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asunshinepuff · 3 years

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Secrets of the Darkened Seas

🧜🏻‍♀️ Hello! It's been a while guys, welcome to chapter nine! Please please please give a like and follow to my co-author and best friend Luna (@ladynightmare913) because this story would not be where it’s at without her help!

Just a small reminder that the next chapter will be posted on Luna’s blog!

The included lore for this tale has been written under the guise of Fantastic Nautical Creatures by Newt Scamander. As always it will be taken from the book “The Secret World of Mermaids” by Francine Rose while still having my own twist.

Here's the link to the previous chapter, and if you’ve missed any chapters here’s the link to the masterlist for this story. 🧜🏻‍♀️

Chapter 9: The Escape

Remus was doing his best not to punch the pirate in the face, or at the very least refrain from tossing him into the open sea, which was a true testament to his restraint because the desire was overwhelming. Walking up to the deck, Sirius followed and Remus was praying to God for him to kindly shut up.

“I want to see him, who knows what you’ve done to him.”

“I already told you, he doesn’t wish to be anywhere near you, and I share his sentiment.” He looked at the pirate and for a moment, spotting pain in the other’s storm blue eyes.

But like a lightning strike, it was gone in a second. Sirius hardened his gaze once more.

“So you’ve been telling him lies then.” Sirius sneered.

Remus scoffed, “Contrary to the Captain’s reputation of being callous and merciless, he would never lay a hand on a child. He only took Regulus because he was treated worse than cattle.”

At that, Sirius had nothing further to say, what could he say when it was the truth?

An awkward silence followed the two like an anchor as the tawny-haired boy turned and continued walking on deck, the distant voice of a crewmember calling Remus for assistance. With a sigh, he turns to the ebony-haired boy.

“I have to go, but don’t do anything stupid.”

“What do you think I’m going to do? Sprout wings and fly away?” Sirius scoffed.

Remus rolls his eyes, giving a pointed look. “In this world? I wouldn’t put it past you.” He turns back around and walks off.

Sirius simply shook his head as the pompous tawny-haired boy walked off. He honestly couldn’t fathom why anyone would allow him on this ship. Then again, Sirius thought, it suited the infamous White Sea Serpent to have someone like him aboard his ship.

Pompous, the whole lot of them.

The crew were fine in his opinion, they minded their own business. Which probably explained why they were ignoring him as if he were the plague.

Deciding upon himself that he might as well look around, considering no one was really paying attention to him. He might even be lucky and find his brother. Motivated at the prospect of finding his lost brother, Sirius set out to search the entire ship. He went down to the kitchens, then to the cargo hold which, astonishingly, only had two barrels of wine and not a single barrel of rum.

There were many things Sirius could forgive, but not having rum was a crime he could never forgive. However, there was a ridiculous amount of white grain, labeled rice. And some strange red and green foul-smelling thing that made Sirius gag.

Next, Sirius decided to wander through the hallways of the cabins. Checking through the glass windows to peek inside, in the hopes of spotting his brother. At last, he reached a cabin door where a woman dressed in white sat in a rocking chair, holding two small boys, resting their heads close to her bosom, her eyes were closed and her lips were parted as she sang a soft lullaby that Sirius couldn’t hear through the door.

One of the boys was who Sirius had been searching for. Regulus was being rocked to sleep.

Regulus looked, in peace. His face had a healthy flush, his cheeks had rounded in only just a few days. His clothes were clean and he looked properly dressed. The woman in white, rocked gently, rubbing both of their backs.

Regulus shifted in his sleep, the woman gently lulled the child back into a deeper slumber, shifting to her arms to accommodate the changed positions so Regulus wouldn’t hurt his neck as he slept. The woman smiled as she continued her song, never once did she open her eyes.

Sirius couldn’t help but feel a pang of pain in his chest. Oh, how many times did he long for his mother to hold him as the woman in white did so for the boys, Sirius had lost count. Lost all hope of his mother ever giving them an ounce of affection.

And when Regulus was born, Sirius prayed that his mother would at least show affection to him. Instead, she treated them as nothing more than pests that she must learn to tolerate. Sirius tried to take to the brunt of their “discipline,” but there was only so much he could do as a young boy.

And as soon as Sirius was able, he escaped that hell hole. Leaving Regulus behind. He knew that what he did would only make things worse for Regulus, their mother would take it out on him, and Regulus wouldn’t have Sirius to take the brunt of it. Sirius cursed himself for being weak. Sirius had every intention of coming back for him, to give Regulus a better life. The tawny-haired boy’s words echo in his head.

“He only took Regulus because he was treated worse than cattle.”

Sirius wasn’t blind. Their mother never once loved them. Yet here was this woman, who was not Regulus’ mother, tenderly cradled him, sung him a soft lullaby, rocking him to sleep, as if he was her own, would make anyone think she loved Regulus.

And with how at peace Regulus looked, he might even love her as well. How cruel, for a mother to loathe her offspring, only for a stranger to show them affection and kindness. The boy was right, the captain of this ship didn’t kidnap Regulus, the captain saved him.

And just like before, Sirius came to a decision he thought was best. He will leave Regulus here. But this time, he was leaving Regulus in a place where he was clearly cared for and treated well. Regulus didn’t need him. With a heavy heart, Sirius turned away.

Back on deck, Sirius peered over the railing. He couldn’t swim back to shore, they were too far from land. But, he lamented. Spotting a lifeboat hanging by ropes. He could steal a boat.

Remus managed to finally resolve the problem the crewmate had been dealing with. Returning to the deck, his eyes scanned for the ebony-haired male. His eyes narrowing the longer he searched and still not finding the pirate.

“Captain!” A crewman called. Pointing towards the open sea, “The pirate is making a run for it!”

Of course, he would try to run. Only seemed to be about time. Rushing to the side of the ship, Remus glared at the jolly pirate, watching as his figure grew further from the ship.

He wasn’t even taking Regulus with him?! That good for nothing, pirate!

Captain Hua merely raised a brow, watching the pirate rowing away with an amused smirk. “How daring.”

“Been planning huh?” Opal chuckles as she stands against the base of a cargo net.

Quinn smirked, crossing his arms as he leaned forward on the railing. He looked at the greek woman. “Oh, this’ll be interesting to witness.”

“Shall we turn the ship?” The crewman asked.

“That won’t be necessary,” He looked to Remus, “Remus, please bring Brielle up on deck.”

Remus turned at Captain Hua’s request, nodding in confirmation. Briskly walking across the deck, he couldn't help but wonder why Sirius had decided to forgo his entire reason for ambushing the ship? Did he just not care about his brother anymore? Or had something happened for him to ultimately decide that perhaps Regulus was alright?

There was nothing he could decipher for himself, he muses, as he wouldn’t know the thoughts of the ebony-haired pirate. Or find answers for his theories. Sirius Black, the youngest pirate captain of their age. As infuriating and insufferable as he may be, there was more to him.

If what Brielle said was true, then perhaps there was more to Sirius Black than being a complete idiot.

This was the second time he considered the thought. But why? Standing at the base of the stairs below deck, brought him back to the matter at hand. He found himself at the door to Brielle’s room much sooner than he had anticipated.

“Brielle!”

Sirius couldn’t help but grin as he rowed farther away. He looked back to the ship, the captain, the first mate, and the tawny-haired boy were all watching him. He was over surprised that they weren’t turning the ship around.

Oh well, more time for him to get farther away.

He heard a loud splash behind him, they’re probably sending another lifeboat out to catch him, he assumes, chuckling to himself. There was no way they could catch him from this distance unless they used the ship.

The boat lurched. Rocking Sirius sharply, causing him to drop the oars. Sirius looked around the small boat, he didn’t see anything, did he hit something? The boat rocked again. Sirius looked back to the ship, and from what he could tell, more people had gathered to watch him. The crew seemed to be laughing. As if they knew something he didn’t.

The boat was rocked nearly capsized this time, Sirius gripped the sides of the tiny boat in panic. His eyes searched everywhere, was he closer to land than he expected? Did he hit a rockbed? A coral reef? Just what exactly did he hit?

Or, did something hit him?

There, from the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of white. But it was gone when he turned his head. His breath hitched as he saw a clawed hand grip the front of the boat, pulling it into the water. Sirius backed up, gripping the boat for dear life. Whatever it was, it was clearly strong.

The hand sunk into the water just as the front of the boat, ahead rose from the water. Sirius could hear his heart pounding.

“Oh hell, don’t tell me you’re part of that lot too!” Sirius found himself shouting.

The head had dark hair, pale skin, and two slitted eyes with finned ears, the head opened its cursed mouth, revealing a row of pearly white fangs. Sirius most certainly, did not scream.

The head then dared to smile like a mad man, then dove underwater. The boat shot upwards back towards the surface. Then it started to move, a rope pulling it along, as the thing pulled the rope.

The boat moved fast, then it started gaining speed. In just a few moments, Sirius was already within swimming distance of the ship. He started to panic that the thing pulling his small boat was going to make him crash. At the last possible second, the boat came to an abrupt halt, sending Sirius forward.

The crew on the ship laughed at the haggard sight of the pirate.

“So kind of you to join us again Mr. Black.” Captain Hua spoke. “Did you have a nice swim?”

At that, the head dived down, its scaly tail sending a splash right at him. He was soaked.

Sirius couldn’t be certain, but he swears that he saw a gleam in the captain’s eye. “Who are you?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask. He was no fool, that creature definitely belonged to the insane captain with the accursed sword.

“A man of many talents.” Was all the captain said.

The pirate was pulled back aboard the ship, the crew members took in the sight of the soaked pirate before returning to their posts. The first mate threw a blanket at the pirate to dry off. The tawny-haired boy had returned, a small smile on his face from when he tried to contain his laughter.

Remus looked to the pirate after a minute for composure, shaking his head in exasperation. It was rather a hilarious sight, and once again this was a new record towards Sirius’ idiocy.

Quinn completely found the scene amusing, his smirk still clearly evident upon his face.

The sound of dripping water caught Sirius's ear, turning, he saw the hideous head that dragged him back to this awful ship pulled aboard, The head then started to sprout bloody human-looking legs from its tail! The finny fish-like traits vanishing before his eyes, the captain wrapping a blanket around it.

Sirius’ eyes widened, it was the woman in white! The one who tended to Regulus!

“You!”

The woman, no, the monstrous head, looked to him. She made a mock gasp, her eyes widening. “You!” She responded. A wide grin on her face. Her teeth the same shade of pearly white.

“I take it you had your fun?” The captain eyed the head.

If it weren’t for the fact of what Sirius just went through, he would have called the woman handsome.

“I was only teasing.” The head answered the captain, who only shook his head in amusement.

Sirius decided right there. He did not like her. Nope. Not one bit.

The captain led the head back to wherever it was they were heading to. Sirius turned to Remus when he saw the tawny-haired boy approach.

“You let that thing near the children?”

“I see that you have been sneaking around. And the children are safest with her. Not to mention they love her. Everyone loves Brielle.”

“I don’t love her. In fact, I dare say I hate her.”

“Well, that’s a personal problem then, not mine. And why is that? Might I ask?” Remus tilts his head in mock curiosity. “Is it because she takes better care of your brother than you and she’s not even the same species?”

At that Sirius, only glared, he turned away.

“Remus.” The captain called from his post on the helm. “You have a slippery one on your hands, don’t you?”

“It would appear so captain. I can’t take my eyes off him for a moment.”

The captain nodded, then reached for his sword. Untying it from his belt, then tossed Remus the dark green sword.

Remus caught the hilt and sheath of the sword with careful hands, looking down to the golden snake that could quite simply kill him in one bite. Then he looks back to the captain with a questioning look, “Are you sure?”

“Perhaps it will give Mr. Black the incentive to behave himself.” Captain Hua gave Sirius a knowing glance before he looked back to Remus. “Besides, he missed you.”

With nothing further to add, the Captain turned away.

Sirius looked to the tawny-haired boy. “Who?”

Remus simply held out the sword towards Sirius, a smirk on his lips. Sirius instantly backed up when Remus brought the accursed sword closer to him. “Dúi hǎi.”

Sirius knew that sword, he remembered it quite well, and would kindly prefer to be as far away from it as possible thank you. He did not wish to be bitten again. But up close, Sirius reluctantly had to admire the sword.

It was a wide sword with a dark forest green sheath with gold accents that looked coral. The hilt of the sword had a metallic gold snake, with emerald gemstones for eyes. It blinked, Sirius backed away.

The tiny gold snake came to life, hissing softly as it moved towards the boys' hand. Sirius’ blood froze. Was it going to bite him?

The gold snake slithered up Remus’ hand, then coiled its cold metallic body around his wrist. It looked to Remus for a moment, flicking its tongue. Remus only smiled at the tiny deadly snake.

These people are insane, thought Sirius.

As if reading his thoughts, the gold snake turned to Sirius and hissed loudly. Sirius didn’t need to be told to stay away from that thing.

The snake looked smug. If that were somehow possible? Remus chuckled at Dúi hǎi’s antics. “I think he gets the message Dúi hǎi.”

Satisfied with terrifying the pirate, the snake hissed softly. Then winked at Sirius. These people were most certainly insane. The snake rested its head on the back of Remus’ hand and became inanimate once more. Its emerald eyes shimmering brightly with the rays of the sun.

“That is not a normal sword.”

“Thank you for stating the obvious.”

Links:

Previous chapter: Captain Hua

Masterlist: Secrets of the Darkened Seas

Moodboards: SOTDS, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Quinn Sandoval

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scammydoesstuff · 3 years

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So about that 'Blue Bloods' episode…

I recently saw something come across my dash regarding Alex Brightman’s guest appearance on the season 11 episode of 'Blue Bloods' (The Common Good) and it reignited the vehement response I had to the episode as a whole. And, since I have this blog now, I figured…fuck it. I need to rant about it.

So that's what this is.

Take what I say with a grain of salt, of course. This show is so clearly not for me and I acknowledge that, but I went to school for and got my degree in creative writing and so much of this episode pissed me off from a narrative perspective and I just really need to talk about it. Putting it under a Read More, though, so you can ignore me if you’d like while I rage to no one in particular. Apologies in advance if you choose to read on. I'm super long-winded. Luckily I don't have pictures and this is more of just a lot of text, so…it could be longer?

So, to begin, I’ll freely admit that I’d never seen an episode of 'Blue Bloods' before this and I’ve not watched it since. I mean, if the rest of the episodes are as badly written as this one, I have no interest to either, but I digress.

Overall my main problem with the episode was how desperately it avoided ‘showing’ over ‘telling’ and, as a visual medium, that’s kind’ve a big deal. We were told pretty much every detail that was presented to us. These people love to hear themselves talk, but do little to actually show things as they happen and I believe a part of that has to do with the focus of the show itself, which is definitely unique to this brand of television. By that, I just mean that it’s not the format I might’ve expected from a show like this. Most cop shows give a lot of focus to the cases, and the intrigue you get with the characters is how they apply their own skills and knowledge to solve them, with the hi-jinks they get into along the way being more of a bonus.

This is not that kind of show.

No, 'Blue Bloods' as a show is way more interested in the cops and their familial ties than it is about the actual job that they’re doing, as shown prominently with the political plot of this episode which was also very focused on the relationship between Tom Selleck’s character and his daughter and the wholly unrelated dinner scene where they talk about lent for 2 and a half minutes and acknowledge nothing else that happened in the episode. This show doesn’t care about the job of being a cop so much as it cares about the cops themselves.

Which would be fine if I gave a shit about cops, but I don’t.

You could argue that the mentor plot is the exception to that, but that entire situation had no real consequences for the cop in question, Jamie, abusing his power. It was entirely focused on how the situation affected him and how it was fine that he’d nudged this kid to get information which ultimately led to the arrest of Dion's brother, and Dion quitting the program. Hell, if Jamie had, in his final scene with Dion, owned up to his abuse of power and left the program — to then urge Dion to rejoin so that he can have that positive outlet in his life without him there — I would’ve been way more okay with it, but Jamie faces no consequences past ‘I don’t wanna see you anymore’, which I was never convinced he actually cared about in the slightest. There's nothing cathartic about it, it's just shitty and left me feeling frustrated at the lack of consequences for the cop.

But hey, you prolly don’t wanna read me going on and on about those parts. You prolly wanna know why I hate it despite Alex’s plot — which I fully expected to love because he’s perfect and gorgeous even when he’s playing a bad guy and he was just so adorable in his lil suit and they let him keep the scruff this time, and he was all handsome an— I need to stop. That could go on forever.

Anyway, to put it simply; it was bad, but I'll definitely explain why.

Now, I don’t think any of the guests in this episode necessarily did a bad job. They still acted well enough for what they were given. I just think they had a shit script that wasn’t interested in that story line. I mentioned at the top of this that this show cared more about telling than showing and that’s a huge problem when you want me to buy a character being the culprit in your murder plot. I need evidence, not anecdotes. Cuz, yeah, by the end of the episode, I didn’t buy for even a second that Ralph did it. And it’s not because he was played by Alex who is just charisma incarnate. I can believe him playing a bad guy. I also watched his 'Law & Order SVU' episode where he scared the shit outta me. He can play a creepy and violent character very well, he just wasn’t convincing to me as a bad guy in this show.

And here’s why!

First of all, he confessed at knife point. That confession would be thrown away IRL. It’s the same problem with using torture to get information. If a person’s life is threatened or they're being harmed in some way, they’ll usually say whatever it takes to get you to stop threatening them/causing them pain. Same deal here. You can’t convince me with a confession like that.

But they didn't seem to be interested in convincing anyone as far as I could tell. They just expected you to believe it because, ‘no, didn’t you hear? He said he did it, so he did it.’ They had so many opportunities to portray this character as the shitbag that we’re told he is. Hell, great way to really implicate him? Give him a female assistant that Donnie Wahlberg and his partner overhear / walk in on him berating for something small like getting him the wrong coffee or something. Then have them talk to that assistant later on and her mention some weird behavior from him on the night of Andrea’s death. It's cliché, but it's more than what we got.

Or you could have him talk to Meghan in a super condescending voice when he approaches her after her interview later on. Or, hell, have him refer to the murder victim in a condescending way even as he talks about her death. But no. The most we get out of him is that he's maybe a little snarky and smug when talking to the cops, but that’s not enough to convince me he’s a bad dude. Frankly, his producer buddy came off as more of an asshole, if I'm being honest. Just cuz (we’re told) his character did shitty things to her in the past doesn’t mean he’s still shitty. Show me he’s still shitty. I wanna see it and I know Alex is capable of a performance like that.

Second, it’s also just…obvious to make him the culprit if we're to believe everything we're told about him. He and Andrea are described as having had beef a little while before the murder with him being abusive mentally and physically. He’s known in the community to be a misogynist and an abusive person overall. He’s the obvious suspect, but if there’s anything that Scooby-Doo taught me, it’s that it’s never the most obvious person. Like, once in a blue moon, sure — but it’s rare.

So yeah, I don’t believe that Ralph did it. You wanna know who I do think did it?

Meghan.

Alright, so bear with me. This'll prolly sound a little conspiratorial, but hear me out:

She had the motive. She confirms in the beginning of the episode that she’s also a female gamer like the victim, but that she was ‘no Andrea’. Andrea was her competition. They were (supposedly) friends and stuck together as female gamers, but Andrea was still competition. With her out of the way, Meghan’s able to rise in the ranks, if even a little bit.

She had a scapegoat in Ralph — again, the obvious suspect given his tumultuous relationship with Andrea sometime prior — and an obvious grudge against men in their community in general. And, don’t get me wrong, men in gaming can and often are hella toxic — I’m not, in any way, denying that — but she got way more emotional when talking about the men in their community than when she was talking about her supposed friend lying dead in the adjoining room.

Speaking of the adjoining room, how did she not hear the murder happening? It couldn’t have been when she was down in the bar, cuz we see Ralph there too in the crappy CCTV footage that was supposed to show him being an asshole, I think (hard to really see). Was she just fucking around somewhere else when it happened? She doesn’t mention as much that I recall (correct me if I'm wrong on that, of course). And Andrea was strangled to death. I would assume that there would’ve been a struggle with that. Are you seriously telling me she wouldn’t hear that in her adjoining hotel room? Those walls aren’t that thick. I find that kinda hard to believe. And that she wouldn’t have found her till the next morning after that, also strikes me as a little odd.

Going off on some previous points, she shows very little grief over her friend’s death. Not just in the intro scene, either, but later on as well. (Side bar: that intro scene itself was very misleading. Don’t lead with a murder plot if it only takes up less than 10 minutes of the overall runtime, kay?) The show did a pretty bad job at indicating the passage of time, but it’s implied that the convention is still happening when Meghan gets the confession out of Ralph, so it would’ve had to have been the same weekend, or possibly the same week (though most conventions I’m aware of don’t last that long — it’s usually a weekend thing, at most Thursday-Sunday — but it could be similar to AGDQ, which seems to last about a week). So, if this is only a day or so later, why would someone who is supposedly grieving over their dead friend do interviews like nothing is wrong? Wouldn't you, like, reschedule or just politely decline and say you need time to process the shock? Like, when we cut to ol’ Donnie Wahlberg calling her after her interview, she doesn’t look upset — as I imagine she might if they’d likely asked her questions about Andrea / her feelings about the murder — and she seems cool as a cucumber when she asks Ralph to go somewhere private. In fact, the look on her face indicates pretty clearly that she’s planning to do something. Specifically, not that she's scared, that she's angry.

Finally, she’s the one who’s attacking Ralph when Donnie Wahlberg and company arrive on the scene. She doesn’t seem to have any marks on her indicating that he made any move to harm her (again, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't remember seeing her with any marks / cuts), but he’s got a clear, bleeding cut on his face. She attacked him first and was going in for the kill.

Or…was she? Cuz right before Donnie Wahlberg pulls her into that bear hug to stop her from the attack, she doesn’t do a great job of actually trying to kill Ralph. She was close enough that a quick dart at him would’ve probably been enough to at least injure him pretty significantly — maybe even fatally — and would’ve surely led the cops to pull them apart to secure him, but she kinda just hops around a bit and screams before lunging for him. That’s a really weird way to attack when you actually want to kill someone.

But, then again, I don’t necessarily think she did want to kill him. I’m convinced she wanted that confession, but that she also wanted him in jail and was playing the part of the super sad and hysterical victim who was just so overcome with her grief that she wasn’t in her right mind. I think that’s what they were going for in regards to her character in general, but it came across as less sincere in the performance and more like the character was putting on an act. They then cart Ralph off while comforting her — despite the fact that she disobeyed a direct order from police, which should lead to her being detained as well! — and that plot ends.

So, she gets what she wants in the end. A person she despises is now in police custody, her competition is out of the way, and the publicity she might get for bringing that ‘murderer’ to justice might eventually lead to her own career getting a nice boost. I dunno, it just strikes me as her having a great reason to have initiated this over Ralph just being a misogynist who 'was really trying to kill Meghan and just got the wrong girl'.

So yeah, with what the show presented to us, I believe Meghan’s the real killer. Again, if they’d done more to show me that Ralph was a bad dude or that she was more affected by her supposed friend’s death, or if they'd just given that plot more room to breathe to show those things, I might’ve been more inclined to buy the narrative they were pushing but…as is, I don’t believe it.

That’s pretty much all I wanted to say on the matter. I had a lot of issues with the domestic abuse plot line too, but they barely gave that 5 minutes of the overall runtime, so does it really matter in the long run? This is just…my thought process of the only part of the episode I watched for and how disappointing it was for me. And yes, I timed each section of the episode to figure out how much time was given to each of the 4 plots, plus the dinner scene at the end, but not counting the intro theme, and the murder plot got just over 8 minutes, of which Alex was on screen for half of that time. He got less than 5 minutes of screen time. It was definitely worth it just because he’s wonderful and I just like seeing him on these shows, but from a narrative standpoint, it felt pointless.

Okay, I’m done. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Unless y’all wanna talk about this some more, cuz I’m so down for that.

#scammy talks too much #scammy rants #blue bloods #the common good #alex brightman #long post is long #I'm long-winded as fuck #obviously I'm not an authority on what makes good tv #this is just all how I felt after watching the episode #It was just so disappointing after the INCREDIBLE performance on Law & Order SVU #if you like it that's cool #I'm not here to tell you you're wrong #or that I'm right about this #like whatcha like #sometimes I just gotta rant and get it outta my brain

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itslikemagicbutbetter · 4 years

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Thoughts on science & my life

I don't know if anyone will read this anymore, but I thought I would write it anyway. As I write this, the last post on my blog was made just shy of two years ago, and even that was not true content. Yet I still have over 3000 followers--which is amazing--so it's possible that someone will see this.

A lot has changed in the world. And a lot has changed in my life, both in the ways that people who follow this blog would be interested in and ways they would not. It might be narcissistic to assume that anyone cares, but for the past few months, I have been in a very reflective and contemplative state, not always to my benefit, and I thought this might be a good outlet for it. If someone else can derive some interest or learn something from my situation, all the better.

So, I am in the final year of my undergraduate degree. I became interested and started learning about other fields beyond chemistry. After I worked in a structural biology lab, I wasn't sure if science research was what I wanted to do. I ended up leaving that to try social-cognitive psychology research, as psychology was a growing interest of mine and is my second major.

To be honest, I loved it, and if I could continue it in the current state of things, I would; but that isn't how things worked out, sadly. Now I am doing an organic chemistry-materials science for my senior honors thesis in chemistry. And I am excited to work on a project with more independence and responsibility. But I still have lots of regrets, and look forward to a very uncertain future.

When I came into college, I was set on pursuing chemistry research for my life. I wanted to get a PhD. That mindset did me more harm than good. To be honest, I'm not sure if chemistry is for me. I'm not sure if I love it enough. I'm not sure if I am cut out for graduate school. I'm not sure if I could get in or survive somewhere worth going. This blog was a hobby; real life is different. Now is a very awkward time to be going to graduate school, anyway. Schools are shrinking their cohorts, slashing their funding, et cetera. It makes me feel like a failure to have doubts, but I am not sure I can make the commitment to graduate school right now in my life.

Thankfully, I'm fortunate enough to live in an area with healthy pharmaceutical, cosmetic, and food industries that hire chemists, even at the entry levels. So that's what I'll probably try while I try to figure things out. And maybe I'll like it enough to pursue it, or decide I really do want to go back to school for the PhD. Or that I hate it and want to try something else. I've thought about going into teaching, or patent law, or even science writing. Of course, none of these are easy or safe paths. But they're ways of leveraging my education in ways that don't involve being a lab monkey, and of writing and talking and thinking and learning about science, sharing with it other people, and contextualizing it in new ways, which is what I really have come to appreciate more than anything.

There are too many other things out there that I've become interested in, and in some ways that makes me regret my degree. I've become interested in things like history and politics and philosophy. I've had lots of time to read, and I've read some really great things, including some really great science writing. That's one thing I would really like to do, I think. Write really great science books. I think science writing is at its best when it cuts through all of these areas, becoming uncompromising on technicality, while placing science in the context of human existence. It makes it feel tangible, approachable, and at its peak just about lift off the page into the real world. Great books, great science books included, change the world and leave impressions on people, ordinary people, in the way that articles don't. I sincerely believe that, even in this day of ever-specialized knowledge.

And this'll probably get me crucified by the hardcore physical scientists among us, but that's part of why psychology excites me so much: because you can come at it from so many different angles. There's biological and chemical hardware that acts as the basis for a brilliant array of emotional, cognitive, and social outcomes, which in turn can affect that very same biology and chemistry. Psychologists borrow abstract concepts from philosophers and operationalize them into things that can be measured, if imperfectly.

That's what always excited me about biology and chemistry over physics and math, too. That sense of scrappy empiricism, trying to map out the properties of systems that are unknowably complex, each time, getting a little closer to understanding, and having to get comfortable with strange exceptions, flawed models, and so on. That’s still what I live for and what I want to represent in whatever I do. That’s one thing that I don’t regret my education for giving me. “Are DMF and oDCB miscible? Can’t find it in the literature? Well get a vial and find out!” Or on the psychology side of things: “No literature precedent for these variables interacting? Well, seems like we need to come up with a new manipulation. Wait, our results are completely not what we expected? Time to back up and test some more things.”

Anyway, that was a weird tangent, but writing this has been an invaluable meditative exercise. So thank you for bearing with me. I like thinking and reading and writing about these things. Science writing is one heck of a difficult field to crack into, though my understanding is that having written things to your name already helps, including a blog, so... I've been thinking about reviving this blog, or starting something new. I'm not sure exactly in what capacity. I'm probably not doing many new experiments of the kind that would go on this blog anytime soon given that I'm staying in my college town (though given that I live alone I am itching to try a few dead-simple extractions and crystallizations again, but nothing revolutionary or complex; don't tell my landlord). But I've got a few ideas for projects, and I'm not sure how any of them will land, so I just wanted to gauge interest. No promises. I'm a busy guy these days; I was hard-pressed to choose between writing this post and taking a much-needed nap. But it's something that's been nagging at me and I just wanted to put my thoughts on paper and get them out there, even if it isn't to anyone in particular.

#chemistry #science #psychology #college #what am i doing with my life #grad school #life thoughts #writing #god this was a mess #sciblr #science side of tumblr

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petri808 · 4 years

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1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 22 | 23 | 24

‘Come on, come on, come on, Lucy please pick up!’

“Sorry I’m not available to take your call. Please leave a message at the beep.”

“Fuck!” Natsu clicks off before the beep and chucks his phone at his bed. He’d already left numerous voice mails and text messages over the last week, the desperation growing with each one, but they’d all gone unanswered or unread. If he left anymore Lucy just might block him and he didn’t want that to happen.

All he needed was a chance, one chance. Even though their interactions were few between meeting on the train, the phone, and the cafe, it still should have provided him with some credibility. So how after just one encounter could she believe Touka over him? He didn’t understand. Of course, Gray’s take on it all was well, women tend to be more emotional. Maybe Lucy’s decision to react wasn’t because she necessarily believed Touka’s story. Perhaps she’s been cheated on before or slighted by a guy. Natsu shouldn’t try to rationalize it based on only his own experiences. His friend might be right, but he still wanted to hear it from Lucy’s own mouth. Didn’t he deserve at least that much?

Why hasn’t she blocked him yet? Did it mean she was still thinking about everything, processing it, or simply hadn’t had a chance to? Okay, that last one doesn’t make any sense considering how easy it easy to block a number on a cellphone. It gave him hope things weren’t over yet, but that unknown made it worse, like being left standing in the cold waiting for the rain to stop falling. Ugh! When will this storm pass? He needed answers or this’ll slowly drive him insane!

So, two days later he makes a crazy decision. “Yes,” he tells Gray, “so don’t stay up waiting for me.”

“You’re an idiot, you know that, right?” Gray crosses his arms, “that’s basically stalking, as in you could go to jail if she complains.”

“I know the consequences, but I don’t see it like that. I just want to talk to her and if she tells me to fuck off, I’ll leave, but at least I got my answer.”

The man shakes his head and starts to walk away. “Never thought I’d see you go so nuts over a girl man. But good luck.”

Night after night, Natsu rides the train at the same time as their first meeting, hoping to run into Lucy. He knew it was a long shot, that their meeting may have been completely at random and she rarely caught the train so late at night. Which made sense considering the dangers of a single woman out alone. But it was his only lead to follow. Her campus was simply too large to wander aimlessly on and he had no idea where she lives. He was determined to see this through no matter how long it took.

Such resolution began to falter by the end of the second week when no sight or sound of the blonde crossed his path. He would sit there growing more and more despondent, getting onto the train and off to start the cycle again in the same route. Even other daily commuters started to notice this odd man sitting on a bench with his head kept low, only to look up at the sound of the doors opening. Natsu must have looked pathetic, and sad, a poor miserable creature lost in a sea of train riders with a story no one knew but could guess based on his appearance.

“Dude, it’s been a month! Just give up already!”

“No way! Tonight, could be the night!”

And it was.

It’d become such a routine, like one of Pavlov’s conditioning experiments. At the sound of the trains door, Natsu’s head pops up ready to scan all the incoming riders. It was nearing 10:30 pm with only one more route for the evening before he’d have to give up and try again tomorrow... but there she was.

Lucy walks into the door at the other end of the car and doesn’t see him immediately. By that hour there’s only a small number of riders so most of the seats were open and she quickly sits down on one. Natsu jumps up and rushes over in his excitement, like a puppy whose master had just come home.

He drops down in a crouch before Lucy and grabs her hand before she can resist or stop him. “Please, don’t scream or anything, I just wanna talk.”

“Oh my god Natsu, you scared the hell out of me!” She tries to pull her hand away, but he simply holds on tighter. “Natsu, there’s a reason I haven’t answered your calls, so take a hint.”

“Oh, come on Lucy, you never even gave me a chance to prove I’m innocent! How could you believe a woman who you just met over me, I thought we at least had a small connection between us.”

Lucy sees a few other riders staring in their direction. In embarrassment, she lowers her voice and grits out a response. “Let go of my hand, get off the floor and sit on the bench before I scream for help.”

“Y-Yes, ma’am,” he scrambles to his feet and takes a seat beside her.

The woman lets out an exasperated sigh. “I really don’t know how you can prove anything to me Natsu. I don’t know either of you, so to protect myself, it’s safer to just walk away.”

“Then get to know me, Luce. That’s all I’m asking for and you’ll see it was all a lie.”

“How would I know you’re not still seeing Touka? It’s not like we’d be together 24/7, so there’s plenty of opportunities for you to juggle the both of us.”

Ugh! He runs his hand down his face in frustration. “Touka is not my girlfriend, has never been my girlfriend, and will never be my girlfriend. She’s been stalking me for a couple years now and you’re not the first girl she’s chased away because she thought they were a rival.”

“Pfft.” Lucy takes out her phone, pulling up Instagram, and tapping away furiously. “Then explain this,” she shows him Touka’s profile. “Pictures of you two that looks like you’re a couple,” she scrolls a few posts down, “and again here, a comment by a N_dragneel with heart shapes. And then!” She changes to that persons profile, shoving her phone in his face, “are you telling me this isn’t you?”

Natsu stares at the profile which appeared to be filled with pictures of him and his life, along with the description stating Natsu loves Touka. “It’s not me,” he states calmly and takes out his own phone, pulling up his Instagram account. “This is me,” he shows her.

“How do I know this isn’t a side account?”

Again, he sighs and clicks on the account information. “See, I have one side blog to post dragon art, and that’s it. She created that fake blog with my name.”

“And the photo’s?!”

“Photoshop or some other free app anyone can download. Lucy I’m telling you the truth, and this isn’t the first time I’m hearing this.” He groans, “this’ll be the third blog I’ll have to report for stealing my identify.”

The tell-tale ding of the trains information board signals they’d arrived at Lucy’s stop. “Look Natsu, I-I just don’t know what to make of all this.” She stands to leave, but he corners her.

“Just one shot, Lucy please! I’ll introduce you my friends, hell I can introduce you to another woman Touka’s harassed and you’ll have to see I’m telling you the truth!”

“Natsu, move.” She clenches her fists in frustration and her adrenaline is making her body shake. “I-I have to go!”

“But Lucy...”

“Please,” moisture builds in her eyes. “Natsu get out of the way.”

Heartbroken and dejected, his shoulders slump and arms drop to his sides as he steps away to let her pass. Lucy adjusts her backpack and starts to walks away but pauses just outside of the door. Without turning around, “Even if you’re telling me the truth Natsu, I have to think long and hard if I’d want to deal with all this drama. I’m sorry.”

The doors close and with it the last pieces still hanging on in Natsu’s heart shatter. She was right. How fair is it to Lucy to be caught in the middle of this stalking war with Touka? He shambles back to his seat and drops as the train moves on to his stop. All he could do was wait and see what she decided. Is he worth the investment?

#nalu #nalu fan fiction #nalu fan fic #Natsu dragneel #Lucy heartfilia #nalu Au #stangers on a train #ch 10 #petri808 #Natsu x lucy #fairytail

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wuntrum · 3 years

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waaaaah thank you @hannibalhadalittlelamb for the tag :’D i haven’t done one of these in forever (none on this blog) so this’ll be fun

1. name: courtney

2. gender: nonbinary B)

3. star sign: cancer sun, taurus moon i think?

4. height: 5′8″ ish

5. time: 4:34 pm

6. birthday: june 27

7. favorite band/group: i love so much music........but for right now i’ll say paramore

8. favorite solo artists: jon bellion (prized instagram mutual / patron <3) but also hozier (like i said before though i listen to so much music...if ya ever want recs let me know)

9. song stuck in my head: i was listening to me & you together song by the 1975 at the start of typing these out, so now i have that stuck in my head

10. last movie: charlie countryman

11. last show: hannibal (lol)

12. when did I create this blog: mid october 2020 i think..? or maybe late october...somewhere around there lol

13. what do I post: hannibal art and the occasional text post

14. last thing I googled: “hannibal georgia madchen” because i was making a tweet and wanted to make sure i spelt her name right ALKJFL

15. other blogs: none! (none that i use anymore anyway...)

16. do I get asks: occasionally yeah! usually very sweet compliments which i appreciate <3<3

17. why I chose this url: welllllll, my username everywhere else (crvptozoology) is already attached to an old tumblr account i had (you can look, its not very good bandom art i made when i was like 17 LOL), and i wanted something fresh, so i looked up a password generator, clicked the “pronouncable” setting, and generated a bunch until i landed on wuntrum...and i was like okay i like that :)

18. following: 18 (i need to follow more people alksjflkdfj sorrY)

19. followers: 929 (which, woah! that’s a lot! thank you so much!! <3)

20. average hours of sleep: 8 i thiiiink. depends on when i go to bed, i usually end up waking up around the same time lol

21. lucky number: i like 27, but 8 and 11 also have good energy to them

22. instruments: i can play a teeny tiny little bit of piano but beyond that none </3

23. what I am wearing: a cyan sweatshirt (technically its merch but ive had it since i was 11 and i dont support that person anymore), dan and phil t shirt (.......again ive had it for a while ok), and gray sweatpants (i know i know, don’t get too jealous because of how fashionable i am)

24. dream job: being able to make whatever art whenever i want and being able to sustain myself with only that <3 for a specific commission or something, i want to make the album art for jon bellion’s next album soooo bad

25. dream trip: at this point anywhere lol but japan looks cool !

26. favorite food: i dunno if i have a specific fav...pizza i guesS

27. nationality: american

28. favorite song: no clue, i like too many </3 at this Specific Moment lets say ‘i know the end’ by phoebe bridgers

29. last book I read: ‘this is how you lose the time war’ by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone (confusing at first, but i really enjoyed it!!)

30. top three fictional universes I'd like to live in: stardew valley, anything studio ghibli, or whatever the hello kitty/sanrio universe iS

(you’re supposed to tag people, but i don’t really have anyone i wanna tag! if ya wanna do this, you can say i tagged you <3)

#personal #wooo! now yall know more about yours truly!#((also yeah i didnt announce it on here #but im gonna use just they/them pronouns from here on out #ty for understanding xoxo))

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hellimagines · 4 years

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Sunbird (Part Two) -- Jason Todd

*My masterlist link can be found in my blog description*

Summary: Y/N wakes up after the bomb, and after Jason’s return she has to deal with the retaliation.

Warnings: Emo Bruce Wayne, angst

Pairing: Jason Todd x fem!reader

Word Count: 2,500+

Part One

A/N: Me? Disappearing for three weeks after impulsively creating another series? Wild. The beginning is a little rocky, but still, let me know what you think!

~Two weeks following the bomb~

Her whole body felt like it was on fire, flames licking the inside of her veins with each breath she took. However, as Y/N pried her sleep-crusted eyes open, she realized that she wasn’t in pain because of it. It simply just didn’t feel right. She was laid flat on one of the nursing beds in the BatCave, with IV’s in both arms, a tube down her throat, and other medical equipment enclosing her. Unable to lift her arms to properly find the source of the fire or to yell out for anyone, Y/N groaned in pain in hopes of someone hearing her.

Someone did hear her, but it wasn’t someone she was expecting. “Fuck, she’s awake,” Dick cursed, startling out of his chair to press a button on the wall beside her bed. “Hey, don’t move, Alfie’ll be here in a sec’, okay?” Y/N weakly nodded, wincing at the pain that jostled in her throat. Dick hushed her, petting a hand down her face to move away some sweat-slicked strands of hair. She hadn’t seen Dick in nearly a year, which wasn’t uncommon for the detective of Bludhaven, but it felt weird to have him as the first person she saw.

A few moments passed with Dick simply murmuring soft words and trying to keep Y/N from shifting too much as the pain increased. But, soon enough, Alfred and Bruce were both rushing toward them, the former snapping latex gloves onto his hands. “Please keep her steady, Master Dick. This will hurt more if she jerks too much,” Alfred instructed, gently placing the palm of his hand against Y/N’s throat.

Dick did as he was told, holding onto the younger girl’s shoulders to keep her down, while Bruce stood to the side with furrowed brows. “You’re gonna be just fine, Miss Y/N, this’ll be over in a moment,” Alfred hummed, before he was pulling the tube out without warning. Instinctively, Y/N jerked, wanting to fight against the pain in her throat as she yelled out, but Dick kept her from moving. And, as Alfred had said, the tube was gone in only a few seconds, leaving her able to gasp for air while choking and coughing on her own spit. Dick helped her into a sitting position as Alfred fluffed the pillows up, checking her vitals as her hacking calmed down.

Dick’s eyes caught Bruce’s across the bed, silently motioning him to come over, which Bruce began to do. But, he stopped short at the girl’s next words; “Where’s Jason?” she croaked while massaging her throat, before looking up at the older men. “Is he okay?”

Alfred turned his back, busying himself with putting away unneeded medical supplies with shaking hands. Dick looked up at Bruce, pleading for guidance before the older took a step back, shaking his head. “Bruce-” Dick tried, reaching out a hand for the other. Instead, Bruce shook his head and turned, walking away from the others.

“Dick, what happened?” Y/N whispered, dread filling her gut as she felt the tension cover the room like a cloud of smoke. “Please, where’s Jason?”

Dick took a deep breath, “Do you remember what happened?”

“Yeah,” she nodded with heavy breaths, “Joker used me to lure Robin and Batman, but Jason ran in without thinking, got trapped. Then we were tortured, well… Jason got the brunt of it, before… before the bomb went off.”

“Do you know how you survived?” Y/N shook her head. “When you were a baby, Joker wanted to make you like him, as much as possible at least. But Harley drew the line at the chemical vats, electrocution, and all the other stuff they did to themselves. So, when there was that giant Arkham break ten years ago, Joker had grabbed a whole bunch of random shit from the experiment and confiscation rooms,” Dick explained, taking a seat beside her bed.

“How do you know all of this?” Y/N questioned.

“Miss Quinzel stopped by when she heard what had happened. She’s still in hiding, but she thought you had died. I must admit, I feared for Master Bruce’s safety for a moment,” Alfred chuckled, despite the sorrowful look on his face. “She told us everything and explained why you hadn’t.”

“Jason’s dead. Isn’t he? You’re only talking about how or why I survived, not him.”

“Always did rival my detective skills,” Dick huffed, unable to look Y/N in the eyes anymore. “When Bruce got there, Jason… Jason was already dead. You were unconscious on top of him, with your fingers against his neck, checking for a pulse I think.” Memories began to filter into her head, ones her mind had blocked immediately after the bomb. Freeing herself from the charred zip ties, crawling over burning metal and wood, collapsing beside Jason, his lips trying to form her nickname one last time, before feeling his heart stop and his eyes go blank. Y/N’s heart ached at the memory, and she choked on a sob that she refused to let escape.

“And on fire,” Alfred added, grabbing ahold of Y/N’s hand as he watched the despair fall over her face. “Harley didn’t know what exactly Joker did to you when you were younger, he never told her the full extent. But whatever he did, insured your immunity against most things. You still bruise, bleed, and break, but those things are harder to kill you than most people. However, I don’t suppose he expected a bomb to fit into that category. So, while you were still burned and in a coma, you survived and healed within days.”

Y/N looked down at her arm, trying to block out the memories again, and noticed the subtle, red glow beneath her skin. The only scars on her arms were of old cuts, bullets, and other injuries. But not a single burn scar laced her skin. “Why didn’t it leave a scar?”

Dick chuckled at the question, having expected her to ask more about Jason, and closed his eyes briefly. “Fire seems to be your best friend. We had to keep a fire extinguisher and buckets of cold water on standby for the first week because whenever you got hot, your skin would spark and catch fire. That,” he pointed a finger to an abandoned charred bed near the corner of the room, “was your first bed.”

Y/N gave the bed a brief glance, before staring back down at her arm. The feeling in her stomach had yet to go away, now filled with grief she didn’t know how to handle. “Are you… are you sure he’s gone? I could’ve been wrong, maybe his heart only stopped for a second, maybe he’s still alive, I’m sure he’s fine-”

“Y/N,” Alfred whispered, the absence of the ‘Miss’ causing her to stop. “Jason’s dead. We haven’t had his funeral, wanting to wait for you to wake up, but he’s gone,” he said softly, rubbing a calloused thumb over the back of her hand.

“I’m so sorry, kid,” Dick choked, letting his forehead fall against her arm as he squeezed his eyes shut. “He didn’t deserve this.”

She looked between the both of them, tears falling over despite her reluctance. “I-” she began, before pausing and shaking her head. “What if Joker comes looking for me again? What if he comes after all of you next? I can’t lose anyone else, I have to leave.”

Dick shook his head, “It’s already been taken care of. The world thinks Y/N Napier is dead, and that Robin survived. We won’t go public with Jason’s death for a few months to keep shit from hitting the fan. That’s why Harley was here, she thought you had died. Joker even… he even sent Batman a ‘Sorry for your loss’ card.” His voice was dejected, feeling sympathetic for the younger girl on the bed.

“The second I left, he stopped caring about me. I’m not surprised,” she grumbled, wiping her eyes roughly. “Now what? I was only the girl Robin protected, nothing else. With me supposedly dead, and Robin, what do I do?”

“Don’t worry about Robin, we’ll take care of it. But you’re more than just Robin’s ward. You’re smart and strong, there’s plenty for you to do. Whether it’s taking up a mantle, helping out around here, or making a new name for yourself, you’ll find something. We’re not throwing you away, Y/N. You’re family.”

Y/N listened quietly as Dick talked, absentmindedly running her fingers over her arm as he did. Everything Dick and Alfred were telling her was soaking into her like a sponge; the information was there, but she wasn’t able to process much of it. She knew how cruel the world could be, she was the Joker’s daughter after all, but it still wasn’t fair that Jason was taken from her. That she had to live without him, knowing that it was her fault he was dead. Alfred continued checking her wounds and body temperature as Dick filled her in a few more things (such as Bruce’s refusal to take a break and Batman’s wavering moral code), but Y/N could only listen numbly. She had to figure out her next step, and for the first time in a while, she had to figure it out without Jason by her side.

It took nearly a year for Y/N to completely recover and get ahold of her powers. She no longer had to carry around a fire extinguisher, and spare ones no longer crowded random rooms in the mansion. The only time her powers would act out was when the temperature around her crept above 80°; needless to say, hot weather and heaters were her kryptonite (but she wasn’t allowed to say that around Clark). She also discovered a new power alongside her… combustion skills- she had the ability to make people feel as though they were burning inside. There were no physical effects, and it couldn’t kill anyone, but the pain was definitely there. Also during that year, a small funeral was held for Jason at Gotham Cemetery, consisting of Y/N, Dick, Alfred, and Bruce. Bruce hadn’t stayed for long, with Alfred following shortly after to keep an eye on him. Y/N and Dick remained until the sun began to set, sitting in comfortable silence and staring at the headstone.

It only took two more years after that for Y/N to grace the streets of Gotham as Nightwing’s sidekick, Sunbird. It was the nickname Jason had given her after she had admitted that being with him was the freest she ever felt while they were sitting on top of Wayne Enterprise, watching the sunset. At the time, Jason didn’t know that there was an actual bird called sunbird, he just liked the way the words went together when he thought of her. And now, with Jason gone and her newfound abilities, the alias stuck. She would have been Batman’s sidekick, but there was a new, scrawny genius taking over Robin and Bruce still couldn’t look her in the eye without seeing Jason’s body. So, Dick had taken on the job of training her while Alfred created her battle-ready, fireproof suit, with built in cooling technology to keep her from overheating. It was a grey bodysuit with red down the back of her arms and over her upper chest, creating an abstract wing design, paired with a red domino-mask. Being Sunbird and racing across rooftops with Nightwing or Robin, and the occasional Titan or other vigilante, gave Y/N the freedom she had been chasing her whole life.

Now, six years after Jason’s death, that freedom was about to be torn away.

“You can’t keep me locked up, Bruce!” Y/N’s screech filled the Cave, causing Tim to wince from his spot on the nursing bed. They were all still in their suits, reeling and arguing with the fact that Jason was alive and what to do next.

“You’re the reason he’s back, if you go out there who knows what he’ll do,” Bruce argued, his voice steady yet tinted with anger. “He could’ve let slip that you’re alive to anyone. It’s not safe.”

Y/N let out a yell of frustration, slapping the bag of ice she had been holding into Tim’s stomach as she stalked forward. “This is Jason we’re talking about, he won’t hurt me,” she snapped, pointing a finger at Bruce. “He knows what Joker did to me, he was there half the time, saving me. He’s not going to go blabbing off to everyone and their fucking mom, knowing that it could result in me actually dying. Just because he has a different alias and kills the occasional drug lord, doesn’t mean he isn’t one of us anymore.”

“That’s exactly what it means-”

“Master Wayne, I suggest you take a break.” Alfred’s voice, the calmest in the room, caused the two bickering vigilantes to immediately silence. Bruce was still breathing heavily, looking down at the younger girl with conflicting emotions, while Y/N stared up at him with narrowed eyes, ready to keep fighting. “You’re both upset, as I assume we all are, but arguing over Master Jason’s role in our family will do us no good in figuring out our next step.”

“Alfie’s right,” Dick sighed, wedging himself between Y/N and Bruce. “B, let’s go let Gordon know about the takedown tonight.” Putting his hands on Bruce’s shoulders he turned the older man around, giving Y/N one last look before guiding Bruce out of the Cave.

Once the door was shut Y/N collapsed onto the edge of Tim’s medical bed, holding her head in her hands. “Jason’s more part of this family than I am, Bruce can’t just say stuff like that.”

“You are a part of this family,” Tim said, allowing Alfred to poke at his ribs to find the broken ones, “he’s just upset, you know how he gets.”

She murmured, “that doesn’t make it okay,” before lifting her head. She looked over at Tim, watching how Alfred wrapped bandages around his torso and applied more ice to his side.

It was quiet for a few moments, before Alfred spoke, “if you plan on going solo, at least make sure one of us knows what you’re doing.” Y/N chuckled, flashing him a cheeky smile. “Better yet, take Master Tim or Dick with you.”

At that, both birds scoffed out a laugh. “Yeah right, he’d kill me on sight, same with Dick. No offense, Y/N, but you’re own on your own,” Tim huffed, earning a slap on the shoulder from Alfred.

Y/N laughed loudly and shook her head. “You’re right, no offense taken, baby bird. I have to do this on my own, there’s something off about him right now. Throwing the original and the new Robin at him won’t end well. I can handle myself, he won’t hurt me; no matter what Bruce says, Jason Todd is still under that helmet.”

All Writing Taglist (OPEN): @teageowen @alex--awesome--22 @hxdesworld @frozenhuntress67 @samanthasmileys @simonsaysyasss @marvelismylifffe @bademliimagnum @wherewecangazeintothestars @loxbbg

#jason todd #jason todd imagine #jason todd x reader #redhood #redhood x reader #redhood imagine #red hood imagine #red hood #red hood x reader #batfam

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olivenight17 · 4 years

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Welcome one and welcome all to head canons for my favorite tree man from Naruto who got relentlessly screwed in his ending. I don’t approve of it, he deserved to be happy and have his family instead of being stuck with his abuser while everyone moved on with their lives. No one has requested it except my own brain, and my brain won’t let me let this go so let me share how he would be happy, but in an x reader fashion because I mean, this is an x reader blog.

Also, this’ll be changed from that stupid ending because I refuse to accept it. Welcome to the delusional part of my mind where everything is fine.

Basically what I’m saying: YAMATO DESERVED TO BE HAPPY AND HE WILL BE BY MY HAND. SO DECREES OLIVE.

This is basically just word vomit but take it, tAKE IT-

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Yamato x Reader hcs

- First and foremost: When everything’s settled down and Kakashi becomes hokage and what not, Yamato essentially becomes Kakashi’s Shizune.

- Trying to keep Kakashi in line, helping out with the paperwork, trying to keep from crying because “Senpai please you cannot be reading those books, you have work to do-”

- But it’s... nice. Sure, it’s a new set of frustrations, but they’re not terrible, and Yamato can honestly say he’s happy. He still gets to see his team on a regular basis, as well as everybody else, he gets to stay close to Kakashi and he’s not being alienated anymore. He can feel like he actually belongs in the village.

- That’s when he meets you, a dear and darling little civilian who recently took ownership over a plant shop after the owners had passed away.

- It was a shop he’d been frequenting for a few years now, seeing that he’s no longer going on missions, he has time on his hands, and he spends that time tending a garden.

- He walks into that shop, expecting to see the smiling face of the old woman, and imagine his surprise when it’s in fact someone his own age, and looking very adorable.

- “Ah, welcome to Buds and Blooms. My names (Y/N), I’ll be taking care of the shop from here on out. Is there anything I can help you with?”

- And our boi freezes for a second before waving awkwardly. “No, I’m all good. Thank you, though.” And off he goes wandering in the store, trying not to scream at himself for being so awkward.

- He gets what he came for, pays and walks out in an attempt to not embarrass himself anymore than he already has.

- But he’s a regular at that shop, so he comes back often, and the two of you talk while you’re registering his things.

- At first it’s just about plants, how Yamato’s garden is coming along, the plants you’re growing yourself. But the more you two meet, you begin talking about other things, he’ll gossip to you about Kakashi, you’ll tell jokes that literally have him snorting in laughter (he’s such a dork someone love him pLEasE-)

- And for the first time ever, there’s a light feeling in his chest, and it stays. It doesn’t fade when he goes to his house, and he’s alone in the dark, and the worst parts of his mind come out to get him. He can stave them off because he can look forward to seeing you.

- Yamato gets a lot more tolerant of Kakashi, which he obviously picks up on, and it’s not long before he figures out his little kohai has a crush. And who would Kakashi be if he didn’t meddle with his loved one’s lives?

- So that’s what he does, suddenly being a responsible hokage, taking on more work for himself, and telling Yamato to take more breaks, which he uses to go see you.

- The happier he notices Yamato is becoming, the more he knows it’s working. Until like a month or so later, he invites Yamato out for drinks and just goes “So, when are you going to ask out the lucky person you’ve been so smitten with?”

- “I-I’m sorry? I don’t know what you’re-”

- “Don’t try to lie to me, Tenzo. It’s obvious, and it’s been obvious for a while, why not just go for it?”

- And he’s silent for a moment, because Kakashi’s right. He should at least try, but then he realizes as happy as he’s become, he’s still broken inside. Years of abuse and war do not get fixed overnight and he figures you deserve someone who won’t wake up in the middle of the night screaming about the horrors of his past or the doubts he still gets that the only love he deserves is conditional.

- Kakashi frowns because he knows the face Yamato’s sporting and he won’t let his friend do that to himself and he interrupts the thought process. “Hey, eyes on me, Tenzo.” Once he has his attention, he continues. “I don’t want you selling yourself short. You’re a good, kind man and I’m sure the one you’re admiring knows it. I can’t order you to do this, but you should consider it. You’ve gone through years of putting yourself last, maybe it’s time you changed that.”

- Yamato remains silent, but he considers the words when he goes home that night. In the morning, he decides to do it.

- So, before he can talk himself out of it, he goes to your shop just as you’re opening it up and asks if you’ll go to the festival happening next week with him.

- You pause and he assumes you’re getting ready to reject him when a smile comes on your face. “Yamato, are you asking me out on a date?” And your grin widens when he nods with this flushed face. “I would love to!”

- and he perks up immediately because he really didn’t think you’d say yes, and he fumbles a little as you set up the details and as he’s walking away, he feels like he’s floating on cloud nine.

- the festival happens, everything goes great and it’s the start of a beautiful relationship.

- You’re going strong, you both enjoy each other’s company, and Yamato has completely fallen head over heels for you. He’ll literally do anything for you, just name it and it’s done.

- Not to say there aren’t rough parts, our boi has suffered a lot, both external and internal problems. He feels guilty because he doesn’t feel like he’s enough and he’s struggling to find his worth with you. But you’re always there to soothe his worries and offer advice when you can.

- The first time he realizes that this is real, this is unconditional love and support and you really won’t leave him if he has nothing to offer at that time, he cries. Full on, he sobs in your arms as you hold him tightly because this is what he’s wanted for the longest time, and he wasn’t sure if he was ever going to get it. He mutters “I love you” over and over again because you have honestly freed him.

- He wants to get married to you. Absolutely, once you’re both getting serious, he wants to marry you and have that commitment and he won’t even stutter through it. I mean, he’ll nervously smile as he goes down on his knee because he’s hoping you’ll say yes, but there’s not a hint of hesitation in his eyes when he asks you.

- “(Y/N), I have loved you for the longest time with my heart and soul. You’ve given me a home, a place to belong, and most of all, love. You are everything I have ever wanted in my life. Quite frankly I’m not sure if I deserve you, but I’ll be damned if I don’t spend the rest of my life trying to be the man you deserve anyways. That is, if you’ll have me.”

- SOMEONE BREAK OUT THE WEDDING BELLS

- It’s a relatively small wedding, really the only ones attending on his side are team seven, and I swear to you, you’ll never see a man look more in love in your life than when he sees you walking down the aisle. To him you look like a literal angel.

- Not a dry eye in the house, especially on Kakashi’s part because he’s so very, genuinely happy that his friend has found love like this and honestly, Yamato’s tearing up too because it feels like this is all some dream and he’ll wake up to reality.

- But it never comes.

- Eventually you’re all settled in, Kakashi relieved Yamato of his assistant duties and he helps you with your shop, seeing as he has a green thumb himself

- If you ever want kids, be prepared to at least adopt one. Not that Yamato wouldn’t want one you both created, but seeing as he’s been an orphan, he wants to save a least one from the same pain he went through.

- Though honestly, you already kinda have a kid in the form of Sai because Yamato is always looking out for that boy no matter what. They came from similar backgrounds after all, he wants to make sure he’s okay and adjusting to civilian life too.

- And he just… wants to grow old with you and share tender smiles and slow dance in the shop after it’s closed for the day.

- He loves you, and someone would have to be blind, deaf and dumb to not see that.

#Naruto #Yamato #Naruto Yamato #Yamato x reader #Yamato hcs #naruto yamato hcs #yamato x reader hcs #I just... word vomitted everywhere on this #I would say I'm sorry #but this boi deserves all of my life #did I go overboard?#Probably #This is probably the longest head canons thing I've ever done #but do I regret it?#Not a goddamn chance #I love this man #please love him as much as I do

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yandere-daydreams · 5 years

Note

Dazai kidnapping his s/o?? Thank you so much I love this man so much I’m dying help-

We love *feelings* on this blog, screw any solid concept in the physical world. I’m over anything I can’t properly evaluate with a vibe check.’

TW: Drugs, Immobilisation, and Non-Consensual Touching.

You didn’t think you could move your arms, anymore.

Leaning back in one of the café’s more plush chairs, your hand resting at the base of a white mug on the closest table, you began to think you couldn’t move much of anything, really. It wasn’t that you couldn’t feel your arms and legs, no, you were more than aware of how uncomfortable your shoes were and the heated porcelain starting to singe at your fingertips, you just… couldn’t do anything about it. The thought of trying crossed your mind, but for whatever reason, you simply couldn’t be bothered to go through with even the slightest of movements.

You didn’t shift as your cup was moved away from you, quickly replaced with an identical mug as a brown-haired man sat across from your own seat. His name played on your lips, but among the thick, heavy nothingness swimming and swirling in your mind, no identifiable characters came to the surface. Dai, maybe? Dabi?

He chuckled, leaning forward as he slipped something into his own cup. A black, conjugated fluid that couldn’t be edible. “It takes a while to settle,” He laughed, stirring the now-dark liquid for a moment before taking a sip, grimacing as he pulled away. “Hopefully, it’ll kick-in before whatever I gave you does.”

Oh, Dazai.

The revelation surprised you less than it should’ve.

Your eyes flickered towards him, the only part of your body you could fathom controlling. He was blurry, in your peripheral, but you were able to make out enough to recognize the man you’d cut contact with. That same trenchcoat, white gauze stretching from his neck to his wrists, that same wide, innocent smile, the one he’d worn while breaking the news about the unfortunate accidents that left most of everyone you were close to dead. For a while, you wondered if he thought you should be alone because he was, if he wanted to see you cry because he hated you, despite the many times he’d tried to prove the opposite.

Then, you decided it didn’t matter, not really.

There wasn’t a very defined line between his loathing and his love, after all.

“You should really keep your drinks more protected, you know. Anyone could’ve slipped anything into it, and not every drug is as harmless as the ones I chose to use.” As he spoke, something burnt in your head, a single, white-hot spike of something awful. You must’ve cringed or flinched or blinked the wrong way, because Dazai shrugged, taking another sip of his own vile drink before he continued. “It’s mostly harmless, I mean. I don’t think there’ll be any lasting effects, after… twelve, fourteen hours? And you’ll only have to be awake for three or four of those. At least I’m not heartless enough to keep you conscious, like this. Now, that would be hell.”

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t, but you wouldn’t have, regardless. There was nothing to say, nothing besides the obvious. You could scream and argue and try to be rational, but in the end, Dazai’d never had any interest in things like ‘logic’. Not when he was so ready to make you believe whatever ideology would be more convenient to him, that day.

With a sigh, Dazai acknowledged your silence, nodding solemnly as he slotted himself into the arm of his own chair, now cradling the liquid that only seemed to grow worse by the second. “I bet you missed me. I guess you don’t have a lot to do besides miss me, these days,” Dazai explained, his voice bordering on something empathetic. It was somber, absolutely, but the pseudo-acceptance he displayed did little to trick you into thinking he was a changed man. “And I’ll know you won’t, pretty soon. I never really liked it when you thought about other things. You know how much it used to bother me, right? I used to get jealous, then I would get mad, then you would get mad… it was frustrating, wasn’t it? Exhausting, for both of us. This’ll be a lot simpler, I think.” Finally, his gaze dropped to the wooden tabletop, his smile softening into something sweeter, more nostalgic. “I’ve got something adorable set up for you, too. Had Atushi help me repaint the walls and everything, just so the guest room would feel a little more… homey, if that makes sense. I might not even have to use the handcuffs, if you don’t try anything after we get you sobered up.”

At this, you did try to open your mouth. Questions were instinctual, and they felt necessary, even if part of you knew they wouldn’t affect your situation. But, no sooner than you’d tried to pry your jaw open, you found yourself falling forward, colliding with the table before collapsing to the floor completely, the numbness you’d been fending off forcing its way into your veins, making it so you could hardly keep your eyes open, let alone think. Your head hurt, everything hurt, the pain aching, dull, terrible. You’d be writhing, if you were able to, but you weren’t.

All you could do was lay there, suffering in polite, peaceful, passive silence.

But, you were still lucid as muted sounds fussed around you, someone lifting you arm before dropping it again, a worried girl asking no one in particular if she should call an ambulance. But, a gentle tone dismissed her, thin arms soon wrapping around your form, lifting you off the ground, something about ‘having these episodes’ satisfying any stray lingerers.

You’d been glad you were simply immobilized, rather than helpless and unconscious. You appreciated knowing what was going on around you, feeling all the small annoyances and textures of the real world, just… being aware, even if it wasn’t pleasant. But, as his lips pressed against your shoulder, Dazai squeezing your thigh so playfully…

You almost wished he’d been a little more merciful.

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buckysforeverprincess · 4 years

Text

Can Our Love Survive? Ch. 2

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Words: 1342

Warnings: None really

A/N: welcome back! Hope you enjoyed chapter 1. This chapter focuses on the relationship the reader has with Natasha. The reader depends on this friendship and you’ll find out more about why in later chapters. For now, enjoy the banter between the two!

**TAG LIST IS OPEN UNTIL CHAPTER 15, PLEASE SEND AN ASK**

A few weeks had passed since you’d met Bucky in the hallway. He seemed like a great guy with an even better personality, and you knew your first impression of him was correct. You were falling for this guy, hard and fast. The problem was, he didn't know it and you certainly weren't about to rush into a confession of attraction to Mr. Hot As Fuck!

It's not that you didn't have the opportunity to talk to him and could’ve done so countless times over. Bucky and Steve were seemingly attached at the hip and wherever one was, the other wasn't far behind. Bucky had even become a fixture at your house, hanging with Steve, doing homework or whatever bro thing guys do. There was a serious bromance boiling between the two and you were not getting in the middle of that. Nat even started referring to the two as “Stucky” and it fit them like a glove.

Besides, your anxiety made it near impossible to interact with him. He'd already seen you have a panic attack during your first meeting, and even though he didn't have a negative reaction, you couldn't stand the thought of him thinking of you as Steve’s creepy sister. Too many people already though that about you so, it's best just to stay quietly in the shadows and just exist. No reason to draw anymore extra attention to yourself.

You were so lost in thought sitting by yourself in the lunchroom, you didn't hear your best friend approach.

“Y/N!” Nat yells, breaking you out of your trance. “I've been calling your name. Are you deaf?”

“Yes, yes I am. Can't you see my hearing aid?” You smirk, pointing to the ear that was clearly void of a hearing device.

Nat doesn’t look impressed and rolls her eyes at you. “I must’ve missed seeing it with your head shoved so far up your own ass. What are you doing here alone, anyway?”

“Uh, pretty sure I'm doing what everyone else is doing and eating lunch?” It comes out as more of a question. You could already tell this was not going to end well. Nat knew you were deflecting and wasn’t about to put up with your shit.

“Ok…,” she says a little too calmly for your liking, “I'm not buying whatever it is you’re selling. You've been too quiet lately and it ends now. If you continue to isolate yourself, you’re letting him win. It's time to move forward and forget what that ass hole and his friends did to you.”

Sighing heavily, you know she's right, but you still crawl into yourself a little more. “Nat… it's not that easy-”

“The hell it isn't!” Nat cuts you off, a burning fury in her eyes. “He used you, and once he was done, he let his friends humiliate you. That piece of shit took advantage of your kindness and left you feeling like you were at fault! You know none of what happened was your fault and I’ll be damned if you continue to shut yourself off from anything new because of that raving lunatic!”

You could feel your eyes start to water. Everything she said was true, but you just hated knowing you ultimately let it happen. The result of trusting Brock Rumlow was a ruined reputation, humiliation from everyone at school, anxiety and panic attacks, and shutting people out and keeping others at a safe distance. Only your core group of friends knew what really happened, and that was stressful knowing you had let them down by not listening to their advice in the first place.

“Nat, can we please not talk about this?” You began wiping the tears from your eyes, upset from the mention of “he who must not be named”.

“Alright…,” she conceded, “…let's talk about something else. How's James?” She throws you a pointed smirk.

You chuckle and shrug your shoulders. “Wouldn't know. You'd have to ask Steve. Why, are you interested?” You try to deflect again, not wanting to address her question.

“Y/N, you know he's not my type, but he is yours. You should talk to him.”

You laughed out loud, Nat watching you with her trademark stoic face looking none too pleased by your new-found amusement. “Yeah, I'm not about that life at this time. I've given up talking to guys for Lent.”

“Good thing Easter is in the spring and not fall, you've got plenty of time to make a move.”

Her quick-witted reply makes you roll your eyes. “And what makes you think this’ll turn out any better than last time?”

Nat leans in, her eyes locked on yours. “Because, darling… I'm giving you the go ahead. I never did before.”

“You never said anything.” You remind her.

“My silence on the matter should have told you my feelings. For someone so smart, you can be so dense. Besides, I think he likes you and Steve can vouch for him.”

“Now look who's dense” You joked. “All the more reason to stay away. I can't come between a Stucky romance. Think of the children!” You laughed, using Nat's nickname for the pair.

“Look, all I'm saying is talk to him, not plan your future wedding. Let him know there's more to you than the rumor mill and panic attacks. James could be the one to surprise you.”

“Nat... I just can't. Look...,” you pointed to the other end of the lunch room.

Nat turns and focuses her attention to Steve and Bucky. They were surrounded by a few of your mutual friends, one of them being her current love interest, Sam. The boys were surrounded by some of the more popular girls in the school, the ones who had helped to humiliate you after word got out about what happened between you and Brock, and they had their claws set on Bucky.

“What I see is a guy who's just being nice. Don't let them get to you.” She turns back around to face you.

“Kinda hard not to…. they know how to get what they want,” it comes out as a whisper and sounding slightly hurt. You knew you’d never be that pretty and overly confidante. You were shy and reserved and hella awkward. Certainly not the girl of anyone's dreams.

Nat looked at you and you could see the gears turning. “I'll make you a deal. You talk to him, really talk to him, and after a month if he doesn't like you even more than I'm sure he already does, I'll let you drive my car.”

You were shocked. Nat owned a black 1970 Pontiac GTO Judge with white racing stripes courtesy of her grandfather. She never let anyone drive her piece of American muscle.

“For a week?” You began contemplating her offer.

She huffed but resigned to her fate. “Agreed, but no half ass attempts. You need to go all in! That car means way too much to me, so I need some serious effort outta you.”

“Aww Nat, I knew you loved me! I promise, no half assing it.” You smiled.

You looked at the clock and noticed this entire conversation took up your whole lunch hour. “We better go, teachers gotta get paid.” You grabbed your trash and walked to the nearest exist, Nat following you out the door towards your next class.

“One-month Y/N, starts now…and you know I never make a bet I can't win.” Nat says, confidence radiating out of her pores.

“Wait, what do I get if I win?” You called out to her as she walks away.

“Prince Charming and a fairy tale ending.” Nat smirks and walks away down the hall.

“Shit.” You sighed and scrunched your face. How the hell were you going to pull this off? There was no way Bucky liked you, Nat was fooling herself. You were just Steve’s sister. Nothing special. So, how were you going to get his attention and win the guy of your dreams? Fuck, if you knew. How the hell was this even your life?

COLS TAGS:

@ellallheart @nerdy-bookworm-1998

Forever Tags:

@caplanreads @the-real-kellymonster @jamesbarnesappreciationclub @kruscht @v-2bucky @palaiasaurus64 @breezy1415 @amandaoftherosemire @sarahp879 @supernaturaldean67 @averyrogers83 @winters-beauty @scarlettsoldier @lovely-geek @titty-teetee @suz-123 @malfoysqueen14 @callmebucky-doll @ronnie248-blog @alyssaj23 @drakelover78 @thisismysecrethappyplace @geeksareunique @childishhoebinoo @thesassmisstress @brieannakeogh @peaceinourtime82 @theoneanna @leosandbuckysgirl @coal000 @the-goddess-of-mischief @mychemicalimagines @awkwardfangirl2014 @strangenerdsstuff @sea040561 @marvelobsessedteen @capnbuck-tiltheend-oftheline @thefandomplace @collette04 @nishanki1 @notyourtypicalrose @jamielea81 @onebatch--twobatch @courtmr @emelody @miraclesoflove @kcd15 @clarysthing @crist1216 @yknott81 @babypink224221 @xxloki81xx @death-unbecomes-you @ellaprime68 @littlemarvelfics @thatfanficstuff @hotoffthepressfics @chuuulip @dj-lowkey @shield-agent78 @unlikelygalaxygiver @viarogers @dtftheavengers @firstangeldragonranch @southernbell91 @lancetuckershairgel

#can our love survive #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #eventual bucky x reader #james barnes #james bucky barnes #steve rogers #steven grant rogers #slow burn #marvel #marvel au #marvel characters

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ellana-ravenwood · 5 years

Text

“I’m in, I’m all in” - Jason Todd x Single!Mom reader part 5/5

And here we are, the end of this series. I really enjoyed writing it haha. Well, obviously since this was supposed to be a ONE SHOT and turned into a...Five part series haha. Anyway, I really hope you like this last part, and thanks to y’all for all the reactions to this series, it was really motivating and encouraging <3.

FINISHED SERIES : PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4 NEWLY ADDED EPILOGUE : PART 1/3

My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives

________________________________________________

A few weeks before Viggo’s kidnapping :

Jess’ can’t catch his breath, as they take his head out of the dirty rain water they were drowning him in. He coughs some filthy liquid, but just as he barely catches his breath they dip him in once more.

And again. And again. And again.

Each time, he almost drowns, but not completely. It’s pure torture.

“This’ll teach you to not pay your debt.”

He hears one of the thug who keeps plunging his head into the water say. And here we go again, face first into the shallow puddle.

How humiliating it is as well, to be drowned in that way, in a dirty puddle, behind an old warehouse...Oh ? This time, the thugs don’t hold his head under water as long as the others, and Jess is able to catch his breath faster.

His mind is racing as he begs :

“Wait wait wait !”

He didn’t actually want to do that but...This was his last chance of survival. His last chance to get out of the mess he put himself in. So what if others have to suffer because of him ?

Now sure, he never wanted to ever involve you in his life again, not after he left without a word, but right now..The situation was hopeless, without you.

And so, Jess heard himself say :

“Wait wait wait ! I-I have an old buddy of mine who recently got in contact with me ! He wanted some- cough - some information about my ex fiancee !”

The two thugs who were waterboarding him look at their boss, a sinister smirk on their faces. Said boss, Antonio Falcone of the Falcone family, arguably the most powerful mafia in Gotham (if it wasn’t for those damn Maronis), shakes his head, exasperated at the poor attempt of this guy to save his life.

He owed them hundred of thousands of dollars, and couldn’t pay them. If it was just a couple thousands, they would have broken his legs and made him do odd jobs for them to make it up to them once he healed...But that Jess ?

He owed them more than most of the people that borrowed money from them REUNITED ! It was outrageous. And somehow, that sleazy motherfucker always got away with getting more and more money, while never paying it back.

But it had been going on for long enough.

Antonio wouldn’t let that go. Couldn’t. Especially not since he was in a good line to get up in ranks. At least, according to his uncle, Carmine Falcone, the Don of the family !

Having a guy owing them that much money in his district was bad publicity. He couldn’t let that go. He gestured for his thugs to waterboard him some more before finally ending it, but that annoying little man kept on going :

“He’s a paparazzo you see ? He takes picture of...Well you know what paparazzi are ! Well he took picture of that woman, who was hanging out with the Waynes, you see ?”

The Waynes ? As in “Bruce Wayne” ? Richest family in Gotham ? Antonio Falcone stopped the thugs from drowning that poor excuse of a man and said :

“What about them ?”

“Well my buddy wanted to know if- cough- if the woman was her. My ex. My ex fiancee. And it was, it was ! He had pictures of her kissing one of the eldest Wayne boys, that Jason guy, the one whom everyone thought died ! And she has a son ! I mean...”

A light came on in Jess’ minds. Yes. Of course. Why didn’t he think of that before ? Yes. They would be his salvation !

“Yeah ! It was her ! And my son ! And they were close to the Waynes ! I have pictures, I can prove it to you ! I’m sure we can...I’m sure we can come up with some sort of a plan so I can get your money, and even more, thanks to them ! I have hundreds of pictures taken of them being the entire day together, and clearly being close ! We know Bruce Wayne already paid ransom before, even if Batman had to get into it and ruined things but...I’m sure we can be smarter ! I’m sure we can have a plan ! A man like you, mister Falcone, surely is smart enough to get away with it ! As long as nobody gets hurt and we plan things smoothly, it should be fine, right ? We-I mean you, could go away from this much richer than you were before !”

Jess surely had a good self-preservation instinct, as he instantly switched to flattery and...Well, it always worked very well on “Mister Falcone”.

Antonio Falcone looked upon that miserable man with disdain, but with also some kind of new found respect. A man willing to sell his own kid to save his life ? Well, it was someone he could relate to haha. After all, he didn’t hesitate to kill his own father to climb up in ranks...

And Jess said his ex-fiancee and his son were hanging out with the Waynes huh ? Well. Well well well.

As much as he disliked that that asshole would get away with owing them that much money once again, Antonio had to admit that they needed Jess to come up with a plan that would keep everything “bat free” and smooth...

Oh, this could actually turn an embarrassing situation into a way of shining in front of the boss !

************

A few hours before Red Hood tries to save Viggo :

And this is how a plan came to life. A nasty plan, made by cowards. A plan to steal a child from his family, just so they could have money.

But for what it was worth, Viggo was never supposed to be hurt. Plus the Waynes ? What would a couple of millions do to their bank accounts ? They were all filthy rich !

Jess tried to rationalize his bad decisions after bad decisions, tried to shift the blame on others, as he always did. Besides in the end, he was still alive. And that’s really all that mattered to him right now. So what if they bribed a couple of judges and lawyer, and go the kid’s custody thanks to that ?

Only there was a little problem in their perfectly laid out plan...That goddamn child being way too curious and hearing things he shouldn’t have !

“COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE BRAT !!”

Never before Viggo had been that afraid, as he heard “his father”’s steps grow closer and closer. He rushed as fast as he could down the stairs, almost falling over and breaking his neck. He jumped over the last two steps, and ran to the bathroom he saw when he first came in the house.

He snatched the home phone on his way. He figured that trying to escape through the front door was stupid, as he saw Jess closing it earlier. Plus where was he gonna run to anyway ? In Gotham’s street ? At this hour, no one would take notice of him and Jess would catch up too fast...

But barricading himself in the bathroom with the phone ? He had a chance to warn someone ! To say what was happening, and get some help !

Jess was right on his heels as Viggo closed the bathroom door.

“Open up right now, Viggo ! This isn’t what you think !”

Jess said, banging loudly on the door. Viggo scoffed and answered :

“Oh yeah ? Well what is it then ?!”

Silence. Two more bangs, grunts and bad words, and then...total silence.

Viggo didn’t wait for an answer or anything, as he typed his mom’s number on the home phone. He also figured that there was no point in calling 911.

First, in Gotham, they were always very slow. And second, what was gonna happen once they arrived ? Jess would tell them about winning custody not long ago, about being his dad, and the cops wouldn’t believe anything he would say. Because custody battles ? They were always pretty nasty so...

If anything could be said about Viggo (Y/L/N), it was that he wasn’t stupid.

Jess was quiet outside of the room, which was pretty worrying. He gave up way too fast trying to open the door...But Viggo’s mind, no matter how smart that little boy was, wasn’t thinking about that right now.

No, instead, he was praying for you to just pick up and quick ! Tears were slowly gathering in his eyes, as he was slowly realizing that he might be in really big troubles, and he just wanted to see you...

Your phone rung a few times before it went to your voice mail. Viggo’s heart stopped. No. No already ?!

It was late, you were at work. You didn’t answer your phone when at work. At least not when it was an unknown number. If it was your best friend, or whoever babysat your son, you’d answer immediately, but a random number you never saw before, such as Jess’ home phone ? Nope...

Especially when working at the bar, like tonight. You might have not even heard your phone ringing !

He left a message, hurriedly talking about what he heard Jess say on the phone, talking about the Falcone and all. And then hung up. He tried to call a few times, but he knew there was not much hope...

Now, Viggo really wanted to cry. He felt so helpless, and it had been such a tough day ! Making his luggage to follow a dad he never even met before, only to realize that this was all a scam of some sort...

It was a lot, for a little eight years old boy !

But that said little eight year old wasn’t one to give up easily, and so he started to call the next person he first thought of.

Jason.

He knew Jason’s number by heart, and typed it on the phone, sure that the man would rush to his aid no matter what he said ! There was NO WAY Jason wouldn’t come to help. Even if he wasn’t with his mom anymore, Viggo was convinced that he’d rush to his aid anyway !

And if Jason didn’t pick up, cause it was late ? He could always call the Manor ! Or Bruce ! The man gave him his number last time, when they ate ice cream and all, before his mom came back. He said : “call whenever you want, whenever you need” ! Yes, Yes Viggo would just...

A loud bang, a gunshot, made him jump in the air, scared and...What ?

The door handle fell on the floor, fuming slowly. Smoke filled the small bathroom quickly, as the door opened on two large men holding guns and...

“Are you kidding us, Jess ? Really ?”

“What ? The little fucker is fast ok ? I couldn’t grab him before he locked himself in there. I tried to bust the door open but I couldn’t.”

The two men shook their head, exasperated. One grabs Viggo, but the little one wasn't ready to get caught without a fight. He kicked him as hard as he could in-between his legs. The man let him go, and fell to his knees, holding his crotch and whining something along the line of “motherfucker”.

Viggo tried to escape again, and he almost succeeded as Jess was just staring at him dumbly but...The second stranger grabbed him. He laughed and said :

“Haha that kid has more courage than you’ll ever have Jess ! And he’s definitely smarter than you. Are you sure he’s yours ?”

Jess just glared back but didn’t say anything. Now the man was pointing at the phone that escaped Viggo’s hand when he got surprised, understanding that the kid tried to call someone.

“Did you manage to get anyone on the line ?”

He asked, as he roughly lifted Viggo by his shirt. Your boy tried to struggle more, but the man was too strong and with his free hand stopped him from squirming. Keeping a face full of pride, and trying to look very unimpressed, Viggo said :

“Yeah I did. And they’ll be here to kick your ass very soon !”

Of course, that was a lie. But they didn't know that, did they ?

The man took the phone from the floor and lifted it to his ear. The answering machine from Wayne Manor was just ending on a “Wayne are not here, please leave a message if you must”. The man hung up, whistled, and said :

“Ah, well damn, he’s really related to the Waynes too somehow ! Damn Jess, who would’ve thought you’d be the one leading us to a treasure like that huh ?”

“I told you didn’t I ? There literally were hundreds of pictures of her kissing that Jason Todd guy, and of my boy here playing with the two youngest Waynes !”

“I’m not your boy !”

Viggo yelled, angry, twisting his head to look at Jess, daggers shooting out of his eyes while still being stuck in that man’s arms. Said man laughed again and said :

“Well kid, if it’s any consolation, you’re definitely nothing like that coward. You, have got spirit. He, sold you to save his own life haha. How’d that make you feel ?”

Why ? Why was that man twisting the knife further into Viggo’s heart ? The little boy already understood that his own father was doing something very fishy, but knowing that he was selling him to those guys ? That was...well, actually, that didn’t feel as bad as Viggo thought it would.

It was in fact some sort of relief ? To know that that Jess was nothing of a father ! To know that he didn’t actually want to be part of his life, and that he didn’t have to forget...Oh, but THAT did hurt. The pang in his chest as he realized he wished Jason was there, that HE was the dad he always wanted.

But hey, maybe that it was clear that Jess was an asshole, Jason would come back, realizing that he still had his place in the picture ?

It was funny, that Viggo’s mind wandered to the one he wanted so bad to be his dad, as he was carried away by two scary strangers, and thrown in a car.

“So what am I doing now ?”

Jess asked, and one of the thug turned to him and said :

“You call her tomorrow and then...Nothing. If this all deal goes well you’ll never hear from us again. If it goes sideways however...”

Leaving the threats flying in the air, he climbed into the front seat with a dangerous smirk, and Jess gulped. The other man, the one whose balls’ Viggo kicked, rubbed his crotch a bit and was about to climb in the car too, in front of the wheel, when Jess stopped him :

“Hey, you’re not gonna hurt the kid right ?”

“Why, you got attached to him or something ?”

“No, I never wanted kids. But he...He didn't do anything ok ?”

“No he didn’t, and yet he’s paying for his father’s sins. How unfair life is right ?”

“But you’re not gonna hurt him right ? It’s not part of the plan.”

“Him kicking me in the nuts wasn’t part of the plan either. And him knowing our plan, wasn’t part of the plan. Oh, and us being here that early to pick the kid up ? Definitely not part of the plan. All that because you couldn’t find a quiet place to call Antonio. You fucking idiot. So now, who knows what will happen right ?”

There’s a silence, and Jess suddenly feels sick. Sure, so far he didn’t really think of anything else but saving his own skin, and he worked so hard to try and get close to you again...but then you destroyed all his attempts and they had to retort to going to court and now...Now slowly, Jess realized what he had done.

But it was too late now. Anyway, was it really that big of a secret, that he was a piece of shit ? After all, he left his pregnant fiancee fending on her own just because he couldn’t face her and say it was too much for him ! Still, one last time Jess says :

“Nothing will go according to plan, if you hurt the kid.”

The man doesn’t answer, as he just smiles and climb into the front seat. And slowly, they drive away. Jess’ eyes caught Viggo’s terrified gaze as he was taken away, and a sudden pang of regret took over his heart...

Up until he realized that he still was able to feel his heart beating thanks to that kid. And to his ex, you, who happened to be linked to the Waynes. Plus, that guy was just trying to scare him, of course they weren’t going to hurt the kid ! They needed him in one piece, if they wanted the money !

And with a sigh, Jess went back into his house. He just had to wait until the next day to call you and say they had your son and all that, and this all nightmare would finally be over. FiNALLY.

************

The present :

Jason’s heart drops. His blood freeze. His mind goes blank.

Viggo wasn’t breathing. And his skin was so cold.

No. No no no no no. Please god no. Everything but this.

Not Viggo. Not his precious little boy. No…

But no matter what Jason was doing, his CPR didn’t seem to work. And the kid was growing colder and colder.

“No ! No ! Come on Viggo ! Come on boy, please ! Please don’t leave me !”

The boy was unresponding. His lips were blue.

“Don’t go please don’t go ! You can’t go ! You can’t leave your mom ! You can’t leave me ! Please, please !”

But Viggo wasn’t breathing. Wasn’t moving. And his skin was know frighteningly cold. His eyes weren’t opening…and he wasn’t breathing.

“Come on, come on breathe. Breathe…Come on, son, BREATHE !!”

A minute went by, and Jason knew the situation was dire. How many more minutes until the boy would have permanent brain damage ? And...What if he didn’t wake up ?

No. No no no. This wasn’t possible. Viggo couldn’t die ! His little boy couldn’t die !!

Jason, tears in his eyes, kept on giving him CPR, with the desperation of a man who would do anything to save his child.

“Come on, come one Viggo, come back to me ! Come on, you’re a fighter right ! Come on, come back ! Please ! Please son, come back !”

Another minute went by. And Viggo was still not breathing, growing colder and colder and...

Three little coughs.

Jason’s breath caught.

************

A few hours before Jason tries to desperately revive Viggo :

Coming home to an empty house was odd. This was the first time you were alone in your apartment, without Viggo welcoming you back cheerfully (the little fucker never listened to his babysitter about his “bed time”, and would always wake up to come and jump in your arms). The first time in eight years.

You didn’t like it. You didn’t like it at all.

You felt as tears came back to your eyes, at how unfair this all situation was.

You knew that this trial to get Viggo’s custody was bogus. That somehow, Jess had rigged it. You had no idea why, but you knew there was no way any sane judge would give custody of a child to a father who wasn’t there for the first eight years of his life.

Even more so since everything went so fast, every paperworks was signed in a matter of a few days ! And they took him away from you and...

The tears spilled over. This was starting to be too much. And you caught yourself wishing Jason was here...You knew that he would know exactly what to do, in that situation. You knew he would never let it happened in the first place !

But Jason wasn’t here. Jason broke up with you. Because it was “too much” for him and...Yup, you were definitely crying again.

It was fine though, this time, Viggo wasn’t there to witness it...The thought of your son not being peacefully asleep in his bedroom made you cry even more.

You went to his room, and laid in his empty bed. Holding his pillow tight in your arms, you cried and cried, smelling his odor as it was already starting to disappear...When would you be able to see Viggo again ?

Jess didn’t seem to want you to see him much. Actually, you were pretty sure he was planning on making you regret those weeks of him trying to come back into your life, and you pushing him away.

And so you cried. Without anyone to comfort you, not even your little precious son...That’s when your phone rung.

Uh ? A text. You just received a text. You quickly looked at it and “a new voice message is waiting on your voice mail”. Oh right. Probably from that unknown number that called a few times before, when you were at work.

You never answered those calls, especially not at work, but messages ? Sure, you listened to them. You never know, some could be good news.

“Mom !”

Your heart skipped a beat. That was Viggo’s voice ! And he seemed scared ! You had no idea how you knew, but you could feel how your son felt even through the phone !

“Mom ! Jess didn’t want me still mom ! He’s with them Falcone people ! The ones in the paper ! And I don’t know why but he wants to take me to them and he wants to call you after mom ! Mom come please !”

This send a rush of adrenaline to your brain, and you jumped on your feet, grabbing your bag before running out of your apartment.

You didn’t go far though, realizing you had no idea where Jess lived. Motherfucker didn’t even give you an address. For “his own safety” they dared to tell you...But you had his number !

Without thinking twice, you called him. It rung three time before he picked up :

“Hello ?”

“What the fuck is happening Jess ?!”

“Ah, (Y/N). Well, hello to you too. I’m doing great, what about you ? Why are you calling so late anyway ?”

Of course he recognized you instantly. Just like you recognized his unpleasant sniveling little voice ! How did you even date that guy again ?! You barked :

“What do you mean ? I just received a panicked message from Viggo telling me some pretty concerning things ?! What is happening ? Where are you ? I’m coming over.”

“Calm down please (Y/N). I’ll have you know all our conversations are recorded, in case I need further evidence for the court that you’re unfit to be a mothe...”

“Shut the fuck up and answer me.”

“Answer you what ? Nothing is happening ok ? Viggo missed you and called you, if he sounds a little distressed it’s no big deal. He’s just a kid who misses his mom alright ?”

Oh. It was clear Jess had actually no idea what your son could have possibly said to you in his message, or he wouldn’t be so chilled about it all. You continue :

“You say those conversations are recorded right ?”

“Yup.”

You wished he was right in front of you right now, so you could bash his stupid face in. You hated the way he just said “yup”, so proud and satisfied of himself. So you delivered your fatal blow quickly :

“Oh ? And what would they think when I’ll tell them Viggo said you had something to do with the Falcones ?”

There’s a silence at the other end of the line, and you’re pretty sure you heard his breath catch as you said your last words. Finally, he says :

“Ok well, I guess I won’t play more games then.”

************

The present :

Three little coughs.

Jason’s breath caught...to finally let a long relieved sigh when Viggo started to vomit some water, and breathe again.

“Yes, yes that’s good my boy, that’s good, let it all out. Let it all out...”

Jason said, helping Viggo to sit up, patting his back soothingly as the little boy coughed the rest of the water that were stuck in his lungs.

Jason never felt so relieved. So light. So...He was going to be ok. The boy was going to be ok. Right ? He turned his face to him, and was suddenly worried again as Viggo’s eyes seem to have trouble focusing on his face.

And the kid was still so cold.

Without thinking about it twice, Jason took his jacket off, thanking his father for creating all their costumes waterproofed ! Even though Jason jumped into the freezing water too, his clothes were still dry and he therefor wasn’t as cold as the poor kid.

Jason wrapped Viggo’s small body in his heavy leather jacket. He helped him put his legs where the arms were suppose to go, so as to create some kind of pants for him, and wrapped his upper body with the rest of his jacket.

Jason was a tall man, and Viggo ? A rather short eight year old. The Red Hood’s jacket fitted around him perfectly, big enough to wrap all around him.

The boy took a few deep breath, but was still not speaking. And his teeth were clacking against each others...

Jason took him in his arms, and held him close, rubbing his back and legs in an attempt to warm him.

“Come on Viggo, you’re ok son, you’re ok. Right ? You’re ok. You’re breathing. You just need to warm up, you’ll be fine. Right ? You’re ok, you’re ok.”

Jason heard himself chant, more trying to convince himself than anything else. And Viggo was still not talking...but his teeth and shaking were slowly disappearing.

Until finally, he calmed down and snuck closer to Jason, snuggling his little face in the man’s warm chest.

“Viggo ? Are you ok ?”

“The Jason...”

Fuck. He recognized him. Well, duh, of course he did, Jason had to take his helmet off to give him CPR, and didn’t put it back on. Obviously he was going to recognize him ! Well. Too fucking bad. It was too late now to do anything about it anyway.

So what if he knew his secret identity ? Jason trusted that kid enough to know he’ll never tell anyone else. Viggo pulled away from Jason slightly, and, still wrap tightly in the leather jacket, he managed to free an arm and reached up to lay a small cold hand on the man’s tears riddled cheek.

“This explains a lot.”

For a second, Jason lost himself to the touch of his little boy. Yes. “His”. He didn’t even want to hide how he felt about that kid anymore. In his heart, Viggo had been his son for a long time. And finally being able to be near him again made Jason feel lightheaded.

He had dreamt for so long, to be able to talk, play with and hug that little one. Just like when he was still dating you. Putting him in bed, and telling him bedtime stories, as you looked upon the both of them fondly.

Jason had craved, without even realizing it, to see that kid again. And so here, as he laid his small hand on his cheek, wiping away his tears...Jason couldn’t help but feel a little helpless. A little overwhelmed.

He was suppose to be the one reassuring the kid right now, after that traumatic experience. And yet, here was Viggo, wrapped like a little bundle of hay in his leather jacket, comforting him by his mere touch.

For a few seconds, his words didn’t register quite well in Jason’s head until...What ? Uh ? What does “this” explain ? But before Jason could ask, Viggo continues :

“That’s why you left right ? Because you’re Red Hood. You didn’t want us to get involved in all that right ?”

Viggo said, showing the three unconscious men around him. And there’s hope in his eyes, and for a moment, Jason thinks about breaking that kid’s heart forever...but he can’t.

He was planing on just saving him and then bringing him home to his mom, but stay cold and distant with him. Stay away. Make him hate him. Not leaving any hope that Jason cared...But here he was, crying his eyes out as he cradled that small boy in his arms, paternal instinct seeping out of his every pore.

And so he couldn’t. He couldn’t stay away from that boy, he knew now. Just like he knew since the beginning that he couldn’t stay away from you forever.

Seeing this hopeful little boy. He just can’t break Viggo’s heart, not after what just happened to him. And damn, why did that kid had to be so insightful and smart ? So observant, too ? Suddenly, he was reminded of all the time you told him that sometimes, having an intelligent kid wasn’t that great.

Because Viggo always seemed to understand what he wasn’t suppose to understand. Always seem to know when things were up, and figured things out way too fast (for real, the easter egg chase wasn’t even fun as he quickly figured out wherever the “easter Bunny” could have put eggs...).

And so Jason looks at Viggo, and he can’t. He just can’t. He can't decide to leave for good. Even more so because even as he thought he was safe if he left his life, he got hurt tonight and...

“You know, we’d be safer if you were with us right ? See, you left us and for the first time in my life I almost died. You should stick around...”

Jason couldn’t do that to him. He couldn’t do that to that cute little one...He couldn’t resolve himself to definitely break his heart and shove him out of his life. Because he loved that kid. To death. And when he got hurt he got so angry, so sick with worries, so helpless, so...so...

Jason couldn’t do that to him. But he also couldn’t do that to himself. He couldn’t stay away like that. He couldn't...Maybe it was selfish, but he didn’t want to not be part of your life, of Viggo’s life. He...He wanted to...he...

Viggo, thoughtfully, was still wiping away Jason’s tears. Not missing one. Focused on his task, as he continued :

”If we’re with you, you can protect us. It’s easier. Cause you’re already there. And you’re Red Hood. So you will always protect us. I’m guessing your family are the rest of the people ? Batman and all ? If we stick around with you, and with them, we’ll be safe for sure. Right ? So you should really come back. And stay with us. Stay with me.”

Jason’s breath caught, and he felt tears welling up in his eyes again. But this time, they were happy ones. Because here, in front of that brave, smart little boy, he never felt so joyful before in his life.

Here, as he finally decided what the actual right thing to do was.

“Smart cookie...”

He says, and then he grabs Viggo by the shoulder before hugging him tight against his heart. Not letting go. Not ever planing on letting go again.

“Don’t leave me alone again, Jason...”

“I won’t, I promise.”

Viggo wraps his little arms around Jason’s neck, and hold him with all his force. Hugging him like he never hugged anyone before, refusing to let go.

Jason doesn’t mind, of course. On the contrary. He gives the embrace back, and stands up, holding the kid against him. Viggo clings to him for dear life, and Jason has absolutely no intention of letting go.

Not this time.

Not ever.

“I’ll never leave you alone again.”

This time, Viggo knows that Jason won’t ever go back on his words. Because there’s so much strength, so much certainty in his few words...Yes. Viggo knows. He knows he finally found what he had been looking for for so long.

And so the little boy lays his head against Jason, and says, right before falling asleep after all those emotions he went through :

“Thank you, dad.”

************

An hour before Red hood saves Viggo :

Jess owed money to the Falcone family. And they took your kid in hope to ask for a ransom to Bruce Wayne.

When you explained you weren't with Jason anymore, Jess panicked and got angry...But then he remembered that Bruce Wayne had paid for the release of total strangers before. Of people he didn’t even know, helping out just because he could. So paying for his son’s ex girlfriend ? He’ll do it.

You tried to tell him this was a ridiculous plan, and to give Viggo back to you before anything could happen but...that’s when he shattered your heart as he explained that your son was already in the Falcones’ hands.

Your mind went blank. You’re pretty sure you insulted and threatened him some more, until you realized there was no point in doing so, right now, you unfortunately had to work with him.

You obviously agreed to not call the police. Not that they’d help much anyway. Plus them knowing would most likely involve the “Bats”, and neither you nor Jess wanted that.

Because no matter how much you admired those night vigilante, and how much you were sure they were needed in Gotham, you were too worried for your son’s safety to want them involved !

And so the obvious next step was...To go to Wayne Manor, and beg for their help. Deep down, you were pretty sure you wouldn’t have to beg that much anyway, knowing how Bruce had been a few days before, when Viggo skipped school to bring back his birthday present to the Manor.

They had ice cream. They played together. They talked. They...They bonded. You knew Bruce really liked Viggo. And really liked you. You knew he would help. But it’s still very nervous that you drove to there.

************

A few minutes before Red Hood saves Viggo :

It was rather late, when you arrived at the Manor and rung the bell. To your surprise, Alfred didn’t answer the door. Bruce did (it was rather late at night, and Gotham had been quiet. He came home early that day, taking advantage of the quietness to take care of Wayne Inc business).

“Wait wait, (Y/N) calm down, calm down. I don’t understand anything you say. Please breathe, and start over.”

He listened to you, a serious face on. Asking you questions sometimes, to have more details. He listened to your entire story, and he felt his blood boil.

That Jess...How dare he ?! Bruce felt an intense urge to hurt him. To make him regret, to make him suffer, for what he did to you and Viggo. It kind of surprised him, to realize how strongly he felt about this entire issue.

It made him realize, in that moment, that you and your son were already holding a special place in his heart. That all he was waiting for up until now, was for his son to wake up and get back together with you !

It made him realize, as some of his worst side surface, thinking of all the ways he could make Jess suffer, that you two were already family to him. And the would do anything to protect you. So when he listened to you, hearing that Jess gave Viggo to the Falcones’ to pay off his debt, int he hope that your tie to the Wayne family would be enough...His blood boiled.

He, of course, did not hesitate one second to accompany you to the address Jess gave you, “taking his checkbook” with him...Though he had no intention of letting that sleazy ball off the hook that easily.

************

The present :

It was infuriating, to see Jess smile as he opened the door to see you and Bruce Wayne himself.

The little shit was so sure he’d won...it drove you crazy, that he actually did. Because you were here, with Bruce Wayne himself. So of course he won. Bruce was going to give him money to get Viggo back, and Jess would get away with it (again).

The man was actually pretty proud of himself. He handled the situation perfectly, he thought. He came a long way, since having his head shoved in a puddle of water huh ?

Ugh. But he was so obviously proud of himself, it made you furious. And if you weren’t so worried about your son’s safety, you would have already punched him and told Bruce it was time to go.

However, Viggo’s life was on the line. You could feel your son being in genuine danger. And so you did not do anything when he said :

“Please, come on in.”

You followed him in the living room, noticing that your boy’s luggage hadn’t even been unpacked...Your poor baby must have been so scared. Must still be so scared right now, surrounded with strangers !

You hoped to everything you held holly that he was ok. That you’d be able to take him in your arms soon. That things would go back to normal.

And your heart bled at the mere thought of your son all alone, with strangers, and scared. You wanted to hold him against you, you wanted to-wanted to...Bruce’s gaze was fixed on you, and his jaw visibly clenched as he saw tears starting to well up in your eyes.

It was fairly easy to know what was running through your brain right now. He had been in somewhat similar situations than yours before, with his own children. Each and everyone of them had been in danger at some point, and everything had relied on his shoulder to save them.

More than once, he failed to...Jason suffered the consequences of him not being fast enough...The anger this entire situation provoked in Bruce came rushing back, and he turned to Jess, glaring at him.

All of a sudden, the man lost his color, as the famous Bruce Wayne gave him a threatening look. Yo. What was up with that guy ? He always seemed so charming on Tv ? Now sure the situation wasn’t really one to be happy about, of course, but everything would go well if Bruce signed that check. Like chill, it was fine, the situation was handled perfectly well !

You were about to say something, but Bruce didn’t let you. Because there, right now, faced with Jess’ infuriating satisfied smile, Bruce took a decision. And so he says :

“(Y/N) wait for me outside. This is a business transaction between Mister...I do not know your last name. Mister Jess here, and I.”

You look at him, surprise, and starts to say a “But-” but he cuts you off instantly :

“I insist, please.”

You don’t know what made you listen to him, but you can’t find the energy inside you not to. Usually, you would have argued. Say that there was no way, and that you were gonna stay. But...

Bruce had a tone of voice that was hard to resist to.

Plus, you realized that you were completely and utterly trusting him, and if he said you should wait outside, there must be a reason. So without arguing further, you gave him a knowing look and exited the house, going back to the car.

Bruce turns to Jess, and smiles. A dangerous, scary smile. A “Batman” smile. Jess takes an unsure step back, and says :

“So um...are you writing that check or what ? The soonest we’re done with it, the soonest we can get Viggo back.”

That was the straw that broke the camel. The moment Jess should have shut up. Too bad for him now. In a swift move, not letting Jess the time to even know what was happening, Bruce caught him by the collar of his shirt and brought him up to his face.

Bruce was much taller than Jess, and quickly, Jess’ feet left the ground.

“Oh what the fuck man ? What are you-”

“How dare you ? Your own son ?! How dare you use him like that ?!”

“Put me down man ok ? I’m sorry but I didn’t have a choice, I-”

Bruce did not want to hear it. He knew what was going to happen, if he let go. Jess was going to find himself excuses. He was going to justify his disgusting actions. And he was going to stall, and not tell him where Viggo truly was.

And Bruce didn’t want to hear any of it. He was about to cut to the chase. No beating around the bush on that one. “Beating”, what an interesting word...

Bruce threw Jess against his fridge, and the man fell on his ass, the wind knocked out of his lungs. Maybe a few cracked ribs. Definitely lots of bruises.

But Bruce wasn’t finished yet, oh no. He took hold of the man’s collar again, and dragged him to the kitchen’s table, where he smashed his back on said table and head butted him. Hard. Pretty sure he broke his nose.

Jess yelled in pain and fear, and tried to squirm his way out of Bruce’s grasp, but he clearly had no idea who he was facing.

“Where is Viggo ?”

Bruce asked, holding Jess against the table with even more force.

“I don’t know ok ! They took him and I-”

Bruce rolled his eyes and straightened Jess back up, before punching him in the face. Not using his full force, of course. After all, he needed the man conscious for his interrogation...

“Enough bullshit, where is he ?”

“I don’t-”

“Tell me you don’t know one more time, lie to me one more time, and I’ll break your knee cap.”

Bruce says, setting Jess on the floor in front of him and taking hold of one of his leg. Bruce laid a foot on Jess’ chest, making sure the man couldn’t move, and slowly twisted his knee.

“Outch outch outch please, please stop !”

“Tell me where the boy is.”

“Stop ! Please stop !”

But Bruce had no intention to stop. He was sure (gut feelings) that Jess knew where Viggo was, and he wasn’t about to let that asshole get away with all this.

Punching him felt incredibly satisfying. And right now ? Crushing his ribs cage under his foot so he wouldn’t move, and slowly twisting his leg as to give him as much pain as possible ? Well, Bruce didn’t know he could feel such pleasure hurting others.

But when someone touched his family, he tended to lose control...

“Alright fine fine !! Ok ok stop ! I know where he is ! I know where he is ! I’ll tell you everything ok ? I’ll tell you everything !”

But Bruce doesn’t quite let go of the leg yet, instead, he raises an eyebrow and says :

“Start talking.”

And Jess indeed started to talk. He gave all the informations Bruce needed, and there, laid on the floor of his kitchen, looking miserable and pitiable, face bloodied and bruised...Bruce couldn’t help himself.

As soon as he got the informations, he made a quick snapping motion and broke Jess’ leg. And he would have done more, if it wasn’t for you waiting, impatiently in his car.

He was worried that you’d worry too much. He wanted this to be over quick, but he also wanted to give Jess something to think about.

Jess’ scream resonated inside the house, and he grabbed at his limped leg screaming :

“WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING PSYCHO !!??”

But Bruce only looked at him with hatred in his eyes, scoffing once more and saying :

“I’m the psycho ? Maybe. But I never sold my own children to the mafia. I never ran away from taking care of my kids once. Sure I have many flaws, I might have liked a bit too much snapping your leg like a twig, but at least I’m not a piece of shit like you who doesn’t even care in the least about his own son.”

Ah. So that was it. More than Jess attacking his family, it was the fact that he dared to give away his son that easily, that infuriated Bruce. Now he realized it. And of course, to Bruce, his children were everything.

So seeing a man as despicable as Jess, never even wanting to meet his son up until he owed money, and used him...It drove him mad.

“What does it matter to you anyway ? I never even wanted kids ! She forced it on me you know !”

Jess whined, and he immediately realized once again, he should have shut up. Because now Bruce, who was about to leave, was kneeling down next to him and grabbing him by the collar again :

“She forced it on you ? Please, tell me the story. I heard her side, I’m sure you have a lot to say about yours.”

Never in his life would Jess have think that the charming and smiling Bruce Wayne he saw on TV could be that scary, but there he was, staring at him with dead eyes and talking in that creepy voice...

“I mean I...She didn’t quite force it it’s just...Ok maybe when she got pregnant I said we should keep it, and maybe I acted like I was excited but it’s because of the...pressure, you know ? Of the...um...I...”

“Say you’re sorry.”

“You just broke my leg and you want me to-outch outch outch SORRY !”

Bruce was pushing down on Jess’ broken legs, pressing exactly where the bones broke, and got what he wanted out of him. With a last look full of disgust, Bruce stood back up and started to leave, saying :

“You don’t deserve to have a child like Viggo. Or a girl like (Y/N) in your life. I suggest you never enter in contact with them again, or I’ll come back. Better yet, my son, Jason, who’s dating (Y/N) ? He’ll come back. And believe me when I say he’s much less patient than I am.”

Bruce was about to leave but Jess desperately threw himself in his legs and grabbed at the bottom of his pants. Whining, in pain, he managed to say :

“Wait man, you can’t-You can’t just leave like that ! If they know I told you anything, they’re going to kill me ! You hear, kill me !”

Bruce looked down upon Jess with great disdain, and scoffed.

“And how is that my problem ?”

He said, before leaving the room.

Now, of course, his “no killing” rule applied to “not letting someone kill another person”. If he could avoid any death, Bruce would do it, and most likely, he’ll set up a surveillance of some sort to make sure Jess wouldn’t get killed.

Well, to be honest, Bruce was actually planing on getting Jess behind bars. It would be somewhat easier to make sure he wouldn’t die that way, plus he deserved to spend the rest of his life in prison. He was pretty sure that the charge of kidnapping, and in a way attempted murder would be enough to let him rot in prison for a long time. Plus if he had ties with the Falcones...

Yes. Bruce obviously wouldn’t let Jess die, no matter how scummy he was. But hey, Jess himself didn’t know that, did he ? He had no idea that Bruce Wayne was the famous Batman.

And you know what ? It was utterly satisfying, to see a bloodied Jess weeping on his floor, scared to death, so sure he was going to die...Very satisfying indeed.

************

When Bruce came back in the car, the first thing you noticed was his bruised knuckles. But you didn’t say anything.

You listened to him filling you in, listening to him saying that they were holding your son in an old warehouse and that was the rendezvous point, and didn’t mention the bloodied hands.

You could only imagine Jess’ state, by the look of Bruce’s damaged knuckles. And so you just smiled lowly, knowing that at least for this once, justice was somewhat served...

************

Bruce goes in the warehouse alone, leaving you in the car. He convinced you that it was better if he went alone, as they would expect him anyway more than you...But the truth was, he didn’t want to put your life in danger.

He wasn’t about to come in from the front door, if Falcone’s guys were involved, they were most certainly armed and dangerous. He couldn’t risk an entrance obvious like that, Viggo’s life could be in jeopardy.

Bruce noticed a window open on the first floor, and made his way up there quick, lifting himself up thanks to his arms’ strength and agility. He raised his turtle neck all the way to his eyes, so they wouldn’t recognize his face, and slip into the warehouse...

To discover that someone came here before.

Viggo was nowhere to be seen, and three men were laying on the floor, definitely not in a great shape.

Bruce let himself fall on the ground, and went to check the men.

They were definitely Falcone’s. He recognized their guns, no other used this specific build. The two men had been roughed up pretty bad, and were unconscious. Not much infos to get out of them.

But a bit further, was a third man. He was soaked from head to toe, and barely breathing. A batarang was stuck in his shoulder.

Bruce knelt down and made sure the man was actually still alive. He was, but he was definitely weak. Bruce quickly made an anonymous call to the closest hospital and to the police, and gave them the address to the warehouse.

But the men didn’t interest Bruce further. No. What interested him was those water marks, there, near the unconscious-batarang-to-the-shoulder-man. It was shape like someone kneeling next to a small person.

Or rather. A child. Viggo.

Bruce felt his heart beating faster, what happened ? Was he too late ? Did the worst happen ?

Next to the water marks, he found a little piece of fabric...Brown leather...

“Jason...”

Bruce said out loud, recognizing from where this piece of fabric came from. His son’s leather Red Hood jacket. Ah. So he got here first. But how did he know ?

Suddenly however, Bruce felt more at ease.

Because of Jason managed to get here and Viggo wasn’t around anymore, it surely meant that...He saved him, right ? The fact that there was water everywhere was a bit alarming, but Jason would never give up on that little boy...Just like Bruce would never give up on his son.

He stood up, and went straight to the exit of the warehouse and to his car, where you were waiting.

“What happened ? Where is Viggo ?!”

You asked, full of panic. But strangely, Bruce’s words calmed you down (even though he was freaking out internally as well, he hid it well) :

“He’s with Jason.”

“What ?”

“I’ll explain on the way, ok ? And please...bear with me.”

************

Viggo couldn’t believe it. Wow. WOW ! So THIS was the Batcave huh ?

That was crazy. There were so many things, Viggo just didn’t know where to look ! Was that a dinosaur ? AN ACTUAL FUCKING DINOSAUR ?! And what was up with that giant coins anyway ?

Jason had brought him here a few minutes ago, and sat him up on the infirmary table. And though at first Viggo felt very sleepy (he slept most of the way, curled up against Jason even as Jay was driving back to the bat cave), being there, in the middle of this amazing place (the infirmary was where there was most lights, in the center of the cave) woke him up instantly !

But when it seemed like Jason was leaving, Viggo had clutched to his sleeve, scared to be alone again, but Jason reassured him that he was just going to fetch some clothes for him.

At the same time, Jason took advantage of this to fill his brothers in on what was happening. The night had indeed been calm for them, and they were all already home.

Their father had gone earlier, without telling them where, which was surprising but...he could tell him everything later. He knew that he wouldn’t be mad that he brought Viggo back to the cave.

Once everyone knew what was up, they surrounded Viggo and gave him words of support and encouragement, making him feel like he was...part of the family.

Like they really were his super cool and dedicated uncles and aunt.

Damian especially, tried to cheer the little boy up, knowing how traumatic this kind of experience could be. Cassandra was the only one that didn’t say much, but she clutched his hand and Viggo felt instantly better just with this.

A few minutes later, Jason came back with some of his old clothes (that every single kid after him wore, including Cassandra) and gave them to Viggo. They were still a bit too big for the boy, but it was good enough.

A red hoodie (of course), some sweatpants they all wore during training (they were in remarkable condition really), and socks. He couldn’t find shoes that would fit him, so he just brought some slippers that were too big but with which he could still walk.

However, right now, Jason forbid the boy to walk, as he still had to get over the shock of almost drowning...Well to be honest, Jason had to get over the shock of almost losing his boy. Because Viggo ?

He kept gawking at everything in the cave, and asking hundreds of questions to everyone, and seemed completely fine. Jason however needed to-

“MOM !”

Viggo jumped from the table he was sitting on, and started running towards the entrance of the cave. The entrance coming from the house.

Confused, Jason turned back and...his heart clenched.

There you were. With his father ?

The hell just happened ? Wait, doesn’t matter, because you were there. And Jason found himself, despite how awful those past few days had been, smiling like an idiot just by seeing you.

But...Were you going to forgive him for leaving you like he did ?

Viggo was almost to you now. On the way, he lost both his slippers but it didn’t matter. You closed up the rest of the way, running to him, and grabbed him in your arms, clutching him against your heart as he returned your embrace.

You took a good look at him, looking at his face, arms, legs, making sure he wasn’t hurt. But the only thing he seemed to have was a few bad bruise on his face, and a swollen eye. Other than that, he seemed perfectly healthy.

The batfamily gave you and your son time to hug each other, kiss each other and whisper promises that you’ll never leave each others again. And then, slowly, you turned to Jason.

The man was pretty sure that he heard Viggo say “be nice” to you as you walked towards him.

Jason saw Viggo go to Bruce, but he barely register how cute it was that Bruce just instantly picked up the kid as if it was normal, as if he had always been his grandkid, and mentioned something about...ice cream ?

Because you were in front of him now, and he couldn’t read your face at all. Were you happy ? Relieved ? Mad ? Sad ? Furious ?

It seems like you’re about to reach for him, but then, at the last second, your hand bunch up in a fist and you punch him in the guts instead. With all your might.

In the background, you’re pretty sure you heard Damian exclaiming : “Haha yeah ! Serves him right !” and his siblings half-heartedly telling him to not say such things, even if they kinda agreed.

Ok. So you were definitely mad. Jason was straightening back up and ready to apologize profusely to you, when you grabbed him by the back of his neck and crashed your mouth against his.

Savagely. Fiercely. Whole heartedly.

Passed the first few seconds of surprise, Jason kissed you back.

With all his heart too, passionately, fervently.

The world around you dissolved slowly, as there was just you and Jason now. Just his lips moving against yours. Just his tongue licking your mouth open, and then tangling with yours ardently.

You don’t even hear your son asking Bruce to take him away to get some ice cream because this was getting gross, and everyone slowly leaving to go upstairs, in the Manor to leave you two alone to...Figure things out.

The kiss dragged for long minutes, his arms were now tightly wrapped around your waist, as yours were around his neck.

Days of heartbreak, of regrets, of sadness and frustration...vanished in the force of this beautiful kiss.

When finally you separated from each other, you whispered :

“Don’t ever decide something for me like that again, Jason...”

Ah. Of course, just like your son, you figured out why he left. Jason figured that his father probably told you about this all...”Batman/vigilante” thing while driving you here. Eh, he’ll ask him about details later, right now, it wasn’t important, as he answers :

“I thought you’d be safer without me. That you deserved better.”

“I decide what I deserve.”

The way you sound so sure of yourself, so adamant...it makes him feel lightheaded once again. Just like when Viggo touched his cheek, wiping his tears again.

It makes him feel so utterly happy, that he doesn’t know how to react. And he finds himself kissing you again, his lips reluctant to let go of yours. His arms definitely not letting go of you.

“I decide what I deserve.”...Yes, yes you do. How foolish was he, to think he could ever stay away from you anyway ? When you were so strong and...Everything he ever wanted ?

He pulls away from the kiss, and says :

“I have to tell you, (Y/N)-”

“If you’re about to tell me how dangerous it is for me to stay with you, or some bullshit like that, I’ll punch you again. I’ll have you know that as soon as you left us, that’s when we started to be in danger...”

The exact same words your son used. Well, like mother like son. After all, your boy had to inherit all his greatness from someone. And it was certainly not from Jess. ...Jess, whatever happened to him ?

Jason figured that if you were with his dad, it probably meant you went to see Jess and retraced Viggo’s whereabouts and...It didn’t matter for now. He’ll ask his dad later. And he’ll pay a little visit to Jess later, too.

“No, I wasn’t about to say that.”

“Oh. Sorry. Ok, well go on then.”

“Ok - deep breath - I...I want you to know. That this. You and I. I’m in. I’m all in. I’ve always been all in, but I was also an idiot. But now ? Tonight has been eye opening. And from now on, I’ll be there. I won’t leave, unless you want me to. Ever. I’ll never even think, of leaving. I love you. I love you so much. And I know now that I...I can’t live without you. And without Viggo. You two, are my life. I realized that when dumbass me broke up with you, it felt like dying...And I would know how that feels like, believe me. I...I just love you. And you’ll never be “too much” for me, never. In fact, every seconds with you aren’t enough. I love you.”

Wow. You were...certainly not expecting such a love confession. You found yourself speechless, while you wished you could tell him so much. But right now, the shock and joy you felt stopped you from saying anything.

And so you kissed him again, whispering a “I love you” against his lips. And he smiled in the kiss, dragging you with him to the elevator leading up to Wayne Manor.

That night, maybe you were unable to tell him how much you truly loved him, but you definitely showed it to him, rolling around with him in his sheets all night long...

All the while, Bruce and his other kids were having ice cream with Viggo, living their best life binge watching fails video on YouTube. Bruce figured he should give you and Jason some private time...Plus, he really didn’t mind at all spending time with that little boy.

On the contrary...

************

Two years later :

“Dada !”

The little girl exclaims excitedly, moving her arms and legs around and grabbing at the man’s face lovingly. She repeats the word a few times, almost singing it, and then giggles happily.

“No Laura, granddada ! I’m GRAND-dada, not dada !”

Bruce says for the hundred times, as Jason’s daughter is sitting on his lap, facing him and now apparently very interested in his eyebrows.

She stands clumsily on his lap, and reaches up, giggling to herself, and Bruce can’t help but give her a fond look full of love, letting her pulling his eyebrows even if it’s painful. Ah, he’d let that little girl do anything really. The joy of being a grandfather. You could spoil rotten the kids, without fear of any consequences !

Except maybe for a few mis-plucked eyebrows...

“Don’t bother dad, Except for her mom whom she calls “mama” and for Viggo that she calls “ ‘igo”, she calls everyone she likes “Dada.””

Jason says sadly, plopping down in the couch next to his dad.

You, Jason, Viggo and little Laura were visiting the mansion today, to the rest of the family’s greatest pleasure. Dick came by too, just to see everyone, and it quickly became a very pleasant family day.

“How is it fair that she calls her and only her mama ? But then as soon as she kind of like someone she calls them “dada” ? I swear Roy is annoying the hell out of me with that, and he’s telling her that he is indeed, her dada !”

Jason continues, a bit of frustration in his voice. Bruce laughs, unable to stop himself at how sweet it is to see his son get upset at such a trivial thing. Happy, too, that his son can get upset at such a trivial, normal thing, and that his worries aren’t always related to his...”night life”.

“But isn’t it good, dad, that she calls everyone she likes “dada” ? It means that she decided that your name fitted the best the people she loves, because you know, you’re someone she loves very much !”

Jason turns to his son’s voice, and Viggo smiles at him brightly.

Sometimes, like right now, Jason couldn’t quite believe that this was real life. That he really had a family now, and that they were just so...so...So perfect.

You’re walking behind Viggo, and you smile mischievously as you see how upset Jason is that your daughter calls basically everyone nice to her “dada”, and go to him. He grabs you by the waist and drag you on top of his lap, to then kiss you.

Viggo immediately looks away, and goes to his grandfather to hide both his sister’s AND Bruce’s eyes, that sweet little man. He then says :

“Ew, I try to cheer you up and you answer with a sneak kiss attack on mom. So gross !”

Once again, Bruce chuckles. He never laughed so much than in the presence of his grandchildren...But both Viggo and tiny little Laura were extremely funny and sweet, he couldn’t help but smile and laugh when with them !

Damian was coming in now, with a plate full of cookies (made specifically by Alfred so that a one year old little girl could eat them without any danger), and set it on the coffee table in front of the couch, before going to seat in-between his father and Jason, making the latter growl because it meant that he had to shift you in his lap and damn, the little sucker couldn’t sit elsewhere ?

But Damian wanted to sit next to his beloved niece. He had a cookie in his hand, and with a fond smile that appeared on his face only when in the presence of his niece and nephew (like father, like son), Damian gave the cookie to Laura.

The little girl reached for it cheerfully, and patted Damian on the head as a “thank you” (and if it was anyone else but her, Damian would have been furious), and raised the cookie up in the air. She pointed at it and, with a voice full joy and excitement said :

“DADA !”

Everyone in the room burst into laughter, as Jason’s smile was replaced with a vexed frown when he realized his daughter was calling a damn cookie “dada”...

The End (?).

________________________________________________

AND BAM ! The end. I hope you liked it ? Don’t hesitate to leave a feedback and/or reblog ! It’s always very appreciated and encouraging <3 ! Also, I’m thinking of making a little “epilogue” to this story, just fluffiness and cuteness with Jason’s new little family. I mean, I’m convinced he’d be a great dad, so...kinda wanna write more about him with Viggo, and his little girl :). Anyway. Tell me what ya think about that too, and thanks for reading ! This was a blast to write.

Oh and I hope that all Jess story isn't confusing. I didn’t want to go into details about his backstory, so I hope it’s clear enough that he just basically owes money to the wrong people, and bam. That he had been living in Gotham all those years, just avoiding to see reader or Viggo. And that he did some stupid shit...Which prompted him to use reader and his own son ! And bam. Piece of shit alright. I just hope it’s not confusing and was clear enough, as I tried to make it understandable without going into boring details cause the story definitely isn’t about that asshole.

#Jason Todd x Reader #Jason Todd imagine #Red Hood x Reader #Red Hood imagine #Batfam #Batfamily #Batfam x Reader #Batfam imagine #Red Hod #Jason Todd #Jason Todd fanfic #JASON TODD IS GREAT OK ?!#Batfamily x Reader #Batfamily imagine #Fav robin #Jason Todd deserves more love #Jason Todd x Single!mom

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calamariimpossible · 3 years

Text

Magicians on the internet, crypto, and the email that broke me.

This is a continuation of a twitter thread that Muz (@mzkrx) started to write out in his car but then when he plotted out his thoughts, it made more sense to him to put it down in a blog format rather than a thread. You'll find out why as you read through.

Stuck in the car for half an hour so I'm gonna do a thread (Editor's note: Now a whole-ass blog post) about a strange email I got recently.

So I was casually watching magic tricks on YouTube. the funnest part of which to me is reading the comments. YouTube commenters love explaining how they think the trick is done and it's fun to read through their theories and connect dots between similar tricks, etc.

And then one time as I was scrolling I noticed a comment that didn't make sense. It was a string of an almost sentence. Intelligible enough to not be random words but odd enough to read like a trigger phrase for something.

The closest I can describe it as is like the string Zemo used to wake up the Winter Soldier, but with some syntax to it. Like "many thermos wiggle throughout exotic harbinger of circle ascending fuchsia entrapment".

Initially I thought nothing of it, but then I kept seeing them in these magic trick video comment sections. They're never the same string, and it's always under magic trick videos. from different channels even.

Hmmm.

The profiles that posted these comments are also always blank accounts with zero videos and no profile pic. Just their name. I felt like it was too much of a coincidence for these comments to only be under magic trick videos.

I also knew that the world of performance magic is thick with secrets. That is to say, there is deliberate obfuscation of information whenever you try to go online to find out how a trick works.

Magicians get together online and share information with each other just like performers of every other sort as well but the amount of code and doublespeak they use is an order of magnitude more annoying to decipher compared to say, an engineering message board or a gamedev forum.

Knowing that, I thought maybe this almost parsable gibberish I keep seeing everywhere was also some kind of code these people were using to talk to each other.

So I started investigating.

First things first, let's just Google one of the phrases. Maybe that's enough?

And it sorta was.

Pasting them onto the search bar lent me to only 1 result (wild!) and it was a website that looked really dank. Like geocities dank. Annoying neon colours and badly margined jpegs of tarot card images everywhere and a big bold header text that said something to the effect of:

"Congratulations, you've found our hidden message. This portal is only for those seeking knowledge beyond what is on the surface. Continue below."

* * *

I haven't been doing well. I feel like I say that too much. I say it on Patreon, on my personal podcast, whenever any of my friends ask me how I'm doing, pretty much everywhere. I feel very heavy. I understand I'm not the only one feeling like this during a pandemic.

Duh.

But I have this other version of worry that I can't quite articulate until right now: I'm scared I won't be funny anymore. Anwar and Farid can attest that even during our recordings I don't feel up to being funny. I question my jokes a lot. I barely enjoy telling them. I'm worried I'm letting everyone down.

To me, silliness and absurdism as virtues only make sense when the world has trace amounts of injustice and wrongness that training ourselves to see it in our everyday helps us remind ourselves of what is just and fair. The more we consume silliness, the more we are able to recognize silly and point it out. So we don't ignore it when things go wrong, so we talk about it, manage it. So we can take care of each other.

Maybe I can't be sure if we're all up for taking care of each other right now.

* * *

"Continue below" seems instructive, but it wasn't. Like I mentioned, the margins were haphazard and the CSS was all over the place. Some jpegs were straight up cropped off.

Meaning I can't be sure what "below" meant. But there were clickable images and text so I was readily intrigued.

It was tantalizing. Did I stumble into some secret order of Extremely Online Magicians? Maybe I'll finally find out why there aren't many female magicians out there. Maybe it's some sort of secret initiation to a secret message board full of secrety secrets. Secretly.

Y'all.

I didn't click on any of the linked images or anything. I closed the tab. That was the end of that.

An earlier version of myself would gladly run headlong into this rabbit hole to find out more and sink hours into some goddessforsaken labyrinth of links. But the current version of me recognizes this for what it almost certainly is: an abandoned roleplaying game.

Back in the early 00s when the internet was the realm of nerds and nerds only, it was full of people who loved sharing things for sharing's sake. It used to be punk rock to maintain a blog that only talked about snails or have a lo-fi YouTube channel that uploads biweekly 3-minute news about your house, or manage a little message board where people roleplay as wizards who rummage around the net looking for clues.

That last part was a thing I remember being actively involved in. In '03, a group of online friends and I wrote up a scavenger hunt of sorts where we sent people through various blog pages that we have where the goal is to just dick around and have fun. We wasted each other's time for sure. Hundreds of hours of it for literally no gain at all but for some laughs and fun memories.

The internet isn't like that anymore. People don't share something online for sharing anymore. Not really. There's this idea that if you put stuff out there, you want people's attention because numbers are good. You get a lotta reblogs and RTs and Likes which means people Like you.

If you don't have a lotta numbers, you don't matter. If you do, everyone has to talk about what you said or did because it's 'News' now.

Isn't that kinda gross, you think? That we need people to interact through an app to be sure that we're Liked? I say "we" but I mean me. I've successfully poisoned my brain to believe this to a certain extent too and it's not good.

I felt myself physically react when I closed that geocities magician website tab. I shuddered because my brain went from "this is cool" to "I gotta let people know I found this" to "this'll get me hella RTs" to "ew Muz why did you think that" within 3 seconds and I was disgusted with myself.

As a dude who started my online presence on YouTube and parlayed it into my real life comedy/writing career, I've believed for a long time that doing good work and putting it out there is what it takes for a working creative to make it because that's what I did. So there's this idea that making stuff and having it be seen is some kind of virtuous.

But it's not anymore. People pick fights with children for clout. Newspapers post about people's tweets as if its important. People are investing in crypto, a thing that literally only exists as electrical waste on a grand scale. We're boiling the oceans to yell at each other over nothing and exchange bits of code everyone agrees has ever-rising value but doesn't. Everyone is making and eating junk, it feels like.

So am I making junk? Have I just been making useless junk for literally over a decade now? Is that what I've been good for this entire time?

* * *

So the email.

It was a response from a company I applied to for a job. I applied as a creative writer and they're an advertising agency.

Receiving emails from a prospective employer when you're in need of a job is exciting! So soon after I applied, too. Wonderful. Here's what it said:

We just received your application today but would love to extend the opportunity for you to participate in the Case Competition as a prerequisite of your job application for Creative Writer position with [REDACTED] and stand a chance to be a winner for cash awards up to a total worth of RM1,800.

Yea.

They want me to enter a competition where I compete with other candidates to get a chance of being hired.

This company saw how many people applied for a job with them, and decided to dangle some cash and throw it over the fence to see which candidate will fight for it the most.

I didn't expect to feel vomitous after reading an email but that did it. I almost dry heaved. That's where we are now.

Recruiters see a glut of applicants and decided to play Fall Guys. These people watch Istana Takeshi and think Takeshi is the good guy. It hurts. It hurt me. That email caused me pain.

I can't at all empathise with recruiters who think this was okay to do. They really believed that creative writers will do a little dance for them just for money.

Look, I know we all need to eat. But I can also hate that people undervalue the work of creatives to this painful extent.

I don't give a shit about earning a lot of dough. I just wanna make things that tickle people. I want you to smile more.

That's the whole point of that weird little YouTube comment that led to the quirky website. That's the whole idea of making silly videos and dumb tweets and memes. We just want you to laugh.

But it seems people think so little of joy that they'll do whatever they can to avoid legitimately supporting and paying for stuff that gets them through the day. So much so that they want free work from us for the potential of maybe being able to get paid for more work. It breaks me, man.

I hate that I cannot make a living just trying my best to make people happy.

That's the best way I know to take care of you.

I know I don't just 'make junk' for a living. People have messaged me personally that my work has helped them get through tough times in school, in their relationships, at the office and I am eternally grateful that they took the time to tell me that.

I just also wish my feelings about my work aren't easily brought down by the majority of people who insist its worthless. Even if sometimes those people is me.

So forgive me if I won't be funny for a while. I'm gonna need some time to process this. Thank you for reading. I love you.

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joutacujo · 4 years

Text

FNV Companion Meme: Hades

Found this on another’s blog and wanted to have a go using drunkle Hades! This’ll be the lone version without Bitesized or Tesla.

Template

General

Name: Hades

Location: Atomic Wrangler or one of the vagrant camps

How to obtain: Can be hired after completing the quest “King on His Own”

Character photo: I haven’t draw him properly yet, but I have this-

Companion Wheel

I think we should travel together: “You better be packing hydra.” / “Welp, better than lazing around here, I guess.” / (if courier is female) “Do I have to?”

Use Melee: “Shit, I’ll give it a go.” / “I can’t see straight, but a cleaver is a big knife. Bigger range and all.”

Use Ranged: “Does throwing dynamite count?” / (singing) “Shot-gun, sh-sh-sh-shotgun!~”

Open Inventory: “Come on, man. I’ve got a bad back!” / “Are you gonna pay me for this?”

Stay Close: “If I get in your way that’s your fault.” / (if female courier) “You better not be flirting.”

Keep Distance: (if male courier) “Nice view from back here!” / “Got it, chief.”

Stealth: “If you here cracking that’s my knees.” / “I’m more of a explode everything and run guy, but I’ll try.”

Back Up: (jokingly flirting) “Throw it back?” / I’m sure my muscles get in the way.”

Be Passive: “Ugh... really?” / “Yeah, that’ll last until withdrawal hits.”

Be Aggressive: “Now you’re speaking my language.” / “YEEEAAAHH!”

Use Stimpack: “Doesn’t hit as well as hydra, but it’ll do.” / “P is for pain... also Please give me more.” / (if female courier) “Don’t touch me. I’ll do it myself.”

Wait Here: “Oh. Don’t go too far, okay?” / “Oookay. Just don’t leave me here.”

Follow Me: “Right on, chief.” / “I ain’t a dog...”

Send to the Lucky 38: “Oh hell yeah!” / “You know I’m banned from the Strip, right?”

Send Home: (can be found where?) “Home, sweet home. Time to get high.” / “Finally! I missed Tesla.” (Atomic Wrangle/vagrant camp or Hades’ Shack after his personal quest is done)

Injured: “Uhghhhh... chief I ain’t feeling so good.” / “Hydra hydra.. hell I’d take a bit of jet.” / “Chieeefff! Helpp....”

Death: “Well... I was expecting this...” / “Oh, finally...”

Aggression: Aggressive

Confidence: Cautious

Assistance: Helps friends and allies

Karma: Neutral

Perks

What perks does your oc have? Generally companions have a starting perk and then two perks they may achieve depending on how the courier completes their quest line.

[Been Through the Wars]

Hades’ starting quirk adds 3+ DT and 20% resistance to drugs and poisoning.

[Cut off One Head]

If choosen the “Warrior” end to his quest, adds 25% skill points to the Explosive, Guns and Survival skills.

[Happy Homesteader]

If choosen the “Retiree” end to his quest, adds 25% skill points to the Medicine, Repair and Barter skills.

Drops

If killed, does your oc drop anything?

Tesla’s Note -A note from Tesla to Hades about their plans to party after “all of this” is done.

Shot In The Dark -Hades’ unique shotgun that has unlimited slag ammo.

3-6x Hydra 10-12x Dynamite Cleaver

Worn Kings’ Outfit -Hades’ unique version of the Kings’ Outfit

Ruined Dogtags -NCR dogtags with the details scratched out

Quests and Recruitment

How does the courier recruit your oc? Write a short description where your oc is found and if there are any requirements to recruit them as a companion.

You receive the quest “King on His Own” from Pacer after G.I Blues quest is done in the Kings’ favour. He speaks about a member of the Kings that had to be kicked out after “going psycho” from drug withdrawal. He says that this member was really impressive in a fight and he’d like to see him come back to them. Problem is, it’s impossible to get him to go sober, so he asks the Courier if they could do anything.

You can find Hades either in a vagrant camp (usually the one near the Strip) or the Atomic Wrangler. At first he’s very depressed and generally lethargic. Having high reputation with the Kings allows you to hire him as a companion, but first he asks you to track down 5 bottles of Hydra and some whiskey for his “happy time cocktail”. Upon doing this he’ll take this “cocktail” and suddenly become more upbeat and flirtious (if the courier is male). If the courier is female he’ll seem reluctant to join you, but does after a 25 Speech check.

Bringing him back to Pacer leads to Pacer being disappointed in Hades, but he requests that you keep Hades around for a bit longer to see if you can help. Agreeing to this completes the quest and hires Hades as a proper companion with his quirk.

Personal quests are an important part of developing our companions. What is your oc’s personal quest(s), and what are the different ways the courier can complete them?

After travelling for some time, there’s a random chance you’ll witness Hades going through withdrawal. He’ll become very depressed and easily angered, fighting anything that comes within his perspective. Talking to him will give you the option of giving him Fixer which prompts him to open up more about himself.

He reveals he was born in a Vault set underneath an Arts Theatre. The musical scripts found in it is where his tribe gets their names from; he’s named after Hadestown: The Musical. He left his tribe as a young adult to seek adventure but was captured and sold into slavery.

He refuses to go into anymore detail. Passing a 50 Speech Check he’ll reveal that he was sold to an older women that lived in this fancy condo for rich people. He’ll shudder at the memory then end dialogue.

This prompts the beginning of his personal quest, “Why We Build the Wall”.

After completing three quests for the NCR, Hades will mention his distain for the NCR. Through dialogue it’s revealed he was a soldier for them but deserted during the Bitter Springs Massacre. Talking to Captain Gilles with Hades in the party will prompt a conversation between the two. Gilles is disappointed, but not surprise that Hades deserted them while Hades is bitter and disgusted that they’re still here. You can resolve the conversation peacefully with a Speech check of 30.

After becoming Liked by the Legion this prompts a conversation with Hades. He is neutral towards them, saying their slavery is horrifying but at least they protect their citizens. He says he’d rather join an honest evil than a dishonest good. You can then ask him about his time as a slave. Reluctantly he reveals that his owner would beat and assault him whenever something upset her. He’s biased against women because of this (something he apologizes for if the courier is female). He is gleeful as he reveals that he escaped after she had a heartattack at a party, but quickly becomes subdued again as he’s been wandering every since.

The last condition needed is to complete the quest “High Times” with Hades in the party. Upon completion he opens dialogue mentioning he drinks and uses drugs to forget his past. He says his companion, Tesla, is a complete amnesiac due to her excessive drug use and he’s kind of been hoping to have that happen to him too. But everytime he has a withdrawal, all those feelings he’s been bottling up just come out and start the cycle over again.

Through dialogue you get two choices to help him.

The “Warrior” end, has him continue to use drugs now adding in Buffout to help control his withdrawals. He becomes tougher and buries the past completely.

The “Retiree” end has him use drugs at a half dose, using more Fixer and visiting the Followers. He regains more skills and unlocks his Shack where he gives you supplies like ammo and different crafting scrap.

Ending Slides

Another important part of companions is their ending slides. How do their endings change based on how their quests are completed and how the courier decides to handle the world around them? Below is a short template listing the different main story outcomes. Feel free to change whatever you need to fit your OC’s story.

If their personal quest is never completed…

Hades, ever drifting between highs and lows, remained a vagrant to the very end. Haunted by his past, body deteriorating from alcoholism, he took his life outside of the Strip’s Gates: a symbol of how the Mojave can chew one up and spit them out.

If the Courier sides with Legion and Hades quest is completed with the Warrior Ending

As the Legion marched into Freeside they rounded up the drug addicts and vagrants. Most were executed on sight, some, like Hades, showed a battle prowess that impressed Caeser. Hades was cast into the Arena and after many battles, was finally slain. His body was burned in a sign of respect.

If the Courier sides with Legion and Hades quest is completed with the Retiree Ending

Hidden away in his shack, Hades escaped Legion sight for a long time. Upon finding the now sober Hades, they captured him and sold him to Aurelius of Pheonix (or Lucius if Aurelius is dead) as a repairs specialist. Though once again a slave, Hades accepted his fate and eventually passed of natural causes.

If the Courier sides with NCR and Hades quest is completed with the Warrior Ending

With the NCR taking over New Vegas, it wasn’t long before deserters were brought to justice. Hades refused arrest and fought until the very end, taking out many NCR soldiers in his wake. He eventually went down under a hail of bullets, screaming his bitterness to the skies.

If the Courier sides with NCR and Hades quest is completed with the Retiree Ending

With the NCR taking over New Vegas, it wasn’t long before deserters were brought to justice. Hades was brought before a trial and accepted his imprisonment. He lived out the rest of his days working in the mines, eventually dying in a mineshaft collapse, surrounded by other Kings.

If the Courier sides with House and Hades quest is completed with Any Ending

Hades, like many vagrants in Freeside, was either ignored by Mr House or shot down when his robots came strolling into the town. Being a friend of the Courier, he was left alone by other factions in Freeside; leading to a lonely, if peaceful, life.

If the Courier makes New Vegas independent and Hades quest is completed with Any Ending

Along with the other Kings in Freeside, Hades ruled and enjoyed a free life. In the chaos he often relapsed into using more dangerous drugs and whored himself out without care. Eventually, he passed after a bad, violent trip on pyscho which lead to him being killed in self defense.

#fallout new vegas #fnv #companion meme #fnv oc #hades #long post #i got lazy at the end ugh #personal

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jewpacabruhs · 4 years

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hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about.

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do.

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it.

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally.

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020!

#txt #mine

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steve0discusses · 4 years

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Yugioh S4 Ep8: Magic Mai

So fun fact, I was out of town around this Thanksgiving and I grabbed a laptop from my Dad’s stack of machinery he’s sort of collected over the years and lo and behold--he put Linux on it.

Like I dunno if you all can relate to this problem, but everything he touches turns into Linux and he’s trying to live this Windows free/Mac free lifestyle, and I get it, I’m friends with so many vegetarians, but like I hate this laptop. I'm using Gimp to make these screenshots...So I can re-do them later in Photoshop because...it just doesn’t feel right to put Papyrus on this computer. It already has Linux. This poor machine has suffered enough. Long story short, this’ll be a small update because right clicking on linux is ass.

Also, because I was on a laptop and realized how small my blog is for the first time--I don’t have control over the size of pictures in text posts, tumblr does, and in this particular theme it’s not allowing me to change the size, and so do me a favor. Click ctrl and + at the same time a couple times (I’m assuming most of you are on firefox). There. the pictures are the right size now. If you hated that, you can click ctrl and - but like lets be real, my font is occasionally...tiny.

Anyway, we start discussing this episode on the confusing legs of the last one, where Mai is evil now, and it’s really not entirely clear if she’s possessed or if she’s just always been this way, or if she just FEELS like it.

And that’s all this episode is about, start to finish--is this Mai’s choice or was this not Mai’s choice? The answer is the same as it would be for a normal person: it’s complicated. Maybe it’s everybody’s choice. Maybe it was because no one did anything that Mai went completely haywire? Maybe it was because Mai hid how she was feeling so no one had any idea she needed help? Or, overall, maybe Mai is kind of a toxic person and wanted to be this way? Especially while she’s on children’s cartoon card drugs?

(read more under the cut)

So to start off, a weird thing happened at the beginning of this episode. After about 4 seasons, someone finally mentioned this:

How many seasons has Yugi been talking to himself? Like, out loud. In front of everyone and Kaiba? This whole time, right? Like Valon just dashed my headcanon where I figured Yugi was smart enough to think his thoughts instead of speak his thoughts. He’s just not that smart, unfortunately.

Meanwhile, Mai has managed to attract this other (teenager?) guy and like...to go worse than Joey so quickly is kind of shocking. Mai just seems embarrassed by the amount of very young boys in love with her. And she’s not even a cougar about it, she doesn’t really seem to want this to happen but it keeps on happening.

And although he is essentially the card form of a drug pusher, Valon has this soft spot for a girl I guess to give him some sort of redeemable flaw. However, she only wears tube tops and minis and spends like hundreds of dollars on her hair, so it doesn’t really make him seem any less shallow, tbh.

PS I’m surprised, that unlike all the other characters on Yugioh, I can’t just type in Valon’s name into Google and get his age and weight. No idea what his age is, and if you know, feel free to tell me but he just seems...exactly the same age as Joey. He seems very 17. Maybe it’s the obsession with motorcycles and children’s playing cards? Maybe it’s his big ol childlike eyes? He just seems young and niave like how a teenager who just fell in love with a very angry older woman would.

Joey tries to remind everyone, multiple times, that this game is the worst idea ever since it requires one of them to super die, but Mai is on card drugs so I don't know why they bothered. Also, why is Joey still surprised by this after 4 seasons of this?

Yo it’s S4 and Mai witnesses magic non-stop but still has basically no idea how it works. She really did say “I have no soul” and it was like...I’m 90% certain she literally thinks she has no soul right now. Which I guess, statistically speaking, is rare to actually have a still intact soul after hanging out with the main villain, with the way this show typically goes.

Meanwhile, last episode it really sounded like Duke Devlin was driving to Pegasus’ company building. It really sounded like he would have gone directly there, since Weevil and Rex told him that Yugi was going to Pegasus.

Remember that Duke Devlin works for Pegasus and probably has his own parking spot.

So where did he go instead?

You know how there’s only one gas station in the entirety of America?

I can’t believe it blew up.

Y’all what is the red splotch in the middle of the pile ps? That is legitimately a pile of blood, right? I didn’t shop that in. There’s just a red puddle in this kid’s show.

Y’all what is that? Like was there a scene with a red handkerchief that I missed? Is that a red handkerchief?

But to move past the mysterious pool of blood that confirms those bikers are so hella dead, I have no idea why Duke was here, I have no idea how he got the tip off that Yugi visited this place, but then he turned around and went back to SF so like...I guess he’ll arrive 3 days from now because again, they are in Arizona. They keep telling me this is right outside SF but like--Mesas. There’s Mesas.

And then this happened.

That one guy on the writing staff who just stans Seto Kaiba so hard got into the drawing room, I see.

PS someone had to pose for this shot for them to draw this shot from this angle.

Meanwhile, lets see why Mai turned evil. Ah, because it is Yugioh, the biggest reason is that she has no friends (probably because she’s got the most acidic personality known to man) and isn’t card popular enough and got super bitter and jealous.

Speaking as an artist who is online, I can understand the frustration here. Sometimes (99% of the time) you work really hard and no one cares and you get like 2 notes. And honestly, why should they? Like, why do you do it in the first place?

Mai echoes a lot of the issues of Seto last season, where she wants so badly to be the absolute best to prove herself to the ghosts of her past who really don’t care any more.

But, since Mai was in a coma when Seto got through all of that, I guess she never got the memo and still seems stuck on just wanting to be the best with no other reason than “to be the best” which again, sounds so much like art school problems. This is everyone who has ever had an interest in animation. We all go through that phase.

Generally we don’t take peoples souls as a reaction to that type of discouragement, but then Mai made sure to mention in almost a foot note that she did spend like an entire season and a half trapped in Marik's shadow realm. And that kind of effed her up in a really big way.

Thanks, Marik.

Really feels like Marik should be dealing with this problem--really feels like maybe Marik is the only person that we can actually point to and say “Oh yeah, that guy is to blame for Mai right now” And he is the only person that Mai does not actively go out and try to kill.

And I’ll have you know I just deleted like a 15 K word rant about the difference between character assassination and your character just--evolving into a jackass, and how it’s OK to have your character change into a jackass, especially after trauma. I felt this need to really have to defend this ancient writing technique that people have been using since about as long as stories have been around.

Then I remembered “Oh yeah, I’m just making this point because a few number of very loud idiots on the internet want to have very lukewarm hot-takes about popular characters solely because they enjoy baiting people on twitter into getting into week-long arguments that don’t go anywhere.” and I just...let it go. I let it just...go into the ether. Ah. The peace that comes when you already know you’re right.

But anyway, back to Yugioh, which thankfully doesn’t take a stance on this nuanced subject, and only presents this very serious problem without actually offering a solution (because there isn’t a one fit’s all solution to falling off the deep end and getting into drugs and murder), Mai decides to just go and blame this decision she made on anyone else. Because, why take responsibility for your actions, when you can pin it on people who were on the other side of the freakin planet when it happened?

Like, I just want to remind y’all that she was in ATLANTIS.

I wonder how good the cell reception is in ATLANTIS.

I just...Mai is like in her mid twenties maybe thirty’s. She’s so arbitrarily old that she plays Yugi’s Mom in the video game spinoff where they’re reincarnations of medieval times. That’s how old she is.

Imagine if you made some epically BAD decisions because you were jealous of some teenager’s success and didn’t want to be weak anymore, and then you confronted those teens, and said “This is all your fault.”

Imagine looking someone as dysfunctional as Joey Wheeler and telling him “You made me like this” because lollllllll

And I present this as a joke but like basically this happens all freakin time. We’ve all had a friend like Mai. Past tense of course, because it’s really hard to keep a friend like Mai for very long. (One of my friend’s who went Mai destroyed my apartment one summer and then literally blamed it on me for going to California for 2 months and leaving her unattended.) But like...don’t let Mai’s do it to you. They can get better, but only if it’s their choice, really. You can’t force them to save themselves.

But, as Mai was finally ready to give up cards and probably improve her quality of life by a huge degree, unfortunately, she got sucked right back into the trap.

Bro note: being a serial murderer cultist is basically working at McDonald's in this universe so maybe this wasn’t even that weird?

But that aside, this is alllllmost like a dark version of “Mai got into an abusive relationship to fill the void in her heart” except she’s not even really dating this guy? Like she hates this guy? He’s just kinda there?

Y’all I really can’t tell if Valon is in an abusive relationship with Mai who is using him for power or if she’s in an abusive relationship with him because he only wants her pretty face and wants to kill Joey because Joey liked her once--and maybe it’s both? Maybe both of these people are just...really bad for each other?

Overall Joey is kind of tossed into this not-a-love-triangle and I’m like

“Hey show? show? Am I supposed to....were any these people ever dating? Is there supposed to be an implied history? Am I supposed to get attached to this?” because I mean...the only character who was able to get some actual physical romance on this show was Pegasus when he macked the ghost of his dead wife because, again, Pegasus is the freakin king of this entire show. Of course HE can do it.

But have this show clarify what the hell is happening between Valon and Mai? I’m gonna take a bet that we will never get to see it beyond Valon being like “Ain’t she a beaut!” Like Steve Irwin talking to an alligator, and Mai just pretending he doesn’t exist. Yugioh romances are so completely one way every single time. If something more than that happens, I’ll be

shook.

Anyway, as all the children on the show keep repeating over and over again, they haven’t had any contact with Mai since she left the freakin country and they went back to High School.

And so someone threatens to kill himself, as is Yugioh tradition, and someone else barks at him to NOT kill himself, as is also tradition, and they decide to play real cards next episode.

This whole entire episode, PS, Joey went out of his way to just...not play cards. that was this whole episode. Way to draw out a card game over three episodes, I guess.

Anyway if you want to read these from the start you can do so by clicking the link here

#yugioh #ygo #episode recap #photo recap #Yugi muto #mai valentine #Valon #joey wheeler #Tristan Taylor #Tea Gardner #That moustache sideburns guy? I think his name is Raphael or something?#S4 #Ep 8 #PS I just noticed my episodes were numbered wrong #so that's nice #I may also decide to do some tagging shenanigans so you can have a link to read which season you would like to go to instead of just from S1 #but that will be when I get bored over christmas I have some client stuff to wrap up right now

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