#My mental state is not but i am taking every good thing to keep going | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chuuyascumsock · 8 months

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I am NOT a Sadist (I am) || Minors DNI

Summary; Sorry, not sorry. I love when there’s hurt feelings with emotional make-up sex :)

Tags; Chuuya Nakahara/Reader, Afab reader, Angst, Mentions Of Depression, Hurt/Comfort, I Totally Projected My Poor Communication Skills Onto The MC, Also Self Sabotaging, But She Gets Better I Swear, I Project A Lot Actually Lmao, Sounds Kind Of Like An Unhealthy Relationship At First But They Fix It, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, They Do Hurt Each Other’s Feelings A Little, Obviously There’s Crying, Pet Names (Baby, Doll, Sweetheart, Sweet Girl, etc.), Mention Of Phone Sex, Handjob, Fingering, Emotional Sex, Make-Up Sex, Creampie, Lowkey Breeding Kink If You Squint, Actually Pretty Vanilla For Once, Pussy Is Chuuya’s Therapy, Classic Missionary, Missionary Accomplished, Why Does No One Talk About Chuuya Going On His Overseas Trips And Leaving His S/O For Months At A Time, I Feel Like It’s Such A Good Angst Idea, My Longest Oneshot Yet Btw At A 5k Wordcount.

The honeymoon phase of your relationship with Chuuya ended quicker than you had anticipated. It felt like a slap in the face in all honesty, unexpecting of what you were really getting into as a normal civilian. Being married to an executive of the port mafia had its many upsides, yet no one really seemed to talk about the downsides and struggles of the mental toll that weighed on your conscience that came with the title as Chuuya’s wife.

Chuuya had always been there when you needed him, and you were grateful that even with his rough exterior and conflict with opening up emotionally he could empathize with your varying issues and emotional outbursts. You tried not to be emotionally high maintenance for the sake of Chuuya already having so much on his plate, and things had seemed to be going well for the time being.

Until he went away for his first overseas trip during your marriage.

It was normal for Chuuya to take overseas trips while you were dating, some lasting a few days to a few weeks at most and during those times you often texted him throughout the day about how much you missed him before calling later on when he was lying exhausted in a hotel room to talk about how both of your days had gone. Of course, it had often led to phone sex, ending with the camera angled against a pillow while your fingers worked in and out of your neglected, needy pussy– your face buried into his pillow and smothering your senses with what was left of his presence in your apartment. And Chuuya would stroke his throbbing length at the sight with languid motions, thumb swiping over his leaking tip as he murmured through the speaker about how he wished he could be there to feel you split open on his cock and fill you up with his cum. And every time he came back from his trips, your relationship seemingly grew stronger from the distance, spending all his free time with you whenever he got the chance.

And then Mori sent him away on a half year mission to Europe and everything seemed to go to shit.

It was different when you had been dating as it was for a few days to some weeks at most, but a six-month excursion made your throat clench and your heart ache with saudade. You tried to keep a positive mindset, yet it was harder as each day had passed and Chuuya grew too tired from the days’ events to even call anymore. Messages on his side grew shorter and dull by the end of the third month, only sending a small good morning and good night text with the occasional ‘I love you’.

Instead of bringing it up or attempting to fix it, you felt a sense of hopelessness and withdrew from him as well, not wanting to burden him with your spamming messages or feelings that could hinder him while dealing with an important mission. You spent the next three months stewing in a depressive state, loneliness eating away at you as you went day to day going to your job and coming back to an empty apartment. You stopped going out with your friends, stopped bothering to take care of yourself– completely ruining your sleeping and eating schedule in the process– leaving you with dark bags under your eyes and slightly paler looking complexion. You had grown so comfortable in Chuuya’s love and had no idea how to handle the situation you were in, fearing of saying something that would upset him.

When Chuuya had come back, he hadn’t noticed the change in your behavior– too tired himself to see the toll his absence had taken on you. But to you, your straining relationship was apparent, and it only fueled your depression as Chuuya spent less time with you when he got back home than he used to when you were dating. He was either working on other missions given by Mori within the area or spent his free time sleeping. You barely felt as if you were married anymore, your relationship seeming more like roommates who rarely ever interacted every passing day.

Your deteriorating mental health was beginning to wear your mind and patience thin, leading to a series of outbursts and fights between the two of you. You’d snap at him with an antagonizing start, and he’d finish with a frustrating end, either leaving to cool off or going to sleep on the couch. You could tell it was getting to him because he confronted you one day after he had mentioned that Mori was thinking about sending him on another grueling months-long overseas mission in America and you gave him the cold shoulder, closing yourself off from him.

“What the hell has been your problem lately, huh? You’ve been acting shitty for the last few weeks and it’s really starting to get on my nerves,” He gripes, crossing his arms over his chest defensively as he leans against the kitchen counter.

“I don’t have a problem, you’re the one starting things,” You tiredly glare at the words in your novel, wanting to read and forget everything falling apart around you, but it’s hard when Chuuya persists.

Chuuya scoffs, “Bullshit, you have this nasty attitude and it's been bothering the hell out of me– so what the hell is your problem?” He repeats, his eyes burning holes into the side of your apathetic expression from across the room.

“Good thing you won’t have to deal with it for long, huh?” You respond flatly, avoiding his question once again. You and Chuuya have always had an issue with things like this due to him being blunt when he was upset about something while you tended to dance around it and drawl the problem on longer than it had to be than if you were to talk about your problems from the start.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” His jaw sets, teeth clenching behind his scowl, “You know it annoys the hell out of me when you say cryptic shit like that— answer my question.” Chuuya’s temper was something no one enjoyed testing and you once feared setting him off, but now you couldn’t find it in you to care whether he blew up on you or not.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your next mission?” You’re metaphorically poking more than just a bear at this point; this is an entire fucking lion you’re sticking your hand into the mouth of– waiting for it to rip you apart.

Chuuya’s steps are heavy as he approaches you with a stern glare, “I’m not leaving until you tell me, I’m tired of these games, [name].”

His words make you snort bitterly as you mock, “Yeah, okay– like you’re not just Mori’s lapdog– at his every beck and call.” You know he’d leave the minute Mori sent a text or called asking where he was.

Chuuya’s face contorts in mild surprise and slight hurt at your words, not expecting you to stoop so low as to refer to him as a lapdog for Mori. “I really don’t know why the fuck you’re acting like this, but it’s seriously pissin’ me off. Can you just tell me what I supposedly did wrong to make you treat me like this? Because last time I checked, I didn’t fuckin’ do anything,” His statement was ironic in the sense that him not doing anything was the problem.

Your nostrils flare with a deep exhale in spiteful amusement, though nothing was amusing about it, because you knew you were going to regret everything you said after the fight was over.

“Of course, you didn’t,” There’s clear sarcasm in your tone, your hands now messing with the pages of your novel mindlessly.

“Why won’t you just talk to me!? I can’t read your mind– how can I fix a problem when you won’t tell me what I did wrong?” He starts to raise his voice in frustration. You can see his fists clenching from the corners of your eyes.

You only remove yourself further emotionally by shutting down completely. It was common for you to go completely non-verbal in any argument, the stress of the conflict physically affecting you in ways that kept you from speaking– like your throat tightening and tongue growing heavy in your mouth. This was another issue between you and Chuuya as he was the type to raise his voice whilst arguing to make himself and his feelings known, the complete opposite of yourself.

An inkling of doubt buries in your chest as you begin to think that maybe you’re not as compatible with Chuuya as you thought you were.

Chuuya notices your silence and he feels his impatience growing, his foot starting to tap against the floor with agitation as his hands fall to rest on his hips, “God dammit, [name], can you just tell me? I’m not in the mood to play detective and try to figure out why you’re playing your fucking games, I have shit to do.”

You find it in you to respond, though it’s weak and filled with animosity, “You always have shit to do.”

An exasperated sigh leaves Chuuya as he stands in front of you, “Is that what this is about? Because I have work? A job? Believe it or not, the mafia isn’t as lenient as to give me a day off, sweetheart,” He says sarcastically, throwing his hands up for emphasis. “Sorry that I have to serve an organization that will literally have my head if god forbid, I even thought about leaving!”

“You don’t even spend time with me anymore when you do have time off,” You rasp, your eyes set on the crumbling pages underneath your fingertips.

“I’m exhausted because I’m constantly working my ass off! Sorry that I can’t do fuck whatever and whenever like you can! Unlike you, I actually work for the things I want instead of sitting around and waiting for it to just fall into my lap!” Your brows furrow at his words, knowing it’s utter bullshit. But it still gets under your skin.

You could easily quit your job and live off of the makings of what Chuuya has— he’s even offered the idea before— but you wanted to keep a sense of independence and to continue to be productive instead of a burden that burns cash. Your conclusion is that it was to get back at your lapdog comment.

“And you know what? You have nothing to fuckin’ complain about because you get everything you want. Are you just bored? Is that why you’re starting shit? Or is it those friends of yours filling your head with bullshit?” He leans over to your eye level, his hands resting above his knees for support with a firm stare into the side of your face as you refuse to make eye contact with him.

You were over this. All of it. You were tired of the tension, the fighting, feeling the way you were.

Which led the next words to slip out from your mouth without a second thought, “I want a break.”

Chuuya’s scowl quickly shifted to a look of pure bewilderment, to immense hurt and slight panic, then to anger, “A break? You can’t just take a break whenever something doesn’t go your way, that’s not how this works.”

“I don’t care, I want a break,” It’s getting difficult to talk again as you feel your eyes begin to water.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that,” He demands, almost hesitantly.

It takes minutes for you to finally look into his piercing gray eyes without crying and repeat your words, “I want a break.”

His body straightens and he brings a hand to rub at his eyes, his other hand on his hip. He seems disappointed and a whole lot of other emotions, but mostly frustrated at this whole ordeal. There’s a deafening silence before he drags his hand down his face and lets it fall to his side, “You want a break? Fine, I’ll tell Mori I’m going on the mission then and be gone by tomorrow morning— you’ll get your break.” He then storms off to finish getting ready for work, leaving you to sit alone on the couch, regretting everything that just happened.

And even when you still have the chance to stop him from walking out the door and just talk to him, you don’t. Instead, you stare down at the ring on your finger numbly, listening to his heavy footfalls as they move towards the front door and then the slamming that follows when he leaves.

You soon break down crying after, feeling as if you’ve lost everything. You know you could easily fix it with a simple text of wanting to talk things out, but the self-sabotaging nature in you refused to move a muscle. You cry for hours until your body grows exhausted, and you fall asleep on the couch in a tangled mess of some throw blankets and decorative pillows.

Hours later, Chuuya enters your shared apartment quietly, taking his hat off as he runs a hand through his hair. He’s tired just as much as you are with how things are going in your relationship, and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s lost and trying so desperately to figure out how to fix it, but he can’t when you won’t tell him what the problem is. He knows you struggle deep down with telling others about how you feel, and it makes him feel hopeless at times when you won’t even tell him how you feel.

His eyes trail over the living room before they fall on you and the blankets your body is buried under, your sleeping face peeking through. Chuuya takes light steps over to the couch before crouching in front of you and taking off one of his gloves, his hand slowly reaching out to move a few baby hairs away from your face. His eyes soften when he rubs away the tear stains on your cheeks with his thumb.

There’s a small ache in his chest from the events and words exchanged earlier, feeling a growing tightness in his throat. He didn’t mean it when he said those things and he knows you didn’t mean what you said. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt any less.

He begins to feel guilt weighing on his consciousness. He replays all your expressions and words in his mind and starts to think about your reaction to the whole reason the fight started in the first place. It takes a few moments of him silently sitting next to the couch and caressing your face mindlessly until he finally realizes what’s been wrong the whole time.

When you wake up hours later, you’re no longer on the couch, but placed comfortably in your bed. You rub the crust from your eyes and feel a heavy weight in your chest like a bag of stones when the spot next to you is void of Chuuya. ‘He actually left,’ You thought, but you knew you had no one to blame but yourself— even if you had hoped that he would stay. Now fully awake, you slip out of bed sluggishly and shuffle out your bedroom.

A faint voice from the living room catches your attention and you notice that it’s the TV. There’s a small spark of hope that flickers in your stomach as you slowly creep into the living room. Relief settles in your heart to see the back of Chuuya’s head peeking from the couch. You make your way around the couch timidly until you’re in Chuuya’s sights. He stares tiredly at the TV before he sees you move into his view from the corner of his eye and looks over to you.

“I… thought you were going to go on the mission…” You whisper, anxiously twisting and fidgeting with the end of your oversized shirt that slightly hangs off your shoulders.

“I had Mori get someone else to do it,” Chuuya responds quietly, his eyes traveling your figure from top to bottom before propping an arm on the backrest of the couch as a silent invitation for you to sit next to him.

As soon as you sit next to him, his arm shifts until his callous hand rests on the nape of your neck, rubbing at your skin in a soothing manner. He pulls you into his side after a few moments and turns his face slightly to press a soft kiss against your hairline.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around,” He starts off, sincere in each word as he continues, “Why didn’t you say anything?” It sounds almost rhetorical because you know he knows why on a surface level, but he doesn’t know why.

You’re silent for a bit before hesitantly answering, “I didn’t want to stress you out by making you feel like you had to constantly tend to me.”

“You’re my wife, not a burden. No matter how stressed out I am, I don’t want you to ever think that you can’t come to me with your feelings or just to bother me. I know I was gone for a long time, and I shouldn’t’ve become as distant as I had, but–” He sighs out in exasperation, “–Baby, you’ve gotta communicate with me. I don’t wanna fight like this and worry about our marriage. I want us to work out– I need us to work out because…” Chuuya trails off before moving his body to turn towards you and tilt your chin up with his other hand to look you in the eyes.

“I need you, [name]. You’re my person. Okay?”

Your chest throbs and aches at his words as his slate gray eyes flicker over your face and then meet your now watering eyes, “You’re my person too, Chuuya. I’m sorry…” You croak out through quivering lips and break down into tears, leaning forward to bury your face into his chest. “M’sorry– didn’t mean anything I said last night– won’t do it again,” You stumble over your words through muffled sobs.

Chuuya moves his hand from your chin to hold the back of your head, pressing you into his chest as he kisses the top of your head, “I know you didn’t, sweetheart. I didn’t mean what I said either. You know I love you, right?”

You nod, your small sobs and hiccups muted by his loose tank top as you hug your arms around his torso to pull him to you as close as possible, “I love you too…”

He pulls you back reluctantly from your embrace and cups your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumbs, “I promise that I’ll make an effort to be a better husband, I don’t want you to feel like that ever again. I shouldn’t have neglected you like that and made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me. That’s the last thing that I want.”

“I’m gonna do better too, promise,” You sniffle, trying to hold back from anymore tears falling down your face, “Wanna be better for you.”

“I wanna be better for you too, doll,” He murmurs before his face grows closer to yours to place a soft, innocent kiss against your lips.

Your hands come to clasp over his own that cup your face and your eyes lull into his fond gaze, “I missed you,” You whisper with longing.

“I missed you too, baby. It killed me not being able to wake up next to you every morning n’see your pretty face,” He exhales gently, kissing you again.

Your heart stutters at his words and you reciprocate the kiss, refusing to pull away as quickly as before. When your lashes flutter open, you lean your face into his touch, “I need you, Chuuya,” And it’s clear to him that it wasn’t meant in just an innocent manner.

“Yeah? Missed me that much, sweet girl?” His nose nudges against yours affectionately before capturing your lips into a sensual kiss. Feeling his lips smother against yours and the ring on his finger to remind you of his undying love and devotion to you only encourages the simmering heat in your chest and lower stomach. And when he mumbles a muffled, “C’mere,” against your lips, you’re quick to climb into his lap and thread a hand into his ginger hair. He hums in amusement at your eagerness and moves his lips to trail pecks along your jaw and down your throat, “Always were so needy f’me and I fuckin’ love it– love everything about you, doll.” He groans under his breath, hands heavily groping at any part of your plush body to keep you against him.

“Only for you, it’s always been you,” You breathe out with a shaky exhale and Chuuya is unable to hide the small whimper that escapes the back of his throat.

“Fuck, it’s always been you too, doll. I love you so much it hurts,” He pulls you back down into a desperate and hungry open-mouthed kiss, his tongue seeking out until his muscle is entangling with yours.

Your face flushes with warmth as you mold your lips against his feverishly, head tilting to deepen the kiss until you’re both panting for air into each other’s mouths, “Please…” You plead, squirming in his lap.

“I know, babydoll, I feel it too,” Chuuya groans quietly, feeling your thinly clothed pussy skim over the bulge in his gym shorts. “Wanna take this slow though, need to feel all of you, okay?” His hands cup the bottom of your thighs as he moves off the couch to stand up, your lips not parting for even a second as he makes his way to your bedroom and over to the bed. When his shins bump against the bottom frame of the bed, he leans over to lay you down on the mattress gently, lips leaving yours to move back down the expanse of your neck. You shiver, fingers messily tangling into his locks of hair whilst your other hand finds its way in between your bodies to run your hand over his erection. “F-Fuck,” Chuuya breathes out against the skin of your throat, hips jerking forward into your touch. “God, it’s been so long, I almost came,” He admits with embarrassment before latching onto a small patch of your skin to suckle at, pressing kisses to the spot occasionally.

“Baby, please— wanna touch you so bad,” Was all you had to whine before he slips his baggy gym shorts off to reveal his stiff, throbbing cock. Your hand wraps around him, thumb pressing to his leaking slit to swipe at the precum dribbling out to spread it along his length with a few pumps of your hand. There’s a quiet “schlick” each time your wrist flicks to draw your hand back up to his angry mushroom tip before moving back down to the base of his shaft.

Chuuya is unashamed when he lets out airy moans against your neck that’s now littered with his love marks, “Shit, you’re s’fuckin’ good, baby— just like that.” His right hand finds its way under your large shirt to grab at your underwear and pull at it until it tears off you.

“Chuuya,” You whine in complaint, watching him toss the now torn fabric onto the floor, “I liked those.”

“S’okay, I’ll get you more, sweetheart, promise,” His teeth dig into his bottom lip as he slips his middle and ring finger through your folds to spread your glistening sex open. “Look at how fucking wet you are, you like jerkin’ me off that much, pretty girl?” He groans, eyes glued to your hole clenching around nothing.

You bury your face into the crook of his neck timidly as your hand pumping around his cock falters slightly from the way he talks, “C-Chuuya…”

Chuuya chuckles before softly moaning into the side of your head, face nuzzling affectionately into your hair, “C’mon, doll, don’t be shy, look at how your sweet little cunt takes my fingers.”

Flustered, you peek from his neck to watch his digits dip into your arousal, dragging them up to circle over your clit a few times and then slipping down to sink into your pulsing walls. Whilst his fingers weren’t considered long, they have you twitching from pleasure with how thick they are. “Feels good,” You slur out as your hand squeezes around the base of his cock.

“Yeah? You love it when I stretch this pussy out with my fat fingers, huh?” He sucks in a short breath as he tries not to come right then and there in your hand as he fingers his digits in and out of your squelching pussy. “My sweet girl likes having her hole stuffed by her husband, hm,” His fingers work faster in and out of your cunt as he angles his thumb to draw rough circles into your needy clit.

Your grip and stroking around his length only continues to falter as your thighs spasm softly, “M’gonna come— fuck— Chuu, noo, no, no…” You squirm, your other hand tugs his hair.

“What’s wrong, doll?” Chuuya’s fingers slow to a stop, causing you to whimper from the ebbing buildup of your orgasm. He’s the same as you when he feels your hand come to a stop around his shaft.

“Wanna come on your cock,” You mumble into him, “Want you to fill me up with your cum.”

Chuuya feels his heart thrum in his throat wildly as he hears you speak before making quick work of your shirt and his tank top until you're both as bare as you were when you were brought into the world. “Yeah? Need me to fill your cute pussy up until my cum is spilling outta ya?” He hovers over you between your spread thighs as he hooks your legs over his hips.

“Just wanna feel you close to me,” You admit with a sweet and quiet voice, your legs drawing him in until his throbbing cock is rubbing between your pussy lips with his tip nudging at your puffy clit.

His eyes widen barely before softening, his movements becoming less erratic and eager as he leans down to place a gentle kiss against your lips. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head, doll, m’gonna take care of ya like I always do.” He whispers, his right hand moving to guide the tip of his cock against the entrance of your core. Much like his fingers, his thick length bullies into your warm pussy slowly, stretching and splitting you open on his cock. “Fuuuuck, baby, you take me so well. Can’t get enough of seeing you stretch open on me.”

Your legs tighten around him as you feel his hips press against yours until his balls are flush with your ass, “You’re s’big— it hurts every time, but it hurts good,” A small whimper leaves you as your hands grip at the bedsheets.

When Chuuya pulls away, he watches his cock twitch from the loss of warmth your tight hole provided before seeing it stretch you back open to fill you. “God, I’ll never get over you,” He hisses through his teeth, pistoning his cock in and out of you at an agonizing pace, “Your pussy was made for me.”

Chuuya’s gaze isn’t on where your bodies connect for long before he’s back to hovering over you, pinning your hands above your head. They’re placed palm up on top of one another before being locked in place with his left hand interlocking your fingers. The action makes your heart tighten with affection as well as your fingers when you squeeze his hand. The subtle noise of metal clinking from your wedding bands only makes your heart swell with pure unadulterated love for him further. Your eyes start to water again from the overwhelming emotions and love you feel for him.

He squeezes your hand back in comfort, eyes studying your teary face, “You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that, doll?” He says out of nowhere, “M’so lucky to have you.”

You clench around him as you stare back through blurry eyes back into his focused ones, moaning from the way his tip kisses at your g-spot with each thrust. “Mm— Lucky to have you too— you’re so good to me, Chuu,” You mewl out, feeling your stomach twist and coil with intensity.

“Want you to come for me, please, baby— wanna make you come,” Chuuya’s words grow more pitchy and airier as he reaches his right hand down to rub at your throbbing clit with vigor.

“A-Ah, fuck—“ Your body arches, hips erratically bucking into his, “C-Coming..! Shit, s’too much.” You sob, tears slipping down your temples and into the mattress. Your cries are soon silenced by Chuuya’s lips swallowing your noises in a passionate, yet sloppy kiss. You muffle incoherently against his lips, but he knows it’s a repeated line of I love you’s as your nails dig into the back of his hand and you cream around his length.

As your walls spasm around his twitching cock, a guttural groan leaves his throat and he spills his hot, viscous cum deep into your starving pussy until it’s leaking out of your tight hole and down his balls. “Atta girl…” He murmurs through pants, kissing your sweaty forehead lovingly.

“I love you,” You repeat gently one last time as you both relish in the softness of your afterglow.

“I love you too,” Chuuya sighs with a ghost of a smile on his face as he admires you underneath him, hand coming down from your hands to wipe away your stray tears, “Promise me you won’t go anywhere, doll? Cause I’ve still got years of loving you left to go.”

#chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #chuuya smut #chuuya nakahara smut #bsd x reader #bsd smut #devious dambi smuts

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prettieinpink · 5 months

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5K SPECIAL | CREATING YOUR OWN GARDEN𝜗𝜚

This is a guide to make your mind like your own garden flourishing with plants, flowers and butterflies. Having a good mental mindset, and being in the right state of mind is essential to being the best version of yourself.

This guide is divided into four sections: mindset, self-care, mental wellness and emotional intelligence. I hope you can take away something useful and take care of yourself! 💖

MINDSET

Your mindset can easily determine how you go through life. It influences how you feel, act, behave and your thoughts. When you have a poor mindset, it is going to be difficult to go through life, even if your life is easy.

However, once we grow and improve our minds, it is easier for us to navigate life, improve our well-being and increase our chances of success.

Before we get into mindset shifts, I want to explain how exactly you can implement them in your life. I feel like there’s so much talk about mindset, but no one exactly explains on how to implement them.

IMPLEMENTING

The first thing to implementing mindset shifts is making a conscious effort to be aware of your thoughts. If you want, practice mindful activities to improve your self-awareness of your thoughts.

You have to be able to catch a thought in its passing and whoosh it away from your mind. If you don’t whoosh it away, those simple thoughts build each time which can soon turn into the way you think.

Secondly, after increasing your awareness, identify what exactly about your thoughts or mindset you’d like to shift, and what you would like to shift to.

Thirdly, is to completely immerse yourself in that mindset shift. The mind learns through repetition, meaning that repeating it enough will make your mind learn it.

Set your mindset shift as your weekly intention, say affirmations, and prayer, read books on it, put a quote on your phone as your wallpaper, just make it so that mindset shift is constantly on your mind.

Lastly, do small actionable things that reinforce that mindset shift. I recommend you do at least one habit every day for this.

This is not the only method to implement mindset shifts, but for me, it’s the one that is highly effective. I recommend doing some research on your own, and making adjustments when needed depending on how you think.

MINDSET SHIFTS

This whole part we’ll talk about the mindset shifts I think everyone should at least try to implement in their lives if they want to improve themselves. These mindset shifts are my absolute favourites and they improved the quality of my life.

After each one, I’ll state a small habit you can incorporate that contributes to that shift.

Live your life with your highest self in mind.

This is more intentional living than an actual mindset shift, but still as important. Whatever you do throughout the day, consider if it aligns with your highest self. If not? Release it. Your highest self knows what's best for you, trust them.

At the end of the day, reflect on your daily habits, which include all habits you did today whether they were ideal or not. What habits aligned with your highest self and which didn’t? The ones that didn’t, why? How can you change or remove this habit to get closer to your highest self?

Rejection is just redirection.

As someone who has gotten rejected from the things that they wanted and felt so lost in the pursuit of fulfilment, this mindset shift saved me. You have to stop chasing the things that aren’t meant for you if life has proved it isn’t.

While I’m not saying give up after the first try, but try to step back and assess the situation. If you are qualified and ready for this thing, then why is it still not yours? Because it isn’t meant for you. God is trying to nudge you into a different path, recognise his signs.

To handle rejection better, look for the lesson(s) you’ve learnt, and the skills you grew and see if there is another area of life that you can apply them to.

Keep yourself on a pedestal.

I am worthy so much to me. It sounds like a weird sentence, but you should start treating yourself like a treasure and avoid giving out that same treatment to most people because you have your soul, which homes itself in your body. Every day, you are living through this soul and body.

So, why would you take care of someone else’s soul and body? You are never going to be the soul that lives in their body, or the body which homes their soul. Don’t neglect yourself in the priority of someone else.

Practice setting boundaries with others and recognising when someone wants more than what you’re willing.

You choose the life that you want.

You have choices and options every day to do things that will eventually have an outcome. Whether this outcome supports the vision of your dream life or not, all depends on how you choose to live your life now.

I don’t have a habit with this one but keep in mind that absolutely nothing is controlling you, and your choices are of free will. Circumstances can change, but that is why we have to adapt and be flexible.

Fear is a step to success

If you’re not scared, you’re not doing it right. Fear can hold us back, but that is why we have to twist fear into a source of motivation instead. If we were always in our comfort zone, stepping back when we feel a sliver of fear, we allow fear to dictate our life and its course.

You can’t be successful unless you do the uncomfortable. For this one, do something each day that scares you or makes you uncomfortable. It doesn’t have to be anything extreme, but simple things like exercising longer than usual or talking to someone who you wouldn’t imagine yourself with. Those little risks are so important.

Embarrassment is not a real emotion

This one is a bit controversial, but I do not believe in the concept of embarrassment. Yes, things can sometimes be awkward, but it is fully in your control if you want to feel ashamed or not. Being embarrassed only holds you back, and doesn’t allow you to live life to its fullest.

I would recommend doing a small risk every day as well, but of things that would usually feel awkward.

Progress over perfection/completion

Perfectionism which is allowed to be nurtured over time can create an avoidance mindset towards doing harder things in life. While we should strive for excellence in everything we do, we shouldn’t allow it to consume us.

(the avoidance mindset is when we put off/avoid tasks that we believe to be out of our abilities, and so that completion of the task is poor quality/not done well.)

This one is less common, but I know a few people who would not do a task if they knew it would not be fully completed in their desired time frame. However, each minute of work contributes to the results or completion of something.

Every day, do one thing that will add up to the completion of your long-term goals.

To welcome tomorrow, you have to let go of yesterday.

Living in the past makes us neglect our present self. I’m not saying forget everything that’s happened, but never allow the past to consume your mind. Acknowledge that you’ve been hurt, you’re longing or you were happier. Then, release it.

Journaling is the perfect way to stay in touch with the present. You can type it, write it, vlog, draw, or compose to journal.

Everyone has their beauty.

This one helped me a lot with comparison. I saw beauty, not as a measure or a value of someone, but rather something that everyone has uniquely and it cannot be valued. I have my sense of beauty, and you have your beauty as well. We are two different people with unique features, traits and qualities, so our ‘beauty’ can’t be measured against each other.

Define your beauty. You could be smart, feminine, book beauty or dark, flowers, creative beauty. You add your details to your beauty and never try to define someone else's.

To conclude this section, your mindset is very powerful. To achieve your goals, work on your mindset. Also, don’t try to work on more than one mindset shift at a time. Implement one fully then work on the next one. It could be overwhelming if you’re doing more than one.

SELF-CARE

The next chapter of this guide is about self-care. Self-care is important for maintaining balance in our lives and generally keeping ourselves happy. However, most people don’t understand the concept of self-care, so they just end up doing a bunch of random things and wondering why they don’t feel better.

Yes, you can coddle or pamper yourself when you want, but it is not self-care. While activities from these three things do overlap, do not confuse the terms with each other.

Self-care is simply what it says. Taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself looks different for everyone. My idea of self-care will be different to yours.

REDEFINING SELF-CARE.

When you imagine what self-care looks like, it’s typically someone else’s definition of self-care which has been reinforced in your mind. You have to redefine your idea of self-care to match your goals, energy levels and circumstances.

Before you do, self-care is not always about taking a break. It seems that way, however, self-care can also be having the discipline to do the things that you don’t want to, but are good for you.

Here are some questions to help you redefine your self-care:

What does self-care mean to you? Does that meaning align with your current values and needs?

Do you have any negative associations or misconceptions of self-care? Why?

How do I feel in all areas of my life? (physically, mentally, spiritually, professionally). What areas need more attention and how can I improve that area(s)?

What activities bring me happiness, fulfilment and a sense of renewal?

What tasks do I have to do, which are good for me but I hesitate in completing that task?

How would I like to feel after complementing my self-care rituals?

Envision your life if it had complete balance and self-care incorporated. What habits would you be doing to support that vision?

My idea of self-care is completing all of my non-negotiables, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, taking somewhat productive breaks and talking to others daily.

THE SEVEN PILLARS OF SELF-CARE

Self-care has seven pillars, which you all need to take care of to have a balanced life. However, balanced self-care does not mean equal attention to each pillar. It means that each one is up to the same standard of self-care you’ve put for yourself. So, you need to allocate your attention appropriately.

MAJOR PILLARS

Physical - The well-being of your body.

Mental - The state of your mental health, mind and emotions.

Spiritual - The strengthening of your relationship with God while nourishing your holy spirit.

Personal - Doing things that bring you enjoyment and fulfilment + embracing your identity.

MINOR PILLARS

Social - Connecting with friends, family or even strangers.

Professional - Your work/school life.

Environment - Keeping your space clean and extracting anything that holds you back.

Major and minor do not add or take away the value each category has, it just means that major pillars may need more attention compared to the minor ones which may need less attention. Of course, you may need to focus more on a minor pillar, as self-care is individual to you.

I would’ve added a list of things that you could do for each category, but I want you to think about what you need for each instead of relying on strangers with different lives for self-care.

Maybe you need to focus on exercising and doing your hobbies more. Or you need to create a better work/life balance for yourself. It all depends on your values, needs and circumstances.

MENTAL WELLNESS

Mental wellness is the state of our cognitive, emotional and psychological functioning. When we are mentally well, we can cope better with challenges, develop a habit of having positive thoughts, and greater happiness and improve most areas of our lives overall.

There are a lot of things that contribute to our mental wellness, and I most likely won’t have everything here. Just a little disclaimer as well, it is completely normal to have a fluctuating mental state especially when we are going through unfavourable change.

DIGITAL MINDFULNESS

Social media is a huge part of our lives but is also the main factor of mental destruction. I’m not going to say delete all of your social media, but I want to introduce to you a few ways to mindfully consume and rules with managing screen time.

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION

To consume content mindfully, go onto apps intentionally and know what your purpose is when using that app. For example, if you want to find new habits that you can do, you could search on Tumblr or if you want a quick break from something stressful you can watch an episode of something on Netflix.

It doesn’t matter what the purpose exactly is, but the action of being intentional.

After you consume what you want, download images, and screenshots, and take notes or any documentation of what you found/learnt. This is more so the information is remembered/used.

Manage your notifications. You do not need notifications from every app. Except for messages and phones, I do not put notifications on my device. I believe that if something is important enough, I’ll remember to check my phone later without the help of a notification.

Only consume quality content. It is so easy to consume content that has obviously been reposted or is blatantly spreading misinformation. Only consume from people who you trust and you’ve followed/subscribed to. While yes, you can explore but be very mindful when doing so.

You should be decluttering, organising and deleting on your devices routinely. This reduces the amount of distractions on your phone and makes it more intentional. Only keep the things that align with your needs, values and goals.

DIGITAL BOUNDARIES

Have rooms or zones in the house in which you’re not allowed to use any devices or the devices you choose. For example, the bed, bathroom, office, when you’re eating at the dining table, etc.

An alternative is having a period of a day when device usage is not allowed. It could be right after you wake up, right before you go to sleep or just in the middle of the day. Either, I recommend you have a time or place in which device usage is not allowed.

While I encourage everyone to keep up with socialising with their loved ones and friends, I don’t support dropping everything just to talk to someone. E.g If somebody wants to text while you’re in the middle of a study sesh, just say you’ll talk later.

MANAGING STRESS

Stress is an unwelcome yet common feeling we all have. No matter what’s on your plate, we tend to stress a lot, especially in a society that is going so fast and makes us feel like we’re falling behind.

To manage stress, you need to be self-aware of when you feel stressed. A lot of people actually can’t recognise when they feel stressed, and I am one of those people. Instead, I rely on mental or physical signs that tell me I’m feeling stressed out.

SIGNS OF STRESS

Unusual lack of motivation or discipline

Feeling tired constantly even if haven’t done anything exhausting

Inconvenience impacts you more

Overthinking about small things

Trouble with sleeping

Low appetite

Focusing is harder

Crying or feeling tearful over small things

This is not the complete list of symptoms, but these are the things I feel/do when I feel stressed. Stress will look different for everyone, so you need to be able to create your own list of signs when you feel stressed.

CREATING A STRESS MANAGEMENT PLAN

Creating a plan helps you to be prepared to effectively address and cope with stress. It allows you to be more productive and improves mental health when you use this plan when needed.

Here are a few steps to creating your own!

Identify stress triggers. What do you dread the most? What makes you feel drained? What do you overthink about? Answer these questions to figure out what triggers your stress.

Assess your coping strategies. Notice if you have any ways of coping that are self-destructive, as this only contributes to your stress.

Choose 1-3 activities that are fun to you and are not self-destructive. These activities do not have to be productive or beneficial, but they have to make you feel relaxed and generally feel better

Choose one relaxation technique and one self-care activity. These are up to you, as we tend to neglect self-care relaxation when we’re stressed.

Optional, but have one person who you can talk to when you’re stressed. When we are stressed, we tend to look at the smaller picture but talking to someone else helps us gain a greater perspective on the matter.

PRETTIEINPINK’S EXAMPLE PLAN

(If doing something that is my stress trigger, slot a time in the day to do my plan.)

Journal about why I’m stressed

Make a cup of strawberry and mango tea

Read a nice story while drinking tea

Guided stress meditation

Eat some fruits

Another thing when creating you plan to not restrict yourself using time. Allow yourself to take as much time as needed to alleviate yourself of stress.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Being emotionally intelligent is a skill. It is the ability to understand, process and communicate emotions effectively.

There are times when we do sometimes let our emotions take over and they dictate our actions, thoughts and words. This is why we need to build this skill, to get that control over our emotions back.

Thinking before you speak is an oldie but goodie. What we say can drastically influence the current situation for better or for worse. If you think that what you might say is rude, offensive or crude, don’t say it at all.

Also, stay quiet! I am all for standing up for yourself when being disrespected, but you need to recognise when someone is trying to rile you up... They WANT a reaction out of you. Most likely to use against you. Silently exit the situation instead.

If you are someone who gets a lot of energy from big emotions like anger, dejection, sadness, and jealousy, try to channel that energy into something that requires you to have a lot of energy and is beneficial to you. Keeping that energy in until you blow up is a no-no.

Not everyone is trying to hold you back with ill intent. People’s previous experiences can influence the advice they give to you because they have your best interest at heart. They know that their method worked, which is why they’re advising it. These types of people don’t understand that there is more than one way, but they still love you.

Avoid prolonging emotions. When you’re sad, don’t listen to depressing music. When you’re angry, don’t consume ragefuel. It’s very easy in this age of consuming to amplify therefore prolonging emotions, but it holds us back. Process it, and move on.

Stop acting on a whim. Go where your heart takes you, but reflect on it and create a plan. When you do, you end up in unfavourable circumstances. The most common one is working so hard to get to a certain point, only to realise that you don’t even like it. This is why reflection is important.

Be kind even when you’re not receiving it. Kindness is only kind when we do it out of pure love instead of personal gain. Stop expecting people to be kind to you after you’ve been kind to them. Kindness is a debt-free action.

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4dbarbie-archive · 9 months

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4dbarbie remix: You're dreaming from memory

4dkelly notes: This could be a good introductory pointer for those new to non-dualism. Probably my last remix for a while because they always start off as a fun or great idea that ends up taking way too much time and mental energy lol. Also I know it says 4dbarbie remix and it's because I extracted all the text from her posts but almost half of this adaptation post is made with direct or adapted excerpts from the book I Am That by Nisargadatta Maharaj as she often incorporated his words into her posts so it might be more accurate to call it a 4dbarbie and I Am That remix. I've marked extracts that are from the book with an asterisk (*). My highlight colour key: key concepts are in pink, action points in purple, really important points in red, my notes (which are minimal) in blue

There is nothing that exists. Only you do. 1 The only thing you know for sure is: 'here and now, I am'. Remove the 'here and now', the 'I am' remains, indisputable. The world exists in memory, memory comes into consciousness; consciousness exists in awareness and awareness is the reflection of the light on the waters of existence. 2*

The person is a very small thing. Actually it is a composite, it cannot be said to exist by itself. Unperceived, it is just not there. It is but the shadow of the mind, the sum total of memories. Pure being is reflected in the mirror of the mind, as knowing. What is known takes the shape of a person, based on memory and habit. It is but a shadow, or a projection of the knower onto the screen of the mind. 3*

You (Self) are projecting this very moment live. Nothing is happening to you, I mean literally. Nothing is out there. 4 Everything you see and experience is only a mental condition, a dream-like state, easy to dispel by questioning its reality. It's you imagining it as real and fighting it with all your might that keeps it alive. In this dream, you imagine yourself to be a process, to have a past and future, to have history. In fact, we have no history, we are not a process, we do not develop, nor decay. 5*

When you sleep at night, you think the world you're dreaming of is real. You wake up in the morning and you go on living in a different world, which you also think is real. But while you were in the first dream you had no memory of this world, did you? You come into the waking state and forget all about that dream (because you dismiss it as unreal & imagined so you have no reason to care once the experience is over). You're present in a second dream, and you deal with this one because now that's "what is real". But there is no difference between sleeping and waking, awareness is the background of both. You just think the waking state more real because you've dreamt it over and over and reinforced your belief. They're equally imaginary. 6

Each and every moment is projected on your consciousness but in reality, there is no link or cause between them. Memory gives the illusion of continuity and repetitiveness creates the idea of causality (e.g. I have blue eyes because I take after my mom). When things repeatedly happen together, we tend to see a causal link between them. It creates a mental habit, but a habit is not a necessity.* Drop it. You, now, even if recreated completely from memory and appearing the same, are still doing the creating/projecting live. It is all memory carried over into the now. You never move, your mind does. You don't arrive anywhere, you've always been there. You don't become, you already are. 1

Memory seems to being things to the present out of the past, but all that happens does happen in the present only. It is only in the now that phenomena manifest themselves. Thus, time and causality do not apply in reality. You are prior to the world, body and mind. You are the sphere in which they appear and disappear. You are the source of them all, the universal power by which the world with its bewildering diversity becomes manifest. 7*

You recreate the world every day from memory. There is no yesterday but your memory of it. There is no tomorrow but your thought of it. You are moving from now into now, and nothing has reality but in your mind. In deep sleep you are no one, no thing, you are not aware of being anything. You are just aware of being. There is no world, no one, not even 'yourself'. 8 In the absence of the mind, even the sense 'I am' dissolves. There is no 'I am' without the mind. All experience subsides with the mind. Without the mind, there can be no experiencer nor experience. 8*

Consciousness creates the mind which projects the world, built of memory and imagination.* You create a world, then you create an ego in it that is desiring some thing - look at it, you are doing that now. Stop the urge to create and recreate worlds of desires. 1 You don't have to live by memory. You can see the world as it is, a momentary appearance in consciousness. 7*

See all as a dream and stay out of it. While it lasts, the dream has temporary being. It is your own desire to hold on to it that creates the problem. Let go. Stop imagining that the dream is yours. 5*

Realize your true being, all else will follow and take care of itself. You will no longer feel the need to manifest or get things, because you see you are the one imagining the things. You already are, and if you want to observe yourself as 'something', you can. After you rid yourself of your belief that you are the ego, you no longer feel compelled in any direction whatsoever. You do not feel like you need to be the body you imagine you were born with (because you were never it in the first place), or watch Sandra's from afar. You’re free to do or not to do whatever you want; you are dreaming, and you know you are dreaming, there is nothing to fear or fight, because all is yours. The thing to do is to establish that permanently, for all time. Then you can play any part you so desire, and be totally unaffected by it. 3

Free from memory and expectation, you are fresh, innocent and wholehearted. Needing nothing, you are unafraid. Whom to be afraid of? There is no separation, we are not separate selves. There is only one Self, your Self. 1*

Become aware that the waking state is just a dream and life will forever be a breeze. 6 When the world is real, it is heavy. When the Self is real, the world is light. 3#

References

4dbarbie posts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

* Text excerpts from I Am That by Nisargadatta Maharaj

# from Keys to The Ultimate Freedom by Lester Levenson

#remix #4dbarbie #nonduality #non duality #nondualism #non dualism

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littlemochabunni · 10 months

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You’re such a nice guy, a nice guy

synopsis: Toji is just being a nice guy. Helping a girl out in her time of need while you’re at home not knowing where he’s at and what he’s doing. Let him show you just how sorry he is.

pairing: Toxic!Toji x Bratty afab!Black reader

content: 18+ mdni. pwp, Toxic relationship, little angst, petty black fem reader, mean Toji, assumed cheating (Toji is an asshole but he's a loyal asshole), use of the n-word like twice, implied multiple o’s, brat taming, cunnilingus, spanking, cerv*x touching, overstim, dumbifaction, manhandling, hair pulling, full Nelson hold, backshots, c.pie (wrap it before you tap it bby) beta read. Pet names( baby, babe, sweetheart, Princess.)

Wc: 2.7k

a/n: This is my first smut ever and thanks to @peachy-dove for encouraging me and for beta reading! And shout to @rlvsmegumi for humbling my obsession for this creature of a man because insulting him was definitely a challenge before coming to her for help😭. Banner and boarders made by yours truly. Annnd on that note please enjoy 🥹💗

support & mdni

NSFW content under cut. Again minors gtfo.

It’s 2 am when your sleep is disturbed by multiple messages from your friends sending you photos of Toji and some girl around his arm leaving the club together. “What the actual fuck is this?!” You immediately sit up, feelings of anxiety and anger flooding your nervous system as you scroll through your contacts to call Toji debating if you were going to cuss him out or play dumb to figure out where the fuck he’s at. Honestly probably the latter with the amount of fury boiling in your veins.

The never-ending ringback tone plays in your ear as you’re, once again, sent to his voicemail. You opted for calling him a fourth time whilst you decide to spam his phone with text messages, but the usual blue turn green along with a reply message stating:

Msg 2110 - The customer you are trying to text is temporarily out of service.

“This fuckin—“ you let out an irritated groan, because of course this nigga’s phone service is off! And somehow he miraculously healed from the “pink eye” he supposedly had 7 hours prior when you last spoke to him too right? Since he’s out at some fucking club!

It’s going on 3 am when your rage turns into anguish as you call his phone for the nth time. You left voicemails ranging from calm, cool, collected, and concerned girlfriend to cussing him out saying, “Oh you no good community dick ass is out tryna fuck another bitch? You're fucking appalling Toji! Keep ya’ stank ass breath and dirty ass dick away from me. Go choke on a fucking Pepsi for all I care you fuckin’ dick!” You toss the covers off your body as you get up to turn the bedroom light on and began taking every article of clothing Toji has left in your apartment. Wanting to rid your life of anything of him completely, and as you're in the middle of your mental debate between throwing his shit in the dumpster or burning it, a loud banging at your door interrupts you. Reaching for the bat in your closet, you proceed towards your front door cautiously, as you stand on your tippy toes to peek through the peephole. It's covered by the person on the other side.

Attempting to use your deepest man-like voice you call out “Who is it?” “Baby open the door it’s me.” Rolling your eyes at the sound of Toji’s now sickening nickname for you, you let out an exasperated sigh. “One ‘m not your baby and two I dunno anybody named ‘me’. Get the fuck away from my door Toji.” “Y/N let me in so we can talk I just got your messages, you’re overreacting.” Gripping the bat in hand tighter as you open the door furiously.

“Oh, I’m overreacting Toji! Are you fucking serious? You get caught lying and cheating, but I’m over-fucking-reacting!?” you shout not caring about how early in the morning it is. This asshole came all the way here and the first thing he says is you’re overreacting? “Christ y/n, quit shoutin’ before you wake the whole damn neighborhood.” Toji proceed to walk inside your apartment as if it was another regular Tuesday. Grudgingly you step aside as he walks in “What happened? She kicked you out so you decided to come here?” You express as you slam the door turning toward him.

If this was a regular Tuesday, a lot less talking would have been done if he hadn’t fucked up so tremendously.

He scoffs as he continues to your living room, manspreading comfortably on the couch “I ain’t do nothin’ with her babe, I was just bein’ a good samaritan that’s it.” Your eyes hardened feeling infuriated by his words, you stomp towards him. “A good Samaritan Toji. Seriously? That's the best excuse you can come up with for lying about having pink eye, getting caught leaving the club with another girl, and having the audacity to come here like you did nothing wrong. Did you hit your head on the way outta her place or are you just that fucking stupid?” Toji rolls his neck as he sighs nonchalantly, “Look I ain’t do nothin’. I was out drinking with some friends and I got a bit wasted. After that, this girl bought me a drink, so I decided to talk to her. She was very nice and friendly but she had no place to sleep for the night. I thought giving her the key to my hotel room, I was just doing her a favor, you know? But I promise you nothing happened between us... I was just tryna be nice.”

You step in front of him, pushing the knob of your baseball bat into his broad chest, as you chuckle dryly. “You…being nice? Are you being serious right now?? You’re an idiot, you know that? You’re telling me that you were just trying to help out a complete stranger and outta the kindness of your heart. You just gave her your room? An-and for what? For her to have a place to stay for the night or so she’d end up repay you in another way? An-and what about you lyin’ to me huh? What happened to the ‘bad case of pink eye’?”

He kisses his teeth and pushes the bat away from his chest as he smirk at you leaning in closer. “Was just dry eye babe, my bad for gettin’ the two confused.” You push the bat back to his chest pushing him back against the couch, you grit through your teeth, “You're just a lying bastard. This whole time we've been together, every time you went out with your friends, I never even questioned it because I trusted you. Now, I catch you lying and you get caught red-handed by my girlfriends. And you know what's worse? You think I'm dumb enough to believe your stupid ass explanations. Well, I'm not! I deserve better than this. I deserve someone better than a lying ass, cheating piece of...”

Toji grabs the bat out of your hand standing over you feeling fed up with your bratty attitude as he speaks intermediately low, “I ain’t cheat on you, so cut that shit out or imma do it for you. Now you know better than to go around makin’ empty threats like that…” He smirks and caresses your hip teasingly, “Just lemme show you just how loyal I am baby.” Your eye slightly twitches as you look up at him and cross your arms over your chest. “Screw you Toji. You fuck up and you think sex is gonna make things alll better?”

“Yeah, I do.” Toji pulls you in by your waist as he leans down looking smirking smugly, “Are you saying no to me? Really?” Toji brings a hand to your neck caressing your chin with his thumb, “I know you don’t mean it, but if you’re a woman of your word…” He leans down and whispers in your ear. “Tell me no.” You squeeze your thighs together as you try to fight your crumbling resolve, and in a weak attempt of resisting you place your hand on his chest. He chuckles and speaks huskily, “Can you resist me? Can you do it?”

Inhaling sharply you turn your head away from his touch and grumble, “Fuck you Toji… You’re drunk.” Toji flashes a devilish grin as he pulls you in close by your neck, placing a small kiss on your jaw before sliding his hand to the nape of your neck. “An you’re cute when you’re mad. Actin’ out just to get some attention, it’s cute really.” He kisses your neck, letting his tongue glide along the side slowly before biting it. Stifling a moan you try pushing away from his large figure refusing to lose so easily.

The brat in you taking things to the deep end, you look up at him smirking smugly as you say, “If I wanted some attention I’d be out helping some random nigga find his way back to my place, and give him a place to sleep for the night. Y’know, just be a Good Samaritan like that.” Toji’s eyes darken and his grip around your waist tightens. “Still bein’ a brat huh? Well since I’m being so generous, let me help you find your way back to your place.” Your smile drops as the realization of how badly you just royally fucked up sets in and all you can utter is a small, “Oh shit.”

Toji swiftly picks you up tossing you over his shoulder like you’re a sack of potatoes carrying you to your bedroom. You gasp at the sudden movement you pound your fist against his muscular back, “Fuck Toji put me down, I was just joking shit!” He smacks your ass at your tantrum as your only warning, but as he approaches the disarray of your bedroom with his scattering belongings on the floor he chuckles dryly. “Well with all my shit on the floor, think you were pretty serious ‘bout that ‘lil joke.” Your very well-thought-out plan of begging for mercy goes straight out the window as he tosses you onto the bed, you let out a soft whimper once to lock eyes with his and he gives you a look only predators give their prey right before they devour them. “Nothin’ smart to say now, sweetheart?” With no turning back you decide to see how far you can push him, “Oh I have plenty to say, but I don’t think a poor creature like yourself would be able to comprehend...”

The sun kisses the horizon as Toji is slurping up your juices like it’s his last meal, his tongue flexing tight persistent circles on your swollen clit, your moans growing heavier whilst he brings you closer and closer to yet another orgasm he’s so generously given you. You grip his raven hair as you practically ride and push his face away reaching your third overwhelming orgasm of the day. “Fuuck! fucking waait T~” Toji groans deeply against your dripping cunt the vibrations send shivers up your back, and he flattens his tongue as he messily licks up your sticky release. Toji kisses up your thigh leaving soft love bites as he pulls away to stand up to remove his tight boxers that are restraining his hardened cock. “I think I’ve made you wait long enough for ya punishment, yeah?” You pant heavily as your back-to-back euphoric highs fog your brain. “T ‘m sorry… I- I learned my lesson.” As he pulls his boxers down freeing his twitching cock he shows you fake sympathy, “Aww my baby is sorry now? Tsk tsk tsk that could have probably worked earlier y’know instead of you being a fuckin’ brat.”

He grabs your ankles pulling you closer to the edge of the bed and manhandles you onto your tummy, gripping your ass whilst positioning you into a deep arch putting your glistening swollen cunt on display. Tapping his fat tip against your sensitive cunt, you jerk at the sensation moaning out soft pleas “Toji… Baby ‘m sorry okay? I didn’t me—..” He bottoms you out in one go without giving time to adjust to his massive size you moan out into the sheets as he thrusts hard and deep into your tight cunt. You moan out louder looking over your shoulder to see Toji playing and squeezing your plump ass, “Toji please pleaasee I-I I didn’t mean it!” he smirks down at you as he holds down your head to keep you from running from his thick cock hitting your sweet spot over and over. “Didn’t mean what huh? When you said I was fucking appalling? Oh fuuck— or when you said you were gonna let someone else fuck what’s mine huh? Or when you said that my dick was for everybody hmm? Which is it y/n.”

You can barely comprehend what he’s saying let alone hear his deep voice over your loud moans and the increasingly loud paps filling the room, and your fourth orgasm approaching fast. “Yes! Yes! Ah, fuuuck– ah T r-right there right there pleease!” Toji’s cock kissing your sweet spot with each of his brutal thrusts comes to a halt, and he pulls out chuckling at your cries. “Brats don’t get to make demands. Don’t mistake my generosity for forgiveness.” He teases you by rubbing his tip against your throbbing cunt, and watches you wiggle your ass trying to entice him, panting and begging as tears fall from your eyes.

“Please please pleease Toji! Please please fuck me.” Watching you cry for his cock causes something to snap inside of him… He grabs your arms locking them behind your back with one hand as he aligns his hardened cock with your swollen needy cunt, screaming as he slams his thick cock deep inside your walls. Toji covers your mouth thrusting deeper than before with an animalistic-like pace, he's practically fucking you onto his cock. “Thought I already told ya’ to quit that shoutin’ shit y/n. You wanted this shit, right? So fuckin’ take it.” You begin to drool and mumble incoherently against his hand, Toji tsk as he takes his hand away wiping your drool in your hair, pulling you up by your protective style against his chest whilst he continues to bully his slick-covered cock against your creamy walls. “Hmm? What was that? Got something to say, sweetheart?” Panting heavily you speak sultrily, “T-too m-much! Mmmm, please T! I-it’s too much! S-slow d-doown~” Toji groans as your cunt tightens and flutters around him and he lets go of your arms to reach down to your puffy clit, rubbing tight circles as he brings you undeniable pleasure.

“Why should I hmm? Did you slow down to fuckin’ think about what you said?” “T!! Waaaait ‘m sorry!” You shut your eyes tightly tears running down your face as your peek builds back up again faster and faster, you reach your hand back against his lower abdomen in a weak attempt to slow down his pace, crying as you moan out strenuously “Tojiii! I-I— oh fuuck please waait wait wa—” before you can plea anymore all it takes is a few more thrusts and you’re trembling uncontrollably as your release is gushing all over his lower abdomen and down the side of your covers onto the floor. Toji groans deeply and his begins to falter as he watches you squirt all over his cock. “Shiiiit Princess you like that? Fuckin’ take this shit.” He locks his arms under yours, putting you in a full nelson hold pounding into you poor cunt unforgivably as he chases his release. All thoughts and sounds leave you speechless as your tongue kills out and you drool down your chin whilst he fucks you through another unexpected high to reach his and the lewd expression on your face only drives him insane, “Fuucking good girl— oh fuck Princess.” His brows furrow while a small ‘o’ forms on his lip as watching you fucked out on his cock sends him over the edge. He groans out as he stuffs your cunt full of his thick cum, “Oh shiit y/n, fucking take that shit.” You babble and whine out in response unable to form coherent sentences “So full T— stuffed soo stuffed.”

Once he catches his breath he slowly lays you back down on the bed and pulls out causing you to hiss and whine at the lost contact. “Tojiii, put it baack.” He chuckles as he kisses your head and smacks your ass once he pulls away, “Shh, you’re tapped out. You can get some more later if you behave.” he walks to the bathroom to grab a wet rag and a towel for the bed, he comes back to clean you up, moving you over to the other side of the bed then places the towel under the large wet spot. He climbs into the bed laying you on his broad chest. After a short comfortable silence you pout softly and mumbles, “ ‘m sorry Toji.” You hear a deep rumble in your ear and Toji gently lifts your chin as he smiles smugly. “Aw sweetheart I don't want an apology,” He gently caresses your cheek as you smile sweetly at him.

“But what I do want is for you to go clean that fuckin’ mess you made with my shit.”

Well damn.

A/n: well I’m gonna turn my notifications off now byeeeeee

#➸┈❥ℳ𝒪𝒞ℋ𝒜🖋️₊˚⊹♡#toji fushiguro smut #jujutsu kaisen toji #toji x black reader #fushiguro toji #toji smut #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #jjk toji #fushiguro toji x reader #jjk x black reader #black reader #black fem reader #Spotify

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hulhudhonado · 1 year

Text

Ornithophile

Synopsis: Jing Yuan is a bird magnet. As harmless as it sounds, it seems to lead to misunderstandings.

CW: Nothing

HC: Reader works under Yukong. Reader is gender-neutral.

Characters: Jing Yuan, Yukong, Fu Xuan, Mentions of Tingyun and Yanqing

Note: Genshin to Honkai pipeline is real omg. Honestly I am not that interested in Honkai Star Rail or any of the Honkai games but I do play it and let me tell you I love this man. The characters in this game do not miss. Already making drafts for a Sampo fic. My one goal is to max them out. Also anyone interested in Aeons fanfic? Just asking. Anyway, please make sure to like, comment or reblog. Interactions with the post lets it reach a wider audience. Requests are also open! Enjoy.

Jing Yuan was used to the attention given to him, it wasn’t shocking to him. An individual of his status always would draw attention amongst the crowds. However, most people tend to divert their eyes or at least make an effort to pretend they weren’t staring, especially when they weren’t supposed to. It was considered a decent thing to do. However you on the other hand clearly did not understand this concept.

The first time he had caught your eyes, he waited for you to shyly look away like most people did, however to his surprise you kept a stern gaze towards him, refusing to move. It did phase him a bit, how strange that you had no shame to look away knowing that you had been caught. He chuckled to himself, that time he gave you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you felt it was more awkward to look away.

However, the staring continued. You stared at him whenever you had the chance. He could feel your gaze burning from the back of his head. How were you so confident? Does he not scare you? Do you not understand authority? Maybe you just didn’t have the shame to hide the fact that you adored looking at him. He tried not to crack a smile every time he did catch you staring. He didn’t want others to know why he was laughing at himself.

It wasn’t a surprise to him, having people fall for him. Tingyun was already making sales from his looks, so it was clear that many people were head over heels for him. Maybe you were just like them, an admirer who was terrible at keeping a secret. He didn’t mind, he was already used to the attention.

—

“You seem to be distracted these days. Is your age finally catching up to you?” Fu Xuan jabbed. Jing Yuan let out a chuckle “ I don’t know what you mean.” He answered, unphased. Documents were piling up and Yanqing still didn’t have a decent partner to train with, he had too many unnecessary things piling up on his head. Fu Xuan was clearly here to mess with him for letting things go on for this long.

“Don’t try to hide, you have been laughing to yourself or cracking smiles out of the blue! Have you finally lost it?” She asked once more. Honestly not what he had expected her to say. He thought she was here to clown him for not finishing his work on time, he didn’t realise he had got caught. She continued. “If so, I’m willing to take your place any day for your ‘early’ retirement.”

Jing Yuan rolled his eyes, looking back at the screen in front of him. “If you don’t have anything better to do you’re free to leave. My mental state is perfectly fine.” Fu Xuan let out a smirk. “It won’t be for long.”

Jing Yuan turned to her, he didn’t want to give her attention especially when he was this busy, but Fu Xuan was not going to stop fishing for answers. Raising an eyebrow he decided to take the bait.“And what makes you say that?” Fu Xuan let out an almost sinister laugh. Jing Yuan could only frown, he didn’t like the sound of that.

“I recently foresaw a future of yours.” The room felt cold in an instant. Jing Yuan was now fully focused on Fu Xuan, who continued to smirk victoriously. It didn’t seem to be serious but it didn’t seem to be a good thing either. “What did you see?” He asked nervously, he tried his best to hide it, he didn’t need to give Fu Xuan any more openings.

Fu Xuan pretended to think, withholding the information rather than stating it at once. Jing Yuan sighed, of course, Fu Xuan would want to have the high ground. “I’ll repeat, what did you see?” He stated once more, a more serious tone plaguing his words.

Fu Xuan scoffed. “You’re no fun.”

“If it involves me then it involves Xianzhou Luofu and its people. I would rather not be left in the dark about this.” Fu Xuan shrugged. “It isn’t something serious. If it was, I would have told you about it instantly. You know I am not one to take my time.”

“Then why hide it from me?” “Because it’s funny.” Jing Yuan sighed. “Just tell me.”

“Don’t feel like it.” And with that Fu Xuan's hologram disappeared. Jing Yuan huffed, how annoying. It seemed that people around him were forgetting what respect meant.

—

Yukong never made physical trips to meet with Jing Yuan regarding any issues on the Xianzhou Luofu. It was a big ship, and it was a waste of time to constantly travel back and forth when they could communicate via holograms.

However it was always safe to bring confidential documents face to face, a third party might cause leaks. To his surprise, you tagged alongside her during one of their rare trips. However, for once, you didn’t look up to look at him. He tried his best to focus on what Yukong kept saying but his eyes kept wandering back to you. Why were you not looking up? Was it because this was the first time you had seen him face to face? However he didn’t like this, he wished you would just look up like usual.

“Tingyuan couldn’t make it?” He asked, trying to focus the shift on you. You jolted up, now nervously looking at Yukong who also was caught off guard. Yukong looked back at you, before turning back to Jing Yuan trying to seem unphased. “Yeah, she was assigned a task alongside the trailblazers. You had assigned her to them.” She asked.

“Hmm, I did? “ Jing Yuan asked in a playful tone. You still didn’t turn to look at him, now just looking down at the floor to not draw any more attention. He couldn’t hold a smile on his face anymore, he was getting annoyed. Why today of all days you decide not to look at him?

He wanted to see your face properly, not in his hologram form. As advanced as things were in Xianzhou Luofu, when he is in his hologram form he can’t see everyone clearly. It was like being stuck behind a screen. Now that he was finally face-to-face with his ‘staring partner’ he wanted to see what you looked like.

“Well, since things in the Xianzhou Luofu are not settled yet, I would prefer if you could hand me documents face to face from now.” Yukong blinked, before realising what he had stated. “But sir, that would take some time, and I can’t always make trips here when I need to take care of my team.” Jing Yuan tilted his head, pretending to be oblivious to his schemes. “You can just ask Tingyuan, or your companion right next to you. If you trust them to accompany you then I’m certain they can help you bring me these documents. Am I wrong?”

His statement finally made you look up. He believed he was ready to face your gaze, but he was being too cocky it seemed. When he had locked eyes with you he almost looked away with how sudden it was. Your gaze was sharp and strong, just as the times you had looked at him before. You had a poker face, attentive to your work since Jing Yuan had personally entrusted you to do Yukong’s work. It seemed the hologram way of communicating had dulled down the intensity of your gaze full of determination. Jing Yuan didn’t expect to get such a whiplash.

He held his ground, he didn’t need any reason to feel shy now. Fu Xuan’s words started to replay in his head, he wasn’t sure why. You couldn’t be the reason for his downfall, could you? There was no way.

Yukong sighed, interrupting the spiral Jing Yuan had going inside his mind. “Of course. We won’t disappoint you. “ She answered. “I’m glad to hear that.” Jing Yuan smiled, his gaze never leaving you as you did the same.

—

It wasn’t surprising that you made most of the trips. He found out that you were new to the job, at least to Yukong’s sector. Since Tingyuan was busy with the trailblazers and Yukong had her duties to attend to, you ended up being the special courier for any confidential documents. Most of the documents were digitised so your trips weren’t common, but Jing Yuan made it his mission to make sure you somehow ended up in his office.

Was this corruption from the higher-ups? Probably, if anyone knew what he was doing they would think he was bullying you but he didn’t mean any harm. He just likes the mini-staring matches you both have. Not many people look at him with such confidence.

It also didn’t seem to be an issue as it seemed that you liked the job. No matter how many times you were told to bring in documents, you always followed through without complaining. Tingyuan tended to ask for bargains while Yukong would straight up avoid making rounds. You on the other hand would be ready to make a delivery in an instant. It was probably due to the fact you were still new to the job, but he liked to pretend it was because you wanted to see him often.

He smiled to himself thinking about it. He didn’t like how much of a narcissist he was. He knew people loved him but having his delusions of someone liking him more than just the ruler of the Xianzhou Luofu must be his breaking point. Fu Xuan was on to something, you must be his downfall.

—

It was like any other day, you made the delivery and you were going to head back to your station. However, Jing Yuan was getting tired of this. It was any day now that the trailblazers would be done with the Stellaron attacks and he would finally have to step in to fix what was left. This means everything would return to normal and your trips wouldn’t be necessary anymore. All these trips didn’t make you both any closer either, you were keeping a distance between the two of you.

He also noticed how you reduced staring, it seems you had caught on the fact that he knew you were staring. He honestly was surprised you didn’t realise it sooner, it wasn’t like you were hiding it. But now whenever he would catch your eyes you would jolt up as if he caught you doing something horrible. If it was in the past he wouldn’t have minded, but now whenever you looked away he felt frustrated.

As the day was going to end as it usually did, Jing Yuan finally snapped. He needed to change this routine you both had created. “May I ask you a question?” He asked. He caught you so off guard you dropped the documents on the ground. Scattering them all over the floor. In an instant you dropped down, to collect the papers off the ground. He followed suit, trying to help.

“Oh, you don’t need to do that sir!” You try not to stutter. You didn’t expect him to ask you anything. You guys never spoke anymore than anything related to work, so the sudden question caught you off guard. “ Don’t mind me, I just wanted to ask a question. I didn’t think it was that shocking.” He chuckled.

You nervously laugh, continuing to gather all the materials before he could get any more. To your horror, he had already collected most of it. However, the piles of paper were now in a mess, completely unorganised from how it was originally arranged.

“You can sit with me and chat while we organise these.” He stood up smiling, mockingly shaking the documents towards you while you tried not to get embarrassed. “My apologies sir.” You mumble, standing up with the little amount you were able to get. “I’ll forgive you if you answer my questions.” The way he spoke was so calm. He was a ruler for a reason, his voice was loud in battle and comforting to his citizens. You instantly felt at ease when he didn’t seem to mind.

“I’ll take you up on that offer, sir.”

—

When he said questions, he meant a lot of questions. He asked why you chose the job, what you liked, your interests, and your hobbies. He was ticking off everything at this point. You of course answered. The way he articulated the questions and the calm sound of his voice seemed to have entranced you. You were certain if he was a lawyer he would have gotten the answers right out of you in an instant. It was no wonder he was in such a high position.

“You seem to stare a lot don’t you?” A question that you didn’t expect. He smiled, eyes closed ready for an answer. Did he catch you off guard? He hoped so, he wanted to tease you a bit, making you realise that your silly little crush on him was already discovered. Maybe it was sudden but with how truthfully you were answering his questions he didn’t expect you to lie your way out of this.

You could feel the rush of blood on your face. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to stare! It’s just…” you cut yourself off. He patiently waited for your answer. What could it be? Did you like his face? Many people did, it was the reason Tingyuan was making a fortune for so many years. Or perhaps you would be bolder and say you liked his body? His clothes and armour enhanced its appeal. Or maybe his hair? It reminded of a lion’s mane to most and Yanqing would always mention how elegant it looked, even after he had spared the entire day. He wasn’t even sure how it stayed in such luscious conditions.

He tried not to tap the table, eager for your answer. He could hear his heartbeat increase its speed, he didn’t realise how nervous he was. What was it about him that you just couldn’t help but look? He needed to know now.

“ The bird.” It was almost a whisper when you spoke. He wasn’t even sure he heard you properly. “The bird?” He repeated, a bit dumbfounded. You nodded, guilt leaving your body but suddenly feeling sheepish. You can’t believe you were going to admit this.

“ You always have a bird in your hair. It’s so unphased I always wondered whether it was tamed.” You continue to say. You watched Jing Yuan stare at you, unable to speak. You took this as a sign to continue. “Well you see, I love looking at birds. Especially since in Xianzhou Luofu, they are quite rare. But you have one always on your shoulder! So when I first saw it I was so shocked. If you don’t mind me asking, could you tell me what type it is? Is it a Zebra finch? A Waxbill? The red beak makes it a bit prominent but I couldn’t see its feather pattern so I couldn’t tell what type it was.”

As you continued to go on and on about the bird, Jing Yuan was trying his best not to show any signs of embarrassment. He couldn’t believe this. He had thought this entire time you had looked at him due to admiration. Honestly, it was his fault for making up delusions on his own but he didn’t expect this. You were staring at the birds that usually landed on his shoulder and hid around his hair. He was so used to it he completely forgot they even stuck next to him while he worked.

A sudden notification came to your phone which made you stop your little bird talk. You read it and immediately stood up an instance. “Oh no! The time!” You almost shout, your worried gaze not looking away from the phone. You look at Jing Yuan sadly, and he could feel his heart was close to bursting. Not only from his embarrassment but also how unhappy you looked knowing that you would have to depart from him.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t organise all the documents in time. I’ll make it up to you next time sir!” You begin to gather your things and head out. As you near the door you turn back to him shouting. “I apologise if this is inappropriate, but I hope to talk to you again!” You say. You take a bow before turning back and running out the door.

All Jing Yuan could do was stare as you left. Suddenly he could feel all the emotions he had held back to save face flowing out. He slumped on the desk, hands on his face trying to cover his face which was completely red. He could not believe this had happened to him.

He heard a little chirp near his ear. He looked to the side, to see his little bird friend peeping at him in glee. “You did this to me.” He grumbled, glaring at the bird who continued to chirp, almost as if it was laughing at him. Sighing, he slumped back on his chair, trying not to think about what just had happened.

He couldn’t help it though. It made sense now, you probably were curious about the bird, trying to figure out what kind it was. He was the one overthinking it, making up stories in his head where you profess your love to him. No wonder Fu Xuan said what she did. She knew this was going to happen.

He sighed, picking up his little friend off his shoulder onto his hand. After making a mental note on finding a way to get back at Fu Xuan, he began to think about you again. He was already too deep into this, he was going to make you like him back. He stroked the bird’s head as it peeped in delight. He looked down at it as it playfully nipped at his finger.

Another idea popped into his head. The last words you said played in his head again as he stared at the bird who danced around in the palm of his hands. He felt a smile creep on his face.

“Well, at least I can figure out what we are going to be talking about next time we meet.” He chuckled to himself, humming a tune alongside the bird. He was already too deep into this, and he was not going to let you go that easily.

He was going to make you look at him the same way he looked at you, one way or another. Who would have thought a love of birds would lead to this?

Good luck!

#jing yuan x reader #honkai star rail x gender neutral reader #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x gender neutral reader #hsr x reader #jing yuan x gender-neutral reader

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tinytinyblogs · 23 days

Note

Hii!!!

I saw that your requests are open and I wanted to request something with yandere skz?

I really love your Chan and Minho one's!!

Feel free to ignore this if you want!!

Tutoring Session

Your gentle tutor appears to be growing increasingly agitated, signaling that there's more to be taught.

(Yandere theme) 1,1k words

A narrative drawn from inspiration found on Pinterest

Stray kids masterlist

💬Hey there, apologies for the delay. I've been having an incredibly exhausting month, and it's not quite over yet. However, I wanted to express my gratitude for your request. It's been a while since I've written, and you've given me a reason to start again. I'm aware it's not perfect, especially considering my current mental state, but I'm doing my best. I hope it meets your expectations.

Your insights and reactions make these posts come alive. Love reblogs, comments, and all the good vibes welcome ✨

The pen hitting the table echoed in a tense silence, stirring unease without clear cause... or perhaps there was. The idea of you being admired by many, with one confession and one secret admirer, left him contemplating: how many more should he weed out? Glancing at his watch, he counted each passing second, eagerly awaiting your arrival for the tutoring session. Once he catches sight of you, once he senses your presence, he swears he wants to keep you all to himself. He admits he's a bit crazy, but if it means having you, he's willing to do whatever it takes. He's always doing that, and don't forget how he made that guy scream in pain when he tried to flirt with you. During the tutoring session, his mind isn't on the lessons; instead, he's consumed with thoughts of how to make sure you stay with him.

He doesn't even entertain the idea of letting you go home afterward. He's meticulously watching your every move, knowing that every tiny detail drives him even crazier. If he releases you now, he'd consider it a loss in this game, wouldn't he? On your end, you might be oblivious to his schemes or perhaps you're in denial due to his innocent façade. As you pause, setting your pen down and sliding the paper over, he eagerly takes it, pretending to make corrections when he's really not. With his gaze fixed on the paper, he noticed your phone lighting up with text notifications from another guy. Jealousy gnawed at him, an unpleasant feeling. As he set the paper down and glanced at your distracted attention on the phone, he observed you for a few moments until you finally noticed. "Finished? Am I doing it right?" you asked, and he simply nodded in response.

As you gather your things, starting to feel a slight panic over him, Felix blocks your attempt to reach for your phone. His hand intercepts it, sliding it out of your reach. "It's not over yet," he asserts in his deep voice. "We could have completed learning those topics from the book, but there's still another matter we must attend to." You gaze at him with an apprehensive expression, noticing a certain aura of danger emanating from him, though you can't quite put your finger on it. "The thing is," he begins, pausing before continuing, "you and those around you seem too close." His eyes now fixate on yours, his demeanor shifting from the sweet tutor you once knew. "And I detest the notion that others believe they can lay claim to you... They could never even fathom such a thing. Why? Because you belong to me, whether you realize it or not."

Slowly withdraw your hand from your phone, feeling a creeping sense of unease. His presence looms larger, his demeanor more intimidating as he leans in closer, causing you to instinctively retreat, your back pressing against the couch, a memory of feeling trapped flickering through your mind. In his deep, resonant voice, he declared, "I could lose everything, but never you." His words, once admired, now sent shivers down your spine. "Oh God, not you," he continued he raises his voice, unleashing all the emotions he feels, causing you to flinch., his gaze piercing into your soul. "I won't allow you to slip away from my life, never." As he drew closer, you couldn't shake the feeling of impending danger. Is it time to push away and flee? He seemed far more menacing than you had ever imagined. Your hand continues to push him away, trembling with fear as panic surges through you.

His grip tightens harshly around your hand, overpowering your feeble attempts to break free. His eyes blaze with anger, as if seeing nothing but red. The fear of losing you completely consumes him, evident in every tense muscle of his body. "Do you even realize the lengths I've gone to just to have you here, under my arm?" His intense gaze pierces into your soul, rendering you unable to look away, trapped by his commanding presence. His firm hand confines you to the couch, while his deep voice resonates throughout the room. "I've done everything, absolutely everything for you." His voice grows increasingly fervent. "I've removed obstacles, shadowed your every move, earned your trust until you relied on me for even the most trivial matters, all for a sliver of your attention." After a moment, he exhales sharply, his breath gradually returning to a more steady rhythm, a hint of calm seeping into his demeanor.

Yet, he remains rooted in place, unwilling to retreat. "If you believe you can simply walk away to another man, think again," he asserts, his voice carrying a weight of warning. Pausing briefly, his hand glides to your cheek, tenderly stroking it, offering a semblance of affection that, instead of melting you, sends shivers down your spine. "You belong to me, and me alone," he declares adamantly. He refuses to entertain any alternative, steadfast in his conviction that you are destined solely for him. It's a truth he's ingrained in his mind, and he implores you to understand and accept it as well. His smile, once so angelic, now fails to evoke the same warmth it once did. Instead, it sends a shiver down your spine, a stark reminder of the unsettling truth beneath the façade. His loving gaze, once cherished, now fills you with a sense of dread, a realization of his true, unsettling nature.

"Did I startle you, my love?" he inquires with a voice dripping with sweetness, a stark contrast to the darkness lurking within. "Forgive me, but perhaps it's for the best that you see me for who I truly am," he continues, planting a kiss gently upon your forehead. "Because this is the reality you'll be facing for the rest of your days – your devoted tutor, boyfriend, or whatever role you choose to assign me." From today until who knows when, you find yourself uncertain about how long you'll remain under his control, consumed by his obsession. "The tutoring session isn't over yet, my darling," he remarks, forcefully moving your phone out of your reach, almost as if discarding it. "There's still so much more for me to teach you." His gaze returns to you, his favored individual in this world. "I'm going to educate you further on what it means to belong to me. Pay close attention, because in my world, there's no room for forgetting. Not when it comes to me," he asserts, his words cutting deep into your heart. "I won't allow you to forget a single thing about me, your beloved." He wore a smirk.

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saschax · 22 days

Text

ghost headcannons.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: intense negative emotions (experiences strong feelingsof anger, resentment, anxiety, and stress), grudge holding (hold onto negative feelings), emotional surpression, isolation and touch deprivation (isolated and unaccustomed to phsyical contact, which he yearns for), trauma-related fear, sexual anxiety, mental distress (experiences a lot of mental distress and anxiety, which is exacerbated during intimate situations.) nsfw (sexual content)

safe for work.

ghost is an individual who is deeply angered, seeking vengeance, and filled with intense resentment.

contrary to the popular belief that ghost is understanding, compassionate, or forgiving, i personally perceive him as stern, and he has a tendency to hold onto grudges.

although he might seem “peaceful” on the surface, there’s a storm brewing within him, as he suppresses his anger. this is a detrimental habit of his. in general, his internal emotional state is typically dominated by anxiety, stress, hatred, and fury.

ghost is isolated…

in my opinion. he is deprived of physical contact, but it doesn’t help when he recoils or twitches every time someone accidentally brushes against him. ghost struggles to communicate that he doesn’t dislike the touch, he’s just not accustomed to it (and in fact, he yearns for it more than anything), but he keeps this to himself.

building on the previous point, he is fearful of intimate gestures.

such as hand-holding, close proximity (he doesn’t mind this if it occurs during missions, as long as it’s necessary. e.g., door breaching), and so forth. this fear stems from his traumatic experiences with such gestures…

i believe this is referred to as haphephobia?

ghost has a leaner physique.

in my view. he is strong, but not overly muscular. he’s not leaner than soap or any other guys, though, he’s still a bit more muscular than them.

his build aligns with the original ghost’s, just with a bit more muscle to support the current one.

ghost falls ill frequently.

since ghost doesn’t really take good care of himself, such as getting adequate sleep or consuming enough food/drinks, he tends to fall sick easily.

and he never discloses this to anyone and continues to carry out his missions.

ghost experiences nightmares during his sleep.

and because his dreams are so vivid, he temporarily forgets a person (like soap, if he is dreaming about soap. e.g., soap gets brutally attacked) for a while when he wakes up.

his brain temporarily suppresses certain memories of his to shield him from stress, but they always resurface later…

not safe for work.

ghost is timid, hesitant.

it’s already a small wonder if you somehow manage to have him above you, he’s not accustomed to being this exposed and he feels like he’s on the verge of being sick.

he’s just… unfamiliar with this, trembling the entire time.

this is the real him, a guy with full of anxiety, troubles. a guy who is told to "hide your fear", and don't show weaknesses. his whole fucking walls are falling down because of alot of things are going through his head.

he tends to pause frequently.

don’t worry if he pauses his thrusts, it’s just him reflecting on… certain matters.

you’ll need to gently draw him out of his thoughts if you want him to continue, his eyes fixated on the pillow, lost in thought, is making you worried.

P.S i always imagined ghost as person with mental problems, considering his backstory.

please let me know if this is not canon! i am german so i dont really know the plot very well, im still learning.

(i dont know english pronouncations, just how to type the words)

ill be posting a "dominant and needy" john price fanfiction tomorrow, unknown time. its nsfw.

#ghost x reader #ghost smut #cod #call of duty #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley smut #headcanons #cod headcanons #cod fanfic #cod imagine #task force 141 #mentions of #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley x reader smut

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simply-hyacinth · 2 years

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You write L so wonderfully and so in character. I had a request if they’re still open: Could I request Reader (any gender) giving L his first kiss, teaching him how to kiss in the process, and L discovering that he really enjoys the sensation of kissing? I headcanon L as so mentally devoted to his work that his physical form has kind of taken a backseat, and so something like a kiss or touch from the right person can ignite in him a new understanding of himself. Thanks for reading! 💖

So, I was gonna answer this later because I have a truly astounding amount of homework to get done, but how could I keep you waiting? Anyways, I tried my best to adhere to your request, and I'm so sorry if it's disappointing, I've never really done this before. Please let me know if you want anything else written or rewritten, or literally anything. Your wish is my command. Also, thank you so much for your kind words! I am trying to write him as realistically as possible because I saw too much ooc L, and so I'm doing my best.

“Cake?” You asked, setting it down in front of him gently so as to not disturb his setup.

“Thank you.” He responded. His eyes never left the screen as he picked up the fork and began to eat.

He had arrived at your apartment last night and in typical L fashion, had given you little notice before knocking on your door with a briefcase of files and papers. He had turned your living room into a crime scene, and as far as you knew, hadn’t slept a wink since he had gotten here.

You didn’t want to ask him any questions or bother him, despite how incredibly curious you were, but you did want to be sure he wasn’t wasting away under your watch. If that meant feeding him desserts every hour to ensure that something was being consumed, then so be it.

“Cake for dinner,” You said softly to the air, shaking your head as you served yourself a slice. “I’m living my childhood dreams.”

Taking a seat next to L, you very carefully pulled a blanket up to your lap. You watched him cautiously, worried that your movements might distract him.

“You are not bothering me.” He said abruptly.

You froze “Are you sure? I can just go to my room if - “

“No, I quite enjoy your presence.” He turned to you. “And if anything, I should be the one worried about bothering you. I have completely taken over your living room with my research.”

In furious denial, you responded, “No not at all! I love having papers about - “ You pick up a paper and skim the first sentence. “ - mass murders…on my couch…”

L let out a soft chuckle, to which you gave him a smile in return. “I should be thankful that you have not yet tired of my existence.”

“How could I ever? You’re my best customer.” You gestured to the state of your messy kitchen - a result of all the baking and cooking you had done for him since he had arrived.

He responded with a little laugh, and turned back to his screen. You admired how much he devoted himself to his work, however it worried you nonstop to see how it ate away at him, both mentally and physically.

You didn’t pretend to understand what he did. As far as you could tell, he was a spy or detective of sorts. He never confirmed or denied your guesses, but there were certain aspects of his routine that allowed you to infer what you could.

What you were sure of, however, was that the only time he was ever able to properly relax was when he was around you. Which only made it that much more saddening that he was so immersed in his research at this moment in time.

But you said nothing. It was never your place to interfere or say anything. That was how the two of you worked.

You picked up your book from the table in front of you and began to read. It was nice, being near him and the two of you being allowed to do your respective things. In fact, the book you were reading was one he had suggested for you after you told him it had been a while since you found a good book.

So far, you were quite happy with the recommendation.

After a couple of hours of just being next to each other and occasionally exchanging words, you began to doze off. The book slipped out of your hands and your head dropped onto L’s shoulder.

For the first time in hours, he was completely taken out of his work mindset. The weight of your body slumped against his was so warm. He knew it probably would be best to let you sleep, but how was he meant to get any work done if you were right against him?

Lucky for him, you started to stir, yawning as you awoke from your brief nap. “You’re here?”

“I’ve been here since yesterday.” He replied quietly.

You quickly noticed how much of his personal space you had accidentally invaded and shot straight up. “Shit, I didn’t mean to - “

L reached over and took your hand. It was a bit of an awkward grab, but you understood he meant it to be comforting. “You do not bother me.” His words were firm.

“Right,” You breathed out, unknowingly lacing your fingers with his. “I forgot.”

“You also seemed to forget that I was here,” He noted. “You were surprised.”

Your cheeks heated up at his observation. “I think…I’m not used to you being so present next to me. It was a bit shocking to wake up practically sleeping on you.”

He was silent for a moment, and then, “Elaborate. On the part about me being present.”

“It’s not a matter of you being physically absent, but I mean you’re always so absorbed in your work that it’s like you forget I’m here or even where and who you are. Mentally, you are on another planet almost ninety percent of the time.” You explain, embarrassed.

This seemed to bother him. You noticed the way his grip on your hand loosened and his shoulders deflated even more.

“I never meant to make you feel that way.”

Your heart broke at how defeated he sounded. “Not at all! I just want you to be aware that you’re allowed to relax around me. You’re under no obligations here.”

He nodded. “Then you should also know that I don’t mind you being close to me.” He looked down at where your hands were still intertwined. “I’ve come to enjoy being in contact with you.”

You laughed lightly, relieved. “Thank goodness. I could kiss you right now, you know?”

“You could.” He confirmed quickly. “It would certainly be an experience I’ve never had before.”

To that, your laughter stops. “Never? You’ve never been kissed before?”

“I think I, of all people, would know if I had been.” He said dryly.

“Would you want me to kiss you?” You asked him, your words hushed and curious.

He pondered it for a moment. “I would want you to, of course. I have no expectations on whether or not I will enjoy it, as I have no previous experience to form them from. However, based off of what the vast majority of the population would - “

You decided you had enough of his talking and leaned forward, pressing your lips against his and using your free hand to hold his face gently as you did.

By kissing standards, it was not perfect. It was soft and awkward, but to you it was pure bliss. And as you pulled away and saw the gratified look in his eyes, it was fairly evident he felt similarly.

“How was that?” You asked teasingly.

“I’m not sure,” He replied. “I think you should do it again, for me to provide you with a satisfactory answer.”

You let out a laugh and leaned against him. “To be entirely honest with you, I haven’t kissed many people before.”

“In comparison to them, how did I do?”

“Well, that was just a basic kiss.” You explained. “If you really want to be memorable, you should try a little harder.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “And how should I do that?”

You gave him a sly smile and moved until his back was pressed against the couch cushions and you were positioned slightly above him, your legs on either side of his lap.

“Just open your mouth…” And like the obedient boyfriend he was, he did. “...lean forward…” Your lips met his again and you pulled him in closer; so close that you could feel his heart pounding against your chest.

The two of you quickly fell into a rhythm, and for someone who claimed to have never been kissed before, he was oddly passionate.

Breathless, you pulled away and beamed at him. “I would say that was pretty good. You?”

“If I wished to rank it, I would have to kiss other people to properly make a comparison.” You met his eyes, a teasing spark illuminated within them.

You scrunched up your nose. “Don’t joke. You are horribly unfunny.”

“Your lies do not concern me.” He placed a small kiss on the tip of your nose, much to your surprise.

“It appears you like being kissed then?”

“If it’s by you, then yes.” He sighed, a mixture of content and sadness. “I apologize for making you feel so unwanted around me while I work. I truly appreciate your presence and your efforts to distract me.”

You nodded acceptingly. “Well, do they at least work?”

L smiled. “They do.”

With a little exhale of relief, you rested your body against his and closed your eyes. “Anyways, you’re pretty good at that whole kissing thing. Maybe we can make it a habit.”

He squeezed your hand lightly. “I would like that.”

Because there was something so satisfying about kissing you, or even touching you, that made him only crave it more. L, whose mind was forever restless, had come to a complete halt the moment your lips had touched his.

It appeared that the only tried and true thing that could ever relax him and bring him out of an overworked state of mind, was being with you.

It was selfish. So incredibly selfish of him. To be with you, knowing the dangers, knowing the consequences, all because it made him feel good.

But he couldn’t help it. Not if it meant the possibility of kissing you again. And so he solidified this resolve in his mind that he wanted you, and only ever you. He knew there could be nothing good to come of this in the long run, but for now, you were both content in each other’s company.

L never stopped thinking about this moment. It might have been one of the only ones where he could truly say he was happy.

#simplyhyacinth #l death note #deathnote #deathnote x reader #deathnote fanfiction #l x reader #lawliet x reader #l lawliet x reader #l lawliet #l lawliet x you #l x you

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prismatic-bell · 3 months

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You know, I’m 35 and get told on a regular basis that people think I’m in my early 20s. I usually tell them it’s because I hydrate and mind my own business. But the truth is this: I do actually have a whole-body skincare routine, and I’m going to share it because THE COMPANIES ARE LYING TO YOU and I am going to save you so much time, worry, money, and counter space. It’s ten steps and they’re easy:

1) HYDRATE. Hydrate hydrate hydrate. Dehydration is the little death that brings chapped lips, flaking skin, and hangnails. Drink water. Drink fruit juice. Drink coffee, I don’t fucking care. Anything that puts more water into your body than it removes (which translates to “anything nonalcoholic”). Hydrate.

2) take a multivitamin. There are many out there. Do research if you want to. I take Centrum. Keep in mind this is not a replacement for meals and proper nutrition! It’s more like putting a high-quality patch on a hole in your wall. Micronutrients in particular can be hard to get and vitamins are good for those.

3) fuck your fancy facewash. I use a blend of two parts rubbing alcohol to one part each of rosewater and witch hazel—just dump your constituent parts in a mason jar and shake it. The rosewater and alcohol both lift dirt, the alcohol dissolves excess oil but it’s weak compared to specialized chemicals so it’s not stripping your skin, and witch hazel is a mild astringent that kills bacteria and moisturizes at the same time. Just wipe your skin gently once a day using a cotton round. (I actually have reusable ones, they’re great.) if you have super-dry skin you can use a moisturizer at this point, but I have normal-to-oily skin and have never needed one.

4) only wash your hair twice a week, but comb it every day with a fine-toothed wooden comb to prevent dandruff and stimulate blood flow to your scalp.

5) get an Italy cloth. I swear these things are magic. You just sit in the bath until your fingers just barely start to go pruney and then you rub it all over like a washcloth and it lifts off all the dead skin (don’t use it on your face, the skin is more delicate). You can literally see it come off, it’s so gross and so satisfying at the same time. Do it about once a week. Make sure you hang it up to dry after, and wash it regularly. (Also: Italy cloths do not kill bacteria, so you do still need soap. That’s okay, because washing after will also help remove any bits of dead skin that didn’t rinse away.)

6) fuck your fancy shampoo (if you have white-person hair). Mix apple cider vinegar with tea tree conditioner about 1:1 and soak your hair with it. Let it sit while you bathe. Rinse it out. Astonish hairdressers.

7) pick a fruit/veggie-based snack and reach for it when you’re idly hungry. Look, I get it, junk food tastes great and cooking vegetables is hard. (Believe me, I know.) That is why you do this. I go for veggies dipped in ranch or a cream cheese spread, or apples dipped in peanut butter. (You know what’s REALLY good, if you have the time and spoons? Mix the peanut butter with raisins and then slather the apples with it. Yum.) I’m not saying don’t have a piece of cake. I’m saying when you’re what the Brits call “peckish,” you can cheat and get some of your necessary fruit and veggies this way. It’s also super-helpful if you, like me, are neurodivergent and often forget to eat.

8) make cartoon faces. No, really! Your face was made to move. Puff up your cheeks, squeeze your eyes shut tight, move the muscles in any direction you can make work. You’ll find you feel more relaxed after, and when your face is more relaxed it’s not creating stress lines. (Wrinkles are beautiful, but speaking for myself I’d rather have crow’s feet and smile wrinkles than the angry line my mom had down the middle of her forehead.)

9) get a hobby that relaxes you, preferably a tangible one. Stress is bad for every part of you—your brain, your mental state, your heart, your kidneys, your skin. All of it. The skin is an organ. Treat it as such, and manage your stress.

And finally:

10) makeup ages you. MAKEUP AGES YOU. MAKEUP AGES YOU!!! Makeup blocks pores from doing their job; makeup mixes with sebum (your face’s natural and necessary oils) to create blackheads and whiteheads; the aggressive rubbing you may do to remove makeup causes microtears in your skin. MAKEUP IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU. If you want to wear makeup (or it’s required for your job or the world is stupid and racist and is forcing aggressive femininity on you) try to find powders instead of creams, look for the makeups with the fewest possible ingredients, invest in a good makeup remover, and don’t wear it everyday.

That’s it, that’s the ten steps I use to keep my skin healthy. Take care of yourself and mostly leave your body alone. It knows what to do.

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aerscribbles · 11 days

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I'm not getting to writing out the story for this WIP this year or probably the next (too much other stuff going on) so I want to put this out there somehow.

My mental nickname for it is 'TGCF Vertical Reversal AU'.

Instead of the more 'traditional roleswaps' (God/Calamity) it switches the places of Xianle and Wuyong on the timeline.

Jun Wu, thrice ascended as a martial god, god of disasters and misfortune, god of broken things. Generally way more hissy and spiteful than Xie Lian in canon. Also not very good at hiding the fact that he is constantly five seconds away from losing it.

Mei Nianqing the ~mysterious~ ghost king, infamous for his cartomancy, knowledge of the future and ability to manipulate dreams and fate.

The three unnamed vassals as gods who ascended after breaking up with Jun Wu.

Xie Lian as the Heavenly Emperor, as kind as he is strong, and oh so fucking tired. Constantly trying to parent all the other gods. also he gets to have pet tigers because I said so.

Hua Cheng as the gambling-addict State Preceptor of Wuyong. Responsible for Jun Wu's first encounter with the possibility of death. Currently trying to avert Xie Lian's rube goldberg suicide attempt.

Fengqing as powerful weather spirits in the territory of Mount Taicang. Mu Qing, a snow spirit known as Greed and Feng Xin, a wind spirit known as Ignorance (Hua Cheng is Anger). The names are referring to the three sources of mental suffering, as counter to the sources of physical suffering- Birth, Death, Sickness and Old Age (MNQ + the three mountain spirits). Hua Cheng is the old man shouting at clouds.

Mount Taicang and Mount Tonglu also switch narrative roles.

Mount Tonglu as a spiritually significant place for the kingdom of Wuyong, and also the place where the royal tomb is- 'in the fire we were born, to the fire we return'.

Mount Taicang as the ghost king trial location, though it isn't a volcano- think more Shinsenkyo from Hell's Paradise, a forested mountain overgrown with flowers, swarming with deadly insects and strange beasts- vaguely inspired by the wording of 'Body in Abyss, Heart in Paradise', a place of overwhelming beauty seemingly designed to harm you in every possible way.

The actual plot of this is less 'Xie Lian trying to force Jun Wu to become his successor by putting him through the Horrors and revealing Heaven's corruption' and more 'Xie Lian trying to ensure there is someone reliable in place to take over when he finally gets to kill himself, and cleaning house as a side benefit'.

But here's the thing. The deal with Mount Taicang is that it's the place where Xie Lian has imprisoned all of the Worst Things Ever, and the wards will fail if he dies. His power is the only thing keeping the Heavens afloat and a dozen other things functioning. The world is falling apart at the seams and is being held together with Xie Lian's lifeforce as duct tape.

Xie Lian is so, so tired.

And well, it isn't like anyone would really care if he died.

Care about the real him.

So, he plans to pass on the duties of maintaining the functional state of the world and finally find his rest.

Then his favorite child comes in and starts trying to beat some self-worth and appreciation for life into him.

Then everyone else shows up, including his old friends and the one who his heart betrayed him for.

And in the end, one person is enough.

I am 100% down to talk about this stuff if anyone shows any interest!

#tgcf #tgcf vertical reversal AU #tgcf reverse AU #tgcf roleswap #heavenly emperor xie lian #jun wu #mei nianqing #junmei #hualian #my stuff #tgcf au #tgcf meta #tgcf fanfic

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lotusmi · 1 year

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circumstances, states, failure, Who AM I?

"You are currently accepting things regardless you want to or not, you are. Do you like what you are accepting within? You either have it or you do not, but you can have it! You can have it inside. The only limit, the only one in the way inside ourselves is ourselves" EdwardArt

This my most important post, it contains all that you have to know. Read this and I promise you, you will see life becoming all you always wanted it to be. The law is easy. 💓

📝don't accept that which is not what you desire. Don't let circumstances, senses, people, say to you what is real. That's all up to you. Nothing is real unless you accept it as real. Nothing happens if you not assume so.

your world is just showing you who you are within yourself. That means that you can choose what you will see. You do this by entering the state of your desire. You do this by stating "I AM ..." and letting feel it. Feeling is not emotion, although it can come with it. Feeling is acceptance, allowing, being grateful. You let yourself know your desire is yours, it truly is. You have to decide to change, then enter the state of wish fulfilled. Then stick to this state and no power in this world will stop it harden into fact. Doing this is really easy, but you have to want to change and take the first step. "To desire a state is to have it". Nothing can stop you entering a state, only yourself.

"But I can't see how to start"

Yes, that's because you don't truly accepted that your imagination is God. Powerful, wonderful, limitless. You have to have faith or do, even in fear, it's your promise. "If you ASSUME SUCCESS and PERSIST in that assumption YOU CANNOT FAIL" "What would you do if you knew YOU COULD'T FAIL?"

The only one way you can fail is if you assume you can. So👏🏻don't👏🏻assume👏🏻it!

Anonther point is stop questioning the "how" "how it will happen?" "how can this happen? it's impossible"

"IMAGINATION WILL FULFIL ITSELF, SO DO NOT LIMIT YOURSELF BY ANYTHING NOW HAPPENING, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS" read this again. No matter what it is. 'No matter what it is'... isn't wonderful?

The "how" is not your business, you don't have to ask how it will happen, but KNOW it will happen. Your goal is to be sticked to the end. It's done. It is DONE, you don't have to do nothing more them stay sticked to the fact that you already have it because that is what is going to be reflected!!! THAT YOU HAVE IT ALREADY.

When you entered your desired state all you have to do is to remain faithful to it. This means: NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN SAY TO TO YOURSELF YOUR STORY.

"IF EVERY LITTLE RUMOR, DOUBT, OR FEAR CAN MOVE YOU AROUND... THEN YOU ARE NOT KEEPING THE FAITH"

DECIDE to have faith and it will become natural "you cannot assume you have your desire for a moment and then..."

No matter what be still and know it is done love. Even if they said "no". You said "yes". Your imagination, GOD, I AM, said "YES!" SO IT'S DONE. SO 3D WILL SHOW YOUR DESIRE. You also don't have to think about time. You claimed RIGHT NOW. If you assume it instantly manifests, then it is what you say. Because you said so.

You are not circumstances nor failure. You are I AM. You are the operant power, the creator, God. Feel free, feel grateful, enter good states of mind. Stop overconsuming, stop letting circunstances destroy your mental health. Take control. Assume good things. Be happy, feel love, believe it in, take it easy, apply it. That's it. You are I AM💓

#neville goddard #law of abundance #law of assumption #loa blog #loa tumblr #manifesting #void state #States #wish fulfillment #Dream life #I am #I am god #healing #motivation

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xgoldentempest · 30 days

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nsfw merman au feydpaul thoughts

i am thinking CRITICAL thoughts about feydpaul mermaid au...either feyd as this otherworldly creature (could be merman, shark, octopus?), cast out of his pod because of his ferocious fighting nature and deemed too dangerous to keep around when he comes of age. paul, human, sailing on board the arrakeen, with his father (still the duke) on the way to meet his mother (and duncan/guerney) in a new ? location idk. their ship gets attacked in the middle of the night, paul sees his father die on another man's blade. they come for him next, the pretty little duke's son, put a gag in his mouth - but he wriggles free, kicks a man but earns a long cut with a blade against his side for his trouble. he jumps overboard, and swims, cold panic squeezing his lungs. feyd smells him, blood in the water, for the first time in his life he knows the smell of mate, and his lonely existence seems to narrow down on this scent as the new centre of his universe. he is gripped with fear, why is his mate bleeding? until he finds paul, close to fainting as the blood loss and cold water tries to pull him under - and drags him to cave. paul is in and out of consciousness by this point, but feyd gets him out of those cold human fabrics and wraps himself around his body to try and warm him up instead. he licks up paul's cut, relishing in his mate's lifeblood gift to him - more than enough of a courting gift for him, he bled so feyd could find him! ig his saliva has magical healing properties idk. paul wakes to find this creature wrapped around him, feyd lets go because he thinks paul is disappointed in the lack of a prepared nest for him, so he quickly gets to work bring in nest-materials, and food, and he brings paul new things everyday as courting gifts and is giddy when paul slowly starts to take them. paul just thinks it's better to not offend the creature feeding him.

(for enjoyers of monsterfucking one may imagine feyd deciding he needs to clean paul, every day, preferably with his tongue (healing saliva pops off here) and yes - every part of him. paul atriedes is getting tongue in his ass bro. preferably multiple times a day if feyd has anything to say about it. he's also fascinated with paul's balls cause while he has a breeding pouch/tentacle thingo he doesn't really have an equivalent. he may also make the mistake of thinking that paul is then in a constate state of knot and feyd pities him greatly for the pain this must cause him - knotted all the time but with no relief to soothe him? and wants to suck on his balls like 24/7 which drives paul absolutely mental because he's a virgin duke's son and masturbation had been perfunctory at best and ohmygodsosenstive. feyd sees it as perfectly routine to worship your mate however he can and actually worries he is unworthy of paul, for feyd has had little sexual experience too, and that he is not good enough to give his little mate the ecstasy he deserves. paul on the other hand could not disagree more.

for noncon enjoyers: one may imagine feyd uhhh sliding some tentacles/fingers into paul's ass during the night just to keep him nice and plugged and full because feyd is territorial af. bonus points if feyd thinks it will help soothe my mate's constant knot! by milking his prostate. paul notices but lets him keep doing it anyway because he realises somewhere along the line it felt weirder to not be plugged and also he might be a little bit in love with this creature anyway.

anyway as paul starts to heal, he's been grieving for his father but realises his mother may have come looking for him. in this version he doesn't want to be duke all that badly and alia is aged up so she's only a few years younger than him so when he finally meets up with them he's like damn i kinda like it here. alia want to take over?

also come mating season feyd really wants paul to incubate his clutch and gets really sad when paul freaks the fuck out and doesn't want eggs inside him.... until he relents...... look is it so wrong to want that boy's holes full ...

idk i just had an image of feyd with black eyes and spikes down his back and now we're here. i think he would be hella cool as an octopus tho. does anyone fw this or am i yelling into a void. if u think this is weird. you're right but i won't apologise.

#dune #dune part two #feydpaul #paul atreides #paul x feyd #feyd rautha #feyd x paul #paul atreides x feyd rautha #my post

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pradababy333 · 2 years

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𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭!

No more sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. It’s time to change.

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

So you’ve been trying and trying and you just can’t figure out how to change your self-concept FOR GOOD? Here’s the post for you. I’m going to be writing a guide to let go of the old story and completely changing your life in the process.

𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡

So, you've found yourself in another spiral.

You've noticed that your circumstances are taking up too much space in your mind and you are consistently giving your power away to external sources.

Use the feelings and emotions that come with these painful experiences to propel yourself in this new direction.

The place you're in, the emotions you consistently feel and the experiences you deal with every day all stem from you and your internal state. It is extremely useful to cultivate a strong internal state (a good self-concept) in order to make your life and manifestation infinitely easier.

At one point, you need to realize that you have control over what state you are embodying. You have the ability to use your own intention and conviction to shift your state to something much more useful and desirable.

𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐢𝐛𝐢, 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞?

I'm so glad you asked!

Changing your state is all about intention. I learned about this from @sexyandhedonistic's own 24 hours self-concept post (she also talks about states more on her blog if you're curious). Once you decide on the state you desire to embody, that simple decision will allow you to enter that state.

You can understand what states are a bit more through this example:

If I am feeling sad, sorry for myself, and insecure, I am embodying an insecure state. I make decisions, I act in certain ways, and I carry myself based on this internal state. Now, if I decide to embody a state of confidence, power, and happiness, then I am embodying that state. I can now make decisions and see my life through that lens, which improves everything about my life.

This is what it means to think from your desire. You embody the state of the wish fulfilled, whatever that may be for you, and you think, react, and live from that state.

The thing that really opened my eyes and allowed me to decide to change FOR GOOD was this idea of how easy it is to change your state. I see it as a redirection on a moment-to-moment basis that will eventually become your natural state. Feeling safe and confident in the present moment is much easier than thinking about becoming perfect without any room for bumps in the road. You are allowed to have an imperfect journey.

Wavering is fine, and having a slip-up is fine, but remember to always be committed to returning to your new story no matter what.

𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬

Mental diet time! Going back to the basics is always the best way to start over. Mental diet is one of the first things you should be learning about the law of assumption.

Basically, this means that you observe your thoughts, reactions, and opinions on things in your life. Notice what you often daydream about. What is your internal dialogue like? Is it positive or is it negative? Be as honest with yourself as possible - the more honest you are, the faster you will be able to change your beliefs for the better.

You don't have to worry about every thought you have. The purpose of the mental diet is to take notice of why the 3D has so many undesirable circumstances manifesting right now. You will see exactly why people in your life act the way they do, why you're not getting results, and why you keep repeating the same cycles. There is no need to fear your thoughts because we're going to change them!

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐚

Stop the information overload in its tracks. Get clear on the basics and run with that. The rest will come.

Here are the most important points you need:

The law of assumption = what you assume to be true (your dominant thoughts and beliefs), will manifest in your physical reality Manifestation is shifting your conscious awareness to a reality that matches your dominant thoughts and beliefs. You are the operant power, you are the god of your reality, and you can manifest anything you want. To manifest anything: Assume what you want is yours, feel the wish fulfilled, and persist in that belief (persist = don't give up) The only way you can fail is if you give up. There is no failure in the law of assumption. The 4D (your imagination) is the basis of your 3D reality. The 3D (the physical) is only a reflection of the 4D. Therefore, if you change within, you will change without.

𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 & 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠

You can do this in any way you want: make a list, create affirmations, make a vision board, make a subliminal, script it, whatever! As long as you get clear to the very last detail you can muster of how you want your life to be. It’s important to be clear about it so you know what to focus on.

This will be your new story. You're leaving behind the thoughts and beliefs you've had in the past that have not served you.

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭

Changing your state is the easy part, sticking to your new story requires repeated redirecting back to your desired state. No matter what is going on in your 3D, no matter how you feel, refocus.

Continue to choose your desired state until it becomes your natural state.

Keep refocusing. I don't care if it’s hard. I don't care if your 3D is literally falling apart before your eyes. This is your life. Don't you want to experience the life of your dreams? Persist. Even if it seems like it's "not working" never stop persisting.

𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

I am the god of my reality

I always manifest instantly

I have the perfect self-concept

I have the best assumptions

I am living my best life

I love my life

Life is kind to me

Everything always works out for me

Everything always goes my way

I never have to worry about a thing

Life is so easy for me

My life is so blessed

I am stronger than the 3D circumstances

𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬

You are strong The 3D has no power over you This is your reality Changing your internal reality (your self-concept) will change your external reality

If you’re new to the loa, please read my intro to the loa!

#loa #law of assumption #manifestation #loassumption #neville goddard #shifting #reality shifting #self-concept #my posts

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