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jahayla-parker · 6 months

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Hesitate : Freddy Carter x Reader

8.4k wc

Part of Love of a Lifetime Mini-Series

For full warnings and description, see mini-series masterlist

Freddy ran his hand down his face as he yawned. As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he slowly made his way to the master bathroom. He half-expected y/n to be in there, likely having just woken up herself. So, he was slightly surprised to see she’d seemingly woken up quite some time before; as he’d been on his phone in their bed for a bit upon first awakening and she wasn’t in the bathroom either.

Once he’d freshened up in the bathroom, Freddy ventured out to their living room. His calm and soft footsteps soon turned into frantic stomps against their wooden flooring upon hearing what sounded like y/n’s shaky breathing. He’d barely made it to the edge of the room before his heart seized in his chest as he saw her. Why was his fiancée in such a distressed state?!

Freddy’s worried eyes scanned y/n for any visible explanation for her state. She’d seemingly been pacing their living room while still in her wrinkled pajamas with her hair tousled. Only, Freddy could tell it wasn’t bed head, y/n had clearly been running her hands through her hair for awhile. Not wanting to scare her as she hadn’t shown any sign that she noticed his presence, Freddy cautiously walked over to where she was pacing.

As he crossed to the other side of their coffee table, Freddy moved to stand in front of y/n. He brought his hands up and gently wrapped them around her forearms as he tried to guide her into lowering her arms from her face and hands from her hair. The sight of y/n’s frazzled and teary eyes made Freddy’s hands shake slightly as he went to move them so he could direct her gaze towards him.

The violently rapid thumping in y/n’s chest slowed faintly as Freddy entered into her blurry vision. She blinked repeatedly as she tried to make sense of the situation. Her fiancé Freddy was still in bed, wasn’t he? The warmth of Freddy’s hands seeped into y/n’s clammy cheeks as his sapphire eyes pierced their way through the fog of her mind while she slowly came back to the present moment. “Y/n,” Freddy’s warm honey-coated voice cooed quietly into her ear. The sound cut through the noise in y/n’s head, helping her become fully present.

Freddy watched as y/n’s gaze slowly shifted into a less distant state. He silently waited for her to reacclimate herself to her surroundings. He easily detected the precise moment y/n realized he was standing in front of her, his hands cupping her face. It pleased Freddy to see her reconnect to reality instead of wherever her mind had been off spinning. Yet, it simultaneously pained him because as she did, she promptly let out a choked sob.

Y/n futilely tried to dry her face, pulling back from her fiancé’s loving embrace. She aggressively rubbed her inflamed cheeks with her clammy hands. She felt Freddy cautiously take hold of them as he lowered them from her face. God, she loved him. So much. But why did he have to see her in this state?! How long had she been spiraling into her internal turmoil? It had been the early hours of the morning when she’d crawled out of bed and ventured out here to isolate and not wake him up. Yet, he was here now and wide awake.

“D-di-did I wa-ake you?” Y/n asked, her voice dry. She swallowed thickly to stop the scratching and burning sensation in her throat. She stared at Freddy through her teary eyes, a deep sense of guilt storming inside her.

“No,” Freddy replied swiftly, shaking his head reassuringly. He tenderly shushed y/n as he stroked the backs of her hands. He could read the guilt in her eyes and was desperate to shut it down before she could spiral again.

“Okay,” y/n croaked. She wriggled her stuffy nose to keep from crying. “Good,” she murmured softly before pasting on a tiny fake smile.

Freddy effortlessly read through y/n’s attempts to act as if he’d not just walked in on whatever she was trying to work through on her own. “I wouldn’t have minded if you did, love,” he reminded her sweetly, stepping closer to shorten the distance between them. “In fact,” he continued, moving their intertwined hands to a more comfortable position in the lessened space between their chests. “I’d have preferred you to wake me up, instead of trying to hide whatever’s happening,” Freddy informed y/n as tenderly as he could.

Y/n hung her head instantly. “Sorry,” she whimpered. She unconsciously squeezed Freddy’s hands as her body tightened in response to her raging emotions.

Freddy frowned at y/n’s reaction. He sighed whisperingly. “It’s okay love, I’m just-,” he began, trying to reassure her that he hadn’t been offended.

Y/n quickly shook her head as she lifted her gaze up from the floor. She pulled her hands back from Freddy’s hold on them. She then shifted her arms so she could grip the hem of her clothes as her hands formed fists at her sides. “No, it’s not,” y/n argued angrily. “That’s just it. It’s not okay.”

“What?” Freddy questioned, his brows slightly furrowed in confusion. His eyes scanned y/n’s body language in search of an explanation as to what was going on. “What’s not okay?” He asked softly.

Y/n silently shook her head, unable to speak. Each attempt to breathe resulted in a rumbling in her chest. Her eyes watered more as she went back to staring off into space. She couldn’t do this right now. It was too much.

“Darling,” Freddy gasped faintly as he watched y/n’s distant gaze return. “Please talk to me,” he pleaded, reaching for her hands. “What-whatever’s happening, we’ll get through it, together.” “Just let me help, please,” Freddy begged as he took hold of y/n’s trembling hands.

“No, no, no,” y/n rambled quietly. “You shouldn’t have to!” She tore her hands back before running them down her face. “I’m, I’m,” y/n cried, “so sorry, Fr-Freddy. I-I-“.

Freddy gaped at his fiancée, shocked by her uncharacteristic behavior. “Woah, woah, woah,” he mumbled with wide eyes. “‘ey,” Freddy whispered as he tried to step closer to y/n. Only for her to step back, away from him; causing a foreign stabbing pain in his chest. “Okay,” he whispered slowly as he stepped back. Freddy wanted to make it clear he was accepting her choice to not have physical contact right now. He had to push down his desire to do more for her before he could get himself to step back further. He then walked backwards until he reached their lounge chair. The whole time, Freddy was watching y/n closely. Only once he was seated across the room from her, did he speak again. “I need you to talk to me.” Freddy took a deep breath as he forced himself to ignore the urge to rush over to her and hold her to his chest as she shook before him. “I can’t have you in this state and not know why,” he expressed kindly.

Y/n fanned herself with her hand in a pointless attempt to cool her flushed face. “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she whimpered as she saw the concern covering Freddy’s face. The concern she caused.

Freddy quickly grimaced. He hated whatever was causing his dear fiancée to be so distressed. He shook his head, “you don’t need to apologize”. Freddy frowned as he watched y/n mindlessly pick at her skin. “Just tell me what is on your mind, darling”.

“I can’t though!” Y/n blurted loudly. The force of her voice startled herself slightly. She looked down and noticed she’d pinched her arm as she’d tensed. Not caring about the half-moon indents on her forearm, she continued her rambling. “See I’m not good at that!” Y/n pointed out defeatedly. “That’s just it!” She cried out, her voice sharp and fast.

Freddy squinted at y/n as he tried to read between the lines. “What do you mean?” He asked, hoping for further details as to what was troubling her. He was pleased to see that they were slowly getting somewhere. But, Freddy didn’t dare point that out to her in fear it might make her shut down again.

“I-“ y/n’s voice cracked as her mind argued with her over whether or not to confess the worries circulating in her mind. “Freddy-“ she sobbed as she forced herself to look over at him. The action resulted in her bursting into more tears. She quickly looked away as she began pulling on her hair. “I-… I can’t do this,” y/n whimpered.

Freddy gripped the armrests of the lounge chair. “Do what?” He wondered aloud. “Talk to me?” Freddy sighed lowly, “since when, love?”.

Y/n hiccuped loudly as she shook her head rapidly. “No, no, no, I-,” she dragged her hands down her damp face, leaving faint lines in her fingers’ path. “Fuck. I-…” y/n spoke, voice uneven and jagged. It took a tremendous amount of effort to make herself speak the words on her mind. And even when they did finally leave her mouth, they were so rushed she wasn’t sure it made any sense. “Ican’tmarryyoubecauseI’mnotenoughforyou,” y/n explained, the twisting grip-like sensation on her heart increasing. “ButIwanttomarryyousobadlyandIwanttobeenoughbutI’mnot,” she cried with defeat. She wanted to be, and she would always try to be, but y/n feared it wasn’t possible. No matter how hard she knew she’d try and no matter what she did or how worthy she became, she’d never truly be worthy enough for him. “ButIdon’twanttoloselyoueither and-I-“ y/n confessed, her guilt echoed in her tone.

Freddy blinked slowly as he tried to make sense of the fury of words that just left y/n’s mouth all within a matter of seconds. “Woah, slow down, start over, what?” He asked in a whisper. Try as he might, her response still hit him as an incoherent and slurred rush of words.

“No, damnit… “ y/n mumbled, mostly to herself. She felt her face grow even warmer as she battled with herself. Her facial features scrunched tightly together as she cried over the painful thoughts in her mind. “Neither…” y/n told herself quietly, “neither way feels right”. “Des-deservemoreand-” she gushed before her mind switched arguments, “loveyoumorethananything”.

Freddy sat frozen, uncertain how to approach the situation. He couldn’t make out half of what y/n was saying. He listened to her trailing off as she mumbled something about choices. Focusing on the only part he knew he’d heard correctly, Freddy decided to start there. “What doesn’t feel right?” Freddy asked worriedly.

Y/n couldn’t get herself to look at Freddy, her guilt feeling far too heavy. She tried to take a few shallow breaths as her whole body felt off. Before she could stop it, her knees buckled under her and she fell to the ground.

Freddy shot out of his chair to come to y/n’s aid. His frantic eyes roamed over her as he sprinted across the room. When she didn’t move away and just caved in on herself even more, he dropped down to her level.

Freddy felt like he was truly in the dark, he had no idea what was happening. All he knew was that y/n was deeply struggling and he hated to not know why nor how to help. Freddy did the only thing he could think of and wrapped his arms around his fiancée’s frame. He held her shaking body, slowly resting his head atop hers when she unconsciously leaned against him while crying.

Y/n noticed she couldn’t smell Freddy’s familiar scent due to the amount of snot she’d accumulated during her sobbing. Needing to feel more connected to him right now, she pressed herself into his chest needingly. She allowed herself a moment of comfort as Freddy’s hands rubbed her back and shoulders lovingly. Only, y/n’s relentless worries didn’t let the moment last long. “No, no, no,” y/n mumbled as she suddenly leaned back; away from Freddy. “I can’t le-let you,…“ she whispered in a broken tone. “You-you can’t keep doing this.”

Freddy squinted in confusion as y/n slid across the floor away from him. He stared into her widened eyes as he continued to search for understanding. “Do-doing what?” Freddy asked diplomatically.

“Treating me so ni-nice-ly,” y/n answered with a shake of her head.

Freddy feel a sickening sadness settle into his bones. Why did y/n want him to stop being nice to her? And why was it resulting in her current despair?

“I don’t… don’t.. I don’t, I don’t des-deserve… deserve it,” y/n stuttered, wiping the wet drop hanging off the tip of her nose.

Freddy gaped widely, in complete bewilderment and sadness. Y/n didn’t deserve for him to be nice to her? What was she talking about?! Y/n didn’t deserve to be feeling this way. She did deserve his kindness though. Hell, she deserves more than anything he could offer. Before Freddy could compose his thoughts enough to form a coherent response, he heard y/n resume her rambling.

“I - I can’t… c-can’t m-m-ma-“ y/n sobbed. She curled inwards on herself, her head tucked to her chest and calves tightly pinched against her thighs. “I c-can’t marry y-you,” y/n forced out. She pressed a hand against her lips as some bile rose in her mouth in response to the words.

Freddy’s face blanched instantly. “W-wh-what?” He stuttered, eyes burning. “You….” He breathed heavily as he fought against the new tears in his eyes. “Y-you don’t… you don’t want to marry me anymore?” Freddy asked, voice wavering in time with his panic.

Y/n peeked up at Freddy with one eye, unable to fully face the state of the man she loved hearing her sudden declaration. She shook her head aggressively. “I do- wan-want to-…” she promised, the guilt increasing the acid reflux she was facing. “Ijustcan’t. Not whenyoudeserevesomuchmore,” y/n gushed, “Iknowyouwillsayyoudon’tbutthatswhyIhaveto”. Hating herself and the hauntingly torturous thoughts in her mind, y/n sobbed and unconsciously scratched at her arms. “That’s what feels wrong. Either way feels wrong,” she rambled, her racing thoughts desperate to be spoken aloud for once. “Cause-“ y/n sobbed and tugged on the collar of her now-seemingly-tight shirt. “I -I…I…I- I w-wa-… I want to marry you,” she confessed, risking a glance up at Freddy as he sat patiently a few feet from her. “Bu-but-but…. I-I.. I c-can’t,” y/n sighed loudly, followed by a small strangled whimper.

Freddy calmed some upon hearing y/n reassure him that she wanted to marry him. But, he still couldn’t understand why she supposedly couldn’t marry him. Surely whatever the reason was, they could find a solution. Right? “Wh-why?” Freddy croaked. He cleared his throat and tried to slowly scoot across the floor towards her. “Darling, did… did I do something?” Freddy asked remorsefully.

“No! God, no!” Y/n exclaimed quickly, her wide eyes piercing into his confused ones. “Fuck, see!” she groaned, “This is why!”. She forcefully rubbed her face dry and shakingly pushed herself up from the floor.

Freddy instantaneously copied y/n’s movements. He neared her slightly in anticipation that he’d need to help keep her balance as she stood.

“I - I keep messing things up-“ y/n pointed out, staring at Freddy’s bare feet as he moved towards her.

Freddy frowned deeply, his forehead creasing in response. “Love, what’re you…” he sighed softly. “What happened?” Freddy inquired, still desperate for an explanation as to why she was suddenly so upset. He needed to know what was going on in her mind. Once he knew, he could help her.

“I can’t even speak right, I can’t can’t get my- my words out,” y/n complained. Ironically, she then interpreted herself with a different train of thought. “I…C-can’t offer, like the …umm,” she mumbled, “and you deserve-“.

Seeing that y/n was starting to ramble incoherent nonsense, Freddy sighed softly. “Darling,” Freddy spoke in a balanced tone as he cautiously stepped closer. He pleaded with his eyes for her not to back away. When Freddy saw y/n was complying with his unspoken request, he neared her the rest of way. Finally close enough to touch her again, he slowly brought his hands up until he cupped her face. Freddy stared into her dewy y/e/c eyes. “I need you to take a deep breath, please.”

Y/n nodded stiffly as she tried to breathe for Freddy. Her eyes darted around his face. The loving and compassionate nature of his gaze made her heart twist aggressively in her chest. “It doesn’t feel right,” she whimpered vaguely.

Freddy felt his heartbeat beating faster but forced himself to try to remain calm. “Marrying me doesn’t feel right?” He asked, voice strained. Yet, despite his fluttering voice and heart, his eyes were glued on y/N’s.

Y/n shook her head as she glanced away. “Y-you….” she whispered in a brittle voice. “I can’t- I can’t give you the wedding or the life you des-deserve and like I-,” y/n expressed, tears streaming steadily down her cheeks.

“Woah, woah, nuh-uh, pause for a moment, love,” Freddy rushed out frantically. He tilted y/N’s head until she was forced to look at him again. “What in the world are you going on about?” He huffed. “You’re ev-everything to me,” Freddy argued breathily.

Y/n trembled as she stared into Freddy’s far too sincere eyes. “That’s the problem. I -I can’t believe that you-you love me like you do,” she gushed with a whine. “You-you deserve to be-… you deserve someone who can give you everything and that’s… that’s not me”. Y/n grimaced as her voice cracked loudly during her statement.

Freddy stared, baffled over the situation. “Y/n, you’re not hearing me.” He tried to keep his voice comforting despite his determination to correct this train of thought quickly. “You are everything, love,” he whispered, fingers gently pressing into her cheeks over his need for her to understand. “Please, don’t-,” Freddy began softly.

Y/n yet again shook her head. “I-I…” she whimpered as she stepped back from Freddy’s hold. “I want more for you.”

The confession sent an aching pain through both of their hearts.

“Y/n-,” Freddy whined quietly as he moved closer.

“No,” y/n said in a voice that was somehow firm yet weak. The tone matched her conflicting viewpoints and emotions perfectly. “I-… Freddy,” y/n spoke lightly as she took a deep breath to compose herself enough to look at him. “I..I love you,” she cried, “so much but…”. “But…,” she shook her head again, but her gaze stayed on him. “I don’t-,” her voice cracked as she sniffled, “I don’t know how to do this.”

Freddy’s brows wriggled in confusion as his head tilted faintly to the left. “Do what?” He asked.

“Marriage,” y/n answered, “Freddy; marriage.” She blinked past the tears clouding her vision as she focused on Freddy’s loving gaze. “I don’t… I don’t know how to be a good wife or-,” she began nervously. She wasn’t even sure where to start explaining her incompetence.

“Oh, love,” Freddy cried out quietly. He shook his head as he neared y/n again. He promptly took hold of her frantically trembling hands. “I’m not looking for a good wife, whatever that even entails,” Freddy promised affectionately. “I’m just looking to spend the rest of my life with you,” he clarified devotedly.

Y/n’s lip shook as she willed herself to stop crying emotions to have a proper conversation. “I’m gonna-gonna mess it up,” she declared weakly, her saddened eyes stuck on Freddy’s comforting blue ones.

Freddy furrowed his brow slightly. He wordlessly pulled y/n’s fingers away from her palms before he ran his thumb over the now-irritated skin. His frown grew at the feeling of the crescent moon indents on her soft skin from having been clenching her fists so tightly. “Mess what up?” Freddy questioned calmly as his thumb continued to try to smooth out the skin on her palms.

Freddy barely heard the squeaked response y/n gave him. But, the weak, “us,” she offered in answer to his question still caused a small hitch in his breathing. Why was y/n so certain she would mess up their relationship? She’d always gone above and beyond for him and for them. Where was this coming from? Freddy knew she oftentimes felt like she wasn’t enough in a general sense. But, he didn’t know that applied to her feelings about their relationship as well. Was this new? Was it only now that he’d proposed marriage that she felt inadequate? Or had she always felt that way and he just never knew? Freddy sincerely hoped it wasn’t the later. Well, he hoped it wasn’t the case at all. But, if that wasn’t possible, he at least hoped it was a new feeling for her and that he could stop it immediately.

Freddy’s head tilted unconsciously as he gazed at his fiancée lovingly. He didn’t know how to shut this down, but he needed to. She deserved to know that whatever had her thinking this was false. In order to get to the bottom of it, Freddy decided to ask for clarification. “What do you mean? Why do you say that, darling?”

“Cause I… “ y/n trailed off. She freed one of her hands and ran it down her face as she worked to stay calm. She nearly lost her composure again when Freddy took her hand back and kissed the backside of it supportively. Y/n focused on his encouraging stare, using it as a tether to some semblance of strength. “I- I don’t have-have-,” she mumbled, voice shaking profusely.

Freddy saw how much y/n was still trembling. He also heard the way her voice kept cracking and how shallow her breathing was. He frowned. “Hold on,” Freddy cooed, guiding y/n over to their couch. Once they’d reached the edge of the sofa, he silently signaled for her to sit with him. Freddy smiled lightly, pleased when y/n did so without hesitation. He reached one hand let to her head and slowly brushed some disheveled hair away from her sweaty forehead. Freddy leaned over and pressed his lips against her forehead silently. His lips easily tasted the saltiness of her skin, bringing him back to the matter at hand. “I’m going to get you some water, then we’ll keep talking this out, okay?” Freddy asked rhetorically as he stood up to make his way to their kitchen.

Y/n watched her fiancé as he stood above her at the edge of the couch. Her tears fell silently at the loving look he was giving her despite what she was them through right now. She took a shaky breath as Freddy wordlessly dried her tears with a look of understanding and deep empathy. Y/n nodded her head that he could do what he felt he needed to do, knowing it was the least she could offer him.

After Freddy had forced Y/n to sip on some water, he took the glass back from her and set it on the coffee table beside them. “Alright,” he whispered, intertwining their hands. “Now, darling, what’s going on?” Freddy questioned vaguely, letting her guide the conversation.

Y/n bit her lip as she tried to form a coherent answer. “I don’t…,” she sighed, “Freddy…”. Y/n squeezed his hand tightly for support. “I don’t have… I’ve never had.. umm a… I grew up in a… in a broken….”. Y/n puffed her cheeks in frustration as she groaned. “I don’t know what a good-….”. She nearly became overwhelmed with frustration towards herself until she felt Freddy lovingly squeezing her hand. She knew it was him patiently signaling for her to take her time finding the right words. Using his advice, y/n finally found the words she needed to express her worry. “I’ve never had an example of a healthy marriage”.

Freddy hummed in realization. He knew about y/n’s upbringing, of course. But, not once had he ever considered it to be problematic when it came to their own relationship. Yet, Freddy could understand why she might feel apprehensive about the whole ordeal given what she’d been through and witnessed.

“I don’t know what… what that looks like,” y/n admitted bashfully. “Or… err… uh., how to do that. Every, every marriage I’ve seen has either ended in divorce or a toxic relationship people just stuck with.” She frowned as a stray tear escaped her eye despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. “And-… I… I don’t want that for us, for you,” y/n expressed remorsefully.

Freddy quickly squeezed both of her hands lovingly. “It won’t be,” he vowed affectionately. He noticed y/n was about to protest his declaration. “I know, you’re going to say I can’t possibly know that, but..” Freddy paused to gaze into her blissfully familiar eyes. “Darling, I know us. We can, and have, worked through anything; we just have to talk, love.”

Y/n sniffled and slowly broke eye contact with Freddy. She hung her head in shame. “I’m not good at that,” she whimpered. “Clearly,” she added humorlessly as she waved her hand around.

Freddy stopped y/n’s flailing hand, holding it tighter to him. “You’re doing it, love,” he pointed out diplomatically. “I know it’s not easy, but you’re still doing it. We just have to get you to remember that you don’t have to hide things from me,” Freddy explained, formulating a plan to best address these issues. “Even if you’re worried it’ll upset me. As, I’d rather we face it together,” he told her tenderly.

Y/n sniffled. “You shouldn’t have to remind me of that-,” she sighed.

Freddy frowned and shook his head. “Y/n no,” he corrected gently, “don’t do that.” He brought their hands up to his lips, placing a faint kiss to her knuckles. “You’ve been though a lot in your life, honey,-“.

“That doesn’t make it okay, Freddy,” y/n declared with a huff. “You deserve someone healed, and-“.

Freddy’s forehead creased as his gaze narrowed ever so slightly in response. “No, no, no,” he said cutting y/n off. “I’m not going to have you decide that for me.” Freddy took a deep breath and relaxed his facial muscles. “Respectfully.” He tilted y/n’s head up until her gaze met his. “Darling, you are the strongest, most resilient, and kindest person. With the most beautiful soul and heart. You’re not broken.” Freddy gave her a small smile as she maintained eye contact with him. “And even if you were, that wouldn’t stop me from loving you. I know you’re scared, but please, don’t push me away because you think I want or deserve anyone but you, because I don’t”.

Y/n ignored the inherent urge to keep a wall up. Instead, she let her sobs escape her lips as she practically threw herself into Freddy’s awaiting arms. “I’m sorry I’m being so difficult,” y/n apologized, clutching onto Freddy like a lifeline. Which, to her, he was. Her mind had almost convinced her that she knew better than him what was right for him and that it wasn’t her. She’d been willing to give him up for his own sake even though the thought alone nearly destroyed her. Freddy had pulled her out.

“You’re not difficult, you’re real,” Freddy amended lovingly. “And I appreciate you being honest with me,” he pointed out, holding y/n to tightly. "I love you, that means I'm not just here for the pretty parts. I'm here no matter what.”

After sitting in Freddy’s embrace for a few healing moments, y/n spoke up. “I still don’t know how to- to umm- …my parents, well you know…” she trailed off. “And sure, my grandparents stayed together, but you saw how things were, and…” her sniffle broke up her rambling thoughts briefly, “even my aunts and uncles and- I just-…”.

“I can imagine how that might make you doubt marriage,” Freddy acknowledged. He ran his hand up and down y/N’s back slowly. “But, love, I promise-“.

“No Freddy,” y/n interrupted, leaning back. “I know it can work. Your parents made it work,” she said with small smile; one Freddy shared back. “And your grandparents, and h/f/n, and-… anyways, but it’s just I didn’t grow up with that… example to lead me”. Y/n bashfully bit into her bottom lip as she awaited Freddy’s response.

“Darling, I’m not worried about you not having had an example,” Freddy assured y/n simply. “Each relationship is different,” he reminded her. He used his thumb to gently pull y/n’s bottom lip free from the entrapment of her teeth.

“But… I don’t know that… that I have… that I have what it takes to-“ y/n expressed nervously.

Freddy quickly but lovingly shushed y/n; promptly stopping that thought from taking hold. “That’s not true.” He kept ahold of one of her hands but moved his other hand to her cheek. “This relationship is ours, and all it takes is us, you and me,” Freddy declared passionately.

Y/n snuggled into Freddy’s chest. “Okay,” she whispered lovingly. She gave him a small nod before nuzzling her head further into his torso. “You and me,” y/n agreed softly as she peered up at him.

Freddy grinned and nodded back. “You and me,” he echoed in a delicate whisper. “What else is on your mind?” He asked after a few seconds. “You said something about the wedding itself?”

Freddy watched as y/n flickered her eyes away instantly, making his worry return. He felt her nod her head faintly as she started playing with her hands resting in her lap. Freddy squeezed her hands and smiled softly at her when she looked up in response to the gesture.

Y/n took a visibly deep breath. “I… I can’t give you a tra-traditional wedding …” she trailed off solemnly.

Freddy squinted at y/n, his lips pursed slightly. “Darling what are you-“ he began to ask, confused once again.

“The whole… bride giving away thing, the father walking-…” y/n mumbled as she stared at their interlaced hands.

Freddy’s lips parted and he sucked in a breath before responding. “You’re worried I’m going to be let down by you not having your father walk you down the aisle?” he asked seeking confirmation. He watched patiently as y/n sucked in her bottom lip and nodded.

Freddy sighed, letting go of one of y/n’s hands. He then brought that hand up to cup her face and tilt her chin upwards and eyes towards him. “Love,” he cooed, “I couldn’t care less about that.” Freddy’s thumb traced her cheekbone tenderly. “In fact,” he paused briefly, “I’m sorry it’s for the reason that it is… But, I’m actually glad you’re not going to have him walk you down the aisle”.

“Y-you are?” Y/n questioned, tilting her head backwards further to see Freddy better.

“Y/n, I know what he did to you and what he didn’t do for you,” Freddy reminded her gently as he shook his head. “And, I know how he makes you feel. I don’t want him anywhere near you.” He let out a soft sigh as he continued stroking her face. “I respect you enough to let you choose if you’ll ever resume having contact with him again, and if you had for any reason really wanted him to be there, and or to escort you down the aisle, that would be your choice.” Freddy pushed down the anger he felt over even thinking about her father and what y/n had been subjected to because of him. “But,” he shook his head, “like I said, I don’t care to have him anywhere near you.” Freddy leaned forward and placed a faint kiss to y/n’s forehead. “I know he’s your father, but you and I both know that doesn’t mean anything. He doesn’t deserve to be there.” He sighed quietly as he pulled back to gaze into her surprised eyes. “You deserve to have the chance to have someone walk you down the aisle if you wanted that, and I’m sorry that you were put in this situation where you had to decide if it was worth it. But, I more than support you not inviting him,” Freddy promised.

Y/n blinked rapidly as she studied Freddy’s eyes. She could see the sincerity in them easily. But she still felt uncertain. “Really?” Y/n asked quietly.

“Yes, really,” Freddy nodded. “Y/n, I’m on your team always,” he vowed, “especially when it comes to things with him. I always have been, darling”. Freddy delicately dried the few tears that trailed down y/n’s cheeks.

Y/n smiled softly in appreciation. “I - I know,” she admitted, always having felt his support on the matter, “and I really really appreciate th-that.” “I just,” she sniffled, “I wasn’t sure how disappointed you’d be to marry someone who…” Y/n paused as she worked to find the proper words for her concern. “-had to break, or err… not follow that tradition,” she concluded.

Freddy moved his thumb back to the side of y/n’s cheek as he went back to cupping her face. “My darling, we’ll make our own traditions.” He smiled tenderly at her. “I don’t need anything more than you,” Freddy promised warmly. “If you wanted to skip all of it and get married at the city hall, we could. I’d love a wedding, sure, but I just need to be with you. I just want to be your husband.”

Y/n’s tense body visibly melted in relief over Freddy’s declaration. “I love- love y-you,” her voice cracked, tears forming in her eyes for a different reason this time.

“I love you too,” Freddy murmured. He closed his eyes and kissed her forehead. “Is there anything else you worried about?” He asked, wanting to address any lingering concerns she may have.

“Ummm…” y/n mumbled. She hated that there were still worries she had. Freddy had worked so hard to calm her down and yet she couldn’t fully relax yet. “I-it’s just…uhhh..,” her frail voice trailed off with guilt.

Freddy read the guilt in her tone and hummed softly. “It’s okay,” he encouraged, tapping her cheek. “What is it?”

“I can’t- I can’t help but think about how my family isn’t con-contributing as much for the wedding, like your mom has already gone out and-“ y/n expressed. Her voice raised slightly as her nerves took control.

“‘’ey, ‘ey, ‘ey, I don’t mind,” Freddy promised. “Neither does my mum, nor the rest of my family.” “The rest of our family,” he amended. “They love you and already see you as a daughter. They’re not mad, or upset, or whatever else your mind is trying to make you believe,” Freddy reasoned. He chuckled lightly, “my mum is insanely thrilled to be helping, love”. Freddy lowered his hand back down to grab y/n’s free hand. After slowly uncurling her fingers, he brought her hand to his lips, “please, don’t worry about that”.

Y/n silently scanned Freddy’s deep blue eyes. “Really?” She asked, trying not to flinch at the fact she’d asked that question a million times today. When Freddy nodded in confirmation, she let out a sigh of relief. “Okay,” she replied quietly, her shoulders lowering in relief.

Freddy rubbed y/N’s hands as he gazed into her eyes in silence for a few moments. He tilted his head slightly and pressed his lips into a flat line. “I can still see a linger of doubt in those y/e/c eyes,” Freddy announced.

Y/n shook her head rapidly to reassure him. She wasn’t doubting him or them. That’s not what any of this was. She wasn’t even doubting herself per se. She was simply feeling inadequate in her ability to meet the level of wife she felt Freddy deserved. “It’s not doubt,” she explained, pleased when Freddy nodded with an expression that told her he understood her wording. “It’s a fact,” y/n murmured when he didn’t let her off the hook so easily.

“And that is?” Freddy asked, pulling both of her hands to his lap. He watched her patiently as he fiddled with her soft hands.

Y/n bit into her bottom lip and sighed. She knew she was going to say something Freddy didn’t want to hear. And she wished she didn’t feel this way. That she could just accept what Freddy told her. But, she couldn’t. Not yet. Not when she cared so strongly for him that it felt wrong to deny him more. “That you deserve more,” she said, her voice sounding distant even to herself.

Freddy’s chest tightened briefly as he watched the love of his life still struggle to comprehend just how worthy she was. He knew her past was to blame, but he wished she didn’t have to feel like this. She was everything to him and no one could ever outdo her; despite her evident opinions and worries of the contrary.

“I want you,” Freddy said firmly but with deep warmth. “None of the things you’ve mentioned bother me, my darling,” he promised. “Even if something happens that neither one of us predicted or expected, I’d still want to be with you. I don’t want to face anything without you.” Freddy squeezed her hands tightly. “Good or bad.”

Y/n sniffled loudly as she stared up at him. She cautiously pulled her hands back before reaching over for a pillow. Y/n cradled the pillow tightly to her chest as her body started to shake again. She gave Freddy a shaky nod, her head barely peeking out above the top of the pillow pressed against her.

Freddy’s left corner of his lips curled up slightly at the sight before him. He could see the way y/n’s eyes were teary but held warmth instead of fear in them. “Can I give you a hug?” Freddy asked, eyeing the pillow blocking his ability to hold and comfort her.

“Yes please,” y/n cried out. She quickly slid the pillow across her body and back onto the couch. Y/n promptly buried her face in Freddy’s neck as he closed the distance between them. She hummed unconsciously as she felt his strong arms holding onto her tightly.

“Even if there were a line of people just like you before me offering everything your mind is trying to convince you that you’re unable to give me, I’d say no,” Freddy whispered, his lips pressed to the back of y/N’s head right behind her right ear. “I only want you, Y/f/n y/m/n y/l/n,” he vowed, squeezing her as he cradled her in his arms.

“I want you too Freddy,” y/n spoke as she wrapped her arms around Freddy’s back. “I swear, I do.” She clutched his shirt material in her fists as she tried to hold him impossibly closer. “I..I…I-I need you to-to know,” y/n declared, her voice cracking with fear, “I’m… I’m not saying I don’t love you or that I don’t want to marry you, ca-cause I do!” She sniffled loudly as she tried to keep her composure. “I-in fact, it’s because I do that-“.

Freddy smiled softly, nuzzling his head into y/n’s shoulder. “I know,” he promised affectionately.

“I’m sorry for going about it like this,” y/n sighed, her voice slowly lowering back to its normal register. “And.. for… having these insecurities- I’d understand if you changed-“ she rambled nervously.

“Y/n,” Freddy spoke, one hand cradling the back of her head, the other on her lower back. “This doesn’t change my opinion of you,” he promised, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“It doesn’t?” Y/n’s soft voice asked, muffled faintly by Freddy’s chest.

“No,” Freddy attested. “But, it does make me see that we have things to talk about,” he told y/n calmly, “because I understand you’re worried, but I don’t want you to ever fear those things having any impact on me or us”.

“It’s not your fault,” y/n sighed, needlessly pulling Freddy closer.

“I know,” Freddy reassured y/n. “But, that doesn’t mean I can’t be there to help you through it.” He let the hand on the back of y/n’s head play with her hair. “If you’ll let me?” Freddy requested tenderly.

Y/n nodded her head rapidly. “P-please,” she begged. Freddy was far better at silencing the tormenting voices in her mind than she was. “I - I don’t want to lose you, but I also want what’s b-best for you,” y/n explained.

“You’re not going to lose me, darling,” Freddy vowed, eyes closed as he focused on the feeling of having y/n in his arms. “And you are what’s best for me. I’ll show you; erase any doubt. It’ll take time, but we’ll get there,” he determined.

“Thank- thank you,” y/n said as she cleared her throat. “You don’t have to do this, but I really-,” she began, pressing a kiss to the shirt covering Freddy’s chest.

“I want to,” Freddy cut y/n off, tugging her impossibly closer.

“It’s not overwhelming, or frustrating, or-?” Y/n wondered.

Freddy shook his head. “No. It just means you need me right now,” he hummed, pressing a kiss to her head. “And, I’m honored to be needed and we’ll get to where you don’t ever doubt these feelings I have towards you, to a point where you can see how you deserve these feelings and sentiments,” Freddy declared confidently.

The couple sat in peaceful silence for quite some time, simply enjoying each other’s presence and physical affection. They shared tender squeezes and delicate kisses as they snuggled together on the couch.

Freddy slowly lifted his head off y/n’s as he leaned his chest back against the couch in order to see her. “Y/n,” he spoke, his voice quietly breaking through the silence. “I do have one thing I want to be sure of,” Freddy admitted, running his hand through her hair.

“Okay,” y/n replied warmly, lifting her head off Freddy’s chest. She smiled at him and nodded her head, “of course”.

“If it makes you more comfortable,” Freddy began cautiously. He didn’t want y/n to think he was changing his mind. But he wanted to know she was comfortable with where things were going. “I’d be fine being your boyfriend for the rest of our lives,” he proposed, “if that’s easier or more comfortable for you.” Freddy brushed some hair from y/n’s forehead tenderly. “I just want to be with you, be someone to you.”

Y/n forcefully shook her head no. “I- I do want to marry you!” She pressed her palms against Freddy’s chest softly. “I’m so sorry I made you think otherwise, I-“.

Freddy took hold of y/‘N’s hands from his chest and pulled her closer. “You didn’t y/n, -“ he argued warmly.

“Yes I did,” y/n protested with a frown. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be saying that,” she sighed. She curled her fingers around Freddy’s and squeezed. “My stupid.. my rambling got-“ y/n mumbled.

“Y/n, darling,” Freddy cooed. He leaned his forehead against y/n’s and smiled softly. “I don’t doubt your love for me,” he reassured her. “If anything, it’s somehow even more clear now than it’s ever been. And I didn’t think that was possible, darling”. Freddy felt his cheeks flush as his grin grew at the thought. He lifted his right hand up to cradle y/n’s face. “The fact that you’d worry about these things to the point of-“ Freddy intentionally trailed off, not wanting to bring up the specifics now that they’d been addressed already. “I know you love me so much.” He rubbed his nose against y/n’s as he gazed lovingly into her eyes. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me,” Freddy commented lightly. “I just want to make sure we take things at the right pace, something that’s comfortable for you.”

“We are,” y/n said as she nodded. “I do want to marry you, I always have,” she vowed. She wrapped her hand around the back of Freddy’s neck as she pressed her forehead against his more. “It was just that I wanted to make sure I was the best option for you,” y/n clarified.

Freddy smiled and nodded his head against y/n’s slowly. “Well, since that’s truly all you were worried about, I assure you,” he whispered, nose rubbing against hers tenderly. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, darling. I couldn’t be happier with my choice. I know I was fortunate enough to manage to secure the best option, period”.

Y/n blinked quickly. “I swear- I-…” she mumured lovingly as she peered into his beautiful deep blue eyes. “It..it feels like - like I’m dreaming or something,” she confessed fondly. “I just… I never thought I’d have someone who just… gets me the way you do, and-“ y/n rambled blissfully, looking away as her eyes watered.

“You aren’t dreaming,” Freddy promised, his thumb hooking under y/N’s chin. “Look at me, love,” he pleaded, helping her guide her gaze back up to him. “This is real,” he swore, cupping both sides of her face, “we’re real”.

Freddy placed a featherlight kiss on the back of y/N’s exposed shoulder as he unclipped her necklace. He carefully set it on their dresser, admiring her through the mirror. He blushed as y/n caught him staring, her eyes flickering open as his lips left her skin. He hid his face in her shoulder making her giggle. “Hair up?” Freddy mumured bashfully as he lifted up a scrunchie from the top of the dresser.

Y/n nodded and smiled at Freddy through the reflection in the mirror. She breathed calmly as his tender fingers delicately gathered her hair behind her. Her eyes trailed over his reflection as she visually worshiped the amazing man she was able to call her fiancé.

Freddy’s blush deepened as he caught sight of the way y/n was looking at him in the mirror. He never doubted her love for him, even when she expressed her worries earlier today. But, even if he had, the look on her face right now would’ve removed any trace of doubt. He smiled giddily as he finished securing her hair atop of her head.

“Ring on or off, darling?” Freddy questioned, sliding his hands down y/n’s sides. He lifted her left hand off the dresser top, thumb rubbing along the palm side of her ring finger.

Y/n spun around abruptly. “On!” She rushed out, rapidly taking her hand back. She clutched her ring and ring finger to her chest, almost in a panic again. “On,” y/n repeated.

“Darling girl,” Freddy whispered calmly. “I’m not going to take it away from you,” he said with a soft shake of his head. “I was just going to set it on the nightstand for the evening, it’s not safe to sleep with it on every night,” Freddy explained, smiling down at her. He crooked his head and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “But it’s alright, you can sleep in it tonight if you wish, either way, it’s yours; forever”.

Y/n grinned in relief and nodded. She slowly let go of her own wrist before reaching for his hand. “Did you want to change your shirt?” She asked, noticing the material probably wouldn’t be the coziest to sleep in. When he nodded with a sweet smile, she nodded and smiled back as she spun to grab a new top for him.

Freddy slid closer to y/n in their bed. He held onto her left hand and gave it a tender squeeze. With a soft hum, he lifted their interlaced hands up to his lips. Freddy pressed a long lingering kiss to y/n’s engagement ring before curling into her body.

Y/n hummed in response, wrapping her arms and legs around Freddy tightly. She buried herself into his embrace, smiling against his chest as she sighed peacefully.

“You have cold feet,” Freddy mentioned in a hushed voice. He instantly hooked his legs around y/n’s to bring her feet closer to them.

“No!” Y/n panicked, her wide eyes staring up at Freddy worriedly. “It wasn’t that, and I’m okay now,” she promised. Both of her hands cupped Freddy’s flushed cheeks lovingly as she gazed affectionately into his bright blue eyes.

Freddy’s cheeks flushed crimson as he chuckled lightly. “I meant your literal feet,” he explained tenderly, “darling”. He craned his neck to press a soft kiss to y/N’s nose as he began to rub his feet against her cold ones.

“Oh,” y/n giggled with a bashful grin. She blissfully snuggled back into Freddy’s embrace. While letting her eyes flicker up to his face, she kissed his collarbone.

“Want me to get you some slippers?“ Freddy offered, pushing some loose strands of hair back from y/n’s neck. He smiled to himself as y/n silently shook her head no before tucking her feet under his legs. Freddy hummed and used his feet to wrap the blanket under both of their legs to aid his attempts to warm her feet.

With their legs and feet intertwined, y/n slowly slid herself up on Freddy’s chest. She grinned as his arms slid back around her reflexively. She cupped his face as she stared intently into his eyes.

“Thank you Freddy,” y/n states with an audible intensity to the purpose of her words. She noticed he was about to argue that she didn’t need to thank him so she softly shook her head to stop him. “Thank you,” she repeated, locking her gaze with his. She let her eyes flutter shut before she leaned in and gave him a deep passionate kiss. “I am honored, and cannot wait, to become your wife,” y/n informed him as their lips parted.

Freddy grinned widely, his cheeks flushed cherry red. He bit his bottom lip briefly before he pulled y/n in for another kiss. “The honor is mine,” Freddy stated after the needy kiss.

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xalicitie · 1 year

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Unwarranted Thoughts — Kaz Brekker (smut)

You’re a new member of Kaz’s gang of crows. You and your boss share a cryptic relationship which neither of you seem to understand how to approach, but within one night in which you attend to a dire wound Kaz receives in battle, the two of you discover your true feelings for each other.

This is only the first half of the story, I’m posting this to see if it actually gets any attention and whether I really want to post it cause I’ve never actually posted smut in my life. If it gets enough response I’ll post part 2

"Sit down here."

Kaz had a hand pressed tautly against the detrimental wound pulsating at his ribcage; blood was melting through his clothes as he stumbled into the seat. You were beginning to hurriedly gather the loosely placed medical supplies along the countertops—scrambling, to say the least. It was rare for Kaz to get injured in battle like this in battle, it sparked a panic hotter than Hell in your chest.

"You're bleeding badly." You said as you placed your hands under the running water of the sink. "Take your shirt off."

Kaz, without a word, followed your orders. Although the command did catch him off guard, he followed through without a thought.

Fleetingly, you rinsed your hands and dried them, then sped to Kaz's side, spilling all kinds of tools onto the table adjacent.

Upon facing back to your boss, It took you quite the moment to realize that he was already shirtless. The shame at your involuntarily wandering eyes set in quickly as you turned your focus to his wound.

It was nasty. A successful sword strike—any further into his core and you might've not been able to fix him up in time.

"How the hell did you get this?" You asked, splitting the silence as you grabbed a large cloth.

"I was caught off guard. Stupid bandits pulled an ambush." You quirked a brow, hoping to distract him as you readied the cloth before the wound. His chest heaved, and you just couldn't seem to decipher whether your thundering heartbeat was due to the direness of the situation or the picture of Kaz Brekker shirtless.

You scolded yourself for even considering such a thing at such a moment.

"Ready yourself. I'm going to apply pressure to the wound." You warned.

"Hurry up and get it over with." He said with a low voice.

You did just that. The moment you enforced pressure onto his side, he breathed a pained groan, eyebrows furrowed as his hands clasped the side of the chair. You tried not to think at all as you continued to try and stop the bleeding.

After such treacherous few minutes, you pulled the cloth, dripping with Kaz's blood—a grotesque sight—to see his wound had just barely stopped producing blood.

"Okay, stay with me." You looked up to your boss to see a tired, pained expression. You could see his unwillingness to completely show you that he was suffering just threading his mien, but the pain seemed to be just enough to tear through most of his armor. "Are you okay?" You asked.

"Yes. Fine." He spat quickly, harshly. "Just, keep on going."

Throughout the whole process of healing his wound, all during it you never seemed to get habituated to the sight of his bare chest. You never thought you'd live to see him so vulnerable, it was certainly novel, to say the least.

Still, you completely forced denial unto your filthy thoughts. Even if they lingered there, watching his muscles heave and move with his breaths, the twitch of his face at the pain, you told yourself they did not exist. You scolded to yourself that it was shameful to conjure up such nasty thoughts at a time like this.

"Okay." You concluded after such tense silence. The wound was cleaned and ready to be covered, and Kaz was still alive. Thank the Saints.

"Can you sit up?" You asked, and Kaz nodded. You were just about to lend a hand before he starting grudgingly lifting himself up on his own. You knew he wouldn't accept your help.

Every rise of his chest, the more your thoughts roused and resisted being denied. The more your heartbeat gained acclimation again, your lips parting, watching as his brunette hair fell before his face, eyes hidden in a shadow, only the lightest of his blue eyes apparent. You knew the look of him right now would be stuck in your mind for the coming weeks.

If Kaz saw you right now, oh you didn't dare let him get a peak of your disorientation right now. You spoke quickly to hide your adoring face. "Hold still. This is going to take a second."

With a muttered "mhm", you kneeled down before him to get closer to his wound.

You were so utterly sinful. As you wrapped the linen bandage around his waist, each little contiguity, each little brush of the skin brought you filthier thoughts. You grasped for control, and just barely—after a torturously long moment—you fixed the bandage around his wound.

"Okay, you're good." You said with finality. Kaz nodded at you, and the moment you thought it was over you began putting the supplies away. You wanted get as far away from this little crush on your newly appointed boss as possible.

"Y/n." You froze and turned back to Kaz at the sound of your name, now finally donned in his vest again. "You've been hurt, too."

His eyes led you to the cut that had been bothering you for awhile. It was just at you lower side, sitting just below your breast.

"Oh, it's..nothing." You brushed off, hoping to settle for some good rest. You began to walk back over to the supplies when Kaz called for you once more.

"Don't think you're leaving here without that being properly bandaged." Oh, Saints. "It could get infected."

There was no way out of this. You sighed audibly, relenting at his wish, more so command.

You sauntered slowly over to the chair as Kaz leisurely climbed out of it, allowing you to sit atop, as he just had done before. Kaz began again gathering the supplies while you sat, wary of what was to come. The cut was placed at a certainly tricky place.

Moments passed and he had the supplies together. His gaze fell upon your apprehensive one. You felt yourself tense at his undivided attention. "Lift up your shirt."

Your lips fell agape at the sudden words. Breathing pattern hectic once again, you followed through with his command just somehow.

Kaz slowly walked over to you. He held a wet cloth in his gloved hand, and as he approached, the air between the two of you thickened so much you felt it, each inch, as it sat between you and your boss. You were absolutely disheveled, eyes not knowing where to look.

The sensation of the cloth hitting your cut made you cringe and seethe out a strained breath. You heard his breaths, each one, one after the other, as he scrutinized you.

..You were so close.

The silence was grating and horribly tense.

You and Kaz looked at each other, and for a moment it seemed he were having the same thoughts.

Then, as each one of your filthy dreams went, you watched in utter disbelief as Kaz Brekker leaned his head in towards yours. As his unoccupied, right, gloved hand traveled towards the nave of your neck, you melting below him, moving towards him meekly. Still with no idea what was happening.

Yours and Kaz's lips hovered not even an inch before each other, both your eyes closed, relishing in the moment. Your chest fell and rose, cheeks burning, everything ablaze.

Is this a dream?

Part 2 is up!

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker smut #kaz brekker fanfiction #six of crows #shadow and bone #freddy carter #kanej #kaz brekker oneshot #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #kaz dirtyhands brekker #crooked kingdom #fanfiction #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you

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writersblockedx · 1 year

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The Things we do

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader Summary - When Kaz finds out a rivial gang has taken you hostage, he'll stop at nothing to find you again. Warnings - Angst, violence, torture, wounds, blood, hurt/comfort vibe Words - 2.8K

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Kaz didn't know where you were. And, even worse, neither did you.

What you did know however: your head was pounding, the room was dark and you were tied to a chair. Your head dragged up, blood trickling from your cut lip as you faced your captor. She was a mean face. Her eyes flooded with fury that you doubted ever left and she bred the sense of vex with every step she took. If anyone was to be a psycho kidnapper, it would have been her.

"Y/n Y/l/n." A voice called your name like it was illegal, like it was something to be dragged through the dirt.

Your captor took a step back, revealing the man who was sitting in the chair behind her. In no way was he rough around the edges like the girl was. In fact, he wore a suit to fit, his lips moulded into something he seemed to use as a weapon. And despite her cut lip and likely bruised features, her head tilted and she pushed her luck. "Nice to know you know, because I've got no idea who you are." Maybe had you not just been kidnapped, you might have been more composed.

The man stood and she felt herself lean as far back in her chair as she was able. "It doesn't matter who I am." He said; his voice so monotone for the context of the situation. "I just need to know about you."

You weren't so sure where this was headed. Your mind was still trying to catch up with the punches you had just endured, attempting to understand where you were and how you were in fact going to get out of it. "Me?" You reiterated, flashing some puppy dog eyes you knew weren't going to work. But it was worth a try in this situation.

He nodded and then a word slipped from his lips. Just one word and that was all you needed to know you were in the shit now. "Crow." Them puppy dog eyes slipped away as easily as they had settled. Suddenly, you came to realise the severity of the situation and you questioned if you would be able to get out of it. The suit man looked over to the captor, nodding his head as if giving a silent command.

Like that, just as he turned his back and started walking away, a fist came flying. The knuckles of the woman's palm cracked against your cheeks with a thud. You had groaned but didn't dare say a word. You glanced back up at her through the lingering bruises. "Are the rest of you crows at the crow club?"

"Why do you want to know?" You should have known where speaking back was going to get you.

Just as quickly as them words had left your lips, another punch came crashing at your jaw. And you struggled with that one. It erupted a groan as you settled within the pain that plagued you. "What about Kaz? He's the boss right?" She continued to interrogate.

You gazed over at her through stern, mean eyes. "You can punch me till I'm bloody, I'm not telling you anything."

This time, a punch didn't follow. Instead, you watched as the woman wandered around the chair you were glued to. She walked over to a side table, retrieving a small box. It wasn't until she opened the box that you grew nervous. There were several tools. Many of them rusty and blunt but in the hand of your kidnapper, still rather painful. She took one of the bluntest knives, one that had rusted so much it was burnt and brown. With that in hand, she wandered around once again.

"Anything you went to get off your chest now?" Asked the woman.

You could feel your breath itch in your throat, feeling her shadow hover right over your shoulder. It was daunting but didn't stop you as you quipped back, "Do your worse." And she certainly did.

She took the blade. At first, it brushed over the prickles of your skin, then, within a flash, you felt it jab into your shoulder. With that, you let out a piercing scream. The metal seeming to have shot so deep into your body it felt as if it were scraping against your bone. You didn't have to look to know it was bleeding. By the time the weapon had dug into your skin, the blood was dripping down towards your elbow.

The woman took a firm grip over the blade. With every single, slight touch it was painful. Just the brush of her fingers against the metal had felt agonising. So when she took a hold of it, a groan escaped your lips. She leaned over the bleeding shoulder, "You're gonna tell me what I need to know." Her voice was a whisper but it felt deafening in your ear.

Your breath was uneven and, just as you were about to catch it, she shoved the blade down further. Another scream erupted from your lips. This one louder and much more of an echo. And once more, she leaned over your shoulder, "Where does Kaz keep the money?"

Once you let out a sigh, you looked over at her, "I'm not telling you." You were stern in your words even if everything in your body already wanted to give in.

This was what being a crow was. It was criminal. It was getting beating up and getting bloody, but it was dealing with that. And so you would. At least, you would try. Because when she even grasped the metal, you were regretting your decisions. "Wait, wait!" She stopped; so did the pain. You took a breath, trying to gather your thoughts that the pain had cut through. "Please..." You couldn't imagine anything worse than another touch from that blade.

She asked the same question: "Where does Kaz keep the money?"

A long moment followed. One in which you knew you were going to give in, even if it killed you to betray Kaz like that. Your fellow crow, your boss, the man who had took you in when you had nothing. "There's a safe. It's under his desk in the office. The office is upstairs in the crow club." Like it was nothing, you spilled everything.

"See," She paused and in one swift movement, tore the knife from your skin. Another scream erupted. But it was the last one you would have to endure. "Wasn't that difficult, was it?" She had no idea what you were in for with Kaz now. "Now, when's this office left empty?"

You knew this plan was so this gang could get their sticky fingers on Kaz's money. And maybe you should have cared more to not spill all this information considering Kaz paid your wage. But alas, the fear of the pain was seeming to pull the words from your lips, "When there's-"

You didn't know why or what had happened at first, only that your kidnapper had fallen right in front of you. Then you spotted the knife in her back. You almost couldn't believe it at first. Well, not until your head snapped up to figure that was wandering from the doorway. "Inej?" The woman removed the scarf that masked her face as she rushed forward without another word.

She went around straight away, her hands reaching out and untying the rope which bound you. "Where is she?" Came another voice which boomed through the building. A wave of guilt passed you as you came to recognise the voice: Kaz.

"In here!" Replied Inej.

And like that, the man came through. His eyes pooled with sympathy, completely unaware of how you had just betrayed him. Not that he had noticed. In that moment, Kaz had never felt such relief. Over the period you had been lost, he hadn't felt himself breathe. He sent Inej and Jesper left, right and centre until finally, they got a hit. A rival gang that barely hand enough bullets to take down the three of them. He couldn't care who had taken you. It could have been the king himself and he would have still swug through battlefields, explored every inch of this world, whatever it took just so it could get to you.

Now, with your eyes interwinding with his, he rushed to you. Inej had only just let the rope fall from your body and it was suddenly being engulfed by Kaz. At first, it had shocked you. Then you soon settled into the comfort which was ever so familiar. With your head situated on his shoulder, your gaze glanced to the doorway, finding Jesper stood there. He too just as relieved, taking in the sight of his boss and his friend tangled within the comfort of one another. Jesper knew that Kaz needed that hug just as much as you - if not more so.

When he pulled away, you were met with that worrisome gaze which seemed to devour you. "Can you stand?" Kaz questioned.

And while you couldn't exactly give him a reply, you nodded and that was enough. His hands came around, taking a hold of your own as he helped you to your feet. He guided you towards the exit, not daring to let his touch fall. About half way there, you both stopped. There came the sound of a thud from behind you. It wasn't until you turned, finding that Inej had pulled her knife from your captor's back that you came to realise why. Of course she taken her knife back. No one chose to comment. Instead, you found that it was normal and continued walking, following Jesper.

By the time you made it home, the Crow Club was empty. It wasn't until later that you would come to realise Kaz had closed the club, needing the empty space to focus on finding you. Something he was thankful for now he had you in his arms.

Once you got home, Jesper pulled a chair up for you, forcing you to sit down as he tended to the wound plaguing your shoulder. Inej was sat on a table across from you, sharpening a knife while Kaz was standing behind you. And for a moment, it was all silent. All their attention was focused on you and the wound which was buried deep into your skin. Yes, it felt as bad as it looked. "You sure you're okay?" Inquired Jesper as he pulled your shirt down for easier access.

You didn't bare look at any of them, knowing the pity you were likely to receive. "I'll be fine, Jesper." You replied without much emotion in your tone.

Jesper gave a concerned look to the man standing behind you. Something of which you had missed, too busy replying the memory of the knife in your shoulder to take note. "Okay, okay." Jesper said. "But just know," He paused as he gathered his needle and thread, "This isn't going to be pretty."

You didn't look to him as you answered, "Just clean it up, will you?" You weren't so much in the mood for Jesper's playful mood like you normally were. "I don't want an infection and a stab wound."

And like that, Jesper's lips stayed sealed as he gathered his items, staring at the wound as he attempted the best way to tackle it without hurting you so much. "What were they asking you?" Inej spoke up as her head lifted to meet yours. "Did you tell them anything?" That question made you wince.

Jesper scoffed, "It doesn't matter anyway, you killed em'." He did make a good point there, something you were silently thankful for.

"And by the looks of things," At the sound of Kaz's voice, you finally turned, meeting his gaze which seemed attached to the wound sitting on your shoulder. "You didn't tell them anything either."

Had it not been for the groan that came with the needle making contact with your shoulder, you might have said. Instead, you sucked in a breath before letting out a, "Jesper." in a snap.

"Sorry," He apologised. "I did say its not gonna be pretty." And with that, he started to thread you skin back together like it were clay.

"Do you know who it was?" Inej continued to interrogate.

You thought on it for a moment but with your pounding head, you couldn't come up with much. "No." You said first. "He wore a suit like he was trying to be more fancy than he was."

"That's it?" Critiqued Jesper from behind you, his snooty tone prompting you to gaze over at him. "He was too fancy for a suit? That's what you gathered?"

Your glare turned deathly, "I was a bit preoccupied with the fact they kept punching and threatening me...obviously." You agrued.

"Careful," Said Jesper. "Don't forget whose holding this needle." The small prick of metal glistened in his hand before your eyes rolled, turning back around.

"So we have no idea who these people are." Kaz concluded as his gaze jumped from you, something which had only enhanced that ever-heavy feeling of guilt which burdened you.

A loud exhale, almost loud enough to be classed as a sigh, came from Inej, "Suppose it's a good thing you didn't tell them anything the-"

"Ouch!" Your voice shot through the club.

All eyes came to you and your burning stare that was being pointed at Jesper. He had slipped. Only the smallest of bits but still, you had snapped at him like that. And what was worse, your anger didn't die down. Instead, you stood abruptly, tearing the needle from further patching up your wound. "Y/n-" Kaz started but you were already walking away.

And without even looking back at him, you said, "I'm fine." And continued on, eager for some privacy where the guilt of spilling your guts didn't linger.

You escaped into your room, taking in the air like it was fresh, like it wasn't intoxicated like the rest of the club was. The room was lonely, and it was empty, free of anyones opinion and judgement. With tears pricking your pupils, you wandered over to the mirror. Your shoulder took all your attention. Sure, Jesper had sewed up about half of it but the wound was still sharp and deep into your skin. It's edges ridgid and screaming to be tended to.

With a huff, you pulled your t-shirt back up, groaning at the pain which came with the contact. And you continued on with shakey legs and even shakier breath as if you could continue on. You soon came to realise it wouldn't be that easy.

The door clicked open and you tensed, suddenly appreciating your back was facing the door. The tears were easily about to slip from your eyes and that was something no one needed to see. "I told you I was fine." You said, sucking in a sharp breath that you preyed gave you the air you needed to not let those tears fall.

"You're not meant to be." Only then did you come to realise the intruder in your room was none other than Kaz Brekker. And his voice was enough to prompt you to turn, meeting his soft features which made you weak. "Whatever you went through, it was always going to be painful."

He had no idea what was truly the cause of your pain. "I've been beaten before Kaz." You argued.

He took a cautious step into the room, knowing you could force him out at any given moment. "None of us expect you to be okay, this wasn't just any normal beating, Y/n." He went on, providing comfort which would normally be accepted. But considering he didn't know the full story, it was a struggle to accept it.

Until, in a rushed decision, you gambled your whole relationship with Kaz. "I don't care that they hurt me, that they punched, stabbed, bled me like I was a doll. I couldn't get less." That part was true. "But I just- I had to."

Kaz's brows knitted, "Had to what?" He queried.

"I had to tell them." Like that, the words hung in the air. "I had to tell them everything." The tears finally started slipping until they were streaming down your cheeks.

The moment Kaz caught sight of that, he rushed over. And just as needy as before, he engulfed your body into his own. "Hey, it's okay." He assured. "All that matters is that you're safe."

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pinchofhoney · 1 year

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You know I can't stay away from your writing for long so here I am againnn....angst prompt 5 and fluff promt 10. Besties to loverss plsssss.....with either Sirius Black or Kaz I can't choose

No angst...I can't take it rnnnn 😭

take a hint # 200 followers special event

» prompt event » special events masterlist

angst prompt five: “please leave before i lose myself to madness and beg you to stay”

fluff prompt ten: and it was when A watched B look at someone else the way they wanted to be looked at. does A realize how much in love with their best friend they were?

gif is not mine, credit to the owner

kaz brekker x fem!reader

word count: 3.8k

warning: kaz has no romantic feelings for inej in this one, it doesn't have a specific time in the canon, i made up one of the characters, best friends to lovers (between the lines), mention of murder

summary: It seems that Kaz always expects you to read between the lines, even though you are a thief and not an expert in interpreting written texts.

a/n: whenever i see notifications from you, i feel like a happy golden retriever puppy, hello!!<33 i feel that writing anything with sirius would be easier for me in almost every way, especially since that character has been my favorite since childhood, but i wanted to try something new and i was thrilled with the chance to do so! (it's a mess)

pages that may interest you: masterlist ♡ taglist ♡ who i write for

As you stepped out into the gloomy, rain-soaked streets of Ketterdam, you could felt the weight of the city's bearing down upon you. It was a place where danger lurked around every corner, where crime and corruption were the norm, and where only the strongest and most cunning survived. The city's winding, labyrinthine streets were treacherous and difficult to navigate, with slimy cobblestones that seemed to shift and writhe beneath your feet. The stench of sewage and decay hanged heavy in the air, a reminder of the filth and squalor that permeated every inch of the city.

The people of Ketterdam were a rough and ragged bunch, with sharp tongues and even sharper knives. Every interaction was a potential threat, every stranger a possible enemy. It was a place where trust was hard to come by, and betrayal was always just a heartbeat away. And yet, despite all of this, you couldn't help but feel drawn to the city. It was the only place where you've ever felt truly at home, where you could be yourself without fear of judgment or rejection. It was a feeling that both comforted and terrified you, and you knew that you'll never be able to escape it, no matter how hard you try.

You hated Ketterdam with a passion, yet you found yourself unable to imagine living anywhere else. Maybe it was because you hated yourself too, the mere thought of being ordinary filled you with a deep-seated loathing. You had no talents, no skills that could make others look at you with admiration, and to make matters worse, you weren't your parents' favorite child either. That distinction belonged to your older sister, the Grisha who had always been showered with adoration and affection, even when she was away in the Little Palace, thousands of miles from home.

Your parents had always compared you to her, highlighting your shortcomings and making you feel like a disappointment. Even when she was gone, they treated you worse than they ever had before, as if you brought them shame just by existing.

Yet, in Ketterdam, your ordinariness was a blessing. As a member of a gang of thieves, you were the perfect fit. Your lack of beauty and grace made you unremarkable, allowing you to blend into the shadows and avoid attention. You moved with ease through the convoluted streets of the city, navigating its twists and turns, always keeping your wits about you. Of course, there were a times of doubts, where you couldn't help but think that perhaps being strikingly beautiful would be an asset to your profession, especially when robbing wealthy merchants who came to Ketterdam seeking to indulge in its illicit pleasures. But even then, you knew that such a gift would come with its own set of complications, and in Ketterdam, complications were the last thing you needed.

You pulled the hood of your dark cloak over your head, lowering it slightly to obscure your face. You didn't want to be recognized by anyone, but at the same time, you needed to keep an eye on your surroundings and react quickly if needed.

You hastily tucked your frozen hands into the pockets of your coat and quickened your step as you saw two men who were part of the Dime Lions. Your heart skipped a beat as you recognized them. Lately, you had been avoiding these people more than usual, ever since you got into an unnecessary street fight with several members of the gang. They had made it clear that they weren't happy with you, and you knew that they wouldn't hesitate to attack you if given the chance.

But it wasn't just the Dime Lions that you were avoiding. Some people in Ketterdam knew about things they shouldn’t. It was no secret that rumors spread like wildfire in this city, and often found their way into the hands of those who would use them for their own gain. But in a world full of terrible people, you had to be worse.

You walked with no clear destination in mind, driven by the need to distance yourself as much as possible from the Crow Club. It was only moments ago that you had found yourself in a heated argument with the one person who mattered the most to you. His stubborn pride had come between you once again, making you curse his name to the heavens above.

The tension in the hallway was thick enough to cut with a knife as you and Kaz stood facing each other, both seething with frustration. His eyes glinted in the dim light, anger etched deep into the lines of his face. What had started as a minor disagreement had quickly escalated into a full-blown argument, fueled by the unspoken feelings that both tried to hide.

“You don't understand, Y/N,” Kaz growled, his voice low and scratchy. “You never do. You're always off on your own, thinking you know what's best for everyone. You can't keep taking unnecessary risks. It's not just your life on the line.”

“I know that,” you snapped back, your eyes flashing with anger. “But we can’t just sit back and do nothing. We need to take action if we want to survive.”

“Of course we need to take action,” Kaz shot back, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I'm not saying we should do nothing. But we need to be smart about it. We can't rush in blindly. That's why I'm in charge. I know what I'm doing.”

You rolled your eyes, exasperated. “Sometimes being smart means taking risks. That's how we get ahead.”

A heavy silence hung in the air between you, filled only by the sound of your breathing and the rustle of your clothes. Kaz's gaze bore into you with an intensity that made your skin crawl.

His jaw tightened, and he spoke through gritted teeth. “Fine,” he said, his voice icy. “Do whatever you want. But don't expect me to follow you blindly into danger.”

You took a step closer to Kaz, your eyes blazing. “I don't need you to follow me, Kaz. I can take care of myself.”

His eyes narrowed, and he took a step back, his hand on his cane for support. “Then go ahead and do that. But please, leave before I lose myself to madness and beg you to stay.”

Your chest tightened with hope as Kaz's words registered in your mind. Could it be that he actually wanted you to stay? But your hopes were dashed as you saw him turn his back and begin walking away. The urge to call out to him, to make him admit his feelings, consumed you, but you knew it was pointless. Kaz Brekker was not one to bare his soul.

With a frustrated growl, you clenched your fists so tightly that your nails dug painfully into your palms. Without another word, you turned and stormed down the stairs. Ignoring Jesper's questioning gaze and Wylan's confused expression, you burst out into the rain-soaked streets of the Barrel, letting the cool droplets wash away your anger and frustration.

Your mind was a chaotic mess of emotions as you walked, all directed towards the one man who had the power to make you feel so much. Kaz's words echoed in your head, spoken in his rough voice, which usually sounded like the most beautiful melody to your ears, but now it was a curse that tormented you and did not allow you to find peace.

“I don't need you, Kaz. You're the last person I want,” you muttered under your breath, and as if fate was playing a game, you bumped into the very person with whom the whole argument began. What a coincidence.

You lifted your gaze, and your eyes met with the one who infamously called himself Ketterdam's most dangerous person. Although he didn't know you, you were familiar with him well enough to know that he would want to have you with him despite your undistinguished appearance and lack of special skills.

In a rush of panic, you lowered your head, feigning humility to mask your face. “I apologize, sir,” you began, trying to hide the hint of fear you could sense in your voice. “I should be more careful.”

The man smirked, his eyes scanning over your form. “It's no problem, sweetheart,” he said, his voice oozing with arrogance and entitlement. “But you should watch where you're going. It's not safe to be wandering around these parts alone.” His hand brushed against your arm, sending shivers down your spine.

You flinched at the touch, trying to pull away from him, but then he grabbed you. You knew what type of man he was, and the last thing you wanted was to be alone with him in a dark alley. You tried to think of an excuse to leave, but before you could say anything, the gravelly rasp of a familiar voice interrupted.

“Is there a problem here, gentlemen?” Kaz's voice was calm and controlled, but there was an underlying threat that made the man release his grip on you and take a step back.

“None at all,” the man replied smoothly.

Kaz stepped closer, his eyes narrowing. “I suggest you leave the lady alone then.”

The man scoffed. “I suggest you mind your own business, boy.”

Kaz's hand, covered with a leather glove, tightened on the crow's head ornamenting his cane. “I'll make it my business if I see someone harassing a woman in my city.”

The man sneered, clearly not intimidated by Kaz's threat. “Your city?” he asked with a hint of derision, studying Kaz more thoughtfully. Suddenly, as if he had just connected the dots, he added, “Last time I checked, it was still called Ketterdam, not Dirtyhands's kingdom.”

Kaz's expression didn't change, but you could sense the tension in the air. “Believe what you want, but if you don't leave now, I'll make sure you regret it.”

The man seemed to consider his options for a moment before finally releasing a grunt of annoyance and walking away, oblivious to the inevitable fate that awaited him regardless of his decision. Death was the only possible outcome and the only variable was who would carry out the execution.

Finally, the man was out of sight, and you released a breath you didn't even realize you were holding. Kaz turned to you, and you met his gaze with a mixture of gratitude and anger. Despite feeling indebted to him for his intervention, you couldn't help but feel frustrated by his interference. “I didn't need your help,” you said, trying to sound confident.

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “It sure looked like you did.”

You glared at him, feeling embarrassed and exposed. He had seen you in a moment of vulnerability, and you hated yourself for it. “I could have handled it,” you insisted, although you knew it was a lie. You couldn't have handled the situation on your own. You were a skilled thief, but you lacked the physical strength to overpower a man twice your size. You were not armed with revolvers, nor did you possess the abilities of a Corpsewitch. You were just an average person, with quick fingers and the ability to pick locks, nothing more.

“How did you know where to find me?” you added.

“Did you think I wouldn't follow you? I had a feeling you'd get yourself into trouble, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon.”

You rolled your eyes, but a small part of you was grateful that Kaz had your back. “And what about-”

“Inej will take care of him,” he said, cutting you off, signaling that he didn't want to discuss the matter any further. “Let's head back to the Slat. You're soaked.”

Kaz started walking away, disappearing into a dark alley without waiting for you. You sighed and followed him, feeling the dampness of your clothes sticking to your skin.

The walk back to the Slat was silent, with only the sound of raindrops hitting the cobblestones to fill the air. As you entered the place, you immediately noticed the curious looks of your crewmates. Jesper was there, even though he usually preferred gambling at the Crows Cub and Matthias stood at the top of the stairs, watching you with his arms crossed. It seemed like everyone was waiting for you to return, and you couldn't help but feel uneasy.

Ignoring the greetings, Kaz announced, “You'll never guess who Y/N met.” The room fell silent, and Kaz removed his hat as if to emphasize his point. “Antoon Beudeker.”

A hum of surprised sounds ran through the room, and all eyes turned to you. You felt uncomfortable being the center of attention. You had been trying to track down Beudeker for weeks, but he always managed to slip away from you, as if someone in the Dregs was tipping him off about your plans.

Nina spoke up, breaking the silence. “What do you mean by that?”

Kaz looked at you, not bothering to hide his annoyance. “A talent for stealing isn't Y/N's only skill. As you can see, the talent for trouble far outweighs it.”

You shifted uncomfortably under Kaz's gaze, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. You knew you had made a mistake by bumping into Beudeker, but it wasn't even your fault. All you wanted was to cut yourself off after the argument with Kaz, and now he was the one who was right again.

Wylan's voice carried through the quiet room, breaking the tension. “What are we do with him now?” he asked, but no one answered, assuming that it was up to their missing Wraith to handle the situation.

Jesper's frustration boiled over, and he jumped up from his seat. “It's not fair!” he exclaimed, pointing his revolver at the wall. “I was the one who wanted to put a bullet between his eyes.”

Matthias stepped forward, before anyone reacted to sharpshooter's words, his expression serious. “We need to figure out who's been leaking our plans to Antoon. This could be dangerous for all of us.”

“I agree,” Nina added. “We need to find out who's been betraying us and deal with them.”

Wylan's voice piped up, “What if we set a trap?”

Kaz nodded, considering the idea.

“We could feed different information to each member of the Dregs and see which version gets back to someone who will claim to be Beudeker now. That way, we'll know who we can trust and who we can't,” you suggested.

Nina grinned. “I like it. And if we catch the traitor, we can make an example out of them.”

Jesper's eyes gleamed with anticipation. “I'll provide the entertainment.”

Matthias shook his head. “No, Jesper. We can't take the law into our own hands. We'll handle the traitor according to our own rules, but we won't kill them.”

Jesper shrugged, disappointed but not arguing. “But killing is our rule, Helvar.”

Matthias's expression darkened, but before he could reply, Kaz spoke up. “That's enough. We're not discussing this any further. We need to focus on finding the leak first, not arguing about how to deal with them.”

Jesper and Matthias both looked at Kaz, but neither of them said anything. The silence in the room was heavy with tension, and you could sense the frustration emanating from Jesper and the anger radiating from Matthias. Kaz's tone had effectively shut down the conversation, but you knew that it was far from over.

“We'll start investigating tomorrow,” Kaz's voice filled the room again. “For now, let's all get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us.”

As Kaz's words faded away, the tension in the room dissipated, and everyone began to go their separate ways. You hesitated, still reeling from the events of the evening, unsure of what to do next.

Sensing your unease, Kaz approached you, his expression serious but not unkind. “I know this is a lot to take in,” he said, his voice low. “But we have a job to do, and we can't afford to let our emotions cloud our judgment. I need you to be focused tomorrow, do you understand?”

You nodded, feeling a bit guilty for today’s argument. “Yes. I'll be ready,” you replied, determined to not let him down.

Kaz gave you a small nod of approval before turning to leave. You watched him go, listening to the rhythmic tapping of his cane on the panels. The weight of his words settling on your shoulders. It was true that you couldn't afford to let your emotions get in the way of the investigation, but it was easier said than done. The events of the evening had shaken you to your core, and you weren't sure if you could push them aside so easily. Life in Ketterdam has been hard, but never before has such danger reached you directly.

With a heavy sigh, you made your way back to your room, hoping that a good night's rest would help clear your mind.

You were surprised to find the Antoon's spy so easily, feeling foolish for not discovering it sooner. Despite the setback, the mood in the Crow Club remained peaceful as the days passed. The seventh of you sat together, planning your next move and gossiping about Ketterdam's richest people. Kaz seemed more relaxed than usual, and even Jesper and Matthias were on their best behavior, seemingly content to simply enjoy the moment of peace.

As the night wore on and the group's conversation continued to flow, you couldn't help but notice Kaz's eyes on you. You caught his gaze a few times, and each time you felt a jolt of electricity run through you. It was a feeling you had been trying to ignore for a while now, but it was becoming increasingly difficult with each passing day.

As you turned to look at Jesper, who was recounting a funny story, you noticed Kaz's expression change slightly. It was a subtle shift, but you could tell he was suddenly distant, lost in thought.

After a few minutes, Kaz stood up and motioned for you to follow him. You looked around at the others, confused, but they simply shrugged and continued their conversation. You followed Kaz up the dimly lit hallway to his office.

Once inside, Kaz closed the door and motioned for you to take a seat. You sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, feeling a bit nervous. Kaz took a seat opposite you, resting his cane on the desk, right next to the chair and leaned forward, his elbows on his desk.

His expression was serious, but not unkind. “I wanted to talk to you about something,” he began, his voice low. “I've noticed that things between us have been a bit... different lately.”

You shifted in your seat, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “Different how?” you asked, not sure if you really wanted to know the answer.

Kaz leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. “I think you know what I mean,” he replied, his gaze fixed on yours.

Your heart skipped a beat as you realized what he was talking about. “Kaz, I...” you began, but he cut you off with a wave of his hand.

“I just wanted you to know that I'm aware of the situation,” he said, his tone even, then he paused for a moment. “You know, Y/N. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to care for someone. To really care for someone,” he looked directly at you, his eyes intense, emphasizing the weight of his words. “And I've come to the conclusion that there's no one I care for more than you.”

You were completely taken aback by Kaz's words. You had never heard him express his feelings so openly before. Your heart raced as you searched his face for any sign of insincerity, but you found none. You were overcome with a mixture of shock, disbelief, and joy.

His heart sank as he watched you gaze at Jesper with a look of admiration and affection earlier, even if you two were just friends. It was then that he realized how deeply in love with you he truly was. He had been trying to ignore his feelings for you for so long, but seeing you look at someone else with such tenderness was too much to bear.

Kaz carefully chose his words, wanting to express his feelings without being too direct. “I've been thinking about our friendship,” he said, his voice low and serious. “I value our bond more than anything else in the world, and I want to make sure that nothing ever comes between us.”

“Why are you bringing this up now?” you asked genuinely confused by Kaz's sudden openness.

He shifted in his seat, looking almost uncomfortable, “Well, I just wanted to make sure that you know how much you mean to me,” Kaz said, his eyes meeting yours. “There's no one else I trust or care for more than you, Y/N.”

You could feel the weight of his words, the sincerity and depth of emotion behind them. You knew that he was a man of few words, and when he spoke, it was always with a purpose. It was hard to reconcile this Kaz with the cold and distant one you had grown accustomed to over the years.

You couldn't help but feel that there was an underlying message in Kaz's words, something that he wasn't explicitly stating. Your intuition was telling you that there was more to the story than what he had let on. You couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that something was amiss.

“Kaz,” you began, your voice hesitant. “Is there something else you want to tell me? Something that you're not saying?”

Kaz's expression remained neutral, but you could sense a hint of discomfort in his demeanor. You knew that he wasn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve, so you weren't surprised that he was hesitant to open up to you completely.

“I've said what I needed to say,” Kaz replied, his voice flat. “There's nothing more to it.”

His reply felt like a dead end, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. You knew that he was a complex person, with layers that even you couldn't fully comprehend, but you couldn't shake off the sense that he was still holding something back. Nonetheless, you tried to put on a brave face and show your gratitude for his honesty.

“Okay,” you said, rising from your seat. “I appreciate you telling me how you feel. Our friendship means the world to me too, Kaz.” You couldn't help but wonder what his true intentions were, but you knew that you needed to be patient and let him come to you when he was ready.

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mcntsee · 11 months

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titlemewickedwonderland · 1 year

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Seawater (Kaz Brekker) part 2

Summary: After escaping from a trader who deals in human trafficking Ira finds herself drowning in more than just the ocean. When she thinks she's going to die - She stares into the endless depths of the Leader of the Crow Club and suddenly she is drowning in more than just the sea.

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Fem!Oc

Warnings: Mention of SA, Angst, Slight Kaz Brekker OOC?

A/N: I have never read any of the books but have seen most of the show; it had been a while back but I hope I do this one-shot justice. I've revisited the show again so I wanted to write something.

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Part 1 here

She was crying. She was screaming; beating at the man with everything she had but the man wouldn't budge. Like a boulder with the mind of a bull. She hurt and no matter how much her voice raised in protest he wouldn't stop. They never do. They come and they go; using her up and throwing her away like an old rag once their money's worth was spent. And she'd be left alone, cold, and feeling as if no amount of soap, baths, or even the damned holy water of a priest would cleanse her body or mind from the horrors she endured. She saw the figure looming above her with that familiar glint in his eye that she'd come to know real well as he bounced a bag of Kruge in his palm while he leered at her.

"I think I'll keep yah gurl. You're worth more than I paid for yah."

And then she was screaming. Screaming bloody murder as he walked away. The terror she'd never felt before now tearing into her like hot iron when she realized she'd never escape this man. This hellhole just wouldn't let go of her; whatever shred of hope or light she had snuffed out in that one sentence. Her fist banged against the dirty floor as her sobs echoed in the dark and dank room she'd been held in for the last few years. Her saints have forsaken her now and she was alone.

Hands gripped her and it felt as if spiders crawled along her skin. She screamed out a broken sob as she fought with all the desperation she had in her body. She hated the feeling. She hated it so much; the feel of their skin along her own. Were they trying to hurt her? Were they going to use her like so countless others have? She wouldn't let them! She'd die before she'd let a man use her ever again!

"Hey! Calm down, it's alright. You're safe! You're alright little dove!"

The words were spoken frantically as hands grappled hers that flailed; smacking and shoving as if fighting off an offender. And then her eyes opened; they blurred and unfocused around the dimness of the room. So sparsely decorated with a single bed, a desk by a window, and a large trunk of drawers at the foot of her bed. A nightstand sat beside her bed where a single candlelight illuminated her surroundings only a few feet around her and for a moment her foggy brain thought she was back in that godforsaken cell.

But then the scent of familiar spice came on a shaky inhale into her lungs and rewired her brain. Citrus-like lemons, heady spice-like cinnamon, and the familiar gunpowder smoke. Each descriptive scent played on a loop in her head until her mind cleared and she slumped back into the man's arms like a dead weight.

Jesper.

It was only Jesper. Jesper wouldn't harm her. Jesper was safe. She was safe, Jesper was here with her. She repeated those words over and over in her head like a mantra as she tried to steady her frantic heartbeat. A pair of familiar bronze-colored hands hesitated as they released her arms that had been pinned in an X against her chest to keep her from flailing and instead slowly released her completely allowing the girl to pull her body from where it leaned against his.

"I'm sorry," she whispered closing her eyes. "I just - I thought-"

"It was just a nightmare." Jesper assured softly with a smile that slowly bloomed with a hesitant reassurance as brown eyes watched warily while the girl shifted to lean against the headboard; pulling the pillar in front of her and hugging it close as if shielding herself.

She looked down at her shaking hands as they gripped the pillow to her and they clenched even tighter still until her knuckles turned white and she had to bury her nose into the fabric to ground herself; inhaling the scent of the soap used to wash them - grateful beyond words when they smelled crisp and clean instead of the musty scent of that disgusting cell she'd been left to rot in.

She knew Jesper wouldn't hurt her but she was still so skittish when it came to trusting others - let alone allowing physical contact. It had taken her so long just to gather to courage to be in the same room as the man and it was only because he was the one to have jumped over that banister into the cold water to save her from drowning after the Heartrender stopped her heart. She'd owed him that much at least.

She was grateful that Jesper knew his limits, though. He'd seen the terror in her eyes on the most animalistic level that had his gut-wrenching to imagine what she'd been through to have such a reaction to a man so close to her. Ira didn't like to be touched; a fact clear as day and a thing he'd respected because she was not the only one in Jesper's circle that abhorred physical contact. The only difference was that he knew in his gut her reasoning.

He'd liked to think he earned a scrap of her trust - to allow him anywhere near her. Even in her two weeks of living with the Crows, it had been an uphill battle. It was so evident that Ira was still a girl who had lost much and Jesper found himself needing to protect her like a little sister. She wasn't particularly close with any of them but besides Jesper, the only one who'd given her any resemblance of comfort was Inej because she was a woman who had been through similar events as Ira herself. The brilliant thing about how Ira thought was how she could sense the intent in a person before she interacted with them; a trait she no doubt had learned through countless years of trauma. That trauma reflected in her eyes but he was not a blind man - more observant than people gave him credit for and he was ever grateful that he'd allowed her this closeness; little as it was right now, to allow him to stay close to her.

Then there was Kaz. Jesper couldn't wrap his head around the tension in the room whenever Ira and Kaz faced off. As if two wary animals stood on either side of the room wary of the other and hackles raised. Ira and Kaz Brekker were similar in their mistrust of people and of their touch aversion you'd think they would be on the same page. But it was as if they walked on eggshells around each other.

"D-did you just come back from another job?" Ira's big green eyes focused on the sharpshooter who looked as if he was out in thought again while he sat at the edge of her bed.

He blinked at her and gave her that ever-charming smile. "Why would you say that?"

Ira made a show of leaning over and dramatically sniffing him before her nose began to scrunch up and she pulled away. "Because you stink like you haven't bathed in a week!"

"My pride is wounded! I always smell nice!" Jesper's brown eyes widened in equal dramatization as he clasp a hand to his heart.

He wouldn't deny the fact that he felt such warmth in his heart whenever Ira had to courage to actually play like that with him regarding her past with men. She was starting to warm up to him at least and he felt such relief from that; it gave him the courage to push just a little bit to see her smile.

"I'm fine Jesper. Maybe going a little stir-crazy being locked away in this room all day...I've been reading the same two books for the past week." she gave a little shrug as she played with a string sticking from the blanket across her lap.

She knew she wasn't a prisoner here at the Slat. Inej would visit her when she wasn't scouting jobs. Jesper would pop in every few hours to check in on her and bring her food; the mother hen that he argued he wasn't. She'd only ever had one visit from Kaz a few days after she'd woken up in this room and it was a tense affair to be sure. He never did stop by again; any messages were sent to the more agreeable of his crows - he never sent one of his Dregs though, a fact that Ira had taken notice of and felt a small shred of gratefulness and respect for the boss man.

"Why don't you go upstairs to ask for another book from Kaz? I'm sure the boss man won't mind! He won't even miss it with how much work he buries himself in. If you take a look at his shelves you'd find those poor spines have more dust on them than an abandoned church." Jesper leaned back on his hands and looked over at her with a teasing smirk.

Ira didn't laugh at his joke even if her lip tipped ever so slightly upward to show her amusement. She did look up at him though after a moment but he could see the way her body tensed at the very notion of leaving this room to go see him. Kaz had done nothing to make her distrust him. Perhaps it was the dominating or cold look he always wore that made her wary of him but Jesper knew she didn't like going near the man in black.

"If you could-" Ira swallowed thickly but was unable to finish her request.

Jesper fell back on one elbow and craned his head to meet her green eyes as his own softened on her face.

"He won't hurt you Ira. No one will hurt you again. Never. "

"I know."

But did she? She was so scared of everyone; less fearful of women but like a caged animal who fell back on its primal instinct for survival she couldn't find it in herself to try and trust anyone knew. Kaz was like the dark figure in the corner of her eye she feared to turn her head to look at in case those piercing blue eyes and that crow-shaped cane would be there waiting to lash out at her.

"It's okay, whenever you're ready. I'm going to go hop on some tables and gamble away more of Kaz's money." he patted the bed between them and gave her a playful wink before he was up and heading for the door.

"So if you need me-"

"I'll holler." she finished for him. A statement of assurance they both needed as much as it was a routine. Her lips curled just a tad more as he shot him a look.

"Thanks Jesper."

"Anytime, little dove." the door snapped closed with a flurry as he left.

It was late - she could tell with the pitch darkness outside of her window but it didn't matter; her inner clockworks were all out of sorts. She slept when she wanted to, ate when she needed, and stayed up whenever she couldn't sleep regardless of the time of night or day. Hours after Jesper vacated her space she lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling with the book she'd been reading laid across her chest. She could hear the droll of the patrons at the Slat in the deafening silence in her room and she suddenly felt as if she was no longer alone. Knowing that just below her feet were dozens of men. Even when her door was locked from within she still feared the unknown below her.

So, she did what she didn't do often enough. Crawling from the bed she dressed in her a pair of slacks and her button-down shirt Inej had left for her; tucking the hem into her pants before slipping on her boots. She wished she had some weaponry to defend herself with if needed or at least have a dagger hidden on her to make her feel safer; instead, she armed herself with the two books she'd held hostage for the past week and with the familiar weight of them in her arms, Ira left her room - locking it securely behind her before she was heading towards a set of stairs down the hallway towards the attic where she knew the owner of the Slat and masterminds behind The Crows resided in his office/bedroom.

She was grateful when she no longer heard the sound of men's voices behind her as she finally stood in front of the door she had only ever once been standing at. Her knuckles wrapped lightly on the wood before a voice called for her to enter. She opened it just enough for her to slip through before closing. She never trusted an open door to allow anyone else to slip behind her unaware.

Kaz sat at his desk; right where she imagined he'd never felt most of his day. He looked up at her - and she froze like a deer in the headlights of a car. That familiar intensity of his cold blue eyes and sharp cheekbones would cause any other person to feel fear but Ira only felt tense; perhaps a little fear but she had to remind herself what Jesper said - Kaz would never harm her.

He was studying her without a word and she stared right back until those blue eyes were too much and she had to drop her head to avoid it; god those blue eyes had gotten her every time. So guarded and cold but if she had the strength to look deeper into his expression she'd have caught the minuscule of details. But it was just a little flicker in his eyes and the way his head tilted just a centimeter that gave him away to a sense of mild concern and curiosity as he dropped his head back down to his paperwork.

She breathed a silent sigh of relief when he no longer stared at her; the feeling of pinpricks easing from her skin and she took this as her invitation to stay. The flame of the candlelight flickering around the room cast shadows as she stepped up to a bookshelf off to the side of the room. She was not facing him but she could feel his intense stare whenever he glanced up at her watching as her hands visibly shook while she began placing the books where she'd imagined they went on the shelf.

"What is it?" his voice startled her despite the softness of his tone - it sounded larger than the familiar gunshots of Jesper's guns and Ira dropped one of the books at the sound before spinning around to stare at him. That familiar sense of danger urged her to run but Kaz never left his position at his desk; instead, he was openly staring her down.

"I-I'm sorry?" she stuttered out feeling her breath come in sharp inhales as she prayed for the panic to keep at bay.

But Kaz said nothing about her reaction and instead gave her a hard stare before setting his pen down to give her his undivided attention. That was never good when he did that and Ira knew this; she hated being pinned under men's stares. She bent down to grab the fallen book and fiddled with the edges to stop her nerves as she looked anywhere but at the man.

"You don't come up here. I'm surprised to see you out of the room."

Ira breathed out a shaky laugh and crossed her arms; hugging the book to her chest. "That's what Jesper said but he encouraged me to come up here because I'd finished the books...I-I mean I'm just returning them to you. Jesper didn't want to do it for me so he-"

"Ira."

her mouth clicked shut and she swallowed casting her eyes down to her boots. They had ever interacted once upon her first initial night awake at the Slat and he knew he made her nervous so he was trying not to be too cold towards her. Not yet; he didn't trust her but he understood her story now thanks to Inej and Jesper's interjections. He reached to grab the cane at his side and tapped it against the floor twice to get her attention; the sound made her flinch but her attention was drawn to him all the same.

"Sit down Ira. We have a business to discuss."

#six of crows #Shadow and Bone #Six of Crows #grishaverse #Kaz Brekker #fem!oc #Freddy Carter #SaB oneshot #SoC oneshot #should i make more?#angst #slight fluff #short fic?#Give me feedback for more?#Tag list open #requests open

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simplych3rry · 7 months

Text

-Drunken Giggles-

Freddy Carter/Fem!Reader Platonic Crows Cast x Fem!Reader

Description: Freddy takes care of his drunken friend crush after a party

(Request from @opheliaofficial07: Hello, can I request a Freddy Oneshot where reader is a friend of one of the cast members and they get drunk and Freddy takes care of them)

Warnings: drinking, nausea, headaches, vomiting, clubbing

____________________

“And you’re completely sure this will be fine?” Y/N questioned, running her finger along the edge of the gift bag.

“Yes!” Jack exclaimed for the millionth time that day. “He will love it, I swear,”

“And you’re sure it’s okay for me to come along?” She asked yet again, leaning back against the passenger seat staring at her best friend as he drove.

“Yes Y/N, they all loved you, I swear,” he glanced at her before turning his eyes back to the road. “Now hush before I crash this car,”

She snickered, rolling her eyes, before turning up the volume on the radio station currently playing as her and Jack sang along to the cheesy pop songs blasting from the speaker.

Jack Wolfe had been her best friend since nursery she supposed. She couldn’t remember life without him. They had been there for each other forever. He was practically her brother if you thought about it.

She had been over the moon when he was cast as Wylan Van Eck in Netflix’s upcoming show ‘Shadow and Bone’ and even more delighted when he recently introduced her to his cast mates, which was only fitting as he wanted his new found family his own sister.

They all, naturally, loved her. With her witty jokes and dazzling smile, she was a hit and blended in seamlessly with them despite not even being on the show alongside them.

Freddy, in particular, had paid close attention to this beautiful girl and couldn’t keep his mind off her since.

So now, she had been invited to Kit’s birthday party and was freaking out constantly asking Jack for his reassurance that she wasn’t going to be awkward there and that she would be fine.

It wasn’t that she was nervous about seeing them again, well maybe only Freddy, but she felt like an intruder. Trying to mix in with an already established group.

She watched as Jack reversed into a parking space and switched off the engine, before opening the car door.

Quickly checking her appearance in the overhead mirror, she grabbed the bag in one hand and her purse in the other before swinging open the door and stepping out into the cool breeze.

She shut the door behind her with a bang and smoothed down her silky dress.

She and Jack walked side by side to Kit’s chosen club of the night. The sun was beginning to set and, since it was late October in England, it was already freezing.

“Remember to call a taxi on the way back,” he reminded her, flicking her with his finger.

“Yes, dad,” she groaned, smacking his hand away, laughing

She ran her hands up and down and her arms trying to keep herself warm as they neared the club.

The line was relatively short at this time so they got to the front fast enough.

They flashed the bouncer their ID’s before stepping inside.

As soon as the door shut behind them they immediately lifted their hands to their eyes trying to block out the colourful ribbons of light shooting out from every direction possible.

Loud music filled their ears as they turned to look at eachother.

The dance floor was completely packed with bodies already so it was hard to see anyone in this dim light.

Y/N turned to scan the crowd and noticed a certain brunette boy smiling at his friends.

“Look, there’s Freddy,” she said, raising her voice over the crowd even though she doubted she was heard.

She pointed in their direction and took Jack’s hand to make sure he followed her.

She wove her way around several bodies, grinding to the beat, or flailing their arms around, almost spilling drinks, before reaching her intended destination.

She leaned forward to tap on Freddy’s shoulder but as if sensing her arrival, he turned before she could actually make contact with him.

She did an awkward little half wave with that arm before lowering it.

“Hi,” she said, smiling.

“Hello," he returned the smile.

She was just about to open her mouth before Danielle crashed into her, hugging her tight.

“Hi Dani!” She giggled, hugging her back.

She took turns greeting the rest of the cast in similar fashion before turning to Kit.

“Happy Birthday!” She beamed, thrusting the gift bag forward. “I hope you like it,”

He gave her a hug and thanked her for the gift and coming along too.

Just then Calahan and Jack returned with a tray of drinks, everyone turning to grab one.

Let the party begin.

*****

Somehow, one drink turned into about five.

Well, six by the time Y/N finished gulping down the glass before joining Kit back on the dance floor

By now she was completely drunk.

As were many of her friends around her.

Kit and Y/N were drunkenly dancing, Dani and Amita had taken to loudly laughing at every little thing.

Only Cal, Freddy had remained sober enough, only downing a drink or two.

Jack had left earlier as he told her he had to see his dog? Or was it his mum? Y/N couldn't remember.

The alcohol blurred her thoughts together as she continued dancing.

Eventually, she all but tumbled, very ungracefully, into the seat next to Freddy, pacing just one last shot.

“Easy, easy,” he laughed, warmly, that sound wrapping around her like a blanket.

She laughed back, looking up at him, captured by his outrageously gorgeous eyes.

She leaned forward, a bit boldly, to brush away a strand of hair stuck to his eyelid. He blushed at the contact but it was quite dark so she wouldn’t have seen it.

“Thanks,” he replied but Y/N was already bounding off towards Kit and Dani, who was slow dancing with Amita, again.

He smiled at her dark hair, wildly flicking everywhere and how carefree she looked while dancing.

If only she knew how much he liked her.

*****

“Doing alright love?”

Y/N looked up at the sound of his familiar voice, shivering in the late fall chill.

“Helloooooooo,” she replied, staring into his eyes and leaning against the brick wall, furiously rubbing her hands down her arms for some warmth but to no avail.

Almost everyone had gone home now but Y/N seemed to have forgotten her phone in Jack's car before they left so she was stuck here, drunk and cold, with no way home.

“And who's coming to get you?” He asked, looking around at the street as she was alone outside and it was dark, not the safest of situations.

“I c-cant finnnnnd my phooooooneee,” she hiccuped, looking around her bag again even though she had checked like a million times.

“Oh,” his brows furrowed.

He couldn’t leave her here alone, not while she was drunk.

“I can drop you off,” he offered, searching her face for her reaction. He never would have said it if it wasn’t for the way she was shivering, or maybe it was the drunken smile on her face, the way she still looked perfect despite her current situation.

They had both been dancing around the flames of their attraction, not wanting to ruin their friendship and also completely oblivious to the obvious spark there.

He should’ve just ordered her a taxi but whatever. He cared for her.

Besides, she probably wouldn’t remember this tomorrow.

She nodded aggressively in agreement and bounded off towards the car park.

He laughed before calling, “Wrong way!”

She turned on her heel, remarkably fast for someone who was wearing heels, and let Freddy lead them on.

At some point, and she could not remember when, her feet had gotten so sore she ended up leaning on Freddy, with his arm draped around her protectively.

She was obviously shivering and he felt a slight twinge in his chest.

“Here,” he said, shrugging off his jacket, “Wear this,” he draped it over her shoulder so she would at least have some protection.

She sighed in relief and thanked him before hiccuping again.

He was absolutely freezing but the smile on her face warmed him up just fine.

He sensed the paparazzi would obviously show up soon enough and it was bad enough that Y/N was in this state so he didn’t look around for the occasional flash and focused on getting Y/N to the car quickly before she did something that would end up on tabloids tomorrow.

After what seemed like an age, they finally neared his car, parked in a separate car park a couple of minutes away.

He made her lean against the car frame as he opened the passenger seat for her.

He helped her in and gently shut the door, making his way around to the driver's side.

He settled in and slammed the door shut with him, sheltering himself from the cruel cold.

He rubbed his hands together before starting the engine and turning on the heater.

He looked over at Y/N who was leaning against the window, smiling, in her own world.

He gently tapped her on the leg to get her attention.

“What’s your address?” He asked as she turned around to face him.

She rattled off her address as he keyed it into his sat-nav and buckled herself in.

He slightly raised the volume of the radio station playing so it could fill in the awkward silence as he set down the road.

“So…” he cleared his throat. “Have a nice night?” He asked awkwardly.

He wasn’t really sure what to say.

“Y-yeah,” she hiccuped. “Ffffffabuloussss,”

He laughed warmly as the conversation grew a bit smoother as the journey continued.

Soon enough, they reached her apartment complex as he parked outside.

He turned off the engine and looked over at her, she was slightly snoring.

His lips tipped up in a smile knowing that she was comfortable enough with him to fall asleep.

He opened his car door and got out, rounding the car to her side and opening it.

He nudged her gently, trying to slowly awaken her.

“Y/N,” he murmured, “we’re here,”

She opened her eyes and blinked confusedly in his direction for a second before recognition flickered in her eyes.

He helped her out of the car and blipped it shut behind him.

They made their way towards the entrance.

“Ugh, I’m g-going to chooooop my f-feet offfff,” she groaned, wincing in her heels.

“That’s a bit dramatic,” he laughed but bent down and prised them off her feet.

She practically moaned when her feet were flat on the lobby ground.

He bent down slightly and stabilised his hand beneath her knee and armpits before scooping her up, not willing to let her walk on the dirty ground.

She murmured her floor number and relaxed in his embrace and he thumbed the button and the lift ascended up.

The building was practically silent at this time of night so nobody would see them anyway.

As the lift doors opened and he stepped out, she pointed to which door was hers.

He put her down for a moment, her heels still in his hands, as she fumbled around her purse for a key.

Eventually, she found it and held it in her shaky grip and unlocked the door.

She all but stumbled inside, collapsing on her velvet couch with a ‘thump’.

He shut the door behind him and placed her heels on the ground.

He looked around at her flat, while it wasn’t in the best state it definitely suited her, he supposed.

Chaotic yet beautiful.

He supposed he should go now, now that she was home safely, but he didn’t really want to if he was honest.

“Well, night then,” he waved, turning around to the door.

“Wait,” she exclaimed and shot up on the couch holding out a hand.

His eyebrows furrowed and he turned around facing her.

“Ssssstay, p-please, don’t l-leeeeeave me aloooone,” she slurred, clasping her hands, begging.

“Are you sure?” He asked, uncertainly.

She was drunk and wasn’t thinking right.

“Yes!” She gasped as if it were the most obvious thing on this planet.

He nodded and turned around towards the door again.

“Wait! W-where arrrrreeee you goinnnng?” She hiccuped.

“To lock the door,” he laughed, turning the key and hearing the satisfying click.

She sunk back into the couch and just lay there.

He laughed as she started snoring softly again.

He pushed open a door which he was correct in assuming was her bedroom.

The sheets slightly ruffled as if made in a rush, an overflowing makeup case strewn on her desk, clothes hanging from railings.

He pulled back the bedsheets and went back to the living room and scooped the sleeping beauty up. He lay her onto her bed, taking off the jacket, and pulled the duvet over her.

He supposed her dress wasn't the comfiest thing to sleep in but he didn’t want to invade her privacy like that.

He grabbed the water bottle beside her bed and filled it up with fresh water for her incase she woke up thirsty.

He also dragged a bin beside her incase she threw up.

He smiled softly to himself as she had already made herself comfy in her bed.

He flicked off the light and shut the door, leaving it fractionally open.

He looked around for a couple minutes before he found a spare blanket and he made himself comfy on her couch.

He lay awake thinking of the day's events and what led up to this before sleep began to overtake him too.

His eyes flickered open and shut as he listened to the sleeping girl in the other room, his breath subconsciously matching hers.

*****

“Bleuch,” she heaved into the bin.

Perfect start to the morning really.

She’d woken up with a pounding headache, the driest mouth, the sorest throat and the most aching body ever. Not to mention the nausea that had been rolling around her stomach since she’d finally gotten to her senses.

God, she was never drinking again, she thought as she spewed into the bin again.

Then she heard footsteps approaching her bedroom and she got confused.

Then flashbacks of last night hit her. Oh. It was Freddy. She had asked, no, begged him to stay. Fabulous. She threw up again.

The door tentatively opened and Freddy poked his head inside.

When he saw that she was leaning over the bin, he stepped fully inside and rushed over to her.

“Are you doing okay?” He wrinkled his nose at the stench of vomit.

Without lifting up her head, she gave him a thumbs up before falling back against the bed.

“I am never drinking again,” she stated, voice hoarse.

Jeez, how much did she actually drink to be this hungover.

He snorted, “How are you feeling?” He asked, but she instantly shushed him and he forgot how loud he might sound to her. It felt like a jackhammer drilling into her skull. “Sorry,” he whispers.

“Like I’ve been run over. By a truck,” she groans. Wincing, because everything hurt.

He went over to the window and pulled the blinds up about a quarter way, so the room was still dark enough, then opened the window to get some fresh air in here.

“Why don’t you go shower?” He mused, seeing her rumpled state. Hair matted to her forehead, face pale with nausea.

“I think I’m just going to wait here,” she winced, eyes shut.

“For what?” He scrunched his nose in confusion.

“Sleep? Death? I don’t know,”

He chucked before telling her again: “Go on, shower,”

“That’s if I can even stand,” she muttered before weakly swinging her legs over the bed frame and pushing herself up, grasping onto her headboard.

Freddy stepped forward, grasping her arms and helping her up.

He wrapped an arm around her and helped her hobble to the bathroom.

She smiled at him gratefully and locked the door as he stepped back.

She heard his retreating footsteps and she limped over to the sink and almost had an aneurysm at the sight in the mirror.

She looked dreadful. Her eyes widened alarmingly. How hadn’t Freddy ran away yet?

She groaned quietly. Her eyes were so bloodshot ,that it was genuinely scary, which stuck out even more on her extremely pale face. Her hair was matted in all kinds of ways which made her wonder if she would ever be able to detangle it. Her makeup was smudged and sticky and her party dress was all rumpled.

She stripped off everything in record time and practically cried in relief when that cool water hit her skin.

Meanwhile, after he had cleaned out her bin and replaced it, Freddy set to making breakfast for them. He had settled on a simple avocado on toast for Y/N seeing as she couldn’t stomach much anyway.

For himself, he decided on scrambled eggs and started making them.

The eggs hit the pan in a sizzle and he started to smile to himself as he heard Y/N humming in the other room, sure it was tuneless and random but he loved seeing her comfortable around him.

As he plated the eggs and placed them on her small dining table, he heard the shower turn off and the bathroom door open.

He scoffed down his breakfast in record time, not haven eaten dinner from the night before.

When he finished he washed his plate and left it in the rack for drying.

He gave her a few more minutes before picking up her breakfast and walked to her bedroom door.

“Come in,” she said, voice hoarse.

He opened the door and crossed over the dim room to her bed and lowered the plate beside her.

“I’m not hungry,” she sighs.

He frowns before raising his eyebrows, “You need to eat,”

“No,”

“Yes,”

She stuck her tongue out at him before grabbing the plate and taking a small tentative bite.

Then she let out a soft sound of pleasure: “Oh this is so good,” she moaned, crumbs dropping to her bed frame which she brushed away.

“Stubborn woman,” he muttered, smiling.

“What did you say?” She raised her eyebrow.

“Nothing, nothing,” he chuckled, and felt himself blushing.

“Better be,” she smiled back, heat creeping up her face, invisible in the dark room.

*****

They were both sitting on the sofa watching a movie, despite Freddy’s half hearted arguments that he should leave now, when someone knocked on the door.

He placed his empty soup bowl on the table.

Freddy looked at Y/N before he got up and walked to the door.

Y/N paused the TV and turned her attention to the door, curious to see who was there.

Freddy pulled it open, only to find Jack standing there.

“Oh,” Jack gasped, double-taking over Freddy’s frame before his eyes widened. “Hi,”

Freddy’s face went red, not expecting any of their friends to see them like this.

“It's not what it looks like Jack,” Y/N tried to call but her voice cracked half-way through the sentence.

“I’m here to drop off Y/N’s phone,” he explained, handing it over to Freddy, amusement lighting his eyes, this was unexpected. “She left it in my car,”

“Thanks,” Freddy smiled, not knowing what else to say at this moment.

“Well I’ll leave you guys too it,” he smiled, waving them both goodbye and instantly pulling out his phone as he started down the hall, no doubt to tell the group.

Freddy waved him off awkwardly and shut the door behind him.

He turned back to Y/N sniggering on the sofa like a child.

“Oh shut up,” he rolled his eyes, handing her her phone back.

“You look so embarrassed,” she laughed.

“I'm not,” he countered, laughing along with her.

She pressed play on the movie and they both settled back down to watch it.

Eventually, she had shuffled right close to Freddy, leaning against him with his arm around her.

She looked up at him and whispered in his ear even though there was no one around.

“Thanks for nursing me back to health,”

He looked down at her face and pushed a strand of hair back, smiling back.

“Anytime,”

———————————

So its finally written!

Thank u very much for the request and I hope I did it justice.

Please reblog and comment for what other fics you would like to see! (Check out my first post for characters I write for)

Have a fabulous day/night and thank u for reading!

#freddy carter x reader #freddy carter #shadow and bone cast #kit young #amita suman #danielle galligan #jack wolfe #calahan skogman #six of crows

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swanimagines · 6 months

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FREDDY CARTER'S CHARACTERS AO3 SERIESES

Just in case because people seem to keep forgetting I write for all of his current characters, or then they think I don't write for others than Kaz and Pin anymore and come up to say they're sad about it 😅 I realised that me not having a common post for all of his characters may, again, make people think I no longer write for them.

So, I still write for all of his characters and will love you forever if you request stuff for them!

Kaz Brekker

Click here to check out/sub/bookmark my multichapter Kaz story - Bastard and the Blood Princess. It isn't included in my Kaz series because my Kaz series folder/Grishaverse series folder is for fics shorter than 5 chapters, mostly oneshots. Bastard and the Blood Princess has one, long, continuous story and not all people may like the plot, opposed to oneshots/short stuff where each fic has its own plot. So to avoid too much hassle, you need to sub/bookmark BatBP in its own work if you want to get notified for updates for it. I will add BatBP to the Kaz + Grishaverse serieses once the whole thing is out.

Pin Hawthorne

Jason Ripper

Tom (15 Days)

Ellis (The Convent)

Gideon Fletcher

Possibly more characters to be added. (A clarification just in case: I do not write RPF/fics for the actor, Freddy Carter himself)

Freddy's characters preferences

Preference means there's a scenario, and I'll tell you how different characters would act like with you in those situations. Situation examples may be: your first date with them, them having a crush on you, them when you get injured somehow, them finding you asleep on their bed. Right now including: Kaz Brekker, Pin Hawthorne, Jason Ripper, Tom from 15 Days and Ellis from the Convent. More characters may get added if he potrays more (fictional) people who I feel like writing for. I will also possibly update my old preference sets and add those new characters into them as new characters come.

For anyone who's concerned, THESE ARE NOT ONESHOT COLLECTIONS, they are made using AO3's "series" feature.

If you want to be informed about new fics for any of Freddy's characters I currently write for, create an AO3 account and subscribe or bookmark any of those serieses listed above. There are buttons at the top right corner for those, or on top on mobile. I do not do Tumblr taglists anymore.

Also, if you're wondering, requests are ALWAYS open and you're welcome to leave one or multiple. Just remember to read my rules and pick a request type from this list.

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagine #pin hawthorne imagine #pin hawthorne #pin hawthorne x reader #jason ripper #jason ripper x reader #jason ripper imagine #15 days tom #15 days tom x reader #15 days tom imagine #the convent ellis #the convent ellis x reader #the convent ellis imagine

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curseofaphrodite · 3 years

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Groupchat

kaz x reader

summary: Jesper makes a groupchat with all the crows to annoy Kaz about his feelings regarding Y/N. (very short and cheesy!)

Inej: YOU BOUGHT Y/N A CAT? WHO ARE YOU? Kaz: No, I gave Y/N permission to have one.

Inej: SAME THING.

Wylan: Is it a ship I smell?

Kaz: Why am I here again?

—Jesper named the group Kaz and Y/N Sitting Under a Tree — Jesper: 😎

— Kaz named the group I will cut you —

Inej: okay then

Matthias: I just wanted the complete plan for the heist. What am I doing here?

Kaz: I’m throwing all of your phones into the sea. And if any of this reach Y/N, I’ll fire all of you.

— Kaz has left the chat —

Jesper: pfft we can keep a secret. we’re criminals for a living.

— Y/N has left the chat —

Jesper: Fuck.

#kaz x reader #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fluff #angst #cheesy #imagines #oneshots #preferences #inej x reader #jesper #wylan #nina zenik #matthias helvar #jesper fahey #the crows #soc #freddy carter #astoria writes

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bey0nd-1he-stars · 2 years

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Caring - Kaz Brekker

𝑀𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Reader

Wordcount: 2094

Warnings: English is not my first language! And I really don’t know what I wrote, I was bored but I hope you like it anyway.

Summary: Kaz don’t talk much if it isn’t about his business. And Y/N has a heart too big for the streets of Ketterdam. So, after she almost gave them away on a heist she doesn’t want to risk them all by going on another. And Kaz seems to say things to her she never thought anyone would hear from the bastard of the barrel.

Author note: I’m reposting this, I missed a part of the story so here it is again, the whole thing this time :)

Kaz Brekker didn’t talk much. At least not when it wasn’t business. He was always straight forward, no detours. You were an exception most of the time and probably the only times he talked because he wanted to hold a conversation with you. If it was to ask about your day or what book you were reading at the moment didn’t matter. But genuinely, Kaz didn’t do very much talking. And even more rare was it that he said something encouraging or giving away a compliment. But lately you had been noticing how sometimes he would come up behind you and whisper a small compliment in your ear before walking off again. And to say you were shocked the first time was an understatement. But you also found it sweet.

Now you were sitting in the Crow club at the bar with Inej, Jesper and Wylan. The four of you were talking about the last heist you’d done together last week. You were meant to steal a necklace from a rich merchant at a fancy party. But things didn’t go all the way as Kaz had planned and you had almost given them away. You were still a bit embarrassed about that and didn’t want to talk to Kaz about it and had avoided the topic every time he brought it up. In fact, you had been avoided Kaz almost completely since then. You had been swiftly walking away with your head down, avoiding his gaze and pretending not to hear him when he called after you. The others began to figure that something was up, you knew that. But you didn’t know how to tell them. Wylan snapped you out of your thoughts with a snap of his fingers in front of your eyes.

”Hey, Y/N?” he said and when you met his gaze he nodded towards something behind you. You carefully turned around and saw Kaz walking towards you. He had taken off his usual coat his hair was a bit messy after he had pulled a hand through it. Kaz’s dark eyes met yours for a second before you turned around again to face Wylan to give him a thankful nod. Just a few seconds later, Kaz’s presence hung lika a shadow over you. You turned around slowly, meeting his eyes.

”Kaz, about last week-” you started, breaking away from his gaze and shifting it so it rested on your shoes instead. Although, Kaz interrupted you before you got any further into your apology.

”I’m not mad at you,” he stated calmly. Your head snapped up again, not believing him. But Kaz Brekker didn’t lie. At leats not to you.

”You’re not?” you asked him, surprised by his words. He shook his head, a small glimt in his eyes. ”But, I messed up. I risked us all. I could have had us killed!” your voice not loud but surprised with hints of sternness. You didn’t understand.

”But you didn’t. We’re all here, aren’t we?” Kaz said and pushed a few strands of hair out of his eyes with a gloved hand.

”Yes, we are. But I still put us at risk-” you started but Inej put a calming hand on your arm. You turned around to meet her soft, gentle eyes.

”Y/N. Don’t beat yourself up. We’re all fine,” she said softly and gave you a reassuring nod. You shook your head at her ”if something would have happened, it would’ve been my fault. And I can’t, can’t, lose you. Any of you.”

”No one is at harm. You almost gave us away, yes, but it isn’t your fault. If anyone is to blame it’s me. I make the plans,” Kaz stated shortly and then he turned on his heal and walked up to his office again. You shook your head softly at them all before putting your jacked on.

”You don’t get it,” you said softly. Then you turned towards the door and walked back to the slat.

You didn’t talk to anyone he next day. Your day got spent in your room with a cup of tea you’d made before anyone else was up, and a book you’d gotten from Kaz. Nina had knocked on your door at 9 am to see if you were awake but you pretended to be asleep. Kaz had walked by your door and told her to let you sleep.

It almost irritated you that they didn’t see how much they meant to you. The crows meant the world to you, they were everything you had. The only family and friends you had left. But they didn’t seem to understand how much they really meant to you and how much it would hurt and haunt you if something happened to them.

So now, you just sat in your room, a book open in your lap but you couldn’t find the concentration to actually read it. You thought about them. The crows. You wondered if they thought about you as family. If you meant as much to them and they meant to you. Your answer came as knock in the door.

You pushed yourself of the comfort of your bed and made your way to the door. Behind it you found Kaz standing with a tray in his hands. Your surprised face must have said enough.

“You haven’t eaten anything today. I asked Nina to make you some waffles,” he offered you the tray and you took it in your hands and smiled.

“Thanks,” you said gently and gave him a thankful smile as you put the tray on the bed.

“No problem, enjoy your meal,” he said and then he walked off and up the stairs to his own room. You closed the door when he was out of sight. The tray of waffles stood on your bed and the sight of it made you smile wide.

Kaz had planned another heist for the crows. This time you were up to steal a painting from a museum. It required you to be quiet and quick. Inej would be the one to get in and steal the painting and place a replica in its place. Kaz and Jesper would guard the room, Wylan would work on distractions, Nina and Matthias were backup if anything possibly went wrong and you told Kaz you absolutely did not want to go. To say he was irritated may have been an understatement.

“You all can go, I can talk to Y/N in private,” he told the others and the scraping sound of chairs against the floor filled the room for a few seconds. Jesper pushed the door shut after him and then silence filled the room between you and Kaz. Then you decided to try and convince him to think through this.

“Kaz, we both know you don’t need the whole crew to steal one painting. It’s not even big. Inej can just roll it up, take it under the arm and walk out. Literally,” you tried to make him see your point. He didn’t answer. “You barley need Matthias and Nina there but I get why you take them with you. Inej will do her job flawlessly, you and Jesper with manage more than fine and Wylan has his bombs so he certainly doesn’t need any help. And we both know I’m right. So now, would you please enlighten me in why you insist on having me with you when that is absolutely unnecessary?” You slumped back in your chair when you were done ranting and watched Kaz carefully as you waited for a reply.

Kaz let out a breath and looked up at you through the strands of hair that had fallen in his eyes. Then he broke away from your gaze and he found himself looking out of the window, watching the sunset. After a while without a reply you started to get up to leave, but you paused in your actions when Kaz finally spoke up.

“Because I don’t want to leave you here alone,” he said lowly. His eyes still didn’t meet yours. You didn’t know what to say, so you turned back to the door and walked out in silence.

The heist went well. You had stayed in your room, waiting for them to get back and then you went to sleep. Kaz had quietly pushed your door open when he walked past to see if you were okay. And he’d let out a breath of relief when he saw that you were safe and sound.

The morning after everyone slept until midday. Even Kaz. You had been meaning to go up to his room and apologize for not coming with them but when you knocked you didn’t get any answer and no sound of papers or anything was heard from inside.

But as everyone else was asleep you decided to make them all breakfast. You cooked some pancakes and waffles and brew some tea. Then you put it on trays and took it up to their rooms. Kaz was last. And this time when you knocked he answered with a muffled “come in”.

With the tray in one hand you pulled the door open with the other. Inside the room was drenched in darkness. The curtains was closed and you could vaguely make out Kaz’s silhouette in the bed.

“I made you some breakfast, figured you deserved that after yesterday,” you said quietly and made your way to his bed. “About that, by the way, I’m sorry for being harsh on you. I just didn’t want to put any of you at risk again,” you explained softly. Kaz just nodded. You carefully put down the tray on his bedside table, balancing it on top of a stack of books.

“I’ll go,” you mumbled. “Eat, before it gets cold.” Kaz nodded, his dark hair hung in his eyes and you felt a sudden urge to reach out and push it back. You stopped yourself before you could even finish the thought.

“Stay,” Kaz mumbled quietly just as you were about to turn on your heal and leave.

“What?”

“Stay. Stay here with me,” he said again and nodded towards the end of the bed, gesturing for you to sit down.

“Are you sure?” You asked softly. It’s wasn’t very Kaz like to ask for company. But he nodded at you and you carefully sat down on the edge of the bed, facing him as he took the tray from the small table and put it in his lap instead. He took a sip of the tea before speaking again.

“Why do you do this?” Kaz made a short gesture towards the tray in his lap. You rolled your eyes at his question but let out a sight as your fingers began to play with the covers on his bed. You stretched out your legs and looked up at him to find him already looking at you. You shook your head at him softly, quietly wondering to yourself why he couldn’t see it.

“Because I care,” you simply said. He shook his head at your simple reply, “no that’s not all. You don’t do all this because you simply care.”

“Well, Kaz, maybe I do. Maybe I don’t want to go on heist because I’m scared I’ll do something that’ll put you all in danger. Maybe I make you breakfast because I want to make sure you eat something some times. Maybe I stay here, keeping you company because you asked me to. Maybe I do all that because I care about you. I care about all of you. You’re my family. The only thing I have left in this world that is worth something. Maybe I do all this because I love you,” you let out a shuttering breath. Kaz stared at you with wide eyes. You told him you loved him. And you did, it wasn’t a lie. You loved that boy with all your heart. You loved all of them.

Kaz didn’t know what to say, what to reply. So he simply nodded. The cup of tea lingered at his lips and filled him with a warmth he didn’t know if he’d felt before. Maybe it wasn’t the tea, maybe it was you. He didn’t know. So he simply nodded at your generous words with a gentle smile playing at his lips.

#freddy carter #kaz brekker #fanfic #oneshots #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker x reader #kaz rietveld #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone #six of crows imagine #six of crows #crooked kingdom #soc #grishaverse #bastard of the barrel #dirtyhands

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blushingbucky · 3 years

Text

better unheard, better unsaid (part two) | k.b.

pairing: kaz brekker x gender neutral!reader

word count: 832.

summary: kaz is in love with you. you think he’s in love with inej.

warning: the f word in the second sentence (sorry, i’m a sucker for proper characterisation). me showing off all the research i did, you’re welcome. kaz is a little ooc and the reader is very dramatic.

author's note: thank you for the love so far! find part one here, just in case you missed it :)

kaz couldn’t believe he’d lost you. he could not fucking believe he’d lost you.

jesper sent him out into the street after you, and there he was, head whipping around in search of you, putting all his weight against his cane as he stumbled along. street full of people, some noticing the murderous glint in his eye and ducking out of the way, others not so lucky.

he was drowning again, drowning drowning drowning in bodies, in corpses, head pushed underwater and choking in the harbour. his vision hazy, feet unsteady, thoughts swirling a mile a minute, how very unlike him. breath caught in his lungs, he couldn’t breathe, wherewereyouwherewereyouwherewereyou.

your name a plea, a prayer, suddenly religious as his head and heart screamed for you. please be okay. saints, please be okay.

and, there. a flash of your scarf, red and raw and yours, ducking around the corner. he was pushing now, shoving past men and women and children to reach you. round the corner and there you are, one second on the street, the next slipping into a tavern.

a sigh of relief leaves his lips, and he pushes open the door. kaz thought he knew every inch of ketterdam, but he’s never been here before. a little business tucked away from the street, caught between two gambling halls.

he wonders how he’s never seen this place before. he wonders how long you’ve been coming here.

there you are, bundled up in your jacket, signature red scarf coiled tight around your neck like a serpent. he hears your voice, even over the yells of the men and the invading stench of spilled lager. “one hot chocolate and gingerbread, please.”

his heart clenches. you, the only person left in kerch who still remembered their manners. you, who only ordered hot chocolate when you were sad. you, who loved every kind of biscuit you could get your hands on.

you, his serpent.

and he wants to go to you, to sit down in the stool and apologise profusely, just like you did all those months ago. to take your hand in his and explain. it’s not inej, it was never inej, how could you be so blind? how could you not notice that i desperately need you, only you?

but he stands for a while, eyes on your figure, watching as you flirt with the barkeep and slide your hand over hers. she whispers to you, and you turn around, meeting kaz’s eyes with a strange look on your face. his cover’s blown. he could run out, pretend he wasn’t staring at you with longing and love. or he could stay.

and stay he does.

his feet move of their own accord, stepping over the sleeping dog near the table, dodging raised arms of lager toasts. he looks up again and you’re standing in front of him, pretty eyes turned red-rimmed. “kaz.”

“y/n.” he wants to gather you in his arms, kiss away the silver on your cheeks. instead he stands still, hand on his cane, the other limp by his side. “i wanted to explain.”

“explain what, kaz? the depths of your love for inej? the way you have eyes only for her, and are oblivious to anyone else who might harbour feelings for you?” you shake your head, wrapping your arms around your shivering form. the joke leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, and you know you’re confessing your love for him but who cares, who cares? he knew the second you stepped out of the crow club. “save the lecture, kaz. it’s stupid, love is weakness, just do my job and all that jazz. i know.”

“but you don’t.”

your eyes were on the floor, on the soaked straw and weathering wooden floorboards but now they meet his, confused and a little bit hopeful. with a breath, you whisper, “what do you mean?”

“i—” he starts, but then his nerves return and he can’t push the words on his tongue past his lips. “it’s not—”

the light in your eyes withers, and flickers out. “don’t bother, kaz. just go home, i’ll be fine on my own—”

“no!” he doesn’t mean to shout, to disturb the other customers, and he receives a few dirty looks in return. they’re unimportant, he decides. getting the words out of his head and burden off his shoulders is more important. so he runs his hand through his hair with a groan, and starts over. “no, i mean… what i meant to say is, inej isn’t the one i’m in love with.”

“then who is it?” the light returns, burning brighter and brighter, and you pray he means you. you pray to all the saints he means you, to sankt petyr and sankta alina and sankta marya and sankta anastasia and sankt vladimir and sankta lizabeta.

“you, y/n. you.” kaz can’t kiss you, but he manages to brush his gloved fingers against yours, and that’s close enough.

your answering smile is enough.

———

taglist: @aliiiyyaaah

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jahayla-parker · 6 months

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In Sickness & In Health : Freddy Carter x Reader

Description: 3.5k wc, Freddy has been sick but pushed himself to go to a convention he'd previously committed to. He is home now and his wife makes it her mission to nurse him back to health. Fluff, sick comfort

Warnings: fluff, Freddy being too precious, sickness/illness, marriage terminology/phrases, cold symptoms.

“I land at four, can you please come and get me?” Freddy mumbled, his voice gruff from his cold. His wife y/n had pleaded with him to take it easy during the convention he had stubbornly refused to skip. As much as he was pleased to have been able to be there for the fans and not have backed out last minute due to his illness, he realized his wife may have had a point. He wasn’t too surprised, she usually did. Even if she was frequently overprotective of him, she usually ended up being right with these things. Such is the case today. Freddy could barely even utter the request, his throat aching with each syllable.

Y/n frowned to herself as she heard the way her husband Freddy’s voice cracked. “Of course, my love,” she replied, sighing softly as the request was another sign of how out of it he was. After all, she would always pick him up from the airport whenever he had a trip she didn’t/couldn’t attend with him. They always tried to travel together and she truly wished she could’ve gone with him this time given he’d been sick before he even left their home. But, y/n had a work commitment that she couldn’t get out of that kept her from being able to go with him this time and he refused to stay home and get better. The crackling behind his words made any faint desire to smugly say 'I told you so' dissipate. Her husband was truly more ill than when he'd left, and it didn’t matter that she’d tried to keep it from getting to this point, that she’d warned him that this would happen. The only thing that mattered now was that he got home so she could take care of him until he was better. Then maybe she could say 'I told you so'. “Just try and sleep on the plane, handsome, and I’ll be there to get you as soon as you get in”.

Y/n kept her eyes peeled as she waited for her husband to walk down the ramp. She was waiting in the arrivals section of the airport with his checked bag. She’d already texted him to let him know he could skip baggage claim. Y/n’s lips curled downwards into a pout upon seeing the exhausted state Freddy was in as he slowly made his way down the ramp. Her heart tightened in her chest as she took in the redness in his cheeks and tip of his nose, the way he’d yawned twice already, and how defeated he looked.

Freddy’s eyes slowly searched the airport as he made his way down to where he knew his loving wife was waiting to greet him. He couldn’t wait to be back with her, in their home, where he knew he’d get the love and support he needed to feel better. It took him a few painstakingly slow glances to find her, but when he did, he already felt faintly better. Y/n was here. He was home.

Y/n bit her lip bashfully as she noticed Freddy’s reaction to spotting her. Despite his ill state, she watched his eyes shimmer as soon as they met hers. The smile that instantly graced his lips prompted a matching one to form on y/n’s face. However, as she watched his pace pick up slightly, she lovingly shook her head. Y/n hummed to herself as she walked closer to him so he wasn’t speed-walking for too long since she knew he was already low on energy.

Y/n smiled warmly at Freddy as she carefully pulled his body to her chest. She closed her eyes as his arms slid around her tightly before he nuzzled into her embrace. Y/n rubbed his back through his black hoodie as she let him rest for a few moments, his body faintly leaning on her for support. She frowned to herself as she heard him sniffle. “Let’s get you home, honey,” y/n purred into his ear.

“Thank-" Freddy began, stopping as his voice broke. He sighed and turned away as he cleared his throat. “Thank you for getting my bag,” he repeated, voice still cracking. Freddy went to grab the handle of his checked bag from where it was positioned next to y/n, but she shook her head and pulled it away from him.

“Shhh, sweetie,” y/n pleaded, cupping Freddy’s left cheek with her palm. “You don’t need to talk, nor thank me for that,” she stated warmly. “Just save your voice, love”. She tenderly squeezed his flushed cheek before moving her hand down to grab his. With one hand intertwined with Freddy’s and the other dragging his suitcase, she silently began to lead them in the direction of their car.

Freddy attempted to reply, but his voice cracked right at the start of his sentence. Nevertheless, he knew y/n heard his faint attempt as her head whipped towards him. He sighed lightly as he gave up on trying to talk to his wife. This stupid cold wasn’t making that an option right now. Instead, Freddy gave her a loving look as he squeezed her hand.

Y/n sighed lightly, hating how sick her precious husband was. She once again shook her head lovingly at his stubbornness. “Come on, my sweet boy,” y/n hummed as she smiled warmly at him.

As they made it to the car, y/n had to scold Freddy as he tried to load his own suitcase. Yet, it seemingly wasn’t enough for him to understand that she wasn’t going to allow him to do anything he didn’t absolutely have to right now.

“I can drive,” Freddy stated weakly as he reached for the keys in y/n’s hand.

“Freddy,” y/n groaned, moving the keys out of his reach.

Freddy frowned. “You c-came all the way to get-“ He began, voice croaking.

“Enough of that,” y/n shushed. “I know you like to drive for me, but not right now,” she said softly. She pulled open the passenger door and nodded towards the seat. “Please get in the car before I shove you in it,” y/n teasingly threatened.

Freddy’s eyes widened. He chuckled briefly, but it quickly turned into a cough.

Y/n frowned and stroked Freddy’s cheek as she waited for his coughing to end. When it did, she brushed some hair from his clammy forehead. “Come on now, please?” Y/n requested, giving Freddy a knowing look.

Freddy nodded his head slowly before he slid into the passenger seat. He watched as y/n helped him buckle before she closed the door and made her way to the other side of the car. Despite how exhausted he was and how heavy his eyes felt, he kept a close eye on her to ensure she was safe; even if it was a short distance.

When y/n entered the car, she smiled over at Freddy, knowing he’d been watching her the whole time. She took hold of his hand and squeezed it. “Shouldn’t be too long, traffic wasn’t bad today,” y/n encouraged. “You can sleep on the way though”.

Y/n had been running her thumb over the back of Freddy’s hand repeatedly as she drove them home. She was pleased Freddy hadn’t tried to talk again, hating how painful it sounded like it was got him to do so. But, she could nonetheless sense him watching her. “What is it, love?” Y/n asked, glancing over at him as she pulled up to a stop light.

“I missed you,” Freddy croaked.

Y/n squeezed Freddy’s hand and smiled tenderly. “I missed you too, Freddy, honey,” she hummed. “And, I expect to hear all about your trip as soon as your voice is better”.

Freddy nodded with a small smile. He weakly squeezed y/N’s hand as he continued staring at her through his tired eyes. “You- you were right though,” Freddy mumbled bashfully.

Y/n tsked and shook her head. “Doesn’t matter now, just close your eyes,” she advised.

“But-“ Freddy argued.

“No buts, rest,” y/n said firmly. “We’ll be home soon,” she promised. Y/n glanced over at him and blew him a kiss before facing the street again. She couldn’t wait to get him home and into bed so he could rest properly.

Y/n laughed lightheartedly as she wiped Freddy’s clammy forehead. “Honey,” she cooed. “I’m going to get sick if you’re sick, that’s part of the deal,” y/n smiled, stroking his cheek. She watched Freddy continue to fight with himself over the situation.

When they’d gotten home, y/n had convinced Freddy to lie down. She then went and got extra blankets as he’d been having some chills. Once she’d changed clothes, she joined Freddy in their bed to keep a close eye on him. When another chill took over Freddy, he found himself wanting to cuddle and instinctively moved closer to y/n. However, he quickly realized his oversight and had dramatically moved away; almost falling off the bed in the process. Y/n managed to pull an explanation out of Freddy and learned it was because he was worried he was going to get her sick.

Y/n could see Freddy’s protective hesitation in his eyes and she shook her head. She carefully gripped his bicep and pulled him back from the edge of the bed and towards her. “Shhh,” she whispered to keep him from arguing or otherwise trying to speak. “Just let me hold you,” y/n requested demanded lovingly, pulling him even closer.

Y/n hummed in relief when Freddy finally relaxed and let himself melt into her embrace. She pulled the blankets over the both of them, tucking the top end of the fabric under Freddy’s chin. Her arms held his frail body to her chest as she watched his tired eyes struggle to stay open.

“Just relax,” y/n purred quietly, “close your eyes”. She tightened her embrace as she listened closely to Freddy’s breathing. Her own breathing settled when she heard his become lighter. She cautiously glanced down at him to check if he was asleep. Upon seeing his eyes closed, eyelashes splayed out over his high cheekbones, y/n grinned to herself. Her poor sweet sick husband was finally home. And she was going to see to it that he got better.

“Shhhh,” y/n rushed out as Freddy tried to express his discomfort. “Shh, I know, I know,” she assured him, rushing back to his bedside. Y/n felt his clammy forehead with the back of her hand and sighed in minimal relief since his fever had at least not gotten worse during his nap. “Try some tea for me, Freddy,” she encouraged, moving on to the next of his primary symptoms.

Freddy nodded his head weakly, letting y/n help him slide upwards. Once his back was resting against the headboard and not his pillows, he cautiously took the mug of tea from his wife. A small smile formed on his lips as he sipped the liquid; y/n had made it precisely the way he liked it. “-is good,” Freddy mumbled.

Y/n giggled and pressed a kiss to the top of her husband Freddy’s head. “I’m glad, love,” she mused. “I am going to get started on lunch, okay? I was thinking of making some soup,” y/n explained.

Freddy shivered under the covers and pouted. “Wha-“ he coughed and sighed before looking back up at his wife. “What time is it?” He asked.

Y/n raised an eyebrow at Freddy before responding. “It’s three, darling, why?” She asked skeptically, worried he’d be trying to get up and be productive.

Freddy thought silently for a moment before his eyes widened. “You ha-had that trip to-“ he began, his voice cracking.

Y/n shook her head and sat on the edge of the bed beside Freddy. “Shhh,” she whispered, playing with his disheveled hair. “I canceled that, don’t fret.”

Freddy sighed deeply, which resulted in a coughing fit. He quickly turned his head away from y/n as he tucked his face into his elbow. He felt y/n rubbing his back supportively as he worked through the coughing fit. As he leaned back, he glanced over at her with a sorrowful expression.

“Don’t,” y/n warned. “I already know what you’re going to say, what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours,” she hummed with a smile. “But, I don’t mind. The girls understand. Besides, you come first. Always.” Seeing Freddy was going to still respond, y/n silenced him with the placement of her pointer finger over his chapped lips. “Not a word. I don’t regret it in the slightest. In sickness and in health, yeah?” She winked. “Now, for some chapstick, before those beautiful lips of yours split,” y/n said as she rose from the bed.

“I shouldn’t have pushed it at the conference,” Freddy groaned. He held his head as he prayed for the medicine y/n gave him to kick in. Feeling y/N tucking him back into the blankets on the couch, he opened his eyes and grabbed her hand. “Sorry I didn’t listen,” He mumured.

“It’s okay, I’m just sorry you’re in pain, honey,” y/n frowned, squeezing Freddy’s hand. “But hey,” she whispered as she brushed from hair from his eyes, “I’m right here, you’re okay now, I won’t let you overdo it, hmmm?”. She smiled softly as Freddy nodded and tugged on her hand to silently ask her to sit with him.

Y/n watched as Freddy snuggled even closer to her. She wrapped her arms around the pile of blankets covering his body. Once he seemed satisfied with his position, y/n moved one hand up to check his temp. She smiled in relief upon seeing that his temp had lowered a decent amount. As she moved her hand van down to hold Freddy, she noticed he was watching her closely with a pout on his lips. “What is it cutie?” She hummed.

Freddy’s flushed cheeks deepened in saturation at the nickname from y/n but he shook his head. He wordlessly kept his eyes on her lips.

Y/n suppressed a giggle as she tracked Freddy’s focus back to her lips. She couldn’t help but smile at the dazed look in his eyes. Y/n shook her head softly before leaning in to give him a kiss. If her sweet boy wanted a kiss, she wasn't going to deny him; sick or not.

Freddy pulled back, squishing the blankets between the sofa and his back. “You’ll get sick,” he muttered.

Y/n smiled warmly in appreciation. She stroked Freddy’s cheek sweetly as she stared into his deep blue eyes. With the smile still on her face, y/n leaned back in. Her smile grew as Freddy eagerly accepted her lovingly defiant kiss.

"I know you're cold, but that blanket is gross now, you need a clean one,” y/n sighed, pleading with Freddy to let go of the dirty blanket. It has been a few days now that he’d been using the same blanket and y/n worried the germs that were surely on it were keeping him from getting better. Especially since y/n had watched him both practically snot on it and also cuddle with it as he napped.

Y/n smiled and pressed a tender kiss to the top of Freddy’s head in silent thanks when he finally let go of the fabric. “I already have another one ready for you, a clean one,” she smirked. Y/n sped-walked to the laundry room to toss the contaminated blanket into the wash. She quickly washed her hands in the sink before grabbing the laundry basket from the top of the dryer.

Y/n frowned as she watched Freddy angrily press buttons on the remote, a glare on his face. He’d been getting frustrated over nearly every little thing today and there wasn’t anything she could really do to help that. “What’s the problem, honey?” Y/n asked calmly as she walked back over to him.

“It’s not working,” Freddy groaned, his narrowed eyes flickering between the TV and the device in his hand.

Y/n hummed. “What’re you trying to do?” She inquired as she set the basket down on the coffee table.

“Change it back,” Freddy mumbled.

“To the movie channel?” Y/n guessed as she looked up at the television. When Freddy nodded grumpily, y/n set her hand on top of his. “May I?” She asked cautiously. Y/n squeezed his hand lovingly as he passed her the remote control.

“Better?” Y/n asked, effortlessly switching channels. She wasn’t sure exactly what Freddy had been doing, but it didn’t matter; it was fixed now. She smiled at Freddy’s sheepish nod, knowing he realized he’d been overacting to the minor inconvenience. “Look what I’ve got,” y/n grinned, lifting up the clean blanket.

“You’re so cute when you’re sick and needy,” Y/n mumured as she tucked Freddy into the blanket, burying him up to his chin. She giggled as Freddy blushed and snuggled into the blanket, murmuring something about it being warm. “I placed it in the dryer for a bit,” y/n confessed, proud of her innovative approach to keeping him warm.

“Are you feeling any better?” Y/n asked, brushing Freddy’s hair back from his face as he watched the random movie playing on their TV. A sigh of relief left her lips when he nodded. “Good, you look a bit better,” she agreed. “Did you even see how pale you were?” She pondered, thinking back to photos and videos she’d been sent during the convention.

Freddy nodded again. This time, he followed the silent acknowledgment up by scooting closer to his wife. He nuzzled into her side, smiling softly as she wrapped her arm around him.

“Don’t scare me like that again, Carter. Okay?” Y/n whispered, squeezing Freddy’s shoulder.

Freddy once again nodded. His hands dug around under the warm blanket until they found y/n’s distant hand. He took it in his and squeezed it as he brought it closer to him.

"Please stop wasting what's left of your voice on complaints about soup you can't even taste,” y/n groaned. “We are out of that brand now anyways,” she pointed out. “I’ll make some homemade soup tonight instead of store-bought, okay?”

Freddy looked up from his bowl of soup. He frowned and shook his head. “It’s fine,” he argued, his sick voice making it sound like he said ‘finD’ instead.

Y/n grinned softly as she walked over to her husband. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, “I don’t mind. Like I said, we’re out of the store-bought ones anyways”. “Plus, if you can actually taste it, I’m pleased to see you’re getting better”.

“I can’t,” Freddy admitted bashfully. When y/n playfully squinted at him, he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth. “I just know it’s not yours, yours is-“ he coughed, “better”.

Y/n giggled, “well, who would I be to deny you of my soup then?”. “Just finish that for now, you need sustenance and my soup will take a bit to make, okay?” She asked, nodding to the bowl in Freddy’s lap. When he began eating the soup, she smiled and stroked his face, “thank you”.

Y/n rinsed the serving spoon off in the sink before spinning around to face Freddy. “I love that you’re always so full of life,” she admitted, turning to place the spoon into the dishwasher. “But, right now, if you don’t let yourself rest, you’re going to be losing all of that life,” y/n scolded lovingly. “Now, go back and lay down, please”.

Freddy pouted as he turned and sulked out of the kitchen. He just wanted to help. Y/n had been taking care of him for the last several days and she just finished making a big batch of soup for him. He just wanted to at least help with the cleanup.

When y/n had finished putting everything away and had let the leftover soup cool enough, she placed it back in the fridge. Closing the dishwasher door, she dried her hands and quietly made her way back to the living room. She grinned as she noticed Freddy had finished his bowl of soup and promptly fell asleep. He was still very fatigued, but y/n was glad he was otherwise starting to feel better.

“Thank you for this week,” Freddy repeated, holding y/n closely. He buried his nose in her hair, happy he could once again smell the sweet scent of her shampoo and conditioner.

Y/n groaned dramatically. She shifted on Freddy’s embrace until they were face to face. She lifted her hands up and placed her palms against his cheeks. “Stop thanking me. You’re my husband, I’m always going to take care of you when you’re ill,” y/n reminded him warmly. “But, if you still want to thank me, I’d accept a kiss,” she smirked.

Freddy grinned widely and laughed. He shook his head lightly as he gazed at y/n. “Bloody hell, I love you,” he muttered. Freddy tenderly pulled y/n’s face closer to his as he closed his eyes and leaned in to reward her with a kiss as requested.

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