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#six of crows aesthetic
applecidersstuff · 5 months
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When Inej is away, Kaz visits the Van Eck mansion almost daily. He's bored and lonely, but wouldn't admit it to anyone. And at some point, he finds Alys there.
Wylan thought it might be good for his mother to talk to someone, and Alys is the only person for that - that comes to his mind. He would've asked Inej or Nina, but both of them are away, and Matthias, who would've been a good choice too, is very far away.
Both Wylan and Jesper are away, so Kaz, not wanting to go back to Slat and his boring papers, sits there and at some point joins the conversation. Marya and Alys were talking about children and their hobbies, at some point Kaz feared Alys might start singing. Well, Kaz didn’t really join in, truth is, at some point, Maria simply began asking him questions and explaining some things that Alice, in theory, should have known.
And eventually, after the shock had settled, Kaz really joined in. Both women were telling him all the tea they knew, and Kaz became an expert in Ketterdam's high-class rumors and scandals. He knows why a merchant's wife attending a ball in the same dress she wore before is scandalous. Why young ladies cannot be in the same room as gentlemen alone. Why men calling off an engagement is a scandal, but a woman doing the same is fine.
At some point Kaz visits them almost every time Alys and Marya meet for tea. And they do it every week.
Sometimes Alys brings her dog, and Kaz tries to train it. Marya offers whistle but both Kaz and Wylan protest against it. Wylan because he doesn’t want to have a headache every time Alys and the dog are visiting, and Kaz because he doesn’t want the dog to be manipulated as easily as Smits dogs were.
Eventually the dog, a little Pomeranian, is trained. And Kaz to everyone’s surprise makes it do tricks and sometimes puts on a little act with the dog. He makes it jump through fire, disappear in a hat and appear later with a rose in his teeth.
The dog adores Kaz and Kaz adores the dog. Sometimes Wylan thinks that Kaz visits just to see the dog.
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writer-in-the-forest · 10 months
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The Crows' Aesthetics✨
(writer.in.the.wood is my instagram username)
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a-reverii · 6 months
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" greed bows to me. it is my servant and my lever. "
━KAZ BREKKER, dirtyhands
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helniksdaughter · 8 months
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Kanej // Circus AU
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lcvescountdown · 3 months
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six of crows & crooked kingdom by leigh bardugo
“Crows remember human faces. They remember the people who feed them, who are kind to them. And the people who wrong them too. They don’t forget. They tell each other who to look after and who to watch out for.”
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sidraofthewildflowers · 6 months
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“She was Inej Ghafa, and she would not quiver like a rabbit in a snare.”
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jahayla-parker · 1 year
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Kaz Brekker and working through his touch aversion. Smuty, fluffy, angsty, anything you choose.
Progress Over Perfection: Kaz Brekker x Reader
Description: 3.7k wc, fluff/angst fic of Kaz working with reader to improve his touch aversion and getting mad at his lack of progress so reader has to help him work on making progress not being perfect.
Warning: general SoC topics including mention of trauma and touch aversion.
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Kaz ran his hand across his face and wordlessly exited the room, headed back to his office.
Y/n removed Jesper’s arm from her waist so she could follow him.
“Y/n” Jesper frowned, “you don’t always have to chose him”.
Y/n rold her eyes, “I’m not choosing anyone Jes, stop the dramatics. He’s clearly upset, I’d leave to check on you if the roles were reversed “.
“Kaz doesn’t get upset, he’s a robot” Jesper laughed, taking another shot.
Y/n shook her head, “I’m going to check on him. Enjoy your night, and Wylan, good luck”.
Wylan groaned and nodded, standing up and helping Jesper stand properly as y/n slipped away.
“Kaz?” Y/n asked, opening his door without knocking.
Kaz nodded once, not looking up at her the way he normally would when she’d enter his room.
“Kaz” she tried again, taking a step closer.
He sighed loudly and let his eyes flicker up to look at her for a split second before they lowered back down to his desk.
“Kaz, come on” she said exasperatedly, “I’m trying here. Are you mad at me?”
Kaz closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“If it is about the joke Jesper made earlier, I didn’t tell him anything. He-“ she began rambling.
Kaz shook his head and held up a hand for her to stop.
“I don’t care about his jokes. I know you didn’t tell him about us,” Kaz said firmly.
“Then why are you mad? What did I do?” She sighed, sitting down at his desk.
“You,” he sighed, “you did not do anything”.
“Kaz,” she groaned, “I can’t fix this if you don’t tell me what is bothering you”.
He suddenly pressed back from his desk, walking away from her, “you can’t fix this regardless”.
“Kaz, you don’t know that, I-“ she began but he froze and turned to face her, a pained look on his normally stoic face.
It lasted only a second but it was enough for her understand the meaning his next words.
“You cannot fix me,” he stated harshly.
“Fix you?” She asked, tilting her head to the left, “Kaz I don’t want to fix you. There’s nothing to fix”.
Kaz scoffed sarcastically, “do not feign ignorance y/n”.
Y/n glares at him silently, waiting for him to notice his mistake on his own.
Kaz watched her for a moment before sighing, “I did not mean you are ignorant dove, I… you just must know better than that”.
She sighed and shook her head, “what is it you think you need to have fixed?”
He clenched his hands, “I… I don’t “
She raised an eyebrow at him, “you’ve lost me then Brekker.”
“That is the concern,” he said sharply, facing away from her as he took his gloves off before his dresser.
“Wha-“ she paused, realizing what he meant, “Kaz, are you serious?! For saint’s sake Kaz, You’re not losing me. Where did this come from?”
Kaz hung his head as he leaned on his dresser and tried to compose himself.
“Kaz. I do not want to push you. But I am beyond confused. You state you need to be fixed then say you don’t think you do, and now you say you’re worried you’ll lose me?” She reiterated, hoping to make sense of the situation.
“What is it that I did to make you think any of this?” Y/n whispered, Kaz lifted his head and through the mirror noticed the guilt on her face.
Kaz grimaced, feeling horrible for causing this.
He pushed himself up and walked to her, standing before her as she zoned out; likely thinking through her actions.
“Darling,” he whispered, his tone firm but volume barely audible.
Y/n looked up at him, an apologetic look on her face.
“Do not,” Kaz stated, “do not think this was anything you did”.
She nodded slowly, clearly uncertain if she should believe him.
“I did this to myself,” he explained, trying to communicate with his eyes his sincerity.
“Did what? Kaz, please, just sit down and talk,” she begged.
Seeing the concerned look in her eyes, he complied, pulling his chair loudly across the floor until he was just before her.
“I cannot do what Jesper can,” Kaz stated, refusing to look her in the eyes.
“What Jesper can? Meaning gamble his Kruge away on a stupid bet about us? That’s not a goal to have Kaz, he was drunk a-“ y/n offers.
Kaz shook his head, “not his gambling. I saw the way he was holding your waist”.
Y/n sighed loudly, “Kaz, love, there’s nothing between Jesper and I, we’re just friends”.
Kaz nodded and pinched his nasal bridge, “I know…that makes it worse”.
Y/n crossed her arms, shifting in her seat as she stared at him in complete and utter confusion.
“Even your friends can … touch you, hold you, -“ he rambled abrasively.
“That’s what’s going on?” She gasped, “Kaz, have I been pressuring you to-“.
He shook his head, finally looking up at her and the lack of shine in his sullen eyes broke her heart.
“Then why..?” She asked, staring into his eyes as if they would expose the explanation to her.
“I… Jesper can, Wylan can, everyone else can.. I cannot offer you that” Kaz groaned.
“I’m not asking you to kaz. I know you've been through a lot. It's okay. You don’t need -“ she began, leaning closer to him.
“But I want to” he blurted, shutting his eyes tightly in embarrassment.
“Okay” she said softly.
Kaz opened his eyes and stared at her with a look of pure guilt and disappointment, “but I can’t”.
“This is your call, Kaz. If this something you want, we can try. We’ll go as slow as you need,” she told him.
“I… you would be okay with that?” He asked, trying to keep his voice steady.
She smiled at him, “absolutely love. You set the pace and tell me how to help, we’ll do this together “.
——
Kaz watched as Jesper kissed Wylan while their group crowded around the table.
Kaz glanced over at y/n who was seated next to him, grinning as she watched Wylan blush.
He knew no one was aware of their relationship, Kaz worrying it would risk her safety, but the table would prevent anyone from seeing his hand.
So he tried to take a step, shakingly lifting his closest hand and setting it on hers that was resting on the bench between them.
Kaz felt a wave of nausea and panic hit him just as his gloved hand felt the back of her bare hand and he instantly pulled his hand back and clenched his jaw.
Y/n, feeling the brief touch on her hand, turned to face him, offering him a soft smile.
But he shook his head as he stared into the distance.
“Kaz” she whispered once everyone else was busy in their own conversations.
Kaz didn’t respond as he stood up and walked to the bar.
Y/n watched him, wanting to give him some space to calm down.
He quickly took a shot, slamming it down onto the counter with such force she was surprised it didn’t break.
She sighed to herself, trying to find a way to help.
As he stood at the bar, his shoulders moving up and down as he steadied his breath, y/n slid out of her seat to stand beside him.
She noticed his head drop ever so slightly as she approached.
“Your office, come on” she whispered before turning on her heels to head the other direction.
She hadn’t been in his office long when he finally entered, his gaze not looking at her.
Y/n hadn’t wanted to push him to talk about it so she simply grabbed a book of his she’d been reading the last week and began to scan the page.
She couldn’t actually read it, her mind too focused on him, but hoped it took some pressure off him.
When Kaz felt steady enough to address his failure, he limped to where she was sitting on his bed and gently took the book from her.
He marked the page with the scrap paper she’d used as a bookmark last time, and set it down next to her.
Kaz stared at her, needing to hear that she wanted him to talk.
He knew it wasn’t fair, but it was the only way his brain would allow him to confess any kind of emotions to someone; and even then, it had to be her.
“I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready Kaz” she promised.
He nodded as a thank you before he dug his nail into his other palm, “I’m trying my best and it's not good enough. It’s never good enough”.
“Kaz, that’s not true” she frowned.
If he didn’t know better, if they hadn’t been together as long as they had, or if he hadn’t discussed the subject with her before, he’d worry that the look she held was from pity for him.
But he did know better, they had been together long enough for him to know she didn’t feel that way, and they had talked about it and she swore it was concern and not pity, so he let it slide.
“It is true” he argued, hating the harsh way the words slid off his tongue when she was just trying to help.
“No it is not. Kaz, even admitting you want to try this is a huge step. You have to stop rushing yourself,” she sighed.
“If I don’t, it may never get better. I may never get better,” he confessed, surprising himself.
“Kaz, you don’t need to get better. I’m not asking you to do any of this,” she reminded him.
“I know. But you deserve it. What I can do now is not enough. I, am not enough,” he defended.
There was a long moment of silence between them as they stared at eachother.
Kaz trying to keep his eyes from showing any emotion but failing as they were far softer than normal.
Y/n watching him in disbelief as if he just spoiled the ending of her favorite book.
“You don’t actually believe that Kaz” she pleaded quietly.
Kaz didn’t say anything, unable to reiterate the despise he had for himself.
“Saints Kaz, you're enough. You’re more than enough” she huffed , “if anyone tries to claim otherwise, they will not hear the end of it. That includes you”.
Kaz bit his inner lip, and forced a shaky nod.
“Please stop pushing yourself so hard. It’s only going to make this harder on you” she begged.
“One more” he said, his voice firm but low.
“What?” She asked, bending her head to see into his eyes better.
“One more attempt tonight” he stated as if there was no argument he’d hear, but his eyes were softly pleading.
She nodded and stayed as still as possible so he could initiate the contact on his own terms.
Kaz hate that he still had his gloves on, knowing she’d seen him without them, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to touch her without them; not yet anyways.
He took a calming breath, taking in the sight of his undeservedly supportive girlfriend before him as motivation.
He brought his hand closer to her before asking her for help, “palm up”.
She nodded with a kind smile and flipped her hand so her palm faced upwards on the bed.
Kaz took another stabilizing breath and looped his gloved pinky around her bare one, staring at it as he tried to keep calm.
“Kaz, I’m here. You’re safe” she whispered, knowing how to help since she’d been there for more than one of his panic attacks at this stage in their relationship.
He nodded, his eyes hardening as he focused on their fingers, his breathing tense.
“You can let go whenever” she reminded him, seeing the stubborn and determined look in his eyes, “don’t push yourself”.
Kaz waited until he felt the water slamming into his ribs before he pulled away.
He sat silently, his shoulders trembling as he caught his breath and listened to y/N’s voice to bring him back to reality.
If he was honest, he enjoyed the fact he’d been able to touch her even briefly, but he wasn’t sure if the anxiety was worth it.
However, as he realigned himself with his current surroundings, y/N’s smile and the new glow in her eyes made him realize it was absolutely worth it.
He’d do anything to keep being the reason for that beaming smile and sparkling stare; even if it meant he had to push through these episodes.
——
Kaz paced back and forth, refusing to look at y/n.
“Kaz please” she begged, frowning at him.
He ignored her, still stomping across his room, his leg limping majorly as he refused to use his cane.
“Kaz” she sighed, unsure how to stop this round of him berating himself over his touch aversion.
They’d been merely sitting in his office, him at his desk working in some new heist as she relaxed and read a book on his bed.
Something came over him and he felt inclined to at least hold her hand, but it did not go well.
He wasn’t sure why.
He’d gotten to the point where he could now do that for at least five seconds, even without gloves on.
But tonight that seemed to not be the case and it infuriated him.
“Kaz” she tried again, her desperation clear in her voice.
“Stop” he shouted, halting and glaring at her.
However, she didn’t react, knowing he was simply trying to push her away again out of his own fear and self disappointment.
“Why?” He asked, tugging at his hair.
“Why what?” She asked.
“You put up with so much. With me. Why?” He complained, his hair becoming a mess under his fingers.
She rolled her eyes softly, “I’m not putting up with you Kaz. I’m simply staying by your side. And you know why”.
Kaz sighed, his eyes closing as he dropped his aggressive posture and dragged himself to the bed.
“I don’t deserve it” he told her, sitting next to her, staring at their hands a few inches apart.
“You don’t. I don’t know why you have this struggle Kaz, but you’re right, you don’t deserve to have it” she agreed, resting her head in her shoulder as she glanced over at him.
“You mistook what I said” he informed her, looking up from their hands and into her eyes, “It is not the condition that I don’t deserve. It is you. Your patience, your-“.
“Stop that right now. Kaz Brekker, I will not sit here and listen to you say that. Even if you don’t believe you deserve it, I do. And it is not up to you to decide if you get to have me, to experience my patience or whatever else you think you don’t deserve. It is mine and I’m choosing to share it with you because I believe you deserve it” she stated, giving him a look.
“You don’t know why I’m like this but you accept it. I cannot understand why.” He admits.
“I don’t have to understand why Kaz. That doesn’t change what is happening. I accept you as you are Kaz, without needing explanations. Because I love you” she firmly assured him.
“And if I wanted to?” He asked vaguely.
“Wanted to what Kaz?” She asked softly.
“Explain” Kaz said simply, eyes scanning her face for a reaction.
“You… you’re wanting to explain the reason behind your touch aversion?” Y/n asked cautiously.
Kaz nodded, “this… this is not easy for me…. And not how I had planned…”
He sighed and took a deep breath before focusing his gaze on her’s with as soft of a look as he could form, “I feel the same way”.
He couldn’t officially say the words, that was too large of a step for him.
Simply admitting it indirectly was a lot for him and made him want to crawl away and hide.
But the way her eyes widened slightly with shock and happiness, the way her lips parted ever so slightly as she suppressed a gasp, the way her body froze as if needing to pause the moment and take it all in, made it worth it.
He knew one day he’d need to muster up the courage to actually say those three words, but at least now she knew how he felt.
“Which… is why, I want to…” he muttered, hoping to turn the conversation.
“Handsome,” she began, surprises sing a smirk as his cheeks tinted red, “you don't owe me an explanation, or the story of your trauma, just because you love me. But if you want and are ready to share it, I'll listen”.
Kaz took a moment to look her over, memorizing every minute detail of her and their current situation.
He nodded with a faint curl of his lips, “I want to”.
——
“Handsome, look... it's progress, yeah? You’re already better than you were before” y/n encouraged.
He shook his head, “if this were a heist, I’d have just gotten us all caught”.
“But it isn’t Kaz. This is new territory. Give yourself a break” she suggested.
“I cannot” he told her, staring at the papers on his desk.
“Why not?” She asked but he didn’t respond.
She walked to him and peered at the sloppily written note he was making.
“Kaz,” she sighed, trying to take the paper from him.
He shot her a look before continuing to hastily note the various types of physical contact that did not go well so far in his attempts over the last year.
“Please stop, you don’t need a note” she groaned.
Kaz knew she was right, after all, every detail of each failure was burned into the back of his mind, retuning to mock him when he inevitably failed again.
This time it was when he tried to kiss her cheek, his lips not even touching her skin before he panicked.
“Come on, let’s go for a walk, or see what Inej found out from the docks today, or-“ she began, trying to find something to interest him that wouldn’t lead him back to this train of thought.
“I said no” he snapped, his grip tight on the pen as he instantly regretted his outburst.
When she didn’t respond or react, he set the pen down, glancing up at her with remorse, “love, I cannot”.
“Why not Kaz?” She asked with a sad tone.
“I cannot give up. I need to do this, for both of us” he told her.
“I’m not asking you to give up Kaz. Saints, I’m just asking you to not be so judgmental to yourself! You trust me right?” She asked.
He nodded and relaxed his body as much as he could to show her he was trying to comply with her wishes.
“Then trust me when I say I love you and that right now, I’d much rather we go for a walk than watch you spiral over this” she told him, holding up his hat.
Kaz let out a sigh and nodded, standing up from his desk.
As y/n grinned and placed his hat on her head, Kaz chuckled quietly.
He picked the hat off her head, intentionally letting his ungloved fingers trace faintly over her ear.
She bit her lip and smiled up at him before forcing a stern look, “don’t push yourself”.
He gave her a thankful nod, passing her a jacket silently.
“I know I can do this” he said, watching himself as he hooked his arm through her’s now that they both had fabric costing their bare skin.
She nodded, staring up at him with compassionate eyes and an excited smile.
——
Kaz knew he needed to watch his tone, but the waves had been too high and all he could do was lash out in frustration.
“You should be!” He yelled as y/n sat next to him on the floor.
She shook her head, “as I said Kaz… I'm not angry. It is not up to you to determine that”.
Kaz glared at the legs of his desk across the room as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.
“Mad, disappointed, fed up, whatever you want to label it” he hissed.
“I’m not mad. I'm not disappointed. I’m not fed up. I just love you” she told him, watching as his eyes softened as the words hit his ear.
He was silent for a moment as he wiped the tears from his face that had fallen during his latest panic attack.
“This has to be bothering you” He said, his voice shaky as he tried to reign in his anger, “I cannot even kiss you”.
"This isn't bothering me, Kaz. If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn’t be. You have to trust me on that” she begged.
“It’s bothering me” he admitted, his shoulders sinking as his back leaned on the wall for support.
“So we keep working on it, together. It’s about progression Kaz, not perfection” she told him.
“You… you deserve perfection” he claimed, chancing a look at her.
She smiled at him, reaching for his hand hesitantly.
When he nodded, she grabbed his hand slowly and held it in her’s.
“Kaz. To me, you are perfection. And this,” she said, lifting their hands between them, “is a huge progression towards perfection in an area you are striving for”.
He let her words register and nodded, a small but sincere smile on his lips as he considered how far he’d come.
“You want to reach perfection in this area, not me. I’m fine with how it was, and how it is. But I’m here to support you and I have never seen you not reach your goals “ she smirked, “but you need to remember, progress not perfection. You push too hard at once and it’ll all crumble”
He nodded, letting himself squeeze her hand very minimally, but more than he figured he could do in the moment, “progress”.
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Kaz Brekker Navigation/Masterlist
Six of Crows Navigation/Masterlist
Freddy Carter Navigation/Masterlist
Main Navigation/Masterlist (all my works)
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Kaz Brekker Tag List (comment here to added):
@directioner5life @ell0ra-br3kk3r @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r
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mlmarint · 1 year
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i we did something bad
a modern six of crows social media au! When Inej Ghafa finally decided to get revenge on the people who sexually assaulted her, she didn’t imagined that she would end up in the craziest friend group of all (or to start to fall in love with Kaz Brekker).
series masterlist | next >
MEET THE CROWS
Inej
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Kaz
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Jesper Fahey
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Nina Zenik
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Wylan Van Eck
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Matthias Helvar
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Notes: there is so much I want to explain about this fanfic! But i have decided to let most of it to the plot.
First, this is an au set on Os Alta University in some version of modern Ravka and that means will have mentions of others Grishaverse’s characters. The most important thing that I want to let clear since the beginning: Kaz will not have full touch aversion, the same goes for Inej trauma, but don’t worry we will get the angst.
I’ll post this on AO3, but I’ll keep you guys updated here also!! You can find me on AO3 here.
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erosedits · 1 year
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“You still may die in the Dregs.” Inej's dark eyes had glinted. “I may. But I'll die on my feet with a knife in my hand.”
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I would have come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together - knives drawn, pistols blazing.
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booksaesthesic · 7 months
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-kaz brekker aesthetic-
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applecidersstuff · 5 months
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While rewatching "Shadow and Bone" on Netflix I heard something that made me giggle.
In the first ep Kaz says something like: “If it would’ve been a trap it would sound easy”
And I get what he says, but knowing the plot of SoC it sounds so funny
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“My mother is Ketterdam. She birthed me in the harbour. And my father is profit. I honour him daily.”
- kaz brekker, the bastard of the barrel: crooked kingdom, ch. 17
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ell0ra-br3kk3r · 6 months
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Tolerate It - Kaz Brekker
Books/reading, small walks through leaves, cozy blankets/at-home stuff, and some kind of fall snack (donuts, cookies, cinnamon rolls, whatever ) 🖤🍁
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helniksdaughter · 1 year
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Wesper // Tangled AU
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lcvescountdown · 3 months
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six of crows & crooked kingdom by leigh bardugo
“Maybe there were people who lived those lives. Maybe this girl was one of them. But what about the rest of us? What about the nobodies and the nothings, the invisible girls? We learn to hold our heads as if we wear crowns. We learn to wring magic from the ordinary. That was how you survived when you weren’t chosen, when there was no royal blood in your veins. When the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway.”
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