#Communication assertive
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Comment arrêter à vouloir plaire à tout le monde et apprendre à dire NON ?
Comment arrêter à vouloir plaire à tout le monde et apprendre à dire NON ?
Beaucoup de personnes ont tendance à perdre leur identité lorsqu’elles cherchent à plaire aux autres. Leur désir de maintenir une harmonie sociale et de satisfaire les autres peut se retourner contre elles, entraînant de l’anxiété et de la dépression. Cependant, il est possible d’apprendre à devenir plus assertif, à…
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#Apprendre à dire non#Assertivité#Authenticité#Autonomie#Équilibre personnel#Établir des limites#Bien-être émotionnel#Communication assertive#confiance en soi#dire non#Estime de soi#Gestion du stress#Guérir de la maladie de vouloir plaire#Identité personnelle#Relations saines#Retrouver son identité#S&039;affirmer
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Let me make this very clear:
When it comes to Hellenic Polytheism, there is no human religious authority, especially not one that stands before or speaks for the gods.
It does not matter what someone tells you. It does not matter if they claim to be a priestess/priest of X deity or a messenger for Y deity. It does not matter what their supposed past life was like. It does not matter if they claim to be the literal fucking Oracle of Apollo.
No one has the right to tell you how to worship the gods. No one has the right to assert their authority over your religion.
And most of all, remember that people can and do lie.
#helpol#hellenic polytheism#hellenic pagan#deity worship#hellenic worship#deity work#tagging this with non-helpol tags because i feel this is a message even the wider pagan community needs to hear#the amount of people I've met who pose as some religious authority is genuinely disgusting#many of these people claimed these things in order to control others in some way#i think that's honestly fucking revolting#as a disclaimer: if you have it in your own practice that you are a “priestess/priest” that's fine#but do no attempt to assert some sort of self-given authority over others#because at the end of day your experience is just that: YOUR experience#do not force others to conform to YOUR experience; they have their OWN experience to learn from#paganblr#polytheism#paganism#pagan#reminder
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Any idea to know what to do and say in terms of conflict?
Depersonalize others' comments & actions
Perceive the person's intentions – are they seeking war or peace?
If their intentions are sound, enter the conversation with the mindset of two individuals vs. a problem – decouple their humanity, emotions, wants, and needs from external factors & situations
Seek to understand, not win through your conversation
Approach the conversation from a solutions-oriented POV
Remember that compromise means both parties walk away happy or at least content with the outcome – self-sacrifice has no place in conflict resolution or negotiation
Hope this helps xx
#conflict resolution#interpersonal skills#interpersonal communication#interpersonal relationships#people skills#work culture#relationship tips#friend advice#interpersonal effectiveness#self confidence#communication skills#femmefatalevibe#q/a#social skills#assertive communication#self improvement
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I love love love Owl Song, will Cass and the rest of the Batkids appear? And if so, when and how? Bc I want to see Cass and Dick nonverbally bonding ✨
Well, as of now Owl Song is still on track to end with Ethiopia so, probably not >.<
Although I think Dick would be very unnerved by Cass at first. He’s not used to humans being so quiet and communicating with body language alone, so he (rightfully) clocks her as a potential threat at first. Cass obviously recognizes this and would deliberately put herself into situations where she’s vulnerable and Dick would have a very easy time to injure her (similarly to how puppies expose their bellies to other dogs in a “I’m not a threat please accept me as pack” kind of way).
Eventually Dick would relax a little and watch closely if she’s just as docile around his other (squishy) family members. Once he’d ascertain that she’s no threat to any of them he’d tentatively allow her closer to the nest, and after a few days invite her inside for obligatory cuddle sessions by giving her a first coo (opposed to the wary hoots and chitters of before).
Cass fits herself so carefully inside the nest Dick gets impatient and just pulls her into the pile of limbs with a huff.
Dick feels a bit bad about not inviting her earlier because she’s radiating such unbridled joy-soft-love-content-gratefulness he doesn’t know how he could ever assume she’d hurt them. She’s as much a protector as he is.
#Cass would communicate more with head tilts and subtle movements than bird calls#so her and dick still have a bit of a rough start#but they both read body language like champs so there’s that#still dick knows she’s a skilled assassin#they wouldn’t get along right away#after Jason dick is much too paranoid to allow any kind of threat near his family#or what’s left of it anyway#Cass only ever sees sad-grief-protective-love-despair when she looks at him#and she doesn’t know why but it’s so acute she grieves with him#he’s so scared she’ll hurt his family#but she won’t#and if dick needs to hurt her to see that she’ll allow it#dick doesn’t of course#but it takes a bit for him to trust Cass#and realize she’ll protect the family just as fiercely as him#Cass asserts herself as the oldest sister#she’ll protect him just as fiercely as he does them#batfamily#dick grayson#batfam#bruce wayne#robin#jason todd#tim drake#cassandra cain#owl song
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Fuckk dude
I love trans guys who become large, muscular, bearded men
I love trans guys who wear knitted cardigans and have stubble on their chins and callous on their fingers
I love trans guys who wear short shorts and accentuate their tiny waists
I love trans guys who look more manly than most cis men
I love trans guys who look more feminine than most women
I love trans guys who conform and don’t conform to masculinity, who are their own men, who define their manhood by who they are, not what people tell them that they are. I love trans guys who embrace masculinity and thrive with dramatic physical transformations. I love trans guys who love the femininity of their bodies.
Trans guys don’t conform to neat little categories and a gender framework made up by western culture. Trans guys are diverse and beautiful and wonderful and all of them should be celebrated as the men that they are.
#i was deeply scarred by kalvin garrah okay#i spent years trying to be a woman because i wanst the ‘right’ sort of man to assert his place in the world despite the body he was born in#conversely#i spent years wishing i was a woman because misandry in the queer community has made it a hostile place for some queer men#and i just think#that we deserve to exist in our own right#with the support of our labels and the freedom of shunning the constraints of linguistics#that masculinity and femininity are equally valuabe#eautiful#gentle#and strong#and perfect in all their variations and cominations#ftm#ftnb#transmasc#trans man#mlm#t4t
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I need some of you to stop trying to find homosexual romances in straight media and actually sit down and start supporting the LGBTQ+ media that’s already out there.
#Liz speaks#Liz rants#as a member of the lgbtq+ community not everything is gay#men can be affectionate with each other without it being gay#I think it’s a very inherently American worldview to think otherwise#men can and should be affectionate with each other without it being romantic in intent#ship what you want but stop asserting that it’s canon#because it’s not#and again#go support relationships in media or media in general that has explicitly queer themes#so we can have more queer media#why is this so hard?#anyway#I thought the chicken was lovely
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you ever think about how MK never gets a chance to really define himself?
#had this thought while driving home#like he barely even gets any chance to place some identity other than monkie kid and delivery boy bc he always gets interrupted#every villain has their own preconceived notion on who and what he is#Demon Bull family saw him as a ‘little thief’ and ‘noodle boy’#Spider Queen called him junior or something????#Macky even told MK that he is nothing w/o the staff. He also projected a lot of his anger with swk to MK bc he saw a lot of similarities#LBD did one better and shattered his own self worth by feeding into his insecurities and trying to mold him into her pawn (champion? will w#ever know what she wanted and why she wanted Mac to capture mk and swk???? what was their role that she wanted them to play???)#Azure even tries to assert his own perceptions on MK in the special and oh boy how he snaps back (🥰 so satisfying)#‘Oh there’s nothing mindless about me…friend’ <- one of the rare times MK puts his foot down when other try to assume what he is#I betchu s5 will focus on MK grappling with his identity bc we laid some foundations he is ok with acknowledging it#But actually processing what this meant for him? I have a guess that he wants to avoid that#And the ironic part is that swk (if he knew which I think so) is now the one trying to get MK to communicate his thoughts and feelings#It’s swk who warned MK about the dangers of hiding or avoiding huge issues like having a giant & powerful monkey form#bc swk has spent like the past 3 seasons doing the opposite of what he’s preaching to MK at the special (this is why i love him he’s trying#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk mk#lmk qi xiaotian#qi xiaotian
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Comment se comporter avec une personne qui vous culpabilise ?
Comprendre la dynamique de la culpabilisation
La culpabilisation est une tactique de manipulation émotionnelle utilisée par certaines personnes pour exercer un contrôle sur les autres. Lorsque vous êtes confronté à une personne qui vous culpabilise, il est important de comprendre la dynamique en jeu. La culpabilisation peut prendre différentes formes, telles que des reproches constants, des…
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#Affirmation de soi#Bien-être émotionnel Estime de soi#Communication assertive#culpabilisation#Dynamique relationnelle#Gestion des émotion#Limites personnelles#Manipulation émotionnelle#Relation toxique
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If you make me feel unwanted, I won't message you anymore.
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Ngl it's weird finishing the Knuckles tv show and going to tumblr about it only for people (even who I consider bigger name fans) who also watched the entire show to claim that it "confirmed Knuckles Wachowski"
Like
I'm sorry
Did you somehow miss the part in the last episode where Knuckles had a whole montage of hanging with the Whipple family and Wade and saying "home" or something?
#sonic the hedgehog#knuckles series#knuckles the echidna#knuckles 2024#knuckles whipple#sonic movie#knuckles 2024 spoilers#knuckles series spoilers#fandom wank#Sorry do you just think that this entire show was a sidequest so Knuckles could go back to the Wachowski house and be their kid now like#nothing ever happened?#In the show where episode 1 clearly showed that Knuckles couldn't mesh with the household and that Sonic considered him a roommate?#This place was not home for him. The show was about him finding home. How is the Wachowski household Knuckles' home after he had an epiphany#that his home was with the whipple family??#Ah wait sorry how could I forget. Sonic fans are just used to absorbing canon with a toothpick and picking the parts they like and then#claiming their headcanons for filling in the gaps are canon#Only the things they personally like are what happened of course#Sorry for being salty I'm just annoyed. Like you can have whatever headcanons or fanon you want. Heck I loved all those 'maddie is knuckles'#mom' comics and whatnot. I'm not even saying we have to interpret the media the same way. But Knuckles having a montage and calling being#with the whipple family 'home' happened. That happened.#A friend and I are running a bet that most people won't acknowledge that it happened unless Sonic movie 3 shoves it in our faces#The universe tests me every day by having put me into Sonic fandom. It is a constant test of one's soul not only to exist in proximity of a#community who you often disagree on big points with‚ but to watch a bunch of loud people claim things are canon but only accept textual#evidence when it serves them. Or to explain a little better#to watch a fandom try to build an 'accepted idea' of what canon is like that becomes so divorced from actual canon that you get people#saying that it's canon and ignoring anything that doesn't fit it because 'writing bad anyways'#Like guys please I am grasping your shoulders. If you don't like canon just say 'fuck you I'm going to make content of this because I think#it's better'. You don't have to assert that everything you believe is canon and ignore when it's not#i just be ramblin
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Even though we didn't get official line confirmation, it is my definitive reality that Halsin took Yenna to Reithwin with him as well if she survived the Orin thing (with Grub very firmly in tow, of course). In fact, she was the first one he adopted.
#it's the ending i deserve i think#BG3 Musing#Halsin Posting#halsin having to have that important conversation with her asking if she wants to come#that he will not force her but that his new home is open to her#and that he knows he (or the rest of the community) will not be able to replace her mother but that he would make sure#that she was cared for and looked after and safe and loved#and yenna chewed her lip a moment in consideration and in that shaky assertive voice said yes but only if my cat can come#grub's much happier in the commune too - way less people to step on his tail and yenna is happy there#halsin has a little spot under a big tree where he lets the little ones leave flowers for their parents if they need to#because he took comfort in the grandfather tree when his parents died so he figures that the spirits in rethwin#would also make for good comfort - they can sit as long as they want#and they can talk afterwards if they want#and no i don't believe halsin believes in like legal adoption - but he does very much believe in found family#and the strength of those connections#so if he wishes to call yenna his child it is just as valid
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allegedly there's a middle ground between "passive aggressive and indirect" and "annoying and rude" but I have yet to find conclusive evidence of it
#really though this is just because I am STILL fucked up from a horrible 'friendship' where she nitpicked#every attempt I made at communication about stuff that was at all fraught or emotional#that was a whole thing. god she sucked so much. no idea why I listened to her or believed that she was good at communication#and therefore worth listening to#realktalk in hindsight she DID sexually harass me a little and also was probably a bit emotionally abusive. lol.#that woman made me sooooooo mentally ill and continues to haunt my life#life#anyway. this post is actually about me once again trying to figure out how to assert my emotional needs. heurgh.
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@rosekoite asked me to say more about assertive communication due to this post. This is very simplified but here we go.
⚠️ LONG POST! ⚠️
INTRODUCTION
Assertiveness is the ability to express yourself truthfully and honestly while respecting yourself and others, in a way that's adequate contextually and based on your personal goals. The purpose of assertive communication is to be authentic and honest with ourselves and others. Period. Its point is NOT to obtain things from others and it's NOT a "better" or more efficient way of communicating in that sense.
In fact, very importantly, sometimes assertive communication IS NOT the best choice. For example, there are work situations during which you won't choose to be assertive and honest with your boss if you want to keep your job. There's a time and place for assertive communication and it's a choice you have to make depending on what's important to you at that time (eg keeping your job or being authentic?).
So why choose assertive communication when you can? When used adequately, it helps you clarify your needs, thoughts, and opinions. It makes you feel more in line with yourself. It teaches you to listen to yourself, and to express yourself and your needs. It helps with self confidence, self esteem, and trust in others. It can also help during conflicts. It makes you feel more in control of your life and better overall. I'd say it also helps with mentalizing, which is the ability to understand your and other people's mental states.
TYPES OF COMMUNICATION
Communication between two people works like this :
The responsibility is shared 50/50 between the two people. As the source, you're responsible for expressing all the relevant information clearly, honestly, and in a way that's coherent verbally and non verbally. As the receiver, you're responsible for being available and attentive. However, the message also goes through the context of your relationship, as well as a communication channel (aka it's not the same thing to talk face to face, on the phone, or by text), and this can lead to misunderstandings and distorsions.
According to this model there are different types of communications that we may all use at different times :
Inhibited behavior leads you to not express how you feel or what you think because you feel like you're less entitled to do so than others, you're scared you're going to be judged, or you put others needs and opinions before your own.
Aggressive behavior leads you to force how you feel and think upon others, and not leave any space for them to express themselves. You do not listen to what they have to say, and do not take what they feel and think into account.
Manipulative behavior can be lying, or just not being completely truthful about how you feel or what you think, but also irony, sarcasm, any type of communication that's indirect (making light of things that aren't, making someone else express your opinion for you, exaggerating, etc.)
Now the goal of assertive behavior is to minimize the distorsions and respect the 50/50 division of the responsibility in the communication by expressing truthfully and directly how you feel and what you think, without justifying yourself, in a way that's coherent on the verbal and non verbal level.
Again it doesn't mean it will "work" in the end in the sense of producing your desired outcome. However it will work in 1) respecting yourself by expressing yourself instead of silencing yourself 2) respecting the other party by not overpowering them 3) being honest, truthful, and authentic.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN IN PRACTICE?
Assertiveness requires 3 things :
Attitude : being sincere, honest with yourself and others, but also open to hearing their side of things and accepting that it might be different to yours
Involvement : talking about yourself, your emotions, and your thoughts as long as they're not disrespectful to the other party. Do NOT generalise. This is about YOU.
Precision : stay focused on a specific, clear aspect of things. If you're talking about something else, focus on behaviors and not character. Try to stay on the factual side of things rather than get into opinions.
EXAMPLES :
COMPLIMENT SOMEONE
(eg you like someone's content)
Don't : your blog is cool! (you're not involved, you're not precise!)
Do : I love the edits you post on your blog, I find them really beautiful.
RECEIVE A COMPLIMENT
(eg someone likes your edits)
Don't : aw thanks! or nah it's nothing! (you're maybe not honest, you're not involved, you're not precise!)
Do : I really appreciate your kind words it makes me very happy OR if you honestly disagree with the compliment which is ok as well thank you, I'm not too happy with this edit myself
EXPRESS A NEED, ASK FOR SOMETHING
(eg you're getting disrespectful anons)
Don't : not say anything or answer them kindly anyway or answer them unkindly (it's not precise, it's not honest, it's not involved)
Do : I would like it if you were more polite next time, I don't like being talked to that way
(remember : sometimes being assertive is not the best choice, you don’t need to engage every hateful anon, this is an example)
SAY NO, NEGOTIATE
(eg your anon is demanding you write the next chapter of your fic)
Don't : sorry I will get to it as soon as I can or fuck off anon or the problem is I'm having so much work and I broke my favorite mug and... (you're not honest! you're not precise! you're justifying yourself!)
Do : No. You can elaborate depending on how you feel IF YOU WANT but be careful not to start justifying yourself : I feel pressured when you keep asking or I'm worried you're going to be disappointed with me, but I can't/don't want to right now.
EXPRESS CRITICISM, DISAGREE
(eg anon is hateful again)
Don't : fuck you or you're an idiot (you're getting overwhelmed by your emotions, you're generalizing, you're not precise, you're not involved)
Do : I understand that you are frustrated but it hurts me when you do this / I don’t appreciate the way you’re talking to me (and I will not accept it)
RECEIVE CRITICISM
When receiving criticism, we will initially assume the person is justified and not wishing us harm.
Don't : you're just being a hater fuck you or omg they're right I suck as a person (you're getting overwhelmed by your emotions, you're not precise, you're not listening)
Do : clarify if necessary I don't understand what I did wrong can you explain it to me? then either agree and commit to doing better I admit that I was too aggressive in my answer and I will be more mindful from now or don't agree and ask for clarification I was not aggressive towards you so can you clarify what it is that made you angry?
BUT! Maybe the person is unjustified and does wish us harm! If so, there's several possibilities
You want to keep the relationship : clarify (if necessary or if they’re attacking your character instead of criticizing specific behaviors) + concede more or less vaguely + ask the person to do better in return = I'm sorry I don't understand what I did wrong can you explain it to me? [...] Okay I hear you, there's stuff I'm doing that you don't like. I want to say it's not clear to me what you're unhappy with and it makes me confused, I would like it if you were more precise so I can do better next time.
You want to keep the relationship but the person is taking it too far : refuse the confrontation = I refuse to talk to you when you're talking to me that way / I want to talk this through with you but I'm not feeling heard right now so I'll come back later + physically LEAVE
You don't care about the relationship : stay vague + stop the conversation + leave = It's your opinion, I'm not interested in talking about this further + LEAVE
These are all very simplified examples and it may seem a bit artificial at first but it gets easier with practice. Remember to 1) talk about yourself 2) be honest 3) be precise.
On the other hand, you also need to handle the other 50% of the communication aka receiving. Listen and be attentive. Accept that they might not agree with you, might think differently, might not be able to give you what you want. We're not trying to convince anyone here, we're just trying to be honest with ourselves and others.
Finally I want to remind everyone that as with all psychological tools, it is a TOOL and some people will use it in wrong ways. First of all, using these as a way to obtain things from people is NOT assertive communication, it's manipulation. Second of all, it doesn't mean that this tool is not useful when used properly!
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apologies for yosukeposting and especially incoherently but slowboiling in my brain whatever the hell was going on w him in kanji’s dungeon. guy who slingshots between some kinda fraught observation that this is so much worse for kanji because it’s happening in front of an audience (over like. freaking out about it), furiously asserting that he’s heterosexual, insinuating danger but then also being the one who volunteers to take kanji home afterwards.
It’s sooooooooooooooo.
#I’m naurt.#conveying it well.#but there’s some kinda something about which elements prickle his unease#exposure to the wider community#the topic of sexuality that falls outside of what is normative being introduced AT ALL#but he’s. not scared of kanji. he never has been tbh#I don’t think he would volunteered to take him home and essentially make sure he got there safely if he was#imo it’s more that like. kanji doesn’t reject the shadow’s assertions where yosuke would#and there isn’t a world in his sixteen (?) year old brain where you SHOULDNT do that lmao#if you’re a guy you like girls and you don’t get hugged when you’re sobbing your heart out etc etc#a guy’s a guy and when that doesn’t mean what he thinks it has to mean anymore that’s deeply uncomfortable for him to unpack#it brings to the forefront his own doubts and insecurities#and kanji accepts that in himself where Yosuke can’t I don’t think#doesn’t question a lot of time and builds his identity around it#but he can’t erase the questions people like kanji and naoto raise because like. it’s intimately relevant to HIM lmao#and it’s how he understands a core part of himself#even if that’s built on sand#congrats! you’ve discovered the patriarchal and heteronormative hegemony!#tunes talks persona#I think it goes largely unspoken and deliberately avoided with him but what kanji wrestles w in regards to conciling his sense of identity#to wider society is like. that’s him too lmao
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How Macaque's dependency could have affected His and Wukong's relationship
following this post
I think that the past Macaque might have depended on Wukong as his only support, or his biggest source of support.
And of course Relying solely on one person as your sole support can result in various consequences:
Dependency:
Mac's emotional well-being and sense of security might have been intricately linked to Wukong's presence and support. When Wukong failed to provide that support due to his own struggles (when he failed and faced punishment), it could have triggered feelings of abandonment, frustration, and even panic in Mac.
Loss of Emotional Anchor:
Wukong served as Mac's emotional anchor, and when that anchor is suddenly unavailable, it can lead to a sense of emotional disorientation. Macaque might not have developed the skills to manage his emotions and challenges independently, and this loss of stability could contribute to his anger and blame towards Wukong.
Feelings of Betrayal or Neglect:
Macaque might interpret Wukong's pursuit of his goals that might lead to the inability to provide the same level of support as a form of betrayal or neglect. From Mac's perspective, he might feel that he sacrificed his own aspirations to be there for Wukong, but it's not the same the other way around.
Frustration and Vulnerability:
The frustration and vulnerability Macaque is experiencing due to Wukong's absence as his primary support could be channeled into blaming him for the current situation in the Mountain Scene. Macaque might not have the emotional tools to cope with his feelings. Also He tends to suppress his own concerns and desires, which eventually leads to built-up resentment that explodes later when he finally loses his support - Wukong.
This's unhealthy for both of them. Not only does it put a burden on the other person, but also when the other person crumbles (as humans often do), your only support crumbles too. You can't maintain a sound mind to be there for them because you're left trying to cope with the loss of support.
The other person slips up (as most humans do), they crumble, and thus your support crumbles. So they're the reason for your current lack of support. It's THEIR FAULT. (Note: This is one of Macaque's reasons because the situation is complex, but I want to highlight this aspect as it's often not discussed how Mac's dependency played a part in his behavior.)
All of this added to Macaque failing to cope and leaving Wukong when he needs him the most.
#They're so unhealthy#and so loving#it's hurt#they loved each other#and they hurt each other#and they hurt themselves#because of their own issues#It wasn't good to begin with#now add 1 scratch and it all crumble down#explode like a bubble#just#shadowpeach#past shadowpeach#lmk#lmk meta#meta#I wonder how much did Wukong know about Mac's dependency on him#poor Mac keeps expecting and disappointed on his own because his own issues created all this behaviours#him suppressing and failing to communicate clearly and assert himself to Wukong#Like now We have 2 non-talking monkeys#I wonder what could go wrong#lmk takes#mac analysis#analysis#mac meta#macaque#mac#swk#swk and mac#tag
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