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#I mean I'm not that bad but also not That Good if that makes sense
nartml · 2 days
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To Pimp a Butterfly and 1989: a rant
Listen here, three things about me are that I'm a) white as snow, b) Greek, c) still a minor.
What does this mean? It means that I obviously wasn't raised with hip-hop, and I got into Kendrick Lamar's music pretty late.
As in, early this year.
I've known of him for some time, and the moment I found out he had a Pulitzer prize at some point in late-ish 2023, I decided I had to sit my ass down and pull out Spotify.
Now, as an avid reader of both fanfiction (ao3 raised me) and books [I feel the immense need to clarify that I don't associate myself with mainstream booktok. Capitalism's consumerism has overrun that shit and all I see are the same 20 books being recycled and recommended (a substantial amount of those are Colleen Hoover and her variants). Tropes and spice* are officially the defining factors of whether a book is worth it (*your porn addiction ain't cute) and quantity is heavily prioritized at the expense of quality. Also, diversity who?], I was, for a lack of a better word, hyped.
A Pulitzer prize is nothing to scoff at in general, more so in music, more so in hip-hop.
(Edit: Upon quick reflection, I realize that putting emphasis on hip-hop can come across as coded.
I am in no way, shape, or form trying to undermine hip-hop or say that it's somehow less 'sophisticated' than, for example, classical music. I'm very aware of the amount of skill and technique one needs to write a masterful hip-hop album, and I'm not doubting that there are hip-hop artists out there who are also incredibly deserving of such a prize. I meant it in the sense that I've unfortunately never heard of another hip-hop artist who won a Pulitzer before, which is quite telling.)
That's some huge shit, and I'd be a fool not to be intrigued.
Admittedly, I didn't get on that immediately. For a while I procrastinated, because I wasn't in the mood to hyper-fixate on anything new just yet.
Which of course meant I ended up forgetting about it for a few months, because of course I did.
But then I came across a TikTok that talked about how it was insane that '1989' won the Grammy when To Pimp a Butterfly was right there.
Now, a fourth thing about me is that I don't fuck with Taylor Swift.
And a fifth thing about me is that I'm not baseless in anything that I do, say or feel, and that includes annoyance.
Her immature understanding of activism and feminism leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The way she built up her fan base around this portrayal of her as a relatable girl's girl, her refusal to accept criticism, and always making a victim out of herself (even now when she's in her thirties and is a fucking billionaire) while never using her position of power and privilege for good are all reasons that serve to fuel my dispassionate dislike.
And before any Swifties get on my ass, no, I don't think that "But she's a singer! Why are you expecting so much out of her, she isn't even qualified to speak on XYZ—" is a good enough excuse.
She has always been rich, and now she's a billionaire. There are no ethical billionaires, and that includes her.
Fame is influence is power. Uncle Ben said it all: With great power comes great responsibility.
And let me tell you, I don't see her owning up to that responsibility, especially after all that talk about how she supports women, supports the LGBTQ community, and supports the BLM movement. Has she ever actually put her abundant money where her mouth is?
I've never seen her speak about anything that doesn't immediately concern her.
Don't get me wrong. She's not the only celebrity like this out there. I'm sure there are worse cases. I know it for a fact.
To wrap this segment up before I get even more sidetracked, I'll outright state that I don't hate her, because hating her would by definition mean that I, in some way, actually care about her, and that just sounds exhausting.
Best way to describe me is indifferent, leaning towards distasteful.
She's annoying.
And that's how I feel about both her as a person and her as an artist.
I'm not denying her talent, nor her impact on the industry, nor the fact that she does have good songs that even I like.
A select few, of course, but still.
Apart from those...what? Ten songs? I have never, ever been able to listen to any other song of her's all the way through.
I get bored. They do nothing for me. They sound empty. Hollow. Plastic. Repetitive.
Her lyrics, that are praised by fans for being deep and complex, sound pretty surface level to me.
Not all of them. But I'm a sucker for analysis. A literature nerd. Greek is my native language. I can tell when something's deep and when something wants to be deep.
(Not necessarily including Folklore and Evermore in that category. Her storytelling ability is actually great.)
Her music largely sounds like it wants to be deep.
Most recent example being her latest release, The Tortured Poets Department.
Anyway, back to Kendrick.
My initial plan was to listen to 'DAMN.' first, because that's what he won the Pulitzer for in the first place.
There was a change of plans after that TikTok.
I decided to compare the opening tacks.
I put on Welcome to New York, and predictably, I felt nothing.
The rhythm is dance-y, I suppose. But there's nothing substantial about it. There's nothing exciting about it.
The lyrics are juvenile, and I get it, it's a pop song and she was in her twenties.
Nobody is expecting Shakespeare (no matter how much you scream or kick your feet, the only reason Shakespeare couldn't write Taylor Swift is because he's in another league entirely) or Odysseus Elytis. Nobody is expecting mind-blowing lyricism.
But it's the opening track to an apparently Grammy-worthy album. The very least I'd expect from it would be some additional levels of artistry.
Am I being harsh? Probably. Do I care? No.
Disappointed but unsurprised, I put on Wesley's Theory.
I ascended within the first minute.
Don't get it twisted, I barely understood shit.
Not only am I white, I am also entirely removed from America and its culture as a whole. I don't know what's going on there in y'all's daily lives.
And this was baby's first proper introduction to hip-hop as a whole.
My untrained, white-ass ear barely caught two references. I got what the gist of the song was about, and that's about it.
I had to look up analyses of the track to fully grasp what Kendrick was on about, and even then, there was obviously still a disconnect.
And I expected all of that.
I didn't expect to get hooked on that song within the first listen.
I swear to fuck, the beat is addictive. I swear to fuck, even when I was fighting to understand what the lyrics were referencing, I was having the time of my life.
Even I, an amateur in every sense of the word, could tell that there was depth and there was quality and there was intentional meaning in every line of that song.
It didn't matter that I couldn't understand it. It mattered that I knew it was there. Not because someone told me that was the case. But because it was audible.
I listened to the next track. And the one after that. And the one after that. I had listened to all of the tracks, before I knew it.
And the evident permeance of quality, of substance, carried on throughout the whole album.
It had exactly the type of lyricism I'd expect a Grammy-worthy album to have. It had exactly the amount of artistry I expected a Grammy-worthy album to have.
Even better, it had all the ingredients I expected a timeless album to have.
The poetry Taylor Swift fans insist hides in her discography, I found in plain sight within Kendrick Lamar's.
After meticulously reading the lyrics, I watched video essay after video essay, searched for analysis after analysis on this album, each time understanding the meanings behind it a little better.
Needless to say that the Grammy's are rigged and I love Kendrick Lamar.
Hip-hop is gorgeous.
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sophieinwonderland · 23 hours
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Debunking Anti(-endo's)Misinfo. AKA: How are anti-endos so bad at sources????
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(The original)
Oh, well good on you for trying to cover everything! Nice of anti-endos to finally start trying to use science to prove their arguments. I'm sure these sources will totally be reliable and will prove your points beyond a shadow of a doubt, and that you won't just be falling flat on your face with every single attempt at basic reading comprehension, and end up repeatedly make a complete fool of yourself.
Let's go!
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Off to a pretty strong start, acknowledging that many endogenic systems don't have DID or OSDD. Sadly, that basic fact is something that seems to escape most anti-endos. So with this in mind, I think it's safe to say the goal of this post is going to be to prove...
You can't possibly have DID without trauma.
You can't possibly have OSDD without trauma.
You can't be a system without DID/OSDD.
Let's read through and see how they'll do at proving their points by the end. I promise you, the results... won't surprise you. 😉
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Well, there goes that strong start.
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The source here is a Carrd and so-called "common sense."
Meanwhile, in the World Health Organization's ICD-11, alters or dissociative identities are described as "distinct personality states." In the same page, it's stated that you can have multiple "distinct personality states" without a disorder.
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This is information from the World Health Organization affirming that you can be plural without a disorder. And I think that prevails over your so-called "common sense."
See also these screenshots from the plurality chapter of Transgender Mental Health, a book published by the American Psychiatric Association:
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Finally, I really want to put a focus on this line of logic: "you cannot have alters without having a disorder, this is common sense as it's not normal to have alters."
Normal has multiple meanings in different contexts. The ICD-11's boundary with normality uses normal to mean "non-pathological." But this post seems to be using "normal" in the lay way to mean "common."
And that makes this particular rhetoric extremely dangerous and harmful to many communities. "If it's not common, it's a mental illness," was the basis for homosexuality and being transgender being listed as mental illnesses. "Most people don't think this way, so there's something wrong with them."
This could also easily be used to pathologize Otherkin and other alterhumans as mentally ill because it's not "normal" to identify as an animal.
The modern World Health Organization and American Psychiatric Association recognize the fact that simply thinking unusually or differently isn't an illness or disorder.
Statements like yours do not exist within a vacuum, but harken back to decades past when any non-typical thinking would have you labeled as having a disorder that needed treated.
Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.
Let's be thankful to live in a world today where our differences aren't considered disorders. And let's not resort to ideologies that threaten to return us to those days past.
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Wait... who suggests this? Who are they? I think I need more info...
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So... "some researchers."
Also, can we talk about how this starts off with "sometimes called multiple personality disorder." I checked to see if this was before the name changed in the ICD (which I believe was 2015) and it doesn't seem to be! Oldest archive I can find is 2020!
Rethink.org is a charity.
These are not peer-reviewed papers.
The page references "some researchers" without names or sources.
I have no idea who authored this or if they're qualified at all in this field.
This is a terrible source. A web page by an anonymous author citing other unnamed authors with no reason to think anyone who wrote this had any idea what they were talking about!
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This says DID is caused by many things, and lists trauma as only one that's included. This doesn't back up the idea DID/OSDD can only be caused by trauma, and suggests the opposite.
Oh, and "it's also known as split personality disorder." 😔
Go home WebMD.
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Usually associated with doesn't mean it's a requirement, and in fact implies that it isn't always.
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"Is associated with." "Can be a response to trauma."
Reiterating that the first two goals here were to prove you can't have DID or OSDD without trauma. And these aren't doing that.
An association doesn't mean there's a causation, and it doesn't mean that association is there in 100% of cases.
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"often develop."
Like with "usually", you wouldn't use the word often if if something always happened. The choice of wording implies you can have dissociative disorders without trauma.
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Are... they messing with us right now???
I swear, you can't have a post that sets out with the goal of disproving the existence of endogenic plurality, and then use quotes that seem to consistently imply there can be other causes for DID and not pick up on that theme!
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Oh, yay! We finally got a quote that's actually trying to argue the point we started with.
But, again, this runs into a similar issue to the ReThink.org one. This is a random independent organization. There is no author for this article. It hasn't undergone peer review like an academic paper would.
There is no evidence the person who wrote this article is actually educated in dissociative disorders.
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And finally back to "usually."
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You must be so proud...
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Source Round-Up
There was a lot here, so let's just recap.
6 out of 8 of these sources only say that DID is "usually" or "often" or "can be" caused by or associated with trauma. These actually imply there are cases where it's NOT caused by trauma, going against the original goals of this post.
Finally, there were two sources, Rethink and Mind.org, which did suggest DID is just caused by trauma, full stop. But both of these are extremely questionable as sources.
Neither named their authors. There's no indication what the review process is for their websites. And "Rethink" merely said this is what "some researchers" believe.
So let's double back to those goals set at the beginning.
You can't possibly have DID without trauma: One source says this, but the reliability of that source is questionable. Another source says some researchers are saying this but doesn't name any researchers or cite those sources. Meanwhile, the other six sources imply that it IS possible for DID to exist without trauma.
You can't possibly have OSDD without trauma: Neither of the two sources that suggest DID can only be caused by trauma mention OSDD at all.
You can't be a system without DID/OSDD: None of the sources suggest you need DID/OSDD to be a system or to be plural.
So far, you've failed to prove you can't be a system without DID or OSDD. You've failed to show you can't have OSDD without trauma. And the case for DID being exclusive to trauma frankly looks weaker than before you started talking.
Incredible work so far!!!
And I mean that in the way that nothing about this is remotely credible!
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Ugh. There is SO much wrong here. First, no sources for their claims about tulpamancy.
Now, tulpamancy draws its name from a Tibetan Buddhist practice called sprul pa.
This is not the same practice though. And the Tibetan Buddhist practice is NOT CALLED TULPAMANCY.
Something which should be obvious to anyone who knows even the most basic facts about language, with the -mancy suffix being derived from Latin. And tulpamancy as a practice generally isn't religious.
From Dr. Samuel Veissiere of McGill University:
The community is primarily divided between so-called psychological and metaphysical explanatory principles. In the psychological community, neuroscience (or folk neuroscience) is the explanation of choice. Tulpas are understood as mental constructs that have achieved sentience. The metaphysical explanation holds that Tulpas are agents of supernatural origins that exist outside the hosts’ minds, and who come to communicate with them. Of 118 respondents queried on the question, 76.5% identified with the psychological explanation, 8.5% with the metaphysical, and 14% with a variety of “other” explanations, such as a mixture of psychological and metaphysical.
When discussing the research into tulpamancy, we're not discussing a religious or spiritual practice that's been validated by psychologists.
We're talking about a primarily psychological practice that's been validated by psychologists.
And as for the DSM quote, it confirms that religious practices aren't a disorder. Cool. But it also implies that religious practices can result in multiple distinct personality states. Hence why they needed that criterion. It's not stated as explicitly in the DSM as in the ICD, but the implication is there, especially when taken together.
Whether you call these "alters" or not is up to you. Most endogenic systems aren't using the word "alter" to describe their headmates.
But regardless of the word, what the research is showing is that there are multiple phenomena which can result in people having multiple self-conscious agents sharing the same body.
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I mean, you've still done a really bad job at showing DID and OSDD form purely from trauma, with many of your sources straight up saying the opposite.
And remember, a lot of mixed origin systems will say that their other headmates aren't caused by or related to their disorder. And there are documented cases of people with DID both having alters associated with DID, and having non-aversive entities they commune with outside of that, as Kluft references in this paper:
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The woman he describes here, who experienced ceding control to another entity who talked through her, would qualify as a mixed origin system in the modern plural community.
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SIX OF YOUR EIGHT SOURCES LEFT THE DOOR OPEN FOR DID TO FORM WITHOUT TRAUMA!
NONE CLAIMED OSDD COULD ONLY COME FROM TRAUMA!
NONE CLAIMED YOU NEEDED DID OR OSDD TO BE PLURAL!
Your sources are NOT claiming what you think they're claiming!!!!!!!
If this is "all the proof you need," to say endogenic systems aren't valid, it's clear you were only ever interested in confirming your worldview.
But surely you can't seriously think this will convince anyone who isn't already indoctrinated!
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Not even addressing this in full. It's such a blatant strawman that it's not worth my time.
There are similarities between plurality and being LGBTQ. Especially to the many trans systems out there who are seeing anti-endos use the same rhetoric that transmeds have. Or like you did earlier, are endorsing the same types of views that led to homosexuality being pathologized until the 70s. But nobody is saying it's the exactly the same!
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I'm not sure what this is specifically referring to. But it might be about the line in the differential diagnosis for DID in the PTSD section where it's stated DID may not be preceded by trauma or have co-occurring PTSD symptoms.
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It does also say in another section that DID is associated with trauma, but it never actually says that's the only way to get DID.
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This is a straight-up lie. Most sources used by endogenic systems are less than a decade old, with some being as recent as 2023.
Here's the breakdown of some of the dates in @guardianssystem's doc, for reference:
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I mean, I feel like part of the reason nobody has been able to disprove it is because a lot of its more specific claims have been really hard to test.
But that's neither here nor there.
The bigger issue you'll run into is that the creators of the theory you're citing have stated that there may be other ways for people to be plural. Or as they phrased it, having "conscious and self-conscious dissociated parts."
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The above quote is from two of the three authors of The Haunted Self, the creators of the theory of the structural dissociation.
The TOSD is made to propose a way trauma can cause dissociative disorders to develop. But it does NOT suggest you need to have dissociative disorders to be plural, and I doubt the authors appreciated their work being twisted like that
Final Grade:
F-
This started with three goals.
Let's look back at them one last time.
You can't possibly have DID without trauma.
You can't possibly have OSDD without trauma.
You can't be a system without DID/OSDD.
By the end of this, have any of these claims successfully been proven?
I don't feel they have.
The first claim is what all the sources tried to focus on. But most of the sources didn't say that and didn't support it. All but two implied that DID could possibly form other ways.
And for the others? Nothing suggests OSDD can only be caused by trauma.
And you failed to provide any sources that suggested you couldn't be plural without DID and OSDD.
You completely and utterly failed to find decent sources to back up your claims, and to make a compelling case for them, at every conceivable juncture.
If I were you, I would be embarrassed to have put out something of such poor quality.
What have we learned:
Non-disordered and endogenic plurality has been supported and validated across the psychological field, including the World Health Organization's ICD-11 and Trasngender Mental Health which has been reviewed and published by the American Psychiatric Association.
The creators of the theory of structural dissociation believe it might be possible that "self-conscious dissociative parts of the personality" might form without trauma and that this needs to be further researched.
Tulpamancy is a mostly psychological practice that has been studied and validated by psychologists.
Anti-endos are really bad at sources.
Conversely, the majority of endogenic sources are actual peer reviewed academic papers. And contrary to false claims here, many of the papers are actually very recent.
(Tagging some tags from the original post)
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paradiseprincesss · 15 hours
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hii i absolutely love your double fantasy fic and i was wondering maybe you could make a pt 2 where the reader tries to come up with plans to escape, you can choose the ending!! if its not possible, i understand, thank you!!!
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double fantasy (pt ii) - jackson rippner x assassin!reader
hello my love, yes absolutely i can write a part ii for you. i am so so so glad you enjoyed the first part! <3 love you always
please read part 1 first because none of this will make sense if you don't!
summary: after planning your escape from jackson, you put your plan into motion - but just like the first time around, things don't pan out the way you thought they would.
warnings: 18+ minors dni!! murder, death, kissing, fluff, mentions of crime/criminal behavior, mention of drugs, mentions of sex
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life with jackson wasn't so bad...
actually, that was a lie. it was dreadful.
for the last three weeks, you were being held hostage in jacksons home with him. sure, it was okay in the sense that he would actually give you some freedom. like for example, he would always go grab your favourite food when you were hungry, or he would buy you pretty clothes - he pretty much bought you everything you asked for, and he would fuck you so good; you couldn't even deny that. all he asked in return was that you occasionally cooked him dinner after work and let him stuff his cock down your throat from time to time.
the downside to all this you ask? well, it was with him. that was the downside - jackson rippner himself. he was so loving towards you that it was almost suffocating, and you knew he was probably doing it because he knew how much you despised it.
the whole stockholm syndrome thing was taking a little longer to kick in than jackson originally anticipated - but just like you, he was willing to play the long game.
and that's what he did with you. you were waiting it out as well; seeing how long it would take him to slip up and give you a chance at escaping, and he was waiting to see how long it would take you to fall head over heels for your captor.
he rolled off of you, immediately coming to hold you in his tight grip after he had just fucked your brains out. okay - fine. the sex was good. actually, no - it was more than just good; it was mind-blowing. you let him hold you (not that you had a choice), and he kissed your forehead gently.
"you'll love it here, honey. i know you'll come around, but i'm okay with waiting. just look at what being patient got me the first time around." he says softly, making you scoff.
"stop lying to yourself." you tell him, and he coos at you. "oh, honey, no need to get so upset. it's okay - you can admit it. i mean, with the way you're always screaming my name when i fuck you-"
"that's enough." you sharply say, and he just laughs softly at you. "okay, okay. whatever you say, sweetheart."
the way he loves on you makes you furious - he acted as if the two of you were really a couple and that had your blood boiling. you were set on finding a way out of here.
as luck would have it, later on in the week, jackson needed to go on another mission of some sort. he mentioned that he was supposed to track down this girl, get on some redeye flight with her, and threaten her and her father or something. to be honest, you weren't really listening - that and you didn't really care.
"are you going to miss me when i'm gone?" he asks sweetly, and you pull yourself away from him. "ew," is all you manage to say, and he scoffs at you. "please, you'll come to love me." he growls at you, making you scrunch your nose to really get the point that you were disgusted across.
so you started planning in your head silently. you knew that he was going to be gone for roughly 72 hours, giving you a small window of time to escape.
he had the doors barracaded with multiple locks, which all required both a code into the keypad and a physical keys to unlock. the windows were also locked shut - but at least he didn't put bars or anything on them. oh right, there was also one more problem.
he had surveillance cameras set up all over the entire home.
so yeah - you had your work cut out for you. this plan had to be executed perfectly, meticulously and flawlessly. even if he was hours away or on a plane, he could easily have one of his men check up on you. better yet; if he found you escaping, he could have one of his men kill you.
but he wouldn't do that...right? because he loved you so?
"goodbye, honey. i'll see you when i get back. and trust me, when i do - you won't be walking straight for the next week after i'm done with you." he coos at you lovingly whilst telling you that he was going to fuck you so ruthlessly when he was back that you'd lose the ability to walk.
charming.
you grimace at him in annoyance, "i hope you die on that mission." you snarl with a sharp tone, and he looks at you with his eyes narrowed for a moment - like he was about to break the loving facade before collecting himself once more.
"don't make me regret keeping you alive, sweetheart."
and with that, he gave you a rough kiss and left for his mission - locking the dozens of the locks on the door behind him.
now that you were alone with your thoughts, you got to brainstorming. over the next few hours, you finalized your plan.
you knew that trying to bust down the locks or windows was pointless - he would see it on the cameras and get someone to stop you, and even if you did manage to get through the dozens of locks he had on the doors, somenone would be there waiting outside to stop you.
so you decided the best way to get those doors to freedom to open wasn't through yourself at all, but through someone else.
they say revenge is sweet - and you were craving it real bad. why not take vengeance on both people who screwed you over instead of just one?
it started with you throwing some dishes on the floor, breaking the porcelain plates with force. then, the glasses and cups, making an absolute mess of the place.
you knew he would notice - it didn't take him long to. within minutes of you breaking every dish in that damned kitchen, the sound of the locks being unlocked from the front door filled your ears.
"throwing tantrums now?" a voice asked, and you recognized it immediately.
no, not jackson's voice - this was the other person you were looking to take revenge on.
roman.
you wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for him; trapped in this sick psychopaths house.
"jackson asked me to check up on you since he said you were making quite the ruckus." he smoothly says, a cocky smirk plastered on his face.
you didn't respond, opting for silence as he stared at you. you wanted to wipe that stupid fucking smirk off his face. "i'm sorry for fucking you over, i really am. but that's life for ya, sweetheart."
at this point, he was standing maybe a foot away from you. his ego was clearly clouding his judgement - since the door behind him was wide open and unlocked - too distracted with taunting you to remember to do the one thing he should've done.
"i'm sorry, too." you say nonchalantly, and he cocks his head to the side. you take this opportunity to lunge at him with precision and speed - going right for the kill.
this egotistical idiot must've forgotten who you were; let's not forget you did work in the same...business as both him and jackson.
you had a shard of sharp glass hidden in your hands - doing it so stealthily that he didn't even see it coming. you watched roman as he collapsed to the floor after you went after his jugular, watching him bleed out.
"i'm sorry for that." you sneer.
quickly, you lean down to check for a pulse - gone.
smirking to yourself, you stand back up and toss the glass shard on the floor that was now starting to pool with blood.
"that's life for ya, sweetheart." you mock him, getting in the last word - as you always did.
now, jackson was watching all of this happen on his phone through the cameras he installed, and the sheer panic that was running through his body almost sent him into hysteria. he was sitting 35,000 feet in the air right now - he couldn't exactly get to you easily.
glancing up at the cameras in the home, you blow him a little kiss and wave.
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a few months had gone by since your great escape; you were keeping a low profile now - considering that people were under the impression you were actually dead.
where were you? well, it's simple - you were chilling on a beach, living life in a tropical paradise.
ever since you escaped, you left the state and fled to mexico since you had a friend down there who ran a cartel. turns out being part of a drug cartel paid better than being an assassin ever did.
currently, you were in your favourite bikini, tanning on the beach in your beach chair with your friend beside you in a her beach chair, and a matching bikini.
this time you knew it was safe, this girl had been your ride or die since the two of you were in middle school as kids together. she'd saved your ass plenty of times, and you always returned the favour.
"i've missed you." she laughed as you sipped on your pina-colada, feeling the warm rays of sunshine kiss your skin.
"awe," you say, pouting at her, "i've missed you too."
the two of you talked and giggled about shared memories of your friendship. after a while, you were craving another cocktail. "i'm going to go back inside to make a margarita or something, want anything?" you ask her, and she smiles at you. "girl, obviously. bring me one, too."
nodding, you make your way from the beach to your villa styled mansion, letting the cool air conditioning breeze past you as you walk into the marbled kitchen. as you were grabbing the tequila and lime juice, you heard footsteps behind you.
"how strong do you want your marg?" you call out behind you, but it wasn't your friend who replied.
"you know, i prefer whiskey myself."
whipping your head around, your met with someone other than your best friend.
"jackson," you say calmly, looking at him with a soft smile, "you scared me, jesus."
he laughs softly, coming to wrap his arms around you from behind, placing a soft kiss behind your ear and a few down your neck. "m'sorry, honey. i love this bikini on you, by the way." he murmurs, trailing his hands up to gently squeeze your breasts through the tiny bikini top.
"i'm glad you're home. you know i get antsy when you're gone." you say softly, leaning into his touch.
"oh, trust me i know how you get when i'm gone. can't forget what happened last time i left you alone for more than three days." he teases.
turns out when you "waved" to him on camera after killing one of his associates, it wasn't a wave goodbye - no, in fact, it was just your way of saying "hi, come home please. i miss you."
turns out your stockhold syndrome was kicking into full gear as you plotted your escape - so in a sense, yeah, jackson was right. you did come around to loving him, i guess.
but after that, he knew keeping you captive was not the smartest choice - he didn't want to turn into roman 2.0 and end up dead on his kitchen floor. the two of you talked when he got back from his mission - which he coincidentally failed at, and you were still waiting at home for him, like he'd hoped.
you were screwed because everyone thought you were dead - and now, he was also screwed, because everyone wanted him dead. the two of you had a long conversation about it, and figured since you technically spent the last year and a half being a "couple," you might as well just give into it, right? why not.
so, that's when you had reached out to your longtime friend who was involved in the drug cartel business, since both you and jackson couldn't exactly go back to your old "jobs."
thankfully, your best friend was more than happy to have you join her and her cartel, along with jackson who went back to his roots - assassinating people; but now he was doing it for the cartel.
the two of you fled to mexico, and got yourselves a quiet, but huge, villa styled mansion on the coast of mexico so that you could both enjoy the quaint oceanic paradise and tropical weather.
and that's how life was now for the both of you - still living a life of crime, but this time around you got your happy ending. it was cute; jackson would bring you flowers every day, and true to his word, he always bought you whatever you wanted.
maybe life wasn't so bad with him - certainly not this one, anyways.
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sashaisready · 3 days
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This Must Be The Place: Chapter 4 - Pick me up
Biker!Bucky x Femme Reader
Back at your beloved late grandmother's home to pack up her house, you have a run-in with the town's biker gang 'The Howling Commandos' and find yourself entangled with the metal armed President.
Series Masterlist
Warnings: Brief mention to reader’s (small) injury, references to past motorcycle accident and life changing injury.
Thanks so much for the response to this story so far, I'm aiming to update at least once a week - hopefully more some weeks - but life is quite busy at the moment. All your reblogs and comments are so appreciated, thank-you!
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You sat awkwardly on a rickety old desk in the backroom as Bucky carefully pulled the tiny shards of glass from your arm with a tweezer. He’d already checked out your head injury, which was barely an injury at all really, a mere scratch and small bump. After a few tests he seemed satisfied you weren’t concussed, so he’d moved on to the glass wound.
He still seemed mad, so you kept quiet, trying not to concentrate on his proximity. His fingers moved agilely and delicately despite his hefty frame, but you supposed it made sense that someone who worked on cars and motorcycles most of the day would be good with their hands.
Your mouth pulled into a grimace as he pulled another shard out and then quickly cleaned the area with antiseptic, causing you to hiss.
“Almost done…” he said monotonously.
“Thanks” you replied.
Your tone was sheepish, you felt a little embarrassed that he was now patching you up after you’d clapped back at him. Your mouth sometimes got ahead of you like that. But it was hard not to feel aggrieved when he was also making you feel like a kid who’d been sent to the principal’s office.
“Hold still…” he scolded.
Yeah…just like that.
“I am still”.
“No…you’re moving. Cut it out”.
“You cut it out!”
He sighed heavily. “Whatever…”
The two of you stewed in silence for a few more minutes until he pulled the final piece out and cleaned and bandaged the wound, then meticulously packed everything back into his medical kit. You thanked him and kept your head down, running your fingers across the bandage as you wondered what to say. You didn’t normally feel shy around Bucky, but the incident with the customer and your subsequent squabbling had thrown you off. Your general feelings towards him seemed to oscillate between sheer lust and intense annoyance.
“So…I guess you’ll be quitting then” he said glumly as he turned around and put the kit back into a desk drawer.
You looked up, surprised. “Huh?”
“After this, I mean” he cleared his throat. “I guess you’ll be quitting the job”.
“Why?”
He turned towards you; confusion and annoyance evident on his face. “…Because you got assaulted by a customer and I didn’t stop it?”
You tilted your head in sudden understanding. “That’s why you’re being so pissy? You think I’m going to quit?”
He frowned; his tone clipped. “Why wouldn’t you? You don’t need this shit on top of all your house stuff”.
Well…he was sort of right. You didn’t really need the money (although it helped), and you really didn’t need to be dealing with drunk guys trying to bottle you…but…in all honesty? You’d dealt with worse over the years. A drunk guy with bad aim wasn’t pleasant, but you liked this job – you liked the MC, you liked the regulars, you liked that it gave you something to do in the evenings rather than aimlessly wander Granny’s house, you liked…Bucky.
“I’m not quitting, Bucky” you told him defiantly.
He looked genuinely surprised, his blue eyes narrowing. “What? Look…I’d understand, we fucked up – we should’ve been there to protect you and we were fuckin’ around playing pool”.
You frowned. “Look…don’t feel guilty. I should’ve called you over and not tried to manage him by myself when he started getting rowdy…I guess I just, didn’t want you to think I couldn’t handle it…” you told him quietly.
He chuckled fondly. “Sugar…I know full well you can handle it. I’ve seen the way you can handle yourself. But drunks can be unpredictable. You need to tell one of us if things get ugly, okay? That’s why we’re here”.
You nodded. “Alright”.
“Promise me you’ll call me or one of the others over if someone so much as raises their voice to you”. His tone was stern, he was clearly very serious about this.
“Scout’s honour” you replied sunnily as you held up your fingers in a mock salute, trying to ease some of the strange tension that was in the air.
He nodded, seemingly satisfied with your answer, but the stern look on his face was still there.
“And you’re really staying? Because if you wanted to quit..”
“No…Bucky, I’m staying”.
The silence hung awkwardly between you until you cleared your throat, looking over at the cabinet where he’d put away the kit.
“So uh…I didn’t think you’d have First Aid training”.
“You learn a few things after you come off your bike a couple of times” he sighed gruffly.
You nodded silently in response, but he caught your eyes briefly darting to look over at his metal arm.
“Yes…” he wiggled his metal fingers. “That was one of those times…can’t fix that with our First Aid box though” he muttered.
“Oh God, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”
“It’s fine,” he softened. “I don’t mind talking about it. Really. Long time ago now. Got knocked off my bike by a truck and got pretty badly mangled. They couldn’t save it…”
“Jesus, Bucky, I’m SO sorry. I had no idea…”
“It’s fine,” he said pragmatically. “Accidents happen. Life goes on. Besides, got an upgrade out of it…” he smiled grimly and flexed the robotic arm.
“And you still get on your bike every day, even after all that?” you asked with disbelief.
He nodded, a smile lighting up his face. “It’s what I love. Nothing could stop me doing what I love. Yeah, I was a bit shaky at first. But you adapt. That’s what life is about, isn’t it?”
You smiled back at him. He was like regular Bucky again. You admired the way his face lit up when he spoke about his passion, quietly impressed by his determination to get back in the saddle. You wished you could be more like him in that way, rather than cowering in your indecision when things went south. You looked back over at his metal arm.
“I mean…it’s amazing. So intricate. I’ve never seen a prosthetic like it. How do you even go about getting a robot arm?”
“Friends in high places,” he tittered. “Tony Stark threw it in as part of a deal…”
Your eyes widened. “Tony Stark…the weapons magnate?”
Bucky just winked in response.
“Why would you and Tony Sta- No…you know what? I don’t need to know…”
“Yeah…probably for the best,” he laughed.
You rolled your eyes, but you were secretly relieved that the tension between you both had eased. Back to dumb jokes and sassing each other.
He smiled back at you for a second, but it faded so quickly that it made your stomach flip. He looked over at you forcefully, his eyes dark. It was a look you hadn’t seen before.
“Bucky…what is it-”
“I’m sorry again…that you got hurt,” he said gravely. “I would never…if I’d known…” he sighed. “I just mean…the last thing I’d ever want is for you to be in harm’s way…”
You paused, struck by the sincerity in his voice. You stared back at him, nodding sluggishly as he moved closer to you, unable to tear your eyes away from him. Time seemed to slow as he leaned towards you. Your eyes widened as he tilted his head, his expression intense. He leaned in closer and closer, and you found yourself moving too, like a moth to a flame. As his lips met yours it was like a lightning bolt, your breath caught in your chest as you suppressed a gasp and let yourself melt into him. His tongue was in your mouth before you knew what was happening, and you reciprocated greedily. Suddenly his hands were on your thighs, moving up your hips, your waist. The heat of his touch searing. Your own fingers grabbed at his kutte, pulling him closer and closer but still never close enough as his mouth moved to your throat. You practically mewled as his lips met the flesh of your neck, you tilted your head back to allow him full access. Your eyes closed as you bit your lip, his mouth ghosted over your skin and-
The heavy knocking sent you crashing back down to earth with a cruel bump, a tiny gasp escaping you as he pushed you back down against the wood.
“Buck…” came the muffled voice from behind the door. “We need to go. Sorry. Does your best employee need a ride home?”
“What is it, Sam?” Bucky snarled as he stood and moved towards the door.
“Rumlow…he’s apparently making a move…”
Bucky exhaled, he turned to look at you for a second, opening his mouth to speak before shaking his head in silent apology. His eyes said more than his lips ever could. You nodded in return.
He swung the door open and Sam stood there. He didn’t seem to be embarrassed or awkward to interrupt, so he was either being polite enough not to mention it, or simply hadn’t picked up on the slight heaviness in your breathing, or the way you were somewhat splayed across the desk.
“Goddamn. Alright. Let’s go,” Bucky instructed. “Sugar…you need a ride?”
“N-no. I drove. All good” you stuttered as you regained your composure.
“Sam…have someone ride back with her. Just in case”.
“Bucky I’m fine I-”
He looked at you warningly, raising an eyebrow.
“Alright…” you sighed. “Give me the motorcycle escort”.
His hard expression softened for a split second; a hint of a smile sent your way. The beginnings of a sparkle in his baby blues.
And then he was gone.
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you want c!techno take asks so can i ask for your insight in the take that c!techno was the shitty one in c!bedrock bros because he... i'm not entirely sure what the argument is tbh just the way some people bend over backwards to make c!tommy leaving him alone in a crowd of enemies seem not like a shitty move
I feel like the insistence some people have that you should take a 'side' in the bedrockbros relationship is part of this weirdly prevalent trend now in some fandoms - and especially in dsmp - that every single relationship that goes bad has to have a 'victim' and an 'abuser'.
(Sometimes not in those specific terms, though I've certainly seen enough people call c!Techno abusive towards c!Tommy. But sometimes people just call it like, a good guy and a bad guy. Like they need to put the blame somewhere, and it's usually not with their own guy because their blorbo is perfect (part of a second, also very prevalent trend in fandom these days, where people seem incapable of viewing their favourite character as having any flaws, and thus they jump through hoops to excuse everything they do as perfect or flawless. Very common for a specific flavour of c!Tommy enjoyer indeed.))
The time between the failed Butcher Army execution and Doomsday was literally a low point for c!Techno, he himself talks about this afterward with the Syndicate and stuff. Emotionally and mentally this man was Going Through It (tm). So I don't doubt there are some aspects of the whole bedrockbros post-exile relationship he should have done differently. Though that hardly makes him a bad person, it just means he's imperfect and doing his best and also traumatized and trying to do what he felt was right. I'm very biased in siding with Techno because he's my fav but also because I just actually agree that he's right a lot of the time, kekw. And he genuinely did his best to offer Tommy shelter and make him feel safe while also not pushing any boundaries (and also Tommy straight up refusing to share a bunch of shit. Which is understandable from Tommy's side in context, but since Techno is not a mind reader, I really don't like how some inniters act as if Techno was supposed to act upon information he literally didn't have). While also meanwhile sticking to his morals and trying to ensure the continued safety of himself and his closest friend.
Like, at the end of the day, the bedrockbros relationship post-exile fell apart because it was a relationship of convenience and their goals and wants didn't end up compatible. And that's fine, honestly.
The part where Tommy's behaviour becomes somewhat shitty to me is at the Green Festival itself. Him deciding to switch sides and rejoin L'Manburg is not even the shitty part. It's the sort of thing that, especially in context of who c!Tommy is as a person and what makes him tick, makes sense, and it's the right thing to do for him, even if Techno feels hurt by it (which, see what I mean that characters can do things that hurt others or are maybe less than ideal, but that doesn't make them terrible people?)
The parts of Tommy's behaviour that I find shitty are:
1) Tommy stealing Techno's axe. Like, okay, I've posted about this before, but it will never stop bugging me that Techno gave Tommy the axe of peace specifically as a temporary thing and he wanted it back (the axe was important to Techno and he spent a lot of time on it) and then when Tommy decided to fuck Techno over by switching sides in the middle of a high tension situation (which, again, I don't blame Tommy for switching sides necessarily but doing it in the middle of an encounter with enemy forces threatening Techno was a little dickish of him), Techno asked for it back in a very calm, non-angry manner and Tommy's response was basically "lol, no". Like ??? That's just straight up theft, I don't care how much you like Tommy, that's shitty. That's a shitty thing to do! Even if it did end up giving us the peerpressureduo 'ranboo gifting techno an axe' arc that was peak
2) Tommy not really caring about what happens to Techno after switching sides. This is kinda tied into the thing I said above, about Tommy really picking the most terrible timing to betray Techno. But his general lack of care for Techno's wellbeing there - especially after Techno just promised to fight an angry mob for him - where Tommy does not at least try to dissuade them from killing Techno, or bothers to express any concern that Techno can make it out alive, also bugs me. Like, I know Tommy had a lot on his mind but him not seeming to care much if Techno is ganged up on and murdered, right after taking one of Techno's weapons AND after basically getting all his armour and shelter and potions and food from Techno, just feels like a major dick move.
I don't know what specifically the inniters are saying Techno did wrong at the Green Festival so if you know, feel free to enlighten me and I'll reply (though I'm assuming a lot of it is bollocks anyway. It's mainly some variant of 'Techno was mean to Tommy by not completely forsaking his own moral compass and agreeing with everything Tommy did ever, and also for having emotions :(')
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rubykgrant · 2 days
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OK, my thoughts about the final season of RVB! If you haven't seen it yet, warning for SPOILERS!
In general, I thought it was alright. The good parts were GOOD, but it felt kind of rushed, and a few things were disappointing. Certain parts I wish had been different, but I'm glad it exists. Watching it with lots of cool people made it fun, and it had a decent enough ending for what it was... though, after so many years, so many characters, just so MUCH of a story, I wish things had been a little MORE. It was a shame it was so short and rushed. I'm still glad the people who worked on it got it done, and we were all able to see it.
So. Actual thoughts on different bits...
I'm somebody who enjoys seasons 15-16-17, so while it will always be real in my heart, if they HAD to do a ret-con, having a spoof with a Retro Convention was VERY funny. Kai would absolutely milk her relation to Grif for some attention. I thought it was weird that Dylan was there, but she was a convention host? I feel like it would have made more sense for her to be one of the people asking questions about where the Reds and Blues went (y'know, like she ACTUALLY DID in 15). Oh well.
Things were very rushed... if this had been a more full season (or, in my perfect world, a story split into 2, so we get 19 and 20 out of it. I'm sorry, it just bugs my brain when something ends on a 9 instead of a 10. that's a ME problem), there could have been more of a Big Reveal about Tucker being the Meta. HOWEVER, since things were very condensed, I can appreciate how amusing it is to have Epsilon info-dump the plot to every body.
I did get a chuckle out of Epsilon being a "recorded prediction program" and not the true AI, and he decided to just be an obnoxious little youtuber. Like, that was so awful, it was AWESOME. It is also something that would have made Alpha Church super ticked off, which is very fitting. Good job Epsilon, 10 out of 10~
I was so happy to see Sheila and Lopez! Mechanical love lives on. It was a bit meh seeing the Reds act like they don't care about Caboose (we've been there, done that), but some of the funny bits that followed and Simmons getting Sarge interested by bribing him with Blue Defeat saved it (listen, these guys have been insisting they hate each other for 2 decades, but they can literally not live without each other. let them just admit they are ALL FRIENDS). Grif ranting was excellent.
No Donut is some major BS! Look, I get it, we stole the spot-light in 16-17, he was the time-god's most specialest pink princess and a harbinger of death, it can be intimidating to include something so powerful after trying to erase all that from existence... but come on. With all the important call-backs and connections 19 made with previous seasons, AND having the ending be in Blood Gulch? DONUT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE AND HE SHOULD HAVE THROWN THE AI UNIT. No, I mean it, imagine the thing gets knocked really far away, maybe from an explosion, and Donut throws it clear across the canyon, because you KNOW he can! This time instead of it being a grenade that kills Tex, she catches the unit, tra-la-la, it all comes together. I'm sorry, Simmons doing the cool sports-ball throw was fun, but... Donut. DONUT!
Alright, moving on. It felt a little awkward that Wash is yet again hurt, and nobody is there with him? Oh wait, Doc is there, except no he isn't. Listen. Listen. I love plural Wash. I also love the idea of him genuinely having an emotional connection with Doc, because it DOES make sense; when Wash kid-napped him, Doc just kept making all his sarcastic little comments the whole time, and it tricked Wash into having real conversations with him. I honestly think that if Doc hadn't been with them, Wash wouldn't have been so open to the idea of finally settling down after his Villain Moment. They also both have a lot in common with AI incidents, and again, Villain Moments. I'm just annoyed that the Pacifist and the Original Bad Boy evidently died. Off screen. Give me back my purple boys. If we need to have Wash Not Be Around for a while, have him and Carolina go off to track down Hargrove or something. Maybe they went to two different locations, and Wash gets back to the others first, so we still get Carolina to the rescue.
Anyway, the plot! There was a lot of funny bits when it came to looking for Tucker, getting into the ship with the "video call security", and Niner being there! Hooray! I am... a little disappointed about WHY and HOW Tucker is a "villain". Obviously, I can't picture him being legit EVIL, but the idea that he's just the physical puppet being controlled by the AI isn't very... good. I understand how it was explained, sure, but still. I know I keep rambling about my own thoughts for alternate scenarios, but I can't help it! I just don't like when Sigma (or Omega) are just plain EVIL, for no reason. They've always been more complicated than that (the Meta wanted to be HUMAN, remember. and Omega even told Epsilon "I'll be here if you need me". they are definitely different kinds of harsh and intense, but they aren't the Murder AI or the Evil AI). I don't like that Tucker is being tortured into doing what they say... a more subtle manipulation, the Fragments not only convincing Tucker but also themselves that they NEED to do all this to get Alpha back, is very intriguing. After Epsilon Deconstructed, the Fragments lost their Memories. They just know they aren't complete. Tucker just knows he wants to talk to his best friend again.
If it needs another push to make it more insidious, I'd buy that Meta suit being a trap to begin with; Hargrove probably had that thing rigged to make it into a trap for anybody that wore it, so they'd have this subliminal inclination to collect all the AI, and kill anybody in their way. Something-something forgetting what your motives are, and only caring about the GOAL. Tucker and the Fragments ALL need to remember who they are and why they want the Alpha; it isn't about being a weapon. If there was more of a fake-out/reveal of Tucker being the Meta, maybe with a false hint of it being Felix with the orange/black colors, a sign that Tucker is still in there would be him getting close to killing everybody... but he backs off each time.
Speaking of killing... Sarge. Oh, Sarge. I will admit that, just from a thematic point of view, yes- it works to have a Sarge death. I don't care for it being Tucker that did it, or that Donut isn't there to share the moment as well. Matt Hullum acted the HECK out of that scene, though. In fact, the whole bit of Sarge running back to save Caboose, and trapping Tucker with a bubble shield, was AWESOME. I didn't want Sarge to die... but he went out wearing his red armor, and told Grif and Simmons he cared about them. It was sad, but it was well done. In my perfect world, we just THINK he died, but then at the end it is revealed he's still alive! How? Well, Doc gave him CPR! Doc isn't dead either, that is integral you see. I'm not sure of Sarge going "Hurgh Bleh" would have been better or WORSE. Well, heck. I wish he wasn't dead, but as much as I hate it, I... didn't totally hate it?
I kind of wish Simmons had more of a break-down over it. I wanna see him lose his temper. OR, he acts so quiet and cold, it is just UNNERVING. Then Grif helps snap him out of it. Let's be real, those two are so co-dependant, it ain't even funny. I appreciate Simmons telling Grif he is officially free to leave, and the conversation of "Come with me" leading to Simmons saying he wants to see this through, and Grif agreeing to come along was good. Simmons has aspired to be an impressive soldier from the beginning, and Grif has just wanted to be DONE. In the end, they meet in the middle.
I may be a sappy Grimmons person, but I can say, as objectively as possible, they should NOT be separated at the end. Grif and Simmons are literally the introduction to the series. They were the first two characters we see, they have been side by side almost CONSTANTLY, they are always bickering but they are also each other's favorite person. I don't even mean in a shippy way, it is just a fact. To have them say good-bye and just leave each other is honestly out of character (we saw that before, remember, in 15; Grif got so guilty about it, Simmons came to the realization that opposites attract, and they finally had to admit they missed each other. it was a WHOLE THING). I think it would have worked if, after telling Grif he's free to leave at the end, Simmons waits minute, then starts following him-
Grif; What are you doing?
Simmons; Coming with you. What the hell else would I do?
And that is that, wherever they do, they're together. Also, Kai shows up and HUGS HER BRO, come on, please!
Now, as a sappy Grimmons person, they should have just gone through with it. It has been more than 20 years. Seriously. We all know it. People who don't even care about the ship know it. Just commit to the freaking bit. Stop being cowards. Let them hold hands, or hug, or gently bump the visor of their helmets together, SOMETHING. Show them taking a walk on the beach together, all lovey-dovey. We deserve some emotional satisfaction after a 2 decade queer-bait slow-burn. JUST DO IT.
Sigh... OK, that is out of my system.
My absolute FAVORITE thing in 19 was Tex. She was so freaking PERFECT. I love Caboose telling the unit a story, his way of bringing her back, because that was how he talked to Epsilon. It was so sweet. When they asked Caboose why he brought her back instead of Church, he told them- "Because I wanted to win". Listen, Caboose LOVES Church, but he knows what is up. It was hilarious to see her go through the teleporter to get her black armor back. I absolutely ADORED her saying she's NOT a "failure" anymore, because she's not just based on the Director's memories of losing his wife, she's also got the memories of the guys who REMEMBER HER KICKING THEIR ASSES. 100 percent, Tex return was the best. Her reuniting with Church was also very sweet... the only thing I would have liked more would be the other Fragments showing up in there, so they can all be together (and Church gives Theta a hug; he doesn't even need his memories yet, he just knows he loves Theta).
I didn't care much for deleting the Fragments at the end, but I get the "reasoning". Like, sure. Fine. In my perfect world, Caboose gives the unit to Carolina, so someday, when they're all "ready to wake up again", she can see her family. Wash taking the fall to alert Carolina was both kinda wonky, but also very funny, and hey- it got her there! Again, I don't know why she wasn't there with Wash from the beginning. Also, just. A few characters being dead, and most of the others splitting up at the end... nah. They all need to live together and be friends and be happy and be OK! Like, come on. They've had a lot of "endings" in this series that were bitter-sweet, or kind of sad. I know life doesn't always have a happily ever after... but just once, give them that.
OH, and ANOTHER THING; if things had been just slightly different, if both the Fragments and Tucker sort of "forgot" who they are, the way to remind Tucker should have been JUNIOR. Heck, maybe Carolina was off finding Tucker's kid, and when they come back Junior gets his dad to remember who he really is... but the suit is still controlling him, forcing him to fight. I just want a happy Tucker family reunion. Give that kid his daddy back. Even if Junior isn't there for the big conflict, he should have shown up at the end, with Tucker promising they won't be separated again.
Well, that sure was a lot! The final season was a lot, in a short amount of time! Again, I wish certain things were different, but I'm happy I could see it. Even after everything, all the good and bad parts, I know that it still isn't "the end". I've got a lot of ideas for stories, and so do many other fans out there. I know people are going to keep sharing their thoughts, creating their art, telling their stories... because a universe without stories? That's just empty space.
Bow-chicka-Bye Now!
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ghouljams · 2 days
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nun moon and preist soap are so special to me also i LOVE the cult leader idea somethin about that man pulling one over on you
Ooh because it's such a nice churched community. It's picturesque, the stone chapel, the rolling hills, the houses that break up the landscape. It's exactly the sort of place you'd want to work, the sort of place you'd want to live, and the priest is young and kind. (He's handsome too, with a smile like an angel, but you're not supposed to notice that) Working here should be easy, enjoyable even. (cw cult stuff, religious themes)
You have a nice little room, meals, quiet company. You see the priest more often than you see anyone else, but again he's kind to you. Terribly light on his feet though. He's walked in on you fixing your habit once or twice, but made no comment on it thank the lord. There are moments... passing remarks that stick out to you, easily brushed off as curiosity(of course), but still. You're younger than most nuns, or at least younger than what most people think of for nuns, and it never escapes anyone's notice. Father Mactavish asks you if you wouldn't rather be settling down with a nice man, and you laugh. You haven't known many nice men.
"How about a bairn then, one or two on your hip would be a sight." He chuckles. Your brows draw together, unsure if the joke is that you're a nun, or that you'd be bad with children. You're in charge of the primary school, the nursery as well, it would be odd to call you inept in this way.
"I'm not sure what you mean father," You respond with a certain measure of flintiness to your voice, your bards bristling at the insinuation. The priest hums, clasps his hands in his lap and smiles.
"Meant no 'arm by it, only that you're so good with the wee ones, it's surprising ya wouldnae want one of your own."
You suppose that makes sense, glancing back at your tea you miss the darkness in his eyes, the way they rake over your body, the way the priest squeezes his cock through his robes. One or two, or five or six, keeping you pregnant like you should be. You'll give your body to the lord but not his servant? Is Soap not the mouthpiece for the divine? Does he not alter hearts and minds? You're in service to him, so get on your fucking knees and serve.
"Maybe in another life," You tell him, "but I'm happy as I am, serving the church."
"That's wonderful," [I will have you over this table, over my knee, for the sin of misusing your body- my body] "if only more people felt the same." Soap hums. Though he supposes there'd be far fewer new members of his congregation if that were the case. As it stands he's managed to convince the town of the importance of family. Even the "nun" you're filling in for is on sabbatical to cover her maternity leave. An overzealous man in town to blame for that one, they really should have been more careful, but watching the man kneel in front of him and beg for permission, seeing the so called nun fall so willingly into his arms. People are animals, sinners wrestling with nothing more than base urges.
And Soap- Soap is leading them to salvation, to paradise. Children are our future, he tells them, children guide us towards goodness. Children are the foundation of any good church, they'll know him as a prophet, and you as his wife. What's a nun that doesn't serve her lord?
"Are you alright father?" You ask. He seems distracted, he's hardly touched his tea, and his eyes are so far away you worry you've lost his company entirely. Father Mactavish blinks, and the stormy sky in his eyes clears back to that brilliant blue. He smiles, and you smile back.
"Of course hen," he draws in a breath, "just writing my sermon for Sunday."
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doubleodonut · 19 hours
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i really did want to like this season going in but ugh. like hearing oh it's written by burnie directed by matt, the seasons i don't like got entirely retconned (petty. i know. no shade to people who like the shisno trilogy i was just eh on it), clearly meant to be a return to reconstruction-era format in some way. all sounds fantastic. unfortunately
basically everything from sarge's death onward felt entirely un-earned and un-genuine. this is probably my biggest sticking point with it all. rvb has been extremely good at making these incredibly silly characters do emotional moments well in a way that feels true to the characters- the finale to season 13, for example, is one of the best bits in the show, imo. and that's a really delicate balance! because fundamentally, these characters are built on comedy, and often being mean to each other, and making genuine interpersonal moments between them can be a really tricky business. the emotional moments in restoration, for me, leaned way too far into the sappy side and as such felt entirely un-genuine, starting with sarge's speech and continuing for the .. most of the rest of it.
now, some other bits would have felt really good if it weren't for their surrounding stuff, if that makes sense? like. after sarge's death, simmons becoming first-in-command and immediately discharging grif. that's really good. that's REALLY GOOD it feels true to their characters and earnest in a way they would be. but the surrounding problems that i mentioned already made it land a looot softer than it should have.
the whole retcon thing was...really unclear, frankly. like, it was sort-of-stated in the trailer, but when the season opened with dylan, as well as the reveal of wash in the hospital, carolina doc and donut being gone, i'd figured that oh, the retcon implied in the trailer HADN'T actually happened, church's simulations just included the stuff that happened. (and also, you should be able to tell what's going on in a piece of media without having watched the trailers..) but no, the retcon was apparently real, this season took place directly after the chorus trilogy. just not communicated well.
where were carolina and donut. like, we know doc'd died but, like. where are those two. donut just ISN'T there (only just mentioned by dr. grey at one point and simmons at another), and carolina is. missing, for some reason, until she's needed for the final fight. given carolina's absence for most of the thing, her moments with tex also felt very underbaked.
the "doc's been dead the whole time!" twist was stupid i'm sorry. i feel like it could have been done well if the rest of the season was better but as it is it just feels cliche. i think i get what they were going for- we never saw the final climactic fight of season 13 because church never saw it, now coming back after however-many-months, we as the audience weren't filled in on how that battle happened, making a surprise "actually, x died!" thing narratively interesting. it just wasn't done well, imo
the meta as a villain was .. just strange as it was played out. the idea of meta!tucker? tucker stuck in his own body while being puppeted by the epsilon-fragments-as-meta? or even, like what epsilon thought was going on, tucker straight up heel-turn? that fucking rules. i am SO into that idea. but i really didn't like how it was done. epsilon-meta was just..goofy. their lines all sounded like a cartoon villain. so much threatening and so much..talking? like, compare to alpha-meta- silent save for the interconnected whispers of the ai, focused, driven, not having long protracted villain speeches. not that villain monologues are BAD, they just don't feel right for the fucking meta! it made them as a villain feel weird and, again, pretty cliche. also, like, the bit where they held the sword to simmons' face and started monologuing threateningly at him? just didn't fit with what we know about the meta at all. the meta would have fucking stabbed him without hesitation that was some felix-type shit
(now, maybe this was the influence of the "host" between either version of the meta. like, maine is silent, so maine-meta is silent. tucker is super chatty, therefore so is tucker-meta. that would have worked if a) tucker was actually the meta rather than just A Meat Puppet and b) the dialogue actually had any resemblance to how tucker talks rather than Stock Villain)
jumping off the topic of epsilon/tucker!meta. tucker was so stiffed this season. the meta could have been piloting a robot body and it would have made 0 difference. the torture scene didn't land and had basically no actual purpose. as others have pointed out, an ACTUAL villain!tucker could have been pretty fucking cool if done right, and would have been a really interesting twist on the meta. i think meat-puppet-tucker could also have been done interestingly, if we saw more of tucker and his conflicts with the ai, or, like, even what happened leading up to the meta Happening after the end of s13. but tucker, one of the imo most interesting and best characters in the entire show, just had almost no influence, purpose, no character development, nothing.
perhaps most damningly of all, it just. wasn't funny. there were a couple little jokes here and there that got a laugh out of me, but there was no sustained comedic energy throughout the thing, and a lot of the bits (church's youtube exposition, the zoom bit) dragged on for WAY too long. i cant believe they did the "ehh.......it's right behind me isn't it" bit entirely straight.
overall, i felt this season is overall underbaked. there were some very cool concepts, bits, and ideas, but all together just did not work.
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Hello hello! I hope you're having an amazing day! If not then I hope your day gets better!! I was kinda hesitant to try out your matchmaking because I've never done one before but also your blog is mainly The Outsiders and I didn't want to break the chain (if that makes sense?) with me randomly coming in asking for DC ^^. If you're not still part of the fandom that's totally okay! I'm fine with whatever fandom or can ignore!
I am a short queen standing at 5'0 😔😔. I have long black hair that goes down to my waist with chocolate brown eyes and wear glasses. I have a warm yellowish tone to my skin with a scar or two somewhere on my body either from minor surgery or being a bit clumsy 💀💀.
I like to think I'm a friendly person! When meeting people for the first time I'm very polite, though I can be a bit awkward sometimes when socializing but I do my best! With friends though I'm very silly and playful, I like to tease friends, mainly bringing up a slightly embarrassing story that I know we will all laugh together about. I'm very nice (maybe a little too much for my own good) and somewhat smart. I like to play along with the whole "aCTUalLY 🤓👆👓" skit because it gets a good giggle or two both from friends and myself. You could say I'm a bit of the mom friend? I stay observant when with friends, make sure no one is left out or if someone's having a bit of a rough day I stay mindful and check up on them if they need anything or just a simple shoulder to lean on/ear to talk to. Overall I'm a very bubbly person that likes to be silly at times! (Sorry I'm very bad at describing what kind of person I am 😔)
The things that I like: I am a very big book worm. I have a good pile of books on my desk that I absolutely adore, though they're mainly fantasy romance books (I'm a big sucker for those). I also ADORE the rain! From the sound it makes to how it smells just makes me go kind of feral. I also really love the ocean! If I could, I'd really want to just float in the deep blue or go exploring through underwater caves or shipwrecks (to live the mermaid dream 😔😔 CLEORR OH NAUR). I also do a bit of writing myself and dabble in video gaming!
Hopefully this was okay! I'm not the greatest in describing myself so I sort of just wrote down whatever was at the top of my head. I hope you have a wonderful day!! 🫶🫶🫶
No, I’m actually gonna thank you so much. I just happen to majority get outsiders requests, but I’ve been really wanting someone to try and break the chain so you’re actually doing me a huge favor dude
Your DC Universe Ship: Dick Grayson (Nightwing)
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Explanation: starting off with your appearance , I think that he would be extremely attracted to you and I think that he loves the fact that that you’re short and would definitely tease you about it by lifting you up if you’re comfortable with that and just constantly making jokes about it. I think he would really love your eyes and constantly admiring them and staring into them. I think he also likes the fact that you both have pretty dark hair. I don’t know. I just feel like he would like matching with with you. he also completely relates to the Scar thing and if you ever felt insecure about them, he would definitely kiss them until you didn’t or show you his own scars to kind of tell you that it’s OK to have them. Personality wise I think that you two would get along very well because he definitely turns up the charm and is generally kind person who is also very clever and such, and I think that he would also love, teasing and teasing as his love language I mean, he loves teasing the rest of the bat and I think you guys would have a great time teasing each other. I think he would be good at setting boundaries about what he wasn’t OK with teasing him about and things like that and hopefully you’ll be good at setting boundaries as well. I think you guys could be a really healthy relationship, Which would be a good thing for him because he hasn’t had that many healthy relationships. He also really likes being silly as well and I think you guys would totally have a lot of fun together and just absolutely vibe with each other. He’s also a very observant person so I think that you two would definitely be similar in that aspect of coming from a place of helping people and noticing the small things that not everyone does. Many people think that out of the bat family Tim is the avid reader, but the truth is that everybody in the family reads. They just tend to read about their own interests like I think that Dick Grayson would highly prefer reading things like comedy and romance, and period dramas. he often gets teased for reading romance novels, but I think that he genuinely enjoys them and can understand that as long as he likes reading them nothing else really matters, including anyone else’s judgment, but as soon as he finds out that you like reading romance novels too I think you guys would that would just be one of your things that you do together and bond over it and I think you guys would have little discussions about characters and theories and just talk about how cute some characters are together and ship people, I think would be the best person to read a romance book with. I feel like he also really enjoys the rain just for the aesthetic. I also feel like he’s super grateful to have found you and being in such a healthy relationship and he’s definitely willing to work through some of his trauma so he can always improve on being a better person for you. YALL ARE CUTE I SHIP 💙💙💙
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homochadensistm · 2 days
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Hello. I know this will sound super weird and probably rude because why tf would I come to a stranger with my personal problems? But I wanted to ask for advice, if that’d be okay? I remember you saying you suffered from depression, and managed to deal with it and work on it enough to get somewhat past it. Depression ruined my life completely. I’m 30 with absolutely nothing to show for it, not even a degree. I have tried so so many things, but nothing seems to help me. I promise that I keep fighting with all I’ve got, and I’m not really asking about what to do or something like that, but I want a sincere opinion, if that’s okay. Do you think I can still turn my life around somehow? Do you think I can still try to start over at this age? Start going to uni again even with the pressure that I need to have kids soon as well before it’s too late? With the pressure that I might fail again if my menthol eelness gets too bad again? Is it too late for me to have big dreams of ever living up to a potential I could’ve had if not for this stupid disease?
Hi anon, I think you're completely fine. Life is not a race, there is no medal at the end of it for all the XP maximizers. You're not gonna get a Goodest Girl award for doing uni at 20 or for not having Being Sad Debilitatingly DiseaseTM. It's really OK. Your pace is your own and the amount of progress you can have with yourself in 1 month can be equivalent to the progress a 20yo girlie has in 5 years, it's all good. Time is not the most important factor in the Happiness and FulfillmentTM equation.
That being said, I'm sensing a lot of fomo/expectations stress(?) from ur text. What do u mean "I NEED to have kids"? That's not something you "need" to have, it's something you should WANT to have. You shouldn't feel pressured by time (or anything else) to have kids, you can have them later in life if that's something you aspire to, it's fine. iirc nowadays around 25% of births are by women who passed the age of 35 (and the rate+age is increasing), you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
You can turn your life around at any given point in time. You can do it at 20, at 30, at 50, it doesn't matter. Again, the universe won't hand you an award for getting your shit together sooner than later, we're all going to die as the same, medium quality slab of meat. Will you maybe feel like you could've done it sooner and save yourself the time and misery? Sure, but that isn't going to get u anywhere, yesterday is over bestie there's only now and tomorrow, and that's plenty of more time!
From my experience, depression is informed by both internal and external factors, and, most annoyingly, the internal factors are informed by the external factors as well. You feel the way you behave and live. If you treat yourself like shit you're gonna feel like shit. If you behave in ways that encourage negativity (angry, resentful, spiteful, selfish, lazy etc) it'll affect you negatively. Depression also encourages you to be comfortable with yourself (ironically) in a way that inhibits growth and learning: I don't have to hold myself accountable to doing chores or taking a shower or eating well or doing homework or working on my project or even going to work, I'm depressed! This doesn't happen consciously imo, you don't actively decide "I'm not gonna take a shower cause I'm depressed", you sort of slip into the mood of not taking a shower, and the excuse your brain gives you for that is "oh well, that's depression for ya" and the cycle continues. The uncomfortable zone is the place where YOU ACTIVELY catch yourself doing that, and doing something else, uncomfortable, instead (like taking a shower despite feeling like you REALLY don't wanna). This ofc applies to literally everything in life, not just showers. Depression actively keeps you in your comfort zone, where you don't have to do anything that makes you feel anxious, nervous or UGH-y, and provides you with a wonderful excuse.
Your life will start taking a turn for the better once you free yourself from the prison of comfort your brain put you in, and start actively seeking out and completing activities that make you uncomfortable. Start taking care of your skin daily. Put those moisturizers on your face. Clean your place, declutter your surroundings. Dont eat food straight from the fridge like an animal, put it in a bowl and sit down and eat. Cook for yourself, stop relying on the comfort of instant trash. Move your body more, take walks outside, preferably around nature/parks, even if it requires a bit of travel to get there. Invest in your own fucking stocks, your looks, your health, your well being. Nothing will ever happen if you won't actively make it happen, and you will never feel good about yourself if you don't start taking yourself seriously. You give your Sims the best lifestyle with food, health, clothes and hobbies, why not yourself?
Make a routine for yourself and stick with it. Eat your meals at the same time every single day. Wake up and go to sleep at the same time every day. Give yourself a structured framework to live by so that your brain can feel like there's order in the chaos, trust me it's a big deal. Start working out, and make it a routine. For the love of God, PLEASE start working out! It doesn't have to be super long or complicated, but moving your body is essential for both your mental and physical health, and if ur so worried about the time "wasted" on being Sad SickTM then the solution is in prolonging the time and the quality of time you have left, and that can be done optimally through exercise and good food habits. You have no idea what kind of physical and mental changes a well structured workout program (that you stick to as part of your routine) can bring, at any age. It can also count a hobby and give you measurable little goals to reach.
In short: taking responsibility over myself and owning up to my (in)action, having a set routine and bedtime/waketime, a good diet, working out and taking care of myself are what eviscerated years of depression for me. I obviously don't know your personal situation but I (and the field of cognitive behavioral therapy) feel like these factors^ are the most common denominator in all of us feeling like shit, and play such a huge role in every human person's wellbeing and they're universal across the board.
I highly encourage you to watch this, and take notes:
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Hope I helped somehow and Goodluck anon! There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, I promise.
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vasito-de-leche · 3 days
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I have some thoughts in my mind lately in the Self aware au R1999 (I'm invested so badly), I was wondering are there any arcanist that resented the player maybe at first or still having resentment on them? Because if the player wasn't there they would be " free " (which I would doubt since there are many players and it would still happen nonetheless but just speaking from there perspective) did they just helplessly or casually got over it after some time and accepted the fact it was a game I mean they were levelled up by the player,the player was the reason why they were getting stronger and winning every battle but I have a feeling some arcanist would have some doubt in them since everything was just a script in the first place all the things that happened to them were meant to happen for the plot, I don't about how to reach when they find out that the player was a human though.. But just like earlier if the player never was here then they would be " free ",they wouldn't know it was just some game (they gonna go bree since they wouldn't exist)(RAHHH I might have wronged what I said in this😭 I just have a thought in my mind about them doubting, feeling frustrated and all...Btw I am badly down bad for your writing 💜💜💜 I admire it so well.. 🥹🫶🫶 can I get a hello Please.. ?💜🥹💜 I'd go crazy being noticed on a writer I admire)
hiiii helloooo hola bonjour and many other greetings o7 really glad you like my writing!
your question is very broad, so I can only make a quick list to categorize all the characters and how I think they'd feel overall towards the Player within this AU! since you only mentioned arcanist, I assume you mean the playable characters only, so that's also the group I'll be tackling
I don't have a good grasp on every single character, so some of these are subject to change as I learn more about them too o7
It's very, very complicated.
Vertin. Door. Mesmer Jr. Bkornblume. I consider these characters to be "outliers" in terms of how they perceive the Player--in the sense that their opinion fluctuates and varies a lot, so they cannot be easily labeled in any of the other categories. They're contradicting or find themselves at odds with themselves, seeing the figure of the Player and everything the Player represents as positive and negative influences simultaneously. To them, you're a close friend and a distant stranger, a saviour and a harbinger of ruin, a source of knowledge and the end of everything--you're all of these, all at once.
as for the rest, I only described the opposite ends of the spectrum and the neutral category!
Extremely resentful and hateful
Desert Flannel. Erick. Mondlicht. Oliver Fog. Pavia. Sonetto. Sweetheart. This one is pretty straightforward--these are the characters who are defensive, who feel like your mere existence is mocking them, who have gone through so much and feel humiliated to know you're casually looking at them from above, so out of reach and superior and unbothered by their pain. But also characters who are combative or quick to identify you as a threat, such as Pavia and Sonetto, because you go against everything they believe in.
Stressed, requires a lot of time to get over it
AliEn T. Bette. Bunny Bunny. Charlie. Ezra. Kanjira. Matilda. Pickles. Ulu.
Mostly troubled, but open to change
6. Mr. APPLe. Darley Clatter. Diggers. Druvis III. La Source. Lilya. Melania. Ms. Moissan. Poltergeist. Zima
Neutral, indifferent and/or unaffected
Baby Blue. Click. Dikke. Jessica. John Titor. Rabies. Sputnik. Tennant. Tooth Fairy. Twins Sleep. These characters remain neutral, but do not confuse their indifference or lack of reaction for ignorance. Some of them aren't quite lucid, conscious or old enough to fully understand their surrounding, such as Rabies and Twins Sleep, but I would say the rest are grounded enough as to not let a figure such as the Player affect them in any intense or extreme way. Some of them simply don't care because this entire reveal doesn't exactly change their routine nor perception of the world. Some are choosing to remain neutral until they gather more information to form a solid opinion.
Mostly curious, but open to change
A Knight. Cristallo. Kaalaa Baunaa. Ms. NewBabel. Necrologist. Satsuki. Spathodea. Voyager.
Eager to learn, requires a lot of stress to be affected
37. An-an Lee. Centurion. Eagle. Horropedia. Leilani. Nick Bottom. Shamane. Sotheby. X.
Extremely intrigued
Eternity. Medicine Pocket. Ms. Radio. ONiON. Regulus. TTT. The Fool. Regardless of how your existence affects these characters, their curiosity and the new opportunities and possibilities you bring along are much more important to them. These are characters who seek to profit from you in some way, who see you as a fascinating subject to study, who may even relate in a way to the role you play as the Player, who may pity you.
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pathsofoak · 10 months
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The urge to draw book covers for all parts of TCH versus the lack of ideas...
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mangofanarts · 4 months
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Thinking about how in purgatory....They split Bad off from his closer relationships with people by having them in different teams (Max, Bagi and Etoiles in Green gay ninjas, Foolish and Baghera in Bolas). How Bad's only close friend that was in the same team as him was Aypierre and then he ends up with Aypierre as his cellmate too < 3
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anakinh · 1 year
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genuinely do not understand how anyone could play crisis core and come out of it thinking that angeal possesses the brain cell between him, genesis, and sephiroth. there are no brain cells here.
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oozeandgoo-art · 5 months
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had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.
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#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading#oc#im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people#im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though#besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol#sketch#god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking#colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING#and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement#it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it#put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead#ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it#the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does#rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you''#however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here.#includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares#which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down#and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that...#(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL)#seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.
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alexa-crowe · 5 months
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only mystra would go "yes i am the source of all of your problems and am the reason you couldn't reach your full potential <3 but now you're free of me so you can do that now <3 i'm so smart and nice and am definitely a good-aligned goddess!!"
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