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redamancyys · 1 year

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Three Moments - Kaz Brekker

SUMMARY ◆ Three moments in which Kaz shows his love for you.

WARNING(S) ◆ fluff, implied smut, unedited, me word vomiting.

WORDS ◆ 2k

»»————-　✼　————-««

You were certain that you were always meant to burn together. To love him was to love the hot embers of a forest fire, pressing your hands farther and farther into the flames no matter how much your body screamed to let go. It was all consuming, a love that suffocated you like smoke and left you burning for days. He was always burning, and sometimes you wondered if you just got caught up in the flames. Heartstrings woven together, not sure if you were the anchor or he was . . . Saints, who were you kidding? He definitely was not the anchor.

It took him a long time to understand that he needed you.

He was the bastard of the Barrel, unafraid of getting his hands dirty because he hid under a pair of gloves. On his worst days when he came home, they were caked with dirt, dust, and blood. It wasn’t his blood, he rarely had a cut on him. Most of the times when you stayed up until he returned, he would glance in your direction, give you a small nod, and make his way up to his room at the tallest point in the Slat. The next morning he never acknowledged it. His hair was slicked back, porcelain skin perfectly clean on his face and his gloves were as well. Fine, black leather worn down on the fingertips in the same places he gripped his cane. You wondered why he never let even those closest to him see him in any way disheveled. You didn’t understand the danger of looking weak the way he did. It wasn’t your fault, no one had ever understood what he had been through. Not that they ever could know anyway.

One night you were awake once again, making an excuse that you couldn’t sleep and had to make tea, though many knew that you stayed up until all members of the Crows were back home. You sat in the corner, a favorite book in hand and sipping on some mix of tea when you heard the door open and you thought for a moment your eyes were playing tricks on you. Because there he stood, cuts on his face and parts of his shirt ripped off at the arms. He was beaten, bloody, unlike anything you had ever seen before. He stood there, looking at you, watching as you took another sip and waited for him to go up the stairs like he always did. But this time he kept standing there, watching, as if he was waiting for your attention. He glanced over at the box on the table where you all kept bandages, and then back at you.

Soon enough you were both sitting at the table, you were reaching for the tiny bottle of alcohol and white wrap up bandages.

“Who was it this time?” You asked, dumping a cloth in a water bowl to clean his wounds. He looked at you, as if to say, it doesn’t matter. Though you kept pressing on, your eyes peered into his coffee brown ones, eyebrow popping up in question. “I waited up for you, which means you can’t keep any secrets from me, Kaz Brekker.”

His name seemed to pop him out of his thoughts, pushing him back to reality in which he was there, sitting with you, rather than in the future thinking about plans or in the past pondering about the people he’s lost. Kaz glanced down at his gloved hands and then turned his attention back to you, watching your face carefully.

“Someone didn’t pay me back for a favor,” He said. “It wasn’t an easy confrontation but it’s over now.”

That was all you needed. You knew it was all you would get right now. Empty words were his forte that no matter how long you spent trying to read in between the lines of his metaphors and hyperboles, you were left feeling more confused than how you began. It took you so long to understand that it wasn’t about what he said, it was what he did. He never told any of the members of his crew how much they mattered to him, how important it was that they stuck around. In fact, sometimes you wondered if anyone mattered to Kaz Brekker, or if he was destined to keep himself alone, closed off, coldhearted.

Your hand with the towel came up to his face and he flinched, making you falter for a single second. You waited for him to say something, but it never did, and you finished your motion by slowly wiping away the dried blood from the cut on his face. It wasn’t deep, it wouldn’t scar, and for some reason that made you glad. He would still look pristine in the morning, with a little help from you. You wondered if this is what he did alone in his room when he came back, healed wounds that never saw the light of day. Some part of you wished that he would show this side of him more often, the one that was vulnerable. Both of you stayed silent while you wiped the blood away and bandaged up your arm, though soon enough he was on his way back to his room, leaving you downstairs.

You two took care of each other. It took until a heist went wrong that you saw that for sure. Too many things were against the group that day. Jesper’s guns stopped working when he had to take a critical shot, Nina was almost taken hostage . . . You yourself had suffered a striking blow to the stomach, becoming winded and almost passing out from lack of oxygen. Everyone ran away, knowing to meet up later at the Crow Club when they got the opportunity. You ran into an alley, head spinning, gasping for air as you leaned against a wall. Men ran past, most likely looking for you and your partners, though were not smart enough to look down the dark alley to their right. You could barely walk, knowing that several of your ribs had to be broken.

“You need to keep moving,” A voice spoke from behind, startling you enough to grab the gun from your belt and aim it in the direction of the voice. Your eyes caught up with your target and realized it was Kaz, able to sneak up on you because he was without his cane for the blown heist. “Guards are looking all over for us.”

You huffed, shaking your head. You couldn’t do it. All you wanted to do was lay there until you got better, not caring about the dirt and grime on the ground. When you tried to walk it felt like someone was stabbing you in the lungs, you stumbled a little and would’ve fallen if Kaz’s hands hadn’t grabbed you and kept you upright.

Your vision was spotty as you both stumbled out of the alley, slowly making your way back. “I can’t do this,” You said, tears welling up in your eyes. “It hurts so much, Kaz, it hurts.” You were rarely this emotive, you were the glue of the group, keeping everyone together even through the toughest of times. Everyone always came to you, you’re the strongest one of them all. Every single second you wondered if your caved in ribs would puncture one of your organs and this would be your last day. Your last time with the people you cared so much about. The world was spinning, but Kaz’s arms and touch brought you back to reality, and soon enough you were within feet of the Crow Club and you collapsed, letting the darkness consume your mind.

It was a few hours before you woke up in your room, opening your eyes to the soft glow of a candle near your bed. The softness of your blanket gave comfort, though the moment of relief that you were alive seemed to wash away as the pain came back to reality, a bandage wrapped around your torso that impeded your motion.

For the next couple of days you were in and out of consciousness, Inej came to visit you a lot in order to give you food and some company, sometimes Jesper would tell you about his day and about Wylan. But still no sign of Kaz. You hadn’t seen him since he had brought you back to safety. At first you thought nothing of it, though the idea that he was avoiding you began to boil and fester, leading you to question Jesper the next time he arrived in your room with tea in hand.

“I understand that comfort isn’t his thing, but I thought that Kaz would at least come and visit once,” You stated to Jesper, sucking in your bottom lip whilst moving to sit up, minding the tiny pain in your chest.

Jesper’s eyes widened, shaking his head a tiny bit in a way that made you think he was hiding something from you. You gave him a puzzled look, urging him to speak his thoughts to you.

“He’s been sitting outside of your door every chance he gets. I thought you knew.”

His kisses were soft despite his tough exterior, but they were not without intention. Every time his lips made contact with a piece of your skin you could feel his want, his desire, like he couldn’t get enough of you no matter how hard he tried. It was like you were his church and he was on his knees, praying for forgiveness for his sins, praying to your body that he worshipped unlike all the faceless saints in the world. Your hands collided with his hair, intertwining the soft locks of dark brown and pulling on it, pulling him closer.

He would only kiss you in the confines of the Crow Club, where others couldn’t see. It bothered you at first, wondering if he didn’t want others to see that underneath all the cold and hard exterior he put towards the world: Dirtyhands could love. But that was just the thing, he didn’t want any of his enemies to come for you like he knew that they would. He didn’t want to put you in the face of danger anymore than you already did for him on a daily basis. To love him was to have a target on your back.

At this point you knew of his aversion to touch, how his brother died, how it pained him to feel the skin of another upon his own. Instead of pulling away from his scars like he thought you would, you brought him closer, vowing that you understood, that you were sorry, that you would do whatever you could to make him feel better. Kaz thought for so long that he was a monster, and that may be true, but you weren’t a child, you weren’t afraid of the darkness that he had enveloped himself in for so long. You were willing to love him for who he was, no matter how much he tried to hide you from his truths.

He could handle your kisses, finding solace in your mouth, the way it tasted like warm tea and the softness of your lips. And he accepted your small touches, starting slowly with tracing your fingers across his skin. You felt along his veins, taking extra care with his scars, pressing a kiss on the ones that looked particularly new. His gloves would come off and he would do the same to you. Eventually more clothes came off, more skin against skin. He found solace again in your tiny sighs and moans that left your lips when he kissed there and there . . . and especially there. Neither of you had ever surrendered yourself to another person in this way, it was intimate and sent you both over the moon. It was just you both, alone in either of your rooms, loving each other no matter what.

After both of you would lay in one another's arms, the glow of the candlelight enveloping both of your bodies. There wasn’t much talking, maybe some if there was something particularly on either of your minds. You idly traced patterns on his skin, comforting him when he flinched, reminding him that you were there. He would be okay.

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futurecorps3 · 11 months

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Hiii, could you write a nikokai fic where reader is like in love with kaz but he doesn't really pay attention to her. And then the crows meet sturmhond because of a heist and he takes interest in the reader form the first moment he sae her and makes her fall in love with him. And then whatever you want lol. Maybe kaz being jealous idk.

Sorry for any grammatical mistake, english it's not my first language.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞

Masterlist<3

Summary: After years of being in love with the one and only Kaz Brekker, breaking her own heart, Y/N meets someone else... Pairing: Sturmhond x fem!inferni!reader, Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

Warnings: The usual crow violence, DRINKING, jealous Kaz, mean Kaz, "unrequited" love for a little while, Matthias is alive and well like in the books duh but this is ofc before Nikolai becomes king, idc I just want my Fjerdan hunk happy in Ketterdam, curse words, kind of a messy timeline. HURT AND NO COMFORT. Lmk if I missed any.

Word Count: 2.9K!! Requested: Yes

A/N: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! :( I've been looking forward to getting to this specific request because oh my god, also, I changed it up a little; making Kaz actually be in love with reader but never really trying anything. Tysm for requesting love! Hope you enjoy :)

˚ · • . °

Exhaustion. That's what she felt, and to be honest, it was even more frustrating when Y/N knew she was doing it to herself. Those persistent yet futile attempts at reading Kaz's silence or gaze as something else; a love message, a confession of his sins, any sign of vulnerability reserved for her. However, these attempts, though fervent, ultimately proved fruitless.

How could she confirm what she thought she saw if, after, say, he appeared distressed at her being in danger or fumed when some dick was being extra disgusting at the bar that night; he went back to being his usual cold self?

When she finally obtained concrete evidence that disproved her misconceptions ("Jesper, she prefers black coffee" or "Y/N, could you join me in my office for a moment?" simply to spend time together in quietude), he strategically distanced himself throughout the week, transforming those precious moments of tranquility and companionship into ordinary occurrences, leading her to, somehow, misunderstand them.

Another shot of vodka and the pain her thoughts evoked was replaced by the burning, bitter sensation in her tongue and throat. "A hangover won't make Kaz let you stay behind tomorrow, you know that?" Matthias smiled next to her.

Since he joined the crows, the Fjerdan had taken a special liking to his girlfriend's best friend; she was funny, kind hearted and could keep up his pace in drinking games. Nina couldn't be happier to see her loves get along so well, saying it's her dream come true. "Oh don't even start, Matthias" Y/N answered, feigning annoyance as she poured more of the burning liquid into her glass and pulled out another for her friend.

They silently toasted to nothing in particular and chatted about their books as they usually did. Matthias' romance novel had an interesting love triangle Y/N was eager to read when he was finished. From how he talked about it, the girl knew it was just her type of story. They were in the middle of a playful argument about a plot-hole Y/N thought she found when Kaz approached them.

His usual demeanor seemed a bit... shaken. If you asked the blonde, he'd say he only looked more agitated, but Y/N/N knew better; his hair was covering his forehead slightly, but he wasn't brushing it back. The limp was prominent still, yet he wasn't using his cane. Kaz was in a rush to get to her, maybe?.

"One of your fellow countrymen is starting a turmoil outside, doesn't speak Kerch. Will you please, for the tree's sake, go and talk some sense into his thick blonde skull?" Saints, why did she like him so much? Even like that, Y/N thought he looked rather divine. Matthias stood up from his seat and directed himself to the entrance.

"Since when do you care for what happens outside that door?" She asked with a grin, genuinely curious. "I wouldn't if he wasn't scaring off the pigeons. No wealthy tourist will endure the trouble that some drunk Fjerdan means just to get inside a place full of people that'll take his money" the boy explained, looking down at her.

Kaz's complexion, kissed by the soft glow of the candles, is pale yet flawless, as if untouched by the harshness of the world he inhabits. His sharp, well-defined features give him an air of enigmatic sophistication, further heightened by the way the light dances upon his cheekbones, emphasizing their elegant structure.

Y/N realizes she's staring. She looks away.

The bastard smirks. "Finding something intriguing, are we?" And oh, she wanted to stab him to see if that would wipe the stupid grin he carried. "Oh, please, Kaz. You give yourself too much credit. I was merely lost in thought, contemplating the mysteries of the world. Your face happened to be in the line of sight, that's all."

Quick, sarcastic answer, as if the seconds between her silence confirmed even further what he was saying. He scoffed, drinking the remains of alcohol on Matthias' glass and fixed his hair in the process. "Stop drinking, a hangover won't spare you from our meeting tomorrow".

˚ · • . °

She should've listened. The crashing waves outside only intensified the discomfort, while the salty breeze seemed to carry a tinge of regret. Even the beauty of the sea she was now too used to felt distant and inaccessible, overshadowed by the haze of her post-indulgence remorse.

Nina, taunting Matthias with a mature Ravkan song and Jesper shooting bottles in the warehouse, created an uneasy atmosphere for hungover Y/N. This unsettling environment made it difficult for her to focus on evaluating any potential deals they were to discuss with the privateer Kaz said they were meeting that day. Also, they had been waiting for over an fifteen minutes now! She was surprised Kaz was waiting still.

He checked his pocket watch subtly, sighing at the tardiness of their Ravkan guests. Then, he looked over at Y/N. Even with those deep baggy eyes and with her head on her hands in exasperation, she managed to awaken that odd feeling in his chest. He hated it. No, he despised it.

If he ever accepted that he was down hard for the girl, he could also get over the fact that she, too, liked him. Well, he wasn't dumb! There was no denying that Y/N's actions warmed his heart. He just knew loving was a dangerous thing to do, a weakness he couldn't afford after spending years building a reputation in Ketterdam.

Then came a loud bang on the heave wooden doors of the warehouse. "Fucking finally" Y/N sighed, going to open the door herself before anyone would, wanting nothing but to end this as soon as possible so she could go back home to sleep. She grabbed the handle and pulled, the bright light outside blinding her momentarily before seeing the privateer and his crew.

"Hello gorgeous! Here to see Mr. Brekker. I'm guessing you're one of his associates?" A sharp, slightly deep voice greeted. The girl shielded her eyes from the light and found captain smily offering his hand out. In Ketterdam, rumours ran as quick as blood on pavement; Sturmhond knew that. He needed no introduction. Every person involved in not so legal activities who didn't live under a rock had heard at least once about the dog of the sea.

She took it, shaking gently. "Y/N Y/L/N, but if you prefer nicknames, call me Haepha". Then she stepped aside, pretending not to notice the smirk on Sturmhond's face so his partners could come in. The rumors hadn't done justice to his captivating presence.

The charismatic privateer stood tall, his dark hair falling in unruly waves that added to his allure. His piercing blue eyes seemed to hold a world of secrets, and a mischievous smile played across his lips. Dressed in opulent garments that exuded confidence and flair, Sturmhond commanded attention with every step as his crew and he approached the rest of the crows.

"I'll stick to your name for now doll, too pretty not to use," And the bastard winked at Y/N, making a Shu girl who was walking behind him with the same confidence giggle. The worst thing about pretty men is they know they're pretty, and knew damn well how to get away with being cocky. She knew his type, so she brushed the wink off and walked towards her friends.

Kaz and Sturmhond shook hands. Everyone who was fast enough grabbed a seat in old boxes or even on the floor. Jesper offered Y/N his seat, knowing that the vodka she drank last night was no merciful rival, and stood behind her alongside his boyfriend. Inej lingered sitting in a window near them as Matthias and Nina remained standing, contrary to all the privateers' team.

Kaz started making introductions, all a mere formality, Y/N knew. "You've met Y/N, our inferni. Behind him are Jesper, sharp-shooter, and Wylan, our demo-man. The blonde wall-resembling man over there is Matthias, and Nina is a heartrender. Inej in the window, our Wraith" he pointed, everyone nodding or waving at the dark-haired man.

"A Wraith alright, didn't notice you were there sweetheart!" He pointed out and then introduced the twins; Tolya and Tamar. As well as Anya and Andrei, who were two members of his ship's company who wanted to come by and see who they were working with. When that was taken care of, plans were strategized by both leaders and positions were given to each member.

Y/N knew Kaz was characterized by having plans from A to Z for very elaborate heists, but even this one seemed out of his reach, almost too ambitious. But if Sturmhond's name lived up to the myth, nothing was quite impossible for him and Kaz's love for money could get him to plot even the tiniest detail.

Their objective this time was to steal some kind of jewel called "the moon's tears". It was a gem said to be worth four million kruge, to be bargained for even more; the crows' biggest heist yet. The vault it was in was widely known for its impenetrable security measures, including seemingly impenetrable barriers, intricate lock mechanisms, and a team of highly skilled guards.

Those two were absolutely insane! Even before one considered the noble who owned the vault and therefore the gem they were trying to steal, knew Kaz from the past. It was an extremely peculiar coincidence that a masquerade ball was taking place some distance away from the location of the vault, which represented the perfect opportunity for the work.

This would allow them to exploit the lack of security and sweep the gem away. Nina would ideally take care of the distraction, to keep the nobleman from returning home too quick, but her heartrending abilities would be helpful to make a quick work to make the few officers guarding the vault doze off.

So it became Y/N's job. A job she was to complete with Sturmhond.

After the meeting ended and Y/N's headache had worsened, a deep voice was heard from behind her. She turned to find the charming privateer flashing a smile at her. "Looking forward to working with you, darling" He commented, offering his hand out and all. She took it and shook half-heartedly, eager to just go home and sleep for the rest of the evening.

"Me too, handsome" Irony laced in her tone. "Doesn't seem like it, you alright? You look like a ghost. Lovely, yes, but still ghostly" The comment made her smile, tightening the grasp on his hand but not shaking anymore "Just hungover s'all" "Told you so!" Jesper proclaimed from their side as everyone directed themselves to the door.

The privateer smiled sweetly. "Got any plans this evening?" "Other than rotting in my room until my body stops hurting? Not really. Why?" Y/N looked down briefly, realizing she still hadn't let go of his hand and then released her grasp "Well, if my days at sea have thought me anything other than how to read the stars..." he started, tapping the necklace with a star charm the girl sported.

A "gift" from Kaz (some jewelry that wasn't redeemed from a heist he let her keep). "...is how to cure a hangover. Mind coming with me to a bar? You can decide which". Going to a bar with a complete stranger who had a reputation of being in trouble most of the time and who she were to work with? Sure thing.

"Promise youll make it go away?" "Promise".

˚ · • . °

And what a plot twist he was. Jesper had jokingly said to the girl that she shouldn't take a privateer's word but he did termiante her hangover with some strange, black-ish liquid she didn't dare to ask the composition of. Then they drank more.

As the drinks arrived, they raised their glasses, the clink of crystal breaking the spell of their silent connection. Sturmhond smiled, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "To new adventures and unexpected encounters," he proposed, his voice smooth and velvety.

Y/N couldn't help but return the smile, feeling the warmth of excitement spread through her veins. "To embracing the unknown," she replied, raising her glass in agreement. They took a sip, the flavors dancing on their tongues. A comfortable silence settled between them, allowing the sounds of the bar to envelop them. After a moment, Sturmhond leaned in, his voice low and captivating.

"So, Y/N, what brings you to this lawless corner of the world?". He asked, genuine curiosity lacing his words. Y/N's eyes sparkled as she recounted her journey, the challenges she faced, and the dreams that fueled her determination. Sturmhond listened intently, his attention unwavering, as if she held the secrets of a hidden treasure.

As she spoke, Y/N couldn't help but notice the genuine interest in Sturmhond's eyes. He asked thoughtful questions and shared stories of his own adventures, effortlessly weaving tales of daring escapades that left Y/N hanging on his every word.

The conversation flowed effortlessly, a seamless exchange of ideas, dreams, and aspirations. Time seemed to melt away as they delved into deeper discussions, finding solace in the connection they were building. Laughter intertwined with their words, a symphony of shared amusement and understanding.

They became lost in each other's company, entranced by the way their thoughts aligned and their hearts danced to the same rhythm. And as the night wore on, their conversation continued, their new found connection growing stronger with every passing moment.

She couldn't help but think of Kaz, when exiting the bar, and on the way back to The Slat. When would he ever, in a million years, make her feel so seen? How could he? He seemed to be nothing but cold and a bad type of confusing to the girl.

Y/N was not blind, either. Sturmhond was known for his endless romantic encounters with women across the sea, and he was interested in her. Now, she could not deny the guy was a charming boy too pretty for this Earth, sharp as a knife and, as she found out that evening, shared a lot of ideals and interests with her.

Could he maybe work as a rebound? Maybe. Would she shamelessly use him as that? Could be. Having his eyes on her that whole meeting was no coincidence, and she liked his attention. Maybe what mends a broken heart was a handsome privateer.

They agreed to meet up the next day, his treat.

˚ · • . °

Back at the Slat, Kaz was fuming. No, not fuming; seething. A bar outing? She just met him! He could not believe his eyes when they were talking hand in hand like they had known each other from a previous lifetime.

In the little time that had passed since (most of) the crows had returned from the meeting, Kaz had already gotten four drunks kicked out, death-stared a group of dregs twice so they'd shorten their break time to get them to work and downed four vodka shots.

Why was he this mad? She wasn't even his and as far as she knew; he had no intentions of being hers either. The boy couldn't be mad at her, but he was, and Kaz knew very well he was being a big selfish shit. He could not blame Y/N either; the bastard she had been crushing on gives no signs of interest but a privateer handsome as the devil shows up with his attention completely focused on her? Of course she'd fall.

He just hated that feeling.

It's presence looms, heavy and suffocating, wrapping its tendrils around the heart, constricting with an iron grip. It whispers sweet poison into the mind, distorting reality and fueling irrational fears. Like a tempestuous storm, it rages within, lightning crackling with envy, thunder rumbling with resentment. It paints the world in hues of green, tarnishing every joyous moment with a bitter aftertaste.

And then his heart sunk into the depths of his dark soul when he saw them walk in hand in hand. That was the first time Y/N had walked into a room and not looked for him, he noticed. She was laughing at something Sturmhond had said as they walked up the stairs until they reached the door of Y/N's room. He kissed her hand and she kissed his cheek.

The privateer then walked down the stairs, noticing Kaz staring.

"She's one of a kind, that one... Might stay a bit more after the job's done. See you tomorrow, Brekker"

The feeling was now leaving an empty, bottomless void in his soul. He bottomed his shot glass then poured another one.

˚ · • . °

Time kept ticking and the void intensified, but Kaz learnt how to deal with it.

He learnt how to deal with it when he kissed her after the job was done.

He learnt how to deal with it when Y/N took a break from the crows to leave with him for six months.

He learnt how to deal with it when she returned from her trip, beautiful tan skin and a diamond on her finger.

He learnt how to deal with it when he saw her crying herself to sleep because she missed him.

He learnt how to deal with it when she left for good.

He learnt how to deal with it when she was named queen of Ravka.

Kaz just learnt how to live with the shame and regret of not recognizing that the one thing he needed was right in front of him, hoping she'd have a place next to him.

˚ · • . ° .

Hi! Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed:) I'm actually sorry for this one...

Remember, the best way to support writer’s works on here is by REBLOGGING WITH TAGS. I’d very much appreciate it if you did!

Thanks again, stranger. Hope you have a nice day<3

NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO REPOST AS THEIR OWN/TRANSLATE/OR COPY MY WORK IN ANY PLATFORM OR SPACE WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT CONSENT.

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writersblockedx · 1 year

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The Things we do

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader Summary - When Kaz finds out a rivial gang has taken you hostage, he'll stop at nothing to find you again. Warnings - Angst, violence, torture, wounds, blood, hurt/comfort vibe Words - 2.8K

Masterlist

Kaz didn't know where you were. And, even worse, neither did you.

What you did know however: your head was pounding, the room was dark and you were tied to a chair. Your head dragged up, blood trickling from your cut lip as you faced your captor. She was a mean face. Her eyes flooded with fury that you doubted ever left and she bred the sense of vex with every step she took. If anyone was to be a psycho kidnapper, it would have been her.

"Y/n Y/l/n." A voice called your name like it was illegal, like it was something to be dragged through the dirt.

Your captor took a step back, revealing the man who was sitting in the chair behind her. In no way was he rough around the edges like the girl was. In fact, he wore a suit to fit, his lips moulded into something he seemed to use as a weapon. And despite her cut lip and likely bruised features, her head tilted and she pushed her luck. "Nice to know you know, because I've got no idea who you are." Maybe had you not just been kidnapped, you might have been more composed.

The man stood and she felt herself lean as far back in her chair as she was able. "It doesn't matter who I am." He said; his voice so monotone for the context of the situation. "I just need to know about you."

You weren't so sure where this was headed. Your mind was still trying to catch up with the punches you had just endured, attempting to understand where you were and how you were in fact going to get out of it. "Me?" You reiterated, flashing some puppy dog eyes you knew weren't going to work. But it was worth a try in this situation.

He nodded and then a word slipped from his lips. Just one word and that was all you needed to know you were in the shit now. "Crow." Them puppy dog eyes slipped away as easily as they had settled. Suddenly, you came to realise the severity of the situation and you questioned if you would be able to get out of it. The suit man looked over to the captor, nodding his head as if giving a silent command.

Like that, just as he turned his back and started walking away, a fist came flying. The knuckles of the woman's palm cracked against your cheeks with a thud. You had groaned but didn't dare say a word. You glanced back up at her through the lingering bruises. "Are the rest of you crows at the crow club?"

"Why do you want to know?" You should have known where speaking back was going to get you.

Just as quickly as them words had left your lips, another punch came crashing at your jaw. And you struggled with that one. It erupted a groan as you settled within the pain that plagued you. "What about Kaz? He's the boss right?" She continued to interrogate.

You gazed over at her through stern, mean eyes. "You can punch me till I'm bloody, I'm not telling you anything."

This time, a punch didn't follow. Instead, you watched as the woman wandered around the chair you were glued to. She walked over to a side table, retrieving a small box. It wasn't until she opened the box that you grew nervous. There were several tools. Many of them rusty and blunt but in the hand of your kidnapper, still rather painful. She took one of the bluntest knives, one that had rusted so much it was burnt and brown. With that in hand, she wandered around once again.

"Anything you went to get off your chest now?" Asked the woman.

You could feel your breath itch in your throat, feeling her shadow hover right over your shoulder. It was daunting but didn't stop you as you quipped back, "Do your worse." And she certainly did.

She took the blade. At first, it brushed over the prickles of your skin, then, within a flash, you felt it jab into your shoulder. With that, you let out a piercing scream. The metal seeming to have shot so deep into your body it felt as if it were scraping against your bone. You didn't have to look to know it was bleeding. By the time the weapon had dug into your skin, the blood was dripping down towards your elbow.

The woman took a firm grip over the blade. With every single, slight touch it was painful. Just the brush of her fingers against the metal had felt agonising. So when she took a hold of it, a groan escaped your lips. She leaned over the bleeding shoulder, "You're gonna tell me what I need to know." Her voice was a whisper but it felt deafening in your ear.

Your breath was uneven and, just as you were about to catch it, she shoved the blade down further. Another scream erupted from your lips. This one louder and much more of an echo. And once more, she leaned over your shoulder, "Where does Kaz keep the money?"

Once you let out a sigh, you looked over at her, "I'm not telling you." You were stern in your words even if everything in your body already wanted to give in.

This was what being a crow was. It was criminal. It was getting beating up and getting bloody, but it was dealing with that. And so you would. At least, you would try. Because when she even grasped the metal, you were regretting your decisions. "Wait, wait!" She stopped; so did the pain. You took a breath, trying to gather your thoughts that the pain had cut through. "Please..." You couldn't imagine anything worse than another touch from that blade.

She asked the same question: "Where does Kaz keep the money?"

A long moment followed. One in which you knew you were going to give in, even if it killed you to betray Kaz like that. Your fellow crow, your boss, the man who had took you in when you had nothing. "There's a safe. It's under his desk in the office. The office is upstairs in the crow club." Like it was nothing, you spilled everything.

"See," She paused and in one swift movement, tore the knife from your skin. Another scream erupted. But it was the last one you would have to endure. "Wasn't that difficult, was it?" She had no idea what you were in for with Kaz now. "Now, when's this office left empty?"

You knew this plan was so this gang could get their sticky fingers on Kaz's money. And maybe you should have cared more to not spill all this information considering Kaz paid your wage. But alas, the fear of the pain was seeming to pull the words from your lips, "When there's-"

You didn't know why or what had happened at first, only that your kidnapper had fallen right in front of you. Then you spotted the knife in her back. You almost couldn't believe it at first. Well, not until your head snapped up to figure that was wandering from the doorway. "Inej?" The woman removed the scarf that masked her face as she rushed forward without another word.

She went around straight away, her hands reaching out and untying the rope which bound you. "Where is she?" Came another voice which boomed through the building. A wave of guilt passed you as you came to recognise the voice: Kaz.

"In here!" Replied Inej.

And like that, the man came through. His eyes pooled with sympathy, completely unaware of how you had just betrayed him. Not that he had noticed. In that moment, Kaz had never felt such relief. Over the period you had been lost, he hadn't felt himself breathe. He sent Inej and Jesper left, right and centre until finally, they got a hit. A rival gang that barely hand enough bullets to take down the three of them. He couldn't care who had taken you. It could have been the king himself and he would have still swug through battlefields, explored every inch of this world, whatever it took just so it could get to you.

Now, with your eyes interwinding with his, he rushed to you. Inej had only just let the rope fall from your body and it was suddenly being engulfed by Kaz. At first, it had shocked you. Then you soon settled into the comfort which was ever so familiar. With your head situated on his shoulder, your gaze glanced to the doorway, finding Jesper stood there. He too just as relieved, taking in the sight of his boss and his friend tangled within the comfort of one another. Jesper knew that Kaz needed that hug just as much as you - if not more so.

When he pulled away, you were met with that worrisome gaze which seemed to devour you. "Can you stand?" Kaz questioned.

And while you couldn't exactly give him a reply, you nodded and that was enough. His hands came around, taking a hold of your own as he helped you to your feet. He guided you towards the exit, not daring to let his touch fall. About half way there, you both stopped. There came the sound of a thud from behind you. It wasn't until you turned, finding that Inej had pulled her knife from your captor's back that you came to realise why. Of course she taken her knife back. No one chose to comment. Instead, you found that it was normal and continued walking, following Jesper.

By the time you made it home, the Crow Club was empty. It wasn't until later that you would come to realise Kaz had closed the club, needing the empty space to focus on finding you. Something he was thankful for now he had you in his arms.

Once you got home, Jesper pulled a chair up for you, forcing you to sit down as he tended to the wound plaguing your shoulder. Inej was sat on a table across from you, sharpening a knife while Kaz was standing behind you. And for a moment, it was all silent. All their attention was focused on you and the wound which was buried deep into your skin. Yes, it felt as bad as it looked. "You sure you're okay?" Inquired Jesper as he pulled your shirt down for easier access.

You didn't bare look at any of them, knowing the pity you were likely to receive. "I'll be fine, Jesper." You replied without much emotion in your tone.

Jesper gave a concerned look to the man standing behind you. Something of which you had missed, too busy replying the memory of the knife in your shoulder to take note. "Okay, okay." Jesper said. "But just know," He paused as he gathered his needle and thread, "This isn't going to be pretty."

You didn't look to him as you answered, "Just clean it up, will you?" You weren't so much in the mood for Jesper's playful mood like you normally were. "I don't want an infection and a stab wound."

And like that, Jesper's lips stayed sealed as he gathered his items, staring at the wound as he attempted the best way to tackle it without hurting you so much. "What were they asking you?" Inej spoke up as her head lifted to meet yours. "Did you tell them anything?" That question made you wince.

Jesper scoffed, "It doesn't matter anyway, you killed em'." He did make a good point there, something you were silently thankful for.

"And by the looks of things," At the sound of Kaz's voice, you finally turned, meeting his gaze which seemed attached to the wound sitting on your shoulder. "You didn't tell them anything either."

Had it not been for the groan that came with the needle making contact with your shoulder, you might have said. Instead, you sucked in a breath before letting out a, "Jesper." in a snap.

"Sorry," He apologised. "I did say its not gonna be pretty." And with that, he started to thread you skin back together like it were clay.

"Do you know who it was?" Inej continued to interrogate.

You thought on it for a moment but with your pounding head, you couldn't come up with much. "No." You said first. "He wore a suit like he was trying to be more fancy than he was."

"That's it?" Critiqued Jesper from behind you, his snooty tone prompting you to gaze over at him. "He was too fancy for a suit? That's what you gathered?"

Your glare turned deathly, "I was a bit preoccupied with the fact they kept punching and threatening me...obviously." You agrued.

"Careful," Said Jesper. "Don't forget whose holding this needle." The small prick of metal glistened in his hand before your eyes rolled, turning back around.

"So we have no idea who these people are." Kaz concluded as his gaze jumped from you, something which had only enhanced that ever-heavy feeling of guilt which burdened you.

A loud exhale, almost loud enough to be classed as a sigh, came from Inej, "Suppose it's a good thing you didn't tell them anything the-"

"Ouch!" Your voice shot through the club.

All eyes came to you and your burning stare that was being pointed at Jesper. He had slipped. Only the smallest of bits but still, you had snapped at him like that. And what was worse, your anger didn't die down. Instead, you stood abruptly, tearing the needle from further patching up your wound. "Y/n-" Kaz started but you were already walking away.

And without even looking back at him, you said, "I'm fine." And continued on, eager for some privacy where the guilt of spilling your guts didn't linger.

You escaped into your room, taking in the air like it was fresh, like it wasn't intoxicated like the rest of the club was. The room was lonely, and it was empty, free of anyones opinion and judgement. With tears pricking your pupils, you wandered over to the mirror. Your shoulder took all your attention. Sure, Jesper had sewed up about half of it but the wound was still sharp and deep into your skin. It's edges ridgid and screaming to be tended to.

With a huff, you pulled your t-shirt back up, groaning at the pain which came with the contact. And you continued on with shakey legs and even shakier breath as if you could continue on. You soon came to realise it wouldn't be that easy.

The door clicked open and you tensed, suddenly appreciating your back was facing the door. The tears were easily about to slip from your eyes and that was something no one needed to see. "I told you I was fine." You said, sucking in a sharp breath that you preyed gave you the air you needed to not let those tears fall.

"You're not meant to be." Only then did you come to realise the intruder in your room was none other than Kaz Brekker. And his voice was enough to prompt you to turn, meeting his soft features which made you weak. "Whatever you went through, it was always going to be painful."

He had no idea what was truly the cause of your pain. "I've been beaten before Kaz." You argued.

He took a cautious step into the room, knowing you could force him out at any given moment. "None of us expect you to be okay, this wasn't just any normal beating, Y/n." He went on, providing comfort which would normally be accepted. But considering he didn't know the full story, it was a struggle to accept it.

Until, in a rushed decision, you gambled your whole relationship with Kaz. "I don't care that they hurt me, that they punched, stabbed, bled me like I was a doll. I couldn't get less." That part was true. "But I just- I had to."

Kaz's brows knitted, "Had to what?" He queried.

"I had to tell them." Like that, the words hung in the air. "I had to tell them everything." The tears finally started slipping until they were streaming down your cheeks.

The moment Kaz caught sight of that, he rushed over. And just as needy as before, he engulfed your body into his own. "Hey, it's okay." He assured. "All that matters is that you're safe."

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lookwhatyoumademedohaha · 1 year

Text

The One Where Kaz Brekker Considers His Life Choices

Summary: Kaz Brekker is a deadly Barrel Boss who has the most dangerous task at hand... To deal with the chaotic shenanigans that you pull with the Crows.

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Reader, Six of Crows X Platonic! Reader.

Warnings: Lots of humour, fluff, chaotic energy of our Crows.

A/N: So I'm down with a terrible cold and fever and in my delirium, I came up with this story inspired by John Oliver and B99. I hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts in the comments. Happy reading!

"Dammit." muttered Kaz under his breath as he searched for your face through the Crow Club because he was a hundred percent certain that you were responsible for his present headache as he controlled himself "No, I love Y/N, she's my friend, she's my friend who is good at her job..."

Kaz was fairly certain he looked like a lunatic but finally he spotted you at the Crows private table laughing with your friends.

He marched up to you with his stony expression as he overheard Jesper announcing his plans "I think I might customize my revolvers."

Wylan immediately interjected "What? How are you going to do that?"

"I was thinking really bright colours like purple,pink and orange to match my outfits and maybe engrave my name." said Jesper thoughtfully while all of them rolled their eyes and laughed "I mean, it's going to be so much fun!"

"Oh yes! So fun! Absolutely fun!" you mocked Jesper in a high pitched tone as you smirked at him "Or when you commit murderer, a grave oversight on your part. Good news Chief, we found Fahey's revolvers at the murder scene."

Jesper stuck out his tongue at you childishly while you replied sarcastically "We do not know what motivated him to go on a killing spree but he had a lot of fun with it."

Kaz stood behind you "Y/L/N"

"Ah Kaz, you're looking very happy today." said Nina brightly as she greeted him infuriatingly "Let us guess what happened based on your facial expression. You got offered a job with a lot of Kruge and high stakes?"

Inej joined in the fun "Pekka Rollins finally died?"

Maththias' smirked "He found a life of charity and prayer."

Everyone nodded in agreement and Wylan grinned "He's about to reveal that he's actually Nikolai Lantsov!"

"Saints! Wylan, he's about to reveal that he's secretly married to me and has secretly raised my baby!" cried Jesper dramatically as Kaz thought of resignation from this life.

"All of these options is probable. But I know the Captain. He's having a meltdown." you announced dramatically exasperating Kaz who hadn't got one word in since this conversation started.

Matthias looked at you pointedly and then at Kaz "What are you talking about? The demjin looks the same as he always does."

"To you perhaps. But I have mastered the art of reading his emotions. His lips are tightly sealed, he's gripping onto his cane as if he's trying to control himself and he's blinking at his three second intervals as opposed to his nine." you observed Kaz closely with a knowing smile surprising Kaz who was tongue tied and speechless that you could easily read him "Therefore, he's having a meltdown!"

Wylan intervened as he shook his head at you fondly "That seems excessive."

You grinned "No, I'm impressive."

Nina knew that you were telling the truth based on Kaz' heartbeat she heard as she queried sweetly "So Waffles, is everything okay?"

Kaz glared at Nina and then at you "No. I'm having a meltdown."

Wylan and Matthias gasped at you as if you were a Saint "Wow."

Kaz decided to speak before anyone could interfere "Who the hell is responsible for the mess?"

"You have to be more specific about which mess given out daily life experience." retorted Nina sassily.

Kaz eyebrows furrowed deeply "Alright. The slogan outside the Crow Club and the Slat? Who did it?"

There was silence as everyone pointed toward you who looked unremorseful as you smirked at Kaz who was fuming in rage as he turned his dangerous gaze upon you "As I suspected. Now you better have a goddamn good reason as to why you would do such a silly, stupid, idiotic act?"

You looked completely calm for a person who was about to feel Kaz Brekker's wrath "Clear communication and marketing to our customers."

Kaz couldn't quite comprehend what you said as he stuttered "Excuse me?"

"Well Kaz, to tell you the truth, people in Ketterdam weren't really clear on where we were coming from... you know our main objective as to why we steal,maim and kill so much." you explained nonchalantly and calmly that made Kaz feel as if he was the idiot in this conversation. "So we put up a slogan to educate everyone in Ketterdam, our objective in pursuing destruction and crime."

"It's rather a genius slogan, Y/N." praised Inej with a kind smile "The ones we came up with were sloppy and funny but Y/N understood the assignment."

Kaz realized that you had come up with the goddamn slogan yourself as he literally let out all his exasperation out "Yes but did the slogan of the Dregs have to be BECAUSE DEATH IS THE UNDENIABLE FUEL OF LIFE!'"

"I think it's very classy, professional and straightforward conveying the necessary message." commented Matthias with honest admiration for your work and grinned at how red the demjin was "People won't like it but at least they'll understand and respect where you come from."

All of them exchanged mischievous glances as they saw Kaz close to spontaneously combusting and had to hand it to you. This was the best prank they played on Kaz and honestly at this point, you should be appointed as the Prank master General of the Dregs.

"I can't believe you would do something so stupid!" burst out Kaz in despair and anger.

You remained completely unfazed while Nina, Matthias, Wylan, Jesper and Inej snickered in unison "Can't you?"

"Shut it! I know you lot encouraged her to do this." snapped Kaz in frustration as he pointed at the rest of his friends who grinned

Kaz looked at you once again as he took a deep breath "And why did you place this slogan in bright and glittering colours as bright as Jesper's irritating fashion sense?"

"Because people are more attracted to bright colours and like glitter. Like if I saw that message in black, I'd be afraid but since it's in pretty bold sparkling colours, everyone kind of digs it." you said smartly while the rest of the Crowd clapped proudly for you "They are not like afraid. They are more like... Oh my god Kaz Brekker is about to murder me. Go right ahead Kazzle Dazzle, just whack me -"

"Alright thank you, that's enough." interrupted Kaz hastily and briskly because he did not want to hear the end of the sentence.

Amidst the Crows loud laughter, Jesper hooted "They're like... I'd die for Kaz Brekker and honestly he'll let me. Brutal!"

"The way I consider murder illegal but if Kaz Brekker is doing it, make me the victim." replied Wylan with a teasing smirk.

"CHOKE ME TO DEATH DADDY BREKKER, HALLELUJAH!" you yelled loudly as you raised your glass while Kaz was completely red in the face, embarrassed by his friends drunk shenanigans and chaotic energies.

"Daddy... It's a kink isn't it? It's like a paternal thing?" explained Nina with a wink to Maththias' who had inquired about it.

"Alright Freud." retorted Kaz rolling his eyes at Nina who laughed as he hoped to shut down this conversation quickly "I don't understand why you chose that particular slogan. It sounds like an excerpt from a letter of a serial killer!"

You looked at Kaz with a deadpanned expression "How many killings does it take for a person to be a serial killer?"

Kaz was slightly taken aback but answered nevertheless "Er... Five?"

"Great. We're all serial killers." sighed Jesper dramatically as he looked pointedly at Kaz who obviously had the highest body count.

"Not me." stated Wylan with an innocent smile.

"Bitch please!" chorused everyone together in disbelief as they glared at Wylan who was hiding a grin and you added "You have the second highest body count and you're relatively new."

Jesper grinned as he placed a kiss on Wylan "Well that's my man! He's spectacular at everything he does!"

Kaz gave up. There was no point talking to you.

"Fine. Those slogans are to be taken down tonight -" began Kaz when Rotty came toward them

"Sorry to interrupt boss but there are more than eighteen people and some other gang members queued outside waiting to be initiated as part of the Dregs."

You smirked into your drink as you heard Kaz retort "What is the meaning of this?"

"Uh... The new slogan is real popular boss. People want to be part of the Dregs because we showed them out vision and they like it." said Rotty vibrating in excitement "Also, the customers are pouring in more boss! I think it's the glitter they like -"

"Thank you Rotty. I'll attend to it. Dismissed." said Kaz as he felt your infuriating and insufferable smirk burn a hole through his skull.

"Oh Captain... I believe it's time to say those very special words." you crooned sweetly as you watched Kaz' lips twitch once.

"Y/L/N... you're a genius." stated Kaz in a deadpanned expression and watched in amusement as you nearly choked on your drink while the rest of the Crows were checking their drinks for toxin trips.

You squealed in delight "OH MY GOD! YOU ACTUALLY SAID IT! IT'S REAL!"

"I heard you practicing it to yourself in your room last night." said Kaz calmly and deadpanned as he smirked at how your enthusiasm slightly faded but you were still grinning.

You nodded "That makes more sense. So are you like now going to give me a raise, or a -"

"You're an idiot, Y/N." said Kaz with a subtle exasperated and amused smile and walked away.

"THANK YOU? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY THANK YOU CROWFATHER!" you yelled out loud in exasperation and amusement as everyone laughed.

Inej smiled "Honestly, I didn't expect the prank to turn into something profitable."

Jesper frowned slightly "Yeah it kind ruins it all, doesn't it?"

"Never fear my friends. Kaz is a prankster's delight." you replied with a delightful smile, mischief glinting in your eyes.

Before anyone could ask what you meant, Kaz Brekker's mad voice rumbled across the Crow Club "Y/N Y/L/N! WHAT ARE ALL THESE CONGRATULATORY LETTERS I'VE RECEIVED FROM DIGNITARIES ALL OVER THE WORLD ABOUT THE FACT THAT I AM TO BE MARRIED TO THAT STRUTTING PEACOCK ZOYA NAZALENZKY AT THE CHURCH OF BARTER IN KETTERDAM IN TWO DAYS?"

"What?" exclaimed Jesper in amazement

Nina, Wylan, Inej and you exchanged amused stares "Who's going to tell him Zoya is in on this and is actually coming here tonight?"

"You know what, never change, Y/N." said Matthias looking at you affectionately and then looked alarmed because he saw the demjin marching toward you "But you better run or you'll be in trouble with the demjin!"

"Trouble?" you laughed as you winked at your friends "You're only in trouble if you are caught!"

Kaz caught you before you could flee "Gotcha!"

"I'm in trouble." you mumbled and then grinned widely at Kaz Brekker who looked like a bull who had just been kicked as you bit him making him let go of you and you took off running "Congratulations on your nuptials, Captain! You're going to be a lovely bride!"

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a-reverii · 7 months

Text

" greed bows to me. it is my servant and my lever. "

━KAZ BREKKER, dirtyhands

#꒰꒰ ˙✧˖° 📷 ⋆｡˚ ─ 𝗺𝘆 𝗺𝗼𝗼𝗱𝗯𝗼𝗮𝗿𝗱𝘀 ꒱꒱#my : moodboards #my : kaz brekker moodboard #kaz brekker moodboard #kaz brekker #shadow and bone moodboard #shadow and bone aesthetic #six of crows aesthetic #six of crows moodboard #kaz brekker moodboards #moodboard #dark moodboard #character moodboard #six of crows duology #six of crows #kaz brekker fic #kaz brekker x reader #yandere kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagine

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jahayla-parker · 1 year

Note

Kaz Brekker and Mutual Ma$terba$tion.

Be My Hands: Kaz Brekker x Reader *#~

18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!

If you’re tagged it’s simply because I copied the tag list for Kaz.

Obviously I can’t control your actions but if you’re not 18+ do not interact with this post or Tumblr can get me in trouble!

(If you’d like to not be tagged in future smutty/spicy Kaz fics, please let me know!)

Description: 3.6k wc, smut/spicy fic with Kaz. Cannon Kaz, still has a touch aversion but finds himself and his girlfriend needing release so they compromise by verbally guiding the other while they be each other’s hands. (Kaz style aftercare featured)

Warnings: sexual content, mentions of touch aversions (anxiety & related notes), 18+ Only, cursing

Minors DNI, 18+ Only below the break; sexual content present

Kaz crumpled yet another piece of paper and tossed it to the side, still unable to collect his thoughts.

The heist went sideways hours ago and he hadn’t been able to figure out why or how he should’ve been able to prevent it.

It had never taken him this long before, he was usually done within a few minutes and spent the rest of the night sulking.

Meaning it really shouldn’t take him long tonight since it was only a minor deviation and not much of a set back.

He should’ve been able to figure this out hours ago.

However, y/n had never not been in his office after a night like this.

Kaz sensed things were tense between them lately but since he didn’t know why he elected to let it blow over.

As he sat alone in his messy office tonight, he regretted that decision.

Clearly that was another plan he made that failed.

Begrudgingly he rose from his desk, bracing himself on his cane as he walked to the door.

If she wasn’t coming to him, he’d go to her.

Kaz lingered outside her door as his mind raced to find the best way to greet her.

She was already mad, but he didn’t know why and therefore which side of him would be most helpful here.

If he let Kaz Rietveld greet her and she’d been mad about one of his triggers or weaknesses that would make it worse.

Not that y/n ever got upset let alone mad over that, but Kaz anxiously awaited the day he felt was inevitable.

If he let Dirtyhands Brekker greet her and she was mad he’d been too distant or mundane it would surely piss her off more.

He sighed, annoyed at himself for even allowing himself to get so attached to her that he cared about these things.

Kaz tapped his cane against her door twice and awaited a response.

He heard some shuffling around before y/n opened the door for him.

Her hair was a bit disheveled from seemingly running her hands through it, but it was clear she’d tried to fix it before opening the door.

“Love,” he greeted briefly, the versions of himself compromising.

She smiled nervously at him which made him sigh.

“May I?” He asked, tipping the crow’s head end of his cane in the direction of her bedroom chambers.

A room in which she rarely ever was, having usually been sleeping in his room while he worked.

Kaz watched her throat tighten as she swallowed before nodding.

He took inventory of her room, the way he would any room he’d stepped into where he felt unsure of his surroundings.

He’d been in here before but tonight he was unsure where he stood with her and hoped the room would provide him some clues.

Y/n’s bedding was wrinkled and the poorly made bed was evidence she’d futilely tried tucking the sheets back into place before letting him in.

Kaz tightened his grip on the crow’s head, despising himself for whatever he did that prompted her to chose to sleep here instead.

Sure it was her room, but he couldn’t recall the last time she’d actually slept in it.

“Kaz…” she mumbled, standing a solid distance away, “you look like you have something on your mind”.

Kaz pressed his lips into a tight line as he turned to face her, but was unable to look into her eyes and ask his question, “are you mad at me?”.

Her silence caused him to turn his gaze upwards from the floor and to her face.

He watched the shocked look on her face turn to confusion before she shook her head, “No Kaz. I’m not mad at you”.

“Y/n, do not lie to me” he grumbled.

“I’m not” she sighed.

He stared at her and took a step closer to her, noticing how her body tensed when he did, “you’ve been distancing yourself from me. Yet, you claim you are not mad?”

Y/n quickly looked to the far wall as if one of her pinned up photos was suddenly more interesting than this conversation.

Yet, in a whispered voice she still spoke, “I’m not mad, Kaz”.

Kaz squinted, taking a step back to create more distance for her, “are you afraid of me then?”

She snapped her head towards him, a concoction of confusion, shock, anger, and guilt storming her face, “of course not!”

“Then tell me” he ordered, closing his eyes for half a second to compose himself, “if you’re not suddenly scared of me, tell me why you are distancing from me if you’re not mad”.

“I…I’m… not mad… I umm.. I’m..” she mumbled, biting her lip.

Kaz gave her a concerned look and took a cautious step towards her again, continuing when she didn’t look away.

“You’re not mad, but you are… what?” He asked calmly, a foot from her now.

“Frustrated” she whispered.

“What?” He repeated, not sure he heard her correctly.

“Frustrated!” She blurts loudly, looking away and pulling in her hair, “I’m frustrated, Kaz”.

“Frustrated is synonymous to mad, love” Kaz sighed harshly.

“Not that way” she said, shifting her gaze around rapidly.

“I don’t und-“ he stopped, realization hitting him.

He’d read the signs wrong.

Her hair wasn’t a mess due to running her hands through it out of anger.

His eyes shifted to her bed.

The bedsheets weren’t wrinkled and a mess because she’d been sleeping in them.

“Were you just touching yourself?” Kaz asked, the tension in the room thickening.

He noticed she refused to look at him, so he gently tapped her toe with the bottom of his cane.

She still didn’t look at him but nodded minimally.

Kaz felt his face heat up and an uncomfortable feeling form in his body at her confession.

Well, it wasn’t the feeling that was uncomfortable, it was the knowledge he couldn’t act on it.

The knowledge that he’d found himself needing sexual relief on numerous occasions with relation to her and not being able to act on it due to his touch aversion.

He hated that he put her in that same position and also that he couldn’t offer either of them the release they both needed and desired.

The biggest irritation he had with his aversion was that his body still held the capacity for desire and sexual attraction but he couldn’t act on it.

He hated that he wanted more than anything to be able to take her here and now but the thought also made him nauseous.

“Show me” Kaz said faintly, his brain body desperate for a compromise.

“What?” She squeaked, her eyes finally landing on his dark and fully dilated pupils.

“Show me what you like” he repeated, taking a slow step towards her bed.

“Kaz, what?” She asked breathlessly as her eyes widened.

He looked at the ground in guilt, “I cannot give you what you want”.

Y/n began to interrupt but he held his gloved hand up to signal her to stop.

“But, I’d like to see what it is you want” He said, his voice shaking.

He wasn’t sure he could handle this.

Sure she’d be touching herself, not him touching her.

But, he felt he might combust watching her get herself off by doing things to herself he could only dream of doing to her one day.

“Kaz. We don’t have to do this” She offered kindly, sensing his nervousness.

“I want to. I want to watch. Touch yourself for me. Be my hands” Kaz declared, his pants already feeling tighter as he admitted this desire.

Y/n took a shaky breath but nodded and made her way to the bed, unceremoniously crawling onto it.

She wasn’t opposed to it, but she knew intimacy was intense for Kaz and she didn’t want to push.

Y/n bit her lip as Kaz moved to stand beside her bed, as close as he’d allow himself to be.

“Kaz, I know this is really vulnerable for you, so we can take this as slow as you need and stop whenever. You’re in control here, okay?” She promised, staring into his eyes.

Kaz’s eyes softened for a moment -as he offered her a small smile and nodded-, before they shifted back to their dark state with a recently displayed lust tinting them.

He’d seen her naked before, having changed in front of him countless times at this stage in their relationship, but this was different; for both of them.

She felt her heart quicken, her hands trembling with nerves as she shyly started to lower her pants once again.

“Love, don’t be nervous, if you need, I’ll guide you through it. Just be my hands” Kaz heard himself state, surprising them both.

Y/n took a deep breath of air and nodded rapidly.

Kaz smirked, his eyes closing lustfully as he let them both catch their breath before beginning.

When he opened them, his pupils dilated again seeing she’d stripped out of her pants and panties, her lower half now fully exposed to him.

“Fuck” he breathed out, letting a rare curse slip.

She blushed but kept her eyes on his with a small smile on her lips.

“Shirt” he said, clarifying when his request was met with confusion, “your top too”.

Y/n smirked at him as she slowly removed her shirt to display her bare breasts before him, practically making him hard right away.

He swallowed thickly, adjusting his stance awkwardly, “you are perfect”.

Kaz learned long ago she loved him complimenting her and while he’d let that vulnerable side of him out more often since that discovery, this was new.

He’d reassured her how beautiful she was the first time he’d seen her naked body, needing to help her patch up a cut on her rib and thigh after a heist.

But this, this time, she was laying here before him, not because she was hurt or getting ready for bed.

Instead, she was all but presenting herself to him; a vulnerable and important moment for them both.

Kaz stared into her eyes, making sure she was comfortable with what they were about to do.

When he felt confident she was, he shut his eyes and softly said, “show me what you were doing”.

She nodded, looking down at her waist, her hand moving towards her center.

Y/n gazed off into space as she slowly ran her pointer finger down her pubic mound towards her lips.

Kaz eyes fixed on her finger, wanting so badly for it to be his own touching her that way.

He took a shaky breath at the thought of his son on her’s making her immediately stop and stare at him with concern.

He shook his head to calm her worries, “Don’t stop. Just, talk to me during it”.

She nodded, remembering how he’d cling to the sound of her voice when anxious.

“So,” she said with a breathy shyness, “ when I find myself needing a release, I start with this”.

Kaz focused on her voice and explanation while his eyes studied her demonstration and instructions with such intensity it was as if her pleasure were a heist he must successfully complete.

After a few minutes Kaz had become more comfortable and realized the bulge in his pants was already a step ahead of him.

He blindly reached for her desk chair, knowing he should sit.

But he couldn’t find it without looking away from her, and he wasn’t able to do that.

Kaz stared as her thighs clenched together, firmly trapping her hand between them.

"Spread your legs. I want to see how turned on I make you” he said, looking from her seized legs to her dazed eyes.

Her lips parted slightly as she complied, her hand now being the only thing blocking his view of her full anatomy.

“More” he said, his deep voice betraying his pleading, as did his gloved hand faintly placed on her closest knee.

“I love hearing you moan” Kaz blurted, pressing his hand firmly against his throbbing shaft through his pants.

She looks at him through hooded eyes, the fingers on her left hand still inserted into herself.

“Curl your finger” Kaz advised, an idea forming in his mind.

Y/n smirked lazily at his newly formed scheming face as she followed his suggestion.

“No, no, your ring finger” he corrected, his piercing eyes that were frozen on her swollen and flushed bare skin around her vulva, unsatisfied with the choice she made.

“Oh saints!” She cried out, her head slamming back into her bed aggressively.

Kaz felt his dick twitch as he proudly relished in her loud moans and watched her hips lift off the bedsheets.

“Mmm, that’s it, good girl” Kaz said, his voice dark.

Y/N’s eyes flitted closed as she twirled her hooked finger around inside of her walls, trying to not be so loud as she didn’t want to risk the others hearing.

“Mmm, come on darling” he whined, “let me hear you.”

She stirred slightly before pushing her fingers in deeper, moaning pleasurably as her vaginal opening stretched even more.

“That’s it” he grinned, his sight clouding a bit as he unconsciously began stroking his length through his dress pants, “I want to hear you say my name”.

Y/n needed a moment, so she slowly pulled her now soaking wet fingers from her vagina and rested her hand on her stomach, smirking at him.

“You what?” She teased, pretending she couldn’t hear his request.

His vision cleared as he lightly glared at her, “you heard me”.

She hummed, dancing her fingers tauntingly over her exposed skin from her neck down to her hips, “I don’t know that I did… Kaz”.

Kaz’s head snapped to the side quickly, his hand reaching out and pulling the desk chair to him.

He sat down just as his knees threatened to buckle from the tension between his legs and the sight of y/n sprawled teasingly before him.

Kaz knew he wasn’t going to win this, especially in his current state, so he repeated himself, “I need to hear you say my name”.

She smirked at him, “Kaz”.

He threw his head back in frustration with so much force he was surprised the chair didn’t break under him, “you know what I mean”.

Y/n loved seeing him like this, over her.

So she decided to drag it out a bit more, smiling innocently as she asked, “no, can you elaborate what it is you need me to do, Kaz?”.

Kaz clenched his jaw, returning his head to its normal position and watching the devilish glimmer in her eyes, “don’t push it, you’re the one who needed this. I can leave any moment”.

Y/n saw through his bluff, tilting her head sideways as she pushed her self up until her arms were supporting her back and half raised position.

“Kaz, honey, you can pretend all you want” she winks, bringing her still wet fingers up to her face and tracing the outline of her lips, “but I can see the mess you're making of yourself”.

He froze in confusion, following her gaze as she stared at his lap.

Kaz felt his cheeks double in temperature as he saw he’d practically ruined his dress pants.

The material now wet and clinging to him.

He closed his eyes and sighed.

“It’s okay Kaz, but I don’t think you’re quite done” she whispered sweetly, “why don’t I help you?”

Kaz stared up at her, his eyes soft but jaw tense, “I-… I can’t… yet.. I-“.

She shook her head, “I’m not going to touch you honey, I promise”.

He nodded appreciatively.

“You wanted me to moan your name?” She asked delicately.

He forced a weak glare making her laugh softly, “I can do that. But first, remove your pants”.

Kaz hesitated for a moment before standing enough to lower them to the floor.

“Now your underwear, the poor things are very clearly in both of our ways” she added, Kaz sighing tranquilly as he pushed the hem of his underwear towards the ground and let his penis fly upwards when it was free.

“Now, cup one hand around yourself, from underneath” y/n said, her gaze never leaving his erection.

Kaz obeyed, shivering as his cold leather glove wrapped around his length.

Y/n moaned lightly, Kaz’s eyes jumping to watch as her fingers walked down her bare body to her clit.

“With the other, rub the tip” she whispered seductively.

Kaz didn’t hesitate to do so and mirrored her moans with his own as he did.

“Look at me” Kaz rasped as her gaze has shifted to her waist.

“Oh, fu-“ y/n sighed, the knot in her stomach growing.

Kaz clenched his jaw more tightly as he continued masterbating as she had requested, but secretly trying not to climax yet.

He was fairly certain the leather in his gloves was going to cause his shaft to be raw by the end of the night but he couldn’t care less.

“Cum for me” he ordered sharply, not sure how much longer he could resist his release.

Y/n sensed his predicament and puckered her lips to blow him a kiss, “just let go Kaz”.

Kaz shook his head, but as she resumed circling her clit he found his resistance weaning.

“More pressure” he advised her, having made mental note of what seemed to work best for her earlier in the night.

“Ka-Kaz,” she moaned, her eye lids fluttering as she pushed her thumb harder against her clitoris.

At that, Kaz’s self preservation disintegrated in an instant.

“Oh” he moaned, his voice breathy, “fuck”.

He threw his head back, his neck bending as the back of his head rested between his shoulder blades.

“Don’t stop doing what I taught you. You’re being my hands, remember? Keep moving” She ordered, a smirk painting her tone.

“Y-y/n” Kaz shakingly mumbled, his eyes glazed over, “fuck, you’re… fuck”.

Kaz was certain it was the least intelligible thing he’d ever spoken but the bliss he felt kept him from caring.

He wiped the white cream from himself and the bedspread next to her, too relaxed to be embarrassed over the mess he made and how vulnerable he was.

“Shit, Kaz” she groaned, her lips curling at the ends as she watched him.

“Cum for me” he repeated his earlier request.

Y/n chuckled softly, tiredly bringing her hand back down to her wet lips.

“Kaz” she moaned softly, her eyes glimmering as she held eye contact with him.

Kaz smiled faintly, lifting his cane.

He delicately tapped the side of the crow’s beak to y/n’s swollen clitoris twice before lowering his cane back to the floor.

She shivered at the cold sensation before her eyes darkened as she looked back over at him.

He nodded with a smirk on his lips, “keep your eyes open and on me”.

Y/n silently obeyed, her fingers picking up their pace.

Kaz’s smirk grew as he watched her desire increase.

He intentionally ran a hand through his hair, having been clued in that it was a turn on for her.

She grinned and shook her head weakly, letting him know she knew what he was doing.

Triggering another turn on, Kaz held eye contact with her as he smirked more before licking his lip, “so unfathomably irresistible”.

Kaz lips shifted into a cocky grin as she loudly whimpered his name, her back arching towards the ceiling and legs trembling.

“That’s it darling, just keep being my hands” he encouraged, watching as she softly stroked herself as she rode out her orgasm.

“While I must point out that we could have started this much earlier had you not hid, I do prefer the location” Kaz stated, handing her a towel from her dresser.

“Oh?” She asked, her voice still faint from her climax.

“It means I don’t need to clean my sheets” he smirked teasingly.

She scoffed, feigning offense.

“Hmm, well, I suppose we’ll see if the door will be unlocked next time or not” she teased, delicately cleaning herself up.

Kaz squinted at her as he pulled his trousers back up.

“Fine, I can begin washing my sheets” he complied.

“You haven’t been washing them?!” She gasped, wanting to smack his shoulder.

Kaz chuckled, a laugh he’d only allow the person currently before him to ever hear, “Of course I’ve cleaned them; you sweat in your sleep”.

Y/n’s jaw dropped as she stared at him in shock, somehow mortified over the idea of her sleep sweating in his bed, despite what just happened in here between them.

Kaz laughed loudly, his dimples showing as he shook his head, “darling, it was a joke. You’re perfect”.

Y/n placed the towel on the other side of her, turning to face Kaz as she tugged on her blanket.

He smiled tenderly at her - another behavior only she’d witness- before standing to help pull her blanket over her body the way she wanted.

His gloved hands were sure to never touch her skin during the act.

But, as he set the fabric over her bare chest, he sucked in a deep breath before he slid his gloved fingers under her arm to tuck in the blanket.

He’d touched her skin more directly than that by now, but after the intensity of the moment immediately prior, he didn’t want to risk ruining the intimate moment they shared by taking a chance.

She smiled up at him, her body relaxed and eyes heavy.

Kaz nodded as he sat back down in his chair.

“Kaz” She whispered, waiting until he nodded again for her to continue.

“Do I swear in my sleep?” She asked, making him laugh again.

He rolled his eyes, “I honestly would not know. It’s my obsessive need to stick to a routine that prompts me to wash our sheets, not you “.

Her shoulders lowered as she nodded happily, “okay. So your room next time?”.

Kaz smirked, resting his gloved palm a few centimeters from her arm, “as long as you’ll continue to be my hands for now, we can do whichever room”.

“If you’ll be my hands taking care of you, I’ll be yours” y/n promised, grinning tiredly at him.

Kaz nodded in agreement, “the deal is the deal. Now, rest”.

Y/n grinned at him once more before letting her eyes close, peacefully falling asleep.

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sileaz · 1 year

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Worn Blade, Act I ✦ K.B.

✦ Kaz Brekker x Fem! Reader

━━━━━ ( SYNOPSIS. ) She who was known throughout Ketterdam as 'The Blade' disappeared years ago, leaving behind the blood of many victims. Yet, tonight, some claim to have caught the silver glint of a well-known dagger. But this is impossible: no one escapes from Hellgate.

-ˋˏ masterlist ✦ next ˎˊ-

ACT I. « In The City of Hell, All Souls Burn » ━━━━━━━━━ ✦

In the city of vice and crime that was Ketterdam, rumours travelled fast. Words had no role to play in this intricate pattern. Everything was known in silence. It was in this very absence of words that the news emerged: its weight was all the heavier and suffocated those who, with their looks, carried the heavy task of knowing.

One knows but prefers to keep it quiet. Perhaps this would give too much importance to what one thinks is true; perhaps the mere fact of formulating it would make the information real. In silence, it remains a mirage, a blur that needs to be elucidated—or not.

It is in the silence that rumours are born in Ketterdam, and it is also there that they die.

For several hours, the narrow streets of the Barrel, shiny with dirt and rainwater, had been silent, but the eyes were full of life and fear—the mirrors of the soul never sparkle as much as when fear tints them with black and tears. You never feel more alive than when you are terrified. You cling to what moves you in the hope that it will protect you.

The whole neighbourhood came alive alongside this poisonous breath of life.

Silence had even infiltrated the establishments. The card games, alcoholic drinks and sounds of kruge being dropped on the tables were abandoned when the rumour circulated from glance to glance, from frown to frown, without ever being pronounced—not even when all the lips mutely formed those two cursed syllables.

A name on every mouth, on every tongue. A name that had been hanging in a protective silence for several hours, which Jesper Fahey broke into a thousand pieces when he returned to the Crow Club after his shift.

"Rumour has it that The Blade is back in Ketterdam.”

He must have spoken loudly for all the customers turned as one towards him, towards the one who had just broken the sacred mutism, and with it, made this rumour real. It was as if, by pronouncing the forbidden name, he was invoking it here. Some hiccupped. Others left without a word, abandoning behind the promise of money, so weak in the face of the horror and fear this particular name provoked in them.

Ignoring the chaos he had just shamelessly wreaked, the sharpshooter joined the table, hidden in the shadows of the most isolated corner. He dropped into the chair next to Wylan, whose frightened look would have been laughable if it didn't reflect that of Inej. There were only two Crows around the table. The others must have been busy with other things: Matthias and Nina, snogging; Kaz, counting his kruge.

“Impossible,” Inej finally protested after she had recovered from the initial shock of the news. “She was sent to Hellgate years ago.”

“Well it looks like she found a way out," Jesper shrugged as he said this, far too busy pouring himself a glass of whiskey to worry about the Suli girl's reactions. “Besides, does it really seem far-fetched to you? It's The Blade, after all.”

“Stop saying her name!” Wylan pleaded, while Inej prayed to the Saints quietly.

For a while, none of the three said a word.

“They say that some people have seen the reflection of her dagger in the harbour,” Jesper finally said, this time in a whisper. Even if he was not as superstitious as the other two, it would be wrong to say that the prospect of one of the greatest criminals once again roaming around Ketterdam did not send shivers down his spine.

The Blade had been a legend in Ketterdam, like all those who were privileged enough to have an alias. Few people had dealt with her directly. Those who had faced her dagger and sword were no longer around to tell the tale. She acted in the shadows and was only ever betrayed by the silver glint of her blade. All, however, knew her name and her actions. Protean and ubiquitous—both a reaper and a saviour, a criminal and a vigilante—she was an intangible omnipresence that not even the Wraith could capture.

Everywhere in Ketterdam you could still feel her presence, even after she had been sent to Hellgate. She had scented the cobblestones with the metallic smell of blood for so many years that some of them were still stained with crimson: a sordid reminder of the horror that this city could harbour.

“I don't know if it's true, but why wouldn't it be?” Jesper continued. “It's been years since we've heard anything about her, and suddenly she's back. If people wanted to play a bad joke, they would have done it long before.”

The silence did not deceive, nor did the looks. The sharpshooter had seen them. A simple rumour would have faded quickly as it passed from ear to ear and would have taken as many forms as misunderstandings allowed. Here, people stubbornly cloaked it in the secrecy that the absence of words guaranteed. More than anything, its content did not change. The person concerned was still The Blade. The place was still the harbour. The subject, still that damned silver reflection.

“If that's true, we'll have to be ready,” Inej said, to which Jesper nodded. What this return implied seemed to suddenly dawn on them and on their shoulders. Their postures stooped under the weight of a certain, gloomy future. The tension in the room could have been cut off, so tangible was it.

Wylan asked what she meant by that. Although he knew who The Blade was, he, like many others, did not know what had really happened that night, years before.

The Zemini poured himself another whiskey, a grimace contorting his face. Inej took it upon herself to answer the chemist.

“Don't you know? It was Kaz who turned her in to the Stadwatch."

“And if I were her,” Jesper continued. “The first thing I'd do after I ran away from Hellgate is get revenge on the guy who sent me there.”

━━━━━━━━━━ ✦

Years before, far from the current violence of the Barrel, in a city still tinged with vice, an event occurred that all who lived through it still remembered.

It was an evening lulled by the usual Ketterdam melody, the dissonant harmony of a blood-stained score. The fat laughter of drunken patrons, whose pockets full of kruge were just waiting to be emptied in the gambling games, echoed and shook the ribcages. In the dark alleys and filthy dead ends, nameless criminals indulged in their favourite pastime: violence, the cracking of whose bones acted like the percussion of a piece that the occasional gunshot would complete.

One false note, however, tarnished this melodious ensemble. The city was more agitated than usual. The Barrel district, too, had become infected by the strange atmosphere. The curious eyes of the inhabitants perched behind their windows were riveted on the main street, or rather on the bridge at the junction between West and East Stave, where numerous Stadwatch had positioned themselves and were waiting, weighted batons in hand. Passers-by, even with alcohol clouding their senses, frowned at the sight of them: motionless, defensive, ready to pounce on their prey. Others roamed the streets, blind to the usual heckling.

They had colonised Ketterdam and every corner of it.

Many were surprised at the look of determination on their faces. Stadwatch were normally simple-minded soldiers, easily led astray if promised the right amount of kruge. No one had ever seen them walk with such confidence. It was as if, before the astonished eyes of the crowd, they had metamorphosed into an invincible army.

They moved like men on a mission. No one, however, knew what this very mission entailed. Everyone, that is, except one person, whose irregular footsteps indicated his presence to the other souls on the street, curious to know what was going on. The crowd split in two, leaving a clear path for the one they called Dirtyhands.

At the same time, three Stadwatch emerged from an alleyway dragging a figure whose damp hair—no one was quite sure if it was blood or sweat—stained a face that Kaz Brekker, much younger then, knew to be distorted with rage.

There were murmurs. Some wondered who it was, others seemed to know but could not bring themselves to believe it. The silver dagger in the hand of the guard on the left, still soaked in blood, spoke for itself, however. There was no doubt about who this new prisoner was.

The Blade had been captured.

In Ketterdam, there were no 'Wanted' posters, for no one would read them, glued on the sticky walls of bars. The city was teeming with people with vices, which would only worsen from one soul to another, all of whom more or less deserved to rot in a cell. One would not see the bricks anymore if everyone who deserved to be arrested were to have a poster bearing their effigy.

Every criminal was wanted, but the most dangerous of them had a bounty on their head—a way for the Stadwatch to delegate their work to someone braver than them.

No one usually held it against them, though. Who would try to capture a Dirtyhands or a Blade? No one was foolish enough to even entertain the thought. In the Barrel, that ocean of unlaws and sins, the strongest ruled and remained untouchable, thus taking the shape of holy sinners.

At least until today.

“Move.”

The figure, who was much less impressive without her reputed weapon, was hit twice in the stomach. In pain, she bent over and didn't have time to get up before she was violently pushed by one of the soldiers. Never before had the Blade offered such a pathetic sight to see, there, slumped on the ground, her face in the mud. The one who was thought to be untouchable was no longer so. Kaz gloated, happy to see a rival without a dagger, the only silver touch on her being the rusty handcuffs.

Fierce eyes met his, as if over the din she had managed to hear his thoughts. It had only taken her a second to find him, in that shapeless crowd of black figures.

“You'll pay for this, Brekker.”

She knew.

The Stadwatch pushed her again.

“Shut up and move. You won't be so smart in Hellgate.”

There were hiccups. The whispering started again. Some even protested: no one, not even criminals, deserved to end up there.

Hellgate. Hell on Kerch. Hell on Earth.

Impassive to his sentence, the woman did not take her eyes off Kaz's, who intentionally let a slight smirk decorate his face. This had the desired reaction. She seemed to become enraged, enough to try to escape the guards' grip. One of them was sent to the ground and she crushed his hand, the dreadful cracking of which, even more than his cry of pain, triggered many shivers of fear in the spectators.

She managed to take several steps towards him, splitting the crowd in two, but was soon caught. The punch in her face destroyed any hope to escape. Spitting blood in the direction of her rival—a last satisfaction—, the woman finally let herself be dragged out of the barrel, towards the harbour, where a boat was awaiting to take her to Terrenjel.

“You are a dead man, Kaz Brekker! Do you hear me?! Dead!”

These were the last words of the Blade before she disappeared for years, rotting in a cell in the Old Prison tower and only coming out of it for Pekka Rollins’ weekly fights.

That night, five million kruge were placed on Kaz Brekker’s desk.

━━━━━━━━━━ ✦

“But why did he do that?” Wylan asked after Inej had told what had happened that famous evening. "Five million kruge is nothing to him, even back then.”

“We don't know,” Jesper shrugged. He sipped on his third drink. “He never wanted to tell us anything. This came as a surprise because, even though they were rivals, they tolerated each other.”

“Really?”

“Yes. They even worked together several times. She was useful to him. He was useful to her. For him to turn her in to the Stadwatch and reveal her identity… There was more than just kruge at stake.”

To this day, the questions bubbled up in their minds but stopped at the tip of their lips, never getting past that fleshy barrier for fear of reprisals. The few times Jesper or Inej had tried to broach the subject, Kaz had cut the conversation short, chasing them out of his office or leaving the room himself, always muttering insults.

The questions were doomed to go unanswered; the reason, killed and sealed forever in a small corner of the businessman's head—the place where hope for the truth died out.

“So, get some bombs ready," Jesper finished. “Because we're in deep shit too.”

“I—"

The cane that came crashing down on the table startled the three and sent a tidal wave through Jesper's whiskey glass. The crow’s head, momentarily blinded by a leather glove, flickered for a second under the chandelier, reminding the sharpshooter of the silver glow everyone was talking about in town.

Oh, how ironic life could be.

“Can any of you tell me why I can't hear kruge being spent? Why are the tables empty?”

“Hey boss! What do you mean emp-? Oh yes, indeed. That's funny,” Jesper laughed nervously, glancing around.

The Crow Club was never empty. Whether it was windy or rainy, the patrons would always crowd the entrance and drown in alcohol and gambling. The call of greed was a siren song that even the most cunning sailors could not resist.

“Don't play with me, Jesper. Explanations, now,” he snapped.

Wylan ran his index finger over one of the flaws in the table while Inej seemed to find the painting on the wall—one of their many finds from a heist—fascinating. If they saw the Zemini's look of distress and reproach, they did not show it, finding in these trivial details a refuge that would keep them away from the growing fury of their boss.

Traitors, Jesper thought.

He looked back at Kaz, whose furrowed brow made him gulped. If there was one thing that particularly annoyed their boss, it was seeing his business disrupted. Like any good businessman, Brekker became an excellent mathematician when there was money involved, especially losses. It was almost as if he and the kruge were one, as if he could sense their presence—or absence, in this case—whenever he walked into a room.

Every lost kruge was bad news, but an empty Crow Club? An absolute disaster.

What would be the truth, the very truth that had drained the room and with it, their pockets? A cataclysm, no doubt. Powerful, destructive: one of those natural disasters from which one never recovers.

Unwillingly, Jesper had become an oracle à la Delphi—the bearer of an evil omen. The words he spoke would only bring chaos and divine wrath.

"The Blade is back."

Kaz Brekker wavered.

Wherever he went, this name continued to haunt him and was added to many other, much more painful, ghosts. In the midst of a pile of frozen, inert bodies, that of a living person would stand like a threatening tower, its blood-stained shadow hovering over his closed eyelids. The personification of Treason infiltrated his nightmares and, in its ubiquity, continued to plague his life, even when she was locked up in a cell all the way in Hellgate.

It was at night that this bloody spirit tormented him the most, although the daytime was not enough to chase it away completely either. It was that look—which had been full of rage that night—which pierced and tore at the fabric of his dreams.

Powerless, the Crows could only listen to this late-night spectacle, their ears pressed to the wall, as their boss insulted the Saints for sending him the Blade as punishment for his sins.

“Impossible,” he finally spat. “No one runs away from Hellgate.” His emphatic tone did not dispel the doubts of his Crows.

“What about Mattias?" Wylan interrupted, putting aside his wood-esque observations.

“The Blade acts alone. Without help, no one can get out of there. Impossible,” he mumbled again under his breath.

The word suddenly seemed meaningless, as if it had turned into a mere alignment of letters, placed end to end in an artificial order, whose syllables sounded stranger and stranger as they were pronounced. Kaz seemed to realise this because he abruptly stopped speaking, his lips pursed, holding back the 'po' that had wanted to escape.

Nothing was impossible. Especially not the escape of one of Ketterdam's greatest criminals. A criminal whose thirst for revenge had undoubtedly become the driving life-force behind her actions.

When you have neither money nor love, only rage can save the lonely soul in its relentless search for a goal.

The face of Pekka Rollins suddenly appeared to him, like a mirror held up to his own equally bloody motivations. He saw himself, able to cross all tides to see the one who had deceived him and Jordie suffer.

Only a small sea separated him from the Blade.

Kaz swallowed back a curse.

“Help! Please, help! Somebody! Hurry!”

Screams rose in the street, penetrated the walls, and made the four hearts in the room miss a beat—fearful harmony. The Crows stood up quickly, now alert.

A woman stormed into the club. Blood dripped from the end of her dress, staining the floor with a repetitive and macabre plop. Kaz stared bleakly at the growing red ink stain that made the floor a painting of death. Her hands were bloody too, and the two crimson furrows on her cheeks were evidence of a futile attempt to wash away the cardiac rain that had fallen on them.

In her terrible redness, she had become an allegory of Ketterdam's cruelty.

“They killed my husband!” she cried.

Kaz recognised her. Behind the tears and blood was the face of the wife of one of his Kregs: one of the club's bouncers, often positioned at the entrance to prevent any outbursts. That evening, however, he was not on duty.

“He was stabbed... I– It all happened so fast! I–I don’t–”

She was in shock. Her eyes were bulging; her voice, trembling. Wylan sat her down and handed her a glass of water, which she did not even touch, far too busy telling what had just happened.

A masked figure had appeared in front of the couple as they passed the Crow Club to meet friends in another bar. The woman had had no time to react before her husband was on the ground, a gaping hole in his chest, his white shirt soaked with blood. She only had time to catch a glimpse of a silvery glint before the figure disappeared into the shadows, leaving behind destruction and death.

“It can’t be...” Jesper didn't finish his sentence, feeling Kaz's black look on him.

“Inej, Jesper, go see what's going on. Wylan, go get Nina and Mattias and some ammunition.”

Protests erupted but he silenced them with a wave of his hand.

“Do as I say. Now.”

Kaz tightened his grip on the crow’s head, as if to reassure himself, to remind himself of his authority, which the mere presence of—if the rumours turned out to be true—called into question. Fragile as a sandcastle, the illusion of power seemed to crumble before his eyes.

The pain in his leg suddenly seemed to intensify.

As the rest of the gang looked on in astoundment, he hurried up the stairs, his face inscrutable.

The door to his office slammed and a vase was thrown.

“We're so going to die,” Jesper sighed, his hand on his guns.

✦ TAGLIST.

@losteroops @avianawrites @outlawqueen17 @lonelywitchv2

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows #six of crows x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x oc #six of crows x you #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #kaz brekker fic #✦ worn blade

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kazuiislazy · 8 months

Text

“Promise Me?”

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader Summary: Reader having a nightmare and seeking comfort from a nightmare himself. (Ah yes, we love to see it.) You woke up breathing heavily and in cold sweat. You laid back down and forced your eyes to close but you couldn’t stop picturing it. So, you shot back up in bed. At this point, you gave up on trying to fall back asleep. Perhaps Kaz would be awake and you could disturb him– just for tonight, you thought.

You entered the room without knocking because you were used to just slipping in and out of rooms quietly. Kaz sat at his desk but.. was he asleep? His head was on the table, with papers scattered everywhere. You felt bad for intruding but you didn’t want to leave Kaz at the desk. You were torn between moving him to his bed and walking away.

You learned the hard way that Kaz didn’t like physical touch. As you were about to move him, he woke up with a jolt. You stood frozen. He turned to look at you. “What are you doing here?” You started looking left and right as if it would help you. “Uh, nothing..?” He huffed. “Be honest.” That’s rich coming from you, you rolled your eyes.

“Ihadanightmareandwantedtotalktoyouaboutit,” You admitted, He cocked his eyebrow at you, practically asking you to repeat what you had said. “I had a nightmare.” You sighed, He sighed back at you. “And?” You shifted uncomfortably. “I wanted to disturb you.. but you weren’t awake,” He got up from his seat and limped his way to the bed.

He patted the bed. “Sit,” Now you were confused. You stood still. “This is a one time offer,” You walked towards the bed and sat awkwardly. There was a small gap in between the both of you. He took a deep breath in. “Closer, [Y/N],” Your eyes widened. “No, Kaz, it’s fine, you don’t need to-” He was glaring at you now. You moved closer.

“Tell me about it,” And you did. You told him about the nightmare that you had and both of you talked about it for hours.

—

“You should get some rest,” Kaz stated. You hummed, flopping down on the bed. “Goodnight,” you muttered. He gave a firm nod. “Promise me you’ll still be here when I wake up,” you meant it as a statement but it came out as a question. “Deal is the deal,”

:-----------------------------------------------------------------------------:

A/N: sorry i haven't been posting/answering your requests if you've sent some but.. i'll try to catch up to them soon :'). have this in the meanwhile i found this in my old documents so.. yeah.

#kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker fic #kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagine #six of crows x reader #soc

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frost-queen · 3 months

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Shadow walker (Reader x Kaz Brekker)

Requested by: anon, Forever tag:@missmelodramatic, @merlin-dahlia, @alex--awesome--22, @elllie-does-the-posts, @floatlosers @merlieve, @queen-of-books, @glimmering-darling-dolly,@denkisclown, @wildieflower, @meyocoko, @bubblybrianna, @justanothercoco, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @m-rae23, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr, @swampthing07, @melsunshine, @panhoeofmanyfandoms, @venomsvl, @the-uncoordinated-house-cat, @rosecentury, @imagines-by-her, @evilcr0ne, @vviolynn

Summary: Vampire!Au. Kaz has been around for a very long time and decides to tell someone his story. His eyes fall upon you a famous writer in Ketterdam. You become infatuated by his story. After his story you take your space from Kaz, yet he is always around. Lurking in the shadows for his heart yearns for you.

A gush of wind blew behind you, startling you. It made you gasp loud having turned around. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary till you saw the window frames thud shut and close. The curtains blowing up by the wind had gone in. Furrowing your brows you wondered how the window had opened itself. The candles on your desk got blown out, dimming your room in darkness.

You went around the desk to your window. Taking a hold of the frame, you had to use all your might to keep it in place. You quickly locked them. Brushing your curtains afterwards back in place. With a soft breath you took a step back. The soft creak of a wooden floorboard made you jump out of your skin. Someone was in your house.

Turning around you were pushed back in your previous position a gloved hand pressed against your mouth. Your eyes widened staring back into the eyes of a man. The gloves deafened out your scream when he pressed his hand harder on your mouth. His other hand behind your head to keep you in place.

“Calm down.” – he said as his pupils seemed to change sizes. Your muscles untensed as he slowly lowered his grip on you. With a simple nod he wanted to ask if you were okay. You nodded brief back unsure why you felt at ease around him. – “How did you get in?” – you asked as your voice didn’t match the panic in your head. Your head was screaming with terror at the stranger in your house, yet your body language was calm and eased. – “Take a seat Y/n.” – he suggested, motioning to one of your stools.

With a gentle touch on your elbow, he gestured for you to do so. Funnily you did. – “How do you know my name?” – you questioned as he clicked his tongue with a sway of his finger. He undid himself from his black long coat, laying it neatly over his arm. – “I have a story to tell.” – he simply said. You watched him hang his coat on your coatrack in the corner. Your room spacious but small. You practically lived and breathed there.

He then pulled a stool back across from you. It made you frown as you figured he would take a seat in your big chair behind the desk. The place where you would normally sit when working on the stories. Now he sat with you on the other end. The people’s side one would say. – “You have a hunger for stories right?” – he phrased with well picked out words. You hummed nodding your head. – “But office hours are…” – you started motioning with your hands as it was beyond your working hours that you met someone to interview.

The man turned his head to look at the night sky. – “I have unusual hours.” – he commented. – “Fair enough.” – you responded. The man’s stare was intense making you swallow nervously. – “What… what is the story about?” – you asked curious. The man looked briefly at his side as you followed his gaze. Against your desk stood a cane with a crow’s head on top. You hadn’t really noticed too occupied with the stranger in your house. Yet seeing the cane made you aware of who the stranger was. The man grabbed the cane, laid his gloved hands on top to lean and looked back at you.

“You’re… you’re Kaz Brekker.” – you concluded seeing him pull a smirk. – “So you have heard of me.” – he replied. You laughed once and loud as if he was telling fables. – “Heard? Sir you are most famous around the Barrel. You sir have a reputation, Dirty hands.” – you pointed out. Kaz smiled. – “I do my best to keep it up.” – he said back. His comment made you chuckle as it took his attention. – “You… you said you have a story to tell? What is it about?” – you asked. – “Me.” – he spoke. – “Precisely about how I became the monster I am.” – he phrased making you quirk your eyebrow up.

“Monster? Sir?” – you asked to verify. He reached for your desk pulling your notebook and pencil closer to him. – “You’ll need paper to write.” – he offered it to you as you accepted it with two hands. You placed the notebook on your lap, curious to what he would say. – “I have done things I can’t speak off, Things I tried to wash off but can’t.” – he started. – “Sir, this is Ketterdam, we’ve all done things in order to survive.” – you responded. Kaz quirked his eyebrow up. – “But have you killed?” – he asked.

Your eyes widened as you took a hard swallow. – “Do not worry Y/n.” – he began seeing the fear in your eyes. – “I won’t harm you. You have to write my story so I still need you.” – he held his hand up to show you how innocent he was. – “And on that note call me Kaz. If I am going to tell you my entire life story, we can skip the formalities around here.” – he smirked as it made you look flushed away. Something about that smile that made him more attractive. You gestured for him to begin as you settled in. Kaz turned his head towards the window, taking a deep breath. His mind drifting away back in time to when he was younger.

The sky was grey. The rain had passed but a gloom was still in the air. Ketterdam smelled as bad as it did now, or perhaps a bit better. Young Kaz with an innocent mind toggled along after his brother Jordie. Jordie took a deep breath, hands on his hips. – “I can feel it Kaz, this will be a new start for us.” – Jordie said making Kaz roll with his eyes. Jordie noticed it. – “What are you laughing at your brother?” – he teased going with grabby hands at Kaz.

Kaz jumped around when Jordie tickled his stomach hard, making him laugh. – “Stop!” – Kaz laughed out trying to sound serious. – “People are …watching.” – he panted out jumping away from Jordie’s tickling hands. – “Who cares!” – was Jordie’s response. – “I care.” – Kaz replied setting his jacket well. – “Come!” – Jordie called out, motioning with his head.

“We’ve got work to search.” – Kaz came jogging after him to join his side. The first door Jordie and Kaz knocked on got smacked right back in their faces. The second door opened. Jordie cleared his throat. – “Good sir.” – he said taking a bow. Seeing that Kaz wasn’t bowing made him elbow Kaz in the side. He groaned in pain, lowering to a bow. The man in the door opening grunted loud with a huff.

“My good brother and I are looking for an employer. We are handy, fast and will come in handy to help out.” – Jordie spoke advertising themselves. The man laughed loud, his stomach shuddering with him. – “You two are to puny to do any lifting.” – he answered. – “Good sir we are not!” – Jordie insisted on. The man turned a bit inside the house, appeared back and threw a large thick sack at Jordie. Jordie caught it, bend through his knees as they wobbled.

He tried to stay upright but the weight took him under. The man laughed louder when Jordie was on the ground, the sack right on top of his chest. His arms flopped up trying to get up, but it was no use. Jordie helped Kaz to roll the sack of his chest. The weight released as he shot up, gasping for air.

“Like I said puny.” – he mocked with a laugh. Kaz helped his brother up to his feet, glaring at the man. – “Don’t worry Kaz.” – Jordie began ruffling his fingers through his hair. – “I didn’t want to work here in the first place.” He swung his arm over Kaz’s shoulder, leading him away. The next three, four, five doors were pointless. Each time they received a hard no. The door slammed in their face to turn them away.

By midday had Jordie half given up. He let himself slide against the wall down, landing on his bottom. – “This is harder than I thought.” - Jordie said with a loud huff. Kaz kicked some tiny rocks away with his feet. It was then that his stomach growled. He noticed Jordie looking, trying to make it appear as if nothing had happened. Jordie wanted to speak when his own stomach growled too. He grabbed for it, laughing loud. – “What’s funny?” – Kaz asked. – “We’re starving an no one wants us!” – he proclaimed.

Jordie got up, placing a hand on Kaz’s shoulder. – “We’ll find something.” – the two of them went on. More doors slammed in their faces on their search for work, a housing and food. No one seemed to want them. Standing in an alleyway was Jordie exhaling loud. Kaz’s gaze drifted away to the commotion he was hearing.

A man being thrown onto the ground. A man, clearly a figure of authority simply snapped his finger when two men started to punch the man. They kept punching as the man was defenceless. Their knuckles coloured with blood. The man with clear power snapped his head at Kaz. It made Kaz gasp loud, stumbling a bit back. His gaze alluring even from this far.

He said something to the two man as they stopped. Cracked their neck and made their way over to Kaz and Jordie. Jordie who wasn’t paying much attention felt Kaz bump against him. – “What’s going on?” – he asked looking behind Kaz. Eyes widening at the two broad-shouldered men running towards them. – “Run!” – Kaz called out pulling Jordie with him. Kaz and Jordie ran in the alleyways.

The fog swirling up to their ankles. Looking over his shoulder, Kaz saw that the men were still chasing him. While they were running noticed Kaz a shadow on the rooftops. It was too dark to see who it was, but their posture was enough to cause him fear. Kaz pushed Jordie in another alleyway to try and confuse the men after them.

Passing a passage way, Kaz noticed the same figure from on the rooftop standing in a crossing. He pushed Jordie in a street to the side. How come he was this fast? Jordie came to a stop making Kaz lose his balance and nearly stumble forwards. Kaz’s eyes widened hearing loud footsteps on the cobble stone. From the fog appeared a figure, swaying a pocket watch in the air.

Appearing under a lantern, they could get a good look at him. – “Hello boys.” – the man said as Kaz’s eyes widened. It was the same man he saw before ordering the man to be handled. He leaned in closer to Kaz with a smirk. Kaz noticed two of his teeth were sharper than his others. – “I’ve heard you boys are looking for work.” – he said. Jodie swallowed hard. The man drew his hand, offering it to shake. – “Pekka Rollins.” – he introduced himself.

“Pekka Rollins!” – you called out.

“Yes.” – Kaz sighed out. – “Can I continue?”

You nodded giving him the room once more. Kaz took a deep breath taking a moment to be off from where he was.

Jordie shook Pekka Rollins hand.

“Big mistake.” – you interrupted with a snarky comment.

Kaz cleared his throat with a stern glare at you. You zipped your lips, sealing them to not interrupt anymore. Kaz sighed again before beginning where he set off.

“I’ll hire you.” – Pekka Rollins said (Kaz quirked his eyebrow at you, just to warn you not to interrupt) “Great…” – Jordie answered as Kaz elbowed his brother. Jordie chuckled sheepishly telling Pekka Rollins to give him a second. Kaz and Jordie turned around speaking in hushed voices. – “What is wrong?” – Jordie asked. – “I got a bad feeling about him.” – Kaz responded. Jordie took a deep breath.

“He’s offering us work Kaz. It will be perfect, just you wait.” – Jordie turned back around as Kaz didn’t felt done with talking. The bad feeling about this man still vivid. – “We’ll work for you.” – Jordie spoke. – “Excellent.” – Pekka Rollins answered with a grin. Kaz swallowed nervously, the bad feeling increasing by the second.

Pekka Rollins wrapped his arms around Jordie and Kaz, guiding them back to his house. So Jordie and Kaz were hired under Pekka’s name. They both signed a contract. The work was hard, but it provided them with food and a roof above their head.

For several years everything was normal. Till near the end of the year all changed. Jordie was working in the compound. Bringing in a new delivery that had come from the docks. Jordie was humming a tune whilst carrying a heavy sack over his shoulder. He dropped the sack with the others inside the compound when he heard voices. It intrigued but didn’t make him lose focus.

He began to whistle making his way back outside to the cart to bring in the next sack. It dropped down with a loud thud as the sound of a body being pushed against a metal structure made him lift his head. He heard more commotion. This time he was curious as it sounded like a fight. One where the other was nearly defenceless against his opponent. Jordie followed the sounds coming closer. He came to a stop, going in hiding when he saw the fight. Jordie couldn’t recognize them at first till a clear view made him widen his eyes. Pekka Rollins.

He grabbed the man holding in front of him. Keeping him still by his chin. Pekka laid his head back, opening his mouth. Lowering his head as he bit the man’s neck. He squirmed and shuddered as blood drained down his neck. Jordie gasped, clasping his hand before his mouth. Out of shock he had pulled back, but his action made a bucket clatter to the ground. He turned round looking in shock at the bucket. He hoped Pekka hadn’t heard it so he dared to look back.

Yet Pekka wasn’t around anymore. Only the body of the man on the ground. Jordie felt a gush of wind from behind making him slowly turn in terror. Pekka grinned making Jordie jump back against the wall. – “Noisy boy.” – Pekka said. – “Now I’ll have to kill you.” – Pekka continued. – “I’ll keep your secret.” – Jordie blurted out in an attempt to save himself. – “Jordie! Jordie!” – They both heard. Jordie’s eyes widened as Pekka smirked devilish. – “Oh you will.” – Pekka answered.

He grabbed Jordie, revealing his teeth. – “Jordie, Jordie!” – Kaz kept calling out in search for his brother. Jordie groaned in pain when Pekka’s teeth sank into his neck. He felt Pekka suck the blood out of his veins as he wanted to scream. Pekka covered his mouth with his hand to deafen it out. He then retracted his teeth with a refreshing gasp. Jordie grabbed for his neck as the blood kept dripping out. Staining his hands with the dripping wetness. Pekka then bit his own wrist.

Blood dripped out as he brought a finger to his lips, disappearing before Jordie’s eyes. Jordie already feeling weakly blinked with a lot of effort. – “Jordie!” – Kaz cried out running up to his brother. He immediately saw the blood. – “What happened? Who did this?” – Kaz wanted to know. His brother collapsed as Kaz knelt down, pressing his hand down on the wound. – “Help! Help me!” – Kaz shouted out. His cries for help interrupted by a force pulling his head back. Jordie tried to warn him but it had no advance.

A blooded wrist got pushed against Kaz’s mouth. It was so sudden he swallowed some of it. Unable to not taste it on his tongue. Kaz was choking on it. He was released as he fell forwards, setting his hands. Spitting out the last of the blood out of his mouth, in vain as the blood had already been swallowed. The blood made Kaz dizzy. His heart pumping faster then ever. Looking at his hands they appeared like a vibrating image. Jordie coughed as it caught Kaz’s attention.

He saw the blood between his fingers as it made his veins pulsate. Appearing as if he was slowing down or time, it was all unclear. The blood made Kaz lick his lips eagerly. – “Ka…Kaz…” – Jordie breathed out hoarse feeling his life slip away. Kaz had no ears for it. Hearing Jordie’s heartbeat loud in his ears. A drumming that was fading out. The smell of blood was overwhelming to his senses.

He looked at his own hands having the desire to lick the blood off it. Something was going on with him, yet he didn’t know yet what. – “Kaz…” – Jordie begged with tears in his eyes. Kaz moved his trembling hand down to his brother’s head. He closed his eyes for what he was about to do. It had become to overwhelming. Begging to be stilled.

Jordie’s hand faltered. Kaz printed his teeth in Jordie’s neck, sucking his blood. It filled his mouth with taste. Jordie was punching Kaz on his back for the pain he was causing he. He was rough and brutal. Kaz’s had no power to break it off. He kept drinking till he bit hard enough giving the final strike to Jordie.

Jordie’s hands stopped punching as they slid off Kaz’s back. Kaz lifted up his head, blood dripping down his lips. His eyes met up with Jordie’s lifeless eyes. – “Jordie?” – he said soft. – “Jordie?” – he touched his cheek for a response but none came. Wiping his mouth and seeing the blood on his hands made him suddenly aware of what he did.

What monstrosity he had performed. – “Jordie!” – he called out taking his body in his arms. Overcome with disgust and guilt. – “Nooo!” – he screamed out, sobbing loud at the loss of his brother. His dearest brother.

Your pencil dropped to the ground in shock. Kaz moved in his position, bending down to pick up your pencil. He carefully laid it on the notebook on your lap, full with scribbled words. Page after page. He looked away not sure how repulsed or frightened you would be. – “He…he did this to you. Pekka did this to you out of pure sport!” – you outed getting frustrated with anger.

Kaz turned his head back with curiosity to you. This was not at all the reaction he had foreseen. – “I knew he was the devil in man’s clothing but this tightens the crown.” – you spoke. – “So am I Y/n.” – Kaz answered. – “No!” – you called out. – “No! You are not! He took advantage of you and set you to his hand. That is different. You didn’t choose this but… he… he did.” – you went on. Kaz curled up a faint smile admiring you. He knew he had come to the right writer.

A beam of light fell on your wrist, making you turn your head to the window. The first signs of daylight coming through. Kaz saw it as well, yet he remained in darkness. – “I will continue tonight. I don’t want to keep you from your sleep.” – he spoke. – “I don’t need sleep when you have a story to tell.” – you responded.

“You are an ambitious writer but please Y/n.” – he placed his hand on yours. – “Tonight.” – you nodded dozily at his words. Looking at the window again, you took a deep breath. – “Ton-“ – you started but stopped seeing you were all alone. So it went on. Each night Kaz appeared in your house telling you more of his story. You learned a great deal of his character as he did of yours.

Sometimes you would interrupt him again in your enthusiasm or writer’s curiosity. The more you did it, the more he accepted it. Finding in a way cute and unique to you. By the end of the month you had his entire story written down in a chaotic mess. All that lasted was writing it to it’s full glory. Kaz and you had no contact anymore as he had nothing more to say. He had given you his story.

Regardless of the absence he was close by. Not for you to see, but he was there. Each night you went out, he was there. Watching you from the dark corners or from rooftops. Unable to keep away from you. Having been with you so intense for a month stirred up feelings with him. Not wanting any harm to come to you. Someone would just have to dare go near you or Kaz would handle them for you without your knowledge. Close, but not close enough. Afraid to ruin your pure heart with his devilish heart.

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not-a-big-slay · 1 year

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bippiti · 1 year

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bishops k. brekker

an first kaz fic! lmk what y’all think

pairing kaz brekker x healer/ tailor reader

req yup

wc 1.8k

synopsis after a heist goes terribly wrong, you’re the one who comes to kazs aid

heads up typical soc violence, fighting, broken bones, stab wounds, not proofread

dangling off of a high building wasnt kazs ideal way of spending his friday night. but here he was, covered nails digging into the crumbling roof of some rich merchers mansion.

before going on any further i suppose some back tracking is in order.

a while before one of the dregs monitoring the ports overheard a group of stadwatch talking about some rather valuable cargo. precious gems, fine arts, and antique instruments were all set to come in the following month, and we’re to be delivered to a marcher named Stefan Terpstra.

further investigation from inej led to the discovery of an auction being held at terpstras manor. this of course, meant a heist.

kaz already had the blueprints in his office, saints knew where he got it from. but now all you had to do was figure out what roles to play. since they were all too recognizable you were key to this going well.

while you were first and foremost a healer, you were still a relatively skilled tailor, with the proper materials you could alter someone’s face and have it not revert for almost half a day.

the night before kaz called all of you down ti go over the plan again. after you changed inej and jespers face, they would go to the auction posing as a wealthy couple. while the party before the auction is taking place kaz would sneak into the safe, pick the lock, and then him and matthias would collect everything they could carry. nina would be with them to ensure no hold ups took place, and all the while you and wylan would be on the roof scouting out for potential threats.

it was simple enough, you’d had a million harder jobs than this one. so it was kindve funny how almost everything went wrong

before anything even started there were issues with the clothes. the fabric of the dress inej was supposed to wear was really itchy, and when you peeled it away from her skin you saw the rashes and raised red bumps forming. you fixed it easily, but it still had you pushing for time. once their faces were altered and ready, they were off to the manor.

this is when the second problem came up. after everyone went to sleep following kazs rundown, wylan spent the rest of the night working on a few potassium nitrate bombs. (more commonly known as smoke bombs) he kept a fire on low heat as he mixed sugar and the potassium nitrate together. the combining process took hours, but the yield was impressive. 8 bombs total, 4 for inej, 4 for jesper. and there were 8 left on the table as he came up the stairs after hearing the horses set off.

great. since they both were more than capable of holding their own it wasn’t a total disaster, but it was a night wasted sitting at a desk.

once you all arrived things seemed to be going smoothly, jesper floated from person to person, making conversation and laughing along with other party goers. you could’ve sworn you saw a tinge of jealousy on wylans face before he turned away. while jesper was frolicking inej was say at the bar, nursing a drink that looked to be at least 15 kruge overpriced. while going up the stairs you met with kaz and the others, wylan gave them 4 of the bombs, and w kaz gave them the timeframe. 15 minutes, in and out then they should be done. if they weren’t on the roof in time then they were to rendezvous at the neighboring farm a few roads down.

problem 3: it had been almost 15 minutes and there was still no sign or the others. you checked your watch nervously and you heard wylan kicking at the rocks to your left. on your end things had been fine, no other gangs or stadwatch had shown up.

as of on cue, the door burst open and matthias and kaz ran out

if i’m you hand my been concerned the moment mightve even been funny, kaz had what seemed to be his weight in gold adorned around his neck, and a painting almost as wide as you strapped to his back. matthias wasn’t any better, he had to crown crookedly placed on his head and had bracelets up to his elbows, and what looked to be a violin case strapped to his back.

they were telling at you both to jump into the tree, something about a few bodyguards catching them and nina staying behind to fight a few off.

kaz shrugged off what he had on and gave it over to wylan who put in the bag. matthias followed suit and the propped up the bag and took off. scaling down a building wasn’t kazs forte which is why he was supposed to go back through and out the building, but that obviously wasn’t an option. while you were trying to figure out what to do, some men came through the door and went at you.

growing up you learned how to fight, so you were that bad. as you dodged a punch and countered you saw kaz fighting in your peripheral. instead of having his cane be a part of his weakness, he had managed to turn it into one of his strengths. as he swung it at what seemed to be the last man you straightened your back, letting out a breathy laugh. both of you were bruised and by the inhale you just took you had a rib or two broken. the heavy steps of someone coming up the stares broke you out of your trance. as the woman came up the stairs you wanted to crawl up and die. she was huge her biceps were always as thick as your waist and the look on her face showed she wasn’t here to play.

you were never one to back down though so with a deep breath you began to form your hands. because tailors could alter physical appearance and bone structure you had been trying to take it to the next level. while so far it had only worked on the dead you thought it might work. as you brought your hand up her arms began to pulse, changing shape in an almost grotesque way. she began to stride over to you before a heavy crack made her turn around.

kaz wasn’t really sure what you were doing, but he could tell you were going to have to focus in order to do so. as he began to fight the woman her arms began to.. change. they became smaller, larger, then began to shrink onto themselves. she vegan to maker her way to you again. before he could do anything else he felt his feet tip back and he fell. he opened his eyes to see his hands barely holding onto the brick wall. he prayed to saints he didn’t believe in to help him hold on.

you saw kaz plunge and your mind went on autopilot, you felt your power wash over you and you watched her legs began to shrink, growing smaller and smaller until there were none left at all. in the back of your head you heard someone laugh, it was scary, shrill. it took a moment before you realized it was you.

snapping back into reality you left her there, rushing over to kaz who was by the grace of saints still hanging on. you grabbed him by the arm and yanked him forward, sending you both rather harshly to your backs.

you breathed in once more as you shakily stood, kaz did the same, pain evident on his face. during this whole mess his cane had landed up in the dirt below you both. together you began to long journey back to the barrel.

the door to the slat burst open as you carried a passed out kaz. it was well into the night, so the was nobody there save for the crows and some dregs. as you hauled him over to a table inej and matthias swiped it off, maps and cards fell onto the floor around you all.

you peeled off his clothes later by later, stopping once you got the his shirt. as you unbuttoned it you signaled for the others to leave, you assumed kaz wouldn’t like them to see their ‘all powerful’ boss in such a position.

as your hands ghosted over his chest you let your manic deep putt of you. you mended the broken ribs, the fractured wrist, and the cuts he had gotten on his back. they were deep, but not enough to make them life threatening. as his skin stitched itself together you began to focus on your own. by the time you were done rearranging your own bruises and scrapes you were far too tired to rid his face and body of the bruises. instead, you patched him up, wrapping bandages around his stomach and back before shrugging his coat on over him.

as you bridal carried him up the stairs you took a moment to appreciate his face. you didn’t let yourself stare very often, kaz was observant and he could pick up the slightest of glances. you looked at the curve of his nose, the shape of his lips. they looked soft, kissable even

before you let yourself get too carried away you opened the door to his room, taking his coat, hanging it, and then taking his gloves and placing them at his bedside.

before you left you filled a bowl with warm water, dipping a towel in you began to rub small circles into his face, ridding it of the dried blood that was starting to form. once the water turned crimson you dumped it out.

kaz awoke the next day, he wasn’t in any more pain than he was used to, but he was still bruised beyond belief. he didn’t remember much other than clinging onto you as you both made your way back to the slat.

he brought his hand up to his head, he needed to figure out what had happened. after finding jesper and figuring out what had occurred, he didn’t know what to do. how was he supposed to thank you? how could he in words, explain how thankful he was it was you that saved him, you that helped him. you. you. stupid you.

y/n l/n.

the only person that had managed to win over dirty hands heart

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker fic #six of crows x reader #six of crows fanfic #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone fanfiction

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futurecorps3 · 1 year

Note

Hello my love! I have heard your call for Kaz requests and I have an idea rattling around in my head!

Could you maybe do a Kaz x fem!Reader where they're in their early 20s and have been together for years and overcome Kaz's touch aversion (bc our poor boy deserves some healing 😭)? But that's not the idea, the idea is that the reader hasn't been sleeping for a few nights and ends up getting hurt because of it? Could be from fainting and hitting her head, slow reflexes on a job, etc. I trust your brilliant mind!

I can't wait to watch you grow as a writer!!!! ❤️

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐮𝐦

Masterlist<3

Summary: The lack of sleep Kaz has been warning his girl about finally has consequences. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader Warnings: Mentions of overwoking, lack of sleep, blood, a very angsty moody angry sad Kazzle, mentions of blood and lost of conscience. The usual crow violence! Lmk if I missed any. Word Count: 3.5K whoops Requested: Yes

A/N: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! :( I love the prompt, however and am very excited to work on this. Hope u like it nonnie and that last thing means the absolute world! <3

˚ · • . ° .

Now he knew he was in no position to demand her to rest. Kaz Brekker was known in his close circle for two things; killing whoever disrespected his love and always scheming. The electricity his brain consumed when plotting the next heist didn't even allow him to sleep when being tucked in with Y/N laying over his chest. But she never had the same issue before!

That's how it worked. She got mad because he wasn't sleeping and would reproach his ears off until he folded and left his papers to join her in bed. So, it was safe to say Kaz was startled when he noticed the absence of steps approaching his office. The clock read the time to be a quarter past midnight. He learned by endlessly scolding from you the hard way it was no use staying up late for a job when he had pretty much everything prepared, so he dropped everything and left to his room.

"Darling, are you-" his question was answered as he opened the door and saw her drawing on the little desk he got for her. "Hmm, hi love. It's quite early. What are you doing here?" Kaz wanted to laugh at that. Had she really lost notion of time that badly? "It's past midnight now, Y/N. What are you working on?" His shirt was discarded in some chair, along with his coat.

He was now in his dress pants and a black sleep blouse, leaning over the back of her chair to see the canvas. It was a picture of the sea, surely an image she hadn't been able to get out of her head after the quick trip you took to the docks with Wylan to ensure a better hiding spot, in case things went south on Saturday.

"I don't know if I'm getting the blues right... you know how it somehow turns gray when the day's rainy?" she wondered out loud. "Don't throw it away altogether, I know you're already thinking about it" "I'm not!" Y/N giggled, knowing fully her boyfriend could read her mind. "Fix it in the morning. Let's go to bed now, yes?" Kaz tried, tilting his head to her right side and nudging his nose a little on her cheek as she hummed in response.

It had taken a long time, many years, to reach these moments. Years of hoping she could one day have his arms draped around her waist in security, head on his chest without a care in the world, because all that really mattered was they'd be keeping each other warm with their bodies. Y/N was patient, not minding the baby-steps and Kaz's constant need to push her away because he thought she deserved better. Truth is, there was no one better for her.

Kaz had a hard time wrapping his head around this fact. Did you love him for him? A limping criminal who was too weak to even bear the thought of embracing you when tears streamed down your cheeks on a specially tough day? Why? It took convincing, long talks, difficult moments and even worse fights... but you made it.

She felt his steady heartbeat as they lay together in their silk black sheets, indulging in the beauty of it. Their breathings became one, and she swore there was no better place the saints could come up with as heaven. "Everything's ready?" "Yes, I figured I should come here with you instead of overthinking it all. I'll tell everyone the plan tomorrow and revise it again the day before" he took a deep breath, turning to face her and leaving a soft kiss on her lips.

"It's late, you don't seem tired" Kaz noted, Y/N's eyes nowhere near closing as they usually would by now. Her boyfriend, on the contrary, was starting to hide that beautiful icy green his irises held, then came a yawn to confirm his fatigue. "Rest, my love. I'm sure I'm not too far behind," she assured him, pecking his head as he lay on her chest now.

"Goodnight, Kaz".

˚ · • . ° .

It may as well have been minutes, or hours, days, for all she cared to reason. All she knew was that she couldn't sleep for the life of her. Kaz moved a lot in his sleep and after he lost hold of her, the night became a non-stop tossing and turning in their shared bed. She could hear the faint sound of carriages passing down their street, surely carrying some rich merchant who just had the night of his life betting or in one of the pleasure houses.

It had been a while since she felt this way. Pretty much every night prior Kaz offered her a permanent position on the crows after she worked with them was like this. The clock in their room, hanging on a wall distant from her, kept ticking and if it got quiet enough, she could've been able to hear the gears turning. Three in the bloody morning and Y/N had luckily gotten by far twenty minutes of sleep. The girl sighed and lay down again, looking up at the ceiling briefly before closing her eyes in hopes of resting a little more.

She didn't, not even in the days ahead. Kaz pointed out how he could feel her moving way more than usual as his a light sleeper, not blaming her whatsoever but more concerned as to what was keeping her up. Y/N didn't know either, so she figured solving it with Jesper's coffee and quick (very ineffective) naps on the couches and tables at the slat so she could at least be aware of the task at hand; the job.

The day came, and she felt very optimistic about it all. Truth is, Y/N loved dressing up with pretty dresses and daggers hidden around her thighs. She found some kind of satisfaction in keeping this knowledge to herself, the men and women throwing looks at her, completely unaware of how dangerous she happened to be. People on the streets knew her as the wild child... ruthlessly gorgeous, is what Kaz called her.

The girl had a habit of getting carried away in a fight. Too much anger and resentment for the past had to find an exit. It did when she killed, leaving a scared Jesper to deal with an even more scared Wylan who wouldn't dare look her in the eye for weeks after she kept on punching a man's face she saw was trying to kidnap a little girl right after a job years ago. Kaz helped and understood.

His revenge was calculating and took years in which she was by her side, but Y/N just couldn't help herself when it came down to the people who did unspeakable things to her. With the years, she got a hold of herself even though her nickname on the barrel stuck, adding "the crow queen" when word got around she was Brekker's girl. Now, she was still ruthless but way more cold-headed and grounded, Kaz's doing.

She wore a pink dress with embroidered roses around the floaty sleeves. Inej had a blue set of dress pants and shirt, long-sleeved as well as Nina sported a hot red strapless dress with a lot of cleavage. "We're a smoke show! Those fuckers will barely be able to keep their eyes off of us." The last one squealed, adjusting her hair "That's the point" Inej giggled, agreeing clearly as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Y/N laughed at the thought and her head pained a little; Girls on those big houses did the very same thing they were doing now, with very different intentions. Those ladies wanted to find a rich husband, and they'd be set. Her friends were dressed to kill, and so was she. A little fucked up version of a cliché she, too, wished to live when she was little. "I hope these sleeves aren't an issue" she wondered, picturing them getting stuck on their knife or maybe being too tight to throw a punch.

"It's a simple job, love. There's nothing to be worried about! Also, I can bet on my life Kaz is going to be drooling over you when he sees." Nina smiled, playfully smacking her shoulder. "Even more so if you fight in that, he's going to go insane" spoke the Suli girl with a giggle "Kinky" the heartrender added, making the girlfriends break in a fit of laughter. Nina was right, Y/N knew, but decided against confirming her friend's assumptions.

Her eyes felt droopy from the obvious lack of sleep but nothing a cup of coffee couldn't fix, right? She walked down the stairs and into the makeshift kitchen they owned, heating up some. The smell filled her body with pleasant chills, and suddenly some more energy invaded her. "Wacha got there?" asked Wylan, who was quietly sitting behind her. How long had he been there? How did she not notice?

"Coffee, want some?" "Right before a job?" "Yes, I haven't been sleeping too well the last couple of days". Certain zemeni voice erupted from outside the room, exclaiming a brief "Neither have us!" that had the merchling blushing like he got some contagious disease. Y/N delivered a pat on his back, and coffee in hand she exited the room.

Kaz gathered everyone in the living room, to revise the plan once more. "...so make sure you cover that corn-" He stopped mid-sentence when Y/N came into view. Her hair looked polished, but she could be bald for all he cared. The dress complimented her figure beautifully, adjusting in the right places, which to Kaz was any place, really. Inej and Nina giggled and high fived. "Go on, love." She smiled, ready to listen attentively at his plan even though he made sure to walk her through it personally a few hours ago.

As Y/N brushed next to him, he grabbed her hand to make her stop right before she got seated. "You're stunning. Is it comfortable?" he whispered, looking at her with a certain glow in his eyes he once thought lost. "Yes, dear. Thank you" she pecked her boy's cheek and took a seat behind him. He went on with the plan, and everyone seemed pretty much ready to leave.

So they did.

˚ · • . ° .

"Darling, watch out!" Jesper exclaimed, shooting at a man behind Y/N. Things went south, they did. In the hiding spot Wylan and the girl had settled; some dreg must've ratted, they guessed. An ambush from some new-forming band trying to get known by stealing from The Crows themselves, pathetic. Inej had gotten there to help, but Y/N and Jesper insisted she went back and warned the others so to spare them from possible damage.

The wild child and Jesper were a great team, who knew a durast and an avid fighter could take down men three times their size and weight? They proved on many occasions to be useful for situations as these, so there was no problem. They'd be out of there in the blink of an eye. Around ten people had arrived at the scene, and four remained, Y/N realized as she took a kick in the gut and fell on her back, jumping back on her feet with a flip.

Jes' revolvers did the job for two others as she managed with the guy in front of her. "Come on, big guy, that can't be the best you got, aye?" she smiled wickedly, taunting the man with a daring hand despite the very much broken rib she could feel. The dress was ruined with blood she was sure wasn't hers, shreds ripped it off so largely one of her legs was now exposed.

He lunged forward, coming with a dirty blade to her throat, and she skipped it. Came again, now, aiming for her arm and she skipped it again, landing a kick on the throat that left him coughing on the ground. Y/N crouched to his level and grabbed him by the hair, sliding a knife in the same spot, careful not to cut. She noticed a tattoo on his neck, a beaver. Couldn't help but laugh. "You tell your boss not to mess around with us, or next time he won't get too lucky as to get less than half of his men in one piece. And change the tattoo, a bloody beaver? Seriously?"

The man nodded furiously, tripping on his way out of the warehouse. "A beaver? Their thing is beavers?" Jesper laughed, putting his babies back in place and making sure the painting they had stolen was still with him. "I know, couldn't pick a funnier thing" she answered, giggling. Looking around, something was odd. Yes, Y/N was not very well educated and lacked the month of college her best friend had, but she thought she counted four men remaining in this spot of the building.

The other six lay limp near the door, and there were two next to them, plus the one who ran with the message. One was missing. "Hey Jes I think we're missing one" "What do you mean? There's no one here". She stopped listening and her world went quiet when he met his yes. A lanky, tall figure could be seen next to a stack of boxes on her right, a flicking light revealing him for brief intervals of time. Ugly motherfucker carrying a gun that pointed straight at her.

The blood started gushing out of her leg before she could even react. "Too slow" she faintly heard. He wasn't stopping either; shooting at various places until one loud boom next to her made it cease. Was concrete always this cold? Oh, she was now feeling Jesper's soft suit. Warmer. "Is that wool?" Y/N asked and realized her voice sounded a little quieter than she meant. "Yes, it is doll. Open your eyes for me, okay? You can't die on me now"

She really tried. She really wanted to look at her best friends face and maybe hear him crack a joke or two. But her eyes felt droopy and her head felt heavy so she finally fell asleep.

˚ · • . ° .

Kaz arrived minutes later, Wylan, Nina and Inej by his side as they all rushed to a crying Jesper, desperately trying to wake Y/N up. "S-she got shot, didn't flinch.. like she didn't even see the bastard," he hiccuped, letting his boss take his place next to a limp body as his boyfriend helped him up and hugged him tightly.

Brekker's head spun. A thousand possibilities. There was blood all over the dress, and leaking over his clothes but he couldn't give a fuck. Not her. He couldn't bare it. Y/N was a piece of heaven in that saint forsaken island, the only saint he ever believed in and the angel that saved him from himself. If he lost her, there was no coming back for him. The water rose to his nose again for a brief moment.

It hadn't happened in a while. And he chose the techniques his lover taught him. He acted. "Nina" he mumbled, taking Y/N on his arms as the grisha girl assured him she had a pulse. His legs carried him to the slat, never too far from Nina, as she was making sure her pulse didn't slow down too much. He didn't even notice the pain in his bad leg. He felt a sting on his heart, so sharp it seemed as if pieces of broken glass would poke through it at any moment.

The boy sent Inej looking for whatever idiot decided it was a good idea to try and steal from them. Only information. He'd take care of them later. The Wraith left and was out all night, returning with a lot to say the next morning. Kaz looked over at Y/N's face and the utter peace that brushed over her features scared him even more. Not now. Not like this.

"Is she going to be okay? T-there was definitely something wrong with her back there" Jesper started once the girl was on the bed and getting healed with a few healers in the dregs and Nina. Kaz was sitting, head propped up in his hands as he stared at the wall opposite from him. "She didn't move! At all! He shot her three times and looked amused while doing it". The zemeni man had to stop if he wasn't trying to reunite with the other deceased blessed people on his bloodline. Kaz's stare hardened and his jaw clenched tightly.

"Wylan, I can't lose her. She was too slow a-" "ENOUGH" Kaz stood up, looking at him with murder in his eyes. "If you were more aware of the surroundings, she would be fine. Don't you dare call her slow. This is not her fault. You should've been there" menacing gloved finger pointing to his friend. "Oh, so this is my problem now?" Jesper countered in complete disbelief. "If you don't consider your best friend's life being at critical risk a problem you're much more of a superficial, incompetent and heartless bastard than I thought." Kaz spat.

He knew this wasn't Jesper's fault, maybe it was the lack of sleep or you just weren't on your element. But he had to let it out with someone. Anyone. Pain turns into anger and screaming at your brother when it's too strong. He knew that better than anyone and couldn't care to stop himself this time. "Kaz, stop" Wylan said, and then he noticed Jesper's puffy eyes with a sigh. Then he felt his own neck starting to tickle. He was crying. Kaz Brekker didn't cry.

"Out" "But Ka-" "I SAID OUT"

And out they were. Everyone who didn't need to be there to save his girl's life. He could hear Nina struggling between wrecked sobs, fast pacing around the room and a distant sound of water running non-stop. Hours passed, and he remained in the same position, in the same chair, with the same thoughts running wild inside him.

Not you. Please. I should've been there. I'm going to kill them. Please be okay. I can't do it without her. Please.

Kaz Brekker was repeating pleas, thinking out loud to whoever was listening. Let her live. Please let her live. This is not her fault. Not to a god, neither to those saints who proved to exist so many years ago. He didn't know who he was asking for help to. But he was screaming, please don't let her go. He was leaving with her if she did.

All sound stopped, and Nina emerged from the dimly lit room, drying her cheeks. The boy stood up, looking at her with the most terrified look he ever gave someone. Fuck the facade. He was utterly afraid. "She's okay, not waking up, but she will". He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and couldn't help but throw himself into Nina's arms in search for some comfort to his wrecked sobs.

His friend received him with open arms, careful not to squeeze him too hard, as she knew that could trigger him. "I can't lose her, Nina" he whimpered before pulling away. "You're not. Not now and not soon. She's okay, Kaz. Stay with her, will you? She could be a little startled if she wakes up in an empty room"

He almost scoffed at that. What else would he do? A quiet nod was delivered, and he stepped inside to accompany her in an uncharacteristically unsettling silence. There were dirty gauzes everywhere, her dirty dress discarded in a corner and a blanket covering her figure. Kaz stopped, looking at your chest. It rose and fell in a moderate rhythm. Good.

Taking a seat once again, he held her hand and brushed a thumb over it, grateful to whoever listened. And Nina.

Sun bled through the curtains, filling it all with a pleasant orange hue Kaz knew Y/N would appreciate. Jesper came by every few hours and amends were made. He understood how badly everything hit Kaz the day before and didn't need an apology. They were all under intense pressure the day before, couldn't blame him for a such a reaction. Wylan had brought flowers and Inej made sure everything was ready for when she regained consciousness.

His crows got it handled.

A whole day and a half had gone by and he was reading beside her when she woke up. Her hand moved and he could feel the twitch in his palm, looking up frantically to find those pretty y/e/c eyes looking back at him. "Finally, got some sleep," she joked and laughed at her own joke. Kaz laughed back. "Hello" he offered, kissing her hand and never really wanting to let go "Hi". "Are you feeling okay?" the boy asked, happy to see his lover once again awake.

"It hurts a bit but I'll live" "I'm counting on that, my love". ♡

#kaz brekker fluff #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker fic #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker #six of crows #six of crows x reader #grishaverse x reader #shadwo and bone netflix #crooked kingdom #freddy carter #shadow and bone season two #sab s2

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writersblockedx · 1 year

Text

Criminals and Crows

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader Summary - For the Crow's next job, they're in need of a pirate; Kaz tracks down you. But despite being the man to hire you, he's having a hard time trusting you. Warnings - mentions of violence, alcohol, sickness, I have no idea how ships work but I did my best at writing it. Words - 3.1K

Masterlist

There weren't many people Kaz Brekker trusted. In fact, when he thought on it, there was about zero people in which he trusted. Everyone he strung into his heists were a risk. He just made logical, pragmatic decisions on choosing who posed least threat. For awhile, that had consisted of Jesper and Inej. But with their newest heist, they were going to need a little more manpower than just the trio. More importantly, they were going to need a ship and a captain. In short, Kaz was going to need a pirate.

Through searching all of Ketterdamn, he located the least risk. Though, still a great risk: You.

Living in Ketterdamn meant you knew all about Kaz Brekker. And quite honestly, the stories told of him made sure you stayed away from his schemes and his need to fill his pockets with kruge. But he certainly knew how to make a deal.

"200 kruge." He had offered.

You looked at him through narrow eyes. In the midst of the Crow Club (something you too had consciously steered away from), you sat across from the man. The black sleeves of his shirt rolled up, his brows menacing as he slicked his hair back from his face. He was leaning as far back in his chair as he could, not making a move other than his lips. But you moved forward. Your elbows hit the woods of the table which was situated between the two of you. "You've told me nothing. I can't agree to anything yet." You scoffed at the way the man was playing this.

His eyes gave a glare but you doubted he didn't ever drop such glare. "You'll get more information when I know you're on board with this." He planned.

"I don't even know how far I'm taking you."

"As far as 200 kruge is worth." He said before standing abruptly, taking his cane back into his hold. But he didn't turn. Not right away. His glare burned down onto you as you stared up at him, trying to work out the thoughts which were stringing together in his mind. "I need an answer by dawn." With that, he left.

You stayed glued to that table in the Crow Club for the remainder of the night. Nursing a pint of ale, running through what was to gain by working with Kaz Brekker. And honestly, the decision to turn up the next day had come from a feeling of curiosity rather than searching for the need for another job. You had enough contenders when it came looking for kruge - but this was drowning in enigma, reeling you in like a fish a hook and you couldn't seem to resist.

Within six hours, as dawn hit and the sun danced in the sky once again, the Crow Club was nowhere near as busy. In fact, it was empty. Well, apart from the three figures that were crowded around a small table, papers littered between them. For a moment, you watched from afar, wondering if you might be able to catch word of their schemes. But you had failed. It didn't take long, just a footstep too loud for Inej to snap around. Her eyes gazed over you, narrow just like the way you looked to Kaz the night before; trying to figure you out.

Her head lifted as the two boys turned their heads to look at her. No one said anything at first but the air seemed filled with unspoken words. Then Kaz dragged himself up to his feet, "You came." He observed.

You didn't reply straight away. Instead, you took the next step down, continuing your walk across to where the trio were crowded. And you didn't say anything until your feet stopped, right in front of them. "A job's a job," You paused, jolting your gaze to Inej and Jesper. "Right?"

Kaz was watching you with careful eyes like he was watching a predator; one of which was unpredictable. And when you wandered around the table, passing Inej and Jesper, he didn't stop you. Your eyes danced between the papers, head tilted as you attempted to connect the dots in front of you. No one stopped you. So you reached your hand out, grasping one of them which provided you with the most information. "Erm," Called Jesper as he watched you. "Is she allowed to look at them?" He gazed back at his boss who gave no indication of not, so you continued.

You found yourself picking up a map with a red circle drawn around a certain town, "Caryeva?" You read the town out. And then you looked up, meeting directly with the eyes of Kaz Brekker. "That's where you want to go. Why?"

"It doesn't matter why, your job is to get us there." The man argued.

A huff fell from your lips as you dropped the paper back to the table, "You said I'd get more information when I was on board with this." You recalled.

Kaz gestured his hand to the paper you had just dropped, "That was your information." He said. "And from what I've heard, you don't quite possess much of a moral standing so I doubt it would matter if we told you our intentions or not." He went on - something of which you couldn't argue against. So, instead, you kept quiet. He took a step forward, facing you between the table with Inej and Jesper still lazily sat, looking up at the two like a fight was about to break out. Kaz reached for his pocket, pulling out a sachel. A heavy sachel which clanked against the wood of the table when it dropped. "That's 100. You'll get the rest when the job is done and you're still alive."

You didn't need to say anything; your glare did it all. But Kaz turned his back with that, walking away as you watched. And for a long moment, you stood there, gazing between the sachel and the empty space where Kaz had been standing. Both Inej and Jesper were awaiting what decision you made. They didn't quite care if they were honest. They needed a captain (and the ship that came with them), but that didn't exactly mean they needed you. But alas, your hand reached out, taking the kruger and leaving the Crow Club to await further instructions.

Kaz had planned to leave that night; dark and cloudy where their dark shadows couldn't be caught heading towards the docks where you were waiting. And their friendly welcome was no different. They each wore straight lines for smiles and held their hands like they were shaking to reach for a weapon.

"We all ready?" Kaz asked as he came right to the ship where you lingered in front of.

You glanced to Jesper and Inej who were holding boxes of Saints knows what, "All ready for Caryeva. For whatever it is you need to do that you won't tell me." It was a jab that hadn't all that much bothered any of them. They would much rather keep quiet than risk having their plans leaked by a captain who couldn't keep their mouths shut. But you took a step to the side, gesturing your hand for them to step on. "All aboard." You said through a dull tone as Kaz stepped on first, his cane hitting the wood of the ship with a thud. Inej followed and then Jesper who provided a salute - the only significant sign of a welcome you had gathered so far.

The trio were very much not used to ships, to sea, to the rocking and turning. When you got onto the boat yourself, you found that a glimpse of the trio was comparable to a bunny on a battle field. This wasn't their territory and it was so very obvious. "Sleeping quarters are down there," You pointed to the left where a hatch in the floor led to the rooms underground. "Front of the ship, Captain's quarters, my quarters, are here." With that, you gestured to the front of the boat where a door led to the wheel of the ship, the driver, the navigator, the captain.

The ship wasn't a huge one that was certain, but it would get this job done. Whatever that job was of course. They dropped their boxes and you unhooked the ropes which kept the ship tied to the dock. You weren't brought away from such task until a voice spoke up, "And where exactly would one be able to find the liquor on this ship?" You turned, finding Jesper wandering a few steps towards you, eyes bright and hungry for the drink he seemed in need of. "That is, assuming there is any, of course."

You looked down over at the man, the rope hanging from your grip, "That would be in the captain's quarter." You informed.

"Jesper," Came another voice, almost like a warning. "Aren't you going to be a bit busy?" Inej was pointing to the box the boy had just dropped. There was a glint in her eye, irritated in a sense, matching the warning which had littered her tone.

But Jesper didn't seem all that bothered by the girl's words. In fact, he shrugged, already walking towards the captain's quarters. "We've got time." He concluded. "Have one drink with me, please!"

Inej sighed, dropped her box, joining the boy as they slipped into the captain's quarters. Like that, your focus was drawn back to the ropes, unhooking them all before returning to the main deck where Kaz was already watching you. "Is that okay?" He asked.

You looked to him, brow raised, "What?"

His head nodded to the room across from you, where Jesper and Inej had just entered. "Jesper and Inej." He answered.

"Oh, yeah, fine." A smile graced your lips as to offer more assurance in that. "Might loosen their lips a little, find out what you crows are up to." It was a joke but Kaz wasn't laughing. However, your words had seemed to break that stern expression which seemed stuck to his face.

"Well, I guess I won't be drinking your pirate liquor then." He said; his voice so low it had almost been a whisper, his breath brushing against your skin.

And you returned the favour as you spoke in the same whisper, "You don't know what you're missing out on." Your smile twisted into a smirk. One which clung to playfulness and bathed in mischief. And Kaz seemed utterly entranced by such, his gaze seeming to lock onto your eyes like he was holding onto your hand as he hung over a cliff.

You started walking back, going to join the two crows in the captain's quarters. Your head flipped back around when you came to note Kaz wasn't trailing behind. "You're not gonna stay out here by yourself, are you?" With one brow raised, it seemed to convince him.

The room was centred around the wheel which looked out the front of the ship. Maps were scattered everywhere, on counters which lined the walls and the main map table which was situated behind the steering wheel. The room was lit by one hanging light which was known to swing dependent on the steadiness of the tide. And as Jesper had so effortlessly got his fingers on: the liquor cabinet. Filled with fine wines and ales you had collected over your years of travelling. All of which was now being poured into the cup of a crow.

Jesper fell into the Captain's chair, swinging his legs up onto the map table as if he were at home. A sigh left his lips, "You know, maybe sea travel isn't all that bad." He observed, letting his eyes flutter close.

"That's because we haven't started moving yet." You explained, shoving his legs from the table with a gentle push while making your way behind the wheel. "Hope none of you get sea sick." And with that, you manoeuvred the boat as well as possible for a captain with no crew.

Inej took a seat across from Jesper. And, unlike he, she didn't swing her legs on top of the map table like it were a footrest. "Yeah, I don't really think drinking is gonna help with the sea sickness." She critiqued.

Jesper shrugged, the cup hovering right by his lips. "The consequences of my own actions." Like that, like it was such a spilt second matter, he took a long hard swig of the liquor. It seemed everyone but Jesper could see how this was going to end.

An hour or so had passed and you swore the boy was turning green. But he pushed through his facade, trying to keep it up until he physically couldn't. His body was swaying against the tide and he hadn't dared take any more drink from the cup. When he went to stand, it was abrupt and because of such, he had so easily almost fallen flat on his face "Woah!" He sung as Inej's hands trapped onto his shoulder in an attempt to keep him steady.

"I told you." The girl seethed, forced to keep him upright. Then she turned to you, "Where's the sleeping quarters?"

You nodded from behind the wheel, "Across the main deck, down on the bottom." And like that, the two were whisked away, leaving Kaz and yourself to your devices.

It was suddenly deathly silent. The sound of Jesper uneasy groans that once echoed the room were now absent. Instead, it was the silent tension that resided between the two of you. You had caught a glance of the man, watching as he ached over the papers in front of him. You couldn't work out if the boy was stressed or if this was his natural position. To combat the silence, you gambled your safety in speaking up, "You okay?" Surely that could do no harm.

Oh, how wrong you had been.

A huff fell from his lips as he shot the paper from his hands, "Because of Jesper's choice to get black-out drunk, it's left me to do what he was meant to." He explained, irritation dripping from his tongue.

You watched him through narrowed eyes. Just like the first time; trying to figure him out. And when you gambled your safety more, you dared to draw closer to him. "I could always help." You offered as his eyes finally fell to your figure. "Unless, of course, you don't trust me for anything other than getting you there and back."

A long moment passed. One in which you could tell Kaz was weighing up his options, working out whether this was a safe option. When the moment passed, he shoved a small wooden box across to you. "We need at least five grenades."

You tried your best to not look shocked, but you had failed in doing such. "Grenades?" You reiterated, peeking inside the box which was waiting in front of you.

Kaz looked to you, a glint in his eyes that you couldn't quite work out. "Who did you think you were working with?" Suppose he made a good point.

You glanced back at the box. Then you took one glimpse of Kaz, still bent over those papers and this planning which needed perfecting by the time they made it to the docks. With that, your hand reached in, taking the parts of the weapon which need constructing. Without a word, you did it, moulding the parts together to create some deathly weapon you had no idea were being used for. After the second one was finished, your curiosity was killing you. You checked Kaz first, checking it was safe to push this very distinct line he had drawn. But you decided to push to it. "What are the grenades for?"

He stopped. His whole body seemed to pause before he gazed over at you. "What are they usually used for?" There was still a snap in his tone but you assumed it was rare it ever left the tip of his tongue. But you took that as your answer and dipped your head back to the task at hand. Kaz had watched you. And when you came back with no quipped reply, he knew he should probably say something. And as a long moment passed and you started to accept that Kaz Brekker's friendship was not something you were about to gain, he broke the silence. "They're gonna be a distraction." He informed.

You looked up, finding his eyes already trailing you. With one brow quirked, you said, "So you're not killing people then?" You queried.

Kaz's head shook, "No. Though, I can't promise that Inej won't stab someone in the wrong place."

You dropped the equipment back in the box, letting your palms grip against the table as you stared over at the man. "And who are you distracting?" By the change in his expression, it looked as if he were hesitant. "Look, I've come this far, you may as well tell me. Even if I wanted to betray your stupid plan, three against one? I'm not that stupid."

Those words seemed to prompt something. Kaz stood from his chair, wandering around the table until he came only inches from you. "Someone stole from me." He finally informed.

"And you're going after them?" You questioned. "What'd they steal? A few knives? Some ale?"

"Doesn't matter what they stole." He told you. "You have to make an example of people."

Your head tilted, finding that this was the closest to the man you had ever been. And for some reason, that fact had erupted a swirling feeling in the pit of your stomach. Ever so close that if something were to-

The tide shifted the ship. Just a wave. But a wave which was hard enough to shift your feet as you tumbled forward. In a moment, Kaz had a hand around you and you had a hand steady on his chest. The wave passed and you steadied yourself. But neither of you dropped your touch. Instead, your eyes slowly dragged to meet his gaze which was already situated on you. And like something was washing over you, a gut instinct, you leaned in. You leaned right into his lips as they met. Such a sweet, soft kiss which had seemed to encompass the tension which had only been building since you first laid eyes on Kaz Brekker.

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meadowscarlet · 2 years

Text

cinnamon girl ━━━ kaz brekker.

pairings: kaz brekker x fem!reader.

summary: everyone had their own dark history that formed them into a foreboding person, and kaz was no exception; he had his fair share of demons, but he was itching to discover about yours and why you loathe the feeling of touch as much as he did but seek solace from him.

warnings: mentions of abuse and brief spoilers of kaz's backstory.

author’s note: i know i said i won't repost my old fics but i'm currently in a writing block and can't post anything so have this plus i missed kaz. do not copy, post on another site, translate or claim any of my works as your own or you will be reported! nav.

Ketterdam is not a pleasant and welcoming city. In the filthy, morally repugnant, and dangerous place, battered and wounded individuals on the verge of death, criminals, thieves, and sinners were discovered. The city had corrupted the people with its savagery, where compassion and benevolence are seen as vulnerabilities, and it was irredeemable, tainting the citizens with the city's unrighteousness.

The Crows were no exception. They were also impacted by the darkness that Ketterdam had plagued them with; regardless of how young they were, whether a girl or a boy, they would be painted with the city's malice. Everyone had their own demons, something dreadful had occurred to them—it didn't matter what it was, for the demons and the city had shaped them into a person with a dark heart and a desire for cruelty.

Kaz had personal knowledge with this. He had been altered, like so many others, by the vile city's relentless brutality. With his sinister demeanor, or his lethal cane, where he might break a leg, or change a man's fortune, he was known as Dirtyhands. People feared him, and some had always wondered what had happened to Kaz Brekker to make him so merciless.

Of course, everything remained a mystery since no one dared to cross Kaz, including the Crows who were usually with him. They didn't want to meet death by Brekker's gloved hands just yet, even though they were plainly intrigued about the cunning yet deadly thief. The tragedy that transformed Kaz into the person he is today remained hidden, and others speculated that the city had done nothing to him and that he was born wicked.

They were not corrected by Kaz.

Matthias refers to him as demjin, which means demon in Fjerdan. It didn't bother Kaz; they could call him whatever they wanted; at the very least, they'd know he wasn't someone to tamper with. After all, he had a reputation to uphold, and if people feared him, then so be it. Kaz enjoyed the feeling of authority and domination among fools, and he relished seeing people's terror whenever he was near.

He was certain that he was born with a terribly malevolent nature. That perhaps the shadows had been there all along, seething inside only to become stronger when the feeling of vengeance overwhelmed him after a life full of treachery and violence, after Jordie's death and everything else that had made Kaz miserable before. He had his own darkness, but it was at odds with yours.

How did you wind up with him and the Crows in Ketterdam?

Kaz remembered the day he first met you as if it had been scorched into his mind. Your hair was escaping out of its hair tie, framing your face in a frenetic and wild yet compelling way. You appeared to be running, your movements swift and efficient; you seemed to be young, similar to Kaz's age, yet there was still a youthful simplicity in you, one that he had lost a long time ago, buried in the waters and deepest depths of it.

He might have gone about his business; after all, the last thing on his mind was a girl, agitated and wounded amidst the city of Ketterdam's well-known lack of morality. To Kaz, it's a common sight, one that would even amuse him, but when he first saw you, there was something unusual about you. He didn't feel sorry for you but you seemed to be a fresh face, and Kaz Brekker must know everyone in the city. He needed to keep a watchful eye on everyone, especially any potential enemies.

On a dreary night in Ketterdam, where Kaz could hear the same rattling noises and smell the foul stench of blood and sins outside, he focused instead on the kruge on his table. He was counting everything carefully and silently, and when he heard the familiar faint footsteps, he didn't stop. Kaz didn't look up at the person, instead continuing to stare at the kruge as if it were about to vanish from his grasp.

After a brief pause, he finally looked up.

He wasn't surprised to see her. “Hello, Inej.”

Inej approached Kaz, who was standing behind the table, and gave him a distinctive nod as he looked down and arranged the kruge on the table. Her movements were light and stealthy, like the Wraith she was and Kaz suspected she had something to tell him. Inej only came to his office when she had something important to tell Kaz.

“I’m hoping you're not here to waste my time,” Kaz remarked, his voice flat and uninterested as usual. “Any valuable information?”

“It's about the girl,” Inej started.

Kaz made a gesture of paying attention to her, but he was still gazing down at his money. “Girl?”

He could hear Inej's footsteps getting closer until she was directly across from him. “The one you said I should look into to find out who she is.”

For the first time since Inej went to his office, Kaz looked up with a gleam of pure interest in his dark eyes. “I'm listening.”

“She's a fresh face in the city—I once followed her on her way and discovered she lived near an elderly couple's bakery. She is new here in Ketterdam, and I hadn't heard about her until you told me to keep an eye on her,” Inej stated passively. “But, she is skillful. She was in a frenzy as she realized I was following her, so she became alarmed and attacked me.”

Kaz became increasingly intrigued. “Tell me you didn't kill her.”

Inej's dark eyes were frowning, but behind her mask and the darkness, Kaz couldn't see her entire face. “I didn't and I wouldn't,” she said bluntly, as if the answer was self-evident. “She's brilliant, and despite being new to Ketterdam, she's already proven her potential.”

“What is her name?”

“Y/N L/N.” Inej replied. “Why the sudden interest in her?”

“Always be cautious of new people; they are unaccustomed with the ambience of Ketterdam, and it is wiser to get to know them before they identify themselves,” Kaz counseled. “She may be destructive, but based on what you said, she's entirely harmless.”

Inej shook her head, disbelieving. “Did the word ‘skillful’ escape your notice?”

Kaz wore a vacant smile. “I heard you just fine.”

“Kaz,” she said, her voice warning. “What are your intentions with her?”

“I won't kill her, if that's what you're wondering.”

Inej's eyes glowed with understanding, and Kaz battled the impulse to roll his eyes; why did it take her so long to realize?

Inej remarked, “You're recruiting her in the Dregs.”

Kaz only wore a pleased expression.

You had adjusted well once you were recruited in the Dregs. Kaz remembered how, to his astonishment, a gun greeted his temple when he walked inside a small, cluttered space that he knows you call home. He followed Inej's directions, and your small abode was definitely close to the bakery run by an elderly couple. He could still remember the smell of the lingering pastries even in the middle of a wretched place you called home.

Kaz could see the survival instinct you implemented in your small home where there was collected foods, knives placed on the couch, and a blanket applied as a cover for the windows, and he observed his fascination with your cautiousness. You only let go of the gun after he assured you that he meant no harm and that he had a proposition for you.

That's how it all began. When Inej indicated you were competent, she was right. With the jobs Kaz had given you, you were swift and clever, as well as flawless. Perhaps your accomplishments were a way of repaying Kaz for providing you with a secure place to sleep and have a modest shelter. Not only that, but you'd formed close friendships with the Barrel's employees, particularly the Crows.

You were particularly fond of Inej. The one-time attack and brief fight against one another became a laughing memory as you both reminisced about it whenever you had the opportunity. There was no scorching animosity between you two, and you became inseparable as the days passed. Kaz remembered you blabbering your apologies to Inej after stabbing her in the leg when you realized she was following you. Inej could only chuckle heartily.

Matthias seemed to like you, much to Kaz's great shock, and he could see how you both chatted and spoke about things after each heist. Nina had mentioned that it was mundane at job when it was just her and Inej as the girls, and you were a wonderful addition. She had been pushing Kaz to make you a Crow for a while, but Kaz thought you weren't ready. You were only needed on occasion, not every time they pulled off a job.

You bonded well with Wylan as well, but Kaz sensed your apprehension towards Jesper. Kaz was initially perplexed; Jesper was a naturally cheerful person, and everyone seemed to enjoy his company. Not that you dreaded it, rather Kaz could always recall your laughter whenever Jesper cracked a joke—a laugh he grew terribly fond of.

Jesper, on the other hand, is far too friendly, and Kaz would be lying if he said he didn't notice the dread expression on your face whenever someone came close to you or when Jesper put his elbow on your shoulder.

Kaz began to observe you more intently after seeing that, as if he hadn't already. He believed he had made the right decision in recruiting you. You were special, enthusiastic, and the light of the Barrel. Kaz didn't think you'd fit in well with the city's grim environment at first, and he didn't want you to get further corrupted by the violence.

But Kaz had entirely overlooked and dismissed what had transpired to you and how you had landed up in Ketterdam.

Every day, Kaz's inexplicable fondness for you grew stronger. You and Kaz have a contentious relationship; unlike the rest of the Crows, you didn't necessarily converse and blabber to him, nor did you laugh and tease with him like you did with Inej and Jesper, but there was a wordless distinctive connection between you and Kaz.

Your patience and presence were the attributes he admired the most in you. Kaz wasn't easy to talk to or even tolerate—he's closed off and harsh—but whatever nonsense Saints Inej believed in seemed to bring you to Ketterdam to soften his roughness. In his world of darkness, Kaz didn't believe in miracles or light, but you were there, proving that there is still some good in the world.

Kaz had intended to fire you at that time.

He had questioned Inej about your misfortune and how you ended up in Ketterdam. Inej only shook her head and mumbled something about your past being none of her business. You were shut off as well, but unlike Kaz, you shine with gentleness and radiance, masking whatever darkness you may have. Matthias would grumble under his breath whenever you greeted Kaz in the morning with a big smile.

Matthias had once growled, “The demjin doesn't deserve such pleasant smiles.”

You only shook your head, as delicate and gentle as you were. “Even if it's seldom or undeserved, everyone deserves a little bit of decency.”

That's when Kaz realized you were mistaken. He didn't deserve such remedy from you—you and him had a routine where you'd read a book in his office or simply admire the moon and stars at night, the moonlight shining in your face and making you look stunning. There was no talking, just stillness. Kaz was always busy making plans and would occasionally glance at you.

Your very presence made him feel calmer, and whenever you came to visit his office, which had previously been dark, was replaced with a strange sense of peace. Kaz was hesitant to make you a Crow for a reason, selfish if it was. He didn't want to expose you completely to his enemies, risking you being wounded or worse, killed. He knows you're talented and all, but he let his vanity get the best of him, and to his horror, his worry.

He valued your tranquility, but he also sought your voice—he wanted you to talk excitedly about anything, and if your silence had soothed him, what more could your voice possibly have done? But maybe it was all one-sided, and you're only there with Kaz because you owe him courtesy, and maybe you've never liked him, and you're just doing this benevolence to him to act with integrity.

Kaz wouldn't blame you.

Kaz despised weakness, and he knew he couldn't just have you rot in the streets, no matter how he felt—and he questioned why he was feeling anything at all. He was ruthless, but he didn't want to hurt someone who had been nothing but pleasant and selfless. He didn't want to take away your friendship or the comfort you found in the Barrel.

He did not want you to go.

Kaz was disturbed by the thought.

Everyone was fast asleep, exhausted from the job they had just completed, so they chatted and ate waffles—Nina's suggestion—to calm their anxieties before retiring to their various rooms. Only the Crows were required for the job, and Kaz had assumed you were probably sleeping in your room as he lingered at the table with Jesper, who was elated from the successful completion of the job.

To Kaz's relief, Jesper yawned and stood up, but before walking away, he stopped and beamed even brighter and exclaimed, “Y/N!”

Kaz took a look around and spotted you. You approached them with a relieved expression on your face, a book in your hand, and no indication of drowsiness on your face. You gave a small smile as you met Kaz's gaze, which had not left yours, and then turned to face Jesper.

Jesper shifted his gaze between you and Kaz, then back to you, and Kaz swore he glimpsed a smirk on the Zemeni's face. “I'll talk to you tomorrow, gorgeous,” he says, “I’m exhausted, goodnight.”

Kaz watched Jesper approaching you and saw him about to hug you before deciding against it and giving you a wink before passing you by. It made Kaz frown.

“Aren't you tired?” you began as you sat across from him, helping yourself to the last waffles.

Kaz noticed this was the start of a conversation—he expected you to be silent as you eat and enjoy each other's company, but you spoke to him, and to his chagrin, a tightrope in his stomach loosened and made him feel relaxed.

“Why aren't you asleep yet?”

Your eyes squinted when the topic shifted, but you shrugged it off. “I wasn't tired.”

“That makes it the both of us.”

Kaz sat back and enjoyed your chuckle. The sounds it made were like a stack of kruge tumbling from his table. He was trying to memorize the cadence of your laugh. He shook his head, hating the thoughts that overwhelm him, but he couldn't help himself—it was only you and him, in the middle of the night, and there was no silence.

“No one got hurt?” you muttered as you bit into your waffle.

“We're fine,” Kaz said, pleased as he saw your eyes brighten. “The job was successful.”

Kaz has a keen ability to read people and can tell you were worried, which could explain why you weren't asleep. You had been waiting for their arrival. Or maybe it was just the other Crows and not him and Kaz didn't realize he was staring until you said spoke.

“I know questions are etched on your face,” you said. implying that he wasn't the only one who can easily read people. “What is it, Kaz?”

He was taking a risk, but he couldn't help but ask the question that had been nagging him since the first time he saw you. “How did you end up in Ketterdam?”

You remained silent for a moment, staring down at your waffle, before speaking softly enough for Kaz to mistake it for a faint hum. “I… wanted a way out.”

He almost laughed. “What could be worse than Ketterdam?”

You raised your eyes to Kaz, your expression solemn, the brightness that had warmed him faded. “Believe it or not, Ketterdam has seemed like home to me. It's the closest thing I've ever felt to refuge here, despite the fact that it's brutal. It was the first time I felt secure.”

The first time? Kaz thought.

“The people, too,” you continued, “Inej, Nina, Jesper, Matthias, Wylan. And… you Kaz.”

“What happened to you, Y/N?” Kaz struggled to hide his uneasiness in his tone. “Has anyone ever treated you with such safety and tranquility?”

“No,” you said softly and unsteadily. “You were the first who ever did.”

Kaz noticed tears threatening to spill from your eyes and decided he couldn't bear you being so vulnerable—it wasn't like you. “Talk to me, L/N.”

“When my mother left when I was six, my father became sorrowful, unhappy, and enraged, and he let all of his aggression out on me,” you explained, your voice strained. “He does things to me that no parent should ever do to their child.”

Kaz was filled with a searing and inexplicable rage. But he kept his cool by clutching his cane tightly in his hands, as if striving to maintain composure. He listened intently as you spoke, satisfied that you had put your trust in him to speak about something that had been a lingering memory. He observed you playing with your hands at the table, the waffle long forgotten.

His voice was like a promise of violence. “Why?”

You shrugged, a small, pained smile on your face. “People end up doing things they don't want to do, but sometimes they can't do anything to stop it. My father had no one else to release his frustrations on, so he did it to me, and after that, he'd apologize and hug me while crying.”

Kaz felt compelled to say something to you since you had put your trust in him, and it was only fair that he reciprocated it. “I had never been treated with kindness and tenderness by anyone. You were also the first one who did.”

“I owe you, Kaz.”

“You owe me nothing,” Kaz immediately responded.

“You saved my life,” you said.

Kaz locked his gaze on you, seeking to grasp the details of whatever it was he was enamored of. “I'd do it all over again. I can't guarantee you peace or liberty, but you will never be treated the way your father treated you. I won't let it happen.”

It was then that you both realized that when the day ended and night came, you would seek one other's solace. Two souls that had their own painful memories and had never known serenity before connected and shared it.

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a-reverii · 7 months

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▸ YANDERE KAZ BREKKER HEADCANNONS

⋮ content warning ━ ꒰ stalking ; kidnapping ; murder ; drugging ; mentions of death ; mentions of heists & thievery ; brief strong language ; no pronouns for reader ; etc. based off this request. ꒱

━━ ( navigation ) ( masterlist ) ( request )

When Kaz realizes his feelings for you, at first, he wants nothing more than to bury them far below the ground and to forget about them. After all, he's Dirtyhands — Bastard of the Barrel and the closest thing there'd ever to be its king. He doesn't have the luxury of exploring how much further these feeling for you go — not when his entire focus is on getting revenge from Pekka Rollins and making enough kruge to swim in.

So he keeps his feelings hidden, buried deep within the most obscure crevices of his heart. And this works, for a time. Kaz is no stranger to ignoring his emotions, and focusing on his wealth and his revenge has never been a foreign concept to him.

That is, until you get hurt — which, in a place such as Ketterdam, is inevitable.

From there on out, Kaz realizes how important you truly are to him. And, although he'd rather pull his eye out than admit his true feelings, he learns to accept them.

You're a weakness, but one he can't afford to lose.

He remembers how distraught he'd been over Jordie's death vividly, remembers it all too well. He didn't intend on you being a repeat of his brother, even if Jordie's death was only a result of the boy's own naivety.

Kaz begins to slowly remove you from the more dangerous tasks, instead opting hire other members of the Dregs to take your place on most expeditions and heists. He doesn't want you to know of his plans — not yet, and he was no stranger to waiting.

He starts to have some members of the Dregs keep track of you and tell him of your daily activities. It was necessary, he'd argue, to ensure that you remain safe if he wasn't there to protect you, and in Ketterdam, the more eyes he had on you, the better.

Kaz also begins to watch you whenever he can. Some would call it deranged, and maybe it is, but he couldn't care less. All that matters is that he knows where you are at all times, whether you yourself know it or not.

Anyone who he deems a threat, Kaz kills in cold blood, whatever the reason may be. Someone who so much as looks at you for too long may be put in peril, and he isn't past hurting, maiming, and blackmailing to get the message across that you're off limits.

If Kaz were to decide to kidnap you, it would be after much planning and careful consideration. He knows you'd be mad. He knows you'd be scared out of your mind — that you'd be scared of him. But you'd be safe; he'd make sure of that. And if you're safe, what else truly mattered?

Kaz is certain to make sure that you're unconscious when he takes you, but takes some chloroform in the case that you wake up. He isn't particularly keen on taking any chances, especially with you. If he sees you stir, he won't hesitate to place a rag over your mouth to keep you asleep. There wasn't any room for mistake in his plan.

When you awake, you find yourself in an unfamiliar room. For the most part, that is. Items of yours or those that bare an eerie likeness to your own items are scattered about the room, all in a very clean fashion. In fact, the more you stare, the more you find that the room looks almost like your own. The bedsheets are the same color as your own ones, the layout quite similar, too. Though you'd never had much of a say in how your last bedroom appeared, it chilled you down to your core to think of why this one seemed to be a recreation of yours.

When you first see Kaz, you almost want to laugh at the absurdity of it all, but the look he gives you makes you shudder instead. Whatever reason you had woken up in a bed that wasn't your own in a room that wasn't your own, wasn't good if he was involved.

If you're terrified of him, Kaz doesn't seem to care. In fact, he's so indifferent to your plight that sometimes you wonder if the real reason he took you was because he loved you, but you weren't in any position to ask.

Kaz isn't one for physical affection, so instead he prefers to spoil you with anything you want. His methods of getting certain items aren't always conventional, or legal, for that matter, but he's never been one for following the rules.

It's nearly impossible to escape wherever he brings you. Being the master of lock-picking, Kaz is sure to make every lock fool-proof, to reinforce every door. On top of this, he ensures that no one knows of the location to which he takes you, even if he has to bloody his hands to make sure that he's the only one with the knowledge. As it was said: Kaz doesn't like taking chances, especially with you.

Now, this being said, if you do manage to escape, Kaz will go into something of a manic frenzy. He'd done nearly everything to stop you from escaping, and yet you still managed to slip from his grasp.

From there on out he'd spend all of his time searching for you, the rest of his duties be damned. He'd made a promise to himself that he wouldn't lose you — not like he lost Jordie — and he wasn't planning on breaking it.

It wouldn't take long for him to find you. Whether you were still in the woods or whatever deserted land he'd situated the house in, or you'd managed to make it back to the city, rest assured, you'd be found.

"Try to leave again, and I'll break your fucking neck."

It wasn't true, of course. Kaz couldn't harm a hair on your head — not if he tried. But he wasn't above other measures that included hurting the people you loved and scaring you out of your wits, so it was best to simply let yourself believe his lie.

Overall, Kaz is most likely one of, if not the most dangerous person in all of Ketterdam to have an obsession with you. They say he'd do anything for money, but what he'd do just to have you couldn't even compare. He's not past killing everyone you've ever known just to make you compliant, and maybe he even finds some sick joy in it — your fear, your utter desperation. He revels in it.

But, at the very least he'll keep you safe, and at the end of the day, that's what everyone in Ketterdam wants, isn't it?

After all, he'd always told you he protects his investments.

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jahayla-parker · 9 months

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Foolish One : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 4.7k wc, angst set to the tale of Foolish One by Taylor Swift. Reader has feelings for Kaz and her wishful thinking results in her suffering from a heartbreaking realization when Inej returns.

Warnings: angst, heartbreak, sadness, crying, unrequited? feelings, SoC standard triggers/topics, no happy ending

Y/n stifled her hopeful smile as she knocked on Kaz’s door. Upon hearing his gruff voice express she could enter, y/n took an anxious breath as she turned the doorknob leading to his office. “Morning, Kaz,” y/n greeted sweetly, stepping into his workspace.

Kaz looked up from his desk. While it wasn’t a smile, the edges of his lips did curl up faintly in response to y/n’s greeting. He knew of her feelings towards him. Normally that would mean pushing her away, but since Inej had left them, he’d been trying to be better at these things. As such, Kaz had been working on being warmer and less harsh towards y/n. He figured if he could, maybe he had a chance of one day being in a semi-normal relationship.

Y/n gracefully crossed the room and sat in the chair across the desk from Kaz. She was always careful to respect his boundaries. As such, y/n kept her hands in her lap instead of fiddling with the new set of pens on his desk.

Kaz picked up on y/n’s gaze and a smirk took over his face. “You can play with them if you’d like,” he offered civilly. “There’s no need to drool over pens,” Kaz joked in a monotonous tone.

Y/n felt her cheeks warm rapidly in embarrassment. She gave Kaz a small grateful smile before she reached across the space between them to grab one of the pens. As y/n spun one of the new pens in between her fingers -her eyes scanning the shiny device-, she couldn’t help but wonder if this was a sign from Kaz.

Y/n had developed a crush on her boss -and friend- Kaz Brekker about a year ago. She never acted on it, assuming it was one-sided and fruitless. But, over the last few months, things seemed to change. Kaz was friendlier, more open about things (albeit minor things, but it was still progress), sought her out to help on things she suspected he didn’t actually need her assistance with, and overall made it seem like maybe, just maybe, he was interested in her too. Y/n’s foolish heart clung onto that hope and belief from the very first sign. Now she was in too deep. After all, Kaz was only simply letting y/n play with the pens on his desk, and she was taking it as a small gesture of his affection.

Jesper had tried to keep y/n’s crushing heart more grounded, worrying her feelings towards Kaz wouldn’t end well. While he’d have to admit that he had seen the way the Bastard of the Barrel was softer towards y/n than he was to the other Crows or Dregs, Jesper didn’t want y/n to get her hopes up. He knew Kaz wasn’t capable of being clear about his feelings and didn’t want y/n to get caught up in all of that. He’d seen it happen to himself and Inej already.

Jesper knew y/n was an incredible person, and it wasn’t that he didn’t think she was worthy of Kaz’s attention or romantic interest. Instead, he didn’t think Kaz was worthy of y/n’s affection. Wylan had kept Jesper from interfering with whatever was transpiring between Kaz and y/n as of late. But, that didn’t mean that Jesper didn’t see it and worry about what was going on.

As great as y/n was, Jesper knew she wasn’t the exception. He knew Kaz would never be able to offer y/n what she was looking for, what he and the other Crows knew she deserved. Nevertheless, he saw y/n’s hope lift anytime Kaz showed her any attention or consideration. Jesper tried to warn y/n not to stitch her happiness to someone like Kaz, much less to Kaz’s cold and distant heart; but she didn’t want to hear it.

In fact, even when there were warning signs that something wasn’t right, y/n’s wishful thinking took over and brushed those fears away. For example, in the last few days, she’d been getting less and less from Kaz. Y/n had heard from Inej that she was returning to Ketterdam in the next few days. She knew Kaz was aware of this as well as their group had discussed it the other night over dinner. Yet, instead of connecting the dots between Kaz’s sudden shift in attention and this simultaneously learned fact, y/n ignorantly disregarded it.

Y/n didn’t often fall this hard. In fact, she had started to move past her crush on Kaz until he began treating her as if she had a chance. By now, he’d manage to give y/n just enough attention to keep her hopes too high and block out the voices of reason in her mind. She wasn’t usually known to be foolish, otherwise she’d likely have never been part of the Dregs; much less made a Crow. But, when it came to Kaz, things were different.

No amount of reasoning voices in y/n’s mind could keep her from falling harder and harder for the Bastard of the Barrel. She didn’t need Jesper’s friendly -yet protective- warnings about the situation. Y/n’s own mind had told her all of those same sentiments already. Yet, she nonetheless found herself sinking further into her wishful thinking more every night.

“You can keep that one,” Kaz offered, his rough voice cracking through the thoughts in y/n’s mind.

“Huh?” Y/n mumbled as she tried to refocus on the present moment. “Sorry, what?” She asked, looking up from the pen. Y/n’s eyes met Kaz’s for a brief second before he looked away.

“It’s nothing special,” Kaz muttered casually. “So you can have it,” he said, waving his gloved hand dismissively.

Y/n’s heart flittered with hope at the notion. Even if he claimed it wasn’t special, y/n knew Kaz only offered her the pen because of how she’d been staring at it for so long just now. The fact Kaz was freely offering her something of his, something so new and shiny no less, made y/n’s chest feel warm.

“Oh,” y/n smiled lightly. Truthfully, she didn’t care about the pen. It had merely been where her eyes had chosen to land as she daydreamed about her situation with Kaz. But, she cherished the sentiment from Kaz. “Thank you,” y/n replied, hooking her fingers around the pen tightly.

Y/n sighed to herself as she watched the sun set. She rubbed her arms aggressively with her cold hands in an attempt to stay warm despite the chilly air. Y/n should’ve known she’d be alone tonight. She had invited Kaz to join her, hoping watching the sunset would help him decompress after their failed heist earlier today.

Kaz had agreed to meet her, but didn’t say when he’d be out. As such, y/n had been sitting out here for awhile before the sun began to set. Normally she wouldn’t have waited so long for someone to show up to an agreed upon event. But, Kaz knew how to keep her waiting. In fact, he actually said he’d come tonight. So, even as y/n watched the sun disappear behind the horizon, she told herself maybe something came up that prevented Kaz from joining her like he’d said.

When y/n made it back to the Slat, she quickly learned she was correct; something had come up. Y/n rounded the corner near Kaz’s office and heard Inej’s voice. She was back earlier than expected. Normally this would’ve made y/n happy as it had been awhile since she’d last seen her friend. Only, she could see the agonizing closeness between Inej and Kaz.

It wasn’t just a metaphorical closeness either. Kaz allowed Inej to stand mere inches from him, his gloved hand resting on Inej’s clothed arm. Y/n knew the two had been close friends, or what amounted to a close friendship for someone like Kaz. But, she couldn’t help but feel jealous as she witnessed the two sharing a look as if silently communicating something with just their eyes. As metaphorically and literally close as y/n had gotten to Kaz lately, both achievements were easily outdone by the scene before her.

Y/n went to back up, hoping to quietly flee the scene. Only, her heel smacked into the corner loudly. She winced as Inej and Kaz parted instantly and looked her way. She pasted on a fake smile as Inej grinned upon seeing her.

“Y/n, oh hey!” Inej exclaimed. She stepped away from Kaz and neared her friend, a smile gracing her lips as she did. Inej watched y/n’s eyes flicker to Kaz for a split second before looking away and then back at Inej.

Y/n hugged Inej as she acted like she was fine. It wasn’t the first time she had to seem bulletproof around Kaz. But, this time it hurt more as it involved her friend as well. She didn’t feel like she even had the right to feel this way. Y/n knew she couldn’t call Kaz hers. Yet, these last few months had her thinking one day he’d come around and that maybe, someday, when they were older, the miscommunication and longing was something they would laugh about.

Y/n ignored the way she could feel Kaz’s eyes on her as she greeted Inej with faux enthusiasm. She couldn’t wouldn’t show weakness or sorrow. She didn’t have the right to. And y/n had seemingly misunderstood the connection she felt she and Kaz were forming these last few months. So, she would act as if as if she were fine.

“We need to catch up!” Inej exclaimed, squeezing y/n’s arm lovingly. She slid her hand down until she reached y/n’s palm and then interlaced their fingers. Inej looked over her shoulder as she offered Kaz a soft smile before guiding her friend from the room.

Y/n kept a false smile painted on her lips as she silently walked with Inej. She felt bad for not being super excited to see her friend. But, she couldn’t help it. Kaz had once again given y/n just enough to keep her guessing and waiting, but not enough to know where she truly stood.

Was Kaz interested in y/n? Was he interested in Inej? Saints! Was Kaz even interested in anyone at all? Y/n didn’t know. But the voices of reason in her head kept trying to warn her that something’s really not right. Nonetheless, y/n’s foolish heart allowed her wishful thinking to cloud those warnings. Kaz simply missed Inej. Besides, Kaz and Inej had been friends much longer than Kaz even knew y/n, it made sense that they’d be closer. Surely it didn’t automatically mean anything more than that.

Or at least that’s what y/n’s foolish heart allowed her to believe. Even as she laid on Inej’s bed -the one Kaz left unoccupied even as the Dregs grew in size- listening to her friend catch her up on her adventures, y/n ignored the mention of how Kaz had written Inej multiple times during her trip. Kaz didn’t write or try to communicate with y/n when she’d been gone on a few week long trip for a personal matter. Y/n assumed it was because that just wasn’t Kaz’s thing. But now, it seemed like he was perfectly capable of doing it, he just hadn’t. At least not when it came to y/n. Y/n’s mind screamed at her that Y/n clearly wasn’t the exception to Kaz’s shutdown persona. But once again, she let her foolish heart and wishful thinking mute those voices of reason. Kaz was new to this whole romance thing, that’s likely all it was.

Y/n stuck to that notion even as she laid wide awake in her bed that night. She could faintly hear Kaz talking to Inej, their muffled voices seeping through the old floorboards of the room above hers. While she couldn’t make out what was being said, y/n could tell by her friends’ tones that they were both interested in whatever the discussion was. Y/n could tell they were both too intrigued with the conversation to even consider saying goodnight to her much less keep her company tonight. So, once again, the way she had during various times when Kaz would inexplicably shut her out again for a bit, y/n talked herself to sleep again.

Unable to fall back asleep, y/n rubbed the fatigue from her eyes and rose out of her bed. She’d woken up to yet another nightmare. They weren’t foreign to her at this point, so she knew how to handle it. As such, Y/n groggily tiptoed down to the main level in search of some water and maybe a snack.

In her exhausted and still slightly on edge state, y/n hadn’t paid attention to the fact that there were a faint amber glow showing underneath the door to the kitchen. This meant, she unexpectedly came face to face with the scene on the other side of the door upon sleepily entering the kitchen. Y/n’s eyes widened and her hands instinctively lifted up in surrender as she took note of what she’d walked in on.

Inej was standing before Kaz in a tank top, her back to him. Kaz was behind Inej, a wet washcloth in one hand and a needle in the other. Both of Kaz’s hands were uncovered; he’d removed his gloves, for Inej. The slight maroon tint staining the washcloth told y/n that Kaz was attending to a wound on Inej’s back.

Y/n quickly glanced away from her friends, her eyes dashing to the grungy floor beneath her now shaking legs. “I-I.. I’m sorry,” she mumbled bashfully.

“It’s fine y/n/n,” Inej assured her.

Y/n could hear the slight disappointment in Inej’s voice loudly in the otherwise quiet room. It confirmed for y/n that whatever she’d walked in on was as intimate as it had looked. Y/n shook her head, trying to keep her tears away. She could do this, she could act bulletproof. She’d done it countless times now, surely she could do it again now even after witnessing how Kaz had pushed through his boundaries for Inej.

It wasn’t that y/n wasn’t proud of Kaz for being able to tend to someone’s wound, especially without his gloves no less. But, it was only a few days ago when y/n had gotten hurt on their failed heist and had to be patched up by Nina when Kaz refused to even look at her wound. So, seeing he and Inej like this tonight stung y/n more than any physical wound ever had.

As y/n glanced up from the ground, she chose not to look Kaz’s way. She didn’t want to see the indifferent and likely even frustrated look she expected to be on his face at her accidental interruption. “Sorry…” y/n whispered again, giving Inej a remorseful look.

It was the same look Jesper often gave y/n wherever Kaz would give y/n just enough attention to keep her foolish heart hanging on to a thread of hope. She knew what it was like to be in Inej’s position. Theoretically that is, since Inej had only been back a day and was already in a better, more romantically intimate situation with Kaz than y/n had made it to in the last several months. Nonetheless, y/n knew what it was like to be teetering on the edge of what felt like a moment where Kaz just might actually confess his love only for something or someone to interrupt and burst that moment. So even though her heart was breaking with every second she stood there in the kitchen, she still felt for Inej. Kaz wasn’t one to offer such a confession, but he knew how to keep someone on the ropes in search of one.

“Y/n,” Kaz’s voice echoed through the empty kitchen. When y/n’s reluctant gaze landed on him, he offered her his equivalent of a sympathetic expression. “Did you need something?” Kaz asked, making a show of looking at his pocket watch.

Instead of her eyes landing on Kaz’s golden pocket watch -he one she’d gifted him-, y/n’s eyes were focused on the paleness of his bare hands. Kaz had never so much as removed his gloves around y/n unless absolutely necessary. Yet here he was, practically touching Inej with his bare hands in the dimly lit kitchen in the early hours of the morning. Y/n swallowed thickly, hoping to ease the lump in her throat as she willed her eyes away from Kaz’s hands.

“I.. I umm…” y/n mumbled, panicking more when she saw Inej’s unspoken concern as to why she was so nervous. For once, Y/n let the voices of reason in her mind guide her tonight. You are not the exception, she told herself as she steeled her facial expressions. “I had a nightmare, I just came down for some water,” she explained, adding a ridiculously stiff nod as she sidestepped her friends.

“Are you okay?” Inej asked sweetly, moving away from Kaz to check on y/n.

Y/n gripped the glass in her hand tightly to keep from showing how much her hands were shaking from what felt like betrayal. She flicked the handle on and held the glass under the faucet for a few excruciatingly long seconds. “Yes, thank you Inej,” y/n replied shortly, turning the water off. She silently took a few sips of her water as Inej and Kaz watched. “I’m fine,” y/n added, boldly braving a fleeting glance at Kaz.

Y/n gritted her teeth with annoyance as Kaz wore what almost seemed like an attempt at an apologetic expression. She shook her head wordlessly before taking a few more sips of water. Y/n was still excessively thirsty, but every second she spent in the kitchen like this with Inej and Kaz was too much. She quickly dumped the remainder of her glass down the sink and mumbled a hushed goodbye to Inej before quickly departing from the room.

Y/n threw herself onto her bed, the tears bursting through the temporary dams she’d built minutes before. She didn’t even bother wiping them from her face, instead simply letting them cascade down her skin in all directions. By the time her mind had tired enough to let her sleep, her pillow was damp. The dampness only made y/n realize just how thirsty she still was, even more so after having cried for so long. But, she refused to leave her bedroom. While she figured Inej and Kaz likely had left the kitchen by now, y/n didn’t want to risk it.

Y/n wasn’t sure how much more she could take. Inej had only been home for a little over a day now and y/n was already crying herself to sleep. Truly it wasn’t Inej’s fault. Saints, it wasn’t even Kaz’s if y/n was being honest. Jesper and the others had tried to warn y/n about this. Y/n’s own mind tried to warn her about this. But it wasn’t until tonight that she truly started to realize those thoughts might be true.

Y/n knew that Kaz wasn’t a love confession type of person. And as much as she wished for one from him, she believed she’d somewhat accepted that it would never come. In reality, she just hoped to be the exception. Or, at a minimum to get a clear sign from Kaz that he authentically felt the same way y/n did when it came to this situation between them. She was foolish enough to think that maybe, just maybe, he’d come around. But as she felt her exhausted eyes drifting closed against her damp pillow, the voices of reason in y/n’s head amplified until there were louder than they ever had been before.

Y/n rocked on her heels as she waited for Inej to answer the door. She knocked moments ago, but still hadn’t heard anything from the other side of the door. Y/n looked at the plate of waffles she managed to sneak away from Nina as they grew colder on the plate in her hands. She leaned her ear up against the door to listen carefully for any sign Inej had heard her. Only, the door creaked open from the pressure of y/n’s head resting against it.

Y/n cautiously pushed Inej’s bedroom door open the rest of the way. She quickly examined the room, promptly noting that Inej wasn’t there. Nothing seemed out of place or as if something bad had happened. So, y/n figured her friend had ventured out for an early morning walk along the rooftops of the Barrel.

Y/n sighed softly to herself as she set the plate of waffles down on the ratty desk by Inej’s window. That’s when she saw something was out of place. On Inej’s windowsill, there was… a handpicked collection of y/f/f. While it struck y/n as peculiar, the writing on the minuscule note tucked into their stems made her freeze in place.

There wasn’t any explicit confession of love for Inej on the note, but y/n would know that handwriting anywhere. She blinked through her now watery eyes as she re-read the note again. “The Crows are glad to have you back,” y/n whispered, her lip trembling. It was Kaz’s writing and the flowers and note were as much of a love confession as one could expect from Kaz.

Y/n’s cheeks dampened with tears as she hastily exited Inej’s room. She couldn’t believe it. Kaz had actually given someone flowers. He’d actually even seemingly utilized his Barrel-learned skills to sneak into someone’s room to do so.

But the worst part for y/n wasn’t any of that. It wasn’t even the indirect note Kaz had written to Inej. Although, that hurt too as y/n could easily read past his words and how he tried to cover up his own emotions. She could see the note for what it was. And Kaz had never said nor written anything of the sort to y/n.

Yet, it was the specific type of flowers Kaz chose that served as the final blow. The fact Kaz picked y/f/f to gift Inej was the kill shot, the bullet that pierced through y/n’s façade of a bulletproof heart and erupted once it made contact with her soul. After all, it was less than a full 24 hours ago when Kaz had asked y/n what the best type of flowers were.

Y/n had foolishly let herself read that inquisition as a sign. Her wishful thinking also had her momentarily believing that the fact Kaz had remembered it enough to bring it up in a later conversation with her was proof he cared enough about y/n to not just ask questions and listen to her response, but to actually memorize her answers, her likes and dislikes, her favorite things; her favorite type of flowers. If y/n was honest with herself, she’d even been foolish enough to think Kaz might one day get some y/f/f for her. In fact in her mind, y/n had foolishly seen it play out the way it seemingly had in real life to Inej; a vague note -not directly confessing Kaz’s feelings but enough to make her feel loved, her favorite flowers making her realize he cared about her interests and took time to show it -even if he tried to cover it up as to not be too vulnerable, the flowers and indirect love note left casually for her in her room unsigned and unannounced.

That’s what made it hurt so much, y/n hadn’t gotten kaz so terribly wrong. She just wasn’t the exception. Y/n hadn’t learned her lesson in time to prevent her foolish heart from shattering into an infinite number of tiny shards. She should’ve walked out a long time ago. She should’ve listened to her friends’ warnings and her own internal voice of reason. Y/n should’ve never expected anything from Kaz. She should’ve known that even though she made headway, she’d never be Inej. And she’d never get his heart.

Y/n only made it a few steps before she felt her miserable body crumpling towards the floor. She let gravity slide her down the wall just outside of her bedroom, her right shoulder grazing the corner of the doorframe. Y/N’s head dropped into her shaking hands as more tears poured from her tired eyes. “How could I not see the signs?" She sobbed quietly, her nails poking the skin on her forehead as she shook.

Y/n had been a stepping stone, a lesson, a pointless heist one uses to gauge their ability and the threats the real heist would entail, and nothing more. She wasn’t Kaz’s exception. Inej was. Inej always had been. As far back as y/n could remember, Inej was the exception. Yet somehow while Inej was away, y/n had let herself believe it was her; that maybe y/n was the exception. When in reality, Kaz had been trying to better himself for her; for Inej. Kaz’s exception was Inej; not y/n. The love confession from Kaz was never going to come. Not even in a Kaz-like manner. Not to y/n at least. Inej was the one who got Kaz, the one who he wanted by his side and maybe one day on his arm, donning his ring on her left hand. Not y/n.

Y/n had finally learned her lesson, but in the most painful way possible. Instead of walking out when she first started getting mixed signals from Kaz, she’d stuck it out. She held out thinking he was the one. Thinking she’d be the one to be able to get through to him. But she wasn’t.

Y/n learned the hard way that she wasn’t the exception, Inej was. And somehow, y/n now had to act as if her foolish heart hadn’t ever lead her astray. That she never had fallen for her friend and boss. That she never once believed her wishful thinking was anything more than that. Y/n cared deeply for Inej and so, she’d have to keep these painful lessons to herself.

Epilogue:

“Oh,” Jesper sighed heavily, sharing a knowing look with Wylan. He frowned and slid out of his boyfriend’s embrace as he slowly made his way to y/n’s broken form. Jesper slid his back down the wall to the left of y/n, resting his head in her shoulder.

Wylan gazed lovingly at Jesper for a moment before joining him and y/n. He sat on the other side of y/n, in front of her door. “Are you okay?” He asked rhetorically. It was obvious from her red eyes, tangled hair, and chapped lips that she was wanting but okay. Yet, Wylan didn’t know how else to see if she was okay talking about it without making it worse. He suspected mentioning Kaz would only drive the knife in further.

“I’m so….,” y/n whimpered, pinching the bridge of her nose. She sniffled and shook her head. “How could I not see the signs?” Y/n whined again. “I actually let myself be foolish enough to think that one day…,” she trailed off as more tears left her eyes.

Jesper sighed sympathetically, intertwining y/n’s fingers with his own. “He doesn’t deserve you,” He declared. “It’s not foolish to want someone to shout from the rooftop their feelings for you,” Jesper encouraged, “he just isn’t the one.”

“Or,” y/n’s voice cracked, “maybe I… maybe it was wishful thinking to believe I would ever earn someone’s confessions of love”. She wiped her wet face on the fabric covering her shoulder since both boys were holding one of her hands.

“The day is gonna come for your confessions of love,” Wylan encouraged with a sweet smile. “Don’t give up hope just because he wasn’t the one,” he added quietly.

Jesper smiled at Wylan and nodded in agreement. “Exactly!” He exclaimed, tenderly nudging y/n’s shoulder. “When all is said and done, he just wasn't the one,” Jesper told her.

Y/n nodded quietly. She appreciated what her friends were trying to do, but she could still feel her heart breaking. They weren’t wrong, Kaz wasn’t the one, not for her anyways. That much y/n had learned the hard way. But, it didn’t erase the pain in her chest and the self blame echoing in her mind. Hopefully time would.

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