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thecapricunt1616 · 3 months

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The Bear & His Honey Chapter 6

Inspo: Lyrics - "Willow" (TS) "I'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans." Summary: (18+ ONLY FIC NO MINORS BEYOND THIS POINT) Winnie & Carmy have a late night phone conversation, Winnie contemplates her new situation with her closest friend, Winnie attends family night, Impresses Richies daughter with some Disney Princess behavior, Winnie admits she's learned more about Carmen then she's let on, Carmen and Winnie plan a night in together. W/C: 11K+ Posted: 02/16/24 A/N: Helloooo!!! It's here!! It's here!! Our first long juicy chapter!! I have realized with the pacing I've set, that the first of the smutty smut will happen *the next* chapter, sorry for the lead-on :( - but I promise it will be sooooo filthy and delish since I've made you wait for so long!!! Warnings for BTC: Heavy kissing, Swearing, Some fluff, some angst, thats pretty much it- smoking cigarettes? I guess.. and social drinking.

➜°✶ 🎀 𝒞𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀 ♡𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉❣ 🎀 ✶°

➜ 𝓒𝓪𝓽𝓬𝓱 𝓾𝓹 𝓸𝓷 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓕𝓲𝓿𝓮

✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀

Carm’s P.O.V -

As soon as she left I leaned against the door for a moment, rubbing my face and sighing deeply.

What the fuck has been going on with me the last couple of days. What is my fucking fixation with her?

I grab the tray of dishes and open the door, looking at the time “Hey - you know your new toy thinks I’m a fuckin’ Berzatto” Richie laughs and I roll my eyes. “Very fuckin’ funny” I put the dishes in the sink. “I’ll be sure to fuckin’ straighten that shit out with her asap” I sigh deeply, looking over the kitchen and observing where everyone was in their prep for dinner.

“Chef” Syd says and I look over to her “Yo’ what's goin’ on” I clear my throat, hoping she’d forgotten about earlier. “I um- I just wanted to say sorry, ya know for - interrupting, whatever that-” I shake my head. “Nope, all good, all good. My fault I uh- sorry. It’s my bad, it won't happen again, work is more important.” she nods.

“I was coming to um tell you - When I - anyway I was looking over the liquor order for tomorrow and I realized we really underordered, and I can't figure out where the math went wrong, and- “

“Syd” I sigh deeply, rubbing my chin. “Don’t worry, ok?” I said and took the clipboard from her. “Just go, go take a break- ok?” I said and she nodded slowly. “Are you… feeling alright?” she asked and I looked at her. “What?” I asked. “I don’t think you’ve ever asked me to take a break, I don’t think you’ve asked anyone to take a break. “ I shrugged.

“Dunno, I just took one, a long break, maybe I’m fuckin refreshed. Go chef, go eat.” I said and made my way down the line. “Jeff” Tina said and smiled at me. “Yes, chef?” I raise my eyebrow. “So you’re not gonna mention the cute little thing that's pokin’ around here past 2 days? Who’s that you finally over your other girlfriend?” she asked and I swallowed thickly.

“Chef,” I said sternly. “Not talkin’ about my personal life right now, where are you with your vegetable prep?” I asked, she rolled her eyes a bit. “Soo sensitive Jeff” She uncovered the 2 bowls in front of her already done. “Good. How did you see her anyway, we’ve been in my office…” I said curiously.

She smirked, “I have my ways, she’s cute, short, didn’t know you liked the small ones” she teased and I smiled a bit at the thought of her, “Tina, back to work and no more talk about who I bring around on my breaks, heard?” I ask. “Yes Jeff, loud and clear” she retorts.

By the time the clock had hit 10:50, we were all cleaning, and Richie and Fak of course were shooting the shit as they cleaned their stations. “Dude so tell us about this Winnie the Pooh character man,” Fak says as he scrubs down the blacktop. “Firstly, don't fuckin’ call her that, secondly, none of your business- she's not a character, just a… a friend” I shrugged.

“Hey Fak, do we nail?” Richie says and I glare at him. “We do not nail, have never, but you are totally nailing that chick, or want to.” I clench my jaw. “Cousin, why do you have the fattest loudest fuckin mouth in the entire kitchen?” I questioned. He shrugs, “Dude, it should call for celebration if you’re finally getting laid!!” I roll my eyes annoyed, “Shut the fuck up, just shut up about it dude you’re both pissin’ me off” I continued scrubbing down the sink.

“Leave Jeff alone he can fall in love if he wants to love is beautiful Jeff I'm glad you're giving it another try after Claire that was so messy” Tina piped in and I groaned, “Tinaaa!! Stop! No can we all stop I have met this girl because she works across the fuckin street, she helped me with the menu because -” I try to come up with a reason that sounded better than ‘she reads’ when there are multiple members of the staff that read for fun.

“Becauseee… she's cute?” Richie said and I threw my wet sponge at him. “Off my fucking back! All of you! “ I huffed and rinsed out the now sparkling sink. “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you take a lunch break, Jeff, sorry! Thats last I’ll say” Tina teases with a smile. “ We aren’t in love but you know what I do love? Fucking sleeping! Can I get a clean fucking kitchen so we can all leave?” I ask and am hit with a chorus of “Yes Chef”.

By the time everything was said and done it was 12:40, Satisfied with the fact that I was off earlier than usual I got changed and made the short walk back to my apartment, I couldn’t help but glance at Winnie's apartment at the end of the street as I headed inside, all I’d been thinking about since she’d left was hearing her voice again, because even though the sour candy had helped, I felt like it had just pushed it further down, allowing me to hold it back for a more convenient time.

I got in, taking a shower before crawling into bed for once. I took a deep breath, looking at my phone, not having realized Winnie had texted 4 hours ago now. I clicked on it and it opened,

Sorry.. I just keep thinking about what happened earlier. Idk why I feel weird.

I bit my lip, my mind darting between all the things she could possibly mean, was it the episode? Fuck I knew I didn’t let anyone see for a reason, but she seemed- like she would understand maybe? But why would I think that, I just met her, I don’t even trust Sugar like that. What if she was… rejecting me? I swallowed crossedly, and before I could realize what I was doing I had clicked on her contact and clicked call.

I panic, not sure whether to just hang up and after just 3 rings I hear a sleepy “Carmy?” and my heart tightens. “Uh. Yeah- sorry, hey” I said smacking my palm to my forehead lightly idiot. “Hey” I heard her yawn. “How was work?” she asks softly. “It was..work. What do you mean about - why do you feel weird?” I asked and the line got silent for a moment, all I could hear on the other end is what sounded like rain.

“Are you….sleeping in the shower?” I asked and she giggles. “Oh my god, so silly. It’s fuckin’ rain noise, a noise machine, it helps me sleep.” she said and I snort. “Oh thats…cute. But- yeah why d’you feel… weird?” I asked again and she sighs softly, getting quiet again.

“I…don’t want to scare you away” she said finally and I furrow my brows in confusion, turning onto my side. “You couldn’t do that, Winnie, what’s wrong, talk to me” She takes a deep breath. “You know how… how you said you don't like being attached to anyone?” she asks quietly. I swallowed thickly, “Mmhmm” I hummed. “I get too attached, to people… and… I don’t think we’d be good for each other, now that you’ve told me,” she said sadly, and I felt my heart ache, my stomach turning with anxiety.

“You won’t get attached to me though, if you meant what you said” I counter, looking at the shadow of the passing cars on the wall. “But I will, and - when you never want me I’ll hate myself.” she said quietly. “No. You’ll see who I am soon enough, and you’ll realize that it’s for the best that I’m not anyones boyfriend.” I said and rolled on my back, looking up at the ceiling.

“It’s not about being my boyfriend! I don’t care” she huffed “Then what, Winnie?” I cross my arm over my chest “The day will come, that you meet a girl- and you do want her to be your girlfriend, and I’m going to be so attached to whatever we have, that it will break me for you to be with someone else.” she said softly. I chuckled a bit, “Winnie, I don't date. Ever” I replied,

“How do you mean?” She asked, and I sighed softly. “I - I’ve never had a girlfriend, there was this girl I thought I wanted, her name was Claire, a-and I fucked it up with her last year, Really, really bad. She grew up with us, but she… I couldn’t - move. With her, you know?” I said. “She wasn’t letting you grow?” she asked softly, and I sighed in relief. “Thank you, exactly, yes.” I rub my jaw slightly.

“But I did some really fucked up shit, and strung her along, and I fucked up at work a-and I can’t again, Winnie. I can’t “ I sighed, biting the inside of my cheek and cursing myself internally when it starts to bleed again. “I dunno.. Carm. I have abandonment issues” she said quietly and I snort. “You and me both” I said and sighed softly. “But… I -” I sigh deeply “Nevermind” I shook my head. “I’m sorry..f’waking you” I said.

“No” She replied “You did, because you wanted to, and you said you liked getting to know me..right?” she questioned. “Of course I do.. but - I don’t like answering questions as much as I like asking them to you…” I look over the bruised part of my arm that she had tended to last night and I hear her giggle. The sound sends butterflies through my stomach, and my chest lightened just a bit.

“Fine, question, for a question then, I’ll let you ask first” she mused and I smiled a bit. “So..you had alot of boyfriends growing up?” I asked, a bit nervous about the answer. I was not the most experienced in bed, I did Tinder in New York and had some god-awful experiences, but I was always willing to try things that were brought up, as long as they did the asking, I’d never share my internal desires with a hookup especially.

“Nope” she said popping the ‘p’ “My turn now?” she asked and I chuckled “No way! Hell no, if those are your answers I don’t wanna play” I said and she sighed, “Ok, ok, thought I’d give it a try…lets see, i’ve had 4 boyfriends total, 2 were in high school, so not sure if you can count those. One was more of a fling in college, and then my longest was my worst, learned my lesson about..older men.” she finished and I raised my eyebrows, “How much older?”

She tisked “Hold it, it's my turn now” she said and I huffed. “Fine, what’s your question” I asked “And you better give me a solid answer like I gave you” she said and I snort “Yes ma’am, c’mon, ask away.” I said. “What did you do to Claire?” she asks and my blood runs cold, my stomach turning to lead and I swallow thickly.

“Uhhh” I said, trying to come up with an answer that sounded as least prick like as I possibly could. As if she could read my thoughts, she said “Pure, honesty, Carm. All of you. Remember?” I bit down on my lip. “Yeah I…kinda- I don’t- don’t take this the wrong way, I don’t want her anymore, just…” I lick my lips trying to find the words. “I’m…guilty” I said “I-I feel, guilty, for what I did, and it was because she…she wanted to be with me, and I-I saw her, as like a…jumping off point, and I never intended her to want me how she wanted me, and I” I take a deep breath, feeling that burning anxiety in my chest.

“So..you lied to her about how you felt?” she asked and I sighed, “Yes, horribly, fully lied. Winnie, and it’s so so bad… when we first opened last year, we had the first family, I was so-” I swallow hard, “Distracted, with trying to get myself to like her… that I fucked up, and didn’t call the fridge guy, and I locked myself in the walk-in, a-and” I shake my head, “And?” she said softly.

“I thought I was talking to Tina, one of my sophomore chefs- about how I felt, and I was honest, because shes Tina, and I told her that I- I didn’t want her, and I never did, and she was right fucking there.” I sighed deeply and she was silent for a moment. “Do- do you- Really want me to come to family, or do you want to prove to yourself that you have it in you to hide your feelings well enough again until you decide what you really want?” she asked, her voice just above a whisper.

I swallow, my chest tightening at what I was about to do but I didn’t want to answer that because I wasn’t sure how, “It’s my turn now.” I said and bit my lip. “N-no- you can ask two- answer, Carmen” she said her voice trembling and my stomach drops. “I don’t know Winnie, I- I don’t want to hide from you, i’ve never- I-I never did this with Claire, talked to her.” I said and sit up a bit.

“Ask me your two” she said, her tone different then before. “No- no just one…” I said “H-how…why do you think our souls know eachother?” I asked, not even knowing where it came from before it came out. She quiets for a moment, before saying “I dunno… a feeling, like- why can we talk like this right now?” she asked and I think on it for a moment. “Not sure” i reply.

“Why did you say you won’t talk to me every day, but we’ve been in such close contact the last 3 days?” she asked softly, I rubbed my chin in contemplation. “Because when I inevitably fuck up and piss you off, I’m not the guy that's gonna run to you and bring you flowers- a-and beg for your forgiveness because I won’t deserve it, so I’ll run and hide, and i’ll only ever try to get you to forgive me if you tell me you - like.. Want me in your life still” I sighed.

“Well.. I won’t beg for your apology but i’ll ask you if you’re sorry if you hurt me” she replied, and I found myself smiling lightly. “You always know what t’say” I look at the clock on my phone, 27 minutes already.

I heard her yawn, “Hey, I think you’re right Winnie, about- the soul thing..I was gonna let you go but just one more thing” I look at the flower on my arm. “I realized… that- you make me feel the same peace..that Mikey did, because…because - it’s so stupid, but when you poked my arm yesterday? You- you poked the flower that I got, for him. And I had one of those- attacks, before you got there…and after you were there- I realized, that… that Mikey used to help me outta those when I was little.” I admitted, the words spilling out like word vomit. It could be deliriousness from not getting much sleep the past few days and all the stress at work.

“Mmm…see?” she mumbles sleepily “Thats how you know, that poke was Mikey tellin’ you,” she said softly. “Ye’...I dont usually think about shit like that but uh…I dunno- I wanted to tell you, thank you for being there for me by the way.” I said and she let out a sleepy “mmhm”

“Alright, sorry again f’wakin’ you, I’ll see ya’ tomorrow ok? 4?” I asked.

“4, Night Carmy” she said softly. “Night, Winnie” I said and hung up.

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Winnie’s P.O.V -

I woke up to the sound of my usual 7 am alarm. I rubbed my eyes groggily, grabbing it and hitting the ‘stop’ button. Did I dream that Carmen called me last night and opened up to me? I hit my call log, to see a 29:28 conversation with none other, then Carmen. I bit my lip gently,

You always know what t’say

His voice echos in my mind. I sit up in bed, rubbing Sephys silky soft fur absentmindedly as I think. I sat there for a few minutes going over the parts of the conversation I could remember through my sleepiness, and before I knew it I was opening up my messages and clicking on his name.

GM, excited to be wined&dined tn, Chef. See ya @ 4

I got up, getting my day started. I took my pills, showered, brushed my teeth, and put on some comfortable black yoga pants and a way oversized ‘Chiefs Kingdom’ hoodie, slicking my hair into a claw clip. I fed Persephone per usual, making myself some coffee.

I was leaned at my kitchen island, watching tik toks while I sip my coffee, when my phone buzzed. My mind meets Carm’s notification at the top.

Morn - since ik you’ve never had Caviar, I think tn will be alot of firsts for you.

I bit my lip, of course he meant ingredients, like fancy shit- he can tell I have an unexpirienced pallate. But… I couldn’t help but go to the more dirty firsts that I could be having. Getting fucked in a walk in freezer? Maybe…rough office sex? I shake my head, smirking at my own filthy ideas. But I still love to tease, and I can do that by leaving more to his imagination.

We can only pop so many cherrys in one night before I get worn out, Chef.

I smirked at the little delivered under the message, clicking back on to my tiktok live of this fabulous farmer who was always dancing with his animals. I finished off my coffee, grabbing my purse and taking my headphones putting them on. I just wanted to drown in music on this walk, to silence my thoughts.

“Love you honey!” I called to sephy as I walk out the door. I bounce down the stairs, opening the door and taking a deep breath of the crisp march air. Spring was finally starting to bloom. I smiled, seeing my next door neighbor, Ms.Mendoza waiting for her little weenie dog to do potty in the patch of grass.

I took off my headphones for a moment, “Good Morning Miss Mendoza, How are you?” I chirp and she smiles upon seeing me, her tan wrinkled skin crinking up at the corners of her eyes in a smile. “Good Morning my Sunshine, I am well thank you so much for bringing his dog food up, honey” she said and I pull her in to a hug, kissing her cheek. “Any time! I love this little guy and he’s gotta eat, right Kidlat?” I squat next to the little black dog and pet his head. He jumps on my legs making me giggle as he licks my hands.

“Oh, Sunshine- I hate to ask you, but I need some more detergent, do you think you can get some for me?” she asked and I look up at her, nodding with a smile. “Course! I’ll be home early today, in a few hours actually. I’ll swing by the store on the way home” I stood up and she cupped my cheek. “You are such a good girl, Mahal” she said, causing me to smile.

“And you are such a wonderful lady, Miss Mendoza, I’ll see you ok?” I said and gave her a quick hug before heading off. It wasn’t likely that she saw Carm and I with her bad vision in the dark, for that which I was thankful, because she hasn’t stopped pesking me about a boyfriend whenever I help her clean her apartment in the places she cant get down on her hands and knees anymore. And considering where Carmen stands on the word boyfriend - It would make me crazy to dodge all her questions with him on my mind.

I hum along to my music as I continued down, mumbling the lyrics to myself. I finally get to the store, opening the door since my coworker, Sadie was already here. “Hey Pooh!” she said and I smiled. “SadieBug!” I said happily taking my headphones off. “How was Cape Cod?” I asked and she smiled. “Really great! I love seeing my grandparents, they’re awesome” she said. Sadie’s smile was so pretty. “You’re gonna have to show me pictures” I said, putting my purse down in my usual spot behind the counter.

“Totally, what’s been goin’ on with you? Alot change here in 3 weeks?” she joked. She’d usually expect nothing of an answer, especially because she was my only friend, we work together, and the only time I didn’t see her was on our days off which was 2 a week. “Uh.. not- particularly” I said the end sounding a bit like a question.

“Okay, so tea? What’s goin’ on?” She asked and it brings a small smile to my lips. I feel so relieved. I completely forgot that Sadie was coming home this week, and would be starting back with me today. My ADHD makes it to where if I don’t see or hear from someone even someone I love as dearly as SadieBug they completely skip my mind.

I silently thank myself for not calling her the other night at 2 am when I got back from my date with Carm, she hates being woken up. “So. Ok so on break on Tuesday I saw this hot guy smoking and so I talked to him and - he invited me in to his restaurant, you know, The Bear -“ She cuts me off.

“The restaurant - that Sydney works at?” She asks and my eyebrows raise, jaw dropping and I smack my hand over my mouth. “Oh my god” I mumble into my hand, eyes wide. Sydney. That was where I’d seen that girl. She’s Sadie’s fucking cousin. “Who - who.” She asks.

“C-Carmen Berzatto” I said and she slaps her hand over her mouth. “Noooo” I whine “nooo- no. Sadie! Sadieee. What? What?!” I ask desperately. “Syd totally had a crush on him- do you remember last year when she was telling us about her super hot boss that she had a thing for but he was dating this girl he knew from childhood?” She questions and I run my hands through my hair in stress.

“Oh- oh my god! Is she- she’s gonna hate me. I-“ my heart sinks to my stomach, my coffee suddenly wanting to make a reappearance. “She- I mean. Is dating…I guess” Sadie said and I groan. “DATING?! So? So one of my only friends- granted she works so much we’ve only hung out twice with you there but…but- nonetheless!! She had a crush on the only guy that I’ve like- MADE OUT WITH since moving here?” I looked around terrified, thanking the lord the store was empty besides us.

Sadie starts to giggle “wait- wait…ok no forget Syd, you made out with the owner of The Bear ?! The guys loaded Pooh!!!” She said and I feel my cheeks heat. “I don’t- yes! We did. And I don’t care about his money.” I said and shook my head, walking over to relock the door since we were taking inventory today. “Okkayyyy but still. Is he..any good? Sydney wanted a piece of that Italian hunk sooo bad” she jokes and I snort.

“He would die being called an Italian Hunk. But…yes. Very good. Can you believe he’s shy - like- he’s never had a real girlfriend” I said and she raised her eyebrows. “Mmmm- first red flag, noted and saved in my mental flag folder,” she cuts open a box of books for us to stock and I roll my eyes. “He’s just…passionate about work and stuff. And he- is like. So good. So good” I said and she nods.

“Second red flag, the Carmen Berzatto folder has many do you know how many times Syd ranted to me about him and I just didn’t tell you because it was private conversations- but now since you seem to have a crush on him, I need you to be fully aware” she said and I sigh deeply. “Lay it on me then, because I’m supposed to be seeing him again tonight.” I said. She stood up from her crouched position on the floor.

“Fucking family?” She asked and my head snaps in her direction “How- fuck!” I rest my hand on my forehead. “Yeah? I’m actually family- I should be asking how you got invited!!” She said and I bit my lip. “He doesn’t- invite…people?” I asked and she laughed, sarcastically. “Dude. The last time he invited anyone it was that girl he was dating, and he aired out all of his red flag shit- and she ran in the other direction!!” She said and I felt my heart thumping in my throat.

“Claire?” I asked and her eyebrows raised “You know her too?” She asked and I shook my head, “no- no he…he told me about her..last night” I said and swallowed hard. “How many times have you seen him?” She asked “3…” I replied and she put her hands on top of her head, pacing in front of the counter.

“He's- he’s not good for you and you should stop this, Winnie,” she said and I crossed my arms. “What if he’s changed, Sadie?” I ask and she stops, putting her hands on her hips. “Sydney wouldn’t have moved on if he changed. She was waiting for him to change to tell him her feelings and he never did - that’s why she started dating Alex” she said and I bit my lip.

“He doesn’t even want anything…we’re just- we’re friends.” I said and she rolled her eyes “I’m not gonna play that game with you, Winnie. Here you go again, We’re just friendsing your way around a situationship- and then when he finally gets cold feet and runs in the other direction, who’s gonna be left heartbroken?” She asked and I sighed softly, knowing she was completely right.

“Well…I dunno Sadie. We’ll see! Right- tonight. And if he…if…if it doesn’t feel right I’ll stop it ok? I’ll- I’ll tell him I don’t want to see him anymore” I said, wanting it to be true but knowing how I felt when it was just Carmen and I. She shrugged “I know you, Pooh, and you love a man who needs fixing.” She said and I rolled my eyes.

“Okay!! Reading me at fuckin, what is it” I look at the clock “9:17!! He doesn’t- okay. He needs to fix himself and I will remove myself from the situation if he treats me poorly! Because broken people deserve love while they’re putting themselves together” I echo my therapist's words to her. She rolled her eyes. “That only works if you actually follow through and don’t give him a million chances when he hurts you and then doesn’t immediately correct the behavior,” she said.

I squat next to her, scanning each new book as I put it on the bottom row of the cart. “You’re right, and I will if he hurts me I’m out! Peace the fuck out and never look back!” I said and she smiled “okayyy..hopefully you mean that” she replied. The next few hours were filled with light pleasant conversation about her trip to the cape, how her family had been doing, and running back and forth to the stock room with stacks of books.

Our half-day went by quickly, even with no customers to fill the hour's conversation with Sadie seemed to make time pass well. I stood behind her as she locked the door to the shop and we continued our conversation about a video on tik tok she saw “And so I don’t even know how people could say that they would have done something different, if I was in her shoes I’d have punched her too!” She said and I laughed “We both would have. Fuck that bitch” I roll my eyes.

“Well. Here’s where we part.” She said and I pouted “I know…but see you in a few hours right?” I said and she nodded “Yup, I’ll save you a seat- just….if Syd is a little weird don’t - don’t take offense ok? The Carmen thing is still fresh for her and I know she’ll be happy he’s moving on it’s just…it’ll be raw that it’s with someone she knows” she said and I nodded quickly, swallowing hard.

“Course- I’d never hold it against her. And I- I hope it doesn’t…make things bad for us. I really like her.” I said and she pulled me into a hug “She’ll get over it, don’t worry, you know how we don’t respect men- we’d never let them come before our girls” she said and I giggled “100% chick. I gotta go grab detergent for Ms.Mendoza, I’ll see you there” I said and she nodded, heading the opposite way down the street.

I head the other way, going into a CVS and grabbing the tide scented pods that Ms.Mendoza liked before heading home. I put my headphones on and hum softly to myself swinging the bag next to me. I finally hauled up the 3 flights to my floor, slightly out of breath. I approached Ms.Mendozas door, knocking slightly and Kidlat starts barking. “One second” she called and I heard her shuffling over to the door.

The lock clicks and she opened it, her grey hair up in curlers “oh! Sunshine, thank you dear” she said and I handed her the bag, she stretches a $10 bill to me and I push it back towards her. “No- it’s ok, you’re always makin’ me dinner” I told her and she smiled warmly. “You need to eat better young lady” she said and pinched my cheek, causing me to smile. “Do you want to come in and have some lunch?” She asked and I shook my head.

“Sorry, I’d love to but I’ll be having a big dinner tonight, I’m going to a restaurant to meet a friend,” I said and her eyes lit up. “A boyfriend?” She asked and I blushed lightly “No- no not like that, he’s just… a nice friend,” I said softly and she nodded. “Well…the best boyfriends always start as friends, Mahal,” she said and I smiled, “that’s right Ms.Mendoza…I’ll see you,” I said and headed into my apartment.

I greet Persephone, giving her a few pebbles of treats and flicking her mouse around for her for a few minutes before heading to my closet to pick out an outfit. I bit my lip, looking over the choices. I finally settled on a little black dress, complete with fluffy cuffs and a black ribbon to tie in my hair.

I headed to the bathroom, singing and dancing along to Taylor Swift as I blew out my waist-length red hair to perfection, adding in some frizz serum to make it extra soft and silky, as well as smell like milk and honey which I loved. I used to hate my red hair, my brother and I both got bullied for it when we were younger. I’d heard every name in the book, carrot top even followed me into adulthood when I met an immature prick now and again. But since I’d grown, I’d made it my thing. I got it highlighted with blonde in the winter to match how it looks in the summer naturally, and in the summer those pieces get even brighter giving me a sunkissed look.

I look at the clock, 3:04 doing ok on time. I heard my phone buzz and the little ‘pop’ notification sounding over my speaker. I pick it up, clicking on the text from Carmen.

Don’t worry, one thing I am good at is delayed gratification - wouldn’t want to overwhelm you on your first time ;)

My stomach flutters in excitement, my core twitching and growing hot with arousal. Fuck. I swallow thickly.

Leaving in 30!

Was all I sent back and locked my phone. I did light face makeup, like usual letting my freckles that spotted my cheeks and nose shine through, and added highlight to the high points of my face. I did a sharp dramatic wing, and put on some whispy lashes. Completely transforming myself, from a doe eyed sweetheart- into a sultry Jessica Rabbit. I put on my Haus red liquid lipstick after putting on a deep maroon liner, knowing that once it dried it wouldn’t be moving no matter what direction this night took me until I wanted it gone.

I went in to the bedroom, putting on a lacy red thong and push-up bra set, adjusting my chest to look full and robust before carefully slipping on my sparkly black nylons. I put on my dress, zipping up the side and smoothing it out, I went over to the mirror, taken aback by myself. I look stunning. It wasn’t often that I allowed myself to go all out, I didn’t like the attention it brought since I was more of a casual person. But this. I understand what people mean when they say you feel sexy.

I put on my favorite perfume, one that I saved for extra special occasions. It was a French perfume that my grandmother bought me when I was 15, I couldn’t pronounce the name- all I knew was that my last spray I’d use on my wedding day, and I’d only use it when I really needed confidence any day before then. I spray on my pulse points, letting it dry down before gently inhaling the smell of honeycomb, dark rum, vanilla, and sandalwood. It was the best smell in the world to me, I love this perfume.

I switched over all of my contents to a small black leather night bag I had, going and grabbing my phone off the charger. I slipped on some black stiletto heels, buckling around the ankle and I headed out to the kitchen where Persephone was lounging on the couch.

“Hi missy” I said and she meowed, getting up and stretching before walking over to me. I crouched down, petting her. “Dinner time early tonight,” I said softly and she darted into the kitchen causing me to giggle. I go in, putting her food in to the bowl and setting it down for her petting her back. “Be home soon yeah?” I said softly and check the time on my phone. 3:48. I stood up, giving myself one more look in the hall mirror.

Knock ‘em dead, Win’

I heard Christopher’s voice in my mind and I smiled, adjusting my hair. “Knock ‘em dead…” I whisper to myself before heading out the door.

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

I got to the front door of The Bear and knocked gently, Richie looks over and smiles, coming and unlocking it. “Hey you! You look snappy huh? Nice dress!” He said and I smiled big. “Why thank you, you look very handsome, Richie” I said and gave him a quick hug as I head through the door. “Thanks! Clean up pretty good don’t I?” He jokes and I giggle “very, where’s little chef boy?” I asked and he snorts “back in his office, fucker came in extra early this morning we’re running 2 hours ahead of schedule for once” he said and a little girl comes racing from the kitchen.

“Daaaddyyy look at this!!” She squeals and he picks her up admiring he picture she was proudly holding. “Look at that munchkin!! Is that you and Cousin Carmy in the kitchen?” He asks and she nods “making pancakes!!” She said happily and I smiled warmly. “Who’s this little tatertot?” I asked and she giggled.

“My daughter! Meet Eva” he said and I smiled, holding out my hand to her. “Wonderful to meet you, Eva.” I said and she takes my hand shaking it gently “My name is Winnie” I smiled. “Winnie like Winnie the Pooh?” She asked cutely and I giggle “yes! Exactly like that!” I said and she wiggles away from Richie to get down and looks up at me.

“Are you princess Ariel?” She asked, causing me to giggle “well I wish” I crouch down to her height. “You talk like a princess” she said and I smile “wanna know a secret?” I whisper and she leans in, nodding. “When I was in school…I learned how to sing like a princess, do you want to hear?” I asked and she gasped. “Yes!! Please please!!” She begs. I nodded happily.

“Do you like Princess Ariel?” I asked and she nodded enthusiastically. “Ok..” I clear my throat, taking her hands in mine and softly started singing to her

“Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think my collections complete? Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl, the girl who has everything? Look at this trove, treasures untold, how many wonders can one cavern hold? Lookin around here you’d think-“ I poke her belly, causing her to giggle before I continued “sure, she’s got everything! I’ve got gadgets and gizmos aplenty. I’ve got whosits and what’s its galore- you want thingamabobs? I’ve got 20! But who cares, no big deal- I want more” I finished and she claps, Richie staring at me intently.

“Well shit.” He said “daddy! That’s a bad word- will you marry her? Be her prince Eric!” Eva said and tugged his pant leg. I giggled “sorry sweetheart, I’m no real princess. But I’m happy to sing like one for you any time” I said and got up, smoothing down my dress. “She’s right you might be a princess I’ve never heard someone sing like that before” Richie said causing me to blush.

“Well, I was in theater all my life so.. yeah” I clear my throat with a shy smile. “Uh I’m gonna-“ I point to the kitchen and he nods “yeah- yeah f’sure. Sorry didn’t mean to keep you” he said and I shook my head “no! Not at all. Love a little song I don’t get to do it much anymore” I extended my hand to Eva, shaking hers gently. “It was a pleasure to meet you, young lady.” I said and she smiled. “Will you sing for us at dinner?” She asked and my cheeks went beet red “honey-“ Richie started “no- no honey she’s here to enjoy the food with us yeah?” He rubs her shoulder and she pouted.

“Someday we can sing together okay?” I told her softly and she nodded happily. I went back to the kitchen, opening the door. Surprised to see trays upon trays of food sitting under the warmers waiting to be plated, and all the staff except for Carmen was standing around the large island talking. When the door swings shut they look up at me, Sydney’s eyes widen and I swallowed thickly.

“Uh- Winnie?” She said “Syd!!” I said and smiled, hoping if I acted happy to see her she’d do the same. “What are you…oh- holy shit.” She said realizing. “You- you were” I shook my head a bit, widening my eyes hoping she got the message. “Yeah. Just..Here. For..for Carmen.” I get out awkwardly and she nodded. “It’s nice to finally meet you!” A short woman with black curly hair says. “I’m Tina” she comes over extending her hand to me.

I smiled and shook it gently “Winnie” I said softly. “Carmen’s in the office you can go on back” Sydney said flatly and I swallowed hard, nodding “thank you.” I said meekly and walked back, feeling the burning stare of their eyes on me as I headed to the office the only sound being the buzz of the lights and the click of my heels.

I should have went out back and texted him. Why on earth would I want to meet everyone on my own instead of him introducing me?!

I opened and shut his office door behind me, desperate to get their prying eyes off my back and Carmen looks up from his desk, his eyes widening a bit as he racked over me. I look at him and smile a bit, he looked so hot. His Chefs Whites were ironed to perfection, his curls were slicked back neatly and he looked a bit rested for once. “Hey” I said softly, finally breaking the silence.

“Hey…” he replied, eyes continuing to rack over my frame “you look…” he said, swallowing thickly. “Nice- r-really pretty” he said and I smiled, nodding a bit. “You look really handsome” I said and approached him, “thank you” he said softly a blush creeping in to his cheeks. “So…I met- like. Tina. She introduced herself. And - well. I know Syd.” I said and his eyes widened “you- you know Syd? How?” He asked.

“Oh- ah yeah her cousin, Sadie? She’s come for family before…she works with me” I said. He nodded a bit, eyes unable to read. “C’mere” he opened his arms and I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around him.

He rests his hands on my waist, pulling me into his lap causing me to giggle “woah! Hey I’m in a dress remember” I keep my knees together and he holds my legs for me nearly cradling me in his huge chair. “Thank you f’comin” he said and kisses my forehead sweetly. I blushed at the sweet, domestic like gesture and nod. “Course…how could I say no to some denied gratification… is that how you said it?” I said softly and my eyes flicker to his lips.

He smiled a bit “thats it” he strokes my thigh gently “these are nice” he said softly and I adjust his chain. “That always stays front and center when you’re around” he said and I look up at him with a smirk on my lips. “Gotta make sure you don’t loose anything” I whisper and he leans in a bit, stopping just above my lips.

“Am I gonna ruin this lipstick if I kiss you?” He asks softly, his breath hot on my lips. I pull him in by his collar, kissing him hard and running my tongue along the bottom of his lip. He hums and opens for me, and my tongue meets his immideately, tasting the reminence of a cigarette on his tongue. I hummed in satisfaction, nuzzling my nose against his sweetly and I feel him smile against my lips. I pull away and smiled, fluttering my eyelashes playfully.

“How’s the lipstick,Chef?” I asked and made a kissy face. “Perfect. Wow. Where’d you get that stuff?” He asked and pecked my lips for good measure. “Lady Gaga darling” I said dramatically and got up off his lap, fixing my dress. “Let’s go smoke” I took his lighter from my bra that I’d lifted from his pocket while we were kissing “robbed ya” I smirk and he chuckled.

“You are a sneak” he got up patting my bum with his hand and I squeak at the contact “you are getting too aquainted with my ass, Chef” I giggle a bit and he shrugged “you have a nice ass” he said and I rolled my eyes tugging the door open. I felt the lump in my throat as all eyes in the kitchen turn to us. He looks at the clock.

“Alright uh- appetizers let’s get em plated, I want everyone at their stations. Let’s keep up with the housekeeping tonight so we can get outta here on time yeah? We’ve been ahead a’schedule let’s keep it that way.” He tells them.

“Yes Chef” they said getting to work Sugar comes in the kitchen “Bear- oh! Hey!! Wowww you look cute!” She said with a smile. I blushed a bit. “Thank you, you look cute too” I told her. “What’sup Sugar” he looks at her.

“Oh I just wanted to say- great job tonight. Everything is like…perfect.” He nodded “thanks…” he muttered and tugged my arm gently “be proud of yourself, Bear. Really. Be proud.” She said sincerely and he nods. “Thanks, Sugar” I followed him outside and he sighed softly.

“She’s…right. You know that, right?” He took his cigarettes out, putting one between his lips and I lit it for him. “It’s not all me” he said once he exhaled. I crossed my arms over my waist “it is though, Carmen. You are the first one here and the last to leave, you are the person everyone looks to, when we walk out- it’s like sheep waiting to be told what to do next. They respect you Carmen. No one back talks you, no one asks why- they trust your decisions in there”

He takes in my words, looking down at our shoes as he smoked. “You run a beautiful business, Carmen. Really” I said honestly and rest my hand on his bicep. His cheeks heat, the bridge of his nose turning pink with blush. “Thank you” he said softly. “Really, means a lot” he said and I nodded, smiling a bit. I took a joint out of my purse, leaning in and lighting it on his cigarette before taking a drag.

“So, Chef Berzatto what do you have in store for me today?” I asked and he smirked at my words. “I wouldn’t want to ruin all the surprises” he said and I took another drag. “Fine but get me in the mood, make me wet, chef- my palate. You know.” I said in a sultry teasing tone. His mouth dropped at my words getting a giggle out of me. “You have a dirty mouth” he leans in and kissed me deeply, I hum in to the kiss, gently playing with the pendant around his neck.

“Maybe you have a dirty mind” I said when he pulled away and he shook his head with a smirk. “For an appetizer” he started and took a drag of his cigarette “Gladolia Petals, and spicy violet pearls, and grilled leek, aubergine, and mushrooms” he said smoke spilling from his lips in tendrils.

“Flowers?” I questioned and he nodded with a amused smile that I was interested. “Mmhmm, edible ones of course” he said. “Hm” I hum. “No wonder you’re so fit, eating like a king all the time” I teased, taking another drag of my joint. He laughs a bit “no- no. I don’t eat- I taste. I eat…honestly I eat like shit” he said and I furrow my eyebrows.

“You don’t have a super nice lunch like we had together every day?” I asked and he shook his head “oh- no way. I eat when I get home and it’s usually like” he snorts “a fuckin pb and j or a microwave burrito, I eat like..pure shit.” He said and I look at him puzzled. “Why?” I asked and he shrugged, taking another drag of his cigarette. “No time. Well - not worth it to have groceries im not home to use I guess.” He said and leaned against the wall.

I lean forward, squeezing his bicep “so…peanut butter and jelly diet huh?” I said and he chuckled. “Well yeah. I just….i work out when I can’t sleep so. Yeah. Guess it pays off being an insomniac” he smiled and I rest my head on the wall, taking another drag off my joint.

“You’re fascinating” I said softly. He smirks “why’s that?” He asked. “Well for starters- I did google you, considering when I looked up this place- there were all these articles about how you’re this decorated chef with alll these achievements and titles. And so I was like who is this big-shot? And I googled your name…and I filtered it by oldest- and it’s like you didn’t- exist. Before 2016. Nothing. Nothing in school, no sports, no clubs, no community service. But then in 2016, there was an article about you in your culinary school paper, how you were top of your class that semester. And then all these articles about how you just won award after award, and…. I just- how? How did you do it, Carmen? Where did you come from?” I asked finally.

He took a deep breath, “A lot of it has to do with my brother, let’s talk about it tonight ye’? I promise, promise I’ll tell you” he put out the butt of his cigarette and I dropped the end of mine crushing it. “Ok…are we- am I gonna be able to see you tonight?” I asked and he nods. “ ‘course baby don’t worry. I’m gonna bring you your food and everything yeah?” He pulls me to him, resting his hands on my bum. I nod and look up at him, “like…after-can we…hang out?” I asked.

He nodded a bit “sure- sure if you wanna. I don’t have to work tomorrow but I’m probably gonna be outta here at 11” he played with the hemp of my dress. I bit my lip, contemplating asking for a moment before I just bit the bullet.

“Come over? To mine? You can meet Persephone…” I said and he smiled a bit “didn’t know you had a pet” he said and I gasp “I never showed you?” I dig my phone out of my purse excitedly and open my phone showing him my Home Screen.

“Your eyes are just like hers” I giggle and he smiled, blushing a bit. “She’s super cute.” He said and I put my phone back in my bag. “Sure. I’ll probably need to shower first so how’s like midnight?” He asked, pulling me back to him gently. “That’s fine.” I said and leaned in, kissing him sweetly. The door opened and Richie pokes his head out. “Hey- sorry lovebirds. It’s 5:02 everyone’s gettin settled in. Winnie you might wanna go sit so you don’t miss appetizers.” I nodded “thanks” I said and look at Carm again.

“Kick ass out there, Chef” I said with a smile and head back in after Richie.

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

I sat down at the table with Sadie and her boyfriend, Mitch. “Hey guys” I said smiling “hey! You look cute!” She said and I smiled, looking at her lavender dress. “So do you! Love that color on you” I said and Sydney came over with a tray of drinks. “From Chef Carmen.” She said evenly, placing a cup in front of me. Spicy mint margarita with a pink umbrella, just like we had the other night. “Thank you” I said softly, putting my straw in and she sets down Sadie and Mitch’s dark blue looking drink.

“This is the house cocktail, coconut rum, vodka, and cream soda” she told them, Sadie nodded “Thanks Syd! This looks awesome” she said and Sydney nodded, smiling a bit. “I’ll be back with your appetizers in a moment.” She said and went off to the kitchen. I tried my drink, looking over at Sadie. “So…” she said softly.

“How’d it…go” she asked and I bit my lip gently. “Good…we talked, apparently we’re gonna eat flowers” I said and Mitch scrunched his nose. “Babe your cousin is in to fancy shit” he said to Sadie and she rolled her eyes “We talked about this, if you’re still hungry when we go home then we’ll stop” she said and Sydney approaches our table once again with a platter of plates.

“Gladioli’s petals with spicy violet pearls” she places a plate in front of Sadie, then Mitch, when she places a much bigger one in front of me I gasp softly. The same sauce that was in tiny dots atop the petals had been painted in to a portrait of Winnie the Pooh, ‘Winnie’ written in beautiful cursive on the side of the plate.

“Holy shit” Sadie whispered, admiring it. “Compliments of Chef Carmen, Enjoy.” Sydney went off back to the kitchen and I bit my lip to contain the smile that was forming. “Well that dude is dick-whipped” Mitch says, earning himself a kick in the shin from Sadie. “Shut it!” She hissed. “That is actually like…cute..Pooh” she smiled a bit, causing me to blush.

“Yeah…” I said in response, carefully eating around the art. “Wow” I muttered “This is weird, tastes like spicy garlic” She said and I smile. “I’ll be sure to give the chef your notes” I nod. “It kinda does though, I agree.” I hum. I slip my phone out of my purse, taking a photo of the plate and sending it to Carmen.

Here I was thinking you weren’t a romantic type, you’re a sap Berzatto!!

I smiled as I hit send, putting my phone back in my purse. I finished off my drink, and when the next round came out there was a waitress with curly brown hair bringing us the food. “Hello, I’m sure you were greeted by who invited you this evening, Here we have the second part of the appetizer, grilled leek, aubergine, and mushrooms with a cream sauce.” She puts a plate down in front of each of us.

“My name is Tara, I will be your waitress for the rest of the evening. Miss, would you like another of your cocktail?” she motioned to my drink, I nodded “Uh- sure! Yeah, thank you” I smiled and handed her my cup and she went off to the bar. Sadie scrunches her nose in a way I knew she would at the dish which makes me laugh. “Sadie!” I whisper between giggles. “Stop- we have to try it, if Syd sees our plates untouched shes gonna be so mad!” I said and she started laughing quietly but I could tell she was holding back by the little squeaks that were coming out.

“Ssssadie!!!” I cover my mouth to cover my laugh. “Stop it!” I whisper and pick up my fork, cutting a piece of it and putting it in my mouth. “Ok, it's not bad just…earthy- you’re not gonna like it” I said and she pushed her plate away. I took one more bite before deciding it wasn’t for me and pushing it aside. Bussers came to all the tables taking the empty plates and the waitress comes back with my drink.

“Thank you” I smiled, “Of course- The head chef requested he personally bring out your meals to this table, it should be out momentarily, in the meantime would you like another drink?” She asked Mitch, since Sadie had barely touched hers. “Yeah sure but um- a beer is fine, just Miller lite” he said and she nodded, taking his empty glass to the bar and coming back with the beer before returning to the kitchen.

“Oooo he’s comin’ to bring you your food - we didn’t even see him last time I was here” she said and I felt my cheeks heating “See! I told you he’s nice, and he’s gonna ask how we’re liking everything, and you better not laugh!” I give her a look although I was trying to hide a smile. She starts giggling again “Then don't look at me!!!” she said causing me to laugh and the door swings open, the waiters and waitresses all filing out to tables and Carm was at the end of the line.

I smiled at him, before breaking my gaze and looking at Sadie shooting her a don’t giggle! Look. He approaches the table “Hey you” He said softly and I smiled, “Everything is awesome, Carm” I said quietly for only us to here and he smiled “I’m glad you’re enjoying” he puts the plates down in front of us. “So we have for your main course, Roe Deer in a salt crust, crunchy Cavolo Nero, a Hazlenut pesto, and Celeriac” he said and I furrow my brows, He leans down “It’s really just deer steak, kale, pesto, and grilled celery root baby, we just say it fancy” he whispered in my ear and I smiled looking at him, my whole body covered in goosebumps by the use of the intimate name.

“Chefs, are the art bro’s of food” I said softly and he chuckled a bit. “Enjoy your meal” He told us and went back to the kitchen. “This taste like a potato” Sadie said, eating some of what I now knew was celery root. “I guess its a fancy celery root” I said and cut up my steak. I hum at the flavor, our whole table growing quiet as did most of the restaurant as we enjoy the meal. At the end of the course the buspeople came out again and collected the empty plates, before the waitresses came shortly after with the dessert.

She placed my plate down last again, this time, my chocolate cake had a heart drawn in chocolate sauce next to it, causing me to smile and blush. “He’s… like- actually in to you, Winnie” Sadie said, observing my plate. “I dunno- it’s it could be flirting” I shook my head with a smile, taking a bite of the delicious cake. “Wow… this is great” Sadie said and I nodded “mmm- absolutely…I’m gonna need Carmen to give me some of this again” I said and took out my phone, seeing he’d replied to my text.

Only with extra pretty girls who share their sour candy

I smiled at the thoughtful reminder of yesterday, quickly typing and sending a response.

Can’t wait till 12 to see you- can I pay my compliments to the Chef before I go?

I slipped my phone back in my purse, continuing to talk with Sadie and Mitch about different pop culture things and the gossip of what's going on in our lives at the moment. I nibbled on my chocolate cake, feeling fuller by the second and knowing I’d never be able to finish it.

I heard my phone buzz in my purse and put my fork down, fishing it out and looking at Carmens response

Course I just have to thank everyone for coming & everyone says their goodnights

I locked my phone again, “Sadie- Gotta go to the bathroom, comin’?” I asked and she nodded, getting up and following me back to the womens room. I pushed open the door and she followed behind me. “Ok, well I will say he’s being sweet, and way more romantic then Syd said he was with Claire” Sadie said as I touched my makeup up in the mirror. “Told you, he's changed” I touch up my face powder and she huffed, leaning against the wall.

“Or he could be in his honeymoon lovebombing stage, and wanting you to fall for him so he can go all cold” She said and I rolled my eyes. “Yes” I replied, partially annoyed, “But, he could also be into me, and showing it! Like a nice guy, like you said- he has this place, and I googled him before- you’re right. So why not…ya know” I shrugged. She sighed a bit “I guess” she opened up the stall door to use the restroom and I waited for her near the door.

“You’ve been texting him the whole time, doesn’t that say lovebombing to you?” she asked as she pulled on the toilet paper roll. “Oh- the whole time” I laugh a bit, rolling my eyes. “I texted him first, we’ve exchanged like 2 texts!” I said and she flushed, opening the stall door and coming out to wash her hands. “And I assume you’re seeing him tonight…” she raised her eyebrows.

“Yes…and?” I said and she giggled “I will say it with my chest like Ari!” I said causing us both to laugh. I opened the door to the bathroom for us and we went back to the now cleared table, sitting down. There was soft chatter throughout the restaurant and all the Chefs came out. “Alright I just wanted to thank you all for coming tonight, Means alot- and Without further do- Chef Sydney, who created the main course tonight” Carmen said and we clapped.

“Thank you all so much for coming, I hope you enjoyed the dish I worked very hard on it, and I hope to see you all next time, stay safe!” She said and we gave her a round of applause before the Chefs broke off to their respective families, to my surprise- Carmen and Sydney both came up to our table.

“How was it?” He asked and I smiled wide, so happy he was wanting to show off to people that he invited me. “So- so good, Chef Sydney- you are so amazingly talented, I’m so grateful to call you a friend” I said honestly and touched her hand. She looked at me a bit surprised and grasps my hand gently with hers, “Ye-Yeah, yeah, totally, thank you, Winnie- really” she nods.

“Ok- what the fuck was that appetizer- mushroom shit” Sadie asks Syd and I can’t contain my laughing at her usual boldness. Carmen’s jaw drops and Syd’s eyes widen, and my giggles caused Sadie to start laughing herself. “What do you mean oh my god Sadie! That is my boss” she said and I gasp in laughter, leaning in to Carm’s side.

“Don’t worry Syd, Carmen,” I look at him and his shocked expression just makes me laugh harder. I caught my breath and wrap my arm around his bicep, “Sydney and I are both sorry for Sadies outburst, shes picky” I giggled and he shook his head, chuckling a bit. “I can see why you two are friends” he said and I raise my eyebrows, “Better be a good thing Chef!” I giggle and he nods, “Course, 2 firecrackers I’m sure you two cause lots of trouble, c’mon I need a cigarette before we clean y’comin?” He wrapped his arm around my waist and I nodded “Thank you again, Syd - Sadie- see ya monday” I told her.

She gives me a look as Carm tugs me away, my purse tucked in my arm, and gives the ‘call me’ sign and I giggled, nodding and taking his hand as we slinked through the kitchen to the back alley. As soon as the door shuts, I leaned against it, pulling him by his collar into a deep kiss and he hums softly, cupping my waist with his hands and lightly squeezing. I swipe my tongue over his bottom lip and he opens for me, our tongues meeting roughly, a needy wanting kiss. His hands travel down and cup my ass, squeezing. He pulled away after a moment, lips swollen from our kiss, us both slightly out of breath.

“That was so fucking amazing Carmen, holy shit you are fucking amazing” I breathed and kiss his neck, biting gently at the skin under his jaw and he gasps softly, his hands trailing up to the small of my back, “What was- dinner? Or the kiss?” He asked, “Both” I breathe in to his neck, kissing the pulsepoint below his ear before nibbling his earlobe “Oh- okay” He said softly. “I- I wanna keep doing this with you but I have to get back inside, baby” he said lowly and I pulled away, pouting a bit. “Ok” I said, taking his lighter out of his pocket while he found his cigarettes and lighting it for him. He leans against the door and exhales in a sigh, rubbing his hand over his face.

“That actually went really fuckin’ well” He said and took another drag. I leaned on my shoulder, watching him. “I’m glad.. It was all so, so good Carm, it was delicious” I said and held his other hand, kissing the tattoo of the chefs knife gently. “Guess you’re my good luck charm yea?” he teased and I smiled, cheeks heating slightly. “No- that would be you, you’re the lucky charm” I kiss over each one of his knuckles gently.

“Could I…maybe take you up on that massage tonight? If you were serious that is.” He said and I smiled, “Of course, Would you like to make a reservation at Winnies Massage Parlor for 12 midnight?” I asked and he chuckled, “I would actually, I tip very well” He teased and I smiled, my heart picking up. “Sounds good, I’ll see you then” I said and he stomped out the butt of his cigarette.

“Thanks f’comin honey, I really mean it” He said and wrapped his strong hands around my waist. I smiled, “Of course! Carm, anytime” I said and he leaned in kissing me sweetly. When he pulled away I look up at him. “Twelve?” he asked.

“Twelve, I’ll text you my apartment number” I said and went down the step “See ya, Chef” I winked and he gave me his priceless smile as he went inside.

➜ 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒮𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃!

#the bear fic #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmen berzatto fluff #carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto fanfiction #the bear fanfiction #the bear fx #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto x oc #carmy berzatto x oc #carmen x oc #carmy x oc #the bear oc #the bear 🐻#carmen berzatto smut

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jess-the-vampire · 2 years

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The flapjack thing is where I think my most mixed feelings lay.

On one hand I sorta see what they were going for but on another hand I'm not sure i really enjoy the choice storywise?

You can definitely claim him reviving hunter isn't pulled from nowhere because Philip was using palisman to extend his life. But its been pretty unclear in the series itself if thats actually what they were for because how Philip's curse works is still extremely confusing.

You can make the argument for it, but you could also make the argument it was for his glyphs or because he intended to be cursed.

But let's say it was officially for life extension.

Yeah, I dunno, the idea palisman can do something like this willingly kinda raises the question why caleb wasn't revived from death ? It can somewhat come off like a death loophole and makes you wonder why more witches aren't revived by their own palisman souls?

I think it also is kinda sad Hunter's therapy animal and the source that helped him first escape his abuse was just taken away from him, as if he hasn't been through enough and he needs to lose another prime source of comfort.

I know its meant to be sad but still, and although I'm sad it kinda makes me wish hunter and flapjack should've had more time together in the show. (Disney )

Its also kinda frustrating because flapjack had severe ties to the brothers and was assumingly there during the event and we just are removed the only witness besides Philip to the situation.

So we just never got anything much about any of that from him. Not even a conversation with hunter about it.

I think also because there was such a focus about hunter becoming his own person, making him look even more like caleb now is a little polarizing.

On one hand yeah, there's something purposely bittersweet about the situation and flapjack always technically being with him.

On another hand I'm not sure if we NEEDED to do this either and if it should've been something they cut from the script because it raises so many questions and feels arguably like a death that the show didn't need either?

I'm sure others have different feelings towards the situation but I'm definitely mixed about the choice to do it.

#the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #toh the golden guard #the owl house golden guard #toh golden guard #the golden guard #golden guard #the owl house hunter #the owl house hunter #flapjack #caleb wittebane #philip wittebane #emperor belos

282 notes · View notes

lolotheparagon · 7 months

Note

Has any of the ponies met the Arkham Knight? If so how did that go?

Arkham Knight/Red Hood: So let me get this straight. You little aliens are adopted by the Scarecrow?

Ponies: Yep!

Red Hood: And he's a good, attending father?

Ponies: Yep!

Red Hood: ...We're still talking about Crane, right?

Sweetie Belle: Well, duh!

Pinkie Pie: How did you know him, sir?

Red Hood: I used to be his second in command

Starsong: What does that mean?

Cheerilee: A second in command is a person who acts as a second authority to the head commander/chief officer. Hence the phrase "in command"

Red Hood: I was more of a sidekick, honestly.

Scootaloo: Woah, mister, you must have loads of stories about Mr Crow!

Red Hood: Yep, but none of them are flattering.

Scootaloo: Why not?

Red Hood: Trust me, from my experience. Scarecrow is a cold, ruthless cynical man who doesnt care about anyone. He wants to inspire fear and hatred to everyone unfortunate enough to be in his radar.

Toola Roola: Well, that last bit's true. He is a scarecrow after all.

Red Hood: (wait does these kids seriously think he's a scarecrow?)

Scootaloo: But that first bit's not true! He cares about us!

Red Hood: Cos he sees you guys as blank slates. He wanted to mold you guys into his image.

(Looks at the pastel ponies)

Red Hood: Which, by the looks of you all, I don't think is gonna happen. Like ever

Rainbow Dash: Phew! Thats a relief! I'd die before Id wear any icky dingy cloaks.

Scootaloo: Seriously, Mr Hood. Mr Crow is such a cool guy. He's powerful, scary and he loves my knack for causing chaos, and thats true Im pretty good at smashing up stuff and beating up bad guys!

Cheerilee: Funny, I never saw you take down a thug before.

Scootaloo: Im working on some new moves okay?!

Rainbow Dash: Mr Hood, with all due respect. We understand where you're coming from and we know that Mr Crow isnt the nicest guy around. But we still love him

Toola Roola: Im pretty sure he likes us too. I mean, he did give us one wicked Halloween party this year and he was willing to drive around every Bobby Burger's joint in Gotham just to get Starsong her Disney Princess Laffy Meals toys. But sometimes he can be a real meanie. Like he doesn't do a lot of activities with us unless we tell him to.

Pinkie Pie: He certainly isnt the hugging type either.

Red Hood: Yeah, that's Crane for ya. Being a dad doesnt come naturally to him.

Pinkie Pie: So do you have any advice for helping us with Mr Crow's grumpiness and get him to lighten up a bit?

Red Hood: ...

(These kids have no idea their dad is a supervillain. In fact, I dont even think they know what the word "supervillain" means. Well, they look okay for kids being raised by the master of fear and they sure do love him. Urgh, I bet Crane's acting like a good dad to freak everyone out. Sounds like something he would do. Well, just in case, I'll give 'em some defense tips)

Well, he's an old man. Grumpiness is part of his nature. But if he gets too mean like say he doesn't want to get you another round of ice cream or doesn't want to play tea party...Here are all of Crane's weak spots. He's got a crippled leg so strike at the back of his left knee to knock him down. And make sure to stitch up his mouth if he's saying anything stupid. Like a zipper mouth sorta thing. Also he hates loud music so whatever you got on your phone, blast it. Also, throw him off a bridge for me.

Cheerilee: Wont that kill him?

Red Hood: Nah, dont worry, he's a scarecrow. He cant feel any pain. Straw body, remember?

Scootaloo: I knew he was a magic scarecrow!

Red Hood: Exactly! So whenever he pisses you guys off, just (under breath) Oh crap, I shouldnt sworn in front of them

Scootaloo: Haha that sounds funny! Piss off! Piss off!

(all the ponies join in saying pisses off while bouncing up and down)

Red Hood: Oh god, I've set them off now.

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prince-rowan-of-the-forest · 2 years

Text

The Stresses of Shapeshifting

Janus is struggling to regain control of his shapeshifting powers after they get away from him.

Thankfully, the noble Roman (and the others helped a bit too, I guess) was there to save the day!

In the end, all anyone really needs is a cuddle pile, Disney movies, pizza and... possibly inedible... cake.

----

| Ao3 |

Warnings: General distress, a panic attack, minor swearing

Pairings: Platonic DRLAMP

Word Count: 3325

Notes: This is my first posted Sanders Sides fic!! I'm super excited, please be nice, but also please reblog/comment and let me know what you think because I'm nervous. Oh yeah, remember that I had ages ago about Janus' shapeshifting powers going crazy? this is that. haha.

Pings: @seren4d3 (there were a few more people who said they wanted to see it but didn't say they wanted to be pinged specifically so I won't ping because anxiety. If you want to be pinged for future fics in general or something specific, lemme know!! (be specific please lol)

~~~~

“Hey there padre-” Roman said with a smile, it was almost dinner time and he wanted to inquire who’s turn it was to cook, but he stopped as he walked around the sofa, smile falling. Just the look on Patton’s face making him stop in his tracks. Patton was sat on the couch, gripping his jeans with white-nuckled fists, he was staring into nothing with gritted teeth, the tensest Roman had ever seen his fellow side, “What on earth happened to you?”

Patton shook his head sharply, and thats when Roman noticed the glitchy flickering- his glasses, his eyes, Patton didn’t look quite right, something was just off, and then it wasn’t- then it was again. Minor shifts in appearance, nothing big enough to notice if you weren’t looking closely. Roman quickly placed his cup of coffee down on the coffee table and took a step closer, glancing around to see if he could spot any evidence as to what might be happening right now.

There was a small pile of black fabric with a hint of yellow off to the side- as if it had been thrown; it rang as familiar in Roman’s brain, on the arm of the sofa next to Patton was a pair of yellow gloves- Janus’ gloves? What were they doing here?

“What in great Odin’s eyepatch is going on…” Roman muttered, looking back to Patton as if for answers, Patton only curled in further in response, moving his arms so he was in a position almost to hug himself, the flickering got stronger for a second, and Roman thought he saw Patton’s face shift completely before it it was pulled back into place.

Roman moved over to the fabric and lifted it up- black with yellow lining- that was Janus’ cape… what on earth was Janus’ stuff doing here? Patton made a noise- it sounded strained and upset, but was obviously in protest, Roman huffed and carefully folded the cape, before putting it neatly on the coffee table. Patton relaxed minutely, before jerking forwards, his clothes glitched this time, Roman saw them turn black, for a moment Patton’s cardigan was gone, replaced with Logan’s collar, before immediately returning to Patton’s signature look. It almost looked like rubber banding in a video game. As if you were trying to customise your character but it kept lagging back to the default.

“Patton?” Roman said gently, stepping forwards with his hands raised up, he wasn’t sure what was going on, but he knew it wasn’t good. Something was wrong with Patton.

“Not- not-” Patton started through gritted teeth, before tensing up again, Roman could see his fingers digging into his arms, “Not Pa- not Patton-”

Roman stared for a moment, as (not?) Patton’s eyes shifted through colours, he noticed his own red- Remus’ green- Virgil’s purple- Logan’s blue and then back to Patton. He glanced at the gloves, then back at the cape, clues falling into place. In a flash, Roman pulled out his phone, sending a ping to the groupchat- ‘Code Yellow!!!!’ before shoving it back in his pocket and looking back to the side on sofa.

“Janus?” Roman asked, Not-Patton nodded, going to say something before clenching his jaw, face contorted in what looked like extreme effort, the flickering got worse for a moment, before it cleared up, but Roman was no longer looking at Patton, but a mirror image of himself, granted his reflection looked like it had been dragged through a bush backwards. For a moment he had no words.

“My hair is not that messy,” Was the statement that chose to come out of his mouth. Eloquent, Roman.

“Sorry-” Janus choked out, but even with the strained tone Roman could tell it wasn’t sincere, well, good thing the sarcastic snake was still in there somewhere, “Can’t- can’t control it-”

“Hey kiddos! What’s hippety happening down here- oh!” Patton- thank goodness the real Patton- had arrived on the scene first, Roman breathed a sigh of relief as Patton rushed over to the sofa, “Roman? Janus? What’s going on?”

Janus tensed up, digging his- now neatly painted and manicured- nails into the soft fabric of Roman’s tunic, the fabric bunching up under the pressure. The real Roman took a second to wring out his hands, feeling the nervous energy building up, he took a deep breath.

“I think Janus is having trouble with his shapeshifting powers,” Roman tried to explain, “I found him down here as you but he’s been glitching and shifting and- I mean you see him, right?”

“Yeah- yeah kiddo,” Patton nodded, quickly moving around to the front of the sofa and sitting down next to Janus, “Are you ok with touch right now, kiddo?”

A small nod was given in response, before Janus’ eyes went wide- his hair flickering from different styles- long to short, Romans’ regular fluffy but tamed look to Logan’s neat slicked back to Virgil’s dramatic bangs before settling on something not quite Roman but closer than before. Patton waited for the glitching to settle down a little before carefully putting an arm around Janus’ shoulders.

“I can’t- I can’t-” Janus started, eyes still wide, he still was incredibly tense, he didn’t seem to be able to finish the thought though. Roman sat down on the sofa too after a few seconds hesitation, on Janus’ other side, and took a gulp of coffee that could not have looked princely in the slightest before putting the cup back down.

“It’s ok,” Patton said softly, rubbing calming circles into Janus’ back, “You’re safe here, kiddo,”

“We don’t need anything from you right now,” Roman added, placing a hand on Janus’ arm to add his own comfort, he felt Janus relax slightly, slumping forward just a little. The glitching picked up for a moment, before settling back again as he relaxed.

“What seems to be the issue?” Said Logan, appearing from the stairs, Roman looked back to see the logical side adjust his glasses, surveying the scene.

“Janus is struggling to control his shifting ability,” Patton explained easily, upon mention, Janus tensed up again, he curled in on himself as he glitched through a series of forms, before returning to Patton this time. The real Patton chuckled softly as he had to readjust his postion with the change.

“Keeps- changing,” Janus forced out through his teeth, “I can’t- can’t get back-”

“We’ll figure this out, kiddo, don’t you worry,” Patton said sotly, “Hey Logan? D’you think you could try and figure out what’s going on?”

“Of course,” Logan nodded, turning back to the stairs, “I’ll start in the memory hall, please contact me should there be any developments,”

“You got it, teach,” Roman said, shooting a smile back at the Logical side before focusing his attention back on Janus.

“I can’t- hold it,” Janus said, gripping his own arms tight as if for emphasis, he gasped, “Why- I can’t- I can’t keep hold of a form-”

With that he started shifting again, his clothes flickered first, then his hair, his eyes, his face shape, the fabric changing from Patton’s soft shirt to Virgil’s firmer but still amazingly soft hoodie, his hair settled on Virgil’s purple and Patton had to readjust again- Virgil was like a stick compared to both him and Roman.

It took a moment to realise Janus hadn’t taken a breath since he shifted, simply staring at his arms eyes wide, his hands had released their vice grip on his arms and were now shaking violently in his lap, seconds later Janus had shrugged Patton and Roman off and was starting to take sharp short breaths that Roman was certain weren’t getting him the air he needed.

“No no- not Virgil- no, no I promised- I can’t-” Janus forced out between breaths, “I promised I would- I would never this-”

“Janus, Janus, kiddo I need you to breathe, you’re panicking, it’s ok,” Patton instructed firmly, wanting to reach out again but keeping his hands threaded together in his lap. Janus’ refusal of touch just now had been clear.

“It’s not, it’s not ok I promised him- I promised- I can’t-” Janus shook his head, gripping his trousers.

“Jan?” Roman’s head whipped around to find the real Virgil had arrived in the doorway, Janus jolted hearing his voice, and began to shake even worse.

“Virgil I’m sorry- I’m sorry- sorry-” Janus repeated, Roman looked up at Virgil, trying to ask for help using his eyes. Virgil mumbled something, before hurrying over to join them.

“Jan, Jan you need to calm down,” Virgil muttered, kneeling in front of Janus in his own form, “You’re having a panic attack Janus,”

“Virgil I’m sorry,” Janus said, sounding so upset that Roman couldn’t help but want to wrap him up in a blanket and hug him to death, “I didn’t- I can’t- I can’t control it- I can’t shift- I-”

“It’s ok Jan,” Virgil interrupted, he reached forwards and gently took Janus’ hands, Roman could see that the hold was loose enough that Janus could easily pull away, but Janus did the opposite, gripping Virgil’s hands like a lifeline, “Breathe with me, alright? Breath in for four seconds…”

Janus did so, Roman recognised this breathing exercise, Virgil had had Thomas do it all those years ago in Virgil’s room. When they first accepted him.

“Hold for seven seconds, you’re doing really well Jan,” Virgil told him, rubbing the tops of Janus’ hands with his thumbs, “And breath out for six seconds, good, keep doing that, in for four…”

Amazed, Roman watched as Janus’ shoulders relaxed, he started flickering again, but Roman thought that might be a good sign right now- he hadn’t flickered at all as Virgil, maybe it was to do with how panicked he was? Roman watched at Janus eventually switched to Remus’ form, Patton’s nose wrinkled for a moment, before he smiled.

“Ew…” Janus huffed after a final deep breath, finally calm enough to find words, “I hate being Remus,”

Roman couldn’t help but snort, “Too messy for you? Mr. Prim and Proper?”

Janus shot him a glare, which only made Roman laugh coming from Remus- who wasn’t really a ‘glare’ kind of person, rabies infested dog? He could portray one perfectly, glaring? Remus had never been able to get it right, Virgil gave Roman a reproachful look, though, which shut him up pretty fast.

“Oh hey am I late to the party?” The real Remus flung himself over the back of the sofa- startling Patton, who’s lap was unfortunately the target of this horrible attack, “Hi other me! Where’s Janny?”

“I am Janus, you fool,” Janus said, pushing Remus’ legs off of him, Remus simply put them back.

“His shifting was on the fritz,” Virgil sighed, glaring at Remus, who stared at Janus with a look that could have been surprise.

“That hasn’t happened in forever though!” Remus said, swinging an arm.

“Woah- careful there, kiddo,” Patton said, narrowly dodging an elbow to the face.

“Sorry sweetcakes! Speaking of cake, I should make some! Cake always helps!” Remus grinned.

“Not when it’s your cake,” Roman muttered, Remus gasped, offended, and jumped up, Patton winced.

“My cake is the best around!” Remus yelled, turning around and slapping his own ass. Roman sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

“I meant literal cake and you knew that,” Roman said, still adamantly looking away. Remus just giggled.

“Cake… would be nice,” Janus said slowly, Remus cheered.

“See! Janny wants cake, so I should make cake,” Remus grinned, Roman deemed it safe to look back, and found Remus kneeling on the ground and giving Patton pleading eyes, “Pwease? I pwomise I won’t make a mess?”

Patton sighed, “Remember the rules?”

“No usually inedible ingredients, no explosions,” Remus counted off on his fingers, “I’m not allowed to use the entire pot of paprika… um.”

“No intentional messes, or science experiments,” Patton finished.

“Yeah that! Can I use the kitchen now?”

“Go ahead…” Patton said with a wistful sigh. He may as well say goodbye to the kitchen now.

—-

“I think I’ve figured it out,” Logan said, having reappeared about fifteen minutes later. Janus’ switching had calmed down from what it had been before. Though occasionally he would still switch between the other sides. In that time, Roman and Patton had switched sides so that Patton could keep a better eye on Remus in the kitchen. Virgil had remained with them as well, and was now wedged in between Roman and Janus. Roman thought he looked rather content, curled up against his side.

“Oh really? That’s great Lo!” Patton said, smiling happily, “What is it?”

“It seems to be connected to stress, so the condition may be elevated by stressful of anxiety enducing situations,” Logan said, looking at a notebook, “Have you observed something of the sorts?”

“Yeah I think so… It was worse when you were panicking, right Jan?” Roman asked, looking over at Janus.

“Yes…” Janus said, “Panicking made the switching worse or more- eugh- more frequent,”

“And a panic attack trapped you in one form until you calmed down a little,” Virgil added quietly, Janus managed to hide the flinch well, but Roman still noticed the slight jerk of his hand.

“That seems accurate to what I have found as well,” Logan nodded, scribbling something on his book, “I believe the best course of action would be to get some rest and avoid any situation that may cause negative emotions to take hold of you,”

“Thanks Logan!” Patton grinned, “Hey, since we’re already all here and comfy, how about we have a movie night?”

“Can we watch Disney?” Roman perked up, Patton chuckled.

“We’ll let Janus choose, ok kiddo?” Patton smiled, Roman sighed but nodded, it made sense. That didn’t mean he had to like it.

“Disney is fine,” Janus said with a small smile as his face flickered between Virgil and Patton’s, “Aladdin first,”

“Aladdin is a perfect choice!” Roman said, raising a fist with renewed vigour.

“Hey Logan, I hate to ask for another favour, but would you mind checking on Remus…?” Patton asked with a worried smile, “He insisted on making cake…”

Logan leveled Patton with an unimpressed look, “And you let him?”

“He said he’d follow the rules!” Patton protested, Logan let the tiniest hint of a smile slip onto his face.

“I shall check on the state of our kitchen,” Logan promised, “I will also check the freezer to see what ‘comfort foods’ we have, I will forgo insisting on a healthy choice in favour of comfort tonight.”

“You’re amazing Logan!” Patton called as thanks.

“Thank you Lo,” Virgil called.

“I shall create a more comfortable space for us to sit and watch the movies,” Roman said, wanting to contribute to the night of relaxation they were gearing up for.

“Thanks kiddo, that would be awesome,” Patton said, giving him a thumbs up.

“Can I have one of those fleecy blankets?” Janus asked quietly.

“Done!” Roman grinned, a folded blanket appearing in his arms, he quickly handed it to Janus, before conjuring a good seven more- so that everyone would have a blanket to snuggle under with more to spare. He conjoured the fluffiest pillows he could and laid them out so everyone could find a space to be comfortable.

“Onesies, anyone?” Roman asked, snapping his fingers to switch his regular outfit into his onesie. Patton gasped, clapping his hands in excitement, before switching his own clothes to his cat onesie. Virgil shrugged off his hoodie before willing his onesie to replace his clothes. He handed the hoodie to Janus, who wrapped it around his shoulders.

“A onesie may not mesh well with this constant shifting,” Janus sighed, “So Virgil’s hoodie will have to do,”

“Don’t you dare imply that my hoodie is second rate,” Virgil pouted, glaring at Janus, who smiled.

“Did I say that? I missed the part where I said that,”

“Asshole,” Virgil said, shoving Janus lightly, though there was a smile on his face.

“Now kiddo, theres no need for that kind of language,”

“Sorry Pat,” Virgil said, “But that language is always necessary when it comes to Jan,”

“Virgil!” Janus gasped, a hand to his chest, “I’m offended!”

“Shut up and get comfortable, doofas,” Virgil huffed, elbowing him in the side. Janus elbowed him back. Which led to a playful fight breaking out on the couch.

“You guys are going to ruin my pillow arrangement!” Roman whined as he dimmed the lamps so that- while they could still see- it was dark enough to comfortably watch a film. Patton laughed.

“It’s ok kiddo, they’ll probably get messed up anyway, don’t worry too much,” Patton smiled as Virgil attempted to suffocate Janus with a pillow, though both Patton and Roman could tell that Janus wasn’t actually suffering and they were both having fun, so simply decided to leave it be (with a comment from Patton about how violence wasn’t the answer of course).

“Remus’ cake is baking at the moment,” Logan informed the others after he had surveyed the place, Remus in tow, “I made sure to test it for toxins and/or other harmful substances before he put it in the oven, so I can assure you that it’s safe as of now. As for dinner, I’ll be able to put the pizza in the oven after the cake has finished baking, so we may as well start the film now, as it will be about 54 minutes until the food can be served.”

“Thanks Logan! Come sit down, both of you, Roman made the place all comfy!” Patton smiled. Logan nodded, calmly switching his clothes into his unicorn onesie (he had become much more comfortable wearing it around the others as time had passed) before sitting in one of the armchairs (instead of the sofa where everyone else was crowding) and covering himself neatly with a blanket.

Remus, in comparison, dove onto the sofa and wormed his way underneath the blankets. Ending up with his head in Patton’s lap and his feet in Roman’s, his body splayed over Virgil and Janus, effectively stopping them from continuing their fight.

“Can I-” Remus started, Logan cut him off.

“Onesie or decent pajamas,” Logan said, holding up a finger, “If you wish to watch the movie naked, you will have to go behind the sofa. That is the rule.”

Remus pouted, but switched into a tank top and sweatpants nonetheless, Once everyone had adjusted to Remus’ presence on top of them, Roman pressed play on the movie and the group settled into a comfortable night of movies and relaxation.

—-

When Janus woke up the next morning, he registered multiple feelings at once. First, he was himself again and didn’t feel any of the weird queasiness from constantly changing as he had been the night before, even the lingering nausea from the amount of truth-telling was managable. Next, Virgil was curled up at his side, fast asleep, and he himself was resting against Patton’s chest who had one arm wrapped around Janus in return. He was also still asleep, and Janus realised that- while he had an arm around Virgil, he was also hugging Patton. Remus was there as well, curled up against Patton’s other side, stealing the comfort of his other arm. Roman was sandwiching Virgil against his side, snuggling up against the anxious side and trapping him there. They were still all wrapped up in blankets and still on the couch from last night. Though Janus noticed that all of the plates and glasses had been cleared away and the coffee table wiped down. Logan was up then. This was only confirmed by the smell of toast and pancakes he noticed wafting from the kitchen.

He smiled softly, making no effort to move, as he marvelled in the sight of the others, sleeping soundly all together, with him in the middle. They all cared so much about eachother, him included, it really was amazing how far they’d come.

126 notes · View notes

starburstjuno · 2 years

Text

Dad!Eddie Headcanons

look!! i’m nothing if not eddie munson’s whore and being eddie munson’s whore involves A LOT of daydreaming of him as a dad. like a lot. this man would slay as a punk rock dad and i’ll hear nothing else ever.

warnings : pregnancy mentions, childbirth mentions, extreme self indulgence ahead

word count : 895

requests open | masterlist

when eddie first finds out you’re pregnant, he’s not even worried about himself and what this means for his future

he’s ALL about making sure you’re comfortable and happy (and safe, let’s be real)

he’ll never pressure you talk about it if you don’t want to, he’ll let you move in with him THAT DAY like he’s so accommodating

he also fully takes responsibility like hey i had a part in this, i’m gonna be here for the whole process no matter what it is

and when you finally come to the conclusion (together) that you’re gonna keep and raise the baby, he can’t even hide that he’s kinda excited like

yeah maybe he didn’t have a great childhood/great parents to look up to and follow, but he’d be lying if he said he never wanted kids

he always loved kids, kids always loved him, and he thought it would be kinda fun so the second you’re like yep i wanna keep it he’s onboard 100000% ready to go

it’s adorable just how much he does for you when you’re pregnant

even in the early stages, he insists on your keeping your feet up and never lifting a finger

of course one day he comes home and sees you literally folding clothes and nearly dies

“why are you doing so much? are you trying to overwork yourself? what about the baby?”

it’s time to have a discussion about eddie not being So Overdramatic about everything even tho yeah that’s kinda his thing

it takes some time but by the time the late stages of pregnancy come around, eddie’s calmed down and even has a little breathing thing he does to keep himself level

so imagine the way he freaks shit when your water breaks

there’s no one in that whole hospital pacing more than eddie munson

you’re all checked in, already set up in a room with nurses checking in and everything and my man is pacing the longest part of the room so fast

but the second you’re in pain he’s right there!

he literally refuses to leave your side no matter what, even when the nurses tell him that the father usually waits outside

thats not eddie’s gig tho. you’re hurting? he’s there.

and on top of that, it’s the birth of his child. of course he’s gonna be there

now, eddie would be a great dad no matter what, but let me tell you when i say that eddie munson is the PERFECT man to have a few little girls like,,,

princess stickers on his guitar, pink glitter nail polish before the show, plastic princess crowns for album cover shoots, everything

eddie 👏🏻 is 👏🏻 a 👏🏻 girl 👏🏻 dad 👏🏻 (ignoring how much i hate the term girl dad bye)

king rolls up in black ripped skinny jeans, old fucked up combat boots and a metal t-shirt to pick up his daughter from ballet class and she’s in all powder-pink and bows and shit

his daughter(s) love it when their dad plays his music in the car!!!!

toddler in a disney princess costume dress that she wears every day headbanging to metal in the back of her dads car on the way to kindergarten vibes

but also eddie is just so chill that he’d be down for whatever his kids wanted to do

wanna braid my hair? go ahead bud

wanna paint my nails? let me wash my hands first

want me to teach you to play guitar? your hands might be a little to small but fuck it we ball, let’s do it anyway

also!! coming out to dad!eddie?

bye he’s the type to just sip his beer and be like word, you wanna order pizza for dinner?

so unbothered because he knows absolutely nothing will ever make him stop loving his kid(s)

would absolutely go to pride events! would absolutely have more fun than his gay kid bc being a d&d nerd and metalhead he’s very familiar with campy ass bullshit

eddie mixes cool punk rocker dad with embarrassing “how do you do fellow kids” dad and he’s so right for that

like at first all of his kids friends think he’s so slay and edgy and cool like woah dude!! your dads in a band and plays d&d that’s kinda sick!!!

and then they meet him and he’s making puns and referencing memes in a way where he obviously half understands what he’s saying and half doesn’t understand but he’s saying it with his whole chest anyway

then half of his kids friends would be like your dad is so embarrassing i’m so sorry for you and the other half would basically just be dustin in season 4 where they are OBSESSED and IDOLIZE this man, and they absolutely shouldn’t because he’s a terrible role model he’s just trying really hard not to be

definitely brings up how he used to sell drugs in high school as if it made him way cooler before rushing to tell the kids not to sell drugs (never tells them not to do drugs tho)

i just!!!! i know eddie would be such a good dad like no matter what challenges his kids threw at them he would handle it in a very sloppy, probably funny, and extremely sincere way

he just loves his kids and that’s it!!!

thank you good night!!!

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson headcanons #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson imagines #stranger things x reader #stranger things x y/n #stranger things headcanons #stranger things imagine #stranger things imagines

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mothmans-rotund-asscheeks · 10 months

Text

I saw the barbie movie and cried.

Not because 'wow women c: , wow my mum' or a lot of the other, very valid reasons people have had.

I cried because i clearly am doing the woman thing wrong. How did i relate to not a single word, plot point etc. In the movie. I didnt get the men, i didnt get the women, i didnt get barbie land, i didnt get the real world.

The mum bit didnt get me, the feeling bit didnt get me.

The only bit was the billie eilish song at the end which sent me over the edge cuz all my head could think was 'what was i made for?'

Why tf am I here, why isnt my life experience not lining up, why is there a sum total of nothing. Why do i feel... nothing. Not pessimism, not optimism, not anger not joy.

Nothing

The big speech the mum did. I didnt get it. I know i wasnt raised in a particularly stereotyped household, my brother had a buggy, i had dinosaurs. I know i didnt have barbies, didnt watch disney, went to an all girls school. But i haven't been cat called, i haven't delt with men not treating me seriously... all genders and all people seem to always treat me equally as shit?

My headscarf maybe has fucked me over but i just... i didnt get it.

But im pretty sure its me, not the movie, i am just, kinda a falied human being... that's what I got from the barbie movie

Something went wrong in my life, i dont fit. I am a void. I sum total nothing. I am nothing. I dont exisit anywhere.

Maybe thatbis why in general i just... dont see myself in media.

I see belief systems i recognise, i see social interactions or little things that i recognise as having happened to me and thats relatable, but i have never once gone, omg its me.

I see hijabi, but beyond the hijab, I just dont get it.

Where am I supposed to go? What am I doing? Why am I such an anomaly, such a glitch.

#existentialism #barbie movie #mental health #crisis #idek #why tf am i here

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fruixtii · 11 months

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oh!! for the tag thing ali + the purple heart emoji rocks B)

SILVER SEEMS SO EEPY HEHEHSHS . but also What. lilia is.. the dad??.? rewind…..

what are the other. um. units ?. <- enstarrie

also where is twst available to play ?

SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER

but yes. silver is such an eepy boy. he will literally fall asleep anywhere. i like to say he has narcolepsy but since they’re in a world of magic it’s probably some kind of magic thing or curse or something. BUT YES HAHA LILIA IS HIS DAD. basically he’s a 700 year old fairy. and he used to be a war general but one day he found this human baby alone in the woods and decided to raise him…the details about that are probably going to come in the next story update. (I THINK THATS IN A FEW HOURS ACTUALLY??) he’s not canonically malleus and sebeks dad likr he is to silver but he’s still their father figure so i like to call him their dad too ^_^ even though sebek does have an actual dad. (malleus doesn’t so lilia was quite literally the only father figure in his life. lilia has been with malleus since mal was born)

and fdhjdkdl they’re not idols so there are no units but they do have dorms since they’re in a highschool!! the dorms are each based on disney villains.

queen of hearts -> heartslabyul

scar -> savanaclaw

ursula -> octavinelle

jafar -> scarabia

evil queen -> pomefiore

(sorry my best photo of them is their halloween outfits fdjdjddk)

hades -> ignihyde

and the one i talked about in the first ask is diasomnia! (based off of maleficent)

im not sure if you’re talking about where to download it or what countries it’s available in but it is region locked. im not sure to where but i know it’s available in north america and japan of course. for me i got it on the appstore. idk you’ll have to look into it probably. i just found the game accidentally when i was bored, fell into the rabbit hole and never came back.

#did you see. did you see what i did there #with the rabbit hole pun. cause it’s twisted wonderland.#and you get isekaied there #asks #twst posting #ali 💜

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papirouge · 1 year

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Ugh, believe me, i was also cringing at many of the comments on those threads. Supposedly, theres this trend of redhead characters being changed to being black, like Annie, Starfire, Mary Jane, or April from the ninja turtles.

Oh, and speaking of such, they were also whining because april is gonna be black in a new TMNT movie... She already was in the newest cartoon, but they wanted her to go back to being white. Also, whining about her being fat and unattractive. We're talking about a kid here, since shes younger in this incarnation, so why even care if shes hot 😭 I bet half these dudes dont even care about TMNT... To be fair, the TMNT fans did raise some hell when shredder was gonna be white in a movie, since hes originally japanese, but i doubt they're even the same ppl.

The little mermaid thing is just very sad. I feel specially bad for the actress, specially after finding out shes just 19! I hope shes just ignoring the comments, because some people can be really cruel. Even some latinos were against the decision - i think theyre quite divided, but many were making racist memes and all. I guess we cant always relay in 'poc solidarity' or whatever.

Another good point you raise is how the japanese and many other east asian countries don't care about the white race or sees them as equal (once a friend of mine actually got targeted when she went to Korea). Also, I remember reading somewhere that the japanese public liked the appearence of younger white people, basically pre-puberty, but disliked the adults, specially the men as they lose the 'soft features' from infancy.

And youre right, i really shouldnt be visiting these places: they only make me sad or angry. I dont know why sometimes i cant help but hateread those threads. When people are behind a screen, they really can spew the most vile shit thats on their minds. Like they always say, just dont read the comment section...

As I already said: every single person remotely bothered by the skin color, sexual orientation, gender or attractiveness of FICTIONAL CHARACTERS is way too old to watch/play whatever show or video game they are from. Period.

That being said, I think there's a psyop of Black characters being shoved into random thing to get White simpletons mad and seethe about White erasure. Of course, they'll never bother looking into WHO produce those show or pick these Black artists to be featured in them..... Whites need to sort between each other their obsession to use POC as props for their agendas.

Black people never bothered about The Little Mermaid or TMNT like that....sure, this (positive) representation is great and that's why the community got hyped (and let's be honest, seeing some Whites seething fueled even more fire bc one thing we Black ppl be good at is being petty lol) but to act like Black people/wokistan are actively trying to erase White people, heterosexuality, masculinity or whatever is ridiculous. Again: they have to go after the higher-ups responsible of those casting choice (not Twitter randos) - and chances are they arent Black, non-straight or female¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Taking a peep at top companies CEO entirely debunks the oppression complex narrative of antiwoke acting like the statuquo was under attack.... It's not. They just want to play the victim - while pretending to fight wokistan victim culture 🙄

Halle is perfect to play a mermaid. She had those slightly alienish features (her eyes are quite far apart lo') but still conventionally pretty. I can hardly think of any actress having the same energy. Maybe Ana Taylor Joy, but she's now botched and is an anachan which may sparks controversy if she ever gets casted in a Disney production....

And I'm absolutely not surprised to see Latinos hating lmao Latinos are huuuuge negrophobe and I'm side eyeing them so bad whenever they try to leverage their non Whiteness calling White "gringos" when they are themselves pale and are descendants of European colonizers in south America 💀 I mean look Argentinians priding themselves "not looking like a Disney movie" (= not visible Blacks in their population).....those people Looooove aligning themselves with White whenever it comes to diss Black people. Therefore Black people are extremely distrustful of Latinos anyway ; we see how they treat they darkskined citizens

POC solidarity is a myth. Unmelanated non-Whites hate actual people of COLOR, and all races look down on Black Africans...That's why I'm foremost defending MY people.

Yeah, there's this misconception of thinking that bc they dye their hair blonde and wear color contact, East Asian want to 'look White'. i think they definitely fancy the diversity of White ppl's phenotype such as the eye and hair color, but for pretty much all the rest, they cater to their own specific beauty standards (especially when it comes to bone structure and face proportion). White people tend to favor sharper bone structure while Asian are all about rounder and softer ones. I don't think Asians look up White people face structure (that make them look older and faster). This contrast was really striking with Kotakoti stunts in japanese magazines where she looked so out of place : despite her dolly blonde hair and blue eyes, she still had those strong adult Westerner features which were so different from her japanese pals' 🥴 (more soft and rounder)

East Asian beauty culture is hysterical though, and even though Asian men have softer features than Western men, their obsession with 'softness' compels them to look more soft than they naturally are. Ultimately men regardless of their race are men ; if Asian men were naturally looking like soft potatoes they wouldn't need to resort to all these procedures to look like that🥴 Men with square jawline botching themselves to have egg face shape is a crime against humanity btw. (square jawline are beautiful on both sex imo♥️)

And the internet isn't a safe space for Black women. There was a stat showing that Black women were more at risk of online harassment compared to any other demographics..... Social medias (especially Twitter) literally feed off your anger (for engagement), so thread lightly. That's why Tumblr is my favorite social media ; it's mostly an image board, and my dash is only curated with what I choose to see.

#answered

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farieshades · 2 years

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You know what time it is.

What would you change about Merlin?

There is alot that could be further expanded on and/or changed within the series BBC Merlin shows. What I think would be most beneficial, would be expanding on the Characters, Changes to the plot and character arcs, along with an addition to what we know as "Old Religion" as it's quite vague and unclear from the little we have from the show.

The Characters

Leon, angel, nothing.

Percival, give me backstory. I want more info.

Elyan, also backstory. Why did he leave? I want all the info. I also want you not dead sir.

Morgause, what was the point in the duel? Was it to try and convince Arthur that his father was a bastard with his mothers spirit? If so, was Ygraine’s spirit actually just an illusion made to look real, likely not. Morgause looked confused at what Ygraine was saying and shocked and no one was paying attention to her but the camera. She wanted to see if he was an honourable man unlike his father? Do-able I suppose. Suspicious activities happening here. Also, self-sacrifice to unleash mortal-killing spirits is very manslaughter of her.

Elaine, for the love,,, please I would have loved to have her included as Elaine of Garlot. Let her be another half-sister of Arthur and later go on to be a marriage alliance with her marriage to King Nentres of Garlot. Let her have a son named Galeschin, who becomes a Knight of the Round Table [and a daughter also named Elaine]. It would just be a nice dynamic of Angry Half-Sister Morgana and Helpful Half-Sister Elaine.

Gwen… She required more screen time, let us see her being Queen and making decisions. On that note however, let us see Arthur as King rather than the focus on his childhood when he wasn’t King. It’s the Story of King Arthur and we only get one season with him as King? Let me have Queen Gwen outwitting Kings in strategy that she learned from Leon and Arthur. Let me have Queen Gwen who is powerful in her own right, set in her decisions, but never loosing the gentleness she has in season 1.

Arthur, as above, should have had time to actually rule. Like, ok, reign cut short cause Camlann. Yeah, alright, thats typical. But all the adventures he has as a King never happen. There’s nothing being added to Camelot that the audience sees. There’s no treaties, no alliances, and there’s no Kings bowing to Arthur as a High King. Disappointing.

Merlin, somehow despite the set up as the most powerful Warlock, is also the weakest version of Merlin that we also see. I’m pretty sure Disney’s Sword in the Stone Merlin has more power than this fellow despite BBC Merlin having more power in his pinky than the Disney Merlin. Merlin is supposed to be the enchanter. The prophet. The shapeshifter. And we get none of that. This boy is dangerous, and untrained, and should have had more emphasis on this. The writers nuked his power.

Lancelot is doing great, we love lancelot. I’d love to have him a bit more intune with Magic because he was supposedly raised by the lady of the lake, but BBC decided he wasn’t and that’s an okay decision. I’d also like, because the show stressed it so much, more interactions with Merlin + Druids.

Gwaine I’d have loved to have been confronted by his noble past somehow. I think it would give more to the character development if we see where he came from. Hell, a flashback scene would work. Little Gwaine running away from home. Or maybe, visitations to Camelot and the like.

Gaius, as much as I hate to say, should have died season 2-3. Before Uther did in my head. Its the change of a regime. The old dying out and the younger generation taking their place. Gaius and Merlin basically share the role that is, in lore, “Merlin”, the old wise mentor for Arthur and the helpful aide that protects him. But, in killing him off, there is a chance for Merlin to blossom as a court Physician. He’d have a seat on the council, and while this would restrict his movements as Manservant, he could easily take on an apprentice (you know a young impressionable boy who needs some Guidance deagle) and follow Arthur on his quests while the apprentice would tend to the folk of Camelot. There, theoretically, should be another (or more) physician within Camelot. One for the nobility, and a handful for peasantry and then a couple of Midwives. From what the show gives us, it feels like Gaius is the sole physician in the bloody kingdom. Which… if healing looks like magic, might be the case horrifically.

Morgana’s story is tragic, but flat. I do love the Evil Morgana route that is taken, but there is a disconnect between Season 1-2 and 3+ in her behaviour. She is strikingly darker, more unhinged as the series progresses. Whether this is bad writing, paranoia, or enchantments, no idea, but it could be written better. Given more time for the change to become apparent for the audience then “Morgana’s back from a year away and now she smirks evily when no one but Merlin can see.”

Mordred has an interesting dynamic in the show, he vanishes out of existence after the Alvarr episode until season 5. I’d have liked to have him as a recurring character even if it's just a mentioned name somewhere.

Uther’s character is weird because he very quickly blames everything on Magic, even when it has a very logical explanation. “Sorcerers broke into my wards room, that’s why the glass shattered outwards into the courtyard.” is very easily explained by literally anyone breaking a glass window outwardly, no magic needed. But again, changes could be done with how quickly things are forgotten. One episode he’s talking about a guardian power watching Arthur, the next he’s trying to kill someone for protecting their loved one with healing magic, you know?

Ygraine - from the little we’ve seen - is an alright character. She could have more life given in flashbacks, something Gaius, Geoffrey, Balinor, or Uther could have done that related to something present.

For Vivienne I’d love to know more about Morgause’s birth and how she smuggled her out to Nimueh (or another high priestess but theres only ever reference to Nimueh, then theoretically Morgause who taught Morgana who was the last). Personally I like the thought that they were siblings, as it can be seen that Morgause is a powerful sorcerer and with two children with such magic, Vivienne is a strong contender for also being magic.

Gorlois is the most boring character and I know nothing about him outside of him living, presumably, in Cornwall. Tell me more about yourself sir. I want all the knowledge.

Balinor I’d love to see more of then “Hey, hello, I’m your son and need help and oops your dead ffs.” He had the potential to be a strong ally and a mentor to Merlin, a possible foil to Gaius and, hells, a mentor to Arthur in teaching him that magic isn’t all evil as Merlin’s obviously not doing that job.

Hunith should have more screen time, but more so, I’d love to see Merlin’s childhood stuff with Hunith just shrugging her shoulders at the impossible magic acts like “yep thats totally normal.”

The Plot of Merlin itself is fine, not much would need to change, however, there were a few times when things just don’t make sense. For example, the cup of life nonsense (alright Holy Grail knock off) didn’t make much sense for the plot. We would have been fine without it. Aithusa’s plotline works only when following the prophecies about the Red and White dragon fight that… didn’t actually happen anyway.

[Which the prophecy in question is related to Vortigern and stated “The pool is the emblem of this world, and the tent that of your kingdom: the two serpents are two dragons; the red serpent is your dragon, but the white serpent is the dragon of the people who occupy several provinces and districts of Britain, even almost from sea to sea: at length, however, our people shall rise and drive away the Saxon race from beyond the sea, whence they originally came; but do you depart from this place, where you are not permitted to erect a citadel; I, to whom fate has allotted this mansion, shall remain here; whilst to you it is incumbent to seek other provinces, where you may build a fortress.” Which really,,, doesn’t fit the show’s battle of Camlann when Aithusa was there as the white dragon]

The Reversal of character arcs that happen is very annoying. Each episode acted like everyone was a blank slate to learn the next lesson but built on it with nothing that they remembered from the previous. If it were changed to the characters actually remembering what they learned before, the series might have had less deaths and less trust issues and betrayals.

Religion in Merlin is really confusing. Theoretically, Uther is a Christian King following the “New Religion” (that is never actually mentioned) while the “Old Religion” is that of what was before. Which, in the UK at the theoretical time, was both Celtic and Roman due to Roman occupation of most of the area barring most of scotland. The show wasn’t about Religion, really, but touching on the subject would have been nice, and maybe telling us as an audience why. ‘Lore’ wise Arthur would have likely been a Christian King (written by christian authors undoubtedly do not help this) but with tolerance to Pagan/Heathen ideas. At the very least, Arthur was nominally Christian – according to the Historia Brittonum he bore an image of the Blessed Virgin Mary on his shoulders in one of his battles, while according to the Annales Cambriae he bore the Cross of Jesus Christ on his shoulders or his shield (translation errors from Welsh to Latin).

#the adventures of merlin #merlin emrys #bbc merlin #old religion #king arthur #knights of the round table #arthur pendragon #analysis

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strawberryscorp · 1 year

Text

thanks for the tag @ace-aussie-asshole <33

hanks for tagging me @ace-aussie-asshole 🫶

Are you named after anyone?

no, but my full name is actually really pretty. its really uncommon as well, and i let a lot of compliments on it. i wish this wasnt the internet because if i could i would brag about my name all the time haha

When was the last time you cried?

just now, actually. i had my first therapy session ever and it was kinda scary, but my therapist was really kind and we didnt get into anything super triggering yet. she also had a squishmallow frog on her couch that i held the whole time, but there was a dino one on her desk and maybe next time i’ll ask if i can hold that one instead. i really like dinosaurs.

Do you have any kids?

nope, and i dont plan to. i dont think i could handle the pressure of raising a literal human being without fucking them up. i think i’ll just stick to babysitting instead

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

yes haha, but almost always in a joking setting. i try not to ever be sarcastic in a way that sounds rude, yk? i am very good at picking up sarcasm, however, and its really funny when i do. a lot of people seem mean and sarcastic when theyre actually just being funny and its a beautiful realization when that sinks in

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

their facial expressions. i notice the way their face moves, and how they react to stuff. its jsut interesting for me.

What’s your eye colour?

deeep deep brown (the best color). they look almost black. someone told me that when i look in the sun i get little sparkles and my eyes look like the night sky, and thats stuck with me for a while.

Scary movies or happy endings?

well, im weak and i physically cannot watch anything scary. i dont think ive watched a movie that doesnt have a happy ending, if im gonna be honest. as you mightve guessed, disney movies are my favorite.

Any special talents?

i can hoola-hoop really well. my record is four at a time

Where were you born?

the usa (WHAT THE 🦅 IS A KILOMETERR)

What are your hobbies?

reading, writing, listening to music, drawing. id like to get into crochet.

Do you have any pets?

no, but i want one so damn bad. i really love dogs, but the neighborhood where me and my family live doesnt allow them.

What sports do you play/have you played?

i used to play soccer. by play i mean i would pick flowers and stare at the clouds. but i had fun, and thats all that matters.

How tall are you?

not gonna lie i have no idea. im like, slightly less than medium height? lmao i dont really know

Favourite subject at school?

maths, i know i know im a nerd. im just really good at it right now, and a lot of my friends come to me instead of the teacher when they need something explained which brings me so much joy.

Dream job?

honestly? a youtuber or content creator. slightly more realistically, an artist. or someone that works with animals. im pretty open to a lot of careers

@caramelapplesauce

im not sure who else to tag so moots and followers feel free to do this too <33

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trauma-genic · 1 year

Text

man we havent dont a life update on us here in a phat minute but hoo boy things are good

so job has be doing good, been there since nov 2021 and ive gotten a $1 raise which puts me $2 away from $20/hour. and one of our supervisors may be moving up in the company meaning there will be an open spot for promotion in my department. out of everyone there, we may not have been there the longest but we have made the most progress with our online training levels (i believe we are 3 levels away from being managerial material so to speak)

im just not sure how this will effect our relationship with our man, he has been consistently closing his store (as a manager) so he works 10 hours from 4pm to 2 am and thats not accounting for travel time. so he gets home at three am and i have to wake up at seven am, so by the time im getting up in the morning hes only gotten 2-3 hours of sleep and we are only geting one day off a week that happens to be the same day he gets off but other than that thw job is good.

working with our hands has made us realized how rough they are considering before we had nice cut nails and trimmed cuticles, no calluses or injuries. now my hands look like weve been getting into fist fights lol

on another note, our man somehow managed to get us disneyland passes so our lil one has rediscovered disney pins and lets just say we are glad we get paid $18/hour right now.... we have to get a picture to show because its honestly an impressive collection so far, noahs completed one villians set and is almost done with the coffee cup set, mystery pets set, and the fantasy pack set 😁

our man says we should slow down on how many we buy while going which we completely agree with, but having disposable income for the first time in our life, it feels nice to splurge on ourself every so often.

life is good right now and feels like its going to be this good for a long while, and its nice. no fear no anxiety no paranoia or distrust, just happy. content. full and warm and cozy andjust amazing.

thank you to every single one of you guys up in my head for keeping us alive for so long because now we are actually getting to live and love and be loved, and just enjoying life and where its going to take me. 😌

#personal #idk brain rant while high lol

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chatonnoir · 2 years

Note

People cheering their Senti theory is confirmed. What do you have in mind about it?

Haha I knew someone would eventually ask me about it since I never really share my opinion on it

I really hated it early in the season, especially because of how people were acting after Wishmaker. Like, a lot of people saw Adrien say he wanted to be what his parents wanted him to be/didn't have any dreams of his own, and their response was a bunch of posts being like "OMG!!!! HE DOESNT HAVE ANY DREAMS!!!! THATS NOT NORMAL!!!!! SENTIMONSTER CONFIRMED!!!!!!" (yes I saw people talking exactly like this and saying things about how its 'not normal') and it was insanely insensitive and obnoxious. Things that were very obvious signs of abuse that a lot of us abused kids related to were turned in to "oBviOuS sIGnS hE's nOt HuMaN!!!1!1!!!1!" by the fandom. Truth be told, the fandom's behavior regarding things that "confirmed" the theory was far more upsetting to me than the idea of the theory becoming canon. I also personally felt like Adrien turning on Gabriel would be more impactful if Gabriel is Adrien’s biological father. Going against your birth parent(s) is immensely difficult to do when you’ve been conditioned to be submissive to them, especially because they often use the fact that you’re “blood” to manipulate you in to being loyal. That's not to say adoptive/non-blood related relatives can't be abusive and that going against them is any less difficult, of course. It's just coming from my perspective as an Asian person, since for us, filial piety and loyalty to our families is instilled in us from birth, and often used to manipulate us in abusive situations. The theory also just felt excessive to me. By which I mean, on top of Adrien already having a dead mother and a villain for a father, adding him having to find out he's a magical being who can be thanos snapped from existence felt like his story was crossing over from angst to just straight up tragedy porn.

On the other hand though, as time has passed and I’ve given it more thought, I don't think it's as unnecessary a plot development as a lot of the people opposed to it believe it is. I've seen people say that ML doesn't need to use metaphors/symbols for abuse when they've already been depicting an abused child from the start and that adding the magical element simply waters down/detracts from the abuse story, but I'm not sure I agree with that. You know I specifically like to talk about the differences between the English script and the French script, and the trend I've pointed out repeatedly is that American networks seem a lot more strict about what they deem "appropriate" for children's shows, resulting in the English script significantly toning down/softening/censoring things that were particularly romantic or emotionally heavy in the French script. I've also talked about how Astruc had originally wanted ML to be a show for teens, but ended up making it a children's show instead for economic/marketing reasons, while still trying to make ML a show that tackles more mature/heavy themes and that can be enjoyed by all ages. Those two things are, in fact, relevant here.

There’s a lot of things kids' media, especially kids' media that is affiliated with The Disney Corporation, can’t show without being blocked by executives or forced to raise the rating etc. Magical “loopholes” like Sentis let them get away with showing things more blatantly than they usually would and allow them to delve in to "darker" themes they otherwise wouldn’t be able to tackle, like explicit abuse/trauma and death (think of how Disney villains usually have to die offscreen by falling to their doom/being engulfed in flames/turning to dust/etc.) You may be thinking, “but darker things like death and physical abuse were shown by other Y-7 rated cartoons like Avatar: The Last Airbender!”, but remember that ATLA aired on Nickelodeon, not Disney. Nickelodeon has always been a lot more lax than Disney when it comes to what is “appropriate” for kids (and even then, ATLA always had to have those things happen offscreen). Did you ever notice how ML Season 1 was significantly more risqué than the later seasons, between Chat Noir flirting with Ladybug by saying he “looks hot in a swimsuit,” Ladybug implying that she’d like to see Adrien without his clothes on, and Ladybug being pinned to the ground with Chat Noir on top of her while they kissed? Did you also know that ML Season 1 originally aired on Nickelodeon in the US, after which the rights to the show were acquired by Disney? TOTAL coincidence that these teens got significantly less thirsty after the network switch /s

They've already been using magic as a loophole to push the boundaries like this, like all the times characters have "died"/disappeared, and when they actually showed Chat Noir accidentally “kill” someone onscreen (Aeon), and when they were literally able to show one of their leads eradicating all life on earth. They could get away with all of that because they have Ladybug’s Reset Button and because they kept it vague/magical enough to be able to defend that “they didn’t die they just disappeared/short-circuited/got turned in to statues/etc.!!!!“ (they absolutely did die). They can have Émilie's corpse on display in the basement because they never outright say she's "dead" and leave it vague enough that they can convince children and/or network executives that she's in a Snow White-esque endless sleep caused by magic. Characters being Sentis opens new doors for them in terms of storytelling which lets the writers bypass the limitations of being a children’s show. They can more blatantly depict Adrien being terrified of and submissive to his father without being censored/forced to tone it down because they can defend it with “no it’s not actually too dark/heavy for a children’s show, we’re not blatantly showing a child who has been traumatized and beaten in to submission! Its just because of his father's magical control! Perfectly appropriate for a children’s show! :)”

And that reasoning makes even more sense when you consider the way pretty minor/inoffensive things already get censored in the show. Chat Noir simply saying “I thought I’d lost you” was inexplicably turned in to “that was a wild ride” in the English dub of Animan??? Because apparently even having one of the leads get emotional while admitting that they thought their partner died was too much? They have a lot of constraints to work around when writing a show which is rated for ages 5+, is affiliated with Disney, and has a runtime of ~20 minutes per episode, and I don’t think enough people take those facts in to consideration when they criticize the show. Plenty of people have already made a lot of good points about how it could be beneficial for children who are victims of abuse (check out @gentil-minou's posts on it) so I won't get in to that. I just wanted to talk about this specific aspect since I haven't seen anyone taking it in to consideration in their criticism. Also, the people who are opposed to it really need to stop acting like there is one correct way to represent child abuse and that there aren't child abuse victims who actually find comfort in/relate to SentiAdrien.

My feelings are mixed and I'm waiting to see where they go with it instead of casting judgement before they've even had a chance to tell the story, but I don't hate it and I definitely don't believe it's the unnecessary plot development that the people opposed to it say it is.

#ml spoilers #risk spoilers #sentiadrien #answers #sadly theres no magical loophole to let Ladybug be thirsty again

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satoruvt · 3 years

Text

words you never could say

...and i’m torn apart.

pairing → lee seokmin x reader, some kim mingyu x reader, and also seokmin x oc for a hot minute

word count → 10956

genre → fluff, a lil angst, high school au (only for a sec), college au, slice of life ↳ tags: man aight. love rosie au without the kid (right person wrong time kinda deal), childhood friends to lovers, i was writing this whole thing like “poor mingyu”, pushing the seokmin theater major agenda, mc does not know how to handle anything ever, PROM?!?!, airport moments (tm), unusual amounts of “hi”s and “hey”s, pov you are in love with lee seokmin, seokmin has a disney+ account, Oh My God I’m In Love moments (tm), PINING, when u and ur best friend are in love with each other but too stupid to do anything about it, pain but only for a second, mingyu is trying but it is not working, oh to hold seokmin’s hand...

synopsis → the timing is just never right, is it?

warnings → i think theres some swearing, mc drinks one time, little mentions of anxiety here and there, uhh i think thats it <3

a/n → @seokmingiggles LANNIE!!!!!!! omg when i got u for this exchange event i was so excited <3 i’d like to personally apologize for the length of this LMAO i really didn’t mean for it to get this long but.... here we are 🤡HAHAHA i knew immediately that i wanted to do something special for u and i’ve had this idea locked away in my wips for a while and i thought it’d be perfect. u are the coolest and i love seeing u on my dash. pls enjoy this, seokmin loves u lots <333

for @ficscafe fic exchange event!

the title comes from epitaph by hippo campus, which is included on a cute playlist i made for this fic <3

sixteen.

“I had a dream last night,” Seokmin tells you.

You hum and open your eyes just enough to look over at him, resting on your elbows in the grass. He’s lying down fully, face dotted with the harsh light of the summer’s afternoon sun. You were supposed to have a picnic today, but it really just ended up being too-expensive ice cream and sitting under one of the only trees in the park because it’s so hot. “What was it about?” You ask.

Seokmin looks back at you, moves so one of his arms supports his head. “Ah, really,” he starts. The tips of his ears are red; from the sun or from something else, you’re not sure. “About you, honestly.”

“Oh, I’m honored,” you respond. Seokmin giggles and you laugh with him, ask him why the dream was about you, what you were doing. It doesn’t really surprise you that he dreamed about you - you’ve been friends for years, it’d be weird if the two of you never dreamt about each other.

“It was so weird,” he says with an equally weird face, and you raise an eyebrow at him. “We were in this field or something, and you were, like, miles away from me, but I could still see you clearly. We were facing each other even when we were so far away, and you had an apple on your head.”

Seokmin sits up as you give him a confused look and he holds his hand up as if to tell you to wait, it gets weirder.

“Suddenly I have a bow and arrow in my hand. And I take the arrow and I shoot it at you, at the apple. It’s a clear shot,” he holds his arm completely straight in front of him, finger pointing at you. “I know I’m gonna hit it, even when you’re so far away. But then this entire forest just emerges from the ground, and then I’m thinking I won’t hit you at all. I won’t even come close.”

You do a poor job at hiding the amused smile on your face when Seokmin’s so serious about this. “Okay,” you say, a sign of moderate encouragement. His eyes are bright when he looks at you.

“But I just know that I hit you,” he says.

“Dream logic,” you add thoughtfully.

“Yes.” He leans back on one of his hands, the other shielding his eyes from a line of sun that breaks through the leaves. “The arrow swerves through all the trees, dodges everything, somehow, and hits the apple. And then it’s like I blink and we’re not so far apart anymore, we’re standing right in front of each other.”

A couple of kids running after a frisbee laugh and you wonder if Seokmin’s dream happened here. The park’s certainly large enough. If you think about it, you can almost picture the two of you on opposite sides.

“You’ve got the apple in your hands, you’re getting the juice all over the place, but then I look at you, and you smile at me. And then I woke up.”

There’s a second of barely-quiet, a breeze rustling the leaves of the tree and cooling you for just a moment. You nod like you’re thinking, considering his dream, and then say, “yeah, dream you was definitely trying to kill me.”

“Hey! We don’t know that!”

“Oh, come on! You shot the arrow at me, you hit the apple by luck, and the reason I was smiling at the end was because I was still alive!”

Seokmin grumbles before ripping out a handful of grass from the ground and throwing it at you, laughing together as you fall to the ground dramatically, clutching your shirt where blades of grass linger.

If the dream has any meaning, you don’t remember it.

eighteen.

High school comes and goes and before long it’s the end of your senior year, a world you’re still unfamiliar with waiting for you. It makes you a little emotional, felt in your chest and through the late-spring breeze, like your heart knows everything you consider familiar will soon become a fond memory.

You and Seokmin have had to same plan for years.

“Weird to think that in a year we’ll be finishing our first year of college,” he says one day during a free period. You’re both sitting outside, enjoying a post-lunch snack of boba tea and muffins from your favorite restaurant (courtesy of you having your driver’s license and Seokmin offering to pay). You nod, taking a sip of your drink.

“In a different country,” you add.

And, well. Neither of you have received your acceptance letters yet, but Seokmin is Seokmin, and you’re not worried about him. Any performing arts college would be lucky to have him, even if it happens to be half a world away. You know he’ll get in, it’s just a matter of time. You applied for a general college in the same city - a little easier for you, but still with him. The two of you had gathered up in his room months ago to fill out your separate applications and send them at the same time like it might make a difference.

Seokmin says, “crazy.”

You say, “yeah.”

The conversation drifts into plans for the upcoming end-of-the-year dance, which you expect to be the usual. Go with Seokmin, actually be at the event for no more than an hour, head back to either your or Seokmin’s house to spend the night watching movies and trying not to make too much noise laughing when he inevitably does something stupidly funny.

You expect things to be easy. Familiar like always before things start to really change.

Evidently, the change you’re nervous about hits a little earlier than you expected.

Seokmin gets asked to prom by a girl in your grade, someone named Sarai. She’s pretty and sweet and talked to Seokmin enough for him to say yes (although he checks with you about it first, which, however sweet, seems a little unnecessary). You’re not upset - it’s not as if you can’t still hang out with him at the dance. Your after-prom plans with him still stand, and you remind him of such. Plus, you’re excited to tease him just a little bit about his first real date to anything. And once Seokmin’s found a date, the universe shifts just a little bit more when Mingyu asks you to the dance.

(You’re surprised, but you say yes, because you’ve been partnered with him enough in class projects to know he’ll make sure you have a good time. He’s sweet and funny and laughs when Seokmin threatens him about what’ll happen if he treats you badly. The “threats” are half-assed and Seokmin apologizes for them later.)

And then the universe does a total 180 when you receive a letter in the mail from the college you applied to months ago and it starts with the words we regret to inform you like it really matters to them at all. On prom day, too.

It kills your mood, for sure, but you don’t exactly have much time to worry about it… it’ll just make Seokmin upset, too. You’ll tell him later. Tonight will be good, you’ll deal with it all later. You get ready for the dance a little lackluster, but it’s okay.

Soon enough Mingyu’s picking you up from your house, slipping a corsage onto your wrist and smiling through your family’s unavoidable need for pictures. He cracks jokes on the way to the school and you laugh at them but you know he can tell something’s up. He doesn’t say anything about it.

Once you actually get into the dance and meet up with Seokmin and Sarai, you do forget about things for a while. You spend time cringing at the music playing a little too loud over the speakers, laughing at Seokmin and Mingyu having what can barely be considered a dance battle. It’s easy to get swept up in the moment, and you’re thankful for the distraction.

After you waste your energy on the dance battle (you were brought in against your will, but you still won by a landslide) you tell the group that you’re a little overheated and going to cool off outside. You seat yourself on the steps outside of the gym, take in a deep breath of outside air.

And it… hits, a little, right then. That you’re not leaving with Seokmin. He got his acceptance letter a few days ago, and he’s leaving, and you should have applied to other schools, but application fees are expensive and you really just thought that you’d get in. You thought things would work out okay.

You sniff when the door behind you opens and shuts, music loud and then quiet, wiping what little tears escaped away. Mingyu sits down next to you too fast for him not to know what you’re trying to do, so you give up easily. A second of quiet passes, filled with crickets and the ruffling of your clothes as you move idly.

“Sorry,” you end up saying, voice small. In your peripheral vision, you see Mingyu tilt his head to look at you, and when you look back at him, he’s got a small pout on his face.

“For what?” He asks in response, leaning back on his hands. “You’ve had a bad day. Just ‘cause it’s prom doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel bad.”

Something in his voice makes you want to cry, but you let out a sigh in hopes you can hold off the tears for a little bit longer. “It’s just,” you breathe, feelings your voice shake. “I didn’t get into the college I was supposed to, and Seokmin did, and he’s looking dorms and apartments so far away, and I… I’m not going with him. He’ll be there alone.”

Mingyu hums. “Have you told him yet?”

“No.”

“Are you going to?”

The answer to that question should be an automatic yes. Even you know that much. You say, “I don’t know.”

Mingyu nods and it surprises you. “I think you should,” he says.

You run your hands over your arms. You know he’s right - he doesn’t even have to explain why he thinks it’s a good idea - but still, you…

“I don’t want to have to tell him that we have to do this all separately,” you murmur. “We had a plan. I really wanted it to work.”

Mingyu rubs a gentle hand over your back, and the warmth of his palm provides more comfort than these kinds of things usually do. He’s smiling at you when you look over at him, something soft and understanding. “It’ll be rough to be apart from him, but there’s nothing you can do about it now. And sending him off without telling him’ll only be worse in the long run.”

It still makes you nervous. You don’t want to have to take such a big step without Seokmin, and you don’t want him to have to take such a big step without you, either. All of this change is scary as is, and to do it without the one person you’ve counted on for years… well. You know you’ll still have each other, even through timezones and cultures, but it’s not the same as physically being with him.

You blink away fresh tears as you look at Mingyu, watching him come in and out of focus while you try to get your vision back to normal. He waits, patient, fingers rubbing patterns into the space between your shoulder blades, and you think, briefly, that maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to like him. You lean closer to him so your head rests on his shoulder and he lets you, his hand moving from your back to over your shoulder as you do. “Thank you,” you tell him. “Sorry for being a bad date.”

Mingyu shrugs gently like he’s trying not to jostle you around too much. “You can make it up to me by buying me lunch one of these days.”

Despite what Mingyu said on prom night, you don’t tell Seokmin.

Graduation comes and goes, as does the summer. Seokmin asks about your acceptance letter and your answers range from “maybe they’re behind” to “I wonder if I gave them the wrong address” and he accepts them. You spend the months melted into ice cream and at low-light bonfires, in pillow forts at Seokmin’s and LED-lit movie nights at your place. You visit Mingyu on his breaks at work and look for your own job.

(Seokmin asks why you’re looking for work when you’ll just be gone soon, and you tell him a temp job’s money can pay for textbooks.)

It’s a good summer, even if it feels like you’re plagued by a shadow for most of it. You try not to let it get to you (some days you wonder how you manage it).

Eventually, however… it’s time for Seokmin to leave.

By this point you’ve given up on stalling, and you’ve told him that you’ve received your acceptance letter, you’re just staying behind for a while to tie up some loose ends and make sure everything’s in order. You’re at the boarding gate with him, waiting for his flight to be called.

“So,” he starts, shuffling his carryon bag between his hands. “I’ll see you in a few weeks?”

“Yeah,” you answer, hoping that he can’t hear the lie in your voice. “A few weeks. I’ll text you when I’m done with everything.”

Seokmin pulls you into a hug and you hold onto him for dear life, because whether you’re coming or not, it’ll be a while before you see him again. You’re a little comforted by the fact that he seems reluctant to go, too, his face buried in your neck. You think you hear him sniff and it’s almost comical.

When you pull away from the embrace, you don’t distance yourself, keeping your forehead against his. You refuse to open your eyes, a little too afraid of what you will or won’t see, a little too caught up in all this moment might mean to you, in all that Seokmin means to you. His breath dances over your lips and you lean into it, a hint of something in uncharted territory. A new feeling, a different rush.

His plane is called to board and you break away for real, this time, your eyes opening as you feel Seokmin’s arms slip from around your body. You don’t have time to think about whatever feeling rushed through you.

“Have a safe flight, okay? Call me if you need anything.”

Seokmin smiles, big and bright, says, “‘kay. I’ll see you soon.”

But you don’t see him for a while after that.

nineteen.

“Have you told Seokmin yet?”

Mingyu’s tone is innocently inquisitive, but you know better when he’s been asking the same question every few days for almost an entire year. “Seokmin stopped asking,” you respond, taking a bite of your sandwich as the early-spring breeze ruffles your hair.

Seokmin did stop asking about when you’d be following him to college. You think he figured it out a long time ago - a month into the school year and you were still nowhere to be found - but it’s been harder and harder to talk to him at all, given he’s busy with school and you have little energy between shifts at work. The time difference doesn’t help much, either.

“What do you mean he stopped asking?” Mingyu scoffs, and you shrug, picking off a stray blade of grass from your picnic blanket (Mingyu’s idea for today’s lunch date, since it’s started to get warmer outside).

“I mean he stopped asking,” you say. “It’s been hard to talk to him lately.”

A second passes with neither of you talking before Mingyu murmurs something along the lines of “can’t believe you didn’t tell him” and you roll your eyes, taking a chip from the bag you brought and throwing it at him. You feel bad about it - you think you always will - but there’s nothing you can do about it now, really.

The two of you eat together in lighter conversation, drifting from one topic to the next, enjoying company. He makes stupid jokes and you pretend they’re not funny, but it never lasts long and you can’t help a few giggles from slipping out.

And then he says, “you know, I always thought you and Seokmin would get together.”

You blink at him a few times, then furrow your brows. “Like, dating?”

“Yeah,” he laughs, wiping his hands free of crumbs. “Everyone did, really.”

You’ve never thought of it that much - you figured you’d get a few people here and there asking when you and Seokmin would actually start dating (you did, and it still shocks you) but you’ve never… seriously considered it. Mingyu asks you as such and you shake your head, honest. He looks at you with an unreadable expression.

“Seokmin… he looked at you like he was in love with you.”

For a second you think about the airport, about being so close to him you couldn’t focus on anything else, the moments spent in a different world, but you shake it out of your mind. “You know Seokmin,” you say. “He’s a little bit in love with everything.”

Mingyu hums. “He’s not the only one who looked at you like that.”

He says it so casually you almost miss it completely. You look at him and he’s looking at something else, and it reminds you of partnering with him in class and when he’d send you homework answers when you missed school, reminds you of prom and sitting outside the gym with him, your head on his shoulder and his arm around you.

You say, “Mingyu?”

He says, “sorry, I really wanted this to be better.”

It hits in a second and you’re practically falling over yourself to get to him, hands on his shoulders while you shake him ruthlessly. “Wait, are you being serious?” You demand, barely listening to his protests. “What the hell, are you really -”

Mingyu pushes you off of him, gentle, and you just stare at him like you’ll get an answer without saying anything. You only find half of the words. “How long have you…”

He’s just as flustered as you, it seems, but he understands what you’re trying to say. He scratches the back of his head in a nervous tick you remember him telling you about once. “Since… maybe junior year? The middle of junior year.”

“Why did you say anything?”

His smile is bittersweet. “Well, I thought you were dating Seokmin,” he says. “And when I found out you weren’t, I figured it’d only be a matter of time before you were, so I think I forgot about it for a while. But, I don’t know, we got so close this last year, and I know it’s only because Seokmin’s gone -”

“No, Mingyu, what?” You interrupt before you can think about it. He looks at you and it breaks your heart to think that he’s been feeling this way for so long. “Seokmin is my best friend, but I never saw you as a replacement. You’re you, not him, and I…”

There’s something in the way Mingyu looks at you now, a sliver of fondness steeped in the dark of his eyes. “You?”

You feel like falling. “...I wouldn’t mind a date. Sometime. With you.”

Mingyu grins so wide it makes your heart pound.

It takes a few dates and a few more kisses, but eventually you and Mingyu are officially dating. Summer comes in what feels like record time but it’s good, spending your time working and liking Mingyu, feeling like slow-melting honey. You think you might have enough money for your own apartment, soon.

It happens on a completely normal day.

You’re standing at the register post-lunch rush, meaning there probably won’t be many customers for the next few hours. The health of your nails is a lot more interesting than looking around a restaurant you’ve been familiar with since you were thirteen, so you don’t even notice that a customer’s come in until you hear and quiet ahem in front of you.

You manage to get out “oh, gosh, sorry, how can I -” before you realize that it’s Seokmin.

Seokmin, standing in front of you, hair a warm brown instead of the black you saw him leave with. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and smiles at you.

“Hi,” you say.

“Hey,” he says back.

Your manager is kind enough to let you take your break early, and you grab your and Seokmin’s favorites from the menu before sitting down with him. He speaks first, like he’s been thinking about this for a while.

“So,” he starts, and you raise an eyebrow at him from across the table. “You’re still living here.”

It hits like a brick to your chest and you chuckle as some sort of self defense, choosing to start with a winded “yeah, about that,” before telling Seokmin what happened. In all honesty, it’s not hard to be solemn about it - you feel guilty, and even more so, just sad. You missed out on so much with him, a years worth of new memories.

When you’re done, he says, “okay.”

“‘Okay’? You’re not mad?” You ask, incredulous. Seokmin shakes his head, hair bouncing with the movement.

“No… I mean, I’m upset, but I’m not mad,” he says. “It was hard for you, and that’s okay. I just wish you would’ve told me.”

You nod, leaning back in your seat while Seokmin takes another bite of his food. “I was worried you wouldn’t leave at all,” you tell him. “And after you left, I guess I was worried that you’d come back.”

“Eh, maybe.”

“Maybe? Maybe?”

But it’s easy like it always is with Seokmin, and when your break is over and you have to get back to work he tells you that he’ll see you again when your shift is over. You grin at him when he leaves and he grins back, and despite the surprise, you’re excited that he’s visited. You’ve missed your best friend.

You see him again when he meets you at your place, waiting for you to change out of your work clothes and so he can say hi to your family since it’s been so long. He’s paging through a magazine on your bed while you finish up getting ready in your bathroom.

“Are you dating anyone?” He asks suddenly, and an automatic grin flushes over your face as you stick your head in the doorway to look at him.

“Yeah, actually,” you say, and Seokmin’s eyes widen. “Mingyu and I started dating a little bit ago.”

“Mingyu,” Seokmin echoes, almost like he can’t believe it. “Mingyu from high school? That Mingyu?”

“Yes?” You respond, matching his confused tone. Seokmin turns back to your magazine.

“The threat still stands,” he whispers dramatically. “I’ll have to tell him again.”

You laugh openly, rolling your eyes as you leave your bathroom to find your shoes. You’re not exactly sure where the two of you are going tonight, but you figure it doesn’t matter. You’re tying up the laces on your second shoe when Seokmin speaks again.

“I’m happy for you, though,” he says. There’s something in his voice - in his face - that you can’t decipher. “Mingyu’s good.”

It makes you happy, proud, even, and you make it known with a large grin. The rest of the night is simple, nostalgic in a way you haven’t felt for a while as the two of you drive down familiar streets and listen to old songs you used to love. The sun sets on a day that feels successful and comfortable, and when Mingyu calls you out of the blue later Seokmin does make sure to threaten him again, and this time he finds it in himself to not take it all back immediately (even when he tells you to tell Mingyu he’s sorry later). You think that it’ll be a while before things are this simple again.

twenty-one.

Seokmin answers your call in exactly three and a half rings and with an excited “hey!”

It’s been easier and easier to keep in touch with each other now that you both have a better grasp on your schedules and you aren’t avoiding him. You manage to find a time to talk to each other that isn’t too early for you or too late for him and vice versa, and at a rate that doesn’t leave the two of you silent for weeks on end. “Hey, Seok.”

He asks you about your week, how things have been going, and you humbly brag about already being promoted at your new job. He sends you a weird look but congratulates you nonetheless, and you flick your camera and he pretends like it hurts.

“What about you?” You ask, laying back in your bed. You hear the front door of your apartment open and close and figure Mingyu’s home (which is still a weird thing to just think, even when it’s been a few months that you’ve lived together). “Anything new and exciting?”

Mingyu must hear you talking, because he doesn’t come into your shared bedroom announcing “honey, I’m home,” like he (obnoxiously) does every day. You smile at him when his face appears in the doorway. “Actually,” Seokmin says from your phone, eyes sparkling even through the bad quality of your camera. Mingyu shuffles around in your peripheral vision. “I was cast in a musical the theater department’s doing.”

Halfway through the phrase “no way” Mingyu decides to collapse directly on top of you, and you let out a gust of air you didn’t even know you could hold in your lungs followed by inevitable giggles. Seokmin makes a confused noise on the other end of the line.

“Hi Seokmin,” Mingyu offers as an explanation, voice muffled from where his mouth is nuzzled into your chest. Seokmin laughs.

“Hi, Mingyu.”

You roll your eyes at your boyfriend’s antics but don’t push him off of you, only shifting a little so that Seokmin can still see your face and you’re not uncomfortable holding the phone up. “Ignore him. Tell me about the musical.”

And he does. He tells you what it’s about, that he got the lead even when he didn’t think he’d have a chance, that the first show is in about a month and a half. You don’t pitch in often, only offering hums and nods and sounds of amazement as Seokmin rattles on happily.

It’s not long after that that you say your goodbyes, bringing your faces too close to your cameras as a new sort of ritual before you hang up. You toss your phone somewhere on the other side of the bed and wrap your arms around Mingyu (who’s been very patient), who leans up to kiss you sweetly, then pepper light kisses all over your face as a greeting.

“Welcome home,” you say through laughter.

It’s a slow night, most of the evening spent in bed watching stupid videos and catching up on new episodes of TV shows both of you watch together. When the sun finally sets Mingyu leaves your blanket cocoon to take a shower and you busy yourself with looking up the cost… of plane tickets.

Right when you’re finishing up the necessary research is when Mingyu comes out of the shower. “What’re you lookin’ at?” He asks, motioning to your laptop. He sits on the corner of the bed, toweling his hair dry, and you bite your lip.

“Would it be okay if I… booked a trip? For, say, a month and a half from now?”

Mingyu blinks at you. “For Seokmin?”

You nod, pushing your laptop off of your legs to rest on the mattress. “Yeah, I… it’s his first musical, and when we had this whole plan to move together, I told him I’d be there,” you say. “Feels kinda like I owe him, you know? And I miss him. He’s only visited once since that first time.”

Mingyu smiles at you, supportive, and you smile back. “Yeah, whatever you want,” he tells you, standing from the bed. His voice fades as he walks back to the bathroom. “It’ll be good to get away from you for a while.”

“Hey!”

A few days before Seokmin’s opening night you land in his city.

The first thought in your head is “oh wow, I’m finally here” and it’s immediately followed by the unnecessary and irrational anxiety funded by the fact that Seokmin doesn’t know you’re here. The whole visit is a surprise. You had stopped by his parents’ house to ask his mom for his address and she had gone the extra mile to tell you he wouldn’t have plans when you were visiting and that he’d be home alone.

(“Are you dating anyone right now?” She had asked when you visited. You told her yes, a mutual friend of yours and Seokmins. “Oh,” she’d said. “That’s a shame. I’d always hoped you and Seokmin would get together. I think he used to have a crush on you.”)

You want it to be a surprise, because it’s been so long since you’ve seen him in person, but at the same time… it’s a little inconveniencing to show up at someone’s house out of nowhere. But you know Seokmin, and he’d never turn you away over it.

After you get your bags you make your way to the entrance of the airport, luckily landing a taxi without waiting too long. Everything is busy and you’re a little overwhelmed, but somehow you can’t help but think that it fits Seokmin to be in a place like this, full of life and warmth like him. The taxi driver asks you where you want to go and you read him the address you were given (Seokmin’s address, your brain emphasizes) and he takes off like he knows exactly where the apartment is.

You’re not sure how much time passes but soon enough you’re in front of Seokmin’s building, entering through the lobby and taking the elevator up to the fourth floor. Your heart feels like it’s pounding out of your chest and the smooth, mindless music coming from the speakers does little to help you calm down. When you get to the right floor you count the doors as you pass them, mumbling Seokmin’s under your breath until the numbers on the plaque finally match the ones you’re telling yourself.

You take a second to calm yourself down, one nice deep breath into your lungs before you knock three times in quick succession. There are footsteps, the turn of the lock, and then…

It’s not Seokmin. It’s a girl. A girl you’ve never seen before.

Both of you stare at each other for a little too long before you snap out of it and ask, tentative, “is there… a Seokmin here?”

Recognition bleeds onto her face and she leans back into the apartment to call out Seokmin’s name, reverberating through the walls. It happens in the same way, all again, a little more distinct to your ears - footsteps, the shuffling of clothes, and then Seokmin is in front of you, real, in the flesh.

(Your Seokmin.)

“Hey,” you greet with a smile that you’ve been trying to hold in since you landed. “Surprise.”

In a step and a half Seokmin’s crushing you in his arms and you’re laughing like it’s the only thing you know how to do, squeezing him back just as hard. He smells like the detergent you’ve always known him to use mixed with another scent you’re unfamiliar with but it still fits him just the same, warm and light and potent.

“What are you doing here?” Seokmin asks as he lets you go, stepping back into his doorway and making room for you to follow. He grabs one of your bags and you follow him into his apartment.

“Oh, when you told me about your musical I figured I should come and see,” you say once you both stop in the living room. “I promised I would.”

Something moves behind the two of you but you barely notice. Seokmin stands in front of you and for a moment it’s like it was back before you graduated, before he moved and before everything. “Yeah, you did,” he murmurs.

An ahem sound echoes throughout the room and you remember the girl from earlier, the one who opened the door to Seokmin’s apartment. You spin around while Seokmin makes an “oh!” sound like he just remembered she was there (and you feel kind of bad, but she only rolls her eyes with a smile).

“Sorry,” Seokmin laughs, coming around you to stand by the girl. “This is my friend Ashley. She’s playing the other lead in the musical, we were going over lines.”

You introduce yourself and Ashley is nice, shakes your hand with a firm grip as you tell her your name before she says she should get going. This is what you were anxious about earlier. You tell both of them that you didn’t mean to interrupt and if they needed to keep practicing they could, but Ashley assures you that she was planning on leaving soon anyways and walks out the door calling it was good meeting you!

The door shuts and you’re here in Seokmin’s apartment, and it feels strange… maybe things were always meant to turn out this way, but you can’t help but think that in another lifetime this might’ve been your apartment too, if everything had gone according to plan. You wonder how everything went for parallel universe you.

“So,” you say, looking at Seokmin. “Give me a tour?”

The week is spent relaxing and laughing, catching up with Seokmin as he shows you his favorite hang-out spots and restaurants. On a day that he doesn’t have any morning classes the two of you attempt a homemade brunch and you don’t end up setting off the fire alarm. You spend a solid four hours in a private karaoke room that was definitely too much for you to be paying for but Seokmin was going through Twice’s entire discography and you knew better than to try to drag him away from that.

He reserves a ticket for you for the musical (“Front row, I begged for hours!” He wails when he comes back. He was gone for thirty minutes) and it feels like the time really flies after that, because then it’s opening night and you’re waiting outside the university’s theater. Seokmin had left a few hours earlier than you because, well, he is performing. You’d told him good luck and that you’d be cheering the loudest.

And when the musical starts and he comes on stage you really can’t stop smiling. You’re reminded of when he really decided this is what he wants to do, and you know everything he’s done has led up to this. All he’s for is the stage, for performance, and when he sings you fall into it, losing yourself in the story.

There’s an entire auditorium of people that clap when the play finishes, but based on the looks the people around you are giving you, you’d say you’re at least one of the loudest. And based on the grin Seokmin sends your way when the cast bows, you’d say you’re loud enough for him.

A few minutes after the curtain falls you get a text from him telling you to meet him backstage and you make your way there, finding him waiting at the entrance for you. The first thing you do is tackle him in a hug and he laughs loud, sounding as giddy as you feel, then he takes you backstage with him. He’s wiping off makeup when he tells you about a post-show dinner.

“You should come,” he says, makeup smearing at the corner of his eye. You lean forward, taking the makeup wipe from him and deciding that he’s hopeless at this stuff before gently wiping at his face for him. “It’ll be a lot of fun!”

You purse your lips in thought, then shake your head, grabbing a fresh wipe and rubbing it over the rest of his face. “No, I don’t want to intrude. I wasn’t even a part of any of this, it’d feel weird.”

Seokmin looks at you with puppy eyes, asking if you’re sure, and you nod, flicking him softly in the forehead as both of you laugh.

On your way home you pick up a bouquet of flowers and a single cupcake in Seokmin’s favorite flavor, along with a pack of candles. You only need one of them, but you couldn’t find a single candle that wasn’t a number. It’s not much, but you want to give him something. It’s a memorable occasion, anyways.

You make good use of his Disney+ account while you wait for him to come back, and sometime around midnight you hear the jingle of keys and then the lock at the front door turn. You pause your movie (a little bitterly because you just got to the good part of Tangled) and set everything up accordingly, the bouquet on the counter and the cupcake next to it, and you barely manage to light the candle in time before Seokmin enters the room.

“Congratulations,” you call, quiet to mind the neighbors, your hands out to frame the simple gifts as if to say “here you go!”

He crosses through the living room to stand opposite to you on the other side of the counter, watching the flame on the candle intently. The wax drips onto the frosting. “You gotta blow it out, Seok. The wax is gonna get all over it.”

Seokmin asks, “you got this for me?” in a small voice and it’s only when you look at him that you notice his eyes glassy with tears.

“Oh, Seokminnie, don’t cry,” you say with a gentle laugh, and he sniffs with his own chuckle before leaning down to blow the candle out. You reach a hand over the counter and ruffle his hair while he switches his attention to the bouquet, picking it up and looking at the flowers close up.

And then he looks back at you, ears and the tip of his nose a little red from the almost-crying, smile on his face as usual as ever, but you are - and this is -

You think about that day the two of you hung out in high school, when you went to the park and he told you about a weird dream; you remember the sun on his skin and the way that he spoke. You think about being his date to anything, a routine, familiar, a promise. You think about planning your lives together so you would still be close together even when you’re both old and senile, you think about lost moments, you think about this moment, right here, in Seokmin’s apartment, in a world created by the two of you.

And this… this is being in love. This is being in love with Seokmin. This is realizing.

“Hey,” Seokmin calls, waving a hand in front of your face. You blink a few times. “Did you zone out?”

It takes a second longer than it should for you to respond. “Yeah,” you answer slowly, trying to swallow everything down. You feel hot. “Sorry, yeah.”

“You sure that’s all it is? You look pale.”

You shake your head. Is this really happening? “No, I’m fine, promise. I guess I’m just a little tired.”

Seokmin reaches forward and puts the back of his hand against your forehead to check your temperature. It makes everything worse. “You must be too,” you add, desperate. You don’t know if you want him closer or if you want him far away. “It’s late. You performed in a play today.”

As if on cue, he yawns. You gulp as he takes his hand away to cover his mouth, then nods, his lips forming into a pout. “Yeah, you’re right. Guess we should get some sleep, huh?”

He leaves the flowers but takes the cupcake with him to his bedroom, a giddy and innocent “goodnight” called over his shoulder before his door shuts. You unfold a few blankets onto his couch, turn off the lights, and will yourself to go to sleep like it might make the feeling go away.

Do I want it to go away?

You refuse to answer.

You try to push it all back, at least for the rest of the trip. Luckily, you only stay another few days before you have to head back home, and you think you do a decent job, even if Seokmin senses something (but he doesn’t ask you about it, which you’re more than thankful for). Unluckily, you have to return home to Mingyu. Your boyfriend. And you don’t know what that might mean for you.

The airport gives you deja vu.

“Thank you for visiting,” Seokmin tells you at your gate, and you smile at him.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you say, feeling your heart clench in your chest. “I’ll be back soon.”

For some reason it’s not any easier, despite the fact that he’s been living so far away from you for so long. Maybe… maybe it’s because things are different, at least for you.

“‘Kay,” Seokmin responds, opening his arms wide. You go to him in a second.

And Seokmin has never felt unfamiliar, he’s never been unusual. But it feels different, holding him like this, his hand on your back and his nose in your shoulder. It is so much more and so much worse and you can’t do anything but squeeze him tighter.

He pulls away first and the minimal space between you reminds you of the first time you saw him off at the airport, and now, if you wanted, you could…

It only lasts for a second. (You wonder if it’s a sign.)

You almost tell him, right there, his hands still lingering on you and his scent still attached to your clothes. You almost tell him that the other night, looking at him under his kitchen light, you realized you were in love with him. You open your mouth to, but your throat stops you, and then an automated voice calling for your gate interrupts you before you even get a chance.

(You wonder if that’s a sign, too.)

You can’t, you remind yourself. Not yet, at least. Not when Mingyu’s at home, waiting for you to get back. Not when he’s waiting for you.

Waiting for you to come around, it seems.

You get home and things seem normal, like nothing changed. The world keeps spinning, you suppose. Mingyu picks you up from the airport but somehow holds himself together until you get home, lifting you up and spinning you around, and you can’t help the giggling, don’t stop yourself from kissing him sweetly as a greeting.

But it feels off. Wrong, even. You wish it didn’t.

The weeks pass. You go back to work, face the routine you’ve had for so long now, come home to Mingyu every night until you start to think that maybe this - maybe Mingyu - isn’t worth keeping, when you feel this way about Seokmin. It’s not fair to either of you.

It’s a sunny day when you decide to talk to Mingyu about it. He comes home from work and you let him change into comfortable clothes, hands curled around a mug of coffee at the island when he comes into the kitchen from the bedroom. You say, “I need to talk to you about something.”

He blinks at you but nods, moving to sit on the barstool next to yours. Your heart starts to pound in your chest and you feel your hands start to shake at the force of it, doing your best to hide it by sitting on your palms.

And you know the words, they’re on the tip of your tongue. They’ve been screaming at you so much for so long that you can taste the syllables in your mouth, the sounds of the letters almost too loud. But you can’t say them. You open your mouth, then close it, then open it again. You look at Mingyu and he smiles.

“Is this,” he starts, pushing hair out of your face, “about Seokmin?”

All you can do is nod, then watch as his hand falls back to his lap. “Ah, I knew it,” he says. You want to throw up. “Never could measure up to him, huh?”

“No,” you say immediately, your voice finally finding its way up your throat. “Mingyu, it was never - it was always me. I’m sorry. It was never you.”

He looks at you and you don’t know what to do. Something like this was never supposed to happen to you, and it was never supposed to happen to someone like Mingyu. It’s all so unfair.

“I didn’t know,” you tell him, feeling your lip wobble with the threat of tears. You will them away. Something in you breaks anyways. “I didn’t know until I visited him. And it was never - you were never a replacement, you remember when I told you that, right? You weren’t, and I felt something for you, I loved you -”

“Hey,” Mingyu interrupts, pulling your hands into his. You take in a sharp breath and wonder how he can sound so calm. “I don’t blame you.”

It just feels so wrong that you have to do this, that you have to break him like this. He doesn’t shake like you, but you can see it in the way he moves and how he looks at you. In a second everything changes, and you don’t know what to do, you don’t know what to say anymore. You squeeze Mingyu’s hands and push all of your energy into hoping that the action does something for both of you.

When it all dies down, you pack your suitcase with clothes and leave to stay at your parents’ for a few days. Mingyu watches you leave.

twenty-two.

Your birthday comes right after you finish moving everything out of your and Mingyu’s apartment. Well. Just Mingyu’s, now. Carrying the last box in your hands, you ask him if he’ll be okay (you feel like a bitch for it), if he still wants you to pay half of the rent until the lease finishes… he tells you he’ll be fine, and it makes you sigh. You move back in with your parents while you look for a new place to live.

It crosses your mind to tell Seokmin how you feel about him.

As you settle into a new routine, it shows up a lot. The wound from your breakup is still fresh - not as big as Mingyu’s, but it stings - so it takes you a little while, but you eventually come to the conclusion that you’ll tell him. You don’t know if he feels the same, and if he doesn’t… you know Seokmin. The worst he’d be is sweet.

A video call is the best you can do right now, so you text Seokmin and arrange a time to call when the time difference isn’t too harrowing. You tell him you’ve got news, and he sends back an excited me too!

And you hope, so foolishly.

(Because Mingyu had told you what feels like a lifetime ago that it’d always seemed like you were dating, and even Seokmin’s mom had said that he might’ve had a crush on you. You know it’s nothing. You still want to think that maybe...)

Your heart races as you listen to the low ring of your phone, waiting for Seokmin to pick up. It’s a quiet night, holed up in your old room, and you get lost in the pictures from high school taped along your mirror and the memorabilia strung along your desk in the form of ticket stubs and notes passed during classes, tiny trinkets as gifts from trips. A photobooth picture of you and Seokmin catches your attention the longest, eyes drifting between the set as younger versions of yourselves make stupid faces at the camera.

Your phone makes a noise that the call’s connected and the first thing you hear is a “hey!” from Seokmin that makes you smile despite your unease.

“Hey,” you respond, setting your phone upright on your desk and leaning back in your chair. “How are you doing, stranger?”

“Really good,” he answers. “It’s been a while since we called, huh?”

And it has - with everything that’s happened on your end, you’ve found it difficult to make time for an entire call, and you imagine Seokmin’s been busy as well. The two of you drift into small talk that doesn’t feel like small talk because it’s you and because it’s Seokmin, catching up on all the things that you missed during text conversations.

“Wait,” he says eventually, bringing the camera closer to his face. “Are you staying with your parents? That’s your old room, right?”

Here goes, you think. “About that,” you say, nervousness tangible in your voice. “The news I had to tell you. Or, I guess, half of it… Mingyu and I broke up.”

There’s a delayed noise from Seokmin before he straight up screams, and his face is so comical that you almost forget about your nerves completely. “You what?” he demands, shaking his phone back and forth. You find it in yourself to laugh. “Why?��

“Well, that’s the other half,” you say. A fresh rush of anxiety runs through your veins, but you manage it. Realization bleeds across Seokmin’s face and you think he’s figured it out before you even had a chance to tell him yourself.

“Oh god, that makes my news so much worse,” he says instead of what you think he will, and for a second your heart picks up its pace because - does he mean - but wait, that doesn’t make sense -

“What’s your news?” You ask, a little too breathless and a little too urgent for your liking.

“Are you sure you wanna hear it?” He asks in return, hesitant. “It might make you feel bad.”

Why would his confession make you feel bad? Does he know that you’re -

“Tell me.”

It can’t be worse than the kind way you know he’d turn you down…

“Well… Ashley and I started dating.”

Oh. Maybe it can.

“Ashley,” you start, saying her name like you’re forcing yourself to get used to saying it. The world starts to spin around you. “The other lead from the musical?”

“Yeah,” Seokmin says. “I didn’t… I don’t want to rub it in your face or anything, I didn’t know -”

“No, it’s okay, Seok,” you tell him, mustering a soft smile. “I’m happy for you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

And you are, you could never not be happy for Seokmin, especially when he’s smiling like that and the tips of his ears are red because he’s a little embarrassed. He scratches the back of his neck before saying, “oh, but you never told me why you and Mingyu broke up? You said that was the other half.”

You say, “we can talk about it later,” and then, like it doesn’t hurt, “tell me about her.”

Seokmin grins like he used to grin at you and you can’t help but wonder…

(When did he stop? Why did you never notice? How did it go from being your smile to hers?)

Oh, well. Maybe you’ll never know.

twenty-three.

A few more months pass before you see Seokmin in person again, and it’s not by your own will.

Maybe that’s harsh. He’s graduating and invites you to come, and you tell him you’ll be there because you know you’d regret it if you didn’t go, feelings aside.

Feelings… you thought it would go away. You thought your heart would cut it out after Seokmin told you he was dating someone, but it seems no part of you got the memo, because you’re more than nervous to see him again. On the bright side, you won’t be there for as long as you were the last time you visited.

(But then it gets confusing, because you want to spend time with him, but you can’t be around him for too long without losing it. You can barely properly handle a phone call.)

On the flight you reserve a room at a hotel not far from Seokmin’s apartment, since his parents are staying with him and you don’t want to crowd it further. You go through the motions, checking into your hotel room before heading over to Seokmin’s to visit with everyone for a while. It’s almost easy for a bit, laughing with his parents about old memories and tales from a childhood that seems so long ago. You manage to make it through, leaving a little early with the excuse that jetlag has you tired and you don’t want to sleep in past your alarm for tomorrow.

In retrospect, college graduation isn’t that much different than high school, even if you’re just watching this time. You sit with Seokmin’s parents up in the bleachers of the venue they’re holding the ceremony in, scream at the top of your lungs when Seokmin’s name is called and he walks across the stage with a big smile. When it’s all over you meet up with him outside.

“You’re a big-shot, now,” you tease him, pulling at the strands of his tassel. He laughs.

Eventually Ashley finds her way over to your group, her arm immediately winding itself around Seokmin’s torso. You try not to stare, try even harder not to avoid them both completely. Seokmin says, “a few classmates are hosting a graduates party, do you wanna come?”

It’s instinct to shake your head. “I never went to college, Seokminnie,” you remind him, and he rolls his eyes.

Ashley says, “you should still come. I know it’s been a while since you two hung out. It could be fun.”

Despite whatever you feel towards Ashley - you don’t hate her, but it’s hard not to feel something negative towards her - you appreciate the push, and she’s right, either way. It’s been a while since you last saw Seokmin, and, well… maybe you just need to learn how to be around him, now.

And it is fun, for the most part. You’re not a total stranger to parties, having been to a few when Mingyu would insist on dragging you out of the house, and it’s not all plastic red cups and screaming like you thought it’d be. You have a good time, making small talk with a few girls in the kitchen while getting drinks, laughing way too hard with Seokmin, and even talking to Ashley doesn’t sting as much as it did before.

(It still aches, but it’s slower. Maybe it’s just the alcohol you’ve had.)

But eventually she pulls Seokmin away from you, even when he sends you a sympathetic smile. You wave him off, tell him he’ll find you later. You make your way out to the porch of the house (you’re wondering how the hell someone your age has an entire house but choose not to think about it too much for the sake of your head) because inside’s getting a little stuffy, walking past a few people already outside to sit on the front steps. You scroll through your phone, take occasional sips of your now-lukewarm drink.

The door opens, letting out a gentle blast of music and overlapping voices, and you hear Seokmin say, “oh, there you are!” before the door closes again. You turn around and smile at him, watching as he sits down next to you, grunting, “I thought I lost you.”

It makes you huff out a laugh. You hear the front door open and close again as the other people on the porch head back inside. “Just wanted some air.”

The two of you delve into soft conversation, but you can tell Seokmin wants to talk about something else. You bet it’s about Mingyu (you never told him why you broke up, never had the guts) or about how you’ve been acting differently. A space of quiet filled with crickets and distant bass surrounds you and you speak before he can ask, before you can think too much.

“Did you know everyone thought we’d end up together?” You ask, sparing a glance at him. “Like, dating?”

He chuckles a bit, says, “yeah, my mom was our number one fan.”

It makes something solemnly sweet bloom in you. You offer a small smile anyways, turn back to the neighborhood in front of you. “No, really, everyone. I didn’t realize it was such a big thing.”

You hear Seokmin blow out a puff of air. He sounds like he’s pouting the way he does when he’s thinking when he speaks again. “Yeah, me either, I guess. What does this…”

He doesn’t finish, and he doesn’t have to. You say, “Mingyu thought we would. Date, I mean.”

Seokmin stays quiet. You’ve waited so long now to tell him why you and Mingyu even broke up in the first place, and now that you’re here… what are you even supposed to say? How are you supposed to tell him everything in a way that’s equal parts kind and understanding, in a way that doesn’t sound like you’re begging for him to love you, too?

“...Is that why you guys broke up?” Seokmin asks. “Did he think we had something going on?”

You say “yes and no” through a breathy, nervous laugh. When you find it in yourself to look at Seokmin again he looks more confused than you felt when you first realized…

“Yes and no?”

Now or never, right?

“He didn’t think we had something going on,” you say. Your chest fills with a familiar feeling, something like butterflies, a little less poetic. Maybe moths. “But I…”

Seokmin doesn’t say anything, but he looks like he knows where you’re going with this. You let yourself say it because there’s nothing else you can say.

“When I came down to watch your musical,” you tell him, softly. “I think that’s when I realized I love you.”

It feels like you did something wrong, like you’re confessing to a crime, like you’re in court and everything you do is being watched. But the ground doesn’t crack beneath your feet when you say it, stars don’t start falling from the sky, a hurricane doesn’t start destroying everything in its path. The world stays still despite your pounding heart.

“You what?” Seokmin asks. It might be rhetorical. You answer anyways.

“I’m sorry, Seokminnie,” you say. “I love you.”

You’re not sure what you’re expecting from this (you’re not even sure what you’re hoping for), but it is not the anger you receive.

“Why did you have to say this now?” He asks you, exasperated. It surprises you and your eyes follow him as he stands from the steps, suddenly in front of you. “Now, when - you know I’m in a relationship.”

“I know,” you say, brows furrowing. You set your drink on the concrete next to you. “I’m not trying to get you to break up with Ashley, I’m not telling you this because -”

“Then what are you getting at?” Seokmin demands. “You don’t just confess to somebody to do it!”

Your brain can barely process what’s happening, but you stand up, too, like it might make him understand. “Do you even…” you start, swallowing. “Do you even know how hard it’s been to come to terms with this? How much I’ve worried if you’d still be my friend after I told you?”

Seokmin rolls his eyes and for the first time in a long time it’s not in the playful way you’ve grown to love. “There’s no reason to tell me if you’re not expecting me to feel the same,” he says, voice low. “You shouldn’t have said anything at all.”

And that… that hurts, for some reason, makes you physically take a step back. Both you and Seokmin see it, and you can tell he already feels bad, but he stands his ground, and that hurts even more. You grab all of your things off of the steps, pay no mind to the heat on your face and the shakiness of your hands. You don’t look at Seokmin as you leave.

You’re on a flight the next morning.

When you get back home your first instinct is to figure all of your shit out. You get into high gear looking for an apartment, put in extra hours at work, consider making a drastic change to your appearance because for a solid week you think it’ll solve all of your problems. You’re able to find an apartment and set a move in date, and things start to look good again.

You don’t forget about Seokmin, but you act like you do. Maybe it’ll be easier.

(It’s not.)

You don’t know how long this will last, the not talking to Seokmin and changing the subject whenever someone brings him up. A small, sick part of you wants to really forget about him, completely, because what happens after this? If the two of you make up… as upset as you are, you still love him. You don’t know if you’d take it all back, but you miss your best friend… before anything else, he was your person. After everything, you miss him in that way the most.

(Is it even right for you to miss him in a way you never had him?)

You’re organizing your kitchen, putting your dishes and cooking-ware in their newly designated spots, mumbling along to the songs playing through your phone. It’s not the most flashy apartment, but you’re happy to have your own place.

You’re not expecting any company, given you moved in yesterday, so when you hear a knock on your door, it startles you a bit. You turn off your music and stare at the door like it’ll give you the ability to see who’s outside, then figure it might be your landlord checking in. You leave the plate you were holding on the counter and make your way through the stacks of boxes towards the door.

When you open it, not bothering to look through the peephole, Seokmin’s standing in front of you.

There’s a second where neither of you speak, just looking at each other like weirdos, and then he says, “hi.”

A wave of emotions crashes into you at the sound of his voice, and it takes everything in you to hold it all back. “Hi,” you respond, because there’s not very much else you can say.

You’re not really angry anymore.

“Can I, um…” he starts, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” you say, blinking. You open the door wider for him to come in. “Sorry, it’s a bit of a mess, I still haven’t gotten everything put away yet…”

You shut and lock the door, and Seokmin follows you into the apartment. You stand by the kitchen counter, leaning against it, and he stands a few feet away in the empty living room. It’s quiet, which is strange, because it was never quiet with you two. But it’s been a few months since you’ve even spoken to each other, kindly at that, so you think you can allow a moment of unfamiliarity.

Seokmin says, “I want to apologize to you.”

You blink at him a few times, watching as he looks down at his feet and then back up to you. “I’m sorry I freaked out at you like that. I don’t know… what it was like, dealing with it, for you, and it was wrong of me to act like that. I guess I had just been waiting a really long time to hear you say it, and you said it at the worst possible time.”

You barely register it. Seokmin looks at you and you notice that his roots have grown in, and then you see the sun from your living room window shining onto his back, and it feels like silk, the knowledge, like a breath of fresh air. You clench and unclench your hands and feel it. “You…” you start, but you don’t even know what you’re going to say. You remember Ashley. “Wait, but - Ashley?”

Seokmin takes a step closer to you and you wait. “I broke up with her the day after you left,” he tells you. “I knew I needed to but I also knew I’d need some time afterwords, too… so that’s why I’m here now.”

It feels like shock, like your entire body is weighted down, because even - even with everyone always asking about when you’d start dating, even with it being so long now that you’ve loved him and known of it, even when Seokmin is standing in front of you, it feels surreal. You barely notice that there’s little space between the two of you, and you wonder who moved and how fast.

“Is this it?” You ask him, soft, reaching up to put your hand against the side of Seokmin’s face. He leans into it. “Is the timing finally right?”

His hand falls over yours. “I think so,” he murmurs, lips pressing a kiss against your palm. His fingers move over your own before intertwining them together, the afternoon sun dressing both of you in gold and you can’t think, can’t do anything but look at Seokmin. You lean up, closer to him, a question. He pulls you closer as an answer. “No more waiting.”

His kiss feels like a million unsaid words.

252 notes · View notes

nostalgicfun · 3 years

Note

Coco shouldn't be in your Halloween movies collection post. Coco is about the day of the dead, thats a mexican tradition about honoring and remembering our loved ones who passed away. Thats nothing like halloween. I asked you kindly to remake your post and out that movie away.

Good afternoon! Thank you for reaching out about the inclusion of Coco! 😊

Coco was added directly to this list by my roommate (and best friend of over a decade!) Leo, who is not only from Mexico, but has played as a Mariachi since he was 14! Leo and his family moved here from Villa Guerrero in the late 90s, and I have learned so, so incredibly much from him and his family since we met ten years ago!

I was making this list while sitting and talking with Leo and was complaining that I was still several movies short. He took one look at the list and said “you forgot Coco!”

I told him that it was a lineup of traditionally spooky movies, and that it would probably be best for me not to include it, and that I had it written down in my doc file to make a separate post about it on the appropriate day. Leo (who has the patience of a saint lol) sat down and explained that as long as Coco is NOT referred to as a Halloween movie, it’s okay in his eyes (and we texted his sister for double validation) to include it on a “Season of Scares” list, as long as I acknowledge that it is NOT a Halloween movie on the day that it comes up. Believe it or not, that’s actually the direct reason why the list is called “Season of Scares” rather than a Halloween lineup; Leo suggested taking out the Halloween phrasing!

He talked about that fact that Coco is commonly completely excluded from October movie lineups with the reasoning “iT’s NoT a HaLlOwEen mOvIe” (his mocking tone, not mine lol) and that leaving it out altogether is, in his opinion, more hurtful in the long run than including it to start with. He’d like to see more people enjoy his culture as long as they can accept and respect Mexican culture for what it is!

As soon as I made the first post, I did queue up a scheduled post for the 16th(the day Coco is on the list) that explains that this was Leo’s personal pick and to ensure that viewers know that it is NOT a Halloween movie! 😊 I have attached a screenshot of said post below.

That being said, you did make me aware that I said “Halloween season” in the original post one time, which I was trying hardcore to avoid, so thank you for making me aware of that. I am deleting all reblogs of this post on my blog and removing the word "Halloween" from the original post. The list is supposed to be a fun autumn/ “spooky” lineup created with the intent to offer fun alternatives to the horror-movie based lineups we usually see this time of year!

I hope this clarifies things. I would absolutely never do anything to step on anyone’s toes. For years I wouldn’t even make traditionally Hispanic dishes for dinner until one day Leo’s mom was like “you know you’re allowed to make tacos at home, right? You can make tacos. You’re not saying you invented tacos you’re allowed to cook them.”

OKAY ADDITIONALLY: I started typing up this response at work. Things like this rattle me pretty bad, so before posting this I walked over and talked to the leader of the LatinX Club here on campus, who is Mexican (as are over 80% of the members) to make sure it was okay of me to stick with what Leo said. I didn't want to come off as "WeLl aCkshUalLy" so I showed her this ask, as well as the lineup and the post I have queued for Coco. Her sentiments seemed to mirror Leo’s: “Add Coco, but speak up! Raise awareness! It’s NOT a Halloween movie, yeah, but it deserves a spot on a spooky list nonetheless!” She, without knowing what Leo said, added that it’s better for non-Hispanic people to add it than to not acknowledge its existence at all, as long as they understand it’s not a Halloween movie! (And I did let her know I'm removing the word "Halloween" from the original post)

In addition, she had a suggestion for ANOTHER Day of the Dead movie that often gets overlooked: The Book of Life! Even I’d never heard of this one, and apparently it’s a Guillermo del Toro movie!? She described it as “Coco adjacent” and told me to “get Sweeney Todd off of that list! That’s not even a little kid friendly. You should have The Book of Life before you have Sweeney Todd." She also pointed out that it has a mostly Hispanic cast!

So on Sweeney Todd's designated day we will be acknowledging The Book of Life instead, as per Mrs. Diaz's request! I was already doubtful about including Sweeney Todd because it's a bit more graphic than I prefer on this blog, so this is basically exactly what I was looking for! ♡

In addition, Mrs. Diaz urges everyone to go see yet another Hispanic (Colombian, I believe) Disney movie coming out: Encanto! Like The Book of Life and Coco, it also features a predominantly Hispanic cast! It will be released this November and focuses on a Colombian family, their culture, and their meaning of family! She points out that non-white Disney movies (and non-white children's movies in general) don't have a history of doing spectacularly in (at?) the box office, so it's important for everyone who wants to support this movie to do so to the best of their ability! (Yes she is sitting beside me while I write this, sorry for the ad lol)

Okay now I’m done. I know internet promises mean just about nothing, but I promise with ever fiber of my miserable little being I would never, EVER step on anyone’s toes or post anything willfully ignorant. Thank you so much for making me aware of the fact that my wording was harmful so that I could rectify the post and prevent any further hurt feelings or misunderstandings!

#''you're white it's your job to tell your followers about encanto''#she said '''blog people'' not followers but still lol

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nikrangdan · 3 years

Text

roommate!heeseung pt. 1

pairing: roommate!heeseung x female reader

genre: mini fic(?), fluff, comedy, tiny angst(one little sad part)

warnings: cursing!!!

word count: 4.3k

description: i guess you just didnt realize you were in love with your roommate...... who has a girlfriend

————

“ow!”

you had just hit heeseung over the head after he said he would burn all of your plushies

your Precious. Plushies

hell no you’ve been collecting these since you were 11 no way in hell heeseung would threaten ur babies

you rolled your eyes and started to walk to the kitchen to get a snack

stupid heeseung

hes always saying stupid shit🙄

before you walked out though you noticed the look on his face

like he was contemplating something

“y/n... can you do me a favor?” he nervously uttered out before you walked out his door

“....what kind..?” you furrowed your brows

why was he being so cryptic

“uhh i need you to get flowers and chocolates for me from stacys....”

STACYS?????????

stacys was this fancy store 45 MINUTES AWAY..

“ur fucking serious?” you deadpanned

this was something new

in all your 8 months of living with him he had never asked you of a favor this big

for context.., you had moved to this city apartment for college 8 months ago but you couldn’t afford it without a roommate

but luckily you overheard a certain boy praying for an apartment while you were on campus

and you guessed it!!! it was heeseung

you two clicked easily and you were very thankful he was your roommate

after 4 months of living together he told you he got a girlfriend

you didnt really know about his campus life since you didnt have classes together and you never saw him walking around

you dont know why you were surprised when he told you... i mean have u seem Him.....

but nonetheless

u were like “Omg heeseung!!! thats great<3” like the supportive friend u were

yeah and that was that

you didnt meet the girl until another month later

Now that..... that was an experience......

FLASHBACK WHOOSH

*knock knock knock*

who tha hell was knocking at 7 in the morning.........

you staggered your way over to the front door with your matching hello kitty pajamas

and u open the door to see a blonde Lady who looks around your age

Why did u forget to look thru the little peephole in the door...... ur probably just tired whatever

anyways ur like

“uhm....”

and shes like

“? who are you.?”

and ur like

??!!?[\^€]€\¥,_[+{*}*

“i live here....”

and shes like

“?...? oh sorry i thought my boyfriend lived here..”

and ur both just standing there like ;-;

shes all dressed up and u look like a childs room threw up on u

And thats when it hit u

“OH”

“are you heeseungs girlfriend?!!???” your hand raises up to point at her unconsciously

“ yes.. i am” she looked so lost it was so funny

“oh then you have the right place im sorry! hes my roommate” you scurry back into the apartment, gesturing for her to come in and close the door behind her

“what? he didnt tell me had a roommate..”

poor girl 😭😭😭

you quite literally pounce into heeseungs room and smack him while shes still standing outside awkwardly in the living room

“fucking idiot” smack to the face

“wake up” smack to the chest

“heeseung i swear to god” you shake his head

“are you fucking dead???? wake up!!!!” you pinch his ears really hard

that woke him up

“Ow ow ow ow OWWW y/n what the hell???” his eyes are forced open but theyre squinted due to the sunlight

“your girlfriend is here” you whisper-yell at him

“what???” he sat up so quickly you almost laughed

you were 90% sure she heard everything

oh well

his problem

he just stares into space for a second before his eyes go wide

ur just sitting on his bed waiting for him to do something like Uhhh

“shit i planned a date today oh my god” he jumped up from his bed and hastily told you to “stay put” before throwing on a hoodie, walking to see his girlfriend, and slamming his bedroom door leaving u sat on his bed

yes u were nosy Muahahahahah

so u pressed ur ear against the door to listen to their conversation

“sora, im so sorry i slept in late i promise ill make it up to you please baby dont be mad”

you had to stifle your laughter with your hand

God this was gold

“heeseung why didnt you tell me you lived with a girl.”

oooooooh hes in trouble you laugh to yourself

“ah about that.. im sorry i didnt tell you.. dont worry though, you know i only like you! shes just my roommate”

ouch

Why did that hurt 😪

“whatever heeseung.. ill call you later” and then you heard the door slam

already???? you were ready to get ur popcorn :///

you didnt even notice it had been a while before the door opened with you still leaning on it

boom u fell on the floor

“ow”

“shut up” he said before jumping face down on his bed

you stand up to lean against his door again, staring pitifully at the boy

“you okay?” you cross your arms

“mmm” he mumbles into his pillow

“you know i think i deserve a treat for being woken up at 7am on a sunday by your little girlfriend”

“little? shes taller than you” he turned around to lay on his back and chuckle

“oh so you’re making jokes right now when your girlfriend might break up with you?” you glare at him

“shes not gonna break up with me over something this little” he rolls his eyes and grabs his phone from his nightstand

“you know you’re a little piece of shit heeseung!” you yell out to him after you walked out of his room

“how?!” he yelled back

“treat your girlfriend better!”

he kept his mouth shut after that

yeah you two didnt talk for the rest of the day because he stayed in his room sulking or whatever

fast forward to now

Right after he asked u to get him the chocolates and flowers

“please y/n, sora is gonna be here in 2 hours and i need to get everything ready and i dont have enough time to do everything” he begged

WITH THOSE CUTE LITTLE PUPPY DOG EYES OF HIS GOD

“do you really need them from stacys though???” you whined

he just huffed and glared at you “yes! sora only likes them from there.”

“nuh uh mister dont give me that look” you narrow your eyes at him

he immediately stops his glare and tries to look neutral

it almost made you laugh

you just looked at him for a few seconds before giving up

“fine. but what am i getting in return?”

his eyes lit up and traveled up as he was in thought

“hmmm ill buy you food whenever you want for a month”

Wow

“woah thats more than i bargained for but deal!” he didnt realize that until after you shook his hand, very enthusiastically might i add

Lol

so now you were on your way home with the MASSIVE bouquet of roses and beautifully wrapped chocolates sitting nice and snug in the passenger seat of your car

these two things costed $115

oh well its heeseungs money not yours

you found it amusing because heeseung was nowhere near rich so where was he finding this money to blow

over an hour later and ur finally back home

u open the door

u struggled very much btw

almost dropped everything haha

but woah......

your eyes widened and your mouth fell open

“heeseung? you didn’t tell me you two were having the date here..”

as soon as you walked in you smelled a pretty scent and the lighting was dim

it was beautiful

there were candles lit on every surface

rose petals were scattered messily everywhere

the two seater dining table was topped with elegant decor

there was quiet jazz music playing from his speaker

the familiar aroma of your favorite food hit you

standing there in your apartment didnt feel real

it felt like you were in a dream

you couldnt believe your apartment could turn into room from a fairytale

you were never one to be into disney princesses and fantasies

but for the first time ever you almost wished for a prince charming yourself

you almost got lost in a trance

and then....

the boy himself walked out

donned in an all black suit with a sliver of the white undershirt peeking underneath and the white tie

his bangs were covering his forehead and you noticed he styled them to be wavy

he had his earrings in and rings were present on 3 of his fingers

he looked absolutely dazzling

you dont know how or why.. but your heart began to race

why did this feel like it was for you...?

you wanted to be his disney princess

staring at him wistfully, it felt like time had stopped

“oh thanks y/n, i almost thought you ditched me” he chuckled quickly

he was frantic and out of breath as he snatched the things out of your hand

“right!” he began as he sped around the room setting everything up

“im sorry but i forgot to ask if you could leave for today. im such an idiot, im sorry y/n.. you can stay at a friends house or something for the night?” he didnt even look at you as he perfected the chocolates on the counter and the plates on the table

you couldnt help but notice your heart clench and your stomach twist at his words

you were still glued to your spot infront of the door

“o-oh! yeah, okay thats fine ill get my stuff now” you scurry to your room

you speedily threw some clothes and necessities in a bag before walking back to him

“hey..”

he didnt look at you

“helloooo”

“heeseung” you poke him

he finally turned to you

“sorry what?” he gazed down at you with big eyes

“its okay.. just wanted to let you know im leaving now” you give him a small smile

“oh right! thank you y/n again” he grinned

his pretty smile

“you look great by the way... have fun” you manage to say before slipping out the door

you didnt let him reply back because if you stayed in there a second longer you think you would’ve fallen in love with him

where did these feelings come from...?

you smack yourself on your forehead as youre walking down the steps to your car

ur probably just feeling like this because no man has ever done anything like that for u

and seeing it in real life made u want a bf 😟😟

yeah... thats it

so now ur at sunoos house

a close friend from your finance class

he lives in his parents house but theyre never home so he basically owns the place and doesn’t have to pay for it

Yeah u kinda envy the boy

but you love him because hes great

“y/n ..do you like him????” sunoo gasps

you guys are watching tangled for the 10th time and you were explaining what happened back at your apartment

“what? where did you get that from?” you snort, your eyes still focused on the movie

you could literally feel his eyes piercing into your soul with that stare

“the way you were telling me that story.... you sounded a bit jealous if i do say so myself..” he raises his eyebrow and leans back into the couch

“i do not like heeseung, sunoo” your eyes roll and you turn to look at him finally

he has a little smirk as he looks at u suspiciously

“hmmm okay, i get it” he raises his arms in defense and surrenders “you don’t wanna talk about it”

you scoff and laugh at his actions “you’re so annoying”

so ..*time skip* lol

you slept at sunoos for the night

it wasnt anything new bc u used to stay at his alot while u were in the process of moving into your apartment

one of his guest rooms is practically urs bc u have some decorations and spare clothes there :P

when you woke up that sunday morning you realized you forgot to set an alarm

so now its like 11am

well its not like you needed to be home so you shrugged it off

“morning” u said to sunoo when u saw him sitting on the couch watching wreck it ralph

boy loves his movies

“when are you going home?”

“wow rude.... not even a good morning back??” you found him amusing

“sorry, good morning. when are you going home” he turned his head to look at you

it made you laugh

Sunoo is so funny u love him

“do u wanna get rid of me that bad??? i hate you”

“ni-ki and jungwon are coming over today and i dont want you smothering them like you always do” he playfully glares at you

NI-KI AND JUNGWON???!!!??!!!!!!

“MY BABIES????” you exclaim and jump on the couch next to sunoo

“yes” he exasperatingly says

“now leave before they get here”

“WHAT?? no im staying because i wanna see them”

“NO!!!! now get out of my house y/n”

“why not?!!???! sunoo please i bet they miss me so much”

“y/n please.. they do NOT miss you”

“they literally do i always make them cookies and theyre like y/n ur so cool we love you”

“u mustve been hallucinating....”

“sunoo please please please i dont wanna go home” u tried to muster up the cutest puppy dog eyes ever

he looked at your face for a moment

“no u look ugly”

“YOU’RE SO ANNOYING” you push him

“theyre coming back tomorrow you can come then! today is boys night”

“boys night?” you snort “what the fuck are u kids gonna do that i cant be around for?”

“SHUT UP Y/N get out of my house!” he just starts to drag you out of his house himself

“ow oW OKAY fine ill leave... have fun doing.. whatever you’re gonna do” you grab your bag and start to head for the door

sunoo slams the door in ur face after he says “bye dont come back please” 😭😭😭

“asshole!” u yell to him thru the door

you just huff and stand on his porch for a second

you wonder if heeseung still has his girlfriend over and decide to text him

y/n🦧: hi can i come back home

welp

now ur sitting on sunoos porch waiting for a reply

10 minutes pass while ur scrolling on your phone and still no reply

you look up when you hear the front door open

“why are you still here?” sunoo frowns at you

“heeseung didnt answer my text and i dont wanna go back if his girlfriend is still there” you reply

“go home y/n plz.... i lied jungwon and ni-ki arent coming over.. my grandparents are” he tries to shoo you away

“why would you lie about that” you laugh

“theyre really mean! but you can come back tomorrow because the boys are actually gonna be here.. now go because my grumpy grandparents are gonna be here in like 5 minutes” he guides your shoulders down his porch

“ugh.. if his girlfriend is still there its your fault” you pout

“wha- how is that my- whatever y/n go home!!!”

when you drive off you dramatically wave your hand to him trying to show how desperately you did not wanna go home

sunoo just giggles and runs back inside

you drove home extra slow Lol

and now you were at the door contemplating whether or not you just make a run for it

but u said fuck it because u missed the comforts of ur own room

well u knocked a little before unlocking the door

how embarrassing to be knocking on the door of ur own home 💀

you didnt get an immediate answer so u just stood outside in the apartment hallway....waiting....

after waiting for like 30 seconds (because ur impatient) you knock again

well i tried to be nice you thought

you finally gave up and unlocked the door with your keys, kind of slowly opening the door to peek in

hmmm.... nothing

the sun was emitting some rays of light through one of the windows but none of the lights were on

and why was there food still on the table..?

you were kind of afraid to go see heeseung

but

you did notice one thing

there wasn’t a pair of shoes u didnt recognize sitting on the rack by the door

so... is his girlfriend not here or did she bring her shoes to his room lol..

“hello?” you unconfidently called out to nobody in particular

no answer

you slipped your shoes off quietly and tiptoed towards the hallway that included both of your rooms across from eachother

the kitchen and living room looked untouched

to describe u being confused would be an understatement

you set your bag down on your bed and then made your way to heeseung.. just to check on him

you were genuinely so confused rn

you thought they would be cuddling on the couch or talking in his room or something but it was dead silent throughout the house

“heeseung?” you soft knocked on the door of his bedroom

surely he couldnt still be asleep.. it was noon on a monday and heeseung would normally be up by 10 because he said he would “start being a more productive man” as he said it

you always laughed at him because he used to wake up at like 3pm on days he didnt have class

anyways you didnt get an answer which was slightly concerning because you didnt forget to take note that you saw his car in the parking garage when you arrived

“i’m coming in” you called out to him before twisting the knob and pushing the door open

you realized you might be crossing a line and he’d get upset at you for invading his privacy but you were honestly worried for your friend

at first you didn’t see him

his room was empty, not a single person in sight

that is until you further examined the big lump on his bed

“heeseung? what...” you walked over to the lump that you only knew was him because you could see a bit of his hair peeking out from the top

“um.. am i interrupting something..” you awkwardly said, debating whether or not to go closer

he wasn’t saying anything so you guessed he was sleeping

how odd for him

you wanted to just check real quick and then you’d leave his room

so your feet padded softly against his wooden floor as you made your way over to him

and you bent down a little to kind of tug the huge blanket away from his face

as you got closer you also noticed his girlfriend wasnt here

the first thing you noticed was that he was definitely not asleep

your eyes widened and your hand instinctively went to his face to cup his cheek

“are you okay?! why are you crying?” you quickly asked, your eyebrows were furrowed in worry

in your months living with him you have never seen him show any emotional feelings in front of you and it almost made you panic

his eyes locked onto yours before he looked away from you and closed his eyes

he still hasnt said anything and you really didnt know what to do in this situation

you took your hand off his cheek before sighing

now you’re just sat on the side of his bed just looking at him.. wondering what to do

you were sure he wasn’t sleeping even though his eyes were shut and he wouldnt move

but you sat there for 5 minutes and he didnt seem to mind

“sora broke up with me”

he finally broke the silence

...

you didnt know what to say

you couldnt ask if he was okay when he obviously wasnt

“do you wanna talk about it? you looked over to heeseung to see him staring at you

“not really” he broke eye contact once again and looked up towards the ceiling

“later i will.. just not now” he breathed out

you nodded at that, understanding his situation

you felt terrible for the boy

his eyes were red and his voice was all nasally like he’d been crying

“i’ll leave you alone now..” you patted his big blanket fluff to lighten the mood and walked out his stuffy room

hours had passed while he was stuck in that room and you didnt know what to do

it was 7pm already

you spent the day watching tv in the living room

but it was dinner time and you made ramen (his fav!!!) in hopes that he would come out of there

“heeseung you’ve gotta eat” you knock on his door again

you had told him to eat at 2 earlier but he insisted that he wasnt hungry

you were surprised when he instantly opened the door and your hand was still in midair as you were knocking

if your hand moved an inch you wouldve been knocking on his chest which you found very funny but you didnt think this was the right time for jokes

“hi” you looked up at him

he was wearing his purple beanie with sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt

he definitely looked better than he did this morning which you thanked god for

“hey” he gave u this look :]

“you okay? i made ramen.. can you smell it” you kinda giggled

“yeah, thanks” he tried to send you a small smile which you were thankful for

“okay well come eat because i worked very hard on it” you turned on your heels and went towards the tiny kitchen island with two seats

he followed you and sat next to you as you gave him his bowl and chopsticks

“bon appetit!” you clapped your hands before digging in

you were proud of urself ngl... the ramen was smacking

“thank you y/n” he said softly

you refused to admit it but he was.. So Cute

“no problem, just eat” you grinned

and you two ate in silence for a good 15 minutes

he said he would do the dishes after you were done which was relieving because you wanted to go jump in your bed and watch tiktoks very badly

there was a slight awkwardness in the air too so you wanted to let that cool off too

so now you were cuddled up in our bed with your phone very close, almost too close, to your face

and you could hear the sink running as heeseung washed the dishes

you silently prayed he was feeling better and that he would be over it soon

the sink turned off and you could hear his footsteps coming towards the hallway

what surprised you was that you heard knocks on your bedroom door

“can i come in?” he asked

“yeah its open” you replied

u had to get out of ur blanket cocoon :///

you watched him stride over to sit next you on your bed

he even got under the covers and laid down like dang lmao u getting comfy i guess

“whats up?” you were sitting up while he was laying on your pillows

“so.. she broke up with me last night” he spoke while hugging one of your plushies

oh OHH so this is what this is about

“oh.. are you feeling better now?”

“yeah i think.. we only dated for 4 months but i really liked her....”

“did she say why she did?” you asked

“she said she found someone else. i dont know if you know this but shes a year older than me and she told me she wasnt into younger guys which doesnt even make any sense because her ex was younger than her too and-”

“okay heeseung” you laugh “people are like that, you just gotta deal with it”

“yeah yeah, i know” he sighed “i dont know.. i dont know if im sad i lost her or if im sad over the fact that i dont have a girlfriend anymore”

“was she your first girlfriend?”

“me? y/n” he laughed “ive had plenty before”

“oh” you didnt even wanna ask

“why? have you never had a boyfriend or something?” he joked

“no....” you trailed off, unable to look him in the eye out of embarrassment

you were never even embarrassed about that but for some reason admitting it to heeseung made you shy

“what?! no way” he was actually shocked

“yes way now can we change the topic this is terrible” you roll your eyes and shove a plushie in his face

“awee little y/n” he teased you

“get out” you snickered

“okay okay fine.. but yeah i think i’ll be okay. she broke up with me as soon as she got here so all of my planning was for nothing. i think that was what devastated me the most, i had no one to eat with”

you wanted to yell I LITERALLY EXIST soooo bad

Why is he so stupid.......

“thats sad...” you said

you wanted to laugh at your reply bc what else could you say

“yeah anyways you dont have to worry about taking care of me while im sulking or whatever im cool now’

“well that was quick.. you were acting like a baby this morning now ur this tuff guy” you tease

“yeah yeah i dont even know why i was acting like that” his cheeks went pink

“im just kidding” you send a small smile his way “you know im always here for you right? dont be afraid to be a little emotional sometimes” you reach over to pat his head

“thanks y/n” he smiles “you’re a really great friend”

ouch

yeah.. friend

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