#I CRAVED THE OLD SCHOOL EDITS I CRAVED THEM DEEPLY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

florenceandthemachine · 4 years

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cutting down the family tree

@buckleydiazs said:

High school au where Buck’s the sad lonely kid with the shit family and Eddie’s the popular captain of the wrestling team who makes it his personal mission to make Buck an honorary Diaz and convince him that he deserves nice things I am just saying

WOW this got a lot longer than I thought, so I abandoned the ask and put everything all up in here. Only barely edited, SORRY LMAO.

8.5k, Buddie HS AU. underage-ish if you squint I guess? tw for abuse.

Buck was good at going unseen.

It was a defense mechanism—his parent’s couldn’t get upset with what they didn’t realize was there—and it had only amped up once Maddie graduated. Once she went off to college, Buck had no reason to be a distraction anymore, to try and pull attention off of anyone; so he just got better at it. He could pick things up and set them down without a sound. He constantly walked on the balls of his feet. He even kept his breathing even, slow and low, whenever he wasn’t alone.

At home, Buck had gotten really good at—nay, he had perfected—the art of becoming invisible. So it only made sense that it translated to his school life, as well.

He got good grades—straight A’s—but only high enough to keep his grades at a 4.0, not high enough to earn Valedictorian, no AP classes, no crying over tests. Enough to ensure he would have opportunities after high school, but not enough to bring any student or teacher attention his way.

He worked out every day, and had for years, years of defending himself or defending Maddie meant he had to be in the best shape he could be in—but while his body was packed with lean muscle and quick reflexes, he drowned himself in clothes that were a size too big, making him look smaller, unassuming. He kept his posture slouched whenever he wasn’t standing to take a few inches off of his height, to the point that he could get lost in a crowd while you were still looking at him.

He didn’t participate in after school activities. He didn’t run for school president. He didn’t have a flashy car, a high status girlfriend, he didn’t show any interests that might make him friends or enemies.

Buck was invisible to absolutely everyone.

Well... everyone except Eddie Diaz.

Eddie Diaz, who was a senior, like Buck was, but was new to Pennsylvania, moving over the summer — who was 18, a year older than Buck, because he was held back in the third grade for fighting — Eddie Diaz, who had joined the wrestling team and made captain in an embarrassingly short amount of time (well, embarrassing for the rest of the team).

Why did Buck know all of this?

Because this was also Eddie Diaz, who, on the first day of Senior Year, locked on to Buck with laser-like focus, ignored all of Buck’s defenses, and apparently decided to take him on as a new friend pet project.

And much to Buck’s annoyance, he just couldn’t. Shake. Eddie. Off.

He definitely tried. He changed his walkways, he changed the bathrooms he used, he changed where he parked, he did everything except change his schedule—and Eddie was still there, keeping up mostly one sided conversations. The only time he had to himself any more was his free period, the time he spent in the school weight room, and never before had be been so thankful for that regular moment of peace.

Buck finally hit his limit one lunch period, spent huddling in the library, when Eddie sat down across from him. "Eddie, isn’t there someone who actually wants to have lunch with you? Some of your friends, or teammates, or someone who isn’t me?” Buck had asked, barely looking up from the text book he had been reading—he wasn’t a fan of the ‘mean’ route, but he was at his wits end. When Eddie paused, Buck actually felt hope rise up in his chest, that he would be alone again.

But Eddie had just leaned forward, made eye contact, and said “Nope.” with the biggest, shit eating grin Buck had ever seen.

Fine. It was less than a year. Buck could handle Eddie being around him for less than a year.

Buck could not handle less than a year.

Because Eddie, Eddie was nice. To him. To Buck, who had never said more than ten words to any other student since the day he started high school. Eddie was nice to him, and it was going to kill him.

It was going to kill Buck because he found himself wanting to be nice back.

Not that Buck was a mean person, because he wasn’t, but niceness was followed by friendship, and friendship was followed by attachment, and that was simply unacceptable as far as Buck was concerned.

... not that he hadn’t wondered, of course. He had always wondered what it would be like, to be able to hang out with friends, to have people come over to his house for his birthday, to have more contacts in his cell phone than the front desk of the gym near his house, his parents, and Maddie.

He had wondered, sure, but he had never missed it. He had never craved it. He knew it was more important for him to be on his own, at least for the time being—an attachment would make it that much harder to get as far from the east coast as possible when time came for college, and that was unacceptable.

But...

As he pulled in the parking lot, to a familiar spot near the back of the school, and saw Eddie waiting there for him so they could walk in to class together...

Alright, so he wanted it. So sue him.

“Buckaroo!”

Well, that was a good way to make him want it a little less, at least.

“Eddie, I’ve told you,” Buck said with an exasperated sigh, locking his car behind him. “It’s just Buck.”

(Eddie had called him Evan once. Just once. Once the blind panic had subsided, Buck had put a stop to that, real quick.)

“And I’ve told you,” Eddie said in a sing-song voice, “it’s a nickname. Nicknames are what friends do, remember?”

“Your words, not mine.”

Friends. Is that what they were? He rolled his eyes and shouldered his bag instead of thinking about it too deeply, but he couldn’t deny the spike of anxiety that rippled through him as Eddie started to ramble, falling back into the easy habit of talking for the both of them. He didn’t want friends. He just wanted to get out.

“...and so I told him...”

Besides, it wasn’t like Eddie actually considered him a friend. They had barely spoken—well, Buck had barely spoken anyway. There was no way in hell that Eddie actually cared about him, right? He had to have some secondary motive.

"and after that, she...”

But that was frustrating in and of itself. Buck had been so sure that Eddie was up to something, or had some ulterior motive, or but damn it if Buck hadn’t been able to determine what it was. None of Eddie’s little douchebaggy wrestling friends had approached them, Eddie hadn’t even tried to get Buck out of his comfort zone yet, he hadn't done anything, and somehow, that was even more frustrating.

“...just because Ms. Syzmaski’s a wrinkled old bitch.”

Buck let out a laugh, in spite of himself, as Eddie rambled on, shaking his head. Ms. Syzmaski wasn’t that bad, and—oh.

He covered his mouth as soon as he realized what he had done. He didn’t think he had laughed at all since Maddie left, and to have one pulled out of him so suddenly was a little surprising, to say the least—but as he turned to Eddie, beet red, he could tell that he wasn’t the only one surprised.

The look that Eddie was giving him, however, was the closest thing to “starry eyed” that Buck had ever seen.

“I, uh, I have to get to class. Bye Eddie.” Buck blurted as he turned and booked it down the hall, not quiet quick enough to miss the smile and the incredibly soft “Bye, Buck” that followed him.

Things only got worse as more time went on.

Better?

No, worse. Definitely worse.

Because Eddie could make him laugh, and the more time he spent with him, and the more he actually listened, the more likely those moments were. He was nice, too nice, on the rare occasion that Buck actually had lunch in the lunch room instead of hiding in a stairwell or the library, Eddie said goodbye to his friends and joined him kind of nice. The kind of nice that worked its way past Buck’s defenses, instead of breaking them down.

The kind of nice that made Buck actually want to open up, which, as he would never forget, was a dangerous kind of nice.

It was also, as he learned too late, the kind of nice that made him fucking cave in way too easily to Eddie’s whining.

“Come on, Buck,” he had begged. “I’m going to be failing Chemistry if I don’t get a B on the midterm, and if I fail chemistry, I get booted from the team. You have to help me.”

And like a sap, Buck had sighed in agreement, giving up a Friday night doing nothing to help the intellectually infirm (“Hey!”).

Wincing as he touched up the concealer on his cheek, Buck dragged his backpack out of the passengers seat of his car, giving an appreciative look up to the small, ranch style house that spread out before him. It probably said a lot about his own expectations if he already felt more comfortable in front of a row of little ranch houses than he would in front of his own house, but… well, that was just it. His house was a big, gaudy house in a neighborhood full of big, gaudy houses. But everything about where he was now—the sound of a dog barking, the smell of someone cooking on the grill, the fact that you didn’t need to ask anyone to buzz you in to a front yard—screamed home.

He didn’t think anything could spoil how light he felt—and that was certainly proven true as Eddie opened the door before Buck even had a chance to knock.

“Hey Buck, thanks again, you… uh, wow. You look, uh, great.”

It was a small surprise, but a nice one. He had ditched his regular, baggy, hiding-in-plain-sight clothes for a simple pair of jeans and a polo shirt, casual but comfortable, and he tried to ignore the smile tugging at his lips even as his face heated up.

“I mean, it’s nothing special, it’s just jeans and a—“

“Eddie! Bring your friend inside and close the door!”

It didn’t matter how he had tried to prepare himself, there was something about a parent yelling that would probably always cause Buck to tense up, and tense up he did. If Eddie noticed, he didn’t say anything, thankfully, just hooked his elbow in Buck’ as he yelled right back. “His name is Buck, Mama, I told you that!”

He tried to get his heart to calm down as he felt Eddie tug him to the doorway, his free hand clinging to his backpack strap for dear life, bracing himself as he walked into…

…something that could not have been more polar opposite of his own life if it tried.

Eddie’s house was smaller, sure, but it was homey in a way that Buck had only imagined or seen in Hallmark movies. He was all smiles as Eddie introduced him to both of his parents (he knew how important first impressions were, had had that beaten in to him from a very young age), but he found that it wasn’t fake—he was genuinely glad to be there. Even if it still threw him for a loop when Eddie’s mother had insisted on being called Helena, had shoved a tray of snacks into Eddie’s arms, and sent them to Eddie’s room to study.

“Go on, we’ll let you know when dinner is ready. Get your studying done.”

“Thanks, Mama.”

“And leave the door open!”

“Mama!”

Buck was only mildly placated by the fact that Eddie was blushing as brightly as he was.

Any concerns that Eddie wouldn’t be taking this seriously, or was just looking for a reason to hang out and fuck around, were quickly put to rest as Eddie pulled out his chemistry book. It was comforting to know that Eddie was just as serious about his grades as he acted, and it made things a lot easier—when Buck didn’t have to spend half of his time telling Eddie to pay attention or to focus, as he had feared, things moved at a pace he hadn’t anticipated.

Eddie was incredibly smart. That much was obvious from the get go. Chemistry just didn’t click with him, but that was easy enough to rectify—he just had to help Eddie see things from a different angle, to focus more on the process than the end result, and “seriously Eddie, would it kill you to take a legible note for once in your life?”

Buck had set to work on transcribing some of Eddie’s rushed notes into a legible format while Eddie continued to work on a few practice problems, and before Buck knew it several hours had gone by and they were both being called down for dinner, and… look, Buck had a live in cook for most of his life, but damn if Helena’s enchiladas didn’t blow them out of the water.

He found himself drawn into the family dynamics easily—Eddie had introduced him to his sister, Sophia, explaining that Adriana was out for the night, and they talked, bickered, poked fun, everything that Buck had figured was out of his reach for the longest time. He spoke when he was asked questions, and let himself engage in a few conversations, but more than anything, he just sat and ate and soaked up the delicious atmosphere.

Was this what a family really felt like? He didn’t think he had ever felt like this at home, even before Maddie had graduated, even before his father had started drinking. He felt something white hot burn in his chest as the night dragged on—not jealousy, or envy, something more dangerous, want. It seemed like a cruel joke, that someone so close to him got to have it all, while he had… nothing, but as he looked over at Eddie, his head thrown back in laughter at one of his mothers jokes until Sophia flicked a piece of corn into his open mouth and he sputtered, he wouldn’t wish the reverse on even his worst enemy.

The good part about Pennsylvania was that it didn’t matter what time of the year it was, it was usually cold. Cold meant long sleeves and sweaters to cover the arms, and long pants to cover the legs, especially as the sticky feeling of Summer turned to foggy breaths and dew, and Buck could breathe a little easier.

Just a little easier, though, because when you were tugging your hoodie down over your head to cover a black eye, you couldn’t relax. Not really.

He was usually so careful. He was usually so good about covering his bruises (hell, he was usually good at getting bruises anywhere other than his face), but the last time he had touched himself up, he had forgotten to cap the concealer and the entire tube had run dry. He was sloppy. He had been reckless and stupid and sloppy and now he was paying the price; because as confident as he would have been a semester ago about getting through the day with a shiner and no one noticing, the day now included Eddie.

He didn’t know if he could avoid Eddie for an entire day. What was worse, he didn’t know if he wanted to.

The day had started off pretty well. He took the train to school instead of driving so Eddie wouldn’t see his car. He was barely on time to each and every class to avoid Eddie in the halls. He ignored every text that came in—though he did allow himself a grin when Eddie sent him a picture message of his Chemistry test, a big 91 circled on the front of it. He even managed to find a new place to eat his lunch, one he was sure that Eddie wouldn’t know about.

And then everything had gone to shit.

He had finished his History midterm early, turned it in with his head down, and walked out of the classroom. His next period was his free one, so he decided to head to the gym early, taking a quick stop in the locker room to change into a baggy, long sleeved shirt, chucking his hoodie and his backpack in a locker before getting to the gym. There was only one other person in the room, back turned to Buck as he walked in—it was as good as it could get, and he sent a silent prayer up to anyone who was listening in thanks.

It was going to be a cardio day, Buck could tell—his right wrist was a little sore, and his shoulder too, and while thankfully neither of them felt dislocated it definitely wouldn’t be a good idea to try to lift weights. He could feel the tension bleed out of his shoulders as he started to stretch out his hips and legs, nearly ignoring the telltale buzz he felt at the base of his skull until it was too late.

“Buck! There you are!”

Buck bolted upright at the same moment as a hand clapped onto his shoulder, squeezing in the friendly way Buck had become so accustomed to—but now, instead of a familiar warmth in his stomach, it sent a bolt of pain through his body. He sucked in a gasp and jerked his body away from the pain, fists halfway up as he turned around, his body sagging when he saw Eddie standing opposite to him.

Eddie, who he had been avoiding all day, who’s multiple messages he had left on read, who now looked like he was face to face with a ghost. If he could imagine how he looked right now, he might have laughed—black eye, slumped shoulder, pale, panicked face. It was probably hilarious, even if Eddie didn’t seem to think so.

“Buck?”

“Hey, Eddie.”

“Buck, what... what happened to you? Is this why you’ve been avoiding me all day?”

The biting comment was on the tip of Buck’s tongue, to tell Eddie to fuck off, to get lost, but Eddie sounded so small and scared he couldn’t bring himself to snap. Instead, he offered a weak smile, shrugging his good shoulder. “Nothing I can’t handle. You should see the other guy, right?”

It probably was in poor taste to go for a joke, and Eddie’s dark expression only confirmed that fact, but what was Buck supposed to say? ‘Hey, no worries, my mom broke a picture frame so it was either let her get the shit beat out of her or take the heat?’ Yeah, no.

Suddenly, his face was in Eddie’s hands, and oh wow that was nice, and he had to work to keep from sighing as Eddie’s fingers went feather light over his skin.

“Buck, this wasn’t just a little love tap.” Hah, no, there was no love in it at all. “You know, I could teach you how to block a few hits. Some self defense.”

Buck laughed, humorlessly, shaking his head. “No, that’s okay. Not a lot of good there, I don’t think.” he shrugged, shaking his head, even as Eddie opened his mouth to protest.

“But I can—”

“Stop. Don’t worry about it, seriously.”

“Buck, I am serious. I’m really worried about you, have been all day.”

Buck had to swallow at that, his heart sinking, and he looked down as he weighed his options. Neither were good. But if one kept Eddie from worrying...

“...fine. On one condition.” Buck said, his voice a little thick as he looked back up to Eddie, who... well, he looked like he would do anything Buck asked at that moment, and wasn’t that an interesting swarm of butterflies in his stomach?

“You stop asking about how I got them.”

Eddie’s face did a funny kind of flip flop, but eventually, he nodded. “Fine. First lesson starts now.”

Buck sighed again as he thumbed the hem of his shirt, debating for only a moment before he pulled it off. The tank top he was wearing beneath didn’t hide a whole lot, but he figured Eddie had already seen one bruise, and had promised not to ask about the rest, so he didn’t think much could come from getting rid of the heavy, hot garment.

What would come of it, apparently, was Eddie gaping at him, eyes nearly bugging out of his head. Buck felt a sense of shame pool in his stomach, ready to put the shirt back on in another second—he didn’t think the bruises were so bad, but maybe—

“Buck, you’re—you’re ripped.”

What?

“How are you not on the wrestling team with me? Or the lacrosse team, or football, or... something?”

Buck blinked for a moment before he felt blood rush to his face. Oh. Oh. Eddie wasn’t staring because he was disgusted, or horrified, but because he apparently... liked what he saw. From a sportsman perspective. That had to be it. Right. He cleared his throat, willing the pink to die down on his cheeks. “Eddie, are you gonna teach me or what?”

Eddie’s eyes snapped up, wide as dinner plates, voice an active higher as he spoke. “Right!” He cleared his throat, shaking his head as he stepped closer to Buck. “Okay, so, if someone is going to come at you from the front, if they try and throw a punch, you just move the outside of your arm to knock the arm back, and—good.”

Buck didn’t even wait for Eddie to finish speaking, as soon as the hand was up he batted it away with perhaps a bit more force than needed, a thoroughly unimpressed look on his face.

“Okay, but then you need to follow through with a hit when they’re open. See—”

Eddie moved to throw a punch again, slow and painfully obvious, and Buck followed his instructions, pushing it away, and then... not doing anything. Eddie scowled, raising his hand again, and just like before, Buck knocked it away with the inside of his fore arm, trying to focus on the best point to hit to knock the hand away.

“Buck, you have to follow through. Blocking is great but you have to use the opening to hit back.”

Punch- block. Punch- block. Punch- block. Eddie started picking up the tempo, moving around Buck,

“I’m not hitting back, Eddie.”

Yeah, right. Buck hit back, and he’d probably get beaten beyond recognition. Pass.

“I can see that, but you have to. If someone is going to try and hurt you, you have to strike whenever you’re open. One good hit and you can run like hell.”

Punch- block. Punch- block. Where exactly was he supposed to run to? The living room? The kitchen?

“No.”

Eddie gave a quicker shot—still weak, but Buck ducked, pushing the hand away from him. This was actually proving to be pretty useful.

“Look, I get not wanting to hit someone, but you just need to daze them if you’re going to get away.”

“Eddie, I don’t hit back. That’s now how this works.”

“Well why the fuck not—”

“Because it doesn’t fucking matter!” Buck yelled, his tone taking himself by surprise, as did the heat that suddenly burned through his face. “It doesn’t matter if I land a hit or not, it doesn’t matter if I get hurt, as long as he doesn’t hurt anyone else!”

“He?”

The words hung in the air, heavy and dark, and Buck almost swallowed his tongue when he realized what he had said.

“Buck, who did this to you?”

“I have to get to class.”

It was too much. Buck swallowed as he turned around, abandoning his belongings in the locker room as he fled through the gym doors. He didn’t have to run far—thankfully he had his phone and wallet with him, which meant he had a train ticket—and only when he managed to throw himself between the closing doors of the Thorndale line did he manage to breathe again.

He pulled his phone out when the train took off, shooting a quick message to Maddie, asking her to call him out for the rest of his day.

Then he turned off his phone, put his head in his hands, and started to cry.

When Buck came to school the next day, he had his concealer on, and as far as he was concerned, the day before had never happened. He parked in his regular area, locked the doors, and tried not to sigh too heavily when he saw Eddie waiting from him.

He didn’t have it in him for a fight, but Eddie had both his hands up, and that was enough to keep Buck from running again.

For now.

“Look, Buck, I won’t ask details, but.... just tell me, are you okay?” Eddie asked, his voice slow and unsure, and Buck felt a frown creeping over his face in spite of himself.

He tilted his head as he looked Eddie over, brow furrowed. “You really care about me.” A statement, not a question, but Eddie nodded all the same. “Why?”

If the question caught Eddie off guard, he didn’t show it. Instead, he looked away, seemingly chewing over his words as he tried to answer.

"Because you’re worth being cared about, Buck.”

Buck hummed as he considered the answer, acting like it didn’t just rock him to his very core, and sighed as he opened his arms and pulled Eddie into a hug—Eddie seemed surprised, but pleased, and Buck didn’t have to wait long before Eddie was hugging him back, so gently and mindful of Buck’s body that he thought he might start crying again.

“So, it’s not just these rugged good looks?” he mumbled into Eddie’s hair, and Eddie groaned, shaking his head.

“Buck, please.”

“My charming personality?”

“Buck, please.”

Somehow, nothing changed, and everything did.

Eddie didn’t bring up the bruises anymore, possibly because they weren’t visible anymore, but he held himself differently around Buck—instead of grand claps on the back, he tugged at Buck’s elbow, instead of a teasing elbow to the ribs, it was a playful shoulder bump—all, Buck knew, things that Eddie could do without risking aggravating an unseen injury.

Any doubt in his mind that Eddie knew what was going on was dashed almost immediately, when Eddie intentionally steered the conversation in their little friend group (which was mostly the wrestling team, who had decided beyond all reason that Buck was okay) away from family matters. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together, and Buck was sure it was at least a little obvious when you got to know him where the bruises came from, but that was why Buck had been so hesitant to get to know anyone in the first place.

What was new, though, was the hand holding. It started off as Buck being led around, but then Eddie never really let go of his hand. Buck didn’t mind it, even though he felt he should—he was more or less dying for any physical contact that didn’t hurt, an itch he didn’t even know he needed scratched until Eddie showed up. But it was still... weird.

It wasn’t until later on, as Thanksgiving break loomed around the corner, when Eddie let his hand trail over his shoulders while dropping a burrito and chips from the Qdoba off campus did Buck start connecting dots.

Eddie was always a touchy feely guy, and it had only increased as of late.

Eddie had blushed when Buck took off his shirt—and for good reasons, apparently.

And now, Eddie was treating him to lunch.

They were all fine things on their own, but once was an accident, twice a coincidence, and three times, a pattern.

He swallowed his bite of burrito—the perfect order, even though he was sure Eddie had only asked him what he liked once, weeks ago—and derailed whatever train of thought Eddie had going in one fell swoop.

“...but if you look at the—”

“Eddie, are we dating?”

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting. A denial, maybe? Or another blush and topic change?

What he wasn’t expecting was for Eddie to nod his head, his smile a little wider, and then just continue on.

“Anyway, as I was saying—”

“No, hang on. We’re dating? This is like, a lunch date? You bought me lunch, because we’re on a lunch date?”

Eddie’s smile was so soft that Buck instantly felt at ease, even though he knew he was probably asking the dumbest questions of all time. “Yeah Buck, this is a lunch date. I didn’t want you to freak about it, but I knew you’d come to the conclusion eventually.”

Buck hummed as he reached over, stealing one of Eddie’s chips, chewing it thoughtfully before he rose his brow. “Well, this is a pretty nice first date, then.”

He tried not to be offended when Eddie snorted, raising his brow as he met the challenge.

“Buck, this is at least our second or third date. Our last date was me bringing you home to meet my parents.” Eddie said with a smirk, but Buck frowned, shaking his head.

“Wait, Eddie, that was forever ago. What was our first date then?” Buck asked, confusion written all over his face.

Eddie actually blushed—okay, Buck was officially never getting tired of seeing that—as he looked up, humming in a way that was probably meant to be nonchalant but definitely wasn’t. “Oh, uh, well I consider our first date to be the first lunch we had. Um, the one where I made the joke about Ms. Syzmaski’s wrinkly old ass?”

Buck was honestly lucky he had swallowed before Eddie spoke, because that would have been a spittake for sure. “What the fuck about that joke made you think of that as a date?”

Eddie was pink again and Buck had to physically bite his tongue not to goad him about it, but he was steadily getting redder as Buck waited. Finally, Eddie threw up his arms, sighing in defeat as he buried his head in his hands.

“It was... it was the first time I made you laugh, okay? That’s why it was so nice.”

Oh, that was cute. Fuck, that was so cute. Buck could actually feel his resolve start to give way, which was unacceptable on more than one level, and he took a breath as he steadied himself. “I’m not staying.”

Eddie look like he had been punched. “What?”

“I mean it. I’m not staying. As soon as I graduate I’m getting out of this state, hell, this time zone if I can.”

“Buck—“

“I mean it, Eddie, I can’t—can’t stay here. And I like, you, I really like you, but if you’re staying in state, you have to know that I won’t. Not for anything, so if that’s a dealbreaker for you, you should just…”

His lungs ran out of his air as he forgot to breathe, but it was probably for the best, Eddie taking the moment to jump in before Buck could continue freaking out. “Buck, what makes you think I’m staying?”

Buck swallowed, his thoughts completely derailed. “What? You just moved here, why would you be leaving again?”

“The only reason we’re here this year is for my dads work. He has a year long contract, then we’d probably be moving back to Texas, but even then, who knows? No offense, but I have zero urge to stay in this snooty, Ivy-League bullshit state.”

Buck spoke slowly as his brain tried to catch up with what Eddie had said, brow wrinkling in a way that Eddie was definitely going to remember to call cute later on. “So… you’re not planning on staying. And you don’t care if I leave either.”

“No, Jesus. All I want is for you to be happy.”

It probably said a lot about how much that simple statement shocked him, but at this point in his life, he wasn’t sure anything would sit as “normal” for a long time.

“Oh. Well, then, care to explain how we’ve apparently gone on three dates and you haven’t kissed me yet?”

Eddie lit up like a Christmas tree as he scooted forward on the bench, his eyes bright. “Are you sure you’re okay with it? I didn’t want to scare you off or anything—“

“Eddie, if you don’t kiss me right now, I swear I’ll—“

He didn’t get to finish his threat—which was mildly annoying—but the warm pressure of Eddie’s lips against his own drowned out any other objection he thought he may have.

He was almost late to class, his lips bruised in a way he absolutely loved, and he regretted absolutely nothing.

The day before they were due back in school from Winter Break, Buck had been planning on spending the entire day in bed, recuperating from the incessant display of familial togetherness that the holidays usually had brought. Eddie had been his one saving grace—near constant phone calls, texts, and snapchats had been the only thing keeping Buck’s temper low enough to avoid a few new bruises.

And, if the sight of Eddie wearing the simple leather corded necklace that Buck had gotten him for Christmas made his heart beat a little faster whenever he saw it, that was between him and God.

The past three months had been… alarmingly good, if Buck was being honest. If his home life had taught him anything, it was that the other shoe always dropped—so as much as he loved spending time with Eddie, as much as he loved their kisses, and rare dates, and holding hands in the hallway, as much as he honestly, truly thought he could see a life beyond high school with him, he was constantly, constantly waiting for that other shoe to drop.

Which was why, when Eddie called him at one o’clock on a Sunday, Buck let it ring a few times before he gathered himself to answer the phone.

“Hey, are you busy tonight? I want you to come over and meet everyone.”

“What do you mean, meet everyone? I’m pretty sure all of your family knows me by now.” That much was definitely true—Buck had been spending more time at Eddies than his own whenever he could help it, and while there was always someone out on an errand or at work or doing something else, he had participated in enough dinners, family calls, and video chats that he knew more of Eddie’s family than he did his own. “What, you have another set of siblings you’re hiding away from me?”

Eddie’s resounding laugh was a little too loud, a little too tense, just enough to spike Buck’s curiosity without making him fear the worst. He agreed easily after that, asking if he needed to bring anything, and made plans for a few hours later.

When he pulled up to Eddie’s house, though, it was almost unrecognizable. There were streamers tossed through the tree in the front yard, balloons tied to nearly every horizontal surface Eddie could see, and there were enough cars parked out front that Buck had to squeeze in behind a truck and a fire hydrant (and hope that he wouldn’t get a ticket).

As usual, Eddie met him at the door (Buck had teased him once about waiting by the window, and when Eddie blushed and didn’t deny it, Buck had gone in to full hysterical laughter), the obvious nerves he was displaying not enough to dissuade Buck from punching him in the shoulder. “Eddie, what the fuck! Is this a party? You told me not to bring anything, I could have—“

“Oh whatever, I’ll sign your name on my card, calm down.” Eddie said, like he wasn’t the bundle of nerves himself, leaning forward to press a kiss to Buck’s lips (which he accepted, of course, he wasn’t a monster even if he was annoyed). He easily succumbed to the whirlwind of introductions—aunties and uncles and people who were clearly of the Diaz family, and damn, Eddie wasn’t kidding when he told Buck he wanted him to meet everyone. Eddie’s nerves started to hitch back up as they made their way to the backyard, and Buck was about to call him out on whatever it was that was going on when Eddie beat him to the punch.

“Alright, you ready to meet the man of the hour?”

“Only if you’re ready for me to.” Buck said with a hum, smiling as Eddie’s face did some impressive expressive gymnastics. “Eddie, you’re wound like a damn spring. If you don’t want me to meet this person, or any of these people, I don’t want you to feel like you have to. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, yeah?” He said, bringing his other hand up to link with Eddie’s as well.

Eddie, to his credit, looked like the weight of the world had been lifted off of his chest, and he beamed as he leaned in to kiss Buck agin. “God, you’re perfect. Have I ever told you that? Well, probably not enough, but it will have to wait, because…” Eddie pushed through the back door and towed Buck along with him, where a circle of chairs were set up around a table stacked high with drinks, snacks, party games, and in the middle of it all—

“…because here’s the birthday boy!”

—was a high chair, fully equipped with a tray table, a soppy cup, and a baby.

A baby.

Buck felt every nerve, every tense minute, every rational thought melt in his body and turn into a warm puddle of goo at the very core of his soul, and his face must have reflected that fact because Buck was vaguely aware of two of Eddie’s sisters laughing at him, but who cared there was a baby and it was the most adorable, pudgy, perfect baby Buck had ever seen.

The baby quickly let out a high pitched squeal as his attention landed on Eddie, smacking his hands against the table in front of him, and Buck could not be held accountable for the noise that he made when Eddie swooped forward and undid the tray, pulling him out of the high chair easily, tucking him into an arm like he was a seasoned pro.

“Buck, this is Chris.”

And now Eddie was walking toward him with the baby, the baby who’s name was Chris, and Buck only waited for the barest hint of a confirmation from Eddie before he moved closer, cooing toward the excited little bean in Eddie’s arms.

“Today is Chris’ first birthday.”

Which, that made sense, he was still so small and pudgy but still so energetic, and Buck nodded along with the rapid fire babbling as he squeezed Chris’ little foot playfully, feeling more proud of anything at the peal of laughter Chris let out at that.

“Chris is my son.”

Well, that made sense, Chris had the same complexion as Buck did, and he was just as quick to smile, and even though his hair was lighter in color it was still thick and wavy, and—

Wait.

His brain caught up with his ears and yanked him out of his baby haze as he looked back up to Eddie, and oh, yeah, there was that nervousness that Buck had felt radiating off of him all afternoon. It seemed to echo around the yard, where there was conversation and laughter just a moment ago, everyone seemed quieter now, hushed, or maybe that was just the rushing in Buck’s ears. Things started fitting into place as Buck thought about it—how he had met all of Eddie’s immediate family, but not at the same time, probably because someone had probably taken Chris out whenever Buck came over. How Eddie so obviously loved his family, but still got a little awkward talking about them at times. Why Eddie had only rarely badgered him about going out after school, because he was spending most of the time himself with his son.

“This is your baby.”

“Yes.”

Oh.

“You’re his father.”

“Yeah.”

Oh.

“Eddie, he’s beautiful.”

Eddie sagged like a puppet with its strings cut, the tension bleeding out of his body, and the smile he shot to Buck was more open and honest than he had ever seen before. He could feel a collective sigh breathed around him as the voices picked back up, apparently approving of Buck’s reaction. “He really is, isn’t he? When he was born last year, his mom wanted to give him up, but… I couldn’t even imagine that. My parents stepped up and really helped me out, we took him home, and it was just… perfect. Like it was meant to be.”

Buck looked up with a smile as Eddie spoke, utterly entrapped in how soft he looked as he held his son, his voice low and slow as to not startle the curious kid safe in his arms. “When my dad took a contract up here, I thought it would be the perfect chance to start over, you know? I wouldn’t give Chris up for anything, but I could tell teachers were going easier on me, boosting my grades, and I didn’t know if it was pity or… whatever. This was the chance for me to prove I could do it. You, uh, you’re the only one outside of my family who even knows.” Eddie said, and Buck had to physically bite his tongue to prevent himself from gushing.

“He’s perfect, Eds. You’re perfect. I’m… I’m really honored you told me.” Buck said easily, leaning forward for another kiss, mindful of the giggling body between them. “But if you think I’m going to let you forget that you told me not to bring anything to your baby sons first birthday, you have another thing coming, I can’t believe you didn’t let me get a gift or something—no, seriously!“

Eddie let out a groan as he leaned forward into Buck’s bickering, the sudden lull in the party long since forgotten as the night carried on.

The other shoe always dropped, though, and Buck 100% blamed himself for not seeing it coming. Hell, he 100% blamed himself for letting it happen. He had become complacent, he had let his guard down, Eddie had wormed his way into Buck’s heart and showed him how good things could be, and Buck had dared to believe him.

Buck had had hope, as stupid as it was, and now, here he was, standing at Eddie’s door, knocking at the wooden frame, begging, pleading for him to open the door—he didn’t realize how much he loved Eddie always meeting him at the threshold until it didn’t happen, until he wasn’t sure if Eddie was going to open the door at all, until he didn’t know what else he could do.

As it was, Eddie wasn’t the one who opened the door. It was Helena, who he had just spent the day with, and the sound she had made when Buck came into view was unholy.

The day had started off so well, too—Eddie and Buck had both been accepted to Texas A&M (while Buck’s pre-acceptance letter had come almost a month ago, he still waited until Eddie received his to even open the envelope), and Eddie’s parents had been so thrilled with him—with both of them—that they had insisted on treating everyone to breakfast before cheering Eddie on at what was likely the last wrestling match of the season (because as great as Eddie was, the team as a whole sucked).

Helena had forced him into a “Team Diaz” shirt, and Buck looked at himself probably a little too long in the mirror, tracing the name over his chest—if anyone noticed, no one said anything, though the smile on Helena’s face told Buck all he needed to know. Eddie, on the other hand, had absolutely lit up when he saw them all in the stands, his gaze lingering a little too long on the word Diaz splayed across Buck’s chest, and the look he gave Buck when they locked eyes again was nothing short of sinful (Buck was glad that he had been put on Chris duty—holding a baby was probably the only way he was able to distract himself from the sight of Eddie in spandex).

So, it didn’t come to a huge surprise when Helena opened the door and let out a sound that would have pushed him over the edge, had Buck not already been crying.

Well… halfway crying. He was only really tearing up in one eye, the other was too swollen to do anything more than squint.

His front was covered in blood, the “Team Diaz” stained red, his lip split and swollen and his cheek covered in bruises. It was probably for the best that his left eye was swollen shut, because blood was leaking around it from a split in his eyebrow, so he probably wouldn’t have been able to see anyway. Beyond the lip and the eye, though, the biggest concern was his nose—he didn’t think it was broken, but it was still sluggishly bleeding, and it just wouldn’t stop.

Helena pulled him into the house and immediately started barking orders (“Adriana, bring Christopher to the nursery and put him in his playpen. Sophia, tell Edmundo to get home right now, his Buck has been hurt. Ramon, give me the first aid kit.”), steering Buck easily to the back yard as the rest of the family scurried around.

By the time Eddie got home, Buck had been mostly cleaned up—or, at least, his nose had stopped bleeding long enough to mop up most of the blood on his face, and Helena had taped the gash on his brow closed with butterfly bandages, and had a cold compress pressed against his face. Eddie looked wild, his eyes wide and face unforgiving as he kneeled next to Buck, and if Buck had any tears left in his body he probably would have started crying again as Eddie cupped the uninjured side of his face.

Buck knew that Eddie was trying to find words, but he also knew there were a hundred wrong things to say at that moment, so he took the step for both of them.

“My dad found out about us.” There was no sense in sugar coating it, no sense in leaving the bandaid on too long, he just had to rip it off so they could move on. “Apparently he didn’t much like the idea of his son not carrying on the family name, he… didn’t take it well.”

Eddie let out a sound that could only be described as someone breaking, and Buck blindly reached for his hand, feeling something burn through his chest, deciding then and there that he wouldn’t let another ounce of his father hurt Eddie the way it had hurt him. “But you were right. One block, one hit, all I needed to get away.” His tone had soured into something dark and sticky, good eye burning as he remembered Eddie’s little self defense lesson, all those months ago. He could tell the moment that Eddie’s mind reached the same conclusion, and he scrambled to look at Buck’s hands—there were some bruising around his right knuckles, but that was it.

One punch, that was all he needed.

One punch, and just like that, he had left everything behind—his phone, his car, his father bleeding from what Buck could only hope was a broken nose, coughing and sputtering on the entryway floor. The only thing he had on him was his wallet and his hoodie, and even the latter was tossed into the trashcan as he got off the train, too thoroughly wet with blood to be of any good at keeping him warm.

Instinctively, he had gotten off the train and trusted his feet to take him somewhere he knew he would be safe. He had finally realized that that place would never be with his family, would never be his house. His house would never be his home.

“Eddie…” Buck started, his voice thick with emotion. “Eddie, I… I don’t want to go back. I never want to see them, ever again. I’ll call up Maddie, I’ll… I’ll do something, but I can’t go back there, ever.”

Eddie looked like his heart was breaking; but before he could open his mouth and tell Buck off for considering going anywhere else, Helena spoke again.

“You will do no such thing.”

Her voice soft but hard as steel, leaving no room for argument, and Buck looked at her with pleading eyes (well, eye) as she shook her head.

“You will not be going back there. I have half a mind to drive over there right now and—no. I will do everything I can to make sure you never have to see them again.”

Buck could feel himself sag in relief, a breath he didn’t know he had been holding coming out ragged and raw, even as Helena continued.

“And Buck, I don’t know Maddie, and I’m sure she would be happy to help you out however she could, but. I would never let another Diaz out onto the street. Never in my life.” She said, and Buck had to swallow when he realized who she was talking about.

They considered him a Diaz?

“So if you would really be happier, or safer, we can get in the car and I’ll bring you to your sister tonight, but it’s just a few months until you and Edmundo leave for college anyway, and—“

“Please stay. Please. God, Buck, please, at least stay with us until you heal up a little. Please.” Eddie had apparently had enough of his mothers talking in circles, his voice shaking as he spoke, and Buck’s shock must have shown on his face because Eddie looked like he was going to start crying again.

They really considered him a Diaz.

He wanted to question it, to object, to do anything to prevent himself from being in their hair, but just like it was the first time they had lunch together, Eddie had worked his way too far past Buck’s defenses, and apparently, he had brought his whole family with him.

Buck barely had to nod before Eddie had him wrapped up in his arms, tight, and Buck returned the favor easily, seamlessly, his head buried in Eddie’s neck like he belonged there.

The thought resonated as Helena went back inside, letting the two of them have their moment; though, just a moment, announcing that it would be a lovely night to have dinner outside on the patio. It bounced around his head as Eddie kissed his cheek when they passed each other with plates and glasses, setting the table beneath the string lights in the yard, the spot on his cheek tingling long after the contact had broken. It took root when Buck found himself laughing, sitting easier in his own skin than he had ever done before as Eddie tried to justify whatever foolish thing he had done in Ramon’s story, failing miserably, his hand laced tightly with Buck’s beneath the table.

Maybe this was where he belonged.

For the first time in years, Buck saw something that was worth holding on for, that was worth keeping and protecting and letting grow.

For the first time, he had hope.

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 #buddiefic #911fic #highschool au #christopher diaz #tw: abuse #flospeaks #8k #fic #god this got long #I don't know if I like it but I needed it to be out of my brain so #there you go #mutually assured devotion

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sidigtal-anim · 4 years

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The Ultimate “Adrien is a Sentimonster” Collection

This might sound crazy, but it’s a definite theory and has backing from the show itself. It explains a lot of unresolved questions, and there’s foreshadowing for the show.

(NOTE: This post was last updated on 30th October 2021, the day of the US premiere of 412 “Crocoduel”. Edits with more information may be subject to be added or rectified based on new evidence in-show episodes/specials released.)

SETUP

In “Feast”, Master Fu made his own Sentimonster for his reasons, and caused the destruction of the Temple of the Monks. He detransformed and ran with the last copy of the Grimoir and the last box of Mirauculous.

Fu safely jumped over the canyon and Feast fell into the lava, thought to be dead. Master Fu picked up all the Miraculous in the snow, but the Butterly Miraculous, Peacock Miraculous, and the Grimoir. All fell down into the canyon below.

Many and many after the events, Gabriel and Emilie travelled to Tibet. They found the two Miraculous and the book. Before the events of “Origins”, Emilie used the Peacock Miraculous for something, and died/fell into a coma, setting off the stack of dominos to fall into place for the current show: Gabriel becomes Hawkmoth, Fu needs allies, Marinette and Adrien are given their Miraculous. But the question still remains, what did Emilie use the Peacock Miraculous for? And why did she use it even though there was no need for a villain or a hero of the Miraculous?

Why did Emilie use the Peacock Miraculous?

The main theory is Gabriel and Emilie wanted a child, but they couldn’t have one. Either due to their biological make, or they had a child, but he ended up dying. In their anguish, they made another child to replace him. It may seem to be a genie trickery wish, since

Why is the Peacock Miraculous damaged? How do you damage a Miraculous?

The creation of Feast is what broke the Peacock Miraculous. A Sentimonster existing beyond the time the Holder is transformed and stayed for too long, and the Amok doesn’t return back or de-evilised exerts too much pressure on the Miraculous itself. That initial Sentimonster creation caused Emilie to fall sick and eventually become her current state.

Gabriel is overprotective of Adrien.

The main relationship between Gabriel and Adrien has always been seen as problematic: a “single” father constantly neglects his son of any familial love and affection, even prohibiting him from going to school and outside his usual full schedule for friends outings because he’s overprotective of him.

Now the surface level explanation is that Gabriel is protective of Adrien because he lost Emilie. Why would he be overprotective of Adrien if “Feast” confirms Emilie is harmed by the Peacock Miraculous? I don’t see Adrien going, “Dusuu, transforme moi!” (”Dusuu, spread my feathers” for you English dub viewers.)

We know an Amok and Akuma can remain active even after the Holder has detransformed, and Sentimonsters can be Akumatised.

“Feast” proves it with the Peacock Miraculous, and “Startrain” has proved the same for Hawkmoth. This is something very specific to the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous, since Ladybug’s Lucky Charm (“Oblivio”) disappears when she detransforms.

We see that Feast can be Akumatised, so it makes it possible since Chat Noir/Adrien was also Akumatised seven episodes later in the production order. So there isn’t some kind of Akuma block when Hawkmoth would try to Akumatise Adrien.

Adrien is perfect.

This is something absolutely hammered in the show. Adrien is so perfect and nice, it feels almost inhumane how such a person can exist. We see the show from Marinette’s perspective, but Marinette hasn’t seen the scenes we see with Gabriel being Hawkmoth or even Adrien’s rare physical interactions with people when she’s not present at the same time.

“It is dangerous to misuse the Miraculous.”

This is a repeated statement. Hawkmoth and Mayura both misuse their respective Miraculous; they misuse it for evil and villainous deeds rather than the intentional heroic purpose.

Adrien is allergic to feathers.

Do I need to explain?

Ties into the Season 2 plants for Adrien’s death.

Quite a few episodes in Season 2 foreshadowed Adrien’s death. In “Frozer”, Ladybug tell Chat,

“I can’t imagine a life without the boy I love.”

In “Catalyst (Heroes’ Day - Part 1)”, Chat Noir fake dies in Volpina’s illusion. There’s more, but this isn’t the “Dead Adrien” post.

These plants (film terminology for pieces set in place. Think of it as a Chekhov’s Gun or something that foreshadows an event.) set up in Season 2 fit together with Sentimonster Adrien since he’s not ‘alive’, but he is living. Tomoe could have more information on this than she’s shown to know.

Gabriel’s affiliations with Tomoe Tsurugi (Kagami’s mother)

Tomoe and Gabriel are quite close, to an extent where Kagami is the only real person Gabriel will let Adrien talk to generally. Like in “Animaestro” or “Backwarder”, where they are intentionally spending time with one another.

In “Feast”, we get a brief glimpse of Tomoe when the news reporter talks about the Order of the Guardians’ temple. Suspiciously placed between people extremely related to the Miraculous.

Nathalie’s sickness is happening so fast.

Nathalie and Emilie are confirmed to have the same sickness, but Nathalie’s health is deteriorating quite rapidly. Quickly becoming deadly and affecting her day to day activities. (”Feast” and “Ladybug” both show her illness causes ‘disruptions’ to plans scheduled.)

One more piece of evidence is the theory of Emilie’s illness being slower than Nathalie’s. The effect of Fu’s Sentimonster affecting Emilie, but Fu’s Sentimonster and Adrien both affect the Miraculous, damaging it further. This makes her state worsen.

Hawkmoth/Gabriel has never said explicitly that he will wish his wife back to life/consciousness.

He has said in the opening minutes of “Chat Blanc”:

“Emilie, I miss you every moment. But one day, I will get the Miraculous of Ladybug and Cat Noir, repair the mistakes of the past, and make sure you return to us.”

It’s even shown in “Party Crasher”, right after he hangs up on Nathalie to harvest the butterflies.

“Emilie, we miss you so much. But you'll be back with us very soon. Thanks to my akumas, it's only a matter of time before I take control of their Miraculous. Merging them will grant me absolute power to reshape reality, and finally reverse our past mistake.”

In “Catalyst (Heroes’ Day - Part 1)”, Nathalie and Gabriel spoke in front of the outside Emilie statue.

“You made a promise to your wife. You’ve risked so much for the chance to bring her back.”

And even though it isn’t as explicit as the previous two, it proves Emilie knew she was dying/losing consciousness. So she had some agency over what happened to her, so she knew she was dying and made Gabriel promise to bring her back.

This means Hawkmoth’s wish could be to make Adrien a real boy (a la Pinocchio).

Bugette Sentimonster (”Ladybug”)

It’s quite random how Bugette has her own consciousness when Ladybug gives her Amoked object back. The show has done many random things (Space Dumpsters, Car Hologram Gabriel, Mayor Lamp), but it seems very intentional that Bugette had her own consciousness. All of these objects were mentioned in passing, and that was it. Bugette was talked about after the episode, and it emotionally affected both Chat and Ladybug. She was spoken about more than just a moment.

This is the first and only time we’ve seen something like this happen at the moment (hiatus between S3 and S4), and the additional information the Peacock Holder can intentionally alter the physical design of the Sentimonster. Usually, Sentimonster are affiliated with another character or their reason for Akumatisation.

In “Miraculer”, August creates a lollipop Sentimonster because of his craving for lollipops. Even in “Reflekdoll”, Juleka creates a Doll Sentimonster because of her affiliations with fashion and standing out. Feast itself even had the symbol of the Order of the Guardians on its face. Hawkmoth has his Butterfly Sentimonster with him.

On top of all this information, Adrien was the one who was most anguished about Bugette’s death. Ladybug was upset as well, but Chat was in (or at least) showing more pain than her.

We have no concrete exposition on Adrien’s childhood.

This is very similar to a very specific Steven Universe reveal about Steven’s mother. There was a character she deeply trusted who wasn’t allowed to reveal the information, and therefore we had no exact backstory to the character until after the information was revealed.

Adrien is in a very similar position, where we have no backstory on him. There are no baby pictures of him, he doesn’t talk about being a kid, and the class didn’t even know him until he came to school. Kim (out of all people) even confirms this in “Félix” where he says,

“Truth is, we’ve only known him since he came back after the summer.”

This is the biggest evidence of it being Genie wish, where they wanted a child, but it was a teenager and they couldn’t alter it because their form would be permanent.

There are only a few canon things we have a grasp on Adrien’s past: Chloé, a drawing from “The Collector”, and Adrien’s childhood in “Wishmaker”.

Chloe has always been the only friend from Adrien’s past. She never says anything explicitly and concrete about their relationship in the past, or even talking about their exact age of when Adrien and her first became friends. She only says things like, “Oh, Adrikins! You’ve always been like that.” It’s never something huge about, “Oh, Adrien! Remember when you ________ when we were ______ years old?” No. It’s always relating to Adrien’s actions instead of his past.

In “The Collector”, when Gabriel is destroying random objects in his office to trick LB and CN into thinking he was angry and got Akumatised by ‘Hawkmoth’, he looks inside a cupboard and takes a framed picture of Adrien’s stick figure drawing with him holding his mother and his father’s hands. This shows he made a drawing, but there’s no real explanation for what age he was. He could have made that when he was figuring out how to be a human, or even when he was recently young. It doesn’t give us exact age or even any kind of concrete information on him and his past. But this can be tied together that it is original Adrien’s drawing (the one that died then came back to life) and then Gabriel keeps it as a memory of them.

This is further confirmed in “Wishmaker”, where Adrien says he doesn’t remember his childhood dreams. And when he does get hit by Wishmaker’s power, his dream as a child was “to be what [his] parents wants [him] to be.” The direct line of action referencing his birth, and being controlled by his parents, who were his creators.

To have an Sentimonster or an Akumatised person, an object must be Akumatised or Amoked. So what would the Amoked object be?

Let’s revisit “Félix” for a hot second: Félix and Amilie’s main aim in the episode are to retrieve the Graham de Vanily rings. Gabriel is very adamant to give them back to Amilie, even refusing her fully. Félix ends up stealing one of the rings from his hand, which Gabriel is noticeably furious at him for doing so.

The episode puts an obviously huge focus on the importance of the rings, but explains nothing but hopes for their return in upcoming episodes. These rings are important to Gabriel, possibly his connection to Emilie, but it could also be one (or both) of the rings are the Amoked object for Sentimonster Adrien.

There’s no other explaination for why else they are important, with the other theory of the rings being Miraculous. It makes sense, but doubtful since Master Fu had all but two of the Miraculous, and Gabriel didn’t go to Tibet to retrieve the other Miraculous from Tibet.

One scene followed up on this was the ending sequence in “Mega Leech”, where Gabriel and Adrien start to have a heated discussion before Gabriel sends Adrien to his room. As Adrien walks up the stairs, Gabriel twists his ring on his finger. Again, we have no idea what this could mean, and we have no idea what the rings actually are.

The big question is “was it both the rings, or just one?” The answer can be yes or no. In 412 “Crocoduel,” where one object can be akumatised, but if broken in half as it is akumatised, it must be repaired back before it can be freed of the butterfly.

And that’s all the information we have as of now. It could be that these plants are meant for something adjacent to this, but the evidence currently is overwhelming.

TL:DR - Adrien is a Sentimonster because he’s perfect. Emilie wanted a kid. Fu messed up. Gabriel is crazy. Chloé don’t care about no exposition beside hers. Nathalie is a sick, dying woman and murdered Adrien’s cousin. Félix and/or Gabriel hold Adrien’s lifeline.

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hillnerd · 4 years

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Put a Sickle in the Swear Jar

Written for @romioneficfest - thx to @abradystrix for editing Rating: PG AO3 ff.net Summary: Ron is having one of those days… (bit of a post-Hogwarts domestic day in the life) triggers: blood, allusions to Ron and Hermione doing it.

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Ron let their dog Chudley into the back garden, then collapsed onto the sofa with a heavy sigh. The shop had been unaccountably busy for a Thursday, and almost half their staff were out sick with Fwooper Flu, including George. He had a few investor meetings, a Ministry contractor for their Defense products, and had to simultaneously man the floor of their flagship shop so it wouldn’t be a complete disaster when his meetings convened.

As it always was when a shop was lean staffed, his work shift produced the worst customers in the world. Each was ‘talk to the manager’ types: high maintenance and generally unpleasant.

The very worst was a dad who had let his terror of a four-year-old go wild through the shop. He started his visit by setting off five decoy detonators in the potions aisle, then poured love potion into the pygmy puff enclosure, and ended it by licking the outside of the glass case full of sweets.

The kid’s dad had a ‘never tell your child the word no’ policy in place. He made quite a stink when Ron dared to use the dreaded word to his child when the blighter sprinted around the shop and nearly toppled a full display case of fart sprays. Ron was only lucky they had left the shop by the time his meetings started.

He had to do his meetings on the sales floor, but it gave him a chance to show off a new prototype. He set the Secrecy Spellorator down and it created a field about two meters wide where no one could hear them ‘plan mischief.’ It even turned the volume down to noises outside the field ‘so as not to distract you from your pranking plans.’ Ron explained its alternative uses for Defensive magic and overcrowded offices, and given the way their eyes lit up, Ron could tell the pitch had gone well.

Now all he wanted was some beer or a long nap, neither of which he had proper time for. He needed to pick Hugo up from school and figure out something for dinner. He languidly pulled his arm up to catch the time. Ugh, five minutes more and he might be late.

He slumped up the steps, changed from business robes into his much preferred Muggle clothes, and let the dog back in, before Apparating a few streets away from Hugo’s school. When he arrived, a few of the mothers were gathered and chatting about an upcoming event.

Maybe if he looked busy they wouldn’t try to rope him in… He fished in his pocket for his sporadically used mobile, but realized he’d forgotten it at home.

In moments he was surrounded.

“Ron! We were just talking about you! Weren’t we, Claire?”

“Yes!” she answered with an enthusiastic clap of her hands. Whenever they were talking about him it usually meant manual labour was needed. “We’re doing a school fundraiser the fifteenth and could use your help setting things up. Also, could you bring your bakewell buns? We’ve all been simply craving them since last year!”

His brain went horribly blank of excuses, but he was saved from having to answer by his son.

“Dad!” Hugo cried from across the schoolyard, a giant grin splitting his freckled face. Ron waved at him but blanched when Hugo started running. His overly large backpack wildly swang from one hand, while his puffy jacket flailed like a flag caught in the wind from his other. Ron could see disaster looming.

“Don’t run, Hugh!” Ron hollered. As if time had slowed he watched in horror as the strap of Hugo’s backpack caught his foot, sending the seven-year-old flailing. Normally Ron could have prevented a painful crash with his wand, but with all the mums about him he couldn’t pull his wand out in time.

Hugo face-planted straight into the ground, his giant thud pulling a chorus of high-pitched gasps from the mothers.

Ron sprinted to his son who was whimpering and not moving.

“Shhh now, you’re okay, little man,” Ron said, trying his best to sound calm as he removed the backpack from around Hugo’s ankle and turned him over.

“Oh shit!” Ron let out. His son’s large brown eyes filled with tears, and his mouth overflowed with blood. His chin looked to be split open as well. “Merlin! Er, okay, Hugh, we’re gonna get you to a healer, but I need to carry you ‘round the corner so the Muggle mums don’t see us Apparate, okay?”

“You- you g-gotsta put a sssickle in the sssswear jar,” Hugo managed to lisp, before breaking into a wail as he saw the blood hit the ground.

Ron scooped up his son, somehow managing to hold the backpack and jacket as well.

The mums all had a variety of questions as he tore down the street, but he simply yelled over his shoulder that his car was round the corner. Checking about him, he Apparated them to St Mungo’s waiting room.

He vaguely recognized the lady behind the check-in desk. Her glare jogged his memory. He might’ve yelled at her a year or two prior…

“My- my son. He fell, and —”

Her glare softened after noticing Hugo’s cries and the blood soaking through Ron’s jacket. Cleared of blood by the healers Ron was infinitely grateful to not be Muggle. Chipped teeth, split lip and lacerated chin… The kid was a mess! Hugo was healed in just a few minutes, leaving him with only a small plaster for his chin he’d need with a topical ‘scar-begone’ potion for a few days.

“Do you have any plasters with brooms on them?” Hugo asked, feet kicking against the exam table.

The healer shook their head.

“Trains?”

“Just beige, I’m afraid,” the healer said with an apologetic smile.

“Dragons?”

“Hugo, we have some at home,” Ron said, knowing Hugo would continue to name things if he wasn’t stopped. “Plus we have some ice cream with your name on it!”

Hugo let out a cheer. They took the Floo home, as Ron was far too tired and rattled to be Apparating with his son.

Ron and Hugo were working on their second helpings of ice cream when Hermione arrived home via Floo.

“Hello boys,” she said, before stopping in her tracks. “Ice cream? Ron, it’s not even five-thirty!”

“We deserve it, believe me.”

“We deserve it, Mum!” Hugo repeated, with a chocolate smeared grin. “Believe me!”

Ron told her about the day they’d each had, and Hugo was happy to inform her how ‘Dad hadn’t put his sickle in the swear jar yet.’ He also was in dire need of a better plaster for his chin.

By the end of the tale she had a cautiously amused look on her face, and went to get their boxes of plasters.

“Okay, Hugo, looks like we have trains or dragons.”

“Both!”

“Choose one.”

“But Mum, I deseeeerve it, believe me!” Hugo said, a pleading look on his face.

She and Ron traded smiles over his curly head.

“Just today, because you were so brave at the hospital.”

“Gryffindor!” Hugo declared, before running after the dog, two plasters on his chin.

“How are you after all those adventures?” she asked, cuddling into Ron’s side.

“Better now that you’re home,” he said, leaning down to kiss her. “You okay with ice cream for dinner?”

“Not my first choice, but I’ll manage.” She smiled at him. “Ginny should have Rose back from Quidditch practice soon.”

“Can I feed her ice cream too?” he moaned, closing his eyes.

“You don’t have to. She’s eating with Ginny and the kids.”

“Thank Merlin, because I feel like I’ve been pulled through a keyhole backwards.”

“Oh, I guess that means we can’t…” Hugo ran by and Hermione stopped herself. “Can’t ‘you know,’ tonight.”

“Can’t… Oh right! That!”

He felt a bit chagrined that they had to schedule it ahead, but the past few weeks hadn’t allowed for much spontaneity.

“Honestly…” he sighed, before looking sideways at his beautiful wife and slowly smiling. “I’ll manage.”

“We deserve it,” she grinned.

“It’ll be boring and passionless,” he teased, leaning in to plant a kiss on her neck, lingering a bit too long.

She shivered in pleasure. “Of course.”

“You won’t even have to put a silencing spell up,” he said before kissing her more deeply. “Over in five minutes.”

“I’ll prepare myself for the disappointment,” she purred. “Twice.”

“Twice?” he asked with a disbelieving look. She stared at him quite seriously before she broke and began laughing.

“Can you imagine?” she giggled.

“After the day I had?”

“On a school night?”

“Twice?!” they repeated, laughing and snorting,

There came a great crash from the other room. Hugo shouted ‘I’m ok!’ while Chudley barked. Ron began to get up, but Hermione pulled him back down to the couch.

“Don’t forget to put a sickle in the swear jar,” she said as she rose, going to check on their chaotic son.

#romione #ron weasley #hermione granger #hugo weasley #rose weasley #fanfic #family fluff #my writing #fanfiction

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douxreviews · 5 years

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Roswell, New Mexico - ‘Tearin' Up My Heart’ Review

“Hypothesis: Max Evans killed my sister.”

Liz is an amazing liar. She is adept at assessing people’s emotions and using partial truths as a misdirection, obscuring her true goals. By offering her scientific skills, displaying her natural curiosity, and playing on their long-standing friendship, as well as Max’s feelings for her, Liz convinces Max to do the one thing he fears most. Having a scientist experiment on him. However, the person she is most adept at lying to is herself.

Liz could have taken her San Diego grant money and left Roswell with or without dear old Dad. The realization that her sister did not kill herself or the two other innocent girls in a drugged-out haze and the desire to find out the truth is undoubtedly a compelling reason to stay. Especially for someone with Liz’s sense of fairness and the above-mentioned curiosity. Yet, for all her bluster about being objective in her search for proof that Max killed Rosa, she spends an awful lot of time justifying his behavior and excusing the evidence.

Liz dismisses her arm injury to Kyle even as she is legitimately afraid to let Max touch her. Her inability to dismiss the damage Max inflicted on the EKG machine causes her to shift her investigation into what Rosa may have done to instigate Max’s actions. While I agree that Max would not have hurt Rosa without cause, I am a) privy to information that Liz is not, and b) not related to the victim. Liz’s willingness to blame the victim has more to do with her unexamined feelings than logic or objectivity. She consistently cannot put aside her residual anger towards and feelings of abandonment by her sister or the attraction and, dare I say it, love she feels for Max.

Which is why it isn’t until she finds Max’s letter that she is convinced of his guilt and confronts him. And you have to wonder how much of that is undergirded by jealousy. After all, his declaration that he has always loved her and he could never kill anyone that she loved stops her cold. That is as true for her as is the knowledge that he is not being completely honest with her.

I think we can agree that she’s not being completely honest with herself either. Her opening monologue acknowledges that her feelings for Max go back to her mother’s abandonment. She tells Maria of her attraction to Max on multiple occasion then later confesses to Maria that she was engaged to the “perfect” man that she felt nothing for. And for the pièce de résistance you have Isobel reading Liz’s mind and acknowledging the depth of her feelings for Max. The word “love” may not have crossed anyone’s lips, but the implication is clear.

Speaking of Isobel, her and Noah’s relationship is just odd. She doesn’t come home for dinner and he waits until the next afternoon to find out where she was? She basically tells him that her brother is the most important person in the world to her and he doesn’t get jealous, he merely offers to be more attentive. While I think we could all wish for husband (or wife) that was so kind and thoughtful, it doesn’t seem very realistic.

And what of Isobel’s argument with Max? Regardless of her reasons, her assessment of Liz was right on the money. Liz is investigating them and it’s not for benevolent purposes. Her accusation that Max would do anything just to be close to Liz is spot on as well. Is Max’s claim that she’s using his life as a distraction from her messed up relationship with Noah as accurate? Or is he throwing the barb he knows will cause the most damage as only a family member can?

With the possible exception of Maria, whom we still know very little about, Michael is the most honest of the lot. He is unapologetic about who he is, what he does, or what he wants despite the pain it inevitably causes him. Alex seems to be the antithesis of that. He vacillates between hiding and flaunting his sexuality just as he seems to both crave and despise his father’s approval. This is a man deeply uncomfortable with who he is. This doesn’t bode well for their relationship.

The Rosa Magical Mystery tour led to the discovery that Rosa was befriended by someone using the pseudonym Ophiuchus, which doesn’t strike me as a typical high school choice. Given Rosa’s comments in Isobel’s flashes, I would suspect Isobel but she’d remember something like that. Is she picking up on someone else’s memories?

Have you noticed Isobel is the only one interested in maintaining the status quo? Liz wants answers. Max wants Liz. Michael wants, to quote Isobel “his person,” and while Alex may not be sure what he wants, the status quo is definitely not it.

What do we know:

Max has never been sick.

Whatever has been building in him since he healed Liz was strong enough to take out the power to all of Roswell.

We get confirmation that Rosa was not in favor of a relationship between Max and Liz. She previously told Liz that Max should be in her rearview and here she hid his letter to Liz. Did she know something we and Liz don’t?

Kyle, despite believing Liz’s investigation of her sister’s death could prove dangerous, refuses to betray her confidence. How much of that is because of his feelings for Liz or his distrust of Manes is anybody’s guess.

Speaking of Chief Master Sargent Manes, he and Valenti Sr. had a falling out. The question is when and over what. My suspicion is that it was over expediency. Manes strikes me as an “any means necessary“ kind of guy and Kyle continually speaks of his father’s code which included “innocent until proven guilty.” Those two philosophies seldom mix.

Roswell, New Mexico is brought to us by the several members of The Originals and The Vampire Diaries production team. Thus the casting of Nathan Parsons, Riley Voelkel, and Michael Trevino. And as with their predecessors, they have shown a willingness to burn through plot. Where other shows would have dragged out Liz and Max’s confrontation till at least the mid-season finale, here we barely make it through one episode. The end result is I have no idea where we’re headed but I am enjoying the ride.

4 out of 5 Blackouts.

Parting Thoughts:

This week’s title refers to the NSYNC song by the same name.

Max’s nerd boner over a first edition Walt Whitman brought a smile to my face. It’s not Russian literature but we are 3 for 3 on Max’s bookworm references.

While we’re meant to see Liz and her father in a sympathetic light. The Powers That Be don’t shy away from alternative views. While Sheriff Valenti, a neutral bystander in the overall narrative, won’t go out of her way to deport Arturo Ortecho, she’s not shy in her condemnation of the fact that he came to the country illegally while others, including her own family, sacrificed to do it the right way. We don’t live in a black and white world and I’m always pleased when writers and producers are willing to show it.

Minor Gaff: When Isobel announces that the fundraiser has doubled last year's donations, Noah is standing in the audience cheering. Yet when she gets home, she tells him the same info, and he acts like he never heard it.

Quotes

Liz: “You can relax. I left my scalpel at home." Max: “Oh, good. Cause I saw what you did to that frog freshman year, and it was not pretty.”

Isobel: “I have the entire Air Force here for the veteran fundraiser, and you’re out here playing what, alien autopsy?"

Kyle: “I know you want to believe Max is a golden retriever, but he’s a frigging’ X-file, Liz.”

Alex: “You’re awake.” Michael: “You stayed.”

Isobel: “I just came from Max’s. He’s letting Liz experiment on him.” Michael: “Please say ‘sexually.’”

Maria: “I didn’t want to invade her privacy, even now.” Liz: “Well, as a little sister, invading my big sister’s privacy is my born prerogative. Even now.”

Jenna: “Yeah, why not. Let’s go to the drive-in. Maybe after you can take me to the malt shop and then pin your letter on my sweater.”

Michael: “So are you going to mind-warp Liz before or after Mars Attacks?”

Maria: “If we’re stalking, I need a corn dog.”

Max: “I was really hoping for E.T. this year.” Isobel: “Xenophobia sells more tickets.”

Michael: “Guess you’re still the guy looking for any excuse to walk away, huh?" Alex: “Maybe. And you’re still so good at giving them to me.”

Manes: “We shared one goal. To protect our town and our world from the imminent alien threat.” Kyle: “Imminent? The crash was in 1947. If they pose a threat to humanity, they’re taking their sweet time.”

Manes: “Although you should know there’s one fatal flaw in our system. Innocent until proven guilty means that justice can only be served after disaster has struck.”

---

Shari loves sci-fi, fantasy, supernatural, and anything with a cape.

#Roswell New Mexico #Roswell #Liz Ortecho #Max Evans #Roswell Reviews #Doux Reviews #TV Reviews

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winterstellium · 5 years

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I want to give a big old shoutout to @winchesteralex/ @trenchchester for creating Song Remains the Same! You’ve put so much blood, sweat, and tears (So. Many. Tears.) into it and we (myself included) are thankful for gracing us with your wonderful characters.

And guess what? It’s Alex’s (and Sam’s, of course) Birthday today! Why not make it a special one with this wonderful birthchart!

Now, I'm not just gonna drop the chart, and be like " Okay, here you go! Now go figure it out" — No. I'm gonna do some explaining, and I'm warning you now, it's gonna be a long one. Get ready for some reading.

Before I type up the interpretation, I don't know how familiar you are with astrology, so here are the basics —

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ya-cKkWmt4yx5u5Fpv1UnCGVmJHSh-FQMuhmDq2DxKM/edit?usp=sharing

I know that was a lot of information to learn all at once, but I do plan on breaking things down even more to get the large concept across.

Now, moving onto Alex’s Chart (which I pulled up from Astro-seek, as you see above).

Now, that may look very confusing. I’m here to help you break it down.

I’ll break it down like this:

(Planet)(degree)(Sign)(House) [unless there needs to be more explanation]

(Aspects)

Let’s go in order [all info is a combination of astro-seek, thedarkpixieastrology, and my own interpretation, unless stated otherwise ] —

[I’m going to stick everything else under a read-more bc this is gonna get long]

Anyways, Happy Birthday, Alex (and Sam)!!

— Things in bold make it easier to pinpoint specific sections of text.

Sun — 11° Taurus (10H) ∟Shy reserved/introverted, with a love for the simplicity and beauty of nature and life. Tends to keep their distance, even from friends, but it’s not to be rude, they just don’t have the ability to express their problems to others.

∟With the Sun in 10H, They are noble in their pursuits and want to be respected and recognized for their hard work. Some of the recognition they do receive could be that of shame, disgrace, and scandalous to the public eye, to others around them, and/or family members.

∟Aspects; ∟Trine Moon — They’re self and their emotions are in harmony.

∟Conjunct Mars — Their self aligns with their motivations, and can cause emotional tension at times due to large amounts of energy backing the individual. They also tend to have sudden energy losses from burning out too quickly.

∟Square Lilith — (from darkstartastrology) “creates incredibly strong-willed, feisty individuals who take it upon themselves to become spokespeople for the disadvantaged. Others may speak out about gritty, dark issues that are disturbing or distasteful to the public in some way. The square has so much tension that it is compelled to action. It simmers with unprocessed rage at being exiled and rejected. Together these edgy qualities will create activists, mesmerising agitators and trouble makers. They think nothing of taking the law into their own hands and have their own sense of honour and principles, which can sometimes effect their popularity. Always as tough on themselves as they are on others, they aim high and have intuition and great survival instincts to aid them in their leaps of faith.”

∟Parallel Chiron — (from Cafe Astrology) “With Chiron-Sun hard aspects, for example, we tend to feel ineffective when it comes to expressing our creativity. In youth especially, there is a shyness about performing, about “being seen”, about being allowed to shine. These are children who hide their work in school or in art class. Very often, they are “middle children”, and feel that their creativity was stifled in youth! People with these aspects often worry unnecessarily about their performance, and are often left feeling devastated when they are criticized. They are often very good at boosting others’ confidence, yet neglect to build their own! This is where the “teacher” side of Chiron comes into play. People with strong Chiron are often very good at inspiring others, giving them pep talks, offering very friendly and sincere advice, and so forth–yet they have a hard time healing themselves.”

Moon — 14° Capricorn (6H) (I personally have this placement, but it’s a degree/house away) ∟Stability through overwhelming events/emotions, but will find distractions to focus on and repress the emotions, not wanting to appear a burden or useless.

∟With the Moon in 6H, they put in the extra work to be useful, plowing through small tasks with ease, on the nose with everything, which makes them trustworthy and reliable. They might have some issues with sticking to one job, needing stimulation through their environment.

∟ Aspects; ∟Trine Mars —Emotions and actions are aligned, which can result is quick actions out of inspiration, and actions out of heightened emotional turmoil.

∟Opposite Asc (1H) —Instability of emotions and can be susceptible to being easily influenced.

∟Square MC (10H) —Unstable professional life, and professions/careers.

∟Contra-Parallel Venus —Confusion of their real feelings and emotions towards someone they love, has a hard time choosing their romantic partner, and may even have more than one person in love with them.

∟Contra-Parallel North Node — Emotional Safety and Affection they crave is opposing the need to be objective when in experiencing deep emotional communication.

Mercury — 25° Taurus (11H; Rx) ∟They are thorough and precise, often in contemplation and the need to provide evidence of their findings and opinions and are renowned experts in the field they have chosen to specialize in. They like to think deeply about things, they have good knowledge of things they are interested in and they enjoy the process of learning - as if it was some good food. When they learn something and understand it, they will probably never forget it.

∟With Mercury being in 11H, they attracted to innovative, original ideas and thinkers. They want people in their life who challenge conventional thinking and force them to think outside of their own box. They respect people who seem intellectually advanced and always looking towards the future and making plans for their future dreams, though the dreams may change frequently. They could have two separate, distinct dreams for their future. Friendships tend to be more casual and superficial, and they like people who are chatty, though they may not be very loyal. They can also be idealistic, and want people to treat each other well. ∟Aspects; ∟Conjunction Mars — The mind and motivation are in sync, and are enthusiastic and aggressive to communicate with others, especially in debate. They come in with plenty of “oofmph!” and heat in their thinking and actions.

∟Sextile Ascendant — There is an easy match of the Self and their thoughts. They have an easier time expressing who they are and how they perceive the world to other people.

∟Conjunction Chiron — (from Cafe Astrology) “With Chiron-Mercury aspects, we may rarely feel satisfied with how or what we communicate. To express ourselves, or not to express ourselves–that is the question with Chiron-Mercury hard aspects. We may talk someone’s ears off one day, and then feel guilty about it later, at which point we retreat into ourselves and become uncommunicative. We might review conversations we had with others and kick ourselves for what we said, or what we didn’t say.”

∟Contra-Parallel Jupiter — (from astro-seek) There is a habit of extreme thinking here. These people sometimes have doubts about their beliefs and they have difficulties to synchronise theories with practice. They are restless and they often move abroad.

∟Contra-Parallel Uranus — (from thedarkpixieastrology) “if you don’t have enough to occupy you mentally, you get bored out of your mind. You like to do things your own way, but sometimes it’s to your detriment. You like to challenge conventional thinking, but can take it too far. You don’t like the routine or mundane, and need to have things done in a different way. You can have a hard time concentrating on anything, and can have a temper, scattered mind, or nervousness.”

∟Contra-Parallel Neptune — (from thedarkpixieastrology) “your mind is all over the place, and it makes it difficult for you to concentrate. Your imagination is active and you have a good intuition, but reality is a chore. You want your life to be more fantastical than it actually is. You can see things that other people don’t. You need some mental discipline to help you focus.”

∟Parallel Ascendant — (from Astromatrix) “This placement makes you warm, friendly and very talkative. Any planets that are conjunct your Ascendant will influence your appearance and personality in a great deal. You are a good listener and curious about everything. You have a desire to learn as much as you can about the world, but you may have difficulty in being objective about what you learn, selecting only the information that is personally useful to you, or that fits in with your way of perceiving things. Tolerance of other peoples’ views, attitudes and different perspectives is one of the big challenges of this aspect. You might identify more with your intelligence or ability to make connections with others. You are at ease with almost anyone, and easily put others at ease. Always curious, you can pick up a lot from your immediate environment. You also revere knowledge and information, and have a keen interest in many intellectual topics.”

∟Contra-Parallel Lilith — (from astral-obscura on tumblr) “The native has little faith in their ability to accurately comprehend themselves, others, or society as a whole, and therefore may place monumental importance on other people’s opinions. They are easily stressed by having to explain themselves or their actions; judgement and criticism easily shut them down. They are quick to label their ideas or their interpersonal & communicative mannerisms as strange and unwanted, so they may choose to be quiet and reserved rather than put their mind on display. They have a very difficult time defending themselves or rationalizing their place in a group. They can’t use their logical mind to escape twisted social structures.”

Venus —22° Gemini (12H) ∟(from thedarkpixieastrology) “you need some variety in your relationships. If you feel like you’re tethered, you feel trapped. You want to keep things light, and avoid getting too serious in love. It’s all about having some fun for you. You can be a flirt, and especially when you’re young, date many people but none for long. What you want in a relationship can change with the wind, so you need someone who’s adaptable and can go with the flow. Change is a good thing for you in relationships, so someone who can keep you on your toes is good. You want love to be stimulating, and crave someone who will keep up with you in conversation and have many interests.”

∟With it being in 12H, this suggests secrecy and solitude. It points to the introspective aspect of character and the need to spend time alone. It creates socially withdrawn people who are a bit lonely and disappointed in their romantic relationships. They are very emotional but they can subconsciously control their emotions. This position usually creates a significant degree of compassion for oppressed people and all those who are in a bad position.

∟Aspects; ∟Trine Pluto — (from thedarkpixieastrology) “you can see right through people and situations. You know how to use resources well, and gravitate towards relationships that allow you to transform yourself. You’re passionate without being overwhelming, and know how to sway people to your side.”

∟Conjunction Node — The positive thing about this aspect is that these people are often pleasant, graceful, sexy and affectionate. They can appreciate beauty and they like art. They have a good taste. This harmonious connection forms the focal point of their life and it helps them achieve their goals. They have somewhat feminine radiating power that is very valuable and deserves to be acknowledged and developed.

The negative side of this aspect is that it can be difficult for these people to find inner peace because their love life is in constant conflict with the direction of their life. They can experience feelings of unfulfillment and they may have great need for affection that is very hard to satisfy.

∟Contra-Parallel Moon — (the darkpixieastrology) “you want peace in your life, and you’ll do what people want too easily to get it, and you don’t like them for it later. Your emotional needs and the needs of a relationship are often at odds, and you have to work at finding a balance between the two without giving up one for the other. You’re highly sensual, and can indulge in place of having love in your life. You can lack discipline and restraint, wanting to experience the pleasures of the world.”

Mars — 19° Taurus (11H) ∟(from darkpixieastrology) “you take your time with everything, and no one can get you to hurry. You don’t see the point in rushing anything, and feel that everything will happen in its own time. If that’s not fast, that’s fine with you. You can formulate goals and work hard at achieving them, and you’ll stick with them no matter what happens. You don’t give up easily once you’ve decided on what you want. You’re loyal, stable, and crave security in your life, and may buy a lot of nice things to surround yourself with items of value. You can be stubborn once you make up your mind, and there’s no convincing you to change your mind, even if deep down you know that you should. You do things in your own time, and won’t change for anyone.” ∟With it being in 11H, this suggests people who are trying to realize their ideals. They like to help other, less able people and they have an excellent ability to encourage others to do some charity work. They show initiative and they are good at organising things. They often get actively involved in strikes or other social unrest. Sometimes they can get into trouble even though they are very diligent and hardworking, because they are somewhat rebellious and independent.

Jupiter — 9° Sagittarius (5H; Rx) ∟(darkpixieastsrology) “you can lift people up with soaring rhetoric and inspirational speeches. Share what you’ve learned in life with others, and you’ll receive so much in return. You have strong beliefs, and should live a life that follow those beliefs. Just don’t be too self-centered. You need freedom and have an optimistic outlook.”

∟With it being in 5H, suggests the ability to go through life with the help of these people´s strong character. These people usually have a privileged position in life, and they find it quite natural. They live happily. However, Jupiter creates a desire to be engaged in an activity that helps others. This predisposes them for professions like a teacher, a politician or a priest. They can also become actors, singers, comedians or work in other professions. Jupiter in the fifth house usually also means a big family.

∟Aspects; ∟Trine MC (10H) — (astromatrix) “This aspect will be extremely useful, first by helping you find the right direction to take in your life. and second by enabling you to make others feel positive about you and eager to help if you need it. You are able to pursue your goals without making people feel that you will take something away from them. You have a strong sense of social responsibility, a feeling that you should give your life over to a purpose that is useful in the world. It isn't that you are totally selfish or self-sacrificing, but that nothing seems worth doing unless it is of use to others. You will always get along easily with authorities, and while you are young that usually means people who are older. You know that they have something to teach you, and you are willing to learn from them. You don't feel you have to show everyone how smart you are, even though you believe that you are rather special. You are willing to take your time and let the world find out how much you can do. You will always have a project to work on, because you hate to be idle, either in mind or in body. Usually you are busy with some consuming interest, which may mean more to you than being with others. You feel that you are self-sufficient, and that your activities are enough to give you a sense of fulfillment in life. You don't feel an urgent need to be with others all the time.”

∟Sextile Lilith — (from astral-obscura on tumblr) “The native’s mind is filled with grand philosophies of the truth about society and why stigmas & standards must be broken for spiritual growth. They find enlightenment through liberation; freedom is more important to them than anything else because it fulfills them in every way and allows them to expand their intellect. Likewise, they use their intellect to expand their freedom, as well as the freedom of others. They may become something of a social pioneer or modern guru, teaching about the detrimental nature of the status quo and encouraging others to go against the norm. They don’t believe in conformity. Their beliefs separate them from the majority.”

∟Contra-Parallel Mercury — (darkpixieastrology) “you can get lost in the big picture. You tend to have a hard time focusing on anything for long, dealing with your responsibilities, or thinking things through before you jump into anything. You can make grand plans that you never follow through on and talk too big, and it causes people to not believe you. You need to learn to rein yourself in mentally.”

∟Contra-Parallel Ascendant — (astromatrix) “With Jupiter in Opposition to your Natal Ascendant, you will feel the need to be more involved in one on one relationships, especially if Jupiter is placed in the 7th House. Relationships in general make you feel more happy and content, and is a realm for greater exploration and understanding. The descendant is a symbolic condensation point for what we don't identify with in ourselves and therefore project onto or seek out in others or through intimate relationships. You're very sociable, good-matured, optimistic, cooperative and helpful, attracting many benefits through partners and relationships. That being said, it is important to find your source of optimism and contentment within yourself. Your expectations of what others can provide will be unrealistic in the real world, since very few people actually live up to our fantasies of them. This will lead to many disappointments until you realise that what you are seeking in others is a part of yourself that you are denying, or for some reason are afraid to express.”

Saturn — 0° Scorpio (4H; Rx) ∟ (darkpixieastrology) “you work hard to have control over yourself. You may control yourself too well, and not know how to let yourself go. Transforming yourself may be a way for you to attain more power in your life. Your will is strong, but you try not to come across as intense as you may actually be.”

∟With it being in 4H, means great responsibility in home and family matters. These people support or discipline their family members. These people usually do not like changes and they have a real fear of the unknown and new things. They long for security, they try to be careful and secure themselves for old age. Their roots are important to them; they tend to remain in the past, but if they change their environment they are likely to reach.

∟Aspects; ∟Sextile Neptune — (darkpixieastrology) “if you can dream it, you can make it happen. You want to merge the mystical and spiritual with the physical, and make them something you can feel in the palm of your hand. No matter how much you may venture into your spirituality, you’re always grounded.”

∟Conjunction Pluto — (darkpixieastrology) “you have incredible self-discipline and a determined personality. Nothing can stand in your way once you set your mind to something, and you can become obsessive about your goals. You have learn to pull back a little and let yourself breathe and have some joy.”

∟Square Ascendant — The positive thing about this aspect is that these people are prudent and honest. The negative side of this aspect is that they can feel obstructions and difficulties in gaining popularity among people. They also get tired easily and they may suffer from frequent colds and attacks of rheumatism.

∟Trine Nodes — The positive thing about this aspect is that these people are focused on overcoming challenges in their life. They are consistent, aware of their responsibilities, and they walks tirelessly along their life path. They have high standards for themselves and they set ambitious goals. They are able to overcome their limits.

Uranus — 8° Sagittarius (5H; Rx) ∟(darkpixieastrology) “you’re an intuitive person and drawn to alternative beliefs. You want to help people, but you may not be reliable. You can be brutally honest at times, and don’t care if it gets you in trouble. You want to push through boundaries, are unconventional, and independent.” ∟With it being in 5H, brings turbulence and changes to the house of love, personal creativity and children. These people are usually inventive and creative, but they may suffer from a lack of discipline. They may be careless, ruthless or crazy, and their ideas may cost them dearly. They usually long for freedom and independence. These attitudes will be passed on to their children. These people need good governance since they are little otherwise they will get into trouble. Their usually not very conventional personal relationships are established quickly and they often end just as abruptly.

∟Aspects; ∟Conjunction Jupiter — (darkpixieastrology) “you may always feel like you have to do something new and break free right now. You hate being restricted and want to be as free as you can. You can deal with big projects easily, having a good ability to see the bigger picture. You could have good things happen for you unexpectedly.”

∟Trine MC (10H) — The positive thing about this aspect is that it gives people skilful and original behaviour that helps them achieve their goals.

∟Sextile Lilith — (astral-obsura on tumblr) “The native possesses very extreme views and opinions on society which others either love or hate them for. They often behave outrageously for the fun of it, and do or say things that may cause discord because gives them an electric, purposeful feeling. They disregard all social limitations and couldn’t care less about acceptance. They are the bona fide rebel. Nothing & no one can prevent them from being the person they want to be. Liberation runs in their blood. They don’t believe in any social order which hinders individual autonomy, and they have a desire to change society to make room for “the atypicals” like them. They use their freedom to free others.”

∟Contra-Parallel Mercury — (darkpixieastrology) “if you don’t have enough to occupy you mentally, you get bored out of your mind. You like to do things your own way, but sometimes it’s to your detriment. You like to challenge conventional thinking, but can take it too far. You don’t like the routine or mundane, and need to have things done in a different way. You can have a hard time concentrating on anything, and can have a temper, scattered mind, or nervousness.”

∟Parallel Neptune — (darkpixieastrology) “you want to change the world in a big way, and you take different approaches than everyone else. You dreams are unusual and you’re a creative person.”

∟Contra-Parallel Ascendant — The positive thing about this aspect is that it gives people skilful and original behaviour. The negative side of this aspect is that it gives people desire to surprise and shock others at any cost

Neptune — 28° Sagittarius (6H; Rx) ∟(darkpixieastrology) “you love a big idea, and you enjoy expanding your mind and world in some way. You can be attracted to unusual beliefs, fantasy, and science fiction. You search for one truth, but it can be hard to find. You need to recognize there are many answers.”

∟With it being in 6H, suggests a connection with the work environment, the need to provide services and also with health. These people may have the spiritual urge to help others. They may have illusions about their job and have somewhat grandiose attitude towards their job. They often have difficulties fulfilling their everyday duties and with small things. They are not good organizers and they are not very practical. They have to pay attention to their health.

∟Aspects; ∟Sextile Pluto — (darkpixieastrology) “you have an active imagination, and are an intuitive person. You can follow your dreams and make them real, and it happens more smoothly.”

∟Opposition Node — The positive thing about this aspect is that these people are sure of their decisions and this helps them overcome life challenges. Pure spirituality becomes the focus of their life.

The negative side of this aspect is that these people only have vague ideas about their focus and meaning of life or their sense for life direction is poor. They easily withdraw their focus from what is important, they are not persistent, or all their goals fall apart.

∟Contra-Parallel Mercury — (darkpixieastrology) “your mind is all over the place, and it makes it difficult for you to concentrate. Your imagination is active and you have a good intuition, but reality is a chore. You want your life to be more fantastical than it actually is. You can see things that other people don’t. You need some mental discipline to help you focus.”

∟Parallel Uranus — (darkpixieastrology) “you want to change the world in a big way, and you take different approaches than everyone else. You dreams are unusual and you’re a creative person.”

∟Contra-Parallel Ascendant — The positive thing about this aspect is that these people are intuitive and understanding. The negative side of this aspect is that they are impetuous and they find it hard to adapt to new situations. They should stay away from alcohol.

∟Parallel Lilith — (from tdjacobs) “show the inner conversation between the surrender function and the inner wild. Connecting to nature is a primary tool for each archetype and so people with these aspects need to get out and sit on rocks, hug trees, and have summits with various animals and other forms of wildlife. Much information that will help the person stay conscious of having and being in a body is available through such activities.”

Pluto — 27° Libra (4H; Rx) ∟(darkpixieastrology) Relationships are important to you, and you can transform yourself through them. You strive for balance, equality, and fairness, and hate discord. Compromise is the name of the game for you.

∟With it being in 4H, this creates tension at home. These people will have the tendency to be domineering towards their friends and relatives. In such a home environment there may be a struggle for power among family members. These people have a strong bond with their home or country. In some cases, they will be interested in science or jobs that deal with their country or the world.

∟Aspects; ∟Square Ascendant — The positive thing about this aspect is that it gives people independent, sometimes even extreme behaviour and the ability to physically and mentally regenerate. The negative thing about this aspect is that these people do not realise what impression they are making on others and they often cause themselves harm because of it.

∟Trine Nodes — The positive thing about this aspect is that it gives people great and fascinating energy that leads them to the focal point of their life. The experiences of power and powerlessness and the encounter with their own Shadow helps them overcome their life challenges and find their life path.

Nodes — 25° Gemini (12H)/25° Sagittarius (6H) ∟North Node in Gemini brings the conflict between seeking objectivity and lively communication on the one hand, and clinging to a highly subjective understanding, firmly anchored opinions and commands on the other.

These people need to learn how to express complex contexts and ideas in everyday language, how to convey spiritual thinking into practical life, transfer it in comprehensible form and show clearly the connection between the philosophical and noble knowledge and values of everyday life.

∟With them being in 12H and 6H — North Node in the twelfth house brings the conflict between transcendental effort and everyday reality, between chaos and order, and between spirituality and reason.

These people need to open up to their spirituality and imagination. They need to escape the constraints of the usual and explainable and be open to the unusual and unexplainable. They need to go beyond the rational and analytical, develop imaginative powers and spiritual awareness. They should stop working so hard and find time for themselves. They should learn to make self-sacrifice and show love for other people.

Beware of morbid obsession with order, cleanliness and rejection of everything that is not in perfect order or cannot be explained.

Lilith — 9° Aquarius (7H) ∟Freedom at all costs, even at the price of ridicule and emptiness. Lilith emphasises the principles of the Aquarius - freedom and autonomy. This easily causes problems in life because these people avoid strong and lasting connections. They do not experience their lives, they feel as if they see their life through a wall of glass because they are not able to experience their life emotionally. They do not trust themselves and they do not trust others. The way out is through the opposite sign, Leo - to open their heart, connect their mind with their heart and in this way gain the ability to experience life.

∟With it being in 7H, there’s a tendency to reject relationships with others if the individual cannot play the role of initiator.

Chiron —26° Taurus (11H) ∟ Unhealable wound of these people may be the result of the fact that other people, their parents, teachers, colleagues, superiors etc. have been constantly belittling them, although they have had no reason to do so. It is as if they have always been lacking something and therefore cannot be regarded as full-fledged. Revolutionary social events could deprive them of property that has been in the family for generations. These people cannot seem to manage to create their own privacy. It's as if something prevents them from enjoying the little that they have. Even the accumulation of property and various rewards and prices can not heal this injury.

∟With it being in 11H, this showcases trauma caused by inability to implement Utopian visions, the impossibility of carrying out reforms in society and building the ideal society. Disappointment in friends that often does not cease to hurt even in old age, and from time to time this wound reopens. These people have been trying to be independent all their life but it is as if something is stopping them from realising this dream.

This took a lot of time to find all the information.

I hope this has been enlightening for you, River! I wanted this to be posted at 11:11am (EST), but it didn’t quite work out like I wanted it to. ^^; oh well!

#Supernatural Fanfiction #Song Remains the Same #Alex Winchester #Astrology #Natal Chart #I hope you like it River!

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deniscollins · 5 years

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The C.E.O. Taking On the Gun Lobby

In February 2018, a gunman opened fire at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla., killing 17 people. If you were the CEO of Dick’s sporting goods, would you: (1) continue with operations as usual or (2) immediately stop selling all assault-style rifles, no longer sell high-capacity magazines, and require any gun buyer to be at least 21, regardless of local laws? Why? If you chose (2) above would you: (1) return the assault-style rifles and accessories to the manufacturers or (2) destroy them? Why? What are the ethics underlying your decision?

Ed Stack didn’t set out to be an activist.

The chief executive of Dick’s Sporting Goods, Mr. Stack spent his career selling fishing rods, camping gear and athletic equipment at big-box stores around the country.

Dick’s was founded by Mr. Stack’s father in upstate New York. As a young man, Mr. Stack worked for the family business. But he didn’t enjoy the experience. His father was a divisive boss who couldn’t manage a supply chain, and was especially hard on his son.

Hoping to chart his own course, Mr. Stack went to work at a law firm. But when his father fell ill, Mr. Stack came back to help run the company. He soon grew to love the retail business and eventually bought the company from his father in 1984.

Mr. Stack set about expanding across the country, at times moving too aggressively. Overextended, the company flirted with bankruptcy. But Mr. Stack stabilized the business, and in 2002, took Dick's public. Since then, he has managed to keep the company competitive in the age of Walmart, Amazon and e-commerce.

With all of that accomplished and retirement in sight, Mr. Stack wasn’t looking for attention. Then in February 2018, a gunman opened fire at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla., killing 17 people. As Mr. Stack watched the news, he decided to drastically curtail Dick’s gun sales.

Days after the shooting, Dick’s said that it would immediately stop selling all assault-style rifles, no longer sell high-capacity magazines and require any gun buyer to be at least 21, regardless of local laws.

Dick’s was not alone. Walmart also tightened its gun sales policies after the shooting in Parkland, and companies including Delta Air Lines and MetLife moved to distance themselves from the National Rifle Association.

But for gun rights activists, Mr. Stack’s deeply personal engagement with the issue struck a nerve. The N.R.A. came after Dick’s, and calls for a boycott sprung up on social media.

Mr. Stack was unbowed. He announced that Dick’s would destroy the assault-style rifles and accessories on its shelves instead of returning them to manufacturers.

More than a year and a half after the Parkland shooting, Mr. Stack continues his campaign for stricter gun control, calling on lawmakers to introduce legislation and detailing his journey from businessman to activist in a new book, “It’s How We Play the Game.” He is reportedly exploring a run for president.

This interview, which was condensed and edited for clarity and occurred before any presidential musings, was conducted in New York.

Had you confronted the guns issue before Parkland?

Our journey with guns has been a long one. Around 1999, some kids broke into our store in Rochester, N.Y., and stole a bunch of handguns. A few days later, the cops found these kids, and a couple of them were dead.

I said, “I don’t want to be in this business.” So we stopped selling handguns. We were small at the time, with just six stores, and nobody noticed. We took a little bit of guff from it, but nobody knew who Dick’s Sporting Goods was really at the time.

Who did you take guff from? The National Rifle Association?

No, it was customers asking, “Why aren’t you selling handguns anymore?” Then we opened in Texas and put some handguns back because it just felt that was what the customer wanted. With the assault weapons ban from 1994, we hadn’t been selling assault rifles. But then, probably a year before Sandy Hook, merchants came and said, “To be competitive in the gun business, you got to have assault rifles. This is what’s selling.” So we put them back in.

Then Parkland happened, and you decided to significantly curtail your gun sales.

When Parkland happened — watching those kids, listening to those parents — it had a profound effect on me. It was at that point I said, “I just don’t want to sell these guns, period.”

I’m a pretty stoic guy. But I sat there hearing about the kids who were killed, and I hadn’t cried that much since my mother passed away. We need to do something. This has got to stop.

I came to our management team on that Monday, and started to read a statement I had written. I got emotional, and I couldn’t get through it. Our chief of staff had to actually take the piece of paper from my hand and finish reading it.

You’ve done more than just take guns out of the stores though.

We called on Congress to come together with the intent to actually solve this problem. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in Washington, and it was pretty clear that nothing was going to get done, and nothing has gotten done.

I don’t know how, at least, we can’t get universal background checks done. For the life of me, I cannot understand how people can see that having universal background checks or red-flag laws really violates anybody’s Second Amendment rights.

You also went down to Florida.

The families from Parkland asked me to come down and talk to them. So I went down and sat with many of the families who lost somebody in Parkland. It was probably the hardest day of my life, to listen to those parents talk about their kids and what happened to them.

One woman said it had been a month since her son was killed. She said, “I go into his room every night, I sit on his bed and I talk to him.” As a parent, you can’t imagine putting yourself in that position. This whole thing still gets to me.

But what I found surprising of those families, not one of them said we need to ban all guns, that guns have to go away. What they said was we need to find common-sense changes to our gun laws so what happened to our family doesn’t happen anyplace else. If those families feel that way, I have no idea how the guys in Washington can’t come together and find a solution to this problem.

How do you respond to your critics?

People have said, “You know Stack, if we do what you want and ban assault-style rifles, ban high-capacity magazines and don’t sell a gun to anyone under 21 years old, it won’t eliminate mass shootings.” You know what, they’re probably right. But there will be less loss of life if an assault-style rifle isn’t used. And if we do all those things and we save one life, in my mind it’s all worth it.

What do you say to other business leaders who don’t want to get political?

If you have ideas about how to solve certain problems, I think it’s your responsibility as business leaders to speak up. This country is craving for leadership today, and the leadership is not coming out of Washington. So the leadership has to come from someplace else. Right now, the private sector is the place that it’s going to have to come from.

We have an expertise from a gun standpoint. We see the holes in the system. We found out that a couple months before the shooter in Parkland did what he did, we sold that kid a shotgun. The background system should have flagged this kid. He should not have been able to buy a gun.

Tell me about your dad, who started the company.

He was a complicated guy. He had a great heart, but he always had a bit of an inferiority complex. He always had something to prove. I think his fear of failure is what really drove him. He was a really tough, old-school guy. This was a time that you just never told your kids you love them. His view was, “We’ll make a man out of you.”

I didn’t want to work for my dad. I wanted to go out and do my own thing. But when I was 13, I went to work. We’re this really small, family, little corner sporting goods store. The family went and worked and tried to help out.

What did your dad do wrong as a businessman?

My dad never had a plan. He ran the business by the seat of his pants. His idea around buying was, “You got a hunch, you buy a bunch.” We were always close to going out of business. He always owed the bank money. He always owed the vendors money. He always paid them, but he was always in debt. Our garage would be filled with excess merchandise: Coleman coolers, propane fuel, white gas.

His management style was as haphazard as his buying habits. He played people one off the other. You can’t do that. You have to have specific roles and functions. And if you pick somebody who’s going to be your right-hand guy, then that’s the guy.

How did you take control of Dick's?

I fell in love with the business, but my father still owned the company. He was a tough taskmaster, and at times unfair. It was just his way of kind of making a man out of you. I didn’t particularly like working for my father.

We got into a spirited conversation one day, and he stuck his finger in my face and said, “If you think you’re such a smart goddamn son of a bitch, go down to the bank, get your own line of credit and buy me out.” So that’s what I did. I went down to the bank, got it put together, came back and said, “We’re ready to go.”

What don’t people understand about growing a business?

It’s not a straight line. You’re going to have ups and downs. You’re going to have those quiet introspective moments where you go, “What am I doing?” You’re going to have those days of self-doubt. And you’ve got to just power through them. But we almost went out of business.

How did you go from being a local retailer to a big-box store?

We built a bigger store. The first store my father built was 5,000 square feet. The second store was 2,800 square feet. Then we went to Syracuse and did a 20,000-square-foot store. That was a huge, huge difference. We were just shocked at how much business we did. The guys from Nike said, “Hey Dick, you’ve got to be really proud of these kids. They’re doing a lot of business.”

My father, who could never really quite give you a compliment, looked at them and said, “You’re right, they did a lot of business. They did 25 percent more business than they thought they would the first month. So they’re not really as smart as they think they are.” That was him to a tee.

So we built this store, did really well, and then we just started opening these 20,000- and 25,000-square-foot stores.

How did you almost go out of business?

The business outstripped our management’s ability, including my own, to run the business. We finally talked to G.E. Capital in New York, which was the lender of last resort before you called Tony Soprano. And I didn’t want to call Tony Soprano.

I’d never been in a building like G.E. Capital’s: big conference room, 10 people firing questions at us, saying, “Why did you do this? How did this happen?” This is like our last resort. If this doesn’t work, there’s talk about filing for bankruptcy or selling the company.

They fired questions at us left and right, and we answered them, and I finally said, “Let me tell you something. This is what happened, this is why it happened, this is what we’ve done about it and this is why it’s never going to happen again.”

There was a guy sitting over in the corner, and I didn’t pay any attention to him. He never asked a question, was never involved in the meeting. After the meeting, he came over and sat down, looked at me and said, “What’s it going to take for you to shake my hand right now that we’ll agent your loan?”

The lesson I learned is the guy in the room who’s not saying anything, he’s the decision maker. Beware of the guy in the room who sits in the corner and doesn’t say anything. I told him how much money we needed and when we needed it by. He looked at me and shook my hand and said, “We’ll make this happen.” That saved the company.

What did you learn from that experience?

You look into the halls of hell, and near-death experience changes you. We slowed the growth down. We said, “We’re not going to open any stores for the next couple of years.” We got our inventory under control, we got our expenses under control and we learned from our mistakes.

The experience is on the list of mistakes I made. I wouldn’t say it’s a regret, because we learned a lot from it. One of the reasons we’re in the position we’re in right now is because of it. One of the things I learned from that is I don’t want to have debt; I don’t want to owe anybody any money.

What’s the difference between a mistake and a regret?

A regret is something that you wish you could take back. You go, “If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t do it because it didn’t turn out very well.” A mistake is something that you did that you learned from, that at the end of the day it helped make you who you are today.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I don’t have a lot of regrets.

#Dicks Sporting Goods #Guns

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cynically-optimistic · 5 years

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With a week to sit back and think “what the fuck did I just watch,” I thought I would now do a review of American Horror Story: Apocalypse.

As we know (and may or may not agree upon) ahs8 had its various strengths and weaknesses. Many aspects of this season I found riveting but unfortunately by the end of episode 10, the season is left chalked full of plot holes and continuity errors that effectively make so much of this particular story obsolete. This season had all of the components we have loved for years and the potential to be the most amazing season yet, however it fell flat either in the writers room or the editing room. They cultivated this story for 8 years but with the vast underdevelopment of this season and it’s protagonists, they have effectively caused us to ask more questions like what was the entire point of season 8 of American Horror Story?

So here are some notable plot holes and criticisms I have for AHS: Apocalypse.

First and foremost, my biggest problem with this season is that we have almost no information about Mallory at all and they never spend time developing her character. And what the actual fuck is she? There is no way she is a witch, and this season was drastically underwhelming in this regard. I think we were all expecting an epic, biblical battle for the end of days to be fought between the Antichrist and the second coming of Christ or even an Archangel, but no such luck. It is only ever said that Mallory is just a witch...just a witch who got on my fucking nerves. We spent the whole season in flashbacks pertaining to Michael and never developing Mallory any further beyond “oh well her powers are cool,” and honestly, what gives? She has these amazing powers, never before seen by the witches, and we’re just supposed to believe that she isn’t some sort of celestial being? By the time she does defeat Michael, she is not a character we empathize with, she was basically an empty shell of the potentially badass character she was supposed to be. She has all of these powers and runs a 4 year old Michael Langdon over with an SUV...thrice….three times… Mallory could have been an amazing character and I would have completely rooted for her to defeat Michael with all the righteousness of Heaven, regardless of his tragic backstory that the writers spent too fucking long cultivating. But since we know practically nothing about her, all I can say is that she’s just ended up being a dick who murdered a child. Yeah, he was going to end the world, but he had the potential to be turned around, as depicted in his extensive backstory. Too many people wanted him to survive and just be allowed to end the world because Cody Fern is hot and Michael Langdon falls into the typical “tragic backstory, white, villain dude who is moderately conventionally attractive and therefore should be allowed to murder people without scrutiny.” He fits in that trope to a T and it works regardless of it being a tired trope fandom culture tends to fawn over. But no, I truly think, because of the amount of time they cultivated his character in both the light and dark, he could’ve been not such an evil son of a bitch. I cannot say the same for other examples of this trope like Tate Langdon, or Kylo Ren from Star Wars, or even Loki to some extents. This paragraph was supposed to be about Mallory but here again, I have veered into talking about Michael since he is her direct counterpart with way more backstory. I wish I had more to say about Mallory but she was such a blank slate. It’s sad that Coco of all people had more of a personality and backstory. We knew everything we needed to know about Coco and we knew literally NOTHING about Mallory. Ugh. In no way is this a criticism of Billie Lourd, I honestly think she just fell victim to bad writing this time around.

How did Emily and Timothy conceive the new antichrist when in season 1, Billie directly states that the antichrist, who would bring about the end of days, had to be conceived via human and spirit - like Michael. Furthermore, what is this “special DNA” Emily and Timothy have? We can surmise that it makes antichrists but HOW? And how did the Cooperative isolate and identify this DNA makeup to send these two individuals to Outpost 3 in the first place? And if the Cooperative knew that they could potentially make a new antichrist, did Michael know about it? My guess is no, but we will never know. Which begs the question, is the new anti christ going to be worse and if so, what was even the point of this season? Either way, in a few years, the entire world is fucked…again. The only redeemable aspect of that for Michael was that he craved to be loved and spent most of his time looking for someone to care about him rather than carrying out the Devil’s plans. Constance didn’t do this so he went searching for it and was systematically turned away which lead him right into the arms of his true father. This new kid is deeply loved by Emily and Timothy, and without the potential failsafe of him wishing to be loved and cared for, I believe this kid will be so much worse than Michael.

What is the Rubberman? The only new information we have gotten on this since season 1 is from Cody who says that Rubberman is not always Michael or Tate, but something else entirely. Like what? A demon? And it’s literally never addressed. Rubberman shows up unexpectedly (unexpectedly because you know, the world ended…) in Outpost 3, fucks Mr Gallant (why doesn’t he have a first name by the way? ) and is then the catalyst for Mr Gallant murdering his grandmother. So what exactly is this entity?

Also, what was the Sanctuary supposed to be? I don’t think it was just bullshit on Michael’s part to fuck with the desperate people in the Outposts. I do believe there was a sanctuary but we never see it and we never get any further information. I saw some interesting theories that maybe the Sanctuary is the Murder House, which would have been so interesting given that everyone in there rejected Michael, but he might still care about them, and potentially save the house in the nuclear blasts.

{Trigger Warning for sexual assault on this one regarding Tate Langdon} I think the theory Madison has about Murder House is a little off base. She tells Violet that the house made Tate evil but… here’s the thing: yes, we have watched the house and it’s resident ghosts interfere and influence people’s actions, but ultimately they all make their own choices, like Lorraine who set the house on fire which killed herself and her two daughters, and then influences Ben’s sleepwalking and fabricating his obsession with fire, but nothing drastic ever comes from this. So, I honestly don’t believe the house forced Tate to set Larry on fire (as revenge for Larry killing Beau) and shoot up his high school, killing 15 people, because those atrocities did NOT take place in the house. I don’t even know if I can believe that the house possessed and forced him to r*pe Viven and impregnate her with Michael but that seems to be the only horrific thing he did that could even begin to be blamed on the house. The house is a Hellmouth but doesn’t affect those who leave it’s property lines apart from encouraging them to return, almost like an addiction, but one that you can dismiss by just not going back to the house. So while Return to Murder House is a lovely nostalgic experience, I call bullshit. Ultimately though, I do think Madison was just trying to help and give the souls trapped there a little peace which was nice of her, but I’m not fully convinced she was right about Tate.

What happened to Kyle? This season was a crossover between Murder House and Coven but he is never mentioned by Madison or Zoe and is never shown at Miss Robichaux’s Academy. So where is our favorite unproblematic zombie Evan Peters at?

One huge problem I had with this season was Cordelia. She spent this entire season fighting her own fear of decay and death, while trying not to be like Fiona, and ultimately bringing them all to their doom. She sees a vision of the future apocalypse and every single step she takes thereafter to avoid it is a contributing factor that leads them all directly to it. Michael only fully set his sights on murdering all of the witches after Cordelia burnt Ms. Mead at the stake. Mead wasn’t even a witch, so how was that acceptable under witch law? Cordelia wasn’t even allowed to light the fire to burn the warlocks, so how was she allowed to murder a normal human? Mead may have been a ruthless spy and a satanist, but she was human all the same. Then Cordelia tells Michael, as he is devastated to find the charred corpse of Ms. Mead, that he can still choose to be good. Let’s be real, anyone of us would tell her to fuck off and set our sights on revenge if she did that to one of our loved ones. By having another maternal figure taken away from Michael, the only one who accepted and loved him (in her own way) Cordelia put the nails in her own coffin and that of the world. She is among the notable figures that push him along the darkest path, such as Constance, Ben, Tate, Viven, the Warlocks, Ms. Mead (even though she loved him, she loved Lucifer more), the Satanists, The Cooperative, and Mutt & Jeff. He is manipulated at every turn to bring about a future of mass destruction that other people want, and Cordelia was a definite contributor, but let it be known that Michael’s actions are ultimately his own.

The fact that Madison never met Charles, Nora, or Thaddeus while she was at the Murder House is a travesty. That would have been SOOOO interesting.

What the fuck was Ms. Venable’s issue? She was such an asshole to everyone and we never really figure out why other than she works for a bunch of idiots.

I enjoyed the culture around the warlocks because it was so ridiculous, they were the whiniest bunch of assholes, but I also hated this because they were the whiniest bunch of asshole. They were so desperate to overthrow Cordelia, even though none of them even come close to being able to do so (sorry not sorry boys) that they basically invite the apocalypse into their school. The only one who was like “nah, this is probably a bad idea,” was John Henry Moore, played by the incomparable Cheyenne Jackson, who I wish had bigger role to play in this storyline. He was the only warlock worth a damn, but ultimately they were all murdered. Or wait, no they weren’t. Time travel..

Some of the things changed by Mallory’s time traveling:

The warlocks are never murdered but they are still a bunch of whiny assholes

Tate and Violet don’t get back together (good)

Michael never destroys those nice lesbians’ souls, or anyone souls, which is good but who knows what this new Antichrist is capable of and when he will begin to tap into those powers

Constance (as far as we know) doesn’t commit suicide in the Murder House

Moira never finds peace in the light with her mom

Viven and Ben never reconcile

Which also means that Ben is still spending all of his time with Tate and crying while he masturbates out the window so…

Michael never lives in the Murder House

Ben never connects with Michael, Tate never screams at him in disgust, and Viven never tries to kill him

Queenie is never murdered in the Hotel Cortez by Ramona Royale and James Patrick March

Cordelia never has to bring Myrtle back from the dead, so she is still gone

Madison is still trapped in her own personal hell and Mallory doesn’t feel the need to bring her back even though Madison was way more useful this season than Mallory was. We knew Madison, we cared about her, we watched her grow into being a caring person this season, and Mallory is the self righteous ass that thinks Madison doesn’t deserve to leave hell

Michael is never taken in by Ms Mead. He never attends Black Mass and he never eats that poor girl’s heart (all of this was encouraged and initiated by the Satanists - not Michael)

Marie Laveau is still in hell with Papa Legba. She was anyway because Michael ripped her heart out of her chest 2 seconds after she got back but she never returned at all thanks to Mallory

Dinah obviously never gets her talkshow but she is still out here being shady as fuck and will inevitably betray the witches and voodoo queens again, probably for a fucking talkshow, when the new antichrist is running around burning the world down

The end of days doesn’t come, but again, we don’t know that for sure. At best, Mallory only bought the world and the witches a few extra years. So we can only really say that the apocalypse might not happen the exact way Michael (the Cooperative) makes it happen

Some of the thing I actually liked about this season:

THE ENTIRE FIRST HALF WAS INCREDIBLE and it’s really the lack of development throughout the final 4 or 5 episodes I had an issue with

Cody Fern is undeniably a spectacular performer and I very much enjoyed all of the layer and nuance that he brought to the character of Michael Langdon even though in the end it didn’t amount to much. Still, I can’t wait to see what he does next.

I have always loved Cordelia, and even though I very much expected her to be an influence of growth for Mallory and she never really got there, she was still a lovely presence and she spoke some of my favorite lines in this season being “Satan has one son, but my sisters are a legion, motherfucker,” and “I only knew you for a short time, but I missed you forever.”

DayFoxx or MistyXCordelia. You cannot convince me they are not in love, you just can’t. Their interactions were nothing short of magic.

Other than DayFoxx interactions, hands down the best line was, “the stew is Stu!”

Return to Murder House was arguably one of the best episodes of the entire series, directed by one of our high queens, Sarah Paulson in her directorial debut. It had everything we loved about season 1 and I would have loved to watch 5 hours of Madison walking through Murder House, meeting all the ghosts, instead of the last 5 hours of the season we got.

As much as I grew to hate Constance this season, it was still so lovely to have our Queen Jessica Lange back.

Sign me up anytime to see Angela Bassett as Marie Laveau like holy hell yes

I absolutely LOVED the idea of Zoe being a teacher at the Academy.

We could have all benefited from seeing more of Bubbles. Joan Collins was a fantastic addition to the AHS family.

FRANCIS CONROY. Need I say more? I don’t but I will, Myrtle dragging the patriarchy cleansed my soul

It was actually really lovely to see Connie Britton as Viven again. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Viven and I feel terrible for everything she has been through. She never gets closure because of Mallory’s new timeline but I just hope she does find peace at some point.

With this rich of a storyline, I think we can all agree that 10 episodes was simply not enough to fully deliver this story after a build up of 8 years. Other seasons of AHS range from 11 to 13 episodes, with the exception of Roanoke which was also only 10 episodes. But with those extra hours, Apocalypse could have been incredible. There simply wasn’t enough time, and what time they did have and utilize was almost entirely spent on Michael which we find didn’t matter at all by the end.

Leave your thoughts in the comments if you have anything you’d like to add.

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gregspaper-blog · 5 years

Text

Hard

This paper could be important. But only if we make it. Greg’s story did not end well. Maybe if we talk about all this more, others’ stories won't end the same way.

Hard

my desires are unnatural,

not as He planned.

i have never acted,

but He knows all.

He knows what i think of him,

how i think of him.

how i feel for him.

He knows what i am.

He will deem me unworthy of His love,

because i crave his.

if i am unworthy in His eyes,

what will i be in theirs?

this is not what they planned,

not what they wanted.

do they know what i think?

what i feel?

this is what makes me different from them.

He will know,

but they will never.

how do i seek His forgiveness,

when it is my thoughts that are the sin?

how do i find their acceptance,

if i don’t have His?

what am i if i’m not enough

for Him?

for them?

who am i if i’m not enough

for Him?

for them?

where do I go from here

if there’s no way up?

______________________________________________________________________________

Let me give you some background information on who wrote this.

The boy who wrote this (we’ll call him Greg- not his real name but it’ll do) killed himself on March 24, 2019. He was 21 years old- would have been 22 exactly a month later.

I peer edited Greg’s papers for four years before he took his own life- I was two years older than him. The first paper was his college essay as part of a mentorship program his senior year of high school- it was phenomenal. About nine months after that he reached back out saying he was failing some college classes and asked if I’d edit some of his papers for $10 each- I happily agreed, I was broke. These new papers were messy and disorganized, when I asked him about it he just said he was having a hard time adjusting to college life and always felts distracted when writing.

The papers got better over time- I think his focus came back and he was began to get more adjusted. A lot of the papers I edited were psychology papers- I knew more about his life, feelings and family then I do about some of my best friends.

Greg and I had an interesting relationship that was hard to label. I was editing about one paper a week, usually committing around three to six hours to it with edits and re-edits. I can genuinely say that I felt like I knew him. His writing was so beautiful and personal; the content was equally beautiful and personal while also being complicated and relatable. But at the same time this relationship can hardly be considered a friendship because he gave me his emotional everything in some of the papers, and all I gave him were edits- never offering him any details about my own life. We never even really talked in person-just always over text, email or Google Doc’s chat. And these conversations were always focused on his papers (it just so happened that many of those papers were filled with self-analysis of his life and feelings in a personal and psychological way).

Despite how well I thought I knew him, I did not know his was suicidal. And I also did not know he was gay. Let me tell you what I did know about him. I knew he was salutatorian in high school. I knew in high school he ran track and played in the band- neither of which he made the team for in college. I knew he loved to sing. I knew he was quick to laugh. I knew he hated salami. I knew he loved his family. I knew he knew his family loved him. I knew that despite knowing this he still felt isolated from them. I knew change was hard for him. I knew he was deeply religious. I knew he went to church every Sunday and read the bible daily. I knew that his family was deeply religious. I knew he craved his family’s and God’s approval. I knew the God he believed in and the church he went to had very strict views on sensitive subjects (suicide, LGBTQ community, guns, drinking, gambling, etc). I knew he had anxiety. I knew he had depression. I knew he had OCD. I knew he was on medication for all three. I knew he was actively participating in therapy sessions.

I also know that on the day he died, Greg went to church- that is where he opted to spend some of his last hours. And that church refused to hold his funeral service because they believed suicide is a sin.

Now back to the poem.

How did I not know he was gay after that poem? Because I didn’t read it. Not until after he had died, while I was obsessing over any of his old emails or papers I could find- as one naturally does after losing someone. This particular poem he sent me for a poetry class he had enrolled in at the beginning of the semester. However hours after sending it (before I’d even seen the first email) he sent another saying he’d decided to drop the class and take another, asking me to edit a different paper instead. I was busy and distracted and thought nothing of it- editing the other paper that night, never giving the poem a glance or thought. Until I found the email again after he died.

When Greg killed himself he deleted everything off of his computer, phone and tablet- every text, every email, every documents and clearing all of his accounts. I can only assume he didn’t want his parents to see what he had on there, didn’t want them to obsessive over him anymore than they already would. This poem was never submitted to that poetry class. It was deleted from his email. The document deleted from his computer. It is very likely I was the only one to ever see it. His parent’s never did. They might not have even known. And I will never be the one to tell them. It was Greg’s choice who he told and I will not take that choice away from him. I don’t know his parents. What if Greg’s fears were true and him being gay negatively affects how they remember him now that he’s gone?

I can only hope I wasn’t the only one he ever tried to tell. Maybe he told a friend. Or a cousin. Or maybe even his parents- I really have no way of knowing. I hope he told someone, and someone told him is was OKAY to be himself and that he was loved.

I’m sharing this poem and his story with you now because I believe there is something to be learned from all of this. I just don't know what that something is. I’m not anti-religious. I don’t think God is bad. I hope there is a God. And I hope he proved every one of Greg’s fears wrong. Make of this story what you will. And share this story, talk about it. That way if there’s any other Gregs out there they won’t feel so alone. And please respect the anonymity of this paper and Greg’s identity. I only feel as though I can share this story now because I am only sharing his story- not his identity or personal details. This anonymity makes me feel as though I am not betraying Greg’s trust- please don’t take that away from me.

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xiucas · 6 years

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“媽咪, 我哋要去哪裡?” mama, where are we going?

a - “i’m american, actually.”

it’s quite often that people mistake joshua for being foreign by good ol’ fashion assumptions of race. while he was originally born in hong kong, joshua was adopted by an american family when he was four years old.

b - brave

while he would never consider himself to be as such, joshua is the first person to jump in defense of those he cares for. and on top of that, he goes into haunted buildings for a hobby/living so he isn’t exactly easy to spook.

c - “our last name is clark.”

he was adopted at four years old, raised within a large family of other adopted siblings. it was strange, having to learn a new language and take on a whole new life. and that new life began with a new name. huang li jie became joshua clark.

d - dishi

dishi, a beloved stuffed rabbit he brought to boston with him after the adoption was finalized. it is the only keepsake he possesses that was given to him by this birth mother. it has been repaired so often, joshua has lost count how many times his mom stitched him back together. now that he’s on his own, the young man has taken up the repairs on his own. he plans to die with that rabbit by his side.

e - eight

it was around eight years old that the nightmares finally started to fade, a relief to his family as it had been difficult to endear. years of this tiny soul crawling into beds that he could find, seeking comfort from whomever would give it to him. perhaps not every night, but consistent. the wet streets disappeared, the incoherent rabble of cantonese shouting ebbed away. and the tears evaporated upon a face he had begun to forget.

f - “you are my best friend.”

he had always felt on the outs growing up, always being the weird kid that talked too much and made people question if he was normal or not. it took him ages, but in school he found someone to trust, someone who didn’t treat him like a freak. elliot kelly was there for him through his awkward stages up through his present as he embarks on adulthood with a college degree under his belt and a dream of youtube stardom. if there is one person on earth that he would call his most trusted and best friend, it’s him.

g. “ghosts, man! ghosts!”

it had started as a joke, a passing conversation of what it would be like to have it. and then it became a reality when joshua came home one day with a new expensive camera and a passion to take a chance. who cares if it didn’t pan out, it would be fun just to mess around with the idea and maybe have a good time doing it. besides i mean, ghosts, man! ghosts!

h - “hauntings aren’t always about apparitions and cold spots. sometimes it’s just a feeling.”

during his internship at a tech company, the channel began to pick up traction and with the addition of their mutual friend, percy, they had a full-fledge channel. subscribers were pouring in and suddenly they were making money off of their channel and not just messing around with a camera. soon, people were inviting them to their alleged haunted buildings, and suddenly it wasn’t a hobby anymore. he abandoned his internship to put his focus purely in the channel. and they’ve recently hit their first million subscribers.

i - “i love you.”

romance was fleeting, something that joshua had never put too much effort into. especially considering he never thought he was particularly interesting. attractive, sure, but that was only skin deep. martha parker was the first girl that joshua ever said i love you to. and while it may not have lasted, it never faded but simply evolved into an unbreakable bond. sometimes your first love is meant for more than just a memory.

j - “i actually like jogging.”

by the time high schoo hit, joshua had grown into himself somewhat and the overwhelming awkwardness gave way to a more charming awkward. however, instead of throwing himself into multiple relationships in his teenage years, he spent most of it in the gym with his peers working out. he enjoys fitness and is more often in motion than not. he is the type to suggest going on a hike before going to the movies.

k - kin

family? friends? his entire family is based on you make your family; it isn’t always blood. and it’s with this example that joshua has lived his entire life as making his own family. his friendships are an extension of that body, of that ever evolving nervous system. it is why he only keeps positive influences in his life.

l - last minute snack run

there is no shortage of junk in the kelly/clark household. so much so in fact that he will drop everything if he has a craving something unhealthy for him. he may be a fitness nerd, but you better believe he needs his cheetos or else there will be hell to pay.

m - maya

a twitch goddess, a crush, a friendship. this girl is someone that joshua would likely drop everything for if she ever asked it of him. he may not know it yet but she has ‘love of my life’ radiating off her in waves, in the way she smiles and the way she moves. he may be a fool, but he is determined to not screw it up. maya is a once in a lifetime type of person. even an idiot can see that.

n - “you’re damn right i’m into that nerd shit!”

growing up joshua often struggled to bond with his peers as he tended to not enjoy the same things as the other kids his age. up until middle school, joshua tended to avoid sports (until he realized he was good at them), and often preferred the company of books and film. that extended to comic books as well, and sometimes got mocked for it while growing up. and even now, as he would consider himself confident in who he is, he will be the first to defend this so called ‘nerd shit’.

o - “ooooooooooh!”

it’s not to say that he’s an idiot, but he can sometimes come off like one because he struggles to pay attention to things. especially on the first time around. often, you might have to repeat yourself before he truly comprehends what you said. he’ll get there, give him a minute.

p - “which parents do you want me to talk about cuz--it’s not that easy.”

joshua is adopted, a member of the extensive clark clan. while he appreciates his family more than he can say; he had a very stable childhood. however, his biological family is something that has been a bit of a mystery for him. his memories are hazy if not filled with faceless people speaking in unintelligible mumbles. he was too young to remember. but joshua is tenacious, and he isn’t willing to let it fade with time.

q - “oh do you remember this quote from--”

this kid is constantly quoting things from books, tv shows, and movies. in fact, it could be argued that the majority of his personality was formed from the media. odds are, he is the one in the group who is snapping his fingers and flailing quite ostentatiously trying to remember the quote from something he watched the other day that is relevant to the conversation. or so he thinks.

r - reason to smile

his happy place is the editing room, listening to music while they attempt to get the best content out of their footage as possible. this is usually all three of them collaborating together so everyone has equal say in what they put out there for everyone to watch. they are a team, and it’s one of the best things in the world for joshua to be a part of it. it’s his favorite thing in the entire world.

s - shelter

never one to waste free time, with what little he has joshua gives it to the local no-kill animal shelter where he spents a few hours a week taking care of the animals and helping them get adopted to good homes. he often begs his roommate if he can bring animals home often met with a negative response. even so, he is the one who is out in the yard playing with the dogs to make sure they get socialized.

t - trust

he may come off fun-loving and without a care in the world, but trust is something that isn’t easily won with him considering his circumstances. if you cross him or someone who he cares for deeply, it is likely you will never possess his earnest trust. it’s just the luck of the draw.

u - "what are you doing with my underwear?”

please, if you think this kid is basic, you haven’t been paying attention to him at all. he may have basics in his drawers, but this kid is the type to go into a store and see spongebob boxer briefs and immediately buy them because its god damn spongebob, guys! he is whimsical with his clothes most of the time, so his underwear can’t be boring either.

v - “we’re on vacay!”

joshua is planning a trip to hong kong to take over the holidays as he continues on his journey to find his birth mother. he’s unaware of the journey is going to take him right to his backyard, but for the time being, he is enjoying the planning portion of the trip. after all, he is learning about where he came from and also going away on location. what could go wrong...

w - “you are the fuckin’ worst!”

he is no saint, and he has his fair share of bad habits. like leaving his dirty clothes all over the place, leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor, and leaving empty energy drink cans all over the place. he is a god damn mess and i feel terrible for people who have to live with him. sorry, elliot.

x - “i still think xena is hot!”

strong women are kind of a thing for joshua, as he has a tendency to crave structure, a thing he has been severely lacking since moving out on his own. women who know what they want and aren’t afraid to admit it are his kink. if you boss him around he will listen like the dutiful young man he is.

y - “youtube is paying us, bro!”

it seems new subscribers come in waves as each day passes and because of this, joshua is spending a lot of his time collaborating with other content providers, local historians, and anyone who will listen to him ramble in order to provide the best content to their audience. he is hardworking to the end, especially considering they are making that youtube cash!

z - “zombies terrify the shit out of me, please don’t--”

that’s it. zombies freak him out. please don’t dress up as one and spook him, he will literally squeal like a girl and throw something at your face. proceed with caution.

! - “oh shit!”

nothing elaborate to put here, the boy just has a terrible mouth and tends to curse more often than not. someone get soap for this child’s mouth, it’s dirty.

, - “listen,”

he often has to explain how much of a trash can he is. trust me, he is well aware of his own shortcomings.

? - “huh?”

sorry, you are going to have to repeat yourself a lot, but that’s okay, because you never know if he’s playing a prank on you or if he genuinely wasn’t paying attention. can he be trusted? that’s a fair question.

: - “you ARE the father 2: electric boogaloo”

joshua will be meeting his birth father, a rather cataclysmic ending to his birth mother journey that will require a lot of explanations, shouting matches, and trying to come to terms with the fact that sometimes, young people just make mistakes and there is no real rhyme or reason as to why anything happens. parents are people too, kids. don’t forget that.

#gravityrp #development #character stuff #rp stuff #myedit #c: joshua clark #omfg this took 20 years but i finally finished it!#and it's not really great i feel terrible about it #but here we are! accept my son!

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teacupfullofstars · 3 years

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Would you rather writing edition:

Questions from: @ Kate Cavanaugh on YouTube Tagged by @a-third-attempt

Would you rather write:

1. In a historical or futuristic setting

I love period settings but with a fantasy twist. The aesthetics of older time period are so enticing to me. If you’ve seen my blog castles, ball gowns, and old paintings are a few of my favorite things and inspire many of my stories.

2. The opening chapter or closing chapter

Most likely an opening chapter. I some times have a hard time finding an ending to my stories I REALLY like but I tend to know how I like to start things.

3. Light & fluffy or dark & gritty

I like to keep things over all happy as I used to write dark stories and it took a toll on my mental health. My stories tend to be fantasies about relationships and experiences I’d like. I do put in some darker things to add interest as life does naturally have conflict but my protags always make it though. And all my stories have happy ending so if that’s not for you well....

4. Animal companion or found family

My characters almost always have a new family that truly loves them as well as an animal companion or multiple. I see animals as family so I have to say both.

5. Horror or Romance

I am a romance writer through and though. Everything I write focuses on love as it’s something I deeply crave in my own life. Some times there can be a bit of horror since I also tend to write mostly exophilia and well some monsters can be scary. But it’s mostly about romance.

6. A hard or soft magic system

I tend to do soft cause if I spend too much time thinking about how things work I get overwhelmed. Also as a Wiccan I find magic is different for everyone and you can often make up your own rules. So I use that in my stories when it comes to fantasy magic.

7. Only standalone’s or series

I mostly do standalone’s kinda like romance novelist. Though if I like an idea enough I would not be opposed to continue it.

8. 1 project at a time (start to finish) or always juggling 2+

I have over 30 ideas in a list and 3 WIPs atm I’m always coming up with new ideas for better or for worse.

9. One award winner or one bestseller

I really dislike critics in most media cause they seem to hate fun. Also most romance novels get shit on my critics anyways. So it doesn’t matter to me if they like my work enough to give me some award. What matters is the fans are entertained.

10. Fantasy or Sci-fi

Fantasy!! ALL THE TIME! Real life bores me. I want dragons and orcs, vampires and elves! Fancy magic! I want to disappear into a land where animals talk and dishes wash themselves! And I know a lot of other people do too so I write fantasy.

11. Character or setting description

This is once again both I and like Tokin I LOVE in-depth details about EVERYTHING people, animals, clothes, rooms, EVERYTHING. Some people hate it but I want to my readers to see the world I see in my head.

12. First or final draft

I have not gotten near a final draft since middle school since high school almost killed my love of writing forever. Someday I will have a finished and published story though. It’s never too late.

13. Literary or genre “commercial”

I’m not quite sure what this means but if you mean what genre do I write? Fantasy/Romance.

14. Love triangle in everything or no romantic arcs

Love triangles ONLY if they end with a healthy poly relationship.

15. Constant sandstorm or rainstorm

Most likely rain cause I’ve never been in a sandstorm but I have been in a monsoon that flooded most of my town.

#og #writing #wip #fantasy #romance #books #writers of tumblr #tag game

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easyhairstylesbest · 3 years

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Ella Hunt on Masking Sue's Grief and Playing Emily's Muse in 'Dickinson' Season 2

There’s nothing conventional about Dickinson, the Apple TV+ series that dramatizes the world and works of Emily Dickinson (Hailee Steinfeld) into a 30-minute sitcom-esque serial. Whereas season 1 gently blurred the boundaries between fantasy and reality (a Jason Mantzoukas-voiced bee visits the poet during an opium-induced bender; Emily imagines escaping to the circus after a vicious fight with her father), season 2 edges further into surreality, from regular visits with a ghostly manifestation of Dickinson’s famous “Nobody” to a hallucinated heart-to-heart with Central Park architect Frederick Law Olmsted (Timothy Simons).

It all culminates in a trip to the opera in episode 6, which represents an emotional juncture for the poet: on one hand, she’s scorned by her editor, Sam Bowles (Finn Jones), for perceived romantic advances (she just feels too much, you see!); on the other, she enters a near-religious rapture during the performance, imagining that her estranged lover and sister-in-law Sue (Ella Hunt) is singing her poem “Split the Lark” onstage.

This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

“I was really trying to write a version of a psychological thriller,” Dickinson creator Alena Smith tells ELLE.com of the episode, also titled “Split the Lark.” “A sense of angles and surfaces slipping under each other and nobody quite knows what anyone else is thinking or feeling—and the audience doesn’t know either.”

It’s a particularly destabilizing effect when it comes to Smith’s interpretation of Emily. She cannot divorce the emotional from the artistic, so even bruises like Bowles’ rejection can manifest in a sort of creative ecstasy. Whereas another character would sink into despair, Emily is soon distracted and overcome by the art she’s witnessing in real-time—so much so that it causes her to hallucinate Sue, her greatest muse, performing her own work.

For Hunt, the episode offered an opportunity to flex her own singing skills while building upon the version of Sue Emily idolizes in her mind. “It was exciting to enjoy the freedom that Emily’s surreal sequences give us, to do something that [the real] Sue would never do,” she says. “To be standing in that incredible gold dress and singing and looking into Hailee’s eyes was the most wonderful shooting experience.”

It’s a blissful interlude in a season steeped in private battles. As Emily wars with the prospects of fame and fortune, Sue masks the agony of a miscarriage by throwing the most glamorous parties in the county. For the first time in their relationship, the two women are incapable of giving the other exactly what she needs, and a distance threatens to engulf them for good.

Below, Hunt opens up to ELLE.com about transforming Sue for season 2, the grief her character carries with her, and why Emily has always been Sue’s endgame.

Last year you told me that Sue would be a completely different person in season 2. Can you talk me through transforming into “influencer Sue” and how you prepared for it?

I knew when I signed onto season 1 that the Sue of the history book was this infamous hostess socialite. It was a bizarre thing, actually, shooting season 1 and playing this very grounded, pained, mourning-stricken Sue when I knew that, at some point, we were going to get around to her being this fabulous hostess. She’s like a girl you knew in school who went home for the summer as this prim, quiet kid and comes back in September as the queen bee with the best clothes and the most money.

I had a lot of conversations with Alena about how we ground Sue’s transition in understanding why she’s doing that: what she’s been through and how the mourning she’s experienced in the past, coupled with the miscarriage, impacts her. I think the way she’s written Sue this season, the audience has a lot of windows into moments of Sue in pain and trying to hide it and push it beneath the parties, the clothes, and the house.

Did you bring any threads from season 1?

Oh, for sure. Hailee and I talked a lot about finding moments in the season, particularly right in the first episode and in some of the later episodes, where we see the original Sue coming out. And really, Emily brings out Sue’s true self. I love in the edit, there’s a moment in episode 1 where Sue’s looking at herself in the mirror. It’s like she almost doesn’t recognize herself. She takes a deep breath and puts a smile back on.

And there’s a moment with Austin in episode 4 when he comes in and tells her that the twins are going to move in with them. She’s so cold and vicious to him when he’s in the room, but the minute he’s out, she curls up in a ball and we have this moment of seeing how vulnerable and she is. I think Alena really, really carefully wrote and edited the story so we are constantly reminded that the old Sue is in there.

“Emily brings out Sue’s true self.”

What was one thing you wanted to convey between seasons 1 and 2?

The thing I came to set thinking about most each morning was, How do I keep the audience understanding why Sue is the way she is? How do I keep reminding them of her past and the difficulty of her life and how isolated she is? Lonely in a crowd is such a huge part of Sue this season, and actually, it’s something I haven’t been able to talk about much so far because I haven’t been allowed to talk about the miscarriage. It was a spoiler. But now that the episode is out, I can.

One of the remarkable and sad things about miscarriages is they are something women predominantly go through silently. It’s been really incredible recently, seeing how women in the public eye like Meghan Markle and Chrissy Teigen have both spoken publicly about their experiences. Shooting this arc of Sue, it was amazing to me how many women I had conversations with at work and in my family who had gone through miscarriages. They’re really not something we talk about very much. I took it as a great responsibility to portray this story of a woman violently grieving.

In the show, Sue has always existed as both herself and an image of perfection in Emily’s imagination. How do you separate those two characterizations as you perform?

Often, before we shoot a scene taking place in Emily’s imagination, I’ll have a conversation with Hailee and Alena about what they’d like to see of Sue, because at the end of the day, it’s Hailee’s Emily imagining Sue. So I often come to Hailee with questions of, “How do you think Emily is imagining Sue here?” It’s wonderful to be on a set that collaborative. And Sue is in Emily’s poetry as well, so finding the Sue of Emily’s poetry, the Sue of history, and the Sue of Alena’s imagination—it’s so many levels to be functioning on. I never get bored for a moment on the Dickinson set.

And the fallout that happens between Emily and Sue this season…Sue is responsible for a large part of it, but also Emily’s expectations of her. Emily’s so enraveled in her own personal quest to work out what she wants for herself as an artist and as a human, that at times she forgets the pain that Sue is working to suppress. She can be selfish in that way. They’re both coming at their relationship from selfish points of view.

Ella Hunt and Hailee Steinfeld in Dickinson season 2 episode 6, “Split the Lark.”

Apple

What’s going on between Sue, Emily, and Sam Bowles? We can see that Sue really wants Emily to be fulfilled as a creative, and to her, that means publishing her work under this major editor. But is Sue also self-serving? Is she trying to prove something? What was that triangle about for you?

In terms of Sue pushing Emily towards Sam, I see it as, there is a part of Sue that really believes Emily should publish. She thinks Emily’s poetry is extraordinary and wants to see it in the world, and she can’t fathom why Emily wouldn’t want that. Especially because in the first season, Emily is kind of youthfully excited by the idea of publishing her work without really thinking much deeper into the impact it could have on her as an artist—because she’s fighting the patriarchy and her father’s expectation of her. But I also think Sue wants to push away anything that makes her think or feel deeply. And Emily’s poetry is really the epicenter of that for Sue. It’s a huge responsibility to be Emily’s only reader and one Sue doesn’t feel emotionally able to handle when we meet her at the beginning of season 2.

And her own interest in Sam, I think, comes from a place of [how] women had so little power. Being a socialite was a form of power, was a way for her to get the intellectual stimulation she was craving in her life and a way of escaping, not only from the pain of her miscarriage and from the pain of Emily’s poetry, but also from a very unhappy marriage to Austin. I loved researching for this season. In the 1700s, there were these Parisian salonnières, they called themselves, and they were very wealthy women in unhappy marriages who threw these salons. They got to choose the guest list. They would choose the talking points, they got to control the conversation, and they would mediate between the men. It wasn’t only a form of intellectual stimulation; it was also political power that they didn’t have because they couldn’t vote, but they could get these men together and make them have conversations. It is an incredible form of power within a societal structure that doesn’t leave a place for women otherwise. Sue is interested in Sam because him reviewing her parties and writing about her in her newspaper gives her more of that power she otherwise wouldn’t.

Where do you see the breakdown between Sue and Austin this season?

Adrian talks about this so beautifully, that the pressure of toxic masculinity creates this environment where it’s very, very difficult for Austin not to feel like he has to tick the boxes of the grand house, the baby, the best job. He’s coming up against both wanting to be a different kind of man but also feeling the pressure of those expectations.

This is a super relevant conversation for couples now as much as then: He gets to a point where he realizes he does want to have children. Divorce isn’t something that exists in those times. They’re stuck with each other. So Austin is trying to find a delicate way of bringing children into the house, and Sue, having not communicated the pain of the miscarriage, leaves Austin in a place where he doesn’t understand why she’s so cold on the subject. If they could only communicate to each other and be honest with each other, they wouldn’t be in the situation they’re in. But at the heart of it, Austin and Sue are never going to be able to be honest with each other in the way Emily and Sue are.

Julie Kosin Senior Culture Editor Julie Kosin is the senior culture editor of ELLE.com, where she oversees all things movies, TV, books, music, and art, from trawling Netflix for a worthy binge to endorsing your next book club pick.

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Ella Hunt on Masking Sue's Grief and Playing Emily's Muse in 'Dickinson' Season 2

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Royalty (Part One)

Series Summary: (Bucky x POC! reader) After the events of CA:CW, Bucky joins the Avengers in attempting to defeat HYDRA. Reader is a former Wakandan queen who was kidnapped by HYDRA in the 1960′s and is currently a super soldier for them.

Chapter Summary: A mission with the Avengers brings back some memories Bucky wasn��t sure he wanted to regain.

Warnings: Character death (minor, I’m not that bad of a person... yet), angst.

Word Count:

Author’s note: Hello, friends! I know this chapter has been long awaited, and I’m sorry about that. Work and school have been taking up all of my time, but I’m soo excited to share this with you all! I do not know T’Challa’s actual date of birth, so I put 1985. If anyone knows it, please message me so I can edit the story. Thanks for Reading! :)

Wakanda, 1992

“T’Challa! Shuri! Come this way!” Both children began running towards their father, his arms spread as he kneeled down to give them a hug. They met him at full force, giggles escaping their mouths as it as the first time they’d seen their father in days due to his diplomatic ventures as King of Wakanda. Ramonda stood behind them, appreciating the joy that the scene in front of her displayed.

“Father, Shuri and I had a question,” T’Chaka released his children to view his son peering up at him with wide eyes, looking slightly shy and nervous.

“Yes, my son?”

“How come we’ve never met your sister? You talk about her with mother, but we never see her,” T’Challa watched his father physically recoil at the mention of his older sister. His father was the strongest man he knew, and the young boy quickly regretted asking his father a question that gave the king of an entire country such pause. T’Chaka placed on hand on each of their shoulders, consoling them both as they knew based on his reaction they had drudged up something.

“She went missing when I was young, younger than you are now, my children,” he softly smiled at both of them, “I don’t know what happened to her. I only know that she would be so very proud of the both of you, exactly as I am.”

New York, 2017

Bucky adjusted the cuffs on his jacket, looking at himself in the mirror and attempting to make himself look presentable for his undercover mission. This wasn’t his first rodeo after time in cryofreeze, but he still was nervous. He had this instinctive ache in his bones that made him feel uneasy, like something was going to jump out right whenever everyone had gotten comfortable.

“Agent Barnes, your presence is requested in the conference room by Mr. Stark,” the AI made Bucky jump as he could see his eyes widen in the mirror. While he’d being living in quarters equipped with FRIDAY and the technological advancements of the century for several months, the voice that you could just barely tell wasn’t human still alarmed him quite a bit.

He mumbled his thanks to the AI as he put his watch on and made sure his phone was plugged in by the wall. He didn’t hate all the technology of this century but he really didn’t like cellphones. That, combined with the fact that he felt uneasy about his first undercover operation with the Avengers was enough to make anyone uneasy. His dread was quickly interrupted by a voice feeding through one of the many rooms in Stark Tower.

“Barnes, I know you aren’t ignoring my or my AI,” Tony called out over the speaker, no doubt jut as ready to get this over with as everyone else. Tony Stark always enjoyed a lavish party, which was why Bucky was surprised that he, Natasha, and Sam were the only ones taking part in the small intel operation.

Bucky approached the conference room, desperately trying to loosen the tenseness that had been forming in his muscles since he tied his tie. He had cut his hair and shaved earlier in the week, hoping to not look as much like the Winter Soldier that could be so easily identified. He opened the door to the conference room, Steve and Natasha immediately giving him a nod as he closed the door behind him.

“Well, now we know what took you so long, Barnes. Glad you could finally join us,” Tony nodded at one of the empty seats on the left side of the table, Bucky sitting down next to Sam. Tony began again without much pause.

“This mission is just intel. Nat, you approach the target, get information out of him. Wilson, Barnes, you guys are there in case there is a need for back up; otherwise, let Romanoff do her thing. The point of this mission is to gain intel on a new asset HYDRA is reportedly engineering. We don’t know much, only that their intention is to use it in the same way they did the Winter Soldier,” Bucky visibly tensed as Tony pulled up several pictures of murders HYDRA had likely pulled off, the rest of Tony’s words fading into static, white noise. He felt like he couldn’t escape, like no matter how much work into getting away or getting better he put in, it wouldn’t be enough. It made him want to scream and pull out his hair and run 10 miles; he wanted to laugh out loud at the fact that he would live to be 100 years old but he couldn’t find any peace. Most people his age craved some kind of discourse, some kind of excitement; he’d take a rocking chair on some porch in South Florida any day before this shit again. He felt something touch his shin under the table, and he glanced up to see Natasha squinting at him, her chin tilted back in assessment. He felt like she was the only one who would understand him sometimes. He hated that. Not that he had a problem with Tasha, he loved her like you love a younger sister. He had a problem with the fact that someone else felt just as poorly as he had for almost as long.

Tony finally finished talking, but Bucky remained seated for a second, trying to rope it all in. He ran a hand down his face, exhaling deeply and putting his elbows on the edge of the table. He could see Steve going up to Sam in his peripheral, could he see Steve gently moving to adjust Sam’s bowtie, and Sam gently smacking his chest and laughing quietly. Bucky smirked at the idea, the breath of a memory of skinny Steve Rogers in 1939, blushing madly at the idea of holding anyone’s hand in public, and now Bucky knew he had a ring hidden in his pocket to give to Sam. Bucky wanted something like that. Someone that grounded him the way Sam did for Steve. Natasha pulled him out of his thoughts by gently touching his shoulder, gesturing towards the door while trying to meet his eyes and catch some hint that he was okay. He gave her a nod, pushing himself up from the table and moving towards the door.

“Not so fast, James. You-“

“What, Nat? What sage wisdom do you have to offer me this time? What can you say to me that is going to cure whatever the hell we’re going to find out at that dinner party? That I have to find out some guy is suffering the same fate I did? That Steve threw away three years of his life and a semblance of a good relationship with Stark for us to have to defeat God knows how many more of the same assassins we were?” Natasha let out a breath, crossing her arms over her chest and nodding towards the door.

“C’mon Barnes, you know they don’t make ‘em like they used to. There’s no way anyone could take you down. We’ve gotta leave anyway, Bucky, the gun strapped to my thigh is getting cold,” Bucky let out a breathy, humorless chuckle at her comment, placing his hands in his pockets and following her out the door.

Sam and Bucky were leaned against opposite ends of the bar, glancing around the party and trying to inconspicuously look out for Natasha, who was draped all over the side of some booth across from some sleazy guy who she had to gain intel from. All of them had earpieces that were synced together in case they needed to make a break for it. Bucky stirred from his spot when he heard heavily accented English order a drink, causing him to turn his head. All the breath in his lungs quickly left as she saw the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on leaning against the bar next to him. His eyes moved up from a pair of deadly black stilettos and a floor-length purple dress to smartly pinned back hair and black eyes. The woman tilted her chin back, glancing at Bucky.

“Purple doesn’t really seem like a fall color to me,” Bucky said before he could stop himself. He was on a mission. He was supposed to help gain intel and watch out for Nat, pass lines on this ethereal woman waiting on her amaretto sour.

“Neither is that blue suit, yet here we both are at a party in October. And if I had a say in it, we both look too good for people to care about seasonal colors,” this caused Bucky to scoff, knowing that now he probably woudn’t be able to stop the comments from coming. Even after half a century of mental and physical torture, Bucky still has a certain amount of charm.

“I was hoping someone would acknowledge the effort I put into this outfit,” this caused the woman to raise her eyebrows, and Bucky couldn’t help but notice her soft lips stretch into an easy grin.

“Well, I’m glad it could be me. My name is Adaeze, and that must make you?” She peered at him inquisitively, as if she were trying to guess who he is. He glanced at her, hoping she hadn’t started to recognize him.

“Its uhm,” he had been doing so great until this moment, so charming and peasant and now he’d forgotten his entire cover story, “its Ryan.”

Bucky wanted to crawl behind the bar and vomit. Adaeze’s amaretto sour was handed to her, and she lifted the glass in Bucky’s direction.

“To wearing the wrong colors, but meeting the right people, James,” she nodded at him, downing her drink and then leaving, He smiled at her until she walked away. He looked over at Natasha, realizing she was alone at the booth, glancing at her watch. He glanced at Sam, who looked bored out of his mind. Bucky had about thirty seconds more of clarity before he realized that the woman who said her name was Adaeze had called him James, not Ryan.

Bucky almost dropped his champagne on the way to Sam, cover be damned. Or it looked like it already was. Bucky was five steps shy of Wilson when a blood-curdling scream let out, coming from a coat closet. A woman made her way out of the small room, shouting something about someone being dead. Bucky and Sam met eyes before walking over to the room, seeing that the dead body belonged to the man Natasha was sitting with earlier.

Tony, Sam, and Natasha were all back in the conference room by the time Bucky walked in after changing, bringing Steve in tow. Bucky sat across from Sam rather than beside, deciding to give Steve the proper amount of time to mother hen around his boyfriend while Tony spoke to them about what happened.

“I wasn’t able to get any intel. He was just interested in securing plans after the gala, and he said he was going to the bathroom, and then his body was discovered,” Natasha cleared her throat after finishing her side of the story.

Tony nodded, typing away on his laptop, “Friday, can you pull security footage from the hotel please? The clip I played earlier?” The AI confirmed, the lights dimming in the room so they could all see the screen once Tony started playing the video.

“Before I play the security footage, I did some research on the supposed asset that is in the video. Her name is (Y/N) Udaku, a not-so-distant relative of our feline friend. If my research serves correctly, she is his aunt,” a picture was projected on the wall: one of T’Challa’s grandparents, a young girl in front of the couple, as well as a baby in their arms.

“She disappeared in the 1960’s as a child, and hasn’t been publicly sighted since then. At least, that’s what everyone thought,” Tony pressed play, a video of the gala in the hotel playing. The coat closet coming into view. Bucky’s stomach lurched as he saw the now dead man walk into the closet, and less than a minute later, a floor length purple dress. Bucky coughed loudly, Steve glancing back at him in confusion. Bucky nodded in his friends direction, focusing back on the screen to see the woman who claimed to be Adaeze move down the hallway and exit the hotel right before the commotion started.

SERIES TAGS: @sanjariti , @peachyysuugar , @learisa

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky x poc!reader #bucky barnes x poc #marvel #marvel fanfiction

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