#I actually slept 5 hours pray for me today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eris-snow · 10 months

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𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐲𝐞.

Tags: Deku's birthday series 2023, izuku x fem!reader, angst

“There are so many things I wish I could tell you. I want to be done with all the white lies and ambiguous phrasings. So here, I’ll say it, my last secret to you: I love you, Zuku. Please remember me. Please.”

“Get up, you lazy ass!” Katsuki barks from the doorway, barging into his room fully dressed.

Startled awake, Izuku almost tumbles out of bed with a squeak. “Ka-Kacchan!”

“Deku!” He mimics, not looking the slightest bit fazed. In fact, he looks angrier than usual. “If I don’t see you dressed in 5 god damn minutes, I’ll make sure to punch you so fucking hard it’ll make One For All look like a love tap.”

“If I don’t see you out of my room in t minus 5 seconds, I’ll use said love tap to get you out!” Izuku refutes, rubbing his eyes groggily. “What is up with you? It’s only 10 am—”

“Shortie and I stood outside your shitty apartment for half an hour until Auntie came home from the grocery store. You slept right through 30 minutes of endless knocking and doorbell rings.”

Katsuki’s face was the definition of terrifying and pissed, and it didn’t help when his hands started steaming. “Be glad that Shortie was there, if not there would be scorch markings on your door—”

“I’m so sorry, Kaccha—Starlight’s here?!” Izuku yelps, this time actually tumbling out of bed as he scrambles for his drawers. “I thought we gave you a spare key, Kacchan! I—why is Starlight—”

“You changed your fucking locks without telling me after the war, shit nerd! I ain’t have your new keys, so I was half contemplating blowing your door off its hinges—”

“Cut me some slack, Kacchan!” He rushes out, rifling through his closet for suitable clothes. “It’s my birthday.”

“I don’t cut any slack, Izuku.” Katsuki spits, throwing the nerd’s towel in his face. “That’s Shortie’s job.”

“Mean,” Izuku pouts.

Katsuki simply smirks back. “Happy Birthday, Izuku.”

“Happy birthday, Zuku!” You greet him, giggling when you saw the towel wrapped around his neck. “What time did you wake up?”

“About 10 minutes ago,” He admits, stealing a glance at the blond. Katsuki’s eyes were scanning his phone screen, a lazy, smug smirk plastered on his face.

“What do you want to do today? We get free rein until dinner time, because your mom wants us back so we can cut the cake.”

A smile plays on Izuku’s lips, and he almost tears right then and there. He was so fortunate to have friends like Starlight and Katsuki. He’d completely lucked out.

“Well…”

It was just like the old times. You, Katsuki and Izuku had always been a pack since you were little, and you force yourself to focus on whatever was happening now instead of what would happen after.

Even with the sun beating down you your neck, you survived with the sun hat you’d brought along with you. As you put it on, Izuku comments on it as he digs into his ice cream.

“That’s a nice hat there Starlight! Where’d you get it from?”

“Quite a while back,” You reply, tilting it upward so you can meet his eyes. “The person really knew what I liked.”

Izuku couldn’t name a day more perfect. Sure, it wasn’t anything fancy, definitely not as amazing as his meeting with All Might or the day he’d gained his Quirk, but it seemed like the world had decided to give him a peaceful day where nothing went wrong. By the time the three of them had gotten back for dinner, he’s grinning so widely he didn’t know it was possible.

He blows out the candles with a wish and a note in his pocket, praying for his friends, his family, you and Kacchan’s safety because he can’t stand it if you get hurt. He prays you’ll always be here, and that he’d be the number 1 hero (It’s been his dream his whole life, after all.) It’s only when everyone had started digging into the cake, did he realise you were missing.

“Where’s Starlight?” He frowns, checking the balcony. No, you’re not there either.

“She said something about taking a breather,” Katsuki said, poking his slice of cake with a fork. “When I asked her where, she just said, ‘It’s a secret’ and left.” He points his fork at Izuku. “Eat your cake.”

Blood rushes to his head, and for some reason, he’s getting dizzy just thinking about you.

Strange.

“I think I know where she is. I’ll bring her back. The sky’s dark already, Starlight shouldn’t have to walk back by herself.”

Katsuki eyes him suspiciously for a moment, something flickering in his eyes before they drop down to the slice of chocolate cake. “I’ll tell Auntie for you. Go do what you need to do, nerd.”

Izuku smiles at his best friend and thanks him, wearing his dumb bright red shoes and leaving in a hurry.

Katsuki stares at the cake, an icing drawing of himself and you on the cake next to Izuku’s face. He smudges the icing drawing of your face, standing up with a sigh.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Starlight.”

“Hey.”

You whirl around, shoving the lamp in the direction of the voice. Izuku’s shadowed face smiles back gently, making you relax slightly. “Hey.”

The clearing looked different at night. A swarm of fireflies danced around the meadow without a care in the world, making the lake almost sparkle as pretty yellow dots dance around the beautiful glade.

“Kacchan said you stepped out. I got worried.”

You laugh, shaking your head as your fingers creep into the note in his pocket. “Sorry. Needed a breather.”

“No, no! Don’t apologise!” Izuku sits down on the grass next to you, face warm in the glow of the light. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

That phrase causes your smile to wobble.

“Right!” You dig through your pockets, not allowing even a moment of awkwardness. “Now that you’re here…”

Three small, wrapped present emerges from your pocket. Overpowering emotions are surging behind a fortress you’d encased them in.

You made a promise. You’re not going to cry.

Izuku’s mouth falls open into a small “O” as he takes it tenderly in his hands. He cradles it gently, with scarred hands you’ve come to know.

“What is it?” He asks dumbly.

You chuckle, gesturing. “Just open it, silly. I want to see your reaction.”

He rips open the first one and finds a shimmering silver watch, staring back at him in a shiny transparent box. He sputters indignantly. “Th-This must have cost a fortune! How did you-”

“I may or may not have saved up for it by using my internship money.” You scratched your head, blushing slightly. “It was a little pricy, sure but—”

“How did you know I wanted this brand?” He asks, shaking a little as he pries the lid off and holds it like it’s worth an entire building. “I-I never got it because—”

“You’re afraid it gets damaged during a fight,” You finish. “I know you don’t like accessories, so I asked Hatsume to reinforce the entire thing. I paid her for the modifications as well. Plus, you’ll need something to wear for formal occasions. They never have clocks in ballrooms.”

“You’re going to make me cry,” Izuku warns, looking at you with glassy eyes.

“You have two more gifts left, Zuku. Don’t cry now.”

Izuku takes that as a cue to shred open the next present. Your gifts may be small, but you sure know how to make them impactful because he absolutely loses it when he sees the next gift.”

“Prototype pins for his merchandise from his U.A days,” Izuku whispers, fingers quivering as he counts the pins. “Fi-Five? You got all five of them? I-I’ve never seen it before, how did you—”

“I pulled a few strings,” You say, gently. “It’s yours now.”

With tears bubbling over, he tears open the last gift. At first, it confuses him, and he has to will himself to put the waterworks on hold so he can actually see the gift properly. “Is this…” He cranes his head around, squinting. “Is this a photo of this place?”

“Yeah, I manage to paint this really good painting—”

“You painted this?” He interrupts, full-on sobbing now. “Why would you do this much? I don’t understand, I—”

“It’s a photo of this painting.” You correct. “So you can slot it in your wallet or use it as a bookmark or something. It’s your birthday, Zuku. Of course it’s important to me.”

Izuku tucks all of these precious gifts into his pocket and turns to wrap his arms around you in a tight hug. “Thank you so much, Starlight.”

You’re startled at first, but slowly, you adjust yourself and hug him back. “You’re welcome, Zuku.”

Fireflies dance around you for a little longer until Izuku finally pulls away, wiping the tears out of his eyes. “I, uh, I wanted to pass you something, actually.” He unfolds a note and hands it to you, a practice you’re so familiar with seeing that you instantly know what this is about. “I didn’t get the right time to pass it to you.”

The note is pure white, and you take a deep inhale and read the words to yourself.

I’m so glad I met you. Today was a blast. Thank you for today.

Somehow, those three sentences are what push you off the edge. One tear slips past your barriers, and soon another flows after as more tears join the first.

Dread and a feeling of longing engulf you a whole as you break down into quiet sobs, clenching the pocket that held your note, your last Secret to him, so tightly your knuckles hurt. You were almost contemplating not giving it to him.

“It’s not fair…” You mumble, body convulsing as you try to clear your tears.

“I promised not to cry.”

Izuku panics almost comically, leaning over you and trying to find a way to stop you from bawling. “Hey, don’t cry! I-I didn’t mean to make you sad, I swear, I just—”

“I told myself that I wouldn’t this year. I never follow through on it.”

Izuku frowns. “What are you talking about—”

“Can I get another hug? Please?”

Izuku relents cautiously, and you wish you could explain it to him but you can’t as time slips away fast. You bury your head into his shoulder, trying to memorise everything. The way you fit into his arms, the way he smells, the way his voice is quiet and so gentle and raw when he’s with you.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Izuku asks, patting your head gently.

“Everything.” You mutter, pulling back a little to sit beside him with your back against the tree.

Your tears keep falling, a waterfall of emotions suffocating you as you struggle to get that one word out.

“Stay with me, Izuku.” Your voice comes out broken, as you lean against his shoulder. “Don’t go.”

He’s so much taller now, compared to when you were kids.

He’s stronger too, and he’s not even quirkless.

All things considered, he doesn’t need you anymore.

But you still need him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Izuku soothes. “I’ll be here tomorrow, too you know.”

That only makes you sob harder.

Memories filter in and out of your head as you finger his note, reminiscing on how the past month has gone.

“You will?” You ask, so small and scared because you know he will, but he won’t and it tears you apart inside. “You’d be here so we can continue to tell each other to sleep earlier, even though we’d go ahead and sleep late anyway?” you swallow thickly, throat running dry. “We’d-we’d have so many more Sunday breakfasts that you’d only eat katsudon no matter how hard I’d try. I’d tell you how much I admire your eyes because they’re just so bright despite everything that happened because you’re Izuku, and I’d tell you how I got your nickname because then, I wouldn’t have to lie to you.”

The words are pushing out of your mouth faster than you can process them, and Izuku just listens to them wordlessly, letting you ramble.

“We’d help each other with our nightmares like we always do, 'cause despite the fact that we have therapists I know that going to you is so much better. We can have more Movie Nights until Shoto is finally caught up with his childhood shows, and come here more often for more picnics. When we get into villain attacks, I’d know you’ll always have my back just like you have mine. We’d figure out our shit together by talking on the rooftop, and I’d tell you how I found this clearing as we light up 17 candles on your birthday cake next year…”

You trail off, fingers wrung together tightly. Tears fall as your voice loses all stability. “I’d have more birthdays with you, and I’d actually be celebrating it with you without having to push my thoughts back down. I’d be happy, and I’d be there for you…” You break off into a whisper.

“…And you’d remember me.”

Izuku’s frown creases deeper. He hates seeing you upset. His head is throbbing, spinning as he tries to focus on you. “I won’t forget you.” He promises. What else can he do?

“I wrote you a note.” You finish, completely ignoring him as you shove the note into his hands with your face hidden. “I wrote you a Secret, too.”

Izuku glances at you with curiosity and concern before his eyes drop down to the lime-green Post-it. He has no idea why you’re busting out all of these memories on him as someone had perished, but all he knew was that you—

I love you.

Izuku drops the paper in his lap and whirls to you with shock, eyes blinking rapidly as he stares back at you.

“What—”

“I do, I will, I—” Izuku sputters, face turning red. His head is pounding now, and he struggles to stand when you do. “I don’t understand! Where’s this coming from? What’s with all these lasts and—”

“Shouldn’t we discuss this tomorrow?” You divert, finally wiping your tears away. You square your shoulders and manage a watery smile, before you turn heel and make your way to the path back home. “I’ll explain it all tomorrow. It’s getting late, and I should get home before my parents get worried.” You pause and turn back. Izuku is nodding slowly now, hand outstretched like he wants to catch your wrist, but he doesn’t.

“We can do that. We-we can do that. Just—promise me that you’ll explain everything. I don’t want to be kept in the dark anymore. I need answers. Starlight, please?”

You don’t want to lie, you don’t want to lie, so you just maintain your smile as you whisper, “Whenever you're ready.”

Izuku takes it as a promise, and relaxes with a wobbly smile of his own. “Okay. Goodnight, Starlight.”

You smile, even though it’s painful, and take in a deep breath even though it feels as if you’re inhaling shattered glass. Finally, you work up the courage to say those words, even though it felt like the world was ending in just an hour now.

“Goodbye, Zuku.”

Izuku arrives back at the dorms to be greeted by a new face. His smile lights up his entire face when he bows and greets. “Hi! You must be the new transfer Kacchan told me about. I’m Izuku Midoriya, nice to meet you!”

The girl smiles back at him with a warm smile, holding the door wider. Her eyes sparkle like the stars above, and she sticks her own hand out as a greeting.

“My name is Y/n L/n. I can’t wait to spend the rest of the year with you.”

#mha #mha fanfiction #deku x reader #izuku x y/n #izuku x reader #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #bnha midoriya #midoriya x y/n #Deku's birthday series 2023

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r-ene · 4 months

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day 8/366

today marks the first day of me getting myself together - took the first 7 days to rest and to plan out some things i want and need to do for the month

currently im making research proposals in advance since i will be pushing to do my clinical research starting this sem despite having to do it alone (or ill get more delayed in graduation). actually, im not so sure if my academic grant is and will be approved, im just praying and hoping it does so i can finally take my last 2 semesters for college, haha

during the first week, i started playing solitaire and doing sudoku and i was able to play volleyball !! not my best performance, but i spent most of the 4 hours as a libero and it kind of took out the energy in me (serving the ball is the source of adrenaline but was only able to do it thrice the whole time)

for tonight:

prayer and worship day 1/7

day 1/7 fasting from netflix, disney+ and sleep (i failed w sleep i slept after lunch)

research proposals - so far i have 3 topics listed down (2 of which are the same w different populations) and i plan to have 5 topics to present

continue studying airway management from persings' book

context for fasting sleep: i sleep a lot HAHAHA i need the extra sleep for internship but i sleep 2-3am and wake up 11-1pm so... i think backing up on sleep time is the thing i want to do

please recommend study vloggers to help me get back my focus and push !!

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lookingforsunflowersinmylife · 2 years

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Holiday fun

I was very nervous about coming on holiday with ME and Fibro and as it turns out I was right. I’m heading right into an ME crash and a Fibro flare. I’m just praying that they don’t hit till we get home.

Yesterday they went and did something, just the male folks and I slept for four hours. Did I feel better for it? Did I fuck!!

Today I skipped swimming and I still feel like utter crap. Pain is off the scale, tooth hurts horrendously (not Fibro or ME just an added bonus) so I can’t eat properly, I’m fucking exhausted, I can’t get a heat in me, I’m craving carbs, flu like symptoms and I just can’t think straight. Just to name a few. Ahh my life. What fun.

My best friend is on holiday with us and I don’t think he realised how bad my conditions had gotten since the last time we were away. I’m trying so hard to hide the symptoms from him but he can see how the boys and hubby are acting around me and fussing over what I have and what I need. I have needed so many painkillers today. Much more than I usually use. And cold and flu tablets to try and ease my ME symptoms.

I try not to look back and think of what life was like before I got sick 5 years ago but I can’t help it. And when I do I get depressed and angry and sad all at the same time. Things were so much easier. Of course they were, I wasn’t sick, but what I’m trying to say is much more than that. I guess you never know what you have until it’s gone. What I wouldn’t give to be able to walk or cycle around these roads again. Or swim properly in the pool and go down the flumes with the kids. I have to stop there or I might actually cry. It all gets to be too much sometimes.

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your-mom-friend · 2 years

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Hello Tumblr

A special good morning to my mutuals

Let me tell you about my day

I woke up at 4am. This is normal because my older sister and I are in charge of making Suhoor (the meal before fasting begins) for our family. After Fajr prayer, I slept. This was 5am.

I woke up after that at 9:30. I checked to see if I had a class, but I didn't. So I got to studying chemistry (my final is coming up) and also scrolling tumblr.

It was like that till like 5pm, then I had to get ready to leave because we were supposed to have Iftar at my aunt's house. We got home around 1am.

Now, we were all tired. Bone tired. My aunt and her kids are...a lot. My mother actually fell asleep before even changing out of her clothes. My sisters and I knew that one of us would need to be awake to wake the rest of us or we'd all miss Suhoor. My youngest sister volunteered. She was the first to fall asleep. In between, I had a random bout of insomnia and couldn't sleep for the life of me. So I was awake.

I made Suhoor, I woke up my family, and we all had our food and prayed. I should've gone to bed.

The thing is, I had some exams recently. And today is the day when our teachers discuss the answer keys to those papers. Something I cannot afford to miss. And when are the classes? I have 5 classes between 9 am and 2 pm.

Now, if I sleep, then based on my own exhaustedness and my family's reactions, I won't wake up till 3 pm at the latest.

So I can't sleep. I also can't drink coffee. or water. or eat. Because I'm still parading in this mask of being a Muslim and I cannot risk someone hearing me make anything.

It is currently 5:37 am and I can't sleep for another 9 hours at least (I also have a Quran class) and I am suffering.

But also it made me chuckle that on the off chance one of my teachers questions why I look like a corpse I can be like

"Well, ma'am, I woke up at 9am"

"Okay...? and?"

"9 am yesterday :D"

my teacher and the other 50 students in the meeting: 👁👄👁

#rem rambles #i am so tired #kill me #but I must preservere

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writing-essence · 3 years

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Fear (Part 6) - Jonathan Crane

Pairing: Jonathan Crane x (female) reader

Warnings: Language, Alcohol, Needles, Mention of Paranoia + Insomnia, Mention of sex

Summary: Jonathan meets reader’s roommate + boyfriend.

Author’s Note: Apparently I’m on a role tonight - Kelsie

Word Count: 1,913

Your talk with Jonathan eased your nerves quite a bit. You ended up sleeping that night and unfortunately through all of your Wednesday classes the next day.

“What the hell,” Chris said from the doorway of your bedroom.

You rolled over sleepily in bed, still waking up.

“What?”

“Don’t you have econ today?” She said, one hand on her hip and the other holding her bright pink flip phone up to her ear. You could hear laughing coming from it.

“Mind your own business,” You groaned, throwing a pillow at her which she easily dodged, “and tell your boyfriend to fuck off,”

“She says to fuck off,” She giggled into her phone before spinning around and leaving.

“Close my door,” You yelled, but she ignored you. You slowly got up and finally realized how long you had actually slept.

“Fuck,” You mumbled under your breath. You were already behind in econ, and this definitely won’t help.

You stumbled into the living room where Chris laid on the couch, still on the phone while the TV played FRIENDS loudly. Grabbing the remote, you turned it down, quickly earning a glare from your roommate.

After grabbing a cup of now cold coffee from the kitchen, you sat down at the bulky computer in your living room to check if your econ professor emailed you about missing class. You were surprised to see an email from Jonathan.

“Y/N, I finished the serum. I can give it to you during Thursday’s class or I can drop it off tonight if you really need it -Dr. Crane,”

You didn’t feel like you needed it as much as before now that you caught up on your sleep, but you couldn’t pass up seeing your teacher crush today. You quickly crafted a response telling him that you’ll be home all night and he could swing it by when he was able to. You ended it with your address before sending it.

“Rex is coming over later,” Chris called from the couch, flipping her phone shut loudly, “Look presentable,”

You groaned loudly and sunk down in the creaky desk chair dramatically, “I’m not getting ready for your douchebag of a boyfriend,”

“Can you at least try to get along with him,” She said, turning the TV back up, “It would mean a lot to me,”

You rolled your eyes and got up from the desk quickly.

“I’m going to get ready,” You said, passing her to get back into your room, “But it’s not for him,”

Several hours later you were stuck in an UNO game with Chris and her boyfriend. You didn’t want to hurt Chris’ feelings by never hanging out with them, but when they were together they shared a single brain cell.

“When do you say UNO?” Rex asked, examining the large amount of cards in his hands.

“When you have one left,” You mumbled, anxiously looking back at the clock in the kitchen behind you. Jonathan said he would be dropping the serum off soon, and you didn’t want him meeting Rex.

“Draw four,” Chris said confidently, placing down a +2 card.

“Can you not read?” You asked, pointing at the card in front of her.

She slapped her face quickly. A deep blush was set in her cheeks and she had been sipping on wine all night so you knew that she was a bit tipsy, but their shared stupidity was getting on your nerves.

A loud knock came from the front door behind you and you jumped quickly out of your seat to get it.

“Is that the pizza?” Rex asked, leaning over the table obnoxiously to see.

“We didn’t order pizza, we just talked about it,” Chris laughed, pouring herself another glass of wine.

You swung the door open quickly and were face to face with the professor once again. You prayed he couldn’t see the mess happening at the dining table from the door as you awkwardly attempted to take up the frame so he couldn’t see past.

“Hey,” You said breathlessly, attempting to be casual.

“Hi..” He awkwardly held out a paper bag, “The serum is in there, you should only need one dose,”

“Thanks,” You mumbled, opening it and looking inside.

“I wasn’t able to test it on anyone,” He said, watching you cautiously, “Try to keep me updated on how it’s affecting you when you take it,”

“Is it safe?”

Before he could answer, Rex interrupted from the dining table.

“Hey, do I know you man?” He yelled obnoxiously as he leaned over the entire dining table to see the front door.

Jonathan looked past you quizzically at the scene happening inside before back down at you, confused.

“Ignore him, please,” You begged, attempting to push him out of Rex’s vision.

“Hold on,” Rex said, jumping out of his seat, “You were my Psych professor last year at GSU,”

“Ah,” Jonathan nodded quickly, ignoring your attempts to push him away from the door, “Rex, right?”

“Yea man,” Rex said, coming over to where the two of you were standing, “What are you doing here?”

“Y/N is dating him,” Chris giggled from the dining table before she quickly downed another glass of wine.

A deep blush was shared between both you and Jonathan and you quickly tried to regain control over the situation.

“He was just dropping something off,” You said quickly, “In fact, he was just leaving,”

“No man,” Rex said, grabbing Jonathans upper arm and quickly pulling him inside of your apartment, “Stay and play UNO with us,”

Jonathan looked over at you with a nervous look on his face and you shook your head quickly.

“Oh my gosh yes,” Chris slurred from the table, “We were just about to order pizza,”

“Hell yea,” Rex cheered, giving Jonathan a rough slap on his back before joining Chris back at the table.

“I’m so sorry,” You quickly reached over and readjusted Jonathans suit jacket that had gotten messed up from Rex, “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to, they’re just obnoxious,”

“It’s okay,” He blushed as you reached up and brushed his hair out of his face, “I have some time,”

“Yay,” Chris cheered loudly, “Do you drink wine?”

To say you were embarrassed as an understatement. You felt horrible having Jonathan now stuck in an UNO game with tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber.

“Do you have any…” Chris narrowed her eyes at her cards as she swayed in place, “7s?”

Rex handed over a few cards, confused, “Hey, how come you get to take cards now?”

“That’s ‘Go Fish’,” You mumbled, rubbing your head which was now starting to hurt, “You don’t ask for cards in UNO, you draw them,”

Chris started giggling hysterically, “I think I drank too much,”

“You think?” You mumbled, shooting an apologetic glance over at Jonathan who just smiled back softly.

“When do you say UNO again?” Rex asked for the second time that night.

“Alright,” You slammed your cards down on the table, defeated, “I’m not playing anymore, you guys are too dumb for UNO,”

Chris continued giggling in her seat as Rex shot you an offended look.

“I’m not dumb,” He said, watching as you stood up and ushered for Jonathan to do the same, “I dropped out of school on purpose,”

“You failed 5 classes,” Chris giggled from beside him.

“We’re leaving,” You groaned, leading Jonathan back to the front door.

“I’m so sorry,” You said, quickly pulling him into the hallway outside of your apartment. The dim light above you buzzed loudly.

“It’s okay,” He smiled at you again, “I enjoy spending time with you,”

You raised your eyebrows, impressed, “Are you flirting with me Professor?”

He rolled his eyes and turned away from you awkwardly as another blush spread across his face.

“Honestly I thought you wouldn't want to have anything to do with me after I said I wouldn't help with your fear toxin,” You mumbled.

“I told you, that was mostly just an excuse to get you to go out with me,” He said, still avoiding eye contact.

“We should go on an actual date,” You suggested eagerly, stepping closer towards him, “Like out to get drinks without Rex or Chris annoying us,”

“And no drugs,” He joked, finally looking back at you.

“Okay well now it just sounds lame,”

He laughed softly and you felt your heart soar. You had never heard him laugh before. You stood shocked for a moment as he fumbled to get his phone open.

“I’m not doing anything tomorrow after class,” He said, still looking at his phone, “If you’re free then,”

“I am,” You said, still watching him closely. You wanted to kiss him at that moment, but before you got the chance he shoved his phone back in his pocket and awkwardly stepped back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow in class then?” He said, offering an awkward smile.

“Okay,” You said softly, waiting for him to at least give you a hug goodbye.

“Keep me updated with the serum,” He reminded you before turning around and quickly leaving toward the elevator.

You stood silently in front of your apartment door for a moment before going back inside, disappointed.

“Did you kiss?” Chris slurred jokingly from the dining table still.

“Did you have sex?” Rex added in, earning a weak slap on the arm from Chris.

“You guys are so fucking embarassing,” You said angirly walking back towards the table where they sat, “What the fuck is wrong with you? You can’t act normal for two seconds?”

“I think we’re fun,” Chris said, a pouty look setting into her face.

“It’s not fun,” You groaned, grabbing the paper bag with the serum before leaving towards your room, “I barely know this guy. The least you could’ve done was be sober,”

You slammed the door behind you and sunk to the ground, embarrassed about the previous events. Surely Jonathan wouldn’t ever want to come visit again. It was mortifying.

You tried to stop thinking about it and quickly pulled the serum from the paper bag to examine. It was a tiny needle with a small amount of liquid inside. Your stomach dropped as you realized you had to inject it yourself. Your night kept getting worse and worse.

You took the cap off of the needle and took a deep breath before injecting it quickly into your left arm. It was immediately painful, your whole arm warming up almost as if it was on fire. You stifled your groans by burying your face into your lap and quickly fell over into a fetal position on the floor. An instant dizziness set in and you started to wonder how the serum was actually supposed to work. There was no one time medication for paranoia or insomnia. Jonathan could’ve given you poison and you didn’t even question it. In fact, you injected it yourself. Why did you trust this man so much? You just told Chris you barely know this guy and suddenly you're injecting yourself with “serums” he perscribes?

The more you thought about it the more nervous you got. He barely told you anything about his past or where he was from. He kept it all obscure. The truth was, you didn’t know him at all. Before you could panic more, the serum overtook you with drowsiness and you passed out quickly on your bedroom floor, forgetting to set an alarm for your class the next day.

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harryhandstan · 3 years

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I am so excited to finally be posting this for y’all! Thank you so much for all the hype and support it is very much appreciated. :) this is my piece for @goldenbluesuit‘s Christmas Fic Challenge! my prompt was the song “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” from the movie Frozen and I hope you all enjoy how I’ve incorporated it into my Dad!Harry series. You don’t necessarily have to read the other parts to understand this one, but I’ll link them below in case you want to re-visit them.

I Want Your Belly ❄ Wonderful and Warm ❄ Washed Away in You

Thank you to @tbslenthusiast and @heartbreakweatherharry for reading over this for me and giving me such amazing feedback!

Word count: 2.3k

You still couldn’t believe the little wonder that had been created by you and Harry existed to be yours. Things hadn’t been perfect, far from it, but it was definitely a new and fun adventure you were both eager and terrified of.

The first challenge presented was finding a name perfect enough to fit your son. He was alive for 24 hours before you discovered one you and Harry were absolutely sure of. Even seeing it written on his birth certificate made your heart swell with pride.

It’s your mother who asks first, “Well, are you two gonna make a formal announcement to the press before us grandparents get to know the name of our grandson?”

“Think we’ve made them wait long enough, Harry.”

He smiles at you from across the hospital room where he sits in a chair, the baby resting peacefully on his chest. You’re propped up in the bed, wrapped in the soft pink robe given to you by him just a few days ago. Anne sits nearby, a proud grin on her face at the sight of her baby with his.

His eyes dart from the baby to you, “You wanna tell them or shall I?”

“You tell them. You’re the one that found it, been bragging about it all day too.”

“Alright then,” He gently lifts the baby, turning him to where the whole room can see him, your son’s face now scrunched up by the light from the window shining on him, “Ladies, meet your grandson, Sterling Edward Styles.”

“Oh, you didn’t,” Anne giggles, reaching over to pat your leg, “You’ll never hear the end of it, love, letting him name the baby after himself.”

“Hey! S’her idea to give him my middle name. I picked the first,” His features switch from temporarily offended back to beaming, “Wanna tell ‘em what it means, darlin’?”

“Sterling means ‘starling’, or as Harry likes to call him..”

“Our little star.”

5 weeks later, your son certainly lives up to his name, charming everyone he meets. Sweet smiles and coos at strangers from his carrier when you’re at the grocery store or falling asleep in Auntie Gemma’s arms when she comes to visit. You were not surprised he already had his father’s charismatic ability to make everyone fall for him so quickly.

With Harry’s schedule as busy as it had been, it hadn’t been easy to adjust to life together as new parents. As much as he had tried to push things back or reschedule to have more time off with you, there was only so much that he was in control of and he was away from you and Sterling more than he liked.

So it’s no surprise when he comes home one evening and the space you share is mostly already decorated for the winter holidays. He smiles warmly to himself when he hears you singing along to the movie playing from the tv, peeks around the corner to see Sterling tucked away in his swing, his eyes open and bright. Your back is turned so you don’t hear Harry approaching, continuing to sing aloud as you work.

“We only have each other, it’s just you and me, what are we gonna dooooooo?” You spin around, expecting to only see Sterling watching you, yelping when you find Harry, giggling at the shock on your face.

He bends to look out the window, “Could be wrong, but I think you have to have snow to build a snowman, yeah?”

“You’re early! I wanted to surprise you,” You weave your way around boxes to greet him, “Left the tree for the 3 of us to do together though.”

“S’nice of you.” His hands remain in his pockets as you move closer, tired eyes looking down at you, lazy smile as you work your arms around his waist. He doesn’t make you wait long, freeing his hands from his pockets to wrap around you.

He buries his face in your neck, “Missed you today.”

“We missed you too, H.”

He pulls back, turning to look down at Sterling, his arm still holding you close to his side, “He’s growing too fast. Can’t believe he’s already 5 weeks.”

“5 weeks and 3 days,” You remind him, “All the mommy blogs say we have an infant now.”

“S’that s’pose to mean? ‘Course he’s an infant.”

“Just means he’s growing out of his tiny baby stage.”

He directs his attention back to the movie playing, laughing as he teases you, “Least y’could’ve done is found a proper Christmas movie t’play while you put up decorations.”

You shrug, “It’s close enough to count. Plus he LOVES it. Think Elsa might be his favorite.”

He can’t resist anymore. As comfortable as his son may be swaying back and forth in his swing, he bends to scoop him up, one hand cradling behind his head and the other behind his back to easily support him. Sterling clearly doesn’t mind, a grin developing when he realizes who it is disturbing him.

“Don’t care what anyone says, bub. Y’ll always be daddy’s baby.”

You never doubted Harry’s capacity to love his son, but you definitely questioned his expertise and knowledge of the basics of caring for a child. He had become somewhat experienced now, tackling late night diaper changes and early morning feedings or anything else in between without complaint when he could.

Though he had done great, you were never too far away that you couldn’t offer assistance when he needed it. So when he gets a rare day off and suggests you let him stay home with the baby while you run errands, you’re hesitant.

“Do ya not trust me?”

“Of course I do. You know I do. I just don’t want you to get overwhelmed.”

“S’just for a few hours, right? You can write out a list of his schedule if it makes y’feel better.”

Sterling’s stretched across your lap, dozing off while you try to finish the last of your breakfast. Harry stands at the counter, drinking coffee out of a bright pink mug. You look between your almost sleeping son and then back up to Harry, chewing a bite of toast as you contemplate the idea.

He doesn’t take offense to your hesitation, quite the opposite actually. He adores the sight of you, Sterling’s face squished against your chest; one of his hands tucked under his chin, the other wrapped around your side, his little fist holding tight to your t-shirt. It’s the purest form of love in his eyes, to see the bond between mother and son grow and deepen with each day. Makes him reminiscent of his connection with his own mother, fills his heart with so much joy knowing he had chosen someone that would give his son the same sweet upbringing he had.

He makes his way back around the counter to you, a hand resting on the top of Sterling’s head as he bends down to kiss the top of yours. He moves his hand, repeating the act of affection to the top of the baby’s head.

“Really proud of you, y’know that right, baby? Been so amazing watching you take care of yourself and our little boy, never doubted for a second you were meant for this, but it’s been more incredible than I could’ve ever imagined.”

“Proud of you too, H. Know you’ve had a lot of guilt about being gone, but Sterling and I love you so much. He already lights up at the sound of your voice when you FaceTime us from set, and I see the way he grins at you before he falls asleep when you’re here to tuck him in at night.”

His eyes meet yours, sees the moment you make your decision to say yes, deep exhale of warm breath trapped between the two of you, “You have to promise to call if anything happens, if you need anything at all. Don’t care how small it is.” He nods firmly, further setting your mind at ease, “He should sleep most of the time I’m gone, but I’ll prepare another bottle just in case I can’t get back in time.”

You feel silly for feeling so protective, and you were thankful to have Harry as your partner on this journey. His patience and support had been more than generous, covering you and Sterling in more love and adoration than you’d ever known could exist from one person. He kisses you again, on your lips this time, a hand cupping one side of your face before gently lifting Sterling from your arms, shushing and bouncing him a bit when he starts to whimper from the sudden change in his comfortable position.

“S’okay, bubs. Daddy’s got you, g’nna have us a lil’ boys day while mumma’s gone.”

You rush through whatever tasks you had scheduled that seemed so important that morning. Suddenly the groceries you needed and last minute presents you were dropping off at the post office to mail to out of town family didn’t matter, nothing did but getting back home to your boys.

It’s quiet when you shut the door behind you, almost too quiet. As much as you always prayed he would, Sterling never slept through his morning nap, so you’re surprised at the possibility of him still sleeping peacefully. Not that he was old enough to make too much noise yet, but still the silence worries you enough that you don’t even take the time to put away the groceries. You set the bags on the kitchen counter, making your way through the house to the living room first.

All your concern fades at the sight of Harry on the couch, Sterling snuggled in his arms with his back pressed against Harry’s front, his little body covered in a red and white striped onesie with a reindeer on the front, matching pair of green socks on his tiny feet. It’s such a comforting image, you once again question why you had any doubt at the thought of leaving the two of them alone. Harry hasn’t noticed your presence yet, or if he has he hasn’t said anything, and you’re content to keep it that way for a few more minutes to observe the vision set before you.

You notice the movie that’s playing, it’s the same one from a few nights ago that Harry teased you for. You cross your arms, quirking one eyebrow upwards before you repeat Harry’s words from that night out loud, “Boys day, huh? Could’ve at least found a proper Christmas movie to watch while I was gone.”

“I’ve decided you’re right, it does count. I can see why he loves it so much.” He looks up at you from where you lean over back of the couch now, a soft “hi” falling from his lips, tilting his head up to accept the kiss you offer. Sterling coos, and when you look down, he’s looking up at you too.

“Mommy missed you too, baby boy.”

“Come sit with us, lovie, watch the rest of the movie.”

“Gimme a minute to put the groceries away and I will.”

“I’ll pause it and come help.”

“No, stay,” You run your hand through his hair, pushing the curls away from his face, “There’s not that much, I got it.”

You work swiftly to put everything away, taking a minute to change back into your pajamas before you rejoin them, curling yourself against Harry’s side under his free arm. Sterling’s dozing again, most likely falling into a milk coma from the bottle he had just finished, but it doesn’t stop the two of you from continuing to watch the same movie together. You offer to take Sterling or put him in his swing, but he just shakes his head no, clinging tighter to him and you.

“S’my favorite part, this song.”

“What? It’s the saddest one. Elsa and Anna’s parents die in this one.”

He shrugs, careful not to shuffle Sterling and disturb his sleep, “Maybe, but s’catchy, gets stuck in my head more than the others.”

He begins humming along to the intro music, nudging you softly to persuade you to start singing along with the character on the screen. You sit up, dramatically clearing your throat before you do. Harry knows more of the words than he cares to admit, but would rather hear the lyrics sung by you. He giggles at you as you even change your voice to mimic the silly parts.

“It gets a little lonely. All these empty rooms. Just watching the hours tick by…”

Harry provides the tick-tock part, clicking his tongue off-tune to the ones playing in the song. That’s enough to make you laugh out loud, temporarily forgetting the sleeping baby now resting on Harry’s chest. He shushes you playfully, his body shaking through his own laughter thankfully soothing Sterling enough that he doesn’t wake up.

You compose yourself as the song turns slow and mournful, tucking yourself back to Harry’s side again. His hand works around to cup your waist, squeezing lightly to pull you closer, the vibrations of him humming along again a comforting rumble against your body. His voice is quiet, barely above a whisper as he sings the last notes of the song.

“We only have each other. It's just you and me. What are we gonna doooooo?”

Your eyes scan the whole of the room. Your boys nestled together next to you, the tree in the corner of the room the 3 of you had decorated together a few days before, the pile of presents that had already accumulated underneath it. You spot your favorite ornament, a silver star with Sterling’s full name engraved on the front, “Baby’s First Christmas” etched on the back. Sterling’s first present from your family sent from home. Well, what used to be your home for the holidays. A smile spreads across your face at the simple happiness and realization that this is your home now.

Harry, Sterling, and you; sun, moon, and star, spending your first holiday together.

Thank you all for reading! As always likes/rbs/and comments are more than welcome. Tell me what you think here!

tag list: @taintedwonder, @cock-a-doodely-doo

#GBSxmaschallenge #harry styles imagine #harry x reader #my writing #dad!harry

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never-not-ever · 2 years

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Soooo

It was nice being off today and I slept in late but like off and on until like noon. I literally kept waking up, eating some ice and snacks and falling back to sleep. Which sort of put me in a bad mood cause I saw my morning as wasteful instead of me cleaning up.

We had to go grocery shopping, go to BJ’s and get gas and I was going to get Mary Lou’s coffee but we went out super late and the traffic was gross so we just stayed in one general area and got our errands done.

I made a sheet pan dinner of chicken fajitas and it was so freaking good! It was because my girlfriend showed me this Tik Tok of a girl making chicken, peppers and Frontera taco sauce packet on a sheet pan. Supposedly it went viral and it’s super easy. And yes it was amazing lol. Although I couldn’t find the taco one so we just used the fajita one.

AND I came home to some Covid Essential Employee check from the government and I was not expecting it so it was a nice surprise! It’s starting to get stressful financially and I was planning on doing Instacart tomorrow and Sunday but now I don’t have to! Like I work 40+ hours and have only one day off so it’s nice to actually be able to relax after work and not have to go do more work. But I am looking forward to the new job even though I’ll be working two jobs then…

I really wanted to dye my hair but it’s like 10 and I have no energy and need to wake up at 5 for work.. I’m hoping and praying that it’s busy for the online shopping because usually on Friday mornings I put up the new sale tags at work but tomorrow the guy who normally opens up the online shopping is off so I have to do it til 8 when a girl normally comes in. I’m kind of getting tired of putting tags up and I love the online shopping so fingers crossed it’s busy!

I love how my update/random shit text posts are like so random … like rereading it I’m like “no one cares debra 🙄” 😂😂

#personal

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wordsfromthesol · 4 years

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Sleep Deprived

Author: @wordsfromthesol Taglist: @zphilophobiaz Pairing: Tim Drake x Reader Summary: Tim accidentally falls asleep in the wrong apartment. That apartment happens to be yours, and it happens to be on your first day at your new job. Warnings: Language maybe? Word Count: 1.6k

It was the first day of your new job, your new job at Wayne Enterprises. Unfortunately, this meant you had to actually start waking up early. When the alarm went off at 5:30 in the morning you absolutely dreaded leaving your warm bed, but it was your first day and you were determined to make a good impression. Throwing your legs over the side of the bed, you slowly pushed yourself up and shuffled into the bathroom. Forty-five minutes later you came out and nearly fell to the floor in shock upon noticing a figure in your bed. Stalking closer you noticed they had a mask on…and was that a cape? After staring for a solid minute and a half you finally recognized the emblem, Red Robin, one of the infamous vigilantes of Gotham. You had only been in Gotham a week, was this normal? Shaking the thoughts from your mind you squinted through the dark and made your way to your closet. Selecting an outfit you tip-toed into the living room and got dressed. You had planned to actually make breakfast, but you supposed you had time to stop somewhere. Jotting down a quick note for the hero, you quietly went back into the room and placed it on the nightstand before leaving.

Tim's eyes fluttered before shooting open. His mind went into panic mode, quickly surveying the area and finding a note on the nightstand.

Red Robin,

I think you stumbled into my apartment by accident, but I'm sure keeping Gotham safe takes quite a toll. Since you’re a hero, I'm hoping you won't steal any of my stuff. Feel free to help yourself to any coffee.

Tim made his way to the window. "This isn't even close to my apartment." He mumbled to himself just as his phone rang.

"Dick?"

"Where the hell are you?"

"I…uh…working."

"At an apartment building half a mile from yours?"

"Why do you -- nevermind. I guess I slept here." Tim stopped trying to keep up the façade.

"DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND I DON'T KNOW ABOUT?!" Dick's voice went up two octaves as he screamed across the phone line.

"Geez, calm down Dick. No, I don't have a girlfriend. I honestly don't know how I ended up here. I was patrolling late last night --"

Dick cut him off, "When was the last time you slept? Not including this morning." He quickly added the qualifying statement.

"Three days…" Tim mumbled, knowing he was about to get an ear full from his brother.

"You can't keep doing this Tim. You're going to get yourself hurt."

"I know, okay." The statement long and drawn out. "I didn't mean to, I just get hyper fixated…"

"You're taking off tonight. From patrol and case work. And you better figure out how to thank that poor girl."

Tim knew it was pointless arguing with him and relented before hanging up the phone. At least now he could catch up on some WE work these next few days.

You quickly learned from your new coworkers that heroes stumbling into random apartments for a nap was not a normal occurrence in Gotham. You were just lucky…according to them. When you got back the mysterious figure had left. Though it would've been more surprising if he was still there.

When your alarm went off the next morning, you proceeded to the bathroom as usual. Only this time when you were done, your head hesitantly peaked around the corner, half expecting the hero to be in your bed once again. He wasn't. Slightly disheartened, you made your way to the WE building and went straight to research and development, hoping to avoid the morning gossip.

"Oh, Y/N! You're here. Can you run this up to Mr. Drake's office?" Your supervisor asked before you could step through the door.

"You…you mean like…the CEO, Mr. Drake?"

She could hear the wavering in your voice and quickly consoled you, "Don't worry. He's never here. More of a night owl I suppose. Just set it on his desk."

"Okay…" You were still hesitant, but couldn't exactly turn her down on your second day of work. Once you got to his office, his secretary didn't bother looking up. They just waved you along. Just as you set the folder on his desk, you heard the door opening. "Shit." You mumbled, praying that it wasn't the CEO.

"You must be Y/N." The voice was clear and crisp behind you. You spun around to see Timothy Drake, CEO of Wayne Enterprises, standing before you.

"Uh…yeah. You know who I am?"

"Heh, well I do run the company."

"But I just started yesterday. I'm nobody."

"Don't be ridiculous. What did you bring?" Tim motioned towards the folder on his desk beside you.

"A proposal from Sarah. I think it's some new circuit board."

"Well don't try to sell me on it." Tim could hear the lack of enthusiasm in your voice, not that you were trying to hide it.

"Sorry…not my thing I guess." You tried to play off the awkwardness…it did not work.

"You work under her, don't you?" Tim furrowed his brows as he stalked over and grabbed the folder, slowly thumbing through the papers.

"Yeah." You wanted to rant more, but you didn't think it was appropriate. It was your second day, and though the work didn't interest you, Wayne Enterprises did. This was how you could get your foot in the door. How you could make a difference in the world.

"Well, then what is your thing?" Tim was determined to get the answers he wanted. After all, he had to have some way to repay you for letting him crash uninvited at your apartment. And not waking him or telling the world that he was there.

"Honestly…" You hesitated to complain about your brand new job, but something about Tim felt familiar and safe. "I want to develop technology that makes a difference, that helps people. The projects I've seen seem completely money driven, which I understand. But in Gotham we have so much to look out for. Think about a chemical to counterattack Poison Ivy's spell or a ballistics vest you can comfortably wear under anything…" You drifted off into your thoughts until you realized you had been ranting for almost fifteen minutes. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for this --" Tim cut you off.

"No. I think we may have placed you in the wrong division. I want you to meet someone."

"I figured it out." Tim proudly announced as he sauntered into the Batcave, nodding toward Dick sitting at the computer.

"Figured out how to convince me to let you patrol tonight? Because the answer is no." Dick didn't even bother to look up. Mainly because he didn't want to be persuaded otherwise.

"No. You were right, I needed time. But the girl. Y/N."

"Your new girlfriend…" Dick wagged his eyes as he spun around to face his brother.

Tim rolled his eyes and attempted to ignored his older brother's comment. "She's the new WE employee. I'm moving her from our standard R&D department." Dick arched his eyebrows, still unsure where Tim was going with this. "She's going to be working with Lucius."

"And you think that's a good idea?"

"Yes. I fully checked her out and I think her work will benefit us more than it will WE."

"So you going to officially introduce yourself then?"

"Yes," Tim looked suspiciously at the mischievous glare in Dick's eyes before quickly adding, "But not for that reason!"

"Hmm" Dick spun back around towards the computer.

"Don't you dare tell Jason about this!" Tim screamed as he bolted up the stairs.

The next day you stood in awe once more as your new boss, Lucius Fox, was showing you more of the lab. There was technology here that you didn't even think existed. That's when it all clicked, this was tech used by superheroes. Wayne Enterprises supplied tech to the Justice League, Titans, Outsiders…all the superhero groups you could think of had displayed various pieces you now recognized around the lab. Your jaw finally dropped open as you watched Red Robin himself saunter down the hallway.

"Lucius! I heard you had a new protégé." The vigilante eyed you as he came to a stop next to your new boss.

"Red Robin. I didn't know you were stopping by today." You noticed Lucius smirk as he side-eyed the hero.

"Well I…" The remark caught Tim off guard…he didn't really have a particular reason for coming to the lab today. Well other than you. "I had to meet Y/N. I've heard great things so far."

"Right, well I have your suit repaired." Lucius chimed in to relieve some of the awkward tension before quickly disappearing to retrieve it.

Your eyes squinted as you glanced awkwardly around the room, "I've been employed here for like 3 days now…"

"Your…uh…research at school. And your internship at LexCorp…" Of course he had researched you. There's no way you would've gotten into the position without extensive background checks. You awkwardly fiddled with your fingers, hoping Lucius would soon return. You didn't expect Red Robin to try and continue the conversation. "Also thanks for letting me crash the other night. Guess I didn't realize how tired I was."

"So you don't just pick a random apartment to sleep in every night?"

"Well I try not to…I already got berated enough by my brother for that night."

"Good, as you should've." Red Robin looked slightly hurt by your commentary, so you continued. "It's never healthy to let yourself get to that point. What if you had to fight someone?"

"You sound like him…but fair enough. At least it allowed me to work normal hours for once this week."

The gears were turning in your head as everything fell into place, "Tim?" you blurted out before you realized what you had said.

"Ha! Well that didn’t take long." Lucius chuckled as he walked out, costume in hand. Tim's cheeks were already turning a bright crimson.

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confusednarcissistwrites · 4 years

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Teenage Dirtbag Pt.5 (K.S.)

strap in babies: this is rough one. love you all and hope you are staying safe 💛 enjoy

(cancer, v sad)

The minute the door slammed behind Kyle, you sunk the floor, pulling your knees to your chest and letting out a heavy sigh. No one else made you quite so ferocious in only a matter of moments. Yet, even so, you felt that obnoxious pang of guilt in your stomach for raising your voice at him. You often left confrontational situations feeling guilty; it was merely circumstance that most of the confrontation in your life was with him at that time. At least that’s what you told yourself.

You stood abruptly with a growl, frustrated with yourself. As much as you’d like to sit and rationalize with yourself forever, you knew in the end that the nagging feeling rarely left entirely. Perhaps he was right; you had very consensually slept with him twice with little to no complaint before blowing up on him. You could understand how he might be confused. You came to the conclusion that you had just been set off by his abrupt arrival, and that you’d apologize next time you saw him.

However, the next day, Kyle was absent from the class you shared with him. This was incredibly unusual as it was a criminal justice class he practically led most days, and he rarely missed classes in general. You struggled to pay attention, the guilt in your belly growing and gnawing at you. Was he okay? Had your words affected him more than you realized? What if he did something stupid? Something unthinkable? You were nauseous by the end of class, thinking yourself into a dither. Rationally, you knew he would never, but he’d done more than a few things you’d seen as out of character as of late. As soon as class ended, you spotted one of the boys from his band. Taking a deep breath, you approached him.

“Hey, Tony. Have you seen Kyle today?” you asked, hoping he wouldn’t pry.

Half baked, he shook his shaggy hair. “Nah, weird huh? Wonder what the little guy’s up to..”

“Mm, thank you,” you replied distractedly, not entirely convinced he was a reliable source. However, you had little else to go off of. You knew you had to make sure he was okay.

Your feet carried you swiftly to your car. Once in your driver’s seat, you found yourself unable to catch your breath. Were you being rational about all this? You really had no reason to be this concerned. Heaven knows he wouldn’t be if the shoe was on the other foot. You let out a long breath, pressing your palms against the steering wheel. Your conscience refused to let you just drop it and drive home.

The drive to his house felt oddly automatic despite how long it had been. Everything looked the same. White picket fences, square, manicured lawns, and housewives sprawled out in lawn chairs drinking sweet tea in the sun: The American Dream. But you knew better. The Scheible home had taught you much about how deceiving the appearance of a home could be. Bright white smiles sometimes hide the most bitter sadness.

You parked next to the curb, noticing an unfamiliar utility van sat in his driveway. Curiosity sparked, you hurried up the steps to the front door and knocked, suddenly feeling a little silly for being there. Too late to turn back now.

Mrs. Scheible answered the door. She flashed you a shiny smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Y/N, sweetie, what a surprise! Is there something I can do for you?” she asked. You could instantly see things were not good. She wore dark, puffy circles under her bloodshot eyes, and her normally manicured hands dry and the polish chipped. She normally invited everyone in without a second thought. Fear clenched your stomach.

“Hi, Darlene,” you smiled. “Is Kyle home?”

“Yes, he is. I’ll go get him for you, okay?”

You nodded, trying to convey as much sympathy for her as you could without saying anything. As she closed the door, your eyes found the van in the driveway again, and it all suddenly clicked into place.

Nurses. For his father.

You felt a bit queasy, feeling even more ridiculous for thinking he could possibly be upset over a squabble with you when he had much more pressing matters going on at home. Your thoughts were interrupted when the door was pulled open again, Kyle stepping out onto the doormat and closing the door behind him. It was as if the family was afraid the tragedy living inside their home would escape through the front door if it was held open too long.

You felt a pang in your chest as you took in the sight of him. It had been less than 24 hours since you’d seen him last, but he looked thinner, a shell of the boy you knew. His eyes looked like his mom’s.

“Hey.” His voice was weak.

“Hi,” you responded dumbly. “I-I, uh- you weren’t until class today. I was just… making sure you were okay?” It came out as more of a question than a statement. You weren’t sure why you were there anymore.

“Ah,” he replied, his arms wrapping around his middle. The silence hung heavy between you, his lack of a response speaking volumes.

“I’m sorry,” you blurted, picking at your fingers. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you yesterday.”

He blinked at you as if he didn’t remember for a moment. “You had every right to react the way you did,” he responded, shaking his head.

“No, I didn’t,” you sighed, hating how defeated he sounded. “You were right; I was giving you mixed signals and I just can’t expect you to read my mind. I think we… both have some uncertainty about what we’re feeling.” You met his eyes finally, seeing him give you a little nod of agreement. “And I can see you definitely have a lot more serious matters on your plate right now.”

He audibly swallowed, his eyes blinking rapidly for a moment. “Yeah,” he choked.

Overcome, you acted on pure instinct, wrapping your arms around his middle and pulling him into a tight hug. He tensed at first, but slowly relaxed, reciprocating your tight grip. You felt a shuddery breath leave his thin frame and could hear him physically fighting not to break down. “It’s okay,” you assured, feeling a knot in your own throat now.

He abruptly pulled back, hands wiping at his eyes harshly. “Thank you,” he breathed, giving you a tight-lipped smile as he stepped back toward the door. You wanted nothing more than to resist him pushing you away, but there was nothing you could do. You couldn’t rescue him from the realities waiting for him inside. You couldn’t ease the pain of losing a father one day at a time. So you just stood there helplessly, watching as he stepped back into his home and closed the door behind him. You weren’t sure how long it was before you finally came back to yourself and returned to your car.

++++++

You didn’t remember much of the drive when you arrived back at your dorm. You felt completely disconnected from everything around you. Walking into your empty dorm felt almost like a relief. You knew exactly what you needed.

You numbly pulled your phone from your pocket, selecting your mom’s contact. She answered after just a few rings.

“Hi, baby! How are you?” she greeted cheerfully.

You felt your throat tighten, tears welling up in your eyes. You couldn’t help but feel so grateful to have her there and healthy and available.

“I, um.. I’m kind of a mess, actually,” you replied, letting out a little sad laugh.

“What’s going on?” she asked, worry filling her voice.

You told her everything. She’d known about Kyle and everything that had happened during the breakup, but everything since then was new. You poured out every anxiety and doubt until you had nothing left to say, and she listened carefully to every word. By the end you were a blubbering mess.

“I just… I don’t know how I’m feeling. I don’t trust that I’m not just wanting to take care of him through this trauma he’s going through,” you sniffled, wiping your eyes with yet another tissue. You had a pretty impressive pile growing beside you at this point.

Your mother was quiet for a moment, thinking. “Honey, you have a big heart. I think that your desire to help Kyle is what drew you two together in the first place. You always wanted to teach him vulnerability.” You listened carefully, her words becoming your gospel as always. “But, I think you know that it’s more than that to you now.”

You felt stupid for not seeing it sooner. All the turmoil and heartache; how could you not have seen how much you still cared for him? You had never stopped caring for him. “I’m just scared he doesn’t feel the same. What if he just thinks he needs me right now so he can get through this?”

“Well, you’re going to have to decide if that’s a risk you’re willing to take or not, sweetheart.” Her tone was calm and resolute, convincing you it was really just that simple.

“Okay,” you replied finally, a shaky sigh leaving your tense body.

“I love you bunches. I know you’ll make the right decision, hon.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

You both said your goodbyes and hung up, leaving you a ball of snot and tears. Gathering up your tissues, you thought about all the things she had told you. Though your mind fought to keep up, your heart had really already made its decision. You just prayed you’d make it out in one piece on the other end of all this.

+++++

A few days passed. You found yourself thinking of him almost always. You texted him occasionally to check in, but it was never more. He needed space to be with his family, and you respected that. You just wanted him to know that you were never far if he needed you. It was draining to worry so much about something so far removed from you, but you remembered your mom’s words and prayed you were doing the right thing.

It was very early Sunday morning when he finally called. You quickly sat up, knowing it could only be him calling you at this time.

“Hello?”

His ragged breaths came from the other end of the line.

“Y-N... he’s gone.”

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myglogic · 3 years

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Priceless | Bang Chan | 06

Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Pairing: rich kid! Bang Chan (Stray Kids) x female reader

Genre: Crime, enemies to friends to lovers, angst, fluff

Word Count: 3k

Summary: You and Chan decide to snoop in Chan’s father’s office. Will you find something?

DISCLAIMER: Everything in this fanfic is fiction - that includes Chan’s fictional father who of course does not represent Chan’s real father! ♥

The night you talked with Chan and explained (almost) everything, you slept like a baby. Right after work you had gone to your father to ask him about Chan. He talked fondly about Chan and how he was such a gentleman. He also mentioned something about you dating him but you ignored that comment.

You were currently at work in the office with Minho. Minho’s legs were up on his table and he started yawning. “Damn, I’m bored!”, Minho shouted overdramatically. “Let’s do something!”

“Minho, I’m working on my article. I can’t just leave.”, you said, addressing him informally just as he asked you to. The last few weeks your relationship with Minho became a very comfortable one. He wasn’t pushing you to do any unnecessary work and he didn’t act like he was superior to you, which he was. He said he wanted you to work as comfortable as possible and you appreciated that.

Minho gave you a curious glance as he started walking towards your desk. “Let me see!”

You quickly covered your monitor with your body. “No! I told you that you can read it when I’m done!”

Minho rolled his eyes. “You’re so boring. I just want the tea on Kevin Bang. Is that so bad?”, he snickered as he watched you trying to cover up your screen. “I also want to help you, that’s all.”

You were consistent when it came to your work. “I said no!”, you then closed the document. “Dude, if you weren’t my boss then I would have said something.”

“Say it.”, Minho smirked at you as he challenged you. “I dare you to say it!”, he added and propped his elbows up on your desk.

“Do you want to fire me?”, you asked him in an equally challenging tone.

“Nah. I just want to hear it. It’s fun.”, Minho assured you.

You sat up straight and moved closer to him, so your faces were close. “I will not show you my article so… fuck off.”, you said, internally panicking and quickly moving away from Minho. You didn’t know you said that. He was your boss for god’s sake! “Oh my god, I’m sorry, I-“, you started but heard a loud laugher coming from Minho.

“Nice, you’re feisty! See, if you don’t want something then you need to say so. I trust you and I’m sure your article will turn out great. And when you are ready to show it to me, I will gladly read it and recommend it if it’s good.”, Minho told you and put a hand on your shoulder. “I told you that I’m here to help you, not use you.”

You exhaled in relief and gave him a smile. “I really appreciate that Minho. Thank you.”, you said happily. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“You know how you can thank me? Let’s go eat something! I am starving and I’m hella bored here.”, he practically begged you. “Pleeeease!”

“Okay, okay!”, you sighed and grabbed your things.

Minho was doing a little dance. “I’ll get the car!”, he said as he went ahead. You really didn’t imagine working with Minho would be like this. When it comes to work this man was a different human being. In meetings he was serious and very professional. But when it was only the two of you, he was different. He was more himself and laid-back. You liked that he didn’t pressure you to release the article. You did help with his articles but it wasn’t just editing them. He asked you for help when it came to writing the articles and even let you write one section once and you were credited too in the actual newspaper.

Those were just small accomplishments that you had thanks to your new boss. Normally, you wouldn’t leave work just for food but because Minho gives you freedom at work you adjusted your plans according to his.

Arriving at the café, Minho got a VIP table because he was a regular customer there. After ordering your food Minho started staring at you. “Uh, do I have something on my face?”, you asked him, a little self-conscious.

“No, I just noticed that you have really nice eyes.”, he said as if him complimenting you was normal.

You started blushing a lot. “Oh, uh, thank you?”

Minho smirked. “Don’t be embarrassed!”

You started looking anywhere but Minho. Then your eyes met someone familiar. Chan noticed you too and gave you a confused glance. You quickly looked away and prayed that he wouldn’t come here.

Please don’t come here, please don’t come here, please don’t come he-

“Y/N?”, you heard that familiar voice. Chan. Oh no.

You quickly turned to the boy who was now standing right next to you. He gave Minho a sketchy look and then turned to you. “What are you doing here?”, Chan asked, confused. “And who’s this?”, you added.

“Uh. Hi! Chan. Heeey!”, you said awkwardly. You internally slapped yourself for that weird introduction. “Uhm, I’m here with my friend Minho!”

Minho’s eyes widened a little as he saw Chan. “Aren’t you…?”

“Yeah. I am.”, Chan said before Minho could finish his sentence, knowing that Minho recognized him.

Then Minho turned to you, baffled. “You know each other?”, Minho asked you, giving a weird look.

“Uh, yeah. We are… acquaintances.”, you quickly said. “I should probably introduce you. Chan this is Minho. We kind of work together. Minho this is Chan.”, you awkwardly said.

Chan gave you two a narrow look. “Work, huh? And Y/N, I thought we’re friends? Ouch, that hurts!”

Chan didn’t know what it was but seeing with another guy made him feel weird. Maybe he just worried about you. That must be it. Right? It’s not like you were his girlfriend or anything. Chan quickly shook off that thought.

“Yeah! Uh, Minho. Our break is nearly over we should leave, don’t you think?”, you ushered Minho out of his seat. You then got up and took your bag in panic to avoid more questions.

“But we didn’t eat yet?”, Minho rolled his eyes at you. “I want food!”

“Deliver it to your office, damn it!”, you said as you shoved your boss out of the door. “We’ll talk later, Chan!”, you said, leaving Chan all alone.

After arriving at Minho’s car and getting in he gave you a strange look. “So? Care to explain?”

You sighed. “I… uh…”, you didn’t know where to start.

Minho drove to the next drive through to finally get his food. “Come on, Y/N. What the hell? You are writing an article about his father and are friends with him at the same time? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Okay… He is helping with my article. Kind of. Basically, I am using him for my article. He doesn’t know that I’m a journalist. I should probably tell you why I want to write about Kevin Bang in the first place…”, then you started telling him everything about the past and what Kevin Bang has done to your family. “Chan is just a pawn in my game. I don’t even care about him. I just want information and where can I get better information than from the source itself?”, you lied. You couldn’t tell him about your plans with Chan. As cool as Minho seemed, you didn’t know how much you could trust him. He couldn’t know that you actually worked with him.

“I’m impressed, Y/N. I didn’t expect you to actually use his son, even though you are being a snitch. Nice. I can’t wait to read the article.”, Minho smirked at you and gave you a high five. “Oh, here. Your burger!”

You felt like something changed in Minho’s demeanor. You hoped that you didn’t make the wrong choice trusting him with your past.

♥

The next time you met Chan was a day after the whole Minho incident. Chan told you to come to his house or mansion or whatever you want to call it. It was a huge villa, basically. Chan wanted to snoop a little in his father’s office while he was gone for a few hours. Kevin Bang couldn’t really leave the house for a long time after all that negative press on the gala. However, today Kevin apparently had a business meeting in person.

The evidence you presented at the gala wasn’t enough to completely get him out of the picture because after all he was one of the richest and most powerful persons in South Korea. You couldn’t show evidence on the whole drug story because back then you didn’t have enough proof to show that he was the one behind the restaurant incident. The employee got evicted back then, not Chan’s father. He somehow turned the media back to his side. For every evidence you presented, he found a solution somehow.

This was your chance to prove it. You were going to his actual house and could maybe find out more about his illegal business. You were thankful for Chan because he helped you do this.

“Are you sure he’s not home today?”, you asked Chan cautiously as you got out of the car, clearly nervous.

Chan locked the car and walked around it to stand next to you. “A 100 percent. I looked at his planner and it said that he’s gone for the next three hours. We should use this opportunity.”

“Aren’t there any cameras, though?”, you asked as you entered the huge mansion. Your eyes doubled in size at the sight of Chan’s high-class house.

“Don’t worry, I turned them off. I’ll tell dad that it was a technical error or something.”

It was weird to hear about Kevin Bang as a father. He was a normal person in Chan’s life but to your he was your worst nightmare. The arrogant look that you see in the newspapers was Chan’s father. The way he always slicked his grey hair back and wore only custom-made suits. That image was permanently engraved into your brain. The way that this man lived a carefree and luxury life when your father had to rot in prison for almost two years made you sick to your bones.

Chan turned to you and gave you a worried look. “Are you okay?”, he said, concerned.

“I guess… me being here is making me feel strange. It’s a little creepy to be in the house of the man you detest. No offense.”, you said to Chan, still taking the huge house in.

“None taken.”, he assured you. “Let’s go to his office. But make sure that you don’t move anything. My father is a freak when it comes to his office. He’ll know when something is different. Be careful, alright?”

You nodded. “Alright. Let’s do this.”

When Chan said that his father was a freak about his office, he meant it. The office was locked tightly with a code lock. Chan, being his son, knew his code. “My father changes the code every month but I saw him typing it in once. This should be it.”, he said as he typed in the code. “Bingo.”

Kevin Bang’s office was clean and very tidy. You had to make sure you left everything as it was. Before you knew it, you and Chan were sitting on the ground with lots of documents right next to you.

The documents seemed pretty normal. You sighed, it seemed like you missed something. Then you heard Chan groan. “I thought that we would find something. I guess dad is smarter than that. Once again, I don’t know him at all, I guess.”

You looked at him, his hair was disheveled from his frustration. “Are you close with him?”

“Honestly? I grew up with nannies and stepmoms who constantly changed. My dad was the only constant thing in my life so I thought highly of him.”, Chan said. He stopped looking through the documents.

“And you didn’t have a lot of time with your mother either.”, you concluded and gave him a sad smile. “I can understand that you didn’t want to let go of him.”

“Now that I think about it. My dad wasn’t really there for me when I needed him. After my mom died, he got remarried within a year while I was still grieving. I got emotional support from our houseworkers but it wasn’t the same as parental love.”, he said with emotion in his voice.

You moved a little closer to him and gave him a short side hug. “But you are still such an amazing person. You can give love to everyone around you if you want to. What happened in your childhood didn’t break you. You are strong, Chan.”, you gave him a genuine smile.

Chan started blushing and cleared his throat. “Uh, I found a document on future projects that haven’t been approved yet. There are actually a lot of them.”

You then took the document and looked at them. “These buildings have weird names. Maybe we should copy these?”, you asked him, just to make sure. He nodded and went to the copy machine.

You and Chan also looked up his computer and found a file that was protected by an additional firewall. “What the hell…?”, you said, confused. “What might be in that file?”

Chan was confused too. “I don’t know… Maybe some drug dealer information? I should ask my friend Hyunjin to have a look at this. He is very talented when it comes computers.”

“So, talented as in he is a hacker.”, you concluded and looked at Chan. He then smirked at you. “Yeah.”

Then there was a silence. It was a comfortable one but then you felt Chan stare at you. “What?”, you asked him, feeling observed by him.

“Uh… about yesterday. Who was that guy again? Minho, you said?”

Oh no. You expected him to ask. “Uh, yeah. He is my colleague. I help him with his work, that’s all.”

Chan blushed a little but looked away. “So, you weren’t on a date or something?”

“Why does that matter? I mean, we were just sitting there.”, you said, not aware of Chan’s reaction.

“Just curious.”, he said still not looking at you.

“If it means that much to you. No, we are not dating in any way.”, you said. However, you thought about that compliment that Minho gave you about your eyes. But that didn’t mean anything, right?

“Oh. Alright. It’s not like I care. You can do whatever you want.”, Chan told you, now finally turning back to you.

“Alright then.”, you smirked a little at his reaction to Minho.

You sighed as you neatly put away all the documents as they were. You got up but lightly crashed into Kevin’s desk which made the only pen on the desk fall to the ground. “Why is there only one pen here?”, you said and put it back in place.

“That’s his lucky pen. Whenever he signs a deal with it, the deal works out for him. I don’t even know why he believes in that.”, Chan told you. “Okay, I think we have everything. We should get out…”, before Chan could finish his sentence, he saw a car in the driveway. “Oh no… he’s back. Early!”

Then Chan quickly grabbed your wrist and pulled you out of the office. “You should get out of here before…-“, Chan started as he walked down the hallway with you.

“Before what?”, you heard another voice say. The voice that ran a shiver down your spine. Kevin. Then it dawned on you. What if he recognized you? You were his former best friend’s daughter! But the last time he saw you was when you were a child, if you’re lucky he might not remember.

Chan turned around to see his father standing right in front of you. “Oh! Dad! You’re back already?”

“I leave the house once and you already bring a girl home?”, he said jokingly. “Who is this lovely girl?” You exhaled at his reaction. It didn’t seem like he recognized you.

You felt sick. You didn’t want any compliments from that slimebag. “Uh- I am…”

Chan interrupted you. “She’s actually my girlfriend, Y/N! Sorry, I didn’t tell you.” Chan put his arm around your shoulders and pulled you close to him.

“Huh, it’s about time you started dating someone after that last girl. What was her name again?”, Kevin started thinking while stroking his chin. “Whatever. Nice to meet you.”

“Uh, yeah. Nice to meet you too, sir.”, you said in a shaky voice. Chan took his arm away from your shoulders but gave you a warm look which was supposed to tell you that he was here.

“One question, though. Your room isn’t in this hallway, Chan. What were you doing here?”, he asked in a serious tone.

Chan froze for a second. You then grabbed his hand and gave him a nod. “Sir, he was actually showing me around the house. I asked him because it’s so big and I wanted to see every corner of it. Should he not have done that?”, you asked him innocently.

“No. It’s fine. I’ll leave you two alone then. Don’t do anything stupid.”, Kevin then walked into the direction of his office.

Chan then brought you to his room where you both exhaled in relief. “That was a close one. Do you still have documents in your bag?”

You nodded. “Yes. You’re sure that we have everything?”

He sat down on his king-sized bed and then laid down. “Yeah. And I’m freaking exhausted.”

You giggled a little as you laid down next to him. “I am too. I felt like a spy in a movie.”

“Maybe we are destined to be spies?”, Chan said and laughed along with you.

“Spy partners or detective partners?”, you asked him jokingly. You both faced each other now. You were looking at his beautiful dimples and you liked his smile. You wanted to make him smile more just to see those dimples.

“Tough one. Spies are more interesting, don’t you think?”

“Huh, I guess you’re right.”

While you were having a debate over spies and detectives Kevin noticed a difference in his office. After entering he saw his lucky pen in a different position than before. “Something is up. I know it.”, Kevin said, sitting down on his chair with a serious expression on his face while picking up his precious pen.

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justimagineitblog · 4 years

Text

“You Used To Love Me” Michael Gray Fan Fiction - Chapter 12

A/N: here you go lovelies! Thank you so much for the support and love as always and I hope you guys enjoy this one.... don’t kill me and try to survive the bomb shells heheh ;)

love always xx

I glance over at the clock to find that it’s 5am as the sun begins to creep in through the gaps in my curtains, obnoxiously reminding me that I haven’t slept one wink. I have, however, played last nights events on a continuous loop and nearly given myself several panic attacks. That doesn’t leave much room for resting. And the impending dread of knowing that every minute that passes by is another minute closer to Charlie returning home and me having to look him in the eye also doesn’t really inspire one to sleep either.

I have grown all too familiar with the feeling of being cheated on. Of being abandoned. Lied to. Rejected. Of having your self esteem ripped from you and the rug pulled from under your feet. The questioning yourself. Your relationship. If it was ever real. I know it all. But the feeling of being the person who has done the cheating is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. I don’t know if understanding this has me feeling sympathetic for Michael or hating him even more.

But how could I hate him? Now I am just like him. I am no better. And I am certainly in no position to. Michael may have kissed me, but I kissed him back.

Then the most dreaded thought that I have been trying to push down and keep at bay for hours on end finally creeps it’s way to the fore front of my mind. Loud and obnoxious and shrouding me in shame and disgust.

Maybe I feel so horrible because part of me know’s that I don’t regret it. I don’t regret it at all.

That thought alone makes my skin crawl at the thought that I am that kind of person that I cannot physically lay here anymore. Giving up completely I haul myself out of bed and storm to the kitchen to busy myself with a coffee. Not that I need it. I’ve got enough adrenaline and cortisol pumping through my body that I won’t need caffeine for a week.

My hands shake as I try to fix myself breakfast. I desperately want to wash away the taste of Michael on my lips, but I can’t get anything down. I’m far to wound up. I give up on trying to stomach anything when my mouth and throat are so dry from anxiety that I can barely swallow.

So I just pace my apartment instead. Changing my outfit twice, cleaning the same furniture over and over again. Re arranging the flowers in their vases. My skin clammy and cold. On my laps of my apartment I can’t stop myself from passing by the window every few minutes. Holding my breath every single time in dread that I will see Charlie’s car down there and I will have to face it. I can’t even go in the lounge room, let alone look at it. Every time I catch a glimpse, see it in peripheral vision I swear to god I can Michael and I there. It all comes flooding back. Every time I close my eyes, even so much as blinking brings it all back. Like it’s etched inside my eyelids and I can’t get away from it. I can’t even stand the way my clothes cling to my skin, hugging my hips and curves, the same way Michael did. I can even feel his hands up in my hair and on my face.

I must have actually been successful at distracting myself, cleaning my kitchen for what feels like the 5th time today. Because I don’t even hear Charlie’s car pull up in the street, I have no clue he’s home until I heard my apartment door unlocking and opening.

The sound makes me practically jump out of my skin and I can’t wipe the stunned ‘looks like I’ve just seen a ghost’ look of my face as he walks in, brief cases in hand and beaming smile. I physically feel the blood drain from my face.

“Surprise!” He holds his arms out, grinning at me as he drops his bags and walked over to me.

“You’re back early” is all I manage to get out as he pulls me into his embrace.

“Don’t sound too excited” he chuckles, picking up on my complete lack of enthusiasm. I can’t blame him, I’m not doing the best job at hiding it.

“Sorry I just-“ I fumble for the right words “I guess I’m still just in shock from yesterday”

“Right, the deal” he begins, nodding “I thought so. That’s why I came back early”

Yeah… the deal… To be honest that was the last thing on my mind. I think I was referring to the shock from almost being killed and Michael kissing me. Let alone the fact that Charlie wants me to move three hours away with him onto the list.

“I was thinking about it and I realised I kind of sprung that on you” he bites his lip sheepishly “ I know I freaked you out on the phone, I mean moving three hours away is a big ask and I know we’ve only been together for a month Izzy but-“

I swallow hard. If only that was all I was worried about. Worrying about moving three hours away. That would have been so goddamn simple. Suddenly feeling faint I try to step back from him, reaching out for the kitchen counter to steady myself.

“Hey, hey” he runs his hands up my arms before they finally land on my face, holding me gently “I’m sorry, you don’t have to pack right now, we have time to talk about this”

He continues talking, but as I stare up at him it all drowns out into the background. All I can see and all I can feel is Michael. It’s wrong. It’s so wrong. But even Charlie’s hands on my face take me back to last night. His face so close to mine. His breath on my face. As each moment passes my skin crawls, hot and prickling like needles poking at me all over. I can feel myself trying to smile and nod at him, but I just can’t. The memories of last night race across my mind as my heart pounds in my chest. I can feel my chest rising and falling faster and faster until I’m all but hyperventilating.

I can’t take this. I can’t do it. I just want to scream.

“I can’t do this” I blurt out in a harsh exhale as I finally break. Finally snapping. I can’t take this anymore. I take his hands in mine and pull them away from my face as I tear myself from him, backing away to the other side of the kitchen.

He stares at me, wide and in shock as I run my hands through my hair, trying to steady my heart rate.

This is it. I can’t hide from this anymore.

“Izzy” he breathes “What’s going on?”

The way he stares at me breaks my heart. He looks completely lost. Like he’s staring at a person he doesn’t know anymore. Like he doesn’t know who this girl is. And to be honest, I don’t even know who I am right now either. But just as quickly as that look falls over of his face, it’s gone again. Replaced by another look. One of… calm. Understanding. Like he know’s something about me that even I don’t know.

“There’s someone else in your heart”

As the words leave his mouth they cut me deep, gutting me so heavily they almost leave me winded. Then I realise he’s not asking me. No. He’s… telling me. As if he already knew. Not even sure of what I’m going to say I open my mouth, ready to launch into anything and everything I could possibly say to explain myself.

“I’m so sorry” is the only thing I can manage to get out past the growing lump in my throat. I think my apology is enough confirmation for his suspicions.

“I think I’ve known the whole time… I just didn’t want it to be real”

Known what the whole time? My mind races. I’ve never mentioned Michael once. He’s never even met him.

“The man from the ball, with the American wife… who is he?”

I sigh. He knew from the first night I met him. He knew that I was always hung up on Michael. And it hurts. It’s hurts because he’s right. That Charlie could see it before I could. I fell in love with Michael on the day I met him 5 years ago. And I have loved him every day since then. Through it all. Through the distance. The cheating. Through everything.

How was I ever so foolish to try and think that I could move on with someone else. Trying to fix myself with someone else. Trying to fill the void. Shouldn’t I have known that I would only be hurting us both.

The only way I can even come close to doing the right thing is explaining it all. From the beginning. Giving him the explanation and closure he is owed. It won’t take anything back. Or fix anything. But he deserves to know. From day one up until right here in this kitchen. I owe him that much.

“You don’t owe me anything, you can leave right now” I begin, my lip trembling as I push out the words “But if you just give me a moment to explain. You deserve that much”

He stares at me for a moment. I expect him to be angry. To scream. Yell. Tell me hates me. But he doesn’t. He stays quiet as he digests it all. Nodding slowly, he goes over to the lounge and takes a seat. I follow him wearily, lowering myself onto the lounge next to him.

I close my eyes, taking a deep shaky breath before I jump into my history. I give up trying to hold back. Now is not the time for holding back.

He watches me closely, examining and reading every micro expression on my face.

“His name is Michael” I breathe “We were together for four years, it would have been 5 years yesterday”

“Four years” he echoes, the enormity of it all dawning on him. Four years is a long time. Long enough for someone to have stained every part of you. For them to have worked their way into every part of you. That takes a lot of time to unravel. To unravel that person from you, and he knows it.

“He um, he was sent to America last year to head the Shelby Company over there. He didn’t know when he would be able to come back home and well, I guess things changed when he was over there. Distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder but, I guess not in his case” I shake my head before continuing “He cut off all communication. With me, with the family. We had no clue why. And every day I waited. Every day for 6 months. I waited to hear from him. For a letter. A call. Anything. It felt like I held my breath for 6 months, praying he would come home and explain everything away. Apologise. And everything would be okay”

“But he did come back?” He asks, furrowing his brows.

“Yes he did. He showed up out of the blue. None of us had any idea he was coming home. When I saw him at the train station that day, it was the best moment of my life until it very quickly became the worst. Because he had returned, but he wasn’t alone. He had a wife. Gina”

“Jesus…” Charlie exclaims softly as he puts two and two together “That’s the American woman from the ball”

I nod, confirming his statement.

“What happened? I mean, how does that happen?” He stutters, unable to comprehend how someone could do that to another person.

“I don’t know. I’ve been asking myself that for the past two months. He just went… cold. He looked at me like we were never in love. Like he barely even knew me. And I’ve been trying to figure out how to deal with all of this. How to get him out of my goddamn head. But I- ”

“But you never stopped loving him” He interrupts me with a sad but genuine smile.

I look over at him. I shake my head slowly. By now my eyes have succumbed to welling with tears. He is right. I never stopped. I never have.

“I didn’t sleep with him” I breathe, struggling to even suggest such a thing “Yesterday there was an altercation at the office. There was a man, he had a gun, things got heated. Michael was there, all the Shelby’s were. He had the gun to my head and-“

“What?” Charlie’s eyes shoot wide open as panic is slapped across his face.

“It’s okay, I’m okay” I calm him “But I was shaken up. The doctor said I shouldn’t be alone and Michael stayed to keep an eye on me. He insisted. He wouldn’t take me out of his eye sight for even a second. Something changed. In the office, when the man had the gun to my head. Something changed between Michael and I. Like he’s had this cold exterior but he couldn’t keep it up any longer. He kissed me and…”

I shut my eyes as the words leave my mouth. I can’t even look at him. I know by now that he won’t yell. He won’t get angry. That’s not Charlie’s way. But that doesn’t make the guilt and shame feel any less. In fact, I think it makes it worse. Because I know I don’t deserve the kindness.

“Because he still loves you Izzy” Charlie blurts out “Did you ever think maybe the reason he pushed you away wasn’t because he hates you. The exact opposite, actually”

I shoot my eyes open, looking over at him in disbelief.

“Izzy” he begins “That stuff, all those years, that doesn’t just go away. And I should have known it. That night at the ball I saw you at the table. I saw how you looked at Michael. I should have known that feelings like that don’t go away”

“Listen to me” I shake my head at him “Don’t you doubt for one second, how I feel about you. Because I don’t. You are one of the best people I have ever met. But I am a fool. Because my heart isn’t ready, I am not ready. I am not okay. And I was stupid for trying to fix myself by getting into a relationship with you. I have only hurt you. But don’t you ever question what I felt for you, please. I want to tell you to stay. I want to move away with you. I want to love you. But I just-”

“You can’t force your heart to feel what it doesn’t” He nods, giving me a small smile “I would be the fool if I tried to get in the way of you and Michael. My feelings for you grew faster than I ever expected them to. I just want you to be happy Izzy, I can’t stand in the way of that”

Unable to hold it in anymore, sobs begin tumbling their way out of my mouth. Charlie embraces me immediately.

“Izzy look at me” He holds my face, brushing my wet cheeks with his thumbs “It’s okay”

“What are you going to do?” I cry, heart breaking at the thought that he had factored me into his life and now he has to remove me again.

“I don’t know” he shakes his head “I’m gonna take that deal I guess”

“Oh my god the deal!” I exclaim, remembering that I haven’t even congratulated him yet “I told you you were gonna be great” I chuckle through sniffles and he returns a grin.

“Yes you did” he nods, chuckling.

“I’m so proud of you” I smile, placing a gentle hand on his face “You’re gonna be amazing up there”

“You think so?”

“I know so”

“Will you promise me something?” He bites his lip “We can still be friends? If you’re ever coming up that way, visit me?”

“I promise” I nod my head without even a moments hesitation “You’re not getting rid of me that easily”

We stare at one another for a moment in a mutual understanding. Maybe we haven’t found a love in each other. We haven’t found a soulmate. A forever. But we have found a friend. And I will love this man for the rest of my life. I will be grateful for him forever.

“I should go” he looks down, before we both get up off the couch and take our final march to the door. With his brief cases in hand, we stand in the door way in silence. We know this is done. We know this is over. But dragging it out feels so much easier.

“Goodbye Izzy” he breathes, and I rush forward, hugging him so tightly it shoots pain all up through my bruising back. But I don’t care. He hugs me back just as tightly.

“I’ll speak to you soon, I wanna know how you go up there, out in the big world” I grin, fighting back tears.

“I can’t wait” he smiles down at me.

And with that, with one more long, final hug, he leaves.

After he’s gone, I stand in the door way for a while. Just thinking. Digesting. I stand there as I hear his car door close and hear the wheels turn on the gravel, as he drives out of my street.

Charlie changed me for the better. He came along into my life when I expected it least but needed it most. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to live with myself for doing this to him. But I know I couldn’t live the rest of my life looking at him and seeing Michael. Kissing him and tasting Michael. He doesn’t deserve it. Charlie gives his all. And he deserves someone who can give their all back. I will always love him in some way, but not in the way he needs. Maybe now without me, he has a chance at finding that. I hope next time I see him he as met a beautiful woman. Maybe they’re engaged. Married even. With a son on the way. The thought warms my heart. Maybe the kindest thing I could do to Charlie was to let him go. And let him find that life. Whatever happens between Michael and I, at least I know Charlie is going to be okay.

Or at least that’s what I try to tell myself. To feel better about it all. To feel better about the fact that I just let an amazing man walk out of my life all for someone who I just cannot get over. All on a whim. On one kiss. But Charlie seem’s to think that Michael and I are worth betting on. Some how, everyone around us seems to be able to figure out whats going on except the two people involved - Michael and I. Everyone seems to have us figured out except ourselves.

I think about Charlie all night until I manage to fall asleep just past midnight, pure exhaustion sending me into a deep sleep.

THE NEXT DAY

The goddamn mail. I could have avoided the Shelby house for another few days at least to pull myself together and figure out what I’m going to say to Michael for the first time since our kiss. But no. Because today the mail needs to be posted otherwise important correspondences won’t find their way into the clutches of some very important business partners in enough time.

I basically run to the Shelby house, every single thought is just praying that no one will be there. It’s a Saturday after all. I just need to get the mail from the desk and leave. I’ll be in there at 5 minutes tops.

When I slink into the house, desperately trying not to make a noise, the whole place is silent. On the floor boards creak lightly as I prance over to the stacks of mail that I have let pile up through my own procrastination and avoidance.

See when Charlie left, I didn’t have a plan. I wasn’t going to storm into Michael’s house and profess my undying love. To be honest, I don’t know if I have anything to say at all. So my plan became what it has been since the day Michael returned - avoid him like my life depends on it. And I hate myself for that. For the fact that putting Charlie through all that pain, that the kiss, that every moment of tension and build up of anticipation with Michael could all have been for nothing because I’m to scared to find out. So that means letting the mail pile up to un godly height that will probably cost a fortune to ship all at once… then so be it.

With the sizeable stack of letters in my clutch, I turn on my heels and sneak back to the door before the faintest sound catches my attention. My hand is on the door handle, and I’m almost out of the house but the noise gets louder. I furrow my brows as I try to decipher what the noise is. As it gets louder, I realise it sounds like rustling. Like someone frantically sorting through something.

I swear to god if this is nothing I’m going to kick myself. But I just can’t leave. I don’t know who is in here with me. I all but roll my eyes in irritation as I turn on my feels and head for the sound. The thought crosses my mind that it could be robber. Someone trying to rip off the Shelby family. But I don’t know who on earth would try that. This place is like Fort Knox. Only people who have keys - and that is a very small group of people - can get in here. You couldn’t break in to this place without making a hell of a lot of noise.

As I follow the noise through the house, I realise that I’m being led straight for the kitchen. But my suspicions don’t go un answered for very long, when I round the corner and step into the kitchen doorway to find Gina, frantically searching through the draws and cabinets. No sooner do my eyes fall over her, they quickly flicker to the countless medication bottles sprawled out all over the kitchen bench.

What the hell is she doing with all this medication?

“What are you doing?” I blurt out, confused and concerned as Gina searches desperately.

“Fuck!” Gina curses in shock as she gets busted, then rolls her eyes when she realises that it’s me “Of course you’re here”

“Yeah don’t worry, the feelings mutual” I mutter, before she turning my attention back to the mediations everywhere “You didn’t answer my question”

“What are you doing?” Gina spits back, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

I hold up the letters I was looking for to send in the mail, raising my brows. She sighs, hoping that she would be able to change the topic onto what I was doing.

“Your turn” I say.

I watch her suspiciously. I normally wouldn’t bother. But she looks like a mess, and catching someone rummaging through bottles of medication frantically alone in a house isn’t exactly an innocent act.

She opens her mouth to speak, when suddenly a panicked look falls over her face. She blinks rapidly, before covering her mouth with one hand and clutching at her stomach with the other.

I furrow my brows, looking her up and down “Gina?” I say, growing more concerned and confused as the seconds pass.

Suddenly, she takes off from the kitchen. Stunned, I begin to run after her. Down the hall ways I follow the sound of her heavy footsteps through the until I finally reach the bathroom. I stop abruptly in the door way to find her bent over the toilet, throwing up violently. I rush forwards to hold her hair out of the way, but she swats me away.

“Get off me!” She strains, before being sick again.

I stand back, everything coming together in my mind as she sits draped over the toilet, catching her breath.

“Gina…” I say quietly “You’re pregnant”

I know I’m right with the grave look she gives me when she pulls herself away from the toilet. She sits with her back against the bathroom wall, staring straight ahead.

“Congratulations, you figured it out” she says sarcastically.

“Gina, I-“ I shake my head, not knowing what to say “How long have you been sick for?”

“Why the fuck do you care?” She hisses, shooting daggers at me with her eyes.

“Trust me, I don’t. But if you’ve been this sick for a while you might be dehydrated, you need fluids” I tell her matter of factly.

“It hasn’t been this bad before. I’ve been sick every morning this week”

“And Michael hasn’t taken you to the hospital?!” I exclaim, baffled by how nonchalant she’s acting. Why wouldn’t Michael be more concerned? He’s seen Esme pregnant, Lizzie, Ada. He should know that this isn’t normal.

When the words leave my mouth she doesn’t say anything. She just keeps staring straight ahead, her eyes tired and dark.

“How far along are you?” I press her with another question.

“12 weeks, doctor” she replies dryly.

I continue to watch her, unable to figure out why she is acting so… off. So strange. Gina would love to rub this in my face. That Michael is having his first child with her and not with me. And Polly, Polly knows everything. If Michael is trying to hide it, she would still know. She could get a secret out of Michael in a second. My mind continues to run rampant with questions.

“Gina… Who knows about this?”

And again, she looks up at me with that dark, grave look on her face.

It’s not Michael keeping the secret. It’s Gina.

“He doesn’t know” I breathe and she nods her head slowly.

“Ding Ding” she scoffs.

I kneel in front of her, but she just stares straight ahead, emotionlessly.

“So I suppose you’re going to tell everyone then” she says, shaking her head slowly “Run to Michael and tell him that I’m pregnant. Then Tommy and Polly. And they will want me to get an abortion, no doubt”

I shake my head in utter confusion. She seriously thinks Polly and Tommy would force her to lose the baby?

“They’re not going to make you get an abortion, Gina. This is Michael’s child you’re carrying. I know you and Polly have your differences, but she’s a woman, a mother, too. And this is her grandchild”

She laughs tiredly, sighing afterwards. Then, her eyes meet mine. “Maybe you’re not as smart as I thought” She insults me “Why is that you think I’m 10 weeks and haven’t told Michael, huh?”

I reel back from her. Tracking the weeks back. 10 weeks. That would have been right before they left for Birmingham. I look at her, shaking my head. I don’t get her point.

“So you fell pregnant before you were married and convinced him to marry you on the ship so that you wouldn’t be having a baby out of wedlock… So why doesn’t Michael know, Gina?”

She shakes her head at me, at my confusion, before leaning forward slightly “I never said this is Michael’s baby”

My eyes widen, locked on hers. She sits back against the bathroom wall, keeping the eye contact with me.

“So there, aren’t you happy Izzy. The second they find out, I’m done for. And you and Michael can go back to being soulmates” she says mockingly.

I shake my head.

“Gina, what happened?” I ask softly. I thought part of me would want to see Gina go down in flames, and take Michael with her. But with her sitting here in front of me, revealing her darkest secret I feel… bad for her.

She looks away from me for a moment, and I can see her battling internally. When he continues to explain, I guess she realises that she has nothing to lose anymore.

“It was before we left for Birmingham. My ex got word that I was leaving, so he came and visited. I was emotional. I was scared of moving across the world. We had drinks. I don’t think I need to say what goes next…”

When I don’t respond, mostly out of shock, she continues with irritation.

“Jesus you’re persistent,” she rolls her eyes “Right towards the end of the trip I felt… off… more than usual sea sickness. I started to panic. I found a doctor on board. He told me I was pregnant. So I convinced Michael to marry me. On the ship. I was going to tell him that I was pregnant. Pretend it was his. But Michael is smart. He would know it wasn’t his”

My mouth parts and my brows furrow.

How would Michael know it isn’t his baby?

“What does that even mean Gina?”

“Do I really have to sound it out for you?” She hisses with a roll of her eyes “Don’t act stupid Izzy. Michael would know it’s not his baby because Michael hasn’t touched me since we got here. His eyes have been else where…”

She looks me up and down. Me? She’s referring to me?

“He loves you. I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it. He doesn’t want a bar of me. He hasn’t even noticed me starting to show…” as all of these words spill out of her mouth she looks sad. I don’t think I’ve never seen her sad. But it is quickly whisked away and covered up when she makes another smart ass remark.

“But I guess it’s alright isn’t it. Because I’m carrying another mans baby. No harm no foul, right?”

Suddenly someone comes in the front door downstairs. Our eyes both widen. As the footsteps come up the stairs I quickly rush to close us in the bathroom door. We wait quietly. The footsteps come down the hall and stop outside the door with a knock on the wood. Gina looks up at me desperately.

“Girls business!” I call to the person on the other side of the door.

“Well last time I checked I had tits” Polly’s voice says from the other side of the door. Suddenly the door opens to reveal us both looking nervously back at Polly.

“Well what the fuck is going on in here?” She asks, looking over me and Gina. You wouldn’t catch us in a room together if you tried. Let alone together voluntarily in the bathroom.

I glance at Gina whose staring at the floor, accepting defeat. But I don’t want it to happen this way. I don’t want Michael to have to find out this way. Through Polly. I can’t believe I’m doing it, but I begin to lie.

“Gina got sick… something she ate last night… I came in while she was sick and got her some tablets for the nausea-“

“Shut up Izzy” Gina’s voice says suddenly.

I look back at her with my eyes wide open. What is she about to do. I can protect her, give her more time to tell Michael herself, but not if she gives herself away. Polly looks at me suspiciously, and I know she’s wondering why would I be covering for Gina, of all people.

“I’m sick because I have morning sickness” She says pointedly at Polly “I’m pregnant, Polly”

Polly’s eyebrows raise, looking from between Gina and eye for more answers.

“Izzy came in while I was trying to find medication, then I started getting sick again, as you can see” she gestures to herself and the toilet.

I watch Polly carefully as she thinks.

“Well,” she begins, taking a deep breath “Congratulations… How far along are you?”

“12 weeks”

“12 weeks” Polly echoes, nodding “How long have you been sick for?”

“All week”

“Jesus,” Polly hisses “You need to get to a hospital Gina”

“I’ve been told” she looks over at me.

“I’ll call Michael. He should have known better than to leave you knowing how sick you are”

“Don’t call him” Gina shakes her head frantically

“And why not?” Polly presses

Polly looks at me, and I look back nervously.

What the hell is Gina about to say.

“Because it’s probably not the best way for him to find out”

“He doesn’t know?” Polly says slowly, trying very, very hard not to lose her cool.

I glare at Gina. Surely she isn’t about to tell Polly that this child isn’t Michael’s right here, right now in the goddamn bathroom.

She shakes her head “No, and I would appreciate if you let me tell him, please”

I all but release a giant sigh, trying to hide my obvious relief. That would have been catastrophic.

Polly nods slowly, but still looks confused. Suspicious. She always knows when something isn’t adding up. She looks over at me, but I can’t look at her. She will know I’m hiding something the second she see’s my eyes.

She watches us both for a few seconds, before speaking.

“I’m calling Michael. You can have your moment with him and tell him when he gets here. Then you need to go to the hospital”

There’s silence for a moment, before another voice fills the room.

“Tell me what?”

All of our heads turn suddenly to see Michael standing in the hallway.

TAGLIST

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most-wanted-fanfic-and-love · 3 years

Text

Most Wanted 2 fanfic

☆ Masterlist

Chapter one - Old friendship

Words: 2203

Warning: anxiety/panic attack

A/N: This is a remake of the chapter I published months ago (link). Not only the grammar mistakes were corrected, but I added more scenes. I hope you enjoy it, wether you are a fan of MW or not, and remember - creative criticism is always welcome! ❤

By the way, the second chapter is going to be released next week 😄 and takes place in the present. Stay tuned!

//////

“...Each one of you is going to write a memory from your childhood. The minimum of words is a hundred.”

After giving the assignment, the teacher sat down on the desk. Everyone started to rip a page from their notebooks, some focused, others whispering to their colleagues. In one of the desks from the middle of the room, a boy with brown dark hair was lost in thoughts… when someone touches his arm. He looks startled to the right, sighing afterward.

“You scared me…”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” - giggled a girl with black hair - “Davey, as your seatmate, I couldn’t help but notice you were traveling in your own world.” - she whispers so the teacher wouldn’t catch them speaking - “You don’t know what to write for your assignment?”

He shrugs, whispering too - “Hmm, actually, I might have an idea…” - Dave pauses for a moment, not wanting to talk about it - “What about you, Cass?”

“I have a few ideas in my mind, but I don’t know which one to choose.” - Cassandra twirls her hair, thoughtful, while glancing at her notebook.”

Dave slightly smiles - “Hey, I can help.” - he says, while grabbing a yellow pencil and pulling the empty paper - “Can I scribble here?” - Cass nods, and he proceeds - “Tell me your ideas, but we need to be quick…”

After a while, everyone was writing their assignment, including Cassandra, thanks to Dave’s help. But he wasn’t having any luck in progressing with the text. Dave took a deep breath after crossing a phrase.

I'm not having any luck with this.

He decides to look around the busy classroom. A sense of dread was suddenly taking over Dave, as if he was going to be the first person to talk about what he wrote. But that wasn’t the issue.

There was only one thing he could do at the moment to relieve the uncomfortable feeling. After some seconds which seemed like an eternity, Dave raised his arm. When the teacher stared at him, he tried to speak with a normal tone - “May I go to the washroom?”

...But his anxiety didn't help with it. Dave prayed internally that no one had noticed the trembling voice. After the teacher nodded, Dave, hesitantly, left his seat and headed to the door. Behind him, Cassandra Leigh was observing discreetly whilst frowning her eyebrows.

Through the big windows from the long corridor, Dave could feel the scorching that was the Californian weather. His heart was racing, so he started to walk fast, making his best effort to not start sobbing. Fortunately, there was no one else in the corridor at the moment besides him and the noises from the classrooms with the doors open. Dave turned left, to the quiet courtyard of the school. That's when he allowed himself to blink his eyes and let the tears fall.

Meanwhile, Cassandra was almost finishing her assignment. Glancing at her seatmate’s paper and noticing that he didn't write anything besides the scribbles, she put down the pencil.

Dave, sitting his back against the big tree, touched his face, angry - “I shouldn’t be here. I’m not the kind of student who skips classes…” - he reluctantly wipes a tear - “I don’t want my classmates to find out that I was adopted. It would be extremely awkward.” - a pigeon lands on the grass, looking for something to eat. Dave observes the bird - “But I could write a memory without mentioning it. God, I’m making a scene...”

He closes his eyes, taking deep breaths to try to feel calm and ease the chest tightness. He has been feeling like this these days, but today is the worst. To the point of needing to skip the class...

Suddenly, Dave heard the door of the courtyard opening, and he immediately opened his eyes.

“...Cass? What are you doing here?”

“I ask the same question.” - said the young woman, slowly approaching Dave - “The teacher did let me check you. I knew something was going on.” - Cass kneels at his side, looking concerned - “What is worrying you?”

Four words were enough to make him weep louder. She gently touches his arm - “Look, you don’t have to tell me everything in detail.” - after biting the lower lip, cautious, she says - “But I take it you need to vent to someone right now.”

Dave didn’t answer right away. Then, he laughs nervously, using his arm to clean off the tears - “I should have known you would notice my trembling voice when I asked the teacher if I could go to the washroom. You know me too well, after all.” - he couldn’t resist but smile for a moment - “I’m... glad we’re classmates… hey, you can sit here” - Dave touches the grass - “It’ll hurt if you stay on your knees for too long”.

As Cassandra accomoded herself, he began to explain what was troubling him - “I barely slept last night, so… you can see that it hasn’t been a good day for me.”

“Nightmares?” - Cass whispers.

“Yes...”

When Reyes was seven years old, he witnessed his own mother being murdered in front of him. It was a heavy situation to endure as a child, losing his only progenitor in cold blood. Dave barely had memories of his father, who died in a civil construction accident when he was just a baby. But the mother… was the only family he knew. Because of it, Dave was inevitably taken to the orphanage. Years later, he ended up being adopted, together with other kids he grew up with, by a good family. Since then, Dave has been living in the Vermont Square neighborhood, in the southern part of Los Angeles.

“So that’s why you were drinking coffee when I arrived at school.”

He nods, taking a deep breath - “Exactly.”

They stay in silence for a moment, watching together the blue sky with the white clouds in the distance. Cassandra breaks the silence - “Now it makes sense why you are feeling like that. The nightmares last night, and now an assignment about childhood memories... it isn’t pleasant.”

“But it shouldn’t be an excuse to skip the class-”

“Dave, listen...” - they look into each other's eyes, and Cass continues - “...don’t blame yourself. I’m sure the teacher is going to be understanding about your situation.”

He got up, apprehensive - “The teacher... she is going to speak to me when the class ends, isn’t she?”

“We both know the answer.”

Reyes runs his hand through the brown hair - “Oh, of course. And then she will give me advice to speak with the school counselor. I... I understand they care for my well-being, but I just don't want to bother anyone with my problems. Last week, I spoke twice to the counselor. Twice!"

“You are going through a bad phase, but it’ll get better. There are ups and downs...” - Cass got up, walking towards Dave - “And if you need to vent, you can always count on me.” - she puts her arms around him, hugging tightly. He does the same.

“Only you to make me feel better.”

As they return to the building, Dave stops at the entrance - “Uhh.. it’s going to be awkward, entering in the middle of the classroom. What if the class is already presenting the assignments?” - Cassandra turns around, looking at him - “I know it would also be awkward if I only appeared when the bell rings, but you know… unfortunately it is inevitable.”

“You’re right, it’s awkward either way. But, I have an idea to make you feel better and look forward to the end of the classes…” - she winks - “Do you want to attend the theater group?”

Dave was now feeling a mix of anxiety and enthusiasm.

“The one you spoke about a lot of times?! And you are inviting me to see you all participate?”

“Yep.”

“Well, I appreciate the invite. For real. But I need to talk to my… parents to see if they allow me to come to school after dinner. Although I'm certain they will.” - he now takes a step forward, taking a deep breath - “Let’s get going. I don’t want you to miss your assignment because of me. Oh, and… one more thing: when you become a famous actress, don’t forget about our friendship.”

Cassandra felt her cheeks flushing - “What-what makes you think that I’ll become famous?”

“You are talented. Who knows, maybe in the future you are going to act in a blockbuster movie!”

“Davey, me and other thousand girls in L.A have the same dream. Ok, I’m exaggerating in the numbers…” - she couldn’t stop blushing. One thing was her parents saying this, another was her best friend - “Ahem. It’s true that I’m one of the best students from the theater group, but let’s not have high expectations... but answering your question, of course I won’t forget you if that ever happens.”

-----

The pink sunset sky announced that summer was coming. Dave Reyes wished the doorman good night as he entered the school precinct. There were no students in the courtyard - it had been two hours since the last class of the day was over. Dave, serene, took one last look at the sky before opening the main door. Her best friend's dinner and invitation made her feel better, even if not a hundred percent, but it was a good feeling.

Inside, on the second floor, Dave could hear a noise coming from the auditorium. As he approached, he put his hand on the doorknob …

… and saw a group of 5 young people on the stage, rehearsing their lines and laughing. Four were girls, in long dresses. The boy, who appeared to be a senior in high school, was coordinating the scenes.

“Rita, you have to speak in a more authoritative tone. That means no giggles- ”

"How do you want me not to laugh around them?" - the girl with curly hair and black eyes pointed at her colleagues - "They are my besties!"

Dave focused his attention on Cassandra, who was behind the group watching the explanations closely. "Psss, hey, Cass." - he spoke softly, so as not to interrupt the conversation. Luckily she heard him, because then she walked gracefully towards her and jumped off the stage - "Dave! There you are.” - she approaches him, touching his shoulder caringly as he smiles - “How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling better thanks to your invite. I’m not overthinking at home.” - Dave looks around the auditorium, interested in knowing more about the play - “How's the rehearsing going?"

“Very well, actually! We are all feeling ambitious in doing our best. Of course, there is fun stuff happening in the middle, but we also need it from time to time to relax-”

“Leigh! Who is that guy?” - spoke the coordinator, staring at them -”Did your boyfriend come to watch?”

“He is not my boyfriend, Sammuel.” - Cassandra crosses her arms, feeling a bit annoyed - “Platonic friendship with boys exists, in case you didn’t know. And you are older than me, so you should know how to tell better jokes...”

“Calm down, I was only teasing you.” - he smiles - Your friend is more than welcome to watch the acting, as long as he does not reveal the dialogues and story to his classmates.”

“I won’t.” - says Dave, shyly.

“Good. Leigh, you can come back now to the stage as your friend sits in one of those chairs” - Sammuel points to the brown seats in front of him.

It's interesting watching the behind the scenes. Dave opened the schoolbag on his lap and took out the water bottle. Rita, the girl who Dave heard laughing earlier, was arguing with Cassandra. Or well, the characters.

“...I’m going to win the contest, Julia.” - she looked down to Cassandra, snobby - “If you were truly smart, you wouldn’t waste your time with this. You are going to fail miserably and be humiliated in front of everyone.”

“I refuse to accept your wish.” - she looks determined to the enemy. There is a long pause between them. Dave waits, anxiously to know what will happen next.

The snobby girl pulls out Julia’s necklace, in rage. The pearls fall down, breaking the silence of the tension. Cassandra looks around the auditorium, speechless, to make the scene more dramatic. Then, she fell on her knees, crying - “You are so evil! If you think this is going to stop me, you are… wrong.” - Cass pronounces the last word with poison.

“It’s perfect!” - shouts Sammuel, doing a sign to stop the acting - “The two of you improved this scene splendidly! The viewers are going to love this, oh that’s for sure.” - he whispers to himself - “And I’ll get a good grade for coordinating this teather play.”

Dave was preparing to get up when the older guy looked at him -”Hey you, what is your opinion?”

“I loved everything. I’m sure the theater play is going to be a success.” - he smiles as everyone is watching him mindfully - “I don’t know much about acting, but it seemed great from my point of view.”

“Hmm, good, good…” - Sammuel scratches his beard - “What is your name?”

“Dave Reyes.”

“Reyes, do you want to take part of our team? We are in need of a boy for our next theater play, and I think you are a nice option.”

#choices stories you play #choices pixelberry #choices fanfiction #choices most wanted #most wanted #most wanted 2 #dave reyes #cassandra leigh #most wanted dave #most wanted cassandra #choices most wanted fanfic #fanfiction #choices fic writers creations #fics of the week

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ellewritesathing · 4 years

Text

Infernal - V

Summary: In your sleepy little town of Greendale, nothing ever slept for long. And ever since October, everything felt like it was waking up. Everything except for you, that is. One teensy trip to Hell (and an infuriatingly cute guy) later and suddenly you felt wide awake.

Word-count: 4.1k+

Masterlist Prev. | Part 5

A/N: it’s been a rocky few days for me but!! here we are!! i hope you guys enjoy this 💕

Earth felt more otherworldly than Hell did when you got back. Roz and Dorcas were back to themselves, Lilith was nowhere to be found, and your lips still burned where they’d met Caliban’s. You’d had to put on a cool expression when you were with the others - no, you didn’t find anything, it was just a boring research session - but you let yourself feel as you stashed the sword and helmet.

Caliban had said they (and you) weren’t safe in Hell. Caliban. You’d kissed him. He’d kissed you. Caliban. You got tangled up in his hair. He got tangled up in you. Caliban. Even his name was pretty, rising and falling like a wave in the ocean. Caliban, Caliban, Caliban. The only problem was that you didn’t know if you were afraid to swim.

You hid your feelings away with the helm and the sword, and then shut the door on your cupboard. Taking a breath, you thought clearly for the first time since you’d gotten home about everything that had happened in the past few hours. Your head was clear enough to notice the sinking feeling in your stomach and how quiet the house was. Something was wrong with your dad.

You checked his room before tiptoeing to all his usual hiding spots. You circled back to find him curled up in his covers. You’d missed him the first time because of how messy the room was and how much stuff was strewn around him on the bed. Stepping around the piles of junk and trying not to notice all the broken glass, you knelt in front of the bed and put a hand on his back.

“Dad, what happened?” you asked as gently as you could. No reply. “Where’d Lilith go?” He wasn’t even blinking; he just stared straight ahead at the wall like you weren’t even there. Sighing, you changed tactics. “What happened to Kali?”

“They took her,” he said, voice sounding far away. Any sparks leftover from your trip to Hell were extinguished with that ghostly shell of your father’s voice. “I- I tried to stop them but … they dragged her out by her hair.”

Despite the bad lighting, you could make out a very nasty bruise forming around his eye and a split in his lip. Keeping your voice level and dropping your gaze, you asked, “Who were they?”

“The Dark Lord and his puppet.” The venom in his voice made you look back up. He was looking at you - staring at you - for the first time since you came home. You almost stopped breathing. “She needs help, little lily, but there's nothing I can do.”

“I’ll figure something out, okay?” you promised. “Get some sleep.”

Sleeping was easier said than done, especially when Sabrina sent a text about waning powers and a banshee outside her house. Your lack of sleep made the next day foggy, but you had a vague idea of what you needed to do: tell your friends about Lilith being your mom and then figure out what the hell happened to her when you were in Hell.

You tried telling Theo and Harvey the whole morning, but the words died on your lips almost as soon as you started to say anything. And Sabrina had the final challenge to deal with, so she wasn’t there to tell you to stop being a coward. Deciding just to bite the bullet, you leaned over in your chair and motioned for your friends to do the same. “Okay, so I know we all freaked out when Sabrina told us-”

“Shh! Settle down, children!” Mrs. Wardwell cut you off as she rushed into the classroom, closing the door behind her. “Please, I am not in the mood today for your foolish …” she looked around like there was a fly buzzing past her head. “Chitter-chatter.”

She had the exact same face as your mother, but the way she wore it was impossibly different. Always nervous, always scared.

You and Harvey shared a look while Roz and Theo exchanged some side-eye before each of you sank back into your seats. Your revelation would have to wait.

“Jeez, what’s wrong with her?” Theo whispered.

The intercom rang out with one of Mrs. Meeks’ announcements before any of you could answer. The carnival was inviting the entire town for their Final Night Festivities; free admission, rides, and caramel apples to anyone who came. And if that wasn’t unsettling enough, she kindly requested the four of you to report to the principal's office to collect some exclusive prizes.

You all knew that something bad was going to happen as you gathered up your things, but you didn’t exactly expect it to happen as soon as you rounded the corner in the hallway. The carnival ringleader stepped out and your breath hitched. This was the first time you’d ever actually set eyes on him, and he was terrifying.

Harvey was the first to react, shoving you and Theo to the side and yelling at you guys to run. Once he was sure the three of you were inside, he locked the library doors and shut off all the lights while the rest of you scrambled for places to hide.

“Lilith,” you whispered, closing your eyes to help you drown out the sound of Theo and Harvey’s bickering. “I don’t know where you are or if this praying thing even works, but get me and my friends out of here and we’ll talk about you training me, okay? Now.”

“Guys, shh!” Roz warned.

The doors to the library creaked open, but you weren’t in the library when you opened your eyes again. You were in an empty classroom. Why would Lilith bring you to an empty classroom?

“Seems I got to you just in time.”

The voice clearly did not belong to Lilith. Relaxing muscles that you didn’t know were tensed, you turned to Caliban. He wasn’t the same as before; he had a dark cloud of his own today. His face was hard and his eyes were cold.

“We have to go back for the others,” you rushed out, reaching for his hand and ignoring whatever was going on with him for the moment. He didn’t waiver from his spot. “Caliban, come on. What’s wrong?”

“You’d go back there, with Pan and the Gorgon, to rescue your friends?” he asked. Even his voice was cold, and he wasn’t answering your question.

“Yeah, of course.” Something was unshakably wrong, but that didn’t stop you from trying. You raised a hand to the side of his neck and softened your hold on his hand. “I’d go back for you, too.”

Something inside Caliban seemed to click and his gaze faltered, eyes falling down to your hands on his skin. So much had changed. “Your friends are across the hall. The hobgoblin got to them before anything happened to them.” He took a step back, out of your grip. So much was still changing. “I need to see to the final challenge of the Unholy Regalia.”

“Caliban, wait-”

And then it was just you and the leftover heat from the hellfire.

Cursing, you cut your losses with Caliban and bolted to the classroom across the hall. When you got there, Harvey was arguing with Robin. Clearly, you’d missed something. Clearly, they hadn’t missed you.

“-can’t just leave!” Harvey was using his I’m-not-yelling-at-you voice to yell at Robin. “We have to fight. We have to stop that from happening. We need-”

“Sabrina,” Roz interrupted. “We need Sabrina, we do. Except that I think she’s still in Hell.”

“Yeah, they’re still busy with the final challenge of the unholy regalia,” you said as Theo wrapped you in a hug. You tried to shake off the weirdness of your last interaction with Caliban. “I don’t know if we can get to her down there.”

It was quiet for a second before Roz bounced slightly and clapped her hands together. “We can use that magick marker of hers. The one that she used to IM Nick. It’s in her locker.”

“Do you know her locker number?” Robin asked.

“And combination,” Roz grinned.

You and Roz went to grab the magick marker from Sabrina’s locker while the others waited in Harvey’s pickup truck. After piling in and sending Sabrina a message, Harvey drove you all back to his garage to wait for her to answer. It didn’t seem like it was coming any time soon.

“Still no word back from Sabrina,” Roz sighed.

“What’s taking her so long?” Harvey asked.

“Harvey, we don’t even know if she got the message,” Roz said, leaning back and shaking her head.

Nick appeared in the corner without you noticing. You were so used to Caliban doing that that you didn’t even jump this time. “She didn’t, but I did.”

“That was meant for Sabrina,” Roz told him as you got to your feet.

“Well, that’s not how the magick marker works,” Nick said. There was a bite to his words. “And I wouldn’t expect her back anytime soon. Now, who needs help, and why?”

Before you got the chance to answer, Sabrina materialized in the corner. “Guys! You’re okay,” she said as she rushed in. She had the relief on her face of someone who was incredibly stressed but just had found their favorite chocolate bar at the bottom of their bag. “It’s not too late.”

“What do you mean ‘too late’?” Theo asked.

“And where did you come from?” you asked. If she was here, was Caliban still in Hell?

“The pagans are coming,” Sabrina said. “You have to come with me, now.”

“Okay, I don’t understand,” Nick said, grabbing her arm to stop her from running off again. “I just saw you walk through a portal at Dorian’s to beat Caliban.”

“You were right, Nick,” Sabrina said, shaking her head. “I let everything in Hell pull me away from what really matters: my family, my friends, and everything I love. But not anymore.”

She shut down any questions you asked and made you all hold hands. Sabrina said some words and in a flash, you were back in Dorian’s Gray Room. Zelda was lying on a table but bolted upright, shouting that she had the answers, almost as soon as Sabrina touched her.

But Hilda … she hadn’t resurrected yet.

One very inspiring speech from Zelda later and you were holding hands with Sabrina and the witches in a circle around the Cain Pit. Electricity coursed through you as Zelda called on the Triple Goddess, not just because it was a powerful moment but also because this was your first ritual. You didn’t want to stop that electricity.

The power you felt when Hilda’s hand shot up through the dirt was indescribable. You’d never felt that way before, but you were determined to feel it again. Helping the Spellmans with the town’s lullaby was a close second, but it was just a taste of the real thing. You wanted to know what you were capable of.

Getting rid of the pagans was the exact opposite of those feelings. You couldn’t chase them through the woods and hunt them for sport. It left a bitter taste in your mouth and made you feel sick.

What you needed was someone to show you how to use these powers, and despite everything you’d been through with your friends - or maybe because of everything you’d been through - there was only one person you could think of to help you.

And he was still in Hell.

At least, you thought he was still there. Sabrina was very vague about what happened to her in Hell, only that you didn’t have to worry about it anymore. She’d tell you if she won, right? She’d at least tell you if she’d taken Caliban up on his proposal - if that proposal was even still on the table, which you hoped it wasn’t.

You were driving yourself crazy. Standing still before you paced a rut in your bedroom floor, you took a breath. The necklace would take you to Caliban, wherever he was, but it wouldn’t bring you back. You grabbed the borrowed spellbook and took off the necklace. The shell was pretty, more shades of blue than you remember, and it made an equally pretty crunching noise as you ground it under your shoe.

The shell sucked all the air out of your lungs and darkened your vision. When it faded enough for your vision to return, you found yourself in a cold, dusty cave. The wall in front of you was carved with the names of Cassius, Brutus, and Judas Iscariot and the catacombs behind you were all dim and drafty. Either the shell was a bust or Caliban was skulking around these tombs somewhere.

“Caliban?” Your voice echoed through the tunnels and made your hair stand on end. Debating whether to take your chances in the tunnels or wait around and hope the best, you leaned against one of the carvings and thought about it. Wraiths or tunnel demons, wraiths or tunnel demons, wraiths or-

The cave wall started shifting under your side and you jumped back to the middle of the tunnel. Caliban stared at you under the Iscariot nameplate, looking equal parts relieved and distrusting.

“Here to punish me again, are you?” The distrust won out. He hadn’t seemed this cruel since that first day in Hell, putting on a show for the Lords of Chaos. At least then he looked cocky, now he just looked sad. “The imitations are getting better, Izamael, I’ll give you that.”

“What did they do to you?” you asked softly, reaching a feather-light hand to the side of his face. His eyes flickered at the touch and anger flared under the stone. “Hey, if you bite me, I’m going to set the wraiths on you. I don’t quite know how it works yet, but I-”

“How are you here?”

“Magic necklace.” You drew hand back and straightened up, folding your hand over your chest. “Your turn.”

“As it turns out, you can’t betray just anyone to satisfy the betrayer challenge,” Caliban said with a sigh. He was shifting under the stone and he looked pained for a moment. Did it hurt him to be like that? You didn’t think he’d tell you if it did.

“So they just stick you in here, then?” you asked. You looked around at the dark rocky walls and shifted uncomfortably. “Additionally, where is ‘here?’”

“The seventh circle of Hell, love,” Caliban answered. “You should get back to Earth. I’ll find you as soon as I can.”

“I’m not leaving you when you’re stuck in this stone,” you said. “How do we get you out of that?”

“I’m made of clay, remember?” Caliban said like it answered your question. He almost laughed when you rolled your eyes at him. “Now that I’m awake, I should be able to get out of this just fine.”

You didn’t understand how that worked, but you didn’t feel like arguing so you just nodded and took a few steps back to the cave wall. “I’ll be right here if you change your mind.”

“You shouldn’t stay here. It’s not safe.”

“Don’t get all martyr-like on me,” you said as you eased yourself down the side of the rocky wall. “I need your help to get out of here, Clay Boy.”

“I don’t think you need my help to do anything,” Caliban said, small smile on his lips.

Neither you nor the butterflies in your stomach knew how to answer that one, so you settled for trying to make yourself comfortable. The problem - other than just about everything about being in Hell again - was that no matter how you sat or laid down, there was always a rock poking into your back. Or a pebble sticking into your side. Or dust on your face.

With every twist and turn, your body went a little bit more numb and the tunnel became a little bit more bearable. You weren’t sure when exactly the whispers of the tunnel put you to sleep, but then someone reached out to wake you up and you bolted up to push them away.

When you saw it was Caliban, you slumped back against the stone. “Jesus, what are you-” you sighed and rubbed your face. “Where are your clothes?”

“Rather difficult to bring clothing through the minutiae of stone,” Caliban said. He reached out for you again and felt your neck for a pulse. His hands burned your skin. “Your heartbeat is slow. You’ve been here too long.”

“Next time I’ll just leave you with the wolves,” you said as you pushed yourself up a bit straighter. Your brain was pounding against your skull. “Can you take us back now?”

“It took most of my strength to break free of the stone, but I can recite the spell and you can repeat it,” Caliban said. “Can you focus on my voice?”

“I can focus on a lot of things, but I don’t know if I can do that,” you said. “I’m not- I’m not like you and Sabrina. I’m just … me.”

“And you are far more powerful than you think,” Caliban said. “There is something more to you.”

Something more.

Damn Caliban and his appeal to your sense of vanity. You nodded and listened carefully to the words of the spell before reciting them to the best of your sleep-deprived abilities. You had to repeat it before anything happened, squeezing your eyes shut and hoping for the best.

When you opened your eyes again, you, Caliban, and the spellbook were sitting on your bed in the dark. Your insides felt muddled, making you worry that you’d done something wrong until Caliban laughed next to you.

“I wasn’t sure that would work for a second there,” he confessed, still shaking his head.

You reached for a pillow and smacked him with it. “What do you mean you weren’t sure that would work?”

“I was thinking of all the places I could hide you until we sneak out of Hell,” Caliban said. He looked amused as you glared at him. He shook his head and collapsed back onto your bed. “Pandemonium was never an option, though with Lilith’s blessing … We could have gone to the Shores of Sorrow, but there are more places to hide in the- Why are you looking at me like that?”

He’d caught you thinking that he almost looked happy on your half-made bed and in your messy room. You bit your cheek and shook your head. “You’re getting dust all over my bed,” you lied.

“Dust,” Caliban repeated. You nodded again and he smiled to himself. “Where can I go to clean myself up?”

“Uh, down the hall and to the left,” you said, pointing in the direction he should go. “I’ll bring some clothes and leave them outside the door. Just, um, be quiet, okay? My dad isn’t the best with visitors.”

Caliban nodded, not pushing your flimsy excuse as he stood up and wandered out the door. He took all the air of the room with him, but at least it gave you a chance to think.

You had no idea how you’d explain this - whatever this was - to your friends. You didn’t know if Caliban would go back to Hell after losing the challenges. You weren’t sure what to do about your newfound magic. But you knew that Harvey left some sweats and a giant hoodie here for whenever he needed to get away from his family, so you dug them out and left them outside the bathroom door.

Your dad was still passed out in his room when you went past, upper body at an uncomfortable angle and lower body dangling off the bed. You tiptoed in and fixed his legs before shutting the door and heading back to your room. After a quick change and tidy up, you climbed under the covers. The cold from the tunnels was unshakeable, no matter how much time passed.

The door creaked open and you peeked around the blankets. Caliban hovered just inside your door, looking more unsure than you’d ever seen him in Harvey’s old clothes. He was too tall for them, too ethereal for your bedroom.

“Are you just going to stand there or are you going to come sit with me?” you asked, sliding yourself up to lean against the wall.

He tilted his head at you. “You’re inviting me into your bed?”

“I’m inviting you to talk,” you corrected. “But if you’re going to make it weird then you can take the chair.”

“The chair that is piled high with clothing and books?”

“Make. Your. Choice.”

Caliban shook his head and padded over to the side of your bed. He motioned for you to make space and got under the covers next to you. He sighed as he made himself comfortable. “What do you want to talk about?”

You looked down at your hands, choosing your words carefully. “Do you remember what the wraiths said before they came after us? What they called me?”

“The daughter of the winged and taloned demon of night,” Caliban said. “Names hold a certain power, especially a name like Lilith.”

Her name hung in the air, poisoning the space between you. You couldn’t tell if the feeling in your throat was anger or something softer as you looked up at him.

“How long have you known?”

One thing about Caliban that infuriated you was that he never looked away. Eye contact with him was both a personal invitation for something more and also a challenge. He never backed down from a challenge. Except now.

“When we met in Hell, I knew you weren’t entirely human but I only pieced it together later. Lilith is … softer towards you than she is to your friends.” He chose his words carefully, seemingly deciding whether or not to hold your hand. “The wraiths didn’t leave much room for interpretation.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

You watched his face carefully for any flicker of bad intentions. He didn’t change.

His voice was soft when he looked up and said, “I’d like to think so.”

You made the decision for him and reached for his hand, giving him a small smile as you tried to figure out what else there was to say. He beat you to it.

“I shouldn’t hope to know the way you feel about me,” he said, holding your gaze.

An invitation or a challenge?

“And yet here we are,” you said, deciding it was a challenge.

It made him smile, a hollow laugh escaping through his lips. You thought he was going to say something witty - keeping the back and forth going until it became unbearable - but in a swift movement, he untangled one hand and used it to cup your face. He kissed you and every part of you lit up.

He pulled away slowly, forehead resting lightly against yours. Your heart raced at the thought of what he might say. “You’re still very cold.”

You didn’t think he’d say that. “Uh, yeah, I guess. It’s from the tunnels.”

“Your soul drifted too far as you slept,” Caliban said. He cursed himself before repositioning as you stared at him. He nodded his head for you to lay with him and then placed his hands around yours. A shiver went down your spine. “Repeat after me.”

You wanted to argue that you weren’t going to say spells without knowing what they did, but you wanted to lie in his arms more. You repeated Caliban’s words slowly and watched as a tiny blue flame sparked between your hands. It grew until there was a ball of flames prickling your palms. White and blue, just like the necklace.

“This was the first spell I learned when I awoke on the Shores of Sorrow,” Caliban said softly. His breath tickled your neck as he did. “These balls of light were the only things that kept me company while the souls of the damned drowned. Now they can keep you warm.”

You turned your head to look at him and found him still looking at the fireball with a vulnerable sense of familiarity. It broke your heart. “You know, you’re a lot nicer than I first thought.”

He frowned and turned to face you as best he could without disturbing the way you tangled together. “Don’t call me nice.”

“What’s wrong with being nice?” you asked.

“Nice is what you call someone who lacks a spine or someone who wants something from you.” He leaned in close enough to kiss you, but instead he stole your breath to say, “You’d get bored of nice within an instant.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of you.”

Like a wave in the ocean.

Were you still afraid to swim?

Part 6

Tag List: @caliban-is-my-girl @t-a-i-l-o-r-m-a-d-e @music-movies @miss--moose @marrypuffsstuff @harryscarolinaa @igorsbby @foji2000 @mschfavngz @artaxerxesthegreat @thxmagic @luquincy @strawberriesandknives @xealia @hotmessindisguise @olivia-west-allen @sweetrogers @reheated-coffee @shelby-x

#caliban #caliban imagine #caliban x reader #infernal #chilling adventures of sabrina #caos #caos rewrite

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jawritter · 4 years

Text

You and Me...

Chapter 11

***SERIES WARNINGS**** Rape, non-con, male!rape, injury, violence, description of injury caused by rape, nightmares, self-harm, panic attacks, implied female non-con, language, ass hole Jensen, hurt!Jensen, dark fic, smut. If there is anything else I will add it as I go.

***Chapter Warnings*** Talk of nightmares/night terrors, light description of injury, language, I think that’s pretty much it for this chapter.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Jared x Reader

Word Count: 1777

A/N: Anyway, all mistakes are mine, please don’t copy my work, Feedback is golden. If you want to be added to the series tag list, or my tag list just let me know! I hope you enjoy this one. This is something I actually did and witness, and I realize this one might be hard to read because it is a little heavy.

Summary: It’s funny how one choice you made can change your whole life. One mistake can alter your course, and set you on a path that forever will haunt you. Two people find themselves getting through one of the hardest trials of Jensen’s life, on just one small promise. You and Me. We’ll get through it together…

Want more? Check out my Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***YOU AND ME MASTERLIST***

It had been roughly two weeks since Jensen was released from the hospital.

Physically he's doing a lot better.

He gets around pretty good now, normally even. It would be hard for anyone on the street to see that there was ever anything wrong with him when he walked by you. He'd become pretty self-sufficient pretty quickly. The bruises had mostly faded, only leaving the worst ones still a sickening yellow color. Most of the scratches and lacerations on his body had healed or were almost healed. Most of his strength returned to him.

On the outside, he looked fine, but it wasn’t the outside that had become the problem. As much as he tried to hide it. Even though the physical aspect of his attack had almost faded completely, it was the battle of the mind that was beginning now.

When you looked into his eyes something was still dead in there.

You learned pretty quickly that Jensen had a pretty passive-aggressive way of dealing with things. It was just what he hid behind, and you knew that, but still, it didn't lessen your concern for him.

You noticed him drinking more, and you were afraid that would become a very unhealthy coping mechanism.

The nightmares had gotten worse.

To be honest you would have characterized them as night terrors. Except they didn't just happen at night. You had learned just from watching him that these “flashbacks” could be triggered by a sound, or a smell, or even something someone says.

It wasn't something he could control.

He had started to go to his own house during the day some, but at night he always ended up right back with you. You were secretly glad. You didn't like the thought of his nightmares starting, and him beginning there all alone. Most of the time when he had one he’d either wake up violently ill or hysterical, there was no in-between.

He had taken his kids to the local zoo with Jared the other day on one of his visitation days with his kids. Because of his usual nightly problems he thought it was best that they didn't stay the night with him. Not something you really want you kids to see.

He had been back to the studio, using it you think as a distraction. That's not uncommon though, people use music all the time as an escape from reality.

The only good thing that had happened really over the past two weeks was that you had gotten a contract writing for a local publishing company reviewing transcripts, and technically you could work full time from home now. You did tell Steve and Jensen that you would finish Jensen's project through before you left. You were there when he started it, and you wanted to see the finished product.

This morning started much like all other mornings since Jensen had moved in with you.

You were sitting in the living room drinking your coffee. It was still very, very early. It was the weekend, so neither yourself nor Jensen had to work today. Still, your body is used to waking up so early, it had developed its own alarm clock. Therefore you were up at 5 am regardless of what you did or how late you went to bed.

Jensen was still sleeping soundly in the room the two of you now awkwardly, kinda shared. You were honestly afraid to touch him. Afraid it would trigger one of his flashbacks. So you slept as far away from him as you could in your king-sized bed, usually putting a pillow between the two of you so that you wouldn't accidentally roll over to him in the middle of the night.

It wasn't that you didn't want to be close to him. You wanted nothing more than to feel his arms wrapped around you as you slept, but you were pretty sure that he was not capable of doing that. He had told you in the hospital that there were some things that he wouldn't be able to do. Physical contact was one of them.

Not thinking about what you were doing a day after he moved in with you, you walked up behind him when he was standing at the sink and put your hand on his shoulder, throwing him into a violent flashback, that took almost an hour for him to come back from. That’s when you learned touching him probably wasn’t the best idea.

Sometimes he would reach over and grab your hand when the nightmares were really bad, he would let you sit next to him and run your fingers through his hair until he went back to sleep, other than that though that was it.

You were sitting lost in thought, the house pretty much dark, only the light from above the stove lightly lit the room. When your phone lit up next to you. It was Jared.

"Hello?" you say quietly careful not to wake up Jensen.

"Y/N? I didn't wake you did I?" he asked.

"No, I've been up," you tell, him running your hand down your face. Wondering why in the hell he was calling this early.

"Okay listen they caught Jensen's attackers. There were four of them... Plus Jennifer,"

That last part struck you hard.

"Jennifer? Really? Are they sure?" you asked, shock radiating through your body.

"Yeah. She was there through all of it according to her confession. Apparently, she gets her kicks off watching Jensen being raped and tortured, claiming that he owed her that much after what he did to her, when, come to find out the whole thing was a set up from the beginning. She thought she’d go on a date with him, get him drunk, maybe fuck him, get some side cash, and leave, but apparently, things didn't go the way she planned, and she got her family involved to “pay him back” for what the did to her." Jared Said through gritted teeth.

Your stomach churned. You didn't like talking about what they did to Jensen. Your heart just couldn't handle it. Especially seeing the reproductions that he was still dealing with from the whole ordeal.

"Did they all confess?" you asked, hoping and praying Jensen wasn't going to have to testify in front of a room full of strangers plus his attackers.

"Yeah, they all confessed. From what I understand there was so much evidence from the pictures that the hospital had taken, plus the doctor's reports, and DNA evidence that they really had no choice but to confess," he said, sounding just as sick about all of this as you were.

"He's not gonna have to testify will he?" you asked, holding your breath.

"No, not unless he just wants to confront them. Which I doubt he does. These perverts are going to jail for a very long time. The amount of evidence against them is overwhelming, and the police believe this isn't the first time they’ve done this to someone," Jared said.

It made you sick to think about there being monsters like this out there in the real world. People like Jennifer, who you’d never expect to be involved in something like this.

“Thanks for letting me know Jared, now I just have to figure out how to tell Jensen.”

“You can do it Y/N, he trusts you,” Jared said.

With that, the two of you got off the phone. Jensen would be waking up soon as you wanted to have this breakfast ready like you did every morning. You didn't know how you were going to tell him that they had caught his attackers. You hated even bringing up his situation with him. He would get so distant and quiet.

Not fifteen minutes later you heard the bedroom door open and Jensen made his way over to the small bar and sat down. You knew he had because you heard the chair slide across the tile. Your back was to him plating up his breakfast. When you turned around what you saw nearly made you drop the plate.

He was sitting there, pale, and crying silently; looking at his hands that were shaking on the bar. You sat the plate down and carefully walked over to him, surprisingly he reached for you. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him tightly to you. The two of you sat like that for the longest time before he finally spoke.

"I'm not well," was all he said, so quiet that you barely even heard him.

"What hurts? Are you sick?" you asked. Immediately thinking it had something to do with his physical injuries.

"No, not that," he said, then pointed at his head. "I'm not well."

That made your heart sink. This was the first time he’d admitted that he was struggling, even though you knew that he was, and honestly it scared you.

Had he gotten worse?

You had been trying to figure out a good time to bring up seeing a therapist, now seemed like a good time as any.

"Maybe we should make that appointment with that therapist that your doctor suggested to you," you suggested gently, afraid he would get angry.

"Will you come with me?" was all his said, no more fight in him at all.

"Yeah, I'll be there the whole time. Remember what I said in the hospital. We're gonna get through this. You and Me."

Jensen nodded his head and buried his face in your neck, wet tears streaking down his face, and onto your skin made your heart feel like it just wanted to stop beating.

You knew that suggesting a therapist may sound harsh to some people, but there was no manual on how to deal with something like it. No material to read to figure out a normal healing process, especially for man, and there was no way to know that you were doing this right or wrong,

All you could do was make small steps together, in hopes that you were both stumbling in the right direction in getting him better, and right now you had to go with what logically could help him, and maybe someone who was trained to deal with this sort of trauma.

Even though you knew this was probably going to be one of the hardest things Jensen ever had to do, he couldn’t keep all this bottled up, he needed a safe space, and a trained professional to help him.

Squeezing him as tight to you as you could you tried your best to ground him in this mess that he was going through, you promised you’d be right there with him, and you were going to keep that promise, no matter what you’d do it together.

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