#Because she's like. A person. And shouldn't be expected to always be perfect and moral and right | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mhsdatgo · 19 days

Note

To the point about Rhaenyra being boring, it continues to elude me why the producers, writers, and directors decided they needed to humanize Rhaenyra by downplaying if not outright removing her worst traits. That’s not humanizing, that’s sanitizing.

There are plenty of female characters that exist in fiction who are frustrating to morally ambiguous, to completely evil but still have their fans and are beloved, or at the very least compelling. The comparisons to Shiv Roy from Succession already exist, so I won’t belabor that point, but look at other shows like Mr. Robot, Better Call Saul, and if anyone really wants to press the button for feminism: The Handmaid’s Tale. Those shows have incredibly well-written female characters that aren’t necessarily paragons.

House of the Dragon choosing to center Rhaenyra as the protagonist as opposed to making her part of a true ensemble a la the original Game of Thrones wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. The narrative decision to frame her as heroic (as far as S1 is concerned) is how we get the ‘Protagonist Centered Morality/Unreliable Narrator’ trope that results in plenty of media literate fans that are either neutral or Green-leaning who feel frustrated that there’s not an equal balance between characters.

Perfectly put together, anon. I'm sorry I answered so late. -_-

There's nothing wrong with characters that are written to be good people, but you see, that only works when said character is written consistently and somewhat realistically. Something that the writers completely didn't do in Rhaenyra's case. Are you going to tell me I'm supposed to watch her go through Visenya's traumatic birth, which by the way, happened so quickly after learning that her father was dead, keep her calm, and find it believable?

There is no sense of reason when it comes to grief. None. When someone close to you is gone, you check out. They take a part of your mind away with them and sometimes you don't even realize it. Especially if it's as horrid, as painful and helpless as what Rhaenyra went through. I am not going to sit here and blame the Greens for that baby's death, for all we know of her she had dragon features and was 100% going to die either way. That is digestible for us viewers/readers, who have no connection for a baby mentioned in a few lines.

But Rhaenyra's her mother. And rightfully, when she loses her this way, she goes mad with grief. She wants someone to blame, she cannot cope with the idea that there is no one to blame in this situation, that it would've happened either way. So she blames her enemies, the Greens. She isn't right, but she isn't even sane anymore, she's just had a stillbirth, how can you expect her to think before she speaks?

But the show strips her completely of this anger, and makes her push for peace. Is it possible that not even THAT can make this perfect angel Qween lose her temper like any human would? I understand wanting to rid her of any sin so she looks like a Saint, but really, where's the flaw in being angry and irrational after your stillbirth?

I never liked Rhaenyra as a person but I was looking forward (I'm STILL looking forward lol) to the role she will play as a character, a literary device, a tool to tell a story. I'm not saying I hope they bring out the worst of her this season so more people have reasons to hate women and feel justified for it, but LET HER BE RIGHTFULLY ANGRY. I'M BEGGING YOU.

People will always choose and be more obsessed with the evil but interesting one, not the one who's got more morals. It's already been said in a post I saw not so long ago, but Luke shouldn't be winning polls for best character against OTTO HIGHTOWER of all people because we choose morality in none other than a world like ASOIAF. Please give characters nuance. There's so much potential they got lazy with using timeskips etc. already.

#house of the dragon #fire and blood #rhaenyra targaryen

26 notes · View notes

theerurishipper · 6 months

Note

Marinette a cruel person tbh. Even a psychopath or hell maybe im raising the bar a little too high but a stranger would be able comfort ChatNoir seeing his situation. The New York special and him spiraling made me despise her because someone fucking died to make this partnership work.... this isn't even inconsistent characterization from past seasons this is very consistent she's always been like this. Girl ain't willing to even see what underneath the mask eh? or believe he has other things to do besides fucking risking his life as a teenager im surprised their dynamic lasted as long as they did because she comes off very cold when it comes to her partner compared to Alya. Why she like that hell if I know had it been me i'd cuss her out or at least tell her off. How the hell you don't comfort a human being when they show their insecurities I don't know especially someone you've worked along with that saves paris numerous times.

I gotta ask if Chat Noir was more vocal and angry and actually lost it on her would it finally stick it in her damn head that he isn't someone who pops into existence defeating akumas but a very real boy underneath? You know I have know fucking clue personally what is so hard for her about that being a respectful partner and understanding that Chat is human. I remembered in origins he took more of a leading approach I think sorry my memory is dogcrap these days and yet he encouraged her and gave her confidence what so hard returning the favor back?

I mean, comparing her to Chloe? That's like choosing between a rock and a hard place. Chloe's got that villainess aura, sure, but at least she's upfront about it what expectation is there to be had for a cannon fodder villain like Chloe with a creator who hater her to the point even in-universe she still the story punching bag . Now Marinette, oh please, she's got this pristine "heroine white lotus" thing going on. It's like she can do no wrong, and the world just eats it up.

And don't get me started on Ephemeral. Talk about a masterclass in betrayal! She pulls a stunt that would make Judas proud, corrupts herself with power, and what? No consequences, no rules, just a free pass to wreak havoc. Must be nice living in Marinette's world where the rules only apply to us mere mortals.

And let's not forget her emotional boy toys, Luka and Adrien, just waiting there like loyal lapdogs, ready to clean up the mess she leaves behind. It's the Marinette show, and everyone else is just playing supporting roles in her drama.

But hey, who needs nuance when you've got that heroine Marinette halo shining so bright? It's the perfect excuse for her to mess up royally, and everyone will still be there, cheering her on with no accountability taken . The world's her playground, and we're just living in it.

I'm sorry for ranting it's just im done with her sorry if I made it negative for you.

Calling her a psychopath is too harsh ngl. I disagree with you on that. I don't think we should be throwing around words like that lightly.

But I do agree with your overall point. Very harsh, but pretty close to the mark. I also personally wouldn't compare her to Chloe, but then again, that all went out of the window after the Season 5 finale. I wouldn't call her cruel or evil, but she does benefit from the protagonist centered morality the show adopted in Season 4. Chat Noir shouldn't expect anything from her, and he should apologize for her mistakes because she can do no wrong. It sucks.

Thank you for your ask!

#MLB #Meta #Asks #ML Salt #ML Writing Salt #ML Writers Salt #Marinette Salt #Ladybug Salt

39 notes · View notes

ben-talks-art · 11 months

Text

Why I like Nimona

There are a lot of reasons to enjoy Nimona's character.

Her spunky nature, her fast-talking, her awesome design and powers, her charming personality and chemistry with other characters... Everything about her just screams "perfect character" to me. She's the kind of main lead I can just watch for hours and never get bored.

I was going into this thinking she was going to be like, say, the Genie from Alladin, or Bill Cypher, or The Mask, or Beetlejuice, you know, one of those fun characters who act like they're in their own little world while spitting some sassy funny lines and basically taking full advantage of the fact that they're cartoons by using shape-shifting to have some cool shenanigans.

But then I saw her motivations and her backstory, and started to look back at the way she behaved through the movie and... Yeah, no, she actually has a lot more depth and weight to her character than I was expecting, and it's handled in a surprisingly simple way.

(Possible spoilers for the movie)

The thing that really intrigued me about Nimona, which I don't see often, was the fact that she's basically a character who already learned the big important moral of the story but is stuck in a world where nobody else has.

The big message of the movie is that there is nothing wrong with her but people refuse to see that and keep making up problems that don't exist in order to justify creating distance from her simply because she's different.

And she knows that! She knows that they are the problem and not her, she knows she has done nothing wrong, she knows that they are the ones that need to change, she knows that being different isn't a crime... But it doesn't matter because that's still what everyone else thinks.

Her big tragedy is the fact that even though she has all these amazing powers to turn into anything, which basically makes her the most overpowered being in this whole story, and even though she knows she is on the right side of the situation, she still can't always change how most people feel about her, and even though she knows that she shouldn't let these negative feelings get to her, they still end up affecting her in a way she can't do anything about.

The whole movie is basically Nimona trying to convince us and herself that she's happy about who she is and about her life because she knows what the lesson is, she knows that she has all the reason in the world to love herself... But she just can't, because everyone and their moms keep telling her that there is something wrong with her, and after so long listening to this over and over it starts to pile up inside of her and becoming a part of who she is, a pain that she fights back against every day of her life.

Something that took me a while to understand was why she wanted to be someone's sidekick and not the boss herself? Why is she trying to make the movie about someone else when a story solely focused on her would be more than enough? Why when she gets an arrow to the leg she doesn't flinch in pain and just endures it in silence?

Why is she trying so hard to not be a bother? To not steal the spotlight? To let her pain show?

Because she wants to be accepted that much... Because the pain of being rejected hurt her that much.

Her going around being all "I have super useful magical powers that can greatly help your situation! I'm on your side! I accept you the way you are! I understand you!" are all a desperate cry for help in the hopes that her last chance at a true friendship won't end up ruined again.

She's doing everything she can to not give her one friend any reason to cut her off from his life because he's all she has.

Even though she's powerful enough that she probably doesn't need anyone in order to survive, she still needs others in order to be happy.

Nimona is that one friend who we think has everything they need to be happy, but for some reason, they don't have the one thing they want because it's out of their control whether they get it or not.

We can't make people love or like us, not unless we change who we are in order to fit their tastes, but she knows that changing who she is isn't the answer.

We see her trying to go from animal to animal in the hopes of finding one other animal she can get along with but they all keep finding problems with her since she doesn't match what they're used to.

And when everyone keeps acting like there's something wrong with you, you start to wonder if maybe they're right, even if you're not hurting or causing trouble to anyone.

I love how they make her look like this young child even though she's meant to be this immensely powerful being who's been alive for several years and who understands human nature better than humans themselves, showing that no matter how skilled or wise you are if you don't have anyone on your side you can still end up feeling empty inside, and that just because you have the ability to be strong doesn't mean you don't also have the ability to be vulnerable.

Nimona reminds me a lot of Lake in the sense in the sense that I feel you can write a whole book about how many themes her character explores.

Isolation, need for validation, discrimination, understanding, insecurity, sympathy, empathy, acceptance, self-hate, self-love, need for control, need for accepting that there are things you can't control, and probably many more that I didn't even think of.

I like Nimona not only because she's a fantastic and enjoyable character to follow, but because she shows why we need to try our best to be better as well, so that innocent people like her don't end up getting needlessly hurt due to the most idiotic of reasons, showing how harmful ignorance and groundless hostility can be.

She's the kind of character that makes me go "I want to be more understanding. I want to be more accepting. I want to try harder to embrace other people's differences." because it teaches me that if I do, I might get to hang out with a girl that can turn herself into a dancing shark!

And I would literally have no complaints in life if I was able to achieve that!

Favorite Character List>>

#nimona netflix #nimona #nimona film #nimona 2023

32 notes · View notes

isekai-crow · 3 months

Text

Cherry Magic Ep 3

I thought we were gonna get the partner for Masato in episode 3, but we got him in episode 4. INSTEAD HOWEVER, in episode 3 we got some other fun characters!!

ONE OF THEM BEING VOICED BY FUCKING YUUSUKE SHIRAI!!!!

Was not expecting his high pitched whiney voice to appear OUT OF A CHARACTER LIKE THIS but also I really SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED. HE'S A STAPLE IN BL ANIME AND AUDIO DRAMAS. High pitched whiney is a compliment by the way because its CUTE and made Capybara have conniptions while listening cause this is his favorite VA, and also DAMN THIS DUDE HAS RANGE.

GO listen to the character Ramuda's voice from HypMic and you'll see what I'm talking about. His other characters are friggen Sasaki from Sasaki and Miyano, Nikaido from Idolish7, Usui Masumi from A3!, and basically this man can SING and has RANGE and is bread and butter in the anime idol boy world.

So yea, Shirai, Yuusuke plays the annoying kouhai Yuuta Rokkaku, whose only purpose is to make Kurosawa jealous of Adachi spending time with someone and make Adachi jealous of Kurosawa's 'perfection' when Kurosawa starts showing off trying to get his attention away from Rokkaku. I also hope he becomes a Shipper On Deck with the other new character, Nozomi Fujisaki!

Koshimizu, Ami is the voice of Fujisaki sempai, who is so far just a stereotypical Japanese office lady, but having seen her in the opening we know that she is the CAPTAIN of this Ship, All Hands On Deck, and has fucking Acrylic Stands of these two that she's absolutely gonna make kiss like barbie dolls.

She also voices fricken Ryuuko fro Kill La Kill, Kallen Stadtfield from Code Geass, Sailor Jupiter from Sailer Moon Crystal, and a TON of other big name female characters!! Delightful.

LMAO if this isn't the first thing that pops up in episode 3!! I'VE TAKEN THIS MEDICINE BEFORE. It's OTC anti-hangover meds THAT FUCKING WORK. They're also really good for dealing with certain IBS symptoms. OTC Meds in Japan are Great. (*w*)b

Episode 3 is the Karaoke Episode, standard Japanese business life going drinking with your superiors to "improve moral" (This shit sucks, and I only had to deal with it the first 3 years I lived here. Bosses don't know what boundaries are, don't even know the word).

There's tons of funny faces. This episode was having so much fun.

Poor Kurosawa fails at impressing his love interest with Karaoke cause the man is too upset by how perfect he is. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE GOOD AT EVERYTHING. I'm waiting for the moment when that perfection is peeled back to show the person underneath.

Adachi tries to rescue his female co-worker whose being catcalled / harrased by drunk dudes not even from their company, only to get rescued himself.

Fujisaki is all of us. She knows EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON. Even if Adachi doesn't lmao. She doesn't need to read minds. She's got Fujoshi-Senses.

Adachi is also not subtle at ALL ABOUT TOUCHING?????? But he's also NEVER successful???????? MY BOY. THINK. USE THAT SINGULAR BRAIN CELL TO FIND A BETTER WAY.

I guess Adachi like Rokkoku enough to go to a Sauna with him? And Kurosawa is of course tags along because he gets to see Adachi naked.

This is also SUCH a Japanese thing. Someone's hobby is always something boring like "listening to music" or "watching movies" or "drinking socially" which aren't REAL hobbies, OR IT'S WEIRD RANDOM STUFF LIKE GOING TO A SAUNA.

OH LOOK HIS NIPPLES ARE GROWN IN. (This is a running joke between me and Capybara about whether a character is an adult or not)

Bless this poor simping man. Some day. Just you wait.

STEAM CONDUCTS THOUGHTS!!!!! Poor Adachi clutching his towel and running like the fair maiden heart he is after seeing all of Kuroswa's fantasies.

So capybara and my theory is that it's BODY heat that transfers the thoughts, otherwise it wouldn't work through clothing. (What happens if we get an Adachi or Kurosawa with hypothermia? Sick Fic anyone?)

But also this is the kind of stuff I feel bad for Kurosawa about. He's allowed to have fantasies damnit! They shouldn't be held against him! Unless he does something to Adachi that he doesn't want or consent to LET THE MAN LIVE DAMNIT.

But also poor Adachi for having to experience that anyways haha.

We get a rare moment here of hearing Kurosawa's inner thoughts (mostly self pity about the situation his heart has gotten him into), and it's NOT filtered through Adachi for once! So it humanizes him a bit more (not that he wasn't human before? But like people idolize him rather than villanize him... I don't know the word I'm looking for... endears us to him?) and we get to see his thoughts on the situation, the damage that's been done from being basically a "Gifted Kid" in more ways than one, fucking SA'd by a CEO Lady and also WHY he likes Adachi and damn, it took someone seeing him as something less then Ken Doll Perfect for once in his life to fall for someone of the same sex. It's definitely more than that, but like. That's so story book sweet and a little sad type romantic. I love it.

It took one man giving him a Dom Face to awaken the Inner Sub in him, and his heart was stolen, lmao. (I think this might be Capybara projecting and wanting someone to look at HIM like that tho >w>) (im gonna get murdered for that)

I hope they continue to play with tropes and don't follow the standard "One of these MALE characters is just a stand in for a FEMALE, so one is the seme/top and one is the uke/bottom and they NEVER switch."

God I hope they switch. And/Or Adachi makes the first real move. Or like, Pins / Kabe-Don's Kurosawa to the wall. That would make me so happy.

CAREFUL ADACHI. HE'S ON TO YOU. HE'S STARTING TO SUSPECT YOU'RE USING WITCH CRAFT ON HIM.

also AHHHH THIS IS SO CUTE. Kurosawa is adorable and so in love and so worried, and it's fairly realistic! I can't wait for more.

#anime winter 2024 #cherry maho #cherry magic #チェリまほ #adachi kiyoshi #kurosawa yuichi #shirai yusuke #bl anime #yaoi #yaoi anime

9 notes · View notes

bestworstcase · 2 years

Note

you've mentioned that you're anti-redemption arc? i think? so i kind of wanted to ask what you meant by that? are you against redemption arcs as a concept (like you think they shouldn't be used in writing) or is it more like you're against like the expectation a lot of people have for every character reformation to be a redemption? or is it something else?

when i say redemption arc what i’m referring to specifically is villain-to-hero arcs that are structured around absolution through suffering and forgiveness—the, not to put too fine a point on it lmao, Christian Model.

cassandra’s arc is a perfect example.

1. she sins—stealing the moonstone, usurping rapunzel’s rightful destiny

2. she suffers—spending more than a year beholden to a cruel demon who uses her as an unwitting pawn and then brutally stabs her in the back when her usefulness ends

3. she repents—sobbing and castigating herself to rapunzel, who embraces, forgives, and comforts her

4. & she’s absolved by that grace, literally paying the debt of her wrongdoing with her life and then being resurrected through rapunzel’s love for her—after which everything is gravy and she gets to skip off happily into the sunset without a care.

notably absent here is any narrative engagement or reckoning with:

1. the actual wrong things cassandra did

2. the wrongs done to cassandra

3. her reasons for acting this way

4. the systemic injustices that created her

5. genuine healing or atonement

and then the fandom collapsed into the same tired argument that always happens when a villain is given a redemption arc without undergoing the optional step of atonement, which boils down to one side going “she didn’t deserve forgiveness! she should have been punished!” while the other goes “she literally died! of course she deserves to be forgiven! hasn’t already suffered enough?” or sometimes trotting out the ol’ “the point of forgiveness is that it isn’t something you can earn” bit.

and

i adore villain-to-hero arcs. i also love hero-to-villain arcs. i am ALL ABOUT characters undergoing huge realignments of perspective or morality or motive that wrench them from one side of their narrative to the other. but i like to, you know, see it

( and also im an evangelical apostate )

and the thing is, the classic redemption arc—those narrative beats of temptation, fall to sin, suffering, repentance, absolution—it’s not really about character growth, good or bad: it’s a christian moral fantasy that arose from the narrative structure of 15-16thc european morality plays and metastasized into the western storytelling tradition, fantasy and science fiction in particular. it is inseparable from christianity and the profoundly christian idea that choice and deeds are irrelevant to moral goodness because salvation is given by grace to those who humble themselves to ask for it.

I DETEST THIS.

not to be like, anti-christian on main but when i was eight or so, someone broke into our church and robbed the offering box; that weekend in sunday school the pastor’s wife got up in front of her little gaggle of children to tell us this—describing to us, with palpable indignation, how she and her husband discovered the theft, how upsetting and violating it felt, and what kind of person steals from a church?—and then she asked us how we felt about that. we were all furious, of course, in the way all eight-year-old children will be furious if you sit them down and tell them a bad person did a terrible thing to you. and then she tsked at us and primly informed us that that was the wrong answer, because jesus would say to forgive and pray for the thief, and our anger is rooted in sinful human nature and the temptations of satan. all my little—again—EIGHT YEAR OLD sunday school classmates just sort of wilted, and i very distinctly remember thinking but that’s not fair—you tricked us!

it’s been twenty years and i still get mad when i think about it. this is one of my clearest childhood memories. i didn’t have the emotional vocabulary to articulate or understand this at the time, but recognizing that the pastor’s wife had purposefully manipulated our sunday school class to make us ‘sin’ so that she could teach us a lesson about how we were bad and needed god to save us from ourselves completely obliterated my trust in the underlying moral framework of christianity.

like. hating the moral logic redemption arcs are built on top of is literally one of my key formative childhood experiences, is what i’m getting at—

and to be clear, i’m in no way opposed to heroic characters forgiving reformed villains for past misdeeds (or villains forgiving corrupted heroes lmao). the act of forgiveness in and of itself is not the bone i have to pick with redemption arcs. nor do i care if the villain switches sides without first suffering punishment or retribution or even properly apologizing: cass knocked a kingdom down and got off scot free, and i say good for her!

what i take issue with is repentance-and-forgiveness being the fulcrum of moral change—the thing that actively transforms the villain into a hero. i want character arcs that are interesting and dynamic and driven by intrinsic motivation and choices! i want characters with agency who react to things like real people instead of roles in a morality play! i want to be able to read or watch a fantasy story without getting sucker punched by bland repetitions of a moral perspective i categorically reject, especially by narratives that do not otherwise align with that moral perspective!!

i would also very much like it if fandom at large would stop calling every. single. villain-to-hero arc ever written a ‘redemption arc’ and i would LOVE it if people would stop mindlessly applying the structure and moral logic of redemption arcs to villain-to-hero arcs that aren’t that, because oh my GOD i’m tired of the endless discourse about whether the character du jour was sufficiently punished for their wrongdoing to deserve ✨forgiveness✨

if you ever want to break yourself start mentally substituting “deserves to try to be a better person” every time you read the phrase “[character] deserves a redemption arc” and then you, too, can look upon christian moral hegemony and despair

#rwby fandom rly trying my patience in this regard

94 notes · View notes

controversialbatfamilytakes · 2 years

Note

People who think Dick is anything less than one of the most important characters to the Batman universe AND Titans/Justice League are wrong. He has been around for basically as long as Superman and Batman. Thus, been around longer than pretty much any hero, villain, anti-hero or anything over and in between in American made comics. Anyone who refuses to acknowledge his INCREDIBLE leadership skills or his insane fighting prowess are wrong. He trained as an elite acrobat since birth. He carried that training into being Robin. He should be UNMATCHED when it comes to sheer acrobatic skill. He should be a terribly difficult opponent for anyone. To make him anything less is such a disservice to his character and I'm tired of fans demeaning him as a mother-hen (especially in the batfam fandom). He is not a mother-hen and never has been. He has never been coddling or parent like. He is his own person with his own struggles and has always been more like a brother than a parent to Damian. Making him into a parent figure is such a huge mischaracterization of Dick.

People who think Jason as Red Hood should have to reduce and comprise his morality for Batman do a disservice to what Jason stood for as Robin. He showed more than once as Robin that he prioritizes the safety and livelihoods of the poor, marginalized, oppressed and exploited. No offense, but writers use Batman and other batfamily members as saviors of marginalized people. Bruce has never been in the position of a poor person, nor someone who has NO POWER over their oppressors. When Gloria h*ng herself because the law allowed Felipe Garzonas to be set free—her r*pist, it was a direct look into the very reality of people who have no justice because people with power like Felipe get away with their crimes. Batman allowed it, saying there was nothing to be done because the law was flawed and Felipe would always get away. What's the point of doing what he does then? Jason's character as Red Hood shouldn't have to conform to the Batfamily's ideology because even if it helps some people (and it does) their methods don't guarantee justice despite the countless laws they ironically break.

People who think Tim is the resident genius of the Batfamily and its smartest member do a disservice to his beginnings and development as Robin. Yes, he figured out the Batfamily's identities through the quadruple flip but that wasn't through genius. It was through COMMITMENT. Tim isn't the smartest of the Batfamily but he IS one of the most committed people to his own cause. What Tim stands for is hope, for belief, to be the one who will try for and find a solution through determination and strict application. He is INCREDIBLY smart because of how he applies himself not just because of some innate genius from the get go. His commitment is one of the core reasons he balances and completes a character like Cass.

People who think Cass being the best FIGHTER is the central and core importance of her character does a disservice to abuse survivors. The ENTIRE point of her Batgirl (2000s) run wasn't to showcase that she was the best fighter but to show that her one track, absolutist drive was a direct cause of the abuse she suffered and that by developing out of being STRICTLY absolutist mentality, she was outgrowing and healing from the abuse she suffered under David Cain. If anything, her wanting to maintain being the best is not an inspiration but a tragedy. As a child she was FORCED to be the best and as a teenager, she continued to treat herself under the same expectation. Batman did the same damn thing and he didn't have to shoot her in the back to do it. He did it by denying her language, by isolating her, by treating her as Batgirl before Cassandra by letting her treat herself as Batgirl before Cassandra. Cass said herself that she could be mediocre (which obviously isn't true. Her defense needed practice but her offense was still INSANELY AMAZIMG) for a lifetime or perfect for a year. She still treats herself as a weapon. Just because it isn't a weapon to kill, doesn't mean its not a weapon. Its not that Cass is the best fighter (the Wu San gift isn't infallible, but Cass IS WITHOUT A SINGLE DOUBT ONE of the Best fighters. If Shiva can acknowledge other characters as highly skilled opponents she might lose against so should fans) its that she was struggling to come to terms with her abuse and that the people around her didn't know how to handle that type of abuse.

People who think Damian isn't an abuse survivor are wrong. He, like Cass was trained to be a weapon (yes, a "leader" for the League but no. He was moreso a vessel if anything.). He might've been taught language and strategy but what was emphasized in his youth was the ability to kill without remorse. To see life as disposable. Damian's character shouldn't be about finding his morality through the Batman way but of a look into the complexities of family legacies, of the pressures parents and grandparents put on their children and of generational trauma perpetuated by the fears of ones parents.

Whew. I apologize in advance for the hell storm the comments and reblogs might become.

Please keep it respectful everyone lol

-Jun

#dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #cassandra cain #cass cain #damian wayne #nightwing #red hood #red robin #batgirl #orphan #black bat #robin #tw rap3 #tw sui implied #tw abuse

50 notes · View notes

sassa-fiske · 1 year

Text

{ YARA SHAHIDI, 21, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER } Is that ASTRID “SASSA” FISKE? A JUNIOR originally from MANHATTAN, NY, they decided to come to Ogden College to study ACTING & PERFORMANCE STUDIES. They’re THE GO-GETTER GIRL on campus, but even they could get blamed for Greer’s disappearance.

THE ESSENTIALS

Sassa has long since believed you shouldn't trust people, and she backs that up by being the absolute last person you should trust. Depending on who she is talking to, she has plenty of different personalities and motives to put out there, rarely acting like her true self or showing that she might not actually be quite the victim she paints herself out to be. She's manipulative and has perfected reading people, so she always presents herself as what they want to see her as. Long story short - she's insane.

CHARACTER INSPIRATIONS

Drea Torres (Do Revenge), Tashi Duncan (The Challengers), Alicent Hightower (House of the Dragon), Cassie Howard (Euphoria - specifically season 2), Vanessa Clark (One of Us Is Lying), Georgia Miller (Ginny & Georgia), Monet de Haan (Gossip Girl 2.0), Elide Lochan (Throne of Glass series), Misty Quigley (Yellowjackets), Quinn Fabray (Glee)

TV TROPES

THE GO-GETTER GIRL, Prima Donna, Drama Queen, Consummate Liar, Manipulative Bitch, Stepford Smiler, Becoming the Mask, Academic Alpha Bitch, Villain Has a Point, Moral Myopia, Never My Fault, Inferiority Superiority Complex

OGDEN COLLEGE 2022-2023

MAJOR:

Acting & Performance Studies

MINOR:

Film & Media Studies

EXTRACURRICULARS:

Cheerleading Squad (tumblr), Dance Team, Tennis (singles & doubles), Running Club School News Producer, Theatre Collective, Member of Tri Delt Sophomore Class Board

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Astrid Fiske

NICKNAME(S): Sassa, Sass, Sassy (by her father, usually)

DATE OF BIRTH: november 13th, 2002

AGE: twenty

ZODIAC CHART: scorpio sun, cancer moon, pisces rising, scorpio mercury, virgo venus, capricorn mars

OCCUPATION: student at ogden college

HOMETOWN: manhattan, NY

NATIONALITY: american

ETHNICITY: white (unspecified) & ugandan

LANGUAGE(S): english

GENDER & PRONOUNS: cis female, she/her

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: mostly straight but there's def some homoerotic sexual tension there with a few ppl

PHYSICAL INFORMATION

FACE CLAIM: Whitney Peak

HEIGHT: 5′4″

EYE COLOR: dark brown

HAIR COLOR + STYLE: she switches it up A LOT, but i do imagine her in braids or locs a lot. but basically zoya's hair throughout season 2 of gg is all ic for sassa

ACCENT + INTENSITY: lowkey why can I see her putting on a very subtle transatlantic accent

TATTOO(S): none

SCAR(S): TBD

PIERCING(S): one hole in each earlobe, helix in her left ear

GLASSES: yes, but she NEVER wears them

CLOTHING STYLE: prissy - lots of chanel

PERSONALITY

MBTI TYPE: INFP

POSITIVE TRAITS: intuitive, creative, sensitive, observant, analytical, kind, patient, determined, confident, mysterious, perceptive, loyal, passionate

NEGATIVE TRAITS: ...sometimes over-sensitive, relies on escapism, reserved, critical, vigilante, wary, ruthless, intense, blunt, rude, manipulative, psychotic :)

SKILLS: reinventing herself at the drop of a hat, trusting her instincts, being patient enough to play the long game

GOALS/DESIRES: to get a documentary accepted into sundance, that’s really...the end-all be-all for Sassa

FEARS: TBD

HOBBIES: manipulation

HABITS: TBD

SMOKES? not usually bc she doesn't like the smell, but she will to fit in bc of course she will

DRINKS? yes

DRUGS? yes - typically coke. but she won't do anything too mind altering bc she's such a control freak. occasionally will use adderall or the likes.

HOW SHE EMBODIES HER CHARACTER TROPE: THE GO-GETTER GIRL

Sassa is The Go-Getter Girl because once she puts her mind to something, she does not rest until she gets it. She can be utterly single-minded when it comes to her pursuits, to the point of it becoming a detriment. Don’t tell her that though. She is all about discipline and exceeding expectations. This pressure is almost entirely self-inflicted, but she’s set on achieving her goals, and is dedicated to maintaining the image and work ethic to do so. …mostly. She does have moments where her put-together image cracks and she lets go of control, which is usually followed by a reinvention, a somewhat new Sassa coming out, though the one thing that all the versions of her have in common is that they're entirely focused on their goals.

EXPANDED PERSONALITY:

TBD

CONNECTIONS

some wanted dynamics -

exes ! always more exes - sassa is the type of girlie who simply needs a significant other, and would rather be dating someone she didn't actually like than be single long term so !! a million exes !!!

specifically would love someone she dated or could date to get more popular :) and into the greer crowd (now that greer is gone ofc)

people she's using in various ways actually. the more sinister or slimy the better :) let sassa be insane :)

someone who is suspicious of her? like she's crazy, someone has to see thru all the diff fronts she puts up

i would literally DIE FOR a russ to her drea (from do revenge)

other than that, the norm - friends, enemies, fwb, the more angst & drama the better

RELATIONSHIP TO GREER:

Greer and Sassa went to high school together. While Sassa was a grade below Greer, and they didn’t run in the same circles (read: Greer was popular, Sassa was not), it was much like Ogden - you couldn’t go to their school without knowing who Greer Morrison was. Even those who stayed to the edges of the social scene, kept their heads down and focused on their school work were unable to miss the glow from THE GOLDEN GIRL.

ABOUT SASSA

FAMILY:

family page tbd

SOCIAL CLASS: upper class

FATHER: TBD

MOTHER: TBD

SIBLING(S)? none, Sassa is an only child (wdym you couldn't tell?)

BIOGRAPHY:

full biography tbd

sassa's parents and greer's parents were friends, but despite the forced proximity, greer and sassa never liked each other growing up

and it only got worse as they got older

(i'm not saying sassa deserved any of it but also ...... like, she do be unhinged)

as the only child of two first generation immigrants, she had a LOT of pressure on her at all times. she basically is all of her parents hopes and dreams and reasons for being in america so....yeah, she has a heavy weight on her shoulders

she went to private school from pre-k all the way to high school graduation. and other than the whole sorta being bullied thing, she very much liked it. the uniforms were totally her aesthetic.

SOME FUN FACTS

sassa is not above using whatever she has to to get ahead. she'll play the victim card, use people without a care for their feelings, hook up with someone, literally nothing is too low for her

she has an eidetic memory and uses it for evil !!

she was definitely a broadway kid when she was, like, younger than 10, and did a part time role in some show. which one i'm too lazy to figure out rn, but kids at school probs made fun of her for it

she's also tried pretty much every sport ever, and would give them up with a tantrum when she wasn't immediately the best at it

despite what sassa says, deep down ..... is she really any better than greer?

literally a huge film bro. gone girl is her fight club.

in general, is hugely into media

it probably comes from like, the deep unrelenting inability she had to feel like she was capable of fitting in and the desperation to find a way to relate to other people her own age. but anyways.

she's literally unhinged !! that's what's important here

her favorite drink is a french 75

FALL SEMESTER TOUCHBASE

MONTY had mentioned at casino night that he heard the cops suspected DIEGO - and since Sassa has caught him in several odd situations, including breaking into a professor's office, she is a bit suspicious of him being the one who originally stole the notes from the investigation (that being how he found out about Diego)

MILO had to deal with the downgrade of Sassa as his new doubles partner this year, and she is trying to lull him into trusting her so she can know secrets - his, Greer's, anyones that he is aware of, really.

At Greer's birthday party, Sassa and LINK struck a tentative truce to work together, but because they're both manipulative pieces of shit, it's really a competition to see who can use the other more affectively. With sexual tension.

Sassa had been dating THE NAIVE NEWCOMER before Greer swooped him up last year - this year, with Greer gone, she did make a move again, a fact she is utterly denying since his expulsion/arrest/perp walk

Sassa found a note in the haunted house that said "GREER TRUSTED SOMEONE SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE"

She also manipulated her way through her second sit down with the investigators and made them absolutely believe she was trustworthy

Apparently G agreed, because shortly after leaving, Sassa received a text that asked if she had ever heard about Greer going into the planned parenthood in town

#ogdenintro #muse

4 notes · View notes

livehorses · 1 year

Text

The issue on celebrities' public lives, the gossip around them and cancel culture

Miley Cyrus "Flowers" has become a sensation, and it catched my attention, since I related to it at some level, so I searched it on YouTube. Turns out the search page was full of gossip about Miley and Liam's relationship. I didn't know anything about Miley Cyrus nor her private life, not gonna lie, I'm not much of a pop fan to be stuck with one celebrity and follow their life closely. I only consume some (not all) of the public and professional content they publish and that I actually like, since in my home I was educated into being selective with what I consume.

Here's my point: what I mean to say, is that the issue of being a celebrity is how exposed you are to the audience's opinions on matters of how you must live your own life when they actually might not know how. Your relationships and personal life issues should stay your own, but with the public life these celebrities have, it's hard to hide everything that happens with it. You're getting married? It appears in the news everywhere. So it is your first baby, your divorse, the trials accusations and of course, people will give an opinion on it, and whatever single decision you'll make can lift your career or doom it. Celebrities feel the pressure to take a posture that benefits their position, and if not, they have the risk of their career to be ruined. Of course, celebrities will always have the right and power to live their lives without answering to no one or without worrying of being a public example of morality, which isn't their responsability nor any company's production, as long as their professional work doesn't affect anyone else in the job. I will expand more this last line a few paragraphs later in this post.

Let's take for example the recent case of the famous Heard vs Depp. Maybe for most people these events might leave them confused because they don't have context, but the people who do and follow closely these celebrities' life will obviously take a side without actually having all the context, because they don't whitness these issues in their fullest and they only stick to one version of the story. The event can become a basic story where there's only one villain and one victim; not both victims, not both guilty. Fans of one celebrity will allienate with that side and other celebrity's fans will allienate with the other one, causing only comflict for things that have become more of soap operas at people's eyes. Of course, there are situations where one of the sides is obviously and undoubtedly a toxic abuser, I'm not saying that Liam Hemsworth is lacking guilt for cheating on Miley.

Also, I don't think is appropiate to be gossiping around those matters. The trials might've given a sentence to Amber, and that's on them, they're the judges and that's their job. But people cancelling everything Amber-related, sabotaging the release of Aquaman 2 or booing in the theaters just because she was there is wrong. The woman already payed the price, if innocent or not, but she literally paid it, she was given a penalty fee. I think that broadcasting the trials live for everyone to watch it was wrong from the start, and let's be honest, a lot of money was spent in propaganda to allienate people's favor to one side.

We can't shut our opinion, that's for sure, and public figures should live the most moral life they're capable of, with, or without consent of anybody. But sometimes it isn't our business, and sometimes we shouldn't be making a scandal of it, nor affecting their careers or telling people what they should consume or not if we don't know for sure if our opinion is the best. After all, celebrities keep being only human beings and we can't demand the perfect life from them. Just focus if they do their job right, and don't expect more from them because how they live their lifes is on them. Unless their position is one of authority, then things are different.

When we must say a word, and affect with our actions, when there's responsability from our part, is when a celebrity's professional job affects those around them and a final production involves abuse and mistreating. It is appropiate do denounce, critic and even so, to sabotage against directors who conditions their employees jobs for their own whims, that's the case of Harvey Weinstein or John Lasseter. Or when a production is winning money by taking advantage from others, or investing in companies whose purposes infringe important human rights, or when certain movie or series gives a wrong message that people might follow. That's where we have the power, when we choose the things that we consume and how we consume them, having full concience that is going to influence the film production, so the victims can win the fight against their opressors.

But aside from that, maybe it would be best if we focus only on how we live our own personal lives and how it affect others around us. There's where we also have influence and we have the power to change the way relationships are handled. Not by spreading missinformation and gossip on relationships that are happening very far away from our reach and sight.

#livehorses confessions #Long post #Celebrities #Celebrities lives #Miley Cirus #Liam Hemsworth #Amber Heard #Johny Depp #Gossiping

0 notes

subconscious-thoughts · 2 years

Text

Fall In Love with Someone's Strength

Everyone deserves love, everyone deserves to be accepted, and everyone deserves to be understood too.

No one is perfect; we all have our "weaknesses", our flaws, our dark side, red flags, and/or toxic character traits.

There's nothing wrong with falling in love, there's nothing morally wrong in believing you can change someone with your love, there's nothing wrong with still caring about someone who hurts you on purpose or unconsciously.

But understand that these beliefs have consequences whether you like to admit it or not, and if you're like me who's affected by the consequences of these beliefs. Come join me, let's take some time to reflect.

Currently, I have a friend right now who is staying in a somewhat unhealthy relationship. One thing she told me that stuck with me is that she fell in love with this guy's "weakness", his "vulnerability" she says. I don't know about you guys, but to me people having a vulnerable side is a normal thing. It's just a matter of people opening it up, but either way it's still normal to me when people show their vulnerable side. It could be because of my mindset of always expecting the duality in people.

But why am I stuck at this? Why do I keep going back to what she said? There's something about loving someone because of their weaknesses that bothers me. Because I too, used to think the same thing. I used to be attracted and motivated to get into relationships with people who show their "other side", cause I thought seeing someone's vulnerable side meant I was special and that this person trusted me. (Which is true, but only the part that they trusted me).

That was the problem, it made me feel special. It was like a subliminal way of getting someone's approval that felt so addictively satisfying to have. But... if recent experiences have taught me anything is that, loving someone because of their flaws? Will guarantee that they will take advantage of you.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should suddenly up and leave or villify someone for having flaws. That's not my point, my point is we shouldn't give someone a reason to continue what they know is wrong. Right? The best we can do is understand and accept the way that they are, but just because you love them doesn't mean you should tolerate their misbehaviors. Especially misbehaviors that can usually drain the life out of you.

So it just occured to me, that when we fall in love. It's best that we fall in love with someone's strength(s). (Honesty, compassion, intelligence, patience, etc.) because our love, is the reward. If psychology has taught me anything, people are susceptible to operant conditioning especially in relationships.

When you reward a behavior, they will continue that behavior. In this context; if you reward a toxic behavior with love, then they will continue that toxic behavior. If you reward good behavior with love, then they will continue that good behavior.

If you say that "If they really loved me then they would change." Duh.

But we have to understand that we're not, "not loving" them by telling them to stop their misbehaviors. By setting boundaries we protect our hearts (which we should), and we are able to continue our relationship with them in a healthy and sustainable manner.

Love should be free and unconditional, yes. But our hearts have its limits, we all know it. If we are unconditionally accepting others, shouldn't we be also doing the same for ourselves?

#Personal #Reflection #Love #Weaknesses #Relationships #Motives #Motivation #Romance #Fall in love #advice #life #thinking #thoughts #quotes #ideas #introspection #duality #people #self love

11 notes · View notes

girl4music · 3 years

Text

I'm saving this in my bookmarks. I have a lot more to say about it and need to gather my thoughts on it so I can clearly and concisely express what I want to say without insulting someone else. It's a very controversial topic of discussion after all. But one that must be discussed nonetheless.

------------------------------------------

"but the misconception you must accept that you have an addiction in order to change your relationship with drugs and alcohol, is harmful."

It is very harmful. It's similiar to constantly believing you're mentally ill when you have a mental illness. That's not going to help you get mentally well. Addiction is a mental illness. Maybe 12-step AA programs should understand what's necessary for neurodiversity first before understanding what's necessary for recovery. It makes total sense to me why DEMI LOVATO is fairing better with moderation management methods over total drug/alcohol abstinence. But that's because I understand her well, not because I understand addiction well. I just think... Neurodiversity > Recovery. And, in my mind, associating "recovery" with the term "sobriety" is more dangerous than associating the term "California sober" with "recovery" in my opinion. But what do I know? 😑

"This goes against the popular belief that consuming drugs and alcohol and being in recovery are mutually exclusive, an idea that is deeply embraced by some in the addiction treatment field."

Yes, because the addiction treatment field wants you to be free of your addictions. 🙄 They don't want you to be free of your addictions or your mental illnesses. They want you to RELY ON THEM so that the only "treatment" you can get for your addictions and mental illnesses forces you to continue said "treatment" with them. So that it's a never-ending cycle.

"The idea that recovery is synonymous with sobriety is closely tied to 12-step fellowship programs where step 1 is to admit you’re powerless over drugs and alcohol and the ultimate goal is abstinence."

Exactly. So YOU'RE powerless to make any decisions for yourself that do not include what THEY say is best for YOU. Which is an ultimate and unrealistic goal of TOTAL ABSTINENCE.

"But if you ask your friends, neighbors, or loved ones outside of the addiction field what they think it means to be in “recovery”, most will associate the term with total sobriety."

Yes, and they want to keep it that way because it makes big $$$$$.

Listen people. I'm gonna lay it out in plain English for you

Demi is not saying her "California sober" method is everyone's method. That it is the correct method for everyone dealing with addiction or/and mental illness. In fact she's made it pretty damn clear no one should think or believe it is or should be. All she is saying is that it's a method that she's found to work for her. And is it working? Well, only time and experience with it will tell. I don't know if it will for her longterm but it certainly seems to be working for her at the moment. And that's all that matters for the moment. But, for me personally, I think neurodiversity should be put first over recovery because all people aren't the same and therefore the same method for recovery will not work for all people. There are different pathways to take and different options to try. Some not so popular than others. All Demi is doing is trying those "not so popular" methods out because the one that everybody says, thinks and believes will work did not work for her at all. Sobriety did not work for her and, forgive me for using this metaphor, that's a hard pill to swallow for some people who hold the term "sober" so closely to their heart and dote on it like it's the love of their life.

I have genuine faith that this moderation management method (her "California sober") will work for her. Because, like I said... I know and understand Demi very well. I know that extremes are not right for her. And total abstinence is just another extreme for her to get addicted to on top of her other addictions. The woman needs balance in her life. She knows she needs balance in her life. So therefore she's trying that "balance" with her issues with drug and alcohol addiction. She believes it will work. And I think she's right. Will it work for somebody else? Probably not. But it's a viable pathway to take and option to try in any case. What more harm could moderation management do to some people than the harm total abstinence can do to some people? Because I definetly say the latter is far more dangerous.

We, as a society, need to get more comfortable with the term "weaning" regarding substance addiction first of all. You would not make a baby go without their mother's milk or baby formula in order to get them on to eating solid foods. Of course not. You would wean them into it. So why isn't this area of logic applied to substance addiction? It should be! That's my take on it and I want to develop this area of logic further as I learn more and more about the mental illness of addiction and substance abuse in general. I know very little about addiction. I don't know a great deal about mental illness either but more so than just what little I know about addiction specifically. But what I do know and understand very well is neurodiversity and the relationship between the external and the internal. Meaning the relationship between the environment and the human mind/body. And my argument for what to do for mental illness (and addiction, most likely) is that you must get to know and understand this relationship first before tackling recovery in any aspect of life. The relationship between "I" and "other" is extremely important for interaction of any kind with people, things, substances, ideologies, philosophies, stimulants... Everything. And I just don't believe any "program" or "treatment" for addiction recovery or mental health recovery can be without the knowing and understanding of this relationship. This primary relationship with "I" and "other" and all interactions between them.

Now for someone who lives to such extremes to the point that they are misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder (DEMI LOVATO)... It is quite evident that the key is to lessen those extremes. And the way to do that is by balancing the extremes. Not by completely taking all of them away.

One extreme for her is a total obsession with perfection and with being the best at everything, looking as good/pretty as possible. Essentially constantly setting the bar higher and higher to reach with each grasp. That is an addiction for her.

Another extreme for her is disregarding any and all expectations or goals, rebelling against every law or moral or teaching whatsoever... Basically not giving a crap about anything. Not even her own well being,... to the point where she's results to substance abuse just to keep going. To have some kind of high.

Now throw in a strict schedual of night and day, around-the-clock restriction, limitation and control into the mix and have that happen for 365 days a year and ask yourself will it lessen any extreme for Demi or will it just add another extreme on the top of it? One would absolutely lose their mind trying to keep up with all of this while being expected to perform to any degree whatsoever as a "star". One is going to fail. More than fail. One is going to seriously impact their health. One is going to be on death's door. So even though I don't know and understand addiction or mental illness very well, don't say I don't understand the tremendous effects it can have on neurodivergent people. I know and understand more than any average person would ever fucking know or understand. I know and understand Demi. And I am saying moderation management is the best method for Demi's substance abuse recovery because her addiction is not substances. Or rather - not primarily substances. Her addiction - her primary addiction - is to be PERFECT. She needs to tackle that addiction before her addictions with substances. With drugs and alcohol. And the best way for her to do that is to find balance in every aspect of her life. With her food, with her career, with her music, with her interactions with EVERYTHING. If she can tackle that addiction and wean it down to where she doesn't need to feel like she needs to be so perfect all the time and put herself through the ringer with her career... Then her issues with substance abuse will most likely disappear by themselves because she wouldn't need those substances or stimulants to cope anymore. There's no cause for it. No trigger. So, yes. She's right. Moderation management is the correct method for her. And it's proven to be so far, so let's not villify her for it just yet. Let's wait and see what the results are first. Like you would with any scientific study. And if it does turn out to be that you were right... Then you can make your conclusions on whether it's a method that should or shouldn't be used or associated with drug/alcohol addiction recovery ever again. I personally don't think so. I think she's got it now because, with Demi, it's primarily a mental health issue with her feeling or thinking that she always needs to be perfect. I think if that addiction goes away, then the addiction with the drugs and alcohol will go away on its own. There will be no need for a "recovery plan" at all for it because she's got the stimulants that she needs to remain in a healthy and balanced mindset.

Demi's effectively killing two birds with one stone. She couldn't even kill one before her overdose happened and that was not her fault. It was the fault of the people constantly around her making sure she never had any stimulants whatsoever. Leaving her powerless to ever get "mentally well" in the first place. Her last recovery team left her in one big jam. They took all the stimulants or coping mechanisms away to deal with her addiction issues with perfection and body image and eating disorders. They refused to wean her and it only made the situation worse. I mean what did they think was gonna happen? NOBODY could get "sober" or "clean" or "recovered" or "mentally well" from that level of restriction, limitation and control, let alone DEMI LOVATO, a "star" who was given access to everything under the sun as a child and was taught and told to be perfect at the same time.

Oh yes, I totally get it. And that's why I can say with complete conviction that, this time, Demi's got it now. She's got a handle on every addiction or mental health issue plaguing her because she's gone right to the root to where it all started to begin with and she's weaning herself. 👏 And you know, if you cut the head off a snake, the whole body dies along with it without ever needing to take a second chop. Apply that awfully corny metaphor to all I've just said and you'll totally get it too. Addiction and mental health recovery is not a one-size fits all method. There are other methods. Demi's just trying those other methods and being publically transparent about it. She should be respected, not vilified. I'm done.

7 notes · View notes

authorofdanger · 5 years

Text

Reason Of Survival Part 1

Genre:Angst

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, violence, kidnapping, and death.

Stray Kids Mafia AU

My breathing was ragged as I took another blow to my chest. It was another losing fight for me this week but what was the point in winning? Another day having the shit beaten out of me? To possibly having a full meal once a day and two smaller ones to try to motivate me more? Some clean water? A fucking shower? I dont have a good reason to keep fighting so I kept taking all the hits from my opponent. It felt like hours before I was on the ground with a broken wrist, fractured nose, bloodied face, cracked ribs, and bruises littering my entire body. It's not the worst I have endured in a fight but it's not my best either.

I was tossed back into my cell like a piece of meat and I could barely let out a cry from the pain of the impact. My hair was pulled up harshly which forced me to look my boss in his eyes. "The fuck is wrong with you? You were my top fighter for years and now you cant even win a single fight! And for what? Some cell mate you had for only a few months? Pathetic." My cell mate, Libby, died last week after losing her tenth fight. Boss decided she was no longer useful and.... well you can guess from there. She was my only friend in this hell hole and the only person I wasn't forced to fight. We took care of eachother and became eachothers motivation to keep going and keep winning. At this rate I'm not too far from joining her.

"I'm warning you. Either start winning or I will find better use for you," he warned before releasing my sore scalp and slamming my cell door shut. I crawled over to my personal first aid kit and cleaned myself up the best I could without water or a mirror. My wrist was going to have to wait until my weekly body check from my cell section's nurse. Leaning against the cool concrete wall I listened to the fights continuing the floor above me so I could have an idea of which cells would need to be cleared tonight.

*****

"Let me fucking go," a voice boomed down the hall which ripped my attention away from the fight. I glanced over through the bars and saw a boy being dragged this way by two guards. He looked young, possibly still a teen, but he was well built and looked to be a perfect candidate in the ring. His red hair was messy on top of his head and his clothes were ripped and bloody. He had to be new though because if he wasn't I'm sure I would have fought him by now. I pulled my legs to my chest to make myself small as the three of them stopped in front of my cell and the boy was tossed inside with me and locked in. "I swear to God your going to regret that when my team gets here," he yelled but the guards only laughed before leaving the hall.

I kept silent as I watched him curiously. Nobody in their right mind speaks to the guards like that unless you are a top fighter. A boy like him could get killed here and the boss wouldn't even bat an eye. He ran his hand through his hair before turning around and jumping at the sight of me. I relaxed my legs a bit when I saw all of the violence in his eyes be replaced with concern. "Are you okay," he asked. I let out a small painful laugh. "You're kidding right?" His eyes scanned around my body and stopped when it hit my wrist. "Its not nice to stare you know," I scoffed before shutting my eyes and leaning my head back, "you a new fighter or something?"

"Prisoner. I was captured while on a mission with my team." Prisoner? We dont have prisoners. We have fighters, sex workers, and the guards but not prisoners. "So a fighter? You look too innocent to be a guard and the boss doesn't typically want a baby faced male sex worker." My eyes shot back open in fear as I felt a hand gently grab my wrist but I didnt pull away. "I can wrap this. It might help." Without an answer he had a hold of my first aid kit and made a good makeshift cast. The entire time I kept my eyes on his face which held a sense of focus and care that kept me calm most of the time of contact. "You know it's not nice to stare," he mocked while finishing up. I rolled my eyes but chose to ignore his comment.

"What's your name?" "Y/N. Yours," I asked as he put up the kit. "Jeongin. How long have you been here?" To be honest I'm not too sure. One day I just woke up in this cell with no recollection of my past and I've been here ever since. "Years," was the easiest answer I could give him. I could see his shoulders tense up a bit but his face remained calm and held little emotion. It's odd seeing a newbie so relaxed after being brought in. Normally they would be screaming, fighting, and finding any way to escape. Jeongin on the other hand seems to accept his fate or maybe he has a plan that is bound to fail, either way it's too hard for me to read him quite yet.

"How old are you? I'm seventeen," he asked. He was probably trying to relax any fears I have of him and truth be told it was working but seventeen? And he was talking about a team and he is holding himself together? Something isnt quite right about him but how can I judge in a place like this. "I dont really know anymore. The boss has a file on me somewhere but I had a serious head injury a while back and all I remember is my name and a few scattered memories here and there. It's all a bit of a blur. Hey you said something about a team right?" His eyes shined at the question. Whoever this team is he must hold a good amount of fondness to them. "They're like brothers to me. There are nine of us in total and we run a pretty well known mafia group if I do say so myself. It's a tough job but it gives us all the thrill we have craved since birth. I'm their hacker, I can crack any passcode and hack any electronic device in minutes. Been doing it since I was about fifteen." His hopeful look dimmed as he trailed into a deep thought.

"I wonder if they know where I am." Against my better judgement I reached my hand out for him and led him to sit beside me and laid his head on my shoulder. I dont quite understand what he is feeling right now but I have a good idea. "I wont let anything happen to you Jeongin. Your brothers are coming and they will get you out of here, until then I promise I will keep you alive." Now the question was how was I going to do that? How was I going to protect another person when I can barely protect myself?

*****

The next morning we were woken up by the sounds of sobs and screaming, the usual sounds the morning after fighting matches. Today is the day where cellmates discover that their best friends, lovers, and family members are gone. Today is also the day where if we have any weak links we either move them to the sex worker section or they get killed off. It's always hard to hear no matter how long you have been here and I feel that these sounds will haunt me until the day I die. "What's happening," Jeongin whispered as I watched people being ripped from their cells and new people being added. "They're cleaning out cells. Removing weak links, adding new people, and moving people around. Dont think to much about it." He only nodded his head before taking his body weight off of me and looked around. He mentioned before that he was in the mafia, shouldn't this not bother him at all? "There's kids here too?" Does he expect the boss to have morals? If they can be of any use he will keep them. "Some were born here and some were taken. Again dont think to much into this stuff. It only adds to the depression." He turned his head and looked at me with an unreadable glare. "I'm going to get you out of here," he said more to himself but I only gave him a small smile before fear rose in my chest. I quickly got up and pushed him behind me as the boss opened my cell and slightly chuckled at my protectiveness.

"Well looks who is finally up and moving again," he said darkly while pulling a remote out of his suit pants pocket. I prepared myself for the electric shocks that were about to hit me through my shock collar but refused to stand down, he is testing me I know it. "So I see you have gotten to know our new little addition. I figured he would bring something out in you." I ticked my eyebrow up at him and listened carefully at every single word he was saying and being prepared for any questions he may ask. "I was thinking of adding him to this unit but maybe he would be better as-" "You wont take him," I interrupted boldly, "you want me to win then fine but you cant have him." I know his games and he has done things similar before. He wants his best fighter to win him big bucks in the ring and this is a sick way of doing it. A grin found it's way on his lips as he pressed the button on the remote, nearly bringing me to my knees if Jeongin didnt grab me by the waist to hold me up.

"How about we make a little deal then pet," he laughed before turning off the collar, "as long as you keep winning in the ring he doesnt have to even lift a finger. You continue your little stunt and your losing streak then I trade you two out. Maybe he can do better then you." Jeongin's grip on me tightened and he whispered in my ear "I can handle this. Dont do it." Closing my eyes and shaking my head I felt like there wasn't much of a choice. If I can help it I dont want anyone else in that ring even if it means I have to work myself to death. "He wont be in the ring? Or a part of the sex group," I asked as bravely as I could. "No. You will take up any and all of his jobs I would have pinned him to do. His whole life will depend on your actions." Could I handle that? The extra fights, possibly be in the sex ring as well, any and everything he would have to go through plus my own schedule? "Deal."

*****

"You didnt have to do that," Jeongin sighed while cleaning the dried blood off my face and body since we got our cleaning bucket. "You dont want to be out there. I've been doing this long enough to know what to expect. You just have to trust me on this." I let in a sharp inhale as the soaked rag swiped over my nose which definitely was broken. He mumbled out a few apologies but continued on until most of the blood was off of me and in the bucket. "We should be getting showers tonight for the selections," I explained as he examined the bruises and other various injuries I had. "Selections?"

"Other bosses from other districts come and decide who they want to pin against their own fighters. They also discuss which prize they want if they win. Sometimes its money and sometimes it's the losing fighter. Most of the others here I had fought at one time or another and my boss claimed. I could be fighting about four fighters if I'm lucky in the next three days."

"You call that lucky?" "Lucky as in minimum. Usually on my own I get between two or three and now that I add on your count," I began but stopped myself. I dont need him feeling bad about something that isnt his fault. "You wont be fighting. Chan and the others will find us by then," he assured quietly after a guard passed our cell. I could only give him an assuring smile. How long will it be before he gives up hope? I've been here for years and after a few months I gave up on the thought of escape. Once you end up in a cell there is no leaving, you are no longer a human in a sense but like an animal. Nobody really cares about you as a person anymore and you might as well be erased from the outside world.

"I bet Seungmin has already tracked my location by now," he added "and Chan is probably calling either Sungjin or JB! Oh or Woojin could be calling Jungwoo! It would be a mess if all of NCT came you know," he continued. At some point I zoned out of what he was saying so I myself wouldn't get my hopes up. I thought back to Libby and how right now she would be playing with my hair or how she would be trying to learn fighting strategies from me. Maybe she would have punched Jeongin in the face by now because of his optimism levels, she never was one to see the glass half full.

"Are you even listening to me," he chuckled which pulled me back to the present. "Kinda. Hey Jeongin can we not talk about escaping right now? Maybe you can tell me more about your friends in general?" As if he understood what I was getting at he nodded his head and began to ramble on about all the adventures he has been on through the years. Though he may be a little too hopeful and cheerful he is the perfect amount of light for this dark situation, and in my mind I vow to never let anything happen to him.

Even if it kills me.

92 notes · View notes

deadinsidedressage · 5 years

Text

Examples of my Classism & Elitism

Just helping @waywardequestrian back up her claims.

1) My accommodations for my horses growing up. My family had enough money to keep our horses on our property which consisted of dirt floor stalls so warped be repeated cleaning of wet spots over the years that I horrifically sprained my ankle in 2015 taking a misstep into one of the craters. Whenever I asked my parents about getting stall mats I was told that was too expensive and we couldn't afford it. I also had issues every year with the horses getting thrush and weak hooves from the foot-deep mud that made up about a 1/4 of the pasture (and was right outside the stalls) that existed about 1/2 the year since we live where it rains a lot. The two times my parents had enough money to buy me a truckload of gravel to try and fix it; it hardly made a dent and I was told they could only afford the one load.

2) My "arena" growing up. It's an empty grass lot that's wider but shorter than a small dressage ring. It also was horrifically rocky. Whenever I asked if we could put sand down and I offered to do it myself if they just bought it for me I was told we could not afford that. I did my best trying to clear out the large rocks, diligently taking a big fence post pry bar out there to remove the big ones every few weeks, filling in with dirt and hoping that by doing that I was reducing the risk of my horse taking a bad step and being hurt. I was lucky though that my neighbor would periodically run his riding lawn mower through it to keep the grass low. I tried a few times to keep a temporary fence up but ultimately the blackberries would just eat it up anyway so over the years I lost more length and width to that. My horses learned uberstreichen from me ducking to avoid tree branches I was in a constant battle with.

3) My parents couldn't afford to buy us (I have a sister who rode for a while) our own horses, so for the first few years we were given our cousin's pony to learn on and share. Then my mom careleased an old retired WP horse for a bit before having to send her away because she had eye problems and we couldn't afford the medication. For 3 years we shared an Arab pony who was 4 when my mom bought her for less than $500. Eventually we landed with two careleased Arabs, one who was 21 when we started leasing her and one was 7 when we started leasing him. After looking after the gelding for 7 years, his owners announced they wanted to sell him. We couldn't afford what they asked and he was ripped from our family after 7 years of an spoken agreement that he would be ours permanently.

4) Our first year in USPC we couldn't take our horses to any of the lessons because our parents couldn't afford a horse trailer. When we did finally get a trailer it was so ancient that the tackroom floor was rotting out. I lived in constant fear my shitty little saddle would fall through and be lost forever during one of our trips to the twice monthly USPC lessons we went to.

5) When my parents finally were able to buy me a horse, our budget wasn't supposed to be over $1500, but my mom got an extra $500 by selling some of her personal tack for the Arab mare she bought 1 year before becoming pregnant with me. She'd bought that mare for $700 dollars and she had to ask my grandfather to loan her the money so she could buy her. Mia was $2,500 but my mom had fallen in love with her personality so she negotiated to pay for her monthly. She paid $150 a month for her and they only agreed because she was a broodmare they had sold to riding home, had to rescue her from it, resold her to another riding home and then had to rescue her from that, and they were trying to get her off the property to make room for the valuable horses.

6) This or some variation of this was what I looked like the majority of the time I was growing up. My boots were an extra wide calf because my dad had actually bought them for my mom. I'm a regular calf. I wore them until they literally came apart, took them to a cobbler to get a repair that lasted a bit, and then wore them completely through again. Whenever I had to walk on foot somewhere with them my socks would get soaked from the holes in them. My show coat was a boys sport's jacket we got at Goodwill. My saddle was a shitty and ancient Steuben that did not fit my horse, actively caused saddle sores, and which forced my leg so forward I battled a chair seat. But my mom got it for $100 and it's called an all-purpose so can't you just do dressage in it? I also didn't have access to private lessons. I got my twice a month group Pony Club lessons.

7) When I was 13/14 I got really serious about horses and wanting to progress. I had to beg my mom for about a year to get private lessons and the deal was that I could only have two a month on the opposite weeks of Pony Club. My sister had pretty much stopped riding by then so it was a lot more doable financially and my mom was finally working full-time. As it became obvious I didn't have the right saddle, the right arena at home, the right clothes; I had to work to get access to those things. I luckily had a knack for braiding and lived close to a prominent show ground; I worked the shows and made enough money to get a dressage saddle, to get boots, to even get as basic of things as stable wraps for my horse.

8) As a 15-16 year old I worked as a WS for a hunter/jumper trainer in order to get weekly lessons. She wasn't against me for not having a TB or a WB, she honestly put in a lot to make things work for us and really liked my horse--- she did however exlcude me from opportunities I couldn't afford. I couldn't afford to do the rated shows, so I didn't. The year she thought I could take the school horse for one show she passed me over for the girl whose mom would pay her. I would've worked it off but that wasn't good enough.

9) This is the horse I competed for 10 years. She's standing on a hill so you don't get the best picture of her confo and this as all I could drag up. Long backed, downhill, weak hocks. Not exactly the perfect dressage or jumping prospect. Between ages of 14-16, I developed a lot as a rider. One of my trainers through Pony Club saw this development as a great time to try and rip me from this sub-optimal mount and stick me on one of his horses I could lease because I wouldn't progress on this horse. He didn't want to work with a downhill, long backed APHA that was deeply under conditioned and not professionally trained for where I was starting to head. The emotional abuse I sustained from that trainer-student relationship still effects me. But how could I tell Mr. Watson that not only did I love this horse, but that we couldn't afford a different horse.

10) 14-16 were tough years for me mentally as an equestrian. While I had one supportive trainer I actually worked for and lessoned with; the presence of the other who continually rubbed it in my face that my horse wasn't meant for dressage and jumping made me fall into that "I'm an underdog" toxic mentality that I've been talking about on this blog for years. For as much fuel as deeply hating someone tellimg me what I couldn't do there was a greater presence of a "woe is me the world is biased against us" attitude. Any bad scores were "because the judge hates non-Warmbloods" and not because I had a horse that struggled with being on the forehand. Not placing well in jumping was because "I don't have as much money as they do" and not because my equitation was mediocre at best and I chipped-in to every fence.

11) I went about 6-9 months without professional training at all because I was so disillusioned with it (again, despite having had a trainer who was trying to work with me and my horse) and managed to sort some things out on my own given the foundation I'd received from the h/j trainer.

12) I took the very strong foundation that the one trainer who was there for me throughout that period gave me and took my embittered 17 year old self off to an "unconventional" "morally superior" trainer who would turn out to be an opioid addict with more bravado than talent. Thinking I was such a supremely talented but underrated rider, I didn't develop as much as I could have and I wasted a lot of money where I shouldn't have. I wanted to do rated shows (and actually the opioid addict wasn't the worst dressage trainer) but was actively discouraged because "they won't score you what you deserve it's a waste of money"--- not true. My opioid addict trainer also wanted to take credit for the development of my horse's canter (she used to cross-fire and be so strung out) but literally couldn't get that canter out of her when on her. Realistically, given the right opportunities falling into place I could have probably knocked out my Bronze and part of my Silver on that horse in high school.

13) I was only guaranteed my horse at college with me for one quarter at age 18 (even though board actually broke down to be way cheaper than keeping her at home). I worked a lot my initial stint at undergrad to get more opportunities with my horse. Too bad I was being abused, tried to kill myself, and had to drop out of college.

14) At 18 it's not illogical to expect you'll have to field all your horse's costs yourself. My mom had always said she'd take care of Mia until she passed though--- so she'd always have food and shelter. I did have to retire her early though because I couldn't afford hock injections. My lucky break was that my mom had purchased a horse for herself my sophomore year of high school who I had in high school been putting time into (spitefully not much because she wasn't suitable for my mother, but when I thought I might be able to convince my mom to sell her right before I left with my horse to college I put in a lot more effort and took her to schooling shows) who was sitting doing nothing but certainly sound.

15) This blog documents part of 5 years in which Chevy was my primary horse, an even less suitable APHA, and my struggles with not being able to afford lessons, clinics, shows. You'll find a lot of me working that horse in that shitty little grass arena because I couldn't afford to haul-in as regularly.

16) This blog also documents the extremely emotional traumatic ups and downs of my mom wanting to sell Chevy because she realized she was never going to ride her and me coming to grips with the fact that even if I could manage to afford to board her myself I would continue to be stuck making no progress. I desperately and fiercely love that horse and she was desperately and fiercely very wrong for me.

17) That's who I am. I'm the bobo backyard rider whose horses went years without floating their teeth or getting vaccines because we couldn't afford it. The girl whose horse was always tripping when we first got her because we couldn't afford a farrier who knew what they were doing, we could afford Rich who charged $60 for all three horses. The girl whose mom had to sell her own tack in order to buy me a horse. I'm not speaking from a place of privilege. I'm speaking from a place of knowledge, of experience, and of protection for all the other little girls who just want a pair of boots that fit them right.

Don't you dare fucking presume to know me.

29 notes · View notes