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hottpinkpenguin · 1 year

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Kaz brekker with the Nightmares end eventually prompt? Male/gender neutral reader if possible and romantic! If you do it then thank you!

A/n: I always love my first fic for a new character, so thank you anon for putting Kaz Brekker on my list!! this is a tad cheesier than my normal fare but i think our brooding boy Kaz needs a little romance in his life, so here it is. Hope you love it<3

Nightmares Kaz Brekker X GN!Reader WC: 2,031 Content Warnings for: depictions of violence, dead bodies, gore; probably some non-canon details

Kaz’s legs grew heavy and stopped kicking, his back end sinking into the cold waters of Ketterdam’s harbor. Behind him, the rank stench of rotting corpses from the Reaper’s Barge hung like a cloud in the air. The lights of Ketterdam bobbed on the horizon ahead like a beacon, but it seemed with each moment Kaz was drifting further away from the shore. His fingers fumbling to grab hold of his dead brother’s jacket for flotation. He gulped at the night air in the rare moments where his head broke the surface of the waves. The salt water stung the open sores on his face and hands, his body weak from sickness and hunger. The only thought in his mind: swim.

Trying to stifle a wave of nausea, Kaz grabbed ahold of Jordie’s bobbing corpse and hauled himself as far upward above the waves as he could manage. Kaz let out a strangled sob as his brother’s dead-pale face sank an inch below the water, his lifeless eyes gaping up at the starless sky above.

“Jordie.”

Kaz choked on his brother’s name, grief and horror twining together in his chest like strangling vines. He tried to push away thoughts of giving up, of letting go of Jordie’s corpse and allowing the sea to take him.

But something deep within him burned hotter than the firepox that riddled his body. A drive to live, to fight, to survive. Kaz had always had it - he got it from Jordie, he knew. Jordie had taught him how to fight back when the world threatened to crush you. Kaz heard his older brother’s voice echo in his mind: swim, Kaz.

His vision swam with white dots, but he forced himself to kick his legs, though they felt heavy like anchors.

Swim, Kaz. Swim. The feel of his brother’s unnaturally stiff, cold skin beneath the thin, water-logged linen shirt seared itself into Kaz’s memory.

Swim. Kick. Breath. Swim. Kick. Breath.

The lights of Ketterdam drew closer.

Kick. Kick. Swim.

The faint sounds of the docks tickled his ears. Kaz’s lungs were burning, the firepox that had weakened him and taken his brother’s life making one last, desperate attempt at his strength.

Breath. Kick. Breath. Kick.

Kaz felt his leg bounce off the ragged surface of a rock. The sounds of waves lapping on a rocky coast announced his arrival at the shores of Ketterdam.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

As soon as Kaz felt the pebbles scrape his stomach, he threw himself off his brother’s dead body and emptied his stomach in the sea foam. His head spun with exhaustion, fever, and terror. Next to him, he felt his brother’s body bob against him in the waves. Kaz scrambled away from the feeling, the terror reaching a fever pitch in his mind as he began to understand what he’d done.

He turned to look back at Jordie, now face-down in the ankle deep waters along Ketterdam’s warehouse district seawall. Jordie’s stiff body was so pale it seemed to shimmer with an unnatural, sickly glow. Kaz shivered violently as panic ripped through every inch of him. Mustering all his strength, he tipped his chin towards the sky and shrieked. He screamed for everything in his life he’d once thought would keep him safe: for Jordie, for his parents, for the world he thought he knew. The shriek felt like it would tear him in half, and Kaz let himself empty the pain he felt inside into the raw dark night. When the scream finally died on his lips with a strangled sob, what was left of the boy that had been Kaz Rietveld knew he would never be the same again…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Kaz felt himself rear up out of bed, his heart racing and that shriek from so many years before fading like an echo in his ears. He was panting, his body soaked with sweat. He swiped back the stray strands of hair plastered to his flushed forehead with a gloved hand.

“Kaz?”

A familiar voice drifted through the barely open door to his private quarters above the Crow Club. Kaz felt the knot of panic in his chest loosen slightly at the sound.

“Kaz, are you alright?”

Ever respectful, you didn’t barge through the door to check on him, although Kaz could hear the tense itch of concern in your voice. Kaz let his eyes close as he tried to clamp down the lid on his memories.

“I’m fine,” he called back, although his voice wavered pathetically. There was a split second of quiet before you replied.

“Nightmares, boss?”

The question was so quiet Kaz almost didn’t hear you. He let out a shaky exhale through lips that quivered ever so slightly. A gentle tap on the door: a question.

“Come in, y/n.”

Kaz wasn’t used to letting people into his quarters. Even Inej and Jesper, his closest friends - if Kaz Brekker could be said to have such relationships - were rare guests. Kaz didn’t like that he let you in, but you felt like a tonic. It wasn’t a coincidence that Kaz had asked you to take night watches for him. Your presence seemed to ease a pain Kaz had felt for so long he’d forgotten he had it. And on nights like this one - nights where Kaz’s dreams swallowed him whole and spat him back out - he needed you close. He’d never admit it aloud, although he didn’t need to. There was an understanding between you two, a tacit agreement. You’d stay close to him, he’d look after you.

You opened the door and slipped in, a momentary brightening from the hallway lights followed by the return of darkness to Kaz’s quarters.

“They were bad tonight.” Not a question, but an observation. Kaz looked over in your direction as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He could barely make out your silhouette, although he could see the moonlight from his open window dancing in your large, thoughtful eyes. Damn those eyes, Kaz cursed to himself silently. They would be his undoing.

“Yes.”

Kaz never talked much about his dreams, even to you. He was grateful that you were content with what little information he did give. He had a feeling that you recognized just how difficult it was for him to tolerate the miniscule amounts of vulnerability he allowed you to see.

From the doorway, you nodded. You didn’t move to come closer to Kaz, and he didn’t motion for you to. You were close enough for Kaz to hear your even, steady breathing. He focused on that sound and tried to slow his own inhales and exhales to match. Even though it violated every instinct he had, Kaz let his eyelids flutter close. You hung back next to the door. The sounds of the sleeping city outside filled the quiet. Minutes passed, and Kaz let his mind loosen its grip on the fear that his nightmare had awoken.

When he opened his eyes, he found you exactly where he’d left you. Leaned against the wall, your kind eyes still trained on him. Kaz scooted up to lean back against the headboard, his bare chest now rising and falling in time with your own breathing.

“You have nightmares too, if I remember?”

Kaz caught the flicker of surprise in your gaze. Kaz usually never talked on nights like this, not unless you asked him something. Not only was he speaking, he was asking about you. Surprise gave way to a tender smirk, and you nodded.

“I did. Still do, but they’re less now.” Flickers of moments from your past that plagued your dreams danced in your head. A field of charred bodies… your sister in her favorite day dress lying face down in the blood-soaked mud next to the smoking remnants of your house… the way the smoke from your burned-out village blotted out of the sun…

You shook the images away like gnats, bringing yourself back to the moment, back to Kaz.

He was watching you intently. His dark hair was deliciously disheveled, and you could see the smooth planes of his stomach peeking out above the bedsheets.

“How did you do it?” he asked quietly. You forced yourself away from his body and tried to focus on his words, realizing you’d lost track of the conversation. You cocked an eyebrow at him, unsure of his meaning.

“How did you cope with them, I mean,” Kaz clarified. “How did you get them to go away?” A gentle night breeze fluttered the gauzy curtains by the window next to his bedside.

You turned Kaz’s question over in your head, wondering where to start.

“They never really went away,” you confessed, chewing on your lip. You’d resigned yourself long ago that you’d live the rest of your life with memories of the day your family was taken from you carved into your soul. It wasn’t something you would escape or ever come to terms with. It simply was.

You tried to say as much, but the words that dangled on the edge of your tongue felt all wrong. Your mouth opened and closed with a heavy sigh.

Kaz’s lips quirked up at the sound. He turned to look out into Ketterdam’s streets, the moonlight casting his handsome face in a gentle glow.

“That’s not a fair question,” he mused with a hint of embarrassment. “I’m sorry to bother you, y/n. I’m fine. You can go back to your post.”

You felt a twinge of disappointment at Kaz’s words, although they were less of a dismissal and more of a question. You turned to leave, but hesitated as your hand touched the doorknob.

When you turned back to him, he was staring at you with something that looked like hope in his eyes. It made your heart leap in your chest.

“One thing I learned about nightmares, boss. Even nightmares end eventually.”

Kaz considered your words thoughtfully. You held his gaze as you kept talking.

“The things that gave us our nightmares ended, too. It doesn’t mean we forget them, it doesn’t mean we move on. But it does mean that we aren’t prisoners forever. The dreams, the memories… they’re with us, but they don’t control us. They teach us things, but they don’t command us.”

Kaz drank in your every word, watching the way your expression glazed over as whatever memories haunted you swam just beneath the surface of your eyes. He knew that look: he’d seen it in himself many times before. The way you wore it though was different. He marveled at the realization that he’d never really seen you before. He’d felt you, felt the calming effect that your presence had on him. But now he could see why: you understood him. As much as anyone could. Kaz had always liked to think that others only knew him as much as he let them know him. You were proof that that wasn’t true. It both frightened him and delighted him.

“Sorry… that didn’t make much sense.” You let your eyes drop to the ground, suddenly embarrassed by your outburst. You turned to the door, eager to make your escape from the awkward moment.

“It makes perfect sense, actually,” he interjected quickly. You hesitated, halfway out the door into the dimly lit hallway. With the aid of the lamps from the hall, Kaz could see you more clearly. He thought he detected a faint flush on your cheeks, and he had to bite down a smirk at the sight. He was glad the light didn’t reach him, because you’d see a similar heat on his face. He’d taken a big step with you tonight, but he wasn’t ready to show you how he felt. Not yet.

“Thank you, y/n,” he called after you.

You turned halfway back to him, not meeting his eyes. From your profile, Kaz could see the faint hints of a smile.

“You’re welcome, Kaz.”

You left him alone with a quiet click of his door. Kaz hated how much he loved the way his name sounded in your voice.

This time when Kaz fell asleep, it wasn’t his past that swirled in his dreams, but hopes for the future.

#kaz rietveld #kaz brekker #kaz x reader #kaz x y/n #kaz imagine #kaz shadow and bone #bastard of the barrel #kaz dirtyhands brekker #six of crows imagine #six of crows #shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagine #freddy carter #freddy carter x reader #freddy carter x y/n #freddy carter imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker imagine

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jahayla-parker · 11 months

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Brunching with Crows : Freddy Carter x Reader

Descr.: 3.2k wc, reader and Freddy host a brunch with the other Crows from Shadow and Bone prior to the start of Season 2 (I ran with the idea based on Freddy actually hosting a brunch with said crows for Season 2), fluff!

Warnings: mentions of food and eating, Freddy and Reader being too cutesy of a couple 🥹), mentions of engagement/wedding, mention of money/Euros, that’s all I can come up with 💜

Y/n smiled to herself as she caught sight of her fiancé Freddy cooking in their kitchen. She quietly waltzed in and ruffled his hair, making him chuckle softly. Y/n’s smile grew as she wrapped her arms around Freddy and buried her head in the crook of his neck.

Freddy hummed tenderly as he formed a wide grin. “Good morning, love” he cooed, placing his hands on top of y/n’s.

Y/n hummed back, snuggling into Freddy’s shoulder.

“Sleep well?” Freddy questioned. As he waited for an answer, he kissed y/n’s forehead before he resumed stirring the batter.

Y/n squeezed Freddy’s waist lovingly. “Course! Now,” she hummed letting go of him and placing a small kiss on his cheek. Y/n stepped back all the way and took inventory of the kitchen and the progress Freddy had made this morning. “Since you decided to start without me, how can I help?” She smiled.

“You don’t need to help” Freddy chuckled, smiling over his shoulder at y/n.

Y/n playfully rolled her eyes, “they’re our friends Freddy”.

Freddy grabbed the white kitchen towel from beside him and dramatically waved it in the air in mock surrender. “I know, but it was my idea, I’ve got it” he shrugged, adding more sugar to his mix.

Y/n raised an eyebrow and smirked to herself. Shaking her head quietly, she walked over to the sink to get started on the small pile of dishes. As y/n turned the faucet on, she teased, “hmmm you want all the credit, I see, okay-“.

“Shut up” Freddy laughed, shaking his head.

“I’m just saying” y/n argued, laughing as Freddy scoffed.

“I merely meant, you could shower instead or-“ Freddy argued lightly.

“Oohhh, so I stink, that’s it” y/n tsked dramatically before jokingly checking her armpits.

Freddy huffed and used his pointer finger to scoop a small amount of batter from the bowl. He smirked as he turned and flicked it over at y/n.

“Freddy!!” Y/n gasped, her laugh ringing in the air as she wiped her shoulder clean.

Freddy laughed as y/n spun and splashed him with water from faucet. “If you truly want to help darling, I could use some assistance cutting the produce” he smiled, turning back to his bowl.

“I thought I had to shower because I smell” y/n teased, drying her hands. She squeaked as Freddy’s arms suddenly wrapped around her as she went to grab the cutting board.

Freddy chuckled and he bent his neck to place a tender kiss on y/n’s shoulder and neck. “Please, as if you don’t always manage to smell like strawberries and coconuts” he hummed.

“Strawberries and coconuts?” Y/n questioned laughing as she turned around in his arms.

Freddy’s cheeks flushed crimson but he held his ground and nodded.

Y/n thought on it for a moment, “Hmm my hair stuff is kinda coconuty so I’ll give you that, although I’ve yet to put it in today”. As she rambled, Freddy just smiled and listened intently. “But, I don’t know about the strawberries, but thank you” y/n giggled, kissing his cheek.

Y/n moved to go grab the temporarily forgotten cutting board but Freddy’s arms stopped her as he refused to let her go. She glanced over towards where he’d cuddled up into her neck and laughed. “What?” y/n asked softly upon seeing his pouting lips.

“I want a real kiss” Freddy whined.

Y/n laughed, “I haven’t brushed my teeth yet sunshine”. She smiled lovingly and ran her hand through Freddy’s hair the way he adored as a compromise.

Freddy’s eyes softened and lips curled up at the sensation. But, he quickly snapped his attention back to what he really wanted. Freddy lifted his eyebrow at y/n and huffed playfully. “It’s been three years, and you still haven’t caught on that I don’t care?” He chuckled, pulling her closer.

Freddy watched with a smile as y/n giggled and bounced her head to the side in a teasing agreement. He moved closer but left his lips hovering just above hers as he waited for her official permission.

Seeing his patience and respectful demeanor, y/n smiled widely. She quickly closed the gap between them by pulling his head closer until their lips met. Y/n felt Freddy smirk before kissing her back; one hand in her hair, the other on her waist. “Now, no more distractions Carter, they’re going to be here soon” she teased as they parted.

Freddy chuckled and nodded dutifully as he walked back to his station. “Yes ma’am” he teased.

Y/n smacked Freddy’s arm lightheartedly with the kitchen towel. “Ewww, don’t call me that” she laughed.

“My bad, love” Freddy chuckled loudly.

“Much better” y/n winked, finally grabbing the cutting board and knife. As she looked up to pull down a bowl for the fresh cut fruit, she noticed something on the ceiling. Y/n unconsciously tilted her head to the side in confusion as her eyes followed the path of what appeared to be batter.

It trailed all the way back to where she’d found Freddy this morning; and there was even more splatter just above him.

“WAIT! Why is there batter on the ceiling?” Y/n gasped, snapping her eyes over to her now-blushing fiancé. Y/n watched curiously as Freddy stayed silent, staring at his bowl as if he hadn’t heard her. “Freddy! What happened?” Y/n laughed as she resumed staring at how much splatter was on the ceiling above them.

“I thought you only got my arm earlier,” y/n mumbled softly, grabbing a stool from beside the fridge. “So, how’d you get it on the ceiling?!” she questioned again, setting the stool up below the start of the trail.

Freddy laughed bashfully, “ummm…, that was my first batch today”.

“That’s not the first batch?” Y/n asked, pointing to the bowl in Freddy’s hand after wiping the start of the splatter trail from the ceiling.

“No?” Freddy replied timidly. He bit his lip as his cheeks grew even warmer.

Y/n laughed and stared expectantly at Freddy as she waited for an explanation.

“I tried the new mixer and…,” Freddy chuckled breathily, his eyes darting from the ceiling to the bowl. “Well, then I realized, hand-mixed batter tastes better” he covered, shrugging.

“Because it doesn’t taste like the ceiling?” Y/n teased.

Freddy nodded rapidly, “mmhm, yeah”.

Y/n grinned and jumped down from the stool, making her way to her messy fiancé. She placed a tender kiss on his cheek “you’re lucky you’re so cute”.

Freddy chuckled but as he heard the sound of y/n stabilizing the stool behind him, he quickly spun around to face her. Before that moment, he hadn’t noticed she’d already gotten the first part of the batter cleaned up during his confession. “‘ey, I’ll get it after, love,” he assured her, his hands moving to her sides to support her balance.

“It’s alright! I’m already up here” y/n argued, wiping the last of the batter from the ceiling.

Freddy stared at her nervously as he watched her stretch onto her tippy-toes to reach the ceiling, despite already standing on a stool. His anxiety prompted him to tighten his grip on her waist as she leaned slightly while wiping the ceiling.

Once y/n finished cleaning up, she looked down and realized what Freddy had been doing. She let him help her off the stool, watching as his nerves calmed instantly when her feet hit the floor. “All done” she grinned, pulling Freddy in for a kiss. “See, I lived” y/n teased pinching his cheek as she tossed the paper towels away.

Y/n paused as she ventured back into the kitchen after having started setting the table. She smiled as she watched Freddy shake his fingers after pulling the latest waffle off the griddle. Y/n remembered how he always refused to use tongs instead of risking burning his fingers; not wanting to crinkle the edges.

It was beyond ridiculous, but incredibly sweet. It had started after Freddy had asked what y/n’s favorite breakfast food was when they first started dating; she answered with waffles. Once Freddy saw how much y/n liked the waffles he’d made her one particular morning, he refused to make them any other way. Even if it meant Freddy nearly burned his fingerprints off in the process.

“I can't get over how a few years ago I wanted to learn your name and now we’re hosting brunch with our castmates-turned-friends” y/n purred, leaning against the wall.

Freddy’s cheeks flushed as his wide smile prompted his dimples to pop. “You wanted to know my name?” Freddy asked sweetly, turning from the platter of waffles.

“Duh, have you seen yourself?” Y/n winked, moving to pass him so she could grab the next items for their table.

Freddy shook his head to himself as he pulled y/n back to him. “Mmm, you can’t say something like that and then walk away” he scolded softly, kissing her multiple times until she was squirming and giggling in his arms. “You’re one to talk though” he argued, holding y/n tightly.

“How so?” Y/n hummed, nibbling on her lip as she stared you at Freddy.

“It was the first second I saw you and I couldn't get over how beautiful you were” Freddy confessed to his fiancée.

“Hmm and now?” Y/n asked shyly, blinking up at him.

“I still can’t get over it, but now I know you’re also so much more than that” Freddy complimented, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

“Will you just marry me already?" Y/n whined as she buried herself in Freddy’s arms.

Freddy grinned widely, “just another few months, my dear. Believe me, I can’t wait either”.

Y/n smiled against Freddy’s chest, arms tightening around him as he held her just as closely.

“I’m glad we’re celebrating another season with our friends” Freddy commented, playing with y/n’s hair. “I can't believe I never knew you until then” he added, shaking his head softly. “You’re the best thing that's happened to me" Freddy admitted, smiling to himself before pressing a kiss to the top of y/n’s head.

"Stop” y/n giggled, rubbing her head against his chest as she tried to hide her bashful reaction.

“I’m serious” Freddy argued. He closed his eyes as he rested his chin on y/n’s head.

“I thought that was seeing Sebastian Stan” y/n teased lightly in referencing one of Freddy’s Instagram posts.

“I love it when you quote me” Freddy murmured.

“Stop” y/n said laughing hard, “that’s not even your line, Freddy!”

Freddy smiled as he absorbed the sound of y/n’s beautiful laughter. He chuckled when she pulled back to shake her head at him. Freddy shrugged, “it was the best fitting book quote to give you”.

Y/n smiled and bit her lip, Freddy had once again remembered a minor detail about her; how much she loves book/show references. She shook her head slowly. Humming quietly, y/n stroked his rosy cheek until her fingers reached his jaw. Her fingers cupped Freddy’s jaw while her thumb brushed over his warm cheek.

“I am serious though” Freddy whispered, not wanting to ruin the moment.

“I beat out Sebastian Stan?” Y/n inquired, giving him a questioning look.

Freddy laughed but nodded firmly, “easily, my precious girl”.

"Don't smile at me like that” y/n groaned, closing her eyes as soon as Freddy’s wide grin caused his adorable dimples to be on full display. “You know it drives me crazy” she added, pressing her lips into a fine line as her mind visualized the scene before her.

Freddy couldn’t help but giggle more, "you're my best friend. I hope you know that." "

“You gotta stop doing that” y/n murmured, pinching the bridge of her nose with her free hand.

"What?" Freddy pondered, thumb rubbing against her ear as he played with her stray hairs.

"Saying things that make me wanna kiss you” y/n explained, opening her eyes as she lowered her hand from her nose.

Freddy only laughed loudly with a proud smile on his face. He shook his head lightly, “now, why would I stop that then?”

Y/n smiled back, “we can’t stay in the kitchen kissing all day, sunshine”.

Freddy furrowed his brows and pouted. “Says who?” He asked offended, “besides you brushed your teeth”.

Y/n broke into laughter as she softly smacked Freddy’s arm. “Babe, we have company coming over, and the table isn’t done being set yet” she pointed out, tapping his nose with her pointer finger.

Freddy chuckled and nodded in agreement, “fine, one last kiss?”

Y/n took a moment to pretend to consider it, making Freddy raise his eyebrows and smirk at her. She rolled her eyes lightheartedly. “As if I would deny you of that” y/n smiled before pulling him in for a kiss.

Freddy’s thumb casually stroked y/n’s thigh as he listened to their friends/castmates catch up. He glanced over at his fiancée and grinned as the sunlight casting in from their balcony shimmered off of her engagement ring. Freddy caught sight of Cal smirking at him when he noticed how smitten Freddy was. Freddy just blushed, his lips pressed into a fine line to keep from laughing as he tried to refocus on the group.

“Hopefully this season is warmer” Kit chuckled, taking a bite of his eggs.

“No joke, I nearly froze my arse off” Amita agreed, pouting.

“Oooh language!” Y/n teased, smirking at a bashful Amita.

“Ugh, why is it just when I curse?” Amita groaned playfully as she placed a Euro in the Crows themed jar on the table.

“Because it’s too funny when you swear” Cal laughed with a shrug.

“It’s like this hesitant whispered curse” Jack agreed with a crooked smile.

“Fine, but Freddy has to add a Euro too” Amita argued, pushing the jar down the table.

Y/n laughed and glanced over at Freddy who was seated beside her, his hand still resting on her leg as it had throughout their brunch.

“Why is that?” Freddy questioned, raising an eyebrow tauntingly at his castmates.

“If the jar is for doing uncharacteristic things, you’ve yet to take a photo of the group” Amita challenged.

“Oooh, that is a good point” Y/n complimented as she smirked at Freddy.

Amita was correct, that was the point of the jar after all. Said jar was simply a clear glass container that had been decorated in random Six of Crows meme stickers. The money inside of it would be used to fund their groups’ snacks on set this season.

Freddy laughed, “I haven’t had the chance yet, it’s coming”.

“I don’t know… I don’t think we’ve gone this long before without at least one photo being taken by Freddy by now” Dani agreed, helping Amita guide the jar towards Freddy.

Freddy sighed and shook his head as he stood up to grab some money from his wallet. “Really thought this jar was a good idea, hmm?” He teased Y/n as he sat back down and dropped his Euro into the jar.

Y/n smiled innocently and hummed, “yes I do”.

“Then perhaps you should participate” Freddy argued with a smirk.

“I’m included in the rules” y/n rebutted with a laugh.

“Then you and Dani each owe a Euro” Freddy declared and Kit nodded.

“What? Why?” Y/n and Danielle asked at the same time making the room erupt in laughter.

“Because neither of you have commented on how precious you find Jack yet” Kit pointed out.

“Kit!” Y/n gasped, staring at him with wide eyes.

“You’re going scare him away!” Dani yelled.

Jack simply blushed and giggled shyly, “it’s okay”.

Y/n smiled over at Jack, “we just can’t help it, you’re seriously so adorable! Wylan is such a well fitting character for you”.

Jack smiled as his cheeks flushed even more, “thank you”.

Dani nodded, “it’s true, since the secret is out of the bag now, don’t worry darling, we don’t have a crush on you, but how can one not find you precious?!”

The others all nodded and similarly showered Jack with warm compliments.

Jack blushed the entire time before mumbling a shy but appreciative thanks.

“Still, you only said it after Freddy pointed it out” Kit argued. “So, in it goes” he winked, sliding the jar to y/n.

“I said it in my head” Y/n argued weakly.

Kit seemed to ponder it and looked to Freddy for his opinion

Freddy just shrugged, “rules are rules, love”, pushing the the hand closer to her.

Y/n glared softly and stood up to get her money, adding it to the jar after Dani slid it back to her.

Cal laughed, “this is going to fill up rather quickly”.

“Here we were, thinking it would take time since it was things we didn’t do often” Kit commented.

“Yeah, imagine if it was things we always did! Like each time Dani does that one laugh” Cal commented prompting everyone to laugh.

“Or, each time Kit spins something around as if it were one of Jesper’s pistols” y/n added.

Kit smirked at her as he made finger guns and blew a kiss.

“Or Jack being simply adorable” Freddy commented.

“Freddy talking about y/n unprompted” Amita smirked.

Y/n glanced over and saw Freddy blushing yet smiling. When Freddy looked over and shrugged Y/n shook her head and kissed his cheek.

“Or, y/n simping for Freddy” Kit winked.

Everyone laughed but Freddy just rubbed y/n’s thigh supportively.

“We would need to get Ben involved in this if we did flip the rules though” y/n argued.

“Oh, why?” Jack questioned.

“‘Cause then we could do Ben simping for Freddy” Y/n smirked

“Ooh that would fill up hella fast” Dani agreed excitedly.

“With Ben as the main sponsor of our snack budget” Kit nodded.

“I vote these are the new jar rules” Cal proposed.

“All in favor, say I” y/n stated, placing her hand on top of the jar as it rested in the center of the table.

Everyone quickly placed their hands on the jar and said I before laughing loudly.

“Now, how do we explain to Ben that he’s been involuntarily added?” Amita laughed.

Kit nodded, “while mentioning he’s not involved in the snack distribution”.

Y/n laughed, “I’ll handle it”. Y/n smirked as she pulled out her phone. “Or maybe you should” she said, stopping as she turned to look at Freddy.

Freddy laughed and nodded, getting his phone out as y/n put hers away.

“So are you all close with all of the other actors?”Jack asked timidly.

“Like the Shadow and Bone Grishaverse folks?” Dani asked to clarify who he was referring to.

Jack nodded with a small smile, “uhh yeah”.

“Kinda, our close knit group is better though, shhh” y/n joked as the others laughed.

Kit winked as he shot his finger guns at Jack, “told ya!”

Y/n noticed her friends standing up and grabbing their dishes from the table. “Oh no, you don’t need to help” she rushed, trying to stop them.

“Please, you two hosted and cooked, we can help with clean up” Amita argued.

Everyone offered some form of agreement with Amita’s comment as they began taking their own plates back to the kitchen.

Freddy watched Y/n smile and shake her head. He kissed her cheek as he pulled her to his side, “this was fun”.

Y/n beamed up at Freddy, “yeah, it was, great idea sunshine”.

Freddy blushed, “I couldn’t have done it without you”. He pressed another kiss to her head as he held her, assuming no one had returned to the room yet.

“Seriously we need to get the jar going with the new rules soon, ‘cause we could be rich in snacks with these two being the main source of income” Kit teased, squeezing Y/N’s arm softly.

Y/n felt herself grow bashful and buried her head into Freddy.

Freddy laughed softly while smiling as he looked around their place. He hummed softly to himself as he watched his friends and the love of his life, excited for their next chapters.

“Speaking of which, did Ben respond?” Cal laughed, smiling at the couple as he rejoined them.

Freddy pulled his phone out and nodded, “he’s confused, but on board”.

“And there my beloved Crows, is our first Euro!” Y/n cheered, dumping out the jar so they could restart.

“Ben has no idea what he’s gotten himself into” Dani laughed loudly, helping y/n as she scribbled a note onto the back of an extra napkin so as to not forget Ben owed one euro so far.

“Kaz scamming the Darkling from his money” Jack teased with a quiet giggle.

“Hmm?” Freddy questioned as Y/n grinned.

“I think this is our first heist” y/n smirked gleefully.

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writersblockedx · 1 year

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The Things we do

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader Summary - When Kaz finds out a rivial gang has taken you hostage, he'll stop at nothing to find you again. Warnings - Angst, violence, torture, wounds, blood, hurt/comfort vibe Words - 2.8K

Masterlist

Kaz didn't know where you were. And, even worse, neither did you.

What you did know however: your head was pounding, the room was dark and you were tied to a chair. Your head dragged up, blood trickling from your cut lip as you faced your captor. She was a mean face. Her eyes flooded with fury that you doubted ever left and she bred the sense of vex with every step she took. If anyone was to be a psycho kidnapper, it would have been her.

"Y/n Y/l/n." A voice called your name like it was illegal, like it was something to be dragged through the dirt.

Your captor took a step back, revealing the man who was sitting in the chair behind her. In no way was he rough around the edges like the girl was. In fact, he wore a suit to fit, his lips moulded into something he seemed to use as a weapon. And despite her cut lip and likely bruised features, her head tilted and she pushed her luck. "Nice to know you know, because I've got no idea who you are." Maybe had you not just been kidnapped, you might have been more composed.

The man stood and she felt herself lean as far back in her chair as she was able. "It doesn't matter who I am." He said; his voice so monotone for the context of the situation. "I just need to know about you."

You weren't so sure where this was headed. Your mind was still trying to catch up with the punches you had just endured, attempting to understand where you were and how you were in fact going to get out of it. "Me?" You reiterated, flashing some puppy dog eyes you knew weren't going to work. But it was worth a try in this situation.

He nodded and then a word slipped from his lips. Just one word and that was all you needed to know you were in the shit now. "Crow." Them puppy dog eyes slipped away as easily as they had settled. Suddenly, you came to realise the severity of the situation and you questioned if you would be able to get out of it. The suit man looked over to the captor, nodding his head as if giving a silent command.

Like that, just as he turned his back and started walking away, a fist came flying. The knuckles of the woman's palm cracked against your cheeks with a thud. You had groaned but didn't dare say a word. You glanced back up at her through the lingering bruises. "Are the rest of you crows at the crow club?"

"Why do you want to know?" You should have known where speaking back was going to get you.

Just as quickly as them words had left your lips, another punch came crashing at your jaw. And you struggled with that one. It erupted a groan as you settled within the pain that plagued you. "What about Kaz? He's the boss right?" She continued to interrogate.

You gazed over at her through stern, mean eyes. "You can punch me till I'm bloody, I'm not telling you anything."

This time, a punch didn't follow. Instead, you watched as the woman wandered around the chair you were glued to. She walked over to a side table, retrieving a small box. It wasn't until she opened the box that you grew nervous. There were several tools. Many of them rusty and blunt but in the hand of your kidnapper, still rather painful. She took one of the bluntest knives, one that had rusted so much it was burnt and brown. With that in hand, she wandered around once again.

"Anything you went to get off your chest now?" Asked the woman.

You could feel your breath itch in your throat, feeling her shadow hover right over your shoulder. It was daunting but didn't stop you as you quipped back, "Do your worse." And she certainly did.

She took the blade. At first, it brushed over the prickles of your skin, then, within a flash, you felt it jab into your shoulder. With that, you let out a piercing scream. The metal seeming to have shot so deep into your body it felt as if it were scraping against your bone. You didn't have to look to know it was bleeding. By the time the weapon had dug into your skin, the blood was dripping down towards your elbow.

The woman took a firm grip over the blade. With every single, slight touch it was painful. Just the brush of her fingers against the metal had felt agonising. So when she took a hold of it, a groan escaped your lips. She leaned over the bleeding shoulder, "You're gonna tell me what I need to know." Her voice was a whisper but it felt deafening in your ear.

Your breath was uneven and, just as you were about to catch it, she shoved the blade down further. Another scream erupted from your lips. This one louder and much more of an echo. And once more, she leaned over your shoulder, "Where does Kaz keep the money?"

Once you let out a sigh, you looked over at her, "I'm not telling you." You were stern in your words even if everything in your body already wanted to give in.

This was what being a crow was. It was criminal. It was getting beating up and getting bloody, but it was dealing with that. And so you would. At least, you would try. Because when she even grasped the metal, you were regretting your decisions. "Wait, wait!" She stopped; so did the pain. You took a breath, trying to gather your thoughts that the pain had cut through. "Please..." You couldn't imagine anything worse than another touch from that blade.

She asked the same question: "Where does Kaz keep the money?"

A long moment followed. One in which you knew you were going to give in, even if it killed you to betray Kaz like that. Your fellow crow, your boss, the man who had took you in when you had nothing. "There's a safe. It's under his desk in the office. The office is upstairs in the crow club." Like it was nothing, you spilled everything.

"See," She paused and in one swift movement, tore the knife from your skin. Another scream erupted. But it was the last one you would have to endure. "Wasn't that difficult, was it?" She had no idea what you were in for with Kaz now. "Now, when's this office left empty?"

You knew this plan was so this gang could get their sticky fingers on Kaz's money. And maybe you should have cared more to not spill all this information considering Kaz paid your wage. But alas, the fear of the pain was seeming to pull the words from your lips, "When there's-"

You didn't know why or what had happened at first, only that your kidnapper had fallen right in front of you. Then you spotted the knife in her back. You almost couldn't believe it at first. Well, not until your head snapped up to figure that was wandering from the doorway. "Inej?" The woman removed the scarf that masked her face as she rushed forward without another word.

She went around straight away, her hands reaching out and untying the rope which bound you. "Where is she?" Came another voice which boomed through the building. A wave of guilt passed you as you came to recognise the voice: Kaz.

"In here!" Replied Inej.

And like that, the man came through. His eyes pooled with sympathy, completely unaware of how you had just betrayed him. Not that he had noticed. In that moment, Kaz had never felt such relief. Over the period you had been lost, he hadn't felt himself breathe. He sent Inej and Jesper left, right and centre until finally, they got a hit. A rival gang that barely hand enough bullets to take down the three of them. He couldn't care who had taken you. It could have been the king himself and he would have still swug through battlefields, explored every inch of this world, whatever it took just so it could get to you.

Now, with your eyes interwinding with his, he rushed to you. Inej had only just let the rope fall from your body and it was suddenly being engulfed by Kaz. At first, it had shocked you. Then you soon settled into the comfort which was ever so familiar. With your head situated on his shoulder, your gaze glanced to the doorway, finding Jesper stood there. He too just as relieved, taking in the sight of his boss and his friend tangled within the comfort of one another. Jesper knew that Kaz needed that hug just as much as you - if not more so.

When he pulled away, you were met with that worrisome gaze which seemed to devour you. "Can you stand?" Kaz questioned.

And while you couldn't exactly give him a reply, you nodded and that was enough. His hands came around, taking a hold of your own as he helped you to your feet. He guided you towards the exit, not daring to let his touch fall. About half way there, you both stopped. There came the sound of a thud from behind you. It wasn't until you turned, finding that Inej had pulled her knife from your captor's back that you came to realise why. Of course she taken her knife back. No one chose to comment. Instead, you found that it was normal and continued walking, following Jesper.

By the time you made it home, the Crow Club was empty. It wasn't until later that you would come to realise Kaz had closed the club, needing the empty space to focus on finding you. Something he was thankful for now he had you in his arms.

Once you got home, Jesper pulled a chair up for you, forcing you to sit down as he tended to the wound plaguing your shoulder. Inej was sat on a table across from you, sharpening a knife while Kaz was standing behind you. And for a moment, it was all silent. All their attention was focused on you and the wound which was buried deep into your skin. Yes, it felt as bad as it looked. "You sure you're okay?" Inquired Jesper as he pulled your shirt down for easier access.

You didn't bare look at any of them, knowing the pity you were likely to receive. "I'll be fine, Jesper." You replied without much emotion in your tone.

Jesper gave a concerned look to the man standing behind you. Something of which you had missed, too busy replying the memory of the knife in your shoulder to take note. "Okay, okay." Jesper said. "But just know," He paused as he gathered his needle and thread, "This isn't going to be pretty."

You didn't look to him as you answered, "Just clean it up, will you?" You weren't so much in the mood for Jesper's playful mood like you normally were. "I don't want an infection and a stab wound."

And like that, Jesper's lips stayed sealed as he gathered his items, staring at the wound as he attempted the best way to tackle it without hurting you so much. "What were they asking you?" Inej spoke up as her head lifted to meet yours. "Did you tell them anything?" That question made you wince.

Jesper scoffed, "It doesn't matter anyway, you killed em'." He did make a good point there, something you were silently thankful for.

"And by the looks of things," At the sound of Kaz's voice, you finally turned, meeting his gaze which seemed attached to the wound sitting on your shoulder. "You didn't tell them anything either."

Had it not been for the groan that came with the needle making contact with your shoulder, you might have said. Instead, you sucked in a breath before letting out a, "Jesper." in a snap.

"Sorry," He apologised. "I did say its not gonna be pretty." And with that, he started to thread you skin back together like it were clay.

"Do you know who it was?" Inej continued to interrogate.

You thought on it for a moment but with your pounding head, you couldn't come up with much. "No." You said first. "He wore a suit like he was trying to be more fancy than he was."

"That's it?" Critiqued Jesper from behind you, his snooty tone prompting you to gaze over at him. "He was too fancy for a suit? That's what you gathered?"

Your glare turned deathly, "I was a bit preoccupied with the fact they kept punching and threatening me...obviously." You agrued.

"Careful," Said Jesper. "Don't forget whose holding this needle." The small prick of metal glistened in his hand before your eyes rolled, turning back around.

"So we have no idea who these people are." Kaz concluded as his gaze jumped from you, something which had only enhanced that ever-heavy feeling of guilt which burdened you.

A loud exhale, almost loud enough to be classed as a sigh, came from Inej, "Suppose it's a good thing you didn't tell them anything the-"

"Ouch!" Your voice shot through the club.

All eyes came to you and your burning stare that was being pointed at Jesper. He had slipped. Only the smallest of bits but still, you had snapped at him like that. And what was worse, your anger didn't die down. Instead, you stood abruptly, tearing the needle from further patching up your wound. "Y/n-" Kaz started but you were already walking away.

And without even looking back at him, you said, "I'm fine." And continued on, eager for some privacy where the guilt of spilling your guts didn't linger.

You escaped into your room, taking in the air like it was fresh, like it wasn't intoxicated like the rest of the club was. The room was lonely, and it was empty, free of anyones opinion and judgement. With tears pricking your pupils, you wandered over to the mirror. Your shoulder took all your attention. Sure, Jesper had sewed up about half of it but the wound was still sharp and deep into your skin. It's edges ridgid and screaming to be tended to.

With a huff, you pulled your t-shirt back up, groaning at the pain which came with the contact. And you continued on with shakey legs and even shakier breath as if you could continue on. You soon came to realise it wouldn't be that easy.

The door clicked open and you tensed, suddenly appreciating your back was facing the door. The tears were easily about to slip from your eyes and that was something no one needed to see. "I told you I was fine." You said, sucking in a sharp breath that you preyed gave you the air you needed to not let those tears fall.

"You're not meant to be." Only then did you come to realise the intruder in your room was none other than Kaz Brekker. And his voice was enough to prompt you to turn, meeting his soft features which made you weak. "Whatever you went through, it was always going to be painful."

He had no idea what was truly the cause of your pain. "I've been beaten before Kaz." You argued.

He took a cautious step into the room, knowing you could force him out at any given moment. "None of us expect you to be okay, this wasn't just any normal beating, Y/n." He went on, providing comfort which would normally be accepted. But considering he didn't know the full story, it was a struggle to accept it.

Until, in a rushed decision, you gambled your whole relationship with Kaz. "I don't care that they hurt me, that they punched, stabbed, bled me like I was a doll. I couldn't get less." That part was true. "But I just- I had to."

Kaz's brows knitted, "Had to what?" He queried.

"I had to tell them." Like that, the words hung in the air. "I had to tell them everything." The tears finally started slipping until they were streaming down your cheeks.

The moment Kaz caught sight of that, he rushed over. And just as needy as before, he engulfed your body into his own. "Hey, it's okay." He assured. "All that matters is that you're safe."

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authorred · 1 year

Text

To Love Kaz Brekker | Kaz Brekker x fem!Reader | Shadow and Bone | Part 2

Masterlist

Preface: A botched solo mission leaves you injured and forced to kill to escape. You enter the Crow Club in a hurry and don’t talk to anyone. You isolate yourself in your room so you can fix yourself, but someone decides to make his presence known outside your door.

Kaz Brekker is a different kind of ‘love from a distance’ yk

Part 1 Part 3

Warning(s): Mild injuries, mentions of blood, description of injuries

Tags: Softcore pining, awkward interaction, losers in love

To love another is no easy feat. It takes patience and trust. Respect and compassion. To be able to wait for someone through a finite storm is an ability not everyone has, nor wants. But you have it. And you’ll wait through any severity of weather, even if there’s no promise of a rainbow at the end.

Hobbling to your room like a battered old woman, you made sure to cover yourself with a cloak you took off a merchant before your arrival. Jesper and Inej observe you skirt around the Crow Club, hugging the side walls before scurrying up to your room. The sharpshooter and wraith share a look before shrugging. They’ll check in on you later and they know better than to annoy a heartrender.

You shrug off your outer clothes and examine your wound through the shredded fabric of your shirt. Some shitbag nailed you right in the torso with a bullet. Luckily, he didn’t hit anywhere vital, but it still hurt, and you’re still bleeding. With a soft grunt you untie your shirt and carefully peel it away from your body. A clean entry wound presents itself at the front of your torso and you’ve no doubt the exit wound looks worse.

With a sigh, you carefully sit down on a chair, grunting lightly when you irritate the injury. Looking down at yourself, you carefully start to weave your tissue and muscles back together, face cringing lightly from the feeling. It didn’t hurt because you were blocking pain receptors, but it felt weird to your other nerves. The squirming and sewing-together of your insides felt equivalent to sliding your hand through a large trough of mucus-covered meat. You wanted to shiver but you couldn’t.

Sewing together your entrance wound took an agonizingly long time. If it was on someone else, you could’ve done it in ten minutes. Perhaps it was due to the fact there’s no rush; you’re safe in the Crow Club (hopefully). The real issue is trying to do the exit wound, which is almost directly behind you. You’ll need mirrors and very flexible shoulders.

Standing and shuffling around your room, you manage to assemble a doable set up--with a standing mirror behind you and a wall mirror in front of you. You adjust both to be able to see your exit wound--which is as gnarly as you thought. You sigh deeply and bring your arms behind your back, attempting twist your wrists so your palms are facing your body. You succeed, but it’s extremely uncomfortable, and you already hurt from being shot.

That’s when you hear it. A strong, steady heartbeat outside your room. No one announces themself--no one knocks--but they’re standing there. You know who it is. You know why they’re there.

“Kaz,” you call out. “People can suffer in silence, you know. You have to see them to know if they’re okay.” A few seconds pass and you know Kaz is thinking. You turn your head to the door when it slowly starts to creak open.

When Kaz opens the door enough to walk into your room, he immediately looks to the side when he sees you in undergarments. You can see him swallow nervously and his heart picks up speed a little.

You look back at your reflection. “You should be coming up with a new plan with Inej and Jesper. I didn’t fail, but I did alarm. And that’ll cause problems.”

“The planning can wait until you’re fixed.”

“I’m already halfway there.” Your wrists and hands flex uncomfortably when you move them, soft grunts leaving you. “I’ll be patched up by the time you’re done.”

Kaz sneaks a glance at you, eyes lingering on the wound you’re trying to patch up. Then his gaze moves to your arms and hands, which are in a specific position that makes you look like a demon’s possessed you. You’re succeeding; he can see your wound being manipulated and the hole getting smaller, but you’re struggling. Swallowing, he takes an unsteady step forward until he finds himself traipsing over to you.

You pause your heartrending when you see his reflection standing behind yours. You blink, then slowly turn your head to look at him. “What? You can’t help with this.”

He’s struggling to keep your gaze as it switches between your eyes and down at your arms. Picking up his cane to hold between his arm and side, he slowly reaches out to gently press his gloved hands against your arms.

Your brows scrunch when you’re trying to figure out what he’s doing. He’s not grabbing your arms, rather he’s supporting them. He’s taking tension from your shoulders.

You turn your head back around and continue to heartrend yourself, having an easier time than before. You’re painfully aware of his close proximity to you--you’re insanely aware of his physical contact as well. You can feel him shaking and you can hear his heart racing.

“You don’t have to do this,” you say quietly. “Your heart is racing. Please move away if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine,” his response is slightly forced and shaky. “Stop listening to my heart and focus on fixing yourself.”

You sigh softly and try your best to fix yourself as fast as you can. You cringe lightly when you reach a particularly painful part of your body where you didn’t block the pain receptors. You let out a strained grunt in response and you can see Kaz’s eyes look at you in concern from the mirror.

“I’m fine,” you quickly say. “It just hurt a little. I’m almost done.”

Kaz nods and looks back down at your hands and back, silent.

You’re done in two minutes and as soon as you are, you move away from him to keep him from being uncomfortable. You turn to him and smile softly. “You didn’t need to do that. I would’ve managed.”

Kaz places his cane back on the floor and leans on it. “You got done faster though, didn’t you?”

You stare at him for a moment before nodding. “I suppose I did. Thank you.”

Kaz attempts a small smile, but it’s almost indiscernible--it looks like a weird wince. “We meet at the bar in ten.” He turns and walks to the door. “Jesper and Inej are wondering if you’re okay.”

“Tell them I’m fine and I’ll be down in five.”

Kaz nods, not turning to look at you. He closes the door on his way out and you can hear his heartbeat move farther and farther from your room.

You notice how it’s faster than before.

You notice how yours is faster than his.

Ah, yes. To love Kaz Brekker is no easy feat.

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auroravictorium · 1 year

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still in love and half alive (k.b.)

can't say we didn't try. baby, we're a bad idea. - bad idea by dove cameron

Summary: kaz and reader have a job: take out the leader of one of the newest up-and-coming gangs in the barrel that hope to fill the vacuum left by pekka rollins's departure. said job requires reader to utilize her skills from her days as a showgirl; despite the unpleasant reminders of her past, she completes the job and helps other showgirls and the low grunts of the new gang in the process.

Pairing(s): kaz x former showgirl!reader (established relationship) Word Count: 4.6k Warnings: alcohol consumption, men being creepy, poor treatment of women (nothing explicit, just allusions to men treating them like crap), allusions to past exploitation, kaz having non-explicit thoughts about reader, reader playing up the seduction factor, violence [cutting someone with a dagger, kaz choking someone, kaz hitting someone with his cane], mentions of past trauma, very quick mention of kaz's haphephobia Genre: action-ish, a little angst, fluff near the end Request? Yes! (@futurecorps3)

Author's Note: hello hello! so this is an absolute BEAST of a one-shot, but i couldn't figure out where to split it. i hope you all enjoy <3

Kaz sat in the far corner of the entertainment hall, nursing his drink and trying to keep his jealousy at bay. Patrons and dancers milled about, amusing themselves with conversation, cards, or propositions. A few disappeared up the rickety stairs to amuse themselves, laughing and stumbling with drinks in one hand and cigarettes in the other. The room reeked of smoke, liquor, and sweat.

He was only here for your sake. If he were smart, he would be anywhere else, certainly not in some up-and-coming gang's crumbling entertainment hall. If he could, he would leave you to play your part. You could hold your own just fine, no protection from Kaz needed; but jealousy had him rooted to his teetering stool in the corner, with his watered-down liquor in a gloved hand and a scowl on his face. He couldn't bring himself to leave. Not when three dozen men were staring at you in a tiny dress that hugged your waist.

You'd paid a hefty sum for the chance to dance on the stage; from your position, you could survey the bar for the man calling himself the leader of such an establishment. Armed with a description of the wannabe gang leader and three knives hidden under your sparkling red dress, you circled the shimmering pole in the center of the stage and traced your gaze over the people watching you.

There was no sign of the target, Pieter Gabel. It took every ounce of your self-control to resist a sigh, and you decided to do a lazy spin around the pole to amuse your audience. A few men whistled as you hooked your arm around the pole and spun, letting the light catch in the faux diamonds threaded in your hair. You settled on the ground again and tossed your hair over your shoulder, scanning the crowd for the only set of eyes that mattered.

You didn't find Kaz in the crowd. Not that you expected to. Instead, you caught his gaze from across the room, his icy blue eyes illuminated by a near-snuffed candle on his table. To anyone else, he looked as indifferent as ever, maybe vaguely interested in the spectacle on stage. But you saw the slant of his mouth, the clench of his jaw, how something dark glimmered in his eyes, perhaps a promise of violence. He didn't like all the attention on you.

So you offered a small smile, a look reserved for him and him alone. You'd apologize later, but he'd understand. You were doing what needed to be done. The stage gave you the best vantage point in the building, and Gabel had to be found and driven out of the city. The Barrel was tense enough while the remnants of the Dime Lions attempted to regroup; the Dregs needed to eliminate any rising threats as soon as possible.

You and Kaz both knew that. He'd forgive you once you were off that damn stage and by his side, helping him rule the Barrel.

For years, crowds of tourists and too-rich men waited at your feet, leering at you like you were nothing more than a pretty face and a body to buy, bed, or watch with predatory glints in their eyes. They didn't bother to see past the costume and see how sharp and dangerous you could be. To them, you were nothing more than a piece of entertainment.

But Kaz saw right through the ruse and saw every jagged scar your past had left. He saw how Ketterdam had sharpened you into a dangerous weapon, ready to wreak revenge on a city that had hurt you deeply.

Like called to like. Your similar tastes for vengeance pulled Kaz toward you, despite all attempts on his end to ignore the summons. For years after you joined the Dregs, he settled for admiring you from afar until you got sick of his shit and told him to either do something about his feelings or quit scaring off everyone who looked your way.

You didn't say it so kindly, of course, and Kaz reluctantly admitted you had a point, though he knew it was a bad idea to indulge his feelings and yours. But he had, and he couldn't bring himself to regret it. The year since had passed in stolen moments after jobs, in the shadowed corners of the Crow Club during the slow hours, and peaceful mornings and evenings in either of your rooms.

Your set was coming to an end, and there was still no sign of the target. After one final circle around the stage, one last attempt to entice more kruge to fall at your feet, you slipped through the moth-eaten curtains behind the poles and left the cheering audience behind you.

As soon as their eyes left your body, you shuddered, clasping your hands over your forearms and making a beeline for the back hallway leading to the dark, rotting dressing rooms. As soon as you could, you pulled on the coat Kaz had given you, an exact match to the one he usually wore but tailored to your size. It was fur-lined, and it covered you up. Exactly what you needed to battle the cold shame beginning to cling to your skin after your performance.

No matter how often you put on the ruse and brought your old life back from the dead for a night, it was a feeling you could never shake. Being with Kaz, knowing he was out there and he would never judge you for your past, helped. More often than not, he was the one telling you that you didn't have to do this; there were other ways to spot your targets, to bring them down. He made sure you knew you didn't need to be exploited anymore. All you needed to do was have your weapons and wit ready.

But using the sins and vices of Ketterdam against itself was the easiest way to do this. It gave you power, something you didn't have during your days as a showgirl. Before, you were a puppet. Now, you were the puppetmaster, fueled and encouraged by someone equally as dangerous as you. He would never allow Ketterdam to suck you back into that life again. You would never let yourself.

As you slipped back into the crowd, you were pleased by the anonymity of wearing a coat and removing your elaborate makeup. You crossed the entertainment hall to Kaz's shadowy table and settled on the stool across from Kaz.

His eyes turned toward you, landing on your freshly-bound hair and the grim expression on your face. "Are you alright?" he said quietly. Though his face didn't change, you knew he was concerned. He always was after you came off the stage.

Kaz passed you his drink, and you lifted it to your lips and took a sip. The liquid stung on its way down, and you wrinkled your nose. "I'm fine. But I understand why you look so miserable." You pushed the glass back toward him. "That's disgusting."

"But an excellent business tactic," Kaz muttered. "People buy more drinks." He knocked back the rest without flinching and set the glass down with a thump.

"Any sign of him?" you murmured, lowering your voice and leaning across the table so Kaz could hear. The hair on the back of your neck was prickling uncomfortably, and you felt the weight of unfamiliar eyes on you. "Someone's watching us." You tucked a loose piece of hair behind your ear and made a show of placing your chin in your palm and peeking through your eyelashes up at Kaz. You needed to look as unbothered as possible by your audience's attention, which meant putting on your facade again.

For a moment, Kaz didn't realize that you had hinted for him to look around for Gabel. He was distracted by the dancing of the fading candlelight in your eyes, how it cast the shadow of your eyelashes upward, how it illuminated the curve of your lips. They looked soft and tinted red from the lipstick you wore on stage, and he imagined how warm they felt against his when he dared to kiss you.

There was nothing else in the hall but you and your lips and his thoughts spinning in a million directions.

He blinked, breaking from his trance. He blamed the sweltering heat of the building for the heat rising in his cheeks as he looked around for the eyes he could now feel on him. Nobody caught his attention at first, and then he saw a figure across the hall. The man was leaning against a dented, grimy wall and watching you too closely for your comfort.

You followed Kaz's icy, suddenly furious gaze to the man in a poorly-tailored suit that didn't match and was most likely stolen. His watch was clearly fake, and his jewelry had an artificial glimmer. His gang, if you could call it that, was barely above water; you could tell from his poor attempt at looking flashy and put together, as Per Haskell or Pekka Rollins had before being ousted.

"I'll get him alone," you whispered. You moved to slide from your seat, but Kaz's cane pressed against the top of your shoe to keep you still. Your eyes flicked to him, and you raised a brow. "Kaz?"

"No," Kaz said firmly. "You've done enough."

The mere thought of you being alone with him, even long enough for Kaz to trail the two of you and land a strike on Gabel, infuriated him. He knew why the man was looking at you and could guess what was running through his mind. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the man hoped he had a chance with you. Kaz didn't want to put you at risk.

"If you approach him, he'll bolt," you argued. You nudged Kaz's cane off your foot and turned to face him again. You plastered on a sweet smile like you weren't disagreeing with him about how best to neutralize the man practically salivating across the room. With luck, it would only appear that you were trying to convince him to pass over enough kruge for you to pay for another set of dances on stage. You hoped it was convincing.

"If you approach, he'll think it's his lucky night," Kaz ground out between his teeth. His fingers twitched around the top of his cane. What he would give to hit him hard enough to see stars. Or the Saints above. "You've done enough," he repeated, softer this time. He could see you itching to shed your act of seductive showgirl as soon as possible. He refused to ask for any more of it from you.

You sighed deeply. There was no arguing with Kaz. "What's your plan to approach him without scaring him off? Would you like to borrow my dress?"

Kaz glared at you. "Funny."

"Red's not your color anyway." Your lips twitched with a smile, and you turned your gaze to the stage. You thought back to your view of the entire building, a cramped, dilapidated theatre. The first floor was where the musicians used to sit and play; the second contained a semicircle of private boxes where the rich would sit, smoke, and indulge in their vices during the plays happening below.

It was the perfect place to go unnoticed or gather attention.

You leaned forward again, and Kaz raised a brow at your invasion of his space. "I have an idea," you murmured. You slipped your fingers into your hair and retrieved a sparkling pin. Leaning forward until your face was mere inches from Kaz's, you dropped it into his gloved palm. Shimmering, obvious bait you hoped the target would take. "There's an empty box upstairs," you whispered. Keenly aware of the unwelcome eyes on you, you looked up through your eyelashes again at Kaz. "Fourth door."

Kaz had to remind himself to keep breathing as you stood up and walked toward the stairs to the second floor. He could still smell your perfume and the product Nina had helped put in your hair before you left for the job; beneath that, something intoxicatingly you. His head spun, and he forced himself to stand and follow, closing his fingers around the hairpin you'd deposited in his palm.

Saints, this was a bad idea. He was too distracted to figure out what plan you were concocting. All he could think about was you. Your lips, your eyes, how you were thinking so quickly on your feet about how to eliminate Gabel. You were his match sculpted by some divine presence: his intellectual equal, a beautiful drug that appealed to every instinct he thought had drowned with Kaz Rietveld in the harbor.

Ketterdam had underestimated you, but it brought you to him. For once, he couldn't curse the city for something.

He followed you up the stairs and into the private box, his heart pounding in his chest and his mind muddled by the burning hairpin in his hand. Distantly, he sensed that the two of you were being followed. Your plan, no doubt.

Right, yes. The plan you had.

The private box was small, with a row of two seats in the front and a row of three on a step just above that. The upholstery was covered in grime and dirt from lack of maintenance since the theatre's abandonment, and the wooden arms of the chairs were rotten and crumbling.

You were perched on the step between the two rows of seats, tugging on a pair of boots you'd stashed earlier. You'd also pulled on trousers and tucked the short dress into them, making your outfit more comfortable and functional.

"Are we killing him or just scaring him?" you asked, pulling a knife from the hidden inner pocket of your coat as you tugged it back on over your new outfit. "I think roughing him up would get the point across nicely. I'd hate to get too much blood on this coat."

"That would be a shame," Kaz managed to answer. He handed you your pin and watched you slip it back into your hair. He took a position by the door, hoping the distance would help him focus. "Scare him first."

You nodded and settled in the least grimy seat. Slow footsteps creaked up the stairs, followed by long pauses between each step. The man hoped to go unnoticed and unheard, likely to ambush the two of you as you supposedly indulged in each other.

You twirled your knife across your knuckles, listening to the footsteps approach down the carpeted hall. Kaz gripped his cane tighter and pressed himself flat against the wall, using the shadows to his advantage. He adjusted his grip and raised it, ready to bring it down.

The footsteps stopped outside the door, and you plastered on your sweetest smile. But your fingers were curled around the hilt of your blade, and it glittered with the promise of violence. Such a contrast from the sparkling, luxurious diamonds in your hair earlier, which promised only pleasure.

The door creaked open, and Pieter Gabel stepped into the trap. His lips curled into a smug smirk as he saw you all alone, and an oily strand of hair dropped onto his forehead. He reeked of alcohol and pride, but you maintained your facade as he leaned against the doorway. "Didn't take you up on your offer for a dance, did he?"

Kaz stiffened behind the door, his muscles coiled to strike.

You looked Gabel up and down as if seriously considering his presence as an alternative. Really, you were searching his form for weapons. But he was arrogant and unchallenged thus far; he didn't think the Dregs would come for him so soon.

He was making this too easy.

"He got a better offer from someone else," you said, lifting your shoulders in a delicate shrug. Behind the door, Kaz wrinkled his nose. There wasn't an offer in the world that could tempt him away from you.

You pretended not to notice Kaz's disgust and inspected your nails instead. "Hoping to take his place?" You felt as though you were about to vomit. On stage, it was easy enough to focus only on Kaz and pretend he was the only one watching. But with only this man's gaze crawling over your face, you felt like you were back to your showgirl days: exploited and barely scraping by.

Breathe.

"Perhaps." Pieter shrugged off his ill-fitting topcoat and tossed it to the floor. You nearly gagged on the smell of alcohol wafting off of it, and it took most of your self-control to stay unaffected as he prowled closer. "I'll pay for your next set." He nudged the door shut behind him.

In his inebriated state, he was unaware of the dangerous presence behind him, whose eyes lit up with fury as the target moved toward you. He was only a foot away.

I am not a puppet, you thought. I am in control. With one flick of your wrist, your dagger could be buried beneath his ribs. His blood would seep out, and he'd be nothing more than a man who failed to make Ketterdam know his name. In hours, the city would move on; the dancers would leave, and his followers would scatter and be absorbed into other gangs.

You held this man's fate in your palms, and he didn't even know it. The thought morbidly reassured you.

Kaz saw the decision flicker through your eyes and took a silent step forward. But he didn't strike, watching as you slipped out of your seat and rounded it, revealing the dangerous glimmer of your dagger.

"I have a better offer," you said, twirling the blade in your hand.

Gabel paled, and some semblance of understanding and fear passed through his bloodshot eyes. He stumbled back to put some distance between you, and Kaz was ready. He brought his cane down on the back of one of his knees, making the man grunt and fall forward.

You brought your foot down on his hand as he caught himself, and a wicked rush of satisfaction ran through you as the bones snapped beneath your weight. He cried out and went to grab your ankle with his unbroken hand, but you kicked it aside as Kaz swung the crow's head of his cane downward.

Gabel roared in pain and hunched forward, covering the gash in his temple with his crooked, bruising fingers. Blood seeped between them and down the side of his pale face, and it started to drip onto the carpeted floor.

A heartbeat later, Kaz shoved Gabel's hands away from his face and hooked his cane horizontally across the man's throat. Kaz hauled the man back so he was forced to look up at you. He choked on the wood pressing against his windpipe and fought against the gloved hands holding him in place, and Kaz pulled his cane back to cut off the rest of his air. Gabel's eyes bulged, and he tried to pull the weapon away from his throat; it was no use, and Kaz nodded for you to speak.

"It's my understanding that you think you have a chance at filling the power vacuum left by Pekka Rollins," you said. Gabel's eyes darted away from you as you advanced, and you positioned the tip of your blade against the corner of his eye. It nicked the skin, and blood dripped down his cheek like a gruesome red tear. His gaze turned back to you. "Unfortunately, you treaded too closely into the Dregs' territory and threatened our business. Kaz Brekker is willing to forgive it on three conditions. Wheeze if you're listening."

Gabel let out a barely audible noise of confirmation.

"Good," you said. You held up a finger. "One, you leave the Barrel. Two, you liquidate your possessions here before you leave. And three, you give that money to your dancers and your grunts." The last point was solely your idea; you hadn't discussed it with Kaz, but it was important enough that you would risk his anger at not being informed first.

You wanted to give the dancers and grunts the choice to get out. It would give them power over their fate you didn't have when you were on that stage.

You pressed the edge of your dagger against the underside of Gabel's chin, watching his lips turn blue. "Do we have a deal?

Kaz loosened his grip on his cane, and Gabel gasped for air. "Speak," he said quietly. There was no shortage of danger in his voice, and Kaz kept his cane braced just tight enough against the man's throat that he couldn't get out of this. There was only one answer available to Gabel if he wanted to live.

"Fuck you," Gabel wheezed.

It was a poor choice.

"I'm going to let you try that again," you hissed. Kaz tightened his grip on the cane again as your blade parted skin. Blood oozed down the metal, and you stopped when the cut was just deep enough for him to understand you were serious. Gabel writhed, trying to fight free. But you hadn't pulled your dagger away, and he only succeeded in cutting himself deeper. "Do. We. Have. A. Deal?"

Gabel finally nodded as best he could with the wooden cane in his way.

You pulled back. "Wonderful." You sheathed your knife inside your coat and met Kaz's gaze. "He's all yours."

Kaz released Gabel, who slumped to the side and clutched his throat. His chest heaved as he gasped for air, but it contracted sharply when Kaz brought the blunt end down on his ribcage. Gabel howled in pain and curled his legs to his chest. "You close today, and the dancers get their money by the end of the week," Kaz growled. "If my Dregs see your face on this side of the East Stave, she," he jerked his chin toward you, "will not be so kind again. And when she's finished with you, I'll ensure nobody finds your body."

He lifted his cane from Gabel's chest and held his hand out to you. You took it, and Kaz led you out of the trap you'd set, down the stairs, and out of the theatre, leaving the sultry music and spluttering excuse of a gang leader behind you.

The two of you moved quickly back into Dregs territory, and Kaz kept his hand around yours the whole time. You waited to speak until you were sure nobody was following, and your shoulders remained tense until your surroundings looked familiar again.

Once the Slat was in view, you glanced up at Kaz. "Do you think he'll actually do it?" you asked. You squinted in the early dawn light. Between the buildings, the sun was beginning to rise; you'd been gone longer than you thought.

"If he has any sense of self-preservation, he will," Kaz answered. He looked down at you, and he evaluated your face. He recognized the worried set of your lips, how you seemed to be waiting for something. "You didn't think I'd follow through on the conditions you set."

"I knew you'd follow through, but I thought you'd be upset I didn't discuss it first." You knew Kaz would never deny anyone their freedom. You just knew he didn't like being left in the dark.

You followed Kaz into the sleepy, abandoned Slat and up the long flights of stairs to his room. Along the way, you shed your coat and threw it over your arm, itching to get out of your dress as soon as possible. Now that you were out of the theatre and back in your domain, you were reminded that you were free. You had control. There was no reason you had to stay in the costume or wear one ever again.

Once in his attic room, you tossed your coat over the rickety chair in the corner and helped yourself to one of his spare undershirts while he sat on the edge of his bed and removed his gloves. You could feel his eyes on you as you untucked the short dress from your pants and pulled it over your head, revealing the skin of your back. Kaz saw the physical scars of years past, visible now in the yellow-orange of the sunrise. He wanted to trace them and kiss the ones along your spine.

He wanted to remind you that you were free and apologize for you playing this role, even though those days should be behind you.

Unaware of his thoughts, you pulled the shirt over your head to conceal most of your scars and turned to face Kaz. He dropped his gaze to his shoes, starting to loosen the laces.

You crossed the room and sat beside Kaz. For a moment, you were silent, figuring out what to say. How to tell him how much his support meant. "Thank you," you finally whispered. It felt as if your scars were floating to the surface of your skin for only him to see. Some bubbled up your throat and past your lips, making you flush as you spoke. "For a long time, I wished I had a choice. I hope that the money gives them a choice. I hope that the ones who want to get out can, and I hope the ones who stay use the money however they want. I don't want them to end up like how I was until I joined the Dregs."

A puppet controlled at the whims of others.

"Don't thank me," Kaz said quietly. "You helped them. You gave them what you didn't have in their position and finished the job. As long as the job is over and you're unharmed." He took your hand in his again and laced your fingers together. His gaze met yours, and you saw an unexpected seriousness in his eyes. "You're alright?"

"I'm alright," you said softly. There was residual coldness from being on stage, from having to step into those shoes for even one set of songs, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. You had given the dancers and grunts of the former gang the means to escape the Barrel if they chose, and you secured the Dregs for now.

Protecting the Dregs was a violent cycle of blood, ambushes, fighting, and temporary security. But if some good came out of it and the past you couldn't erase, maybe it wasn't the worst thing in the world. You had some security. You had control over your future.

And you had Kaz, who would be damned if he let Ketterdam take either of those things from you. He'd reduce the city to rubble if it meant keeping the fire in your eyes that he had seen when you first joined the Dregs; then, it was a spark, a hint of what could be. Now, it was an inferno that Kaz would gladly let consume him.

Kaz leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. Nausea twisted in his stomach, and Kaz had to pull his hand out of yours to bear the feeling of his lips on your skin. Still, you smiled and let your eyes slip shut as he somehow said exactly what you needed to hear, what soothed the aching in your chest as the painful memories of a few years ago threatened to make themselves at home.

"Get some rest," he murmured. "I'll get rid of the costume."

TAGLIST: @tonberry-yoda, @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r, @futurecorps3, @statsvitenskap, @sapphiccloud, @casualladyinternet, @d34drapunzel, @noctemys, @whitejxsmine, @so6, @franzelt

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disaster-daydreams · 8 months

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𝔎𝔞𝔷 𝔅𝔯𝔢𝔨𝔨𝔢𝔯

(This is my first drabble for him, I've only seen the show so bear with me please.)

He draws closer with each slow, deliberate step. The air feels void of all oxygen, as if it's seeped out and away from your lungs, leaving you attempting to hide how you can't quite draw a breath.

In truth, he's utterly terrifying. His eyes are the darkest you've ever seen, the color rivals that of the shadows surrounding him- the darkness that colors his office. His spine is straight, and the muted thud of his cane only reinforcing the terror scorching your nerves as he gets impossibly close.

His face is a mask of stoicism. There isn't a single feature that betrays how he truly feels towards you, despite the raging thoughts of worry behind his eyes.

He knew he shouldn't have let you on the job, it being out of your range of skills- more suited for stealth and thievery as opposed to the brute force the job called for. You've paid the price for a new experience, and he's paid in the insufferable feeling of worry and panic that overtook him the moment that guard got too close for comfort.

You'd been slashed at, a poor attempt from the guard to go for your heart- instead landing a scrape just below your left collarbone. Still, Kaz was furious at that particular guard- ruthlessly knocking him down with the heavy metal of his cane, the embossed crow splattered with the poor man's blood, which had since been cleaned.

Above all, he was furious with himself. He allowed the one person he cared for in any romantic semblance to be hurt- granted, your pleas to be out on the job made it hard to say no, which he never could to you.

Right now, he towered over you. His form one alike to a statue, not knowing what to say, or how to express what he felt- not knowing how to convey why he was angry. You'd been awaiting his eventual lecture with static running through your veins, numbness overtaking your hands out of nervousness and the pure strength with which you clasped them together in front of you.

After a moment, his shoulders dropped and his hand hovered over yours, unsure of how to proceed but still wanting to make an effort at comfort. You unclasped your hands and delicately took his gloved one into yours, making sure not to apply too much pressure as to not make him uncomfortable.

"You're never going on a job like that again."

"May I ask why?"

His lips pressed together, he didn't want to confess that he cared. He couldn't- it had already been far too close of a call already, with you getting hurt. How could he forgive himself if you were to be out at the hands of his enemies, once they found out about his weakness towards you? The leverage they'd have once they knew of his feelings towards you? He didn't ever want to put you at risk, but he knew you adored your freedom, and he knew you could handle yourself more than well enough. That knowledge still didn't snuff the thoughts; the what if's? The deep seated worry for you.

So for now, he simply took a deep breath and said, "Because you're far too valuable as an asset to be hurt. You will stick to jobs suited for your skillset, and that is final."

[Written by Angel]

#mod angel #shadow and bone #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone fic #six of crows imagine #six of crows fic #kaz brekker fic #kaz brekker imagine #freddy carter #daydreams original

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queenofspades6 · 8 months

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Extract From Part 2 of Greatest Investment - Kaz Brekker x reader

————

”Kaz.”

”No, Jesper, I don’t want to hear it.“ He replied, gesturing his Crow to leave his office.

“I’ll tell you nonetheless. Y/N will come back when she is ready. She won’t appreciate you ordering Dregs to find her.“

“I don’t care.”

Jesper laughed, and put his hands on Kaz’s desk, ignoring the death glance of Dirtyhands.

”You do care! You’re here sending our men looking for an assassin that doesn’t want to be found! If you didn’t care, you would have moved on.“

“Nonsense.”

”You can’t let her go, admit it, Kaz.”

“Shut up, Jesper.”

Jesper had never seen his Boss so angry, but he couldn’t stop.

”You can’t let her go, and that drives you mad!”

“That’s enough!”

“Oh no, I still haven’t tell you all my mind. Y/N is my friend. She deserves more, Kaz and you know it.”

“Of course, I can’t let her go, she’s my greatest investment!“

“Fuck you and your investment, Kaz! That’s all lies. Y/N is my friend, she deserved more than being your tool. And you know the worst in that? You believe the lies you’re feeding yourself. She’s always been more. If not, why bribing each shop in Ketterdam for her, why tending to her wounds for days and months why you let others die?”

———

Part 1 available here before Part 2!

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simp-nerd-16 · 1 year

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Drunk!yn- do you or do you not feel bonita...?

Kaz- i feel bonita... '_''

Drunk!yn- Wonderful! 'coz you look bonita!

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x y/n #incorrect quotes #shadow and bone #freddy carter #freddy carter x yn #six crows #drunk yn #oockaz #established friendship #established relationship

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lialialow · 2 years

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Masterlist!!

Last updated: 22nd April 2022

Fluff♡︎ Angstఌ Smut❀

Kaz Brekker

- Once upon a time (oneshot) ♡︎ꨄ

- My Lifeline (oneshot) ♡︎ꨄ

- Injuries and Love (oneshot)♡︎ꨄ

Tasm!Peter Parker

- Pretty Cool Guy (oneshot) ♡︎

- Lost and Found (oneshot)♡︎

- Webs and Threads (oneshot)♡︎ఌ

#fanfic #peter parker #peter parker x reader #andrew garfield x reader #grishaverse #kaz brekker x reader #marvel #peter parker ff #shadow and bone #six of crows #kaz x y/n #kaz brekker #tasm!peter parker #x reader #fluff #peter parker fluff #angst #freddy carter #andrew garfield

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daydreamingatnight209 · 2 years

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My Requests are OPEN ✨

Please see my Masterlist for the rules and then message me with the request ☺️

#writing #fluff #fanfic #criminal minds #the resident imagines #mason mount chelsea #evan buckley x y/n #levi ackerman x reader #shadow and bone cast imagines #freddy carter x reader #jax teller x reader #rules on requesting #requests #masterlist #angst #imagines #post

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simplych3rry · 7 months

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-Drunken Giggles-

Freddy Carter/Fem!Reader Platonic Crows Cast x Fem!Reader

Description: Freddy takes care of his drunken friend crush after a party

(Request from @opheliaofficial07: Hello, can I request a Freddy Oneshot where reader is a friend of one of the cast members and they get drunk and Freddy takes care of them)

Warnings: drinking, nausea, headaches, vomiting, clubbing

____________________

“And you’re completely sure this will be fine?” Y/N questioned, running her finger along the edge of the gift bag.

“Yes!” Jack exclaimed for the millionth time that day. “He will love it, I swear,”

“And you’re sure it’s okay for me to come along?” She asked yet again, leaning back against the passenger seat staring at her best friend as he drove.

“Yes Y/N, they all loved you, I swear,” he glanced at her before turning his eyes back to the road. “Now hush before I crash this car,”

She snickered, rolling her eyes, before turning up the volume on the radio station currently playing as her and Jack sang along to the cheesy pop songs blasting from the speaker.

Jack Wolfe had been her best friend since nursery she supposed. She couldn’t remember life without him. They had been there for each other forever. He was practically her brother if you thought about it.

She had been over the moon when he was cast as Wylan Van Eck in Netflix’s upcoming show ‘Shadow and Bone’ and even more delighted when he recently introduced her to his cast mates, which was only fitting as he wanted his new found family his own sister.

They all, naturally, loved her. With her witty jokes and dazzling smile, she was a hit and blended in seamlessly with them despite not even being on the show alongside them.

Freddy, in particular, had paid close attention to this beautiful girl and couldn’t keep his mind off her since.

So now, she had been invited to Kit’s birthday party and was freaking out constantly asking Jack for his reassurance that she wasn’t going to be awkward there and that she would be fine.

It wasn’t that she was nervous about seeing them again, well maybe only Freddy, but she felt like an intruder. Trying to mix in with an already established group.

She watched as Jack reversed into a parking space and switched off the engine, before opening the car door.

Quickly checking her appearance in the overhead mirror, she grabbed the bag in one hand and her purse in the other before swinging open the door and stepping out into the cool breeze.

She shut the door behind her with a bang and smoothed down her silky dress.

She and Jack walked side by side to Kit’s chosen club of the night. The sun was beginning to set and, since it was late October in England, it was already freezing.

“Remember to call a taxi on the way back,” he reminded her, flicking her with his finger.

“Yes, dad,” she groaned, smacking his hand away, laughing

She ran her hands up and down and her arms trying to keep herself warm as they neared the club.

The line was relatively short at this time so they got to the front fast enough.

They flashed the bouncer their ID’s before stepping inside.

As soon as the door shut behind them they immediately lifted their hands to their eyes trying to block out the colourful ribbons of light shooting out from every direction possible.

Loud music filled their ears as they turned to look at eachother.

The dance floor was completely packed with bodies already so it was hard to see anyone in this dim light.

Y/N turned to scan the crowd and noticed a certain brunette boy smiling at his friends.

“Look, there’s Freddy,” she said, raising her voice over the crowd even though she doubted she was heard.

She pointed in their direction and took Jack’s hand to make sure he followed her.

She wove her way around several bodies, grinding to the beat, or flailing their arms around, almost spilling drinks, before reaching her intended destination.

She leaned forward to tap on Freddy’s shoulder but as if sensing her arrival, he turned before she could actually make contact with him.

She did an awkward little half wave with that arm before lowering it.

“Hi,” she said, smiling.

“Hello," he returned the smile.

She was just about to open her mouth before Danielle crashed into her, hugging her tight.

“Hi Dani!” She giggled, hugging her back.

She took turns greeting the rest of the cast in similar fashion before turning to Kit.

“Happy Birthday!” She beamed, thrusting the gift bag forward. “I hope you like it,”

He gave her a hug and thanked her for the gift and coming along too.

Just then Calahan and Jack returned with a tray of drinks, everyone turning to grab one.

Let the party begin.

*****

Somehow, one drink turned into about five.

Well, six by the time Y/N finished gulping down the glass before joining Kit back on the dance floor

By now she was completely drunk.

As were many of her friends around her.

Kit and Y/N were drunkenly dancing, Dani and Amita had taken to loudly laughing at every little thing.

Only Cal, Freddy had remained sober enough, only downing a drink or two.

Jack had left earlier as he told her he had to see his dog? Or was it his mum? Y/N couldn't remember.

The alcohol blurred her thoughts together as she continued dancing.

Eventually, she all but tumbled, very ungracefully, into the seat next to Freddy, pacing just one last shot.

“Easy, easy,” he laughed, warmly, that sound wrapping around her like a blanket.

She laughed back, looking up at him, captured by his outrageously gorgeous eyes.

She leaned forward, a bit boldly, to brush away a strand of hair stuck to his eyelid. He blushed at the contact but it was quite dark so she wouldn’t have seen it.

“Thanks,” he replied but Y/N was already bounding off towards Kit and Dani, who was slow dancing with Amita, again.

He smiled at her dark hair, wildly flicking everywhere and how carefree she looked while dancing.

If only she knew how much he liked her.

*****

“Doing alright love?”

Y/N looked up at the sound of his familiar voice, shivering in the late fall chill.

“Helloooooooo,” she replied, staring into his eyes and leaning against the brick wall, furiously rubbing her hands down her arms for some warmth but to no avail.

Almost everyone had gone home now but Y/N seemed to have forgotten her phone in Jack's car before they left so she was stuck here, drunk and cold, with no way home.

“And who's coming to get you?” He asked, looking around at the street as she was alone outside and it was dark, not the safest of situations.

“I c-cant finnnnnd my phooooooneee,” she hiccuped, looking around her bag again even though she had checked like a million times.

“Oh,” his brows furrowed.

He couldn’t leave her here alone, not while she was drunk.

“I can drop you off,” he offered, searching her face for her reaction. He never would have said it if it wasn’t for the way she was shivering, or maybe it was the drunken smile on her face, the way she still looked perfect despite her current situation.

They had both been dancing around the flames of their attraction, not wanting to ruin their friendship and also completely oblivious to the obvious spark there.

He should’ve just ordered her a taxi but whatever. He cared for her.

Besides, she probably wouldn’t remember this tomorrow.

She nodded aggressively in agreement and bounded off towards the car park.

He laughed before calling, “Wrong way!”

She turned on her heel, remarkably fast for someone who was wearing heels, and let Freddy lead them on.

At some point, and she could not remember when, her feet had gotten so sore she ended up leaning on Freddy, with his arm draped around her protectively.

She was obviously shivering and he felt a slight twinge in his chest.

“Here,” he said, shrugging off his jacket, “Wear this,” he draped it over her shoulder so she would at least have some protection.

She sighed in relief and thanked him before hiccuping again.

He was absolutely freezing but the smile on her face warmed him up just fine.

He sensed the paparazzi would obviously show up soon enough and it was bad enough that Y/N was in this state so he didn’t look around for the occasional flash and focused on getting Y/N to the car quickly before she did something that would end up on tabloids tomorrow.

After what seemed like an age, they finally neared his car, parked in a separate car park a couple of minutes away.

He made her lean against the car frame as he opened the passenger seat for her.

He helped her in and gently shut the door, making his way around to the driver's side.

He settled in and slammed the door shut with him, sheltering himself from the cruel cold.

He rubbed his hands together before starting the engine and turning on the heater.

He looked over at Y/N who was leaning against the window, smiling, in her own world.

He gently tapped her on the leg to get her attention.

“What’s your address?” He asked as she turned around to face him.

She rattled off her address as he keyed it into his sat-nav and buckled herself in.

He slightly raised the volume of the radio station playing so it could fill in the awkward silence as he set down the road.

��So…” he cleared his throat. “Have a nice night?” He asked awkwardly.

He wasn’t really sure what to say.

“Y-yeah,” she hiccuped. “Ffffffabuloussss,”

He laughed warmly as the conversation grew a bit smoother as the journey continued.

Soon enough, they reached her apartment complex as he parked outside.

He turned off the engine and looked over at her, she was slightly snoring.

His lips tipped up in a smile knowing that she was comfortable enough with him to fall asleep.

He opened his car door and got out, rounding the car to her side and opening it.

He nudged her gently, trying to slowly awaken her.

“Y/N,” he murmured, “we’re here,”

She opened her eyes and blinked confusedly in his direction for a second before recognition flickered in her eyes.

He helped her out of the car and blipped it shut behind him.

They made their way towards the entrance.

“Ugh, I’m g-going to chooooop my f-feet offfff,” she groaned, wincing in her heels.

“That’s a bit dramatic,” he laughed but bent down and prised them off her feet.

She practically moaned when her feet were flat on the lobby ground.

He bent down slightly and stabilised his hand beneath her knee and armpits before scooping her up, not willing to let her walk on the dirty ground.

She murmured her floor number and relaxed in his embrace and he thumbed the button and the lift ascended up.

The building was practically silent at this time of night so nobody would see them anyway.

As the lift doors opened and he stepped out, she pointed to which door was hers.

He put her down for a moment, her heels still in his hands, as she fumbled around her purse for a key.

Eventually, she found it and held it in her shaky grip and unlocked the door.

She all but stumbled inside, collapsing on her velvet couch with a ‘thump’.

He shut the door behind him and placed her heels on the ground.

He looked around at her flat, while it wasn’t in the best state it definitely suited her, he supposed.

Chaotic yet beautiful.

He supposed he should go now, now that she was home safely, but he didn’t really want to if he was honest.

“Well, night then,” he waved, turning around to the door.

“Wait,” she exclaimed and shot up on the couch holding out a hand.

His eyebrows furrowed and he turned around facing her.

“Ssssstay, p-please, don’t l-leeeeeave me aloooone,” she slurred, clasping her hands, begging.

“Are you sure?” He asked, uncertainly.

She was drunk and wasn’t thinking right.

“Yes!” She gasped as if it were the most obvious thing on this planet.

He nodded and turned around towards the door again.

“Wait! W-where arrrrreeee you goinnnng?” She hiccuped.

“To lock the door,” he laughed, turning the key and hearing the satisfying click.

She sunk back into the couch and just lay there.

He laughed as she started snoring softly again.

He pushed open a door which he was correct in assuming was her bedroom.

The sheets slightly ruffled as if made in a rush, an overflowing makeup case strewn on her desk, clothes hanging from railings.

He pulled back the bedsheets and went back to the living room and scooped the sleeping beauty up. He lay her onto her bed, taking off the jacket, and pulled the duvet over her.

He supposed her dress wasn't the comfiest thing to sleep in but he didn’t want to invade her privacy like that.

He grabbed the water bottle beside her bed and filled it up with fresh water for her incase she woke up thirsty.

He also dragged a bin beside her incase she threw up.

He smiled softly to himself as she had already made herself comfy in her bed.

He flicked off the light and shut the door, leaving it fractionally open.

He looked around for a couple minutes before he found a spare blanket and he made himself comfy on her couch.

He lay awake thinking of the day's events and what led up to this before sleep began to overtake him too.

His eyes flickered open and shut as he listened to the sleeping girl in the other room, his breath subconsciously matching hers.

*****

“Bleuch,” she heaved into the bin.

Perfect start to the morning really.

She’d woken up with a pounding headache, the driest mouth, the sorest throat and the most aching body ever. Not to mention the nausea that had been rolling around her stomach since she’d finally gotten to her senses.

God, she was never drinking again, she thought as she spewed into the bin again.

Then she heard footsteps approaching her bedroom and she got confused.

Then flashbacks of last night hit her. Oh. It was Freddy. She had asked, no, begged him to stay. Fabulous. She threw up again.

The door tentatively opened and Freddy poked his head inside.

When he saw that she was leaning over the bin, he stepped fully inside and rushed over to her.

“Are you doing okay?” He wrinkled his nose at the stench of vomit.

Without lifting up her head, she gave him a thumbs up before falling back against the bed.

“I am never drinking again,” she stated, voice hoarse.

Jeez, how much did she actually drink to be this hungover.

He snorted, “How are you feeling?” He asked, but she instantly shushed him and he forgot how loud he might sound to her. It felt like a jackhammer drilling into her skull. “Sorry,” he whispers.

“Like I’ve been run over. By a truck,” she groans. Wincing, because everything hurt.

He went over to the window and pulled the blinds up about a quarter way, so the room was still dark enough, then opened the window to get some fresh air in here.

“Why don’t you go shower?” He mused, seeing her rumpled state. Hair matted to her forehead, face pale with nausea.

“I think I’m just going to wait here,” she winced, eyes shut.

“For what?” He scrunched his nose in confusion.

“Sleep? Death? I don’t know,”

He chucked before telling her again: “Go on, shower,”

“That’s if I can even stand,” she muttered before weakly swinging her legs over the bed frame and pushing herself up, grasping onto her headboard.

Freddy stepped forward, grasping her arms and helping her up.

He wrapped an arm around her and helped her hobble to the bathroom.

She smiled at him gratefully and locked the door as he stepped back.

She heard his retreating footsteps and she limped over to the sink and almost had an aneurysm at the sight in the mirror.

She looked dreadful. Her eyes widened alarmingly. How hadn’t Freddy ran away yet?

She groaned quietly. Her eyes were so bloodshot ,that it was genuinely scary, which stuck out even more on her extremely pale face. Her hair was matted in all kinds of ways which made her wonder if she would ever be able to detangle it. Her makeup was smudged and sticky and her party dress was all rumpled.

She stripped off everything in record time and practically cried in relief when that cool water hit her skin.

Meanwhile, after he had cleaned out her bin and replaced it, Freddy set to making breakfast for them. He had settled on a simple avocado on toast for Y/N seeing as she couldn’t stomach much anyway.

For himself, he decided on scrambled eggs and started making them.

The eggs hit the pan in a sizzle and he started to smile to himself as he heard Y/N humming in the other room, sure it was tuneless and random but he loved seeing her comfortable around him.

As he plated the eggs and placed them on her small dining table, he heard the shower turn off and the bathroom door open.

He scoffed down his breakfast in record time, not haven eaten dinner from the night before.

When he finished he washed his plate and left it in the rack for drying.

He gave her a few more minutes before picking up her breakfast and walked to her bedroom door.

“Come in,” she said, voice hoarse.

He opened the door and crossed over the dim room to her bed and lowered the plate beside her.

“I’m not hungry,” she sighs.

He frowns before raising his eyebrows, “You need to eat,”

“No,”

“Yes,”

She stuck her tongue out at him before grabbing the plate and taking a small tentative bite.

Then she let out a soft sound of pleasure: “Oh this is so good,” she moaned, crumbs dropping to her bed frame which she brushed away.

“Stubborn woman,” he muttered, smiling.

“What did you say?” She raised her eyebrow.

“Nothing, nothing,” he chuckled, and felt himself blushing.

“Better be,” she smiled back, heat creeping up her face, invisible in the dark room.

*****

They were both sitting on the sofa watching a movie, despite Freddy’s half hearted arguments that he should leave now, when someone knocked on the door.

He placed his empty soup bowl on the table.

Freddy looked at Y/N before he got up and walked to the door.

Y/N paused the TV and turned her attention to the door, curious to see who was there.

Freddy pulled it open, only to find Jack standing there.

“Oh,” Jack gasped, double-taking over Freddy’s frame before his eyes widened. “Hi,”

Freddy’s face went red, not expecting any of their friends to see them like this.

“It's not what it looks like Jack,” Y/N tried to call but her voice cracked half-way through the sentence.

“I’m here to drop off Y/N’s phone,” he explained, handing it over to Freddy, amusement lighting his eyes, this was unexpected. “She left it in my car,”

“Thanks,” Freddy smiled, not knowing what else to say at this moment.

“Well I’ll leave you guys too it,” he smiled, waving them both goodbye and instantly pulling out his phone as he started down the hall, no doubt to tell the group.

Freddy waved him off awkwardly and shut the door behind him.

He turned back to Y/N sniggering on the sofa like a child.

“Oh shut up,” he rolled his eyes, handing her her phone back.

“You look so embarrassed,” she laughed.

“I'm not,” he countered, laughing along with her.

She pressed play on the movie and they both settled back down to watch it.

Eventually, she had shuffled right close to Freddy, leaning against him with his arm around her.

She looked up at him and whispered in his ear even though there was no one around.

“Thanks for nursing me back to health,”

He looked down at her face and pushed a strand of hair back, smiling back.

“Anytime,”

———————————

So its finally written!

Thank u very much for the request and I hope I did it justice.

Please reblog and comment for what other fics you would like to see! (Check out my first post for characters I write for)

Have a fabulous day/night and thank u for reading!

#freddy carter x reader #freddy carter #shadow and bone cast #kit young #amita suman #danielle galligan #jack wolfe #calahan skogman #six of crows

63 notes · View notes

chengtheauthor · 1 year

Text

Paddy Gibson x famous!reader (social media au) pt. 4

A complete timeline of Y/n Y/l/n and Patrick Gibson's relationship:

One of Hollywood's most beloved and chaotic couples, Y/n Y/l/n and Patrick Gibson, seem to have a perfectly-balanced relationship, particularly when they take turns lovingly trolling each other on social media. The pair began dating in the beginning of 2023 and are now expected to get hitched in the beginning of 2024. It might seem fast, but they have proved that friendship is a great foundation for a relationship. Alongside some chaos.

February of 2023

The premiere of the original Netflix rom-com movie, Paper Rings. Both y/n and Patrick are part of the cast. Fans couldn't help but notice the vehement chemistry they share on screen and off screen, despite being the side characters of the show. Twitter had a whole meltdown after the so-called "chokehold" conversation they had during the press tour. Making the hashtag "whentheyhavemorechemistry" trending. If you read the first part of this fic, you know.

March of 2023

Y/n shared an appreciation post on Twitter about Freddy Carter and Ben Barnes, while Patrick was cut out of the picture. Making a hilarious banter. At that same time she also gushed about how hot Nikolai Lantsov is. Is it really Nikolai whom she's talking about or Patrick?

April of 2023

The soft launching began. Patrick has been sharing his vacation in a series of Instagram posts. Y/n happens to also be on vacation. Eagle eyed and attentive fans are quick to connect the dots of the hints that both actors are giving. Though, the soft launching did not last long as Patrick "accidentally" posted the same picture as y/n. Confirming that they are in a relationship.

Y/n also greeted Patrick on both her Instagram and twitter a happy birthday. Of course, this created another chaotic banter between them.

May of 2023

Y/n and Patrick shared a glimpse of their dinner date. That same month, the met gala was held and Patrick couldn't help but gush over his girlfriend.

August 2023

Patrick was spotted at the vip section of y/n's concert. He was seen blushing when one of the songs written for him was played.

December of 2023

Y/n announced their engagement by posting a picture on Instagram. They were later trending on Twitter. Fans quoted it that their wedding might be the most chaotic and fun wedding to ever happen in the future.

More from Chengtheauthor:

Patrick Gibson and Y/n Y/l/n are now engaged!

The highlights from Taylor Swift's era's tour

A/n: This will be the last part of my social media au series for Patrick Gibson. I will start another series for him. I had so much fun doing this. Thank you for your support! 🫂🥹

The other parts of this series:

#patrick gibson #paddy gibson #patrick gibson x reader #nikolai lanstov x reader #shadow and bone season 2 #shadow and bone #sab s2 #social media au

124 notes · View notes

jahayla-parker · 6 months

Text

Hesitate : Freddy Carter x Reader

8.4k wc

Part of Love of a Lifetime Mini-Series

For full warnings and description, see mini-series masterlist

Freddy ran his hand down his face as he yawned. As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he slowly made his way to the master bathroom. He half-expected y/n to be in there, likely having just woken up herself. So, he was slightly surprised to see she’d seemingly woken up quite some time before; as he’d been on his phone in their bed for a bit upon first awakening and she wasn’t in the bathroom either.

Once he’d freshened up in the bathroom, Freddy ventured out to their living room. His calm and soft footsteps soon turned into frantic stomps against their wooden flooring upon hearing what sounded like y/n’s shaky breathing. He’d barely made it to the edge of the room before his heart seized in his chest as he saw her. Why was his fiancée in such a distressed state?!

Freddy’s worried eyes scanned y/n for any visible explanation for her state. She’d seemingly been pacing their living room while still in her wrinkled pajamas with her hair tousled. Only, Freddy could tell it wasn’t bed head, y/n had clearly been running her hands through her hair for awhile. Not wanting to scare her as she hadn’t shown any sign that she noticed his presence, Freddy cautiously walked over to where she was pacing.

As he crossed to the other side of their coffee table, Freddy moved to stand in front of y/n. He brought his hands up and gently wrapped them around her forearms as he tried to guide her into lowering her arms from her face and hands from her hair. The sight of y/n’s frazzled and teary eyes made Freddy’s hands shake slightly as he went to move them so he could direct her gaze towards him.

The violently rapid thumping in y/n’s chest slowed faintly as Freddy entered into her blurry vision. She blinked repeatedly as she tried to make sense of the situation. Her fiancé Freddy was still in bed, wasn’t he? The warmth of Freddy’s hands seeped into y/n’s clammy cheeks as his sapphire eyes pierced their way through the fog of her mind while she slowly came back to the present moment. “Y/n,” Freddy’s warm honey-coated voice cooed quietly into her ear. The sound cut through the noise in y/n’s head, helping her become fully present.

Freddy watched as y/n’s gaze slowly shifted into a less distant state. He silently waited for her to reacclimate herself to her surroundings. He easily detected the precise moment y/n realized he was standing in front of her, his hands cupping her face. It pleased Freddy to see her reconnect to reality instead of wherever her mind had been off spinning. Yet, it simultaneously pained him because as she did, she promptly let out a choked sob.

Y/n futilely tried to dry her face, pulling back from her fiancé’s loving embrace. She aggressively rubbed her inflamed cheeks with her clammy hands. She felt Freddy cautiously take hold of them as he lowered them from her face. God, she loved him. So much. But why did he have to see her in this state?! How long had she been spiraling into her internal turmoil? It had been the early hours of the morning when she’d crawled out of bed and ventured out here to isolate and not wake him up. Yet, he was here now and wide awake.

“D-di-did I wa-ake you?” Y/n asked, her voice dry. She swallowed thickly to stop the scratching and burning sensation in her throat. She stared at Freddy through her teary eyes, a deep sense of guilt storming inside her.

“No,” Freddy replied swiftly, shaking his head reassuringly. He tenderly shushed y/n as he stroked the backs of her hands. He could read the guilt in her eyes and was desperate to shut it down before she could spiral again.

“Okay,” y/n croaked. She wriggled her stuffy nose to keep from crying. “Good,” she murmured softly before pasting on a tiny fake smile.

Freddy effortlessly read through y/n’s attempts to act as if he’d not just walked in on whatever she was trying to work through on her own. “I wouldn’t have minded if you did, love,” he reminded her sweetly, stepping closer to shorten the distance between them. “In fact,” he continued, moving their intertwined hands to a more comfortable position in the lessened space between their chests. “I’d have preferred you to wake me up, instead of trying to hide whatever’s happening,” Freddy informed y/n as tenderly as he could.

Y/n hung her head instantly. “Sorry,” she whimpered. She unconsciously squeezed Freddy’s hands as her body tightened in response to her raging emotions.

Freddy frowned at y/n’s reaction. He sighed whisperingly. “It’s okay love, I’m just-,” he began, trying to reassure her that he hadn’t been offended.

Y/n quickly shook her head as she lifted her gaze up from the floor. She pulled her hands back from Freddy’s hold on them. She then shifted her arms so she could grip the hem of her clothes as her hands formed fists at her sides. “No, it’s not,” y/n argued angrily. “That’s just it. It’s not okay.”

“What?” Freddy questioned, his brows slightly furrowed in confusion. His eyes scanned y/n’s body language in search of an explanation as to what was going on. “What’s not okay?” He asked softly.

Y/n silently shook her head, unable to speak. Each attempt to breathe resulted in a rumbling in her chest. Her eyes watered more as she went back to staring off into space. She couldn’t do this right now. It was too much.

“Darling,” Freddy gasped faintly as he watched y/n’s distant gaze return. “Please talk to me,” he pleaded, reaching for her hands. “What-whatever’s happening, we’ll get through it, together.” “Just let me help, please,” Freddy begged as he took hold of y/n’s trembling hands.

“No, no, no,” y/n rambled quietly. “You shouldn’t have to!” She tore her hands back before running them down her face. “I’m, I’m,” y/n cried, “so sorry, Fr-Freddy. I-I-“.

Freddy gaped at his fiancée, shocked by her uncharacteristic behavior. “Woah, woah, woah,” he mumbled with wide eyes. “‘ey,” Freddy whispered as he tried to step closer to y/n. Only for her to step back, away from him; causing a foreign stabbing pain in his chest. “Okay,” he whispered slowly as he stepped back. Freddy wanted to make it clear he was accepting her choice to not have physical contact right now. He had to push down his desire to do more for her before he could get himself to step back further. He then walked backwards until he reached their lounge chair. The whole time, Freddy was watching y/n closely. Only once he was seated across the room from her, did he speak again. “I need you to talk to me.” Freddy took a deep breath as he forced himself to ignore the urge to rush over to her and hold her to his chest as she shook before him. “I can’t have you in this state and not know why,” he expressed kindly.

Y/n fanned herself with her hand in a pointless attempt to cool her flushed face. “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she whimpered as she saw the concern covering Freddy’s face. The concern she caused.

Freddy quickly grimaced. He hated whatever was causing his dear fiancée to be so distressed. He shook his head, “you don’t need to apologize”. Freddy frowned as he watched y/n mindlessly pick at her skin. “Just tell me what is on your mind, darling”.

“I can’t though!” Y/n blurted loudly. The force of her voice startled herself slightly. She looked down and noticed she’d pinched her arm as she’d tensed. Not caring about the half-moon indents on her forearm, she continued her rambling. “See I’m not good at that!” Y/n pointed out defeatedly. “That’s just it!” She cried out, her voice sharp and fast.

Freddy squinted at y/n as he tried to read between the lines. “What do you mean?” He asked, hoping for further details as to what was troubling her. He was pleased to see that they were slowly getting somewhere. But, Freddy didn’t dare point that out to her in fear it might make her shut down again.

“I-“ y/n’s voice cracked as her mind argued with her over whether or not to confess the worries circulating in her mind. “Freddy-“ she sobbed as she forced herself to look over at him. The action resulted in her bursting into more tears. She quickly looked away as she began pulling on her hair. “I-… I can’t do this,” y/n whimpered.

Freddy gripped the armrests of the lounge chair. “Do what?” He wondered aloud. “Talk to me?” Freddy sighed lowly, “since when, love?”.

Y/n hiccuped loudly as she shook her head rapidly. “No, no, no, I-,” she dragged her hands down her damp face, leaving faint lines in her fingers’ path. “Fuck. I-…” y/n spoke, voice uneven and jagged. It took a tremendous amount of effort to make herself speak the words on her mind. And even when they did finally leave her mouth, they were so rushed she wasn’t sure it made any sense. “Ican’tmarryyoubecauseI’mnotenoughforyou,” y/n explained, the twisting grip-like sensation on her heart increasing. “ButIwanttomarryyousobadlyandIwanttobeenoughbutI’mnot,” she cried with defeat. She wanted to be, and she would always try to be, but y/n feared it wasn’t possible. No matter how hard she knew she’d try and no matter what she did or how worthy she became, she’d never truly be worthy enough for him. “ButIdon’twanttoloselyoueither and-I-“ y/n confessed, her guilt echoed in her tone.

Freddy blinked slowly as he tried to make sense of the fury of words that just left y/n’s mouth all within a matter of seconds. “Woah, slow down, start over, what?” He asked in a whisper. Try as he might, her response still hit him as an incoherent and slurred rush of words.

“No, damnit… “ y/n mumbled, mostly to herself. She felt her face grow even warmer as she battled with herself. Her facial features scrunched tightly together as she cried over the painful thoughts in her mind. “Neither…” y/n told herself quietly, “neither way feels right”. “Des-deservemoreand-” she gushed before her mind switched arguments, “loveyoumorethananything”.

Freddy sat frozen, uncertain how to approach the situation. He couldn’t make out half of what y/n was saying. He listened to her trailing off as she mumbled something about choices. Focusing on the only part he knew he’d heard correctly, Freddy decided to start there. “What doesn’t feel right?” Freddy asked worriedly.

Y/n couldn’t get herself to look at Freddy, her guilt feeling far too heavy. She tried to take a few shallow breaths as her whole body felt off. Before she could stop it, her knees buckled under her and she fell to the ground.

Freddy shot out of his chair to come to y/n’s aid. His frantic eyes roamed over her as he sprinted across the room. When she didn’t move away and just caved in on herself even more, he dropped down to her level.

Freddy felt like he was truly in the dark, he had no idea what was happening. All he knew was that y/n was deeply struggling and he hated to not know why nor how to help. Freddy did the only thing he could think of and wrapped his arms around his fiancée’s frame. He held her shaking body, slowly resting his head atop hers when she unconsciously leaned against him while crying.

Y/n noticed she couldn’t smell Freddy’s familiar scent due to the amount of snot she’d accumulated during her sobbing. Needing to feel more connected to him right now, she pressed herself into his chest needingly. She allowed herself a moment of comfort as Freddy’s hands rubbed her back and shoulders lovingly. Only, y/n’s relentless worries didn’t let the moment last long. “No, no, no,” y/n mumbled as she suddenly leaned back; away from Freddy. “I can’t le-let you,…“ she whispered in a broken tone. “You-you can’t keep doing this.”

Freddy squinted in confusion as y/n slid across the floor away from him. He stared into her widened eyes as he continued to search for understanding. “Do-doing what?” Freddy asked diplomatically.

“Treating me so ni-nice-ly,” y/n answered with a shake of her head.

Freddy feel a sickening sadness settle into his bones. Why did y/n want him to stop being nice to her? And why was it resulting in her current despair?

“I don’t… don’t.. I don’t, I don’t des-deserve… deserve it,” y/n stuttered, wiping the wet drop hanging off the tip of her nose.

Freddy gaped widely, in complete bewilderment and sadness. Y/n didn’t deserve for him to be nice to her? What was she talking about?! Y/n didn’t deserve to be feeling this way. She did deserve his kindness though. Hell, she deserves more than anything he could offer. Before Freddy could compose his thoughts enough to form a coherent response, he heard y/n resume her rambling.

“I - I can’t… c-can’t m-m-ma-“ y/n sobbed. She curled inwards on herself, her head tucked to her chest and calves tightly pinched against her thighs. “I c-can’t marry y-you,” y/n forced out. She pressed a hand against her lips as some bile rose in her mouth in response to the words.

Freddy’s face blanched instantly. “W-wh-what?” He stuttered, eyes burning. “You….” He breathed heavily as he fought against the new tears in his eyes. “Y-you don’t… you don’t want to marry me anymore?” Freddy asked, voice wavering in time with his panic.

Y/n peeked up at Freddy with one eye, unable to fully face the state of the man she loved hearing her sudden declaration. She shook her head aggressively. “I do- wan-want to-…” she promised, the guilt increasing the acid reflux she was facing. “Ijustcan’t. Not whenyoudeserevesomuchmore,” y/n gushed, “Iknowyouwillsayyoudon’tbutthatswhyIhaveto”. Hating herself and the hauntingly torturous thoughts in her mind, y/n sobbed and unconsciously scratched at her arms. “That’s what feels wrong. Either way feels wrong,” she rambled, her racing thoughts desperate to be spoken aloud for once. “Cause-“ y/n sobbed and tugged on the collar of her now-seemingly-tight shirt. “I -I…I…I- I w-wa-… I want to marry you,” she confessed, risking a glance up at Freddy as he sat patiently a few feet from her. “Bu-but-but…. I-I.. I c-can’t,” y/n sighed loudly, followed by a small strangled whimper.

Freddy calmed some upon hearing y/n reassure him that she wanted to marry him. But, he still couldn’t understand why she supposedly couldn’t marry him. Surely whatever the reason was, they could find a solution. Right? “Wh-why?” Freddy croaked. He cleared his throat and tried to slowly scoot across the floor towards her. “Darling, did… did I do something?” Freddy asked remorsefully.

“No! God, no!” Y/n exclaimed quickly, her wide eyes piercing into his confused ones. “Fuck, see!” she groaned, “This is why!”. She forcefully rubbed her face dry and shakingly pushed herself up from the floor.

Freddy instantaneously copied y/n’s movements. He neared her slightly in anticipation that he’d need to help keep her balance as she stood.

“I - I keep messing things up-“ y/n pointed out, staring at Freddy’s bare feet as he moved towards her.

Freddy frowned deeply, his forehead creasing in response. “Love, what’re you…” he sighed softly. “What happened?” Freddy inquired, still desperate for an explanation as to why she was suddenly so upset. He needed to know what was going on in her mind. Once he knew, he could help her.

“I can’t even speak right, I can’t can’t get my- my words out,” y/n complained. Ironically, she then interpreted herself with a different train of thought. “I…C-can’t offer, like the …umm,” she mumbled, “and you deserve-“.

Seeing that y/n was starting to ramble incoherent nonsense, Freddy sighed softly. “Darling,” Freddy spoke in a balanced tone as he cautiously stepped closer. He pleaded with his eyes for her not to back away. When Freddy saw y/n was complying with his unspoken request, he neared her the rest of way. Finally close enough to touch her again, he slowly brought his hands up until he cupped her face. Freddy stared into her dewy y/e/c eyes. “I need you to take a deep breath, please.”

Y/n nodded stiffly as she tried to breathe for Freddy. Her eyes darted around his face. The loving and compassionate nature of his gaze made her heart twist aggressively in her chest. “It doesn’t feel right,” she whimpered vaguely.

Freddy felt his heartbeat beating faster but forced himself to try to remain calm. “Marrying me doesn’t feel right?” He asked, voice strained. Yet, despite his fluttering voice and heart, his eyes were glued on y/N’s.

Y/n shook her head as she glanced away. “Y-you….” she whispered in a brittle voice. “I can’t- I can’t give you the wedding or the life you des-deserve and like I-,” y/n expressed, tears streaming steadily down her cheeks.

“Woah, woah, nuh-uh, pause for a moment, love,” Freddy rushed out frantically. He tilted y/N’s head until she was forced to look at him again. “What in the world are you going on about?” He huffed. “You’re ev-everything to me,” Freddy argued breathily.

Y/n trembled as she stared into Freddy’s far too sincere eyes. “That’s the problem. I -I can’t believe that you-you love me like you do,” she gushed with a whine. “You-you deserve to be-… you deserve someone who can give you everything and that’s… that’s not me”. Y/n grimaced as her voice cracked loudly during her statement.

Freddy stared, baffled over the situation. “Y/n, you’re not hearing me.” He tried to keep his voice comforting despite his determination to correct this train of thought quickly. “You are everything, love,” he whispered, fingers gently pressing into her cheeks over his need for her to understand. “Please, don’t-,” Freddy began softly.

Y/n yet again shook her head. “I-I…” she whimpered as she stepped back from Freddy’s hold. “I want more for you.”

The confession sent an aching pain through both of their hearts.

“Y/n-,” Freddy whined quietly as he moved closer.

“No,” y/n said in a voice that was somehow firm yet weak. The tone matched her conflicting viewpoints and emotions perfectly. “I-… Freddy,” y/n spoke lightly as she took a deep breath to compose herself enough to look at him. “I..I love you,” she cried, “so much but…”. “But…,” she shook her head again, but her gaze stayed on him. “I don’t-,” her voice cracked as she sniffled, “I don’t know how to do this.”

Freddy’s brows wriggled in confusion as his head tilted faintly to the left. “Do what?” He asked.

“Marriage,” y/n answered, “Freddy; marriage.” She blinked past the tears clouding her vision as she focused on Freddy’s loving gaze. “I don’t… I don’t know how to be a good wife or-,” she began nervously. She wasn’t even sure where to start explaining her incompetence.

“Oh, love,” Freddy cried out quietly. He shook his head as he neared y/n again. He promptly took hold of her frantically trembling hands. “I’m not looking for a good wife, whatever that even entails,” Freddy promised affectionately. “I’m just looking to spend the rest of my life with you,” he clarified devotedly.

Y/n’s lip shook as she willed herself to stop crying emotions to have a proper conversation. “I’m gonna-gonna mess it up,” she declared weakly, her saddened eyes stuck on Freddy’s comforting blue ones.

Freddy furrowed his brow slightly. He wordlessly pulled y/n’s fingers away from her palms before he ran his thumb over the now-irritated skin. His frown grew at the feeling of the crescent moon indents on her soft skin from having been clenching her fists so tightly. “Mess what up?” Freddy questioned calmly as his thumb continued to try to smooth out the skin on her palms.

Freddy barely heard the squeaked response y/n gave him. But, the weak, “us,” she offered in answer to his question still caused a small hitch in his breathing. Why was y/n so certain she would mess up their relationship? She’d always gone above and beyond for him and for them. Where was this coming from? Freddy knew she oftentimes felt like she wasn’t enough in a general sense. But, he didn’t know that applied to her feelings about their relationship as well. Was this new? Was it only now that he’d proposed marriage that she felt inadequate? Or had she always felt that way and he just never knew? Freddy sincerely hoped it wasn’t the later. Well, he hoped it wasn’t the case at all. But, if that wasn’t possible, he at least hoped it was a new feeling for her and that he could stop it immediately.

Freddy’s head tilted unconsciously as he gazed at his fiancée lovingly. He didn’t know how to shut this down, but he needed to. She deserved to know that whatever had her thinking this was false. In order to get to the bottom of it, Freddy decided to ask for clarification. “What do you mean? Why do you say that, darling?”

“Cause I… “ y/n trailed off. She freed one of her hands and ran it down her face as she worked to stay calm. She nearly lost her composure again when Freddy took her hand back and kissed the backside of it supportively. Y/n focused on his encouraging stare, using it as a tether to some semblance of strength. “I- I don’t have-have-,” she mumbled, voice shaking profusely.

Freddy saw how much y/n was still trembling. He also heard the way her voice kept cracking and how shallow her breathing was. He frowned. “Hold on,” Freddy cooed, guiding y/n over to their couch. Once they’d reached the edge of the sofa, he silently signaled for her to sit with him. Freddy smiled lightly, pleased when y/n did so without hesitation. He reached one hand let to her head and slowly brushed some disheveled hair away from her sweaty forehead. Freddy leaned over and pressed his lips against her forehead silently. His lips easily tasted the saltiness of her skin, bringing him back to the matter at hand. “I’m going to get you some water, then we’ll keep talking this out, okay?” Freddy asked rhetorically as he stood up to make his way to their kitchen.

Y/n watched her fiancé as he stood above her at the edge of the couch. Her tears fell silently at the loving look he was giving her despite what she was them through right now. She took a shaky breath as Freddy wordlessly dried her tears with a look of understanding and deep empathy. Y/n nodded her head that he could do what he felt he needed to do, knowing it was the least she could offer him.

After Freddy had forced Y/n to sip on some water, he took the glass back from her and set it on the coffee table beside them. “Alright,” he whispered, intertwining their hands. “Now, darling, what’s going on?” Freddy questioned vaguely, letting her guide the conversation.

Y/n bit her lip as she tried to form a coherent answer. “I don’t…,” she sighed, “Freddy…”. Y/n squeezed his hand tightly for support. “I don’t have… I’ve never had.. umm a… I grew up in a… in a broken….”. Y/n puffed her cheeks in frustration as she groaned. “I don’t know what a good-….”. She nearly became overwhelmed with frustration towards herself until she felt Freddy lovingly squeezing her hand. She knew it was him patiently signaling for her to take her time finding the right words. Using his advice, y/n finally found the words she needed to express her worry. “I’ve never had an example of a healthy marriage”.

Freddy hummed in realization. He knew about y/n’s upbringing, of course. But, not once had he ever considered it to be problematic when it came to their own relationship. Yet, Freddy could understand why she might feel apprehensive about the whole ordeal given what she’d been through and witnessed.

“I don’t know what… what that looks like,” y/n admitted bashfully. “Or… err… uh., how to do that. Every, every marriage I’ve seen has either ended in divorce or a toxic relationship people just stuck with.” She frowned as a stray tear escaped her eye despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. “And-… I… I don’t want that for us, for you,” y/n expressed remorsefully.

Freddy quickly squeezed both of her hands lovingly. “It won’t be,” he vowed affectionately. He noticed y/n was about to protest his declaration. “I know, you’re going to say I can’t possibly know that, but..” Freddy paused to gaze into her blissfully familiar eyes. “Darling, I know us. We can, and have, worked through anything; we just have to talk, love.”

Y/n sniffled and slowly broke eye contact with Freddy. She hung her head in shame. “I’m not good at that,” she whimpered. “Clearly,” she added humorlessly as she waved her hand around.

Freddy stopped y/n’s flailing hand, holding it tighter to him. “You’re doing it, love,” he pointed out diplomatically. “I know it’s not easy, but you’re still doing it. We just have to get you to remember that you don’t have to hide things from me,” Freddy explained, formulating a plan to best address these issues. “Even if you’re worried it’ll upset me. As, I’d rather we face it together,” he told her tenderly.

Y/n sniffled. “You shouldn’t have to remind me of that-,” she sighed.

Freddy frowned and shook his head. “Y/n no,” he corrected gently, “don’t do that.” He brought their hands up to his lips, placing a faint kiss to her knuckles. “You’ve been though a lot in your life, honey,-“.

“That doesn’t make it okay, Freddy,” y/n declared with a huff. “You deserve someone healed, and-“.

Freddy’s forehead creased as his gaze narrowed ever so slightly in response. “No, no, no,” he said cutting y/n off. “I’m not going to have you decide that for me.” Freddy took a deep breath and relaxed his facial muscles. “Respectfully.” He tilted y/n’s head up until her gaze met his. “Darling, you are the strongest, most resilient, and kindest person. With the most beautiful soul and heart. You’re not broken.” Freddy gave her a small smile as she maintained eye contact with him. “And even if you were, that wouldn’t stop me from loving you. I know you’re scared, but please, don’t push me away because you think I want or deserve anyone but you, because I don’t”.

Y/n ignored the inherent urge to keep a wall up. Instead, she let her sobs escape her lips as she practically threw herself into Freddy’s awaiting arms. “I’m sorry I’m being so difficult,” y/n apologized, clutching onto Freddy like a lifeline. Which, to her, he was. Her mind had almost convinced her that she knew better than him what was right for him and that it wasn’t her. She’d been willing to give him up for his own sake even though the thought alone nearly destroyed her. Freddy had pulled her out.

“You’re not difficult, you’re real,” Freddy amended lovingly. “And I appreciate you being honest with me,” he pointed out, holding y/n to tightly. "I love you, that means I'm not just here for the pretty parts. I'm here no matter what.”

After sitting in Freddy’s embrace for a few healing moments, y/n spoke up. “I still don’t know how to- to umm- …my parents, well you know…” she trailed off. “And sure, my grandparents stayed together, but you saw how things were, and…” her sniffle broke up her rambling thoughts briefly, “even my aunts and uncles and- I just-…”.

“I can imagine how that might make you doubt marriage,” Freddy acknowledged. He ran his hand up and down y/N’s back slowly. “But, love, I promise-“.

“No Freddy,” y/n interrupted, leaning back. “I know it can work. Your parents made it work,” she said with small smile; one Freddy shared back. “And your grandparents, and h/f/n, and-… anyways, but it’s just I didn’t grow up with that… example to lead me”. Y/n bashfully bit into her bottom lip as she awaited Freddy’s response.

“Darling, I’m not worried about you not having had an example,” Freddy assured y/n simply. “Each relationship is different,” he reminded her. He used his thumb to gently pull y/n’s bottom lip free from the entrapment of her teeth.

“But… I don’t know that… that I have… that I have what it takes to-“ y/n expressed nervously.

Freddy quickly but lovingly shushed y/n; promptly stopping that thought from taking hold. “That’s not true.” He kept ahold of one of her hands but moved his other hand to her cheek. “This relationship is ours, and all it takes is us, you and me,” Freddy declared passionately.

Y/n snuggled into Freddy’s chest. “Okay,” she whispered lovingly. She gave him a small nod before nuzzling her head further into his torso. “You and me,” y/n agreed softly as she peered up at him.

Freddy grinned and nodded back. “You and me,” he echoed in a delicate whisper. “What else is on your mind?” He asked after a few seconds. “You said something about the wedding itself?”

Freddy watched as y/n flickered her eyes away instantly, making his worry return. He felt her nod her head faintly as she started playing with her hands resting in her lap. Freddy squeezed her hands and smiled softly at her when she looked up in response to the gesture.

Y/n took a visibly deep breath. “I… I can’t give you a tra-traditional wedding …” she trailed off solemnly.

Freddy squinted at y/n, his lips pursed slightly. “Darling what are you-“ he began to ask, confused once again.

“The whole… bride giving away thing, the father walking-…” y/n mumbled as she stared at their interlaced hands.

Freddy’s lips parted and he sucked in a breath before responding. “You’re worried I’m going to be let down by you not having your father walk you down the aisle?” he asked seeking confirmation. He watched patiently as y/n sucked in her bottom lip and nodded.

Freddy sighed, letting go of one of y/n’s hands. He then brought that hand up to cup her face and tilt her chin upwards and eyes towards him. “Love,” he cooed, “I couldn’t care less about that.” Freddy’s thumb traced her cheekbone tenderly. “In fact,” he paused briefly, “I’m sorry it’s for the reason that it is… But, I’m actually glad you’re not going to have him walk you down the aisle”.

“Y-you are?” Y/n questioned, tilting her head backwards further to see Freddy better.

“Y/n, I know what he did to you and what he didn’t do for you,” Freddy reminded her gently as he shook his head. “And, I know how he makes you feel. I don’t want him anywhere near you.” He let out a soft sigh as he continued stroking her face. “I respect you enough to let you choose if you’ll ever resume having contact with him again, and if you had for any reason really wanted him to be there, and or to escort you down the aisle, that would be your choice.” Freddy pushed down the anger he felt over even thinking about her father and what y/n had been subjected to because of him. “But,” he shook his head, “like I said, I don’t care to have him anywhere near you.” Freddy leaned forward and placed a faint kiss to y/n’s forehead. “I know he’s your father, but you and I both know that doesn’t mean anything. He doesn’t deserve to be there.” He sighed quietly as he pulled back to gaze into her surprised eyes. “You deserve to have the chance to have someone walk you down the aisle if you wanted that, and I’m sorry that you were put in this situation where you had to decide if it was worth it. But, I more than support you not inviting him,” Freddy promised.

Y/n blinked rapidly as she studied Freddy’s eyes. She could see the sincerity in them easily. But she still felt uncertain. “Really?” Y/n asked quietly.

“Yes, really,” Freddy nodded. “Y/n, I’m on your team always,” he vowed, “especially when it comes to things with him. I always have been, darling”. Freddy delicately dried the few tears that trailed down y/n’s cheeks.

Y/n smiled softly in appreciation. “I - I know,” she admitted, always having felt his support on the matter, “and I really really appreciate th-that.” “I just,” she sniffled, “I wasn’t sure how disappointed you’d be to marry someone who…” Y/n paused as she worked to find the proper words for her concern. “-had to break, or err… not follow that tradition,” she concluded.

Freddy moved his thumb back to the side of y/n’s cheek as he went back to cupping her face. “My darling, we’ll make our own traditions.” He smiled tenderly at her. “I don’t need anything more than you,” Freddy promised warmly. “If you wanted to skip all of it and get married at the city hall, we could. I’d love a wedding, sure, but I just need to be with you. I just want to be your husband.”

Y/n’s tense body visibly melted in relief over Freddy’s declaration. “I love- love y-you,” her voice cracked, tears forming in her eyes for a different reason this time.

“I love you too,” Freddy murmured. He closed his eyes and kissed her forehead. “Is there anything else you worried about?” He asked, wanting to address any lingering concerns she may have.

“Ummm…” y/n mumbled. She hated that there were still worries she had. Freddy had worked so hard to calm her down and yet she couldn’t fully relax yet. “I-it’s just…uhhh..,” her frail voice trailed off with guilt.

Freddy read the guilt in her tone and hummed softly. “It’s okay,” he encouraged, tapping her cheek. “What is it?”

“I can’t- I can’t help but think about how my family isn’t con-contributing as much for the wedding, like your mom has already gone out and-“ y/n expressed. Her voice raised slightly as her nerves took control.

“‘’ey, ‘ey, ‘ey, I don’t mind,” Freddy promised. “Neither does my mum, nor the rest of my family.” “The rest of our family,” he amended. “They love you and already see you as a daughter. They’re not mad, or upset, or whatever else your mind is trying to make you believe,” Freddy reasoned. He chuckled lightly, “my mum is insanely thrilled to be helping, love”. Freddy lowered his hand back down to grab y/n’s free hand. After slowly uncurling her fingers, he brought her hand to his lips, “please, don’t worry about that”.

Y/n silently scanned Freddy’s deep blue eyes. “Really?” She asked, trying not to flinch at the fact she’d asked that question a million times today. When Freddy nodded in confirmation, she let out a sigh of relief. “Okay,” she replied quietly, her shoulders lowering in relief.

Freddy rubbed y/N’s hands as he gazed into her eyes in silence for a few moments. He tilted his head slightly and pressed his lips into a flat line. “I can still see a linger of doubt in those y/e/c eyes,” Freddy announced.

Y/n shook her head rapidly to reassure him. She wasn’t doubting him or them. That’s not what any of this was. She wasn’t even doubting herself per se. She was simply feeling inadequate in her ability to meet the level of wife she felt Freddy deserved. “It’s not doubt,” she explained, pleased when Freddy nodded with an expression that told her he understood her wording. “It’s a fact,” y/n murmured when he didn’t let her off the hook so easily.

“And that is?” Freddy asked, pulling both of her hands to his lap. He watched her patiently as he fiddled with her soft hands.

Y/n bit into her bottom lip and sighed. She knew she was going to say something Freddy didn’t want to hear. And she wished she didn’t feel this way. That she could just accept what Freddy told her. But, she couldn’t. Not yet. Not when she cared so strongly for him that it felt wrong to deny him more. “That you deserve more,” she said, her voice sounding distant even to herself.

Freddy’s chest tightened briefly as he watched the love of his life still struggle to comprehend just how worthy she was. He knew her past was to blame, but he wished she didn’t have to feel like this. She was everything to him and no one could ever outdo her; despite her evident opinions and worries of the contrary.

“I want you,” Freddy said firmly but with deep warmth. “None of the things you’ve mentioned bother me, my darling,” he promised. “Even if something happens that neither one of us predicted or expected, I’d still want to be with you. I don’t want to face anything without you.” Freddy squeezed her hands tightly. “Good or bad.”

Y/n sniffled loudly as she stared up at him. She cautiously pulled her hands back before reaching over for a pillow. Y/n cradled the pillow tightly to her chest as her body started to shake again. She gave Freddy a shaky nod, her head barely peeking out above the top of the pillow pressed against her.

Freddy’s left corner of his lips curled up slightly at the sight before him. He could see the way y/n’s eyes were teary but held warmth instead of fear in them. “Can I give you a hug?” Freddy asked, eyeing the pillow blocking his ability to hold and comfort her.

“Yes please,” y/n cried out. She quickly slid the pillow across her body and back onto the couch. Y/n promptly buried her face in Freddy’s neck as he closed the distance between them. She hummed unconsciously as she felt his strong arms holding onto her tightly.

“Even if there were a line of people just like you before me offering everything your mind is trying to convince you that you’re unable to give me, I’d say no,” Freddy whispered, his lips pressed to the back of y/N’s head right behind her right ear. “I only want you, Y/f/n y/m/n y/l/n,” he vowed, squeezing her as he cradled her in his arms.

“I want you too Freddy,” y/n spoke as she wrapped her arms around Freddy’s back. “I swear, I do.” She clutched his shirt material in her fists as she tried to hold him impossibly closer. “I..I…I-I need you to-to know,” y/n declared, her voice cracking with fear, “I’m… I’m not saying I don’t love you or that I don’t want to marry you, ca-cause I do!” She sniffled loudly as she tried to keep her composure. “I-in fact, it’s because I do that-“.

Freddy smiled softly, nuzzling his head into y/n’s shoulder. “I know,” he promised affectionately.

“I’m sorry for going about it like this,” y/n sighed, her voice slowly lowering back to its normal register. “And.. for… having these insecurities- I’d understand if you changed-“ she rambled nervously.

“Y/n,” Freddy spoke, one hand cradling the back of her head, the other on her lower back. “This doesn’t change my opinion of you,” he promised, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“It doesn’t?” Y/n’s soft voice asked, muffled faintly by Freddy’s chest.

“No,” Freddy attested. “But, it does make me see that we have things to talk about,” he told y/n calmly, “because I understand you’re worried, but I don’t want you to ever fear those things having any impact on me or us”.

“It’s not your fault,” y/n sighed, needlessly pulling Freddy closer.

“I know,” Freddy reassured y/n. “But, that doesn’t mean I can’t be there to help you through it.” He let the hand on the back of y/n’s head play with her hair. “If you’ll let me?” Freddy requested tenderly.

Y/n nodded her head rapidly. “P-please,” she begged. Freddy was far better at silencing the tormenting voices in her mind than she was. “I - I don’t want to lose you, but I also want what’s b-best for you,” y/n explained.

“You’re not going to lose me, darling,” Freddy vowed, eyes closed as he focused on the feeling of having y/n in his arms. “And you are what’s best for me. I’ll show you; erase any doubt. It’ll take time, but we’ll get there,” he determined.

“Thank- thank you,” y/n said as she cleared her throat. “You don’t have to do this, but I really-,” she began, pressing a kiss to the shirt covering Freddy’s chest.

“I want to,” Freddy cut y/n off, tugging her impossibly closer.

“It’s not overwhelming, or frustrating, or-?” Y/n wondered.

Freddy shook his head. “No. It just means you need me right now,” he hummed, pressing a kiss to her head. “And, I’m honored to be needed and we’ll get to where you don’t ever doubt these feelings I have towards you, to a point where you can see how you deserve these feelings and sentiments,” Freddy declared confidently.

The couple sat in peaceful silence for quite some time, simply enjoying each other’s presence and physical affection. They shared tender squeezes and delicate kisses as they snuggled together on the couch.

Freddy slowly lifted his head off y/n’s as he leaned his chest back against the couch in order to see her. “Y/n,” he spoke, his voice quietly breaking through the silence. “I do have one thing I want to be sure of,” Freddy admitted, running his hand through her hair.

“Okay,” y/n replied warmly, lifting her head off Freddy’s chest. She smiled at him and nodded her head, “of course”.

“If it makes you more comfortable,” Freddy began cautiously. He didn’t want y/n to think he was changing his mind. But he wanted to know she was comfortable with where things were going. “I’d be fine being your boyfriend for the rest of our lives,” he proposed, “if that’s easier or more comfortable for you.” Freddy brushed some hair from y/n’s forehead tenderly. “I just want to be with you, be someone to you.”

Y/n forcefully shook her head no. “I- I do want to marry you!” She pressed her palms against Freddy’s chest softly. “I’m so sorry I made you think otherwise, I-“.

Freddy took hold of y/‘N’s hands from his chest and pulled her closer. “You didn’t y/n, -“ he argued warmly.

“Yes I did,” y/n protested with a frown. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be saying that,” she sighed. She curled her fingers around Freddy’s and squeezed. “My stupid.. my rambling got-“ y/n mumbled.

“Y/n, darling,” Freddy cooed. He leaned his forehead against y/n’s and smiled softly. “I don’t doubt your love for me,” he reassured her. “If anything, it’s somehow even more clear now than it’s ever been. And I didn’t think that was possible, darling”. Freddy felt his cheeks flush as his grin grew at the thought. He lifted his right hand up to cradle y/n’s face. “The fact that you’d worry about these things to the point of-“ Freddy intentionally trailed off, not wanting to bring up the specifics now that they’d been addressed already. “I know you love me so much.” He rubbed his nose against y/n’s as he gazed lovingly into her eyes. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me,” Freddy commented lightly. “I just want to make sure we take things at the right pace, something that’s comfortable for you.”

“We are,” y/n said as she nodded. “I do want to marry you, I always have,” she vowed. She wrapped her hand around the back of Freddy’s neck as she pressed her forehead against his more. “It was just that I wanted to make sure I was the best option for you,” y/n clarified.

Freddy smiled and nodded his head against y/n’s slowly. “Well, since that’s truly all you were worried about, I assure you,” he whispered, nose rubbing against hers tenderly. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, darling. I couldn’t be happier with my choice. I know I was fortunate enough to manage to secure the best option, period”.

Y/n blinked quickly. “I swear- I-…” she mumured lovingly as she peered into his beautiful deep blue eyes. “It..it feels like - like I’m dreaming or something,” she confessed fondly. “I just… I never thought I’d have someone who just… gets me the way you do, and-“ y/n rambled blissfully, looking away as her eyes watered.

“You aren’t dreaming,” Freddy promised, his thumb hooking under y/N’s chin. “Look at me, love,” he pleaded, helping her guide her gaze back up to him. “This is real,” he swore, cupping both sides of her face, “we’re real”.

Freddy placed a featherlight kiss on the back of y/N’s exposed shoulder as he unclipped her necklace. He carefully set it on their dresser, admiring her through the mirror. He blushed as y/n caught him staring, her eyes flickering open as his lips left her skin. He hid his face in her shoulder making her giggle. “Hair up?” Freddy mumured bashfully as he lifted up a scrunchie from the top of the dresser.

Y/n nodded and smiled at Freddy through the reflection in the mirror. She breathed calmly as his tender fingers delicately gathered her hair behind her. Her eyes trailed over his reflection as she visually worshiped the amazing man she was able to call her fiancé.

Freddy’s blush deepened as he caught sight of the way y/n was looking at him in the mirror. He never doubted her love for him, even when she expressed her worries earlier today. But, even if he had, the look on her face right now would’ve removed any trace of doubt. He smiled giddily as he finished securing her hair atop of her head.

“Ring on or off, darling?” Freddy questioned, sliding his hands down y/n’s sides. He lifted her left hand off the dresser top, thumb rubbing along the palm side of her ring finger.

Y/n spun around abruptly. “On!” She rushed out, rapidly taking her hand back. She clutched her ring and ring finger to her chest, almost in a panic again. “On,” y/n repeated.

“Darling girl,” Freddy whispered calmly. “I’m not going to take it away from you,” he said with a soft shake of his head. “I was just going to set it on the nightstand for the evening, it’s not safe to sleep with it on every night,” Freddy explained, smiling down at her. He crooked his head and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “But it’s alright, you can sleep in it tonight if you wish, either way, it’s yours; forever”.

Y/n grinned in relief and nodded. She slowly let go of her own wrist before reaching for his hand. “Did you want to change your shirt?” She asked, noticing the material probably wouldn’t be the coziest to sleep in. When he nodded with a sweet smile, she nodded and smiled back as she spun to grab a new top for him.

Freddy slid closer to y/n in their bed. He held onto her left hand and gave it a tender squeeze. With a soft hum, he lifted their interlaced hands up to his lips. Freddy pressed a long lingering kiss to y/n’s engagement ring before curling into her body.

Y/n hummed in response, wrapping her arms and legs around Freddy tightly. She buried herself into his embrace, smiling against his chest as she sighed peacefully.

“You have cold feet,” Freddy mentioned in a hushed voice. He instantly hooked his legs around y/n’s to bring her feet closer to them.

“No!” Y/n panicked, her wide eyes staring up at Freddy worriedly. “It wasn’t that, and I’m okay now,” she promised. Both of her hands cupped Freddy’s flushed cheeks lovingly as she gazed affectionately into his bright blue eyes.

Freddy’s cheeks flushed crimson as he chuckled lightly. “I meant your literal feet,” he explained tenderly, “darling”. He craned his neck to press a soft kiss to y/N’s nose as he began to rub his feet against her cold ones.

“Oh,” y/n giggled with a bashful grin. She blissfully snuggled back into Freddy’s embrace. While letting her eyes flicker up to his face, she kissed his collarbone.

“Want me to get you some slippers?“ Freddy offered, pushing some loose strands of hair back from y/n’s neck. He smiled to himself as y/n silently shook her head no before tucking her feet under his legs. Freddy hummed and used his feet to wrap the blanket under both of their legs to aid his attempts to warm her feet.

With their legs and feet intertwined, y/n slowly slid herself up on Freddy’s chest. She grinned as his arms slid back around her reflexively. She cupped his face as she stared intently into his eyes.

“Thank you Freddy,” y/n states with an audible intensity to the purpose of her words. She noticed he was about to argue that she didn’t need to thank him so she softly shook her head to stop him. “Thank you,” she repeated, locking her gaze with his. She let her eyes flutter shut before she leaned in and gave him a deep passionate kiss. “I am honored, and cannot wait, to become your wife,” y/n informed him as their lips parted.

Freddy grinned widely, his cheeks flushed cherry red. He bit his bottom lip briefly before he pulled y/n in for another kiss. “The honor is mine,” Freddy stated after the needy kiss.

Taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @alex-kazbrekkersimp @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @el-de-phi @whistle1whistle

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swan-of-sunrise · 7 months

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Necessary Evils (Tales From The SSR)

Summary: As they await news of Michael Carter's surgery, (Y/N) and Jack discuss her unwanted connection to Arnim Zola and the feel of foreboding that the former Hydra doctor left in his wake.

Pairing: Jack Thompson X Fem!Reader, Peggy Carter X Daniel Sousa, Edwin Jarvis X Ana Jarvis

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: Hi there! This week's surprise one-shot is gonna explore a little of Specs' whereabouts in the aftermath of Bucky Barnes' death in The First Avenger and we're gonna have some great moments between her and Jack, so buckle up! Thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoy!

Necessary Evils January 1948 Los Angeles County Hospital, Los Angeles (Previous One-Shot)

“I got you some tea from the hospital’s cafeteria.” (Y/N) was pulled out of her silent reverie by Jack taking a seat beside her and offering her a disposable paper cup, the concerned gleam in her boyfriend’s blue eyes accompanied by the smallest of smiles for her benefit. “Earl Grey and two teaspoons of honey; I know how much it helps when you get one of your stress headaches.”

(Y/N), touched by his thoughtful gesture, reached over and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “Thank you, sweetheart.” She reached for the cup and after taking a long sip, she sat back in the uncomfortable waiting room chair with a frustrated sigh. “I hate this. The longer the surgery takes, the more I’d like to burst into that operating room and re-arrest that Nazi bastard before he tries anything funny with Michael.”

Beside her, Jack nodded as he patiently listened to her threats and threw Peggy – who was anxiously pacing across the hospital waiting room while Daniel unsuccessfully attempted to talk her into sitting down – a furtive glance before replying, “I don’t think this Zola guy would risk a lifetime imprisonment or execution by trying to bump off Carter mid-surgery, Specs. I mean, Stark and half a dozen MP’s are watchin’ him and the neurosurgeons like hawks as we speak, and he’s not gonna jeopardize the sweet deal the JIOA cut for him for something as low-stakes as this.”

“I wouldn’t call any of this ‘low-stakes,’ Flyboy,” (Y/N) murmured, looking around the fully-occupied waiting room and reflexively tightening her grip on her cup of tea; she, Jack, Peggy, Daniel, and the Jarvises, along with over a dozen uniformed SOE officers and SSR officials, were gathered at Los Angeles County Hospital for the long-awaited surgery that would theoretically restore Michael Carter’s mind to what it was before the brainwashing that Hydra subjected him to during the war. Several of the SOE officers served alongside Michael and had volunteered to travel from England to be with their fellow soldier in his time of need, but Peggy was understandably the most concerned of them all; Michael made his younger sister promise not to contact their parents about his staged death in 1941 and sudden reappearance until it was confirmed that the dangerous surgery was a success, wanting to prevent Harrison and Amanda Carter another heartbreak on the off-chance that Arnim Zola and the team of neurosurgeons failed and he passed away on the operating table. The Carter siblings spent several minutes alone with one another before they wheeled Michael into the operating room and since then, Peggy hadn’t been able to stay still. I’d be the same way if Freddie’s life were in the hands of that Nazi son of a bitch, (Y/N) thought to herself and one of her hands moved upwards to caress the locket containing her deceased brother’s photograph as she sympathetically watched Peggy continue to pace.

“You know what I mean.” Jack scooted closer to her side and when she finally looked over at him, the look of concern in his blue eyes was as prominent as ever. “Look, I get why Peggy’s taking all this personally…but I can’t figure why you are, too. You can talk to me, baby…” His hand moved to rest on her shoulder, and (Y/N) could feel the comforting warmth of his touch through the thin material of her blouse. “Whatever you’ve gotta say, I’m here. And if you don’t feel up to talkin’ just yet, then I’ll still be right here with you.”

(Y/N) lowered her gaze to her lap and spent several moments mustering the strength to speak, her voice wavering as she recalled some of the darkest moments of the war, the ones that she wished she could forget forever but sadly never could. “I helped capture Zola. I was deployed with the Howlies in the Swiss Alps, and we were tasked with finding and capturing Zola to interrogate him about Schmidt’s plans. Morita intercepted several radio transmissions from Hydra and after I decoded them, we had confirmation that Zola was on a train scheduled to travel through the same mountain pass that we were navigating. Steve, Bucky, Gabe and I used a zip chord to get onto the train while it was still in motion; Steve and Bucky left to secure the front train cars while Gabe and I stayed on the roof as their back-up, and that’s…that’s when…”

Her boyfriend rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together as he looked over at her. “That was the mission that Sergeant Barnes didn’t survive, wasn’t it?” She nodded, her eyes still diligently trained on the dark blue material of her trousers, but she could feel his compassionate gaze on her as he continued. “Barnes died a hero to his country. The bastard turned against Schmidt to save his own skin, and Cap and the SSR were able to end Hydra and the war. That’s gotta bring you and the rest of the Howling Commandos some satisfaction, right?”

“It did…” (Y/N) admitted, but she tightly pursed her lips as she recalled the aftermath of the fateful mission to capture Zola alive. “Right up until his interrogation, that is.”

The tunnels below the London headquarters of the Strategic Scientific Reserve echoed with the sound of (Y/N)’s standard-issue heels making contact with the stone floor as she approached one of many interrogation cells; her fingers tightly clutched the classified file in her hands in an effort to contain her swirling emotions but judging by the apprehensive expressions on the stationed MP’s faces whenever she passed by, she was doing a poor job of masking her true feelings.

“As requested, a copy of my mission report to D.C.,” (Y/N) announced as she came to a stop before Colonel Phillips, and she arched a brow at the tray of food he was holding. “Hungry?”

“Zola surrendered and didn’t try to do himself in with cyanide, so I figured that the usual interrogation techniques might not work on this wack-job. He should count himself lucky; I’ve got over a dozen SSR agents chomping at the bit to finally get their hands on a live Hydra operative.”

Just as Colonel Phillips balanced the tray on one hand to reach for the file, (Y/N) tightened her grip on it and blurted out, “Colonel, I need to go in there with you.”

“Agent (Y/L/N), you and the rest of the 107th tactical team have my condolences for Sergeant Barnes’ death, but I can’t allow you any access to-”

“Respectfully, Colonel, you’re the commanding officer of the Strategic Scientific Reserve; you can directly authorize an agent access to as many high-security prisoners as you deem necessary, correct? I’m only requesting access to one.”

“You don’t get to tell me how to do my job, Agent.” The sharp tone in the older man’s voice conflicted with the uncharacteristic compassion emanating from his dark brown gaze. “I’ll authorize you access to the observation room, but that’s it.”

(Y/N)’s jaw clenched as she forced herself to remain composed, but there was nothing she could do to keep her voice from trembling with barely-restrained grief. “Colonel, the man on the other side of that door is the reason my friend and God knows how many Allied soldiers are dead. I…I need to do all I can to ensure that he gives us all the intel we need to take Hydra down. I need to help end this war once and for all.”

In contrast with the strained working relationships he shared with Peggy and Howard, Colonel Chester Phillips seemed to have a soft spot for (Y/N) since the moment she was loaned out to the SSR from the OSS; Peggy often speculated that it was because she reminded him of his granddaughter back home and although she’d never admit it aloud, (Y/N) considered him to be the father-figure she’d always longed for. They got along with one another but more importantly, they shared a mutual respect and it was that respect that seemingly compelled the older man into finally giving her a relenting nod. With a brief command from Colonel Phillips, the MP stationed nearby opened the door and after taking a deep breath, (Y/N) followed the colonel into the interrogation cell.

A dim light from an overhead fixture illuminated the sparsely decorated cell, and the Swiss doctor whirled around to face them both as they sat down at the interrogation table; a surge of pleasure rippled through (Y/N) when she observed his colorless face and the way his hands anxiously fiddled with the sleeves of his prisoner’s uniform, and she maintained eye-contact with him as she crossed one leg over the other and leaned back in her seat. Colonel Phillips set the tray of food down onto the table and spun it around before gesturing towards the unoccupied chair across from them. “Sit down.”

With obvious trepidation, Zola followed his order and sat, his brow arching as he looked down at the steak, potatoes, broccoli and glass of milk laid out before him. “What is this?”

“Steak.”

“What is in it?”

“Cow!” Colonel Phillips looked incredulously between (Y/N) and Zola. “Doctor, do you realize how difficult it is to get ahold of a prime cut like that out here?”

The Swiss doctor shrugged. “I don’t eat meat.”

“Why not?”

Taken aback by (Y/N)’s pointed question, Zola fidgeted in his seat and replied, “It disagrees with me.”

“How about cyanide? Does that give you the rumbly tummy, too?”

While Zola’s brow furrowed in confusion, Colonel Phillips spun the tray back around and used the utensils to begin cutting into the steak as (Y/N) continued. “Every Hydra agent that we’ve tried to take alive has crunched a little pill before we can stop him, but not you.”

The colonel hummed in agreement as he feasted on the tray of food, raising his fork in the air and glancing over at (Y/N) with a look of exaggerated curiosity on his wrinkled face. “Here’s my brilliant theory, Agent (Y/L/N): he wants to live.”

“You’re trying to intimidate me, Colonel.” Zola’s beady eyes flicked between them as a sheen of sweat slowly covered his balding head, obviously growing anxious under the strain of his imprisonment and their unconventional interrogation.

Colonel Phillips scoffed. “We bought you dinner. Why don’t we cut to the chase and show Doctor Zola here what’s in that file?”

While the colonel cut the steamed potatoes into quarters, (Y/N) withdrew a single piece of paper from the file and slid it across the table, her red-lacquered nails drumming on the tabletop as she watched the Swiss doctor read the typed mission report aloud. “‘…and in exchange for his full cooperation, Doctor Zola is being remanded to Switzerland…’”

“I sent that message to Washington this morning. Of course, it was encoded.” (Y/N) leaned forward, resting her elbows on the tabletop, and fixed Zola with an unwavering stare. “You guys haven’t broken those codes, have you? That would be awkward.”

Zola’s expression remained neutral, but the lines between his brows were visibly deeper and she could practically see the wheels turning inside his head while he carefully considered his predicament. “Schmidt will know this is a lie.”

“He’s going to kill you anyway, doc.” Colonel Phillips punctuated his blunt reply with a shrug. “You’re a liability. You know more about Schmidt than anyone and the last guy you cost us was Captain Rogers’ closest friend, so I wouldn’t count on the very best of protection.” The sound of Bucky’s scream as he fell from the train and into the deep chasm below played on a loop in (Y/N)’s mind, forcing her to dig her nails into the skin of her palms to keep from reacting, an action she was no stranger to as a woman serving in a secretive branch of the Allied armed forces but one that she hated having to perform in the wake of her friend’s death. “It’s you or Schmidt; it’s just the hand you’ve been dealt.”

The Swiss doctor, taking note of the colonel’s grim tone and the obvious tension in (Y/N)’s shoulders, huffed out a humorless chuckle before nodding once and stating, “Schmidt believes he walks in the footsteps of the gods. Only the world itself will satisfy him.”

“You do realize that’s nuts, don’t you?”

Shaking his head, Zola huffed out a humorless chuckle at the colonel’s comment. “The sanity of the plan is of no consequence.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because he can do it!”

(Y/N), losing patience with Zola and his feeble attempts at providing them with answers, snapped out, “What’s his target?”

When Zola’s beady eyes focused on hers, a shiver of foreboding traveled up (Y/N)’s spine and it took every ounce of willpower she possessed not to look away as he simply replied, “His target…is everywhere.”

“He told us everything we needed to know; the exact coordinates of Schmidt’s secret base in the Alps, a detailed run-down of Schmidt’s plan to bomb over half a dozen of the world’s largest cities, how much time we had before Hydra’s scheduled attack on New York…and within twenty-four hours, Schmidt was dead and Hydra was finally defeated.” (Y/N)’s fingers were wrapped tightly around her now-empty cup and she was leaning against Jack’s side, taking comfort in her boyfriend’s sturdy form as she spoke in the lowest tone she could and kept a wary eye on Peggy across the waiting room. “But there was something about his eyes, like he knew some big secret that the colonel and I could never understand, and I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something we missed.” Swallowing thickly, she finally looked over at Jack and met his empathetic gaze. “That’s crazy, right?”

Jack shook his head. “Definitely not. Listen, Specs, we might’ve both served on opposite ends of the world, but all the horrible shit we saw and lived through during the war? It hasn’t broken us. We’re still here, and our experiences matter because they’re what shaped us into the people we are today: people who dedicated their lives to making this screwed-up world a better place.” The corner of his lip curved into a small smile as he affectionately bumped the side of her head with his own. “You were the one who taught me that.”

Looking into his clear blue eyes, (Y/N) felt the stiffness in her shoulders begin to melt away and she couldn’t fight the smile that slowly made its way onto her face. “I’m a pretty good teacher, aren’t I?”

“Oh, hands-down, the smartest and most gorgeous teacher I’ve ever had.” Her boyfriend’s flirtatious wink forced (Y/N) to mask her giggle with a cough and flash several of the waiting room’s occupants an apologetic look while he quietly continued. “If you think that Zola’s up to no good, then I believe you. There’s no easy way to handle a situation as delicate as Operation Paperclip; all we can do is our best and in this case, the best that we can do is to keep a close eye on him and every other scumbag Nazi scientist that they’ve recruited. How’s that sound, Specs?”

She took a deep breath and gave him a firm nod. “Like a pretty solid game plan, Flyboy.”

Before either of them could say another word, the double doors leading into the hospital’s operating room swung open and Howard strode into the waiting room, a grin on his face as he made a bee-line over to where Peggy stood. “Michael’s been wheeled into a recovery room and all preliminary signs are pointin’ to a successful operation. Your brother’s gonna be just fine, Peg.”

The younger woman’s anxious expression was overtaken by a look of overwhelming relief and she didn’t hesitate to throw her arms around the inventor in a tight hug. The rest of the waiting room collectively released the grateful breath that they’d been holding for hours and while the SOE officers and SSR officials talked amongst themselves, Jack wrapped an arm around (Y/N)’s shoulders and pressed a chaste kiss onto her temple; she closed her eyes and as she took comfort in her boyfriend’s supportive touch, she spoke a silent word of thanks to the universe for Michael’s successful surgery and for sending her a supportive and understanding partner in the form of Jack Grant Thompson.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: They're gonna have their hands full keeping an eye on Zola and the other Hydra scientists 👀 Thank you all so much for reading and commenting! I've created a Spotify playlist inspired by this series, and I'll be updating it every time I upload a new one-shot! Enjoy!

Spotify Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0iKzLZlEK1rTaSIiW5zRlk?si=483950cfa991442a

“Tales From The SSR” Masterlist

“Specs and the Flyboy” Masterlist

Tagging: @nnon-it-up @hufflefluffy @remmyswritings @ourstarsailor @coffeeandcrimeshows @darkusangelus @josis-teacup @fannyspammy @yeetyeetchickenmeat @sameoldbaby @nincompoopydoo @seeing-but-not-observing @supervoldejaygent @momc95 @brooke0297 @kinda-c0nfused @outoftheregular @mads-weasley @mostclevermiss @crowleysqueenofhell @groovyqueer @xxruinaxxmcu

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authorred · 1 year

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To Love Another | Kaz Brekker x fem!Reader | Shadow and Bone

Masterlist

Preface: Kaz Brekker, from another’s perspective, seems to be this untouchable god; the Bastard of the Barrel. Which is half-true. He’s aversive to not only touch, but to the thought of being emotionally close, of being emotionally attached to someone. And yet he finds a small part of him craving it.

I’ve found a new obsession. Spencer Reid has my heart but Kaz Brekker (the show Kaz, not book Kaz) lives in my head rent free. Freddy Carter if you see this, just once chance <3

Part 2 Part 3

Warning(s): None

Tags: Soft pining

Being a Crow was no easy feat, nor for the faint of heart. In all honesty, you didn’t expect yourself to get roped into doing crimes with the Bastard of the Barrel himself. He sought you out for one reason only: your heartrending abilities.

You demonstrate exemplar heartrending abilities--far more than any other in Ravka. That’s why Kaz Brekker himself sought you out--prepared to make any payment necessary to get you to work for him.

That was six months ago. You had nothing else to do, no one to come home to, and you figured it’d be fun to run from the law. That’s how you and Jesper got along--he tended to, as you learned, be motivated by greed, and you found it very fun to watch him gamble (and lose half the time).

Inej, Kaz Brekker’s Wraith, was a little trickier to navigate. She wasn’t very social, nor was she there as much as Jesper; having to scout around on Kaz’s orders. Though you do get along with her, you remain civil, and are respectful to each other. You don’t have the combative training she does, but you don’t need to. You know enough to get by if your heartrending abilities aren’t enough.

And then there’s Kaz Brekker. The man who came to you himself to offer you a deal. He had a specific je ne sais quoi to him that wasn’t common in others. Perhaps that’s why you were open to negotiating with him. Other than the fact that he was back-breaking-ly attractive, but that was a mere passing thought at first.

And now here you are, a loyal Crow, and the Crow Club’s version of a bouncer. Any patron who acted less-than civilly or within Club’s rules were out. You handled the more violent ones.

You can’t say for sure whether you’ve grown closer to Kaz or not. He keeps you, as everyone else, at arm's length. At a distance. Safe from his emotional turmoil. You respect that, of course. You don’t push and you don’t force. You two are, in a way, using each other. He uses your abilities to get closer to ending Pekka and you use him as a means of shelter, food, and entertainment. Even trade, in your opinion.

And yet, despite believing that’s all there is to your relationship, you find him doing strange things. Strange for him, at least. He’ll stare at you for slightly longer than at others; his heart rate picks up when you address him, even when his facial expression and body language is as per; often times he’ll give you the safest position in a plan or a heist, and he’d often ask if you’re alright (or alive) without wondering about the others.

At first you were annoyed. You were under the assumption he thought you were incompetent; unable to protect yourself adequately and efficiently. Of course, you were very quick to throw that in his face (as a question, of course) and he just gave a half-assed response before moving on.

You never told Jesper or Inej--sure as hell not Inej--about your observations. You never tell them about how Kaz stands outside of your bedroom when you fix a wound you’ve sustained--and he’ll just listen in with a steady heartbeat. You find it weird. He doesn’t do that with anyone else. And he acts normally to you--nothing outright special. You’re confused and you don’t want to jump to conclusions.

The heart never lies. Kaz can’t control his heart or its functions. That’s why when you hear it pick up when you’re alone with him, you look at his face. His body. You pay attention to whatever he has to say, of course, but you can focus on more than one thing at a time.

You focus so much on Kaz’s racing heart that you don’t focus on yours.

You don’t realize your gaze lingers on him before you separate.

You don’t realize you gravitate towards him, stopped by his aversion to touch.

You don’t realize you subconsciously check over him to make sure he’s not hurt or hiding an injury after a botched mission.

Inej and Jesper notice. They notice both of you--they know Kaz better than anyone, and you’re not discreet, exactly. Your saving grace is Kaz is dense. And you’re dense. It’s like a match made in heaven.

Ah, yes. To love another is no easy feat.

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auroravictorium · 1 year

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unraveling (k.b.)

"My head is clearly muddied, and I'm so sick of coming undone." - Aeroplane Bathroom by Gordi

Summary: when a plague claims reader's sister's life, the news is delivered in the form of a letter; when she distances herself from everyone and hides the news, kaz fears that something serious is going on until she confesses what happened. Pairing(s): kaz x fem!reader (established relationship - they've been together for a while, so kaz feels comfortable being somewhat close to her) Word Count: ~2.6k Warnings: loss of a sister, heavy mentions of grief, mentions of a plague, brief violence (reader strangles someone) Genre: hurt/comfort Request? Yes (@morrigan-crowmwell)

Author's Note: i'm baaaaaaack and FINALLY on break!! i hope you all enjoy this (not so) little hurt/comfort work - i promise i'm following up with a fluffy one soon :))

It started with a letter a low-level Dreg delivered while the Crows gathered to plan a job.

He passed it to you with a murmur in your ear, and with furrowed brows, you flipped it over to see the return address. It was scrawled in the corner, a few letters missing or blurred together in the author's haste to send the missive, whatever it was. Kaz knew from the surprised look on your face that you recognized the address, but the expression disappeared before the rest of the Crows could notice or Kaz could evaluate it further.

"I'll be right back," you said quietly, rising from your seat next to Kaz and disappearing into the relative privacy of his room. Had you known its contents, you would have gone to your room a floor down and opened it privately.

When you returned, you seemed unaffected to everyone but Kaz. He noticed the troubled purse of your lips, the way you fought to keep a neutral mask in place. You avoided his gaze as you sat back down, and you hardly contributed to the rest of the meeting, your eyes on the now-crumpled envelope in your hand.

In the two weeks since the letter arrived, you had withdrawn. You didn't visit Kaz in his office, you didn't take shots with Jesper at the Club, and you weren't seen outside your room unless necessary.

When the day for the next job came, you were uncharacteristically sloppy. What should have been an easy in-and-out theft of bank information on a close potential associate of the Dime Lions was nearly botched; knocking the guards unconscious took you longer than it should have, and you almost missed the correct papers in the target's desk. When you found them, the guards were beginning to stir again, and the Stadtwatch were en route.

"What happened today?" Kaz hissed, shutting his bedroom door behind him with a firm click. He leaned his cane against the wall and shed his coat and hat, hanging them on a hook haphazardly nailed into the wall.

You didn't respond, dropping the rolls of parchment onto the crooked table in the corner. The letters of your parents' note to you swam in your vision, and you could still feel the guards' pulses slowing beneath your fingertips as you choked them into unconsciousness. Your eyes burned, and you refused to face Kaz, instead crossing to his window and sitting on the bench beneath it. You wanted to be anywhere else.

If you didn't look at him, you wouldn't have to see or bear his disappointment and anger. And if you didn't see it, you could indulge in the numbness that was easier to feel than grief. It settled over you like a coat soaked by rain: heavy, but at least it protected you from the worst of the weather.

The consequences of your indifference would rip your temporary armor from you and push you into a cold, harsh reality. Your sister was gone, a life taken by a plague brought by an unwelcome merchant to your small town. It was a truth you weren't willing to face yet. So numbness it was, even as Kaz and the letter burning in your pocket urged you to confront your grief.

"Y/N," Kaz said, watching as you seemed to go somewhere else right in front of him. What happened? What did that letter contain? His anger about the job dissipated, and worry rose in its place as you refused to even look at him.

He dragged a chair away from the crooked table and settled beside you, stretching out his right leg to ease the ache. You didn't acknowledge him moving closer, your eyes locked on the crows pecking outside Kaz's window.

Some said crows were messengers from beyond, intermediaries between the lost and the living. You scoffed at the notion once, the same way you brushed off the idea of Saints looking over you.

That was before you lost someone. Now, a tiny part of you hoped it was true so you could say goodbye to something. Even a damned bird.

Kaz brushed your knuckles with his gloved hand to get your attention. His eyes scanned your face, so carefully arranged in a facade of neutrality. But there were cracks in it; the wobbling of your bottom lip, how your eyes seemed to shimmer as tears brimmed in them.

Sick and selfish as it was, Kaz wondered if that letter had something to do with him. Was it a warning for her to get away? Was it a threat to her life? Was it a detailed list of every awful, heartless thing Kaz had ever done, making her fear him and regret joining the Dregs?

"What's going on?" Kaz said quietly. His earlier anger was gone, replaced by a worry that ripped away the cloak of numbness you'd shrouded yourself in. Just as you suspected would happen.

His concern left you unshielded and exposed to the tempest of grief you'd tried so desperately to ignore, to push away until it left you alone. Now, your numbness was darkening, like storm clouds rolling over the harbor and promising havoc on the city. It twisted and roiled until it was no longer numbness but the all-consuming feeling of loss.

You wished you could hide from Kaz just so he couldn't see the tears beginning to slide down your cheeks. They were hot and salty and dripped down your neck, and you wiped them away as if you could conceal them. "Don't," you said hoarsely. "Don't ask me that." Maybe he would leave it be, and you could hide again for a while longer.

But it was Kaz. He watched you unravel before him and knew he couldn't leave it be. He wouldn't.

"What did the letter say?" he pressed. Usually, he didn't push you to share your secrets. Saints knew he had his own that he refused to reveal. But he couldn't watch you fracture before him and not know what was happening, especially if he could do something to fix it.

You knew Kaz wouldn't relent until you answered. Numbly, you took the letter from your pocket and held it out, still looking out the window at the crows. They were hopping around one another, picking at the remnants of seeds Kaz had thrown out for them the day prior.

Kaz took the letter from your fingers and looked down at it, taking in the tear stains blurring the scribbles across the page. Still, the short message was decipherable, and Kaz suddenly understood. As he read those words, he was nine years old again, grieving the loss of his brother and watching birds pick up scraps of food and trash from the streets. Kaz knew precisely what you were feeling, down to the weight on your chest that threatened to crush your lungs.

"I'm sorry," Kaz said quietly. He took your hand and brushed his thumb over the back of your knuckles. This was one of the times when Kaz wished to be close to you. He longed to hug and hold you until sleep came, so you could get a short respite from the grief and know you weren't alone. "I'm so sorry, Bluebird."

His words broke your composure completely. The tender nickname ripped a sob from your throat, and you covered your mouth with your free hand to muffle the sound. You hunched over and hid your face in your knees, losing sight of Kaz and the birds and the world around you as the currents swept you away. You broke your hand free from his, curling in on yourself as you finally let yourself cry before him.

Hesitantly, Kaz moved from his chair to the open side of the bench. He swallowed, forcing away the nagging terror that rose as he gently pulled you into him. Kaz wrapped his arms around your shoulders and held you against his chest, letting you hear his racing heartbeat. It wasn't the smoothest or most confident hug, and he fought hard to battle the discomfort of having you pressed against him like this. But he was trying. If it eased your pain for even a moment, he'd bear the cold harbor lapping at his flesh and the memories of floating bodies tugging at his mind.

It meant more to you than you could tell him, and you couldn't bring yourself to question whether he was sure about this. Instead, you threw your arms around his torso and buried your face in his chest. He was warm and here and alive, and he was everything you needed right then as the dam exploded and any semblance of being okay disappeared. You sobbed into his vest as the truth came crashing down on you, crushing your lungs and making your head throb from the pain of trying to process it.

You weren't sure how long you cried. Somewhere between those initial moments of Kaz's arms around you and when you could finally catch your breath, the sun disappeared, and the stars emerged from behind the clouds. Turning your head to rest your ear against Kaz's heart, you blearily looked out the dirty window; above the clocktower in the distance was the brightest star in the sky. In your exhausted mind, you imagined it was your sister. That brought you more comfort than the legend about crows. She would've hated being a bird.

Somehow, in the warmth of Kaz's arms and with those words in your mind, you drifted into an uneasy sleep. Everywhere your dreams turned, there were crows. Sometimes your sister's laughter replaced their squawking. They dropped bright tulips on a fresh grave before flying away, their wings beating against the cloudy sky.

Kaz thought you had to be uncomfortable with the windowsill pressing into your back and your legs curled up at a strange angle. He carefully shifted, sliding one of his arms under your knees and the other around your shoulders. Then, Kaz stood and carried you over to his tiny bed. You stirred as he set you down and tucked his threadbare blanket around you. He held his breath, hoping you wouldn't wake, and he slowly let it out once you lapsed into stillness once more.

He stayed nearby as you slept, settling on the bench and looking over the city. When his eyes started drooping, he shook himself awake. When that didn't work, he grabbed a book and forced himself to read about Kerch's history.

As the night reached its darkest point and the East Stave reached its most raucous, you stirred into consciousness again. Your eyes were swollen from crying, and your head pounded. Yet the smell of Kaz, all smoke and rum and something rich, enveloped you and soothed you enough that you weren't severely bothered by your physical discomfort.

You slowly sat up and scooted back against the wall, trying to shake off some of the heaviness lingering over you. Kaz lifted his head from where it was bent over the book in his hands and straightened up when he saw you were awake.

"Hi," he said softly. He closed his book and swung his legs off the bench. "How did you sleep?"

"Poorly." You crossed your legs and looked everywhere but at his face. This was what you'd hoped to avoid. This tense air between the two of you, the result of your inability to keep your shit together until you got to the privacy of your own room. You felt weak, unworthy of being a Crow. You wished the numbness would overtake you again.

Guilt joined the lineup of emotions, and you looked down at your hands. You were lucky they weren't stained with your friends' blood.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Though Kaz's tone wasn't accusatory, you flinched away from it.

"I didn't want to burden you." You thought you'd be able to grieve in private without worrying the Crows or disrupting a job. Clearly, that wasn't the case; everything reminded you of your sister.

"You're not a burden to me," he said firmly. He understood your words and reasoning all too well, and he hated that he did. But you weren't a burden on him, the same way you never treated him or his failures in your relationship as such. To you, his struggle to touch you wasn't a failure. To him, your grief wasn't a burden.

Kaz wished you would treat yourself with the same kindness you gave to him.

You kept your gaze fixed on your hands, even as his words caused your cheeks to flush. It took all your self-control to keep tears from brimming in your eyes; you couldn't tell whether they were from sadness or how he said the words as if they weren't up for debate. Like he didn't question the truth in them.

"When I was young, I lost my brother," Kaz admitted. His voice was quiet and suddenly seemed very far away. Your head lifted, and you looked at him in surprise. Kaz didn't notice, and his eyes focused on the Dekappel portrait across the room.

"He died of the Queen's Lady Plague. I got it soon after." He shuddered. He could still remember the feeling of the fever as it immobilized him, weakened him until he couldn't swim and had to use Jordie to get to shore. "There was nothing I could do, and I was alone in the city after that." His gaze finally turned to yours. "But you aren't alone. You have people who understand." I understand. "And you aren't a burden on me, so talk to me. The Crows, the Club, the Dime Lions, they can wait."

Kaz hoped that you understood the words he wanted to say. You're more important than all of them.

Your bottom lip wobbled, and you slid out of his bed and crossed over to him. You sat beside him and took his hand, though you longed to throw your arms around him again. That was a level of physical contact he needed to initiate.

"Thank you," you whispered. Your eyes shimmered in the moonlight with more tears, and you wiped them away before resting your head on his shoulder to hide your face. You clasped his hand in both of yours and felt him lace his fingers with yours to comfort you. "I want to throw a tulip in the harbor for her tomorrow." Your voice cracked, and you swallowed before continuing. "It was her favorite flower."

"As soon as the sun rises," Kaz promised. He wished he had a gesture to offer for his brother, but Kaz Brekker wasn't known for sentimentality. It wasn't his style.

You lifted your head and wiped away a traitorous tear with the palm of your hand. "We'll bring a flower for your brother, too," you said quietly, watching Kaz's face. Was it too much to suggest? It felt wrong to not offer after he opened up to you.

Kaz's throat tightened, and he turned to look down at you. "That sounds nice." His eyes softened at the earnestness on your face, and he gently squeezed your hand to thank you.

Your shoulders loosened in relief, and you rested your head on his shoulder again, turning your eyes toward the Dekappel on the wall and watching as the moon's rays darkened the rich oil paint. The room was silent, but there was no need to fill it. Instead, you let yourself think of your sister and her tulips.

You'd start to knit yourself back together come morning.

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