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#I’ve been seeing a lot of 9 and 10 ams

lavndrmy · 11 months

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Astro Venus Observations (Based On My Opinion and Experienced) 💋💋

Side note: don’t take this seriously for these are only my opinion and experiences, relax and enjoy ❤️‍🔥

Aries Venus❤️‍🔥: these people falls quickly in love and falls out of love quickly too and thats something I don’t like about them because if you’re looking for a long term relationship this is not it but I love how straightforward there are its just they love die quickly but overall 6/10

Taurus Venus❤️‍🔥: I’ve never been in relationship with one but I think they can get possessive of their partner and I think they can actually find stability within the relationship but the ones that I know that had this placement was they cheated on their partner at some point of their life so I guess thats that idk overall 6/10

Gemini Venus❤️‍🔥: Well here comes the devil. These are the players its true about the rumours everyone been talking about they aren’t loyal and they never will be I mean yall really have about 10 people to text everytime and switch partner everytime I just can’t deal with that shit I am a libra venus a fellow air venus too but this is too much guys maybe its because of my venus-saturn aspect but you guys annoyed me tbh but you guys actually pays attention to details about your partner and I love yall for that overall 4/10

Cancer Venus❤️‍🔥: this is actually my favorite venus placement out of all. I love this placement because they are actually a loving and loyal partner they like a warm comfy blanket in a cold winter whenever you need one I love how much they express their love towards you but one thing I don’t like is their clinginess I mean its cool but everyone need their space once in a blue moon and they are protective of their partner and can get possessive too overall 10/10

Leo Venus❤️‍🔥: Another one of my favorite. Leo venus can be loyal and I’m actually really shocked because they are a fire venus after all but their loyalty is unmatched their always shows off their partner and they always expresses how their feels towards you and how gorgeous you are they just makes you feel like you are the only one yk they aren’t afraid to show you how they really feel overall 10/10

Virgo venus❤️‍🔥: I don’t know know much about virgo venus but they actually pays attention to details about their partner I bet they are the ones who have all the dates planned or the one to remember their anniversary or their partner’s birthday they love language might be act of service I can see myself having a long term relationship with them overall 8/10

Libra Venus❤️‍🔥: Hi babes as a fellow libra venus we can get flirty and a player too sometimes but I think that depends on the person other placement too because libra venus can actually be loyal I have known many with placement that are actually in long term relationship with their partner as a libra venus I think our love language is word of affirmation like as much as we love romance we need reassurance too so if you’re not a romantic one I can assure you they will lose interest in you overall 8/10

Scorpio Venus❤️‍🔥: I actually love this placement too I love how obsessed and possessive they are with their partner but not in a very toxic way though I love the darkness they are actually very attractive and seductive I love how their stare at their partner some of the men with this placement can cheat on their partner or can be a player too but once their find their special person their loyalty is unmatched like no any other overall 9/10

Sagittarius Venus❤️‍🔥: now if you love a travel partner get you a Sagittarius venus I know people with this placement love to travel with their partner, this placement can have commitment issues too I see a lot of people with this placement having issues with settling down with their partner most of the times sagittarius venus always ends up with another sagittarius venus maybe they attract each other? who knows overall 6/10

Capricorn Venus❤️‍🔥: now if you’re all about stability and loyalty all at the same time get yourself a capricorn venus because they will provide you with all that you need. I really admire this placement because they just know what they want who they want most the times they are the type to plan a marriage right away once they find their special person overall 8/10

Aquarius Venus❤️‍🔥: these placement is actaully a friends to lovers type of relationship they actually finds love on friendship because without friendship they can’t establish a relationship with you now they are an air venus after all they need spaces and boundaries a lot of the times so they don’t like possessive and clingy people because this will make them lose interest overall 6/10

Pisces Venus❤️‍🔥: these people are very romantic and lovey dovey kinda people its so cute but I think their love language is gift giving they actually loves giving their partner gifts they are a sucker for love type of people they just have that homie vibe to them the type of partner where you could come home to overall 7/10

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promptful · 2 years

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50 Reasons to Share a Bed

I am SO SOFT for this. Call me basic, but it's my favorite trope. I love it so much. I will take any excuse to write it. DO NOT ADD.

WARNINGS: Illness. Kidnapping mentions. Injuries. Death/dying mentions. Vague spice.

1) Because you’re sick.

2) Because there’s only one bed, and it feels wrong to let you sleep on the floor.

3) Because I have the thicker blanket out of the two of us.

4) Because you won’t stop clinging to me on the couch.

5) Because you have a broken leg, and I don’t want the guilt of leaving you here all by yourself.

6) Because your health is deteriorating, and I don’t want to miss your final breaths.

7) Because you’re crying as if I’m about to disappear.

8) Because this is what we’ve done since we were kids, regardless of the adult implications now.

9) Because it’s so cold that I can see my breath, and tangling together is the best way to warm up.

10) Because your house was broken into.

11) Because you fear the dark, or what’s in the dark.

12) Because you’re scared to lose me.

13) Because your room is flooded.

14) Because I would rather you sleep here than with someone else.

15) Because you can’t afford a hotel room.

16) Because I prefer your heartbeat as my sound-soother.

17) Because I prefer your phone as my night light.

18) Because I prefer your weight to my weighted blanket.

19) Because you were kidnapped, and I won’t let anyone else get to you again.

20) Because I don’t trust anyone else to take care of you like I can.

21) Because you feel most protected with me.

22) Because what’s the difference between snuggling and hugging? (A lot.)

23) Because you’re visiting and need a place to stay.

24) Because we’re too caught up in the past to remember that we broke up.

25) Because we drank too much last night.

26) Because you fell asleep on my shoulder, and I carried you to bed.

27) Because my bed is the most comfortable.

28) Because you keep the nightmares away.

29) Because we’ve just married and we’re taking things slowly.

30) Because this is an arranged marriage.

31) Because I have nowhere else to go.

32) Because we don’t trust each other, we have no option than to keep one another close.

33) Because I’m dying, and I don’t want to leave any regrets.

34) Because I’ve been kicked out, and you’re the only safe place to go.

35) Because you’ve let me crash so many times before.

36) Because I love the way you wrap around me.

39) Because the little hums you make against my ear to send me to sleep also send warmth down my body.

40) Because your fingertips over my muscles send me to sleep.

41) Because your cat sleeps on my chest. (I’m not here for you… of course.)

42) Because it’s between you and the outdoors.

43) Because we’re making a mistake.

44) Because your breakfast is my favorite thing.

45) Because we’re best friends.

46) Because this is the first time I’ve ever seen you cry.

47) Because everyone else left you.

48) Because I’ll always be the one to patch you up.

49) Because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

50) Because I love you.

#writing prompt #otp prompts #prompt list #story prompt #writing prompts #creative writing #fanfiction prompts #rp starters #writeblr #cw: illness #cw: injuries #cw: death #cw: kidnapping #p.

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flynnriderishot · 3 months

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wanted to come say that i truly so adore you and your work and whether or not people agree, your opinion is valid and you shouldn’t be getting hate for it ☺️❤️ i love you and everyone else loves you too. you are one of the best sturniolo writers on this app and i would hate to see you leave just because people are mean

onto a better note: WHERE IS CUTE PT4 BABE??

cute pt.4 - m.s

a/n: thank you so much for the kind words, you have no idea how much it means to me, truly 😭. i’ve been a bit hesitant to continue posting since the comments being made about my opinions and knowing that i have at least one person that’s on my side means a lot 🫶🏾 thank you. here’s part 4 :)

you rolled over in bed, only to be met with a chunk of hair in your face. it didn’t take long for you to realize that y/f/n crashed in your bed the night before. there was also no doubt in your mind that she would have a hangover.

whilst you didn’t tend to drink much, y/f/n didn’t turn down a cup of alcohol or five.

you knew she’d have a headache when she woke up, so you made quick work to tend to her before she woke up complaining.

you made sure that she had her aspirin and water near the bedside before you grabbed your phone and walked off to the kitchen to make breakfast.

grabbing what you needed to make fried potatoes, you got distracted by your phone vibrating.

matthew sturniolo :)

hey

not sure if you’re up yet but i had fun last night

8:23 am

not that we did anything because we didn’t aside from exchange phone numbers

i don’t wanna make this awkward…

text me when you’re up?

9:24 am

vinnie 🤠

i saw you leave with y/f/n and those sturniolo triplets

lemme know if you got home safe

2:35 am

yn 🗣️

made it home safely !!

alls good, thanks for checking in

10:38 am

matthew sturniolo :)

you up?

10:39 am

yn ln :)

good morning

sorry i didn’t answer sooner, i just woke up and y/f/n and i crashed as soon as we made it home

matthew sturniolo :)

it’s all good. just wanted to make sure her excessive singing last night didn’t leave you with a headache 😭

yn ln :)

god no 💀

i’m used to it

matthew sturniolo :)

have you checked instagram?

we’re trending 😉

yn ln :)

how fun 🙄

how bad is it?

matthew sturniolo :)

i kinda it’s kinda cute🤷‍♂️

tap to open link

instagram

comments

hardlyasturniolo the way they were in the back of vinnie’s video that he posted on his story 😭

pepsicolachris meetcute is CRAZY 💀😭

>>> larraysloosecurl IM PEEING 💀

ynsgirlfriend THEY MET ?!?!?

>>> happilysturn is that not what the post says ?

>>> ynsgirlfriend don’t get smart with me.

naileasheart the way i just know yn was freaking out 💀

liked by yn.ln and 3,597 others

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messages

yn ln :)

i’m getting a lot less hate than i thought i’d be getting 🙌

that’s good

matthew sturniolo :)

it’s perfect actually

that makes it so much easier for me to ask

your brows furrowed as you read the text. of course you had an idea of what he may have wanted to ask you, but it was so hard not to think otherwise. he so bold when speaking to you, nothing like how he is on his youtube channel.

yn ln :)

ask me what…

matthew sturniolo :)

what are you doing today?

taglist: @hearts4chris @timmyandsturniolo @mayhem-72 @luvsturns @knowingnothingnoel @mrsmattyb @itzdarling @julliaaaaaaaaaaaaa @dracoflaco @heartsforchrisandmatt @lily-strnlo

tags for this fic: @3kslav @annamcdonalds67 @strnsblog @lexxxiii-iix @patscorner @lemon-criminal @safara05 @sturniplofab @somewhere91 @maddisqnx @sturniolho @1201pm @sturniolossss @mattswrld @marieslife123 @kiera324

#sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo fluff

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tkaulitzlvr · 9 months

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could i request a drunk tom? like what would happen if he drinks too much and the reader is with him 👀

INTOXICATED - T. KAULITZ

synopsis: when tom gets a little too drunk after a night out, it’s your job to get him home in one piece - which turns out to be a lot harder than it seems.

content: fluff

a/n: i really hope you like it thank you so much for the request!!

i had lost sight of tom, looking for the familiar black braids and bandana amongst the crowd of drunken bodies, knowing that my boyfriend would be there somewhere. he was already tipsy before he’d left me, the alcohol getting to him faster than it usually would. he’d told me that he was going to get another drink and that he’d “be right back”, so i had stayed put on the sofa we were sat at, slowly sipping my porn star martini and waiting for him to arrive. that was 10 minutes ago, and, despite knowing how crazy my boyfriend can get after a few too many drinks, i still began to grow worried, standing up and moving through the endless sea of sweaty bodies, but none of them were tom.

calling out his name would be pointless - the music was so loud that i couldn’t even hear the conversation going on right next to me, let alone would tom be able to hear me calling him. instead, i settled on searching the entire place for him, with little success. it was a saturday night, the bar completely packed as expected. after a chorus of “sorry” and “excuse me”s, i finally made me way out of the crowd, and to the bar, seeing tom drunk out of his mind, empty shot glasses around him. i storm over, him turning to see me as a large grin spreads across his face.

“babyyyyyy!” he slurs, reaching out and trying to pull me into a hug from the barstool he is sat on.

“don’t baby me tom! what happened to ‘coming right back’? i’ve been looking for you everywhere.” i scold, looking at his face and seeing that he is far too wasted to even realise how angry i am.

“sorry, i just wanted a drink.” he smiles lazily, gesturing to the empty glasses infront of him.

“a drink? how many have you had since you left? jesus christ how are you even still conscious?” i question, sitting at the bar stool next to him, not even attempting to count the shots he’d been shoving down his throat - the answer would have only frustrated me even more than i already was.

he was completely shitfaced. i don’t think he even realised that i was talking to him, or, talking at all. all that he could do was grin like an idiot, constantly trying to grab me or kiss me, placing his hands anywhere that they could reach, reminding me how turned on he gets when drunk - even more than his usual self. “i don’t know, maybe like 3? or 9? you should have some too!” he chuckles, failing to see the unimpressed look on my face, as i stare at him blankly.

“and who would take us home if i did? you were meant to drive us, remember? i can’t drink anything else ‘cause it looks like i’ll be the one doing it.” i sigh, resting my head in my hands, wondering how the fuck i’ll be able to get this man out of the bar and into a car without losing my sanity.

“whattt? no, schatz, i’ll drive. i’m perfectly fine, look.” he attempts to sit straight, this apparently sufficing as proof for his sobriety, but the second he removes his torso from where it was resting on the table, he wobbles slightly, trying to play it off as a stretch.

“see?” he says, genuinely proud of himself, a satisfied smile appearing on his face.

“jesus fucking christ.” i mutter, taking a deep breath. “you can’t even sit straight. i’m driving baby, end of.”

he nods, accepting my answer before finishing the last of his glass, holding his arm out and trying to wave the bartender over.

“tom what are you doing?” i ask, putting my hand over his and placing it back on the table.

“getting another drink.” he shrugs, saying those words so nonchalantly as if he isn’t one more sip away from passing out.

“are you insane? you’re absolutely wasted, let’s go.” i say, knowing that it won’t end here.

“noooo! im just getting started, let’s stay, please baby?” he begs, staring into my eyes and rubbing his thumb over my thigh, trying to win me over. his eyes were tired, half-lidded as he looked at me through them, completely out of it.

“no, come on baby. we’re leaving.” i insist, grabbing his hand and lifting him upwards, his arm wrapping itself around my shoulder as we begin to walk out. surprisingly, he could hold himself up pretty well - it was walking in something even remotely close to a straight line that proved impossible for him. when we reach the crowd of intoxicated bodies past the bar, he quickly pulls out of my grasp, taking my hand and leading me into it.

“let’s dance.” he slurs, attempting to grab my waist and pull it against his crotch, running his hands up and down my body.

“are you crazy? we are going home, come on.” i pull away from him, irritated by his advances but not at all surprised. normally, i wouldn’t complain when he acted this way, but when i wanted nothing more to be home and in bed, my body tired from having to look after him for this long, it only angered me more, dancing with him the last thing on my mind. my hand finds his once again, roughly trying to pull him through the flood of people, not without him opening his mouth once again.

“did i tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” he whispers in my ear, mumbling his words as he can barely utter a sentence, his hand falling to my ass and giving it a rough squeeze. i gasp, quickly turning my head to face him. his eyes are hooded, full of lust, a proud smirk plastered across his face.

“tom stop! not right now.” i hiss, shaking my head and turning back to the doors as i push through them, hearing him laugh behind me.

“you know you liked it.” he mumbles, taking my hand as i hold it out for him, scanning the empty streets and trying to make out tom’s car in the darkness, the dimly lit street lamps providing next to no light.

i ignore his response, eventually making out the familiar r8 and turning to tom. “keys?” i ask as he slowly searches his pockets, pulling them out and tossing them to me, this the first time he has actually done something without trying to make a quick remark, or completely ignore what i had asked.

“come on.” i sigh, pulling him towards the passenger side and struggling to put him in the car. he laughs at my fight with his stubbornness, clearly finding this whole situation amusing. i manage to sit him down, pointing to his seatbelt.

“put it on.” i say, running out of patience with him.

“hmmm i think you should do it.” he smiles, staying put and waiting for me.

“fuck me.” i mutter, grabbing the seatbelt and wrapping it around his body until it clicks in place.

“gladly baby.” he smiles, happy with himself as he reaches for his jacket, trying to pull it from his frame.

“you know i didn’t mean it like that.” i shake my head, pulling the jacket back on and closing the door rushing over to the drivers seat, scared of leaving him alone for even a few seconds. i open the door, sitting down as tom quickly reaches over, planting a sloppy kiss onto my cheek, his breath smelling so strongly of alcohol that it takes me aback.

“i love youuuu.” he says, looking at me and resting his hand on my thigh. i laugh slightly, my heart melting at his attempt to be romantic, even in this state.

“i love you too.” i sigh, turning the engine on as it hums quietly over the radio. tom starts to tap his hands against the dash to the beat at an obnoxiously loud volume, but i am far too tired to even try get him to stop, letting him carry on as i begin the short drive home.

“come on, up the stairs. then we can go to bed, okay?” he let’s out a small “mhm”, kicking off his shoes as he does so, letting them tumble down the stairs, knowing that i’ll be the one to clean his mess in the morning.

he stumbles his way upwards, reaching the top of the stairs and walking into our shared bedroom. his body flops onto the bed, sinking into the sheets with a loud sigh. i pull him upwards, studying the oversized jeans and shirt he is wearing, knowing that he isn’t fit to change clothes himself.

without saying a word, i reach for the hem of his t-shirt, lifting the material over his head.

“woah baby, slow down! if you wanted to fuck you should’ve just asked.” he smiles, taking both of his hands and putting them on my waist, using his tongue to play with his lip piercing.

“we aren’t fucking tom, not when you’re like this. you need to get changed, you can’t sleep in this.” i explain as he sighs in disappointment.

“such a tease.” he mumbles, undoing the button of his jeans and pulling them off, sliding under the covers whilst i get into my own pyjamas, joining him in bed as he quickly holds my waist, his chest against my back, head rested in my neck. he places a long kiss on the bare skin, holding my waist and gently caressing it.

“goodnight.” i say. silence. for the first time tonight, he says nothing. i sigh in relief, shutting my eyes and assuming that he has fallen asleep.

“you sure you don’t want to fuck?”

requests are open! keep sending them in!!

#tom kaulitz #tom kaulitz x reader #kaulitz twins #kaulitz #tom kaulitz fluff #tom kaulitz smut #bill kaulitz #tokiohotel #tokio hotel

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che444 · 6 months

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Things I’ve Manifested Recently ♡

Hey baby dolls, I haven’t written in a little bit cause I’ve been focused on honing in my conscious manifestation skills and really listening to myself, reading, and honestly getting some sleep.

I’d like to share some things I’ve manifested while I was away!

1. My SPs texting me whenever I think of them

2. Manifested a toxic friendship out of my life

3. Manifested LOTS of new friends!

4. Lots of money

5. My favorite foods

6. New crazy adventures

7. New SPs, I see them and I like them, I decide that they want me, next thing I know they ask for my Snapchat, recently it happened in the matter of 3 minutes.

8. Magnetism and extreme popularity - everywhere I go, people tell me how much they want to be my friend or how cool they think I am

9. Hanging out with my friends a lot more and doing fun things such as a Harry Potter themed night!

10. Shifted to my fame DR!!!

I hope you all continue to work on yourselves and build the life you deserve, never stop. I am so proud of you, and I am cheering you on daily, even if I can’t make it to every dm or ask, I am so proud of you. Be proud of yourself in your continuous learning, be proud of your small accomplishments, be proud of yourself in the days you struggle to understand, because you are growing, and that is all you must do. Continue to grow like the flowers you are.

Until next time,

Luv che 🌷

#law of assumption #manifesting #neville goddard #self concept #manifestation #desired reality #loassumption #loa #manifest #shifting realities

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princemick · 4 months

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GOOD EVENING (for european standard time) EVERYONE AND WELCOME TO!!

the results of the f1blr survey (if you dont care about the graphic or the most mentioned blogs here's a direct link to the form results!

if u want to leave now all I wanna do is to encourage you to take 10 minutes of ur time rn to send a kind lil message to ur fav blogs to keep the vibes going n I hope ur day is wonderful! <3

now for the most mentioned blogs which also counts as a short blog rec post according to the 73 people who answered this form!

(for clarity, I choose to remove myself from all these replies because I think it's incredibly biased and so not relevant or interesting to mention myself)

NOW ONTO THE MOST MENTIONED!!

ARTISTS!

@penaltyboxboxbox with give or take 23 mentions!

@storm3326 with give or take 13 mentions!

@ilikecarsandlike4people with give or take 13 mentions!

GIFMAKERS!

@yesloulou with give or take 12 mentions!

@argentinagp with give or take 9 mentions!

@userhamilton and @arturleclerc who both got give or take 7 mentions!

GRAPHIC DESIGNERS!

@argentinagp with give or take 18 mentions!

and then there were a lot of different people mentioned most of which about 2/3 times so here's all of those:

@queerbenched @alpinelogy @livetogether--diealone @formulaonedirection

WRITERS!

there were...lets say the most answers came form this category, most of the people mentioned were in there 2 times so here's a bunch of blogs that were all mentioned around 5-3 times!

@officialmood @bejwled @toastandvegemite @yekoc @effervescentdragon @hourcat @hungriestheidi @veryspecificfantasies

COMMENTARY!

@vegasgrandprix with give or take 7 mentions!

@karlmarxverstappen with give or take 6 mentions!

@raceweek and @race-weekwith give or take 4 mentions I think but I wouldn't be surprised if people forgot the dah so here they are together <3

and lastly, here are some replies to the share with the class question that I personally really liked!

"I love F1 even if it’s “boring”! Watching cars go 300km and hour is always fun even if the winner is always the same . For me, there’s always been Seb winning, and then Lewis winning and now Max, so it’s fun! Plus there’s always so much tea and all drivers are hilarious and I’m so fond of them! And the history is so cool!!!! And I count all the wdc champions before sleeping instead of sheeps! All I need are ferrari bedsheets, and I’m done I’m 22 how did I get to this point?"

"I've been so thankful for the support f1blr has extended to me, and it's a fandom I really feel at home in, so I'm so happy to get a chance to shout out some of the wonderful and talented people in this fandom with me! Such a fantastic idea."

"I am legit so grateful we have so many creative and brilliant people in f1blr, it makes my enjoyment of the sport I've loved for so many years that much better"

"i’ve only been on f1blr since the summer but i’ve felt soooo welcomed and made so many nice friends <333 love u guys"

"I’m so bad at remembering names but all of you have made my first year on f1blr a lovely experience!"

"Keep doing what you love! Stay safe, enjoy life, and be happy. I love you all!!! 🫶🏻"

"Looking forward to spending the '24 season with this amazing community!!"

and so so many more kind responses! thank you to everyone who participated it was really nice to see this and watch us come together for a lil pls do keep spreading the love and send out some asks to your fav blogs!!

and thats all for now, goodnight and until next time!

#got 19 mentions myself which is like...I wouldnt get that many more then the others if it wasnt my poll like akjsdbak anyway this was fun #pls do read the results its really nice to read some stuff directed at u #also this is not a me rec list btw #there r some in these list that have not been nice to me before n people I dont follow just bc idk I dont so like dont get annoyed at me #this is lit just spreading some love that OTHER people left <3 #kyle.txt #f1 #f1edit #f1blr

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heyclickadee · 4 months

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Okay, a few thoughts on the trailer now that I’ve collected my thoughts a bit:

1. Between the shots of the crashed ship and Omega in the cockpit, it’s looking like a self-rescue on Omega’s part. At this point I’m thinking she gets herself and Crosshair out, and then, based on the shots of Cross with the batch, gets separated from him at some point. He rejoins the batch, and she is…somewhere else. Though I don’t know if that means she goes back to Tantiss.

2. It’s entirely possible that she gets got by one of the bounty Hunters in the trailer, and that’s what separates her from Crosshair.

3. I do think that it is Crosshair in the armor, but other possibilities include: one, Tech, who may not have his own armor anymore and needed to wear something protective on short notice, and; two, Hunter’s having a real bad time and is actually hallucinating Crosshair being with them. I don’t think that’s the case though—I think it really is Crosshair.

4. It’s also possible that those shots with Crosshair are from a little later on in the season.

5. Poor Omega’s going to be in Tantiss for months.

6. I swear Hunter looks like he’s lost weight. Like. I know a lot of the fandom is deep in the Crosshair and Tech are twins sauce (and honestly, I am too, I adore that head-canon and basically think if it as canon), but darn it if Hunter isn’t getting so drawn he’s starting to look a little like Crosshair.

7. I find it weirdly amusing that the half the trailer in which the bad batch actually features is mostly taken up by Hunter and Wrecker doing Adventure Man things. I get the sense they were scrounging to find shots of the batchers that weren’t massively spoilery (and they still put those shots of Crosshair in. Which, admittedly, is one of the things that makes me slightly suspicious of that being Crosshair at all, because that could be a misdirect, but only slightly).

8. I’m going to laugh if it turns out that Cid hired all of the bounty hunters we see to find Omega. Like, if that’s what she uses the money she got from Hemlock for, and she’s basically trying to get Omega out of the situation she got Omega into and goes a little overboard on the means.

9. Ventress! I’ll be honest, Ventress has never been at the top of my favorite character list, though I’ve warmed up to her quite a bit (I used to like the idea of her more than the execution), but I always love Nika Futterman’s performance, and I’m intrigued to see Ventress here at the very least. Because. How. She was very dead. Very, very dead. Not “fell into The Mists” dead—she had a funeral after being dead for months. My only thoughts are that were either seeing her in a flashback sequence that takes place before Dark Disciple, or it turns out that nightsisters can use their force magic to do some weird shit after getting hit by lightning. Either way, I don’t think she’s fighting Wrecker and Hunter here—that’s just some misleading editing.

10. Man, I hope Hemlock dies a lot.

11. Anyway, speaking of the dead and those back from it, Tech is so alive and I’m trying to not be the Smuggest of Gremlins until we for sure see him, but jeez are they making that difficult. (I checked the trailer release blurb on the Star Wars dot com page—it doesn’t mention Tech being dead. It just says the team is “scattered” after the events of season two. Like. Guys, you’re not even trying anymore.)

12. And more on Tech, I do think it’s possible—possible, mind you—that Tech is the guy we see in the clone X armor in front of what looks like the Archium. There are some small differences between that armor and both the armor we see on Clone X in season two, and the Clone X we see speaking later in the trailer—namely, the shoulder straps, what looks like a glass visor covering the two eyeholes, and *sigh* the pouches. And it’s the straps and the pouches that are giving him a bit more of a Tech-ish silhouette—especially the pouches, and especially from behind. If it is Tech, though, I don’t think it’s a brainwashed Tech at all (and honestly, it’s the pouches that make me lean towards not brainwashed if it is Tech in there, because a shin pouch is just a very Tech-and-not-blank-slate thing to wear).

I actually think it’s more likely that it’s Tech in disguise and having taken the armor from the Clone X we see later in the trailer (with some adjustments of his own), and that that’s what’s being referred to by the titles “Infiltration” and “Extraction;” Tech infiltrating imperial forces, and then the others having to get him (and probably the people of Pabu) out. And, if that’s the case, I’m banking on these shots being from the midseason. (I know I said I wasn’t going to speculate on the episode titles. That was aspirational.)

Basically, I could be persuaded that it’s Tech in there or that it’s not. I’m less likely to be persuaded that it’s a brainwashed Tech in there—I still don’t think that’s happening.

12. Whether that is Tech in that armor or not, I do think that the clone X we see speaking in the trailer isn’t the same guy in the armor in the Archium shot.

13. I am SO HAPPY to see Phee back THANK GOODNESS. I was a little worried they’d drop her like a rock, but nope! She’s here! She’s got her cool jacket! We see her ship!

14. There is a criminally small amount of Echo in the trailer, but I’m not giving up on seeing more of him. It’s possible that he’s either a walking spoiler, or that he features a little more heavily in the back half of the season.

15. “The Cavalry Has Arrived” is the most optimistic episode title in the whole damn show and, yes, I will die on this hill.

16. Crosshair. Oh, Crosshair. Someone please save him immediately.

17. There’s a lot of early doom panic around, well, everyone and everyone (especially Hunter) dying that I’m honestly going to ignore going forward. For reasons.

#the bad batch #the bad batch spoilers #tbb spoilers #bad batch spoilers #the bad batch season 3 #here in the land of wild speculation

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chronicallycouchbound · 9 months

Text

Rating names/terms for Ehlers Danlos Syndrome:

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome: 10/10 Lawful neutral, it’s the official terminology, lets you know what’s up

EDS (in all caps): 9/10 Sometimes confused with other unrelated conditions and acronyms but usually works

EDs (‘S’ is lowercase): 2/10 Usually refers to erectile dysfunction or eating disorders, which causes a lot of confusion.

Ehlers Danlos: 8/10. Good shorthand while still knowing what’s going on.

Earers Daniel’s Syndrome: 1/10. I have only heard this once, from an ER doctor. He said it to me as he turned away from his screen (which was pulled up to the Web MD page for EDS) and proceeded to mansplain my condition to me inaccurately. At least he tried.

“Eyers Dan—“ *waves hand around*: -5/10 I’ve heard this one a lot from medical professionals. I just know I’m about to be malpracticed and am already planning the quickest way out of the situation.

Zebras: 6/10 I like the imagery, I like mascots, I like the story (when doctors are in med school they’re told “if you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras” but them zebras are missed) however, I have two criticisms: a) more rare conditions are out there, and zebras technically refers to any rare diseases, not just EDS b) I feel sad when I think about how it basically calls EDS the “I was medically malpracticed disease”

EDSers: 8/10 a cute lil shorthand for “people with EDS”. Easier to explain than the zebras thing

hEDS/vEDS/cEDS/including subtypes: 7/10 I like the idea of being able to know what your subtype is and find people in your sub community, HOWEVER my only concern is that it can feel (and used for) invalidating people without a genetically confirmed subtype because of inaccessibility. I haven’t had gene testing because I can’t afford it— but I have clinically diagnosed EDS, which has been confirmed at multiple hospitals by multiple specialists. I score a 9/9 on the Brighton, meet all major criteria, and meet almost every other minor criteria for EDS on top of that. But I don’t know my subtype yet. I don’t hate/dislike people who use this term and I don’t discourage it, but I do encourage mindfulness about genetic testing accessibility and privilege of access.

Bendy disease: 10/10 a silly goofy joke I say with friends “I cannot walk up stairs on account of my loosey goosey bendy disease” which is always funny to me. Even with my serious things like “my life threatening cardiac conditions are rapidly progressing” you add “on account of my bendy disease” and bam theres my coping skill.

Ehlers: 3/10 a step in the right direction, but it sounds like “yellers” and dismisses half of the team that described the condition

“Double jointed”: 1/10 I was told my whole life until I was 18 that I was just “double jointed” for starters, it’s medically inaccurate. You’re hyper extending, subluxing, or even dislocating joints whenever you’re “double jointed” in a joint. There is not two joints there (unless you’ve had x rays and for some reason genuinely do have two joints in that spot). I honestly hate this term and it’s incredibly dismissive of the pain that happens with EDS while also making it seem like a super power that we’re encouraged to do

Contortionist: 1/10 [NOTE!!! some contortionists DO NOT have EDS and can just bend like that. Some have benign joint hypermobility. But many contortionists do have EDS.] In the context of people with EDS, I hate this term. It’s often the first thing people jump to when I explain my condition. They see my crippled ass in my wheelchair/powerchair or limping around with my cane/crutches/rollator, usually in multiple braces/supports (and thats just external noticeable-to-everyone things, let alone if you hear any aspects of my daily life) and their first thought is: “wow!! So you can entertain me like it’s a freak show!” And not “holy shit dozens of dislocations per day and countless subluxations per day must be excruciating”. I did contortions when I was younger to get praise and due to peer pressure. Fuck that noise I will not be your ugly law era freak show creepy cripple p0rn. Fuck everything to do with that actually.

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grungeprincess2 · 8 months

Text

Kurt Cobain Quotes

1. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

2. Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

3. Friends are nothing but a known enemy.

4. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.

5. If my eyes could show my soul, everyone would cry when they saw me smile.

6. I am definitely a feminist. I'm f--king disgusted by the way women are still treated. It's 1993 and some people still think we're in 1950s. We need to make more progress. There needs to be more female musicians, more female artists, more female writers. Everything is dominated by f--king males and I'm sick of it!

7. Thank you for the tragedy. I need it for my art.

8. Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with with your self-esteem. They're no good at all.

9. We're so trendy we can't even escape ourselves.

10. I definitely feel closer to the feminine side of the human being than I do the male - or the American idea of what a male is supposed to be. Just watch a beer commercial and you'll see what I mean.

11. I mean, I’m definitely gay in spirit, and I probably could be bisexual. But I’m married, and I’m more attracted to Courtney [Love] than I ever have been toward a person, so there’s no point in trying to sow my oats at this point. [Laughs] If I wouldn't have found Courtney, I probably would have carried on with a bisexual lifestyle.

12. Ever since the beginning of rock and roll, there's been an Axl Rose. And it's just boring. It's totally boring to me.

13. I thought I would try to be gay for a while, but I'm just more sexually attracted to women. But I'm really glad that I found a few gay friends, because it totally saved me from becoming a monk or something.

14. If any of you, in any way, hate homosexuals, people of a different color or women, please do this one favor for us—leave us the fuck alone. Don’t come to our shows and don’t buy our records.

15. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.

16. The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.

17. We’re not as popular as everyone thinks, and we’re not as rich as everyone thinks.

18. There are a lot of things I wish I would have done, instead of just sitting around and complaining about having a boring life.

19. Punk is musical freedom. It’s saying, doing, and playing what you want.

20. Words suck. I mean, everything has been said. Words aren’t as important as the energy derived from music, especially live.

21. I'm a spokesman for myself. It just so happens that there's a bunch of people that are concerned with what I have to say. I find that frightening at times because I'm just as confused as most people. I don't have the answers for anything.

22. Holding my baby is the best drug in the world.

23. No one is afraid of heights, they’re afraid of falling down. No one is afraid of saying I love you, they’re afraid of the answer.

24. I use bits and pieces of others’ personalities to form my own.

25. If you die you're completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on. I'm not afraid of dying. Total peace after death, becoming someone else is the best hope I've got.

26. I just can’t believe anyone would start a band just to make the scene and be cool and have chicks. I just can’t believe it.

27. To be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important, sacred and valuable. To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility.

28. You can’t buy happiness.

30. Nobody dies a virgin. Life f***s us all.

31. Music is energy. A mood, atmosphere. Feeling.

33. If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.

34. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too f****** sad.

35. I have to admit I’ve found myself doing the same things that a lot of other rock stars do or are forced to do. Which is not being able to respond to mail, not being able to keep up on current music, and I’m pretty much locked away a lot. The outside world is pretty foreign to me.

36. I really miss being able to blend in with people.

37. It’s better to burn out than fade away.

38. God is gay

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kelcemenow · 17 days

Text

Drive Me Crazy - Chapter 8.

Pairing Travis Kelce x Reader

Words 1391

Warnings Some angsty vibes here, but it's going to get better, I swear!

Huge thank you to the Anon who sent this in! They had such amazing words to say about my writing which I massively appreciate and then to top it off, had an incredible request for me! I only have experience with mechanics in the UK, so I’ve tried my best with this one! “I just recently got interested in Travis K. X reader stories and wanted to let you know, I read all of yours as quickly as I could. They are so well done and I couldn’t help but laugh/giggle and feel through each word you typed out. You’re doing amazing and I’m so glad to have stumbled onto your page. If you have any space for a request, I’d be curious about what Trav would think about having a military (like fighter pilot) or engineer or mechanic girlfriend. I see a lot of stories with him paired with models/singers/social media individuals (which are phenomenal!) but just wondering how he would be with a more tomboy like girlfriend!”

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

"Are you sure you're okay?"

You sighed, rolling your eyes, "Travis, I'm fine. I'm just tired."

He stared at you as thoroughly as he could through his phone screen. Faint wrinkles between his eyes deepened as his eyes narrowed. He hummed quietly before laying further back on his bed, his elbows elevating his torso, "Your Dad seemed pretty happy tonight."

You forced a smile, your chest still panging with hurt, "Yeah, thank you for doing all of this, he had a blast."

"And you?"

You paused, a little longer than you should've, "Yeah, it was great."

Luckily, Travis had rolled across the bed to grab the charger for his phone and didn't pick up on your disheartened expression, "I'm still pissed you wouldn't let the team doctor check you over."

"Travis, I really appreciate that you're concerned for me, I am. But honestly, it wasn't necessary."

He sucked his teeth and shook his head, "It's crazy though, there's gotta be a reason you passed out."

You avoided his gaze, adjusting the folds of your bedsheet.

"Anyway baby, I'm tired. I think I'm going to hit the hay, okay?"

Nodding your head gently, you could feel your body yearning to yawn, "Yeah, me too."

"But I'll call you in the morning?"

"Sure."

You watched as his eyes creased into a sweet smile, "G'night, babygirl."

Your stomach fluttered as his left eye quickly closed into a charming wink. It seemed travis had a talent for making you melt, no matter the situation.

"Goodnight, Travis."

The phone display returned to your home screen, a black and white photo of you and your Dad when you were younger. You must have been around 9 or 10 years old and were wearing one of his work t-shirts, splotches of grease and oil covering most of the fabric. He was leaning over the hood of his car and you were stood on a stool in front of him, holding a large tool in your tiny hand. You recognised his battered baseball cap adorning his head as one of your own now, something he gave you when you took on part of his business. 'A good luck charm', he said. Your chest swelled with love before melancholy set in. The opinions of other people had never bothered you in the past, especially the opinions of complete strangers. You had always been confident in yourself and you valued hard work and kindness over appearances. But now here you were, overthinking and distracted by the online comments of people you didn't know.

You laid back on your bed and stared up at the ceiling, shadows forming swirled patterns across the white paint. Taking a few deep breaths, you glanced across to the digital clock on your nightstand before feeling your eyelids droop lower and lower with each breath.

______________________________________________________________

Music blasted from the small radio you had perched on top of the exposed engine. Your head was buried under the hood, fingers tinkering at greased bolts and pipes as the sounds of the garage were overpowered by Whitney Houston.

"Y/N!" A deep voice yelled out from behind you.

Your body jerked as the noise disturbed your focus. Glancing over your shoulder, you noticed Jordan standing 20 yards or so away from you, his eyes avoiding yours.

"Yes?" You said impatiently, without changing your stance, a clear sign that you weren't interested in a lengthy conversation with him.

"I don't know if you're busy or..."

"Yeah, I am."

"Right." Jordan turned away for a second before spinning around and taking a few steps closer to you, "You know, it's just that it's obvious that other people think the same as I do."

You stood up straight, your shoulders tightening, "Excuse me?"

"I just don't think that you and Travis are a good match for each other." His feet were planted on the floor but his knees were twitching, his hands nervously fidgeting in his washed out denim jeans, "And I know I shouldn't have behaved the way I did the other night, but I was just in shock to see him there, you know? He's a pretty big deal, and you...you're just a-"

"Is this supposed to be an apology?"

Jordan sighed, his hands moving up to his temples, "I just think you would be better suited with someone else."

You laid down the spanner that you had been firmly gripping, the clang ringing out through the garage and capturing everyone's attention, "Someone else? Someone else like you, you mean?"

"Y/N, that's not what I'm saying-"

"What are you saying, then?

Jordan's gaze drifted to the floor, "I...I don't really know."

You took a step towards him, "Exactly. You don't know what you're saying. So, let me give you a clue. Who I date is none of your business, Jordan. It is actually none of yours, or anyone else's business."

You could see heads turning in your peripheral, but all that you could feel was the heat quickly rising in your chest and adrenaline speeding through your veins. Jordan stood with his mouth open, as if he was about to speak but even if he wanted to, you were reluctant to give him the chance.

"So, just...stay out of it, okay?" You waved your hand before rushing over to the bathroom, the wooden door slamming shut behind you.

Your shaking hands reached for the white basin, fingers gripping the smooth, cool, porcelain as you looked up into the mirror. You gritted your teeth as you attempted to hold your composure for a few seconds before you crumbled, tears travelling down your cheeks quickly. The clangs of the garage were muffled in the distance behind your occasional sobs, but you ran the tap just in case anyone could hear you.

Your reflection stared back at you, the skin under your eyes shiny from tears. As your breathing slowed and you took back control of your emotions, you grabbed your hair behind your head and tied it back with a small scrunchie that was snug on your wrist. Wiping your face, you inhaled deeply before a gentle knock on the bathroom door made you jump slightly.

"Uhh, there's someone in here." Your emotionally charged voice gurgled.

"It's Dad."

You looked around the small restroom, for nothing in particular, before flushing the toilet, "I'll just...I'll just be a minute." You called out, grabbing a hand towel and desperately dabbing your face.

There was a short moment of silence on the other side of the door as your Dad waited for the sound of rushing water to cease.

"He's gotten under your skin, hasn't he?"

"Jordan? I couldn't care less about what Jordan thinks." You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and brushed down your overalls, "I don't-"

"I meant Travis."

You turned towards the door, your eyebrows furrowed.

"Forgive me for saying this, and I know I don't really know much about your dating life-" He let out a chuckle, "-but I've seen a change in you. A good change."

You reached for the door handle, "Really?"

"You seem happier." You could hear a smile in your Dad's voice, "Today aside, of course."

As you gently turned the handle and opened the door, his face came into view, his cheek pressed to the door frame, desperate to comfort you. You exhaled a smile as his eyes scanned your face, "I am happy."

"So, what's this?" He gestured to your eyes.

You shook your head, "It's stupid, really. I saw some comments on a picture of me and Travis online and then Jordan just-"

"And since when did you care what people thought?"

You blinked, "I don't."

Your Dad pushed the door open further and placed his hands on both of your shoulders, "So, what's the problem?"

You giggled, "I don't know."

"I think I know." He winked with a grin.

You lowered your brows again, your lips tightening into a coy smile.

"You like the guy!" He shook you gently, "And I don't blame you. But I have to be honest here, he's the lucky one to have you, sport."

You looked down at your feet, your cheeks flushing with red.

"So, fuck what everybody else thinks!"

"Daddy!" Your head snapped up, your eyes wide at your Dad's uncharacteristic cursing, which was something exclusively reserved for watching football games.

"Go get him."

______________________________________________________________

I think I've got my groove back!

This series will be finishing soonish and then I'll get onto the one-shot requests list that I have sitting in my notes app...which is quite a few!

Anyway, I hope you like this next chapter, it's not too dramatic but it's setting up the finale! If you want to be added to my Taglist, just let me know!

Taglist @rd14 @dandelionwrites8 @keiva1000 @fantasywritersstuff @caelipartem @anacarangel @she-lives-in-her-dreams @kkrenae @kristencochefski1125

@countrygirl120983 @charmed2000 @nouis-bum @cixrosie @delicateearthquakellama @wordsaresimple-imnot @amylouwho9 @queenisa17 @talicat713

@luvvtrent @purecinnamonextract @savaneafricaine @caelipartem @beyxgrande @caitdaniels @ezgirl1108 @vir-tual @lightsoutstyles @macey234

@s294749w @kelcemesoftly @calirindo @livinginmyfantasies @bernelflo @secretmywritingfictionlawyer @killatravtramp @there-goes-thefighter @unicornblueberry

@calirindo @tjkelce87 @kristinamae093 @kmc1989 @ajbird18 @triski73 @ctn26 @kgcaputo07 @abby-splace @bobthe-turmpetman29

@cedricbitch @abby-splace @jmamas92 @bellstwd @killatravsworld @marchmaiden @chimchimmarie @blackstabbath6 @fanficfanatic15 @jessiemariebarnes

@mmb219 @vanwritesfan-fiction @futebollover @ks-dreams-fantasies @laurenmcucm @blackstabbath6 @nickie-amore @fictionqueen87 @munsonburner666 @hornyavengers

@spookystitchery @powellssaturn @skywalker0809 @shortttcakkee @my-secret-hideaway @shelbygeek

#travis kelce x reader #travis kelce imagine #kelce x reader #nfl imagine #original story #travis kelce fic #travis kelce #travis kelce fluff #nfl fluff #travis kelce smut #travis kelce angst #nfl smut #nfl angst #nfl fic #kelcemenow requests

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fivedollarbankrobbery · 6 months

Note

Can you write a Peter Strahm x fem reader with lots of fluff!? Thank you!!

Stay

Peter Strahm x f!reader

Summary: You bring your husband coffee at work, he doesn’t want to let you leave

Warnings: Established relationship, domestic bliss, fluff, a couple swears but that’s it

This came out shorter than I was hoping, but I’m happy with it for this being the first fic I’ve written in months. This is unedited so please excuse any mistakes 😭

Being married to an FBI agent comes with it’s fair share of drawbacks — one of which being you rarely get to see your exhausted husband. He works long days, sometimes not coming home until the sun has already set, and sometimes even going back in to do something if he’s really hooked on a case. Recently it’s been the Jigsaw case eating away at him, making him lose sleep, his sanity, and most importantly: quality time with you.

This morning Peter had woken up before the sun, trying his best to get out of bed without waking you. His warmth receding and the soft creak of the bed was enough to rouse you as you rolled over with a groan, blinking a few times to see him in the soft lamp light.

“I have to go in early today, honey. It’s alright, go back to sleep,” he cooed, urging you to lay back down. He always hated having to leave you, and your pouting eyes made it 10 times harder to walk out that door.

“It’s the ass crack of dawn on a Saturday” you grumble, rubbing your eyes. “Can’t you stay a little longer?”

Peter let out a soft chuckle at your comment, shaking his head fondly. As much as he hated having to work the occasional weekend, you hated it even more. “I wish I could, baby, but Erickson wanted me in early. I promise I’ll make it up to you tonight.” You didn’t protest when he placed his lips against yours in a chaste kiss before pulling the covers over you, letting yourself fall back asleep quickly.

You didn’t wake up until 9 AM, the sun already shining in through the slits in the blinds. It was calm, the only sound being the soft hum of the ceiling fan above and the occasional chirp of birds outside. But still, something was missing. He was missing, his scent still lingering in the sheets. You had gone about your morning normally, getting breakfast and doing a few chores before sitting down to watch TV for a couple hours, but the loneliness of the empty house was creeping in more than usual.

Fuck it, you decided, I’ll just bring him lunch.

That’s what’s led to you here, knocking on the closed office door labeled “STRAHM”. His tired voice calls out, telling you to come in. You push the door open gently, peeking inside as you step in, admiring the way Peter looks when he’s working. He’s leaned over on one elbow, looking down at whatever case file he’s been reading for the last fifteen minutes, the words jumbling on the page and becoming scrambled nonsense due to his exhaustion. He looks exhausted, and that’s exactly what he is.

When he finally looks up and notices it’s you, a tired grin grows on his face, his posture relaxing ever so slightly. “Hey hon, what are you doing here?”

“I brought you lunch and a coffee,” you tell him, holding up your offerings before setting them down on the desk in front of him. “Long day?”

He sighs, taking the coffee with a grateful nod, sipping on it before answering. “Very. This damn Jigsaw case feels like it never stops.”

“You work too hard,” you lament, rounding his desk to come up behind him, rubbing his shoulders. “You deserve a break.”

“If only that was possible,” he hums, longing for nothing more than to take a break and hold you against him for hours. He turns his chair to face you, looking up at you with tired eyes; even exhausted like this, he looks so damn handsome.

“I should let you get back to work,” you sigh caressing his cheek before you press a kiss to his lips, turning to leave. You always dread having to leave his office, knowing that the second you’re out of his company the loneliness will hit you like a truck once more. But this time, before you even get two paces Peter reaches out, large hands finding your waist and guiding you to stand between his legs as his thumbs rub circles on your hips.

“Stay.”

And goddamnit you can’t deny him when he’s looking at you with those big blue eyes of his.

His head dips forward as his arms fold behind your back, pulling you even closer to him. His head rests against your chest in this new position, and his eyes flutter shut as he finally lets himself relax, the sound of your heartbeat constant and soothing. With one hand you let your fingers run through his hair, the other hand gently holding the back of his head, keeping him pressed against you in this intimate embrace.

“God, I fucking love you,” his deep voice mumbles after a minute as he shifts, turning his head to look up at you, his chin still resting against your front.

“I love you too, Peter,” you breathe, gently pulling him back before guiding him in for a tender kiss.

#peter strahm #peter strahm x reader #saw #saw franchise #saw x reader

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wander-wren · 2 months

Text

sometimes i wonder about what fandom is going to look like in 5 or 10 years. i think we might have already started to see a shift.

because, look, most of the oldest, biggest fandoms are from tv shows and movies, in particular ones that go on for years and scores of episodes. star trek, star wars, stargate (is everything star?), doctor who, supernatural…even sherlock really got its biggest popularity boosts in the modern day from tv adaptations. marvel and dc were comics first, too, but movies made them more accessible; their “cinematic universe” tags are the biggest on ao3 by far.

but what tv shows are we getting now? short, 8-episode things that get canceled two or three seasons in, that are usually less-than-faithful adaptations of other media anyway.

what movies are we getting? well, marvel turns more to slop every day, and everything else is remakes and sequels no one asked for. the general populace will still go see them and find some good movies that they like, but there’s not much really for fandom to grasp onto.

the best shows for fandom that we’ve had recently, that i can think of, are stranger things, game of thrones, and maybe our flag means death. stranger things is dying off, especially since they’re looking at a 3-4 YEAR gap between s4 and s5. game of thrones’s popularity plummeted after its final season, we all know that. our flag means death is still chugging fairly okay, but after that second season a lot of the fandom dropped it, and with it now being cancelled, i don’t see it sticking around.

yes, we can chalk part of this up to a new generation to of fans having this growing idea that fandom is super temporary, to be abandoned as soon as its not on trend. but media used to be on trend for a whole lot longer than it is now. seasons were longer, we had filler episodes, things were lower quality sometimes but at least they came out on a consistent schedule. i don’t mind if supernatural isn’t an artistic masterpiece, but if i was a stranger things fan waiting until 2026 for the final season, i would be annoyed if it wasn’t damn near perfect. that’s assuming i watched it at all—we’re all so used to not getting endings and moving on, so why would i bother?

i think there are two types of shows doing sort of okay about this. one is procedurals—9-1-1 is a popular one i’ve run into, and it started in 2018, around the beginning of the decline, but it’s managed 7 seasons in those six years, most of them with 18 episodes. the other is, honestly, anime—though we can and SHOULD talk about the terrible working conditions that make the fast turnarounds there possible. look at how big some anime fandoms are.

judging by the relative fandom popularity of other procedural dramas (grey’s anatomy, law & order, criminal minds), i think that’s going to remain sort of niche. fandom likes fantasy and scifi best, and they just don’t tend to have as strong of an overarching arc to dig into. at least, that’s why i wouldn’t watch them. i think there’s also a good chance these will start to die out in the coming years as well.

anime could also die out a little bit. better working conditions would necessitate less/slower content, and it’s true that most of the popular anime fandoms have been around for years, even decades.

so, what, no new, lasting tv show or movie fandoms anymore?

what will the biggest fandoms be in 5-10 years?

podcast fandoms have a shot. the magnus archives is still going strong, and i’ve been seeing a lot about dungeons and daddies. i think we’re kind of almost past the golden age for podcasts, but i am an outsider, so maybe that will change.

book fandoms seem like a kind of obvious choice, but they just don’t get as big without, you guessed it, a movie or show adaptation. and the downsizing has hit them, too—can you think of anything from the last 5 or 10 years that rivals harry potter, percy jackson, warriors, lord of the rings, hunger games, acotar…even game of thrones (asoiaf) again? i can’t. the collapse of the publishing industry is another post entirely.

2020 is really what cemented these changes, though they were starting in the late 2010s, at least. with actual industries shutting down, there was room for indie creators making things alone in their houses to pop up, and people had more time on their hands to try new things out and get into them.

the two things that have really been on the rise since 2020 is rpf and video game fic—often both combined. we’ve got genshin impact, call of duty, minecraft of course being huge, rpf of various youtubers, and k-pop rpf. now, i think rpf is contentious enough that it won’t really become the main fandom, but video game fic…might be it.

even video blogging rpf can often be a blurred enough line that people are more comfortable with it. and the thing is…youtube creators are actually more reliable than mainstream television these days. they need to be, to maintain their platforms. they need to not cancel series and to live up to their own hype as best they can and to not abandon the channel for 3 or 4 years at a time. and again, you can talk about burnout and unrealistic expectations and all of those things, but it’s still true.

maybe i’m completely wrong. maybe in 10 years the film and publishing industries will all sort themselves out and we’ll go back to the status quo. but i think this position fandom is finding itself in is interesting, and i wouldn’t necessarily be surprised if what’s most popular (both in the specific source material sense and the medium/genre sense) is different some time down the road.

#wren wrambles #fanfiction #ao3 #fandom #fandom meta #fanfic #fanfiction meta #i’m curious what other people think about this #tempted to tag the fandoms i mentioned for reach but. dont know. we’ll see how this does

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creal-kill3r · 2 months

Text

rating some of the ways the war has affected me, from best to worst

(coming from an ukrainian living in Ukraine)

— always carrying around a first aid kit, a seating pad, a flashlight and an extra charger in case air raid starts when I’m out and I’ll have to spend a long time in the shelter

10/10, a bit heavy to carry around, but I’m always prepared, + a seating pad is useful in a lot of scenarios

— always making sure my phone is charged (I don’t let the battery go lower than 80%)

9/10, this might be bad for the battery health, but in case they turn off the light for three days straight again, or in case of a sudden air raid, I’m always prepared

— immediately checking any place I’m at for emergency exits, basements, wardrobes/tables I can hide under in case there’s bombing/shooting

8/10, creeps some people out, but I think this should be done no matter what situation you’re in, safety is important (minus a bunch of points because the experience of being stuck in a mall while bombs fall right on it was not giving)

— always keeping all my belongings in one place, in case I’ll have to leave the city immediately

7/10, a little depressing, but I can always find what I’m looking for

— always keeping my phone on in case something happens to my family/relatives that went missing contact me; and to know the air alert situation right now

6/10, I’m easy to reach, but sometimes I get too distracted by the news

— always planning my walks in such a way there’s always a shelter nearby

5/10, kinda limits my freedom of movement, but at least I’m relatively safe

— not being able to go anywhere crowded, including the mall/theater/restaurant/cinema/big shops

4/10, could have been worse, but while legally I am allowed to go wherever I want, rockets hit any crowded spaces so fast, it’s literally scary. couldn’t see a very important theatre performance of my friend’s because of this

— not being able to travel inside the country normally, since constant air raids and bombings

3/10, I haven’t traveled since the coronavirus hit, and I’m a huge travel person. also can’t go anywhere outside the country because all the flights are cancelled, and it’s too expensive to go by train

— having constant problems with sleeping, as because of air raids I have to wake up at three in the morning, go to the shelter and go home at around eight

2/10, the last week has been crazy and I haven’t slept normally in days, also I’ve become a really light sleeper, and I can’t fall asleep easily anymore

— fear of loud sounds

1/10, my neighbour enjoys slamming the doors really loudly, and every time she does that I’m having a mini heart attack

— panic attacks

0/0, self explanatory

#war in ukraine #ukraine #support ukraine #war in europe #save ukraine #ukrainian #ptsd #russian invasion #russia invades ukraine #russia invasion #russian invasion of ukraine

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eddiemunsons80sbaby · 3 months

Text

Never Say Never

Chapter 10

Pairing: SingleDad!StevexReader

Summary: You are a 32 year old single mother, raising your seven year old son on your own. After being widowed at 30 and going out on awful dates with disgusting men for the past month, you have decided that you're giving up. You already had your great love. One person can't possibly get lucky enough to have two in their lifetime. But then your son starts playing baseball and the coach might just change your mind about that.

No posting schedule.

18+ only for eventual smut

Word Count: 9.3K

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

“Wow,” Robin breathed, her eyes so wide Steve feared they would pop out of her head, her spoon of cereal paused in front of the perfect circle her mouth was currently making. “That good, huh?”

“Better than good. I don’t…shit, I don’t even know how to describe it,” Steve replied, arms dropping to the table. “I’ve…Robin, I have never felt anything like that before. It was incredible and so damn intense. I don’t…I don’t know if I can have any self-control now that I know what kissing her feels like and I have to have self-control with her. That kiss is all I’ve been able to think about. It’s all I want to do. I had to stop myself from driving to her work today just to see her and touch her again. I think I might be losing my mind.”

Everything about last night had been perfect. From the food to the conversation to the girl. He knew he liked you. He knew he liked you a lot. He’d known he wanted to kiss you from the moment he’d laid eyes on you but nothing could have prepared him for what it was actually like. The moment his lips touched yours it was like sticking his finger in an electrical socket. You consumed him. It felt like you were everywhere at once, completely overwhelming every one of his senses until you were all that existed.

Steve was not new to kissing. In fact his track record was probably far higher than most but he’d never had a kiss like that. That kiss made all other kisses seem pointless. Why would he ever waste his lips on anything that wasn’t as amazing as that? And now all he could think about was your lips and your skin and how much more he wanted to explore. He was completely done for and that was scary as hell.

Robin giggled, her spoon clinking as she dropped it into the bowl, “Oh, my sweet summer child, you have got it so bad.”

“I know! What do I do?” he pleaded desperately.

The blond shrugged, her foot coming up to rest on the seat of the chair, arm wrapping around her leg, “Why would you want to do anything? Go with it. Savor it. Enjoy the hell out of it. Kiss that woman silly.”

“Robs, this isn’t funny.”

“I’m not saying it’s funny. Steve, it’s amazing. I’ve never seen you so over the moon. I mean, yeah, you fall hard and fast but it’s all just a show. I’ve never seen you this lovestruck, my friend. You give new meaning to the term stars in his eyes.”

“But I told her it was no pressure. I said it wouldn’t be a big deal if it didn’t work out and now it feels like a very big deal! How am I supposed to go back to the way things were now that I know how goddamn good she feels?”

Blue eyes widened as she leaned forward, “Whoa. How good she feels? I thought all you did was kiss.”

“That is all we did!” he huffed. “But I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been thinking about how so many other things would feel with her. But that’s a huge step, right? I mean, if I sleep with her then there is definitely no going back. It would be too awkward. And then what about the boys? I will shatter Jere’s heart when I tell him Eli’s mom and I can’t be around each other anymore. And what about…”

“Whoa! Hold your horses there cowboy. You’re getting just a bit ahead of yourself, don’t you think? Why are you already planning on all of this going south? Obviously, you two had an amazing time together and a kiss that could launch a thousand ships or some shit. Why would you think this isn’t going to be something?”

“Because it’s me!”

“And?”

“And I can’t ever make anything work. I am King Steve alright, the king of failed relationships.”

“Or…and hear me out, you’ve only had failed relationships because you’ve picked the wrong girls. She doesn’t sound like the wrong girl. I mean, honestly, did you ever have a kiss with Nance that made you feel like that?”

“No, but you know me. I’m going to push too hard, too fast, and she’s going to get freaked out and run. Look at me. Already I want to race over and see her even though I am seeing her tomorrow. Hell, I wanted to turn around and drive back to kiss her senseless all over again the moment I pulled away. I’m going to do it, Robin. I’m going to be too much. I can already feel it.”

“Okay,” shrugged Robin. Inhaling, she dropped her leg to the floor, arms crossing on top of the table. “Say you do what you do and you’re really needy and smothering and make it so she feels like she can’t breathe. Steve, we’re talking about a girl who lost her husband, a girl who has been alone for two years, a girl who hasn’t had anyone to care for her. Do you think she’ll find it smothering or do you think she’ll find it refreshing? Maybe she doesn’t even like breathing. Maybe what she wants is a Steve sized pillow right over her mouth and…” She cringed, lips puckering. “Okay, eww. I am realizing how that sounds but you know what I mean. Hell, maybe she does want that too.”

“But what if…”

“What if? What if? What if the Earth implodes tomorrow or aliens finally make themselves known and attack us all? Steve, you could go through the what ifs all damn day if you want but we both know all you’re really doing is grasping at shit because you’re scared.”

“Scared?” he scoffed, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. “I’m not scared. I just don’t want to make an ass of myself.”

“No. You’re scared. Terrified with a capital ‘T’ because King Steve has had a ton of relationships, more than is actually acceptable for the common person if we’re being honest. But what you’ve never had is anything real and that scares the shit out of you. Because if it’s real then that means there’s very real potential for losing it. But you have to stop focusing on what could happen and start focusing on what is happening right now. Because from what I’m hearing, she is just as deep into this as you are. It doesn’t sound like she was trying to stop the kiss which tells me she wants it. So just go with it. Go with the moment, with what you feel because yeah, it could all go to shit in a month. But it could also be your happy ending, Steve and you have to stop thinking you don’t deserve it or that it’s not possible for you because you, my friend, are worthy of all that shit they write about in romance novels.”

He was scared. He was scared shitless because there were a million and one ways he could manage to royally fuck this whole thing up. He was the king of fuck-ups when it came to relationships. And you were the first one that felt like it was something, something more than just a companion, something more than just someone he wanted around so he didn’t have to be alone.

“Hey Steve!” came Dustin’s voice, the front door banging against the wall, making Steve swear because how many times had he told that kid not to do that? He’d already patched that spot twice because of him. “You got anything for breakfast? I’m all out of Cinnamon Toa…” He paused in the doorway when he took in the sight of Steve and Robin at the table. “Sorry. This looks serious.” His face lit up, finger pointing at Robin’s bowl. “Sweet. Exactly what I needed.” Pulling the bowl over, he dropped down between the two of them.

“By all means,” Robin snapped. “I wasn’t eating that or anything.”

“Don’t you have your own house with your own food?” Steve sighed.

“Well, yes I do,” replied Dustin, scooping milk and cereal into his mouth, “but I am all out of cereal.”

“You know, there’s this place that all your breakfast needs. It’s called the grocery store.”

“Yeah, but you’re only a block away. Why would I drive all the way to the store when I can just come over here where there’s always food?”

“Because it’s my food,” argued Steve, jabbing his pointer finger repeatedly into the table. “It’s my food that I buy for me and my son to eat and it’s my house and it’s my table and it’s my bowl and spoon.”

“Damn. Someone’s grouchy today.” Dustin rolled his eyes toward Robin. “What’s up his butt?”

“Hot widow.”

“Impressive. That’s quite a leap from barely being able to tell her you like her.”

“Come on, man.” Steve wadded up a napkin, throwing it at his face. “I told you not to talk about my sex life.”

“So there is a sex life to talk about?”

Robin sniggered, “Based on how last night went there will be shortly.”

“Ohh!” Full teeth on display, he wiggled his eyebrows at Steve. “Do tell. More than dinner was enjoyed last night? Maybe a little late night dessert? A little something sweet after the meal? A little…”

“No. Absolutely not. I am not talking about this with a child,” Steve snorted, arms flailing in the air as he rose from the table. Grabbing onto the bowl that had been Robin’s before Dustin had stolen it, he walked it over to the sink, rinsing the remains of cereal and milk into the garbage disposal.

“Dude, I was still eating that! And I am not a child,” protested Dustin. “I am twenty-six! I have not been a child for eight years.”

Robin ruffled his hair. “You’ll always be itty bitty Dusty-Bun to us.”

“Knock it off. Jesus, seriously, you two have got to realize I am a man now. I am not unknown to the ways of carnal enjoyments. You’re not going to tell me anything I don’t already know. Seriously, did you and her hook up?”

“No! We just kissed, okay?”

Steve spun, leaning against the sink, fingers wrapping around the edge. He glanced over at the clock. Normally he would be leaving now to pick up Jeremiah from school to start his few days with him but Nancy would be getting him today. She was keeping him for the night because it was her dad’s birthday and they were all going out to dinner.

He had a whole evening ahead of him with nothing to occupy his thoughts and that was dangerous. Because his thoughts could lead him right to your doorstep. He hadn’t been exaggerating. Twice he’d had to convince himself that it would be ridiculous for him to show up when you had plans to see each other Thursday. Twice he’d been ready to turn his car right instead of left simply because he wanted to see your face. But his fear of doing what he always did, getting clingy, stopped him.

Steve had always been clingy in relationships. He had this neurotic need to feel important, to feel needed, to feel wanted. Robin told him his lack of parental love as a child left him constantly seeking it out in others. It was annoying how well she could read him but it didn’t make her wrong. And this time was so much worse. The intensity of his feelings was magnified by a hundred and if he wasn’t careful, he was going to be the pillow that smothered this relationship before it even began.

“It didn’t sound like just any old kiss to me,” Robin mused, opening the refrigerator to pull out a can of Dr. Pepper, something he only kept in the house because she drank it and she was always there. “It sounded like the kind of kiss that leads to all of the other dirty, delicious things.” Lifting her eyebrows, she nodded toward Dustin. “They were pawing at each other like a couple of horny teenagers in that car.”

“Steve! How very…junior year Steve of you. Which, I mean, that Steve was a douche but in this case, I approve,” Dustin laughed, only annoying him further. “And she was into it? I mean, obviously. Aren’t you two seeing each other tomorrow?”

“They are. They’re baking together for the school carnival.”

“Baking? Seriously?” He cringed at Steve. “How is that even slightly sexy?”

“Are you kidding me? The kids will be at school. They will have the whole house to themselves.” Pushing off the fridge, Robin’s hands wove in front of her as if she were setting a scene for a play. “Picture it. They’re mixing up ingredients and oops, some just happens to get on her neck. What to do? The only obvious conclusion is for Steve to lick it off.”

“Oh! Yeah and once you get tongues involved…” A husky laugh rose up out of Dustin, causing Steve a lot of unease. He did not appreciate this side of Dustin, the kid he used to give advice to for how to talk to girls. Dustin and tongues did not mix and was not an image he wanted in his brain. “That’s hot.”

“It’s not hot,” he stated, turning back to the dishes in the sink. “It’s not. We are two parents who volunteered to help bake for the carnival and…”

“Yeah. One of them who can’t bake and only chose that option to spend more time with the girl of his dreams,” Robin reminded.

“Yeah. I did,” he admitted, squeezing far more dish soap onto the sponge than was necessary in his irritation. “But I didn’t do it to get lucky or whatever. I did it just so we can spend time together. We’ve been on one date. She’s a widow. I mean, Jesus. We’re just getting to know each other. Nothing like that is happening for a long time.”

“Sure. If you say so,” Dustin snorted and Steve had had more than enough. He grabbed the sprayer from the sink, pulling it as far as it would go, shooting water right at his face. The boy’s hands flew up as he yelled, wiping the droplets off his skin. “Damn! That was unnecessary, Steve!”

“It was very necessary. Stop talking about my sex life. One, it gives me the ick to hear you talking about sex at all. You shouldn’t know anything about it. As far as I am concerned, you’ve never done it and I don’t want to know otherwise. And two, it’s not happening.” At Robin and Dustin’s disbelieving look, he sighed. “It’s not. Nothing is happening tomorrow. Seriously.”

____________________________________________________________

You moved throughout the house, laundry basket tucked under your arm, as you did your nightly pick-up of Eli’s various toys and clothes that had managed to be strewn everywhere. A random sock that had been deposited while he was eating his after school snack, the Hot Wheels car that had raced on an epic journey down the steps and then been abandoned at the base of them, the stuffed giraffe forgotten on the couch as he’d fumbled half asleep upstairs for bedtime.

Depositing the basket next to the stairs to be dealt with tomorrow morning, you made your way into the kitchen. You grabbed the bottle of Malbec that you'd picked up at the store earlier and poured yourself a generous glass before making your way toward the living room, pausing at the door frame, your eyes trailing the little pencil lines that documented your son’s growth through the years.

Your finger traced the one that said, Eli, 5 years old, the last time that Justin had been the one to do it. You could see the moment so clearly, the light in your son’s eyes as his dad gasped, marveling at how much he’d grown since last year, asking him if he’d been sneaking spinach when they weren’t looking. Eli had giggled as Justin had hoisted him into the air, exclaiming that he was going to be bigger than him, something her son could not fathom as his father always seemed larger than life.

“I miss you,” you whispered, closing your eyes, tears burning the backs of your eyelids.

You hoped he could hear you, somehow, someway, through the span of time and space and death. You hoped he knew how much you missed him, how much Eli missed his dad. You hoped that he knew that there wasn’t a day that went by where you didn’t think of him and wished that things had gone differently.

Your feet led you into the living room and you collapsed on the couch, your head resting along the back. You'd never once asked Justin to give up the military. Not when you were dating, not when you got married, not even when you found out you were pregnant or after your son had arrived. You'd always known how much the job meant to him. He wouldn’t have been your Justin if he’d walked away.

No. You'd always accepted it was just a part of him like the color of his hair or the way he rose before the sun no matter what time he went to bed. He was a soldier and that was it. There was no speculating on that, no room for compromise. To ask him to quit would have been like asking him to give up his soul.

You'd worried. Of course you had. You knew it was a possibility but he always came home to you…until he didn’t.

Even knowing it’s a possibility never actually prepares you for the real thing. Yeah, you knew it could happen, that at any moment something could go wrong when your husband was heading into hostile areas. But you never actually entertained the thought. He was the other half of you. You couldn’t possibly survive without him so he had to keep coming home to you.

And how could you not have known when it happened? If your souls were linked, if you were connected the way you believed you were, why didn’t you feel it when he’d left this Earth? Surely there should have been some pain, some ache, some sign from the Universe that the other half of your heart had been destroyed.

But you'd known nothing. You'd woken to your alarm, made breakfast, gotten Eli ready and dropped him off at school. You'd stopped at the grocery store and chatted with Nick, the cashier, like it was any other Tuesday. He’d told you that he was heading to Stanford the following fall for Mathematics and Statistics. You'd come home and started the laundry. You were just plugging in the vacuum when the knock at the door came. How could you have been sweeping when a piece of your very soul had been destroyed?

How could you have been sitting in your living room, sharing a glass of wine and laughing with Janice, when your husband was bleeding out half a world away? You'd focused on that for so long when you'd found out when he died. You'd hated yourself for it, for enjoying life, for having a laugh, while he lay suffering so far from his family.

The ring of the phone jolted you from your thoughts. Blinking, you set your wineglass down on the coffee table and padded, barefoot, to grab the cordless from its stand by the television before the ringing woke up Eli.

“Hello?”

“Hi honey. It’s not too late to call, is it? I was going to call you earlier but your dad invited Jerry and Susanne over without telling me and I just got them out of my house. They just bought a camper and once we got on that subject, they would not shut up about it. They had to tell us about all the bells and whistles it’s got and all the places they’re going to see. Good grief. It’s just an extra-large tent, you know.”

“A tent doesn’t have a running bathroom.”

You smiled, dropping back onto the couch, lifting your glass to your mouth as you listened to your mom rant for ten more minutes about this couple.

“Your dad met him at the golf course and, of course, now I’m stuck with not only him but his braggy wife. Now she wants to have lunch next week. She wants to tell me all about the pool they’re having put in this summer and the kitchen remodel they did last year. Please. I hate people who show off. Money doesn’t make anybody better than anyone else. Money can’t buy you manners or a kind heart.”

“No, you’re right about that. But come on, mom. Don’t you think it would be nice to get out of the house and go to lunch? You just met the lady. She might have been trying to impress you. Give her a chance.”

“Oh, don’t you start, too. Your dad’s been saying the same thing. Susanne loves reading romance novels just like you. You should invite her to your book club. You two have so much in common. Just give her a chance.” You could hear your mother’s eyes roll through the phone. “Maybe I don’t want to give her a chance. I have plenty of my own friends.”

“But dad doesn’t.”

A loud sigh came down the line, “I know he doesn’t. Anyway, how are you and that beautiful grandson of mine?”

“We’re both really good.”

Your mom went silent which was never a good sign.

“Mom?”

“Really? That’s intriguing.”

“What’s intriguing?”

“The emphasis you just put on really.”

“I did not emphasize really,” you sighed, heading falling against the back of the couch.

“You absolutely did. So what is the reason for this over-emphasized really?”

“Mom…”

“Oh, come on. Something’s changed since the last time we talked. And it’s something good by the sound of it. Is it so bad that I want to know what made my daughter so happy?”

“You’re very nosy, did you know that?”

“I do but also, you’re my child so I am allowed. If I can’t prod into every part of your life, then whose can I? Besides, it’s been far too long since I’ve heard that little…what word am I looking for? Delighted. You sound delighted. Exhilarated even. Dare I say exuberant? Effervescent?”

“Just because you teach creative writing at a university doesn’t mean you have to throw the thesaurus at me. I am not one of your students.”

“Darling, come on. Tell me what’s got you sounding happy for the first time in years. I can keep going. You sound jubilant, joyous, lighthearted…”

“Oh my god, stop,” you laughed, running your palm over your forehead. “Okay. If you must know, there might be a person…”

“A person? And is this person of the male persuasion?”

“Maybe.”

“And how did you meet this person who may or may not have a penis?”

“Mom!”

“Basic anatomy dear. It’s not that scandalous.”

“Jesus. You’re just as bad as Janice.” How you'd managed to be a product of your mother was beyond you, especially when your dad wasn’t much better. Both of them just said whatever they wanted, consequences be damned. “He is Eli’s little league coach. That’s how we met. Eli and his son, Jeremiah, became best friends this year at school and it started with just trying to get a playdate together. But then, because of the boys, we’ve been spending a lot of time together and he asked me on a date. We went out to dinner last night.”

“And?”

“And what?”

Your mother snorted and you could picture her face so clearly, the sound bringing back every time you'd tried to avoid a conversation when you were younger. When her mom asked about your crush on Elliot in junior high. When she’d tried to get you to share about your prom night. When you'd come home crying after Jessica Finch had told everyone you'd given blowjobs to half the basketball team. Your mother always knew and she always managed to dig it out of you no matter how hard you tried to resist. There was no resisting Sally Madden when she was on an information gathering mission.

“How did it go?”

“It was…perfect? I mean, it was amazing. He’s such a good guy, mom. He’s ridiculously good looking.”

“Oh! Describe him for me.”

You sat forward, crossing your legs, setting your empty glass on the table. How to describe Steve? It felt like there weren’t the words to accurately depict how beautiful he truly was.

“Okay. Well, he’s just under six feet. He has this chestnut colored hair. It’s so thick and it’s longer but not too long. It’s the kind of hair that most girls would kill for. He has hazel eyes and I swear, every color is in them. Sometimes they’re more green, sometimes more golden, sometimes more brown. It’s like they change with his moods. And his smile…his smile is like the sun. It’s so bright and beautiful and you just can’t help but smile too. And he has these adorable little moles on his face and neck. And he’s fit, you know, but not, like, too fit. He’s not all muscly but he definitely takes care of himself. His hands are huge. They could swallow my entire head but he’s so gentle. Oh, and his chest hair…I didn’t even know I had a thing for chest hair but apparently I do.”

Your mom giggled and your face flushed. You hadn’t meant to quite share all of that but once you began, it all just came spilling out. Had you really just talked about Steve’s chest hair with your mother? You could envision your mom’s feet kicking in glee, overjoyed that you had shared so much with her.

“Mom, please don’t make this a bigger deal than it is,” you pleaded. “We’ve only gone on one date and I have no idea where it’s going. It might be nothing.”

“I’m not making anything bigger than it is. Honey, you sound so happy. It is absolutely a big deal. It’s the biggest deal. Oh, I can’t wait to meet this guy who has made my girl sound like she’s truly living for the first time since Justin.”

That familiar knot of guilt coiled inside of you at your husband’s name. You rotated your ankles, willing away any kind of anxiety. It was okay. You were allowed to be happy. At least that’s what everyone kept telling you and if you shared how you were feeling with your mother, she would tell you the same thing. There was no point in rehashing it again.

“Mom, it’s really not yet. It might not even be anything.”

“You know, we were talking about coming for a visit. This could be the perfect time.”

“Oh no. Wait…”

“Oh honey, I can’t wait to meet him. I can already tell by the way you sound that he’s incredible. And he sounds so dreamy but then, you’ve always had good taste. Maybe we could plan a trip for next month. Your dad wants to catch one of Eli’s games anyway.”

Oh god. Your stomach rolled, your eyes darting to find something to focus on. The clock on the wall, the steady tick of the second hand. The ashtray on the coffee table that Eli had made for you last year even though you didn’t smoke. Your red pumps sitting by the door, discarded after a long day at work.

No. Your mom swooping in, fawning all over Steve, and inflating this into something much larger than it was…that was the last thing you needed. Sounds…you needed sounds. Any sounds that were not your mother screeching in your ear.

“Mom, I have to go.”

“Oh, but sweetie…”

“No. I need to go,” you gasped, struggling to find air.

“Honey, is it happening?”

“It’s ok. I’ve got control of it but I need to get off the phone.”

“Okay but if you…”

“Bye mom.”

You slammed the phone down, closing your eyes, going inward. The tick of the clock, the sound of someone’s radio playing next door, the hum of the washing machine. You wiggled your fingers, nodded your head, and tapped your foot.

It was under control. You were in control. You could do this. If your parents came it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Besides, you would love to see them. The last time you'd seen them had been Christmas and Eli would be overjoyed that they were visiting. You would have to give Steve fair warning before then. Yeah. That wouldn’t be awkward at all.

____________________________________________________________

Steve ran damp palms down the front of his jeans as he approached your house the next morning. You'd told him to be there by eleven so they would have plenty of time to get the baking done before the boys had to be picked up from school. Looking at his watch it was 10:56. He was right on time.

Of course, that could be because of how stressed he’d been this morning. After dropping off Jeremiah, he had called in to the office just to check in and make sure everything was set for the day. As soon as you had offered to let him come and bake with you, he rearranged his schedule, moving a meeting to tomorrow and asking Gerry to do the rounds of some of the job sites. But still, it was his responsibility, and he just wanted the assurance that all would run smoothly and he wouldn’t receive any calls interrupting their time together.

Gerry was great but he’d only been with the company for six months and often called just to double check decisions with Steve. His self-confidence was lacking. Steve had assured him that he could make the calls today, making it abundantly clear that he didn’t want to be bothered for the day unless it was a life-or-death emergency. Nothing would burst the bubble of a new relationship faster than constant distractions.

He’d spent the two hours after that pacing, checking the clock, heading into the bathroom to make sure he looked okay, changing his shirt, anxiously waiting for it to be time to leave. On more than one occasion he’d grabbed his keys, thinking he’d just show up early but stopped himself, not wanting to seem too eager. But he was. He’d thought of nothing but you since your date, seeing your face, hearing your laugh, getting to taste those perfectly sweet lips again.

You had even invaded his dreams in the very best way possible. After a rather vivid dream of you underneath him, his name falling from your lips as you urged him on over and over, he’d had to take matters into his own hands this morning to relieve the throbbing hard-on he’d opened his eyes to. His hand moving over his length, picturing you in his mind, those pink lips and beautiful eyes, your dainty hand stroking him to release.

Fuck. Steve shook it off. He had to stop. He was not going to be able to control himself from making a move if he didn’t. It was hard enough to not touch you or kiss you when the boys were around and now, they were going to be completely alone in your house. That opened far too many possibilities and he didn’t want to push you too fast. He feared if the two of you made a move you weren't really ready for, then you would retreat, pull away from him, and this would be over before it really began.

Bracing himself, he lifted his fist and rapped on the door three times. He could do this. He could control these urges. He wasn’t a fucking pre-teen anymore who didn’t know what to do with a boner. He had this completely under control.

But then the door opened and no, he absolutely did not because there you stood, looking so damn enticing and all he could focus on were those perfect pink lips, currently curved up on both sides in the most delicious looking smile, and he was overcome with the urge to shove you against the wall and kiss you senseless.

“Hey! Right on time,” you beamed, waving your hand in invitation. “Come on in. I’ve got the kitchen all set up for us.”

“Great,” he replied, thinking you didn’t have the kitchen set up for what he actually wanted to be doing. “I am going to apologize now because I really am very bad at this. I don’t know how much help I’ll be. I may have just signed you up for double duty.”

You shrugged, bouncing barefoot, your toenails a bright sky blue, into the kitchen. The counter space was absolutely covered with mixing bowls, baking pans, containers of baking ingredients, and tupperware just waiting to hold sweet treats.

“Not a big deal. I actually love to bake. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid.”

“With your mom?”

“Oh god no,” you snorted, grabbing the container that looked like flour. “My mom would burn the house down if she tried to bake. She can’t cook, either. She hates the kitchen. If it weren’t for my dad, we would have lived off of take-out. No. I baked with my grandma. I used to spend most weekends with her when I was a kid and she always had something in the oven.”

“That’s cute. I can just picture little you, nose all dusted with flour. She never taught your mom?”

“Grandma on my dad’s side,” you explained. “We’re going to start off with basic rice krispie treats. Every kid loves a rice krispie treat.” At his skeptical expression, you laughed, sliding the recipe card toward him. “I promise. You can’t mess it up. It’s not even really baking. Nothing has to go in the oven.”

“You have far too much faith in me,” Steve told you, glancing down at the card.

��You just melt the butter and then add the marshmallows. The trick is to keep stirring it until the marshmallows are completely melted. Then you add the mixture to the Rice Krispies, spread it in the pan, let it cool, and voila, you have a yummy treat. I mean, anyone can do that.”

“You clearly haven’t met me. I can grill any kind of meat you want but baking…but we’ll see. I’ll give it a go.”

He set to work on the Rice Krispie Treats, grabbing a saucepan and a stick of butter. He turned the burner on low, watching as you began measuring and dumping ingredients into a bowl.

“And what are you making?”

“I am making my grandma’s famous strawberry crumb bars,” you answered.

“Ahh. So, does your mom’s mom not like to cook or bake either?” he asked, swirling a spatula through the butter gently.

“My grandma on my mom’s side doesn’t like anything,” you laughed harshly. “She’s a miserable woman who made my mom’s childhood hell. She got pregnant at twenty-two and the guy took off. She’s never told my mom who her dad is. I guess she never wanted kids and so she just acted like she didn’t have one. My mom practically raised herself, which is why she has no idea how to cook. She lived off of cereal and canned soup, whatever she could find because her mom went out most nights leaving her alone. She doesn’t speak to her and neither do I.”

“Damn, that really sucks for you and your mom. I’m sorry.”

You shrugged, stirring the ingredients in the bowl. “It doesn’t really bother me. I never went without. It bothers me for my mom. It does suck. It sucks that she never had anyone to call about all the crazy shit that happens in life. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom. She drives me nuts but she’s my best friend, you know?”

“No,” he chuckled awkwardly, dumping marshmallows into the pan. “I actually don’t. I’m more like your mom, remember? Hell, I may as well be an orphan at this point. I haven’t seen my parents in years. They didn’t even come up to the hospital to see Jere when he was born. My mom saw him once, when he was four months old.”

“Jesus…that…Steve, I don’t even have words for that. How does a mother do that? How can they not want to see their own grandchild?”

“Probably because they don’t want to see me,” he answered, cringing as he attempted to stir the cereal into the sticky mixture. It did not want to mix and he had to give it some real elbow grease to get it to start blending together. “I’m a massive disappointment. I didn’t go to college. I didn’t follow in my dad’s footsteps and according to them, I married down and now I am reaping what I sowed. Like they’re the glowing example of a successful marriage. Staying together doesn’t mean it’s successful, especially when you can barely stand each other.”

You slid by him as he carried the bowl to the counter and you transferred your bars to the oven. Closing the door, you spun, hands braced on the handle.

“You know they’re wrong, don’t you?”

“What?” he asked, becoming frustrated as the gooey concoction fought back, not wanting to leave the spatula to transfer into the pan.

“Your parents. They’re wrong. Any parent who wouldn’t be proud as hell to have raised someone like you is completely out of their mind.”

“I think you give me far more credit than I deserve.” Steve groaned, shaking his hand as the marshmallow mixture stuck to his fingers when he tried to press it out of the bowl and into the pan.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” you chuckled, grabbing the butter. “Here. Hang on.” You spread the butter lightly over the spatula, easily spooning the rest into the pan and then spread it over the top to even it out. “You don’t see what everyone else does.”

“I mean, it’s not like I’m not proud of where I’m at. I know I’ve done okay for myself. And I wouldn’t trade a single part of my life for the one they wanted for me.” Steve moved to the sink, squirting soap onto his hands, scrubbing at the sticky mess he’d become. “I just worry that you have this image in your head of me and you’re going to wind up sorely disappointed when I can’t live up to it.”

“Oh Steve, you’ve already far exceeded it. You don’t have to try as hard as you think.”

A shudder ran through him at the closeness of your voice. He grabbed the dish towel that was folded next to the sink, drying his hands as he turned to you, resting against the counter. You were right in front of him, those beautiful eyes filled with just as much desire as he was currently feeling. Was it real or was he just imagining it? Did you want this as badly as he did?

“I want to kiss you again. Jesus Christ, I’ve wanted to kiss you silly since you opened that door,” he stated boldly and you stepped into him, pulling the dish towel from his hands, tossing it back onto the counter.

“So what’s stopping you?”

That was all the confirmation he needed and then his hands were on your face, his mouth descending on yours. His entire body sagged as if in sweet relief, releasing the breath he’d been holding since he’d arrived. He felt like a parched man who’d finally received a drink of water, the very essence of life seeping into every pore of his being.

His hands moved to your hips as yours tangled in his hair and he pressed you back into the island, his lips never leaving yours. A moan vibrated from your body to his and the aftershocks of it shot straight to his cock. Fuck, he wanted you so badly. He wanted to taste every single goddamn inch of this woman, to run his hands over your bare skin, to watch as you unraveled before him. He wanted to worship at your goddamn feet. It was becoming harder to remember why he needed to wait.

It was made damn near impossible when you pressed back against him, your bodies colliding against the sink once again. Your lips broke from his and you gasped his name when his thigh came between your legs. You rocked forward against it and any sense of self-control he had snapped. He had to make you say his name again and again. He wanted to memorize you, to find out exactly what made you feel good, and then watch you come undone when he did just that.

“Jesus Christ,” he groaned, your hips rolling as you sought out the pressure of his jean-clad thigh.

Keeping one hand on your hip, his other slid into your hair, cupping the back of your neck. He finally allowed himself to explore more of you. His nose traced the line of your throat, his tongue following, relishing the shiver that raced over your skin as he did so. He sucked the lobe of your ear between his lips, reminding himself you were crossing over a dangerous line, one he wouldn’t be able to stop at soon.

“Honey…if we don’t stop now…I don’t know if I’ll be able to,” he rasped when your fingers dug into his back. “Fuck, I want you. I want you so badly right now but if you don’t want this…”

____________________________________________________________

His words filtered through the fog of desire that had you completely lust drunk. Did you want this? God, you wanted this. Your body was craving this. You wanted all these stupid clothes out of the way. You wanted no barriers between them. You wanted him in a way you hadn’t wanted anything in far too long. Was it stupid? Maybe, but you couldn’t bring yourself to think rationally right now. The repercussions of this were a problem for later you to deal with.

“I want this,” you choked out. “I want you.”

He groaned and then his hands were pulling your shirt over your head, his eyes hungry as they roamed over your chest, the pink lacy bra you'd put on as you'd tried to convince yourself it wasn’t for a reason when in reality it was for this exact reason.

“You are so beautiful, honey.”

You needed to see him too. You pulled at the hem of his shirt and he reached for it impatiently, pulling it up and over his head, dropping it to the floor. Jesus. Your eyes raked over every tiny mole, the mass of dark hair that coated his chest, tapering into a line that disappeared under the waist of his jeans.

“You too,” you murmured, entranced, your hand moving as if on its own, fingers slipping through the coarse hairs, following the line down his abdomen. You watched as his eyes slipped closed, felt the shudder that ran over his stomach, the muscles going taut, at your touch.

That soft smile, those warm eyes, threatened to melt you just like the butter on the stove. His fingers slipped under the straps of your bra, his eyes locked on yours as if asking for your permission. Your teeth raked your bottom lip. You nodded, feeling the silky straps slip over your biceps and down your arms. Then his fingers were brushing the curve of your breasts and he was gently pulling the lace away from you, exposing your nipples, already hard little pebbles.

“I just want to taste every single inch of your skin,” Steve whispered, the backs of his hands tracing the mounded flesh, ripples of anticipation coursing through you. He stepped into you, forcing you to step back. “Is that alright, beautiful girl?”

“Yes…”

Then his lips were wrapping around your nipple and your hand was in his hair, eyes rolling back in your head, your back arching against the island. He nibbled, licked, and suckled before his tongue glided over your skin, providing the same attention to the other. Your body was absolutely humming under his attention and when his fingers found the button on your pants, you trembled with the expectation of what was to come.

“This okay?” he mumbled against your skin, face nuzzled between your breasts.

“Uh-huh…” you whimpered, losing yourself in the feel of those stupidly soft lips moving lower, open mouthed kisses pressed against every single bare inch of you while his fingers worked your button and zipper.

His thumbs hooked in your belt loops, dragging your jeans down your legs, his lips taking the time to savor each inch of skin as it was exposed until you thought you would implode with need. Steve’s hand curled around your inner thigh, nudging your legs apart and you obliged, hands gripping the island behind you for dear life.

He looked up at you and your eyes found his. That was a mistake. As his tongue ran over his lower lip, his eyes darkening, turning a deep chocolate brown, you thought you would come right on the spot. You'd never had anyone look at you with so much desire, not even Justin. But you quickly shut that thought process down because if you let him in right now, you would never be able to go through with this and you wanted this so much right now. You needed this. You needed this like a man who had been starving for days needed a meal.

Steve leaned forward and then his warm breath caressed the lace of your matching pink panties. You inhaled sharply, eyes slipping closed as his nose ran over the fabric, bumping over exactly where you needed sweet relief. You whimpered softly, hips rolling toward him. His fingers curled into the cloth, pulling it down your legs while his mouth teased, kisses that were far too soft dancing over your inner thighs.

You lifted one foot and then the other, allowing him to pull them away, your body now completely exposed to him. Steve lips traced a path along the curves of you before they found yours again, his hands working behind your back, sliding bowls and canisters away. Those large hands grasped onto your ass, lifting you up and setting you on the island, your legs dangling over the edge.

“Lay back for me, honey,” Steve urged, his palm pressing against your breastbone until your back was flush with the formica. His hands slid along your body, fingers digging into the flesh of your hips as his eyes soaked in every inch of you, stopping when they reached your pussy already glistening with need. “Jesus, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I can’t believe that I’m the one who gets to touch you…”

His thumb traced the seam of you and static, nothing but static filled your brain. He slid through your slick and then he was applying pressure where you were aching for it, grazing over the sensitive nub, your hips rocking up to meet his hand. All rational thought was gone. You couldn’t have contemplated anything if you wanted to. The only thing you could focus on was his hand and then his fingers pressing against your entrance before they were inside you, stretching you.

Your eyes fluttered open to find him focused on your face and you swallowed, hard. He was watching you like you were a painting at the museum and he was trying to interpret your meaning. Like you were an image he was trying to burn into his memory. Your already overheated skin was blazing under his scrutiny.

“Does that feel good?” he asked, his free hand roaming the length of your torso to palm your breast. “Tell me, honey. Tell me what you need. I want to give you whatever you need.”

You were going to die. You were going to die right here, on your kitchen island, and you would be the happiest woman to do so. This man seriously could not be anymore perfect. The way he kept checking to make sure you were okay, the way he wanted to know just what you wanted. This man couldn’t be real.

“It’s good…” you gasped. “Jesus, so good.”

“But tell me what you want. Come on. What do you like? Is it this?” He curled his fingers within you and your back arched, a wail of pleasure ripping from within you. Steve smiled, his fingers pressing against that spongy space within you that had your vision going fuzzy. “Yeah. You like that?”

“Yes…I like that…” you shuddered. “Oh my god….Steve…”

“I love when you say my name. Wanna make you say it over and over.”

He dropped to his knees, hands clasping your calves and draping them over his shoulders. A guttural sound, more animal than human, wrenched from your lips when his lips wrapped around your clit, sucking the tiny bud while his fingers continued moving within you. Your hips rocked, your head swiveled, your hands grasping the edges of the island so tightly the wood underneath was digging into your flesh.

“Steve…” His tongue flicked and fluttered. “Steve…” He circled and swirled. “Steve…” His lips covered it again, pulling it between them tightly, and you screamed, “Steve!”

Your entire body convulsed as trails of fire raced over your skin, the spring that had been coiling tightly within you from the moment his lips found yours finally breaking free. Your vision faded as everything turned white around you and you shattered under the force of your release.

An overwhelming need to feel every single inch of him overtook you and you shot up just as he was rising to his feet, the evidence of what he’d just done to you shining on his lips and chin. Your hands grasped at his face, pulling him in, the taste of your own pleasure evident on his tongue, only furthering your need for him.

His hands dropped on either side of you as yours worked at his pants, pushing them and his boxers down over his hips. Pulling your face from his, you looked down, your eyes widening at his girth. The man was even more hung than you'd imagined. Your hand wrapped around the width of him, your fingers and thumb not quite meeting and the muscle in his jaw jumping as he ground his teeth.

“Fuck, that feels so good,” he growled as you moved your hand along the length of him, stroking from root to tip.

You watched his face as you stroked him, your thumb rubbing over the tip, spreading the dampness that was already collected there. He was so beautiful. His lips parted as he panted softly, the line of his jaw as hard as stone, his eyes closed, those long lashes resting on his cheekbones. And you were the one who was making him look that way. The very thought was enough to send you over the edge again.

“Wanna feel you, honey. I want to be inside you. Would that be alright?”

Yes. God, yes. You wanted that too. In answer, you scooted forward, slipping the head of him over your heat, raking your teeth over your lip when he groaned, the sound a rumble that ran right through him.

“Jesus Christ,” Steve groaned as he pressed into you, pausing to allow your body to get used to his girth.

Your body stretched for him, welcomed him, as if it had been waiting for him. He pressed further, the movement so slow, until your pelvises were flush together and he was completely buried within you. His hand cradled the back of your head, his forehead pressed to yours, as they stayed still for a moment, just relishing the feel of your bodies connected.

“Fuck, honey. You feel amazing. You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m good,” you assured, touched that even now he had enough control to worry about you, to take the time to ensure that you were handling him okay.

His other hand gripped your hip as he began to move, slowly thrusting forward, his cock dragging along your walls, feeling like he was stretching you anew each and every time. He was being so sweet, so gentle with you, but you were craving more. You wanted him to move faster, to thrust harder. You wanted him to take you like you were his, to claim you, because in this moment you wanted nothing more than to belong to Steve.

His finger brushed your bottom lip, “What do you want, beautiful girl? Tell me.” Like he knew exactly what you were thinking.

“More…I want more,” you gasped, fingers gripping his firm shoulder blades, nails raking over the skin. “Faster. Harder…more.”

Your body was screaming for it. It had been so long since you'd done this with anyone and your pussy was practically vibrating with excitement to finally be put to good use.

“Oh yeah?” His palm came to your breastbone again, pressing you back down onto the island. “I told you I would give you anything you want, do anything you want. You want it like this?”

His hands grabbed onto your hips as he pounded into you, your flesh slapping together, echoing in the space of the kitchen. You cried out his name, your hands wrapping around his forearms to keep yourself from slipping over the counter.

His hips pistoned relentlessly, giving you exactly what you asked for and that snake in your belly coiled tightly, prepared to strike once again. Gripping his arms, your back bowed, as you tumbled through the stratosphere that was the earth shattering release exploding from within you.

“Oh fuck…Jesus…you’re so…fuck!”

Steve thrust into you, fingers clenching on the flesh of your hips as he grunted, his release filling you. He sucked down a large gulp of air, sweat glistening along the skin of his forehead and collapsed forward on you, his face pressed between your breasts, cock still nestled within you.

“Holy fuck…” he gasped, his lips peppering your skin with soft kisses.

Your fingers slipped into his hair, “Yeah…that’s definitely one way to describe it.”

You lay there, panting, struggling to come back down from the high you were currently on when your nose wrinkled. You smelled something…wrong. It was an acrid smell, almost smoky. And then your fire alarm began blaring.

“Shit!” you yelled, slapping at his back. “The bars!”

Steve jumped up, slipping out from you and as you leapt from the island, his release slid down your legs. But you couldn’t worry about that when dark smoke was currently billowing out of the oven.

Steve grabbed onto a pot holder, opening the oven door and pulling the bars that were now a burnt crisp out. He dropped them on top of the stove while you ran to the kitchen window, cracking it open, waving your arms to try to get the smoke out. Steve grabbed the dish towel he’d used earlier and waved it by the smoke detector until it finally stopped its incessant beeping.

“Holy shit,” you gasped, bent forward and then you burst out laughing at the absurdity of this moment. Both of you, bare ass naked, racing around the kitchen to empty it of smoke.

“Yeah, holy shit,” he laughed. “I mean, I like to think sex with me is pretty hot but I’ve never almost burned down a kitchen before.”

“So much for the bars.”

He shrugged, slipping up beside you, his arms snaking around your waist, his face nuzzling into your neck.

“That just means we need to do more baking and I would definitely like to do more baking with you.”

Chapter 11

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r3starttt · 4 months

Text

Amoeba

a/n: third part of don’t delete the kisses (lmk if you noticed the Dina x Ellie reference 🤞)

pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.4

Warnings: a little bit of angts(? lots of fluff. homophobia. mentions of suicide.

“Between the gasps, I was swimming laps”

Echo chambers inside a neighborhood

In centerfold, humility’s shown

You’re not as good as what your mama’s sewn

Nobody yet everything, a pool to shed your memory

Could you say you’ve been tired? You haven’t called your family twice

I can hope tonight goes differently, but I show up to the party just to leave

The delicious and soft aroma of sweet bread wakes you up. Before you can even open your eyes properly, you feel your stomach growl. How much have you been sleeping for?

The warm of the sun coming from a big window besides you doesn’t help as you try hard to open your eyes. You rub them, yawning and stretching your legs.

It was probably the first time since you moved to this place that you didn’t felt exhausted.

You grabbed your phone to check the time, it was 10:30 am. How on earth could you slept for so long? you usually don’t make it pass 9 am, your body simply wakes you up and once your eye open there’s no way to feel tired enough to go back to sleep.

“Did I wake you up?” Ellie’s voice bring you back to reality, you finally turn around, there’s two plates on top of the kitchens counter with what seemed like hotcakes in them. Your heart felt like melting. “No… did you just cook our breakfast? How long have you been awake?”

Still a little bit sleepy you stood up from the couch you’ve slept in last night. Giving slow dizzy steps towards the counter and sitting on one of the few chair that were along it.

“Not too long, probably an hour” you could only see her back and her messy hair as she looked trough the many cabinets of the kitchen “what’re you looking for?” “The fucking maple syrup! I literally bough it like… three days ago”

“I bet you forgot it at the store” a sleepy chuckle came out of your mouth, already craving the very tasty hotcakes displayed in front of you.

“No I didn’t, I’m not that stupid” just before you could speak back she found it, whispering a ‘yessss’

She turned around and sat next to you, covering her plate with and exaggerated amount of syrup “That’s a lot” “it’s not” “it is”

Probably she was just as hungry as you were because none of you spoke again último both plates were empty, not even a crumb left.

“No, lemme do it” you pushed her away from the sink, she’d already done more than enough by cooking something for both “Why did you wake up so early? Didn’t you say how your day started like…. suuuper late?” with your hands you lifted both sleeves of your sweater, starting to wash the dishes.

“Couldn’t really sleep” she replied, almost too fast “Why?” she stood in silence for some seconds before explaining “It’s gonna sound super cheesy, just forget it”

“Now I really wanna know” you laughed “Did you dream of me? Of us? Did you marry me and started the most pretty cliche life with me?” she groaned

“Actually yeah, but you were so different…. and we were younger too” could it be? “did I have the same name?” you glazed at her quickly, but enough time to see her sudden change of expression “How’d you know?”

“I’ve had the same dreams, I freaked out when I first met you” you could hear the way the chair moved abruptly, her footsteps getting closer to you

“It made me feel nostalgic” her figure finally appeared on the corner of your eye, you were about to finish cleaning the last glass “and you haven’t even got to the best part” the sarcasm on your voice made her feel so confused,

Were you being serious right now? “What does that even mean?” her arms rested on the counter, watching you clean the glass “I’m not gonna spoil you our failed romance, just go to sleep and you’ll see” “You’re fucking with me” her hand slapped your shoulder slightly “I’m not! You’ll see what I mean tonight” all dishes now clean, how convenient.

“Is this what you meant yesterday? Is that why you asked me about-“

“Yes, but you don’t believe in those things, it’s fine”

“We’ve really met before then? Isn’t creepy?”

“Not really, I mean, not literally”

“You think we are soulmates then?”

You shrugged

Wooden floor sounding loudly as you walked to a small coffee table where you’d put all your bags the day before. Everything you’d bought and everything Ellie had insisted on buying you. There were just a few bags, you didn’t want to carry much.

“I can’t believe you suddenly believe in all this” you chuckled “well, we both dreamt about it. It’ll be too creepy if it was just a coincidence or something” she was just following you through the apartment, walking behind you whenever you moved.

“Have any plans for today?” you we’re hoping she didn’t, it would’ve been cute to stay all day with her, or maybe go out again. But she nodded, she did have plans for today.

“Gotta go see my parents, family reunion or some shit” you hummed “then I’ll go already, I don’t want you to be late or anything”

“I won’t”

“You know if you bring a girl this is over” Ellie’s mom looked furious. Her dad was just sitting besides her, trying to calm her wife down and trying to convince Ellie to stay a little more to properly talk.

But both of them were so stubborn and easily blinded by anger. No one could really intervene once they started shouting at each other.

“What’s the matter with it? I’ve been a fucking perfect child for this entire family but I’m not allowed to do one thing for myself?” she was so mad, her fists tightening more and more every time her mother spoke back.

“You are, just….not something like this” her mom finally calmed down, sitting besides her husband and staring back at Ellie with the must blank expression ever. it was infuriating.

“We’ll it’s either her or you two, and I’m not gonna quit to my life anymore just to please you” the whole room stood in silence. Everyone could fill the tension but it was completely quiet.

“Then don’t ever dare to come back”

This words made everyone feel disgusted, an unexplainable shiver running trough the ambience, touching every inch of skin of those present.

“No… shit, mom I’m sorry alright? I just” the knot of tears forming on her throat didn’t allow her to speak properly “what am I supposed to do? why can’t you accept it?”

“Get a man Ellie, grow up and start acting like an adult”

“Why not a woman? If it’s about the money, she’s rich alright? She has a great job, she lives in my same building, you know it’s not-“

“She lives there?”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

“You’ll find another place then. I don’t want you to keep talking about this, I trust you’re gonna do the right thing”

You haven’t heard of Ellie since that day in the morning when you left to your apartment. You could hear her when she came back but decided not to bother.

She’d told you about her parents, how they weren’t so supportive now that she’s an adult. She’d told you how much it overwhelmed her the idea of visiting them or just having any type of contact with them.

And it’s not that you could do much about it either. You’d only have one date and knew her for almost two months so far so you weren’t quite sure about how to help or comfort her, also, you didn’t have the time to go and find out right now.

You were busy placing every new decor you’d bough with her and taking the chance to clean everything.

However you were thinking the whole day about her, well, the old Ellie you’ve met somewhere else. Could she have any effect on your new Ellie? on your new relationship?

It gave you anxiety to think about how she’d react when she knew what had happened, if she ever got to see it.

Would she understand? Would she hate you? Would she just ignore it? Would she even let you know If she knew what happened?

And the most darker and cozy the ambience got the more your anxiety grew, because you feared that night came and Ellie could see something that made things change. That maybe it’ll affect her as much as it did to you when you first saw it all.

You feared that the story could somehow repeat again, maybe as a karma type of thing. You feared that not you or her could handle it.

Because you’d wait her forever, you’d do anything for her. But something you did knew and something you were sure about was that whenever someone hurt her, she’d never forget about it, she won’t forgive, not easily.

10 pm

Weird to not have a single text from Ellie, she always sent you dumb stuff or tried to convince you to go with her to work or eat together.

“You haven’t texted me all day. U good?”

“Can you come over? I feel like shit”

“Wanna talk?”

“Just cuddle, hurry”

She’d been sleeping next to you for almost an hour now.

When you came in she didn’t say anything, her eyes looked puffy, her nose and cheeks were slightly red and her hair was a mess.

You decided not to ask any questions, she’ll tell you everything eventually, when she’s ready to talk about it.

You’d been running your hands trough her hair, caressing her back and arms, hugging her tightly and whispering to her how everything will be fine, how you wouldn’t leave her side ever. Reassuring her that you would stay as long as she needed. Until she fell asleep.

So now you were just cuddling with her. Arms around each other’s warm bodies, the whole apartment in complete silence, just Ellie’s heavy breathing as your hands kept on palming and caressing her back.

She started to cry on her sleep, saying random words and murmurs that made no sense. Whispering a bunch of unfinished phrases and letting out small whimpers.

You assumed maybe it was the stress, or whatever situation her parents had put her in some hours ago.

Until you heard your name. Could she be dreaming about the two of you again? Should you wake her up? Was she experiencing what you feared the most? So fast already? Maybe you-

Her eyes opened abruptly, letting out a loud gasp as if she was out of breath.

“Ellie, hey…. I’m here shhh” small pats on her back as she tried to compose herself. She was breathing extremely heavily “What happened?”.

Her eyes met yours and only there you realized about the tears on them, about the sweat on her face making some of her baby hairs stick on her face.

“You’re here” her body practically jumped to yours, embracing you with her arms, tightly “What is it? did you have a nightmare or something? El?” you could practically hear her heart beat, so loud and unsteady. Almost too fast.

She murmured something, her voice was too shaky and teary to speak properly “I don’t wanna lose you”

Your hands ran trough her hair, trying to not panic and make things worse for her. You leaned on her and kissed her head, gently.

“Good….”

“Why’d you do something like that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Leave everyone and everything like that”

“That wasn’t really me, don’t worry ab-“

“Just why? you had so much privilege and fucking friends, I was dating you, we were best friends”

She couldn’t go to sleep after that, she didn’t really tell you about the dream she had but you already knew.

And you thought she’d understand, but maybe you were wrong, maybe she never did and you just convinced yourself about it because you two were in love.

“I felt overwhelmed, I thought you-“

“I feel overwhelmed too but it’ll pass, there no fucking need of killing myself”

Was she being serious? How were you supposed to reply back?

“Is it because of your parents? We don’t need to talk about this if you’re not feeling like”

“No it’s not” it is “and It’s important that we talk about it because that fucking detail just changes everything, how am I supposed to live like this with you knowing you could do it again?”

You’d make her dinner this time, but at this point it wasn’t possible for either of you to even touch the food anymore.

“Did you see what happened after I died?” she nodded, maybe the lack of knowledge was troubling this whole thing. “Is that why you’re mad? I didn’t see it”

You were trying your best to not explode, but you felt like punching her right in the face. How could she speak like this about you? About everything?

How could she be so selfish and stupid right now.

“I’m mad about the whole situation, why’d you leave me and not even talk to me about it? Why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling? Why’d you have to be so selfish? I was left alone after that, your parents moved out of the town.”

So they did take care of her as you’ve asked them to. And she did search for them to have some support as you’ve insisted.

“That was someone else Ellie, things are different here. I won’t leave you, I’m fine”

“How do you know? if we met again is for a reason”

“To actually end together maybe?”

“I don’t think so”

The immediate regret on her face was something you’ve never seen before. But you’re now too focused on your own pain to care.

“You know, the reason of those letters, the reason of why I didn’t died earlier and the reason why I’m here right now, making you fucking dinner Is because I care about you more than I could ever care about myself”

You could feel the salad flavor of tears slowly appearing in your throat. The tears slowly blinding you as rage built in your heart. It was physically painful.

“And it sucks and I know it’s not how any of this should’ve been but it it’s, and we can’t change what we’ve experienced” she stood up from the chair she was eating at, almost running towards you “but I’ve tried over and over again to make us work, and I’m tired of you not understanding. You’re supposed to love me Ellie, why can’t you?”

“I really thought you’d get over it, I really thought you’d understand in this life too. But you always let the anger in you fuck everything”

She tried to hold you, to speak, anything to try and talk and not fuck yo things again. Because you were more than right and she knew it.

“I guess we’ve changed, maybe you’re right snd we are just not meant to be anymore”

“That’s not what I meant! my mom she- they don’t want me to be with you, I’m sorry I’ve been feeling like shit today, please let’s talk Mhm?”

Her hands were on your face, cleaning every tear that ran along your pretty eyes and your pretty nose, along your shaky lips and all the way to your jawline.

But you stopped her, because you didn’t care about any explanation she had now. It was fucking stupid from her to act the way she did and maybe she was right, maybe you two weren’t meant to be.

Maybe it was all an illusion.

“I’m mad at them and you’re right, I let the anger blind me but I’ll promise I’ll control it. Just let’s talk, please” you wouldn’t reply, not verbally or physically and it made her feel so horrible to see you like this.

“She wants me to stay away from you, but I chose you over them. I love you, I really do-“

“I’ll make her a favor then”

Hopefully it was an illusion.

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