/N) was the only Volturi that didn’t really seem to actually belong in the Volturi. She was too kind for her own good.”

Felix's jaw clenched, and I grabbed him before he managed to attack Amun. I mumbled a “thank you” to Amun, and we ran to find the Twins. My tracking skills could sense Carlisle from a distance, so it wouldn’t be hard to find him. Finding (Y/N), though, was a totally different story.

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(Y/N)’s POV:

I woke up with a throbbing headache in an unknown place. My eyes couldn’t focus on anything in particular around me. I could barely distinguish the wooden furniture around me, and the burning fire in the fireplace. My hand traversed through woolen fabrics of different textures. Was I in bed? Was I in a bedroom? As my senses started to go back to normal, I started hearing people talking, a woman and man talking..in Greek?

“Αλέξανδρε, η (Ο/Σ) γύρισε! Το κοριτσάκι μας γύρισε επιτέλους!” (“Alexander, (Y/N) is back! Our little girl is finally back!”)

“Το ξέρω, Στέλλα. Πρέπει να την προστατεύσουμε, να την κρατήσουμε κοντά μας. Δε γίνεται να γυρίσει πίσω στη Βολτέρρα.” (“I know, Stella. We have to protect her, to keep her close to us. She cannot go back to Volterra.”)

“Τι θα κάνουμε αν την ψάξει ο Άρο ή κάποιος άλλος από τη φρουρά; Το ξέρουμε και οι δυο ότι, όπου και να είναι, θα κινδυνεύει.” (“What are we going to do if Aro or someone else from the Guard is looking for her? We both know that, wherever she is, she will be in danger.”)

“Το μόνο που μπορούμε να κάνουμε είναι να φροντίσουμε να την προετοιμάσουμε κατάλληλα. Πρέπει να μάθει το πραγματικό μέγεθος της δύναμής της. Ένιωθα τη δύναμη που είναι συσσωρευμένη μέσα της. Μπορεί να κάνει πραγματικά σπουδαία πράγματα, αρκεί να μάθει να ελέγχει τον εαυτό της και τις δυνάμεις της.” (“The only thing we can do is to make sure she is prepared accordingly. She has to learn the true extent of her power. I felt the power built up inside her. She can do amazing things, as long as she learns to control herself and her powers.”)

I was confused. My parents.. I found my parents. I faintly remember when I met them in the woods. I looked down at my body. I did not wear my white gown anymore, the one which I had once cut below the knee, so I could run around freely. I was now wearing a red dress, the vest covered in gold details. The vest’s sleeves went down, just a few centimeters above my wrists. The dress was made of silk, and it felt nice against my skin; I was finally wearing new, clean clothes and it felt nice.

I jumped out of the bed, and the dress flew around me, falling gently just above my ankles. There was a tearing to the side, which I thought was a nice detail, so I could actually run. I ran at a vampire speed towards the door and out of the room. I saw my parents talking in the living room, in front of the fireplace where another fire was burning bright and warmed up the room.

“Για τι πράγμα μιλούσατε; Σας άκουγα. Γιατί να έρθουν για μένα; Τι πρέπει να μάθω;” (“What were you talking about? I heard you. Why would they come for me? What do I have to learn?”)

My mother cupped my face affectionately. “Ψυχούλα μου, το ξέρεις ότι ο Άρο θα σε αναζητήσει. Θα κάνουμε τα πάντα για να σε προστατέψουμε, αλλά πρέπει να μάθεις να πολεμάς για τον εαυτό σου. Ήρθε η ώρα να μάθεις για τις πραγματικές σου δυνατότητες. Ο μπαμπάς σου θα σου μάθει ό,τι χρειάζεται να μάθεις για να εξασκήσεις τη μαγεία σου.” (“My little soul, you know that Aro will look for you. We’ll do everything to protect you, but you’ll have to learn to fight for yourself. It’s time to learn about your true capabilities. Your dad will teach you whatever you need to know to practice your magic.”)

“Now, follow us, (Y/N). I will teach you everything I know.” Dad took one of my hands in his and mom took my other hand in hers, and they led me outside, to the garden.

------------------------------------------------------

In the months that followed, I learned how to defend myself using my powers; how to cast spells; how to attack; I even learned how to use dark magic. And as time passed and I perfected my magic, the more magic and energy I could pump out of me, and the more I felt drawn to dark magic. It gave me an unexplainable power; a confidence that I could define my own life; a confidence that I could free myself from Aro.

My only concerns were my friends and Felix; though I was quite powerful by now, the only thing that kept me behind, trapped between what I have to do for myself and what I have to do for others, was the thought of Felix. I have already lost so much time being away from him, and sometimes, that was translated to physical pain, which I didn’t know could happen between mates. I assumed that it was the same for him as well, and I didn’t want him to be in pain.

Unlike the other vampires, I could cry, heck, I would cry for hours and hours. And that pain, that emptiness, would eventually feed the darkness in me. I couldn’t see it at first, but I started having darker, evil thoughts. I stopped feeding off of animals and started killing people. I killed people for their blood, or for fun - either way, I would still consume their blood. I was feeding my thirst and my darkness, becoming insensitive and slowly mad for revenge.

My parents wouldn’t say anything; I knew that it was part of their plan to get revenge on Aro. Unbeknownst to my mom, I also managed to copy her mind-reading, and having already copied Aro’s power, I could manage to know everything both of my parents have ever thought about. My magic penetrated her shield quite easily, and I managed to learn everything I needed to know about their plan, their lives, their abilities, and magic.

I was now way more powerful than them. I didn’t need them; they needed me - they needed me to take over Volterra. It all started as a need to take over territory and become powerful; powerful enough that they could challenge the Volturi and cease their powers, possibly manage to take me and any other powerful guard they found under their rule.

However, me finding them made their plan way easier - they knew that they could persuade me to do their bidding and join them. I was their daughter after all; we were family, and, although they didn’t raise me, they knew that I would much rather stay with them than Aro, given his past.

I didn’t oppose their plan; I wasn’t fond of it, but I didn’t mind. It could be a way to be finally recognized and appreciated. I could finally become the princess, officially, and I could take my friends and Felix away from Aro. We would be together; we wouldn’t be scared of what Aro may think of us; we would be finally free.

These thoughts pushed me day after day to push myself and my limits more. I had to become as powerful as I could ever be. The darkness was consuming my soul and I was welcoming it; I wanted to be in power; I wanted to be in control. I visualized the darkness surrounding me and consuming me; a black smoke swinging out of my body, surrounding me, and swirling around me. I could feel my eyes stink and I smelled the blood that was now oozing out of them. I felt my insides twist and turn, and I screamed in pain; my feet not being able to support my body anymore, as I fell down on my knees.

I felt the darkness “painting” my soul and turning it into a long abyss. I felt my humanity being stripped away from me, like a hand reaching out and ripping my heart out of my body and slowly crashing it. And then, it all stopped. I raised my head and looked at the world around me in a different light. The world was darker, meaner; everyone was my enemy. I would not let anyone subjugate me again; I would not be a victim anymore. I would take my revenge on the Volturi, I would make them pay.

#felix volturi #felix volturi imagine #felix volturi x reader #volturi #twilight #twilight renessaince #twilight post #demetri volturi #alec volturi #jane volturi #the cullens #the denali coven

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lolbatty · 3 years

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Just a quick blurb about some of the stuff I’ve been feeling and struggling with lately about my slowly ending toxic relationship and other stuff..

So far the worst part for me has been convincing my childhood abandonment trauma brain that it’s OKAY to let this person go... that because of many valid actual damn reasons I witnessed they were not a great person for me to spend time with or put energy into. They didn’t listen to me when I was speaking, did things for me only out of guilt, refused to introduce me to any of their friends or family, continually minimized my feelings, and lied to me constantly about their intentions for the relationship.

I think one of the more nefarious things about the relationship was that another person was involved that I didn’t know about at the beginning, an ex that they were still super close with. I was trying so hard to be understanding, so scared that I was just being jealous or overbearing when I felt the fear grip me inside after discovering their relationship. At one point this person even moved into their house, and I wasn’t allowed to come over anymore because ‘they’d get jealous’. I believed badly tailored lies to keep me around because I was too scared to let them go, especially during the full-swing of the pandemic when I had no one else to be close to. I really valued this person. I really wanted to believe that relationships are just complicated and messy and it wasn’t them still being in love with this other person, prioritizing them over me, but every instinct inside of me was screaming and every friend I talked to about it looked at me like I was crazy for trying not to be upset or suspicious. I ignored my intuition, figuring that I was just overreacting. Even now that we’ve broken up and are slowly drifting apart this other person is still a big part of their life, while their interactions with me are dwindling to nothing (a good thing obviously, but still painful for that inner child). I should be happy, but part of me is insanely envious of this connection they have, even a little furious. It triggers a very primal wound from my earliest years.

When I was growing up (4-11yrs) my I worshiped my Dad but he always had a lot of girlfriends, when I spent time with him in the summers I often had to ‘compete’ with these full grown women for his attention because he prioritized his relationships with them over his relationship with me. It was heart breaking, and gave me a very unhealthy idea of what was expected of XX bodied people to attract and keep attention. It also gave me a very DEEP and abiding wound centered around jealousy and envy which is haunting me the most right now with my current healing process. Old, untouched parts of me are churning beneath the surface of my consciousness, altering my ability to regulate my emotions and think logically about how much better off I am not having this crap in my life. I am SO PISSED OFF that this other person was -chosen- over me. And even though I never met them, I always hear this ancient voice inside my head wondering.. what do they have that I don’t? Why wasn’t I good enough?

It’s not that I want this destructive thing in my life, logically I know I should be singing and fucking dancing, howling at the damn moon because I escaped this invalidating cycle of bread crumbing, lying, gaslighting and back burnering. I know I deserve better. I want so badly to have better. But there is so much pain inside of me from these deep old traumas, and I have a lot of really old scars that need to be re-examined and addressed. In some ways I am grateful for this horrible experience because of everything I’ve learned about my anxious attachment, childhood trauma, complex PTSD and how it relates to my inability to have normal, healthy relationships.

But I’m also pretty mad about the last two years of my life being an emotionally damaging experience, in the midst of a pandemic, shortly after the sudden and depressingly tragic death of my alcoholic, narcissistic father.

I’ve changed. I don’t even remember what it was like to be me before 2018. I don’t draw anymore. I don’t post anymore. Commissions are a struggle. I miss the days of endless artwork and music and fandoms.. cruising tumblr and getting occasionally yelled at for making semi problematic statements because of my own personal growth. I often find myself wondering about the artists I used to follow who also disappeared. Where have they gone? Are their lives getting better? Worse? Are they still with us? I miss them the way I miss the old version of myself.

The years have not been cruel, but they have not been kind either. This latest battle has been an eyeopening experience. At almost 35 years I am just now learning I’ve been operating from these cornerstone hangups as if it were normal, like they were something that would get better or change over time if I ‘found the right person’. But now I know I never will find the right person, not until I find myself, because I will always push away the people who love me and self sabotage anything good. It’s too uncomfortable, too unfamiliar. I wanted to get married one day, start a family and build a future for my loved ones, but right now it feels like I’m still clawing my way up to ground zero.

From everything I have seen about attachment disorders, there is definitely hope, but I will need a lot of counseling. I have to change my relationship with myself before I can stop seeking out this same bullshit situation I’ve once again found myself breaking free from. As of now, I’m finally understanding why I keep finding myself here.

To anyone else also dealing with childhood PTSD and attachment problems... this wound can be healed. It takes time and understanding and a lot of hard personal work but it can be done. Don’t give up on yourself, don’t give up on love. Get help. Learn stuff. Stay the course. Short term pleasure is not worth the long term pain. Sit on your throne, let people approach, maintain boundaries. Give those people time to show you how they are going to behave towards you, how they are going to treat you. I know it’s hard but it’s worth it. Avoid jumping into physical intimacy quickly, it’s especially toxic when you have attachment disorders. Don’t let people walk all over you, NO ONE is cool enough, accomplished enough or attractive enough to be allowed to get away with treating you like shit. Not ever. And if someone shows up who genuinely likes you, DO NOT search for reasons to prove them wrong.. I know it feels creepy or scary to be loved but they don’t want anything from you other than your heart, and that’s a good thing. Embrace it.

If you’re still here, thanks for reading.

#update #self #toxic relationships #childhood trauma #CPTSD #attachment disorder #anxious attachment

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weaselbeaselpants · 3 years

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Weird week behind me weird week ahead of me but I’ve done a lot of self reflection and came to the weirdest epiphany. The older I get the more I realize all my ‘problems’ with VivziePop - her thoughts on criticism; the choices she makes in story telling; some of the people she’s worked with (not that any of that’s my business; I’m not her mom) really aren’t about Viv, but more about her fandom.

I’m speaking of the preHazbin era Viv here and as someone who’s only watch horny fish jump at the surface rather than jump straight into the Hazbin-fandom, but given my ‘noncritical’ fellow fans have told me that the Vivziefandom now is also terrible - I guess I’ll go over my experience and make the most out of what I do know.

I followed Viv in 2009 and fell off in 2013 cause I kinda just lost interest and found myself wrapped up in other fandoms. I’ve always felt amicable about her content; I could give or take designs or the way in which she wrote characters -- ((Zech represent!!!)) but it’s honestly surreal and really fun seeing this person I recognize make it big and improve so much. Like I’ve said before I am very happy and very impressed with Viv doing all she’s done in the span of TWO YEARS. wow gurl.

Trouble is, there was the particular breed of fan who really made me...uncomfortable. They felt almost possessive of Viv’s attention. They sang praises about her work in a way that just made me want nothing to do with it because I was worried if I drew those characters these people would be like ‘hey, I’M Viv’s fav artist, not you!”. They would unironically write Viv messages like:

“you are a GOD” -- “I’m so not worthy compared to you” --“I wish I was as talented as you” -- “YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND CAN’T DO WRONG VIV”.

The kind of messages which were meant to sound flattering but, intentional or not, came off as gaslighting, like they were guilt tripping Viv about being better than them. This behavior, treating your favorite artist/internet personality like your superior and groveling like Starscream, it strikes a nerve with me; partly because I was this way with my favorite artists and influences back in the day, but also because once I got a taste of that treatment myself I realized just how bad it could be:

There was once a girl on dA who was jealous of me because of the attention I got on my art instead of her. I told her that I wasn’t gonna stop drawing but also that there was nothing wrong with her art and she’d find her place. It was weird being put in that position where someone is very clearly upset at you but also looking for your approval.

The second was some scumball who I blocked in 2016. He wouldn’t speak to me, only write condescending, backhanded comments on my art; check on my profile daily; call me a bootlicker (cuz I took commissions) behind my back; redrew my art and would talk about me in his personal artist notes about how I ‘probably wouldn’t see this’ - oh yeah all the while he did fan art of my characters but again never spoke to me when I replied. When I finally messaged him about his behavior he said he thought I was “really overrated” and “bad for the fandom” cuz I took money and kept him from getting the love he deserved. It took messaging another person within our fandom, one I had been in spats with online before, to finally realize I shouldn't put up with that bs....

That guy who was stalking me btw did so while I was well under 1.K watchers and am still pretty obscure. Anyway, I had one guy unhealthily watching me for the wrong reasons. Just one. This is why when Viv says she “hates creeps” I 150% believe this woman and am not about to call her a liar who just can’t take criticism. Like, if you really think that, I’m sorry but you don’t know what Viv’s gone through from both her critics AND fans.

Of course, a lot of people will be like “I bet you’re just jealous and really just want that kind of attention yourself so you’re preaching to the choir”, but like...no. I am envious of just about any creator who’s the social butterfly I’m not, but, like, if I'm jealous of an artist none of that is that artists’ fault. Ever. It’s my own issues with being comfortable with myself are at stake. If I criticize Viv’s work it’s not because I see her as competition or my Squilliam Fancyson; it’s because I’m a critical fan of animation and cartoons and have my own thoughts to share on the cartoons of an artist I’m familiar with. Jealousy/envy/mixed-admiration/godIwishthatwereme.jpeg feels are totally natural and valid emotions when you’re a creator. Envy becomes a problem when you internalize, weaponize, and scrutinize people on the basis of them being what you aren’t which -yes - some people do in the name of criticism. ((Although, I would hardly say some of the nastiest AntiViv folk are jealous as much as they are angry that this project they think is harmful is getting attention and using that as justification for some really shitty behavior of their own, which no, this post is not a part of by virtue of coming from a critical fan.))

Critique can come from either a good place or bad place; good critique can be used to bad ends and bad critique can come from a well-meaning place, and vice versa. It’s the difference between many a criticalfan having a sour taste in their mouth regarding the Viv’s base but persisting in a critique+admiration separate of that, and this asswipemonster trying to weasel his way into Spindlehorse while also bashing Viv on a public forum for clearly vitriolic reasons. He was a creep.

So yeah um please stop insisting that every Hazbin critic is just jealous’ because a) there are people who have a past with Viv’s base and that clouds their judgement, but in a lot of cases that doesn’t invalidate their feelings or thoughts on her work separate from that, and b) I’ve seen what clingy gaslighting jealous fans are. Spoiler: they’re not so much Annie Wilkes as much as they are Tommy Wiseaus. You don’t want Tommy Wiseau following you.

Another bad vibe I really picked up on that I can kinda confirm is still probably the case now: people think that they know Viv and the Spindlehorse crew and have the right to send them shit they don’t need or WANT to be seeing.

Like, I talked with Viv once ages ago. I don’t remember what I said other than we were talking about Frankenweenie, I think. She was nice. Outside of that she said “thank you” to my comments on her deviations but that’s it. I DO NOT KNOW THIS WOMAN AND unless you’ve worked with or are a legit friend/mutual of hers, NEITHER DO YOU. But I don’t think every Vivzie stan/critic knows this. Whether it be people assuming she MUST think they’re headcanon is now canon-canon cuz she liked a comment they made; or some critic thinking they must have seriously hurt her pride because they’ve been blocked by her on twitter (or you know, maybe she and the rest of Spindlehorse is tired of getting @s and don’t have to time to read through your analysis so they’re gonna just block and move on cuz they’re busy).

Just because the creators talk with fans doesn’t mean fans are literally their best friends and have a part in the show’s direction. And yes, critics and reviewers fit that bill as well. Know your damn boundaries people.

If you find/make some kind of contribution as a viewer that’s awesome but you should never expect nor DEMAND the creator see it. The most obvious horror stories involving this and Helluva/Hazbin have been the Instagrams made by the crew being harassed by incestpedo enthusiasts, but it applies even to just @ing creators as well.

I’ve seriously had someone tell me to just take my criticisms directly to Viv and like...no. Why would I do that?

I respect Viv and the artists working with her enough to know that they’re working their asses off on an animated series and should not be bothered. I don’t want them to stop all they’re doing and reply to me. I want them to keep working. Also, that kind of logic makes me wonder how many critics Viv’s found because she found it on her own or if some obsessed fan told her about it - which is really messed up cuz if it IS just good critique you’re, again, just pestering her, and if it wasn’t critique but full on harassment WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MESSAGE HER ABOUT THAT ANYWAY? I’m sure she doesn’t need to be reminded that people drew and said really awful shit about her on Tapatalk. My point being I’m sure what people think they’re doing is

“OOOoh Viv lookitwut this person is doing in our fandom we need to ban together against this toxic behavior”

but what they’re actually doing, and sounding like, is -

“Hey Viv I know you are working so hard on the show and you’re trying to figure out where to go from here but LOOKITWHUTTHISHATERSAID. LOOKATIT! VALIDATE ME VIV AND PUT’EM IN THEIR PLAAAAAACE!”

TL;DR Viv’s fanbase back in the day consisted of everyman artists and interests but there was this one breed of fan -who I hope was just a vocal minority- that ruined it for everything else.

Call it stanning or ‘simping’ or as it’s classically known, ‘white knighting’, whatever it was it really soured a lot of people on her because of those fans.

That’s why the DollCreep drama got so bad from what I can tell. Doll and Viv had a falling out and then called out eachother online where people who took it upon themselves to speak for them starting throwing mud.

Back in the day I remember Viv used to get mad at artists for ‘stealing’ her style. I think this attitude from Viv directly has vanished but I remember it happening because one of the people she thought was stealing her style did art for me at some point and they were basically shamed/chased off deviantART by a gaggle of these really nasty Vivfans.

inb4> “VIV WAS AWARE AND STILL WEAPONIZES HER FANS THO”

I don’t know that. And honestly, where I’m inclined to believe she’d do something like that then I think Viv is really different and has improved her business and public image from her college days. I’d be very disappointed in her if she was pulling a Butch Hartman or Derek Savage, but I just don’t think she is one, k?

Viv is more self critical and aware than any of these uber protective-gatekeeping fans give her credit for. She said on the Pizzapartypodcast that she knows the Hazbin pilot wasn’t perfect; she’s been able to identify the problems with old Zoophobia; this woman knows that criticism of all kinds need to exist and from what I see she sounds like she’s trying to get used to that. It’s just, you know, when you have nasty antis badgering you, stalkers, obsessive yes-mam’ fans, opinionated shit posters, r34 artists, entitled shippers and the NDAs of a company alongside your own branded image - all that negativity, even the constructive bits, tend to clump together and you just want to scream at it so you can finish the damn cartoon already!!!!

TL;DR: PART TWO

VivziePop/mind is basically indie Tim Burton. Her work is fun, shallow and made with love but is marketed as being for everyone when it’s really not. Parts of it I love to watch; parts of it drives me crazy cuz of reasonswhatev this isn’t a review.

BUT any fanbase where people tell me I should just “expect what’s coming to me” when I’m trying to argue against dragging creators into fandrama is troubling. People have a parasocial bond with fandoms and their creators and they need to learn when to back off.

#vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #helluva boss critical #critical fandom #I'm sorry to all the people I messaged n bothered over the past year bout my stupid thoughts #tw: stalker

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heyheydidjaknow · 3 years

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Why do I not have the option to copy and paste formatting? Why is that an option I am not given? Who thought that I wouldn’t need that when I’m on my phone? Screw that guy, who I am arbitrarily calling Adam. If anyone knows how to do that, please tell me.

Chapter 6 Pt 2

“There is no fucking way you got a date with her.” Raphael does not even look it up. “No way in hell.”

“And yet the flow chart worked.” He laughs from his lab, shutting off any excess equipment as to not overwork it. “It worked like a charm and she asked me to go to her place so ha.”

”You didn’t show her the chart, did you?”

“I did not.”

“Well, there you go.” Leo looks back at him from his seat on the couch. “What time?”

“Seven o’clock.” He slides the door closed. “But I’m planning on being there at six fifty-five so that she knows I value her time.”

“Does the sun set that early?”

“Why do you even ask?” Raph turns a page in his once periodical periodical. “You know he looked it up.”

“As a matter of fact, I did. Forgive me for also valuing preparedness.”

“Nobody likes a know it all.”

He grins smugly. “That’s where you’re wrong. See, I,” he gestured to himself, “have a date with a gorgeous girl tonight, one where she has already invited me into her home, and you,” he gestured to Raphael, “are reading a magazine from a company that went out of business two years ago alone.”

“Donnie, don’t be a jerk.” Leonardo looked back at the television. “Raphael brings up a valid point; you tend to act like you know everything, and the actual request wasn’t for a date.”

“How else can I interpret one on one time with her?”

“Well,” he counters, “how do you interpret one on one time with us?”

He blinks. “Wait, so you’re saying she’s… how do you put it?”

“Nah, I don’t think she’s friendzonin ‘im.” Mickey looks up from his drawing. “Think she’s sending signals she doesn’t mean to.” He sets his half-shaded piece aside. “Think about it; she said she’s been all stressed out, right? She died like two weeks ago.” He shrugs. “She’s probably just lonely and needs the company.”

“That’s… actually really insightful of you.”

He grins. “What can I say? I’m a modern McPherson.”

Raph snickers at that. “Donnie is more of a McPher—how old is that movie, anyway? A hundred?

“Hey!” He shoots a glare at his brother. “Respect the classics.”

“Not to interrupt your riveting intro to film class,” Donnie interjects, losing his shit, “but I really need to know what this is before I go, and it’s already fifteen ‘till.”

“Look, maybe she’s interested, maybe she’s not.” Leonardo’s eyes are back on the screen. “Just try to tread carefully and you’ll probably be fine.”

“Probably?”

“Again, Raph had a point.”

He groans, walking to the entrance and exit of their home. “You guys aren’t helping.”

“Not our job.”

Leo calls after him. “Be home before six!”

He turns the corner, cradling his head in his hands. ‘I am totally and thoroughly fucked.’

GoodFellas.

Of all the movies in the world, that is the movie you have decided to use to explain these concepts. This is the example piece that you are going to show to the vigilante. All you know is that you had started watching the Phantom Menace and had decided against explaining the concept of racial coding and this is the only other movie that you can think of right now. You have decided to commit, and you are already regretting it, but you decide to figure it out as you go.

You set the pizza on the coffee table, throwing a bag of popcorn in the microwave to pop. You do not expect Donatello to be late, so you decided to start now so that they could get started right away. You start walking to the window, stopping at the mouth of the hallway. You look yourself over one more time in the bathroom mirror despite yourself. You do not exactly know why you care so much; this was not a date, and you had not advertised it as one. Still, impressions are important, and the last thing you need is for him to not listen to you because of it. That is what you are telling yourself, anyhow.

You hear knocking against the glass. You check your phone for the time. ‘Five minutes early.’ You smile softly. ‘How responsible.’ You open it up, smiling at your guest. “Welcome, Donatello.” You take a step back. “Please, make yourself at home.”

He barely makes a sound as he steps off the windowsill, looking around your apartment, fully illuminated, for the first time.

After about thirty seconds of his investigation, you clear your throat. “Donnie?”

He snaps out of it. “Huh?”

You smile gently. “You wanna sit down? I bought pizza.”

“Uh, yeah.” He nods, sitting down and facing the television screen. “I like your place.”

“Thanks.” You sit down next to him, tucking your feet under you as you flip on the television. “How do you feel about gangster movies?”

“Gangster movies?”

“Yeah.” You list a couple on your fingers. “Scarface, Godfather, all that jazz.”

He shakes his head, brow furrowed in confusion. “How can you make gangster movies legally?”

“That is a long answer. The short version?” You lean forward, taking a slice from the box. “The police are kind to those who cooperate, and people think their stories are fascinating.”

“So they’re documentaries?” He mimics you.

You shrug. “Sometimes. Not always, but sometimes. You want something to drink?” You hear the microwave beep as you stand up.

“Water?”

You nod, walking over to pull the popcorn out of the microwave and grab your drinks. “I trust the walk wasn’t too bad?”

“Not at all.” The small talk is torture. “Getting to your window was a bit of a challenge, but it wasn’t anything too bad.”

“That’s good.” You pour him a glass. “I’ll have to get something for that; maybe a planter or something, so you have a bigger ledge.”

“It’s alright.” He taps his fingers against his knee. “It’s wide enough to stand.”

“Still.” You place his cup on the counter, dumping the kernels into a large plastic bowl. “I wouldn’t forgive myself if one of you guys got hurt trying to come in through the window.” You grab a can of soda out of the refrigerator, sitting down and handing him the glass.

He smiles slightly. “You’re really sweet sometimes, you know that?”

You grin. “I try,” you hum, starting to pull up the movie. “I think you’re pretty cool too, Hamato.”

He chuckles. “You make me sound like I’m fifty.”

“Oh, totally.” You nod in agreement. “You’re an old soul.”

He blinks. “Old soul?”

“Mature, I mean.” You shrug. “I mean, handling the stuff you do with any degree of tact, to me, displays a great maturity you don’t see in most teenagers, myself included.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

You get back up for napkins and plates. “Not at all.” You hand him one of each. “It’s an admirable quality, though not one I particularly envy.”

“You think?” His hands linger for a moment longer than typical as he took them.

“Yeah. You want me to turn down the lights for the movie while I’m up?”

His face goes red. “I-I mean,” he stutters, “if you want to.”

“Then I will; shows the image better when it’s dark.” You walk to the wall, flicking off the lights and sitting down next to him, setting your slice on your plate as you turn on the movie.

Your reactions to it are different.

He does not seem what you would call disturbed, but he gets grossly invested in the story extremely quickly. He is noticeably more interested in watching you watch the movie, but he studies the plot intently, noting the more domestic plotline between the lead and his wife in particular. His reaction to the violence is strange to you; he is not aloof, so to speak, but he does not flinch much until the fighting is between Henry and Karen.

You have seen this movie what feels like a thousand times. Whenever you think it applicable, you lean over and whisper to him about the directing, the script, the plot—it is supposed to be a lesson, after all. But you realize that your attention, every so often, shifts to the bed, to your pillow with the knife underneath it. The violence of the movie makes you edgier than you are used to.

About halfway through the movie, you move closer to the boy sitting beside you. You lean your head against his shoulder, closing your eyes as you listen for cues for comments. You don’t notice his reaction, but you do notice how his arm snakes around your waist, pulling you closer to him. You do not object; you were the one who initiated, after all.

“Here’s a psychology relationship thingy you can tell your family about.” You cringe at that poor little girl standing in the hallway. “’That’s all in your head’ is classic gaslighting. I dunno if that’s really your area or not.”

“Oh, yeah, I see what you mean.” He fiddles with the cloth of your jacket absentmindedly. “It’s kinda hard for me to wrap my head around, people staying like that. I mean,” he clarifies, “I get why, but—”

You both tense up as a young man on screen is shot dead by Joe Pesci’s character.

You exhale. “Yeah, I get what you mean.” You shrug. “But folks get scared, ya know? In her case, she doesn’t want to break the family apart, and she’s really into him.”

“What? No way.”

“Yes way.” You look up at him. “What can I say? We fall into infatuation so fast with bad people who say what we want to hear.”

“Don’t you mean fall in love?”

You watch as Lorraine Bracco holds a gun to her husband’s face. “Nope. Love is entirely different.”

“Yeah?” He glanced down at you.

“Apples and oranges.” You gesture to the television. “Love is supplementary, a beautifully imperfect connection between people.” Your voice becomes smoother, airier. “It’s a bond built on trust and respect. Infatuation is more of an addiction than anything.” You sigh as Liota meets to discuss his relationship with Sorvino. “At least I think so. That’s why love at first sight is a bunch of bullshit; you can’t have that kind of profound trust with someone you just met.” You shrug, looking back up at him. “Then again, what do I know? I’m an inexperienced, fifteen-year-old girl.”

“That makes a lot of sense, actually.” He looks back down at you. “I get what familial love is, but whenever Master Splinter talks about his wife, he has a hard time putting what he means into words.”

You hear their guilty verdict. “Totally get that. Articulation is not easy to do.”

A few minutes go by.

“May I be frank?”

“Please.”

You watch as a man drags his wife out of a Christmas party. “This movie is exactly why I don’t ever want to learn how to do the stuff you do. It changes you, all that violence; desensitizes you.” You bring your knees to your chest. “Especially Raphael. I swear, that shift was as dramatic as his, at least at this point in the flick.”

He pauses. “Please, tell me you’re kidding.”

You close your eyes, breathing slowly. “I’m going to try my best,” you swear, “do everything in my power, to see to it that you guys don’t experience more than you have to.”

You mean it. He can tell.

You two are quiet for the rest of the movie. You explain why certain directing choices were made, connect the beginning with the end, talk about the theme, all while you two watched their fall from grace. When the movie ends, you realize how tangled up in him you are; your head on his chest, legs draped over his with his arms around your waist. You feel the icy air against you, as if his skin attracted it to you. You push the hair out of your face. “So,” you stretch, turning the light back on, “do you wanna see another movie, or do you have a curfew?”

He pauses. “I should honestly probably get home,” he sighs. “If I’m not home early they’ll start getting ideas.”

“Oh, yeah.” You nod, completely understanding the reasoning. “You can take the leftover pizza home if you want; the guys’ll probably eat it before I do.”

“Mikey’ll be on cloud nine.” He picks the box off the coffee table. “Thanks.”

“Any time.” You stand at the window, opening it for him.

He climbs onto the windowsill, looking down at you from his perch. “I had a good time.” His face flushed. “We should do this again.”

You nod in agreement. “Definitely.” You rub the back of your neck. “I’ll pick a lighter movie next time.”

“Alright. It’s a plan.” He gives you a thumbs up.

You steal yourself, cupping one side of his face and kissing him gently on the cheek. “Goodnight, Donnie.” You smile. “See ya tomorrow.”

You are a bit concerned he’s going to fall off the windowsill. “Y-Yeah,” he grinned, words slurred. “See ya later, Y/N.” He waved, climbing up and out of your window.

You smile softly, sigh. You flop back on the bed, rolling over. You have not been this at ease since you died.

‘I really like that guy.’ You close your eyes. ‘I really, honestly do.’

You drift off to sleep, dreamless for the first time in too long.

Table Of Contents

Chapter 6 Part 1

Chapter 7

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miraculouscontent · 3 years

Text

Askplosion #12 2/4:

.:New Miraculous Asks:.

Anonymous said:

Can people just STOP calling Marinette a "stalker"? Like, seriously? Especially TV Tropes. They have her listed under the trope for "Stalker With A Crush" and even have a video source of her(from Copycat) which was taken WAY out of context. They also listed her under "Stalking Is Funny If It Is Female After Male", which IS an existing double standard, but Marinette is still not an example and wouldn't be even if she WERE a stalker, because Wayhem's stalking actually WAS played for laughs!

Granted he was stalking another male and we don't know if he has a crush on him(but if he did it would be...unfortunate), but it's still an example. Plus, they claim that Volpina is about her learning her lesson regarding her stalker tendencies, but that no matter how many times she learns it, it never seems to stick. Yes, because everything is Marinette's fault and she's the stubborn shallow bitch who needs a kick in the ovaries, it's not, you know, the writers making her look bad/OOC!!!

THIS. ALL OF THIS.

Oh my god, I cannot tell you how infuriating it is to see “stalker” get thrown around like that. I would need two hands to count the amount of words that have lost meaning to me because people throw them out wildly and without any self-control. Stalkers engage in far more aggressive and obsessive behavior than Marinette, and usually also feature them harrassing whoever they’re stalking (such as calling them a lot), and they also never stop when they’re asked to. Marinette doesn’t fit the description of harrassment at all; Chat Noir does more than her and I don’t even call his behavior “harrassment” because that’s another word that’s lost all meaning by now and I wouldn’t use it in the first place.

Anyway, I think the Wayhem example is valid because Marinette’s crush on Adrien is written very much like a celebrity crush, so it’s similar territory.

On the note of “Volpina,” I do not understand it considering that Tikki was all on board with Marinette following Lila for the sake of getting the book back; that was one of the cases where there was an alternative motive out of just “follow Adrien” (which is not really something we see Marinette frequently doing; usually when we see her watching Adrien, it’s because she wants to approach but can’t bring herself to).

And yeah, most of the time, it’s just the narrative. The show basically puts it all on Marinette to solve all her personal problems (while constantly piling more stuff onto her) instead of getting active encouragement (no, eye rolls, verbal jabs, and groans do not count) from her friends and Tikki.

Like, what am I supposed to expect from Marinette when her friends still actively support Adrienette? By supporting Adrienette, regardless of the comments they make, they’re supporting Marinette’s behavior. Same with Tikki.

Anonymous said:

Have you noticed that with love interests of Marinette and Adrien, it's always the girls who like Adrien who are shallow, mean bitches and competition to Marinette(like Lila, Chloe, Kagami at first), while the boys who like Marinette are nice, friendly, and have no competition between each other whatsoever, sometimes not even knowing there IS competition(Adrien, Luka, Nathaniel). It's just really unfair and sexist because it's like girls can't be civil/friends and must fight over a guy.

That’s been a common topic of salt for a long while, yeah, I just don’t talk about it much.

It’s a difficult subject because I’m the type who can’t hold it against the guy characters (so I won’t dislike Kagami for “being similar to Chloe/Lila in terms of aggressiveness,” for example) because it feels wrong to, but I can hate the trend itself.

It’s also doubly unfair because Marinette’s crushes blip away quickly (like Nathaniel and Nino) while Adrien’s crushes stick around specifically to upset Marinette, so it’s like the show is saying, “if there’s a character who loves/supports Marinette, they gotta either stop or leave” (I’m pretty sure I got a “Didn’t Need Burrow” about the narrative sending Luka away and I don’t doubt it).

Anonymous said:

Personal Heacanon: Marinette and Chloé used to be friends until Marinette found out what Chloé (and Sabrina) has been using her commisions (mostly elaborate traps "to guard off thieves") for. This is why Chloé has it out for Marinette specifically. This is why everyone stood by as it happened. This is why she hates liars. This is why her "friends" are so casual at making jabs at her self-stem (they never believed she never knew what Chloé was truly up to). And also why Lila had it so easy at gaslighting everyone againts her (she's "relapsing" and it's easy to think she "deserves it").

Dang. That’s intense.

Yeah, Punch has given quite a few ideas about Marinette and Chloe previously being friends if I recall correctly. I like the idea even if I never use that kind of idea myself.

Anonymous said:

I feel like Adrien could be a really cool character if they focused less on romance? If that wasn’t his only motivation, and they developed his friendships more, and they didn’t have this entitlement. I also would like more actual friendship in regards to adrien & marinette? And him actually having interest in her but denying it bc he thinks he can only like ladybug. I feel like the sexism of the creators/writers are seeping into the character a lot and ruining it, too... It makes me really sad.

I’m hoping Adrigami will help adrien sort out a lot of his stuff bc Kagami doesn’t take any crap, and I actually really like their relationships, but I don’t have much hope. I would love for the show to use her and this relationship as a way to call out and develop adrien, but I doubt that will happen bc that would mean acknowledging his flaws. It’s just disappointing, really....

Yeah, Adrien could’ve been interesting, especially if they used Adrimi to its full potential, but they don’t. The show also has a history of letting Chat Noir get away with things and not punishing him so I wouldn’t be surprised.

Anonymous said:

Honestly, I don't even ship the love square anymore, but Fanon Adrienette is a thousand times better than canon Adrienette(the same goes for every other side of the love square, obvs). It's what the canon should be but we fans can only wish. Take, for example, the whole "she's just a friend" statement. In canon Adrien makes it because he genuinely sees Marinette as that and nothing more(which of course isn't bad, it's just sad when Marinette's always humiliated for the sake of getting his love).

In fanon, he makes it because he's actually in denial about his feelings for Marinette(which reminds me of a definition for "just a friend" on Urban Dictionary, which had Adrien drawing her name with hearts and flowers around it, and yet, when Nino asked if he had a crush, he STILL insists she's just a friend!), but realizes his mistake later.

In canon, Adrien thinks Marinette is Ladybug only because it's convenient for him since she's in love with him. In fanon, he actually does notice things about her that make her similar to Ladybug, and falls for her BEFORE knowing their identities because he sees the same qualities of bravery, strength, and femininity that he sees in Ladybug(I remember one fanfic where Marinette stood up to GABRIEL'S overprotectiveness, and Adrien could only admire how much she resembled Ladybug in that moment).

In canon, Chat is ignorant of Ladybug's feelings and agency and doesn't comfort Marinette when she's sad; instead, she has to comfort him. In fanon, Chat Noir cares about how Ladybug feels and values her agency, his jokes are genuinely funny(although canon Chat can be funny too, it's just the where and when), and he backs off when Ladybug is uncomfortable. In fanon, Chat Noir genuinely helps Marinette when she's sad and sometimes comes to see her just because, not out of plot convenience(and calls her "Purrincess" a lot more, why did the English dub just change it to "little lady"?).

It makes me think, maybe, just maybe, if these things were canon and the world was fair to Marinette, I might actually ship it; it might actually have a fighting chance against Lukanette and Adrimi. But while all these things are cute, it only makes canon more disappointing. Fanon is doing what canon should be doing. Fanon is supposed to build off of what canon gave us and expand on it. Fanon shouldn't create its own alternative because canon isn't giving us enough to chew on, it shouldn't have to.

Sadly, I think most of the fans, including the Adriennette-shipping ones, should be on some level in charge of the show; things would be SO MUCH better for the main ship(which isn't even progressing that far) and SO MUCH fairer to Marinette if that were so.

I feel this very much so. The show has been around for a long time and fandom can shape a lot of things. I think the love square wouldn’t be as beloved as it is if not for the fandom expanding on it and making it better (obviously, in some cases, they don’t make it better, but the love square is plentiful so there has to be some good takes out there).

Some shows do in fact let the fandom build off the foundation it makes and then you have things like Astruc outright lying and saying that Chat apologized in “Frozer” when he, in fact, did not, which makes everything more muddled.

maxwaspace said:

What is your opinion of the Scarlet Lady webcomic by Z.O.E?

I’m not into the love square no matter how better one might do it (it’s been soured too much for me in the show), but I do get happy seeing Zoe’s art and wondering how she’ll change/expand on the plotpoints in certain episodes.

Anonymous said:

Not sure it anyone's already said this but-

Canon Audrey: you're fired!

MC Audrey: you're hired!

Okay but hear me out.

Canon Audrey being put in charge of dealing with Miraculous’ writers, MC Audrey put in charge of hiring new ones.

Anonymous said:

Something the genuinely scares me is how close some people’s predictions where for miraculous I just saw predictions people made for season 3 and it’s worrying that the worst possible scenario for them ended up happening beat for beat.

The show can be very, very predictable that way. The way I’d describe it is that I do expect these bad things to happen in really convoluted and dumb ways, but it still surprises me by exactly how predictable it ends up being. I mean, I catch certain things really easily and the phrase, “the whole episode just flashed before my eyes,” is something I commonly say.

Predictability isn’t entirely bad, but when the prediction is unwanted? Yeah, there’s a problem.

Anonymous said:

You could basically summarize the difference between what Miraculous fans want and what the Miraculous writers want by using the John Mulaney "Delta Airlines" bit as a template.

I had to get said bit explained to me since I haven’t seen that one, but yes, now I can confirm.

Anonymous said:

How do you think Chat Blanc would play out if Marinette and/or Adrien were already dating other people? Like if Marinette had already moved on, do you think the narrative would punish her for it?

I imagine it would have Adrien still be crushing on Ladybug and he’d break it off with this other person when he realized that Ladybug is Marinette, which the narrative would then promote as “the correct decision” because they’re soulmates and such. If Marinette has moved on, she probably won’t care about his advances, which would lead to Adrien getting upset and maybe being convinced that an identity reveal would solve the problem and/or speeding up getting Hawk Moth defeated/arrested.

Marinette would probably be blaming herself for not being “sensitive enough” to Adrien/Chat’s feelings, which is what led to him being akumatized.

I could also see the girl squad forcing Marinette to give Adrien the present similar to canon, but maybe the beret doesn’t have a heart and Marinette isn’t actually interested, but rolls with it because the girl squad insists on it (probably convinced that she’s denying her own feelings).

Anonymous said:

What do you think constitutes as a "strong female character"? Do you think the girls and women in Miraculous Ladybug are "strong female characters"? Why or why not(I'm sorry if this sounded like a school assignment, by the way!)? Because to me I feel like a lot of them are given depth and focus, but they're often forced into stereotypes, and let's not forget how the show derail's Marinette's character for a joke. But lots of people think a strong girl has to be boyish or else she's weak somehow.

“I'm sorry if this sounded like a school assignment“ dfhgkfdgfg

I guess it depends on what you consider a strong female character. Like, can a shy female character be “strong” if maybe she holds firm to her morals or can fight people off?

I think Marinette has the potential to be a “strong female character” but the show nerfs her using her crush on Adrien (which raises so many red flags that I can’t cover here) and all it’s really done for her is get her laughed at and humiliated. If her life didn’t revolve and get ruined so badly due to her crush on Adrien, I think she’d be a strong female character (I know what the Season 3 finale did but I’m not buying any of it until we see proper results in Season 4).

That’s not to say that characters with crushes can’t be “strong” but it has to not control their life. I mean... okay...

Would Sabrina be considered a “strong female character” if she recognized Chloe’s treatment of her and worked hard to get out of it? Is the want and attempt to move on from something what constitutes “strength,” or do they have to succeed?

My conflict is always... I want to give Marinette credit for trying to move on from Adrien, but I know that it’s just the writing trying to make things seem tense/strained just to make it feel “better” when they actually get together. You see it all the time in anime/manga where a misunderstanding/self-doubt ends up hurting the relationship of the main ship; it’s to force conflict and separation, giving the ship something to overcome so they can get together.

I will say though that shy characters can be strong, physically strong characters can be weak, and so on. What defines a “strong” character may be vague to me, but I take it as I go. I would like to say that Marinette is a strong character on her own because she wants to improve even if she fails, but I also don’t want to give the writing credit for something that ultimately means nothing. I want to say that she’s strong but the narrative seems to do everything in its power to tell me that she’s weak.

Let me give a non-Miraculous example: say that you have a pacifist character, but there’s a villain who has done terrible things, cannot be redeemed (plz do not swarm my inbox with “anyone can be redeemed” comments, this is a hypothetical), and any method besides killing them right there and now would lead to more destruction/lives lost.

You might say that that the pacifist character would be “strong” in sticking by their morals and trying to find another way even if they ultimately would fail and the villain would get away, but an argument can also be made that the pacifist is being stubborn and letting people die because they are unwilling to rethink the morality they’ve chosen. Is a pacifist a pacifist if they’re letting the blood of other people spill because they themselves aren’t willing to have the blood be on their own hands? Are they “strong” because they stuck by what they believe in or are they “weak” because they refused to expand what they believed was “right”?

You could apply that to Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender (I know he’s not female but stick with me here). He was faced with having to murder the Fire Lord to the point where a past reincarnation who was raised on the same values as him didn’t agree with him. I think it was acceptable for him to try and stick to his morals and find another way, but he came up empty and the show had to give him a way of taking away the Fire Lord’s power so Aang didn’t have to make that choice in the end (there’s also that thing with the rock to his back and having to give up Katara but we’re not getting into that).

People could argue that, “oh, he admitted to himself that he’d have to kill the Fire Lord and then he got the Deus Ex Machina so it’s okay!” but the problem there is that the narrative basically gave two options: Murder or Take Away the Guy’s Bending, but there was incredible risk involved in the latter option. Aang almost lost himself against the Fire Lord and risked everything so that he would not have to kill him.

I would argue it makes him weak. I would argue that needing the narrative to favor him makes him weak (which is one plus for Marinette I guess the narrative is usually against her???). The lack of ability to understand his past lives and see things from their perspective made him weak for me, as him holding so stiffly to his values made it appear that he felt his ways were “better” than everyone else’s (which had been a long-standing problem for me and I never forgave him for “The Southern Raiders”).

Anonymous said:

What do you think of adriens mom Emilie. Like what do you how do you feel she wound up using the peacock miraculous personally I’m leaning into her being a villain due to the fact that there aren’t any stories of a peacock hero (unless they retcon that) and that her husband is well freaking Gabriel who has no real form of morals. Also I can’t help but think of how they got the miraculous in the first place. Anyways overall what do you think they will do with her or think of her right now.

I see her like I see any dead mom in media (I know she’s comatose, not the point); a tool for angst. Her reasons for using the peacock could be anything (might even be that she was given it and simply wearing it was damaging to her, or she transformed once to try it out and that was that), but I just don’t feel strongly about her because I’m not invested in the Agreste plot.

Me personally, I headcanon that she’s kind of like Bustier where she appears good but is actually very damaging. Instead of the generic “good mom who tried to do good things for her son but folded to angry dad’s demands,” I would like to imagine that she’s selfish in her own right and was part of the reason for Adrien never going to public school; she’s possessive herself (a contributor to why the Agrestes are so wealthy) and wants her son to remain close to her even if she genuinely cares about him and should want him to be able to go and learn from the world.

But I imagine they’ll probably make her either “pure good mom” or “villain like Gabriel where she’s ‘sympathetic’ but also evil.” The show has never been good at doing gray morality (see my MC Audrey for example) and usually messes things up if they try.

Anonymous said:

Honestly, I don't like Mme. Bustier, but if they DARE pull the pregnancy jokes with her--and I don't mean "pregnancy puns", like those would be ACTUALLY funny without offending anybody, but "ooh, she's pregnant so now she's moody and has wacky cravings and screams at everybody and is a nightmare to be around" and other things that just scream "male writer who mocks female biology and doesn't understand women", I'm going to cry. We already don't like Bridezilla, and this isn't any better.

Ugh. I don’t even like pregnancy plots in general or anything related to pregnancy (my followers who have been around forever and know of my hatred towards babies: wow what a shock!!), so adding on “jokes” like that?

Hard pass. I already don’t like Bustier so the mere idea of her potentially getting any focus there--

Anonymous said:

What do you think of the Alyanette ship? Personally, I'm ambivalent to it, but I can sorta see Alya being bi and having a crush on Marinette but Marinette doesn't like her back. Or she could have a crush on Ladybug. But I don't like the idea of it being mutual, considering how pushy and invasive Alya is. It also doesn't make sense for her to so insistently push the love square if she likes Marinette. But perhaps that's where some of her sarcastic quips come from: jealousy(cliche I know).

I’m always here for bi representation (no one can take my bi disaster headcanon’d Nino and Kagami away from me), but I actively dislike the Alyanette ship. I was okay with it back in Season 1 but it started to fall off in Season 2 and officially die in Season 3.

I don’t judge people by what they ship (...much; there’s obviously that little part of me that can’t help giving the side eye) but yeah, not for me.

Anonymous said:

As a different flavor of angst: Can you imagine Marinette’s class going to Riverside park in NYC and Tikki spotting the Jeanne D’Arc statue? I always wondered what it would have been like for Tikki to see Jeanne burned alive by the people she swore to protect. I think Nobody briefly touched on this for Witch Hunter, but not many people I have seen (probably missed something) talk about it. What do you think?

I’m indifferent to past holders getting mentioned and acknowledged; not sure how I feel about them given specific names and such (I kinda like seeing their designs and such but making them actual people from the real world? mmmm not here for that as much).

I like the idea though of addressing those real world things and having the kwami reacting to them. Like, it did make me genuinely sad in the New York special to see Liiri come out and call out Gilbert’s name, only to see this other guy standing there and we know that this Gilbert guy is very much dead by now.

On a related note, I’d be all for a special getting into a kwami’s problem and not making everything Marinette’s fault, so having Marinette maybe helping a kwami through theri issues and it leads into getting more lore on the kwami.

Anonymous said:

I just had an epiphany today: People who hate on Marinette for being "mean" to Lila/teachers telling Marinette to ignore Chloe and Lila and treat them nicely are the equivalent of real adults telling girls who are being bullied by boys that "he does it because he likes you." Ladies, raise your hands if something like this has ever happened: "Jamal tried to cut my cheek open with a razor!" "Oh, Aaliyah, he's only doing it because he likes you." Now that I've seen it I can't unsee it. Disgusting.

“Marinette, they’re just jealous of you, that’s all! Can you really get angry at them for that??”

us: yes

Anonymous said:

Thinking about Puppeteer 2 and how Marinette's identity could have been blown if she had talked to Tikki because of Plagg's incompetence angers me beyond belief because I know, just KNOW, if that had actually happened, Marinette would take ALL THE BLAME for it like there's no tomorrow. It would never occur to anyone that she normally talks to Tikki while she's alone and had no idea that the "statue" in front of her was a real boy AND her partner, or that Plagg should have said something. Ugh.

I KNOW, RIGHT????

That was such a big annoyance to me in that episode. They literally neglected the actual reality of what would happen (”Oh, Tikki! No one’s here, I could practice on this Adrien statue!”) for the sake of humiliating Marinette... again.

Anonymous said:

Your comment about how Ladybug always says she's "in love with someone else", as if that should matter diddly squat when the problem is with Chat not respecting her feelings on their own without another guy in the picture reminds me of a #YesAllWomen post I saw on Twitter. It read: "'I have a boyfriend' is the easiest way to get a man to leave you alone. Because he respects another man more than you." It's just like this except without the dating and the fact that Chat DOESN'T leave her alone.

And then you remember that the “someone else” she’s in love with is the exact person who’s disrespecting her feelings and you proceed to hate everything.

Anonymous said:

The statue scene in Puppeteer 2 could've easily kept its humor by having Adrien fall over when Marinette puts her weight on him and almost kisses him, then Marinette goes "Gasp! You're not a statue!" Marinette is always being forced to humiliate herself in the name of "love", even when she doesn't deserve it, so for once, let Adrien be the one utterly humiliated of his own doing. Then they could have a sad scene where Adrien ACTUALLY comforts her and...wait for it...LEARNS A LESSON.

Alternatively, someone who works on the statues comes in and, also mistaking Adrien for a statue, tries to do some sort of work on him.

Anonymous said:

Since we can all agree that this show is sadly not very good at girl power/inclusivity, how would you tweak the show to make it more genuinely female-empowering/inclusive(can include racial/sexual inclusivity)? Besides the obvious(including more female and/or POC writers on board).

Orientation-related inclusivity isn’t even that hard. Have a character get a call from someone and just be like, “oh, it’s my boyfriend/girlfriend,” and then other companies can just dub it if they’re so afraid of characters who like the same gender.

Firstly, I’d have Marinette learn and become more of a mentor character to other characters (male and female), lean more into more “females in power” (like Mylene showing genuine interest in being the next mayor), either less focus on the “girl antagonists are evil/unredeemable” plots or at least make them legitimate threats that don’t need the narrative to cater to them to make them threatening.

Secondly, Adrien needs to STOP being the one to keep telling Marinette/Ladybug what’s right or the way to do things. I can’t stress this one enough.

Thirdly, maybe not having a season dedicated to three guys getting miraculouses while all the girls are either questioned, self-reveal, or get their miraculous revoked. That might help. :P

Anonymous said:

The saddest thing is that I can see ML going through a "Fate: The Winx Saga" in the future and having an awful, edgy reboot to appeal more to adults.

Different writers probably but at what cost.

+ more sexualization obviously since that’s usually what “more adult” means; Audrey gets the cleavage that her design clearly calls for at least, but again, at what cost

Anonymous said:

I hate what TheOnesWhoMustNotBeNamed have done to the Love Square but I also don't like Lukanette and Adrigami (nothing against the characters themselves). This is going to be one of those shows that regardless what ship wins is going to disappoint around 90% of the fans.

No hate for not liking Lukanette/Adrimi, I understand that.

And yeah, there’s a <1% chance that they can pull out anything satisfying.

Anonymous said:

Off topic, but I realized why I don’t like Clara Nightingale’s design, there’s no light to her eyes, makes her look kinda dead, kinda evil.

DQ tend to do that when they’re the ones animating. I remember “Christmaster” doing particularly well with the eye highlights.

Anonymous said:

What do you think about the future Miraculous specials (Africa, Japan, Rio, Shanghai, London)?

Will be happy to see a new setting because it shows different cultures (though there’s always the chance that the culture is poorly-represented) but that’s basically it. Specials are usually just a cash grab that are just there and any expansion on lore and such is shunted to the side for the sake of love square drama, judging by the New York special.

Anonymous said:

I haven't watched the New York Special yet, don't think I can bring myself to tbh, but this whole time I thought Aeon was the name of the superhero persona, and that the fandom was collectively calling her civilian identity Uncanny Valley bc her model was that bad.

I was genuinely shocked to find out that her civilian identity is named Aeon and that her hero name is Uncanny Valley bc that is not only a stupid name, but kind of insulting since she's an android character of color. (Well, she's a character of color except for when shes running around as a pale naked superhero. Majestia, give your kid some pants!)

oof

Yeah, the Uncanny Valley thing threw me off too. “Aeon” really does sound like a superhero name.

I can’t believe they made her a robot and were like, “mannequin robot design.” I question so many things about the decisions made around Aeon fdkjgjfdg.

Anonymous said:

Do you think they’ll ever leave DuPont college, since it’s a middle school (essentially) and go to a lycee (high school)? I think they’re in their second year of four at DuPont, judging by the previous class picture.

I doubt it, unless we get more seasons? It would mean having to model a whole new school.

Anonymous said:

So I was reading again tikki brand boyfriend and this come to my mind and I have to share it with you.... Tikki is the mother in law of marinette in the future lol (sorry if this isn't the right blog to ask this) (I love yours au, you are amazing!)

(this is the wrong blog, yes, you’re looking for mc-lukanette, not miraculouscontent)

Thank you though! i agree, that’s cute, ahaha~

Anonymous said:

Did you know that there's a TV Tropes page for LadyBugOut?! And someone even left a review there saying they liked it and that they were sick of the Marinette embarrassing and wanted some Lukanette. They say your au is their favorite au in the fandom! Isn't that just swell?

Yes! And the TV Tropes page is fantastic! Thank you!

Anonymous said:

OMG IVE FIGURED OUT WHY MARINETTE IS UNABLE TO GET OVER ADRIEN!!! She’s under the influence of a love potion called Amortentia, which causes a powerful obsession from the drinker (it’s from Harry Potter). That’s why she’s so obsessed, and that’s why she can’t get over Adrien! She literally can’t while under the influence of the potion! She just needs to drink the antidote, and then she can finally be free!

Oh no!! Someone get this poor girl an antidote, STAT!

Anonymous said:

I was just reading your review of Silencer(which I totally agree with by the way), and when I got to the part about how Ladybug lost her voice and her powers are voice-activated, it got me thinking about how annoying Chat was being(as another anon noted, which I also agree with), and then it hit me. While it may just come off as his usual flirtatious banter that's innocent, the fact that he doesn't even seem to mind Ladybug not being able to detransform because then he gets to "be with her" forever and ever and ever amen just proves your point about Chat Blanc. He cares more about being with Ladybug than Ladybug herself, so long as she gets to keep being Ladybug "for him", that's what matters. Remember that the girl he fell in love with was the superhero persona and not the girl under the mask. He couldn't care less about who that actual girl is so long as she's his "lady" and loves him back. He just wants her to uphold the image of his strong and powerful "lady" that he admires.

(Glad you enjoyed the “Silencer” review! Thanks!)

Full agreement here! Chat isn’t really in love with Ladybug; he’s in love with the image he’s made of her and wants to keep it that way, no matter how much he may suggest otherwise.

Anonymous said:

Luka is soooo much more interesting with Marinette like, why isn't he the love interest? Same with Kagami for Adrien. To be honest it would be cool if the show set up the love square at first but then slowly started to change to Lukanette and Adrimi once Marinette and Adrien realized their crushes were just not working out. They can still have an identity reveal, but they'll refreshingly stay friends. But the writers don't have the ovaries to do that, I get it. -_- Such wasted potential.

They could’ve done a really interesting bait-and-switch but they decided not to. The love square is full of holes and flaws that they’re very likely never going to address (outside of anything used for that “gAsP maybe they won’t get together???” drama), so having it actually be addressed and be like, “okay, we’re better as friends,” would’ve gone over so much better.

Anonymous said:

I hear people complain all the time that Lukanette is toxic because Luka is merely the "second choice" for Marinette, and that she just uses him as a rebound when she fails to get Adrien's attention. But the truth is, that's not how it is at all. Luka's not anywhere near her "second choice". He gives her tranquility and stability, and she helps him loosen up and have someone to express his creativity towards. Plus, it's totally normal for teens to have two crushes whom they can't choose between.

THIS

ALL OF THIS

I am so tired of people saying that Marinette is “using” Luka in someway as if it’s a conscious decision on her part to take advantage him.

Luka makes her happy. That’s it. Luka is aware of how she feels and respects her space, but I guess that makes him a “pushover” and “he lets Marinette walk all over him” because he didn’t get upset with her and embarrass her in “Desperada” by calling her out over her Adrien blindness.

Anonymous said:

People who say "I like Marinette but she's getting to be pretty embarrassing sometimes" really don't get that the show constantly forces her into situations where she's embarrassed and made out to be incompetent. Like, it's not her that's embarrassing, it's the show that's always embarrassing her. Kind of like Serena/Usagi in the (shitty)DiC English dub of Sailor Moon. It's getting irritating to hear people continually rag on Marinette as if SHE'S the clueless idiot, rather than the writers.

There are some things that happen to her that she literally could not have predicted. Like, just saying, if I had someone claiming to be my friend, I would expect them to know I’m anxiety-prone and not pretend to be a statue just

Anonymous said:

Remarried Empress Anon: I can see Felix as the Duke and maybe Jagged Stone as Kosair (but an uncle and not her brother).

I agree with both of those! Jagged Stone as Kosair/Koshar, omg.

Plus, the idea of Luka and Felix being “friends” amuses me.

Anonymous said:

You know, I find Felix/Marinette content to be really funny. Because, Felix in fanfiction is a completely different character than his canon self- with a different personality, background, and maybe even last name. So, the entire Marinette/Felix fandom is literally just Marinette/oc except it's always the same oc

I struggle to get fully behind Felinette because so much of it does rely on fandom interpretation and playing with fanon in general (plus, having to clarify “I ship fanon Felinette” is weird).

I do however agree that it’s interesting that it ultimately comes to a character built on fanon grounds, and how much more acceptance characters get when they’re based on “canon”/originally canon characters.

Anonymous said:

How would you write the Miraculous PV version? Just wondering.

I don’t think I could without drastically changing characters and at that point it’s not really the PV anymore. “Bridgette“ and Felix’s relationship is the exact opposite of what I like to watch/read about so yeah, changing both of them to what I like would either be too severe of a rewrite or me working too far within the restrictions set out for me.

Anonymous said:

There's a YouTube video claiming that someone will figure out that Marinette is Ladybug and that she will suffer...I mean, yeah? Isn't that what we've already been getting? I mean, not the first part, obviously(and when we have, it's been undone), but the second? Have we been watching the same show? No, have we? Because Marinette suffering, sadly, is not anything new.

lol “Marinette will suffer!” and us like “did you seriously use future tense as if Marinette isn’t already suffering??”

Anonymous said:

Am I the only one who feels like Miraculous Ladybug is feeling less like a magical girl show and more like just another superhero show? This isn't even because of "girl power" or anything like that, or the fact that there are male Miraculous wielders like Chat and Carapace and(long dreamy sigh) Viperion. This is because the outfits don't really resemble magical girl outfits at all and, after watching various magical girl shows both in and out of Japan, Miraculous is starting to feel like its genre is shifting from magical girl to that of "superhero" in its broadest term. And I know I said I wouldn't bring up "girl power", but the fact that so many of the girls aren't treated respectfully by the narrative and are pitted against each other, to the point where they're more likely to lose their Miraculouses or reveal their identities(which often culminates in losing their Miraculouses), only adds to this because the Magical Girl genre is about female empowerment and solidarity.

It's sad because I really don't want this show to become one of those shows where "there might be one or two girls, and she might even be the lead, but it's still mostly guys who are front and center doing the heavy lifting" that we get all the time. Things are starting to change for the better and I want Miraculous to capitalize on that emergence of female empowerment as much as possible. Plus, with the New York Special, the magical girl aspects of the show have been toned down if not obliterated entirely: the transformations for the superheroes only last one minute, and they feel more like the Avengers than Sailor Senshi(which I don't mean in the most literal sense, of course, I am in no way saying that none of them can be male.). Plus they pulled the whole "Samus is a Girl" thing TWICE! TWICE! Come on, if you're show is really about girl power, it shouldn't come as a surprise when girls are, well...powerful! And especially not in Magical Girl for obvious reasons.

So while I'm not saying it's bad for a show to shift from the original genre it was meant to be in(although it must be done carefully, otherwise it looks like you don't know what you're doing), and there is of course no wrong way to do Magical Girl(except for Madoka Magica and Yuki Yuna, do NOT go there!), it does make me wonder. And it's kind of disappointing, because I really love Magical Girl and I feel like shows like these could introduce the genre to a wider audience and could renovate it as well. But unfortunately they're going a different direction, and that makes me sad. If not for the transformation phrases/sequences and the fact that they have animal companions, I imagine most people would be totally clueless as to how on Earth this show counts as Magical Girl. It still counts as such for me, but it's deviating farther and farther away from the genre to the point where it becomes nigh unrecognizable, or like even the show writers forgot what genre it's supposed to be. Sadly.

Yikes.

Yeah, I can’t imagine how seeing this show must be like for people that are more savvy with magical girl shows. Me personally, I had to be told that it was a magical girl show because it honestly just gave off the “superhero show” vibes even with the magical girl-esque transformations.

Plus, with magical girls, you usually expect a group of girls? Here, we have Ladybug and Chat Noir, who the writers keep being like “they’re equals” which... yeah, that’s fine but it doesn’t really work with the idea that this is a magical girl show? I mean, “Party Crasher” was basically Ladybug and her reverse harem of superhero guys who just got out of a “males-only” party.

I dunno, coming from someone who doesn’t have a lot of experience with magical girl shows, it just doesn’t have what I would expect when I think “magical girl show featuring a healthy dose of girl power.”

Anonymous said:

I was once reading this review of Miraculous Ladybug called "Miraculous Ladybug is a Hot Mess: A Rant", and while it's a good video and you should watch it and I totally agree with everything she said(plus, it made me laugh a few times!), I had a huge issue with the way she made Marinette's stammering around Adrien to be ALL HER FAULT since he's never mean to her and is always patient with her(yeah, more like oblivious), but that "she's incompetent" and "cockblocks herself", which annoys me because Marinette on her own is not the incompetent one here(I also don't like the term "cockblock", like, can we not? But anyway...), rather, it's the writers who make her incompetent for cheap laughs and don't allow her to improve or let anyone(but Luka, bless his kind soul!) truly be on her side. She then had the nerve to say "Marinette needs to learn to define herself outside of who she's crushing on", when, NO, once again, the WRITERS are the ones who define her by her crush on Adrien.

It's one thing to blame a character for something even when she's clearly written by a writer, because characters are supposed to be consistent yet flexible and have free will in-universe. But when she's written this inconsistently/it's obvious the writers have it out for her(to the point where they even say it) it is nigh impossible to pretend it's an aspect of the character herself and not the writers at fault. THAT'S where you draw the line between blaming the character vs the writer.

In fact, speaking of Luka, she also said that she wants the show to get rid of Luka because he's just a "plot device" and has no reason to like her beyond the fact that she's a "funny girl". She also said that Luka is a stereotype of the "cute bad boys who are emo", when that's blatantly untrue. She's allowed to not like Lukanette but all the things she's saying really ignore the point of his character and that his life DOESN'T revolve around Marinette; the writers simply don't respect him.

Even worse, she contradicted herself by saying that Lukanette is pointless because "we all know that Marinette is going to get with Adrien; it's endgame so why does the show even bother with Luka?" Then right after that says that Kagami's okay and that it's okay for Adrien to move onto Kagami because Ladybug has rejected him as Chat so many times(which is apparently not the case for Adriennette because "MaRiNeTtE's JuSt InCoMpEtEnT" right?). So teenage girls aren't allowed to like other boys or date more than one boy, yet teenage boys can date as many chicks as they like. Nice.

And apparently, any problem in a relationship or potential relationship is the girl's fault no matter what. She can't approach him because Goddess forbid girls not always be perfect and capable? She's incompetent and it's all her fault she can't properly talk to a perfectly nice, cute, FAMOUS boy. She rejects him every time he confesses despite him knowing it will fail. Her fault for being mean and not giving him a chance. She gets tired of chasing him and decides to look at someone else since it's not like she's legally married to Boy #1? She should stick with the original boy since they're gonna get together anyway. He gets tired of chasing her and decides to look at someone else since it's not like he's legally married to Girl #1? She should've realized his feelings for her and returned them since they're gonna be endgame anyway. Has this lady ever even been a teenage girl?

Plenty of teenage girls get tongue-tied around the one they love even if he or she is a perfectly nice, sweet person, it doesn't mean they're incompetent(especially when the girls are fictional characters in a world set out to punish them for not making progress and for trying to make progress at the same time, and the fact that the boy is a celebrity who is always made oblivious and kept distant enough from the girl so she can keep putting him on a pedestal and never truly get to know him). Plenty of teenage girls lose interest in one boy and so fall for another. Yet it's somehow only okay for boys to do it? Seriously?

And then for the episode "Ladybug", the reviewer continues to rag on Marinette, blaming her for the fact that her reaction to getting expelled was "I can't let that nasty Hawkmoth win", claiming she wasn't reacting like a normal teen or human in general would react in that scenario, completely ignoring the fact that it's TIKKI who doesn't comfort Marinette and forces her to focus on her duties as Ladybug and almost getting akumatized. She's right about the plot moving too fast, but she doesn't take into account WHY it's moving too fast, because the show doesn't focus on Marinette's inner struggle and what she has to go through. Instead of giving her time to process her thoughts after all that goes on and providing Tikki as a source of comfort and support(which she's, you know, SUPPOSED to be), they make Tikki berate her and force Marinette to push it to the side.

She's never allowed to feel. And that's why it hurts all the more when this woman insults Marinette for her perceived ineptitude, and she's fully allowed to dislike Marinette, critique her behaviors, dislike Luka, critique his role in the story etc., just don't reinforce a double standard as you do so and look closer: ultimately most of Marinette's problems are due to her not being permitted to FEEL. She's not allowed to be nervously in love, or be calm, or be offended, or be just not ready.

The writers keep pushing her in one direction, to be emotionless, to be selfless, to be nice, to be honest, to be "the mature/responsible one" to be a perfect little "Purrincess", to not push for or want anything for herself, even though the show is supposed to be about girl power! She does somewhat touch on that by saying that Ladybug never gets to "take a hit" and that the Marichat scene in Glaciator was too short, but she never goes into why everything is too-fast paced. And if she did, she wouldn't be saying everything she does about Marinette and Luka. Because Luka is more than just the "plot device" she dismisses him as.

He's like a calm oasis, the apple of the hurricane who keeps Marinette calm and just lets. her. breathe. He's possibly the only person who doesn't berate her, who doesn't mimic her, who doesn't insult her, who doesn't ignore her. And the one time he does, he apologizes RIGHT AWAY when he sees how sad she looks. And the funny thing is, I used to hate that scene, because when I first saw it, I thought "Oh man! Luka did the same thing as everyone else did once!" But now I see that it serves as a contrast, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to the other characters in the show. Whereas they never apologize for how they treat Marinette(and often she somehow ends up apologizing instead, sadly) and in fact seem oblivious to it at times or just don't care, Luka notices, Luka cares, and Luka apologizes. That shows that he cares about her and her feelings, unlike the rest of the characters in the show.

And while they do care about her, they're never held accountable for how they treat her. Anarka and Plagg are probably the only exceptions that I can think of(who contribute to the plot of course), but they're obviously not love interests, and the video doesn't talk about them, so I won't talk about them either. But my point is that this review, while good in other ways, is still problematic in this regard, for how it completely ignores Marinette's struggles and how they affect her, as well as the value of Luka's character(even if the show doesn't recognize it at times) and the POSITIVE effect they have on each other(especially since he actually, genuinely, wholeheartedly loves her and is patient with her, since Adrien is barely even her friend and Chat is pushy and entitled. And he has a life outside of her too, which this video chooses to ignore.)! So yeah, I'm sorry this took so long, but I just had to protect my favorite characters because that video did them so dirty. Thank you for coming to my Lukanette Ted Talk! Have a miraculous day! ;3

...Wow????

Can I just say wow??

Firstly, kudos to you for having the patience to not only write all of that, but simultaneous deal within Tumblr’s limitations while doing so? I almost wish I had a video detailing all of these topics (not exactly a video response to that person, but just detailing all of this without explicitly calling people out).

Secondly, I absolutely, 100% feel you on the double standards. I have seen so much hypocrisy in my experiences and it’s insane how people will bash Marinette relentlessly and then let Adrien off with a bunch of excuses, or hate Luka for essentially existing and then accept Kagami.

I also hate the idea of disliking Luka because he’s there to make Marinette feel better, and then liking Kagami because she causes conflict, like the implication is that conflict equals good and things that make Marinette feel loved and cared for are bad because love square endgame, I guess.

It’s exhausting, especially when Marinette is fourteen, clearly tries, but is getting no support. Like, have you ever thought how weird it was that Tom and Sabine seemingly knew back in “Gamer” that Marinette was crushing on Adrien, but in “Weredad,” they don’t worry about the fact that Marinette is into someone else or wonder what might’ve happened with Adrien, like if he might’ve hurt her in some way? If the assumption is, “oh, they just think that’s a teenage thing, flip-flopping between love interests,” well... Tom clearly takes what he thinks to be her current crush very seriously, and even if it was true that they presume she’s just flip-flopping, that really doesn’t show them to see Marinette as more than just a clumsy teenager-in-love stereotype.

So yeah, the characters who are meant to be there to support her ask no questions, but here’s Luka with his sweet “you can tell me everything or nothing, you can be yourself around me,” line, and yet... Luka is the problem???

Sure, how dare this sweet boy NOT cause Marinette more stress. He makes Marinette feel better about herself and therefore he’s “pointless” (which, really, is the true mark of someone who doesn’t care about Marinette).

Ugh.

But yeah, in conclusion, people can have insane double standards when it comes to Luka and Marinette, and thank you for the Lukanette Ted Talk, this was a really good piece! You have a nice day too! ;3

(note: the below ask seems to cut short at the end and I didn’t get a message back about it but I at least wanted to have it here so the anon has (most of?) their story heard even if I can’t properly comment on it:)

Anonymous said:

Relating to the ask about Marinette imagining the events of the series. For me it would be realistic as I sort of see myself in her position for some parts, especially how her friends are represent (mainly Alya) and I can see myself picturing the events of the story (surrounding them) to some extent.

I'm continuing on to explain and rant about how I relate to Marinette. So about Alya's pushiness with Marinette's crush and how she won't let her move on. I used to be sort of friends with this person and one day we hanging out at school and she started badgering me to tell her who my crush was, even though I told her I didn't have one (I didn't have one but even if I did it wasn't her business, especially because we hadn't really interacted for a couple years).

She pressured me enough that I felt the need to make up a person, then she called me out just after I did it because she knew I was lying but didn't realise how uncomfortable I was lucky we were by ourselves so no one could hear how embarrassing it was. It still is but I sort have gotten over it (that's why I'm hear complaining). For her being made to sit by herself because everyone else paired of, I can relate.

I have never been the person who is really close with the friend group (probably because I'm quiet and struggle to interact with others), but I still I hang out during class time, but there have been times when two of the friends sat together and the other friend chose not to sit with me but just in front of me (the tables can fit two people at them) until one friend I went to primary school asked "what about [me]", so them she sat next to me.

The person I went to primary school with also has chosen to sit with the person who was not to sit with me so she could sit closer to the other two friends diagonally across from me on the table next to mine. I can understand Marinette in The Chameleon for how she would of felt when her friends turned in because I am left wondering if my friends even like me, although primary school friend sometimes tried to get to wait with them when we were waiting for the teacher to show up.

As I mentioned earlier I anxious when trying to interact with people who are even considered my friends so I wait for them to invite me to hangout with them. And for the ending of The Chameleon when everything went back to normal, in primary school we had this task we were told research a person and write a biography on them so as the teacher told us we were writing a good copy and the work in our books was a rough draft.

I wrote the information down as I would the good copy to make sure I was happy with it. When we were writing the good copy, I started to worry I had done something wrong as I had seen my friends work and they bith had just written down the facts. So as my friends and I kept having arguments and fights so I told them that I hoped I remembered to spell all the names correctly because they were not names I was knew how to spell which was true so they didn't question it as I could tell they did

#category: salt #character: Marinette Dupain Cheng #relationship: love square #character: Adrien Agreste #category: fandom #MC: Audrey Bourgeois #episode: Chat Blanc #character: Emilie Agreste #character: Caline Bustier #relationship: Alya Cesaire & Marinette Dupain Cheng #episode: The Puppeteer 2 #MC's Adjustments #adjustment: romance #category: staff #character: Clara Nightingale #episode: Silencer #relationship: Luka Couffaine & Marinette Dupain Cheng #relationship: Felix Graham de Vanily & Marinette Dupain Cheng #other: askplosion

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auswriteforyou · 3 years

Text

Undeserving. (Ethan Choi, Chicago Med)

It was burned into her brain. Medically speaking, she knew that was impossible. She knew memories were less medical and more mental. Maybe she should schedule an appointment with Dr. Charles. Maybe he could get the memory of her husband having sex with April in an exam room on the 4th floor while she was doing life-saving surgery down the hall out of her head.

She understood the location choice. It was rarely used, the only time they made it up there was when no other bay was available. She had left the room feeling incredible. It was a difficult situation, one that required far too much attention and far too little preparation was given but it had come out with the best possible outcome. She wanted to find Ethan immediately, tell him what she’d accomplished and about the patient she’d grown close to in this process. She didn’t expect to find him in the exam room she heard a crash come from.

She had figured it was just a patient having wondered from their room but no. It was such a nightmare that she had no reaction to it at all. The scramble of them untangling, the sound of scrubs being pulled on and apologies falling on empty ears.

She filed the divorce papers the next day. She put in her transfer request that afternoon. He refused to sign them. Imagine that. He was unfaithful for months, treated her like a stranger for months, literally had sex with her best friend and now he won’t sign the damn paperwork. And here she was, almost a year later of talking only through an attorney from her very expensive law firm in New York because she didn’t even want to hear his voice.

But she was tired of wasting money and her efforts on getting someone as stubborn as him to do anything without getting what he wanted first. She pulled on her big girl pants this morning and decided that today was a good day for a whole lot of baggage. She boarded her plane, she landed, she came straight to the hospital and she was Pissed. The week long vacation she had been planning to Bermuda had been interrupted for this.

“No way.” Will Halstead greeted her at the door, eyes bright and smile shiny. “Look what the cat dragged in.”

“Do I look that bad?” She smiled, knowing damn well she looked like a four course meal. She’d used this year to become someone she was proud to recognize, to grow the pain and assert herself in ways she never dreamed she would. She was a chairwoman on more boards than she could count. Lead cardiologist in the most sought after position in the most sought after hospital in the world. She knew who she was, she was sure of it.

“Honestly, you’re smoking hot.” He knew how to make a girl feel special. “Do I wanna know why you’re here? You looked like you were about to walk through the walls.”

She held up the file folder, a grimace on her face and he didn’t need any more context clues. They’d all heard the stories, how the papers got served to him in the middle of a surgery and the refusal to sign or send them back on his part. It was annoying honestly.

“Help a girl out, where might I find him?”

“Surgery Room 1.” Oh, good. He wouldn’t be able to run away.

The gallery was almost full, apparently a good surgery in their books. Thankfully, she’d timed it just right that they were beginning to close. She greeted her old coworkers, offering quick hellos and we’ll catch ups because she was always a business first kind of lady.

Ethan stepped more into view and that flutter she remembered from the first time they met flew into her chest. Had he managed to get more attractive? Her finger pressed the intercom. She cleared her throat.

“Ethan, if you don’t sign these papers you’re going to be the one who needs to be sewn up.” His head snapped at the speed of light to her in the gallery. She could tell it took him a minute to recognize her, or to make sure she was actually there. Could have been a mixture of both.

“Darling?” She rolled her eyes, waving the papers at him.

“Meet me at my car when you’re done. Bring a pen.”

He did not, in fact, bring a pen. He barely found her because he wasn’t expecting the Lamborghini rental car. He climbed into the passenger seat, eyes never leaving her face. It was kind of creepy.

“How have you been?” She snorted.

“A year of putting me through the political ringer and that’s what you start with?” She tossed the papers in his lap, trying not to let him see the hurt she still had lingering in her eyes. “Sign these. Please.”

“Talk to me.” He was quick to rebuttal. “Please. Let’s just have one conversation. I’ve spoken to no one but your lawyer for months.”

“Exactly Ethan,” He cringed at the lack of nickname, “I didn’t think I had to spell it out how much I didn’t want to talk with you.”

“Please.” He knew he had no right to ask her for anything but she was here on a mission. She wasn’t leaving without a resolution. “How have you been?”

“I’m head of Cardiology in New York, I have a dog, I bought a new car and recently found out I am allergic to fish. How’s April?” That was a low blow. She knew it, he knew it but she traveled far too many miles to not get her little jabs in.

“She moved away, I don’t know where she is. I haven’t seen her since that day.” At least he was honest. She used to pride herself on being able to tell when he was lying but after all that, she didn’t know what she knew.

“Awesome, glad to know it was all for nothing. Now that we’re all caught up, sign them.”

“No.”

“Ethan, the next option is to have it annulled by the court in which they give me half of everything you have.”

“You were the only thing I had that ever mattered.” She felt her mouth drop open, felt like he had slapped her in the face.

“You’re kidding right? That’s how you treat the most important thing in your life then? I’d hate to be the things you hate. Honestly, fuck that.”

“I fucked up, I take full responsibility. I won’t gaslight, I won’t say you did anything wrong because you didn’t. I was weak, I was the one who sought out something new because I was afraid of my own insecurities as a man, as a husband. I thought I would never be good enough for you and I set out to prove it. It’s not that you made me feel that way or made me feel like I should be more, I just convinced myself I wasn’t.”

It was silent for a long moment, the damage between them beginning to sew itself back up because, for once, he was opening up to her.

“I fought tooth and nail for us, from dating to engagement to marriage. I fought for you when your brain fought against you. I fought for you when you couldn’t fight for yourself. And at the first sign of me healing myself, of me choosing myself for once, you ran off with my best friend because you both felt insecure about things out of anyone’s control.”

“You’re right. You’re absolutely right. That’s the worst part. It’s the worst part because I took all the respect, all the trust, love, compassion you gave me and stomped on it. I treated you with such disregard and disrespect that it makes me sick and darling,” She looked at him for the first time since they decided to open up, “I am truly sorry.”

She stared at him for a long moment, the anger from earlier finding a lighter lull in her chest as she searched for any sign of a lie. She’d reinvented herself, made herself stronger through becoming who she had always wanted to be. He had reinvented himself by realizing where his mistakes were and how to better himself to be who he wanted, needed to be. She wondered for a moment if he was coming to the same realization as her. They weren’t the same people they had been. They had grown, sprouted leaves and vines and built themselves up from the roots.

“I forgive you.” Out of all the things to come out of her mouth, neither of them expected that.

“What does that mean?” His voice was almost a whisper, his fingers that had saved many lives toying with the edges of the file folder.

“It means we talk,” She took the folder from him, tossing it into the backseat without care. “And we figure out what this means, we don’t lie to each other and we try. Both of us this time. I can’t float this relationship, whatever it is or is not, we have to be on the same page.”

He looked at her like she’d put the stars in the sky, sewn him up with the tidal waves and took them to the moon. She wondered if he’d keep looking at her like that. It didn’t scare her to think that he would. They didn’t kiss, they didn’t jump into each others arms and scream at the top of their lungs about love and happiness. They let their pinkies brush over the console, their hearts and minds race at the thought of whats to be built and allowed themselves to begin to grow, with each other.

it’s been a hot minute but my fingers started tapping and that was that! This was a request from an Anon that I was happy to fill. I hope you enjoy, I apologize for the wait. It’s also been a LOOOOOOng time since watching the show, I don’t have any plot lines. I don’t even know who is still on it, hopefully I was vague enough to not deviate too far off script. (also I didn’t get to proofread this, I'm sorry). Thank you for requesting and happy new year!

#chicago med #Ethan choi #ethan choi fanfiction #Ethan choi imagine #ethan choi imagines #chicago med imagine #chicago med imagines #chicago series #chicago med fanfiction #I honestly just write whenever I want to huhh #anyways #enjoy!#auswriteforyou

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youwontlikethisblog · 3 years

Text

I'm not a woman of my word lol

LMBO SCREW IT I'LL TALK ABOUT MORE THAN ONCE SCENE JUST DON'T EXPECT IT TO BE GOOD(honestly I want to binge watch the entire show but then see one thing and I'm like this deserves an entire post!)

Betty brings him his caldo and he gets in the way and takes it from her hands and thanks her. The phone rings and she rushes to her office and Mario mocks him by saying "Oh but she spoils you" Armando then turns to look at Betty's office like he realized that she is like that with him.

However the moment is ruined, remember again how when Mario told Armando that Nicolas was after their money even then Armando didn't want to continue with the plan but now that he hears Betty's conversation with Nicolas all of a sudden 'it's for the good for the company I must make her fall in love'. This clashes stupidly with the actions before.

"Ay Betty, I don't know if I woke up with my liver or brain because everything is still party, praty, point is I woke up with a pretty bad hangover."

Betty not once has gotten mad, showed annoyance or really indicated to Armando that she personally cares about him and his hangover as she tells him that the caldo is only because he needs to be on his best for the sake of the company's benefit.

Now Armando hears Betty upset with Nicolas over his drinking as she says:

"Ay no, Nicolas. Don't tell me you started to drink with him."

Nicolas goes on to say he is an easy prey to peer pressure and that the word no is not in his vocab that if she sees it floating around there to send it his way.

"I just don't like for you to go into those kinds of places where you spend it drinking." now Armando seems annoyed and Mario looks at him shocked at what he's hearing.

Armando and Mario have now first hand witnessed the dynamic of Nicolas and Betty in the work world. Nicolas informs Betty of the situation Eco Moda/Terra Moda is facing and Betty calls the shots. Just like Betty had told them two days before.

So it shouldn't be a cause of concern as now Betty proceeds to tell them exactly what went down, again showing that they are trustworthy.

I don't have to explain once more who is concerned and worry about who and what. *See the Betty, My Betty posts 1-3

Mario then tells Armando(After he[Mario] sent off a guilty Betty to get some paperwork from Marcela) that he doesn't like that Nicolas is becoming friends with the lawyers and he needs to prepare for a sober night with Betty.

Armando doesn't say anything.

Again, it could not be more clear who is actually distrusting in this situation.

Betty walks into Marcela's office and after she sees she's busy she goes off on a daydream, more like a day-nightmare as we see the penance of her guilty conscious accuse her in the form of Marcela.

As Betty returns to their offices Patty stops her and asks when she's getting her paycheck, to which Betty replies that she doesn't know but sometime that weekend and goes to Armando's office.

In there she gently shuts the door and in a low tone tells him that Marcela didn't have the papers. Armando now turns away from her and gives her his back, again this could show guilt but also anger(that she showed more concern over Nic being hungover than him) as he doesn't want to see her. Betty then proceeds to ask him if he's alright to which he replies that he has a hellish headache.

Betty tells him she'll get him some pain relief and picks up the tray of dishes to take with her. In this moment as Betty nears the door Patty opens the doors loudly and starts to yell.

Betty looks mad at Patty as she is yelling at Armando.

Why does she?

Betty has been very, extremely, attentive to Armando, more than the usual. She's taken notice of his demeanor, respected his evasiveness, spoken in a more hushed voice, gotten him food to get him to feel better, hasn't made much noise knowing that he's hungover and trying to keep his office peaceful and calm as well as instantly telling him she'd get him some relief for his headache but in an instant all of her efforts to keep him well are brought down by Patty who goes to at yell at him for her paycheck.

One: well she legit threw away all her work to keep Armando at peace

Two: she doesn't like that Patty is yelling at him and accusing her.

"[...] Betty when will it be possible to pay this...bleach blonde?"

Betty clears her throat and gently speaks "until this weekend. I had already talked to her about it, Sir."

More talking, Armando asks Betty to bring him what she promised and she tells him "right away" and leaves, Patty then pushes her away and Betty gently shuts his office doors.

She returns with the alka-seltzer and a glass of water for him and sets it in front of him. He once again keeps his eyes low.

Betty jokingly tells him that she warn him not too drink too much and now he's got a bad hangover and she laughs lightly. She then tells him she'll go get the paperwork from Marcela once more and asks if Mario has his too.

As she leaves the office Armando looks in pain because of his headache and again, guilty.

Betty stands outside Marcela's office door as she hear her and Patty talk bad about how she's dressed and how embarrassing it must've been for Armando to be seen with her the night before. They start to insult her and downplay Betty and she visibly looks upset but not in a sad way but angry.

This pushes Betty to not feel guilty over the entire situation(affair to be) with Armando.

This is her first mistake.

Her second being she is permitting herself to be involved and a willing participant in an affair with an engaged man. Armando isn't the only one to blame about this. They are both responsible and at fault for the dissolving of a (toxic) relationship and engagement. Did he make the first advances? Yes but at the end when the ball was in her court she willinging decided to throw her shot. This was her biggest sin, up to this point.

Betty is now talking about the sales report that Marcela gave her and the money they have to pay the banks. She then tells him that she'd like to talk to Mario regarding his reports. Armando has his shades, covering with his hand around his eyes, again he isn't able to make eye contact with Betty and doesn't want her to see him.

He then removes his shades and while explaining that Mario might be busy he tries to make eye contact but again looks away from her.

They both agree to wait for Mario and FINALLY after everything that has happened they make eye contact.

The previous times that Armando and Betty have had to wait for someone to call, or show up to the office Betty stared at Armando who would then catch her and tell her to get going or basically kicked her out of his office however this time it plays out differently.

They make eye contact for a minute or so.

While Armando is tense but staring at Betty she starts to get fidgety in her seat and says "I'll go wait in my office, Sir."

This time Betty is the one that removes herself and not Armando basically kicking her out or sending her away from him.

(I just realized I finished my cheese crackers and this makes me sad)

Armando then calls Mario to please get to his office that he can't be by himself with Betty anymore.

Now something happened with Sofia bla bla bla.

Mario shows up at Armando's office and asks if anything has happened, if she has exceeded herself with bla bla bla and Armando tells him that nothings happened.

"She talks about the banks, the payroll, about the loans, she talks about everything minus what we need to talk about." Armando (WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THE KISS WITH BETTY HE WANTS TO BE VULNERABLE WITH HER. Okay now that my irrational side has let lose let's get to the objective writer side.) displays a classic behavior of confusion and sadness.

"Which is?" Mario shrugs.

"Well what happened last night. Calderon, I don't know if this is right or wrong but I'm starting to feel really awful. I feel really uncomfortable when I'm by myself with her. The only thing she's scolded me for is this hellish hangover I've got."

Armando isn't scared that Betty is going to take advantage of him or cross lines. He feels uncomfortable because Betty won't talk about it, like it's not a big deal or important to her. He feels uncomfortable with the silence of it all and he's having to fill in the blanks.

Now Marcela and Sofia are talking about about Jasmine and Sofia getting fired.

The other day I was writing a draft for Armando's toxic behavior(I said I'd write a post dedicated to just his toxic/abusive tendencies) and hit this wall of realization. While to some degree I connect with Marcela being a victim of gaslighting, to another it's really hard to understand why she is in the relationship even though she shows no sign of insecurity or bad self-image/worth or threaten to stay. See when I was in this terrible toxic friendship I was gaslit to the point that their perception of me became mine I still remember the exact day I looked at myself in the mirror and broke down in tears calling myself ugly(I'm fine now lol) and I still remember the feelings I felt every time I was given the cold-shoulder and silent treatments as a form of punishment for calling the out on their lies while having witnesses(Now I wasn't a saint sometimes my anger would blind me and I'd say pretty mean stuff. This is why I call it a toxic friendship). To this day I feel shame for that and find ways to blame myself for it all. Gaslighting isn't just manipulation it is the warping of someone's reality and their understanding of the world surrounding them. It really messes you up.

So as much as I want to be understanding of Marcela and find excuses as to why she stays that don't have to do with her ego, I can't.

The thing is that when you are a victim of abuse you don't have an ego. You don't stay with the person because you believe they're the only person you'll ever love, no, you stay because you believe they are the only person who will ever love you and these are two very different mindsets.

In this episode you can see that. Marcela doesn't have bad self-image or self-worth. She thinks she's above the women that Armando sleeps with. She believes she's above Betty. She has a pretty big ego. She often places herself before anyone. She takes Armando's decisions as personal attacks which means she believes to be the center of his universe. All of these are characteristics of someone with a big ego. She doesn't compare herself to Armando's conquest but rather blames them for his affairs. They're the bad ones because they decided to sleep with him(yes they are to blame because they are aware of his relationship statues but so is Armando and she needs to hold that fool accountable as well) because Armando is just a fool who likes to shove it where he can, as long as they've got statues. She knows Armando has a strict palate for women and the fact the he is marrying her means she's the best of the best, even with affairs being involved.

I can go on and on about this which is why I'm dedicating a post to Marcela just about this(It's in my drafts. I need to watch the rest of the show to really understand her character. I don't just want to be like "Marcela is the only abuser" because she's not. ) Anyway this scene just reminded me of that because here she displays that boastful attitude as she tells Sofia to behave and have dignity regarding Jasmine working there and that she'll talk to Guti Guti regarding the cuartel being fired for standing with Sofia but that she'll accept Betty's resignation letter.

(Honestly watching Bertha eat Ruffles makes me crave them rn)

The ending of this episode is Marcela kissing Armando good-bye and telling him she'll wait for him at her apartment.

This wasn't a heavily emotional episode so there isn't much to breakdown however the small bits we do get move the plot forward and are details that are important to the coming episodes.

The one scene I am really looking forward to breaking down, that totally highlights this whole "Armando is in denial" plot is the one where he fights Roman and his friends.

But until then I'll see y'all next time!

#armando mendoza #don armando #armando ysblf #analysis of ysblf #betty #beatriz pinzon solano #betty pinzón solano #betty ysblf #betty la fea #yo soy betty la fea #marcela valencia #mario calderon #nicolas mora #i need to go to sleep

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