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nerdygaymormon · 5 months

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Queer Gospel Music

This past year I came across several songs that I enjoy listening to on Sundays. I created a playlist for myself for Sundays and thought I'd share with y'all.

Yet : Ashley Hess - Ashley Hess was a finalist on the 2019 season of American Idol. I heard her perform this song at the Gather Conference where she introduced it by saying, "The next song that I'm gonna play is a song that I wrote in my lowest time. But it's a song that's so special to me because it was the moment that I felt like I finally came out of hiding, and that the Lord not only saw me, but loved me and embraced me." I can relate so much to that. Plus, I don't hear many songs from the perspective of "I'm trying, so God please don't give up on me."

God Loves Me Too : Brian Falduto - Brian played the gay kid in the movie School of Rock, and catapulted the character into an LGBTQ icon when he delivered the line “You’re tacky and I hate you.” Now as an adult, Brian is back and singing that no one has to earn God’s love. Brian wrote the song after visiting a church that was welcoming and accepting of queer people. I look around and see I’ve found a place where peace and love abound. I’ve waited my whole life for the truth. It is true, God loves you. It don’t matter if you’re LGBTQ

My Little Prayer : David Archuleta - David wasn't out yet when he recorded this, but I imagine he really related to some of these lyrics, such as I'm beginning to understand that you (God) have a plan for me.

The Queer Gospel : Erin McKeown - I love these lyrics. There are those who think we're wicked. There are those who call us names: depraved, lost and sick, and would rather bathe us in shame. But we put the "sin" in sincere, we put the "do" in the doubt. God is perfectly clear. We are perfectly out. Love us as we are. See us and we're holy. In this shall we ever be wholly ourselves.

Good Day (feat. Derek Webb) : Flamy Grant - Matthew Blake was a worship leader for 22 years who has become a “shame-slaying, hip-swaying, singing-songwriting drag queen” named Flamy Grant (it's a play on the name of gospel singer Amy Grant). The lyrics talk of coming back to church after having left for feeling oppressed. They’ve come back to church because despite what some say, God’s love is expansive enough for everyone. God made me good in every way, so I raise my voice to celebrate a good day.

Believe : GENTRI - The pianist for this group is gay. After coming out, he was having a hard time with faith and was angry at God, and he felt God gave him this song as part of his healing process. Believe there is an answer. And while you feel you're buried deep in a disaster, believe more hands are waiting, ready to lift you up and carry you back to safety. You're not alone, keep holding on. And believe.

Explaining Jesus : Jordy Searcy - In 2014, Jordan was a contestant on The Voice. He grew up active in a church and since being on the television show he has written several religious songs, including this one. Jordy discusses the shortcomings of churches, comparing the ways in which church members act and interact with each other, including how they treat the gay community and oppress women. If you're gay and over 85, you've felt for your whole life that when God made you, he just messed up. In the chorus he apologizes that this has been the experience, I'm sorry no one explained Jesus to you.

Satan's Tears : Kyler O'Neal - Did anyone ask how real you are? Has anyone said that you are loved, or that you’re the one they’re dreaming of? Those questions start this beautiful song by trans woman Kyler O’Neal. The song addresses a young gender non-conforming person unaccepted by their world, and the singer promises to wipe away Satan’s tears which were created by a cruel society

Same Love : Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Mary Lambert - Macklemore sings that his gay uncles should be allowed to marry, and speaks of how Christianity has hurt gay people. "God loves all his children" is somehow forgotten, but we paraphrase a book written thirty-five hundred years ago. The song concludes with Mary Lambert singing I’m not crying on Sundays, which I think means not letting religious intolerance and churches harm us anymore

No Place in Heaven : MIKA - Mika is singing about how religion teaches there’s no place in heaven for gay people because the way we love is sinful. Father, won’t you forgive me for my sins? Father, if there’s a heaven let me in

God Is : The Outer Banks - I don't know that they had queer people in mind when they wrote the song, but the lyrics relate to the conflict between one’s queerness and relationship with God. God was never angry. God was not against me. God was never far away. God is not disappointed.

I Know it Hurts : Paul Cardall & Tyler Glenn - I just wanted to believe, but how am I supposed to believe this about me? And then we find each other, queer church members who can understand what we’re going through, who know the hurt. For most queer people, they leave church and go on a different path. They��re not lost, a faint light at the end is guiding their way, they’re finding another way back home.

Losing My Religion : R.E.M. - The song was interpreted as the struggle of a closeted gay man coming to terms with what his religion taught about gay people and is seen as an example of queer coding in the era of “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Lead singer Michael Stipe had declined to address his sexuality, so when “Losing My Religion” came out, people assumed Stipe was coming out as gay. Consider this the hint of the century. Consider this the slip.

HIM : Sam Smith - This is a song about a boy in Mississippi coming out and the conflict between his sexuality and his religious upbringing. He is grappling with the feeling that there’s no place in church for him because he’s gay. Holy Father, we need to talk. I have a secret that I can’t keep. I’m not the boy that you thought you wanted. Please don’t get angry, have faith in me.

Pray : Sam Smith - You won’t see Sam in church, but they say they’re a child of God at heart and are begging God to show the way. I’m not a saint, I’m more of a sinner. I don’t wanna lose, but I fear for the winners

Faith : Semler - This song reached No. 1 on the iTunes Christian music chart and is about growing up queer in a faith community and how the rejection by the church left them scarred. When my religion turned against me, they said my hopes and dreams were faulty. I showed these holes inside my hands, and they claimed they couldn’t see.” Even as they struggled with the church, Semler kept a relationship with Jesus and flourished far more than she did in any church building. But I don’t wanna get small to be in those rooms

Hey Jesus : Trey Pearson - Trey made headlines in 2016 when as the lead singer of the Christian rock band Everyday Sunday, he came out as gay. Three years later and Trey has a question: Hey Jesus can you hear me now? It's been awhile since I came out, I was wonderin' do you love me the same? As a person who struggles to reconcile faith with sexual orientation, I find this song quite moving.

Heaven : Troye Sivan feat. Betty Who - Troye sings about what it’s like for a religious teenager to come out as gay. Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven? Without changing a part of me, how do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted, feeling like my heart’s mistaken, oh, so if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven? Troye explains “When I first started to realise that I might be gay, I had to ask myself all these questions—these really really terrifying questions. Am I ever going to find someone? Am I ever going to be able to have a family? If there is a God, does that God hate? If there is a heaven, am I ever going to make it to heaven?” The video features footage from LGBTQ+ protests throughout history.

Revelation : Troye Sivan and Jónsi -This song was written for the movie Boy Erased, which is about a young man being sent by his parents to a conversion therapy camp to try to change him to not be gay. The lyrics are about feeling liberated from the toxic teachings he learned at church about LGBTQ+ people. It’s a revelation. There’s no hell in what I’ve found, and no kingdom shout. How the tides are changing as you liberate me now and the walls come down. In other words, God doesn't condemn me for my queerness.

Orphans of God : Ty Herndon & Kristin Chenoweth feat. Paul Cardall - The message of the song is we are all loved by God, we are all thought about, we are all created equally and God loves us all the same.

Midnight : Tyler Glenn - The Neon Trees frontman gives an emotional song about his departure from the Mormon church but not from God. The ballad is accompanied by a video that shows Glenn removing his religious garments and replacing them with a glittery jacket, which is such a powerful metaphor.

#queerstake

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thefiresofpompeii · 6 months

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now that i’ve deferred because a uni degree is nothing but an entrance ticket into moderate financial security and not worth utterly obliterating my mental health over i am compiling my own curriculum. all the posts i’ve ever tagged with #ref because they contain essays articles and other texts that i want to read but have never gotten around to, all that goes on the list. around fifty academic articles and book chapters downloaded onto my laptop from jstor while i still have access to it, tailored to fit my personal interests.

rearranging my self-education. little mx autodidact. carving out a passage through the brambles with a freshly sharpened machete. make no mistake, the thorns are piercing and will continue to tear at my exposed limbs, but the pain is worth the fruits of knowledge at the end, real knowledge and not something superimposed from above. i know, i know, undergrads aren’t afforded that freedom of narrowing our study, it’s something earned with time and effort and only fully permitted at a “higher” level of education, but who determines these levels?

it sounds silly and rash, but it’s a long-deliberated decision. the university environment is not right for my weird brain despite my literary inclinations, and i prefer to select my own path towards learning while working a low paying job on the side. perhaps i’ll return in a year’s time after all, matured and mellowed, hardened or roughened with real-life experience and online self-teaching, to pursue liberal arts as the most, well, liberated pathway. maybe not.

maybe if i had gone to one of those colleges where they allow you to pick and choose your own modules for your degree entirely (like one of the people that i most admire on this website did in its time) things would have gone down differently, but alas. let the world keep turning and let everything that serves no purpose any longer decompose and compost into something new .

“what has this got to do with autism?” you may ask, “i’m autistic and i completed a normal bachelors’ degree just fine.” your answer: having been in a place of moderate autistic burnout for years that abruptly turned severe in the past few months, my bodymind has shifted into what is known rather disparagingly under the medical model as “autistic regression” or “regressive autism”: a gradual distancing further and further away from accepted neurotypical standards of moving through and navigating the world around me.

one of the ways in which this unmasking presents itself, apart from the more noticeable characteristics such as outwardly visible stimming and a complete absence of eye contact, is a total inability to focus on, be motivated by and/or engage in any (textual, literary, cinematic etc etc) materials that do not connect at least tangentially or superficially with my special interests (that being ghosts/hauntings, hauntology, folk horror, lovecraftiana/cosmic horror, horror in general, the gothic, neurodiversity, alternative music; narratives/storytelling, folklore/fairytales; queer theory; carceral abolition and liberation; and a few other subjects here unlisted). according to normative capitalist logic of usefulness and productivity, that makes me “severely disabled” by virtue of “restricted interests”. i would say it makes me a interesting person with tall twisted tales to tell, but nevermind that silly nonsense, it’s a mad person speaking.

at this present moment i have no motivation, wish nor desire to continue wasting time and energy attempting to study and remember things that do not connect with the key concepts that my mind is constantly orbiting around. if that makes me incurious or annoying or limited, so be it — this neurological difference affects every aspect of my personality and i do not wish to change it. if the world around us refuses to change, we must either alter it ourselves or construct our own pathways out of the shadows and into the moonlit garden.

#thank you cavar sarah for directly/indirectly inspiring me to make this (highly personal yet hopefully informative to some?) post!!#@librarycards on here #aer writing on transMadness and adjacent topics gives me life and constant material for thought and consideration #jamie.txt #uniposting #autism #actually autistic #neurodiversity #neuroqueer #autpunk #disability #autistic #autism acceptance #college dropout #autistic burnout

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dr-lizortecho · 8 months

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I would love to hear more about why delena taught you about love if you ever want to talk about it! I'd also love to hear what you see as Damon and Elena's similarities and differences.

So this is a really difficult thing to explain anon, at the very least without explaining the triad of ships that I attribute the same thing to, so I apologize for rambling about non-delena ships in my answer! And this will probably be tmi like everytime I discuss how shows/ships personally impact(ed) me

One of the first ships I ever became invested in enough to create content for- and start discussing in depth was Malec (The Mortal Instruments Series). To start this off I’d like to give a very short disclaimer- I was thirteen or so and still believed in destiny and fate and singular soulmates (one person literally designed to be with you that you just stumble upon out in the wild) and grew up pretty much under a rock (the only reason those books ever graced my presence was my eldest sister sneaking them to my older sister who snuck them to me) and had no clue that queer people existed at all. So color little me shocked for a solid second and doing math tryna figure out the scene where Clary says that Alec is in love with Jace (I philosophized about souls for five seconds and figured it out). All of this to set up how naively blind I was to the concept of love, to the point where Clary and Jace made perfect sense as true love from the moment she sees him- because my little mind had subscribed to the disneyification of romance without much thought to it as a whole. So being able to watch what seemed to me as obvious connection and therefore love between Alec and Magnus while the former second guessed himself was a new experience for me. Realizing that not only is love something that transcends the obstacles in life- but that it’s messy and complicated. Basically Malec taught me that love is a mess- it’s not always logical and above all it’s not something linear that exists at 0% or 100%. Because sometimes you’re falling in love with and choosing to pursue someone while still moving on from someone else- that feelings don’t just snap away because you’re actively pursuing something better for you.

Then Delena came into my sphere. Which I won’t lie wasn’t my first introduction to ships of their caliber, however, something about the individual characters made it come to life and made something in my brain click into place. Because there’s this big question that keeps floating around Delena in the early seasons which is ‘does Damon deserve love and forgiveness?’ aka Elena. Now the answer to that question appears quite simply- no. Damon doesn’t ask for it, he doesn’t try to change, he doesn’t attempt to earn it. However, Elena chooses to forgive him anyway to show love and kindness and turn the other cheek (okay- sorry for the religion bit, but biblical love anyone???). Which was eye opening and beautiful to watch. Because even with more years on me and more emotional intelligence it had never clicked how much work love could be. That you had to consciously make difficult choices and choose to forgive, to understand that people react to pain in all sorts of ways. So Delena taught me love is messy (lol, if you’re noticing a pattern it’s cause there is one). That people are chaotic and their emotions even more so, that you have to choose love everyday. And above all it’s not just something that exists in the good times, it’s bigger than that. That without that choice- that forgiveness love doesn’t exist and will fail every time.

Now- if you follow me and haven’t seen the show I apologize for the continuous spiraling, but Echo is the third ship that taught me about love. This one is much more complex and difficult to explain (but I kinda did explain it a long time ago in my farewell to the show) but Echo taught me to love my faults and myself, to see we are all worthy of love without tying ourselves into perfect knots. And to spare everyone me talking way too much I’m going to leave it there.

#I’ll make a separate post lter about Damon and Elena’s differences/similarities and post it under the anon tag!#anon asks #the mortal instruments #tvd #roswell new mexico #malec #delena #rnm echo

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dross-the-fish · 6 months

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Do you put parts of yourself (I don't mean full on sonas) into your ocs and fan characters?

I do, they all have some bits of myself in them. Jekyll's insecurity and repression was written from my perspective of having to mask constantly as a queer gnc person in a small conservative town.

Adam's need for validation from Victor, his complex feelings about his only parental figure, also comes from a place of personal experience. Adam's struggles to find his own humanity and feeling like he needs to "earn" it more than every one else around him does are also rooted in feelings I've had.

I gave Quincey my migraines.

I gave Selma some of my vices

I channel my own rage into Edward.

These are characters with lives of their own but when I write their emotions I try to write from a place that's real. These characters are cathartic for me in a lot of ways.

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anotherqueersnailowner · 6 months

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y'know what? yeah, being queer is rough. there's a lot of pain and trauma and hate that I've experienced and endured because of my queer identity, and that hurts like hell!!!!!! despite this, I honestly can't imagine my life any other way! who we are in relation to the world around us and who we love are among the most basic, fundamental aspects of who we are as people and, at least in my experience, they impact nearly every aspect of our lives!!! I took a job offer purely because the person hiring me knew I was queer, knew my pronouns, and informed me that not only is the rest of the staff accepting (or at least not openly and violently bigoted), but I'm not even the only trans/nonbinary person currently working there!!! as someone just entering the workforce and in an EXTREMELY conservative/catholic family, I HAPPILY took the job offer,fully expecting to earn less there than at the other place I received an offer from. the first thing I look into when researching colleges is queer rights in that state. every interaction I have in person, the fact that I'm trans and how that other person perceive's me are in the forefront of my mind. for me the fact that I'm queer very OBVIOUSLY affects my life day-to-day, and while that does heavily impact how I will wind up living my life and what that life will look like in the future, I look forward to seeing it play out. yes being queer will present certain roadblocks and challenges I wouldn't have to deal with if I was cishet, it also provides access to a unique way of viewing the world we all live in and completely changes how I see myself and others. in learning to love myself wholeheartedly and unconditionally I am also learning how to extend that love and empathy to those surrounding me, and if you ask me that is a beautiful and invaluable experience that I would not trade for anything in this world.

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your-dose-of-queer-affirmations · 10 months

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Heads up.

Just so you know. You're valid. Your gender identity, romantic/sexual orientation, your experience as a queer person. It's valid. All of it is real. You deserve to be reaffirmed of this fact, and I'm sorry if you've ever experienced discrimination just for existing. You're valid, try not to forget that. Wake up every day, I don't care what time it is, or if you slept in. But go your mirror, look at you. And say, "I'm valid." Because you are. It doesn't matter what you were born as, it doesn't matter what others say to harm you. Or even the little voice in the back of your head that tells you "You're not enough of this or that."

Your experience is real, just like your identity is real, and your orientation is real, and you are real. Thank you, for spreading love on this platform, this planet. You never have to earn your place in the LGBTQIA+ community. You never have to earn your worth as a person. You deserve to exist and thrive as who you are. I'm sorry I'm not brave enough to show my face outside anon. But your bravery to advocate for the LGBTQPIA+ deserves recognition.

You're valid.

thank you for saying this

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icecreamsocialanxiety · 1 year

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Abysmal Compulsion

(T-Rated)

An open ended Habismal fic centered about being ace, trans and neurodivergent. Specifically OCD. This is a very personal fic I've decided to share.

I mostly wrote this for myself but, if you like aroace autistic Habismal, give it a whirl. ^^

Be mindful of the TWs, these are some heavier topics than what I usually write. Enjoy.

There is a certain loneliness, isolation that many people feel. Some much more unique than others, especially when you are queer. Or “unconventionally” yourself.

We all either repress, unrecognize, or dolefully acknowledge our trauma.

What else can be done about it?

Especially when in a place where you have everything you want? With a person, the loved ones you cherish most, or simply the ideal life you’ve craved since the beginning?

Why does it still feel like you haven’t earned it sometimes? What is the point of the earning?

Is a heart-to-heart all it takes, sometimes? Do you deserve this? Is it so bad to do this for yourself? Why do you despise yourself like this still? Didn’t you already apologize?

…

Maybe, just maybe it’s part of what healing is.

That is a conversation meant for the ones you trust most.

For Boris, that is his best friend, his lover, his one and only Kamal.

"Baby, are you nervous...?"

. . .

Oh dear.

What happened? Can't he just talk about being shirtless without it feeling...terrible?

It's supposed to be normal! You know he doesn't think of you in that way...despite your clear insecurity.

You're worse than you thought.

This lighthearted pillow talk is shifting to reluctant reflection and dread quite quickly.

"Is this uncomfortable? What's going on...?"

"Kamal. I....um....you know how I struggle with looking at my body at times, right? It used to be my chest before I got surgery. How hard it was to breathe, before.

But uh…

Ugh, here I go again. Sometimes, I really hate how big my stomach's gotten. I hate being so huge at times, in a world that isn't always built for me."

...

"Ohh, no, no...baby, no. It'll be ok. It seems unrealistic now, but…you know."

...

"Since I'm so different…You, nor I, have that... ‘urge’ everyone else says they have...the talks that make me feel disgusting...It's made it easy to hate my body even more. Maybe I just…don't like having a body at all.

It's too likely, that I'm only ever seen for what's underneath by default in this version of the world. That updates slower than dial-up. UGH.

Well, it’s certainly a closeted trans experience, even without the dysphoria.

But I NEVER want to be seen for my figure.

Not ever like that. I just want to exist, without strangers judging me at the beach or something, wondering what this tattoo over my scars are for.

In this world we’ve created Kamal, for each other, we are safe, but….but..

Nobody wants to look at me, for me. Nobody thinks I'm "attractive" in general, approachable.

So I’m not even ‘palatable’ to begin with…so why would they even think of being my friend, an associate? And I--I---"

Kamal takes his hand. Habit finally caught his breath. Took a deep breath in.

"Oh...Boris. Boris..."

"People I will never understand, people who won't ever accept me as their equal, violate me with their eyes...

This world is so violating, objectifying."

...

"Boris...I-It can't be because everyone's acting like a bunch of hound dogs. Nobody should be seeing random dudes on the street for their body. That’s just pathetic. It’s sick nasty. That "construct" is so normalized, for sure.

I hate it a lot too…It's so gross, so god awful for people like us who want none of that. Who just plainly don't want to hear about it…

Just like, what makes anyone think that's okay?

And they think we should “change” for being PRUDE or whatever, or go WAY out of our comfort zone where we don’t need to be.

Body expression is fine, yeah. People deserve that right. But its not for me.

It feels like every other person stares at me, for how flat and scrawny I am when SOMEHOW I don’t pass to them…that hasn’t really happened to me for a long while. But people would see my ‘hippie’ hairstyle and with the most horrified face go "YOU’RE A MAN”?

Like, to hell with that. My voice dysphoria still makes me feel gross about myself, even when I pass.

…

Like...I'm scared.

I can get really scared when you're not with me. I really despise this country's regressing patriarchy, especially with its disgusting gun laws.

By myself, I don't look like much. If my voice was higher like it used to be, I'd probably be the target for unsuspecting pervs, or transphobes, more often…Everyone sees right through me, or something.

I understand that so much. Like some CREEP is—is…UGH! Violating me! With their eyes!

Thinking "is that person flat chested" or something transphobic like that?! They don't say it but I KNOW their eyes are darting about!

Why does my BODY matter to anyone that isn't ME or a pediatrician?

And, and…I always think I come off as ‘an easy mark’ and nothin’ else—”

!!!

"Kamal, n-no, no....don't make me worry for you like this...I-I...I'm scared..."

"AH!! No, Boris I'm sorry....I thought we were airing out gross laundry now, um! Guh, that probably was a lot to take in—God, I’m selfish sometimes…"

"No, no. Kamal….please, you know that’s okay. I'm scared for you. Look at me. I had no idea you felt this pain so strongly, too. Oh, my dear."

"....?!"

. . .

"...Listen. Please come over here. Can you hold me? Please, hold me tight? Comfort me, comfort you? Is that okay?"

"O-Oh...okay! Yes...yes. If you wanna..."

. . .

(Habit sits on the clean carpeted floor to sit with him. Kamal snugly wraps his arms around Habit's waist for comfort. Kamal feels around the soft material on his back, the cotton shirt.

Boris is soothed now, with these familiar hands.)

“That’s better…Ah...”

He sighed out.

His boyfriend looks quite appeased with the circumstances, for sure.

. . .

…

"Kamal...I can always be here to protect you. If anyone hurts you, they will never be heard from again. I can make sure of it....obviously not in a violent way. I have other means that are much worse than that."

An oddly vengeful, yet sweet man. At least he means well.

"Bah---Uh, I got that babe. You don't need to tamper your already preceding reputation more now, hah."

...

"I wasn't that serious, aha.

J-Just....please, don't think you can only be frightened on the street, vulnerable to...what was it...dogs with horns…No, horn dogs? Right? T…That's the western lingo for offending---"

"Y-Yeah."

Kamal interrupts him quick, the mere mention of that infamous misinterpreted term making them both feel gross and awful.

Many have used that term ironically to the point where its original meaning is barely taken seriously. Like excessive vulgarity is mandatory or something.

It's your life, but don't expect everyone to be open to that kind of talk.

…

"Hah….Okay. I got that.

I’m here to help you feel safe, in the same way you have for me. I’ve wanted to be here for you so long, too. You deserve a shoulder to lean on, a someone to hug.”

...

He clutches Boris’ chest close. It’s so simple, what one can want sometimes. He loves these forthright, affectionate gestures.

And…Kamal really wanted to hear that.

...

"Nngh…Kamal...when I say I'm yours....you like it, do you not? I worry if it's obsessive."

"It doesn’t come off as that for me, babe. You're good. As long as you're okay with being mine..."

…

Habit has always craved this. Being wanted or needed like this.

He wanted to be loved by everybody, but…wants to be Kamal’s, more than anything in the world.

He wants to return the gentle affection Kamal has provided him tenfold...

Is it merely a constant need for affirmation? Maybe it is more than that.

Maybe he does want everyone’s approval, adoration. Though, maybe not their undivided attention like what he has with Kamal. Kamal is very special to him.

Only Kamal can be aware of the entirety of his hardships. Only he gets it.

Only he could stand to be around him after all those misdeeds.

....

The mere idea of Kamal was the only thing he wanted to live for at one point.

The fact that he exists, treated him in such a way of equity he could never experience before; he doesn’t want to know what would’ve happened without him.

He wouldn’t be in a happy place, for sure.

Many of us, in the endless fog of depression feel like this.

And especially Boris.

Is it wrong? Do we not deserve the general scope of platonic love? The kindness of strangers?

Are we the bad guys here? Why are we flooded with terrible thoughts we would never act upon?

Why does it hurt? Why can’t I be dependent without the guilt?

Why, oh why?

He feels pathetic.

But...it's okay to depend on your partner. As long as they set any boundaries.

You should feel safe. It's a choice you made to dedicate your time to someone.

Kamal wants you. He wants to be with you, always. Always. You're his.

Sometimes, being with Kamal is still the only this that matters. Boris keeps replacing his traumatic thoughts with Kamal's words...

…

"YES...o-oh my goodness. Please—Augh, I have a problem..."

"Wha? No you don't."

"But it feels like I do. I've craved the peaceful days for so many years. Being yours…I feel like finally accomplished something. Like I actually belong. I did something right, for once. Right by you…I mean, I’m a long ways from owning a future florist shop of my own…sigh…so far away. But this, right now. This is what I have. It’s beautiful. It was my choice, and I don’t have to feel disgusting.

I've wanted you to move in so long, but still...I'm scared that I'm disappointing you. Like I’m supposed to feel bad about depending on you. That somehow, all I can give isn’t enough. Even though you said that isn’t the case. From an early age, I was conditioned to be like this. I’ve been nothing but a general burden, I thought.

Burdening you with all of my sentiment. That it's all for nothing.

I'm paranoid for no reason, but it's so weird, because you're the only one in the world I trust like this...You’re the only one who could forgive me as if I actually deserved it. It still leaves me in shock."

Kamal looks solemnly in his eyes, knowing his paranoia isn’t all for naught.

See how much these two have balanced each other? What a little positive reinforcement from an outsider has done to help a couple of miserable, disheleved lugs like Boris and Kamal?

Kamal has taken hold of his logical side, reframed his anxiety so much better these days. All because of how softies like Habit changed his way of thinking.

He’s never once thought that being a “sap” was something to be ashamed of. His mother made sure of that, even unintentionally. To never truly put someone down for meaning well at heart.

Flower Kid helped him elicit the realization. Habit brought Kamal to them. To a simple, kind soul that helped them remember what was important in the first place.

Kamal realized just how serious he was about Boris. That his will could never, ever abandon him, when it actually came down to it. After so many years of thinking Habit’s trauma couldn’t possibly put a dent in their friendship. Convinced that Habit pushed him away because he suddenly, unclearly, hated him. Kamal tried to feed in to that narrative sometimes, in some messed up way of coping, even though he understood Boris in a way no one else could.

Stuck in the soup of fog for so long, and the most important person in the world to him having a declining mental state he couldn’t possibly get him out of alone, from the built up conflict…Habit’s cry for help came almost too late. Flower Kid couldn’t have arrived at a better time.

But the pair continues to aid one another, be there for each other.

Boris’ humble, eloquent nature has that effect, eventually bringing out that side to Kamal that he always had…

In a continuously budding romance they could always nurture.

It continues to bear many, many blossoms. Where to even start, amidst the wonder?

Amidst the pain?

What should you say to him right now, in this moment?

“Well…Boris…did you consider…how much I want you to lean on me? To be relied on?”

Boris seems to be stunned by the commendation.

. . .

"I-I mean, y’know. That’s rhetorical, maybe. Where...how has this starting bothering you so bad, recently?"

As ridiculous as it sounds in every waking moment, this one especially…reframe your thoughts. Copy him…he’s the smarter one, isn’t he? This is dire. The world usually makes sense when you follow him. Dig up your voice again, where did you put it last? Okay. There. Say what you really mean.

"....It's irrational, more often than not intrusive...but...I'm afraid...that um...the moment I take my shirt off, it would mean I'm obligated to...be vulgar. I hate being vulnerable like that. You know?? Even when it's not it at all, when it never has to be that way. That I'm not enough for anyone. Maybe…I don’t really hate how I look, I hate what people could say when they look at me in general. That’s the reason I got myself a hot tub in the first place…so I wouldn’t have to be around strangers. Only ever for what I need.

…

I'm mortified, terror-struck. I convinced myself that I'm not pretty enough for you. That you only wanted me for my looks in the first place. Which I don't know how, that’s weird considering how...that's your biggest fear in relationships, too...But I lost hope anyone would find my face pretty."

"Well...you still don't want to do that, yeah?"

"I never want to. Cat-callers disgust me most of all, before and after my top surgery."

They’re often, always on the same page. But especially about this.

Serendipity seems to link them together in the first place.

…

"Yeah. Then it's your own trauma speaking...I know that one for sure. I’m so sorry…that sounds so gross to have to remember. I mean, I was bullied and sometimes catcalled like that, even in places where I thought I did belong, but not to your extreme.

I mean, if you stuck with a moper like me for this long, maybe...well. You'd have to like me for more than my face, my looks. And my lips, hehe..."

"A-Ah. You're right about that."

....

"Every now and then Kamal...tell me I deserve you. Tell me you love me...that my body, my face isn't ugly...that it’s normal…

M-Maybe...er…bring your attention to my midriff. When I tell you to?"

"Oh---oh wow. Boris...you know I'd love to. Anything you want. I want you to be comfortable, y'know. Safe and warm. Like you've belonged the whole time. That's all I've wanted to be, for you."

...

"Do...you think of my midriff...a lot?"

"U…Uhh. I mean, it's there, Boris. What do you mean? What do ya expect me to say...??” >_>

Ah, maybe that’s a little off topic.

"Nothing, it's okay. Just...do like being really close to my chest? You're comfortable? It doesn't make you feel weird?"

It hit him...Kamal understands better now. It's tactile.

"Ohhh...you mean when we cuddle up...yeah. I, um...really like how soft you are. Ummm…hehee.

It's just, my whole thing with toplessness stems from hating what people look like half nude.

…

It just scares me sometimes. Being in a lockeroom where there’s women and feeling like sorest thumb on the planet. An alien. Haven’t been in a locker room at all since my early 20s.

Not only that, I’m just—UGH. Even Cable TV is getting more…explicit these days. You get it. Grosses me right out.

I feel outnumbered, othered, you know? It’s…(shiver)....weird. I’ve wondered about it now and then. Nobody seems to accommodate us. Crudeness is so normal that no one thinks anyone hates it. Self-Expression, body confidence is important, for queer peeps of course. Especially. But it doesn’t always have to put in that light."

Habit has a little smile as he nods. Boris very much likes being that place of comfort for him.

"Ah, I see..."

"Before we started going out…Did you...think I disliked how you looked because you're fat?"

....

A shameful, sad expression appears on his reddened face as he nods at Kamal. In a "Come on, he already is your boyfriend! Why would you be afraid of that?" kind of way.

“In general, I just thought I was too ugly and monstrous in size to ever stand a chance. L-Like, as any man’s man. But…that certainly was a part of it.”

"Bory....hey...is it like how I internalized feeling ashamed about my flat chest my whole life?"

...

"Yes, actually. We...we've been bodyshamed for things we can't control...prejudiced unnecessarily...."

…

“(Sigh)....Yeah. That sounds about right. It’s crappy. Society adapts slower than dial-up. Bums me out all the time, how the world is like that. It’s like you said. ‘No one should feel bad for literally being born.’ That stuck with me.”

…

“I-I…said that?”

“Awha, yeah. You sure did, baby.”

“Maybe I was smarter back then.”

“Nooo, no! You’ve always been the cunning sort. I mean, take my pa for example! My dad’s an air head sometimes….sorry uh–I mean. That came out wrong. He’s not that dense. But I mean uh—AHEM.

Everyone can say smart things when they really believe in it, is what I’m saying.”

…

“Then…I really am a different person when I’m in a good mood, huh…”

“Oh…well um. Maybe? I think you just forgot. Then again, so much has happened for you at home that I couldn’t…help with.”

“...Mmhm. I just…I wonder how you even would like someone like me. How you ever thought I was approachable was beyond me.”

…

Kamal feels like he should lighten the mood. Maybe flirt a little. He deserves some more attention right now.

…

"Well um...I do like big, burly guys. Aesthetically, for sure. I dunno, maybe my type is someone who can carry me like I don't weigh anything. They sure can cuddle good." 💙

“E-Ehm…?”

Kamal winked when he said that last part, a charming little grin flashing at him. Kamal closes up the space between them, and Boris seems woozy and exhilarated…

"It's that sweet ol’ face I love, though. Your big ol' glimmery eyes. That gorgeous mane of curly red hair. You embrace effeminate things in I way I never want to. I think it's....phenomenal, how different you are. You're unique, drop dead gorgeous, and you're a big softhearted dude. The whole package."

....!

Oh, he is undeniably infatuated by that man.

(One of the many things Kamal is good at is pacifying him with that mellow tone. Over and over.)

"EEEEP....!! OK-EIGH!!!....I GET IT, I’M CUTE!!!" >X–0

"Awww, baby...! Ahaha..."

…

(sniff)...

No…Kamal realizes he’s still down in the dumps. Touched by the sweetness and adulation from Kamal…though, it pangs in his heart still. Bitter memories one cannot recover from in just one hour. Not for months from now. Who knows.

"Sorry. I know you can cheer me up with that usually. And I love it. I love you for that.

It's just...it hurts so much, my childhood. The more time I spent with you...the more terrible the memories of my father's abuse seemed to get…my weight being a sick joke to him…”

Anguish gushes out from his throat.

“How many times a week he called me ugly and made fun of me simply for being fat. How no one could take a face like my seriously, HA.

Nothing but a selfish ugly flowery “brat”. And let's not forget how he rubbed it in, how he misgendered me...HILARIOUS. How he thought a man, a clone of himself, someone supposed to be his child; could fall prey to his misogyny like that. All that got him was rotting more behind bars, that screwed-up roughneck."

. . .

"Ohh, Boris...c'mere, c-can I...lay here?"

Kamal presses his hands to Habit's abdomen.

…!!

"Yes, yes...oh my...please. I want you to be clingy with me, okay? Give me everything you've got. I don't want to be let go yet..."

...

Smooth like silk, Kamal nods, steadily and slow. Laying over the larger man now, rising up and down with his diaphragm. Boris covers his widespread grin in a coy manner. He loves when Kamal blankets him like this. What a wonderful thing.

"Ohhhh. Th-Thank you. I...I think I need this right now. Very much.”

...

“Boris...When I said I was afraid of commitment...I think I just meant....I was afraid of the expectation of "doing something", with someone. I could be seen as only an easy mark, desperate to be loved.

I....I never have to worry with you. I might be totally safe here, now. Nothing hurts me in this moment in time.

You want the same things I do in a relationship. Never going too far for ourselves. You're just like me in that way. I cherish that ideal.

And....I think you like my body in a way I can understand. That I love. You love me for me."

…

Boris is on cloud nine.

"I-I, Heheh----think you might be right about it. That is how I feel.

...

You're safe here, darling…you don't have to do any grand gestures unless you truly, truly want to.

Simple things like this…it's all I could ever want.

I am satisfied with everything you give to me."

His words ring so profoundly to Kamal.

…

"O-Oh my god. Thank you for your love, Boris.

I…I'm really head over heels for you."

"A-Ahaaa? You….you're very welcome. Y-Yes. The feeling is…quite mutual. Words will never encompass what you truly are to me."

"Good…that means it's never-ending. Infinite. Our love is like space."

(Kamal, you really can be whimsical, you know.)

"Just like Bowie?"

"Ehee…like Bowie."

. . .

"I love you, Kamal."

"Love you too. Times infinity."

"Beautiful, darling."

....

"Bory...?"

"Yes, lovey?"

"...I like your belly. A lot. Um...I think it's very soft, to hold. It’s…pretty. Really, really, pretty. Exactly like the rest of you. I-Is that...odd to say?"

. . .

"Noooo...."

"Y-You’re okay with that? Then...hehe...that's good to hear. If I had to choose, in spite of the contrary belief…I suppose I like your belly the most. You know what I mean when I say it.

H-Heheh…"

(Boris doesn’t even feel like sobbing anymore. He’s so used to his love by now.

Beautiful. Wonderful.)

“I-I…love that. Thank you.”

. . .

Don't ever stop your doting, Kamal. When you rest here, beside me, close to me....

I feel like the tidal waves ensured by the moon. I am safe here, without fear.

I’ve always been.

I know you feel it too.

#tw dysphoria #internalized aphobia #cw aphobia #asexual #kooky's fic #aroace writer #ocd tag #asexual characters #apothisexual #cw body talk #they're just talking and snuggling very close #vent fic #tw angst #harassment mention #this is messy #ask to reblog #body postivity #(keeping this out of the main tag. its a bit of a grey area)

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musclesandhammering · 1 year

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Hey, here's my take /as/ a queer man. anyone, gay, straight, etc...can dress how every they want and how ever they feel expresses themself. to me it's a non issue, even if like, you think someone is being disingenuous, I don't think it's an issue and i find it more harmful to me and people like me to have this debate in the zeitgeist to begin with. more straight girls have argued with me about why xyz behaviors is problematic and i find it exhausting. It is more destigmatizing to not put barriers around fashion in the first place & focus on uplifting queer gnc men than tearing other people down.

This is from a couple months ago but I didn’t have the mental bandwidth to answer it until now (sorry).

I appreciate you for responding with your perspective. Like I said, I’m not a queer man (I’m a queer woman), so I really don’t like speaking about the experiences of queer men as a generalisation.

And I agree with you actually! Men (cishet or lgbt) should 1000% be able to wear whatever they want with zero comment from anyone! And if we were debating whether or not Harry Styles dressing in a gnc way was problematic in general, then that would be a pointless conversation. But that’s not the the issue.

My argument was that- while he’s valid a million times over for however he wants to dress or act or whatever- the media and mainstream pop culture fans are wrong for elevating him into this unprecedented progressive icon of masculinity because of the way he dresses. And Harry (imo) is wrong for allowing it and playing into it.

Listen, if Vanity Fair or Vogue (or whatever magazines it was idk I don’t read them lol) regularly gave cover photos and full page profiles and stuff to other gnc people praising them as sort of new age icons for their gnc-ness (specifically gnc openly gay men, or gnc poc, or gnc people who are not stereotypically young and fit and traditionally attractive), then them also giving Harry that treatment would not be sus at all…… but we all know they don’t have a history of doing that. And we all know that when Billy Porter (an older black gnc gay man) or Sam Smith (a plus size gnc genderqueer person) etc live their truth and dress in gnc ways, they do not get as much adoration and adulation and worship and excessive praise by mainstream pop culture media as Harry (again, a young white skinny traditionally attractive most likely cishet- or at the very least not openly queer- man) and the reactions from the general public are always far more mixed. And that’s definitely sus.

It’s almost like the societal establishment realised that newer generations are accepting and celebrating gnc-ness, and knew that they had to pander to that, so they decided to elevate a gnc person….. but because the societal establishment will always edge as close to the conservative status quo as possible, they picked the blandest, whitest, most basic male model type (again- young and fit and noncontroversially hot), who is as close to cishet as they can get (because he refuses to categorise himself as queer, has not shown any evidence of being queer, and thus allows folks with complex homophobia to assume he’s not) while also still allowing them to get half a queer rep point (because, hey, he doesn’t categorise himself… so he might be queer, right?) without having to earn it at all.

And if Harry is just completely Head Empty I’m Just Vibin In My Flower Skirt oblivious to this whole issue, then that’s fine I guess lol- let him vibe! But considering how he’s made it part of his brand to be an lgbt ally and how his fans attack anyone who says anything about this problematic conundrum by screaming that Harry is extremely socially aware and has supported the queer community more than anybody, How Dare You Accuse Him Of Anything!!!- …..Like, it’s either one or the other bro.

If Harry really does know that much about the lgbt community (enough to insert his opinions on in-community issues such as how he thinks gay characters being portrayed as sexual beings is wrong), then he HAS to know that it’s problematic for him to be accepting all these fat ass magazine cover checks and skyrocketing his personal brand with glowing profiles and grasping at more fame and positive recognition for himself via fashion choices, and generally just basking in the praise he’s getting for being a bOuNdArY bReAkInG hErO,.. that other minority gnc people with much less privilege than him have been struggling to receive for decades and STILL struggle to receive.

It’s not like it’s a capital offence or anything. I’m not saying he’s a complete and total worthless piece of shit……. It’s just grating.

#Harry styles discourse #anon #ask #answered #homophobia #transphobia #genderqueer #gay #queer discourse #my opinions #reference to an older ask

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d-criss-news · 2 years

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Darren Criss: ‘Nobody wants to know about the good things on Glee – but I was f***ing there’

You’re getting a full-on TED talk where I get further and further up my own ass and pop out of my own mouth, so buckle up.” Darren Criss is an explosion of chaotic energy. The Glee star also has a lot say, often veering off in slightly paranoid tangents to readjust his points for fear of being misquoted. Maybe it’s because he knows I’ll have to mention some contentious topics, such as his Glee castmate Lea Michele’s behaviour on set or his history of playing LGBT+ characters. Or maybe it’s because I am a member of the British press, which he says is “evil”, adding, “I do not trust you.” Even the topic of his new Christmas album, A Very Darren Crissmas, takes us to unexpected places.

“Aside from it being a painfully convenient pun… It’s a very, very me thing, from the people that I worked on it with and the songs that I chose that are deeply personal,” he says. “There is just a whole lot of me in this and arguably, it’s one of the most personal albums or bodies of work I’ve ever made. But it perhaps might get lost in the sheen of what Christmas is.” His nails, aptly, are painted with candy stripes.

As I sit across a large conference table from Criss, it’s clear he’s put a lot of thought into making the perfect festive record, from his collaborators (Adam Lambert, Lainey Wilson, Evan Rachel Wood) to every meticulously placed high hat or pizzicato string. “To me - and this isn’t to over romanticise it because I’m promoting a Christmas album - when you think of the Great American Songbook, and you think of jazz standards, Christmas songs are a huge part of those,” he says. “On Top 40 radio, they will play songs from the Thirties to the Fifties right alongside the best of the most contemporary hits. That’s such a f***ing crazy anomaly to how music consumption ordinarily works.

Criss says he’s “cursed with constant curiosity in processes”, whether that be with music or acting. It was on YouTube that he first found recognition, starring in the parody stage show A Very Potter Musical, before making it big time on musical comedy Glee, as Blaine Anderson, a member of rival show choir the Dalton Academy Warblers. But it was his chilling performance as the sadomasochistic killer Andrew Cunanan in The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story that felt like a watershed moment, earning him an Emmy, Golden Globe, Critics’ Choice and SAG Award.

Before Glee, Criss had had small roles in Eastwick and Cold Case, but Ryan Murphy’s showchoir comedy allowed him to do both his passions simultaneously. He’d previously gone up for bit parts on the show but being cast as Blaine was his “Slumdog Millionaire moment”, where his first song on the show (a cover of Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream”) reached No 8 in the Billboard Hot 100. As with his Christmas album, it was a place to perform old and new songs together - something he was doing before the show, when he would spend hours every week playing covers in bars and restaurants.

Blaine joined the show in season two (when Glee was already watched by tens of millions) as a love interest for fan-favourite Kurt Hummel, played by Chris Colfer. For many viewers, it was the first time they’d seen a young gay couple presented positively on the small screen. “I have a lot of queer folks that come up to me, particularly older folks, that will say how much that relationship meant to them,” Criss tells me. “They’ll say, ‘When I was growing up, I didn’t really ever get to see that on TV’… and then I always remind them, neither did I… As a cis straight man, I also didn’t see that. And while I have not grown up as a queer person, I’m a lifetime subscriber, man. I’m a season ticket holder to the queer experience. I grew up in San Francisco in the Nineties; these are people that raised my cultural awareness… [so] also it means a lot to me.”

But the topic of straight actors playing LGBT+ roles is a much-debated issue. Neil Patrick Harris, who starred in Hedwig and the Angry Inch on Broadway before Criss did it on the US tour, has previously defended the practice, saying that there is “something sexy” about it. How does he feel about it? Here, that mistrust comes out in Criss - a fear of misspeaking on “complex” issues. “This is a really tough one because, let’s just say, I’ve been s*** on,” he says. “No matter what I say, I’m going to get into the same mess that I’ve always gotten in, which is me being what I believe is very fair and diplomatic, but nobody’s interested in that, because compassion is not currently in vogue. So I don’t know what to say.” We can come back to the question if he wants time to gather his thoughts? “I’m making it sound like I have some controversial thing to say, which I don’t,” he hastens to clarify. “What I say is very normal.” We agree to come back to it.

Unfortunately for us both, the hard questions can’t end here. Last year, Glee was rocked by a series of accusations of bad practice and a toxic work environment on set. The most prominent were aimed at Lea Michele, who played the annoying and ambitious Rachel Berry and was accused by former co-star Samantha Ware of making her life a “living hell” on set. I can feel Criss suck the air through his teeth as I mention the allegations. “Bro, you’re getting right into it,” he says.

There’s a pause. “This is no bulls*** PR nonsense between you and me in this room, and whoever the f*** you want to tell. I have nothing but positive things to say about every single person on that show. I had such lovely interactions with everybody… for somebody who may get pinned as Mr Happy-Go-Lucky, it’s a bummer to me that I can’t celebrate the good things about people who have been extraordinary because I think the great things about people are not as fun to advertise as s***ty moments.” While he says he’s not speaking about any cast members in particular, he knows that fans want the “juicy tea” and will “love to try and think of their own version” when they read this. He’s probably right.

Criss continues: “Working on set is an extraordinarily high-pressure zone where the rules are famously written in sand… There’s a great deal of context and compassion that is missing that nobody wants to know about or write about. But I was f***ing there, and I saw a lot of good things. I saw ‘not great’ things, but not because these people are bad people, truly.” Maybe it’s his “bleeding heart idealism”, he adds, but “I don’t believe anybody was ever twisting their moustache, like” - he puts on a Dick Dastardly voice - “‘I know, I shall compromise these people by doing the following things.’”

It’s also easy to forget that this was a young cast, many of whom were in their first TV roles and had been “shot out of a cannon into the public sphere”. “I f***ing dare anybody out there to have the constitution to be able to deal with that in a way that is spotless,” he says. “Think about it this way. Think about members of your family, fights that you’ve had, things that were said that weren’t meant… If it was written down, or somebody outside the family saw it and broadcast it to other people, it would make you look like a s***ty family… The next night, you’re at dinner, the holidays roll around. You give each other a hug, you respect each other, you love each other. That’s how families work… No one’s gonna write about the good stuff. So I’m here to tell you there was a lot more good stuff than there was bad stuff.”

It was on the show that Criss first worked with Ryan Murphy - a man he describes as a provocateur and a “first-rate showman”. The Nip/Tuck creator was Glee’s showrunner, but it took The Assassination of Gianni Versace, episodes of which were directed by Murphy, for the pair to really collaborate. The second American Crime Story season told the story of Andrew Cunanan, a young Californian who murdered five men in 1997, one of whom was the Italian fashion designer. While the other ACS miniseries have told incredibly well-known stories, Criss found creative freedom in the fact that Cunanan - who died by suicide eight days after shooting Versace - was more of a mystery.

“Unlike if you’re playing OJ, or if you’re playing Monica Lewinsky or Bill Clinton, or these public figures that have an extraordinary amount of documentation of how they look, how they sound, how they walk, how they talk, there was next to nothing on Andrew, which gave me kind of carte blanche to do whatever,” he says. “I think if Andrew was somebody that everybody knew, I think people would have had a very different expectation, because the assignment would have been different.”

It’s here that Criss brings us back to the LGBT+ question, saying that he doesn’t want to “shy away” from the topic. “I think for any role that you’re up for, you want to know if you add value to it, right?” he says. “The Cunanan role came up simply because I’m half Filipino and I share a pretty similar likeness to the guy… He was also very white passing, which I am as well, so there’s a lot of things there that really fit… There are so many performances that are either straight roles given by queer actors or queer roles that are done by straight actors that are so beloved, that we just don’t talk about those. But if they’re done poorly, we get up in arms and we blame it on the fact that this person isn’t queer, this person isn’t straight, as opposed to maybe they just weren’t the right person for the job?”

The problem, he says, is the “double standard” placed on performers once they become public figures - say, on a show like Glee. “If there’s a role that requires somebody or something about them, whether it’s a queer character, or a character that does this or has this background, if we know nothing about them, do we have the objectivity to appreciate their performance?” he asks. “Did they do a good job? Did they service the story? Did they give it life? Did we believe it? Did it give the thing that that character represents visibility? And because the veil has been lifted, we can see everything about somebody. I’m now in a position in my life where folks can look up anything about me, at least [that] I’ve let out there. That is a standard that is held up to the roles that I play.”

Criss says that while there’s no “hard and fast rule”, he is acutely aware of the “social barometer” and has turned down “plenty of queer roles” over the years, saying: “I’ll read a script and go, ‘I, as a consumer, would rather see a queer man do this role.’” A few years ago he made headlines for seeming to say that he wouldn’t play an LGBT+ character ever again. Today, he says that was a misquote. “I was like, ‘I never said this,’” he says. “What I did say was that I don’t want to be another…” He seems to lose his train of thought. “This is less about what I said and more about the issue of clickbait and how it can dilute what was actually said and it becomes corrosive to the overall message. That’s what’s unfortunate to me.” He pauses. “You should f***ing quote me on that. You won’t, but it’s OK.”

‘A Very Darren Crissmas’ is out now

#darren criss #the independent #press #glee #acs versace #a very darren crissmas #lgbt+#dec 2021

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owlishintergalactic · 2 years

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The Deadline is Approaching, But It's Not Too Late

On December 31st, submissions for Duck Prints Press' third and fourth anthologies will close, but there's still room for fanfic writers who are interested in writing queer, original stories. I know some of you out there might be nervous—I know I was when I applied for the first anthology, Add Magic to Taste. While it wasn't my first publishing credit, it was my first paid story, and I am well aware of brain weasels that whisper, "You're not good enough." I almost self-selected out, but I didn't, and the experience was something amazing and hard to describe.

I don't want anyone to miss out on an opportunity to get their stories out into the world, so I thought it might help to both offer some advice on picking and polishing a piece last minute, and link you to the story that earned me a place in the anthology—imperfections included. A quick disclaimer here: I am an editor and a judge, but this piece is based on my experiences as a writer. This isn't an official Duck Prints Press post, just my personal opinions and advice as someone who has gone through the process herself and the things I kept in mind when I created my writing sample.

For my entry, I composed an entirely new short story in two, very long, stressful, and obsessive days. You don't have to do that if your muse isn't the sort to pop out 1-2k words in 48 hours. Since we're down to the wire here, why not start with your backlog of previously written stories? I wasn't satisfied with my fics because I'd gone on hiatus for a couple of years, but many of you are writing fics right now! Duck Prints Press is for fanfic writers, and most of us authors have a decent selection of published and unpublished stories to choose from on our hard drives and Ao3 accounts. Take a look at your stories, you may already have a sample you're proud of. What you are looking for is a good example of your writing that has a plot, well developed characters, a setting with enough detail the judges can imagine it, and something that can be made fandom-blind friendly. If you do decide to quickly create a new sample, like I did, a lot of this will still apply.

What to look for? Find yourself a story that's within 1 to 2k words, or slightly over if you're willing to whittle something down. If you aren't a short story writer, take a look at your longfics. Often, scenes and chapters can act like self-enclosed stories and with a bit of editing can serve as a perfect sample. For example, you might have a scene where a character is nervous about throwing another character a birthday party and that nervousness/tension is resolved within the >2k scene. In the midst of your larger story, you've told us a smaller story! It's perfect. During this process, you will want to make sure you're picking out a story with a plot and not a vignette. Looking at the birthday party example above, a vignette would be Character A's observations of the party he has thrown for Character B. He might wax poetically how he loves the man, and how pleased he is Character B is enjoying himself. The same is a story if Character A is a little bit in love with Character B and is nervous about giving her a perfect birthday party. The party ensues, shenanigans happen (or don't happen), and their relationship grows stronger because of it. I think of it like this: a vignette is like a photograph in written form, while a story is a moving picture.

Now to Edit. It'd be amazing to find the perfect piece right off the bat, but most of us don't have something that fits in every way. Even if you did, you'd want to go over it at least once more for spelling and grammar. So here is some things to look for in your pre-existing piece. You can find the rubric here to help guide you more, but don't let perfect be the enemy of opportunity. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes and the judges are also writers.

As I noted above, go over spelling and grammar to the best of your abilities. Editors can do a lot, but it helps to show you have a decent grasp of mechanics. If you are lucky enough to have someone who can beta you at the last minute, send it on over for a second check. Send in your best effort and let your words shine.

Read the piece as if you have no knowledge of your fandom, or if you can, have someone with no knowledge go through and see if anything trips them up. Making something fandom-blind friendly can be as simple as explaining fandom specific terms and adding brief descriptions for characters.

Check to make sure you have all the elements of writing in your selection: description, dialogue, exposition, action, and inner monologue. Your characters should exist in an environment they interact with, they should have thoughts and feelings (a unique voice), their conversation should flow, and their bodies should do something while they're talking. Like grammar and spelling, these are important writing mechanics. Not every scene needs all of these things, but it's important to show you can do all of these things.

Trim if you need to. Unforth, the founder of the press, has written a post on editing an over-length story down to size.

Check to see if anything needs to be tagged.

Now check out this post on how to write a pitch for the story you want to write for the anthology.

Most importantly, be confident. You write better than you give yourself credit for. I know you do. We are our own worst critics and what we see in ourselves isn't what everyone else sees. In the words of Shia LaBeouff: Just Do It. This is your chance to shine, and you can shine! Even if you don't make it your first try, the feedback you receive could help you grow so you can make another attempt. You rock, and you are worth taking the risk. (If anyone is curious, this is the story I used as a sample. It's posted on Royal Road: Will You Go)

#call for submissions #writers of tumblr #writing #writing advice #writing blog #fanfiction writer #my writing #duck prints press #original fiction #fanfiction #writing sample #writing opportunity #queer fiction #queer writers #wlw fiction #mlm fiction #masquerades

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writemarcus · 3 years

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HITTING NEW HEIGHTS

BY MARCUS SCOTT

ORIGINAL RENT STAR DAPHNE RUBIN-VEGA TAKES YOU INSIDE THE IN THE HEIGHTS FILM

Qué quiere decir sueñito?” The disembodied voice of a girlchild ponders. “It means ‘little dream,’” responds an unseen authoritative figure, his feathery tenor with a soft rasp and tender lilt implying there’s more to the story.

Teal waves crash against the white sand coastal lines of the Dominican Republic and a quartet of children plead with the voice to illuminate and tell a story. Usnavi de la Vega (played by Anthony Ramos), sporting his signature newsboy flat cap and full goatee, begins to narrate and weave a tall-tale from the comforts of his beachside food cart: “This is the story of a block that was disappearing. Once upon a time in a faraway land called Nueva York, en barrio called Washington Heights. Say it, so it doesn’t disappear,” he decrees.

And we’re off, this distant magic kingdom ensnared within the winding urban sprawl of farthest-uptown Manhattan, the music of the neighborhood chiming with infinite possibilities: a door-latch fastening on tempo, a ring of keys sprinkling a sweet embellishment, the splish-splash of a garden hose licking the city streets like a drumstick to a snare fill, a manhole cover rotating like vinyl on a get-down turntable, the hiss of paint cans spraying graffiti like venoms from cobras and roll-up steel doors rumbling, not unlike the ultra-fast subway cars zigzagging underground. So begins the opening moments of In the Heights, the Warner Bros. stage-to-screen adaptation of the Tony Award-winning musical by composer-lyricist Lin-Manuel Miranda (Hamilton) and librettist Quiara Alegría Hudes (Water by the Spoonful) that is set to premiere in movie theatres and on HBO Max on June 11, 2021.

This stunning patchwork of visuals and reverberations combine to create a defiant and instantly memorable collage of inner-city living not seen since Walter Hill’s 1979 cult classic The Warriors or West Side Story, the iconic romantic musical tragedy directed on film by Robert Wise and original Broadway director Jerome Robbins. With Jon M. Chu at the helm, the musical feature has all the trademarks of the director’s opulent signature style: Striking spectacles full of stark colors, va-va-voom visuals, ooh-la-la hyperkinetic showstopping sequences and out-of-this-world destination locations.

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A Kind of Priestess

Joining the fray of proscenium stage vets in the film is Broadway star Daphne Rubin-Vega, who originated the role of Mimi in the Off-Broadway and Broadway original productions of Rent. She returns to major motion pictures after a decade since her last outing in Nancy Savoca’s Union Square, which premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival in 2011. When we caught up with Rubin-Vega, she was hard at work, in-between rehearsals with her In the Heights co-star Jimmy Smits on Two Sisters and a Piano, the 1999 play by Miami-based playwright Nilo Cruz, a frequent collaborator. Rubin-Vega netted a Tony Award nomination for Best Featured Actress in a Play for her role as the enraptured Conchita in Cruz’s Anna in the Tropics; that same year Cruz was awarded the 2003 Pulitzer Prize for Drama, making him the first Latino playwright to receive the honor. Despite significant global, social and economic disruption, especially within the arts community, Rubin-Vega has been working throughout the COVID-19 pandemic.

“People around me have [contracted] COVID… My father-in-law just had it. I’m very fortunate,” Rubin-Vega said. “This collective experience, it’s funny because it’s a year now and things seem better. Last year it was, like, ‘Damn, how inconvenient!’ The one comfort was that, you know, it’s happening to every one of us. That clarity that this is a collective experience is much more humbling and tolerable to me.”

The last time Rubin-Vega graced Washington Heights on screen or stage, she acted in the interest of survival and hunger as a probationer released after a 13-year stint in prison and given a new lease on life as an unlicensed amateur masseuse in the basement of an empanada shop in Empanada Loca, The Spalding Gray-style Grand Guignol horror play by Aaron Mark at the LAByrinth Theater Company in 2015. In In the Heights she plays Daniela, an outrageously vivacious belting beautician with a flair for the dramatics, forced to battle a price-gouging real estate bubble in the wake of gentrification.

“She’s like the deputy or the priestess,” Rubin-Vega said. “Owning a salon means that you have a lot of information; you’re in a hub of community, of information, of sharing… it’s also where you go for physical grooming. It’s a place where women were empowered to create their own work and it is a place of closeness, spiritual advice, not-so-spiritual advice. Physical attention.”

She said, “Daniela also being an elder; I think she’s not so much a person that imposes order on other people. She’s there to bring out the best—she leads with love. She tells it like it is. I don’t think she sugar-coats things. What you see is what you get with Daniela. It’s refreshing; she has a candor and sure-footedness that I admire.”

With the film adaptation, Chu and Hudes promised to expand the universe of the Upper Manhattan-based musical, crafting new dimensions and nuances to two characters in particular: Daniela and hairdresser Carla, originally portrayed as business associates and gossip buddies in the stage musical. On the big screen they are reimagined as romantic life partners. Stephanie Beatriz, known to audiences for her hilarious turn as the mysterious and aloof Detective Rosa Diaz in the police procedural sitcom romp “Brooklyn Nine-Nine,” co-stars as the fast-talking firecracker, Carla.

It’s been a year waiting, you know. It’s like the lid’s been on it and so we’re just so ready to explode.

Where Is Home?

“Well, Quiara and Jon really expanded on what Lin and Quiara originally created and now they’re partners—and not just work partners, right? But they’re life partners,” Beatriz said at a March press event celebrating the release of the film’s two promo trailers. “What was so gratifying to me as a person who is queer is to see this relationship in the film be part of the fabric of the community, and to be normal, and be happy and functioning, and part of the quilt they’ve all created.”

She continued, “So much of this film is about where home is and who home is to you. And for Carla, Daniela is home. Wherever Daniela is, that’s where Carla feels at home. I thought that they did such a beautiful job of guiding us to this, really, you know, it’s just a happy functioning relationship that happens to be gay and in the movie. And I love that they did that, because it is such a part of our world.”

Rubin-Vega said she had no interest in playing any trope of what one might think a lesbian Latina might look or act like, noting that the queer experience isn’t monolithic, while expressing that the role offered her a newfound freedom, especially with regard to being present in the role and in her everyday life.

“Spoiler alert! I felt like not wearing a bra was going to free me. Did I get it right? Am I saying that gay women don’t wear bras? No, it was just a way for me to be in my body and feel my breasts. To feel my femaleness and celebrate it in a more unapologetic way,” she said, laughing. “To be honest, I was really looking forward to playing a lesbian Latina. It’s something that I hadn’t really explored before. Latinos [can be] very homophobic as a culture, and I wanted to play someone who didn’t care about homophobia; I was gonna live my best life. That’s a bigger thing. It’s also like, maybe I’m bisexual. Who knows? Who cares? If you see that in the film, that’s cool too, you know?”

Stand-out performances abound, especially with regard to the supporting cast; newcomers Melissa Barrera (in a role originated by Tony Award winner Karen Olivo) and Gregory Diaz IV (replacing three-time Tony Award nominee Robin de Jesús) are noteworthy as the aspiring fashion designer Vanessa and budding activist Sonny. Olga Merediz, who earned a Tony Award nomination for originating her role as Abuela Claudia, returns to the silver screen in a captivating performance that will be a contender come award season. However, Rubin-Vega may just be the one to watch. Her performance is incandescent and full of moxie, designed to raise endorphin levels. She leads an ensemble in the rousing “Carnaval del Barrio,” a highlight in the film.

Musical Bootcamp

“We shot in June [2019]. In April, we started musical bootcamp. In May, we started to do the choreography. My big joke was that I would have to get a knee replacement in December; that was in direct relation to all that choreography. I mean, there were hundreds of A-1 dancers in the posse,” Rubin-Vega said. “The family consisted of hundreds of superlative dancers led by Chris[topher] Scott, with an amazing team of dancers like Ebony Williams, Emilio Dosal, Dana Wilson, Eddie Torres Jr. and Princess Serrano. We rehearsed a fair bit. Monday through Friday for maybe five weeks. The first day of rehearsal I met Melissa [Barrera] and Corey [Hawkins], I pretty much hadn’t known everyone yet. I hadn’t met Leslie [Grace] yet. Chris Scott, the choreographer, just went straight into ‘let’s see what you can do.’ It was the first [dance] routine of ‘In The Heights,’ the opening number. He was like, ‘OK, let’s go. Five, six, seven, eight!’”

Rubin-Vega said that she tried to bring her best game, though it had “been a minute” since she had to execute such intricate choreography, noting that they shot the opening number within a day while praising Chu’s work ethic and leadership.

“There was a balance between focus and fun and that’s rare. Everyone was there because they wanted to be there,” she said. “I think back to the day we shot ‘96,000.’ That day it wouldn’t stop raining; [it was] grey and then the sky would clear and we’d get into places and then it would be grey again and so we’d have to wait and just have to endure. But even the bad parts were kind of good, too. Even the hottest days. There were gunshots, there was a fire while we were shooting and we had to shut down, there was traffic and noise and yet every time I looked around me or went into video village and saw the faces in there, I mean…it felt like the only place to be. You want to feel like that in every place you are: The recognition. I could recognize people who look like me. For now on, you cannot say I’ve never seen a Panamanian on film before or a Columbian or a Mexican, you know?”

Another Notion of Beauty

Rubin-Vega’s professional relationship with the playwright Hudes extends to 2015, when she was tapped to [participate in the] workshop [production of] Daphne’s Dive. Under the direction of Thomas Kail (Hamilton) and starring alongside Samira Wiley (“The Handmaid’s Tale,” “Orange Is the New Black”), the play premiered Off-Broadway at the Pershing Square Signature Center the following year. Rubin-Vega also starred in Miss You Like Hell, the cross-country road musical by Hudes and Erin McKeown, which premiered at La Jolla Playhouse in 2016 before it transferred to The Public Theater in 2018. With her participation in the production of In the Heights, she is among the few to have collaborated with all of the living Latinx playwrights to have won the Pulitzer Prize; Hudes won the 2012 Pulitzer Prize for Drama for her play Water by the Spoonful, while Miranda took home the 2016 Pulitzer Prize for Drama for Hamilton. Speaking on her multiple collaborations over the years, Rubin-Vega also acknowledged having known Miranda years before they would join voices.

“Lin to me is like a little bro or legacy; he’s a direct descent to me from [Rent author] Jonathan Larson, which is a bigger sort of all-encompassing arch,” she said, though she stressed that she auditioned like everyone else, landing the role after two or three callbacks. “Quiara and I have a wonderful working and personal relationship, I think. Which isn’t to say I had dibs by any means because…it’s a business that wants the best for itself, I suppose. […] So, when I walked in, I was determined to really give it my best.”

Life During and After Rent

Rubin-Vega has built an impressive resume over the course of her career, singing along with the likes of rock stars like David Bowie and starring in a multitude of divergent roles on Broadway and off. From a harrowing Fantine in Les Misérables and a co-dependent Stella in A Streetcar Named Desire to a sinister Magenta in The Rocky Horror Show, her evolution into the atypical character actor and leading lady can be traced back 25 years to January 25, 1996, when Larson’s groundbreaking musical Rent, a retelling of Giacomo Puccini’s 19th-century opera La Bohème, premiered at the New York Theatre Workshop. On the morning of the first preview, Larson suffered an aortic dissection, likely from undiagnosed Marfan’s syndrome and died at the age of 35, just ten days shy of what would have been his 36th birthday.

On April 29, 1996, due to overwhelming popularity, Rent transferred to Nederlander Theatre on Broadway, tackling contemporary topics the Great White Way had rarely seen, such as poverty and class warfare during the AIDS epidemic in New York City’s gritty East Village at the turn of the millennium. Rubin-Vega would go on to be nominated for the Tony Award for Best Performance by a Leading Actress in a Musical for her role as sex kitten Mimi Márquez, an HIV-positive heroin addict and erotic dancer.

The show became a cultural phenomenon, receiving several awards including the Pulitzer Prize for Drama and four Tony Awards, including Best Musical. Rubin-Vega and members of the original Broadway cast were suddenly overnight sensations, recording “Seasons of Love” alongside music icon Stevie Wonder, receiving a photo shoot with Vanity Fair and landing the May 13, 1996 cover of Newsweek. Throughout its 12-year Broadway run, many of the show’s original cast members and subsequent replacements would go on to be stars, including Renée Elise Goldsberry, who followed in Rubin-Vega’s footsteps to play the popular character before originating the role of Angelica Schuyler in Hamilton, for which she won the 2016 Tony Award for Best Featured Actress in a Musical.

When the screen adaptation of Rent hit cinemas in 2005 under the direction of Chris Columbus, Rubin-Vega’s conspicuous absence came as a blow to longtime fans. The confluence of pregnancy with the casting and filming process of Rent hindered her from participating at the time. The role was subsequently given to movie star Rosario Dawson.

“First of all, if you’re meant to be in a film, you’re meant to be in it,” Rubin-Vega said. “That’s just the way it goes. It took a quarter of a century but this [In the Heights] is a film that I wanted to make, that I felt the elements sat right. I always felt that Rent was a little bit darker than all that. Rent to me is Rated R. In The Heights is not. It’s also a testament. Unless it’s sucking your soul and killing you softly or hardly, just stick with it. This is a business and I keep forgetting it’s a business because actors just want to show art. So, it’s really wonderful when you get a chance to say what you mean and mean what you say with your work. It’s a really wonderful gift.”

Rarely-Explored Themes

Like Larson’s award-winning show and the film adapted from it, In The Heights is jam-packed with hard-hitting subject matter, addressing themes of urban blight, immigration, gentrification, cultural identity, assimilation and U.S. political history. When Rubin-Vega’s character Daniela and her partner were priced out of the rent for her salon, most of her clientele moved to the Grand Concourse Historic District in the Bronx. Her salon, a bastion of the community, is met with a polar response when she announces she’s joining the mass exodus with the other victims of gentrification who were pushed out by rising rents. The news is met with negative response from long-time patrons who refuse to take the short commute to the new location. Daniela counters, “Our people survived slave ships, we survived Taino [indigenous Caribbean people] genocide, we survived conquistadores and dictators…you’re telling me we can’t survive the D train to Grand Concourse?”

The question is humorous, but also insinuates a more nuanced understanding of the AfroLatinidad experience in the Western world. The film also looks at the American Dream with a naturalistic approach. Leslie Grace, who plays Nina Rosario, a first-generation college student returning from her freshman year at Stanford University and grappling with finances and the expectations of her community, noted that while her character “finds [herself] at some point at a fork in the road,” she may not have the luxury to be indecisive because of the pressures put on by family, community and country.

“The struggle of the first-generation Americans in the Latino community is not talked about a lot because it’s almost like a privilege,” Grace asserted. “You feel like it’s a privilege to talk about it. But there is a lot of identity crisis that comes with it and I think we explore that.” Speaking on the character, she elaborated: “Home for her is where her heart is, but also where her purpose is. So, she finds her purpose in doing something outside of herself, greater than herself and going back to Stanford for the people she loves in her community. I really relate to where she’s at, trying to find herself. And I think a lot of other people will, too.”

Worth Singing About

For Miranda, a first-generation Puerto Rican New Yorker that grew up in Inwood at the northernmost tip of Manhattan before attending Wesleyan University where he would develop the musical, this speaks to a larger issue of what defines a home.

“What does ‘home’ even mean? Every character is sort of answering it in a different way,” he said. “For some people, home is somewhere else. For some people, home is like ‘the block’ they’re on. So, that’s worth singing about. It’s worth celebrating in a movie of this size.”

Given the current zeitgeist, it’s no wonder why Chu, Hudes and Miranda decided to pivot with adapting the stage musical for the big screen, leaning in to tackle the plights and predicaments of DREAMers [children of undocumented immigrants seeking citizenship] stateside. In one scene, glimpses of posters at a protest rally read “Immigrant Rights are Human Rights” and “Refugees Are People Too.” Growing up in a multicultural household as a Latina with a Black Latina mother, a white father and a Jewish American stepfather, Rubin-Vega said she was used to being in spaces that were truly multiracial. Nevertheless, there were times when she often felt alien, especially as a du jour rock musical ingenue who looked as she did in the mid-1990s through the 2000s.

“Undocumented people come in different shapes and colors,” she noted. “To be born in a land that doesn’t recognize you, it’s a thing that holds so much horror… so much disgrace happens on the planet because human beings aren’t recognized as such sometimes.”

The film “definitely sheds light on that, but it also talks about having your dream taken away and its human violation—it’s a physical, spiritual, social, cultural violation,” Rubin-Vega said. “There’s a difference between pursuing dreams and being aware of reality. They’re not mutually exclusive. What this film does, it presents a story that is fairly grounded in reality. It’s a musical, it’s over the top… but it reflects a bigger reality, which is like an emotional reality…that people that are challenged on the daily, have incredible resolve, incredible resoluteness and lifeforce.”

She said: “Growing up, looking like me, I got to ingest the same information as everyone else except when it came time to implement my contributions, they weren’t as welcomed or as seen. The dream is to be seen and to be recognized. Maybe I could be an astronaut or an ingenue on Broadway? You can’t achieve stuff that you haven’t imagined. When it talks about DREAMers, it talks about that and it talks about how to not be passive in a culture that would have you think you are passive but to be that change and to dare to be that change.”

Dreams Come True

Dreams are coming true. Alongside the nationwide release of the much-anticipated film, Random House announced it will publish In the Heights: Finding Home, which will give a behind-the-scenes look at the beginnings of Miranda’s 2008 breakout Broadway debut and journey to the soon-to-be-released film adaptation. The table book will chronicle the show’s 20-year voyage from page to stage—from Miranda’s first drawings at the age of 19 to lyric annotations by Miranda and essays written by Hudes to never-before-seen photos from productions around the world and the 2021 movie set. It will be released to the public on June 22, eleven days after the release of the film; an audiobook will be simultaneously released by Penguin Random House Audio.

Hinting at the year-long delay due to the pandemic, Rubin-Vega said, “It’s been a year waiting, you know. It’s like the lid’s been on it and so we’re just so ready to explode.”

Bigger Dreams

“Jon [Chu], I think, dreams bigger than any of us dare to dream in terms of the size and scope of this,” Miranda said. “We spent our summer [in 2018] on 175th Street. You know, he was committed to the authenticity of being in that neighborhood we [all] grew up in, that we love, but then also when it comes to production numbers, dreaming so big. I mean, this is a big movie musical!”

Miranda continued, “We’re so used to asking for less, just to ask to occupy space, you know? As Latinos, we’re, like, ‘Please just let us make our little movie.’ And Jon, every step of the way, said, like, ‘No, these guys have big dreams. We’re allowed to go that big!’ So, I’m just thrilled with what he did ’cause I think it’s bigger than any of us ever dreamed.”

Speaking at the online press conference, Miranda said, “I’m talking to you from Washington Heights right now! I love it here. The whole [movie] is a love letter to this neighborhood. I think it’s such an incredible neighborhood. It’s the first chapter in so many stories. It’s a Latinx neighborhood [today]. It was a Dominican neighborhood when I was growing up there in the ’80s. But before that it was an Irish neighborhood and Italian. It’s always the first chapter in so many American stories.”

#Marcus Scott #MarcusScott #Write Marcus #writemarcus #Encore Monthly #theatre #Theater #Musical Theatre #musical theater #daphne rubin vega #rent #rent musical #Jon M Chu #lin manuel miranda #in the heights #Anthony Ramos

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lokiondisneyplus · 3 years

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Director Kate Herron calls from her childhood bedroom. She's staying at her parents' home in Southeast London for the summer, having spent the past year apart due to the pandemic and directing her latest series, Marvel's Loki. "It's so surreal seeing the show go out," she says over Zoom, "and being in the room that I was last in as a teenager."

Loki's first three episodes have seen the God of Mischief (Tom Hiddleston) team up with Agent Mobius (Owen Wilson) and the all-powerful Time Variance Authority to track down a fugitive Variant of himself: A female Loki that goes by Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) who's set on blowing up the Sacred Timeline and, with it, the MCU as we know it.

"My dad, bless him, he was never into Marvel before, but now he's obsessed with it," she says. "When I got the job, he started watching his way through the films, and he's got all these different YouTubers that he now watches for theories, and he tries to get spoilers out of me. He's like, 'What does it mean?!' and I'm like, 'Dad, I can't tell you!' It's very sweet, but very funny."

Now, with three episodes left of the season, she's bracing for their first family viewing experience. "I might not be able to, though. I might be like, 'You have to watch it by yourselves and then we can talk!'" she laughs. "Wait to hear the Loki theme and be like, 'Oh, I can go downstairs now.'"

In the meantime, Herron fielded all of ET's midseason questions about making Loki's bisexuality canon in the MCU, flexing more of his magic than ever before and why Sylvie isn't really Lady Loki or the Enchantress.

We are halfway through the season. Outside your parents, how has the reaction felt so far?

It's been amazing. We had these big ideas in it -- like, about free will and good and evil -- and wanting to [know that] if we're going back in with Loki because he's so beloved, that it's going to be a good story for that character, but some fresh terrain. I think the response has been pretty joyous and it's just so fun seeing what people are liking, what people's theories are. I couldn't be more happy, to be honest.

Being someone who appears pretty online and active on social media, how deep are you going into reading what people say and diving into those theories and all that?

I definitely read a lot of them -- I don't comment on them -- but I used to love Lost and Game of Thrones, and I was on Reddit, commenting, like, "Ooh, maybe it means this or means this," and I think that's the fun thing with our show, right? Our fans are so smart and it's fun seeing what they're getting right and what's not right but is very interesting. The Easter eggs they dig up are always amazing to me. Some of them we put in there, and I'm like, "Well, let's see..." and I'm like, "Oh, they found it!" So, it's really fun tracking it online. It's very weird directing something where you know every frame will be [screen]grabbed by some fans because they're looking for stuff.

I loved your tweet about why it was important for you to confirm that Loki is bisexual in the show. Not really reveal -- because he's bisexual in the comics -- but make that canon. Talk to me about having those conversations with Marvel.

I think it was something very important to everyone. And I felt like, OK, how can we acknowledge this? We have aspects of the story that are there, so how do we build this into the story so it feels earned in the moment? I didn't want it to feel like we were just wedging something in, but we had this beautiful scene where these two characters are being really raw and really honest about who they are, and I was like, "Well, it is a part of who he is and who they are." For me, talking with Michael [Waldron] and Bisha [K. Ali], it just felt like it was the right moment for that line. This episode is really beautiful for me, because it's these two characters getting to know each other, so in that sense, it felt like the right place for that conversation to happen. And I thought it was done really beautifully by the writers.

Obviously, like I've said, it's very personal to me, and I said it was a small step in some ways -- because obviously, he's just talking about it -- but in the bigger scale of things, I'm like, oh no, it's massive actually. If I saw that when I was 10, it would be really big for me. It's been really nice getting comments from people online. Some people were like, "It helped me actually talk about how I feel to my family and helped me come out." And I thought, "Well, if it helped one person do that, then it's worth it."

This is the MCU's first lead character who is openly queer. Did you know that? Were you aware of how big a milestone this would be?

Yeah. Well, in some senses, yes, and in some senses you're never sure, right? Because [Marvel is] so secretive about all their other projects. [Laughs] For me, I was like, I'm telling Loki's story, it's a part of who they are and I just want to acknowledge it. It's canon in the comics and if we can make it canon in the films, that would be amazing. When I came on board, I was like, if there's a way to do this, it would mean a lot to me and, I'm sure, a lot of people. But it was very welcomed, and I think we're all very proud of how we did that.

This may be getting into spoiler territory that you aren't able to talk about, but acknowledging one's sexuality is one important part of representation, seeing it play out through relationships is another. Can we expect to see any further exploration of what it means for Loki to be bisexual in this show?

I'm trying to think how to answer your question. [Laughs] I would say in our story, this is how we acknowledge it. But I hope that that paves the way for deeper exploration.

We're halfway through the season. What were your biggest goals in these first three episodes?

I think the biggest one was obviously, the Loki we're with in this story is on a completely different path, so it was tracking his character in the sense that he basically sees this amazing arc that the other Loki had gone on across the MCU movies, he sees that he reconciles with his brother, but that wasn't him in that moment. He's watching a different version of himself. But seeing that moment and seeing that he has room for growth and change is really interesting with our Loki, because he's in a very different headspace. So, it was tracking, what's familiar about this character from the Loki that we've seen over the last 10 years go from villain to antihero? And what is going to be completely different and completely different sides to this character that we get to now dig our teeth into? That was something really important to me and to Tom and the writing team, and it was really fun unpacking that and what his identity means.

The other challenges, honestly, were just setting up the TVA, because it's outside of time and space and giving that a grounding and a reality and making that feel like a whole new exciting corner of the MCU. That was a big responsibility, and I was really excited by that. And then you have the bigger arc of the story, but you also knowing it's going out weekly on TV. So, how are we going to track this week by week. Where are we leaving the characters and what are we leaving for the audience? Something we always thought about was we knew there'd be discussion week to week, so it was like, "Where are we going to give them certain bits of information across the show?" We wanted to provoke conversation and discussion about even just things like free will, you know?

I will say about the TVA, I'm basically a human Miss Minutes stan account. I think she's the baddest bitch in the MCU. I watch every Miss Minutes fancam that pops up on my Twitter feed.

She's incredible! What I love about it is that she's in our first episode and she actually used to come out of the presentation that Loki watches -- she came out on the screen -- but it was too crazy. We were like, "OK, we can't do that in the first episode. We'll do it in the second episode!" But what I love about her is that we're seeing the TVA through Loki's eyes and it's, like, the status quo, right? And if our status quo is a Southern-talking, Roger Rabbit-style clock, the show is going to probably get quite weird. I think that's what I love about her. And obviously, Tara [Strong] is awesome. Yeah, Miss Minutes is a lot of fun.

You talked about exploring who Loki is and could be. He's always had an arsenal of powers, but in this series, you really get to explore and define what his power set is. What were those conversations like?

That was something else, coming in, I was so excited about. We have six hours of him, let's see some more magic. Because across the comics, he's super powerful, and for example, in the last episode, that's what was so exciting to me about that, the oner at the end of episode 3 was that I've seen a lot of oners but I haven't seen one with magic. So, I was like, let's put loads of magic in there! We get Loki using his telekinesis and his magic blasts and then also Sylvie, as well, and her powers.

For me, it was exciting getting to bring those in in a way that pushed the story forwards. Because I get it, when he first lands in the TVA, they can't use magic, so I know if I was watching, I'd be like, "What? No magic?!" But I think that's the fun thing is, we still have three episodes to go and also it was fun to put him on Lamentis and see him using his powers in different ways. It was definitely something important to me and the team, was to get to show a little bit more of him. But across the films, you can only do so much. Now we have six hours, so it felt like, of course we have to delve into that more.

I don't know if you saw this on Twitter, one of my favorite reactions to episode 3 was someone tweeted a screenshot of Sylvie screaming and her hands glowing and wrote, "she did the meme!!"

[Laughs] That's great!

We've now officially met Sylvie, and we're starting to piece together that this may be sort of a hybrid character of Lady Loki and Sylvie Lushton, the Enchantress. Are you able to confirm that you pulled from both to create your Sylvie? Or is that something that's to be further revealed?

I would say there's more to be delved into. One thing I would say is, like, she's different to the comics. Like, she's a unique character, but obviously, there's things that have been pulled from. I think for her character, she's on the run and she's called Sylvie and she's dyed her hair. The blonde that we associate with Sylvie is played in that sense, but it makes sense for her character within our story. But I would say deeper than that, yeah, there's more to be revealed about her character to comes.

The main thing I would say is: Lady Loki in the comics is a very different character to our character, obviously. I love that character and I think she's got a very different journey. But our Sylvie is a female Loki, in that sense -- because in episode 1 and 2, they know it's a Loki they're tracking -- but I think that's part of the discussion. It's almost like Loki -- as in Tom Loki -- he's like, "Wait, how much of my life have you got? Who are you?" And I think that's the real question is, who is she? So, we will discuss that as the show goes on. Why does she not like being called Loki? What's her past? Where did she come from?

Tom and Sophia have such great chemistry, but how challenging was it for you and Michael and Sophia and the writers to create a character that essentially has to match up with our Loki, who's had however many films to become the fan-favorite character that he is?

It starts in the writing. Because she's a unique creation, and that was exciting and I was intrigued where they were pulling from with the comics. I was like, OK, that's cool. Beyond that, I think it's casting it. Sophia is an incredible actor. I've worked with her before. She has this fire in her and she brings this amazing vulnerability to all her characters, but she's also, like, so funny. It's just, so many of these things she always brings, I was like, they're so Loki. So, I was like, "We've got to get her to read!" And we were just all blown away by her read of it.

She definitely can hold her own. That's the other thing, as well. I know her, and I was like, she will hold her own. I know she will. Because she's going against Tom's Loki and that's such the fun thing about them. Even just on the train, where it's the end of the world and Loki's solution is, "I'm going to have a party and I'm going to have a drink. I'm going to have a lovely time." And her solution is, "I'm not going to have a glass of champagne, thanks. I'm going to focus on the mission of getting off the moon." Those little differences is what's quite fun about them to me. How are they different, and how are they the same?

Was there something you got to do as a director in these first three episodes that you had never done before that you were especially excited or nervous or both to tackle?

I suppose so much of the show, right? Because I've done a lot of drama and a lot of comedy, but they were like, "Here you go! Here's the reins to this massive, genre-driven piece where you have to set up a new corner of the MCU and you're going to have this beloved character." There was a lot to carry. But I'd say in terms of something I was excited about, only because Kevin Feige was teasing me, when we filmed the big oner at the end of episode 3, I was really inspired in the writing, because it sounded like you were really with the characters. I love doing long takes anyway and I remember thinking, "Oh man, this sequence feels like the one that we should do as this oner," because I want the audience to feel like they're with Sylvie and Loki in this moment, and it's also a moment where you finally start to see an apocalypse and it feels more real, because you're seeing the horror and the terror that's going along with that.

For me, that was exciting, but the really cheesy bit that made me so excited is they had these foam rocks that fell on people, but it felt like real movie magic to me. I was so obsessed with the rocks. I was like, "Oh my god. This is like real, big Hollywood filmmaking." And I remember Kevin Feige was like, "You can take a rock home, if you want," and I was like, "Oh my god!" So I have this rock. It's in bubble wrap now, and I'm going to unpack it when I move into my place. But that's probably honestly the most excited I've ever been. [Laughs] I was just so excited by the rocks. Oh, and also, I remember when we were at Roxxcart and Tom gets thrown into those robo dogs, I was obsessed with the robo dogs. He was like, "I think this is the happiest I've ever seen you." So, those are my favorite moments on set. The foam rocks and the robo dogs.

Somebody's going to come into your flat in the future and there's going to be a shelf with just a rock and a robotic dog on it.

Mhmm! And I'll be like, "Yeah, guys, I did something." [Laughs] They'll be like, "What is this...?" But the foam rocks are genuinely amazing, because they look like real, heavy rocks, but they're so light. I was so fascinated with them. I was so excited. I made a lot of low budget stuff before this, so it was a big deal to me.

My favorite part of the first three episodes is the Kate Berlant cameo. How did that come to be?

Basically, I love comedy and my producer, Kevin Wright, does as well, and we were trying to think of people that could be fun. We've got Josh [Fadem] in episode 1, and that was a miracle. I just spoke to her about the part and was like, "This is a very small role, but if you're interested, you're very talented and you're so funny." And she was like, "You know what? That sounds really fun. Renaissance faire? Yeah, I'll come do it." So, it was very kind of her to come down and do that for us. She's so funny, man. She's so funny.

Do you let her riff at all?

We did. We have a lot of alts and a lot of very extended bits of her talking to the Minutemen. I think there's one where she talks about a bird show at the faire. She's so funny. I was very flattered and grateful that she did that for us.

I'm going to start the #ReleaseTheKateBerlantCut campaign. I want a whole episode of her alts. Or she can be the new Stan Lee and cameo in every MCU project. Before I let you go, if you had to choose one word to tease these upcoming three episodes, what is that word?

Hmm. I thought of one word, but then I'm like, it's spoiler-y, so I can't say that. [Laughs] Oh, one word. Exciting? I have to say "exciting," because I can't say the other one I wanted to say!

#Kate Herron #Loki #interview

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boredout305 · 3 years

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Kid Congo Powers Interview

Kid Congo Powers was a founding member of the Gun Club. He also played with The Cramps and Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Powers currently fronts Kid Congo and the Pink Monkey Birds and recently completed a memoir, Some New Kind of Kick.

The following interview focuses on Some New Kind of Kick. In the book Powers recounts growing up in La Puente—a working-class, largely Latino city in Los Angeles County—in the 1960s, as well as his familial, professional and personal relationships. He describes the LA glam-rock scene (Powers was a frequenter of Rodney Bingenheimer’s English Disco), the interim period between glam and punk embodied by the Capitol Records swap meet, as well as LA’s first-wave, late-1970s punk scene.

Well written, edited and awash with amazing photos, Some New Kind of Kick will appeal to fans of underground music as well as those interested in 1960-1980s Los Angeles (think Claude Bessy and Mike Davis). The book will be available from In the Red Records, their first venture into book publishing, soon.

Interview by Ryan Leach

Kid Congo with the Pink Monkey Birds.

Ryan: Some New Kind of Kick reminded me of the New York Night Train oral histories you had compiled about 15 years ago. Was that the genesis of your book?

Kid: That was the genesis. You pinpointed it. Those pieces were done with Jonathan Toubin. It was a very early podcast. Jonathan wanted to do an audio version of my story for his website, New York Night Train. We did that back in the early 2000s. After we had completed those I left New York and moved to Washington D.C. I thought, “I have the outline for a book here.” Jonathan had created a discography and a timeline. I figured, “It’ll be great and really easy. We’ll just fill in some of the blanks and it’ll be done.” Here we are 15 years later.

Ryan: It was well worth it. It reads well. And I love the photographs. The photo of you as a kid with Frankenstein is amazing.

Kid: I’m glad you liked it. You’re the first person not involved in it that I’ve spoken with.

Ryan: As someone from Los Angeles I enjoyed reading about your father’s life and work as a union welder in the 1960s. My grandfather was a union truck driver and my father is a cabinetmaker. My dad’s cousins worked at the General Motors Van Nuys Assembly plant. In a way you captured an old industrial blue-collar working class that’s nowhere near as robust as it once was in Los Angeles. It reminded of Mike Davis’ writings on the subject.

Kid: I haven’t lived in LA for so long that I didn’t realize it doesn’t exist anymore. I felt the times. It was a reflection on my experiences and my family’s experiences. It was very working class. My dad was proud to be a union member. It served him very well. He and my mother were set up for the rest of their lives. I grew up with a sense that he earned an honest living. My parents always told me not to be embarrassed by what you did for work. People would ask me, “What’s your book about? What’s the thrust of it?” As I was writing it, I was like, “I don’t know. I’ll find out when it’s done.” What you mentioned was an aspect of that.

When I started the book and all throughout the writing I had gone to different writers’ workshops. We’d review each other’s work. It was a bunch of people who didn’t know me, didn’t know about music—at least the music I make. I just wanted to see if there was a story there. People were relating to what I was writing, which gave me the confidence to keep going.

Ryan: Some New Kind of Kick is different from Jeffrey Lee Pierce’s autobiography, Go Tell the Mountain. Nevertheless, I couldn’t help but think of Pierce’s work as I read yours. Was Go Tell the Mountain on your mind as you were writing?

Kid: When I was writing about Jeffrey—it was my version of the story. It was about my relationship with him. I wasn’t thinking about his autobiography much at all. His autobiography is very different than mine. Nevertheless, there are some similarities. But his book flew off into flights of prose and fantasy. I tried to stay away from the stories that were already out there. The thing that’s interesting about Jeffrey is that everyone has a completely different story to tell about him. Everyone’s relationship with him was different.

Ryan: It’s a spectrum that’s completely filled in.

Kid: Exactly. One of the most significant relationships I’ve had in my life was with Jeffrey. Meeting him changed my life. It was an enduring relationship. It was important for me to tell my story of Jeffrey.

Ryan: The early part of your book covers growing up in La Puente and having older sisters who caught the El Monte Legion Stadium scene—groups like Thee Midniters. You told me years ago that you and Jeffrey were thinking about those days during the writing and recording of Mother Juno (1987).

Kid: That’s definitely true. Growing up in that area is another thing Jeffrey and I bonded over. We were music hounds at a young age. We talked a lot about La Puente, El Monte and San Gabriel Valley’s culture. We were able to pinpoint sounds we heard growing up there—music playing out of cars and oldies mixed in with Jimi Hendrix and Santana. That was the sound of San Gabriel Valley. It wasn’t all lowrider music. We were drawn to that mix of things. I remember “Yellow Eyes” off Mother Juno was our tribute to the San Gabriel Valley sound.

Ryan: You describe the Capitol Records Swap Meet in Some New Kind of Kick. In the pre-punk/Back Door Man days that was an important meet-up spot whose significance remains underappreciated.

Kid: The Capitol Records Swap Meet was a once-a-month event and hangout. It was a congregation of record collectors and music fans. You’d see the same people there over and over again. It was a community. Somehow everyone who was a diehard music fan knew about it. You could find bootlegs there. It went from glam to more of a Back Door Man-influenced vibe which was the harder-edged Detroit stuff—The Stooges and the MC5. You went there looking for oddities and rare records. I was barely a record collector back then. It’s where I discovered a lot of music. You had to be a pretty dedicated music fan to get up at 6 AM to go there, especially if you were a teenager.

Ryan: I enjoyed reading about your experiences as a young gay man in the 1970s. You’d frequent Rodney’s English Disco; I didn’t know you were so close to The Screamers. While not downplaying the prejudices gay men faced in the 1970s, it seemed fortuitous that these places and people existed for you in that post-Stonewall period.

Kid: Yeah. I was obviously drawn to The Screamers for a variety of reasons. It was a funny time. People didn’t really discuss being gay. People knew we were gay. I knew you were gay; you knew I was gay. But the fact that we never openly discussed it was very strange. Part of that was protection. It also had to do with the punk ethos of labels being taboo. I don’t think that The Screamers were very politicized back then and neither was I. We were just going wild. I was super young and still discovering things. I had that glam-rock door to go through. It was much more of a fantasy world than anything based in reality. But it allowed queerness. It struck a chord with me and it was a tribe. However, I did discover later on that glam rock was more of a pose than a sexual revolution.

With some people in the punk scene like The Screamers and Gorilla Rose—they came from a background in drag and cabaret. I didn’t even know that when I met them. I found it out later on. They were already very experienced. They had an amazing camp aesthetic. I learned a lot about films and music through them. They were so advanced. It was all very serendipitous. I think my whole life has been serendipitous, floating from one thing to another.

Ryan: You were in West Berlin when the Berlin Wall was breached in November 1989. “Here’s another historical event. I’m sure Kid Congo is on the scene.”

Kid: I know! The FBI must have a dossier on me. I was in New York on 9/11 too.

Ryan: A person who appears frequently in your book is your cousin Theresa who was tragically murdered. I take it her death remains a cold case.

Kid: Cold case. Her death changed my entire life. It was all very innocent before she died. That stopped everything. It was a real source of trauma. All progress up until that point went on hold until I got jolted out of it. I eventually decided to experience everything I could because life is short. That trauma fueled a lot of bad things, a lot of self-destructive impulses. It was my main demon that chased me throughout my early adult life. It was good to write about it. It’s still there and that’s probably because her murder remains unsolved. I have no resolution with it. I was hoping the book would give me some closure. We’ll see if it does.

Ryan: Theresa was an important person in your life that you wanted people to know about. You champion her.

Kid: I wanted to pay tribute to her. She changed my life. I had her confidence. I was at a crossroads at that point in my life, dealing with my sexuality. I wanted people to know about Theresa beyond my family. My editor Chris Campion really pulled that one out of me. It was a story that I told, but he said, “There’s so much more to this.” I replied, “No! Don’t make me do it.” I had a lot of stories, but it was great having Chris there to pull them together to create one big story. My original concept for the book was a coming-of-age story. Although it still is, I was originally going to stop before I even joined the Gun Club (in 1979). It was probably because I didn’t want to look at some of the things that happened afterwards. It was very good for my music. Every time I got uncomfortable, I’d go, “Oh, I’ve got to make a record and go on tour for a year and not think about this.” A lot of it was too scary to even think about. But the more I did it, the less scary it became and the more a story emerged. I had a very different book in mind than the one I completed. I’m glad I was pushed in that direction and that I was willing to be pushed. I wanted to tell these stories, but it was difficult.

Ryan: Of course, there are lighter parts in your book. There are wonderful, infamous characters like Bradly Field who make appearances.

Kid: Bradly Field was also a queer punker. He was the partner of Kristian Hoffman of The Mumps. I met Kristian in Los Angeles. We all knew Lance Loud of The Mumps because he had starred in An American Life (1973) which was the first reality TV show. It aired on PBS. I was a fan of The Mumps. Bradly came out to LA with Kristian for an elongated stay during a Mumps recording session. Of course, Bradly and I hit it off when we met. Bradly was a drummer—he played a single drum and a cracked symbol—in Teenage Jesus and the Jerks. Bradly was a real character. He was kind of a Peter Lorre, misanthropic miscreant. Bradly was charming while abrasively horrible at the same time. We were friends and I always remained on Bradly’s good side so there was never a problem.

Bradly had invited me and some punkers to New York. He said that if we ever made it out there that we could stay with him. He probably had no idea we’d show up a month later. Bradly Field was an important person for me to know—an unashamedly gay, crazy person. He was a madman. I had very little interest in living a typical life. That includes a typical gay life. Bradly was just a great gay artist I met in New York when I was super young. He was also the tour manager of The Cramps at one point. You can imagine what that was like. Out of Lux and Ivy’s perverse nature they unleashed him on people.

Ryan: He was the right guy to have in your corner if the club didn’t pay you.

Kid: Exactly. Who was going to say “no” to Bradly?

Ryan: You mention an early Gun Club track called “Body and Soul” that I’m unfamiliar with. I know you have a rehearsal tape of the original Creeping Ritual/Gun Club lineup (Kid Congo Powers, Don Snowden, Brad Dunning and Jeffrey Lee Pierce). Are any of these unreleased tracks on that tape?

Kid: No. Although I do have tapes, there’s no Creeping Ritual material on them. I spoke with Brad (Dunning) and he has tapes too. We both agreed that they’re unlistenable. They’re so terrible. Nevertheless, I’m going to have them digitized and I’ll take another listen to them. “Body and Soul” is an early Creeping Ritual song. At the time we thought, “Oh, this sounds like a Mink DeVille song.” At least in our minds it did. To the best of my ability I did record an approximation of “Body and Soul” on the Congo Norvell record Abnormals Anonymous (1997). I sort of reimagined it. That song was the beginning of things for me with Jeffrey. It wasn’t a clear path when we started The Gun Club. We didn’t say, “Oh, we’re going to be a blues-mixed-with-punk band.” It was a lot of toying around. It had to do with finding a style. Jeffrey had a lot of ideas. We also had musical limitations to consider. We were trying to turn it into something cohesive. There was a lot of reggae influence at the beginning. Jeffrey was a visionary who wanted to make the Gun Club work. Of course, to us he was a really advanced musician. We thought (bassist) Don Snowden was the greatest too. What’s funny is that I saw Don in Valencia, Spain, where he lives now. He came to one of our (Kid Congo and the Pink Monkey Birds) shows a few years ago. He said, “Oh, I didn’t know how to play!”

Ryan: “I knew scales.”

Kid: Exactly. It was all perception. But we were ambitious and tenacious. We were certain we could make something really good out of what we had. That was it. We knew we had good taste in music. That was enough for us to continue on.

Ryan: I knew about The Cramps’ struggles with IRS Records and Miles Copeland. However, it took on a new meaning reading your book. Joining The Cramps started with a real high for you, recording Psychedelic Jungle (1981), and then stagnation occurred due to contractual conflicts.

Kid: There was excitement, success and activity for about a year or two. And then absolutely nothing. As I discuss in my book—and you can ask anyone who was in The Cramps—communication was not a big priority for Lux and Ivy. I was left to my own devices for a while. We were building, building, building and then it stopped. I wasn’t privy to what was going on. I knew they were depressed about it. The mood shifted. It was great recording Psychedelic Jungle and touring the world. The crowds were great everywhere we went. It was at that point that I started getting heavy into drugs. The time off left me with a lot of time to get into trouble. It was my first taste of any kind of success or notoriety. I’m not embarrassed to say that I fell into that trip: “Oh, you know who I am and I have all these musician friends now.” It was the gilded ‘80s. Things were quite decadent then. There was a lot of hard drug use. It wasn’t highly frowned upon to abuse those types of drugs in our circle. What was the reputation of The Gun Club? The drunkest, drug-addled band around. So there was a lot of support to go in that direction. Who knew it was going to go so downhill? We weren’t paying attention to consequences. Consequences be damned. So the drugs sapped a lot of energy out of it too.

I recorded the one studio album (Psychedelic Jungle) with The Cramps and a live album (Smell of Female). The live record was good and fun, but it was a means to an end. It was recorded to get out of a contract. The Cramps were always going to do it their way. Lux and Ivy weren’t going to follow anyone’s rules. I don’t know why people expected them to. To this day, I wonder why people want more. I mean, they gave you everything. People ask me, “When is Ivy going to play again?” I tell them, “She’s done enough. She paid her dues. The music was great.”

Ryan: I think after 30-something years of touring, she’s earned her union card.

Kid: Exactly. She’s done her union work.

Ryan: In your book you discuss West Berlin in the late 1980s. That was a strange period of extreme highs and lows. During that time you were playing with the Bad Seeds, working with people like Wim Wenders (in Wings of Desire) and witnessed the collapse of the Berlin Wall and the GDR. Nevertheless, it was a very dark period marred by substance abuse. Luckily, you came out of it unscathed. As you recount, some people didn’t.

Kid: It was a period of extremes. In my mind, for years, I rewrote that scene. I would say, “Berlin was great”—and it was, that part was true—and then I’d read interviews with Nick Cave and Mick Harvey and they’d say, “Oh, the Tender Prey (1988) period was just the worst. It’s hard to even talk about it.” And I was like, “It was great! What are you talking about?” Then when I started writing about it, I was like, “Oh, fuck! It really wasn’t the best time.” I had been so focused on the good things and not the bad things. Prior to writing my book, I really hadn’t thought about how incredibly dark it was. That was a good thing for me to work out. Some very bad things happened to people around me. But while that was happening, it was a real peak for me as a musician. Some of the greatest work I was involved with was being done then. And yet I still chose to self-destruct. It was a case of right place, right time. But it was not necessarily what I thought it was.

Ryan: Digressing back a bit, when we would chat years back I would ask you where you were at with this project. You seemed to be warming up to it as time went on. And I finally found a copy of the group’s album in Sydney, Australia, a year ago. I’m talking about Fur Bible (1985).

Kid: Oh, you got it?

Ryan: I did.

Kid: In Australia?

Ryan: Yes. It was part of my carry-on luggage.

Kid: I’m sure I can pinpoint the person who sold it to you.

Ryan: Are you coming around to that material now? I like the record.

Kid: Oh, yeah. I hated it for so long. People would say to me, “Oh, the Fur Bible record is great.” I’d respond, “No. It can’t possibly be great. I’m not going to listen to it again, so don’t even try me.” Eventually, I did listen to it and I thought, “Oh, this is pretty good.” I came around to it. I like it.

Ryan: You’ve made the transition!

Kid: I feel warmly about it. I like all of the people involved with it. That was kind of a bad time too. It was that post-Gun Club period. I felt like I had tried something unsuccessful with Fur Bible. I had a little bit of shame about that. Everything else I had been involved with had been successful, in my eyes. People liked everything else and people didn’t really like Fur Bible. It was a sleeper.

Ryan: It is.

Kid: There’s nothing wrong with it. It was the first time I had put my voice on a record and it just irritated the hell out of me. It was a first step for me.

Ryan: You close your book with a heartfelt tribute to Jeffrey Lee Pierce. You wonder how your life would’ve turned out had you not met Jeffrey outside of that Pere Ubu show in 1979. Excluding family, I don’t know if I’ve ever met anyone who’s had that sort of impact on my life.

Kid: As I was getting near the end of the book I was trying to figure out what it was about. A lot of it was about Jeffrey. Everything that moved me into becoming a musician and the life I lived after that was because of him. It was all because he said, “Here’s a guitar. You’re going to learn how to play it.” He had that confidence that I could do it. It was a mentorship. He would say, “You’re going to do this and you’re going to be great at it.” I was like, “Okay.” Jeffrey was the closest thing I had to a brother. We could have our arguments and disagreements, but in the end it didn’t matter. What mattered was our bond. Writing it down made it all clearer to me. His death sent me into a tailspin. I was entering the unknown. Jeffrey was like a cord that I had been hanging onto for so long and it was gone. I was more interested in writing about my relationship with him than about the music of the Gun Club. A lot of people loved Jeffrey. But there were others who said they loved him with disclaimers. I wanted to write something about Jeffrey without the disclaimers. That seemed like an important task—to honor him in a truthful manner.

Ryan: I’m glad that you did that. Jeffrey has his detractors, but they all seem to say something along the lines of “the guy still had the most indefatigable spirit and drive of any person I’ve ever known.”

Kid: That’s what drove everyone crazy!

Ryan: This book took you 15 years to finish. Completing it has to feel cathartic.

Kid: I don’t know. Maybe it will when I see the printed book. When I was living in New York there was no time for reflection. I started it after I left New York, but it was at such a slow pace. It was done piecemeal. I wanted to give up at times. I had a lot of self-doubt. And like I said, I’d just go on tour for a year and take a long break. The pandemic made me finally put it to bed. I couldn’t jump up and go away on tour anymore. It feels great to have it done. When I read it through after the final edit I was actually shocked. I was moved by it. It was a feeling of accomplishment. It’s a different feeling than what you get with music. Looking at it as one story has been an eye-opener for me. I thought to myself, “How did I do all of that?”

I see the book as the story of a music fan. I think most musicians start out as fans. Why would you do it otherwise? I never stopped being a fan. All of the opportunities that came my way were because I was a fan.

#kidcongopowers #interviews #gunclub #jeffreyleepierce #cramps #Badseeds

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onestowatch · 3 years

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The Top 21 Artists to Watch in 2021

In a world where the only universal certainty seems to be opening every email with “hope you’re doing well,” the only other surefire guarantee is that there will continue to be new music worth discovering. And, we figured with the start of a new year, what better way to say to spend the waking hours of 2021 than introduce you to a few of the artists we currently have a close eye on. Often genreless and belonging to Gen Z, these are the 21 artists we are watching in 2021.

spill tab

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Where to Start: “Calvaire”

In her breakout single “Calvaire,” spill tab sings in French over an intoxicating backbeat. The effect is akin to a spell, ushering into existence something inherently danceable and transfixing, like an Angèle B-side finding new life as a Billie Eilish cut. It is a standout moment that would be followed by similar standout moments in the form of a series of varied singles, culminating in spill tab’s debut EP, Oatmilk. Short and sweet, the four-song collection holds all the promise of a 2021 artist to watch.

Joesef

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Where to Start: “The Sun Is Up Forever”

Emerging from the fog of Glasgow, Scotland, Joesef’s marriage of heartbreak, desire, regret, hope, and sublime joy is nothing short of intoxicating. Immediately making an impression with his tender, heartfelt croon, the Glasgow artist’s songs soon give way to emotionally rife personal recollections–some beautiful in their understated minimalism, some breathtaking in their expansive scope. Whatever the setting, the result is always the same–a passionate, shared moment you will not be forgetting anytime soon.

brakence

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Where to Start: “dropout”

Self-described as “self-care punk,” brakence effortlessly pairs the unmatched energy of punk with an impressive showing of vulnerability. While the past few years saw the Ohio native experiment over a range of singles and on his debut album, 2020 was without a doubt the year he found his sound in the noteworthy punk2. Blending Midwest emo, trap production, hip-hop, and alternative, brakence’s sophomore effort is a masterclass in infectious emotional catharsis.

Mustafa

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Where to Start: “Stay Alive”

Few artists embody the sentiment of music as poetry as emphatically as Mustafa. First leaving a mark with 2020’s “Stay Alive,” Mustafa introduced himself to the world with a breathtaking, earth-shattering ballad rife with impassioned emotional imagery. Soft-spoken but never lacking for impact, the poet, activist, filmmaker, and songwriter brings to life the lived realities of Toronto’s Regent Park, a public housing project that shaped Mustafa into the once in a lifetime artist he is today.

Holly Humberstone

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Where to Start: “Falling Asleep At The Wheel”

In her 2020 debut EP, Falling Asleep at the Wheel, Holly Humberstone proves herself a master at crafting a palpable atmosphere. Rife with emotional highs and cathartic lows, all backed by Humberstone’s magnetic and graceful songwriting, the British artist lays her heart on her sleeve and in turn lays the groundwork for a debut offering poised to stand the test of time. It is no mere hyperbole to say that Humberstone is an artist to watch out for not only in 2021 but in the years to come.

AG Club

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Where to Start: “Memphis”

The initial comparison of AG Club to collectives like BROCKHAMPTON and A$AP may be an easy one to draw, but a single listen tells another story. While the genreless Bay Area collective may radiate the same rapturous energy of the aforementioned groups, AG Club is clearly riding high on their own wavelength. Aiming to make hip-hop but not as you know it, the idiosyncratic collective made their vision clear with the release of 2020’s Halfway Off the Porch, an electrifying amalgamation of disparate genres, sights, sounds, and moods.

347aidan

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Where to Start: “Dancing in My Room”

Euphoric, difficult to perfectly define, and haphazardly brilliant, aidan347 embodies the adventurousness and inventiveness of Gen Z. The project of 17-year-old Aidan Fuller, the Cambridge, Ontario native has spent the past five years making music. Yet at the beginning of 2020, the Cambridge artist had less than three thousand monthly listeners; now, that number sits well above five million. A testament to 347aidan’s tenacity, his devoted fanbase, and the power of a TikTok-fueled viral hit–arriving in the form of “Dancing in My Room”–it really feels we are only witnessing the prologue of what’s to come.

Frances Forever

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Where to Start: “Space Girl”

When thinking of music’s future stars, what better place to look than to the galactic, lovelorn musings of Frances Forever. Making less of a splash and more of a tidal wave with the release of “Space Girl” late last year, the Boston bedroom artist’s ode to intergalactic love has been rapidly climbing the TikTok and indie charts. Now signed to Mom+Pop records, Frances Forever is more than ready to shoot for the stars and beyond in 2021.

Hope Tala

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Where to Start: “Lovestained”

Hope Tala is impossible to ignore. A West Londoner to her core, the UK singer-songwriter finds inspiration in everything from ‘90s movies, classic literature, to the constantly changing world around her. Transforming what feels like a lifetime, and some, of inspiration into an undeniably spellbinding fusion of R&B and bossa nova, Hope Tala’s musings of daydreams, heartache, and fear are the sort ready to define a generation’s ails, joys, and mundane triumphs and anxieties. Universal in scope yet deeply personal, Hope Tala is without doubt an artist to keep your eye on in 2021.

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Where to Start: “Take Me Your Heart Is”

Q, much like his name, is an anomaly. Releasing one album a year since 2018, the ineffable soul and R&B artist has somehow coasted under the radar in spite of releasing some of the most breathtaking music out there. And with the release of 2020’s The Shave Experiment, Q feels like he’s finally stepping into the much-deserved limelight. Leading with the striking “Take Me Your Heart Is,” Q brought to life a nostalgic, hyper-emotive track sure to stop you in your tracks. Hopefully, it’s one of many to come.

Claire Rosinkranz

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Where to Start: “Backyard Boy”

16-year-old Claire Rosinkranz has been making music for the better part of her life, and 2020 was the year that scribbling down lyrics and helping her father compose music for TV shows and ad jingles paid off in a major way. The California native’s single, “Backyard Boy,” taken from her debut EP, BeVerly Hills BoYfRiEnd, soon became a TikTok hit, racking up over 80 million streams to date, on Spotify alone. If there are two things to look out for in 2021, make sure it’s your mental wellbeing and Claire’s euphoric self-dubbed “alternative-blues-pop.”

KennyHoopla

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Where to Start: “how will i rest in peace if i'm buried by a highway?//”

KennyHoopla is nothing if not electrifying. The alternative, punk, and ‘80s new wave-evoking artist moves through each track with a sense of world-ending hunger, jumping from one ensuing mosh pit to the next. It is a balancing act of new wave nostalgia and genuine inventive alternative that results in a maelstrom of palpable excitement. To best experience this cathartic form of self-expression firsthand, look no further than his debut EP, last year’s how will i rest in peace if i'm buried by a highway?//. No one is quite making music like KennyHoopla, in 2021 or beyond.

MICHELLE

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Where to Start: “THE BOTTOM”

New York collective MICHELLE deftly imbues the sincerity of soul and R&B into a uniquely tender pop outlook, and the result is nothing short of infectious. The project of six predominantly queer POC individuals, the group originally earned widespread critical acclaim for their 2018 album HEATWAVE, but it was arguably their subsequent signing with Atlantic Records last year that has them set to be one of 2021’s most promising acts. Quickly making the most of their newfound major label status, MICHELLE released “Sunrise,” the sonic equivalent of the first rays of light breaking through the clouds, signaling the end of a rainy day. It’s safe to say the future is looking bright for MICHELLE.

glaive

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Where to Start: “eyesore”

Few artists define and defy the label of hyperpop as readily as glaive. Falling somewhere between 100 gecs and the second coming of mid-2000s pop punk, the newly-signed Interscope artist released his major debut label EP, cypress grove, earlier this year. Yet before finding a home at Interscope, glaive’s official discography only stretched back as far as 2020. Making the most of a year we all would rather soon forget, the 15-year-old wunderkind showcased to the world a continual musical evolution that is looking to only further pick up steam in the coming year.

Claud

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Where to Start: “Wish You Were Gay”

From opening for Clairo to releasing a steady stream of resonant singles, Claud has spent the last couple of years making a name for themselves in the indie music world, but 2020 saw arguably their biggest breakthrough moment yet. With the release of “Gold,” Claud became the first artist signed to Phoebe Bridgers’ Saddest Factory Records. Arriving as the first taste of their upcoming debut album, Super Monster, 2021 is looking absolutely golden for Claud. And not to mention the fact they recently started a band with Clairo and friends.

María Isabel

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Where to Start: “The 1”

Where has María Isabel been all our lives? First making herself known with the release of “The 1,” an ode to long-distance relationships, which soon became more prophetic than we ever could have imagined, the debut single served as lovely an introduction as they come. Thankfully, we would not have to wait too long to hear more dreamlike R&B from María, who graced us with her debut EP, Stuck in the Sky shortly thereafter. Uniquely heartfelt and velvety smooth, María’s voice is just the thing to carry you through 2021.

Remi Wolf

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Where to Start: “Photo ID”

The past couple of years have seen avant-garde pop wunderkind Remi Wolf test the waters with one out of this world single after another, and 2020 felt like the year everything finally fell into place. Arriving on the Bay Area native’s sophomore album, I’m Allergic To Dogs!, “Photo ID,” and its unafraid, in your face anti pop mentality cemented itself as a surefire hit, and TikTok soon took notice. Serving as a testament to Remi Wolf’s mainstream appeal in spite of her outsider approach, “Photo ID” merely set the stage for what is to come.

PawPaw Rod

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Where to Start: “HIT EM WHERE IT HURTS”

PawPaw Rod may be the only artist on this list with only one single to their name, but in no way does that disqualify him from being an artist to watch in 2021. Releasing his debut single, “HIT EM WHERE IT HURTS,” out into the ether, the Los Angeles artist immediately landed on something special. Blending elements of hip-hop, funk, and alternative under a mellow, syrupy flow, PawPaw Rod wasted no time in setting himself apart from the pack. And with godmode–the same development company that brought us Yaeji, Channel Tres, LoveLeo, and more–it is safe to say that this is only the beginning.

Evann Mcintosh

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Where to Start: “WIYULD”

In her dreamlike take on alternative R&B, Evann Mcintosh attempts to capture the turbulent act of coming-of-age. At times delicate to the touch and at times emanating a self-assured confidence well beyond her 16 years of age, Evann Mcintosh’s 2019 debut album, MOJO, laid the groundwork for an act whose promise knows no bounds. It was a promise she made good on during the tail end of 2020, with the release of singles “WIYULD” and “BULL$HIT.” Showing off two different sides of her continued musical growth, 2021 has us all the more excited for what Evann has in store.

Serena Isioma

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Where to Start: “Sensitive”

In her breakout single, “Sensitive,” Serena Isioma fuses modern-day R&B and woozy indie pop with reckless abandon. The outcome is a song that not only sounds quite unlike anything else out there, but one whose own vibe seems to shift and evolve from one moment to the next. It is an electrifying opening moment that begins to define the Isioma’s artistry and her debut EP, Sensitive. The first of two EPs the Chicago-based artist would release in 2020, it is hard not to feel like Isioma is already in the process of creating a one-of-a-kind discography.

Blu DeTiger

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Where to Start: “Figure It Out”

Whether you know her as the touring bassist for acts like FLETCHER and Caroline Polachek or as the TikTok famous bassist, the fact of the matter is that Blu DeTiger is an artist you need to know. A bassist since age seven and crowned the “coolest DJ around” by Vogue, the New York native’s music skirts the realms of funk, indie, and dance. Unmistakable, nonchalantly cool, and unsurprisingly bass-heavy, you deserve doing yourself the favor of diving headfirst into Blu DeTiger’s music. Just be sure to come up for air, when you’re ready.

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