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hottpinkpenguin · 1 year

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Kaz brekker with the Nightmares end eventually prompt? Male/gender neutral reader if possible and romantic! If you do it then thank you!

A/n: I always love my first fic for a new character, so thank you anon for putting Kaz Brekker on my list!! this is a tad cheesier than my normal fare but i think our brooding boy Kaz needs a little romance in his life, so here it is. Hope you love it<3

Nightmares Kaz Brekker X GN!Reader WC: 2,031 Content Warnings for: depictions of violence, dead bodies, gore; probably some non-canon details

Kaz’s legs grew heavy and stopped kicking, his back end sinking into the cold waters of Ketterdam’s harbor. Behind him, the rank stench of rotting corpses from the Reaper’s Barge hung like a cloud in the air. The lights of Ketterdam bobbed on the horizon ahead like a beacon, but it seemed with each moment Kaz was drifting further away from the shore. His fingers fumbling to grab hold of his dead brother’s jacket for flotation. He gulped at the night air in the rare moments where his head broke the surface of the waves. The salt water stung the open sores on his face and hands, his body weak from sickness and hunger. The only thought in his mind: swim.

Trying to stifle a wave of nausea, Kaz grabbed ahold of Jordie’s bobbing corpse and hauled himself as far upward above the waves as he could manage. Kaz let out a strangled sob as his brother’s dead-pale face sank an inch below the water, his lifeless eyes gaping up at the starless sky above.

“Jordie.”

Kaz choked on his brother’s name, grief and horror twining together in his chest like strangling vines. He tried to push away thoughts of giving up, of letting go of Jordie’s corpse and allowing the sea to take him.

But something deep within him burned hotter than the firepox that riddled his body. A drive to live, to fight, to survive. Kaz had always had it - he got it from Jordie, he knew. Jordie had taught him how to fight back when the world threatened to crush you. Kaz heard his older brother’s voice echo in his mind: swim, Kaz.

His vision swam with white dots, but he forced himself to kick his legs, though they felt heavy like anchors.

Swim, Kaz. Swim. The feel of his brother’s unnaturally stiff, cold skin beneath the thin, water-logged linen shirt seared itself into Kaz’s memory.

Swim. Kick. Breath. Swim. Kick. Breath.

The lights of Ketterdam drew closer.

Kick. Kick. Swim.

The faint sounds of the docks tickled his ears. Kaz’s lungs were burning, the firepox that had weakened him and taken his brother’s life making one last, desperate attempt at his strength.

Breath. Kick. Breath. Kick.

Kaz felt his leg bounce off the ragged surface of a rock. The sounds of waves lapping on a rocky coast announced his arrival at the shores of Ketterdam.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

As soon as Kaz felt the pebbles scrape his stomach, he threw himself off his brother’s dead body and emptied his stomach in the sea foam. His head spun with exhaustion, fever, and terror. Next to him, he felt his brother’s body bob against him in the waves. Kaz scrambled away from the feeling, the terror reaching a fever pitch in his mind as he began to understand what he’d done.

He turned to look back at Jordie, now face-down in the ankle deep waters along Ketterdam’s warehouse district seawall. Jordie’s stiff body was so pale it seemed to shimmer with an unnatural, sickly glow. Kaz shivered violently as panic ripped through every inch of him. Mustering all his strength, he tipped his chin towards the sky and shrieked. He screamed for everything in his life he’d once thought would keep him safe: for Jordie, for his parents, for the world he thought he knew. The shriek felt like it would tear him in half, and Kaz let himself empty the pain he felt inside into the raw dark night. When the scream finally died on his lips with a strangled sob, what was left of the boy that had been Kaz Rietveld knew he would never be the same again…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Kaz felt himself rear up out of bed, his heart racing and that shriek from so many years before fading like an echo in his ears. He was panting, his body soaked with sweat. He swiped back the stray strands of hair plastered to his flushed forehead with a gloved hand.

“Kaz?”

A familiar voice drifted through the barely open door to his private quarters above the Crow Club. Kaz felt the knot of panic in his chest loosen slightly at the sound.

“Kaz, are you alright?”

Ever respectful, you didn’t barge through the door to check on him, although Kaz could hear the tense itch of concern in your voice. Kaz let his eyes close as he tried to clamp down the lid on his memories.

“I’m fine,” he called back, although his voice wavered pathetically. There was a split second of quiet before you replied.

“Nightmares, boss?”

The question was so quiet Kaz almost didn’t hear you. He let out a shaky exhale through lips that quivered ever so slightly. A gentle tap on the door: a question.

“Come in, y/n.”

Kaz wasn’t used to letting people into his quarters. Even Inej and Jesper, his closest friends - if Kaz Brekker could be said to have such relationships - were rare guests. Kaz didn’t like that he let you in, but you felt like a tonic. It wasn’t a coincidence that Kaz had asked you to take night watches for him. Your presence seemed to ease a pain Kaz had felt for so long he’d forgotten he had it. And on nights like this one - nights where Kaz’s dreams swallowed him whole and spat him back out - he needed you close. He’d never admit it aloud, although he didn’t need to. There was an understanding between you two, a tacit agreement. You’d stay close to him, he’d look after you.

You opened the door and slipped in, a momentary brightening from the hallway lights followed by the return of darkness to Kaz’s quarters.

“They were bad tonight.” Not a question, but an observation. Kaz looked over in your direction as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He could barely make out your silhouette, although he could see the moonlight from his open window dancing in your large, thoughtful eyes. Damn those eyes, Kaz cursed to himself silently. They would be his undoing.

“Yes.”

Kaz never talked much about his dreams, even to you. He was grateful that you were content with what little information he did give. He had a feeling that you recognized just how difficult it was for him to tolerate the miniscule amounts of vulnerability he allowed you to see.

From the doorway, you nodded. You didn’t move to come closer to Kaz, and he didn’t motion for you to. You were close enough for Kaz to hear your even, steady breathing. He focused on that sound and tried to slow his own inhales and exhales to match. Even though it violated every instinct he had, Kaz let his eyelids flutter close. You hung back next to the door. The sounds of the sleeping city outside filled the quiet. Minutes passed, and Kaz let his mind loosen its grip on the fear that his nightmare had awoken.

When he opened his eyes, he found you exactly where he’d left you. Leaned against the wall, your kind eyes still trained on him. Kaz scooted up to lean back against the headboard, his bare chest now rising and falling in time with your own breathing.

“You have nightmares too, if I remember?”

Kaz caught the flicker of surprise in your gaze. Kaz usually never talked on nights like this, not unless you asked him something. Not only was he speaking, he was asking about you. Surprise gave way to a tender smirk, and you nodded.

“I did. Still do, but they’re less now.” Flickers of moments from your past that plagued your dreams danced in your head. A field of charred bodies… your sister in her favorite day dress lying face down in the blood-soaked mud next to the smoking remnants of your house… the way the smoke from your burned-out village blotted out of the sun…

You shook the images away like gnats, bringing yourself back to the moment, back to Kaz.

He was watching you intently. His dark hair was deliciously disheveled, and you could see the smooth planes of his stomach peeking out above the bedsheets.

“How did you do it?” he asked quietly. You forced yourself away from his body and tried to focus on his words, realizing you’d lost track of the conversation. You cocked an eyebrow at him, unsure of his meaning.

“How did you cope with them, I mean,” Kaz clarified. “How did you get them to go away?” A gentle night breeze fluttered the gauzy curtains by the window next to his bedside.

You turned Kaz’s question over in your head, wondering where to start.

“They never really went away,” you confessed, chewing on your lip. You’d resigned yourself long ago that you’d live the rest of your life with memories of the day your family was taken from you carved into your soul. It wasn’t something you would escape or ever come to terms with. It simply was.

You tried to say as much, but the words that dangled on the edge of your tongue felt all wrong. Your mouth opened and closed with a heavy sigh.

Kaz’s lips quirked up at the sound. He turned to look out into Ketterdam’s streets, the moonlight casting his handsome face in a gentle glow.

“That’s not a fair question,” he mused with a hint of embarrassment. “I’m sorry to bother you, y/n. I’m fine. You can go back to your post.”

You felt a twinge of disappointment at Kaz’s words, although they were less of a dismissal and more of a question. You turned to leave, but hesitated as your hand touched the doorknob.

When you turned back to him, he was staring at you with something that looked like hope in his eyes. It made your heart leap in your chest.

“One thing I learned about nightmares, boss. Even nightmares end eventually.”

Kaz considered your words thoughtfully. You held his gaze as you kept talking.

“The things that gave us our nightmares ended, too. It doesn’t mean we forget them, it doesn’t mean we move on. But it does mean that we aren’t prisoners forever. The dreams, the memories… they’re with us, but they don’t control us. They teach us things, but they don’t command us.”

Kaz drank in your every word, watching the way your expression glazed over as whatever memories haunted you swam just beneath the surface of your eyes. He knew that look: he’d seen it in himself many times before. The way you wore it though was different. He marveled at the realization that he’d never really seen you before. He’d felt you, felt the calming effect that your presence had on him. But now he could see why: you understood him. As much as anyone could. Kaz had always liked to think that others only knew him as much as he let them know him. You were proof that that wasn’t true. It both frightened him and delighted him.

“Sorry… that didn’t make much sense.” You let your eyes drop to the ground, suddenly embarrassed by your outburst. You turned to the door, eager to make your escape from the awkward moment.

“It makes perfect sense, actually,” he interjected quickly. You hesitated, halfway out the door into the dimly lit hallway. With the aid of the lamps from the hall, Kaz could see you more clearly. He thought he detected a faint flush on your cheeks, and he had to bite down a smirk at the sight. He was glad the light didn’t reach him, because you’d see a similar heat on his face. He’d taken a big step with you tonight, but he wasn’t ready to show you how he felt. Not yet.

“Thank you, y/n,” he called after you.

You turned halfway back to him, not meeting his eyes. From your profile, Kaz could see the faint hints of a smile.

“You’re welcome, Kaz.”

You left him alone with a quiet click of his door. Kaz hated how much he loved the way his name sounded in your voice.

This time when Kaz fell asleep, it wasn’t his past that swirled in his dreams, but hopes for the future.

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hottpinkpenguin · 1 year

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Hello dear, I hope you're still taking request otherwise just ignore this..

Could you write a one-shot with kaz brekker and a gender neutral reader he calls "My love"?

Kinda around the plot that the reader is ace but still wished for a deeply sensual connection (with a high drive) though actual sex isn't there thing and just like kaz's aversion to skin to skin touch it is trauma related. So both of them want some kind of physical connection but for neither of them it's easy and they try working on it together.

Something around the prompt "You're in love with a fool who's just trying to get under your skin."? Something going from slight angstyness to fluff so smut.

Hope you have a wonderful day, ❤

A/N: anon thank you for this prompt! I've never written an ace reader before so i really really hope i did it justice. pls let me know what you think! kaz's sexuality is so enticing, i love writing for him.

18+ ONLY!!!! MINORS DNI

Kaz Brekker X Ace GN!Reader Word Count: 2452 Warnings: masturbation; hints at past trauma; not proofread

Kaz’s ungloved hand hovered over your shoulder. You watched tension and fear flash in his eyes. He grimaced, trying to let his hand fall onto your skin. But the barrier of his past - the pain he could never speak of - kept him. It felt as real as if you were wearing armor, an obstacle between you two that he couldn’t push through.

“It’s alright, Kaz,” you murmured, backing away a half step. “I don’t want this to hurt you.”

His chestnut brown eyes searched your face. “But you do want this,” he stammered out, his voice threatening to break. “And I can’t give it to you.”

Your face softened, lips curling into a half-smile. “What you give me is enough,” you replied, reaching out your hand into the space between you two. He looked at it before stepping into your touch, pressing the smooth silk of his shirt and the lean, strong muscles under it into your hand. You wanted badly to squeeze, run your hands up and down his arm, his body, to rake your hands through his hair and memorize every square inch of him that you could touch. But you let your hand rest there, allowing Kaz to take the lead. You watched as the tug-of-war between desire for you and the terror his traumas had planted stretched taut in his expression.

“It’s not, though,” Kaz insisted quietly, intensely. “You want more. You deserve more. More than I can give.”

You shook your head, allowing your hand to grip his forearm through his shirt arm to underscore your point. “That’s not true, Kaz.”

His eyes simmered at you, ready to call your bluff. “The exact things we can give to each other are the very things neither of us can accept. You’re in love with a fool who just wants to get under your skin.”

You sighed, seeing the stalemate the two of you had argued over for weeks looming on the horizon. How many times had you had this conversation? You both wanted more, you both wanted more together. You wanted to worship Kaz, his body, the angles and dips and grooves of the man you’d found your soul completely bound to. But he couldn’t give you that access, could barely handle your touch through the shield of his fine clothing. And each time he failed to let you in, he rejected himself a bit more.

And he wanted to take you, ravage you, claim you as his in a primal, feral way. Bend you over the table in his study and drive himself deep into you until he was buried in your soul. But the flame that burned in him for that kind of union just didn’t find kindling in your heart. You had desires - relentless drives - but they weren’t his.

You supposed, in many ways, the two of you were a blessing to each other. You understood him, and he you. Even if your edges didn’t always fit together like a puzzle, you could feel the echo of your own emotions in his words. Both of you had been hurt by others, by the world, and had left you each different for it. Kaz would argue it scarred you both; you saw it differently, although you didn’t argue his view. You knew that you weren’t damaged, and neither was he. You were each simply transformed by the marks of your pasts. And adjusting to those transformations was proving trying.

You watched as Kaz watched you. He was waiting for you to take the bait, to argue with him. To pull him closer so he could push you away. Back and forth, the endless carousel. But you’d promised yourself that tonight would be different. And whether he knew it or not, you’d promised Kaz too. You both owed it to yourselves.

“I have an idea,” you said, sidestepping Kaz’s earlier comment. His expression was wary and guarded, but piqued with curiosity.

“Sounds dangerous,” he quipped. You chuckled, making Kaz’s eyes dance. He loved making you laugh.

“We both want to try this, don’t we?” Your question was rhetorical, but Kaz nodded emphatically nonetheless. “Then let’s try something.”

You truly didn’t have an idea - not one you could put to words, at least - but there was a feeling tugging on you. You decided to trust it.

Kaz’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly. His instincts told him not to trust anyone, especially the people he was closest to. An impossible deadlock. You stepped as close to him as you could without touching any of your skin to his. Your body barely brushed against his, a few loose strands of his dark hair tickling your forehead. You noticed the way his breath hitched at your closeness, his lips parting gently. Come on, Kaz, you urged him with your eyes. If you want to take me, you have to trust me first.

He hesitated only momentarily before he nodded once, the motion so subtle you might have missed it if you weren’t soaking in his every fleeting movement.

“Lead me, my love.” Your heart fluttered like confetti in a strong wind at the pet name he’d taken to calling you. You swallowed, trying to stay focused. You saw Kaz smirk softly. He was teasing you, you realized with a hint of amazement.

“Do you trust me?” you asked breathlessly. A dangerous question for Kaz Brekker, and one that you never would have dared even hint at a few months prior. But things had shifted between the two of you. This was the root of it all: trust. You needed his answer.

He must have felt the importance of the question too. The mischievous smirk melted from his lips, leaving him looking somber and on the edge of terrified.

“That’s an impo-”

“Kaz Brekker, do you trust me?” You interrupted him, repeating your question.

The air between the two of you went motionless. You looked up into his eyes, his breath fanning over your face. Waiting.

“I trust you,” he said after a few tense breaths. “As much as I can.”

You relaxed, not realizing you’d been holding your breath.

“Then give me one of your hands.”

Kaz went to back away, his eyes so wide you could see whites all the way around his irises. You knew that his hands were his trigger point, but you’d prepared for this.

“Not that way,” you added quickly. The hand still resting on his arm squeezed harder, his muscles rippling underneath. “Let your hand be my hand, for a while.”

The fear ebbed slightly in his face, replaced by skepticism. “What do you mean?”

You stepped back, putting space between the two of you. Kaz would need safety for this part, and you wanted him as comfortable as you could get him.

“I’m going to show you how I want to touch you,” you told him, your voice turning gravelly as your mind began to rumble with want. “And you’re going to follow with your hand.”

Kaz’s breath was turning a bit heavier, his body betraying his excitement.

“I promise I won’t touch you, unless you ask,” you offered, giving him permission to feel safe. He nodded, trying to turn off the part of him that was every inch the Bastard of the Barrell.

“Where do we start?” he asked, his voice small with uncertainty.

“You start by taking off your gloves,” you commanded. “Finger by finger, nice and slow so I can watch.” Kaz raised an eyebrow at you in question.

“Both hands?”

You nodded.

“The left one is mine,” you explained, pointing to the arm you’d been touching earlier. “And the right one is yours. Start with your left.”

Kaz tamped down his hesitancy and obeyed your command, his right hand - his hand - slowly pulling off the black leather glove from his left hand, the one you’d claimed as your proxy. You watched, the soft sound of the leather gliding over his skin caressing your ears. His skin came into view - smooth, unblemished. His whole hand exposed to the open air, he let the glove fall to the floor.

“Good,” you told him, your voice crackling with effortless focus. “Now, watch carefully.”

Using your right hand to act as a mirror image to Kaz, you brought your fingertips to your face, letting them rest gently on your lips, imagining they were Kaz’s. He watched you with a predatory glint in his eyes as he mimicked your motion. He shivered slightly as his own fingers fell on his lips, but kept his eyes trained on you.

“What next, my love?” he asked, half-teasing half-challenging.

“Tsktsk,” you chided playfully, matching his tone. “Don’t rush the teacher.”

You leaned back against the edge of his desk. He copied your motion, his back bracing against the wall, no more than two feet between you.

You focused on him, throwing your mind outward to try and sink into the hand he had resting on his face, awaiting your next move. With your hand, you dragged your fingertips down over the swell of your lips, hitting your chin, and then back across your jawline, adding pressure. Only a half-moment behind you, Kaz’s hand did the same across his face. You were beginning to feel the intimacy of the moment boiling your mind clear of thoughts. You loved it, your psyche screaming for more.

That’s when you noticed Kaz’s other hand - the one you’d let him maintain control of - twitching restlessly at his side. You jerked your chin at it.

“What do you want to do?” you asked him, your right hand slowly pressing its way down the side of your neck. You could practically feel Kaz’s skin under your fingertips as you watched his left hand obey your visual commands.

“This is still mine, isn’t it?” he shot back at you, his right hand - still gloved - waving towards you. You nodded, your teaching hand shooting backwards to tangle in your hair. Kaz followed suit, and your toes curled as you heard him sigh slightly. His hair, Saints you wanted to absolutely lose yourselves in that hair.

“Then, my love, let me show you what you make me want to do.”

Kaz’s right hand dove down the waistband of his pants, his movement rough and raw. You knew what he was doing - the bulge in his crotch betraying him long ago. His right hand gripped his cock, his arm slowly beginning to pump. You forgot for a moment about his other hand, your mind soaking in the sight of him so vulnerable in front of you. You and Kaz had been intimate before, but this was a different level. You felt yourself turning inside out with a bone-deep ache. Not the fire that you knew burned in his gut, but a different kind of yearning. The electricity in the air practically crackled as the two of you had the freedom to step into your own dreams.

“Don’t lose focus.” Kaz’s eyes snapped to yours, the sound of your voice pulling both of you back from your trances. Your right hand was limp on the side of your face, where Kaz’s left hand was. You started fingers up and down your chest, over the lines of your collarbone. Kaz followed suit, his mimicry of your movements artful in its precision. Meanwhile, his other hand pleasured himself. You, for your part, let your mind feast on the delicious bond brewing between you two.

The edges of your mind were beginning to turn to jelly as you watched his control waver, his strokes turning longer, more forceful.

Kaz let his head fall back against the wall, his eyelids heavy. His glassy eyes had focused in on your hand, careful not to let any small motion you made escape him. You felt mesmerized by the very real sensation that you were touching him, the small moans and micro-movements he made all a response to your presence, your closeness. You’d never felt closer, more alive and connected with him, and it was driving you absolutely wild.

“I love you, Kaz Brekker.” The words fell out of your mouth before you could stop them. You hesitated, terrified of what you’d just done. The l word wasn’t something either of you had said to one another, although for some irrational reason each of you knew that that’s what this was. You’d both said as much. But something about saying it, naming it, especially now, felt different.

Kaz amazed you. He didn’t falter, didn’t break eye contact for a moment. You saw just how much control he’d given over to you, how much trust he’d put on the line.

“Foolish of you,” he muttered, his voice raspy and rising in pitch. You saw his face begin to grimace, the muscles in his abs tightening and his legs starting to spasm. “But I guess I’m foolish too. I love you, y/n.”

Your mind tangled around his words, a bright, beaming smile breaking on your lips. The sight sent Kaz over the edge, his face contorting in a pleasure that didn’t speak to you but never breaking eye contact. The closeness you felt to him in that moment was exquisite, beyond anything you’d ever imagined you’d be capable of. It radiated through every piece of you, a suffuse warm light that burned away the shadows of past hurts for a few perfect breaths.

As you both came down gently, you marveled at the feeling of contentment seeping into your heart.

“I’ve never seen you smile like that,” Kaz commented, an edge of exhaustion in his voice.

You blushed slightly, dropping your eyes to the dark wood floor between you two.

“Let me see your smile again.” Kaz stepped towards you with a confidence you were only used to seeing in him when you two were on missions. Purpose was in his eyes. Then you felt it: a featherlight touch, his ungloved fingers landing like a butterfly on your chin as he lifted your head upward until your face was square with his. He was so close you could count each eyelash.

The smile from a few moments earlier came back easily. You let it shine out at him, eager to give him anything he’d ask of you.

“That’s worth the world,” he commented, letting his hand fall away from your face. The touch had been fleeting, but both of you understood the weight it carried.

You basked in your own gleefulness for another moment. A familiar glint of playfulness with that dark and dangerous edge that drew you to Kaz appeared in his brown eyes.

“Next time you have an idea, count me in,” he told you with a wink.

You resolved to hold him to that promise…

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