#I’ll be real with you if he plays this live I’ll immediately burst into sobs but like it feels too raw maybe he won’t | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

omg-imatotalmess · 3 years

Text

Better Than Your Pillow

Hey guys! There was an anon that asked for a little more sub!neville as a cure for their blues, and I couldn’t resist. Sub!neville is chicken soup for the soul. Hope y’all enjoy!

Pairing: Neville Longbottom x Reader

Requested: Ye

Anonymous Requested: i need more sub neville. i’m so sad

Warnings: Pillow humping, mild voyeurism, fingering, dirty talk, mild praise kink, sub!neville, dom!reader, swearing

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If you hadn’t seen it with your own eyes, you wouldn’t have believed it. Neville. Your sweet, shy, ever awkward Neville curled over his pillow, humping it with the desperation of a dog in heat. All while spilling the filthiest fantasies into the open air. Every one of them revolving around you. In your shock, all you could do was take it in. And you couldn’t say you minded. He was really putting on a good show.

“(Y/N)! Fuck, I’ll be your good boy!” he cried, fisting his sheets like they were the only things keeping him steady.

“I’ll be so good! Use me however you want. Please, I want you to!” he babbled. His hips shifted faster, maybe imagining your reply. You certainly knew what it would be.

You took a step further into the room, closing the door quietly so as not to disturb the scene in front of you. It was everything you’d ever hoped for—the amalgamation of every wet dream you’d ever had wrapped up in a pretty bow. Well, in an argyle sweater vest, actually. Leaning against the bedpost, you let his sheer want wash over you. It was heavy and searing but more perfect than you ever could have imagined. And from there, you could see his face. The way his mouth gaped open, chest heaving with every sound out of him and his eyes screwed shut against the onslaught of pleasure your phantom self was giving him. It made you wonder what he’d look like if he got the real thing. You couldn’t believe Neville hadn’t noticed you yet. Then again, he was too busy talking to hear your own labored breaths.

“Do anything you want to me! Please, I’m yours. Your little slut to play with! Tie me up and play with me until you’re satisfied!” he begged.

“If that’s what you want.” The words slipped out of your mouth completely unbidden.

“(Y/N)?!” he squeaked.

“You were late to our study session,” you said.

“I-I’m so sorry. Merlin, I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life. Let me just p-put my trousers on an-and I’ll be there in a minute,” he rambled, scrambling into a sitting position with the pillow doing very little to conceal his flushed, dripping cock.

“Don’t stop on my account,” you said, a smile curling at the corner of your mouth, “It looked like you were just getting to the good bit.”

“Please don’t tease me,” he moaned, covering his face with his hands.

“Who’s teasing?” you asked, feeling a smile curling at the corner of your mouth.

“Why can’t the castle just swallow me whole and put me out of my misery?” he said miserably. It was like he hadn’t heard you.

“Who’s teasing, Nev? I’m interested,” you said.

“I-Interested?” he sputtered, head shooting up.

“Mm-hmm, I’d love to help you out. If you want me to, that is. If not, I’ll leave, and we’ll pretend this never happened,” you offered.

Blinking at you with big, slightly unsure eyes, Neville let his pillow slip off his lap. He wanted to. You could tell that much. The way his eyes trailed up and down your body was leaving you a little hot under the collar. Smiling, you waited for him to answer. It was his decision, and who were you to rush him? Taking in a shaky breath, he reached for you, pulling you gently onto the bed while trying not to look you in the eyes.

“Please?” he whispered.

“Please what?” you asked despite the knowing glint in your eye.

“Please, touch me,” he muttered shyly.

“Like this?” you asked, drawing patterns over his plush thigh with your fingertips, just barely brushing his cock each time. It jumped with each gentle attention.

“(Y/N),” he whined. You gave him a wolfish grin.

“I guess I did say I wasn’t teasing,” you said. “Undress me.”

“A-Are you sure?” Despite the question, he was already working the buttons of your shirt with shaking hands, popping them open one by one.

“Hurry up. I don’t like to be kept waiting,” you ordered.

“A-Alright. Anything you want,” he breathed, yanking your shirt the rest of the way open and pushing it off your shoulders before making quick work of your pants. Each item was laid carefully beside the bed as soon as it left you. Before long, you were bare in front of him as his eyes roamed your body. It was like you’d showed him Eden. He couldn’t figure out where to look first. You smiled, pulling him toward you by his sweater vest. God, you were glad he’d kept it on.

“Good boy,” you purred, “Now, I want you to finger me open until I’m nice and ready to take that pretty cock of yours.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, reaching blindly for the bottle of lube he’d tossed on the edge of the bed when he started.

Slicking up his fingers, he stroked over you a few times just to excite you a little more. Also likely just to touch you like that. You let him. Bringing your hands to your own chest, you pinched and tugged at your nipples lightly. Partly to add to the sensation of Neville’s fingers stroking your sex and partly to put on a show. He watched your fingers dancing over your chest for a moment before bringing his eyes to yours.

“Can I-Can I suck them?”

“Kiss me first,” you said. As his lips touched your own, he pressed a finger into you gently. Groaning, you arched your back and bit down on his lip. When he let out a thin whine, you laved your tongue over the spot. The two of you stayed like that for a bit, his finger moving in you, kissing you as though the world was burning down around you. Then you pulled back. Dragging in a deep breath, you fisted his hair.

“Go on. Use your mouth.” He didn’t need to be told twice. Licking and sucking at your nipples as he added fingers. His tongue flickered over one hardened bud, pressing his fingers into you all the more eagerly. For a while, you simply lost yourself to the sensation.

“(Y/N),” he whined, grinding his dripping cock against your leg.

“Be a good little slut and beg for it,” you said.

“Please, please, I’ll do anything you want! I’ll be such a good boy for you. I will. So good. Please, (Y/N), let me put it in. Can I put it in?” he plead, practically humping your leg like he’d been humping his pillow earlier.

“You really want it?” you teased.

“Yes! So much! I’ll be such a good boy,” he promised.

“Fuck me.” Your voice was low and sharp—an order. One that he couldn’t have resisted even if he wanted to. He pressed into you slowly, watching you to make sure you were enjoying yourself. Each inch was a little more heaven than the last. Growling, you tugged his hair and bucked your hips down impatiently.

“I-I’m trying to be gentle,” he whimpered, shaking in your grip.

“Who the fuck asked for gentle?” you snarled, yanking his hair savagely. “I said fuck me, Neville!”

“Ooooooh!” A long howl burst from his mouth as he thrust into you recklessly, which you silenced with your mouth. Swallowing down his pathetic, little sounds of please and trading them for yours. His hips pounded against yours, encouraged by your heels digging into the small of his back. At this point, you couldn’t tell if he was chasing his pleasure or yours. You didn't care. It was all the same.

“Fuck, there! Good boy, right there!” you groaned.

“Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you...” his thanks became a chant into the crook of your neck. He only interrupted it to sink his teeth into it every now and then.

“Harder!” Obedient as you expected, he fucked into you hard enough to scoot the two of you up the bed. The sound of the headboard slamming against the wall was just background noise to you. Neville’s drawn-out, sobbing moans were far more interesting.

“Close,” he breathed.

“Don’t you dare cum before I do,” you hissed in his ear.

“Please, please, (Y/N). So close,” he begged. His hips had completely lost any semblance of rhythm. They just pistoned away unevenly, somehow managing to hit exactly where you wanted it most.

“C’mon, a little more. Almost...!” Your words trailed off into a long, high moan as your orgasm washed over you. For a moment, the world whited out. All you could feel was Neville driving himself into you like a man unhinged and wave after wave of pleasure. When you finally came back to earth, Neville was hammering into you, sobbing incoherent pleas into your shoulder.

“Can I cum? Please?” he sobbed.

“Cum for me,” you said. And he was gone. His teeth sunk into your shoulder, but it did nothing to stifle his shout of pleasure. You could feel his hands leaving bruises on your hips, but you didn’t mind. Not as he shook on top of you, pumping his cock in you a few final times before collapsing on top of you. Smiling, you pressed a kiss to his sweaty hair.

“Better than you pillow?” you giggled after a moment of catching your breath.

“I’m never going to live this down,” he muttered, keeping his face buried in your neck.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ve never cum so hard in my life,” you said. Pulling back, he looked down at you with a good measure of surprise on his face.

“R-Really? I was good?” he stuttered in disbelief.

“So fucking good. Jesus Christ, Nev, I almost blacked out,” you said. He made a pinched-off sound, dipping his face out of your eyesight. After another moment of silence, he spoke up.

“Thank you,” he said.

“No problem. If you ever wanna do that again, come find me,” you said, carding your fingers gently through his hair.

“Can I take you on a d-date first?” he asked shyly.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that, but how about a nap first,” you said. Nodding, he curled up against your side and dropped off almost immediately. You, however, laid awake for a bit. That was so much better than studying. And definitely better than his pillow.

#neville longbottom x reader #neville longbottom x reader smut #neville longbottom smut #neville longbottom #neville longbottom x reader imagine #neville longbottom imagine #neville longbottom oneshot #neville smut #neville x reader #neville x reader smut #harry potter #harry potter imagine #hp #dom!reader #sub!nevile

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darkmulti · 3 years

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I see your request is open for hc yay!

Can i request A!JKxO!Reader where jK has a huge dick and reader is a virgin and also his mate. So JK marries her and forcefully deflowered her and forcing orgasms out of her (bleeding/blood play while deflowering her is up to you). She found out JK’s obsessions of forcing orgasms out of hers until she passed out every night. JK also has a breeding and breastfeeding kink so he wanna knock her up just so he can breastfeed on her. He locked her up, all the time he spends with her is used to breed her while forcing as many orgasms out of her. Ok thats too long of an ask, sorry.. 🥺 thanks! 💜

-> I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH SHAUSHSHS

⚠️: NON CON, mention of blood, breeding kink, breast feeding kink, multiple orgasm, dacryphilia kink, angst, death, murder, slapping, somnophilia kink, rough sex

Pairing: Alpha!Jungkook x Omega!Virgin!reader

-> sorry for any mistakes

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Your breed and Jungkook’s breed are not on good terms

The reason why is because your breed have better senses and are a lot stronger

Jungkook’s breed is the second strongest and let me tell you, they don’t like second place

Since they outdo your breed in numbers, they travel around in large packs and kill wolves your kind

If they eliminate all of you, they’ll be on top

Your parents raised you to stay away from them

They’re just trying to keep you safe because you’re their only child

They allowed you to explore the forest, but you couldn’t go too far

They still needed to be able to smell you out

You’re parents also told you howl if you felt like you were in danger

And you can only explore during the day time

Once it’s night, you must stay close to your parents so they can protect you

One day, you were sitting close to edge of a cliff

This was your favourite spot because it gave the perfect view of the sun setting

10 minutes later, you decided to go back to your pack only to be horrified by the scene

Your pack… everyone was dead

Blood everywhere

Bite marks all over their body

You walked into the crime scene more and saw your parents dead on the ground, next to each other

You immediately burst out into tears, not believing what you’re seeing

“Mom! Mom, please! Wake up!” You nudged her but it was too late

You sat down in between your parents and grieved the whole night

Why couldn’t they kill you too?

You were about to close your eyes but, caught an unfamiliar scent

Your natural instincts kicked in and you got up

You started looking around but that’s when something attacked you from behind

You fall to the ground and knock out after they give you one hard blow to the head

The next morning, you woke up in a bed

You frantically looked around, trying to put the pieces together, but that’s when he popped out of no where

His scent didn’t fail to reach you and once you inhaled it, you remembered all the traumatizing events of last night

Your heart rate increased and you immediately started to panic

“Where’s my mom?! Where am I?! Take me home!”

You started to freak out

“My mom told me to stay away from monsters like you! Leave me alone!”

You let out a piercing howl and made a run for it

However, Jungkook was faster and much, much stronger

He got a hold of your wrist and dragged you back to the room

He quickly pulled out his phone and shoved it in your face

You were squirming around at first but once you heard a familiar cry, you stopped

Jungkook was showing you live footage of wolves your breed, tied up god knows where and howling for help

Your heart crumbled into a million pieces

“W-why are you doing this to us?” You choked on your sobs while watching your breed beg for mercy

“Marry me, and I’ll let them go.”

You looked at him, appalled

“Marry? I won’t marry you. After you killed my family, you want to get married?!”

You pushed him away from you and slapped him

Jungkook poked his cheek with his tongue and quickly dialed a number

“Kill them all.”

You look up wide eyed and shouted “No!”

“You don’t wanna marry me so, now I have to kill them.”

“Wait! No! I’ll marry you! Please set them free!”

Jungkook smirked in victory and told his buddies to stop

“Wedding is tomorrow. Everything is planned, all you have to do is get all dolled up for me and say “I do.”

He left your room as you sat down on the edge of the bed, wiping your tears away

The next day was the worst day of your life

They woke you up early so, they could start getting you ready for the wedding

Once you said “I do” at the alter and signed the paper, Jungkook lips turned into a evil grin

After sealing your marriage with your first kiss, Jungkook drove you both back to your new house

Once you got inside you turned around and faced him

“I did what you asked. I got married to you and now, I’m your mate. You got what you wanted. Now show me live footage that you’re letting the wolves go.”

“You’re so cute, y’know? You really fell for it. The footage wasn’t live. Those wolves have been dead for a while. I could show you the footage of me killing them, if you’d like.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach

“What do you mean? It wasn’t real?!”

“You’re so naive, little one.”

You look at him, dumbfounded

“Why did you kill all of them? Why did you kill my pack? I just don’t understand. Why did you kill all of them just to marry me in the end?”

“Lower your voice, I don’t like being talked to in that way.”

“Go fuck yourself!” You yelled and turned around to leave

He pulled you back and carried you downstairs to the basement while you kept thrashing and yelling

“Let me go, you sick bastard! I don’t want to be near you. Your scent is disgusting!”

You made the worst mistake of your life that night

That was the first time you made him angry

He tried controlling himself but, after you insulted his scent, he wasn’t going to go easy on you

One hard slap after another shut you up pretty quickly

Now, you were terrified of him

Your cheeks were warm and stinging as hot tears glided down

All you could think was “why?”

Why was this happening to you?

Why was only your breed being targeted?

Why did he kill all those wolves?

It mentally tore you apart

You couldn’t wrap your head around anything going on

Before you could fight back, Jungkook got on top of you and pulled your dress down

“W-what’re you doing?!” You quickly grab your dress and struggled to keep it up

“No! No, please! I’m not ready! Please, I’m not ready! I hate you!”

You began to panic, so naturally you howled

“Please! I want my first to be someone I love! Please, don’t do this to me! I’ve never done anything bad in my life! You can kill me if you’d like!”

Crying and fighting wasn’t enough to stop Jungkook

He pushed his whole length in and started fucking you hard without letting you adjust

You frantically cover your breast and private part with your hands but he flipped you around and took you from behind

You felt disgusting and worthless

Your blood was streaming down your thigh and it covered his cock

Jungkook grabbed your ripped wedding dress and wiped up all the blood so, you’ll never forget this day

He threw it in front of you to make you feel even more bad about yourself

You looked away from the dress and focused on your breathing

The speed he was going at was unbearable therefore, it was quite hard to catch your breath

You started to cry for help, calling for anyone who was brave enough to save you

Jungkook’s size wasn’t easy to adjust to

It felt like you were being ripped apart

Especially because it was your first time

“P-please! S-slower! I can’t-”

Your voice cracked in between your sobs

You felt his cock grow inside of you and his tip began rubbing against your cervix

The pain was too much to handle so, you started to cry harder

“No! Too much! I can’t take it!” You wailed, trying to move away from him

He pulled you right back and went as deep as he possibly could

You came around him and thought it was over

Little did you know, it was just the beginning

Hours later, you were under him sobbing hysterically

You were filled with his cum to the point where it was leaking out of you

There was literally a puddle of cum in between your legs

You had bruises all over your arms and body because of his tight grip

And his strong scent made your head spin

You were a helpless, mess

Hickeys covered your neck, collarbone and jawline

Your lips were swollen from all the rough kisses

Your clit was burning from overstimulation

Your cheek was red and bruised

But, Jungkook didn’t plan on stopping

You felt like you were going to pass out when suddenly ripples of forced pleasure pushed through your body

You held your breath and tried fighting off the feeling but it was impossible

You started to cry more, not being able to handle the fierce orgasm

You sobbed uncontrollably, not know what was happening to your body

Before you could open your eyes again, you passed out

Jungkook hovered over you again and fucked you 10x harder after watching you spasm around him

He didn’t care that you were unconscious

You looked so hot in that moment, he couldn’t resist

This continued on for the rest of the year until he purposely impregnated you

If his offspring had a mix of his genes and a mix of your genes, it’d definitely be one of the strongest wolves to ever live

You were crying so hard, telling him to stop because you weren’t on anything

After you found out you were pregnant, he blamed it on you

“You have one fucking job and it was to take your pill.”

“I ran out of pills and I told you that night! I told you to stop. Jungkook, I tried my best to warn you but you didn’t listen-”

He pushed you back on the bed and forced another orgasm out of you, not caring about your pregnancy

You couldn’t fight him off so, you stayed still and hoped for the best

You didn’t want to stress out because it would be bad for your baby

Although you were pregnant, Jungkook demanded sex

Even when you were 8 months pregnant, he still fucked you as hard as he could

You were in so much pain but handled it for your child

The next month, you gave birth

You were obviously new to the mom life and it was quite difficult to adjust

Usually, women have to wait 4-6 weeks before engaging in sexual intercourse

The doctor explained it to both you and Jungkook, so it’s not like he doesn’t know

After you breast feed your newborn son, you tuck him into bed and go to your shared bedroom

You were still in a lot of pain and really wanted some rest

Jungkook was out hunting and when he came home, he was a bit intoxicated

You smelt the alcohol the moment he stepped in the house

He stumbled his way upstairs and slammed the door shut, scaring your newborn

Your son started to cry so you quickly got up to put him back to sleep but Jungkook didn’t allow you

“See what you’ve done? You wouldn’t have to deal with this shit if you had just taken your pill.”

You ignored him and went to your son’s room to put him back to sleep

Jungkook followed you to his room and pulled you out before you could pick up your son

“Did you listen to what I said? I’m fed up with this attitude of yours.”

“Let’s not fight in front of him. We’ll talk in the room.”

You escaped his grip and put your son back to sleep

When you enter your room, you see Jungkook sitting on the edge of the bed with his belt in hand

Your heart dropped to your stomach

“N-not today. It hasn’t even been 24 hours yet.”

He scoffed, “do you really think I give a shit?”

He raised his voice a little and you gestured him to keep it down

“Don’t yell, he’s sleeping.”

“This is my house, I can talk however I’d like.”

There was no winning against him, especially if he’s intoxicated

You thought you could hold him off for the night until he’s sober again, but you were completely wrong

You were going to your side of the bed when he whipped his belt below your butt

He pulled you by the hair onto the bed and pulled down your night shorts

“I can’t, Jungkook! It hasn’t been 4 weeks! No!”

Jungkook always gets what he wants

His body weight kept you down as his cock plunged deep inside your cunt

You haven’t healed properly, so the pain was intolerable

You covered your mouth with your hand and sobbed

You still needed to be quiet but it hurts so bad

You pushed your face into your pillow and attempted to let out quiet whimpers

“It hurts! Please, slower!” You whispered

Jungkook purposely went faster and the skin slapping was so loud, you were afraid it’d wake up the baby

You were gasping for air, trying to get his body weight off of you so you could breathe normally

An hour after, you had another orgasm

You clutched onto the bedsheets and tried your hardest to remain silent

Jungkook came inside you again and collapsed on top of you, making you groan

He grabbed your right breast and began sucking as hard as he could until milk squirted onto his tongue

You tried squirming around to get him off, but the more resistant you are the more aggressive he gets

In the end, you passed out like always

You kept your distance from him and gave all your attention to your son

He hated that your attention wasn’t on him 24/7

So, he gave your son to his parents for a full month and kept you locked up in the basement

For that whole month, he fucke you senselessly

You were having orgasms every night; you couldn’t do it anymore

He’d bite down on your nipples and manhandle you all sorts of ways

You were exhausted but your son’s life was always on the line

Jungkook could easily hurt him

He doesn’t really care about your son

(I mean, he does but he acts like he doesn’t so he can use it against you.)

Jungkook only looks at your son as your weakness

He’ll make you have three orgasms in a row and if you tell him to stop or slow down, he mentions your son and it immediately shuts you up

He loved having so much power over you

He could literally fuck you for the rest of your life

You didn’t understand why this was happening to you, but there was nothing that you could do about it

There’s no one that could help you and even if there was, Jungkook will always one step ahead

No one dares to mess with him

I know this has lots of mistakes. I’m so sorry😭

#non con #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #bts smut

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aetherarf · 3 years

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Hi hello i saw your requests are open!! And i dont know if this is allowed but can you do genshin boys caught cheating and they played it off and later on they started to regret what they did and when they found the reader, the reader is now happy or disappeared or idk ITS UP TO YOU TO DEICIDE HEHEHEHE IM SORRY I LOVE READING ANGST SM SO ITS OKAY IF YOU WONT TAKE IT !! YOUR WORKS ARE REALLY GREAT BTW!!! (more than great i mean *chefs kiss*)

Yes I've finally gotten to this one! I hope it's angsty enough for you 😘

[[ WARNING: CHEATING, NON-LETHAL INJURY, ALCOHOL ]]

[[ Summary: Kaeya, Childe, and Diluc end up cheating on their partner... They get caught, not by their partner, but someone else. As the days pass, they begin to regret it... only for their little secret to get back to their lover...

Note, Kaeya's is longest/wordiest cuz I didn't realize I should probably be a bit more brief... Kaeya favouritism lol.

Overall Word Count: 3'602 [rip me]

Kaeya Word Count: 1'841

Childe Word Count: 950

Diluc Word Count: 811 ]]

Kaeya

Distantly, he remembers an old saying from Crepus, in response to his question-- "Why do people drink so much?"

"Well... Alcohol doesn't solve anything, but it can make you forget questions you'd rather not think about."

He understood that as he got older. Why stress, and think about things he could not control? ... Well, maybe he should deal with them, but that's easier said than done when his entire life was on the line. Every night, in the tavern, he drank to forget. Not that he'd admit that to anyone.

And, somehow, he had forgotten more than he'd like to admit. On his lap, a beautiful woman, and he was tugged to a back closet of the Angel's Share. She tasted sweet, like wine and sugar. If it wasn't for an intruder, ( despite the fact that he was the one intruding into staff-only area ) he likely would have had a far better time, to completely lose himself in his inebriation.

"K-Kaeya!" Uh oh, as his vision focused, he could see Diluc's unmistakable silhouette, with that fluffy red hair and broad shoulders. "You," he pointed to the woman, "Out." The woman, not wanting to envoke the wrath of Sir Ragnvindr, running out immediately. But, Diluc didn't let Kaeya out, not that he was fighting to get out. Instead, he walked closer.

"What have you done?" he asked, voice low and full of rage. However, Kaeya could only smile,

"What do you mean, Master Ragnvindr?" He asked, all sly.

"You cheater," he snapped, "You do know that wasn't your partner? The one you swore yourself to? They were just looking for you, you know." He was nearly yelling, forcing his voice low...

And that, that idea, the realization of everything hit him harder than even the biggest bomb's that Klee had ever made. He... did.

"Look," The world was no longer warm an fuzzy, just a little shift away from his normal reality, everything crashing down. The thoughts that haunted him when you slept so peacefully in his arms, when he would see the knights laughing and smiling together, the ever-haunting knowledge that he was alone amongst them...

The way only you did not have that odd look in your eye, of wonder upon seeing something unique, or of something alien that terrified... You only looked at him as what he wished to be seen-a person.

And here he went, fucking it all up.

"Look," he said again, tears in his eye, "You, you can't tell anyone," He all but snapped at Diluc, who's eyes widened in shock, "I-I wouldn't tell if you did it, you have to do the same for me," he promised, desperately trying to think of what to do...

"Kaeya, this isn't about me, this is about you and-and them," Diluc didn't even need to say the name, "You're better than this, I won't tell, but only if you do."

Kaeya's brows furrowed, he wasn't used to feeling so... betrayed. Normally, it was expected, but this... but this was different! Wasn't it...?

"It has nothing to do with you, I... I can deal with it on my own, 'Luc." He insisted, straightening out his back. He was only a tiny bit taller than Diluc, but he wanted to hold it over him, to prove he wasn't going to let him use him over his... his mistake.

"Kaeya," his voice was... softer. Kaeya didn't want to hear this voice, this consoling voice. Not after everything, not... not like this!

"Fuck off, Diluc," he snapped, pushing him to the wall as he stormed out, "You made it clear you want nothing to do with me, don't try now. Not like this," he demanded, seeing Diluc look at him, eyes wide... shocked.

"Fine. Get out and don't come back." Diluc hissed, voice much lower, his eyes glazed over. Kaeya almost wanted to yell at him, to keep fighting... But, no, no, he didn't. He couldn't do that here, not when he was too desperate to figure out what to do, leaving through the front of Angel's Share, slamming the door behind him.

And he ran. He didn't know why, he wasn't headed home, but he just... he felt like he was running from his mistakes, the wind biting at his face, until he finally skidded into an alleyway, his back against the wall, his hand put up to his mouth, biting at the base of his thumb to stifle the sobs that wanted to burst from his chest. It hurt, oh, it hurt, but it felt... right, it felt like he should hurt, his teeth clasping harder onto his hand, tears rolling from his eye as he roughly breathed through his nostrils, his brain desperately trying to figure out what to do, what to say, what to think... But it all only ended up in a jumbled mess, of black and red and tears and crying.

He didn't know how long he sat there, but by the time he stopped biting his hand, it felt... hot, for some reason, and as he looked at his hand...

Red. Bite marks. His teeth had sunk in so deep, his skin was broken and reddened and bloody. He couldn't even feel the pain, like when the burning fire had turned to grey, dead embers... he felt nothing, his own bodily sensations distant in an odd way.

He doesn't even know why, but upon seeing his blood ooze from his flesh, he swing his fist towards the brick, hearing it clatter against it. He stared at his hand, pulling off his glove to stare, dazed, at his busted knuckles.

Holding his fist close to his chest, he finally walked home.

If I don't tell them, he thought, I can live with it. I've lived with worse. I live with worse.

He didn't want to.

But he did that-he cheated. He cheated on the one person that could make everything feel okay, like he never hurt anyone, like he wasn't from a distant corrupt land, like he wasn't the monster he was told to be.

Should he say it? Tell directly?

...

It wouldn't matter if he told immediately or in a week. He-he trusted you'd understand, he could... He could figure it out. He just, his brain was both sinking and floating, drunk yet sober, he wasn't in his own body right about now. He was somewhere gone, and he couldn't be making any decisions.

Shambling his way home, he opened the front door... And hesitated, listening. Looking. You weren't in eyeshot or earshot, so... He could wrap up his hand before he gave everything away, or at least, his temper tantrum of sorts. He rummaged around before finding that small first aide kit, cleaning the wounds of his own cause, and bandaged up his hand... for a second, he tensed, hearing your footsteps, but he opted to finish wrapping it before you could see.

"Kaeyaaa..." You whined, "You didn't come to bed..." You walked over, hugging him from the side, resting your head on him. How sweet you were, how cuddly... As though nothing happened.

"I'll come to bed in a minute," he said, "I just need to finish this real quick."

You peeked over to look at whatever he was messing with, and woke up in an instant, reaching over to his hand as he was tucking the end of the bandage away, so it wouldn't unravel so easily. "What happened?" You asked, tenderly holding his injured hand with both of yours.

"Nothing to be worried about," he reassured, trying to hide how his voice shook, "Just wanted to patch it up."

With one hand, you gently stroked his, and then lifted it to your mouth to give a loving kiss atop it. "Are you okay to come to bed?" You asked, still tired from the late hour.

"Of course," he wanted to kiss you, badly, but he refrained. You shouldn't, Kaeya, your mouth is dirty.

The two of you walked to bed, he undressing just enough to comfortably lie down...

Feeling how you snuggled up to him, sighing in such comfort now that he was home, and how you soon became a weight upon him as you sunk back into sleep...

However, he did not sleep that night. Or the next, or the next... Or the next.

Days, truly, passed. He did not sleep, he was not sleeping, Jean even scolded him for blacking out more than once, stunned when one second he was standing, and the next he was on the ground, no memory of having fallen, with the knights consoling him.

He started staying later, he had not gone back to the Angel's Share. Many mornings, he was not there when you woke. You knew he was busy, but... this was horrific.

Eventually, two weeks have passed. He steeled his nerves, and he was going to talk to you about it. He didn't want to live like this, with this guilt and agony upon the things he could not fix--but he could fix this. He could-he could make this better.

But, as he walked into your shared home... an eerie silence. As he looked around, it felt like... a lot was missing.

Everything that was missing, from simple objects placed about to pictures on the walls, were all yours. Of you.

Save for a single picture frame, with shattered glass, and a picture of him and you, smiling. It was one of the more coherent pictures the two of you had made.

Beside it, a note.

Dear Kaeya,

A woman came to me recently, telling me of you. Of how you kissed her, and nearly slept with her at the Angel's Share. She was unaware of the fact that you had a partner, and had finally found and confided in me about this.

I don't know what made you cheat on me like this, but worse still you've been avoiding me, and you wouldn't even tell me. If I knew... then we could have talked about it, we could have gotten counseling. We could have fixed this--fixed us. But you were gone.

I don't want to hear you say it, say that you don't love me or you don't want to be with me, so I left. I'm not in Mondstadt, I've gone to live with someone I can actually trust. Please don't look for me, I need time. Your lack of communication was enough to tell me you don't care enough to fix this.

Sincerely, Your former beloved.

Tears truckled down onto the paper, and he nearly crushed it in a single fist... But, no, he couldn't, he couldn't destroy the last connection he had to you, no matter how badly he wanted to rip out his eye, so he never had to look at it ever again. He collapsed the floor, the letter, and the framed picture falling to the ground, a broken, loud laughter rung through the house as tears fells down his face, maniacal in nature...

He wanted to be alone, and gone, for a long... long time.

Childe

Childe didn't understand the meaning of 'exclusive' as well. He loved you, dearly, but to him, love was a thing to be given more freely. Maybe it was just a lack of communication, or maybe he completely misunderstood your words, but with an old friend he slept with time and time again...

When Scaramouche saw him sending off his friend with a goodbye kiss, it being a casual commoditiy in his mind, only then did he get utterly chewed out for this.

"Are you a fucking idiot?" Scaramouche snarled at him, "You're not even shameful about this, you cheater." He snapped, as though he was truly angry for you, instead of just a generally very angry person. Childe shrugged.

"I wouldn't mind if they slept with someone else," he said casually, "Doesn't mean they love me any less, you know?"

Scaramouche tried to response, but he was simply flabberghasted. "Most people don't think that way, you airheaded moron."

Childe just laughed, brushing off the shorter harbinger, before walking off without a care.

But... in the end, the words got to him.

Maybe you didn't think that way? You two had spoken of marriage, a very possible reality that he was looking forward to... But, maybe there was a... culture clash, maybe? A clash of upbringings?

He found himself wondering these things at night, when you were snuggled up to him, unaware of the whirlwind of fear in his mind.

Silently, he resolved to simply stop--It would keep you happy, a little secret he didn't mind keeping. Maybe in many, many years, he'd mention it, but... he thought that was okay. That could be the last time he'd ever do something like that...

But, as he came home... You were sitting, waiting for him.

"Please, come sit down, Ajax," that morose tone, it made his heart ache... so he obeyed without question. You looked at him, face puffy and eyes red... "Tell me the truth," you asked, his heart sinking, "Did you cheat on me?"

He froze, but... "Y-yes, but-"

"I don't need an explanation," you admitted, a small, broken smile on your face, "I knew I wasn't loveable enough."

"Wait, no, no, that's not it at all-"

"No," you interrupted, "I don't need an explanation. I'll be out by tonight," you looked down at your lap, his heart shattering into even smaller pieces,

"Babe... please, please, let me explain, I'll never do it again-"

You stood,

"If you'd do it once, you'd do it again. Don't talk to me," you hesitated, "If you want me to be happy, don't look for me ever again."

He was trying to reach for you... but, he couldn't make himself grab you, not when you so delicately shied away...

Eventually, he gave up. No amount of fighting would stop you, and... and he... he couldn't keep seeing your pain as you cried for him to just leave you alone.

Was this love? The pain of another, the terror not of considering spending the rest of your life with them, but the terror of not spending the rest of your life with them?

Before he knew it, he was staring at a mirror, shards of glass in his fist, more than a few holes in the wall and a broken door, the shattered mirror distorting his expression...

Upon walking through the house, he saw that there was... it felt so empty, without your delicate touch and presence making it a place he lovingly called home.

"No," he whispered, hoping... were you here? Did you see... whatever he blacked out and did, the tantrum he did not remember? Did he, oh gods above, oh gods, he didn't hurt you, did he?

...

But he never got an opportunity to find out.

By the time he had sobered up from his tantrum... you were gone. Only a note, left behind, Don't look for me.

Because, you both knew, if he really wanted to find you, he could. He could capture you, trap you... hurt you.

But he didn't want any of that, as much as it hurt to have you away... to make you hate him anymore than you already did was enough to drive a man to near insanity.

Even after you had been gone, he would sit, whenever he was not forced to work, to fulfil his duties to the Tsaritsa... he would wait. He would cook your favourite dishes, read the books you liked, go to the places you enjoyed...

Only after weeks of this, did it hit him that you truly were never coming home. He knew that, but... but, somehow, his heart, his emotions hadn't caught up.

For a second time, he had destroyed your shared, no... his home.

It just wasn't home without you.

Unable to endure the idea of still being here, of a place where he had held you so many times, kissed you, loved you, and suddenly you were all but gone... He tried to do anything to avoid it, to avoid that demon that desperately tried to crawl out of him, threatening to burst from his chest.

Even the other Harbingers had noticed this, how... awful he had been, how he had lost himself. Even Scaramouche, the one most openly said to be the easiest to hate amongst them all, with an uncanny talent to bring even the most pacificistic souls to pure rage, had done well to stay his tongue, never kind, never sweet, but he would give him the isolation he craved, only speaking as much was necessary.

He didn't know what to do with himself, but whenever that happened... he'd just throw himself to the maws of death and, unluckily, crawl his way back out.

Diluc

Everything felt hot and fuzzy and...

Red.

Was red a feeling? His face was red, his body burned, and he could scarcely breathe, he definitely had accidentally drunk some alcohol, but for once, the effects of inebriation hit him. However, while he couldn't understand why people would devote their lives to this sensation, he could appreciate reality being distant, when he knew if he wasn't drunk, he would have spit up the wine and some extra blood, making it an even richer red color.

A warm feeling around his dick, he saw a pretty, if not distorted, face. It didn't take long for him to explode with sensation, his eyes shot wide... and a kiss pressed to his lips.

He almost chased that pretty face, only to see it disappear, he falling to his knees, rasping for air. Moments later, he felt hands on his shoulder's, shaking him. He shot his head up, seeing Kaeya looking at him in fear, and distantly, he heard his name...

"Diluc. Diluc. Diluc! Say something!"

Diluc stared at him, and opened his mouth to speak, but he only ended up jerking his head down, coughing into his elbow, seeing blood on his black coat... Kaeya noticed, too, frozen in shock.

"What happened?" he asked, his eye wide in shock.

"I..." Diluc rasped out, and his eyes widened in shock.

He realized what he had done.

He. He slept with someone who was most definitely not the one he had sworn himself to. Some-some random woman who was likely enchanted by the prospect of a rich man.

"Diluc!" Kaeya shouted, afraid, "What happened?"

Diluc shoved himself up, his hand on Kaeya's shoulder, already rushing to run out and all the way back to the Winery-but not before Kaeya grabbed him, stopping him, strength near equally matched.

"'Luc, I'm not letting you go anywhere until you-"

"I did," Diluc was still gasping for air, "I did something terrible." He admitted, with no small amount of pain.

"What did you do?" Kaeya asked, "Don't run, don't run, you're going to choke on your own blood-"

"No!" Diluc shouted, throwing Kaeya off his arm, running on pure adrenaline, even as his face was beet red, and his vision blurred.

But he needed to confess his sins, immediately, he needed to... now, now, now!

He heard Kaeya shout, but in the end, as he had to stop just to rasp for air again, the burn of alcohol still in his throat, he heard no shouting, nothing but the sound of his thundering heartbeats in his own ears.

Finally, he got to the Winery. You saw him, shocked, seeing his red face and how distressed he was, his hair nothing short of a fluffy mess.

"Diluc," you run over, he leaning on you, just to not collapse from the lack of air, "Diluc, what's wrong?"

"I-I..." He shuttered out, sucking in a breath, "I cheated on you."

You were reeling, "You-What?"

"I-I accidentally drank wine. I was drunk, I can't..." He was still heaving, "I can't breathe... I don't... I don't know what happened, but... She... a woman, she..."

He couldn't finish, but he didn't need to.

"You cheated on me and the first thing you did was come home and brag about it?" You asked, equal parts anguish and anger,

"No," he rasped, his knees buckling as the world tried to disappear on him, "I can't..." his hand went to his throat, "Wait..."

He didn't know what happened, but he only saw flashes after that--Your tears, his bloodied hands, you leaving.

And he was alone, on the ground, barely able to breathe, to think... to do anything.

You left him.

You were gone.

And, somehow, he wasn't mad at all. Having breathed long enough to move again, he stood... and he found the half-empty bottle of wine left on the table, the wine you adored so.

He grabbed the bottle and drank straight from it, feeling his throat and tongue swell, it crashing to the ground as he fell, unable to rasp even the slightest breaths,

I deserve this, he thought, I deserve this. This is all I deserve.

...

...?

For some reason, despite his better wishes, he woke up. He lay in bed, a cool, wet cloth over his forehead... his flesh burned, and his tongue was still swollen, he unable to wiggle it in his mouth. His breathing, still, was labored, but it seemed that he was still breathing, despite everything.

He watched as Adelinde cautiously walked over, looking down at his face, "... Master Diluc, are you alright?"

No, he wasn't, but he could not even sob and cry, for he could not breathe enough to do so.

A cruel twist of fate, but he was not deserving to cry, he was the one who hurt you. You did nothing but love him.

He didn't deserve anything right now.

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #kaeya #diluc #childe #genshin kaeya #genshin diluc #genshin childe #kaeya x reader #diluc x reader #childe x reader #bark writes #// also dw anon i've written way more messed up stuff than this #// :)#// also idk why ppl cheat beyond the thrill of it and i wanted to make it more interesting than that #// chlide was the closest to that idea #// i got some shitty news + people who didnt stop bringing it up so this took way more time than i'd like to admit

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pingutats · 3 years

Text

at last!

it’s the morning after harry proposed, and here you are, in heaven.

warnings: some sexual content, not very graphic.

word count: 2k

. . . . .

As soon as you start to drift awake, you feel this overwhelming sense of bliss. Like everything is right in the world, properly aligned and in harmony. Your heart feels full, warm like the way a lover would cradle their hands around yours on a chilly winter night.

The thing that pulls you completely from the gentle embrace of sleep into the morning is someone actually grabbing your left hand. Not just someone, but Harry. And, you remember suddenly like a crack of lightning bursting through your sleep-weary skull, he isn’t just Harry, he’s —

“Morning, love,” he murmurs, his voice croaky and slightly slurred from sleep still, as he pulls your hand over to him and slips the ring back onto your fourth finger. “Y’always look so pretty in the morning. ‘Specially today.”

“H,” you whisper back, barely able to form a coherent thought. He’s your fiancé. You blink your eyes open, rubbing at them as you adjust to the weak light streaming through a window. “Oh my god, Harry.”

He’s grinning at you, eyes still half-closed. He brings your hand to his mouth and kisses the ring. “Oh my god, Y/N,” he repeats back, and you giggle.

You hold your hand up to the light, twisting your wrist so the small, classic diamond sparkles. You’ve seen it before, of course. You’ve known what it looks like for ages. The two of you picked it out together in a store a couple months ago. You’ve spoken about this moment, over and over — sometimes in practical terms to try and plan for your future, sometimes whimsically as you spelled out your wildest dreams to each other — but now it’s here. It’s real.

He was insistent on being the one to propose. You could pick the ring, the wedding venue, write the guest list and choose his outfit and even curate the reception playlist, he offered— as long as he got to propose. You accepted, of course, without the bargaining. You wanted him to do it anyway.

Harry isn’t one for grand gestures. When you first met him, only knowing him as the glamorous rockstar that he performs as when he’s on stage, you had assumed he would be into the massive displays of affection, the lavish gifts and the kind of relationship that no one can tear their eyes away from. But he isn’t really like that.

Harry is a cup of tea set out for you in the morning before you even ask for one. The last segment of the mandarin he was eating, held out for you to take. A hundred kisses to your cheek over the course of a night out, for no particular reason except that he’s tipsy and he loves you. A playlist that he texts to you with a sweet note in the description. Making the bed by himself before you’re done brushing your teeth. Carrying you from the car to the door at three in the morning because your heels are killing you and he’d rather roll around naked on broken glass than see you in any amount of pain at all.

That’s what Harry is. So it made sense that, rather than flying you out to Paris and organising a string quartet to play in the background while he got down on one knee under the Eiffel Tower at night (something you had joked about often), he did it in his own little unassuming way.

You wanted a surprise. That was all you asked. If he was going to ask, he better make it good.

It wasn’t big. It wasn’t grand or especially beautiful. You had been baking together all afternoon: flour all over the place, a small pile of chocolate chips that you’d “accidentally dropped” on the counter and were snacking on, cookies in the oven making the kitchen smell all warm and cosy. The echoes of your laughs and playful banter still lingered in the room. An Etta James album was playing in the background — Harry’s choice, of course. You were bending in front of the oven to check on the cookies.

“They’re looking good, H,” you said, gazing at them.

“Y/N,” he said from behind you.

“I think we’ve got a perfect batch on our hands.” You straightened up, reaching over to swipe a couple more chocolate chips from the shrinking pile. “Better than last time, those were all hard and —”

“Darling,” he said, a bit more firmly.

“Yeah?” You turned around, sucking on the chocolate, and froze.

There was Harry, on one knee on the kitchen floor, holding a little box and smiling gently up at you.

“Hi,” was all you managed to breathe out, once you regained the ability to move.

“Hello,” he said, smile growing. He cleared his throat. “I love you so much, you know?”

“Harry, you’ve got flour on your nose.”

“Do I?” He was grinning widely now, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth as he tried not to laugh. “I’ll fix that later, love, got something more important to do right now.”

“Okay.” Your voice was shaking slightly.

He chuckled, and then took a deep breath to steady himself. “Y/N. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You make my days better, every day. Most gorgeous, funniest, kindest, sweetest girl I ever met. You’re so fucking amazing — sorry, I shouldn’t swear. Probably ruins the moment.”

“It doesn’t,” you said quickly. You could feel tears threatening to prickle at your eyes. “Keep going.”

“Nothing’s going to stop me, angel,” he promised. He set his face, playing at being very somber. “I really need to ask you something.”

You bit your lip through a smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. ‘Cause every day I wake up and hug you and I think to myself that I never want to let go of you. Ever.”

You nodded, unable to speak for fear that you would just collapse from how unbelievably sweet he is.

“Y/N,” he said, finally. He took a deep breath and pulled open the lid of the little box, and there was your ring. His smile returned to his face again, bright and dimpled and so Harry you nearly starting sobbing right there. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes.” You were saying it before he even finished his sentence. “Yes, yes, yes, yes—” and you kept saying it until he was back on his feet and had swept you up in the tightest hug, pulling you into his chest and spinning both of you around.

You clutched at the front of his fuzzy sweater and pulled him into a kiss that made the world feel like it was shifting. Because it had. Everything had changed now. It felt like the two of you had taken the world and cracked it open like a walnut, finding a completely new kind of life inside. A kind of life where you both completely, irrevocably, belonged to each other.

When he pulled back from the kiss, he rubbed his flour-covered nose over yours, then pecked another kiss on your cheek. “Got flour all over you, love.”

“Best go take a shower, then,” you said to him, grinning.

He raised his eyebrows, that mischievous glint in his eye that you so adored appearing. “Yeah? Okay, whatever my beautiful fiancee wants.” He let you take his hand and start to pull him toward the bathroom, before he suddenly jerked you back, making you stumble into his chest. “Shit,” he murmured. “Give me your hand, darling.”

“Oh.” You held out your left hand, and gently he slid the ring onto your finger.

He looked up at you, eyes shining. “Can’t believe I nearly forgot the most important part.”

“Me too. Silly goose.”

He snorted, and you leaned forward to kiss him again. He held his hands to the small of your back, pulling you closer to him. He was warm, his embrace firm, his mouth gentle. Tasting him, the sweetness of the cookie dough he had been stealing out of the bowl, the vanilla of the lip balm he used — you could have lived in that kiss forever. Any kiss, really. You weren’t picky when it came to Harry. But he pulled back, and ran his hands down to the back of your thighs.

“Jump, darling,” he whispered, and he pulled you up to wrap your legs around his waist, your arms looped behind his neck. He pressed his lips to yours again, then carried you to the bathroom, your giggles echoing through the house.

He got on his knees for you again in the shower — “Wanna treat my fiancee like a proper gentleman” — with your leg thrown over his shoulder, your hand with the ring in his hair, your head thrown back against the tiled wall. He was always good (outstanding in the field, you would joke) but somehow today he was better. Like he was trying to tell you something just by the way he licked up your folds and sucked on your sensitive little bud until you were shaking and your hand tightened in his hair in a way that was surely painful. Like he was trying to show you just how much he loved you, as if everything else wasn’t already enough.

Later, you opened up the expensive bottle of champagne you’d been saving and split it over the takeout he had ordered over the phone in a rush while your hands were slowly creeping down his bare chest and playing with the waistband of the sweatpants he had thrown on after the shower. You ate outside. It was a pleasant night and as stars started to dust over the sky, you were sure they were shining just a little bit brighter.

And when you finally made it into bed, he was immediately over you, his arms snaking underneath you and hugging you to his chest while he thrust into you, deep and passionate. He had his head buried in your neck, his moans vibrating into your skin and you knew he was feeling more than just the physical. It was beyond that for both of you. Treasure this moment, you kept thinking. Keep this day safe forever.

You came together. As he got close, his steady rhythm starting to falter, he grabbed your left hand and pushed it down into the mattress, so you could feel the ring pressing into your skin. That was what sent the both of you over the edge.

Sleep came easily, your limbs still tangled together, your ring lying on the bedside table because you were scared to sleep with it. Harry must have fallen asleep after you — as you dozed off, you could hear the rustling of his pillow as he kept turning his head to look at the ring glinting in the full moon’s light coming through the window. His strong arm wrapped around you, holding you close, letting the rhythm of his heartbeat lull you to sleep.

“I’m so fucking happy,” he says now, in the morning, quietly, breaking the silence that had descended over you. He says it like it could be the last sentence he ever speaks. A neat epilogue.

You look at him, your arm still raised in the air between you. His eyes are trained on the diamond, and you could swear his eyes are sparkling just as much as the jewel is. He blinks, and glances back to you. “So, so fucking happy.”

“Me too,” you tell him. You let your hand drop, finding his and intertwining your fingers. “Love being engaged.” The word rolls off your tongue easily, and that was thrilling. You’re engaged. “’S better than I imagined. Better than anything else, ever.”

“Mm,” he hums, running his thumb over the ring, and then along the empty space of your finger just below it. “I think it just keeps getting better from here, love.”

. . . . .

hope you enjoyed!! i wrote this in barely two hours around midnight (obviously with at last by etta james playing in the background) because i just had to get this concept onto a page. it’s only been very lightly edited so if there were mistakes or it was structured messily ........ sorry. but i am just so in love with these very domestic, un-grandiose proposals because the important thing is the love between the two rather than the big displays... yeah. anyway hope you liked and if you want to send me a request or just chat, my askbox is very much open!!!

#harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #fiance harry #fic

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ptergwen · 3 years

Text

sensation

w/c: 4.6k

warnings: some swearing, suggestive tings, and a pretty bad ending

summary: it’s the last night of your world tour, and tom has the perfect way to celebrate

a/n: i know y’all have been waiting for this one! everyone really loved when worlds collide but i ran out of ideas for it lol sorry... anyways my solution was to turn it into a oneshot :D based off the au!! i’m honestly nervous about posting this cuz a lot of you asked for it and i don’t wanna disappoint but i tried my absolute hardest to make it special <3 please enjoy

“thank you so much! we love you!” you shout to the audience, laughing breathlessly when they shout back. one of your dancers pulls you into a side hug, you throwing your arm around his neck. “we’re so fucking lucky you chose us, that you came all the way here. i’ve seen some of you back at night one. wow.” your voice gets wobbly, thinking about how loyal your fans are.

the tour started in new york, and they’ve followed you here to london.

tonight is an emotional night for everyone. you’re about to wrap your last show before you continue again in the summer. touring the u.k. has been a dream, and you’re just as thrilled to travel the rest of the world after your break. it’s bittersweet because you’re going to miss the hell out of your crew and the millions of lovely faces you’ve sang to each week. but, you do get to spend your time off with a special someone.

he’s watching you from the sound booth, sending fond smiles and loud cheers your way. thanks to you, tom has been at every show you’ve played in england. he brought harry along this time because he’s also a fan and wanted to see you. well, tom is more than a fan at this point. you’d say he’s more of a boyfriend. you haven’t discussed labels just yet.

your dates have mainly been over facetime, since you live on opposite sides of the world with insane schedules. a heartthrob actor and international popstar is quite the combination. you’ve only seen each other in person a couple of times, the first being pretty recently.

zendaya brought tom along to hang out with you in los angeles. he happened to be there recording some lines for a movie. she saw your concert earlier that night and invited him to crash the dinner plans you’d made, resulting in the best surprise and most fun you’ve ever had. the other time you enjoyed each other’s company was one weekend in paris. that was... something.

besides those two miracles, everything between you and tom happens through a screen. you’ll down bottles of champagne or keep warm under blankets while talking about your days. it’s nice, having someone on the other end who listens and actually hears you. tom gets it. you both do.

finishing your tour in london is convenient because not only will you have tom to comfort you, but you get to stick around for a while. he’s invited you to stay at his place. you can’t wait to meet the other holland’s, his friends, and obviously tessa.

“fuck, i’m gonna cry. i’m already crying,” you announce to the crowd, though they can tell from the tears streaming down your face. more dancers huddle around you and turn your single hug into a group one. you’re laughing and sobbing and holding on tight to everyone. fans bawl their own eyes out, the fact that this is it starting to settle in. the onstage crew even gets choked up, seeing you like this.

tom pouts from where he’s watching. he wishes he could run up there and squeeze you tight, but he’ll have to save that for when you’re done.

“i love you all so much, literally every single one of you in this room,” you tell everyone for the nth time tonight, swiping a perfectly manicured finger under your eyes. “my lighting crew, sound crew, my band, my fearless fucking dancers-“ a hiccup cuts you off. people burst into fits of giggles, which is a much needed tension breaker. you adjust your headset so the mic doesn’t pick up any other bodily noises.

grinning, you rest your arm on a shorter dancer’s shoulder, then go on. “sorry, sorry. i just wanna say, like, three more thank you’s before i get out of here.” there’s a chorus of no’s and encouraging whistles at the mention of you leaving. you blink back more tears to delay the breakdown you’re going to have. “thank you to my friends who always show up for me.”

with a knowing smile, you glance over at tom. “and, thank you to my more than a friend.” he smiles back, both hands held over his heart. harry elbows him in congratulations. more screaming erupts from the crowd as they realize where you’re looking and who you’re looking at. this will be sure to spark some headlines. whatever, you’re used to trending on every possible social media platform by now.

“this is the big one,” you preface, taking in a breath while everyone quiets down again. “thank you to you guys. for trusting me, for caring about what i have to say in any way. i feel your love. i really do, and i hope you feel mine.” your fans yell that they love you back, dancers gently swaying you side to side, emotions on high. there’s one last song, and it’s over.

“this has been the sensation tour, and i’ve been your host. was i good?” you try to lighten the mood, earning a bunch of what sound like positive shrieks. the earpiece you have in makes it hard to tell. “y’all were even better.” exchanging looks with your dancers, you pull out of the hug so you can get to your mark for the finale. they follow your lead. music comes through the speakers.

“i’ll see you again soon, okay? i promise. here’s sensation,” you introduce the song, immediately bursting into more tears. it’s torture to say goodbye. thankfully, you have the most incredible fans on earth, so they sing along with you at the top of their lungs. that includes tom and harry, your ultimate stans.

when the show is over, you run right off stage and over to tom. he’s waiting on the side with actual heart eyes for you. you practically leap into his arms, a hand cradling the back of his head, both his arms draped low and tight around your body.

“you were so amazing up there! absolutely smashed it, darling,” tom breathes out. his face is smushed between your neck and mostly bare chest. “thanks, tom. seriously, thanks for being here tonight and every other.” you smile a tired smile and wind your other arm around his neck. he presses some light you’re welcome kisses to your skin. “mm, thanks for having me. how’s it feel to be done?”

you sigh, fingers running through his curls. “like the biggest relief, and also really sad.” you’re such a mess that you could cry again on the spot. tom senses it and lifts his head up to see if you’re alright. “super depressing,” you surprisingly reiterate without the waterworks. “i know the feeling. you’ll be back soon, though. you said it,” he murmurs, a grin on his lips as they brush against the corner of yours.

you’re about to kiss him properly, then one of your dancers comes up to you. you’d forgotten that there are still stage managers and security everywhere, too. you get completely lost in tom whenever you’re together.

“you killed, babe,” coco greets you, linking your arm in hers. tom takes the hint and lets go of you. he watches on with a smirk. “nah, you murdered,” you send the compliment back and bite your lower lip. “i dunno, i feel like someone murdered me!” there’s coco with her dramatics. she’s genuinely hilarious, your shared sense of humor playing a huge part in your friendship.

she brings your free hand to her heart. you gasp at how fast it’s going. “that shit is really beating, coco. are you, like, okay?” “probably not. it was the freestyle that got me.” coco went a lot harder than usual tonight, since it was her last big dance break for a while. she puffs air from her cheeks and nods to tom. “this your man?”

“yeah, you could say that. i’m tom,” he answers, holding out a hand for her. “coco.” she pulls it like you would in a handshake. you beam at them, one of your best friends and unofficial boyfriend finally meeting. “sounds promising. i approve,” coco mutters to you. bumping your hip into hers playfully, you take one of tom’s hands in both of yours.

“aw, we have your blessing or something? your permission?” you coo and get a push at your shoulder from coco in return. tom chuckles, his thumb running over the back of your hand. “no! i was gonna say you should bring him out back,” coco clarifies, like it was obvious. you’re not sure what she’s on about. “uh, what’s out back?” you question. “an axe?” tom teases.

coco gestures to the nearest exit. “we’re having a little goodbye party in the parking lot. fire pit, snacks. remember?” nope, you’d completely forgotten. the idea first sounded like the perfect way to end your night, so you agreed to go. that was before you were dripping sweat and mentally exhausted. now, all you want to do is unwind with tom and tom only.

the superstar life is one you’re happy to lead, just not at this exact moment.

“i do now.” you muster up your most apologetic smile for coco, tugging on tom’s hand. “i’m sorry, co. i think we’re gonna pass.” her jaw drops. you’re never one to skip these things. “aw, for real? it’s our last night!” tom threads his fingers through yours while you talk. “bro, we’ve been together for almost a whole year,” you laugh out, nuzzling your cheek into tom’s chest. “get sick of me.”

“never,” coco deadpans. she catches you gazing up at tom, relaxing as his arms hug your middle. she’s known you long enough to tell what’s a fling and what’s real love for you. this is something special, and she can’t get in the way of it. she’ll let you navigate this yourself. “ok, just for tonight. you’ll text me?” coco gives you a real smile, raising an eyebrow at tom. he gathers that’s a good thing. he’s in.

“mhm. maybe we can hang out tomorrow,” you agree and let your eyes flutter shut. all that’s keeping you up are tom’s strong arms. “tell everyone i love them.” “i think they know.” coco shakes her head lightheartedly. tom laughs at her. “be good,” she tells him and means it, rubbing your back on her way to the lot. that leaves you and tom alone at last.

custodians are cleaning up the arena, fans are piling out, and you’re clinging to tom while his steady heartbeat grounds you. this is the only after party you need.

“harry’s got the car when you’re ready,” tom mumbles, tucking a piece of damp hair behind your ear. you loop your arms around his torso with a hum. “i was kinda wondering where he went.” “yeah?” he gives you a small smile. “gotta ask what he thought... of the show.” yawns are creeping past your lips, tonight’s events catching up to you.

“i like feedback from the fans, or stans,” you elaborate in your sleepy state. tom uses his fingertips to tap your temple. “what about me? i’m your biggest.” “i’ll, um, follow up with you later.” your words are slurring. “right now, home.” warmth spreads throughout tom’s entire body, his house becoming yours for a bit. “your chariot awaits,” he affirms before helping you to your dressing room.

after collecting your things, you follow tom out to the car. harry is in the driver’s seat, and you two slip into the back. he exchanges a look with his brother through the mirror while you settle on his shoulder. you’re hugging his bicep, his lips pressing to the side of your head.

“thank you for driving,” you speak softly to harry. he starts to pull out of the spot with a nod. “no problem. get to say i was y/n y/l/n’s chauffeur.” tom clicks his tongue even though harry is joking. you snicker at his remark, joking back. “you want the job? better be a five star ride, then.” your banter brings yet another smile to tom’s face. his family is everything to him, so seeing you get along so well means the most.

“right, right. did you have a good time?” harry wonders, twisting to see behind him while he turns around. he also peeks at you snuggled up to tom before facing forward. “great, actually. did you?” you check, the grin clear in your voice. harry goes into full stan mode. “no shit! you were brilliant, y/n. god, every note was just like how you did it the studio.” he’s raving, which is much appreciated by you.

“good answer.” tom shoots his brother a wink. “‘s that what you wanted to hear?” he asks in reference to your conversation earlier. your response is a kiss to his shoulder. “yay. i’m happy you liked it, harry.” he buzzes with excitement, having his favorite artist care what he thinks.

not much is said for the rest of the drive. tom and harry make some hushed conversation about golfing this weekend while you struggle to stay awake. they’re obsessed with that damn sport. it’s honestly nice to see, that tom has something he likes to do when he isn’t shooting hollywood’s biggest movies. your free time will finally give you the chance to discover other hobbies.

you stumble out of the car upon arriving to the boys’ place, a backpack on your shoulders and tom’s hand held tight in yours. you’ve got only a few essentials with you for tonight. the rest is on the tour bus, so you’ll gather it after your hangout with coco. besides, everything you need at the moment is right here.

“home sweet home,” tom announces as harry unlocks the front door. his words bring a tired smile to your face. “finally,” you exhale, keeping your fingers laced with tom’s and following the two of them inside. “i could show you around a bit, give you the grand tour. or-“ tom stops talking, feeling your weight on him. harry huffs at how oblivious his brother is.

“mate, she’s falling over. save it,” he suggests and kicks the door shut lazily. you’re done in. you’ve been having to lean on tom since the show ended. “another time, then,” tom mumbles, securing his arm around your waist. “there is one thing i wanna see.” your voice is low, body curled into tom’s side. he raises an eyebrow. “and that is?” “your room.”

tom takes that in a suggestive way, like he does most things. “we’re getting right to it, are we?” he questions, harry gagging and you nudging his arm with your head. “not like that, dummy. ‘cuz i’m sleepy.” there’s a beat of silence. “ask me again in-“ “wow, look at the time!” harry interrupts so he doesn’t have to hear the details. he’s sure he’ll witness enough after it happens. “off to bed i go! goodnight.”

he rushes to get to his room, yelling out, “great show, y/n!” on the way. “thank you! night!” you call back, tom letting out a sigh. “div of the century,” he says under his breath. “must run in the family,” you playfully retort. that gets you a firm poke at your side. “where’s everyone else?” you glance up at him. there should be two other idiots and a lovely, furry lady running around.

“tuwaine’s gone to the pub, harrison’s filming late, and tess is at mum and dad’s,” tom fills you in, grabbing your arm and draping it around his middle. doing him one better, you hug him with both. you squint in confusion about the last part. “they watch her when i’m out,” tom answers your unspoken question. “ah,” you nod, then deflate ever so slightly. “i wanted to meet her, though. the other boys, too.”

tom smooths the pad of his thumb over your cheek. “you will, darling. it’s only for tonight.” he kisses the same spot reassuringly. “we’ve got loads of time.” “yeah, we do,” you agree, instantly cheering up and letting your head fall onto his chest. “now, where’s your room?” “just upstairs. you need some help getting in?” he’s only playing around, but you accept, tightening your arms around his neck.

“show me the way,” you beam at him. “happy to.” tom wiggles his eyebrows, you jumping up. your legs wrap around his waist, his arms holding you against him. with a satisfied hum, you squish your face into his insanely soft shirt. “what a diva,” tom sarcastically complains while taking you to the staircase. “doesn’t even say please. no manners from this one.”

“you try dancing in six inch heels for two hours,” you shoot back, patting the side of his neck. he moves one hand down to your thigh for a better grip. you’re nearing the top of the stairs. “think i’ll leave that to you,” he decides and squeezes your thigh. “look at me, carrying the whole music industry.” your face easily gets hot and your words turn to murmurs. “shut up. you should listen to other songs.”

you’re on the second floor now, tom going for the first door. he frowns at his rejected compliment. “no, i like yours. they’re my favorite.” “really?” your muffled laugh sounds from his chest. “what was the first thing i ever said to you?” he asks, a toothy grin on him even though you can’t see it. you recall the faithful night he slid into your dms while he carries you into his room.

he’d tripped over his words somehow, the fangirling fool. before that, he tweeted to the whole world that he wanted to see you in concert. it was a huge thing, and people were freaking out about it, even more so when your online interactions became routine. that’s nothing compared to where you are now.

you’re currently living with him and basically dating. possibly, in love. the base of it all really is your music.

“that you love me.” you pause for the ellipses. the corners of your lips turn up. “but, you really meant to say my work.” “both apply.” tom passes that off like it’s a side comment, carefully laying you down on his bed. you look up at him with a curious glint in your eyes. “what does that mean?” his cheeks flush, and he bites back the smile that’s growing. this was supposed to go... differently.

you sit up, breathing out a laugh at tom’s boyish behavior. he’s precious, truly. “you do love me?” those three words will change everything if he says yes. he takes both your hands in his and holds them between you two. you meet his doe eyes. “yeah, y/n/n. i do.” so, you were right. “i love you... and, that wasn’t how i planned on saying it.” signaling for him to elaborate, you tilt your head to the side.

tom sits down next to and faces you before continuing. “it was supposed to be romantic, right?” he rolls his eyes up to the ceiling, annoyed he ruined this. “candlelit dinner, flowers, that sort of thing. seems more fitting for the occasion.” you shift closer to him until your knees are touching. your face is lit up, voice dropped to almost a whisper.

“since when do we do things the way we’re supposed to?” you point out and set your hands on his shoulders. “we’ve gone straight from online dating to me moving in. that’s usually not how it works.” tom chuckles lowly. his own hands find their place on your hips. you’re so good with words. then again, you are a singer. “guess you could say we’re, um, spontaneous,” he agrees, fingers drawing circles on you.

you and tom have explored some of each other’s most intimate places, yet you’ve never shared a moment quite like this. it’s like meeting him for the first time again. he’s too tongue tied to spit out what he wants. you somehow know, anyway. what you cherish most about your relationship is that you two completely and totally understand one another, on every level.

“tom?” you speak quietly, butterflies filling up your body. “hm?” he hums back. this is one of those moments where it all just clicks. “i love you. i really, really love you.” you giggle out of the pure happiness that consumes you, tom joining in your laughter. “i love you, too.” he sounds like he’s said it a million times and he’ll say it a million more. he leans over so his forehead rests on yours. “really, really love you.”

your warm breath hits his face, eyes darting from his own to his lips. “i want you to be more than...” you trail off, unsure of how to phrase it. “more than... more than a friend?” tom pokes fun at what you said during the show. there’s less and less space between you with every second. “you mean, like, a boyfriend?”

“exactly. be my boyfriend,” you all but demand. you’re half asleep and desperate to be able to call him yours already. “bossy, bossy, bossy,” tom chastises, swiping his thumb across your bottom lip. how he goes from being shy and giddy to the cockiest person alive in minutes, you’ll never know. “please?” you throw in to sway him. your hand locks with his, slowly moving it off your face.

you run your tongue over your teeth. “at least kiss me.” “you don’t have to ask,” tom breathes, lips now ghosting over yours. “i was going to.” true to his words, he closes the microscopic gap between you, you pushing forward against him as you kiss back. your first kiss in love. his lips taste like the chapstick he always uses, and he moves them softly.

he places a hand on your knee, you opening your mouth so he can have access to it. instead, a yawn exits. tom pulls back with a breathy laugh. “you must be exhausted, yeah? let’s get you to bed.” he pecks your lips once more. “my girl needs her beauty rest.” that confirms your relationship. you scrunch your nose and grin wide. “and, she’s gonna get some with her boy.”

you’re reminded of how sweaty you are when you catch a whiff. “oof, wait. do you think i can take a shower first?” you grimace, fanning at the air for emphasis. tom uses the tip of his nose to nudge yours. ��absolutely. need help in there, too?” he’s not asking in that way, only so nothing happens. the hospital wouldn’t be the most pleasant place to spend your break. plus, he doesn’t want to be without you too long.

“you know what? yeah.”

that’s how you end up intertwined under the hot water, letting it cascade down your back as tom hugs you close to him. you sigh in content and tangle your fingers in his fluffed over curls. you’ve learned that he’s super into having his hair played with. it’s endearing, how he instinctively leans into your touch, eyes closing as you tug on the roots.

he drops his head down to kiss your shoulder, dragging his lips to your collarbone in a way that tickles. they land on one of your breasts next. there isn’t anything sexual about it, only loving. just in case he gets too excited because it’s not uncommon he does, you gently put a finger to his lips. tom takes the hint and lets up. you continue combing through his wet hair while you step out of the water.

“do you ever sing in the shower?” he questions, drawing your naked body in closer to his. “sometimes, yeah. i honestly feel like i sound better there,” you admit and slide your hand down to the nape of his neck. tom’s tongue darts out to lick his lips. “not true. you sound beautiful everywhere, and don’t fight me on this one.” he smirks in satisfaction, you groaning at your loss.

“i really enjoy hearing your voice when it blares through an arena, though,” tom keeps buttering you up. you shake your head and settle both arms around his neck. “man, i just love you so much.” “i love you, sweetheart,” he murmurs back, you switching places so he can give his hair a final rinse. you watch him and his glowing body, admiring the sight.

“what a sensation you are,” you say mostly to yourself, which doesn’t stop him from hearing. “i see what you did there.” he eyes you while you do the same to him. your arms still around his neck pull him back to you. “tommy? do you sing in the shower?” you meant to ask him before, then he started throwing all those compliments at you.

tom scoffs, walking you back so you’re against the wall. “i don’t sing anywhere.” “what?” you gasp and put a hand on his chest. “you’re lying, you have to be. wasn’t billy elliot a musical?” he narrows his eyes at you as he tries to gage where you’re going with this. “that i did a decade ago, and way before puberty. couldn’t sing a word without cracking after that.”

your mouth is left hanging open in shock and disappointment. you bet he has a nice voice, and he’s downplaying it. “y/n,” tom begins, cupping your jaw with his palm. “since we’re living together now, there’s a lot you’re going the learn about me. good things, weird things.” he shrugs casually. “this is one of the weird things.”

“only because you make it weird! come on, let me hear you,” you request and wrap a leg around his waist. you’re giving him a hopeful smile. “god, no. you’ll hate it,” he almost laughs, a hand on your thigh. “i’m literally a singer. how could i hate something i love?” you refute, batting your lashes at him. “especially when someone i love is doing it.” “i love you, too. but, i’m not.” he’s quick to shut you down.

“drop a bar!” you try to coax him, which he already has a comeback for. “you first.” “i can’t. my throat is all scratchy from earlier,” you lie. tom presses his lips into a line, feigning pity. “aw, you know what’ll make you feel better? tea. i’ll go get you some.” he turns to shut the water off, so you grab his shoulders. “no, the steam is working. you can stay.”

“love,” tom addresses you in a warning tone that you can’t take seriously. he can’t either, a giggle escaping him. “my voice is shit. ask anyone, and they’ll tell you.” “i won’t believe them,” you hum, pushing back curls sticking to his forehead. “sounds like you just have stage fright. we can work on that, though.” “how?” he tightens his arm around your middle.

“i’ll bring you on for my next show. we’ll do a little duet.” you’re joking, though that would definitely be interesting to see unfold. “uh, never. what happened to you being tired?” tom cleverly deflects and digs his fingers into your side. you look down in defeat. “i forgot about that.” “yeah, yeah. no, seriously. we should really get to sleep, y/n/n.” he’s back to his sweet, attentive self. “‘s been a long night.”

giving in with a nod, you capture his lips in yet another kiss. tom never gets tired of them, and neither do you. you break it after a few seconds, lips lingering on his as they detach. “carry me?” you ask again, not caring how whiny you sound. tom presses a quick kiss to your forehead. “oh, you’re adorable. of course.”

well, you’ve found something to keep you occupied until the next leg of tour. you’re going to discover the many layers your intriguingly unusual boyfriend has.

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland au #tom holland smut #tom holland imagine #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x singer!reader #tom holland request #peter parker #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker x reader

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sequinsmile-x · 3 years

Text

Exhaustion

Part of the Full House series

Words: 3.4k

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy and non-graphic descriptions of a traumatic birth

Read on A03 or under the cut

Let me know what you think!

There was something wrong with her. That was the only thought that was circling around her brain on repeat. Emily was exhausted. Bone deep exhaustion that she had never experienced before, not during all her years working at the BAU, or those early days with Ian Doyle when she thought she would be caught out any second. Even when she’d had Ivy, those endless early days of motherhood with her first ever baby, she hadn’t felt like this.

Aaon kept telling her it was normal, that a new baby combined with just how traumatic Audrey’s birth had been would make her recovery drawn out. That on top of that Ivy, who had always typically been a Daddy’s Girl, was suddenly obsessed with Emily, the jealousy of having a new sibling who took so much of her mother’s attention making her cling to her. Tears and tantrums ran high whenever Emily was out of her sight, all but glued to her side at every waking hour.

She knew he was right. She had been there too when the doctor explained that it would take her weeks, potentially months, to completely recover from the birth. It had only been three weeks, still so recent that she sometimes caught Aaron looking at her like she might disappear, like he might lose her.

Emily knows he almost did.

Knowing all of that didn’t help. It didn’t stop the feeling of shame that would crawl up her spine at the frustration she would feel at never having a second alone, despite her own hesitance to ever let the girls or Jack out of her sight. She knew her own anxieties were born out of having her baby ripped off her chest only seconds after she had been placed there, things getting hazier by the second.

She felt over touched. Every nerve on edge whenever tiny hands reached out for her skin. And she was so angry at herself for it.

There was something wrong with her,

Aaron had been hesitant to go back to work, his understanding of how she felt despite her never putting it into words as clear as ever. Emily had encouraged him, knowing that they would have to go back to normal as soon as they could. When he immediately got sent away on a case, one he was now finally on the way back home from a week later, she almost regretted it.

It had been a long week. Audrey had barely been sleeping and was cluster feeding throughout the night, and Ivy wanted to be with her at every possible second. Jack was a saint, helping Emily where he could in distracting Ivy and playing with his sister. He’d even brought Emily a cup of tea at one point a couple days ago when she must have looked particularly drained. He hadn’t done it since, spooked by the way she had almost immediately burst into tears despite her assurances that it was a lovely thing to do.

Jessica had popped round the day before, sympathy on her face and a casserole in hand. Emily knew that Aaron had asked her to check in, and she was grateful for it. Jack was with Jessica today, the boy excited to spend an evening with his aunt. She had offered to take Ivy too, but the way the little girl had gripped Emily’s shirt at the suggestion had made her decline, knowing ultimately it would be worse for everyone if she had accepted.

“Mama.”

Emily turns to look at Ivy. The toddler was sitting next to her on the couch as Audrey slept in the bouncer chair just to the left of them. It was the only place she could get the baby to drift off for any period of time during the day.

“Yes, sweetheart?” She smiles at her daughter, discreetly checking the clock on the wall behind her. Aaron would be home soon, and she was almost more excited to have someone, anyone, else here with the girls than she was to see him.

“Snowman?”

Emily has to stop herself from sighing. Frozen was Ivy’s favourite movie and she had already lost track of how many times she had watched it in the last week.

“Are you sure? We could watch something else.” Emily tries to reason, her usual rule of limiting screen time very much out of the window. She knows it was fruitless when Ivy furrows her brow at her in a way Aaron always insisted was all her.

Ivy shakes her head, her dark brown and unruly curls moving as she did. “Snowman.”

“Ok. Snowman.” She grabs the remote and turns on the tv, not even remembering the last time they had a different DVD in the player.

They get part way through, Emily plotting the death of Olaf in her head as she watches, before Audrey starts to gristle. Emily reaches down to get her, wincing at the sudden movement, still healing from giving birth, as she unbuckles her and pulls her into her arms.

“You’re ok, baby.” She whispers, kissing the top of Audreys head, her dark hair matching her sisters. The newborn almost immediately starts rooting at Emily’s chest and she adjusts her shirt so she can start to feed her.

As soon as Audrey is in her arms Ivy is up against her, standing on the couch as she tries to get as close to Emily as possible.

“Ivy, Mommy just needs a bit of room ok?” She smiles at her eldest daughter, trying to maintain the gentle approach she had always taken with her. “I can cuddle you after I’ve fed her.”

“No.” Ivy says, leaning into her side. “My Mama.”

She has to stop herself from flinching as Ivy’s little hand tangles in her hair.

There was something wrong with her. _______________________

He doesn’t think he has ever been so excited to get home. He had spoken to Emily as often as possible, quick phone calls and texts exchanged to check in on his family. The moment Penelope had told him that they had a case on his first day back after Audrey’s birth his heart had dropped to his stomach.

Emily was more than capable of looking after the kids alone, he knew that, but he was worried about her. He had been worried about her since the second he was left alone in a room holding his minutes old little girl as his wife was rushed away, an emergency taking over what should have been a joyous moment. He could tell something was off, that some part of her was doubting her abilities, but she wouldn’t talk about it, smiling wryly at him whenever he told her how fantastic a mother she was.

As Aaron walks into the living room he sees his wife sitting on the couch. Their three week old in her arms as she feeds her, their 3 year old standing on the couch cushion pressed up against Emily’s side, her tiny hand wrapped in her mother’s hair as she watches her baby sister eat.

Frozen, Ivy’s favourite movie, is playing on the TV, and Aaron winces as the song about summer floats around the room, making him briefly wonder to himself if the murder of a animated snowman would be considered justifable homicide, given that their toddler demanded they watch it on repeat.

Then Emily looks up and catches his eye, exhaustion rolling off of her in waves, and he pushes any other thoughts to the back of his head.

“Hi sweetheart.”

Her response is a trembling smile, and before she can speak Ivy turns, a wide smile on her face as she looks at him.

“Daddy!”

She doesn’t run to him like she would have only weeks ago, instead staying next to Emily. He scoops her up anyway, kissing the side of his daughter's head repeatedly as she giggles.

“Daddy, stop.”

He does, laughing as he leans down to kiss the top of Emily’s head. He frowns as she flinches, readjusting Audrey as she finishes eating.

“How are my girls?” He asks, settling Ivy on his hip. “I missed you.”

“Missed, Daddy.” Ivy says, eyes focused back on the tv.

‘Oh, Frozen. Mommy’s favourite.” Aaron says, any laugh from his own joke dying in his throat when he sees the very real glare Emily throws his way as she stands with Audrey against her chest, gently rubbing the little girl's back to burp her.

“I’m going to go change her.” She says, attempting to throw him a smile before she heads upstairs.

“Mommy seems grumpy.” Aaron says turning to Ivy, bouncing the little girl slightly to make her laugh, the concern on her own face too much for him to bear.

“Drey cry lots.” Ivy explains, her expression serious.

Aaron nods and kisses his daughter's forehead, settling her back down on the couch. “You stay here ok? I’ll be back in a minute.”

He heads upstairs, following the sound of his wife’s gentle words to their baby to their bedroom.

“Em?”

She turns to look at him briefly, tears shining in her eyes that set him on edge immediately, before she looks back at Audrey in her arms, the baby settling down. Emily flinches when he touches her shoulder, pulling herself away from him and the movement makes Audrey cry again, any progress Emily had made her to calm down gone in a second.

“Damn it.”

“Sweetheart?”

“I’m ok.” She says, sounding anything but. “I just need five minutes where someone isn’t touching me.” Emily says, desperation laced through her voice. He stops himself from walking towards her, from pulling her into his arms and providing the comfort he is itching to give her. “I’m either feeding Audrey, or Ivy is clinging to me like she’ll never see me again. I love them more than I can possibly explain but...” A sob escapes her and she wipes her cheeks. “I am so tired, Aaron. I just need five minutes.”

For a second Aaron isn’t sure what to do. His fingers twitch at his sides, his natural instinct to reach out for her almost overwhelming. Emily and Audrey both crying the only sound in the room.

“Pass her over.” He says eventually, hands reaching out towards her.

“Aaron-”

He smiles at her in an attempt to reassure her. “Come on, sweetheart. You need a break.”

“I can look after my own children.” She says, accusation in her voice.

“I know you can, love.” He steps towards her, careful not to reach out for her like he so desperately wanted to. “But you need some time to yourself, you need to get some rest.”

She nods, albeit reluctantly, passing the baby over as she does, kissing the top of her head as she lets go.

“You only just got home.” She says, wiping tears from her face now that her hands were free. “I didn’t even say hi.”

Aaron holds Audrey to his chest, smiling at his wife. “That’s ok. We’ll be downstairs.” He walks out the room, gently closing the door behind him. He looks at his youngest curled up on his chest and kisses the side of her head. “Let's go see what your sister is up to.” _______________________

When Ivy suggests putting Frozen back on almost as soon as it is finished he manages to distract her. He asks her what they could do instead with only a limited amount of time left before bedtime. Her eyes light up immediately, running off to the room that used to be their den but was now a playroom. The sound of her dragging her dress up box, almost entirely stocked by Penelope, into the living room wakes up Audrey. He picks her up from her bouncer before she can cry loudly enough to disturb Emily, hoping he could give her as much time as possible.

Ivy already has her Elsa wig on, and Aaron already knows where this is going when she pulls out the Anna wig.

“Daddy Anna.”

“I think my head is a bit big.”

Ivy, not put off by her father’s logic, places the wig on top of his head anyway before grabbing some reindeer antlers he had never seen before from the box. She goes to place them on Audrey’s head. He stops her, unable to suppress a smile when she frowns. Emily’s frown.

“Sweetie, no. Audrey can’t be Sven.”

“Drey play.”

“She’s too little.” He says, putting the antlers back down. “But we can play. Just you and me.”

She has Emily’s smile too. _________________

Emily wakes up, rubbing her eyes as she looks at the clock on the nightstand, seeing she’d had about an hour's sleep. That, combined with the time to herself and the quick shower she had managed to fit in had calmed her nerves somewhat. Nowhere near all the way repaired, but enough to settle her back down.

As she sits up in bed she feels an all too familiar ache in her breasts, a sign that Audrey would need feeding again soon, and she runs her hands over her face before she gets up in search of her family.

She can hear laughter floating up the stairs, her husbands mixed in with Ivy’s, her precious giggle warming Emily’s heart as much as it did the very first time she heard it. She pads down the stairs quietly, the socks she had stolen from Aaron dulling the sound of her footsteps. Love blooms in her chest, spreading through her body at the sight that greets her.

Aaron is sitting with a childs wig on his head, one she knows Penelope bought Ivy when she offhandedly mentioned one day how much her daughter loved Frozen. It looks absurd. Tiny in comparison to his size. His sleeves are rolled up and his tie is off, the top couple of buttons of his shirt undone and she can see his jacket folded over the armchair.

She observes him for a moment as he sits patiently listening to Ivy mostly babble to herself, interest in whatever she was saying all over his face. He had Audrey against his chest, the baby looking impossibly tiny up against him, only one hand securing her to him. He was a little thicker now than he was when they first got together, something Derek gently teased him for and called his ‘dad bod’.

Emily loved it and told him frequently. She loved that his embrace engulfed her. That it made her feel safe and secure whenever she was in his arms. She knows he does the same for their children. Has watched as he has soothed nightmares and scraped knees with the calming presence only their family are truly privy to.

She smiles as Ivy passes him a stuffed animal, a dog that she was obsessed with, that had reindeer antlers secured to its head. It’s almost bigger than Audrey, and as Emily watches him with a baby and a stuffed dog in his arms, their toddler excitedly talking at him, she doesn’t think she has ever loved him more. _______________________

They settle Ivy into her bed, both knowing she will likely make it into theirs at some point in the night, and eat dinner together.

Aaron has a quick shower as Emily feeds and rocks Audrey to sleep. She had just laid her into the bassinet on her side of the bed when the door to their ensuite opened, her husband making his way out already dressed in his pajamas. Emily yawns as she climbs into bed, him quickly following. He keeps his distance from her, space between them that they don’t usually allow and she smiles tiredly at him, her words from earlier clearly still on his mind.

“Are you ok, sweetheart?” He asks, his concern for her clear.

“I’m ok, I promise.” She reaches out for his hand, linking their fingers between them. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

He squeezes her hand. “Em, you have nothing to apologise for.”

“I just…” She trails off, shaking her head at herself as tears fill her eyes. “I just don’t want you to think I don’t love them. That I don’t want this.”

“Baby, of course I don’t think that.” He says, his other hand cupping her cheek, thumbing away the tears that have escaped. “I know you love them. I’ve never doubted that for a single second.”

“I’m just so tired, Aaron.”

He finally pulls her into his arms, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding when she relaxes into his embrace, her face tucked into his neck.

“You’re being hard on yourself, my love.” He kisses the side of her head. “You had a baby 3 weeks ago. You almost died having her, remember?”

“I know.” She says, sniffing. “I know that. I was there.”

“Then give yourself a break.” He pulls back to tuck some hair behind her ear. He wants to say so much more, to assure her how good a mother she is, how much all of their kids love her, but he knows now isn’t the time. Knows her well enough to know she will assume he is simply just saying it. “We should get some sleep.” He kisses her softly. “She’ll be awake soon enough demanding your attention.” He says, tilting his head towards the bassinet.

They settle down, her facing the bassinet with her back to him. Aaron wraps his arm around her, pulling her closer so her back is pressed against his chest.

“You make a good Anna.” She quips as the image of him earlier with Ivy making her smile and it makes him laugh.

“Ivy gets more and more like you every day.” He says, pressing his lips to her temple. “I just hope she uses her attitude to run a company or something, and not a gang in prison.”

Emily reaches behind her to smack his shoulder in mock offence. “That’s rude.” She sniffs. “She’d run an excellent gang.”

She can feel herself falling asleep, the ever present exhaustion taking over.

“Em?”

She hums her response, turning her head just enough for his lips to land on her cheek.

“If you could kill Olaf how would you do it?”

She laughs. “I love you so much.”

The last thing she hears before she drifts off is him how much he loves her, how much he loves their family. _______________________

When she wakes the bed is empty, as is the bassinet and she immediately panics, fear lancing through her as she sits up quickly. She shakes off the lightheadedness caused by her sudden movement and takes a deep breath, logic taking over as she calms herself.

Emily pulls a robe on and walks downstairs, the light from the living room illuminating the hallway. She smiles when she sees Aaron sitting and holding Audrey in the crook of his arm, a bottle she had pumped earlier in the day in his hand as he fed her.

“Did I not get an invite to this party?” She asks quietly, not wanting to wake up Ivy upstairs.

Aaron turns to her and grins before looking back down at the baby. “Is Mommy allowed to join us?”

Audrey makes a small noise that makes them laugh and Emily walks over to join them on the couch.

“You could have woken me up.” She says, leaning forward to stroke a finger over Audrey’s dark hair.

“I know.” He leans forward to kiss her head. “You needed the sleep.” She opens her mouth to say something but is interrupted by a door opening upstairs, and the sound of little feet down the hallway and stairs.

Emily groans slightly. “It’s like she has a radar for where I am.”

Aaron only has time to laugh in reply for Ivy is downstairs, climbing onto the couch with them and into Emily’s lap.

“What are you doing up, little miss?” Emily says, tapping the toddler on the nose, making her giggle. “You should be sleeping.”

“Snowman?”

Emily shakes her head. “No, Ivy. It’s too late to watch it now.” She pauses, and bites her lip as she suppresses a smirk. “Daddy said he’d watch it with you tomorrow though.”

The look Aaron throws at her over their daughter's head makes her laugh, and for the first time in over a week, probably since Audrey was born if she was honest with herself, she knows everything is going to be just fine.

#hotchniss #hotchniss fan fic #hotchniss fanfiction #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #Girl Dad Aaron #family fluff #CM Fanfic #pregnancy #birth #momily #Aaron being a great husband #i spent my day writing this #and watching Silent Witness with my cat #No regrets

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years

Text

𝐌𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐚! 𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳: 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐂𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, encouraging, justifying, nor promoting mafia behavior or lifestyle. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

「𝐾𝑖𝑚 𝐻𝑜𝑛𝑔𝑗𝑜𝑜𝑛𝑔」

You groaned as the doorbell rang incessantly. You weren't in the mood or spirits to talk to anyone. Getting up, you thought it'd be best to just tell whoever it was to leave you alone. But you couldn't do that when you saw who it was at the door.

"Hongjoong...?" You asked in disbelief.

"Hey Y/N..." He replied, nervously, tugging at the sleeves of his oversized sweater.

You certainly weren't expecting to see him there, at your house, especially not after your guys' breakup 1 week ago. It still hurt you and not wanting to cry in front of him, you began to close the door.

"Wait! Don't Y/N! I need to talk to you!" Hongjoong exclaimed as his hands tried to keep you from locking him out.

"Well I don't! I don't want to talk to or even see you Kim Hongjoong!"

Your efforts weren't enough as he pushed himself inside your house.

"Get out Hongjoong!" You demanded, though the tremor in your voice probably didn't sound too convincing.

"Not until you hear what I have to say." Hongjoong begged.

"I think I heard what I needed to hear last time, I don't need you to repeat yourself Hongjoong. I don't need you!" You shouted as tears finally poured down your face.

Hongjoong immediately pulled you close to hug you, but you kept trying to shove him off.

"No! Don't touch me! I don't want to see you! I don't need you in my life! And I don't need you repeating that this relationship would get nowhere! I don't need someone who isn't going to commit or take things seriously after so many years and expect me to be fine with it! I don't deserve that!" You cried.

"You're right Y/N. You're absolutely right. You don't deserve that, you deserve that at all. You deserve someone whose going to take care of you, protect you at all costs and love them indefinitely....."

Hongjoong sighed.

"And I was a fucking idiot for not stepping up to do that sooner for you..."

Your hands covered your mouth in shock as he got down on one knee and pulled out a velvet red box from his pants.

"This isn't at all how I wanted to ask you this....but I was desperate and I wanted you back in my life........not as my girlfriend..."

He looked up at you with adoring eyes.

"But as my wife..."

He opened the box to reveal a huge diamond ring with a rose gold band.

"So L/N Y/N.....would you marry me?"

「𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑘 𝑆𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑔ℎ𝑤𝑎」

You felt utterly humiliated and self conscious. You knew for a long time that Seonghwa's parents never liked you, but now they seemed determined to get rid of you.

Your face fell the moment a pretty looking girl came up and greeted Seonghwa, and she obviously had a big effect on him, given how he straightened up when he saw her. You tilted your head trying to think who was she, when the question was answered by none other than Seonghwa's mom:

"That's my son's former fiancee." She said behind you, the malice in her voice more than visibly to you.

Your heart dropped at her words, getting worried and anxious the more they interacted together.

"Such a beautiful, elegant, refined and classy lady......all the things you'll never be." She sneered at you before walking away.

You bit your tongue, trying to contain the rage inside of you, refusing to sink to the witch's level and retaliate in any way. You simply swallowed the lump in your throat and decided to walk out of the house, and out of Seonghwa's life if you needed to.

Unbeknownst to you, Seonghwa had actually heard everything and was less than pleased when his mom came over to him and his ex. Before she could even say anything, he bursted out:

"Let that be the last time I hear you disrespect my girlfriend that way mother. I think I've put up a enough of your bullshit, but this..."

He didn't hesitate to gesture to the incredulous looking girl next to him.

"This is the last straw."

Seonghwa began walking away, refusing to stay there any longer. He'd much rather go look for you, he knew you were probably feeling bad at this moment and needed him.

"Park Seonghwa! You walk out that door and choose that low life, we will disown you and never see you again!"

Seonghwa stopped at his mother's threat. Chuckling, he turned around.

"You know mom......I can live without a lot of things....

But Y/N isn't one of them. "

「𝐽𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑌𝑢𝑛ℎ𝑜」

Yunho ran out of his car, not caring to actually turn it off. He bursted through the front door.

"Y/N?! Y/N?!"

He frantically called out for you and panicked when he didn't hear a response from you. He began running through every part of his house, looking in every room and corner, searching for any sign of you. He couldn't even find any sign that you had come home.

"No no no!" He exclaimed in fear and frustration.

He quickly took out his phone and called Hongjoong.

"What's up-?"

"I think they took Y/N!" Yunho immediately said.

"Yunho...are you sure?" Hongjoong asked from the other line.

"I'm sure of it! She's not home and I don't think she made it here! Hongjoong what if the threats they sent me came true?! What if they took her away from me?" Yunho couldn't contain his feelings anymore as he began sobbing, falling to the floor in defeat.

Hongjoong stayed silent on the other line, letting Yunho compose himself before asking:

"Yunho is Y/N really that important to you?"

"Yes! She's the most important person in my life! You don't understand Hongjoong!!...."

Yunho sniffled loudly before confessing:

"I love her and I can't live without her..."

Yunho broke down once again, internally kicking himself for not taking better care of you, for not putting up better security to ensure your safety. He felt like dying until he heard a warm and familiar voice say from his phone:

"I love you too Yunho."

Yunho nearly ended the call when he dropped the phone at the sound of your voice.

"Baby?" He asked.

"I'm sorry for not telling you earlier Yunho. I asked her to come over because I wanted her to know what's been going on with our rival gang." Hongjoong explained.

Yunho let out a sigh of relief and wiped his face with the sleeves of his sweater.

"So you're ok and not hurt?"

Yunho could practically hear you smiling when you said:

"I'm ok Yunho. And don't worry. I'll be home soon. Wait for me."

「𝐾𝑎𝑛𝑔 𝑌𝑒𝑜𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑔」

Yeosang tossed and turned on his king sized bed, unable to sleep. He grabbed one of the many pillows next to him and wrapped his arms and legs around it, but it didn't feel right. It was cold and somehow couldn't adjust properly to his body.

Groaning he just threw it across the room and slumped on the bed, looking at the ceiling. He was startled by 3 loud knocks on his door.

"Yo! Can you either stop making so much noise or else I'm going to knock you out until our trip is finished. Thank you!" He heard Jongho's tired voice exclaim.

Yeosang sighed. Ever since he left the airport that morning along with the others because they had a mission to carry out, he had been anxious. This was the furthest and about to become the longest time he'd been away from home....

Away from you...

It was only the first night and he already had trouble sleeping. He had gotten so used to having you next to him, cuddled up next to you, inhaling your calming scent as he fell asleep to the sound of your breathing. It was like he needed it or else he'd go insane. If he couldn't have that, he at least needed to hear your voice.

Pushing his luck, he opened up his phone and tried to video call you. His free hand began fidgeting, as he remembered you probably wouldn't pick up since it was late and you were probably asleep too. His heart skipped a beat when your face popped up on the screen.

"Yeosang?" You asked tiredly.

"Uh..... hi baby. Did I wake you?" He asked, feeling guilty for disturbing you.

You yawned softly. "It's fine. What's wrong baby?"

Yeosang blushed at the pet name and at the thought of telling you why he called you.

"I.....couldn't sleep...." He admitted shyly.

"Oh? Why's that love?" You raised an eyebrow.

Yeosang smiled shyly before saying:

"You're not here.......and I wanted to see you....hear you..."

He leaned in closer to the camera, his fingers grazing the screen, wanting to touch you.

"I miss you.."

「𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝑆𝑎𝑛」

San strolled somberly through the park, not really paying attention where he was going. Finding an empty bench, he sat down on it and looked at the ground, reflecting on what happened a few days prior:

"You're...what?" He asked, his eyes widening when you told him the news. He began chuckling awkwardly.

"Please tell me your joking."

You held up the pregnancy, 2 lines clearly indicating that it was positive. San nearly fell back when he saw it.

"H-how in the world..?" He couldn't even finish his sentence.

"You really want a biology lesson right now?" You raised an eyebrow at him.

"You know that's not what I meant!" His tone suddenly got loud, frightening you a little.

"We were careful! You were on the pill and I used condoms! What the hell went wrong?!" He demanded.

"You know that doesn't always work! And instead of yelling at me can't you try to be more supportive of the fact I'm carrying your child Choi San!?" You lashed out at him.

San looked away from you in shame, too scared of the situation. He grabbed his coat and left you there with only an apology that broke your heart.

San was brought out of his thoughts when he heard a little squeal. Lifting his head up, he watched as a young couple played with their daughter. The image brought a smile to his face, and then he was filled with dread and remorse for just leaving you like that.

"Choi San you fucking coward." He said as he got up and ran to your house, hoping it wasn't too late to set things right with you.

When you opened the door, you were startled to see him and even more startled when he engulfed you in a hug.

"I'm extremely sorry for leaving you like that Y/N. I was scared and truthfully, I still am."

Pulling back, he looked straight in your eyes to say the following words:

"But I love you and I'm not going to let you go through this alone. I'm going to be here for you...and our child."

「𝑆𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑀𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑖」

"Hold still."

You repeated that for what seemed like the 25th time in less than 4 minutes.

"It stings!" Mingi complained when you wiped the cotton pad filled with sanitizing solution on his wound again.

"If you stop moving, we'll get over this faster and it'll hurt less." You reminded him.

Mingi shut his eyes tight and muffled a cry when you rubbed his wound. You rolled your eyes at him as you finished by bandaging him up.

"Seriously, you're such a big baby at times." You told him as you began dressing him in a shirt.

"Oh yeah? Can a big baby take a stab to the chest? No? Thought so." He stated proudly.

You only sighed as you began buttoning up his shirt.

"I only wished you'd be more careful. Sometimes I'm afraid of you getting really hurt...."

Mingi could sense your nervousness and fear of one day losing him. Cupping your cheeks, he smushed your face together and cooed at you softly.

"You don't have to worry about me baby. Hardly anything happens to me aside from little scrapes like these." He assured you.

You snorted. "Yeah. Scrapes that I always end up cleaning and taking care of. Seriously, what would you do if you didn't have me? You can't live without me."

Mingi was going to reply something sarcastically to your teasing, but instead he just let out a gasp and held a hand to his chest.

"What?" You were startled by his action, thinking his wound opened up or started hurting.

Mingi blinked at you before saying:

"You're right....I really can't live without you.."

Without warning, he tackled you onto the bed and wrapped his long limbs around you, rendering you unable to escape him.

"Cause I love you too much to let you go." He winked at you and pressed kisses all over your face.

"Mingi! You dork! Let me go!" You cried out half-heartedly, loving how playful he'd get.

"Nope! I'm never gonna let you go!" He giggled at you as he tightened his embrace on you.

「𝐽𝑢𝑛𝑔 𝑊𝑜𝑜𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑔」

You said good night to your date, allowing him to kiss you softly on the lips. It wasn't particularly bad, but you felt no sparks at all, although you pushed those thoughts away, believing that it was only because it was your first kiss together. You walked to the front of your apartment, and began to take out your key when a figure rounded the corner and stepped up next to you.

"Did you have fun on your little date?"

You knew that voice all too well, even if you were born again, you'd still recognize it.

"I did actually Wooyoung." You turned around, your arms crossing over your chest. You couldn't help the smug smirk on your face as you continued:

"He was a perfect gentleman and very well behaved thank you."

Wooyoung scoffed. "Boring old sack if you ask me."

"What the fuck do you want Wooyoung?" You were tired of him and just wanted him gone.

"You know exactly what I want Y/N..."

Pressing his body close to yours, he let one of his hands tuck a piece of hair behind your ear.

"I want you.....I want us again."

You let out a dry laugh at that.

"How funny. If I recall correctly, it was you the one who wanted to end us. The one who didn't want to commit to a relationship, the one who wanted to continue living a wild life and just walk out of whatever we had."

Wooyoung looked away momentarily when you spoke out the harsh truth.

"Well guess what? I moved on and I found someone else to be happy with. I don't need you and you certainly don't need me."

You turned to walk inside your house, but Wooyoung spun you around and pinned you to the wall.

"That's where you're wrong Y/N! I do need you! I can't live without you!"

Not being able to help it, he gripped your chin and kissed you roughly. You didn't even try to push him away, deep down you knew you wanted it too. His kiss definitely sent sparks down your body and you craved it more when he pulled away.

Wooyoung smirked when he saw your expression.

"And I'm willing to bet you can't live without me either..."

「𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝐽𝑜𝑛𝑔ℎ𝑜」

Jongho stared at the documents in front of him. All he had to do was pick up the pen next to him, sign away and then he would be free. Free from this arranged marriage set up by both of your parents that threw you both together for years now. Both of you could finally live your lives the way you wanted to......

"So why can't I just do it?"

Jongho didn't need to think too much about it, he knew exactly why he was refusing to sign the papers.

"Jongho? Anytime now." You reminded him, tapping on the dotted line at the bottom of the page.

Jongho hesitantly picked up the pen next to him, sighing sadly. His hand began to tremble as he placed the ballpoint right on the line..... but he couldn't do it.

"Fuck this."

Jongho threw the pen to the side and grabbed the stack of papers, easily ripping them to shreds and discarding them in the nearest trash bin.

"Jongho? What are you doing?" You exclaimed in shock of his actions.

"I can't do this Y/N." He admitted.

"You don't have to be scared anymore Jongho. I told you, our parents won't care-"

"No Y/N! You don't understand! I can't end our marriage because I don't want to!"

You looked at him in shock when he said that. Walking up to you, Jongho held your hands.

"From the beginning......despite not wanting any of this....you were always so sweet and caring towards me, and you were always there when I needed you, even if at times I pushed you away.."

Your eyes welled up with tears when he began talking.

"I'm not ready to let you go.......I can't let you go."

He looked into your eyes before admitting:

"Y/N, I love you. I truly and wholeheartedly fell in love with you...... and I don't think I could live the rest of my life without you in it...so please...

Can you please stay with me?"

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners

#ateez #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez mafia au #mafia!au #mafia!ateez #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho #ateez angst #ateez fluff

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bts-reveries · 3 years

Text

expect the unexpected | 19

(images in between and in the end)

Jin had just picked up his two oldest and is now back in his office. It’s been a long day. Having Haneul alone with him was already a hard time but adding two more? He tried his best to maintain his composure as Yeonjun told him the rest of the schedule for today.

“So right now we have all this paperwork to go through because it has to be sent out today, and then we have to go to a video shoot at 4:30pm. Jungkook should be here soon. Afterwards, when we get back, we have a meeting regarding the promotional photoshoots for the new drama, Save Me, with their Director, Producer, and the seven lead actors.” Yeonjun says. “I heard it’s really good. Kind of confusing actually when I saw the trailer. There’s this seven group of friends and they all make some sort of bad decision in their lives and they.. Well not all of them but I think some of them die? Then come back to life? I don’t know, but one of them is a time traveler I think..” Yeonjun trailed on, looking up as he thought back to the trailer.

Although, Jin wasn’t really listening.

“Dad, what does this word mean?” Minseok asks, pointing to his book.

“Daddy can we get ice cream in the cafeteria,” Soojin says, holding onto the door knob.

“Carry meee,” Haneul whines, he’s standing by Jin’s leg, trying to climb onto his dad’s lap.

“Anyways,” Yeonjun says, going back on track. “It should be fun. They’ll be here around 6pm. Which, I understand, is around dinner time, but it was the only available time they had for a meeting. This drama was a big hit on webtoon. It’s good exposure for us for them to use our studio.”

“Dad!” Minseok called, he’s now standing next to Jin. “Can you help me please? I don’t know this word.”

“DDDAAAAAADDDYY!” Soojin yells. “Can we please get ice cream!”

“Caaarryyy meeeeee!” Haneul screams, bursting into tears.

Jin drops his head into his hands. “My head. Is going. To ex-plode.”

“Minseok, I’ll help you with your homework, come with me,” Yeonjun says, finally realizing how tired and stressed Jin was. Minseok glances at his dad before walking towards Yeonjun and grabbing onto his hand that he was holding out. Then Soojin came running to Jin’s side, where Minseok was just standing.

“Daddy you’re not listening to me,” Soojin frowns. Jin turns to the side and looks at her. His sweet, precious daughter. The one he can never say no to.

“Soojin it’s cold, you’re going to get sick if you eat ice cream,” Jin calmly says. “And you haven’t even done your homework yet. Go with Minseok and Uncle Yeonjun and do your homework with them.”

Soojin’s lip starts to quiver, “but I just want to eat a little bit. I can do my homework when I’m done…”

“Soojin, daddy said no. Now go,” Jin says, turning to the side to pick up Haneul. He was still crying his eyes out. Soojin looked down, a big frown on her face and tears started running down her face. Jin was too busy wiping Haneul’s tears away and shushing him that he didn’t know Soojin was crying until he heard her sobbing when she walked away.

“Soojin,” Jin called out. She didn’t answer, nor did she look back. “Soojinie,” Jin calls again. “Yah, Kim Soojin!”

“w-AHH!” Jin yells, the three, Yeonjun, Minseok, and Soojin all looked back at Jin when they heard him yell.

Yeonjun has never seen him so mad before.

Jin puts down Haneul and stands up.

Hot coffee dripped down his suit. His tie and white dress shirt was completely soaked.

Jin puts both hands on his desk, leaning forward as he sighs.

Haneul wasn’t done crying, flailing his hand around and started hitting things on the table, grabbing things, causing Jin’s cup of coffee to come flying at his chest. Not to mention, spilling all over the paperwork that had to be done.

“Sir, I have a sweatshirt you can borrow in my bag,” Yeonjun says, standing up immediately to grab his duffle bag. He usually worked out in the gym Jin had a whole floor of in his building. “You can change into it now so you don’t get all sticky,” he says, handing a white sweatshirt to Jin. Jin says a quiet thank you, grabbing the sweatshirt from Yeonjun and placing it on the back of his chair as he took off his blazer, his tie, and his white dress shirt.

Haneul was still sniffling and he quickly ran to Yeonjun when he made eye contact with his dad.

“Yeonjun,” Jin says. “Do you have the soft copy for these,” he says, pointing to the sticky mess on his table.

“Yes sir,” Yeonjun says, running over to get his laptop. “I’ll send them to you right now.” Jin sounded awfully calm right now, which scared the kids even more. Minseok was fidgeting with his book as he looked at his dad and Soojin was sitting next to him, playing with her hands. Haneul was standing by the couch, trying to hide. He would take small glances at his dad as he watched him clean up the mess he made.

“And also, we can’t cancel the meeting so just make sure our guests feel welcome when they come here for our meeting. I’ll connect from my laptop because we’ll be going home soon. I’ll continue my work there. You’re in charge here, make sure everyone is in that meeting and please have someone set up a TV in our boardroom so they can all see me when I connect. Umm, yeah, that’s all-- Oh, I won’t be there for the video shoot. We won’t get anything done and will only be a bother if I come with the kids so just go with Jungkook okay?”

“Okay sir.”

“Kids pack your stuff, we’re going to leave in a bit,” Jin says, going back to cleaning his desk. The kids hurriedly grabbed their things, stuffing it into their backpacks.

Jin wasn’t mad often, but when he was…

He’s definitely scary.

“Hello everyone, first of all, thank you all for being here. I apologize that I couldn’t be there with you in person. I really wanted to be there but I am working as both CEO and dad tonight,” Jin says lightheartedly. He watches everyone smile through his laptop. “Second of all, I want to apologize beforehand. My three kids might pop up here and there and interrupt, but I talked to them before this and we should be okay. But just in case,” Jin says, raising his head to see if the kids are nearby. His office had clear doors for him to be able to see the kids.

“Okay, so it looks like the coast is clear,” Jin jokes, we can start our meeting now. Jin nods his head, gesturing for the first person to go ahead and start off the meeting. First they had to talk about the drama and it’s concept so they can have a feel of how they can take the photos.

“Daddy,” Jin hears from the side. He shuts his eyes, taking a deep breath before moving his head out of frame to see Haneul peeking in the room. “I want to stay with you..”

Jin mutes his mic before talking to Haneul.

“Daddy’s in the meeting, can you please go to your brother and sister and wait until I’m done?”

Haneul shakes his head no, walking towards Jin. “I want to stay with youu~” He says, trying to climb onto Jin’s lap yet again.

Jin sighs, pulling Haneul up and placing him on his lap.

“What do you think, Mr. Kim?”

Jin’s eyes widened, unmuting himself. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

The director laughs. “We’re thinking of doing one concept as school themed. Since the seven characters will be meeting at school in the drama. Would we be able to do that?”

“Yes, that sounds good. We have school props that we can use for the photoshoots, like desks and the blackboard. Yeonjun show them a picture that we have from a previous photoshoot where we did a school concept.”

“I don’t like that,” Haneul says, causing a few heads to look up. Jin looks down and shushes him.

“It’s not for you to like,” he says.

As the meeting went on, Haneul got bored and began picking at things on the table.

“Haneul please don’t touch anything,” Jin says, moving Haneul’s hand away from the table and holding onto them.

“What is it Mr. Kim?”

“Oh no sorry, I was talking to my son. Please,” Jin says, moving a hand to gesture to the camera. “Continue.”

After Jin lets go of Haneul’s hands, he immediately slams a hand on the keyboards, shutting it off.

“What did you do!” Jin yells. Trying to turn the laptop back on but it looks like it froze or something because it wasn’t turning on.

“I don’t want to be in the meeting,” Haneul says, watching Jin frantically trying to get his laptop to work. Jin sighs in annoyance, grabbing Haneul and putting him down next to him.

“Then why didn’t you stay with your siblings?” He says. “This is an important meeting Haneul, I was already supposed to be there in person and now I can’t even join--”

“I just want to play--”

“I’m speaking right now,” Jin says to him, turning to look him in the eye.

“Okay,” Haneul answers quietly.

“Is that right or not?”

“That’s right.”

“You did something wrong, do you agree?”

Haneul nods, his lip beginning to quiver and his eyes starting to water.

“Go stand in the corner, you’re in a time out,” Jin tells him, nodding to the corner of his office. Haneul burst into tears as he ran to the corner where his dad told him to go, holding his face in his hands.

“Stay there until I finish my meeting,” Jin tells him, returning back to his laptop. It still wasn’t turning on.

Jin runs his hand through his hair, scratching the back of his head. He grabs his phone and texts Yeonjun.

“Haneul shut off my laptop and it’s not turning on. I’ll connect through my phone just give me a few minutes.”

expect the unexpected

♡ part nineteen: daddy said no ♡

pairings: ceo, dad!jin x interior designer, mom!reader

a/n: the part where jin says “im speaking right now” to “you did something wrong do you agree?” and everything in between was a real convo between him and yoongi when he kept talking while jin was talking😭 i’ll reblog this later with a link lol

edit: actually here it is: 0:39-0:44

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sisterspooky1013 · 3 years

Text

Only One Choice, Part 2, Chapter 23

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

It doesn’t feel real until she sees the flutter on the ultrasound, the grey and white pixels flashing erratically confirming a healthy ten-week pregnancy. The doctor gives them a due date of September 17th, and she explains to Mulder repeatedly that the due date is only an estimate, that the baby will most likely arrive sometime in the two weeks before or after that day. Nonetheless, he prints little numbers in the corner of each date on the calendar, counting down.

She is lucky to experience very little nausea, but the time saved clinging to the toilet is instead allocated to bursting into tears at every tiny inconvenience. Mulder comforts her with a confused expression when she cries because she can’t find a Tupperware lid that fits, or her latte has too much foam, or she realizes she can no longer see her toes. She cries because she’s crying, because she feels out of touch with her own body and thrown off by her own emotions. They marvel at the growth of her belly as well as her breasts, which are even more sensitive than they were before. Her libido kicks into overdrive at the same time that she becomes incredibly self conscious about her protruding belly, her fuller face, her swelling feet. This leads to more tears as she grapples with both wanting desperately to be touched and not wanting him to look at her.

He tells her each day how beautiful she is, her hair growing longer and thicker, her skin glowing, her rounding belly housing the perfect little life that they created together. When he’s home, he rubs her feet every night, fetches her countless glasses of water and then helps tow her out of the bed so she can pee ten times in the night. When he’s on the road with Monica, he calls three times a day, asks Missy and her mother to go by and check on her, calls in dinner to be delivered so she doesn't have to cook. As her due date nears, he stops going on out-of-town cases, needing to be close enough to be by her side immediately when she goes into labor. He will not risk missing the birth of his child.

The apartment becomes cramped with a bassinet, changing table, pack n play, and various other baby gadgets. They consider moving, but the idea is too overwhelming for Scully so they decide to stay put until the baby becomes mobile and they really need more space. Mulder breaks the lease on his apartment and moves his fish tank into the living room, putting the rest of his furniture in storage until they buy a house. Priscilla breaks in all the baby gear, sleeping in the car seat and jumping into the swing, covering the tiny onesies with her black fur and making Scully cry yet again. Mulder refuses to let her scoop the litter box, even though she insists it’s safe if she wears gloves and washes her hands afterward. Other tasks she’s forbidden to complete include cleaning the toilet, carrying in the groceries and hauling laundry to the washing machine. When he’s on the road, she misses him as much as she is relieved to be able to be independent, not much caring for being treated as though she’s made of glass.

For the majority of her pregnancy, Scully insists that she doesn’t want to know the sex of the baby, that she wants to be surprised. Mulder respects her decision, even though he would personally like to know, and they create two lists of potential baby names, Scully crossing off “Lisa Marie'' each time Mulder tries to add it to the “girl” column. When she reaches 39 weeks, her pelvis widening as the baby drops into the birth canal, she is so miserable that she has a change of heart, needing to feel connected to this thing that is destroying her body and stealing her sleep. They call the doctor together on a Thursday afternoon as Scully sits on the couch in tears, having woken that morning to find angry red stretch marks marring her previously lily-white belly. When Mulder relays the doctor’s message that the baby is a girl, she sobs harder, and he’s not sure whether it’s because she’s happy or disappointed.

She wakes him at 3:00 am on September 21st, the irregular Braxton-Hicks contractions she’s been feeling for weeks having taken up a predictable cadence, now ten minutes apart almost on the dot. He starts rushing around, scrambling for her hospital bag and his shoes, and now it is her turn to provide comfort, to let him know there’s plenty of time. She doesn’t want to go to the hospital until the contractions are five minutes apart, and so they wait. The progression to nine minutes, then eight, then seven is alarmingly fast, and by the time she agrees that they should head to the hospital she’s starting to feel pressure low in her pelvis. Mulder drives too fast, the streets thankfully still quiet in the early morning, and she is wheeled into labor and delivery with not enough time for an epidural, much to her lament.

Molly Katherine Mulder has blue eyes and a dark shock of nearly-black hair. She barely cries at her entrance to the world, instead searching the room with a curious gaze, squeezing her daddy’s finger with an impressively strong grip and latching like a pro. They are able to go home the following day, Scully wincing as she moves gingerly from the bed to the couch, rinsing her tender stitches with a bottle of warm water and bleeding through entire packages of overnight maxi pads in a day.

Mulder takes off work for two weeks and they spend blissful days curled up in bed with the baby nestled between them as Priscilla curiously sniffs around her, licking her hair with a rough tongue and making them laugh. Each time Scully wakes at night to nurse, Mulder insists she go back to sleep while he changes the baby and walks her around the quiet apartment until she is asleep, singing softly and lulling them both.

When Mulder returns to work, Scully insists that he get a full night's sleep and let her wake up with Molly, reasoning that she can take naps during the day. She does not, of course, take naps during the day. Instead she tries to keep the apartment clean, the clothes washed, the diapers taken out to the dumpster, the litter box scooped. She does too much, and he sees it each day as she grows more and more weary, more and more defeated, the bags under her eyes deepening in color and her mouth rarely hosting a smile. He begs her to let him do more, to ask less of herself, but she is stubborn and strong-willed, the very things he loves about her now keeping her from properly taking care of herself.

They struggle through sleep-deprived arguments over who left the breast milk out on the counter all night, why it matters if he changes the baby on the floor instead of the changing table, why Scully doesn’t want to supplement with formula so he can take some of the night feedings. Her doctor releases her as medically clear to have sex after six weeks and she cries as she tells him that she doesn’t feel ready, that she can’t imagine anything worse than sex right now, and he holds her as he tells her that he doesn’t care, that she should take as much time as she needs, that he can wait.

They struggle, and they thrive. Moments of absolute unadulterated joy are punctuated by intense despair and overwhelm. The gain of a family against the loss of a life where you could pick up and go, stay out until 2:00 am and make love in the middle of the day. They are happy, and they are stressed, and they face it together.

On a Saturday in December, Mulder wakes early and takes care of every conceivable task in the house; the laundry, the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, scooping the litter, buying the groceries. He checks every item off Scully’s to-do list and then takes Molly for a long drive, leaving Scully alone with nothing to do in hopes that she will rest for once. When they return from their excursion, he creeps into the quiet apartment with a sleeping baby in his arms and sets her in the bassinet by the couch. At first he thinks maybe Scully has gone out, but he finds her in bed asleep with soaking wet hair, Priscilla curled up behind her knees. He watches her for a bit, affection clutching at his chest, then changes into sweats and kicks Priscilla out so he can snuggle up behind Scully. It feels so infrequent that they just lay like this anymore; one of them is always about to get up with the baby, about to get ready for work, or doesn’t want to be touched after a tiny person has clung to them all day. He pulls in a deep breath, smelling her lavender bubble bath and feeling the rise and fall of her ribs against his chest. He doesn’t want to disturb her, but he can’t resist pressing a tiny kiss to the side of her neck.

“Mmmm,” she hums in response, twisting her body around so they are face to face.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he whispers.

“It’s okay. Where’s Molly?”

“She’s asleep in the living room.”

She sighs and snuggles closer to him, pressing her forehead into his chest and pushing one of her legs between his.

“This feels nice,” she says contentedly, and he brushes his hand softly up and down her back.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Tired. Frumpy. Like I haven’t put on real clothes or a stitch of makeup in three months,” she laments.

“Well, I’ll give you tired,” he says softly, “but I can’t agree on frumpy. I think you look very beautiful.”

She scoffs against his chest.

“You don’t have to placate me, Mulder. I know I’m a mess.”

“Maybe so, but you’re my mess,” he retorts, pushing his fingers into her hair to gently scratch her scalp.

She tilts her head up to look at him, appraising his face with a skeptical eye.

“Is this what you thought it was going to be like?” she asks, her tone open and vulnerable.

“I don’t know,” he answers honestly, “I guess I didn’t really know what to expect.”

She sighs. “I just wish I knew when I might start to feel like myself again,” she says sadly. “I can’t help but feel like you’re not getting what you signed up for.”

“What do you mean?” he asks with a concerned frown.

He sees her eyes growing glassy, dampening with impending tears. “I mean the woman you asked out in the autopsy bay isn’t the one you’re with now,” she whispers, swallowing against the lump in her throat.

“That’s not even a little bit true,” he implores, cradling the back of her head with his hand. “You are everything you were then, and more. I’m amazed by you every day.”

She closes her eyes, a tear rolling across the bridge of her nose. He feels his chest ache; the need to make her understand is overwhelming.

“Hey,” he says, pulling the blankets back, “come here.”

He pulls her into a sitting position and slides off the bed, towing her along with him to sit on the edge of the mattress. He kneels on the floor between her knees, his hands on her hips.

“If you think for one second that I want to be with anyone but you, you’re fucking insane. I don’t care if you wear giant milk-stained T-shirts and have spit up in your hair for the rest of our lives, Scully. You’re it for me, okay?”

She pulls in a shuddering breath and wipes at her eyes, but won’t look at him.

“Stay here,” he commands, and disappears into the bathroom for a moment. When he comes back, he returns to his post kneeling at her feet.

“We knew this was going to be hard,” he says tenderly, holding one of her hands in his. “You said it yourself before Molly was born, that it would be the hardest time in our lives, and that we’d be at our worst. And I’m telling you that if this is your worst, sign me up, okay? It hasn’t changed how I feel about you.”

He holds up his other hand, a diamond ring perched between his thumb and forefinger.

“If you’re not ready to say yes yet, that’s okay, but I need you to know that I still want to marry you, Scully. I’ll wait forever if that’s what you need, but there hasn’t been a single day since I asked that I haven’t still meant it.”

Her tears have stopped, though her eyes are still wet and the tip of her nose is red. She looks from him to the ring and back, her eyebrows stitched in contemplation.

“I didn’t hear you ask me a question,” she says quietly, and he picks up on the slightest lilt of playfulness in her voice, which makes him break out into a smile.

“Dana Katherine Scully, love of my life, mother of my child, will you marry me?”

She smiles then, and he thinks his heart may burst right out of his chest.

“Yes, I’ll marry you,” she answers, and he takes her left hand, slipping the ring on her finger.

She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him repeatedly, soft pecks devolving into lingering smooches as he shifts up slightly, pushing her back gently to recline on the bed. He moves over her, kissing along her jaw and down her neck, not going any further, not wanting to rush her.

She brings her hands to his hips, letting the tips of her fingers slip under the waist of his sweatpants, and his cock stirs. It’s been so, so, long, and he wants her desperately, but not until she’s ready. She pushes her hand down the front of his pants, gripping him as he grows hard under her touch. It’s overwhelming in the best way; he feels like a teenager being touched for the first time.

“I wanna have sex,” she breathes into his ear, the words rushing out quickly as though she’s afraid she might change her mind if she waits too long to say them.

He pulls back to look at her. “Are you sure?” he asks, and she nods, bringing her palm to his cheek before glancing at the ring on her finger and smiling.

They move slowly, though still with a sense of urgency that a baby sleeping in the next room brings. He pushes her shirt up and she lets him take it off, then slips the yoga pants off her hips, leaving her in basic black cotton briefs. He sees the hesitancy in her eyes as he looks at her body, now softer than it was before Molly, curvy in different places, purple streaks running from below her belly button to disappear under her panties.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, kissing her chest, her breasts, her belly, running his tongue along the grooves of her stretch marks. He loops his thumbs under the waist of her panties and tugs them down slowly, quickly undressing before he rejoins her in the bed.

“Tell me if anything hurts, okay?” he asks with a serious expression, and she nods, letting her legs fall open as he settles between them. He lines himself up with her entrance and pushes in achingly slowly, watching her face raptly. Her mouth opens slightly, and she takes in a sharp little breath. He’s about to ask her if it hurts when she closes her eyes and her mouth drops open further as she breathes out “oh,” in a way that he knows means pleasure, not pain. When he’s all the way in, their hip bones pressed together tightly, he stills and kisses her for a while, feeling like he could melt into a puddle for how good everything feels. His heart, his mind, his body, he is all wrapped up in her and it’s exactly where he wants to be.

He begins to move, and she responds with an arch of her back and a little gasp, her hands clutching at his shoulders. Little by little, he increases his pace until he knows he won’t last much longer.

“What do you need?” he asks, and she brings her hand to her breast.

He dips his head, flicking at the hardened bud of her nipple, and feels her clench around him. He plays with the level of pressure, licking and sucking, pleasantly surprised that she is enjoying it even as her breasts have taken on a purely functional role these last few months.

She pulls in a huge breath, arching her back and pressing her head into the mattress and he groans as he feels her tighten around him. She emits a single piercing cry when she comes, stifling it with an arm slung across her mouth. He pours into her, burying his face in her neck, clinging to her like a life raft. She is, in fact, all he needs to survive.

Resting half his weight on the mattress beside her, he stays inside as they both come down, panting and smiling, brushing hands over each other’s skin, reconnecting.

“Ah!” Molly yells from the living room, and Mulder laughs.

“You’re being summoned,” Scully says with a tender smile.

He withdraws from her, handing her his T-shirt to clean up while he slips on his sweatpants and retrieves Molly from her bassinet.

“Guess what, Goose?” he says, using his special nickname for her, “Mommy and Daddy are getting married.”

“AH!” She squeals, flapping her arms.

#the x files #txf #dana scully #fox mulder #gillovny #msr #sculder #x files fanfic #alternate universe

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bubsdolan · 3 years

Note

Can we get the next part to clingy please? I’m obsessed with that fic :)

{clingy gray masterlist}

“YOU KISSED MY GIRLFRIEND!”

“ex girlfriend grayson, im your ex girlfriend!”

grayon’s deadly grip on his brothers body was instantly released. ethans feet touching the ground with a sigh of relief as he rubs at the now tender skin of his neck, where an imprint of his brothers hand now sat. ethan swallowed the lump in his throat as he flashed you a small smile in gratitude, coming in at the right time and saving him from a bad temper ready to burst and could potentially do real damage. like you normally did, you were the calm grayson needed whenever he felt a storm brewing, yet as of right now, you are the storm.

grayson was in disbelief, pressing the palms of his hands roughly into his eyes and rubbing servel times to try and abrub the sight in front of him. he was frozen in place when he reopened his eyes, blinking a few times to get rid of the little white dots in his vision and make sure you were still there, not a figment of his imagination. you came back for him.

“y/n, baby i-” grayon reached out to try and grab you. his hands fighting a gravitational force to the one thing he needed more than anything in his life. he needed to hold you and feel your warm delicate skin agasint his fingers after so many horrible and earth shattering weeks apart. he longed for the moment you would run back into his arms, shower him with kisses and forget the drama in your relationship ever existed.

however, when you retracted your steps, distancing yourself further from him as you shield your body from his ever so inviting hands, avoiding his gaze when you turned to look at ethan instead- something inside grayson switched for the second time that night. his head bouncing between you and his brother, who appeared to be making silent communication, he was not apart of, with your eyes. grayson’s fists clenching at his sides, vein protruding from his forehead as he let out an almost evil, vemuous laugh.

“oh i see what's going on here-” grayons gestures towards the pair of you, chest puffing out as he tried to make himself look as intimidating as possible. needing to feel like he has all the control and power over the room even though he was by far the strongest.

“you’re not here for me,” grayson sends draggers in your direction, running his hands through his already matted hair as he chuckles in realisation. his heart dropping as he tried to convince himself what he thought was true- his mind playing cruel malicious tricks on him.

“what are you talking about? i came back for you, grayson! to hopefully sort it and get back to the place we were before all this shit happened. when we were happy-“

“YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH MY OWN BROTHER!” in the months you had been dating, grayson had never once raised his voice at you, never once lost his temper or directed his anger towards you. but at the way his eyes pierced dangerously into yours, his red and angry face meters from your own as his body trapped you between his intimidating build and the wall of the place you once called home.

it was the first time you were scared of grayson, terrified even. this wasn’t your grayson, the man you feel in love with, who stole your heart and made you whole. this was a monster of a man, a villain you didn't recognise and one you wished to never encounter again.

normally you would fight your corner, like you had done the entire time you were seemly at war with the dolan brothers, but right now grayson made you feel weak. he left you speechless and unable to defend yourself at the wild accusations he had created for himself. the way his body pushed agasint your own, send shivers down your spine- and certainly not in a good way.

when he lifted his hand up to run this fingers through his disentangled hair, you flinched and curled yourself deeper into your body for protection. a reaction you instantly regretted when you saw grayson’s face drop, a deep set frown appear on his features as his eyes soften briefly. for a minute you through he was going to breakdown and cry, or even apologise for his outburst, comfort you and wash away your insecurities, but all he did was push himself off you and walk away. shoulder bumping agasin ethan in aggression as within seconds you hear the heavy slam on his bedroom door.

you felt paralysed, tears welling in your eyes, fingers shaking as you certainly didn’t expect your return to cause this much of a uproar. this much fear and sheer panic.

“i’ll talk to him,” you feel ethan’s somewhat calming presence on your shoulder, giving it a small squeeze of reassurance before sending you a warm smile he knew wouldn’t be enough to redo all the hurt and pain he caused. you nod your head, wrapping your arms around yourself as all you could do was stand there, staring down at your feet to prevent yourself from breaking down. no words could escape your lips, you were stunned into slience for the first time in forever. broken.

“bro,” ethan takes a steady, clausius approach when entering grayson’s room. making sure to knock first before bursting in like he normally would. in any normal circumstances he would slap him brother upside the head for treating you with such disrespect - but this was far from normal and he knew he was to blame for all of it.

“fuck off, e.” grayson growled. not even acknowledging ethan when he doesn’t look up from the floor, images of the fear in your eyes haunting him. he was sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as his knees shook with anger. he saw red, letting his anger out on you, scaring you, making you believe he would ever harm you. grayson would never forgive him.

“bro listen to me, please,” ethan pleads with his younger brother, not moving a muscle from his position by the foot of his bed, besides to close the door and give the bothers some privacy. you had gone through enough and ethan wasn’t sure how this conversation was going to go. this was to save you another heartbreak incase grayson wiped his hands with not only him, but you.

ethan watched as grayson slowly met his gaze with a hard darkened one, cracking his knuckles as he took a deep breath and gave his older brother the attention he wanted. if you couldn’t get through to grayson, ethan was the next best person, but when grayson opened his mouth, he should have senesed his outburst approaching and backed down immediately.

“no, you listen to me ethan, this is all your fault! if you never would have opened your big mouth- fuck i might have just lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me. you- you did this!” grayson pointed his finger aggressively at ethan, watching him shutter and gulp as he was overcome with guilt.

all ethan could do was look down in shame. everything grayson was saying was true. he caused your heartbreak, he caused his brother’s world to collapse around him, he caused the broken relationship he now shared with his twin- his once bestfriend and soulmate. he took hit after hit as grayson finally spilled every last ounce of emotion he has been bottling up.

“why bro, why? could you not stand to see me happy just this once! finally something good, something of my own and you go and fuck it up for me! why-“

“it should have been me! i thought i loved h-her,” ethan breaks down at the truth, stalling grayson from his rage as he was frozen in his position meters away, eyes glancing to the door in hopes you weren’t able to hear the words they were exchanging. the words out loud made him feel sick to his stomach. his brother ‘loved’ his girlfriend and wished you were his happily ever after- how did it all end up going so wrong.

grayson wanted to scream at ethan, punch him, even though him out the house and his life, but when he witnessed the sobs, the vicious shaking and breakdown from his bestfriend, he broke too. call it twin telepathy, but he felt his pain.

grayson had to be the bigger man if he ever wanted a normal relationship with his brother, or if he even had the chance to rekindle your relationship- one that without, life simply wasn’t worth living.

“do you still love her?” grayson’s voice broke. not wanting to know the answer to the question, yet needing to in order to push past this. ethan’s answer was make or break for the three of you.

“i did, no- i, i thought i did, grayson, but bro, believe me i don’t anymore. i watched how happy you are with her bro, i watch how she makes you laugh, makes you smile, makes you the best version of you and i was jealous-“

ethan gradually moved closer to the bed, hesitant to sit down next to grayson and continue what had been bubbling up since the day you walked out all those weeks ago. grayson didn’t budge, giving ethan the green light to make himself more comfortable in the bed and beg for his brother’s forgiveness.

“i was in love with the thought of being loved. all my past relationships never worked out, i always got used and walked all over, but with y/n, she felt different. she isn’t with you for the money, the fame, or your name. she’s with you because she loves you bro, more than ive ever seen a person love anybody.”

ethan is cut off by grayson cries, his head hitting ethans chest as he clutches onto his shirt and simply just shakes. the fact he brother had admitted to witnessing the love you and grayson shared, it made him hate himself even more for everything you had been through. all your fights, arguments and breakdowns weren’t worth it. you needed each other, more than you needed air to survive.

“she loves you bro, fight for her.” ethan hugs his brother close. a sense of relief watching over him at the somewhat feeling of normality coming back. it felt good to be this close to him, to hold him and be the big brother he always promised to be.

he lefts grayson cry into his body for what felt like hours, shushing him and reassuring him that you- the person losing her mind in the living room listening to grayson’s cries, wanting nothing more to run in there and kiss all his worries away- was his endgame.

“ethan, thank you.” grayson wipes his eyes, composing himself to face you and put right everything that went horribly wrong. ethan was right, he needed to fight for you, not with you.

ethan padded grayson’s back, sending him a real genuine smile and bringing him in for one last bone crushing hug he missed and would never take for granted again. happy to have his partner in crime back.

“go get your girl back, bro.”

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candychronicles · 4 years

Text

A little bit of love

hello dear friends! it’s been quite a stressful day for me and a lot of other people in the tumblr community for various reasons, so i felt it was imperative to write a little bit of comfort from some of our favorite characters. i got this lovely idea from the amazing @adoringwords pls follow if you don’t already hehe so thank you to evy!! hope you can all find a bit of solace in these words and feel a little more comfortable tonight.

TAGS: @katsukisprincess @togasknifes @redbeanteax @jojosmilktea @bratwritings

a soft huff left your lips as you wearily dropped your bag on the floor, kicking off your shoes and half-hazardly flinging your coat on the rack. life had been kicking your ass and you weren’t quite sure what to do about it. stress, anxiety and sadness weighed heavily on your shoulders and you were drowning in your feelings.

---

Sero Hanta

“babe?” a soft voice called out from the living room.

“hey,” you wearily replied, walking over and dramatically flopping yourself on Sero’s lap.

his hands immediately came up to your hair, running his long, slender fingers through it. he wasn’t sure what was going on and wasn’t really sure what to say either, but he could feel the tension slowly leave your body as you leaned yourself into his touch, eyes fluttering in relief. he continued his motions with one hand while another came to rub at your shoulder, your arms, your sides, simply trying to help and ease you even more.

“thank you,” you replied softly, humming in approval. despite the stresses of the day, you knew that your boyfriend would always find a way to make you feel better.

“anytime,” he whispered back, smiling down at your frame, heart bursting out of his chest. he wasn’t the best with words at times like this but he wanted to always make sure you knew you were loved and would have someone there to make you feel better.

Shinsou Hitoshi

Shinsou appeared in front of you, a frown on his face, lilac eyes attempting to peer into your own but your head was hung in pure exhaustion. a soft tsk left his lips as he crouched down, finally catching your eyes with his own. there was nothing but concern laced on his face, a small tilt to his head as he silently questioned what was wrong.

“‘Toshi,” you whimpered, chin wobbling as you tried not to cry in front of your love.

he immediately stood up, wrapping your shaking frame with his own, holding you close, chin on the top of your head, encouraging you to let it all out. it started with small hiccups but soon turned into great big heaves as you sobbed into his chest. he softly stroked your hair, kissed your head, held you close, anything he could do to give you some bit of comfort.

“i’m not sure what happened love, but i’m here for you. please know that i won’t ever let you be alone in these trying times. always come to me when you’re feeling down. you’re never a burden and i want to help you,” he murmured in your ear, reassuring you more than anything that he was there for you and not ever going to leave you alone.

Mirio Togata

“y/n?” Togata questioned with an unusual frown on his face, hands placed on his hips, assessing the situation.

“it’s nothing Mirio, just, not feeling good today,” you admitted half-handedly, not wanting to bother your boyfriend, especially knowing he dealt with a lot more stress than you on a daily bases.

“well you’re not feeling well, so that is something!” he exclaimed, not taking your nonchalance to heart and instead scooping you up with his arms, body cradled to his warm chest.

you squeaked as he effortlessly picked you up and placed you gently on the couch in the living room, bundling you in a blanket and promising a quick return with a small peck on your forehead.

moments had passed as you stared blankly ahead, but suddenly, your lover had returned, a smile on his face and a pile of drinks and snacks in his hand. he turned on the tv to your favorite Disney movie, snuggled in the blanket with you and, throughout the night, fed you your favorite snacks and drinks.

“thanks Mirio, i really needed this,” you admitted, smiling as you snuggled into his side more.

“of course love! i am always here to help!”

Tamaki Amajiki

you heard no one in the apartment, so you made your way towards the bedroom, being stopped as Tamaki walked out and bumped into you, surprise written on both of your faces.

“welcome home bunny,” he greeted, reaching forward to caress your cheek, frowning when he noticed the blank look on your eyes.

“a-are you okay?” he asked, internally slapping himself for even asking knowing full well that something was wrong.

“everything sucks,” you admitted bluntly, attempting to sneak past him into the bedroom.

you honestly just wanted to sleep your problems away and certainly didn’t want to bring Tamaki into the situation but you also knew you couldn’t lie to him. you were almost to the bed when a gentle grab of your arm stopped you.

“(y/n),” Tamaki started, turning you around and gently pulling you to his chest, kissing the top of your forehead, his body shakier than yours, clearly upset that you were sad. “let’s take a nap, yeah? and then we can maybe get some takeout s-snuggle some more, please?”

you responded wordlessly, slipping out of his grasp and moving back towards the bed. Tamaki beat you to it, pulling back the covers, helping you out of your daily clothes and into some pjs, tucking you into the bed before practically sprinting to the other side, slipping under the covers himself and drawing you to his side, wrapping his gangly frame around your body, essentially acting like a second blanket.

his warm body and slow, even breaths lulled you into a comfortable sleep and Tamaki verbally sighed, happy that you were, even if it was only for the moment, at peace.

Eijiro Kirishima

“hi babe! i made some cookies for today! would you like…” he trailed off, noticing your jutting lip and clenched jaw.

“aw babe, no i’m sorry! if you don’t want one you don’t have to have one!” he exclaimed, frantically waving his hands, attempting to hide the food from your sight.

you continued to watch the scene unfold, your hold on your emotions weakening before you dropped to your knees. well, you almost dropped, but strong arms wrapped around your body before you got a chance to fall, gently pulling you to the floor, rocking you back and forth.

“that isn’t about the cookies, huh?” Kirishima joked, sniffling with you, attempting to hold back his own tears.

seeing you in so much pain took a real toll on him, too, but he would never tell you, wanting to simply comfort you. he just loved you so damn much that he felt your pain.

for what seemed like hours but was really just a few minutes, the two of you rocked on the floor, Kirishima cradling your body with his own, his soft words of love and encouragement bringing you down to a sniffle.

“do you want to talk about it?” he asked, pulling his head away from your own and looking at you with a toothy grin.

“no, i think i’m okay, but i would like a cookie now, please.”

Kirishima, without warning, scooped you off the ground, setting you on the counter and pulled the cookies out, placing the whole plate in front of you. if cookies were what you needed, he would feed you the whole damn pile and more. anything to make you happy.

Denki Kaminari

you heard the sounds of video games being played in the living room, soft cheers and curses from Kaminari as he played. you attempted to sneak behind him into the bedroom but tripped over his shoes that were strewn about, falling to the floor with a thud, blinking owlishly as you tried to understand what was going on.

all the frustrations of the day caught up with you and, without even realizing it, you began to cry, throwing the shoes at what you thought was the wall but really was your boyfriend who came out to see what was going on.

“whoa, babe, i’m sorry, did my shoes make you trip? oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…” he rambled, seeing you on the floor, crying, hands and knees red from catching your fall.

he ran over to you, almost tripping himself, scooping you in his arms, apologizing over and over again about the shoes, not understanding what was going on but not wanting to leave you to cry alone.

“it’s not about your stupid shoes Denki,” you cried, pushing him away, frustration evident in your voice. he moved away, sitting crossed legged away from you, panic evident on his face. “it’s just, everything. i’m so tired, i don’t know what to do, but i’m not happy right now.”

“oh baby, fuck, and i just made it worse. i’m so sorry. here, c’mon, come lay with me,” he cooed, helping you up off the floor and to the couch.

your head laid gently on his legs, blanket wrapped tightly around his body, as he began playing video games, explaining the situation to you, making funny commentary and even helping you learn, cheering you on every time you did something good and encouraging you when you were struggling.

after a few hours, you two were sitting side by side, elbows bumping, competitively playing, lost in your own world, laughing and crying and screaming, letting your emotions out in a healthy way.

“i’m so proud of you babe!” Kaminari exclaimed after you finally managed to beat him, reaching up to give you a high five. “and not just because of the game. you’re so amazing and smart and i’m so happy to be with you. i’m sorry i’m not the best with words but i hope i helped you at least a little bit today.”

“you did Denki, you really did, so thank you so much. now stop changing the subject. i wanna play again, and i’ll beat you yet again!”

Bakugou Katsuki

“oi, quit making a racket out there, i’m trying to focus!” Bakugou called from the kitchen, presumably working on something important.

when he didn’t hear you yell something back to him, he cocked his head, confused, and scooted his chair out, walking out to investigate what was going on. he didn’t see you by the front door and that only confused him more. soft shuffling could be heard from the bedroom so he made his way towards the door, busting it open and seeing nothing.

“where the hell are you?” he asked, turning on the light and seeing a lump under the comfort, the bed softly shaking as you attempted to stop crying.

Bakugou sighed, heart breaking at the sight, feeling mad at himself for yelling at you earlier. he moved towards the bed, flinching as he saw you curl into yourself, pulling the blankets tighter around your body.

“shitty woman, let me in. i’m cuddling you,” he stated matter-of-fact, pulling the blanket out from under your body, wrapping his arms around you and dragging you close to him, a sigh once again leaving his lips.

“why didn’t you come and talk to me?”

“you sounded busy. i didn’t want to bother you,” you admitted, hiccuping as you attempted to catch your breath from crying.

“i know i act like an ass sometimes, but i want, no i need, you to know that you are more important than some stupid paperwork and i absolutely want you to bother me over that. do you understand? don’t come hide in here, i’m here to make you feel better, okay?”

“o-okay,” you cried, turning around and nuzzling your face into his neck, inhaling his caramel scent and instantly calming down.

“i love you, you dumbass, i really love you,” Bakugou admitted, kissing the top of your head and squeezing you tighter, signaling that he was not going to let you leave this bed anytime soon.

Izuku Midoriya

you grabbed the side of the wall, steadying yourself and breathing deeply, preparing to enter the house and face the ever cheery Midoriya. you knew even one ounce of sadness and he would pounce on you like a mother hen and, while that was probably what you needed, that was not what your boyfriend deserved, knowing he has his own stressful days often. you always kissed his scars, ran your fingers through his hair, did everything you could to make him feel good, and you needed to be able to do that today, no matter how you were feeling.

that plan went out the window, however, as you walked into the house, Midoriya instantly walking over to grab your face in his hands and reaching forward to plant a kiss to your lips.

“what’s wrong, my love?” he asked, eyes wide with concern, glassy from trying to hold back his own tears.

“Izuku, it’s nothing, really. how was your day?” you asked, putting on a fake smile, hoping that you would be able to trick him.

“my day was just fine, so don’t worry about me, okay? let me take care of you today.”

you sighed, shoulders sagging as you let go of the brave face, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Izuku led you into the kitchen and helped you sit down, bringing you a cup of water and some food, watching to make sure you ate and drank something. once you were done and dishes were in the sink, he brought you into the bathroom, setting up a warm bath for you and leaving you to relax.

when you padded into the bedroom, adorned in a fluffy robe and silky pjs, Midoriya had soft music playing, sweet smelling candles and thick blankets all set up. he sat at the side of the bed, eyes hopeful and pleading, arms outstretched as he silently asked you to join him. you melted into his arms, limbs meshing together as you found a comfy cuddling position, a huff leaving your lips as you finally relaxed.

“thank you ‘Zuku,” you whispered into his chest, squeezing him tightly in a hug.

“you do so much for me (y/n), i wish i could repay you for everything you have ever done. i will go to the ends of the earth just to make you happy. i love you so much.”

Shouto Todoroki

you sighed, tension gripping your body, stiffly moving to the couch and sitting down next to Todoroki in the living room with a huff.

“what’s wrong?” he asked simply, turning so he sat cross legged on the couch, motioning for you to move and join him.

when you were resituated, you sighed once more, going into detail about everything you were feeling. you didn’t hold back on any detail, tears coming and going, a wide range of emotions flitting between your face, from sadness, to anger, to confusion, to defeat. through it all, Todoroki sat and listened, eyes never leaving yours, hands gripping your own, soothing circles being rubbed into them with his thumbs.

when you were done, he removed one of his hands from your lap and wiped your tears away, finally cupping your face and leaning in for a long and soft kiss, bringing your breathing down to a normal pace, your heart racing from love, not anxiety.

“what can i do to help you?” he asked once he pulled away, his hand staying on your cheek, other squeezing your hand in encouragement.

you blinked once, twice, three times. your brain simply couldn’t process the fact that you had such a wonderfully loving person in your life who just wanted to take care of you and help you.

“you’ve done so much just by listening. can we just eat and relax tonight? i know you’re really busy and if…” you began rambling, being cut off once again by a pair of lips on your own.

he pulled away, eyes twinkling in mischief. “i’ll order your favorite food and we’ll stay in tonight and eat on the couch. you can keep talking to me about your feelings all night if you want. i’m here for you and i’m going to make sure you feel better. don’t worry about my schedule. nothing is more important than making you feel better right now.”

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maybedefinitely404 · 4 years

Text

Day 22: Dukexiety

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 22: When you close your eyes, you can see what your soulmate sees.

Content warnings: Sleep deprivation/what could be considered insomnia, food mentions, energy drinks, parental abuse, drunk abuse, mentioned anxiety attack, physical altercation, dissociating, school security, maybe PTSD?

Word count: 3.5k

For as long as Remus could remember, he’d hated sleeping.

At some points it got so bad he couldn’t function. Falling asleep at the breakfast table before violently jolting awake, asking his mother or teacher to repeat things four or five times until it finally clicked that they were asking if he was okay, staring off into space for what felt like a couple minutes, only to learn that it was several hours later and he’d missed dinner. Roman had gotten used to his twin’s habit of losing sleep, and although it never ceased to worry him, it became more of a given thing that if Remus forgot to do his chores, it was (most of the time) an accident. He’d walk into their shared room and snap his fingers in his face a few times, ask if he wanted dinner until Remus finally understood, and then help him stumble downstairs.

It was also a given in their family that if Remus ever did fall asleep, whether in his own bed, or on the couch, or outside in the backyard, never wake him up. He so rarely got any rest whatsoever that the seldom times he was able to conk out, it wasn’t uncommon for him to be down for over twenty hours. In those cases, their parents would silently close all the curtains and shut off the lights if he was indoors, or cover him with their deck umbrella and lay a blanket on him if he was outside, and make it law to not disturb him. He’d miss school, it was fine, just let him sleep.

And it was all because of his soulmate.

Because it wasn’t so much the act of sleeping in itself that he hated. No, the times he actually got deeper than the REM phase, when he was actually out, it was amazing. Blissful and relaxing and made him so hyper aware when he finally woke up. Like the colors were no longer dim and words made sense the first time they were uttered. It was the actual act of falling asleep, when he had to close his eyes but was still fully conscious, that he hated.

He didn’t have a proper idea who his soulmate actually was. Every time he closed his eyes and their vision fused, when he saw everything his soulmate saw from their perspective, they never seemed to be around a mirror. That would have made life a whole lot easier, if he only knew what it was. Then at least he’d have a chance to save them.

It started when he was little, when their soulbond was just forming. Back then, it was still shaky and glitchy, sometimes showing what his soulmate was seeing, and sometimes just showing the blackness of his eyelid. He saw grassy fields of a park that he couldn’t identify, a dimly lit bedroom with toys scattered on the floor, the night sky from a window that wasn’t his. But then it morphed; playgrounds becoming littered liquor bottles on the floor of an unkempt living room, dark lego-covered carpet evolving from something once played upon to something his soulmate was thrown harshly onto, the view of the stars suddenly filled with the face of a screaming man. The man.

Remus had no idea who the man was, but he knew his face well. He knew every fury filled expression on his drunken face, the way his nose wrinkled in disgust, how his mouth twisted and contorted as he screamed. Their ears weren’t connected, so he couldn’t tell what the man was saying, but it was punctuated with flying fists and hands gripping collars, thrown beer bottles and pushes to the ground. It didn’t happen every time he closed his eyes, but it had happened enough for Remus to suddenly jerk awake the moment their vision was shared out of pure panic. It happened enough that if his mother reached up to adjust his hoodie strings, he’d flinch violently, or when Roman snuck up on him just a little too quietly, his hands would fly over his face to protect himself. He wouldn’t develop bruises, or take the undoubtedly cruel things the man said to heart, but he was still affected. If he tried to sleep, and the man appeared in his sight, he’d bury his face in his arms, eyes wide and staring at his pajama pants, knowing what was happening to his soulmate however far away they were and he was unable to do anything to help. At least he could open his eyes and be free of the horrors. It was only in the rare instances when he’d close his eyes and his soulmate was already asleep, revealing nothing but the black void behind his eyelids, that he could actually sleep.

When Roman awoke that morning, he blinked his bleary eyes and turned to the other bed in the room, sighing when Remus’ bloodshot eyes met his from where he was curled against the wall, blanket wrapped around his shoulders. The bags under his eyes had worsened more than they had before. If he was counting right, this was the third night in a row that Remus hadn’t slept at all. The last time he’d slept had been days ago, and only been for a couple hours before he awoke with a sob.

“Are you okay?”

In a move unlike Remus, he shook his head no. He rarely admitted that he wasn’t fine, but it was getting to that point of almost mania where his eyes glazed over every couple minutes, hands constantly shaking, unaware of anything around him.

“You probably shouldn’t go to school today.”

“It’s f’ne,” Remus mumbled, hitting his head into his arms, “T’st in Engl’sh. Gotta go.”

“It’s not like you to care about school.” Roman threw his blankets off, noticing the way Remus flinched at the sudden movement, and began to change out of his pajamas.

“S’nior year. Failing Engl’sh. Ac’demic probation.”

“Ah,” Roman hummed, gingerly placing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie in front of Remus. “Is English your first class?”

“Mmhm.”

“How about I drive you back home after your test?”

Remus had zoned out, staring blankly at the clothes in front of him, so Roman took that as a yes. As much as he hated letting Remus go to school when he was like this, he knew that if he didn’t drive him, Remus would find a way to go by himself and probably accidentally walk into the highway or something.

By the time Remus zoned back into the real world, Roman had left the room. Lethargically, he changed into the lazy outfit Roman had placed in front of him and pushed himself off the bed, debating if he had the energy to brush his teeth or not. Just as he was considering just pouring the toothpaste into his mouth and gurgling it, Roman walked into the bathroom with an open can of Monster.

“I have a stash in the basement so Mom doesn’t find them. Keep it down low and don’t take them, or I’ll cut you off.”

Remus didn’t even realize he’d grabbed the energy drink until he had half finished chugging the can, almost sighing at the immediate burst of adrenaline.

“Hell yeah.”

“Get ready and be downstairs in twenty minutes or I’m leaving without you.”

It was an empty threat, they both knew it, but Remus rolled his eyes anyways and set about to brushing his teeth, pulling out his phone to check the time. There was a barrage of missed messages and notifications that he hadn’t been able to care about after sleepless night number two, so he sent back explanations to the people who’d questioned his disappearance and gotten up to date on what he’d missed on social media.

He stumbled downstairs as Roman was opening the front door, offering him a bagel silently. Their parents were both at work already, so they locked the door and got into Roman’s car. Remus wasn’t allowed to get his license, not when there was a solid chance that he’d fall asleep behind the wheel.

“I’m driving you home after English, capiche?”

“I’d probably skip after the test either way.” His hands twitched against his bouncing legs, still unbearably exhausted but now with his heart beating at a rabbit’s pace.

“You are not walking.”

“Yes, mom.”

Roman let out a tired sigh, leaving the drive quiet except for the soft sounds of the radio hosts. When they pulled into the school lot, minutes before the bell, Remus was getting out of the car before it had stopped all the way.

“Meet me in the main office after first period, dipshit!” Roman yelled as Remus disappeared into the building, flipping him off and letting the doors close behind him just as Roman shouted something else. Whatever.

While caffeine was perhaps his most helpful crutch in this nightmare that was living, it had side effects. As soon as his test paper was down before him, his mind completely blanked of every word he’d ever heard in his entire life. Though, in all fairness, that also probably would have happened without the energy drink. He was so used to barely sleeping that it had become a norm to him, but it wasn’t a healthy way to live, so even if he’d learned how to function on twelve hours of sleep a week (on good weeks), his brain hadn’t quite caught on.

The instructions for the test wavered and throbbed before him as he blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to banish the blurriness from his sight. He could barely hold a pencil in his shaking hands, his thoughts somehow flying at the speed of light and equally as stuck and lethargic. Pretty much how he felt.

“Remus?”

His head flew up, his unruly bangs flopping into his eye. Since when did he need a haircut?

“I’ve been calling you for a few minutes now,” His teacher said quietly. Although they were trying to hide it, he could see his classmates glancing at him from the corners of their eyes, “Are you alright?”

As if perfectly on cue, he could feel his mind zoning out again, vision going blurry as his thoughts disappeared. Vaguely, he could feel a gentle hand on his arm slowly lifting him to his feet, a voice giving a foggy command to the class, and then he was led out of the room, the painfully bright hallway lights blinding him. It also brought him back to the present, ever so slightly, as he was taken down the hall to the main office. In the back of his mind, he was grateful for it, because this was where Roman would pick him up. Did this mean he was going home now? Was the test over?

“-last time he slept. He keeps zoning out. I think it would be best if he went home and retook the test another time.”

Hm? He blinked hard, until his eyeballs hurt, to try and get the gears in his brain to start working again. The teacher was talking to one of the secretaries, and they both kept looking to him in concern.

“Can I call someone to come pick you up, Remus?” The secretary asked, already flipping through her contacts book.

“His brother also goes here, and can probably take him home. Would be easiest,” The teacher cut in before the question had even fully settled in Remus’ mind, and he internally cheered. At least that was settled. And by the sounds of it, he could do his test another time, which was a huge weight off his shoulders. He didn’t have, nor desire, Roman’s perfect grades, but he at least wanted to graduate.

“I’ll get him excused from class. Thanks for bringing him by.”

Remus blinked again and realized the teacher had left, leaving him wavering in the middle of the office in front of a very worried secretary. She was saying something, her mouth was moving, but the words didn’t compute. However when she gestured to a dimly lit backroom, he got the message and stumbled in, nearly collapsing on the small cot in relief. The door was closed nearly all the way, leaving just a crack of light shining through.

As much as a nice break the darkness was, it just made his eyes want to close farther, and took twice as much effort to keep them open. Pulling at the skin in the corners of his eyes, he reluctantly sat up and focused his stares on the miscellaneous anatomy posters on the wall.

That was when his gaze fell to the hunched form in the corner, staring at him with dark glistening eyes, and he nearly fell off the cot.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” He yelped. The figure flinched back, curling more into the chair they were perched on.

“Sorry. She told you I was here when she brought you in. Didn’t you hear her?”

“In all honesty, no. I didn’t.” The two kept at their staring contest for longer than necessary, before Remus decided to break the silence, “So, what are you in for?”

For a good minute, he didn’t think he would get a response. The guy kept staring back at him, like he was trying to size him up, before he muttered, “Anxiety attack in class. Teacher forbade me from staying here.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Yeah, well…” He finally broke the eye contact, staring down the nails he was picking at. “What about you?”

“Haven’t slept in three days, I think. Maybe four? I was all zone-y during a test so the teacher said I had to go home.”

“Damn teachers and their sudden respect for mental health.”

Remus snorted, resting his head against the wall. “Why’d you have a panic attack?”

“None of your business. Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

“Soulmate stuff,” Remus answered easily, not put off by the other’s suddenly annoyed tone. It wasn’t common to be unable to sleep due to a soulmate issue, whether it was trauma or another issue entirely, but it wasn’t unheard of either.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, it sucks. Still don’t wanna tell me why yo-?”

“No.”

“I accept your rejection and will now take my leave to cry in the bathroom stall.”

The other boy actually snickered, a reaction Remus had been wishing for but hadn’t dreamed to expect. He waved a hand dismissively. “I hope you have a good cry.”

“Aw, thanks,” Remus cooed, leaning forward on his hands. “I haven’t seen you around. What’s your name?”

“Virgil. Only moved here recently.”

“How recent is recent?”

“Couple months.”

“Ah. I’m Remus. School disgrace, nice to meet you.”

“Oh boy, befriending the wrong crowd already.”

“I would be offended if you weren’t correct,” Remus grinned, hitting his baggy eyes a couple times with his fists.

“Virgil?” The nurse poked her head through the door, squinting in the low light, “Your dad’s here.”

Virgil stiffened immediately, casting Remus a look he didn’t quite understand before getting to his feet, pulling his bag onto his shoulder. She smiled at him and opened the door wider, gesturing for him to exit.

That’s when Remus saw him.

Him.

It took him a moment to understand that yes, his eyes were open, and yes, this was the man from his shared vision with his soulmate. 100% him, the same dark eyes and half grimace, except now wearing a pristine three piece suit that very much didn’t match his memories of him. He was signing a sheet, presumably to ensure that he’d picked Virgil up, and didn’t notice as his son stood frozen in the doorway, watching him with fear filled eyes.

Remus jumped to his feet, stepping next to Virgil.

“That’s your dad?”

Virgil let out a choked hum, one that was probably meant to be an affirmation, before gripping the strap of his backpack. “Why?”

“I’m your soulmate,” He said with absolutely zero tact, and the way Virgil’s face paled was enough indication that he’d understood. He gently laid a hand on the shorter’s shoulder, a silent indication to ‘stay here’, and marched towards the man at the desk.

“Can I just say one thing?”

He looked up, surprised, and gave Remus a once over. His stomach twisted, being under the man’s gaze, the person who had made it impossible for him to sleep, now in front of him. Eye to eye, he appreciated, because in all the times he’d seen him second hand, he’d towered over him. Now they were the same height, and that brought a sick joy to him.

“I suppose?” The man asked, voice as calm and professional as his suit, looking to the secretary with an almost laugh.

“With all due respect,” Remus snarled, hand curling into a fist, “Fuck you.”

And then he hit him. Hard. All his pent up anger, years of watching his soulmate get beaten to a pulp, losing sleep until he was a zombie of himself, panic attacks of pure worry and fear, flew out in one punch, hitting him square in the nose and sending him stumbling back.

The secretary yelled something he didn’t hear over the blood pounding in his ears, and suddenly two arms were wrapped around his waist.

“Let me the fuck at him!” Remus screamed, fighting against the grip with everything he had. The man was on the ground, staring up at him with equal parts horror and pure rage, dabbing at his bleeding nose.

“Remus, breathe. Just calm down, you’re okay. Just breathe,” A shockingly calm voice whispered in his ear, and he immediately sagged against his brother, the restraining arms becoming supporting.

“That’s him,” He said weakly, pulling away so he could turn to Roman, “That’s him.”

Roman furrowed his brow for a moment, looking between his twin and the man on the floor, before his eyes widened. He knew all of Remus’ stories, being the one a young Remus would come to when the visions got so bad he’d break down, listening to his rants about the abusive guardian of his soulmate.

“Call the police,” He deadpanned, turning his glare to the secretary.

“I don’t think Remus-”

“Not for Remus, for him!”

A gasping breath caught everyone’s attention and the focus shifted to the boy still standing on the doorway, his expression one of absolute terror, staring at his father. Remus broke completely away from his brother to cross to him just as the office door slammed open, two security guards-- the secretary had probably called them at the first punch-- taking in the scene before them. He could vaguely hear Roman explaining the situation, glad that he didn’t have to justify anything because he would most likely just end up throwing hands again.

Virgil watched him approach, almost cowering in on himself, as Remus extended a hand.

“Let’s get out of here. You’re not going back with him.”

It took the shorter boy a second, a nervous glance between his earnest eyes and the outstretched hand, before he took it in his own. Remus let a relieved smile take over, interlocking their fingers and leading him past the scene. As he passed a still talking Roman, he swiped the car keys from his pocket with no one any wiser.

“He’ll notice eventually,” He stage-whispered as they exited the large double doors, making their way through the parking lot. “I can’t drive, but we might as well sit in the car until Roman’s done.”

Virgil was quiet, allowing himself to be led through the rows of parked cars before Remus stopped, unlocking the doors and sliding into the backseat, pulling his soulmate in after him. There was a blanket tucked under the front seat and he yanked it out, unfolding it as well he could in the cramped space.

The shorter boy was shaking violently, trying to hide his hands and now bleeding fingernails in his hoodie sleeves. Remus, for maybe the first time in his life, opened his arms for a hug, and was genuinely shocked by how fast Virgil lunged into his grip. He didn’t have many soft spots, but he could make one for his soulmate.

“You’re not going back to him. Over my dead body. We’ll figure everything out later, but for now-” He shuffled backwards, leaning his head on the window so Virgil was basically laying on top of him, “I don’t know about you, but I have about a million hours of sleep to catch up on, so I’m going to catch a cat nap before Roman’s done.”

“It’s been a long day.”

“And it’s not even noon,” Remus snickered, maneuvering the blanket so it covered them both.

He closed his eyes, and for a split second, all he saw was himself, from a lower angle. It was disorienting to say the least, but before he could comment, the world was engulfed in black as Virgil closed his eyes as well.

And for the first time in… who knows how long, Remus wasn’t afraid to sleep.

#lywrites #tsshipmonth2020 #dukexiety #creativitwins #remus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides #sanderssides #sanderssidesfanfiction #ts soulmate au

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cheri-cheri · 3 years

Text

[L&N] Jesse’s Main Storyline - Reunion

🍒 Warning: Contains detailed spoilers from Chapter 8 of the main storyline of Light and Night 🍒

Previous section: here

He’s Jesse? But the youth who was with me that day-

Staring blankly at the clean and clear face, my heart thumps heavily. That’s right. Those eyes are stubborn and bright.

Jesse: There’s something unique about MC’s designs. She likes drawing four-sided stars. You could compare it with her earlier drafts. It’d be clear at a glance who copied whom.

But this is a little secret between me and my grandmother. No one else would-

I’m in a daze. I’m basically a dummy.

One other person knows about it. Someone who was almost forgotten with time.

I stare at him in disbelief, and have the illusion that this is a game of hide-and-seek which has been going on for seven years.

This instance is akin to a movie scene. The years accelerate in reverse, each frame filled with memories engraved on my heart.

Him at 13 years old: What kind of adults do you think we’d become next time? I really want to travel to the future and have a look.

Him at 11 years old: Since you gave me Chinese tuition, I’ll reluctantly go to the same junior high school as you and teach you math.

Him at 8 years old: Next time, I’m going to be an outstanding person. Outstanding people will have lots of money, and I can afford to buy everything you want to eat!

MC at 7 years old: Hey, why are you squatting on the floor with mud on your face?

Him at 5 years old: [crying] T-they threw mud at me. They said I’m a fatty, and that fatties are most useless...

MC at 7 years old: Don’t be afraid! I’ll wipe it off for you. Next time, just follow me. I’ll protect you! Don’t cry. Real men don’t cry.

Him at 5 years old: Sob sob sob... okay...

MC at 7 years old: What’s your name?

Him at 5 years old: My name is Xia Ming Xing. Xia for 夏天 (“xiao tian” - summer), Ming for 一鸣惊人 (“yi ming jing ren” - amazing the world), and Xing for 星星 (“xing xing” - star)-

MC at 7 years old: What a difficult name. Can I just call you Xing Xing?

Him at 5 years old: That sounds like the relative of monkeys.

[Note] In Chinese, 猩猩 (“xing xing”) is “gorilla”

MC at 7 years old: How about Ming Ming?

Him at 5 years old: The uncle next door is called Ming Ming.

MC at 7 years old: Hm, I’ll call you “Dumpling” then. You look like a dumpling.

Him at 5 years old: Sure, dumplings are so delicious.

MC at 7 years old: Let’s make a pinky promise to always be friends.

Time moves in reverse, and once again returns to the present. I feel as though a gust of wind that was stalled in the past is now coursing between us, blowing away the many years apart.

MC: Dump-

I smile, unable to help myself as I call his name. The moment I say one syllable, he clasps a hand over my mouth.

The composed youth from earlier is now flushed, giving me a pitiful look.

At this moment, Wu You’s face is ghastly pale.

MC: I’m uninterested and have no time to play such games with you. This is a competition, and it has its rules. I can afford to lose and can afford to win. I accept a just contest, but I reject dishonest tricks. There are many more designers, including your sister, who are striving to make even better products. That’s the meaning of designing. I’ve already explained what I had to. I trust that everyone can make their own judgements.

Grabbing Dumpling’s hand, I turn around to leave. Now, there’s something even more important waiting for me.

Feeling the warmth in his palm, the youth’s expression turns from astounded to beaming with happiness.

Jesse: Let’s go.

Pulling him to a place where we won’t be disturbed, I suddenly feel a little speechless.

What should I say? Exchange conventional greetings? Would that be too formal?

But we haven’t seen each other in so many years. It might be awkward to talk about other things.

He seems to realise this as well. He looks at me, dumbfounded and at a loss for what to do.

MC: Erm, Xia Ming Xing, it’s been a long time.

Jesse is taken aback for a moment. Then, he bursts out laughing.

Jesse: Who are you? Why are you calling me by my full name? Give that fierce girl back to me!

He reaches out to pinch my cheeks, his appearance as playful as back then.

MC: Stinky Dumpling. You’re the one who’s fierce. I haven’t asked why-

Before I can finish speaking, I’m pulled into a hug. It’s cosy and tastes of sunlight. The second half of my question melts into his arms.

Jesse: Did you know that it’s been a very, very long time since I heard the name “Dumpling”...

He tightens his grip, burying his head in the crook of my neck.

MC: Dumpling...

Jesse: Mm.

MC: Dumpling Dumpling Dumpling!

Jesse: I’m here.

Jesse: Did she bully you earlier? It’s my fault for arriving too late. She made things difficult for you for such a long time.

His voice brings with it a nasally tone. It’s gentle, like a cup of hot milk gradually flowing into my heart.

MC: Why are you only asking me about that?

Jesse: What else should I ask about? What’s more important than you getting bullied?

MC: I’m fine, thank you.

Unexpectedly, he’s given a fright and blinks incessantly.

Jesse: MC, have you gone silly? You actually thanked me?

MC: ?

Jesse: Aren’t you going to throw me a left hook, then ask where the hell I’ve been these years-

I place my hands on my hips, pretending to be angry.

MC: Why would I ask where the hell you’ve been? Didn’t we know each other just two days ago?

Jesse: What do you mean “two days ago”?! We’ve known each other for 15 years and 9 months!

MC: But why do I recall how a certain person refused to talk to me unless he wore a strawberry headgear?

Jesse: I... I was afraid you’d ignore me once you recognised me. I wanted to meet you again in a more formal setting.

MC: In that case, why did you rush into the room furiously?

Jesse: They were bullying you right under my nose. How could I hold myself back!

Jesse: Don’t be angry, okay?

He shifts closer to me. No matter where my eyes look, he meets them immediately.

Faced with such a pair of pure eyes, my temper dissipates. It’s as though everything in the past has been written off in them.

MC: Shouldn’t you give me an apology before I forgive you?

Jesse: Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry-

He continues on and on, as though he'd continue saying this till the sky turns dark if I don’t get him to stop.

MC: That’s enough, I forgive you.

And with that, a bear hug lunges at me.

I’ve genuinely forgotten if his hugs were this warm during childhood.

Now, these pair of arms are filled with a comforting ease.

There are so many things I want to ask him. I want to ask if he’s been living well, and why he didn't give me a single call.

More than that, I want to ask why he left without saying goodbye.

But when I open my mouth, I swallow the words back down.

He mentioned that he couldn’t see me due to certain reasons. In that case, I’ll ask next time. Anyway, we’ve already reunited, and there’s still a very long time ahead.

MC: All right all right, you can let go now.

Jesse: Hang on. We haven’t seen each other for 7 years. Shouldn’t we make up for what was lost? One hug per year will do. That means seven, each lasting 5 seconds. In total, 35 seconds!

He actually calculated it seriously.

??: Cough.

I hear a cough from behind me, and feel Xia Ming Xing’s body stiffen. He lets go of me reluctantly.

MC: Jiang Lai?

Jiang Lai looks at me awkwardly, then drags Gao Cheng from his hiding place behind her back.

Gao Cheng: We didn’t want to disturb you two.

Jiang Lai: We just wanted to tell you that the producer decided to use your designs.

MC: Really? That’s great!

Jiang Lai’s a tsundere so MC has to take the initiative to ask the three of them to form a team

Jiang Lai and Gao Cheng leave

Jesse: They’ve already left, so why are you still looking? The person you should be looking at is here.

Jesse: Can I send you home? Just like in junior high.

MC: I was clearly the one who brought you home, okay? I sent you safely into your mom’s hands. Little Brat.

Out of habit, I reach out to tousle his hair, but realise I can only reach it by standing on tiptoes since he has grown much taller.

Jesse: Don’t call me Little Brat!

MC: Well, I’m two years older than you.

Jesse: But I’m already taller than you!

The youth lowers his eyes to look at me, his smile dazzling.

Jesse: Let’s go home~

MC: Let me test you. Which bus did we use to take? I moved houses due to work, but I still take the same bus.

Jesse: 102.

MC: How are you still able to remember?

Jesse: Of course I remember everything. I remember things related to you even better than yourself. The bus is here, the bus is here!

He places a hand on my back and we hurry onto the bus.

Although it’s a weekend, the bus is filled with students in uniform. We have no choice but to grip the handles while standing.

Jesse: Do you think they’re attending make-up classes? Isn’t today a Sunday?

MC: Many students have classes over the weekends these days. It’s unlike our time, where we had two days to rest.

Jesse: Wow, that’s great. Sigh. If only we were born a few years later.

MC: Let me off! Why didn’t I know that you were so enthusiastic about learning in the past?

Jesse: I’m enthusiastic about learning now. Is that wrong?

Jesse: Hey, look at that pair-

He points to the last row of the bus. A boy and girl are sitting next to each other, one earpiece in each ear. They aren’t interacting at all, and are staring out of the windows.

The boy would occasionally turn his head and glance at the girl, but will avert his gaze before the girl realises.

Jesse: Don’t they resemble us from back then?

MC: In what way? We were so boisterous.

Jesse: Correction. You hit me one-sidedly.

I shoot him a glare.

Jesse: But they’re still far from us. He wasn’t as handsome as I was back then.

MC: ...

Jesse: Look at them. One hand holding their school bag, the other placed on the seat. At a glance, it’s clear that they want to hold hands but don’t dare to.

MC: They look like junior high students. Where’s your mind wandering off to?

Jesse: These eyes of mine have seen through too many things. Sigh, what dummies! Just shift over slowly and grab it.

MC: You sound as if you’d actually do it.

Jesse: Of course I would. It’s just that I didn’t dare. Otherwise, I’d have-

MC: You’d have what?

He glances at me, then shakes his head, lips tightly sealed.

MC: Boasting again.

The bus suddenly jolts. The boy’s phone tumbles onto the ground, rolling in front of us. Xia Ming Xing picks it up and returns it to them.

Glancing at the tune that’s currently being played, I realise that it’s the male singer I liked most back then.

MC: How nostalgic. I was the same back then, only daring to listen to music on the MP3 after school.

Jesse: I was different. I listened to it in broad daylight in the classroom.

MC: Which is why The Exterminator confiscated it five times.

Jesse: But afterwards, I exchanged it with five exam scripts with full marks.

MC: Show off. Back then, I thought about how the days passed by so slowly. I wondered when I could grow up, because I’d finally be able to do the things I wanted to. I didn’t expect for time to speed by. After becoming an adult, each day passes by so quickly, and I don’t even have time to listen to music. In the blink of an eye, the people around me changed.

Jesse: But some things didn’t change, did they? We became the type of adults we are based on what remained.

MC: What remained for you then?

He no longer speaks, looking at me quietly with a silly smile.

MC: I realised that the frequency of your silly smiles are a little high.

Jesse: I’m looking at what remained for me. If we had gone to the same senior high school, what kind of people would we have become?

MC: You probably wouldn’t have gotten slimmer. After all, you came over to my house every day to freeload on meals.

Jesse: Do you think I can’t tell that you’re being sarcastic?

MC: Hahahaha-

How would we have turned out? I have no idea either.

When I travelled across the ocean after my grandmother’s death in my sophomore year, we would have parted anyway.

MC: Fortunately, we’ve met again now.

An earbud is suddenly stuffed into my ear. An acoustic guitar prelude instantly pulls me back to those youthful years.

I originally thought that I had forgotten the lyrics since a long time ago. But I can still hum “small yellow flower” and “playing on a swing”.

It turns out that the things we thought were forgotten are engraved in our minds, waiting to be awakened.

MC: There’s a similar MP3 in my house, but it’s broken and I need to get it fixed by a servicing shop. Oh yes, why are you listening to this song? Weren’t you distasteful of it in the past?

Jesse: It isn’t bad after listening to it again and again, although it’s still a little lacking as compared to me. In the past, you used to say that I was the God of Singing in your eyes.

MC: Hahahahaha, fine fine, God of Singing. I didn’t expect you to really enter this industry and become a musical actor. It’s miraculous.

Jesse: Miraculous?

MC: When we were younger, there was an essay where we had to write about what we wanted to be when we grew up. You wrote about being a singer who sang for the entire world. Afterwards, your mom saw it and forced you to erase it all off, changing it to a scientist.

Hearing me talk about his embarrassing past, he scratches the back of his head abashedly.

MC: Being able to make your dream come true, especially if it’s a dream which isn’t understood or affirmed, is truly incredible.

Jesse: That’s because I have a secret strength supporting me.

Hearing the music, I suddenly think of the outfit I had designed for him. Perhaps I could add a few more elements related to youth.

Taking out my notebook from my bag quickly, my head suddenly feels dizzy, and my nose bumps against his shoulder.

MC: That hurts!

Jesse: [sighs] ...

He turns his body in resignation, bending his back.

Jesse: Draw while leaning on my back, Miss.

MC: Mm!

The sky gets dark very early in autumn. The evening breeze raises a hue from afar, and leaves rustle from the trees.

The hubbub of voices on the bus and affectionate teasing seem to have been dispersed by the breeze, leaving without a trace. What’s left are the both of us walking home in silence from the bus-stop.

Moonlight leaks from the trees along the roadside, outlining the side of Xia Ming Xing’s face. It’s no longer roundish, and has become a little foreign.

MC: Dumpling, why did you suddenly move away back then?

I have no idea why I suddenly asked this. There was simply a strange feeling that he’d disappear again if I didn’t ask about it.

A twinge of guilt flashes past Xia Ming Xing’s face.

Jesse: Do you still remember the call I gave you on the day I left?

MC: Call? What call?

Jesse: You don’t remember? You picked it up, but hung up after I said a few words.

MC: ...when did I hang up?

Why do I have no impression of this at all?!

MC: What’s going on?

Jesse: Back then, my family was moving. I managed to fight for one week with my parents, wanting to stay behind to finish the competition with you. I didn’t have the guts to tell you because I was afraid you’d be upset if you knew. Afterwards, I summoned my courage and gave you a call. But you weren’t willing to listen to me.

MC: That never happened. Why didn’t I know about this at all...

Jesse: So you never hung up?

He grabs my shoulders, his fingers cold as ice. I can almost feel his body trembling.

Jesse: It wasn’t that you didn’t want to hear from me?!

He asks once more, his tone seeking confirmation.

For a period of time after he left, I refused to hear the name which was equivalent to “betrayal” in my heart. But no one knew that I was secretly looking forward to him returning one day.

At the very least, it could prove that I wasn’t the party who was abandoned.

But why was this the answer? A mistake? A perhaps irretrievable mistake from such a long time in the past?

With this thought, my chest feels suffocated.

MC: So that’s why you didn’t look for me in all these years?

The youth remains silent, orange strands of hair blowing up with the wind.

Jesse: I had my reasons for not contacting you. It had nothing to do with the call. I... just wasn't brave enough.

I suddenly have no idea how to respond to his calm gaze, and I also understand that neither of us were at fault for the parting back then.

MC: Xia Ming Xing.

Jesse: Hm?

MC: Were you the one who put the MP3 into the tin?

Jesse: Mm.

MC: So you put the card in there too.

Jesse: Mm. But I didn’t participate in the competition with you, and couldn’t stay by your side. I don’t seem to have kept any promises.

I shake my head forcefully, eyes already damp.

Jesse: But now, I won’t shirk from it. As long as it’s something I promise you, I’ll definitely do it.

He takes a step towards me. The years have caused the once delicate youth to change entirely, turning into the man in front of me, whose eyes are especially resolute. With such a gaze, I’ll always choose to believe him, no matter what.

After sending me home, he stands in the corridor as he watches me enter, just like in the past.

Five minutes later, a rustling sound comes at the window.

Jesse: MC, open the window!

Opening the window in confusion, the image before me almost causes tears to leave my eyes.

Pink confetti flutters and blooms in the city sky, dancing gently in the clear summer night, akin to that snow which had yet to appear many years ago.

Amidst the pink coloured snow, the youth reveals a bright and hearty smile as he waves at me.

Jesse: You asked if I regretted it. The answer is - I regret it. I regret it very much, and at every single moment. Summer is already over, but why do I feel as though this summer has just begun?

Jesse: Next week, come and watch my performance. This time, it’d be my turn to wait for you.

MC: Mm, I’ll definitely be there!

Only after the snowflakes finish their descent does Xia Ming Xing reluctantly walk home. If he was slightly braver and slightly stronger back then, would the ending to their story be different?

He doesn’t know. It seems that particular rainy day is still before his eyes. It’s late at night, and a figure flashes past at the end of the dim alley.

Jesse: Who’s there!

The surroundings are completely silent. Xia Ming Xing turns his head and looks at the girl’s illuminated window, then quickly chases after that figure.

A crow flaps its wings and flies past at a low altitude. The moss-covered corner is encased by deathly pale moonlight. Xia Ming Xing stops in his footsteps, black blood soaking his shoes.

However, he doesn’t pay any mind to it. His gaze is locked tightly on that figure whose knees are on the ground, bowing devoutly towards the moon.

Jesse: Who are you?

That person turns around slowly. It’s a girl around ten years of age, and she’s small and petite.

Black hair covers her cheeks. She lifts the white candle in her hand, stuffing it into her mouth and chewing on it. The two golden bracelets on her wrist jingle.

Jesse: Her soul has been taken-

The moonlight grows increasingly bright. An indiscernible black spot suddenly appears on the girl’s chest, and the stench of something burning begins to fill the air.

Seeing that the girl is about to bite the tip of her tongue off, a rope flies from his hand, binding and tying the girl up.

The white candle falls to the ground. Xia Ming Xing lifts up two fingers, twisting a charm towards the girl. With a tearing sound, the charm turns into ashes in the air.

Three days later, it’s the day of the final competition of “Upper Hand”

MC is caught in a traffic jam along the way and decides to alight from the taxi halfway through

Sadly, she arrives just as the curtain falls

I hesitate, not knowing if I should approach him.

However, Xiao Ming Xing is already walking towards me. He has changed out of his performance outfit, and is wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans, looking clean and fresh.

Jesse: How was it? I didn’t embarrass you, did I?

I don’t really have the guts to look at him.

MC: I’ll tell you something, but don’t get mad.

Jesse: Every time you said that in the past, nothing good happened.

MC: Really?

Jesse: The first time you said it, you broke my game console.

MC: ...

Jesse: The second time you said it, you cooked me expired cup noodles for supper.

MC: ...

Jesse: The third time-

MC: Enough!

Why do I have such a black record!

Jesse: Go on, I’ve mentally prepared myself.

MC: Actually, I only heard the last five seconds of that song.

Jesse: ...

I can clearly sense that he’s akin to a deflated balloon. His eyebrows, which were arched earlier, droop downwards.

MC: Sorry. I’ll treat you to orange soda and vanilla ice-cream until you’re stuffed, okay!

I lift my hand up, gesturing a vow. Pulling a long face earlier, Xia Ming Xing suddenly bursts into laughter.

Jesse: MC, why can’t I get angry with you?

MC: You’ve forgiven me?

Jesse: I didn’t say that.

MC: But you just said that you can’t get angry with me.

Jesse: If you want me to forgive you, sing a song with me!

MC: ...what?

Before I can react, he grabs my hand and rushes towards the stage.

The youth has a smile which says that he has gotten his way. It’s as if this moment is something he’s been plotting for a very long time.

The moment we step onto the stage, a familiar melody sounds. In an instant, I feel as though I’ve travelled to a lifetime ago.

Jesse: Still remember this song? We named it together - “Portrait of Youth”.

How could I not remember? This was the song we wrote together for the competition back then.

It’s the song that we wanted to clinch the championship with.

It was a song we didn’t get to sing in the end.

In an empty basement, we’d hold our cola cans like microphones, practising till late at night.

We had immaturely mimicked the lyrics we didn’t understand at that age. But many years later, I realise that each line has turned into our story.

It’s as though something in the depths of my body is being awakened. It’s the fervour and anticipation that a youth has for the future, throbbing and pure.

My eyes can’t help but feel warm, and I find myself singing along with him involuntarily.

Portrait of Youth (audio here)

That vanilla ice-cream

Melted in our rainy season

That old piano

“Ding dong ding dong” - is the tapping of the hour hand

Back then, I always loved to tease you

But didn’t allow anyone else to make you cry

You always said that I was a koi

But I was always asking you for tuition before exams

Dragonflies fly past our heads

Our inseparable shadows when we were young walk slowly in our memories

On the bicycle, I’m the only one with sweat like rain

I’m the only one left on the bicycle dripping with sweat

You were long gone from behind me

If the storm didn't block our vision that day

If I knew how to say goodbye that day

The flower petals in the diary

The unwashed roll of film from the camera

They wouldn’t be lonely longings

If the string of the kite didn’t break that day

If I could have been slightly braver that day

The empty pages in the diary

Wouldn’t have been filled with moss

The seven years in which we wandered off can’t be lost.

The lights gather in his eyes, and I'm reflected in them. It has been the case since many years ago.

All the stories seem to have ended with summer, but they begin with summer as well.

Fortunately, summer will always arrive. This unfinished story shall begin on this summer day.

#light and night #and that wraps up Jesse's main storyline~

27 notes · View notes

vendettaparker · 3 years

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Where’s My Love: Chapter 2- A Second Chance [T.H]

Summary: Tom learns what it feels like to watch a flower die; though I suppose a heart that is broken is a heart that was loved. Harrison reminds everyone about the finality of death.

Word Count: 4.7k of pure pain

Warnings: Angst (like the most i’ve ever written; which is saying something), mentions of sex, mentions of alcoholism, depression, cursing, character death, unhealthy grieving, grief in general, very very small mention of/hint to suicide (it’s extremely brief and you might even miss it, but it’s there)

a/n: i lowkey am kinda sorry about how sad this is. i’m just now realizing how sad this series is going to be as a whole (today i came up with a new plot idea and it made me cry just thinking about it so...), anyways, technically you could argue that this has a happy ending, so theres that to look forward to :) also you’re my best friend if you catch the WandaVision reference! reblogs, likes, and feedback is extremely appreciated! this series hasn’t been doing great in the notes department :( i’m still gonna write it obvi, but anything helps with the motivation, thanks <3 ps. thanatos is the god of death

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“Tom,” You smiled up at your husband, eyes shining in the moonlight and heart swelling with love. “We should go home soon. There’s still more to be done tonight.”

Tom smirked and tilted your face up, capturing your soft lips in a heated kiss, tongue slipping in and clashing with yours. He pulled away after a while of savoring your taste, lips pink and swollen, “You’re right, darling. There’s still so much to do tonight.” Tom lips travelled further down to your jawline, where he kissed, nipped, and sucked, leaving a dark pink love bite.

You whimpered and tugged at his unruly curls, bringing his lips closer to your sweet spot. Tom chuckled and littered kisses and marks all up and down your collar bones. You brought his face up to yours and kissed him, practically shoving your mouth onto his in a clash of teeth and tongue.

Tom pulled away and groaned, “You’re gonna be the death of me, love.” His eyes darkened with arousal and you smirked, knowingly.

Your breathing slowed and you giggled, pushing him away gently, “Then we better get to it, lover.”

Tom stood up from where you were both lying, holding a hand out to help you up as well. You placed your hand in his and basked in the warmth of his touch. Something so simple as holding hands was enough to make you feel electric. Bursts of tingles and butterflies filled your body. You felt like you were on fire, burning up with the desire to feel him, touch him, and just love him.

All the while, an evil in the form of Aristaeus watched from the shadows, his disdain growing for Tom by the minute. He watched as Tom held you close, as he seized every opportunity to kiss you. His hatred for the son of Apollo only deepened when he saw how your eyes shone and how your smiled grew in his presence. How perfect you looked and how all the intimacy and love you possessed was now only for Tom. You were only for Tom, and Aristaeus just couldn’t have that.

Watching Tom’s smile and listening to his care-free laugh, he knew that he needed to feel that. He needed the source of that type of happiness.

Aristaeus waited in the shadows for his moment to take what he wanted. Dagger clutched in his hand and blade sharpened, ready for use. The moment he saw you and Tom stand up and begin the journey back to your villa, he knew the time was now.

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With your hand clasped tightly in Tom’s, you began the trek back to the villa you’d purchased for the two of you. You swung your hands up with Tom’s as you both happily made your journey in comfortable silence.

You reveled in the way his hand felt in yours. Warm, encasing your entire being in warmth. It was so simple, just his hand clutching yours, holding your hand and your heart. There are only so many ways to describe love, and his hand in yours said more than any empty words could.

Your peacefulness was interrupted when you heard a shuffling in the wooded area you were walking through. The bush you were passing shook and soon Aristaeus launched out of it, dagger in hand, aimed at Tom. You screamed and Tom pushed you away to keep you away from the evading blow.

Tom dodged the attack, swiftly throwing a punch to the offender's jaw, momentarily stunning him. Tom grabbed your hand, and began running through the woods. You could hear the shouts and curses of Aristaeus behind you, quickly gaining speed on the gravelly road.

In an attempted detour, you ran through the thicket, hoping the thick mixture of branches and thorns would diverge the route of the crazed man chasing you. The thrones pricked at your skin and scratched up your face. Tom was no better, hand slowly loosening up on yours due to the pain of the thrones scrapping up his arms.

“Tom!” You yelped, tripping on a small log. The momentum of the fall ripping your hand from his, leaving his cold. Tom, stressed and frantic, kept running, unaware of the fact that you were no longer behind him.

“Come on (Y/N)! We’re almost home!” Tom yelled back, seeing the light of a clearing just up ahead. Tom jumped through the last few branches, breathing heavily once he reached the other side of the woods. He ended up in a meadow, close to your home. Tom turned around to hug you and make sure you were alright, but you were nowhere to be found.

“Love, we made it! Look, our villa’s right over ther—” Tom cut himself off, realizing he was now alone.

Tom began walking back into the woods, a sharp shot of anxiety ran up his spine. Why wouldn’t she follow me? He thought, is she hurt? Tom continued, his thought quickly being interrupted by a pained scream.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N)!?” Tom ran where he heard the scream and then the whimpers. His heart dropping to his stomach, bile rising. He finally found you, laid out in a pile of daisies, leg purple and bruised, small drops of blood coming from two puncture wounds in your leg.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened, and the snake slithering away from your limp body told Tom all he needed to know.

Aristaeus had fled upon seeing you. He too knew, and he even saw with his own eyes, what had happened. The viper dug in deep and long, the poison immediately taking effect on you.

“(Y/N)? Fuck, darling?” Tom crouched down to your still body. He didn’t want to believe what he was seeing, he didn’t want to believe the pained look in your eyes, or the tears welled up in his. “It’s okay, love. You’re alright. Can you move? Can you get up? Please?”

Tom did his best to help you up, but you were limp, no movement in your entire body, only your eyes showed the fear you were feeling.

“Tom,” you mumbled, tears streaming down your cheeks, “I-I can’t feel anything.” You cried softly, your face almost stoic from the poison coursing through your veins.

“No, no, darling. You can feel me, right?” Tom grabbed your limp hand and squeezed, expecting a squeeze in return. Yet nothing came, your hand remained cold and limp in his.

You choked out a sob, “I can’t feel you.” Tears streamed down the side of your face, soaking the ground beneath your head, leaving small weeds in their wake.

Tom let out a painful whimper at your words. “Darling, it’s okay, we’re okay. Yeah? We’re gonna go home, and then you can lay down and get better, okay? I’ll bring you tea and flowers and Paddy will come over and play chess with you. Doesn’t that sound nice?” Tom’s tears soaked into your now cold skin, momentarily warming it.

“Yeah…” you mumbled softly, tears slowing and breath hitching.

“Yeah, and t-then Sam can come over and bring your favorite meal, o-or maybe a cake? And Harrison can work on your garden, so it won’t be limp when you get better. And I'll serenade you every night, even after you’re well, because I love you. And we’re gonna make it through this, just hold on.”

His words faded in and out, beginning to sound muffled and underwater. Your head tilted to the side, clearly seeing the immeasurable pain etched onto his features. Tom caught your gaze and still, still tried to manage a small, hopeful smile. Deep down Tom knew this was pointless, he knew you wouldn’t ever make it home to see the villa, or the gift he left in the garden. The golden potted plant—an orchid—was now going to be a constant reminder to what he lost. But he could fake it, and fuck, he was going to fake it like it was real.

He would trick himself for the rest of his life until he truly believed you were okay. But he wouldn’t have to wait that long, because sitting there, holding your near lifeless body in his arms, he was ready to believe anything that even remotely implied you were okay.

Just past Tom you could see a figure watching you from the shadows. His suit was black and his white hair was gelled back. He stepped out of the shadows and tapped his foot impatiently, as if waiting for your time to be up. And then it hit you. You knew this man—or rather this god.

“Thanatos…” you whispered, eye’s finally glazing over with lifelessness. The now once bright and vibrant eyes, now dull and empty. A mere shell of what they once were.

“No, no, no!” Tom screamed, his painful wails being heard by the whole town. “No! (Y/N), come back! Please, please, please, please, please…”

You were now standing away, a lonely spectator to the happenings in the woods on this mortal realm.

“Come, child.” Thanatos held his hand out, ready to lead you away.

“But I never got to say goodbye.” Your eyes welled up with tears, seeing Tom frantically shake your body, trying to bring you back to life. “I never got to live my life with him.”

Thanatos gave your shoulder a comforting squeeze, “We must go now. Don’t worry, little one. You will see him again.”

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Tom didn’t move. He didn’t eat, he didn’t sleep. He wished he didn’t even breathe. He sat in the villa and stared at the now dying orchid, limp and sickly, in the golden pot. You never even got to see it, he thought, you would’ve loved it.

All of Tom’s thought’s surrounded you, and how he could no longer hold you. He felt so cold, he found no joy in things he used to. And all he wanted to do was cry. But he couldn’t. He’d cried himself dry over the past three days. Now all he felt was pain, and he couldn’t even ease it with tears.

“Tom,” Harrison snapped him out of his daze, pulling his gaze away from the dying orchid. “It’s time.”

Tom let out a breath, pained and labored. Today was the day. The day your body would be laid to rest. The day that you would truly be lost to him.

“Come on, everyone’s waiting for you.”

Tom groggily pulled himself from the bed. He dressed slowly and carefully, wanting to look his best for the last time he’d see you. Every intake of breath hurt his head, another painful reminder that he was here and you weren’t. He was alive, and you were gone.

The clearing that he once found solace in was cold. The flowers around him were limp and dying, and the world just looked gray. The color was gone from his eyes and all he could think was, it should’ve been me.

Paddy hadn’t spoken a word since he heard of your death. He hardly even looked at Tom, every time he did the young boy would tear up and look away, too embarrassed of his tears to let them be seen. But in the dark, in the comfort of his bed, he cried for you. His first encounter with death, and it had to be you. His heart hurt more than his young mind could comprehend; he could hardly imagine what Tom was feeling.

Harry and Sam were numb. They hardly knew how to feel. They loved you like a sister but only knew you for a few months. Was it appropriate to mourn the loss of someone you only knew for a moment? Was it ignorant to fein a stoic exterior when your sister was gone? In the comfort of each other, the boys mourned. They cried a bit, but mostly tried their best to remember the good times. Harry remembered how you always backed him up in an argument, even against Tom, and how you always expressed how blessed you felt getting to know their family. Sam remembered how you always volunteered to be his test subject for his dishes. How you were always sweet, but honest. You fit so well into their lives, it was almost impossible to imagine you wouldn’t be in them anymore.

Harrison couldn’t believe it, or rather he didn’t want to. He held Tom close, and tried to convince him that everything was okay. He was the rock the group leaned on in any way they could.

He was a rock, and he was cracking. He found himself alone in clearing multiple times, watering the flowers, doing his best to keep them afloat, and yet they still withered away. He tried to feel you there, so he could tell Tom that maybe you weren’t truly gone, but all he felt was the absence of your presence.

Tom looked at the patch of dirt you laid under. He looked at it and all he felt was anger. Anger at Aristaeus for leading you to your death, anger at the viper that sealed your fate, anger at the gods for letting you be taken, and anger at himself for living through it.

The ceremony was short; just him and his brothers, gathered around a patch of dirt, crying.

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Everyone was forced to cope. They all had their tricks to make the pain ease. Paddy would play chess by himself, wishing you were there for him to beat, but mostly remembering how many times you praised his amazing chess skills and made him feel special. Harry and Sam took on the duty of attempting to fix your garden in the clearing. They took shifts watering the plants and picking out the weeds.

Harrison smiled whenever he saw wild daisies. They always reminded him of you, partially for your pure innocence, but also because when you first met him, you gave him a flower crown made out of daisies. The crown was now limp and wilted, but he would treasure it until the day it withered away.

Tom suffered the most, though. He lost not only his soulmate, but his best friend. His coping consisted of copious amounts of alcohol to help him sleep, then he would see you in his dreams, and he’d have to drink more to stop from feeling the constant pit in his stomach growing with each baited breath.

“Tom, this isn’t healthy.” Harrison chided each time he walked into the murky depths of his bedroom; which was at least twice a day to check on the poor boy.

Harrison sat on Tom's bed as Tom laid on his stomach, facing away from him. Tom would grumble, then sniffle and completely ignore the presence of someone new in his room. The bed would be musty, his hair would be in knots, and his eyes would have a constant red rimmed appearance accentuated by the dark circles that resided underneath.

“Tom come on, let’s go for a walk. Sam and Harry fixed up the garden a bit; I think you’d like it.” Harrison shook Tom’s shoulder gently, prompting him to face the blonde.

“It won’t be the same.” Tom mumble, voice hoarse and wobbly.

“I know, but they worked hard on it. They’re grieving too, y’know?”

“Of course I fucking know.” Tom snapped, swatting Harrison’s hand away, “You think I don’t know how much of an impact she had on all of us? You think I don’t hear Paddy crying at night when he thinks he’s alone, or the way he refuses to look at me?”

“Tom—”

“You think I don’t know that this is my fault?” Tom sobbed, burning holes with his harsh gaze into Harrison. “I know, Haz. I know all too well how we’re all grieving.”

Tom broke down, heaving and rambling about how it was his fault, about how helpless you looked, and how broken he was. All Harrison could do was listen.

“She died in my arms, Haz. S-she curled up and just… died.” Tom spoke barely above a whisper, his crying ruining his voice. “She looked so scared and I couldn't help her. I couldn’t save her.”

“I know.” Harrison was crying now too, tears falling from his diamond eyes.

“It was supposed to be me. The attacker was after me. I-I should’ve taken the hit, and then she’d be alive.”

“No, Tom. You don’t know that that would’ve saved her from this fate.” Harrison scolded Tom’s reckless words. “She could’ve died a day later, or minutes later. Life is not a guarantee. Tom.”

“At least we would’ve been together.”

Harrison frowned, “In the underworld? And what type of existence would that have been?”

Some turned away from Harrison, “One where we would at least have each other.”

Harrison softened his gaze and held Tom close before he could protest, “You still have us. I know it’s not what we want right now, but it’s what you need. You can’t go through this alone; I won’t let you.”

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As the weeks went by, Tom’s grief continued to eat away at him. Try all he might, he could never escape you. You were in all of his favorite things. His lyre now laid dusty and cold next to his bed, it hadn’t been touched since your wedding night.

He held it together as long as he could, but it was too much. The pain ripped away at him and ate him up. One day he reached his breaking point. He needed you to come home. He needed you in his arms. Nothing in this mortal world could ever compare to your sweet kisses and loving praises. Nothing would ever satiate him again.

How could this have happened? How could the gods have cursed him this way. He was a good man, he did all that was expected of him. He went above and beyond for his community, for others. He helped find and procure the fleece that placed Jason rightfully on the throne of Iolcus in Thessaly. His music cured lost souls, helped them find solitude and comfort in his songs. He did everything right. And yet the gods mock and torture him by taking you away. Ripping his other half from him, stealing you. The only comfort in his otherwise lonesome life. There’s no need for old age, sickness, or murder to take him away now; his grief will surely get the job done.

“Tom,” Harrison, spoke softly, taking in the man who’s broken soul was starting to shine through to his exterior appearance. His hair matted, eyes red and puffy, knuckles bruised from letting his anger out on the pillars over his home. What was supposed to be your home. Now the clay brick home was cold, your presence no longer there to bring natural warmth. “Tom, come on. You have to keep going.” Harrison put a hand on his friend's shoulder, giving it a hearty squeeze. “She wouldn’t want this for you. She loved you.”

“Then why was she taken from me?” Tom burst, hands flying to his hair, gripping his unruly curls. “Why would the gods allow this pain? I’ve done it all. I was so good, I-I did all that they asked of me.”

“Tom, please just come—”

“No! Harrison, don’t you see? I can’t move on! I can’t think about anything other than what was lost, what I lost. There must be a way to get her back. I’d do anything, just to hold her one more time. To love her, like it’s all I was put here on this Earth to do.” Tom pushed Harrison’s hand away. “Help me. Please, find a way.”

Harrison sighed sadly, rubbing his face with his hands. Tom, the most deserving person of his happy ending had it ripped from him, and there was nothing that could be done. Almost as if it was fate, there were no loopholes. Expect maybe—no. It was too risky. The god of the underworld was not a merciful man.

“Harrison? You have something?” Tom looked at his friend, a glint of barely visible hope in his eyes, the type that only the thought of you could bring. The look on Harrison’s face clearly showed that the gears in his head were turning. This look always brought about Harrison’s best ideas, or in this case, his only one.

“I— well, it’s not plausible.” Harrison debated. “You’d need your father’s help, and even so,” he whispered the last part “you’d need to go to the Underworld and bargain with Hades.”

Tom looked at his friend in shock? How could this be the only plan he’s come up with? A plan that would surely get Tom killed, or worse, turned into a lost soul. “What? No, no— there has to be another way. There are other gods—more merciful— who would help us.”

Harrison shook his head, “I’m sorry, Tom. But death? That’s final. The only god with the power to bring (Y/N) back is Hades. And he always has a price.”

Tom debated his options, one being the clear winner. He knew he couldn’t go on without you, he wasn’t strong enough. If he were less selfish then maybe he’d find a way to find joy again. But he needed you more than he needed the air in his lungs. He didn’t care if he was being selfish, trying to bring you back to a world that had just gotten used to life without you. He spent his whole life being selfless, helping others. It was time to get what he was due, what he was owed: His happy ending.

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Tom paced and pondered, his restless mind a futile assistance in this matter. His thoughts only focused on you and how to bring you home. In the beginning, he took into account all of the risks he’d be taking going to the underworld and bringing you back. He’d need to enlist the help of his father, to persuade Hades to listen to his pleas. He’d need to safely get in and out of the Underworld with you entow, and the hardest part of all; he’d need Hades permission for you to come home.

It was not that Hades was cruel or unjust; he was just simply too fair. Death is final and Hades followed that order to a tee. He scarcely made exceptions and when he did there was always a price that needed to be paid. Usually, that price was worth the life of the soul being returned, a hefty sum.

Tom hardly worked out the intricacies of his plan before Harrison caught him, bag packed and determination scrawled across his face.

“Tom, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Harrison chided, standing in between Tom and the doorway.

“I’m getting her back, Haz. I need her home. You guys may be able to move on and be okay, but I can’t. She meant more to me than any of you will ever know.”

“You’re gonna get yourself killed, Tom.” Harrison spoke in a hushed whisper as to not alert the others to what was going on, “What happens then, huh? How do you think we will feel then? We already lost (Y/N), Tom; we can’t afford to lose you too.”

Tom’s eyes glistened with frustration and unshed tears, “but I’m not complete without her…” he whispered, sniffling. “I have to do what I can.”

“No, Tom. I’ve let this go on long enough.” Harrison spoke sternly, “You have to move on. I’m sorry because I know it’s not fair. I know that this shouldn’t have happened. It broke all of us. But you need to come back to us, okay? You need to move on with your life. Paddy is thirteen, Tom. He has no father-figure, he needs you. Harry and Sam have been by your side since they were babies, they need you. And you're my best friend, I need you. You don’t get to walk out on us because of your pain, because we never walked out on you. We were hurting, yet we stayed by your side. You need to do the same for us.” Harrison gave Tom a tightlipped smile, “Please, Tom. Just try.”

Tom had never seen such anguish in Harrison's eyes. He knew him and his brothers had also been struggling and he knew he was being selfish. He needed to do better.

“Okay,” Tom choked out, tears streaming down his cheeks, “I’ll try.” Tom placed his bag down on the floor and sat on the bed. He placed his face in his hands and sniffled out sobs. It was time for him to let you go.

Harrison left Tom alone in his dark room, shaking with anger. Once again the anger had returned, tenfold. Tom just wished he’d held your hand tighter, maybe then he’d be in your arms right now. Instead he was alone in his room, mind clouded with guilt and exhaustion.

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“Tom.” Your voice whispered in his ear, taunting him. Reminding him of what he lost. What he couldn’t save. The only one he couldn't save. The only one he needed to save.

“I’m right here, Tommy.” You never ceased. You constantly called to him as he tried his best to put his tortuous thoughts to rest. You stood over him, eyes wide in fear. You watched him, and you whispered.

“Tommy, why couldn’t you save me?”

You broke his heart all over again every night.

He sat up in his bed, body wet with sweat and eyes clouded with tears.

“(Y/N). Please, darling,” he begged, “I tried, please, I’m still trying.” You walked over and stood right above him, face inches apart. It was almost as if he could smell the sweet scent of flowers on you. The orchids and daisies you loved so much wafting over him, calming him. Until your cold, dead grip latched onto his shoulder.

“You failed, my love.”

Tom woke with a start, screaming and crying into the empty abyss of his room. You were nowhere to be found. He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed you back. You needed to come home and never leave his side ever again. If he had to spend one more day without you, he’d lose it. He’d become the monster he felt like on the inside. All the dark, twisty despair holed up in his heart would rush out in acts of unchecked rage and violence. He was never the villain, but he would be.

He couldn’t follow through with his promise to Harrison. He couldn't just move on and pretend that life made any sense without you, because it didn’t. Nothing made sense, and everything hurt.

Zeus created humans to have another half, and they would spend the rest of their lives if they had to, searching for it. You were Tom’s, and you were ripped away from him. That just won’t do.

He couldn’t spend another night lying awake, thoughts ripping apart his mind. He couldn’t sleep either, or else he’d see you. See what you’ve become. A ghost of happier times. A reminder of what never was and never will be. A figment of his ill fated mind.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

The next morning, Paddy went into Tom’s room to bring him breakfast, as usual. It’s been months since he’s eaten with his brothers, and the new normal was one of them toughing it out and giving him his food in his room, then listening to his cries form outside the door for a moment, just to gauge if he was getting better; he never was.

Paddy was about to knock but paused before, gently pressing his ear up against the door. He didn’t hear crying like he usually did, he didn’t even hear sniffles.

Paddy hesitantly opened the door, afraid of what he might find. The silence was all too scary for the young boy. Once the door was fully opened Paddy got a good look around, not seeing Tom anywhere.

Paddy dropped the bowl of food on the floor and ran for Harrison.

“Harrison! Harrison! Sam! Harry! Anyone!” Paddy yelled out, running around the garden looking for the boys. He slammed into Harrison, who was just on his way to the garden.

The force knocked the wind out of a crying Paddy and slammed him into the ground.

“Woah,” Harrison breathed out, bending down to help Paddy up. Paddy gasped to catch his breath and attempted to stop the tears.

“What happened, kid?” Harrison rubbed his bruised back, “Come on, Paddy, breathe.”

“G-Gone…” Paddy wheezed out, “Tom’s gone.”

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tags and moots: @justapurrcat @itsapeterthing @peterbenjiparker @kelieah @portraitoforion @ptersmj @princessofguineapigs @cherrytholland @waitimcomingtoo @rosyparkers @iovebug @hollandcrush @celestialbarnes @blissfulparker @starktonyx @asonofpeter @keithseabrook27 @devildisguiseasangel @felicityparkers @selfcarecap

#tom holland #tom holland au #tom holland series #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland angst #tom holland x y/n #tom holland fluff #greek mythology fic #orpheus and eurydice

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