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lyskari · 2 years

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The ADHD-Files: The Art of Parallel Play (Storytime!)

Wait, what is parallel play? First, look at the context of this definition through the lens of mental health support [primarily ADHD] communities, as that will be the definition I am referring to. This is not a definition I created, this is merely my understanding of it within the circles I am in.

Parallel play is where two or more individuals play with separate things while still existing within the same space -- be it a virtual or physical space. Imagine an individual playing a video game, while their friend lies on the floor and draws. This is a simple example of parallel play! Parallel work can be quite helpful as well, though it often goes by other names such as “co-working” or “bodydoubling”.

Now for the story...

So the spouse and I sometimes vibe really well in terms of hobbies.

But sometimes... we couldn’t be more opposite.

When we vibe, it’s great! We get to share joy as we focus on the same thing.

When we don’t vibe, it used to feel really demoralising. I would miss them, or they would miss me, especially as we could tend to fall into our own respective hyperfocus states.

Then we learned about parallel play -- about the art of simply doing our own thing, while still occupying the same space so we can share moments with each other.

We’ve done some form of this for a while, but recently we’ve really tested the bounds of this, and it’s been freeing.

You see, they’re really into a specific video game right now, a video game I’ve not the time or interest for, though I’m thrilled they’re having fun with it! However, it is new and novel, so they are rather hyperfocused on it.

I started to feel a little lonely at night as we had a ritual before sleep where we would either play a game together, or we’d watch some form of media, but with the new game that had stopped.

I didn’t particularly mind it. I’ve been enjoying seeing the way their face lights up as they play their game, but I didn’t want the occasional lonely to build into resentment.

Of course part of it was open communication. I did eventually ask if we could be sure to schedule some time where I get to spend time with him not focused on his game, but the biggest game changer was deciding to focus on an old passion that I’d been afraid to bring into the parallel play circle.

I’m a singer.

More specifically I’m a belter. And a soprano.

Yeahhhhhh. I get loud. And the spouse’s ears are sensitive.

But I decided to ask if they’d be willing to put in their noise cancelling earbuds so I could do a proper vocal warm up and sing some songs at full vocal strength and volume. Of course spouse was a bean and said yes, they’d be glad to give it a shot.

And ever since then I’ve had the best nights, because I get to do something I have loved deeply since my youth, but I don’t have to give up my spouse for it. We found a way to make it work for parallel play...

So please take this post as your permission to try to find ways to make unconventional parallel play ideas work! Sometimes things may not be possible, sometimes they may not be immediately possible, sometimes they’re totally possible, but it’s always worth analysing and experimenting with!

#lyskari adhd files #the adhd files #parallel play #adhd #adult adhd #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #attention deficit disorder #add #Actually ADHD #ADHD Strategies #ADHD Things #ADHD post

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hashtagmushlove · 11 months

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6/13/2023 - DadHD

I have ideas that fly through my mind every day, and it just so happens, that ChatGPT is able to bounce these ideas off my mind very well, in a very productive manner, very, very quickly. So quickly, that I can almost create a whole business during a work day. Enter DadHD: The High Definition Father. I want to start a support group, that contains resources for fathers with ADHD and fathers to…

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cenablocksanespaces · 1 year

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Are You Procrastinating or Stuck In ADHD Avoidance?

5 Types of Procrastinating Due To Avoidance Behaviors As humans, we’re all hardwired to steer clear of uncomfortable situations and gravitate toward things that make us feel happy, safe, loved, and satisfied. If we perceive a task to be “too hard” or a situation to be “too difficult”, we find ways to avoid it. Sometimes we’re successful; sometimes we aren’t. Image Source: Storyblocks…

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#ADHD Adult #adhd strategies #how to manage procrastination #Procrastination

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helenwhiteart-blog · 1 year

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Worrying or stimming? Looking at an overactive mind from a neurdodivergent point of view

It’s fair to say, I have an extremely overactive mind, a trait so built into me that it predates any “need” to worry about anything very much in my life really, however tempting it is to try and dig up reasons why my infant nervous system may have been sent into fight or flight on a regular basis. Overthinking is just part of the fabric of who I am and has delivered some of my most contented and…

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#ADHD strategies #anxiety or ADHD #articles #burnout #default mode network #dysautonomia #environmental sensitivity #hypoxia #insomnia #ME/CFS #mental stimming #neuropathy #overthinking #sensory processing sensitivity #vasoconstriction

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structuredsucc · 10 months

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So... what exactly are executive functioning supports...?

Planners, checklists, and reminders are definitely executive function supports, but they aren't the only things that are available. ...so, I've made a list of some examples. A thread (🧵)

Executive functioning includes so much, so executive function supports can be SO MANY things. Executive functions include decision making, working memory, task initiation, planning, prioritizing, many forms of self-regulation, and more.

So let's talk in broad categories

Category 1: Decisionmaking

Avoiding a decision altogether,

Choosing randomly,

Reducing the number of options to decide between,

Always doing the same decision (such as having a uniform for yourself),

Outsourcing decisions,

Having outside structure/expectations

Category 2: Working memory

Keeping things visible,

Reminders,

Collaborators who gently remind you of things,

Writing it down (i.e., notebooks, post-its, to-do lists, etc.),

External structure such as lunch hours,

Understanding why and how working memory fails

Category 3: Information processing

Avoiding weak processing areas (eg. reading for dyslexics like me)

Have information in multiple forms,

Make information processing context relevant,

Reduce incoming information or competing demands

Category 4: Task Management

Body doubling,

Transition time,

To-do lists,

Breaking tasks down (including people to help with that),

External structure for identify the next step,

clear, explicit instructions,

Schedules, planners, itineraries.

Category 5: Organization

Mind maps,

Labels,

Notetaking templates,

Physical organizers,

Organizing methods (Kondo, Only 4 Things, etc.),

House cleaners, professional organizer, etc.

Clear bins,

An ability to toggle visibility

Category 6: Cognitive Flexibility

Transition time,

Pre-change warnings,

External support for identifying and reminding the new direction,

Context-based exemplars of similar change,

Visual schedules,

Reminders of when structure will start again

I've listed a lot of things here, but there are just so, so, so many more options.

Executive function supports can be ways that we think or approach situations (internal) or structures imposed on us by others (external). They can be physical tools that we can touch and interact with (tangible) or completely abstract ideas or approaches (intangible)

The big takeaways are that executive function supports can be any tool, structure, or communication that supports any of our executive functions.

Executive functioning struggles are core to the ADHD and autistic experiences (and secondary to other ND conditions). This means executive functioning takes a lot of energy for ADHD and/or autistic people, and the more support we have the more energy we can use for other things

So, yeah, planners, checklists, and reminders are definitely executive function supports, but so is a highschool bell schedule, hobby-related groups, professional services, and colleagues (consensually) harassing you to remember to send that email.

There are a lot of options!

#adhd #executive function #executive functioning #coping #coping strategies #autism #task initiation #decision paralysis #actually autistic #neurodivergent #mental health #executive dysfunction

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nicnacsnonsense · 1 year

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but being able to identify when you need help and negotiate asking for and receiving it is a coping strategy. If you are effectively managing your condition — whatever injury, illness, disability, or neurodivergency that might be — with assistance, then you are in fact effectively managing your condition.

#neurodivergent #disability #chronic illness #coping strategies #spoonie #adhd #autistic #(are the ones it is for me)#but this still applies to everyone

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mental-illness-bingo · 1 year

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1/11/23

My ADHD made a friend today and I found out about the autism creature and the ADHD creature so I did some art to help me stop demonizing my new diagnosis.

#mibingo #my art #not my character #autism creature #adhd creature #tbh creature #btw creature #art #internalized ableism #coping #art therapy #coping through art #coping skills #coping strategies

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neurodiversitysci · 1 year

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Three Strategies for Doing Home Chores With ADHD

A family member with undiagnosed ADHD has the following routine for washing the dishes.

When he starts making coffee, he uses that time to put away 10 dishes. Since he uses a very fast Keurig coffeemaker, it turns into a game or challenge: can he put away all 10 dishes before the coffee is ready?

He points out that making coffee would otherwise be ��dead time” where he’s just standing around. These moments feel torturous for me and many others with ADHD. So, he makes use of that “dead time” to do a little bit of chores.

It made me think about such moments of down time in my life, and my own first reaction -- to pull out my phone and check my email and social media or play a relatively mindless game. I started wondering how much easier cleaning my home would be if I made better use of my dead time.

The strategies he’s combining here are:

1) Use those torturous little bits of down time to do some small “productive” thing

2) Break a task into small pieces that can fit into little bits of down time.

3) Turn a boring task into a game or challenge. (This is one of his favorites).

Have you used any of these strategies? Would a habit like this work for you?

1/14/23

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laestoica · 1 year

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#adhd time management #adult adhd #adhd time #adhd strategies #productivity #adhd life #adhd

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radishthefool · 1 year

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Realization of the day: The reason I can't handle social interactions when my (mental) health is bad, is because I don't have the energy or willpower for either masking nor for navigating the wild tides of other neurodiverse people. To talk about my problems would either require a boatload of effort to even be understood, or the alertness to not delve into twenty very loosely associated topics together. But at least now that I realize, perhaps voicing that concern to my loved ones will help us figure out a way to connect anyway.

#adhd #adhd strategies #adult adhd #neurodiversity #introversion #masking #communication is hard work #depression #loneliness #anxiety #what's wrong with me #what's wrong with everyone else #rsd #rejection sensitive dysphoria

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pollenallergie · 8 months

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“do the hardest task first”

no. just… no.

hot take: this doesn’t work for people with adhd (in my experience/from what i’ve heard from other people with adhd in my life). i recommend doing the easy/moderately difficult stuff first, that way you can convince yourself that it’s all going to be this easy and undemanding. then hyper-focus will kick in because your brain is like, “yeah, we can do this, we’ve got this.” then, before you know it, you’ve completed both the easy tasks and the hard tasks while hyperfocusing.

like, on a serious note, it’s always been easier for me to convince myself to get the most difficult tasks done when i’m already working/in the working frame of mind, not when i’m laying in bed or sitting on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through stuff on my phone, and struggling to start at all.

if the choice comes down to you not starting at all or starting with the easiest task first (which, for me, it often does), always, always pick starting with the easiest task first. sometimes you need a small victory, a little bit of an accomplishment, to give you the courage to take on bigger challenges.

#adhd #audhd #in my experience… ‘study tips’ or ‘time management tips’ from neurotypical people will almost never work for us #they don’t conceptualize time the same way we do #they don’t look at challenges the same way we do #it’s okay to take bits and pieces of their advice #ya know… whatever parts of it work for you #but don’t think that you have to use all the strategies and programs that they do to be successful #because you don’t #all that fake business soft skills/mental health guru/grind mindset stuff is total bullshit #pick strategies that speak to/work for you #it’s okay to fail at things and to have to try again #it’s okay to make mistakes and not get shit done sometimes #sometimes you need a fucking break #it’s okay to start with the easy stuff first and just ease your way into being productive #it’s okay to hyperfocus and work for hours on end sometimes #if it’s hard for you to take breaks when you’re studying and you feel like you learn better if you stay in that hyperfocused zone #than just go until the hyperfocus wears off #then take a break… eat… nourish your body… take care of yourself… and come back later #maybe later is later on that day #maybe later is tomorrow #either way is completely fine #do what works best for you #work with your neurodivergent brain… no against it #pol’s diary <3

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lyskari · 2 years

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Lyskari's Monday.com Tutorial: The Bare Basics for Personal Use

Ξ Introduction Ξ

Hello, and welcome to my first Monday Tutorial where I cover the super bare basics of Monday (Monday.com) for personal use. I've not written tutorials in a while so forgive me if these first few are rough! Monday.com is a robust website that boasts a wide range of applications professionally (task management, project management, IT ticket management, and more). However, I found that it works wonderfully well for my personal life. I utilise it for two things: 1. Non-Routine To-Do's (e.g. "Get new car battery") 2. Resource Collection (admittedly I'm bad at updating this one) Though you can definitely utilise it for whatever you need! And if high levels of customisability and flexibility is up your alley, then I encourage you to give Monday a shot! Alright, Lyskari, this is sounding too good, but what's the catch? There are definitely still improvements that could be made, just like with anything. As much as I love Monday, it's built for corporate or team usage. Though they've created a free plan, it's not nearly as robust as the paid plans. I hope they can provide a bit more for the free plans in the future, but at the moment free plans lack some things that make Monday as great as it is, such as automations and integrations. If you have the money to shell out for the cheapest plan, I do recommend it, but only after you really look to determine if it's prudent. I recommend you look at the plan breakdowns first to ensure it offers the bare minimum of what you need. If automations are key for you then I'd encourage a free program that has automations. Check out the links below for plan breakdowns & pricing. Other helpful links: (These bring you to Monday help articles that explain some things better than I can, or they direct you towards their help resources directly.)

Understanding the Free Plan Comparing Plans & Pricing Monday's Community Forums Monday's Video Tutorial Center Monday's Help Center

Please note these tutorials are not sponsored in any way, and they will not even cover every single thing Monday can do... as doing so would be a rather herculean task. However, if there are aspects of Monday you'd like me to cover just leave me a note!

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Ξ Layout Ξ

Before we get into the meat and potatoes, I want to describe how Monday is naturally setup by default. This may click immediately if you're familiar with task management software (or if that's how your brain works naturally). If this doesn't click with you immediately, don't worry, I define things in the very next section. 🧡

First I want to go over Monday's primary "container" hierarchy. That is to say, how their different "containers" are nested into each other or beside each other. I'll include a screenshot at the end for those of you who are more visually inclined! (Text in [brackets] are exclusive to dashboards and will be talked about more in the dashboard tutorial. Which I will hopefully remember to link here when it's done.) Workspaces ↓ Folders & Sub-Folders ↓ Boards [& Dashboards] → Views ↓ Groups [& Widgets] ↓ Items → Columns

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Ξ Definitions Ξ

It's a small thing but the way Monday names individual aspects of the program are incredibly beginner friendly. Subsequently, this is also one of smaller gripes I have with Asana. Monday likes to define things in ways that feel very logical, which can help when dealing with the overall learning curve. Additionally, I will only be explaining this as it pertains to personal use. If you'd like a professional breakdown, leave me a note! This section alone made this ungodly amounts of long so if the above visual helps you enough to understand, cool! Don't worry about definitions unless you really want a little more insight into any of the mentioned "containers" above! Let's get started!

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❖ Workspaces

Important Links: Monday's Article About Workspaces

Workspaces are the largest "container" type that Monday provides. Think of it as a house. There are a lot of different individual rooms inside, but they all belong to the one house. Should I use workspaces as a single individual? It's up to you and how you work! If having multiple houses works for you, then by all means! However, if you are like me and you struggle to remember checking in on the other workspaces... then consider utilising only one. Any other suggestions? If you wish to utilise Monday with another member of the house, another option available is having one workspace per individual... and potentially a "teamwork" workspace. However, it's possible to utilise a single workspace for multiple people as well. Talk it over with whoever you wish to use Monday with, and see what works best for both of you! Anything else? You have some customisation options! You can customise: • Workspace Name • Workspace Avatar Background Colour • Workspace Avatar Icon

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❖ Folders & Sub-Folders

Important Links: Monday's Article About Folders Organising Folders Using The P.A.R.A. Method

Folder's become the next container. If workspaces are the house, think of folders and sub-folders as the rooms within the house. Folders help organise the boards within a single workspace, with sub-folders helping break things down a little bit more if necessary. Colour Coding Perhaps one of my favourite features about the folders & sub-folders is the ability to colour them. As someone who is very colour-code dependent to work longer at higher efficiencies, the ability to colour folders & sub-folders was a godsend. (I was around prior to this addition, and I can tell you the difference has been night and day!)

So if you're really big into colour-coding things, this will be up your alley!

Additionally, you can utilise emojis in the folder and sub-folders name which can be useful when having to organise multiple boards. (I only use two boards for my personal life, but if you need more than this is potentially a great way to help keep yourself from getting overwhelmed!)

Though this is a Monday tutorial I did include a link to a resource describing a folder organisation method called PARA that I use both at work and at home. If you're interested in PARA tutorials, let me know!

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❖ Boards (and Views!)

Important Links: Monday's Article on Shareable Boards Monday's Article on Private Boards Monday's Article on Board Views Finally. BOARDS.

Boards are where the magic truly happens for Monday, and also why I love their choice of terminology. Unlike Asana who call their boards, "Projects", Monday utilised a more straightforward and accurate term.

If workspaces are a house, and folders & sub-folders are individual rooms, then boards are points of interest in that room such as TV & Entertainment, the Bookshelf, or the Walk-In Closet. These are where things happen, be it collection of data, tracking to-do's, and more.

Additionally, each board has multiple ways to view the data on that board. Even the main board itself is a view -- it's called the "Main Table".

These views can include: • Kanban views (similar to Asana's "Board" view) • Additional table views (similar to Asana's "List" view) • Form view (which effectively turns your board into a fillable form) • Chart view • and More!

If you'd like me to go into the different view types, let me know! I'd be happy to write a view-specific tutorial. (And I honestly still may but I will also adjust what tutorials I write next based on interest.) Boards can be named whatever you desire, and yes, emojis are allowed! They come with a description area, as well, which can be utilised in whatever fashion works best for you. Colour Coding Legends, Icon Keys, a reminder of how the board is supposed to work, and more. You decide! Think of something you'd love to be able to track... or keep an eye on in some manner... and see what Monday has that works to bring that idea to life!

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❖ Groups

Important Links: Monday's Article on Groups If a workspace is a home, folders & sub-folders are rooms, and boards are points of interest in that room... then groups are how those points of interest are organised. Think of it as the drawer or closet organiser, where you have specific areas for specific items, such as under garments or tshirts. (Okokok yes using this analogy for a supposed to be neurodivergent-friendly tutorial was dumb but it's all I had ok? Don't come at me. 😅)

Groups are categories that you create within a board. You can have one, you can have two, you can have fifty though I would not recommend that unless you can truly keep up with it!

Let's say you have a group of to-do's you'd like to work on. You may have groups for "Unstarted" "In Process" and "Completed", as a way to organise out your tasks.

Let me guess, it's customisable too? I see you're picking up on the recurring theme! Yup! You can: • Change the Group Name (also emoji friendly!) • Change the Group colour • Easily drag and drop groups in whatever order you prefer! And this brings us to our final "container"!

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❖ Items & Columns

Important Links: Monday's Article on Column Basics * Takes a deep breath. * If workspaces are homes, folders & sub-folders are individual rooms, boards are points of interest in a room, and groups are how those points of interest are organised, then items are the individual items within the organised points of interest... like socks! Meanwhile columns are like the details of the sock. Who does it belong to? Jane. What colour is it? Purple with white polka dots. (Please tell me if these metaphors are working, or aren't!) It gets better. Monday allows you to change the terminology of "item" so it can accurately fit what your board is working with. Instead of "item" you can have "tickets", "questions", "Doodlepoodles", or whatever else you desire. You also will not be locked in to the name you select. If you name your board items "dogs" and later realise you also have cats, you can update terminology to "animals". So you can "add animal" to the board. It's such a tiny thing, but having accurate terminology really does help my neurodiverse brain. A lot. So I hope it helps yours! That said, for the sake of this tutorial series I will refer to it as "tasks". (Mostly because for some reason I swapped from "item" to "task" during this tutorial and I don't know why... and finding and siwtching them all out sounds like a lot of effort... when I already put so much effort into writing this so... forgive me, that one.) Tasks populate beneath groups, and will likely be one of the first tutorials I make where I hone in one a single aspect and explain it in hopefully neurodivergent-friendly detail (but Harley this is already so long-- yeah yeah I know... tutorials have that tendency ok? I'm trying here. 😅) When adding tasks to a group, you can name the task whatever works best for you. Unfortunately, tasks seem lackluster when looked at on their own so let me tell you about columns as well. Columns populate to the right of your task name, and they collect different points and types of data which include but are not limited to: • Statuses • Labels • Numbers • Short Text • Long Text • Dates • Dropdown (Multiple Choice) • Priority • Aaaaaaand more! Columns names are customisable, but perhaps my favourite feature of columns is the ability to add a description to that column. When you add a description to a column it will cause an (i) to appear next to the column name. When hovered over, the (i) will pop-up with the description, which makes it a great way to remember how you planned to utilise a column if you're like me... and forget... a lot!

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Ξ In Conclusion Ξ

Just in the bare bones of Monday's setup there are so many ways to customise and setup a system that is unique to you and your brain. I hope this has helped give you some idea of what to expect, as I know what it's like to go in without any idea of how things work... and it can be overwhelming, especially if you're already struggling trying to keep up with things. Please feel free to send me an ask if you... • Would like a deeper tutorial on something specific I've mentioned, • Have a question about something here, or • Have a question about Monday/organisation in general! (I may not always have an answer, but I will try!) And, finally, if you enjoyed this tutorial and would like me to continue making more, please consider liking this post and reblogging it so that I can get more eyes on it. 🧡 If you enjoyed this tutorial and wish to leave a tip, you can do so on my kofi which you can find here: Lyskari's Ko-Fi Whether you share, like, reblog, leave a tip, a mix of these, or all of them, thank you for your support! And please please let me know if you'd like me to cover other aspects of Monday, or if you'd like me to give my thoughts on other programs!

In closing, here are some recommendations if this tutorial encourages you to give Monday a try:

Consider experiencing the learning curve first. For some, experiencing a learning curve while attempting to setup a system leads to frustration, and potential rage quitting. If this is you, consider treating it like a sandbox first, and not a construction project! .

Consider minimising maintenance needs. It is not uncommon for some neurodivergents [myself included] to build systems that require constant updates. This often leads to rage-quitting later on. The less you have to regularly maintain for individual tasks, the less overwhelming systems can be. Remember you want the system to work for you, you shouldn't be working for the system. .

Systems may take multiple forms before you find the one that works best for you. Don't be afraid to tweak or completely change your systems until you have ironed out as many wrinkles as possible. As you learn and gain Monday mastery, you will begin to notice ways you can improve systems... or make new, better systems. This is normal, no matter if it's Monday, Asana, or even pen and paper. Needing adjustments or updates doesn't mean a system is bad, it just means you have learned new information and you wish to utilise it by creating a better system... or tweaking the current one!

If you have questions, please feel free to send me an ask! I will do my best to keep up with questions. 🧡 Also please let me know what you thought about this tutorial. What did you like? What didn't you like? Did you like the metaphors? Or did they confuse you? Did I explain things well or do you feel something is missing? That way I can hopefully improve with each new tutorial! Thanks for reading!

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