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monsoonblooms12 · 3 years

Note

What Ethan & Pooja AU is this? #OpenHeartAU

Selcouth (Ethan x f!MC)

Summary: Set in Book 2, Pooja gets the recognition she deserves for solving Naveen Banerji's case.

Selcouth: Unfamiliar, rare, strange and yet, marvelous🤎

A/N: Thank you so much @beastlyinstrument for the visual prompt❤ I had fun thinking up and writing this piece.

A/N 2: The flashback portions are indented

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey X f!MC (Pooja Sharma)

Word Count: around 3.2K (I am sorry!)

Rating: General

Category: A bit angst, A bit fluff

Warnings: 1 Curse Word (again 😆)

Prompts: Late Submission for @choicesmonthlychallenge July challenge day 4: celebration

There was stark silence surrounding him as he scribbled out points from the morning meeting of the Diagnostics Team along with some of his own observations from the patient charts. The days have been nothing out of the blue since his return from the Cholera-ridden district of Amazons.

The steam from the warm coffee filled the entire office with its sweet aroma. With winters in their full force, there was a mystic chill all around the city and the warmth the coffee gave was extremely welcomed.

It took him 30 minutes to the tee to complete his morning paperwork. And as he arranged the white sheets in a clean stack, a slow groan escapes him. He had been so engrossed in work, that he had completely missed the fact that he had emptied his coffee cup.

Ethan looks up from his desk to the windows giving an enchanting view of the brumal grounds. Snowflakes, basking in the distant sun's glory, shining like iridescent jewels, fell slowly, silently to meet their origin.

It's too serene of a day to waste indoors.

The thought caught him somewhat by surprise, even if it was his encephalon producing it.

He had spent long years of his life away from focusing on diminutive happenings like the weather or the warmth of his favourite Vienna on a frosty day.

To appreciate the beauty of falling of the snowflakes today, was a slightly unusual change. He couldn't help but wonder as to what would have caused it.

He didn't need to wait long for an answer. Like a response to his unuttered query, the notification bell of his phone brought him out of his reverie and displayed her name with the joy of a student who had solved a difficult problem with ease on the first try. It was nothing out of the ordinary, just an email of her completed reports.

And yet, he was unable to control the breakout of butterflies in his stomach.

The feeling was orphic, and yet irenic.

As his heels tapped on the white floors, supposedly conducting an intriguing conversation with them, a faint intermix of voices reached him and stopped him in his tracks.

"You're wearing all black." It wasn't a question, but a fact that Alexandra's voice enunciated.

"Are you surprised?" A concordant voice questioned. Even if he didn't acknowledge it, it was one of his favourite euphonies.

"No. Impressed."

"I lost a bet to Bryce, and this is what I get in return." There is a pause. "It's a nice change though."

He can feel the smile that emerges out on her face at the end and feels his lips curl up, like a magnetic connection. He was caught off guard as he stood there thinking of the sweet nothings and sweet everythings of his reminiscences with her.

"Good Morning Dr Ramsey!"

It took him all his power to straighten himself, and to put on the stoic façade before responding,

"Good Morning Dr Walton."

Alexandra didn't initiate a conversation, just like he had expected. Bidding goodbye to her companion, she strode off her way.

Now, it was just him and her, standing in the middle of nowhere, eyes locked in intense focus, tied together with a string they find themselves unable to break.

She looked striking like she always did.

In every hue, every ensemble, at every hour, she knew how to induce that unnamed feeling in his heart.

All she had to do was to look at him the way she did, and his idiotic heart would skip a beat, and an ambrosial emotion would follow.

And what does one do when emotions go out of control?

Self Preservation.

Giving her a brisk nod, he dropped his gaze, hurrying away past her, not having the courage to look at the hurt caused.

Idiotic.

That's the only word he could use to describe his actions.

He could think of a trillion excuses, travel through a hundred bends on the roads of justification, but nothing would be enough to balance out the pain he was giving her. Not even his playlist of curses that he played in his mind every day to remind himself what he truly was.

An asshole.

As soon as his steps took him to the outdoors, the crisp cold winds blew through his hair, and he cherished the moment.

The apricity hugged him, and the scene that met his eyes, the world draped with a veil of phosphorescing snow, generated a euphoria he was unfamiliar with. As a minuscule flakelet fell on his outstretched hand, he realized that no one needs to spend a billion dollars to get happiness.

It is hidden amidst mundane things, and the only thing one has to do is to keep foraging for it.

Happiness can be made, it can be found. But can it be bought?

Never.

------------------

It was unusually calm at Derry's in the morning hours.

Not that he was complaining, of course.

In comfortable, long sips, he lets the caffeine overtake the tiredness and the heartache coursing through his body. The glare of the screen and ping of his cellular broke the aura of comfort that had spread out through the coffee shop. He wants to shut it off and throw it in a corner away from his sight, but decides against it.

It's a text from Naveen.

Skipping is not an option for today night!

A groan escapes him, the annoyance of another meet and greet taking away all the calm. He tried to convince him, but all efforts went futile. He plays the discussion all over again to find any loophole he can to escape the torture.

Flashback:

It's after hours and the wing of the hospital where Naveen's office was situated bore a silence. The amicable old man sat in his chair, leaning back as the younger one stood, with his back at him. It was obvious they had been arguing, but it seemed more like amusement for the old mentor and annoyance for the young protégé.

"There is no need-"

"Ethan, you have been repeating the same words for fifteen minutes now." Naveen chuckles.

"I very well know that there is no need for anything, dear friend. I just want a little bit of happiness and merriment in the hard times."

"I am not stopping you from doing that, Naveen, you know that. But what is the need of the celebration being about me?"

"Because you are a reason I am alive today." The man gives a melancholy smile, vision blurred as the near-death experience of the past year come sailing in front of him.

"This celebration is about you and Dr Sharma. Without the two of you, I would not have been here."

Ethan's features are clouded by the pain of losing his mentor, who has been like a father to him, and inspiration. His frown softens, annoyance long lost, as he comes as takes a seat and places his hand on his.

"Fine. I will do this. But only for you, okay?"

Naveen's lips curl up in a grateful, happy smile as if wordlessly conveying his thanks. As Ethan stands up and proceeds to leave, he cannot stop himself from laying out his observation,

"For her too."

And Ethan knew. He knew exactly whom this was about. And as much as he wanted to deny the assumption, he couldn't help but accept the truth in it. Of course, he was doing it for Naveen. But he was doing it for her too. She deserved it so much more than him. If she hadn't been there, the seat occupied by his mentor today would have been...

Flashback ends

As his eyes skim through the crisp pages of the medical journal absent-mindedly, he thinks of her again. The permanent occupant of his daydreams, who would still manage to come back, no matter how many resets he carried out.

He thinks of her attire from the hour before, hair in a neat long braid, dressed in a meticulously embroidered Indian attire. And then of the celebration at dusk, where she will finally receive the recognition she deserves.

All the doubts regarding her promotion to the Diagnostics Team would be washed away.

He remembers what she had told him a few days after he had heard those nasty rumours,

"I have proved myself and I know what's true. I don't need to show anyone else the testament of my abilities. As long as I am fair and just, their words can do no harm to me."

His admiration for her had increased phenomenally when she spoke those words to him.

His pride, his faith had not been misplaced when he picked her for the difficult voyage named Edenbrook.

He has never felt so proud of any other intern as much as he does of her.

His heart sings to him, his choice was correct. He doesn't let it elaborate itself, because one wrong move from his side would be more than enough to ruin this unpolished gem before she even gets a chance to shine.

Yes, he did tell her that some things are worth any risk, she is worth any risk, back in Miami. The reminiscences of the day still played on the screen of his mind in sepia, they lulled him to sleep.

But the risk to harm her fragile career before it even blossoms?

It wasn't just a risk, it was like a crime for him.

One which he refused to commit.

---------------------

As dusk falls and winter blues colour the land of snow in multichromatic hues, hiding any bit of orange from the setting sun, Pooja Sharma hums along with her favourite songs as she dresses up for the special evening.

No matter how much she wants to curl up in the folds of the soft Cashmere, she has to be in attendance. It's a strict order from her grand mentor and impossible for her to go past.

It's all black day, she reminds herself when picking the outfit. And she doesn't forget to leave a thank you note for Lekh as she finds the perfect one.

And now, as she stands, trying to complete the arduous job of creating a perfect eyeliner wing, a certain someone's reminiscences trouble her pained heart.

No matter how much she scolds it for its stupidity, trying to explain the futility of the hope of getting together, it never heeds, just continues to trouble her with the baritone of his that enchants her mind, the cologne that overpowers all her senses.

As she looks at the reflection in the speculum, she cannot help but imagine his reaction.

Will she even get a reaction?

Maybe just a nod, or a look.

No words.

She has convinced herself with it. It took some time, some stops, some pulls of an invisible harness, but she has convinced herself.

She's stopped hoping, soothing herself with whatever they shared, memories that felt like they belong to a bygone era, and a promise of treasuring them, just in case he ever decided to come back.

---------------------

In the vespertine hours, the diamond dust made the sun devoid city look like a fairytale. Any other time, he would have just worried about the sharp chill, probably cursing the snow.

Being so observant of the places he is a regular visitor at, it was a new experience for him.

Strange, even.

It's something that will take some time to get used to.

The interiors are warm. Minimally decorated, as he had requested. Not wanting to create a fuss, he bee-lines to the corner of the room, where the only occupant was emptiness. He decided to cherish the moments of solace before the bother of the vivacious crowd began, wanting to start a colloquy.

On instinct, he looks around, not being able to comprehend the reason why his heart leaps to his throat. And then a pang of disappointment overlaps that sudden nervousness.

The absence of one person, the feeling so profound.

It's magical.

Dangerous, but still, magical.

A mute scold follows. No matter how hard he tries, strives towards that unannounced aim of reset, his stupid heart and its childishness always ruin his plans.

The call of his name makes him turn around.

Naveen stands, jolly smile fixed in place, eyes sparkling with joy and...

Gratitude.

They chat, topics ranging from Diagnostic team cases to complaints of coffee. His orbs casually drift towards the entryway, in hope of seeing his dearest.

And as the astrologers say, the stars align, the universe comes into play, and the shimmer of black in the lambent atmosphere makes his heart skip a beat. He feels a smile emerging and hastily hides it with a scowl.

If he had to, he would have sworn that he looked like a clown.

Her ambers gaze around in a lucid, tender manner, in strike contrast to his a while ago.

There is a lack of haste, of worry, of unease.

Her very presence fills the air with tranquility and without his consent, his soul basks in it. After what felt like an eternity, their gazes meet.

Melt into each other like the wax of two candles.

Become inseparable.

She smiles, it's faint.

It seems more of a formality than a wish. The momentary cheer is replaced by a somber, melancholic expression. Her orbs drift away, gaze turns away as if to hide whatever was to come from him.

And he knows.

He's the reason.

Silence is suffocating, but right now, the chaos is even more constricting to him.

Everyone chatters, mingles, smiles.

Everyone except her.

She stands too still, flashing a half-hearted smile and half-hearted gaze here and there, as she is surrounded by the rest of her friends, preventing him from getting a better look.

As conflict rises in his interior, a to go or not to debate, the gulps of scotch become more frequent, the frown gets tighter and guilt gets heavier. Before he can drown down into the never-ending cascade of crippling self-hatred, there is a call of his name.

Naveen.

---------------------

Claps and whoots surround her, along with a cheer. She becomes the recipient of numerous bear hugs, and compliments as Naveen elaborates on her contribution to his recovery. It feels like a reel of situations played from her sweven. It took a pinch for her to realize that it wasn't.

A mic tap follows, it's Ethan's turn to speak. She freezes upon hearing her name getting repeated again. There is an uncanny depth to it, she notices. An indication that it conceals so much more than is visible. Not just pride, not just intoxicating happiness.

Gratitude, raw and pure gratitude.

And something else (or maybe not?)

Her focus all over the place, she missed a lot of the address. What stayed carved in golden words was a single sentence, unremarkably remarkable.

"It's not me, it's her. I lost all hope, but she was the one who fought till the very end, never giving up, even if she had thousands of storms to navigate through."

"There can be only one recipient of the applause today, and it's Dr Sharma."

Two contrasting emotions put her in a dilemma. Whether to let the water drops she held strongly to herself or to let the heartfelt joy induce the grin that would shine brighter than the stars the twinkle along with the forlorn moon?

Unable to decide, she let the cracks in her stoic mask deepen, let the faint upturn of lips become visible to the world. Every applaud fell short, in a haze, as the mere words spoken mere moments before played in a loop like a soft harmony.

The 360-degree turn of the evening gave her the most unexpected and the most precious memories.

The change of the blithe chilly eve to heartwarming dusk.

Rare, mysterious and yet, magnificent.

Selcouth.

---------------------

Ethan Ramsey, for the past decade of his extremely brilliant career, has never displayed even a minuscule amount of emotions. Never. The mask of stoicism fixed so perfectly, that no power could ever induce a crack in it.

No one could.

Until one day, an intern waltzed into his life like an unforeseen plot twist and induced changes no one ever could.

The mask has cracked, even if to a small degree, letting the minuscule details of a transformation out. Sometimes it could be as evident as a smile, or a genuine compliment to an intern. In other instances, it would be just the absence of the forehead frown (which had become a permanent resident at a point).

And now, the beloved plot twist of his novel stood before him, her eyes expertly decorated with kohl. She was quieter than usual, engaging in casual conversation, but prevented going into depths of it.

Their gazes never meet, only slide past each other.

He missed looking into the amber of hers, trying to figure out her thoughts like someone engaged with a very complex puzzle that ends up in a phenomenal picture.

He missed listening to her sweet whispers, mumbles which made him smile more than he had for the past decade.

He missed her.

The universe is always planning a conspiracy to make destiny true. And it's definitely an action of its, that his hand extends towards her, wordlessly.

She gazes at it, gazes at him, thinks for a while.

And finally, slips her hand, bejeweled with that bracelet she wore in Miami. He still remembers it placed on his heart, which beat at an erratic rhythm.

Which beats at an erratic rhythm now.

Looking at the Bostonian sky, only drapes of translucent mist could be seen all around. No twinkles, even the moonbeams were struggling to reach them. The silence is comfortable, only interrupted by the sips of steaming hot coffee.

Her eyes are fixed above, in a search for the hidden celestial elements. His focus stayed on the snowflakes resting on his jacket.

He leans back, places a hand down.

There is a lack of warmth.

Soon enough, another hand joins him.

The cold is gone.

And so is his search of moonbeams.

Her touch felt like light, his own moonbeam. So soft, so warm, so dear. Something he could keep etched on his skin forever.

She was his moon.

And for her, those summery blue orbs held depths of the ocean, the faint, soft wrinkles that languid years leave behind as a mark of their passing like map lines of some unknown lands.

He was her world.

In every universe, through trials and tribulations, through pain and smiles, they were destined to find their way to each other. No one powerful enough to keep them apart.

Not even they themselves.

It was a cosmic state of comfort they found themselves in. His hand in hers, their fingers interwoven, the reflex etched in his mind with an everlasting ink.

He has never believed in soulmates, but as he as leans back, eyes closed, hair fluttering along with the icy-cold breeze, having her by his side, he couldn't bring himself to believe this was anything less than destiny.

That even after so many trials of forgetting her, he would always come back to her, searching for the serenity he only finds in her presence.

The feeling is rare, confusing, maybe terrifying.

But right now, he basks in the warmth that it provides, all worries and all woes are hidden in a wooden box, discarded away from his sight. And unbeknownst to even him, he waits for the day he can kiss her the way he wants to, no ties, no binds holding them away.

Yes, he waits for the day.

PS: If you are reading this, I am very grateful for you. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day🤎

Tags💕 (Let me know if you would like to be added or removed) :

Perma: @gkittylove99 @neotericthemis @udishaman @aestheticartsx @twinkleallnight @schnitzelbutterfingers @sophxwithers @sweatyrysconnoisseur @nikki-2406 @choicesfanaf @trrfanaddict @starrystarrytrouble @gardeningourmet @parkbarks @mvalentine @lovablegranny @mercury84choices @izzyourresidentlawyer @jessiembruno

Open Heart (All fics and edit): @lucy-268 @maurine07 @bellcat2010 @headoverheelsforramsey @estellaelysian @shanzay44

Ethan x Pooja: @aleynareads @choicesaddict5 @stygianflood @mysticaurathings @jamespotterthefirst @ilikemenbutonlyethanramsey @takemyopenheart

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

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februaryberries · 4 years

Text

Study (?) tips that you don’t see on every study post

Hi gamers, I just finished my first year at college/university!!

This year was really a struggle for me because I was trying to get the help I needed for my mental health, and I did not succeed until literally the week before finals spring term. I just got diagnosed w ADHD and put on meds (thank god) and I’m excited for the next year to come.

Though this year was absolutely grueling I did discover some little tips that can really help ! This is coming from my experience w ADHD but it could relate to other neurodiverse learners as well ! Even if you are neurotypical some of these might help !!

This post got really long so I’m gonna put it under the cut but, main Idea is bolded w a more in depth explanation underneath ( for those like me who see a block of text and go running)

In no particular order:

If you can/are up for it take a class before noon even if you are not a morning person. I am NOT saying take an 8am when u regularly go to bed at 4am! Bc that is dumb bb pls get some sleep. In my experience once I go to class my brain is like “oh things are happening now, it is actually a day and not just existing in a timeless hellscape.”

Once I am out of bed/out of my room I am at least mildly more productive for the rest of the day. Going to a class before noon means you are up and doing things for the day and early enough that you still have light. This ties into the next one

Start while it’s still light out!! At least for me I gain so much happiness from natural light/sunlight, and it is very hard for me to do things let alone START things once it’s dark out because my brain is like nope the day is over now. Plus in the fall/winter days days are getting shorter and shorter so it’s important to make use of as much daylight as you can. I feel like a plant w how much I rely on light to survive but it really does help!

Put on ‘Real People’ clothes. This is something that really helps me, even if it’s just like, jeans and a turtleneck, maybe tucked in w a belt. I’ve found that when I put on academic-y clothes or like Adult clothes it helps me switch my brain into school mode. It’s kinda like putting on a uniform for work? If I’m in too loose of clothes or like pyjamas for example, I’m much less likely to be able to switch my brain into productive mode. For me especially its when i’m wearing tighter clothing rather than baggy ones? Like i said a turtleneck which like the sleeves are fitted to my arms, and jeans or pants that are fitted to my legs. I think it helps because it makes me more aware of my body in the space? Idk. figure out what real people clothes feel like to you, and then have a couple of go to outfits you can slip on when you’ve been in a hoodie and sweatpants all day and really need to get some work done.

On that note, put on shoes. For me along w the tight clothing, I do better in shoes, specifically ones that lace up and can be tight. Like hightop converse, or boots, or even dress shoes w laces. I think in a way my body needs to be contained so I can focus on something? I’m not sure why I feel like that but i’ve learned to work w it. Putting on shoes for me helps because

1. I’m not distracted by what I’m putting my bare feet on (i cannot stand wearing socks unless im wearing shoes so yes bare feet)

2. I’m not getting distracted by my floor n the fact that hey maybe i should sweep bc there are some crumbs sticking to my feet now.

And 3. You put on shoes when you are going to go outside and go somewhere. It’s like putting pyjamas on to go to bed, you’re brain associates those items with doing something, so putting on shoes can signal to your brain hey we are doing something now, and that something is work.

Talk to your teachers !! I understand sometimes you have a teacher from hell and honestly idk what to tell you at that point but in a lot of cases teachers can be very understanding !! The amount of support I’ve gotten from my teachers this year is absolutely insane and 100% the only thing that made it so I didn’t get kicked out of college. Like reaching out to your teachers shows that you care! if you have to take a mental health day sometimes let them know !! i would always let my teacher know that I really wanted to be in class but I just couldn’t handle it that day. They also can help connect you to resources you didn’t know about !

Look into what resources your school has !! I was talking about how next year is gonna go now that I’ve been diagnosed and such with my friend, and how I was gonna contact the DRC (disability resource center) and she didn’t know you could get support for having ADHD!! Like I know you can get extensions on due dates, attendance forgiveness, and even potentially note taking assistance when you have ADHD and talk to them. even if you are medicated it doesn’t 100% solve everything and there are still ways to get support! Whether its study groups, writing centers/support, tutoring, or even contacting your drc or whatever your school has, it can really help!! I’m definitely going to take advantage of these resources if I can next year !

Find a place outside you can go to clear your head (or have a mental breakdown)

I can’t even begin to count the amount of times i’ve been freaking out over something or stressed out of my mind and my room started to feel to stuffy and claustrophobic and i just needed to get OUT. try to make sure it’s somewhere safe and close that you can go to even at night. (maybe try to shoot a text to your best friend that you’re out and if you don’t let them know you’re home by a certain time to start raising alarm, your safety is the most important) I tend to like to be up high because i’m further away from people, and the streets and I’m closer to the sky.

My go to thinking/breakdown spot is the roof of the parking garage a block away. It has stairs that are easy access and the top levels are usually empty even during the day. It really helps me to just go out and listen to music and collect my thoughts sometimes. My head can start going a million directions at lightspeed and I need to stop and be present, and being outside helps. It’s a good way to regroup.

Spend 10 minutes picking up your desk/work space. I tend to let my room get cluttered and messy and out of control a lot, to the point where I know it’s going to take at least a couple hours to get it clean again. It is also hard to focus when you’re in a messy environment. I would stress myself out and be like “well i HAVE to clean my whole room because I can’t focus if my space isnt clean I cant start until I clean” and then I would put all of my productive energy into cleaning, and get maybe halfway done before burning out and going to bed.

You’re never going to get any work done if you keep in this mindset. So instead just spend 10 minutes picking up the garbage off your desk, put the dishes in the kitchen, and put things back in their place. Then you will have enough space to work on your assignment and that space will be free of clutter so it won’t be as stressful.

DRINK WATER DRINK WATER DRINK WATER

Have a water bottle in front of you when you’re studying/in class. I get fidgety a lot when i’m in class/studying (thank u adhd) and so having a water bottle is a way for me to fidget I guess? Depending on the water bottle, you have little steps you have to do to drink that help u fidget,

for example: pick it up, take off the lid, drink, put the lid back on, set it down.

Or pick up, push button that opens drink hole (?), set back down.

When I have a water bottle on my desk it satisfies my need to do something with my body and comes with the bonus of staying hydrated, without me having to lose focus doing something else. Also you won’t get distracted by a sore throat or the realization that you are really thirsty.

Pay attention to why you’re not paying attention. Not everything that works for me is going to work for you, so you have to figure out what works for you. I started to notice that I would be uncomfortable or feel funny working when I was in baggy clothes and that helped me figure out I needed to wear real people clothes. If you find yourself getting distracted, take note of what is distracting you. maybe try literally making a list of things that distract you, so then you can identify patterns and how to combat them !

That’s all I have for now, I hope some of these could maybe help? All of these have helped me actually complete an assignment occasionally, and somehow keep my ass in college. I just want to say that my experience is my own and things that work for me aren’t going to work on every one. college can be really tough, especially your first year when you’re trying to figure everything out. I may not have all the answers but feel free to shoot me a message!! i’m here for you if you want to ramble about an assignment you’re fed up with or a teacher you hate or anything thats bothering you !! Everyone’s college (and life) experience is different so don’t feel bad if yours doesn’t look the same as the people around you ! Remember to take care of yourselves !!!

Have a good day :)

#mine #study tips #college tips #study advice #adhd tips #?#studyblr #study #bullet journal #bujo #dark academia #light academia #I'm fucking trying academia #notes #muji #college advice #idk how to tag #i hope these kinda sorta make sense lol

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ughgclden · 3 years

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bee, love, don’t apologise, please, it’s okay, and first and foremost, are you alright?? i hope you’re taking care of yourself, love, but i understand, i don’t think there’s been a year since third grade that i haven’t gotten pneumonia in the winter. I hope you’re feeling alright!!

honestly, dead poets society is one of my only personality traits anymore, i find myself drawing parallels to it constantly, for no reason but i love thinking about it. i’ve watched it so many times at this point, it’s,,, concerning. those tests always take me way less time than they give me, and i used to feel really awkward, i remember i took a bio one once, four hours they gave me, 45 minutes in, i was finished, and the moderator didn’t believe me. i aced it too, like the silly little neil kinnie i am. i’ve gotten used to the ‘worse’ side of being a neil kinnie, and honestly, now that my mum isn’t as controlling about everything as she used to be, it’s easier to deal with. i remember once, i’d gotten an 89 in algebra, and she threatened to pull me out of the fall show. that was a neil perry moment if i ever had one lol. the biggest thing these days is just imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome like oh you’re not hispanic enough, but also, you’re not queer enough, nonbinary enough, things like that. It’s exacerbated some days, but i try.

i watched the it movies on my cousin’s hbo,,, i may or may not have used it without her permission since she forgot to log out of my computer, but that’s neither here nor there. i remember having such a hard time taking the first one seriously initially, because of all the new kids on the block jokes, having a mum who was obsessed with them made it hard, especially when i actually got them all- in truth, the only midnight premiere i’ve been able to make was the force awakens, and i had school the next day too. i’m definitely a richie kinnie, and i have the internalised homophobia (only towards myself though) to prove it /hj my waterbottle has both a sticker of neil on it and a sticker of the r + e carving on it. in case there was any doubt about me lmao. stan kin makes sense for you, honestly, i can see it, i can see it.

okay so listen- no really, i’d bought them with the intention of only drinking half of one that night and spreading them out like that, but then came 9:45pm, and i had a research paper (on womens’ pockets/lack thereof) due at 10am that i simply hadn’t even started, so i downed them all in an hour and got the paper turned in at 5:56 in the morning. but i scare you huh? /hj bee, you’re too sweet, in truth, i’m fairly inelegant, but i try, as for the comforting and cosy, i’ll take you at your word, since that is something only someone interacting with me could discern. i do try to be kind to others for the most part. mainly i think because i’m usually on the other end of mean people.

i’m just perceptive like that bee, i dunno what to tell you, something just tells me, you know? /j and thank you, i always feel a little silly talking about it, because most of the tattoos i want are dead poets society tattoos, i guess some part of me, within the part of me that feels so incredibly tied to it, feels as if if i were able to get a tattoo i’d owe it to the movie in some way, if that makes any sense. i’ve already begged a friend of mine to go with me to get my first once i get to new york, the question though, is what to get first. i’ve got time to make a decision (for once in my life) i just spend a lot of time thinking about it.

honestly, i have never known a school rule to make sense. banning ripped jeans? banning dyed hair? it’s almost as if if they don’t stifle everything natural about kids expressing themselves they dont feel like they’re doing anything. but i digress. the same-sex couple rules were. awful. 12 year old me had enough going on without having an administrator yell at my friend and i for hugging in the courtyard and not leaving until we were a foot apart, but hey.

okay, jumping over a fence to go to a mcdonalds? how coming of age indie movie manic pixie dream girl of you /hj

200k words, is that a challenge? also ahaha not at all like my italian uncle up there just opened a ‘pizzeria’ /hj but mob!star au? might be a project i should start… granted, i’m not as good a storyteller as you, but i can try.

when i was little, i wanted to revolutionise things, i guess. i even actually wrote out a campaign, i wonder if its still somewhere. thank you for believing in me, but these days, bee, i’m thinking less about changing the world, and more about making it the next few weeks, and then the ones after that. little star was aware of so much, but also so little. i wonder what they’d think of me now, honestly.

i did, in fact, teach archery, it was so fun but my arms got SO SORE, and the kid who challenged my archery skills seemed surprised when i actually,, hit the bullseyes. my inner susan was happy then. incidentally the experience is also why i made a playlist called “touchstarved and wanting to teach you to shoot a bow” which low-key slaps when i’m lonely. and bee omg i cannot believe you said im better than susan pevensie i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life thank you- and yes, yes it was named aslan, however did you guess? /j prince caspian<33333

i’ll let you know my results from the tournament, as soon as they come out, and i say this having just put on pjs after taking off my suit, and sitting in the room with my cat in my dear evan hansen hoodie, frantically refreshing the results page because i’m anxious and impatient.

i hope you have a good night, with fitful and restful sleep, i’m sorry this got to be so long, but you know me, i certainly can talk. i’m honestly shocked i even made it to finals, considering i was running off four hours of sleep, having gone to bed at three last night. whoops.

all my love, hugs, and a warm mug of tea,

yours,

star✨

p.s i said yes so that?? happened?? it honestly feels surreal but we’re not gonna be in the same place anymore come the end of this year, so that’ll be something to deal with

P.p.s might just start adding spanish or latin or russian phrases to these if i keep having to translate your cute french bee /lh /hj

star my love, i know you said don't apologise, but i think the word 'sorry' makes up about 60% of my vocabulary. i'm okay!! was just a bit icky, but luckily i've recovered now!!

that's so nice - and again, makes so much sense for you. i think you would work perfectly in welton, i know it. i love bringing the messages from that film into my own life, as silly as it may sound. i'm astonished, and so fucking jealous of you. i used to finish tests maybe half an hour early, but hours is so impressive??? fun fact i did finish my physics final in about 45 minutes and slept for the other hour <3 neil would b proud my love!!! oh my god - i'm so sorry that happened??? but that is also so neil kinnie??? it seems futile me saying this, but i assure you that you are hispanic enough, and queer enough, and non-binary enough. you are enough, period. more than enough even. imposter syndrome is the worst, and i'm so so sorry you're dealing with it.

she did that to herself, you just saw an opportunity /lh a midnight premiere of the force awakens sounds so cute though omg - i hope you had the absolute best time. the r + e carving actually broke me. as a die hard reddie shipper since 2017, seeing the movie make it basically canon?! had me a mess in the cinema.

you are ridiculously comforting and cosy, everything about you feels like a warm hug from a familiar face and i love it. and the way you write is so smooth, it makes me think of a quill smoothly gliding across parchment, the deep black ink unsmudged and pristine. that seems a little pretentious of me, but oh well.

i also want some dps tattoos!! i desperately want "and still we sleep" from todd's poem, and was also so so tempted to get an outline drawing of meeks + pitts dancing on the roof. i love that, and i can't wait until the day you get it, whichever one it may be. my one concern is becoming addicted to them and making my bank account suffer - at least my piercing obsession is a little easier to fund /hj

i've NEVER gotten that - they claim it's 'distracting' but how on earth would it be?? when i got to college, no one was distracted by my dyed hair, and i certainly wasn't distracted by other people's outfits or painted nails. you were yelled at. for hugging. a friend.. what the fuck is wrong with these people??

just call me ramona flowers star /j it was possibly the highlight of my school career, sans hiding in the back room of the music room to avoid a maths test

i bet you're an amazing storyteller, if these letters are anything to go by. it would be a new york times best seller, i know it

we all have to take things one step at a time, i think. that's the only way i really get through things if i'm honest. one day after another and the cycle repeats. i love wondering what young me would think of me now - i'd probably be intimidated of myself, but i like to think i'd be proud that i'm still here, pursuing something i love

that playlist. sounds nothing short of sheer perfection. i too am touch starved and want to teach someone to shoot a bow - even though i.. cannot shoot a bow... but i can wield a sword so, it's close enough.

i saw your message about the tournament results - im so fucking proud of you!!!! you deserve it so so much and i couldn't be happier for you. see, your words and ideas are changing the world, even if you don't realise it.

ps; that is so fun???? omg im so happy for you star, you deserve tis <33 i hope towards the end of this year whatever happens leaves you both happy, no matter how far the distance.

pps; omg no.. please don't do that.. aha that would be awful... definitely wouldn't make my heart race.. haha not at all

all of my love, star. pardon the pun, but you are out of this world ;) i'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes;

il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé <3

#asks <3 #anon asks!#star anon #long post

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courage-a-word-of-justice · 3 years

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Maou-jou 9 - 12 (FINAL) | Idolish7 s2 10 - 15 (FINAL) | SLS 2

I’ve been holding off new seasonals because of other things, but after I post this I’ll have enough time to get around to them. That’s why I can’t guarantee winter 2021 seasonal tags on this post...maybe the next one will have them...

Maou-jou 9

…it seems shopping channels even are the same in the demon world.

Now even the demons have quests! (The frame is different to the princess’s, though.)

Oh! The quest failed.

Neo Alraune: in flower language, “the 2nd coming of happiness”. The worry from a little while ago was, “I’m worried about my brother.” The worry from recently: “I didn’t think about being happy that the princess didn’t kill my brother.”

The penguin demons are pretty cute!

Don’t you know how parents forbid children from sleeping until they finish all their homework? Must be something like that.

Yoku ganbarimashita! – Syalis worked hard!

LOL, mental age: 3. Poseidon likes cute things…I can’t read a lot of this…the hardsubs cover the JPN text.

They…both succeeded! (…LOL?)

Maou-jou 10

Owarinocity = Endopolis. It’s a good equivalent, if I do say so myself.

…oh yeah. What happened to Alraune? Update: There she is!

Also, that blonde guy in the infomercials doesn’t look too bad…*makes chef’s kiss gesture with one hand* Nice.

I wonder, was Twilight once human…?

LOL, there’s a goat symbol on the cleric’s pyjamas. Also “first time”, LOL.

I think they were playing shiritori at one point.

Hanamaru saikou yoku dekimashita!

Maou-jou 11

…How does one “sleep cheerfully”, anyway?

I think I saw Twilight drop something…some kind of paper…

Aw, Twilight blushing is kinda cute!

LOL, 70s shoujo style. Also, “It cannot be!”

Whoa, she cancelled it?!

I read up on this series on TV Tropes…and apparently the Demon King captured the Princess in her sleep.

Kagemusha? Like a ninja or something?

Apparently the Demon Cleric is much older than he looks.

Ooh! Hypnos is back!

A-whatsit really is abysmal levels of stupid!!! (LOL)

Maou-jou 12 (FINAL)

Who’s that one tiny guy occupying one of the Ten Kings’ seats?

*watching after Christmas, about a week after the anime finished* This is not seasonally appropriate!

…*thinks for a second, then spits* That’s the 2nd Nemu in the fall 2020 season!!!

Ooh, the head paladin doesn’t look that bad, either.

“…is it good to be…”

“…has seized the princess!”

“…that demon king is rather cute.” – See? Someone agrees with me.

Anyways, that was a fun series. See you soon!

Idolish7 s2 10

…Back at it after so long…(I can’t help it though – Crunchyroll, per month, is about double the local Funimation sublicensor’s fees, and for much less content that’s worth my money to boot!)

I’ve always thought Momo was like Sasara (HypMic), so seeing him anguished hurts me in the kokoro too…

I know Banri was involved with Re:vale somehow…this must be it.

…Male idols are also popular among men? Is this why there are 8 (!!!) idol anime in winter 2021 alone…? (Also, that’s why HypMic became popular? Multidemographic appeal crossed over with obvious merchandising opportunities?)

It’s kind of scary how Momo stepped the formality towards Yuki like that (to -san).

I guess in his heart Momo still reveres Yuki, some way or another.

The rakugo curtain really sold the moment that they (current Re:vale) were acting like an old married couple.

Yay! Silver Sky is such a cool song! Of course I recognised the intro when it came on.

…I see. The elder Kujo is entrusting his dream to Tenn, so that’s why he banned Aya from seeing Tamaki. However, it’s hard to know what to feel when Aya speaks in the vaguest terms possible.

I think that was a special ending for only this episode. I don’t know what its name is, but I guess I might recognise it on Spotify one day.

Idolish7 s2 11

LOL, Nagi’s reaction.

Considering the ‘rona is getting worse outside our very windows as we speak (type?), I think it’s correct to be concerned about your future right now.

Looking at these narrow streets reminds me of going to eat hotpot at the end of my Japan trip…only Japanese streets look like that, I think. Hong Kong’s streets are more crowded than that and America likes their suburbia.

Of course, when you say hajimemashite (nice to meet you), someone’s gotta say it back, hence the reply.

Considering there are people all over the world watching the Idolish7 anime, I would say you are telling the world about I7, Riku.

Oh! Restart Pointer! There was an MV for that one…I think it was around the time Idolish7’s MVs started getting better.

So this is the context around the new outfits! Cool!

There have been way too many puns about “idol” being…y’know, “ai (love) doll” and stuff like that…

I have one Twitter person who I follow (DejiNyucu, part of the creative team for Autumn’s Journey) because I don’t get much I7 content and they keep mentioning this “Haruki” person…and suddenly a “Haruki the Betrayer” showed up in the graffiti…they might be the same person, I think. Not Deji, but Haruki. Update: Sakura Haruki, perhaps…?

Sougo’s such a bad liar…

Sometimes, the best way to deal with things is to be direct…(I’m not very good at that, I naturally talk in a very roundabout sort of way.)

Sougo with long hair like Yuki would be really pretty… (<- has an obvious thing for guys with long hair)

Idolish7 s2 12

Nagi’s stupid accent is generally what he’s best remembered for (for me), so seeing him speak normally, and do a press conference on top of that, is…impressive.

A kabedon on top of all this! Whoa!

Shibuya 109 parody…? (I’ve seen that once or twice – parodying that means people know their stuff about Shibuya.)

I think the “it’s overflowing!” is referring to the hype in the “room”.

…this dejected Momo is worrying…(well, he is worrying and I am worrying about him.)

Oh, I see. The person responsible typed the letter so that they couldn’t be traced back. Kind of like those old movies where the culprit would cut letters out of newspapers to make threat mail, but…with even less traces than that, because cutting letters out leaves evidence.

…wow, it took a while for this ep. to have an intro…

…LOL, I just spotted Kenjiro Tsuda cited as the “fake Zero”, meaning the real one might never show up this season.

There’s something really stupid and infectious about these managers’ enthusiasm for drinking energy drinks. It puts a goofy smile on my face.

Is Musubi Tsumugi’s mother…? Update: Yes, she is.

…Wait, so the Chiba Shizuo guy is actually important?!

Idolish7 s2 13

Whenever someone says “by the way”, it means they’re changing the subject. I hate to state to obvious, but Sougo is clearly deflecting the topic of conversation from being about him.

I wonder if this guy (Haw9) is the actual Zero graffiti vandal…?

Hmph, I didn’t realise Tenn doesn’t refer to Kujo-san as his father, but…like that (“Kujo-san”) instead.

Oh hey! These are shots from Vibrato!

Most dramas can be solved with the power of Good Communication. That includes this one.

I feel like “he has a dark side” describes both Tenn and Kujo-san.

“Everyone, remember to wash your hands and gargle thoroughly.” – This is always a good thing to remember in the time of ‘rona. Reminds me of Jakurai’s line in ARB (<- this game started just after the ‘rona came down).

What did Sougo go to uni for (what specialisation)?

Idolish7 s2 14

I just realised Banri calls Momo -kun. Hmm…

Denki = electricity, LOL.

I feel like Tenn is basically Ramuda, give or take actual pink hair…guys in musical groups with pre-existing angst that they become the “centre” of. The fact Fling Posse have Saito Soma and so do Trigger strengthens the connection.

I would watch the heck out of a musical like that! Make it come true, Idolish7! (Also, today is I7 day! I’m not much of an I7 fan outside the anime, but…that’s cool!)

That shot of them jumping! I remember seeing it on the official site before!

Idolish7 s2 15 (FINAL)

There you go! I was wondering where Banri’s injury was – that was the only bit that didn’t add up for him to be Yuki’s old partner.

Hmm…Momo is 4 years younger than Yuki but 2 years younger than Banri…

This episode has a real concert vibe to it, to the point where I got startled by how loud the yell was at one point. (Even if it is mostly stills.)

LOL, lookit Okazaki!

Apparently, if you’re a hako oshi, you like all the members of a group. Someone with a green light and a pink light likes both members of Re:vale.

LOL, Usagi for Asahi beer.

…I forgot Nagi is 19.

…Ooh, I think that’s the kid from ZOOL. No wonder they needed a season 3!

That’s all. See you next time!

SLS 2

“fine and upstanding person” – That’s…hard to believe, Hayato.

I wonder how many bois Toboso designed for SLS…?

…The episode title is actually “Blank”. Not “Break”.

One of the guys’ shirts says moteki on it. That’s a period in one’s life where one enjoys more romantic attention than usual, literally “popularity season”.

The subs missed an I, so initially I knew Kiriyama’s name as “Kiryama”.

There are meant to be 2 wings, right…?

“He who controls information controls everything, right?” – For once, I’m surprised Hayato is right (and not just in that smug way of his).

“…I’m being treated like a manager.” – But Hayato is a manager! (In a sense.)

The plait guy jumps to nicknames really fast…also, why do I get the feeling Maeshima will lose the key?

I hate to say this Maeshima, but I side with your childhood friend (Kiriyama) here. As much as the anime wants me to back you, I’m watching for everyone else at this point.

That blocky building looks pretty cool. I think Zel (Archi-Anime) would like it.

Sasugai’s setup looks pretty cool, including his chair.

…hmm, Maeshima’s like me in a sense. I learn best by copying others, but memory is my best asset. If I don’t regularly train the fundamentals, I suck at everything. That said, I don’t have an eidetic memory. Also, I didn’t quite figure out Ken = Ken(sei Maeshima) until I watched long enough to connect the dots.

LOL, Derry’s. (<- reminded of a word for “butt” <- derriere)

Well, the guy’s (Souta…?) shirt does say moteki…

Kiriyama kinda looks like Jyuto (HypMic), come to think of it…Right down to his angry streak (although Jyuto has a reputation to keep as a “cool dude”, while Kiriyama is more of a Manza (Boueibu HK) and he’s more angry than he looks).

…This ED is nothing special.

…Hmm? Is that a small Terauchi and Maeshima…?

I think I’m sold for now, but I’m rooting for the other team, not Maeshima’s…not yet, anyways.

#simulcast commentary #skate-leading☆stars #idolish7 #Idolish7 Second Beat!#Maou-jou de Oyasumi #sleepy princess in the demon castle #Chesarka watches I7 #Chesarka watches Maou-jou

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matildainmotion · 3 years

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Extreme Times, Transitions and Your Extreme Powers for 2021

This time last year I wrote a piece entitled ‘An Encouraging Blog about Despair’ – this was in early January, before the pandemic. My son loves that moment in a story when someone says, “Well, at least things can’t get any worse,” and then, right on cue, a whole lot of worse-ness happens. This year I am not going to attempt to be encouraging – I think we need something else, to match the gravity and uncertainty of the times, that recognises all the worse-ness that has happened. But what? Right now I am not sure. Let me see if I can write my way to find it.

The thing that has saved my sanity through the year has been the working on and writing of a novel. It has kept me sane but also driven me mad, but at least it has been my madness, of my own making as opposed to the world’s. It has been astonishingly difficult. Often, I have felt more articulate about the toughness of the process, than about the story I am trying to tell. The images I have used to describe it have included marathon running, mountaineering, white-water rafting and tightrope walking. I am struck by the extremity of these metaphors. I have done none of these things in real life, and yet I have had a visceral sense of their accuracy. Most of my writing has taken place where I am now, crouched on the children’s bedroom floor. I do not look like I am engaged in anything wild or dangerous, but I like the idea that both my making and my mothering – activities that are often seen as domestic, docile – are in fact extreme sports.

Photo credit: Viola Depcik, as part of the online exhibition: Portraits in Motherhood and Making during lockdown.

For now, I have come off the mountain of the book. Come January I will set about editing it – an attempt to turn the manuscript into something someone might actually want to read. This morning, I am in a moment of transition. What to write in the dark bedroom, before the children wake? Christmas wish lists and new year’s resolutions are the traditional seasonal texts, but I notice I have two counter impulses to these – two very different lists I want to write.

The first is not a wish list, but a list of the unwished-for. A backwards-looking list of some of the worse-ness of the year, not as a plea for sympathy, empathy, not out of a need to confess, or because I am looking for advice, but because it feels important to name it. In these last months, on those precious trips out of the house, I have had many two-metres-apart exchanges of the “How are you doing?” kind. “Okay. We’re surviving,” I reply, and then come away, with my groceries in hand, my mask hanging round my neck, feeling desolate, surprised that I should feel it so deeply, when I was not expecting any more from the exchange. I think it is because I want to lay bare the utter ugliness of the year, like when you pull the fridge out and expose the amazing accumulation of dirt underneath. I know that we have been lucky, so when I list some of our un-wished for times, I do it in full recognition that others have had it worse, much worse.

Here is a selection of my unwished-for list:

Easter – everyone in the house either shouting or crying or both. Still ill. My husband and son red in the face. My mother and daughter, white.

Then the times – more than one -when my son, who is on the autistic spectrum, needed a play fight, to channel the aggression he displays when he feels threatened (and a threat may be as slight as a joke he did not understand, a small change of plan). I offer to fight him, and as I face him, hold his wrists, the energy in his body, but also in mine, is far from playful.

A recent one - a double meltdown – my daughter screaming whilst we are Xmas shopping because she and I cannot remember something I said three days ago about her and a bauble she was hanging on the tree. Meanwhile it is raining. She is refusing to wear a coat. She runs away from me, up the pavement, beside a busy road, whilst my son, who cannot bear loud noise, lays down on the concrete and puts his hands over his ears. I am caught between the two of them – one on the run, the other on the ground. Masked people watching me, the rain coming down, the dark coming on.

Three in the morning and no one is screaming or sobbing but me – the children are sleeping peacefully, and I am not.

There is an edge to this – it is allowed to be hard, but it feels dangerous to expose the difficult details. It has not all been like this, but I do not want to sweep these times aside and hurry on. So I set them down, one by one, on the page. Then I can begin list number two.

This is a list not of changes I resolve to make in the new year, but ones that came on their own, and are ongoing, unresolved. A list of the transitions already underway. Because these arrive unbidden, this is a list of the moments when I understood that change is happening:

When I find I cannot read the instructions on the side of the ‘stuffing mix’ and I realise I need reading glasses.

When my period is two weeks late one month, and two weeks early the next. The skin on my eyelids grows dry. I read this too can be a symptom of the perimenopause.

When my daughter is at last weening (shhhh, don’t tell her, or she will object) and her favourite game is to play at being a ‘dumb baby’ who cannot remember where its mummy’s boobies are. She runs about the room, looking behind bookshelves and under covers, until eventually the baby realises that the boobies and the milk are on its mother’s chest. She does not want the milk now, she wants to play at being the silly baby, because she is turning into such a competent ‘medium big girl’ (her current definition of her size).

When my mother (granny) no longer wants to cook meals for us, but would rather that I cook for her.

When my son starts to grow a greater awareness of his separateness to me and I find him in tears one night because earlier in the day he heard The Beatles song “She’s Leaving Home” and grew afraid that this might happen to him – that he would leave one day, leaving only a note behind.

When my husband and I realise we are going to need to move again, find somewhere we both want to be, to settle, where we can grow older.

When the children wait for snow, go out keen to find the ice on top of puddles to crack and splinter, but the winter stays mild, wet.

And then there is the ‘transition period’ the whole of the UK is supposed to be undergoing, moving out of the EU, whether we like it or not. Lorries, stationary, but in long lines of transit, waiting to cross the border. And then there are the transitions- endless- from one tier to another to try to control the virus.

I think of others’ transitions too, of friends, and friends of friends: people waiting for a baby to be born; waiting for a loved one to recover, or die; transitions of age, gender, status.

What to do in response to these unchosen changes? I almost admire my daughter’s wish to fight them. Her maxim is not ‘to keep calm and carry on,’ but rather to keep screaming, whilst being carried. I am impressed by the volume of rage in her four-year-old frame as she attempts to stop things:

“You have to stop the car now,” she cries from the back seat, when we are in the middle of the road, “Right now. You have to do it. You have to, you have to, you have to…Mummy stop! Now! You have to stop!” It is a work-out of the will that can go on for hours and which leaves us both exhausted. It is extreme, and it makes me think back to the extreme metaphors for which I found myself reaching in trying to describe my writing process with the novel.

I counsel her in acceptance, but I recognise my own desire to scream against the times, to stop the world. Perhaps I need to flip things round - to harness the power of the scream, even as I accept the ways things are. Often I think of acceptance as passive, equanimity as cool and quiet. But I am not sure balance, as figured in this way, is the right metaphor for our times. The feat of balancing required now is that done by the tightrope walker, cliff face climber, white-water rafter – an athletic equanimity, a muscular form of acceptance that takes all our might, all our will.

Maybe it is time to reclaim the male image of the superhero. I like the way in the film of The Incredibles, the superheroic is recognised as a form of divergence from the norm, a daring difference, how the super ability can become a disability if the surrounding culture judges it as such. The image helps me to see my differences as potential superpowers.

A third and final list then comes to mind, a forwards-looking one, that might support me through the transitions of this time, and on into 2021 – a list of my extreme powers. If it comes to needing to grow food, hunt, light fires – wilderness survival skills – I will be useless, but I can do the following:

I can survive on little sleep.

I can hold onto the thread of a creative project or conversation through multiple interupptions and across many days.

I can imagine disaster, very fast, in almost any situation.

I can mother two intense children, both often awake till midnight.

I can name the elephant in any room.

I can write a novel in the hour per day when my children are watching TV (this is a slight exaggeration - when school was happening I had a little more time, but on a list like this you are allowed to exaggerate).

That’s it for now. I do not think we need to know or understand how our superpowers, our athletic abilities, can be put to good use. I do not think it is our job to calculate this, but rather only to keep in training. Ready. Skills honed. And also to notice, name and honour one another’s skills. I think I should write a list of my children’s superpowers too. As I write this, the children have woken and my husband is now showing my daughter the trailer for the latest Wonder Woman movie. My daughter likes her outfits, especially the golden bracelets. A glittering dress sense will be on my daughter’s list of wondrous powers.

The other day my husband shared with me a quote, from a Hopi leader in the year 2000, which seems relevant to my three lists as 2021 begins:

“There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore…..The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water. And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate.”

Writing a novel has felt like white water rafting, but actually being alive right now feels like that too. This year I offer, not encouragement amidst despair, but something more extreme - a call to arms, to your arms, my arms, arms that can carry children, stir soups, make stories - superhero arms strong enough, not to grip, but to let go of the shore. Mid river as we are, I want to celebrate each other’s extreme, extraordinary abilities. So, tell me your lists: the list of things you did not wish for, the list of changes underway, unresolved, and then the list of the superpowers you are hiding, honing, as we are swept along. What powers, however ordinary, bizarre, or seemingly superfluous, do you have to offer?

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marshmallowgoop · 4 years

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Brand New Animal...

So, the last few episodes of BNA: Brand New Animal dropped on Netflix Japan last week. I was initially really hyped for this anime—I devoted several hours of my life to translating and summarizing the Winter 2020 Otomedia interview concerning it—so I intended to write a lot more about the series, especially upon a wider release.

But having now seen every episode, this is another Kiznaiver and Darling in the Franxx for me. There’s a lot of potential, and I was incredibly invested at the start, but the narrative quickly goes directions and makes decisions that don’t sit well with me at all.

For those interested in BNA, my (mostly?) spoiler-free opinion is that it’s visually beautiful (especially in regards to its colors), but the story feels scattered, and there’s so little time devoted to positive interactions among the leads that their friendships fall flat. Further, speaking as a very character-oriented person, I finished this anime annoyed at the entire main cast. Their growth comes across as dissatisfying and undeserved.

Of course, it is more than worth noting that my understanding of Brand New Animal is indeed limited at this point; I don’t have much of a grasp on Japanese, there are no official English translations yet, and I watched with Japanese subtitles. (At least until episode 12. While there are thankfully subtitles available now, there weren’t when I watched, which is a huge disappointment in terms of accessibility.)

I recognize that my feelings may very well change if I have a better sense of everything that’s being said. But given what I do know, I—at least at the moment—have no desire to rewatch this series. I’m always open to requests to talk about BNA, but I don’t think I’ll be blogging much about it otherwise.

All that said, I do want to share some spoiler thoughts under the cut. As my sister noted, I am “very upset about this furry anime.”

First things first: I cannot stand Nazuna. I’m sorry. I think it’d probably be too much to say that she soured the whole show for me, but she definitely comes close.

Now, I got a (minor) degree in Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies, so, yes, I can’t help but wonder if my strong negative feelings are related to sexism. Would I feel so strongly if there were a man in Nazuna’s place? There’s been a lot of investigating myself these last few days, let me tell you.

Still, I can’t say I know the answers. But I do have some Thoughts that are maybe best illustrated with another anime I’ve started watching lately: My Hero Academia.

Do note that I’m only on Season 2, but there are also characters I strongly dislike so far in My Hero—characters who are arguably much worse than Nazuna, as far as their actions and behavior go. Bakugo is an angry, abusive bully, while Mineta sexually harasses women. I hate both of them, but—especially regarding Bakugo—it’s a different kind of hate than what I feel for Nazuna.

Why? Well, I won’t deny the possibility that sexism plays a role, but there’s also a profound difference in how these characters are treated by their stories. Bakugo initially gets away with his bad attitude, but upon coming to high school, he’s a pariah. He’s called out for being a jerk, time and time again. Mineta, similarly, is not adored for his actions. These aren’t nice dudes, and the narrative makes this point clear. Regarding Bakugo, I hate him, but it’s not exactly a bad kind of hate. Because I hate him, I’m rooting even harder for Deku to prove him wrong.

But what about Nazuna? She pretends to be another culture’s god, but much of BNA seems dedicated to treating her as a poor victim who was manipulated into manipulating others and needs to be rescued. While Nazuna’s situation is indeed a frightening one that I don’t at all intend to make light of, episode 6 makes abundantly clear that this girl adores masquerading as a goddess and fails to see any moral problem in tricking thousands of people into believing that she’s their savior.

And that, to me, is absolutely horrendous. Nazuna is not in kindergarten. She is not a small child still in the preoperational stage of development. She is an older teenager. I find it disconcerting to paint her as someone in a rough place who was simply desperate for love when she pointedly relishes her false godhood because it makes her feel like an idol. That is so unbelievably gross and disrespectful.

Of course, Nazuna truly doesn’t see what she’s doing as wrong, and I recognize that she is young. In the end, as I hope the Bakugo example highlights, my issues are really less about Nazuna herself and more about how she’s written and depicted. Just as there’s nothing inherently despicable about portraying a smug, selfish teenage boy in a cartoon, there’s nothing inherently despicable about portraying a smug, selfish teenage girl in another cartoon. But while Deku and Bakugo were also past friends just as Michiru and Nazuna, Deku never defends Bakugo’s awful behavior as Michiru does for Nazuna.

And that bothers me. Michiru—our protagonist and so the person viewers are pushed to empathize most with—never really seems to grasp just how disgusting Nazuna’s actions are. More importantly, neither does Nazuna herself. She’s instantly forgiven, and her dream comes true seemingly without any apology or understanding of wrong whatsoever.

Brand New Animal is filled to the brim with social commentary, but one message that stood out to me actually has nothing to do with the human/animal-human conflict. It’s instead that this cute girl never has to face the consequences of her actions because she’s cute.

I know, I know. This is some pretty over-the-top negativity. But I was so excited for this series. Especially considering the ending conflict around being “mixed” and “purebred,” I felt like BNA was an opportunity for writer Kazuki Nakashima to more thoroughly explore concepts he wanted to examine in Kill la Kill but didn’t because a talking outfit just ain’t gonna garner the same amount of sympathy as cute animal-humans. With my recent(ish) Wolf Children posting in mind, I also love that Brand New Animal ultimately pushes for diversity instead of away from it as I feel that film does, even if there are some... unfortunate implications along the way (that I don’t know if I’m personally capable of analyzing).

But 12 episodes simply couldn’t do this show justice. I’m supposed to care for a girl who calls being an animal-human a “disease” and never seems to really reconcile with how messed up that is? I’m supposed to care for a man who dismembers others in the name of “honor” and never seems to really reconcile with how messed up that is? I’m supposed to hope that two friends/lovers get back together when one is rude and dismissive towards the other for the majority of the show, and the other idolizes her and overlooks her truly terrible misdeeds?

Maybe I just don’t get it. Maybe I missed something (or a lot of things). But there is so much here that gets resolved too quickly or never receives the full exploration it deserves. As I said in the start, characters fall flat, their friendships fall flatter, and any good themes or messages that I do recognize in the series hardly impact me because the rushed development of the players soured my positive feelings for them.

I would have loved to see Michiru acknowledge that she’s in love with someone who does bad things. I would have loved a heart-to-heart where she admits this to Shirou, where he then admits that in his long life, there have been times when he’s been in the same boat. I would have loved to see Nazuna truly question her actions, where her declaration that she’s Nazuna instead of a cult leader actually means something because she’s recognized that she’s been wrong and is ready to be loved for herself, not someone she’s not. I would have loved to see a moment where Michiru expresses to Shirou that he shouldn’t control his violent tendencies for her approval but because it’s simply the right thing to do. The list goes on and on.

At the end of the day, I can admit my own garbage tastes. Bakugo is apparently the most popular My Hero character, and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else express such a harsh opinion regarding Nazuna’s portrayal in BNA. Episode 5 of the show (with the baseball) seems to be its most adored entry, but I thought little of it. My favorite things in anime—and what I’m specifically looking forward to in Studio Trigger anime—are maybe anomalies.

But, gosh. I really wanted to love this.

#shut up goop #ramblings #negative #spoilers #bna spoilers #brand new animal #bna: brand new animal #bna #sorry for the flaming hot take but hopefully this doesn't show up in tags #just wanted to say why i wouldn't be really blogging about bna but it got out of hand

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hey-hey-chan · 5 years

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Ice Queen - Hyunjin

❀ Slice of Life/angst + some lighthearted and funny moments

❀ Word count: 7.1 K

❀ It’s December, meaning the winter formal is right around the corner. You happen to be the head of leadership, meaning it’s your job to set everything up, and making everything perfect. Of course, you are unable to do so with a certain boy who keeps telling you to show emotion, to let down your controlling ways- not with people, but with life. Will you finally let down your guard and become vulnerable or will you build your walls even higher?

❀ WARNING: mentions of death

❀ A/N: this... this turned out differently than I imagined... i really like the ice queen/winter formal concept. maybe i’ll write something similar... and less angsty LMFAO

ALSO I changed the point of view of the character, so I’m now trying out writing in second person !! so pls excuse if there are any POV changes (I probs messed up oml) or if there are any tense errors ;-; would LOVE to hear feedback on whether you prefer second or first (my normal pov) person more!!

------

The whole school looked like a winter wonderland. The halls were decorated with lights and colorful streamers and the windows had a white rim around all of them. A big fat tree was set in the middle of the school and had little ornaments drooping beside them.

Kids were smiling and taking pictures next to all the fabulous decorations, but unfortunately, you were not one of them.

Your hair was tied back in a slick ponytail and you had to brush back the small baby hairs that framed your face. As president of leadership, you had to do everything, meaning you set up the decorations with the help of little to nothing as well as think of the artwork that was plastered around the school.

“Finally, all done.” You whispered to yourself as you put the final poster about the winter formal above the cafeteria, even though everyone already knew about it.

“Great work with the decorations, y/n, the school looks so festive ever year.” A girl in your science class commented. You gave her a bright smile, one you had to master to look good and nice to your peers. “Aw, thank you so much!” The girl scurried away with her group of friends, leaving you to try and find your own.

“Wow, you set up the entire school by yourself... once again. How expected.” The familiar voice sent shivers down your spine in anger. You knew the boy was just trying to get on your nerves, and you wouldn’t let that happen.

You turned on your heels to face the vice president of the club, Hwang Hyunjin. The boy was wearing a casual sweater with black jeans, but you couldn’t help but scan his entire outfit; he was good eye candy.

You gave him a tight smile. “Well, if anyone else volunteered to help me, maybe I wouldn’t have to do it alone.” You tried to walk past him, but he kept up with your quick steps.

The boy scoffed and ruffled his fluffy hair. “Yeah, maybe people would volunteer if you weren’t such a neat freak and obsessed with control.” You kept walking and didn’t let his words bother you. It wasn’t the first time you’ve heard them and definitely not the last. “Why don’t you just chill out a bit and then have people help you? It’s seriously not that hard.”

At those words, you stopped to stare at the boy. “Hyunjin, I’m fine setting up the decorations by myself. And of course, I do have some help, but most of it is easy work. I like setting up the decorations, alone, when no one is here to help me.” You spoke honestly. You were in leadership, but you weren’t too fond of hanging around other people. You knew that everyone in leadership was fake, and even you were too-- it was just a part of the job.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “Well I didn’t ask what you liked. Other people in the club want to help do something as well and you can’t just do everything yourself since you have the decorations stored at your house.” You sighed and tightened the strings on your backpack.

“Um, I think it does mean I can set it up whenever I want to if most of the decorations are stored at my house.” You turned to walk up the stairs, knowing he had a class on the second floor. “No one has ever approached me, claiming they want to help me, so I would argue that everyone in the club is fine with how I run things.” You gave the boy a light wave. “Have fun in class.”

You gave him a fake smile, one you’ve practiced so hard in the mirror. As you turned away, you heard him mumble “ugh fake bitch,” leaving you to chuckle under your breath. You were used to that phrase as only Hyunjin called you it. It was annoying, but it didn’t really bother you as he was the only one who had a problem with you. The rest of the kids at school had thought you were fake, but they had no evidence to find you being mean so their rumors always faltered.

You sat down in your calculus class and tried not to think too much about the irritating boy.

----

There was a meeting for the winter formal after school. You were the first one to arrive, of course. You cleaned the white board and set out the markers you brought yourself.

“Wow, you’re here first, surprise surprise.” You tried hard not to roll your eyes at the boy.

“Yeah, I mean, my class is down the hall so.” You shrugged as you gave him a light smile. He didn’t give you one back.

“Or maybe you just can’t handle someone else starting the meeting or touching your precious whiteboard.” You bit down your lip so you wouldn’t snap, but to be honest, the boy sometimes just rubbed you the wrong way.

You set down the pens and crossed your arms. “Or, it’s because I am president, so I have to start the meetings and I do like to keep the white board clean and I like to bring my own markers. So what? I don’t see you doing anything to stop me.” You retorted while setting down your bag on the chair. Hyunjin had nothing to say to you as other students started to file in.

“Hey y/n, the decorations looking fresh this year.” You smiled at the underclassmen girl.

“Thanks so much! I love the way it turned out too.” As soon as most people were there, it was time to start the meeting. “Ok, so, topic of the meeting. Winter formal.” You sprawled the words on top in bright red, underlining it.

“So, any ideas? Decorations? Any fun surprises we should have? Anything.” You said as usual. This was a time just to get ideas out.

A boy in the back raised his hands. “Animals. We have a place for a petting zoo for the students and they can pay us five dollars each time they visit it. That’ll rack in the money!” He high-fived his friends who happened to be sophomores, just like him. You tried hard not to roll your eyes.

“Um, unfortunately, we cannot do that because there may be people allergic to the animals and if everyone is touching them, then of course their allergies will start to act up.” You frowned as if the idea was good in the first place. You glanced at your vice president.

“What she means is, that’s a dumb idea, Heejun.” Hyunjin mocked while twiddling his pencil in his hands. The boy glared at Hyunjin but others giggled at Hyunjin’s words. You both were popular in different ways.

“Moving on, any other ideas?” A junior girl raised her hand slowly and you gave her a gentle smile to egg her on. “Yes?”

The girl adjusted her glasses and fiddled with her long sleeves. “Um, I, um, so I was thinking, like since we need more money for other things throughout the year, I like Heejun’s idea of raising money. But instead, maybe we could have a photoshoot area for the students to come and take photos..? I mean I know I would want to make these memories last as long as possible if I were them.” You thought hard about her words, but you gave her a wide smile.

“I love it! Maybe we could even ask someone in the photography class to help us out with that.” You immediately gave a sheepish smile to Hyunjin, who happened to be the president of that club. He sighed and nodded. “I’ll get on that when I see all of them on Monday.” You nodded and continued the meeting.

Soon, the meeting came to an end as a couple of decoration ideas and food ideas kids had in mind. “Good job today you guys, this will turn out fantastic!” You cheered as the kids had bright smiles on their faces. Everyone hurried out, probably finishing their multiple projects, essays, and homework since it was almost winter break.

You saw Hyunjin was still packing up his bags and as he walked out of the door, you caught up to him. “Hey, Hyunjin.” The boy didn’t even turn around. You held in your yell at him and just kept up with his pace. “So, thank you for being willing to ask the photography club for us, that means a lot.” You thanked him. You hated being on his bad side, especially since he was the vice president of leadership.

He stopped walking and turned to face you finally. “You know, you can be fake to everyone else but me y/n. I’m not that important nor do I care for your compliments.” The boy was impossible, you couldn’t even compliment him with him being rude.

“I’m not being fake, I very much appreciate what you are doing but I guess do whatever you want with my thanks.” You turned to walk the other way but you felt him stare at you.

Usually you would never turn back, but you were curious to what he wanted to say. “What?” You barked. He raised a brow and said nothing for a few moments.

“Nothing, I was just trying to wonder how you would look if you were actually happy with what you were doing.” You felt your blood boil at his comment. Of course you were happy with being in leadership, you were president and a member for 3 years!

“Well that’s rude especially since you’re only in this class for it to look good on your college apps.” You snapped back. Hyunjin was the only person in this entire school who could ruffle your feathers. The boy gasped fakely and put his hand over his chest. You felt your anger pick up.

“Wow, are you trying to say we’re more alike than I thought? You wound me, y/n.” You rolled your eyes. “I like being in leadership, Hyunjin, it’s not just for a college app or anything.” You felt your voice pick up but you tried to keep it steady.

Hyunjin knew the effect he was having on you but he simply just laughed. “Really? You mean you like smiling at people and never getting mad at them and never putting down ideas simply because they’re stupid and idiotic?” Hyunjin scoffed at you and took a few steps towards you. “You’re like a fucking machine, you have zero emotions.”

Your anger was overrun by sadness as he said those words. But also, that was the goal you were trying to achieve: if you didn’t show emotion, no one could knock you down a peg... right?

“I have plenty of emotions.” The words came out of your mouth, but even they seemed frail in your ears. The boy picked up on the small emotion, but if he noticed, he didn’t say anything.

He just shrugged his shoulders and turned towards the door. “Ok, y/n, then talk to me next time you show them.”

He left, leaving you in the hallway to think about your emotions and re-evaluate your life. You had plenty of emotions! Just because you didn’t want to show them, why did that mean they weren’t real? And why do people act as if happy isn’t an emotion?

You jumped into your car and let out a deep sigh. “Don’t let him into your head, you’re fine.” You cranked up the radio in your car and listened to the sad tunes of your spotify playlist, hoping that someday you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable in front of others.

-----

Your heart still felt heavy as you opened the door to your house, revealing your dog who was happily waiting for you. You slammed the door shut and bent down to pet er. “Aww what a good girl.” You said in that higher tone reserved for pets and babies.

“Home already sweetie? The meeting end early today?” You nodded and set your jacket in the closet. Your mom was sitting next to the fireplace, reading a book as she normally did. “Yup, there wasn’t much to talk about besides the dance and most of us knew what the dance was supposed to look like anyways.”

“Hm, great! Hope it turns out nicely. I’m leaving to pick up Yeongue from his piano lessons soon so can you make sure to walk the dog.” You nodded and at your response, she went back to being lost in a world of words.

You somewhat envied your mom. She was a successful lawyer who seemed to work, work, and work. That was until she quit her job. She quit once she gave birth to your younger brother. She told you that she refused to not grow up with her kids and wanted to make things right with Yeongue. You tried not to think about how that meant you were raised wrong.

Although she had a point, you grew up being raised by nannies and neighbors who were willing to step in and help your mom. You rarely saw your mom as a kid, so it was somewhat of an experience to see her so often. Unfortunately, as you got into high school you had already made a life and didn’t stay at home. You always hated being at home. It made you feel empty and alone.

You’re like a fucking machine, you have like zero emotions.

You turned up the music in your earbuds and tried to ignore the outside world. There was nothing wrong with only showing people your good side.

There's nothing wrong with me.

Suddenly, there was a soft knock on the door. You pulled off your earbuds quickly. “Yes?”

“Hey hon, it seems like it’s only us two tonight. Your brother is staying at a friends house tonight and staying til tomorrow afternoon.” You nodded and got ready to go downstairs for dinner.

It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t the most pleasing experience.

You both never spoke that much to each other while eating dinner. You slurped up your noodles as your mom had made pho. You watched videos on your phone while she read her book.

“So, how was school?” You looked up at her and shrugged.

“The usual. The meeting went smoothly except for one kid who suggested a petting zoo in the middle of the dance but I fixed the problem.” Your mom let out a loud bark of laughter that made you flinch.

“Haha, sorry honey, it’s just that you said you fixed the problem. ‘Cause kids being dumb are not a serious problem besides their own.” You shrugged. “I guess so.” You had nothing else to say. You could tell your mom was constantly trying to establish a strong relationship with you, but you didn’t necessarily want one. You’ve had a business-like relationship with her your entire life and you liked it that way.

Do you really though? You shoved the annoying thought at the back at of your mind.

You finished dinner quickly and smiled at your mom. “Thanks for the food mom, it was really good.” Your mom smiled back at you. “I’m glad, I know pho is one of your favorites.”

You sauntered back up to your room, ready to finally leave the interaction with someone who was trying to get close to you.

And somehow, you never let anyone do that.

-----

“Here’s the last essay you guys will have before break. Thank me for not assigning it over break.” It took your entire being not to roll your eyes. It’s not like your other teachers didn’t assign an essay, test, or project already.

She plopped a paper on your desk and you skimmed through the requirements. It was a creative writing assignment. Your least favorite. You favored a structured essay that had a reason and rhyme to it, creative writing was basically anything a person thought to write a story out.

“I know it’s almost time for break, meaning your other teachers are probably on your backs as well so I wanted to make this assignment fun. Creative writing is what I specialize in, so I hope you all enjoy this assignment.”

“Wow, creative writing, how fun right?” You heard Hyunjin whisper in your ear from behind you. You had English with the boy... unfortunately.

You shrugged. “Not really into that stuff but never really seriously wrote a short story before.” You spoke somewhat honestly. You never wrote one because you had no ideas of what to write. You thought that every single trope and scenario of life has been written already, so what was the point?

Hyunjin scanned the requirements and shrugged. “I love writing a good story. Usually I’ll write one based off my photos.” You smiled at him.

“Oh wow, that’s really cool.” The boy raised a brow and leaned back in his chair. “You’re doing it again.” You tilted your head in confusion.

“What am I doing?” “Being fake.”

At those words, you just sighed and shook your head, not wanting to fight with the boy any longer. You wanted to be nice to him, and everyone really, but he just made it so hard.

“What do you do for fun?” You heard him ask. You hesitated turning around, but it would be rude if you didn’t.

“Um, why do you ask?” Hyunjin wriggled his eyebrows and shrugged. “I don’t know, because I’m curious.” You thought about the question, panning through all the things you did and remember loving.

Nothing came to mind immediately.

“Um, to be honest, I kind of like learning about new things.” The boy scoffed, revealing his minty gum in his mouth. “Wow.”

You didn’t bother to ask him about his reaction since you already gave him an answer. You thought he was done talking to you until you heard a light whisper.

“You’re more depressing than I thought you were.”

You didn’t bother to snap back at him this time; you had nothing to say.

-----

It was Tuesday, meaning there was another leadership meeting. There were two each week, on Tuesdays and Fridays.

The meeting was especially quick this time. “Hyunjin, did you talk to photography club about helping out during the dance?” You asked. The boy adjusted his hair and nodded. You noticed all the girls swooned at the move. Hyunjin was only mean to you, but to everyone else, he was kind and sweet. You’ve known him since middle school where he used to be shy and sensitive, but now he’s more confident, but sometimes you do see that middle school awkwardness.

“Yup, I have two people who are excited to take some pictures for us.” That popped a smile on your face. “Great! Also, is it agreed that we should get some props for the mini photoshoots?” Everyone nodded in agreement at your words. You clapped your hands together.

“Perfect.” You wrote down that you needed to buy some cute props into your phone. “K, this was great, you’re all free to go now.” The students, of course, ran out of the room as soon as the meeting was done.

Hyunjin was slower than usual packing up so you went to ask him about his photography club. “Hey Hyunjin, can I have your number so I can stay updated about the kids in the photography club? And if you have them, their contact info as well?” Hyunjin chuckled and crossed his arms.

“If you wanted my number so badly, you could’ve just asked for it.” You felt a small blush forming on your cheeks, but you frowned at the size of his ego.

“I-”

“I’m joking, y/n, take a joke for once. I know this is so you can control something else in your life like you love doing.” He held out his phone and plopped it in your hand. You gave it back to him after you were done. “Thanks.”

You walked away from him, thankful he didn’t say anything else to you.

-----

“Y/n! You’re home?” You heard your mom call out. You held in the sigh you had from hearing her voice. Sometimes it just irritated you, just normal teenager things you assumed.

“Yup.” You responded lamely. You saw her laying down on the couch, looking tired and haggard. You frowned and went over to touch her forehead.

“No, don’t touch me. I’m probably really contagious. I have a fever I think and it might be the flu.” You immediately jumped away from her and she chuckled. “It’s fine, but can you do me a favor?”

“Of course.”

“So, Yeongue is at his piano lessons right now, and he needs to be picked up at 5. Can you just pick him up for me? The address is written on the counter.” You walked over to the counter and picked up the note.

“Yeah, I’ll head over there now since it’s close to five already.” Your mom looked at the clock and saw how late it already was. “Oh wow... I should go to sleep now. Thanks for doing this.” You gave her a bright smile and nodded as she wobbled into her room. You stared at the address and sighed.

You got back into your car and zoomed over to the place. You had tons of work to do and you were not in the mood to play games.

You knocked on the door and a woman answered the door, probably Yeongue’s teacher. You gave her one of your bright smiles and introduced yourself.

“Hi, I’m y/n, Yeongue’s older sister.” She smiled at you and welcomed you in. “Of course, you’re as beautiful as your mother.” You let out a kind laugh and shook your head. “Thank you so much.”

The house wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t cramped either. And it wasn’t all too clean besides the piano room. “Sorry for the mess, I have 3 boys.” You stepped over the multiple lego pieces on the ground, praying to God that you wouldn’t feel that pain. “No worries, Yeongue is messy himself. I feel like I have to follow his every move so that he cleans up.” The teacher laughed and led you to where Yeongue was.

He was sitting on the couch with...

The boy’s eyes widened and you had to keep yours from widening. “Hyunjin, this is y/n, Yeongue’s older sister.” You laughed and pretended to play it cool.

“Oh yes, Hyunjin and I know each other from school actually. We are in leadership together.” You informed. Her eyes widened and she laughed as well, patting you on the back lightly. “Wow, isn’t that a small world.” You tried to be friendly with Hyunjin, but he wasn’t into it.

“Now, I have to take Yeongue back to the piano room for a few minutes, you two will be fine out here alone?” You nodded to her and she guided your brother to the room.

You two stood in silence.

“This is weird.” You rolled your eyes since he wasn’t looking at you. “Why is it weird?”

Hyunjin glared at you. “I don’t know, maybe because you, the girl who annoys me to no end, is standing in my living room laughing it up with my mom?” You picked at your chipping nail polish, reminding yourself to re-do them later.

“Your mom is sweet. And I’m sorry I annoy you, I’m not trying too.” You heard him let out a grumble.

“You see? This is what I’m talking about, this is what annoys me!” You were now confused. “Why? I barely said anything.”

Hyunjin ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “Exactly! You’re supposed to be mad at me for calling you annoying.”

You raised a brow. “So you’re annoyed because I’m not mad?” Hyunjin took a deep breath and shook his head.

“Whatever, I stick to my words, you’re the dullest person to talk to.”

“Yes, like you’re the best at a conversation as well.” He paused at your words as you held in a smile.

“Did you just make a joke?” He questioned. You shrugged your shoulders. “Maybe.”

Hyunjin stood in his living room, examining your expression. “You’re weird, y/n.”

You wanted to comment back, but you saw him already walking away from you, leaving you to wait alone in the living room.

------

“Crowning. The best part of the winter formal.” Usually there is only a homecoming and prom king and queen, but at your school, the winter formal is where you wanna be crowned. Everyone takes holiday season to the next level, and you weren’t going to make the people mad.

“What about it?” Hyunjin mumbled. You hummed and looked over your notes. “Well we need to buy new crowns for the king and queen, any suggestions on where to buy them or what they should look like?” No one raised their hands, but they did seem to be lost in thought.

“Is this because you are planning on winning winter formal queen, miss y/n?” Hyunjin said. This time, there was no bite in his bark but you did hear a teasing tone. You let out nervous laughter. “I don’t expect to win winter formal queen.” You simply replied. Hyunjin shook his head silently in laughter.

“He’s right, everyone knows you’re going to be crowned queen, the whole school already knows. You’ve done so much for this school.” One of the underclassmen said, which warmed your heart. You gave her a small smile as well as the others.

“Well, it doesn’t matter who the king and queen are, they’ll still be having crowns.”

“How about ones that resemble a snowflakes? Every year, they have the same, boring, silver tiaras, but for the winter formal, we should have something prettier than just a simple silver, right?” Hyunjin suggested along with the other students who became rowdy at the idea.

You smiled at the idea. “Perfect, a crown that embodies winter. You wanna buy them?” Hyunjin nodded at the idea. “Great, meeting is over then! The formal is next week, I hope you all have bought your tickets, leadership is required to attend and help with set up and take down, as usual.” You saw kids roll their eyes but you couldn’t change the rules.

----

December 19.

It was a hard day for you to swallow each year, but you somehow got through it. Alone too.

The leaves of trees were trickling down, freezing in the street. You stood right under one, your feet buried in laughable amounts of snow. You bent down, and brushed off the snow that was covering the writing on the headstone.

“I miss you, dad.” You whispered softly to no one in particular. Your father had died five years ago, but the pain of his passing still sat heavy in your chest. He had died when your brother was just born and your mom never really talked about your dad after Yeongue was born. She was always focused on Yeongue. And only him.

Tears rarely dripped down your face when thinking about your dad as you had grown used to the feeling of emptiness. You bent down and sent down fresh flowers and laid them over his grave. The bright flowers looking beautiful and vibrant, tuning out the death of the cemetery for a few short moments.

You were lost in your thoughts until you heard your name being called. “Y/n?” You spun around quickly, surprised to hear your name.

Your eyes dimmed at who it was. “Um, hey Hyunjin.” He was wearing a puffy jacket, although he still looked effortlessly good. His hair was back in a beanie and his stunning face was open to stare at. There was no malice in his face, but rather sadness and shock.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, I just was shocked to see you here, that’s all.” You were suspicious of his motives, knowing the boy was never up to any good when it came to you. He stood next to a grave in the same area as yours, making you feel slightly uncomfortable and awkward.

You hated when other people watching you mourn, it felt like they were studying to see when you would break. And you would not break; not in front of Hyunjin, not in front of your father.

“I’m sorry about your father, I’ve known you for a long time but I don’t think I’ve ever said that.” You could hear the sincerity in his voice. You gave him a tight smile. “Thanks, that means a lot.”

No it doesn’t, it doesn’t mean anything to you. A gentle whisper echoed throughout your mind filling you with unknown anger. You hated feeling insincere, but you never knew how to put passion into anything.

“I’m shocked, even when you’re mourning you’re not crying.” You felt anger bubble in your stomach at his words.

“Some people deal with grief in different ways. Plus it’s been five years, I’ve had lots of time to mourn.” Never enough, it’ll never be enough.

Hyunjin scoffed. “I’m visiting my brother, he died when I was 4, so I barely remember him. But whenever I think of him, I feel such emptiness.. sadness... and even guilt sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I could’ve save him, even though he was sick, it’s crazy I know. But still, I feel so much when I think about him without knowing him truly.”

You felt the judgement of his words which made you snap. “Wow, do you want a gold star for all of the feelings you just spilled?” The statement came out harsher than expected and his eyes widened at your words. You could feel the shock and surprise radiating off of him.

He shook his head, trying to brush off your clapback. “You know, your brother talks a lot about your mom and how much he likes her. Then he talks about his sister, he tells me he barely knows you and that you’re always nice and that you’re always smiling. He tells me that your mom plays with him the most and that you’re always out.” You stood in wonder, trying to understand what he was trying to get at.

“Your point? My brother is the youngest, he gets the most attention.” You could hear your voice getting snappier and snappier and you knew Hyunjin was testing you.

“My point? It’s okay to show emotion, it’s ok to let yourself be vulnerable.” He whispered softly. You felt no love in his words, it was just simple advice.

“Is that all you had to say to me?” You snapped. His eyes shook in surprise.

“I-I mean I guess. You should-”

“You know what? Why am I even letting you run my life? Do you just get off having me feel uncomfortable? If you know I hate being vulnerable so much, then why do you make me want to yell at you or cry or anything? What is your deal, Hyunjin?” You weren’t yelling yet, but it was the most stern you’ve ever been with him.

“I’m not trying to-”

“Well you are! You call me a fake bitch like every week and you constantly remind me of how empty I am, how dare you walk around like you know every body when you don’t even know me at all.” You closed your eyes and turned around, walking back to your car.

“Y/n! I’m sorry, please.” You paid no attention to him as you got in your car and drove away, feeling like you exposed too much of yourself to the boy who didn’t deserve your emotions.

You knew your mom was home and you did not want to go inside. You took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Y/n?” She called out. In an instant, you felt your walls come crashing down. You didn’t trust yourself to speak. “Y/n?” She called out again. You felt your eyes swell with tears, unable to control your emotions any longer. Everyone has a breaking point. You had reached yours.

“Mom?” You felt your voice break which caused her to get up from the couch and examine you. She saw the tears in your eyes that were threatening to spill. She said nothing as she pulled you into a strong embrace. “I miss dad.” You whispered into her ear.

She said nothing and patted your hair. You felt your tears spill onto her neatly combed hair. “I miss him too.” She whispered.

And for the first time ever, you felt at home in your own house.

------

You didn’t talk to Hyunjin at all after your outburst. You were ashamed of it.

How could I have left myself become so stupid? This is exactly what he wanted.

Friday afternoon rolled around, meaning you had a meeting for leadership. You took a look at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes were bright, yet they had no purpose to their brightness. Your hair was neatly dyed from your last appointment and it made you look alive and vibrant. Your makeup was gently applied and your hair was up in a ponytail, as it usually was.

“Why? Why am I letting him get in my head?” You whispered to yourself. You couldn’t help but think about Hyunjin’s constant words and reminders. You weren’t a bad person. You were a really good person. But is that what life only is? Only to just be a good person? And could you ever really be a good person if you weren’t a person in the first place?

You stared at yourself longer and then snapped. You wiped off all your makeup and ripped your hair out of the ponytail, letting the messiness spill onto your shoulders. You took off your blouse and pulled on one of your hoodies you only wore at home. You looked at yourself once more and didn’t feel good.

So you left the house. It had been a while since you pushed your own boundaries.

You got so many stares. People were whispering around you, wondering what happened to you. You weren’t smiling very widely, and you simply just looked like a normal student, but you weren’t a normal student, you were y/n.

English was your first period and you plopped down in your seat in front of Hyunjin whose eyes never left your body.

“Um, are you ok?” He asked nervously. You whipped your head towards him, making him flinch. “Just peachy, how are you, Hyunjin?”

He gulped. “Fine, just fine.”

It was Friday, meaning there was another leadership meeting. You could tell everyone was looking at you with curiosity.

“So, meeting will be short today as the dance is today. Who is help setting up, to be honest, I don’t want to set up the entire dance since it’s my last one.” At your harsh words, you saw a large amount of hands fly up, probably confused at your behavior. “Good. Meeting adjourned, let’s hit the cafeteria.” The students rushed out, whispering about you to their friends.

“Um, y/n, I’m going to ask you one more time, are you ok?” Hyunjin asked. You spun around and glared at him. “Once again, I’m going to tell you that I’m just fine.”

You tried to walk towards the cafeteria but he stopped you.

“Ok wait, look, I’m really, really sorry y/n. I didn’t mean to be an insensitive jerk. Just.. I’m an asshole.” He waited patiently for your response as you raised a brow.

“You are an asshole.” You said with a smile. At that moment, it seemed like the bad blood between you guys had faltered. He smiled too and took a peak at your reaction. “Um, I am and I just realized that I was always wondering why you never really showed emotion besides being bright and happy and I realized that I sorta don’t want to see you sad or mad either. I’ve just been mean to you, trying to push your buttons, but obviously no one deserves that.”

“And I’m sorry for being such a dick to you.” You shrugged and put your hands in your pockets.

“Apology accepted I guess.” You replied lamely, stepping around him. “Less talking, more decorating.”

“Yes m’aam.”

-----

It took hours to decorate the cafeteria. And it left only an hour to go home and get dressed and ready for the dance.

You sighed as you were hurrying to curl your hair and do your makeup. It was your last winter formal, and everyone expected you to get Winter Formal Queen. And you admit, you had to be prepared for everything. Your mom had gifted you with a beautiful pale white dress with a blue hue of sparkles around it. It looked like you belonged in a winter wonderland.

You took a look at yourself in the mirror and felt content with your look.

You hurried down the stairs and saw your mom waiting with her camera. She had tears in her eyes. “You look beautiful.” She whispered. You smiled and posed for her on the staircase.

“Mom, I’m gonna be late.” She smiled and kissed the top of your head. “Sorry, go have a fun time and text me when you’re coming home.” You nodded and got into your car. You never cared for a date nor did you ever to go in a big group with your friends. You never had gotten that one group of friends, you just made friends with everyone.

But you were fine that way. For now at least.

You arrived at the school and saw that it was filled with people. Most dances, people didn’t bother to show until an hour into it, but the winter formal was important.

People greeted you as they saw you from afar and some even took pictures with you.

“Woah, y/n, you look like a queen tonight! I’m excited for you to get that crown!” One of your classmates said. You just smiled politely. “We’ll see!”

The entire inside looked like a winter wonderland and everyone inside looked stunning. You felt proud at your work and promised you would go easy on yourself this holiday season.

“Wow, you clean up nicely, y/n.” You spun around and saw Hyunjin staring at you. He was wearing gray slacks and a white button up top. He didn’t bother to wear a blazer but he had his earrings on and his hair was nicely styled.

“I’m always cleaned up.” You joked. He chuckled at your response. “You’re right, I guess I’m the one who cleaned up nicely.” You took one good look at him and realized that he could be wearing a potato sack and look good. But let him believe he was ugly when he was looking normal. Kept his ego at bay.

Soon the party kicked off and everyone was throwing their bodies around on the dance floor. You were dancing with all the senior girls who were letting themselves go as it was their last winter formal. Your hair was messy from the dancing and you spun around with your friends, letting the stress drain from your body. You looked up and saw the photoshoot doing well, thankful Hyunjin pulled through.

“ALRIGHT, how is everyone feeling out there?!” The DJ yelled. The crowd of kids screamed back and the DJ chuckled loudly into the mic. “Awesome, awesome, now, it’s finally the moment you’ve ALL been waiting for!” The crowd “ooed and awed” at the announcement.

“The crowning of the king and queen! Let’s see who won the poll!” A teacher came on stage and took the mic from the DJ and looked into the crowd.

“I would love to announce the king and queen of the 2018 winter formal.” You felt your heart beating fast, even though you didn’t expect the crown.

“The 2018 Winter Formal Queen goes to.... y/n!” The crowd erupted into cheers and you felt yourself being pushed onto the stage by your large group of friends. You felt the crown settle on your head and you felt powerful, stunning, and beautiful. Hyunjin really did a nice job of picking out the crown.

“Now, your 2018 Winter Formal King is... Hwang Hyunjin!” The crowed cheered and you saw Hyunjin being pushed onto the stage by his rowdy group of friends. Everyone expected that, he was the most popular guy in your grade... and the best looking.

He stood on stage next to you, looking dapper but also sweaty. He had a crown placed on his head, not nearly as nice as yours. He probably knew he would win the king and didn’t want to draw attention to himself.

“Now, the annual king and queen dance!” Slow music started to play and you suddenly felt super nervous. It was a known thing that Hyunjin was an amazing dancer... and you? You had two left feet.

“You ready?” He whispered softly. You nodded and wrapped your hands around his neck and his hands carefully slid around your waist. You heard some whistles and hollering, but you ignored it. He smiled widely at you, and you felt yourself smiling back. “You look really pretty when you smile.” He whispered in your ear. You chuckled at his statement. “I’m always smiling, Hyunjin, I thought that’s what makes me fake.” You teased.

He rolled his eyes. “There are tons of smiles and this one was real. I’m glad because I’m happy as well.” You felt his grip get tighter as the song picked up.

“Why are you happy?”

“Because I made the Ice Queen smile.” You let out a bark of laughter at the nickname. “Wow, did you make that up yourself?” He nodded innocently.

“No more fake bitch?” He shook his head hurriedly. “Nope, I hate that nickname, I don’t know why I ever found it ok to be a dick to you.” You nodded and let yourself melt into his arms.

“Why Ice Queen?” You whispered softly. He chuckled softly and looked thoughtfully into your eyes. “Because! You barely show emotion and if you haven’t noticed, you just won Winter Formal Queen.” You let out even more chuckles at the stupid description.

“What? You don’t like it?” You shrugged. “I guess I like it.” You both said nothing for a while as the DJ called everyone onto the dance floor.

“I was wrong about you, y/n.” You stared at him so he would continue. “I was too busy judging you for what you did wrong and I never really judged myself. I also hide my feelings and my emotions but hide it with anger.” You sighed into his shoulder.

“No, I mean, you were wrong for being mean to me, but also I do hide my emotions and push people away. I’m now trying to let myself be vulnerable.. so thanks I guess.” He smiled and held you closer.

“No problem, Ice Queen. And if you ever need a friend, I’m here for you.”

You patted his back softly. “I’m here for you too.”

#stray kids #stray kids scenarios #straykidznet #sk-writersnet #stray kids imagines #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin scenarios #skz #skz scenarios #skz imagines #hyunjin imagines #hwang hyunjin scenarios

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y-not-loki · 5 years

Text

I’ll Be Good | Bucky B.

Anon asked: I'll be good from Jaymes Young with Bucky x reader please? Thanks for sharing your writing, you are amazing!

(sure thing lil anon, and thank you so much! I do try my best when it comes to writing) (I’m so sorry about this, there’s a little bit of saltiness towards Steve and I swear I don’t hate him)

Warnings: N/A (character death?)

I thought I saw the devil This morning Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue With the warning To help me see myself clearer I never meant to start a fire I never meant to make you bleed I'll be a better man today

Bucky was panting, on the other side of the boxing ring that Tony had set up for them to fight in. That was the only place where they allowed no mercy against each other.

A flash of something dangerous appeared behind his eyes and he spat out the blood and spit in his mouth, before lunging at (Y/N).

He moved like a polar bear, large and dangerous, smart but heavy.

She moved like a snake, quick and sharp, small but powerful.

The fight was over quickly, Bucky having pinned (Y/N) down on the floor in a position that was hardly comfortable.

Silence was a comfortable thing between one who was healing, and one who was always thinking.

Silence was also a weight pressing against their relationship. Bucky never told her when he had a nightmare. Bucky never told her when he was about to turn into Winter. Bucky never told her how truly broken he was.

Now, he stood in front of a mirror. A reflection that wasn’t his stared back. Long, limp hair. Cold, merciless eyes. Lips parted slightly.

The edges of his vision blurred, and he couldn’t help the tears that formed in the corners of his eyes.

Who was he? Who did he used to be? He didn’t mean to turn into a monster, he didn’t want to kill all those people. He didn’t mean to hurt you.

I'll be good, I'll be good And I'll love the world, like I should Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good For all of the time That I never could

The first time (Y/N) and Bucky met they’d been in the midst of a battle. He had shot her. And she’d been angry.

He’d put her in hospital, half dead, and the only people who brought her back were Shuri and Helen Cho, Bruce and Tony had been the ones to bring these two people together to bring back someone so pure.

She woke Bucky up. She reminded him so much of Steve, small and feisty, but uncontrollable and a wild card because she never gave up. In this new world, even Steve was different. Sure he was still buff, and still strong, but he was... he was expectant. As if he was looking for someone that Bucky wasn’t. He was looking for the old Bucky. But that Bucky died.

At least he knew that Steve couldn’t help it, Steve was only looking for someone who shared his memories, someone who he had been the closest to.

“I’ll be good.” Bucky whispered, rolling the words around his mouth, as if trying on a new outfit for his mentality. “I’ll be good for all the times that I was bad.” He whisper. (Y/N) had taught him that phrase. She’d taught him to forgive himself. She’d taught him that it wasn’t his fault, when the man wearing Steve’s skin couldn’t. Steve still cared, but he cared for someone else.

And it hurt that he couldn’t accept that Bucky wasn’t that man anymore.

My past has tasted bitter For years now So I wield an iron fist Grace is just weakness Or so I've been told I've been cold, I've been merciless But the blood on my hands scares me to death Maybe I'm waking up today

A million memories flashed across his mind as he stumbled into the community living room. He needed her. Her soothing hands, and healing voice, he needed her to hold him and reassure him.

“Bucky?” Her soft, lilting voice approached him slowly as his vision blurred. “Come with me.” Her voice hardened, and she guided him towards her room. Laying him down on her bed, she made sure he was comfortable and then leaned down to kiss his forehead, which was coated with a sheen of sweat. “Talk to me, Buck.” She whispered.

“I couldn’t help it.” He whimpered, eyes closing without his eyelids moving. “They died. They died because of me. Because of... because of this.” He gestured towards his metal arm, and started to pull on it, but (Y/N)’s soft hand on his flesh arm stopped him.

“And you were not in control. Hydra had you under its control. You may not be better now, but you are Bucky, you are not Winter.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.” Bucky whispered, and (Y/N)’s lips turned upwards.

“Then you won’t hurt anyone. You are in control of what you can and cannot do.” She brushed his hair out of his face. “And I will support whatever decision you make.”

“Thank you.” Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for keeping me afloat. Thank you.

I'll be good, I'll be good And I'll love the world, like I should I'll be good, I'll be good I'll be good, I'll be good

“First thing’s first, I’ll teach you to love life again.” She told him, they sat in the indoor garden that Bruce kept as a hobby. “Tell me what you see.”

“Beauty.” He told her, a smirk tugging at his lips as he stared at her and nothing more. She let out a light peal of laughter, and shook her head.

“No Buck, and whilst I am alive, I want you to show me what you think is beautiful in this garden, what you think is worth living for.”

“You....” He whispered, and she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, his metal one.

“Love the surroundings, not the company. Love the world. Love the life on this planet. Show compassion for things that are permanent, not temporary. All humans will wilt out.” She looked at him with sorrowful eyes as he bundled her up in his arms. “I love you too, Buck, but you’ve for the Super Soldier serum, or some variety of it. You won’t age like I will. You won’t grow old and die like I will. Your regenerative cells will keep you going until the end.”

“I know.” He whispered. “But the pain is worth it.” He ran his metal fingers through her hair and reveled in the way that she didn’t flinch away from a weapon of destruction.

For all of the light that I shut out For all of the innocent things that I doubt For all of the bruises I've caused and the tears For all of the things that I've done all these years And all Yeah, for all of the sparks that I stomped out For all of the perfect things that I doubt

“So how have you been going with lesson one?” (Y/N) asked, the conversation from two days ago still on her mind.

“I’ll learn to love the world and life for you.” Bucky responded quietly, not looking up from where he was... sketching something? Steve must have taught Bucky how to draw and funnel his emotions through there. “I’ll learn to love life to repent for my sins, for the light that I have shut out, for the innocents I’ve killed, for the bruises I’ve given, and tears I’ve caused. I’ll learn to life to avenge those who died at my hands because of Hydra, I’ll relight the fires that I stomped out. I’ll live for you perfection and kind heart.”

“Wow Buck, when’d you come up with that one?” (Y/N) was mildly shocked, but from what Steve had told her, Bucky used to be charming and kind, and maybe it was starting to show through.

“I don’t know. I’ve just been thinking. Would the people who I killed want me to live? What about their living family? I mean, Tony went all destructo-bot on me when he found out I killed his-” Bucky cut himself off, choking on his own words that cut through him like a hot knife. He finished the sentence softly, “When he found out I killed his parents.”

(Y/N) placed her hands on both his shoulders, and bent down to look him in the eyes. “You.” She started firmly. “Did.” SHe squeezed his shoulders gently. “Not.” Bucky’s eyes flickered up to hers, where she was staring at his unnervingly. “Kill.” His eyes flickered up again, and then stayed there, taking in the burning fire in them. “Them.” She practically growled. He didn’t know if she was angry at him, or Hydra, or just angry in general.

Taking a deep breath, (Y/N) took her hands off him and stepped back. “Hydra killed them, not you.”

I'll be good, I'll be good And I'll love the world, like I should Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good For all of the times I never could, oh, oh-oh Oh, oh Oh, oh-oh For all of the times I never could All of the times I never could

Bucky had a lot of pent up hatred directed towards Hydra, but he didn’t know how it could just destroy him from the inside like this.

They had killed her.

They had killed his life.

They had killed his love.

He couldn’t feel anything, nothing but hatred and pain. And sometimes he believed he never would feel again.

He would never feel until he destroyed Hydra, painfully and intimately, in a way that they would never forget, and if there were any survivors, they’d fear for the day that the Winter Soldier turned on them again.

But he’d live. He promised his (Y/N), and he wouldn’t wrong her in such a way, not when she was gone now.

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prettywordsyouleft · 6 years

Text

Different Kisses with Mark Tuan

Thanks so much for your request! Mark is one of my top ten biases in kpop, and so naturally I was anxious to write this, as I am with all my biases - for some reason, I always feel like I will let myself down? Hahah! Anyways, let’s get into another GOT7 member today!

Mark cannot go a day without telling you how much you mean to him, and his kisses are like constant passionate reminders of this.

First kiss:

You had known Mark for some time, and as friends your relationship had been easy going, playful and comfortable. Ever since he confessed a week ago, he’d been a little awkward with you, not because he was worried your feelings didn’t match his, but because he was just so excited you had accepted his heart. He was anticipating making all those new steps with you. There was no weird first date because you had hung out so often that you were able to skip some of those steps. All the same, ever since he had confessed, all he could think about was your lips, and wanting them on his. That’s what had him anxious, wanting something, but not knowing if you’d be down for it happening so soon. He wanted to go at your pace, but also, he had thought too much about this for too long now. To you, he was constantly playing with his lips subconsciously and it was driving you insane, unable to stay focused on what you were both doing together, and only on how full his lips were. It was almost illegal with how much he emphasised them, and if you didn’t see that distant expression in his eyes every time, you’d be certain he was doing it on purpose.

And so, when you were catching up on a show you had been watching together and he played with his lips for the umpteenth time that evening, you groaned, startling him. “Just kiss me, would you?!” you almost begged, Mark’s eyes widening at the request, but not wasting anymore time either. The embrace was passionate as soon as his lips landed on yours, both of you exploring each other with ease. It was as if your kiss dissipated any of the remaining hesitation between you both, cementing that this was actually happening.

And that kiss went from your first, second, third, right up to your eighth one being a kiss goodnight. You had never kissed someone so much in your life, and you had a feeling that you would have to get used to having someone who would shower you so easily in his affections.

Public kisses:

Mark doesn’t get too worried about what you get up to out in public. He’s not the type to make an obvious spectacle out of you both, but he also isn’t bothered by anyone seeing you enjoying each other’s physical contact. Holding hands is a given, and if he’s not holding your hand, then his arm is slung around you, keeping you close to his side. He loves it when you wrap your arms around his waist as you walk too, smiling and leaning down to kiss your head happily. He always likes to be touching you in some way. Kisses out in a public vary, he can be satisfied with just a quick peck on the lips, or lots of forehead or cheek kisses, and then sometimes he needs more of you, stopping whatever you’re doing and running his thumb lightly over your bottom lip before cupping your face in his. He’s not going to leave his mouth on yours for long, but he always gives you this smile that makes you feel like you’re going to float away if he ever lets go of you.

You have frequent dates out, either to do active pursuits, like the ski lodge in winter, or the pool in summer, but he also loves spoiling you and taking you shopping, to museums, cafes, and lots of park picnics and walks. On these he is more affectionate too, holding you close at all times and quietly telling you how beautiful you are in your outfit, or how much he cannot wait to take you home and get you out of it. That escalated quickly. Give or take on his mood, he’s not even afraid to rile you up out in public, his hands swift at targeting your weaknesses, his lips kissing yours with a little more demand, and silently you both make plans to end whatever you’re doing and get someplace more private, so you can continue on with where this was heading.

Private kisses:

At home it’s just a continuation of when together anywhere, period. Lots of cuddles, plenty of touching, playful banter, serious conversations, no talking at all, you did it all. Some days all you’d do is stay cuddled up together, leaving kisses upon one another, smiles endlessly pouring out alongside your love. Others you’ll be cooking or cleaning together, and Mark will come over and rest his head on your shoulder, enveloping you in his warm back hug and kissing along your neck, telling you how good you looked right now. In fact if there was one phrase you heard the most aside from I love you, it was that, he was always enamoured by how you appeared to him. You could come home from the gym all sweaty and dishevelled and apart from a playful pout accompanied with a complaint about getting all worked up without his help, he would still tell you how good you look to him. And it wasn’t from a lack of control over his sexual desires; you could see he genuinely meant it each and every time.

And you were both able to function without being attached to one another, though Mark would often stop what he was doing just to stare at you, taken back that you’re his. No matter how much time passed, it still felt surreal that he had gotten this lucky. And that’s why his lips were constantly on yours; gently reminding you that he needed you always.

Making out:

Mark could make out with you every day of the week if you let him. But that would be far too much passion for a person to cope through, and so you settled for several times a week when together, both of you unable to keep your hands off of each other and heating things up. You had quickly progressed into a physical relationship, given the fact that you had been friends before lovers, and didn’t need to spend that extra time getting to know what each other was like. You were both still the same, but you had used that “free” time to explore each other, finding out what you both liked in each other early on. Mark is a confident lover, so long as you’re not trying anything new. And so most sessions would almost always follow a similar routine, both of you liking the consistent flow of making out with one another. Unlike JB and Jinyoung, Mark isn’t an experimental kind of guy. He knows your key spots well, and attacks them first every time. He loves having you in his lap, his hands running up and down your curves and then gripping at your thighs as you grind against him, quickly building up both of your breathing. And his lips are almost always upon your upper chest and neck, sucking and biting lovingly at you as your moans begin. You can bet that making out with Mark is essentially a long, intense session of foreplay, and this appreciation of your body will extend into the bedroom. And so because of this, he’s vocal, even now, letting you know how you make him feel, cursing at how good it is. Quite often his cue of wanting to take you someplace more pleasurable is spoken out with a “fuck you look so good right now”, picking you up as your legs wrap around him instantly, stopping along the way to balance against the walls, or counter tops when the passion makes it too much for him to walk and keep kissing you. By the time you’re in the bedroom, you’re both far too hot, stripping down and leaving the making out completely behind, moving into another realm of ecstasy. Goodbye I am deader than dead.

Morning kisses:

Mornings are sweet with Mark. You both wake up around the same time, and he’s always smiling lazily over at you, reaching over to brush the hair away from your face and greeting you huskily. His lips are always soft and slow in the morning, almost like they’re still waking up too. Lots of Eskimo kisses and his never ending forehead kisses too. He loves playing with your hair in the morning, making fun of you whenever it’s a little messy, only mussing it up further to annoy you. And whenever you try to leave him, his arms around your waist tighten, telling you to not even dream of leaving him. But it’s time to be awake, not dreaming, and you’re aware of the clock unlike him. He doesn’t like this about you and will try every tactic in the book to keep you next to him. There has even been a few times where you’ve been late for work, Mark’s sweet morning sex being enough to distract you completely.

Making up:

Arguing with Mark is frustrating. You both like to talk about your feelings, Mark actually being quite the talker if he has something to say. And so because of this, your relationship is generally quite harmonious, any time an issue crops up, you both work promptly to solve it. And if you can’t do that, Mark avoids the situation until it cannot be ignored any longer. Unlike others with tempers, he doesn’t yell. He’s always calm, but disconnected in his tone, which is harder to deal with than yelling and getting it out and over with. And worse is the silent treatment that follows, frustrating you completely until you cry. This is when Mark softens; hating that he’s causing you to shed those emotions, even if it might not be directly his fault in the beginning.

He is a firm believer in making up, lots of kisses laced in with his apology, his hands pulling you against his body and rocking you both back and forth until you calm down. Like Jaebum, he’s also one for make up sex, the mood incredibly delicate and soft, unlike most of your love making sessions.

Movie kisses:

A lot of dates are spent at home, both of you loving a good movie night with some snacks and each other as company. You’re not huge into scary movies, but he is, and a lot of the time he convinces you to watch them with him, even though you spend more time gripping at him and burying your head into his chest than actually watching the screen. Of course this is why he loves movie dates with you so much, smirking to himself whenever you freak out, patting your back gently and kissing the top of your head. Whenever it gets too much, or when it’s finished and you’re shaking a little from what you just endured, he feels a little bad, telling you it’s not real and it won’t happen to you because you have him. And irrationally you bite back, telling him you’re not going to be able to relax now and sleep in case you have nightmares. He softly kisses you then, distracting you entirely until you’re sleepily gazing up at him with a smile upon your face, and allowing him to help you go to bed and sleep, reminding you that he’s kissed all the bad dreams away if you slip back and think of what you were doing before his luscious lips were on yours.

Pouty/teasing kisses:

Although you have a lot of chilled, loving and tender moments, Mark is also a clingy guy, and if you don’t give him enough attention, he’s going to play with his lips again until all you can think of is kissing him. He will shamelessly follow you around like a lost puppy and cling to you at any chance he can get. And because he’s right there, and sticking out that bottom lip at you, how could you resist?

But you also have your own way at getting him back for is needy behaviour, teasing him whenever you can with whatever ammunition you can find. A lot of it stems from your great relationship with his family, photos of him when he’s younger being a great way to get under his skin. You love seeing him riled up, especially after he’s made you watch one too many horrors in a month, and so you’ll send him taunting messages about whatever you’ve got on him, Mark finding you as soon as you’re together again and demanding you hand them over. He’s even begged his Dad to stop releasing all of his childhood disasters to you, but of course you still get them delivered promptly to torment him with. In these moments, he’s desperate to get whatever it is away from you and you’ve already climbed up on the sofa or something higher than him, dancing around with the item in your hand or phone, gleaming triumphantly at him. And so he does what is the only way to silence you and grabs you swiftly, landing his lips upon yours, kissing you until you fall captive and relent to his charms completely. And he can never figure out if you always forget this is how it ends up, or if you do this purposely just to be taken hostage by his lips entirely, but neither of you are complaining by the time you’re done.

Missed you kisses:

Naturally with this line of work, Mark’s often away from you and he hates this so much. Aside from daily texts to make sure you’re eating well, that you’re sleeping okay without him, if you have his hoodie on that his spritzed his cologne onto when the time apart is too long, he also rings you, unable to go without telling you at least once a day that he loves with you his own voice. Regardless of whether you pick up or not, given the time zone differences at times, he always leaves you his love, and misses you like crazy. So much that the plane is barely landing on the tarmac or the van is just rolling over the borderline that brings him back into the city, before he’s on the phone to you, telling you he’s on his way. If it’s late at night, he’ll forgo the call, making his way into your apartment with the key you gave him earlier into your relationship, and removing all unnecessary layers before climbing into bed and finding your lips. He is relentless, evoking instant desire within you, tasting your mouth completely before he pulls back, and utters a “god I’ve missed you” before his lips are reaching for yours again. You never thought you could be loved this deeply by someone else, but here you were getting spoiled completely, that you didn’t even care if he disturbed your sleep.

Future kisses:

Although you didn’t talk about it often, as there was no need to constantly confirm with each other, some of your favourite moments with Mark were at night discussing the future together. It would start of innocently, a friend of yours might have sent a wedding invitation to you, and suddenly you’re both discussing how you want your big day to be like. It’s casually started but grows earnest from both of you, smiling up at one another and giving each other kisses in between. But when it gets deeper, when he tells you how he’s imagined buying a house together within the next year, how his family are waiting for him to tell them he’s proposed, Mark not so subtlety testing your reaction to the idea of becoming his fiancé, and his wife, to the mother of his children, it’s a little overwhelming, all in a good way. Because he’s so resolute that it’s only ever going to be you for him, and he knows that it’s the same for you. But he wants your thoughts always, and seeing how worked up you are whenever he adds Tuan onto your name, you just cannot help but explode with love for the man beside you. Your lips finding his, and kissing him in a way that has you both shivering in delight. Your foreheads pressed together as you both utter love confessions at one another, showering each other in kisses afterwards. It’s a moment where you truly feel yourselves connecting into one entity, knowing some day soon, you’d be able to live out those desires, ready to make them your reality.

A lot of people see Mark as a quiet guy, and he although he’s not as talkative as most people in your life, with his meaningful short sentences to go along with your entirely detailed and lengthy ones, he’s definitely not a silent aspect of your life, evoking a lot of passion, spoiling you completely, letting you treat him like your prince, and just living happily ever after, because that’s what’s in the cards, right?

_______________

Other GOT7 members: Mark // Jaebum // Jackson // Jinyoung // Youngjae // Yugyeom

[Different Kisses Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

#mark tuan #got7 #got7 mark #got7 imagines #got7 scenarios #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #mark tuan imagines #mark tuan scenarios #Boyfriend! Mark Tuan #prettywordsyouleft requested

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lunarrpmemes · 6 years

Text

Adventure Time: Elements Starters

Skyhooks

“That was definitely the longest adventure we’ve ever done.” “Let’s go take hot showers!” “Look at this fish. It’s... gummy?” “We’ve gotta get to the bottom of this hot shower.” “Home always looks different after a long trip.” “Everything being pink is probably not a big deal, and also I’m tired.” “Why do you worry so much, worry baby?” “Don’t worry, we’re only teasing you because you’re a baby.” “Hey! You look like me!” “Welcome, stranger! It’s so cool that you’re inside our house!” “We’ve obviously stumbled into an alternate dimension where everyone’s a different version of themselves. Yawn.” “I’m in control of my emotions.” “Drink up, babies!” “I used to have a LOT of fear and sadness - but now I’m FINE!” “No! That is body juice.” “What’s that? Do you spurn my fluids?” “Looks like someone’s feeling a little SOUR.” “Stop striding! It just keeps you agitated!” “Hey! You’re meat!” “They look so happy. Like dogs.” “Something smells nice. Nice and toasty.” “She’s everywhere.” “You fixed ‘em? But they’re your friends!” “Goodbye, boys! It’s better this way!” “They’ll be back. They have nowhere else to go.”

Bespoken For

“Why does it look like a four-way pizza?!” “Everyone is not dead. It’s much worse.” “What am I gonna do without my besties around?” “Bird watching sounds cool.” “I’m going out to get some magic ingredients.” “Cool. Bring me a snackie.” “You a toucan?” “I’ve tried so hard to help you.” “It’s saddening, it’s maddening, I’m rapping, and- and--” “No, I don’t remember who she is. But I know how to find out.” “It’s okay. I know you don’t remember me.” “Hey, wanna go on a date with me tonight?” “I think she might be an exotic bird.” “You need to get a nice bespoked suit.” “No, that’s just the muumuu, dawg. I’m jacked.” “Pretty fly for an ice guy.” “I’m really into skulls and old teeth in jars, too.” “Well, that was terrifying.” “Maybe you’re going after someone who doesn’t exist anymore.” “Why not take him as he is? After all, you’ve been through a lot of changes yourself.” “It sounds depressing when you say it that way. Think of a different way to say it.” “I don’t wanna be that guy who just hangs out with his girlfriend all the time and doesn’t see his friends... Man, I wanna be that guy so bad.” “These are some low-grade fairies.” “Where did the weird lady go?” “I wonder if my roomie has any more of these soothing donuts.”

Winter Light

“We’ll enter via the sewer line.” “This is a place mat from a seafood restaurant - and this word search is way too hard!”” “I made these sweaters and ear muffs for you guys. They’re bespoke.” “It’s a lot colder now, too.” “Oh, I get it. The top one’s fake.” “This is crazy. It’s like being at the bottom of an ocean.” “Ice to meet you.” “You betta believe it, bucko.” “Do you wanna come with us? We’re on a secret mission.” “She’s, like, ruined the whole world and all our friends.” “Yes, I draw elves. It’s what I like to do!” “It’s not a sewer, but it’ll have to do.” “Oh no, you have an icicle. You look like your kids!” “Back in my old basement, where it all began.” “Cool boy say what?” “They denied their precious birthright.” “Instead of embracing their powers, they were overrun by them.” “Monstrous. Like life itself.” “If you’re so upset about this, you should fix it.” “The universe is an abyss of suffering.” “Best Friends Gang, retreat!” “Everyone leaves, except me. I remember Father made me stay at the table until all the eggs were eaten.” “Well, that sucks and I hate it.” “The goose... Is loose.” “My mystic soup is great for combating Ice Magic.” “I feel drained like a dirty bath tub.” “Ancient magic was actually my major.”

Cloudy

“Woah, neat-o.” “Graduate student? What the heck is that? You graduated, but you’re still a student? Doesn’t make any sense.” “Can the Dog do anything about this?” “What are you doing? Swaddling me?” “Look what happens when you go to sleep!” “Turn around! I can’t go when you’re looking at me.” “Yes sir. I sure like cuttin’ hair.” “All this stuff happened because I acted selfishly.” “I was talking about important stuff!” “I’ve been trying to distract you from all this, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy with the way things are going!” “You know what I’ve been thinking? What if we’re dead?” “I try to keep my worries hidden, but where does that send ‘em? To my kidneys? That can’t be good.” “I can get into that. Maybe when I’m thirty-five.” “I don’t care, don’t look in this direction. It makes me feel like you can hear my most private business.” “Since when is it such a hassle just to take a whiz?” “Are you being digested in there?” “Thanks for not digesting me.” “Nothing happened to us, so now we get to fix it.”

Slime Central

“Here’s some trail mix for the road.” “They’re two wack-a-doodle peas in a wack-a-doodle pod.” “Something about it makes me feel weird in the ethics.” “You don’t wanna stare at happiness too hard, yaknow? Cuz it stares back, man...” “This smells like a locker room for a dead fish.” “Okay, you look dope.” “You guys on a team, yet?” “No, you can’t be on my team!” “You got something to say?” “As always, the prize is absorption into the body of our bumpin’ leader.” “Skate to assimilate!” “Isn’t assimilation amazing?” “It might be comfy, like a hug that turns you into a hug.” “She can’t absorb us if we’re self-absorbed.” “You need a three person team to compete, and I’m taken.” “But I’m the plucky underdog!” “No, you’re just terrible.” “No, wait! Discontinue the beat!” “They love me! I’m a true Cinderella story!” “Today’s losers will now be punished with shameful absorption.” “It’s like being in a warm bath full of snot.” “It’ll work out somehow.” “May as well give in to it...” “This isn’t an uplifting underdog ending.” “I’m not assimilating!” “She’s gonna be rejecteeeed.” “No, I totally faked it.” “Even though I shoplifted this super cool outfit, I still didn’t fit in...” “I guess I don’t fit in anywhere.” “Whatever happened, he was always like... ‘it’ll work out.’“ “Stop being so selfish, I’m the one hurting here!” Happy Warrior“He’s probably having fun, and doing way better without you.” “Your laugh is really annoying.” “Don’t talk that way about the skyhooks!” “Please keep your hands and bags away from the cloud’s edge.” “Don’t torture yourself! And don’t drop your phone into Fire Kingdom, dummy.” “If I don’t, you’ll die. Hah!” “So... You guys wanna do something? Got any music?” “You guys aren’t just, like, boring and old, right?” “This doesn’t look so bad.” “You see that bird? Gross.” “No, I’m just super cool.” “I got RAGE!” “You cannot defeat me!” “Let’s take his armor.” “I’m going, but I swear vengeance, okay?” “Your cooking stinks!” “Man, this place used to be nice... er.” “I can’t, she’s like family!” “My flame shield protected me from the Change. The rest of the kingdom... Is lost.” “She is spicy with anger.” “We used to really bond over music, and.... Stuff.” “This is as far as I go.” “She said some... Hurtful things.” “I’ll give her a good talking to. I’ll talk her into next week.” “My wolf is also a loner.” “When did he get cool? Everyone slept on that.” “Die in a ditch!” “You used to be about the laughs!” “You can’t run the saw, then stay outta my woodshed.” “The duck found a secret tunnel!” “We’re just friends, and I’m proud of that friendship. Getting there took a lot of trust building and emotional growth.” “... Do you do squats?” “That big, gross dragon is your ex?!” “This place is a toxic, aggro-macho-scape.” “That was messed up, and not who you really are!” “The only friend I have is violence, and the only thing we do when we hang is FIGHT!” “I’m gonna ruin your universe.” “Honestly, I could still see those two working out.” “This is terrible, nobody’s paying attention to me!” “That’s a huge extrapolation from what I said.” “Surely, this is the end of all things.”

Hero Heart

“Is this about your ex?” “This is about the purity of battle.” “Just listen to the beat of your hero heart!” “I only hear the drums of war.” “You’re hurting me physically and emotionally.” “Becoming a crazy, fiery bad boy has made you even more of a babe.” “It’s a real magic flying carpet!” “We lost him to the flames of war!” “You got any lotion? Your skin is so... Hydrated.” “Aw man, I don’t think you should play this game ever again.” “Look at all these thirsty customers!” “Ice cream pies for all our hot new friends.” “Jeez, who sneezed in your cornflakes?” “Look, weird lady - I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but we’re the only sane people left in this crazy, mixed-up world.” “Lets get in there and mash their potatoes!” “My children have come home.” “Oh, a dragon, how fun!” “I see you’ve been playing with matches.” “Fight me, nerd!” “Ooh! Are we wrastlin’? Fun!” “Everyone I know is spazzing out on each other.” “Is this the end? Will I be the last witness to the glory of this world that I chose above all others?” “I don’t think I can save the world on my own.” “Curse these superior genes.” “Your face tastes like my happy place.” “My little Sugarplum - you’ve returned to accept your sweet fate!” “This charade has run it’s course.” “In your hearts, you are all sweet!”

Skyhooks II

“You left my friend down there.” “Don’t worry, I’ve got a new plan - a plan where nothing that happens here matters.” “He sees me like a handsome older brother.” “Its me! I’m saving your tight butt!” “Maybe you’re not made of the same stuff as us.” “No more learning!” “Huh, musta dozed off. And bound myself.” “People say ‘you shouldn’t live in the past.’ But I say ‘why not?’“ “This book is strange, but when you puzzle it out, it’s mostly all charges and frequencies.” “My wonderful ___ will never become this sad, pathetic creature strewn before me.” “I thought I could do it, but I can’t. Being with you is like looking at my old life through a funhouse mirror.” “I think you need to be the most ‘you’ that you’ve ever been.” “I do believe in myself. I’m a blossoming debutante on the war path.” “Just relax, you’ll be obliterated soon.” “I - I guess I’m a special person, and I am worthy of respect!” “Can you turn this off and we can talk, maybe?” “Boy, did I fail deep.” “Maybe I’ll try again in another thousand years.” “I’m not sticking around to see how this ends.” “I didn’t like being ditched earlier.” “I already saved your life, so quit telling me what to DO!” “You mean these jewels love me more than they love those dum dums?” “You bossed him back to normal!” “The jelly is out of the tube!” “Oh, blessings. What a trip.” “Uh... Did you recently get a haircut?” “Please be careful with yourself.” “I’m... A hero.” “You really donked up.” “You and I can fix whatever this is, together. Whenever.” “I was really scared when you left.” “I love you.”

#adventure time rp meme #rp meme #sentence starters #roleplay meme

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stelyost · 6 years

Text

utau vbs.notes

journal note-to-self item to help with mental organization.

definitely not because i ate too much food to lay down or trying to stave off gut pain

others can read if they want. (read more point / mobile)

I still don’t want to set a concrete release date, seems I keep pushing things back but only out of necessity because in my life I apparently work too fuckin’ much to the point of it getting really unhealthy at points.

I originally wanted Galvan THEORY and Denki PROOF released in 2016 or 2017, but alas both the time and the energy eluded my grasp in both those years, so I think people assume I’ve given up on them when in actuality I’m really determined to get back to working on them and getting it done at whatever point.

But yeah, I promise I haven’t given up on the voicebanks I’ve just been insanely busy trying to get that work/life balance under control ... obviously, it hasn’t been kind to me in the slightest. My life in terms of work and living situation has actually settled down within recent timeframes-- veeerry gradually and over a relatively long period of time though. Imagine it trickling out in specks like from a funnel or hourglass. I've tried to shake it violently to get it to go out faster, but it can only move so much really. sometimes it gets congested further when I try to force it out faster.

So I do believe after Boo:ooM’s raw animation/illustration work and last few freelance items are done, I can get back to actually working on my voicebanks and the songs that I’ve put on hold since forever... well, I cannot start immediately after, but after a personal vacation I will be able to. - I guess the monthly range of August-September-October is when booting up my YT / Tumblr / Twitter / website stuff again may happen... But all are very tentative, prone to change... and all assuming an errant gigantic aircraft carrier doesn’t decide to propel itself directly into my house and fuck my plans up.

The plus side is that my environment is so quiet that you could hear an ant hiccup, so i’m likely going to re-record some of the iffier voicebank pitches and be able to take my time doing so. it’s actually pretty exciting to think about, i haven’t actually been able to focus much on personal work for the greater portion of 2017 and 2016 in peace and quiet for primarily what is work and personal reasons. Working on ESC is definitely on my upcoming plate, but I may have to push the comic’s reboot launch to Autumn or Winter of 2018, because of work delays that were completely out of my control and cut completely into my personal time. I want to make sure that I’m actually ready when I restart posting again, and I want to release things again in a big explosion of awesome content -- so I gotta give myself enough time to prepare. On the audio side,

Denki Sai PROOF is looking like this ATM - likely going to end up as 5 pitches..

the pitches do not have names atm though because I’ve worked on Denki less than Galvan due to song mood preferences in covering stuff. ( Hey don’t blame me, work is hard and at the end of the day I want to relax, so I haven’t really been in a “Denki” song mood much even though he definitely needs testing )

Lowest Pitch (mid or low energy)

Lowish Pitch (mid energy)

Core Pitch (mid-high energy)

High Pitch (high energy)

Highest Pitch (highest energy) - needs rerecording

Galvan Ize THEORY is looking like this ATM- could end up as 5 or 6..

Dark ( ↓ ) (airy - low energy) - needs rerecording

Zero (Core) (airy - low energy)

Svelte (S) (airy/solid - lowish energy)

Aero ( ↑ ) (airy - mid energy) - needs rerecording

Cynosure (C) (energetic - mid/high energy)

Ex (!) (high energy) -> honestly unsure about this pitch, might get rid of, just to make the pitches even between the two banks anyway.. or re-record

I want to do a lot of special visual things for THEORY and PROOF even besides polishing off their voicebanks. Some of the planned razzle dazzle include -

box artwork (even though i’m likely never going to sell them commercially, i’ve always wanted to give it an “official release” with a product-esque mock up )

various promotional illustrations

new reference pages including turn arounds, core outfit details, extra outfits, technical stuff, expressions

additional transparency poses for cover artists

cool videos... i hope

After PROOF and THEORY are done, I’ll probably try to also finish ACRYLIC in a minor release, since i know a lot of people seemed to like her when I initially demoed her. Caeles may stop in development because I have been unable to make a good quality or usable VB for him beyond his initial VCV or I may change his voice provider to someone else, but I haven’t finalized any decisions on that front yet. I am likely going to change the microphone that i’m currently using, to something more high quality since I’ve been eyeing better sound studio equipment upgrades, so any new voicebanks that I record after those will be a lot better, hopefully. Otherwise I’ll try to see about reworking and releasing unreleased USTs, Covers, Arranges... Originals... sung stuff, etc... that I’ve never been able to release over the years, to YT or something. Just so it’s out there at last, at least. I’m gonna really comb over everything I’ve ever done since I’ve started the utau hobby and evaluate if it’s within my realm of ability to finish in a nice way.

In terms of specific things I’m planning for after PROOF/THEORY/ACRYLIC post mic upgrade, I actually want to record more experimental but smaller sized Denki/Galvan banks, just so people have more variety to work with, and mix-match with. Probably bi-pitch or tri-pitch stuff. Small low-pressure releases. Possibly record a serious voicebank for Hyorei Honou with a proper JP accent. Dunno. All are notes but it helps to type out just so I can keep track of stuff, I guess. Time to sleep so I can go back to do more work lol.

#steel.txt

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rinnnyxr · 3 years

Text

Bold if you can touch them from where you’re sitting

1. A remote control. 2. A cell phone. 3. A pillow. 4. Sharpie markers. 5. A glass of water. 6. A stuffed animal. 7. A box of make-up. 8. Old notebooks from school. 9. A book with more than a hundred pages. 10. A pet.

Bold if you have done these this week

1. Saw an old friend. 2. Danced or sung to music. 3. Listened to Michael Jackson’s music. 4. Spent a night in Brooklyn. 5. Planned the Fourth of July. 6. Ate something disgusting. 7. Cooked your friends food. 8. Cleaned your room. 9. Went to a party. 10. Took a friend’s dog for a walk.

Bold if you love them

1. Hugs and kisses. 2. Romantic dates. 3. Hanging out on rooftops. 4. Taking the train. 5. Making fun of tourists. 6. Eating at restaurants. 7. Chocolate. 8. Reality television. 9. Cute boys. 10. Photography.

Bold if you listen to them

1. Passion Pit. 2. Nirvana. 3. The Strokes. 4. Lady Gaga. 5. City and Colour. 6. Tegan and Sara. 7. The Kooks. 8. The Clash. 9. Kanye West. 10. Pink Floyd.

Bold if these items are in your bag/purse

1. Hand sanitizer. 2. Lotion. 3. A make-up bag. 4. Phone 5. Pens. 6. A notebook. 7. Random change. 8. Metro Card. 9. A reading book. 10. A wallet.

Bold if you like doing these things on your free time

1. Traveling to other cities with friends. 2. Going out to eat with family or friends. 3. Visiting museums around your city. 4. Volunteering at your local animal shelter. 5. Going to the movies. 6. Walking around taking pictures. 7. Meeting new people. 8. Going to parties. 9. Reading books. 10. Painting.

Bold if you find these traits attractive in your preferred sex

1. A good sarcastic and witty sense of humor. 2. Intelligence and knowledge. 3. Soft hair. 4. A gorgeous and genuine smile. 5. Some sensitivity. 6. Similar taste in music. 7. Outgoing. 8. Fun-loving. 9. Honesty. 10. Good family values.

How Girlie Are You?

My toenails are almost always painted. During the summer pretty much the only shoes I wear are flip flops or go barefoot. My favorite toy as a child were Barbies. My favorite color is pink or purple. I did gymnastics. I love skirts/skorts. Hollister is my favorite place to shop. Tight jeans are the only jeans I’ll wear. I love chocolate. TOTAL SO FAR: 4

I straighten my hair. I have at least 8 Facebook pictures. I usually go shopping once a week. I love to hang out with friends. I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace. I’ve gone to a tanning salon. I’ve gone to the beach to tan - not to swim. I have at least 10 pairs of shoes. I watch(ed) either The OC, Laguna Beach OR Desperate Housewives. I change my profile weekly. I have worn a shower cap. TOTAL SO FAR: 6

I would NEVER step foot into Hot Topic. My cell phone might as well become a part of me. I wear mascara every day. I’ve been or am on a diet. Bathing suits are adorable. I don’t know the difference between a sheep and a goat. Big sunglasses are hot. I have gotten my nails done. I own over 10 purses. Music is one of my favorite channels. TOTAL SO FAR: 11

I like to talk about boys. I like to have other people do my hair. I like to give and receive hugs from all my friends. I hate bugs. Carnivals are so fun! Summer is THE best season. My swimsuit has 2 pieces. I’m waiting for my knight in shining armor. Musicians are hot. You write me a poem and tell me I’m beautiful and I’m all yours. TOTAL SO FAR: 18

I’m self-conscious. I cry often. My room smells like vanilla. My dishes get washed more than once a week. I don’t do sports. I hate to run. I squeal when I am surprised. I eat dried fruit as a snack. I love romance novels. Drew Barrymore is so cute. TOTAL SO FAR: 26

I dance a lot. I usually spend over an hour to get ready to leave my house. My hair is important. I love to get dressed up. Every part of my outfit needs to match. I talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends. I’d love to have a photoshoot of myself. The price of clothes hardly matters. I apply lipgloss 50 times a day. I wish I looked like a model. TOTAL SO FAR: 33

I wish I could meet Paris Hilton. R&B is the best music. I pop my collar. Guys with Mohawks are GROSS! Horses are beautiful. I never pay attention in school. Cats are adorable. TOTAL SO FAR: 35

I write my own music. I would love to visit Hawaii. Valentine’s Day is so cute! White is better than black. I wouldn’t be caught dead in all black. My closet is STOCK FULL of clothes. I hate the grunge look of a beard. I love to read magazines. TOTAL SO FAR: 37

I love to gossip. I love Celine Dion. My baths are 2 hours long. My wedding only needs a groom because it’s already planned. My friends and I are in a strict group. We mostly only hang out with each other. I like kids. Diet drinks are the best. I have been a vegetarian. I refuse to eat at McDonald’s. TOTAL SO FAR: 38

I check my Facebook every day. I have a lot of jewelry. Claire[s] has cheap jewelry. My screen name[s] have X’s in them. Either one of my MSN names has/had <3/♥’s in them. I would never want to be the opposite sex. I have more than 3 pillows on my bed. TOTAL: 39

Below 40 = Not girlie. Above 40 = Girlie. Above 55 = Paris Hilton.

1. I have a strong immune system 2. I think it’s cute when a guy is close with his mom 3. I wear gray eyeliner 4. I cannot finish an entire pizza on my own, unless it’s individual-sized 5. I don’t eat pickles by themselves 6. ^ I only have them in burgers, if at all 7. I refuse to wear neon colors 8. My favorite color from the rainbow is blue 9. I don’t like sleeping with socks on unless it’s really cold 10. I prefer glue sticks to bottled glue 11. I don’t like soy milk 12. But I do like soy burgers 13. I prefer Kosher hot dogs to normal ones 14. I currently have a hickey 15. It bothers me when people borrow my things without asking 16. I visit the postsecret website every Sunday 17. I’ve been to Las Vegas 18. I’ve never left my country 19. I live in California 20. I can almost do the splits 21. I like making people smile when they’re sad 22. ^ but I don’t like it when people are sad 23. Watching others yawn makes me yawn as well 24. I’ve wished on a shooting star 25. I’ve never climbed a tree 26. I’m a bookworm 27. I started puberty at a young age 28. Humidity makes my hair have static 29. ^ I hate that 30. It’s hard to get on my bad side 31. And it’s even harder to get back on my good side 32. I’m currently sleepy but I don’t want to sleep yet 33. I do not have a bed time 34. But I have a curfew 35. I like spinach 36. I’d love to work at a book store or a pet store 37. I love the smell of coffee 38. I type pretty fast 39. I have a flip flop tan 40. I don’t like it when people touch my feet

I have been watching a lot more television lately. I usually just let my hair dry after washing it.

I’ve been considering getting a new tattoo soon.

I’ve been thinking about my future a lot more lately.

I love going to thrift stores and garage sales.

I have never smoked a cigarette.

I love goofy cartoons like Spongebob and Adventure Time.

I am generally good with kids. I got to sleep in today :). I text at least one of my parents just about every day.

I’ve been trying to broaden my taste in music lately.

Sometimes I like to eat dry cereal, without milk or anything. I’m pretty good at keeping secrets.

I’ve been reading a lot more books lately. Sometimes I can literally spend all day online.

I want to start working out, but it just seems like I have no motivation; I need a workout partner. I would much rather date a clean shaven guy over one who lets his beard grow out. I sometimes think about the hidden meaning behind movies, instead of just the obvious storyline. When I feel sick, I don’t like to be touched or bothered. I could really go for some pasta right now.

I love looking at Christmas lights and decorations.

I’ve made a few new friends recently.

I get cranky when I am hungry.

I find it easier to dress cute in the winter than in the summer.

I usually just go barefoot when I’m hanging out around my house.

I still have a basic phone, while all my friends have cool iPhones and such.

When I hear about a celebrity’s nude picture being posted online, I sometimes look it up.

Whenever I make a survey, I enjoy reading other people’s responses to my questions.

I would love to go skydiving or bungee jumping.

I would love to have some kind of fruit tree in my yard.

I find other cultures interesting.

I still have some of my toys from when I was little. I’ve been procrastinating on something, and I really just need to get it over with.

I love when it gets cold out, so I can cuddle up on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa. I love 50’s pinup style.

I really don’t like talking on the phone, I’d much rather just text the person. I wish I had that one friend that I could tell everything to.

I don’t feel like going to a bar is my kind of thing, I’d much rather just hang out with a few friends at home.

I dislike some foods, not because of the flavor, but because of the texture, or how it looks.

I get sunburnt fairly easily. I love giving and getting surprises. I’ve been spending a lot of time away from home lately.

I don’t really enjoy muffins, they are so dry!

I don’t really like sour foods or candy.

One of my good friends recently had a baby

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fromherlips · 6 years

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a hunt for christmas decor - a cake for breakfast drabble

words cannot describe how much i’ve missed this fic and these two little lovebirds! christmas is easily one of vera’s favorite times of year, so enjoy a lil drabble about peppermint flavored drinks and the quest for some nice christmas decorations!

“Liam,” I whispered, poking him in the side. He shifted in his sleep, mumbling something incomprehensible. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have been trying to wake him up on a Saturday morning, but I’d taken a peek out the window after I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and couldn’t contain my excitement.

I sighed, flipping over onto my stomach with one of my legs slotted between Liam’s. I started with a kiss on his jaw, my chin grazing against the thick layer of stubble I’d asked him not to get rid of at the end of November. He groaned, his eyes still closed as I started a trail of kisses up the side of his jaw until the tip of my nose nudged his ear.

“Vera,” he mumbled, bringing one of his hands up to rest lazily on my waist. “I hate you right now.”

“You don’t mean that,” I murmured, dropping my hips until our bodies were touching. “Wake up.”

“I don’t even know what time it is but I can tell you it’s too early,” he grumbled, refusing to open his eyes.

I huffed, letting my chest collapse against his as I gave up trying to keep my balance on my hands. “It snowed,” I mumbled, my voice muffled by the skin of his bare shoulder as I adjusted my head on his chest. “It finally looks like Christmas.”

Liam hummed something, most likely an “mhm,” before his hand settled on the small of my back. In his defense, it was early and it wasn’t exactly the first snow of the year. But it was the first snow that completely covered the grounds and made Leeds look like a winter wonderland. And that, I figured, was a cause for a celebration.

“You’re so warm,” I murmured, cuddling closer to his bare chest. “Are you pretending to be asleep?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“Rude,” I scoffed.

“One might argue that it’s rude to wake up your sleeping boyfriend on a Saturday morning when it’s the only day he gets to sleep in.”

“It’s eight in the morning, how much longer can you sleep?” I asked incredulously.

“At least four more hours, ideally,” he grumbled. “Veeeee, I love you but I’m sleepy.”

“But I’ve barely seen you all week and it snowed and my favorite coffee place has peppermint lattes and festive pastries that always sell out during this time of year unless you go early,” I whined.

Liam sighed, rubbing small circles on my back. “I missed you too, Vee,” he said. “Work was manic, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I get it, trust me,” I replied. “I just got used to seeing you a few nights a week for so long and it was weird not to see you.”

“I know,” he replied. “You’re the only person I’d willingly wake up for at eight in the morning on a Saturday, you know that right?”

“It must be my magical persuasive powers, huh?” I asked, craning my neck so I could look at him. “Does this mean a yes to going out for coffees?”

Liam’s eyes opened slowly, still squinting as he looked down at me. “Give me a few minutes to wake up and then I’ll start getting ready.”

I nearly squealed but kept my volume under control so Liam didn’t silently grudge me all day for being too loud too early. “Thank you,” I hummed, leaning forward to peck him on the lips before rolling over onto my back again.

While Liam chose a standard grey hoodie and black joggers outfit, I might have gone a little too festive. Liam snorted when he saw my Christmas themed jumper, which in reality was just a fluffy white jumper with a huge reindeer face on it. I rolled my eyes at him, slipping on my bright red wool coat over it to fend off the cold.

Liam drove my car for the short five-minute trip, the weather too cold to make the walk like we normally would. Parking wasn’t terrible, but we still had a short ways to walk in the snow before we got to the warm coffee shop. When we got inside I couldn’t help but stop in the doorway and take a whiff of the ever so Christmassy scent of peppermint.

He grabbed us a table while I ordered us too of the peppermint lattes and a few of the pastries to split (mainly because I couldn’t choose which one I wanted). I balanced the drink carrier in one hand and the plate of food in the other, weaving through the occupied tables until I found Liam at one near the window.

“Couldn’t decide?” Liam asked, glancing down at the plate of food. “How do you feel now that it’s your favorite time of year.”

“Alive,” I breathed out, cupping my hands around the warm mug. “I’m so excited Liam, you have no idea. I get to not only help decorate my parents’ house this year but my flat too. I have two places to express my Christmas spirit and I am 100% here for it.”

“If you’d like a third place, Harry and I never decorate our flat,” Liam said. “I already asked and he said it’d be fine.”

“This is why I love you,” I sang, immediately taking a sip of the warm latte. “Speaking of though, any chance that you would want to accompany me to shop for some lights and baubles and all that fun stuff?”

“Name a time and place and I’ll be there,” Liam replied. “Why don’t we just go today or tomorrow actually. I’m sure you’re keen on getting then soon, yeah?”

“Well I mean, we’re already out so we might as well...” I said, my voice trailing off.

“Was this your plan all along?” he asked, quirking his brows.

“I’ll never tell,” I said before taking one long sip of my drink.

&&&

“Vera, should I be concerned about your shocking amount of Father Christmas hats or is this something I just shouldn’t even be surprised about?” Liam asked, holding the end of the strand of fairy lights while I carefully wrapped them around the base of my tree. “I think I already know the answer and it’s the latter, isn’t it?”

“You got it, babe,” I hummed, bobbing my head back and forth so the fuzzy bauble and silver bell on the end of the hat jingled atop my head. “I must say, you look just as charming with that hat on as well.”

Liam snorted, no doubt shaking his head at me. I stuck my tongue out at him as I emerged from behind the tree, reaching up my arms a bit higher so the lights began to gradually crawl up the branches. I had a box stuffed with various coordinating baubles and a star for the top of the tree set to the side of the tree and another with glittery decor pieces to add to my shelves and coffee table. We filled the boot of his car with the Christmas bits for his flat, setting a date for Tuesday night after we went to the gym (I had started to tag along a few months ago, mostly because Liam lifting weights was an incredibly sexy sight that I had missed the entire duration of our relationship).

“When’s our hot chocolate break?” Liam asked, now hoisting me up every few seconds so I could adjust the lights at the top of the tree without using a chair or something else to step on. I waited until the edge of the strand of lights was secured just beneath where the star would be placed, tapping Liam’s wrist so he knew when to set me back down.

“Ideally after we put up the baubles, but I suppose we could have it now as long as you promise that we will get it decorated tonight,” I replied. “And just know, that even if you don’t help, I will stay up all night doing it myself.”

Liam laughed, wrapping his arms around my waist so he could pull my body to his. I propped my chin on the tops of his shoulder, letting my chest melt against his as he hugged me closer. “I’ll help you, Vee,” Liam murmured, pressing a kiss against the top of my head. “After hot chocolate because I know you splurged and got the good kind two weeks ago.”

“Using me for my artisanal hot chocolate, tsk tsk,” I said. “Alright, I’ll start on the hot chocolates.”

“Thank you,” he sang, tightening his hold on me so he could pick me up and twirl me around twice. “Love you!”

“Mhm,” I hummed, slipping out of his arms, but not before pecking him on the cheek. I could hear Liam cleaning up in the lounge, clearing out the boxes from the lights and baubles that I unboxed and needed to recycle. I preferred storing my Christmas decorations in my own boxes, ones that were easier to look into and keep hidden because they were much less bulky.

I was in the middle of putting the whipped cream on the top of our drinks when the Christmas music started to play, no doubt Liam’s doing as he connected his phone to my Bluetooth speaker. He must’ve put on an acoustic Christmas playlist, a soft hum of calming festive tunes filling the silence of the flat. I swayed back and forth as I walked back into the lounge, ready to join Liam on the sofa as he sat down and relaxed for the first time since we’d left the house that morning to fetch coffee and Christmassy pastries.

“For you,” I said, handing over one of the snowman mugs to Liam. “Hope it tastes alright.”

“I’m sure it fantastic, Vera,” Liam replied. “Ah, you went for the Father Christmas mug.”

“This one is a favorite of mine,” I replied, looking down at the massive red mug in my hands. “That snowman one is nice too though. They’re big so they hold a lot of coffee.”

Liam snorted. “Clearly a priority for you.”

“Hush now and drink the hot chocolate you begged for,” I snarled jokingly, nudging him in the back of his calf with my foot. “Love you, babe!”

“I really feel the love right now,” he grumbled, bringing the rim of the mug to his mouth. I watched as the whipped cream got caught on his mustache, leaving a faint white line on the top of his mouth when he pulled the mug away. He tried to lick it off, sticking his tongue out and running it along his top lip. Finally, with a huff, he used his thumb to wipe off the excess whipped cream, licking it off to get rid of it once and for all.

“Is it alright?”

“It’s very nice, Vee,” he assured me. “But I figured while we’re sitting here, I have something I want to ask you. Or rather, suggest, I guess.”

I nodded, quirking a brow while I waited for him to continue. “What’s up?”

“Well, it’s about Christmas,” he replied. “I know last year we split up for Christmas, but since we’re obviously a little further into our relationship than we were last year, I was kind of thinking about what might happen this year.”

“Ahuh,” I said, urging him to go along.

“So, I guess I just had an idea of how to work it out,” he said. “I figured we could do Christmas Eve with your family and then Christmas morning so you could open presents with your sisters. And then have Christmas dinner and Boxing Day with my family in Birmingham. I know you probably have traditions with your family and I’m sure I could work it out with my family that I just come another time or maybe we could just switch between families each year and–”

“Liam,” I said, interrupting his rambling. “I think that sounds like a really good idea.”

“Which one?” he asked. “Because I like the splitting it between Christmas Eve and morning and then Christmas dinner and Boxing Day.”

“Me too,” I replied. “I really appreciate that you’d want me to spend Christmas morning with my sisters. That’s a big day for them, I reckon they look forward to it all year.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Liam replied. “I just…want to find something that works for us, you know?”

“Of course,” I said. “And I want to see your family for the holidays. You know I adore your parents and sisters.”

“They think you’re the loveliest person they’ve ever met,” Liam told me. “I…well my mum asked if we were coming for the holidays and I told her I wasn’t sure what we were doing yet and she made me tell her everything you liked and disliked about Christmas dinner and…”

“Liam, you are adorable when you ramble,” I told him, resting my head on his shoulder. “I am absolutely okay with this arrangement. I think it would be the best way to spend the holiday, don’t you?”

He nodded, keeping one hand wrapped around the mug while he used his free arm to snake around my shoulder. “Time with your family, my family, and you? Sounds like my ideal holiday.”

“You’re such a sap,” I replied. “I really better start going through my Pinterest boards to find the best desserts to make for Christmas dinner. I really need to step it up for my first Payne Christmas. Do you think they prefer biscuits? What about cake? Cupcakes? Breads? Liam, I’m really going to need your guidance. Oh! Are there any dietary restrictions? No, right? Any allergies? Liam, are you listening?”

He had begun laughing somewhere between cake and cupcakes, shaking his head when it became my turn to ramble. Liam rubbed his thumb against my arm, brushing against the cozy fabric of my jumper. “We can talk more about this later, perhaps after we finish up with the baubles,” he said.

“Fine, but as soon as this flat looks like my version of Christmas threw up on it, we’re coming back to this dessert conversation, okay?” I asked, faking my best stern look as I craned my neck to look at him. He immediately burst into laughter, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss against my lips.

“Okay Vera,” he replied, leaning his forehead against mine. “Now drink your delicious hot chocolate and let’s listen to some holiday music, yeah?”

“Alright, alright,” I agreed, wrapping my hands around the warm mug. “But I’m holding you to this!”

“Trust me, Vee, I know,” he sighed.

#holiday 2017 #1dff #cake for breakfast #liam payne fanfiction #liam payne fics #I MISS THESE TWO SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA

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what-even-is-thiss · 7 years

Text

The Four Seasons, Missing

AAAAAAHHH! I’m finally writing more of this! And there are mortals in it this time! Well, barely. So, if you’re just catching up, this is more of the Norse Mythology/Seasons au for the sanders sides. Here is the first one I wrote, and here is the origins story. Reminder: Roman is summer, Anxiety is fall, Logic is winter, and Morality is spring, and their ages are in that same order. Forgive me for using google translate. Okay, let’s do this.

Tip Jar

Warnings: None I can think of. 2,086 words.

Abstract: A modern day myth. The myth of an abnormal year.

Autumn walked over yet another building. The summer was extremely hot this time around. He was in the mood to cut it short, if only he could find him.

“Where are you, you prep?” He mumbled to the desert landscape.

Autumn removed his hoodie and held it over himself as a shade. The hot Arizona heat was making him irritable. He caught a breeze and rode it to the top of the Chase Tower, the tallest building in the city. From there he scanned the city streets, looked out into the suburbs, and looked out at the mountains. He sensed nothing.

Autumn glided down to the hot cement below, mumbling curses to himself. This summer, his highness, as he and the others often called him behind his back, had not returned home once. The cabin was usually hot and dry this time of year, but not this hot. The trees were beginning to become dehydrated, which was beginning to make Spring distressed. Autumn had to cut this off now.

Autumn knew about Phoenix. He knew how hot Summer let it get here, but somehow this year was worse. It had been over a hundred and ten degrees Fahrenheit for over a week. Even for Phoenix that was a bit much. He had to be around here. He had to be.

Reluctantly, Autumn ducked behind a building on his walk and tied the hoodie around his waist before making himself visible to the mortal eye. He was going to regret this. He just knew it.

Humans. So many humans, even with the heat. He leaned against a tree and tried to psych himself up to talk to someone.

Ugh. This was hard for him. Spring and Summer talked to mortals all the time. Summer flirted and made friends and went to parties. Spring played with children and playful adults and complimented random people. Winter didn’t talk much, but if he wanted to or needed to he had no problem. Autumn, on the other hand, was terrified of approaching people.

He swallowed hard. Just talk to one. Summer loved showing himself to mortals and it is really hot here. Its really likely he’s been here.

He began walking up to humans and fighting through his social anxiety to talk to them. None of them he talked to had seen a guy that kind of looked like him but in a gold jacket and white shirt or skater t-shirt or something wearing sunglasses.

After a while he simply couldn’t take the heat anymore and felt like he was going to pass out, so Autumn rode the winds home.

He opened the door noisily with his hoodie tied around his waist. It was over a hundred and ten degrees outside. In here it was only ninety.

“Shut the door! Shut it!” Came an irritated voice from the other side of the large one room hall.

Winter was sitting on his bed with his shirt halfway unbuttoned looking like he wanted to kill someone as Spring set up another fan next to him and he held a bag of ice to his head.

Autumn closed the big wooden door.

“Hey, big brother!” Spring said happily despite the sweat sitting on his forehead. “Any luck?”

“Afraid not. His highness, lord of deserts and drunken beach parties is nowhere to be found.”

“Did you check Phoenix?” Winter asked.

“Yes. I spent a good portion of today in Phoenix. I was saving it for last though because you know how I hate that place when he’s in charge.”

“Whyyyy do mortals even live there?” Winter groaned. “Augh. Its even worse than here.”

Fall went to a freezer in the corner and pulled a bag of ice out before throwing it at Winter who caught it despite his diminished reflexes.

“Why don’t you go to Canada or something? Man, you morons hardly ever leave the house when its not your season. Canada is nice this time of year by both of your standards.”

“What about by your standards?” Spring asked.

“You know the answer to that. Nothing impresses me.”

“What about Led Zeppelin? Winter asked, holding the new bag of ice to his forehead.

“Hey, Jimmy Page was hot. You can’t blame me for going to a lot of their concerts.”

“Was?” Spring said in confusion.

“I was going to lead into something but I don’t remember what.” Winter said, taking off his glasses and rubbing his head.

“You were talking about Led Zeppelin.” Spring said helpfully, getting Winter to lie down and putting a damp washcloth on his brother’s forehead.

“Ah, correct. The heat is dulling my senses.”

“What else is new?” Autumn murmured under his breath.

“I was going to mention that you spent a lot of time following them around during their 1975 tour. You barely remembered to find Summer that year to stop him, and I actually had to find you to get you to relinquish control.”

Autumn folded his arms, indicating that he was both annoyed and thinking.

“So, you’re thinking that our big bro has a new boy toy he’s stalking?”

“Correct. And if he gets distracted, well…”

‘Drought!” Spring said excitedly.

“Spring, buddy, that’s a bad thing.” Autumn said as patiently as he could.

“Uh, drought. Noooo.” Spring said, trying to sound more upset.

“There we go.” Said Autumn.

“Just find him!” Winter complained.

“Well, if he’s got a new crush there’s only one person to talk to.” Autumn said.

Spring audibly gasped. “You don’t mean?”

“Yup. Her. And you’re coming with me. She hates you the least.”

“Oh sure. Perfectly reasonable to just leave the one who relies on cold to survive at the house during summer.” Winter said.

“Quit your passive aggressive moaning and go cause some mayhem in Australia or something.” Autumn said. “Come on, Spring. We need to call in a favor.”

Freja sat on her throne of wood, looking in a hand mirror, putting on eyeliner. She did not want to go into battle looking like she had just rolled out of bed.

Suddenly there was a whoosh of mixed warm and cold air and it was so distracting her hand slipped. A line of liquid eyeliner was now going down the right side of her flawless face.

“Who DARES…” she began before seeing who it was.

“We dares.” Said Autumn, waving with two fingers pointing up and pressed together. “Sup?”

“Hiiiiii!” Spring said. “Woah, your makeup’s looking a little out of line there, isn’t it?”

“Would you… not make puns when we’re here on business?” Autumn asked.

“I can’t help myself. I just have to spring into it.” Spring said, a huge goofy grin on his face.

“Pardon me, but why are you here? Whenever you show your faces it never means anything good.” Freja said, fishing around in her purse for a makeup wipe.

“Well, you’d be right about that!” Spring said happily.

Freja looked at him in confusion. “How can a god be that powerful and stupid at the same time?”

“Ya met Thor?” Autumn said, raising his eyebrows in a condescending manner.

“Fair enough. Why are you here? You hardly ever talk to the gods.” Freja said, beginning the process of fixing her eyeliner.

“Summer’s gone missing.” Spring said.

Freja’s hand slipped again and the makeup wipe flew down to her blush, undoing a lot of the work she had done there.

“What? You cannot find him?” She said. “But you are the only ones that can keep track of each other.”

“And it gives me stress.” Spring said, his smile unwavering.

“Same.” Autumn added.

“So why are you telling me this? I am a very busy goddess.” She said, removing the rest of her makeup because what was the point anymore

“We think he’s found a new boy toy.” Autumn said. “That’s usually enough to distract him.”

“Is this anything like what happened with Jimmy Page?” She asked.

“So she does know! Alright!” Spring said as Autumn blushed a deep pink that showed through his pale makeup.

Freja thought for a moment. “Yes, I think he is infatuated with someone, but I can never pinpoint any of you. Unless you’re standing right in front of me.” She said, gesturing angrily to them.

“Well, you’ll have a story to tell all your friends.” Autumn said. “That’s all we seem to be, really. Conversation starters.”

“But not with Ægir.” Spring said.

“Yeah, not with him.” Fall agreed.

“I think I might be able to tell you which continent though. If I concentrate hard enough. But why would I do that for you? I have to fight a bitch that was insulting my outfit the other day. He is going down.” Freja said, murder building in her steely blue eyes.

“Fighting people isn’t nice.” Spring said matter-of-factly.

“I’m a war goddess. Now get moving. You look like a young suburban dad and a tacky hot topic customer.” She scoffed.

“You’re going to help us.” Autumn said, folding his arms as a threat grew in his deep brown eyes.

“And why is that, tall, dark, and brooding?”

“Because we know just how many dwarfs you’ve slept with for jewelry and one time I hid a cursed hat for you.” Spring said happily.

“We see a lot of things, girlie. Remember what happened when you got that?” Fall said, getting close to her and pointing at the intricate amulet hanging around her neck. “Odin made you start war among men to get it back. What’s he gonna make you do if he finds out you’ve been doing that same thing for over five thousand years? Something much worse than war, I’m guessing.”

“And if we can’t find Summer its only gonna get hotter. We have you cornered!” Spring added happily.

“He is… much less stupid than Thor.” Freja remarked nervously.

“And a lot more dangerous than he looks.” Autumn admitted.

Summer sat on a bench staring longingly at the young man that had fallen asleep next to him. Yes, this was perhaps the best month he had experienced in many decades. He brushed back the man’s braids to get a better look at his dark face. So perfect, so…

“France, huh?” Said a voice behind him. “I didn’t know you liked French boys.”

Summer jumped. It was Fall. The boy sitting next to him was startled awake and began making some surprised declarations in French.

“ Þú ættir að byrja að keyra” Autumn said, a playful threat in his voice.

Summer did start running. He flew through the streets of Paris, never stopping for an instant. He crossed the river in one bound, but the second oldest followed closely behind.

Summer ducked behind buildings and between mortals, invisible to their eyes. He thought about making his way into the French countryside, but that always just made it easier for the other. Autumn was faster than him.

Some years the chase went on for days or weeks. This was not one of those years.

Autumn sat happily on Summer’s back, pinning him down.

“Well, right under the Eiffel Tower. Don’t think I’ve ever caught you here before. I’ll have to add this to the list. Statue of Zeus, Taj Mahal, Battle of Chickamauga, and the Eiffel Tower.”

“Why do you always include the battle on there?” Summer asked, fighting his way up.

Autumn let him go. “Because you refuse to run around interesting places. Its a short list. By the way, next time don’t get so distracted.”

Summer put his sunglasses on. “You’re one to talk, Led Zeppelin.”

“That was one time! Uh, I have to get to work. You made it pretty hot.”

“Oh really?” Summer asked, looking at his younger brother over his sunglasses.

“Not like that! You’ve doomed the west coast for several years to come! I hate it when you do that. This is the dust bowl all over again.”

“Hey, I was really drunk. I don’t even remember most of 1930.”

“Oy. Just go home.” Autumn said.

Summer did go home. As soon as he opened the door he was greeted by a book to the face that knocked him over completely.

“What!?” He yelled.

“Welcome home.” Winter said, giving him a hand up.

“I hate you.” Summer said, taking the hand.

“Spring is out visiting a mortal friend. Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Can it be Pixar?’ Summer asked, rubbing the bump on his head.

“Yes, but I get to choose which one.”

“So, Wall-E then.” Summer said, opening the cupboard looking for jiffy pop.

“Precisely.”

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